#i dont fucking CARE i would rather be excluded!! i would rather you fucking made plans in front of me and then left me out to my FACE
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i study 2 languages, norwegian and swahili, and the differences between their resources kind of drives me insane.
norwegian has 5 million speakers. it has courses on any language learning platform you can think of. the norwegian learning subreddit has 58k members - a bunch of passionate learners and natives who answer questions. in the last year ive managed to find 12 books in norwegian at thrift stores, book warehouses, etc. never even bothered to get some online because of this! you can watch basically any show you want in it, or at least with subtitles.
what does swahili have? swahili has around 100~ million speakers, making it the most spoken language in africa (excluding colonizer languages like french and arabic). most platforms dont have a course for it, but the few that do are incredibly poorly made and almost impossible to use to learn with. the swahili learning subreddit has only 6.7k members (and most of these people have personal ties like family, as opposed to norwegian where people just learn it randomly for fun). i have never found ANY books IN swahili. ive found two dictionaries, and they were both at speciality stores (unlike norwegian which ive found at my usual medium sized town thrift store). virtually nothing is translated to swahili. not even the fucking Lion King, which uses words from the swahili language (hakuna matata, simba, rafiki, mufasa).
im not expecting tanzania and kenya to translate every western movie ever, they have their own stories to tell (as well as some government censorship), but thats not the whole story. the west has no interest in giving their stories to africa and they have no interest in translating african stories to english.
and like. I understand Why these disparities exist. due to colonization and therefore lower education levels, there are less books in swahili in the first place. people would rather learn a language with grammar and vocabulary similarities to their own, like an indo european language. but the difference is actually fucking absurd. a language with 100 million speakers should not have this few resources. with norwegian, i could always google any niche grammar question i had and find someone online asking the same question. with swahili, i have to search through decades old grammar guides in search of an answer on my own.
swahili is a beautiful language. it has the most consistent grammar of any language ive studied. i wish more people were interested in it, in ANY african language. i cannot imagine what resources are like for literally any other african language! i want people to care to learn these languages the way that people randomly decide to learn lithuanian, estonian, and other smaller european languages. i want their resources to be greater, more courses to be created, more books to be written, more translations to bridge the gaps between cultures.
#ugh i could say so much more too#i love these two dearly btw. norwegian has been the love of my life for 7 years#but beginning swahili in the last year has driven me INSANE!!!!!!!#if anyone has an interest in learning swahili i very very highly recommend the language transfer course. everyone else online does too lol#swahili#kiswahili#norwegian#norsk#langblr#africa#african languages#languages
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Do any of your OCs have a Daddy kink? How would they react to either a softer shier darling or a bratty whiny darling accidentally calling them daddy?
a/n: i think some of them would react differently based on the darling's personality but i've listed it all down below the cut! have fun loool
also i think i included all my ocs that have a strong daddy kink but the ones with a more milder daddy kink have been excluded (just becos im lazy and dont want to write too much LMAO)
warning: gender neutral reader, daddy kink, mentions of entrance and being inside but no mentions of gender

gawain byrne â
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absolutely melts when you call him daddy
when you call him daddy, you can do no wrong in his eyes. all your crimes? forgiven. all your punishments? forgotten. everything is right with the world LOL
i think it'd be the same with a bratty darling but like he'd be very aware that they're doing it to get away with being bratty and gawain can forgive it to a certain point
but sometimes it can't all be praise and pleasure. sometimes daddy needs to be strict too LOL
Your back arched as you felt Gawain fuck his plastic cock deeper and deeper inside of you, hitting places that made your head spin and your toes curl.
You couldn't help but clutch onto his forearms, nails probably digging into his skin, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as an orgasm ripped through you.
"D-Daddy--!" The word fell off your tongue mindlessly. You hadn't meant it and, in the heat of the moment, your desperate need got the better of you.
Once the orgasm did it's toll and you were left panting and twitching, your brain immediately caught up. Your face, which was already a little hot, seemed to turn searing as your eyes fluttered to Gawain, scared of his reaction.
You expected the rather dumbfounded slack-jawed expression and, obviously, you took it as a bad thing.
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean--"
Gawain just pulled his cock out and tightened the straps on his harness, a sudden dark look overtaking his eyes "No, no, baby, it's okay. In fact, I really liked it."
His hand moved from your waist to fist the pillow beside your head, caging you under his body, his face getting so close that it left you a little flustered
"You want me to be your daddy, baby?" He muttered against your lips as he gave you a slight kiss, the head of his cock brushing against your still sopping entrance "Want me to take care of you and pamper you?"
You gave a small little nod, a little nervous and excited in the face of this new more aggressive side of your boyfriend.
Instead of the pleased expression you expected, Gawain cupped your chin and brushed his thumb against your lower lip "Use your words."
You felt especially shy but complied nonetheless, your voice soft and stuttering "P-Please make me c-cum again, Daddy."
A broad smirk spread across his face "Of course, anything for my baby."

ryouta watanabe â
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also the same as gawain but a bit more mildly
on the outside, it doesn't look like he's being affected at all but, on the inside, he's screaming and crying and banging on his table becos he's so horny and happy LOL
doesn't let a bratty darling get away with anything if they call him daddy tho but he'll be a bit softer and more lenient becos they're so cute
You had threaded your fingers through Ryoutaâs soft locks, your thighs pressing against his cheeks and your toes curling as he pressed hickey after hickey against your skin, lips hovering near where you wanted but not really giving you anything.
You couldnât help but let out a small frustrated noise at how he was teasing you. He did it often and, though you let him most of the time, for some reason, it was a bit more irritating than normal this time around.
Your fingers tightened around his hair, your leg desperately trying to pull him close. By now, you were all edged out and your mind felt as floaty as a cloud.
âDaddy!â The word slipped your lips out of desperation but, as soon as youâd said it, your hand slapped on top of your mouth, eyes wide as if aghast at what youâd just uttered.
Ryouta, of course, immediately stopped. Normally, you wouldâve protested but, at the moment, your face felt searingly hot and embarrassment boiled in your chest.
âWhat did you say.â His words didnât sound like a question and, from the way he was clutching tightly to your thighs, you figured the only option you had was answer honestly.
So, shily, softly, youâd muttered the word against your hand.
Like lightning, Ryouta let go of your thigh to grip your wrist and pull it away from your mouth. âSay it again, baby.â
The nickname sent a tingle up your spine. This time, with a little bit more confidence, you repeated the word âDaddy?â
A sinful groan left Ryoutaâs lips. He pressed his forehead against yours, rock hard cock settling at the crook of thigh, head brushing against your stomach.
âFuck, youâre going to be the death of me, baby.â He huffed out, hips jolting just a little bit.
You watched him for a second, watched the way he really seemed to almost come undone from you just saying one word.
So, hesitantly but with even more confidence, you shifted your hips, grinding up against his cock âD-Daddy, whyâd you stopâŚâ
Ryoutaâs fists clenched a little and his dick twitched against you. Though, you definitely did have a point. Seems like he needed to reward his little babyâŚ

casimir fiala â
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absolutely delighted to be called daddy but, unfortunately for bratty darling, calling him daddy only makes him want to punish you more LOL
casimir really do have a sadistic streak a mile long
especially during punishments? oh, it's like you're asking him to be worse
for shier sweeter darling, he becomes incredibly gentle and loving becos his heart just melts at the fact that they called him daddy
âIf you stop one more time, Iâll kill you.â You muttered to Casimir through gritted teeth, the frustration boiling and turning heady in your chest.
It felt like itâs been hours and, still, every single time you came even close to cumming, every single time that coil inside you came so very close to snapping, Casimir would stop and just leave his cock unmoving inside of you.
Heâd shower you in kisses, sure, but heâd just lay on top of you, doing nothing.
Of course, his inaction delayed your orgasm every single time. It ruined it for you to the point where all you could do was squirm and complain. Yet, no orgasm.
âIs that a promise?â Was all the infuriatingly handsome man replied with, that signature sadistic smirk still spread across his stupid gorgeous face.
Your back arched, not out of pleasure but out of frustration and a desire to get away from this clown.
Instead, Casimir kept his grip around both your waist and your wrist tight, his hips finally starting to thrust his thick cock in and out of you. Slowly, surely, you felt the pleasure building up again.
This time, Casimir didnât even wait till you were close. Just as a soft adorable moan left your lips, he stopped and opted to just grind his hips against yours, cock certainly hitting something but definitely not hard enough to tip you over the edge.
Tears pooled in the corner of your eyes and you let out a frustrated sound âDaddy!â
That made you pause. Your free hand quickly covered your mouth and you looked up at Casimir. He mirrored your rather shocked expression with one of his own.
Eventually, though, that shock made way for his usual smugness. He smirked at you, hips sluggishly starting to move and cock slowly pistoning in and out of you.
âDaddy, hmm?â He used his other hand to grip your chin and force you to look at him âAnd what do you want Daddy to do?â
âI want Daddy to stop fucking around and make me cum.â
Well, he could certainly oblige.

mel lowell â
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like everyone else on this post, mel certainly does live for this shit lol like he eats that shit up
doesn't matter if darling is bratty or shy or sweet; he will turn savage for that word
absolutely tears shit up. like he loses his brain LOL can't do anything but fuck and fuck hard
so only save that word for when you really want mel to rearrange your guts LOL
You groaned, hands gripping the pillow under you tighter and tighter as you felt Mel continue to thrust behind you. One of his hands cupped the back of your neck, the other clutching at your waist, keeping you pressed against the mattress.
Fuck, did Melâs cock fill you so perfectly. It never felt too big but just big enough to hit every single spot you wanted it to.
You half-buried your face into the pillow as your orgasm approached closer and closer. Your mind had practically checked-out at this point, leaving you both breathless and brainless.
Perhaps that was why you couldnât help but mutter that damn word under your breath, your whimper almost silent.
Mel groaned and buried his entire cock into you in one stroke, his hand at the back of your neck moving to gently hold the front instead âWhat did you say?â
You felt embarrassed, of course, your face hot and flustered. Still, desperate for him to start moving again, you repeated the words âD-Daddy?â
Suddenly, Melâs teeth latched onto the back of your neck. You let out a choked cry as he thrust into you almost brutally, teeth never once leaving your skin.
With every thrust, you couldnât help but let out little punched out moans. Occasionally, youâd even slipped that word in and, every single time without fail, it made Mel treat you rougher and rougher, his hips practically shoving against yours at this point.
Then, finally, you felt his mouth leave your neck; you could feel every single tooth leave your flesh and you could feel the throb of the mark they left behind.
âDamn right, Iâm your Daddy, baby.â He grunted out right into your ear, voice much deeper and gruffer than usual âAnd this Daddyâs cock is going to fucking fill you the hell up, yeah?â
All you could do was desperately nod.
#yandere oc x reader#yandere x reader#oc x reader#yandere#male yandere#male oc#drabbles#lemony content#melchior#casimir#gawain#ryouta
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(Holding your hand while I say this) I understand what you're discovering about yourself is life changing but you must understand that their journey is as well. It'd be the safest route for everyone involved in my opinion. You can figure out your desires and really explore yourself without making them feel like an experiment or possibly even fetishized. You should do some self discovery and get more comfortable with your own sexuality first before promising it as a guarantee to someone else. Y'know?
I want to. I dont want to fuck anyone else. I will say that. But i do want to explore it, but the biggest issue is. I've never met ANYONE that i cared about enough, excluding that person to drop my guard down with. To be okay with being me. I've never felt comfortable. Me and that other person had an extreme comfortability that made everything easier and safer for me. I didn't know that my sexuallity was as big an issue as it was, or i would've come clean and explained. Idk anyone or have anyone in my life that i could/would want to engage in anything with excluding that person. So realistically. I dont have options.
P.s. i wouldn't ever say they are/have/would be an experiment to me. I dont fetoshize them. I just love them. Their gender didn't matter to me. If i wouldve met them as a man and got that close, the end result would be the same. I'd feel the same way and love them the same way.
Ps ps. Thank you, btw. I appreciate the way you're going about it and talking with me. I dont have anyone to really talk to about any of it. So, Im just kinda left with my feelings.
ps ps ps. I have also been pegged. I enjoyed it. I actively watch certain porn categories. I'd rather not list. I have experimented solo. Just not with anyone. I know none of that equates to much of anything. But i feel like it does have some context at least.
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hi, thanks for answering, i appreciate it. also that you didnât just call me toxic or some shit and tell me to fuck off. iâve actually never thought of joining a discord server but itâs a good idea, thank you, i think i could try that. i guess on another account though to prevent anyone from accidentally finding out bc you know for yourself how it is. iâll look up if i can find some kind of dbt workbooks online as well.
the journaling idea is good as well, iâve actually been trying for a while but i end up rarely using it as a past experience left me with kinda bad trust issues about writing / drawing things down where someone could see them. but i guess i could try hiding it better this time or something. itâs just this thing that also sometimes venting like that actually ends up making me even more frustrated, as i realize iâve already written about this exact thing countless times before yet still nothing has changed.
iâm trying not to make a too harsh judgement of my therapist yet, considering i havenât been seeing her for that long, but⌠yeah. when i said that iâve been going to therapy for years i meant going to a lot of different ones in this time. no one ever gets me. their advice is always so fucking useless. honestly at least this current one actually listens and doesnt make me feel uncomfortable or like iâm being judged. i think sheâs the one iâve been the most honest with because of that (and also because i just started telling her everything from the first session on already bc iâm tired of everyone always turning out to be nothing but a waste of time and money and effort), i generally lie to therapists esp my psychiatrist so i can get the meds i want (or else im 100% sheâd just put me on some shit like antipsychotics, which ive been on in the past and iâd honestly rather kill myself than take them again, idk if youâve tried them before but i basically felt r*tarded [idk how some ppl are sensitive of slur use like i personally dont care but i dont want your blog banned or smth] and tired all the time and it ââââhelpedââââ in the way that it made me too slow to be able to think about my problems. thanks psychiatry. not a traumatizing experience at all). i mentioned that i suspect i could have a personality disorder to her once or twice and she seemed to agree that it could be a possibility, but obviously no one can diagnose that fast. but i guess iâll see. i really just want to know whats wrong with me, why do i think the way i do, why i canât just be more fucking normal no matter how hard i try. but getting an actual diagnosis of a PD esp if it turned out to be this one would just mean iâd get treated even worse by every single doctor, not even necessarily a mental health one, bc physical doctors see all your records as well,, iâve already been told my legitimate physical issues are just bc im depressed, or even if they dont straight up tell me they definitely treat me less seriously and i just know its bc i have mental illnesses diagnoses & im female.
i just ⌠ugh. i feel so sick of it all and misunderstood. i know i can get genuinely abusive in arguments when someone upsets me but i really dont know how to stop or control myself. i hate that people act as if itâs all my fault. like everything iâve gone through doesnât even matter and iâm just an inherently evil person. like i didnât have some kind of a terribly traumatic childhood, but iâve always been either bullied or excluded by almost everyone iâve ever met and all the social isolation honestly really fucked me up. i think thatâs why i developed such a strong individuality complex as iâve never been able to think all of it must be simply because iâm worthless. like fuck no, 99% of the people are dumb and shallow and ignorant towards reality of the world and iâm supposed to feel like iâm somehow worse than them? at least i have self awareness and my own thoughts. i mean i do think weâre all worthless because nothing in life has any value, so why should humanity be the exception? that still doesnât stop me from hating everyone though. i may be a hypocrite but so is everyone else; and at least i donât pretend to be a gOoD pErSoN. lacking empathy and not having morals doesnât make me any less deserving of help even though i know how many people unironically believe people like me should just be shot. fucking brainless hypocrites, all of them.
but anyway yeah my point here is, fuck people who think anyone chooses to be this way. all of this has done nothing good for me other than made my life much harder. and not to mention unable to ever get genuinely close to anyone because what is the worth in a relationship if i can��t even bring myself to care about anyone? i donât think âempathsâ even realize how alienating it actually is. which is once again so ironic because THEY should be the ones to try to understand it, but no, they just generalize everyone and share the nonsense propaganda that weâre incapable of change.
so yeah, this turned into another vent but i really lack any people in my life who i could be honest with. i feel so lonely all the time. itâs not even really missing a friend group or romance or physical touch, itâs more of this feeling of feeling completely alone and that no one (other than a few people whose writings and actions i admire but theyâre all dead) would ever be able to truly understand me. so yeah as cheesy as it is, sometimes itâs nice to be reminded iâm not alone by someone other than a generic social media post made by someone whoâd 100% hate me if i told them even half this shit. can i maybe dm you sometime btw? i felt like staying anon while writing this bc i tend to get anxious with ppl at first but idk, maybe, if youre comfortable with that ofc
btw if its alright to ask can i ask how did you get diagnosed? what was the process like and how long did it take? did they suspect anything else at first? do you feel treated by ppl any differently now tjat you have a diagnosis of such a stigmatized disorder? (^ i mean these previous questions if youre diagnosed by a psych, if not its perfectly valid as well ofc) whats personally helping u to cope?
Good luck! Iâm glad I could offer some help/reassurance. Maybe instead of a physical journal you could use a private blog or even just a notes app on your phone/computer if that sounds safer?
I do hope things improve with your new therapist and that things work out, itâs good that she at least agrees you might have a PD. Normally Iâd recommend a therapist who specializes in PDs, maybe even especially NPD, but idk if thatâs accessible for you and/or if youâve already tried it and had no luck.
But again, I want to reiterate that youâre not alone, and what youâre going through and what you feel is 100% relatable to other pwNPD. I truly wish that more people understood us and the irony isnât lost on me that itâs always âempathsâ who are the ones who have the LEAST empathy for us. And I feel like the societal lack of understanding contributes to the more âuglyâ or âstigmatizedâ traits of our disorder even more, tbh. Anyway, my point is that I definitely donât mind at all if you vent, so please do feel free to DM me if you want to or feel more comfortable that way!
As for my diagnosis, itâs a bit messy â for context im a recent graduate from college and the bulk of my therapy came from campus services, where it was acknowledged I very likely had a PD especially within cluster B but I never got an official diagnosis while I was seeing the school-based therapist, and at the moment Iâm trying to find a new therapist who can help me. At first we thought I just had a really intense form of rejection sensitivity dysphoria due to ADHD, then realized it was likely something else. So Iâm a weird mix of âself diagnosed, but likely wouldnât have admitted it to myself or realized it if a professional hadnât pointed me in that direction.â Until I can find a professional im honestly just doing the best I can to help myself. Sometimes I get tempted to turn to substances to cope bc they make me softer and more open, and if you feel the same way I highly recommend avoiding this, ofc. I mostly use relatable music (lmk if you want my NPD playlist!) and DBT workbooks as a way to help myself, and I also just try my hardest to avoid or remove myself from situations where I might lose my cool and become toxic. Obviously this is easier said than done, but there are ways to do it. For instance, if Iâm in a group chat where I feel like people are getting more attention than me, Iâll mute the group chat and maybe text someone from a different group one-on-one (not necessarily about my issues, just in general).I know that answer is pretty mild and entirely social media based lol, but itâs the best example I can provide.
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Long post about something I think about a lot and that doesnât matter to anyone else but me probably
Iâm sure thereâs a million posts out there on why good representation is important and good but I just wanted to talk shortly about something that happened to me in a recent span of a few months involving a character in a dumb game about collecting jpegs of anime women and hunky dudes with giant swords.
Thereâs a game called Granblue Fantasy, its an extremely popular gacha game/JRPG with a very large roster of characters and a lot of stuff to do as far as reading through character lore, fighting JRPG battles, raids, and basically playing VNs for character dialogue. Itâs a pretty good game, and one of the coolest things about it, is it has (to my knowledge, I dont play/keep up with it very often) 2 canon trans characters. One is named Cagliostro, an alchemist who was born as a man but through extensive experimentation and some self discovery has since transitioned into a woman, hell bent on making herself as cute as possible. Fun right? Sheâs presented extremely well and is one of the gameâs more fun characters. The second character is one that has become a personal favourite for me for many reasons, her name is Ladiva.
Ladiva is a part of a race of people called the Draph. The Draph are a humanoid, and pretty much human looking, race of people with their defining features being their large stature and bovine like horns and ears. This is important because male draph are usually much larger and more muscular than female draph (but its a horny anime game so who can say theyâre surprised lol). Ladiva, as my discussion here makes obvious, is a trans woman belonging to these folk. Because of this, sheâs both quite large, muscular(and more masculine presenting on the surface), and has rugged looking facial hair. The surprising thing about her presentation in comparison to how she looks, is that sheâs presented incredibly well. despite her appearance being not as feminine as it could be (with Cagliostro even offering to make her a new totally feminine body only to have Ladiva refuse, stating that she should love her own body along with the rest of herself) sheâs treated as what she is, a woman.
So why am I talking about this? Why am I putting my poorly put together thoughts on this tumblr post no one will read? Well, I am trans. I have felt a certain way about myself all my life that Iâm sure most trans people can echoe so I wonât wast time waxing poetic about how Iâve always felt more feminine than I was âsupposedâ to be. My core purpose of this post comes from the fact that I am 6â˛2, nearly 300lbs of muscle/fat/body hair, and have had a full beard since I was 14. I am EXCEEDINGLY masculine, which has made my own internal struggle with my transness sort of difficult to accept. A sort of constant push and pull of wanting to just repress it all because I already pass as a man and wanting to work towards being who I know I actually am. Another factor is that I never felt truly comfortable with purely feminine pronouns. In highschool I went by a different name, and I used she/her pronouns and for a while it felt okay. But it was always just, okay. It never felt right on top of several people giving me some rather hurtful backlash for it and how it contrasted so much with my physical appearance. So I stowed it all away until about a year ago. I now have something that I didnât have before, a truly wonderful and supportive group of adult friends who treat me like an adult as well and take me seriously. So through careful examination of how I felt i began trying new things to explore my identity. It began with me deciding I wanted to use they/them pronouns, this stuck and still feels like its the right thing for me along with the label of Nonbinary. However, slotting myself into this new label and finally feeling comfortable in an identity brought about new thoughts as well as new things to mull over in my head. Things like the fact that most nonbinary representation in media falls under the same category of a waifish AFAB person who presemts femininely if not androgynous, and how people like me are a vocal minority within the community itself even being excluded by a small portion of it. It was a new set of things to tackle and think about. But that aside, with them came the most important thing I asked myself, âam I comfortable with how I am now? Or do those thoughts I had all those years ago mean something?â
This question isnt easy. Gender is a strange subject and is different to everyone who experiences something with their identity, so I wont pretend like I have any definitive answers for anything because, there arent really any of those. The question for myself, boiled down to âAm I more comfortable identifying as transfeminine, or am I comfortable with just being nonbinary.â This question vexed me for a little while. It hurt to think about. A lifetime of bullying and being made to be ashamed of my body type and stature had made my confidence in myself rather lackluster. This made the decision more difficult. It would be easy to try and own a sense of pride in being a masculine presenting nonbinary person. There arenât many of those in representation as I mentioned before, and at the time it made me feel nice to think that it was what I wanted. But those thoughts I had all those years ago did mean something, and thats not who I am. The answer I ultimately came to, was that I am trans, and want to present more feminine than masculine, because thatâs who I know I am, and not just what I think would be easiest. So, to bring it all together, how the everloving fuck does this relate to a character from a gacha game? Well, when i first saw Ladiva I nearly wrote her off as a character that probably was used as a disrespectful joke on trans women and how theyâre viewed. Sheâs not though. She has an entire montra of loving herself and others for who they are and owning every aspect of herself, including her body. Sheâs not a small lady, sheâs a large/muscular wrestler who, in no mistake of words, still looks very masculine, right down to her facial hair. But none of that matters, not her appearance, not her beard, not her height, sheâs still a woman and sheâs seen as one by the others around her because, well, thatâs what she is. She makes it known and others accept, or at the very least, respect it. It was something entirely new to see something like this in a form of popular media, and in turn it gave me an odd sense of self confidence in my own current appearance, even though I do intend on changing it through HRT and other means (exercise and other health related means). It meant a lot to me to see someone who was, in at least some way, like me who was loved by the community of the game she was in. And it still does. In conclusion, Ladiva is a very cool character, and her existing gave me a boost of confidence that helped lead me towards accepting things about myself that I had found it hard to previously. Go look into Granblue if you like games like that, thereâs even a fighting game that came out not too long ago. Thanks for reading, if you did, this whole post is long and kind of dumb because Iâm kind of dumb. But I wanted to put it somewhere. Have a nice day <3
#rambling#long post#ladiva#granblue fantasy#thanks granblue#kinda dumb just ignore me lol#im just talkin to myself#trans#guess ill throw that tag on there#shrug#nonbinary#gender stuff
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Kokichi is dying (V3 chatfic, no particular ship)
TW: Infers abuse, talks about ableism, neglect, panic attack pretty much, depression, self loathing. never being good enough
i am so sorry but vr au's need to be sad, love yall :)
(Background info: This is set in a vr au, they are not with their fake memory parents (Ie; kaito's kind grandparents) but rather why they really have)
(Also i have no fucking clue what ship i was going for???? pretty sure they are all on the table, and kokichi talks like an idiot in this and i love it. Gonta's writing is based off of his Japanese talking style, so no more caveman talking).
USERNAMES:
(Space monkey: Kaito, Detective pikachu: shuichi, Elton john: kaede, Antman: gonta, Mr. Gonstealyoman: korekiyo, Atua's bitch: angie, emoboi: ryoma, be-boop: kiibo, bread roll: Maki, cum dumpster: miu, mommy: kirumi, Gremlin: Kokichi)
TLDR: Chaos ensues, slight angst
Gremlin:Â omfg im fucking sicK im gonna fucking die i bet this was kaitos bitch ass fault for coughing on me with his tuberculosis headass gROSSSSS I HATE EVERYTHINGGG
Space Monkey:Â i-
Space monkey:Â I didn't get you sick dumbass,,,, my tb is fugckin cured bi-
Bread roll:Â he's dramatic and gross dont believe him
Gremlin:Â yall mean for what?
Gremlin:Â i have a life taking disease and yall laughing i-Â
Gremlin:Â see you at my funeral bitch
Detective pikachu:Â What are you sick with then
Gremlin:Â anythong bitch, im the universe
Antman:Â He sounds delusional, thats not good
Detective pikachu:Â He's always delusional, he's Kokichi
Mr. gonstealyoman:Â I guess this name is better than my old one
Mr. gonstealyoman:Â thank you kokichi :) I am glad we have come to an understanding
Gremlin: kay sexy
Gremlin:Â IGNRE WHAT I JUST SENT
Gremlin:Â IGNORE IT IGNORE IT IGNORE ITTTTT
Antman:Â who was that for???
Gremlin:Â NO ONE,,,Â
Gremlin:Â Okay,,, maybe sexy tall men in general lowkey
Gremlin:Â okay,,,, maybe anyone over 6 feetÂ
Detective pikachu:Â i feel excluded
Detective pikachu:Â good, i don't like you kokichi, your an ass
Gremlin:Â u sound jelly shumaiiiiii
be-boop:Â perhaps he is telling the truth, you know,
be-boop:Â according to my data, in chapter four Shuichi stated that you will never have friends, and no one will ever like you
Gremlin:Â SHUT THE FUCK UP STOP MAKING ME FEEL BADBSKVKHDVKDSKJV
Antman:Â do you need me to come over? I can make you tea?
mommy:Â Do you know how to do that, Gonta? I can teach you?
Antman:Â Gonta does know, thank you very much.Â
Antman:Â Gonta is not a child, Tojo-chan, please don't regard me as one
Antman:Â Gonta can cook, can clean, can be gentle, and has his own mind
Space monkey:Â but we're just making sure man, cuz, you know,,,, chapter 4
Antman:Â I am capable of things just like you!!!!!
Antman:Â Gonta doesn't know why you guys treat me like a child :(
Gremlin:Â yeah, hot stuff over there is basically a prodigy homies
Antman:Â Gonta is dumb though, don't say that.
Antman:Â Gonta is no prodigy, in fact, he is below average in everything
Gremlin:Â Whats ur test scores bitch
Antman:Â Gonta got a 98 on my english test,, but i wanted a 100, which would make Gonta actually smart :(Â
Antman:Â Gonta is not good enough to be friends with you all
Antman:Â I can do basic stuff like tojo said...
Antman:Â maybe i do need help?
Antman:Â im not sure anymore:((((
Gremlin:Â THEY ARE ABLEIST GONTA,,, THEY FEEL SUPERIOR FOR TREATING UUUUU LIKE A CHILD
Detective pikachu:Â You sound really delusional Kokichi, maybe you should get sleep
Gremlin:Â S T F U, IM SPITTING ST8 FACTS BITCH
Detective pikachu:Â Sure you are. Now get some rest.Â
Gremlin:Â GRRRR WHY WONT YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU IDIOTS??
Bread roll:Â Cause your stupid and aggressive
Gremlin:Â your personality, basically?
Bread roll:Â shut up at least i have a boyfriend
Gremlin:Â Technically, you just stole my frienemyÂ
Gremlin:Â Yall do be avoiding each other doe
Space Monkey:Â WE ARE NOT
Gremlin:Â Yeah yeah
Gremlin: yesterday i saw you to enter the same cafe by accident, duck your heads, then sit across the cafe from each other, all while  avoiding eye contact
Gremlin:Â Soooo,,, things not going well in paradise?
Detective pikachu:Â you're nosy
Gremlin:Â says the literal detectiveÂ
Space monkey:Â everythings fine your just a dickkkk
Gremlin:Â "oooo! Im momo-chan, i say bad word and go brrrrr"
Space monkey:Â im going to fucking stab himÂ
Gremlin:Â You cant, ive already enslaved you with my chaotic, yet cute hijinks, havent i~
Space monkey:Â STOP STOP NO NOT THE SQUIGLY
Gremlin:Â is it the sex? WHY DONT YOU MAKE EYE CNOTACT WITH UR LADY NO MOREÂ
Space monkey:Â ITS NOT THE SEX I HATE YOU
Gremlin:Â im free by the way at 8 ;)
Bread roll:Â STOP trying to steal my boyfriend kokichi, ive told you this before
Bread roll:Â NO
Bread roll:Â BODY
Antman:Â Gonta interrupts to say, Gonta loves you kokichi, and we should get flowers together, than maybe we can prank some people :DÂ
Bread roll:Â Ive never wanted to stab you more, gonta
Gremlin:Â I'd enjoy that very much, fine fellow ;)
Gremlin:Â but idk,,,, can you like take care of me first, cuz IM SICK BECAUSE OF KAITO TUBERCULOSIS ASS
Space monkey:Â I DONT HAVE TB ANYMORE
Gremlin:Â SURE YOU DONTÂ
Space monkey:Â I DONT
Gremlin:Â Â BUT GUESS WHAT
Gremlin:Â YOU STILL SMOKE DUMBASS AND THATS NOT GOOD FOR U OR YOUR TUBERCULOSIS
Detective pikachu:Â He smokes?
Atua's bitch:Â he does, i walked in on him in the bathroom lmao
Atua's bitch:Â he was scared shitless and threw it out the window, needless to say atua does nt approve
Gremlin:Â DO YOU EVEN HAVE THE VACCINE????
Space monkey:Â Uh,,, i was taught vaccines were bad, so no i don't have the vaccine
Gremlin:Â I HATE OLD PEOPLE
Gremlin:Â ABOLISH OLD PEOPLEEEE
Gremlin:Â THEY SPREAD MISINFORMATION AND IT PHISCALLY HURTS ME TO SEEEEEE
Space monkey:Â your dramatic, it cant be that bad
Gremlin:Â say that when you catch it again
Gremlin:Â i swear you coughed on me like,,,, 5 weeks ago tho
Antman:Â OOOO! Fun fact: Tuberculosis can lay dormant from 3 months to a few years!Â
Space monkey:Â u guys are just trying to scare me
Bread roll:Â Just checked the chat after using the br and,,m YOUDONT HAVE YOU VACCINES???
Detective pikachu:Â Im sorry, but kaito, please,,,,, for the love of god get vaccines
Space monkey:Â alright alright, ill do it cuz you guys are all on my case and i don't like being the villain :(
Gremlin:Â Im so happy i have gonta with me rn, he is making me tea while yall rot in your distant ass relationship (THIS IS FOR YOU KAITO)
Space monkey: Im going to destroy your bloodline in about three seconds if you dont stfu right fucking now
Gremlin:Â Hhehe i have an inaprwopwiate joke uwu
emoboi:Â STOP PLEASE DEAR GOD
cum dumpster:Â wHAt Is iT YOU WHORE
Gremlin:Â i was gonna say wouldn't he need to like,,,, have sex with my family to weed out my bloodline or something??
cum dumpster:Â i-
cum dumpster:Â Why am i acting surprised, ive watched porn with more extravagant plots than this
cum dumpster:Â ie; are you guys FUCKING? RIGHT INFRONT OF MY SALAD??? is one i will cherish with my soul
emoboi:Â hehe why did she point out the salad
Space monkey:Â I hate u kokichi, i truly do
Gremlin:Â I bet if you got the chance u would kiss me space boy :P
Bread roll has left the chat
Space monkey:Â o god is she ddoing one of those bf loyalty tests or smthing???
Space monkey:Â now im nervous lmao
Gremlin:Â why you so nervous stupid~~~~
Gremlin: It not like ur cheating on her homie
Space monkey:Â It's just a placebo effect
Gremlin:Â My brain feels fried Momo-chan,, i don't understand big boy words right now
Space monkey:Â Basically, if you take a pill that doesn't do anything but you don't know that and believe it does, you will scientifically start to feel better
Gremlin:Â first and only time saying this, but thank youÂ
Space monkey:Â HEHEHEB YOU SAID THANK YOUÂ YOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOU
Gremlin:Â Kaito,,, imma need you to do me a favor and look up on your ceiling
Space monkey:Â i hate you, idk what it is, but i hte you
Gremlin:Â good <3
Space monkey:Â HE REPLACED ALL MY THE STARS ON MY CELING WITH FUCKIBG DICKSSS
Space monkey:Â THIS IS THE LST FUCKING STRAW IM GONNA LOSE IT
Space monkey:Â IF MY GRANDPARENTS SEE THIS BULLSHIT THEY ARE GOING TO KILL ME, SLAP ME, MAYBE BREAK MY NECK AND DESTROY MEE
Space monkey:Â Im GENUINLEY panicing HOW TF am i gona get this off my wal???? They are going to bbat me senselpess help me shUichi
Detective pikachu: o god, i can sense the sheer pain and scaredness in that tet,Â
Detective pikachu:Â are you for real gong to get hurt or are you pulling a kokichi?
Space monkey:Â FUCKING HELP ME IM NOT FUCKING JOKINGKABKCB HELP THEY ARE NOT HOME RN THEY ARE LIKEE,,,, 40 MINUTES AWAY PLEASEEÂ
Gremlin:Â okay,,, maybe this wasn't the best prank.,,, i guess i'll help clean up cuz im not that much of a sociopath
Gremlin:Â tbh my parents can go shove it too lowkey terrible 0/10Â
Space monkey:Â AHHHH IM SO SCARED PLS PSL GET HERE FAST
be-boop:Â Of course, i will come, i will survey the outside of the house
Antman: Gonta is coming too! We will get this done in under 40 minutes!
Space monkey:Â OKAY
Gremlin:Â Lowkey, if i cough on you ignore it bitch your the one who made me like this
Space monkey:Â W HA TDONT COUGH ON ME IM NOT SICK ANYMORE
Gremlin:Â I will give you TB again just cuz your making me suffer
Space monkey:Â Suffer what??? putting dicks on my FUCKING WALL???
Gremlin:Â Guilt, idiot, im feeling guilty.Â
cum dumpster:Â oof thats new
emoboi:Â yeah i wasn't expecting it
Mr.gonstealyoman:Â Me neither. It is rather peculiar seeing it being texted by him because he is always feels not guilty of his bad actions.
be-boop:Â I do believe he means it, though...
emoboi:Â impossible.
cum dumpster:Â i agree, literally impossible.
Gremlin:Â I HAVE A FUCKIBG SOUL YOU CRazY CONSPIRACISTS
Antman:Â Quick question, shuichi can i stay with you again? It'll be dark when i get home and gonta can't do that so,,, please help
Detective pikachu:Â my parents are like blank slates, who eat slowly, watch tv slowly, and never look at me. Im sure they wouldn't mind :P
Antman:Â ALRIGHT! :D LETS GET MISSION: MR. MOMOTA ROOM REPAIR DONE!
Gremlin:Â ooo! I like the name! IM INNNN!Â
Detective pikachu:Â On it!
be-boop:Â Ready for look out!
Space monkey:Â I love you guys :)
AN: Im lowkey sorry i ended this chaotic mess with angst,,,, but like fr i love it i love angst,, i hate reading it but love writing it
#kokichiouma#oumota#Ougoku#chat fic#kaito momota#kiibo#miu iruma#gonta gokuhara#ryoma#angie#shuichi saihara#vr au#kirumi#maki harukawa#korekiyo#danganronpav3#danganronpa#grossness
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QUESTIONS FOR OC CREATORS
Haaaa ok so I am doing this cause i saw @fallout-lou-begas steal it from @tarberrymentats and they both looked like they were havin hella fun so i am commandeering this for my own purposes. So lucky for yall its Emi time (art by the dearest @yesjejunus because yall need to see more of her work)
A) Why are you excited about this character?
Because she's an older woman (57) that breaks a lot of moulds and I love to see it. Aside from just enjoying older characters, Emi isn't a sweet old lady and she isn't here to try and mother anyone. Her drives are entirely her own and while she prioratizes herself and her sister before anyone else, its not always due to complete selfishness and just due to growing up in the wastes (I try to keep her character true to a fend for yourself setting as possible). I think Ill go into detail in another question with this, but I went through a lot of concepts and personalities for Emi before settling on someone who was seasoned and very much a product of the wastes. I think after seeing a lot of other couriers I finally figured out what I wanted to do differently, and that sort of helped guide her to become what she is today.
B) What inspired you to create them?
I think my last line there sort of short answers this. I wanted someone different from the other couriers I saw, and wanted to make one that was distinct or even juxtaposed against some tropes. She's a woman in her late 50s that doesnt try and play mom/granny to the companions, she very much has no stake in what happens to the Mojave, she doesnt care about Benny or that he shot her in the head (such is life in the Mojave, but she did have a job to complete so ripperoni him), and a lot of her motivations are selfish or exist to benefit her sister. She doesnt act 'old' in the fact that she isn't a wise caring soul or a grumpy old man, but rather her age is shown through her experience, and this also shapes her personality. She's never had to formally 'grow up' so she can come off as immature and irritating for her own entertainment, but she doesn't have youthful ignorance for how the world works. She knows how to be responsible but she doesnt have to act like it outwardly, even with her Tragic Caregiver Backstory.
C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?
To a large degree in the beginning, yes, and to specific degrees now, also yes. Writing in general isnt my strong point though I did know what I wanted for her. The main image is there but the details are funky, and Ive been slowly hammering those out as I work along with her and Camila's stories. There's been some huge changes along the way that help push both of them towards an ending I like and that fits them, and even if it takes forever and I never actually write a fic, I'll be happy when she finally feels completed in New Vegas.
Aside from that, she kind of fits in anywhere in regards to AUs. My friend @yesjejunus and I have probably like 40000 fucking aus for our OCs and all of them feel just as organic and their canon stories.
D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?
So I know I have an 'original concept Emilia' art on here where she looked like Laura Croft and had aviators but that wasnt even her first concept. I had originally wanted to make a petite southern belle type from Louisiana who used a shot gun and had a mean streak, but as I kept playing with concepts Emi really started to lean other places. Another huge change was her personality. Even when her concept got settled as a sniper from Mexico, she was suppose to be an early 30s caravan guard who was way too sure of herself. While there are reminents of that concept still in her, she has a lot more experience in the wastes and in think-on-your-feet situations to back up her attitude. Another thing she required was dropping her "take me seriously" personality with more goofy "i do what i want cause why not" traits.
E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?
Emi can get along with anyone at a surface level, for a small while, if it will benefit her or she wants to pass time. She really doesn't have interest in folks who arent interesting or beneficial in some way. Since I don't really offer her much, and am a bit of a wet bag, she might yank my chain for her own funsies or she'd have no interest.
And while I did indeed give Emi my go with the flow attitude, I think I wouldn't be able to keep up with her. Emi is very fast paced and doesnt necessarily have regard for those she decides to pick up as drinking buddies for the night. Def dont trust her with my life, and knowing the shit she gets into I'd def want to steer clear of it....like a trainwreck its much better to watch her from a safe distance, lol.
F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?
A lot of affection from a meta standpoint? I've worked with Emi and Cam a lot since creating them, and they've def come a long way since their original concepts. I wouldn't say their story is quite where I want it yet, but I am quite happy with it overall.
That, and Ive met so many awesome writers along the way with Emi. Not all of my friends have posted fic but the amount of world building and having our characters interact and talking OCs ive done with them has placed both Emi and their OCs in a special place for me. Sure her having her own story is fun but I much more prefer the bonds Ive created with people over OCs and I think thats a bit more of a cherished component to character creation for me.
G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?
Literally? That she likes to be irritating if she feels she can get away with it (or even if she cant). Actually? That she has a very "I shelter you and feed you therefore I make the rules, period." stance on how she takes care of her charge. She lets a lot of shit slide with Camila but things get very Rapunzel-esque at times.
H) What trait do you admire most?
How sure of herself she is. Even if its to a fault, she trusts herself and her judgements. That sort of confidence is something I strive to have haha.
To a lesser degree, and more of a meta point I wanted to make with her, just...her appearance I suppose? To me she's attractive, but she also has a lot of traits that aren't conventionally attractive and that's played a lot into how Ive wanted her to be. Again she's 57 years old. She has age to her body, her skin wrinkles and droops, her tits sag, she has the body of someone who uses chems, and yet despite her age and breaking of beauty standards ive made it a point to show that she is desired or thought of as attractive in non fetish specific circumstances. She herself, while aro, also still has an active sex drive and I really wanted this to be a backseat part of her character, as I feel like fandom in general shafts older women in this department (this also goes for a lot of her non 'old lady' traits I give her too). She still has sexual needs and is still very much sexually active, and she is still found to be a regular sort of attractive and is desired by those she gets involved with.
J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?
Yes? Ish, to a degree. I didnt have to but I wanted to. I also did a lot of headcanoning with post Mexico for her early life which, afaik is free real estate for lore/nothing super detailed has been given in canon.
Given that she and Camila both shape their stories as individuals, I did have to split up some canon elements to follow two seperate characters, but other than that I really just had to make sure Emilia's story wasnt "boring" in the fact that she again, has no real stake in what happens to Vegas/the Mojave.
I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?
Cackles in 'which au will I obsess with today'
For the most part yes, however I love placing her in new things or different stories. She may be 'my courier' but really shes just the frog granny that goes into whatever au I am feeling at the time.
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SBGS ch 6
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | ao3Â
2:00AM | CoffeeVamp: marinette dupain cheng could step on me and i would thank her
CoffeeVamp: did you all see how bad ass that girl was
CoffeeVamp: she was just like demon spawn is robin? Well fuck you for being in paris
CoffeeVamp: and her file oml this girl does so much for paris and he classmates treat her like CRAP
Daddy: How do you know her Damian? Clearly you guys have met before. Can you really trust her with your identity?
Jesus: this girl has been keeping her own secret identitieS under wraps for years I doubt sheâll ratÂ
CoffeeVamp: DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON MDCÂ
CoffeeVamp: all i ever wanted was for MDC to design smth for me but u ruined ALL my chances demon spawn !!!!
2:15 AM | TheOG: I think we can trust her
TheOG: Donât think she trusts us tho
CoffeeVamp: yea what was with the zip tiesÂ
CoffeeVamp: do you have smth to tell us ;)))Â
CoffeeVamp: have u been getting spicy in paris ;)))Â
CoffeeVamp: remember to use protection we donât need any mini yous around
LadyLady: sheâs good. I can see why Ladybug trusts her
DemonSpawn: Sheâs a friend I met in Paris. She can keep a secret.
2:20 AM | DemonSpawn: I regret not trusting her.Â
CoffeeVamp: i cant believe that u thought someone who was nice enough to spend time wu willingly could be a supervillain
Jesus: thatâs pretty fucked up man
Jesus: Surprised she didnât rail on you more for that. I wouldâve given you a beat down
LadyLady: u need a game plan to get her on your side. She doesnât have a good reason to trust u anymore and id like it if we were on good terms with the one person that can contact lb
The OG: ^^ babs is always right
TheOG: you only have two weeks
DemonSpawn: How do I get on her good side?
Jesus: you better hope and pray because girls like that do not forgive easy
TheOG: try being her friend again
Jesus: like she wants to be his friend anymore
LadyLady: Apologize to her.
#
Jason is right.
Itâs clear that Marinette does not want to be involved with him any longer. Marinette comes in right as the bell rings, then faces firmly ahead and doesnât spare him a single glance. Notes that he slips to her are ignored. She doesnât check her phone for his texts except for once, when she texts him: anything related to last night will be discussed out of school.
Instead of going home for lunch, she willingly sits with Lila, just so she can avoid him cornering her in the bakery. Damian watches them from a distance, but heâs close enough to hear most of the conversations. Most of their other classmates are taken in by some video on Alyaâs. Thereâs a quick exclamation from the Ladyblogger, saying something about being able to meet some American celebrity, and she and the rest of the class run off to somewhere else, though not before inviting Lila and Adrien. Theyâre turned down, and Marinette continues to sit with the two of them.
âWeâve got a photo shoot together later today.â Adrien sounds tired. Like heâs giving up, almost.Â
âWould you like to come, Marinette?âÂ
Damian canât make out Marinetteâs reply, but she must say yes, because Lilaâs calculated facade slips away to reveal shock and interest. Lila entwines her fingers with Adrienâs, an act Adrien clearly isnât expecting, as he flinches.Â
Marinette levels a glance at Lila, who looks surprised at Adrienâs reaction, not that Damian can blame her; she practically hangs off Adrien every day, playing up their couple relationship for the media, and Adrien never reacts like this. He inches closer. Lila reaches out to touch Adrien on the shoulder, in a gesture of soothing, but Adrien flinches again, this time gaining a distant look in his eyes and starting to breath hard. Lila goes to kneel--itâs clear that Adrien is on the verge of a full blown panic attack-- but Marinette holds Lila by her arm and shakes her head, gesturing for her to wait off to the side.Â
Adrienâs reactions are trademarks of an abuse victim. His reactions are rather dramatic in comparison to the clenched jaw and distant eyes that he normally sees in kids in Gotham, which leads Damian to the conclusion that this is either a more recent thing, or when he is abused, he emphasizes his weakness in attempt to get the attacker to stop. The question of who seems rather redundant; everyone knows that Adrien Agreste is the sheltered, sunshine boy who never stepped a foot out of his mansion before turning twelve. Though he models, his actions are still highly restricted. Thereâs not really much of a chance for Adrienâs abuser to be anyone other than the people within his immediate vicinity, so the suspects were his father, the personal assistant, his drive, or someone he works with.
Heâll have to keep this information in mind moving forward. Though Damian ordered extensive background checks on each and every student at Francois Dupont, he only read the profiles of the people in his class, and only keeps tabs on the people that are of interest.nIn Mlle. Bustierâs class, the only people who Damian is interested in are Marinette, for obvious reasons, Lila Rossi, for the sheer number of times she was akumatized during year two of Hawkmothâs presence, Chloe Bourgeois, who may not be Francois Dupont student, let alone in France at the moment, but has a parent who currently sits at the top of his familyâs Hawkmoth suspect list and has gotten countless people akumatized, and Adrien Agreste, the only person other than Marinette who hasnât been akumatized in the akuma class. If Adrien really is being abused-- and he doesnât really see any reason for Adrien to fake the symptoms, given that thereâs really nothing for him to gain out of this situation-- that knocks him up a space on the list of Hawkmoth suspects. Victims of abuse, especially in a high profile situation, are often likely to either lash out or coop themselves up. Since he isnât purposely excluding himself from activities, given that he converses with Marinette, Lila, and two other classmates named Nino and Alya, itâs possible that he has adopted Hawkmoth as an alter ego to pursue revenge.Â
All this, of course, is mere speculation. Before making any abrupt jumps in his logic, like he did with Marinette-- though he defends himself with the fact that his thoughts on her being Hawkmoth were mere speculation, and that it was merely coincidence or a case of extremely bad luck that Marinette⌠what, thought he was Hawkmoth as well and then passed the information onto Ladybug? Now that he thinks about it, the whole situation seems ridiculous, and he finds that Ladybugâs lack of tact when coming face to face with her supposed arch-nemesis doesnât befit a hero of her caliber. She seemed oddly emotional about the whole thing, like his existence as Hawkmoth was a personal betrayal. But Ladybug and Damian never met before that. Why did Ladybug take Marinetteâs personal vendetta upon herself? His head hurts.
Damian finds himself walking over to their table, where Marinette is speaking in soothing tones, careful not to touch Adrien at all. He calms down enough to start breathing regularly. Even though his eyes are still watery, he looks up at Marinette with a tentative smile. Marinette looks back at him with such pure, unadulterated love, that Damian blinks slowly to make sure heâs not seeing things. There arenât many people who show emotions that donât have some hidden barb underneath, or an undercurrent of a different emotion alongside it.Â
Then, Marinette sends a calculating look at Damian, and a briefer one at Lila and Adrien.Â
âLila, can I talk to you in private for a moment?â Although Marinetteâs tone keeps to a pleasant range, Damian finds it rather familiar. Like when Alfred pulls him or one of his brothers to the side to politely tell them what theyâre doing wrong and how to remedy it. But thereâs a bit of genuine ferocity in Marinetteâs tone, and the Italian girl steps back.Â
âAdrien, Iâm going to leave you here with Damian just for a second, okay? Iâll be right back, and if you need me for anything, just call.â She gives Damian a look that says if you hurt this boy, I will end you and heads off with Lila.Â
âDamian,â Adrien says. Heâs trying to come off as calm and cheery. He misses the mark terribly. Somehow, Damian gets the feeling that the boy isnât very good at bottling up his emotions, odd, considering that heâs grown up partially in the limelight. âI see youâre well acquainted with our everyday Ladybug. She really is amazing.â
Thereâs a touch of awe, and it makes Damian uncomfortable for no good reason.Â
Heâs not sure how to deal with people who look like theyâre about to cry. Damian doesnât have to deal with that. Dickâs in charge of any emotional clean up thatâs necessary in the public; Alfred helps his family manage their emotions in the manor. He decides that going with the flow is the best option in this situation. An everyday Ladybug. What an interesting piece of terminology.
âShe is.â Damian admits, âWeâre not currently on the best of terms.âÂ
Damian will be surprised if Marinette even manages to civilly work with him for the rest of the week. He wasnât expecting their subsequent interactions after last night to be the same as they were prior to her finding out that he was Robin and thinking that she was Hawkmoth, but he thought she would just interact coolly with him. Not this silent treatment. She refuses to talk to him and only looks at him with some combination of disdain and ill intent.Â
He canât manage to give her the same treatment, both because he is on a mission and because he canât fault her for thinking that he was Hawkmoth. The situation is really, rather comical, but he spent enough time ruminating on his actions the previous night to pick up on all of the red flags that made her come to that conclusion, and even is she was a hero for a short period of time, he canât expect someone who is, by and large, a civilian to have the same investigative capabilities his family does. If anything, he is ashamed of himself for jumping to the conclusion that she was Hawkmoth, when instead, it turned out she is working for Ladybug.Â
However, the Marinette heâs seen so far doesnât seem the type to hold grudges, especially not when it comes to any pressing issue, and he finds that all of the decisions she makes are heavily logic-based and influenced by Sabineâs values, who is definitely an upright woman if heâs ever seen one. Marinette has too strong of a work ethic to actually ignore Damian when it comes down to it, but he has to wonder why she acted so blatantly hostile to him. Her character combined with her actions just donât match up, which means there's another reason why sheâs acting this way.Â
While Damian excels at extracting raw data and testimonies from people due to brute force, and is decent enough at getting people to do what he desires, determining the source of a personâs frustration, what drives a person-- he needs more work with that. Heâs much better at getting people mad. And Damian doesnât think heâs seen Marinette mad at anyone except for Celia DeVries. She has nerves made of steel and patience carved from diamond.
âI hope you figure it out.â Adrien says with such sincerity that itâs frightening. Heâs surprisingly pure-hearted for a model entrenched in a mega corporation like Gabriel. The entertainment industry, particularly the fashion side of business, is a very cut throat world. Adrien doesnât seem like a person whoâs been in the public eyes for years. âPlease be a better friend to her than I am. I really wanted to do more for her, but my hands are... tied.â
Lila is subdued when she and Marinette return. Her eyes dart to Adrien, and she frowns and bites her bottom lip. Then she looks away and crosses her arms.Â
âLetâs get back to class. Iâm excited to go to the photoshoot after school! I havenât spent any time with you in so long, Adrien.â Marinette doesnât sound like sheâs faking it. She sounds so genuinely happy, and Damian wonders if he can make her sound like that again. If he ever made her sound like that.Â
Adrien looks at Marinette, then asks Damian, âWould you like to come too?â
The look that Adrien gives him tells him to say yes, even though he can feel the cold that radiates off Marinette. Damian agrees; itâs time to try Barbaraâs suggestion and apologize, and since he doubts that heâll get a word in edgewise when theyâre working together at night, he has to try apologizing sooner.
The rest of the school day slips by in a blur.Â
Then, the four of them are out on the streets, and Damian finds their combination unnerving, to say the least. Heâs still on bad terms with Marinette, and Marinette has never been on the best terms with Lila. Sheâs going to this shoot solely for the opportunity to be with Adrien, and something about that unsettles Damian. Still, regardless of how Damian feels, the photographer on the set of Adrien and Lilaâs shoot loves all four of them.
âFantastico! Adrienâs friends are rare finds. Itâs true about what they say; beautiful people, they associate with beautiful people.â The photographer flits around Damian and Marinette, getting uncomfortably close. Damian shoots him a glare, but the photographer simply takes it in stride.
âYes, yes, the most beautiful eyes, so passionate. The perfect measurements, too! Lara,â he calls to one of his assistants, âGet them all to makeup. These four are who Iâve been waiting for to fulfil my vision of envy. Gabriel will have to wait on his magazine spread. Iâve been inspired!â The photographer circles the four of them, like a hunter and his prey.Â
Out of nowhere, the photographer grasps Marinetteâs chin, and despite the initial flinch she gives-- heâs not sure whether she was going to kick or punch him, but the sudden spitfire in her eyes said she was going to do something-- she settles into a locked jaw and curled fingers. Damian sees a slight jump from Adrien as well, which seems unusual; on the way over, he talked about how he worked with this photographer before and was very comfortable with him. He regaled them with funny stories of how he tended to reference spaghetti in shoots that were less pleasant to make the models laugh.Â
âAh, Adrien, you have truly delivered the favor of Fortuna upon me. I cannot believe I never saw this earlier. You have brought this girl to shoots before, have you not? I never forget a beautiful face, even when I am focused on other things.âÂ
Marinette calmly displaces Vincentâs hand from her face. âThank you for the kind words, Monsieur, but I think it best that we just watch the originally planned shoot. I am no model and have no interest in being one.â
Vincent gives Marinette a once over, like heâs not used to people disagreeing with whatever vision he has for the day. âFrom one artist to the next-- this project is important to me. Iâve had the idea for years, but have yet to come across the perfect models to portray it. What will it take to convince you? â
At this, nearly all the tension that Marinette has coiled up in her shoulders dissipates. Vincent has said the right thing. âI see. Really, Vincent, I think itâs best that you continue with the Gabriel shoot. M. Agreste wouldnât be happy if he found out that his spread was delayed.â
âBut the Muse, Mademoiselle! She runs away so quickly. And the four of you are perfect.â Vincent turns to the other three.Â
âSurely, you understand. Mlle. Rossi, M. Agreste, you must have felt an urge to do something so strongly that it pulls you in. And you,â he looks more closely at Damian. âYou are an artist as well, arenât you Monsieur? I can tell. Itâs in the hands and eyes. Art, she comes, but she is fickle. If I donât do this now, it will be gone forever. And the pursuit of true art means more than any Gabriel spread.â
Surprisingly, it is Adrien who responds first. âI might not understand art, Vincent, but I know what youâre talking about. The feeling of wanting to do something badly, to set yourself freeâŚâ
He twists his ring. Marinette looks at him sadly again, hands twitching like she wants to hold him to provide comfort.Â
âBesides, I donât really want to do a Gabriel spread today. I havenât spent time with friends in a long time, and I donât think anything could make me happier than doing a photoshoot with you three right now.â
This makes Lila look at Adrien in a curious sort of way. Not the sad look that Marinette is giving him, but one of a slowly dawning realization. When Adrien references her as a friend, she looks happy. Proud, almost. Then, she looks like sheâs connecting dots in her head, and she doesnât look happy with the conclusion that sheâs drawn. As soon as the frown touches her lips, Lila shifts back to an impeccably crafted mask.Â
Damian doesnât agree with the sentiment that they are friends. He has barely had a full conversation with the blond, though he will admit that Adrien does have more of a brain than the rest of his classmates. He looks at the ill-concealed shadows beneath Adrienâs eyes and sees Tim.
Lila agrees almost immediately after Adrien finishes speaking. âInspiration is fleeting. Art waits for no one.â
Marinette purses her lips. She asks Vincent, âYou wonât get in any trouble for this?â
âI can handle any backlash Gabriel throws at me. Heaven knows that man has pissed off one too many photographers before.â
âYou can, but what about everybody else involved?â She looks at Adrien, specifically. He fidgets with his ring again, and sends Marinette a look so pleading that she sighs. âFine. I donât mind doing the shoot.â
âFantastico!â He turns his gaze to Damian.
âIâll do it.â Heâs never been particularly fond of photographers, given that the invasiveness of the media has led his family to various unpleasant situations, but Cass went through a photography phase, and out of all of his âsiblingâ relationships, he is the most willing to indulge her.Â
âWill you tell us what the subject of the shoot is?â Marinette has inched closer to Adrien. Adrien pauses, stops fidgeting with his ring, and looks at Marinette. A world weary smile creeps onto his face, and his hand reaches out for Marinetteâs like he wasnât expecting himself to do that. He looks surprised when he finds his hand in hers, tenses for a moment. But Marinette doesnât say anything, and rubs soothing circles on the back of his hand with her thumb. This seems to relax him more than fidgeting with his ring. He sags, and Damian canât bring himself to feel anything but pity for Adrien. Lila looks curious, but not jealous.Â
Vincent surveys the four of them again, a growing smile on his face. âNo, I think the four of you are already perfetto. A little direction here and there, but yes, yes, this is very good.â
âLara, bring them to makeup. You know what to do. I must set up! Donât call Gabriel; we will most likely be taking this to a second location at sunset.â Then, Vincent is off, muttering something in Italian under his breath.Â
âThank you so much for agreeing to do this shoot,â Adrien rambles as soon as they get into makeup. âVincent is such a great photographer and heâs taken really good care of me over the years. Heâll take good care of all of you as well.â
He continues, a little softer. âI really wanted to spend time with the three of you, together. I--I think it would be really nice if we could all be friends.â
Damian has his eyes closed because eyeshadow is being applied, but he can practically feel the surprise rolling off Marinette.
âAdrien, we are friends already.âÂ
âWe are, but weâre not really close. The only person I talked to often was Nino, and recently, father has-- â he breaks off, looking exceedingly uncomfortable, before speaking quickly in an attempt to speak up before losing his nerve. âBut I donât just mean friends with me, I mean the four of us. I want the four of us to be friends.â
The makeup artist who is working on Adrien shushes him, but Damian gets to open his eyes. Adrien is clearly nervous. Heâs not shaking-- he is bred far too well for that-- but he has reverted back to fidgeting with his ring. He tries to bite his lip, but the makeup artist shakes her head and tuts.
The girls are both silent, and Adrien looks so nervous that he has to do something. He doesnât think heâs interacted like this with anyone as nervous as Adrien before; his brothers were all big personalities, as were the Teen Titans. He may have come across nervous or anxious civilians as Robin, but those situations were more straight and cut, involving little to no talking. Damian decides to that a cross between how he interacts with Dick and how he interacts with the people he saves is the best bet for this situation, though his tone comes out more condescending than he planned.
âWhy the four of us?â Damian canât really see why Adrien has singled out the four of them. As far as he can tell, thereâs no good blood between them. Adrien, Marinette, and Damian all harbor varying levels of dislike or discomfort towards Lila; Adrien, Lila, and Damian have all fucked over Marinette in various ways (or so he Damian assumes on Adrienâs part-- he is sure they would have been closer, otherwise); Lila, Marinette and Damian haven't talked to Adrien in any capacity that implies that they're more than mere acquaintances; Damian has done nothing that would put himself in the favor of the three.Â
Adrien fidgets even more, and the makeup artist smacks him and says that she doesnât want to have to redo his eyeliner. âI think we all have a lot in common. And, I might not be good at showing it, but I like the three of you.â
Marinette makes some noise in disbelief and Lila narrows her eyes.Â
âHear me out on this, guys. All of us try to help people when we can,â
âThatâs basic human decency, Adrien,â Marinette says.
âMe, helping people?â Lila scoffs.
âWe help people out more than most people do-- and Lila, you really do help people. Sure, you might not have been telling the truth about all of the celebrities or all of the charities you worked with, but youâve helped a lot of charities throughout the years.â
Damian quirks an eyebrow. âAnd me?â
âIâve heard about Silverstein and Company.â Adrien says, then continues on with his list of Reasons Why They Should Be Friends.Â
âNone of us like telling people about our problems.â
This is met with no resistance.
âAnd weâre also all lonely.â
Silence.Â
Marinetteâs makeup artist breaks up the oppressive silence, âAnd all good looking to boot!â
âItâs true what they say about the most beautiful,â Lilaâs makeup artist says, âTheyâre always so troubled.â
Marinette laughs, but itâs strained. âDonât worry Mademoiselle. Weâre just being teens.â
âLoneliness isnât a good reason to form relationships.â Lila says. Her voice is quiet. She looks off to some fixed point in the distance.
âItâs not the worst reason there ever was,â Adrien shrugs, satisfied now that heâs said his piece. His shoulders are back a little more now. Whatever happens next is up to them, not him. âAnd I like all of you. I think we all have very unique personalities that could work well together.â
Marinette shrugs her shoulders. âIf thereâs one thing that Iâve learned about relationships, itâs that initial compatibility means very little in the grand scheme of things. Relationships can work as long as you work for them. They might not be the fairy tale storyline that people chase after, but relationships that are worked on last longer. Adrien could be right. We might be able to all be good friends.â
Lila fixes Marinette with a stare. âYouâre willing to be my friend? After what I did to you?â
Marinette shouldnât be willing to be friends with Lila after what she did. In fact, after reading multiple books on healthy relationships when trying to cope with Chloe way back when, she shouldnât be willing to be friends with any of them. It feels fucked up, but Marinette realizes that Damian, who believed she was a super villain, has the least strikes against a healthy relationship currently.Â
Even though Marinette knows that circumstance doesnât excuse any of them-- Marinette doesnât excuse her stalkerish tendencies back when she first met Adrien, either-- she knows that the three of them are just teens who have too many responsibilities and problems on their shoulders. Theyâre capable of change, and as both Ladybug and Marinette, she wants to believe that someoneâs past actions doesnât mean they canât move forward. Perhaps their current actions should be taken with a healthy dose of cynicism, and perhaps their past colors how much Marinette will be able to trust them in certain areas, but throughout her years of existence sheâs seen that there is no person who has only done good in their life.
âYouâve been better lately. I respect someone who changes themselves for the better.â What Marinette doesnât say; sheâs mostly willing to try this tentative friendship out for Adrienâs sake, because Lila seems to be the only one who can get Gabriel Agreste on her side and Marinette needs her help if she and Adrienâs trust if she can ever dream of emancipating Adrien.Â
Marinette is also confident that Lila is currently coming into her own, and knows that Lila didnât have any good example to model herself after during her formative years. The fact that sheâs changing now? Itâs honestly pretty impressive, and even more so considering the people that are in Mme. Bustierâs class arenât exactly cut from the most inspirational cloth. Why Lila is trying to change is something Marinette is curious about, but theyâre definitely not close enough for Marinette to ask Lila that. There is also the very important fact that Lila has not been akumatized this entire year, nor has she gone out of her way to encourage someone elseâs akumatization.
A small smile settles on Lilaâs face. âThank you. For what itâs worth, I am ⌠sorry for what I did to you back then.â
Marinette hums with her eyes closed as a light layer of shadows placed on her crease. âI accept your apology. While weâre on this topic, Iâd like to apologize to Adrien. Iâm sorry that I havenât been a very good friend to you. Youâre an amazing person, and I want you to know that. Your self-worth should never be degraded by other people, and I really hope that you can come to rely on me.â
A watery, affectionate smile from Adrien. âMarinette, youâve always been one of my best friends.â
âI regret what I said to you yesterday,â Damian cannot muster an apology-- he does not apologize, certainly not for doing his job, but Marinette is⌠useful. He needs her to accomplish her mission, and sheâs kind.Â
There is no verbal response from Marinette, but sheâs looking at him, at least. She hasnât looked at him all day besides the one glare she gave him that told him to take care of Adrien.Â
Lila looks between the two of them. âWhat are you sorry for? I was under the impression that the two of you were great friends.â
He is sorry, if only slightly, but it takes a lot for him to get an apology. If anything, Marinette should be apologizing to him, for mistaking him as Hawkmoth, right? âLast night was--â
Marinette cuts him off with a sharp laugh. âDamian here thought I was Hawkmoth.â
Adrien bursts out laughing. âOh my god, you thought Marinette was Hawkmoth? Out of all the Parisians you could choose! You know she goes around the city saving random people, right? Sheâs our everyday Ladybug. Doesnât sound very supervillainy to me.â
Lila laughs too, and the tension in the preparation room finally breaks. âPlease, if Marinette were Hawkmoth, she would have gotten Ladybug and Chat Noirâs Miraculous already. Have you seen what a planner she is?â
This gets Adrien to fake shudder. âItâs true. If Marinette really were Hawkmoth, sheâd be so powerful. She knows everybodyâs deepest fears, can kick ass and take names, and can come up with the weirdest plans that solve everybodyâs problems in an instant. Imagine if she went to the dark side.â
âShe would make an awful akuma.â Lila agrees. âHow powerful you are as an akuma is linked to how strong you are mentally and how strong your emotions are when the butterfly lands on you. Whatever makes Marinette upset enough to have an akuma after her would probably be the result of some very strong emotions.â
âSheâd be strong enough to level the entire city.â
Marinette is bright red, and if it were not for the fact that mascara is being applied to her lashes, sheâd probably have her face buried in her hands. âOkay, okay, I would be an awful akuma. But I wonât ever be akumatized, so itâs fine.â
Adrien thinks of Marinette being an akuma more, and his face goes pale. âShe really would be able to steal Ladybug and Chat Noirâs Miraculouses successfully.â
âNo, sheâs too morally righteous to do that. Sheâd probably go after Hawkmoth and win while she was akumatized.â Lila looks pensive. âAll akumas retain most of their original personality traits, just exaggerated. Some even have some semblance of control over their actions.â
âIf that wouldnât be one of Animeâs top 10 betrayals, I donât know what is. Hawkmoth akumatizes Marinette and then she rightfully kicks his ass.â
âGuys,â Marinette hisses. âI wonât ever become an akuma. Never.â
âYou say that like you can refuse Hawkmoth,â Lila laughs. âYou can certainly go after akumas, but refuse them? No way.â
Adrien zeroes in on Marinetteâs hesitance. âHave you?â
Marinette shifts in her seat, her mouth set into a grim line.
âYou have,â Adrien says with a touch of awe. Damian is impressed too; no reports of people being able to refuse an akuma have passed through the many hours of research heâs spent scouring the internet. He understands why Ladybug put so much trust in Marinette. âWhen?â
This sets Marinette on edge. Her back straightens into a board.Â
Lila picks at her fingernails in shame. âDid I?â
Marinette doesnât respond, but the tremble of her mouth and her silence answers the question well enough.Â
Damian doubts heâll ever get the full story of what happened that first year when Lila arrived. Marinette isnât one to snitch, and Lila is both unwilling and tentatively ashamed of the past. Adrien wonât answer out of courtesy. Damian will never go to any of the other classmates to hear a bastardized version of what went down. He supposes heâll never find out the whole truth.
Marinetteâs stylist claps her hand. âOkay, enough teenage angst for today. All of your makeup is done, so itâs time to get into your outfits. Letâs go, kids.â
Theyâre silent as they dress.
#
The shoot is a flurry of excitement. There are many whispered conversations, but Marinette canât keep track of half of them. Whenever she isnât in a shot-- which is fairly rare as she seems to be the main subject of whatever Vincent is shooting for-- Marinette focuses on what needs to happen next. Though sheâs still not currently the biggest fan of Damian or the Justice League, she will give them a fair chance, because as much as she hates to admit it, she needs the help. Batman is right. Even though she wasnât actively working on the case for the first year, she still had plenty of time to gather evidence to back up her main suspects. Her lack of expertise in technology hinders progress greatly.
Not to mention that because Marinette was so wary about hurting Adrien and so swamped trying to keep a balanced schedule, she wasnât able to find enough evidence to feel safe in her convictions. Master Fu warned her of incorrectly accusing Gabriel in the eye of the public, and he hasnât come out to fight since the Scarlet Moth incident. Sheâs tried to investigate Gabriel in his own house, but any evidence slips through her fingers. Heâs a very careful man.
 Now that the promise of college is coming up, Marinette needs to take Hawkmoth down. Marinette doesnât want to continue her schooling in France. Not anymore. She wants to go to a foreign college, where dreams of akumas wonât plague her at every step. Half the reason she finds herself on the streets as a civilian constantly is to erase the gory imagery of death and blood that linger in her mind eye from akuma battles. Seeing happy and alive citizens in all of the areas where Hawkmoth attacked make her feel better, but arenât enough to chase away her nightmares entirely.
Marinette moves through the rest of the photoshoot in a haze. When she is in shot, she focuses on whoever sheâs shooting with. Lila, with sharp green eyes, barely begins to lower her guard when Marinette directs the conversation towards past modelling shoots sheâs been involved with. They interact unnaturally at first, but after starting to talk about Diorâs Spring/Summer ready to wear line, they find that they have similar tastes in silhouettes, though not in color.Â
She forces herself to ignore the fiasco that was last night, and talks to Damian about small nothings that donât touch on anything important. When she runs out of topics, she begins to talk about Renee, and his gaze shifts to something resembling regret and some other emotion she canât read. Dealing with whatever issues Damian has is not ideal. Heâll have to sort out his feelings on his own.
Adrienâs expressions are the easiest to read. Whenever heâs in a shot with Marinette, he is happy, plain and simple. There is less weight on his shoulders, and as Marinette attempts to cheer him up with poorly thought out puns, he looks like a kid again. He even starts punning back, and Marinette canât believe how much she missed that. Chat Noir stopped punning a while ago, and it hurt in unexpected ways.Â
Really, Marinette just wants Adrien to be happy. Adrien is Chat Noir. Her best friend. Her partner. Marinette thinks Adrien deserves the world. She wants to pave a path for him so that his entrance into the adult world is easier, because the facade Gabriel has built of a picture perfect family attempting to cope with the loss of a mother and wife isnât what Adrien needs.
Maybe Marinette wants him to have the childhood he wasnât afforded. Marinette clings to warm memories of her own childhood, where Maman trained her in self defense and Papa taught her how to bake when things get particularly hard nowadays. Her heart warms when she sees Adrien give shy smiles to Damian and Lila. Sheâs proud when he strikes up conversations with them.
In all honesty, the only part of the shoot Marinette remembers is the last section of group photos they take when they move to a second location. Itâs a cold day in Spring, which means Parisian tourists are more likely to be found inside an art museum, rather than on the beach. Adrien convinces them all that they should run around the beach, and somehow, they end up playing some extremely difficult version of capture the flag, but without the flags.Â
Somehow, Marinette ends up on a team of her own, for the sole reason that sheâs the only one wearing white, and the person who holds the opposing teamâs flag is Damian. She tackles him onto the sand, but not before both Lila and Adrien are hot on her tail. They end up in a pile, and Adrienâs laughter rings so sweet and true, that Marinetteâs heart fills with love. She shifts, so her body is facing skywards instead of into Damianâs arm, and she reaches one arm across Damianâs body to grab Lilaâs hand, who flinches at first touch, but relaxes. Marinetteâs other hand finds itself tangled in Adrienâs hair, and despite the cold weather, Marinette is content.Â
She looks towards the horizon, where the sun is setting in a million different colors, and finds herself longing for a time where every day can be just like this moment.Where there is nothing filling her head except thoughts of the people who make her happy. Her eyes shift straight up.
Where morning fades into night, the sky is so very, very, blue.
#
Marinetteâs room turns into an organized warzone at night.
The area of her room that was previously used to hold up various sketches and mood boards for designs in progress turns out not to be an upholstered wall, but a curtain that hides two whiteboards and a small library of books on the psychology of emotional manipulation, manuals of martial arts, and various books on strategy. The shelf above her desk space holds a projector that Marinette uses to project images from her computer onto the left white board.Â
âIâll catch you up on my previous attempts and what you have to know in order for this partnership to work.â She takes her tablet out, flips through several screens, then uses her fingerprint to unlock a folder of notes. âThis is a chronological list of things that Ladybug and I have attempted in order to find Hawkmothâs location. There is a separate folder with suspects for identity thatâs alphabetized. If youâre interested in more in depth analyses of past akumas, I can send that to you and your teamâs emails now, as most of the information is readily available online. Iâm assuming that you have a team, correct?â
âYes, I can send their email addresses to your number.â
âNo, for any information regarding Hawkmoth or superheroes in Paris, you can contact me through this number and email address. Ladybug and I both check it regularly; itâs a safer, more encrypted way of communication.â Marinettte taps her Miraculous communicator and connects it to her computer, so she can work on a bigger screen. âWhich person is your main point of contact?â
âOracle.âÂ
Marinette contacts Oracle through video call. She doesnât want to have to explain everything twice even if their partnership turns out to be nonviable. It takes a few moments to get through, but a womanâs face pops up on the screen. Sheâs a redhead and doesnât wear a mask. Her coloring is obviously different from the rest of Batmanâs affiliates, and despite her initial grievances with the white films over the vigilanteâs eyes, she understand why itâs necessary; their suits arenât magic, and thereâs nothing stopping people from running facial recognition software and matching them up to people who reside in Gotham.Â
âHow did you get this number?â Oracle asks warily.Â
Marinette moves her chair slightly so that Oracle can see Damian, who's currently looking at her tablet on her chaise. âIâm Marinette Dupain-Cheng, your point of contact in Paris and the one who will be working with you for the next week. As you can see, Damianâs already viewing some information that Ladybug and I have compiled over the years. Please get the rest of your team on this call. Iâd like to get all of the basic information out of the way now.â
âDamian?â The girl on her screen is a dead ringer for the girl they compiled multiple files on yesterday, but she canât get a trace on where theyâre calling from, which makes her suspicious.
Damian shoots her a text, confirming that it is actually him in the room, then goes back to scrolling through the tablet.
Nightwing, Red Robin, Red Hood, and Batman all appear on the screen shortly.Â
âGreat, the gang's all here,â Marinette says unenthusiastically. âIâll say it one more time. Iâm Marinette Dupain-Cheng and I will be your primary point of contact during your two weeks trial period here in Paris. Iâm assuming that your team has been brought up on the events that occurred last night. In order for this attempted partnership to go more smoothly, I will provide you lists of suspects, past attempts at revealing Hawkmothâs location, and more detailed information about all of the past akumas that have appeared. These files will only be available to you for the week unless the collaboration goes successfully. Damian has already given me your contact information.â
As an afterthought, Marinette adds, âDonât bother trying to copy any of the files. You wonât be able to. You also wonât be able to pick up on my location through this video call; Iâm using a Miraculous Communicator. The magic makes it so that any technology other than another Miraculous will be unable to find any identifying location.â
Marinette knows about this thanks to Maxâs brief stint as Pegasus. Though Marinette had not yet learned spells that would allow her to materialize her communicator outside of the time that she was suited up, she had Max try to find Ladybugâs location after sending him a text. He and Markov were both unable to.Â
âSince the Justice League insists on sticking their nose where it does not belong,â Marinette canât help but be bitter about this whole situation, despite the fact that her frustration with Damian has decreased. âLadybug and I have created a plan to make full use of your resources while youâre still butting in. Iâve sent a list of which organizations need monetary support. Most are affiliated with mental health.â
âLetâs move onto how you guys as a team can help us. As far as I understand, Batmanâs team is proficient in technology and investigation. For the past two years that weâve actively been on the case, nobody has had those skill sets and been in the long term possession of a Miraculous. The police attempted investigation for the first year, but their evidence and information was largely unhelpful. I will give Damian the Miraculous Communicator that I am in possession of to use his skills with so long as he tells me what heâs doing with it and he uses it while Iâm in his immediate vicinity. He can try to find out Hawkmothâs location on it, perhaps with a greater degree of success that we have been able to.â
She goes through the checklist she made one more time, just to make sure that she didnât miss anything. She doesnât really expect anything much to come out of this collaboration, except for the reassurance that the Justice League wonât interfere at the end of the week. Speaking of: âOne more thing. I want a notarized agreement that the Justice League will not interfere in Paris, nor will any of their agents of affiliates be sent here if this collaboration doesnât yield information that is already known.â
âGot a lotta spark in you, donât you, little mouse?â The vigilante called Red Hood-- the one with a helmet instead of a stupid domino mask-- laughs.Â
Marinette scowls. So far, the Justice League-- particularly the vigilantes of Gotham-- have not left her with a stunning first impression. Maybe sheâs a little biased, but they certainly donât seem to have any respect for her. Still, she only has to work with them for two weeks. âMy name is Marinette, but clearly your helmet hasnât shielded you from the memory loss that frequent concussions have clearly given you.â
âShe got you there, dumb ass,â says Red Robin, a grin a mile wide on his face.
âHood,â sighs Oracle, sounding highly stressed. Marinette decides that she is the most likeable. âLike I said earlier, we want to be on good terms with Marinette.â
âIâll get you the documents and funds by tomorrow.â Batmanâs voice is just as gravelly as the first time she contacted him. She finds that the more she hears him speak, the more pleasant she finds his voice. An acquired taste. âEven if this week is unsuccessful, the Justice League will be more than happy to continue to fund these organizations. Is there anything that Ladybug, Chat Noir, or you need personally?â
âNone of us are going to use the Justice Leagueâs funds for personal gain, Batman.â The accusations grates on her.Â
âBatman means,â Nightwing shoots a look to the side of his screen. Interesting, Marinette thinks. All of Gothamâs vigilantes are in one location, judging by their backgrounds and the location tags that her communicator provides her. Perhaps they have a headquarters of some sort. Back when there were extra heroes on the Miraculous team, Marinette sometimes wished that they had a location that they could all reliably gather at without revealing someoneâs identity. It certainly would have made strategy easier. âThat being a hero without any support is difficult. It must have taken a toll on your personal lives. If we can aid in any way, we will. We can excuse absences or hire tutors as necessary.â
âIâm no hero.â But Nightwingâs proposal may actually be helpful. Even though Marinette is making the grades necessary to go to the colleges that she wants, her continual absence and tardies arenât very flattering.Â
Then her mind flashes to Adrien. Can she use this offer to get him out from underneath Gabrielâs thumb? Marinette doesnât know if she can do that. Heâs already in a delicate position-- and already at risk, thanks to the photoshoot earlier today-- and sheâs not sure that Gabriel wonât move towards drastic measures if anything changes on Adrienâs end. If she wants to get him away from Gabriel, she may have to reveal his secret identity.
âLadybug will make the decision for herself; she has access to everything that is said during our meetings. Chat Noir isnât in the loop about our communications or any of the investigations that Ladybug and I have done. Ladybug says that heâs stressed in his civilian life, which is why his appearances have been decreasing,â Marinette admits. âIâll leave it up to Ladybug to give your offer to Chat Noir. If I can get a reliable excuse to get out of class or get to class late, that would be greatly appreciated.â
âChat Noir doesnât know?â Red Robin sounds horrified.Â
âHeâs currently a high risk for being akumatized. Ladybug didnât want to risk it.âÂ
Red Hood crosses his arms. âSo you have more of a job than Chat Noir does in all of these Paris heroics, huh?â
Even if Chat Noir did know, Marinette would have her hand in the pie at least twice as much as him.Â
âI wouldnât say that. Iâm just more available than he is.â
âAnd more trusted than he is,â Red Hood insists.Â
Itâs not that Ladybug trusts Marinette more than she trusts Chat Noir, itâs that Ladybug is Marinette. But sheâs not going to admit that. Not to them, and certainly not until Hawkmoth is taken down. Maybe not even then. She can only imagine the looks of devastation that sheâll get if she does admit that sheâs been Ladybug all these years. Her parents will freak out, Adrien will probably feel heart broken and betrayed, and Alya and the rest of her classmates will inevitably rail on either her or Lila or both of them. It just doesnât sound appealing to her anymore, though she can certainly remember a time not so long ago where she so desperately wanted to expose her identity.Â
âYouâd have to ask Ladybug that,â Marinette settles on. She copies and pastes one of the many messages that she has pre drafted and schedules it to send a few minutes later, so Batmanâs team receives a communication from Ladybug while Marinette is at the white board. She spent all of last night preparing for this meeting, imagining so many scenarios that she barely slept. The email sheâs sending will suggest what Damian should attempt to do with the Miraculous communicator that Marinette has. She adds in an extra comment that she trusts Chat Noir with her life, and that sheâll talk to him about offering him help in his civilian life, but wonât mention anything about the Justice League.Â
âWhy doesnât Ladybug just use her own communicator to join in on these calls?â Red Robin asks after receiving her email.
Marinette turns from the white board, where she is listing the past three akuma attacks and where her top three suspects were at each of the times. âThere may be magic surrounding her identity, but that doesnât mean Ladybug wants more time for all of you to try to figure out her identity.â
âSounds irresponsible of her,â says Red Hood. âLeaving a civilian to do all of the dirty work. Who are those people you have listed on the board?â
Marinette decides to let the comment about Ladybug slide. Red Hood is currently her least favorite out of all of Gothamâs vigilantes, but she has to remind herself that respect is mutual, and Ladybug hasnât really given them much to go on.
âThe top three suspects for Hawkmoth. Gabriel Agreste, the CEO and head designer of Gabriel. Nathalie Sancouer, Gabriel Agresteâs personal assistant of over twenty years. Mikael Bordeaux, CFO of Silverstein and Company's French holdings.â
Oracle takes off her glasses and wipes them. âSounds like your top candidates are all people in pretty high positions.â
âAgreste,â repeats Nightwing. âAgreste, as in Adrien Agreste? The boy thatâs in Damianâs class?â
âThe same,â Marinette says, not sure she likes where heâs taking this conversation.
âHold up,â Red Robin says after a few moments. âWhy is it that Gabriel Agreste and Nathalie Sancouer are on your list? Both Gabriel and Nathalie have been akumatized before. That should automatically take them out of the running.â
Marinette shakes her head. âThatâs what I thought in the beginning, while the police were still in charge of the case. But based on my understanding of akumas, itâs very possible that Hawkmoth can transform, send out an akuma, then detransform and let themself be akumatized.â
The whole Collector incident was a deliberate ploy to throw her off. She spent at least half a year convinced that Gabriel and Hawkmoth couldnât possibly be one in the same, despite the fact that he had the Miraculous Tome.
âWhat about Adrien, then? Heâs the only one in your class that hasnât been akumatized, sans yourselves, he hangs out with the people most likely to cause and become akumas, and has caused a fair number of akumas himself. Besides, he must know it if his dadâs Hawkmoth, which means he could be Mayura or even Hawkmoth himself.â Even if Red Robin presented her this theory before Marinette knew Adrien was Chat Noir, she wouldnât have believed it.Â
âAdrien is not Hawkmoth.â Marinette isnât sure how to explain how she knows without revealing his alter ego. She canât tell them that he wielded the snake Miraculous either, because that contradicts her earlier statement that she didnât know any of the other holders.
âDemon Spawn,â Red Hood says. âWhat do you think about Adrien? Youâve been in a class with him for the past month.â
Damian finally looks up from Marinetteâs tablet, blinking to bring himself back into the situation at hand. âWhat?â
Marinette scoffs, remembering that he thought that she was Hawkmoth. Sheâs not upset about it, but she doesnât trust his ability to discern alter egos-- at least not magical alter egos. âI wouldnât trust Damianâs ability to read people as reliable evidence to tell whether someone is Hawkmoth or not.
This causes a myriad of reactions from Batmanâs team and most of them are surprisingly loud. Red Hood whoops, âRoasted,â while Red Robin laughs and pounds the desk in front of them. Oracle smiles wide, her eyes crinkling. Even Batman manages to draw a smile to his face.Â
This makes Damian put down her tablet on the chaise and flush slightly. âI said I was sorry for that.â
Marinette thinks about brushing him off in annoyance but decides against it. Just based on the evidence that he gathered, it wasn't an awful assumption, and the Miraculous magic probably prevented him from even thinking about the possibility that she could be Ladybug, leading him to the next most possible conclusion. âItâs fine.â
In fact, even if Marinette canât trust Batman and his affiliates with Chat Noirâs civilian identity, she should still try to maneuver Adrien away from his current situation. She can call it in as a personal favor to Marinette, and as long as they have human decency, they should agree to her request. Sheâs been gathering receipts that detail Gabrielâs systemic abuse of Adrien for years. This is a good opportunity to begin Adrienâs emancipation process. Sheâs currently on her way to a better friendship with Adrien, and since Batman insists the Justice League has all the resources that she wants, thereâs no reason not to take advantage of them. She turns back to the camera.Â
âAdrien is not Hawkmoth and wouldnât know whether his father or personal assistant are. In fact, it would be preferable to remove Adrien from Gabrielâs care; Adrien is in danger of being akumatized because of how awfully Gabriel treats him, and I have the evidence necessary to take him to court. I just need a legal team thatâs good enough to go against a billion dollar company.â And time to convince Adrien that he needs to leave. That may be a more difficult task, considering the unending love and forgiveness heâs displayed for matters concerning his father so far. Honestly, sometimes Marinette thinks that he never learned how to hold a grudge.Â
âNoted. Letâs come back to that later, though. I want to talk about some other suspects you have on this list you gave us.â Oracle readjusts her headpiece and shoots a glare over her shoulder, presumably to tell the rest of her team to quiet down and get back on task. They certainly have an interesting team dynamic. Theyâre much warmer to each other than Marinette first expected them to be. Theyâre certainly closer than she and the Miraculous Team had been, when there still was a team, at least.
Oracle shares her screen. On it is a picture of Andre Bourgeois. âIf Hawkmoth is able to be akumatized, then Mayor Bourgeois is one of our top suspects. The Justice League has compiled multiple lists of suspects before we sent Damian to Paris. He stopped a lot of international press for akuma attacks and has caused multiple akumas.â
Marinette frowns. Mayor Bourgeois being Hawkmoth crossed her mind a few times, but she always decided that he was largely incapable and had little motivation. âWhat are your criteria for deciding who might be Hawkmoth? I highly doubt Mayor Bourgeois is Hawkmoth, despite him stopping the press.â
âWe determine how many akumas a person has caused, how much damage the akuma caused to the personâs primary residence and workplace, and how well theyâre connected to the people being akumatized. Andre Bourgeois has been involved in the akumatization of slightly more than half of all the akumas that have occurred, so long as we include his relation to his daughter and wife and there has been extraordinary little damage done to the arrondissements that he frequents.â
âInteresting. Share the list with the contact information I sent you earlier. You share some of the same criteria as we have come up with, but youâre drawing the wrong information from what you have. Akumas caused is also one of our criteria, as well as the damage that has been done to the personâs residence. I donât think that a personâs personal relations play much into who ends up being akumatized, however, thereâs good reason to believe that Hawkmoth is in a position of power, or at least well connected. They seem to know whatâs happening in the city before it ever hits the news.â Marinette opens a program on her computer, then turns on the projector to display a map with pins.Â
âWeâve been interested in the location of primary suspects at the time of akumatization; Ladybug believes that Hawkmothâs Miraculous power is restricted to Paris. Which means that Hawkmoth needs to be in or close to Paris at the times of all akumas, which crossed Mayor Bourgeois of my list a while ago. Heâs been absent for multiple akumas when he needed to go to conferences outside of Paris. The purple dots are Gabriel, the red ones are Nathalie, and the blue ones are Michael. You can see that theyâve all been in Paris every time an akuma occurred and within a ten mile radius of where the akuma was first spotted. Thatâs quite unusual, considering theyâre all in high positions of companies that should typically have them travelling.â
 There is also the little detail that Marinette found the Miraculous Tome in the hands of Gabriel Agreste, but Marinette doesnât feel safe indulging them with that information yet. If she tells them, they will want to see pictures of the book.Â
âHow havenât you cracked this case wide open yet?â Red Robin looks at the screen appreciatively. Itâs clear that Marinette spent a lot of time on this.
Marinette bristles. She may have a good amount of information, but her proficiency with technology leaves much to be desired. It took her an unnecessarily long time in order to get the map up and running. âWell, Red Robin, that might have something to do with the fact that neither Ladybug nor I knew anything about how to use technology in the way that was necessary to track him once the police handed over the case in the second year. Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that falsely accusing someone as Hawkmoth could ruin their entire life.â
Master Fu warned her against direct actions against anyone on her suspect list. In fact, he outright forbade her from doing anything, and although she no longer takes his words at face value after the many bumps in their relationship, sheâs not going to try to ruin any of these people without evidence. Especially not Gabriel, not when heâs Adrienâs father.Â
Red Robin frowns.Â
Marinette takes a deep breath. Sheâs too tense. Sheâs been taking every word that these vigilantes say as something they donât actually mean. Marinette needs to relax. Jumping to conclusions helps no one.Â
Damianâs eyes are on her, and sheâs sure heâs passing judgment. She needs to get out of this situation, get out of this headspace. Itâs not productive or healthy.Â
âI think we should end this meeting now,â Damian says, and Marinette begrudgingly agrees with him. She knows this is his olive branch.
âYou were the one who was upset at the lack of time,â Oracle points out. âWe donât have much time. We need every minute we can get.âÂ
âMarinette has given us plenty of information to digest for one night. Weâll regroup tomorrow and start on coding the programs to determine Hawkmothâs location.â Damian reaches over Marinette to end the call.Â
Obstinately, Marinette refuses to look him in the eyes. Sheâs been flip-flopping this entire day, and itâs not doing any great wonders for her mental health. Everythingâs been coming to a head in these past few days, and it isnât a good feeling. She can feel the pressure on her shoulders, the expectant gazes of all of Paris to do her duty and expose Hawkmoth, but she feels the weight of the inevitable backlash Adrien will face if her theories are true.Â
The past few days feel like three years compressed. People sheâs never interacted with have inserted themselves into the fray, and the big leagues have pulled out all the stops. She just talked to Batman and his team. Heâs been in the hero game for decades, and sheâs in the room with his son, Robin.Â
Everything is just too much.
Marinette feels like sheâs been a bad Ladybug. Like she hasnât done enough to find concrete evidence of her primary suspects because she is afraid of what will happen after. Sheâs half surprised she hasnât gone into hysterics yet, but then again, sheâs gotten very good at holding herself together when everything around her falls apart. The added touch of an outsider makes the fragile balance sheâs achieved teeter.
Damian takes her distressed appearance personally and heaves a sigh. âLook, I --I didnât think that you were Hawkmoth all along, only for a day before everything went down. I donât know what I wanted out of you, but your friendship was nice. I did genuinely want to be friends with you, and I still do.â
This makes Marinette feel even worse. Sheâs trying so hard to find fault with Damian-- which is surprisingly easy-- in order to distance herself. She canât afford to get attached to someone who can hurt her and is likely to hurt her, because an akumatized Ladybug is the last thing Paris needs. But hearing him apologize so genuinely means that Marinette canât summon up a negative response. She may not be able to say that she truly knows Damian, but she knows that he is a very prideful person. It canât have been easy for him to apologize to her so openly. An acidic response rests on her tongue for a moment before she pushes it back.
âYou were just trying to follow up on a lead. I shouldn't blame you.âÂ
âBut you do.â
He hit the nail on the head. Marinette grimaces, letting her eyes flick over Damianâs hunched shoulders and set jaw. She doesnât blame him for thinking that sheâs Hawkmoth, but she does blame him for getting the Justice League more involved, which makes exactly zero sense if she evaluates the situation logically. Her heart feels like Damian is the element of change; if he never arrived in Paris, Marinette would still have everything under a better semblance of control. It doesnât matter that Batman said the JLA had been looking into Paris for half a year, and that even if Damian werenât sent, there would have been someone else.
Itâs fitting that in order to move forward, they must break down whatever security that Marinette has built into her life, because life is just cruel enough to mess her up like that. Right now, sheâs a wreck mentally, emotionally, and even physically. Marinette can feel her throat closing up.Â
âItâs not your fault,â she offers. âAnd maybe if we get out of our current situation, we can try being friends again. But right now? I-- thereâs just too much stress on me, right now.â
Damian understands this, but as he descends the steps of her ladder, Damian canât help but wish that she felt otherwise.
Omake
âHow is it that Mayor Bourgeois is not in your top three suspects for Hawkmoth? Heâs stopped a lot of international press about the akuma for the first year!â
Marintte deadpans. âHonestly? The man is way too stupid to ever be Hawkmoth.â
âHavenât we come to the conclusion that Hawkmoth is stupid though? He couldnât steal jewelry from two untrained teenagers for years!â
Marinette decides not to take offense at that, and concedes. âFine, maybe he should be on the list. Iâd certainly akumatize Chloe and Audrey Bourgeois if I had to interact with them on a daily basis.â
_______________________________________________________
will these be regularly scheduled? absolutely not, even though i have the whole thing finished because i get the feeling that i am going to Change Things sooner or later (somebody please smack some sense into me everything in this story goes awfully very soon and the plot goes wonky and AHHHH)
#maribat#sbgs#miraculous ladybug#dc#daminette#original content#adrien agreste#lila rossi#marinette dupain cheng#damian wayne
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wanna read a really stupid conversation in a non-male facebook group where i was just called mean, unempathic, disgusting and that i was victim blaming?Â
OP: posts something about please think of maybe not writing âhey galsâ in posts because there are non-binary people in the group and i feel excluded (which i think is fair, i dont like it either!!!) a thread under the OP post: something about words can have different meanings, âhey guysâ can be neutral etc me in that thread: itâs also a bit about your own attitude to the word, which can be worked on so you donât have to be uncomfortable :P OP: with that reasoning you can call someone an idiot and say itâs their fault cus they have the wrong attitude towards the word me: do i have to be clearer? of course i donât mean slurs or when someone is out to hurt you. if someone says âhi guys/dudes/gals/etcâ without a bad intention, then itâs your own attitude OP: to misgender someone can be likened to a slur. to be misgendered is deeply offensive. random person: to say âif you get hurt by X then itâs your problemâ is a right in a democratic society, but it doesnât mean itâs a nice or empathic thing to do. me: i stand by what i said me: i didnât say âitâs your problemâ. thatâs your own interpretation. i pointed out that you can change your own attitude, which of course IS your own âproblemâ and responsibility. as a nonbinary person itâs rather favorable to be neutral towards gendered words if you donât want to feel bad or be upset 24/7 OP: tbh your comments are disgusting. so youâre arguing that the one who puts a person through offensive acts is the one who decides whether the victim should feel offended or not? what the fuck would that look like, i mean you can look at it like men vs women if you want to. then we should just accept all misogynistic jokes cus itâs just for fun, women should âlearn to handle a joke and not be so fucking offended all the time. shit iâm just joking that women are this and that way they are choosing to be offended 24/7 me: ok, that was a really strange interpretation of what i wrote OP: no, itâs exactly what youâre saying. and repeated several times. youâre putting the blame on transpeople and nonbinary people when they say âi dont appreciate when you say Xâ. as if the fault is theirs, not the people who are expressing themselves problematic. classic victimblaming, tbh. me: no itâs not, iâm talking about a specific context and youâre removing it out of that context and are trying to put it in others as if it is the exact same thing and that it works the same lol OP: i dont take it out of context. you are the one saying that it is MY FAULT, when it is YOU expressing yourself in a problematic way me: ok, if that makes you feel good. but youâre interpreting it all wrong. itâs not worth it that i try to explain when you canât read or understand what i write, or even want to understand.
annnnnnd then i blocked them bc what the fuck did i just experience????????
 for clarification, im not cis. im agender with dysphoria or some shit, i have yet to see the psychologist at the gender fuckery clinic.
i decided to be neutral towards gendered words because people and language work a certain way and i actually DONT want to feel bad all the time. i made that active choice cus i will probably never look androgynous and thus no one will ever say a bit confused âuhhh him? her? it? that? they?â when they look at me. like bro. you look like a man, talk like a man, walk like a man, people are gonna call you a man no matter what you claim you are. wanna feel bad all the time? fine by me, but it is possible to learn to not care.
also im specifically talking about nonbinary. not binary. my thoughts differs somewhat there so please do not choose to be offended or put more words in my mouth that i never said :)
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Worked at the local shelter for SEVEN FUCKING YEARS, coming in almost every sunday morning, and now got kicked out in the most rude, ignorant way over a stupid misunderstandingÂ
Tried to explain it and got a âDonât blame it on others now, this has got absolutely nothing to do with anyone else, this is solely on you.â
To clarify: I had called in sick, and got a negative covid test for the next sunday just to be sure (I had been coughing), and saturday evening at eleven pm, my ex-coworker, (who had decided by herself that I didnt actually need her help, despite me stating the opposite, its a lot of work), asked via the group chat if anyone would be in tomorrow.
Since its customary to notify the others when one needs a substitute, but without a note everyone thinks youâre coming to work as usual, I of course thought she ment if anyone else had reported for duty for that day yet in her place.
Since I had almost been asleep at that point, but didnât want to waste the chance of getting help also, I suppressed my pride and typed a simple âNoâ.
In the morning my best friend asked me to clarify that further, since it could lead to a misunderstanding as it was.
So I added an âIâm comingâ.
Then, in the afternoon, a huge racket, big drama, and I was being asked via group chat to come to a personal talk to either of the managers, because âit doesnt work like that!â
Since I was not only not aware of any wrongdoing severy enough to justify this reaction, and also not willing to let myself be summoned like a naughty pupil that has to go to the headmaster (weâre all adults, dammit?!), I wrote my view of things to the one manager, that had asked me to come talk.
No answer yet, wrote it in the afternoon.
Instead, the second manager wrote to me, stating that Iâm unreliable and erratic, and that I am thus excluded from the shelter for now.
Because she thought that the âNoâ meant that I wasnât coming in either, and that in the morning I suddenly decided otherwise.
So I wrote to her the same list of things that happened from my perspective, including that if the test had been positive, Iâd have told them so and asked for a sub again. I added a screenshot of the text message with the negative result at the end, so that she also could see that, as I hadnât been to work last week, I duly made sure to then get that test.
But she didnt care, Iâm not even sure if she really read it, as she wrote âYou cant cancel and then confirm, it doesnt work like that!â so I dont think she understood what I wrote at all...
I am beyond angry. Seven fucking years, and this is how I get treated over such a stupid gewgaw. And trying to explain worked really well, thanks for that.
If no one had been in that day it would have been a different story. But I was there, as I should have been, ready to work my bollocks off, alone.
Seven fucking years.
And when I called in sick, cause Iâm coughing, DURING A FUCKING PANDEMIC, the first b*tch a** manager asked me if it was because my friend (who works there as well and carpooles with me), was on vacation, stating that âit is rather noticableâ
Valid question, IF I HADNâT ALSO COME IN TO WORK REGULARLY IN THE PAST WHEN SHE WAS ON VACATION OR SICK!
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You are not and will never be replaceable. You love writing and Damian and flangst and validating people. You love your friends and joking around and the Grunkles and Arcade Spirits. You love what you do (excluding your stupid work schedule) and it shows. You are Jak, our Jak, our friend. And we love you.
Hah. Yeah right. Thats why no one talks to me. I'm sorry lys, im probably backsliding hard on any progress i made but I tried really hard to keep all gug stuff off my dash so I could focus on feeling better, i really really did, but seeing a new damian blog somehow get on my dash? That hurts. That really fucking hurts. It hurts that people i used to talk to daily only notice me when I'm sad and tired of trying to keep that sadness quiet. That I have to complain to get noticed. I'm sorry if this is seen as toxic too but its how i feel. I had really hoped that if I got better enough, I would be allowed to come back and have my friends back but i get that they dont actually care about if I come back or not, im coming to terms with the fact that they would rather never see me again.
#im sorry#i know this is probably a toxic post#im sorry but i cant help how i feel about this#im tired of being quiet about how i feel about this whole situation#reblog or dont#i dont care anymore#gug
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Ok so about hxh I don't dislike the show it's a good show. But the reason I prefer yyh is the set up makes more sense. It makes sense for a place like the demon world to have a fucked up tournament like the black tournament. The stuff that Koenma's dad pulled to fuck over demons given the system and that kind of character. You know what doesn't make sense? Giving known assasins and psychopaths more access and power. In HxH becoming a hunter means you get access to all sorts of locations pt.1
That regular civilians dont have access to and a liscence to kill without getting into trouble and all sorts of other shit. And they give that power to Hisoka who never tries to hide the fact he just likes killing people and randomly killed one of the examiners last time. And Illumi a assasin who freely admits that he wanted the liscence for a job. He says this to the people in charge of the exam. And he still gets his liscence what the fuck. Not to mention his family the secret pt2
oldeck family who the public doesnt know their faces have a house so famous that tour guide point it out while going through the city. Like it might have unbelievable security but why would you risk people knowing? Not that itâs a bad show or I dont enjoy it. Iâm not that far into the series. But things like that kinda take out of it. It kinda takes me out of it. Especially when this world isnt like this world of chaos its actually kinda like our world. Or supposed to be Pt.3
Yes, I have to confess the setting didnât sit right with me, either. I typically enjoy fantasy (in fact itâs my #1 favorite genre, and my preferred to write in, whether thatâs high fantasy like LOTR or something like Fullmetal Alchemist, or even modern fantasies like stories about vampires, etc. All of my childhood favorites have fallen into this category⌠aaaand still do haha)
But the setting always did feel strange to me. I never understood who or what was in control of this Hunter licence, and why they were giving them out to children, or what the point of them even was.
More under the cut. Long analysis of character, slightly more productive than what I wrote yesterday, and some more dissing of HxH (Iâm sorry) and its poor management of plot, setting, and character. Also, from now on, tagging all discussions and comparisons of HxH and YYH as HHD (for hunter hunter discussion) to keep it out of the hxh tag.Â
Once again, this is all just my opinion, my personal feelings, and are not meant to grade the merit of the show or insult anyone who enjoyed it!
See, I typically also like âsecret clubs.â But I like them being fleshed out. In Mass Effect, we know what a Specter is. They have almost unlimited power, but 1) they answer to a council which can strip them of this power, and 2) they have a clear goal â serving the council and the interest of the council races.
For YYH, we have the same thing. Yusuke has more power than the average human, having the authority to kill and having access to knowledge most humans do not have. But he 1) answers to Koenma, 2) has a clear goal of protecting the innocent from evil demons and other psychic phenomena.Â
And that stuff is outlined the MOMENT our protagonists enter the secret club, in clear words, and it doesnât take, you know, forever⌠But HxH, I have no idea what the whole Hunter organization even is? I looked it up and turns out I saw the whole 1st season, 31 episodes⌠and I have no idea what this hunter thing is.
So yes, I totally agree. For comparison, in YYH, we go through a rather good introduction to Spirit World all before episode 5, an intro to what Spirit Detectives are without learning all the details, but enough to understand, by what, episode 8ish? We learn how Spirit World can bend rules with Kurama and Hiei within the first few episodes, too. We learn Spirit World is a bureaucracy, that it has rulers and managers (Enma and Koenma), that it is occupied by mostly two species (ogres and Spirit World citizens, who are like spirits, neither alive nor dead), that they have prisons, that they take interest in human lives and society, that they have the power to revive the dead but that there are clear rules and procedures. We learn Spirit World citizens can inhabit human bodies made specifically for them. We learn Spirit World can unlock humanâs innate spiritual awareness. We learn the Spirit Detective job is sorta a new and untested thing (sending a kid to fight 3 demons⌠Koenma seriously didnât think the job through yet). We learn Spirit World houses powerful treasures like the 3 artifacts. We learn they have a freakinâ treasure room to start with. We learn you can break into Spirit World and its vaults. We learn that living creatures, even demons, can enter it. We learn spirits and living creatures can interact with each other as if both were on the same plane, tangible and all, while in Spirit World. We learn Spirit World watches and records events of interest in the Human World, sometimes flat out spying on humans like when they watch Keiko being chased or when the little girl (the investigator) stalks Keiko along with Yusuke and Botan. We learn ghosts arenât allowed to stay forever in the human world. We learn that the spirit and the body have separate energies that converge together. We learn Spirit World uses actual technology, not just magic, like VHS types and pocket watches. We learn Spirit World citizens can live incredibly long lives and look like babies while being a couple hundred years old or more.
^^ See all that? Thatâs what I know about Spirit World from watching the first EIGHT episodes. Episode 9 Yusuke enters Genkaiâs tournament⌠How insanely concise is that? Episode 8, and we know so much about just one aspect of this world.
Whereas HxH? episode 31⌠and I still have zero clue what hunters are, what their purpose is, what they can do, who they work for if anyone, what the qualifications for them are (just being able to fight?) We know nothing. 31 episodes!!Â
For another comparison, by episode 31, Yusuke is in the Dark Tournament, fighting Chuu. By this point, we had all four main characters go through the first cycle of their character arcs, we were introduced to most of the supporting cast, we had relationships established, we got backstory on some characters, we learned how spirit energy and psychics work more, we saw Yusuke begin his second cycle, we saw the introduction of a major villain⌠we had a lot. Whereas with HxH, all I remember is the damn big boat in the storm thing.
Speaking of character arcs⌠I wrote this in a response to something else, but I think it also makes my point here. I am incredibly fascinated with character arcs and character in general, even more than plot or setting or anything else. To me, character is all. So hereâs my breakdown of some character growth within the first 8 episodes.
YYH never really feels like it drags, maybe only in those moments I mentioned before. But it had an incredibly strong opening. Excluding Hiei, within the first 7-8 episodes, we have two characters (kurama and Yusuke) go through full character arcs that affect them all the way down the line of the show. The other two join after episode 25, though we also get to see glimpses of character background and some development even earlier (Kuwabaraâs sensitive side is shown with the kitty, his devotion to friends, his honor code â all before episode 8 as well, but thatâs not really an arc. He doesnât have one till about the Yukina Rescue arc concludes. Though his is a bit weak, mostly because Kuwabara was⌠pretty alright to start with? Itâs hard to develop when there isnât many places you can go. And out of all the 4 boys, Kuwabara had the least amount of baggage.)
For Yusuke, we have the theme of âcaring/not caring.â Yusuke stars off believing no one loves him and that heâs better off not being in anyoneâs life. The wake proves him wrong enough that he makes an effort to come back. Then when he thinks heâs missed his chance by throwing the egg, and sees his friends and family happily talking about him returning, he mourns because he knows heâs not coming back. 180 from âmeh, ima stay a ghost itâs better Iâm not in their lives.â So, he goes through a complete cycle just in that moment, from I donât care, to I do care and Iâm happy, to I do care and I am sad. Not just a simple arc, from point A to point B, but A to B to C. Itâs a very well constructed growth of a character. Full arch, full growth, and thatâs why it tugs at the heartstrings. Because the moment he started to care⌠he thought lost his chance.
That arc he goes through all before episode 5 cycles throughout the show, and makes us care because such a strong arc, such an emotional one, too, grabs the viewerâs heart by the balls and refuses to let go.Â
It cycles in the Suzaku fight â he experiences horrible pain to save people, but in order to really motive himself, he must see Keiko in danger. Heâs getting there, to the point of caring about humanity, but not quite. Then in the Dark Tournament, the lives of multiple people hang on his victory. But theyâre still mostly people he cares about, though now that has extended beyond Keiko into Shizuru, Kuwabara, Kurama, Hiei, Yukina, etc., all of those people. Heâs getting there, increasing the circle of people he cares for.
It keeps going up, challenging Yusuke to care more. The hospital had Keiko and shizuru in it. But also the new psychics. Then Sensui threatening all of humanity. Then the 3 kings arc threatening all of the realms. Yusuke progressively gives more of a shit about more people with time and new challenges and as he earns more friends.
And all of that is outlined in he first Fucking 4 episodes!! We know what hsi arc is, we know where he is going, we know what sort of character he is, and we get to see him become truly fleshed out in just 4 episodes.
Thatâs just Yusuke, too. Kurama also has a complete arc within the span of like two or three episodes, and those themes cycle throughout the show. (guilt, suicide and redemption â think Ura Urishima fight, when Kurama projects his want to sacrifice himself for Shiori to make up for his deception, where he tells the guy that suicide has no honor or redemption in it, even though the guy didnât care for that, his lie was about getting out of having to hurt people without causing harm to his grandmother, not about redeeming himself â family, lies, the better of two evils â to lie to shiori and stay with her so she has a son, or stop lying to her and punish self for stealing her âreal sonâ away) <â all that, for Kurama, is also outlined within just 1-2 episodes, and most of the screen time in those episodes isnât even on him. The only person who isnât well developed is Hiei, but the show does make up for it later, and Hiei is more reserved, so it makes sense we donât see as much of him. He still has a good arc later on with the 4 saint beasts though, that also ends up outlining his themes (loyalty, betrayal, teams/family units breaking and rejoining, found family, Hieiâs themes all have to do with family and loyalty. Kurama is all guilt and deceit. Yusuke is the fight against Apathy and the will to live and care in a world and life that had nothing in it before. Kuwabara is about keeping his humanity and honor code even when confronted with horrors like watching a girl be tortured, with possible death if he doesnât strike first, with watching Humans who were hurt themselves turn to hurting others with Seaman).
Itâs consistent, mostly concise, cyclical, and oh so fucking satisfying to my literature loving sensesâŚ.
And then hxh⌠where apparently nothing of substance happens in the first Twenty Freakin Episodes. I legit cannot tell you about any character growth in that time. Or plot? They take a test. For who knows how long. Uh⌠kurapika starts to like leorio when before he didnât? So he gets friendlier?? Maybe?? Killua begins a friendship with gon instead of getting himself that therapist⌠they play a ball game together. That gets them to like each other so much Gon goes chasing after Killua when he goes missing at the end of the season. UhâŚ. they are faced with the horror of fighting people they had to cooperate with before I guess. *shrugs*Â
If you put a gun against my head, the only character growth or arc I could maybe try to name for the first 30 episodes is that Kurapika started to like Leorio and starts to address him with a bit more respect, cause they worked together, so uh⌠nope, nope, thatâs not an arc in the slightest. Kurapika can simply be a person who doesnât like others until he gets to know them⌠So yes, Iâd get a bullet in the head.
And the fact that you need to skip the whole beginning of the show to even enjoy it, as @perpetuallyfrowning suggested ⌠I canât do that. I cannot enjoy any change in Gon if I donât know where he was before. But I hate where he was before, and weâre stuck with that for so long⌠Even if you didnât like Yusukeâs personality at first, you only have to deal with it for a bit because he changes so much so quickly.
So there it is, my rather lazy analysis of the beginning of YYH and HxH, looking at setting and character.
- Mod Lola
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Royalty not loyalty Chapter 5
A/N: Sorry that it is technically an hour late, but i had no wifi all day. Hope you enjoy anyway. I am working constantly on this fic actually wanting chapters so that i am able to finish it.
Read the other chapters here.
âThereâs no chance for us. Itâs all decided for us.âÂ
- Queen.
Stellaâs P.O.V.
We kept on partying and stayed together as a group all night, we might as well. When we felt like it we went back into the limo with some bottles and drove off to the beach. I was pretty drunk, along with everyone else, it had been a bit of a night. The boys had done some lines but nothing major. Louis sat beside me and kept feeding me the bottle I was drinking. He tried way too hard. We somehow ended up thinking truth or dare was a good idea. Because we were 14 or something.
âStella, truth or dare bitch?â Skylar said with a smile and I chuckled taking a drink.
âTruth.â I said and her smirk faded.
âCome on that is not fair, that is the second time in a row. You canât chicken out any more.â She said smirking again and I rolled my eyes sighing.
âFine, dare me if you dare.â I said chuckling, I took a sip and she smirked widely.
âOkay, I dare you to make out with whoever you think is hottest in this limo, besides me of course.â She said chuckling.
I sat back and looked at them wondering who I would like to make out with. Of course I would love to make out with both Robert and Louis whose faces seemed to be meant for that. Wait what? Oh right, I get horny when I am drunk. I smirked and handed the bottle to Skylar who cheered.
I leaned in over Louis who was smirking wider than a chesire cat thinking he had won. I put my hand on his face and I leaned slowly in feeling his hot breath on my face. I padded it once and leaned beside him and kissed Victoria, the boys and Skylar whooped beside me and I leaned out and chuckled I grabbed my bottle and shrugged at Skylar.
âYou never said it had to be one of the boys.â And she just laughed at me.
We arrived at the beach and ran out of the car fooling around with each other. Drunk was an understatement. High on life but low on balance I sat down in the sand not caring if it ruined my dress. The others apparently had the idea that skinny dipping was a great idea. I took sip of the bottle and handed it to the person I could feel sitting down beside me.
âSo tell me princess, how does it feel to let lose a little?â Louis said I chuckled and took the bottle from him.
âIâm not skinny dipping yet am I?â I said and he chuckled.
âAnd why are you depriving the world and more importantly me of that wonderful image?â He said and I laughed taking a sip of the bottle.
âI like my dignity and it is fun not pleasing you.â I said and he grabbed the bottle from my hand holding it still looking me in the eyes.
âFuck your dignity. Let lose for once, what have you got to lose?â He said and I chuckled pulling the bottle back towards me.
âSaid dignity, face, and Iâm pretty sure my parents would disown me if they found out.â I said and the smile faded from his face.
âDo you always do what your parents tell you to do?â He asked looking at me seriously. I shook my head but sighed.
âNot when I can get away with not doing so, but they do have some power. And I donât know about you, but I would rather cry at the back of a limo than laugh in the front seat of a Zuzuki alto or some shit.â I said and he smirked again.
âCheers to that.â He said finally taking the bottle and taking a few sips from it.
I got up from the sand and left him there while he was distracted shortly. He yelled my name and I turned around.
âWhat are you doing princess?â He asked and I chuckled turning around.
âCoursing some havoc of course.â And with those words I stripped out of my dress and ran in my underwear into the water joining the others.
He was right, it was fun letting lose and I should do it more often. But I knew I could not and I would go back to reality soon. Back to being pretty little miss perfect. So I decided not for his sake but for my own to go skinny dipping. Enjoy the freedom while it lasts. I should really stop listening to Louis, he is gonna get me in trouble, and I just might let him.
After being crowned we had the full weekend at a cabin in the woods where we would bond so that we could concentrate whenever there was a meeting. Of course we had to sleep in pairs because everyone, especially including my parents, expected us to end up with one of the other royals. I did not feel that way about Rian, but would probably be forced to marry him in a couple of years. Plus we were good friends, so I did not mind having to share a room with him.
I got up feeling major hungover, but after drinking bottles of champagne, I should not be surprised. I walked downstairs where there were pancakes and what else the people had prepared for us. Skylar was sitting with sunglasses on and Victoria looked surprisingly good. I ate the fruit bowl and yogurt in front of me, while all I wanted was a big mac, I had a figure to keep. The guys joined us and we kept talking to a minimal till we all had had some coffee and an aspirin. Louis sat beside me smirking at me. I was too tired to care how he magically looked good hungover. When I was done eating I made eye contact with Skylar who nodded and got up from her seat and I followed suit. Victoria did the same, even though, like I said, she looked gorgeous.
âWe are gonna go, look presentable. Boys, be ready in an hour, then it is time for our first task.â Skylar said and I smirked and walked away.
Skylar had her stylist flown in and they got to work on us while we had some girl talk.
âSo what is our first task gonna be? I hope it involves me making out with Robert.â Skylar said and Victoria and meâs mouths opened at her statement.
âDo you do anything that do not involve sex Skye?â Victoria asked smiling a little at her, Skylar just shrugged.
âI work in fashion, sex is something that I think about a lot, it sell you know?â She said and I chuckled.
âYou should not laugh Stella, I have seen you making googly eyes at both Rian and Louis.â She said and I looked at her offended and hit her arm.
âNo way, besides Rian and I am just friends, the only way that will happen is if my parents force me to.â I said and she looked at me disgusted.
âThe fact that your parents interfere with your sex life, ew.â She said and I rolled my eyes and shrugged, that was just how the game was, if they fit okay together and would be good for business that was how it would go.
Being forced to marry someone, and while I would love to follow my childhood dream of marrying out of love, that was just unrealistic. Especially if it was someone who was beneath me. I would be disowned, and like I said to Louis last night: I would much rather cry in the back of a limo than smile in the front seat of a Zuzuki. I was raised that way, I am certain that I could take care of myself, but I do not know how to behave in the real world. I enjoyed luxury, but I enjoyed the simpler things as well. The small moments I have spent with my father was amazing. He was actually a simple man, who was just lucky to make a billion before he was 20 and getting into the sculls and meeting my mother. She has always been like this, rich family, nothing and no one came before the family image. So my father had me alone on some occasions and showed me the simpler things in life. Like the little joint in queens where he grew up, they have the best sandwiches. He thought me to enjoy the small things. My mother obviously disapproves, but he always managed to cover it up as something she deemed appropriate.
Victoria pulled me out of my train of thought and cleared her throat and shrugged.
âBe that as it may, that does not exclude Louis.â She said, and Skylar smirked and shrugged as well.
âIf you dont tap that, I just might.â She said and I hit her arm chuckling.
âI donât think Im his type. And I hear he is trouble. I donât really feel like getting into trouble.â I said shrugging.
I turned around when I heard someone from the other end of the room, and saw Louis standing in the doorway smirking at me arms crossed. The other girls yelled at him to get out.
âThe guys and I was just wondering how far you girls were.â He said and I raised my eyebrows looked at him.
âAnd they send you to check on us?â I said and he smirking and shrugged and walked towards me.
âI volunteered.â He said smirking I rolled my eyes at him.
âWe will be done in 30 min tops. I need my hair the other girls need their make up and I have already picked out their clothes so should go smoothly.â Skylar said smiling up at him.
âWait what? We are perfectly capable of dressing ourselves.â Victoria protested. But Skylar just shrugged and rolled her eyes at her.
âOf course you are, but when you are with someone who works in fashion. Why not use it?â Skylar said smirking.
I just chuckled at their whole ordeal, while Louis walked over to me and annoyingly enough the hair stylist let him get to me. He leaned down to whisper in my ear.
âTrying not to get into trouble. Sounds like an awful way to live.â He said only loud enough for me to hear. He smirked and then walked out of the room.
A/N: that is it for this time, if you can not wait till i post more feel free to read my other fics they should be just as cool, find them here.
#louis tomlinson#louis tomlinson fanfiction#louis tomlinson fanfics#louis tomlinson fanfic#louis tomlinson fanfictions#louis tomlinson fic#louis tomlinson au#louis tomlinson au meme#louis tomlinson au fic#louis tomlinson au fanfic#louis tomlinson blurb#louis tomlinson blurbs#louis tomlinson fluff#louis tomlinson imagine#louis tomlinson imagines
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smartass cough i mean yeah lets get started on this
1- You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?
Iâd ask them how one of us managed to teleport over 1000 miles and why im naked.
2- Whatâs going on between you and the last person you kissed?Â
uuhhhh we broke up and we havenât talked in months.
3- If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?Â
yeah kinda
4- Is your last name longer than six letters?Â
yes
5- Was your last kiss drunk or sober?Â
all of them have been sober
6- Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?Â
yeah. put simply i made too many strong advances
7- What does your last received text say?
putting aside memes its âit meâ
8- How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?Â
fuck i cant remember that
9- Where was your last kiss at?Â
probably my room
10- When is the last time you saw your sister?Â
idk its probably been over 7 months
11- What do you drink in the morning?Â
milk. or water. usually water than milk then water again.
12- Where did you sleep last night?Â
my room
13- Do you think relationships are hard?Â
depending on the relationship, yeah. i mean if you feel that a relationship is hard then its not a good relationship.
14- If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?Â
as much as i would want to say otherwise, no.
15- Youâre locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?Â
it would be extremely awkward
16- Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?Â
rainy
17- Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?Â
i know people who have my middle name as their first name
18- Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?Â
pajama pants but thatâs going to change in about an hour
19- Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?Â
if things go as planned then no
20- Does anyone like you?Â
yes
21- Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?Â
my exâs name started with an s
22- Is the last person you kissed gay?Â
i think they were bi?
23- Is there a person you CANNOT stand?Â
yeah the person who kicked me out of my last home
24- Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?Â
many times
25- In the past week have you cried?Â
i cant remember the last time i cried.
26- What breed was the last dog you saw?Â
mutt
27- Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?Â
outside of the shower. i ainât wanting to get my towel any more wet than its getting
28- Have you ever kissed a football player?Â
no
29- Do you think youâre old?Â
no
30. Do you like text messaging?Â
yeah
31- What type of day are you having?Â
too early to tell
32- Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?Â
maybe once
33- Do you prefer warm or cold weather?Â
i prefer cooler weather bc jackets. but not cold because snow is horrible to drive in.
34- Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?Â
yes
35- Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?Â
a relationship
36- Are you a simple or complicated person?Â
i like to think myself on the simple side but then again all people are complicated
37- What song are you listening to?Â
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IK6eLTNV1k
38- When you say youâre sorry do you mean it?Â
i try to
39- Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?
she knows a lot about me and i know a considerable amount of her
40-What made you start liking the person you like now?Â
shit thatâs a whole can of worms. i guess its when she convinced me to start taking philosophy classes and fencing and i got to start spending a lot of time with her her slowly learning about her and her good sides and her bad sides and at some point i fell for her.
41- When did you last receive a text message?
at 4:30 am while i was asleep
42- What is wrong with you right now?Â
shit bro i aint even about to touch that. too much to talk about
43- How well do you know the last female you texted?
if we are talking about the group text then ive been friends with both of them for over 6 years now. shit its been 6 years? if we are talking about individual conversations then i would like to say that i know them pretty well.
44- Does anyone disgust you?
remember the person who kicked me out of my last home? yeah.
45- Would you date someone right now if they asked?Â
it depends on a lot of things; if i didnât know who they were and they asked me out of the blue then i would probably refuse but if it was someonw who i knew a bit better then i would consider it.
46- Are you in a good mood right now?
i suppose
47- Who was the last person you talked to in person?
a friend of mine
48- What color shirt are you wearing?Â
aqua ish?
49- Has someone recently told you something you didnât want to hear?
i wont say there has been anything that i havenât wanted to hear. definitely things that have made me uncomfortable but not anything i would outright say that i wouldnât want to hear
50- Anyone youâre giving up on?Â
i give up on people on a daily basis you need to be more specific
51- Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?Â
shit i cant let myself hate them
52- Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldnât?Â
yeah
53- Do you like rain?Â
yes
54- Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?Â
as long as its not excessive not really
55- Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?Â
you mean right now?
56- Do you like to cuddle?
yeah
57- Are you shy?Â
kinda? i know how to be sociable when i need to. learn how to do something sop that you donât have to do it.
58- Do you get along with girls?Â
most of my irl friends are girls
59- Have you dated the person you texted last?Â
no
60- What do you carry with you at all times?Â
phone, wallet, notepad
61- If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?Â
i used to live in a building that was supposedly haunted. once you get on good terms with the ghosts its not that bad
62- Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?
if its the right kind of relationship then yeah.
63- Think back to October, were you in a relationship?Â
no
64- The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?Â
i donât think id be able to function of they kissed me on the forehead
65- Did anything âcuteâ happen in the last week?Â
define cute. how are we using this?
66- How old are the last three people you kissed?Â
excluding my mother we have about 21, 25, and 21
67- Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?Â
do them myself
68- Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? Â Â
zebra
69- Do you have any stickers on your car?Â
yeah. because i bought the car from a family i was friends with it has a zombie family on it. if i can fins my triforce stick ill put that on there too
70- Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Â Â Â
who? who?
71- Blackberry, Android, or iPhone? Â Â Â
android
72- Whenâs the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?Â
i dunno
73- Do you like diet soda? Â Â Â
eh
74- What color are the walls in your room? Â Â
beige
75- Are you 16 or older? Â Â Â
im older
76- Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? Â Â
what?
77- Do you have a job?Â
yeah i gotta get ready soon for that
78- What are your initials?Â
NTS
79- Did you ever have braces? Â Â Â
no
80- Are you from the south? Â Â Â
no
81- What does your last status on Facebook say? Â Â
i havenât touched Facebook in ages
82- Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?
yes
83- Are you closer to your mom or your dad?Â
probably my mom but Iâm really close to my dad too
84- Have you ever done cheer leading or gymnastics?Â
does yoga count?
85- Whatâs the last movie you saw in theaters?Â
probably guardians of the galaxy 2
86- Do you smoke?Â
no
87- Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?Â
probably heels unless they are stilettos on any type of high heel
88- Is your phone touch screen? Â Â
yes
89- Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?Â
my hair only slightly curls so straight
90- Have you ever snuck out of your house?Â
i think so. its been about 4 years since i lived at home and if i have it would have only been once
91- Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? Â Â Â
rivers are fun
92- Have you ever made out in a car? Â Â
yeah
93- âŚHad sex in a car?Â
âŚi dont think i have?
94- Are you single or in a relationship? Â Â Â
single
95- What were you doing last night at midnight? Â Â
reading this ask and deciding to go to bed and answer it in the morning
96- Whenâs the last time you saw fireworks? Â Â
last night
97- Do you like the camera on your phone?Â
its a decent camera
98- Have you ever had a friend with benefits?Â
i guess my first relationship was actually fwb situation but honestly it was so messed up that i cant even remember
99- Have you ever passed out from drinking? Â Â Â
no
100- Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? Â Â
probably
101- Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? Â Â
every time a girl wants me to do her raw
102- Name your favorite Kesha song: Â Â Â
i think blow is my favorite
103- Do you have any tan lines right now? Â Â Â
right above my butt and some subtle tan lines on my arms
104- Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? Â Â Â
are you crazy?
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(I'm gonna mark these asks as from gay writing anon) On the topic of writing queer relationships in media: I totally agree that queer relationships need to be approached and written more carefully than het relationships. However, how "different" their writing needs to be I think depends on the subject matter and environment of the show. Like if the writing team wants to milk the "queer drama" of coming out, then they have to do more to treat the queer relationship right in writing.
Gay writing anon part 2) But what if the show is set in an environment where queer relationships are absolutely 100% nothing to bat an eyelash at / not at all out of the ordinary? I think they still to be written carefully, but do they need to necessarily be written differently than het relationships in these instances? Of course, this brings up the issues of writings teams who say "oh sexuality isn't an issue in our world" because they don't want to deal with the difficulties of writing (cont
(gay writing anon part 3) queer relationships legitimately, accurately, and sensitively. Media doesn't exist in a vacuum, so I'm not trying to argue that this is how shows should address queer relationships. I'm just wondering whether they are really inherently different in-universe of every show - they're obviously different than het relationships in how they'll be perceived by the audience, but what about the characters/universe? I absolutely agree on all of the other points you made (cont)
(gay writing anon part 4) especially your points about not having any normal feel-good coupley moments, and cishet writers having difficulties in pinning down what being queer is really like. I know when I first started coming to terms with my sexuality, I just ate up any media with any queerness at all. But now I'm tired of all these half-assed stories that still don't represent my experience accurately, and they're the best thing I have (excluding some examples like Alex's coming out) (cont)
(gay writing anon part 5) I just wanted to say again that I'm not trying to pick a fight or argue or anything like that - just trying to figure out my own feelings about queer rep in media (which I'm still muddling through) and compare them to others. I'm supremely grateful if you read all of this, and totally understand if you didn't. (If I forgot to go on anon for any of the parts, could you please not publish that part? I'm fine with you knowing my url, but I'd rather it not be public.)
okay im notoriously terrible w explaining stuff go figure?/ im a âwriterâ apparently (pls note here that i am hardcore rolling my eyes @ myself) but im gonna try bc u went to a heap of effort here & like im always a slut for literary discussion (esp when someone knows more than me bc im like heck Yes teach me smth?? anyway onwards)
so for me, when i say that a queer relationship always needs to be written different from a het relationship, part of that ofc is bc media doesnt exist in a vacuum as u point out!! &Â historically queer representation has been violent & stereotypical or completely erased or treated as a joke or a punishment etc so from this point like u said with modern stories dealing w coming out or realisations like i think those are rly valid & rly important avenues to explore still like there are ppl who dont feel represented by what weâve seen so far & there are stories that have barely been touched on if at all & thereâs so much more work & fun to be had there (hopefully a lot of fun) & i esp think that these need to be handled w care & with so so much love . i think also that queer relationships need to be written differently from het relationships bc like,, i feel like there is a lvl of awareness? like this is a constant choice that we are making to hold someones hand in public, to say these vows in front of family & friends & u KNOW that one family member has been teetering on the edge of blatant homophobia but is being threatened by that other family member to keep it to their damn self for one fucking day bc its a goddamn wedding ok or whatever there is this awareness & i think its kind of,, not deceitful but maybe ignorant or smth?? to ignore the ways in which society always has an effect on our relationships that het relationships dont? rly experience?Â
theres more to say abt it & i doubt i did that well at all but there just one tiny thing i wanted to say abt those universes that view sexual orientation as a non-issue which is like,,, for me especially, its hard to see true rep for queer women bc this is an orientation that is absolutely not abt men. but,, theyâre so prominent in all these stories & i dont mean queer women who were married before they came out or who have had sex w men like thats legit & valid & theyâre so valid im not abt that gold star bullshit i just mean like a queer relationship between two women, or more for our poly pals what up pals, in this queer relationship there are??? no men involved??? & its hard to convey exactly how i would want this to be represented in media i dont mean they cant be friends with men or family with men certainly not, i just mean that i feel like there is this gap of understanding like,, this is a love that is like,, itâs different!!! itâs !!!!! everything. i truly believe that this kinda love, this kinda relationship, is inherently different from a het relationship. it isnât the same therefore it Must be different.Â
i dont know if this makes sense or if u would agree w it at all, its cool if u dont, but yknow there we go. i tried lol
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-- taciteanEremite [TE] began messaging estrapadingTrueblue [ET] at 21:37 --
TE: Hey, Joel.
ET: What. Oh.
ET: Sup dude.
ET: Just got back.
TE: That's alright... Uh...
TE: I just have somethin' I need to tell you.
ET: Okay. Everything good?
ET: Havent seen from yall in a few weeks.
TE: Yeah... We're ok.
TE: We're just out on another job.
TE: I'm... uh...
TE: Not really sure how to tell you this, though. I thought I knew but I think I was bein' naive.
TE: So, I'll just say I went and done somethin' pretty spontaneous.
TE: ... A big somethin'.
TE: Me and Little got married.
TE: No big weddin' or nothin'... It was just the two of us.
ET: Spontaneous is one way to put it lol.
ET: Seems like something you would want to make a big deal out of.
ET: Or...
ET: ...
ET: Unless youre being serious for some reason.
TE: You know I wouldn't joke about that sorta thing...
ET: I dunno maybe you would?
TE: Well, I'm not...
ET: Why are you telling me now? Wheres like.
ET: Literally everybody else?
TE: It only just happened... So I'm only just tellin' people now.
TE: I wanted you to be one of the first people to know.
TE: ... But I know I shoulda said something before instead of after the fact.
ET: Its your choice dude. Your life.
ET: Therefore. Its cool.
TE: Is it?
ET: Its gotta be I reckon.
TE: So, it's not.
ET: You tell dads yet.
TE: No... Not yet.
ET: You ought to.
TE: I know... Reckon I'll message them next if I can get ahold of them.
ET: Shouldnt be hard. Theyre always around.
ET: Just a matter of doing it.
TE: ... Yeah.
TE: Joel, if you're upset with me, can you just tell me?
ET: Dunno dude. Thats a p important thing to relay.
ET: Ill have to think on it.
TE: Please don't be like that...
TE: We weren't tryin' to exclude anybody.
ET: But you did and it sucks.
ET: Sorry.
ET: This is stupid.
TE: No... I'm sorry.
ET: Its done C. Youre married now.
ET: Why tf you gonna be sorry enough to go back on that.
ET: Cant and you wont.
ET: Nobodys gonna ask you to jesus christ. Especially not me.
TE: I'm not apologizin' for that.
TE: I'm apologizin' for not considerin' how other people might wanna be included in that.
TE: I still would've wanted to do it the way we did... But I should've let people know.
ET: What else is gonna be done dude.
ET: Now. We just live with it.
TE: Yeah, except you're gonna keep bein' pissed cuz you'd rather be angry than admit you're hurt.
TE: You don't have to "just live with" that, you know.
TE: And I'm
TE: I watch you do this all the time and I'm just so terrified you're gonna push me away completely cuz I made a mistake and you don't wanna talk about it.
ET: Honestly whats the point. Actin like this shit wasnt a long time coming.
ET: You know I wouldnta done it to you right? But what the fresh hell am I talkin about.
ET: Maybe it was just a matter of waiting for the right foothold to come out and straight up say it. You dont got room for any of my bullshit. And I dont blame you.
ET: So Ill just do you a favor and give you your space man. Lord knows you need it.
TE: I
TE: I don't understand.
ET: Nothing else has got to be going through your goddamn mind Colt.
ET: You want your discretion? And you got it. Im not about to bug about it.
ET: You dont get to give me shit when I ask for mine.
TE: It's not about discretion... Yeah, we wanted privacy but it ain't a matter of keepin' anybody out.
TE: I know it's important to people and I appreciate that. I do care about that... And I'm sorry my decision makes you feel like I don't want you to be a part of my life or somethin'...
TE: But I do want you in my life. Of course I do. I'm tellin' you right now.
TE: And if I act ways that seem otherwise it's not intentional and I just wanna make up for it.
ET: Well tough luck bro. I aint here to give you that answer.
ET: But Im sure everyone else or like. Literally anybody else who isnt me might.
ET: Cuz I as far as Im concerned I might as well be anybody else.
TE: Joel... Please don't say that...
ET: I reiterate. This is really stupid and I dont know what you hoped to accomplish.
TE: ... You know what? You keep actin' like I'm the one who shut you out but you won't even try to listen to me.
TE: I'm trying to fix this.
TE: I guess it is stupid to think you'd wanna fix it too.
TE: I'm not tired of your "bullshit," Joel. There's never gonna be a time where I won't come running if you need me. There's nothing you can do that will make me stop loving you.
TE: But I'm just a person too. And I mess up. I don't think it's fair you get to assume you did something to make me wanna push you out of my business, while completely closing yourself off to any attempt at me trying to validate your feelings.
TE: So you can keep acting like I irreparably fucked up and that I don't get to care about how you're feeling, but it won't change the fact you're just running away from it.
TE: It doesn't help either of us.
TE: So I dunno what you're trying to accomplish either.
ET: Guess were done here then.
TE: I guess so.
ET: Lemme know if anything else comes up. Ill be around.
TE: Fine.
-- estrapadingTrueblue [ET] stopped messaging taciteanEremite [TE] at 00:45 --
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