#why did i have to explain to you how a fucking oven works

[zorasapphires]

so I move into this new house, and I love it to pieces, but as I live here I notice a few things that kinda like. are annoying or slightly unlivable, but it's not my house I'm renting so I can't do anything. so I email the property manager a list. notable things being, the oven tape that says what temp the oven is is gone (so don't know how hot the oven is, baking be damned I guess) and the cupboard has SIGNIFICANT bowing to the point I'm not hanging my clothes in case it breaks. also the curtains are mouldy but if I store them I'm storing mould and I can't throw them bc they're the owners property.

she gets back to me via phone and says "just clarifying your list bc the previous tenants never reported these things and I'm not sure how it's a problem?" fuck off???? for real??? idc what the previous tenants could live with. I'm here now and I want to live in a nice place.

I try to explain to her that I need to know what temp the oven is at and she's just like hmm okay I'll mention it to the owner. like no, fix it????

also the bowing she's like "well if you don't feel comfortable hanging your clothes in the cupboard that's unfortunate, but the landlord is happy with the bowing and doesn't want to fix it" fuckijg for real said that

idk this is just proving to me that landlords don't see their property as anything except their own asset, don't consider that people are actually LIVING IN IT. this is my HOME!!!! I want to LIVE HERE as long as I can!!!!! but you don't want to fucking incurr a single cost on your asset that's going to have wear and tear to fix over time as people live in it??? fuck landlords man

[little-forest-goblin]

Kitchen nightmares

Synopsis: Your husband, five, tries to cook dinner. It does not go as planned…at all.

“MOTHERFUCKER!”

Five was not having a good time. He so far has set an oven mitt on fire, an oven on fire and a pot on fire. How? he cant tell you. He just wanted to be nice and this is what happens? he has solved apocalypse after apocalypse and this is what defeats him? A fucking recipe for pasta?

Let’s go back to the beginning. It all started with you and his care for you. You have been working hard and your boss has rode your ass for the last few days and he had a day off. He wanted to use that day to cook a lovely meal for you and him to show that he cares and he wants you to relax and not stress. You know be a little romantic and take care of you tonight.

He found a recipe. Something delicious and simple. A creamy garlic pasta. Simple right? WRONG! ITS BECOME THE BANE OF HIS EXISTENCE! He just wanted to make you a pasta and some garlic bread. Simple, delicious and indulgent. He just wanted to take care of you tonight but the world has other plans.

It started when he was making the sauce. The sauce would come out too bland or too salty and he had to restart a couple times which ended up with him having to get more cheese and heavy cream. When he finally got the sauce right, in his haze of victory, he set the oven mitt to close to the stove and it burst into flames as he was putting water into a pot for the noodles. He smelt a burning smell, turned around and about had a heart attack.

Once the fire was put out he had to throw that whole entire oven mitt away along with the sauce. I guess it’s jarred pasta sauce tonight. So after that he decided let’s just do the noodles. He got the pot on the stove and the heat up so it can boil. He left for a little bit so the water could boil without being watched. After-all a watched pot never boils and besides whats the worst that can happen? Oh boy was he surprised. He smelt a burning from the bedroom. He quickly got to the kitchen to find the pot on fire. how the fuck did that happen?!?! He quickly got that under control only to find the reason why it lit on fire. Some ashes were on the stove where he put the pot and it lit on fire causing the pot to alight. He was livid cause the pot was ruined.

He said fuck it you know what fine. Garlic bread makes everything better. you are going to get something good whether it’s small or big or depends on his whole damn life! He is determined to show that he loves you and cares about you and wants to help you relax!

Well that went wrong immediately. He got the garlic bread into the oven but at what cost? It seems as though a garlic bread was a little too close to the edge of the pan, slid off and set ablaze the oven yet again. After the third heart attack he sat on the kitchen floor in defeat. He tried to he really did.

You got home some while later to the see the train wreck of a kitchen and your defeated husband. He looked at you clearly upset “Hi, honey”

Your eyes softened and came over to him and crouched down in front of him taking his hands in your own “Darling what happened in here? Are you okay?”

He shook his head “I tried to make dinner for you and me and it just didn’t work i wanted to show you how much i love and care about you but it just kept getting ruined”

You smiled softly and “Baby you didn’t have to you know that? i know you love me and i appreciate what your doing.”

He pulled you into his arms “I know but you have been working so hard and i just wanted you to be taken care of tonight since your always taking care of me too”

Oh how you wonder how you got such a wonderful husband. You held him tight. You explained to him how grateful you are for him and that he already takes care of you enough. He felt better now. You and him just ordered some pasta and relaxed on the couch and then snuggled in bed for the night. You felt so loved by him for his care and consideration for you and he felt so loved by your understanding and care for him. Needless to say mission: Make the night relaxing after a lot of work was successful.

———————————————————————

Hi guys! i hope you are having a wonderful day or night and i hope you liked my story and if you have any requests for a story please let me know and i will see what i can do! love you guys ❤️ 😘

[divinesolas]

BEGGING for an ethan x chubby bimbo reader smut ☹️

i cant find any nice or chubby bimbo readers with ethan on here and its awful !! i need her to be so innocent and sweet, just making ethan sandwiches and cookies while he helps her study. and then it gets to her anatomy classes and suddenly hes into the idea of corrupting her innocence, offering to better explain if they're both naked so he can point out each part of her body and then have her guess his. her hands softly touching his thighs and stomach as she tells him exactly what organs are where and hes so hard

Summary | it's hard to be someone's tutor when you're always… well hard during your tutoring session. During one of Ethan’s tutoring sessions with you he decides a more hands on approach to anatomy would be better.

a/n | i completely agree !! i love bimbo!reader sm!!

part two

“Ethan!” He was always startled when you wrapped your arms around him as soon as you opened the door for him. He always came over to yours to study since you lived in New York and your parents paid for your apartment. He liked his alone time with you and if Chad was there it would ruin it, despite the fact he’s practically dying to see how you would look lying in his sheets. He wraps his arms around you and pushes his head into the crook of your neck, breathing in the sickly sweet smell of your perfume. His hands grip at your sides, resisting the urge to slide his hands down and up your shirt. 

You pull away from him with a sweet smile and pull him in, “come in i made cookies!” Once he is fully through the door you rush away towards the kitchen, he's immediately hit with the smell of chocolate chip cookies and rushes after you, closing and locking the door before going to fin you in the kitchen. He notices a full tray already on the counter, they look as though they were just pulled out, he looks over at you and gulps. You're bent over, an oven mitt in hand pulling out the second tray, he admires you, your shorts are ride up and he can see the lacey underwear you wear and he suppresses a groan that rises up in his throat. He wants to run his hands over your thick ass, slap in, suffocate himself between them. “Cookies!”

Ethan snaps out of his thoughts as soon as you turn around and smile as you place the cookies on the counter next to the other tray. You admire them and clap before turning back to ethan, “Don't they look good?”

He nods mindlessly, not being able to take his eyes off you. You were mesmerizing, the way your eyes shined as you looked over the cookies and he tried to ignore his more indecent thoughts when he saw you lick your lips. Fuck he was going to get hard, he needed to sit down and cover himself before you realized.

“We can't eat them yet.” You sigh and pout, you were so cute and sweet he wanted to ruin you. ``But I can offer you some brownies I made yesterday. They were really good. Do you want one? You should try one!” You grab his hand and stare up at him with an eager look, he could give you something else to be eager about. “Umm maybe after we finish studying?”

You pout for a moment before nodding, “I guess you're right, that's why you're the smart one! Come on, let's go!’

He follows quickly behind you as you lead him up the stairs like you always did, he definitely didn't just want to get a good look at your ass… definitely not. You rush to sit on the bed, criss-crossed near your pillow with your notebook and textbook. You always had your stuff prepared, he sat on the opposite side of the bed, taking his backpack off and placing it on the ground next to him.

“What do you want to work on today?”

Your sessions always changed depending on what you needed for the week, whether it be math, science, history, or anything else that you needed he was always there to help you. Anything.

“hmm….” You think it over, he watches your face as you have a thoughtful look, you puff out your cheeks slightly as you think it over. He doubts he would ever get over how cute you are. His mind is suddenly filled with the most heinous thoughts. He wants you to only be thinking of him, he wants to be the only thing on your mind, he wants to ruin you.

You face suddenly lights up and you look at him with that innocently joyful face leading him to open up his notebook to cover his very obvious problem.

“i almost forgot i have a science test tomorrow, we should review that.”

“What topic are you guys on?” He wasnt in the same classes as you as he took all the advanced courses and you were in regular classes.

“hmmmm anatomy.. i think.”

The session started off normal, he had managed to suppress his urges and thoughts for a good while until you began to struggle with naming different organs and body parts.

“ugh.” you lightly toss your notebook down and huff. “i just dont get it.”

An idea crosses his mind, an idea that had his pants feeling tighter and his head in the clouds. I mean it was for science right? you wouldn't mind.

“maybe we need to try a more.. hand on approach.”

you tilt your head curiously, “like what?”

“when i say the term you point at me and tell me where on my body it is.” 

You smile and nod, “okay!”

God he loved you. Standing up he reaches behind his back and grabs the back of his shirt, stopping at your shocked expression, “ethan what are you doing?”

He laughs, “itll be easier if i dont have any clothes on, they get in the way.”

He rips his shirt off and moves to go for his pants. All you can do is stare at him in shock.

He didn't know where this sudden rush of confidence came from, maybe it was his eagerness? or maybe his stupidity when it came to you. 

Once he's fully naked the stupidity of his actions catches up to him and his face flushes, he rushes to sit down and looks at you.

you seem to be in a daze, your eyes cloudy and your eyes pointed downward. Youre looking at his dick.

You look up at him and place your hands on his thighs leading him to whimper.

he was so painful hard, his dick throbbed with need as precum ran down to the sheets, ruining them.

With your sweet smile and eager look you livk your lips before asking, “so… where do we start?”

--

part two??? JK im already working on it

[potatoqueenpal]

Yall I'm SO SORRY for dipping on you I have no ideas and I'm still fighting to get my avior fic back.

Have filler till I think of more angst

I present to you: Shaw Pack and Mates: Incorrect quotes

Sam, filling out legal paperwork: Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Sweetheart : Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Baabe: I personally was created in a lab.

Angel: I just straight up spawned.

Sam: We call that a traumatic experience.

Sam, turning to Baabe: Not a "bruh moment".

Sam, turning to Angel: Not "sadge".

Sam, turning to Sweetheart : And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO".

Asher: Knock, knock.

Baabe: Who's there?

Asher: Boo!

Baabe: Boo who?

Asher: Why are you crying?

Baabe: I'm not crying.

Asher: Hello notcrying, I'm Asher.

Milo: Angel, you look deep in thought. What’s wrong?

Angel: Did you know you can look at any object and know what it’s like to lick it? Even if you’ve never touched it before?

Milo: I’m never asking you anything ever again.

David: There's nothing worse than people using big words they don't understand.

Milo: I photosynthesize with this.

Sweetheart: I’m this close to falling in love with Milo.

Asher: Your fingertips are touching.

Sweetheart: Exactly.

Asher, spraying a melted cutting board with a tiny water gun: We gotta cool this bitch down. Cool it down.

Sweetheart : I actually just put the cutting board in the oven...

Baabe, visibly confused: Okay, so they decided to put the cutting board in the oven?

Asher, spraying Sweetheart : You FUCKING DUMBASS!

Sweetheart : Dude, I forgot-

Asher: OH MY FUCKING GOD! We're trying to make Chicken Alfredo right now, and you fucking MELT the cutting board in the oven at 400 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!?

Sam: *Watching in complete confusion while trying to process this whole situation.*

Asher: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?

David, turning to Darlin': How tall are you?

Angel: Sam said its my turn with the brain cell.

Asher: Square up.

Sam: And what do we say when someone refuses your offer?

Sweetheart : Suck it, boomer!

Sam: I don't know who "Boomer" is, but no.

Asher: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths.

Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

Baabe: I think my guardian angel drinks.

David: How did none of you hear what I just said?!

Milo: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Asher: I got distracted halfway through.

Darlin': Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Asher: Consider the fundraising over! Your hero has arrived!

Sam: Uhh… where did you get so much money from, Asher?

Asher: Well, you know, I’m pretty good at numbers. I just crunched them, I stretched them, I analyzed my accounts, I timed the market-

*police sirens start to wail in the background*

Sam: DID YOU ROB A BANK?!

Asher: Oh, come on, Sam, do you really think so little of me? *opens the bag as purple dye explodes on their face*

Sam:

Asher: …it was a credit union.

Angel: Tell them to eat shit, David.

David: Tell them yourself.

Angel: Eat shit, asshole. Fall of your horse.

Milo, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?

Darlin': Yeah, sure.

*A few minutes later*

Darlin': Here you go.

Milo:

Darlin':

Baabe: Why am I here?

Angel: Guess what I'm about to get!

David: On my nerves.

Sweetheart : That's a nice arguement, Milo Why don't you back it up with a source?

Milo: My source is that I made it the fuck up!

Sam: Aww, what's your cat's name?

Milo: Aggro.

Sam, yelling to Baabe: TRY AGGRO!

Baabe, on the computer: DIDN'T WORK!

Milo:

Sam: What's your favorite number?

Angel: I’m so jetlagged I can’t even regrender my chorf.

*Everyone stares at Angel*

Angel: I don’t even know what I was trying to say.

Angel: I've connected the two dots.

David: You didn't connect shit.

Angel: I've connected them.

And now, wholesome (amd flirty) ship incoreect quotes:

｡･ﾟﾟ･　　･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･　　･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･ﾟﾟ･　　･ﾟﾟ･｡｡･

David : Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?

Angel: It was autocorrect.

David : Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?

Angel: Yes.

Angel: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.

David : I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.

Angel: I said within reason, David . How about I murder that guy?

David : So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?

Angel: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

Angel: Hey, wanna take a shower with me?

David : I have a gun on that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shoot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.

Angel: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?

David : Nope, there's 26.

Angel: Ah, I must have forgotten U, R, A, Q, T.

David : Aww, that's cute, but you're still missing one.

Angel: So give me the D.

Angel: Hey, I’m getting in the shower. Wanna help me out?

David : ...Have you never taken a shower before?

David, sweating: Angel, there’s something I need to ask you-

Angel: Finally! You’re proposing!

David: How’d you know?

Angel: David, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.

Angel: I even picked it up once.

David: I want to kiss you.

Angel, not paying attention: What?

David: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

Baabe: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.

Asher: Wow. They sound stupid.

Baabe: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.

Asher: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”

Baabe: I guess you’re right. Hey Asher, I love you.

Asher: See! Just say that!

Baabe: Holy fucking shit.

Asher: If that flies over their head then, sorry Baabe, but they're too dumb for you.

Baabe: Asher.

Baabe: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles.

Asher: Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one?

Baabe: Seize the dick.

Asher: We have a problem.

Baabe: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

Baabe: I'm trash.

Asher: As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you?

Baabe:

Baabe: You smooth motherfucker.

Baabe: And yes it does.

Asher: Sorry I’m late, I was doing things.

Baabe: Hi, I’m ‘things’.

Asher: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

Baabe: I wrote you a poem.

Asher, already crying: You did?

Milo: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us.

Sweetheart : If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

Milo: I fell—

Sweetheart : From heaven?

Milo: No, I literally fell—

Sweetheart : In love with me the moment you saw me?

Milo: MY ARM IS BROKEN!

Sweetheart : Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest.

Milo: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

Sweetheart : AS ENEMIES?!

Milo:

Milo walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Sweetheart , I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK.

Sweetheart , sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

Sweetheart : I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.

Milo: That's great, Sweetheart . Especially considering the fact we've been together for 6 fucking years.

Sweetheart : I’m in love with you.

Milo: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.

Sweetheart : I know.

Milo: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

Sweetheart: I was going to suggest we do Marilyn Monroe and JFK roleplay, but I’d get way too into it.

Milo: What- how?

Sweetheart: You’d be like “come to bed … Mr. President” and I’d be like, “I need to increase the amount of American military advisors in South Vietnam by a factor of 18.”

Milo: Wait, what's going on? Are we all talking about how hot Sweetheart is? Because Sweetheart is a straight up sexual fox riding a red-hot nuclear bombshell right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of Babe City, Assachusetts, U S A. The last A just stands for more ass.

Sam: The stars are so beautiful...

Darlin': They're just giant balls of gas.

Sam: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then-

Darlin': And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you.

Sam: Oh...

Darlin': Wow, Sam, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.

Sam: We literally slept together yesterday.

Darlin': That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

Sam: I love you.

Darlin', not paying attention: What was that?

Sam: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

Darlin': Well, Sam and I finally did it!

The rest of the squad: *gasps, shocked expressions, etc.*

Darlin': That's right... We kissed!

Darlin': What are you in the mood for?

Sam: World domination.

Darlin': That's a bit ambitious.

Sam: You are my world.

Darlin': Aww...

Sam:

Darlin':

Sam:

Darlin': OH.

Darlin': I have feelings for you.

Sam: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

Waiter: What would you like?

Darlin': Bring a milkshake with two straws.

Sam: *blushes*

Darlin': *puts both straws in their mouth* Watch how fast I can drink this!!

Darlin': You got a date yet Sam?

Sam: No...

Darlin': Well you do now! Get your ass up and hold my hand!

Darlin': Are we fighting or flirting?

Sam: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-

Darlin': Your point?

Darlin': I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Sam: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Darlin': O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Sam: Is it working?

Sam: We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?

Darlin': …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out in bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?

Sam: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.

Darlin': Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

Darlin': Come to dinner tonight. I can’t cook, but I’ll bring plenty of free wine.

Sam: Marry me.

Darlin': This date is boring!

Sam: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.

Darlin': Then why did you invite me?

Sam: I didnt, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Sam I'll do whatever I want!

(This is long as fuuuuck and took me a good hour, but it was fun)

[harrywavycurly]

Omg maybe Eddie gets ghost!reader to talk to him again by baking to get their attention??

Hiii lovey!! Oh my goodness I love this idea!! I hope you enjoy💖

-find all things Eddie x ghost!reader right here✨

Eddie wipes the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand as he looks at the mess he’s made on his kitchen counter. He hasn’t seen you in a few days but he knows you haven’t left, something inside of him deep down can sense you’re still somewhere in his tiny house he just can’t see you. He lets out a huff as he looks up so he can take a quick glimpse at the recipe he’s trying to follow that’s taped to the cabinet door so it’s easier to read while he’s mixing all his ingredients together.

“Oh fuck I have to make icing too?” He mumbles to himself as he looks at the sad excuse for cinnamon rolls he has in a pan in front of him. He doesn’t know why he thinks this will work but he knows you love to bake so in his mind maybe if he bakes something you’ll come help or at least tell him how horrible he’s doing. “How the hell do I do that?”

“That’s not how those are supposed to look.” Eddie doesn’t jump at the sound of your voice like he normally does when you pop up unannounced, instead he smiles as he sees you sitting on the counter next to the pan.

“I followed the recipe.” He explains as you just look at the paper taped to the cabinet door. “I don’t know what I did wrong.” You hop off the counter and lightly tap Eddie’s hip signaling him to move over so you’re standing in front of his pan of sad looking cinnamon rolls.

“I’m sure we can fix them.” Your voice is reassuring making Eddie let out a sigh of relief as you start messing with the rolls trying your best to make them look more like the ones in the picture at the bottom of the recipe.

“Uh so I haven’t seen you in a-”

“Sorry about that I just was in a weird mood and didn’t want to bring you down.” You state cutting Eddie off as you look over at him. “Do you have any vanilla extract?” You ask making Eddie just raise an eyebrow as he frantically looks around his pantry for anything resembling the item you asked for.

“You know if you ever uh need to talk about stuff,” you grab the vanilla out of his out stretched hand giving him a smile in return. “I’m here.” He states as he rubs at the back of his neck as he watches you work your magic to fix his attempt at baking.

“These might be salvageable after all.” You clap your hands in delight after you place the pan in the oven and turn so you’re facing Eddie. “Thank you Eddie that’s sweet of you.” Eddie watches as you reach up on your tip toes so you can brush some of his hair out of his face.

“Yeah yeah uh no problem.” He stutters as you turn and grab the things you need to make the icing for the cinnamon rolls, he can’t help but feel as if everything is right in his world as he takes a step back so he can watch you move around his small kitchen like it’s yours which at this point he feels like it kinda is.

[lynnlovesspidahman]

this is me trying.

peter parker x reader

part 1. || part 2.

masterlist

warnings : None really, except for a few curse words here and there

word count : 1.5k

summary : Peter breaks up with you, randomly.

Also, I just want to make note that any Peter will work for this story, I just love the Insomniac’s version currently so I based it off of him 😭

You searched your pantry for something to eat.

You haven’t gone grocery shopping in a bit. You usually can count on Peter to take care of it for you, but he’s been extra busy lately.

Too busy, you thought. He was always so tired and seemed so overwhelmed. Sure, he’d been skipping out on some of your planned hangouts but you didn’t mind. He needed time to himself, and you fully respected that.

“Ooh, spaghetti..” You spoke to yourself.

You grabbed the box of angel hair and the tomato sauce from your pantry before closing it back up.

You bent down to grab the big pot from your bottom cabinet and filled it up with a decent amount of water.

You turned the heat on your oven and scrolled on your phone while leaning on the counter while waiting for it to boil.

“Hey, beautiful.” Peter appeared — literally — out of nowhere (a common occurrence, much to your disliking).

“Holy fuck-“ You gasped. “Okay, actually. Where do you come from? And how do you get in here so quietly?” You giggled as you approached him.

You stood on your tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek.

“So? How are you?” You ask.

“Well.. Y’know, tired.”

“Trust me, I know.” It wasn’t hard to miss his recent demeanor, he was so much more exhausted lately. You felt bad that you couldn’t help him more than you did.

“Yeah,” He let out a breathy laugh.

You turned around to check if the water was boiling; it was. You poured the angel hair into the pot.

“Well,” You dropped your hands to your sides, “I’m cooking pasta, if you want some.” You smiled up at him.

“I can’t stay for long, I’m sorry.”

“Oh, okay. You can take some home if you’d like?” You offered, you didn’t want him going home hungry (he literally would only ever have toast at his place).

“Nah, I just wanted to talk to you real quick. I’m gonna be gone before it’s ready.”

“Oh? What’s up?” You raised your eyebrows. You can’t name the last time he had to talk to you about something (Never, ever was it something good).

“I’ve been thinking,” He started.

“That’s a first.” You joked.

“I’m being serious,” He spat.

This time you stayed quiet. What is up with him?

“I’ve been thinking,” He bit the inside of his cheek.

“Stop biting your cheek, Pete. Spit it out.”

“I dunno if we should be together anymore.”

You turned back towards him, absolutely confused.

“Haha,” You sarcastically commented, “Real funny, Pete. You know I don’t like when you joke like that.”

“I told you, I’m being serious.”

“What? Why? Where is this coming from?” You had so many questions for him, this was all so sudden.

“I- I don’t-” He sighed, before continuing on, “I’m sorry, beautiful.”

“No. You can’t just say sorry and not explain this to me. Where the hell did this come from, Peter? I don’t understand,” Tears already starting to well up in your eyes.

“We feel like a chore. It’s like I have to be here every night, I have to text you everyday.”

“Peter, what the fuck? I’ve never once thought we were a chore,” You almost laughed, but you couldn’t. More tears had quickly followed.

“I didn’t say you did.” He spat at you. When did he become so attitude-y?

“I know, but I didn’t do anything is my point. I’ve never forced you to come over, if anything I stay up every night waiting for you. I text you. I make sure you’re okay everyday,” You were so angry. He had absolutely no reason to break it off.

“It’s just- That’s my point. You do everything. And I can’t even try.” He sat down in one of your stools at the kitchen island.

“I can’t be my best around you, and when I try to it just feels like I’m forcing myself to. And I can’t do that.” He put his head down on the counter.

“I don’t need your best, I just want you,” You were perfectly content with your relationship, nothing was wrong with taking care of him.

“Are you even listening?” He shot his head back up and scowled at you.

“Let me put it this way, I can’t enjoy loving you, and I don’t know why. How ‘bout that? Is that what you want me to say?” He finally snapped.

You didn’t want to be around him anymore. It was becoming unbearable. If he wanted to leave you, then so be it.

“I’m-“ He sighed as he pushed his hair back with his hand, “I have to go.”

He got up from the stool, and walked out. He didn’t even spare you a glance.

You stared at that door for God knows how long, but were suddenly interrupted by the water overflowing the pot.

You overcooked the noodles, leaving them gummy and mushy. Nothing could save this meal.

“Fuck.”

He never makes any sense.

You sat there, on your couch. Blanket draped over your lap, not even able to pay attention to your favorite show on the TV.

It’s been two and a half weeks. Since that Tuesday. The Tuesday Peter broke your relationship off. It’s all you’ve been thinking about.

His reasons (?) didn’t make any sense. I mean, was he just trying to come up with something that sounded valid? You couldn’t tell.

There was one thing you couldn’t question though.

“I can’t enjoy loving you.”

It’s like it was unable to leave your brain. Were you so unloveable?

You knew it couldn’t have been the end of you and Peter completely, there was still things left unresolved. Sure, you might not get back together, but you couldn’t live without Peter in your life. You could settle for friends (Right?).

But even if you did come back to him (again), would he care?

Your relationship was going so well too.

There was only one fight before Tuesday.

Your relationship with Peter had rusted, permanently. No matter if it would resolve in the near future (if that was even possible). This one would stick around.

It didn’t just ruin the two of you, you felt it everywhere else in your life as well.

It felt so hard to even hang out with your friends, while the wounds Peter had dug into you were still open.

It was hard to be anywhere, when all you wanted was to be with him again.

He brought you comfort, safety. It felt like you were constantly missing something.

You tried to call him. A lot.

Straight to voicemail every time, though.

You just wanted to fix the strained relationship, you didn’t have to be with him again (maybe).

You still loved him, no denying that. And you told him, in those voicemails.

But you doubt he listened to a single one. He didn’t care about your relationship, or you anymore. You had to live with that.

You tried. You really fucking did. You tried to get ahead of the curve, and you did. But the curve became a sphere.

It had been 5 weeks after Tuesday, you were back to square one. You decided to clean your apartment. You found the Spidey plush. Peter bought it for you on your eighth month anniversary date. You hadn’t been able to find him for a while, and eventually you forgot you even had it. But when you checked under your bed for any missed laundry, it was the first thing you saw.

It hit you, hard. When you first found him you grabbed and squeezed him and sat on the floor, crying uncontrollably. You gave up on the deep clean, you were too upset. So you sat on your couch and felt like an absolute failure.

How could a fucking plush cut you so deep? The wounds you had started to finally live with, started to hurt just as bad as when Peter carved them into you.

You caved into your old ways. You called Peter. Each time it would ring, it gave you hope. Each time it would ring, would mean he still had a chance to pick up the phone.

But he didn’t. Straight to voicemail. You didn’t know what else you expected.

“Hey, Pete.” You sniffled, looking up at the ceiling so your tears would fall out of your eyes.

“I know, I know I keep calling. I’m sorry. But I-” You paused to catch a breath. “I can’t. I hate missing you, knowing you don’t feel the same. I hate that I continue to love you the same, to this day.”

“This will probably be the last call, so you can stop worrying about that. At first I wanted to fix us, one less thing to get worked up about. But now, I think I just want to learn how to live without you.”

(You lied through your teeth. You really didn’t. But admitting it to him was probably your best shot at being able to understand that for yourself.)

“I-I’m sorry. Goodbye, Pete.”

You ended the voicemail. You sat there, on your couch, with Spidey next to you, staring at nothing.

You wanted to at least let him know you were trying, maybe then you wouldn’t seem as pathetic as you actually were.

Your phone unexpectedly pinged, interrupting your ongoing thoughts.

9:52 PM

Peter 🕸️ : Hey, beautiful.

Hi, if you’re just so happening to be re-reading this story, you’ll notice I changed up literally everything. The first version was literal ass and I hated it. So I’m hoping you’ve enjoyed it!

But if you’ve just read this for the first time, be glad you didn’t see the other one, lol.

I love you all and all of the support you’ve been giving me 🥹💗

Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated!!

[deanwritings]

Flour, Flour Everywhere

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Fluff.

Prompt: “…” “i can explain” “what did you do to my kitchen?”

Summary: Dean comes home to a very messy kitchen.

Word Count: 934

Gif:

A/N: Look at me writing fluff. Just a cute little piece based on a prompt I saw

Shit. This was not as easy as you thought it would be. 

You run the back of your forearm across your brow, wiping away the beads of sweat that had started to form. 

This looked so much easier in the Youtube video playing on your phone. 

It had come across your screen last night when you couldn’t sleep and were in the bowels of the internet trying to find something that would help you relax enough to finally pass out. 

But as “Apple Pie ASMR” played, not only was it deliciously relaxing, but it looked pretty easy. Which sparked the idea – why not bake a pie?

You tried your hand at baking over the years, never venturing outside of cookies, but you found baking relaxing, and figured there was a certain green-eyed hunter who would be very appreciative to have a freshly baked pie. 

So when Dean headed out for a supply run this morning, you popped into the kitchen and got to work. 

And boy, was it work. 

You had pulled out almost every pot, pan, and appliance as you worked to mix and form the crust and render the apples. It sounded so simple, but Jesus Christ you had been at this almost an hour now and you still haven’t even gotten the crust dough in the oven yet.

But you take a deep breath and dive back into it, putting all of your strength into the counter as you use the roller you found stashed in the far back of a cabinet as you attempt, again, to even out the dough beneath you, and you groan as it continues to stick to your rolling pin. 

More flour. Was what every website said if your dough was sticking, but every time you added more flour, it would just harden again, and you basically had to start over. 

But you were in too deep, and you weren’t the type of person to give up when it got tough. 

When the going got tough, the tough were going to make this god damn pie.

Dean wanderers down the hallway, grocery bags hanging from his fingertips as he takes heavy steps towards the kitchen. It was nice getting out of the bunker but sometimes it really sucked how long it took just to get some simple items since the bunker was so far out from town. 

As he takes his next step, he hears a grumbled “for fuck’s sake,” the voice clearly belonging to you. 

He picks up the pace, not worried, but curiosity carrying him the rest of the way to the kitchen as he approaches the entry, his steps faltering as he nearly loses his grip on the bags in his hands. 

When he left about two hours ago, it was a sparkling clean kitchen. Exactly how he liked it, especially since he was really the only one who cooked among the three of them. 

But now. Now it was a disaster. 

The counters, usually clean and free of clutter, were covered in what had to be every piece of cookware in the kitchen. In between the limited space of bowls and pans was flour, butter, Dean had no idea what else but holy shit was it a mess.

You’re bent over a counter, your back to Dean, not having noticed his presence. 

“What the hell did you do to my kitchen?” Dean roars as he finally steps into the catastrophe that is his kitchen. Yes, his kitchen. He spends the most time out of anyone in there, and prided himself on keeping it sparkling. 

You jump up at his voice and spin around, flour flying around you. 

He drops his bags on the table, being that there is no room anywhere else, keeping his hard gaze on you as he stalks closer. 

“I can explain,” you hold up your hands as he stops in front of you. 

He raises his eyebrows and nods, silently letting you know to continue.

Instead of answering, you spin around, and Dean frowns, but without any time to linger on his confusion, he takes a quick step back as you quickly twirl back, this time, with something in your hands.

Dean looks down in disbelief.

“Is that…” He points at it, his anger falling away.

You fold your lips and nod.

“Homemade apple pie.” You lift it up as a peace offering. “Fresh out of the oven.” You finish with a smirk.

Dean runs his tongue over his teeth, nodding as he decides if he’s going to accept your bribe.

“Fine,” he concedes, taking the tin from your hands. You reach behind you and return with a fork, with Dean grabs with an “ah.”

Dean hurries over to the table, pushing aside the grocery bags as he takes a seat, carefully placing the pie in front of him with the utmost care. 

He gives his hands a rub, taking in the golden lattices and glistening apples laying underneath, his mouth watering at the sight. 

He picks up the fork and digs in, steam billowing as he lifts the fork to his mouth, not waiting for it to cool before it shoves it in.

He takes a bite, the apples not mushing beneath his teeth, and an overwhelming taste of salt exploding over his tongue. 

“Soooo,” you come around the island and rest against it. “How is it?” You look at him with gleaming eyes. 

“Great, sweetheart,” he mumbles over uncooked apples, taking a hard swallow. 

“Does this mean I’m forgiven?” You plead.

Dean just raises his eyebrows with a tight smile and shoots you a thumbs up.

Forever Tags

@iprobablyshipit91  @likesiriusly @kittyque @findingfitnessforme @wonderange @deansgoddess @captainemwinchester @xtina2191 @smoothdogsgirl @mogaruke @chin-up-love @tsunadesenjuuchiha @lyarr24 @globetrotter28 @krazykelly 

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Pyramid Asks

👑👑👑👑

🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮

⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼

💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸

And because I'm just a bit too in love with Cranberry 🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺

Hell yeah! Let's gooo!

12 for 👑:

---

Chim tries very hard not to eavesdrop. He stares out at the glittering infinity pool and the nighttime view of the hills, marveling at where he finds himself. But when Evan raises his voice, it’s hard not to hear. 

“Wel, they can go fuck themselves, Maddie! You should do what you want! I think you’ve earned that much!”

Chim swallows uncomfortably. He wonders what the hell that’s about. 

He doesn’t have to wonder for long. Maddie walks back over moments later, heels clicking against the tiles, brother trailing behind her. 

“Are you okay to hang out for a minute?” She asks him.

---

15 for 🔮:

---

“I know what the firefighters told me. I know what the coroner said.” She replies. “But that’s what happened to your dad. What happened to you that night, Bobby?”

Buck feels cold.

Bobby shakes his head. “It was an accident. I didn’t use the oven correctly.”

“Not that, baby.” 

Bobby doesn’t speak. 

“Listen, you remember how it was before your brother and I left. I know how your dad could be when he was drunk.”

Oh. Oh shit.

---

18 for ⚡:

---

He ends the call, and within seconds, Buck and Eddie are grabbing onto each other giddily. Eddie feels flushed with a sort of excitement that’s rare for him. But has been more and more common in the past year and a bit. 

Buck kisses him.

“We got the house!” He exclaims when their lips part. 

“We got the house!” Eddie repeats before kissing him back. 

He pulls away really quickly and lets go of Buck.

“Shit, we’re at work.” Eddie mumbles. 

“Didn’t see anything,” Bobby calls out, walking towards his office. “Congratulations on the house!”

“Thank you!” Eddie calls back. 

Buck laughs. “Okay, that was our one free pass.”

“He’s in a generous mood with all the wedding planning,” Eddie observes.

---

21 for 🚨:

---

“Fair point,” he eventually decides. “We’re fine.”

“Chim!” Hen complains. 

“What?” Chim raises his hands in mock surrender. “I can’t actually be mad about it!”

“Well, I can,” Hen glowers, crossing her arms.

“Hen, I’m sorry,” Eddie insists. “I promise we were going to tell you soon.”

“It’s my fault,” Buck says again. “I didn’t want anything else holding back my graduation. I’m sorry.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have told Internal Affairs,” Hen says. “Neither would Chim.”

“True. Those guys are a pain.” Chim agrees. 

Buck and Eddie exchange a look. 

“But what about Bobby?” Buck asks.

---

24 for 🧟:

---

“That can’t have been easy.”

“It hasn’t been,” Eddie admits. “That’s why I’ve got to find him somewhere safe.” 

“Home wasn’t?” She asks.

“El Paso? No.” Eddie explains. “My sisters wanted to head northeast, but I couldn’t give up hope on his mom.”

Texas. Alright. That’s a trip. Not as much of a trip as Pennsylvania, but not a small feat in this climate. 

“Was she traveling during the outbreak?” Maddie asks. 

Eddie’s face tightens a little. Maddie feels a spike of nerves. 

“Not exactly. We’re, uh, we were separated.”

Maddie feels a chill down her spine. Her shoulders stiffen. 

“She… Did she leave?” 

He nods, not noticing the change in Maddie’s demeanor.

---

27 for 🔼:

---

Buck doesn’t know what to say to him. This is so beyond his level of life experience. He’s never had anything real enough to break this badly. At least nothing that was real to both parties. 

Buck takes a swig of his beer, and looks like he’s thinking about an intelligent response. 

“The worst part is,” Eddie continues. “I don’t know if I believe that it’s not all a lie.”

Buck frowns. “I thought you saw the ultrasound? How could she be lying about that?”

“Not about the baby,” Eddie clarifies. “About the abortion.”

“I’m not following,” Buck admits. 

“Before she asked for the divorce,” Eddie explains. “She said she needed to learn how to be someone’s mother again, before she could be someone’s wife. Someone. Not Christopher.” 

Buck’s shoulders drop. “Eddie…” 

“What if the plan was always to leave again? To not tell me about my own damn kid? Start fresh without us?”

“Come on,” Buck says. “That’s not… Eddie, no.”

“She left us once, Buck,” Eddie says. “She has so much guilt about how things went with Chris.”

---

30 for 💐:

---

“Sweetie, I know this isn’t simple to process,” Hen empathizes. “I’m glad you called us. Do you want to come over for dinner tonight? Chat with Karen and I?” 

Well, that would probably be helpful, but…

“I can’t,” May groans. “I have class from six to eight.”

With April! 

“Ew,” Buck wrinkles his nose. “That’s allowed?” 

“Okay, well we will figure something out,” Hen insists. 

“It’s an emergency, though. It wasn’t an emergency, and now it is!”

“What about it is an emergency?” Hen asks. 

“Because I thought we hated each other and we don’t, but now she thinks I hate her, and I really don’t!” 

“Oh, I see,” Buck replies.

“I don’t think I see?” Hen raises an eyebrow.

“You Bucked it up.” Buck says sagely.

“Excuse you?” Hen asks.

“I did what?” May narrows her eyes.

“That’s what Chim called it when I made an ass of myself over a crush I didn’t understand,” Buck explains. “Though I was jealous because he kept hanging out with T- uh, Eddie. Are you jealous? Does April have a partner?”

---

33 for 🩸:

---

“I won’t.” Kim grimaces. “No desire.”

“My son can never see you. Never know it was you.”

Her expression flickers with something curious, before returning to its previous displeasure. 

“He won’t unless someone else tells him.”

Someone else? Who the fuck else?

“And…” Eddie sighs. “And if you’ve infected anyone else, I’d keep tabs on them.”

“I haven’t,” Kim says, frowning like she has no idea why he’d suggest it. “I don’t think.”

Eddie nods. “I’ll be leaving then.”

He walks towards her, intent on making his way back out the way he came. He’s not afraid of her anymore. Except, she covers the door and stops him. 

“Don’t you come around here again either,” she says. “You or anyone. I mean it.” 

Anyone? What the fuck does that mean? 

There’s a look in her eye, though. A severity. Eddie knows it’s serious. Knows what they are. Two predators, standing in the dark, ruined from whatever sunny days lie behind them. 

“You can count on it,” Eddie scoffs.

---

57 for 🦮:

---

“Yes, pissy.” 

Buck laughs. “Shit. I miss you.”

Eddie pauses. 

“I miss you. Badly.”

Another pause. 

“We were supposed to have a way better summer than this.” 

Buck’s chest deflates. Their date. Yeah, he’s been mourning that lately, too. This thing isn’t ending and Chris isn’t going to summer camp, so… So, Buck doesn’t know. 

“It’ll happen,” Buck whispers. “Right?”

“Right,” Eddie promises. “I… Buck, I wish I’d been able to… Sooner…” 

“We’d still be apart right now,” Buck reminds him. “Maybe it would be even harder.”

Like Maddie and Chim. Though Maddie’s being pregnant certainly complicates things further. But he knows his sister has been struggling a lot without her partner. Buck thinks if he and Eddie had made it there, separating would have been insurmountably more difficult. 

“Yeah, that’s true.” 

Eddie sounds so sad. Buck is desperate to reintroduce some levity into this conversation.

“At least you can still flirt with people on calls to keep yourself entertained,” Buck teases. 

Eddie balks at this idea. “I have never flirted on calls!” 

“Well, not with me around, but now that I’m gone…”

“I don’t flirt on calls!” 

“I know you don’t,” Buck replies. “I’m just…”

“Trying to drive me nuts?”

“Trying to make you laugh.”

Another pause from Eddie.

“Well, how do I know you’re not flirting with all of Emergency Operations?” 

“You don’t,” Buck smirks. 

“Oh?” 

“Oh, yeah. Let me see… There’s Esther, who thinks all dogs are slaves, and that I’m abusing Cranberry. So, it’s going pretty well there. There’s Deputy Chief Carr, who just celebrated his twenty-fifth wedding anniversary…”

“Okay, okay. Point taken.” 

“There’s no one else worth flirting with, Eddie.” 

“Same here.” 

Buck smiles softly. He feels an awkward sort of squirming in his stomach. 

“There hasn’t been… There hasn’t been anyone. Since Ali. You know…”

“Really? Nothing?”

[miscfandomwrites]

A/N: Based off a prompt of two people who don't work well together being forced to make breakfast together, expect one of them fucks something up. Also, I made some characters have food allergies. Because I can and it helps make them more relatable in my opinion. Anywho, I can make more of this if y'all like.

Pairing: Stephen Strange x Reader (tried to keep it non-discript as possible)

Warnings: langauge

Words: 700ish

Tagging: @tyler-t0t

~

“You’ve never learned how to cook?” 

“Well, I have, I just don’t mess with hot things or knives or anything that might damage my hands.” 

“Well, that’s a bit vain, but considering your job is messing with someone's very delicate brain, I think you can get a pass. This time.” 

“Oh, this time, huh? Thanks, I guess.” 

I grinned at him. “C’mon, it’s our turn to make breakfast today, we’re gonna go all out so I can show you how to cook.” 

I grabbed a pair of aprons from the side of the fridge, tossing one to him. “I’ll do prep and you can make everything, should be simple.”

I asked FRIDAY to open up a digital whiteboard, and jotted down the ideas I had for breakfast: 

Banana Bread (2 loaves)

Pancakes with and without blueberries

Quiche (3)

Breakfast potatoes (two sheets)

Scrambled eggs

Bacon

Breakfast sausage

Sourdough bread

“That doesn’t look ‘Simple to me’ “ Strange remarked, eyes widening at the list as he finished tying his apron. 

“This is nothing, I used to work in a summer camp kitchen. Besides, we’re feeding several super soldiers, a couple gods, and several others.” I told him as FRIDAY helped make the lists of everything I’d need, and thankfully I had woken up early to feed and start the sourdough bread so it’d be ready to put into the oven in about half an hour. 

Putting on some 2010 hits from when I was a bit younger, I started pulling out ingredients while Stephen got the bowls, pots, and pans ready for it. 

I quickly diced and chopped a variety of vegetables and prepped some quiche in some pre-crusted pans that I pulled from the freezer, popping them into the first oven while I monitored Stephen making the banana bread. 

“Is this literally it? No seasonings or add-ins?” He questioned as he poured the first bread mix into the greased pan. 

“I mean, you can add like cinnamon and nutmeg and stuff but Clint has a nut allergy so I don’t, and last week we found out Loki is allergic to cinnamon, so.” I told him as I parboiled some potatoes. 

He paused at that and turned to me, confused. “A god from another planet has an allergy?” 

“Yeah, not surprising if you think about it for a bit. Took me a little bit to think about it as well.” I replied, taking a sip of my coffee as I used a fork to poke a potato. 

He narrowed his eyes and stared off into space for a bit, something I usually did when I was trying to figure out something in my head. 

“I mean, he is from another planet after all, and I don’t suppose they have the same spices as we do, so that leaves a whole world of possibilities open for them.” He said slowly after a moment. 

I nodded, taking the potatoes off the heat and straining them into the colander in the sink. 

“Peter is allergic to food dyes. Which is why he’s in the kitchen so often making his own candy with his friends.” 

“So that explains the large jar of sugar on the counter then.” he motioned to it as he put the bowl and measuring spoons into the sink. 

“Oh that? I think it’s citric acid, but I’d ask him at breakfast before you go putting it into anything.” 

He stopped for a moment and sheepishly rubbed the back of his head, making me pause. 

“You put that into the banana bread, didn’t you?” 

“It looked like sugar! What else was I supposed to use?” He yelled at me. 

“I don’t know! Maybe the jar on the left of the sink with the label Plain Sugar on it!” I yelled back, heading over to the fruit bowl and yanking the rest of the bananas from it. 

“It’s fine, we’ll just keep them in the kitchen and hopefully no one will notice.” 

~ One hour later ~

Everyone had started coming from their various morning routines and piled into the kitchen, grabbing bowls of food and taking it into the dining room as I got the hot pitchers ready with both regular and decaf coffee, and pulling out the pitches of various juices and iced coffee, carrying them into the room as well. 

As we finally all sat down, I explained how Stephen helped make breakfast and pointed towards the banana bread, and soon enough everyone had a slice. 

“WHAT THE FUCK!?” came from Bucky, spitting out the slice on his plate. “WHY IS IT SOUR?” 

Welp, looks like people noticed.

[meraki-sunset]

There's still one thing I don't understand about the concept of an absolved timeline: as alt!Calliope explained, this is a timeline whose relevance is fed from the canon, or in other words, us readers who came from the original homestuck in search of a new story. But in a completely technical standpoint the alpha timeline exist because there is no other timeline that end up creating LE, whose influence reaches far before time ever existed, and thus needs to be created to complete the biggest time loop ever existed in the history of paradox space. This timeline however, fail this exact condition on account of Gamzee regain his autonomy from LE, thus giving him no reason to remain in the battle against Caliborn, if he even raised the cherubs in the first place. So without this event, and subsequently possessed lil cal->doc scratch ->Lord English, how is this timeline not doomed 100 times and back?

What you're saying is true. According to canon, no timeline exept the alpha can exist. only homestuck canon can exist and every other timeline with even the slight variation will get doomed and everyone in it die without fail. Period. No point in arguing.

I say that's stupid and i don't like it.

SO i'm making use of what i call "the pesterquest dinamic"

Spoiler alert

In pesterquest MSPAReader, after meeting the homestuck cast and learning about their horrible fate to come, basically says "fuck you this is my timeline now" and dives into the Green sun and absorves it's powers, becoming a guardian, like Beckerel and Doc Scratch

With this power they sever the timeline they've intervined into from canon logic.

They create a "Locked timeline". a Timeline that doesn't have to create Lord English. It needs to, it should, the things that happen in the homestuck timeline are part of a big infinite loop that must create him and can't be tampered with or it will result in doom. But that's the thing with loops, they don't have a begining or end. any part of it that you sever can be the begining, the middle or the end

What i'm trying to say is, time in homestuck isn't linear, it doesn't follow the logic that changing something in the past should change the future. it doesn't it just marks the timeline as doomed when something is changed and that's the end. just a cross in the clipboard and fate moves to the next timeline leaving that one to rot

So grabing a timeline, severing a chunk of it (like the period where the kids and trolls haven't played the game), changing it for the better and letting it survive by external means is posible acording to Pesterquest.

Just imagine this. if a homestuck timeline is a book, and you rip a page, does the book change? did you changed the past? do the future events of the book change because tecnically the events of the page you ripped are no longer part of the book? No, the book follows it course. it just became a useless book. A broken book. It's now a doomed timeline. It can't no longer fullfill it's purpose. it'll be disposed of. That's how homestuck timelines it works.

That's why i always refer to CSAU as "infested with paradoxes" and "leaching from the canon timeline" because i know it shouldn't exist acording to canon. acording to canon it should be doomed.

But it's not. Because every little thing that CSAU lacks, every page that has been riped, that should doom it, CSAU steals it from canon homestuck

That's what i tryed to explain with "the river and the puddle" analogy. The puddle doesn't dry because it feeds from the river. CSAU doesn't get doomed because it leaches from homestuck.

How did The Felt get to the game in CSAU? The Felt are LE's minions and acording to canon before they got to the game they were at hussies mansion, where LE killed Hussie, and then Jack escaped with them and Ms. Paint inside of an oven and into the Alpha kid's game. That never happened in CSAU, that event of LE breaking into Hussies mansion with his minions and killing him never happened in this AU, yet the characters from it are here, with memories of it happening. they remember it happening tho it didn't. That's because they're copies, they're stolen from canon.

CSAU steals it's missing pieces from canon to stay alive, like a parasite, a harmless one in a comensalistic relationship. Canon doesn't even know we're here.

And the guardian who keeps the timeline safe, the force that gives it relevance for it to keep doing what it does and keep feeding from the river, who keeps the puddle's tiny stream of water that conects it to the river from being severed, It's us. It's you and It's me. CSAU is relevant to us for diferent reasons for every person, but that's why it exists. Because it's important to me and maybe to you and that's all tha matters. Canon it's it's sourse of missing pieces with which patches it's paradoxes and we are it's sourse of relevance. That's what makes an absolved timeline, that's all it takes.

A will to survive and people to care.

I hope there's more timelines like this one out there

[kenni33]

Incorrect quotes brozone edition

John Dory: So don't panic but one of us is possessed by an owl.... 
Bruce: .... 
Floyd: ..... 
Clay : ...... 
Branch: ..Who? 
John Dory: That's the thing we don't- 
*Everyone stares at Branch*

Branch: Where's Bruce, John Dory, and Floyd? 
Floyd: They're playing hide and seek. 
Branch: Where? 
Floyd: I don't think you get how this game works.

Branch: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses. 
John Dory: This knife is actually a magic wand. 
Clay : Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel. 
Floyd: *cocks gun* Magic missile. 
Bruce: What the fuck is wrong with you people.

Clay: What does “take out” mean? 
Floyd: Food. 
Bruce: Dating. 
John dory: Murder. 
Branch: It can be all three if you’re brave enough.

Clay: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me? 
Bruce: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it. 
John dory: Three of us saw it, Bruce. How do you explain that? 
Bruce: *points at Floyd* Sleep deprivation. *points at branch* Paranoia. *points at John Dory* Delusional personality disorder.

Floyd: Problem, I can't tell if this food is over-sauced or undercooked.

Clay : Solution, just pop it back in the oven for another 10 minutes. There's at least a 50% chance that'll fix it, right?

Bruce: Result? Food has somehow become unpleasantly soggy and unpleasantly crunchy at the exact same time.

John dory: No better time than this to pull out my favorite word! Slunchy!

Branch: ...put it away.

John Dory: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be? 
Clay: Maybe a bit tipsy? 
Bruce: Drunk. 
Floyd : Wasted. 
Branch: Dead.

Floyd: Look guys, I need help. 
Bruce: Love help? 
Clay: Financial help? 
John dory:Emotional help? 
Branch: Help moving a body? 
*Everybody looks at Branch* 
Branch: What?

John Dory : Guys… the principal just called—

Floyd: It was Bruce!

Bruce: It was Branch!

Branch: It was Clay!

Clay: It was me!

John Dory : Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest, that just sounds nice and cozy. But if I invite you to my cabin in the woods you’re going to die.

Floyd: My favorite is explaining the difference between a butt dial and a booty call.

Bruce: It’s called connotations.

Branch: Try this one on for size, “Forgive me, Father, I have sinned” vs “Sorry, Daddy, I’ve been naughty."

Clay: Great news! Language is now banned!

Branch: What do rainbows mean to you? 
Floyd: Gay rights. 
John dory : There's money. 
Bruce : The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole Earth with a flood. 
Clay: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops.

Floyd: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Bruce: 'hottest smile'

Clay: 'Nicest Personality'

John Dory : 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Branch: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

Bruce: What makes you all smile? 
Floyd: Friends and Family. 
Clay : Snacks. 
John dory: Victory and success. 
Branch: Face muscles.

Floyd: Plants have feelings too?! What is this? Now I can't have food! 
John Dory : You can eat a rock. 
Clay: Air. 
Bruce: The fabric of time and space. 
Branch: Chugging a bottle of bleach can solve all your problems. 
Floyd: You guys are not helpful.

[surftrips]

LOVE HIM (I DID)

OBX WRITING WEEK DAY 4 — SECOND CHANCE W/ RAFE CAMERON

word count: 1093

summary: rafe leaves for the last time. y/n comes back for the last time.

a/n: sorry this is a day late! was absolutely slammed this week with work, so the rest of my stories for obx week will be pushed back by one day. <3

You should’ve known better. You had met Rafe through your favorite cousin, at a backyard pool party. It was late and you two were the only ones left standing outside, lighting cigarettes off the oven. 

That was in the summer, you could’ve never seen the bloodbath that was coming. Never would have known what a waste of time being with him was. Because no matter how good it felt, none of that was worth how awful his absence felt.

And no matter how much you wanted it to work out, loving him was just not fair. It was sad really, how often he left and how often you let him back into your life. 

“Why are you leaving again? Please tell me,” you begged. 

"Because I don't want to fucking hurt my girlfriend.” Rafe snapped. "God, half the time I'm with you, I'm scared I could break you, even though I'm doing everything I can to hold back."

You wanted nothing more than to help him. It broke your heart to see him struggling and instead of going to you for help, he would run away. Every time. 

“Rafe, I can handle it. We’re supposed to be in this together,” you responded.

“No, no I can’t hurt you anymore.”

“You’re hurting me right now.” 

That was the last time you two spoke, nearly a month ago. You, too tired to try anymore, and Rafe, too stubborn to come back for one last time. 

He had his issues. He would come over upset sometimes, from a long day of work or dealing with his father. You were always able to calm him down, but you could tell that he felt like a burden. You always assured him he was anything but, that you loved him and you would never get tired of him. 

It never seemed to get through his head, or his heart, the fact that he was loved. You began to believe that maybe love wasn’t enough, that maybe you weren’t enough. 

Being with him started taking a toll on you, and he knew this too. But this didn’t mean that you wanted to break up, you were willing to fix things with him. You always were. 

Even though you weren’t seeing him anymore, you had his best friends send you occasional updates on how he was doing. Topper said that he was, quote, “sad, but getting through it,” which you’re not sure was reassuring or not. 

Still, you were glad to see him back at work and smiling sometimes on the beach. You kept your distance from him, knowing that maybe this was the break he needed to finally get better. If you weren’t going to help him, you just wished someone or something else did. It was a hard truth to swallow, that the love of your life might be better off without you, but you loved him more than the truth. 

One day, his other friend Kelce told you something that stopped you in your tracks. Apparently, Rafe was in therapy. You could hardly believe the words he was saying to you.

“Like, he’s talking to a professional? About his feelings?”

“Apparently, he didn’t say much to me. You know how he is,” Kelce explained.

“What were his exact words?” Maybe his friend had heard wrong.

“Uhhh, ‘Nah, I can’t go, I got therapy.’” 

“That’s it?”

“Yeah, that was it.” 

“Well, how does he seem nowadays? Better?”

Kelce hesitated, knowing that if he said yes, you might feel bad, but if he said no, you would feel even worse. He settled on the truth, “Yeah, honestly he does seem better. Smiling and laughing. Making jokes again. He was so serious a few months ago when you guys broke up for real.” 

The word “break up” was still sensitive to you, but you pushed on. “Good, that’s really good. Thanks, Kelce.” 

Back at home, you wondered about what this meant for you two. If there was even a “you two” to begin with. You both had been on your own for so long now, it almost felt like that backyard pool party had never happened. Almost.

You knew that no matter how hard you tried to forget him, Rafe would always be an important part of your life. You told yourself that you didn’t love him anymore, that you only used to, but that wasn’t true. No matter how hard loving him got, losing him was even worse. You decided that this would be the last time once and for all. 

He answered his door on your third knock. 

“Y/N? What are you doing here?”

“Hi, Rafe. How are you? Can I come in?” you said, trying to sound nonchalant. 

“Uhh, sure. Come in, is there something wrong?” His eyes scanned your face and body for any signs of distress or hurt. 

“No, nothing is wrong,” you smiled at him gently, hoping to change the anxious expression on his face. “Kelce told me you were in therapy.” 

“Oh.” 

“Is that true?”

“Yeah.” He wasn’t offering you anything. “My therapist says that I should take time to be alone right now. To work on myself instead of depending on other people.” 

“I understand,” you said slowly. “I just came over here to check on how you were doing.”

“Look, Y/N, we do this every time. I appreciate you checking on me but this is my problem to fix.”

“You can fix this problem, but that doesn’t mean you have to be alone all the time. You know I’m here for you, right?”

“I know, but that was the issue. I only depended on you. It wasn’t fair to you.”

For the first time, he was admitting it out loud. The fact that there was never a balance in your relationship.

He continued, “You didn’t have anyone to lean on. I knew that and I was being selfish because I couldn’t stand the thought of being alone.” 

“Rafe…” 

“Y/N, can I just ask you one thing?”

“Yes?”

“That you’ll be there for me when I’m better. I’m not telling you not to see anyone else, or even wait for me, just that I’ll at least have a friend when I find myself again. Because I’m worried you’re not going to like who that is, hell, I don't even know who I am underneath everything.” 

You sighed, “Of course. I know you, I know how incredible and kind and sensitive you are. You’re my best friend, at the end of the day. Always.”

With that, he pulled you into his arms and you hugged as if for the first time. 

[sleeplyparks]

Sweet Pastries

Or: it’s slender’s birthday, sally wants to celebrate!

There’s a burning cake in the kitchen — Tim can smell it as soon as he walks in: his first thought is God, Ben is trying to cook again — his second thought is Fuck! Is Sally trying to bake again?

He looks towards Toby — who is no help, who simply just gives him a look one that says: what do you want me to do? Before heading towards his own bedroom.

Must he do every single thing around here? First taking on extra missions because Jeff just doesn’t do them — now preventing the mansion from burning down. He sighs, slipping himself through the kitchen entrance — and yeah, behold him is a sight.

Flour is everywhere, with icing and sugar painted across the counter as if someone wanted to try abstract art. He grimaces at the sight of broken eggs on the floor. And as excepted, right in the middle of a mess is a little girl with a now flour stained pink dress.

“Sally,” he starts, “what are you doing?”

She looks towards him: her stuffed bear was right by a bowl filled with what he assumes to be cake batter. But there was way more bowl than there was batter, and by looking at the mess of the floor — and the batter on her face, he can take a guess of where it went too.

“Trie— tried to bake a cake!” Sally smiles. “Got hungry.”

“And the floor?”

She looks at it, as if just noticing he mess, “It split.”

He sighs— tried, exhausted, and all the other words for sleepy— as he bends down to her height.

“What did I say about using the oven?”

“Mmm not too!” Okay, so she just didn’t listen to him, she already fits right into the mansion.

“Than why?”

She points towards a piece of paper on the counter: on it is a messily drawn balloon, and a overly tall stick man. He frowns. “It’s mister slendy’s birthday! And — my mama used to make me cakes!”

Oh fuck, he one hundred percent forgot about the operators birthday— which, he wondered how on earth it even had a birthday? Wasn’t it some eldritch being?

“That’s sweet, kid. But you should’ve waited for one of us to get here to watch you.”

“Mister death watched me!”

She looks at the bear: and he doesn’t like how the two button eyes stare right through him. “…Right.”

He stretches, moving to grab some paper towels. “Let’s clean up, than we can make a proper cake, ‘Kay?”

She nods enthusiastically.

—

He doesn’t know why he excepted her to help, really. She tried — but she seemed to make more of a mess than actually clean it, he sighs— wiping the counter top one last time for good measure.

“Sal,” he calls — looking towards the little girl who was just behind him. “Can you grab the ingredients? We can try and make the cake now.”

“Okay Masky!” She calls, quickly walking towards the cupboard.

He grimaces, “it’s Tim, kid.”

“But mister slendy calls you Masky.” He does not feel like trying to explain the relationship that him and slender have today, he sighs and nods.

She places the stuff on the counter — he grabs the mixer and they start. It takes a while, a long while, for them to actually try and make the batter— Sally who kept trying to eat it, and with Tim who had to keep slapping her wrist away from the bowl.

God, when did he start to feel so old?

“Is it done yet?” Sally asks for the fifth time, huddled by the oven watching through the glass door.

He huffs. “We just put it in.”

“Can it go faster?” She taps on the glass.

“I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“Why?”

“‘Cause that’s not how ovens are made.”

“Why?”

“…I don’t know, go ask someone who makes ovens.”

“Why?” She asks again — and this time he can hear the giggle that follows with it. He smiles, just a little.

“You’re a little shit.” He points out, looking down towards her.

She beams. “That’s what Jeff calls me!”

“Does he now?” He asks, and makes a mental note to talk to him later.

“He says that I can’t say it though.” She points out again, fiddling with her bear.

He laughs— just a little, “You shouldn’t, it’s not a nice word.”

“But you said it.”

“Rules are different for me.”

“Why?”

“We’re not starting this again.” He deadpans, and she goes back to being quiet.

After mintues go by— the timer finally beeps and he takes it out of the oven, placing it on the counter.

“Grab the icing.” He says, and sally quickly goes to grab it — he gets a knife with the cutlery cabinet, and takes the cake out of the pan.

Sally plops down next the icing next to it. “Can we decorate it now?” She questions, peaking at it — he shakes his head. “Has to cool for a second, you can go choose the sprinkles you want though.”

Thank god for Lulu’s baking obsession, he thinks — otherwise they would have zero baking things.

After a bit Sally picks out some yellow and blue ones, and he gives her a small butter knife. He peels open the icing and hands it to her, “go crazy.”

Which— in the end was a bad idea, he realizes later on. The cake is a mess of icing, sprinkles, and apparently she had got her hands on some of the chocolate from the cupboard as well because that was scattered across it.

It was lumpy, and a mess.

“Do you like it?”

It’s so ugly.

“It’s beautiful, Sal.” She grins right up at him, and he moves the cake to sit on a plate. “Here, let’s go give it to the big man himself, yeah?”

“Yay!” She claps her hands, quickly following after him. “Do you think he’ll like it?”

“He’ll love it, don’t worry.”

—

He knocks at the operators door with his foot — his office looms over the both of them. Sally stands next to him, jumping in place — and a voice crawls through the air.

come in.

No words are said, but they are made to be thought in their minds, Tim hums opening the door with his empty hand— letting Sally skip in first.

“Hi mister slendy!” She speaks, words quick and excited. “We — we made you something! Because it’s your birthday! And— birthdays are supposed to be celebrated.”

She rambled a little, but by the end she points towards Tim who stands in the doorway: cake in hand.

“Hi sir.” He nods towards the operator, making his way forwards and setting it on his desk.

The creature looks at it — it’s long hand coming up to poke at it.

How nice of you, little one.

The thought is meant for Sally— the creature nods at Tim, and in a second Timothy wonders how it’ll even eat the thing.

And than… it just.. poofs. Gone.

“Where’d it go?” Sally questions— confused, and honesty he was as well.

I ate it. It was amazing. Thank you.

Wow, a man of many words the operator was. Despite the utter — oddness Sally just squeals happily, and honestly, this has to be one of the least weird things that has happened in the mansion.

“Happy Birthday, sir.” He says, which Sally happily parrots.

[awholelottayeehaw]

KINKTOBER DAY 5: Fucking Machine -Part 2 (Preview)

I'm so sorry everyone for being late on posting The Middle Part 1, between a doctor's appointment, having to go to the local courthouse to explain YET AGAIN why I can't participate in jury duty as a disabled person on welfare due to a low paying career, and my oven breaking on top of some of my students needing a tutoring session on Saturday, I've been exhausted but I plan on posting The Middle Part 1 by tonight and here's a sneak preview of another fic coming out this upcoming Friday as an apology and to give you something to look forward to!

You had many problems, and delayed responses were definitely a few of them.

You weren’t sure if too much time had passed, but the moment you decided to reciprocate Din’s touches and stares, the man pulled back. He stopped touching you and started to actively avoid any room you were in. It was as if that month of pining never happened, and the sudden isolation left your head and heart empty wondering if maybe you had done something wrong. It was so bad, some days when you came back from work you were genuinely surprised that The Mandalorian and Grogu hadn’t packed their things and left. But regardless, the rejection stung with a touch of humiliation that you’d never admit out loud but held close to your heart.

That isolation is what guided you to punch in the coordinates for the nearest planet with the lie on your lips of having a job there that would require your time for a few hours. You noticed that had made Din’s shoulders slump a little in relief, and that only added salt to the rejection and hurt. But the warrior's touches and stares had also left you horny and your fingers and the vibrator you had on your nightstand just weren't doing the trick. That’s how you found yourself at the only brothel on the planet, taken aback by the fact that it was run by droids with the only prostitutes available being the robotic kind, and embarrassingly staring at the droid before you that had the most realistic pussy you had ever seen on something that hadn’t been assigned female at birth.

After turning down another droid with a similar physique but with a, quite frankly, impressive erection instead of a vagina; the female droid led you to a section of the brothel where a private room was waiting for you. You couldn't help the heat that crept to your cheeks and ears at the sounds of sentient species coupling with droids or whatever they paid to be with as you passed rooms by. You also couldn't help the way it made your pussy pulse with need and grow wetter with each step, or how the clench of your thighs did very little to relieve the feeling growing within your groin.

To be released on Friday, February 17th.

Tag List:

@avatarkanemi @yourcoolauntie (MJ babe I couldn't remember if you wanted to be tagged or not so I'm including you just let me know if you want to be removed)

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

F&B Chapter 2 thoughts:

Completely unserious opening. "King Aegon's 37 year reign was super peaceful if you ignore that it was founded on 2 genocides & setting everything on fire till all your other future subjects give up in fear. You also need to ignore the near 2 decades of war at its start. Those last actual 2 decades though? Practically a utopia!"

Once again: I feel bad for everyone forced to lose because One-gon & his much cooler sisters had dragons. You don't "take advantage of the chaos of Aegon's Conquest" to name yourselves independent if you actually want to be under his rule. They had a whole queen, a named queen, & then here came the literal whole navy & Visenya to threaten the Sistermen into submission. And then we see a queen regnant getting violently deposed by her own men & needlessly brutalized &/or humiliated for her trouble a second time. Marla Sunderland deserved better. Why the fuck did she get her tongue cut out 5 years after the fact, George? And the framing of Steffon Sunderland's sons being fostered with the Manderlys & the Arryns. "He handed them over for his good behavior," they were hostages & probably straight up yoinked. I hope Maester Gyldayn was compensated for his work, because this man was in the trenches trying to make the Targs look good.

The Ironborn have never known how to act, & I love them. Straight up murdering each other for a whole year bc their royal family for the last few centuries got turned into a brick oven pizza in one (1) night. Babes, just reinstate the kingsmoot. Also, I'm willing to believe that Lodos killed himself, but "thousands followed" is so fucking vague. The thousands who drowned with him were definitely killed for the crime of not wanting to live under One-gon/being potential dissidents who would rise up & start this shit over again.

Laughing eternally that everyone keeps clapping when One-gon shows up. "There were so few Ironmen left after a year of killing each other that they didn't resist. Also everyone cheered, they totally wanted to be under Valyrian rule!"

Stan Dorne, we love a Russian Winter Strategy. Also their ousting of Aegon's dudes after he was all "since they aren't here, I won & I'm taking their stuff" is the funniest fucking thing. "The Dornish Lords had a wager to see who could keep people alive longest while torturing them," be for real my dude, I know you pulled that out of your ass just to vilanize them & appease Aerys. This section is peak comedy, & full of icons. We love actually using our brains ❤️

YouExpectMeToFeelSorryForThatBitch.gif (you can decide who this is about, but if you name someone from Dorne you chose wrong)

Hey George, after all those back & forth war crimes bc Rhaenys fucked around & found out I'm gonna need to know tf was in that letter Prince Nymor wrote. You don't need to tell anyone else, just whisper it in my ear & I will take it to the grave. I just want to know what ended all of that, because good Lord. Everyone made the Conqueror Trio's refusal to get off Princess Meria's lawn every person on the respective opposing side's problem. I'm not going to fault Dorne for wanting them out, because context & also no one wanted the Targs around, but dadgum. Both sides were doing the absolute most (also I am not surprised that Aerys was more willing to have beastiality explained to his baby son than why the people of Dorne maybe hated them)

The "Dornish Courage" mockery thing are the words of bitter little haters who are just mad they didn't have the brain power to do what Meria did. Once again: what an icon. Stan Meria Martell.

[spectrechosts]

Vandalize My Heart - Chapter 9

Okay Grace is convinced, she's ready to get turned into a demon now.

Huh? She's not ready? Oh.

Oh.

Full Series

Grace prodded at the mark Lilith had left on her abdomen.

"So, how does this thing work, anyway?"

Lilith looked up from the stack of contracts on her desk and adjusted her glasses. "Well, it's an incredibly complex-"

"Whenever you get horny about ripping my soul apart it just, WHAM, huh?"

"Oh, that part. That is essentially how it works, yes." Lilith said, a smug smile creeping onto her face. "Why do you ask?"

"Mm, I just like to be prepared." Grace said, tracing her finger across the intricate linework. "I think I'm ready now, Lilith."

The effects of her words on the Queen of Lust were immediate.

A blast of unholy heat exploded from her, scattering the papers on her desk and hitting Grace like she had just opened an oven an inch from her face. Her mark flared to life an instant later, shining more intensely than ever before. Grace crumpled into a heap on the sofa, writhing.

"Hhhoh god even when I know it's coming-" She whined, as Lilith stalked across the room toward her.

"You know Grace, I'm so fucking happy you think you're ready." She said, looming over her. Her body shifted as her internal fire roared, becoming larger and more monstrous. Horns, spikes, talons all grew longer and grislier. "There's just one, tiny problem. Do you know what that is, little lamb?"

"U-um, you're, you're being kinda scary right now-" Grace said shakily.

Lilith touched one of those horrific claws to her mark, causing new glowing lines to etch across her skin and stitch together into an expanded crest. She met Grace's gaze with eyes like burning coals and flashed a sharp-toothed grin.

"You're asking me to take your soul, when you should be begging."

Grace's skin flushed, her body went completely rigid, and she forgot how to speak.

"I, uh, I-I-" She stammered, before swallowing hard.

"Mm, don't try now, darling." Lilith husked. "No, no, I've been slacking, your soul should be far more corrupt at this point. Your induction to my realm has been practically chaste." She sighed dramatically, exhaling a plume of purplish black smoke.

"I-Is the mark going to turn off at some point or-"

"Hah!" Lilith barked. "No, darling, of course not. We need to turn you into a proper succubus, don't we? And you're woefully unprepared. The sum total of your sexual experience is squirming pitifully while me or Azaerixia takes the lead."

She scooped Grace up into her arms and carried her out the door.

"Don't get me wrong, it's a gooood fucking look on you, little lamb. But if I just reach in and fuck up your soul right now you'll make a pretty pathetic succubus. Weak magic, tiny little nubby horns, and, no offense, you wouldn't be very good at the job." She explained. "You'd improve over time, but you really want your soul nice and stuffed to the brim with lust before the initial transformation for the best return on your efforts."

They entered one of Lilith's bedrooms, a gaggle of succubi waiting for her. Grace kind of recognized some of them, and she definitely recognized Azaerixia.

"Now, my wonderful girls, they can't touch your soul with my mark on you. So that crest is going to stay nice and shiny, make sure you're eager to please, and you're going to be their new toy. Doesn't that sound fun, little lamb?"

Well, she was being magically teased so intensely she could hardly think, and these succubi were all looking at her like they couldn't wait to help her over that edge, so it did sound fun. And the thought of it making her a better succubus made Lilith's crest tingle in a different, but just as exciting way. She nodded hastily.

"Goooood." Lilith cooed, gently placing her in the bed and turning her attention to the other succubi. "Have fun with her dearests, and don't hold back. You all deserve to feast on her pleasure as I do. Just be sure to teach her some tricks for the job, we don't want your precious new sister to starve out there, do we?"

The succubi murmured their gratitude and excitement, but Grace was focused on her confusion that Lilith was… leaving?

"W-Where are you going?" She asked, and Lilith chuckled.

"My darling little lamb, if I fuck you right now I'm going to tear that pretty little soul out, readiness be damned. No, no, I will wait. Wait until you're ripe, and then devour you, Grace." She gave her a little wave as she lingered in the doorway. "Until then, just think of this as… not seeing eachother before the wedding. Look forward to it, little lamb. I know I will."

Lilith closed the door and sank the room into darkness. Unholy violet flames burned like stars around the room, bathing everything in gentle candlelight.

And among those stars, hungry eyes bored into her.

"I, um, haha-" Grace laughed nervously.

"Relaaaaxxxx, babygirl." Hummed a familiar voice as she was gently taken into Azaerixia's arms. "I've got you, and I'm gonna make sure you have such a good time with us. Okay?"

"Y-Yeah, okay."

Azaerixia kissed her, then released her hug and gently eased Grace onto her back, evaporating her clothes into ribbons of smoke.

"Poor thing, the mark must be driving her crazy." Cooed one of the other succubi, settling in between her legs. "We'll take such good care of you, make your soul so beautiful for Mistress."

Grace's breath caught in her throat as the succubus dipped her long tongue between her folds. The magic was already so good, and now-

Another succubus joined her, the two taking turns swapping off eating her out and kissing the insides of her thighs. They giggled, watching Grace whimper and squirm.

"New girls are always so cute, we haven't even really started yet." Said one.

"She was a nun, you know." Azaerixia said as she stroked Grace's hair. "So cute and innocent."

That got a chorus of interested ooohs from the girls who weren't familiar with her.

"Oh, that must have been so boring! Don't worry cutie, we'll show you a good time." Said the other between her legs.

"Maybe too good for a repressed little choir girl to handle." Said the first.

The two of them got to work on her in earnest, prehensile tongues flowing over eachother as they lavished attention on her dripping cunt. Grace groaned and scrunched her eyes shut, canting her hips involuntarily and covering her mouth. Azaerixia stole her hand away from her mouth and intertwined their fingers.

"Nuh-uh, little lamb!" She chided. "How are we supposed to teach you to use those kissable lips if you do that? Ooh, now that I mention it-" She settled in on top of Grace and kissed her deeply, probing her throat with her long tongue. The demon's breasts squished against hers, and she gagged on her tongue as the two succubi going down on her brought her to her first climax of the night.

"Yummy~"

"You can really taste that she was a nun, mmm."

Grace panted, overwhelmed, as Azaerixia broke the kiss.

"Yep! Veeeerry kissable!" Azaerixia said happily, licking her lips.

"I, um-" Grace stuttered, breathless. "Am I supposed to know how to do that with my tongue?"

"Pfft, no, silly." Azaerixia giggled. "That's a succubus thing, we'll teach you that some other time. It's fun though, right?"

She punctuated her question by winking and making a peace sign as she stuck her tongue out, letting it hang down to her tits.

Grace blushed and nodded meekly.

"Yeah it's cool." She squeaked.

"It is!" Azaerixia said, clapping her hands together. "But enough about that, your soul isn't going to corrupt itself! Drennixi, do you want to come over here and-"

~

"Okay, keep your throat relaxed, and remember: eye contact!" Azaerixia instructed, hanging off Grace's arm and encouraging her as she sucked Helneth's dick. "I know you're nervous but you're doing so good! Listen to how her breath is hitching, figure out what's making her do that and keep doing it."

"G-Gonna cum-!" Helneth panted, as her cock throbbed needily in Grace's mouth.

"Ooh!" Azzy said. "Now, some people are going to want you to jack them off onto your face, but for Helneth you should just keep doing what you're doing. It's a case-by-case thing, you'll be able to tell which they're into when you're a succubus."

Grace kept doing what she was doing, until Helneth grabbed a fistful of her hair and came with a sharp cry. She pressed her lips as far down her shaft as she could and held them there as Lilith's mark pushed her over the edge as a reward for a job well done. She squeezed her legs together and moaned around the succubus's cock, slowly withdrawing as its twitching slowed. One final gooey rope shot onto her tongue as she did so, and Grace opened her mouth to show it off before swallowing. Helneth blushed furiously and covered her face.

"See! You're a natural!" Azaerixia squeed, hugging her.

"I-I mean, I saw you do that like twenty minutes ago-" Grace tried to protest, but Azaerixia could not be stopped.

"Still! You did so good!!!" She said, hugging her even more tightly. "Remember, a good blowjob is 90% confidence, 8% not accidentally biting their dick, and 2% everything else. Now, next we should-"

~

"Now when you're dealing with mortals, you have to make sure there's enough give in the rope that you aren't cutting off their circulation." Brizora explained as Grace tied Azaerixia's hands behind her back. "Azzy likes them tighter, but she's not mortal. Also a freak."

"Guilty!" Azaerixia said gleefully, wagging her tail.

"So you want to keep them about this tight on a mortal, enough that you can stick your finger between their wrist and the rope. But, just for fun, pull it a bit tighter and push her face down into the pillow-"

~

"Now, people will tell you that mortals can't feel what you do to the strap, but they just aren't trying hard enough! Put this on and I'll show you that if you just believe in yourself-"

~

Grace braided Helneth's hair in silence, while Azaerixia braided hers and had her own braided by Drennixi, and so on. She cleared her throat.

"So is this like, a lesson about patience, or mortals needing breaks, or-"

"No, I just thought it would be nice!" Said Azaerixia.

"Oh. Well. Any advice to fill the silence?"

"Sure! So the thing with summoning circles is that it's actually really easy to convince horny people to let you out of them before they've bound you to a pact, but like, running loose up there isn't as fun as it sounds. It smells kinda bad and it's like super loud and sometimes a car hits you-"

"Azzy I've been down here for maybe a month, I remember what the mortal realm is like."

"Oh! Right!" Azaerixia exclaimed. "Ummm, anybody else have advice?"

"If a summoner is being shitty you can sear the flesh from their bones with hellfire and Mistress won't be mad. You don't get to keep the soul though." Brizora said.

"I'll… keep that in mind for when I can do that?"

"Succubi can't impregnate anyone or be impregnated, but you can lie about that if you're fucking someone who's into it or if it would be funny." Said Helneth.

"If it would be funny?" Grace asked.

"Yeah, y'know, like, 'well this was fun, see you in nine months to pick up the antichrist' or whatever."

The other succubi nodded thoughtfully.

"Yeah, classic bit."

"Funny every time."

"…Uh huh. Listen, are we going to go back to fucking soon? Because I still have the whole demon crest thing going and it's making it kinda hard to do good braids. Sorry Helneth."

"Oh it's fine! I can just change how my hair looks with magic, it's whatever." Helneth said.

"Okay, Drennixi you take over braiding Vylona's hair!" Azaerixia ordered, placing her hands on Grace's hips. "Helneth, lie down so I can teach Grace how to properly ride cock."