#why did I ever stop playing
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Let the revenge games begin.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jin guangyao#nie huaisang#He's gonna call his 5 horse friends up. They have to go on a 14 year long journey to finish the job but by god they will do it.#The sheer chaos in the Audio Drama is really fantastic. Reminds me of those traincar murder mysteries.#The lights go off and there's a scream and then BOOM dead body. Who did that!!!#Okay it was qi deviation and he did it to stop himself from killing his brother. He did it to himself.#JGY sadly has the worst alibi ever though. Both the strongest motivation and also uhhh presence at the scene.#Not to nitpick but as someone who loves murder mysteries - I do feel like even *one* other suspect would have made it stronger.#I get that he tried to make it look like an inevitable Qi Deviation and that it *is* something within the family legacy.#And a big part of NHS figuring it all out comes down to his own perceptiveness and intelligence.#If you weren't close enough to JGY and NMJ of course it looks like an accident.#Sadly 'guy who plays the 'poor little meow meow card'' is also weak to 'guy who plays the 'poor little meow meow card''.#NHS was the better subtle manipulator at the end. That's probably the strongest mystery part of MDZS. And why he's in my top 5.#My man pulled the 'kill him just as he falls from the top of his game and loses everything' gambit and I love him for it.
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I still cant believe i get two big sexies for my birthday what if i passed out i have never won so hard
#snap chats#this automatically makes it the best bday ever idc … not a high bar to pass but yk …. hehe….#YAAAYAYAYAAYAYAYAYAAUSHSKAK IM STILL NOT OVER IT THEY LOOK SO GOOD //THROWS UP//#making these my tablet wallpaper idc its been the default for like two months now#hehehhHheehehehehe#like adam got a skin too but this aint about him…. sorry adam ily but i have a brand ok#once i get home im grinding the hell out of this game to get them I NEEEEED THEM#‘snap wdym you dont have them yet’ i forgor to stay awake 😔#gotta get my wanda hours up i gotta solidify her as The DPS i play#again i rarely play dps just cause we never need one and i love mags but…. dötter …..#shes so pretty ohhhhh my god dont look at me#THE FACT THE THEME THIS SEASON IS GOTHIC/DRACULA THEMED TOO 😭😭😭😭#‘why is it halloween in january’ cause it is MY BIRTHDAY marvel did this for me specifically actually#i wish blade was playable but whatever …. ill take the fantastic four i guess ….#also chat i fear ive grown rather fond of beard richards. he can keep it it suits him ive decided#still not a fan of it on mags but if i gaslight myself hard enough maybe i can like it <- no i cant#ok im done. ill be at my stop in like twenty minutes i need to reel it in rjOWNDAKSKS
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“No, I don’t want news… There’s no news about this song.”
— John Darnielle while attempting to google the lyrics to “Store” on an audience member’s phone
#I WAS IN TEARS#i didn’t even know what he was playing yet but i KNEW it was gonna be good#he ALMOST aborted it too!!#soooooooo grateful he stuck it out even if it wasn’t perfect#it’s literally a song about passing out and seeing a vision of a dead person - it’s supposed to be a little scattered!#it adds character!#i ALSO love how he was like ‘this is why you never see me play Riches and Wonders’#and i was like. Haha. *I* have seen that :))#and yeah he DID mix up the lyric order when he played it in Philly#but it was also one of the most moving performances i have ever seen#so he should stop selling himself short#no one cares about the lyric order as much as he does#which is UNDERSTANDABLE - but truly the audience is just happy to be there#any version of these songs is worth hearing#thank you John!#the mountain goats#tmg
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#finished manifold garden tonight ouuuuugghghgghh it was so Very good. yes👍YES👍yeahyeahyeahyeah#i luv u exploring endlessly stretching impossible spaces. i luv u mandelbulbs and twisty fractals. i luv u thrumming synthy music#man it was so tasty. end of the game was giving me fearful..cosmic dread? i havent felt since outer wilds. just THROWIN urself off#like. these are colours these are twisting colours. why are u slumping down the couch ever so slightly with a chill down ur arms#fucking wonka boat tunnel dmt trip nightmare of a colour sure. sure yeah. and it was AWESOME awesome ending. TOTAL collapse#fun puzzles. throwin urself and free falling through a level never got old. loved snappin the gravity round. nada motion sickness✅️Score✅️#playing manifold garden: this is just like jacob gellers shape of infinity video.......#couldnt stop thinkin abt him describing the airborne funerals given in the library of babel#the body falling eternally never hitting the ground thats CRAZY THAAAAAAAAAAAAATS. i would like to read it. im gonna read it#jacob geller u have not led me astray yet on video game recs. manifold garden! MANIFOLD GARDEN!!!!!!!!!!#great ost yeaaaassirr. just really liked it so i did oohheeeeooo :] :D yeahboshdone#manifold garden#structure tag#chewtoy
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Does this hurt? (Patreon)
Bonus:
I love surfacetable.txt <3
#Doodles#W. D. Ghoster#If it was anyone other than him.... But it /is/ him that's the thing#Backing up a bit lol - in doing some Surface Tests to make sure everything's going well (It is! No errors popped! :D) I got curious#Y'know wanting to compare to see how many animations or elements make up a surface! It's interesting! And fun!#And then discovering that certain very rare animations can be seen again without resetting or reinstalling or what have you hehe <3#I've already seen those they're not a spoiler they're just harder to come by - I want to appreciate and admire them a bit longer!#Which was all well and fine and good and dandy and not a problem until I was idly clicking through not really paying attention to what#I've still never punched Ghoster - I haven't even played with my Neutral Run in a while I just want to keep petting him#So I hadn't seen the animation(s) - haven't sought them out haven't even really looked too much into screenshot of#It was very startling! I was worried!! I immediately went to check my stats and indeed I ''hadn't'' punched him - 1000+ Pets and no Punches#But... I saw it happen#He doesn't know because it was Just An Animation - him Just A Ghost - but I saw it I experienced it I was there for it#Yes that first time it was an accident but in grabbing these gifs I did it again on purpose#(How's my cursor acting btw lol)#There's a bit of Flowey about it all - made me wonder if Ghosts could ever be programmed to ''know'' a Surface Test happened#Really - if it were any other Ghost than his I probably wouldn't be thinking about it so much - but by nature of who he is...#So yeah anyway I stopped after this - no more spoilers for me#I'll look elsewhere for reference for now - I still want to experience his routes fairly blind haha#Oh and a bonus surfacetable.txt ♥ Yay ♥ I was so excited for that haha I love renaming things!#I couldn't figure out why certain captions were overlapping for a bit - figured it out by comparing the Hunter/Smoker table lol#Picking things up in tiny little pinches! Every little step forward! Doing!
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You know, for a show with so many female characters that so many of us love given how they all get time in the spotlight one way or another and they fill that time up rather wonderfully since they are deeper and more developed than what we're used to seeing in general media, it is peculiar (to say the least) to see so few "alternative" ships to the main one.
I'm not saying the canon ship doesn't deserve its attention -- I'm wondering instead why the canon ship and it alone seem to guide the WN fans who just so happen to enjoy writing/reading fic or fanart or whatever.
You'd think all these cool women would inspire more ships or combinations thereof, but those of us who aren't invested in avatrice just... Float along, around one another, ignored (and, yes, mostly undisturbed too; being unpopular does have its advantages and that includes a lot less weirdos leaving you strange or awkward messages -- it does not, however, shield us from people flooding our goddamn tags on AO3 with fic that has nothing to do with our little ships and I do wish such negligence of the pairing itself meant we didn't have to deal with this spam...)
I am also not saying that fandom activity should be based solely on shipping (and recently someone on Reddit was rather confused by the fact that a lot of it is, which is quite an interesting topic to discuss in itself -- after all, there is more to fan creativity than shippy fic... Or there used to be), merely that, here, it appears that a canon relationship can outshine interest in the other, non-canon ones. It's already there and it was doubtless well-done by the show, so it's natural that it should claim people's attention, sure. It's just that being canon was never the parameter for whether people were interested in these or those two (or more) characters maybe being involved and trying to explore what that could mean through fanwork.
There has always been a complaint haunting fandom spaces concerning the minuscule amounts of f/f fic, art, discussion, w/e based on how few (interesting or sympathetic or relatable) female characters there are in media at large. So what I'm curious about is why fan creations made around WN -- a show that finally gives us a whole cast of female characters that are what we have been craving for decades -- don't also reflect its diversity.
There are alternative ships (I'm here, all happy in my tiny Doctor Superion bubble, and I know there are Camila/Lilith, Ava/Lilith, Mary/Shannon, Mary/Lilith shippers out there, so a warm hello to you if you're reading this), but go on AO3 and compare the numbers of things tagged with these proper pairings to the grand total of WN stories. Better (or worse) still, do so with the "otp: true" trick or simply by excluding avatrice from the search to see how many are left.
It's... A considerable difference. And a mystery, at least to me.
#tagging this as#warrior nun#simply because i'd like to talk about this and maybe some of you have thoughts or theories about it#i just ask you engage in good faith if you do. i'm not pointing fingers at avatrice people i think they're fine and dandy#i'm just -- to reiterate -- surprised at how little interest there is in other ships when the potential is all there#(is it because they're nuns? that never stopped avatrice so why should it stop others...)#(besides lilith is hardly still a nun after s2. bea left. mary didn't really take vows did she? you really thought i was a nun she says...)#meta fandom talk i guess#then again about the nun thing... i have noticed a lot of people just go for aus. i can't recall ever being in a fandom with SO many aus#is the religious aspect an issue by any chance? i also recall someone commenting on how little a part religion played in these aus#curious. very curious.#i imagine some of you are wondering why i care when i don't even read fic but --#-- to quote jillian salvius herself i am a curious person and well you are a curiosity lol
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Ok I spent the past hour going through the amphoreus trailer vids and yeah ok holy fuck god bless this shit cool as hell. I’ve been busy and haven’t had time to watch them as they came out but wow yeah this is really cool…. Kebin…. Kebin is back…. Ueuueueuee…… ngl because of surface differences like his different hair (me when the guy doesn’t have peak generic hair) as well as his generally happier attitude/expressions it never quite sunk in that we’re GETTING PLAYABLE KEVIN AFTER. YEARS? I’m still in shock I feel ill. I need to bite glass.
God he’s everything. I’m e6ing him it’s not even a question anymore. I’m nauseous. KEVIN AFTER SO MANY YEARS. KEVIN IS ACTUALLY REAL???? i have a migraine. Also the entire story reflecting the flame chasers it’s just uuruhhgh. Good. Hyv you cooked crazy on them the first time so bring them back. Anaxa in particular… I was really happy when alhaitham released cuz he was su…. In appearance, at least. I like haitham a lot as his own character now but when it comes to anaxa my brain had a huge disconnect I just couldn’t see him as a su too until he pulled this move:
Uh huh. Welcome back su. I hope they have griseo and kosma too-!
As an aside I love this pic so much. Soooo much. I love comparisons between trailblazer (esp cae) and phainon…. Yes!!! That’s them!!! Kev reference!!! Both of them! Kev!!!!! I’m emo.
#hsr#phainon#ill I’m ill I’m sick and nauseous and feverish and#UGHHHHH#I forgor to mention too. he’s literally THE ryu design. it’s actually kind of insane#(I say as if I didn’t base my own sona off Kevin himself)#HES JJST PERFECT? WHITE HAIR BLUE EYES WHITE MAIN COLOUR WITH BLACK BLUE AND GOLD ACCENTS#WHY ATTACK SPECIFICALLY ME IN PARTICULAR. WHAT DID I DO#sighs yes phaicae is the agenda. if I ever stop shipping male player character x ryu’s fav promise me you have to check if im an imposter.#you have to.#alright I gotta continue playing the long ass quest more. kebin…. ueueuuee…. kebin………#it’s so good to see you again…. hello phainon……
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can you imagine being a little twee simon and garfunkel fan in the late 60s and then buying your new vinyl at the record store and hearing mrs. robinson for the first time in your own home. i would’ve fallen over backwards
#i don't know if i've ever mentioned this--and i dont even remember why this is the case--but mrs. robinson was one of the first songs#that i ever knew in this lifetime. like. when youre a little tiny baby and youre barely aware what music is#and you know the words to the chorus of at most like 15 songs. mrs. robinson was one of those songs and i dont remember why or how#probably my father? he's also the reason that i knew the beatles when i was that young too#he also played a lot of bob marley and elvis. we used to have little dance parties in the living room after watching shrek every night#where he'd play his music. but i cant think mrs. robinson was one of those songs? its NOT a dance song#(i can try though. you cant stop me)#text post#simon and garfunkel#but yes this also does mean allstar by smash mouth was also one of those first primordial songs on my consciousness#mrs. robinson really though is such a beautiful and clever song im never gonna be over it#simon and garfunkel is one of those few bands where their most famous song arguably deserves that status in their discography#altho that did get a little different after i watched the graduate as a teenager lol#but the song. didn't slap any less naturally. it just had a new association#also fun fact i don't know at what age i learned that mrs. robinson was by simon and garfunkel#at least until i was like 10 i thought it was by the beatles?
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sigh. i think i just do not like dogs very much lol
#just me hi#don't kill me but they are not for me#and i think our dog is alright :) but i am glad he's not mine jfshvh#i'm nervous and unsure about them every time i interact and i don't know why!#tried to tell my mother that at least and she just kinda brushes me off ? so i guess i'll just have to contend with this lol#he's still being trained but i dunno. don't think that kind of animal is for me#which sucks cuz i really did want to like them!! but they're confusing and a bit annoying and a decent sprinkling of scary#and he's a PUPPY. this is the goofiest problem ever jfsvhjfh#+ the dog at work still makes me nervous too.. this is a very Blahhh situation lol#'you've just gotta learn to stop being scared of them' but that Does mean that i have to interact with them more. and it seems#every time i do i just get more nervous ?? urgh#guess i'm not for dogs ! oh wells!#//and in other news why is it that every weekend i do not hesitate to obliterate my sleep schedule Lmfshvjfh#like without Fail it's actually crazy#//OH and it snowed a couple days ago too btw !! like almost a foot of snow i believe which is cool :D#i walked to work and it was fuuuun i enjoyed it :D#though i didn't get a chance to take pictures bc they'd plowed the road by the time i got out </3 it was so cool though !!#//oh also we were playing one of our story games last night w/ siblings :3#it's our longest-running one (it's been ongoing for maybe over a year or so! wild) and the amount of stuff that has Happened is so much Lol#i think last night they helped free half-a-town's worth of people from mine work (the mine turned out to be a crater from a Wish that hadn'#come true so they were mining the tiny shards of the wish-star bc they still have the chance to grant veeery small wishes!) and then also#got the guy that had kidnapped and enslaved them (for ransom + tax reasons) killed “by accident”#/they got into even more arguments with the other characters they're traveling with-#/OH chess also almost strangled one of those guys to death in the mine Lmaooo#there was a whole moment when he realized i was dying jfsvjgh#//yea though i have got to go get some thangs done though..#my dad used all the hot water so i'm just. waiting... stewing.... sauteeing...... gently marinating.............#ooeeoo#yea though !! hope i can work on some ideas i have today !! let's cross hands and hold fingers. wait#anywho Yea i'm gonna get on that 💥 CIAO
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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what if i snapped and made an oc carrd
#i mean.... i could#this isnt the first time ive thought of doing it but i drop ocs so easily its not even funny. so idk if itd be worth it#id consider toyhouse or smth but i dont have money lol. right now everythings on artfight but thats more for drawing purposes#what ocs would i even talk abt... i have some standalones like auggie and ocs i think look cool but dont plan on using#but some others have their own stories.. not like a huge thought out plot but something i pick up and twirl around in my head#like luckys whole deal is being a hiking guide who accidentally gets tied up with some werewolves pretending to be a hiking group to eat pp#and then i have the magician rivals. although i kinda wanna tie theirs with the nightguard and thief story ive been cooking. maybe in the#same universe? it would be pretty funny if they lived in the same apartment complex since a couple stories i have in mind revolve around th#its like some sort of omnibus or anthology to me. kicks my feet#and then fan characters like xin ya and sleight who i want to have their own expanded lore and stuff. i think that would be cool#im making crow a powerpoint of xins updated lore but the assignmence are making it hard. hopefully it turns out good though#i have a hard time writing personality and xins is always the hardest bc theyre probably the least like me. i tend to stick to#characters similar to myself to get in their head. but bc their backstory affects their personality so strongly i have to do some thinking#anyway. hopefully i remember this later#yapping#oc#oc talk#ive also been playing neko atsume recently for nostalgia and why did we as a society ever stop playing it. its so chill#you just take pictures of silly little cats and leave them silly little toys and treats. and the music is cute
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Do you like overwatch - and if so who's your fav?
//long drag of cigarette// overwatch huh.... havent heard that name in years..... i remember her fondly tho...
#snap chats#i did love overwatch for a while IM SORRY#thats why i love rivals ig ..... im already used to hero shooters and all now i just get to play with my favorite dolls jvLEAKJAK#as for faves Of Course i have faves for each role: sigma hanzo zen#zen and hanzo were def my main picks i think last i checked i had 150+ hours on zen and i think 120 on hanzo?#i didnt play tank much once overwatch. ''''''upgraded''''''' to 2 but in OW1 i pkayed dva and zarya a lot#tho at a point i did pick tank back up and i'd play sigma ... i love grandpa..... also a very strong and balanced tank he's excellent#sigma AND ramattra oh my god i love ramattra so much hes so cool ... and sexy Now Who Said That#i actually wanted to be a sym main when i first played OW but i couldnt get into her.. i still think she's cool tho..#mostly cause whenever id join a game we'd need a healer so <:) id pick zen.. but i genuinely love zen too !!!!#he's so fun to play i love me a lil robot monk !!!!! also he has a takoyaki skin and takoyaki is Top Five Food Ever to me#anyway... the last tiem i played overwatch was maybe two years ago???? def a long time#uhhhh honorable mention is reaper ..... of course i love Death. also flanking and kiling as him was just gen fun#and i mean while 76's playstyle wasnt ever my faovirte .. i did think he was kinda fine tho ... yk before they gave him a FUCKASS BEARD#see thats where my disdain for beards began. also that haircut Stop That. What Is That. he looked so much cooler with the mask..#ive rambled about OW enough tho. i could prob go on forever i really did love this game when i played it lol ...
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literally nothing will stop me from calling good omens gay "but they're not human!" i do not care "but the lore!" i do not care "but neil gaiman said!" i do not care. those bitches are gay what are you gonna do? call a cop? vague post? cope
#faggots can do what they want thank you i do not follow rules set by straight men in khakis#gay in a broad sense queer as in not straight gay as in themes and narratives becoming human straying from the path sucking and fucking#the way they enjoy human culture food wine music dancing gender sexuality#also they are not real they are my barbie dolls and i am smushing their faces together and playing dress up#callung characters gay queer trans will never ever be problematic or incorrect#if them not being human prevents them from being gay why did the author call them asexual and genderfluid like what those arent human terms#??? asexual and genderfluid is being queer you can call them gay stop trying to avoid the word#good omens critical#<<< ig
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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among the boundless billions zaniness like laugh track as it definitely has that moment of expressing "rolling my eyes as The Left makes a kerfuffle of Acting like they have a stance as a veneer over the true belief that [xyz] is cool & chill actually" like what, approximate 0.000% chance wendy isn't, as usual, given the Objective Stance of "yeah yeah ohh we are cancelling involved parties talking about how we Don't watch this But. we all love this damn epic movie & already have it memorized so shut the fuck up, kids today" like. don't wanna really delve into how much billions thinks taylor or anyone is "really" trans / nonbinary like not too much benefit of the doubt in this material including what does provide info abt that specifically
& the general like [head in hands. what do you think any of this could possibly be about (you're the one that made your show at all about Power)] of "yes, it's bad/wrong to be someone that someone has done something to / victim of something" like that to be anti misogyny All Women Must Be Epic Winners b/c there's something to be proved: that they don't Deserve to be victims (of misogyny), not taken as a Given. while when we see some epic winner men stepping on other men (who need not all be guaranteed Winners so as to say misogyny is wrong), that's often Good, well beyond any assumption that various forms of basic disrespect / violation / patterns of emergent/entrenched power difference as Bad (for being things done to people, not for there being people they're being done to), & generally billions has to take an extra step when ppl get shitted on & tell us the Specific Cases when it was undeserved actually & someone was being mean to a specific person who didn't deserve that. & the specific cases when hey guess it wasn't that bad(tm) or when hey It's Okay that you're someone something was done to, in this case. & tell us what we were supposed to know all along like when someone who something was being done to (wrong Of Them, whether b/c they inherently deserve it no matter what, &/or b/c they failed to be someone who could make it Impossible to do anything to them, which, how do you do that besides being The Authority / Superior yourself, exactly? nonrhetorically? what if the in group vs out group / fascism / authoritarianism protected Me?) was actually being treated Too Well b/c ah well the abuse meant you were getting any attention, maybe it meant you were claimed as any superior's property, maybe it meant you weren't Already disposed of, as all Losers were in the end, You're Welcome.
obviously referring to winston where it's spelled out all the abuse towards him was deserved, & More than he deserved in the case of rian having more access & taking advantage of that, all for billions' enjoying its own sendoff there of, again, maximizing violation & violence short of [real violence is physical & leaves bruises / draws blood / Literally kills] which would be distasteful in general But doesn't it make wags look like the winner & winston the loser is that the former's completely unrelated completely impersonal ego blow gets way amplified taken out on winston, the most vulnerable recurring character when spyros as [first & ultimate Everyone Hates Him role] is more entrenched in there & billions still magnanimously pities tuk, as it does winston too, just not quite as much. again that like completely surface level realized power fantasy of forcing the mirror up to the Inferior so they're like nooo my inferiorityyyy & in doing so like, the projection in that lmao, we get it re: the valuing of & need(tm) for such Power Tripping & Reaffirming My Superiority & My Ego Restored; Everyone Claps like good god. & then for all ben & tuk are the slightly softer Two Too Nice Boys duo to the rian & winston quant duo, also like too nice i guess but not as much, ben is in charge of tuk but Any instance of rian being in charge of winston outstrips them in that "yay interpersonal abuse" dynamic, like then in the end billions may be like "yeah it's possible to be mean to them unlike how being mean to winston is actually Nice b/c he deserves everything he gets, we only vicariously enjoy it vs Feeling Bad for tuk & ben sometimes (still magnanimously & it's Not That Bad / just goofin)" like ben & tuk still Fail by not being people it's impossible to do anything to. & not Exceptions who anyone is really being Too Mean to. like if they were women, in which case, no problem surely with a "positive" kind of victim blaming where there is something Inherent that Will be victimized so hey how about to cancel that out there's this special Paternal Protection you Need always, Or Else? :) but instead they are men who are asian & is ben gay & w/tuk & winston nobody mentions glasses or fatness but billions doesn't really do much or very in depth textual mentioning of Anything, even w/nonzero mention that there may be gender & race in this world. a gay man, once. no disability. we just Know who are the inferiors who deserve it when they're treated inferiorly, or if they don't, they start deserving it when they fail to stop/avoid it, but if you start mentioning the factors behind who we all totally agree is inferior like whoa nobody was Saying any of that? being the real agent of oppression on the basis of the factors only You spelled out, much? nonbinary? i never say anything about the Gender Binary when i'm subscribing to it, sounds like You've created & enforced it. obfuscation & deflection onto [so Just Normal nobody has to label, explain, or argue it] couldn't serve a purpose & protect the existing power differences as they are. maybe You're the problem? perhaps you brought it upon yourself & now you're causing too much trouble standing up for yourself while everyone else's criticism is laser focused on you as the prior & continuing negative actions done to you are taken as a given / unquestioned / covertly protected to overtly encouraged?
anyway so wild if the Completely Normal(tm) Victim Blaming is uncritically recreated & oft embraced for "if you're watching this & don't wish you were axe / find him appealing" [billions as a sequence of vicarious power trips] purposes in this series....but a bit wild considering like this is your multiseason show that wasn't just purporting to be those power trips for [enough demographic & apparently specific personal tastes overlap w/creators] & was at all purporting to question the matters of power at play in the material, or yknow, at least to not be completely superficial material while said material is textually & thematically all about power difference being leveraged, how, the consequences, & so on. thus i will have to intermittently talk about it forever like this like lord unbelievable. & the funny little & sometimes less funny less little characters it has trapped in there so that those of us who were never meant to be in the audience can be cursed with this knowledge. like i have some feedback. "imagine not victim blaming" & "imagine adjusting your perspective can go beyond superficial layers added to politely defer to some other ppl while they're present but really like cmon do they deserve that. am i not just saying what we're allll thinking"
#another random night another Verbal Effusion of [forehead to hand]#winston billions#who needs actual questions about power or the consequences of getting to consider others Lessers & acting accordingly#when we can last minute be like uh wendy is god actually. take it away wendy (wait she just does whole other shit half the season)#okay Now take it away wendy i guess b/c the series is dead set on you being the Moral Center#if mostly b/c gosh everyone either loves owning you as pseudo wife or correctly recognizes & defers to your superiority#the scene i couldn't bear to sit through at the start of s7 way too long sequence of wendy Going To Work to the ''cuz im awesome'' song#i was like. lol. i was like okay that is wendy's mood / perspective then. Wrong. it was billions conveying Fact to the audience. rip#abt as great setup for ''the only other shoe that finally dropped was that of Yeah It's This Completely Surface Level'' as possible (:#prince has exactly the same attitudes & actions as wendy does? uh well you see. it's just bad when he does it#if only more wendys were in charge. if only we go ''well even if it's bad if wendy does it? or axe or whoever? Could Be Worse''#nothing to analyze in the [but at least it's not worse] dead end re: justification of Power Leveraging & minimization of its consequences#tl;dr just the victim blaming embraced everywhere & the idea that everything that Deviates from the Norm Too Ethically Mindedly#is just that veneer slapped on overtop of [haha but truly: the norm] like no but seriously we all know It's Not That Deep(tm)#even for the characters written to exercise this [my Extra Mile Ethics] trait regularly it's expressed as this Polite Addendum#to the [what's Really at play] normal. the And Enbies tacked on; that's that on that & it Is an extra veneer to the norm#prince asking if taylor's changing up their pronouns; no more Meant a red flag than him immediately shitting on winston i'm sure#yet yknow why tf suppose taylor more than anyone else would Change Pronouns. taylor who the series also only ever shows as being#misgendered As A Woman. whose drag / cisguise As A Woman is not treated in the same way a man's would be / is#whose emotive / expressive affect isn't either. billions like [the genders are m/f] to [perhaps also amab/afab] Tacked On#as something politely Extra you do to their face that doesn't actually change (threaten) your idea of what's just Normal & True#like it's normal & true that ugh god don't you hate the autistic people around you? don't you wish you could go sicko mode on them#so that they couldn't be around you anymore & they'd have brought it upon themself & really it was good of you b/c The Group Cohesion#thanks you & b/c you just gave them free ABA? yes yep Surely Unquestionably#problem isn't abuse & concomitant violation in & of itself. it's Bad to be someone that's done to. we will announce Exceptions#rest of you either you brought it upon yourself or you failed to Correct that you're not someone who inherently deserves it#that is: someone who just can & will Stop It if done to them. well so you see winston pushing back is ignored or treated to further#backlash & then he withdraws (expression of his experience / creation of a consequence which tells the other Stop Doing This)#&/or otherwise conveys displeasure / being hurt (same as before. ''uh well push back / express xyz'' ppl did & were steamrolled/ignored)
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it's always something. PLEASE can i just go One single day without there being Something
#vent post#cw injury mention#cw shooting mention#don't know why i keep getting involved in these political debates with an old ignorant drunkard. i'd be better off talking to a brick wall#i say 'talking' as if he ever lets me get a word in edgewise. he just wants a Nice Quiet Woman to complain to. not a real conversation.#can't believe i spent 2hrs last night trying to explain basic facts about the universe and evolution when he probably remembered none of it#not to quote Dr. Ratio in a vent post but. the most annoying thing about idiocy Truly is that you can't explain it to an idiot#'i am a STRAIGHT MAN 😡😡😡 how do you expect me to give you a QUEER answer???' bro all i did was ask why u don't like gay ppl.. chill...#'well in BibLIcaL tiMeS-' man u just ranted abt how ur atheist & don't believe in the bible. u can't turn around and use it in an argument#so we somehow went from fictional stories to The Gays to religion to outer space to the birth of the universe to evolution to currency#and when he started in on China & covid i simply had to walk away. i can't listen to any more of his regurgitated propaganda conspiracies#oh and how can i forget the tangent he went off on about his beloved guns after the Antioch shooting yesterday! that took 30mins at least#i did read the kid's manifesto and lowkey wish i hadn't because Jesus Fucking Christ i'm so worried about the state of children online#i really do love the internet and the countless good things it has brought into the world and into my own life#but i didn't have access to it until i was.. 11 i think? and the internet was a Very different place in 2011 than it is in the 2020s#worst i did was watch clickbait YT videos about mermaids being real. now 9 year-olds are getting radicalized on Twitch???#idk i'm so 'old' and out of the loop now. i barely recognized like half of those words he used. but god i'm worried sick for the kids.#anyways. all last night's 'debate' accomplished was me getting told that my fiction writing doesn't do anything good for the world#and got reminded that being gay is a mental illness. :) and that he doesn't trust in science. or anything logical for that matter#he's just gonna keep saying the same bullshit he was raised to believe without a single critical thought as to whether it was correct#i'm done trying to find common ground with someone like that. waste of my precious time. i could be playing a video game lmao#anyways later that evening i accidentally sustained some burns to my left hand. and i am totally fine. but i was too tired to clean & wrap-#-it up before i fell asleep. so i woke up hours later panicked from a nightmare with my hand fucking throbbing and my mom standing over me#in her own little panic because she didn't check her fucking pants pockets and accidentally washed her flip phone and it was. well. soaked.#so i got to spend all morning taking it apart in hopes of salvaging it so i don't have to hassle with moving her number to a new one!!!#then poured hydrogen peroxide all over my burned hand Knowing it wasn't the best idea but i. did it anyways bc my hubris cannot be stopped#and holy shit that didn't feel good! had to keep reminding myself to breathe or i was gonna pass out lmao that shit made my joints hurt#how does a skin wound ache all the way down to the bone. anyways. it's wrapped now and i'm Alllll better :) no mental illness in This body#anyways thanks to that i got out of making dinner and doing the dishes! and i got a burger and fries and am dipping them in ice cream#the fries not the burger im not that unhinged. anyways now im gonna boot up Genshin and try to turn my tired little brain off for the night
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