#if them not being human prevents them from being gay why did the author call them asexual and genderfluid like what those arent human terms

[usercelestial]

literally nothing will stop me from calling good omens gay "but they're not human!" i do not care "but the lore!" i do not care "but neil gaiman said!" i do not care. those bitches are gay what are you gonna do? call a cop? vague post? cope

[monstermoviedean]

i think there is a point where while the framing of dean and cas's relationship is frustrating, it's more indicative of like. the writers failing to understand dean and cas's relationship or a result of not hiring misha as a third lead for the show, so castiel comes off as extremely flaky and continues repeating his mistakes even when he says he'll do better.

basically we should all hope robbie thompson or steve yockey is the showrunner for a potential revival bc they seem to understand dean really well.

like while i Understand that these actions are consistent for castiel it also mostly feels like writers struggling to actually let him grow rather than entirely his fault?

like i've seen deancrit casgirls look at dean kicking out cas in the bunker and basically go "that's completely bullshit and out of character, i'm not gonna incorporate it into my understanding of dean as a character because that's very obviously the hand of the author preventing dean and cas from interacting while cas is a human, because it would be gay"

i kind of think that cas should be extended that same kind of grace in being like. the writers don't seem to see this as an issue and as a result even though it is one, it's hard to see a character grow when most writers dont seem to recognize it as a problem.

like steve yockey identifies it as an issue in lily sunder, when dean is mad/worried about cas the entire episode for making a call on his own (killing billie) but is still defending him from ishim. but berens doesn't seem to see it as a repeated problem in 15x09, so it's not brought up except as a snide comment from dean.

that being said i think castiel thinks of himself as disposable, so him using his love and devotion as a weapon to save dean is wonderful for him but ultimately devastating for dean, who has never viewed cas as replaceable.

like cas firmly believes that his emotions don't matter, that his feelings don't matter (his own insecurities and upbringing), so dean saying "no you do matter, of course you matter" is wonderful! but unfortunately he made the deal with the empty, and he probably realizes how bad he fucked up making that deal (it's claire and jimmy again, it's john and dean again, making a deal to save your child that dooms the people around you to grieve your loss)

it's just very very tragic, and sad. i wish supernatural was good.

sorry for rambling lmao.

it's a yes/and for me. yes, cas has to be off-screen a lot because of budgetary reasons, and the writers could have addressed that in different ways that made it seem less like cas being flaky. as for repeating his mistakes and not being able to grow, i think that's a separate issue, but a writer issue as well. there are ways to address cas repeating mistakes that don't blame dean for those mistakes.

i try to reserve my judgment of something as ooc to a few extreme situations. that's just my personal preference. i can think of a handful of actions across the show that are best-explained by ooc writing. dean telling cas he can't stay in 09x03 is not one of those. i don't like it, obviously, but i can see why dean did that and why it makes sense in his context.

i get what you're saying about extending grace to cas, and yes, writer actions are always at play here, but i try to view and interpret situations based on what is happening in the show itself. again, personal preference, and i don't always stick to that. but for me, if i only looked at everything through the lens of "writers made them do it," that wouldn't be very fun for me because yeah, writers made them do all of it and it's a work of fiction.

but extending grace to cas - i always try to extend grace to everyone. i really do. sometimes i fail! i get frustrated that i often see others extending grace to cas and intentionally withholding it from others who they don't think deserve it. it's a double standard i find aggravating.

[mask131]

Fantasy authors I WILL NOT buy: Orson Scott Card

Or of the full title of this series: Fantasy authors I WILL NOT buy - I will maybe read them at my local library, because this is what libraries are for, allowing us to read books we don't want at home or authors we do not want to support, but I won't take any copy from a bookshop (unless it is one of those third-hand thrift bookshops)

I know that Orson Scott Card is one of these "great authors" that was heavily praised and talked about until very recently. He notably left a deep mark in science-fiction, but I heard about him due to the presence of his works among some of the "classics" of fantasy. Given he received numerous awards for it, keeps appearing in reference lists and everybody talks about his works, I'll probably take a look at it one day to understand what the fuss is about - and being a bad person doesn't prevent one from being a good writer, so maybe I will end up praising his books even though I dislike the man! But I will certainly never spend my money on his books, at least in any way that would be significant (aka - not from first-hand bookshops).

For one of two reasons.

He is an unapologetic and assumed, public homophobe. This is no secret and this is why Card has come under controversy these recent years. He is officially agains gay marriage and the legalization of gay unions, and he supports anti-gay couple laws. He refuses and condemns the criminalization of the homosexual acts and of homosexuality itself (thanks the gods!), but he considers that if a government streats treating homosexual couples the same way heterosexual couples are treated, "the heterosexual will rebel against the government and destroy it to preserve the sanctity of marriage". He doesn't support the systematic use of anti-homosexuality laws - but he does advise people to use it sparingly, but to send a "strong message" to homosexuals to make them understand they're somehow "violating" society. And of course, he puts in doubt the idea that homosexuality is something we are born with - he is one of these believers of "environment causes homosexuality - especially abuse". I think this is clear enough why I won't support the guy.

This is not as bad as the reason above, but the second reason explains why he is such a proud homophobe - he is a fervent, devout and proud Mormon. Even was a Mormon missionary in his younger years. And I do not like Mormons. For a long time I didn't have any interest or care for Mormons, and I thought of it basically as much as I think about any other little religion current like that... But then I discovered the whole "baptism of the dead " things. How Mormons literaly take over archives just so they can baptize people without they knowing, against their will, so that they would join the Mormon Church that they want it or not - how they go as far as to baptize dead people. There was a whole scandal at one point when they tried (did they succeed?) to baptize Anne Frank to make her a Mormon post-mortem. I will not back down from this: this is a vile practice, that gives so-called "religious" people the power to somehow ignore and erase a lifetime of personal choices and personal fights in the name of a "greater good" that clearlyexists only in their mind - it is an insidious form of religious tyrany and intolerance that literaly resurrects in its foulest form the "Christian savior" mindset that Catholics and protestants enforced onto the world for so many years, perverting their own rite of baptism by removing one of the key elements of humanity by their own definition, "free will". People fought for their religion, people died for their religion, people battled for their religion - and that you accept it or not, no matter what they picked, it is their religion. When they're dead, deciding the religion they chose or dedicated themselves to or sacrificed themselves for is not the one they should be remembered as a part of is not just dishonoring the dead - it is insulting them, pissing on their grave, showing in bright light how completely cut off from human decency and morals you are, or to be more precise how religiously fanatical you are. Anne Frank, come on!

I have to admit I do not know if Card personally supports the "baptism of the dead" thing, but given he has shown support for all parts of the Mormon practices and hasn't criticized it, I guess he also stands for this miserable practice - which is the main reason why I do not like Mormons as a religious organization.

[alexbkrieger13]

"It's sad to see how few players have raised their voices against the World Cup," says Magda Eriksson. International with the Swedish national team and one of Chelsea's biggest stars. Eriksson tries to recall co-workers who have been openly critical of the World Cup in Qatar. "In Germany, good enough. Norway went out to play a qualifying match with a shirt that claimed to respect human rights, but they haven't qualified for the World Cup. I'm proud of Sweden because the pressure from the fans and the clubs he managed to prevent the men's team from going on a training stay in Qatar," he recalls. "In England I have seen some players who admit they are not comfortable with the World Cup, but with a small mouth. Gareth Southgate, the selector, he said he thought it was bad how people are treated in Qatar but then let it slip that the workers who have been exploited in the stadiums want the World Cup to take place," she adds. "I, as a homosexual woman, do not feel welcome in Qatar. Why should I go there? If this is the most global sport, the World Cup should be held in a place where everyone is welcome," she adds. "We already know that it is a men's World Cup and that, therefore, it is up to women to be protagonists when play our World Cup. But it is no longer a question of waiting for a woman to be the director of the tournament or run the media. It's about hoping that the tournament is held in a place where the woman isn't sent to prison for adultery or doesn't need her father's permission to do everything." Eriksson has read a lot on the subject in recent months. "I was critical of the tournament right from the start, but I wanted to get to know the differences between the countries. To see that there are countries where, of course, things are even worse. But we have expert reports that show that women in Qatar are asked for their father's permission to get married, to go study abroad, to get jobs... If a divorce occurs, the children will always go with the father, obviously. Very few women have been able to reach public positions. There is a culture of masculinity from time to time, which reduces the role of women in the World Cup to the singers who will perform at the opening," she complains. The most prominent name of a woman in the World Cup is surely that of the British architect born in Baghdad Zaha Hadid,

"I expected more from the players. I'm disappointed with the Swedish players. I didn't expect them all to step forward, but a little more criticism, yes. Maybe it's because we women footballers are more critical, since always they ask us questions about our rights and we've learned to be brave when we speak up," she says. The Australian men's national team did issue a statement calling on Qatar to improve human rights. German player Joshua Kimmich said: "I don't like playing in a country where you can be sent to prison for being gay, where women don't have the same rights. It's a shame." Kimmich, however, will go to play the tournament to defend a German team that has been one of the few that has openly positioned itself against a World Cup in Qatar.

"I don't like playing in a country where you can be sent to prison for being gay, where women don't have the same rights. It's a shame"

JOSHUA KIMMICH-Player from Germany

According to Qatari laws, women must obtain the permission of their husbands or fathers to marry, regardless of age or previous marital status, as polygamy exists. Qatari law allows men to marry up to four wives, without requiring the permission of any of them. Once a woman is married, she will be considered "disobedient" if she does not obtain her husband's permission before working or traveling abroad. She is also considered disobedient by law if she refuses to have sex without a medical certificate, for example. Also, women cannot be primary guardians of their sons or daughters at any time. They have no authority to make independent decisions regarding their children's documents, business, or travel. In fact, in the case of a marriage where the father dies of illness, custody of the children will be given to the state, rather than to the mother, as a single woman is not allowed to be in charge of the creatures Unlike other countries in the area, women in Qatar have been allowed to drive for years. They can also vote in elections in which there are no political parties and only the representatives of a chamber with little power and the presence of few women are elected.

[bedbellyandbeyond]

Call A Friend

(Story Post)

“Are the kids alright?” Nari asked. “Yeah, Korsgaard said they were angels, but I have a feeling he's lying...” Nathan sighed. “I bet they bit someone...” “You can't assume that.” Nari was sitting outside the library talking to Nathan. Nathan had told him to check in if his search lasted more than a week and since he still had no luck, after spending seven days in the expansive library, he took a break to call his friend. “Can you believe he compared me kissing Kent to him literally sleeping with him?” Nathan huffed. “And we're back to that... I don't think I'm allowed to have an opinion on that,” Nari said. “You know, considering my previous relationship to your partner...” “But I'd like your opinion,” Nathan said. “I'm still really fucking lost...”

Nari sighed. “All I know is that it doesn't sound like Dax's behaviour. Cheating on someone just isn't in his nature. One-night stands aren't his thing as he needs time to get to know someone before he'll have sex with them. He's incredibly loyal and he loves you very much.” “I know, I know...” Nathan groaned. “I'm just so confused...” “I would believe that this was something out of his control,” Nari said. “I wouldn't believe it's something out of Kent's control, however, I don't know him.” “Right, I figure Kent's been bullshitting me on a lot of things,” Nathan said. “Like, the guy is so obviously gay, or bi or whatever, but he won't admit it and instead hides himself behind homophobia and ill manners.” “I’m not surprised.” “I mean, we know why he won't come out, it's so...” Nathan groaned. “It's so frustrating. Like, I get that what happened to him was really fucking tragic, you know, losing his girlfriend and his kid, but it was twenty years ago!” “Nathan, I know you're not trying to be mean, but twenty years is not a very long time,” Nari said. “The pain that comes from outliving your children never goes away.” Nathan let out a long sigh. “Right... I suppose you would know... Sorry.” “No, but I understand your point,” Nari said. “He is allowing the pain to prevent him from being himself and opening up to people. That is something that happens to a lot of vampires who get stuck in their feelings... I read a book about a vampire who strictly only drank the blood of red heads because his dead wife had red hair. I didn't like that book.” “Shit,” Nathan cursed. “I haven't asked you about how the search is going... And it’s 11pm here, it must be really late over there. I'm sorry.” “I'm literally a vampire and I called you,” Nari stated. “Right, I'm stupid. Sorry.” “Anyway, this has proved a much more complex task than I had originally thought,” Nari said. “A lot of literature about vampires is written like fiction, in storytelling and such. I naïvely expected I was just going to find a textbook on vampire reproductive systems, but it's just been novels and more novels on vampires giving birth to demons and dark beasts and all kinds of nonsense... Finding fact in fiction is incredibly exhausting, and that's only after finding the books in the first place...” “I'm sorry... Have you asked a librarian or someone to help you look?” Nathan asked. “No... I have no interest in talking to these bloodsuckers... These monsters still use the familiar system around here!” Nari said. “Which system?” “Familiars. You know, human servants promised to be turned one day.” “Ah. Slavery.” “That's what I said.” Nathan sighed. “Well, keep your chin up... You're brilliant and tenacious. You'll find what you need, I'm sure.” “I don't know,” Nari said. “I’ve left Diederich alone quite a while now. I feel maybe I should start looking for the magic books he's been asking about and then we can just go home...” “Aw, don't give up like that,” Nathan said. “I'm sure Diederich is fine on his own and he's there to support you. You just need to keep looking.” “Maybe...” Nari said. “I feel like I'm going crazy. Only thing helping me keep track of time is that more vampires are in the library at night time. The library is completely enclosed during the day, but most of them go home to sleep.” “So, you haven't slept at all?” Nathan asked. “Well, one time I got really bored and nodded off on a couch for about two hours...” Nari said. “Just because you can stay awake for days and days without end, doesn't mean you don't need sleep,” Nathan said. “How do you know that?” Nari said. “How do you I need sleep at all?” “You've told me,” Nathan said. “You told me, the longer you go without sleep, the harder it is to focus and your memory starts to fail you. Like literally right now.” “Oh... Right. That's true,” Nari said. “I suggest you go back to your hotel for a day, get some sleep, at least twelve hours, and then come back in a fresh set of clothes to try the library again where you left off. You need a fresher mind for this. You're tired.” Nari nodded. “You're probably right... Anyway, I'm done with me. Back to your problems.” “Uh, I don't know what else there is to say,” Nathan said. “Did the bear guy see his kids yet?” Nari asked. “Yes, well, we did a video session earlier tonight,” Nathan said. “It's really really hard to hate him when you see him get all emotional from just the kids...” “Did he cry?” “Like a baby,” Nathan snickered. “Hopefully he can compose himself when he sees them next weekend in person.” “And you're comfortable with that?” Nari asked. “Well, yeah... I mean, he's their dad and I'll be there,” Nathan said. “He'll have to promise not to argue with me in front of them... I've made it pretty clear I have full authority over his connection to them.” “Hm... And Dax won't be there this time?” Nathan paused. “No, I don't think so...” “Do you have anyone else you can bring?” Nari asked. “I'm not sure I like knowing it'll just be you and those babies out there in the woods...” “I don't think Kent is a threat to us...” Nathan said. “But I get what you mean. APID’s keeping an eye on him. He usually avoids them, but it'll be part of the condition that he can only see them if he cooperates with APID agents.” “That’s good, yes. Bring an agent with you,” Nari said, flexing his claws. “I'd go with you if I could...” “Well, maybe you'll get lucky and find exactly what you're looking for before the weekend,” Nathan said. “Then you could do the trip with me.” Nari scoffed. “I doubt it... This place is an abyss. If you see me next weekend, it's because I gave up and decided to adopt or something...” “Well, I believe in you,” Nathan said. “You can do it.” Nari sighed. “Well... I’m still on the escort thing. Doesn't your case worker have a field agent for a son? Kingsley or something?” “Korsy, yeah,” Nathan said. “The agent who went with us last week was named Hanover, but he was a bit gun happy, and Korsy might be a better fit... I'll ask Korsgaard if he's available. I know he flies across the country and into the states sometimes on assignments, so he could be busy.” “Well, I'll cross my fingers for you that he's available,” Nari said. “Anything else you want to talk about?” Nathan took a deep breath. “Well, all this started because I hosted Wano in my home... I get upset just thinking about it, but I can't tell if I'm being a bit of an asshole about his situation.” “You haven't shared the situation,” Nari said. “Long story short, he's getting deported but he started seeing this guy from my pregnancy group to have a baby, and they did it in my house when I wasn't home, without my consent...” “Um. What? Of course, you're not the asshole. He is being disrespectful to you and your home. Has he apologised?” “Err... Maybe when I transformed... I scared the shit out of him.” “Hm... Well, yes. You don't have to keep him around. It's not fair to you if you're housing him out of your own goodwill. And if you don't even have your own home, why would you have a baby?” “Right? Both of them live out of other people's places. I can't imagine Jeffrey's cousin will be happy with another baby in his apartment.” “Who's Jeffrey?” “Wano's new partner, I guess... In my opinion he's still a baby himself. Both of them are.” “But they're both consenting adults?” Nari asked. “Yeah.” “Nothing you can do but kick them out. It's not your problem. You have your own problems.” “Yeah... Anyway, I should let you get back to it. I need to sleep. And so do you.” Nari sighed. “I'll think about it...” “No, seriously. Sleep. You'll do better if you do. Can you promise me?” “...Okay.” “For real though?” “Yeah, yeah, I'm tired of this stupid library. It's so medieval.” “Ha, alright.” “So, you should do what you have to do too,” Nari said. “Kick out that Wano guy, give Dax a break but don't throw him out entirely, and kiss the twins for me before you go to bed.” Nathan chuckled a bit. “I will.” “Okay. I'm hanging up now.” “Haha, okay. I'll do the same.” “Bye.” “See you soon.” Nari hung up and sighed. He looked back at the library, considering hitting the books a little bit more, but the thought of having to deal with getting through security again was enough to turn him away for now. He got up and headed back to his hotel. At the very least, he had read a magic book about purification that he could tell Diederich about. Maybe it could be used to lower the blood alcohol levels of a drunk wizard. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to test it out when he got back.

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

Logan’s Gay and Remy’s in a Suit

Summary: Just read the title Content: Gays, so much gays, nb!remy, nb!logan (he uses he/him pronouns but he’s still an enby suckers), mentions of dying of gay, logan thinking that flirting = bullying because he’s a useless gay Pairing: Romo losleep Notes: I’m so sleep-deprived I should be sleeping but i HAD to write this so. have it. inspired by this art by @strawberryjellystuff

~~

    Logan was a smart person. He knew a good deal of things. He knew the distance from the earth to the sun, to the moon, and to Mars. He knew the average amount of bones in the human body at any given interval of life. He knew the names of every capital of every city in north and south america.

    He also knew that he was very, very gay. This fact alone wasn’t too shocking or even that impressive. Logan had known he was gay since he was fifteen. It hadn’t been hard to figure out.

    It was the ‘very, very’ that was important. As a rule, Logan rarely felt the need to enhance his words with ‘very.’ He made his points, he made them clearly, and he made them exactly as he wanted them. There was no reason for him to use ‘very.’

    Then he met Remy.

    And Remy… woo boy. Remy.

    Remy made Logan feel it extremely necessary to add ‘very, very’ to his normally adequate descriptor of ‘gay.’ That was because Remy was very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very pretty. And there was only a little bit of the author’s bias showing through in that statement. It was mostly cold, hard fact. You know because LOGAN’S thinking it and he thinks in pretty much only fact.

    So Logan was gay, Remy was (objectively) the prettiest person to exist, and Logan was trying his hardest to stop his writer from taking away his braincells and turning him into a proper gay disaster.

    Except he and Remy worked at the same university. In the same department. During most of the same hours.

    Logan was having a hell of a time holding onto those braincells.

    However, while it had taken time, Logan had adjusted. Survival of the fittest, and all- if Logan wasn’t able to adapt to constantly being around someone so pretty it was outlawed in several made-up countries and a few real ones, then Logan wasn’t fit enough to survive. So he had adapted and he had done so flawlessly.

    Better put, he had suffered several weeks learning how to adjust to the fact that Remy’s naturally perfect looks were only increased by xyr leather jacket and sunglasses, the fact that xy knew how to smirk like xy owned the world (impossible, Logan had considered before, considering Remy was clearly the world, and one could not own oneself), and the fact that Remy was a bully.

    That was the only word Logan had for Remy’s actions towards him, anyways- after all, there was no way Remy had missed the way Logan’s cheeks seemed to literally light on fire every time xy smiled at him, or the little giggle Logan had never properly learned to fight down every time Remy called him a petname (a wholly ridiculous response considering Remy called lots of people petnames- sure, xy only ever seemed to call Logan ‘darling’ or ‘sweetheart’ or ‘light of my world and stars of my universe’ but that didn’t mean anything), or the way Logan stumbled over his every word when attempting to return an offhanded compliment that Remy likely had paid him by accident while thinking of… coffee. Remy did like xyr coffee, after all.

    But Remy’s bullying aside, Logan HAD adapted. He was able to look at Remy with minimal flushing, he had become the master of avoiding conversation topics designed to trap him (though Remy was becoming creative with xyr compliment-trap setups… Logan would have to start adapting faster than Remy if he hoped to survive the semester), and he knew the fastest exits out of every room and building in the entire university, ensuring that- if ever needed- he could literally flee Remy. He was surviving in his new, Remy-included environment.

    And then the author Jelly Remy decided to adapt as well.

    It had been a normal day of work up until then- Logan was working on checking over papers and going through his lesson plan a few more times, making sure he had everything ready for the school day. Upon realizing his coffee had run low, he got up, stretching as he began to move towards the staff lounge, seeking a refill.

    There was only one other teacher there at the moment, which Logan figured made sense- most of the astronomy professors had early morning classes, Logan being one of only two who didn’t. He had gotten out of it by luck- the other had insomnia and wasn’t normally at school in the mornings.

    Logan barely glanced at xyr, however, wanting to get his coffee before he had to deal with being flustered at seven in the morning. He was fairly certain it wouldn’t be that bad of a fluster, anyways- he was at least partially prepared this time, and he was about to have coffee on his side, and it looked like Remy had traded xyr normal leather-jacket look for a suit of some kind, and Remy had probably had a rough night if xy were in early so xyr flusters wouldn’t be top of xyr game, and-

    Logan stopped. Blinked. Processed. Processed again.

    A… suit?

    Logan turned to look at Remy and immediately regretted the decision. Because those braincells he had mentioned earlier? Gone. Stolen. Removed from existence. In theory, the author’s got them stored up somewhere but… eh, their location’s not important. Not like Logan could use them even if he found them.

    Because Remy was in a suit- a blue suit with delicate, lovely white flower designs traced over the chest and around xyr wrists, complimented by a lovely purple tie Logan had never seen Remy wear before- mostly because Remy didn’t normally wear ties. Or suits. Why was Remy wearing a suit?

    To kill me Logan decided barely a second later when Remy caught him staring and smirked at him in a way that was most decidedly an act of bullying.

    “Good morning, sunlight and starshine.” Remy said, further proving that xy was a bully and that xy was bullying Logan right then and there, a conclusion Logan came too as he clamped a hand over his mouth and focused on not making any sound even slightly akin to a giggle. “How are you on this morning that’s nowhere near as fine as you?”

    Logan, smartly, didn’t respond. Speaking would ultimately result in him stuttering, mumbling, and tripping over his words, which would make Remy smirk more, which would make Logan blush more, which would create a horrible cycle that would only end when either Remy left or Logan died. So, by not responding, the cycle never started and therefore could not end in Logan’s death.

    In choosing to do nothing else but stare at Remy without saying a word, however, Logan apparently had responded, in a way- Remy’s smirk still grew and Logan still ended up blushed harder.

    “Oh, darling, don’t tell me I’ve made you speechless.” Remy teased, moving from xyr spot against the wall to stand in front of Logan, tilting xyr head to the side. “No, wait, do tell me. I do love to hear your voice.”

    Logan remained silent. Remy couldn’t go on forever with no new material… right?

    “Or, hey, maybe it’s not me.” Remy went on, unconcerned with Logan’s silence. “Maybe you’re just tired. That’s why you were acting perfectly fine until you saw me, after all. Just tired. Is that right? Or should I keep guessing?”

    Realizing that silence was getting him nowhere and nothing (besides more flustered), Logan decided to simply attempt to move on with his day. Maybe ignoring Remy would make xyr go away.

    Logan had just barely turned to once more resume his walk to the coffee pot when he was forced to stop once more, this time not by Remy’s looks but by the fact that Remy had a hand and the ability to grab Logan’s wrist with it.

    A very annoying ability for sure, given it not only prevented Logan from continuing with his brilliant plan of ‘if you just ignore xyr eventually xy’ll go away’, but also increased his blush and got him looking at Remy again which was increasing his blush even more. By now, Logan was fairly sure his entire face was red, which was completely unfair given that blue was much more his colour.

    “Come on, sweetheart, don’t be like that.” Remy said, voice now both confident and sweet, which wasn’t helping Logan’s goal to Just Stop Blushing Already at all. “If you really have had a long night, I don’t mean to tease.”

    “N-no, I’m fine.” Logan said, which was a lie, because he wasn’t fine at all, he was doing terribly, but he was also doing a million times better than usual, which also wasn’t fine but it was in a completely different direction than terribly. So, either way, his statement was a lie. “Just uh… a long morning.”

    Logan realized that was the wrong answer the moment Remy’s softer smile once more became a smirk. “I take it back, then. I very much mean to tease.”

    “Ah-” Logan cleared his throat, trying to find a way to backtrack, “I do have, uh, a couple of papers to take care of, so-”

    “And you don’t have class for at least another hour.” Remy pointed out for him, still holding onto his wrist and giving no indication that xy’d be letting go of it anytime soon. “You’ve got the time to spare for a bit of conversation with your favorite colleague.”

    “You presume to be my favorite?” Logan managed to say without tripping over any of his words.

    Remy’s smirk just turned knowing. “I don’t have to be a poker player to spot your tells, babe. Unless, of course, you have another reason for constantly blushing around me.”

    “You possibly have a higher-than-average body temperature that causes all the objects and people within your near vicinity to heat up as well, therefore prompting a blush in those organisms that have the ability to blush.” Logan offered, well aware everything he was saying was bullshit meant only as a poor attempt to save himself.

    Unsurprisingly, Remy saw right through him. “Nah, hun, I don’t think it’s that. You can try again, if you want, but if you’d let me take a crack at it-”

    “Please do not.” Logan interrupted rather hurriedly, which only fueled Remy’s amusement. “I am simply… tired. And busy. So, ah, if you’ll excuse me, I really should be getting back to my work-”

    “Alright, beautiful, I know when I’m wanted.” Remy said, politely half-ignoring as Logan looked away and pretended to cough into his arm as he let out a small giggle. “One question before you go?”

    “I really should be-”

    “Are you free tonight?”

    That shut Logan up. “I- what?”

    “Are you free tonight?” Remy repeated, only smiling at Logan’s confusion. “I know this really lovely place downtown, I promise you you’ll love it, though not nearly as much as I love you-”

    “I- what?!” Logan said, more panickedly this time. Tonight? Restaurant? Love you?

    Remy titled xyr head to the side, looking puzzled. “I don’t know how to make this any clearer for you, love.”

    “I- ah- you- are you- are you asking me out on- on a date?” Logan demanded, not caring much for how many times he had to restart his sentence but having no solution for that particular problem.

    “...I would’ve hoped that was fairly obvious, yes.” Remy answered, shaking xyr head a bit as they continued to watch Logan with amused confusion. “This isn’t a surprise to you, is it?”

    “Well- I- uh- it’s just-”

    Remy laughed. “Oh, darling, I hate to laugh at you, but- Lo, hun, I’ve been flirting with you for weeks now. This can’t be that shocking.”

    “You’ve been flirting with me?!” Logan responded. “When?!”

    “I- Logan, I’ve been calling you the most ridiculous of petnames, complimenting you every time you so much as blink, repeatedly breaking into your classroom to force you to eat lunch with me, interrupting your classes to tease you- what do you think I’ve been doing?”

    “Bullying me!”

    “I was- I’m sorry, say that again?”

    “Bullying me!” Logan repeated as asked, moving his coffee cup into the hand that Remy was holding hostage so that he could run his fingers through his hair, feeling frazzled. “You kept- you kept doing things to make me blush and- and lose focus- and- and giggle, for gods’ sakes- what else could you have been doing?!”

    To Logan’s surprise, instead of defending xyrself, Remy just laughed as xyr face broke out in the widest grin Logan had seen xyr wearing all morning. “You absolute dork.” Xy said, though xyr tone was only endearing. “You really are a disaster gay, huh?”

    “...Just a little.” Logan said weakly, before forcing himself to amend, “Maybe a lot.”

    “A lot sounds more accurate, yeah.” Remy agreed, still laughing a bit. “Bullying you- oh, you really are too cute, sugar.”

    Logan resisted the urge to run to exit number fifty-nine and escape the blush that, at this point, was likely hot enough to permanently burn his skin. “You’re still being a bully.”

    “Oh, probably.” Remy admitted before xyr grin was once again replaced by a smirk Logan had both memorized and yet also knew he would never get used to. “But am I being too much of a bully that you won’t go out on a date with me?”

    “I- uh- I-” Logan ducked his head. He couldn’t accept Remy’s offer, he really couldn’t, it would almost guarantee his death, and he had worked so hard to become immune to Remy’s killer charm (pun not intended and not appreciated).

    But at the same time… Logan wasn’t sure he had the willpower to refuse.

    So, predictably, he settled for a quick little nod that said everything Remy needed to hear without Logan having to stutter his way through a single word.

    Remy’s grin turned dazzling. “Perfect!” Xy exclaimed, quickly pressing a kiss to Logan’s cheek before he could even begin to react. “I’ll pick you up after all our classes are out, okay?”

    “O-okay.” Logan said numbly, free hand raising to rest over the spot where Remy had kissed him, feeling half-trapped in a dream.

    “Perfect!” Remy repeated, still grinning as xy let go of Logan’s hand, heading towards the door, bursting with energy and clearly on xyr way to continue planning the exacts of Logan’s demise.

Before xy could fully get out of the room, however, Logan managed to get his voice back about him and call out, “Wait!”

Remy immediately stopped, turning back to look at Logan. “Yes, sweetheart?”

“I- uh-” Logan gestured vaguely at Remy, “Your suit. You- You never wear suits. Why today…?”

At that, Remy’s grin just widened to a degree Logan wasn’t entirely sure should be humanly possible. “For our date, of course!” Xy answered, raising xyr sunglasses just so that xy could wink at Logan. “I had a feeling you’d say yes.”

And with that, Remy left, leaving Logan to stand in the middle of the staff lounge, empty coffee mug still in one hand, the other still resting on his cheek and over the spot where Remy had kissed him, feeling dazed in the best sort of way possible.

He was still standing there when another one of the teachers wandered in, shooting him a strange look. “Are you alright, Logan?”

“Not at all.” Logan answered truthfully.

He was much, much better than alright.

[southeastasianists]

Last September, I drove for four hours from Jakarta to a small town in western Java, staying one night in a Javanese-styled hotel at the foot of Mt. Ciremai, a 3,000-meter volcano on Java. When I got to Cisantana, I journeyed down a stone path, looking for the Mother Mary shrine. It was a welcome surprise to see this Catholic shrine, equipped with a tropical version of the Via Dolorosa—the route believed to have been taken by Jesus through Jerusalem to Calvary—and supported by electricity coming from a nearby Islamic boarding school.

The presence of such a shrine was all the more surprising in West Java, one of Indonesia’s most conservative Muslim provinces, where attacks against Christians, Ahmadis, and other religious minorities frequently make headlines in local news. Attacks against women’s rights, private gay parties, and transgender crowds are not uncommon.

I continued walking past avocado farms, a banana plantation, and cornfields and finally came upon an open space where a handful of Sundanese women and men were working to construct a tomb.

They were very pleasant. “It’s a quiet day today,” an elderly man said to me. They were taking a break and welcomed me to sit in their bamboo hut with a fire stove.

A woman showed me phone videos of the work they did with more than 100 volunteers, who used wooden poles and bamboo to bring several huge stones from a nearby river to this spot, which is inaccessible by road. They called the tomb “Batu Satangtung” or the “Human Stone,” intended for their elderly religious leader and his wife.

I imagined the makers of Stonehenge might have used similar methods two or three millennia ago in England.

The Sundanese people are from West Java, a province of about 40 million. They are the second largest ethnic group in Indonesia, after the neighbouring Javanese. The volunteers I met are not only Sundanese but of the ethnic-religious group Sunda Wiwitan. The name literally means “early Sunda” or “real Sunda.” Its practitioners assert that Sunda Wiwitan has been part of the Sundanese way of life since before the arrival of Hinduism and Islam.

Why were they building the tomb here? Ela Romlah, the woman with the videos, told me that in 1937 and 1938, when Mt. Ciremai was expected to erupt, Pangeran Madrais—then the leader of this group—and his followers climbed the mountain, carrying a set of gamelan instruments. He and hundreds of his musicians played the gamelan on the mountain for months. They believed their music and prayer stopped the eruption. “They then set up a camp at the foot of the mountain. It was here in Curug Goong.”

Madrais was an inspirational cleric, interpreting old Sundanese and Javanese beliefs. He helped establish the community in 1925.

The Dutch colonial officials in charge at the time were not amused to see this kind of independent behaviour. They tried to prevent hundreds of Sundanese people from staying at Curug Goong. But they said nothing when Mt. Ciremai calmed down.

In August 1945, at the end of World War II, Indonesia’s independence leaders adopted a constitution that vowed to protect all Indonesian citizens equally. But they also reached a political compromise with conservative Muslims, including Wahid Hasjim, the chairman of the Nahdlatul Ulama. The agreement, designed to avoid setting up an Islamic state, established the Ministry of Religious Affairs to be “the bridge” between Muslims and the state. The compromise was called Pancasila.

In Garut, about four hours’ drive from Curug Goong, Islamist militants were not satisfied with this and declared the Darul Islam (Islamic State) movement in August 1949, vowing to implement their version of Sharia in Indonesia. From 1950 to 1958, Darul Islam conducted a failed guerrilla campaign in West Java that nonetheless attracted some popular support. They attacked not only the Indonesian military but also religious minorities.

In response, Wahid Hasjim, the minister of religious affairs, adopted a 1952 decree to differentiate between “kepercayaan” (faith) and “agama” (religion). In Indonesian vocabulary, “aliran kepercayaan” is officially used to cover multiple minor religions and spiritual movements. Hasjim decreed that “aliran kepercayaan” are “dogmatic ideas, intertwined with the living customs of various ethnic groups, especially among those who are still underdeveloped, whose main beliefs are the customs of their ancestors throughout the ages.”

Meanwhile, “agama” was defined according to monotheistic understandings. If a community is to be recognised as “religious,” it must adhere to “an internationally recognised monotheistic creed; taught by a prophet through the scriptures.” In this way the decree discriminates against non-monotheistic religions including Hinduism, Buddhism, Confucianism, Bahaism, Zoroastrianism and hundreds of local religions and spiritual movements in Indonesia.

In West Java, the Sunda Wiwitan people faced two serious challenges: the Darul Islam militants, who repeatedly intimidated and attacked them, and the Ministry of Religious Affairs, which actively tried to align “underdeveloped religions” such as theirs with Christianity or Islam.

In 1954, Darul Islam militants attacked the Sunda Wiwitan base in Kuningan. “They managed to burn our paseban (communal spaces) including the kitchen and the garages but fortunately not the main hall,” she said. “They forced our members to convert to Islam,” said Dewi Kanti, a great granddaughter of Madrais.

Similar intimidation and violence took place in neighbouring regencies Tasikmalaya, Banjar, and Garut. Dewi’s grandfather, Pangeran Tedja Buwana, who succeeded Madrais, fled Kuningan to Bandung.

Darul Islam also sent militants into Jakarta. On November 30, 1957, President Sukarno attended a school function at which a Darul Islam militant threw a grenade. Sukarno was unharmed, but six schoolchildren died.

Even after Darul Islam had been militarily defeated, eight Darul Islam militants mingled with a Muslim congregation during a prayer service inside the State Palace on May 14, 1962. They fired shots at Sukarno but missed, hitting one of his bodyguards and a Muslim scholar instead.

Muslim conservatives continued their opposition to smaller religions and spiritual movements. To placate hardliners, Sukarno banned the Indonesian Freemasons (Vrijmetselaren-Loge) along with six so-called “affiliates,” without providing evidence of any illegal links: the Bahai Indonesia organisation, the Divine Life Society, the Moral Rearmament Movement, the Ancient Mystical Order Rosae Crucis, the Rotary Club and the Democracy League, a non-religious organisation considered to be critical of Sukarno. The Rotary Club was accused of being a Zionist group; this was essentially  a conspiracy theory intended to connect the Freemasons to the six organisations.

In June 1964, the Kuningan authorities declared Sunda Wiwitan marriages illegal. The Kuningan prosecutor’s office later detained nine believers—a priest and eight young grooms who married in Sundanese Wiwitan rituals—for several months.

Anticipating increased hostilities, Tedja Buwana, who had returned from Bandung, left the Sunda Wiwitan faith, joined the Catholic church and used their paseban as a church. His move prompted 5,000 Sunda Wiwitan believers to convert to Catholicism, according to a researcher, Cornelius Iman Sukmana, himself a Catholic in Kuningan, who wrote a book about the Sunda Wiwitan and the Catholic church.

“It was an important decision. My grandfather saved thousands of our members from accusations of atheism,” said Dewi Kanti, referring to massacres of the communists between 1965 and 1969. “We can’t imagine what would have happened if he didn’t do it.”

Decades later, when the situation finally calmed down, many of these Sunda Wiwitan people, including Dewi Kanti, openly, but not offficially, re-converted to Sunda Wiwitan. Many who converted away from Christianity still go to Sunday mass and wear a cross around their necks. But inside their pockets, they also have Sunda Wiwitan pendants (a mountain, an eagle and two snakes).

“It is common in Kuningan to meet a single family with several religions,” said a vendor near the shrine.

As I walked down from the tomb, I wondered if these conversions and re-conversions prove that religious identity is not a zero-sum game. Identity is somehow imagined like a container with a fixed volume; if you have more of one identity, you have less of another. The Sunda Wiwitan people showed me that they could expand the container and have multiple identities. Thinking of it from this perspective, it is no surprise that I found a tropical Via Dolorosa and an Islamic boarding school near the tomb construction.

The 1965 Blasphemy Law

In downtown Kuningan, I drove to the paseban area, looking at the beautiful wooden hall and sipping a smooth ginger-lemon tea while chatting with Okky Satrio Djati, a Catholic Javanese, who had married the Sunda Wiwitan leader Dewi Kanti almost two decades earlier.

Djati and I used to work together in a newsroom during the Suharto era, publishing online samizdat and managing a mobile internet server. He went to Kuningan in 1998 when President Suharto was facing the mass protests at the height of the Asian economic crisis and helped hide political activists fleeing trouble.

Djati is now a Sunda Wiwitan member, speaking Sundanese, burning incense and sometimes performing midnight prayers in a nearby mountain. “He seems to be more Sundanese than me,” said Kanti, with a giggle.

Djati helps his wife deal with the discrimination that many Sunda Wiwitan members face. “My husband chose Catholicism as his official religion,” Kanti said. “But he practices Kejawen faith. If we insisted on marrying with our own (real) religions, we wouldn’t have birth certificates for our children, or at least, not with my husband’s name on them.”

Under Indonesia’s legal system, an ethnic believer cannot put their kepercayaan on the agama column of their national ID cards and thus cannot legally marry unless they change their kepercayaan to a recognised religion. In these cases, they leave a blank space in the religion column of the card and the civil registration office does not recognise paternity because the couples are not officially married.

Problems for religious minorities escalated in January 1965 when President Sukarno issued a decree that prohibited people from being hostile toward religions or committing blasphemy, which is defined as “abuse” and “desecration” of a religion. Sukarno decreed that the government would steer “mystical sects … toward a healthy way of thinking and believing in the One and Only God.” The decree, which gave official approval only to Islam, Protestantism, Catholicism, Hinduism, Buddhism and Confucianism, was immediately incorporated into the Criminal Code as article 156(a), with a maximum penalty of five years in prison. This has had disastrous effects until the present.

After deposing Sukarno, Suharto and his regime enforced the 1952 decree, which also requires a religion to have a holy book, leading to many bizarre stories of “religious alignment.” In Kalimantan, Dayak tribal leaders created the Panaturan –a collection of Dayak ancestral wisdom compiled into a single “holy book.” This required the creation of a clergy, so Dayak priests were trained. Religious rituals once held in fields and homes were moved into new worship halls called Balai Basarah. But most importantly, Kaharingan religious leaders had to choose a permitted religion to align with. They chose Hinduism, and thus became “Kaharingan Hindu.” But do not ask them about Ganesh or karma!

President Suharto’s wrote about his own Javanese Kejawen faith and Islam in his 1989 authorised biography. He described the syncretism common among the Javanese, conducting his Islamic prayers and celebrating Islamic holidays while also meditating in the sacred places of the Javanese traditions when he wanted to make major decision.

On September 7, 1974, three months before the East Timor invasion, Australian Prime Minister Gough Whitlam met Suharto in a villa in Mt. Dieng, Java Island, where Suharto was meditating in the Semar Cave, which is named after a mythical Javanese character with whom Suharto identified. That cave is still regarded as sacred. When I visited in 2019 it was locked—the villa is now a museum where photos of the Suharto-Whitlam meeting are displayed. Showing a more open mind towards religious minorities, in 1978, Suharto created a directorate within the Ministry of Education and Culture to service these local religions, telling the Indonesian parliament, “These kepercayaan are part of our national tradition, and need not to be opposed to agama.”

Yet even under a strongman, the Ministry of Religious Affairs, technically in charge of religions, resisted and maintained its opposition to local religions. They have refused to include kepercayaan within their domain and have promoted the inclusion of these believers into monotheistic realms. One reason Muslim groups refuse to recognise kepercayaan is their concern that the percentage of Muslims (88 percent) in Indonesia may decline, threatening their majority status.

In Kuningan, the new atmosphere under Suharto prompted the Sunda Wiwitan to re-convert to their native faith. Some of them legally left the Catholic church. Some maintain the practice of two religions, living with multiple identities. In 1982, the faith registered with the Ministry of Education and Culture’s directorate, seeking government services along with President Suharto’s accommodation of ethnic believers.

During the weekend I spent talking with Kanti, Djati and other Sunda Wiwitan believers, young and old, women and men, I witnessed the pain of the discrimination they faced and the cost of religious intolerance to people full of tolerance themselves.

It is fascinating to see a small religion resisting the power of the state. While Suharto took some important steps to protect religious freedom, it would have been better still if he had shown the moral courage to rescind the blasphemy law and the idiosyncratic and dangerous definition of religion from the Sukarno era. Sadly, Suharto’s successors have also failed to find the necessary political will.

Post-Suharto Discrimination

Jarwan is the only Sundanese man who stays overnight to guard the Sunda Wiwitan tomb in Curug Goong. He is a well-built man, keeping a motorcycle and several guard dogs in the bamboo hut.

“Someone has to stay here,” he said. “I am the youngest of the elders.”

In July 2020, the Kuningan government sealed off the tomb, declaring that the Sunda Wiwitan group had no permit to build “a monument.” Dozens of Sunni Muslim militants accompanied government officials to seal the tomb, saying that “the monument” is idolatrous.

Sunda Wiwitan members argue that the construction is not a “monument” but rather a “tomb” prepared for two of their elders, Dewi Kanti’s parents, Pangeran Djati Kusumah, and Emalia Wigarningsih. “It’s built on their own land. There is no regulation here to ban anyone to have cemeteries on our own land,” Djati said.

This is not an unfamiliar scene in many Muslim-majority provinces in Indonesia. Rights monitors have recorded hundreds of incidents like this involving Sunni militant groups, whose thuggish harassment and assaults on houses of worship and members of religious minorities have become increasingly aggressive. Those targeted include Ahmadis, Christians, and Shia Muslims. To give just one grisly example, on May 13-14, 2018, Islamist suicide bombers detonated explosives at three Christian churches in Surabaya. The bombings killed at least 12 and wounded at least 50 people. Thirteen suicide bombers also died.

In 2006 the government introduced regulations for building permits for houses of worship, prompting Muslim protesters to demand the closure of “illegal churches.” Hundreds of churches were closed. Some Christian congregations won lawsuits allowing them to build, but local governments simply ignored  court rulings. GKI Yasmin Protestant Church in Bogor was shut down in 2008. The congregation won the case at the Supreme Court in 2010 and then-President Yudhoyono asked the local government to reopen the church, but the city government defied the orders, without consequence.

By contrast, in 2010 the Religious Affairs Ministry listed 243,199 mosques throughout Indonesia, around 78 percent of all houses of worship. Recently an ongoing government census using drones and photography has registered at least 554,152 mosques, suggesting that the number of mosques has more than doubled in a decade.

The hardline Islamist preacher, Rizieq Shihab, has just returned to Indonesia from self-imposed exile in Saudi Arabia. He then called on his supporters “to behead blasphemers;” on November 27 an Islamist group attacked a village in Sigi, Sulawesi island, beheading a Salvation Army elder and three of his relatives. The attackers also burned a Salvation Army church and six other Christian-owned houses. No action has been taken against Rizieq for inciting violence, although police arrested him for breaking coronavirus restrictions.

Threats and speeches that incite violence are facilitated by Indonesia’s discriminatory laws and regulations. They give local majority religious populations significant leverage over religious minority communities. Compounding this, institutions including the Ministry of Religious Affairs, the Coordinating Board for Monitoring Mystical Beliefs in Society (Bakor Pakem) under the Attorney General’s Office, the Religious Harmony Forum, and the semi-official Indonesian Ulema Council have issued decrees and fatwas (religious rulings) against members of religious minorities, and frequently press for the prosecution of “blasphemers.”

Recent targets of the blasphemy law include three former leaders of the Gafatar religious community, prosecuted following the violent, forced eviction in 2016 of more than 7,000 members of the group from their farms on Kalimantan. A more prominent target was former Jakarta Governor Basuki “Ahok” Purnama, sentenced to a two-year prison term for blasphemy in a politically motivated case in May 2017. His longtime friend and ally, President Joko Widodo, simply stood by, afraid of the wrath of radical conservatives.

Violence against religious minorities and government failures to take decisive action negate guarantees of religious freedom in the Indonesian constitution and international law, including core international human rights conventions ratified by Indonesia. The International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, which Indonesia acceded to in 2005, provides that “persons belonging to…minorities shall not be denied the right, in community with the other members of their group, to enjoy their own culture, to profess and practice their own religion.”

Throughout there have been occasional and modest examples of progress. The Rotary Club began operating again in 1970 after Sukarno died. In 2000, President Abdurrahman Wahid, the eldest son of Hasjim Wahid, cancelled President Sukarno’s 1962 decree banning the Freemasons and alleged associate organisations. After more than a dozen members were detained under the law during the New Order, the Bahai community has since been able to revive their network; however, they have been denied permission to build a temple so they continue to worship in private homes.

A major reform took place in 2006 when President Yudhoyono signed the Population Administrative Law, which no longer requires kepercayaan believers to convert to official religions to be listed on ID cards. But many civil servants are still not aware of or ignore the law, so religious minorities face problems if they refuse to choose one of the six religions that these officials recognise. “They simply say you’re a godless woman if you want to keep the [religion] column blank,” said Kanti, whose ID card has a blank space after the word agama.

In Kuningan, Indonesia’s Ombudsman finally helped mediate the dispute between the Sunda Wiwitan community and the local government, prompting the local authorities to lift the seal on the site and permitting the group to continue constructing the tomb.

The Ombudsman’s Office also helped the Dayak Kaharingan, pressuring several local governments to drop decades of discrimination. Ombudsman Ahmad Suaedy said in a webinar: “The key issue is that they [local religious groups] should get public service. The religious minorities should take courage to report their difficulties.”

In 2017, four Indonesian citizens petitioned the Constitutional Court, demanding the right to have their religions listed on their ID cards. They represented four Indigenous religions including the Marapu  (Sumba ), the Sapto Darmo (Java ), and the Parmalim and the Ugamo Bangsa Batak (Sumatra). On November 7, 2017, the court ruled in their favour.

But the Ulama Council objected to the decision. The Ministry of Home Affairs, which issues and manages ID cards, has since failed to implement the court decision. The Ulama Council argued that the ruling “hurts the feeling of the Islamic ummah,” but it is not clear on what legal grounds the ministry refuses to do its duty.

Separately, the Constitutional Court rejected three petitions to revoke the blasphemy law between 2009 and 2018, declaring that religious freedom was subject to certain limitations to preserve public order (former President Abdurrahman Wahid joined the lawsuit in 2009). Those limitations, the court stated in its 2010 decision, were to be defined by “religious scholars,” thereby outsourcing the rights of minorities to unelected members of the majority religion.

There are more than 180 ethnic-religious communities spanning from Sumatra to the smaller islands in eastern Indonesia. They are estimated to encompass around 10 to 12 million people, although the 2010 census recorded only 299,617 people or 0.13 percent of Indonesians claiming to be exclusively ethnic believers. It is still hard and even dangerous to publicly declare one’s religion in Indonesia.

Indeed, it is gruelling work to battle against both government officials and the Sunni ulama. Spineless politicians, feckless government bureaucrats, and narrow-minded ulama officials hamper the development of democracy and human rights in Indonesia.

Jarwan in Curug Goong knows very well that he cannot rely on the government or anyone else to protect the tomb he stands guard over. “We have seen this mistreatment and intimidation for decades. We must guard our sacred places ourselves.

[stunt-lads]

Tagged by @jimtheviking (tysm for tagging me)

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line. Then tag some of your favourite authors

(Under a read more due to length!)

★ Untitled - Wolvlock; Logan kicks in the door to the room he can smell Sherlock’s scent emanating from. He finds him, alive, moving, breathing but he shies away from the light streaming in behind him.

♥ Nonae - OC Backstory; He thinks he had a name once. Before he ran away. But leaving his realm, his home has left him empty.

★ Camping (Working title) - Streddie (IT); “So, we’re going camping this weekend right?” Richie can hear Eddie in the other room, double and triple checking to make sure he has everything.

“Yes, we’re leaving today actually, so make sure you take everything you’ll need for a week.” Eddie snarks from his bedroom across the hall. Richie thinks it's sweet he doesn’t even pretend to believe Richie’s packed already.

Richie smiles to himself as he haphazardly throws things into the bag. There’s something that makes him feel domestic in that.

♥ Vent - OC Style (ft. Carter, Declan, Peyton); The door creaking has him slowly waking up. It’s not common that someone comes into his room at night but maybe it’s dad or Declan in need of something.

♥ Untitled; He lays on his back, looking up at the stars and moon

The ground is finally dry enough from all the melting snow for him to just relax It’s still partially frozen and his clothes aren’t thick enough to stop all the water from seeping into his skin Cooling it in the cold night air But it’s worth it It’s so worth it to look up at the sky and see the vast array of stars.

★ Nitis - Penultimate Chapter; “Are you sure this is the right way?” Soot’s voice echoes slightly in the metal interior.

“I think so. It’s so hard to tell…” Dart sounds unsure of himself. Fern steels herself and steps forward at the same time Ash does.

They look at each other and nod.

“Follow Ash.” Fern’s voice is soft but confident, “Dart, you follow her and then me, and Soot if—“

“Yeah! I can use my antlers if I need to.” He lets them crackle softly to enunciate his words.

“Yeah. Ok.”

Dart inhales deeply, the four of them able to breathe easily even as the smog and black smoke surrounds them and prevents them from seeing clearly. Ash stops in front of him and looks back at them, her eyes glowing a soft green in the harsh red lighting.

“She wants to know which way to go.” Soot says, tilting his head curiously. He gently nudges at Fern’s hindquarters, “Get up next to her. You’re our navigator.”

“B-But I—“

“You can do it Fern.” Dart says stepping aside. Fern lays her ears flat back against her head and steps forward on shaky legs. Ash looks at her with a small smile and nods.

“Alright, ok. Uhm…” She closes her eyes and concentrates until the loud sound of the machinery around them fades away, until she doesn’t feel the rumbling of the behemoth moving around them.

“Right. And then the next fork we go left.”

“Alright! Let’s go!” Dart says excitedly as they all run deeper into the darkness of the metal monstrosity, Soot whooping as he brings up the tail end again.

★ The Thief and the Bard - OC story (ft. Caleb and Lysander); It’s dark now and the rafters creak under his weight as his eyes take in the empty store.

He’s been stalking it all day, watching the shopkeeper, learning his habits. He’s friendly enough, if intimidating. To be expected though. He’s a bear.

As soon as the candlelight went out, the torches were doused with a soft sizzle, and the light from the fire had died down to embers, he made his move.

He genuinely couldn’t believe his luck when he saw the window left open on the second floor. Climbing his way up had been easy enough and the cloud cover had left him invisible to anyone watching.

The fox’s nose twitches as his ears swivel and he waits before swinging down onto the log floor. He winces when the wood groans softly under his feet.

♥ The one where they’re queer - Stozier (ft. Trans Stan); Richie Tozier was a rambunctious boy. But it also wasn’t unusual or hard for him to make friends. Which is how he made friends with the nice girl down the street.

Her name was Hannah Uris and she was the only girl Richie ever liked.

✘ Omega Stan - Stozier; He doesn’t like being soft

He doesn’t like being vulnerable and when he presents his status he’s really pissed about it Especially since He’s the only loser who is an omega

★ FBI Stan + Richie, Witness Protection Eddie (Steddie); He’s had to relocate this dude liketimes and ‘Eddie’ is his new name and he has no friends and Stan feels bad for him

So he says “hey, why don’t I keep you company until you’re settled in and comfortable?” And Eddie goes from 😔 to 🥺 and Stan’s like oh fuck he’s cute

★ The guy next door - Reddie (ft. Trans Eddie); When he first moves in Richie’s already intrigued by him.

He looks perpetually angry and Richie is living for it. Richie makes his move when he goes to catch a box that nearly falls from his hands, the boxes stacked too high.

✘ Barry/Soso - Dark A/B/O; “Please, i dont want this, I asked you not to when I was in heat, sTOP!”

But Barry doesn’t listen and pins his wrists to the bed, after turning him onto his stomach and making him keep his face buried in the pillows.

✘ Corruption and blasphemy? Yes - Reddie (ft. Demon!Eddie & Priest!Richie); For a demon Eddie Kaspbrak is small, he’s unassuming, petite, he thinks he even heard a human refer to him as a “twink” once when he was in a gay club and looking for a hookup to ease his bloodlust.

He doesn’t really care what they call him, he just knows when he sets his sights on someone, they become his.

Must be the greed in him.

✘ Venting via proxy; it’s hazy, his memories, and that’s ok. or, well, it’s not okay, but he prefers the haziness to the vivid memories.

at least with the lapses in his memory he can pretend nothing happened. because even if something did, he doesn’t know what it was, can’t pinpoint it, doesn’t dwell on it late at night when the demons come for him in the darkness. all shadows and long arms.

♥ Christmas but make it horror - Reddie; “Do I have to stay, Richie?” Stan whines, throwing a pillow at him from the spot on his bed.

“You do.” Richie says cheerfully, throwing a wrapped gift in his direction, “And here’s your present you whiny baby.”

Stan tears into it eagerly. He tries not to laugh when he sees the hideous thing, “Thanks, Rich.” He deadpans and Richie presses an exaggerated kiss to his temple.

“Anythin�� for you toots.”

Stan shoves him away laughing.

★ Oceans Embrace - PotC OC/Canon story; what’re ye worried about in these waters? eyes flit to the darkening sky in answer ain’t no harpies for leagues and ‘fore you mention ‘em mermaids flock t’gether in shallower waters.

aye but there's somethin’ worse than harpies, worse than mermaids even. breaths are held, and work is paused as the second mate speaks, somethin’ that's the unholy mixture of the two.

✘ Soft Reddie; Eddie always wanted to believe in unicorns. He wanted to see one one day, a pure white animal, pristine and clean that only showed itself to those who it deemed worthy and good of heart?

Yeah. Eddie wanted that.

♥ Blurb/Ficlet - Reddie; It’s after Derry, when they’re all staying for a week with Richie, ignoring their obligations so they can catch up on things they’ve missed in their time apart. And Stan has brought along Patty and she and Bev are already getting along great. Stan is obviously smitten, if the way he looks at her and just holds her hand is any indication.

✘ Barry/Richie/Milo; He isn’t sure when the turning point is. When he decides he just can’t do it anymore. But he knows it starts when he’s on stage. Seeing the spotlight and suddenly snapping back to beneath Derry, frozen in fear and tense. He vomits on stage and there’s murmurs of “oh god” and “is he okay?” from the crowd and Richie Tozier, for one of the first times in his life, sincerely apologizes.

♥ But Trust me to take you home - Reddie; It’s funny, Eddie thinks, that as things change they still always sort of stay the same.

Key:

♥ - Completed

★ - WIP/incomplete

✘ Abandoned

Tagging: @ull-float-too @bimmyshrug @blueeyedrichie @fuckbitchesgetreddie  @fuji09 and whoever else wants to do this! <33

[giftofshewbread]

Created Problems (Prophecy update)

By Daymond Duck   Published on: August 22, 2021

Created problems are piling up in the U.S. as the globalists continue their effort to weaken America and establish a world government by 2030 or sooner.

These are facts, not conspiracy theories.

Oil—The Biden administration deliberately reduced America’s oil production by stopping construction on the Keystone XL Pipeline, halting oil production on federal lands in Louisiana, New Mexico, etc., and this caused the price of oil to soar. Now, Biden wants production increased to bring the price of oil back down, but he doesn’t want U.S. companies and U.S. workers to increase production, get their jobs back, etc.; he wants OPEC and foreign workers to increase production and have those jobs.

Crime—The Defund the Police movement has resulted in police budgets being cut in many cities, thousands of criminals being released from jails, soaring shootings, killings, and thefts; this is by design because globalists want to gain control of the police.

Border—The Biden administration has deliberately destroyed what few immigration laws the U.S. had. This week, Biden’s Homeland Security Sec. visited the U.S./Mexico border and was secretly recorded saying the border crisis is unsustainable (just the opposite of what he is saying in public). About one million immigrants (many with Covid) have come across the border, drug and human trafficking have increased, etc., and there is no effort to stop it (just an effort to hide what they are doing by lying about it.).

Covid—Only U.S. citizens are required to wear masks and be tested. Illegal aliens are not required to be masked or tested, and many are deliberately bussed and flown to other parts of the U.S., especially TX and FLA (at taxpayer expense) in what appears to be an effort to spread Covid, turn TX and FLA from Red to Blue (from Republican to Democrat) and blame unvaccinated citizens for spreading Covid to justify forcing everyone to be vaccinated for the global good or the common good (deceptive phrases meaning world government).

Inflation—Inflation is rising faster than wages are increasing, meaning money is declining in value and buying less and less. There seems to be two reasons: 1) Unending stimulus packages with pork-barrel spending, and 2) Disruption of production due to the deliberate spread of Covid and imposed lockdowns. This is increasing the price of everything (food, clothing, vehicles, rent, mortgages, medicine, etc.; gas is $1 per gallon higher than it was this time last year). It is destroying the U.S. economy and hurting every American, especially the poor.

Critical Race Theory (CRT)—Socialists have increased their power in the Democrat Party, and they are pushing CRT (a new form of segregation) to divide the U.S. They know that a nation divided against itself cannot stand. Why else would they want to re-establish segregation? Note: On Aug. 16, 2021, the Arkansas Attorney Gen. said separating children based on race violates the Equal Protection Clause of the U.S. Constitution.

Afghanistan—Biden told America the Afghan military had enough modern weapons and troops to defend itself. Then, we read that Biden sent a letter to the Taliban asking them to hold off taking over the country until we could evacuate our people. Then, we read that most of the major Afghan cities fell in 24 hours. Then, we read that the Afghan capital fell a few hours later. Then, we read that Biden offered the Taliban foreign aid for a promise to not attack the U.S. embassy.

Biden’s hasty exit sends the message that America is not a reliable ally; it dooms thousands of Afghan soldiers to death that helped the U.S.; it dooms Afghan women to second class citizenship, covering their face, etc.; it dooms Afghan girls to forced marriages, no education, etc.; it dooms Afghan boys to brainwashing, very little education, etc.; it dooms Afghan men to beatings, amputation of limbs, etc.; and it dooms the Christians to convert to Islam or be executed. Thousands of Americans were injured or killed in Afghanistan, and Biden squandered everything America accomplished in a matter of hours.

Update One: On Aug. 16, 2021, it was reported that French Pres. Macron was advised to call an emergency meeting of the EU Council because “the security of the world” is in danger. Some EU leaders say an Islamic Caliphate in Afghanistan will be a serious threat to the western world.

Update Two: On Aug. 16, 2021, an editorial in a Chinese-affiliated newspaper declared that war will break out between China and Taiwan, and the U.S. will not help Taiwan. Amir Tsarfati said China, Russia, and Iran are declaring that the post-American world order is over, and he believes that Russia and Iran no longer believe the U.S. will help Israel if they decide to launch an attack.

Update Three: On Aug. 17, 2021, it was reported that China has been emboldened by America’s apparent weakness, and her military is already preparing to practice an attack on Taiwan.

Update Four: On Aug. 17, 2021, it was reported that the Taliban is already sending letters to house churches saying, “We know who you are, and we’re coming for you.” The Antichrist will use beheadings as a terror tactic, and the Taliban does that too.

Here are some of my afterthoughts on Biden’s Afghan debacle.

Biden had a choice. He didn’t have to run. He was advised against it, but he did it anyway.

Biden has led America to defeat in the War on Terror, and his claim to love women and children is nothing more than a campaign slogan that he used to get elected (tell the women and children of Afghanistan that Biden loves them).

The Taliban, Iran and others will declare that Allah has given Islam a major victory over the Great Satan and be encouraged to fight harder (and Biden has just given them weapons worth many millions of dollars). They are surely blaspheming God, His name, and His people.

The success of radical Islam will increase the pressure on Israel and the Arabs to sign a peace treaty.

Israel must realize that she needs to rely on God, not America.

Biden has created a breeding ground for Islamic terrorists, and a borderless world is more dangerous than ever. (The security of the U.S. is threatened by America’s open border, and the Taliban won’t hesitate to cross it.)

It is clearer than ever that the Christian’s hope is the Rapture, not a better, stronger America.

As the world grows darker, the cries for a world leader to solve the world’s problems will grow louder.

God brought Afghanistan (and Babylon) down in a matter of hours, and He can bring the U.S. down in the blink of an eye if He wants.

The U.S. is led by people that are following Satan or it wouldn’t be supporting a godless world government, godless world religion, abortion, gay marriage, censoring Christian ministries, etc.

Biden raised the gay flag over our embassies, and the Taliban will probably take it down and raise their flag over our embassy.

There are many reasons to believe the lukewarm church needs to wake up, or God will eventually bring our sin-filled nation to its knees.

Here are some more reasons to believe that the Rapture is close.

One, deceit and lying have existed at least since God created Adam and Eve, but it will be common practice at the end of the age.

What could be more deceitful than deliberately spreading Covid-19 and blaming it on the unvaccinated?

Could it be internment camps to deliberately incarcerate the falsely accused unvaccinated?

This writer has seen several reports lately that the CDC is planning to have incarceration camps in every U.S. city.

Several sources have reported that on Aug. 6, 2021, TN Gov. Mike Lee signed an executive order authorizing the National Guard to seize unvaccinated people for incarceration.

Natural News reported that it has information that the CDC has been working with the University of Chicago to develop a plan to call homes in an effort to determine if there are any children between 6 months and 17 years in the home that have not been vaccinated.

The activation of incarceration camps in every U.S. city and perhaps a phone call to every household is very troubling.

It has also been reported that starting this month in New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco, people will not be allowed into restaurants, theaters, and several other venues without proof of vaccination.

This writer is far from knowledgeable on Covid-19 and the mutations or variants, but this is some of what I have read and the way I understand it:

The Covid-19 virus doesn’t want to be killed by a vaccine, so it tries to stay alive by mutating.

Some medical professionals believe the mutations are developing in and being spread by vaccinated people.

This explains why the world will never reach herd immunity (vaccinate so many people on earth that the spread of Covid-19 is unlikely). For whatever it is worth, about 2/3 of the new Covid cases in Israel are people that have been fully vaccinated.

Here is a repeat from my last week’s article with the addition of one sentence: we are seeing the global development and advancement of technology and policies that many excellent Bible prophecy teachers believe will lead to the Mark of the Beast (forced compliance, loss of one’s job, development of passports or passes, a demand for government databases to track people, a demand to prevent the unvaccinated from entering stores to buy or sell, the spread of anti-Christian rhetoric, etc.). We are seeing a preview of things to come and a warning from our merciful God (that knows what is going to happen before it happens) to be sure we are saved.

Two, concerning earthquakes:

On Aug. 11, 2021, a 7.1 quake struck off the coast of Mindanao, Philippines.

On Aug. 12, 2021, an 8.1 quake struck near the South Sandwich Islands (South Atlantic Ocean).

On Aug. 14, 2021, a 7.2 quake struck Haiti. Three days later, it was reported that 6,900 were injured, 1419 were killed, and 84,585 homes were damaged or destroyed.

On Aug. 14, 2021, a 6.9 quake struck in the Gulf of Alaska.

On Aug. 16, 2021, as Haiti was trying to deal with the 7.2 quake, Tropical Storm Grace was bearing down with strong winds and perhaps as much as 8 inches of rain (up to 15 inches and flooding in some areas).

Three, concerning an increase in frequency and intensity of natural disasters (like birth pains): on Aug. 14, 2021, The Moscow Times reported that Russia’s Pres. Vladimir Putin said the scale of natural disasters (floods, droughts, and forest fires) that have hit Russia this year is “absolutely unprecedented.”

According to the article, “Russian weather officials and environmentalists have linked the increasing intensity of Siberia’s annual fires to climate change.”

More:

On Aug. 15, it was reported that at least 51 people have been killed by floods and mudslides in Turkey.

On Aug. 16, the U.S. announced that the water level in Lake Mead is at the lowest level since the Hoover Dam was built in the 1930s, a water shortage on the Colorado River was declared, and it was announced that there will be water cut-backs in 2022. Farmers and ranchers will cut production.

Four, concerning the Battle of Gog and Magog: on Aug. 13, 2021, Monte Judah (Messianic World Update) said, “It is very clear that the IDF and the government of Israel is planning to attack Iran soon to stop the nuclear weapons program. This is evidenced by the fact that the IDF, the Air Force, has been running long-range bombing training missions with the nation of Greece, and they have been doing in-flight refueling and other things of that type with Benny Gantz, the Defense Minister, announcing and giving warnings to the U.S. and other nations that Israel is going to stop Iran if they continue to do it.”

FYI: Several pastors say they are being inundated with requests for a “Religious Exemption Letter.” Here is a link to a letter that Rock Harbor Church (Rev. Brandon Holthaus) is using, and it can be printed off:

RHC Religious Exemption for Vaccines and PCR Swabs.pdf

Finally, are you Rapture Ready?

If you want to be rapture ready and go to heaven, you must be born again (John 3:3). God loves you, and if you have not done so, sincerely admit that you are a sinner; believe that Jesus is the virgin-born, sinless Son of God who died for the sins of the world, was buried, and raised from the dead; ask Him to forgive your sins, cleanse you, come into your heart and be your Saviour; then tell someone that you have done this.

[fae-fucker]

Review: There's Magic Between Us

by Jillian Maria

A diehard city girl, 16-year-old Lydia Barnes is reluctant to spend a week in her grandma’s small town. But hidden beneath Fairbrooke’s exterior of shoddy diners and empty farms, there’s a forest that calls to her. In it, she meets Eden: blunt, focused, and fascinating. She claims to be hunting fae treasure, and while Lydia laughs it off at first, it quickly becomes obvious that Eden’s not joking—magic is real. Lydia joins the treasure hunt, thrilled by all the things it offers her. Things like endless places in the forest to explore and a friendship with Eden that threatens to blossom into something more. But even as she throws herself into her new adventure, some questions linger. Why did her mom keep magic a secret? Why do most of the townspeople act like the forest is evil? It seems that, as much as Lydia would like to pretend otherwise, not everything in Fairbrooke is as bright and easy as a new crush…

I received a digital copy of the book in exchange for a review.

And here it is! Nearly a month late because I’m bad at time :)

But hey, that means the book is already out and you can go get it! Wee!

Also, here’s my review of Jillian Maria’s other book, The Songbird’s Refrain.

This review contains no spoilers aside from stuff that you can probably assume from the blurb, such as the existence of the fae and magic. Duh. Anyway, onward!

So, I’m gonna be straight with you fam, not that I can be anything else, but to spare any potential author their feelings and maybe prevent them from reading the review, not that that would happen, I hope:

This book was not for me.

Now, that doesn’t mean it was bad. Far from it, I think it’s pretty much exactly what it’s advertised as and anyone who thinks they might enjoy it will defo enjoy it. It’s a polished work of art that’s professionally written and presented, on par with and often above a lot of traditionally published stuff, and if you want a fluffy magical sapphic YA romance, this is for you.

But it wasn’t for me. Or, at least, I don’t think I’m the target audience. I enjoyed reading it, don’t get me wrong, but my enjoyment was always lukewarm, like I wasn’t quite getting the full experience. And that’s more on me than the book.

I won’t structure this review the way I usually do, mainly because I feel like my problems with the book are all intertwined and stem from the same source, which is ... I’m not sure? Genre? Target audience? Intent? All of the above?

The writing still carries the same sort of easy-to-read style that was present in The Songbird’s Refrain, though the main characters’ voices are obviously vastly different.

Overall, I liked the writing on a technical level, and I’m once again impressed with the author’s ability to avoid swear words, though Lydia is a bit more of a potty-mouth than Elizabeth was.

Lydia has a clear personality and voice, and one of my problems is that maybe it was a little too clear at times.

I know how that sounds, but it could be a side-effect of the book’s target audience being teens. Both Lydia and Eden have extremely defined and spelled-out character arcs. Lydia is too reckless and spontaneous and needs to chill, Eden is too chill and calculating and needs to let loose. A fine concept in theory, a good mirroring for a romance, but here, its execution feels a bit like a checklist? It’s basically spelled out for us how one influences the other, the character acknowledge their own flaws and at the end note how the other has changed them for the better, rounded them out. It didn’t feel very natural, and I thought it would’ve been better to leave that stuff implied since it was already pretty obvious.

It doesn’t help that both Lydia and Eden are far, far too mature for any sixteen-year-old I’ve ever met. They both recognize and acknowledge their feelings as irrational and apologize exactly for what they’ve done wrong, which sure, maybe is feel-good and a positive influence upon a teen reading this, but for me just felt a bit unrealistic. My favorite part of the book was when Lydia and Eden had a fight and Lydia stomped off all pissy and Eden refused to apologize later. It showed them being teens, individuals, idiots, flawed people who are growing up and learning to deal with their emotions. And then it’s somewhat undercut by them both having perfect apologies afterward where they know exactly what they did wrong just based on intuition? Like, complete with “here’s what I did wrong and why that was bad of me.” Idk, maybe JM was a better person as a teen than I was.

I really can’t say a lot about the other characters. The heroes of the story were all defined and had motivations and flaws of their own, while the antagonists were either a faceless mob, a faeceless mob (get it?), or just a dude who shows up in the last chapters and then is immediately dealt with. Compared to the antagonists in TSR, these guys felt a little underwhelming. They were set up from earlier in the story, of course, but their inclusion still felt a bit last-minute instead of a natural progression and integration into the fabric of the story.

And, again, I get it. This isn’t about the villains or that conflict. This is about the love story and the familial bonds and everything else comes after. Which is fine, but not something I personally found very compelling.

I think my favorite character was Eden, because she was cranky and awkward and flawed to a degree that felt right. She made mistakes but had her reasons, she was unlikable at times, and she felt grief and remorse.

I also liked Lydia’s mother, who, despite being in fear or pain for a lot of her on-page presence, still loved her daughter fiercely. She felt a lot like a real parent, even if her and Lydia’s relationship was a bit too saccharine for me to fully get behind.

Now let’s talk about the plot, or rather, the pacing, which was my other big problem with the book. The first third is very slow, my dudes. It may have contributed to why it took me so long to finish the book, a lot of it is just Lydia faffing about. The book is very light on magic stuff in the beginning, and it would’ve been fine if it didn’t do a whole 180 at the end and turned into a low-fantasy menacing mystery, complete with the vague threat of a human-fae war. I would’ve liked to have seen less Lydia and Eden faffing about and more of that magic plot, and while I understand that the focus of the first third was character-building, it still could’ve been done with a more balanced spread of plot vs character interaction.

But here’s where my personal tastes cloud my judgment. I’m not a young teen, so maybe I don’t see the value in more compassionate and understanding teen characters who could serve as role models. I’m not a WLW, so maybe I don’t see the value in two girls faffing about looking for a magic stick in the forest. I’m not a fluff-enjoyer (whatever the proper word for that is), so maybe the universally loving and positive characters just don’t land as well for me.

I can’t say that I hated this book, because I didn’t. In fact, I really enjoyed the latter half of it. I thought the fae were cool and interesting and felt disappointed there weren’t more of them in the story. Despite my grumbling, I do still appreciate what the book tried to do with the comfortable and loving family relationships between the characters and their relatives. I can see how this could help other readers and make them feel seen or perhaps soothe them when they don’t have the same thing in their lives.

I can see what this book was going for. I respect it, and I respect the work and effort and love put into it. It oozes from every word like a warm, sweet sludge.

But I’m covered in goop now. And my hands are all sticky.

This wasn’t for me. But maybe it can be for you. If you want to read a sweet, magical and well-written gay YA romance, this is for you. It was specifically made for you, made for someone who craves this but doesn’t see enough of it. This book is important for what it represents and for what it is. And I hope with all my heart you love it as much as it deserves to be loved, as much as it loves you for reading it.

[natoshajacobs]

Reasons Why Peoples of US Voting for Trump

Here are some reasons why US peoples are voting for President Trump:

Trump did all of this while fighting flagrant abuse and impeachment charges.

“1. Trump recently signed three bills to benefit Native people. One gives compensation to the Spokane tribe for loss of their lands in the mid-1900s, one funds Native language programs, and the third gives federal recognition to the Little Shell Tribe of Chippewa Indians in Montana.

2. Trump finalized the creation of Space Force as our 6th Military branch.

3. Trump signed a law to make cruelty to animals a federal felony so that animal abusers face tougher consequences.

4. Violent crime has fallen every year he’s been in office after rising during the two years before he was elected.

5. Trump signed a bill making CBD and Hemp legal.

6. Trump’s EPA gave $100 million to fix the water infrastructure problem in Flint, Michigan.

7. Under Trump’s leadership, in 2018 the U.S. surpassed Russia and Saudi Arabia to become the world’s largest producer of crude oil.

8. Trump signed a law ending the gag orders on pharmacists that prevented them from sharing money-saving information.

9. Trump signed the “Allow States and Victims to Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act” (FOSTA), which includes the “Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act” (SESTA) which both give law enforcement and victims new tools to fight sex trafficking.

10. Trump signed a bill to require airports to provide spaces for breastfeeding moms.

11. The 25% lowest-paid Americans enjoyed a 4.5% income boost in November 2019, which outpaces a 2.9% gain in earnings for the country’s highest-paid workers.

12. Low-wage workers are benefiting from higher minimum wages and from corporations that are increasing entry-level pay.

13. Trump signed the biggest wilderness protection & conservation bill in a decade and designated 375,000 acres as protected land.

14. Trump signed the Save our Seas Act which funds $10 million per year to clean tons of plastic & garbage from the ocean.

15. He signed a bill this year allowing some drug imports from Canada so that prescription prices would go down.

16. Trump signed an executive order this year that forces all healthcare providers to disclose the cost of their services so that Americans can comparison shop and know how much less providers charge insurance companies. When signing that bill he said no American should be blindsided by bills for medical services they never agreed to in advance.

17. Hospitals will now be required to post their standard charges for services, which include the discounted price a hospital is willing to accept.

18. In the eight years prior to President Trump’s inauguration, prescription drug prices increased by an average of 3.6% per year. Under Trump, drug prices have seen year-over-year declines in nine of the last ten months, with a 1.1% drop as of the most recent month.

19. He created a White House VA Hotline to help veterans and principally staffed it with veterans and direct family members of veterans.

20. VA employees are being held accountable for poor performance, with more than 4,000 VA employees removed, demoted, and suspended so far.

21. Issued an executive order requiring the Secretaries of Defense, Homeland Security, and Veterans Affairs to submit a joint plan to provide veterans access to access to mental health treatment as they transition to civilian life.

22. Because of a bill signed and championed by Trump, in 2020, most federal employees will see their pay increase by an average of 3.1% — the largest raise in more than 10 years.

23. Trump signed into a law up to 12 weeks of paid parental leave for millions of federal workers.

24. Trump administration will provide HIV prevention drugs for free to 200,000 uninsured patients per year for 11 years.

25. All-time record sales during the 2019 holidays.

26. Trump signed an order allowing small businesses to group together when buying insurance to get a better price.

27. President Trump signed the Preventing Maternal Deaths Act that provides funding for states to develop maternal mortality reviews to better understand maternal complications and identify solutions & largely focuses on reducing the higher mortality rates for Black Americans.

28. In 2018, President Trump signed the groundbreaking First Step Act, a criminal justice bill which enacted reforms that make our justice system fairer and help former inmates successfully return to society. The First Step Act’s reforms addressed inequities in sentencing laws that disproportionately harmed Black Americans and reformed mandatory minimums that created unfair outcomes.

29. The First Step Act expanded judicial discretion in sentencing of non-violent crimes.

30. Over 90% of those benefiting from the retroactive sentencing reductions in the First Step Act are Black Americans.

31. The First Step Act provides rehabilitative programs to inmates, helping them successfully rejoin society and not return to crime.

32. Trump increased funding for historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCUs) by more than 14%.

33. Trump signed legislation forgiving Hurricane Katrina debt that threatened HBCUs.

34. New single-family home sales are up 31.6% in October 2019 compared to just one year ago.

35. Made HBCUs a priority by creating the position of executive director of the White House Initiative on HBCUs.

36. Trump received the Bipartisan Justice Award at a historically black college for his criminal justice reform accomplishments.

37. The poverty rate fell to a 17-year low of 11.8% under the Trump administration as a result of a jobs-rich environment.

38. Poverty rates for African-Americans and Hispanic-Americans have reached their lowest levels since the U.S. began collecting such data.

39. President Trump signed a bill that creates five national monuments, expands several national parks, adds 1.3 million acres of wilderness, and permanently reauthorizes the Land and Water Conservation Fund.

40. Trump’s USDA committed $124 Million to rebuild rural water infrastructure.

41. (Prior to the unexpected coronavirus pandemic] Consumer confidence & small business confidence is at an all time high.

42. (Prior to the unexpected coronavirus pandemic] More than 7 million jobs created since election.

43. [Prior to the unexpected coronavirus pandemic] More Americans were employed than ever recorded before in our history.

44. More than 400,000 manufacturing jobs created since his election.

45. Trump appointed five openly gay ambassadors.

46. Trump ordered Ric Grenell, his openly gay ambassador to Germany, to lead a global initiative to decriminalize homosexuality across the globe.

47. Through Trump’s Anti-Trafficking Coordination Team (ACTeam) initiative, Federal law enforcement more than doubled convictions of human traffickers and increased the number of defendants charged by 75% in ACTeam districts.

48. In 2018, the Department of Justice (DOJ) dismantled an organization that was the internet’s leading source of prostitution-related advertisements resulting in sex trafficking.

49. Trump’s OMB published new anti-trafficking guidance for government procurement officials to more effectively combat human trafficking.

50. Trump’s Immigration and Customs Enforcement’s Homeland Security Investigations arrested 1,588 criminals associated with Human Trafficking.

51. Trump’s Department of Health and Human Services provided funding to support the National Human Trafficking Hotline to identify perpetrators and give victims the help they need.

52. The hotline identified 16,862 potential human trafficking cases.

53. Trump’s DOJ provided grants to organizations that support human trafficking victims — serving nearly 9,000 cases from July 1, 2017, to June 30, 2018.

54. The Department of Homeland Security has hired more victim assistance specialists, helping victims get resources and support.

55. President Trump has called on Congress to pass school choice legislation so that no child is trapped in a failing school because of his or her zip code.

56. The President signed funding legislation in September 2018 that increased funding for school choice by $42 million.

57. The tax cuts signed into law by President Trump promote school choice by allowing families to use 529 college savings plans for elementary and secondary education.

58. Under his leadership ISIS has lost most of their territory and been largely dismantled.

59. ISIS leader Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi was killed.

60. Signed the first Perkins CTE reauthorization since 2006, authorizing more than $1 billion for states each year to fund vocational and career education programs.

61. Executive order expanding apprenticeship opportunities for students and workers.

62. Trump issued an Executive Order prohibiting the U.S. government from discriminating against Christians or punishing expressions of faith.

63. Signed an executive order that allows the government to withhold money from college campuses deemed to be anti-Semitic and who fail to combat anti-Semitism.

64. President Trump ordered a halt to U.S. tax money going to international organizations that fund or perform abortions.

65. Trump imposed sanctions on the socialists in Venezuela who have killed their citizens.

66. Finalized new trade agreement with South Korea.

67. Made a deal with the European Union to increase U.S. energy exports to Europe.

68. Withdrew the U.S. from the job killing TPP deal.

69. Secured $250 billion in new trade and investment deals in China and $12 billion in Vietnam.

70. Okay’d up to $12 billion in aid for farmers affected by unfair trade retaliation.

71. Has had over a dozen US hostages freed, including those Obama could not get freed.

72. Trump signed the Music Modernization Act, the biggest change to copyright law in decades.

73. Trump secured billions that will fund the building of a wall at our southern border.

74. The Trump Administration is promoting second chance hiring to give former inmates the opportunity to live crime-free lives and find meaningful employment.

75. Trump’s DOJ and the Board Of Prisons launched a new “Ready to Work Initiative” to help connect employers directly with former prisoners.

76. President Trump’s historic tax cut legislation included new Opportunity Zone Incentives to promote investment in low-income communities across the country.

77. 8,764 communities across the country have been designated as Opportunity Zones.

78. Opportunity Zones are expected to spur $100 billion in long-term private capital investment in economically distressed communities across the country.

79. Trump directed the Education Secretary to end Common Core.

80. Trump signed the 9/11 Victims Compensation Fund into law.

81. Trump signed measure funding prevention programs for Veteran suicide.

82. Companies have brought back over a TRILLION dollars from overseas because of the TCJA bill that Trump signed.

83. [Prior to the coronavirus pandemic] manufacturing jobs were growing at the fastest rate in more than 30 years.

84. [Prior to the coronavirus pandemic] the stock market reached record highs.

85. [Prior to the coronavirus pandemic] Median household income hit highest level ever recorded.

86. ( Prior to the coronavirus pandemic] African-American unemployment is at an all time low.

87. [Prior to the coronavirus pandemic] Hispanic-American unemployment is at an all time low.

88. [Prior to the coronavirus pandemic] Asian-American unemployment is at an all time low.

89. [Prior to the coronavirus pandemic] women’s unemployment rate was at a 65-year low.

90. [Prior to the coronavirus pandemic] Youth unemployment is at a 50-year low.

91. [Prior to the coronavirus pandemic] We had the lowest unemployment rate ever recorded.

92. The Pledge to America’s Workers has resulted in employers committing to train more than 4 million Americans.

93. [Prior to the coronavirus pandemic] 95 percent of U.S. manufacturers are optimistic about the future — the highest ever.

94. [Prior to the coronavirus pandemic] As a result of the Republican tax bill, small businesses will have the lowest top marginal tax rate in more than 80 years.

95. Record number of regulations eliminated that hurt small businesses.

96. Signed welfare reform requiring able-bodied adults who don’t have children to work or look for work if they’re on welfare.

97. Under Trump, the FDA approved more affordable generic drugs than ever before in history.

98. Reformed Medicare program to stop hospitals from overcharging low-income seniors on their drugs — saving seniors 100’s of millions of $$$ this year alone.

99. Signed Right-To-Try legislation allowing terminally ill patients to try experimental treatment that wasn’t allowed before.

100. Secured $6 billion in new funding to fight the opioid epidemic.

101. Signed VA Choice Act and VA Accountability Act, 97.Expanded VA telehealth services, walk-in-clinics, and same-day urgent primary and mental health care.

102. U.S. oil production recently reached all-time high so we are less dependent on oil from the Middle East.

103. The U.S. is a net natural gas exporter for the first time since 1957.

104. NATO allies increased their defense spending because of his pressure campaign.

105. Withdrew the United States from the job-killing Paris Climate Accord in 2017 and that same year the U.S. still led the world by having the largest reduction in Carbon emissions.

106. . Has his circuit court judge nominees being confirmed faster than any other new administration.

107. . Had his Supreme Court Justice’s Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh confirmed.

108. Moved U.S. Embassy in Israel to Jerusalem.

109. Agreed to a new trade deal with Mexico & Canada that will increase jobs here and $$$ coming in.

110. Reached a breakthrough agreement with the E.U. to increase U.S. exports.

111. Imposed tariffs on China in response to China’s forced technology transfer, intellectual property theft, and their chronically abusive trade practices, has agreed to a Part One trade deal with China.

112. Signed legislation to improve the National Suicide Hotline.

113. Signed the most comprehensive childhood cancer legislation ever into law, which will advance childhood cancer research and improve treatments.

114. The Tax Cuts and Jobs Act signed into law by Trump doubled the maximum amount of the child tax credit available to parents and lifted the income limits so more people could claim it. It also created a new tax credit for other dependents.

115. In 2018, President Trump signed into law a $2.4 billion funding increase for the Child Care and Development Fund, providing a total of $8.1 billion to States to fund child care for low-income families.

116. The Child and Dependent Care Tax Credit (CDCTC) signed into law by Trump provides a tax credit equal to 20–35% of child care expenses, $3,000 per child & $6,000 per family + Flexible Spending Accounts (FSAs) allow you to set aside up to $5,000 in pre-tax $ to use for child care.

117. In 2019 President Donald Trump signed the Autism Collaboration, Accountability, Research, Education and Support Act (CARES) into law which allocates $1.8 billion in funding over the next five years to help people with autism spectrum disorder and to help their families.

118. In 2019 President Trump signed into law two funding packages providing nearly $19 million in new funding for Lupus specific research and education programs, as well an additional $41.7 billion in funding for the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the most Lupus funding EVER.

119. Another upcoming accomplishment to add: In the next week or two Trump will be signing the first major anti-robocall law in decades called the TRACED Act (Telephone Robocall Abuse Criminal Enforcement and Deterrence.) Once it’s the law, the TRACED Act will extend the period of time the FCC has to catch & punish those who intentionally break telemarketing restrictions. The bill also requires voice service providers to develop a framework to verify calls are legitimate before they reach your phone.

120. [Prior to the coronavirus pandemic] US stock market continually hit all-time record highs.

Please explain to me why anyone would have a problem with OUR president? Because he has misspoke a few times? Tell me when you find a perfect person, please….I’ll wait!

The media has painted him in a negative light and has under-reported or ignored his accomplishments. He is the best president we ever had.

If you are a true TRUMP supporter then you can get this GOLD AND SILVER PLATED PRESIDENT TRUMP 2020 COIN FREE : CLICK HERE

[teaveetamer]

My Issues With TFioS (and Other Elements of John Green)

Alright I’m just going to preface this with two things.

It’s been about six years since I’ve read the entire thing through, so my points are probably not going to be as detailed or precise as they were when I first read it.

If you enjoyed the book, identify with the fanbase, or like John Green in any capacity... Great! You might want to skip this one. This is definitely not the post for you. I’m going to put all of my more controversial thoughts under the cut so if you don’t want to see them you can just move on.

I brought up the book in that other post because I felt it had relevance to the discussion of “authors using characters as a mouthpiece”, but that’s only a small part of my issue with the book itself. I suppose I could have used a fanfiction example, since there’s more than enough fodder there, but I brought up The Fault in our Stars specifically because I feel comfortable criticizing a book in a way that I don’t feel comfortable criticizing fan works. John Green is a public figure that produced a paid product, made money, and does this professionally, while most fanfic authors are amateurs that provide free entertainment and just do it for fun.

Now with that said, we move on to the meat of the post.

Some Background

Perhaps this is not a little known fact, but I absolutely adore love stories. I don’t have incredibly high standards for them by any means, and in fact I actively enjoy them even when they aren’t the deepest, most thought provoking pieces. Someone got me a copy of Red, White, and Royal Blue for my birthday this year and I read the entire thing cover to cover in a day (and I seriously recommend if you’re looking for a pretty easy read with a lot of gay).

The only thing I love more than love stories? Tragic love stories, of course. If anyone has followed my fanfiction or main blog for any amount of time then you know that I love a little bit of tragedy. Usually with a happy ending, but not always. So when one of my friends shoved (and I mean literally shoved) The Fault in Our Stars  into my hands and billed it as a “tragic but heartwarming love story” I thought it would be perfect for me.

I was sixteen at the time, the target age demographic, and I was always looking for books with smart, well written teen characters. At this point in my life I’d never heard of John Green or his fanbase before. I tell you this because I disliked the book as I read it, but I think John Green and his fanbase are a major factor in why I disliked it so much I’m willing to sit down and write a blog post about it six years later. Granted, that’s not all on the book, but it is a factor.

Needless to say, I was not all that impressed by it. At some points I was downright infuriated, really.

My Issues With the Book

In summary, it feels very meh and overly pretentious. After about two chapters I just wanted to put it down, and the only reason I pushed through is because my friend insisted that it got better. She said it was funny, relatable, and intelligent, but I found it to be none of these things.

The impression I got was that the author, whoever he was, fancied himself terribly clever and he wanted everyone to know it. You know the type, the kinds of people that go around and assure everyone of how smart they are? It feels like it was made for haughty teens to brag about how intelligent they were because they read a “deep” book.  The book itself, despite being a surface level of “witty”, didn’t really have anything to say. In the end it reads like a thirty-something year old man bragging about how smart he is and waxing philosophical about the nature of life (and... Breakfast food..?) and using a fictional teenage girl to do it.

That’s why I brought up the “mouthpiece” thing. I didn’t want to read a book about a thirty-something dressing up his thoughts as a teenage girl. I wanted to read a book about a teenage girl.

Speaking of Hazel Grace… I don’t know if this is a common experience, but can anyone else tell when a man writes a female character? I find that I usually can. Men have a particular voice when they write, and especially when they write women. Every single page hammered me over the head with the fact that this was a man who was trying (and, in my opinion, failing miserably) to write a relatable teenage girl. And, in my opinion, he parroted a lot of very upsetting, dangerous mentalities for young women.

There were quite a few “I’m not like other girls, and not just because of the cancer!” moments (a mentality that I find wholly problematic coming from other women, let alone a man writing for a woman) that just had me rolling my eyes straight out of their sockets. She doesn’t care about shoes, see! She reads books! Isn’t that awesome and unique? Because, apparently, women are not allowed to do both.

These problematic mentalities extend into the book’s romance plot, too. Augustus is, frankly, one of the creepiest motherfuckers I’ve ever had the displeasure to read about. Not only is his aggressive creepiness portrayed as romantic, but Hazel reacts exactly how men wish women would react to their advances. Unfortunately I don’t have a copy of the book in front of me so you won’t get much in the way of direct quotes, but some examples include:

He stares at her, completely unblinking, for the duration of their cancer kids support group meeting… before they’ve even so much as spoken a word to each other. Which also features this gem of a quote: "A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy . . . well." which just perpetuates the disgusting misconception that women are okay with being creeped on as long as a guy is attractive. Spoiler alert: We fucking aren’t.

He repeatedly refers to Hazel as “Hazel Grace”, despite her introducing herself as “Hazel” and asking him to just call her “Hazel”. And not only does he ask for her full name, he demands she give it to him. This rings all kinds of alarm bells for me, because you know who else does that kind of shit? Christian Grey. And it’s manipulative, disrespectful, and downright rude. It is essentially saying “I hear your desires, but I would prefer to address you how I want to address you, not how you would like to be addressed, because my ego is more important than your comfort”.

Hazel is perfectly fine with getting into a complete stranger’s car and spending time at his house mere minutes after meeting with him and after all of the questionable shit he just pulled.

Continuing this book’s litany of problems with women, let’s talk about Isaac’s (ex)girlfriend. The book treats their breakup as this massive betrayal, then even goes on to justify vandalizing her property because of it.

I’m sorry, but no.

You, as an autonomous human being, have the right to end a relationship with someone else whenever, wherever, and for whatever reasons you designate, regardless of previously expressed emotions or promises. How and when she did it was not the most ideal, but she’s an emotionally immature teenager, and there’s never going to be a good time to do something like this. What was she supposed to do, keep pity dating him because she felt sorry for him? Wait until someone invented technology to cure blindness? Assuming she did actually break up with him because of his disability… Are her reasons shitty? Sure. But she’s allowed to have them.

And you know what? He’s allowed to be mad about it. His anger might be completely understandable, if not totally justified. But you know what else? That does not give him the right to take revenge on her by vandalizing her property.

I would have no problem with this scene if it were honest about what it was: a bunch of teenagers with under-developed frontal lobes that are angry and feeling vindictive. But it’s not that. It’s depicted as not only completely justified, but heroic. I’m sorry, no. You are never heroic for harassing another human being.

And Augustus’s dumb little speech to her mom is such garbage. You really expect me to believe that a grown woman was so pwned by some jerk teenager’s super witty justification for destroying her property that she just went inside and, idk, watched TV? Didn’t call the police to report the crime that he and his friends were actively committing against her? Bullshit.

Speaking of bullshit, that scene is pretty egregious, but that doesn’t even begin to cover my issues with this book’s pretentious dialogue. If you told me that they ran every word in this book through Thesaurus.com then I would believe you without hesitation. The one hook, the draw, the thing that kept me reading was supposed to be the relatable characters, but they just aren’t relatable. They’re not realistic in the slightest. Seriously, go read any line of this book out loud and tell me how ridiculous you feel. I kept expecting Augustus to pull off his skinsuit and reveal that he was secretly a robot trying to imitate human speech the entire time.

I’m not sure how far I can go into this point without giving you direct quotes, but half the stuff that comes out of these characters mouths is pseudo-intellectual nonsense. “Put the killing thing between your teeth so it can’t kill you”?

It’s not a metaphor.

Putting an unlit cigarette in your mouth is still stupid. I guess it won’t give you lung cancer, but really? It’s still not a great idea.

Augustus has to go buy these cigarettes, which means he’s actively going out and giving money to an industry that has been funding pseudoscience and suppressing health initiatives that would prevent people from suffering what he did (i.e. fucking cancer).

Here’s a clue: Tobacco companies don’t actually care about what you do with the cigarettes. Their transaction stops as soon as you put the money in their hands. I could purchase a hundred packs and throw them in the garbage, and the only thing they know is that they got about $600 from me. Way to “stick it to the man”, asshole. You’re not clever.

With the exception of the Isaac’s-girlfriend thing, all of that is in chapters 1-4, by the way. This book turned me off so thoroughly that early.

So by the time the Amsterdam trip rolled around I was already not enjoying this book, but then this thing happened and it was just the final nail in the coffin for me. You probably know what I’m talking about already, but if you don’t… The Anne Frank Museum kiss.

I honestly cannot even articulate how incredibly tasteless and disrespectful I find the entire thing, and not only does that happen, but it’s followed by an r/ThatHappened “and then everybody stood up and clapped!” Seriously?

There are smarter, more well-versed people than me that have covered this topic, so I’ll leave the analysis for why that’s all kinds of wrong to them.

Those are really my big gripes, though there’s a few smaller ones (like Augustus throwing a pre-funeral like are you a psychopath? Why would you put the people you love through that???) that I’m not going to touch on because they weren’t all that instrumental in putting me off. Instead I’ll move on to the external factors.

The Fanbase

So I finished the book, a little miffed at having just wasted my time, and immediately told my friend that I didn’t like it much, and that I would be returning her copy the next day. Feeling pretty meh-to-slightly-negative about it, but whatever, it happens.

I was essentially met with “wow I can’t believe you didn’t get it.” and “Oh well maybe you’ll finally understand how deep it is when you’re older” from my friend. Which is really just one step away from the wow can’t you read?! BS that I’ve been seeing more and more frequently these days. So immediately I was pissed. All that aside, I was sixteen, the target age demographic? If I didn’t ‘get it’ then John Green was doing a pretty piss poor job of conveying what it is.

So I went online seeking something. Either validation that I wasn’t wrong and that I didn’t miss the point, the book just wasn’t great, or an explanation of what this it was that I’d missed. And let me tell you... Spotting a negative opinion of this book was like looking for a unicorn. There were a few, and many of them were met with the same kind of thing I had experienced. Vitriol, insistence that they were stupid or that they didn’t get it (again, with no explanation of what it was), and, apparently, a lot of harassment and threats.

I discovered that John Green’s target audience had a tendency to be… A bit obsessive. Lots of young, impressionable teenagers that were willing to jump on an opposing opinion with zealous outrage. If I had any interest in pursuing any of John Green’s other works or John Green as an internet personality any further, then it died in that moment. Absolutely nothing turns me off like a rabid, spiteful fanbase.

Now by this point I was already in the rabbit hole, and I began encountering a lot of criticisms of John Green and the things he’s said and done in the past. I did not like what I found.

John Green Himself

To be extremely blunt, the guy put such a bad taste in my mouth that it retroactively soured my opinion of The Fault in Our Stars even more. Since this is a post about my opinions on the book, I’m only going to be discussing things that affected my view at the time I read it. These are all things that happened six years ago, and I have no idea what this man has been up to or what he’s said about any of these topics since.

Let’s just get this out of the way… John Green writes the same book over and over. There’s always a quirky, nerdy white boy that is invariably cisgendered, and almost always straight. He is always an outcast with only a few friends, though apparently never directly bullied. He always meets an edgy girl that he falls in love with the idea of. Usually there is a road trip somewhere in there too.

The Fault in our Stars admittedly doesn’t follow the exact same framework, but it’s close enough in a lot of ways. Instead of the Quirky, Too-Smart-For-His-Own-Good cisboi being the PoV character, it’s the love interest (Hazel also fits this description, albeit a female version). Hazel and Augustus are both still outcasts. Hazel is attracted to Augustus because he’s Deep and Edgy and A Little Larger Than Life. The road trip is a flight to Amsterdam.

Looking at the man... Yeah the entire premise starts to come off as some weird self-insert fanfiction. I can feel the “I was a quirky, bullied teen and I wish this is how my high school life had been!” energy coming through absolutely every pore and every molecule of ink. Every character reads like John Green. John Green has written book after book and the main character always appears to be John Green in a slightly different teenage skinsuit.

And that’s fine, I guess. A little lazy, but I guess it’s working for him since he’s making hella bank? It’s certainly not enough to put me off the guy, just not something I’m interested in reading, and not something I find compelling.

What put me off for good were some of his comments. Dude skeeves me the fuck out. I’ll just go over some of the highlights I found at the time, and why they upset me so much when I heard them.

“Nerd girls are the world's most underutilized romantic resource.”

As a nerdy girl that has been stalked and harassed by men because I’m “good girlfriend material” (aka I like video games and traditionally masculine stuff and I’m pretty! I must be a unicorn!), this statement is disgusting.

I don’t care if it was a joke. I don’t care if he wasn’t being serious. This is the kind of shit that men think is a compliment because they think it makes “quirky” girls feel “unique” and “special”, but that “complement” is also an insult. You know why? Because it makes female interests all about how men perceive their sexual or romantic viability.

John Green’s penchant for writing “special” and “unique” girls (while simultaneously shaming “typical” girls, but I’ll get to that in the next point) and depicting them as the ideal woman just reaffirms my feelings about this quote. I think, on some level, John Green has no idea why this is such a bad take. And that’s not even getting into the fact that he called human beings resources. Women are not objects that exist to be a plot device or for your gratification. Fuck right off with that shit.

“She was incredibly hot, in that popular-girl-with-bleached-teeth-and-anorexia kind of way, which was Colin’s least favourite way of being hot”

This is just one quote of many that shames people with eating disorders and weight problems (on both ends of the spectrum, “too fat” and “too skinny”. Another fun one being: “there’s the weird culturally-constructed definition of hot, which means ‘that individual is malnourished, and has probably had plastic bags inserted into her breasts.’")

Know what this line is? It’s called “negging”, and it’s a popular tactic of incels because it works. You make someone seek your approval by intentionally giving them backhanded compliments to undermine their self esteem. The idea is that the more you insult them, the harder they’ll work to try and impress you. It doesn’t work on everyone, but you know who it does tend to work on? Insecure younger people (usually girls). You know who John Green’s target audience is? Insecure teenage girls.

As for the actual substance of the quote… I hate it. He’s shaming a woman for the choices she makes over her appearance. Which are, fun fact, none of his damn business. Also the idea that “skinny” and “anorexic” somehow need to go hand in hand is just wrong, insulting women for a mental health disorder they have no control over is offensive, and using a serious mental health disorder (did you know that anorexia is the most deadly mental health condition?) as an insult is disgusting.

Coming back to my earlier point about shaming “normal” girls, this quote is just the tip of the iceberg. He repeatedly shames women in his books for looking or behaving “typically”, while quirky girls are lauded as the ideal. Quirky girls are “weird and interesting” and normal girls are “boring”. If this was intended as a compliment, it’s a shitty one. If you have to shame one group to make another feel better, it is not a compliment. You are lowering all women when you pull that shit. You teach them that in order to feel good about themselves another group has to be made to feel worse.

And hey, maybe the pretty girl likes her teeth bleached because it makes her feel confident? Why can’t bleached teeth girl and anime t-shirt girl both be beautiful and unique and confident in their own right? Why is it “powerful” for anime t-shirt girl to wear her nerdy clothes, but scorn-worthy for bleached teeth girl to like bleaching her teeth?

What John Green is doing is simply replacing one ideal (skinny pretty girl) with another (quirky cute girl), and then he pretends like his version is somehow “woke” because it’s not based on physical appearance (though all of the women in his books are also physically attractive. Hmmm. Guess “nerd girls” are only “viable resources” when they aren’t hard to look at?).

And trust me, I’ve been down this path. I’ve been taken in by guys who try to make me feel ~special~ by putting down other women, and it leads to absolutely nothing good. It doesn’t make you feel better. It just makes you feel angry and resentful, and that’s not a place you want to be in. In fact, this was a mentality I had recently escaped from around the time I picked up this book. Seeing someone with as much influence as John Green parroting this specific brand of toxic shit to exactly the audience that would be most likely to feed into it? I was never going to be able to like the guy, sorry.

I know some people are able to “separate the art from the artist”, and I might have been willing to do that had the book actually been good… but it wasn’t. So in the end the book just looked worse for all of the author’s shortcomings.

So yeah, in summary: The book was mediocre at best, the author pushed all of my angry feminist buttons, and elements of the fanbase were annoying, condescending, and spiteful. I didn’t like the book in the first place due to the myriad of problems plaguing it, but everything else just made it look so much worse in hindsight.

Anyways, this probably got kind of ranty, but it was cathartic and I did make this blog to vent about dumb stuff. I think this qualifies.

[heartsofstrangers]

What has been one of the most challenging things you’ve experienced or are currently experiencing?

“I think, to date, probably coming out to my parents and family has been the most challenging thing for sure.

Tell me about that.

“I did it at age thirty-five and, in the back of my mind, I thought it would be scripted. I thought it would have a sit-down meeting, it would go as planned, and that’s not how it happened at all. I was going through some issues in the gay community and, being very close to my parents, it sucked not to be able to call them and talk to them about it. I was driving down the Loop on the way back to work, and I had this overwhelming feeling, it was like I was on autopilot, and I just picked up the phone and let it fly. Leading up to that point, that was obviously something I thought about every day, living a double life, sort to speak, which is tough, especially when you’re close to your family.”

What kind of toll did that take on you, mentally and physically?

“In retrospect, I wasn’t living my authentic self. Part of that was corporate America, I wasn’t happy. I had great relationships with friends, but personal relationships, dating-wise, it was kind of interesting because I was happy but, at the same time, I wasn’t. I was living a duality.”

What do you think kept you in the closet for so long?

“Fear. Everybody who’s close to me and know my parents very well knew it wasn’t going to be as big as I always made it out to be. Also, I think I had internal struggles with other things that prevented me as well.”

Like what?

“Other demons that were hiding in the closet with me. I was sexually abused as a child twice. The first time, I was three or four, and the second time, I was eleven. It was in a Boy Scout setting. The first time didn’t resurface until the second time it happened, because I didn’t understand what was going on the first time. I still think about it daily. I’ve always been asked the question if being sexually abused turned me gay. I don’t believe that at all. I believe that you’re gay, it’s the way you’re born. It’s a genetic thing. It certainly didn’t help growing up that way. It was almost as if when I came out of the closet, I was born again and shed everything that I was holding onto in the past. It’s helped. It’s not like it’s gone, but I have a different relationship with it. Getting to know my demons versus keeping them in the closet, understanding them and developing a relationship with them.”

It sounds like it’s changed the dynamic of the relationship you have with your demons. Would you still consider them demons at this point, now that you’ve accepted them?

“They’re more like life experiences. Demonizing your demons is still looking at them in a negative way (and it was a negative experience), but if you don’t love your demons, you’re never going to fully embrace them because that’s who you are. I am myself today because of the experiences I’ve had in the past, as is everyone else. Coming out to my parents was the hardest thing, but also the best thing. I tend to have duality in my life always.”

How so?

“I don’t know if it’s being a Gemini, but there’s always a duality to everything I do. It’s not always black and white.”

How did the sexual abuse impact your childhood?

“I had an idyllic childhood growing up on a farm, great family, there’s the duality again, but then I had issues with intimacy and touch. I still struggle with that today. I’ll never forget, I loved basketball growing up and my parents sent me to this basketball camp. Every year, I’d be excited to go and the year after it happened the second time, I was there for two days and had to come home. Being intimate with coaches patting me on the back freaked me out. It was very uncomfortable. That’s the first time I personally realized the impact it was having. I joke that I went to Catholic school and learned about discrimination at a very young age, being non-Catholic in a Catholic school. That was kind of a blessing because I developed thick skin. I had to in order to protect myself in a Catholic school. That carried over into life. I would say the biggest impact it had was on intimacy. There was anger. I would bully kids. It was me lashing out with my anger. Thankfully, that went away. I would say, in retrospect, that was where that came from. That was during a time when everything was swept under the rug. We told the authorities, but it was kind of left at that, and it was never discussed again. I should have probably been in therapy immediately following.”

So, your parents knew?

“Yeah. They knew about the second time. At that point, this was the most recent and most important, and it reopened the first time.”

Was it the same person?

“No. The first time, it was a family friend and he was in his late teens, early twenties. I was very confused and didn’t know what the heck was going on. Like I said, the second time was a boy scout leader, he continued doing it in the community, and finally he was caught at the Nazarene church doing it to a three-year-old.”

Wow. You mentioned anger and bullying your peers. Did you feel anger towards your assailant? Did you ever have to come to terms with looking at that and trying to find forgiveness or compassion?

“I didn’t at the time, but in early adulthood in my twenties, I did. I was still dating women. I did question ‘is this the reason why I am the way I am, is this the reason I struggle with relationships’? Yeah, that made me angry because I see everyone else living ‘normal lives’ and I didn’t have that. Once I came out of the closet to my parents, all the anger went away. I think that was the last step to owning my shit and loving my shit because we all have shit. That was the last step of recognizing my demons, getting to know my demons intimately, understanding them, and developing a relationship with them.”

It sounds like there was a level of shame for years around your demons, and through sharing them, and being accepted and embraced by the people closest to you, it kind of released that.

“It did and it’s so fucked up because there’s a level of guilt because you ask yourself did that really happen? You question—although I can vividly remember it—but you ask yourself ‘is that really bad?’ Of course it’s bad, but your mind goes through that process. You compartmentalize it, which is another interesting thing. That’s why therapy probably would have been beneficial, to work through it with a professional.”

Did you ever feel that when you went to your parents, they had any sort of shame? Sometimes situations like that, depending on the kind of community you live in and the level of prestige or status your family might have, or how important that is to them.

“I think they dealt with it the best they knew how, which was not to deal with it. In my community, anything that was (I don’t know that I’d call it scandalous) hard or challenging wasn’t really talked about, and a lot of that was the era and the time. In today’s world, it would probably be completely different. I think a lot of that comes with technology and communication. We’re all so interconnected now that people can hear other people’s stories, and there’s a point of reference to go off of. I can’t imagine a parent . . . what’s your point of reference, unless it happened to you. That’s why I think what you’re doing is so important because it’s giving people a point of reference.”

Thank you. So, what was the relationship like with your parents? If they really didn’t do anything, although you said that they reported it to the authorities.

“I’ll never forget because I was eavesdropping on the phone call. They called the head scoutmaster and, what’s even crazier, is this was affiliated with my church. I listened to the conversation and basically the head scoutmaster said ‘we’ll look into it and blah, blah, blah’ and, honestly, after that, it kind of went away. There were other scouts that went through the same thing. I wasn’t the only one. Obviously, the guy was a serious pedophile. I had peers who were going through the same thing but, again, we didn’t talk about it. There was a lot of shame and guilt associated with it.”

The quality of your relationship with your parents during that time in your life, even before that, what was it like?

“It’s bizarre . . . it was great. Everything was ‘normal’ and I guess, as humans, we have the ability to compartmentalize and lock something away, and that’s when it starts festering.”

And, you never know when it comes out and it can be a whole series of things, not just that one thing that comes out.

“Right.”

It sounds like the second instance where it was happening triggered memories of the first, and then you talked about coming out at age thirty-five, and that also being a release in a way or an awakening of a new chapter. You also talked about dating women. What was it like having relationships with women, knowing that was not authentically who you were?

“As bizarre as this sounds, it was normal because, again, I had zero point of reference of being gay, having grown up in a small town in West Texas. I had no peers who were gay, although there probably were, but they were in the same situation as I was. I knew the act of dating and being in a relationship with a girl was normal, but it didn’t feel normal to me, if that makes sense. I felt like I was like everyone else by doing it, but I knew, in my heart of hearts, that’s not who I was. It wasn’t until my mid-to-late twenties that I started realizing I was not only affecting myself, but affecting someone else’s life. That was a lot of personal growth for me, knowing that I could do that. I think through the process of being empathetic, I’ve developed a deep level of empathy for all. I think when I really started homing in on empathy is when I came to the realization that I can get married because I’m supposed to, but that’s not only going to affect me and my family, but it’s going to affect another family as well. I think that was a turning point for me that it was time to do this.”

I’m guessing that it must have felt like the pressure was building as each year past and that secret remained, and it just gets harder and harder.

“Hell yeah. Family holidays . . . I would dread—girlfriend, marriage, and it’s so nice not to have to deal with that … so nice. I think too I’m happy that we’re at a place that people can be who they are. There are still going to be assholes out there but, for the most part, we’re coming to a point in time where it’s okay to just be.”

Regardless of what your sexuality is, I think just being who you are in general and finding your identity and sharing it with the world in an authentic way is a courageous act and it’s also met with rejection, ridicule, and criticism. It’s part of the recipe for anyone outside of the gay community as well.

“Once I started to get to know and embrace my demons, everything else went away, my insecurities in general. I’m completely happy with who I am and there’s not anything and, sometimes I wonder if it’s to a fault because you can’t go through life saying ‘I don’t care,’ because I do care. At the same time, what other people think of me, except for people that I care about, of course, I want them to have positive impressions and feelings towards me. For the most part, I’m not going to let what people think of me affect my life”

It sounds like what you’re saying is that it doesn’t change the way that you value or perceive your self-worth, someone’s ability to see that or define it, doesn’t change the way that you define yourself as being worthy and of value.

“Yes, right.”

That’s important because I think the society and culture that we live in today is self-hinged on other’s approval of us, whether it’s through social media or through social interactions in public, it’s constant, almost being appraised by others and having that dictate who we are and how valuable we are as a human being.

“If you think about it, that typically is not your authentic self. You’re masking your demons and presenting an altered version of yourself to society by doing that. I think that’s why authenticity resonates with me. I kind of feel there’s a movement of authenticity and that’s why you see it all the time, which is good, but I think there’s a long way to go. You look at social media, and a lot of it is not authentic. At the same time, there are people that are yearning for authenticity and I’m happy that I’m seeing it more and more.”

Would you say that embracing vulnerability is a part of being authentic?

“Yeah, definitely it’s a part of it. I think that’s probably one of the hardest things for people to do. It’s protectionism. When you’re vulnerable, you’re completely exposed and I think we’re taught not to be. We’re taught to protect ourselves, but I think until you can become truly vulnerable, you’re not living your authentic life because that’s a big part of it.”

Tell me about your teenage years, in school, you’ve had this experience. Did you go to a special high school?

“No, I went to public junior high and high school. Junior high was definitely awkward. Again, I didn’t really feel like I fit in. I had a great experience in high school, and a lot of that was through sports. Playing sports—there was a sense of community and team. I had that commonality with people in sports, whereas in junior high, you’re awkward in junior high any way. But, holding on to that, that was tough. Junior high was tough. It’s interesting because I would say that I would consider myself a bully when I was in Catholic school, and that was when being the only non-Catholic in a Catholic school, being different, and the fact that I felt different because I was gay and because of the sexual abuse. That was a triple whammy.”

That’s a lot of layers of separation.

“Yeah. High school was what I would consider normal. I was happy in high school. I think I’ve been very fortunate that I’ve never really experienced deep depression. There’s sadness, but I think mine manifested in anger more than sadness.”

Would you say that’s because anger is an easier emotion to feel or express, or because being a man that’s more encouraged?

“I think environmentally speaking, growing up in West Texas, cowboys, farmers, macho, I think that it was probably my environment. You didn’t see a lot of sadness. I really never saw a lot of sadness.”

Did you ever see your father cry?

“No . . . maybe at his dad’s funeral, but it was brief. I saw my mom cry. I think that had something to do with it as well. I was angry . . . I was angry.”

Where did that anger lead you towards? Were you self-destructive? Were you hurtful towards other people?

“No. I was never self-destructive. I was a verbal and emotional bully; it was never physical. I think sometimes I would pull away, isolation.”

Sometimes anger can help us through that because anger pushes people away. That anger discharges our pain.

“I’ve also been fiercely independent and I think that’s probably where it stems from. Again, some people say I’m a social person, but I sometimes feel that I’m a loner, as well. Sometimes, I find solace in being alone and reflective of my thoughts. Yeah, I’ve always been like that.”

So, you had kind of a normal junior high and high school experience. Did you go on to college and what does that look like?

“Again, it was normal. I was in a fraternity. I was very active in student organizations and had good grades, which is remarkable because I had ADHD, which I didn’t figure out until after college when I had my first job. Excessive partying, I don’t think that was a manifestation of anger. I think it was a product of being in college, because your buddies were doing it as well. I think the biggest hang up I’ve had until coming out was being honest with myself about being gay. It’s amazing the trajectory of my life once I owned it; it has completely changed.”

How so? What were some of the shifts that you saw?

“From a professional standpoint, I felt like I was a hamster in a wheel. Corporate—that’s just not me. I really don’t like structure. I don’t follow rules very well. It’s not like I’m anti-follow rules. It’s just that my mind doesn’t see the value that other people see in following rules. You might wonder where that comes from. Overall, when you love yourself and you’re doing what you love, it’s just natural for the trajectory and overall quality of your life to improve. I think me coming out was directly related to that. I certainly wasn’t doing what I wanted to do prior to real estate. Everything just kind of came to a head and I released it all. I opened the floodgates up. I didn’t want to lie to my parents anymore. I didn’t want to do corporate America anymore. I was done. I think that I was fortunate that I focused on positive avenues and career change. It very easily could have gone another way.”

Was that a scary time for you? It seems like a lot of change all at once, being honest about who you are and making a significant career change.

“Yeah. It felt like somebody put me in a jar, put a top on it, started shaking it up, and then poured it out. It was scary, but exciting at the same time. It was at a point that I think had I not done that, I could have seen myself going a different direction pretty quickly, starting to rely on other things to numb what was going on. It was scary and exciting.”

Would you say that pain was a catalyst to some of these major changes in your life, or some degree of pain or discomfort?

“Yeah. Yep. Around that time too, I had a friend who’s a life coach, and I became interested in things like Deepak and spiritualism, and it really opened my eyes. I think in Western society, there’s a roadmap that we’re given and expected to do. It takes a major event to realize tear that fuckin’ map up, throw it away. Seriously, throw that fuckin’ map away. Once I realized that, everything just kind of fell into place. There wasn’t a map needed because my map was organic. Yeah . . . my path was organic.”

Did you practice any sort of faith through this time or during this time that you’re kind of moving through fear, going through change, and embracing courage?

“I was raised Methodist and I would find myself praying. I was praying to God, but it took me a while to realize that the God I was taught in school and in church was not the God I was praying to. I’ve always been interested in other religions. Growing up going to a Catholic school Monday through Friday and then going to a Protestant church on the weekend—there’s a similar story, but there are a lot of differences. So, I was like ‘hey, why is it this way here and then on Sunday it’s this way?’ And they say ‘we’re right, they’re wrong.’ It kind of opened my mind at a young age that there’s a lot of hypocrisy in organized religion. Growing up where I did, friends and parents of the Church of Christ, they literally would say, ‘We love you, Chris, but you’re going to go to hell if you don’t convert.’ Who says that? You’re a Christian? We would sneak the liquor that they hid; they were closet drinkers. My spirituality has been a lifelong evolution that God is within yourself. Part of the beauty of realizing that is when you shed and become authentically yourself, that’s when you realize that God is within you, whether or not you want to call it God. To me, studying religions, there’s a lot of history, a lot of depth, and similarities, but it’s the action behind the religion that I have issue with. The different types of religions—they’re all beautiful in their own way, but its people that make them that not so religious.”

Do you have any practices now that help guide you?

“Yes. I do guided meditation, and meditating is praying. If everybody realized that we’re all doing the same thing, it’s all the same, I think there would be a lot less anger and violence in the world. I like to meditate. Meditation is challenging for me because of my ADHD, but then I realized to meditate, once you stop trying, it becomes meditation. Yeah, I try to meditate daily. It’s a grounding practice that energizes me. It’s like a power nap.”

What are some of the other practices or coping skills that you use when things get challenging or stressful?

“I exercise. Exercise has always been a great outlet. It wasn’t until later that I realized I was coping, that exercise is my outlet. I guess that’s not a bad one to use. Yeah . . . exercise, meditation, and I journal. I like reflecting my thoughts, and writing them down helps.”

You mentioned early on, when you had gone through those periods of abuse, that getting into therapy would have been helpful. Did you eventually get into therapy?

“When I moved to Houston, I briefly started going to a therapist and I found that we weren’t discussing the trauma in my childhood, but discussing the trauma in my relationships. In retrospect, it stems from the trauma in my childhood. That’s not on the therapist, that’s on me because I wasn’t discussing it and how was he to know. Unless you’re ready to talk about it, it’s a waste of resources on both sides. I think for therapy to work, you have to let it all out. I briefly went to therapy, but I wasn’t being 100 percent truthful. I was more concerned about this person and why it wasn’t working versus my shit. I think I have come to a point in my life where I have to own my own shit. That’s part of growing up, but I think it took me a long time to grow up.”

It’s much easier to notice someone else’s shit and to point it out.

“It’s easier to deal with someone else’s shit.”

Sometimes you don’t realize until that person has moved on from your life and you’re still left with the same kind of shit you’re experiencing and it’s actually yours and not theirs.

“Yep. That’s ego.”

Tell me about some of your relationships. You’ve had long-term relationships with women.

“Yes, and this is something that I struggle with—intimacy because I think at a very young age, I associated it with sex. Sex and love were not in the same wheelhouse for me, and every relationship I’ve ever been in it’s been an issue. That’s one of the demons I’m trying to get to know best, and really understand and embrace because it’s not only affecting me, but it’s affecting other people. You can look back it’s almost like clockwork the stages in a relationship that I go through. In the beginning, the sex is great because there’s no love involved. Once feelings start developing, I push away. It’s tough.”

What’s the fear there when love starts to be involved in that picture?

“I don’t know, but I think it’s the little boy trying to protect himself. Every time emotions and feelings come into play, he’s protecting himself. He doesn’t want to ever feel that way again. I would have to say that it is getting better for me, but it’s going to be something that I’ll always have to deal with. It will never, ever go away. It’s impossible. It’s a part of who I am. It’s a part of my self and I think the fact that I realize that, it’s making the ability for me to move forward and deal with it easier, but it will always be there.”

I’m sure he will always be there but, at some point you may come to a place where you can shift his role in the equation because I’m sure that served you for a number of years to protect you, but it’s no longer serving you as an adult. I had a brief conversation in the car yesterday with my aunt while I was visiting, and she was talking about her own upbringing, feelings, and also having been abused. She said she had a pivotal moment with her healer or guide, who told her to invite the little girl to play instead, like you’re a child, it’s okay, just play, so that she could take the lead as an adult and integrate those aspects of herself because when you’ve experienced trauma, they get kind of fragmented and that child who’s had to create those defenses to survive, it continues to kind of rush in when there’s a threat, or feels like a threat.

“What’s so bizarre to me is that how can love ever be a threat? How can you be in the process of falling in love and consider that a threat?”

If you’ve been hurt, betrayed, abused, neglected, assaulted—all of those things impact your ability to trust and your willingness to be vulnerable, which can make you associate love with those things. You’re allowing yourself to be hurt or taken advantage of, but on the other side of that, if you carry that armor and push away the very thing that you’re longing for, you’ll continue to suffer and create that distance between what you want and where you are.

“Yeah. It’s just so crazy because the two things that I love, independently so much, but marrying them together . . . It shouldn’t be that hard, but it is something that I’ve always struggled with, but I think recognizing it, acknowledging it, and becoming intimate with it is the first step in bringing those two things together.”

Yes. If you have the capacity to, what you were referring to as your demons, invite them in and get to know them well, the same is true for that little boy, leaving space for him, to join in as well.

“Yes.”

What would you say to that little boy if you could as your adult self today, sit with him and offer him some message or consolation?

“Just let him know that it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. It’s difficult to put my mindset to where he was and, knowing myself as a little boy, would he listen to what I’m telling him. Just tell him that it’s going to be okay. Hang in there. It’s going to be okay.”

That little boy, as he was developing from those experiences, did he ever feel that he was responsible when it happened?

“Yes. I have had these defining moments in my life, some of them great and some of them not so great. I’ll never forget, we were at my aunt’s house, and my little nephew, who was three or four at the time, and my mom asked me to take him to the bathroom and help him. I was about thirteen, and this was still raw and fresh. I was in the bathroom helping him and my grandmother came in and said ‘stop doing that to him’ and I remember my body going cold and thinking ‘am I doing something wrong?’ That had a profound, profound impact on intimacy. That had a profound impact on me. You wonder what happened to her. She had no idea what I was going through. So, what skeletons or demons were in her closet that caused her to react like that? I didn’t recognize that until later as an adult. I was like ‘oh my God, am I doing something wrong?’ There’s a degree of shame and you think since I was abused, am I going to do it to other children? I think abuse victims probably feel that there’s a stigma. The reality is if that happened to you, that’s the last thing that you’d ever want to do to somebody. It’s amazing that collectively less than thirty minutes in time can have such a profound impact on someone’s life.”

Yes, and that says a lot about every moment of our lives, especially when we’re in a position to make choices, all of these little microscopic and micro decisions that we make from moment to moment can really dictate.

“You have the ability in sixty seconds to change somebody’s life forever.”

It sounds like you were able to come to a place where you were able to look at what happened, to accept that it happened, and to decide to move forward, which I think is a part of the process of healing and forgiveness. Were you able to forgive your abuser?

“Yeah. It took a long time and this is horrible, but the second one was killed in a tragic, car accident and I, honestly, found happiness in that, which is not the person I am today because I like to think that I have empathy for all. I’ve forgiven them both.”

In doing that, did you have to be curious about what had shaped them as an individual and maybe what they had experienced in their life?

“Yeah. I don’t know how that can be environmental, a learned behavior, because of all the abuse victims that are out there. There are so many abuse victims, I think that it’s a sickness. I think that it is a sickness and, people that do that, need help. I’m not saying that they should be free, walking around in society, but that they need help. Locking somebody in a jail cell is not going to help them. They need to be supervised. There’s something going on that would cause somebody to do that. I think there’s some kind of mental disorder. It’s like a serial killer. They’re not doing it for fun. They may find fun in it, but there’s a reason they’re doing that and it’s probably something haywire in their brain causing them to do that. You would hope because if not, there’s pure evil.”

You talked about getting to a place of authenticity in your life and part of that was loving yourself. What did that look like to love yourself and to practice that?

“For me, loving myself was knowing myself, not judging myself, and accepting myself. Once I accepted myself, all the other things that are involved in loving myself just kind of fell in naturally. Loving the good and bad because we all have good and bad, and owning both the good and bad. This is not just about sexuality. If you’re not owning your bad traits, it’s the same as keeping them in the closet, pushing them right back there with all of the other skeletons. I truly believe that, as humans, we cannot heal until we accept and embrace, and then the healing process starts.”

Do you think it’s possible to heal from abuse and trauma?

“I do. Like I said, it’s never going to go away, but once you realize that’s a part of who you are and you love yourself as a whole. Think about that, if you love yourself as a whole, that’s a part of you. In doing that, you’re loving that part of you, as well. It might not be a pleasant part, but it’s a part nonetheless. I think we have the capacity to heal and love. You have to recognize and fully embrace the good and bad to do so, and it looks different for every person. There are similarities in healing, but it’s going to look different for every person.”

I’m guessing that part of your healing right now is probably talking about this and sharing the story, knowing that somebody else who’s experienced something similar or felt your emotions could benefit.

“Yes. This is very therapeutic. It’s telling your story and knowing that there are people with similar stories. They might not be dealing with it as you are, but the more that you put your story out there, maybe somebody can grasp on to how you’re dealing with it and provides them a level of solace that they wouldn’t have had. Yes, talking about it is very therapeutic. It’s important to do, but you have to be doing it in an authentic way. When I was going to therapy, I was telling him part truths, but I wasn’t telling him the whole truth. Unless you’re telling your whole truth, there might be some benefit gain, but it’s a band aid. It’s not embracing your truth.”

In imagining the next relationship you have, knowing that the second phase of your relationship is pushing away as things get more intimate and love comes into the picture, what skills do you hope you’ll acquire and learn to not do that again, to not push it away?

“I don’t know if there is a skill that I can acquire because it’s more of a feeling, and it’s communication, just making the person aware, “hey, this is likely going to happen, this is my past, and this is my story” and asking for patience. I think when the right person comes along, patience will be there. I don’t think that that will ever change because that’s a part of who I am, and that’s a part of the process of me falling in love. That’s my story, and I think me embracing that and owning that, when the right person comes along, it will work.”

Have you been able to communicate that with past lovers?

“I have and, each relationship I’m in, there’s progress. All one can do is communicate.”

I think communication and patience is essential, and no judgment.

“That’s the type of person you want to be with anyway.”

True.

“This whole chapter of my life is kind of like a guiding light. It’s kind of guided me to where I’m at. I wouldn’t be sitting here had it not happened. You kind of have to take your tragedies and turn them into a guiding light that leads you on your journey.”

Would that be your advice to somebody who was listening to or reading this that is struggling with accepting who they are and where they’ve been?

“Yeah, open the door, introduce your demon, and have a conversation with it. Introduce your demons to everyone because they might have similar ones and there’s nothing that’s happened to any human being that they should be ashamed of ever because that’s just a part of who they are. If you’re ashamed of that, you can’t love yourself. You might partially love yourself, but you’re not going to fully love yourself.”

Shame is similar to cancer. It doesn’t stay where it starts, it spreads into other areas and relationships.

“It festers.”

What do you think is the antidote to shame?

“Several come to mind … love, transparency, acceptance. I think light, finding your inner light, and letting it shine has the ability to wash away any shame that you have.”

Do you have a favorite quote, mantra, song lyric, or piece of advice that resonates with you that you’d like to share?

“Yeah. There’s a Riba song, ‘One Promise Too Late.’ I’ve been listening to this song since I was a child, but didn’t realize it until after I came out and started going through the problems in my relationships with intimacy this line she was singing in this song and I was singing to myself: Where were you when I could have loved you? Where were you when I gave my heart away? All my life I’ve been dreaming of you, but you came along one promise to late. That’s the progression in my relationships. When I finally get to that point where I’m loving myself and accepting and embracing the intimacy, it’s usually too late. It’s amazing how a song and the meaning of a song can change depending on where you are in your life.”

Absolutely. How has it felt to talk about these thoughts, feelings, and experiences with me today?

“It feels amazing. I think every time I share this, it’s like I’m shedding skin of the past and I become lighter. It makes me realize that I’m okay, I’m moving in the right direction, and I’m not moving backwards. I’m building my life based on my truth, and that to me is the most empowering thing to do. It doesn’t matter what your life looks like, you’re living your truth and, whatever you build around it, is okay.”

Do you think it’s possible that sharing your story with me today could potentially inspire or give hope to somebody that’s listening or reading this?

“I’d like to hope that it will. I think that it can only do good, that’s the intention that I set, and hope that it does. When I listen to other people’s stories, heartaches, and hardships, I know that I find inspiration and comfort. So, yeah, I hope this does the same.”

Thank you.

[ijaws]

@oh-just-hazel

Racism

I agree. Reverse Racism doesn’t exist. 

Racism exists. There’s no ‘reverse’ or cute little terms to replace it like Racial Prejudice. Hell, Racial Prejudice falls under the definition of Racism in every single dictionary I could find on a quick google search. I’m sorry, but if you provide any sort of Racial Discrimination, Prejudices, or Racial Superiority Propoganda you’re 100% racist. There’s no if/and/or ‘but’s about it. I don’t care what skin color you are. 

If you say that you can’t be racist because you’re a minority you’re delusional or brainwashed. If you discriminate or are prejudiced against anyone based on their skin color, you are no better than or different from a White Racist. None. You are BOTH equally wrong and I will treat both as you should be treated. As racist scumbags who don’t deserve to breathe the same air I do for being such braindead human beings that shouldn’t have the right to procreate.

Black person expressing Racial Prejudice = White person expressing Racial Prejudice

There’s no difference. They are both equally shitty people and if you defend that Black Person then you are literally advocating for Black Racism. You are actively defending racist behavior. It would be NO different than me defending a White Racist.

Source Material

I’m going to clear up my position on this subject. If you do not believe me on here, then look through some of my other posts regarding Ariel. 

I believe that if a character was created a specific way with specific traits that those specific traits should stay the same with every depiction of the character onward. Now there can be adaptations of the character, and there is nothing wrong with that, but you can’t take a character named Jimmy and make him a woman and still call him Jimmy. You can’t take a White Character named Jimmy and make him Black and still call him Jimmy. That’s not how that works. Jimmy, if he was established as a White Character, is, well, White. Jimmy isn’t Black. The same goes for a Black Character. Let’s say that Micheal is Black. You can’t take Micheal and make him White and still call him Micheal. That’s not how that works. Micheal ISN’T White. Micheal wasn’t established as a White Character. 

So if you established Cinderella as a White Princess, then she is a WHITE Princess. If you establish Snow White as a White Princess, then she’s a White Princess. If you establish Belle from Beauty and the Beast as White (eventually a White Princess) then she is WHITE. If you establish Tiana is a BLACK Princess, then she is a BLACK Princess. If you establish Mulan as an Asian Warrior Princess, then she’s an ASIAN Warrior Princess. If you establish Pocahontas as a Native American Princess, then she’s a Native American Princess. If you establish that a character is Gay, then that character is a GAY character. If you establish that they are a lesbian, then that character is a lesbian character. 

If you establish Ariel as White with Red hair and Blue eyes, then she is WHITE with RED HAIR and BLUE EYES. 

Ariel does not have dark eyes, african hair, and dark skin. Pocahontus doesn’t have pale skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes does she? No. She doesn’t. Therefore if I changed Pocahontas to have pale skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes would she still be Pocahontas? I want to answer this. Like. Legit. Would she, or would she not, still be Pocahontas? If she isn’t then you are racist just like how you’re trying to point me out as racist.

“Her story revolves around her being Native-” Oooh, okay. So that means I can go and make Falcon from the MCU into a pale skinned, brown haired, blue eyed White guy? After all, his race doesn’t matter too much to his character. It should be PERFECTLY acceptable for me to change his race then. Oh, what about Colonel James Rhodes? AKA War Machine? You know, Don Cheadle’s character. I can go and change his race right? That’ll be perfectly acceptable, right? After all, him being Black does nothing to story and isn’t important to HIS character. 

Oh, I can’t do that because it will be Whitewashing? Then why is it okay for a Black Person to take the role of a White Person where the race doesn’t matter then? Isn’t that Blackwashing? Oh, so Blackwashing isn’t a thing because there’s been oppression in the past that no one alive today has the power to do anything about yet somehow we have to pay for something that neither you or I was a part of? Silly me. (Yeah, all that was sarcasm) 

Either it is okay for everyone to disrespect culture, established characters, and the authors original intent and depict any character however they want to treat them no matter what race they are, or no one should be allowed to do any of that and they should respect source material and author intent. 

I will be 100% convinced that if you continue to play around with words and weasel your way into justifying the erasure of Classical White Characters that you are 100% trying to establish a double standard and perpetuate a double standard. You will be trying to say that it is okay for POCs to do something and White people can’t. That you are trying to say that POCs can take whatever role they want and if White People say anything in protest that they’re immediately somehow racist. I’ll COMPLETELY ignore the fact that if you, yes you, did the exact same thing about a White Person taking a POC role that you somehow aren’t racist when I would be when it comes to White Characters. 

Do you not see how fucked up that is? I am not racist. I don’t care about skin color. I have lived in Italy, Japan, and multiple different states in the US. Hell, I’ve actually experienced racism as the victim in Japan (it could have been xenophobia though), and I have experienced racism in a Black Majority town that I used to live in. (There were 3 Black People to 1 White/Other person. I was lucky to get a job in that town according to my Black Coworkers. The GM of the company I was working for didn’t like White People. A lot of companies there were like that.) However, I learned about other cultures by witnessing them first-hand and came to respect them. 

My mother and father taught me that people were people. It didn’t matter what they looked like. My mother and father told me that racists were disgusting and slavery was completely wrong. The told me that hat if they ever caught me picking on someone because of their skin color I was going to get the beating of my life. (My Dad told me that one actually.) My Dad went into the US Military and that is where I met people of all sorts of ethnicities and nationalities. I NEVER experienced racism until I got back to the US after being overseas collectively around 8 years. In DODDs Schools (Military Schools), which I was in for nearly all of my education, my classmates were the children of Military Parents like I was. In the Military, the US Military anyway, you can be punished for something your kid does. You can get in severe trouble. That’s why I feel a majority of my classmates were well behaved. I rarely saw fights, everyone was very chill, racism was nonexistent (We could openly make race jokes with each other and we’d all be chill pretty much. None of us gave a fuck.), and the teachers were badass af. Obviously a majority of them had been prior Military individuals themselves. 

Besides that, when I was overseas a majority of my friends were people of color. Black People, Asians, Middle Eastern Kids, etc. Hispanic. I had friends that came from all over the place. Yet, if I was racist, why would I want anything to do with them? If I was racist why would I condemn Whitewashing? If I was racist why would I advocate for a Disney Princess from Africa based on Afircan Culture? If I was racist why would I condemn the Alt-Right, the KKK, Nazi’s, Hitler, and the Ayran Brotherhood? If I was racist then why would I, if I had the power, go back and try to prevent slavery from even happening? If I was racist why would I be wanting Marvel and other Movie Studios to be making MORE POC movies on characters like Borther Voodoo, Static Shock (LOVED that show as a kid holy fuck), John Stewart, Steel (Henry John Irons. He looks cool af), SPAWN!!! (I heard they’re supposed to be doing a new movie but I dunno. I’d be excited either way.), etc.? 

Why would I want any of that? Tell me. I REALLY want to know how I’m racist.

Is it because I want a classical White character to STAY WHITE?! Wouldn’t you want Black characters to stay Black?! How are YOU not racist for that when I AM?! The double standards are REEEAAALLLY starting to piss me off here. 

Bottom line is that I’m not racist for wanting a character to stay true to their source material. 

If I am racist for wanting Ariel to be White, when she was depicted as White in both the 1839 Publication in DENMARK and the 1989 Disney film, then you HAVE to say that Black People who are racist for wanting Blade to stay Black as he has been since the ‘70s… Fair is fair or there’s a double standard… Or you have to admit that White people, oh, I dunno, are just getting pissed because they’re having every single character that they love systematically replaced by POCs, essentially altering the characters they love completely. 

I also want to point out that people were mad about this stuff too. 

Hunger Games got the cat wrong in the movies. People made such a huge deal out of that they went back and fixed it. Here’s the cats. 

People were also about the Percy Jackson movie when they got Annabeth’s look wrong. Annabeth is a REALLY tan girl with really bright blonde hair and gray eyes. This is who they cast as Annabeth… 

 A majority of us are feeling THIS way about Ariel. It’s not because she’s Black. It’s because she looks NOTHING like fucking Airel. Where’s her red, full, flowing hair? Where’s her bright blue eyes? Where’s her pale skin? Where’s the fucking resemblance to ARIEL??!?

Article

I can destroy that entire article with just a few observations. 

Aladdin (1992) - There were quite literally no white people in this film and it is still one of the most widely celebrated Disney Films of all time. Jasmine, Aladdin, Jafar, and even Genie are not Whitewashed at ALL. I’m talking appearances here. Voice Actor skin color is meaningless. People who make a big deal out of that have mental issues. Jasmine is still portrayed as extremely beautiful and she IS a Princess! It states that in the movie. The Princess and the Street Rat. Honestly, it was one of my favorite movies as a kid! And I’m WHITE! Sure, this movie taught people that WASN’T beautiful and valuable because she wasn’t white and that she WASN’T a Princess because she wasn’t White. 

Pocahontas (1995) - LITERALLY showed a White Man falling in love with a Native American. Pocahontas who is an actual Princess as she’s listed as one of the Princesses in Disney's Princess Lineup. Guess what… Pocahontas is NOT White! -Gasp- A WHITE man fell for a Princess that WASN’T White?! I thought that in order to be beautiful and full of value as well as a princess that you HAD to be White?!

Mulan (1998) - Another one of Disney’s top most celebrated movies of all time with not a SINGLE White Person on screen! (It’s almost as if White People in general aren’t racist or something.) It was a story about female empowerment at this point and that you can be a badass Warrior Princess AND be beautiful as well! Oh, and guess what, she wasn’t white either and she’s a princess too… Weird… I thought that Disney was trying to indoctrinate young white people that only White Women could be Beautiful Princesses. 

Tiana (2009) - ….. Do I even need to say anything here? 

Yes, the power of Folk Tales is their adaptability over time, but, again, if you’re doing, you know, a REMAKE and not a fucking ADAPTATION then why the FUCK would cast someone that wasn’t ACCURATE to the fucking REMAKE?! I’m literally losing braincells here trying to dumb myself down to understand this stupid ass shit. 

 White Culture

Culture / cul·ture /ˈkəlCHər/

noun

1. The arts and other manifestations of human intellectual achievement regarded collectively.

"20th century popular culture"

Synonyms: the arts, the humanities

2. ------> The customs, arts, social institutions, and achievements of a particular nation, people, or other social group. <------

"Caribbean culture" 

Synonyms: ----->civilization, society, way of life, lifestyle; More<------

Tell me. What were English, Scottish, Russian, Polish, French, and Scandinavian People were before they began their colonial eras? Hmm…? Oh, that’s right… They were White. How many Ethnicities of Europe are there? Well from what I can tell there’s White People and Mediteranean people. A majority of the continent, though, is inhabited by White People while Mediteranean people tend to be situated, obviously, along the Southern Coast of Europe. 

Generally when you think of a region you associate it with its people. In Asia you immediately think Chinese, Japenes, and so on. Why? Well look at the populations and their culture. They inhabit a majority of the land nearly, except Russia as it spans both continents, and have the largest population on this planet. You don’t typically think of Middle Easterners and Indians as Asian even though they are. Are Asians now guilty of what White People in Europe are then? They had too many kids and established themselves as a Majority in Asia? The horror! Look at Africa now… When you think of Africa you don’t tend to think of White People or Middle Eastern People. You think of Black Africans with rich culture and lands. Even though the VERY South and North African regions of the continent are White and Middle Eastern looking. (White in the South. Middle Easter in the North.) You don’t tend to think of Egyptians as Africans either when you think of Africa. 

With that being said, every culture on this Planet and its people tend to group together. White People, Black People, Native Americans, Asians, etc. You tend to group with who you’re familiar with and who look like you. You’re more empathetic with them. I’m pretty sure you could have a Korean and a Japanese person in the US and they’d gravitate towards each other because of their similarities. Same with White People. Collectivism happens. When people identify themselves they say they’re Asian, White, Black, Latino, etc. What do you associate with when it comes to White People? Oh, that’s right. Americans and Europeans. That’s where a majority of White People are located. White People also have their own cultures like Asians and Africans do. Therefore if you can say that something is a part of African culture, then you can say that something is a part of White Culture as well. 

This is how that works. “Whiteness,” is its own topic. It has no standing in regards to the topic at hand as it has nothing to do with what we are talking about. We are talking about collections of peoples and nationalities. White People are a collection of, you guessed it, White Individuals and their cultures. 

England, Scotland, Russia, Polish, Scandinavia, Germany, Switzerland, France, Ukraine, Austria, Hungary, etc. All of these countries are essentially White Populations. White People. They ALL have their own cultures and beliefs… The bottom line, though, is that they’re White. They LITERALLY are White People. Collectively they are White People. Therefore, White People are a thing. I am white. I consider myself a White American with ancestry from Northern Europe. I consider them, as well as other White People as part of my kin. MY people. WHITE PEOPLE. Therefore, White People have culture. Hell, we have a fuck ton of cultures. In America it may not be this way because America is a bit complicated to explain, but there you have it. 

This is exactly how Black People look at themselves and their ancestors from Africa. Same with Asians, South Americans, etc. 

History

“When whites talk about reverse discrimination, I feel that they are making a silly argument because what they really want to say is that we, people of color, have the power to do to them what they have done to us from the 13th century.

But If you think about it, reverse racism is actually kinda great. Because if it did exist, it would mean we lived in a society in which all racial groups have an equal amount of power. But we don’t.”

Quick question. How old are you? I assume you’re not 800 years old. Do you know anyone in your family that is 800? No? What about 500? Any friends or family? No… hmm… what about 200? No? What about 100? Maybe? Interesting. Well… I’d like to personally tell you that no one in your family, or your friends, have experienced slavery, oppression, unless they’re basically 60 to 100 years old, and that you’ve lived a pretty privileged life. (If you do not believe you’re living a privileged life here, in 2019, I swear I will not be able to take you seriously. Even the poorest people in Modern Countries have it better than nearly every Human in History. That’s not an opinion either.) White People haven’t been doing anything to you or your family. If you’re scared of the people that came before us, don’t be. They’re dead now. Everything’s fine. 

In all seriousness there is no such thing as reverse discrimination. There is ONLY discrimination. Also, I refuse to be held accountable for what my ancestors did. I have no control over that and I should NOT be fucking forced to pay for their mistakes. If I am to pay for their mistakes then I should be fucking praised for my ancestors that faught against Slavery and Oppression. 

Also, really? No POC alive has felt anything remotely as bad as it was at LEAST 150 years ago. No one alive has been a slave. Now there may be some older people out there that witnessed oppression that was protected under the government, but can we look at who was marching along with MLK..? Can we also look at who fought in the Civil War? Can we also look at the people who were slogging through Europe to kill Nazis? 

As for the reverse racism comment… Jesus I’m not even gonna really touch that. 

I would touch on power, but I am having a strong feeling that you’re one of those types that believes in White Privilege, and how the US Govt. is still skulking around the shadows being racist allowing young Black People to be killed and that they DiDn’T Do AnYtHinG WroNg. That the cops literally just want to shoot Black People just because they’re Black and blah blah blah. I won’t even get into that subject because… holy fuck that’s going down the rabbit hole. I’d NEED to do some drugs to stay sane if we talked about that shit. 

 The Most Important Point!

 You’re right. They’ve already cast the wrong actress to play Ariel. It blows… I wish that they would have actually made a film based on ACTUAL African Culture while also taking place off the coasts of Africa itself. You could have had extremely accurate casting choices, no white folk (cause we all know how White People are racist White Devil Colonizers.), and an original story to tell. What would seriously be the best part about ALL that would be the fact that Black Kids would have an ACTUAL tale about their ACTUAL historical culture that would be THEIR OWN! It would be ABOUT them! It wouldn’t be a tokenized White Character you know? 

Also, do you not understand how Tokenizing and Pandering is insulting to POCs? Why casting Ariel this way is an insult to you? 

Do you realize that by doing this Hollywood is essentially telling you, POCs, that this is all you’re ever gonna get? That you’re never going to get any roles or movies that are really YOURS… You’re not going to get original Black Stories, you’re not going to get Original Black Characters, and that all you’re going to get is what White People hand out to you? That all you’re ever going to get is second-rate characters? Doesn’t that piss you off? It would piss me off. Why would you even defending a casting choice like this when you should be DEMANDING an original story with original characters about LEGITIMATE BLACK CULTURES?! 

Oh, is it because of the whole FUCK WHITE PEOPLE thing? An entirely petty, small minded, mindset focused on prolonging racial tension and racism rather than ending it? Cause, you know, you don’t solve hatred with more hatred. You don’t fucking solve culturual appropriation with MORE cultural appropriation. You don’t solve racism with MORE racism. You don’t solve sexism with MORE sexism. To be honest, you would have thought Black Panther would have taught you that lesson…. That’s Ironic. You do know Killmonger was wrong and T’Challa was right, right? 

I dunno. I ranted a lot longer than I thought I would have and got a lot deeper than I thought I would have. Oh well. It’s gotten to the point that I feel like we’re both talking to brick walls while each of us think we’re right while the others wrong. I personally feel that I’m living in reality, but that’s just me… mostly because I haven’t been reading propaganda pieces but… yeah… The signs were when you started bringing up reverse racism… I kinda shoulda back off at that point but yeah… 

Lastly, you literally can’t whitewash a character that’s been white for 200+ years to begin with… so… 

Oh well… I’ve given this my last horah… Oh well… 

[nmcconnellportfolio]

What Difference Does It Who Speaks: The Question of Gatekeeping, Privilege, Authentic/Non-Essentialist Representation & the #OwnVoices movement

If there is a form of immortality possible to humanity, stories may be the one way that keep those that are written about alive long after they’re gone. But if storytelling is a form of immortality-making, there comes two important questions. Who, by getting to be represented in the story, gets to live forever? And by extension, who gets to tell these stories and about the people within those stories? A revelation that has resulted in the #WeNeedDiverseBooks movement that was born in 2014, a reaction to a book publishing industry that has lacked diversity and representation in both its books and the authors who write those books; the latter resulting in the #OwnVoices movement, where it’s encouraged for books featuring minority representation to have minority authors writing the story (i.e. a black female author writing a book with a black female lead etc). While the question for the unit askes for us to write about representations in and of themselves (aka the representation of Muslim athletes in America, representations of intersexuality in Australia etc), this essay is less interested with representations and more concerned with the ambition of analysing the natureof representation as presented by the #WeNeedDiverseBooks/#OwnVoices movements and mainstream society and the question of how those representations are effected by whom gets to create them within the media we consume. If non-marginalized authors write about marginalized communities, does that very fact make the representation essentialist – regardless to the quality and content of the representation? Are there limits and potentially bad outcomes to the increasing desire to see authenticity within the media we consume?

Before we can understand how representation of characters is linked to whom writes these representations, we should understand the concept of the death of author – and how #OwnVoices may be considered a rejection of this death. The death of the author, as first described by Roland Barthes in the famous 1967 essay La Mort de L'Auteur, talked about the separation between the text and the author and allowing the text to be purely cpercieved by the reader, saying ‘literature is that neuter, that composite, that oblique into which every subject escapes, the trap where all identity is lost, beginning with the very identity of the body that writes’ (Barthes, 1967, pp. 2). Foucault also addressed the relationship between texts and authors, as addressed in the 1969 essay What is the Author (as displayed in a collection of essays published in 1980), saying in support of Barthes, ‘we would no longer hear the questions that have been rehashed for so long: who really spoke? Is it really he and not someone else? With what authenticity or originality? And what part of his deepest self did he express in his discourse?...What difference does it make who is speaking?’ (Bouchard, 1980, pp. 138).

However, as John Farrell noted in the 2017 book, ‘when we read literary texts it is people we are trying to understand — people under varying historical circumstances; it is their creative actions we are trying to appreciate, not mere collections of words’ (Farrell, 2017, pp. 243). This central idea, that one cannot simply divorce literature from the humans who create them because that literature isthe expression (and therefor, an extension through words) of the creator, is an important idea that is arguably foundational to the #OwnVoices movement. An idea also compounded by an video essay by Lindsay Ellis, where she expressed the notion that a major fault of the death of the author concept is the assumption that all people of all backgrounds have the same equal opportunity and by extension, all texts have equal opportunity for exposure on the basis of their merit – despite the fact that texts are judged on whom tells what story, that storytellers background and why they are telling the story (Ellis, 2018). This rejection of the death of the author and this question that Foucault poses, what difference does it make who is speaking, matters deeply when storytelling is a matter of gatekeeping and privilege.  

This comes to another major aspect of the #OwnVoices situation, addressing whom (and who doesn’t) gets to be the author; who gets to direct cinema, who gets to write music, who gets to write the books that express the world around them and, by doing so, gets to construct the narrative of the world for the audience. Of the publishing and writing industry, as published in a major report, notes that the majority of writers and publishers are white and male by the majority. Within the publishing industry, according to an extensive survey in published in 2016 concerning diversity of book creators in 2015 (and not just diversity within the books themselves), it was found that the statistics of the publishing industry overall is 79% white, 78% cisgender female, 88% straight/heterosexual and 92% able-bodied (Lee, 2016). Another report about the publishing industry supports this, Melanie Ramdarshan Bold going on to investigate the state of diversity within the British publishing industry by analysing all young adult books published from 2006 to 2016 – and who found that only 8% of all YA authors within Britain are writers of colour, 90% of British YA authors being white (Ramdarshan Bold, 2018, pp. 398). This is also reflected within the cinema industry, where a comprehensive report investigated the statistics of those who directed and wrote 1200 mainstream films from 2007 to 2018 – and found only 3.6% of film directors were women, 6% were African-American and 3.6% were Asian-American, the majority of directors and creators of cinema being white men (Pieper, Choi & Choueiti, 2018, p. 1-9)

So we have established the important relationship between stories and the storytellers and we have now determined that the majority of our media – which includes representations of marginalized communities – have majorly being created by non-marginalized storytellers. The last question needs to be answered” is storytelling outside of your identity (be it cultural, racial, sexual, gender or disability) a form of cultural appropriation? Such questions about the #WeNeedDiverseBooks and the #OwnVoices movement have come up with backlash against the publication of certain books pertaining to the identities of their authors and how it connects to content of their books; Helen Barr’s debut novel Blood Makes Noisewas called to be cancelled before it was even published, on the basis that a story about the AIDS crisis (which predominantly effected gay men) should not be told by a straight woman, one commenter called Jay Elliot saying that ‘a woman profiting off the stories and experiences of gay males during the AIDS epidemic is despicable, and I hope this entire project burns to the ground’ (Kheraji, 2018); the book APlace for Wolves, a self-declared #OwnVoices book,is ‘cancelled’ and prevented from being published on the basis that the author ‘appropriated’ the historical genocide of Bosnia as the setting for a same-sex love story (Rothstein, 2019); people call for the book Blood Heir to be prevented from publication due the belief of insensitive portrayals of slavery inspired by the slavery of African-Americans, despite the author saying that the depiction of slavery was not based in U.S slavery but on indentured servitude from her own country of Asia (Hoggatt, 2019)

These are just examples of what is believed to be a growing toxicity within the #OwnVoices and #WeNeedDiverseBooks movement, covered by Rosenfield where she discusses the growing pressure on minority authors to not just sell their stories that focus on diverse themes, but also to sell themselves and their identities in relation to their stories, even if it means selling private information about themselves – such as closeted sexual identities or mental illnesses, information that if released could create unsafe situations for the author – for public consumption. (Rosenfield, 2019). This situation of dissatisfaction between the identification of authors with their stories is also discussed within the New York Times by Jami Attenberg, where her article acts as a rejection of the principles behind the #OwnVoices movement where fiction becomes a reflection of the authors life, saying ‘how do you even explain the creative process, that there are all these little bits and pieces, that a work of fiction can be a kaleidoscope of your life, looking nothing like the original whole, just made up of shattered bits. Why can’t people let fiction be?’ (Attenberg, 2017).

One can argue that the overzealousness and toxicity of the publishing community, of cancelling books before they’re published and creating ever-impossible standards of whom can write what story, of not allowing fiction to simply be and allowing the author to die, is a reaction to the statistics that we just saw about the publishing industry – that the narratives about marginalized communities have always being the creation of non-marginalized authors, even narratives that have stereotyped and dehumanized these communities. But the belief underlying the #OwnVoices movement and the resulting examples discussed above all show a troubling underlying issue; that certain stories should only be written by certain people, that as Heather Heath says, ‘While we live in a culture that tries to tell us that some groups are so different from us that we cannot possibly understand them, this is simply untrue; we are all human beings and we can come alongside each other and learn from one another’ (Heath, 2018). Is the perspective of someone who is another race or another sexuality, according to some individuals within the #OwnVoices movement, so Other can no amount of research or work or sheer human empathy can cross the boundaries and have that story properly told? Is the perspective of a bisexual autistic immigrant woman – of myself – a perspective so different that it cannot be written or told or understood by others outside my identities, let alone be properly written?

In conclusion, while this essay was not concerned with representations in and of itself, we can conclude to an ideal of storytelling that Lindsay Ellis talks about with the famed novelist John Green, that by telling a fiction, it is human nature that we feel connected to that person that tells that story – regardless of who that person is (Ellis, 2018). The #OwnVoices and #WeNeedDiverseBooks is a long-needed and necessary reaction to the exclusion of minorities from the stories we tell in our books and television and cinema – but one that requires a sophisticated understanding that who tells what story is never black or white, but must always be considered with nuance. If the statistics do not improve behind the scenes of our media industry and if the toxic implications of gatekeeping are still maintained, if men are forced to write only about men and white people can only write white people and so on and for forth, we are far less likely to create empathetic and progressive stories of identity and diversity that are needed after decades of absence. Foucault once asked, what difference does it make who is speaking. For us and for the publishing community and for all storytellers, who can tell stories is a difference that means everything.

References

Attenberg, J. (2017). Stop Reading My Fiction as the Story of My Life. The New York Times. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/23/books/review/stop-reading-my-fiction-as-the-story-of-my-life.html

Barthes, R. (1967). La Mort de L'Auteur [Ebook] (pp. 2-6). Pittsburg: Aspen. Retrieved from https://writing.upenn.edu/~taransky/Barthes.pdf

Bouchard, D. (1980). Language, Counter-memory, Practice: Selected Essays and Interviews by Michel Foucault (p. 138). Ithaca: Cornell University Press.

Ellis, L. (2018). Death of the Author [Video]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGn9x4-Y_7A

Farrell, J. (2017). The Varieties of Authorial Intention: Literary Theory Beyond the Intentional Fallacy (p. 243). Springer.

Heath, H. (2018). 5 Problems Within the Own Voices Campaign (And How to Fix Them) [Blog]. Retrieved from http://hannahheath-writer.blogspot.com/2018/04/5-problems-within-own-voices-campaign.html

Hoggatt, A. (2019). An Author Canceled Her Own YA Novel Over Accusations of Racism. But Is It Really Anti-Black?. Retrieved from https://slate.com/culture/2019/01/blood-heir-ya-book-twitter-controversy.html

Lee, J. (2016). Where Is the Diversity in Publishing? The 2015 Diversity Baseline Survey Results. New York City: Lee and Low Books. Retrieved from https://blog.leeandlow.com/2016/01/26/where-is-the-diversity-in-publishing-the-2015-diversity-baseline-survey-results/

Kheraj, A. (2018). does it matter who writes queer stories?. Retrieved from https://i-d.vice.com/en_au/article/8xeg4b/does-it-matter-who-writes-queer-stories

Pieper, K., Choi, A., Choueiti, M., & Smith, S. (2019). Inclusion in the Director's Chair? (pp. 9-10). University of Southern California Annesburg School for Communication and Journalism. Retrieved from http://assets.uscannenberg.org/docs/inclusion-in-the-directors-chair-2019.pdf

Ramdarshan Bold, M. (2018). The Eight Percent Problem: Authors of Colour in the British Young Adult Market (2006–2016). Publishing Research Quarterly, 34(3), 385-406. doi: 10.1007/s12109-018-9600-5

Rosenfield, K. (2019). What Is #OwnVoices Doing To Our Books?. Retrieved from https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2019/04/228847/own-voices-movement-ya-literature-impact

Rothstein, K. (2019). Another YA Author Withdraws Book From Publication After Backlash. Retrieved from https://www.vulture.com/2019/02/kosoko-jackson-a-place-for-wolves.html

[dukeofriven]

Hussie, Hitler, And Boy I’m Tired

I said earlier that I didn’t want to put on my hip waders and muck about in the Homestuck tags. *pulls off hip waders* I went anyways. I went even though I was feeling pretty good because I had a nice dinner and got to watch the New Years Bake-Off special. I went anyways, and I did it for you, my eight followers who aren’t pornbots. It turns out the Homestuck fandom of Tumblr is as scary and hyperbolic as ever, and has taken one lousy bit of badly written crap and extrapolated that backwards into ‘Homestuck has always been a racist anti-semetic pile of garbage and everything about it is terrible and Andrew Hussie needs to die.” I’m not paraphrasing, by the way. Someone out there is chanting ‘die Andrew Hussie die,’ because he had the gall to... clumsily dunk on Hitler like a fifteen year old trying to impress his English teacher with edgy comedy? This new stuff is too dumb to be offensive, especially in an era with, y’know, Hitler-praising alt-right Neo Nazis actually being mainstream media figures.  Hey Tumblr fandom? Can you... mm not chill, chill’s not the word I’m looking for what is it... oh yes. Can y’all fuck off for once?

Tumblr doesn’t deserve to enjoy things because it doesn’t know how to enjoy things responsibly. It lurches from adoration to hatred without pause, and as a writer it gives me nothing but an anxiety. I cannot produce anything imperfect, I cannot ever write crap because if I do then all my work will be tainted by it forever. On Tumblr you are always judged by your worst effort, which is a fucking god-awful standard for large media franchises of any kind. You know who one of the greatest, most thoughtful, socially-driven authors of the twentieth century was? Terry Pratchett. You know what’s kind of sexist and lazy and awful? The Colour of Magic. You know what’s weirdly colonialist and smug and all-around shit? Snuff! Neither of those shitty books invalidate the forty other Discworld novels. The existence of Anchorman’s bloviating nothingness doesn’t erase Will Ferrel’s warm and desperately human performance in Stranger Than Fiction. The Forced Kiss Equal Romance kiss in Blade Runner doesn’t erase the rest of the movie piercing question on the nature of what it means to be human. And on and on and on. Andrew Hussie’s sneeze-shart dogshit history rewrite that was so embarrassingly bad it got pulled from the internet didn’t erase Rose/Kanaya, or gay Dave, or Joey Claire tap-dancing her little heart out to try and defeat a monster. And even if Andrew Hussie does a JK Rowling and produces nothing but ill-thought-out crap from here until the day we all die in the great Disney Final Merger of 2023, it still won’t invalidate the good moments that made you happy. I mean if Andrew Hussie toddles out of retirement onto a talk show in a bathrobe to discuss his new revelations on the Puppetgrandmasters of Scion who all have worryingly Semetic names, I’m not going to be so naive as to pretend that his earlier media can be consumed in some kind of vacuum, that the future cannot affect the past. but I am saying that the good that happened in it - the things that affected you in positive ways - are not ethereal. It mattered to you then, and that’s okay. Tumblr’s hyperbolic responses seem to be rooted in embarrassment and self-flagellation. People seem so terrified by the thought that anyone might associate them as a fan of something - gasp - linked to controversy that they... well, they say shit like “die andrew hussie die.” Hey dude. Hey. You need to redirect that anger, my friend. There’s actual Neo-Nazis in the streets. On the TV. In the US government. I guess what I’m trying to say is... Woof. Okay. You know, to give Andrew Hussie partial credit here, its nice to see someone actually write Adolf Hitler the way he really was - a pant-shitting constantly whiny toddler of a human being who endlessly threw tantrums and got to where he was largely on the strength of other people’s bad decisions. Remember kids: the biggest myth Neo-Nazis have ever perpetrated is that Germany under Hitler was well-run, well-organized, and anything other than a collection of squabbling dysfunctional fiefdoms run by party hacks propped up by a bureaucracy and military too bound by inertia, ego, and cultural racism to do anything to stop a lunatic from ripping their country to shreds. That whole ‘trains running on time’ thing? It’s nonsense. Go study the conduct of the war once Germany had exhausted all its pre-war stockpiled resources and ran out of useful shit to loot, once it had to start relying on its leadership for the things that make wars winnable - supplies, reinforcements, fuel, winter clothing. Watch the way from 1942 onwards Germany stumbled from one disaster to the next, as Hitler fired more and more generals and drew more and more authority to himself and his fellow party cronies. Hitler should not be feared as a man of competence or skill - he was a buffoon, a clown of a human being fuelled entirely by petty, vindictive spite and an unlimited capacity for cruelty. And before anyone goes ‘well if he was so objectively pathetic how the fuck did he take over Germany’ I direct you to google the last two years of American politics and the words ‘Donald Fucking Trump.’ [I recommend, on these war subjects particularly, Sir Antony Beevor’s bleak and sobering works, particularly Stalingrad, Berlin: The Downfall 1945, and Ardennes 1944: Hitler's Last Gamble.]  Sorry this... kind of got away from me somewhat, but I really hate it when people get mad that someone didn’t take Hitler seriously (and, to be strictly fair, this is not what everyone is mad about in regards to Andrew Hussie, either). You should never take Hitler seriously. Take hate seriously - take violent words, and calls for purity, take his ideas of superiority and racial preeminence and anti-semitism seriously as the evils, the horrors as they are. But the man himself? He literally stank - a combination of his halitosis, chronic flatulence, and was constant diarrhea. [I am not exaggerating] He was a sad pathetic clown, and Andrew Hussie chose to write him as such. He just... went too far. It happens. It’s not good writing. It’s fucking shit, to be honest. Boring shit. The Minions movie decided to have the Minions sit out the entirety of WWII by having them get stuck in a cave or some such. Honestly that’s a better option than what Andrew Hussie went with - and ‘be more like the Minions movie’ isn’t advice I give that often. You want to be disgruntled that an author wrote something this bafflingly tone deaf and tedious? Sure. I know I am. But to chant for his death? Are you fucking kidding me? Look! Look out your window at those marching Neo-Nazis trying to establish a white supremacist state? What the ever-loving fuck are you people doing in here getting ready to string-up a man whose crime was making Adolf Friggen Hitler too petty???????? Tumblr. Tumblr, for the love of god this has to stop. This ‘Ceasar’s wife must be above reproach’ shit has to stop - it’s killing fandom, it’s killing good media critique, it’s burying proportional fan response, and its just exhausting. Why can’t you ever just let something be lousy without it being literal death warrant? There’s real demons out there - I can see them out the window, and every time I turn on the TV. Maybe - just bloody maybe - not every single crime deserves the exact same level of disapprobation and punishment? Maybe we could read some content and say “boy that sure had some lousy implications and also was just really poorly written” and then... stop there? Wouldn’t that be nice, for a change? We could dislike something without feeling like it required activism on our part. We could say ‘this piece of media was shit, but it didn’t advocate for a white ethno-state, so I will continue to think of it only until the end of this sentence.’ I am not advocating for an end to media criticism for anything that isn’t openly hate speech (but if you think that I am I am going to assume you’re already so needlessly enraged about this whole matter that I’m a bit puzzled why you’ve bothered to read this far since its obvious we don’t agree on many fundamental issues.) What I am calling for is the end to death threats against people who don’t mean you harm. Because that’s lunacy. That’s beyond the pale, actually, that’s really disturbing and sickening and you should seriously reconsider your relationship with media. Because there are people out there who do want to hurt you. Their lives are fuelled by hate, their philosophies are driven by it, as are their politics. I assure you that when a time traveller steps through a portal trying to prevent the rise of ‘the great Trump War of 2020′ the inciting incident will not be ‘Andrew Hussie trivialized the holocaust by citing its origins as a grudge Adolf Hitler bore Albert Einstein over a rivalry in secret clown ninja school before being taken on as an agent of a baking-obsessed alien space witch and bumped into power by the Peters principle.’ Because just by writing that sentence I have already reaffirmed a very simple truth: this is way, way too stupid to give the slightest shit about. So let’s tell Andrew Hussie that his new work is... mmm.... kind of like a shit if a shit had a shit that was itself shat out by a shit and then vomited on by another shit who had eaten nothing but shit since Sunday. Let’s tel lhim “hey dude, your clownish work summoned the spectre of anti-semetism, and you can do better.” Frankly, I think that message was already sent, since in the two hours between me going to make and eat dinner and then coming back to my computer, the new material was discovered, read, disseminated, and removed. Two hours. Sure, maybe a bit of lag due to what does and does not hit my feed but come on - this all took place in an afternoon. It’s already down. Our voices were heard - we didn’t think this was very good, and apparently Whatpumpkin agrees enough that they didn’t mount a defence of it. Rather than take the next logical step, though - which seems to be calling for the death of Andrew Hussie and removing all of Homestuck from the internet and maybe nuking Toby Fox from orbit just to be extra-sure? - we could do... something else. Talk about the release date for Stranger Things, maybe. Track down some local Neo-Nazis and punch them. Read some Antony Beevor books and really educate ourselves on what a smelly fuck-up Hitler was so we can chant that at Neo Nazis at their next rally. Or you could watch the New Years Bake-Off special. It was pretty good.