#why cant you just say : actually this is wrong and that is wrong
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── .✦ such a mess together - p. sunghoon
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summary: the cute little girl you tutor is always going on about how you should date her smart, good-looking older brother, so why is your annoying, cocky classmate opening the door instead of her? ────── academic rival Sunghoon x reader || sfw, tension, can you tell i love the enemies to lovers trope LOL. || w/c: 3.5k (everyone clap jet is finally writing full length fics !!!)
a/n: ok whos shocked yet another enemies to lovers fic from yours truly - but i cant help that this trope is the most fun to write !!!!!!!
Shocked doesn’t even come close to describing how you feel right now.
You feel as though if you widen your eyes anymore they’ll pop right out of your head, but the thought of him seeing you make such an embarrassing expression forces you to calm yourself. Slowly, he narrows his eyes, clearly not any less confused about this than you are.
“The hell are you doing at my house?” he spits, thick brows furrowed as he looks you up and down.
You’re about to reply with something equally as snarky, but you’re interrupted by a small head popping out from underneath his arm - which is outstretched to hold open the front door.
“You’re here!” Yeji squeals in excitement, ducking past him to throw herself around your waist. You stumble backwards a bit, putting on her head to steady yourself as you laugh softly.
“Hey,” you breathe out, though your eyes don’t leave those of the man in front of you, whose confusion only grows. “I’m here to tutor her,” you say curtly, almost in disbelief that you’d have to spell it out for him this much.
Though it’s not like you’re in much of a position to say much else because, really, you should’ve put the pieces together a long time ago. Being young and uninterested in her studies, Yeji had managed to spend most of your lessons together chatting about her life instead of doing her homework and so you had been told a lot about her - and her mysterious older brother who was rarely around because he was always busy working part-time or studying at university. At the time, you didn’t think twice about the fact that he went to the same university as you or that the times she mentioned him having exams always coincidentally lined up with yours - though now you’re beginning to think maybe you should’ve.
Details like that were easy to forget though, especially when Yeji paid far more attention to the other details about her brother which she deemed far more important. You had spent many afternoons passively listening to her talk about how smart, sweet and tall he was, how he was “practically a prince” - all the while trying to get her to finish her algebra questions. You had even brushed it off when she mentioned that the two of you would make a good couple, and how it was a shame you had never met before.
But Yeji couldn’t have been more wrong, because you actually had met her brother, and far more than you would’ve liked to for that matter. In fact, prior to today, Park Sunghoon had been nothing more than a nuisance in your university life. The one to constantly challenge your points in discussions, to steal your perfect front-row seat or to beat you by a singular mark in final exams. In your eyes, he was nothing but a cocky, good-for-nothing know-it-all who had been unfairly blessed with unnatural good looks which he used to trick your poor female classmates into liking him.
All the details matched up though, times, places, hell they even had the same last name - but it had never occurred to you to put two and two together. Despite this, the shock of the initial realisation pales in comparison to the fact that you now how to continue with your lesson - whilst he sat in the next room over, glaring at you the entire time.
You shifted in your seat nervously, eyes darting between Yeji’s exercise book and the strict gaze of her brother. Seriously, just what was his problem? - you’d never done anything to seriously wrong him, and if you did, you figured the fact that you were helping out his younger sister would be enough of a reason for him to let down his guard for once. But still, he sat there, completely uninterested in the video game he had loaded up as an obvious excuse, eyes locked on you.
The weight of his gaze only made you more anxious and when you brought a hand up to hold your pencil you noticed the slight tremble in it. You couldn’t help but feel irritated, not just at him for being so distracting, but also at yourself for letting him get to you so easily.
“I think he’s looking at you because you’re so pretty,” you heard a small voice mutter beside you catching you off guard. You let out a small laugh, about to calmly tell her to focus on her work but when you raise your eyes to look at her brother in the next room you notice that, for once, he’s avoiding your gaze, clearing his throat out of what almost seems to be nervousness.
“Nice try Yeji, but I think your brother just doesn’t trust my tutoring skills.”
She tilts her head, considering this for a moment - then with the same innocent bluntness as before, she shrugs. "Or maybe he's just grumpy because he got dumped."
A deafening silence falls over the room, and your pencil freezes mid-scratch as you glance up just in time to see Sunghoon's entire expression shift. His eyes widen for the briefest moment before his features twist into something between horror and annoyance. "Yeji," he hisses in warning, eyes shooting daggers at his sister, "shut up."
But it's too late, your interest is piqued and despite the harshness in his tone you can't help the smirk tugging at your lips at the thought of finally having some leverage against him.
"Wait," you say, tilting your head as you look at him, "Park Sunghoon ... got dumped?"
He exhales sharply, dragging a hand across his face. "It wasn't- I didn't-" he stops himself, visibly irritated at the two of you. "That's none of your business."
Yeji, completely unaffected by her brother's obvious distress, hums to herself as she flips a page in her book. "She was really pretty too, she muses, "but she said he was too emotionally unavailable and always busy with school."
You blink in disbelief, then, unable to stop yourself, you laugh. "Shocking," your tone is dripping with sarcasm.
Sunghoon snaps his head towards you, eyes narrowing as if daring you to continue. "What did you say?"
You press your lips together, feigning innocence, but Sunghoon knows you too well for that and his glare only deepens. And for the first time, instead of just irritating you, the sight of him so obviously affected by your words is a little entertaining.
Interesting you think to yourself as you continue with the lesson, now far too aware of how the tension in the air has shifted ever so slightly. He doesn't move from his spot in the other room, or stop staring at you two, but now whenever you look up at him, instead of being able to meet your gaze he quickly looks away, pretending to be occupied with his game. You can't help but find it just a little amusing.
Soon your lesson draws to an end and you begin to pack your materials away into your bag, thanking Yeji for working hard and listening to you - though you're interrupted by a deep rumble in the distance, followed by the sound of light rain. By the time you make it to the front door though, it's gotten much heavier and the plans you had to catch the bus home seem bleak. It isn't like you have much choice though, and you pull your hoodie over your head with a defeated sigh.
"You can't walk home in that," Yeji announces dramatically, clinging to your arm as she looks out at the heavy rain. Suddenly she perks up as if met with a great idea, and turns to her brother - who has been pretending not to listen from the living room. "Hoonie, can you drive her?"
He barely looks up from his phone, though there's a slight delay in his response. "No."
"Why not?" she pouts.
"Not my problem," he mutters.
You roll your eyes, typical you think to yourself as you step towards the door. "It's fine, Yeji, I'll just-"
"You're seriously going to make her walk in this rain?" Yeji cries out as she walks over to her brother on the couch, "What if she gets sick? Then I'll be sad, and when I'm sad I don't do my homework. And if I don't do my homework, I'll fail and when I fail-"
"Fine," Sunghoon groans, rubbing his temple as he pushes himself off the couch in a swift movement. He walks past you, grabbing his keys and twirling them around his finger coolly. "Get in the car before I change my mind," he says sternly.
You narrow your eyes at him and are about to deny his offer but the rain doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon, and you're not stupid enough to reject a free ride out of pride alone.
"Alright," you sigh, shooting Yeji one last thankful look before following her brother out to his car.
"You live in the dorms on campus, right?" he asks casually. The rain hits the windshields of his car with a harsh rhythm, filling the silence between you two as you get in. The hum of the engine is the only other sound as he pulls out of the driveway, one slender hand lazily resting on the wheel.
"Yeah," you say curtly, not even stopping to wonder how he could've known that. You're too busy holding a grudge against his ability to make every move seem so gracefully effortless, even turning a steering wheel.
You sit stiffly in the passenger seat beside him, eyes fixed straight on the road ahead. You'll admit the car is nicer than you expected - spotless, the faint scent of something clean, a little floral, in the air - but you refuse to acknowledge it, just like you refuse to acknowledge that being here, alone with him, feels weirdly intimate.
It doesn't help that he hasn't said another word since you both got in, not that you were expecting him to, but still - the awkward silence feels heavier than it should. You steal a quick glance at him out of the corner of your eye once the car reaches a red light - only to find that he's already looking at you.
Your breath hitches for just a second, but you recover quickly in hopes that he won’t notice your reaction. “What?” you huff, raising an unimpressed brow.
His eyes turn back to the road just as quickly, expression unreadable as the light turns green. “Nothing.”
You sink back in your seat and the silence resumes, but with its temporary break, you feel compelled to keep up the conversation, even if it means more childish bickering.
“I hope you don’t expect anything in return for this,” you say, turning to face forward again - but your attention piques once you hear a faint noise from him. It’s something you’ve never heard before, something just quiet enough that you almost didn’t hear it over the drumming rain, but you’re glad you did because you swear you just heard Park Sunghoon laugh.
"When have I ever expected anything from you," he spits, but the usual malice in his tone is tinged with amusement.
"I'm just saying, don't think that just because you're doing this for me that anything's going to change," you huff, "if it weren't for Yeji you probably couldn't care less about me anyways."
Sunghoon hums, the corners of his lips twitching as if he's holding back another laugh - he doesn't deny it, which somehow annoys you more than if he had outright agreed. Instead, he just shifts gears smoothly, eyes fixed on the road and you hate the way you find your gaze lingering on his profile for just a little too long.
"You sound disappointed," he muses after a beat.
You scoff defensively, crossing your arms. "Yeah, right." You've always hated how easily he could read you.
He just nods ever so slightly and doesn't press for more but the silence that follows feels a little different now, less tense. You shift in your seat and try to ignore the way your heart is starting to beat just a little too fast or the fact that you're waiting for him to say something.
After a moment, he exhales, fingers tapping the steering wheel. "For the record," he sighs, his tone almost confessional, "I don't not care about you."
You crane your neck, searching his face for any sign that he's messing with you right now, a glint in his eye, his signature cocky smirk - but his expression is again unreadable. Instead, you watch the outline of his jaw shift slightly, almost as if he regrets his words, but he doesn't take it back.
You swallow nervously, unsure entirely of what to do with this new information. "Good to know," you say slowly, looking away before he can see how much that single sentence has affected you.
As you do, you're suddenly desperate for an opportunity to change the topic. "How come this whole time I never knew you had a younger sister?"
"Well it's not exactly like you know much about my personal life," he scoffs - and you have to admit he's right.
"I mean, it's not like you're an open book or anything," you reply, "takes me ages just to figure out what you're thinking half the time with that blank expression. It's hard to believe you and Yeji are even related."
"Right because a guy my age should totally be acting like a middle school girl," he nods mockingly.
"You get what I'm saying," you sigh, going quiet for a minute as you think about what to say next. "She looks up to you a lot, you know," is what you land on, trying to balance your tone between sounding casual and earnest.
You watch as he scoffs, and shakes off your comment with a slight shake of his head. "I'm serious," you say, "she talks about you like you're a superhero or something, even when she complains about you, it's obvious you mean a lot to her."
Even though his expression barely changes, you watch his fingers tighten slightly on the wheel - and the beat of silence before his response is enough to tell you that he's not used to hearing things like this. You find it interesting how even though you're practically complimenting him, he responds as if he's unsettled.
"Whatever, she's young and annoying," he finally mutters - though for the first time, there's no real malice to his tone, only something defensive.
"You're deflecting," you point out. This side of him, the one that's quiet and easily affected by your words, is one you've rarely gotten to see and if you're being completely honest, you're enjoying this far too much to let it go. "I think you like knowing she looks up to you."
He huffs, clearly growing tired of your prying. "And I think you like hearing yourself talk."
You roll your eyes, but before you can shoot back with another remark, he beats you to it. "And whilst we're prying into my personal life, Yeji mentioned something interesting earlier."
You pause, suddenly wary. "Oh?"
He flicks his turn signal on, voice infuriatingly casual. "Apparently, you remind her of my ex."
You feel your stomach lurch, followed quickly by a heat creeping up your face. "Excuse me?" is all you can manage to say.
His lips curl slightly, and it becomes clear that he only mentioned this to see your reaction. "Not in looks or anything," he clarifies, glancing briefly at you before focusing back on the road. "Personality-wise, she said you both have a way of getting under my skin."
You scoff, feeling an odd mix of feeling, irritation and something you don't really want to name. "Wow, should I be flattered or insulted?"
"That depends," he muses, "my ex was kinda terrible."
"Seriously?" you gape, shocked at how bold he's being in sharing this with you, "sounds like you're just butthurt from being dumped."
He actually laughs - fully this time, not just the ghost of a chuckle he let out before. It's still short, and a little quiet, but for some reason it makes your chest tighten.
"Relax," he says, tone laced with amusement, "she wasn't all bad, but she did have this habit of always arguing with me, nitpicking things I did just for the sake of it."
You avoid his gaze, picking up on his signals just a little too quickly. "Sounds familiar," you mutter as you look out the car window at the rain.
You don't need to turn back to know his smirk depends, "Exactly."
The air has shifted completely now. The tension is still there, humming under the surface, but it's now covered by something else - something lighter, more playful, and charged in a way that makes you hyper-aware of how close the two of you are.
Then, just as you think the conversation is over, he speaks again - this time softer, almost absentmindedly.
"But I guess the difference is, I never really cared what she thought of me."
It's such an offhand comment, something he's thrown out just to fill the silence. But something about it sticks to you, lingering in your mind as you nod, unsure of how to respond, and so you don't.
You spot the familiar sight of the dorms approach in the distance and even though you're compelled to feel relieved that this torturous car ride is drawing to an end - a tiny part of you can't help but feel a little disappointed that this seemingly rare opportunity is ending. Swiftly, he pulls up to the front entrance, parking smoothly and effortlessly.
As you move to undo your seatbelt, he stops you once again with his words. "Hey, I hope you're not going to stop tutoring Yeji, by the way," he's turned to face you now, but his eyes are avoiding yours.
You furrow your brows, both at his words and his unusual expression. "Why would I?" you say slowly.
"Well, I mean, I just figured because of me and everything-" he begins to ramble, and it's the first time you've seen him stumble over his words like this.
"Relax, I hate you, not her, remember." You say it in the same teasing tone you've always used for him, but it seems to land heavier than you expected with how he turns back to face the steering wheel, his lips forming a thin line.
You linger for a moment, and something about the air between you feels different - like you're standing on the edge of something neither of you can name. Sunghoon's hand is still resting on the gear shift, his fingers drumming against the leather in a steady rhythm.
"Right," he replies curtly, almost to himself and you can sense just a hint of disappointment in his tone.
You should leave it at that, you know you should. But something about the way he's gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly, or how his jaw is tensed ever so slightly, makes you want to press just a little further.
"Unless," you hum, tilting your head slightly, "you'd actually miss me if I stopped coming around?"
"Yeji would," he replies almost immediately - but you don't miss the way his shoulders go rigid for just a fraction of a second before he speaks.
"You didn't deny it," you smirk.
At this, he finally looks at you and there's something about the way he does it - something heavier than the usual irritation or exasperation you're used to. His gaze lingers, his expression unreadable and for a split second, you wonder if you've pushed too far.
But then, he exhales, something softer flickering across his features before he quickly pulls them back into indifference. "Just get out of my car before I start charging you for emotional distress."
You roll your eyes, but do as he says, reaching for the door handle and pushing it open just as the rain continues to pour outside.
"See you next time, Park," you say, "and drive safe."
"Don't tell me what to do," he huffs, though there's a playful tone in his voice as he smirks at you.
You return his look, satisfied, and finally push the door shut - watching as he shifts into gear, headlights illuminating the street. You know you should get inside and out of the rain immediately but you can’t help but watch as he drives off, heart thrumming in your chest as you find the beaming smile on your face lingering. You shake your heard at yourself, almost as if to shake away your thoughts, before turning to head into the dorm.
What you don’t see though, is the way Sunghoon glances in his rearview mirror one last time before turning away, just to catch a glimpse of you before you do.
#park sunghoon#sunghoon x reader#sunghoon enhypen#sunghoon imagines#sunghoon fluff#sunghoon fic#sunghoon fanfic#sunghoon x you#enhypen#enhypen drabbles#enhypen x reader#enhypen x you#enha#sunghoon oneshot#park sunghoon x reader#park sunghoon imagines#park sunghoon fanfic#park sunghoon fluff#park sunghoon fic#park sunghoon x you#park sunghoon x y/n#sunghoon headcanons#park sunghoon headcanons#purinfelix#jet writes ★
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heh heh……. I guess it is true what they say about liberals….. hand them sources based on solid polling…..
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You telll them “Hey, you know you’re supposed to court voters right..? that’s how democracy works…” They call you an idealistic leftist… They say “hey this genocide is wrong…” and they call you an idealistic leftist, most of the country starts to say “hey this genocide is wrong…..” and they still call you an idealistic leftist…/ that you somehow brainwashed millions of voters with your sub 6k tumblr blog account……..
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They Say…. “Oh, what do you mean Kamala Harris should have stopped supporting genocide… you one issue voter…. like there isn’t a FUCK TON OF MORE ISSUES THAN THAT……..” Like having your own morals… and empathy for the marginalized in our own country doesn’t matter… Like how there’s so much other polling on how kamala fucked up…. she didn’t even run on medicare for all….
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You hand them poll after poll… PEOPLE DO HAVE MORALS….. THEY DON’T WANT GENOCIDE…. THEY WANT RADICAL SOLUTIONS TO THEIR PROBLEMS AND TO HELP PEOPLE……They ignore it… call you an idiot for even using physical evidence….. Most people start adjusting their strategy after an obvious fucking messaging issue. But they didn’t… Biden was doing a Genocide for a year and liberals didn’t care…, Biden increased deportations and gave trump this infrastructure and liberals didn’t care…,,, Only when they realized that that support of genocide might actually affect them with electoral consequences…. they say… “Why not just get in line?
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“WHY NOT…? AFTER ALL I BENEFIT FROM THIS SYSTEM… YOU MIGHT EVENTUALLY GET A CEASEFIRE. I DON’T CARE IF TENS OF THOUSANDS OF INNOCENT PEOPLE ARE DEAD. I DON’T CARE ABOUT GENOCIDE. WHY DO YOU WANT TO AFFECT ME?”
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LIKE YOUR COMFORT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE HARM THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY CAUSED…: You ASSUME YOUR LIFE MATTERS MORE THAN PALESTINIANS. YOU ARE JUST SOMEBODY BORN ON A COUNTRY BORN IN IMPERIAL SUCCESS. JUSTICE MUST HAPPEN FOR ALL. FOR A HEALTHY WORLD TO CONTINUE THIS SHIT MUST END. THIS SYSTEM CANT EVEN ABIDE BASIC REFORM….. BY YOUR DEMOCRATIC PARTY… WAS IN FULL FUCKING CONTROL OF IT BUT DIDNT WANT TO DO ANYTHING… “ONE ISSUE VOTERS…. Radical climate protestors…..” ALL OF IT WAS SAID. LIKE POLITICS IS JUST ABOUT CONVIENCE. ITS NOT. YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO PEOPLE, YOU HAVE TO EARN THEIR VOTE WITH GOOD POLICIES THAT HELP PROPLE.
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EVEN WHEN IT’S INCONVENIENT FOR YOU. YOU HAVE TO SAY “I AGREE WITH THESE GENOCIDE PROTESTORS…. WHICH IS MOST OF THE FUCKING COUNTRY BY THE WAY.” BECAUSE PEOPLE HAVE MORALS. EVEN IF THEY ARE “ ONE ISSUE VOTERS” YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THEM!!!!! THATS BASIC FUCKING POLITICS!!!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU THINKING “ONE ISSUE VOTERS *AGAIN PEOPLE AGAINST GENOCIDE” DONT DESERVE TO SPEAK UP???? THEN THEY WONT WANT TO VOTE FOR YOU.” THIS IS OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE… EXCEPT THIS DUMBASS.:…
Your immoral dumbass won’t even see me in the next life.
Heh… I guess I do need to name this technique… How about…:
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SPECIAL BLOCK CANON
…..
Donate if you can
Nader’s fundraiser had to be re-done https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-nader-alanqar-and-his-family-overcome-this-war-in-gaza
“Caring about gaza is unpopular with americans.” Kamala literally lost every swing state because of her genocide. There was fucking polling done. What the fuck do you do with these god damn idealistically racist liberals who refuse to look at political reality. Don’t you fucking dare let these racist motherfuckers rewrite history blaming the left still when Kamala was backing genocide for a fucking year.
You’re the unpopular out of touch people!!!!! What is wrong with democrat defenders. Kamala Harris was in power and refused to court voters by even lying about ending genocide, that’s how fucking elections work!!!!!!
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kind of expected that the ability breakdown wouldnt get that much traction (especially on twitter bc if it doesnt do well in the first few hours it might as well be dead) but what i didnt need to wake up to was looking at my twitter notifications and thinking there was a long comment on it at first but then i read it and it turned out to be some guy having dug up one of my old totk tweets where i talked about how zelda was treated-
and if a quote retweet with a thread attached already starts with "this entitled brat didnt understand that zelda was being a history nerd by being in the past and getting to experience it herself" with two screenshots attached of the end of totk with zelda staring at the cam all uwu (which has ??? to do with their point??) i dont even want to know what else was in that thread
if thats how the majority of the fandom is then im even less surprised that nintendy doesnt even have to try to write anything good :I
ah yes, i am a game nerd, and by putting me in a game where i stand around doing puppy dog eyes while being shoved around by NPCs is me being a game nerd OBVIOSULY
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#sorta#like ok im not saying you cant like the game ffs#but acting like everything is perfect and anyone who dares speak something critical is a heathen and must be PUNISHED or PROVEN WRONG-#-is so godammn annoying#just went on their profile to block and of course it was all screenshots of totks ending with uwu zelda and shirtless cool guy link#also find it interesting that zelda has always been a history nerd now#didnt know interest in shiekah tech and ... frogs? counted as historian#and dont get me wrong it would fit her being interested in that too but the way it was done in totk felt so artificial#like doesnt she say she read in a book that the king who founded this hyrule was called rauru and all that?#like ........ how did that even happen#a book that mentions him BY NAME surviving for WAY OVER TEN THOUSAND YEARS just convenietnly materializing or what#how the hell did that survive when next to nothing did of the ancient shiekah#(granted you can make the argument that the -other- ancient king of hyrule that persecuted them destroyed most of their stuff-#-which would make sense and im rolling with that too but you get my point??)#but raurus shit was even older than shiekah stuff like ......... ok???? how convenient she now suddendly is interested in nothing but#-that and also read a book about it!!! somehow!!#also how does something like that exist but then the sonau where pretty much non existent and irrelevant at all in botw#and even what we had was ACTUALLY done ..by hylians as a tribute to rauru you seeeeeeee#and the botw sonau style was the hylians work .. even though the totk sonau style aligns more with hylian than botw sonau..#if the hylians were so grateful to rauru they built giant stone monuments as a tribute for him that didnt even fit their style-#-why was that the only stuff that survived on the surface ... wouldnt it make more sense that they would maintain the og sonau stuff instea#sure the temple ... castle .. whatever went up into the sky and whatver SOEMEHOW but not everythign did and it was everwhere#but then the stuff left on the surface crumbled away while everything left to rot in the underground and sky is just .. fine#what#also ... where did their castle go anyway#like ... we only see the -new cooler sonau- temple of time on the plateau but its interior doesnt match at all with the throne room#so where was all that#funny it wasnt in the same place as hyrule castle
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suggesting something,,
#akoya gero#my art#.........i meant for him to be talking to kinchan and originally had him say 'president'#but then i thought i'll leave it ambiguous.........#..........#im suffering with embarrassment from whatever the hell i was on about last weekend#the tags about the game made me remember an old ....thing i wanted and i couldnt stop thinking about it#like actually i really wanted it but i can't.... i can't just say it in public to no one and just leave it out there#i want someone to know what it is and be nice to me about it but i don't want to be made fun of ;;;;;;;;#my feelings manifested into an akoya ........#he.. wants to do ...something with kinchan i guess... orz#please dont guess it's anything i haven't drawn before... but its probably safe to guess its something ive drawn before ....... ;;#OWWWWW A JAPANESE PERSON SAID SOMETHING CUTE ABOUT THIS AND IM EMBARRASSED;;;;;#they were like '?!! what's wrong? why is he crying?!!'#HES CRYING CUZ HES EMBARRASSED. IM EMBARRASSEd..... im sorry .....#i want to say it but i dont want to if i dont know if anyone will be nice to me ;;;;;;;;;#i.. i cant explain to the nice japanese person bc im too embarrassed .....#it's ooc and doesn't make sense in canon .......#but.. i was happy they asked why he was crying... thank you.... ;___;#........i responded to it after all#but i can't explain more than that he wants to ask for somehting but he's too embarrassed so he's crying
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sorry im convinced that a decent chunk of scourge fans either havent read the comics at all or just made up a guy in their head to give scourge's design to because why do so many people keep trying to make him into a traumatized sadboy. "scourge isnt evil hes actually just deeply traumatized and lashing out because hes sad" no hes not hes literally just an asshole ????? what
#this is about scourge the hedgehog not scourge warriorcats btw before anyone gets confused. because someone always gets confused#unless IM the one whos wrong and im missing something really important???#but ive read all of archie and i dont remember anything in the comic that backs up this idea of scourge#im not even saying you cant like scourge but i dont get why so many people say they like him and then twist him into something hes not#like do you REALLY like scourge as a character. or do you just like the vague concept of sonic from the evil mirror dimension#and try to fit scourge into your preferred take on that concept even if it doesnt reflect how he actually acts in the comics#im just confused about what people mean when they say hes super traumatized and thats why he turned evil#like. the comics dont really back up that idea at all. where are you getting that stuff from.#once again im not vagueing anyone in particular this is just a thing ive seen a lot over the years
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Its sooooo funny how little you can trust Google with anything cherokee at all. Like, you'll Google something and 0 sources actually come from us and its all just Wrong.
Like, if you search 'cherokee word for themselves' everything will say 'Ani'-Yun'Wiya' which.. no one ever uses like that anymore lol. It's also misspelled, it's from one guys book from 1900 where he used 'uñ' to denote our nasaled 'v' sound [like the u in fun but more nasaly] and then everyone just started using a regular N? It's aniyvwiya, and the direct translation is 'principle people', but it just means native haha
I can't say I have much experience being around cherokee speakers or anything but like... most people I've seen will just say cherokee if they're speaking English. [And I've heard the same from friends who do interact more with speakers] Cherokee isn't like some English words for native people in that its meaning is derogatory, it's just muskogee for 'people who speak a different language' and I havent seen anyone have an issue with it. When speaking cherokee, people say tsalagi which.. means cherokee lol.
#i see people with 'aniyunwiya' in their bios and its kinda silly#like. why are you even identifying as this if the stuff you know about it is wrong shit from google ??#do you even like. talk to cherokees ever#which idk my friend has talked before about people who will Panic and hide if an actual native talks to them even very politely correcting#something they got wrong like. why are you even doing this if you cant handle being questioned or looked at my actual people ???#[panic and hide as in like. delete posts or block or something not like in person lol]#people love to treat it as like. a fun identity they can put in their bios and maybe theyll look up some stuff or watch a youtube video#like yall. reconnecting isnt a fun word for 'i just found this out recently' its like. an actual Process you have to Work on#and its reconnecting to Community and the actual people ?? why are you even doing it if its just a performance for a nonnative audience#and you freak out when a native looks at you ??? what#anyway. im rambling lol#its just So funny and frustrating seeing people making being native a big part of their identity and they do native art and#have their display name in syllabary and shit. and then say theyre 'Ani'-Yun'wiya'#IDK. IDK idk im just milling over this this morning#reconnecting#sure itll go in there lol.
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Holy fuck, man. What a trip Fearne has been on, huh?
You tell her how grateful you are to have her in your life, you flatter her, you tell her you need her, that you have to do this together. You have her make a promise that has this woman, born of chaos and fey, agreeing through shaking hands and a trembling voice.
You make her deceive your friends; you make her follow where they cannot know; you make her help you into this contraption; you make her feed this thing into you despite the fact that you both have been warned extensively of the risks. You make her watch you crumble and splinter and shatter and fracture and burst and implode. You make her watch you die, over and over and over and over, for a minute in agonizing bullet time.
You make her do all these things, because when she tries to back out, when she tries to not be the one who let you do this—how could you do this—
you tell her, "YOU PROMISED."
Because if there's one thing you know, it's that the fey do not break a promise.
#cant wait for her to fucking pissed for a very long time. shes really packing the entire human experience in a very short period of time.#critical role#cr spoilers#c3e77#fearne calloway#ashton greymoore#bells hells#just gonna get ahead of the um actually mfs and state that i am aware that its not confirmed that thats why ash brought up the promise#but boy howdy would it make for some great drama down the line huh?#edit: apparently i did not get ahead enough cuz ive had to turn off replies#since ppl were somehow interpreting this mini introspection piece as me infantilizing fearne??#anyway the first line is now changed to something a bit more neutral. after sleeping on it i do see how it was a bit aggressive at the top#other than that im not sure how else to reword without completely disregarding the core of the post#i might make more posts addressing this but im not sure yet. i wanna try to approach it in the best way possible.#but if it helps any the point of the post was not to say fearne had no agency. she had plenty of moments where she tilted one way or the#other. the POINT was to just shine some light on the emotional pressure she had been put under.#hasnt your friend ever asked you to keep a secret or promise that felt wrong or unsafe or made you anxious?#it has nothing to do with the amount of agency she had. ash wasnt holding a knife to her throat and forcing her to follow against her will#all i was trying to do was take this detail about his reminder of the promise that i thought was interesting and have some fun writing an#overview of the kinda stress she was under BEFORE theyd reached that scene. this entire ep was everyone discussing how grateful they were#for this family theyd made. and while im not saying ash was PURPOSELY emotionally manipulating fearne..#there is a level of unintentional manipulation when you pair the severity of his request with the convo theyd had 2 seconds prior#as well as the desperate need they all have to save each other NO MATTER WHAT.#ash was giving incredibly strong energy of a friend who peer pressures you into helping them do something that you know in your gut WILL#cause problems. hes a fucked up guy. theyre all fucked up guys. even if he didnt mean to “force” her into anything the pressure was THERE.#<- i feel like all of this overall gets my message across. i think maybe ill clean it up later into its own post.#im gonna try not to rush myself to get it done tho.#im under no obligation to explain myself. especially when ppl approach the misunderstanding by being rude af. but i do think it CAN#be clarified so id at least like to try to some degree
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why does writing an essay make me want to die a violent death
#delete later#its my last essay#already overdue thats mb theres something wrong with me that makes me feel better if i start it after its due#but oh my god i can feel my brain melting and ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww#i just cant care for it#and yet it also stresses me out so bad#i HATE WRITTTING ESSAY GAHHHHHHHFHHF#like i DONT CARE there is something missing in my brain and i can feel it whenever i have to write#like this is so simple i should be able to bs a paper without wanting to crash my bike into a bridge????what is wrong with me actually#i think i need to medicated but also if i accept that im going to have to accept that ive suffered my entire life writing for a grade#i hate myself genuinely why do id o this why do i stress this is so easy for other people its litterally my last essay hopefully ever and#its so easy this should be so easy#writing for a class makes me as suicidal as pmsing does do you understand#i also probably need to be medicated for that but i dont have insurance or time to care#I DONT CAREEE says the guy that stresses and is stressing and is yapping in tags#i hate this lol delete later probably after this fuckass essay
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ofc the tears-hair-out issue with banning the destruction of religious symbols and items as hate speech (ie burning the quran) in scandinavia is that until very very recently this was not primarily a tool for the white conservative majority to oppress a religious minority. but most commonly used by political refugees to protest the religious regimes they fled from. it was co-opted, very consciously, by white supremacists. this is not a secret, no one is hiding this. and that is also why, when ie turkey points to "they burn the quran over there" as a reason sweden shouldnt be allowed in nato, one might think it's maybe not *just* about the likes of paludan, especially when the other half of that claim is "and also they hide kurds."
#i wish they would stop also but unfortunately#its kinda tricky to ban protest against a major world religion without#also banning protest against a major world religion#without hinging it on intent#without getting into thought crime territory#'why are the police allowing those protests'#because it is legal to protest and even if one can say pretty certainly that someone at that protest is going to use actual hate speech#you cant punish someone for doing something they havent done yet#listen i love punching nazi memes as much as the next guy but some things#are just really fuckin tricky to regulate by law#without taking the wrong kind of step towards yknow. authoritarianism#I DONT LIKE IT EITHER.
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Note to self: word prayers better when doing divinatory sessions
I think I've mentioned this before, but I do yes/no stone pulls on Sundays to ask for guidance about maintaining my health re: my commute because it's 2-2.5 hours each way via public transit if everything runs on time. It's rough on me in multiple ways and can lead to even more migraines than usual or being too fatigued to work at all, and it can be difficult to tell whether I'll have the spoons to go in person.
This past Sunday I was exhausted & stressed because of, you know, the horrors, and said my initial prayer a little differently than I usually do. I still invoked Apollo and Hermes as always, as both of them cover divination by lots, Apollo's domain covers health & disease, and he's the one I turn to for divination by default.
Now, the vast majority of the guidance and lessons Apollo has given have had to do with recognizing my physical & mental limits, especially around this issue. The answers I was getting this time around were...odd but not quite in the way they have been with just dud pulls, so I started asking clarifying questions to figure out what was going on. After a few - establishing that there was a reason for the answers but it wasn't a test or punishment or Apollo messing with me (which would have been. odd) - I realized that while I'd invoked Hermes as a god of divination by lots alongside Apollo, I had not explicitly asked him to act as a messenger and aid in communication this time around, nor had I asked Apollo to guide the divination session with the wording I usually use.
I think you can see where I'm going with this.
I re-said the prayer (correctly this time) and confirmed that it was, in fact, Hermes at first while re-doing the initial set of questions (which were much more consistent in the usual way), as well as confirming that the issue was the prayer wording. Lesson learned lol
#full transparency: shortly after the initial set of re-do questions i had a panic attack/meltdown (b/c of. again. the Horrors)#that was made worse by the third part of the session (some questions i thought to ask after the re-dos) being a dud#i did another pull wednesday morning after i had had a couple days to recover & the biggest stressor was over with#& i felt ready to re-engage with it#(& also knew that not clarifying the last part of the pull would make the Everything worse)#and i asked about each section (hermes -> commute question re-do -> the Bad Times questions)#and got *another* confirmation that it was actually hermes at first & that the middle section was accurate and (thankfully) that#the last one was not#i check my work *thoroughly* b/c tangible external things like divination are the most reliable things i have#b/c i cant always trust internal cues#coriander says#helpol#apollo#apollon#hermes#hellenic pagan#hellenic polytheism#hellenic community#divination#also! to be clear! ymmv when worshipping/working with/etc. deities#just b/c this was my experience doesnt mean this will be your experience!#also also. i personally dont believe all of the gods might do the sort of thing hermes did. he's a trickster god#which is why the possibility that it was him was on my radar in the first place#apollo doesnt have trickster aspects afaik (i could be wrong!) so it seemed off. and hermes wasnt. like. *impersonating* apollo#i didnt ask explicitly who it was at first b/c that's not a necessary part of my process- you dont *need* to clarify by default in helpol#& now that i know why it happened i can avoid the situation in the future & have a data point to compare to in case it *does* happen again
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ive been unhealthily fixated on kubosai for the past few weeks, i just have no idea how to put it into words. kuboyasu aren and saiki kusuo are in love btw
#they are.#been thinking a lot about t*rusai and k*bosai and all three of them together#(really long rant in these tags that shouldve been a rant post but im not changing it soz i got carried away LMAO->)#see the thing is that k*bosai is my absolute favorite ship ever. but i get genuinely pissed when people smack talk t*rusai#idk like i get why people wouldnt ship kbs and i really dont care. and i also get that a lot of people have differing opinions and-#wont ship trsai. i honestly cant wrap my head around why (other than people who just hate teruhashi and are misogynistic) but im okay with-#agreeing to disagree and i dont care yk??#but people so often make these long discussion posts just yapping and yapping and making up shit about how trsa 'wouldnt work'#and its always just... actual complete bullshit. like unreadable word vomit.#sorry. but its true.#thats why it gets me so mad#i cant think of a single reason why you would feel the need to do that#why cant you be normal and just. not like a ship. just dont like it. hate it even. but dont make up shit just to shit on it#its so dumb i have to force myself to just scroll past them every time i encounter one#usually on tiktok or tumblr#if i read them i wont be able to stop myself from making the most concerned and upset noises ever cuz what is actually wrong with you#theyre always the biggest dumbest stretches ever and they ignore their actual development and pretend it didnt happen#it just makes me wonder why people are so okay with making fun of that ship but get mad if anyone even dislikes theirs#and then they complain about people 'shitting on their opinion'#LIKE ?? NOBODY CARES THAT U HATE THE SHIP. I CERTAINLY DONT GAF.#but ur in the main tags advertising ur hatred for it and sounding stupid as shit for no reason? UR SHITTING ON PEOPLES SHIP ON PURPOSE#AND THEN GETTING MAD AT ANYONE WHO EVEN SAYS 'i disagree actually' IM LAUGHING SO HARD STOP IM KILLING MYSELF#the one time i ever talked in that much detail about why i disliked a ship was bevause somebody specifically asked me#and yk what ?? i have literally gotten death threats over it. im not allowed to hate that ship but everyone else can do whatever i guess#okay sorry. rant over.#is that controversial i cant tell. i dont really care and im not tagging anyway#meows post
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I have not posted any of my analysis to reddit yet and I think I might just post it and ghost it. I've already spent too much time looking at other people's threads on there to feel any way good about interacting with folks.
I already went in an added the "I know you're going to bring this up let me save you the time" section which is exclusively touching on the frequent topics of:
"well what about the fingerprint nostrum and finger mimics? He is clearly just a crackpot"
And
"it's definitely some weird elaborate sacrifice to Metyr thing"
#if he's drinking hallucinogenic tea in his free time genuinely good for him. whatever man. i just do not think either of those items are-#at all relevant to the quest especially the nostrum because it is a placebo medicine and aint nothing fake about this shit#also i think theres a distinction between becoming fingers vs wanting to replace metyr? idk like as ive said i think he thinks he's-#better than the fingerweavers and rightfully so#like please come to a new conclusion other than “man this guy is on drugs”#also girl... metyr doesnt need sacrifices. like? where is that textually or in set design? metyr wants us to leave her the fuck alone#she's minding her own business EVERY TIME WE SPAWN INTO HER ZONE#like why are people so desperate for everything to have a dark undercurrent? not everything has to be some dark disney ass shit#“actually finding nemo is a hallucination & Marlin is insane & nemo is dead that movie is actually super fucked up & dory is a grim reaper”#like im sorry but this is how this extra shit all feels to me#like it is already fucked up and miserable?#is he 100% a good person? like thats genuinely person to person. theres personal gain from the quest#and hes definitely very good at getting what he wants#manipulate manifest mother#tail fingers on the vision board#devon yaps#and yap I did#like I don't want to be a bitch because yeah we should genuinely celebrate other peoples theories and hcs in these games#but i dont think “lol this guy is just on drugs” is one of those things#because i like spooky theories if theyre backed up.#but to say “its this weirdly horrible thing and youre all wrong” especially in his context is not great to me#Sorry. like may my own arrogance strike me down like the scholar i think i am 😤 farewell#because again its coming down to meeting this narrative without preconceived bias and most of the reddit stuff feels like-#“he is fucked up. won't say why. but i bet you know why i actually think this 🤫🤫🤫” like just you cant wrap your brain around guy mom#i do really want to reiterate this is about reddit shit. like i am so into people who love his character but interpret him more sinister💕😚#truly eating that shit up
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Just watched S09E11 of CSI, 'The Grave Shift', after last night's 'One to Go'. I don't think I'll ever recover from Grissom, my favorite character, leaving the show, but his exit was still beautiful and so, so Grissom. Him just telling the team "Yeah so, I'm leaving" and having little moments with each of them, warmed my heart (the character that represented me the most was David, who had to bolt out of the room after Grissom said, "I'll miss you, though", barely managing to hold back the tears before leaving).
And oh my god. His reunion with Sara. They didn't even need words and it was absolutely perfect. Watching Grissom feel physical pain from his break up with Sara broke my heart -- you can see how much he loves her. I hate that they'll break up again; I don't remember how or why exactly, but it feels unnecessary, but I'm comforted by the fact that, ultimately, they'll end up together for the rest of their lives.
One of the things I love about this episode is how they all paid a little homage to Grissom and, near the end, Nick, who was offered Grissom's office, invited Greg and Riley to share it with him. Fits right in with Nick's sweet personality. I love how he says they need all the good energy from that place. He's really Grissom's n#1 pupil ♡
(Shout out to Hodges, one of my favorite characters from this rewatch, walking in and bringing the pig fetus saying it belongs there. I love how bitter he is after Grissom left and how he's not willing to get over it any time soon. Forget David, Hodges is the character that represented me the most, lol).
I need to say, my brain completely ignored the fact that, when Grissom offered Ray Langston a job as a CSI he said that it was an "entry-level job". Instead, I thought he'd get the job as the team leader and it was weird for me to see him being so inexperienced at a job. But all of that is because, one, I haven't rewatched CSI in ten years and forgot about like, 97% of the show and two, I have rewatched Hannibal way too many times and got used to Laurence Fishburne playing a boss, and a damn good one. I do like his character, though!
I'm not a fan of Riley though. I don't know why, she seems mostly competent at her job, fit right in, but at the same time it's not really like she fit in? I felt like maybe she could have had some adaptation into the team, after all she was replacing a long-time team member, Warrick (will talk about him later). Her introduction and adaptation into the team felt a bit sudden and "inorganic" and maybe that's why I don't love her sassy remarks and sort of 'cool girl' personality. Yeah I love Sara but I don't love Riley for the reasons listed above. That could change, though!
Warrick. Oh, man. For Gedda/For Warrick were the most painful episodes to watch and I stalled for months. Some of the team got to have a nice last moment with him, others didn't. It broke my heart how at peace he was in his last hours, hanging out with the work fam, feeling relieved for not losing his job, which was a huge part of his life. I do hate that it had to end like that for him. I get that his death represented the loss of innocence, and that that team wasn't going to last forever... but it's just really painful. To know that he didn't have anyone else, only his soon, which we don't know if he was able to see often...
Too many things happening at once, too many changes, and bumpy ones, but I hope we'll get into a smooth road once again.
#csi#as for my last paragraph: i know it doesn't really lol#warrick's death just didn't feel right for me you know. the whole treatment of warrick just made me feel uncomfortable#in other simple words he deserved better. yes he was a flawed character. but i wouldve liked to see him happy okay#i really didnt want grissom to leave like I KNOOOW he comes back but he's my comfort character#he's literally a teddy bear have you seen him. the beard. the grandpa outfits. his calming voice. his adorable fascination with insects#william petersen is in his 70s now which is good because i can ask him to adopt me as his grandchild#scratch that bad idea i have a crush on grissom it wouldnt work#btw i didnt mention it in the text but they got LAURENCE FISHBURNE. THE laurence fishburne. i'm excited to see more of his character#i don't see much of riley on tumblr is my dislike for her actually a popular opinion? i mean if im not wrong she'll remain for#about two more seasons#that's a whole regular character people cant have forgotten about her#wait i just looked her up on the wiki#if she's not a well-liked character or even liked.... i get why#lmao#team catherine is all i'm going to say#i guess that's it for now
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anxiety anxiety, go away, come again never
#weeeee#vent#i dont know what im supposed to do#i dont know what anyone wants from me#im so tired#ive already donr so much#ive written essays upon essays#ive tried to make you laugh#ive tried to explain whats wrong with me#ive asked for help and recieved just try harder#and so i did try harder#and all i ever get for it all is a scrap of dopamine and relentless *exhaustion*#i feel so empty#nothing ever fills that void for long#even when im enjoying myself i always end up back here#i wanna make people laugh but i dont know how#so i just throw shit at the wall and sometimes it works#i wanna talk about things but i dont actually have anything to say#so i just scrape off the surface and reword it#and boom thats an essay#and ive done that so much#i can only reword the same bullshit so many times#i dont even understand why anyone likes any of my essays i just write them to focus my brain on something for oncw#and yet i keep doing the same stupid routine of misery as always#because i cant do anything else#and even feeling bad is better than feeling nothing#whoopdy do#oh ive hit the tag limit#i had some more self depreciation but whatever im tired#sighhhhhhhh
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Idk about all of you but it never sat right with me when people portrayed Dutch as evil, manipulative and money driven ever since begining. I mean pre-canon pre-gang begining.
I think if it really was that way there would be no way the gang would trust him that much and that blindly after making so many bad and dangerous decisions. I know from expierience that emotional manipulation can go far but not that far. I simply cant see the younger him as the giant asshole that he becomes during the second game. I believe that, in order to achieve this level of trust and loyalty he mustve really loved all of them.
In a way, i think he also loves them during the course of the second game in his own, twisted way. I think he truly wanted to get them out of the trouble he caused, but had no idea how, and with his own paranoia and whispers about traitor in the gang, he kept making desperate decisions that in the end, resulted in even more trouble and suffering.
Now, i know there were no traitors in the gang (not counting Micah) and if he got his head out of his ass he would probably realise that but sometimes i think about how he mustve felt, thinking that someone that he loved, raised and gave so much to, would turn back on him and the rest of their family, let them die for a pile of cash, not even realising he himself was doing exactly that, but that feeling alone would be enough to drive someone crazy.
Combine this with the grief he mustve felt for the fallen members and the fact that none of this has ever happened before Blackwater, he must have thought that him failing and showing weakness would be the reason someone would betray him and it would explain his insane plans and attempts at regaining control over the situation, only realising just how wrong he had been when he saw Arthur dying at his feet.
Im not apologising him and DEFINETELY not trying to paint him as innocent. He did manipulate Arthur and many others during the game but i think it came from a different place then just wanting money. And of course he wanted the money, his greed was one of the many reasons the gang ended the way it did but there were deeper reasons as to why he wanted them so desperately, besides just for the sake having them and i choose to believe it was because he really wanted to provide and have enough for his family to live comfortably.
I just think the way he acted during the second game was, as tragic as that sounds, mostly out of fear of losing the people he saw as his family. Not even realising it would be that fear that would eventually kill them all off.
#dutch van der linde#red dead redemption 2#rdr2#if you dont agree and think he was bad just because he was bad then alright im fine with it i could be wrong idk#i just like looking at certain characters and over analysing them and hes my current victim of this#i also think that he is the perfect exaple of that “path to hell is paved with good intentions” or however the saying goes#im not an english native speaker so im not sure i remember that correctly#i also have a theory on why hes such a monster in rdr1#but i have nowhere to play that game so i cant be sure if my theory actually matches up#idk man this game is making me feel things once again#and to that i respond by trying to make myself even sadder with there theories lol
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No I just think it's nice jimmy gave someone else flowers I just think that was really sweet and also I have art ideas about it that ill probably never do
#dead poppies and blooming lilacs. im going insane.#SHUT UPPP WHY DID SAUSAGE SAY SHIT ABOUT POPPIES !!!! STOP IT YOURE HURTING ME !!!!!!!#i.#i like.#i cant talk#its like#IDK ITS JUST NICE!!!! THAT JIMMY CAN GIVE SOMEONE FLOWERS!!!!!!! IT MAKES ME HAPPY!!!#because idk#its like.#its nice#that you can give someone flowers even though last time* you gave someone flowers it kinda uhhhhh went bad#because its been long enough and things can be good and YOU CAN GIVE PEOPLE FLOWERS AND ITS JUST NICE????#(* i do not actually think ALL THE WAY BACK IN 3RD LIFE was the last time jims handed another player a flower)#(i know he has done it after that and that wasnt the last time im just. using words wrong for affect)
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