#why cant i be happy with myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cozmic-wyatt · 28 days ago

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Jealousy

"These thoughts are selfish, your selfish... no, it's THEIR fault I'm like this."

These thoughts are normal right?

#just cope #wyatt #irl me thoughts be like #jealousy #i think im fine #why cant i be happy with myself

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blackkatdraws2 · 10 months ago

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There are more things in the Parable than Stanley knows about. [Blank Scripts AU]

#hoh boy i was going to make a comic to introduce these monsters but #i couldnt help myself and made an animation instead #because i just think they're so neat and cool okay #listen i cant for the life of me just infofump about my AU and OCs #because i just think that making actual content about my lore and stuff will not only raise the chances of people being interested #but also it will also raise my motivation to actually produce more content other than the same old recycled front-facing-profile drawings #i need to get creative with my stuff or I'll also loose interest and I DONT want that #in order to be happy with what i have i cant just think about it and expect to be given something new NOOOO i need to MAKE it ughh #i cant believe in order to get more content out of my own au i would need to draw it and feed myself ugh ugh ugh unbelievable (kidding)#but also #i wanna make a little music video or animation again for youtube #its been a hot while since ive uploaded anything in there at all #maybe an animation reel will do for now?#i hope so :(#because ive been working on expanding the Black Scripts AU #and honestly i dont regret it #i had a lot of fun making up scenarios and comics for Stanley and the Narrator (Black)#but yeah!#apart from this little video #you wont be getting an explanation on what these things are supposed to be #and why theyre there #actually i was originally gonna make this into a full fledge animation with sound effect/music/frame-by-frame movement/etc.#but i got lazy HAHA #tsp blank scripts au #tsp au #the stanley parable #the stanley parable ultra deluxe #tsp

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quinns-art-box · 11 months ago

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assorted ronpa sprite redraws and such <3 i needed to draw miss danganronpa herself at LEAST once!!! and i love the cast of the first game, i need to stop being busy so i can get back to markatoto's playthrough

#danganronpa #junko enoshima #sayaka maizono #makoto naegi #aoi asahina #sakura ogami #chihiro fujisaki #celestia ludenberg #mondo owada #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #idk why i cant just get myself to sit down and doodle characters i like LOL #its like my number one thing i struggle with. any fandom any character. wanna do it a lot more but i CANT

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moeblob · 8 months ago

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Happy Birthday to Ferdinand von Aegir!

I actually made 33 emotes, affectionately known as Aegirglyphics to some, for my own personal use on discord. However, I figure why not share some of them! They're free to use for discord servers/icons/pfps or whatever. However, my only request is Do NOT use them as subscriber emotes on Twitch. You can make them free follower emotes but you are not to make them locked behind a paywall.

#fe three houses #ferdinand von aegir #discord emotes #i thought long and hard about this bc idk the actual want for emotes i made ages ago but #i still love my son and its his bday ad so i should be nice and share #since i no longer have nitro and can no longer use them myself #the fact i can technically post 30 at once was tempting but #some of them arent living up to my standards and also just might not be easy to use in most contexts #so those im gonna skip on lol #whoever wants 21 aegirglyphics tho have at em #i think i might have posted some before? but only 10 and i dont recall which ones #if you want a secret the last three and the middle on the second row are my favorites to use #i used concernednand (the upper one) so much #the internet concerns me guys it was a valid use every time #debated sharing heartnand but honestly the world could benefit from it imo because gotta spread that love #fun lil trivia i love making emotes and so when i was in a server and people knew me as the ferdinand fan and artist #someone was like why hasnt salmon made a ferdinand emote yet #and im like bc i dont run the server and i cant just demand they add my art #and then a mod was like i didnt wanna put pressure on salmon but i thought about it so i was like bet #and then drew a server exclusive happy ferdinand emote #and that was the start of me somehow being able to have like.... ten emotes in that server #some of them were just me joking and then mods encouraging me #cause i used to use felix for every single art prompt theyd give and one week someone said the prompt was pog #and i just was so upset because dude why would i wanna draw felix for that hes not pog #so a mod was like hey if you make a pog felix emote we ill add it to the emotes here #so i once again was like bet and then posted it and then they really added it lmao #anyway sorry for so many rambles please feel free to use them on discord in whatever server #i cant really expect everyone to credit me but also im not really concerned since i fear people know my nands a mile away

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xulips · 2 years ago

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homophobic homosexual

#akitoya #project sekai #akito shinonome #shinonome akito #aoyagi toya #toya aoyagi #prsk #im sorry its so late i wanted to doodle smth before i go on exams !!!!! have akitoya #happy belated birthday toya 🥳#the reason why i nevee draw people kissing is not because i like to make myself suffer its just that I CANT DRAW PEPOPLE KISS

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exile-arc · 6 months ago

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it's meant to be the happy time of year - c!tommy + if we make it through december (phoebe bridgers cover)

❄️ / ❄️ / ❄️ / ❄️ / ❄️ / ❄️ / ❄️ / ❄️

#mine #tommyinnit #web weaving #dsmp #dsmp web weave #had to dig through the vods for this and felt myself actually seething at the fact they did this in a PRAIRIE #the song fits really well regardless but exile would have been SO much more atmospheric if it had been somewhere snowy #<- my opinion dont come after me i like the beacj vibes too but come on!!#also just easier for me the poor web weaver why didnt they think of ME #was gonna leave this for when i have more time but its ctommy day so I had to....#im ngl posting this when ctommy would have turned 20 has me feeling some type of way #like to me its yeah he DID make it thru december he got out he got himself out and now he is fine... maybe not in canon but #in MY head and my heart he is happy or becoming happy #idk maybe im just trying to excuse the fact that im posting a webweave abt december & winter in july #also ALSO #i knowww this would look so much cooler in audio visual format but unfortunately i cant edit and i certainly cant draw BUT im gonna try to #learn editing this summer and this will be my first project <3 so stay tuned if ur into that

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unriding · 2 months ago

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hi evie !! how have you been ? :33 i hope you dont mind me borrowing you and moze for something ehehe <3

#🐦‍⬛🐕 .#彡 nick!#彡 inbox.#evie.ss #omg good morning nick! my stomach literally twisted and flipped seeing this /pos /POS /the most positive gut wrenching feeling in existence #NICK AND THE REASON WAS ? WHY DO U NOT HAVE A KOFI LINK WHERE IS IT …. THIS ISNT OK I NEED TO FIND IT???? U CANNOT BE … BE …. BE UM … YOU K #I NEED TO 😭😭😭 I NEED ….. IS IT OBVIOUSLY IM CRYING WRITING THINSSJSJSN /pos /ULTRA POS THIS IS SO CUTE UR ART IS SOOOO AWESME IM SO IN AWE😭#typos: obvious* <- & barrier* -> amazing work evie #i broke the sound banner with the screech i made seeing this …. YOU … YOU DREW ME … THE EXACT WAY ….. I .. ITS SO SPOT ON I ????? I … IM #FLABBERGASTED . SHELL SHOCKED . GOBSMACKED IM SO OBSESSED WITH HOW U DID MY HAIR …. THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I DO MY HAID … AND THE CURLS ARE LI #LIKE THAT… IM SO OBSESSED WITH UR STYLE JSJSJJD HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I SAID IT???? UR STYLE IS MMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!! 1000/1000!!!!!! in specif #the colors … the colors are gorgeous and sooo nice to gaze at … the little wings … HOW DID YOU KNOW I LIKE- IM SO . (hugs knees and cries #YOU DREW THAT DRESS AWESOME-LY …. IM GENUINELY LOSING MY MIND AND I HAVENG EVEN .. looked at *him* ….. nick …. im complimenting it and i #can’t even see rn HEJSJCKCNITS BLURRY 😭😭 my head hurts so bad from sobbing but ive never been happier /pos IM SO ???? I LOVE HOW U DREW ME #i went to go triple check for the kofilink and found myself browsing through puppetgear tag once again u^u JENDNDKXJ oh my god . PLEASEEEEE #ok…. moze … he’s … so tiny .. he’s so cute … he looks so grumpy :’) /pos AND YOU .. u captured his squishable look omg….. he’s so teeny he’#literally as big as a fingernail on my phone im :’) HES POCKET SIZED I CANT BELIEVE U DID THIS /pos /ETERNALLY GRATEFUL #WHY 😭😭😭😭😭 YOURE SO KIND IM SO . IM SITTING ON THE FLOOR OF MY ROOM SNIFFLING AND HICCUPING AHENDNJXKC AND STARING AT THIS OF COUESE #i just saw the ask 😭 i definitely don’t mind im literally on my hands and knees to thank you and it’s still not enough JSNSNDNMC i have to #dig a dent in the hole and bow inside the hole …… it’s not enough … i genuinely love every square inch of this JSNDNXN i just adore … how u #did me … how u did moze (so— everything) even the circle in the background is a color that i adore 😞😞 sniffle …..#what a treat to see moze in ur style 😭😭 what a HUGE . Nice . AMAZING. TREAT . he looks so good in ur style UGH I WANNA FLOAT AWAY #the physical reaction i had in my stomach & head is unmatched /pos …. it’s vaguely similar to when u get called on in class while nervous .#and ur stomach flips .. but in a positive / EVSTATIC / insanely happy way … thank you so much omfg (link?) (please?) you are so kind ….#i don’t even know how to convey my gratefulness so im resorting to crying-staring-crying-staring-crying #(cries)#oh i never answered ur question haha :’) yea im great! :’) and you? :’)#im gonna put this in queue >/////< URK IM SO …. THANK U NICK ))))))):::: (link perhap?)#edit: OHHHH I SEE HOW U DID MY HAIR COLOR!!!!! that is so cool hello? it’s black- but not? and it fits so perfectly!!!! THAT IS SOO COOL WJ #NO WONDER I WAS ADMIRING THE COLORS EARLIER THIS IS SUCH A COOL THING (nonartist tries to explain how neat something is) NSNDNXKK

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pleasedontcareaboutme · 3 months ago

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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him #I always knew he was a parental figure for me #but now I connected the dots #How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life #that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so #and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life #ofc ud become attached #i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him #he occupies most of my thoughts honestly #But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life #i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an #bloom and be free #and that's what ill try to do #but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness #its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired #somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea #how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi #g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if #lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways #sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay #yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le #go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk #how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate #my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t #me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol #so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest #y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t #ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti #ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd

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niredsw · 28 days ago

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#the realization all my friends dont really love me as much as i think they love me and im mad at myself for getting sad with this #like why cant i just be myself but no i need to entertain people and “try” to be silly happy goofball all the time #because otherwise people wont like me #not the way i am #and i feel worse writing this #“oh woow look at me im an attention seeker little bitch who only vents at her friends or just makes them laugh”#“i have no other job amd people should like me like this because i am not a likeable person otherwise”#calling myself a “her” because i dont even think i deserve people respecting me or accepting me as who i am #chronic attention seeker at her finest people! come and watch her!#please dont let anyone see this i feel worse that way

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puppppppppy · 1 year ago

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i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed

#like we have so many ways of doing things that could help us in the long run but because we're told it requires more work we just cant #its too resource intensive. or maybe its too much to maintain. we have to overlook benefits so money can go into more important things #we teach each other to do things a certain way so it works for everyone but who was it convenient for first? what abt who it might hurt?#i have to wonder if the rules our current system uses is worth listening to or following if it doesnt have our best interests in mind. u an #me and the ppl around us.. would we be better off if i ate my meals knowing the person who grew it wanted to feed others the way they could #feed themselves? and that isnt to say we're going to be happy doing it but i guess satisfied that its helping someone instead of quietly #accepting that itll eventually go in the dumpster behind a grocery store because it stopped looking appetizing or it wasnt on sale anymore #what about building homes so we can shelter each other? what if we were satisfied with what we did because we knew it would be paid back #with kindness? isnt that what we evolved to do?? heal each others bones and tell stories and help each other??#why dont houses come with solar panels or generators unless we find a way to make people pay to use the sun? why is our pooled money used #to fund genocides instead of education and hospitals? whose interests and convenience came first when we started this??#i wont pretend to know the answer because i dont. but we all know we're miserable and im sorry to say that i cant see myself fighting #for a world that wont fight for me too. why do we work if we cant live from it?? why did they stop us from plucking more teeth from our #bosses until they could build more walls around themselves and then go back to underpaying us??#im so tired. i cant even imagine making it to age 70 #yapping #vent

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icewindandboringhorror · 8 months ago

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boy in silly sitting positions compilation

#cats #I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol #I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh #I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day #so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the #writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird #to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in #it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something #''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way #you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj #Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up #with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just #stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house #in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty #that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn #There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not #even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy #birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public #ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take #anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some #things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like #2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were #playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my #evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas

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buttercatrho · 1 month ago

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Saw someone post this (on the crosscode tag) and i am nothing if not a sheep and also very easily distractable Post 10 of your favorite female characters and see what it says about you

#only two of these characters are canon for certain gay truly this is hell #i limited myself to one from each franchise #cause otherwise there'd be 4 ddlc and 3 crosscode #maybe even 4 crosscode if i count hiln #i like her a lot she just infects my brain less #I'm very bad at remembering my interests on command i definitely forgot someone i adore #ill list a couple honorable mentions why not #hornet from hollow knight #Ruri from anne happy #love bullet but i cant choose rn i love all of them

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take-it-to-my-gravee · 3 months ago

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Its probably a really good thing that i dont own a gun or have access to one because right now without hesitation id have no problem sticking it in my mouth and blowing my fucking brains out. The metallic taste is enticing right now… fucking HELL dude.

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butterflies-exoskeleton · 6 months ago

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Going to be a good day ^_^

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honestlyitsjustsam · 1 month ago

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Astarion's confession scene is actually so sweet and heartbreaking, im so glad larian gave me the choice to be his friend because omg he needs one so badly

#one of the reasons why i can never bring myself to romance h #him i kinda know his backstory and it feels odd to me to try to romance a victim like him though #im not saying you cant i just personally wouldnt thus why im o happy that tav could heal his pain and be his bestie #ALSO SHE SHOULD HAVE HUGGED HIM GRAAAAH #bg3 babbling #bg3

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wormchaser · 4 months ago

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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.

i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.

#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a #conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit #when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never #messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou #none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but #i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come #easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to #someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as #something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not #know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the #first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk #significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i #was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything #i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems #specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most #of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came #to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here

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