#why can't i allow myself to not give a shit about anyone else like the rest of the planet | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

midnightshindig · 2 months ago

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hiii this isn’t a request i just wanted to counter ur post abt being a cecil apologist 😭😭 i know cecil isn’t wrong when it comes to his point abt being tje good guys or saving the world. like with how many L’s mark takes i would lowk do the same. but think of it from marks pov it’s hard to just tolerate someone that tried to kill you. cecil just handled the situation very poorly by refusing to communicate properly with mark. nothing extreme would’ve happens if cecil just have mark a two minute lecture on what he went through. and it was extremely unfair of cecil to expect mark to understand something as complex as this after a simple order when it took cecil three years in prison to learn the same thing. i’m not saying cecil is wrong for having a contingency but he’s wrong for immediately whipping it out when he should’ve deescalated 🗿

AHHH this has been in my drafts for WEEKS- oh my god fucking object permanence- what's that?

ugh okay so like this is a long one, everything under this line is the og draft I wrote in its entirety (written like two days after episode 3 dropped):

Okay- I should preface this with: I love arguing on the internet about shit that doesn't matter, your opinions are valid and you're 100% allowed to interpret this piece of media this way.

Okay so now i'm gonna break down season 3 episode 2's conflict between Mark and Cecil and explain myself better;

(preface: I believe strongly in prison reform and am a big advocate that almost all crime is systemic, and that anybody can be rehabilitated. This belief system colors how I interact with media. I'm around Mark's age so I won't use that as an excuse for his character, but I will take it into account)

So episode one kicks off their fight with Mark busting into Cecil's office. It looks like he's gone through the proper channels, and Cecil willingly let him in. Cecil is willing to see Mark, even knowing why he's there (via Darkwing II's warning). Mark bursts in, an aggressive tone, accusatory pointing finger, all at Cecil.

Cecil tells Mark in a stern, warning voice to calm down, Mark responds by approaching more and slamming his hands onto Cecils desk. No matter how you cut it, that's aggressive. Even if you and I know that Mark is a good person, and didn't come here to murder Cecil, that's still an aggressive act.

Mark is clearly upset about D.A. Sinclair, and Cecil gives him a-- very reasonable-- explanation that he can't fix his mistakes in prison. The idea of these people fixing their mistakes is so foreign to Mark-- rehabilitation is such a non-option to him, that he responds with "What are you even talking about?" Anything less than the fairy tale ideal of bad guys rotting mindlessly in prison isn't on the table for Mark. This is because he was raised by Nolan, with a very empirical view of morality and authority. Those who broke the law died or went to prison. End of story.

Mark expresses his disbelief that D.A Sinclair in particular can do good, that his mistakes cannot be rectified due to the continued impact they have on people. Cecil responds to this by assuring him that every reaniman D.A. Sinclair makes is from a donated corpse. He isn't hurting anyone else. It is HEAVILY implied that the "severe psychological reprogramming" Cecil mentions is straight-up psychological torture. Mark just. Isn't listening. He doesn't have the space in his head for an alternative worldview.

To Mark, the last time an authority figure tried to 'broaden his perspective', was when his father pummeled him into a mountain. It makes sense Mark is acting this way, but Mark is a child. Mark's superpowers don't make him qualified to decide right from wrong, Mark is not an elected or chosen official, and he hasn't even really been to college. He doesn't know where the Declaration of Independence is.

Cecil explains his rationale, that these people are repaying their debt. DA Sinclair could be in prison making license plates, or he could be making soldiers that save lives like they do twenty minutes earlier in the same episodes. and Mark's response? "That's bullshit and you know it" Like, not even an argument. He's just, angry. Which is fine! Mark is a teenager grappling with things he shouldn't have to, but that isn't Cecil's fault either.

Cecil tries to get Mark to think differently, asking if he should arrest Mark. This is where we see Mark's tangled internal logic, he can justify it however he wants, but the fact remains that Darkwing II killed for the same reasons Mark did, to ultimately save people and make the world a safer place. Mark didn't have a choice, or he didn't mean to, which is worse?

Cecil extends and olive branch, asking Mark very nicely to go home. Mark doesn't leave. This is a telling moment. Objectively, Cecil doesn't owe Mark anything. He gave him an explanation, he sympathized with Mark's concerns and validated the ethics of his operation. Mark is only able to continue his verbal assault on Cecil because... who's going to stop him? No conversation can happen in good faith under that kind of power dynamic.

ONLY after Mark tells Cecil "uh fuck you I do what I want and I'm not leaving until you do what I say" does Cecil even enter the white room. the room meant exclusively to protect Cecil. EVEN AFTER HES IN THE ROOM, Cecil gives Mark an "out", and tells him to go home before Mark does something he'll regret. It isn't a direct threat, it's simultaneously a threat and a genuine warning. Attacking Cecil starts Mark down a moral path that's hard to turn back from.

I want to note that throughout all of this, Cecil is levelheaded and calm, while Mark is gesturing and aggressive in his stances, and yelling nonstop.

Cecil says "please go" which, knowing Cecil in context of seasons 1 and 2, is likely a genuine plea for Mark to not have to become an enemy. Cecil doesn't WANT Mark to become another aggressive Viltrumite. He asks Mark SO nicely. and Mark is still in his battle stance, unwavering.

On to episode two!

I'm choosing to ignore Cecil's backstory, since this information isn't directly brought up and isn't available to Mark.

Cecil tells Mark the white room is for Cecil's protection, and we get that line again from Mark

"What are you even talking about?"

Mark is so insular, so isolated in his worldview that he cannot comprehend that yeah, duh, a totally normal old man would find it TERIFYING that you, a viltrumite teenager, are encroaching on him with aggressive body language and a raised voice. Me? I'd be fucking terrified. My boyfriend is like 6 5" and built like a fridge, he's strong as shit and has been since he was a kid. One of the things intimidating strong people learn is that they have to watch themselves, when you're so much stronger than everyone else, you don't get to show up and throw your arms around and yell and scream and point fingers when you're mad. It's unfair to Mark, but it's terrifying to Cecil. And Mark isn't even self-aware enough to know how scary he is on a conceptual level. He's so emotionally removed from what a viltrumite even is that he can't comprehend that he's capable of the same damage his father did to Chicago.

Cecil tries to explain this concept to Mark, and Mark responds with "Okay but I ONLY use my powers for good", he isn't able to even CONSIDER that to anybody who isn't him, that's not a guarantee. Omniman was good until he wasn't. Who's to say it couldn't happen again? Notice how not a single reaniman touches Mark in this scene. This is important for later.

Cecil is banking on his authority as an adult, lecturing Mark like a bratty child, with his hand on his hip. He can't show Mark the amount of power he has over Cecil or Mark WILL take advantage of it. There can't be a world where a nineteen-year-old strongarms a military official. Not to Cecil. Cecil calls Mark on his shit, and shames him for abusing his power and being closeminded, then he shares a vulnerability. Mark is scaring the shit out of him right now.

Mark responds by freaking out more, and the SPECIFIC LILT OF HIS VOICE- ugh. It reminds me of when later in the season when Mark is scolding Oliver. "I'm not even doing anything!!" while throwing his arms in the air in his superhero suit, eyebrows furrowed and his voice like a whiny child being told to knock it off.

He approaches Cecil, and a reaniman grabs him by the arm. This is meant to detain Mark, NOT hurt him.

Mark responds by going "you're not the boss of me" (in effect, not direct language) and SMASHES THE REANIMAN.

I have beef with the whole "Cecil doesn't try an talk to Mark" angle, Cecil is watching Mark crash and burn through the creatures he EXPLICITLY says are only meant to protect him, and offers to talk to Mark. He tells Mark that he isn't keeping his operations a secret from anyone within his facilities, that this is par for the course within the GDA, and this is his attempt to de-escalate. Calm down, this isn't a fight worth having, let's just talk.

MARK engages this fight, MARK refuses to talk. The scene of Mark post-destroying the reanimen is almost a one-to-one of the s1e1 frame of Nolan after killing the guardians. This is a direct parallel. There needs to always be a bigger fish.

and instead of continuing to argue about the actual issue, instead of bringing up DA Sinclair or Darkwing or actually trying to be productive, or demanding Cecil go public. He asks

"Is that all you got?"

at this point Mark is picking a fight, and making it clear that this is now an aggressive encounter. He's demanding Cecil show him everything in his arsenal, implying no matter what it is, Mark will mow it down and get to Cecil.

I am FLOORED by the way Cecil says "I wish you hadn't asked that, kid."

NOTE Cecil calling Mark, kid. he's still offering him the grace of being considered a foolish kid and not an intentionally menacing adult. Adults don't get to be this type of threat, they don't get extended the grace a rowdy teenage rebel does. Cecil is offering another olive branch to Mark, so that he can still turn away and be protected under the 'kid' moniker.

and we get the reveal of a room FULL of reanimen. Who didn't move until initiated. Who Mark plows through like nothing.

Mark threatens Cecil, and Cecil calls him out on his hypocrisy "I thought you don't do threats?"

Mark, AGAIN, instead of being able to recognize conflicting world views or broaden his perspective, bitterly and dismissively goes "Yeah? Well people change."

WHICH IS FUCKING INFURIATING

especially since twenty minutes ago Mark was arguing that people CANT change and that trying to change bad people was a worthless pursuit.

Cecil warns him literally "Don't, Mark, i'm warning you."

at this point Cecil has told Mark to stand down or else, SO MANY TIMES, slowly increasing the severity of the defense mechanisms.

I find it VERY interesting that Cecil explains, in detail, what and why Mark is being hurt. He gives Mark all the information on his earpiece. Why? For power. To show Mark exactly what is happening and that he can't stop it. Mark needs a taste of powerlessness, to curb the unchecked God complex he's struggling with. There needs to be a bigger fish. Then Cecil releases the mind fuck thing. and tells him to be reasonable and go home

Marks response? "We are so far past reasonable"

WE. We are so far past reasonable. This shows that Mark is lumping himself in with Cecil, that somewhere in him he knows this is insane, jumping and cornering a man like this? This isn't right. He knows that.

But he also makes it clear to Cecil that this is now something Mark has to "see through" and not something he's willing to talk about.

Mark hasn't mentioned DA Sinclair or Darkwing once in episode 2, it's not even the core focus anymore

now, to Mark, it's about power. It's about Cecil acting like he has authority and power over Mark, and like any other teenager who feels like their opinion is being ignored, he lashes out

but again. When you're god, you don't get to lash out.

Cecil is TERRIFIED. I hear a lot of "Cecil wasn't mature enough" BROTHER IS FEAR. bro probably pissed his pants.

Cecil explains to Mark WHY he puts it in his head, that he still believes Mark isn't his dad, so stop acting like him. Cecil keeps giving Mark out after out, olive branch on the olive branch. And Mark is so caught up in his own sense of ego and power and betrayal that he feels truly helpless for the first time since season one, can't even hear him. He doesn't even let Cecil finish his sentence.

I find it very interesting that Mark goes to the GHQ, knowing they're on Cecil's payroll. Mark really has nobody else to turn to. He goes, specifically, to Rudy. He trusts that Rudy will do the right thing and help him.

Cecil immediately tries to disengage the guardians, saying he isn't going to kill the kid. Note the repeated use of kid. Kid is affectionate. I'm not going to kill the kid, it implies that he still has some kind of emotional attachment, killing a kid would be insane, it shows he's still extending that protection that being called a kid offers. even now, Cecil is offering him an olive branch.

Cecil tells Mark he's coming back to the GDA, and only when Mark refuses three times does Cecil use force. It seems brutal, like, stuff in his brain? How AWFUL. but also? There's not really any other way to hurt the guy.

Only once Mark has proven REPEATEDLY that not only is he not open to discussion, he isn't even open to peace, does Cecil enact any true violence against him.

Cecil calls Mark an "arrogant little asshole" and calls him on his hypocritical bullshit. and then Mark chokes him so hard he coughs up blood.

You can argue about the semantics of who is right morally, but Cecil made every attempt to calmly engage Mark, escalating slowly and only in response to the threat levels he perceived in Mark. To criticize Cecil for not being calmer or not deescalating undermines the point of why he does it: He's human. He's scared. Of course we can sit here and say, oh Cecil should've told him, or Cecil should've blah blah blah

Cecil doesn't report to Mark. Mark isn't the law, he doesn't get to decide the law any more than any other civilian does. Cecil doesn't owe Mark shit past basic decency, and he gives him that, Cecil gives Mark more grace than I would have. And we know his fears aren't baseless, either, the second Cecil stops defending against Mark, MARK CHOKES HIM SO HARD HE COUGHS UP BLOOD. It's a huge purple bruise on his throat.

but Mark is a child who has no business putting himself above the law and above peaceful conversations. He could've told others without directly confronting and attacking Cecil. Mark could have demanded answers, and then gone and acted on his own. He could've contacted local police, the news, the GotG, anyone else to make this a more fair protest of Cecil's actions. But Mark knows he's hot shit. He knows that- up until episode two- he was untouchable. and he flagrantly abuses this power. All Cecil does is respond.

and still continue to offer him grace, up until he just can't.

Uh thank you for coming to my ted talk <3

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doctorruby · 11 months ago

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the whole queer eddie being included in a queer characters posts reminds me of like when people were wishing the bucktommy date scene got cut instead of the eddie and buck in Bobby’s room and eddie praying …when there is that whole random ass scene with no real adherence to the plot or the characters with polly the neighbour right there as an option for them to cut..but no they wanna cut the scene with the mlm queer couple (that many mlm queer men in this fandom love) all because they hate tommy, can’t handle a daddy issues joke, and the fact that it’s not eddie with buck

yeah ultimately a lot of their cries for activism and queer rep are performative. they do not truly care about queer characters or queer representation and i think most people could smell that from a mile away. these people have always been way more concerned with their own ship than with anything else. they like to pretend that if you don't ship The Thing or if you don't hate bucktommy then you must not want eddie to be queer or even like his character and that's. a thought lol. but i think it's really interesting why they've come to that conclusion.

like for me, i love eddie enough that i don't have to change his character to make him something that i like. i love eddie enough to allow him to be his own character outside of my own interpretation of his queerness and outside of his relationship with buck. but at the same time i also love eddie enough to see myself in him and create theories about his identity. these two things co-exist: seeing the character for what the canon shows me he is AND seeing the character for what i'd like him to be. i think most people are able to find the balance and be pretty normal about it. i think these people are genuinely so far deep into whatever they want the story to be that they have to rewrite canon to fit that perception of the character and feel threatened when that gets pointed out.

which again, like i truly do not give a shit if you do cherry pick canon, just don't come for people who are like hey you know that's just your headcanon right? like don't act like your own interpretation is better than anyone else's. it's not, it's still just an interpretation. i do read eddie as queer while still acknowledging that within the canon universe, he is identified as a straight man by canon. which makes my reading of him just a headcanon (aka canon in your head but not anywhere else), no less valid and important but still not the story they may be trying to tell.

i've talked about this a little bit before but i think a lot of the issue here is the idea of playing nice and remembering that this is all pretend which i don't think they've really had to deal with before. a lot of these people have never been confronted with another big kid on the block. their ship has kind of held precedent for a really long time, along with their headcanons and their ideas of what these characters are. so now that buck actually is bisexual and is dating a man, who isn't eddie, suddenly their entire worldview of canon breaks down.

now there's canon gay representation. now you don't have a moral argument to justify your ship bc that thing you've been begging for, "canon bi buck/more canon queer characters" does exist. so now what are you arguing for? just a preferred ship? no that can't be, it must be more than, we must be fighting for something bigger.

but now you're forced to confront that it's all just headcanons and vibes and theories that have ran unchallenged for years and years. so now you have a group of people who do not know how to grapple with the reality they are being shown vs the reality they've created in their heads clashing against people who are fans of the same reality the show lives in and don't really care about the non-canon anymore. which, if that's your prerogative, if you prefer non-canon stuff, then go for it, that's what fandom is for, but the issue here is that they view this as genuinely a threat. they don't want any other interpretation. it doesn't just feel like a threat to their ship, it feels like a threat to the canon world they've created about these characters. they see other people coming in excited for something that isn't their thing, and now feel like we're taking something away from them. they don't want to see canon anymore, even if it's something they used to claim they want. they don't want queer rep, they want to be proven right.

#this kind of derailed but ive had thoughts about this for a really long time #loosely strung together thoughts about the shift in shipping culture withing this fandom space idk idk #eddie diaz #bucktommy #911 abc

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jaychrilo1144 · 2 months ago

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Ramble post 82738200

Topic: Taylor Swift and Marauders Fandom

So, for the longest time, I think my perception of Taylor Swift has been skewed. I've been going off of popular public opinion and was stupidly butthurt about the drama with her and Billie eilish when their newest albums came out at the same time and then the drama between her and olivia rodrigo (which was all through their record companies). And then I gave her flack because of carbon emissions plus living in an area that hates her bc of football reasons, needless to say that I didn't have the best opinion of her myself.

But then a few months ago my one family friend ill call S- who loves taylor- told me about her more and went on an enlightening rant that made me think 'hm, my current opinions of her are based in others opinions of her. Oh wait- I remember saying shit like all her music sounds the same, but when was the last time I actually gave any of her new albums a chance?' I sat on that thought for a while.

Then, throughout those months, I saw a bunch of remus lupin mood playlists with some of her new songs. I never really listened to them, but they were everywhere, and i avoided them for a while.

But then in the past few days I was reminded of that family friend again and was like okay, maybe ill listen to the tortured poets department. I heard it was ATYD/wolfstar/remus Lupin coded, so I thought id give it a chance.

Turns the fuck out, I actually really enjoyed it!! What was crazy to me was actually how close to home the lyrics hit me, as if her and I dated the same fucked up person and she was singing all of my past and present thoughts and repressed feelings about it.

Its crazy how seen and heard I felt listening to the songs. Not to mention, I really enjoyed the music in general! And now im curious about Folklore and Evermore.

What I love so much about this fandom is how much I've learned in such a short amount of time being here. One of my top values is openmindedness knowing that I can be a little judgy at times, which is why I love how being in this fandom allows me to challenge and even reconsider my own opinions and beliefs, both in and outside of the fandom.

For example. I was never a fan of jegulus, bc why, now it's growing on me along with the idea of trans regulus. I never thought I'd be listening to Taylor Swift, but here we are. Aha! Same with old rock music! Now David bowie and Marc Bolan are some of my favorites!! I can't think of another example on the spot as I write this, but I think you get my point.

Anyways, I guess now I'm more open to her music. (Im not idolizing anyone, im mainly talking about the art) I like being able to grow as a person, reevaluate my opinions and beliefs, and able to ask myself whether they are my own or someone elses, and if so then asking myself how I can fix that. I like being a part of something that encourages openmindedness and inclusivity.

#jays thoughts #marauders #remus lupin #sirius black #james potter #peter pettigrew #wolfstar #atyd #taylor swift #the tortured poets department #folklore taylor swift #evermore taylor swift #marauders fandom

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destinygoldenstar · 8 days ago

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🌟Well This Is A Puzzling Situation🌟 - Total Drama Viewer Reacts to Disventure Camp Season 3 Episode 16 “Gone Downhill”

Ciao.

It is time to steal some idols and fight over iPads.

Last time, Jake lost his bestie. Grett finally came to her own and I’m proud of her. Riya ruined her relationships with both the men in her life. And Ally…? Yeah no, she’s just being stupid. And a bully. And I hate her.

For a character NAMED ALLY, she’s quite the shit and detrimental ALLY.

…yeah you can leave now. I get it.

Let’s just go.

Oliver gets shoved out of a plane. Okay.

What are YOU doing here?

How did you get past security?

I feel like Trevor is about to get fired.

"Can you believe they don't honor employee discounts here? The nerve..."

Yes.

Lady, you were a recent addition. You got to work for that.

"Why are we here?"

You work here.

Right?? Or is this somewhere else?

"I have a plan to cancel Disventure Camp once and for all."

Why do you want to do that???

Yeah, that'll TOTALLY get you your employment back!

Is this gonna be a World Tour ending, where zombie Ezekiel just robbed the money and had a Lord of the Rings moment??

Cause uh... yes that was funny but that was also kind of a copout.

"BECAUSE WE CAN'T HAVE A VILLAIN ACTUALLY WIN THE MONEY!! THAT WOULD MAKE PEOPLE ANGRY!!"

Total Drama would never allow that, anyway. Heather was the only time they came close. Idk about this show though.

"How would that help?"

Yeah. EXACTLY.

"If we play our cards right, Krystal loses her career, I get my life back, and Derek comes crying home to you."

THAT DOESN'T ANSWER THE QUESTION AND THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS.

I'm not gonna act like Krystal is a saint, BUT IN TERMS OF THIS SPECIFICALLY, she did nothing wrong. SHE DID HER JOB.

Sorry YOU are only sorry you got caught breaking rules!

"I don't wanna force Derek to do anything that'll put him in danger."

"Are you still protecting that incel?! After how he treated you?!"

Wh-you just said you wanted him to come crying home to Trevor. What?

All Derek did is get on the bosses good side, and formed a relationship with her. Yeah he broke Trevor's heart, but he was oblivious to his feelings. And even if he was aware, DEREK IS NOT OBLIGATED TO RETURN THOSE FEELINGS.

"If you think Krystal's a phase, then sure, he's gone through her alright."

HEY YO THAT'S OUT OF BOUNDS.

"What do you know about the finale?"

Yeah, this IS gonna be Ezekiel all over again. Goddammit...

Hey girl what are you doing?!

"For my next showing, I'm swimming with the fishes. As revenge for the shower, they will be under my command to bite anyone who dares steal this nice water from me!"

NO RIYA WHAT ABOUT YOUR BRACELETS?! THEY'LL GET RUINED!!

"I miss our shower reward."

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHE WAS GONNA REFERENCE THE SHOWER XD

"Whoever decided not to give us soap and shampoo should be fired."

"I wish I had my fire powers, cause then I could do it myself. DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?!!?"

"Do you have any more of that perfume?"

Hon.

Don't.

"The perfume you gave me last season."

OH YEAH. I REMEMBER.

THAT HURT.

But yeah, walk away Connor.

Riya, I stan you, but screw you XD

If you're wondering what I like about Riya, IT'S NOT ABOUT HER AS A PERSON AT ALL. Okay? She sucks as a person. She's horrible. I KNOW THAT.

I like her cause I find her an intriguing and interesting character to analyze, look into, and follow, and as a villain in general. I do NOT endorse what she does.

I just JOKE that I do CAUSE I HAVE A PROBLEM.

"Good morning."

Ayo, Jake greeting Ally happily despite what happened?

Or is this sarcasm? I heard a bit of a sarcastic tone there.

"It is a good morning, isn't it?"

"A good morning to see you sad and alone, huh Jake?"

"Do you want to get us some more firewood?"

I'm so surprised Jake is not pissed.

"Or are you planning on sabotaging that too?"

Nope. Nevermind. He is.

RIGHTFULLY SO.

CAUSE WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE AFTER THAT?!

Jake is with Connor, who has an idol, and Grett is secretly with them too. So yeah, Jake is under no obligation to work with Ally at all. It would be a bad game move to do so, cause she has PROVEN she is a DETRIMENT to people.

"Oh don't be a baby. Just be glad it wasn't you yesterday."

OH MY-

WE'RE ALREADY DOING THIS.

WHERE'S MY PILLOW?!?!?!

*PUNCHING PILLOW*

OH MY GOD MY BLOOD IS ALREADY HEATED.

THIS WOMAN IS SUCH AN ASSHOLE. AND A BULLY.

SHE JUST WANTS HIM TO SUFFER.

HE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE PISSED! YOU BETRAYED HIM!! TWICE!!! ONE OF THOSE TIMES WAS A MURDER ATTEMPT!!!

(Edit: Three times. Actually. She voted against him in Episode 10.)

JUST FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCKING GET OFF MY SCREEN!!!

"How could you do that to Aiden?!"

Oh he's taking Aiden's feelings to account too. Yeah.

YOU WONDER WHY NO ONE LIKES YOU?!?

"Cry about it."

GET THE FUCK OFF MY SCREEN!!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!! GET. OUT!!!

How can ANYONE look at this and NOT take this as bullying? Or say that Jake deserved this in any way?

Yes he fucked up in the past, but he made up for it best he could.

So what's the excuse now?

I want to punch her.

I want to punch this woman square in the face SO HARD.

*PUNCHES PILLOW*

THIS IS MY SUBSTITUTE.

"Everyone's all wrapped up in their quarrels while I can manipulate the game however I want."

I guess that's one way to look at it.

At least Grett's emotionally mature. That's something I guess.

Everyone's got issues.

"Why did you vote for Aiden?"

"I knew if I couldn't get you, his boot would sting the most."

*PUNCHES PILLOW*

SHE'S NOT EVEN HIDING IT ANYMORE. OR BEING VAGUE.

SHE JUST WANTS JAKE TO SUFFER!!! THAT'S ALL SHE CARES ABOUT!!!

"You should've seen your face."

😡✊✊

"I'm about to beat this bitch up."

"You're an idiot. You realize the villains are gonna go right after you the moment me and Connor are out?"

YEAH.

YOU KNOW IT'S BAD WHEN EVEN THE GUY WITH 'THE NAIVE ONE' LABEL KNOWS THAT'S STUPID!

"As long as you go first and I get to watch."

WOW.

SO FUCK THE GAME I GUESS.

FUCK GETTING PEOPLE TO STOP HATING YOU I GUESS.

IT'S ALL ABOUT MAKING THIS MAN SUFFER. THAT'S TOP PRIORITY.

She's actually a massive bully and an abuser.

How the HELL does anyone look at this and possibly say "WELL, ALLY HAS A POINT YOU KNOW. JAKE DESERVES THIS."

Cause like... NO?!?!

Cause upon rewatch of the previous episodes, now knowing this context, DAMN, TURNS OUT JAKE'S ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT HER CHARACTER WERE CORRECT.

"I want Alec to stay loyal to me only."

Makes sense. He's your only real ally.

And uh, you're gonna lose him too.

"Time to kill two birds with one stone, and book my next acting gig."

"For my next showing, I'm a huntress, after the devilish birds who dare mock me for being good!! I am an expert at taking these birds down, and I will do so mocking in their face!"

NO RIYA THAT'S NOT THE MORAL OF 'TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD'!!!

"What are you doing?!"

"You know, maybe I was wrong about the kiss... I've always thought you were kind of cute, Alec."

UH UH UH UH UH. NO.

BAD RIYA. BAD RIYA.

STOP IT!

THANK YOU!!!!

CALL HER OUT AND PUT HER IN HER PLACE!!!!

THIS IS NOT OKAY FOR ANYONE TO DO!!!

"Don't you know how much Connor loves you?"

"He's just an idiot who saw something in me that wasn't there."

Yeah, cause YOU buried it.

"Well... we can agree on that. Either way, I won't be a part of it!"

YES ALEC!!!

"Weren't you the one who kissed me first?"

"That was a mistake!"

"Well fuck you too!"

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF ALEC!!!

Riya totally deserved to be put in her place there.

THANK GOD THEY DID NOT GO THE SIERRA ROUTE WITH THIS. THANK YOU!!!!

THANK YOU ODDNATIONS FOR SAYING THAT S/A IS WRONG AND A HORRIBLE THING TO DO. THANK YOU FOR NOT EVEN TRYING TO EXCUSE THIS AT ALL.

This is a severe problem with Total Drama too. They treat S/A like it's a joke. Or funny. Or a 'haha this character is so quirky' or 'haha it's so cute'. And I FUCKING LOATHE IT.

Disventure Camp is NOT innocent of this too. Episode 3 of Season 2 was really not well thought out in this area. Especially with James.

BUT they actually dialed back and gave it the callout it deserved here. THANK YOU.

This stuff is not cute. It's not quirky. It's not acceptable. It's a very uncomfortable thing. And it's a really upsetting thing that real people are victims of. As well as victims who are manipulated into thinking that they're wrong for being uncomfortable. CRIMINALS are sexual abusers, especially when it gets explicit.

SO MAYBE I'M JUST PRAISING THIS FOR THE BARE MINIMUM. BUT THAT IS THE BAR WITH THESE TYPES OF SHOWS. SO I REALLY DO APPRECIATE THE MESSAGE THAT THIS BEHAVIOR IS NOT OKAY AT ALL.

If you ARE deeply offended by it though, that's okay. Your feelings are valid. This is pretty serious subject matter.

All I will say is that I can read the media literacy here. A very obvious villain is the one doing it. The direction is making it come across as uncomfortable and gross. And in the end the victim stands up for himself and he is not shamed for that whatsoever because he's right to do so.

Simply having the bad thing in it does not mean they're endorsing the bad thing. Read the subtext.

"As I've gotten to now Riya, it's like holding up a mirror to my face."

Ouch, Alec...

"Is this... how my wife saw me?"

Yeah, that's why he latched onto her too. Because he sees himself as bad and doesn't know how to grasp being anything but that due to his depression.

But oh my god if he did any of this to his wife, that's... that's very concerning.

"What's his problem? I'm way out of his league, and he pushes me away?"

Riya, you deserved that. You're crossing so many lines.

Maybe you thought it was what he wanted. THAT'S NOT AN EXCUSE.

"Jake was being Jake earlier."

YOU FUCKING GET OFF MY SCREEN!!!!

"I'm glad you handled yourself."

ARE YOU-?!

OKAY, WHAT I SAID ABOUT MEDIA LITERACY EARLIER. THIS IS ACTUALLY WHERE I TAKE ISSUE.

SHE WAS NOT 'HANDLING HERSELF'. SHE WAS BULLYING HIM!!

I DON'T FEEL BAD FOR THIS GIRL AT ALL!!! I DON'T ROOT FOR HER!!!

I WANT HER TO GET ELIMINATED SO I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH HER ANYMORE!

"Yeah, I'm shocked to say, but telling him off felt... so good!"

FUCK YOU.

YOU SUCK.

YOU'RE AWFUL.

YOU WERE NOT 'TELLING HIM OFF'. YOU WERE BULLYING HIM!!

😡

I swear, every time this girl opens her mouth, I feel my body BOIL.

"These last couple years, I've had to hold my tongue to keep my reputation- or what was left of it."

WHICH YOU HAVE NONE NOW.

You know, you may have had haters, but EVERYONE does. And at least you HAD a reputation still. You still had fans.

But to YOU, that was not good enough. It's not good enough that your loved ones love and support you. It's not good enough that you have some fans. It's not good enough that you can do what you love.

NO. You need EVERYONE to love you. And if they don't love you, THEY'RE the problem and they deserve to suffer.

"But finally breaking free of those shackles feels like getting a kill streak on a double XP weekend!"

"YAY! I GET TO BE A TOXIC PERSON AND NOT CARE ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES THAT WILL FOLLOW!!!"

SUCH POSITIVE CHARACTER GROWTH /s

OH MY GOD HE DOES HAVE ONE.

OH SHIT...

Oh this is gonna be sad.

"Okay. If you're not comfortable talking about it, that's fine."

Look at you respecting boundaries.

"I wanted to talk about Aiden."

"Missing the boy, huh?"

"I feel bad."

Awwwwwww 🥺

"I feel like I looked at him all wrong all season, and he turned out to be a decent guy."

AWWWWWWWW MY HEART ❤️

"He did teach me one thing though."

"I can still change for the better. Aiden was quick to judge me too, but we solved our differences."

"And that's also why I look up to you, Connor."

"You're not perfect, okay? I get that. But you're still working on yourself and even after everything, you never gave up and defied everyone's expectations. That's who I want to be someday."

I LOVE THIS ❤️❤️❤️❤️

OH I LOVE THIIIIIIIISSSSS!!!!!

❤️❤️❤️

YOUR HONOR, I LOVE THEM.

"Oh god Jake, you're making me blush!"

DO NOT SHIP THEM THOUGH! I SWEAR TO GOD!!

Why is the puppet drinking coffee???

"I just want to ask you some things."

"Ugh, yes, I have free will."

"No I don't use the bathroom, and yes, you're weird for asking."

"..."

"...okay, let's move on-"

That was just very weird.

"But I could get you coffee from Krystal's espresso machine!"

"No you can't. That's in her private quarters."

Roasted.

"Fine. I do love the chaos."

At least it's in character for her.

WHOA INTERMISSION ALREADY?! IT FEELS TOO EARLY.

*Getting a drink of water during it*

"You guys ready for the next immunity challenge?!"

"Whatever."

I love people's lack of enthusiasm for this stuff, it's so funny to me.

It's great in Total Drama. It's just one of many reason why I love Digital Circus so much. I love it.

Oh Oliver's alive. I keep forgetting cause he's shoved out a plane every episode.

"Once you have them you'll take out all your pieces and use them to solve a Disventure Camp puzzle."

*Gets cooking ad*

AND YOU HAVE TO COOK THE PUZZLE TOO.

LET THEM COOK 🔥

"Wanna know what you're playing for?"

"Please tell me it's a shower with some soap!"

Riya they can never make me hate you.

"A phone call home?"

Don't you have a poor relationship with your family? Why would you want that?

"Nope! It's a six pack of beer!"

Oh that's lame. Ew.

"These rewards just keep getting better and better!"

Oh Connor's an alcoholic.

I have a bad drink tolerance. Really bad.

Like, I can't handle SODA. Or any fizzy drinks. So let alone beer.

My college neighbors bring beer and chips all the time when we're playing Blood on the Clocktower. I USUALLY don't drink the beer and just stick with the chips.

I SOMETIMES do, once in a blue moon, but I'm drunk as shit the first shot and it's obvious. I do not drink that often.

A couple weeks ago, actually, we were celebrating one of their birthdays, and the birthday boy's decree was that we played Mario Kart 8 and every time we got last place, we take a shot.

I got... six shots, I think? That whole time. Which was not as many as most of the others. But they handled the hangover fine. I was throwing up. And I was passed out on the desk the next lecture. I have not gone drinking since then.

So uh... SO Y'ALL KNOW. WE HAD TWO SOBER PEOPLE WHO WERE GUARDING AND WATCHING OVER US. BUT IT'S STILL DANGEROUS. DO NOT DO THAT.

Anyway, how do you climb this? This doesn't look stable at all.

"Wait, no safety equipment? What if we fall?"

Good point. That sounds like nobody in the staff learned their lesson last season.

"Awwww, does baby need a safety harness?"

SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

I HOPE YOU FALL.

"Right now, Connor and I are in trouble, but he has the idol. If I can win immunity, we don't have to worry about going home."

I have a feeling that's not gonna happen.

"And maybe we can take a shot at one of the big dogs."

I fail to see how drinking will solve your problems.

(Yes I know what he means, it's a joke.)

"Preferably Ally."

YES!

LOVE THAT!

I WOULD LOVE TO SEE HER GO!

NOOOOOOO JAKE!! NO NO NO NO NO!!!!

THAT'S NOT GOOD.

YOU'RE GONNA BREAK A LIMB.

"Okay... rock walls are even harder than trees."

Jake's a bad climber apparently.

Wasn't that...?

No I don't think that's a contradiction. I don't think we've ever seen him climb.

OH MY GOD THE ROCKS!! WATCH OUT!!!

THIS CHALLENGE IS DANGEROUS!!!!!

This feels like a massive lack of foresight on Krystal's end.

Did you not learn from Season 2 when someone almost died?? These rocks are very unstable.

Put a mat under them or something.

YEAH THIS IS NOT SAFE!!!

I can't tell if Riya is doing this on purpose, OR the rocks are just that unstable they're crumbling from under her feet so easily.

I think it might be the latter.

OH HEY FRIENDSHIP!!!

FRIENDSHIP WILL BE THE DEATH OF YOU BOTH.

No?

I thought they were both gonna fall.

Jake is... NOT having a good time.

How is this guy not dead or badly hurt?

"Are you still on your first puzzle bag?"

OH MY GOD SHUT UP!!!!

WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF!!!!

"Did you just come to gloat?"

"Yeah."

SHUT THE FUCK UUUUUUUUPPPPP!!!!!

WELL THAT'S ONE WAY TO SHUT HER UP XD

"Hey, if you're going to be a dick, I'll make sure we both lose."

"That's not fair!"

YEAH WELL IT'S NOT FAIR TO OUTCAST SOMEONE, CONSTANTLY VERBALLY HARASS THEM, BULLY THEM, BETRAY THEM, AND LEAVE THEM TO DIE. NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TAKE THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS.

"Well, there's no rule that says he can't."

Krystal's on my side.

This is why Krystal is best DC host.

"You snooze you lose!"

*Gets University ad*

DON'T REMIND ME OF MY COLLEGE LIFE!!!!

Look one of the reasons we play Blood on the Clocktower is because most of us are in majors that involve social skills and good social reading. So it's a study tactic.

"Ever since I did that pull up, it made me realize I like working out. I just... did it for all the wrong reasons."

That is SO REAL.

You have a hobby, and you try to make money off of it, but then you're dealt with so much pressure you just burn out and you lose sight of why you love it in the first place.

"I just want to keep getting stronger and not for anyone else but me."

YUS QUEEN 👑

"This is a complicated puzzle. You can move the pieces, thinking you're getting nowhere!"

That's like... TWELVE PIECES.

THIS IS A BABY'S PUZZLE.

I have a feeling this is an animation error. Like there were supposed to be many more pieces but it just got too complicated to animate.

OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!???!!!

I THOUGHT JAKE WAS JUST BLOCKING HER WAY I DIDN'T THINK-

DAMN. SHE JUST STRAIGHT UP SAID,

"I'm about to beat this bitch up."

ALLY I MEANT THAT AS A JOKE!!!! 😭😭😭

Okay, "But Golden, Jake's the one who started beating her up."

HE'S GRABBING HER HAND THAT IS TRYING TO GRAB AT HIM, HIS OTHER ARM IS TRYING TO SHOVE THE OTHER ONE AWAY FROM HIS FACE.

SHE HAS A FOOT ON HIS GUT.

Like... that's just how I'm reading this.

I'm not saying exactly 'self defense' just... just reading it for what I'm seeing.

"LET GO!!"

"NO YOU LET GO!!!"

GODDAMMIT BOTH OF YOU!!!

AND SHE'S ON TOP OF HIM! AND STAYING THERE!!

YOU WANT TO GET ON WITH THE RACE, YOU HAVE HIM ON THE GROUND. JUST RUN!!!!

YOU JUST WANT TO BEAT HIM TO A PULP!!! 😭

"Ayo help a poor lady out."

This is kind of dumb.

THIS IS A TWELVE PIECE PUZZLE!!! THIS IS NOT THAT HARD!!! 😭

You know what this reminds me of?

You know those game ads where you have the person playing the ad having the IQ of a rock, and they do everything wrong in the game. And it PISSES YOU THE FUCK OFF?!?!

That's this.

CONNOR HAVE YOU NOT DONE A PUZZLE IN YOUR FIFTY YEARS OF LIFE?!?!

"She's finally back to moving pieces."

Pretty sure she had more in place before...

"It's anyone's game right now."

"It's anyone's game!"

Meanwhile Jake and Allyson:

OH YAY GRETT!!!!👑

You have established yourself as a threat.

"Now can someone PLEASE get Jake and Ally off each other!"

YEAH THANK YOU. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

This is just really sad and pathetic.

Also WAS SHE PULLING HIS HAIR????

And she was STILL on top of him.

You both need to go punch a pillow. Maybe that'll calm you down.

OH THERE'S ICE CREAM TOO!

Krystal, you liar.

"Actually Krystal, I'm not much of a beer person. Can I give it to someone?"

"Connor?"

Very nice of you.

But this is how they find out you're cross teaming.

"I never noticed this, but Grett is getting pretty good at this game."

YEAH.

Also, NEVER NOTICED?

Won immunity.

AND she was the one who came to YOU with the plan to team up.

This isn't even YOUR plan, you're just following Grett's plan and claiming you thought of this all on your own.

"Giving Connor that reward could've been a way to win his favor."

Good idea. Betray your only ally. Make the OTHER alliance hate you too.

YOU'RE SO SMART ALLYSON. /s

When it gets to a certain point, NOBODY is going to want to work with a wildcard who is consistently inconsistent. And disloyal.

"Look, I'm willing to look past this morning if you are."

I know you don't mean that.

"We both need each other."

Yeah... yeah you do.

"You can't ask me to mess with Connor."

"I'll... respect your moral high ground."

Oh really? Wow.

Did not expect that.

"Alec's really fallen off recently, but... I need his vote. I'll play nice with him for now."

Even Riya at her worst is still practical.

"Actually, I was thinking we could do Jake first."

Of course you do. 🙄

YOU SAID YOU'D RETURN THE FAVOR.

"But Connor is a bigger threat."

Exactly.

"Disagree."

YOU BEAT HIM UP.

YOU HAD HIM PINNED TO THE GROUND.

YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN.

...I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO IT AGAIN, BUT TECHNICALLY YOU CAN.

"Jake won the last two immunities. This could be our only chance to get him out."

...

I-I mean okay, you get the dub this time. That's a good point.

"I won't change my mind!"

"Well I'm not voting with you guys if it's not Jake."

YOU SAID YOU WOULD RETURN THE FAVOR.

YOU ASSHOLE.

"Ally kept bugging me about voting Jake all day. I don't think she'll change her mind."

It's almost like allying with the girl named Ally was a MISTAKE.

Just vote her.

"So what's the plan?"

Okay, so... I think this is a pretty easy game move to decide. If I was in this situation and playing Survivor, I would foresee the situation too.

Let me indulge:

You have two major alliances in a Final 6. One of four, one of two. Connor and Jake are the obvious minority. So one of them is getting voted on.

HOWEVER, Connor has an idol. So they can still save themselves.

But who do you play the idol on???

Well, think of the relationship of the four. ALLY is your major key to figuring this out. She is a loose thread of the alliance, having just flipped last time. If the others want her loyalty, they'll do what she says.

And since she very openly hates Jake so much, it's good to assume then they'll obey her wishes and vote Jake.

So the correct move here is to play the idol on Jake.

So then who do you guys vote for?

ALLY.

And here's why:

Yes Riya and Alec are stronger, but Grett is secretly a tie to you guys and she has expressed not wanting to work with Alec and Riya anymore. Riya and Alec are the obvious targets and enemies. Ally meanwhile has proven to be untrustworthy and unreliable to ally with, so keeping her around and putting yourself in a situation where you have to put your trust in her is going to be your downfall.

And since Grett's only string attaching her to the villains is Ally, GET RID OF ALLY NOW.

Then with no one else Grett is trying to make stay loyal, she turns to you guys, and you can overpower and blindside Alec and Riya. Even if one of them wins immunity, only one of them can. So vote the other. Then the last one left has three people coming after them and they're boned.

THIS IS PRETTY EASY TO FORESEE.

AND THIS IS WHAT I WOULD DO IF I WERE JAKE AND CONNOR ANYWAY.

"Maybe Grett can help."

"Do we trust her?"

"She's all we got."

At this point, yeah.

"Connor doesn't know Grett like I do. She's a snake! And I wouldn't be shocked if she had something up her sleeve to screw us over."

Oh, that's true too...

Yeah you're really not in a good position.

Tbh, blindsiding Grett wouldn't be a terrible option either.

You're drunk.

I see the empty bottles.

"Are you still upset?"

"Nah."

Oh that's good.

"Maybe it's the beer."

Drinking solves everything.

"Connor, I want to make it clear. Me and Riya were never a thing."

"You guys are free to do what you like. You're both adults, and Riya wasn't mine. I guess I'm sorry I overreacted."

"Remember what I told you? I said Riya will never change unless she wants to."

You did say that, yeah.

"Well, I was kinda wrong."

Oh?

"You were right to not give up on her."

Um... you were kinda right the first time though?

I understand not wanting to give up on your loved ones because you love them and you want to help them.

But from my life experience, I learned the hard way, that if you spend all your energy to helping someone who isn't getting better, you're doing it at the cost of your own health and safety.

Eventually, though it sucks, sometimes you do have to admit when some people are just beyond saving.

"When the relationship gets rough, I'm the first to fold."

Yeah I do get what Alec is trying to say though. He's someone who gives up without even giving a chance.

"And you saw the error of my ways."

THIS SOUNDS LIKE AN ELIMINATION FLAG THOUGH 🚩

"I just wish Cheryll gave me another chance."

"Look, Alec, there's plenty of fish in the sea. Maybe after this is all over, I can help set you up with new people."

That's sweet. ❤️

I heard most of you ship them. Some of my comments.

I DON'T, personally. I just like them AS FRIENDS. As friends, they're very sweet and wholesome.

Idk, with the whole Trevor and Derek bullshit going on, I'm GLAD Connor and Alec are not shipped together.

As a queer person, I'm allowed to not like some queer ships and/or be glad they're just friends.

Not everyone needs to be shipped together. Sometimes platonic relationships are just as sweet and wholesome and worth the fanbase.

"Here."

"But this is your last one."

YOU DOWNED FIVE IN ONE DAY?!??!

BRO.

"I gave Jake one earlier. He spat it out, but you know..."

OH MY GOD. JAKE HAS A BAD ALCOHOL TOLERANCE TOO XD

I LOVE THAT FOR HIM!! XD

OH THAT'S SO SWEET! I WISH WE SAW THAT SCENE!!

"If you get tipsy, please don't kiss me."

Okay. OKAY.

I see you baiting.

"Guys, you have to play your idol tonight."

No shit Sherlock.

"Oh no shit Sherlock!"

😂

I NEED TO STOP.

I SERIOUSLY NEED TO STOP TALKING.

I'M TOO FARMILIAR WITH MEDIA TROPES TO KNOW WHERE THIS STUFF IS GOING!!

At this point I just need to make a compilation on every prediction I got right. Cause this is hilarious.

"I think the vote's on Jake."

Pretty sure they can hear... you... right???

Also no shit Sherlock.

"Ah, ya think?!"

It's pretty obvious.

"Now there's just the matter of my payment for this info."

Oh so SHE decides who goes.

Okay, yeah, Alec's going.

That last scene was raising all kinds of elimination flags.

Because Grett is still pissed at him for not helping her. I GET IT.

"If Jake and Connor do as I say tonight, oh, I don't wanna toot my own horn, but I think I've got a very clear path to the end of this game!"

Sweetheart, your plan is gonna fail.

Everyone here knows you're a threat.

Usually when someone says something along the lines of this, they get blindsided.

There you go, that's my prediction. It's gonna be Alec this episode, then Grett gets blindsided, then it's Ally, Connor, and the finalists are Jake and Riya. THAT can go either way.

*Harbor Freight Ad*

Oh we're starting this elimination with an ad. Neat.

Oh they're keeping it a secret this time.

"If anyone has the hidden immunity idol and you want to play it, now would be the time to do so."

Is this Grett's version of stealing the idol?

Because that's certainly a unique way to do it.

"I got something for ya, Krystal."

"Ugh, I knew it!!"

"DAMMIT! I SHOULD HAVE STOLEN THE IDOL!!"

She didn't know he had it. So I understand why she didn't.

But YOU KNOW if she knew, she would have.

"Who is this played for?"

OOOHH HERE'S THE BIG ONE.

"Connor, play it for yourself."

"WHAT?!"

🫢😨

NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.

NO I'M GETTING FLASHBACKS!!!!

NOOOOOO!!!!!

"Tom, please, I know I've been bad, but I promise, if you save me, we can talk tomorrow and work things out!!"

I don't think that's gonna happen...

He's begging so bad here 😭

You screwed up Jake. You screwed up...

"YOU AND I ARE DONE. DON'T EVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN."

OH MY GOD...

OH I GET WHY HE SAID THIS. OH MY GOD...

OH THAT'S SO SAD!!

"Playing this for... Jake."

OH GOD, I'M SCARED NOW...

OH MY GOD THE STARES XD

"We're good."

"We'll see..."

OH I'M SO SCARED!!!😨🙏

OH PLEASE BE RIGHT!!!!!!

PLEASE LET THIS BE RIGHT!!!!

'JAKE' *DOESN'T COUNT*

YES!!!!!!

OH MY GOD THEY GOT IT!!!!

"Let's freaking go!"

YAAAAAAYYY!!!!!

'JAKE' *DOESN'T COUNT*

OH THAT'S BEAUTIFUL!!

OH IT COMES FULL CIRCLE!!

'JAKE' *DOESN'T COUNT*

"Well played."

Even Alec respects it. Wow.

'JAKE' *DOESN'T COUNT*

Though Alec's going, right?

He was raising a lot of elimination flags.

'ALEC'

YEP.

RIP

I WOULD'VE VOTED ALLY, PERSONALLY.

BUT I GET IT. I GET WHY THEY DID THIS. THEY WANT GRETT ON THEIR SIDE.

This is probably for his own good.

This is a mercy elimination.

Get him away from Riya.

"Is... anyone going to say goodbye?"

Wow.

"Wait! Good game, man."

Awwwww Connor ❤️

"Thank you, Connor."

"For everything."

❤️

"Taking out Alec was super satisfying, not only for personal reasons, but I wanted to keep the temperamental duos here."

Oh for drama, yeah.

"Jake almost blew it for me, but I steered clear out of that storm. Nothing to worry about."

YOU VERY AUDIBLY CRIED "WHAT" IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

That-you're-you're getting blindsided.

"Okay, what was that little moment where Grett whispered something to Jake?"

"HOW DARE SHE WORK WITH MY ENEMY BEHIND MY BACK!!!!! OOOOOOHHHH YOU'RE GETTING IT NOW!!!"

"How could you dismiss Alec like that? He's been by your side the whole game."

She does miss him. She just doesn't want to show that she does.

OH.

OH I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD COME BACK!

"It was a gift back when I thought there was still hope for us."

Awwwww

That's real sad, honestly. Especially since the perfume is such a vital item to not only their relationship, but Riya's character.

That perfume smashing in the Season 2 finale was a major beat in her arc. Something she had received out of pure love, a symbol of happiness, and a gift she got from obtaining what she always wanted, DESTROYED because of her actions to leave all of it behind.

And now it's back here. And now, all she sees in it is a luxury item.

This girl may be an ass, but her writing is off the charts in both seasons.

"I don't care just give it!"

Yep. As I said.

All she sees in it now is a luxury item. Because she's so blinded by that.

OOOOOOOHHHHH....

OH SHE'S RUNNING TO GET IT!!! AWWWW 💔

Oh she got it.

Surprised it didn't break.

OH...

OH HE'S DISAPOINTED.

OH SHE THREW IT OUT!

THE MOMENT HE WALKED AWAY SHE THREW IT OUT.

SHE REALIZED TOO LATE.

The perfume itself doesn't matter anymore.

SHE LOST EVERYONE.

It's still in tact.

What is this symbolizing???

"Sorry for the bad timing, but you might need to look for new interns as well."

OH GOD WHAT DID THEY DO?

"He hasn't been returning my calls, not to mention he's failed to meet our turnaround for these last few episode edits."

JUST FIRE HIM.

"I'M SO TIRED OF THIS STUPID JOB! I just wish we could go back..."

"The show is growing, Krystal. It's a lot of work, sure, but this is what we wanted, right?"

"I'm not so sure anymore."

Really?

I don't want to say 'there was no build up to this' because there WAS. But I don't know, I feel like there wasn't ENOUGH. Just more yaoi drama instead.

Because why can't a girl just retreat from the cycle of abuse and start over in a happy relationship with Derek?

And that's just how it ends. Okay.

Riya's gonna break my heart by the end of this season, isn't she?

The perfume was still in tact. So idk what that's symbolizing exactly.

So maybe she decides to screw her position and redeem herself? And she gets eliminated as a result? Possible now.

She either redeems herself, or she completely loses her mind.

She lost everything. And everyone she cares about.

HER FAULT, but still.

She either breaks down, takes full accountability, and expresses wanting to change, as Alec said, OR she just goes crazy and desperate because she has nothing left to lose.

She's an absolute garbage human being. But I love her as a character. She's a very interesting to me. Because she's not one dimensionally EVIL. She IS evil. Not saying she isn't. But there's reasons why she acts the way she does, and we saw her descent into madness. She didn't start out like this.

Think of it like this: The more she exclaims how evil she is at her heart, the more she's lying.

I'm telling you, Jake and Riya are my STANS. And even if everyone else was dogshit, I would still watch this for these two alone. THEY MAKE THIS SEASON FOR ME.

Oh god... five episodes left. And then we're done.

#disventure camp #total drama #disventure camp all stars #reactions #reaction #disventure camp ally #disventure camp alec #disventure camp connor #disventure camp grett #disventure camp jake #disventure camp riya #disventure camp oliver #disventure camp derek #disventure camp kristal #disventure camp marcus #disventure camp nina #disventure camp trevor #disventure camp emily

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booksbabybooks · 22 days ago

Text

As a fan of the show I'm obviously devastated by them killing off Bobby (I'd love to think it was an elaborate fake out but alas I don't), but as someone who spends a chunk of time writing about / researching the creative industries I'm also genuinely baffled as to why the network chose to allow it - and chose to do so *now*.

Because not only did the show just get renewed - and even the biggest Buddie goggles wearer must admit that Peter Krause and Angela Bassett / Bathena were a huge part of the appeal for the general audience, and other than JLH had the best audience recognition - but when they are about to launch another spin off. A spin off that is reliant on brand recognition, and audience affection / loyalty for and to that brand.

*Surely* someone mooted that this might have fall out not just on the OG show but audience enthusiasm for anything else to do with it?

On the one hand you have a show that many people feel genuinely betrayed by - because for 8 seasons it's had the unspoken rule that the found family will be OK, no matter what you throw at them, and pitched a perfect balance of spectacle and silliness (one Lonestar, to it's detriment, never quite managed to capture). It gave people permission to get invested, and they did, and many viewers feel killing Bobby betrayed that unspoken contract, so feel hurt not just at losing a beloved character, but because they feel that's not the show they signed up for.

And whatever comes out the other side of this can't be the same show. For a start, this kneecaps Bassett - there's no reason for Athena to be as intricately involved with the 118, even given her friendship with Hen. It destroys one of the best mature relationships on TV. (I also wonder about the knock on effect on the possibility of Buddie canon - or, hell, even a Buck / Tommy reunion - because I can't imagine a show where queer relationships outnumber straight ones will be an easy sell in these Trumpian anti-DEI days).

9-1-1 might be better or more exciting going forward, which presumably is the reason they thought upping the stakes was necessary - I don't think it will, personally, but some observers have suggested that it might; that it'll give the show a necessary fresh direction (again: I don't think it needed it, but I have heard those opinions mooted, albeit they seem to be in the minority).

But surely anyone even a *little* upset by this development is going to be wary of the spin off - which already sounded like a lacklustre re-rerun of Lonestar. Chris O'Donnell has TV main character recognition and clout, obviously, but is that enough?

The shit thing of course is if this turns out to be a terrible decision - which I think it is, but it might not, the show might morph into something more along the Grey's Anatomy lines, where no one character is essential - the damage can't be undone.

Viewer hurt has a long afterlife: people stay mad at shows for years. (Not *always* reasonably, to be fair - people getting mad that Interview with the Vampire killed Claudia might want to revisit the source material and the reasons her death was always inevitable - but often are justified at being mad at decisions that seem to have been made for the stupidest reasons).

(Many of my messages this weekend have rehashed years old hurts among my friends, of the "I never forgave them killing off Will / Glen / Denny / Willow" variety. I can personally think of half a dozen shows I used to absolutely love that I either dropped sharply or just gradually fell out with because they did something like this (including Grey's, actually, which I watched obsessively but now find myself occasionally surprised when I hear it's still going...))

So, yeah: I'd have loved to be in whatever room that decision got signed off in, just to hear *why*.

Because honestly part of me expects to see a bunch of articles in a year's time about how one move simultaneously sunk two shows and I'm interested to see if I'm right...

#911 #911 show #911 speculation #yes I'm still mad but I'm also genuinely curious how this plays out

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bodysnatch3r · 5 months ago

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putting this under a read more because i have nowhere else to put it. this ended up being long! mostly i am Processing.

i think what's fucking me up about veilguard being so polarising is that i have no way to make my own value judgement. i can't play it, at all, full stop. consoles are expensive, i live paycheck-to-paycheck and realistically speaking cannot even begin to think about buying a current gen console until well into 2025. i was saving up and then in june shit happened and those savings had to be used for something else and my stipend got reduced by a couple dozen pounds and the bills went up. so it goes.

i do not want to watch someone play it because it is just antithetical to how i relate to dragon age as media, and besides anyone posting playthroughs is inundated with critical comments. and the result is that the usual mechanisms i have against brainworms concerning certain types of critical statements—knowing i can fall back on my own experiences with the games and my own judgements of where the writing succeeded or didn't, what story am i trying to tell through these interactive games, how do i reconcile it with the story the devs were trying to tell, where does it diverge, etc.—are totally inaccessible to me.

this would have been fine, i think, if the fandom consensus i've been seeing hadn't been mostly "either you hate it or love it with no in between. and if you think the opposite of me you are Stupid". which. well i guess ten years in the fandom have taught me Nothing. but i digress.

i would have been fine, because i know from experience that i am often satisfied with scraps that others may find lacking��for example, i think dai quickly dropping and flattening the mage/templar conflict into a couple of missions in the hinterlands was fine, because we have several books that hint at and deal with the larger-branching consequences of da2. much of my fan experience is, generally, concerned with where i can "fill in the blanks" because that is what interests me the most. i thrive in the corners and margins. the less i know, the more i can take what canon gives us and run.

plus, over the years i have developed a tendency to meet bioware where they are at. past experience in creative industries has really shown to me how stifling any form of artmaking can be in a corporate environment, and i know that right now the blame as to why we got veilguard and not joplin is being passed around like a hot potato, but the truth of the matter is, we will never know beyond the fact that bioware management is beholden, like all companies, to the "number go up" capitalist doctrine, no doubt reinforced by their parent company ea. and that, at least following the failure of anthem and andromeda (but i suspect from even earlier, as david gaider has said), bioware has been the ugly duckling of ea's roster. (as an aside, i would love to know who in ea has such a soft spot for bioware, that they allowed them to continue on following those massive failures.)

what i am trying to say is, i have been struggling so much with something i had managed to heal myself from, precisely because the one coping mechanism that does work for me (stewing in the source material) is totally inaccessible to me. so i have all of this antsy, nervous, conflicted energy, exacerbated by my own obsessive tendencies and the fact that sometimes having a childhood hyperfixation return full force as an adult just really fucking sucks when my personality is prone to regressing into harmful thought patterns and behaviours—is it as bad as people are saying? will it be a massive disappointment when i finally do play it? should i even like it when apparently it is such a slap in the face to the fans?—and nowhere to put it.

i kind of preferred it when we all thought this game was just never going to come out and i had made peace with it.

#crow.txt #fandom critical #bioware critical

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the-smallest-star · 3 months ago

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The air was tense.

A large check was enough to close the café to anyone else, staff having served coffee and then gone into the back.

Shi stood beside Gritt, who sat opposite his mother. The silence was heavy. "So. I see you still have your father's murderer in your employment." Gillian broke the quiet, her golden eyes flickering up to the demon. Shi's eyes narrowed at her, claws idly flexing.

This woman had caught Gritt a lot of pain throughout his life, and honestly he didn't understand why his client had allowed this sorry excuse of an incubator to sit in front of him. "Shi protected my brother. I've chosen to forgive him, seeing as Dad started it." Gritt answered, his tail giving an idle flick.

He felt sick, instinct was gnawing at him to apologise, or to run, or to lash out. But he thought about what River said, and he had to have this conversation.

"Ah, yes. The new Baron. Not sure who Patch fucked to get that position." Gillian huffed, a slight pang of anger twisted in Gritt's chest. "Could say the same about you and Crimson." Gritt replied, earning a sharp look from his mother.

"Speaking of my husband, have you seen sense? Either you've decided to sign the will he suggested, or you've finally come to the realisation you fucked up your life and you're wanting forgiveness." Gillian hummed, taking a slow sip of her coffee.

"... neither. I wanted to talk to you. Just... one last time." Gritt said, earning a raised brow from the other imp. "Everything that happened, from when I was born to now... the starvation, the beatings, breaking my horns, making me feel disgusted when I looked in the mirror... I thought that was all my fault."

He traced his fingers idly against his mug, noticing Gillian was about to confirm that, he interrupted, "But its not. And I keep taking on the weight of your actions, your threats and insults. The reality is mom, I can't be who you want me to. I never could be. Maybe that'd be a problem if I hated who I turned out to be."

Gritt let go of his mug, eyes locked onto hers.

"But I don't. The only thing I hate, is that I still care about you. Not because you're a good person, not because you 'love me'... but because you're my mother.. The reason you're still alive, is because I care and I took on that responsibility. I let you get away with so much, because I felt I'd be responsible for you dying, or being maimed or something if I didn't turn the other cheek. Like you taught me. Keep my problems to myself, cos no one else can be bothered to deal with it right?"

"Well... it goes both ways. I'm not protecting you from yourself anymore mom."

Gillian narrowed her eyes, watching her son in silence for a moment. "Meaning?" " My friends been suffering too, watching me deal with your bullshit, and being unable to stop it. You don't learn, because I didn't let you have consequences, like a kid left to their own shit. So if you cross me again, I won't be stopping any of my friends from giving you what they think you deserve. And it won't be my fault, because I'm letting you know about it now."

Bristling, Gillian stood from her seat, palms slamming on the table, "You think you can talk to me, your mother, in that disrespectful tone?!" She hissed, "You have humiliated me, taken your own father's life through this- sorry excuse for a human soul, pranced around like some whore on a stage, and let yourself go into this mess of a boy! Look at you! You're a disgrace! You look like you crawled out of the gutter, but ate all the garbage that came with it! I am your mother!"

Gritt's claws tightened, glaring at her, "You might be my mother, but you were never a mom!"

SMACK

He felt the sting on his cheek, heard the shriek as Shi held her hand and squeezed as he dangled her by her wrist. "Shi, drop her." "Gritt-." "This is the last time I save her ass, think you bruised her wrist enough she gets the message."

With a frown, Shi dropped Gillian back into her seat. She held her wrist, rage burning in her face. Gritt got up from his chair, that slap was going to sting for a bit... but it was worth it to say what he said. "This is goodbye mom. Hope that slap got your bullshit out of your system. If you want a long life with Crimson, you'll back off."

He motioned for Shi to follow, the beetle shooting one last look of disgust at the imp before stepping after his charge.

#tw: abuse #GilliantheImp #GritttheImp #ShitheBeetle #hazbin!verse

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murkystarlight · 6 months ago

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HI.

Simple is here to torture you with ships. However Simple won't go with Gabriel's ships, someone else can do this (no one will).

Anyway! First of all OMG Ivor X Romeo sounds interesting, since there are actually a lot of tropes with we can go with:

1. S1 Ivor before the c. block mess with Romeo flying around, trying to convince him to create the beast, because why else would he give someone such strong object if not for chaos? -> leading to Romeo slowly falling into Ivor's grumpy behavior, while Ivor gets used to Romeo's annoying presence.

2. S1 Ivor before the c. block mess with Romeo flying around, trying to get the c. block because dumb mortals can't have something that gave him his powers, however he's unable to take it from Ivor as long as Ivor holds it, so instead he tries to pretend to be good and stuff which leads to him falling into Ivor's grumpy behavior and slowly act more like himself, meanwhile Ivor doesn't fall for Romeo's lies, but actually falls for his true self.

Those are tropes where Ivor is a bitch and actually grounds Romeo's ego, the God is confused but likes it.

I'm too lazy to continue it, maybe another time. Back to the ships! I think I'm allowed to send multiple in a time, right? Anyway:

Milo X Reginald, Soren X Magnus, Hadrian X Otto, Nell X Petra, Axel X Jason, Olivia X Jessica, Romeo X Xara, Hadrian X Ivor, Fred X Binta.

Maybe I'll come later with some more of them:3

Ooh Ivor overpowering literal god

Jason is male and Jessica is female... right?

Well great! I love myself a list! I would love more, of course you can send multiple!! Send more~ send more~ ^^

Okay- so, the ships

Milo x Reginald

Put it in 'Love!' because... yeah why not! These two are adorable. They make sense. The prisoner and the guard. Beautiful. I love it. They would make good caring dads.

Soren x Magnus

Mnn... honestly can't see them together but wouldn't make a bad ship. So put it in 'ok'. Then again. They can be the bickering couple. Also kind of like mangaard. Y'know- the whole dynamic

Hadrian x Otto

Hmn don't see them together. But- I think it'd be interesting. Sucker for the rules x rule breaker. Drive each other crazy with no other- no other.. yeah. Can't think of anything else so.. yup. Sorry. I rated it a 'IDK...'

Nell x Petra

CUTEE I like em. Y'know, if the games weren't twisted, I feel like Petra would've loved the games. It's a similar vibe to adventure isn't it? Especially if the games are new and different every days. I could see them together so- put it in 'Like!'. Cool kids

Axel x Jason(male jesse)

Don't see them together that much. But they would make a good pair in the right ways. So maybe a 'ok'

Olivia x Jessica(female jesse)

I like em. So I put it in 'Love!' They're cute togetherrr haha(I rarely ship Jesse with anyone but with Olivia-- it sounds good. I like it quite a bit so- it made it here). Olivia and Jesse share a lot of moments. That probably gave me the idea. Yup. But um, yeah. They already talk to each other all night and gossip and have fun... they can steal a few dates with no one knowing... Axel would be a great wingman.

Romeo x Xara

I won't lie. I thought they were exes or a couple but they're gods so their fights are so high class and that's why Xara was trapped in prison XD I thought Romeo was a nickname for 'Admin'. I thought Admin was Romeo's name- I thought Xara's name was going to be Juliet or some shit*~&#^# anyways. I got nothing against them. I know its toxic. I know it's bad. I know Xara hates him. But- I mean.. no one said this has to be done from like... present time. They could have been great lovers in the past! (Yeah I'm going on about random shit now. Thank you)

Fred x Binta

Hadrian x Ivor

I have no idea what to do with this. Maybe I'm just not good with old people? I dunno- uh-.. Ivor wouldn't approve of it. It just... feels like that to me. Even if he does find himself being attracted to Hadrian and Hadrian tried to flirt with him... Ivor will try avoid him as much as he can. That's just how I feel about this. So I'll give this one a 'IDK...'

I put it in 'Dislike' but um... I don't hate it? Oh wait. Hate is also an option. Well I don't mind it. It's just that- I've been brainwashed to believe they are more like... father-daughter relationship. And I also am not very fond of "oh I'm dating the person I admire. My role model! Wow! Look at them!!" x the role model kinda trope. Because... uh- meeting your role models don't really go as planned and it's quite strange to me-... it's not like I dislike it. I feel like it could be a good ship tbh. Just... eh. Not for me ig

And that was all for this round! Okay. Thank you. I'll also start filling the chart with more common ships too now

I really just go with how I feel about these ships. How much does my heart beat when I imagine these two on a date. That's how I choose most of these. Just personal opinions. I respect whatever you ship

Also. Sorry for taking so long :p

#mcsm #minecraft story mode #mcsm ships #milo x reginald #soren x magnus #hadrian x otto #nell x petra #axel x m!jesse #olivia x f!jesse #romeo x xara #hadrian x ivor #fred x binta

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aeternallis · 2 years ago

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Hmm, I’m having feelings about this scene again, so before I get back to fic writing, I gotta just get this stuff off my chest.

See, in a lot of reconciliation fics I’ve read for KimChay, most often times when Chay asks why Kim acted the way he did, the reason is almost always some iteration of, "I wanted to protect you." Which is, in and of itself, it's not totally incorrect, but in my opinion, that answer has always felt a little off, yknow? Because it gives Kim the luxury of time in thinking about his actions and coming up with an excuse to justify his own cruel behavior. It gives him a way out that honestly feels a bit unfair to Chay, so most often it's totally brushed off to the side.

I'm not saying that answer is totally wrong, since I myself have used it in a roundabout way in my own fic, but the way I see it, at that specific moment, Kim's motivations as to why he dodged Chay and pulled away from him had absolutely nothing to do with protecting Chay and everything to do with protecting his own pride.

It's definitely not a calculated move; it's more impulsive than anything else. Lol It's an interesting thing to think about, since a part of me can't help but wonder: is this just a really mean habit he has, or is it because he didn't want Chay's perfect image of him to shatter?

Either way, whether it's part of his personality or all about protecting his image (I'm personality more leaning towards the former, ngl), Chay's wellbeing is not at all taken into consideration in this scene.

As a fan of Kim's character and trying to remain loyal to how he's portrayed in the show, I gotta not give him excuses, yknow? XD Lol

I think part of the reason this scene is so hard to watch for me is because, at the very moment at which Chay had needed Kim the most to explain to him what's going on, although Kim returns his feelings, the latter cared more about his own feelings than he ever did about the person he's in love with.

It comes to a head with their next encounter at the club scene-which is also painful af to watch-because in this moment, they both care more about their own feelings than they do each other, since Chay didn't even stop to think that Kim had just protected him from making a big mistake. And Kim didn't take Chay's feelings into consideration that seeing him would be hard to bear for Chay, considering how their breakup had gone down. :'D

In terms of character development, it's not totally a bad thing. After all, who in the world ever likes being caught red-handed AND called out (in this case, both Kim and Chay to each other)? In the beginning of the show, Porsche had a penchant for calling out Kinn's shit behavior-even when they were both aware that Kinn was already falling for him-and that allowed for the Theerapanyakul of that relationship to learn that if he wanted to be in Porsche's life, if he wanted Porsche to want to be in his life, more than loving him, Kinn also had to learn to respect him.

It's the same theme with both VegasPete and KimChay: there is a difference between loving someone and respecting them.

And for men like Kinn, Kim, and Vegas, can anyone even begin to imagine how difficult it would be to learn to respect someone, when all of them have lived their entire lives up until that point turning their noses down everyone else? That it's second nature for them to think of everyone else as trash?! That to have that sort of arrogance is part of why their family has been able to climb their way to the top?!

(The VegasPete novel makes so much more sense to me now, because Vegas found it so hard to learn to respect Pete that he had to create an entirely different persona for it! LOLOLOL HE HAD TO DISASSOCIATE, BECAUSE HIS ARROGANCE IS SUCH AN INTRINSINCT PART OF HIS PERSONALITY AS A THEERAPANYAKUL! HAHAHAHA! And Pete is all, "my baby is trying his best, so points for effort" Lol)

Kimchay's scenes up until this point have been tender and poignant, but there are moments even in the beginning where although Kim was falling for Chay already, he didn't respect him whatsoever (ignoring his calls, giving him homework without any intention of following up, etc.)

The breakup scene was a jostling reminder to the audience that we cannot ever forget that Kim is a Theerapanyakul, and with that name, comes all the hubris and arrogance that being a member of that family entails. There is credibility to what Pete says when he states that out of all of them, Kinn is the most normal.

In other words, Kinn is the most "normal" because not only does he genuinely care about the wellbeing of the bodyguards in a way the rest of the family doesn't (Tankhun is tactless when he speaks towards them, Vegas uses them as meat shields, and Kim is dismissive and cold towards them, etc), but also because of the softness he genuinely harbors inside, he's more easily able to let go of that arrogance (case in point: the forest adventure with Porsche).

Is it any wonder to Korn WHY the bodyguards can easily be bought off? :'D

(Side note: We know Kim himself is somewhat aware of his own vanity, as he was able to perfectly say the line in the screenshot without hesitation. On top of that, this is a very loaded line; wtf has he done before that he would even be aware of his own reputation?! Haha! I know the established fanon is also that he's bad at playing detective, but I wonder if it's not necessarily that he's bad at intel gathering, and more like he was having an off day with this particular leg of his detective work, since daddy dearest is actively making sure he's a couple steps ahead of his son. Hmm.

In my opinion, it lines up more with Kim's subsequent actions later down the road, and the overarching theme of KPTS (falling in love is in and of itself a humbling experience), as this gorgeous fucker did not at all think about the consequences of his actions. XD

It isn't until Chay has completely cut him off that Kim begins to learn that simply loving him won't be enough-will never be enough-to get him back in his life.

#kimchay #kinnporsche the series #meta post #i'm ranting again #i love these two so much #even if they're hard to think about sometimes

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desceros · 1 year ago

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Hey, if this is too personal totally feel free to disregard this! But I've seen you mention having adhd more than once, and I know a super common symptom is executive dysfunction. The professionals I see aren't sure if I have adhd specifically, but they agree that I definitely have major executive dysfunction issues. Like... it feels like an actual, physical wall between me and the things I need to do, and even want to do. This wall feels... impossible to scale. I think that's just executive dysfunction in general, though, and isn't really unique to me. I just wanted to know if you have any tips that help you do the things you want to do or need to do even when it feels impossible? I've tried so many of the tips I see online, I've done quite a bit of research into the mental illnesses I do have and even the ones I likely have, and... I don't know. I still just feel stuck. Sorry if my thoughts are disorganized or hard to follow, I'm sorta really going through it right now. I'm fine, just... stressing myself out. Any tips you feel comfortable giving would be so, so appreciated. And thank you for taking the time to read this!

yes indeed, i am hashtag officially diagnosed with what i like to affectionately call my dumb bitch disease (not that anyone else is allowed to use that term for it.... well. maybe my very close friends. but yeah. gotta laugh at the awful things so you don't cry, right?)

so the thing with adhd (well. any kind of mental health issue) is that it's all a spectrum. every human person on this planet is somewhere on the euclidean axis of how many neurodivergencies they have. some people have no recognizable symptoms in any of the recognized areas we have. some people may have mild issues with things, and it's a bit fuzzy if they "have adhd or not." when you talk to a professional, there's a particular line of demarcation that happens when someone is looking to diagnose you with something.

do these symptoms interfere with your day to day life? are they severe enough to rise to the level of DISORDER?

it's completely possible for you to struggle with executive function and not have adhd. you may have something else, as executive function disorder is not exclusively in the domain of adhd, or it might just be that those particular neurons are cranky in your brain. what you're doing here—recognizing symptoms and looking for ways to address them—is really good, and basically what adhd therapy does, anyway.

all that being said, honk shoo honk shoo, let's get into a What The Fuck Are You Talking About for people who want more information on the subject, and some advice i have for you. i'll start generally, then talk a little bit about the writing thing specifically since it's a bit of a special beast for me.

what you are describing does indeed sound like issues with executive function to me.

first, for those new to the idea, executive function is the fancy term for the "executive" of your brain. the guy in a fancy suit who makes shit happen. when you walk by a dirty plate, you have the thought "oh i should put that in the dishwasher." executive function is the gap between the thought "oh i should x" and doing x.

a lot of the problems that neurodivergent people have, especially those with adhd, is that this function is impaired. some days, it's just fucking impossible to move that plate.

and it's not consistently, or predictably. some days, you will be perfectly able to do the thing. yesterday you put the plate in the dishwasher. today you put the plate in the dishwasher. tomorrow you will put the plate in the dishwasher. but tuesday comes, and you walk by the dirty plate, think "oh i should put that in the dishwasher," and then you stand there and stare at it without moving it. and you're like, c'mon. it's easy. you did it yesterday. all it takes is moving your hand. picking up the plate. walking into the kitchen. putting it inside the dishwasher. isn't that so easy? why can't you do it? why isn't your hand moving? are you lazy? are you stupid? this is infuriating! you literally just did this yesterday! you've done it a hundred times! what the fuck is wrong with you?! and then wednesday comes. now you have two dirty plates. now the task is twice as hard. maybe you can do it. maybe you can't. it's a harder task now. now you have three plates. now you're guilty because you have all these dirty plates, and it's a mountainous task now, and your roommate is giving you stink eyes for leaving dirty plates out, and you're a fucking adult who should be able to take care of some dirty plates, and you want to, you WANT to take care of the plates, but every time you THINK about them you flop into a cold sweat—

this is executive dysfunction. it's one of the more insidious side effects of adhd in my experience. that said, there are a lot of little tricks i've gotten from therapy specific to addressing this problem, so i'll give you a list here.

DO I HAVE TIME? this is best used for small, quick tasks like our plate example. you walk by the dirty plate and think "i should put this in the dishwasher." do you have time, right now, to do it? will it interfere with the thing you were doing? for example, if you're on the way out the door because your ride is honking, the answer is no. if you're on the way to get another glass of water while kicking back and watching some youtube, the answer is yes. if you have the time, do it now. now let's say you bring the plate into the kitchen and open the dishwasher. it's clean. you haven't emptied it yet. now the task has changed. but that's okay; do you have the time to empty the dishwasher right now? maybe you only get an hour a week to kick back and watch the youtube, and it's a special time that you need in order to recharge. the answer becomes no. well the plate is in the kitchen now instead of your room. victory.

COIN FLIP GAME. this one i actually got from the anti-planner by dani donovan, which i can Not recommend highly enough. there is a task you have to do, and you want to do it, but you're having a problem getting started. or maybe you have to do it but it feels icky, but you do really need to do it. the important thing for this trick is that it is not time sensitive; if you don't do it right now, it's okay. so you flip a coin. heads, you do it. tails, you get to wait until you have the thought that you need to do it again. if you get tails, then you are allowed, guilt-free, not to do the thing. if you get heads, sorry champ but you're doing the thing. gamifying it in this manner kind of... cheats your brain into approaching things differently, which can help you get around that brick wall.

TASK INITIATION. sometimes, it's not that the task itself is the problem; it's because you're having problem with what's called "task initiation." getting Started doing the thing is really fucking hard. if this is your issue, you can try and approach it a different way, usually by going "backwards" down the order of operations. so say for example, laundry. i have a lot of trouble with laundry. if i think to myself "i need to do my laundry," i have difficulty with the task initiation there. so what i do instead of "starting" at the shoving clothes into the washing machine part, i'll go into my room and make sure i've picked up all the dirty clothes and sorted them out. check my bathroom for towels and washcloths. sort them away. now i'm standing in front of my dirty laundry, and i'm "doing laundry," so it's easier to pick up one of the organizer bags and take it into the laundry room. i went backwards down the line and found a place in the task list where i could begin without the hassle, then i basically tricked myself into continuing past the point where i was having trouble.

BREAK UP THE TASK. this one is good if you feel like you're looking at a mountain and it's so overwhelming you just. don't do the thing. you'll hear it a lot: "just break it up into smaller tasks!" but. what the fuck does that actually mean? what does it look like? it's going to depend on You, but let's look at our plate example. so we just walked by the plate and we know we need to put it into the dishwasher. well. let me start by looking at the plate. can i do that? can i pick it up? let's say the answer is no. well, why? maybe i'm so stressed from work that this is just one too many things on my, haha, plate right now. okay. maybe don't worry about this right now, then. or maybe i'm having trouble because i know that the dishwasher is full of clean dishes, so it's not really as simple as "put the plate in the dishwasher." so, bring the plate into the kitchen. put it on the counter. maybe that's enough for now. or maybe i can open the dishwasher. look inside. it's full, and i don't really have the energy to unload it right now. ...or maybe i do, but i'm just looking at this huge thing that feels too big. maybe i can put away one plate. okay. that wasn't so bad. maybe i can put away all the plates. plates are easy. my trick is i take all the clean dishes OUT of the dishwasher and put them on my kitchen island without worrying about putting them away yet. then i load the dirty things into the dishwasher. well now i turn around and i have all the clean dishes pilled up nicely here. momentum really is everything. one task leads to two leads to five leads to done.

TASK BUNDLING. this is useful if you're trying to be more consistent about something and you already have something else you do consistently. for example, i have dogs. every night around six pm, i feed them supper. now, historically, i've had problems with remembering to eat/feeling like cooking when i wasn't hungry/being hungry but having trouble cooking. i don't need to tell you how unhealthy that is, hahaha. so what i did is i bundled my supper together with their supper. they will eat every night. they will Not forget to remind me that they want to eat. i make their supper every day. so i make their supper, feed it to them, and bam! i'm in the kitchen. preparing food already. so it's really easy for me to keep going and prepare My food. let's say you want to drink more water. every time you open tumblr, bundle together the task of checking to make sure you have a glass of water with you, and take a sip. let's say you want to take a vitamin. keep the bottle by your toothbrush. and get weird with it! don't let social norms hold you back. i have a toothbrush in my shower. i have medicine on the bookshelf next to where i play video games. these aren't the "usual" places for things, but they Work for ME. find the places that work for you, and bundle things together. you'll be a lot more likely to do them if they're tied to something else.

BODY DOUBLING. this one is HUGE. i've actually infected my neurotypical friends in discord with this one, it's so powerful, hehehe. basically, you externalize the executive function. there are a couple of ways to do this. if you want to do something, ask someone to be in the room with you. they don't have to be doing the same thing, or anything, really. but having another Person there (another BODY, if you will) will make it so you can do the thing. you can also do this over discord. for example, my friends and i will open up a voice chat, and we'll be doing things. i'll be writing, khaya will be drawing, yorsh will be writing or drawing, keisha will be writing or drawing... and because we're all there together, we're super productive! it smashes through that brick wall a bit. there is a whole genre of youtube videos i LOVE that target this thing. find "study with me" type videos where you have someone doing homework or something, maybe they have rain, or lofi music, or just the ambient noises of a coffee shop; whatever you find most helpful. i actually body double with a little fox timer i have on my desk. i turn him on for an hour, and since he's "working," it's really easy for me to be like "ok i gotta work too." silly? yes. does it work? yes!

BULLET JOURNAL/APPS. i don't mean the pinterest pretty things where you end up spending way too much time on making a pretty spread. i mean the actual basic bullet journal that the original creator developed because he has adhd and needed something to keep his shit straight. i did this for a while, and i found it somewhat useful? eventually i found more success with the app TickTick, which is so good for me keeping my tasks straight and accounted for, i pay for the premium bc fuck yeah. if you're the kind of person motivated by streaks (think, like, doing something because you don't want to break a streak. i am very much this person.) then i've gotten a lot of good mileage out of the Today app. i don't use it much anymore, but it's very good if that's a motivating thing for you.

WEAPONIZE ANNOYANCE. i do this one a lot. i have certain things that annoy me a lot. like, being wasteful with water really annoys me. so that means i don't like to wash laundry more than once. which means, if i put something in the washing machine, i WILL move it into the dryer. so if i can put my laundry into the washing machine and get it started, i have defeated the demon of moving it into the dryer by weaponizing my own irritation against myself. same thing with gritty bathroom floors. my cat's litterbox is in my bathroom. i Really hate stepping out of the shower and feeling litter under my feet. so i'm pretty meticulous about keeping the bathroom floor clean, even though sometimes i have a moment of executive dysfunction about vacuuming every day, because whenever i hit that brick wall i think. ok. well. we can look at this brick wall that's here. now think about the sensation of stepping out onto cat litter out of the shower. aofjalsfjadlskfjslakfjsalkfj. and that's enough for me to reach for the vacuum. so you can use your preferences against your weaknesses, especially if they're things that you're Very particular about.

RECONTEXTUALIZE. my therapist will sometimes stop me and say "you are should-ing all over yourself." and this is when i'm saying things like "i should x" or "i should y." i should be able to put away this plate in the dishwasher. i did it yesterday! i should be able to do it today! the moment you catch yourself thinking these things, stop. think about it differently. instead of "i should be able to put this plate away," think "i want to be able to put this plate away." now you can say. well. why do i want to put the plate away? because it's dirty, and dirty dishes will attract bugs. i don't want bugs. i want my room to be clean and smell nice. i want to enjoy being in here. now, instead of a chore that needs to be done, you can think about it as a positive thing you're doing. sometimes this is enough to get around that wall.

now. you've asked me about writing specifically, which is. kind of a special beast for me. you said it seems like i have a compulsion to do it—and it really does kind of feel that way. if i go too long without writing, i feel uncomfortable. antsy. like i'm not doing what i need to be doing in order to be Me. as such, it's usually not that difficult for me to convince myself to write. if i start seeing a brick wall about it, i can go "...but... think about the COOL SHIT that's about to happen in symphony!!" and i'll go "OH YEAH" and break right the fuck through that brick wall kool-aid style.

that said. i do experience executive dysfunction with my writing. there are days when i want to write, i have the scene in my head, i have the time, i'm in my special writing place, and i sit down and—and i can't do it. i can't write. i keep clicking into tumblr. i close tumblr on my computer then pick up my phone. i watch youtube videos. it's like no matter what i do, i can Not focus on writing. even though i am screaming and rattling at the cages because i want to!!! i want to write!!! i want to do nothing MORE than write!!!!

often, one of the tricks above will work for me since i've learned how to use them over the years, and i have practice tricking myself. i find particular success with the body doubling in particular for writing. but some days, it just. Doesn't Happen. and here is the ultimate truth that i will bestow upon you:

it's okay if you don't do the thing.

so you don't pick up that plate today, and tomorrow you have two. so you don't do your laundry, so you have to do it tomorrow. so you miss a meal. you go a day without writing. it's okay. as long as you're safe and healthy, it's okay. tomorrow is another day for you to try and do the thing.

stressing out about how much you want to do the thing is counterproductive. you're just going to make yourself ill doing that, and then you'll be less capable of doing things. just... chill. relax. breathe. do what you can. try the tips i gave, look for some more and see if those work, and if they don't... all right. it just isn't meant to happen today. no big deal. do something else today. maybe you don't pick up that plate... but you do fold that laundry that was giving you a brick wall a few days ago. maybe you don't write that fic today... but you do read that book you've been putting off, and now you have a new favorite author you want to pick apart and study. life is short, and precious. don't should on yourself.

#ask tag #adhd tag #holy FUCK this got long. but i hope it helps you a little c:

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