#why are they are so gay ive never watched this before

[garfieldfartz]

"theres so much eros in this routine! i think it might impregnate me!" yuri ☹️ its ice skating ☹️

[uchimakis]

been seeing so much unnecessary bi mike slander on my dash recently. sometimes selfcare is blocking 15 people and going into the bi mike tag for an hour <3

[dizzybizz]

hai here is a sketch dump with too many fandoms :) sorry about the ungodly amount of men here i have been going through it and by it i mean gay

ok wait i ran out of tags??? it wont let me tag them all😭😭😭 im gonna have to be sparing with them uhh i guess i will have to ramble under the cut then cus i like rambling in my tags but i cant with this one 😭

(ok im back from the ramble: it is way too long.... proceed forward if you want to see some guy just absolutely talk nonsense for entirely too long)

no cus i swear i have tried tagging more stuff than this before and never hit the limit but whatever

hello i really use this like a fkn blog huh

i just wanted to provide some thoughts on the harper and rosé one first bc its important to me 😌 cus i was thinking abt harper and how in my head and heart of hearts she would be the kid who thought you get pregnant from kissing and i dont think she ever really grew out of that belief. <- this ended up spawning the idea of harper being a sex-repulsed ace and i will die on this hill actually. fight me or die, you die either way actually nvm

this is just a buncha blorbos i dont know what to tell you really. sketch pages like these always end up so weird for me bc for some reason my brain always wants the characters in them to interact in some way. whether that be talking or just reacting to what the other is doing... its something i cant stop with, its so stupid and silly and i hate it and i love it. where else would i see kabru slowly losing his mind with how loud phoenix wright is in court????

I THOUGHT I HAD GOTTEN OFF THE RAILS WITH THAT BUT THEN THE NEXT PAGE HAPPENED. and all i could do was laugh and ask "what the fuck am i drawing??? HOW DID WE GET HERE? WHY IS THISTLE HERE WITH LEOPIKA HELP" LIKE that page started with the big leopika and then i was like "man i miss thistle lemme draw him real quick" but the curse struck and now hes being homophobic so </3

i rlly like how the nic(k) page turned out ... i just have a lot of nicks i like drawing idk.. the lil guy is an oc,,, one day his ref sheet will be finished and itll be awesome but not for now, sorry baby, no can do. im weirdly happy with how the hands turned out for all of them tho?? so thats a W

yotasuke, murai, nick (youll never know which one im referring to. .. jkjk its hoult i love the pose there ehehhe), nic and the entire last page r my favs. i like em all but those rlly get me yknow- the olly too ofc but ive already posted him, dont mind him being here, hes part of the set. AND OVER ALL IVE BEEN HAVING SO FUN WITH SHADING BLACK AND JUST LEAVING SPOTS BLANK ITS SO ?`????

WHY IS THIS SO LONG PLS DONT READ ALL THIS THIS IS STRAIGHT UP EMBARRASSING AGHSDFGSDHJSGD im all like "yeah i dont like talking about myself or whatever" but as soon as i get to my process or blorbos or smth the floodgates fucking break open, not even burst man.

also dont mind how i havent even acknowledged pingas twink pokemon counterpart. hes just here for shits and giggles i dont know the guy like at all, i watched a handful of eps of horizons and that was it RIP

[coriphallus]

DA: The Veilguard Spoiler review pt2 - The Grime

this is a hard one to tackle without strawmaning anyone because itll be a direct response to alot of defense ive seen for the games morality system so ill just start by saying, iykyk

never a genre has been better equipped to discuss ethics than the interactive medium of games and yes, bioware games have been doing it since baldurs gate and no, theyve not always been 'centrist' and 'conservative'. im not even gonna entertain that idea. do you remember the cultural landscape DA:O released to? the landscape it was developed in? dont give me that just because zevran doesnt write in his little notes -that you can conveniently read- 'gay good. not me but me bisexual'

Thedas is a flawed world and its a world thats just as desperate to hang on to its status quo as our own. every time you play an elf thats thriving, or a human thats queer, or a mage thats not institutionalised you exist in a world that doesnt want you, it is an act of defiance that you do.

im sure we can all see why these games were so popular with the audience they can only weakly try to pander to today.

derailing time again; so one of my favourite paintings of all time is saturn devouring his son. it makes me feel so uncomfortable that it gave me nightmares as a child, and i still cant look at it without feeling this knot in my throat. i hate it. i hate how it makes me feel, how that man looks at me in terror like its begging me for help while cannibalising another. weird story but i was bewitched by that painting as a little kid.

it is not a well drawn painting, the proportions are all over the place, brush strokes crude and inelegant. it doesnt even have a deeper story nor was it intended for an audience. i will never know what goya thought of when drawing it.

i thought alot about that painting later in my life when i was struggling with mental health problems, i thought about goya alot too as an adult and after learning about his life. i stared at his paintings and remembered when i told my dad that i hated [saturns] big eyes and hed jokingly said "it would be scarier if he didnt have eyes"

i know what the drawing looks like now, nearly everyone with a little access to the internet does. if somebody removed saturn from it, we'd still be left with a brutalised headless carcass of a man in a canvas too big for itself. if we removed that too all we'd be left with would be void.

i dont want to live in a world where all i know of goya is his rococo work, i dont want to stare at the painting of a void knowing what filled it before. i hated every second of germinale but i never wanted it to be anything other than itself, the story it tells could never hold credence otherwise.

DAV has done its best to paint over it, but its still on the old canvas and i cant look away from the negative space its left, i know whats under it and it unsettles me, infuriates me. it hands me a palette with baby blues and pinks and tells me to paint over it to make a prettier painting. didnt i hate the eyes? wasnt it gross before?

i am not going to write why we need some grime in art, but its absence is disheartening. and to those who say hanged people in the streets or blighted villagers is dark and mature ill say no. its a kids idea of maturity, its the aesthetic of it with no substance. it means nothing to me if rook can just drench themselves in gallons of blight as they crawl through it. the horror of blight has never been the black goo and slimy tentacles, or the monster woman with way too many tits. it is watching people you love slowly fade away, it is a woman who was forced to cannibalise the contaminated flesh of her friends because the woman she loved betrayed her, it was the sheer scale and inevitability of it.

one area we go to is overrun by it and the game begs me to feel hopeful that flowers are growing again when it never let me lose hope. people have already prevailed, they have roofs over their heads and a steady supply of food on their tables. their spirit is unwavering.

its bad, everybody says. the sky is grey and soil is blackened, as my rook turns some statues to access a haunted house whos inhabitants are long gone and the only story they could ever tell is gone with them.

if the question is do i want to see famine? plague? misery? abuse? assault? the answer is yes. yes. i want to see it all of the filth. i rather face the fucking monster head on with its big bulging eyes and misshapen limbs than stare at the abyss its absence leaves on the canvas.

and if nothing else, this bastardization is disrespectful to the people who gave the IP its fame.

Why choose to be good?

back in the bsn days ive wondered why, even in a fictional universe where your choices have no real-life repercussions what-so-ever, players had more 'good' playthroughts than 'bad'?

what happens when you start killing NPCs, when youre needlessly mean to them? the game actively closes off its own content. you get less out of the game. just as, completely incidentally, you'd get less out of your life if you just started killing everyone around you. The world would be emptier, youd be alone.

in that quote i stole from good place chidi doesnt ask "why be good?" the wording is painfully deliberate. doing good is always a choice, and often not the easy one. what makes the act matter is that you chose to do it, even when given 6 other options not to. did i stop in the middle of an important quest to help a man retrieve an heirloom from a darkspawn infested hut? did i hear what that heirloom meant to him?

i cant stop thinking about that speech ever since playing this game after knowing its predecessors.

So, why do it then? Why choose to be good, every day, if there is no guaranteed reward we can count on, now or in the afterlife? I argue that we choose to be good because of our bonds with other people and our innate desire to treat them with dignity. Simply put, we are not in this alone.

i cant stop looking at this game that spits on its own legacy and think how could they have missed what fundamentally makes us human so bad, what makes us relate and empathise with eachother. what makes us pick the option to interact with an npc who openly hates what hawke is, and allow us to see the traumatised man underneath.

these characters of fiction are written by real people. i have absolutely nothing in common with a guy from canada yet for a brief moment in time i feel a sense of camaraderie as ive felt with goya that i couldnt articulate as a kid.

Nothing too terrible

DAV says it over and over again -as its wont to do with every piece of its flimsy morality- that people can change, people can be redeemed yet it shines as the game with most static characters in its franchise. it simply says things, and since it has nothing to show for it it makes sure to say it repeatedly, in case you missed it.

so when i first played DAO i was in high school, i started with a human noble because fresh out of dark side edgy kotor fame i wanted to be a posh brat. also because, ya kno, we were poor my entire life up until that point and i wanted to have power.

i committed to it, even as the game stripped cousland of everything he had, because i thought a man like him would. i picked the racist options, the sexist options, the options a man in couslands place would. halfway point of the game as i exhausted the initial dialogues something happened; this man who got paid to kill people, who showed no remorse nor care for his victims, begged my cousland to stil his blade.

and i did. i thought maybe he would be as confused as i was, maybe he had a moment of clarity but from thereon bit by bit he was less of an asshole. the characters grew around me, and my character grew around them. i chose to be good because -textually- we were in this together, at the end of all things.

rook is not a character, theyre a mascot. and quite frankly i think they may be a very evangelical mascot because they remind me of evangelical preachings of jesus more than the man from the bible (and i say this as someone whos only exposure to christianity has been through foreign media and the bible ive read that one time). they are the epitome of do no evil and their existence hinges on the frail concept of moral purity. theyre not a person trying to do good, who wants to be good, they are 'good'

-and lemme tell you its a wild choice to have someone like that locked in a prison of 'regret'-

rook can be mean to only one person in the game, and thats someone they dont even have a personal beef with for the most part. but even then they would be shouting at a wall because the game doesnt only undermine them with its narrative, but also every npc in the game suddenly gets possessed by the ghost of wattpad rejects past for a moment to tell them everyone can be redeemed. and i believe it because i played the other games, i believe it because i know zevran and sten and morrigan, isabela and thom and iron bull and dorian. i know it because i can see the vague shapes behind the new coat of paint but i am not rook.

so no, the game fails to get people-can-change points by its own merit, and it cannot gain points from its prequels because it destroyed them. none of those characters i watched grow exist in this universe. zevran cant exist with DAV crows, fenris` story cant exist in an imperium with invisible slaves only glimpsed through empty cages and broken chains left scattered on the ground. i dont know which morrigan this NPC is, is it the woman who grew to learn kindness, who begged to sleep with her friend just to save them despite knowing it would play into the plans of a destiny she so desperately tried to break free from? or is she the clever puppet her mother groomed her to be who wanted to harness the power of a god? i dont know her, i dont know this dorian or this isabela beyond their names ipso facto this is not a sequel.

bellara asks an assassin why he is trying to save the world and his answer is "ive done some things in the past im not too proud of. nothing too terrible, but some of it was bad." and i can hear the games desperation for me to not engage with its material in that 'nothing too terrible'

lucanis never killed anyone innocent, taash never harmed an animal they could shoo of or reason with, emmrich venerates the dead and is friends with every wisp he pulls to use in menial labour, davrin joined the wardens willingly because he wanted to do good...

rook tells harding that her anger is justified when shes not even allowed anger of her own.

nothing too terrible.

aside from creating boring and nonsensical and static characters it creates a dreadful echochamber that we're forced to sustain. No taash is not valid, their gender is but their behaviour is not and for the character to grow and mature it needs to be addressed. lucanis doesnt need to be pampered in shock blankets he needs to see how repressing his problems and jeopardising his health puts people around him in danger etc etc. they are adults and they need to learn more complex ways of healing. and if rooks flaw is that theyre an enabler, then that needs to be acknowledged by the narrative in some way too, and not mindlessly endorsed because they say some buzzwords.

none of these interpersonal relationships feels real because none of these people feel real beyond some draft of themes and tropes. some interactions literally remind me of two bots in facebook comments

i look at this dialogue wheel with familiar symbols and all im reminded of is hawke telling carver he carries every death with him, of him telling his uncle that he wasnt fast enough, of him begging the person he loves to tell him that his mothers death wasnt his fault.

and they dont. they just sit there with him.

[cas-writes-stuff-ig]

Cheering Her Up

f!/nb! reader x regina george (you love to make Regina feel better)

She calls you "duck" (ITS FUNNY/CUTE I PROMISE)

closeted bi Regina, and openly enby/lesbian reader

reader binds their chest with transtape/kt tape

secret relationship

cheering her up

Regina is taller than you

CONTENT: SO SO SO SORRY I KNOW IM WEIRD

Word Count: 1853

(Originally supposed to be a one shot)

kind of alludes to sex but not explicitly

Regina lets you write your own diss in her Burn Book, so Gretchen and Karen don't get suspicious as to why you're not in it. (a bit of transphobia and homophobia, t-slur/d-slur)

Past bullying and some self-deprication

Reader is a weirdo but Regina likes it

Reader likes classic rock and old hits, Regina pretends to despise it

She lashes out at you but its all good in the end :)

Reader likes to sing

Part 2 of Cheering Her Up (A Party)

a/n: this is a huge self-insert for me, I was really vibing to Bob Seger earlier (btw this is the second thing ive written in like 5 years spare me)

ALSO feel free to message or comment any feedback is appreciated 🙏

——————————————————————————————

Before the sophomore year, you were sure Regina totally despised you. She openly criticized any gay person she came across. Sophomore year, you were seated next to her in math and history, and you felt like you were going to be destroyed.

But when you came over to her house for a project, she asked "You have your first kiss yet?"

It caught you off guard. "Uh, no. Why?" your voice squeaked, although you knew she was a bitch. You were attracted to her.

She got close to your face and smirked, you could feel her breath on yours. "No reason," She grabbed the back of your head and kissed you. You didn't kiss back out of shock and Regina pulled away and went red, she opened her mouth to say something to excuse her actions, but you leaned in and kissed her again. That moment opened a whole new door for both of you.

After that, you and Regina got really close. Outside of the school halls, and in the comfort of Regina's mansion, you were secretly her best friend but also her friend with benefits. She isn't out yet either, she still has too much pride to be seen with a loser, but you don't mind waiting for her.

She was slightly nicer to you than others at school. She was actually pretty kind to you behind closed doors. She cared about you even if she never said it out loud. So about a month after you started hooking up, you were at her house and she handed you her Burn Book which was open to a blank page with only your picture on it. "I don't want Karen and Gretchen to get suspicious as to why you're not in it."

You could deal with the insults and the taunts, it never bothered you that much, so you wrote something that used to bother you 'Y/N L/N is a tranny dyke'.

The thing that did get to you was in 8th grade when you confessed to a girl, and she told everyone in your PE class that you watched girls change in the locker room. Everyone shunned you after that, but you grew thick skin. In freshman year you found your place amongst the loners and the nerds. You were content with it.

"Are you sure you want that in there?" Regina asked, what you wrote about yourself was harsh.

You nodded "Regina, I'm out of the closet already. It's a secret everybody already knows" You closed the book and handed it back to Regina and she tucked it away. "If I walk like a duck, swim like a duck, and quack like a duck, I'm probably a duck" She laughed at your joke, and you corrected yourself smiling "I mean dyke"

"You're so stupid" Regina replied, but it wasn't mean or full of scorn, she just shoved your shoulder. She changed your name to "Duck" in her contacts.

A week later you found out what your contact name was, you laughed at her a little and she got defensive "I'll change it then" and you quickly stopped laughing and took her phone.

"No no, keep it, please Regina it's cute" You yanked her phone out of her hand and tried to keep it away from her. You laughed again and ran around her room holding her phone, but she cornered you, pushing your chest, then your back hit the wall. You were breathless from running and grinned, though her face was stern. "I'm sorry, Gina. Please keep it, it's fine really"

The look on her face made you lose your confidence and you backed down, and handed her phone back, "Thanks loser" She tucked it back in her pocket, and she had a smug smile. "You're lucky I'm in a forgiving mood today" and tilted your chin up and kissed your lips.

After that day, it became one of your inside jokes, and "Duck" became one of your nicknames.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

That summer she invited you over to swim at her pool for the first time. "Hey loser, hurry up" she opened the door and led you to her pool.

You brought your only swim trunks and taped your breasts back to go swimming. She was in a tight bikini and she slipped in the pool, you took your shirt off, and she was staring at your body.

You weren't sporty, but you went to the gym, it's not like you had rock-hard abs, but you were toned and Regina hadn't seen you like that in the sunlight before, you beamed as you basked in the warm sun.

"Hey Duck, get in here" she beckoned you, you seized an opportunity to make a joke.

You bent your knees and flapped your arms a little walking back and forth at the edge of the pool "Quack quack" You giggled out. Regina cracked out a smile that evolved into laughter, her laugh warmed you more than the sunlight.

When you slipped into the pool, she was still laughing at you. "You're such a dumbass"

She splashed water at you when you tried to come and hug her in the pool. "Hey!" you yelped as the water got in your face and you splashed back.

After you just relaxed in the pool, you floated on your back, eyes closed, and sun-kissed skin. You didn't notice how Regina looked at you, but you heard water swish as she walked toward your floating body. You cracked an eye open, the sun was behind her making her look ethereal. Regina's blonde hair glowed, she looked like an angel, not the bitchy Queen Bee at school.

"Hey," you tried opening your eyes but just squinted.

She leaned down and said "Hey" back in her sweet voice and kissed you gently.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The summer pushed you closer together, of course, she had her fair share of parties she went to with the Plastics. You were there at parties too, but you both only shot each other glances. The days she hung out with the Plastics, you missed her company.

You got your license over the summer and when you got the message that she was back home, you hopped in your Mini Cooper and drove to her house and picked her up. Though she usually drove you around in her Jeep.

"Where we heading today?" you asked as she hopped in the car

She ignored your question and her attention was on your music "Earth, Wind & Fire's 'September'? Really?" she criticized your music taste.

She buckled in and you said, "What's wrong with my music taste Regina?"

"God you really are a loser" she insulted, you could tell she was in a mood today. You were a little hurt but tried not to take it personally. "7-11 can you grab me a Diet Coke?" you nodded and started driving.

You skipped to the next song and what played was Bee Gee's "More Than A Woman" You smiled and sang along to it. Hoping Regina would get the hint you were singing it to her.

"Suddenly you're in my life, A part of everything I do. You got me workin' day and night. Just tryin' to keep a hold on you..." Your fingers tapped against the steering wheel and you moved your shoulders to the beat of the song.

She just groaned and pressed her temples, you thought she really hated it but from the corner of your eye, you saw a corner of her lip lift slightly. After seeing that you sang your heart out a little more at a red light you turned to her momentarily "More than a woman. More than a woman to me" and grinned wide.

"Hey! Keep your eyes on the road!" she pushed your head to look back at the road.

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At school when Junior year started, Regina and you acted like you two were nothing, you both devised a facade as to why you interacted at all. It was a half-truth, everyone at school thought Regina paid y/n to do their math homework. But you only did that sometimes, and usually just helped her.

Today when you met at her house she was upset about something. "Regina, what's wrong?" you asked worriedly.

"Nothing, stay out of it" she snapped at you and she stomped up the stairs to her room.

You followed her "Regina come on," she turned on her heel and looked at you angrily and lashed out.

"Why are you even here? You're not dating me, stop acting like it" She yelled at you.

You paused and your heart faltered "Regina..." you said quietly. She turned back around and she slammed her bedroom door. Regina crawled in the sheets and just went to sleep. You didn't follow her in. But you walked downstairs to her kitchen and opened her fridge.

When Regina woke up she smelled some kind of pastry downstairs and light music. She opened her door and crept down the stairs, as she approached the kitchen, she heard your humming.

The next song started to play, your back was turned and you were using her mom's apron and mittens, pulling out a batch of brownies from the oven. When you sang alone, you were cheesier and poured your heart into each song, then you placed the brownies onto a cooling rack on the island counter and pretended to hold a mic.

"Still like that old-time rock and roll. That kind of music just soothes the soul" You closed your eyes and turned around still pretending to hold a microphone "I reminisce about the days of old, with that old-time rock and roll" Regina just smiled stifling laughter.

But when you started playing air guitar, at the part with no lyrics. You heard her giggle and your eyes shot open, face reddening "Regina! You're up!" she just laughed at your incredible dorkiness and walked up to you, this was the highlight of her day.

You brushed off your embarrassment from getting caught when you saw how happy it made her. And you walked closer to her and continued to mouth the song and dance around her. Still wearing her mom's frilly apron. You took her hand and spun her around and she still laughed at your silliness.

You stopped and walked back to the counter where she followed, "Brownies?" you smiled.

"Yeah, sure" She sat down at the table and you cut two pieces out.

When you handed her a plate, she looked up at you and spoke softly "Sorry about earlier..."

You smiled softly and took her hand as you sat next to her "Its okay, don't worry about it" You let go of her hand and then asked, "You feeling better now?"

"Yeah, thanks duck" She leaned towards you and kissed your lips. "You're so fucking corny" Regina pulled away.

You smirked "You secretly love it"

"I do" She responded, you almost choked on your own spit at her admission. She reveled in your panic and took a bite of the brownie you made her.

Only you could make her smile like this, and laugh like this, you knew that, and you had your silent victory.

Part 2 of Cheering Her Up (A Party)

[rogersandclarke]

mutual 1: see the thing about obi wan is that even if he could get pregnant he would do a force-abortion on himself because he believes that strongly in adoption

mutual 2: do you think matt damon was seething and coping when j-lo dropped "dear ben" or do you think matt and ben were still hooking up at this time? essentially if the album dropped in 2002, the bennifer engagement is nov 2002-january 2004, and matt gets married in 2005,

mutual 3: my ebay bidding war for paul reubens's spit in a jar is going really well due to the psychic attacks i've been sending to the other bidder

mutual 4: local authorities wont let me into this abandoned hoarder house in rural wyoming. dies horribly. #i love drunk driving

mutual 5: listen ive studied rpf for years you dont understand. the homoerotic undercurrent of britpop is a different breed than what george and bob had going on. theres a playful aura facilitated by the early 90s

mutual 6: i am going to pound philip seymour hoffman into the ground so lovingly

mutual 7: im doing crazy things to davy jones pussy over here

mutual 8: thinking of writing my thesis on the evolution of rpf #no don't look at my lb diary yes i watched 10 martin & lewis movies this week

mutual 9: you see robbie and bob were having on and off trysts ever since robbie stopped him from killing himself in 1966 but it took martin scorseses tender devotion to show robbie how unhealthy that was

mutual 10: thankfully neil young started estrogen in early 1970. otherwise she never couldve made harvest

mutual 11: how minutes of semi-truck sound effects do you guys think i can play on my radio show before people start tuning away

mutual 12: put this post underwater sorry. but i just feel so angry when people post about their mutuals like they're people they never talk to. i've moved to different countries three times for my mutuals.

mutual 13: [picture of orson welles and anthony perkins laughing on the set of the trial] do you think they ever fucked #hot! #who said that

mutual 14: i think i could fix norman bates if we got married and adopted the eraserhead baby together.

mutual 15: [picture of a computer fucking itself]

mutual 16: m sooooo girl drink drunk daveeeeee

mutual 17: eroticism of the machine? uhhh yeah only if the machine is a sexy car #STOP PUTTING THOSE COMPUTER PICTURES ON MY DASH

mutual 18: my warriors in maine are one step closer to slipping cocaine back into stephen kings food so he can be a good writer again

mutual 19: you don't understand. walton goggins isn't just gay in the show. he also walks gay in real life. you have to understand this.

mutual 20: im going to kidnap mike stoklasa and only release him when he makes a post coming out as bisexual

EDIT: ETHAN LET ME POST THIS: mutual 21: do you think lana del rey and joan baez are hooking up. why is lana with her everywhere and introducing her documentary and doing all these things. we KNOW joan is bisexual. do you think

[official-wales]

Hi! Ive started learning Welsh a month ago (cant really say anything besides some words) and if its not a problem, can anyone really reccomend me some Welsh media, especially music! Diolch! Greetings from Poland!

Ps. What i really apraciate in Welsh so far is lack of (idk if true yet just from what ive seen so far) articles! Since my mother tongue doesnt have those its so much more natural for me.

Thanks for reading this!

greetings from wales! the lack of indefinite articles is definitely one of the perks of welsh. luckily the only articles you need to learn are the ones for 'the': y (before a word beginning in a consenant), yr (before a word beginning with a vowel and h) and 'r (after a word ending in a vowel)

so like:

the cat - y gath 🐱

the apple - yr afal 🍎

here is the skull - dyma'r benglog 👉💀

anyway, enough of grammar. WELSH MEDIA!

S4C - the Welsh language channel, with a section just for learners

Movies set in Wales:

Pride - About the gay activism that defined part of the 1984 miners' strikes.

Twin Town - My old science teacher was in it. That's all you need to know.

The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill, but Came Down a Mountain - Garth Hill, my beloved <3. Oh, also Hugh Grant is in it, but this isn't about him.

TV Shows to just jump in, cause why not:

Dal Y Mellt - The first Welsh language show on Netflix. Might only be available on UK Netflix, but you might be able to find it somewhere else too.

Y Gwyll (Hinterland) - Noir, police detective drama set in Aberystwyth. Available on iPlayer, Prime, S4C and ITVX. Y Gwyll is the Welsh language one, and after its success, they filmed Hinterland in English.

Iaith ar Daith - Celebrities and their Welsh-speaking mentors travel around Wales learning the language and just generally having fun. I used to binge watch this.

Welsh Music:

Spotify link to a playlist of Welsh songs

My favourite Welsh artists, because there are too many really good, famous Welsh artists to mention in one list:

Catatonia - 90s indie rock band from Cardiff. I will never shut up about International Velvet. Mainly English, but some Welsh.

Candelas - rock band from Llanuwchllyn. Mainly Welsh, but some English.

Adwaith - women <3

Nia Wyn - beautiful storytelling, vocals and guitar.

Calfari - they may only have one and a half albums, but Gwenllian is a banger, okay

Hope this helps! Dysgu hapus! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

[gatorbites-imagines]

Can you write jason todd with ftm reader where he defends him from transphobia in public? I need my big beefy boyfriend to beat up transphobes for me pls. Thanks and happy pride ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Jason Todd x FTM reader

Headcanons

idc what anyone says, gotham knights Jason is beautiful to me

Hallo zusammen. Happy pride. My teacher decided last second to change everything about my next exam, so ive been stressing. So to make myself feel better, here’s some Jason going to pride with his BF.

As much as Gotham is a shithole filled to the gills with crime, its got a large demographic of LGBT. Even the heroes and villains are somewhere on that spectrum, which also means none of them target the local pride parades.

But like any pride parade, there are bigots at the sidelines. Now, Gothamites don’t do stupid well, so most are sent packing before they can even start up with their usual theatrics. Are you gonna yell homophobic slurs at poison ivy? Or when Killer Croc is walking by wearing rainbow streamers?

That doesn’t mean there aren’t stupid that sticks around. They are rarely locals, since even the most hateful locals know not to be dumb enough to cause a ruckus the one place the villains and vigilantes get along and have the same goal.

Not every hero was suited up though, seeing as you and Jason were walking side by side along with everyone else. Jason was wearing a less flashy outfit, mainly because he doesn’t do bright colors too much, but your sexuality and gender were more out in the open.

At least obvious enough for some hateful person to spot that you’re trans. And since you look like an easy target, amongst Gothamites at least, they decide to focus on you with their hateful rhetoric.

Insults weren’t anything new slung around Gotham, a city where you would get called a bad nickname more than your actual name. but it was never focused on something like your gender, your sexuality, or your race. It would be something like the fact that you wore ugly shoes, or that you ate weird.

which was why it catching the attention of more than just your boyfriend when the transphobic slurs get thrown at you. Apparently, you freezing up at the slurs seem like a win to these people, as they start yelling and jeering at you even more.

 Surprisingly it isn’t Jason that throws the first punch. Its some random chick wearing a lesbian flag over her shoulders and purple ladder laced boots. Her punch seems to unleash what everyone had been holding in, not wanting to give these bigots any attention.

Jason gets his own punches in of course, specifically targeting the people that had been yelling slurs at you. And as much as you hate this city sometimes, seeing people from all across the board come together to beat up bigots seems like its as unified as Gotham is ever gonna get.

Some other people wearing pride flags or colors come to check up on you, but you are honestly too busy watching Jason throw a guy with an offensive sign across the pavement.

The other people nod approvingly at your boyfriend. Fun to think Jason, the most Gotham guy you know, gets the approval from the Gotham gays.

When Jason comes back, he’s still jittery, his blood clearly rushing from the confrontation, but a couple of kisses and thank you gets him to settle down for the most part. He ends up more colorful than he would like, being given flower crowns and different lanyards and sashes. But hearing you laugh is enough to make him put up with it.

And if you’re wondering where the heroes were? Well, they just happen to have been busy with something else, even if Red Robin had been sitting on the ledge of a building, wearing his own pride flag the entire time.

You and Jason can both tell he won’t hear the end of this when you guys get home later. At the end of the day, the hateful speech doesn’t weigh too much on you, knowing that not just Jason, but Gotham as a whole, would chew up and spit anyone out who tried it.

[ar1mas]

- a rant

no because ive watched this stupid show 5 years ago, and i only noticed this now?? how???

ok. some context first. this is about fox' gotham, a prequel series to batman. or at least a potential one with slight changes. one of those changes is the relationship between oswald cobblepot and edward nygma (spelled with a 'y' for mayhap legal reasons? idfk its silly). whats their relationship like in the show? well...

theyre gay af. idk what to tell you.

okay so oswalds gay as fuck. edwards... ambiguous. totally ambiguous. he had a girlfriend or 2 and a half (kristen kringle, the-woman-who-shall-not-be-named (aka kristen but... blonde? this show is weird), and lee. not comfy counting lee, but technically shes one, hence the 'and a half')! very straight, much hetero (on another side note how tf is oswald the gay one, like i know he wears make-up and shit but eddies all about theatrics and showmanship and flair and hOW IS OSWALD THE GAY ONE NEXT TO HIM?? ok anyway).

so oswald was (is. be real.) canonically in love with ed, ed was.........., and 'penguin in love' is a piece of music composed by david russo for season three in which the whole "im in love with my best friend" thing took place.

that song has been used all over season three, as far as i can tell not once in season four, and once in season five.

.....or so i thought.

because yesterday, while in another obsession phase (of which i get one a few times a year. ive only ever watched the show once, in 2019, when it ended. still dream about nygmobblepot though. i dont dream about media, like ever, but with them, its different), i saw 5x8 to satiate my never satisfied craving of nygmob scenes, obviously skipping the main story bc i dont care about that straight shit. i got to the scene where oswald kills mr. scarface and frees arthur penn from said mr. scarface, after which ed shoots him in the head because thats what one does in such a situation, thought "aw how cute", again, as one does, and then realised.

what was that background music just now? rewinds.... oh. oh haha, its 'penguin in love'. how fun.

WHAT.

WHY IS THAT IN THERE. WHY DID THEY INCLUDE IT.

correction. it wouldve made sense to have it here. they used it in 5x5 for the speech about not backstabbing each other (wedding vows for murderers fr fr), so using it again after their relationship has solidified wouldve made sense.

note how im saying 'would have'.

because it would have made sense, if they used it when ed said "i accept you for the person that you are, just as you accept me for the cold logician that i am. thats why this friendship is great." they didnt, though. they used another equally heartfelt song for that. dunno what its called, it sounds a bit like 'penguin in love' but isnt, not sure if that one has a specific meaning like 'penguin in love' does.

so when was the song used? at 36:08 – 36:17. barely ten seconds, right before eds lines, right before ed kills penn.

...right when penn was sitting in oswalds lap because theyd been fighting for the gun and os fell on the ground.

now. the most obvious answer to "why in the fucking hell" would be because ooh this dudes on his lap so sexy, but no. no. 'penguin in love' is about one specific thing: love. the pure kind. the kind that makes you giddy with butterflies in your stomach, kicking your legs, while youre on your bed, writing in your diary about this guy you have a crush on. and oswald and penn do have history, oswald was more or less fond of penn, but not in love (i mean where would he have found the room in his heart if it was already filled with EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD martin my sweet boy EDWARD EDWARD EDWA-). im also definitely not thinking that penn was so happy about being free from mr. scarfaces influence and not having to kill oswald (oh yeah, the horror. who would wanna kill oswald, the guy with the big ego, who never does anything for anyone without some kind of endgoal- well, unless your name is edward of course) that he instantly fell in love with the guy. i can deal with the homicidal kind of crazy, but that? no. thats where i draw the line.

the next most obvious answer is that it was about oswalds love for ed. more believable, since its what the song was made for, but more believable doesnt mean believable. or likely. because even if i 100% believe that hes been loving this dude for so long its not something he has to think about anymore for it to be true, im pretty sure that itd be very random to suddenly focus on that when oswald was just about to die. so no, even if its what the song is intrinsically about.

so next most obvious answer is- wait. thats it. huh? theres no obvious answer anymore? everything else is brainrot? oh. oh well. its been five years, im sure its too late to worry about it now. what the hell.

im sure you know where im going with this. or maybe not. honestly idk what the fuck im talking about-

youre smart. you know what im about to say. if it wasnt about what oswald was feeling because he was otherwise preoccupied, and it wasnt about penn because that makes no fucking sense, then who was this song used for? who else was in the room?

...oh.

YOU.

YOU FUCKING IMBECILE. YOU STUPID DENSE PIECE OF-

inhale, exhale. no. don’ get mad, you know he cant help it. you know hes totally helpless when it comes to emotions. just breathe. ok.

i hate him. i hate him so much.

if the song wasnt for oswalds sake, it was for his. because i know hes in love with oswald, but does ed? does the producers??

'penguin in love' is about oswalds love. its about his love for edward. its about their love, their relationship. its about edward just as much as it is about oswald.

a-fucking-PPARANTLY, I DIDNT KNOW THAT!! I JUST THOUGHT OH YEAH OZZY BE THE GAY ONE HAHA FUNNY, I DIDNT KNOW IT COULD BE ABOUT ED DIRECTLY!!!

(why am i like this? what is my life? i will never be normal.)

ed has always been the obsessive one. first kristen (and the woman who shall not be named is just an extention of that ofc), then oswald, then lee. and as weve seen with kristen, when hes obsessed with someone, he can become possessive. absolutely not on the scale oswald is on, but still. theres a wee bit of jelly there. oh you have a boyfriend? better get rid of him! oh you wanna run away from me bc i murdered your boyfriend? better keep you right in place and- oh shit did i kill you? ono D:

this is a huge oversimplification, but you get the point. its there. or at least it has to be there because why else do you get so angy that someone is sitting in the lap of your just friend because they were fighting and they ended up in that position totally accidentally? like thats not normal behaviour, for anyone, unless you have possessive tendencies.

i mean its not like penn was a threat in any way. "he wasnt the threat, the dummy was the-" like i understand ed told penn about the submarine which was supposed to be a secret, but come on, like they couldnt make sure penn wouldnt say anything. so why would ed shoot him? its not even like penn was a random dude where that type of thing would be very inconsequential, oswald knew him. hed worked for oswald, and like i said, oswald was more or less fond of the guy. penns just a poor little meow meow, y u kil him eddie? 🥺

unless this fondness was part of the problem. unless ed saw how happy oswald was to see him, got annoyed but let it slide, then used penn attacking os and knowing about the sub as an excuse to kill him. and why would oswald being happy to see penn be a problem to ed? it wouldnt be. it wouldnt be, unless ed thinks oswald is his.

which makes sense. i know im calling him names and calling him out, but like. oswald told him he loved him like 5 times 2 years prior, i dont blame him for believing that maybe theres something to it (especially since that was the point of 3x14, oswald really being in love with him and surprising himself with it). but i thought ed didnt feel the same way? because hes very hetero? because he had a full-on girlfriend before, twice, technically? because-

"the truth is oswald, you would sacrifice anyone to save your own neck. even me."

"like i said! you will always fail, because youll never change."

hm. i know this is a bit off topic, but i just got a war-flashback and... why did ed sound so hurt when he said that? "youll never change." "you would sacrifice anyone. even me." why does he care? they were friends, best friends, yes, but why does he sound like a heartbroken wife who just found out her husband cheated on her again? why does-

"honestly you deserve this. you are opportunistic, your loyalty is.. shaking, at best, and you will hurt anyone, anyone, to get what you want."

"and yes, i was not a good friend. to you or anyone. its why im alone. but i saw you for what you are and i valued that!"

...why would edward nygma, the man who literally said "i dont love you" to oswald, be jealous of even the idea that maybe penn could have something going on with oswald? and why would he act on it if hes usually so careful to not reveal his feelings (unless its about kristen. the original obsession, the american dream, the just be normal, show them you are normal, and people will accept you)? he wouldnt.

unless oswald just told him that he knows he messed up. that hes sorry for it.

and unless that made him think that maybe theres a chance.

"love is about sacrifice. its about putting someone elses needs and happiness before your own."

"you gave up your revenge for me?"

a chance... for what?

"life begins anew."

"shall we get to work?"

and if theres a chance, hes not about to risk losing it. not this time.

so maybe 'penguin in love' is about more than just oswalds feelings. maybe they were trying to tell us that, yes, we see you traumatised gay kid, were sorry this is all we can give you, but here you go, eds in love with him too, but don’t tell the channel. subtlely. just for barely ten seconds. and maybe it can be enough.

nope, it wont be. im gonna sit here crying about the injustice of not having them kiss on screen in the finale as was originally intended for the rest of my life. seriously though, what is this, nbc's hannibal, where im noticing something new details every single time i watch the show, causing me to spiral? no, i was already spiralling. the spiralling was the reason i rewatched the scene. the scene simply made it worse.

so yeah, im done freaking out about a mediocre show that was cancelled 5 years ago and is honestly not worth anyones time (like, its ok. it might even be better than i remember since its been so long. i doubt it. but its ok).

tl;dr: ive only now realised that a specific gay song plays in a specific episode of a show i watched 5 years ago and the only reason theyd include it in the episode is if the dude that was not canonically in love with the other dude was in fact gay, they just werent allowed to make it canon, so they added the gay song to subtlely tell us about it.

have a wonderful day, hellsite. dont do what i did and go crazy about fictional gay people. i know you will though, that’s why im here too. i hate gay people. these two make me homophobic so bad, i wanna gauge my eyes out and skin myself-

[sockysucks]

HI TUMBLR!!

ive come to create a incredibly lengthy post about the new mascot horror game called Indigo Park

I need to ramble ( haha rambley ) about it as i have just quit twitter for an indefinite time for my own mental health as an autistic cannot last on there at all

anyway, im going to talk about all the reason why indigo park is so good and what i hope from it!! and any criticisms i have for it, i honestly dont have many even though its so early to talk about.

how i found out about indigo park:

UNIQUEGEESE!! naturally, i was watching one of masons past streams on his youtube playing FNF after having rejoined the FNF community after its update and finding out about the mod HIT SINGLE; the mod masons was playing( people know it mostly for the silly billy song ) and he had mentioned about him making a mascot horror game which i shrugged off naturally because i am not a fan of modern mascot horror as most of it seems to be low effort and genuinely unappealing, i knew he had made something that was definitely made with love but i didnt have the will to check it out until a announcement trailer dropped which i then saw snippets of the game and the characters and environment, which i was definitely intrigued so I played the game myself.

My thoughts playing the game:

and found it surpisingly good compared to any other mascot horror game, it was unique, genuinely had awesome character designs and very high quality’s graphics and beautiful models and lighting were stunning, again really surprised having endured the hideousness of other low quality mascot horror games, to then find a game with fucking great models ( unlike banban, 2 billion polygon remote or whatever lmfao ).

I started the game and to be real as a extremely gay furry who loves little silly furry boys i felt like i was gonna explode during every single rambley voice line and animation played and fell so in love with him, now a massive comfort character and ive draw. him like 12 times prior to the games first chapter being released like 2 days ago lol, ive never gotten so attached so quicky in my life which definitely makes rambley and indigo park a really special game.

I really love this game, the pacing is really well done, the horror isnt low quality, the like actual character models for lloyd and molly are really gorgeous, i just think the hair and some of the texturing is over done slightly, but definitely made me shit myself multiple times despite this, all while i was laughing with my new silly raccoon boyfriend 💜💜💜💜

hugeeeeww shoutout to team neutron for the the absolute gorgeous expressive rambley screen animations and the credits theme that left me almost tbe same way portal 2’s credits effected me the first time i ever played and definitely huge huge props to otterboyva for the super adorable voice of rambley.

what do I hope for the future of Indigo Park

I hope for the future of this game that content farms and bootleggers disregard it, but this doesnt give me hope seeing that one rambley plush that a company made before the first chapter even released that was completely unlicensed. I will be avoiding social media in efforts to not see people start shitting on this game if it becomes on the same level and milked by content farms like what happened to the amazing digital circus ( i watched this on the day the pilot released, and was equally devastated as many others to see it being used as low effort bait in shitty kids cartoons on youtube shorts )

in case you didnt see i did a little animation at the top of this!! very rough but yeah

I love tgis game PLEASEEEE i cannot wait to see more high quality content from this really passionate creative team uniquegeese/mason has formed

in case you wanted to play it for yourself, heres a link to the steam page!! the first chapter is free and a kickstarter started a couple days ago has been completed funded so…. CHAPTER 2 IS CONFIRMED!!

[bonbon-acide]

KLANCE MOMENTS THAT STILL LIVES INSIDE MY HEAD AFTER 8YEARS BUT WITH THE EYES OF A 20YO

1. We are a good team

Remember how we were all so moved up by that one scene where they just stare at each other and say something meaningful AFTER A FIGHT (where Lance was severely injured). We were all freaking out but it was totally normal that Keith would be emotional by the fact that one of his teammate was okay, we were just freaking out bc the scene was in purple bc the spaceship was infested by the galra which means everything was totally not trying to say anything else, it was just coherent :,)

2. Lance and Keiths drones scene

We were so thirsty for anything that even just a little fight (which was totally a daily occurance) would be turned into something else. Like yeah they were bumping into each other but people were freaking out by saying they basically accidently kissed like what????

3. The elevator scene

Okay imma be honest this scene is quite suggestive especially when your primarly audience are teenage girls that are into shipping boys. But now that i look at it with my adult eyes i just cant imagine how incomfortable that must been to be back to back topless with someone you can't stand. Like the friction of the skin it itches my brain. Also the shot of Keith's foot? Was it really necessary

4. Keith? My man

Again what were we thinking??? They just bonded over a little something ofc Lance was happy that Keith was being nice with him bc he thinks that he hate him (which he don't). I dont even know what to say but dear god that scene was so important to klance shippers. Anyway we were thirsty god

5.Scene where Lance goes to Keith to talk to him about not feeling like he belongs in the crew after Allura piloted the blue lion

Basically just a normal conversation. They've been through so much together and Keith is their designated leader, so ofc hes going to talk to Keith about his place in the team and ofc Keith is going to reassure him that his place is with them bc he actually cares about him since they need to bond to form Voltron??? But yeah this scene is cute and it still makes me go aaawww

6.Blaytz (original paladin of the blue lion) being implied that he might be queer

Okay Ive only remembered this while rewatching the show but i remember everyone went crazy bc if the original blue paladin was queer (implied during one scene that didnt even last 3sec) that means Lance was queer as well. Like what were we thinking??? Were we out of our minds (yes definitly and im still ashamed) (but shoutout to Blaytz for being the best original paladin nothinh can makes me hates him)

7. The sunset scene

OKAY LISTEN IDC WHAT YOU SAYS IDC ABOUT ANYONE'S OPINION BUT THIS SCENE HAS ME BAWLING

AS A 20YO WATCHING THE SHOW NOW, THIS EXACT SCENE CONVINCED ME OF KEITH'S FEELING FOR LANCE. IDC ABOUT ANY OTHER "SUGGESTED KLANCE" SCENE BEFORE THIS ONE, THIS SCENE IS THE ONLY OFFICIAL KLANCE SCENE AND IDC IF ANYONE SAYS THAT KEITH SAID THAT BC THEYRE JUST FRIENDS.

AS A GAY MAN WHO HAD AN HOMOEROTIC SITUATIONSHIP WITH ANOTHER GUY BEFORE, I CAN TELL YOU THAT YOU ONLY SAY THIS KIND OF STUFD TO THE GUY YOU LIKE BC YOURE TOO AFRAID TO TELL YOUR FEELINGS TO YOUR FRIEND IN FEAR OF REJECTION AND BECAUSE YOUVE JUST LEARNED HES GOING ON A DATE WITH AN AMAZING GIRL AND YOU ONOW THEYLL BE HAPPY TOGETHER WHILE YOU JUST WATCH WONDRRING WHY YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING

(this scene hits too much home than it should be and i think i only speaks with my feelings for this one)

ANYWAY

As a 20yo person with 8years of hindsight I'll say that Keith definitly had feelings for Lance, the sunset scene was placed on a perfect time while this dialogue could have been said anywhere else in the season or even the show, and Ive just recently refinished the entire show and Keith never said something so emotional to someone except Shiro (but he considers him as a brother and he was about to kill him so i understand the whole emotional dialogue).

As for Lance, I doubt he has feelings for Keith canonically but hey that doesn't mean we can't imagine things.

Looking back now, I realize how fucked up some of us were for this ship and we probably bored everyone of the cast with this freaking ship. Honestly Voltron is such a good show with good animation and well written characters and we shouldnt have been so angry that a silly little ship wasnt endgame while they gave us such beautiful content for two years(except the end of s8, sleep with one eye open).

Be fucking grateful you dipshits. We werent queerbaited, we had others queer reprensation throughout the show (alien lesbians my beloved) and Voltron isnt a romance show

But still kind of sad that Klance isnt canon but thats my 12yo talking i guess

[yourstrulyray]

hi do you want to talk abt isaac.

basically i'm writing a cbs ghosts fic with a focus on some original characters but with a lot of nisaac and plenty of the entire cast in general

it'll have a lot of isaac's pov as well, with his thoughts about two people who can be openly queer in the modern era

but. since ive only watched like,, probably less than half of the show. i thought talking to someone else abt it could help me characterise everyone?? i also just want to talk abt it bc it's kind of a fixation right now haha

no pressure though!! hope you have a nice day

AAAAA yes please i would love to talk about my son hehdhd

let me list out some timelines pre-death first :3

isaac's marriage to beatrice: before or during 1773 the american revolutionary war: 1775-1783 nigel's death: 1776 isaac's death: 1777

so since the start of season 1, despite isaac's efforts we could all still see the fact he does not find women attractive (he literally called his wife, beatrice a handsome woman) so we're thinking bad comphet for our guy here.

(this only applies pre-nisaac) there are five male ghosts of the main cast, so when they all collectively agree that one girl is attractive (maybe not pete), isaac naturally plays along with it, but. plays along badly. everyone could tell that he did not find that girl attractive

as during nisaac, he is still obviously hesitant to be open because he had never been in a relationship with another man. a homosexual relationship. but not only is he hesitant, he is scared.

why is he scared? take a guess of what punishment you'd get for being gay in the 1770s (especially 1776).

the death penalty.

and we all know our guy isaac likes to talk about himself, he was so heavily disappointed to see that all he was in history was a footnote, and how he was jealous that his rival, hamilton, got a whole MUSICAL made about him (isaac loves musical theatre so thats twice the angy) so it's reasonable for him to be scared of death.

but hes already dead, why still be scared?

i actually dont know why but it's probably muscle memory for isaac to pretend. maybe he only found out that queerness was legalized/modernized through sam, not even through the recently dead ones. gotta hand it to him though i cant keep up a facade for more than a century XD

anyway, him being hesitant isn't the only problem, it's also the way he handles his relationship with nigel. his only other serious relationship was with a woman he wasn't even romantically interested in, so he has no healthy base to rely his current relationship with. also, his god-forsaken terrible communication skills, bros been pretending so much that even his personal feelings should be hidden 😭🙏 who hurt u man?

honestly his poo communication skills can still be linked back to his marriage with beatrice. maybe he had no problem with her, therefore no feelings were required to be shared, and he didn't have the need to communicate. but with nigel is a whole different situation.

oh yeah speaking of nigel, like isaac he doesn't have a healthy basis for a relationship. in this case, he previously was in a homosexual relationship, but it was only a sexual (?) one (with jenkins, but idk about the sexual part so jenkins fans back me up 🙏🙏).

we do see in the series that isaac is taking baby steps in the relationship, as opposed to nigel who rushes the starting-to-adjust stage, because this isn't his first gay relationship (whos gonna tell him) which then results to isaac having certain feelings about it, which then results to isaac not communicating as to pretend he can manage their relationship.

one thing about isaac's "certain feelings", it's usually about little things not even serious stuff. he had gone on many respites (temporary break up) with nigel because of their political beliefs (TGE WAR FUCKING ENDED GET OVER IT), hobbies, and personal likes. instead of adjusting to each other, they still choose to follow what they want instead of each other's wishes.

so, TLDR; nigel and isaac, despite having been in previous relationships, are doodoo at expressing themselves and adjusting to one another. (boo)

if you'd like the characterization of the other ghosts/sam and jay, my askbox is open at all times!! :3

[mischivana]

Hiiiiiii love your post they're really nice 👍

Would you want to do 44 with Piper x fem reader? Reader thought they weren't capable of love with never getting a crush on a boy but absolute gay panic when meeting Piper

But also internalize homophobia and fear of love as a whole.

I Love You and It Terrifies Me

Piper x Fem!Reader

Pronouns: She/her

Summary: You’ve always felt like you were incapable of love because you were never able to form a crush on any guys at school. But when yu return to camp that year, there’s a girl that makes you question everything.

TW: Gay panic, internalize homophobia, fear of love

Genre: Angst/Fluff

A/N: Im so sorry that this took forever, Ive been really busy with a lot of things recently. There are absolutely some spelling errors in here, and i sincerely apologize for that. also Beckendorf and Selina are alive because I say so >:)

Masterlist

All my life I’ve been told that I would find the perfect boy for me. My mother would always play dolls with me and in every game, the girl would always love the guy. Whenever I would hang out with my friends, our conversations would always divert to what boys we liked in our class. While my friends would giggle and fawn over the boys, I would sit and wonder why I couldn’t understand. And its not like I didn’t try. Every time I tried to convince myself of having a crush, I just couldn’t do it. But maybe I was just incapable of love. Im supposed to love a boy so if I cant, then I must be incapable. And that’s where I left it. For years.

When I got to camp, I thought maybe things would be different. maybe here would be the place where I couldn’t he boy that I loved. But it still never happened. But I was a kid of Hephaestus. Maybe that was why I couldn’t love. My dad had a hard time loving so maybe I did too. Thanks dad. But then I learned about my brother Beckendorf and his girlfriend Selena. So if it wasn’t my genes, then maybe it was just me. Maybe Iw as incapable of love. And maybe I just needed to be okay with that.

That was until Annabeth returned from the Dam with three new kids. Jason, the son of zeus. Leo, a new brother of mine. then Piper, a daughter of Aphrodite. I don't know what happened when I saw her but, something happened. She was so pretty, so beautiful. I sat next to her at the campfire to try and get to know her and she was great. she was funny and confident and pretty, she was really pretty. but she was dating Jason, which honestly I didn't blame her. he was conventionally attractive after all.

I left the campfire that night not noticing how I was blushing. how my heart fluttered and my stomach filled with butterflies/ maybe it was the adrenaline of making a new friend, someone I felt I really connected with. As time passed, me and Piper spent more and more time together. I considered her my best friend and I'm sure she felt the same. the only thing that set me off, I hadn't felt this way about anyone before, not even my closest friends before Piper. What was this feeling?

The truth hit me when the three left for their quest. When I was saying goodbye to Piper I gave her the biggest hug of my life.

"Please be safe Pipes, I don't want you coming home in shambles" I said worried as I continued to feel her around me.

"I'll try, I can't make any promises" she said playfully as she squeezed me back. I watched them leave and couldn't hide the worry on my face. My brother, Beckendorf, came to my side and rested his hand on my shoulder.

"I know that look, she'll be fine" his deep grumbly voice said to me. I looked at him with a puzzled look. "what look?" I asked him curiously.

He smiled back down at me and laughed before turning me and walking me back to the pavilion. "That look of when someone you love dearly is going off and you don't know if they'll be okay, but you just have to trust them. I know that look-" "He's worn it too many times" he was cutoff by his girlfriend Selina. They were the best relationship in camp. I pondered what he meant.

"Of course I care about Piper, she's my best friend" He looked at me like I was clueless. I kinda was cause I had no idea what he was talking about. I couldn't love Piper as more than a friend right? I was supposed to feel that for boys. Selina took me by the shoulders and walked me with her.

"let a love expert explain sweetie. You and my sister have a very special connection. You care about her, more than anything right?" I nodded at her as she sat us down on a bench. "why do you think that is?" "cause she's my closest friend?" she looked at me again and took a breath, mumbling something along the lines of "this is going to be harder than I thought" before clearing her throat and continuing.

"So y'know how me and your brother are dating?" I nodded again. "well, before that I felt a certain way for him and he did for me. I would always look forward to seeing him, I loved talking to him, he was my closest friend. Every time I though of him my heart felt fluttery and my stomach filled with butterflies. thats when I realized I loved him" I sat there and listened to her. It took me a moment and I realized, thats exactly how I felt for piper. Did I love Piper? could I even love another girl?

"But she's a girl...and I'm a girl...is that- is that allowed?" She looked at me shocked and gave me a reassuring smile. "Oh sweetie, it's more than okay. Why would you think not?" she asked me sincerely "my mom always told me that I could only date a boy... girls liked boys and boys liked girls" I said confused. She spoke up again, "well thats weather closed minded thinking isn't it?" I looked at the ground and pondered for a moment. Did I really love Piper?

After awhile I returned back to my cabin to think about it myself, at least thats how I framed it. I was actually really panicking. What did this even mean? What would my mom say? Is this why I never liked any boys from my school? How does Piper feel? Do I even like her or am I just kidding myself? This went on for almost two days.

I was sitting on my bed still pondering it when I heard the door open. It was my brother and Nico, Hades son. I knew Nico had a boyfriend but he was also from the 1920s so maybe thats why it was okay. Nico sat down on my bed and brought me into a conversation about it. Asking me how I felt for Piper and telling me what this all meant. It was all so scary, everything I've ever been taught by my mom about love was being rewritten before my eyes. By the end of it, I realized. I was in love with my best friend, and she was dating a guy.

When they returned I was the first one to run from the crowd and envelop her in a tight hug. She hugged me back and I looked at her. she was tried, exhausted, she had a few scars but she was still her.

"Oh my gods Im so happy you're safe you had no idea how worried I was about you" I said frantically once we stopped hugging "I'm happy you worry about me" she said with a small laugh.

A few days after they had returned, everyone had discussed everything. I eventually found out that Jason and Piper had broken up after they found out their whole relationship as basically built off a lie. I helped her a lot through this. I helped her find out who she was again and assured her that I would be there no matter who she decided to be with.

"Y'know Im really happy to hear that" Piper said to me as she continued to hold my hand on the bench. "Oh? and why's that?" I said with a small laugh. "Because I realized more about my feelings on that quest other than me and Jason being fake" she said kind of cautiously. I looked at her questioningly. I knew I loved her, but there wasn't a way that she loved me back the same way. But she grabbed my hand that was in hers and brought to her lips, giving my knuckled a soft kiss. I looked at her and knew. "Piper, I don't know what love means, it...it honestly kind of terrifies me.." I said looking from her to the ground with a soft blush across my face to match hers. She brought my gaze back to hers and pressed her forehead to mine "Ill be here when you figure it out" she said to m softly. In that moment, everything Id been told didn't matter. I loved her, and there wasn't a question to that.

A/n: Hi I know this isn't that good, honestly I didn't know how to fish it so this is the best your getting. In any case, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it at least a little bit

[bluebirdlester]

notes & thoughts from philm club 10/19/15!

THIS IS SOOO NOSTALGIC TO ME this is the era where i was catching most younows live! i am 95% sure i saw this live at 15 years old! i am 24 now! i have included a vintage phanniecore image from the time period! lets reflect!

dan ripped his jeans at tatinof leeds. so the wad time wasnt the first time

anahita mentioned omg where is she now. with her 20 trillion younow bucks or whatever that stuff was

“you know what i mean” and fluffing his hair in that one specific way is 2015 dan’s “what can i say” while checking an invisible watch

friendiversary. oh babes......

“we’re pal creators” :)

another thing dan used to say: “this guy” while staring into the camera and gesturing at phil. nowadays he just screams

“went to sheffield, that was lols” dan loves to say shit

WHAT DID DAN WHISPER. INFURIATINGLY ALMOST AUDIBLE. LIP READING EXPERTS ?

“ive had the fire on” potential gas leak stream, love you london apartment 1

WHY DID IT TAKE THEM 30 MINUTES TO MENTION THAT APPARENTLY TABINOF HAS JUST COME OUT?

‘as if you guys have coffee tables for our book’ WE DO NOW BITCH, WE'RE OLD! (i dont. actually.)

instantly calling it the bible. well that hasnt changed. the phible

OH MY GOD I HAVE SUCH VIVID MEMORIES OF TAKING AND HAVING PICTURES OF MYSELF WITH THE INSIDE COVER OVER MY FACE LIKE THAT. BUT I JUST SPENT LIKE 20 MINUTES LOOKING AND ABSOLUTELY CANNOT FIND THEM!!!!! lost media.

i did find this though: a relic of the time. 2015 snapchat face swap filter, anyone? [i do want to post this accursed artifact bc its funny but not without having directly next to it: im a grown man now, dont she/her me]

dan describing phils eye color i could never think you were straight my 2015 king

"well done phiw" words i remember deep in my soul

not directly related to anything happening, i just thought about it: i saw a post the other day about how dan and phil spent their 20s being silly for the enjoyment of 12 year old girls on the internet and have been thinking about it ever since. i just wanna hold space for a moment of appreciation for that. idk if it was yalls experience but i got a lot of misogyny based shame of my interests because of the whole societal "anything a teen "girl" likes must be inherently ridiculous and made fun of mercilessly" thing [especially related to dnp watching] but they never had any sort of resentment for that position never did anything but be patient with us and love us and give us nice things to chew on. thank you danphil <3

"get over it. get over it. get over it. get over it. you cynic. get over it. right right right right so what? he enjoys a themed drink from a coffee chain thats everywhere. get over it, get over it." dan relax. why do i remember this specific part so vividly. was this in a vyou1 compilation that i watched over and over like cocomelon

dan on evan peters in AHS: "id be his victim" i see you

47:30 PHIL IMITATING DAN'S HAND GESTURES WHILE HE TALKS ABOUT THE WALKING DEAD I WAS LOOKING FOR THIS CLIP A FEW WEEKS AGO BUT HAD ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE TO GO LOOKING FOR IT!!!!!!!

god this was the era of free and haikyu real ones remember dans body pillow

pop culture of 2015 reviews

"phils got an agenda!" why do i rememeber posting "phil has the gay agenda" after he said that. we were so annoying in the 2015 times

chair quiz all depends on the first question. if im hungry its cheese and i get purple. if not its trees and i get green

phil "sneaking in" a "phil and dan" hes so cute

them snorting at each other "that was a deep sinister pig" they have never changed

(THIS POINT ONLY) TIT PRESHOW PLAYLIST SPOILERS IF ANYONE GIVES A FUCK the way they loved our singing to toxic so much that they make sure to give us a big singalong right before the show on every preshow playlist now.... hot to go <3. i heard a recording of an early show where it was good luck babe and thankfully i think they realized that good luck babe is really hard to sing and made it hot to go ever since then

time to get parasocial dan used all his phone data so he had to use phils hotspot. surely they just have the same phone plan now

WAD foreshadowing my boy is talking about the apocalypse

phil is going to go cook dinner??? an era before deliveroo??

dan talking about uploading on dinof it was a different time

ok those are my thoughts!!! im a newish phannie blog (not really. i had one on my old account in the 2015 era which i dont want to use anymore cause i was 15.) so welcome feel free to hang out etc

[ladybirdvariant]

dude every single time i go to watch a new Disney movie with my younger sister i always go through the funniest fucking thought cycle:

okay new Disney movie

thats a wee bit homoerotic but sure

this is just fucking gay

WHY ARE THEY ADMITTING THEIR UNDYING LOVE FOR EACH OTHER THIS IS NOT A FRIENDSHIP CONVO

the studio execs are genuinely fucking with me rn there's no way they'd make it so explicitly queer coded without fully committing right????

I FEEL LIKE IF THEY FINALLY HAD A QUEER MC ID HAVE HEARD FROM TUMBLR BY NOW

THEY ARE STARING INTO EACH OTHERS EYES HOLY SHIT THIS IS THE CUTEST SHIP IN THE WORLD OML IMMA DO SO MUCH FANART WHEN I GET HOME IVE NEVER FELT SO REPRESENTED BY A MAIN CHARACTER IN A DISNEY FILM BEFORE IM SO GLAD DISNEY FINALLY ALLOWED GAY REPRESENTATION TO BE CANNON IN THEIR MEDIA THUS MAKING AMENDS TO THE YEARS OF SHAMELESSLY QUEER CODED VILAINS-

oh wait nvm it wasn't homosexual behavior it was the power of friendship.... again

[pythoness94]

I have something to get off my chest...

I don't like heart stopper. I will never watch it, I never liked the plot synopsis I read, I never liked the comics, never liked the clips I've seen, I never liked the fanfic, I've never even liked the heartstopper AU's I've seen. I've had so many people be like, (actual conversation I've had.) "oh! You're gay! You should watch heartstopper!" And I'm honestly at this point convinced it's because I'm a dude that they recommend it. Because I have never seen these people recommend it to lesbians, ever. IVE HAVE PEOPLE WHO NEVER WATCHED THE SHOW AND BARELY KNOW WHAT IT IS RECOMMENDED IT TO ME. its the same reason I will never watch Arcane. It's not just because I don't like it, I've watched things I haven't liked before on multiple occasions (like marvel or other superhero media.) No, its because its so heavily shoved down my throat by the people IRL in my life that even just looking at it on Netflix repulsed me. "You like animation, watch Arcane. You like love stories, watch heartstopper!" and it's not JUST the suggestion. It's the fact they can't take the word NO. Like, real conversation I had just a moment ago.

Them: oh, you should watch Arcane!

Me: yeah, I don't think I will. Doesn't seem like something ill like

Them:really? Why?

Me: just don't really like it. I don't like the story. The animation is nice though.

Them: well, me personally I don't watch anything that doesn't have a good story. I don't care about animation but the story has to be good for me to watch it. So you should give it another go.

Me:why?

Them: because the story is good.

Me:I don't think ill like the story.

them: but the story is really good, just try it!

Me: no, the story could be good..it's just not my thing

Them:No, it's your thing!

Me: ???

and this continued for awhile. And I have this conversation with heartstopper too. Its just annoying to see after so long. Especially when I say I don't like these things and people act like I killed their dog or I'm just saying it "to be different." NO KAREN, IM NOT SAYING IT TO BE DIFFERENT. I JUST THINK ARCANE IS BORING AS SIN AND HEARTSTOPPER IS WAY TO SANITIZED, LET ME LIVE.