#why am i so embarrassed

[cukrkandl]

rosekiller microfic

— ace evan (my most beloved) | 821 words | cws: internalized acephobia, allonormativity, forcing yourself to have sex (nothing actually happens), very mild suggestive content

Evan stares at the tiny vial in his hands, the ever-present anxiety in his stomach growing again.

Six months of waiting for it to brew, of making excuses, of letting Barty down. And now Evan can finally be normal.

It takes him hours to find the courage to actually drink it. His brain, as always, works against him, because he doesn't want to have sex. He never had. Never will, he knows that now. That's why he had it brewing in an abandoned classroom for all those months, spending more time just staring at it than being with his actual boyfriend.

He drinks the potion thinking about Barty, how happy he'll be that Evan's finally ready. No matter how patient he's been, Evan knows he's frustrated. And horny.

The liquid makes him feel strange, and for a second, he thinks maybe he brewed it wrong, but then the feeling in his stomach just—disappears. His mind clears, and yeah, let's go find Barty. Let's do this thing.

Feeling like he has no control over his body, Evan walks to their dorm, and finds Barty sprawled in his bed. Immediately, his face brightens up, but he's not given a chance to speak before Evan kisses him.

If Barty's surprised, he recovers in record time, pulling Evan closer until he's straddling him. Evan likes this part; he knows it makes Barty want to have sex even more, but Evan enjoys this feeling. Like he's going to get consumed by it all, and he would let Barty eat him up, no questions asked. It's a different sort of closeness, and Evan craves it more than anything.

As if he could hear his thoughts, Barty breaks the kiss and bites the sensitive skin on his neck. Nothing hot about it at all, though Evan can't really be the judge of that, just something primal.

Eventually, though, it always gets uncomfortable. It stops feeling good. Barty's hands start wandering, his fingers start getting itchy, and Evan's brain makes it feel bad. It's all wrong.

Not anymore.

As Barty plants both of his hands on Evan's ass, he pulls away. Barty wants to have sex, it's easy to tell. Evan doesn't know why he's been waiting for him. He deserves better.

For just a brief second, Evan mourns his own wishes for nothing but a lot of this, for getting lost in the kisses, and then maybe cuddling, and closes his eyes, letting the Felix Felicis do the work for him.

If he has to drink it for the rest of his life to have sex—well. Maybe he'll get used to it.

But instead of giving him an answer to one of the biggest mysteries of the universe and forcing him to finally do it, the potion makes him say, "I don't want to have sex with you." And if that wasn't bad enough: "Like, ever."

Barty freezes. He looks up at Evan, carefully removing his hands from his ass, slow like he's scared Evan will implode. Honestly, he might. He was supposed to take this to his grave.

He wants to take it back, but the potion won't let him. No words come out, nothing happens, and fuck, what is Evan supposed to do now?

He can't even cry.

"Okay," Barty says.

What?

"What?"

"I said okay," Barty repeats. "I don't care."

"But you—you want to," Evan says, whining. Why isn't the potion working?

Except it is, he can feel it inside of him, but how is this luck? Disappointing your boyfriend? Denying him something he has every right to want?

But Barty just shrugs. "Can I still jerk off?"

"Wha—yeah?"

"Can I still touch you? Like what we were just doing."

"Yeah?"

"Can we still cuddle?"

"Yeah," Evan whispers, his secret wish coming back with so much force it nearly knocks him over. "You really don't mind?"

"I don't think so? I mean, I thought I couldn't live without sex, but look at me, we've been together for what, eight months now? And I'm fine. I didn't die. My hand might fall off one day, and then we'll have a problem, but I'm fine."

He looks like he's telling the truth, too, just lying there, his fingers drawing tiny circles on the back of Evan's hand. Calming him down.

Oh. Oh.

"I love you," Evan blurts out, and it's all him, no liquid luck.

Barty smirks. "You'd better."

And then he just resumes the kissing, putting his hands back on Evan's ass, except that's all there is. Evan's still trained to make himself feel bad about it, but it doesn't—it feels fine. It's just touching, nothing more looming over it, and that makes it okay.

He loses himself in the kiss, feeling so incredibly lucky.

Barty bites down on his lip, hard, and Evan lets himself be consumed. The potion inside of him stays silent. He doesn't need any more luck.

[thegoblinwitchqueen]

I’m drawing Astarion and I wanna draw his peepee but I keep getting embarrassed and erasing it

But I’m gonna try again and just—hope for the best

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[heelhozier]

just got FIRED from my job lmao

[clunkyrobogirl2000]

Being horny for mutuals is so fucking embarrassing because I’m grinding on a pillow like a bitch in heat for a girl across the planet whose saying the silliest things ever

[buildabettermeme]

So you know how when you're a new Tumblr user that defected from Reddit because that ship is going dooowwwnn baaybaayy, and you don't really know how everything works yet, and so somehow you end up on your own profile page but you dont realize thats its your own and you scroll like 5 posts and you think to yourself "wow I agree with everything Im seeing this is interesting" and then its like "wait I think Ive read all these before" and then you freeze and look at the top bar and see your own tag and realize "oh god fuck I have just reblogged all these posts another time over" and then you have to go through and make sure you dont have unintended duplicates and burn in shame in hopeful privacy because fuck Im making a gigantic fool of myself on this lovely platform that I did not download nearly quickly enough

[wishchip106]

LET HIM GET UP LET HIM GET UP

[krysmcscience]

BILLDUMP TIME (with transparency, because I can). Don't mind me, I'm just yeeting my goofy art at some way more talented individuals out of nowhere and then hauling ass back to the security of being a weird silent lurker ahaha

@tesscourtes and @beccadrawsstuff, respectively! These two Bills make a little prism of sorts together because of their recent crossovers on Patreon~ :3c Speaking of which, I highly recommend supporting both these artists! They do fantastic work! (TessCourtes and Beccup)

@qoolk on the left, and @monobmp on the right! I am such a sucker for these outfits~ OuO Go and check these two out, their art is phenomenal!!! >u<

@1spooky2me The most difficult Bill of the lot for me to draw, ahaha... Their art is so incredibly consistent and dynamic, I am, a little envious <:,) A little envious, but mostly impressed, so go look at their amazing art, what are you waiting for

And finally, @ckret2, whose writing is sublimely in-character and just a delight to read - they're a great artist, as well! I simply Could Not resist drawing their Bill in this ridiculous incredible and very fashionable pink feather dress, even though he only briefly wears it in their fic, so I also did a little bonus doodle of him in his standard hoodie to make up for it. XD (Also, as far as I'm concerned, Bill and Mabel were both correct in that lime green accessories make the dress Much Better.)

This is just a small selection of the human Bill designs I enjoy. I may draw and post more later on, who knows! Feel free to reblog with some neat Bill designs, either your own or by other folks - if any of the designs particularly call to me, I'll add them to the little list I've got going~ :D (Alternatively, if you really like my stuff and want me to draw something specific, you could...mmm...perhaps, commission me...? OuO)

Also I'm tagging Billford because uhhhh yeah, sorry not sorry, every single one of these Bills is getting shipped with Ford by the artists in some way or another, lmao

[markscherz]

I… do not understand tumblr live. Like, are there actually only about 50 people streaming across the whole platform at any one time? And why are so many of them just… people smoking? Or unoccupied desks? And why is nobody talking about frogs?

[strwberrykisses]

being into the beatles in 2024 is so humbling like what do you mean im the only one in my social realm obsessed with four random men from 60 years ago huh

[doomedclockworkdotmp3]

heeyyy gaaanggg

the pose and the background of the album version (left) are based on oingo boingos only a lad album art. not cause i think he has anything to do with it but just cause ive been wantin to draw that pose for like. weeks and i didnt know who to put there. so why not my latest bug man.

[tomatoart]

the raw guy

[thegoblinwitchqueen]

I JUST WANT TO DRAW ROSAMUND GETTING RAILED BY BLACKWALL AND I CAN’T STOP FEELING LIKE A WHORE

[shalom-iamcominghome]

My jewish community, friends, rabbi, and educators: We are very invested in helping you be jewish. Do you want to help read the haftarah? Here's a chanukiah! You can have it!! Borrow these books! Here's some books! You need more books... Come to pesach! Come to the chanukah party! When are your classes done? We need a minyan for once!

Me and my 50000 IQ: What if I am Secretly Appropriating judaism? What if I am doing a Cultural Appropriation........

[heshemejoshi]

wanted to make a comic but words and structures escape me at the moment so instead i just sketch

plus a dusknoir i think i drew before playing special episode 5 back in january based on a papyrus meme which is honestly really fucking funny in retrospect given there’s a pmd x ut AU going on?? not very active in fandom but i’ve seen multiple crossover fanarts pop up already

[aq2003]

please do yourself a favor and listen to david tennant malvolio reading the fake love letter to him (act 2 scene 5 of twelfth night). im going to actually start sobbing. oh my GOD