#why am i in this car with my mom going somewhere i cant leave. with cardboard boxes full of my debts and a vengeful ghost under the seats

[caffeinatedopossum]

I can't believe I survived the worst days of my life and I still can't help but return to that place everytime I close my eyes. It's not the same exact place, it's just the same place from a new vantage point. But it still leaves me with this sense of longing- not to go back but to finally leave

[goremet-chef]

guhh im so bothered rnn (vent/rant)

so... i? idk. ive been out as trans in my house since 2020. my mom doesnt call me dom (sometimes she does if my sibling encourages her to, but she defaults back to my deadname anyways) and ive learned to accept it. i dont think she ever will and its sad for me, the reality that once i start my transition, ill need to just.. leave a lot of my family behind. they think its some rebellious choice like i hate all of them but im more worried about them hating me

my mom says shes supportive but is actively right wing, shes having an inner battle with her ideologies, i know that. i can tell by how she talks about homeless people vs how she talks about us being queer

so. whatever. thats my mom i guess. but for a long time, i wasnt out to my moms husband. i despise him and ive never intentionally started a conversation with him, let alone come out. ive started to not care about what he thinks. i know what he thinks, he thinks gays should die, said it straight to my gay siblings face. okay, cool. doesnt concern me, moms bf is absolutely fucking nothing to me.

to remedy this sort of like... we didnt wanna DEAL with what he might say if he heard both my siblings calling me dom, cuz both of them do, so whenever theyre around they would just refer to my deadname, but i saw it made them cringe, so now everyone calls me 'that one child'

that one, other one, etc etc

no one even calls me my name anymore

it makes me feel so hopeless. ive EXPRESSED it makes me upset but my younger sibling doesnt care (the one most guilty of it), because they dont understand why it upsets me, i guess thats enough reason to keep going

its so dehumanizing to be reduced to actually nothing. i ALREADY have heaps and heaps and HEAPS of identity issues. sometimes it gets so bad i start having crazy ass delusions, sometimes im not even present and its a different part of my mind in my body

its hard enough as is!!! now my family wont call me anything at all

it makes me feel less bad about leaving, but i dont think ill ever leave at this rate

need to start T, change my name, get a job, all in that order. starting T seems impossible at this rate. i.. dont know what to do. i cant keep LIVING like this, because im not living at all

i never leave my house because im too ashamed in how i look, i cant BEAR the thought of anyone else perceiving me as female, i cant fucking do it!!! im so tired. my house is like a prison for me, genuinely.

and my family dont get it, obviously. they think its my choice, im some kind of hermit who doesnt care about being outside because i have internet. they are so fucking wrong. i miss going out, i miss being around people, i miss existing like everyone else, but i just cant do it man. not like this

so it becomes a waiting game, when am i gonna bring up starting it? how do i even move forward once i do? what if she says no? id have to do it on my own but i cant.. i cant even order things for myself without freezing like shutting up will get me out of there, i cant fucking do it

she doesnt even know!! we were in the car together and she was like yknow theres people who cant even make a doctors appointment. what losers.

IM losers, would she have said that if she knew? does she know and decided to say it anyways? i dont know, but its just.. everything seems so hopeless at this point. i want to just give up, accept im not gonna be who i truly am, but man i cant stand being any more miserable

it makes me wanna cry, the only time i get to feel myself how i think i should be is either if i draw something fictitious, or if i spend hours in the mirror making sure i look masculine, my mustache is convincing, etc. AND FOR WHAT? literally for fucking WHAT, because i dont leave the house anyways!!!!! dolled up like i have somewhere to be, like my appearance will get me what i want, when im stuck at home! i got nothing to prove to them, they think what they think

its fucking dreadful. im so scared of my life passing me by, and here i am wasting away in my bedroom for the last 3 years. no progress, nothing. at first, i was scared about even starting T because theres a higher risk of heart disease, but. i dont fucking care if it KILLS me. i dont care!!! if it kills me i dont fucking care im not living the life i want to live anyways. the risk of death is worth it at this point, i mean that so seriously

idk. im just tired, is all. i wish everyone could perceive me the way i dream they would. only time that happens is online, or when im not with my family at all and instead with my friends. but we only hang out like. once in a blue moon

and yknow what? im not even safe then. i remember we were at my friends house for halloween last year (we always meet up). i had my full leatherface costume one, my face was touched up to make it look like the mask. and still. dressed that way, when my friends mom asked me what my name was, i said dom and she was immediately like. "oh, dominique?" no. my name is fucking DOMINIC.

i didnt say anything besides correcting her, but it was such a blow, man. the only time ill be happy is if im closely monitoring every single thing i do, to make sure i dont appear feminine at all. no matter how i look, now matter how deep my voice is. miserable. why would anyone think that id choose this

[forestryfae]

like i LITERALLY JUST want to be able to get rid of the house. i just wanna get rid of it and not have to keep paying for i ad i wanna move somewhere i will actually like living and im not stuck at home unless someone "graciously" drives me, and get a job so i actually have money and can afford to save up money for thing i genuinely want and havent just taught myself to want because its cheap and its decent so i should like it, and to actually have a nice clean tidy house, and a car so i can buy some FUCKING boxes and plasic bags so i can get rid of all the shit i dont want and maybe even just straight up sell or give away the nicer stuff i dont want. like thats it. but i just straight up dont have that option cus i gotta make food for myself so i dont starve and i need to relax too so i dont literally burn myself out and i need to sleep and i have to shower and pee sometimes too like i JUST want to be able to clean the house non-stop for like a week straight. i just wanna put shit in garage bags and throw them out. noones gonna want fucking 1 year old hairdye or unused makeup or three identical mugs or a fuckton of reuseable straws and i dont think i have the patience to sell a bunch of clothes even tho theyre perfectly fine and barely used. unless people come pick up the shit themselves, in which id be more than willing to just give shit away if they did that so i dont have to deal with the fucking transport or shipping.

i just have SO MUCH SHIT and its mostly garbage or shit i dont want or use anymore. or its fucking gifted shit i dont want anymore because frankly, why is my only option to get any furniture always to either buy thrifted shit or be given secondhand shit from my family. its one thing if i want it but they dont even ask or show it to me first and they dont help me when i want something new and actually useful. they just show up and theyve brought me something and we thought maybe youd need it so well just leave it here and you can get rid of it if you dont want it. I PHYSICALLY CANT GET RID OF IT. I DONT HAVE A CAR. and im not throwing perfectly useable but ugly lamps in the regular trash. take it to a fucking thrift store you morons. get rid of some of your shit instead of giving it to me. if you cant manage to get rid of it without giving it to someone so youll know its safe or whatever the fuck then just. dont get rid of it. keep it yourself. dont give shit to me so i can borrow it indefinitely. like i JUST. want MY OWN PLACE. THAT I CAN FEEL OKAY IN. and not feel like its a pissing contest every fucking time someone comes over cus they GOTTA fill my house with shit, they just HAVE TO do shit without even discussing it with me, i literally cant say no i dont want visitors today without them showing up and throwng a bitchfit when theyre not welcome the one day i said i didnt want to see anyone, they dont take a no i dont want help with that as an answer and do it anyways, i cant even buy my own shit cus they take over and do everythig for me.

no fucking independence or control or boundaries or respect or basic fucking decency and absolutely no empathy or compassion at all.

i have to BEG them to come visit me and they still wont do it, but when i go grocery shopping and need a ride i dont get home until after 9pm and more often than not close to 1 am, and the ONE time i explicitly said i didnt want visitors was the one day mom showed up and threw a bitchfit cus i was upset. i told mom i spent literally hours every day crying and feeling anxious and awful and she just ignored it and forgot to call the doctor the one time she offered to do it for me. i dont even get to be a part of renovating the house cus mom and stepdad took over and wont talk to me and spent all the money and wont even talk to me about the money or tell me whats in the bank accounts unless someone else asks on my behalf. noone is willing to teach me to drive even tho mom nagged me when i was 17. i can literally not talk to anyone about my feelings or shit im worried about, i literally only hear about how its my fault somehow, or i get some useless advice that doesnt help cus it doesnt fucking apply, or i get an empty promise that theyll help and then nothing happens and im selfish for asking and nagging them cus they have their own lives and their lives cant revolve around me. which is so fucking ironic cus i dont even get a phonecall once a month to see how im doing or talk about things and i certainly dont get visitors unless its got to do with the house or that one time mom had a day off and apparently that means she can come visit with no heads up just so she can sit there and bitch about my dad or my brother. she doesnt ask how it was like living with them or how i feel about the situation or anything, its all them and their fucking feelings. its never about me and im made to feel stupid and embarrassed and childish and like a fucking moron any time i have emotions they dont want me to have.

and on top of all this i didnt even get talked to as a kid. i was practically useless and just something they leave unattended until they felt like yelling or screaming at me or wanted me to do chores or some other boring fucking activity that i didnt want to do. asking me how my day was or having a conversation or talking to me about something i liked or just regular conversations about stuff? nah fuck that do your homework and also dinner today is a fucking sandwich cus i wanna be in the garage doing my hobby and fixing cars.

and then i come home after having had a really good time at the inpatient unit im at, and its a mess and theres shit in places its not supposed to be and im up to my fucking neck in laundry and dishes and shes done something i didnt want her to do again, and i cant even complain cus i risk not having her help with the shit i actually need help with that i have no option in asking for, like grocery store rides or someone to feed my cats while im away or help renovating the house. i cant even ask for help to buy some fucking boxes or i risk never getting them.

like i JUST want a fucking car and license and i wanna get rid of this house and i want some godd damn boxes. literally the only things i need in life to be happy rn.

[adiaryofmyownmisery]

#2 - Family Musings

Warning. Don’t read this, it is not fun, it is not pleasant, it is not optimistic. It is for me, it is me reliving my pain in my own words. It is so I can feel better. Or at least attempt to. One of my sisters is in the mental hospital, not one who has hurt me. Inconvenienced me? Yes, A lot. But has not hurt me like the other one. She got in a car accident a year or two ago, the brain damage hasn’t been fun to deal with. High tempers and impatience run rampant in my family, and no one quite knows how to deal with her. But I do, I’ve always been good with kids and animals. And everyone in my family has always acted childish my entire life. I hear my mother on the phone with her, she’s gotten riled up from the demon. My horrible sister, the one that tried to kill me, she started screaming at her over the phone. My sister in the hospital was getting stressed. So I make my way out of my room, asking her if I can talk to her. Its me, I speak softly and calmly. Like you might to a scared child. And I get the important things done, I ask if we can move her car. Somewhere it wont get stolen. I assure her her phone and cds are safe with me. And she agrees, I leave again and she says she feels a lot better after talking to me. I manage to bring the calm. I’ve always had to be the steady one, the rock. It brought me back to when I was little, I was only 5-6 but I was the one who had to wake her up for high school. Even as a small child I was always the one who had to take care of my older siblings. And now? They take credit, they take credit for raising me. For making me into a talented person. They were never around for the hard parts, they all grew up and left. And I was left alone for almost eight years. Yet they still take credit for the parts of me they deem good. Not the bad, not my panic attacks, not my depression that is so bad I cant be an adult, not the fact that I’ve wanted to die. But they take great pride in how smart I am, how fast I pick up skills, how good at art I am. They don’t seem to even remember how I took part in raising them. My three older sisters, my own mother, my nieces and nephews. I’ve been taking care of them since I was ten. They accidentally call me Mom sometimes, yet.. I’m not allowed to give parenting advice. I’ve never worked a day in my life despite a decade of taking care of other peoples kids. Sometimes for days at a time, yes. Lets trust this small child with our newborn and then scream at her when she does it wrong. Lets blame her for injuring the child, despite her still being a child herself. Lets raise her up, and tear her down. Lets tell her she’s not feminine enough, and tell her she’s the son you never wanted. Lets call her a lesbian just because she cuts her hair short. Lets never think about why. Why I started cutting my hair short after almost being murdered in my own bedroom. Why I never talk to anyone in my own family. Why I’ve started leaving the house even less. Why I cry when I’m called a woman. I’m too masculine to be a woman, to feminine to be a man. Even if I told the truth.. You all hate men, you all hate me. I will never escape this closet, maybe if I go deep enough I can escape into Narnia. Or just suffocate. Either sounds nice, maybe its the same thing.

[chocominnie]

One Last Time 02  —  Pjm. (M)

⇢ pairing: Jimin X Reader

⇢ Genre: Idol!Jimin, Exbf!Jimin, model!reader, sad au, fluff, tons of smut, angst

⇢ Synopsis: Your idol ex boyfriend Jimin cheated on you. You two have been broken up for a while now and the media has been keeping track of you and him. You’re trying to get over him, but the things that happen inbetween makes you re-think the entire breakup, and so does Jimin…

⇢ Song : xxxxx

⇢ Previous : 00   01

⇢ Word Count : 

⇢ Warnings: dominant jimin, makeout sessions, this is honestly a sad angsty au, cheating, pregnancy, unprotected and protected sex, a bunch of sex, no really a LOT of sexual themes too, I know I’m forgetting some but sorry in advance!

⇢ Copyright: please do NOT repost, translate, or modify my works in any way, shape or form, on any platform. If found doing so , it is considered as plagiarism and appropriate LEGAL action will be taken

⇢ Authors note: This is my mini series for the summer! Get your tissues, things to take your anger out on, and sit back and watch the drama unfold. Shall we begin?

Your eyes shoot open, chest heaving heavily as you let out a blood curdling scream. Not this again. The same dream over and over again each night. It leaves you sleepless. The time on the clock on your nightstand reads 3:04 am. Just only four hours ago is when you fell asleep. But a full night’s sleep hasn’t happened for a year so why would it matter anyways.

Once you catch your breath you unplug your phone from the charger and read some of the notifications. From your window, the night-time critters sing their songs along with the persistant owl that’s somewhere around the apartment complex. You’d only noticed him, the owl, just a few months ago when your cat started meowing with his hoots. 

A missed call from your uncle. 

Immediately you unlock your phone and dial the number. Bringing your index finger to your mouth you gently nip on it waiting for it to answer, The rings are agonizing to you. If something has happened you only wish and pray it wasn’t as bad as you think. He’s the only parental figure left in your life.

‘‘ Princess! Hello I was just calling to speak to you earlier. But I realized you are five hours ahead of me and you had probably went to sleep.’‘

His soothing voice calms your emotions making you let out a tiny breath of air. Thank god.

‘’Hey Charlie.” You sigh. Looking towards your left, you spot Clara purring quietly next to you. You can’t help but to smile while bringing a hand over to rub her head with your thumb.  She’s so small under the shining moonlight from your window.

Her white coat shines brightly amongst her, making you remember the first night you had brought her home. All she did was sleep, and it worried you because you had no prior expierence caring for anything, let alone a small animal. Clara only drank kitten milk and slept back then. Occasionally being awake enough to nip at your fingers whenever you pet or touched her.

Now she’s a bit bigger and walks around the apartment like she owns the place. Quite the little attitude she has, but its too damn cute for you to scold her whenever she does something wrong. 

“ Yes I did fall asleep from after a gathering at someone’s house.’’ You continue on, bringing your knees to your chest after opening the curtain of your window fully.

The moons brightness illuminates the entire room, but not so bright for you to complain though. ‘’ Oh- was it Jimin’s? Tell him I said hell-’’

You bite your lip hard at his name. He doesn’t know and you wont even dare to let him know. Knowing him, your uncle would have a fit and oppose to come back to Seoul to ‘set the record straight.’ to Jimin. That’s the last thing you want to do, cause trouble.

‘‘ It was his brother’s house warming party.” You say, lowering your tone in your voice. You look at the nightstand for a couple of seconds just before opening the top drawer of the wooden, polished piece. Your hands shakily pull out a picture of you two together.

It was taken at  Marne-la-Vallée, France right infront of Cinderella’s castle. That was the day that you and Jimin had to went to Disneyland in Paris, France. You cant help but to think, with the picture in hand, that it was one of the best nights ever. It was also the same night your virginity was taken.

‘‘ Oh.. I know that tone. Are you two arguing at the moment.”

You shrug, “ I mean you could say that.’’

No you cant.

‘‘ Alright alright I won’t talk more of him. Let’s change the subject.” He chuckles deeply into the phone.

‘‘ How’s Europe? Anything new happening on base?”

‘‘ Same old Same old. It’s been what? 2 years since I’ve left Seoul? The food is different over here. They don’t have kimchi pancakes sadly.”

You can only imagine the frowny face he makes at you whenever he doesn’t approve or like something. It always turns out to be funny.

You giggle into the phone shaking your head slightly, “ Of course. You are in Europe Charlie. Where are you getting food from anyway if you are on base?’’

‘‘ I can go off base to a certain mileage when I am off duty. I just have to report back in time. But you do know that you can always come live on base with me...’ He trails off.

Oh boy. Here he goes. He’s always talking about moving you on base with him. Hell, he’s been talking about it since before he had to go to be based in Europe. By then you were twenty years old and old enough to live by yourself. Growing up in Daegu, Korea since you were six, you felt as if Korea was home to you and you definately weren’t ready to leave yet.

Especially, after losing your parents here. Around eight years old, your aunt and mother were on the way to pick up your father from the airport. With your mom and dad also being military and based in Korea with your dad’s bestfriend, your uncle Charlie, your father had been called to take military leave to go and be based in Korea for the National Guard.

On the way back from the airport, a drunk driver had struck the car knocking them off the road and colliding head first into the railing of the bridge. All bodies were reported dead upon collision, including your aunt. Charlie didn’t take the news well at all, and so did you. Only eight years old and still a bit new to a foreign country. It was devistating for you and Charlie. Charlie did what was right and stepped up to be your legal guardian while taking some time off from the military. Till this day, he treats you like his sacred little daughter and you can’t ask for anyone better than him.

 “You are old enough to live on your own and housing is avail-”

You jump at his voice on the line again, being too spaced out from the tragic memory. Before he can go on any longer you cut him off. ‘‘ Im fine with the apartment you left me. Im paying the bills on time and taking good care of it.”

‘‘ Alright fine. But that option is always available you hear me? I will always be ready for you to come with me.’’

‘‘ Okay Charlie” You groan.

‘‘ Alright.. sweetie it’s getting late on this side and it’s already 3 am on your side. Get some sleep okay? Don’t you have a model shoot thingy or something? You have those a lot.’‘

‘‘ Yes i actually do in a couple of hours. It’s been a while since I’ve did a shoot. Please eat and sleep well. Don’t injure yourself.’‘

‘‘ I promise. You promise to do the same right?’‘ He says, rustling movements are in the background.

‘‘ Yes I promise. Good night sleep tight..’‘ You smile as you wait for him to finish the rest.

He chuckles one last time on the other end, ‘‘I’ll always love you, goodnight‘’

Beep Beep Beep

You in a racy light pink lingerie with white duvets and sheets is the concept of your comeback. It’s supposed to symbolize the “Night After’’. Camera’s click and directors yell and praise you in your subtle yet damaging moves and facial expressions. You want.. no need for this comeback to be successful. Not only did your manager schedule this, but she is making sure that they release this same very day.

Nobody in this company’s industry has ever did this before. But you, you are sort of the special one. The special foreigner as they say. It’s not like you don’t like it but you don’t like that they label you as that. Stylists, employee’s hell even anybody who works there treat you as a princess. It’s not bad, but it’s just weird.

‘‘ One last one. Give me a sexy yet innocent look mama.’‘ Elliot, the director says, smiling wide at you.

You slip a finger into your mouth and do a little pout with your lips.

Elliot busts out into a roar of happiness with his hands clapping furiously. ‘‘That’s it mama yes! That’s just what we needed!’‘

Adjusting his microphone earpiece, he turns around to greet and thank everyone, ‘‘ Alright everybody this concludes our shooting! You all worked so hard today. Make it home safe, eat well.’‘

Finally. You sigh out in relief and close your eyes. It’s been a long day. Almost 6 hours of shooting. Three Videos, and five swap outfits for each session of shooting for the ‘’ Night After’’.  As everyone heads out and starts cleaning up you bow your head slightly and thank them.

A stylist brings you a satin robe to cover yourself in. You thank her and put it on just before getting up from the bed and walking towards wardrobe. Once you are done putting on your clothes, your manager leads you straight out the exit. Outside awaits the car that drives you everywhere. Literally everywhere.

‘‘ Tomorrow somebody has put in a special request for you to appear as the main lead girl in their music video. It’s short notice and I told them I would have to bump some things around and notify you. But they are paying us and you good money to be in it.’‘

Money? Sounds like a plan.

‘‘ It’s fine. Who am I shooting for?’‘ You say, fluffing your hair just a little while inspecting yourself in the rear view mirror.

Your makeup is still intact with no ruins and the contacts they had given you suited you very well. A hazel with a slight bit of teal. Suddenly the car moves off into the busy streets of Seoul. You can’t help but to notice every couple that walks along the sidewalks. They seem so happy, glad to be around each other.

On the floor of the car lies your little mini backpack filled with all of your items and belongings. Picking it up, you begin to dig through it looking for some hand lotion to soothe your semi-dry hands. Once you find it you gently start to squeeze the tube.

‘‘ Kim Namjoon.’‘

You freeze. Namjoon? The same Namjoon from the group? Joonie? It’s been well… a year since you’ve seen him in person. Hell since you’ve seen all of Bangtan Sonyeondan together. Except for lastnight when Hoseok and.. that guy showed up.

You sigh already knowing the answer from the question you are about to ask.

‘‘ From…?’‘ You ask then put the lotion back in your bag. Slowly you rub your hands together to moisturize.

Your manager quickly flips through the daily planner, ‘‘ Bangtan Sonyeodan but this is for one of his mixtape songs.’‘

Thank goodness.

‘‘ That’s fine. What time will the car be arriving tomorrow?’‘

‘‘ 8 am on the dot. You need to be there by 8:30. I’ll be tending to one of my other models tomorrow so you will be alone. I can send som-’‘

‘‘ No no it’s truly okay. I know how to manage things myself. Besides, I learn from you.’‘ You reassure her with one of your winning smiles, laying your head on her shoulder.

‘‘ Aigoo what am I going to do with you?’‘

The day ends very well. The movies you’ve been watching have kept you occupied. But not occupied enough for you to keep crying at all the sad parts in the chick flicks. Breakups, someone had died, someone had even just spilled something onto the floor and that was enough to send you into tears.Only because when the main lead boy rushed to help clean it up, it reminded you of Jimin last-night helping Isabel.

‘’What is going on with myself.’’ You blow your nose into a tissue for what seemed like the thousandth time today. Clara lets out one of her meows beside you then goes back to grooming herself.

You place her onto your lap and begin to run your fingers through her fur over and over again. Such a soothing effect to you as you stare into space sulking in your thoughts.

Why is it that you weren’t enough for him? Why is it that every single little thing reminds you of him? You gave him your all and he gave you his but what happened? Where did you go wrong? Cooked, cleaned, satisfied his needs. You guys had even started to plan out what you wanted out of a family. When you wanted a baby and what you would name it. It was fun. The whole relationship was fun. Right until that scandal.

Ding.. Ding.. Ding.. DI-

You unlock your phone immediately to stop that annoying dinging noise. Not surprisingly it’s a text from Jeon Jungkook.

Kookie : Im coming over I’ll be there in exactly 3 minutes.

Kookie: Don’t think about leaving either.

Kookie: Im bringing someone with me.

Kookie: We need to have a serious talk babycheeks.

You roll your eyes at the nickname he’s given you. No matter how many times you tell him you want him to change it, he declines. There’s no point in asking anymore.

Why would he want to talk anyways and who is the person he’s bringing. Eh.. it might just be Ryan they seem to do everything together as a team.

As soon as you step foot out of your bed the sound the door clicking makes your head shoot up. How in the living hell does he know the password to your house? Rage takes over you. That’s something that you hate. When people invade your personal space. In this case, personal home.

‘‘ Jeon fucking Jungkook!’‘ You scream, abruptly stomping your feet all the way to and out your bedroom door. Suddenly you stop at the sight of the two faces staring back at you.

Jungkook’s expression holds a concerned yet upset face while the other just stands there calm and cool. But you on the other hand are way besides that level.

Your eyes must be filled with rage and the expression on your face is no good. How dare he disrespect you like that? Bringing him into your home, knowing the bad blood between you two. Oh, they both have something coming towards them. You begin to walk to them again making each step make the floor shake.

‘‘ Get out. Both of you. One you invade my personal private home..’‘

You grab both boys by their collars, making sure to grip the one on the right’s harder than usual. ‘‘ Two, you fucking invite him over here.’‘ You drag each of them towards the exit. Which is going good until Jungkook rips your hands away from his shirt and takes you over his shoulder.

You’ve had enough of him and his invasive ways. Pounding on his back with your fists, you make sure to scream into his ear. “ Put me the fuck down Jeon Jungko-”

You hiss at the stinging sensation on your ass. Did he just? Jimin stands there awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. You make sure to make eye contact with him and roll your eyes. Something that always had and will piss him off.

‘‘ Hush. I told you all of us needed to have a deep talk about you.’‘

Jungkook plops your frail body onto one side of the couch in which he sits next to you. He motions for Jimin to come sit across from the both of you but you aren’t having it.

‘‘ Don’t you do it.” You glare at him. Jungkook sighs harshly only to pluck your forehead two times. You whine and rub it with your index and middle finger.

Jungkook shakes his head in disapproval, ‘‘ When are you ever going to learn? Jimin sit down now.”

‘‘ Truthfully.. I feel as though I shouldn’t be here so-”

“ Good. Get out you are unwanted.” You snap back causing him to give you one of his long stares with no facial expression at all.

Jungkook glares at you just before getting up to throw his hands in the air full of disappointment. “ Enough! “

Yelling. Something else you don’t like to hear being done at yourself. You finally sit still and quite avoiding any eye contact with the both of them.

He sits back down and clears his throat. Jungkook gives Jimin a look before continuing on.

‘‘ I gathered us here to talk about you..”

‘‘ Why. Im fine. How many times do I have to say it. Im fine im fine im fine im fucking fine!’‘ You exclaim, getting more mad by the second. When will people accept this?

‘‘ Baby.. ’‘

Your eyes shoot up to him and his soft voice. You didn’t want to but you did because his voice to you is like candy that melts into your mouth.

‘‘ Don’t call me that. You have a girlfriend at-least be loyal to her rather than what you did to me.’‘

‘‘ Fuck is anybody going to just sit here and listen? Can we at-least get to the source of the problem? Huh?’‘ Jungkook leans back into the couch clearly pissed by your attitude.

Jimin’s the first to speak and holds a firm eye contact with you, almost daring you to break away from it.

‘‘ Fine. Im just going to cut straight to it then. Why are you so jealous? You aren’t okay at all. I seen the way you looked at us yesterday. You wanted to break down so bad but you didn’t. It looks like you’ve been dropping weight day by day why aren’t you eating well?’’

You’re taken a-back by his jealous comment. Although you are you just cannot admit it. You are jealous. You do want him back. You cant bear to see him with another girl but you. But the fact that Jimin is concerned makes you really hope. Just hope that there is something left of you still in his heart.

‘‘ Jealous? Jealous tuh.” You scoff, leaning into Jungkook’s arms where you rest his head on your chest. You only do this just to see Jimin’s reaction and by the look on his face he doesn’t enjoy that move one bit.

‘‘ Yes jealous. I mean why else would you put almond extra-

‘‘ Woah. No need to go there. We established that it was a so called accident lastnight.” Jungkook does finger quotes into the air and looks down at you.

You lift your head up and furrow your eyebrows in annoyance, “ So called? So you really believe that I did it on purpose. Wow Jungkook. Escort yourself out.’’

He sighs, wrapping his arms around you securly in hopes of you settling down a  little, “ Honestly it’s not like that. I wasn’t there to see you bake them nor was I watching her eat it. Im just saying that you knew Jimin was coming and obviously his girlfriend was going to come too. It’s a little sketchy is all.”

There’s no fixing what he said. Him adding onto his explanation just made things sound worse than what he’s trying to say. You don’t have time to be ganged up on, nor like it at all. It’s best if they both just leave, to not turn nothing into something.

‘‘ Get out. Now. Before I call and tell Ryan what you said and then she’ll definitely deal with you.’‘ You say, removing yourself from off of him and onto the other side of the couch with your legs crossed.

Mad isn’t even the word to describe yourself right now. You’re just a mixture of all emotions.

Jungkook now looks of sorriness written all over his face. You bite your lip and shake your head while pointing towards the door. He sighs heavily and takes one last look at you while removing himself from the couch. You watch him slip on his coat and shoes.

Jimin gets up from his spot on the couch, ‘‘ I’ll be leav-”

‘‘ Sit down we aren’t done talking.” 

He looks at you with his eyebrows furrowed, sitting back down slowly.

Jungkook keeps his head down as he wraps his blue scarf around his neck. Poor baby, but he shouldn’t of said it. “Please better yourself and talk it out with each-other. Im leaving.”

‘‘ Make it home safely.. Kookie.” You sigh once the door closes behind him. Now you’re here. Face to face with Park Jimin.

The same Jimin who cheated on you. The same Jimin you haven’t seen in a while. You take a few moments to take in his appearance. He seems to have re-gained his muscles that are peaking through his black, longsleeve shirt. His thighs are still thick, just like his luscious lips. Of course he changed his hair color to black. But who knows, he might change it again.

‘‘ You’ve been doing well?’‘ You say, voice low but enough for him to hear. You drop your eyes to your lap instead of keeping intact with his.

‘‘ Yes. But you have not. Im disappointed in you. Why are you doing this to yourself? Don’t do this because of me.”

‘‘ Jimin you don’t know the feeling. You don’t know how it feels to be left wondering why you weren’t good enough for someone. Why they had cheated on you. You don’t understand at all and wont ever.’‘ Your voice cracks on the last sentence and you an feel the lump in your throat become sore.

He bites his lip unsure of what to say next. Those words had hit him good inside. ‘‘ Im sorry. I truly am. But you know the reason why we had to end it. I fucked up bad and the media was making the scandal bigger and messier day by day. It was better to just call it off.’‘

One by one your tears start to drop. You nose begins it’s running trip but you sniffle it back up.

‘‘ You could of denied it. You know you could of made a statement and denied it. But you felt something for her didn’t you? Didn’t you?’‘ You semi-yell, sobs already starting to take it’s way over.

He bites his lip once again and ruffles his fingers through his hair, “ Baby..’’

You wipe your tears with your hands making your face even more puffy from the crying. “ I am jealous. I am I admit it Jimin. But do you know i have been suffering for one year and two months? I can’t sleep at night because im so used to your touch at night. I look at every couple in Seoul and think to myself, Dang they seem so happy. What’s their secret?’’

Jimin sits up, making eye contact with you with tears welling up into his eyes. It hurt’s you more than yourself to see him crying. It always has.

‘‘ Please don’t do that. Don’t do this to yourself. Please get help from someone to try and move on. Please. I don’t like to see or hear you make yourself suffer.’ He begs, getting up from his seat and coming towards you.

Jimin sits next to you, hesitantly opening his arms up to you. Would it be wrong to embrace him? He’s being too sincere, but thats what you want right? You decide to just do it, and lean into him only for him to pull you in closer into his chest.You just lay there crying and sobbing while he runs his fingers through your hair. You shouldn’t be doing this. He has a girlfriend. But it feels so right.

‘‘ What does she have that I don’t? Why couldn’t you love me the same way you love her “  You cry into his chest, soaking his shirt with your tears. 

You’d been waiting for this moment to just let it out. Let everything out.

‘’ Please don’t make this harder than what it is right now. Just try and forget me and move on. Please.” Hypocritcal. How does he expect you to get over him when he’s the one whos holding you so tight right now. Soon enough his sniffles join yours in harmony.

You raise your head up and look him deep into the eyes while you wipe away his tears, “ Don’t cry Jimin. I’m the one supposed to be crying over you. Don’t cry.’’

He takes your hand away from his face and wraps his fist ontop of yours, “Please promise me you will move on okay?’’

You shake your head no, “ I can’t make that promise.”

He doesn’t say anything. He gently cradles you in his arms and lifts you up. You don’t think to where he is going. You just close your eyes and grab onto his shirt firmly not wanting to let go.

Soon enough you feel the cold sheets over your bed. He covers you in the duvet and leans down to your forehead.  A kiss. Your fist is still locked onto his shirt in which he tries to pry it away but you don’t want to let him go. He sighs and raises his arms up as he takes off the shirt revealing an extra plain white wife beater under it. Taking your other hand, he wraps your hand into another fist onto the shirt to where both of your hands are holding onto it.

‘‘ Please better yourself for me baby. Sleep and eat well. “

Is all he says before turning off the lights and walking out your bedroom door.  You can hear him putting on and zipping up his heavy coat but you just don’t make a sound.

The apartment door clicks and beeps letting you know he’s already gone.

[therealvalkyrie]

Painter’s Hands and Guatemalan Coffee: Part 5

very pretty, very beautiful

Pairing/setting: Levi Ackerman x Female!Reader, modern!college!AU

Summary: When you catch your idiot boyfriend cheating, your grumpy roommate is there to pick up the pieces and watch your back as you toe a carefully drawn line in the metaphorical sand.  

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: intoxication, swearing, feelings, nightmare, fluff, mentions of a deadly car accident

AN: WHOAH OKAY. So I’ve been thinking about the last half of this chapter every second of every minute for the last two days. It has haunted my dreams, y’all. Thanks to that, you get this before the weekend! Yay! Special thanks to @ghostlightprincess, @anlian-aishang, @cant-spell-slay-without-lay, and @horseanon--simpforall for helping me edit and giving me many encouragements and compliments which, quite frankly, made my head the size of Jupiter. I love you all dearly. As always, let me know what you think in my comments/DMs/askbox!! Don’t be a stranger!! And be kind to yourself and others<3 ~valkyrie

—

(read chapter 4 here)

“I think you’re very pretty.”

I think you’re very pretty?

Fuck. Shit.

“I-I-I mean,” Levi feels his throat tighten and cheeks set ablaze, “You’re very, uh, very beautiful.” He says it because it’s true, and the truth is what Levi relies on when his brain is short-circuiting. You’re more than pretty, more than something as trivial as very pretty, you’re gorgeous and smart and funny and it makes his palms sweat. Recently, you’ve been everywhere: in his bed, in his arms, in the periphery of his life even outside of the apartment. It’s overwhelming, this is overwhelming, how his hands are on you and how you’re looking up at him with insecure, anticipatory eyes. They’re glassy and red-rimmed, pupils blown to saucers.

Oh. That’s right, she’s high.

Levi lets his hand drop from the top of your head. He tries to move his other hand away from your cheek, but you grasp his wrist to keep it there. He can feel his own pulse fluttering under your fingertips.

“Very beautiful?” It’s soft, hopeful.

He forces himself not to retract the statement (because it’s true) out of self-preservation.

“Very beautiful, kid.” He can say it without stuttering this time. It’s important that you believe him, and it’s equally important that this is as far as it goes.

You close your eyes against the pet name and turn your face into his palm for a split second, press a swift kiss to it and then drop your hand to your lap. His heart stutters. He drops his hand, too.

“Thank you,” the words fall past your lips, careful and distant, as he takes a step back.

He needs some space. To get his head on straight, to scream into a pillow, to talk some sense into himself. Can’t risk this, not with you, not with you.

“Your, um, your pajamas,” he points to the end of the bed where they’re sitting in a neat pile, then turns tail and strides out of your room, shutting the door behind him.

In his room, his jelly legs finally give out and he flops onto his bed.

Fucking hell.

“Do you think I’m pretty?”

What kind of question is that? Do you not think you’re pretty? Do you care if he, specifically, thinks you’re pretty, or was it intended more generally? Very pretty, very beautiful. What does that even mean?

Levi may not be eloquent in the least, may not know how to confess that you make his every breath burn in his chest, but he does know how to paint. He stands up, wiping sweaty palms on his flannel pants and examining the painting on his easel. His mom stares back, her eyes sparkling, her hair tumbling over one shoulder in ebony waves. It had taken him the last few days to get the curls just right, and when he added the last highlights of shine, it’d finally felt complete.

“Sorry, mama,” he murmurs as he lifts her to set her against the wall under the window.

A new canvas procured from his closet finds its place on the easel. He sifts through his supply drawers for a moment, setting paints and brushes and charcoal neatly on his desk.

He takes a deep breath, situates himself in his wheelie chair, and leans forward to start sketching.

—

It’s 5 AM when you start screaming in a long, shuddering cry, causing Levi to jolt up in his seat, paintbrush poised over your left temple. It breaks off into sobs that make his gut twist and hands clench. A long moment, then you’re letting out another keening wail and Levi is out of his seat. Paint splatters from the brush where he drops it on his desk and his chair rolls back as he runs, ripping doors open and narrowly avoiding furniture in the dark.

You’re sprawled out, thrashing on the bed, sheets tangled with your legs. Levi sits on the edge of your bed, brows pinched in worry, and reaches for your shoulders. This is okay — he can touch you when you ask for his help. When you whimper and reach for him in your sleep, he can pull you close and smooth a hand across the planes of your back. It’s when you’re looking at him, all trusting and expectant for something, that he’s unsure.

He says your name, low and urgent, once, twice, before your eyes open mid-sob. They’re wide and terrified, your jaw tight, muscles clenched. “It’s me, kid, it’s just me,” he intones, “It was just a dream, you’re safe, it’s just me.”

Your heaving chest slows for a second, hitches somewhere in your sternum, and then you’re launching yourself forward and into him. He catches you there, steady against his chest.

“Breathe.” He sets an example with his own deep breaths.

It’s a long minute before he feels you relax at all, before he feels you sigh against his neck. Your arms are tight around his middle and you must be stronger than you look because after a while it starts to pinch. He doesn’t mind, though, just traces patterns on your back and stares at the pale wall.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He feels you shake your head.

“Do you want to go back to sleep?”

You hesitate before you whisper, “Only if you stay.”

Levi thinks about the wet paintbrush currently drying to his desk. He thinks about the mess of clothes on your floor. He thinks of the half-finished painting of you in his room. “Okay. I’ll stay.”

You pull back, and he gets a look at your face in the near-dark. Your eyes are still acutely haunted, but they’ve regained awareness. He lets you take a moment to wipe at your cheeks as he reaches to gently disentangle the sheets and spread them more carefully over your legs.

He looks up at you again to catch your sad eyes with his. Your head is tilted quizzically, knowingly, sympathetically all at once as though he were the one who just woke up screaming. It makes him itch.

“What’s that look for?” he grumbles, toeing his slippers off and tucking them under your bed.

“Nothing,” you hum. “Come here, please.”

He blinks at you for a second. That’s my line. But he goes, crawling into bed with you and slipping under the covers. He lets you tug his arm gently so that he’s on your chest. He gets comfortable there, one arm thrown over your waist and head rested over your heart. Your own arms find a home cautiously around him. You exhale with the grounding pressure of his body on yours and let your mind sink into calm release.

—

The knock on your door breaks your attention from your laptop. You sigh, finish typing your sentence, and push your blue light glasses up your nose before standing up to answer it.

You’re not expecting anyone, but maybe Levi is. He’s been holed up in his room all morning, Chopin drifting lazily under his door, probably studying. Like you’ve been trying to. The second series of knocks on your door makes you jog the last few steps to pull it open.

“Hi—” the greeting dies in your throat when you see who’s standing there.

“Hi,” Annie says. She’s standing, nonchalant as ever, in her winter parka and leggings, holding two to-go cups and a pastry bag.

“What?” It’s a breathless question, genuinely confused. It doesn’t harbor the animosity you would expect — you’re not sure you can feel anything other than queasy right now.

“I got your voicemail.” 

You blink in confusion. She rolls her eyes and thrusts the to-go cups at you with a brief “hold these” before reaching into her pocket for her phone. You just stare at her while she taps and scrolls for a minute. She looks the same as before you stopped speaking: blonde hair tucked into a bun at the back of her head and hoodie peeking out of the collar of her jacket. Maybe a little more tired, though Annie always seemed to be tired.

She holds up her phone for you to hear as a voicemail starts playing and, to your further shock, your own tinny voice spills out. It sounds like you’re crying, and slightly muffled.

“Annie, hi, um, I know it’s late but I couldn’t think of anyone else to call, I just,” sniffle, “I know we’re not talking and I’m still mad at you, like REALLY MAD, okay? But I couldn’t think of who else to call and long story short I think I’m in love with Levi and he might’ve just rejected me but I just couldn’t tell—”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” you cut in across your own voice, stepping into the hall with her and toeing the door almost shut behind you. She stops the voicemail. “But why are you here?” You know why she’s here — Annie never backs down from anything, and you had started the conversation, even if you’d been drunk and high and half asleep and you don’t really remember doing it.

“You called, here I am. That’s what best friends do.” Her tone is even.

“Not best friends who fuck their best friends’ boyfriends,” you snap, anger finally bursting from your stomach and into your throat.

She closes her eyes impatiently, sighs, then looks at you again not quite pleadingly.

“Look, if you want me to leave, I’ll leave. But I’m here now and there’s more to the story that you aren’t aware of.”

“What else could there possibly be?”

“Let’s go for a walk and I’ll tell you,” she offers, then holds up the pastry bag. “I brought coffee and donuts. They’re jelly.”

Jelly donuts are your favorite.

You look down at the cups in your hand. You look back at her steady blue gaze. More to the story.

“Fine.” You turn and kick the door open a little too harshly. “Just let me get dressed.”

She follows you in, even though you don’t extend an invitation, and closes the door softly. You put the cups down on the coffee table and watch her sit in her usual spot on the couch to wait for you out of the corner of your eye. You scowl but say nothing.

It only takes you a minute to shuck off to pajamas and pull on jeans, a sweatshirt, and boots. You don’t bother with a bra.

You knock lightly on Levi’s door and call through, “I’m going for a walk, so make sure to lock up if you leave. I have my keys.” You jingle them as evidence and he grunts in acknowledgment. “Let’s go,” you turn and address Annie, who stands.

The walk down your street to the river is short and habitual, your feet carrying you while your mind races. You can feel the anger and hurt, visceral and stabbing, in your chest. But there’s also something tender there, too, something that acknowledges how you missed your best friend. Something that screams at you to tackle her to the ground and feel her stoic comfort. Instead, you shove your hands deeper into the pockets of Eren’s jacket and kick a pebble, sending it skidding down the sidewalk.

The pair of you reach the walking bridge over the river and pause at the railing. The sky is overcast, threatening a snowstorm. A car beeps downtown, reaching you distantly. Annie hands you a coffee and a donut. You lean against the railing and avoid her gaze.

“So. You wanted to talk. Talk.” You bite into the donut.

She sighs through her nose. “I know what you saw. We… we did kiss, but we didn’t do anything else. We never had sex.”

“Hmm.” A sip of coffee.

“I know you have no reason to believe me, but it’s the truth. I’m guessing you didn’t exactly listen to Reiner when you broke up with him?”

“I didn’t have time for his bullshit excuses.”

She breaks off a bit of her donut and stares at it contemplatively for a moment, “I know you don’t owe either of us anything, and this isn’t meant as an excuse, but will you listen to why, at least?”

You press your lips together, sneak a look into her devastatingly blue eyes, and nod. What harm can it do? And you have to admit there’s a large part of you that’s been wondering at the why, even if you’ve refused to hear it.

“Okay. Tell me why.”

She takes a deep breath and leans her elbows on the railing before starting to speak, low and pensive.

“I’ve known Reiner and Bertholdt a long time, since we were kids. We’ve always been this… this odd group. You wouldn’t think we were close if you didn’t know us. But it wasn’t always just us.” She pauses, looking distant. “Do you know Porco Galliard?”

Galliard… “He’s a sophomore on the lacrosse team, right?”

“Yeah. Do you know what happened to his brother?”

“He has a brother?”

“Had. Marcel. He was a year older than us but somehow ended up in our little group. And a couple of years ago, senior year of high school, we were all in a car accident. He was home on winter break and we’d all had a little too much to drink, and we convinced him to take us to Denny’s for midnight milkshakes. And, well, there was a winter storm coming in and it’d been freezing rain that week, and we crashed. Marcel died. It was… I hadn’t…” She pauses, tilting her head back to the sky, blinking away tears. “It was horrible.”

Your eyes have gone wide, cast downriver. You don’t know what you’d expected when you walked down here, but it certainly wasn’t this. It wasn’t Annie, only rivaled in her stoicism by Levi, choking back tears and wiping snot from her nose.

“Hey,” you start, voice gentler than it’s been all day. “You don’t have to—”

“No, no, I want to, just... give me a second,” she interjects, wringing out a hand. She takes a deep, purposeful breath.

“Okay,” you whisper, looking back out across the water.

“It, uh, it hit us all really hard, brought us really close together. That’s why we all ended up at school here, actually. It kinda made us realize that, like, time is limited, you know? We don’t have forever. And Bertl, he…” she smiles, watery and reminiscent. “When he asked me out, it felt like a long time coming. It was just about perfect. He felt safe and like home, and… well, you know how in love we were. But I could see that it alienated Rei, at least a bit. He tried not to show it, but I could tell he felt like a third wheel. He was already drifting away from us, still struggling with all this guilt.”

Your breath catches in your throat. That’s a familiar feeling. Guilt. And yet, you’d never noticed it in Reiner, apparently never got close enough to shine a flashlight into his darkest shadows. He’d always seemed so… sunshiney. You clearly hadn’t given him enough credit to dislodge the aura of jock frat boy he projects so brightly.

Soft dough squishes under your fingertips where you’ve resorted to playing with your food instead of eating it as Annie continues.

“And then he met you and fell in love so fast. I was so relieved, I mean, you and I were roommates and it was just perfect, right?” You look at her and see a flicker of hopefulness still there. “I thought maybe you two getting together would bring him back to us, that maybe we’d be alright after all. And at first, it did. But then you moved off campus for sophomore year and he started drifting away again, though he was at least anchored to you, this time. It scared me, it really did.”

She kicks the bottom of the railing lazily, as if to expend the sadness there rather than in her words. The first fat flakes of snow drift down around you. One dances away on your exhale.

“He’s so withdrawn, sometimes, in his own head, and I never know how to reach him there. I didn’t know if he had told you about Marcel, or anything, so I couldn’t go through you. I don’t… I didn’t know what to do, so I just... let it fester. That night, when we kissed, I hadn’t seen him physically for a month. It hurt.”

She looks at you imploringly, like the weight of everything she’s saying lies on deep hurt. You can relate to feeling as though there’s nothing but hurt and guilt and drifting.

“So I figured out where he was from his Snapchat story, abandoned my group project, and went over there to see him. I didn’t know what I’d say or do when I got there, just that I had to get him back, somehow. He was already plastered, you know how he gets, and he wasn’t listening to me, so I just… kissed him. I don’t know what I was thinking, I didn’t know you were there, I didn’t even know you saw until he called me the next day after you broke up with him to chew me out.

“So, long story short,” her voice breaks on a mournful, almost hysterical laugh, “I fucked up the three most important relationships to me in one night because I couldn’t use my words.” She wipes at wet cheeks, not looking at you. “So, um. Yeah, that’s the why, I guess. I don’t expect you to forgive me, or him, but I just… I needed you to know. It wasn’t like, this elaborate affair.”

You aren’t sure how to right your brain from the way it’s tilted off kilter. It’s so much, so different from what you’d built up in your head. There’s no conspiracy, no grand intention to break you.

Even with all this new information, what stupidly slips out first is, “Did he kiss you back?” You blanch, turn to her with wide eyes, “Sorry, that’s not exactly im—”

“No, it’s fine,” she meets your eyes. “He did kiss me back.”

“Oh. Okay, um…” you trail off, bite your lip. You don’t know what exactly to say. Your skin is tight with the urge to forgive her immediately and wholly, but logic holds you back. Now that you know the truth, you need time to heal and get some perspective. You straighten up from where you’d been slouching against the railing. “Okay. You’ve been honest, so I will be, too.”

She stands up fully as well, facing you with one hand on the railing.

“I don’t know how I feel right now,” you start. “I think I need some time and perspective. But, I… I can see now where I went wrong, too. I assumed the worst, didn’t let any communication happen.” You swallow down the lump in your throat threatening to choke your voice. “And, I wasn’t there for Rei like I should have been. I had no idea — no idea! — what he was going through.”

“Well, he didn’t exactly tell you—”

“And why is that?” Your voice breaks, squeaks with the question. “Did he feel like he couldn’t confide in me? Did I make it too much about me and my trauma? I wasn’t exactly shy about telling him my shit.” You take a long draw of coffee. “Anyway. I should probably talk to him, shouldn’t I?”

She nods. “He’d like that.”

You’re both quiet for a moment, watching the sparse snow flurry around you. Annie finally starts eating her donut.

“I’ve missed you,” you confess into the storm. “A lot.”

“I missed you, too.”

Your chest aches with both the cold air and the conflicting feelings of relief and regret.

“Why, uh… why didn’t you tell me all that stuff about Marcel?”

She leans on the railing again, takes a sip of coffee before answering. “I was still working through it. Still am, rather. I didn’t know how to bring it up, or that it was relevant.”

You hum, nodding. “I get that.”

There’s another silence, but it feels lighter, less charged. There are still questions bouncing around your mind, but you decide it’s better to process through them on your own rather than blurting out something stupid. Perspective.

“So,” she shoots you a look under blonde eyelashes, “what’s this about you being in love with Levi?”

“Aw, shit,” you laugh, leaning your elbows back on the railing and giving her an imploring look. “It really snuck up on me.”

“Is that so? Can’t say I’m shocked.” Her tone is dry, a little amused around the last bite of jelly donut. She wipes her fingers on her leggings and faces you. “And you think he rejected you.”

“Well, I…” you cringe, thinking back to last night. “He called me very beautiful.”

“Doesn’t sound like a rejection.”

“It was the way he said it! Like it physically hurt him to admit, and then he just ran out of the room,” you whine, scrubbing a hand down your face.

“I think that’s just his emotional constipation.” 

You look at her sharply, mouth agape, to catch her eyes dancing and the corner of her lip curling upward slightly. “Annie!”

“What? I’m right.” She finishes off her coffee, tilting back the cup to catch the last dregs of it. “He likes you, or he’s an idiot if he doesn’t.”

You narrow your eyes in doubt, mirroring her half-smile. “Hmm. We’ll see.”

“Yes,” she promises, crumpling up the pastry bag in her fist and stuffing it in her pocket. “We will.”

—

(read part 6 here)

[davidlikesguys02]

We Interrupt This Program

M/n= Male Name 

Bold- Means its on a tv screen. 

GIF Not mine

Word count: 2,932

“No, I can't leave Monica.” “mom? It's ok, I can stay with grandma and…” “I can't leave” “maybe I'll build a spaceship. I wanna be an aircraft pilot.” “when they were handing out kids they gave her the toughest one. Lieutenant trouble.” Monica wakes up breathing heavily and hearing crashing and people screaming as she makes her way towards the door and walks out. “Excuse me….” “they're all coming back. We don't have the capacity” the doctor tells her

“Excuse me. I'm looking for a patient. In room 104…” she asks a nurse “who, my wife? Do you have a phone?” “no” “i have to call my wife.” she makes her way towards the front desk “watch out” she bumps into a man, they both fall backwards grunting “let me help you. Are you ok? You ok?” “I got him. I got him.” “Are you ok?” she asks as she gets up groaning. She turns to the lady in the front desk.

“Excuse me. I'm looking for a patient in room number 104.” “I don't know what to tell you” she starts looking around her “Monica?” “oh, Dr. Highland, thank god!” “I can't believe it, where did you go?” “well, in her room since she came back from the surgery. I mean, I might have fallen asleep, but no longer than 20 minutes. Dr. Highland, where's my mom?” “your mom, she died honey” “what? No, no, no, no you're mistaken. My mother...the procedure went well. You said so yourself. Clean margins. You’re discharging her today”

“The cancer came back.” “Okay, stop, stop. No youre...my mom is Maria Rambeau. Look it up. I mean look it up. Maria Rambeau.” “Monica, I don't understand what's happening, but you need to listen to me Marian died three years ago.” “three? No. no. no…” “which was two years after you…” “after i what? After what?” “after you disappeared.”

Monica is walking towards big metal doors. She takes out her keycards but it beeps so she tries again but it beeped again “Ma’am? Over here please” she walked over to him smiling “hi, good morning. I work here. And…” “if you did, your badge would work, wouldn't it?” “right um… I have a meeting with…” “hey. You know who this is?” “..this guy” “Captain Monica Rambeau.” “Director Tyler Hayward”

“Acting Director. You haven't aged a day” “and you look old as hell” Tyler chuckles “come on, let's catch you up. It's been three weeks and you're the first to report. Cant say I'm surprised captain.” “How are the numbers for the astronaut training program?” “ Dismal. Lost half my personnel in The Blip and half of those remaining have lost their nerve. The program hasn't been the same since you've been up there, Rambeau. We shifted away from manned missions and refocused on robotics, nanotech, AI. Sentient Weapons, like it says on the door.”

“It also says observation and response on that door, not creation” “worlds not the same as you left it. Space is now full of unexpected threats” “always was full of threats. And allies” “Listen, Monica, I just wanna acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation. I know S.W.O.R.D.'s your home. Your mom built this place from the ground up. You grew up here. You should've been here to help name the replacement.” “you were the obvious choice”

“I was the only choice.” “I wasn't gonna say it. Look, Tyler, you know the job you have to do. I'm here to do mine.” ”Let's get you back out there.” he takes out his keycard and opens the door to his office. “The FBI is in a tizzy over missing persons case up in Jersey…” “missing persons?” “I know. But they have requested use of one of our imaging drones, and I need a chaperone.”

“Tyler, drones usually chaperone me.” “i get it” “look, if this is because of...you don't have to worry about me. I'm good.” “There's no easy way to say this, but you're grounded.” Monica chuckles “you're kidding. For how long? Who whose protocol is this?” “Your mother's. She implemented guidelines in the event vanished personnel ever returned. Look, I know it's a raw deal, but there is one positive takeaway.” “what's that?” “she believed you'd come back. You'd be doing me a big favor with this FBI thing, but if you need more time…”

“No. no. I'm good to go” “excellent. Keep me updated, captain.” Monica finally arrived at Westview “James E. Woo, FBI” “Monica Rambeau, S.W.O.R.D. what's the story here, agent woo?” “I've got a witness setup down the road in Westview, and this morning, it looked like he flew the coop?” “Your missing person is in the witness protection program?”

“I have contacted known associates, relatives…” “and let me guess, none of them have seen him either?” “No. None of them have ever heard of him. Something seemed hanky to me, so I took the first flight out of Oakland to interface with local law enforcement, which is when I encountered a new wrinkle.” “what's that?” “Pardon me, Sheriff. Would you mind repeating your claim about Westview to my colleague here?” “no such place” “you're saying the town of Westview, New Jersey, does not exist?”

“It's what I keep telling your G-man here, but he won't listen.” “I see. and , um, I'm sorry, what town are you from?” “Eastview” “Thank you, Sheriff. I'll reach out if we need any further assistance. I, uh, pulled phone numbers for all the residents. I'm only through the D’s, but so far I got Diddly Squat.” “So you can't reach anyone inside and everyone on the outside has some sort of selective amnesia?”

“This isn't a missing person's case, Captain Rambeau, it's a missing town. Population: 3,892.” “Why haven't you gone inside to investigate?” “Cause it doesn't want me to. You can feel it too, can't you? Nobody's supposed to go in.” Monica walks over to her car and pulls out a drone. “What about you?” “Me? Well, I'm from Bakersfield, originally. Growing up, other kids had Michael Jordan posters on their walls, but I had Eliot Ness.”

“No, no, no, no. I mean, why is it that you have an awareness of Westview? Or me, for that matter? Is it because we are outside of a certain radius, or maybe because we don't have a personal connection?” She looks at the screen but the drone malfunctions. She looks up and it's gone “Wait, where'd it go?” “It was right there.” she walk towards the town but stops as she hears electricity bussing “whoa..”

“What is it?” “some sort of energy field” “Careful, Rambeau. Captain Rambeau! Watch it. Rambeau! Captain Rambeau! Captain Rambeau!” she sticks her hand in and it pulls her in and she disappears.

24 Hours Later

“Hey. What's your field?” “We're not supposed to talk to each other.” “hmm? Boy scout leader. Got it. And you” Darcy asked a woman next to the boy scout leader. “Nuclear biology” “artificial intelligence” “astrophysics. We got the full clown car. It means whatever the threat is, S.W.O.R.D. clearly has no idea what they're dealing with.” “I'm a chemical engineer” “no one cares”

“Alright grab your gear.” Darcy walks around the S.W.O.R.D. camp. “Ms. Lewis?” “Dr.Lewis” “we have your gear set up inside.” the man walks Darcy inside a tent “those drones you're sending in, what kind of data are you getting?” “I'm afraid that is highly classified.” “You can't see anything? FBI, Army. I saw the Air Force Office of Special Investigations out there. Research Lab, Space Command, too. A bona fide, joint, multi-service response. Really looking forward to the commemorative T-shirt. Is there somewhere a lady could get a cup of coffee? You guys look like you might get down with those little pod things. Horrendous for the environment…”

“Make your assessment, please” “whoa… I mean, whoa..” “what are you getting?” “a colossal amount of CMBR” “CM…” “Cosmic Microwave Background Radiation.” “we've been told the radiation is within a safe limit” “uh, it is… for now” “wait what do you mean” Darcy shushes the man “there's are longer wavelength superimposed over the noise here” she looks under the desk and struggles to get something “I got it”

“I need a TV. an old one. Like, not flat.” After a few hours it started raining. “Are you good to go?” Hayward asked an agent “yes, sir” “these sewers will take you straight into town. Try to find anything you can on Rambeau” “copy that” “keep me updated” Hayward says as he walks away. “Director Hayward, between you, me, and the bedpost, I am not confident about this mission.” “Thanks for the feedback, Jimmy. If only my drones were as forthcoming.”

“There's no reason to suspect the perimeter doesn't extend subterraneous.” “There's no reason to suspect it does.” Jimmy sighs “We don't know enough about the nature of the threat to send in another agent when the first is yet to return.” “Someone must really miss you back in Quantico.” “No, sir. Softball season's over, sir.” “what do we have up?” Hayward asked agent Rodriguez “Radar, sonar, infrared” “cycle through. Will someone get me a useful visual, dammit?”

Everyone hears a studio audience laughing in the tent “what is that?” “Can I see you in the kitchen for a moment, sweetheart?” “Who is doing that?” “Who are those people?” “What are you wearing?” “Why are they here?” “Well, it's our anniversary!” “our anniversary of what?” “Well, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you!” “is that..” “ yeah, it looks like him.” “you move at the speed of sound and i can make a pen float through the air, who needs to abbreviate?”

“Look , I know it's been a crazy few years on this planet, but he's dead, right? Not blipped, dead.” “excellent plan. Where's the tenderizer” “what am I looking at? You? What is that? Where's this coming from?” “out there” “you didn’t answer the back door. For your upside-down cake. oh hi, I” “is it authentic?” “I'm not sure how to answer that” “is it happening in real time? Is it recorded, fabricated?” “I don't know. I don't know. And I don't know” “what do you know?” Hayward said annoyed “My equipment registered an extremely high level of CMBR. That's…”

“Relic radiation dating back to the Big Bang.” “Yeah, entwined was a broadcast frequency. So I had your goons pick me up a sweet vintage TV. And when I plug this bad boy in, voilà, sound and picture.” “Dinner is served” “So you're saying the universe created a sitcom starring two Avengers?” Jimmy asked, confused “It's a working theory” “Get me a transport back to headquarters now. Are we recording this?”

“Never stopped.” Darcy says “I need immediate analysis. Now, people. Let's go!” “He’s a charmer.” “great work” “hey, thanks, maybe I could get that cup of coffee now? Or not. It's cool.” ”Aw” Darcy turns to the screen to see you and Vision kissing “Aw”

“First and foremost, our main objective is to get any intel on Captain Rambeau, but originally, this case was a missing person, so we're going to start there. We've successfully identified two individuals inside the Westview anomaly. Let's keep going.” Jimmy says as he puts two pictures up of you and Vision. “This guest is leaving your home” “yes, thank you for coming” “Mr. and Mrs. Hart. played by Todd and Sharon Davis.”

“Computational forms. And no one can process the data quite like you do, pal.” “Agent Woo” “you're like a walking computer.” “Abilash Tandon is Norm” “Harold Proctor is Jones” “we got Isabel Matsueida cast as Beverly” “John Collins as Herb.” Darcy gasps, dropping her Noodle cup and calls Jimmy over “Really?” “Does she seem okay to you?” “Well, she doesn't appear to be harmed in any way, but that is definitely not the boss lady I met yesterday.”

“So what, deep cover? Monica has to play along?” “With whom? Or else, what? All right. Brass tacks, Dr. Lewis. What are we looking at here? Is it an alternate reality? Time travel? Some cockamamie social experiment?” “It's a sitcom. A 1950s sitcom.” “But why?”

“Hey, man, we're working with the same scarcity of intel. But, listen, I do have an idea. So, you've seen that radio in M/n’s kitchen counter, right? The next time he's washing dishes, which, by my count, happens about once an episode, barf, we'll shoot a signal to that little guy. This transmitter will mimic the frequency of the broadcast, and if my theory is right, allow us to speak directly to her. This is totally gonna work. Don't touch that.”

“Agent Woo.” agent Rodrigues hands Jimmy a folder inside the folder there's a colored image of a retro S.W.O.R.D. drone “Is this from the current episode?” “aired about two minutes ago.” “What is it?” Darcy asks “what does it look like to you?” “like a retro version of a S.W.OR.D. drone?” “bingo” “but how did it change and why” “uh, to go with the production design” “or render it useless”

“why‘d you colorize it?” “I didn't” Darcy heads back to the tent. “Let's get this show on the road. Jimmy, you ready?” Darcy asks through an earpiece. “Ready” “bigger and better every season” “uh, Jimmy, Monica is talking to M/n. she's got a speaking part now.” “what is she saying?” “those jeans are peachy keen” “she likes M/n’s jeans” “we only have a few hours” “M/n’s at some sort of swim club. We've never been here before.”

“Is it the 60’s still?” “uh, uh, M/n’s with another character.” “real person?” “ohh, uh, radio on the side table. start talking.” “M/n. M/n, can you read me over?” “I don't...” “Can he hear me?” “I don't think so, keep trying.” “M/n?” “M/n?” “M/n. Who is doing this to you, M/n? M/n? Can you hear me? I'm here to help” “please give us a…” “pop quiz M/n how does a housewife or in this case househusband get a bloodstain out of white linen?”

“Wait” “what?” “I don't know” “by doing it yourself” “that's weird” “what was?” “Nothing, it's over. Mission failure” “it was worth a try. Good effort, doctor.” “yeah come in”

Both Jimmy and Darcy are watching you and Vision on TV “darling, do you think it's time to..” “call the doctor?” “yeah” “yes, I do dear” “1950s, 1960s, and now the '70s. Why does it keep switching time periods? It can't be purely for my enjoyment, can it?” “I cant believe M/n and Vision are having a baby” “you want any?” Jimmy chuckles

“Heck, I thought about it for sure. A little Jimmy Woo. Get him a tiny little FBI badge. Oh, you... Chip? Sure.” “you're doing great. You're doing great. Look at me. Look at me.” “The jig is up” you scream. After a few minutes you hear the baby cry “hi, oh, he's perfect” “what a twist.” Darcy says as she's tearing up “What? I'm invested” “he was killed by Ultron, wasn't he?” “Did she just say the name Ultron? Has that ever happened before? A reference to our reality.”

“No never” “hey I'll take a shift rocking the babies” “no I think you should leave” “oh, M/n, don't be like that” “who are you?” “M/n” “wow this is different” The Tv cuts and Monica is gone “what happened? Where she go?” “god not again” Darcy replays the footage back “who are you?” “M/n” “there's nothing here. One second, Monica is standing right there, and the next she isn’t. Someone is censoring the broadcast.”

“But where's Rambeau?” they suddenly both hear the alarm “Alert! Boundary has been breached! Alert! Boundary has been breached!”

Inside Westview

“Who are you?” “I don't..” you walk closer to her “who are you?” “M/n i'm just your neighbor.” “Then how did you know about Ultron?” you start to see the familiar red glow around your hands “You're not my neighbor. And you're definitely not my friend. You are a stranger and an outsider. And right now, you are trespassing here. And I want you to leave.”

Your familiar red glow wraps around Monica Sending her back through every wall and fence. You gulp “I… I…” you raise your hands and start to fix the hole on the wall as if it never happened. You walk over to your babies hearing them “M/n?” Vision comes in through the door turning back to his synthezoid form “where is Geraldine?” “oh she left honey. She had to rush home”

You turn around to look at Vision and you gasp making you look down “what? What is it? What's wrong?” Vision asks you concerned “Uh..” you slowly look up at him and see that he looks normal again “we don't have to stay here. We could go wherever we want” Vision tells you “no, we can't. This is our home” you move your hand to crease his cheek and he holds onto your hand “are you use”

“oh, don't worry darling. I have everything under control.” you walk over and grab Tommy “oh hi” you turn to Vision smiling “what should we watch tonight?” you walk over to the sofa, Vision sits next to you. He puts an arm around you.

Outside of Westview

“Monica, are you okay?” “it's M/n. its all M/n”

[honeydew-mel0n]

Comfort.

The reader gets attacked outside of their workplace. Fearing that the person who did will follow her home, she goes to the only place where she knows she'll be safe. Dantes trailer.

Reboot! Dante x reader

Capitalism sucks.

Especially when you have to work a 10 hour shift at a very popular store, full of cheaply made over priced lingerie and ugly fast fashion. Because of the continence of the store you work in, the customers arent that hard to deal with. Teen girls and middle aged moms, and of course the occasional Karen. All shit you can deal with.

However, on days like this, you get the creeps. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to buy something or leave." You say, trying to stay calm. He'd been at the register talking to you for the past 20 minutes, and had taken to ogling your tits. "Actually I don't, if I'm such a problem. Give me your number, and I'll leave." He flashes you a- I'd say toothy smile , but there were so many rotten and missing that it would probably be cruel.

"I uh, I can't." You look around for any of your coworkers, now all somewhere out of sight. "I'm not allowed to when I'm clocked in." That was a total lie, but he wouldnt take a normal. 'Fuck off old man.' Just as irritation begins to show on his face you spot a head of blond hair headed to the register. Relief sweaps through your body.

He walks behind the other cash register, then spots the man. Standing at checkout, with nothing to check out. Your eyes lock and he sees the fear immediately. "Is there something I can help you with, sir?" The man chortles. "Yes, actually, I'd like to speak with a manager about your awful employee."

Instant joy spreads through your body. Your boss lifts the little card around his neck, showing off the big red letters spelling 'Manager.' "You are, so do you want to tell me why you've been standing here for almost 30 minutes and bothering one of my girls?"

___

You slide on your jacket, laughing along with your coworkers. All deciding to poke fun at the bastard who wouldnt leave you alone. "Thanks again Kyle, but I gotta go. See you tomorrow!" You wave at your boss before heading out of the store and into the the main walkways of the mall. You wave at the janitor before pushing out into the parking lot.

The lot was almost barren, only the employee cars. Dispite this, the large lot made it hard to find anything. You'd be struggling to find your own car if it weren't for the 'I ❤ hot moms' bumper sticker. You squat and look under the car, hoping there isnt anyone going to cut your Achilles tendon. Then you look through the back window.

Big mistake.

A hand comes to the back of your head, slamming your head against the glass. He grabs onto your shirt, pulling you down onto the ground. You scream and try to fight him, eyes hazy from the impact. You kick at his legs, but for a geezer he can sure take a hit. You hear people run over and panic more.

'Shit, am I gonna be trafficked!?'

You're lifted off the ground and someone pulls the man away. "Are you okay? Crap, you're bleeding." It wasnt someone you knew, but it was probably someone who worked in another store. You take a deep breath and lean on your car. The man running off. "Mother fucker..." you mumble.

_________

A cigarette sits burning in an ash tray, because currently the only thing on his lips was a bottle of cheap beer. Tuesday nights suck, clubs are dead and the dancers are just trying to get their jobs done. So he was alone. Dante eyes the cigarette, before getting distracted by the knock on the trailer door.

He sets the beer bottle down, rolling his eyes. Wonder which fucker it is this time? "Look man, I havent done anything tonight. Can ya just get of my-" he opens the door and is greeted by a familiar face. You look down, bleary eyed and sigh. "I'm sorry, I just didnt know if he followed me and I didnt want to go home if he was. I didnt want to... die."

"What. Happened."

You told him everything, sitting on that smoke scented couch as he cleans the blood from your face and neck. You told him you could do it but he didnt listen, guess its paying back his dues. Seeing as how you'd spent your teen years doing the same thing for him.

Eventually he'd found himself pacing around the trailer. Irritated and running his hands through his deep brown hair.

"What did he look like?" He says, looking around for Ebony and Ivory. You've had to bail him out of jail before, you dont want to have to do that for murder. "Dante, no. There's a thousand old men who look exactly like him in Limbo alone!" "Then I'll take out all of them!"

You flinch at his raised voice, all of his irritation faids away. He quickly takes his seat on the couch. "Shit, I'm sorry." He goes to pull you into a hug, and you practically throw yourself at him. Burying your face into his chest, you begin to shake as you hold in tears. You don't want to cry. You cant cry.

His hand comes to the back of your head, smoothing down the hair as you shake. It's kinda funny how you're the only one who gets to see this side of him. "I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you, got it?" You nod and bury your face further, taking in the sent of musk and cigarettes.

"Good."

[jaylamcd68]

The Rookie 3x14

GUYS I CAN’T I AM TOO SHOOK.. but I will .. god this episode was SO good though, literally the entire time I was giddy, but you just KNEW they were going to do us dirty with a cliffhanger!!!

Last week I broke it down into character arcs but it was way to blended this week so its basically going to be a walk-through of the whole episode scene by scene.

Nyla gives Lucy one last talk as she prepares to go under. Lucy then is seen just wasting time in her time in her cover motel room waiting to see if someone is going to contact her. Wopez’s wedding venue was raided by the FBI - she says they’re getting married on Saturday at the court house Tamara and Silos help out Wesley’s mother to plan a new wedding in 2 days time. Nolan gets a knock on the door from a girl dog sitting for his neighbours who got locked out. He helps her out and they plan to see each other later. Smitty is Nolan’s TO for the day (Hilarious) Aldo’s brother Dahrio Salonga and crew break into Lucy’s motel room and tell her she needs to cook for them, they tell her they are taking her for a ride somewhere and make her leave her gun but Lucy gets her spare from the closet. They make her leave her phone behind. The wedding planning trio arrive at the new venue which is closed for repairs. Wesley’s mother tells the man in charge there that her son is getting married here on Saturday - Nolan connected with some construction contacts to have the repairs finished early so they could use the venue. Nolan talks with Cesar’s girlfriend to try and get her to convince him to contact the police to make a deal to torpedo his old business since it’s now under the control of La Fiera. Nolan then dislocates his finger chasing down a shoplifting suspect. Lucy is driving with Dahrio and Bob Morely’s character who’s name I didn’t catch, they tell her they are robbing a chemical supply store to get the necessary supplies to make what they need. Lucy speeds through an intersection and gets pulled over BUT ITS JACKSON AND TIM. Dahrio says he’s going to shoot the officers because she is supposedly out on bail, Bob Morely’s character has a warrant for his arrest and the car they are driving is stolen, so of course Lucy is like WHAT no, so she tells them she hasn’t gotten a ticket since she was 16 because she always flirts her way out of it so when Tim asks her for her license and registration Lucy PAINFULLY flirts with Tim, I honestly couldn’t even enjoy it because it was SO bad, but imma let my girl slide on this one since Tim and Jackson’s lives were at stake. Anyways Tim gets what she is trying to do and let’s them go, with Lucy giving them some info to pass onto Nyla as well in secret by saying they were late to pick up party supplies for her brother so they catch on that its Aldo’s brother and the supplies are to cook something. They hit up the chemical supply store, and Bob Morely’s character is a creep and is purposely toying with one of the girls who works there, terrifying her. Lucy is not having it and almost gets into it with him. Lucy notices a camera at the warehouse and doesn’t leave the property with any of the stolen merchandise meaning she didn’t commit a crime and she is good for being a UC. Nolan and Smitty get in contact with Cesar but one of La Fiera’s snipers is there who shoots him! A wonderful moment of Tim being worried about Lucy talking with Nyla and how he thinks she’s over her head and she won’t tell people to pull her out because she’s not a quitter. Nyla says Lucy is supposed to have a check in at midnight so she will check if she’s still good, Tim tells Nyla to call him as soon as she hears from Lucy. I AM IN LOVE with the wedding planning committee - Tamara, Silos, Jackson, Tim, Wesley and his mom organizing the last minute details, Tamara talking about Cardi B and Wesleys mom wanting to know who she is and Wesley being like hell naw😂 Nolan’s date comes over and his ethics professor is there because he wants to talk about his options re: the DA wanting to charge the suspect he was chasing when he dislocated his finger with a felony assault charge. Professor Ryan talks about the systemic problem of the DA’s office over charging people. Nyla tells Tim that Lucy missed her check in. They are super worried because any product that Lucy makes cannot end up on the street or she’ll have committed a crime so they know she will die trying to stop it from happening if they can’t find her before then.

Lucy has made a batch of meth and they want to deliver it and she is panicking trying to come up with a way to delay that when they get rolled up on by La Fiera and her people. In the chaos Lucy is able to call in to let them know where she is. La Fiera recognizes Lucy but doesn’t know from where. Lucy hears her backup arrive and maneuvers the gun pulled to her head away from the guy holding it and aims it at La Fiera telling her she’s a cop and she’s under arrest. At that moment Lopez comes in saying she stole her line. Tim is with her and when Lucy asks how they got there so fast he tells her when she didn’t check in they had 400 officers searching for her all night. Nolan teams up with Grey to talk with the DA lawyer. Grey spoke with different police officers organizing so that they won’t cooperate with the DA’s office if they are overcharging people. Nolan made an enemy in the DA’s office!! Speaking of people making enemies, Lopez is locking up La Fiera in a cell and La Fiera says that she isn’t going to stay in jail to which Lopez tells her stop kidding herself. Lopez then goes for the jugular telling La Fiera that she is the reason why Diego is dead, because she used him as a cover to speak with Cesar’s father. Lopez closes the door and La Fiera looks like she’s trying to murder Angela with her eyes!!! ITS FINALLY WEDDING TIME (AND LUCY ISN’T UNDERCOVER!!) Tim is speaking with Angela and telling her that she owes him for life. Tamara comes up to Tim asking for superglue, hair pins, and HIS BADGE?! he is like uhm why?? and Tamara just gives him a look like we don’t have time for stupid questions and he just says he will handle whatever this is and tells Angela to go get ready. Jackson comes up to Wesley and his mother because Angela doesn’t have her something old/new/borrowed/blue. Wesley’s mom gives her an antique broach that her own grandmother wore at her wedding. Nolan brought his new friend Bailey to the wedding and Jackson asks to borrow something from him. Nolan gives Jackson a key chain Henry made for him as a child. Jackson steals Grey’s pocket square because it’s blue. CUE SCREAMING FOR THE CHENFORD MOMENT: Grey is speaking with Nyla when Lucy walks up to them, they are telling her she is back to normal come Monday and Lucy says she actually misses normal AS SHE IS LOOKING AT TIM. Then she goes up to him and compliments him on the nice suit and that Nova would approve, Tim banters back by saying Nova was a little thirsty 😂😍😂😍 to which Lucy responds that Nova was assertive😍❤️. Tim compliments Chen on her good work undercover taking down two major drug traffickers in her first solo undercover assignment. Cue the amazing Chen, save me a dance quote from the promo. Then we have Jackson delivering all his rounded up supplies to Angela. They share an emotional hug.

The major spoilers are below: CUE THE SCREAMS OF TERROR because the next scene is La Fiera in the transport van and you just know things are going downhill from here 😭😭😭 the van gets ambushed and La Fiera escapes. Tamara was looking for Jackson to deliver the wedding bouquet and John says he can deliver it to Lopez. But the camera pans back and Angela is being held at gunpoint by a masked man. When John arrives the room is empty and he doesn’t think anything of it until he sees the bracelet that Angela has been wearing every day since La Fiera gave it to her on the floor .. AND THEN ITS JUST OVER!!! I CANT. NO WEDDING, NO IDEA WHERE LOPEZ IS, IF SHES ALIVE, NOTHING. AHHHHHHHH I CANT. (Also my chenford heart is so sad that we aren’t going to get the dance even though I didn’t think we would but I thought it would be because she went UC not because the episode ends on a cliffhanger on whether the bride even made it😭😭😭)

[jessie-sam-and-ash]

I've had a pretty bad fever and slept for quite some time. Now i just woke up and checked my phone.

2DAYS?!!? I slept 2whole days???? What the hell?!?

Why didn't mom wake me up? This isn't like her at all. Did sje give me my meds in my sleep? Ugh who cares now. I'm feeling better. 48hours of total black out was just what i needed. But god am i hungry now....

Wtf why won't the door open? C'mon it can't be seriously locked!!

*shuffling and grunting in the hallway*

Hooooooooold up. What's that??

*i peep through the keyhole* *terrified gasp as i stumble backwards* *outside, in the hallway, there's this ugly decomposing WALKING corpse* its a prank its a prank its gotta be a prank

*but the stench tells otherwise*

I need to get to the kitchen else imma starve here.....the door's clearly locked. The window! Imma sneak out the window!

*carefully i stand on the outer window still. The street looks awful, cars abandoned in the middle of the road, some even turned upside down. And lots of those....things walking around* they can't be zombies could they? Zombies aren't real....

*i climb down the water spout as quietly as possible* *luckily the kitchen window is open and no one seems to be inside*

Alright. First lemme close the door then eat something. Need to make a list of what i have and how long it'll last..... where's mom and dad? Hope they're safe. *I stop a sniff*

*after closing the door i find some milk and cereal. It seems electricity hasn't gone out yet since the fridge works* *as im about to take a seat, my foot hits something, sending it across the room* *its a phone. Mom's phone* *i turn it on. Messenger is open. She didn't get to send a last text....to me: 'pls be safe and don't open the door. You got t survive for us. We hold thm off as good as we cdkxfkflldk '*

They......they....no way. No no no no no!!! Could they be.....the zombie i saw in the hallway. I need to get a better look. But then what? What if it's them? Can i really...? I have to. It's not a matter of 'can' or 'cant'. They wanted me to live. This is what i will do. But first, provisions.

*i count some cans of food, an unopened pack of cereal, some veggies and what's left of mom's chicken soup* *it should keep me going for a few days until i make a plan to go out* *got several water bottles and a pack of beer*

*i take the small axe mom uses for chopping bones for soup* *i take a deep breath and slowly open the door*

*i look left and right: front door is wide open, will have to close it. The hallway seems empty for now, need to check the living room* *i quickly close the door and head towards the only other room*

Shit. SHIT!!! NOT dad! No no no nooo.....

*i struggle to not scream at the sight: dad, one arm missing, is sluggishly walking through the room, grunting to himself. Face mauled so bad i can barely recognize it, slowly decomposing. The smell is unbearable*

I can't do it. I can't do it. Dammit! I can't! No you bitch, you must!! That's not your dad anymore. The dead are supposed to stay dead. You gotta do it. You got this. Just get the head, smash it as hard as you can.

*i slowly make my way across the room, careful to not make any noise, need the moment of surprise* *im close enough. I raise the axe and...............strike* *the sickening sound of bones breaking fills my ears, the wet slosh of the axe leaving the skull makes me sick to the stomach* *the zombie falls to the ground* *i nudge it with my foot. It doesn't move. I killed it*

*shaking i tiptoe my way upstairs* *time to deal with the other one*

*it saw me! It runs towards me, still slower then a normal human* *i shriek and in the last second swing the axe* *the head tumbles to the ground, soon followed by the body* *im shaking terribly at this point* *fall to my knees and start crying*

Im sorry im sorry im sorry!!!! Mom dad im sorry!! I had to, i have to live for you. Forgive me! Im sorry! Im sorry! Please oh please let this be all nothing but one of my sick dreams!!

*sobbing and exhausted i fall asleep on the now blood soaked carpet*

.

.

.

.

It's been a week. Im outta food officially. Can still eat what's in the fridge but it'll go bad soon. I shouldn't go too far into the city before i have better weapons and know more about these shits. Hmmmmmm🤔 neighbor's house it is.

*i put my black hoodie on and some sneakers* *armed with the axe and a backpack im ready to head out* *the street seems empty. Yesterday a car's alarm started blaring somewhere down the road, attracting the zombies. I wrote about this in my little notebook: sensitive to sound*

*i bolt out the door and only stop in front of Jim's house* hope he's not dead in there too.

*i find the door unlocked and slip inside* *silence. No sign of zombies roaming* *i head to the kitchen and start searching*

*nothing useful* guess he managed to leave and took everything he could.

*i look around the house some more. I manage to find a bigger axe*

*getting out. Halfway back i stop in my tracks. A zombie's walking nearby. According to mom's behavior they also are attracted by movement* *BUT NO ONE COULD'VE GUESSED THEY ARE ATTRACTED BY SMELL TOO HOLLY SHIT* *he smelled me and charged* *i ran all the way home and slammed the door shut*

*panting* fuck fuck fuckkk. Gosh that was close.

*i go to the living room where i layed mom amd dad's corpses* *the stench is terrible. Im keeping the windows half open all the time* guess you two don't have any ideas on how to keep these fuckers away huh? They see me, they charge. They smell me, they charge. What the hell should i do? God you guys stink, i should bury you some time.

Or maybe..........? Hmmm might work. Let's test it.

*i take mom's head by the remaining hair and go to the front door where i can hear the zombie scratching at it* *i open it ajar and put the putrefying head in front of the gap* *i hear the zombie sniffing then grunting, then it goes away* interesting...

*i close the door again and throw the head on the couch* *i run upstairs to my room and grab the notebook: 'zombies are attracted by sound, movement and smell. They recognize eachother by the smell of decay. Using enough of their blood or flesh etc can keep them away. Need to see if you need to act like them too' *

.

.

.

Today i ate the last of that salad. Need to search for more food. Most neighbors either left and took everything good or didn't have anything canned and is now spoiled. I should try to make my way towards one of the stores. I should prepare.

*i go downstairs. Take dads large coat off the clothes rack*

Hey mom, dad. Im sorry but need a favor from you two.......

*i take the big axe next to the couch and start butchering one of the corpses* *blood and chunks of flesh fly all over the place* *when im done, im left with a bloody paste of guts and rotten meat* *using a glove i then smear the coat with the smelly paste* *i feel like gagging* this should do..

*i put the coat on, take the axe and my trusty backpack*

*with shaky hands i open the front door and step out into the blazing sun*

It's time to head out.

[thesaunatest]

MY HUGE THEORY ON EL’S PLOTLINE IN S4

before you guys even start, YES I know that 99.9% of what I say is going to be wrong but this is literally just for fun.

its march 1986, middle of the school year and el HATES school

when we left her she was barely literate and had just started getting accostomed to speaking full sentences, NOWHERE NEAR a 9th grade level, so shes struggling in her classes to say the least

on top of that, she barely knows how to socialize with other people, so shes evidently getting picked on

with joyce and jonathan both working to keep the family afloat, will and el get left alone alot

but outside of the party, they socially have nothing in common

in fact, will is adapting to the new town a whole lot better than el. he fit right in with all the creative kids he met in class, but el didnt mesh with that crowd

anyway, our girl is sturggling

the only time she really has fun is when she visits hawkins, or when someone from the party visits them

which leads us to spring break

mike obviously comes to visit, and el doesnt want them to waste a single second so she begs mike and will to come explore the town with her

at this point joyce is already in her detective mode, hatching a rescue plan for hopper so she doesnt notice theyre gone

and jonathan is battling the heartbreak of nancy ghosting him when she was supposed to come visit

so the trio goes off on an adventure without anyone noticing.......... or so they think

because brenner is back, and he knows el is with the byers, but he cant go and snatch her because he doesnt have the resources all the way in california

in fact, he doesnt have the resources at all. his numbers experiment is seen as a catastrophic failure that lead to the deaths of hundreds of lab employees

the only way for him to redeem himself in the community, and gain his funding back is to present his peers with proof that the project can work, so he needs to get one of his numbers back

el is the only one he can track down, but he doesnt think he can do it himself. if she saw him, she could just kill him with her powers, he assumes because he doesnt know she lost them

so who does he employ to get el back to hawkins? lonnie byers

its almost too easy. it doesnt take much to bribe lonnie, and hey, its not like its his kid. so lonnie accepts the bribe, and goes all the way out to california to find el

he shows up at the byers house..... only to find it completely deserted. so he waits

and the trio finds him there after their day out (why are you here? what do you want? where are mom and jonathan?)

and lonnie, being as crafty as he is, comes up with a good excuse on the fly (hes craftier than i am because i genuinely have no idea what he would say)

anyway, he gets them in his car and on their way back to hawkins

jonathan shows up after theyve already left, and is too stoned tired to think anything of the empty house

and joyce is already halfway to russia

will knows his father. he knows that his father doesnt give a shit about him, the family, or anything about hawkins. he knows that his father wouldnt get involved in anything unless he had something to gain. so hes wraking his brain

maybe.... lonnie pulls over to take a suspicious phone call? maybe will figures out an inconsistency in his story? either way, the gang is onto lonnie and figures that they gotta get away from him and get back to joyce and jonathan

they tuck and roll out of the car. idk. all that matters is that they get out of there

as theyre rolling out of the car, el bonks her head a little and has a quick flashback to her time in the lab

since her intuition is always spot on, she takes this as a cue the breener is back and lonnie is working for him

she tells the boys it isnt safe to go back to california or hawkins, so they come up w an alternative plan, somewhere neither brenner nor lonnie would think to look for them

and while theyre on the road, they stop at a diner to eat (dont ask me where they got the money) and we get will leaving an emotional voicemail home, probably sobbing to jonathan about how much he means to will, which gives el an idea

because who has the resources to help her, as well as a desire for vengeance on brenner? kali

el uses her superb hitchiking skills to get them to chicago

maybe she just has some hints of her powers left, but it isnt too hard for el to find kali

she explains everything thats happened, and lets kali know that if she want revenge, the opportunity is hers

unfortunately, lonnie was hot on their trail, and called for reinforcements

theyre ambushed by the few employees brenner has working for him. initially, everyone is hiding, assisted by kali’s powers

but el knows they arent leaving empty handed, and would rather get taken away then have kali’s freedom taken from her

so el reveals herself, followed by mike because he wont leave her, followed by will because he wont leave mike

all three get taken away, back to hawkins lab, but now kali is even more motivated to bring down the lab once and for all

so kali and her gang get to hawkins, almost simultaniously with jonathan, who has been looking for his family in a frenzy since the morning he woke up to find eveyone gone, without even a note or a phone call, as well as argyle, who came along for the ride

the video store is being used as home base this season, so thats the first place they go, where they find steve, shortstaffed and not knowing whats going on because the whole team ditched him

they catch him up to speed on how EVERYONES GONE and steve catches them up to speed on how EVERYONE IS GETTING MURDERED

meanwhile, brenner has three predicaments

1) no matter what he does to el, what kind of torture he inflicts, she isnt using her powers because she doesnt have them. she tells him this several times. he refuses to believe it

2) lonnie byers is demanding his payment, which he didnt recieve because the deal was that he bring el to them, and he couldnt even do that

3) he has to find a way to dispose of mike and will, who he had no intention of bringing into the lab but theyre here and they know everything

and this is the moment where mike screws up by letting them know that people know theyre in the lab and people know about all the experiments and any second now, someones gonna come banging that door down to save us. nancy, jonathan, steve, robin max, lucas, dustin, kali-

and the second mike says her name he knows he screwed up

brenner decides in that moment that all he can do is round up everyone involved and get rid of them. conveniently, the string of murders occurring will serve as a good cover for what happened to them

and this is the part where joyce, murray, and hopper get back to hawkins

this is also the part where nancy and robin and the gang get back to hawkins

so nancy and robin immediately go to the video store armed with all the new information they learned from victor creel

..... and are met with jonathan, argyle, kali, and steve in pandemonium

they close the store for the day, and get ready to storm the lab

they realize that they need something from the school, so they head there to pick it up

and soon after arriving, theyre met with the all to familiar hawkins lab vans

they make a hasty escape, taking out some of the goons but they need to find a way to get the rest off their trail

they head for the woods, hoping to hide out in the cabin

meanwhile, the russia crew has taken the mostly demolished cabin as their haven to recover from whatever injuries they sustained

theyre all running through the woods, but they realize the people from the lab are closing in on them

and then nancy and jonathan pass a very familiar tree

they use whatever weapon they have on them to break through the bark, and head into the upside down

the lab people keep going into the woods, eventually finding hopper’s cabin

epic showdown between the russia crew and the lab people, joyce, murray and hopper win, they realize the lab is back, immediately head there realizing theyre gonna have to rescue someone

nancy and robin use the info they learned from victor creel to keep the gang alive in the upside down, max, argyle and eddie are freaking out because omg we’re in another dimention, we get some big reveal about the truth about the upside down and the gang makes their way out and head to the lab

and while this is all happening,we get some super emotional monologue between brenner and el (ala-the last 10 minutes of the truman show) and brenner realizes that el isnt going to be the naieve superweapn she used to be, and decides the best thing he can do with el is give her the standard punishment, time in the closet

and being in the closet triggers all sorts of flashbacks and emotions (mbb’s opportunity to show off her acting chops for an emmy)

joyce and hopper bust into the lab like they did in season 1, but this time they dont get caught

they decide to split up to cover more ground, and hopper finds el in the closet

and around the same time joyce finds mike and will and gets them out of there

here comes the REAL emotional performance

hopper sees her, we get a teary eyed “el!” “dad!”, and then hopper gets pulled away from el by lab workers

exactly the same way terry did

we’re watching this happen from el’s perspective, with a heart-wrenching “noooooooooo” from el, accompanied by cuts to every time el has had to be separated from someone she cares about (terry, the s1 ending, billy dying, her leaving kali in s2, saying goodbye to everyone on moving day, her being separated from mike and will when they got to the lab) accompanied by some terribly sad 80s song, then back to the present moment, she reaches her hand out and boom, the guards go flying. her powers are back

except she doesnt have control of them the way she did before, and now shes bringing the whole building down

her and hopper race to the the first floor, and meet joyce and the boys, they get out of the building at the very last second, and the whole thing collapses.

eventually they find the other group, the whole team is now together, they go and take down the big bad from the upside down, joyce almost KILLS lonnie

nancy and robin drop a huge bombshell that has to do with hawkins/the upside down, specifically pertaining to el, which they pieced together after talking to victor creel

we get a massive cliffhanger, season 5 starts like 10 minutes after the ending of season 4

[familyofpaladins]

So after church today my family decided to go eat at this place that was giving out free(?) Food. We had all come in different vehicles though, (me and my mom in one because we went to bible study before the service, my brother his own because he doesnt live with us anymore, and my dad and sister came separate for whatever reason) Anyway we decide to go to the food place as a group because, why drive all the cars over there, and then just drop other people back off later. Well us girls have somewhere to be a little later, so we decided to go in one vehicle and the guys in the other, that way if we need to leave early we can.

We get over there and decide that the line would be too long to stand in and then eat, so the guys stayed, but us girls decide to just go get soem fast food before heading home.

I asked at one point if we were going inside or the drive thru. They said drive thru because 2My mom has some new diet restrictions (found out she cant eat fructose) so she wasnt going to eat anything. So that way we compel eat on the way home and she wouldnt have to worry about eating and driving. No big deal.

We get our food and start heading home. I get done with my food and am just eating my ice cream that I got. We are a mile a way from our house (we live about 15 minutes from the town we were just at).

My sister asks my mom if she knows where we have to go for our thing later. I start to think to myself about how nice it'll be to all just go in the same vehicle and that we dont have to drive seperate-

...

Me: Hey. Do you guys realize we left Sister's car in town?

[anythingandeverything1d]

The right way

“Hey, there you are.” Your friend walked into the room, belly flopping on the couch next to you.

“Here I am.” you smiled. “I didn’t know I was being looked for.”

“Well, it seems you are a very hard person to reach today. I sent you a text, then I called, then I emailed you, and then I sent you a DM on every social media platform.”

“Causal.” you laughed.

Your friend rolled her eyes and smiled. “My point being, you didn't answer any of them. So I figured I would come over to make sure you weren't lying dead in a creek or something. But now that I’m here it seems you are.....kind of okay?”

“Kind of okay?”

“Well I mean judging by the reruns of Dance Moms, extra baggy sweat pants, unbrushed hair, and empty ice cream container, oh and the lack of being on your phone...I’m guessing something is going on.”

You sighed and fell back, your head landing lightly next to hers. “I am feeling like I am in a funk today.”

“What kind of funk?”

“You don’t want to know...”

“Come on (y/n)...you're my best friend. Of course I want to know.”

“I just...I don't know...I had the urge...Immissingharry.” you mumbled covering your face with your hands.

“Say again?” your friend asked sitting up with a concerned face. “I think I heard you wrong...”

You sighed and sat up. “I kind of miss Harry.”

“Why?” she scoffed. “I mean its been what a year?”

“Well actually 11 months and 28 days to be exact.”

“(y/n).”

“I don't know okay? I just woke up feeling that way. Like ever since we broke up my life has been missing something. Missing him. I know he's probably moved on, dating some model, but today I just felt like I really wanted him back.”

“Are you ill or?”

You laughed and fell back with a groan. “I don't get it...Like its been so long. I was doing so well. I had moved on. I mean I’m happy! I just miss him. Its like a light ache in my body that just reaches for him constantly.”

“Okay seriously we need to get you to a doctor.”

“Stoppp.” you groan. “I threw my phone somewhere over there.” You pointed to the opposite side of the room. 

“Why?”

“You don't want to know....”

“Oh my god. You didn’t.”

You covered your face and groaned. Your friend grabbed your hands and tugged them away from your face looking you directly in the eyes. You smiled at her, partly laughing. “I may have....”

“No way.”

“I couldnt help it...It was a moment of weakness and I gave in.”

“You actually texted him.”

“What? No.”

“Oh thank god.” She said relieved.

“I wouldn't do that.” She sat up and smiled.

“Good because-”

“I called him and left a voicemail.”

Her mouth dropped and you shrugged. “(y/n) please tell me you're kidding.”

“I really wish....”

“What did you say to him?!”

“Ughhh trust me it was so bad.”

“Tell me!”

“Just that I was thinking about him and wondering how life was and that I was sorry for bothering him and calling but it just seemed like something I needed to do.”

“Wow. Out of everything you could've said to your ex boyfriend a year later thats what you go with?”

“I didn’t want to make it a problem if he was busy, or dating someone, or if he didn't want to talk to me.”

“So if you already called, why is the phone over there?”

“Because....I don't want to know if he responds.”

“Oh my god! How long ago did you call him!”

“I don't know....I think it was like 5 am...”

“You called your ex boyfriend, HARRY FUCKING STYLES, at 5 fucking o clock in the morning?! (y/n)! I’m actually concerned for your well being. What the hell were you doing up so early?”

“I had a dream...a scary dream.” you mumbled.

“A scary dream? Seriously. About what?”

“Harry. I had a dream that he died...and I woke up feeling sick to my stomach. I felt like there wasn't a life left for me to live if he wasn't in it. So I called. I just wanted to see if he was okay....but then of course I couldn't stop thinking about him. Then I regretted the call.”

“You told him about the dream in your message didn't you? Were you like panicking as well.”

“I may have been kind of crying but it was so realistic....I just couldn't get it out of my mind.”

“Girl, you could've called me.”

“I know...I was going to but then I didn't want to know what he said back, if he said anything back at all, so I threw the phone and haven't moved from my couch since.”

“Good lord girl, come on we are going to find your phone and look.”

“No! I cant...”

“Why not?”

“Because.” “Because why?”

“Because what if he didn't respond?”

“Then he's exactly the asshole I told you he was a year ago!”

“11 months and 28 days...not a year.”

“Come on.” She sighed and grabbed your wrist, dragging you off the couch. 

It didn't take long to find your phone. You had thrown it into the bin your blankets were stored in and it had fallen just slightly to the side. Your friend handed it to you face down. “I cant.”

“Yes you can. Just flip it over.”

You took a deep breath and flipped the phone over, the light flashing across your face from the movements. You looked down. “11 texts and 2 missed calls.”

“From Harry? Wow that’s obsessive...”

“No. From you.”

“Oh. Well that sounds like a caring friend...”

You laughed and scrolled past your social media notifications and emails and took another big breath. “1 missed call and 2 texts from Harry.”

“Well...what do the texts say?”

You opened your phone and clicked on the message, reading out loud. “Hey, you seemed a little upset in your message. I wanted to make sure everything was okay...give me a call so I at least know you're okay. H”

“Well?”

“What?”

“Are you going to call him?”

“No.” you crossed your arms, setting your phone in your lap. “No, I’m not going to call him. I shouldn't have called him this morning.”

“(y/n)...”

“It’s fine. I’m over it now.” You stood up, walking to the kitchen for a drink. “There’s no point in messing with that whole thing again.” You took a sip of the water as your doorbell rang.

“Expecting someone?”

“No...well I am expecting a package.” You sat the glass on the counter and walked to the door pulling it open. Your eyes were pointed down looking for a package, but instead all you saw were a pair of very familiar Chelsea boots. You froze, but your eyes managed to drag slowly up the body of the man in the boots. Harry stood there, his hands behind his back. He was in your favorite black skinny jeans and a black Calvin Klein hoodie. His hair was pulled back into a small bun, and his green eyes were anxiously searching yours.

“Uh hey.” he mumbled with a smile.

You were speechless, staring at Harry with a confused look. “Well is it your new bikini- Oh my god. That’s not a bikini....”

“Hi.” Harry said to your friend. 

She grabbed your hand, her arm around your shoulder defensively. “Harry what are you doing here.”

“Uh...(y/n)...she actually called me this morning and uh...yeah I just- I never heard back from her so I figured I would stop by and make sure you know everything uh everything was okay.” You were sill so surprised you couldnt find words. Harry looked at youth a little bit of regret. “uh maybe I should be going now though...”

He turned to walk away but you shook your head. “Wait, uh do you want to come in?”

“What?” Harry said at the same time as your friend.

You shot her a look and turned to Harry speaking up more clearly. “Do you want to come in?”

He smiled and nodded, walking through the door. Harry made his way to the couch, sitting down and making himself comfortable. You sat on the opposite end and your friend sat in the middle. “Wow this hasn’t changed a bit.” he smiled at you.

“Yeah..I haven't had a lot of time for renovations.”

“I like it.” he said. 

“Well this isn’t awkward at all.” your friend mumbled.

Harry shifted uncomfortably and looked at you. “Uh I guess the reason I’m here...this morning when you called, the messaged seemed a little panicked and not okay. I figured you would text me back so when I didn’t hear anything I uh I got a little worried and figured I would stop by and check on you...I hope you don't mind.”

“No...no not at all. I’m sorry for the frantic call this morning.”

“Don’t be..I was kind of happy to see your name on my screen this morning. It uh, it felt normal..”

Your friend gagged but you smiled and nodded. “I called because I had a dream this morning. A dream where you died and well it was so realistic I just couldn’t shake it...I just wanted to make sure you were you know...alive.”

Harry laughed and held up his hands. “Still alive and breathing.”

You laughed and nodded. “I’m glad.”

Harry smiled, the dimples you loved showing on the corner of his mouth. “So uh, how have things been?”

“Not too bad...you know just been working a lot...trying to stay on top of everything. How about you? You went on tour right?”

“Yeah, yeah tour was amazing. It was weird not having you there... but we managed to get by and I think the fans enjoyed it.”

You felt your cheeks heat up and looked down. “I’m sure they did. I mean you could probably forget the words to every song and they would still love you.”

Harry laughed and nodded. “A girl asked me to hit her with my car...”

“What?” you and your friend both asked.

“Yeah she said that I could hit her with my car, maybe even accidentally kill her and she would die the happiest she could've been.”

Your friends mouth dropped open. “I think thats my cue to go...(y/n) don't make me come back over later.. actually answer your phone. Harry..It was...a pleasure as always.”

“Yeah, nice to see you.”

“I’ll call you.” you promised as she walked towards the door.

“You better!” she called, walking outside, leaving you and Harry in the darkening living room.

You looked over at him and he looked at you. “So uh, writing any new music..”

“Yeah, yeah I’ve got some stuff I’m working on but I’m enjoying a little time off actually.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, I know unbelievable but I just felt a little tired. Like I wanted some down time you know?”

“Yeah I cant imagine...you rarely have time off so I’m sure its been nice.”

“Yeah it has...” Harry’s eye locked on the picture sitting on the coffee table. It was of you and your friend. “Uh is this..is this your boyfriend?”

You laughed shaking your head, “No..no that’s Ryan...he uh he’s kind of like my gay best friend.”

“Gay best friend?”

“Yeah...kinda.”

“Why kinda? Is he gay? and is he your best friend?”

“Well yeah.”

“Then there’s no kinda there.” Harry laughed and you smiled. 

“Uh I’m sure your girlfriend has enjoyed you having this time off.”

“Yeah...well I don't actually have a girlfriend but I’m sure if I did she would enjoy it.”

You bit your lip and smiled. “What happened to that one girl..the model?”

“She was always just a friend..I just can’t go for the famous ones anymore.” Harry laughed. “My mum might lose her mind if I bring home another crazy model who won’t eat her cooking because of the calories.”

“Well she should. Your mom has the best cooking I think I’ve ever had.”

Harry smiled. “I remember you ate like the whole pan of brownies that one day and my mum told me you were the one. A real winner in her book.”

You laughed and nodded. “Your mom is kind of the sweetest person ever.”

“I know. I know. She’s amazing.” Harry looked at you thoughtfully. “She misses you ya know?”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, you were her favorite I think.”

“Well she was my favorite too.” You winked and Harry laughed softly. 

“Whatever I won't argue that one. My mum needs the wins.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re just jealous.”

“Jealous? Am not.”

“Whatever you say.”

“How’s your family doing?”

“They are okay...my dad actually kind of misses you I think.”

“No way...there’s no way he misses me.”

“I think he does. I mean I know my mom does.” You laughed. “She sends me articles on you all the time, saying how proud she is that you are killing it. My dad just misses your dad jokes. He can’t seem to come up with any that match yours.”

“I mean I am superior in the comedy field.” You shake your head smiling and he laughs. “So your mom actually sends you stuff on me?”

“Oh yeah. She will be like ‘look at what Harry did! What a cutie!’”

“And how do you respond?” Harry looked amused.

“I agree with her.” You smile and look away. “You know I’ve always been proud of what you're doing...” 

Harry nodded and bit his lip. He started saying something but you screamed as a bug flew into your face. You jumped up, scaring Harry and tripping over the blanket on the floor at your feet. Harry jumped up laughing and reached a hand down. “Are you okay?”

“No.” You grabbed his hand and stood up. “That bug just assaulted me.”

“I think you assaulted it too.” he laughed. He brushed the hair back from your face and smiled. Your breath caught and he was staring at your lip. Your eyes met his, no one said anything and he leaned in slowly. Your lips lightly touched his. His hands pulled you a little closer, his lips adding weight to the kiss. He pulled his lips away slightly, yours following suit and opening up. He kissed you harder, his tongue slowly pushing its way into your mouth. You tangled your fingers in his hair and his hands dropped down your back to your butt. The kiss was fiery and fierce. It was one that left you breathless and wanting more. Your phone was buzzing and you looked at Harry. He was breathing hard, his hands not leaving your body. You ignored the phone and kissed him softly again, this time your hands slid up his shirt to his chest. You could feel his heart racing, matching yours. “Wait-” Harry stepped back a minute. You looked at him confused and suddenly very embarrassed.

“I’m sor-”

“No. No. Stop.” He stepped in again, pecking a kiss on your nose. “I just want to do this right...”

“What do you mean?”

“I want us to do this the proper way if we are going to do it.”

You sat on the couch, running your fingers through your hair a little confused. “What exactly do you mean...”

“Look. I don't know what you’ve been feeling but ever since our break up I just haven't felt the same. Something has been missing. When I got your call this morning I realized it was you. You are the one thing I just haven't had and that I need. I want more than anything to tear those sweatpants off you and carry you to bed. But if you want this...I want to do it the right way.”

“What’s the right way?”

“I want to take you on a date. I respect you more than just to take you for your body. Don’t get me wrong. I want your body too. But I also know I want more...if you want more. If you don’t want more I mean I’m not opposed to carrying you up to bed right now..”

You sighed and pulled him on the couch next to you. You kissed his cheek and gripped his hand. “When you died in my dream. I realized I didn't want to live either. If you weren't alive I shouldn't be either. I didnt even realize how much I missed you but I do. I miss you so much....”

“Then it’s settled.” You looked at him confused and he grinned. “You and I are going on a date tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yeah. I don't want to waste anymore time not being with you...”

You smiled and nodded. “Tomorrow it is.”

Harry stood up and you followed. “Wear something nice.”

“Like how nice?”

“Whatever you feel like.”

“Harry.”

“Youre going to look beautiful in anything. I mean look at these sweatpants...they are what 3 sizes too big and I’m feeling like I want to tear them off you and devour you from the bottom up.” You blushed and Harry pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I’ll pick you up at 7:00.” With that he turned and walked out. You grabbed your phone, seeing multiple texts and missed calls from your friend. 

You fall back into the couch and smile, texting her back. *you will never guess what just happened...*

*what? wait don't tell me. you and Harry had sex.*

*no.*

*shit I really thought thats what it was.*

*he asked me on a date*

*seriously*

*yeah*

*you two dated for like what 2 years and he only asked you on a date*

*well we also kissed*

*I knew it. when's the date*

*tmrrw*

*where's he taking you*

*Idk...just said to dress nice...what the fuck does that mean tho*

*to dress nice*

*thats not helpful*

*I'll help you tmrrw. how do you feel about it*

*excited....I really do miss him*

*I know you do*

--- 

So I got a request about having them break up but get back together...this is what that turned into. There will be a second part though so stayed tuned ;)

let me know what you think so far!

xoxo

[diamondcamefromhell]

Timeless love

Jaskier x Female Reader series  part 1

[again a reupload because the first time, tags decided to not work, fun times ~] [ reuplaod x2 POOPDIE DOOBTIE tags just dont want to work these days, do they]

Summary: This is an AU, where Y/N is a young woman, trying to make ends meet with her freelancing writing job. She lives in her small Nottingham studio apartment along with her cat Apollo. Things change when one evening as she is waiting for her taxi, she meets what she thinks is Joey Batey, but the man in front of her is convinced he’s Jaskier, a character from her current favorite show. Y/N now has to figure out what to do.

Warnings: Swearing

Word count: 1,413

Note:

This is just an intro kind of thing, setting the setting (wow, great wording me) and Y/N first meets Jaskier. I had this idea at work, and I really want to write it, I know it may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but if you find it interesting, you can ask to be added to a tag list! Other parts will be longer, posted every two days. I will continue doing other random imagines as requests are still open, but this will be a multi-part thing going on.

ALL feedback is appreciated. You can leave it anonymously on my ask page.

ENJOY! xxx

I click off Netflix, with a warmth filling my heart. I just finished rewatching The Witcher for a second time already. I get up to clean my room, gently humming Toss a Coin to Your Witcher to myself. I live a small studio apartment, a struggling artist is what I should call myself.

I specialize is writing, and as a freelance worker, I get to do works on anything, from how to grow your peas to why foot fetish is good for your health. A weird bunch of people come to me, influencers preaching nonsense. What I truly enjoy, however, is poetry. Writing art, not whatever people bark at me.

But I have to make a living. I made a promise to the stars I would make it on my own.

I glance back at my laptop. I enjoy my days off, treating myself to fine shows like The Witcher. I go play the song I was humming, and it fills my apartment, as I clean the kitchen counters and do the dishes. I decide that I might go out tonight, I need a break from this small room. I need to breathe.

I have this sense of adventure, wanting to do something - anything. Watching people go on adventures for eight hours straight makes my life seem so boring and bland. Much like Jaskier, I wanted to be heard. I wanted someone I could write about, and the world would be forced to listen. The world couldn’t help but fall in love, too.

Hours pass by, as I begin to get ready, applying gentle makeup on my face. I throw on a flowy skater style dress, that’s pale blue. I smirk remembering Jaskier wore pale blue, and then cuss myself out for getting so enticed in fictional character. I can fall for someone who isn’t real, not again. I’ve been the girl with a helpless crush on many characters.

Won’t happen again. I am content with being single. Plus, I have my cat. I glance around my apartment, looking for Apollo, my ginger boy I named after my favourite Greek God. I see him on a windowsill, staring out into the world. My beautiful boy. Roach to my Geralt.

“Be good tonight, Apollo.” I say, but the cat pays little to no attention to me. “Mommy will head out.”

I let out a sigh when Apollo doesn’t even look at me. Being a cat mom, you get used to it, but I prefer it when he’s in his happy mood. Then, I can’t get him off me. I whistle, making him look at me. His green eyes scan me, as if asking why I dared to disturb him.

“Keep our home safe, okay?” To my surprise, he meows in response, before looking out the window again.

This cat never ceases to amaze me.

I make sure to leave enough food and water for him, before I leave the apartment. The smell in the corridor makes my nose physically hurt, and I wonder if Dave, my neighbour, is passed out drunk somewhere again. I sigh, rushing from my third floor, to get relief of fresh air.

The streets are dim, but not too dark. I clutch my purse tighter, knowing there still are some sketchy people, even if it’s still light outside. I call a taxi, glancing around the empty streets. Until I hear someone grunt behind me. I turn on my feet, reaching for pepper spray in my purse, but get struck by a surprise.

Before me stands a man I just spend hours watching. Or the guy who plays him. Joey Batey. Dressed in full Jaskier attire, though. The red matching set he wore in episode six. He has his lute in his hands. Our eyes meet, and he looks scared out of his mind.

“Joey?” I ask, trying not to attack the actor with fangirling, who looks around, to see if there is someone else behind him. When he realizes it’s just us, he raises his eyebrows.

“I’m sorry?” He asks, looking around some more. Confusion paints his face as he looks at me once more. “Where am I?”

“Nottingham.” I say, but it doesn’t seem to clarify anything for him, as he raises his eyebrows even more.

“What is this Nottingham?” He takes a step back. “Who are you, exactly?”

“My name’s Y/N.” I raise my arms in the air, showing I mean no harm. “Joey, are you okay?”

“Who’s Joey?” His voice shakes. “I’m Jaskier.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Now I’m the one, raising my eyebrows. My phone beeps, informing me the taxi will be here in 5 minutes. Joeys, Jaskiers, eyes drop to the gadget, as he looks mortified.

“What is that?” He scoffs, taking a step back again. “You’re a sorceress. This is an illusion. Bloody witches keep ruining my days.”

“I am not a witch, Jo… Jaskier.” I correct myself but I can tell he’s not convinced. He grips on his lute tighter, eyeing me down.

“Where’s Geralt?” His voice is quiet. I feel dizzy, wondering if someone was smoking something funny up in my apartment building.

“Not here, as far as I know.” I squint, looking around, trying to see if I see Henry, dressed as Geralt just wondering the streets of Nottingham. My phone beeps again. Taxi is three minutes away. I see Jaskier stare at it again, so I slide it in my purse. “We can go to my place, you could rest, see if you feel better tomorrow?”

“I am not going anywhere with you, witch!” He puts on a brave face. I watch him turn left, as his face drops. He has no idea where he is. What exactly did he smoke?

“Jaskier. Please.” I plead, not sure what to do. I can’t pull out my phone and google ‘how to help people who are high off their mind’. That would probably give him a heart attack. “Trust me.”

“How can I trust someone who put me in this mirage?” Shit. I guess I will have to play along.

“I don’t know where I am either. I woke up in here, and I tried to find a way out. Until I just settled.” I say whatever comes to my mind as I see Jaskier slowly relax. How naïve of him, “If you are here too, maybe we both can figure something out. Maybe Geralt and Yennefer can help.”

“You know Yennefer.” His voice grows cold and I realize I messed up. I stare at him, not sure how to get him on my side again. The taxi is probably a minute away, and I cant leave Joey alone, not when he is this much out of his mind. But I cant take him clubbing either.

“I know the Continent. I heard your songs, Jaskier.” I plead, looking around. I don’t hear a car just yet. “Toss a coin to your Witcher, o valley of plenty.”

“You know my songs?” He seems to relax again, and I become anxious to get him off the street.

“Please come with me.” I plead, rushing to him.

Before he can respond, I grab his hand, dragging him inside. I hear him grunt, at what I can only assume, is the smell. My phone begins ringing, alerting that the taxi is here. I don’t stop, dragging him to the third floor. I struggle at the door, as my hands shake. When I eventually get the key in, I practically push him inside, locking the door behind us.

I take my phone out, answering.

“I am so sorry, sir. I changed my mind, my um, cat, started throwing up.” I blabber as Jaskier is fearfully looking around. “I might need to take him to the vet, I can’t go out. Please charge my card for your time to come here and have a nice evening.”

I hang up, my heart beating slower. If any sane person saw us, especially saw Jaskier, they might have called ambulance or police. Imagine the news.

“The hit show’s “The Witcher” star was found high out of his mind in the streets of Nottingham. Joey Batey, reportedly, kept saying he is Jaskier, calling everyone sorceresses.”

Wonderful. I look at him now, not sure how to refer to him. My phone dings again, and I look at it, swearing. But it’s a notification. From Instagram.

Joey Batey just updated his story. I open it, to see it’s a picture of him and Henry, with a caption ‘catching up before season 2’. I lift my head, swallowing hard. Jaskier turns around to face me, and my heart drops.

What is going on?

[PART TWO]

[fairytellerxo]

AN: draft 7 of 49. This was a rough draft of a follow up to Plaything which can be read here. Never finished it or looked at this again until right now. It had potential. 

“You wanna tell me why you’re in protection?” Angel looked down at Nicole. “Come on, you have to be pretty important to be dragged to the club for protection.”

Nicole looked up at him before shrugging slightly. “My dad was a power player. He got killed and I saw who did it and now I need to be protected while it’s all sorted out.” She shook her head. “Not how I wanted to cross paths again with you.” 

He sighed and nodded. “Look, I enjoyed what we did, I loved it, but we can’t let anyone around here know that this isn’t our first time meeting. Especially not Nestor because he’s crazy as fuck.”

“He’s harmless,” she rolled her eyes as she glanced around. “Professional in public eyes, alright. I can do that.” She tilted her head to look at him again. “So, an outlaw huh?” She pulled on the front of his kutte. “Figures as much. It all makes sense, especially the tattoos and the bike.”

“Yeah well you’re not some saint, freaking daughter of the cartel.” He groaned. “I really do have a type, bad girls.” 

“I’m fun,” she smiled. “I’m a lot of fun. So, any place we can sneak off to? Might as well do something fun to kill some time.”

Nestor stalked towards the pair. “Ven aqui Colel, habla conmigo por favor.” He looked at Angel. “If she starts trying to bribe you to let her escape, call me.” He held out a card. Right now, Colel.”

Nicole followed after the man. “Call me Nicole. Why do I even have to be protected? What is this club gonna do? They don’t know me, they won’t give up their lives to protect me.”

“My brother is dead, your dad is dead, your mom is dead. You could’ve been dead too.” He cupped her face. “I don’t have kids of my own but you’re the closest thing to it. I would rather you be close and with the club than with me and in more danger.” He kissed her head. “Please, I don’t want to have to plan another funeral, just cooperate and make it easy for me to protect you my love.”

She nodded slowly before hugging the man. “I love you and I will try not to give them shit although, I know I can bribe that Angel character, a six pack and he’ll hand me the keys to escape.”

“That is why you’re being protected by that guy, Riz.” He smirked. “He’s not as gullible as Angel.” He shrugged. “He’s also the only one with space to take you in, you’re going to be okay, I promise. Have I ever lied to you?”

“There was that one time that you went to jail and then you came home you said you were at university.” She chuckled. “That was a lie.”

Nestor smiled. “I’d never lie to you about anything important, like your safety.” He shook his head. “It’s only for a little bit and you’ll be free to go home or we’ll set you up in a condo out here. Make sure you are ready.”

She sighed and nodded slowly as she chewed on her bottom lip. “I’m strong, una Guerrera Maya.” She smiled. “Don’t call me Colel, I don’t want these guys around here thinking it’s okay because only you can call me that.” 

“I’ll call you Colel when I want,” he hugged her briefly. “Also no damn fights, too old and too pretty.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She grinned. “I love you, just relax a bit. Do not falter.” She shook her head. “Oceteva’s are strong, we’re to be feared. Even though, I don’t see how the braids scare anyone.”

“People underestimate me because of the braids but I’ll still kill them.” He smiled proudly. “Remember you’re going with Riz, not anyone else unless it’s Bishop or Taza. None of the younger guys, don’t trust them with you.”

Nicole have a single nod. “I got it, Riz and not anyone else.” 

.

.

.

“So, I’m bored.” Nicole looked at Riz and smiled. “May I braid your hair?”

Riz looked at the young woman before shaking his head slightly. “No you may not braid my hair. I like it the way it is. Don’t you have a phone to keep you busy? That’s what your generation is all about.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah but it’s new because my uncle thought I’d be tracked. I got his number in it and that’s about it.”

He shrugged. “Download a game or make friends with some of the girls around here.”

Nicole groaned as she looked at her phone. “Here I was thinking you’d be a cool one with your Latino Uncle Jesse vibes.” She shook her head. “I’m gonna just be around, mingling.”

Riz scoffed as he looked at the young woman. “You’re old enough to find your own fun. I offered up a room for you.” He smiled. “I have way better hair than Uncle Jesse.”

“You’re so right, I am old enough,” She looked back at her phone. “Forget I’m even here.” She moved back towards the guest room before slipping inside and closing the door behind her. Dropping onto the bed, she pulled her shoes back on before turning the TV on and up to a believable volume. “Peace out boring ass fucker.” She slid the window open before looking out of it, nothing she hadn’t done before.

She expertly climbed out of the window, dropping to her feet with a slight thud. “Bingo.”

“Not so fast,” Angel looked at Nicole. “Why are you sneaking out?”

“I cant use the front door,” she shook her head. “Why are you here? It’s boring.”

“It’s a brothel,” he eyed her carefully and smirked. “I’m sure you could’ve found one to mess with.”

Nicole shook her head as she started walking away. “I’m not sticking my mouth on community pussy.” She looked at her phone. “Just gotta get somewhere that a car service can pick me up. I’m not staying here.”

“You sound like a brat,” he moved to her before grabbing her waist and roughly pulling her back against him. “Easy way or the hard way?”

“Hard please,” she smirked. “Can’t we just let me go for a few hours.”

Angel tossed her over his shoulder and smacked her ass roughly. “I have so many things I want to do with and to you but I ain’t letting Riz get his balls cut off by Nestor because you catted off.” 

“Listen, he’s boring, I don’t know what he does for your club but he’s boring,” she shook her head. “Angel, don’t do me like this.”

He walked into the house. “Riz! One of your girls was running off, caught her.” He shook his head. “When the time is right, I got you.”

Riz rounded the corner and stalled. “Jesus, thanks Angel. I got your usual for you. You know her room.”

He set Nicole to her feet. “Thanks man.” He nodded. “Nicole, nice seeing you again.”

Nicole rolled her eyes as she moved up the stairs and towards the guest room. “Fuck you Angel.”

Angel looked at the brunette. “You wish.” He winked at her. “Escaping here right now is like someone escaping jail the first night, too risky.” 

She shook her head. “Whatever, have fun.” She walked into the guest room and dropped on the bed. “Fuck this place.”

…

“Colel,” Miguel tapped one the brunette’s leg. “Wake up, we need to have a quick talk.”

Nicole rolled over before sitting up slowly. “Only Nestor can call me that.” She shook her head. “But what’s up? Is he okay?”

“Yes, Nestor is fine, he had to go across the border, he told me to check in on you because you didn’t answer your phone and Riz didn’t either.” He smiled. “I see that you’re fine and that your phone is on silent. How was your sleep?”

“I don’t know if you know but we’re in a brothel, a proper whorehouse,” she shook her head. “I rather risk getting decapitated than spend another night here. Can I crash with you Mikey?”

He chuckled. “Only Nestor can call me that. I’ll see about putting you up in a condo instead. Just have the prospect and a few others drop in on you.”

“Will he be okay? He’s my only family I got now.” She looked at him. “Without him, I don’t even know what I’d do. He’s been more of a dad to me than my own. I used to make my abuela braid my hair to match his.” 

He smiled. “He’ll be fine. I’m your family too you know. He’s a brother to me, I love and respect him. He talks about you every single chance he gets. Even has your picture in his jacket pocket every single day. He’ll lay his life down for you without a second thought.”

She nodded slowly. “Yeah, I know. Thanks for checking in on me, if you talk to him before I do, tell him I could use a change of scenery. I’ve learned way too much in just a single night here. Way too much.”

Miguel nodded as he stood up and smiled. “It’s been a pleasure and I’ll see about a condo for you Nicole. Keep your spirits up. We’ll get vengeance for your parents.”

.

.

“Nicole,” Angel walked into the condo and smirked before glancing back at his brother. “Leave it to her to be put up in something this fucking nice.”

EZ shrugged as he closed and locked the door behind him. This wasn’t his favorite thing to do but at least he wasn’t in any immediate danger and he was sure it was only a matter of minutes before Angel would be pushing him out the condo to spend alone time with Nicole. “Taza could’ve just sent you to check on her. I’m sure you’d be thorough about it.”

“What?” Nicole walked out of the bedroom, a towel wrapped around her as she looked at the men. “Oh, hey guys. You bring the snacks?”

“Yes,” Angel dropped the bag on the coffee table. “Moving on up, brothel to a condo.”

She nodded as she trailed her fingers through her hair. “Friends in high places. I would not mind being a mistress to Miguel. I think that would work well for me.”

“I could see him having a mistress but it would not be you,” EZ shook his head. “You’d be too headstrong.”

“Submissive.” She grabbed the pack of sour punch straws out of the bag. “It’s the name of the game, you have to play submissive to a man like that in bed otherwise it won’t work. Headstrong in the streets, his little slut in the sheets. Win, win. Am I right?” She smiled at the man. “Make yourselves at home.”

Angel nodded slowly. “She’s right, she’d have to be submissive in bed for it to work out. I however, think you would be better suited playing with me and ignoring Miguel all together. Who knows, he may be a sissy in the bedroom. You’d have to peg him.”

“I’m open minded, I don’t kink shame, unless you have a kink for being shamed then I’m all for degrading you and making you feel less than human,” She shrugged. “Look at your brother blush, he’s getting uncomfortable. What? Do you just like vanilla sex? That’s so boring.”

[takeiteasypeasybaby]

Save Me: Chapter 75 - For Me

~Hey guys! Chapter 75 is out now :) I cant believe theres only two more chapters of Save Me, this journey has been incredible and I'm so grateful for all of you supporting me <3 Enjoy!~

Molly, Negan and Daryl all go out to look for Lydia when they encounter a dangerous threat which affects the safety of the whole family.

That journey felt like the longest ever.

Each step we took felt like we weren't any closer to reaching Lydia.

We didn't even know whether she would be at the bridge but I just held onto hope a tightly as I could because there was no way in hell that I would leave her out there.

When we reached the border, I angrily took out the pikes that lined it.

The barbarity of the whisperers would never been repeated but unfortunately we would never be able to forget either, pikes or no pikes.

That was where Aaron and Carol had seen Lydia and they told us the direction she had headed in since, so we followed it until we got to the road.

I recognised it instantly and I knew that the bridge wasn't far from here.

'Guys! this way!' I said to Negan and Daryl as I saw an abandoned car in the distance.

We all automatically put up our weapons, just in case of people or walkers in or around the car.

Negan asked me to stay back and wait while he and Daryl checked it out.

I reluctantly agreed and watched them cautiously as they moved around the vehicle.

Daryl wiped away dust on the back window and shook his head to signal there was nothing in there.

Negan moved around and stopped when he crouched by the back tires.

'Molly' he shouted as he ushered me over.

'What is it?' I asked worriedly as he stood up slowly and turned around as he held out a silver locket in his fingers.

My heart dropped as I took it in my hands and saw the engraving: T.C.

'It's Lydia's' I said sadly as I looked down and put it in my pocket.

Daryl patted my shoulder and said 'it could've fallen off, doesn't mean she's dead'.

Negan nodded.

'We'll find her Moll' he said smiling weakly as he wrapped an arm around me.

I nodded a silent 'mhm' as we kept walking.

She could still be at the bridge or somewhere near it, I thought to myself.

Hope was all I had at the moment and I couldn't lose it or it would break me.

It wasn't much later until we reached the bridge.

I paced as fast as I could in my condition and checked the bridge frantically.

There was no sign of her at all.

I wanted to scream in pain as I gripped my hair in frustration.

'What if something happened to her? I was sure this was it! This was the place!' I yelled as I started to tear up.

'Kid!' Negan yelled as he searched down the bank.

Daryl went in the opposite direction and yelled 'Lydia!'.

I paced around on the bridge as tears rolled down my face.

'I can't lose her' I said to Negan as he came back up to the bridge.

He ran over and hugged me as he stroked my hair.

'I know, I know' he said soothingly.

'I can't lose anyone else, I just can't' I cried into his chest as he kissed my head and turned to Daryl almost pleadingly.

This was the first time where I saw Negan feeling completely hopeless and out of control, he knew he couldn't help me or take the pain away.

'I'm not stopping until I find her' I said as I inhaled and wiped away my tears and I continued over the bridge.

'We've gone too far out, it's getting dark' Daryl said softly.

Negan spun round and said sternly 'she's our daughter, you go back if you want but we're going on. I can protect Molly by myself'.

Negan followed after me and so did Daryl after some hesitation.

We carried on walking for hours and hours, stopping occasionally for water and rest.

It was starting to get dark now so we agreed to walk along the roadside so we could see walkers better just in case any approached us.

I felt like I was in a daze, the only sound was the clack of my feet on the tarmac as we walked with no end in sight.

Our supplies were starting to get low and Daryl was right, it was getting dark and soon it would be stupidly dangerous to stay out here.

Negan persuaded me to turn back and just as I agreed I saw another abandoned car further up the road.

It looked like it had crashed into a tree and some walkers were around it.

'There's someone in there!' I said as I pointed it out.

'Walkers wouldn't be around it if there wasn't' I said hopefully.

Daryl and Negan ran over to check it out as I paced after them.

Daryl took out the walkers with his crossbow as Negan ran round to check inside.

'There's someone in there!' he said to me as he pulled open the door.

'Lydia' he said slowly which made my eyes widen as I came over as fast as I could.

He reached inside the backseat and carried her out, laying her on the grass as he checked her pulse.

'Lydia! Oh my god!' I said as I stayed by her worriedly.

'She's alive, but her pulse is weak' Negan said as Daryl took out a blanket from his rucksack to make her more comfortable.

I took her hand in mine and it was as cold as ice, she started to move and her eyes opened slowly as she looked at me.

'Mom?' she asked as she tried to sit up.

'Easy, easy' Daryl said as she lay back down.

'You found me' Lydia said wearily.

'I'm so sorry' she cried as she lay back.

I lowered myself down slowly and sat next to her on the grass.

'Hey, shh, it's okay. I'm just glad I found you and that you're safe' I said as I stroked her face.

Negan gave her some water and food and she started to regain her strength.

'Why did you leave kiddo?' Negan asked softly.

Lydia looked down sadly and said 'I thought it would be better for everyone at Alexandria if I left. No more reminders of the whisperers so everyone can just heal. I do love Alexandria, it's my home, but when you said that Alpha had died...I felt weirdly out of place, like I didn't belong anywhere'.

'I understand. I was so wrapped up in the idea that the person who had killed my sister was dead, but I didn't think about how she was your mother and how hard losing her would be on you. I should've known you weren't okay, that's my job. But, I swear to you, I will do better. I promise, we promise' I said seriously as she smiled at all of us.

'Thank you. Not just for saving me, but for everything else. You both gave me a home and I'm sorry it took me so long to realise that it is my home and that I do belong in Alexandria. For the longest time, I've always felt out of place, but now I know that people may call me a whisperer, but that doesn't mean that I am one' Lydia said softly as Negan and I hugged her.

'You're damn right kid' Negan said smiling as he looked up at me.

I was crying happy tears because I had my two daughters back and they were both safe.

We were getting ready to leave and head back to Alexandria and as Negan held my hand and helped me up, a sharp pain shot up my spine.

'Agh!' I shouted as I placed a hand on my back and I felt pressure in my lower stomach.

'What is it? Is it the baby?!' Negan asked worriedly as I leant on him.

I nodded 'mhm' as I shut my eyes tightly in pain.

Daryl said 'shit' as he and Lydia gathered up our stuff and said we had to move because he saw a large hoard of walkers in the distance.

'We can't out run em, we need shelter' Daryl continued as I tried to walk as Negan helped me lean on him for support.

'There's a house just down the road' Negan said as he looked around us frantically and spotted a shadowed building close by.

I panted and winced at the pain.

It must have been contractions and the pain was becoming unbearable to keep walking so Negan lifted me up and carried me in his arms.

'You can't, I'm too heavy!' I said breathlessly.

'Light as a feather darlin' he joked as he walked further.

Daryl opened the gates to the house and he busted open the door and checked for walkers inside.

Lydia held my hand as Negan carried me to the door and up the stairs.

The house was abandoned and old, the windows were cracked and the floorboards creaked.

Daryl secured the front door and pushed a bookshelf against it to hold it incase the hoard moved past the house.

He shut all other entrances and met us upstairs where Negan was laying down blankets and Lydia was taking out water and rolling up her sleeves.

'You know how to do this kid?' Negan asked Lydia as she remained calm.

'We had a lot of births being outside' she replied as Negan just nodded.

Daryl stood around awkwardly until he said 'I'm gonna keep an eye out downstairs, tell me when y'all done' as he walked swiftly out the room.

I started to sweat and I panted through the pain.

Negan removed my shirt and pants as I lay on the blankets with my head propped up on a pillow.

'Your water's broke and you're dilated about 4cm' Lydia said calmly as we were both in awe.

She sounded like a damn doctor.

I grabbed Negan's hand and squeezed tightly when the contractions came, it felt like I was being repeatedly shot in the stomach.

Lydia held my legs as she said 'I can see her!'.

I panted in relief as Negan wiped my brow to keep me cool.

I started to push and screamed 'Agh!' as I squeezed Negan's hand harder, digging my nails into his skin.

He just chuckled the pain away and stroked my hair.

'You're doing wonderful darlin' he said softly as he kissed my forehead.

I took a few deep breaths between pushes and screamed through the last push as Lydia said 'keep going, she's here!' and pulled her out.

I panted as my eyes rolled closed and I smiled when I heard screaming from my baby.

'It's a girl!' Negan said as Lydia wrapped her in a blanket and tied the umbilical cord with string in her bag.

Daryl came back in and said 'coast is clear' and immediately looked away when he saw the mess.

'Daryl I need your penknife' Lydia said as he handed it to her hastily.

She cut the cord and lifted our baby to me.

I cried when I saw her little face.

I held her against my chest as Negan wriggled down to lie beside me as he kissed our daughter on the forehead.

'Welcome to the world Zoe' he said softly as he smiled at me.

I smiled and asked 'Zoe? I thought you didn't like that name'.

He shook his head.

'No, after what you just fucking went through, you can have your choice' he chuckled as he kissed me.

'Hi Zoe' Lydia said as she lay down on the other side of me.

'Is that your big sister?' I whispered to Zoe as she opened her eyes and stared at her.

'How are you feeling?' Negan asked me worriedly as I smiled up at him.

'I'm perfect, absolutely perfect' I replied happily.

'How lucky are we? Our two daughters' Negan said as we all cuddled together.

While Lydia and I held Zoe, Negan jumped up to check outside.

'We should be okay here for a few hours' he said as he looked over to Daryl who nodded.

'The hoard might not come this way but that doesn't mean that it couldn't. We need to be ready to move if it does' he replied.

I shot Negan a worried look and he said to Daryl, 'my wife has just given birth, I don't think she's up for a walk right now'.

'We might not get a choice' Daryl said sternly as he and Negan glared at each other.

I sighed and said 'enough, if we have to go, we go'.

Lydia packed up her bag as I breastfed Zoe, admiring how adorable and perfect she was.

I reached back and undid the clasp of my locket and tucked it into Negan's jacket which was on the floor next to me.

I just wanted to make sure that Zoe would get the locket no matter what happened, I wanted my daughters to be equal.

I pulled out the locket from my pocket and gave it to Lydia.

'We found this' I said smiling as she looked so happy to see it again.

'It must have ripped off when I fought off a walker' she said as she put it back on and admired it.

'Been there' I joked as Negan turned around and rolled his eyes in reminiscence.

Daryl watched at the window for hours without sleep while he protected our family.

'Thank you Daryl' I said smiling at him as he nodded.

'She's gonna be a lil ass kicker that's for sure' Daryl said sweetly.

Negan and I chuckled as we held her in our arms.

Lydia was nestled under my arm and I stroked her hair as we all lay there in silent peace.

My bleeding had stopped and I felt my strength coming back after a few hours which was a good sign.

But, just as I was about to sit up, Daryl said 'hoard' as he spied it through his sniper rifle.

'We have to go' Lydia said as I held Zoe in my arms and Negan grabbed our bags.