#why am i emo i hate myself

[starxslvs]

[sherlock-is-ace]

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[evansbby]

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[itsva1]

Husbands

Husbands that look like they're being interrogated because it's almost 4 am and I spent my entire day painting walls

[mafiasliege]

TIG characters as MBTI personality types. (my guesses)

(disclaimer‼️I am new and kinda ship at MBTIs, but I really like them and wanted to make this, so I did. So could you guys mention what changes you think would be more appropriate and why? Also, pls share your MBTIs, I'm curious. Thanks!)

1) Avery: INFJ-A/INTJ-A

I really can't decide between the two cuz Avery's damn smart and calculative, can see patterns very well, but also very compassionate and a giver (and as an INTJ myself I can't really say she'd be that calculative as to be impassive, she gave away $28 bil, ffs). She can definitely be called as emotionally mature as she kept figuring out what not one but two of the most emo complex boys in the series. Although I would still harbour inclinations towards INFJ.

2) Jameson: ENTP-T

E cuz he's extroverted. Basically covers all bases- fearless, risk-taking, charismatic, competitive, driven and will do anything to be extraordinary. Also come off as impassive sometimes, but are really sweet and thoughtful to the people they trust. A mix of charisma, unpredictability, and analytical skills that can give a cryptic or “riddle-talker” vibes, along with an adventurous and experimentative nature.

3) Grayson: INTJ-T

I'm like 99% sure I'm accurate. As a fellow INTJ-T I've always had a love/hate relationship with him cuz i saw too much of me in him and also cuz i think i get him. I'm also definitely an INTJ (i took 3 different tests istg lol) and even I can't believe how controlled this guy is sometimes. He's also 100% a turbulent intj cuz he hates himself and and is too hard on himself. Covers all other bases- self-critical, protective, smells cap like a bloodhound, a bit anxious tbh, strategic, serious, and perfectionistic.

4) Xander: ENFP

He's very creative, thinks outside the box, and is intellectually curious in general. Great at comforting people and so so caring. LOVES talking. Also a bit sensitive. ENFP also has that youngest child energy. Definitely a lot of ENFP traits.

5) Nash: ESFP

Saviour complex + oldest sibling energy gives SO much ESFP. Also very selfless, life enjoying, and kinda nomadic. They are also smarter than people give them credit for.

[wormshirt]

As someone who uses a mobility aid and has muscular tension that cause me general body and joint pain and stiffness from the hips down on both sides what would kill me with doctor who wouldn't be the running it'd be the fucking stairs. They don't always have stairs in doctor who but oh boy when they do. I can run super fast and then inevitably injure my hips and suffer through it and keep limping along through the pain but if it's a flight of stairs between me and safety I'm so dead. If I don't take those stairs 1 step at a time my knees WILL lock or my muscles will throw such a massive hissy fit that it'll take me TWICE the time it takes your average person to go up those stairs and I will be killed or kinapped or put through some strange and unusual scifi horror by step 3. The doctor and I (limping) run down 50000000 hallways and we reach the end of a hall with only a reasonably sized staircase on the other end of it and the doctor immediately starts vaulting up the steps 3 at a time until he turns around and notices that I have stopped completely at the bottom of the steps to stare at him blithely. He starts trying to get me to go up the stairs or ask what the hell I think I'm doing and I slowly lower myself back down to the ground and cross my arms over my chest and begin reciting funeral prayers with a serene smile. The big evil monster comes after me and I am eaten. Badly. The doctor yells NOOOOO really loud and cries a little maybe idk and then is emo about it for like half a season until they end up back by the staircase in a season finale or something and it's revealed that the stairs are magic stairs that preserve the conciousness of any ugly ass bitch who hates staircases enough and the doctor is implied to have know this all along. and the doctor gives me some heartbroken major depressive disorder poster child look and a little speech about how they "couldn't have come back here for blah blah excuses reasons" and I smile sweetly and say "why the fuck didn't you have an emergency exit strategy or some shit incase the guy who uses a fucking cane couldn't do some shit like go up stairs super fast because he uses a fucking cane. Hello. Not even mad. Are you stupid. You are a timelord. Your people let your gay ass fuck off to who knows where because you're the dumbest timelord ever and they couldn't stand your stupid ass. I can't believe I'm stuck on this gay ass space station with this lame ass death for all of eternity because you didn't think that the guy who struggles to go up stairs would struggle to go up stairs. You wanna know what the alien said to me before he ate me. He said hey that dude you're here with sucks so bad and is stupid and gay and lame as hell. And I would have said 'yeah lol' but then he ate me. He ate me because of stairs doctor. Stairs." And then I'd stay forever trapped with my soul in that staircase just so I could spend the rest of enternity sending spam calls and telemarketers to the tardis phone. The doctor's investigating something outside an alien bar somewhere and sees ads like XXX Brittany Wants To Spend a NIGHT With YOU Sexy! Hot Singles in your area! Call here for a night of FUN! HOT SINGLE Xxeksifloryean Milfs Looking For a MATE in GALAXIES NEAR YOU!!!!❤️❤️❤️ and softly puts a hand on the posters and goes "I'm sorry I couldn't save you....." five seconds later jerry from *TOTALLY REAL* intergalactic statefarm NOT A FAKE NOT A SCAM calls up the doctor on the TARDIS phone to ask about the doctor's insurance info. Somewhere I kick an ugly ass step on a stupid fucking staircase and break my ghost toe. I hop around and start swearing.

[redstein]

My lips aren't wet from your kisses or anyone else at all, maybe from tears you make me cry

Time goes by and i dont know why this feel of emptiness pass by, he on the radio said "why put a new adress on the same old loneliness when breathing just passes the time until we all just get old and die". The only thing you say to me (wich is nothing) made me feel this way, i used to be cool about no one talking to me all day but you talking to me 24/7 and suddenly shutting it off is so fucked up. I know you're just busy like you said, or maybe you aren't, just seeing how you have time for anything but me (like, just say hi, is that hard?) maybe you shouln't have joke all those "jokes", call all those calls and say all that romantic stuff just to call me a best friend after making me believe things, now im just trying to put all the blame on you but even if you hadn't been such an idiot i'd be the same, 'cause you're just my type and it's fcking ridiculous how fcking pathetic i am for whinning about you all day, my friends are done with me.

Almost crying over songs someone else wrote about someone else and are stuck in my head about you (nothing like pete wentz to understand about being in love with your best friend, right?) like the one you said it was us when you used to have a gf and i just laugh it off 'cause it was one of your "jokes", but you asked where the joke was, shit like that is why i hate you sometimes, but my hate won't last, i can't hate you.

"I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself"

So, emo shit and all, now is where i admit i have to get off the fcking phone and go on with life.

[poohsources]

🐝  *  ―  𝑰𝑻'𝑺 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝑨 𝑷𝑯𝑨𝑺𝑬, 𝑴𝑶𝑴. ( a random assortment of various lyrics from emo songs. feel free to change pronouns if needed. )

❛ ��i know you well enough to know you never loved me.  ❜ ❛  i am finished with you.  ❜ ❛  you were the last good thing about this part of town.  ❜ ❛  so don't go worrying about me, it's not like i think about you constantly.  ❜ ❛  do you feel like a man when you push her around? do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?  ❜ ❛  take back everything you ever said, you never meant a word for it.  ❜ ❛  i'm glad i didn't die before i met you.  ❜ ❛  say anything, but say what you mean.  ❜ ❛  what the hell is wrong with me? my friends say i should act my age.  ❜ ❛  it's no surprise to me, i am my own worst enemy.  ❜ ❛  i'm sick of the things i do when i'm nervous, like cleaning the oven or checking my tires or counting the number of tiles on the ceiling.  ❜ ❛  well, you treat me just like another stranger.  ❜ ❛  but i don't wanna feel a thing anymore.  ❜ ❛  doesn't it feel like your time is running out?  ❜ ❛  i don't blame you for being you but you can't blame me for hating it.  ❜ ❛  and up until now, i have sworn to myself that i'm content with loneliness.  ❜ ❛  i'll keep you my dirty little secret. don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret.  ❜ ❛  and all the times you promised me that everything would work out in the end, you were gravely mistaken.  ❜ ❛  thanks for the memories even though they weren't so great.  ❜ ❛  i never thought we'd make it out alive.  ❜ ❛  i know somewhere, somehow we'll be together.  ❜ ❛  honestly? honestly, i can't remember all my teenage feelings. and the meanings.  ❜ ❛  the more i try, the more i lose.  ❜ ❛  why can't i feel anything from anyone other than you?  ❜ ❛  second chances they don't ever matter, people never change.  ❜ ❛  and the hardest part is letting go of the nights we shared.  ❜ ❛  you contradict the fact that you still want me around.  ❜ ❛  don't ever look back. they'll tear us apart if you give them the chance.  ❜ ❛  you don't know what it's like to be like me.  ❜ ❛  i kept my word when i swore that i would let you down.  ❜ ❛  so let's just pretend everything and anything between you and me was never meant.  ❜ ❛  and i fell for the promise of a life with purpose. but i know that's impossible now.  ❜ ❛  glad the future didn't fail you like it failed me.  ❜ ❛  but i wish that i'd never met a lot of the people that i've met. not because i don't like them but because i only let them down.  ❜ ❛  don't waste your time on me, you're already the voice inside my head.  ❜ ❛  can we pretend to leave and then we'll meet again.  ❜ ❛  let's just forget everything we said and everything we did.  ❜ ❛  i don't want to waste my time, become another casualty of society.  ❜ ❛  so i told her i loved her, and she told me she loved me. and i mostly believed her and she mostly believed me.  ❜ ❛  the truth is you could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath i'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt.  ❜

[incorrect-riordanverse]

finally reading tsats here are my live thoughts (spoilers, obviously):

i’m so excited because some pages are darkly decorated and its so cool. still don’t vibe with the title though (the sun IS a star and its peeving me)

why are we talking about dating darth vader 😟 where are we rn (anakin is a yes, but DARTH VADER???)

maybe i’m too old but the jokes are not funny 😭

“this whole place feels like my soul. empty and dark. dark as the pit of the underworld.” <- i don’t care if he’s joking nico would never say thissss 🙏😭 we’re only 10 pages in but please stop butchering my fav character he’s not himselffff i am cringing so bad

i know i’m being dramatic but if they do nico dirty in this book i’m going to end it all

oh my god i don’t think i’ve thought about the words “significant annoyance” in so long. bringing back good memories for sure.

i can tell which parts were written by riordan and which parts were written by oshiro. i don’t think their voices are blending very well together…

also, maybe it’s because it’s the start of the book and they’re trying to familiarise new readers quickly with the characters but it feels like they’re making nico the caricature of ‘emo and shadow and ebony darkness dementia raven way 🥀⛓️🖤’ and will the caricature of ‘happy and sunshine and blonde and flower gleam and glow ☀️🌈🫧’ and i usually like this dynamic when it’s not blatantly pointed out every other page. i have faith they’ll show more complexity than this later on though. future yan will let me know by the end. (future yan here, im not at the end but the characterisation def does get more complex thank gods)

oh ok so it is bob the titan

since when was nico’s actual name niccolo??? how did i forget this detail??

“you have to listen if not you’ll share my fate.” “ominous much?” <- ok he’s finally himself again guys it’s all good

the one-sided beef nico has with percy will never not be funny

“cookie monster appeared over the mouth of the jar, reached inside and gobbled up nico like the chocolate-chip cookie he was.” <- nevermind i’ve gone back to hating this book again

“what was one straight boy when you spent your whole life longing for the impossible?” <- i’m reminded of that time a few years back where everyone made ‘having an unrequited crush on percy’ nico’s whole fanon personality, so i’m glad they addressed this somewhat. this boy has been through so much and people really thought crushing on percy was the biggest thing to focus on about ‘nico angst.’

“we made a mistake. you have to fix it.” <- call me a red flag but if i was nico i would do anything and everything to not go. i would medicate myself so highly on sleeping pills that i can’t dream (doctor bf can go kick rocks). i would track percy and annabeth down and haul their asses into tartarus instead to do it. and if i had to go i would only go in to kill bob myself for sending me those traumatic ass nightmares. no thx. bro willingly jumped in himself and now wants me to save him. nuh uh.

not cupid being will 😭 its like his aphrodite 😭 i am not well.

they always have a really good and emotionally moving scene and they ruin it with a dumb joke. let it be heavy 👏👏

something’s really fishy and i have a feeling that it might not be bob calling for him

if this whole “grumpy ball of darkness” thing continues i will actually lose it

you can’t tell me the percabeth pep talk was actually needed. i will forgive it because i miss them though

im sensing tension in the gap between nico’s connection to the underworld and his relationship with will and i’m here for ittttt. give me the dramaaa

who is the gorgyra girl and why is she in their business sm?

oh shit a will solace pov??? christmas came early 🙏

nevermind that whole nightmare sequence was so fucked up 😭😭

somebody HELP HIM i never thought we would get will angst (nico angst fs, but will???)

DONT JUMP IN THE STYX PLEASE

SOMEBODY TELL HIM HE’S HELPFUL OMG

nico strangling epiales in his sleep is so fucking cool he’s literally HIM he’s literally THAT GUY

[hestzhyen]

Chapter 52 Hype Posting

Hi void. I am going to vibrate out of my seat. Oh I'm going feral, absolutely feral. Another WSJ cover and lead colour page next week already! Promotion on TV during prime-time in Japan! The insanely good volume 4 PV! Hokazono-sensei judging for a manga award! Kagurabachi's getting the push to be the Next Big Thing at last- you love to see it.

Kind of.

I want Hokazono-sensei to get all the recognition he deserves, but I also don't want the fandom to explode and become yet another annoying dudebro space. The success of the series is more important though, so I'm happy to see Kagurabachi get so much support. Everyone needs to know about this manga! ANYWAY.

LOOK AT THIS TROLL.

It's Chihiro's turn to have a creepy parasocial admirer now.

Hiruhiko's not doing this just for kicks, however- he deliberately (and successfully) triggered Chihiro to orchestrate his dramatic fall. Given what happened at the end of this chapter, I would not be surprised if Chihiro's literal descent is foreshadowing a metaphorical one of some kind down the line.

And this just breaks my heart:

Triggers Chihiro's rage then fucks off only to do this? I will not be mourning Hiruhiko's death.

Chihiro's not built for being a murder bot and it pains him so much to be seen as equivalent to someone like Hiruhiko. But he was taught to see things through and uses his hatred for the Hishaku to keep going. Revenge is probably the only thing he wakes up every day for- he wasn't kidding about that "fresh hatred" line in chapter 1. And neither was Shiba when he said living like this would break him. This kid needs a hug and a safe place to cry out the pain so badly, man...

More than that, though... more than anything...

HIRUHIKO'S THE FUCKIN' ANTI-HAKURI.

"We're equals", he says. "I killed my family", he mentions. "Let's be friends," he asks as he forces his way into Chihiro's life. "I'm the only one who can understand you." The hell you aren't you rat bastard. Hakuri's the one whose soul resonates with Chihiro's. He's the one Chihiro acknowledged as an equal and a friend. BEGONE, FOUL DEMON.

God damn it. Hokazono, I love you for making my most hated villain archetype into a character I want to see more of. I've never understood why playful psychopaths are so beloved but I get it with this guy. Smooth move making him the evil version of my favourite character in all of fiction, Mr. Author. Now I need Hiruhiko and Hakuri to face off over their ideals about who Chihiro really is. It would be the perfect reprise to the Sojo arc! PLEEEEEEASE. There's so much HakuHiro potential in this setup... Hakuri being the one to pull Chihiro forward again would be amazing. But not for his own goals this time- just to help Chihiro as a true friend and partner. Not gonna get too attached to this since it's just one potential development out of many... I won't let myself... (too late).

(Psst... 昼チ or 昼チヒ will probably be the JP ship tag/name for Hiruhiko/Chihiro. Ain't no way Chihiro is the top in this pair for most Japanese fujin lol.)

The Show

The main character of the play's name is Sasuke and Hokazono-sensei is a huge Naruto fan. So much so that he's taken his own spin on Naruto and Sasuke three times now (Enten, Roku no Meiyaku, Kagurabachi). Chihiro is, in fact, his OC donut steel character inspired by the most annoying emo ninja boy ever. I see you, Hokazono-sensei.

The Battle of Soshima might be a made-up title to reference the real historical event The Battle of Tsushima, which fellow Golden Kamuy fans will recognize. At any rate, there aren't any famous Japanese stage plays with the same name, so there's no direct narrative parallels to draw insight from (sad trombone noises). Fortunately for us Hiruhiko is a yapper like I hoped and tells us the plan pretty plainly anyway:

I relate so hard right now, random audience guy.

Hiruhiko says the plan to kill Chihiro's not a bluff. But he's not acting like he's intends to make good on that statement. So that means...

Perception vs Intent

Chihiro looking his best: stressed and menacing

This is gonna be huge I think. Remember what Azami said back in the Sojo arc in ch. 9:

Azami, please come back soon. I need you carnally.

Then consider likes like this...

Local violent gang member still pretty tough after becoming human shishkebab through a moving train.

Chihiro could be set up to tarnish his father's legacy.

The public doesn't know the true strength or capabilities of the weapons that won the war- they just know that Rokuhira Kunishige made them and they were the key to winning. So Chihiro dropping in on a stage play to splatter the audience with a headless corpse's blood is not a great first impression. He looks downright villainous in this scene. Awesome, but villainous.

The Hishaku are going to metaphorically "kill" Chihiro somehow. For some reason, tormenting this poor guy is absolutely vital to John's plans... it's probably more along the lines of Chihiro being a useful pawn to move around to create conflict they can exploit, but still. They're going to try to break his spirit this arc for sure. Leave Chihiro alone! He's been through enough!

I've got a hell of a lot to say about this but I need some key details from the next few chapters before going off on lunatic tangents. Fuckin' hell though, this is great. This is exactly the type of development I was hoping we'd see after Samura's chapter. Chihiro's committed to the cause of killing the Hishaku, who so far have been wholly unsympathetic villains. But killing is a wrongful act. And this chapter sets up that Chihiro might not be the sympathetic avenging swordsman we love him as in the eyes of the public- he appears to be more of a menace like some of the members of the Kamunabi accused him of. He might be challenged on his murderous modus operandi via a Hishaku-backed smear campaign. Seriously, using Chihiro's brutality against them to ruin his father's legacy would be so evil and cruel. I love it.

We'll be able to count on Shiba and Hakuri to make sure Chihiro doesn't go off the deep end at least. I wouldn't be surprised if Hiyuki played a pivotal role in helping Chihiro out this arc too, but I don't want to commit when we've hardly seen anything of her so far (my spaghetti sovereign... please come back to the main story full-time soon).

Whether or not I'm right (I'm not, I never am), Chihiro's murder sprees fueled by Fresh Hatred are going to get looked at in a critical way. High time and I am definitely here for it. Tell me what you've got to say about violent revenge motivated by grief, Hokazono-sensei. You have more space to examine the topic now compared to Farewell! Cherry Boy.

Shorter than usual but that's not a bad thing. I can always come back and edit this (came back to do so twice now already) or make another addendum post, but...

... Just choose kindness, people. For yourself and others. See you later.

[dj-of-the-coven]

Infrequently Asked Questions: Updated 1/21/25

Q: What's this blog about?

A: Despite what Tumblr seems to want everyone to think, I am not a twewy blog anymore. I haven't been for a while. This blog is a mixture of things that interest me, and those follow a general trend. I'm into alternative music and related subcultures, 90s & 2000s alt fashion, web 1.0, video games, horror media, and cool edgy graphics. I post about politics every now and again if something catches my attention, but most of my anarchy is done in person, not online. As a rule I don't reblog e-begging or guilt trip posts (e.g. "I don't care what your blog theme is just rb!!!" "If you don't reblog you're horrible!!") because I believe in at least trying to separate my chill online life from my day job.

Q: What kind of alt music do you like?

A: I listen to a lot of classic punk, 90s punk revival, grunge, riot grrrl, emo rock and nu metal, with a bit of death metal and heavy metal.

Q: What alt music subcultures do you consider yourself a part of?

A: I call myself an emo and a punk. I'm not goth, though I've been a fan of the odd goth song here and there.

Q: Do you dress alternative IRL?

A: Yep. I've been doing this since I was about 12 or 13, but I'm a lot better at it now than I was back then. I dress in a mixture of emo and punk looks, usually in black, red, and hot pink. My hair is split-died pink on one side and black on the other.

Q: What's with the web 1.0 obsession?

A: IDK man. Maybe the nostalgia just hit me really hard, but I think it's a bit deeper than that. I'm really fascinated by recent history, and a ton of that is entangled with the internet culture of the late 90s up to 2014 or so. It's cool. Besides, a ton of stuff that I like was in vogue during those decades, so as I do research I end up finding a lot of cool websites and graphics related to bands, games, and other stuff that I'm obsessed with from way back when.

Q: What video games do you like?

A: Action-adventure games with a focus on story have historically been my favorites, especially if they have edgy graphics and music, but I'm willing to try most genres as long as they're on consoles I own. The only games I seriously hate are gacha games and mobile games. And league of legends. I will shoot league players on sight. Arcane fans are okay but you're on thin ice.

Q: What kind of horror media are you into?

A: Mostly video games, but I've seen quite a few horror films on account of my bestie/roommate @g-l-o-w-y-l-i-g-h-t-s. Go follow them if you're interested in vampires. You will see a lot of vampires.

Q: What is your "day job"?

A: I am a volunteer at an anarchist bookstore. I also recently started work as a bouncer at a fairly prominent music venue. Most of what I do when I'm not "on the clock" is political research.

Q: What bands are you listening to right now?

A: Subhumans, Stiff Little Fingers, Superheaven, Deftones, Bikini Kill, Mannequin Pussy, Bad Waitress, Go Betty Go, PXNDX, The Story So Far, The Offspring, Linkin Park (the old stuff), Fall Out Boy (the old stuff), Blink-182, NOFX, Destroy Boys, Three Days Grace, Rise Against, Rage Against the Machine, Narrow Head, Breaking Benjamin, and like a million other bands. I have a lot of CDs.

Q: What games are you playing right now?

A: I've been replaying the Kingdom Hearts series with my roommate. Next games on the list are the rest of the Silent Hill series and Sonic X Shadow Generations. Possibly a replay of the ff7 remake.

Q: What weird outliers should I expect in your media taste?

A: For some reason I have a soft spot for dudebro stuff like the Beastie Boys and Team Fortress 2. Don't ask me why. I have no idea.

[jakeainthere]

🏃‍♂️

The MIGHTY PAW be upon ye.

DogDay RUNS your way and baps you on the face before running away again.

"GET BOOPED!!"

☀️DogDay (@dogday-shines-bright)

"GET BACK HERE YOU FIEND!"

He shriek laughs before giving chase.

[lazyrezi]

Tj klune books ranked by me based on pure vibes, re-read potential, angst to humor ratio and MY OBJECTIVELY CORRECT OPINION:

Tales of Verania - LISTEN! LISTEN!!! These books are insane and I don't even know if I mean it in a good way tbh. The characters are all on crack. It's both corny (HAH if you know you know) and raunchy. YES the humour is a bit out there and sometimes the sex scenes/jokes are almost too much for my virgin eyes. Are these books "good"? You're asking the wrong question! They're fun and you WILL have fun reading them!!! It's very self-aware, tongue in cheek also sometimes a little too cheesy for my liking.

Oh, also, there are lesbian and emo dragons and magic and monologuing villains and a prophecy because OF COURSE THERE IS. These books will not change your life, but they will make you laugh and maybe cringe and feel. I am thinking about rereading it for the vibes. 10/10 would recommend BUT ONLY if you can get silly with it!!! No doom and gloom!!! (Okay, maybe a little doom and gloom....)

Green creek - ANGST. WEREWOLVES. GAY POSSESIVE WEREWOLVES. FOUND FAMILY

(weird age gap relationships I'm so sorry I hate it too and I hate how easy it would have been to just not do that but oh well)

MORE ANGST.

It's been a minute since I have read these books but oh boy they had me in a chokehold for MONTHS. Full disclaimer I have not read the last book AND STILL I am fully confident in recommending these books.

Ngl there is more weird shit in these books than I care to list. IT DOESN'T MATTER. If the tales of verania characters are on crack then these ones are living in a straight up soap opera. People leave. They hold grudges. THEY HAVE AMNESIA? They have enemies as well. Buildings blow up, people die ohymgod the melodrama never ends and. That is. SO FUN. albeit a different kind of fun but still. Fun times all around. I have finished reading these books and immediately reread them which should tell you everything you need to know. 10000/10

The extraordinaries - imagine you're watching a movie where a scene is coming up that just gives you THE WORST second hand embarrassment - now imagine it isn't a scene in a movie, it's three books and it's every page of all three books. Just sheer unadulterated second hand embarrassment.

Now if you look inside yourself you might find that your feelings are misplaced. The main guy isn't embarrassed and neither should you be! Life is all about falling on your ass and making an idiot out of yourself in the process and it's okay! It's okay. At least that's what I kept telling myself while reading these books.

No, but in all seriousness. These books are good fun. The greatest thing about tj klune is that he will take ANY theme and make it gay. We have gay superheroes. Gay werewolves. Gay magical beings. Gay ghosts! I as someone who regularly wonders why the media I am consuming isn't more gay, am a fan. I want him to do it all. Gay cowboys! Gay astronauts! GIMME IT.

These books I will not reread because I fear I might just die from the second hand embarrassment. It's so bad. But! It's also good! Educational fun. Wholesome love. Some minimal melodrama. 7/10

Oookay. Time for the stand alone books!

The house in the cerulean sea - okay don't hate me but this ain't my favourite. It's everyone else's tho! So I'm sure there is something to it. I think this is what you think of first when you hear tj klune - everyone knows this one, everyone loves it. It's like the popular kid in school. I, as a stubborn contrarian cannot abide this.

Still there is a lot going for this one. It takes you on a journey in a way a book should. And I personally love old gays being in big gay love so I can't complain.

But I will nonetheless.

So the thing about this book is that it's very innocent. And there isn't much angst just a minor misunderstanding that is pretty much quickly resolved. The big confrontation at the end is also quickly squashed by *checks notes* people talking to each other? I mean. It's nice! I would like it to work like that irl. In stories however.... I like a little more angst and anguish personally. There are also a lot of kid characters in this one which is FINE tj klune is actually pretty good at writing kids realistically (even special magical kids) but it's just not for me. I say that but I will be buying the sequel next month so jokes on me. The whole book was just a little too on the nose for my liking but it's still a very cosy read. Also someone pointed this out but WHY is this book so British? None of his other books are set in Britain and this one is set in a magical world so what's up with that?

Despite all my complaints I have reread this book twice. I don't know either. 8/10

In the lives of puppets - first tj klune book I have ever read and seeing as I have since then read everything written by this man I think you know this one is a good one. IT'S SO GOOD. It has everything!! Robots. Found family (families always find each other in tj klune stories). Asexual main guy. ROAD TRIP. Wholesome fun and existential crises for the price of one! 9/10 docked a point only because I don't think I'll be rereading it again. Also the romance was a bit weird BUT! It did grow on me. Like mould.

Under the whispering door - you would think this one would be an easy 10/10. Doomed love story (also gay 'cause of course it's gay), lessons about redeeming yourself, coffee shop and ghosts and and. Honestly it's been a minute since I've read this one. But what I remember is the ending.

Call me pessimistic but I don't think love should bring you back from the dead SORRY. IMMA SAY IT. Main guy should have stayed dead! Think like "the love was there, it didn't save anyone but it was there" vibes. Expect! Here it did save someone! Ridiculous concept! I buy ghost dogs but I WILL draw the line at being brought back from the dead. (The dog isn't brought back in case you're wondering). And it's such a shame because I really like the themes about death and redeeming yourself and it has such good potential! Unfortunately it suffers a serious case of not-working-for-me. Listen can I explain to you why this book didn't hit the same as the rest? Noo. All I know is that I read this book and immediately forgot about it. And unlike the house in the cerulean sea it looks like so did everyone else. Seriously tho. Anyone a big fan of this one? 6/10.

[mocha-tapioca]

spoilers for drdt beyond the prologue utc

funniest plot twist guys actually wouldn’t it be funny if teruko was actually the rival this whole time. like if david (the guy we all collectively love and hate atp) was actually the protagonist because he still clings onto the hope that there is still some good in this world while teruko has all but given up on it because nothing good has ever come out of hoping for her. like what if this is david’s world and we’re all just living in it

okay i typed this all out for fun n i was gonna say goodnight but now that im like. writing this out. wait lowkey why is this clicking a little. something something teruko “i keep losing everything i love so i have no choice but to slowly rot in my own despair while shielding myself from letting things get worse for me. but i’m still alive anyway so i’ll survive quietly” tawaki vs. david “there is something (maybe even someone) beyond this sadistic game show that allows me to cling onto hope despite it all, and if that means everyone else including me will die then so be it” chiem

the ways they cope with loss—lashing out only to bottle it up in the end vs bottling it up only to lash out at the end—oh i love them. i love them so dearly thank u for these compelling dynamics drdt dev

is teruko actually the protagonist? she should be—we’ve been following her perspective this whole time after all. but at the same time she is constantly having her cynical worldview challenged by other people, like charles and eden and whit and david, who all cling to hope and happiness despite it all. for all the cast’s eccentricities, they have the luxuries of being able to wish for something teruko doesn’t have: a life worth living outside of this killing game. something that, as she slowly loosens up during this trial, makes her realize that oh, maybe i could have a future like this too. it’s something that i’ve noticed rivals in the canon games have too (maybe minus nagito but he was not someone whose personality i’d analyzed back in middle school where my danganronpa roots lie. also he lowkey freaks me out). maybe with these guys by my side, i can finally learn to hope again. idk power of friendship guys wahoo

david is surrounded by people who love him, who he encourages like a knight in shining armor—like a main character, perhaps. we don’t fully know how much of act it is, especially considering how this is chapter two and we got our current emo eyebag loser literally one episode ago. but what we do know is that he treasures xander a lot, though the nature of that relationship right now is unknown—romantic? platonic? parasitic, even? im not rlly into the drdt ship culture so i couldn’t tell u. the fact that david’s memories are also starting to return can help us assume that in both the current killing game and during hope’s peak, they’d idolized each other. could david be connected to the sterlings, that business family we keep seeing within the drdt universe? could the sterlings be the true mastermind and the reasons behind this place’s existence?

idk how to continue this but something something “i am the protagonist and i cannot die” seems like some sort of vague setup for a 5th/6th chapter death involving teruko that will involve david needing to take over. ties it back together for her essentially being the reason behind the first murder

[lunaatthezoo]

This took me so long lmao. I made this playlist of random niche indie/alt songs that I associate with acotar characters/couples.

I am so scared to admit this on the Internet but I am just not a Swifty or Lana girly please don't hate me 😭 I have absolutely nothing against them it's just not my vibes! Please don't cancel me lol.

Here is a playlist for my alt friends?? With a lyric from each song below. Absolutely not exhaustive, just random brain wiggles.

Wings/Teeth Playlist

✨ Calm Down aka I Should not Be Alone (Ezra Furman)/Marigold (WHY?) - Tamlin 😬 after Feyre leaves him (yikes)

~Panic-stricken, sweating in my bed/could someone help me down/So I catch a ride instead/Never ending movie playing in my head/Of the dress you wore and all the shit you said

~She dyed this coat with marigold/But the stain is still visible/This mess is not repairable/And the aftertaste is terrible

✨ Reason feat. Lala Lala (WHY?)/Wait So Long (Trampled by Turtles)- Cassian when he's pining after Nesta

~I've been carving my elbows/I might just take flight/Give me a reason to go there/Give me a reason, I'll leave right now

~I could never pretend that I don't love you/You could never pretend that I'm your man

✨ Dark Bird is Home (Tallest Man on Earth)- Rhysand after he is taken and pre-mating bond

~And suddenly the day gets you down/But this is not the end, no, this is fine/We're still the towers in the valley/Still winds down this dream/Still we're in the light of day/With our ghosts within

✨ Metamorphosis (Infinity Song)/Every Feeling (Ezra Furman)- Nesta

~ And sometimes I don't like myself, can I be someone else?/Someone who makes their dreams come true and drinks from wishing wells

✨ Two Lovers (Delicate Steve)- Feysand

~instrumental (also the song I walked down the aisle to 😭)

✨ Atreyu (WHY?) - Feysand

~ In health or disease/You're here with me/My salty eyes/You kiss them dry

✨ Seven Devils (Florence + The Machine)- Feyre Under the Mountain

~Holy water cannot help you now/See, I've come to burn your kingdom down

✨ Into The Shadows Of My Embrace (WHY?)- emo Azriel (😭)

~oh, am I clean?/lord, please, why me?/I wish I could feel close to somebody but I don't feel nothing

✨ I Wanna Destroy Myself (Ezra Furman)- Nesta after the war (😭)

~I wanna destroy something/I wanna destroy myself

✨ Can I Sleep In Your Brain (Ezra Furman)- Nesta and Azriel (separately)

~Can I sleep in your brain tonight, stranger?/Can I spend just one night on your mind?/I can't live with this pain, with this anger/And I need some place else to go

✨ Cosmic Love (Florence + The Machine)- Elriel

~Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too/So I stayed in the darkness with you

✨ Wild Rosemarie (Ezra Furman)- Elain post-cauldron

~And I thought about Wild Rosemarie/How that was who you used to be/How the wilderness sprang up around us/This dry desert heat

✨ The Gardener (The Tallest Man On Earth)- Elain (it's literally about a gardener who grows flowers over the dead bodies of his enemies and listen if that's not our girly in her book idk what is)

~So now we're dancing through the garden/And what a garden I have made/And now that death will grow my jasmine/I find it soothing, I'm afraid

✨ Soon It Will Be Cold Enough (the entire album, Emancipator)- Winter Court

~mostly instrumental

✨ The Letters, Etc. (WHY?)- Elriel when they inevitably have drama before they get back together

~How strange to be strangers after what we was/In a soft separate life with heart we held the center part of us

✨ Bangarang (Doomtree)- Night Court IC

~Wings, fan the flames/Teeth, with the fangs

[borderline-culture-is]

suspected bpd culture is. I think I direct almost every part of this towards myself. I can't recall really "switching" on anyone... but myself? I think I'm great and then I think I'm evil and I think I love life and then I think wow I deserve to die. maybe its also because im autistic and struggle to form connections to other people. with other people i'm like i just Don't Care. I Don't Care. but with myself it's like what the fuck why am i so selfish but maybe selfish is good no i hate myself no i dont derserve this, i do deserve this, i don't know how to feel anymore. i want to start drama to make myself feel better. why would i think that? i suck. i want help. i want someone to notice my pain. but why should i place that burden on anyone? just writing this feels like a crime yet i complain all the time regardless. i want to give up but i wont but maybe i already have in some way. i feel pathetic. i feel like im just seeking pity. maybe i am! who gives a shit! in a few hours i'll be fine again, i'll regret saying anything, i'll go "you were being so dramatic last night". and then i'll do it all over again. i feel impulsive like i want to ruin all of my relationships because fuck it! im a bad person! but my friends dont deserve that. they dont deserve me either because i suck. maybe i'd be doing them a favor, showing my true colors huh? so they can get away before i lose it. before i hurt them. i feel like a ticking time bomb again. this is why i'm afraid to ever have a relationship, i'd need to be close enough to say these things but then it would be toxic, wouldn't it? i'd be manipulative, wouldn't i? the only reason i havent yet is because im fucking aware of who the hell i am. i know i'm going to hurt someone if they get too close. it's just the truth. i don't deserve anyone. unless you can somehow argue that it would be fine. but it wouldnt. i'd guilt trip them. i'd say things like "do you even love me?" because the only way i can love is if i'm close enough to say those things, and then i'd say them. i feel like my life hasn't even started yet and i've already given up on it. no one deserves to deal with who i am. i haven't done all that yet but oh i would. i dont want to be evil i dont want to put someone through all of it. this was longer than i meant for it to be. i dont even feel that bad. just detached rambling. i'll regret this later, probably, i sound fucking emo. im just a joke of a person. hey, maybe someone will at least get a laugh out of me then?

.