#why am I talking academic journals right now

[talesfrommedinastation]

Your favorite member of TBB is:

Tech!

Because:

He reminds me SO MUCH of my (neurotypical but very logical) husband! So much so that my youngest pointed him out on the screen when I first turned the TV on, screamed ‘DADDY!’ and that’s how I got sucked into this show. He is one of the few ‘nerd’ characters that is also caring, kind, and reflective–just a treat of a character. I refuse to let my daughters watch the finale, but the oldest one got told the ending by a friend (she had no idea what ‘sacrifice’ really meant, until that moment, I found out 😣)

You identify the most with:

Echo!

Because:

I’m not only a mom to an Omega and a teeny-tiny girl version of Wrecker (PLEASE HELP ME), but I’ve taught a couple of classes on ethics and robotics. Being able to keep your humanity while in incredibly hard, tough situations is no joke, and Echo does it beautifully. Also as a woman in academia, a program director and a writer, I’ve had to deal with my voice being ignored or belittled, and seeing Echo deal with it makes me love him so much. 

Your favorite minor character from the show:

Fennec Shand.

Because:

Loved her in the Mandalorian and Boba Fett, loved that I used a screenshot of her in TBB to convince my buddies that there was an animated version of The Expanse and she was Camina Drummer.

They were not thrilled, but I thought it was funny. 

A TBB-centric piece or post of yours that you are most proud of:

I feel weird putting my longfics aside, but writing up my redneck neighbor Doug and his hot takes on the Bad Batch, especially how he described the main cast.

Because:

Because Doug truly doesn’t care and makes fun of EVERYTHING. But most importantly, that it’s made so many people smile and laugh (and be inspired, see further below) when we’ve been unhappy a lot recently. 

Link so that we can appreciate it:

A TBB-centric piece of art that slaps so hard you enjoy (and why):

Of course it’s inspired by Doug! @amalthiaph did this 9 piece that is amazing. Hilarious but adorable!

https://64.media.tumblr.com/9e8de219217877e5b743dee5fa451fa0/debe30dcc808a98f-4c/s640x960/65328be1074050b6c3a3066488fc9a4f34423d9b.pnj

A TBB-centric fanfic that gives you life you enjoy (and why): 

A one shot by @skellymom based on Doug’s interpretations, of course. I actually woke the dog up, I was laughing so hard reading this (especially Crosshair being the Gross Brother). 

https://www.tumblr.com/skellymom/727626634459529216/redneck-dougs-bad-batch-oneshot-background-bad?source=share

A TBB headcanon or trope that is 100% canon to you:

Crosshair is in a very weird, but very committed, relationship with his rifle, which has a lady’s name like ‘Jessica’ or ‘Cassandra’ or ‘Christina’. It’s his weaponized waifu. 

Color(s) you think would suit if Crosshair gets "Mercenary" armor:

Green, silver, and black. Partially for camo, mostly because Crosshair has raw Philadelphia Eagles fan energy. Win or lose, he’ll happily burn Broad Street to the ground. 

One thing you NEED to see happen in Season 3:

Echo going absolutely APESHIT. Everyone’s going on about Hunter’s Joel Miller era coming up, but after the intro scene of ‘Tipping Point’ and seeing how a turnt up, focused, angry Echo can obliterate a whole damn Imperial vessel in the time it takes me to reheat leftover Chinese in the microwave…well, I need more of that. 

Let's go @eyecandyeoz @commander-sunshine @moosethren @amalthiaph

Fellow Zealots of The Bad Batch, Unite!

Please share your answers to these questions and pass them on to some of your Bad Batch-loving buds!

Your favorite member of TBB is:

Because:

You identify the most with:

Because:

Your favorite minor character from the show:

Because:

A TBB-centric piece or post of yours that you are most proud of:

Because:

Link so that we can appreciate it:

A TBB-centric piece of art that slaps so hard you enjoy (and why):

Link:

A TBB-centric fanfic that gives you life you enjoy (and why):

Link:

A TBB headcanon or trope that is 100% canon to you:

Color(s) you think would suit if Crosshair gets "Mercenary" armor:

One thing you NEED to see happen in Season 3:

@wwheeljack @wrenkenstein @floundrickthewayfarer @raevulsix @enigmatist17 @slenderboo @echojedis @nika6q @zaana @wiseowl18 @toastyrobos @eclec-tech @jigget @destril @niobiumao3

[pookietv]

online embarrassment (part two!) | arthurtv

a dedication to @casualvanilla into bullying me to write a part two :3

being curious about arthur and his seemingly strange occupation choice, in your eyes at least, of commentating 90 day fiance, you decided that you may as well watch a little of the show, seeing if you could see what made it so interesting.

especially since you and him had been talking much more frequently, playing a couple of games of chess together most evenings, over discord calls and instagram messages

and your curiosity had definitely been quashed once you had watched as much as you could stomach of insanely dysfunctional relationships, exploitation and men going for women far too young for them.

so, with your newfound knowledge, you decided to text arthur again.

youruser: why is literally every couple on 90 day fiance either insanely malfunctioning or borderline exploitative

arthurtv: ah, i see you have exposed yourself to the world of discovery+

arthurtv: and in all honesty, that is kind of the grim premise of the show, a kind of strangely twisted curiosity makes us all watch them fall apart

youruser: grim is definitely the word for it

arthurtv: so are you doing anything tonight?

youruser: unfortunately, i have little plans that don't involve reading so many academic journals until my eyeballs fall out :(

arthurtv: i never even asked you what you study?

youruser: oh, i study politics with a focus on international law right now :)

arthurtv: no way! i studied law when i was at uni

youruser: when was that, fifteen years ago?

arthurtv: ha ha very funny i am twenty eight

arthurtv: ps, you're almost as dedicated to your uni work as you are to your outrageous bishop sacrifices

youruser: anyway, are you doing anything tonight?

arthurtv: going round to some of my friends house cause he's forcing us to rewatch the lord of the rings series

arthurtv: though that is fair enough because i have forced him to watch harry potter so many times

youruser: i've never even seen harry potter

arthurtv: WHAT

youruser: oopsie

youruser: just never got round to it

arthurtv: you need to watch it!!!!

youruser: it just doesn't seem like my kind of thing!

arthurtv: we can't be friends anymore smh

youruser: that sounds great! blocking you rn

arthurtv: shut up you

arthurtv: anyway, i had an idea, if you're down

youruser: and what would that idea be

arthurtv: i think we should meet up and play actual chess on an actual chessboard (and maybe drink a few bevs)

youruser: well, i mean, i don't even know if i should be meeting you, after all you are the Insane Chess Killer Man >:)

youruser: and if i didn't know any better, sounds like you're describing a date

arthurtv: hm that's a good point, i was looking for a new victim

youruser: are you referencing the insane chess killing or the date as the victim?

arthurtv: you can't see me but i am rolling my eyes so hard right now

youruser: okay, a truce on the serial killer jokes

arthurtv: thank god. what about tomorrow night?

youruser: drunk chess and a takeaway sounds good to me

youruser: the classiest first date

so that was that, he had texted you his address and to come round at seven so he could, in his words, destroy you in chess.

after a long day at uni and a slight worry, though you didn't know why, about meeting him, you started to get ready to go to his house.

since you were just going to his house, you settled on some flared leggings and a soft blue jumper, tying your hair into a somewhat tamed ponytail before looking in the mirror, making sure your light makeup hadn't smudged too much after a day of back to back lectures and discussion groups.

he didn't live too far from you, surprisingly, just a couple tube stops away, so you decided to walk, about twenty five minutes to his apartment, in a block of flats facing the river thames, and as you arrived at the building and pressed the button in the elevator for his floor, slightly picking at your nails with nerves.

what if it was insanely awkward in person? or what if he is a weird catfish looking for victims on chess websites? that seemed insane, right?

but your mind was working overtime as the buttons lit up and the elevator door opened, and you tried to unfurrow your eyebrows and look for his door number, finding it towards the end of the hall.

you waited a moment before knocking, bringing your hand up and timidly rapping it against the dark wood of the door.

when it swung open, and you saw that he was indeed who he said he was, or at least who he was on his instagram pictures, you smiled a little in relief.

"arthur! hi, it's nice to meet you, well, in person, you know..." you giggled a slight bit quietly as he gave you a friendly hug.

"you too! didn't know if i was just being catfished or something," he joked a little awkwardly back.

"me a catfish? i figured you would be a catfish, what would i even be catfishing you for?" you joked back, and he shrugged.

"i don't know, i don't get many pretty girls randomly texting me cause we played chess together so i wasn't sure," he said a little embarrassed, and your cheeks went slightly pink when he called you pretty.

"well, who knew that the insane chess killer had a hidden talent for flattery," i laughed slightly as he welcomed me in, shutting the door behind me.

he rolled his eyes jokingly, "hey, based on the way you insulted me with no remorse during chess games i was expecting you to be terrifying, so you can't blame me for being surprised at how easy you are on the eyes," he grinned a little, and it was your turn to roll your eyes in return.

"anyway, come in, honestly just make yourself at home... unless you're worried about losing to me on my own turf," he joked.

"i mean, i'm kind of impressed by your 'turf'," you giggled, "it's nice for a guy that exploits reality tv for views," you teased and he laughed a little as he led you to his living room, a chessboard set up on his coffee table, pillows on either side on the floor to sit on.

"hey, low blow," he mockingly warned, "i'd watch it otherwise i'll conveniently lose your queen piece," he said before quickly standing to go to his kitchen, "i have southern comfort and lemonade, if that's okay with you? it's kind of my weird speciality drink," he smiled.

"well, i suppose i'll have to try the arthurtv special then," i nodded in return, and after a few moments, he returned with two glasses, placing them at either side of the table as he sat himself down on the side of the board playing black pieces.

"so we're going straight for the intellectual torture of chess?" you grinned as you sat opposite him, "the girls must find it so charming when you sit straight at the chess board on a date, hm?" you teased in retaliation.

"oh shut up you, and prepare to lose, again," he smiled as you moved your first piece, "at least my view will be nice when i crush you,"

as the game progressed, there was joking smack-talk thrown between you and arthur, neither of you focusing too much on the game but more on the subtle flirting between each move.

"that rook sacrifice was not your best work," he laughed, but you raised your eyebrow at him as you moved another piece,

"or maybe i was setting a trap that you didn't see, hm, mr. television?"

as he captured one of your pieces in return, his fingers gently brushed against yours and you grinned, before swatting his hand jokingly, "hey, focus on the game!" you giggled out as he laughed in return and nodded.

about half way through the game, the focus had shifted slightly from both being heartset on winning to enjoying one another's company, nattering on about arthur's job and your degree.

at one particular point, you stopped, looking down at the board, tongue slightly poking out of your mouth in concentration as your brain worked as quickly as it could, trying to analyse the best move.

"what're you thinking?" he asked as he shuffled slightly closer, and you could smell his cologne, a kind of vanilla and cedarwood scent as you tried your best to ignore it.

"i'm trying to strategise, unlike some of us who rely on distracting the other to win," you teased slightly, and you could hear him chuckle a little.

"i'm plenty distracted myself, hard not to be when you look cute like that when you concentrate so hard."

you paused a little at the flirting, trying not to let your cheeks flush bright red, "stop trying to put me off my game, arthur," you playfully smiled.

once a couple more moves had been played, arthur missed what was seemingly an obvious capture he could have made, which would have put you at a disadvantage, and once you quickly realised and made sure your piece was defended, you tilted your head a little - arthur didn't often make mistakes like that.

"i completely missed that, fuck sake!" he mumbled to himself with a small smile on his face.

after a while longer of playing, and a few moves you didn't think arthur would normally make, you had him in checkmate, a grin on your face.

"looks like we're gonna have to have a rematch at some point," he looked at the board and shrugged his shoulders a little.

you narrowed your eyes at him a little with a small smile, "did you throw the game so we could have a rematch?"

"i think i may use the lawyer lingo here and announce that i refuse to answer on the basis that i may implicate myself," he laughed a little to himself.

[cookinguptales]

God, so. This is a story I haven't told in a while, so it'll probably be new to a lot of my followers.

This morning I got my kudos email and saw one for a fic I didn't recognize. I puzzled over this for a few minutes, then clicked on it and immediately remembered everything I'm about to tell you.

"Oh right," I said. "This is what happened the last time I fell down a research rabbit hole while writing original fiction."

The long and short of it is this: I used to do a Halloween fic exchange every year, and one year someone requested "dinosaur ghost." I was immediately like "that sounds fun!" and then, approximately three seconds later, remembered an article I'd read recently.

(This is me, unfortunately.)

A long time ago, there was this kind of mad rush for dinosaur skeletons to put in museums. (The Bone Wars, if you're familiar.) The Carnegie Museum ended up finding an Apatosaurus skeleton, but at that time, no one knew what that skeleton was supposed to look like. The researchers argued quite a bit about it and, despite the fact that they'd actually found the correct skull during the dig, attached the cast of a skull of a Camarasaurus to it instead. This skeleton had the wrong skull for decades until the mistake was realized and eventually switched out for the right skull in the 1970s.

This left me with an appealing, sort of whimsically romantic idea: what would it be like, if dinosaur bones are haunted? And what would it be like if two ghosts were being forced to inhabit the same dinosaur skeleton?

So I decided that I wanted to write this story about this mismatched skeleton and the ghosts that haunted it, but in order to do that properly, I had to find out what happened to that Camarasaurus skull after the Apatosaurus was properly reassembled.

Friends, I fell down the fucking rabbit hole. I looked at the museum's website. I was looking in journals. I was on Google looking at families' vacation photos so I could get a better look at the exhibits in the museum.

I was down bad.

In the end, I gave in and emailed the museum. Like... this is a weird question, but is there anyone who could tell me what happened to the Camarasaurus skull that used to be on display with the Apatosaurus?

I wasn't expecting a reply, really. Maybe an intern would email me back with an apology. If I got really lucky, a docent might actually know what I was talking about.

Imagine my surprise when I get back an email from an actual fucking paleontologist. He is not just happy to tell me what happened -- he is thrilled. He was excited that someone was even asking these questions, and I didn't even almost have the heart to tell him why I'd asked.

Now... I'll take a moment here to say that I am actually interested in museum studies. I'm super interested in the way we teach science, the way we teach science history, and the history of how we've taught that history. I took classes on it in college, in fact. I tried to take paleontology, too. I even took all the preqs and everything. I just couldn't get it into my schedule in the end.

So when a literal fucking paleontologist emails me to talk to me about these things, I sit up in my seat. I want to seem like I am On The Level. I reply to this man with my academic email address.

OH MY GOSH, he says. YOU WENT TO PENN? I WENT TO PENN!

Oh no. Oh no. I am in too deep. I am in way too deep. This kind, charmingly enthusiastic paleontologist cannot know that I am writing a quasi-homoerotic dinosaur ghost love story. He can't.

So I talk to him about my own field of study because I desperately want to sound like a real scholar and not like this is research for my AO3 account. (Even though it is.) We have a very nice conversation. He tells me everything I need to know and then some.

Apparently, I was right when I'd suspected that I'd seen a Camarasaurus skull in some of the photos of the exhibit. He was pleased I'd noticed. But it wasn't the same one that was on display with the Apatosaurus skeleton.

The real Apatosaurus skull was too fragile to be put on display, so they made a cast of it instead and mounted that on the skeleton in the exhibit. The real skull is being kept in the Big Bone Room, which is what they call their fossil storage. The cast of the Camarasaurus skull? Even though it was just a cast, it was still kept for posterity. It is also being stored in the BBR along with the skull of the Apatosaurus. And the real Camarasaurus skull that the cast was based on is now displayed near the Apatosaurus skeleton in the exhibit.

So both parts of the skeleton are now with a new version of their old friend, and they'll never be alone again. I don't think I could have designed a more romantic, bittersweet ending if I'd tried.

I write my fic. It's lovely, in my opinion, and exactly what I wanted it to be. It's about love and friendship and the sort of wistful affection you feel for friends who have gone and those you have just met.

I do not speak to the paleontologist again.

To this day, I am deeply relieved that he never found out what I was up to, but also sort of curious to know if he would've liked it if he'd read it. I took some extreme scientific liberties while writing my quasi-f/f dinosaur ghost fic (shocking, I know) so probably not. lmao

You never know, though! Some academics are into some super weird shit! Like me!

So I guess I always feel kind of wistful about the fic, too.

Anyway... Here's the Carnegie Museum's page about the Apatosaurus/Camarasaurus skeleton.

And here's the story I wrote about them:

Something Borrowed 💜🦕

[tettaki]

a peek into kisaki’s head.

tw: depression, thoughts of suicide, bullying, abuse.

Tetta’s brows furrowed as he picked up the find; a worn booklet thick with pages that had been scribbled on endlessly. He’s not sure why it’s in his office but looking at this book in his hands.. he’s 10 years old again in the closet of his room with a flashlight and a blanket over his head with the sounds of screaming, thumping, the sound of glass being thrown. But it was a distant sound— he doesn’t know if it’s because he’s gotten so good tuning the sounds out or if he’s teleported back and sounds don’t sound as scary as they did.

He had always been a smart child even outside of his academic achievements, he spent a lot of time by himself so he liked to journal because it had been his only outlet to express his feelings. No one had been open to him— no one had been kind enough to show him any kind of empathy or emotional support, so he had to become emotionally mature at a very young age.

Today is Tuesday.

Journal entry #276

I don’t like hurting others so I don’t understand why people like hurting me?

Is there something wrong with me? Or am I doing something wrong? There has to be. Mommy and daddy don’t like me very much.. they’re never home and fight so much that they forget about me. Yesterday was my birthday and I didn’t get a cake or birthday wish like the other kids at school.. It’s ungrateful and selfish to want those things but I can’t help it. Maybe that’s my problem.

There’s a something akin to sadness on Tetta’s face as he reads on— it’s bringing up memories and feelings that he’s buried deep in his heart, left for dead and never to be thought of again. Sad.. when was the last time he’s felt such a childish emotion?

Why does it feel.. good? Why does it feel warm like a comfort? Like he can feel his 29 year old self hug his 10 year old self? It feels phantom— like a spiritual phenomenon that he can’t explain.

Today is Thursday.

Journal entry #277

I don’t have friends.

I’ve tried many times to become close with the others in my class but they’re mean to me. They seem to only like me when I can help them on homework or on our tests.. but outside of that they call me names and make fun of me.. sometimes even hurt me after school. I overheard them talking about me during lunch but I can’t help things like how I look.. I need glasses to see! And I know I’m not very strong right now.. but one day I will be and I’ll prove everyone wrong.

I’ve always wanted to dye my hair a cool color.. I think I like how blonde looks. I’ll try one day. :)

Tetta smiles to himself despite the hurt— he did end up bleaching his whole head at some point in his early teens. It was a terribly done job but that was to be expected from a boy who wanted nothing more than to look cool.

Today is Sunday.

Journal entry #278

I don’t like myself.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m better off being gone but I’m so scared of being gone and no one would care about it.. I think that’s worse than death itself. I think I would rather be a burden than.. being forgotten about. But I don’t want to feel anything anymore.. Maybe I should—

Tetta’s interrupted by a soft knock followed by a feminine voice. “Mr. Kisaki, your nine o’clock meeting is waiting for you down in the foyer.” One of his assistants pops her head into his office. Tetta looks around and he feels like he’s back in the present moment again. He pretends like he’s not shaken up even though he feels a bit disoriented— disturbed and distracted.

“Oh.” He clears his throat. “That’s fine. Show them the wine selection and offer them a nice snack. I’ll be down shortly.”

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

Hey folk - I don't have a tip jar or anything for the blog, but I do support it and the general research work I do through Patreon! If you're appreciative of the content I produce here, even a $1 pledge would be a huge help.

This Patreon supports not just the blog, but the time I spend studying animal legislation, litigation, and regulation, the conferences I attend, and the formal research papers I publish. I don't get any external funding for my work, and it's all done in addition to my day job as a freelance fact-checker.

Right now, I'm working on three separate original research projects, all of which I plan to submit for publication in a peer-reviewed academic journal. Patreon funding is what pays for the time it takes to do this extensive, in-depth data collection and analysis, as well as write the paper and pay the (very high) fees to publish it open-access where anyone can read it for free.

The current papers in progress are:

An examination of all the different ways zoo businesses are defined in the United States, and why it matters (legally, practically, within the industry itself, etc).

An examination of the different definitions of an animal "sanctuary", and why it's so complicated and often confusing.

A cross-comparison of the standards and policies of all five major zoo and sanctuary accrediting groups in the United States, categorized by topic and publicly available as an interactive spreadsheet.

In the interest of total transparency, because it matters to me: I struggled to update the Patreon for a long time, and I want to recognize that- sometimes I feel like shouldn't promote it now, because of that past difficulty. When I was newer to the field and this work, I was really uncomfortable talking about work that wasn't finished, or that dealt with sensitive industry politics. I also over-committed on perks, especially with regards to trying to send out physical rewards (stickers). I put a lot of thought into what to offer on Patreon before advertising it again to address that. I've found my footing regarding comfort levels for what, when, and how much I share as well. I've committed to updating my patrons monthly - and hopefully more frequently! To those of you that supported me through that struggle-bus period: I cannot thank you enough. It got me where I am today, and I wanted to acknowledge that.

[transpersian]

Between the way Poppy seems to turn her community into potential partners, complete with being very territorial over them (it's no coincidence that Poppy's view of Milena, NF, and Dormiyu's partners are all 'they had abusive partners I didn't like') as well as how she presents herself as a grand authority on psychology and the mental well being of others while having no self awareness... I'd say you're doing a good thing here Milena. Also, for the people acting as if you started anything, Poppy's the one who started all of this by blasting her own personal life all over her youtube channel but hey; what else should I expect from a drama youtuber. Keep doing the good work Milena. Poppy's actions and words speak to her character.

Oh MAN the parenthetical here is SO GOOD.

WELL-FUCKING-SPOTTED ANON

Thank you for that VERY PROVABLE POINT, and thank you for the encouragement.

Not gonna lie, things are particularly hard right now. They all want to talk about this group being a "hate mob" when I was actively fighting that, but I've seen more nastiness and cruelty from their side in the past week than I ever have out of ours and she's fucking retweeting it.

The treatment of Dormiyu alone is so fucking vile.

They're already getting sycophants to weigh in with various reasons as to why they shouldn't read my document. The ones that do dismiss it as propaganda.

One literally says that me speaking negatively about them in the beginning sets the reader up to view it negatively from the start, like they all didn't just come into the doc with a mountain of prejudice from Poppy's bullshit. Also, god forbid I try to make points.

It's not an academic journal article. Yes, it has the goal to convey how shitty Poppy and Zena are (especially Zena).

"The callout doc seems to be biased against the people it's about."

Please. Let's see any of them apply even a modicum of this level of scrutiny at anything that Poppy says.

I know who I am. I know why I'm doing this. And I know bullies when I see them.

And the PZ fans stepping up have been fucking mean.

Notice how their defense is largely focused around insulting and demeaning and invalidating their targets?

Weird, huh?

[egg-emperor]

I'm planning on making a much more in depth post about Eggman and Gerald in the future because I have WAY more to say but I just wanna compile the instances of this certain funny fact about it that I absolutely love.

Even though Gerald was Eggman's idol and he was inspired by him and he had all these great things to say about him, he can't ever mention/praise him without praising himself/flexing that he's related to him in at least some way.

He calls Gerald the greatest scientific genius in the HISTORY of the world, and adds "that's my grandpa" like "not everyone gets to say that, how cool am I for that haha." Love how you can hear the pride in the tone of his voice too.

But he also calls himself the greatest scientific genius of the world as the opening for every journal entry and says he'll mark his own place in history as the ULTIMATE genius.

Because Gerald had his time with the title and status when he was alive but it's his time now.

He also literally says this word for word on the subject of Gerald again in Shadow 2005 btw, as a way to say he had his turn and now it's time for him to do whatever he wants with what he left behind as he pleases. Another selfish move.

Pointing at himself with the Egg Dealer's limb for emphasis lol

He also refers to Gerald as "one of the greatest scientific minds", the specification makes me think it's in a like “but don’t forget about meee, I am too~” kind of way lol

And with the proud "and my grandfather" again added on right after the fact, it's like he's like "AND he’s also the grandfather of the best person and greatest scientific genius in the fucking universe and that’s even cooler baby!!!" ahfjhkafhsfgh he’s so funny 🥰

And then in TailsTube, he couldn't mention Shadow being created by Gerald without bragging about being related to him again, as a way to praise himself for his genius by being related to him so it's like it runs in the family. Anything to give himself some of that praise.

(Also damn, the way he scoffs and says his grandfather's creation is the "SO CALLED ultimate life form" like that. 💀 Mans still thinks he can do better!)

It's literally just like Eggman with Sage. LITERALLY just like it. It's super funny how the way he talks about both further proves that he can't value/respect/praise anyone without making it about himself as the massive fucking egotist he is, it's 100% never genuine and selfless and I believe he's incapable of that.

That's why I headcanon that another part of why Eggman was inspired so much by Gerald is that being related to him also helped with his hope to accomplish his own dreams and always fed his ego to take pride in even back as a child. Because judging by the jealousy and selfish egotistical entitlement he says he's always had in the Egg Memos, nothing has changed.

Along with how it seems he only praises him from an academic perspective in genius and science instead, as his good deeds never factored in the reasons. I think a huge part of his admiration for Gerald was always about seeing himself in him for his genius and science and the pride he felt and it's why he felt so entitled to attention and power.

Eggman's narcissism, egotism, selfishness, and pride always factors into literally everything he does. He is the epitome of self-centered. I love how it shows in everything he does. Even with the closest he gets to admiring and valuing anyone like Sage or even Gerald in any way, it's for the pride he can have in being related to them in any way and the ways he can benefit.

This also goes back to how I said it's different when it comes to Maria because not only did he not create her like Sage, he also can't relate to her like he could with Gerald to any degree, so he couldn't take pride in her for the same way. And that's why he hates the attention she got- because he can't have a piece of that pie.

Also speaking of Eggman feeling entitled to attention, power, and anything else he wants, he uses his relation to Gerald to say that he's entitled to doing whatever he pleases with any of Gerald's creations as his grandson, including Shadow himself, which he uses as a way to demand him to obey him. This level of entitlement and selfishness isn't very respecting of his idol's memory, huh?

I bring this up in this post because along with the entitlement and selfishness, there's actually also some pride in there with the "it was MY grandfather who created you"

I'm gonna get into this part and more about how Eggman talks about Gerald much deeper in a bigger analysis post in the future though because I have WAY more to say.

But yeah god I just want you to know how much I love this asset of it for now, how he can't genuinely praise anyone selflessly and always has to use it to praise himself, even when it comes to Gerald and Sage.

But in Generations even when he has the power to travel through time and fuck with the past it's just like "fuck Gerald the only person as smart as me is myself" jhsdjkdjkghfdbskfj

Nobody will ever be as great as he is or matter as much to him as he does to himself! XD 💜💕

[amoremagnificentbastard]

Writer Interview Game

I think this one has been my favorite tag game yet. Thank you so much for the tag, @gilded-glitter!

When did you start writing?

I wrote the most cringeworthy American Revolution-era "romance" you've ever seen I think when I was about eight or nine? I don't remember exactly. Eventually I transitioned to writing fanfiction when I was thirteen, and I posted on FanFiction.net until life just got too hectic and my writing world narrowed to academic papers and poetry I scribbled down during writing club meetings in undergrad. I've been an avid fanfiction reader that whole time, though -- I may not have had the time, energy, or motivation to contribute, but there have been many fanworks I've enjoyed immensely and reread multiple times over the years. Especially once I found the good stuff on Ao3.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I really like fictional works written in the style of a diary. I find it highly unlikely I will successfully write such a work (besides my own journals, of course, although I've gotten out of my journaling habit. Sigh).

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I am going to be so real right now: it has been ages -- and I do mean actual years -- since I have read any books aside from academic works and fanfiction. It's sad, but it's true. If someone compared me to @aevallare, @shewhowas39, @kittenintheden, @bardic-inspo, @atsadi-shenanigans, or any other of my favorite fanfic authors, I'd take that as an extremely high compliment.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I don't have a desk, so most of the time I write on my laptop while sitting on my bed. When my parents aren't home I like to write at the kitchen table. (Obviously I can't write there when they're home because I'm not going to risk my parents walking by, looking over my shoulder, and finding, you know, smut.)

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Funnily enough, most of my recent ideas that I really like have come to me while I'm daydreaming in the shower. Another helpful thing I do is take a walk, talk to myself, and work out dialogue that way.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

It depends on which part of my life we're talking about. In my teenage years my fanfiction was very much centered on found family and the idea of sacrifice for a higher purpose. My poetry in college was centered on unrequited love. None of those threads surprise me in the slightest. I'm guessing that this time around the found family thread will likely appear again, but I'm not sure what other themes might appear alongside it. And that supposition might just be wrong anyway. I'm simply here for the ride -- I'm excited to see what emerges.

What is your reason for writing?

I write so I can live vicariously through the characters I write about.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Any that quote a line or passage that stood out to and/or explain why the work was meaningful to the commenter. But any and all comments are extremely motivating.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I just hope my writing makes readers feel something. If I can get readers to care about the characters involved the same way I care about them, then I'll consider myself having done a good job.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I think I'm good at timing -- knowing when I can spend time on a specific moment and when I should keep things moving. (I would much rather a reader answer this question, though.)

How do you feel about your own writing?

There will always be someone better than me. But I don't think my writing sucks, so there's that at least.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

I write for me. Do I want readers to enjoy it? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, this isn't writing I'm going to submit to a publisher or put in a portfolio. So I write what I want to write, purely for my own enjoyment.

No-pressure tags for @shewhowas39, @bardic-inspo, @locallegume, and @nyx-knox!

[wildelydawn]

Weird questions for writers:

3

4

13

29

30

39

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

This is definitely TMI but writing and masturbating usually happen within an hour of each other, even when I'm not writing anything sexual. On a more serious note, writing academically/professionally has trained me to spend 8PM-10PM, if not longer, writing/thinking about writing. It started off as "just spend an hour a day writing whatever you like." Having little writing habits such as 10 journal words a day, 500 non-academic words a day, etc also help. Having a desk helps too.

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

Hmm. I'm not sure. I like the term domesticated a lot. That's the only word that's coming to mind right now, I am sorry ><.

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

It's hard for me to write about large gatherings. So weddings, religious rituals, hang outs, parties, concerts. I find it difficult for me to keep track about all of that. It's easy for me to write about moodier subjects, such as heartbreak or lonesomeness. Writing about grief, sadness, and war come pretty easily to me.

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

Hmm, I answered this below, but I really do just batter my friends with ideas. Like right now, I just dumped 1K words of nonsense to Shou. As much as I don't talk, conversation does serve me well. And I mean it with the flirting/sexual banter. My conversations with The Woman have led me down some weird writing exercises/stories.

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

I don't think I've ever used dreaming as a substantial part of a story because I only have nightmares or do not sleep deeply enough to dream. I am basically carrying a sleep debt that has aged me significantly, so dreaming doesn't happen unless I am severely emotionally distraught.

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

Comments like this:

I am so serious when I say that every single one of these comments (and so many more) helped me pick the pen back up. Encourage your writer friends however you can and you and they will benefit so wonderfully from it.

thank u anon friend, u make me smile <3

Send me weird writer questions.

[badger-and-bee]

I’m tired of caring and tired of trying

If I didn’t crave academic validation I’d have no means of motivation

I burn myself out and set the bar high

But it’s still not enough

Cause at the end of the night

I still cry at the thought of losing what I worked for.

My new school is tough

Somehow harder than my last

And now I’m out of touch with my friends from the past.

I’m scared to make new ones

Because history has shown

No matter what I do or what I change

They’ll find someone better than me.

And I don’t understand.

I try to be the best friend I can be

I listen and i comfort and joke and change myself

So you’ll like me more,

Cause just me has never been enough before

I try so hard to learn and see

Why everyone is chosen over me

I don’t understand and I can’t say

Why they’re making me feel so much pain.

Cause if they fix it it won’t be true

But if they don’t I’m still stuck in my room.

I hear them making plans and I want to be invited

But how can I when I’m looking in from the outside?

I could open the door but what then?

It’s better to not attempt friendship than be rejected.

They talk about each other, their words harsh and unkind

How can I trust them with friendship when my heart is on the line?

So I eat in my car and keep my words to myself

Because it’s better to be alone than rejected.

I’m awkward and I don’t know what to say

How do you start a conversation after asking about their day?

They’re whispering and giggling

Is it about me?

Do I look fat in this shirt or is it something I said?

And my mom won’t let me stay home safe in my bed.

I like learning but I feel stupid in my classes

I could understand so easily before, but less and less as the time passes.

I refuse to cry where they can see me

But they’re everywhere

There is no privacy.

The only place to cry is in the bathroom stalls

But the entrance doesn’t even have a door on the wall.

I don’t want to dread school or be afraid to make a friend

It’s why I moved schools in the first place, isn’t it?

But still I’m here writing in a journal

Instead of talking to friends I don’t have.

And I don’t get invited out or thought of to begin with

But how can I be hurt when it’s my own doing?

My only friends are my parents and it makes me feel pathetic

I feel alone

I feel lonely

I feel tired of it all

But still the teachers continue to pile on

Onto the workload, onto the pressure

“You need to start thinking about your future.”

I’m barely surviving now

I don’t want to decide anything right now

How can I when I’m struggling to keep breathing

I want to be perfect

I want to make my parents proud

I want to be able to stop and look around

I want to have friends

To have someone choose me

For once in my life I want someone to choose me

But instead my life is school

Homework and assignments

I can’t even work to distract myself cause I can’t get hired

I’m tired and burnt out and I just want to sleep

But I can’t because I still have Bs

I have nothing else to judge myself by

I’m trying my hardest but the grades are never high enough.

If I can’t get an A, then who am I?

God, I know you’re there, but sometimes I can’t hear you over my exhaustion

Cause if I say I’m not fine I’ll have to open up.

I’ve never done that, not fully

No matter who I’m talking to, they only see a piece of me

Not even a counselor heard the darkest thoughts I think.

I don’t want to be dramatic

I don’t want to be a burden

But damn if only I could lose that weight.

Failure is heavy

Exhaustion is heavy

There’s too much weight everywhere- mentally and physically

If only I could get out of this abyss of misery

If only I could stop and breathe

If only I could sleep

If only I weren’t so tired of everything.

[nickgerlich]

Can You Spot Me A 20?

The last two months have witnessed one of biggest free publicity bonanzas I have seen in a long time. It caused intrigue, produced headlines the world over, even instilled fear, and all because of a new service that will revolutionize the world. It was free for the taking, a supposed answer to all of our linguistic needs, apprehensions, and inabilities.



Of course, I am talking about ChatGPT. Once more, I might add, because we already hashed this one out not long ago. It’s just that with what happened a few days ago, I am beginning to think the last two months were one of the most carefully orchestrated and staged acts of the digital era. Why, it’s almost like we have been played.

Because, as many already know, and I found out from several weeks of being locked out because of server overload—read: such extremely high demand—the company needed a way to resolve matters. Turns out the company has a solution: the freemium model, so typical of websites and apps for many years now. For just $20 a month, you too can have prioritized access to the writing tool of the century.

That’s another way of saying the last two months were the free introductory trial period, as any good marketer should do. And Open AI, the company behind ChatGPT, needs to have a revenue model. Everyone needs one. You don’t operate such a massive undertaking without some money coming in. I mean, unless your last name is Musk, Cuban, Gates, or Zuckerberg.

If anything, the fee will sift the casual freeloaders from the serious users. So I decided to let ChatGPT tell you about it all:



Query: Write a short essay about ChatGPT's new $20 subscription service.

ChatGPT: As a language model created by OpenAI, ChatGPT has been providing customers with valuable language-related services for years. Its latest innovation is a $20 subscription service that offers a more comprehensive and personalized experience for its users.

The new subscription service provides access to a more advanced version of the model, which enables users to generate more complex and context-rich responses. This means that users can expect higher-quality and more relevant answers to their questions. Furthermore, the subscription service provides users with the ability to interact with ChatGPT through a private chat interface, making it easier and more convenient to use.

Another benefit of the subscription service is that users will have the opportunity to provide feedback to the model, allowing it to improve and adapt to their specific needs over time. This feedback mechanism is critical to the model's ability to learn and evolve, leading to even better results in the future. In conclusion, the new $20 subscription service from ChatGPT represents a significant step forward in the development of language-related technologies.

The ability to interact with the model through a private chat interface, provide feedback, and access a more advanced version of the model make it an excellent value for anyone looking for a more comprehensive and personalized language-related experience.



So there you have it. A better, more personalized experience, all for $20 a month. Which then raises a question I am betting some of my students have already wondered: When will DrG use ChatGPT to write all of his blogs?



The answer, in a nutshell: Never. As tempting as that may be, you can easily see a shift in tone from me to ChatGPT. I intentionally write in a conversational, relatable style, while ChatGPT’s is decidedly more polished and clinical. It’s not that I cannot write that way, because I have about a hundred academic journal and conference proceedings to prove it. But I would much rather insert some of my personality in my blogs. ChatGPT has no personality, no soul. Heck, even Alexa has some wit and sass when you ask her the right way.

But for companies who need to create a lot of content, ChatGPT may be the new Excel spreadsheet. Heck, it will even write Excel formulas, but you get the point: It is a tool to be leveraged for frequent tasks that otherwise would take a lot of time, and do not need a personal element.



The evolution of all this is something that has sparked an invite to a colleague to be on a future podcast episode of BuffSpeak. We go into the studio on the 7th of March, with a drop date of 3rd April. She has dived into ChatGPT head first, and has some keen insights on how this tool can be leveraged and not feared. I’ll keep you posted.

Meanwhile, the bigger takeaway in a class like Digital Marketing is that the freemium model lives on. Every company has to have a revenue model, and while it is OK to give away some content, if you want the top-shelf stuff, you have to pay. It explains why we have free and subscription Spotify, two-tiered plans on Netflix, Peacock, Paramount+, and others, mobile games with and without ads, and so forth.

It’s just that few companies ever get the massive free PR ride that OpenAI got since late last fall. Spotify’s launch in the States was a big deal, and indeed revolutionized the way we listen to music, but it did not get this kind of attention. Streaming video services get big media play whenever they sneeze or make an important announcement, but nothing in comparison here. 



It just makes me wonder how much content we read in the future will have really come from a human or a machine. You can count on me writing my own material, but I bet a lot of social media posts, blogs, and web content we see in the years to come will be written by a machine.

All for $20 a month.

Dr “Don’t Take My Money Yet“ Gerlich

Audio Blog

[jlealyza]

It’s me, hi.

9:30 pm, it was when silence devoured the white tinted walls of the hospital and all that was left was the sound of a crying baby. Happiness and an overwhelming sense of love and affection were felt inside the ward when a child's voice came into the world on Tuesday, July 4, 2006– the day that I was born. My name is Jullea Alyza Polaron and I'm a normal girl with a normal life who lived and laughed until the day the sky fell. If you want to take a broad view of myself, it began with the way I lived during my childhood days.

I lived on the main residential street in the town of Bugasong. It was a peaceful when I first knew it. On rainy days the streets turned to puddles where we can play; grass grew on the sidewalks; children are having fun after their three-o'clock naps, and by nightfall, we rushed home. I always find home in the memories and moments that make me feel the most of "me".

When I thought more in-depth about myself, I started out by describing my family background. My brother was the product of my parent's first year of marriage and two years later I was born. My father, Larry Polaron, is a Philippine Navy who spent most of the time of his work outside of Bugasong. While my mother, Graziela Polaron, is a housewife. I have 3 brothers that sometimes I can't get along with because I'm the only girl.

Growing up, I always believe that we are not defined by the things we do but rather by the people we are and those we love. That is how I wanted to be defined. Who are you when nobody's watching?

I know myself better than anyone else. My heart has beaten about 665, 832, 937 times that swells with admiration. I'm one of those people who loves the little things. Like how the sun with deep colors touched the horizon and turned the sky so beautiful.

In values in life, some would say that our parents and school are responsible for shaping us to be a person of value, but I disagree. Because we are already of infinite value and they just went to great lengths to show us the right values that we need to carry in this world. All of the things I learned were only meant to awaken that value.

During my first four years at Antique Vocational School, I applied for the Special Program in Journalism which gave me some of the best years of my life. It never entered my mind to join SPJ until I randomly decided to do so. Being part of the pioneer batch of SPJ become a very significant part of my life and has changed me a lot.

It had a profound impact on me, how I put in a lot of effort to balance my academics with journalism. How I went to each training over and over again. How many candles I lit and prayers, I prayed. How many times I doubted myself, but still, choose to keep going and I'm glad I made it here.

I was able to step out of my comfort zone because I know I have something to move towards. To learn from and to grow with. No words come close enough to describe how grateful I am to be part of this. But just like any other chapter, this one must also come to an end.

It's true that in an instant–our lives can change and years later, life brought me here. I am now a senior high school student in science technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM). Everything will be tough but such is life. A lot of things are difficult to understand while I’m going through them, but every step I’ve taken has been part of the path that is meant for us.

I've been vocal about what I believed in because what will you fall for if you stand for nothing? I think excluding yourself in the fight to support something will thrive on mass inaction and silence which makes it complicit in the harm caused. It does not exempt a person from taking part in a harmful system that is why our voice must be heard and let us be part of the solution. I've also accepted that my quietness was some sort of a trap but I just wanted to hold some of the words tightly and use them carefully because I fear some words that may come out of our mouth. This is why I talk less. I talk to people but not as much as when I write.

I am also an adventurous person. Living in this life means living life to the fullest, right? So when something sounds exciting, sign me up. I just love jumping in, even if the results aren't always perfect. That is why when an opportunity presents itself, I don't take it for granted.

People think that I'm lucky to be smart and that I don't have to worry about getting good grades, but I'm not. I always believe that I'm an average person who worked hard for what I have now. I don't want to be crumbled under the weight of their expectations. Instead, I open as many doors as I can, and let the world close it for me.

There's something about living life deliberately, it takes time before you find what feels like a deliberate choice that reflects more of you. As for me, it is when I play my favorite Taylor Swift song; sing along to the lyrics; and feel the fascinating rhythm and the vibration as they change the mood around me.

It is when I'm watching a K–drama or movies that excite me and represents my actual mood. It is the way I eat my favorite, cookies n cream ice cream without any distractions, noticed every bite, and taste every flavor that covers my tongue. How the wind blowing through your hair and the heat of the rays of sun hit my skin and how I notice every small beautiful things.

We must always remember the value of never letting a moment pass by and treasuring each day. Every struggle we face allows us to rediscover the very good in ourselves such as the values that we have. Sometimes there's a big hole in your soul that you just have to fill up and if there's one person who knows you very well that will pick up all the pieces of your soul, It'll always be yourself. How bout you, how do you define yourself?

[thebadboyfanclub]

It’s Alright Darling (Sherlock x Reader)

Ok... Was this requested? No. Am I writing it cause anything Henry Cavill related makes me feel happy? Yes. Enjoy!

Being Sherlock Holmes assistant was something a lot of people would kill for and that makes it even better if you think about the irony of it. However, since Sherlock wasn’t a normal person to mostly everything he did, he had decided to hire a woman as his assistant, Mycroft called him mad and unhinged almost every time he brought up her name. (Y/n) was one of the most intelligent people he had ever been around, combining that with a charming personality was the recipe to success.

“Well, well, well I see my brother is full of surprises”

“Hello there Mycroft is so nice to see you again as well”

She spoke in an clearly ironic tone as she took of her gloves, she was never a fan of hats other than the occasions she knew she would be under the sun for hours. As she walked in the living room area for what seemed like their childhood home, Sherlock had requested for (y/n) to arrive a day later than the brothers, knowing that her and his older brother were like oil and water he chose to “prepare the grounds” first.

“Where is the young little Holmes?”

“Inside, talking with miss Harrison”

“Alright... who is miss Harrison?”

“Miss Harrison is an excellent teacher and a friend of mine, come to think of it maybe you should go in and ask her to take you as well... you might be a bit old but I’m sure she can make an exception”

Mycroft found (y/n) intolerant, she was dismissive, unladylike, mouthy and a feminist, he still does not understand what asset do she brought to his younger brother. She only smiled while sitting at one of the chairs

“I will let you know I was an excellent student in all my academic achievements, although I suppose you were one as well that doesn’t really prove someone’s intelligence or manners, right mister Holmes?”

Sherlock let a laugh be heard at (y/n)’s quick response, even though he would never take sides and sometimes wanted them to get along, he had accepted that it would never happen and simply enjoyed the situation.

“Amused brother? Of course you are as mad as her since you didn’t only hire her, you kept her around and brought her in my home”

“Now Now mister Holmes, what type of gentleman would you be if you threaten to through out not just a lady but your younger brothers guest, unfortunately you are just further proving my point about our little quarrel”

Before he had the chance to respond a young girl walked in, wearing a white undergarment dress and looking disheveled. The girl who (y/n) could only assume was the infamous Enola didn’t even notice her being in this room.

“No, don’t do this to me. Let me remain happy, I am happy here”

“You are a young woman now Enola, you need an education”

“Test me, on anything you think I need to know in order to be sufficient for this world”

“If she taught you so well, you wouldn’t be standing in your undergarment in front of me”

Silence fell in the room for a quick second. His disgusting answer to his own sister made (Y/n) get on her feet, Enola quickly let her gaze fall on the young woman that was now in her house.

“Why is that a problem Mister Holmes? Undergarments are scandalous for the men when a woman they are interested in wears them, she is your underaged sister”

“This is a family matter, it does not- I repeat- does not concern you”

“Of course it does not concern me, but it does concern me when a young girl is being held accountable for walking in her home, to her brothers, completely covered and still being shamed for it”

Enola understood by that quick argument the lady was not here because of Mycroft, so it only meant she was Sherlocks company, she is not his wife since if not invited he would have at least informed their mother, so perhaps a girlfriend?

“Enola you have no hopes of making a husband out of your state, neither do you... miss (y/l/n)”

“I don’t want a husband”

Enola claimed, raising her voice at the ridiculous claim her brother made. Even though they haven’t been properly introduced they had developed a mutually liking for each other, at a brief look they seemed to have the same outlook on life.

“And that is another thing you need to have educated out of you”

At that Enola turned to look at her other brother, Sherlock, who had remained radio silent throughout this entire conversation. Enola kneeled in front of him, as Sherlock looked at her and then broke eye contact to look down at the book he was holding.

“Sherlock, Don’t let him do this to me”

“You are his ward”

“Make me yours. Guide me. Teach me. For him I am nuisance. For you-”

“Enola. I’m sorry, but it’s out of my hands”

“Just like his cruelty to our mother was out of your hands”

Cruelty to their mother? No, Sherlock would have never allowed his mother to go through anything, he is a man of honor... isn’t he? (Y/n) felt her stomach tighten as she saw this tragic scene unravel, she hoped Sherlock would have accepted and took her in.

“She is not dangerous. She is remarkable and always has been. And if you still can’t see that then shame on you both”

“So remarkable she left you in my care”

Mycroft shot back. (Y/n) could almost feel the pain the young girl felt, you could see it in her eyes how that was an arrow straight in her heart. (Y/n) decided to step up and try to help, she approached the young girl with a kind smile and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Come on, let’s get you out of here to calm down. Seems like your brothers don’t share the same love and admiration you do for the woman that made them who they are”

“I am a self made successful man”

“but you wouldn’t be no man if the woman you frown upon had not broken her hips and went through hours of painful labor. Take that as some food for thought before you school me on my manners”

Sherlock looked at her in awe, as she stood proudly next to his sister and became the shield he should have been. Standing up for a girl you haven’t even spoken to or knew before this.

“Let’s go young Enola, seems like a woman’s presence is wanted here only when she does as she is told”

-

“Come in”

“Can I open this door and be promised that I will remain safe or are you holding a dagger and you are ready to take me out of this world?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, dagger you in your own household? I would probably wait to poison you a few days after we leave and write the paperwork of you firing me”

He smiled at her plan as he closed the door in her room. It was already nightfall and the only light here were a few candles, he had let her take a breather after the unfortunate event that had occurred previously. Even though he wasn’t the one that she went toe to toe with, his silence was as obnoxious to her as his brothers loud ignorance towards the female gender.

“You are upset”

“Of course not, why would I be? It’s not like you let that man embarrass his own sibling and talk down to his mother without her being in the room”

She had remained sited in the chair next to the table, a book open that seemed like she was writing on rather than reading it. He was aware she was holding a journal, he didn’t blame her for it, having a job like she did she was in desperate need of something to keep her sane.

“This is a very wary subject”

“I am aware of it, I just can’t seem to understand why not comfort her, try to change your brothers opinion, anything that will show you care for her, you do care for her, right Sherlock?”

“She is my baby sister (y/n), that’s a given”

She closed her book. She ran her hand through her  through her hair and got up from her sit, her hands going in front of her torso at a defensive demeanor, even when Sherlock should be cold or show his higher position to her, he couldn’t help but seek some type of truce with her, how could he not? She looked so beautiful even when she mad at him, the eyes he was so caught up in looked at him with fury, her delicate feature went harsh and she was dressed more... lightly now.

“I spoke with her earlier, she was in the garden”

“I know, I saw.”

“She asked me about you, asked me if you were my lady”

Her eyes went wide for a split second before regaining her composer and turned her back to him. She approached the window before she spoke.

“If you think of how she became familiar with me, she was probably certain I wasn’t even friends with your holier than God brother”

“You mustn't be angry at me”

“And why is that?”

“Because other than my sister and mother, I care for you and for your opinion about me”

She remained silent. Not only because she was caught off guard by his comment, she also didn’t know what he was talking about. Sherlock stepped closer to her, his steps making her heart flutter and her palms sweaty. He stopped when he was right behind her, he wanted to hug her, caress her, kiss her, still he was uncertain of how she would react.

“I still remember the night you got kidnapped”

Someone that Sherlock had helped uncover had escaped prison and kidnapped her. Luckily, she was retrieved safely yet again she was still shaken up by the scary experience, when Sherlock found her awake next to the fireplace she was so vulnerable and grateful to be alive she launched at him and kissed him passionately.

He shared his bed with her, in the middle of the night though she had gotten up and left, when morning came she acted like nothing had happened, barely even looked at him in the eyes for a week.

“Please Sherlock don’t pick at my brain”

“Why did you leave that night? Did you regret it that much”

“That night... was the most blissful I have ever been.... However you are still my boss Sherlock”

“That’s all I am to you? Your boss?”

(Y/n) turned to look at him, tears welling up in her eyes. Those eyes would be the death of him, it was with no doubt the window to her soul, that pure gentle soul of hers.

“What am I to you then Sherlock? This wasn’t just about me”

“You are.... what I never knew I needed”

His hands went up to her forearms instinctively, a soft caress that made her think his hands were made out of the finest silk, she felt goosebumps as he touched her. Her lips parted slightly as she took in a heavy breath, her eyes searching for a hint of a lie in his words.

“Sherlock”

“Shhhhh, It’s alright darling. You don’t have to say anything”

At that he slowly leaned in, his lips on top of hers at a shy and gentle kiss. Her hand went to his neck, bringing her torso to touch his as the kiss deepened, her entire body felt a rush go through it as they should the passion they held for each other with this kiss. As she pulled back her fingertips traveled to his face, taking in his attractive features

“I had almost forgotten how good of a kisser you are”

“Oh love, you will never forget it ever again”

[aquaticrunner]

Modern Academic Rivals to Lovers | Edmund x Reader

Request by @generalblizzarddreamer : Hey love! I don't know if you're inspired to write Narnia right now but could I have academic rivals to lovers with Edmund Pevensie? Maybe Edmund could be a law student and the reader is a journalism major? Thanks so much if you do it! | Word count: 2.9K

A/N: I did not mean for this to come out so long but I loved the idea and just kinda ran with it. I hope you like it! I had a lot of fun writing it. I’m so sorry it took so long but I’m finally out of school so I’m catching up on all my requests.

I stood up from the small desk I was sitting at in the university library and stretched my arms up above my head. I’d been sitting at this desk for at least two hours and still felt like I hadn’t made much progress on my project. I decided to go searching for some more sources and scanned the section closest to me. A book title on the top shelf caught my eye and I reached my hand up to grab it. Just as my fingers brushed the spine of the book, another hand reached over and swiped it. “Hey!” I shouted, immediately cringing at the loudness of my voice in the quiet library. I looked over at the thief who had taken my book. The guy seemed familiar like maybe we’d had a few classes together. He had dark, curly hair that had grown past his ears and an easy smile that probably made most people melt. 

“Hey yourself.” He said, chuckling as he started to walk away. I bit the side of my cheek in frustration and made the impulsive decision to follow him. “Excuse me, but I need that book.”

He stopped walking and smirked at me. Despite how attractive this boy was, it infuriated me. “Well, so do I.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “I saw it first and there’s only one copy.”

He raised his eyebrows slightly. “You saw it first? What is this, primary school?”

“Seriously? Just give me the book.”

I could see the smile in his eyes as he just looked at me and said, “No.” Then he turned around and walked away again.

I decided not to follow him this time and walked back to my desk, fuming the whole way there. He was the most arrogant and obnoxious guy I’d ever met and I didn’t even know his name. I tried to focus on my project again but gave up after about 30 minutes. I packed up my stuff and walked back to my dorm. When I made it back, I checked the time on my phone. It was only 8:15. Too early to go to sleep. I scrolled through the contacts on my phone until I saw my best friend’s name. I pressed the call button and put the phone to my ear. She answered after the first ring and asked what was up. “Do you wanna go out?”

I woke up the next morning with a slight headache and my mouth dry. I picked up the water bottle that I keep beside my bed but it was empty. I sighed and stood up. I ventured into my small kitchen area and filled up the bottle in the sink. As I drank the water, my mind drifted back to last night. My friend, Valerie, and I had gone to a small club and stayed out till about midnight. I had pretty much gotten over my encounter with that guy at the library. I looked at the clock at the wall and cursed when I realized that it was almost 7:30. I only had 15 minutes to get ready for my morning class. I threw on some jeans and a t-shirt and brushed my teeth. I rushed out the door, barely checking to see if I had the right notebook. I walked as fast as I could to the humanities building and breathed a sigh of relief when I made it with 3 minutes to spare. I took a seat in the front row where I always did and smiled at the boy that always sits next to me. I opened my backpack and grabbed my notebook, thankful that it was the right one. I opened the notebook to a blank page and sat a pencil next to it. I was waiting for the professor to walk in when someone else caught my eye. It was the boy from the library! So we do have a class together, I thought. I waited for him to see me but his eyes stayed focused on his path and he sat down in the middle row. I turned my head quickly in case he saw me looking at him. 

The professor walked in a minute later and I tried to refocus my mind on what he was teaching. This class was already boring to me. I knew that research and writing were important, but this class felt almost too basic. As the professor talked my mind drifted to the boy sitting behind me. I wondered if he had noticed me yet, if he was as bored as I was, or if he was paying attention and didn’t notice me at all. 

“Does anyone know the answer?” I was snapped out of my thoughts when the professor addressed the class and averted my eyes, hoping he wouldn’t call on me. “Anyone at all?”

“A research question is focused, complex, and arguable.” My eyes widened when I realized it was the boy from last night.

“Yes that is correct, Mr… ?”

“Pevensie, sir. Edmund Pevensie.”

The professor nodded and went back to lecturing. My eyes stayed glued to the boy, Edmund. His eyes snapped to mine and heat immediately rushed to my cheeks and I turned back to my notebook. Now he’s going to think I’m obsessed with him.

When the professor dismissed class after what felt like forever, I threw my stuff in my bag and rushed out of my seat. I made it out the door and thought I was clear and my path was blocked. “Excuse me.” I said, trying to get past.

“Avoiding someone?” His voice burned into my soul and I jumped back.

“No. I just have somewhere to be.” My eyes drifted up his chest as I leaned up to meet his eyes.

The corner of his mouth ticked up and he narrowed his eyes at me. “Right. I’m Edmund by the way. Figured I should introduce myself after you called me a thief.”

I rolled my eyes. “You are a thief. And I heard your name. Everyone in class did.”

This time, he smiled completely. “So…?”

I looked at him, unsure of what he was wanting. “So what?”

He stared at me blankly as if he was trying to figure out if I really didn’t know or if I was messing with him. “Your name?”

“Oh. It’s Y/N.” I don’t know why it surprised me that he wanted my name. Was he trying to be friends or something?

“Well, it was nice to meet you Y/N.” And with that he turned and walked away. Why is he always doing that?

I rolled my eyes as he left and walked back to my dorm, throwing my bag down in the living room. My roommate, Elle, walked out and raised her eyebrows at me. “Someone’s in a foul mood.”

“I am not!” I shouted defensively. She just looked at me and my shoulders sagged in defeat. “Fine. I met this guy and he’s a total jerk.”

Her eyes lit up immediately. “You met a guy?”

“Seriously? That was not the important part of that sentence.”

She laughed. “Well I can’t remember the last time you said the words “met a guy.”” She said, using air quotes around my words. 

I sighed and walked into my room, looking over my schedule for the day. I had one more class and a club meeting later that day. 

“Hey would you wanna grab lunch before my next class?” I asked her, walking back into the living room.

She shrugged, “Sure. I have nothing better to do.”

We ate in the campus cafeteria and I went to my corporate communication class. Now I was on my way to one of the meeting rooms on campus for a debate club meeting. It was my first time joining a club and I was definitely nervous. 

I walked up the stairs of the building and into the room that was on the announcement. A tall girl greeted me at the door with a large smile. “Hi! Are you here to join the debate team?” Her enthusiasm was almost scary but I smiled back and nodded as she handed me an instruction packet. “Great! Feel free to sit anywhere.” I thanked her and took a seat near the middle. Normally I liked to sit in the front but I was a little too nervous tonight.

I looked around for anyone I might know and noticed a familiar boy with dark, curly hair. You have to be kidding me. Ever since our interaction at the library Edmund seemed to be everywhere I was.

He was busy talking to a group of kids at the back of the room. He caught my eye and waved at me with a smirk on his face. I clenched my jaw and turned back around, facing the front of the room.

The girl who greeted me when I walked in had now moved to stand behind a small podium. She cleared her throat to catch everyone’s attention and I sat up a little straighter in my chair. She spent the next hour describing what the debate club was like, our meeting schedule, and how often we attend competitions. “Now there is a sign-up sheet being passed around. Please write your name and phone number on the sheet.” She handed the clipboard with the sheet on it to the boy on my left and he handed it to me when he was done. I wrote what she instructed and passed it to my right, not paying attention to who was beside me. Once everyone was done she announced that the meeting was over and we would receive a message for our next meeting time. I sighed and stood following the small crowd out the door.

“Hey Y/N!” I looked to see who was calling my name and of course it was Edmund. 

I kept walking, pretending I hadn’t heard him, but he caught up to me almost immediately. “Hey, I didn’t know you were interested in debate.”

I shrugged, “Well you don’t really know that much about me at all.”

He put his hand over his heart in mock hurt. “Ouch. You wound me.”

I smiled condescendingly. “I try.”

“You don’t like me, do you?” He asked.

“I don’t have any feelings toward you.” I said in response.

“Riiight. Is this about the book?” 

I sighed. “No. I don’t care about some stupid book. Look, it's late and I have to go. Bye.”

I walked away from him and headed back to my dorm for the night, trying to concentrate on my project. 

The rest of the week went by quickly with limited interactions between Edmund and me. Finally, it was Friday and I was ready to take a break. However, before I did that I needed to buckle down and finish the project that I had been procrastinating. I packed my stuff up and drove to the library. I spent hours there and by the time I finished, it was dark outside. I packed my stuff up and stopped by the vending machine on my way out. I reached the doors and pushed, but was surprised when they didn’t open. I pushed again and started to get nervous when they still didn’t open. Maybe there’s another exit. I walked away from the doors and searched the perimeter of the library looking for another set of doors. When I didn’t find any, I walked to the center of the library where the help desk was located. “Hello?” I said, hoping someone would answer me.

I heard a voice from behind me, “Please don’t tell me we’re locked in here.” I cringed, knowing who it was going to be before I even turned around.

I slowly turned to face him. “It’s starting to look that way.”

“Do you have your phone?” He asked me.

“No. I leave it in my car when I’m studying. Don’t you have one?” I asked, crossing my arms defensively.

He waved it in front of me, looking annoyed. “It’s dead.”

I wanted to bang my head against a wall. “Great,” I said sarcastically. 

“Maybe we can use the library phone?” He suggested and I nodded, walking around to the other side of the desk.

I picked it up and attempted to dial a number. Instead of hearing the phone ringing, all I heard was constant beeping. I groaned when I read the inscription at the bottom of the phone. 

Edmund leaned over. “What is it?”

“This phone only connects to other phones in the building. No one else is going to be here at this hour.”

“Well, guess we better make ourselves comfortable.” He took a seat on one of the couches and propped his feet up on a nearby table.

I took a deep breath and sat down in a chair across from the couch. 

He stared at me from across the table and I shifted in my seat uncomfortably. “Why are you looking at me?” I finally asked.

He shrugged. “I’m trying to figure out why you don’t like me.”

“By staring at me?”

Edmund laughed and I felt the tension in my shoulders ease just a bit.

“So are you going to tell me or not?” He asked me.

I bit my lip nervously. This is going to be a long night. “I never said I didn’t like you.”

“So you’re acting like this because you do like me.”

“No!”

“So you’re rude to everyone?”

“I am not rude! I don’t dislike you. I just have no interest in talking to you.” I finally said.

“Why not? I’m hilarious.” 

I snorted in response. “I doubt that.”

“You’re judging me based on one interaction. That hardly seems fair.” He said. I looked away, not wanting to admit that he might be right.

“Well it was one rude interaction. First impressions matter.” I said in my defense.

“Okay, well I’m sorry I took the book you wanted. I needed it for a project.”

“So did I.”

He laughed, but it sounded dry. “Whatever.”

I bit my lip, guilt starting to settle in my stomach. Maybe I had judged him too harshly.

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have judged you so fast. Maybe we could be friends?” I asked.

He half-smiled and I felt slightly relieved. “We can be friends.”

I smiled at him for what felt like the first time and he smiled back.

“Let’s play twenty questions.” He said, sitting up suddenly.

“What?”

“Twenty questions. I ask you a question and then you ask me one.” 

I curled my hair around my finger nervously. “I don’t know…”

“Come on, it’ll be fun. You can ask me first.”

I sighed, knowing there was nothing else to do anyway. “Fine. What’s your major?”

Edmund laughed. “Okay, starting off easy. I’m pre-law. What’s yours?”

“Journalism.” He nodded, and I sat for a moment, thinking of my next question. “What’s your family like?”

Edmund smiled and his fondness for them was written clearly all over his face. “I have two sisters and a brother. Lucy and I are the youngest and then Susan and Peter. We’re all really close. I don’t get to see them as often as I like but we text all the time.”

I smiled, surprised at such a genuine response. He cleared his throat and then asked his next question. “What’s your favorite food?”

I laughed and tried to think of a genuine answer. “Pizza. Yours?”

Edmund thought for a moment. “I love anything sweet. Why are you majoring in journalism?”

“Well… I’d like to have an impact on the world. I like discovering the truth and telling real stories. Why do you want to be a lawyer?”

“To defend those who can’t defend themselves, obviously.” He said, jokingly.

I laughed again and thought of my next question. Edmund and I spent the rest of the night talking and laughing. I had seriously misjudged him. He was actually very pleasant to be around. Eventually, we fell asleep and when the librarian woke us up the next morning I was embarrassed to find that Edmund and I had moved together in our sleep. The librarian apologized profusely for not checking before she locked up and then Edmund and I were on our way out of the library.

He walked me to my car and I grabbed his arm before he turned to leave. “Thank you.”

He looked at me curiously. “For what?”

“For making last night a little better. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I’d been locked in by myself.” In a moment of bravery, I leaned forward and hugged him.

Edmund hugged back and I could feel the warmth radiating off of him and his heart beating in his chest.

I leaned back slowly and Edmund kept his arms around me.

“Y/N…”

“Yes?”

“Can I kiss you?” He asked.

I nodded and Edmund leaned forward, immediately capturing my lips with his. The kiss was passionate and I could’ve sworn I saw literal sparks. I wasn’t sure how long it lasted but I was sure it wasn’t long enough. He leaned his forehead against mine and I smiled at the closeness.

“Do you want to go out tonight?” He asked me.

“I would love to.”

He kissed me on the cheek then began to walk back to his car. 

“Hey Edmund!” I called. He turned back to face me. “Thanks for stealing my book.” A smile broke out on his gorgeous face and I couldn’t help but smile back. “Anytime.”

[ddarker-dreams]

im sorry but this is a bit related to your studies.. have you ever feel like quitting it? or maybe having second thoughts about your course? if so how do you fight that urge/mindset? because recently ive been having those kinds of thoughts like "why did i pick this course? i could have just pick something like culinary or pastry or anything hands on"

oh boy have i ever 😭😭 you are not alone in feeling this way at all! the amount of pressure that is put on people our age to know wtf we want to do with the rest of our lives is insane. i remember that during my freshman orientation in high school, some lady popped up and started talking to us about figuring out our college choices/what we wanted to major in. like ma'am i can't even legally drive a car yet please calm down.

something important to note is that our frontal lobes (the area that, among other things, is associated with organization and planning, especially in the long-term), doesn't even finish developing until we're about 25. you will continue to improve in decision making/planning as you age and gain more experience. so even if you feel overwhelmed now, there is definite hope for the future. that's not to say the second the clock hits midnight on your 25th birthday your third eye will open and you'll automatically know what trajectory to set your life on, but i think this is important to take into consideration. your brain is still downloading! 

okay okay. neuroscience part over. this is part is all my personal conjecture.

first and foremost: what you’re experiencing is perfectly normal. in my case, i went from wanting to be apart of the journalism field, to having my heart set on script writing, then shifting that over to general creative writing, then shifting AGAIN to psychology, then once more to criminal psychology. where i am for the moment . even now i’m like what do i do ?? correctional counseling in prison systems? counseling specifically for traumatized women? working at human trafficking safehouses or sticking to volunteering ????? idk. life is confusing. 

i wouldn’t shoo those thoughts away or try to burry them, instead, i’d try maybe reframing it? like, if you try this class out and decide that it isn’t for you, that’s okay, there is still value to be gleaned from the experience. that’s how i would challenge myself to look at it at least. for example, i was tilted when i learned i needed to take math classes in college when my goal is to help people . not use the pythagorean theorem or w/e. then my academic advisor pointed out that statistics is important for psychology, since in academic papers/journals, numerical data is often present. you gotta be able to make sense of that stuff. when i looked at it from that point of view, i was slightly less tilted. at least enough to stop huffing about it. 

tl;dr: don’t beat yourself up for feeling confused over if the path you’re set on is right/wrong. there’s value to be found in every learning experience. besides, it’s not so much a “path” that you’re carving out for yourself than a stepping stone that can change direction. you’re not softlocked into any single, designated role. i’ve had friends change majors 3-4 years down the line.  

i hope this mess of a response was able to serve as some encouragement to you HJEKTGMR i’m very passionate about this problem since i myself have suffered from it and i know many people who have too . i’m wishing you the best of luck! 

[pompompurin1028]

Heyyy 🥰

Okay okay, a thought: Dazai has a similar mind to Mori's, but the day Oda dies he decides to let his emotions influence his decisicion. Which means he's actually a highly emotional person, right? But what if part from his great suffering comes from him not being able to UNDERSTAND all his emotions. What if he has a sky-high analytical intelligence and is therefore skilled at deciphering other peoples' emotions, but can't seem to understand and hence accept himself?

Summary: Dazai is an highly emotional person? And his intense emotions are what is causing his suffering?

Ooo this is a very interesting thought Jade!!😌

Mori and Dazai are definitely quite similar, they are complex and intelligent characters that are seemingly logic driven with the tendency to look at the whole picture of a situation!

But I actually do highly agree with you that Dazai is actually a highly emotional person🤔 I have always felt that about him. But I don't believe that I have enough evidence to support my claim unfortunately, at least canonical evidence, but I will still talk about my thoughts below cause I’ve been thinking about this a lot. But my belief is actually opposite to yours, I believe that his suffering comes from being too sensitive to his emotions and understanding and feeling them too deeply. But I would love to hear your thoughts as well after reading this!

We can see this with Oda of course, as you’ve said! The fact that Oda's words and his death alone is able to drive him out of the mafia, despite not really knowing about what the future could hold and all the uncertain factors that could happen if he left the mafia, somewhere where he is extremely familiar with to one that is unpredictable kinda shows that he is an emotional person. Because this is definitely not a rational decision, and as you said one driven by emotions.

Another thing that I think might have actually shown that he may actually be, originally, an emotional person is that he numbs himself of emotions. Yes perhaps it may seen paradoxical, but sensitive people are actually more prone to suffering from emotional numbness surprisingly, or so I've read. Because it is in human nature to defend against pain, and with emotional sensitive and intense people, it is extremely easy to be able to feel everything around them. And I personally believe Dazai is actually a sensitive person (I will talk about why I feel this more later), and this coupled with his high intelligence is extremely self destructive to him. 

This is because as you said he has a sky-high analytical intelligence, I mean he is able to at a young age of 15/14 to understand the idea that there is no point in the act of living. He is able to see the deepest truth in life, and a knowledge of the universe beyond our common understanding that some of us are not even able to comprehend in a lifetime, thus showcasing his absolutely high analytical ability. But the understanding of the hopelessness of the world, and the lack of a meaning in living in this life is what is hurting him the most, especially if he is extremely sensitive. This would explain his utter hopelessness and emptiness he feels. Also may explain why his emotions are stunted or seemingly so, as it may actually be his own mind using it as a self-defense mechanism to prevent further sources of pain and suffering. 

This can also be supported by a quote from Dazai-sensei himself in one of the short stories from Blue Bamboo (I believe it is The Samurai and the Mermaid) which says “how I envy those self-satisfied commoners who, seeing nothing and comprehending nothing are convinced they know it all. There are in this world things of such mysteries and awesome beauty that the small minded cannot even imagine them. There are, yet he who discovers them risk falling into a bottomless hell”.

Him being highly emotional could also explain why he is such a good strategist, as we’ve seen throughout the anime. Dazai in his plans doesn’t simply manipulate people to do what he wants them to do, I’m not saying he doesn’t because it can definitely be seen that he does in a few different cases. But in a lot of scenarios especially in his long term plans, we actually also see him predicting how other people will react to different situations presented to them rather than him guiding them like pawns on a chessboard to establish his plans. (Prime example of this is his plan with Chuuya in Dead Apple). 

So the main question you may be asking right now then is probably, where did the assumption that he is emotionally sensitive come from in the first place then? I have this assumption because Dazai-sensei himself is a very emotionally sensitive person, this can also be observed in No Longer Human as well. 

One of the quotes from No Longer Human that could support this is “The weak fear happiness itself. They can harm themselves on cotton wool. Sometimes they are wounded even by happiness”. You can also see it subtly in this quote "For someone like myself in whom the ability to trust others is so cracked and broken that I am wretchedly timid and am forever trying to read the expression on people's faces”. The fact that he is always trying to read the expression on other people’s faces shows that he fears rejection, and is extremely anxious about how other people see him and view him, but also at the same time craves acceptance.

“I have always shook with fright before human beings. Unable as I was to feel the least particle of confidence in my ability to speak and act like a human being, I kept my solitary agonies locked in my breast. I kept my melancholy and my agitation hidden, careful lest any trace should be left exposed. I feigned an innocent optimism; I gradually perfected myself in the role of the farcical eccentric.” Here’s another quote from No Longer Human, once again fearing and is extremely anxious of what others think about him and seems to be sensitive to criticism and being called out as an outsider, and being different, and the mask that he wears is actually a defense mechanism used to protect himself.

Of course No Longer Human is not the only source that shows Dazai-sensei’s sensitivity. Other short stories have also showcases similar themes such as this. His short story 《候鳥》 I wasn't able to find the English equivalent wrote 「太敏感的人會體諒到他人的痛苦，自然就無法輕易做到坦率。所謂的坦率，其實就是暴力。」 It means people who are too sensitive can understand the pain of others, naturally they are unable to be frank. For "frankness" is equivalent to violence.

I also remember somewhere it talked about Dazai-sensei being too anxious to visit someone as well and was pacing outside of their house? I don't remember where I read it though and I can't find it again😭

Therefore from these many examples, I have a few that Dazai is actually a sensitive person judging by how much he is also described as such in other articles; and Yozo as well in academic journals and articles I have read.

And so I believe that he may be able to feel emotions quite deeply, not only that but also understand the world deeply as well. And it is this deep understanding that is the source of his despair, his difference from other humans, because they are not able to understand him on that level. It is actually the fact the he might be too human that he ceased to become human. But the reason why I am still thinking about whether or not this is true is mainly because how he treated Akutagawa, which I feel doesn’t really fit this idea.