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WIP Whenever

Thank you to @mellybaggins for the tag! I'm very much looking forward to reading your Oathbreaker update tonight, my dear.

No-pressure tagging @atsadi-shenanigans, @kalmiaphlox, @serenbriar, @honeybummer, and @denesmera if any of y'all would like to post a snippet!

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Last Line Game

Thanks to @hellethil for the tag! blowing kisses

Edit: @anacdoce, @eraserspiral, and @dramatiquechipmunk also tagged me! Thank you, loves!

All at once Leilani's snarl drops, and her eyebrows jump with interest. “Really?”

No-pressure tagging @astarioffsimpmain, @spacesunderstairs, @again-please, and @thecosyblue if any of y'all lovely people would like to play!

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wip wednesday 📝

thank you @amoremagnificentbastard @dramatiquechipmunk @andromedaancunin and @xxnashiraxx for the recent tags 🥰

I come bearing some silly smut from the upcoming chapter of my AU ❤️ fighting the war on porn on the side of porn

no-pressure tags: @funniestbitchinfaerun @deadly-diminuendo @roguishcat @nerdallwritey @verbenaa

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Last Line Game!

Thanks for the tag @alliskit <3

Slightly longer than a line, too stubby to be a snippet. So uh, here’s a lil nugget from the next chapter of the longfic!

And I’ll tag @atsadi-shenanigans @bardic-inspo @brain-rot-central

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I just realized something about this line.

Astarion is an elf. Elves can see clearly in the dark because of their darkvision.

But only in gray tones.

This elf, who has been living in the dark out of necessity, hasn't seen one iota of color. For two. Hundred. Years.

Until his escape.

I'm sure somebody more well-versed in DND lore probably realized this ages and ages ago but I'm still fairly new to this world and I, for one, am now sad.

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WIP Wednesday

I am starting to poke at Aeterna Nostalgia again 👀

“Raphael has been dead for nearly as long as you’ve been a vampire,” Astarion sighs, heaving a momentous eyeroll. “It was so very delicious, killing him together. Our first bloodbath after you joined me in immortality. I wish you could remember it now. You are breathtaking in red.” Naomi swallows hard, matching the heat of his gaze with a cold one. She can see her own image in his irises, drowning in that crimson color. Somewhere in the parry and swipe of their exchange, they’d ended up a breath apart again. Her every habitual inhale is steeped in him -- bergamot, brandy, and rosemary swirling across her senses. The vampire must’ve crept closer. He leans back first, before she has a chance to.

Edit: tagging some folks if you wanna share something you're working on! No worries if not. @tragedybunny, @hellethil, @peascrabbles, @deadly-diminuendo, and @vixstarria 💜

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WIP Whenever

Thank you to @littlehouseofimagination and @mellybaggins for tagging me — I'm very glad to have a snippet!

Edit: @saucy-scribbler tagged me, too! Thanks, darling!

No-pressure tagging @vividiana, @vixstarria, @amidtheflowers, @denesmera, and @yennefer-of-vengerbergs if y'all have anything you'd like to share!

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✨️ people I'd like to know better ✨️

Tagged by @brain-rot-central, @tynithia, @mellybaggins, @eraserspiral, @deadly-diminuendo, @spacesunderstairs, and @gilded-glitter. Thank you all. Sorry I'm so late.

Edit: @yennefer-of-vengerbergs and @dbglow also tagged me!

☀️ Fun Fact: I hate Calibri with a burning passion. Times New Roman or bust, thank you.

🎵 Last Song on Repeat: "Sunny," by Intended Immigration.

🎥 Currently Watching: Nothing at the moment.

🎬 Last Movie: Kpop Demon Hunters.

📖 Currently Reading: Well, two favorite fics of mine updated today. I've read the update to No Good Deeds, by GarnettGibson. I haven't read the update to Crimson Marriage by Lady_Alicee yet. Highly recommend to any and all A!A fans – they're delicious fics and I wish the authors were on Tumblr so I could tag them. Sad.

🎮 Currently Playing: Slowly but surely working through my first BG3 playthrough! It's been over a year at this point, but I will finish this game.

🍫 Sweet/Spicy/Savory: Sweet.

💔 Relationship Status: Single and prooooooobably not ready to mingle.

🧠 Current Obsession: BG3. Astarion. The hyperfixation is simply here to stay, my friends.

🔍 Last Google Search: My actual last search would dox me, so I'll give you my second-to-last search: "vocelli"

🎨 Currently Working On: I am trying. Very hard. To complete a chapter of my longfic.

🏝️ Currently Looking Forward To: Exploring my new home and meeting the online friends I have who live close by! And posting the longfic, too. That's very important.

No-pressure tagging @atsadi-shenanigans, @honeybummer, @pinkiezee, @anacdoce, @astarionsdivacup, @kalmiaphlox, @arzen9, @lyzelky, @akidama, and @littlehouseofimagination. Apologies for any double tags!

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He’s been down by the river ˖ ࣪ ⟡˚.⋆ ☆

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The first fic I read from you was i'll peel my heart like a pomegranate if you promise it won't go to waste (which I think is the first one you posted?) It's so gorgeous! ❤️

It was indeed the first one I posted – on Ao3, at least! The last fic I posted before that was a Star Wars: The Clone Wars oneshot I posted on FanFiction.net back in 2018.

Thank you so much for reading, and for your compliments! That fic is always going to have a special place in my heart.

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new ask game for my writers: reblog for your followers to anonymously (or not) tell you what fic brought them to your blog :)

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So my dash did a thing:

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current mood: would like to hide under a blanket and not come out. please and thank you.

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Happy Birthday BG3. Feel free to keep living rent-free in my mind and heart forever.

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Still on the subject of Astarion and the figure of the hero.

And lots of other lovely things that I really like.

There’s a moment, right after the battle, when Astarion comes face to face with his tormentor that I find particularly striking. It's probably a detail that often gets overlooked, since most of the discourse tends to focus on the ascension or the infamous persuasion roll to "convince" Astarion not to ascend. But to me, it’s such a beautiful scene that I even included it in my video “Astarion's Journey to Redemption.” I don’t just find it beautiful—I find it meaningful.

During the fight with Cazador, it’s possible to kill one or more of the sacrificial spawn. In that case, Astarion can no longer ascend. But don’t worry, he won’t make a tragedy out of it. Clearly, it wasn’t that essential after all, and the freedom he gains is enough for him. Yes, he’ll make a snarky comment during the fight, but after the initial reaction, he won’t voice any further complaints. BUT let’s take a closer look. Cazador is on his knees, Astarion stands before him, dagger in hand, ready to finally break his chains. "One last thrust and I'll be free of you. I'll never had to fear you again." The vampire lord speaks, chilling in his clarity: "And then? What will you be without me? A shade? A spectre in the shadows? Devoid of all purpose?"

Cazador knows exactly what he's saying. He knows Astarion isn’t whole—he’s broken—and that his entire existence for the past 200 years has revolved around him: every thought, every action, every word. All of it, only and entirely for him. The abuser has been the very pillar upon which Astarion’s sense of self was built—his identity, his worth, his functioning, his purpose. Without that pillar, there’s nothing. Only emptiness. (Though we, the players, know that Astarion still has so much left to discover and rebuild—but that’s not the point right now.)

What is relevant, however, is Astarion’s expression—because it says far more than words ever could. There he is, dagger in hand, standing before the person who has hurt him more than anyone, the one he hates from the bottom of his heart—and yet he hesitates. His face clearly says: “You’re right. An abyss is opening before me, and I’m terrified.”

Without ascension to save him, to give him something to lean on—a ready-made path, a new identity to sink into and hide behind in order to face what comes next, or simply to fill that gaping void—Astarion doesn’t know how to answer that question. Astarion doesn’t know his own worth. He doesn’t recognize his strength, his resilience. And even if he has, in some ways, begun to glimpse his own value during his time with Tav/Durge, Cazador’s influence remains absolute. In front of him, Astarion becomes once more the “boy” who is worth nothing. Because that’s how Cazador has always made him feel.

And so, in silence, with a close-up of Astarion’s conflicted expression, the dialogue options for Tav/Durge appear. Once again, it falls to them to speak. Just like during the persuasion roll to “convince” him not to ascend—Astarion needs support to face his future.

Let’s start from the premise that each of these dialogue options opens a window onto a different and compelling perspective. The choices are:

He’ll be free. Nothing else matters.

He’ll be a hero.

He’ll be mine. And I’ll be his.

Hells, just kill him already!

Now, let’s leave the last one out—because answering like that in such an intense and meaningful moment is just plain cruel. Although I admit Astarion’s reaction to it cracks me up. Lol. I’m a terrible person, I can’t help it.

Aaaaanyway—if you choose to say that Astarion will be free, Cazador immediately and firmly reasserts his ownership of the spawn. He created him, raised him, and his shadow will never stop haunting him for all eternity. A bit like how, we can imagine, Cazador himself—despite his elevated position—never really forgot about Vellioth.

And yet Astarion surprises us here, because unlike his predecessor, he’s no longer there to follow in anyone’s footsteps: "You might’ve made me what I am, but I can be so much more than what you created me to be." With this statement, Astarion acknowledges that to become more than what he was destined to be, he doesn’t need to ascend. And as we’ll see later, that idea runs even deeper and is more complex than it seems.

If you choose to step in by emphasizing the romantic bond between Astarion and Tav/Durge, Cazador again pushes back and reaffirms his ownership—but in an especially insidious way. Let’s give credit where it’s due: the voice actor manages to sound utterly vile, smug, and infuriating with just the way he says “know it is a lie.”

And here Astarion does something equally powerful—he admits, both to himself and his companions, that in some way, Cazador is right. "He's not wrong. There's always going to be a part of him in me." Something of Cazador will always remain. It’s inside him. It’s part of him. Acknowledging that shows vulnerability, maturity, and a painful kind of awareness. He doesn’t scream, lash out, or reject what hurts him like he does when Tav/Durge compares him to Cazador in his Ascended ending. This time, he’s the first to admit the tragic truth—and to accept it.

Cazador’s death won’t change the bond that once existed between them or what it left behind. But Astarion can live with it without necessarily feeling diminished because of it — and in that simple admission lies immense strength.

BUT let’s get to my favorite one: “He’ll be a hero.” Cazador’s response here reflects not only his desire to belittle the figure of the hero and Tav/Durge’s words—it also perfectly echoes the general worldview when it comes to vampires. These are two archetypes that are, by definition, incompatible. A vampire can’t be a hero. A vampire is a monster. A vampire is the thing heroes slay to save the good people, earning songs and praise in return. Gandrel calls them godless parasites that must be destroyed—no justification needed.

Cazador sneers: “Hero? You think they will sing songs of the blood-drinking saviour? The one who lurks in the shadows?” But Astarion’s response is simply astonishing: “Maybe they will. Maybe they won’t. Maybe it doesn’t matter.”

BOOM. Five stars to this vampire spawn. One small step for a spawn, one giant leap for vampirekind—if we can quote Neil Armstrong.

First of all, Astarion does not reject the idea of being a hero. Maybe he’ll be the first ever to walk that path. A bold, difficult, perhaps even impossible choice—one that goes against every expectation. And more than that: maybe it will be recognized and celebrated. Or maybe not. The point is: it doesn’t matter. It’s not the praise, the songs, the glory that define the value of his actions. The reward isn’t the point.

The sheer firmness of that line, thrown directly into his abuser’s face, carries unimaginable weight. And it hides within it the true meaning of what Astarion becomes when he chooses not to ascend—whether by his own will or due to circumstance. Astarion becomes a symbol. An idea. A concept. One that shines and burns and ignites the hearts of others like him. His seven siblings, for starters. And almost all the spawn he frees from Cazador’s grip. Even the Gur monster hunters… and who knows who else in the future.

The Gur’s letter says it best:

"To the spawn Astarion,Greetings from the family of Ulma, hunters of monsters and keepers of peace across Faerûn.We know this letter finds you well, for although we hunt you no longer, we do sometimes keep a watch. Your restraint and control over your bloodlust has been admirable. Indeed, it has been an inspiration for our children, who have struggled with their own hunger.These last months have been a difficult time for our people. We have protected and nurtured our children as best we can, and we have learned much. Herbs we once used to dull our foes' minds are now sedatives to ease hunger and pain, restraints built to hold the undead now protect them from themselves. There has been a lot of pain, but a lot of progress too. Our children learned discipline and control, while we learned compassion and patience.There was a time when we would have destroyed any undead creature, our own blood or not, and called it a mercy. But then we met you. We saw that redemption was possible. Difficult, yes. Painful. But possible.You saved our children first from Cazador, and then from us. For that, we thank you.We will watch you still, but with more admiration than fear.Walk in peace, Astarion."

Up until that moment—until Astarion made the impossible possible by showing the world (and those who hate and fear his kind) that vampires can be good people, capable of integrating and doing the right thing—no one had ever thought to alleviate their suffering in any way that didn’t involve a stake to the heart or a trial by fire.

The Gur’s message, and the way they describe how much they’ve learned over the past months about vampirism and compassion, proves this: Astarion didn’t just change his fate—he changed the fate of all his kind. Because from now on, yes, vampires will still be met with prejudice—but as people. Some good, some evil. Not all monsters by default.

It’s a significant step. A turning point. A revolution within the world of vampires itself.

That’s how important, how enormous, Astarion’s choice truly is. (Yes, lol, I copy-pasted a part from one of my old posts.)

At this point, I’d like to expand a bit on the concept of “being more than what I was created to be”, which many players associate with the act of Ascension. For some, only through Ascension does Astarion seem to break free from the frame Cazador built around him. However, if we listen closely to what he tells his siblings after rejecting Ascension (the same applies if he’s “persuaded” not to go through with it, after all), it’s precisely there—in his spawn form—that Astarion reaffirms that very idea.

They’re lost, confused, used to bowing their heads and obeying. They don’t know what to do with their newfound freedom. Much like Astarion himself in several moments throughout the game. And here comes the empathy of our favorite spawn—he steps up as a voice, a guide:

“‘You can do whatever you wants sounds terrifying – and it is – but there’s opportunity in it too. You can hide here, living in the shadows like parasites, or you can be more than what he made us to be. You can choose differently, of course, but the consequences are on your head.”

Ascension is the safe path. The known path. The one that stays within the same frame. Every vampire lord is eventually replaced by a spawn, and so on—it’s a natural and endless cycle, a patriarchal structure that governs vampire covens. In the game, there’s quite a long list of vampire lords who were taken out in a flash. The very cycle of power and terror that Astarion-the-spawn speaks of the morning after defeating Cazador. In a way, Ascension is just the logical next step for a successful spawn within that system—just with a few extra perks, courtesy of Mephistopheles.

But doing whatever you want—stepping outside of the frame—is something else entirely. That’s what truly terrifies them all. It’s the weight of real freedom and the unknown that comes with it. Why are we afraid of the dark? Simply because we don’t know what’s in it. The same principle applies here.

And yet that’s exactly where the opportunity lies: the chance to truly become more than what Cazador—or the system that created all of them, including the lords—meant them to be. To be anything outside the coven and its rules, to live among countless other possibilities.

Astarion invites his brothers and sisters to be more than mere parasites, just as Gandrel described them in Act 1. He invites them toward a life that is more righteous, more just—perhaps harder, yes—but one that can make a difference for the better.

And for the first time, he speaks of responsibility. Now that they are free from their master’s control, from this point on, if they choose a different path the consequences of their choices and actions will fall on them alone.

But as we mentioned earlier, after the incredible feat Astarion has just accomplished (because, honestly, a vampire rejecting power is a Guinness World Record moment—it completely breaks the typical Baldur’s Gate and D&D trope), his siblings nod, smile, and follow the lead of someone who has become, in every sense, a role model and a beacon of hope.

I swear, this time I had promised myself I'd keep it short—just the four key points… but then, as usual, I was possessed by the demon of wild rambling! I have a problem. Send help.

Anyway, here's the video below, if you're interested in exploring further.