#why (other than it sounds cool) is A the most popular letter to begin names with?

[eventine-elessedill]

I unironically love Shannara elf names and naming patterns...so much...because some of them are just so absurd but so unique and it’s amazing like look at some of these:  

Kirisin Belloruus

Acrolace

Vree Erreden

Barsimmon Oridio

Ped

Chenowyn 

Teonette

Simralin Belloruus

Oparion Amarantyne

Maurin Ortish

Top tier baby names, folks.

[kpop-zone]

Highschool Red Velvet reaction to their crush asking them out on Valentine’s Day

Irene

“You guys are so cheesy...”

Joohyun scoffed teasingly after her friends were done raving about their romantic plans for tonight, causing Sooyoung to elbow her.

“Be careful what you say. Rumor has it that Y/N will ask you out today.”

Her friend snickered smugly, causing Joohyun’s heart to instantly skip a beat when she heard your name. But in front of her friends she played it cool.

“Y/N? What do I care about Y/N? Valentine’s day is just a commercial holiday created by capitalism and I won’t support that.”

She claimed confidently, making Sooyoung huff in annoyance. Right when she looked like she wanted to reply with a snarky comment though, Sooyoung suddenly got distracted by something behind Joohyun and her expression changed to a mischievous smirk. Confused, Joohyun turned around to follow the gaze of her friend and froze in an instant. You were running square to her down the hallway with a wide smile on your lips and a huge bouquet in your hands.

“Hey guys.”

You greeted them a little out of breath, but Joohyun was too speechless to say anything. Were the rumors really true? Would you finally ask her out after she had had a crush on you for so long?

“Oh hey Y/N.”

Sooyoung grinned before pushing Joohyun closer to you.

“Hey.”

This time your greeting was only aimed at Joohyun and she gave you a small, awkward wave in reply, because she was still not really confident in her ability to speak.

“Um...I’m too nervous for a big speech, so I will just cut right to the chase. I mean you’ve probably seen this coming anyway. So here I go... Do you want to go out with me tonight?”

You asked while scratching your neck sheepishly and holding out the bouquet. Nervously, Joohyun stared at the flowers, trying to calm her heartbeat to be able to answer your question. But before a single word could leave her lips, Sooyoung suddenly piped up.

“Oh Y/N, I’m sorry to tell you this, but I’ve just talked with Joohyun and she said that she didn’t suppo-“

She said with a mischievous glint in her eyes, but Joohyun quickly stepped on her foot to stop her from finishing her sentence.

“Nothing. I said absolutely nothing.”

Joohyun glared at Sooyoung, who had a hard time containing her laughter, before turning to you again.

“I would love to go out with you.”

She admitted with a blush creeping to her cheeks, forgetting all about her speech from earlier. She had waited too long for this to care about principles.

“Really? Oh my god. Awesome...Um I’m going to pick you up at 7?”

You stuttered perplexed, managing to make Joohyun smile with your adorableness.

“Perfect.”

She nodded before taking the flowers out of your hands and smelling their sweet scent.

Maybe Valentine’s Day wasn’t so bad after all...

Seulgi

When Seulgi walked down the hallway and saw someone meddling with her locker, she tilted her head in confusion and picked up her pace to catch the intruder red-handed. A few steps before her locker, she recognized the person though and her expression softened.

“Oh hey, Y/N.”

She greeted you, causing you to flinch in shock.

“Seulgi...”

You gasped before hiding a piece of paper behind your back.

“What do you have there?”

Seulgi asked curiously, wondering why you seemed to be so nervous.

“Oh this? I just wanted to ask you...if you wanted to have lunch with me later.”

You chuckled while fidgeting with the piece of paper in your hand.

“Why didn’t you just send me a text?”

Seulgi laughed in amusement, finding your behavior extremely weird today. Usually it was her that behaved like a fool in front of you.

“You’re right, I didn’t even think about that...”

You replied, but Seulgi only listened to you with half an ear, because she got distracted by several students that were passing by with flowers and letters in their hands. Confused, Seulgi looked after them before remembering what day it was today.

“Is it Valentine’s Day today?”

She asked while staring at the letter in your hand deep in thought. Instantly, you hid the piece of paper behind your back again and a dark blush started to appear on your cheeks, causing realization to strike Seulgi like lightning. Could it be that you had wanted to ask her to be your Valentine?

“What did you say the letter said?”

She probed carefully and your gaze darted back and forth between her and the letter until you eventually handed it over with shaky hands.

“It says that...it says that I really like you.”

You stuttered sheepishly, causing Seulgi’s eyes to widen although your words essentially only confirmed her suspicion.

“You do?”

She asked in disbelief and you nodded shyly. Speechlessly, Seulgi opened your letter to assure herself that you were telling the truth and her smile grew bigger with every line that she read. Your sincere words brought tears to her eyes and she had to fight the urge to cry until she reached the end of the letter. Do you want to go out with me? You had written like you were still in middle school and given her three answers to choose from, causing her to giggle. Yes, No, Maybe. With a fluttering heart, Seulgi folded the letter and looked straight into your eyes again.

“Yes.”

She smiled widely and your face lit up. With a loud cry of joy, you jumped in the air and lifted your fist victoriously as if you had just won a championship.

This day had definitely taken a different turn than she had expected...

Wendy

“Hey, Seungwan.”

The moment you flashed Seungwan a smile and plopped down next to her, she felt her heart frequency reaching unprecedented levels. Sheepishly, she put a strand of hair behind her ear and looked at her lap.

“Hey, Y/N.”

She replied, feeling how she started blushing when her voice cracked. After months of being your lab partner, she was still not able to play it cool around you...how pathetic.

“Did any secret admirers confess their love to you already?”

You asked to start a casual conversation, causing Seungwan to laugh awkwardly. What secret admirers? The only one who was helplessly in love here but too shy to ever confess was herself.

“Nope I guess they are still waiting for the right moment...”

She joked, but you stayed unusually serious.

“So...you’re not doing anything tonight?”

You asked while glancing nervously at her from the side.

“No, Valentine’s day is overrated anyways.”

Seungwan chuckled nervously to cover up her disappointment. She would have loved to go out tonight, but unfortunately, the only person that she was interested in hadn’t asked her out...

“D-do you have something planned?”

She quickly added, trying to distract from the fact that she would be alone today.

“Well I had something planned but it turned out that the girl I wanted to take out doesn’t like Valentine’s day.”

You answered with slouched shoulders and Seungwan immediately picked up on your gloomy mood.

“Oh no! Maybe you should still ask her? Maybe she will make an exception for you.”

She tried to cheer you up even though it hurt her to encourage you to ask out another girl.

“Do you really think so?”

You asked hopefully and Seungwan quickly nodded her head.

“Definitely!”

She gave you two thumbs up to underline her statement, causing you to chuckle.

“Ok...so will you make an exception?”

You looked at her nervously and Seungwan furrowed her brow in confusion. Make an exception for what? Intensely, she thought about your question until her eyes widened in realization.

“I’m the girl?!”

She gasped and you shook your head while laughing in amusement.

“Yes, it’s you Seungwan.”

You smiled shyly, causing Seungwan’s heart to almost swell twofold.

“Well, I don’t want you to be lonely today...so I will make an exception just this once.”

She answered, trying to sound indifferent, but she couldn’t stop a wide smile to take over almost half her face.

“Lucky me.”

You chuckled and the two of you simply smiled at each other until your teacher eventually stormed into the room, announcing a pop quiz. Reluctantly, Seungwan averted her gaze from you, but kept smiling to herself.

Nothing could ruin her mood today.

Joy

“Dear Sooyoung, would you do me the honor of going out with me tonight? Oh my god...no. I can’t ask her like that. How old am I?”

Nervously, you paced up and down in front of Sooyoung’s classroom with a bouquet of white asters in your hand while practicing how to ask her out. You knew that the probability was very low that Sooyoung would actually let you take her out -after all she was the most popular girl in school- but you had sworn to yourself that you would at least try before graduation. And you were friends for ages already, so what could go wrong? Despite your desperate attempts to calm yourself down, your heart was almost jumping out of your chest when the school bell finally rang and the door of Sooyoung’s classroom swung open. Your grip on the flowers tightened and you scanned the faces of the many students that left the room. In true Sooyoung style, however, she seemed to enjoy putting you on the rack and took her sweet time to show up. You were already beginning to wonder whether she had skipped class when she finally stepped out of the room...with seemingly a thousand bouquets and plushies in her arms. Dumbfounded, your grin faltered, and you let your hand with the flowers fall to your side. How could you have been so dumb? Of course, you wouldn’t be the only one who would try their luck today.

Bummed out, you wanted to flee the scene before Sooyoung would notice you, but just when you were about to disappear into a group of passing students, Sooyoung’s eyes met yours and a big smile appeared on her face.

“Y/N! Did you wait for me?”

She asked excitedly while walking up to you. Panicked, you tried to hide the bouquet behind your back, but once again you were too late. Sooyoung’s gaze immediately zeroed in on the flowers and she curiously raised an eyebrow.

“Did you get those?”

She asked in a tone that wasn’t even half as nice as the smile that she had just flashed you a second ago.

“Um...no.”

You stuttered sheepishly, not knowing how you should wriggle out of this situation.

“Will you give them to someone?”

Sooyoung kept probing and you nervously avoided her piercing gaze.

“Yes... but you don’t know them.”

You answered breathlessly, causing Sooyoung to eye you suspiciously.

“So, you’re telling me that you’re going to meet up with a person that I don’t know, although we’ve basically spent the whole school year together, to give them my favorite flowers?”

She tilted her head to the side to demonstrate you that she wasn’t believing a word that you were saying, and you sighed in defeat.

“Ok, fine... There is no mystery person. I-I wanted to give them to you. But it seems like you don’t really need any more flowers.”

You revealed grumpily while pointing at the expensive-looking bouquets in Sooyoung’s hands. You waited for her to laugh at you for your naivety, but instead, she suddenly walked away. Dumbfounded, you looked after her, observing with an open mouth how she threw all the flowers into the next garbage can before returning to you. Expectantly, she looked at you while holding out her empty hands, ready to accept your flowers. Your brain had trouble processing everything that was happening right now, but you still managed to hand over the bouquet with shaky hands.

“Is that all?”

Sooyoung chuckled when you continued to stare at her wordlessly and you quickly cleared your throat.

“No...”

You replied hesitantly before inhaling deeply to calm your nerves.

“Just ask me, Y/N...I will say yes anyways.”

Sooyoung said calmly, managing to boost your confidence.

“Sooyoung, do you want to go out with me?”

You asked, sounding halfway confident and finally Sooyoung’s bright smile returned to her lips.

“Of course, dummy. I’ve been waiting for ages for you to ask me.”

She giggled before pulling you into her arms.

You definitely hadn’t predicted this outcome with your contingency analysis...

Yeri

“How do I look?”

Yeri asked Naeun for the thousandth time, causing her to roll her eyes in annoyance.

“Still the same as five minutes ago. Still amazing.”

She sighed and Yeri grinned proudly.

“Ok then wish me luck. I’m going in.”

She fixed her hair one last time before picking up the box of chocolates and flowers that she had brought this morning. After drooling over you for almost a year, she had decided to finally confess her feelings to you today. It was Valentine’s day after all. So if not today, when? Yeri’s heart was still beating out of her chest as she was walking to your usual meeting point behind the school and she needed to do calming breathing exercises. How would you react? Could you ever think of her more than just a friend? Nervously, she rounded the corner and instantly felt her heart skipping a beat when she saw you standing there. You had your back turned to her, but only this simple sight of you caused a million butterflies to tingle in her stomach. With excitement taking over her body, Yeri picked up her pace and positioned her face right behind your ear when you didn’t notice her even though she was merely a step away from you.

“Boo.”

She breathed into your ear causing you to jump in surprise before spinning around. Once you stood face to face, however, it was Yeri that was dumbfounded. In your hands, you were holding the exact same flowers and box of chocolate that she had wanted to give you. Confused, her gaze darted back and forth between your hands and her hands until you started to giggle and managed to catch her attention.

“Seems like we had the same idea.”

You grinned and Yeri’s eyes widened.

“Wait...are those for me??”

She exclaimed a little louder than necessary, causing you to laugh.

“Yup! I figured it was time that I finally take you out.”

You announced proudly and a huge weight lifted off Yeri’s shoulders. Overflowing with joy, she flung her arms around your neck, not caring about the bouquet that she was crushing in the process.

“I was so scared that you wanted to stay friends forever.”

She sighed dramatically and you chuckled in amusement.

“Believe me, Yeri, you made it really obvious that you didn’t want to just be friends.”

You teased her, but Yeri shrugged unconcerned after she had pulled away.

“Being subtle isn’t my strong suit. Come on, let’s tell everybody.”

Leaving you no possibility to protest, she intertwined your fingers and pulled you towards the cafeteria.

Why should she stop wearing her heart on her sleeve if it got her here?

[alonelysimp]

Genshin Band Au

Characters: Yanfei, Xinyan, Barbara, Y/N (reader)

WC: 1975

Warnings: No beta we die like hilichurls

Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, No Ships, Headcanons, Bulleted

Spotify Playlist: Pov: you're in a band with Xinyan Yanfei and Barbara

《 𝓘𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓽𝓸 𝓻𝓸𝓬𝓴, 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓲𝓽𝓼 𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓲𝓮𝓻 𝓽𝓸 𝓻𝓸𝓵𝓵 》

Once when you were having lunch with Xinyan and Xiangling, Xinyan said something along the lines of “wouldn’t it be cool if i had a band?” and you, of course, jokingly said “if you started a band, then I wanna be the first member to join” and that’s basically how it started

You offered Xiangling if she'd like to join as well but she declined. As tempting as a life like that sounds, she’s set on her dream to be a chef. “I’d rather be your biggest fan!”

Not really knowing where to go at this point, you suggested posting a notice to the bulletin board beside the long-unused alchemy table and the one beside the adventurer’s guild typically reserved for commissions, but Katheryne gave you permission to put it up.

Xinyan had already begun to have the beginnings of a fanbase at this point, but it wasn’t really much of a surprise you hadn’t heard anything in a few days. You had even gone so far as to ask the traveler to keep an eye out.

Thankfully, the traveler was more successful than the both of you, bringing back a letter from both the top legal advisor in Liyue and the Idol and Deconess of Mondstadt. When you asked them how or why they put in so much effort, they just smiled and waved you off. The only payment they wanted were some small shiny rocks you had laying around as paperweights that you got from a hilichurl. Odd, but you insisted they accepted mora as well.

And so, on the agreed date mentioned in both of the letters, courtesy of the traveler setting up, you sat around a table at Wamin with a few assorted dishes of Jueyun Chili Chicken and Crab Roe Tofu. By the end, you were able to convince both of them to join. It was a bit.. really hard in the beginning, with Barbara and Yanfei having jobs. Barbara living in Mond didn’t help much either, but after some work it became manageable. You agree to meet every week at Pop’s Teas, one of the vendors at the stone gate. It would only take half an hour-ish each way.

“What should we call it?” You ask, languidly setting down your tea. Xinyan looks at you, still hunched over a few sheets of paper with her head propped up on her hand. “The band,” you clarify. Barbara hums from across the table, pressing a finger to her lip.

“I have a few ideas.” Xinyan pulls a blank sheet from the pile and scribbles BAND NAMES at the top. “Let’s brainstorm them while we’re all here.” One by one, you begin to throw out ideas.

Firelytical

Rockin Resistance

Wildfires

Illuminated Flames

Inferno

Sudden Freedom

She taps the pen to her lip, thinking of other names to suggest.

“These seem a bit.. fire-centric, even for a pyro-based band,” you comment. Yanfei nods, still deep in thought.

“Oh that’s a good idea, y/n.” You glance over, seeing Xinyan write down “Pyrocentric” on the list.

“Maybe it’d be best if we came up with ideas and shared them next week?” You nod at Barbara’s suggestion.

“I’ll keep a notepad with me in the office…” Xinyan tosses the pencil back on the table, watching Yanfei pull out what you assume to be the notebook and flip to a page, moving on to the next topic of discussion. “Costumes,” she says as her lips twist into a slight frown.

“Oh! I have some ideas for that,” you pull a sketchbook out of your bag, showing them your ideas. “I’m not very good at drawing but.. I wanted to keep some bits of your normal clothing too, I hope it’s not too much.”

“Y/n these look so amazing!” Barbara smiles, moving one to get a better look.

“Aw these are so awesome!” Xinyan slides over the one for her, grinning. Yanfei nods, looking over hers. “I could totally make these.” Her eyes sparkle with interest, radiating in the sunlight. “Oh,” she looks back up at you. “If you don’t mind, that is.” You wave her away, giggling under your breath.

“If Barbra and Yanfei don’t have any adjustments to make, I’d love to see my designs come to life!” You sip your tea, which has long gone cold by now. Barbara turns the paper around, pointing at the skirt on the page. “What if we add another one under it? If we make it a different colour, it’ll pop more.” You nod, pulling out a sheet and writing it down.

“Oh, oh y/n what if we added something here too?” Yanfei points to a slightly emptier spot on the hip. “Like an uhm…” she trails off.

“What if we put something like this from Xinyan’s?” You put your finger on a braided cord. “Like a belt, I guess?”

“Oh yeah yeah and I could put my vision on it–” she unconsciously reaches to touch the pyro vision at her side.

“Y/n?” Barbara sets aside her tea, as if she just found out the hard way that it’s cold. You hum, the pencil in your hand tapping against the page as you note details for Yanfei’s costume. “Thank you for working so hard on this!”

A few other names had come up during the week; BXY, Fiery Vale, and such, but you settled on Fervent Apricity. An odd name, but it’s meaning was able to win everyone over; the intense heat of the sun in the midst of winter. It fit the band well, you thought. Perhaps one day you should be able to live up to the name.

After a few months of dragging Yanfei away from her work to teach her the bass, which she picked up scarily fast (perhaps it's an illuminated beast thing?), you were able to arrange something with the millenith to not crash your debut concert. Yanfei suggested she just continued practicing for a while before she performed with it though.

You agreed that since there were only four of you, it wouldn’t be too much to have all of you as vocalists. Barabra lead vocals and choreography, Xinyan with lead guitar and harsh vocals, Yanfei rapping and eventually bass guitar, and you playing drums.

Tonight was the night. The night that Fervent Apricity would set foot on the stage for the first time. To be completely honest, you were a nervous wreck. Ignoring your worries didn’t make them go away, much to your annoyance.

Xiangling set up a food cart nearby, though she got distracted listening more than she cooked.

You sat in front of the drums, only moments left before you started. This was it. You’ve practiced so many times, it’ll be a breeze. Xinyan counted down, the strums from her guitar filling the summer night air as the concert began.

You would’ve felt bad being this loud so late at night, but by the time you had finished, you attracted not only a good portion of the residents in the harbor, but the wholehearted support of the largest fleet that docks in Liyue. The Crux and her crew! You recognize a lot of people from Xinyan’s previous concerts, loyal fans you assume she’s gained, and a good few handfuls of new faces. Travelers, probably.

You played into the night, without a care in the world for who may be listening. It lasted almost half an hour longer than one of Xinyan’s normal concerts. If you had to put the experience into one word, it was freeing. You were alive. The feeling was… incredible. But, as the adrenaline wore off, you came to realize how undeniably tired you were.

And so, that breathtaking performance marked the day that you would start your, Fervent Apricity’s, journey of becoming one of the most popular bands in Teyvat

For the week after, you had been working out the details of the next large concert. Xinyan carried on with her nightly performances, you caught word of Barbara still performing in Mond, although slightly less than usual, and you had been exchanging ideas with Yanfei. Despite her job and work schedule, she proves to be a great help, almost overwhelmingly so. After the second day, it felt more like her setting it up and running it by you instead of the other way around. Not that you could really complain, just a little less work for you.

After a few months of performing regularly in Liyue Harbor, Barbara suggested that you come to Mond. It’d be a new experience, since you had never really traveled outside of Liyue, but you were concerned it might affect Barbara’s reputation. She insisted. Playing with the band is something she’s proud of and the message your music brings is something she supports.

Was it running away? Finding a new audience that would love your music just as much as you did? No, just the opposite. It was finding a new audience, one that was just as foreign to it, and lighting it up one spark at a time.

You started working out the time with Yanfei and Barbara to fit their schedules and Xinyan started picking out songs she thought would be more… well accepted by the northern people and bouncing some ideas off you. The instruments weren’t much, so you were able to transport it easily. Barbara said to come to the plaza at the top of all the stairs a few days prior.

Xinyan had to tell the sentries you were here to perform with Barbara, to which they let you through with no further difficulties. People stared, and whether it was a good or bad thing, it was almost.. empowering? You met with Barbara and the other sisters, introducing yourselves as the other members of Fervent Apricity.

They were a bit weary of you, a ragtag group of musicians with a vaguely red and black colour scheme with Barbara, who had run off shortly after you arrived to change into her costume.

By the time she had returned, the makeshift stage had already been set up and a crowd began to form. It appears Barbara was quite popular here. You could tell they were a bit cautious though. Perhaps it’s because it’s pretty clear that your music was different from what Barbara usually played. All the better to prove how amazing rock could be.

There was but a few minutes left before you were scheduled to start. All the fireproofing needed was complete; you were ready to light up the city of freedom.

It was just like one of your normal concerts, a handful of songs you had played many times before. The crowd was a bit taken aback by Xinyan’s screaming, you had to hold in a laugh. You made a note to after, bring it up to her to get the crowd more fired up before choosing one that… intense. No matter how many times you performed, it was always just as lively as the first time.

Having mentioned your thought to Xinyan after the show, Yanfei came up to the both of you. She said she wanted to play her instrument in the next concert. Xinyan replied that if she wanted to then that’s a-okay but she shouldn’t feel pressured into it before she was ready

You overheard the “Barbara fan club,” as Barbara had mentioned earlier, crowding her and asking so many questions, it made you want to kick their asses to Inazuma.

“Barbara-sama, are you joining them permanently?”

“Barbara-sama, will you still be performing on your own?”

“Barbara-sama, how long have you been with them?”

“Barbara-sama, is this why you don’t let me join you to the stone gate?”

After a bit of rescuing and creep-yelling-at, Xinyan made a final announcement, mentioning the band’s name and the upcoming concert dates in Liyue.

Oh, how quickly time passes

ohmygod THANK YOU SM FOR 200- SHAWTYS ILYSM- ugh I might actually take this blog seriously soon..

Fervent Apricity Masterlist [ X ]

[thestraggletag]

Silver Tongue, a Rumbelle fic

Summary: Based on this prompt. Royce Gold is determined to confess his secret feelings towards the librarian. Unable to do it in person he sits down to write a letter but a combination of liquid courage and a determination to truly unburden himself made him perhaps a bit too ardently honest. And a bit careless.

This might have a sequel.

Rating: NC-17 

It had taken a long time to arrive at this point, but now that he’d made the decision Royce Gold was oddly calm, as if having made the decision had magically ended the slow-burning agony he’d been in since the library had opened three years ago. He hadn’t much thought he would be affected by the event, and had privately thought it wouldn’t last. He could not see there being any need for a library in Storybrooke, a town where most people had last held a book in high school, if even then. He had thought it would not last long, one of Regina’s many pet projects that was abandoned when it did not justify its constant spending of town funds.

He had been wrong, in the end, because he hadn’t factored in the librarian. Belle French swept into town with her high-end, short-skirted fashion and noticeable Australian accent and he thought the moment he saw her that she wouldn’t last. Too foreign for a small town like Storybrooke. He had been wrong, though. She had soon made friends with the miners, and Granny and Ruby, and even a few of the teachers from the local school. She also made sure to make the library indispensable, organising book clubs and other after-school activities for the children, offering computer literacy courses for adults and a place for the knitting club to meet, as well as regular table-game nights that surprisingly became wildly popular with certain crowds. And had made Granny an unbearably-cocky backgammon champion, two years running.

So she had stayed, and soon he had begun to notice the danger in it. The way he could not stop staring at her in the diner, or as she walked down the street. They way he got tongue-tied when in her presence, and turned softer, kinder. The way his smirks turned to smiles around her, and he laughed easier. She was smart, and learned, and had a delightful sense of humor. Dark, like his. And yet she was a being of light. Kind, always ready to help, and willing to see beyond the surface. Beyond the drunken escapades of Leroy, or the scandal surrounding Miss Blanchard and Mr Nolan, or his own sordid reputation. And it was that thing that made her so dangerous, how unafraid she was of him, and how determined she seemed to be in getting to know him.

He had been half in love with her before he realised it. The attraction he could deal with- after all, she was a gorgeous woman, and he a man with eyes- but the feelings scared the fuck out of him. It was too late to stop himself, however, so he resigned himself to being a besotted fool… from a safe distance. Only the more they interacted the less he seemed reconciled with the idea until it felt like he was choking on his unexpressed feelings. 

That’s why he had decided, in a fit of uncharacteristic emotional bravery, to unburden himself. Confess his feelings, likely be politely refused, and put an end to the madness. Or perhaps, if fate smiled upon him, be rewarded with a tentative acceptance to a dinner date, and perhaps more. It was always a possibility, albeit a small one, but enough to give him the push he needed.

He had decided it would be best to write her a letter. He got stupidly tongue-tied in her presence, after all, and there was something whimsically old-fashioned about a written letter, which he was sure she would appreciate. So on Friday night, after dinner, he locked himself in his study, fished out his Waldmann Tango and his best stationary, and…

Drew a resounding blank.

It was difficult to start writing with a blank page, he reasoned, so he tried at first simply to write the opening line, immediately falling into a ten-minute debate on whether to address the letter to “Miss French” or “Belle” and what to put in front of it “Dear Miss French”, on one end of the spectrum, seemed too dry and cold, and “Dearest Belle” on the other, too forward and presumptuous.

In the end he decided on “My dear Belle”. There was no point in writing a letter declaring his feelings if he could not even bring himself to call her by her given name and the slightly possessive edge to his greeting might come off as ardent rather than off-putting.

The opening paragraph seemed easy at first: “I am writing to you in order to express certain feelings I am sure have gone unnoticed so far, given the pains I’ve taken to ensure they remained hidden, in part due to our mutual circumstances and standing in town…” yet after a few times reading and re-reading it he had the odd, sinking feeling he might be writing the slightly-more-modern version of Mr Darcy’s ‘In vain I have struggled’ speech and that hadn’t gone over well the first time around. Luckily for him, at least, Belle had no sister he could insult while he was at it. So he scraped it and tried again, but soon felt everything he wrote sounded too formal, stilted and lacking in emotion. He was laying it all down like it was a contract to seal one of his deals, and it was hardly conducive to romance, or reflective of his true feelings.

He stood up, going for the wet bar he kept in the corner of the office. He selected a half-full bottle of Lagavulin and poured himself a generous three fingers into his favourite tumbler, deciding to forgo ice altogether. He needed to loosen up and good Scotch always helped in that. He sat down again, downed the drink in one go, and took another shot at it. He wanted to sound… Passionate, he supposed. It was the whole point of the letter, after all, to confess his true feelings. And his feelings were… ardent. Powerful. All-consuming, at times. Like a small, flickering flame that had slowly built into a veritable inferno. Though he did not wish to frighten her, he did wish to unburden himself and leave her with no doubt regarding his feelings.

“There hasn’t been a day since you arrived in Storybrooke that I haven’t felt your presence in some small way. You’ve taken a permanent residence in my mind and my heart, and there are days when I can scarcely think of anything else. All it takes is a small conversation or even a passing smile and I’m rendered useless.”

He fetched the Scotch from the bar and poured himself another drink, deciding it would be best to leave the bottle nearby. He felt he was finally getting into the groove of things, building up to something that sounded less like a legal clause. He downed his second Scotch, feeling the pleasant burn as it travelled down his throat, and took his pen again.

“You need not be concerned if you do not share my feelings. I will respect whatever decision you make. I simply wanted to tell you of the warmth you inspire in me, the way you’ve torn through all the walls I’ve built between myself and the rest of the world. And yet I know you to be, above all things, kind. More beautiful on the inside that you are on the outside, if that’s at all possible. I know that I am safe in your hands, whether you choose to give me a chance or not. Thank you for treating an old beast with kindness and humanity and know that, no matter what the outcome is, you have a friend and an ally across the street from the library, if there is ever anything you need.”

He signed it simply “Yours” because it felt apt. He certainly felt hers, in any case. Below he signed his name, trying to make his signature a bit more whimsical, give it a tad more flourish. Afterwards he stretched, poured himself another drink, and read it. It was… Good. Not too dry, not too passionate. Solid. Respectful but a good representation of his feelings at the same time.

Well… to an extent. He gulped down his third glass of Scotch and poured himself another, ruefully acknowledging that the letter was not quite honest. It was a bit restrained. Or a lot restrained. It felt like the gentlemanly thing to do, to tone down some of the more unbecoming feelings, keep those more intimate urges locked up for the time being. But perhaps, he mused, he could let loose a bit, to try and see if a more emotionally-honest letter would actually be preferable.

He could tell her, perhaps, a bit more about how it was hard for him to keep his eyes off her when they were in the same room. How utterly beautiful she was, small enough to make him wanna crowd her in, whisk her away somewhere and lean over her, feeling her breath on his neck. How he adored her high heels and flirty skirts and wished nothing more than to-

He removed his tie, and scratched out that last sentence, automatically fishing for his drink to try and cool himself down. He was beginning to get inappropriate and, anyway, he did not wish to come across as if he was solely enamoured with her physical appearance. Though he very much was enraptured by it, it was her personality that had made him fall for her. Things like her kindness, her understanding, her insatiable curiosity. He wished to share everything with her. Wanted to teach her all the secrets of his trade, have deep discussions on books they mutually liked, bare his soul to her inquisitive eyes.

“In my dreams, over and over, I am a willing slave to your curiosity, your insatiable need to explore and experience. When I close my eyes I see us in every way two people can be together, entwined till it’s impossible to decipher where I end and you begin. You let me press my mouth against every inch of you, drink from your cunt till I’m satiated, but it’s never enough. I wish to vainly attempt to quench your curiosity anywhere and everywhere you’ll let me, at any time of day. Over and over till neither of us can walk and I cannot remove your scent from my fingers, my mouth, my cock.”

He stared at the paragraph, head tilted to the side. The paper looked a bit blurry, so he checked to make sure he was wearing his glasses. He was. Odd. He reached out for his glass of Scotch, surprised that it was empty. He refilled it, noticing the bottle felt surprisingly light. He re-read the paragraph, trying to figure out if it was a bit too risqué. But, he reasoned, Belle was risqué, in her attire, in her reading choices. Sure she would appreciate him being the same, going out of his comfort sort in order to convey the depth of his affection.

“I dream of fucking you for hours on end. Slowly, with the care and thoroughness you deserve, till we’re both numb and spent. I want to make you ache in places where the pain bleeds into pleasure, and convince you that only I am worthy of making you come. That none of the boys you might have had between your lovely legs were worth a second look. I want to become your favourite toy, there for whenever you might need me, eager to please, to make you sigh and moan and keen till you are hoarse.”

He was hard, he noticed, but it was hardly a surprise, though he thought he might have drunk a bit too much for his body to rise to the occasion. He thought about touching himself for the briefest second, but quickly dismissed the idea. He was on a writing roll, it wouldn’t do to jeopardise that. Instead he poured himself another glass of Scotch, surprised when he had to tip the bottle all the way. He didn’t remember drinking enough to empty it, but he must have. Shrugging, he turned his attention back to the letter.

“I want to take you against the stacks of the library, amidst the books you love so much. I want to fuck you in the backroom of my shop so your smell lingers there. I want to go down on you in my bed for ours, till the silk sheets are ruined beyond repair. I want to consume you anywhere, everywhere, knowing that I will never be truly satiated, that it will never be enough. Have you splayed across my dining room table so I could eat you out as many times as I wanted, as much as you needed. I want to do everything to you, and have you do everything to me, till I can’t scrub you from my skin, the same way I cannot seem to be able to erase you from my heart and my mind.”

It was a bit of a sappy ending, but he supposed it balanced the more physical emotions out. He signed his name at the bottom with a flourish, smiled in satisfaction and staggered to his feet, determined to make it to his bedroom. He would get a good night’s sleep, wake up refreshed, and deliver the letter personally first thing in the morning.

In the morning, once he was done throwing up and had managed to shower, he shook his head at the idea he could’ve ever thought he would wake up anything other than terribly hungover. He popped a couple of aspirin, forced himself to swallow a few bites of dry toast, and dressed himself for the day. Before going out the door he remembered the letter, wincing when he recalled specifically the second draft he had made, clearly in a state of drunken foolishness. He picked up the sheets of paper, thinking for a second about ripping them up. He stopped himself at the last minute, though. The letter might not be fit to ever be seen by Belle, but he fancied the idea of rereading it later. He folded it neatly into an envelope and fetched a second one for the original, much more suitable letter. He would slip that one underneath the library’s door on his way to the shop. 

He was startled by his home phone ringing, picking up to see it was the tip on the estate sale he had been waiting for. He jotted down the necessary information, went back to his desk to retrieve the letter and was out the door a few seconds later. He hurried to the library and, before he could convince himself otherwise, slipped the envelope with the letter underneath the doors, feeling a mixture of relief and anxiety afterwards. He had done it, and though he felt unbearably nervous about the whole thing, he was proud of himself for following through.

Or he was, until he opened what he thought was the unsuitable letter and realised it was the original first draft. He had switched them up by mistake. Ice flooded his veins, and he felt like someone had punched him in the gut, leaving him gasping for breath. This couldn’t be happening. Not to him, not with Belle. The more he thought about it the more his mind recalled fragments of the letter, lingering in its uncouth language and vivid imagery. He was fucked, totally and completely.

Unless…

Maybe she hadn’t opened the letter yet. Or she had, but hadn’t gotten around to read it all. The first page or so was quite reserved. Perhaps he could sneak into the library and retrieve the rest, or swap it for the correct letter. He had the keys to the library, as it was his property, rented by the town. It would feel and likely be a terrible violation of the librarian’s private space, even though he did not intend to go beyond the library, but it would be worse to allow her to be submitted to such basic thoughts as the ones he had written down the other night. 

With that in mind he took the library keys from his safe and went out into the night. Storybrooke, being a small town, was deserted at that time, which was a blessing. Less people to see him slip inside the library using the back door, or hear him as he rummaged around inside, trying to be quiet and not use his phone flashlight, lest that alert Belle upstairs in her apartment somehow. Tentatively he made his way to her office, sure she would have surely put the letter, hopefully unsealed. But when he got close he noticed light coming through the windows of the office, where the blinds were partially-lowered. It seemed that, given his fucking luck, Miss French was still diligently toiling away doing something or the other for the library. Nevermind. He would take a discrete peek, to see if he at least spotted his letter atop her desk, and if he did he would hide in some shadowy corner of the library and wait her out. If he didn’t he would cut his losses and go back home, to try and figure out how he was ever going to face Belle again. 

He approached silently, drawing one of the slats down to peer inside. He spotted Belle right away, leaning back on her office chair with an ottoman propping her feet up. She was reading something and for a moment he appreciated her face, eyes focused on the page, cheeks slightly flushed and lips parted. Then he registered the rest, the shirt tossed above the desk along with her bra, the black silk camisole making her hardened nipples visible and her left hand, which disappeared somewhere beneath her rucked-up skirt. She sighed, head rolling back as she whispered something.

He didn’t know what registered first, whether it was the fact that she was saying his name or that it was his letter she was reading, clutched tightly to her right hand. There was no doubt as to what she was doing, and yet he could hardly believe that Belle fucking French was bringing herself to orgasm in her office while reading his letter. He pinched himself, unwilling to believe he was seeing what he was seeing, but the sting felt all too real. It wasn’t a dream, it was, somehow, reality. Sweet, sweet reality.

He needed to get out. As much as he burned to just burst into the office and let his mouth do what Belle’s fingers were attempting, it wouldn’t do. By some miracle she was not offended or otherwise put off by his risqué letter, but she sure would be by him breaking into the library. Offended and perhaps scared, unsafe, which was the last thing he wanted her to feel, especially in his presence. He would sneak out, quietly, and swing by the library tomorrow afternoon, right after closing time. As much as it would embarrass him to bring up his letter he would know she reciprocated his feelings, or that at least she was open to them, and that would give him the courage needed to ask her out. 

It was a solid plan, a great plan. And it would’ve worked, he was sure, if he hadn’t knocked over a banker lamp as he backed away from her office. The  antique bronze made a horrible noise as it collided with the floor, and the green shade shattered upon impact, making a mess.

“Who’s there?”

Fuck.

[jacepens]

1: HamilTurn(you can differentiate if needed) or MCU, 2: Washette, 3: Anna Strong

And generally a fandom list would be nice to know what to pick from ;) (Love you♡)

You said HamilTurn or MCU and I say both, I'm going to try my best haha. But anyway, thank you!:) Apologies in advance if this gets rambly, but that's the point of this right? Anyway, for ease of scrolling sake, I'll probably put a cut if this gets long but don't worry, it's just me talking a whole bunch lol. Ok, thank you again!! <3 (love you too!)

1. Hamilton/Turn (fandom)

Favorite character: I have to say Lafayette for both. Oh and Mary

Least favorite character: I have no real reason behind this so sorry but Burr, and Simcoe for many reasons

5 favorite ships: washette, lams, hamliza, benwash, whamilton

Character I find most attractive: ...all. But I have to say overall Brian Wiles as Lafayette. That face just…🥺

Character I would marry: Mary Woodhull or Eliza

Character I would be best friends with: you know I'm not sure, but in an ideal world Lafayette (both versions) or Ben but I feel like we wouldn't be best friends. But also everyone, is that an option? Even some of the "villains" would have good stories to tell

A random thought: I feel like most people in the fandom now are so new (they joined in with the movie release!) and unaware of the uh atrocities of back in the day. And y'all are lucky, but those of us who know. Know. (yes, I was unbearable but that's ok because I was having fun, and despite what I just said: have fun in your fandoms even if you're "unbearable", just keep it welcome to all and enjoy the enthusiasm you have for it:))

An unpopular opinion: Oh boy. Maybe stop making quick judgments about people based on what they write/who they ship? There is a line, but I've genuinely never seen it crossed by anyone at least openly sooo just let people have fun? And don't say anything about something? Unless it's actually harmful but even then, keep it to a dm or something and have an open discussion. Just let people vibe, please? Especially younger fans. Just, I’ve seen a weird amount of negativity towards them. They’re kids having fun, we all used to be like that so please, be kind and patient. They’ll learn if they make a mistake. Ok? Ok cool:) (maybe not unpopular but still I wanted to say it)

My canon OTP: Am I allowed to say lams?

My non-canon OTP: washette, wow, who would've guessed? xD

Most badass character: Mary my beloved

Most epic villain: Robert Rogers hands down

Pairing I am not a fan of: no one murder me, but in general I'm just not a fan of jamilton. also whatever was the deal with Anna and Abe

Characters I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): um. Where to begin? Honestly I think every woman in Turn at one point or another, except perhaps Peggy in my opinion. Oh but especially Anna. Also Simcoe. With Hamilton, probably again everyone at some point, but the way Angelica was written just feels so overwhelmingly fictional it bugs me. (But at least Hamilton had some genuine relationships between women, not great but still)

Favorite friendship(s): Ben and Caleb, Washington and Lafayette (what?? yes, you fools. lol). It may sound a tad ~cringey~ but I generally like Hamilton's vibe with the boys, maybe it's just the gender envy, but it's kinda cute and fun.

Character I most identify with: well jeez, I won't lie but Washington. In both versions, except god knows I could never be that chill. Also a dash of Laurens.

Character I wish I could be: wow what a loaded question ummm. I don't want to be like him, but I want to be like in his position so Hamilton lol. Playing an active role but I know personally I am not cut out for a battlefield, so a desk suits me well.

2. MCU (fandom-that I am so out of date from, please take all of this with a grain of salt)

Favorite character: so when I was younger it was Tony Stark but now it’s definitely Wanda and T’challa

Least favorite character: ummm. I genuinely couldn’t tell you, I’m very out of date

5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon): wandavision, …ngl I can’t think of anymore, I honestly never shipped many and wandavision was like the only couple I remember really liking. Oh, I don’t know them but Loki/Mobius and/or Sylvie

Character I find most attractive: embarrassing confession time, Loki was my first bad celebrity crush. Wanda now and Shuri is cute. Also Sylvie

Character I would marry: if I could, Wanda 

Character I would be best friends with: Vision and Peter Parker

A random thought: y’all it’s been so long since I’ve touched MCU I should catch up/refresh shouldn’t I?

An unpopular opinion: I don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion but I’m going to say it anyway. Personally, I really don’t like the movie Civil War, I think it’s what sorta made me disinterested in mcu. It’s been years since I’ve watched it so maybe I would have a completely different opinion if I saw it today, but at the time it just felt so...wrong? And childish? I literally don’t even remember why they were fighting or how that movie even ended (I feel like it just wasn’t satisfying??) but I think also, as a kid or teen watching that, it reminded me sooo much of the dumb drama that, you know, kids get into. I mean, getting your friends on someone’s side like that?? Like, I know they were mad but- but there are other ways of dealing with emotions??? And involving everyone's friends too? So yeah, it just felt off to me at the time, and looking back now, from what I remember, it just frustrated me. Especially as a kid who deals with dumb drama like that all the time, kids would want to see a better example especially from adult superheroes or at least not be reminded of the bs they have to go through sometimes. But, rant over, that’s all just my opinion:) 

My canon OTP: wandavision

My non-canon OTP: ummm. I guess just Loki/Mobius and/or Sylvie lol

Most badass character: I have to say Natasha but actually there are many

Most epic villain: when I was younger I liked that Ultron was voiced by Robert California from the Office lol

Pairing I am not a fan of: I don’t know if it’s popular but I never liked Tony and Pepper. What happened with her?

Characters I feel the writers screwed up: I guess I’ll say Thor because I just felt such a weird difference in his personality that did not make sense to me

Favorite friendship: Wanda and Pietro!! Honestly I think a lot, there were a lot of good friendships but I can’t think of which ones are my favorite

Character I most identify with: ummmmmm. 

Character I wish I could be: My gut says Thor

3. Washette (ship-bless you<3 get ready for rambles oh no)

When I started shipping them: So I first had the thought in 7th grade while my history teacher was talking about them and my little brain went: haha that’s pretty gay. (teacher keeps talking about them) wait a fucking minute, that is pretty gay! But it wasn’t until I got sucked into Hamilton that I really started actively shipping them by reading fics and what not, but something about them became an instant favorite. And later (little personal story time) I pretty much completely stopped reading fic and being active in fandom for years and actually, when I got my first panic attack that - no joke - lasted for 5 hours, for some reason my brain (as it’s decaying lol) said I want to go and reread all my favorite washette fics and also do what I was I always too scared to do. Write!! So that night I binged the fics and found myself falling in love again, feeling all the old passion I had for them again, and the next night (still very shaken) I wrote an outline of a good ol washette confession + kiss that was extremely thoughtful and good, and honestly, I have not actually used that outline yet! Maybe I’m saving it. But yeah, this is a long answer, but I have a weird amount of attachment to them and this ship, I wish I knew why too. <3 

My thoughts: so many. Too many. First of all, I love that I have so many versions of them in my mind, right? When I started writing, I had never watched Turn but then I did and then it was like: hell yeah, another washette set. At this point, my brain has created it’s own unique version of them but it’s like, they’re so versatile! That’s one neat thing about this fandom as a whole, we get more than one character and personality and that’s just fun right?! More specifically on washette I mean, they’re just so sweet. Historically, their relationship is unique and cute, and you’d have to be a fool to think that to Washington Lafayette was just another friend. Even strictly platonically, it was something special and it’s so obvious I just love them. Ok. Enough thoughts for now <3

What makes me happy about them: the loooove, the comfort they found in each other, the fact that like every person at the time documenting them knew and understood they were special to each other like, they were just that in love. 

What makes me sad about them: oh so much that I try to ignore lol. There is the one year when Lafayette went to France and all his letters to Wash are like: “I have not received one letter from you, but it’s ok, I love you and I know you love me too :)” WHO WAS NOT DELIVERING THESE LETTERS, I HAVE NAMES, NOW I WANT ANSWERS. Anyway, also just most things that happened when Laf went back to France. And then when he visited America in 1824 and visited Washington’s grave. Yeah. ow. (also, you know what, I have done too much research on this event. lmk if you would like a post)

Things done in fanfic that annoy me: Generally, I’m not annoyed by much in fanfic at least with them and what I’ve seen. I’m still nostalgic for the old school nonbinary Laf fics, so it ain’t those. Literally maybe it’s because I’m starved for content but I can’t really think of anything, I love it all.

Things I look for in fanfic: back to the whole starved for content thing, I am a library of washette fics but I think if I was to pick a certain thing that I would love it’s just um fluff? And honesty, if that makes sense. Love confessions are very good as well. Canon era, please :) pining but not too much that it hurts me lol

My wishlist: literally all my wips. If I could whisk them into existence I could die happy and knowing I have put a variety of washette content in the world. Something else though, more fics :’) I love writing but sometimes I want to curl up with a cozy, new washette fic like a cup of hot chocolate and be surprised and learn something new and just..yeah:)

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: what. Ok but actually, Martha and Adrienne because they are both honestly perfect for them and I love them too (I’m going to be biased, especially Adrienne)

My happily ever after for them: Can Lafayette just move the family to America? But also, it’s sad, but like I know Laf would be sad in America while France suffers. So...maybe a world where things in France go better and Lafayette gets to visit Washington more often and bring the family!! (Washington visit France too??)

4. Anna Strong (character)

How I feel about this character: I like her! She’s fun and…strong (oops lol) and she’s made some mistakes sure, but I feel like she did her best to learn from them and move on

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Honestly, I know they didn’t have a lot of interaction in the show but Anna/Mary has potential. And Anna/Edmund

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: her and Ben and Caleb

My unpopular opinion about this character: I really can’t think of anything unpopular

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: in general, her having more screen time with less men you know? I mean like one-on-one kind of scenes. Also I would’ve liked to see at least her and Selah talk. Like, really talk. They never really did that, right? I just have so many questions about them

Favorite friendship for this character: Anna and Ben

My crossover ship: I have no idea

And well, I know it’s been a few days but for a fandom list, I’m just a weeb lol but here

Octopath Traveler (my beloved)

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Star Wars

Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

Persona 4

Zelda (to a point)

Pokémon

What We Do in the Shadows

Sailor Moon

Literally anything historical

Ok!! I tried to add a lot because I’m not sure what you might know or not haha. But thank you again!! I had fun <3

[radramblog]

Rating the letters of the alphabet

I feel like part of my style of comedy is just rambling about shit and making loose connections between things as part of an overall bit. I think. I’m no expert on myself, unfortunately.

The inspiration for the following absolute load of shite is trying to search Tiermaker for nothing. Like, no characters in the search bar. Didn’t come up with anything. Did a search for just a space. No dice. What about just a? Surely that’ll bring up everything with an A in the title. But it didn’t, and I was somewhat disappointed.

Then my head started writing bits about letters and that’s how we got here. This is probably really stupid, but maybe it’ll at least be fun. Wordplay is cool, though maybe not my strong suit? Anyway.

A: A is one of the two letters that’s also just a word, as you’ve just seen, giving it a necessary promotion in rank. Not a lot of things get to double up like that, though with the “an” ligature maybe it’s actually a double or nothing. But because of the confusing common connection crossing contexts for the character, it gets somewhat awkward to talk about the letter in conversation. An A, in my opinion, A does not get. 4/5.

B: B is also just a word letter but unlike A when you write it out you have to stick a few extra letters on to make it work, making it not as good. But B’s association with bees isn’t enough, because in the year of our lord, like, 2019 or something, it would become inextrixably linked with shite memes as the B emoji became king. And I just don’t respect that. It’s otherwise a fine letter, dragged down by its company. 2/5.

C: Oh come on now, the word doesn’t even have a C in it anymore! You can sea the see without any of our tertiary letter’s involvement whatsoever. Not to mention how its two main sounds are just copies from other letters wholesale. C must be confusing to non-english speakers, I’d imagine. C as a grade gets what C as a grade typically entails for many a schoolchild. 3/5.

D: It would be remiss of me not to give a sterling grade to the D. Why, none of us would be here without it. While many a youth may find the D to be quite a humourous subject, I assure you I’m taking it with the gravest of sincerity when I say the D has got to be one of the best letters of all.

And by D I mean deity, of course. Wait, what did you think I meant? 5/5.

E: The absolute absurdity that is the E meme elevates E efficiently enough to excel beyond many another vowel. However, it is also the single most common letter in the English language, going so far as to open the damn name. It’s to the point where someone made a point of writing an entire book without using it, and I think Gadsby is cool but mayhaps avoiding fifth uncial was a bit showy. I can’t help but mark it down for the sake of hipster cred. 3/5.

F: F is for Fuck. I like the word Fuck. F is for paying respects. I think the military-industrial complex has poisoned our cultural landscape to the point that a reference to one of its most prized productions’ awkward moments has become one of the most colloquially used meme letters in existence, And That’s Terrible. 3/5, I’m conflicted.

G: Man literally who the fuck cares about G. What is it even good for. Just an absolute waste of a letter, total shithouse. It’s NATO equivalent is Golf, the Worst Sport, too. Who asked for any of this? Just use a J instead, it’s cooler. 1/5.

H: I’ve seen “Hhh” used enough times in written forms of pornography to not consider it a Horny Letter. That and it, being short for Hentai, is often used to denote adult material in Japan. Basically what im saying is, I think this gets worse the less sex-positive you are. 6/9.

I: I think I’ve said enough about letter words already, but I is another high-tier one because like A I is just it’s own thing. It can also, however, be a bit confusing, looking just like an l a lot of the time, and having to constantly capitalise it is a pain in the ass. I also don’t have a particularly high opinion of myself, so a high opinion of I seems disingenuous. 3/5.

J: Clearly the best letter, hands down. I’m definitely not biased. There are so few letters as underappreciated by J- a fact many a person who’s had to do that “assign yourself an alliterative adjective” icebreaker game has had to reckon with. Because it appears to be a lot more popular with names than with words, and that just kind of sucks. 6/5.

K: K has in some circles managed to bump off its partner to become yet another letter word, though in a very informal abbreviated sense. However, when you’re looking into scientific fields, eventually said partner returns, having lost some weight on the trip down to absolute zero. This all makes complete sense in my head, and I’m sure is a lot less funny to anyone who doesn’t live there. 4/5.

L: I’d argue that L doesn’t cop its namesake. It’s a really useful letter, loads of words use it, especially in pairs, and my ADHD-brain thought it was fun to just say LLLLLLLLLLL for a bit while I was thinking about this so I guess that’s staying in now. Put me down as an L Lobbyist. 4/5.

M: Mmmmmm. M&Ms. But also it’s kind of a pain to write. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. 3/5.

N: I’d like to fight whoever decided we should have two letters that sound so similar right bloody next to each other in the alphabet. Actually, who the fuck even decided the alphabet’s order to begin with? Maybe it should go M to N, that’ll bloody show you. 2/5.

O: Our fourth vowel, and perhaps one of the underappreciated ones. O is similarly a letter word, but a much more common one considering its use as an interjection. It’s also one half of a very powerful letter combo, as we’ll see. 4/5.

P: There’s the other half. Many a joke involves OP as a phrase, whether it mean overpowered or original poster, and the letters’ adjacency is a lovely bit of serendipity. Whenever I say P out loud, on its own, I have to resist the urge to do some incredibly shitty beatboxing, which may or may not be a good sign. 4/5.

Q: I was going to write some very harsh words about Q, and its dependency on U, but then I realised that that is probably hate speech against the disabled. It still sucks, though. 0/5.

R: R is the one I am most struggling to think of things to say about. R is another letter that’s just kinda there. I’m sure the Roberts and Rachels of the world would disagree with me, though. It’s also the name of a program that I know has traumatised a lot of young biologist wannabes, slapping us with a whole pile of maths and statistics when we just wanted to look at cool plants and shit. Or in my case, cool cells and shit. 2/5.

S: The most overrated consonant, but also the thing that makes plurals not a pain in the ass. However I’m going to lean towards giving S a positive rating, if only because it’s associated with snakesssss (and serpentine characters who can talk) and I like those. 3/5.

T: I don’t think T gets enough credit as one of the pillars of the English language. A lot of very common words feature it, and yet it feels like it never gets the same level of credit as big shots like S or half of the vowels. T is like the character actor of the alphabet, is basically what I’m saying. 4/5.

U: Ah, the letter Americans hate for some reason. I think this is actually commentary on the history of American politics. Because throughout history, America has been extremely selfish and self-centered, while attempting to present a positive image that people are finally seeing past. They only entered WWI and WWII when it was convenient for them, they started wars and initiated coups in even their allies for petty ideological reasons, and they’ve gone to war with several countries and funded wars with several others seeming just for shits and giggles. Because apparently if you’re not an American, then you’re not one of them, and that means they hate U. 4/5.

V: I actually think V is underrated. It’s a fun sound. That’s it, no joke here. It’s neat, I like it. 4/5.

W: This may come as a shock to you, but double-u over here is actually two Vs! unless you’re writing in cursive, but fuck cursive. The French actually have it right on this one, naming it double-v (pronounced doobleh-vay). Add in the fact that it’s literally just M upside down, and you’ve got a pretty shite letter. 1/5.

X: There’s a reason literally every “A is for Apple” thing you see made for kids uses Xylophone for X, and that’s because there are no commonly used words that start with it. Seriously, it’s all just scientific terms- I’d argue X-Ray is more common than Xylophone in common parlance, but also, who wants to explain imaging to a kid. It doesn’t even get a second page of words on Dictionary.com. X also has implications as a letter word, that I’d rather avoid at the moment. 2/5.

Y: Ah, Ygreck, everyone’s favourite “what the fuck, France?” moment. Between that and being sorta kinda not really a vowel, Y prompts its own question more often than I’d care to admit. 2/5.

Z: As a (technical) member of the generation associated with this letter- on the one hand, I’m sorry, on the other, y’all have it coming. The final letter of the alphabet, one of the other ones worth 10 in scrabble (and yet X isn’t???), and one we probably got pretty sick of in the early 00s when it was everywhere- ironically, when most of the generation was getting born. 2/5.

And that’s the lot of them. I hope this didn’t alienate any non-English speakers too hard. It’s probably fine.

Join me for more bullshit next time I have another stupid idea. I mean, tomorrow.

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

The Aftermath

Part two of the Subverted Expectations AU (aka the shy!remy + confident!logan au) (ty @notveryglittery for being able to think of names when I can’t) Part one here

Summary: Never trust a disaster queer to make good choices- aka, Remy runs from the cutie Content: Lots of swearing, reference to a bad relationship, Remy being a disaster queer for a lot of reasons, nb!Remy, agender!Logan, and polygender!Virgil Pairings: Sibling sleepxiety, future romantic losleep (these pairings apply for the whole au) Notes: This one-shot may not be super exciting a read, since I’m focusing more on plot/world building in this one, but I have a lot of one-shots lined up to follow, so... yeah. that’s a thing.

~~

    Remy wasn’t sure how many more words were spoken between vim and Logan before vy ran, but vy was pretty sure it wasn’t many. As soon as Logan had flashed that fucking smirk and called vim pretty, vy was well aware that if vy didn’t take preventive measures, vy was going to die right there, on some random lawn with party music blaring in the background.

    So, as soon as vy trusted vimself to stand, Remy got up and sprinted away as fast as vir legs would take vim. Vy was pretty sure vy heard Logan call after vim, but vy didn’t care. Vy knew what ne wanted: vir death. Vy refused to let nym take vir life. Remy planned to lose that thing via a caffeine overdose.

    Vy spotted vir house soon enough, Remy more than glad for the fact that the party vy had been pulled to was only a few blocks away from vir house. Normally, vy’d have to convince Roman to drive vim home, and given how utterly hopeless of a romantic Roman was, Remy knew that wouldn’t have worked out in vir favor.

    Key already in hand, Remy had the door open only a few seconds after vy came to it, quickly slamming it shut and throwing the deadbolt once vy was properly inside. Finished, vy turned and pressed vir back against the door, sliding down it and letting out a relieved breath.

    “Alright, motherfucker, I’ve got a bat and I’m not afraid to- Remy?”

    Remy looked up at Virgil, raising an eyebrow at them. She was welding a wooden baseball bat, which he was now lowering upon realizing it was only Remy.

    “I don’t think you’re supposed to announce your approach.” Remy snarked.

    “I figured it was just some drunk kid about to make a mistake.” Virgil responded, letting the top of the bat rest against the carpet as they leaned her weight on it. “Looks like I wasn’t too far off.”

    “Hey! I’m not drunk!” Remy exclaimed, offended as vy glared at Virgil (though the action was pointless given Remy’s sunglasses hid vir annoyed gaze). “I’m stupid, not an idiot.”

    “And yet you’re slamming doors at eleven o’clock at night!” Virgil yelled back, more exasperated than angry. “Why the hell are you doing that?”

    Remy crossed vir arms and slumped further against the door. “I was running away from someone.”

    Virgil’s eyes widened. “Were they trying to hurt you?” He asked, beginning to lift the bat back up.

    “Worse- they were trying to KILL me!”

    Virgil lowered the bat. “Oh. You saw someone cute.”

    “No!” Remy protested, although as soon as vy spoke vy knew vir tone was too adamant for Virgil to believe vim. “I wouldn’t- I don’t run away from cuties, Virge, I run towards them.”

    “Bullshit.” Virgil replied. “I know how much of a disaster queer you are. Though normally you just hide off in some corner or another, not run all the way home.”

    “Yeah, well, if home’s close-”

    “No, that’s not it.” Virgil cut vim off, looking thoughtful. Before they could hazard a guess as to the real answer, however, there was a set of three clean, precise knocks on the front door. Remy froze.

    “Ne followed me home.” Remy said, going pale. “Fuck.”

    Virgil raised an amused eyebrow. “What did you expect to happen? You were probably in the middle of talking to whoever this is and ne got worried when you suddenly sprinted off.”

    “I expected nym to let me flee in embarrassment and be done with it!” Remy exclaimed, ignoring when another set of knocks echoed out. “It would’ve been the polite thing to do, anyways.”

    Virgil’s face broke out into a wide grin. “Well ne’s here now…”

    Remy’s mouth dropped open. “You wouldn’t dare.”

    Virgil’s grin only grew as she called out, loud enough for the person outside the door to hear, “Just a moment!”

    “I hate you.” Remy hissed as vy got up and pushed past Virgil, moving to hide in the living room. Vy could’ve tried to remain in front of the door, blocking Virgil, but vy knew the chance that Virgil would just shove vim out of the way and open the door while Remy was still in sight was too high. Virgil just chuckled and pulled open the front door.

    Though Remy didn’t dare risk peeking around the corner of the room to watch the exchange, vy knew that it was Logan Virgil opened the door to before their conversation had even begun.

    “Good evening, Mx…?”

    “Just call me Virgil. Pronouns on the necklace.” Virgil answered, and Remy didn’t need to see him to know they were tapping her pronoun necklace, currently bearing his he-she-they charms. “And you are?”

    “Logan Raven, ne-nym-nir pronouns, non-gendered terms.” Logan introduced nymself politely, which Remy considered very rude and misleading given that Logan was only here to further murder Remy.

    “Well then, Mx. Raven, how can I help you?”

    “I’m looking for someone- I believe vy ran into this house?” Logan said, prompting Remy to shrink further into the living room in a weak attempt to hide vimself even more. “Vy’s a high school senior, goes by Remy?��

    Holy shit the fuck why the hell does ne know my name-

    “You know vir name?” Virgil asked, also sounding surprised- though not nearly as surprised as Remy felt while vy was having a small crisis of identity over why one of the most popular kids would know vir name.

    “Of course. I make it my business to know the name of the prettiest student in school.”

    Remy was going to die. This was illegal, vy was pretty sure, to compliment-kill someone while they weren’t even around. Not to mention the fact that it was a lie- had Logan seen nymself?  Ne already knew the name of the prettiest student in school because ne had been born with it.

    “We’re also in two of the same classes.”

    Now, Remy frowned. Two of the same classes? Vy was fairly sure vy’d remember if Mx. Logan Raven was in vir classes-

    Oh fuck.

    Oh fuck.

    “I like that reason better. Less creepy.” Virgil said, their and Logan’s conversation continuing despite the realizations and breakdowns Remy was having. “And Remy might live here. Can I ask what you want with vim?”

    “Just to make sure vy was safe. Suddenly running away from someone is a bit worrying for the other person, after all.” Logan said, and Remy really hoped vy was imagining the hint of genuine worry in nir tone. “Oh, and to give vim this.”

    Remy heard a slight rustle that must have been Logan pulling something out of nir pocket before silence as ne (presumably) handed whatever it was over to Virgil.

    “Is this… a business card?” Virgil asked, sounding confused.

    “I normally hand them out to bigots who claim it’s too hard to use my pronouns.” Logan explained. “But I wrote my cell phone number on the back of this one- so Remy can call me, whenever vy wants.”

    “I see.” Virgil said. “Would you like to give this to vim personally?”

    “No thank you.” Logan responded, and Remy had never been happier to hear those words. “I know how to respect a boundary when I see one. Besides, I will be seeing vim at school tomorrow either way.”

    Virgil chuckled in a way that Remy knew meant she was laughing at vir expense. “That you will.”

    “It has been a pleasure speaking to you, Virgil. I hope you have a lovely rest of your night.” Logan said respectfully, pausing for a moment before adding, “And you as well, Remy.”

    Though Remy was well aware Logan couldn’t actually see vim- ne had likely just guessed that Remy would be listening into the conversation- vy still froze in place, as if by holding still vy could make vimself disappear. Vy remained stock-still until the sound of receding footsteps was replaced by the door closing and Virgil approaching vim.

    “So,” Virgil said as he came to stand in front of Remy, offering vim a small rectangle that Remy assumed was Logan’s ‘business card’, “that’s the kid who’s trying to kill you? Because ne doesn’t really seem like a killer.”

    Remy snatched the card away from Virgil vy replied, “Then your first impression of nym wasn’t a very good one.”

    Virgil laughed while Remy studied the card. The front of it was simplistic, the cardstock tinted a dark blue while black letters spelled out ‘Logan R.’, nir pronouns written beneath nir name. Flipping it over, Remy found the promised number- written out in a neat, blocky font, with a heart added to the end of it. The heart was small, and drawn with sharper edges than a heart ought to have, but it was still a heart, and it still brought a blush to Remy’s cheeks.

    “I’m going to burn this.” Vy vowed.

    “Why?” Virgil asked, tone a mix of amusement and bewilderment. “Ne’s a pretty kid and you both clearly have an interest in each other. This can’t be the worst thing to happen to you.”

    “It’s not just that.” Remy said, moving past Virgil so that vy could start pacing the room, still fiddling with the business card in hand. “Logan’s one of the most popular kids in the entire school, Virge- I didn’t even know ne knew I existed!”

    “You guys are in classes together.” Virgil pointed out as they moved to sit on the couch, watching Remy pace.

    “I sit in the back! I try to pretend the room’s empty! I don’t notice who else is there!” Remy exclaimed. “And even then, why does Logan care? Why would ne notice me?!”

    “Because you’re pretty?” Virgil answered mockingly, only getting a half-hearted glare from Remy in return before vy returned to vir frantic pacing. Virgil sighed. “Okay, come on. Something about this has you really bothered, and it’s nothing you’ve said so far. What’s so wrong about having a cool cutie like you?”

    Remy glanced at Virgil, briefly stopping vir pace, before starting again, not answering. The silence stretched for a moment before Remy said, abruptly, “Ne’s my soulmate.”

    “...So the cool cutie is also your soulmate, thereby allowing you to love nym without even having to worry about society trying to beat you upside the head because of it.” Virgil said, looking at Remy like vy was acting funny. “I still don’t see the problem.”

    “Well, problem A, I’m a queer disaster who can’t look at nym without blushing, so honestly, rude of the universe to pair us together.” Remy said, letting out a dry laugh at vir own words. When vy glanced at Virgil, however, she only raised an eyebrow, waiting for the part Remy wasn’t saying. Remy sighed, finally stopping in vir pacing to fall onto an armchair. “Problem B, our family’s view of soulmates isn’t exactly the norm. Most people think that if you’re soulmates, you have to be meant for each other. Logan barely knows me and yet ne’s calling me pretty and giving me nir number and I just-”

    “You don’t want nym chasing after nir soulmate and not you?” Virgil finished, and Remy nodded, looking down at the card vy kept folding and unfolding.

    “I don’t want to end up like mom and dad.” Remy admitted quietly.

    “Mom and dad are fucked up.” Virgil replied, getting a laugh from Remy. “You’d have to mess up pretty badly to end up like them. And I don’t think Logan’s as bad as you’re making nym out to be.”

    “Ne’s a murderer, Virge, and I’m nir new victim.” Remy said, waving Logan’s card at Virgil. “Ne’s popular, and confident, and fucking gorgeous as hell, and way too smart to be in my classes, and ne’s focusing all of nir charm on me, just like a murderer-”

    “Sounds like someone’s been obsessing.” Virgil interrupted, smirking when Remy flushed. “I’m just saying.”

    “This is why I hate you.” Remy said, though there was no heat in vir words, only in vir cheeks. Virgil laughed as Remy got up, heading towards vir room. “I’m going to go to bed and pretend neither you nor Logan exist.”

    “You know you have to face nym tomorrow, right?”

    “Considering I’m currently in denial, no.” Remy answered as vy headed down the hall, ignoring the rest of Virgil’s laughter as vy entered vir room and shut the door behind vim. Vy leaned against the door for a moment, letting out a sigh as vy once more examined Logan’s card and nir number and that damned little heart.

    Vy glanced at the trashcan sitting next to vir dresser. Vy really should just throw it away. The only thing the card was doing was making vim feel flustered for no good reason. Pushing vimself off the door, Remy headed over to vir trash can, holding the card over it…

    ...before tossing it onto vir dresser instead. After all, it was always important to have a reference to someone’s pronouns on hand. That was why vy was keeping it. Definitely. No other reason.

    Remy sighed, pushing vir hands up under vir sunglasses and pressing the palms against vir eyes. Instead of the thoughtless darkness vy had been hoping for, however, blocking out all the light simply sharpened the image of a cocky, smirking Logan in vir mind, which was the opposite of what vy was going for. Remy groaned as vy removed vir hands from vir eyes, going back to turn off the lights before half-stumbling to vir bed.

    Vy dropped vir sunglasses unceremoniously on top of vir night table before vy fell on top of vir bed, unconcerned by the fact that vy was sleeping in vir clothes. Remy had more important things to be concerned with, after all- like how vy was going to survive almost an entire school year avoiding Logan. All vy had to do was become invisible. Or drop-out of school. Or punch Logan and make nym hate vim.

    Remy’d figure out something. It couldn’t be that hard to avoid the coolest kid in school who was in some of your classes and knew where you lived, right?

    Drowning in denial, Remy fell asleep.

[xiaomoxu]

MLQC CN Lucien (Xu Mo) Long Day Date Part 3 & 4

SPOILERS AHEAD!!

It's Xu Mo Birthday which has released on CN server. I'm doing translation for personal reason, so I'm sorry if there's some mistranslation. Kindly tell me if you found some :) feel free for read it~ ^^

Read Part 1 & 2 here

PART 3

I poured the white tea-scented batter into the mold Xu Mo handed over, and couldn't help sighing.

MC: So you knew it from the beginning, including the gifts I prepared...

Xu Mo: Knowing what you want me to do is not the same as seeing you doing these things for me.

MC: But this is not a surprise!

Xu Mo: Is it important to you to surprise me? Then I can be more surprised next time.

Xu Mo smiled, unscrewed the faucet, reached out to test the temperature, and rinsed my battered hand under the warm water.

I watched the water flow down, and he wrapped my palms, tacitly obeyed.

MC: Forget it, I just want you to be a little more happy on your birthday, and I don't really have to surprise you.

Xu Mo: Your presence is the biggest surprise to me.

His lowered voice fell on my ears, and the heat spread to my heart. I couldn't help giving him a chin on the top of my head to cover up the fluctuations in my heart.

Xu Mo closed the water, pulled the plain cotton cloth on one side, and drew it dry.

My heart is beating between fingers and fingers. Xu Mo was very calm, his palms were dry and warm.

Xu Mo: Having been busy for so long, wanna take a break now?

MC: It's okay, I'm not very tired.

Xu Mo's voice seemed to have a magical power, and people couldn't help but relax after hearing it. Although I said that I was not tired, I yawned naturally.

Xu Mo: Take a break.

When I came to the living room, the autumn sunshine outside the window filled the room, and it seemed warm. I looked at the soft sofa, really tired.

Xu Mo : Are you going to bed?

MC: No, no need! I'll just lie down here.

Xu Mo: Alright then, I'll get a blanket.

I quickly found a place to lie down on the sofa, and there was a text book and Xu Mo's coffee on the coffee table.

I picked up a book at random, and when I opened it, it was full of some difficult proper nouns, which completely exceeded my vocabulary, which made me feel sleepy.

Xu Mo: Are you interested in quantum mechanics?

MC: What?

I raised my neck and looked at Xu Mo who was walking over with the blanket in hand. His smile was very reserved, and I suddenly had the urge to not admit defeat.

MC: Hmm! But the words in this book are too small. It makes my eyes dizzy.

Xu Mo: Then, I read it for you?

Xu Mo sat beside me, covering me with the blanket.

The heat on his body attracted me inexplicably, and when he approached, I could smell the white tea scent left by the cake.

Xu Mo: Lie down, you will sleep better.

Xu Mo pointed to his leg. I hesitated for three seconds, still unable to hold back my greedy heart, blushing and lying down curled up.

MC: It's... really warm.

I raised my head and looked at the superior line of Xu Mo's jaw. He lowered his head and smiled at me, picking up his glasses and the original book on one side

Xu Mo: Then I started?

MC: Ah? Ah! Okay.

Xu Mo began to read the difficult original book. His voice is elegant and gentle, and every turn is like a sprout that has just broken through the soil, touching my heart softly.

I can't understand most of the words in his mouth, but the soft voice is like a flowing waltz. Just listening to it makes me happy.

Before I knew it, I slowly closed my eyes, and gradually stepped into the dark and sweet...

MC: Ah.. what time is it?

When I opened my eyes again, there was a faint warmth in front of my eyes, and a light smile sounded in my ears.

Xu Mo: Woke up?

The darkness in front of me exposed layers of crevices, and bright sunlight came in. I sat up slowly and saw Xu Mo sitting beside me smiling at me.

Xu Mo: I thought... you could sleep a little longer.

He took off his glasses in one hand and still held the original book of quantum mechanics in the other.

I rubbed my eyes, still a little sleepy. The sunlight came over from behind him, and for a while, I was almost uncertain whether I was still in a dream.

His shirt looked a little messy for some reason, and a few buttons were loosened, revealing the usual hidden lines.

My eyes circled back and forth, still a little startled, swallowing water involuntarily.

Xu Mo looked down at my sight and smiled slightly.

Xu Mo: You untied this.

MC: What?!

Xu Mo: You don't seem to be very honest when you fall asleep.

MC: What

I finally woke up, and this time I was so sober, I almost jumped off the sofa.

Xu Mo: What's wrong, don't you want to be responsible?

The smile on Xu Mo's lips grew thicker. I stared at him with widened eyes for a long time, and finally felt wrong with the sense of smell that I had cultivated through the past two years with him.

MC: You are teasing me again

I grabbed the pillow at hand and threw it over, Xu Mo caught it with a smile, and sighed regretfully.

Xu Mo: I thought you were a very responsible person.

MC: What kind of sense of responsibility is this? Childish! Cunning!

I held the pillow and launched a series of attacks, Xu Mo just parried, and did not fight back.

When I was tired, I realized that our distance had become much closer at some point

Xu Mo: Do you want to be responsible to me in this way?

He gently pulled my arm and I almost reached his chest.

I could clearly hear his steady heartbeat, and there was still the faint white tea aroma under his nose.

MC: Ah! My cake!

Xu Mo: It has been taken out and is cooling.

Xu Mo calmly supported me who almost jumped up. I looked in the direction of the kitchen, and only then did I see the closed oven.

MC: what time is it now?

Xu Mo: It's noon. I ordered food for delivery, should we have lunch first?

MC: I touched my stomach and quickly agreed.

The lunch Xu Mo ordered was Chinese food, which tasted very authentic. I asked him where the takeaway order was, but he said there was no takeaway order.

MC: How do you know the phone number?

Xu Mo: ....I remember that.

Looking at Xu Mo's plain expression, I marveled at his genius memory, and once again felt subtle.

After eating, I went back to the sofa and wanted to help him organize his books

I picked up the original book on the coffee table and went to the bookshelf in the corner.

Looking at the books in hand, I suddenly found that the title pages of these books are signed by a small pen: L.X.

MC: Strange... how does it resemble Xu Mo's English name?

When I came to the bookshelf, I couldn't help but admire again, and ran my fingers across the neatly arranged spine of the book.

The bookshelves in this hotel are amazing, they are more like the residents' personal collection, rather than the popular books that other hotels will put.

I looked at the rows of unreadable English letters, and quickly noticed a brown book on the top.

MC: What is this? No name?

I climbed the small ladder to retrieve the book and took down the book without a title. The cover is made of antique leather, and when you open it, you can even see the floating dust.

Xu Mo: What are you doing?

MC: Woah!

Xu Mo's voice suddenly rang from behind me, I turned around abruptly, shaking my hand, and the brown book fell to the ground.

Xu Mo: Be careful!

I fell back from the ladder and was in a warm and firm embrace. And the man was frowning, looking at me intently and nervously.

Xu Mo: Did I scare you?

MC: No! I am always in a panic. Ah, I just dropped a notebook, let's see if there is anything wrong.

Xu Mo: It's you who should confirm that there is nothing wrong.

MC: I'm fine! When setting up the shooting scene, I often climb up and down like this, hahahaha

Xu Mo's eyes remained on me, faintly showing the inexplicable gloominess gradually turned into helplessness. I dare not look deeply and pick up the notebook that has fallen on the ground.

MC: This is...

When I saw what was falling out of the notebook, I was stunned for a while.

MC: Xu Mo..

Xu Mo gave a hum, then suddenly thought of something, and smiled softly.

Xu Mo: Did you still find out

I held the yellowed photo with two fingers, turned my head, and looked at the man in front of me.

MC: Why are there photos of you when you were a kid here?

PART 4

MC: Hahahahahaha! You were so cute when you were young!

Xu Mo: Is it cute? I don't seem to be described that way.

I don’t know how long it took, and Xu Mo and I were still looking through this old photo album on the sofa. I pressed against his warm body, and gradually forgot the time.

After uncovering this treasure, I almost opened the door to a new world about Xu Mo, and I had many questions about every photo.

Xu Mo patiently answered me one by one. For some reason, he always seemed to have a self-sustaining calmness about his past, not excited, nor missed.

MC: So why didn't you tell me this in the beginning this your apartment?

Xu Mo: It's just a residence, it's not very different from a hotel.

MC: How come?! You have been living here when you were studying in the UK, this is your home, right?

Xu Mo's face seemed to be slightly moved, but he quickly returned to his calm and faint smile.

Xu Mo: From the perspective of property ownership, it can be understood this way.

After learning that this is the place where Xu Mo once lived, all the subtle feelings this apartment gave me can be explained.

The X on the doorplate is too homey and familiar, the white rice and tea in the kitchen, and the special bookshelf and the signature on the book...

I didn't expect this person to be so cunning that he would bring me to his home again without knowing it.

MC: Wow, how old were you? There is cake cream on your face, not that you don’t eat sweets is it?

Xu Mo: It was when I was 6 years old. I didn't eat that time either.

MC: Eh?

Turning back a few pages, I gradually discovered that all Xu Mo's photos seemed to be 7 years old.

Thinking of the scenes I saw in my dream before, I couldn't help but squeeze.

I looked up at Xu Mo beside me. In the setting sun, his eyebrows were covered with a faint blood red, and I couldn't help but clenched his hand

MC: Xu Mo...

Xu Mo: What happened?

MC: Nothing, just, suddenly.....

Perhaps it was my palm that conveyed some uneasy emotions. Xu Mo looked at me and quickly showed a soothing smile, touching the back of my hand.

Xu Mo: it's already over. Now, I am by your side.

MC: ..... I am a little unhappy because there is no me in your past!

MC: In the future, we should read our memories book on this day.

Xu Mo stared at me for a long time. After a long silence, his eyebrows finally opened with a long-lost relaxed smile.

Xu Mo: Well, it's like the memories book you prepared for me last year.

MC: We will have many memories books.

I shook my head vigorously, trying to get rid of the anxiety and worries that had just surged in my heart. A light from outside the window came in. I was shocked by the passing of time.

MC: Ah! It's already this time, the cake is not finished yet!

Xu Mo: Don't worry, there is still a while before dinner is ordered.

I hurriedly stood up and looked at Xu Mo's appearance in his spare time. He always seems to anticipate all my flaws and make all arrangements.

I looked at his eyebrows and pulled his hand.

MC: Let's do it together!

Xu Mo's face was slightly blank, and he quickly recovered.

Xu Mo: I haven't done it. Wouldn't it matter if you accidentally spoil your gift?

MC: But you are the most important part of the gift! Doing this with you will make it more meaningful!

Xu Mo stared at me in depth and light for a few rounds. It seemed more mysterious in the twilight, but it made me feel at ease.

He nodded slightly and said yes.

Xu Mo: Then you should teach me carefully

I cheered and pulled him to the counter to take out the cake then start to make the cream.

Xu Mo watched me cut through the cake base skillfully, pour the cream and fruit layer by layer, and his face seemed to be in a trance.

MC: Come, put cream in.

I handed him the decorating tool unceremoniously, and he was shocked for a few seconds, and began to use a rigorous method of experimentation.

I looked at him cautiously and couldn't help but laughed.

Xu Mo: ....Is the way I am now, funny?

MC: No! Wait a minute!

Before Xu Mo could react, I rushed to the suitcase and fetched a Polaroid. I took a photo of Xu Mo holding the cream bag from a distance.

Xu Mo's face was caught off guard, and he laughed again soon.

Xu Mo: Are you going to leave me here alone, teacher?

MC: Don't panic, I am coming!

I put the Polaroid on the edge of the table and began to teach Xu Mo how to squeeze the cream into various decorative shapes.

MC: It’s not that difficult, you see, it’s like drawing...

As expected to be a genius who mastered a scalpel, Xu Mo quickly learned the trick and squeezed a gardenia shape on the cake.

MC: Wow, that's amazing! I have been studying for so long, but I still can't do this level.

Xu Mo: It's more interesting than imagined.

With the help of Xu Mo, the cake gradually took shape. Every line is beautiful and smooth.

After finishing decorating, there is some cream left in the bag. Xu Mo's gaze swept around and suddenly fell on my finger.

Xu Mo: Let me do another exercise.

MC: What?

I haven't reacted yet, Xu Mo has already pulled my left hand and skillfully squeezed a snow-white gardenia on my ring finger.

Xu Mo: Do you like it?

I looked at the delicate white flowers like sculptures on my fingers, and couldn't help but blush.

MC: .... this is a waste.

Xu Mo: It won't be wasted.

My heart jumped, only to see Xu Mo lowered his head and leaned close to my finger, the back of the finger was warm and warm, and that white gardenia had been accepted by him.

MC: Xu Mo! What....

Xu Mo: Well, it seems to be sweeter than the one on the cake.

Xu Mo's long and narrow eyes showed a bright light, and my heart was beating like a drum. It took a long time to react and hurriedly withdrew my hand.

MC: No, don't challenge the teacher thinking that you have learned it! Now you have to learn to write!

I hurriedly took out the jam and the one-size French flower, but because I was too panic, I couldn't find a suitable filter.

Xu Mo's hand stretched out from behind, and accurately inserted the metal filter into the cut piping bag

Xu Mo: can we start?

MC: ....Okay, thank you.

His arms are warm and strong, and the mood that has just been disrupted finally stabilizes a little bit. I installed the jam and cleared my throat.

MC: The next sentence I wrote is a demonstration for you.

While I was talking, I moved my wrist and wrote this line solemnly in front of his eyes.

Happy Birthday to Mr. X

MC: Did you see it clearly?

Xu Mo: Yes, clearly.

The voice seemed to stop for a while before it sounded deep, and when it fell to my ears, it shocked my heart with countless gentle ripples.

It seems that this day's rush, or everything that has been done for this person in the past, hundreds of days and nights of company, have a place to stay.

The dusk outside the window gradually deepened, and the street lights on the street came on. The warm lights in the house surround us, and the sweet creamy aroma persists.

Xu Mo: Thank you.

MC: .... It's your turn.

Xu Mo took the piping bag in my hand, and suddenly wrapped my waist with his other hand, pulling me over.

His magnified face caught in my eyes, my chest was full, but I couldn't bear to look away.

MC: Write well..

Xu Mo: Okay, I'm writing.

His other hand walked skillfully on the cake behind me, but his eyes were tightly locked on my face, gentle and relaxed, with ease.

MC: What are you writing?

I wanted to look back, but he was firmly clamped on. His approaching face made me unable to escape, I could only hit his forehead and listen to him whispering.

Xu Mo: It doesn't matter what I wrote. More importantly, thank you that you're here with me.

I also remembered that when I met Xu Mo at the airport, he was confident that there was always a certainty in his eyes that I couldn't see through.

MC: So what is your third basis?

Xu Mo paused, smiling slowly.

Xu Mo: it's you.

MC: What do you mean?

Xu Mo: Because it is you, I know you will come.

I blinked, a little unconvinced.

MC: Anyway, Professor Xu has always known everything.

Xu Mo chuckled lightly, his warm lips pressed against me, his breath with the aftertaste of buttery gardenia.

Before closing my eyes, I had already peeked from the corner of the light that he had written on the chocolate card.

Maybe I have long been used to letting go of everything in front of this omniscient person.

Just like everything he put down to me

Xu Mo: starting today, here is...

The second half of his sentence was hidden between his lips, and it became the eternal secret of this day.

And the small letters on the row of chocolate cards still appeared in front of my eyes.

1115 with you, at home.

-END-

Thank you for reading ><

[softboywriting]

A Perfect Fall

Summary: You and Shawn have been best friends for most of your lives and since you were a teenager you’ve had a crush on him. He has no idea, or so you think. Things are about to change, and all it takes is a trip to the best pumpkin patch around for true feelings to surface. [fluff] [best friends to lovers] [fall/autumn theme]

Word Count: 4k

|Masterlist In Bio|

If someone were to ask you your favorite color you would say gold. Gold like the leaves on the trees in the middle of October. Gold like the letters of Shawn’s last name gilded across the back of the letter man jacket that sits over your desk chair at home that he left there a year ago. Gold like the sun going down over the river on a cool autumn night. But most of all, gold, like the color Shawn's eyes are when he sits across from you in a barn an hour from your house and stares out at horses in the nearby corral. He's beautiful. Breathtaking. Outstanding in every way. He's your best friend in the entire world and he has no idea that you're completely gone for him, or does he? Let's go back to how this day started.

Beeping, incessant, droning beeping. The sound of your alarm clock going off at its regular time, seven in the morning. Right now you should be getting up and making yourself appear to be somewhat human before heading to class, praying you remembered all of your homework. You should be scrambling through your kitchen, grabbing a banana for breakfast as you head out to meet Shawn in his Jeep. Not this week though. It's the first day of Thanksgiving break and you're so happy to be able to smash that snooze button and bury your face into a pillow.

Your phone goes off, a low buzz buzz against the pillow your head is on. You've almost fallen back to sleep, nearly reached that floaty state of perfect warmth under the blankets that gives you an express ticket to dreamland. Almost.

Buzz buzz.

"For the love of everything holy, can you go away?" You groan angrily into the pillow. As if the phone might switch itself into silent mode out of pure fear. That would be that day wouldn't it?

Buzz buzz.

You slide your hand under the pillow and extract your phone, turn your head just enough to see the screen and lay it against the pillow next to you. Three missed messages.

Shawn: you awake?

Shawn: get up loser i have coffee

Shawn: I'll come in there

You drop the phone on its face and tug your blanket up over your head. If he wants you to get up on your first day of this mini vacation from the hell that is your second year of college, he can come get you his damn self. He may be your best friend, and yes, you may be head over heels for him, but getting up early on vacation happens for no man.

The sound of rattling outside your window followed by a dull thump is a dead giveaway that Shawn has scaled your mother's new trellis and tripped on the old shingles of the back patio roof. Clumsy and dumb. That's Shawn for you.

"Get up, hey," he talks against the glass as if you'll hear him better by doing so but ends up only muffling his voice further. "I know you're up."

"Go away!"

"No!"

The latch on the window wiggles, you can hear a familiar scrape of his student ID card from his wallet against the wood of the window frame. You watch as the ancient lock flips 180 degrees and the window slides up, sending a cold gust of morning air into your bedroom.

"You're a dick." Shawn grumbles, squeezing through the narrow window frame. He's had trouble getting through it since freshman year of high school. Really the only reason he's climbing through it now is to avoid making too much noise coming in the front door and enduring the wrath of your dad who is surely still asleep because he works nights at the packing plant in town. Shawn woke him up once by just walking too loudly and that was enough.

"You're a dick for waking me up on my vacation." You roll over and face the wall.

Shawn flops on the bed, leaning over across your legs and waving something in your face. "I am not, I'm the best person ever."

"Nope."

"Come on! Look at the tickets!"

You slip your hand out of the blankets and snatch the papers from Shawn's hand. Two all access passes to the Friendly Farms Pumpkin Patch. You narrow your eyes at him and he raises his eyebrows. This is such an unfair move. He knows how much you love pumpkin patches and he knows that you've never been to the Friendly Farms Pumpkin Patch because it's so far away and it usually costs an arm and a leg if you don't buy preseason passes.

"Eh? Whatdya say? Me, you, old J-Bone and the open road to the best place to get your pumpkins this side of the river?"

You groan and drop the tickets on the pillow. "Okay! Okay fine I'll get up." You shove the blanket back and it covers his lap. "But stop calling the Jeep "J-Bone" it's so weird."

"She has a name okay, and I'm gonna call her by it."

You sit up and shove him down on the bed. "Freak."

"Only for you." He smirks, sticking his tongue out and making lewd licking motions.

"Oh God please stop." You throw your pillow at his face and get up to get dressed in whatever was semi clean. Laundry had taken a backseat to classwork these days, you’re planning on catching up during the break.

One big hoodie, Shawn's that he left at your house a few days ago, a pair of leggings under some fitted sweatpants and a lopsided ponytail later and you're ready to go. As promised Shawn has a coffee in the Jeep for you as well as a croissant breakfast sandwich.

"How long is this drive again?" You ask over a mouth full of buttery sausage and egg goodness. "An hour?"

"An hour and a half."

"I'm gonna go to sleep then."

Shawn chuckles. He pulls the Jeep out of your driveway and heads for the highway. "I have a feeling you'll stay awake."

"Why's that?"

"The drive is too beautiful to miss."

_________________________________

Shawn is absolutely correct. The drive down the highway is way too incredible to miss for just a few more minutes of sleep. Of course you've seen the trees around your town turn shades of red, orange and yellow before but driving through open roads where trees grow in massive forests completely unbridled by man, is an experience you won't soon forget. Never in your life have you seen so many different hues of fall colors at one time.

"Shawn, pull over, I need to get out and do something."

Shawn looks over and quickly turns off the highway onto the shoulder where the gravel meets the grass. "Everything okay?"

"More than okay." You grin and unbuckle your seatbelt. You open the passenger door and slide out, leaving the door open as you tromp across the grass to the edge of the forested area. Behind you Shawn kills the engine and you can hear his door open then close followed by your door being closed.

"What are you doing?" He laughs, following you into the trees. "We're not even at the pumpkin patch and you're going crazy."

"I've been crazy. You know that, come on, we've been friends for how long?"

"Twelve years and counting."

You stop before a tree that has bring pinkish red leaves on it. They're like no others around it and you pick up a few of the ones that have fallen. "Pink leaves." You hold them out and Shawn takes one.

"These are pretty. I've never seen them this color."

"Take my picture? I wanna remember this tree forever."

Shawn takes your phone and types in your pass code to unlock it. He's the only person on the planet who knows it beside you and you know his as well. "Alright, do you wanna pose or something?"

"I'm gonna throw a bunch of leaves up in the air and if you can, try to snap the picture as they fall around me?"

"I'll do my best." He chuckles and kneels down a bit to get you in full frame for a better angle.

"Okay on three? One, two, three!" You fling an arm full of leaves up into the air and laugh as they rain down over you.

"Nailed it."

"Really?!" You rush over and Shawn hands you the phone. Sure enough it's you standing and grinning at the leaves as they fall around you with the pink tree in the background. "Oh my God it's perfect."

Shawn puts his arm around you and starts walking back to the Jeep. "I've been messing around with my friend Josiah's camera a bit. He showed me a few tricks for everyday stuff."

"Oh wow, fancy boy."

"Shut up, I am not fancy."

"Fancy pants Mendes learning all the tips and tricks on photography to pick up chicks."

He scoffs. "Yeah, as if. I just wanted to try it out. Josiah takes some awesome photos and it looks so easy, I was curious how he did it."

"I'm just teasing you Shawn." You pat his chest as you reach the Jeep and he pulls his arm away from you. "I think it's cool that you're interested in photography. It's definitely something that could be useful one day."

"Like taking photos of you today."

You smile and let out a little laugh. "Yeah, definitely like today."

Shawn gets in the Jeep and you haul yourself up into the passenger's seat. "You ready for the real fun to begin?"

"Hell yeah. How many pumpkins do you think we can fit in the back of this thing?"

"I dunno," he says, looking into the back where the seats are down and then looks at you. "But we're not going to find out."

"Buzz kill."

"Sorry, but I'm not having my Jeep chock full of pumpkins."

"Psh, it's for science."

Shawn's rolls his eyes and signals as he pulls out onto the highway. The two of you have at least another forty minutes before you reach the farm. Shawn turns up the radio and you decide to lean the seat back and just enjoy the rest of the ride.

_________________________________

The entryway to the Friendly Farms Pumpkin Patch is huge. There are wrought iron gates with metal pumpkin cutouts all along the bars of the fencing with ivy like casts on the top. Shawn drives down the bumpy dirt road to the designated parking area and stops to park near the ticket windows and actual gates inside. There are maybe a dozen cars already parked as well, which considering the popularity of the place isn't hardly anyone. It's still early though, they have just opened for business at nine and it's only about a quarter till ten.

Shawn opens the back of the Jeep while you grab your backpack purse off the floor of the backseat. "Do you need a water bottle?"

"Yeah." You walk around to meet him. "I thought you were going eco friendly?"

"I am." He hands you a reusable metal bottle. "I promise I washed it this morning."

You slip the bottle into your side pocket and chuckle. "Like we haven't been sharing germs forever."

"True." He closes the door and pulls the tickets out of his back pocket. "Ready?"

"I was born ready."

Shawn wraps his arm around your shoulders and heads to the ticket windows. You're excited beyond belief to see what is in store for you beyond the corn stalk covered gates before you. It's going to be perfect.

_________________________________

To say the pumpkin patch is beyond expectations would be about right. You and Shawn walk past the ticket booths and through the gates into a whole town built up around the fall theme. There are shopping booths, food booths, a sign for a corn maze, a hay rack ride, and the pumpkin patch. There is a whole slew of games and places to take photos as well and all that is just what you can see when you walk inside. There's a whole path along the shops that just keeps going and you are floored.

Shawn grins at you, beaming, because you're beaming right back at him. He knew this place was going to be great. Photos online just didn't do it justice. "What do you wanna do first?"

"Just...take it all in." You walk forward toward the center of the town like set up where there is a huge wooden windmill, hay bales and benches all sitting in a circle around it.

Shawn walks along beside you and chuckles. "It's pretty awesome."

"Awesome isn't the word." You laugh and plop down on a hay bale next to a smiley homemade scarecrow. "It's a dream, Shawn."

"I'm glad." He thumbs toward a nearby caramel apple stand. "Let's get a snack and start this day right huh?"

"You read my mind."

_________________________________

You and Shawn spend the whole late morning into the early afternoon wandering around, checking out the entire lay out of the pumpkin patch. You grab cider around eleven and then cocoa at noon. A late lunch consists of a shared smoked turkey leg, a funnel cake and some tomato salad that was being made fresh by some little old ladies at a booth near the center of the patch. The food is incredible and you and Shawn take turns feeding each other bites of this and that, giggling when one of you ends up with powdered sugar on your face from the funnel cake.

Spending time like this with Shawn is the best and worst thing to ever happen to you. It's a glimpse at what life with him would be like if you were together. Your heart swells every time he leans in to say something about the scenery that he’s noticed because you think he's going to kiss you.

Lunch wraps up and Shawn goes to toss your trash in a nearby oak barrel that's set up as a trashcan. He dusts his hands off on his jeans and pulls his sweater off over his head. "Here," he holds it out to you and you raise your eyebrows.

"Why do I want it?"

"Because you're going to get cold on the hayrack ride."

"Psh no I won't."

"Yeah you will." Shawn bunches up the sweater from the bottom up and holds it out for you to put your arms in. "Come on, I know you wanna."

You stick your arms out and he helps you get the sleeves over them and tugs the sweater down so your head pops through the neck hole. "It's so warm." You look down and pull out the soft knit fabric that's far too large on you. "You must be like a thousand degrees."

Shawn shrugs. "I'm always hot. You've slept with me, you know that."

"I-I-" You freeze, brain definitely going down a very different road from what Shawn means.

"Yes?" He chuckles.

"I have not slept with you."

"Well, not like that but... y'know." He shrugs and you knit your brows together.

What does that mean? Y'know what? What do you know? Does he want to sleep with you like that? What...just what?

Shawn waves his hand in your face. "Hey, earth to space cadet. The hayrack ride is gonna be boarding soon."

"Oh! Yeah!" You shake your head and start walking toward the signs pointing to the line for it. Shawn follows close behind, throwing his arm around your shoulders and leaning his head on yours.

You and Shawn take a seat at the back of the ride on a hay bale covered with a red plaid blanket. He's completely right about you needing his sweater. It is a lot colder up off the ground with the breeze from the moving ride blowing around you.

"Look, there's the pumpkins!" Shawn says, pointing to the left.

You look over through the slats of the walls of the ride. Sure enough there is a sea of orange pumpkins and deep green leaves that are yellowing with age as the plants are ready to be picked. There are a couple of very big ones and you definitely need one of those. You don't care how you get it to the car, you need it.

"Check those out," you say, pointing out the massive pumpkins.

"Holy cow those gotta be like fifty pounds."

"I want one."

"Okay."

You sit back and stare at him with your eyes wide. "Okay? You're not gonna convince me to get a few small ones instead?"

"Nope." He grins. "I'll buy you that pumpkin there."

"What's the catch?"

"No catch."

You narrow your eyes but don't argue the deal any further. He must have some motive. There has to be some catch. Maybe he'll say you have to move it or something. Seems fishy.

The ride stops at the entrance to the pumpkin picking area and you and Shawn get off with a few other visitors. There are tons of great pumpkins all around but you waste no time heading for the giant ones.

"How are you going to lift that?" Shawn pipes up as you reach them.

"Well, that's why I've got you."

"Oh? I'm gonna lift that?"

"Please?" You pout your lip out. "You said you'd buy it for me."

"I did." He chuckles, circling the giant orange mass. "I sure did."

"Regretting that?"

"Absolutely not."

You put your hands into the sleeves of Shawn's sweater and put them over your ears. They're cold and you wish you'd brought a hat or even some earmuffs. "Can I get it? For real?"

"Yes." Shawn kneels down and lifts the pumpkin up with ease. "Let's go."

"Isn't that heavy?"

"Not that heavy." He smirks and you walk next to him out of the patch to the line of employees waiting with ATVs that have little trailers attached for carrying visitors pumpkins to their cars or to the front entrance to drop them off until they leave.

"Name and car description?" The woman at the ATV asks as Shawn loads up the pumpkin.

"Ah-"

"Mendes with an s. Black four door Jeep Wrangler." Shawn says, dusting his hands off. "We'll pick it up at the gates."

"Alrighty." The woman scribbles down Shawn's information and peels a sticker of her clipboard to put on the pumpkin. "You got a big one eh?"

"Yes." Shawn wraps his arms around you and lays his chin on top of your head. "Biggest one for my best friend."

"That's so sweet. Would you like to pay here or at the gate?"

"Here." Shawn pulls his wallet out and hands over a ten dollar bill, the rate for extra large pumpkins from the yard. "Thank you ma'am."

"It's what we do," she says with a smile and a tip of her floppy straw hat. "I'll see this baby up to the gates. Have a friendly fun time!"

You and Shawn wave her off as she drives away with your pumpkin.

Shawn pulls away from you and grabs your sweater covered hands. "Wanna go over to the barn and feed the horses?"

You glance over at the big red barn where they show the horses and cattle throughout the day. "Sure. It doesn't look took busy."

Shawn turns around and squats down. "Get on my back, I'll carry you over there."

"What? Why? I can walk!" You laugh and he pats his back.

"Come on!"

"Okay okay, don't have to tell me twice." You climb on his back and he hoists you up so he can hook his arms under your legs. It reminds you of when you were nine and you first met. Shawn was big then too, tall for his age and athletic as ever being in hockey almost year round. He would always give you piggy back rides around the yard to catch lightning bugs on hot summer nights.

Shawn drops you off on a haybale near the first stall inside the barn. There is literally no one in there at the moment and you have the place all to yourselves. "I'm going to get a couple of drinks. Any preference?"

"Cider is fine. Hot please."

He disappears and you lean back against the old wooden wall. Today has been one of the best days of your life hands down. It's everything you love all wrapped into one, a pumpkin patch, oversized sweaters, hot cider, pumpkin picking...Shawn. You sigh and chuckle to yourself. Did Shawn realize how romantic this is? Did he have any clue how it must seem to any stranger passing by? The two of you would be the cutest couple. The dynamic is there, but what you lack is a pair of balls to say or do anything.

"Hot cider." Shawn says, handing you your brown paper cup and sitting down on the hay bale opposite you. "Fresh too."

"Thanks." You smile as you sip the warm spicy sweet liquid.

Shawn stares out at the corral nearby, eyes catching and sparkling in the late afternoon sun. He's gorgeous. Everything about him makes your heart soar. From his soft eyes to his slightly rough hands curled delicately around his paper cup, he is truly the only person you've cared so deeply for.

"Can I ask you something?" You say softly, barely realizing you've spoken. Too late to take it back now.

"Anything."

"Why haven't we ever gone out?"

He chuckles, a wide smile spreading across his face like wildfire. "Haven't we though?"

"No?"

"Can I tell you something?"

You lean forward, setting your cup beside your folded legs on the hay bale. "Of course, anything."

"This was supposed to be a date." He bites his lip and looks down, thumb circling the spout of his lid. "I was going to ask you out, like, for real."

"W-what?"

"Yeah." He laughs, looking up, anywhere but at you. "I chickened out though. I didn't ask you, I just sort of handed you the tickets and said let's go. Which in retrospect was fine, but it's definitely not what I had planned on doing."

"You wanted to take me on a date?"

"Yeah?"

"You...you want to be more than friends?"

Shawn rubs the back of his neck. "Shit, I guess? It's weird. You make me happier than literally anyone I've ever dated. You get my jokes and you sass me right back when I get smart with you. You're really beautiful and sexy in this crazy everyday way without even trying. And you're so smart and- how could I not want to date you? I've literally been so stupid for my entire life because I-"

You lean across the hay bale and press your lips to his. It's a moment you've been waiting for since you were thirteen years old and first realized you had feelings for him. You didn't expect to be the one initiating the kiss but here you are and there Shawn is. You pull back and Shawn just gawks at you.

"That was...you...you taste like apple cider."

You giggle. "You do too, dork."

"Can we do it again?" He asks, putting his cup aside and leaning toward you. "I think I need another taste."

"Mmhmm."

Shawn cups your cheeks and brings you in, kissing you lovingly like this is his way of making up for the last twelve years of your lives. He tugs you forward gently and you crawl over onto his lap, straddling his thighs as you grip his hair. It's been forever since he's had a haircut and it's a bit long, soft as can be, curly and absolutely grabable.

"Hey," he mutters, pulling back just enough to break the kiss. He bumps his nose to yours and you open your eyes to see his beautiful green and gold flecked hazel ones staring back at you. "Do you wanna go out with me?"

You smile and nudge his nose with yours once more. "I thought you'd never ask."

End.

----------------------

Please Reblog if you read, enjoyed, or just want to save for later!

Thank you so much for reading this piece!  - A

*****Note: none of my works should be posted anywhere outside of my linked accounts. I do not give permission to repost with or without credit to my accounts. Please notify me of any reposted fics.*****

[another-bloody-multimuse]

CRUELLA DE VIL - What is your muse’s fashion style? for everyone because I love clothes headcanons

Disney villain asks!

Penelope: A combination of fancy/expensive jewellery and casual clothing. Usually with some level of cleavage on display. Think gold, precious stones (fake diamonds, though), ridiculously tall high heels, painted nails. Usually in different shades of pink. Darker pinks accompanied with black, lighter pinks accompanied with complimentary colours or white. Clothes are often figure hugging, albeit not ridiculously skin tight.

The extravagance/expense is toned down a lot for main verse/Team Skull Pen, though is still in full force for her Team Magma and Flare incarnations. Flare Pen specifically is also often seen in oranges and blacks, as fitting of someone often seen hanging off Lysandre Delannoy's arm. A hint of alternative fashion in Skull Pen's look, or "goth lite" basically, thanks to Guzma's influence.

Examples: [x] [x] [x]

Alder: Comfort is king, so his clothes are easy to move in. And sometimes a little on the shabby side, as well. Doesn't really bother if things are a touch of the threadbare side, and likes the aesthetic a poncho gives him. Often chooses quite neutral colours, shades of whites, blacks, beige. Maybe with a bit of pale orange thrown in to compliment his hair colour, too.

Knit sweatshirts, maybe a long-ish cardigan over a t-shirt.

Examples: [x] [x] [x]

Guzma: Baggy, black and white, with maybe a bit of gold or purple thrown in for good measure. Tries to go for a typical "hard man"/"gangster" type look. Sometimes with big, chunky gold chains, drop crotch joggers, trainers, akin to his canon look. Sometimes a more punk aesthetic, in a Sex Pistols vibe. Albeit accidentally, since they were before his time.

Piercings, partially shaved hairstyles, tattoos, spikes all appeal, too. Doesn't have any real tattoos yet, but will probably get some in the future. Doesn't have any immediately visible piercings. I'll, uh, let you come to your own conclusions there.

Oh, and rude shirts. Can be rude because it's just the word "FUCK" in giant letters, can be rude because it's offensive and/or sexually crude. If it's a t-shirt you wouldn't want someone to wear around your kids, it'll suit Guzma perfectly.

Examples: [x] [x] [x] [x]

Océane: A toned down version of Pen. She'll occasionally rock some expensive jewellery, but her tastes are generally less ridiculously priced and more down to earth. Lavenders and lilacs are popular with her, as are form fitting t-shirts and jeans. Often seen with short nails and a natural makeup look.

Jewellery tastes are usually kept to something black and gold. Not opposed to wearing heels, though as no stranger to working hard gardening, the nail polish and heels are much less of a guarantee with her than, say, Pen or Oleana.

Formalwear depends on the type of event. She has been seen dressed up to the nines as expected of someone from a royal bloodline, in a red and black theme, but sometimes if appropriate will wear a white trouser suit, with some gold jewellery on the more understated side of things.

Examples: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

Sinclair: Sinclair basically has two modes when it comes to his dress sense. Suave, sophisticated, formal. Or a Pokeverse Joe Lycett.

Sinclair is quite typical of a Rich Person, with no qualms about spending obscene amounts of money on ridiculously expensive clothing. Out of his siblings (Océane and Lysandre @nats-rp-world), he's the least down to earth by far. Signet rings, ridiculous amounts of gold and precious gems (though was probably talked out of real diamond jewellery). Waistcoats, cufflinks, shiny shoes, ties, you get the idea. In cool greys and blues.

And then Pokeverse Joe Lycett Mode is. Well. Anything goes. Fluffy, hot pink, leopard or zebra print, leather, sunglasses

Examples: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

Ghetsis: Oh. Oh God. Where do I even begin?

Pre-Plasma, he probably favoured expensive suits and jewellery similar to Sinclair when dressed as a human being and not a Muppet. With the addition of sunglasses regardless of the weather/location to hide his scarred eye. During and post-Plasma, however, when he stopped giving a fuck, he leant hard into his occult aesthetic and basically started dressing like the evil cult leader that he became.

While he has an interest in occult/supernatural/paranormal symbolism in general, his personal aesthetic has always been toward eyes, including Turkish nazars and the Egyptian Eye of Horus.

Plasma-era Ghetsis favoured long, elaborately made flowing robes, especially ones that allowed his scarred arm to be concealed completely, and/or ones with a very high collar to hide his lopsided mouth. And yet still had the audacity to pretend not to be completely evil. My man is not subtle.

Post-Plasma Dennis is just as up his own butthole with fancy, elaborate clothing. Just more with a royal theme, because hey, now everyone knows that he was the team's true king, why not lean into that particular aesthetic? Other than all the reasons of being a decent human being that we can immediately think of. Some kind of half cape or a way to hide his injured arm, gloves included, are still very much welcomed.

Examples: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

Lance: Capes, capes, capes, capes, capes, capes. My boy loves a good cape.

Often seen in his dragon master outfit, or a variation of it, which there are several. Normally in dark blues, a bit of orange, and a black and red cape. Though he does have an outfit that's more red than blue, as well, ala LGPE. Though in the summers, he's more likely to be seen wearing traditional garb instead, to try and keep cool.

He favours a red, white and gold version of the outfit, due to his own Gyarados being shiny. But he does also have a black and blue version.

For shits and giggles, he also got a version of his dragon master outfit in the colours of Dragonite, though it hasn't seen much use yet. Not after Cynthia found out about it and mercilessly took the piss.

Has probably leant into his black and red (ish) cape's aesthetic to dress up as a vampire on Hallowe'en. A more casual outfit tends to be simple, jeans, jacket, t-shirt and boots. Something that can be easily thrown on.

Examples: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

Giovanni: Suits all the way. Giovanni likes to look good, and he's damn well aware of when he does. Suits range from form to business casual, maybe sometimes with a turtleneck in lieu of a shirt. His outfits scream class and sophistication.

The mob boss look of a fedora and long coat has been retired, but he still appreciates the aesthetic.

And then sometimes he just dads out in Hawaiian shirts, shorts and sandals. No socks, though, he's not a complete heathen.

Silver must be so proud.

Examples: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

Marnie: Black teamed with pastel pink, leather, spikes. Basically punk aesthetic. Marnie joins Guzma in an appreciation for tattoos, shaved hairstyles and piercings, and like Ghetsis (no, I didn't expect this comparison, either), has an interest in occult symbolism. Though Marnie's interests more lie in witchcraft than general occultism.

Examples: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

Mustard: Sports jackets and jaunty hats. Like Alder, Mustard prefers clothes that are easy to move in. Which is understandable, given the fact that this is a ripped old man who is still in sufficient shape to perform fuckin' flips and shit.

He's often seen exercising in a karate gi. Barefoot if he's in the dojo, and in trainers if he's outside. Which granted, don't really go together, but it's Mustard. Eccentric old man gives zero fucks.

As well as the hat he's seen in game, he also takes a shine to pork pie and bowler hats. Usually in darker colours, but brightened up with a nice teal, or yellow. Sometimes he'll sport a t-shirt with something silly/funny on it. Though unlike Guzma, his can actually be appropriately worn in public.

Examples: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

Rose: Professional Farhad favours fancy suits, usually in a sleek grey, accented with red. A suit in general will do the job for him when he has to look formal, but that's definitely his preferred signature look. No matter what, however, his tie will be sporting a rose knot. The rose knot is non-negotiable. Partly for the obvious reason of relating to his name, but also because it just looks damn impressive.

He often keeps an earring in one ear and a lot of the time it's an impressive looking stud, but unlike the more pretentious (or wanky) muses like Ghetsis or Sinclair, Farhad doesn't care about getting the real deal, the most expensive thing. A simple stud or hoop is plenty sufficient.

Professional mode or not, he's also not even slightly afraid to rock some eyeliner. It makes him look amazing and he doesn't give a shit about how "socially acceptable" it is for a man, and doesn't try and make it sound more masculine by referring to it as "guyliner".

When partaking in religious holidays, he opts for a simple black yarmulke.

Casual Rose isn't quite as eye-bleedingly horrible as in the past. He might still try and disguise himself with a pair of sunglasses and a change of wardrobe, but no more eye-watering polka dot shorts. His non-professional wear leans more toward business casual nowadays, seeing how "incognito mode" never really worked. So on a day to day basis, he's seen in polo shirts and jeans, often in varying shades of purple or red.

Examples: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

Leon: Who wears short shorts? Leon wears short shorts! Leon is often seen in clothes that can be easily exercised in. Partly because he does a lot of it, and partly because he likes that they tend to draw attention to his figure. Little shirts, tight tops and one of the many, many hats from his collection.

He is also a fan of neon 80s patterns. Particularly the neon ones that look like the carpet in an arcade. He also genuinely enjoys a nice regal, fur lined cape. It's just a shame that he decided to plaster sponsorships all over the back of it...

Examples: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

Peony: In contrast to the bright orange expedition outfit that he debuted in, Peony's fashion sense is quite toned down and dark. Greys and black mainly. During his teens, however, he was another one for punk fashion.

Like Rose, he also unashamedly wears makeup, and is occasionally seen with a yarmulke during holidays (Hashem verse only).

Examples: [x] [x] [x] [x]

Oleana: Minus the odd choker that Oleana enjoys wearing, her fashion sense is more often than not kept looking professional, in shades of red and black. Rose themed jewellery is a lot of the time considered too "on the nose", but every now and then she'll indulge.

She keeps her nails professionally manicured, painted red, and short. And similarly to Pen, has a penchant for high heels.

Examples: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

Maxie: A lot of the times, Maxie keeps it simple in the Hoenn heat, in just shirts and shorts. Accompanied by socks and sandals, unfortunately. But still. He finds the whole disgust of socks/sandals to be overdone, and therefore won't let it stop him from wearing them if he wants to.

And then sometimes he'll find something really truly, spectacularly hideous and be unable to resist buying it just for shits and giggles.

Examples: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

Bede:

This probably goes without saying.

Any and all shades of pink are fair game for Bede, usually with blue jeans and white trainers, for everyday wear. He likes to accessorise with the gold watch from Rose, and a choker, either plain black, or in subtle bi pride colours depending on how confident he's feeling about his sexuality. He also has his ears pierced, and an industrial bar through one.

Also, being a teenage edgelord, it's not unexpected to see him in tops that have slogans like "I don't care", "I hate everyone", or something else equally delightful printed on the front.

A few things with a rose on them are in his wardrobe as well, because... well, Father.

And the toe shoes have long since been binned.

Examples: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] 

[writingmyselfout]

Because I Could Not Stop for Death - Chapter Four

Language: English

Rating: Teen+

Pairing: Hermione Granger/Harry Potter

Tags: AU - Canon Divergence, Reptilia28′s Don’t Fear the Reaper Challenge, Manipulative Dumbledore, Black Hermione Granger, Slight Ron Weasley Bashing

Prologue 1 2 3

Chapter 4: Writing on the Wall

Summary: Off to Hogwarts

                                                                                                    2 August 1991

DEAR Draco,

Sorry if this is messy. I thought I’d practice writing with a quill. It’s easier than I thought it’d be, but messier to. I have to remember not to leave the tip on the paper or it leaves big smudges.

What was the name of the restorant restaurant we went to lunch to? The cake at that place was the best I’ve had! I hope the food at Hogwarts is that good too. I can’t wait for classes to start. I’ve been reading a few of the books in the meantime. I decided to name my owl Hedwig, after a witch I read about in A History of Magic .

Will you be taking the train too? If you aren’t already sitting with friends, maybe we can sit together? If that’s okay, of course. You’ll be the only person I know so far. If you’ve got other friends sitting with you already no worries. I guess I’m just nervous. Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape told me about being famous, but I didn’t realize what they meant until I saw people’s reaction to hearing my name and seeing me. Do you think it will be the same at school?

Write back soon please!

Harry Potter

4 August 1991

Dear Harry,

Practice writing with a quill? Do you mean you’ve never used a quill before? What were you using to write until now?

The Copper Crup was the name. Mother would take me there for my birthday because their food is of much better quality than most of the others around. Of course, they have nothing on what our House elves can prepare at home, but it’s nice to go out sometimes, as Mother points out.

Mother and Father have said they have gotten me an owl from a breeder to take with me to Hogwarts. I haven’t seen him yet, but I think I’ll name him Vespid, after the most famous Wimbourne Wasps Beater.

Of course I’ll be taking the Hogwarts Express. All students have to take the train. Some of the others starting in our year I think expect me to sit with them since our parents are friends. Father probably wants me to, since their families are part of the Sacred 28. You can probably sit with us. Some of them are kind of dumb, though.

Did you really not know you are famous? Have you been living under a rock? Forget just school, or even England. Every witch and wizard in the WORLD knows who you are! They write an article about you every year in the Daily Prophet.

Draco Malfoy

                                                                                                    5 August 1991

Draco,

They write a WHAT about me every year? What’s the Daily Prophet? Is that like a newspaper for wizards? I thought I was just a normal, non-magical kid for years. I live with non-magical family, and they don’t like to talk about magic. But after what you said, I looked at more recent years. Did you know I’m mentioned in our A History of Magic book? Only a small bit, I guess ‘cause they don’t know anything else, but it’s embaressing. Embarassing? I can’t remember how to write that.

I guess if you’re used to quills, maybe you’ve never heard of a pen? It’s what non-magical folks use. It’s a big of plastic with ink inside of it and a metal tip to write with. Or pencils, which is wood. I’ve sent one of each over for you ‘cause I think it’d be easier than trying to explain in writing.

It doesn’t sound like you like those other kids. Do you have to sit with them? Can we move seats during the trip? Maybe you can sit with them for a little while and then leave.

But what do you mean, their families are sacred? What are House elves? I remember what you said Beaters did, but who was Vespid? Sorry if my questions are dumb. There’s so much I don’t know. But if my questions bother you, I’ll stop asking them.

Harry Potter

8 August 1991

Harry,

You live with Muggles? No wonder you don’t know anything! I can’t imagine growing up with no magic. How terrible. Lucky for you, I know all there is to know.

The Daily Prophet is the wizarding world newspaper. It gets delivered by owl every day. House elves are magical servants, but only older, more magical families have them. Most of the Sacred 28 do, anyway. The Sacred 28 are the oldest, pureblood wizarding families, and a lot of them are very important. None, of course, more than the Malfoys. Father is on the Board of Governors for Hogwarts, and he knows the Minister of Magic personally. Mother says that because of that, I must be careful with who I become friends with, as they might be trying to get close to me so their parents can get closer to Father, or because we’re wealthy.

It will probably be the same for you, since you’re famous. Mother said the Potters were very wealthy, too, when I asked. Did you inherit everything? Are you and your Muggles relatives living at the Potter estate?

Most importantly, we must do something about how little you know about Quidditch. Elric Vespid was a Beater for the Wasps something like 600 years ago. He hit a wasps’ nest so hard at the Appleby Arrows’ Seeker that he retired, and it’s why the team became known as the Wasps. I have sent over my favorite book, Quidditch Through the Ages. It will tell you all you need to know about the game. Mother says it’s polite to return gifts when you’re given something, so consider it a thanks for what you sent me. I have never seen a pen or pencil before. They’re strange. I think I prefer a quill.

If there’s no magic at your house, what do you do for fun?

Draco Malfoy

                                                                                                  11 August 1991

Hey Draco,

Thank you for the book! I’ve read it all. I can’t wait to see a real game.

Muggles aren’t all bad. But you should probably never meet my family. They are pretty terrible. If they’re the first Muggles any witch or wizard meets, they’d never want to meet another ever again and I wouldn’t blame them. They’re the worst, really. But my mum’s parents were Muggles, and I’ve mostly only known Muggles.

Wow, is your dad really that important? You must’ve been surprised when I didn’t know who you were then! It sucks you have to worry about people being friends with you only ‘cause of your dad or your family’s money. I hope we can both make friends who don’t care and just want to be our friends ‘cause they like us , you know?

As for what my parents left me, I actually only found out at Gringotts right before meeting you that they left me a lot of money. I had no idea before, but I guess technically, I am wealthy now? But I don’t know anything about an estate. I tried to ask my aunt and uncle, but like always, they didn’t really give me an answer. I think they don’t actually know, ‘cause if they knew about how much money they’d left me, I’m sure they’d have tried to take it. My uncle actually said my dad wouldn’t have had anything to give me worth writing a will for. Can you believe it? I decided not to tell them anything. Maybe the professors can help me look into it.

How cool would it be to find out there’s some big ol’ house somewhere they left me?

Harry Potter

   With letters to read and respond to every few days, the month of August flies by for Harry. It helps that aside from when he first came by and his aunt informed him he was to move his things to the upstairs spare bedroom, his family has mostly ignored him. Their daily interactions were limited to letting him know meals are ready, and one time when Uncle Vernon told Harry to stop letting his owl come in and out of the bedroom before the neighbors noticed. Hedwig was less than pleased with the restriction, but Harry opts to avoid any issues by only letting her out at night.

   Draco’s letters were an insight into the world he would be entering in a way that reading through his books could not provide.Occasionally, his comments about Muggles or Muggle-borns, directly or what seems to be implied, make him pause. Harry tries to avoid complaining about the Dursleys once he notices, because he doesn’t think it helps his case when he tries to explain to Draco that Muggles aren’t all bad.

   After all, Harry isn’t exactly Muggle-born, but his mother was, and he feels like he may as well be when he grew up knowing nothing about magic. It makes him wonder if others think the same, or if maybe Draco grew up in a family similar to the Dursleys in that they hated people who were different. It meant either having an entire world that might think less of his mom if she were alive, or having a friend who might have a lot more in common with his dreaded cousin than he’d hoped. Harry prefers to not worry about it now and just enjoy having someone his own age to talk to for the time being.

   He’ll worry about everything else once school begins.

~~~

DRACO wakes up on the first of September practically vibrating with excitement, and much earlier than needed, as the sun is only just beginning to lighten the sky outside his window. It’s not as large as the one in his room back at Malfoy Manor, but this residence is in London, and therefore much closer to King’s Cross Station, where he’ll need to be in a few short hours. He calls for a House Elf to ready a bath for him and is a whirl of movement as he double checks his trunks to ensure that nothing was forgotten when the House Elves finished packing it the night before. They didn’t, of course, but he needs to move, to do something, or he feels like he might explode.

   He’s been waiting his whole life to go to Hogwarts. He’s imagined grand adventures and wow-ing other students with his natural talents at magic and Quidditch, and winning the House Cup for Slytherin for the next seven years. Sure, now that he knows he’ll be going to school with the Harry Potter, he realizes that maybe he won’t be the most popular, but he’s basically made the most famous kid in school his best friend before anyone else has even met him! So they’ll just be the most popular students together.

   The Malfoys had hosted an end of summer party to celebrate the incoming class of Slytherins a week before the term was to begin. Such get-togethers was really an excuse for the parents to talk privately of whatever matters adults spoke of, while the children basically bragged and attempted to ingratiate themselves with whoever their parents had told them to, often those present considered one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight, or pestered the older among them to tell them more about Hogwarts.

   This specific gathering had only those whose families had children of Draco’s age and would be attending Hogwarts for the first time. Gregory Goyle, Millicent Bulstrode, Pansy Parkinson, Vincent Crabbe, Theodore Nott, Gemma Runcorn, and Daphne Greengrass--with her little sister Astoria in tow--were all expected to be sorted into Slytherin with Draco. They talked about what they expected based on information gleaned from older Slytherin students they knew, or some of the wild rumors they couldn’t seem to get confirmation or denial about, such as the Sorting being a test of skills. It quickly devolved into comparing the quality and price of the things they would be bringing to school.

   “Did you know,” Pansy suddenly piped up, interrupting Daphne Greengrass bragging about robes she’d gotten in Paris over the summer for school, “that Harry Potter is supposed to be starting this year too?”

   A new round of rumors and speculations they’d overheard from their parents were shared. Draco had been tempted to tell them that he had met the famous Boy Who Lived, the elusive child celebrity no one had ever seen. At least not accurately. The Daily Prophet had an artist rendering every year when they ran their anniversary article about the end of the Wizarding War, but the only description that anyone knew to be accurate was the lightning bolt scar on Harry Potter’s forehead.

   Instead he had kept it to himself, thinking it would be much funnier to present his good friend Harry Potter to them all on the Hogwarts Express. Imagining their expressions had delighted him, and as he gets ready, still brings a grin to his face. It helps to pass the time, which seems to drag on as he waits for it to be time to leave. Once his parents are awake and breakfast is served, though, it seems to be no time at all before they are at the station.

   They aren’t the first ones there, although he thinks if he had rushed his parents through breakfast, they might have managed it. Draco is certain his mother, who would normally only allow them to be either promptly on-time or fashionably late, is indulging his excitement. Being early means he practically has his pick of compartments. He opts for one in the middle, the House Elf that accompanied them puts his trunk in the compartment for him before disappearing back to Malfoy Manor, and then he goes to say goodbye to his parents. He allows his mother to fuss over him, smoothing his hair back and adjusting his robes as he tries not to impatiently look around. Even his parents are in for a surprise, as he has only told them that he’s been writing to the student he met at Diagon Alley with the Slytherin Head of House, Professor Snape, but not who that student is.

   “Lucius!”

   The Malfoy family turns as one to the voice calling. Mr. Parkinson is heading over, wife and daughter in tow. He’s pushing a cart with two trunks, presumably Pansy’s. It’s left to one side as the parents start talking, and Pansy comes over to Draco’s side, asking if he’s picked a compartment and where, so she can go sit with him.

   Draco doesn’t particularly want to sit with any of the girls he knows. For one, in his small experience, they tend to get bored with talk of Quidditch. For another, the compartments look like they’d fit about four to six comfortably, which means there’s just enough room for him, Harry, Theodore, and likely Vincent and Gregory, and still be able to sit one more. But if Pansy joins them, she’ll want at least one other girl to come, and then they’ll be over by one or squished in together.

   So he lies. ““Somewhere towards the front.” He makes a vague gesture, glad that his mother, if she notices, doesn’t correct him even though he knows she kept an eye on where he went when he boarded. Narcissa Malfoy always knows where Draco is at all times.

   Pansy nods her head, intercepting Crabbe and Goyle when they head over to get their help with her trunk. Ordering them, really, and Draco realizes that since she got to them first, they don’t know where he’s really sitting. Ah well, he’ll have to try to catch them on their own otherwise they’ll just have to sit with Pansy the whole trip.

   Hoping to catch Theodore before Pansy does so he can at least give him the right compartment, he suddenly catches sight of a familiar figure coming through the barrier from the Muggle side of King’s Cross station.

   “Oh, he’s here!” Draco announces, catching the attention the adults with the outburst. Before either of his parents can react, Draco is off, weaving his way through the crowd.

   Harry is moving slowly, pushing the cart with his heavy trunk and his caged owl, fascinated with the sight before him. He’d known, logically, that the professors wouldn’t have lied to him about how to get to the platform. It hadn’t prevented him from feeling like he was going to crash into a solid wall and cause a scene as he moved towards the barrier. He’s surprised and delighted to instead find a whole hidden section of the station. There are people all around, adults saying goodbye to their children, students greeting each other and gathering in small groups, and then there’s a blond boy standing in front of him, bringing Harry to an abrupt stop.

   “There you are,” Draco says by way of greeting. “What took you so long?”

   “Hey! We left a bit later than I’d hoped,” Harry explains. “It’s like a two to three hour drive for us. How’d you get here?”

   “We have a London residence,” Draco explains, his tone suggesting that this should be obvious. “And of course, with Father’s connections, we got a Ministry car to drive us. Come on then, my parents will want to meet you before we board.”

   Harry follows after Draco, slowing his steps when he gets a good look at the group awaiting them. He recognizes Mrs. Malfoy from the glimpse he got of her at Diagon Alley, and Draco’s practically the spitting image of his father, so it’s easy to figure out which is Mr. Malfoy. The rest of the adults, however, he can’t begin to guess who they are. What’s more, all eyes are on him and although he’d tried to remind himself that morning that this might happen once people realized who he was, there’s something distinctly unnerving about the way he’s being watched right now. They leave his cart by the train entrance, just to the side so as to not be in anyone’s way, and then Draco leads him over to the group watching them.

   “Mother, Father.” Draco stops in front of his parents. “This is the boy I met at Diagon Alley, Harry Potter. Harry, my parents Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy.”

   “H-How do you do?” Harry mutters, trying to stand still under their scrutiny.

   “Why, Mr. Harry Potter. This is a pleasant surprise,” Mr. Malfoy says, smiling. It’s not a very friendly look. “How exciting for the students of Hogwarts to get to go to school with the wizarding world’s biggest hero.”

   Something about the way Mr. Malfoy says it makes Harry feel like he’s being insulted or mocked to his face. “I, uh, I should put my stuff on the train.”

   Harry forces a smile, and then starts to move towards the train. He’s sure it’s his imagination, but he is certain he can feel their gaze on his back and he’s distinctly uncomfortable. He has a hard time trying to explain to himself what it is about these adults that makes him want to flee, as it’s not quite the instinctual knowing he’s occasionally felt since the day he received his Hogwarts letter. But it’s close enough that, as trusting his instincts thus far with the wizarding world has turned out in his favor, he thinks he would be better off leaving their company as soon as possible.

   “Hold on.” Draco hurries after him. “Go right from here, and it’s the fourth one down. My trunks have the Malfoy crest on them.”

   He’s basically being ordered, which might have bothered him if he weren’t so desperate to get away right now. Harry instead just nods before he grabs Hedwig’s cage, deciding to get her inside first and moving the heavier trunk once he knows for sure where he’s going. Finding Draco’s trunk with his family crest, an image he’d grown accustomed to seeing pressed into the wax Draco used to seal his letters, was rather easy. He set Hedwig’s cage inside, and then went back to get his trunk. He pauses briefly before stepping out, hoping to avoid notice, but a group of students coming off the train block him from view for a few moments as they stand around just a few steps away.

   Quick as he can, he grabs his trunk and starts to try to single handedly drag it up. “Need a hand?”

   Harry looks over his shoulder to find a tall, lanky redhead. “Oh, uh, yeah. That’d be great.”

   The redhead looks back down the train and yells out, “Oy! Oy, Fred! C’mere and help!” Looking back at Harry, the boy waved him away before coming around to grab one end of the trunk. When another, identical redhead appears, he grabs the other without question and the two lift the trunk onto the train.

   Harry quickly follows, directing them over to the right compartment. There’s an eyebrow raised at seeing the crest on the trunks already there, but they simply lift Harry’s trunk before nodding at him.

   “There you go, firstie. All set.”

   “Thanks,” Harry replies, pushing his glasses up.

   He stands out of their way to allow them to leave the compartment, debating on whether to introduce himself or not. Before he can decide, one of them seems to take a closer look, hitting the other’s arm suddenly. “Hey, is that a scar? You wouldn’t happen to be--”

   “Harry!”

   Harry turns around briefly to see Draco approaching, but his attention is drawn back to the twins as one says, “Well, we’ll be off then!”

   “Oh, okay, bye!”

   “The train will be leaving soon,” Draco tells Harry, eyes watching the twins leave for a moment before looking over at him. “I only saw a few of my friends, so I think they might be sitting with Pansy. I told her I was towards the front so she wouldn’t sit with us, but I think she told them the same, so they might be with her.”

   Harry frowns a little, thinking he doesn’t want to have to try to move his trunk. “Did you want to move over to where they are?” he asks.

   “Hm, no,” Draco responds after a moment’s consideration. “I’ll tell them I’m back here, see if they want to move. Do you want to come with me to find them?”

   “I think I’ll sit with Hedwig, I don’t think she’s used to all this activity yet.” It’s an excuse, when really Harry just doesn’t think he’s up for another group of people staring at him just yet, but when he looks over at his owl she seems to understand and starts flapping her wings and hooting loudly. “I should probably sit with her until she’s calmed down.”

   Draco shrugs. “Suit yourself. I’ll be back.”

   Harry closes the compartment door, goes and then sits down, reaching a finger into Hedwig’s cage to stroke her head. “Thanks.”

   She hoots at him once in reply before settling down. Harry turns to look out of the window, the panel above open so he can hear the sounds of the crowd of parents and students, many of them starting to say their goodbyes. The platform is starting to clear, an indication that they’ll be departing soon. A flash of red catches his eye, and he sees a group of redheads, only just visible as they stand a little ways down from his compartment

   He thinks for a moment it might be one of the twins, but decides what he can see of them isn’t quite right. This boy is shorter, though the hair is the right shade. The woman standing with him speaks up, and Harry can hear them clearly.

   “All right, Ron, you be sure to behave. Listen to Percy and, what’s that on your nose? Come here.”

   A younger boy jerks into view as he pulls away from the woman. “ Mom , geroff!”

   The twins appear then, and with them standing together, Harry notes the resemblance. He listens to them joke and tease the younger boy, who grows obviously more annoyed and sullen with the teasing, and then yet another boy appears. He’s already changed into his robe with a badge on his chest, and the twins start to tease him about being a prefect as well. Harry thinks it’s rather nice, to come from a family close enough to tease like that, even if the twins’ siblings seem to be annoyed by it. The one already in his robes allowed their mother to kiss his cheek, said goodbye to someone outside of Harry’s line of sight, and then seemed to board again.

   That was when one of the twins said, “Oh, guess who we just met on the train, Mom?”

   “Who?”

   “Harry Potter !”

   The one out of sight suddenly piped up, and it sounded like a little girl, her voice carrying as she loudly begged to be allowed on the train to see him. Harry leaned away from the window then, hoping to stay out of sight. How embarrassing would it be to be caught eavesdropping on them as they started to talk about him?

   “No, Ginny, the train is about to leave. You can’t get on,” the boys’ mother responded, cutting off the little girl’s begging. “Are you sure, Fred?”

   “Pretty sure,” was the response. “Saw a bit of a scar on his forehead. Malfoy’s kid called him ‘Harry’, too.”

   “Malfoy ?” The way the woman said the name made Harry frown automatically, not wanting someone to say anything bad about his only friend. Then he remembered Lucius Malfoy’s smile and thought perhaps, if that’s who she was thinking of when she said it, the reaction might be warranted. “Are they friends, do you think?”

   “Who knows? Maybe they just met? Anyway, we should be getting on, Mum. We’ll know for sure during Sorting. Who knows? Maybe he’ll be a Gryffindor!”

   “Be sure to let me know,” she tells them. “Try to befriend him if he is, okay? Poor thing, being an orphan raised goodness knows where or with who, he could probably use all the friends he can get.”

   Harry decides to close the window, distinctly uncomfortable with hearing the obvious pity, and not particularly interested in hearing any more. Especially since the little girl starts to cry, half-pleading and half-demanding to be allowed to go with her brothers or at least be allowed to get on and see Harry. It sounds like the beginning of a tantrum, at least in his experience based on his cousin’s tried and true methods, so he is relieved that closing the window prevents him from hearing the rest of it.

   What he is able to hear, loud and clear, is the train's whistle as it goes off to announce their departure. Outside, it looks like there are no more students on the platform, instead just a few parents and younger siblings, waving at students in other windows before leaving or waiting to see the train off.

   The door to the compartment opens as the train starts to move, and the youngest of the redheads is standing there. He’s taller than he appeared while standing outside, Harry notes absently. Ron, as they’d called him, starts to back out with an apology when he suddenly stops, staring at Harry.

   “Are you him?” he asks.

   Harry blinks at him for a moment, surprised. “Who?”

   “Harry Potter?”

   “Oh, him. I mean, yeah, that’s me.”

   His eyes go over to the trunks, and he frowns. Harry follows the direction he’s looking at and realizes it’s Draco’s trunks that have drawn that reaction. “I’m Ron Weasley. Are you really friends with the Malfoys’ kid?” Blue eyes lower again to meet Harry’s gaze. “You shouldn’t be, you know. Just warning ya, they’re-”

   “We’re what?” Behind Ron stands Draco, arms crossed, scowling.The redhead half turns, still standing in the compartment doorway.

   “Draco’s my friend,” Harry interrupts before either can say anything. “So can you step aside so he can come sit down?”

   Draco doesn’t wait for the other to obey, basically shoving him aside to come in and sit across from Harry. He gives him a smug look, crossing his arms as he waits to see what he’s going to do. He knows this kid’s type, trying to ingratiate himself with someone better than him. Clearly, he thinks, Harry can spot the type too.

   “Weasley, you said, right?” Draco drawls. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

   The stubborn look that comes over the other’s face makes Harry think that this might turn into a bigger confrontation when one of the twins comes by. “There you are, Ron. Are you bothering people?”

   “Yes,” Draco announces instantly, frowning at seeing another redhead.

   “Really, Ron, can’t leave you alone for a second.” The other twin appears, grabbing the youngest sibling by looping an arm around his neck and dragging him back away from the door. “Come on, you. You’re with us; Mum’s orders.”

   “We didn’t introduce ourselves earlier,” says the remaining twin. “I’m Fred Weasley, that was George--” the other twin, clearly still within earshot yells a hello “--and that was our brother Ron. Our fault for telling him Harry Potter was here. He’s not used to meeting famous people. Consider him an overzealous fan.”

   Harry blushes at the reminder. “Uh, no, no worries. Nice to meet you. Thanks for the help earlier.”

   “No worries.” George waves a hand dismissively. “We’ll see you later. Oy, Fred! You just passed our compartment!”

   The compartment door is closed behind them, and Draco shakes his head. “Weasley, the youngest one, clearly wanted to be friends with you because you’re famous. Like I wrote you, you’ll run into those types all over. Who knows, maybe the twins were in on it too.”

   “You think?” Harry considers it for a moment then shrugs. “George and Fred seemed nice even before they knew who I was earlier. As for their brother, well, I just don’t like people talking about my friends. Or telling me what to do. If he wanted to be friends, he should’ve just said so.”

   Draco is surprised at Harry’s reasoning, and starts laughing. “You’re weird, you know that?”

   “What happened with your friends?” Harry asks when Draco’s done laughing.

   “Ah, I ran into Theodore. Pansy convinced them I’d be sitting with her so they sat in her compartment. I told him we’d be back here, but it’s fine. They were being rather loud anyway. And this way, we don’t have to worry about Crabbe and Goyle trying to steal any snacks we buy. They’re always hungry.”

   “Their names are Crabbe and Goyle?”

   “Family names,” Draco clarifies.

   “Why do you call some of them by their first name and some by their last?”

   “Ah, it’s considered polite to only address those you’re close with by their first name, and everyone else by their last name.”

   “Oh, so when I wrote you that first letter, it should have said ‘Malfoy’ instead of ‘Draco’?” Harry wonders aloud.

   Draco shrugs. “Well, yes, but it’s fine. I realized since you were raised with Muggles, you probably didn’t know any better.”

   “I think it’s less because I grew up with Muggles, and more that your family is super upper class,” Harry argues. “That sounds like the kind of rule rich people have.”

   “Hm, maybe.” Draco thinks it over, never having thought of it like that. “Although,” he points out after a moment, “didn’t your parents leave you a bunch of money? So you’re rich, too.”

   “Honestly, I still forget,” Harry admits. “I’ve never really had my own money to buy whatever.”

   There was a knock on the door and then a woman opened the compartment door with a dimpled smile asking if they wanted anything from the cart she was pushing.

   Draco grins. “Well, here’s your chance to spend some, then.”

   Harry jumps up, more than a little hungry after skipping breakfast, only to realize he wasn’t familiar with any of the snacks on offer. “Wow, I’ve never seen any of these.”

   “Are you joking?” Draco shakes his head, answering himself. “No, of course you’re not. We’ll just have to take some of everything then.”

   Harry insists on paying, and then dumps the giant load on the seat next to Draco, sitting on the same side so the snacks are piled between them. Draco insists on letting him have the box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans, laughing loudly when Harry immediately eats a green one he’d assumed would be apple or lime flavored only for it to turn out to be grass. The Cauldron Cakes and Pumpkin Pasties are great follow-ups to recover from the strange jelly bean. When Harry opens a Chocolate Frog before Draco can explain it will jump, he’s so amused he opens a couple of the other ones, both of them laughing as the compartment is momentarily filled with half a dozen hopping frogs. All but one have stopped when the door opens and a round-faced boy is momentarily caught off guard when it suddenly jumps at him.

   “Trevor?” He pulls the treat off the front of his robe where it jumps and visibly deflates at seeing it’s just chocolate. “Oh, no. Have you seen a toad? I can’t find mine.”

   Harry shakes his head, smiling. “A toad? No. Sorry.” Draco shakes his head as well, and the boy leaves.

   Once he’s gone, Draco starts looking through the cards, showing them to Harry and explaining what they are when he realizes it’s yet another thing the Boy Who Lived knows nothing about. He’s highly amused at Harry’s surprise when, right before his eyes, Merlin stretches and then moves out of frame. But it’s Harry’s reaction to seeing the Albus Dumbledore, frowning down at it as he studies it, that piques Draco’s interest.

   “What is it?”

   Harry looks up at him, shrugging as he puts the card aside with the others he’d gotten. “Ah, no, I was just surprised. I’ve heard of Albus Dumbledore, but it’s the first I’m seeing of him.” Harry stops, wondering if he should explain the feeling of distrust that comes over him at hearing the name--and now seeing --Albus Dumbledore, but not quite sure how to explain himself. He has no frame of reference for what might be weird in the wizarding world, so he doesn’t know if this sense of déjà vu he gets is normal or not. “He’s older than I expected,” he finishes lamely.

   “He’s pretty famous too,” Draco informs him. “Father doesn’t like him.”

   Harry’s tempted to ask for more info but they’re once again interrupted by someone opening the door. The boy who’d asked about the toad is back, standing behind the girl who’d opened the door. She has brown skin, bushy brown hair, and brown eyes that look around the room, taking in both boys, the owl, and the pile of wrappers and uneaten snacks quickly before gazing back at the boys. When she speaks, her large front teeth stand out, and her tone is distinctively bossy, but something about her is so familiar that it takes Harry a moment to put together what she’s said.

   He is too busy realizing that the same sense he’d gotten from Draco back in Diagon Alley, that had prompted him to befriend him, is coming over him again twofold. Somehow, he knows that Draco might be his first friend, but this girl was going to be his best friend. He should probably look into why he gets these feelings at all.

   “Have either of you seen a toad? Neville’s lost one.”

   Draco sighs. “Harry already told him we haven’t. It’s just a toad anyway.”

   “Harry? As in Harry Potter?” the girl asks, eyes moving from Draco over to Harry. Blinking, Harry just nods. “I’m Hermione Granger and this is Neville Longbottom. I know all about you. You’re mentioned in our History of Magic book, of course, but I got some extra books for background reading and you’re in Modern Magical History and The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts , as well as Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century .”

   Harry stares, surprised, looks over at Draco who shrugs, then back at her. “Am I?”

   “Didn’t you know? I’d have learned all I could if it were me,” she announces.

   “Yes, well, it’s not. Shouldn’t you be off looking for a toad?” Draco reminds her.

   Hermione frowns at Draco. “No need to be rude. Who are you?”

   “Draco Malfoy. We need to change since we’ll likely arrive soon, so leave already,” Draco orders.

   “Draco.” Harry shakes his head at him, then looks back at Hermione Granger and Neville Longbottom. “I’ll keep an eye out for the toad, but we haven’t seen ‘em.”

   “All right, thank you.” She starts to close the door, telling Neville, “Come on, let’s ask them down there.”

   “Longbottom’s family is one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight,” Draco says after they’ve left. “Granger, on the other hand, is probably Muggle-born . They really shouldn’t be letting any of them into Hogwarts, I think. Keep it in the old wizarding families.”

   “What?” Harry challenges. “Why does it matter?”

   Draco stares at him for a moment like he can’t believe he’s asking. “They’re just not the same! They’re not brought up to know our ways or anything.”

   “Neither have I,” Harry points out, then reminds his friend, “And my parents might have been a witch and wizard, but my mum was a Muggle-born. If she hadn’t been accepted at Hogwarts, my parents wouldn’t have met and I wouldn’t be here.”

   Draco is about to say something more to defend his point, but he closes his mouth with an audible click at this reminder. He wants to push back, make Harry understand why Muggle-borns just aren’t the same, but he can’t think of how to do so without sounding like he’s insulting Harry’s mother. If Harry got annoyed with Ron for seeming to insult Draco, a friend he’s only just made, chances are insulting his mum is a surefire way to make him angry.

   They change without exchanging another word, each of them lost in their own thoughts. Harry, wondering how he can get his friend to understand why his way of thinking is wrong. Draco, trying to think of a way to get through to Harry that pureblood witches and wizards are superior. It’s an awkward silence, and when they’ve finished changing, neither seems sure of what to say or how to change the subject. Finally, at a voice announcing they’re about to arrive and are to leave their luggage on the train, they decide to divvy up the remaining snacks and stuff them into their pockets.

   When the train stops, they shuffle out into the corridor and make their way onto the platform outside. The night is cooler here, farther up in the north, and Harry hopes they aren’t going to be outside for long. It’s with relief that he recognizes the booming voice calling for first years. When Hagrid spots him and greets him, Harry’s mood is instantly lifted.

   Draco is standing next to him still, and by the way he’s looking around Harry thinks he might be trying to find his other friends. He wonders if their brief friendship is due to be over already. Still, Harry nudges him and nods his head towards Hagrid and the lamp he’s holding as he calls the first years over before heading over. He doesn’t want Draco to think he doesn’t want to be friends anymore, but he also doesn’t know if now that he’s been reminded that Harry’s parentage isn’t as “pure” as his own, if he’ll want to stay friends. All he can do is act like he normally would and leave Draco to make his own choice.

   Hagrid leads them all down through a slippery dark path down to the edge of a large lake where they all get a glimpse of the castle for the first time. He gives them all a moment before announcing they’re to get into boats, keeping to 4 per boat, and he waves Harry over clearly to join him. When he reaches Hagrid, he’s holding up a toad he’s just found. Neville Longbottom cries out the toad’s name, rushing forward to claim the animal, and Hermione Granger comes following after him at a slower pace. It’s clear they’re going to also join Hagrid’s boat, and so Harry assumes even if he’d been inclined to join, chances are Draco will take one look at who else is there and opt to sit with his friends instead.

   It seems all the more certain when after getting in the boat, Harry spots Ron Weasley making a beeline for their boat to claim the last spot.

   So he’s surprised when Draco materializes in front of him, climbing in and muttering, “Mark my words, Potter. Longbottom is going to let that toad go and knock us all in the water trying to catch him.”

   “Hope you know how to swim then, Malfoy,” Harry answers with a grin.

   Then they’re off across the lake, making their way towards the glittering castle on the other side.

Story Notes:

Title is from a Pink Floyd song.

[dennou-translations]

Violet Evergarden Gaiden: Chapter 4

Please feel free to message me about possible corrections. If you can, consider supporting the creators by purchasing the official releases here.

← Previous || Index || Next →

Writing letters was similar to singing tunes.

“Pleased to make your acquaintance. I rush anywhere my customers might desire. I am from the Auto-Memories Doll service, Cattleya Baudelaire.”

Such was the pet theory of a certain Auto-Memories Doll, and she truly did think that way.

“Well, I’m going to begin, okay?”

Singing required people to put together a scenario in their heads, and therefore, it was also similar to painting.

“‘Mert, have you been doing fine? Thank you for the letter. Your letters are encouragement for me.’”

The moment she would take a breath to begin writing was when she would start singing.

“My, I mistyped. Let’s do it over.”

Once the recipient received the letter, how would they react? How would they feel about those words?

“It’s natural that you want to tell him to study hard... but if that occupies most of the letter, it’ll get tiring. Your younger brother was pushed into a boarding school, right? It doesn’t look like he’d have much fun there, so I think it’s better to take the direction of saying that he’ll grow up the way you did and become free from home if he puts effort into his studies. But if we write about you praising yourself too much, it’ll get boring, so let’s be moderate. All the more if you want to receive a reply.”

She would picture it in her head.

“Well, then, on from where we stopped.”

There was a beginning and an end to melodies. How they could differ from being remarkable or otherwise gently cheerful depended on the song she was playing, but from the start to the middle, things would gradually become more exciting.

The typewriter’s noise was the piano. The rustling of the fountain pen was the violin. Lastly, the clatter of the cymbal would ensue, bringing it to an end.

“How’s that?”

The finished letter turned into a living being. Each sound of each word danced about, and human vitality could be felt in the smell of ink. The letter had become a story.

Cattleya Baudelaire performed her ghostwriting in that fashion.

Auto-Memories Dolls and their customers were world-building cooperators that created the tales, music and images called “letters”. The more time they spent together and the richer the contents of the letters were, the closer their hearts would be to one another. However, there were people who would reach that level at once, even within an unusually short span.

“Would you... accept going out with me?”

Such as that client.

      Cattleya Baudelaire

      As of late, a certain establishment was popular in Leiden, the capital of Leidenschaftlich.

The owner of the building that used to be a reception hall had reformed it into a space where people could enjoy sweets and music – “Café Magnolia”. The citizens of Leiden admired the place, in which one was only finally allowed to enter through waiting for a month after having made a reservation. It was a desired spot where people would have their eyes watering at the decorations of the marvelous interior and could bask in the music of pianists whom remained there constantly.

The players changed depending on the day and hour. Perhaps because a place where young musicians performed was also a place for seeking patrons, the age range of the visitors was wide.

As they let out emotional sighs, it would seem that Cattleya and the one sitting with her were the youngest in the shop. Just as the rumors had it, the prices in the menu handed to them were high, but as they saw the dishes brought over, they understood the worthiness of the investment. Money could hardly purchase the emotion instigated by a three-level cake stand.

She and her companion decided to pick the items they liked one by one. Firstly, after much indecision, she chose the apple pie. Excitedly bringing closer the plate of apple pie that was next to her, she thrust her fork into it. Upon having one mouthful, she realized that it was what she had wanted. Eating something sweet inside a warm shop was the true pleasure of winter.

Lux Sibyl, who sat across her, was unable to lay her hand on a chocolate cake even as it sat in front of her. It looked extremely delicious. Cattleya wanted to eat it.

As the waiter had brought the cakes in the middle of their conversation, the topic cut off completely at the good part.

“Cattleya, and then what?”

“This is the best... Ah~, really~, thanks for hanging out with me, Lux! Isn’t this place so expensive? Besides, you can’t finish a three-level stand if you don’t love sweets. Everyone told me no, but isn’t that stupid? You’d have to be pretty dumb not to eat this, right?”

“Yep, I think it’s a wonderful shop. Well, then, Cattleya—”

As if to interrupt Lux as she at last uttered those words, Cattleya continued, “By the way, have you heard? Didn’t the President buy some land? Like, the one he made into a base for our production factory. They say there’s a legendary waterfall near that village. If you bring home a stone from the bottom of the water, your dreams come true... How about we go together next time?”

“This kind of legend is no use if you go with someone, right? But that’s not it, Cattleya. I want to get back to the previous topic.”

Putting a sugar block processed into the shape of a star in her tea and mixing it, Cattleya answered, “Ah, the talk about me getting asked out, was it? Yep, I declined.”

“EH~~~~~~?”

Cattleya found herself thinking about strange things, such as how the sugar must be feeling good if it was melting in that kind of tea. It might be that her head was in a daze from the sudden ingestion of too large an amount of sugar. Or was the problem that the two were currently talking about actually the one to blame?

“That’s ‘cause he told me it was on the condition of marriage.”

It was not the first time Cattleya Baudelaire was proposed into a romantic relationship, but that had been the first person to make her conscious of marriage ever since she had been born.

“EH~~~~~~~?”

“Lux, you’re noisy.”

As her voice had indeed been loud, Lux put both hands over her lips after restlessly scanning her surroundings. “Is he that person who came by the company?”

“Right. That person who came by the company is him.”

“I have the feeling he was a cool guy... He’s a bit older than you, but that’s also charming, so to say.”

As Cattleya told her to eat up, Lux finally brought the cake into her mouth. While chewing without uttering her impressions of it, she waited for Cattleya’s next words.

“Lux, you sure enjoy listening to other people’s love matters even though you yourself aren’t in a relationship, huh?”

“I do. I mean, it’s still early for me to be into that stuff, so it’s like an encounter with the unknown...”

Lux Sibyl had the title of president’s secretary, but her figure as she spent her time so peacefully was that of a little girl. Moreover, she had lived most of her life being controlled by a cultist organization, and so she was most certainly a novice to everything. There was no mistaking that Cattleya’s was one of the problems in the textbook of romance between women and men.

“I want to try it one day too, but right now, I want to listen to other people’s stories. Okay, go on.” Lux’s heterochromatic eyes were full of curiosity.

“He runs a perfume store here in Leiden. He’s a perfumer. His name is Chris. I passed by his store a while ago and it seems to be doing well. He also looks like a good man; his face isn’t bad and he’s got a soft demeanor. That’s right, he seems like he’d make a good husband if he got married. He’s a man that women get attached to.”

“Cattleya, don’t you like him?”

Being asked so, Cattleya was deep in thought. Between choosing if he was either her type or not, she would say he was. However...

“I wonder. I don’t really know. He feels different from what I tend to like.”

...the face of one person surfaced in her mind.

“The one I like isn’t a person who’d fall for me, huh.” She rested her chin on her hand and sighed.

“Aah, President Hodgins. Indeed, I think it’s impossible with him. Not because it’s you, Cattleya, or anything of the sort. It’s because the President plays with fire where it won’t harm the company, so with fellow members, that’s… He’s the sort of person who experiences romance in a properly logical way. He just likes romantic relationships and women, so he doesn’t fall in love.” As expected of someone who was always together with him from morning to night, Lux, who usually gave gentle and modest responses regarding other people, described the individual named Claudia Hodgins with her merciless side.

“Hm~. That’s right. President Hodgins. He does give off that feeling after all, doesn’t he?”

“He does. I think President Hodgins is probably waiting for a fated person. It feels like he won’t marry anyone if this person doesn’t show up... But a woman that President Hodgins would throw everything away for and dedicate himself to is just...”

“What about Violet?”

As the name of the friend that both of them had in common was mentioned, Lux made an X with her arms. “Eh~, Violet is his family already. Besides, Violet has... that man.”

“Is that so? I see. It can’t be her.”

“Right, can’t be her. That’s why I told him that I think there’s no such person in the world.”

“What did President Hodgins say?”

“He told me, ‘Little Lux, that’s horrible; I’ll take it out of your pay’. He pretended to be crying.”

Cattleya was able to imagine it and burst into laughter. Lux did not manage to hold back either and giggled with a “huhuhu”.

While the conversation became lively, a second serving of black tea arrived. The next cake she picked was a tart decorated with fruits and candy sculptures. It was expectedly delicious. She wanted Violet, who had come into the topic, to try it as well. She had not seen the latter in a while.

Violet was the most demanded Auto-Memories Doll. She was currently somewhere around the continent. It would have been great if she were present.

“Y'know, I’ll say this because we ended up talking about it... I declined dating him, but I accepted going together for a meal... with Mr. Chris.”

If Violet Evergarden were in that place, what would she have said in reply to Cattleya’s statement?

“Have you become friends with him?”

——Yeah, feels like she’d ask something as off-handed as that.

Although she was not Violet, Lux had a good reaction in her own way. She moved her chair with a clang, pitching forward. The three-level cake stand interfered with the distance between the faces of the duo.

“W-Why? I-Is this the beginning of a for-fun relationship? Cattleya, you do that kind of stuff?”

As it was quite a misunderstanding, Cattleya denied with impressive vigor, “Wrong, wrong! I may have these looks, but I’m pure-hearted when it comes to romance, y’know? What I said when I rejected him was that I couldn’t date on the premise of getting married to someone I didn’t know very well… so the talk turned into ‘then please get to know me’… The other was a client, so I couldn’t strongly refuse him.”

“Eh~, how rare. Isn’t it so Cattleya-ish to firmly tell the people you don’t like that you don’t want it? Were you feeling ill?”

“Oh, Ms. Lux. That’s badmouthing, isn’t it?”

“It would be badmouthing if I were giving a critique, but as a friend, I like that unwavering side of you. Besides, I think that’s essential for Auto-Memories Dolls. Aren’t the female Auto-Memories Dolls actually wooed all the time by the costumers? Like, have you heard the rumors about that girl from the Guardian Company?”

“The one about how she was going to fall into the hands of some big-name politician, but her postman boyfriend showed up climbing the slope, chased him off and confessed to her in the end! I know it! That one really makes my heart race!”

“I get you! To top it off, those two were childhood friends, they say. My, honestly. Isn’t that romance novel level?”

“I really like the climax where he goes, ‘She’s mine~’. From that book you lent me, I mean.”

“The ‘Chronicles of the Star Knight Order’? From the part where the protagonist offers her body to the grandmaster? Chapter three of the second volume?”

“That one~! It’s very similar to what happened. Huh, aren’t we getting off-topic?”

“We are. Sorry, I was the one who deviated from it... Ah, this cake is delicious.”

As the flow of the conversation between the two women turned into a commonplace one, they decided to calm down for a moment.

Cattleya helped herself to a third cup of tea. The pot became empty, and so they requested seconds to a fine-looking waitress.

Customers who ordered the three-level cake stand had free second servings of either black tea or coffee. Cattleya deemed it a good arrangement. Such thoughtfulness was important. She was already starting to think about whom she would come with on her next visit to the place.

“Cattleya, is it okay if I eat the scone?”

“Sure thing. It’s plain, though, but is it tasty?”

“I like it a lot. Might like it more than cake. That’s right, the continuation. When is your date?”

“It’s tomorrow.”

“EH~~~~~~~?”

“Lux, you’re noisy.”

“That’s ‘cause…” Lux protested, her face red. “Hey, hey, if… if you end up thinking after this date that going out with Mr. Chris wouldn’t be so bad, it’d be a date on the premise of going out, wouldn’t it?”

“It would for him, but I...”

“Cattleya, if you don’t have that intention, it’d be fine if you didn’t go, right? You’ll go, won’t you?”

“I will...”

“Then, tell me the results, ‘kay?”

Being asked so with a grin, Cattleya replied with a “if I feel like it”. Lux gave her a sullen look.

Cattleya took her eyes off the complaining Lux, watching the scenery out the window. The roadside trees that would have been filled with fresh verdure if it were summer, their frames devoid of any leaves and completely naked, as well as the outdoors where cold winds blew fiercely appeared somewhat sad. The people walking on the streets had their backs arched, holding the collars of their coats together.

She could also see the figures of postmen running their motorcycles around. Despite not thinking that it was him, Cattleya wound up leaning her body over the window to take a look. It indeed was not him. The other did not have blond hair, and even from far away, she could immediately tell that he had a completely different face and body. He just happened to also be a postman.

“What’s wrong?”

Cattleya had overreacted to a mere postman. Upon being asked the question by Lux, she answered with “nothing”, her voice sounding as though her heart was not there. She sat well-mannered back on her seat.

“Hey, what happened, really?”

“I thought it might be him.”

“Hm? What?” Lux asked again, perhaps not having heard it well.

Puckering her lips, Cattleya answered, “Benedict.” Her tone was prickly.

With an “ah”, Lux soon understood what she had been attempting not to say. Tilting her neck a little, Lux giggled, “Feels like it’s been a long time since he left, huh... Whenever I see someone in the city turn around the corner on a motorcycle, I also find myself thinking that it might be Benedict. Everyone asks me if there isn’t any correspondence from him yet like it’s an every day thing.”

“Aren’t there any letters or postcards from him?”

“Nothing... Hey... Cattleya, today’s the first time you’ve asked about that, right...? Ever since Benedict reported a leave of absence.”

Almost like a child being scolded by an adult, Cattleya dropped her gaze. “Can’t I...? I-I used to fight with him a lot, but we’ve been buddies since the founding days!”

“I didn’t say you can’t, Cattleya.”

“He’s really heartless. He told the President and Violet that he was stepping away from the company!”

“Yup.”

“Even though... Even though I was also there from the start...!”

“Yup. Makes you lonely, huh?”

Lux’s honesty precisely described the feeling that Cattleya had been trying to hide. She was lonely. Except, if she were able to say it, she would not be puckering her lips and spouting complaints.

“I don’t wanna say that I’m lonely even if my mouth splits!”

Cattleya Baudelaire was not that kind of woman.

She pierced a cake with her fork and forcibly thrust it into her mouth. She chewed it, downed it at once with tea, and violently pierced the cake again. It might be that she thought of the cake as if it were Benedict.

“It’s already been three months. Winter is ending and it seems like spring’s about to arrive, huh… Yet the President doesn’t let anyone touch Benedict’s motorcycle... I also haven’t removed him from the employee name register.”

Hearing Lux’s words almost as consolation for her, Cattleya puffed her cheeks. “I’m not lonely!”

“Hm-hm.”

“The President’s being himself too. Simply lets an employee leave when he asks for it without knowing when he’ll be back.”

——I’m a disgusting fellow.

Although the truth was that she did not want to be defaming him, she detested having her feelings exposed.

“Even if he comes back just like that, I won’t talk to him. ‘Cause he left without talking to me,” she spat out her negative emotions as a distraction. She basked in the kindness of Lux, who laughed as if troubled by hearing that.

She had been pondering over someone to listen to what she had to say today in that place. She had chosen Lux.

Lux said gently, as if to soothe her, “I’d be happy if he came back, though…”

It was almost as if she represented Cattleya’s inner thoughts.

“I’m someone who started working there midway, but I think he’s a good person, though he has a foul mouth. After I was brought in by Violet and hired to work under President Hodgins... the one who’d come talk to me every now and then almost looking concerned was Benedict. He’s nice to girls younger than him. Besides, thinking about the company’s management as the President’s secretary, he’s needed. There’s never enough people in the postmen personnel. Many of them soon quit after being recruited and employed, so people like Benedict, who roam around a lot even while complaining and have leadership skills, are really important staff. He should be involved with the company’s management in the future. As the spokesperson of the employees, that is. I’m sure our administrator, the President, feels this way too. Also, Cattleya, there was no helping that you didn’t know. I mean, you were far away because of your Auto-Memories Doll work. It might be that Benedict had wanted to tell you but couldn’t. No, surely he wanted the number of people he had to say goodbye to to be small. Looks like something really terrible happened to him. Violet and the President won’t tell me anything, though. But the two said he’d come back, and Benedict himself has that intention too, so maybe he didn’t say it on purpose. Isn’t he the kind of person who hates sappy stuff, that guy? Let’s wait for our selfish Benedict. I’m also one of the people that he didn’t say anything to.”

Whispered slowly in a quiet and lovely voice, the prolonged statement pierced straight into her chest. Rather than the contents of what was spoken by Lux, Cattleya was stunned at the excessive broadness of her views and the wideness of her heart’s capacity. Lux was a girl younger than her, but could almost be thought of as her mother.

“Why do you have to be such a good kid…?”

She wound up feeling miserable about how immature she was despite being the older one in their afternoon tea party.

After that, they left all sorts of things aside, fooling around and going on a stroll for the first time in a while. They went through bookshops and adorable general stores, as well as fashion boutiques for their respective differing tastes. Whenever the clerks asked, “Are you sisters?”, they would laugh and answer, “We’re colleagues and friends”.

As sunset time came about, they headed to the office, holding several shopping bags. Cattleya tagged along with the diligent Lux, who claimed she wanted to get over with at least a little of the work that she had left undone the previous day.

With nothing to do, Cattleya went to the president’s room. Hodgins was absent, a cactus and small potted plants sitting on the president’s desk instead with an odd sense of displacement to them, as well as a note that used them as paperweight. “Business and dinner. Be back at night,” it said. As she showed it to Lux, the latter deciphered, “This means going out for dinner with the woman he’s making a move on lately” with a displeased face. It seemed he would in fact properly come back at night. That much was a given, for he had his residence in the company.

The two had dinner together afterward and split. As they had talked so much, although she bid her farewells cheerfully, Cattleya felt lonely after walking three steps.

She would be on vacation the next day as well. While dispirited and lonesome from parting ways with someone even though she knew they would see each other again soon, she went home. She spotted a stray cat on the way and gave chase, but did not manage to pet it.

“I’m home.”

Once she sat on the slightly dusty bed of the residence that she did not come back to very often immediately upon arriving, she lay down naturally. She then stirred up with a “shouldn’t do that, shouldn’t do that” and wiped off her make-up.

With her stunning facial features, people frequently thought that Cattleya’s make-up was too dense, but there was actually not much difference from before and after she applied it. As each part of her face had a distinct structure, she would merely look a little younger.

After taking a hot bath, she took out of her closet a negligee that she had bought but never worn and changed into it. Wondering what phase the Moon was in that evening, she looked out the window, but it was not visible. Instead, she could only see the twinkling of a few stars. Dressed in her negligee and brushing her hair, Cattleya eyed the lights of each house. They reminded her that, unlike herself, who was living alone, there were people living in the company of others.

——Married couples are actually amazing, huh.

That form of love, which could be considered a contract carried out all over the world, could not be conceived without a second party. She would probably do it someday. Or so she believed when she was a child, but she had not yet met a man that she would likely marry after having become of age. Perhaps she would never.

——Being with someone for your whole life even though it isn’t a person that you’re in love with would be impossible for me.

Since that was her situation in regards of just marriage, she was even less able to imagine herself having a child. After all, Cattleya thought, she was like a child herself. Even so, as the trends of society were composed in a way that urged her on, she had a vague sense of obligation to do it.

Such sense of obligation caused her to taste a coffee-like bitterness. It was by no means savory.

——I wonder if there’re other girls out there going to sleep with the same feelings as me.

It would be better if not, but she found herself wishing that there were. She hoped said girls had female friends who could tell them that everything was all right.

——I’m glad I have a job.

Working enabled her to deviate a little from the demands that she had as a woman to fulfill such obligation. As she thought about the word “obligation”, it pierced her heart indirectly.

——Benedict didn’t have any obligation to tell me anything.

He had been stuck in her mind all along. Much like a small cut, it ached.

Cattleya had not been allowed into Benedict’s life, plain and simple. Whatever he did was of his own concern. That was all. He was under no commitment to report anything to her.

Nevertheless, Cattleya had intended to get along well with him. They did fight often, but somehow or other, she had the feeling that he was the one she got along with the best. That had been a misunderstanding on her part.

——I’m... always like this.

In Cattleya’s life, it was not one or two times that she had misinterpreted getting along with someone when it was actually not the case.

——‘Cause I’m an idiot.

It might be that everyone was putting up with being together with her.

——I’m... definitely...

Perhaps she was the kind of person who could never become somebody’s significant other.

Thinking about it caused her to feel anxious and sad, tears coming out of her eyes, and so she rolled onto the bed, covering herself past her head with her blankets. Blocking the outside world had her slightly relieved. She pleaded that the morning did not have to come. Her worries and sorrows would all melt away once she was asleep, much like the sugar in her black tea.

——...lonely.

To think Benedict Blue’s absence would make her so weak.

“Give up,” another side of her reveled in her head.

Right. She had no choice but to give up. He was not fond of her and she no longer had room to enter his life.

——I’m lonely.

Rounding up like a fetus, Cattleya fell asleep.

      As if the coldness of the previous day had been a lie, it was warm out in the next morning. Winter was truly about to end.

Cattleya stared outside by the windowsill for a while, but started dressing up as if to shake something off. She had decided what she would wear since the day before. With the face of the person that she was going to meet in mind, she had picked from her various colorful outfits a white cache-cœur​ one-piece. It was slightly open at the chest, but not as much as usual.

When people with plump breasts dressed into clothes that did not fit the curves of their bodies, it would seem as though they had put on weight and their shape would expand into a different width as suggested by the outfit, almost as if they were clad in papier mache. It could be said that her attire was the best one to show for the first time out of her personal clothes.

She had considered putting on a black cape coat, but as the temperature had risen, she went with a lighter beige-rose gown coat. Lining up her nine-centimeter and five-centimeter heel shoes, she chose a five-centimeter one. They were probably only going to have a meal, but if they happened to go for a walk, nine-centimeter heels would take up time and make her feet hurt. After taking out a clutch bag in which only her wallet and lipstick could fit, she was ready.

As she went outside, the landlord of the rented house that she occupied was sitting on a bench at the edge of the road. She greeted him while passing by his side.

In the residential district where Cattleya lived, there were many elderly people living alone, as well as family households. Having been secluding themselves in their homes out of cold during midwinter, the elders were all strolling around. Caught up in their sluggish way of walking upon observing them, her fast pace reduced.

Going down the alleyway that led to the central part of the city, she could hear the sound of a piano from somewhere. The player was most likely a child, but they had probably practiced quite a lot with the windows closed in winter. The playing was more skilled than what she had heard back in autumn. It gave her an extremely real feeling that people were taking root and living their lives. In her continuous commissions, she would rush about every day, ignoring such scenery and sounds.

“Guess I’ll... quit being an Auto-Memories Doll in the future.”

She found herself wanting to lead an unchanging daily routine in that same city. In that sense, someone who worked in a shop fixed within city lines might be the best relationship partner.

      As she approached the front of the restaurant that they were supposed to meet at, regardless of it being a little earlier than the arranged time, the person in question was standing there. It was a man of burned-umber hair, with a thin frame but tall stature. He wore a trench coat over a jacket and shirt. He was the perfumer who ran a popular perfume shop in Leiden.

“Mr. Chris.”

A cache-cœur one-piece had indeed been the right pick, Cattleya thought. The restaurant pointed no dress-coats but the clothes that she had chosen instead. Suitable of a port capital such as Leiden, the restaurant apparently served a delicious shellfish.

“Ms. Cattleya. Thank you for coming. It’s warm today, isn’t it?”

“Yes, spring arrived all at once, huh?”

He casually held out his forearm and guided her into the restaurant. Instead of the sweet scent that Hodgins would have, of something like briars within sweet vanilla, he smelled of refreshing greenery.

——I prefer President Hodgins’s scent.

She was fond of the hunger that she felt whenever sniffing it from nearby. Being enveloped by the smell of something sugary gave her a feeling of glee. Today, too, she had actually wanted to eat cake since morning.

——What did he smell like again?

A blond man who had a bad way with words crossed her mind. Putting on cologne was not his taste. He probably did not smell of anything. One day or other, he would be clad in the scent of rain or reek of sweat – he was the type of man who wore his own odor.

“How about we pick our drinks?”

Having been shown to her seat, she scanned the menu. For safety, she chose a fruity wine as her drink. When reflecting on what to eat, she was informed that a pre-determined meal course had already been prepared. They had escaped having to evaluate in order to decide.

——He’s used to this, huh.

He would smile whenever they locked eyes, and so she would naturally end up smiling too.

“By the way, I got a reply from my little brother to that letter.”

“Ah, how was it?”

“More sincere than the usual. All thanks to you being the one who wrote it. We’re far apart in age, so... even though I find him so cute that I can’t help myself, he’s on one hell of a rebellious phase. It’s been hard to communicate my intentions.”

Starting with appetizers, the two ate in sequence each dish served to them as they were brought over.

“Aah... I understand. I’m on the opposite side. I’m the youngest child, and other than me, there’s nine... older brothers.”

“‘Nine’? That’s incredible.”

The conversation did not feel unpleasant. Back when being commissioned by him, she had felt from the beginning that he was someone easy to interact with. Never had he become incomprehensibly angry or flared up at her. Like how a certain someone would.

“My oldest brother was over ten years older than me, and to a youngest daughter with an older brother like that, the eldest son was someone irritating, ‘cause he’d get praised just by showing up at our house while I was always being scolded.”

“I see. But I’ve also had a tough time in the process of my growth.”

She could tell that he was trying to have her enjoy the conversation. He had an adult composure.

“On top of that, Mr. Chris, we think we can’t compare to people like you, who reign over the other siblings as someone who works hard and is successful, and we’re treated as lesser no matter what we do, so it’s even more complicated.”

“I wonder if that’s like what I feel towards my father. He’s a trader, and I’m no match for him at all.”

“Even though you run such a popular store?”

“I have yet to earn passing marks from my father.”

——Did you ask me out because I reached the passing marks to be your marriage partner?

She used the shellfish to push down the words that seemed about to come out of her throat.

“In my family, it’s customary that everyone has a ship of their own. Want to go for a ride when it gets warmer?”

“That ship is probably not like the kind I have in mind, is it?”

“What were you imagining?”

Being asked so, she answered honestly, “A ferryboat.”

That was a small boat used to move from shore to shore. Chuckling, he replied, “It’s a little bigger than those.”

From the way he laughed, she guessed it was probably quite a huge ship.

Cattleya looked at the man named Christ once again. She liked the gentle eyes that peeked from underneath his burned-umber hair and his slow manner of speaking, she thought. He did not lack anything. On the contrary, she was the one full of defects, which made her want to question why he had chosen her as companion for today.

She attempted asking frankly, “Why... did you ask me out?”

Chris showed an aspect of surprise at the prodding into the heart of the matter, but responded levelly without glossing things over, “I often have to be cautious at work, Ms. Cattleya, so I fancy carefree women like you. It’s fun, like normal. Being with you, that is.”

“Aren’t you being super careful right now?”

“It’s not like that. I mean, sure, I’m making an effort so you’ll enjoy yourself. But there’s an ease to it. You probably wouldn’t be too disappointed if I showed you an ugly side of me in this date, right?”

“‘Ugly side’?”

“Like getting pasta sauce on my shirt. Or letting coins spill out of my wallet when paying the check.”

“I do stuff like that too. I’d ask, ‘what are you doing~’, but I’d help you out.”

“That’s it; this much carelessness is just great. The costumers who visit my store have a demerit system, so there’s no mistaking that we need to have them make their purchases with beautiful gestures and with a sense of refinement to it. I used to think Auto-Memories Dolls were also like that, but you were completely different. The moment we met, you greeted me with a cheerful ‘Hello!’. It was also really easy to get advice for the ghostwriting. We’d just met for the first time, but it felt like I was hanging out with some girl who lived in my neighborhood.”

“O-Our most demanded Doll deals with the costumers in an elegant way, unlike me. I’m... I’m no good. Besides, Mr. Chris, there are many girls like that. Aren’t there some of them among the girls that frequent your store?”

“There aren’t beautiful women who are as easygoing and nice as you at all.”

“Is it about my face?”

“You’re pretty.”

“I...”

“Also, you’re cute. You’re probably much competed for, but I wanted to have you, is what I thought. That’s my reason.”

Being told so, in spite of her embarrassment, Cattleya’s chest filled with happiness. She wondered how someone who could give off such a feeling of certainty was single. She could not refrain from suspecting that he had some sort of dubious habit.

“Mr. Chris, could it be that you’ve been married once and have a child or something?”

“I haven’t yet even taken anyone as my fiancée.”

“Do you wander around night after night as a hobby or anything like that?”

“I have a disposition for getting sleepy as soon as I finish eating. I sleep before midnight.”

“Why are you single?”

“You too, why are you single?”

“I...”

“For starters, why do people get married?”

As his intonation changed, Cattleya looked at him sternly.

“There’s many motives, like the connection of a household and another, the continuation of a bloodline, financial assistance and romance, but don’t you think it’s okay not to be shackled by the contract called marriage?”

“Y-You asked me out on the basis of marrying me, yet you say something like that?”

“Sorry, sorry.” With a downcast look, Chris whispered, “How can I put it?” He wiped droplets from his empty champagne glass with his finger. “People around my age are treated like deviants if they aren’t married... but when you’re not blessed with any opportunities to get married, you end up thinking about lots of stuff. Like, ‘What’s marriage about?’. Or, ‘What’s falling for someone about?’. You see, whenever my parents come to my house, they’ll say, ‘My, there’s so much tableware even though you live by yourself’. I just happen to buy a lot of it because I come home tired and don’t wash the dishes for days. It’s not for someone else. What’s the point of getting married when I’m living for my own sake...? I think... and think...”

——The point of being in a romantic relationship while I’m living for my own sake...

“I can lead a life by myself, and my hobby is making perfumes, so I spend my free time secluded in my workshop. I get extremely happy when I pass by women around the city who wear my perfumes. I think I’d get even happier if I had a lover with me, but then the time I have for making perfumes would be reduced. I also think that, if so, it’d be reasonable to find a good person, get married and move in together. But can this be considered genuine love?”

——Being accepting of others while moving on with your own life. This and pure-heartedness just aren’t compatible.

“I... think you’re a wonderful person. I want to try falling in love with you. But when... impurities like having to marry you break into it, I immediately end up finding it stale. Even though I asked you out as a prerequisite for marrying you.”

“Like. I. Said. Why are you telling me this?”

At the slightly fed-up Cattleya, Chris raised both of his hands. “This is the reason why I can’t get married.” With a troubled frown, he kneaded his shoulder. “I dream with romance often. If I’m going to be in a relationship, I want to do it with being in love as the only point to it. Same goes for getting married. I like you, so just not wanting you to be taken by somebody else is a good enough reason. But when it comes to marriage, the pros and cons get mixed up. I also get stumped when I see the profits that the other person would gain by pursuing me. Even when I do get to date someone, my strength runs out before we go all the way. Like, ‘What, so this wasn’t a genuine one either’... But, if it’s with you... maybe even a straight-laced guy like me, who keeps thinking that love has to be done in a certain way, could age together almost as if we were friends... It’s not like I don’t want to fall in love. It’s that it doesn’t go right.” While speaking, perhaps because it had become difficult for him, Chris rested a hand on his front bangs, hiding his face. “For friends, it doesn’t matter much where you live or what you believe in, right? It’s fun to be with each other, and being together just for that reason is what friends are about. I believe I can have this kind of relationship with you... I’m asking you out on the premise of getting married, so I’ve tried... to put it honestly.”

Silence.

“Is that weird?”

“It’s... not... weird.”

——It’s not weird. It’s not weird at all.

“Even if... someone says it’s weird, I won’t.”

——No, I can’t say it.

After all, she was the same.

“Stupid woman.”

There was a voice in her head. A voice that she was yet unable to forget resounded.

“Cattleya.”

He had only ever called her name a few times.

“You, what’re you doing by yourself? Aah? Old Man left you behind?”

——If I’m going to be in a relationship, then let it be for the sole point of being in love.

“He~y, we’re getting complaints. Did you shake the client’s hand too hard again?”

——Because I like you.

“Old Man! Why’d you let her drink!? It was a pain in the ass sending her home!”

——Because I like you. Because I like you. Because I like you.

The feeling of “I like you” rushed about, almost as a revolving lantern. Her feelings for Benedict Blue were like an electric current.

——Why do I like him?

They were impactful and vibrant.

——The person in front of me is definitely better.

The revelation was unlike any other.

——But, I can’t with him.

It was as if it had been thrown into her face.

——Because love...

...was not electricity-powered.

——No matter what country you’re in, love...

...was not written with the verb “to do” but with “to fall”.

——If I still have someone I like, I can’t be in a relationship out of self-interest.

The one Cattleya had fallen for was not that person.

“Mr. Chris... I... understand.”

She could tell why she was unable to fall for the man named Chris at that very moment.

“I understand very, very well.”

She could tell why she should not jump into his life.

“I... understand.”

It went against the love rules of Cattleya Baudelaire. She was in love with Benedict Blue, after all. She had been having a bad feeling the whole time due to inflicting said rules.

——It’s... that idiot’s fault.

She had controlled herself as to forcefully stop being in love. She had made an effort to forget about it. Normally, she did not associate with her clients. Yet she had ended up thinking that she must do so. Because she did not have someone.

One could not be in a relationship by oneself.

“I... get you, so it’s definitely better... if we don’t date each other...!”

Still, if she did not kick off the feeling of being in love, she would surely be stuck with that sentiment forever.

“Mr. Chris, you’re just choosing someone who resembles yourself. I’m like that too. If I’m going to be in a relationship...”

According to Cattleya Baudelaire’s love rules...

“...if I’m going to be in a relationship, I also only need the feeling of being in love!”

...one should go after the other and confess.

The people inside the restaurant quietly regarded the voices of the excited pair. They flickeringly turned their gazes toward the two, but as Cattleya sat down after having stood up with excessive vigor, each went back to their respective conversations.

Dumbfounded, Chris opened his mouth, “You’re telling me that now?”

Tending to giggle, she replied after a moment, “You asked me out on the premise of marrying me, so I spoke honestly too.”

Chris mushily ran his hands through his hair. He then said intermittently, “We might really be alike...” He let out a moan and fell prostrate onto the table.

“I think so. Besides, if we were friends, we’d probably get along super well. Seems like we’d get into arguments too, though.”

“Because we’re alike?”

“Because we’re alike!”

Perhaps finding her bitter smile truly entertaining, Chris snorted and broke into laugher.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’m the one who forcefully kept chasing you anyway...”

He called the waiter after that. She thought that he was going to request the check for certain, yet he up and picked a strong drink from the menu. He invited Cattleya to drink something as well.

“Eh, is it okay if I drink too?”

“Of course. Rather, please don’t go home. If you left now, it’d make things even harder. You dumped me the fastest out of the dates I’ve had until now, but the dessert hasn’t come yet and I don’t want to go home. I want to eat it together. It’s tough for a guy who assumedly got dumped to eat a dessert for two all by himself. I’m a sweet tooth.”

Being told so, Cattleya answered merrily, “Me too! But I haven’t dumped you. Nothing even began.”

“Indeed... it feels like it got cut off before it started.”

Oddly enough, the conversation they had afterward went smoothly somehow.

“Besides, instead of the beginning of a love that might end by the middle, Mr. Chris, isn’t the beginning of a friendship where it kinda seems like we’ll get along really well just what you need? In the end, rather than having fallen in love with me, you’re just personally picking someone to somehow satisfy your own dreams and self-interests, right?”

“No... Well... yeah.”

“Self-interest is really no good. Being in love is important.”

“I like you, though, y’know?”

“Give up on me. I’m sure this would’ve turned out as not genuine too. Also, I actually have someone I like.”

As Cattleya said so, Chris finally worked the resolve to give up. And on top of that, he gave her harsh and open advice. Even though he had not become upset when being suddenly rejected, he lost his temper. “You, if you have a person you like, you shouldn’t have accepted to go for a meal with me, right?”

“I-I’m sorry. I wasn’t getting myself too well...”

“So even if you’d gone out with me, you’d have broken up halfway, wouldn’t you? That’s rude to me.”

“I’m very sorry.”

“Please apologize more; I’m requesting a formal apology. I hate this kind of thing the most.”

“I’m very sorry. Next time, I will treat you to sweets. Would you go with me to Café Magnolia?”

“Eh, that one-month-wait place?” His attitude abruptly mitigated.

“Yesterday, I tried going with a friend and it was really good, and my friend and I finished a three-level cake stand!”

“‘A three-level cake stand’...”

“You also get free seconds of black tea.”

“That’s tempting...”

“Seriously, it feels like that sugar content deals you a physical blow, and it’s the best. The shop itself is also wonderful. It’s hard for a guy to go there by himself, right?”

As both rid themselves of the part of them that was being cautious of the other, they indeed talked quite some. Chris could not deny the feeling of becoming thoroughly distressed, but was a gentleman until the very end.

They ate the dessert, had an after-meal tea, and afterward, they passed by Chris’s shop, where he created a perfume fitting of Cattleya from scratch. The shop had a good air to it, to the point she wanted all of the lined-up products. Perhaps she could have had a future working there, but the one who had crushed it was Cattleya herself.

Making arrangements regarding the next day they would meet, they parted ways by evening.

“Manager, did you get dumped again? Why’d you make friends with the girl that rejected you?”

“Shut up.”

Hearing the exchange between Chris and a clerk before the shop’s door closed, Cattleya let slip a giggle.

      As the blue sky merged with the sunset, Cattleya was crossing a bridge said to be the oldest of Leiden. Having an extensive view of both the city and the sea, the place granted the best sight. Lovers were leaning onto each other’s shoulders and enjoying the scenery from the bridge. There was also an elderly couple walking an old dog. Amongst them, Cattleya alone strode in high and proud spirits.

——Tomorrow, I’ll give President Hodgins a notification of leave.

Walking with five-centimeter heels, her feet were making lighter footstep sounds than that morning.

——Even if that guy makes a fuss, I’ll ask him the reason why he didn’t tell me about it.

She felt as if she had become unbound by anything.

——I’ll look for him, find him and tell him that I like him.

She would not mind being rejected. That man was at least supposed to let her say it.

“Like. You,” as she tried mustering it out in a low voice, she became contented. “Like. You.” Drifting away from the people going past her, she was not embarrassed of talking to herself. “Like. You. Like... you.”

Only carriages and cars passed by her side.

“‘Benedict, I...”

Her own shadow strolled with dance-like steps.

“...like you’.”

Those were the only things supposed to be beside her.

“You, what’re you doing?”

Suddenly, a motorcycle riding right by her side entered her field of vision. Much like a mishmash of garbage, the motorcycle had a strange frame. It was not something from that continent.

Cattleya moved her gaze lethargically. Slightly burned by the Sun, sandy-blond hair was visible. So were androgynous facial features. Except, they felt somewhat manlier than before.

“Ah~... by the way, long time no see. Been doing well?” His voice was rough and a little peevish yet strong-willed. “I was going back just now. I thought it might be you and followed after, but...”

Cattleya wordlessly stood bolt upright. Her face was completely red.

“What... was that... just now?”

Once she saw his shy expression as he scratched his cheek with a finger, she reached her limit. She forgot about her determination to go meet him and confess. Everything blew off and she broke into a run from the spot at full speed.

“Eh, hey! Hey, stupid woman!”

——This is the worst, this is the worst, this is the worst!

The five-centimeter heels had been the right choice. If she were with nine-centimeter ones, it would have been the death of her feet.

——What do I do?! Where should I kill myself?!

Her head was deranging from the embarrassment.

——Sh-Should I kill him? Would that be faster?

She could hear the sounds of the motorcycle chasing her. Although she wanted to run faster, the cache-cœur​ one-piece coiled around her body, making the wind resistance strenuous.

“Cattleya!”

There was also no way that a human being could win against a motorcycle, and so it seemed her arm was going to be grabbed by the moment he overtook her. Not wanting to be caught no matter what, Cattleya changed her course and headed to the bridge’s handrail.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!”

She threw away her clutch bag. She also took off her shoes. Without caring about her long legs showing from underneath the hem of her one-piece, she climbed onto the railing. Crouching, she turned toward him. “I’ll kill you if you come here!”

“You’re the one who’ll die!”

That was their first exchange upon reuniting. Being himself, Benedict also seemed to be losing composure, but spread out both of his arms as to accept her. Seeing that, Cattleya bit her lip.

——Aah, how happy those arms would make me if this were a different situation.

Now they were nothing but an obstacle hindering her suicide attempt.

“Calm down; quit trying to die and to kill me.”

Cattleya shook her head as though to say she was unwilling. “Did you hear what I said earlier?”

“I did.”

“Wait, let’s redo this. When I ask you if you heard it... tell me you didn’t... please.”

“Got it. Ask one more time.”

“Did you hear what I said earlier?”

“It’s the part where you said that you liked me, right?”

“GEEZ~~~~~~!”

He caught her as she flailed her arms. If she were an ordinary girl, he would have secured her and it would have ended there.

“You’re on.”

But Cattleya Baudelaire was not.

“Ouch, ouch—ow, ow, ow, ow!”

“Let. Go. Of. Me!”

Cattleya was the physically stronger one. She bent the inner side of the arm that had been grasped and started striking with a twist.

“Stupid woman! Stupidly strong woman!”

“I know I am!”

“Why’re you running away? I don’t get it! You like...”

“I don’t like you, I don’t like you, I don’t like you!”

“I get it! Stop! I get it already! I’ll leave it as that for now, so seriously, stop applying force for a bit!”

Her movements ceased completely. As Benedict let go, Cattleya did not get off the railing but sat back down.

“Don’t glare, don’t glare.” His eyes locked with Cattleya’s teary ones. Benedict was finally able to look straight at the colleague that he had not seen in a while.

She was dressed in a way that he could instantaneously tell she was off-duty. More adult-like than usual, she had her luster remarkably intensified. She was wearing a fragrance that had the scent of greenery, which had rubbed on her from Chris. It was obvious that she was back from a date.

Whatever Benedict thought of it, he burst out laughing, “Hahah, you... I really don’t understand you.”

“What’s with that...?”

“Hey, I get it already. Let’s talk in peace for a bit. How was the company while I was out? Weren’t there any weird incidents or something? How’re Old Man and V?”

Cattleya replied with puckered lips, “Not really. Everyone’s doing fine. President Hodgins and Violet, too.”

“And you?”

“I’m doing fine.”

“That so? I think you got thinner, though.”

As she had actually lost weight, Cattleya was surprised.

“Hey~, were you lonely, even if just a little?”

Silence.

“Y’know, not even a wild animal would glare like that.”

“I definitely don’t wanna tell the guy who didn’t say anything to me that I was lonely!” She attempted to kick him with a bare foot, yet she swung and missed.

Benedict climbed onto the railing and sat on it as though to line up with Cattleya.

——Smells of earth.

She could sense the scent of him, which changed depending on the day.

“I ended up coming back ‘cause I was lonely,” Benedict whispered with a falsely energetic voice. “I went looking for someone for a bit. But I seriously have no clues so I really just went in circles. I also used most of the money I’d earned from the company and now I nearly haven’t got a single penny. Even it’s a continent that I used to live in, I’ve got next to no acquaintances over there... so I ki~nda started thinking that I wanted to hurry back home and stuff like that...”

Having never seen that side of his, Cattleya was in a trance, forgetting to close her mouth.

“In the end, even though the places I went to weren’t any good, I was able to gather a little info, so I’m thinking of going there again when I save up more money. Well, it’s also a mystery whether or not she’s in that continent in the first place...”

Silence.

“Ah, it’s my little sister. I’m looking for her. By the way, say something.”

“You had a little sister?”

“Oh, I did. I definitely did.”

“Did she run away from home? I did too, though...”

“No, it’s more like we lived separated. You, is it okay for you not to go back? Your parents must be worried.”

“Impossible. I’m me, so... it’s hard. Enough of my matters. So, are you returning to the company?”

“Yeah. I don’t have any other place to go back to.”

——I see, Cattleya thought.

Benedict would return. That alone made her incredibly happy.

“That so? Saves the trouble.”

She was truly glad. Leaving aside the fact she was currently in an embarrassing situation, she was honestly happy for just that much.

“Welcome home,” she wound up saying, smiling naturally. “Don’t go away all of a sudden anymore, ‘kay?”

——I like you, after all.

Perhaps that feeling of hers...

“‘Cause I was about to try looking for you.”

...had seeped out.

A slightly strong wind gusted, her long dark hair getting on her face. “You’ve ended up unfolding a foolish-looking escape number, but isn’t it about time to get off the handrail?” suggested the serenity of the cold wind.

“Hey.” She was about to say, “Shall we get off?” but saw him raising his hand. Beyond it, she also saw a face that she had never witnessed from Benedict.

Her dark hair was caught in his fingertips. While pushing its way through, his approaching palm drew near her. It was not even a second later that their faces connected with one another.

——His hand is moving, but...

She could not bring herself to flee, push him away or anything of the sort. As their faces rubbed onto each other’s, she sensed something wet. Rather than the feeling of “Why are you doing something like this?”, what she thought about was, “Why are you crying?”.

“If I disappeared... would you look for me?” His face had distanced from hers, but the hand that had come close to her cheek firmly reached out to her back and she became incapable of running off. “Hey, would you?” His rough and slightly peevish, yet strong-willed voice had changed into one that sounded as if he were so lonesome that he had become unable to endure it and was holding back from sobbing.

“Took me three months to work up the resolve for it, but if this ever happens again, I’ll go look for you.”

Benedict Blue’s three-month journey might have been something far more arduous than she had thought, Cattleya finally perceived. He was truly so, so lonely. Thus, he came back to the city that had already become his homeland and to the people in it.

“Even if you didn’t know where I’d go to?”

For the time being, she would leave aside what he had done to her. It might have been trouble for her, but she did not take it as cruelty.

“You’re an idiot, so I think you’d definitely leave clues somewhere.”

Right now, it was certain that she should listen to what he had to say.

“I—What if I – what if, y’know – were living life having forgotten about you?”

“Eh, I’d cry...”

“You’d cry?”

“I would. Like normal. But if I could bring you back, I’d do it. I mean, the President would be sad too.”

“I... wonder if he misses me. He was making an okay face when sending me off.”

“One more cactus appeared in President’s room while you were gone, and that’s ‘cause he named it Benedict. He’s lonely enough that he seems about to buy himself a dog with the name Benedict or something one of these days.”

“Don’t lie...”

“It’s not a lie. Let’s go to the company now. There’s a cactus on his desk, I tell you. Everyone’s seen him going, ‘Benedict, grow on’ when watering it.”

“Kuku. That’s a lie, ain’t it?”

“Hey, c’mon. Let’s go. I was thinking of going home, but since you’re here, I wanna go to the office.”

“Hn~, just a bit more.” The strength of the arm that was holding Cattleya became even firmer.

If she thought of shaking it off, she would be able to, but by the looks of it, she would turn into just a girl when she was in front of that man. She wondered if she still had a piece of her mind to give about him doing such things to her. She did not, but even if she had, she would want to kill it off.

——Well, I guess... that can be after this heat cools down a tad more.

Cattleya herself also wanted to stay like that a bit longer.

“Hey.”

“Hm?”

“I said ‘welcome home’.”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t ‘yeah’ me.”

“I’m back.”

“Well done.”

——If I’m going to be in a relationship, let it be with liking you as the only reason for it.

“Benedict, you know, I...”

That alone was good enough.

——If it’s not just for that, I don’t want it.

[whoisaditya]

A love letter to The Wombats

First, a brief background about The Wombats: The Wombats is an interesting English Indie Rock Band. They started back in 2003 in Liverpool, United Kingdom. The most interesting thing about them is how experimental they are with their albums — considering their vast range. One might think that The Wombats don’t care about what you and I think. They care about their art and what that represents. This is what makes them free to do whatever they want. Now, the album that I want to talk about is some of their earlier work. It was released back in 2007. Damn, that feels like an eternity ago. So let’s begin our journey.

The first track: Tales of Girls, Boys and Marsupials. For me, this track prepares you for what’s to come. It is a good melody and relatively simple. I’ve always enjoyed it because of how strange it is. From this, we move onto the second track.

Kill the Director. This is the song that brought me to the album, and for a long time, it was one of the most played songs for me on Spotify. When I think of this song, I think of the music video which you should watch. The song is different from the first track, and it is faster and has a lot of content. My favourite things are British pop culture references. The nods to Bridget Jones’s Diary and EastEnders make this a quintessentially British song.

Track 3: Moving to New York, this song has always been close to my heart because it is edgy. It tells us what the British think of American cities like New York. I have always had trouble understanding this song due to multiple reasons. Even right now while I’m reading the lyrics and thinking about what to write about them, I am confused. If you look at it literally, the song talks about sleeplessness and Christmas for some reason. Now, let me tell you what I feel about it. This has always been a song to which I headbang and do the air guitar. I never really understood the lyrics. I probably never will. Though, my favourite part has been these lines.

“I put one foot forward and ended up 30 yards back.

Am I losing touch, or am I just completely off the track?

And I don’t know why I want to voice this out loud.

It’s therapeutic somehow.”

Especially the line, “Am I losing touch or am I just completely off track”. Back when I first heard this song, the pandemic was at its peak. I was preparing for entrances, and life was a mess. I related to this, and I’m sure you guys will as well. This song will make you feel things and reconsider life as a whole.

Now, moving onto track 4, Lost in the Post. This is the most popular song on the album. The song sounds surprisingly happy, but when you pay attention, the lyrics are depressing. It is my kind of music because it tells us a story with a catchy chorus. The line that has stuck with me is “She Wanted Mary Poppins but I took her to King Lear”. It represents so much more than you and I can comprehend. It represents not being enough and a theme of overcompensation followed by under-compensation. Its a simple song but the Wombats have done a good job of packing it with references. It is a song about insecurities and love, the two things that are fundamental to any artist.

Track 5: Party in a Forest(Where’s Laura?). Laura, oh, Laura. I will never truly understand this song. Is it a love letter to Laura or is it a desperate man singing for a girl who will never love him back? Throughout the song, he keeps calling out to Laura, but there’s no response. By the end of it, it seems like he has almost given up. Maybe I’m just reading too much into music, or perhaps this boy is writing songs about a gender he doesn’t understand.

Track 6 is something most of us can relate to. Titled “Schools Uniform”, it is literally from the perspective of a teenage boy going through puberty. It is not the typical “Oh. I miss school” song, but maybe a more realistic approach to what school was. Those uniforms, which most of us claim to miss, perhaps made a joke of us. He sings about a girl he likes and who he used to be friends with, but now she has an older boyfriend. The most important thing about this song is how teens romanticise/think that smoking is cool. It’s the whole trope of doing something because someone else is doing it. After all, someone has deemed it cool. The song does an excellent job of talking about how teenagers try their best to fit in to get the validation they so desperately want. This is generally executed by doing things that most of the time is not good for them, and here ends track 6.

Moving on to track 7, the song I’m most excited to write about. Here Comes the Anxiety is the epitome of a cry for help. It is probably the most painful to listen to because it doesn’t even hide that it is sad. I have to give it credit for being honest about its message. In a messed up way, this taught me how to be honest about myself. The song starts by calling out what I think is all music where creators hide the real message behind catchy hooks and other techniques. The essence of the song is hypocritical; it has a catchy hook line(It is literally in the title). The song is just lying to you; it tries to sell an honest image, but it is not. Don’t get me wrong, it is a good song, but it is just like everything else. It is a dark song like it claims to be. It is a song about a lonely man who doesn’t want to be alone, and that’s about it for track 7.

Let’s Dance to Joy Division is one of my favourite songs. So, I have a sort of personal bias towards it. It is happy and real but also quite sad. The lines

“Everything is going wrong but we’re so happy” perfectly captures the essence of this kind of music. It is happy music, so don’t question it. You don’t need to be comfortable while listening to it, maybe sing along and pretend that your life isn’t going to shit. My interpretation of this song is, you shouldn’t question life while it is happening. If something has to go wrong, it probably will, so why even worry about it. Just be happy and maybe play this on a loop.

Track 9 is Backfire at the Disco. It describes a heterosexual first date. A guy gets ready at 8 pm, meets the girl and then gets slapped. The story is pretty straightforward. The guy makes a move at the wrong time. The girl slaps him in response and has to go back home alone at 3 am. What’s important to me isn’t the story but how it’s told. The song starts with how everything is fine and how it is all going okay. It sounds like the girl is in the wrong and that we should feel bad for the guy. The song gets pretty misogynistic when he calls her dress whorish. To give him some credit, he does admit his mistake by the end, but then it is too late, and the narrative has been set. This victimisation of the perpetrator is extremely harmful. It creates a story that men don’t know what to do and how it is an honest mistake. This message is toxic, and anyone listening to this should keep this in mind.

Little Miss Pipedream describes a toxic one-sided relationship. The song is comparatively slower-paced, where the stress is on the lyrics. The song expects us to feel sympathy for this man who is madly in love with this girl. The protagonist is portrayed as a friendly guy who is willing to wait for this girl. This man has selfish ideas of love, and he’s trying to convince the listeners to sympathise with him. These ideas are selfish because they are all based around him. Lyrics like, “Don’t leave miss pipedream cause I love you.” is an example of what is incorrect with this song. Pop culture has often romanticised these ideas and portrayed these men as heroes.

Track 11 is about a therapist named Dr Susan. It is clear that Dr Susan is treating and is prescribing him narcotics. He is infatuated with her and is willing to do anything for her. This is clearly some toxic behaviour. The singer keeps repeating “This Time” which means that he has done this before. The most concerning thing is “Help Me Help Help Me, Susan”. We can see a theme where he asks for help but no one gives it to him and there ends track 11.

Track 12 is about loving a woman who doesn’t want to be loved. The singer has fallen in love with a stripper and is willing to do anything to be with her. His behaviour indicates that he has lost track of reality. In his head, his actions are part of a grander love story but it is psychotic behaviour. This is ironic cause the last song was about a therapist. He clearly knows what he is doing is wrong but he still continues to do so. This entire song does a good job of showing a messed up, toxic relationship between a desperate man and a stripper.

The story of Track 13 is set at the wedding of the protagonist’s ex-girlfriend. It does something unusual by portraying alcoholic tendencies at a wedding. The lyrics make it clear that he still has some feelings for his ex-girlfriend. I don’t know where the blame lies on this one because of the conflicting narratives. The repetition of the line, “She’s not that beautiful” shows us his hatred towards the bride and how our emotions are more complex than they seem. One would assume that after all this time he wouldn’t resent his old partner but he does. This is because humans are complicated and irrational and there’s nothing we can do about it. This also shows how when we are with someone everything seems romantic but when they leave we criticise all their actions. To conclude, the song is quite entertaining and definitely worth listening to.

If you have read this until now and not skimmed as most people will, you must be thinking that all these songs sound somewhat similar. It’s a simple boy loves girl plot which is portrayed in multiple different settings. Before I started writing this, I thought that I would have something unique to write about each song, but I don’t. As I moved on from track to track, I realised that most of these are about the same thing. Does this mean the songs are not great? No, of course not, they are amazing. Each track is unique and has a storyline, the music is good, and that’s why people enjoy it. Music is subjective, and at the end of the day, my opinion means jackshit. Yeah, enjoy the music; I hope what I wrote made you think and introspect about the music you listen to.

[daisy--sorbet]

heyyy, hope you’re having a good night!! if you have the energy and feel okay answering, what’s up w taz graduation? i haven’t checked it out yet but i was thinking ab it. just asking bc you’re the first person i saw talk ab the show having serious issues, but also feel free to not answer this!! hope you have a good week!

i took a nice hot bath, had a strawberry kiwi capri-sun, and did a nice face mask and i’m feeling pretty good - so, y’know what anon? let’s talk about it. 

for anyone who likes taz grad who sees this post: it’ll be tagged with “taz grad hate” (although i feel hate is definitely a very strong word - it’s for the simplicity of tagging it) - so please block the tag if you don’t want to see this post (especially because i put a readmore on a post before and it didn’t show up on mobile and instead gave the full post). mobile tumblr has a tag blocking system, so please feel free to use it! i don’t mind haha

anyway, so this is... probably going to be a lost post, and i wanna go ahead and preface it: this absolutely isn’t any hate on the mcelroys themselves. i love the brothers and their dad a lot, and while i doubt any of them would ever see this (or have it sent to them, or shown to them, because im pretty sure they try to distance themselves from this sort of thing), i just want to make it clear that criticizing a product is different than bashing a person. which brings me to the point of if i do end up sounding as if im bashing someone - please call me out on it! it’s not my intention to target anyone.

with that said, let’s talk about this campaign.

so my problems are as thus: the railroading, the shipping (a fandom problem, but it’s present in the podcast), the NPCs, and some misc problems others have addressed better than i have.

which. i know. that’s basically the entire podcast. (i promise i’ll bring up some positive points to balance it all out). keep in mind i’ve only personally listened to... what, six episodes? and it was enough for me to drop it. some people dropped it first ep, some dropped it ep four, and others are still forcing themselves to listen.

the railroading

there was a time i could handle travis and his railroading [making sure the story goes exactly the way he has planned], because it was the very beginning of the podcast and that’s what you can kind of expect from a plot-heavy podcast. hell, i wouldn’t mind it if the interactions and goofs weren’t a huge part of why i listen to TAZ in particular (which, by the way, is why amnesty still stuck out to me - even if there was a direction griffin wanted to push them towards, the interactions between the players (or players and npcs) made up for any railroading). it’s kind of hard to not railroad a little when it’s story-heavy and you’re trying to built up a world that you’ve put a lot of thought into. however, a huge part of d&d is the spontaneity. 

it’s kind of why i think balance was so popular. while there was railroading towards the end, there was the presence of improv that made it all good. most mcelroy content is enjoyed because of the goofs. the magic brian moment is memorable. the jenkin’s fight still stands out because it was funny (albeit a result of some bad rolls). the boys teasing angus sticks out because the four would play well off of each other. even without that - griffin had talked about how he had to roll with things (the fact he had planned for a fight atop the train, but ditched the idea for what his family members came up with instead). even in amnesty, a couple moments that stick out to me still are ned with the jetpack taking out a pizza hut sign, and the scene with the water where jake was trapped inside. they aren’t as fun, but they still stand out as “things i didnt expect to really end the way they did.”

with grad, it’s just. one after another. the thundermen want to subpoena a xorn? cool, let’s run with that until actually the xorn gets fed rocks and goes home and who cares about the subpoena now. fitzroy wants to keep his cloak? lets talk about it for a while and you also get no rolls to even try to keep it. fitzroy goes to meet higglemas in his office? oh, why are you here fitzroy? im going to keep asking you until you answer fitzroy? you arent getting out of this scene until you answer me, fitzroy, so just tell me why you’re here already, alright, fitzroy? 

and even later in a episode i read a transcript of: hey argo, remember how you have this whole secret motivation? fuck you, im gonna talk about it here in your dream and reveal it to listeners and remove any tension you had building up, and you dont get a choice to talk about it because this all-knowing villain knows all about it :)

and even NOW in the latest episode, there’s a comment that “we should cap argo’s skills here” instead of just... making the checks higher. rogues are good at certain things and usually arent the best in battles. better hope argo never makes it to level 11, because who knows how people are gonna handle the fact that he gets a skill that’ll make it so certain skills can’t have a roll below 10 (reliable talent). 

(griffin, thankfully, calls travis out for that, but still - travis, why would you even imply that, considering you should be aware of how rogues work considering magnus multiclassed into rogue and you played one on tiny heist?)

and in the newest episode, their Big Bad chaos (which, god, i personally hate that name) straight-out says “dont do this” to the thundermen. travis tries to say, on twitter, “a character saying “dont do this” is different than me saying it” but i need to point out that it’s one thing if you’ve said “no” in character but worked with the PCs doing otherwise, but the railroading says differently.

the shipping

ill try to make this quick, because it’s nothing to do with the fandom (ship however you want, man) - but i really feel the need to draw attention to this.

fitzroy, as confirmed by griffin in a ttazz episode, is asexual. not aroace, but ace nonetheless. and i find it... troublesome that the idea of rainer and fitzroy having a relationship is still pushed nonetheless, despite the fact that fitzroy (to my knowledge) was never once shown to reciprocate any feelings. not to be that person, but i really hope that grad doesnt have any sort of romantic relationships in it (at least - not between NPCs and PCs unless they’re actually like... warranted?). 

i dont know, man. one of my closest friends is ace, and i know she wants a relationship, but i think it would reassure her a lot to see an ace character who isn’t pushed into one in case she ever changes her mind. someone once mentioned that they hope fi/tz/ra/in doesnt happen because theres relationships that have that “oh, you can just date” and it goes upwards there to “oh, you can have sex just to please them <3″  (which, to be honest, is kind of a gross mindset - if someone isnt interested, they arent interested).

also, uh, the TTAZZ where griffin states this, there’s kind of the mention tht the whole sexuality question was posed in relation to the episode “creative thinking” (the dream one i mentioned earlier) - which. uh. i don’t know if anyone caught this, but... rainer straight-up wrote fitzroy a letter in the dream like “are you going to accept my proposal? a girl doesn’t like to be left waiting” which. leaves me with some gross feelings because uh.

if... if the whole thing about fitzroys sexual orientation was addressed here, then why would you push your ship anyway? feels kinda iffy, man.

to which i want to say: fitzroy can date. he’s allowed to date. griffins allowed to do whatever he wants with his character. but when a lot of the flirting is met with nothing, i’m not gonna see the chemistry there. just because travis ships it doesn’t mean it’s canon.

the npcs

ah yes. lets talk about the npcs.

there’s... a lot. a lot a lot. i think travis trimmed down how many were present in a scene, but uh. there’s still a lot. and... uh... i kinda wish there wasn’t?

look, i know im going back to balance/amnesty, but just. hang in there for a moment. chill with me. vibe. 

balance didnt have too many NPCs present at all times in each mini-arc. gerblins had some big names like barry, klarg, gundren, killian, yeemick, and magic brian. rockport limited had angus, jess, graham the juicy wizard jenkins, and all of the tom bodetts mentioned. 

amnestys first arc had mama, barclay, jake, dani, pigeon, kirby, minerva, and that was about it for like. big names? and not all of them were present in each scene. 

in the first episode of grad alone: gary, hernandez, jimson, rolandus, zana, rhodes, buckminster eden, rainer, leon, tomas, hieronymous, higglemas, stuart, jackle, bartholomeus, mulligan, groundsy, germaine/victoria/rattles (the skeleton crew). and those are the ones i wrote down (minus groundsy, who i just. ignores. idk him).

like holy shit, my english prof got onto me for having too many characters in my first chapter and i didnt even have half the amount listed there! 

it’s just a huge cast. does this take place in a school? yes! theres bound to be a lot of students present - but you don’t have to name every single one of them, at least not in the first episode!

the miscellaneous

i don’t know if travis ever actually addressed it, but wheelchair users have actually like... said that rainer’s introduction bothered them, because she was like “please ask me abt my wheelchair :)” when travis saying she was in an ornate chair would have sufficed. 

uh. the colonization vibes people have discussed within the centaur arc. mentioned here, the replies here, and this post (and its replies) here as well.

the overall lack of d&d when the campaign was kind of advertised as a return to d&d if i remember correctly

also no one seems to be taking literally any criticism at all which like. ignoring the petty shit, sure, but people have stopped donating to taz and their listener-ship must have dropped some during this entire time - you’d think that maybe someone could say “we need to find out why people dont like the thing and fix the thing” consider this is. yknow. their livelihood.

anyway uhhh 

tl;dr: travis railroads way too much (even now), the shipping in-game has become pushy and gross (especially bc its shoving a relationship onto an asexual character), theres too many npcs that dont stand out well enough, and no ones taking any criticism about the major issues with grad. 

[notthefilmreview]

Falling in love with Aster Flores in 1hr and 45m (aka watching THE HALF OF IT)

Hi, it’s Dana and today I’m going to be reviewing THE HALF OF IT!

I am so excited; I have been waiting for this movie since the trailer first came out weeks ago so it’s safe to say that my expectations are high and I truly hope that this will be rememorable. 

I also did a reaction to the trailer of THE HALF OF IT so if you haven’t seen that the link is here.

I think that’s all I really have to say so read on to see my reaction to THE HALF OF IT...

This is just a lovely way to start a movie and I have noticed that a lot of movies do that. I personally really like the simplicity of adding a meaningful quote at the beginning of a movie (especially if it’s actually corely related, not just added for the sake of adding it) because it gives it that book-like, nostalgic feeling.

In the first few seconds of the movie we already have that idea of soulmates explained in some really creative animation and lovely narration. What I’m thinking is that obviously alluding to that connection between Aster and Ellie being almost soulmate-like.

And here we have Ellie who is scientific and rational and doesn’t believe in soulmates. Oh, she is going to find that everything she has once believed in is going to be proved so so wrong once she meets Aster and I just can’t wait!!!!

Ellie’s mum. We don’t know what has happened to her yet. Is she dead? Has she left? Is she missing? Was there an accident? But what we do know is that she is the reason why Ellie has closed herself off from other people and believes that love is irrational and meaningless. Therefore, for Ellie to truly accept her feelings for Aster she’ll have to face her mum and I am not ready for this; this is going to most likely be such an emotional part of the movie and I will definitely be crying my eyes out as I attempt to write up this review.

Also, Ellie has a lot of checklists and I feel that vibe because that is pretty much my whole entire life.

Mr Flores? As in Astra Flores?

I think the music teacher might be Aster’s dad and I feel like that’s going to relate in someway. I don’t *exactly* know how - yet - but I will ponder on it throughout the review.

So Aster is also in her dad’s class and she has such a beautiful voice, seriously, listen to it; she sounds like an actual angel and she makes it look so effortless. I understand why everyone likes her so much because even I want to marry her!

I think that Ellie has a crush on her even before she meets her in the corridor and that’s quite cool considering that the trailer made it look as though she gained a love at first sight crush on her (which she obviously doesn’t believe in).

Ellie’s philosophy teacher, who is quite close to her, knows about her essay writing business but never actually turns her in. This was a question I had during my trailer review because I was wondering how none of the teachers have noticed (or they were all just blind).

Another question about the essay business I had was how she manages to get away with writing around the same essays for everyone. However, it turns out that Ellie writes different essays for everyone and that is just amazing.

Also, Ellie was talking about leaving or staying for university so I think that’s also going to be a big thing. I hope that she ends up leaving at the end for her own sake.

Wow, okay, was it just me or did you feel that sexual tension too?

Because that just took my breath away and just made me love Aster even more. I didn’t even know that I could love her more but just watching her talk to Ellie was so beautiful and I just love her. Wow.

She’s so smart and so knowledgable about everything. I just want her to talk to me for hours and hours about anything that comes to her mind.

Aster also has known Ellie for some time which was a surprise because from the trailer I thought that they only met there for the first time. Hmmmm...maybe Aster also has feelings for Ellie????

I’m sensing a theme. Almost feels like a philosophy essay on love...maybe.

Everyone seems to be hanging out in the church which is quite different, I guess.

Aw, Aster is insecure about being at the peak of popularity and she’s being extremely honest about this to someone she’s only just met. This really shows that even through Ellie’s writing, Aster can tell that the person who’s writing this is genuine and someone she can trust to open up to.

(Also, she should drop her friends and find other people who don’t try to boost their own ego by bringing you down to their level. You are above them. Aster! They are nothing like you, honey!)

But her boyfriend’s quite funny and cute (in like a puppy kind of way). I know we’re meant to not like him because he’s getting in the way of Aster and Ellie but if they just break up I feel like he’ll just be a bit of a cool guy. I love how he has taco time with his girlfriend because that’s just too cute (and also makes me quite hungry).

This.

This.

Oh my, this is just beautiful.

They created art together from a bunch of lines that just so happened to get together.

Wow.

They are goals.

...this, on the other hand, is anything but.

I feel so bad for Aster being letter-fished (y’know, like catfished?) like that. She just wants someone who understands her at that deep sort of level; someone she can talk to about philosophy and art and literature; she needs Ellie (or me because I love books, abstract art, and philosophy too - hit me up, Aster!)

Omg, guys, is Aster Flores my soulmate?

She laughs at horror films! I laugh at horror films! I have seriously never met anyone else who’s crazy enough to laugh at horror films apart from Aster and I am astonished.

Why is she perfect in every way for me?????

However, I do find it extremely creepy how they’re basically stalking Aster and learning everything about her, writing every detail on whiteboards, windows, and notebooks.

I just love the contrast between Paul’s energetic, lively, and chaotic family contrasting with Ellie’s small and quiet home atmosphere.

What’s a taco sausage? A taco with sausage pieces? A hotdog but with a taco shell instead of a bun? A taco shell in the shape of a sausage?

It turns out that Ellie’s mum died when she was quite young.

Paul ends up finding out about Ellie’s crush on Aster quite early on. Actually, everything in this movie happens quite early on which I like because it just gets to the point of the plot without beating around the bush, constantly keeping the audience on their toes. I just love this movie so much.

What I also love is how Paul doesn’t go “you’re gay????” with all those question marks. It’s just normalised without questioning the gender of who she loves; just the person. Paul is actually just a cinammon roll at heart and he does deserve to find love but not with Aster (and I hope he learns that).

I’d probably eat that.

Hmmmm I’m thinking that this might be a bit of foreshadowing for the ending. I predict that Ellie leaves Squahamish and as the train is leaving, Aster (or maybe even Paul because I can’t see Aster running after trains) runs after her to say goodbye.

Hearing them eat those taco sausages has actually made me quite hungry.

Awwwwwww look at this boy; he is too cute to handle; he deserves so much love.

Ellie’s song - oh my. Can you just imagine her having a duet with Aster singing this song? And the fact that everyone claps is just beautiful.

Just no. Please, no. Please, stop, you’re only hurting yourself here. She has a name, please use it.

Also, Ellie’s sudden popularity??? Drunk Ellie??? Protective Paul??? 

Their friendship is everything that is needed in the world.

Okay, so if I thought that the corridor seen had sexual tension well...this...is on a whole other level.

Aster is conflicted between her destiny to marry Trig and how understood she feels when “Paul” writes to her.

Also I am here for the bromance between Ellie’s dad and Paul.

THIS. SHOT. IS. EVERYTHING.

It sort of reminds me of the lake scene in After - except better.

(Btw, this was kind of their first date. Right?)

Ummm...okay...WHAT DID I JUST WATCH?

WTF PAUL?

Paul, oh my, are you okay? Paul, honey, you were a cinammon roll. I cared about you, Paul. I believed that you deserved to find love when you finally realise you’re just not right for Aster.

Paul, I know that you’re not the brightest bulb in the shop but - this is not what I meant. This is not how I wanted conflict to arise.

This movie was going so well having this PLATONIC friendship that is sweet, caring, and supportive.

Paul, you’ve ruined it.

But, you know what the most annoying part is??? It’s the fact that I know at the end of this movie him and Ellie are probably going to make up and they’re going to brush that near kiss off as Paul being cofused or something and everything will be happy.

Usually, I enjoy watching something that I did not expect and the movie has been delivering that so far - including this. This, on the other hand, I did not like. 

What kind of signals are you getting, Paul????

I seriously just want to know what’s going through this guys mind when he asks Ellie “You don’t want me to kiss you?” because she has seriously shown no signs of wanting to kiss him. Not gonna lie, Paul, but I think Ellie would rather make out with a bottle of Yakult than you!

I don’t know, I feel like that just ruined this movie for me. Going into this movie I knew that there will be something that causes a rift in their friendship but I thought this movie was better than using that over-used plot of platonic friendship turning into something more (or something like that, anyone ever watched Naomi and Eli’s No Kiss List? Well that’s what I’m sort of talking about).

There’s about 25 minutes left in the movie so I guess we’ll get through it (I just hope that somehow Paul redeems himself because even Trig seems more of an appealing character now).

Wait.

I swear we established this way at the beginning of the movie.

I’m so confused.

Wow, too far Paul.

I seriously take back every nice thing I said about you earlier being accepting, lovely, caring, and all that because this scene has just ruined him for me. I can’t believe they’re kind of making Paul the antagonist!!!! He had so much potential and they just did that.

There is just no way he’s redeeming himself at the end. I wouldn’t make friends with him again after this.

I really just want to fight him at this point; he just needs to go away; I’m not happy at all.

Why is the only good guy in this movie Ellie’s dad? Seriously, there is not a single good guy and that just makes me so annoyed.

I can confirm.

I feel so bad for Aster, seeing the one person who she thought understood her (Paul) try to kiss Ellie.

And you don’t either Paul. 

I’m pretty sure Ellie’s dad understands her a lot more than you could any day so don’t go around thinking that you really know her because if you did then you wouldn’t have said what you said.

AND THIS IS THE REASON WHY YOU ARE A QUEEN ASTER FLORES!

Paul got what he deserved and I had to replay that soooo many times just to get that satisfaction.

(Personally, I think that Aster should have slapped Paul and then kissed Ellie amongst all the triggered homophobes).

This shot is just beautiful. They know they’re both heading in different paths, with Ellie deciding to go to Grinnell and Aster going to art school and this might just be their last chance to get things right between them.

Are we seeing this???

THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANTED FROM THIS MOVIE!

Even though they’re not ending up together their is that agreement that they like each other and they might even wait for each other after university.

That was just the best goodbye ever. I am so proud of Ellie’s confidence growth.

Ew, no, not you again.

I thought we were done with this guy after he got slapped.

Why can’t it be Ellie’s dad wishing her a farewell???

I can’t believe she just forgives him after he told her she’s basically going to go to Hell and we don’t even see him say sorry to her. I just hate how we were made to love him and...

Oh he’s running after the train oh my, I hate this so much. 

Alright, this running and this goodbye would have been cute if all that stuff before didn’t happen - but it did. And no matter how much I try I can’t see Paul the same way no matter how much he attempts to make it up to Ellie.

Paul doesn’t deserve her tears.

(say it with me kids)

The most annoying thing is the fact that this was meant to be a friendship-centric story so I did expect that Aster and Ellie wouldn’t be the main focus but they just ruined the friendship and attempted to restore it in the last 25 minutes through Paul’s speech at church. This wasn’t a friendship story and Paul wasn’t a good friend. 

Paul, in the first half was a good friend (the best) and had so much potential. Paul, in the second half destroyed first half Paul and replaced him with his evil homophobic twin brother.

Lol maybe that’s why they call it THE HALF OF IT!

At this point, I don’t even have anything to say except for the fact that I am very much disappointed in Paul’s storyline and what Netflix thinks is a “platonic friendship between a guy and a girl” (or a friendship in general).

As for Aster and Ellie, they got the ending I partially expected with Ellie deciding to leave Squahamish for university and them going their separate ways after that brilliant kiss (there are no words to describe the thick sexual tension between these two people).

Aster in general is just an amazing person who deserves to rule the world and I hate how she had to go through that letter-fishing but the upside is that she has time to figure herself out and what she wants in life at art school without fake friends and Trig holding her back.

I’m happy that Ellie gets to leave Squahamish but I feel sorry that her dad has to hang out with Paul the homophobe back home (I hope his taco sausage business fails and I’m not even sorry).

Anyway, that was a bit of a disappointment but if I just the almost kiss part out of my mind then it’ll be less traumatic.

What did you think of the movie? Good? Bad? Still angry with Paul? Tell me in the comment! Bye!

[taehyungsgrowl]

SFW Alphabet for Nate

I think I did it wrong last time bc I was waiting for people to send me letters when I was just supposed to go down the list. But I’m a dummy so disregard half of what I say.

i hope you guys like them and thank you virgo anon for the input w these 🥺i love our baby 🥺

Here we go:

A- Activity (What is their favorite activity to do with you.)

-- i think he likes doing new things w you. and i know that sounds cliche BUT hear me out. duncan is a bit of a home body 🥺loves to be curled up w reader sharing kissies and cuddling. nate enjoys that too but i think trying new adventures w you is his favorite. i can see him being the type to like hiking dates!! (also lets not forget the tik tok videos you guys make together )

B- Beginnings (How do they act in the beginning of a relationship)

-- considering the beginning did start off as something kinda casual between him and reader, he kept it as such. but he’s such a natural charmer that even when he’s not trying, he just comes across as super sweet. they’d finish hooking up and he’d offer her to stay over or get them food (not bc he felt like he needed to but it’s just the kinda guy he is) i think he probably let his goofy side out right at the beginning as well. its what helped y/n open up to him and feel at ease w him 🥺

C- Communication (Are they good communicators? How do they normally talk about their problems or solve issues)

-- big sigh. nate? was the KING of communication!! hell! he was able to talk to duncan (who ISNT the best at communicating) when they weren’t even friends and helped him talk to dumb!reader. plus he’d always been open about his feelings. told y/n right away when he knew he was in love. (i only say he WAS bc he should have told y/n he was struggling before he ended up in the hospital 🥺)

D- Drunk (What are they like when they’re drunk)

-- koala bear cuddly drunk!! not just between him and reader! but he will love on anyone! (omg.. you know dunc was a little 😳when drunk!bro!nate started hugging him... hiding his face in duncs neck... telling he smells good... telling him how much he loves him... bros 👯‍♂️)

E- Emergency (How are they in emergency situations? You get hurt, they get hurt, someone is dying etc..)

— oh god. nate is the type to keep cool and collected in an emergency - even if he were the one having an emergency 🥺 like if reader would’ve been w him during his car accident, she would have been worried sick over him and he’d just be like, “hey, look at me. i’m okay, yeah? a lot stronger than i look, babe.” even if it hurt like hell because he doesn’t wanna worry her. if you were in an emergency or got hurt, he’d go into sexy doctor mode. “tell me where it hurts.” squeezing your hand to reassure you, “i got you.” also kissies where it hurts 🥺 and he’s such a good listener too wow we have no choice but to simp.

F- Free Spot (I’ll give you any headcanon I come up with)

-- i’m just gonna share one head canon that virgo anon tossed at me that really made me 🥺 baby nate 🥺 and how when he was younger he was always a nice boy 🥺 but wasnt the popular or “hot” one until he grew into himself in college 🥺 when he got maxie and it helped him manage his stress enough to be able to make connections 🥺y’all when she said that it made me heart 🥺 my sweet boy

G- Gifts (What kind of gifts do they give? What kind of gifts do they get?)

-- i think his gifts are rarely “over the top” but !! they’re simple and personalized!!! like a lil necklace w his initials / name 🥺or maybe he has someone make a picture of you two into an animation? like have someone draw you guys (do u know what im talking about?) as far as gifts for him, he enjoys like “interactive gifts” like sending him on a lil scavenger hunt (nate loves setting them up for you too 🥺) but if you set one up for HIM? god! he’d love you!

H- Hugs (How do they show affection/cuddle)

-- nate loves! loves! to give forehead kissies (not just because he’s tall fjhsjh) and being hugged (or picked up) in his strong arms!! loves it!! he loves being the big spoon 🥺i love him. 

I- Irritation (What is something that irritates them? How do they show their irritation?)

-- that reader continues to choose duncan over him fkjsvsfkv he wears his heart on his sleeve so i think when nate is upset or irritated... you know. 

J- Jackpot (How would they spend their winnings if they won the lottery?)

-- does nate have more $ than the shepherds? debatable. but he isn’t as... flashy w his money as duncan is. he’s a little more down to earth if that makes sense. BUT thats besides the point. he’d probably donate a lot to a charity of his choice than take you on a little get away. maybe a cross country road trip 🥺 or off to an island getaway. he’s flexible. 

K- Kryptonite (What is their ultimate weakness?)

-- virgo anon made me 🥺when we were talking about this bc nate would do anything for the people he loves and 🥺that gets him hurt. especially when he feels like those people dont love him in the way he does them 🥺

L- Laughter (What makes them laugh?)

-- clown!! nate is the guy that always keeps you laughing 🥺and most times he cant even contain his own laughter omg i will cry im in love with one man

M- Morning ( How do they wake up in the morning? Are they a morning person or a morning grouch?)

-- he’s a morning person 🥺 likes to start off his morning with a run and protein shake SMH fitness KING. 

N- Needy (When do they feel particularly needy? How do they show it?)

-- he’s so used to being the one who’s needed 🥺 it takes him a while to be comfy being vulnerable and needy. idk if there’s anything in particular that sets him off to be like this - but i’d like to think it happens at random. like youre on the couch and he just nuzzles his face on your tummy for you to pet his hair. he demonstrates it by wanting to be close to you 🥺

O- Oasis (Where is their happy place? Where would they go if they didn’t have anything holding them back?)

-- i think he’d be the kinda guy that enjoys the sun (not just bc he looks hot, shirtless on a beach) but yes. somewhere nice and sunny where he could have maxie w him 🥺if he could stay on the beach where he started falling for dumb!reader (with her) for ever he would 🥺

P- Pain (How do they handle pain? How do they handle when you are in pain?)

-- emotional or physical? jfgksjdgsdk but no i think if he’s well regulated, he can handle pain well - it’s when he’s not that it’s a problem (w emotional pain) he stops taking care of himself the way he should and really spirals into his head a lot you know 🥺i think he can handle others being in pain better than himself bc he loves a lot and its easier to focus his attention on trying to fix things for them (like we said his biggest weakness is doing too much for those he loves)

Q- Quote (What’s a quote that fits them and your relationship)

-- “loving is easy” fjskfsf not to be too corny but 🥺being w nate was easy... always on the same page.. and made her feel good. 🥺

R- Reunion (How do they celebrate seeing you after a long time of being apart)

-- lots!!! of kissies!! picking you up!! holding you close!!! physical touch is pretty high on his love language list i think 🥺(i think quality time or acts of service might be his top two though) 

S- Stress (What stresses them out? How do deal with stress and how do they relieve it?)

-- i generally think duncan is more of a control freak than nate, but i do think to some extent, they’re similar that when things feel out of their control, it really stresses them out. i think it manifests at different times. i think for duncan its more trivial things whereas w nate, if he feels like he could be doing something to “fix” something and he cant do anything it freaks him out. hes a healer, you know. i think working out is a big stress reliever for him 🥺my strong baby!! that and goofing off w reader 🥺

T- Terror (What are they afraid of?)

-- this kinda ties into his weakness (and could be amplified by his younger years) but he’s afraid of not really being enough for those he loves. especially if he was teased as a kid 🥺maybe thats why in a lot of his nightmares the theme of abandonment appears a lot 🥺i made myself SAD 🥺

U- Unique (What is a quirk that is unique to them?)

-- i asked virgo anon for help on this one 🥺and i love her so much 🥺 nate tugs on his hair when he’s nervous 🥺 he gets a lil annoyed after he buzzes it off and doesnt have much to pull on 🥺he likes to hold hands when spooning. loves to sing along to disney movies (but lets be honest, he’s the real prince KING)

V- Violence (Do they fight a lot? Are they a good fighter? What is their fighting style?)

-- well... idk if it’s fair to say he fights a lot because he tries not to resort to that - especially grad school nate. mostly because he knows he’s good at fighting. omfg... boxer!nate.... may have all my rights. and he doesn’t really wanna hurt anyone. BUT if needed!!! he will throw down. (ex. when dunc wouldnt let y/n leave the house. and then attacked him!! nate had to stand his ground 😌

W- Wow (What do you do that really surprises them? What do you do that they really like?)

-- idk i think nate was probably really surprised when reader gave him that second chance at friendship in the bathroom 🥺didnt think she would. on a lighter note, surprising him w fresh cooked meals always make him 🥺because... he’s trying but hasnt mastered the cooking thing yet.

X- (Explicit headcanon. For all you degenerates)

-- he’s uhh packing 😳and it hits all the right spots, you know 😳omfg and lets not forget the dickscussion we had about his head game being stronger than duncans 😌

Y- Yucky (Is there something that grosses them out so badly that they can’t deal with it?)

-- i wasnt sure what really grossed out medical professionals (if anything djsfs) but we kinda head canon for him to be into family / pediatric medicine so anything w LOTS of blood loss probably freaks him out 

Z- ZZZ’s (What are their sleeping habits? Both with and without you)

-- my baby. nate has really bad night terrors especially on bad(tm) days. it usually helps to have someone w him to be able to keep him calm when he wakes up 🥺if its not y/n you can bet maxie will be there for tons of kissies. he’s a sleep talker 🥺and when sleeping w you he loves being big spoon 🥺and when he’s alone, he kinda sleeps curled up and w a lot of pillows. comfort KING