#whump genre research
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
callaei-researches · 1 month ago
Text
Updated links to whump research
Hello! It seems like the links I'd shared for my whump research are no longer working. I know my university had some issue with having the research projects online (which doesn't seem to be yet resolved), and it seems like the research has disappeared from Academia.edu also.
I'll update the previous posts so that they've got a working link! In the meantime, I've made the research available via Google Drive:
Sociocultural identifies within the whump community (Undergraduate research project)
Intercultural and cross-linguistic perspectives on whump interest (Master's research thesis)
84 notes · View notes
ssa-dado · 2 months ago
Text
21 - Physics
Aaron Hotchner x fem!bau!reader Genre: fluff, slight angst, whump Summary: Aaron Hotchner navigates the chaos of a teammate’s tragedy, personal struggles, and unresolved emotions toward you, with fate as his only constant. Past and present blur, coincidences and camaraderie intertwining as if tied by a red string. A case hits too close to home for everyone, forcing him to confront buried fears while managing the fallout as Unit Chief. But as events unfold, he realizes that nothing - neither relationships nor outcomes - ends quite the way he had foreseen. Warnings: violence, trauma, mentions of what happens in 3x09 & 3x11, use of alchool, some cuss words here and there, Hotch being a lot in his head, mentions of the fact you and Hotch fucked once, whoops. HOTCH SMITTEN LIKE A FOOOOL Word Count: 20.5k Dado's Corner: Flustered and smitten Hotch are peak Hotch. Also, I’m proud of finally nailing down a phrase that perfectly sums up their dynamic: he overthinks, while you overtalk. Oh, and one more thing: I officially have a new favorite character now, hope you love her as well. This chapter is a bit of a wild ride. A bit of fan service and the fan is me.
masterlist
Tumblr media Tumblr media
In Stoic philosophy, physics (physikē) explores the nature of the universe, its structure, and the principles that govern it, providing the foundation for understanding humanity’s place within the cosmos.
For the Stoics, mastery of Physics was essential because it revealed the rational order (logos) underpinning all things, emphasizing the interconnectedness and inevitability of events.
The Stoics believed that fate (heimarmenē), the unbroken chain of cause and effect, binds all events in a web of necessity, with every occurrence unfolding as part of a rational, divine plan.
---
Sometimes, there’s just too much to do.
And honestly, sometimes, that feels like a blessing. A distraction.
Something to keep your mind from wandering back to the chaos of the past week. Not the mountain of paperwork waiting. Not the echoes of a case that clung to your thoughts. And especially not the emotional wreckage left behind.
No, you’d had a to-do list long enough to drown out anything else.
First, there had been guest lectures to prepare - because, God forbid, you gave up the career you’d built on your own before coming back to the BAU. That was yours and yours only, and you could never giving it up entirely.
Then, the FBI conference materials. A seminar on terrorism to finalize. Hours of research and fine-tuning to make sure it had been flawless, because that was the standard you’d set for yourself.
And let’s not forget the decade’s worth of solved cases you’d sifted through for examples to present. Because nothing screamed ‘productive’ quite like revisiting every horrifying thing you’d helped stop.
Then there was the apartment.
The apartment you still weren’t sure you wanted to call “home,” even though the rent you’d just paid suggested otherwise. Half of the boxes Aaron had helped you carry inside were still unopened, stacked against the walls.
And, of course, there was the team. The team that wouldn’t stop offering to help.
“We can chip in,” JJ had said.
“It’s no big deal,” Derek had insisted.
“Think of us as your moving dream team,” Penelope had declared, complete with jazz hands.
You had turned them all down. Firmly. Politely. And then less politely.
Aaron didn’t push, though.
He hadn’t insisted since your first no. He understood - probably better than anyone else - that you had to do this alone.
At least now you felt safe. For the first time in a year. And wasn’t that a luxury?
Another luxury? The fact that Hotch let you stay up late in the bullpen without questioning it too much. Not that he could afford to comment on your habits without opening the door to some pointed remarks about his own hypocrisy.
Because he stayed late, too.
Both of you. Night owls. Just like old times. Well, not exactly like old times.
Back then, you stayed late out of pride.
Who could solve the most cases? Who could earn the higher stats by the end of the quarter?
“I’m just saying,” Aaron had said one night in ’99, leaning against your desk with the kind of smugness that made you want to throw your stapler at him, “if I were you, I’d revise page ten of the case file. You clearly missed something.”
You, of course, had bristled. “Missed? I missed something?”
His reply was maddeningly neutral. “I’m just saying.”
You spent the next two hours poring over the file, only to realize, to your horror, that he was right. The unsub’s pattern was buried in the details you’d overlooked.
“Oh, you think you’re so clever,” you’d muttered as you shoved the solved case onto his desk.
“Not clever,” he’d replied with a faint smirk. “Efficient.”
Efficient? Well, now it was war.
What started as a casual rivalry quickly devolved into a full-blown competition. Nights in the office turned into marathons of who could close the most cases, complete with snarky comments and ridiculous one-upmanship.
“Did you just solve two cases in one night?” you’d asked incredulously one evening, staring at his smug face.
“Three, actually,” he’d corrected, leaning back in his chair like some kind of overachieving Greek god of profiling.
“Oh, it’s on,” you’d muttered, dragging another file off the pile and practically slamming it onto your desk.
By the end of the year, the two of you had obliterated every record the short-lived BAU had.
Even Gideon, who was famously difficult to impress, couldn’t believe it. He’d handed you a plastic trophy with the words ‘Most Productive Agents: 1999’ scrawled on it, muttering something about how he’d never seen anything so hideous.
“Let me remind you,” Gideon had said, handing over the trophy, “Rossi left the FBI before the end of the year. So, technically, you broke our streak by default.”
Neither of you cared. You’d still done it.
The trophy? Aaron had it proudly displayed in his office, perched next to his battered copy of Hegel for Dummies with a spine so broken it looked like it had been run over.
Yours? It was buried in one of those unopened boxes in your new apartment, its significance too bittersweet to face just yet.
Now, though, things were different.
The late nights weren’t about pride anymore.
They were about survival.
Aaron, in his office, scribbling away as if Haley’s forgiveness could be found at the bottom of yet another case report. You, in the bullpen, scratching out notes for your lectures with the same relentless drive - but this time, with the weight of a broken soul behind it.
Both of you would go home to spaces that felt more hollow than comforting.
Aaron’s was an empty house, caught in the eternal limbo of Haley’s indecision. Would she forgive him for being, in his words, a terrible husband and father? Or was he bracing for yet another blow in what felt like an endless cycle of disappointment?
Yours wasn’t much better. An apartment that didn’t feel like yours. Foreign surroundings that refused to settle into something familiar. Which was strange. For years, you’d thrived on not knowing where you were.
Changing countries more often than you changed your phone plan, living out of suitcases, hopping between temporary homes without so much as a second thought.
So why now? Why did this emptiness sting in a way it never had before?
“Maybe I’m getting soft,” you muttered under your breath, scribbling a note so aggressively you nearly tore the paper.
“Talking to yourself already?” Hotch’s voice carried down from the mezzanine, his tone calm but laced with just enough amusement to catch your attention. He stood leaning casually against the railing, looking down over your desk, which happened to be situated directly beneath him.
“Wouldn’t have to if you came out of your cave every once in a while” you shot back, not looking up.
There was a long pause before he answered. “Fair enough.”
But even as you bantered, you knew the truth: this wasn’t about the apartment.
It was about everything you’d tried to suppress catching up to you all at once.
It was fear. Fear of what had happened. Of what might still happen. Of being alone.
You sighed, leaning back in your chair and staring at the ceiling. Admitting it to yourself felt like defeat but at least, it was the first step forward, wasn’t it?
“Everything okay?” his voice cut through your thoughts again, quieter this time.
“Fine,” you said, your voice sharper than intended.
There was a pause. Then he said softly “You’re allowed to say you’re not, you know.”
You glanced up toward him, and sighed. “So are you,” you said, the words slipping out before you could stop them.
The silence that followed was deafening.
Then, as if fate had synchronized your thoughts, both of you said it at the same time. “I’m not.”
You blinked, looking at him, unsure whether to laugh or crumble under the sheer awkwardness of it. He seemed just as taken aback, standing there with that signature furrow of his brow, like he couldn’t quite believe he’d said it out loud.
“Well,” he said finally “that’s one way to break the tension.”
It felt strange - refreshing, maybe - to hear it spoken aloud. Even though you’d known, deep down, that neither of you was okay, sometimes you just needed to hear the words.
To have it acknowledged. Somehow, knowing he felt the same made it just a little easier to carry.
You nodded toward the stack of papers on your desk, eager to redirect the moment before it got too raw. “Well, since we’re both in the mood for honesty, I’ve got something for you.”
He tilted his head slightly, now moving down the stairs and crossing the bullpen toward you. “You always know how to make the best gifts,” he said, a touch of dry humor lacing his tone.
“Oh, this one’s a real treat,” you said, sliding the folder toward him.
Aaron opened it, skimming the first page, and raised an eyebrow. “Case summaries. You shouldn’t have.”
“You’re welcome,” you replied with a wink.
He chuckled lightly, closing the folder. “I’ll review them and file them in the system immediately. Truly, a gift worth cherishing.”
“Or,” you countered, leaning back in your chair, “they could wait until tomorrow morning.”
His brow lifted, probably not convinced of your ungodly offer. “And you think I’d waste your hard work like that?!”
“No,” you said, shrugging. “I think they could be the very first thing you file tomorrow morning. None of my efforts wasted, and you get to go home.”
You could tell he considered it for a moment, even if he kept his gaze steady on yours. “You make a compelling argument.” He said in mock formality.
“I know,” you said, smirking slightly.
He glanced back at the folder, then at you, and sighed. “Alright,” he said finally. “Tomorrow morning.”
“Good choice,” you said, your voice softer now, the teasing edge gone.
Hotch leaned slightly against your desk, holding the folder in one hand. “That applies to you too, you know. Whatever you’re working on… it can wait until 8 AM tomorrow.”
You opened your mouth to respond, barely managing to say “Alri-” before the sharp ring of his phone cut through the air.
His expression shifted instantly.
That composed, slightly softer look he’d had moments before hardened into something sharper - focused, intense. You recognized it immediately, the way his jaw tightened and his posture straightened. Something was wrong.
“Hotchner,” he answered, his voice low. The sudden shift in his tone made the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end.
You didn’t need to hear the other side of the conversation to know it was serious. The single word he barked into the phone - “Where?” - told you everything.
You shot out of your chair, your heart already racing, and rushed toward his office. By the time he hung up, you were there, pulling his coat from the rack and holding it out to him. His eyes met yours as he moved toward you, his pace quicker than you ever remembered.
“What happened?” you asked handing him his coat, though you had a sinking feeling you didn’t want to hear the answer.
He didn’t even hesitate.
His eyes locked on yours, and in that split second, you saw everything you needed to know.
“Garcia got shot,” he said.
---
“What do we know?” Rossi asked as he walked into the hospital waiting room, headed straight for him.
“Police think it was a botched robbery,” he replied, his voice clipped, with a tense jaw.
Emily, looked toward you, her eyes wide and disbelieving, the shock still fresh. “Where’s Morgan?” she asked, her tone edged with worry.
You shook your head. “He’s not answering his phone.”
Hotch could sense the strain beneath your calm exterior, the cracks starting to show despite how hard you were trying to hold it together.
Why were you doing that? He was there for that reason.
Spencer didn’t even pause. He turned away immediately, his usual hesitance replaced only by urgency. “I’ll call him again,” he said over his shoulder, already pulling out his phone as he strode toward the corner of the room.
Out of the corner of his eye, Hotch saw Rossi move closer, when he spoke, his voice was low, only meant for him. “What aren’t you saying?”
He didn’t look at Rossi right away, his eyes fixed on some indeterminate point across the room. Finally, he spoke, his voice quieter than before, almost a whisper. “I spoke to one of the paramedics who brought her in. It doesn’t look good.”
And so, all you could do was wait.
Time moved strangely there, in this place of fluorescent lights and antiseptic smells, where the hum of machinery and the distant shuffle of footsteps filled the silence.
Seven FBI agents in a room.
But the titles didn’t matter there. Because each of you felt completely useless.
There were minutes of restless movements, of silent prayers, of thoughts no one dared to voice aloud. Some paced the hallway, unable to sit still, as if walking could somehow outrun the helplessness threatening to suffocate them. Others fidgeted, their hands twisting and folding into patterns born of nervous energy.
But eventually, you all stilled.
Emily and JJ sat down together. Emily’s hand found JJ’s, gripping it firmly, as if she could siphon away some of her fear, absorb the weight of it into herself.
Across from them, Spencer perched on the edge of a chair, his arms crossed tightly, his right hand rubbing absentmindedly up and down his left side in a motion that felt almost protective, almost desperate.
Rossi stood apart from the rest of you, his back turned, his figure outlined by the stark light of the hallway. He held a gold bracelet in his hands, the same one he always carried, his fingers moving over it in a rhythm that suggested it was as much for grounding as it was for comfort.
And then there was you.
You sat to Spencer’s right, your brow furrowed, your breaths slow but audible. Your eyes moved rapidly, scanning nothing and everything all at once. He could tell you were buried deep in your thoughts, lost in the labyrinth of your mind.
He wanted to know what you were thinking - wanted to reach into the chaos and pull you out.
He couldn’t, that thing he knew.
Probably, you were still sifting through philosophies, trying to find the right citation to cling to, the one that would hold you steady. Something wise and comforting, something that would tell you this wouldn’t end in tragedy.
And him?
He stood still, his arms crossed, his expression unreadable. He knew he had to keep it together - for all of you, for himself.
He stood so close to your left that he could feel your knee brushing the fabric of his pants every so often, a touch so faint it barely registered but still managed to tether him.
He observed his team, each of you unraveling in their own quiet way, while he avoided, at all costs, the thought clawing at the back of his mind.
The thought of living this again - he knew what it felt like, this helplessness. He remembered it too well.
Back when it was you lying on an operating table, under needles and lights, fighting to come back to him. That same sense of uselessness had consumed him then, and now it was here again, circling like a vulture.
But his mind, cruel as it so often was, always found new ways to torture him.
It conjured new voices, fresh what-ifs, flashes of memories he didn’t want, tethering him to the fear that churned relentlessly in his chest. None of it was helpful. None of it worth listening to more than once.
And yet, amidst the noise, it was something small that healed him now.
Your touch.
Your knee pressed fully against the side of his leg, a quiet, grounding gesture that pulled him from the spiral before it could drag him any deeper.
He glanced down at you instinctively, and when your gaze met his, it was steady, knowing, and impossibly calm.
It wasn’t extravagant - there was no dramatic gesture, no soft-spoken reassurance. Just a nod.
A simple acknowledgment, because you knew.
You knew he needed to hold it together. As Unit Chief. As the leader. As the anchor in this storm of uncertainty.
And yet, in that single nod, in the quiet understanding etched into your expression, you told him something else, too: if it were just the two of you, you’d let go.
Together.
If you could, you’d be wrapped in each other’s arms, sinking into one of those uncomfortable chairs, your head resting on his shoulder, his leaning gently against yours.
Just like you had in his living room that one night when everything else had fallen apart.
That memory burned in his mind, as vivid as if it had happened moments ago. The way you had leaned into him, your hand brushing against his chest, anchoring him in a way he hadn’t known he needed.
He’d been thinking about it for weeks, replaying it over and over, striving for it without even realizing.
Your touch had burned itself into his memory. It was solace, it was safety, it was the only thing that made the world make sense when nothing else did.
And then, without warning, the moment broke. None of you moved first - you didn’t have to. Derek’s hurried steps into the waiting room shattered the fragile quiet.
“She’s been in surgery a couple hours,” JJ said softly, her voice almost hesitant, as though saying it aloud made it worse.
“I was in church,” Derek responded, his voice tight, his eyes darting to Hotch. “My phone was off.”
Spencer spoke up, his voice quiet but insistent, trying to reassure Derek, but Hotch’s gaze softened as it drifted to him, the tension in his team mate's expression contrasting starkly with the rigid lines of his suit.
He barely noticed your shoulder brushing against his arm - because apparently, personal space was just a suggestion with you - but he didn’t mind.
If anything, the contact softened the edges of his thoughts, kept him tethered to the present.
Then, the door opened, and a doctor stepped in. “Penelope Garcia?” he asked.
Hotch stepped forward immediately. “Yes.”
“The bullet went in her chest and ricocheted into her abdomen. She lost a lot of blood. It was touch and go for a while,” The doctor’s tone was clinical, detached, but the words carried the weight of everything they’d been dreading. “But we were able to repair the injuries.”
Aaron felt his breath hitch.
“So, what are you saying?” JJ asked, her voice strained.
The doctor hesitated for a moment before continuing. “One centimeter over and it would have torn right through her heart. Instead, she could actually walk out of here in a couple of days, and I’d say that’s a minor miracle.”
The words barely registered, muffled under the synchronized exhale of relief from everyone in the room, including him.
His chest rose and fell heavily, the tension still coiling so tightly in his body that he had to bite his lip to stop himself from letting it all spill out.
He couldn’t cry. Not here. Not now.
“She needs her rest. You can see her in the morning,” the doctor said before being immediately thanked and leaving the room.
Hotch straightened, forcing his composure back into place. He had to focus. He had to do what needed to be done.
“David and I will go to the scene,” he said, the words leaving his mouth almost automatically. “I think the rest of you should be here when she wakes up.”
Your brow arched slightly, the corners of your lips twitching upward for just a moment.
“I don’t care about protocol,” he added firmly, his tone leaving no room for argument. “I don’t care whether we’re working this officially or not. We don’t touch any new cases until we find out who did this.”
Because when the family is involved, the law can go to hell.
You gave him another nod, this one filled with something more - pride, maybe.
---
But the consequences of his choices - of that particular decision, of every decision since - were harder to ignore.
It had started as something small, almost imperceptible. The kind of shift you only notice when looking back, piecing together the moments that led to now.
You spoke to him less on the job.
Maybe it had begun after Penelope was shot. Maybe it was even earlier than that - after that argument in the car the day Rossi rejoined the team.
It wasn’t as though he hadn’t noticed. He’d thought about it more times than he cared to admit, replaying conversations and briefings in his head, trying to pinpoint the exact moment it changed.
Still, whatever the catalyst, it was there - distance.
You were more careful now, more reserved.
The way you hesitated before voicing disagreements during case discussions, when you used to challenge him so freely, so instinctively.
The way your once-abstract musings - philosophical detours that most of the times used to drive him to the brink of frustration - were almost entirely gone. He rarely heard them from you anymore.
It was Reid now, who would bring up some concept or theory, his voice filling the space that used to be yours.
And Hotch would sit there, listening, waiting - hoping, even - for your voice to cut in, to weave those extra threads of detail, to challenge or expand the discussion in that way that had always been so uniquely you. But it never came.
Your language had shifted, too.
Gone were the sweeping truths and nuanced arguments that once made every discussion with you feel like a labyrinth. Now you were grounded, concrete.
Practical. Logical... ironic, really.
The very thing that sometimes frustrated him - the way you could lose yourself in abstraction, dissecting every nuance as if it held the key to the universe, even when a case demanded quick action - was the same thing that made you indispensable to his being… to work.
Indispensable to work.
It was why the two of you had been able to crack so many cases together - at work.
The confrontation was what made it work.
Necessary. Vital.
His logic sharpening your abstractions, your ideas loosening the rigidity of his structures. Because both of you wanted to be right.
And in that pursuit, you always found the balance - in the balance, you caught killers. In the balance, you saved lives. Different truths, coexisting.
But now? Now, he found himself paying more attention to the details that had slipped through the cracks.
You’d stopped calling him “Partner”.
It wasn’t the word itself that mattered. It was what it signified. How for a brief amount of time it had even become a running joke, how you’d introduce him to people as “my partner,” and how they’d inevitably misunderstand, assuming you were together.
Maybe it was the way you talked about him. Maybe it was the way he looked at you... back then.
Anyways, it was gone. Because now, on the job, you only called him "Unit Chief".
Clinical. Precise. A title that left no room for interpretation. Best friends outside of work; your superior within it.
But he missed the ambiguity.
He missed the way you’d once spoken to him on the job like he wasn’t just your colleague, or your boss. Like he was someone you trusted - completely.
And maybe that was what stung the most. That sense of trust between you, once so natural, now felt… guarded.
He wanted to fix it, but how could he, without crossing some invisible line?
Because pairing himself with you on a case would have been the easiest solution, but he’d never allow himself that.
He never did. He couldn’t. To do so would feel selfish, like he was abusing his authority to serve his own ends… even that thought alone made his stomach churn.
So, instead, he paired you with Reid for geographical profiles or with Rossi in the field, keeping you at a polite, professional distance, telling himself it was better this way.
Telling himself it didn’t matter that you barely spoke to him unless you had to. Telling himself that your sudden carefulness wasn’t personal.
And yet, outside the job, it was a completely different story.
You two had grown closer - seeking each other’s company in ways that felt almost inevitable.
You didn’t plan it, but somehow, you always ended up together. And considering how close you’d already been, it was startling, almost disorienting.
Your shared tragedies should have been the sole reason for it, forging something unshakable, but this… this was different. It was more intimate, more vulnerable.
It felt more… familiar, though with what exactly?
Maybe it was the way you always seemed to gravitate toward each other, how his phone would buzz with a text from you - asking if he had time to grab dinner or if he could help you pick out furniture for your new apartment.
“Don’t worry,” you’d said that morning, flashing him a grin that instantly made him suspicious. “I just need your muscles, not your opinion. Unless you want to tell me I’m wasting money.”
He raised an eyebrow, following you into the store like a man marching to his doom. “You brought me for labor but not to stop you from making bad decisions?”
“Exactly,” you replied, already strolling ahead like you owned the place. “And don’t worry - it’ll take a couple of hours at most.”
He stopped dead in his tracks, letting out a disbelieving laugh. “A couple of hours? Wars have been declared, fought, and peace treaties signed faster than it takes to shop for furniture.”
“What, you think I’m indecisive?” you shot back, turning to face him.
“I know you are,” he replied, his tone flat. “And meticulous, which doesn’t exactly speed things up.”
“Just trust me, Aaron,” you said, your grin widening in a way that felt more like a warning.
Indeed, it didn’t take a couple of hours. It took the entire day.
And by the time you got back to your apartment, he was certain he’d pulled at least three muscles he didn’t even know he had.
“Next time,” Aaron said, panting slightly as he set the box down with a loud thud. “I’m bringing a forklift. Or an entire moving crew.”
“Next time?” you asked innocently, a playful smirk tugging at your lips. “You’re already signing up for next time?! That’s so thoughtful, Aaron. Wow, you’re such a friend.”
“You’re lucky I have patience,” he muttered, glaring at the box like it had personally wronged him.
“Patience?” you laughed, crossing your arms. “You were ready to snap at that poor woman asking about the extended warranties!”
“That’s because she asked me six times,” he snapped, the memory still fresh.
“Well,” you said, grinning as you grabbed a water bottle from the counter and handed it to him, “now that torture is over, I think you deserve your prize. I have some office gossip for you.”
Aaron scoffed, took a sip from the bottle and crouched down to unbox the bookshelf. “I don’t care about your office gossip,” he said, his tone betraying none of the interest that actually was bubbling inside of him.
“...You don’t have to stay and build this, you know,” you offered, watching him carefully slide the first plank out of the box. “I’ve already dragged you into enough.”
“I’m staying,” he replied, glancing at you briefly. “I want to help.” Then, after a beat, he added, “So, what were you saying?”
You raised an eyebrow at him, making him regret what he just said. “Oh, so you do want to know?”
“You were going to tell me anyway,” he replied, pretending to be slightly annoyed.
“Well, now I’m not so sure,” you teased, plopping down next to him.
Then it happened.
Your hand reached for the instruction manual at the exact same moment as his, and your fingers brushed briefly. He froze, just for a second.
It wasn’t anything dramatic. No jolt of electricity, no world-tilting moment. Just… a touch.
Ordinary. Mundane.
And yet his brain, apparently bored of rationality, decided to hit pause.
You didn’t even seem to notice, already flipping open the pages of the manual like it was nothing – because it was. Meanwhile, he forced himself back into motion, his hand retreating too quickly as he muttered, “Sorry.”
“For what? Existing?” you quipped, glancing at him with a smirk that teetered on the edge of infuriating. “It’s fine, Aaron. Don’t worry, no need to be so polite.”
Polite. Yes, that’s what he was. Polite.
Not distracted. Not caught off guard. Certainly not anything else.
“It’s not a habit I plan to break,” he replied, his tone as steady as he could manage, focusing intently on pulling out the next piece of wood.
He just needed his personal space. You were close, physically, and his brain had momentarily overreacted. That’s all it was. It wasn’t significant. It wasn’t anything.
“I always forget I’m friends with the Queen of England,” you said, deadpan.
He shot you a flat look, holding up a piece that vaguely resembled part of a shelf. “So - are you actually reading those instructions, or are you just turning pages for fun?”
You squinted at the manual. “I mean… how hard can it be to put a rectangle on top of some other rectangles?”
He gave you a long, unimpressed stare. “…I’ll take that as a no” As usual, you got lost in your thoughts, your half-finished sentences going nowhere - resulting in still no gossip for him.
Thankfully, Aaron was used to that by now.
“So,” he said pointedly, cutting through your ramble, “the gossip you were so desperate to tell me?”
“Right,” you began, leaning in slightly, “I think Garcia and Kevin Lynch are dating.”
Aaron glanced at you, his brow furrowing. “Based on what?”
“Oh, come on, you were the one who planted the seed in my brain!” you said, pointing an accusing finger at him. “You met him first and said they’d be perfect together.”
“I told you they’d get along,” he corrected, his voice calm. “Not that they’d date, it was an observation.”
“Right,” you teased, leaning toward him. “Because Mr. Rulebook doesn’t meddle in office relationships.”
“I don’t,” he replied flatly, though the precision with which he was aligning the screws suggested otherwise.
“But you’re not denying it,” you teased, as you handed him the missing screw to complete his geometrical composition.
He sighed, already regretting the conversation. “Fine. I might have… noticed some things.”
Your eyes widened dramatically. “You’ve been paying attention? To gossip?”
He shot you a look so dry it could’ve absorbed a flood. “Not gossip. I noticed she’s been flirting with Derek over the phone less often in the past couple of weeks.”
You stared at him, probably trying to decide whether to be impressed or amused. “Oh so you do keep track of Penelope’s flirting habits?!”
“It’s hard not to notice, when all of this happens less than five feet away from me” he replied, focusing a little too intently on tightening a bolt. “She used to call him ‘chocolate thunder’ at least twice a day. Now it’s barely once.”
You snorted, clapping a hand over your mouth.
“What? If you’re going to accuse me of gossip, I might as well be thorough.” He frowned, though the faintest smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth.
You burst out laughing, sitting back on your heels. “Oh my God, I knew it. You secretly love this.”
“I don’t love this,” he said firmly, though his tone lacked conviction.
“Sure you don’t,” You smirked, glancing at the instructions and pretending to read them, just enough to give the illusion that you were actually contributing in some meaningful way. “So, what’s your theory? Think they’re dating?”
He shook his head, clearly weighing his words. “If they’re not already, they’re on the verge. Kevin’s nervous around her, and she’s not exactly subtle.”
You grinned, leaning closer. “I knew it! Now admit it, Aaron. You like the drama.”
Aaron sighed, picking up a screwdriver and turning his attention back to the pile of screws, as if sheer focus might absolve him of this entire conversation. “I don’t like the drama,” he said flatly. “I like efficiency. And indulging you in this nonsense means I won’t have to hear about it in bits and pieces over the next week.” 
You gasped, clutching your chest with exaggerated offense. “Nonsense? This is workplace anthropology, Aaron. This is about human behavior, relationships, and the intricate web of connec-” 
“Gossip,” he interrupted dryly, cutting you off mid-monologue. 
You rolled your eyes, but your grin was unrelenting. “You are so reductive. This is about understanding the human condition! Philosophers have been debating the nuances of human relationships for centuries. Aristotle, Plato” 
He glanced up, giving you a look that bordered on skeptical. “If this is about Aristotle and Plato, I’m out of here.” 
“Oh, come on,” you said, nudging his arm. “You’ve read Hegel. You know this stuff!” 
Aaron straightened the piece of wood he was working on, his voice impossibly dry. “I’ve read ‘Hegel for Dummies.’ The most philosophical thing I got from that book was the idea that contradictions eventually balance out.” 
“Exactly!” you said, pointing at him. “Which is why gossip is just the dialectic in action - thesis, antithesis, synthesis. We’re observing interpersonal contradictions and resolving them through discourse. Hegel would be proud.”
“Hegel would ask for his name to be removed from this conversation,” he replied, his tone bone-dry.  
“That’s not true!” you said, laughing. “This is exactly his philosophy. I know him.”
“He’s dead,” Aaron replied.
You froze, your hand hovering over a plank as your face morphed into an expression of exaggerated shock.
“Don’t tell me you’re going to cry because I reminded you he’s been dead for 200 years,” he added, the corners of his lips twitching despite his best efforts to stay serious.
“You’re heartless,” you said, glaring at him dramatically. “I’m grieving, and you’re mocking me.”
“You’re grieving a man you never met,” he pointed out, turning the screwdriver.
“Well, I’m sure we would have been friends,” you said, tilting your chin defiantly. “He would see me for who I truly am. A philosopher. A visionary.”
Aaron snorted quietly, shaking his head. “He’d last five minutes before walking out of the room.”
“Wrong,” you shot back. “He’d last five minutes before asking me to co-author his next book.”
He glanced at you, his expression unreadable. “It’s a shame you weren’t born two centuries earlier. You’d have spared him from obscurity.”
“Yes!” you exclaimed, pointing at him. “Thank you. See, this is why you’re my best friend.”
Aaron stilled, glancing at you briefly before returning his focus to the plank in his hand. “Because I humor your philosophical ramblings?”
“Because your dry humor is just a cover for the fact that you secretly love my ramblings. And I’d say you also agree with some of them.” You corrected, leaning in slightly.
He tightened a bolt, refusing to look up. “You’ve cracked the code. My life’s work of masking my enthusiasm has been undone by your unshakable confidence.”
“You’re so sarcastic,” you replied, grinning. “But seriously, Aaron. You’re the best.”
Before he could respond, you slid your arm around his shoulders in a quick side hug, leaning your head briefly against the curve of his neck.
It was nothing, really, again, just a fleeting gesture, casual. And that’s exactly why it felt so strange. So different.
He stilled, not visibly - at least he hoped not.
It wasn’t like those rare hugs of yours, the ones that seemed to stretch on for hours. This was just a fraction of a second, over before it even began, and yet it lingered, leaving behind a sour taste of wanting.
Maybe that was why it unsettled him. Your relationship didn’t rely on physical contact, it never had. Mostly because he wasn’t the type to invite it. Not intentionally. It just always felt too… intimate. Too exposing. It wasn’t that he didn’t like it - it was just… too much.
Too raw. Too close.
But you didn’t seem to mind. You always knew how to adjust, to make things work between you without pushing too hard or pulling too far.
And still, now once again you pulled back like it was nothing, grinning as though the moment hadn’t shifted anything at all.
That’s what got to him, he realized. The ease with which you could offer something like that and let it go, as though it didn’t mean anything. He envied it.
Jealousy, he thought, was too strong a word. Or maybe it wasn’t.
“But I’ll never be Hegel,” he said finally, his tone dry, laced with irony as he reached for the next piece of wood.
You blinked at him, tilting your head like he’d just said something utterly ridiculous. “Aaron Hotchner,” you began, your tone a mix of exasperation and fondness, “you’re better than Hegel.”
He glanced at you briefly, his expression somewhere between skeptical and resigned. “Oh please don’t you start.”
“I mean it,” you insisted, sitting up straighter, your grin turning softer. “He might’ve been a genius, but you’re… well, you’re you. Thoughtful. Smart. Kind. You’re my best friend, and I wouldn’t trade you for any dead philosopher.”
As much as he tried to act like he was above it, like he didn’t need the reassurance, he couldn’t deny how heartwarming it was to hear those kinds of words. Cheesy as they were. Deep down, he was a sentimental man, after all.
And so he sighed, but the small smile tugging at his lips probably betrayed him. “Could you please just hand me the next piece before this takes another century?”
“Anything for you, Queen of England,” you teased, passing him the next piece with an exaggerated flourish.
He gave you a look, the kind that said he was both exasperated and quietly amused. “Thank you,” he said, his voice dry but undeniably softer.
“Anytime, Your Majesty,” you replied, grinning as you reached back for the instruction manual. “Now, what’s next? Philosophical insights on brackets?”
“Just read the instructions.” He had just aligned another plank and was reaching for a screw when the sharp knock at the door interrupted the quiet rhythm of assembling furniture.
He froze, mid-motion, and then glanced at you. “That’s Mrs. Lee,” he muttered, already resigned.
Of course, it was Mrs. Lee.
She lived across the hall and seemed to have an uncanny ability to sense whenever he was over. In her late seventies, retired, widowed, and far too invested in both your lives, she had made it her unofficial mission to drop in with sweets every time Aaron was around.
Coincidentally, these sweets only ever appeared when he happened to stay over, as though he were the primary recipient and you were just a necessary middleman.
Well, it wasn’t exactly true - she adored you - but it was clear where did her preference lay.
Mrs. Lee, as Aaron had come to learn, was an enthusiastic watcher of outdated rom-coms, a self-proclaimed expert on “young love” - a category she had prematurely placed you and him into - and an avid admirer of “handsome men in suits.”
Naturally, she adored him.
You, softhearted as ever, had figured out early on that Mrs. Lee was lonely. So you occasionally let her hang out in your living room. She’d settle onto your couch with her movies, chatting about her glory days while Aaron begrudgingly assembled whatever piece of furniture you’d roped him into.
It had become a tradition he hadn’t agreed to but couldn’t seem to escape. And so the knock came again, more insistent this time.
“You want to get that?” he asked, already knowing the answer.
You grinned, tossing the instruction manual aside. “Of course. It’s probably for you anyway.”
Aaron sighed as you opened the door, revealing Mrs. Lee in all of her five-foot glory, holding some freshly baked pie.
“Hi, sweetheart,” came the familiar greeting, warm and affectionate as always. Then her eyes landed on Aaron, and her grin widened to near cartoonish proportions. “Oh, Aaron! I knew you’d be here.”
He glanced up briefly, bracing himself. “Good evening, Mrs. Lee.”
“I brought some blueberry pie,” she announced proudly, stepping inside and placing it on your counter. “I know how much you like blueberries, Aaron.”
He blinked, momentarily thrown. “How do you-”
“Oh, you just strike me as someone with good taste,” she interrupted as she made herself comfortable on your couch.
You turned to him, barely concealing your grin. “I think she’d be a great profiler.”
He agreed.
“Mrs. Lee, if only we weren’t already overstaffed, I’d hire you right away,” Aaron replied, his polite tone perfectly measured.
“Oh, Aaron dear,” Mrs. Lee cooed, waving her hand as though batting away a compliment, “you’re so kind. But I could never work at a job with a boss as handsome as you. I’d be far too distracted just watching you talk.”
Aaron froze, his face turning a shade of red that rivaled the t-shirt he was wearing.
“How do you work with him every day, sweetheart?” Mrs. Lee asked you, her tone conspiratorial.
You laughed, leaning back. “Oh, it’s easy. I just remind myself that under the suits, he’s really just a big softie.”
Aaron shot you a pointed look, his voice deadpan. “Not helping.”
Mrs. Lee giggled as she made herself comfortable on the couch, clearly entertained. “So, what’s today’s project?”
“Bookshelf,” you replied, gesturing toward the pile of wood and screws scattered across the floor.
Aaron frowned at the chaos. If it could even be called a bookshelf, it certainly didn’t look like one yet.
“It’s a bookshelf,” you insisted, catching the look he was giving it. “It’ll look better once you stop glaring at it and we actually continue working on it.”
“You’ll forgive me for not being optimistic,” Aaron muttered, crouching down to inspect the mess.
Mrs. Lee immediately chimed in, turning to you. “Oh, don’t listen to him, sweetheart,” she said, waving you off. “I’m sure it’ll be beautiful once it’s done. You two always make such a good team.”
Aaron sighed, already resigned to the commentary. “We’re not a team. I’m the one building this thing while she-”
“Supervises,” you interrupted brightly, leaning over to grab a stray screw. “You’re muscles and I’m brain, don’t forget about it.”
Mrs. Lee clapped her hands together in delight. “Oh, it’s just like my Charles and me! I’d dream up all sorts of projects, and he’d grumble the whole time but do them anyway. That’s how you know it’s love.”
Aaron froze mid-turn of his screwdriver, he glanced up. “We’re friends, Mrs. Lee,” he said firmly, keeping his voice as even as possible, though the comparison to her late husband didn’t exactly sit comfortably.
Mrs. Lee just laughed. “Oh, shoosh, Aaron, really, you’re exactly like my Charles,” she said, her tone fond but pointed. “Too serious, too practical. All logic. He was a lawyer, you know.”
Lawyer. Ha.
Weird how the coincidences had a way of piling up like bricks whenever Mrs. Lee was around.
Before he could deflect, you jumped in, far too quick for his liking. “Well, that must be fate! Mrs. Lee, did I ever mention that Aaron used to be a prosecutor before he joined the FBI?”
Her gasp was so loud it startled him. For a moment, Aaron thought she might drop her pie.
“A prosecutor? You?” she exclaimed, clasping her hands together as though she’d just unearthed some life-altering revelation. “Oh, Aaron, that is just too perfect. And I bet you were ruthless in the courtroom, weren’t you?”
Aaron opened his mouth to respond, but the words barely made it out. “Mrs. Lee, I-”
“Don’t be modest, dear,” she interrupted, brandishing her fork like it was a judge’s gavel. “I can just picture it - some poor defense attorney sweating buckets while you paced the courtroom like a lion on the hunt” She paused dramatically, then added an actual ‘rawr’ for emphasis, because apparently, the imagery wasn’t enough. “My, my, my. You must’ve been a sight to behold.”
Aaron rubbed the back of his neck, wishing desperately for the bookshelf to magically assemble itself so he could escape the conversation.
“You should’ve told me this sooner!” Mrs. Lee continued, turning to you as if you’d kept some scandalous secret from her. “I bet all those courtroom skills come in handy now, don’t they? You must be able to intimidate anyone with just one look.” She squinted the best she could, doing what Aaron assumed was her impression of his so-called “serious face”.
You laughed, nudging him playfully with your elbow. “She’s not wrong, you know. The Hotch Stare has probably solved more cases than our actual profiles.”
Aaron turned to you, leveling you with the exact look you were referring to - but the effect was slightly ruined by the warmth creeping up his neck, spreading to his cheeks. He could feel it, much to his dismay, and he looked away quickly, clearing his throat.
“The bookshelf,” he said dryly, but the flush in his face betrayed him entirely, and he knew it. Damn it.
You bit your lip, trying - and failing - to suppress a grin. “You’re blushing,” you pointed out.
“Oh, don’t tease him too much,” Mrs. Lee said, her grin widening as she leaned forward. “He’s probably shy. Aren’t you, Aaron?”
He didn’t need to look in a mirror to know the flush had deepened. Great. Now he was even redder. Wonderful.
“Extremely,” he replied deadpan, tightening the bolt in front of him with more focus than necessary, trying to ground himself in the mechanics of the bookshelf rather than the conversation swirling around him.
You couldn’t help but laugh at his failed attempt to use sarcasm. “Don’t worry,” you said with a smile that was far too fond for his peace of mind. “It's actually very cute when you blush.”
Aaron froze. No, no, no.
That was not something he was prepared to handle. He was already red, that much he knew - but now? Now, he could feel it spreading like wildfire.
He cleared his throat, his fingers tightening around the screwdriver with more force than necessary. “I don’t think that’s the kind of feedback the instruction manual had in mind,” he said dryly, though his voice wavered just enough to betray him.
You laughed again, soft and warm, and it only made things worse.
“Oh, come on,” you teased, leaning forward just slightly, your grin far too mischievous for his peace of mind. “You can’t possibly hate a compliment that much.”
“I don’t hate it,” he countered quickly, almost too quickly, still refusing to meet your eyes. “I just don’t think it’s relevant to… this.” He gestured vaguely at the bookshelf, hoping the movement would divert some of the attention away from his face.
He never thought he’d see the day when he’d be genuinely grateful for Mrs. Lee to launch into another one of her stories, but here he was. Apparently, miracles did happen. She’d managed to cut through your conversation, sparing him from further embarrassment.
“You two remind me so much of me and my Charles,” she said, a nostalgic sigh punctuating her words. “We teased each other constantly too. Oh, he’d look at me with those serious eyes of his and say, ‘You’re impossible, Sharon.’ Every single time.”
Aaron glanced up, her voice the reminder that, no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise, his heart wasn’t made of stone. Far from it, in fact.
“And I’d tell him, ‘No, Charles, you’re boring,’” she added with a chuckle. “And oh, the arguments we’d have! But they were the best arguments, you know? The kind that keep you sharp. Keep you… alive.”
Mrs. Lee’s expression softened, her smile turning bittersweet. “We got married after four months of knowing each other,” she said, her voice quieter now. “Fifty-two years of marriage. It wasn’t always easy, but I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.  And I still miss him every single day.”
He was lucky enough to know what love felt like, but he could only hope to be as fortunate as her, to know what it felt like for a love like that to last even half as long.
He didn’t dare look at you. He already knew you’d give her that soft, understanding smile you always did.
“Some people are just meant to be, aren’t they?” you said, your voice quiet but carrying the kind of certainty that made it feel like a universal truth.
“Wise words, dear.” But then she grinned suddenly, the mischievous sparkle returning to her eyes. “Still, he was a pain in the ass sometimes. Wouldn’t let me watch ‘The Love Boat’ as much as I wanted. So, you know what? Fuck him.”
Aaron blinked, srprised. He caught the way your mouth twitched before you burst into laughter, and he shook his head, half-amused, half-incredulous.
“Mrs. Lee,” he said, his voice flat, though the corners of his mouth betrayed him.
As you handed him another piece of wood, Mrs. Lee leaned forward. “Speaking of love,” she began, her tone dangerously casual as she turned to you, “Sweetheart, don’t be shy about asking me to turn off my hearing aid tonight… you know, if the two of you need to unleash all that stress. Especially you Aaron, you need to loosen up.”
Aaron froze, screwdriver slipping slightly in his hand.
What?
Both of you blinked, eyes wide, before instinctively turning to each other to confirm if you’d just heard the same thing - or if it was some bizarre, shared hallucination. Then, in perfect sync, you turned back toward Mrs. Lee.
She was grinning, eyebrows raised expectantly, as if she’d just offered you an excellent tip on couponing and was waiting for your gratitude.
Oh, so she’s serious…
“Mrs. Lee,” you managed finally, your voice shaking with suppressed laughter, “what on earth makes you think we need to, um… ‘unleash’ anything?”
She raised an eyebrow, looking far too pleased with herself. “Oh, honey, I’ve been around. I notice things. It’s been a tough week for you at the BAU, hasn’t it? All those cases piling up. All that stress. I can see it.”
Aaron set down the screwdriver, his jaw tightening. “How do you even know what kind of week it’s been?”
Mrs. Lee sat back, crossing her arms like she’d been waiting for the question. “I know everything, dear. I have contacts.”
Aaron exchanged a look with you, utterly baffled. “Contacts?”
She nodded sagely, as if this were the most obvious thing in the world. “I play bridge with a lady from the FBI cleaning staff. Lovely woman. You know… we simply talk.”
He couldn’t exactly fire the entire cleaning staff over this… but, for a fleeting moment, the thought had crossed his mind. Maybe just reassignments.
Practical. Strategic. Manageable.
But then the mental image of the inevitable paperwork reared its ugly head, and his idyllic fantasy died a quick and unceremonious death.
He’d just have to endure this one bookshelf and hope Mrs. Lee didn’t decide to take up poker with the IT department next. The idea of Garcia and Mrs. Lee joining forces was enough to make him break out in a cold sweat.
Mrs. Lee twirled her fork between the two of you, her grin devious. “And I also know you’ve been pushing yourselves too hard with all those late nights. That’s why I’m saying… you should just do it. Trust me, it works wonders.”
Oh, he knew. He definitely knew. You’d both made that mistake once. But no - never again. Absolutely not.
“Mrs. Lee,” he said evenly, “I don’t think this conversation is appropriate.”
“Oh, Aaron, don’t be such a prude,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Just fuck and then you’ll thank me.”
Charles was right, she really was impossible.
He turned to you, half-expecting to see the same look of disbelief mirrored on your face.
But instead, what he got the moment your eyes met was worse - infinitely worse.
You laughed. A real, unfiltered laugh, bubbling up and spilling over as though the absurdity of everything had finally caught up to you.
The sound was so unexpected, so you, that he couldn’t help it. That was it. A chuckle escaped him before he could stop it, and then another.
God help him, he was laughing too. Unguarded. He could feel it, the exasperation, but also something almost electric, different.
That feeling. That lightness.
When was the last time he’d felt that?
---
1998.
Aaron Hotchner liked to think of himself as a rational man.
A man who could look a brutal truth in the face without flinching, who could hold himself together when the world around him was falling apart. He prided himself on composure, on logic, on not succumbing to the whims of emotion.
But apparently, all it took to unravel that carefully cultivated persona was you showing up in a miniskirt and lace tights.
Really? A miniskirt? This was what undid him?
Not an unsub with a gun, not the horrors of the job… no, it was a skirt that wasn’t even all that short.
It was the perfect length, actually - tasteful, stopping just above the knee, not too long, not too short. The kind of length that somehow drove him to the brink because it hinted at more without being too much.
Perfect.
Why was he even thinking about the length of your skirt?
He was a grown man with a law degree, a rising star at the BAU, and yet here he was, mentally cataloging the specific placement of a hemline like some Victorian prude scandalized by the sight of a woman’s ankle.
It wasn’t like he’d never seen legs before.
Everyone had legs. He’d seen hundreds of them. Thousands. He even had his own pair of legs, for God’s sake.
And yet, here he was, sitting across from you, hyper-fixating on the floral lace pattern winding up your tights - roses, specifically - and spiraling into thoughts so unholy that he half-considered ordering another drink just to drown his embarrassment.
It didn’t help that you’d picked a rose-scented perfume to complete the ensemble, as if you weren’t already doing enough damage.
Subtle but it hung in the air every time you shifted in your seat or leaned forward, wrapping itself around him like it was mocking his rapidly dwindling self-control.
Forget a taunt - this was an ambush, and he wasn’t sure he’d survive the assault without visibly combusting.
Fantastic. Death by roses. How poetic.
And as if the scent alone weren’t enough, his brain - traitorous thing that it was - kept linking it back to the roses on your tights.
It was as if fate had decided he wasn’t already pathetic enough, so it hit him with a one-two punch of matching visuals and aromas, because God forbid he forget for even a second where else he’d seen roses tonight.
Seriously? Did you want him to lose the last shred of dignity he had left? Of course not, you were oblivious to the chaos you’d wrought. Blissfully unaware.
And now he was mentally punching himself for being this ridiculous. He was better than this... he had to be.
So he told himself it was nothing. Just surprise, that’s all. He was simply adjusting to seeing you out of your usual loose-fitting work pants, a new variable.
Of course, that’s it. A new variable. Totally normal reaction.
And yet, despite all his internal lectures, he couldn’t stop his thoughts from spiraling every time his gaze drifted south, the delicate floral patterns climbing up your legs in a way that was almost cruelly mesmerizing.
And why was he even thinking the word “mesmerizing”? It was fabric. Just fabric.
He tried to justify it - he was just being thorough. After all, he was a trained investigator. Thoroughness was part of the job. He definitely wasn’t looking because the curve of your legs had rendered him incapable of rational thought.
He’d just wanted to make sure you still had both legs. That’s all.
Limbs accounted for, Agent, move on.
Except, of course, he couldn’t move on. Not technically. His brain had a knack for circling back to things - moments, words, details he should’ve let go of but couldn’t seem to shake.
This time, it was a few days ago. The way you’d casually invited him out tonight, as if it were nothing. Like it wasn’t a big deal. Like that’s just what friends do. Because, apparently, that’s what you were - friends.
Never mind that your so-called friendship was still in its embryonic stages. Never mind that you’d somehow managed to completely upend his world with one offhanded sentence.
“Mind joining me for a couple of drinks on Friday?” you’d said, so effortlessly it was almost infuriating.
Friday. Your day off.
The one day of the week you didn’t see each other.
You were asking to see him again on the only day you didn’t have to.
What were you doing to him?
Did it mean you actually wanted to spend time with him? Someone boring like him - not out of necessity, not because you were stuck at work or chasing down leads, but because you wanted to?
Why would you?
Why would someone as amazing, competent, smart, beautiful, and funny as you - someone who wore lace tights and a miniskirt on their Fridays off, and yes, Aaron, circling back to that again, apparently - want to spend time with him?
Bland. Broken. Overworked. With a sense of humor so dry even he didn’t fully understand it half the time.
And yet, before he could fully process what was happening, he’d agreed to your request... of course he had.
Because what was the alternative?
Spending yet another Friday night alone, replaying the worst parts of the week in his head?
Trying to convince himself that bad takeout and reruns of movies as old as you were somehow counted as "self-care"?
Going out with other colleagues and getting lost in the noise of too many conversations, only to utter a grand total of four sentences all night and come home feeling even worse?
Or…this. You.
Sitting across from him, lighting up the entire room with another absurdly entertaining story, because the universe had somehow decided you were its favorite magnet for chaos.
It wasn’t fair how easily you turned misfortune into something bordering on comedy gold, but he wasn’t complaining. He wasn’t even sure how you’d gotten here, exactly.
One moment, he’d managed to summon the courage to ask what you’d done on your day off - a monumental feat, as far as he was concerned - and the next, you were recounting it with the kind of unrestrained enthusiasm that could make a trip to the post office sound riveting.
Because, of course, you - a federal agent with an inexplicable knack for philosophical musings and a seemingly endless need to keep busy - had spent your day off at a flea market.
Except, as soon as you mentioned which market, his stomach dropped like a stone.
That place? That wasn’t a flea market - that was where good judgment went to die.
He’d made the mistake to even voice it out loud, so here it came. That spark in your eyes, the one that always appeared when you decided to mount your intellectual soapbox to prove him wrong. “Do you even know the history of that area?”
He blinked, halfway through lifting his glass, because no, he didn’t.
Maybe he did that to himself because straight up asking it wouldn’t make you raise your brows in such a disarming way when you voiced you facts.
And the words you used? Completely disarming. Most of them sounded like they’d been plucked straight from some forgotten 19th-century manuscript, one that had probably been touched by a handful of scholars and a few unlucky grad students. Words no one in casual conversation would ever use - except you.
Who even talked like that?
And, God, why was that so damn attractive?
It wasn’t like he was unfamiliar with big words - he was a lawyer by training, after all. He’d spent years with his nose buried in legal jargon and Latin phrases. He shouldn’t be so affected by vocabulary.
But what probably didn’t help was the fact that he was a history nerd. A big one.
He prided himself on knowing every obscure fact there was to know about Washington - dates, places, people. He could rattle them off in his sleep. And yet, you’d managed to pull out something he’d never heard before.
That was probably why now he was clinging to every word - because, naturally, you’d managed to hit his competitive streak, too... you just had to outdo him, didn’t you?!
He should say something to prove he wasn’t completely in the dark. Maybe casually mention that he used to collect coins as a kid.
But no. He wasn’t going to tell you that.
Not because it wasn’t true - it was, and he still did it sometimes, if he found one interesting enough - but because the second those words left his mouth, you’d know exactly what kind of loser he really was.
And what was worse? You’d probably tease him for it. Which, honestly, was the last thing he needed.
Or maybe the first. Hell, he didn’t know anymore.
“You’re really pulling out Reconstruction history to convince me it’s a flea market?” he said finally, lifting his glass to his lips in a poor attempt to hide the smile threatening to betray him.
“Yes,” you said simply, leaning back and crossing your arms with an air of victorious confidence. "Because it is a flea market. The absence of your knowledge does not negate its existence."
Aaron bit the inside of his cheek harder this time, half to keep from smiling and half to stop his brain from melting entirely.
God, you were insufferable. And brilliant. And - he really hated himself for thinking this - beautiful.
He could easily argue back.
He could tell you the truth - that the place you went to had devolved into anything but a market. That it was the kind of place he would’ve chased down suspects, not strolled through on a lazy afternoon.
But then you said the phrase “integral point of trade,” and Aaron swore he nearly choked on his drink. He busied himself taking another sip, just to avoid staring at you any longer.
He sighed softly, just enough to get you to glance at him. “What?” you asked, narrowing your eyes like you were daring him to say something contradictory.
Aaron shook his head, leaning an elbow against the table as he set down his glass. “Nothing,” he said smoothly, though the corner of his mouth betrayed him with a twitch. “I’m just impressed.”
Your brow furrowed slightly, clearly suspicious. “Impressed?”
“Mm-hmm.” He tilted his head, pretending to scrutinize you. "With how effortlessly you’ve managed to transform a casual conversation into a dissertation defense."
The look you gave him was preciously smug. “You’re just jealous you didn’t know any of this.”
Jealous? No… yes, kind of.
Bewildered? Yes.
Smitten?  Absolutely.
But Aaron - trained professional, seasoned profiler, master of keeping things close to his chest - only picked up his drink again, hiding behind its edge as he muttered, “Sure. We’ll go with that.”
He let you have this one.
You looked far too pleased with yourself, your lips curved just slightly, your chin lifted like a challenge. It was a rare thing to see you so smugly triumphant, and as much as he wanted to argue - to win - he couldn’t bring himself to ruin it.
You’d never know that, technically, you were the one who was wrong. And that was fine.
Because if you knew, you wouldn’t be rambling so happily about your day, weaving it together with that unrestrained enthusiasm that made every mundane detail sound like it was something crucial.
You were, in a word, adorable.
The kind of adorable that made him laugh - not the polite, carefully curated chuckle he usually offered, but a real, startled laugh that felt foreign in his chest, like dusting off an old, forgotten relic.
The kind of adorable that came with you talking with your entire body, hands darting through the air as though you were trying to physically sculpt the story from nothing.
And somehow, Aaron found himself hanging on every word.
Even when the plot made no sense. Even when the punchline was nowhere in sight.
Adorable. Absolutely maddening. But utterly, ridiculously adorable.
And God, he was so completely smitten with you it was almost embarassing.
“…and then, as if the day couldn’t get worse, this guy completely cuts me off at the table. Like, who does that? It was so rude!” you said, your hands gesturing wildly and accidentally knocking the edge of the salt shaker.
He caught it just before it toppled and set it back in its place.
Oh, how you talked.
If Aaron was someone who overthought everything, you were someone who overtalked.
It was a paradox, really. You knew more languages than anyone he’d ever met. You were a genius, with a vocabulary so vast it could send people running for dictionaries. And yet, somehow, synthesis wasn’t in your lexicon.
You could spend twenty minutes setting up a punchline for a story that should’ve taken two, and he never minded.
You were recounting your flea market disaster like it was the most thrilling adventure, and of course, you weren’t just telling him. No, that wouldn’t be enough for you. You had to make him see it, live it, feel it the way you had.
“Wait, Hotch, you’re not getting it,” you’d said, your tone urgent, like it was a matter of life and death. And then, without warning, you grabbed his hand.
His heart did something humiliating - a stutter, a skip, whatever it was, it made him feel ridiculous.
Like a teenager with a crush. Which, of course, he wasn’t. He was a grown man. A rational man. One who should’ve been able to handle something as simple as you taking his hand to demonstrate a story.
But no.
You pressed his hand flat against the table, arranging his fingers like they were vital props in your reenactment. “This is the table,” you said with all the seriousness in the world, completely oblivious to the fact that you’d just stolen another year of his life with that one touch.
Your hands were on his.
Aaron Hotchner: a sheep in his nursery school Christmas recital, Pirate Number Four in his high school production of The Pirates of Penzance, and now - a table. A progression so absurd it might have made him laugh if he weren’t so desperately trying to breathe.
Stay calm, Hotchner. It’s just a table.
He should have felt ridiculous. Sitting there, his hand splayed out, but instead, all he could think about was how hollow his hand would feel the second you let go.
You had no idea, of course.
Oblivious to the fact that his brain was screaming at him to pull it together while simultaneously begging you to never stop touching him.
“And this is me,” you said, gesturing to yourself with your free hand.
Still, all he could think about now was the warmth of your hand on his, the way your fingers fit so easily against his own.
It’s a table, Hotchner, again. Just a table. Don’t lose your mind over a damn table.
“And this - oh, wait, I need something-” you said, pulling your hand away to grab the salt shaker, and in that instant, you proved his theory correct: his hand felt utterly and painfully empty without yours.
The salt shaker landed beside his hand, completing your bizarre little scene. “This is him,” you declared, as if it all made perfect sense.
“Salt shaker guy. Got it,” he said, his voice steadier now that you weren’t touching him.
You shot him a look. “Don’t make fun of the salt shaker. He’s pivotal to the story.”
He almost laughed at himself, for sitting there like a lovesick fool, hanging on your every word and praying for an excuse for you to touch him again.
Put them back. Please, for the love of God, put them back.
And then, as if you’d heard his silent plea, you reached for his hand once more, rearranging it.
Perfectionist. Adorable perfectionist.
“So,” you said leaning closer, “I’m here, looking at this table, minding my own business, when this guy” - you gestured to the salt shaker - “just swoops in out of nowhere and starts taking things. Like blatantly stealing!”
You were still holding his hand, your thumb brushing against his as you were, recounting how the ‘suspect’ had made off with a brass dolphin statue, of all things.
“A dolphin,” he’d said, unable to keep the amusement from his voice.
“Yes, Hotch, a dolphin. It was hideous, and I needed it,” you said, narrowing your eyes at him like he was the one who’d stolen it.
“And then - get this - the guy starts knocking over everything. A lamp falls, hits the table, and it all comes down.” you said, grabbing his other hand. Both of his hands now in yours. He was gone. Absolutely gone.
You continued “So - what am I supposed to do?” You looked at him expectantly, clearly waiting for his answer. Because, naturally, that’s what questions are for.
He straightened up slightly, clearing his throat. “You called the police because you’re FBI and have no jurisdiction-”
“I arrested him,” you interjected with flair, as if this were the most logical and inevitable conclusion. “Citizens’ arrest, it was humiliating. There was a crowd. They were staring. I had no choice. Society would crumble if we let salt shakers like him run wild.”
Aaron shook his head, his lips twitching as he fought off a grin. “And what? You read him his rights?!”
You adorably groaned, burying your face in your hands. “Worse - I might have told him, ‘Sir, drop the dolphin.’”
That was it. He lost it.
His laugh erupted, loud and unrestrained, turning heads at the bar. A few strangers even chuckled along, unaware of the joke, but Aaron didn’t care. He couldn’t stop.
For a man who lived by control, it should have been unsettling - the way he couldn’t rein himself in, the way his body betrayed him with laughter that felt too big, too loud.
But it wasn’t, not with you.
Because you’d managed to do what no one else could: make him forget himself. Make him let go.
And so he did.
His mind drifted away, pulled by a current he couldn’t control.
Aaron blinked, the memory of your hands on his burning his skin like an old scar. For a moment, he was back there: you across the table, reenacting the chaotic events of a flea market fiasco with a salt shaker and his hands, the sound of your laughter ringing in his ears.
But then the world shifted.
The small table stretched, the edges elongating, growing wider and longer until it wasn’t just the two of you anymore. The air thickened, filled with louder sounds - voices, overlapping conversations, a cacophony of presence.
This wasn’t 1998 anymore.
Now, the long table was crowded.
JJ sat at one end of the long table, her hand lightly resting on a glass of water as she laughed at something Penelope had said, her cheeks slightly flushed.
Whatever they were talking about, Aaron couldn’t quite make out - though the dramatic hand flails and an occasional squeal from Penelope made it clear it was probably something absurd.
On the closer side of the table, however, the conversation was significantly… less wholesome.
Next to JJ, Emily leaned back in her chair, arms crossed, her face shifting between disgust and reluctant amusement, like she couldn’t quite decide whether to roll her eyes or encourage it.
Across from him, Derek grinned like a man who knew exactly what he was doing, his hands moving in exaggerated, circular motions that left no room for interpretation.
It was amazing, really.
When these two were this animated, it was either because they were dissecting some niche crime novel they’d both read or... this.
“And I’m telling you,” Derek declared, spreading his hands wide, “they were this big. Unreal, man. You’d have to see it to believe it - the biggest pair of - ”
“Boobs, Derek?” Emily cut in, raising an eyebrow so sharp it could’ve sliced through his bravado. “Subtle. Really. I’m impressed by your dedication to being as respectful as a middle schooler on spring break.”
Derek leaned forward, his grin turning downright wicked. “Oh, please, Em. Don’t even try it. I’ve seen you straight-up melt over a girl in a button-down. Subtle ain’t exactly your thing either.”
Emily rolled her eyes, taking a deliberate sip of her drink before setting it down with a smirk. “First of all, button-downs are hot. Second of all, mind your business, Morgan.” She leaned back in her chair. “At least I’m not out here narrating a National Geographic special on boobs. Talk about subtle.”
And then there was Spencer.
Of course, Spencer. Talking fast - too fast - gesturing wildly as he rattled off some philosophical theory that had to involve at least three different German philosophers whose names Aaron couldn’t spell, let alone pronounce.
And you.
Sitting at Aaron’s left, your hands flitted into Spencer’s space every other second, countering his arguments with rapid-fire points that seemed to form their own language.
Aaron caught maybe a couple of words out of every ten.
Something about Nietzsche. No, wait - you hated Nietzsche. Kierkegaard? Possibly.
Honestly, it could have been both. Or neither. For all he knew, you were inventing philosophers now just to keep the conversation interesting.
The two of you had been talking nonstop for the past hours - since the moment you boarded the jet. It had gone on so long, so consistently, that the noise was no longer conversation but had evolved into a kind of background static.
The rest of the team had tuned it out completely, treating your relentless back-and-forth as white noise punctuated by occasional bursts of excitement whenever one of you discovered a particularly “thrilling” point.
...thrilling for you, anyway.
Aaron was fairly certain no one else on the jet had ever found Kant ‘thrilling’ - at best, just a dead guy with a vaguely suggestive name that occasionally got a laugh.
It stung a little, though, when Aaron thought about how the team had spent a good portion of that time joking about you and Spencer - probably their way of coping with the relentless noise of your debates.
“Okay, seriously,” JJ had groaned at one point. “when we get to the bar tonight, they are sitting at a separate table. I can’t handle this anymore. And with alcohol involved? Forget it. My brain will shut down.”
Emily, sitting across from her, smirked. “Oh, come on, JJ. Don’t you want to learn about something completely useless while sipping a margarita? Could be fun.”
JJ shot her a look. “Pass.”
“We could all sit together at first and then just sneak off,” Derek said, leaning back in his chair with a self-satisfied grin. “Teach and Pretty Boy probably wouldn’t even notice… you know what they say - philosophy’s the language of loooove,” he added in a sing-song tone, waggling his eyebrows.
Penelope, who had been giggling quietly behind her hand, finally chimed in. “Aw, like two adorable little nerdy lovebirds. It’s so sweet!”
Lovebirds. Aaron’s jaw tightened as he stared straight ahead.
They were joking, of course. Obviously. There was no way they actually thought you and Spencer could be a thing. Relationships at work were strictly forbidden, after all.
It was in the rules.
Not that Aaron was thinking about relationships. That would be absurd.
It wouldn’t work - not because he didn’t like Spencer. Hell, Spencer was practically his first child. But the idea of you and Spencer together? It just didn’t make sense.
Sure he was brilliant, compassionate, genuine - all the qualities anyone could ask for. But Spencer wasn’t… well...
He just wasn’t for you.
Not that Aaron knew what your type even was. It wasn’t as if he’d spent the better part of a decade cataloging your preferences. That would be ridiculous.
But he did know one thing - you liked clever people. And Spencer was clever. A genius. Of course, it made perfect sense to everyone else that you’d be potentially a good match. Didn’t it?!
And what about him?
Aaron felt like he was drowning.
The table was alive with energy, with three conversations firing off simultaneously. And Aaron sat in the middle of it all, the only one not speaking.
Still, he absorbed it all: every word, every shift in tone, every burst of laughter. He didn’t interrupt, didn’t interject, even when he had something to say.
He just listened.
He wished he could do more than that. He wished people could see that he cared, that he was invested in what they were saying, even if his quiet nods and glances didn’t scream it like everyone else’s chatter did.
Because that was the thing about Aaron: listening came naturally to him. Reacting? That was harder.
He watched as Penelope exclaimed, “No way!” her hands flying up dramatically, her voice a beacon of enthusiasm. JJ chimed in with a soft “Really?” that pulled everyone into her orbit for just a second. Derek countered with a smug remark that had Emily rolling her eyes, but even she couldn’t suppress a grin.
And Aaron? Aaron just sat there, absorbing it all while his voice disappeared.
An hour could slip by without him saying a word, until someone finally remembered he was even there.
And that was the irony of it all: he was probably the most physically imposing person at the table, but his silence erased him. The conversation moved forward, leaving him stranded somewhere back in the past topic, unheard and unnoticed.
Most of the time, he didn’t mind. He didn’t need to be the center of attention, didn’t crave the spotlight - not here, not after a long day of being the Unit Chief.
But when he did notice? It hit him like a freight train.
Suddenly, he became hyper-aware of everything. The way his arms rested awkwardly on the table. The position of his hands. The stiffness of his posture. The sheer weight of his silence.
He felt out of place. Like a ghost at his own table.
Aaron shifted in his seat, stimming with his fingers - a small movement, but one that betrayed his discomfort. He glanced at the others, wondering if anyone had noticed, if anyone might throw him a lifeline.
But the table buzzed on, oblivious.
It started to sting when Aaron realized no one had asked him a question in the last 45 minutes.
He sat there, at the table with his team, feeling like a ghost at his own gathering. The laughter and voices surrounded him, a cacophony of sound that made it impossible to pinpoint one conversation from the next. He could barely hear himself think, and yet, inside his own head was where he remained, trapped, desperately wanting to be part of the moment but unsure how to step back into the light.
There’s a theory that says you don’t exist unless someone calls and you respond.
So there was light.
A warm touch of a hand on his left shoulder.
Aaron froze.
And then, it happened. Finally, a question. At him.
“So, are you going to New York tomorrow?” you asked, your hand still resting on his shoulder.
He hesitated for a second, as if needing to confirm that you were actually speaking to him. But the look in your eyes, the way they searched his, and the slight tilt of your head in his direction were more than enough to prove that you were.
It was strange. He wasn’t really used to being addressed like this in group settings - directly, personally. When people spoke to him, it was always about work, requests to stretch the days off into a long weekend, or about Jack, asking if he’d seen him recently.
No, he hadn’t. Not really.
He’d seen Jack about a month ago for barely a minute. He’d been asleep. Aaron had only gone to Jessica’s house because he’d needed to, after the worst case he’d handled all year.
Even now, guilt lingered for intruding like that, for being selfish enough to need that quiet moment, and it only deepened when questions like those came up, pulling him back to what he hadn’t done, to who he hadn’t been.
And yet, no one ever asked him about that. About him.
The questions were always for Hotch the Unit Chief or Aaron the dad. They were never about just Aaron.
“I-I don’t know yet,” he muttered, his voice barely audible. He half-expected you to nod politely and return to your conversation with Spencer. But you didn’t... why?
“What play were you planning to see?” you asked, your voice soft but curious, as though the answer genuinely mattered to you.
He paused, caught off guard by the question. He wasn’t sure why you even bothered. You knew next to nothing about musical theatre - less than he knew about philosophy, and that was saying something.
Because, if he were honest, he probably knew more about musical theatre than you did about philosophy. And you had a PhD in philosophy. Every paper you’d ever published had some philosophical angle, every argument you made seemed rooted in it. Hell, your mind practically breathed in philosophy. But musical theatre? That was his realm.
He wasn’t just an occasional fan - he was a theatre nerd, borderline obsessive. The kind of person who read scripts for fun, hummed overtures from shows no one else remembered, and had opinions on whether revivals ever truly lived up to the originals.
So why did this simple question throw him? Why did it feel like there was a weight behind it he couldn’t quite place? Maybe because you didn’t know that about him - not yet, at least.
Sure, you knew he loved musical theatre - which, honestly, was already an achievement. He rarely felt safe enough to share that detail with anyone. You knew he made it a point to see a Broadway play every time he was in New York.
But the rest? The details? Those he never shared. Not with you, not with anyone.
You didn’t know how often he went back to see the same shows, over and over again, as if they were old friends waiting to welcome him home.
Or how much he cherished the intimacy of tiny off-Broadway productions - the kind performed in spaces that barely qualified as theatres, where the air buzzed with raw, electric talent.
And he wasn’t sure how to tell you all of that without sounding like… well, like him.
Aaron Hotchner: Unit Chief. Father. Theatre Nerd.
“I haven’t really decided yet,” Aaron began, the words tumbling out faster than he intended. “But I’ve been thinking about catching this play. The original cast is coming back for a limited run this month to celebrate the anniversary… it’s kind of a big thing.”
What the fuck had he just said?
He sounded like one of those pretentious purists who thought only the original cast could do a show justice - the kind of person who wrote overly passionate forum posts about “artistic integrity.”
The same kind of person, ironically, he’d wasted too many hours of his life arguing with in comment sections, armed with nothing but a sense of logic, proper grammar, and the faint hope that maybe he could introduce them to the concept of reasonable thought.
And now? He sounded exactly like them. Great. Just great.
He needed to fix it. Immediately. Before he dug the hole any deeper.
“It’s not that I don’t like the current cast ,” he added quickly, as if that would save him. “Far from it. They’re incredible. I saw them last year, and they were just as powerful as I remembered. But…”
Oh, great. There was the but.
“The first time I saw it…” He trailed off for a second, feeling a pull he couldn’t quite articulate. “It was on opening night, back when it was still off-Broadway. No one really knew about it yet. It felt… raw, I guess. Intimate in a way that stayed with me.”
Intimate. Really, Hotchner?
He immediately winced internally. Now he sounded like a creep. Fantastic.
That was probably why you were smiling at him like that, with those soft eyes and that too-kind expression. Compassion. Pity.
That had to be it. You were humoring him.
Perfect. Just perfect. Can he do at least one thing right in his life? Just one? Apparently not.
The words started coming faster, his attempt to salvage whatever dignity he had left. “I mean, it’s the themes,” his hands twitched as if to emphasize the points, but he forced them to stay still. “They’re… timeless, but also distinctly modern. Community. Survival. Resilience. Love in its purest and messiest forms.”
Now he was waxing poetic. Could he even hear himself?
“People finding each other and holding on, even when everything around them is falling apart,” he continued, fully aware he’d gone too far but somehow unable to stop. “It’s hard to explain, but there’s something about it - the music, the storytelling. It’s honest, but it’s hopeful. It doesn’t shy away from how ugly life can be, but it still manages to show there’s beauty in the fight.”
He finally stopped, feeling his face grow warmer by the second. He might as well have just stood up and shouted, “Hi, I’m Aaron Hotchner, I’m 42 and I’m currently experiencing a complete emotional breakdown over a musical. Please be kind.”
What was he even doing? Did he think this would impress you? No, worse - for once he didn’t think at all. That was the problem.
“I don’t know,” he added quickly, trying to reel himself back in. “I’m probably just being sentimental.”
Beautiful, Hotchner. Very subtle. He was officially done talking. Forever, if possible.
You still smiled, leaning in slightly, and Aaron braced himself for the inevitable teasing, the polite that’s nice before you turned the conversation elsewhere. But instead, you tilted your head and said softly, “That doesn’t sound sentimental to me.”
He blinked, caught completely off guard. That wasn’t what he was expecting. Not even close.
“It sounds… personal,” you continued, your voice steady and calm. “Like it left a mark on you. I think that’s kind of incredible, actually.”
Aaron stared at you for a second, his mind scrambling - you weren’t laughing at him. You weren’t humoring him. You were listening.
“I-” he started, but the words caught in his throat.
You tilted your head, your smile growing just slightly, like you could see how much he was struggling to process this. “Really, I mean it. The way you’re describing it… honestly, it sounds beautiful. You connect with it. That’s the whole point of art, isn’t it? To find meaning in it, to feel heard.”
Beautiful.
Now you were waxing poetic. But somehow, hearing it from you didn’t make him wince the way his own words did.
He huffed a small, almost nervous laugh, more to himself than to you. It was infuriating how easily you could do that, just be this way. “I guess it is”
“Of course it is.” You teased lightly, sitting back in your seat but keeping your eyes on him. “Now, are you finally going to tell me the name of this life-changing musical, or is it some kind of classified information?”
“It doesn’t really matter,” he muttered, already trying to move past it. “You probably wouldn’t know it.” He caught himself. “It’s not important.”
You tilted your head, your smile unwavering, clearly not letting him off the hook. “It sounds important to you,” you said softly, leaning forward just a little. “And if it’s important to you, it’s important to me.”
He huffed a small breath, glancing down at his hands. He couldn’t tell if your persistence was infuriating or disarming - or maybe it was both.
“It’s called Rent,” he finally said, the word slipping out before he could stop himself.
“I know it,” you responded without hesitation, and he was so surprised that he couldn’t help but chime in again.
“You do?” he asked, the surprise clear in his voice - not because Rent was niche, far from it. It was one of the most iconic musicals ever.
But coming from you? This felt like a monumental achievement, especially considering that the last time you two talked about musicals, you’d admitted to not knowing The Sound of Music was anything more than a movie. At this point, he’d learned to expect anything from you.
“Yes,” you said with a small smile. “It’s actually the only live show I’ve ever seen. My mom practically dragged me to it ages ago… it was the day I finished my PhD in linguistics.”
Aaron didn’t know where to begin. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He did.
He knew you’d lived in New York while working on your PhD at Columbia, just a stone’s throw away from the very theatres he’d spent hours traveling to whenever he could manage a free weekend.
And yet, in all that time, you’d seen exactly one show. One.
It was baffling. Almost impressive, really - your sheer commitment to avoiding the arts.
Was it a conscious effort? A statement? Honestly, he wasn’t sure whether to be disappointed or begrudgingly admire the consistency.
“I don’t remember much of the songs, sorry” you admitted, your tone softer now. “I do remember, ironically, when we came in, they said the creator had passed the day before from a heart attack. I really could feel the emotion in the room. It was amazing - one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.”
It couldn’t be.
“January 26th, 1996,” he said, the words spilling out before he could stop himself.
You paused, your brows knitting together as you thought. “Oh, wow,” you murmured after a moment. “Yes, that’s right. How could you possibly know that?”
He felt his cheeks flush even as the words formed on his tongue. “That was opening night,” he said softly, almost hesitantly. “I was there too.”
You stared at each other, eyes locked. Silence.
He couldn’t quite put into words what it was that made the realization feel so… heavy.
Maybe it was the sheer improbability of it. How, out of all the places in the world, your paths had crossed that night in a tiny theatre in New York.
Because in 1996, you didn’t know each other. You were strangers in the truest sense of the word - two lives moving parallel, unaware of the other’s existence.
Of course, you wouldn’t remember seeing each other. How could you? The thought was absurd, and yet, the thought of it - of you there, somewhere in that 199-seat theatre, maybe half full - flustered him.
Had your eyes met in the foyer, just for a fleeting moment, the way they were meeting his now?
Had you brushed past him, two strangers moving toward seats that would bring you close but never quite close enough?
The thought sent him spiraling, not because it felt impossible, but because it didn’t. It felt inevitable.
Maddening and beautiful all at once, the kind of paradox that left him breathless.
There was a sweet, aching ignorance in the idea.
Neither of you had any way of knowing what you would one day mean to each other.
Of knowing that the stranger sitting nearby, lost in the same music and emotion, would one day become one of the most important people in your life.
It had to be fate.
You, sitting just as you were now - beside him, to his left. Or at least, that’s how liked to imagine it. Maybe you’d even leaned toward your mother then, the way you leaned toward him now, smiling.
Some people are just meant to be, aren’t they?
Fate, he thought again. Because if that wasn’t fate, he wasn’t sure what was.
So maybe he should go to New York. All the streets seemed to lead there.
Besides, someone he knew had just been assigned to lead the NYPD, maybe he should pay her a visit.
---
Hotch hadn’t expected how much the latest case would affect his team - or himself, for that matter.
He’d noticed something was wrong with JJ the moment they stepped into the first crime scene together.
There was a heaviness about her, a stillness he’d learned to recognize in the years they’d worked side by side. It wasn’t unusual for these cases to take a toll, but this one felt different.
He’d confronted her almost immediately, pulling her aside when Reid and the officer weren’t within earshot. He’d told her he understood - how could he not?
Ever since Jack was born, cases involving children had clawed at him in ways he couldn’t fully prepare for, no matter how many times he tried to steel himself.
But for JJ, it was different. It was worse. Every case they worked on - every horror they encountered - came across her desk first.
Every victim’s file landed in her hands before it reached anyone else. And far too often, those victims were women her age, mothers, daughters, lives cut short in ways too cruel to fathom.
He’d told her it was okay to lose it every once in a while, that no one could carry this job without feeling its weight. She hadn’t looked convinced, and he couldn’t blame her.
Coming from him - the Stoic - it must have felt hollow.
He saw it in her eyes, in the way her shoulders barely eased under his reassurances. She was still carrying it, even after the case was over.
And so he tried again.
He approached JJ as the officer closed the door on the car, securing the unsub’s wife, Chrissy, inside. She had killed him, desperate to protect their future child from his violent legacy.
“You okay?” he asked gently.
JJ stared blankly into the distance, her arms crossed tightly over her chest. It took a moment before she answered, her voice low and reflective. “You stop caring, you're jaded. If you care too much... it'll ruin you.”
“Just know that you did everything you could,” he replied softly. “Sometimes we get it right with a little luck, and most of the time we don't. That's the job. It's never perfect.”
He paused, his gaze shifting to her as his tone softened further. “It's still better to care.”
“You really believe that?” JJ asked, finally turning to look at him, her arms still folded defensively.
Of course not. Caring too much destroys you - it always does. Look at what it had done to his own life.
He shook his head slowly, his mouth twitching as if suppressing a more honest reply. “I believe it's never perfect.”
And maybe that’s what haunted him the most - how helpless he felt in the face of it. Because he knew better than anyone that words could only do so much. Pain like that didn’t dissipate because someone told you it was okay to feel it.
It lingered. It lingered in the quiet moments, in the spaces between cases, in the dark corners of your mind when you finally stopped moving.
Another one who didn’t show the weight of the case quite as visibly as JJ, but was no less affected, was Prentiss.
She was better at masking it - that much he could see. But Hotch also knew her well enough to recognize the way she carried her thoughts.
The motive behind this case, the layers of injustice, had settled heavily on her shoulders. It wasn’t hard to imagine why. Her frustration wasn’t so different from JJ’s in essence, it came from the same place - a longing for justice.
But for Prentiss, it wasn’t just about the crimes committed. It was about the deeper, systemic unfairness that had brought them here in the first place.
He could tell she was thinking about Chrissy, the young mother caught in an impossible situation.
About how, in a patriarchal society, the person who would truly pay the price for all of this wouldn’t be the perpetrator alone - it would be Chrissy, the woman who had tried to protect her child in the only way she thought she could.
It was horrifyingly unfair.
Aaron could feel her anger in the quiet moments, the way her jaw tightened when Chrissy’s name was mentioned, the way she avoided eye contact with anyone when the case wrapped. He understood it, but he didn’t say anything.
How could he? He had no right to.
As a man, he knew he was part of the very system she was furious with. Even unintentionally, even passively, he benefited from it. So he stayed quiet.
But that didn’t mean he did nothing. As a former prosecutor, he understood the gravity of Chrissy’s situation. The trial would not be easy. The legal system often wasn’t.
But he also knew the power of a voice within that system, the importance of framing the narrative with care. So he took the only step he could think of, the only one that felt right.
He sat down and wrote a letter addressing the complexities of the case. He focused on the circumstances that had forced Chrissy into a decision no one should ever have to make. He laid out the context, the systemic failures, the humanity of it all. And when it was done, he filed it with the process.
It wasn’t much, but it was a step.
It was all he could do - to have faith that the trial would deliver justice, not just for the victims, but for Chrissy as well.
With Morgan and Reid, the reasons were different - the questions a case like this left behind were vast, yet the two of them had latched onto the same one, albeit in opposing ways.
The cyclical nature of violence. The profound impact of familial legacy on individual behavior. Can you pass down the gene of evil? Is it inevitable? Or can it be changed?
It was ironic, really - how the same theme could yield two entirely different interpretations, juxtaposed like night and day.
For Morgan, who was slowly reapproaching a faith he’d long abandoned, the answers came from above. Or at least, he hoped they would.
Morgan searched for meaning in something greater, for the divine to offer clarity in a world that often seemed devoid of it.
Hotch couldn’t offer much in that regard; he understood it too well. He’d grown up in a family that confessed the same beliefs, heard the same hymns, recited the same prayers. And while the answers Morgan sought were his own to find, Hotch could offer a small gesture of solidarity.
So, when he went to the kitchenette for coffee, he made one for Morgan too. He didn’t say anything, just handed him the steaming cup, hoping the caffeine would keep him awake long enough to wrestle with those questions and, luckily, find some peace before it spiraled further.
He added an extra touch - his last dark chocolate truffle. He wanted it for himself, truthfully, but Morgan needed it more. It wasn’t much, but it felt like the right thing to do.
Because if there was one tenet of faith Aaron could still believe in, it was this: ‘be kind to one another.’ And sometimes, kindness came in the form of caffeine and chocolate
Then there was Reid. For him, the search for answers took a different path, one turned inward.
He sought them in the vast expanse of his mind, a database larger and more intricate than anything Hotch could fathom.
He knew that Reid’s healing process often began in solitude, pouring over facts, theories, and philosophical musings until they settled into something resembling clarity.
So, when he made coffee for him, he took care to prepare it the way Reid liked it - sickeningly sweet, almost more syrup than coffee. He didn’t interrupt Reid’s silent contemplation. It was still too early, the thoughts too embryonic.
Handing Reid the mug, he let the younger man be, knowing that if Spencer needed logical confrontation, he would come directly to him. They’d discuss the meaning of words, the patterns of human behavior, and then Reid would likely move on with his day.
What concerned him, though, was the possibility that Reid might go to you instead.
It wasn’t that Hotch doubted you - quite the opposite. If there was anyone who understood Reid’s need to dive deeply into the cultural and philosophical nature of humanity, it was you.
You had a way of peeling back layers, of digging into the complexities of existence, even when it required hours of intellectual and emotional suffering to do so. Hotch trusted you more than he trusted himself to guide Reid in those moments.
But if Reid came to you, it would mean the case had struck him harder than Hotch had realized.
Because you weren’t the first step in Reid’s process - you were the last. The one who could challenge him, pull him deeper, and help him emerge on the other side.
Hotch took a sip of his own coffee, glancing toward Reid, who was already lost in thought, and then toward Morgan, who sat quietly with his faith and his chocolate.
They’d find their answers in time, he knew. Whether above, within, or through someone who truly understood.
Rossi though was, without a doubt, the most frustrating one to figure out.
It wasn’t that Hotch didn’t understand why the case had affected him - he did. The reasons were as plain as day.
But Rossi’s stubbornness and unyielding pride made it nearly impossible to offer any kind of help, let alone get close enough to understand the full picture. He was still adjusting to the group dynamic, still learning to balance respect for everyone’s boundaries with his old habits of calling the shots.
Sure, there had been progress.
Rossi had made small steps toward blending in since rejoining the team, he was more open with him especially - but there were moments when his gaze drifted backward, to how things used to be.
That same tendency to look to the past was what Hotch knew had cut deepest in this case. The past haunted Rossi.
Hotch had seen it in the way his demeanor shifted, the way he threw himself into conversation with the local detective, whose story mirrored something unspoken in Rossi.
The detective had just closed a case that had haunted him for 27 years - a case that had cost him everything. His job. His mental sanity. His sense of self.
Rossi wasn’t as different from him as he probably wanted to believe.
Hotch had overheard more than one of their conversations, seen the way Rossi leaned in when the man talked about his regrets, about the weight he carried. And more than once, Rossi had mentioned his own “unfinished business,” those words lingering in the air like a loaded gun.
Hotch didn’t push. He couldn’t. Rossi had to face it on his own first, to admit - to himself, above all - that there was something he needed to confront.
But he hoped that when the time came, Rossi would find the strength to do more than just admit it. He hoped he’d find the strength to let it go.
Only an agent was left - two, if he counted himself.
It didn’t surprise him that the reason this case had shaken you was the same as his own, even if you hadn’t told him yet.
You didn’t need to. He knew you too well by now, and silence wasn’t as opaque as you probably hoped it would be.
And the thing that would help you was the same thing he knew would help him: dialogue. A confrontation of two broken individuals, trying to make sense of the same chaos from different angles.
You and him, speaking two completely different languages: physics and metaphysics. One grounded in logic and structure, the other stretching toward something bigger, intangible.
You sought answers in the abstract, in the why, while he clung to the tangible, the how.
Together, somehow, you always found your way.
Hotch made his way down the aisle of the jet, paperwork in hand, catching sight of you before he even reached your seat. You were hunched over a file, so engrossed that you didn’t notice him until he stopped beside you and cleared his throat.
Predictably, you snapped the file shut in an instant, like you were hiding state secrets. Too bad for you - he already knew.
“There’s no need to be so secretive about that case file,” he said, his tone deceptively casual as he lowered himself into the seat across from you, one hand tugging his tie back into place. “Especially when we’re both working on the exact same one.”
Your eyes flicked up, skeptical, and then down at the file he placed on the table - its size dwarfing yours like a monument to over-preparation. “Impossible,” you said, your arms crossing defensively. “Yours is the size of an encyclopedia.”
“Probably because it seems I’ve worked on it more than you have,” he replied, allowing himself the faintest hint of a smile. “Tell me, is it the Boston Reaper case by any chance?”
Caught you, Philosopher.
Your eyes widened, the look of someone watching a magician pull a rabbit out of a hat. “How? Why?”
That was all you managed to say, and Hotch had to fight back the urge to laugh. The great oracle of philosophy, reduced to caveman syntax. You sounded exactly like Jack when he was first trying to string together sentences as a toddler.
Those questions weren’t even for him - they were clearly for yourself.
How does he know? Why is he working on this case?
And honestly, Hotch thought, the answers were so obvious it was almost endearing that you bothered to ask.
He knew why you were both silently working on that case on the jet back to Quantico. It was your way of coping with the uncomfortable fear today’s investigation had stirred - that an old, unresolved case like this one could resurface, leaving a new trail of victims in its wake.
Fear - that you might end up like the detective from today, unprepared. All this time later, and still haunted by what could have been done differently.
The Boston Reaper wasn’t just another unresolved case. It wasn’t just about the local police pulling both of you off it before you’d even had the chance to work on a proper profile.
That had been frustrating, sure, but the ties to this case ran deeper.
For him, it had been his first case as a lead profiler, thrust into the role just as Rossi had abruptly left the team without so much as a warning.
For you, it had been your ever first unresolved case, the kind of professional scar that stayed with you no matter how many victories followed.
And then there was the part neither of you would ever mention aloud.
It had been the case assigned to both of you the morning after what could only be described as a monumental lapse in judgment - a lapse Mrs. Lee, would still gleefully encourage you to repeat.
“Fear,” Hotch said simply, answering the unspoken why. He didn’t dare meet your eyes as he added, “And you already know the ‘how.’”
Because of course you did.
That unspoken moment of realization between you was something he definitely didn’t want to linger on - mainly because the second he saw it in your eyes, he’d probably blush like an idiot, and you’d never let him hear the end of it.
“So,” he said briskly, gesturing toward your file, “can I read the Oracle’s thoughts on the case now?”
You hesitated for a moment, then handed him the file. “I got stuck,” you admitted, your tone less defensive now. “There’s barely anything in there.”
“Well, that’s why I’m here. Let’s see -” he said, flipping open the file.
His eyes immediately landed on one word written larger than the others, circled as if it demanded top billing in the drama of your thoughts.
“Fate,” he murmured, his lips twitching at the irony.
Of course it was fate.
If the past few days had taught him anything, it was that the universe had an excellent sense of humor - albeit a twisted one.
You leaned forward slightly, pulling him back to the present. “He uses the Eye of Providence as a symbol for his killings,” you explained, saving him from the philosophical essays you’d undoubtedly penned in the margins... thank God.
You continued “That’s where I started. But it led me nowhere. Then I thought about how he wrote ‘fate’ on the windshield of one of his victims in their own blood.” You paused for a bit. “Words are more powerful than symbols.”
That struck a chord. Words required intent, precision. They carried weight. They cut deeper.
Hotch’s eyes dropped back to the file, scanning your notes as he absorbed what you’d said. Pieces started clicking into place, fragments of thought aligning in a way that sparked something.
 He looked up at you. “What if he sees himself as the personification of fate?” he theorized, his eyes searching yours for confirmation.
“Well, didn’t you read my mind, Unit Chief?!” you said with a grin. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to prove.” That look - the one you knew drove him just slightly mad - prompted him to respond before he even had the chance to think better of it.
“And to do that, you had to go back quite a bit. Since Christianity influenced Western culture, we don’t talk about fate anymore - that’s more pagan. Instead, we talk about providence,” he said, his voice steady, almost clinical. “Ancient Greece, on the other hand, is full of myths where fate is one the central themes.”
Your grin only widened, amused and maybe a little impressed. “Wow. You really are good, Agent Hotchner,” you said with a mock coo. “Yes, exactly.”
Of course.
You were teasing him - again - but there was a glint in your eye, a genuine spark that reminded him why he always ended up drawn into these conversations with you, whether he wanted to be or not.
“I did try the those first,” you continued “but the imagery didn’t match. To explain it, I had to revisit Stoicism. They saw the universe as governed by this entity called logos - a rational, divine order where everything connects in an unbroken chain of cause and effect. What I found particularly important is that fate, in their view, isn’t something chaotic but part of a structured system. It’s revolutionary.”
He wasn’t used to your characteristic back-and-forth during cases anymore. He hadn’t paired you with him in what felt like ages - since long before Rossi rejoined the team. Maybe it was deliberate. Maybe it wasn’t. He didn’t want to think too hard about it.
But hearing you now, rattling off ideas with that same unstoppable energy, he realized just how much he’d missed it. Your wits, your knowledge, your uncanny ability to pull connections out of thin air - it was as maddening as it was impressive.
Not that he particularly missed the mock praise you’d thrown his way earlier. That could stay firmly in the past where it belonged. Or, at the very least, it could try to sound a bit more genuine.
Not that he wanted to hear it, of course.
…Okay, maybe it was better to change the subject entirely.
He missed you.
“So, by presenting himself as ‘fate,’” you continued, “the Reaper excuses himself entirely. He’s not making choices - he’s just the inevitable result of the universe’s design. Or at least, that’s how he sees it. Responsibility lies with the deterministic nature of existence itself. Quite of a sophisticated delusion.” you added, leaning back with a wry smile.
Hotch tilted his head. “Interesting… but if he truly believed that, why leave a signature? Why call 911? That’s ego. He wants us to know it’s him. That’s not someone surrendering to inevitability - that’s someone demanding recognition.”
“That’s why I’m stuck,” you admitted, with a frustrated sigh. “The contradictions don’t align. His actions suggest ego, yes. A desire for attention, for dominance. But that one 911 call…”
He leaned forward slightly. “What about it?”
“The call bothers me,” you continued, your voice softer now, more introspective. “Too deliberate. Too… purposeful. I feel they aren’t just challenges. There’s something else, I can’t see it yet, but it’s not just about superiority. It doesn’t feel like pure ego.”
He responded to you way too quickly. “Then what does it feel like?”
You hesitated, searching for the right words. “Something human, maybe,” you said finally. “There’s something… ordinary about the Unsub. Normal. He blends in so seamlessly that even his grandiosity doesn’t seem entirely self-serving.” You gestured at the file in front of you. “I can’t connect these pieces. The deterministic philosophy. The theatrical ego. The calculated call. It’s like he exists in two worlds at once - one of chaos, and one of order.”
His gaze lingered on you for a moment. “And you think the truth lies somewhere in the contradiction.”
You shrugged. “Doesn’t it always?”
Hotch exhaled softly, the faintest smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he watched you.
You couldn’t help yourself, could you? Always had to end with something emblematic, like you were writing the last line of a novel. Throw in a fade to black, and you were set.
“When you’re done making fun of me,” you said, raising your eyebrows at him, “could you explain how, with the same lack of material, you somehow have a file twice the size of mine?”
He couldn’t help the brief laugh that escaped him. Of course, you’d noticed.
“I’m not particularly proud of this…” he began, his tone measured but edged with a hint of self-deprecation. “But after we were pulled from the case, I went back to Boston a couple of weeks later.” He paused, gauging your reaction before continuing. “I got George Foyet’s testimony while he was still in the hospital.”
Your head snapped up, staring at him, completely stunned. “You?” you said slowly, suspicion lacing every syllable. “You went back to Boston? The man who practically has the Constitution tattooed on his soul took a statement after being removed from the case? That wasn’t even legal, was it?”
“It wasn’t,” Hotch admitted, his smirk widening just enough to make you narrow your eyes further. “But I knew they’d write a book about the Reaper case eventually. Once it became public domain, the testimony would be usable. I was just… proactive.”
“Proactive,” you repeated, shaking your head with a disbelieving laugh. “That’s barely ethical.”
He didn’t miss a beat. “I blame you.” His tone was deadpan. “You brought out the worst in me back then.”
You snorted, leaning back in your seat with an exasperated smile. “How convenient, blaming it all on what were actually your overthoughts after some drunk sex.”
Oh no. Absolutely not. He was not going there.
He looked down at the file on the table, hoping the angle would save him from the inevitable reddening of his face.
Why, of all the things you could’ve said, did you have to bring that up? It wasn’t even relevant - well, not entirely relevant.
Deflection. That was his only move now. Luckily, the one he had in mind was at least partially truthful.
“We’re landing in a few minutes,” he began, keeping his tone calm and measured, “so how about this: when we’re back, we exchange files. You can go through the testimony, and I’ll take another look at where you got stuck with the phone call. We both take the night to work on it, and tomorrow, we compare notes.”
You tilted your head, skepticism written all over your face. “And what if someone finds out we’re working on a closed case?”
“That’s why we’re doing it at your place,” he said, his tone completely matter-of-fact, like this was the most logical solution in the world. Because it was. It wasn’t an excuse, at all.
You blinked, caught off guard. “Oh, so now you’re inviting yourself over?”
“Haven’t seen Mrs. Lee in a few weeks,” he said smoothly, like that was somehow a perfectly valid justification.
You laughed at that, shaking your head. “Right… You know what? She might adore you, but let’s not forget who she entrusted with her blueberry pie recipe.”
What?
And you waited all this time to tell him that?
So this is what betrayal feels like. A little less dramatic than expected, but still, very disappointing.
---
If there was one universal truth about the BAU team, it was this: no matter how different you all were, no matter how much tension simmered beneath the surface after a long case, there was one sacred ritual that bound you together - going out for drinks.
Especially after the cases that were draining, but not devastating.
The ones that left you raw but still intact, just enough to crave the company of those who understood the madness you faced.
This case had been one of those.
There was a quiet hum of unspoken agreement as everyone wrapped up their notes, pens clicking shut, desks tidied with a precision that came from mutual understanding rather than coordination.
It wasn’t planned, but somehow, you all ended up converging in the bullpen at the same time, like a gravitational pull none of you could resist.
The collective exhaustion that had hung heavy all day began to lift, replaced by a singular, unifying hope: to fuck up your livers just enough to lighten the weight pressing on your minds.
It was Derek who broke the silence, standing up from his chair and tossing his notebook across his desk with a grin. “Who’s up for a drink?”
Emily cheered like she’d been waiting for this exact moment. “Who’s up for five?”
“Five bottles, you mean?” you chimed in, feigning doubt as though you were on the verge of saying no.
“Each,” Emily clarified with a playful wink.
That was all it took for you to reach for your pen, clicking it closed with a dramatic flair before placing it back into your holder.
“Count me in,” Rossi said casually, like this wasn’t the team’s collective miracle of the week. For someone who had only recently started joining you on these outings, this was practically a declaration of loyalty.
“I don’t know,” Spencer muttered, adjusting the strap of his bag - a move so predictable it immediately set off Derek.
“Stop with the ‘I don’t know.’ You’re in, kid,” Derek said, striding confidently across the bullpen, leaving no room for argument. “JJ?”
“I’d love to, but I’m gonna have to take a rain check,” JJ said, offering a soft smile that carried just enough warmth to make Emily’s heart squeeze.
That meant only a single person remained.
“Unit Chief,” you said, striding toward him with that determined glint in your eye. “Just one beer.”
Hotch exhaled, the faintest trace of a smile tugging at his lips as he glanced at you. “Sure,” he said simply, afterall he couldn’t say no to that, not after a case like this.
But apparently, his mere will hadn’t been enough to seal the moment.
The sound of the bullpen doors opening pulled his attention, the heavy glass swinging wide as a man in a suit entered. He moved with purpose, his expression unreadable, carrying an envelope and a folder that seemed too heavy for their size.
“Agent Hotchner?” the man called out.
Hotch straightened immediately, his spine rigid, the shift so automatic it was almost reflex. “Yes,”
What happened next took seconds, maybe less, but it felt like a lifetime compressed into the space of a breath.
His left hand moved to sign the notice, his name scrawled neatly onto the blank space with a pen he didn’t remember reaching for.
The man nodded once, taking the signed folder back with an efficiency that bordered on mechanical.
And just like that, he was gone - disappearing through the same doors he had entered, leaving destruction in his wake as swiftly as he’d brought it.
All that remained that could prove his existence was the envelope in Hotch’s hand, the weight of it far heavier than paper should ever be.
The bullpen was suddenly too quiet. Too still.
“What is it?” Emily asked, her voice cutting through the silence.
He really didn’t want to look up, but he still did anyways.
He gestured faintly with the envelope, his voice quiet, flat, as though detachment might dull the edge of it. “Haley’s filing for divorce.”
He paused, his gaze drifting back to the envelope, as though it might explain itself if he stared hard enough. Then he spoke again, his voice even quieter this time, almost resigned. “I’ve been served.”
Before anyone could respond, he turned on his heel, the envelope still clutched in his hand like a foreign object he didn’t know what to do with. He walked out, back through the glass doors, the weight of their closing behind him louder than it had ever have been.
You stared after him, your hand falling away from where it had hovered, wanting to reach out but knowing better.
You didn’t want to drink anymore.
And him?
Somewhere beyond those glass doors, Hotch kept walking, as though forward motion might somehow keep him from falling apart entirely.
The envelope burned in his hand, and every step felt heavier than the last, carrying him into a night that suddenly felt colder and far too empty.
Because now, it was real.
---
Phi’s Corner: Did I just waste 5 hours of my life discovering that Tumblr only allows 1,000 text blocks max and had to re-edit everything? Yes, I did. Because I’m a sucker for distanced one-liners, and the universe clearly hates me. Also… did you catch the little countdown? Hehe. I’m evil. Oh, and for the record - I am Mrs. Lee’s #1 stan. Don’t forget it.
taglist: @beata1108 ; @c-losur3 ; @fangirlunknown ; @hayleym1234 ; @justyourusualash ; @khxna ; @kyrathekiller ; @lostinwonderland314 ; @mxblobby ; @person-005 ; @prettybaby-reid ; @reidfile ; @royalestrellas ; @ssa-callahan ; @softestqueeen ; @theseerbetweenus ; @todorokishoe24
273 notes · View notes
hurtspideyparker · 11 months ago
Note
Hi, sorry but could you recommend any of your favourite Peter Parker fics please?
For sure !!! *cracks open ao3 bookmarks*
Thirty Hours by polaroid15 - Peter doesn't take any breaks during a lengthy fight with the Avengers. The mind-melting fever that follows really should have been expected.
Hurt Peter Parker, my favourite tag <3 I love when Spider-Man is a badass and also lacks self-preservation. He's so cool fighting alongside the Avengers and we get some sweet hurt/comfort irondad!
Fitting In (Tiny Spaces) by aloneintherain - Peter's trapped beneath a collapsed building during a mission, hurt and unable to move. Luckily, his comm still works. Unluckily, the Avengers don’t realise how bad of a state Peter is in, and Peter isn’t inclined to tell them.
This fic is an icon in the fandom and for GOOD REASON. I just can not get enough of Peter Parker hiding his injuries. More heavy whump and angst!
All good things come in threes by Bergen - Peter has three secret identities: Spider-Man, the superhero who swings around the city to save people. Parker Benjamin, who gives Tony Stark unsolicited advice on his research. And NightMonkey, the Instagrammer who keeps uploading increasingly popular but embarrassing drawings of Iron Man.
And he can juggle them all just fine, thankyouverymuch.
Okay here is the fluff!!! Peter is a genius, a menace, and a sweetheart. Tony Stark runs into him (again and again) and can't help but have a soft spot for him every time. Funny and cute and an all 'round good time!
Held Together by Spiderwebs by TunaFishChris - Steve is not coping well in the twenty-first century. At all. Three months after the Chitauri invasion, he decides he's had enough.
But just as he's about to end it all, he runs into the new hero in town.
This one focuses a lot on Steve but I really like him and Peter's relationship in it, and I think this is great Peter Parker characterization. TW for discussions of depression and suicide, it gets a bit dark!
5 Times Spider-Man Saved an Avenger's Ass (and 1 Time They Saved Him) by TunaFishChris - this fic showcases how strong and capable Peter is, he's definitely a BAMF. I really like this genre where the Avengers know Spider-Man but not Peter Parker, makes Peter feel more independent and mature like in the comics.
Five Time Faculty Members Had to Call Peter's Emergency Contact + One Time He Shows Up Anyway, Five Times Tony Stark's Fabled Intern Just Showed Up + One Time He Was Invited, and Five Times Strangers Talked About Peter and Tony + One time Someone They Know Did by kingdomfaraway - I am just gonna recommend this entire series. Super fluffy, extreme irondad and spiderson. They're just adorable from an outside perspective and I love when Peter gets to just be Tony's intern and a teenager for a while :)
research and disaster by blueh - “So, uh, Mr. Stark definitely knows Roomba-Kid,” Becket says and discreetly tilts his head in the direction of the pair.
“Oh my god,” Jess says. She almost sounds gleeful. “Oh my god, he’s not just some random kid. He’s Mr. Stark’s kid.”
or: the interns at Stark Industries have some questions about Peter Parker. The answers aren’t quite what they expect.
I just love intern Peter mk? Let him be a kid genius and have fun!!! Fluffy and humorous, again with the irondad.
Captain, Oh My- Not My Captain! by uncouth_peasant - Peter swallowed hard before firing a web to swing into the fray. “Cap’s going after civilians. I’m out of time.”
Bruised and bloody men <3. Just Peter being a badass and getting beat to a pulp. Cool fighting, lots of Peter whump, and of course the Avengers being protective.
Good publicity by Bergen - Between Peter Parker barely speaking, and Spider-Man being the ultimate chatterbox, how was Tony ever supposed to figure out that they were one and the same person?
Tony Stark is secretly a softie for cute kids, especially when they're a genius and have a sense of humour to rival his own. Peter is a foster kid who ends up finding a home with Pepper and Tony, very sweet.
The Third Option by Uncertainty_Principle - When Ben is murdered Peter goes into foster care. It takes just a tiny taste of superpowers for Peter to decide he doesn’t want to put up with his horrible foster father anymore—the streets are infinitely more appealing. All he wants is to be Spider-Man anyway.
So he leaves, simple.
Simple, that is, until Iron Man needs Spider-Man’s help.
Heavy TW for this one, mind the tags. This is a popular fic and for good reason. A very mature and realistic portrayal of the foster care system and homelessness. The Peter angst is really great and I could barely put it down, that boy needs a hug so bad.
Now here's some hydra!Peter fics cuz they're my jam:
Peter is a precious chickpea by Bergen - They attack the HYDRA safe house shortly before sunrise.
The only people defending said safe house are Peter and Leo, and Leo slams his cell door open and starts spitting out orders, but then promptly gets clobbered over the head and keels sideways.
So that just leaves Peter. And he’s not even going to try to fight a whole team of Avengers. He looks up at Iron Man filling the doorway. “I surrender.”
He’s never been captured before and he’s not sure what to do. Escape, probably.
This entire series is PERFECT. I just love how adorable Peter is, and all the relationships Peter forms with the Avengers absolutely melt my heart. Peter's characterization in this is really unique and I wish there was more. The Bucky and Peter friendship is everythingggg. I love hydra!peter and bucky fics.
Indoctrination by phoenixon - The Avengers thought they were on a typical assignment: Infiltrate the Hydra base and find the weapon. What they didn't expect was the small boy raised by Hydra that they found instead. And they definitely didn't expect him to stay at Avengers Tower or how he somehow wormed his way into their lives. As for Peter, he just wants to be good and obey what the Hydra men told him so he doesn't get in trouble.
I just really love hydra Peter changing into a sweet and intelligent boy once he's rescued and safe, and how all the Avengers take up such heart-warming parental roles around him.
out there, living in the sun by Hailfire_73 - The Avengers rescue Peter from a Hydra base ran by his father, Richard Parker, except Peter doesn't really see it as a rescue, and has trouble settling into a new life away from Hydra and his father at the Avengers compound. OR - Peter learns how to be an actual teenager, live life, and put his abusive past behind him, and Tony learns how to be a father.
Hydra Peter but he's most definitely a traumatized and moody teenager. I really enjoyed Peter's character arc and the exploration of his trauma. It felt more realistic the way his journey isn't just a straight or clear path. He's more mature in this one and it was a really compelling read, balancing the angst with some humour and fluff. Loved the ending.
Tinker, Tailor, Spider by Bergen - Tony is roped into a mission to transport a teenager to safety. But when things go south, it soon becomes more and more puzzling who the teenager is and what ‘safety’ means for him.
I really enjoy that the author doesn't water Peter being hydra down. Yes he is a highly skilled assassin and a badass who's trauma pervades his every thought and decision. Made me fall in love with the Tony, Pepper, Morgan and Peter as a family dynamic. Super domestic while still highlighting Peter's troubled past.
433 notes · View notes
Text
PCCP's 2024 multi-chapter fic roundup
I just wanted to take a moment here to celebrate some of my favorite multi-chapter fics I wrote in 2024! I have had so much joy in writing these and sharing them, and if you're looking for something to read, maybe give one of them a shot?
"Seabird, Fly Home" is my favorite fic I wrote this year. This is a reincarnation fic with heavy themes of grief, loss, and mourning, in which paranormal investigators Ed and Stede uncover the mystery behind their past lives. Very angsty but with a very happy ending. Rated M, 57k words.
"Star Waka" was the last multi-chapter fic I wrote this year and another stand-out favorite. Centered around ideas of identity, community, and learning to love being alive after you've given up on it, this is a sci-fi space trucker au. When starship captain Ed is assigned to mentor newbie captain Stede after a failed suicide attempt, he's able to come home to himself. Rated M, 55k words, and I think this fic really proves how much I've grown as a writer this year.
"Where We Belong: a Duet" is a former hitman!Ed au, and the longest fic I wrote this year. You like whump? Stede joyfully learning to Do Crimes? Then this one's for you! After stumbling onto Stede's doorstep after a last case gone wrong, all Ed wants is a quiet life, but as Stede tries to keep the peace only to find trouble constantly brewing on the horizon, they have to work for their happy ending. Rated E, 115k words.
"On a Bright Day, Next Week" started out as a Portal 2 au and took on a life of its own! In this sci-fi au, Stede wakes up in the cryosleep lobby at Queen Anne Research Laboratories, and must work with the erratic AI system ED to uncover the mystery of what happened there. Rated M, 54k words.
"This Sudden Burst of Sunlight" is such a special fic, centered around depressed, heavily suicidal Ed choosing to live after he's given up on a happy ending. Very angsty but so happy at the end! Rated E, 72k words.
"Dear Ed, Again" is such a fun fic and I just love it! When punk rockstar Ed and freshly-out Stede decide to run away from their lives together, they fake a relationship to prove to everyone in their lives that they're better off alone. As they heal with each other, they discover there's so much love still waiting for them. Rated E, 78k words.
"My Ocean Deep" was my first fic of 2024! This actual kraken!Ed au is sweet, whumpy, and has a super happy ending. Featuring cryptid hunter Stede teaming up with Ed, who just happens to be the kraken they're looking for, with lots of crew hijinks and perhaps my favorite Ned Low ever (what if he was just a really fucked-up marine biologist?) Rated E, 65k words.
"If I Get Lost Along the Way" is one I personally re-read often. After getting out of a string of abusive relationships, Ed meets Stede, they hit it off after going to key his ex's car at the same time, and they help each other learn to build a life they're excited to live. Rated E, 75k words.
"Everything That Rises Must Converge" is the shortest on this list, but I think it still hits hard! This is a twist on the post-s2 spitefic genre, with Ed being convinced their inn is haunted and their happy ending is crumbling apart, and as he unpacks his fear and allows himself to feel safe for the first time, their house shifts from a source of terror into a home. Rated M, 6k words.
"Sounds Like Pearls" is my first foray into writing age regression fic! More than anything, this fic is a character study into Ed's childhood trauma and its lingering effects, but it also has plenty of fluff, cute little!Ed moments, and healing for both Ed and Stede. Rated T, 44k words.
"Ed and Stede's Super Special Top Surgery Vlogs" is a step away from my usual prose style, as this fic is told entirely through videos on Stede's YouTube channel as he and Ed go through the process of Ed's top surgery. Very personal and filled with trans joy! Rated T, 19k words.
Thank you so, so much for everyone who's read along with any one of these fics! They've all been a joy and a pleasure to share. <3
38 notes · View notes
cravesunconditionallove · 2 months ago
Note
We all love lab whump and military whump, but
What is your opinion on military lab whump? Science man in work uniform with lab coat on top? Wrestling your subject into lab chair with military CQC? Taking advice and comment from fellow science man but barking order at the subject? Watching new subject through shatter proof glass wall? Refuse to give any info but name and ID number when captured?
Glad you asked! Those are two of my favorite whump genres. Those are all some great ideas too, I am stealing those for later use 👀
I love some good military grade lab-made Whumpee content, and people talk a lot about the scientist doing the whumping but what about the scientists *being* the Whumpees?
Like, not just sick scientists but they are forced to do research? Forced to work till exhaustion is similar but same point.
Traded like pawns between the highest bidder? Kidnapped, even, to do something the bad guys want them to do, even if they don’t want to?
Forced to do unethical experiments on their friends or random civilians, because it will “further humanity”?
I know this is kind of a ramble but there’s so much potential here.
There’s a reason why that captured scientist image is one of my favorite whump refs of all time, lol…
31 notes · View notes
frottinggg · 5 months ago
Text
Hello! I know I've posted about art commissions here before. However, my true skill set is writing. I'm a professional writer with years of experience writing articles and branded content, but I've spent my entire life in collaborative communities for roleplay and group writing. I'm extraordinarily well-acquainted with a wide variety of genres, especially as a proud otaku and essayist. I am currently a freelance writer and am at risk of losing my one source of income (it's with Game Rant, so I'm already barely making enough to pay for gas as is), it would be great to sustain myself with my skillset and continue to explore my passion for writing outside of work.
My minimum rate is $0.05 per word with a minimum of 200 words, and a flat rate of $45 every 1,000 words. If a piece exceeds 10,000 words, I would be more than happy to negotiate prices. I am comfortable with most topics from any genre, but I will not write scat, incest, anything involving minors, vore, vomit, fart, or urine. I also reserve the right to turn down anything I've forgotten to list. I specialize in OC x Canon, monsters, whump, fluff, and horror, but I can do almost anything! My greatest strength is my penchant for visceral language and imagery. NSFW with or without plot are fine, as well as canon characters and spinoff stories of existing franchises (i.e. Genshin, JJBA, JJK, Osomatsu-san, etc). Don't be shy about asking for any fandom-oriented works! I'll let you know if I'm able to give you a strong piece, but if anything, I will research on my own to provide an unparalleled fic tailored to your preferences.
My writing rate will also apply for roleplay and can be done through Discord, Telegram, Tumblr, or other venues. Please leave a comment or DM me for more information! We can communicate via DMs and move to email or other private platforms to discuss payment and any ideas you may have. Thank you for reading!
19 notes · View notes
gon-and-killuas-mother · 7 months ago
Note
hiya!! what kinda batfam recs are tou looking for??
hello!! i will admit i am weak for whump and anything similar. i usually include "good parent Bruce Wayne" bc i need a soft Bruce ok he's so important to me, even if there are many things deeply wrong with him HE LOVES HIS KIDS!!!
i love fics that put the Bats through physical and emotional wringers, near death experiences etc etc only for them to wake up with Bruce and fam passed out at their bedside. if i was a psych major i'd want to research why the fuck whump is such a prominent genre of fic, something about experiencing tender care through fiction correlating with emotional neglect?? something???
i ALSO love fics about Bruce adopting them early for whatever reason. the time travel ones are a hoot and a half. my favorite one so far is Wants and Needs (Well, Mostly Wants) by Rhiw. a two-year-old Tim experiencing a young, gentle and doting Bruce has come very close to curing my depression, and it's still in progress so hell yeah. gimme more Bruce with babies, the man might be a CEO/vigilante but he's MEANT to be a dad goddammit
i'm also very into Clark/Bruce, and Clark/Diana/Bruce. both World's Finest and Trinity are excellent relationships (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)
the only problem is that i'm running out of fics!! i knew this day would come, and although i'm still coming across new ones it's less and less frequent and i'm SAD about it. though maybe that also means i should spend less time reading fanfic... yeah
22 notes · View notes
tildeathiwillwrite · 9 months ago
Note
genuine qustion, bc i dont understand whump, why do you like it? whats the appeal? am i missing something?
I'm going to assume from the wording of this question that you already have an idea of what whump is, and you're asking why someone would want to read/write it, but if not here is a good post summarizing the genre.
This post is divided into two parts below the cut: the appeal of whump for me, and an explanation of why I like whump.
For me, personally, the appeal of whump comes from putting a character (whether that be an someone else's character, my original character, or a nameless whumpee) in Situations (with or without a whumper), and then having the difficult recovery or healing process (usually with a caretaker). Sometimes I deviate from this pattern, such as omitting the recovery, but that is usually my main focus.
A bit more emphasis on the comfort in hurt/comfort, but there's also hurt in the comfort.
My main love of whump stems from the tropes I enjoy:
Used as bait (where a whumpee is captured with the intent on using them to lure the caretaker into trying to rescue them in order to capture the caretaker too). I like this one because of the suspense of knowing it's a trap, and wondering if the caretaker will manage to rescue the whumpee, or get captured themselves.
Magic whump (whump but in the fantasy genre). This one gives more possibilities or twists on usual whump tropes by adding magic into the mix. Combined with my love for fantasy writing.
Captivity whump (a whumpee captured by a whumper, usually including various forms of torture). This trope is very versatile. Why were they captured? What does the whumper gain by torturing them? So many possibilities. Not to mention the rescue afterwards!
Sickfic (whumpee is sick, usually with a caretaker). Someone else mentioned this before, I don't remember who otherwise I would've linked them, but illness is something rarely seen in existing media. When a piece of media has whump, it's usually torture or a fight scene, but I've only ever seen sickness a handful of times. I like the idea of a character having all these cool abilities but still getting the common cold, especially when they have someone else to take care of them. Also it's easier to write from experience for this then, say, getting stabbed.
PTSD whump (when a character has trauma). This is more of a recovery trope. I hate it when a piece of media has a character go through an incredibly traumatizing event and then as soon as they're out, they're perfectly fine mentally. Let the character have ptsd, dammit! I don't really write this often, but when I do I love writing the nightmares in particular.
Immortal whump (with a character who, for whatever reason, cannot die). I love this one because it opens up even more possibilities for whumping. It usually depends on how the character's immortality works, but they can take a lot more damage than any other whumpee.
Realism in whump (realistic injuries, illness, and recovery). Really just a preference, as I'm studying in the medical field and already know a lot about how the human body works, so I use that knowledge and apply it to my writing. For example, fainting as portrayed in hollywood movies is a lot different from how fainting actually is. Involves a fair amount of research, but I personally think it's worth it.
(side note: I haven't really found any tropes which I strongly dislike, but out of personal preference I avoid smut and nsfw whump such as rape)
As to why I like whump? This was a tough question to answer, to properly articulate. It's fiction. And writing give me freedom to do pretty much anything to the characters and through the characters. I suppose whump is another way to exercise that creativity. "I know how the character reacts to this Situation, but what about this other Situation?"
I know some other writers use whump writing to work through their trauma, as catharsis. Props to them, but I don't write whump for that reason. I always liked putting my characters in Situations, and then a couple years ago discovered what whump was, went "that's a thing?!" and basically dove in head first.
The Tumblr whump community itself has also been very sweet and welcoming, I draw a lot of inspiration from the other writers, especially when I'm trying to figure out what to write next. I doubt I would still be writing whump if the community wasn't as welcoming, and I'm very glad it's not the case. If you go back in my archive, the first writing I started posting was whump. Nameless whump turned into oc whump, which turned into posting about my WIPs. So if the whump community gatekept me out, I probably wouldn't be posting any writing at all (and that's very sad to think about).
I hope this post was helpful to you! I can't speak for other members of the whump community, these opinions and motives are my own. If you have any more questions feel free to ask.
39 notes · View notes
writing-whump · 11 months ago
Text
Wip info: Shadow wolves
Tumblr media
Story tag: #werewolf wip
Genres: urban fantasy, hurt/comfort, bromance, romance
Whump: mainly sickfics, emeto, injuries, concussions, heart condition, stress sick, daily and magical whump
Setting: collage in Vienna, contemporary
Tropes: found family, pack life, 20+ characters navigating uni and work, first serious relationship, stoic older brother, estranged younger brothers, siblings, sfw
Tw: family trauma, family abuse in the past, graphic descriptions of illness (vomit + sometimes scat), self-destructive tendencies
Story: Follows the formation of the Sonder pack, consisting of stoic and perfectionalistic psychology wolf* student Isaiah, the exiled heir of the biggest pack in Western Europe, an independent, feisty witch* working in research and obsessed with writing named Seline and a grumpy, boxing-loving wolf with temper problems called Matthew. Important characters include Isaiah's jealous and competitive younger wolf brother Hector and their youngest mouthy human brother Arnie.
*they don't actually turn into wolves, they are just born with demonic like shadows in their souls that have wolf characteristics and temper and give them their supernatural strength and abilities
*witches are only born in werewolf families, and need contact to wolves to use their magic. Very elemental, songs, writing and dancing oriented
26 notes · View notes
crustose · 1 year ago
Text
Izzy Hands little-known fic rec list
I've never made a fic rec list but as a connoisseur of the genre, I'd like to offer some fics that deserve far more recognition.
I've added tumblr urls when I can find them--if you know any i've missed, let me know!
bet you say that to all the boys - Blank_Letter_Distribution - 6.2k
Izzy's a werewolf who believes he's a ferocious creature who needs to be locked away every full moon. Roach discovers that this is not the case.
Rizzy. This fic was my introduction to werewolf izzy, and is the most tender rendition of it that i've read.
The EMP goes off with an understated pop followed by a brief and nearly-imperceptible whine, but the effect is instantaneous. The two security drones hit the ground, and so does Izzy.
Titanium Ribs and a Carbon Heart - Light_In_Shadows - 16.8k
Ed's boots ring out against the floor panels as he throws himself down the corridor at a dead sprint. Get up, he silently demands, as the poorly-recycled air burns in his lungs. Fucking get up! But Izzy remains an unmoving black shape crumpled on the grating.
Steddyhands. Amazingly well-researched fic about space pirates, featuring AI Izzy. I think about the last paragraph SO often.
Roach wakes up in Izzy's body, with all his chronic pain and the past injuries he usually hides. Izzy wakes up in Roach's body, and discovers memories written into his bones that even having his consciousness swapped out will not erase.
The Body Remembers - Bongbingbong - 3.5k
Rizzy. Bongbingbong has written a lot of my favorite Izzy fics, but this one is especially great. It's a short read, and I've come back to it many times.
Israel Hands Must Die - @doctors-star - 26.1k
Izzy Hands is not having a very good day. This is an understatement, and also a shame, as it will be the last one he ever has.
No ship. This has to be my favorite timeloop fic-- watching Izzy become progressively more hopeless, and yet, against all odds, trying again. Healthy dose of Izzy whump and sweet and genuine stizzy friendship.
After Ed, grieving and angry, banishes Izzy from the Revenge, there's only one thing Izzy can think of doing to earn his forgiveness. Unfortunately, it's going to involve spending a lot of time with Stede fuckin' Bonnet.
the humble as the proudest sail - @glitterarygetsit - 52.5k (in progress)
Steddyhands. A Hanahaki rendition that's so fun (hanahaki: fun? I know, just trust me). It's how I imagine the s2 stizzy training era will go (steddyhands & hanahaki are real To ME)
It’s Enough to Make a Grown Man Cry - CananPoilot - 2.8k
Stede and the crew learn more about Izzy’s late husband, Sam Bellamy.
(former) Bellhands. When I was deep in the bellhands trenches I would regularly read this and SOB. I'm a little bit scared to reread it for fear of sobbing, even now.
59 notes · View notes
bnnuy-wabbit · 1 year ago
Text
Cunospig -> bnnuywabbit
Name's Lago. I'm 22.
My art tag is #feral art tag
My asks and messages are disabled due to spam. If you want to contact me you can send me asks in any of my other blogs (Like @marmenlade, that's my OC/aes blog), send a submission and pretend it's an ask, tag me anywhere and/or comment on any of my posts INCLUDING THIS ONE, call my actual real phone number in real life, scream my name really loud or even reach to me through the ether. Seriously. Feel free to talk to me if you so happen inhabit a human shaped shell at this moment in time.
I'm prone to note spamming mutuals btw! I personally love being note spammed. It's a love language. To me.
If you happened to stumble upon this blog, you Must Know that I'm obsessed with many things like Sandman as of writing this post!
I'm Brazilian. As in from Brazil. As in Born There and Living There till my eventual demise, possibly. If you also happen to be one of those or adjacent, feel free to hit me up. É nois 🤙
I treat my blog as an open diary. There'll be cool things about my life and things in excited abou t and things that make me upset and general life shit. I also talk a lot about my little brothers endeavors because i love him and he's my little creature. If any of this or the stuff i blog about bothers you, i recommend not following. Also this blog contains adult stuff because im an adult, so follow at your own risk and/or pleasure! I think you should be in control of what you use your eyes to look at. I ain't a cop.
More info under readmore!! But only if you feel like it.
Other than the aforementioned, i have Many other interests that Can and WILL show up here, like:
My OCs and worldbuilding
Portal
Half life and hlvrai
Disco Elysium
Stranger Things
Homestuck
Whump stuff
FNAF
Literally whatever show and game im currently watching or playing.
SO, so many bands
I'm VERY into music. My favorite genres are 00s pop, industrial, heavy metal when it's a joke, classic rock, synthpop and mpb. I love learning more about music and getting to know new music genres. Autism list moments. Feel free to throw some at me!
Random info: I use emojis and smileys unironically. I just love to pepper my texts with some emotion here and there. I promise there's no sarcasm associated to my emojis and smileys. If i send i smiling smiley i Mean It. I also add !!!! To them if I'm particularly excited. Tone tags are confusing to me, I don't use them.
Regarding The Me: I'm queer and weird about it! My gender is completely none of my business. Also I'm an Artist and creator at heart, so i draw a lot, i like sculpting things with clay and foam, i love doing collages, i like playing my guitar and sometimes i write fucked up things for fun because it's Fun, tho i wouldn't call myself a writer. I'm diagnosed audhd. I'm weird and not in a cutesy way sometimes, but at least I'm funny about it i think!
I'm uhhhh a med student with a background in AG/rural sciences (vetmed + fishing) which ig is kinda funny. The funniest thing about me is I'm an honest to god fishing technician. I have a fucking diploma in fishing. I have no idea how or why, it still baffles me to this day that i made it through fishing school!! I have plenty thoughts on the ag/fishing field as a whole and a bit of experience with Some Things. I've worked in a few labs and written and published a few papers and I've wanted to be a Real Scientist when i grew up since i was a kid :) I don't know what I want to be when I grow up now. Maybe work in emergency services or something. Or maybe. Perhaps do something research related. I am Nosey.
I'm surprisingly a bit shy, even though nobody believes me when i say it! I'm getting over it, though. Please feel free to send an message somewhere asking for my discord if you'd like to chat. My messages are off for nonmutuals because I'm tired of getting spambots and my asks also. But i post a lot. Seriously just respond and go like 'oh hey can i DM you' and I will DM YOU. One thing i MUST state upfront if you'd like to talk to me and be friends: I'm trying to get better at talking to people. I'm soooo not very good at it. Don't blame yourself if our conversations fall flat. Talking and initiating conversations with people is Hard, but I'm alright at keeping conversations going if you tell me about your likes and dislikes or if you wanna do small talk! My cheat sheet is: Talk to me about your favorite weather, your timezone, what you like learning more about, about your country and culture or your favorite types of music and your favorite bands! Tell me about yourself, please!!! ALSO. Talk to me about fandom. Feel free to complain about petty things, I do enjoy a good complaint. And passionate rants. I'm told i can be cool to talk to if we get to know each other, I'm told I'm a very trusting, agreeable and judgementless individual. I like to believe that is true. To be fair, I'm eager to make new friends and learn more about people and we'll surely bond over something, I'm absolutely sure 🥰.
I have a lot of blogs. Like a LOT. I'm not going to link them all here, but they ARE linked to my main somewhere. Probably. Have fun collecting them all or something. It's wayyyyyy too many.
Here's my favorite one: @marmenlade
I think that's about it.
Updated: 7.jan.25
21 notes · View notes
callaei-researches · 1 year ago
Text
Summary of results - Intercultural and cross-linguistic perspectives on the whump genre
Here is a summary of the results from the research thesis, "Intercultural and cross-linguistic perspectives on the whump genre"! This was part of my studying a Master of Contemporary International Studies. The research aimed to explore how whump-interested people connect with the whump genre cross-culturally and cross-linguistically.
Back in June/July this year (2023), I sent out a questionnaire open to any whump-interested person, and also invited interviews for bilingual whump-interested people. I've finally finished my thesis, and overall was awarded an A- for it!
The full thesis is available now to read on Academia.edu, and will also be available on IPU New Zealand's library website in January 2024.
The research isn't available on Academia.edu or IPU New Zealand library website anymore, however you can access it via Google Drive here!
Tumblr media
This research was approved for Human Research Ethics Clearance by the IPU New Zealand Research and Development Commitee on 3rd May 2023 (HREC-2023-05-03-01).
----
(NB: Due to there being an extensive amount of results, I've only summarised the key findings of the results section and a brief conclusion here. I've referenced page numbers for the full thesis if you'd like to read the extended version.)
-----
Summary of results (Questionnaire)
233 respondents | 92 different cultural/faith-based identities
The questionnaire was used to answer Research Question 1, "How do the aspects of Hofstede’s cultural dimensions and Schwartz’ universal human values reflect in the characteristics of whump genre identity?"
The questionnaire explored four themes associated with whump genre concepts - “agency,” “comfort,” “stoicism,” and “knowledge” - and found (p. 87):
For the theme of “agency,” questionnaire participants tended to perceive a greater importance for agency for the caretaker and whumper roles. This may be related to the caretaker and whumper role characters’ abilities to carry out their roles of caretaking and whumping respectively. While the cultural dimensions did not appear to be factors inherent to the theme of agency for the whumpee role in a whump genre story, this appeared to work towards supporting the cross-cultural enjoyment of whump. For the theme of “comfort,” hurt comfort, physical comfort and long-term recovery may be more accommodating of cultural dimension dynamics and have a greater capacity to fully realise the goals of Schwartz’ values. For the theme of “stoicism,” the way in which these dimensions can so diversely be applied to this theme suggests a cross-culturally applicable ground. For the theme of “knowledge,” the balance between the certainty of a known whumpee and the uncertainty of an unknown whumper indicate variable tolerance of ambiguity within the whump genre. This suggests a cross-culturally applicable ground.
The full results section for the questionnaire can be read in the full thesis (pp. 61-87).
-----
Summary of results (Interview)
31 interviewees (15 spoken, 16 written) | 24 different languages
The interview was used to answer Research Question 2, "How do bilingual whump-interested people perceive the ability to convey themes of hurt comfort (a subgenre of whump) in different languages?"
The interview questions were categorised into themes:
Theme 1: Preferences for language when interacting with fiction
Theme 2: Comparisons of different languages’ abilities to convey physical and emotional pain
Theme 3: Limitations or difficulties experienced when conveying whump in, and across, different languages
Theme 4: Cultural, social, and/or linguistic reasons influencing pronunciation of “whump”
Following transcription of the interviews, a thematic analysis involving examining code co-occurences found (p. 123):
For “Theme 1: Preferences for language when interacting with fiction,” preferences tended to be associated with the availability of media, the ability to connect with the author’s intended meaning, and the level of ease and comfort with which interviewees could engage with the fictional media. For “Theme 2: Comparisons of different languages’ abilities to convey physical and emotional pain,” interviewees’ comparisons highlighted differing ways of presenting and conveying pain in language, for example, through language features and words. Overall, interviewees felt that the languages which they were fluent in were generally equally capable of conveying physical and emotional pain, although different languages tended to approach the communicating of pain in different ways. For “Theme 3: Limitations or difficulties experienced when conveying whump in, and across, different languages,” the perceived limitations and difficulties experienced across languages tended to be associated with difficulties in conveying semantic, pragmatic and cultural meaning across languages, and tended to stem from the differences between sociolinguistic approaches to communicating ideas in languages. For “Theme 4: Cultural, social, and/or linguistic reasons influencing pronunciation of “whump,” common cultural, social and linguistic reasons for interviewees’ pronunciations of “whump” included how interviewees expected the word to sound based on their expectations of the letters in the phonological environment, the impact of a lack of having heard the word spoken aloud, sociocultural influences, intuition and language education.
The full results section for the interview can be read in the full thesis (pp. 61-87). Interview transcripts (sensitive details filtered out) can be read in Appendix H (pp. 177-399).
-----
Conclusions (brief exerpt from p. 130)
Research Question 1 explored cross-culturally applicable aspects of the whump genre. The findings suggested that themes of the whump genre accommodate variations in cultural social orientations and values, thereby enabling an interculturally common ground among whump-interested people.
Using qualitative research (interview), Research Question 2 explored how bilingual whump-interested people perceive and connect with hurt comfort themes across different languages. The findings suggest that multiple factors contribute to how bilingual whump-interested people engage with the whump genre, including but not limited to first and second languages as a tool to experience closely or otherwise distance the subject with, the availability of whump media in different languages, and manner of conveying aspects of pain and comfort through lexical, phonetic, grammatical and cultural aspects of language.
----
Thank you to everyone who participated in the research - the questionnaire and/or the interview! Your voices are all important in this kind of research, and are all very much appreciated!
233 notes · View notes
ceph-the-ghost-writer · 2 years ago
Text
Tumblr media
Writeblr Summoning Circle Intro
Patreon (you can join for free btw)
Ao3
Taglist sign-up
Hello and welcome to my shrine place of power writing blog. I'm Ceph, they/them, and despite the ghostly username I am, in fact, a regular human adult with a job, college homework, skin, blood, etc. Video games, houseplants, and buying books faster than I read them are just a few of my hobbies.
I write different flavors of fantasy mostly, with sprinkles of horror and romance/spice thrown in for pizzazz. If you're interested in...
Vampires, werecreatures, necromancers, merfolk, and/or passive-aggressive poltergeists
Resourceful protagonists in terrible peril who sometimes make choices that change things forever, for better or worse
Lovers becoming enemies becoming forced allies and maybe more in some cases
Themes of solidarity, the myriad facets of love, and people fighting for a better future
Slow burns
Worldbuilding that I definitely don't make up on the fly
Mortals becoming deities and vice versa
Telepathic monsters that could devour your soul -OR- become your best friend
Liminal spaces like roadside diners at 3 a.m
...you might find my WIPs tolerable. Possibly even fun.
Follow my sideblogs @dysthanasia-series and/or @the-primrose-path-story to get notifications for new chapters and other neat story-related stuff. Check out @coven-archives to see what I'm reblogging from fellow writers. Or just ask to be put on a taglist for a WIP you're interested in.
I welcome asks, prompts, writblr events (Worldbuilding Wednesday, etc.), and any interactions that lead to transmutating Internet strangers into friends. Do tell me about your characters and lore. I want to devour know all of it. Yes, even the obscure facts that never really make it into the story despite hours of research poured into them. Especially those.
That's pretty much it. Feel free to reblog or like this post or invite me into an object you own at the stroke of midnight if you want me to give a follow.
Tumblr media
Below the cut you'll find a list of WIPs and links to read them which will increase my power every time you click one. Content advisories are at the top of each work and chapter.
Tumblr media
Apophenia
Genre(s): Urban/Paranormal fantasy, vampires, post-apocalyptic
Status: Redraft in progress
Mermaids don't exist. Every agent of the Coven, the organization that researches and governs the supernatural community, knows that. Accepting a classified assignment to investigate sightings along the Broken Coast is just an easy paycheck as far as Isaac Soto is concerned (not to mention another way to avoid dealing with his trauma and relationship issues).
A chance meeting with a charming stranger in a roadside diner changes not only the course of Isaac's assignment but the trajectory of his life. A life now in danger of being cut short unless he figures out how to escape the bloodborn who takes him hostage, a necromancer out to kill both of them, and the corruption at the heart of the organization he thought he believed in.
Tumblr media
The Primrose Path
Genre(s): High fantasy, romance/erotica
Status: Rough draft in progress
When his village is taken captive by an enemy nation, Illuminator Ân's priority is to make sure his people survive to fight another day. Faced with everything he's stood against as a priest of Cyanos, god of light and life, Ân prays for the strength to overcome and do what he must. It's not long before he receives signs that his petitions have been heard. Just not by the deity he serves.
Tumblr media
Beyond & Between
Genre(s): High fantasy, portal fantasy, whump
Status: Occasional, out-of-order updates
Sail beyond where the seas turn red, until the sky is filled with unfamiliar stars, to the lands between realities. Magic and the power to leave one's old life behind awaits for those brave enough to seek it.
Beyond & Between is a collection of stories set in the strange places settled by ancient people, deities, and creatures from Earth who fell through the cracks.
Tumblr media
Whumptober 2022
Each prompt followed by the story series it's set in and the MC. Content guidelines at the start of each story.
63 notes · View notes
practically-an-x-man · 4 months ago
Note
Talk Shop Tuesday for how you approach whump in your writing?
Ooooooh, good question! Thank you!
Talk Shop Tuesday
The first part of my answer is going to be that I've been interested in anatomy and biology since I was a very young child. I mean, for a while my favorite book at my grandma's house was a kid's anatomical encyclopedia! Not to mention, I was a forensic anthropology major before I dropped out of college. It's genuinely fascinating to me.
So a lot of my whump fics play off of that - anatomy, medicine, forensics, et cetera. That's kind of where I anchor my writing when it comes to whump. As soon as I know what I'm going to try and convey (such as the severe hypothermia in Deep Freeze), I do a bit more research to brush up and take note of certain symptoms or effects that I might be able to use in my writing. I may take certain liberties here or there, especially when it comes to superpowered characters who may not have an "ordinary human" reaction to the stressor, but I feel like basing it in that genuine reality and anatomy as much as possible makes for a more compelling piece.
The other thing I need to remember is that I have a much higher tolerance for gore and other dark subjects than most people might. I've got that interest in anatomy and forensics, I read a lot of horror books and watch a lot of horror films, I work in special effects and have to research a lot of gruesome injuries for that, and all of that means that I'm fairly desensitized to those touchy subjects. I just... don't get grossed-out the way other people might. And while I do try to convey any darker subjects in my writing in the most respectful, grounded light I can, I struggle with knowing how much I can really write about them before it becomes a trigger for someone (yes, I tag my fics thoroughly, but it's still a worry of mine).
So the second thing I try to think about, once I've decided what I'm basing the fic around, is how to find that balance between "this is compelling whump and I enjoy it" versus "this is torture porn and it's too much" - which is funny, because I only ever watch "torture porn" movies (like Hostel or the later SAW movies) when I'm curious about the special effects, I'm not really compelled by it as a genre.
I just don't know, in the general fanfiction climate, how my heavily horror-inspired whump might stack up against what others might want to read. I'm sure that logically there's a lot of overlap in those communities, and I know that properly tagging my fics is really the important thank and I can write whatever I want when it comes down to it, but it's tough to determine where those lines fall when I'm just posting these works to a faceless audience on the other side of a computer screen.
I guess I would say, as a whole, whump comes fairly easily to me as a subject because of my combined interests in anatomy/forensics and the macabre. Once I've got a good prompt or concept, it's pretty easy for me just to let things flow and I generally don't need to do much deep planning. The main struggle is just finding that point of temperance, where it can be a enjoyably-dark fic without just being needlessly graphic.
It's like... taking a literary biopsy - you're slicing up these characters in the hopes that you find something interesting, and sometimes you might not find as much as you hope, but there's a purpose behind whatever pain you might cause. Not every whump fic has to involve character development, but I do think they're much more compelling when you can dig into the introspection and understand the characters rather than just torturing them for the sake of grossing out your readers.
4 notes · View notes
letstalkwhump · 2 years ago
Text
Let's Talk Whump!
Welcome to Let’s Talk Whump, a series of interviews that spotlight the amazing people in our whump community! I’m Malice and I’ll be your host today. 
Here with us today is the fabulous @angstafterdark !
Hello! Good to have you here! How about we start off with a fact or three about yourself?
Oh man, hello. If we're not talking about whump, I'm really bad at talking about myself. It's not that I'm boring, I'm just shy and awkward. I'll do my best though! 
My name is Vee or V or ✌🏿. My favorite color is red. I love emojis even though I'm still trying to figure out what half of them mean. I'm very passionate about getting more POC and well written women into the media I read and write in. I firmly believe everyone wins when there's more diversity! 
What does whump mean to you? 
Catharsis, a healthy way to get the pain in your brain out so you're not harming yourself or others. For me, whump isn't the only thing I look for, I like a little plot with my pain. Whump and all its tropes and genres are seasoning to great storytelling! 
And how did you find the whump community? 
I stumbled into the community completely by accident and during a pretty rough period in my life. I started out in writeblr and somehow found @sweetwhumphellacomf's Prince and Paladin series with Eos and Valerie and it just hit everything I loved about storytelling! Dex is a fantastic writer and that series will always have a special place in my heart. So after I read it, I started reading more, got hooked into a discord server, started to actually interact with Dex and other whump writers, started writing my own stuff and went from there!   
Do you feel like your view on whump has changed since you joined?
It's definitely changed! I've gone in a different direction with my writing and become a lot more open to certain tropes and people I once thought were weird or taboo. I think, personally, that's helped me grow as an author. I've had to do research to write some topics with sensitivity and care and that, in turn, has led me to other blogs and people I have the pleasure of calling friends! 
And now my favorite question to ask! Do you have a favourite whump trope?
Whipping, Bedside Vigils, Creepy Comfort, Captivity, Whump Emotional/Psychological Whump, Sickfics/Fevers. I've really been into the BBU (box boy universe) lately. As someone who loves engaging with others about OCs and writing stuff, my favorite thing about it is its collaborative nature. It's so fun and contrary to popular belief, people are very aware and sensitive about the triggering tropes and topics that are often explored in that sandbox. There's also the ability to explore the real world struggles of POC communities, minorities, and other vulnerable populations and thats something I’m really passionate about. 
The BBU universe is amazing with its sandbox structure and I think a lot of the whump community has really connected through BBU’s shared universe. Do you have a favourite piece you've written? 
I have two blogs so I'll link two if that's alright! I love this one! Taron and Zizi were my first whumpees. They hold such a special place in my heart. And this one! (slight nsfw)! Wick's fear here was so fun to write and so palpable. 
I love Taron’s distress and internal conflict in the first one. So good! Do you have a regular writing routine or just whenever the inspo strikes?
Oh gosh. I have a kid, a fulltime job, and a pretty busy life so getting writing done is kind of hard. I try to take Mondays off from parenting and working and I usually find myself at Panera Bread for a few hours. I really like sitting in one corner of the place. I’ll usually put on my wireless headphones and put one song on repeat. The song depends on which story or character I’m writing for.
I do like having a snack when I'm writing but sometimes I get into the zone and completely forget about what I'm eating. It's a problem!  
And do you find it easier to write some things than others?
Comfort is really easy for me to write. I don't write it a lot but when I do, it flows really easily. I love a good comfort fic but I usually slip in a bit of angst. I gotta have my angst. 
Take us behind the curtain, is there anything new you’re working on at the moment?
I have several stories in the works but I'm currently working on the escape portion of LIKE A BULLET LOVES A GUN. Someone dies and that's all I'm gonna say about that. 
I've also taken up drawing again. It's not great and I hate not being immediately good at something but I'm trying to stick with it! 
Do you have a joke or pun you would like to share to spread some smiles today?
I usually save my witty lines for my writing. I’m not great at being funny when I’m under pressure. Sorry. 
Advice time! What would you like to share?
Yeah! I have two pieces of advice!
The first: Have a writing buddy! Write with someone you trust who is going to be supportive of you and excited about what you're doing. The second: no matter how discouraged you get, NEVER DELETE YOUR WRITING OR YOUR BLOG! Be your own fan first. Reread your own writing (you write it for a reason. It made you happy). There's absolutely NO shame in reblogging your own work and screaming in the tags. It's not annoying and it's not egotistical.
Finally let’s shout out your favorite writing/whump blogs, bffs or people who've inspired you. We're hyping everyone up here!
Oh God. There are so many! Whether it's screaming in the tags of my writing, giving me space on discord to be my sometimes messy self, collaborating with me, or just being a sweet, positive force in the community, I'm genuinely grateful for each and every one of these blogs. 
@mottinthemainpot (who nominated me) @wildfaewhump @flowersarefreetherapy @siren-of-agony @ashintheairlikesnow @justplainwhump  @noirineverysense @just-horrible-things @gritpyre @winedark-whump  @studyofwhump @clockworknightmares @redwingedwhump @amethystpath-writes @gottawhump @girlsjustwannadrawwhump and @oddsconvert 
I also gotta shout out a few of the discord servers I’m a part of so shout out to the whumpawoman server, especially to @whumpstash and @mirasmirages who are the most amazing and supportive co-mods! 
Shout out to The Whump Oasis and every one in there as well! 
Anything you'd like to add?
Yes, thank you. albino-whumpee would’ve been on that list of whump blogs that I’m grateful for. I'm still so grateful for the conversations we had and their beautiful commissioned artwork. I hope wherever they've ended up, they're happy and pain-free. Please consider visiting the memorial @whumptr0pes put up for Moya and donating to The Trevor Project in their memory. 
Oftentimes when we're writing whump, we’re dealing with our own traumas and insecurities. It's cliche to say but you never know what someone is going through so kindness and understanding always has to be a priority even if - especially if - someone is writing about a topic you don't personally enjoy or can't engage with for whatever reason. 
We all write and enjoy topics that can trigger someone else and it's important for us as a community to support each other. Please, please, please don't hesitate to reach out. There is always someone in your corner. 
(Note: This topic may still be extremely fresh for some folks and it can be extremely triggering, but we here at Let's Talk Whump want to make it known that we are all a big family (the whump community). No matter what differences we may have, no one should ever feel alone. That being said, if any of you are struggling at home, feel lost, hurting, and don't know where to reach out, attached is a website that has international suicide hotline numbers and resources available from countries A-Z.
https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/ )
Thank you so much for sharing, @angstafterdark. It was so good to have you here today! 
And to all you folks at home, have a whump-derful day!
* @angstafterdark is an 18+ blog only. Minors please do not interact with their works or with their blog. 
60 notes · View notes
prpfz · 14 days ago
Note
⚠️🪖 MxM OCxOC rp search! dead dove/nsfw themes 18+ only, 21+ preferred (i'm 22enby myself)
what i look for in a writing buddy: 3rd person, past or present tense writing, semi to advanced lit / lazy lit, decently active (a few replies per week minimum, but ik life gets in the way). i'd love a partner who's chatty ooc, bc i'm the same way. celeb/actor FCs only for this! and please, only bring me your fairly masculine muses pls </3 i'm tired of writing against twinks </3
what you can expect from me: i write in third person, past and/or present tense, semi to advanced lit / lazy lit. i work long weeks, but i'm generally pretty active. i love making pinterest boards, talking about our characters, etc etc! i try to be very open w communication, whether its life in the way or just burnout.
note: i write switches exclusively when it comes to nsfw. i am currently only looking to write against dominant or switch/dom characters.
onto the vague idea!
i'm currently looking for something in a military/war setting- ideally somewhat historical. mind you, idk jack shit about the military, or history for that matter, so i don't expect crazy knowledge from you either- i plan on researching as i go. but anywho, what i would like for this is a prisoner of war scenario, with m/c being the prisoner. something about that dynamic is speaking to me rn. the meaner and nastier your fella is, the better. i want this to be dead dove heavy, but not necessarily heavy on smut (plot genre dependant). i like a good amount of smut, but i'm more interested in this from a psychological/physical whump perspective. if we get a fucked up romance out of it, that's cool. if m/c eventually escapes and finds romance with another character, that's rad too. give me angst, give me trauma, give me whump and despair and eventual healing!
like this and i'll reach out >:)
Leave a like, and anon will get back to you!
4 notes · View notes