#whos getting lucky tonight?
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long time no dnd dump
#dnd art#dnd#dnd oc#dnd half orc#ocs#dnd warlock#viktor#nikya#amira#the last image actually happened btw and yes he got lucky#except that they most likely stole money from him in his sleep and i won't know till next session which is like 2 weeks from now#i made an off hand joke like can i roll to see if viktor gets laid tonight#and the dm who is so good at coming up with stuff on the spot#did this whole scene with these 2 ladies where they were getting viktor to order them the most expensive shit there and then the ginger elf#gulped some up into her mouth and passed it to viktor with a kiss and then he had to pass it to the other one#and i had to roll but i made it thank god#shit had me actually nervous.#also the shadow devil is his patron who viktor imprinted on in place of a real father#art#mine#fanart#at least he finally got over his crush on the centaur when she was flirting with the fucking air elemental barkeep and his 12 ft tall demon#chef boyfriend#dungeons and dragons
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once again TROUBLED by how good my game is when flirting with my best friend, imagine if i actually used that with people im trynna pull
#shut up dave#the obvious point-out is. there ARE no ppl im trying to pull. if there were i might employ such skills#though what makes it so easy w riv is that we do think the other is hot but have no interest in hookin up. and also we know each other v we#so it doesnt mean anything when i push them against a wall like 'do you wanna find out' when they say that#'i have the vibes of those ppl who act like theyre vanilla but are super kinky' or whatever. bc its FUNNY#'do i look like i eat the souls of children for breakfast?' u look like u eat lucky charms cereal#cause girl your looks have charmed me and im hoping to get lucky tonight..............#tbf i flirt like that w dawn too so ig that means i can v much do it w ppl i AM interested in too <3#however here i get the debuff of no bilingualism. literally halving my potential :/// dawn u need to learn romanian. please.#JUST so i can throw more awful pick up lines at u <33
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the downside to being a sitcom neighbour sort of person is that when rough things happen and emotionally fuck u up a lil bit, it also sounds completely made up
#bert's dead dad tag#found out today the way my dad told mom he wanted a divorce?#he wrote her a letter and left it on the dining room table for her to find on the morning of her fortieth birthday#who the fuck does that dead father#like that is the sort of thing i would entirely make up if i needed everyone at the table to fuckin hate an npc#and at least one person would go 'you're laying it on a little bit heavy'#i know he did work to become a better person as he got older#which is good because BOY howdy was that man a piece of shit in the early 90s#and we are having Complicated feelings about it tonight and also for the last nine months#something something when i was writing his eulogy i came across an old article discussing something he did in the 90s#YDIP (your dad is problematic)#like yeah this is the sort of thing that would have been vaguely acceptable in the cultural context#but like. still objectively bad. potentially ruining several lives sort of bad.#learned this and then wrote the rest of his eulogy about how he was a great guy and how i'm lucky to have been his son#(which was rough enough on its own because i've never said 'i'm [dad's name]'s son' as many times as i did that trip home)#but like what else do you do? i sent off a message looking for more information#and that information if it comes is just gonna sit with me i guess#sure as hell not telling my sister and this whole thing i've been getting through without really having anyone here for me to talk to#(hence the big fuckoff tag rant. your problem now losers who like clicking the read more button)#so even if i get all the answers i want about this one thing it's not gonna do any good except putting an end to one question#but part of having a dead dad who's been out of the business of forming new memories since you came out is having more questions#answering this one's just gonna add even more questions to the pile#but. got fuckall else to do
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like. i was for real Chilling today and then i said like 2 incorrect things in relative confidence and my brain said well ok [opens The Wretched Jar] .
#tw vent#rational knowledge says i should seek some kind of help for my recurring desire for self-punishment. However#i could also just Thug It Out (bottle it up until i relapse Agai#tw self harm#for that last thing i said#im lucky bc my Parentd are Home tonight. i cant sh bc i cant get bandaids without them finding out#anf what. im just gonna sh with no bandaids? i dont want SEPSIS.#if I'm lucky nobody who gaf about me will read this far into thr tags. if you did Hi . dont be worried
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I've had a lot of really lovely experiences in this fandom, but I do think one of my favorites has been the amount of people who used to dislike or be ambivalent toward Beje, but who are now quite fond of him just because they've enjoyed spending a lot of time with me. Every time someone tells me that, I know I've got to be doing something right, at least
#legitimately the point of this post is me just musing on how lucky i've gotten with quite a number of my friends#so so so many people willing to play dolls with me and listen to me muse about things and hear how passionate i am#even if they weren't at first necessarily sure about the guy i might ask if i can talk about sometimes#and fuck but i love getting to do that with them too and hear about their favorites and why they write them the way they do#so many characters i wouldn't have cared about nearly as much as i do if we hadn't all jumped in a sandbox together#i still feel like i am very clumsy with making friends and keeping them but moments like that make me feel like i must be getting better#the way i tried to post this but had to listen to the anxiety and go 'no this isn't a post saying that if you don't like him you're wrong'#'or that i think i'm better than anybody because i'm absolutely fucking not'#i promise i am just. really feeling lucky tonight and tender about people who hung in there with me even during really low moments#my ramblings
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have officially heard my each of my favorite songs from my top 3 fav bands all this year alone <3 magical as fuck thing to have happen to god <3
#saw misterwives (third fav band) live tonight and heard my fav song by them (whywhywhy) which completed the trifecta :3#bc ofc earlier this year. the most magical best moment of my entire life happened. when i heard tkaa live and then when i saw paramore they#played last hope which is my fav by them so like literally. literally idk is karma real and im getting good karma does the universe love me#am i just very lucky who's to say but im very happy <333 i love u music forever and ever my one true love my best friend in the world#and now i will go pass the fuck out bc standing room only shows are SOOO hard on my disabled ass body KFJNDK goodnight :3#txt
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i’m so miserable
#the fact that i masked the most consistantly out of my family both then and now (when covid spread around my family)#and i’m the only one who fucking got long covid from it#i’m still so upset. it isn’t fucking fair. i do the most to protect myself and others and i get fucked over for the rest of my life#i get several nights a week where i cant fall asleep before 5-6am if im fucking lucky because i simply cannot breathe laying down#i mean i cant the rest of the week either it just is worse some nights#literally feeling at the end of my rope tonight becayse theres still no leads towards getting better after nearly 2 years
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I wiped out so hard tonight my KNEES
#I fell over. so many times. including two of the worst falls I’ve had in a WHILE#god the first one literally like minute and a half on the ice i lose a foot under me and do the splits. crash into the barriers#I am notably Not flexible I cannot do the splits. I don’t know how I kept skating afterwards#the worst fall I have ever had however was right at the end and the thing that made me get off#we were playing a thing and both me and this other guy we’re trying to catch this girl who turned out to be Also going very fast#three way collision all falling forwards on top of each other#we SLID there were BLADES BY MY HEAD im lucky im short im amazed nobody got actually hurt#except like. my knees which are now staging a coup I rlly should ice them but I don’t have ice and I just wanna sleep#but GOD tonight was a mixed bag#i have acquired the instagram and will probably get him on committee if he sends me the thing#also slowly thinking hrm yeah he’s probably straight#anyway good news: i think we’re pretty solidly friends now. bad news: prooobably regrettably heterosexual#idk straight guys shouldn’t be allowed to be cute and funny and good at skating it’s not fair#aaaanyway. it’s my own fault bc I meet most new people through hockey now and this sport is pretty notoriously not queer#it’s a little different here but the people who end up Good are largely not yknow. and I am unfortunately into guys who can skate#also they end up being the people I actually get to talk to with what I do. dumb as hell. they should invent gay hockey players#anyway my assessment is still vibes based there’s time for me to be proven wrong but we will see. it’d be funny if he was queer after this#will think abt texting him on a day that isn’t tomorrow bc tomorrow’s gonna be too much and I would like to have some time to chill sometime#anyway this is my periodic reminder to myself that I’m literally just Allowed to have feelings. fucked up that it’s true#but like it’s just. allowed. and it’s not even that I’m dumb or have bad taste or smth like that and over like what.#almost two years? there have been 5 guys total. mr prick who WAS queer unfortunately. and while the other four did turn out to be straight#that was due to 1. guy literally had rainbow fucking stick tape and Everyone thought he was gay. also I was just kinda fucking around there#2. talked to him like three times before asking him out. agrees to dinner bc he thinks it’s funny. 3. many signals bc bunch of queer friends#still unconfirmed but be does have a girlfriend ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 4. okay maybe I should know better by now but he’s cute okay I’m allowed to hope#it’s not even like I’ve DONE anything other than talk to him dude you’re fine you’re allowed to feel things#aaaanyway. bed now. eepy. will talk to him later. he complimented my hair okay I’m done now going to sleep#very sorry to anyone who reads these tags for just going on abt this guy but also no I’m not scroll down#luke.txt
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Not my half-brother "I've got a passenger so don't say anything about your mutant turtles you don't want them to know" like SIR THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT MUTANT TURTLES I DON'T WANT THEM TO KNOW
#I think this is the first sign for half brother that I don't act different around people intentionally#and my rants will not be restrained no matter who I'm with#he was lucky to get the 1 Day Free Pass of no weirdness lol#also he made me cry tonight so /pos
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you're in his dms im in the omar apollo london show waiting list we are NOT the same
#this video i saw of a girl who was like im going to see beyonce tonight i dont have tickets but im a lucky girl#and she got tickets like less than an hour before she went to the stadium LMAOOO thats gonna be me with omar#its surprisingly cheap to get to london though.....i will remember this#literally cheaper than going to manchester i just dont like london theoretically
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"...as we danced in the night, remember
how the stars stole the night away..."
It's their dayyyyyy. Whether they know it or not, this song started it all for them. And I so wanted to have something proper to celebrate such a momentous occasion (at least for me anyway, especially since I also missed out on doing anything for it last year, and because, as you know, I'll take any opportunity possible to fangirl/obsess over our characters lol). But, because of uni, I'm nowhere near done with the next chapter of TMM yet. So instead, you'll just have to enjoy a little moodboard, and a snippet/sneak peak of their next conversation - with the moodboard featuring some rather fitting quotes from Stranger Things' very own Murray Bauman, who, I think, Miles and Carrie could really do with a visit from if my recent rewatch is anything to go by... Too bad he has no place in my plot outline lmao. Oops!
"Oh come on, you teed that one up for me." "Get to work, pretty boy... And work that blue shirt for some tips." "You're delusional." "I'm telling you, one wink from you, in that shirt, with that hair, and the juniors will be weak at the knees. I know I am."
#this is so lame but I couldn't not celebrate#they're my babiessss#and this is so 'their song' in the TMM universe#as unlikely as it may be for them to get married one day...#if they were to be so lucky - I'd like to think that they'd have their wedding on September 21st#to honour that moment they first had a real sort of 'spark'#you know?#omg that's so cheesy. who even am i???#I'm rambling because I'm tired but I don't care because I had so much fun making this#like it's so pointless but I had such a good time putting it together#maybe I should make random little moodboards like this more often lmao#or not#I should probably be writing instead lollll#but September 21st only comes around once a year#so I'll let myself off tonight#because like I said#their moment to this song needs to be celebrated appropriately#as the true catalyst for disaster it is 😌#jk but also not really 👀#ah if only Miles could have bottled up the happiness he felt in that moment#i have a feeling he might end up needing it...
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going 2 get wayyy too personal in the tags have fun if u decide 2 read 👍
#mourning the life i could have lived tonight besties 👍 what if everything had been different#like realistically it isn’t possible . I couldn’t have changed things even if I tried#but what if i didn’t have so many mental illnesses and what if I hadn’t moved here and what if I hadn’t kept dropping out of college#and what if i wasn’t sick#and i hate that term bc sick sounds like something that will get better but I think whatever is up with my body is probably forever#what if I wasn’t me <3 what then . maybe things would’ve been better#it isn’t Possible and it’s not worth thinking about but . so many things could have been different and better#im trying to be grateful for what I have and rmr how lucky I am but like#at the end of the day I’m a girl stuck in bed because everything hurts so bad#no real life goals just a shitty job that I have to go back to in the morning that will keep making my body worse#and ive pushed so many people out of my life for stupid reasons and what if i do it again and have no one left .#god .#okay focusing my mind on a single image now (nostalgia is a liar ex friends are bitches etc) im being NORMAL.#probably going to delete this immediately but who can say 👍 going to rot in bed some more I guess
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ah fuck. my dad is on The Episode.
#mk.op#i'm almost inclined to join him#and as i created this post he actually legit texted me 'i can wait till tomorrow and we can watch it together'#i have very conflicting feelings about my dad but it's times like that where i'm reminded why my mom stays with him i guess#(tbf he's my stepdad...never knew my bio dad. don't particularly care to.)#i don't think i've watched grave danger in full since.........................2022?#i tried a few times in 23/24 but it just...wasn't idk it started to hurt to think about nick at one point#cause i put too much of my self worth into my creations of him and when i felt like they weren't getting enough attention#i just...freaked out. not as bad as the time i deleted my blog but#parasocial relationships are dangerous things lol#BUT ANYWAY#tonight has been a weird night for me and i'm blaming the alcohol lol#torn between an old love and a new(ish) love#maybe if i'm lucky i'll have another dual nick/ilkka dream#i probably sound like a crazy person right now but#this is who i am folks lol#drunk blogging /
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#okay the nightmare story continues#i was lucky enough not to have any nightmares last not#or at least not any I woke up in a panic screaming from#maybe one or two like stress-y ones which in comparison are completely fine but still not great obviously#I’m feeling a lot less stressed to go to sleep tonight bc of that so that’s great#(who wants to bet that it’ll be the worst night yet this period now?)#probably thanks to being so distracted from the race I watched late#which amazing#let’s hope I bring these good vibes into the dreamworld with me#and not have any nightmares#or sleeping panic attacks or whatever this shit is#it’s bad horrible awful and it’s ruining my sleep#and partly my days as well#which ironically due to having slept a bit better last night today I had the energy to be in a bad mood#for the majority of the day because of lack of sleep which I hadn’t had the energy for before#anyway good vibes no nightmares let’s get through this night
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Omg
#one of ny favorite managers gave me a just cause gift card w a little note#honest to god i love this woman#I've never had someone who's old enough to be my mother look out for me like this before#just.#the kindness I've been shown lately is really getting to me#and it's coming in at a time where i feel so broken and lost and#it gives me some hope to get through this better than i have in the past#i have to believe#I'm so lucky to have the people in my life that i do#ohhhhhhhhh now i have another older coworker offering to take me to ihop sometime and get me smth nice there#yall#i might actually break down in my store tonight#I ain't meant for this sweetness from folks
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"we need more complex queer characters" you guys can't even handle yourselves
#lemon time#and post.#this isnt about anything really dw. just bored and thought for too long in the wrong direction#maybe its about how we feel isolated from the communities we are supposed to belong to.#both because we got lucky in the trans category to be accepted and get help without heaps of fuss.#and in the aroace category..... idk. seeing post after post of people going#''stop characterising aro/ace people as still being in relationships/having sex what about *us* who hate that''#and then. we see almost nothing of that. we see depictions of aro/ace characters who arent in relationships or have sex.#and the thing is. we kind of *are* that ''bad aroace rep'' in real life. and were fine with that but#are we allowed in the space? or will we be condemned or seen as fake because we're both romance and sex positive?#idk. just having some thoughts tonight. still kind of stings to see people complaining about bad representation when thats literally us
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