#whoever said this is just anime version of regular show is so right

[sunnyirry]

DANDADAN 🛸

I'm already obsessed. Science SARU did this series soooo good

[wits-writing]

What’s so Funny About Vengeance, the Night, and Batman? – Two Superhero Parodies in Conversation

Back in 2016, the first trailers for Director Chris McKay’s The Lego Batman Movie hit. A spinoff of the take on the iconic hero, voiced by Will Arnett, from 2014’s The Lego Movie. Those trailers spelled out a plot covering how Batman’s life of crimefighting is turned upside down when Robin unexpectedly enters the picture. It was a funny trailer, promising another insightful comedy from the crew behind The Lego Movie. A promise it handily delivered on when it came out in February 2017 with an animated feature steeped wall-to-wall jokes for the sake of mocking Bruce Wayne’s angst filled crusade that can only come from understanding what’s made the character withstand the test of time.

But there was a thought I and others had from seeing that trailer up to watching the actual movie:

“This seems… familiar.”

Holy Musical B@man! is a 2012 fan-made stage production parody of DC Comics’ biggest cash cow. It was produced as the fifth musical from YouTube-based cult phenomenon Starkid Productions, from a book by Matt and Nick Lang, music by Nick Gage and Scott Lamp with lyrics by Gage. The story of the musical details how Robin’s unexpected entrance ends up turning Batman’s (Joe Walker) life of crimefighting upside down. Among Starkids’ fandom derived projects in their early existence, as they’ve mainly moved on to well-received original material in recent years, Holy Musical B@man! is my personal favorite. I go back to it frequently, appreciating it as a fan of both superheroes and musicals. (Especially since good material that touches on both of those isn’t exactly easy to come by. Right, Spider-Man?)

While I glibly summarized the similarities between them by oversimplifying their plots, there’s a lot in the details, both major and minor, that separates how they explore themes like solitude, friendship, love, and what superhero stories mean. It’s something I’ve wanted to dig into for a while and I found a lot in both of them I hadn’t considered before by putting them in conversation. I definitely recommend watching both of them, because of how in-depth this piece goes including discussing their endings. However, nothing I can say will replace the experience of watching them and if I had included everything I could’ve commented on in both of them, this already massive piece would easily be twice as long minimum.

Up front, I want to say this isn’t about comparing The Lego Batman Movie and Holy Musical B@man in terms of quality. Not only are they shaped for vastly different mediums with different needs/expectations, animation versus stagecraft, but they also had different resources at their disposal. Even if both are in some ways riffing on the aesthetic of the 1990s Batman movies and the Adam West TV show, Lego Batman does it with the ability to make gorgeously animated frames packed to the brim with detail while Holy Musical often leans into its low-fi aesthetic of characters miming props and sets to add extra humor. They’re also for different audiences, Lego Batman clearly for all-ages while Holy Musical has the characters cursing for emphasis on a regular basis. On top of those factors, after picking through each of these for everything worth commenting on that I could find, I can’t say which I wholly prefer thanks in part to these fundamental differences.

This piece is more about digging through the details to explore the commonalities, differences, and what makes them effective mocking love letters to one of the biggest superheroes in existence.

(Also, since I’m going to be using the word “Batman” a lot, I’ll be calling Lego Batman just “Batman” and referring to the version from Holy Musical as “B@man”, with the exception of quoted dialogue.)

[Full Piece Under the Cut]

Setting the Tone

The beginning is, in fact, a very good place to start when discussing how these parodies frame their versions of the caped crusader. Each one uses a song about lavishing their respective Batmen with praise about how they are the best superheroes ever and play over sequences of the title hero kicking wholesale ass. A key distinction comes in who’s singing each song. Holy Musical B@man’s self-titled opening number is sung from the perspective of an omniscient narrator recounting B@man’s origin and later a chorus made up of the Gotham citizenry. Meanwhile, “Who’s the (Bat) Man” from Lego Batman is a brag-tacular song written by Batman about himself, even playing diegetically for all his villains to hear as he beats them up.

Holy Musical opens on a quick recap of Batman’s origin:

“One shot, Two shots in the night and they’re gone And he’s all left alone He’s just one boy Two dead at his feet and their blood stains the street And there’s nothing, no there’s nothing he can do!”

We then get a Bat-dance break as the music goes from slow and moody to energetic to reflect Batman turning that tragedy into the driving force behind his one-man war on crime. Assured by the narrator that he’s “the baddest man that there’s ever been!” and “Now there’s nothing, no there’s nothing he can’t do!” flipping the last lyric of the first verse. For the rest of the opening scene the lyrics matter less than what’s happening to establish both this fan-parody’s version of Batman and how the people of Gotham (“he’ll never refuse ‘em”) view him.

Lego Batman skips the origin recap, and in general talks around the death of the Waynes to keep the light tone going since it’s still a kids movie about a popular toy even if there are deeper themes at play. Instead, it continues a trend The Lego Movie began for this version of the character writing music about how he’s an edgy, dark, awesome, cool guy. While that movie kept it to Batman angry-whiteboy-rapping about “Darkness! NO PARENTS!”, this one expands to more elaborate boasts in the song “Who’s the (Bat) Man” by Patrick Stump:

“In the darkest night I make the bad guys fall There’s a million heroes But I’m the best of them all!”

Batman singing this song about himself, as opposed to having it sung by others aims the crosshairs of parody squarely on the hero’s ego. His abilities make fighting his villains effortless, like this opening battle is more an opportunity to perform the song than a life-or-death struggle. Even Joker’s aware of that as he shouts, “Stop him before he starts singing!” This Batman doesn’t see himself as missing out on anything in life, even if he still feels that deep down. Being Batman is the coolest thing in the world that anyone would envy. He’s Batman, therefore everyone should envy him.

The songs aren’t only part of the equation for how these two works’ opening scenes establish their leading hero. While both songs are about Batman being cool, they’re separated by the accompanying scenes. Lego Batman keep the opening within the Joker’s perspective until Batman shows up and the action kicks in. Once it does, we’re shown a Batman at the top of his solo-hero game. Meanwhile, Holy Musical’s opening is about B@man building his reputation and by the end of the song he has all the citizens of Gotham singing his praises with the titular lyrics. Both are about being in awe of the title hero, one framed by Joker’s frustration at Batman’s ease in foiling his schemes yet again and the other about the people of Gotham growing to love their city’s hero (probably against their better judgement.)

That’s woven into the fabric of what kind of schemes Batman is foiling in each of these. Joker’s plan to bomb Gotham with the help of every supervillain in Batman’s Rogues Gallery is hilariously high stakes and the type of plan most Batman stories, even parodies, would save for the climax. Neatly exemplified by how that’s almost the exact structure of Holy Musical’s final showdown. Starting with these stakes works as an extension of this Batman’s nature as a living children’s toy and therefore the embodiment of a child’s idea of what makes Batman cool, his ability to wipe the floor with anyone that gets in his way “because he’s Batman.” It also emphasizes Joker as the only member of the Rogues Gallery that matters to Lego Batman’s story, every other Bat-villain is either a purely visual cameo or only gets a couple lines maximum.

The crime’s being stopped by B@man are more in the “Year One” gangster/organized crime category rather than anything spectacle heavy. Though said crimes are comically exaggerated:

Gangster 1: Take these here drugs, put ‘em into them there guns, and then hand ‘em out to those gamblin’ prostitutes! Gangster 2: Should we really be doing these illegal activities? In a children’s hospital for orphans?

These fit into that model of crime the Dark Knight fights in his early days and add tiny humanizing moments between the crooks (“Oh, Matches! You make me laugh like nobody else!”) in turn making the arrival of B@man and the violence he deals out a stronger punchline. Further emphasized by the hero calling out the exact physical damage he does with each hit before warning them to never do crime again saying, “Support your families like the rest of us! Be born billionaires!” Later in the song his techniques get more extreme and violence more indiscriminate, as he uses his Bat-plane to patrol and gun down whoever he sees as a criminal, including a storeowner accidentally taking a single dollar from his own register. (“God’s not up here! Only Batman!”)

A commonality between these two openings is how Commissioner Jim Gordon gets portrayed. Both are hapless goofs at their core, playing more on the portrayal of the character in the 60s TV show and 90s Burton/Schumacher movies than the serious-minded character present in comics, Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy, and other adaptations. Lauren Lopez’s portrayal in Holy Musical gets overwhelmed by everything thrown at him, eventually giving up and getting out of B@man’s way (“I’m not gonna tell Batman what to do! He’s Batman!”) Hector Elizondo’s Gordon in Lego Batman clearly reached the “stay out of Batman’s way” point a long time ago, happy to have “the guy who flips on the Bat-signal” be his sole defining trait. While the characterizations are close, their roles do end up differing. Lopez’s Gordon sticks around to have a few more comedic scenes as the play goes on, where Elizondo’s exist to set up a contrast with his daughter Barbara and her way of approaching Batman when she becomes Police Commissioner.

These opening sequences both end in similar manners as well; the citizens of Gotham lavishing praise on their respective Batmen and a confrontation between Batman and the Joker. Praise from the citizenry in Holy Musical comes on the heels of a letter from B@man read out on the news about how much they and the city of Gotham suck. They praise B@man for his angsty nature as a “dark hero” and how they “wouldn’t want him any other way!”, establishing the motif of Gotham’s citizens in Holy Musical as stand-ins for the Batman fandom. Lego Batman uses the praise of the Gotham citizens after Batman’s victory in the opening scene as a lead in to contrast their certainty that Batman must have an exciting private life with the reality we’re shown. Which makes sense since Lego-Batman’s relationship to the people of Gotham is never presented as something at stake.

Greater contrast comes in how the confrontations with the Joker are handled, Lego Batman has an argument between the hero and villain that’s intentionally coded as relationship drama, Batman saying “There is no ‘us’” when Joker declares himself Batman’s greatest enemy. The confrontation in Holy Musical gets purposefully underplayed as an offstage encounter narrated to the audience as a Vicki Vale news report. This takes Joker off the board for the rest of the play in contrast to the Batman/Joker relationship drama that forms one of Lego Batman’s key pillars. While they take different forms, the respective citizenry praise and villain confrontation parts of these openings lead directly into the number one common thematic element between these Bat-parodies: Batman’s loneliness.

One is the Darkest, Saddest, Loneliest Number

Batman as an isolated hero forms one of the core tenants of the most popular understanding of the character. Each of these parodies picks at that beyond the broody posturing. There’s no dedicated segment in this piece about how these works’ versions of the title character function bleeds into every other aspect of them, but each starts from the idea of Batman as a man-child with trouble communicating his emotions. Time’s taken to give the audience a view of where their attitudes have left them early in the story.

Both heroes show their loneliness through interactions with their respective Alfreds. Holy Musical has the stalwart butler, played by Chris Allen, try to comfort B@man by asking if he has any friends he enjoys being around. When B@man cites Lucius Fox as a friend he calls him right away, only to discover Lucius Fox is Alfred’s true identity and Alfred Pennyworth was an elaborate ruse he came up with to protect Bruce on his father’s wishes. Ironically, finding out his closest friend was living a double life causes Bruce to push Alfred away (the play keeps referring to him as Alfred after this, so that’s what I’m going to do as well.) After he’s fired he immediately comes back in a new disguise as “O’Malley the Irish Butler” (same outfit he wore before but with a Party City Leprechaun hat.) That’s unfortunately the start of a running gag in Holy Musical that ends up at the worst joke in the play, when Alfred disguises himself as “Quon Li the Chinese Butler” doing an incredibly cringeworthy “substituting L’s for R’s” bit with his voice. It’s been my least favorite bit in the play since I first saw it in 2012 and legitimately makes me hesitate at times to recommend it. Even if it’s relatively small bit and the rest holds ups.

That disclaimer out of the way, that conversation between B@man and Alfred leads into the title hero reflecting on his sadness through the musical’s I Want Song, “Dark, Sad, Lonely Knight.” The song’s split into two halves, the first Alfred reflecting on whether he played a part in Bruce’s current condition and the second B@man longing for a connection. The song does a good job balancing between the sincerity over the hero’s sadness and getting good laughs out of it:

“Think of the children Next time you gun down the mama and papa Their only mama and papa Because they probably don’t have another mama and papa!”

The “I Want” portion of the song coming in the end with the repetition of the lryics “I want to be somebody’s buddy.”

Rather than another song number, Lego Batman covers Batman’s sadness through a pair of montages and visual humor. The first comes after the opening battle, where we see Batman taking off all his costume except for the mask hanging out alone in Wayne Manor, showing how little separation he puts between identities. Compared to Holy Musical where the equivalent scene is the first we see of Bruce without the mask on, which may come down to practicality since anyone who’s worn a mask like that knows they get hot and sweaty fast. Batman is constantly made to appear small among the giant empty rooms of his estate as he eats dinner, jams on his guitar, and watches romantic movies alone.

Ralph Fienne’s Alfred coming in at the end of this sequence witnessing Batman looking at a photo of himself as a boy with his parents for the last time. Alfred outlines Batman’s fear of being part of a family again only to be met with Batman denying he has any feelings ever. Pennyworth’s role as a surrogate father gets put into greater focus here than in Holy Musical, as we get glimpses of Alfred reading a book titled “How to Deal with Your Out-of-Control Child.” Also shown in smaller scenes of Alfred dealing with Batman’s insistent terminology for his crime fighting equipment, like calling his cowl an “armored face disguise.”

Batman’s denial of his pain contrasts how B@man wallows in it. Though he’s forced to confront it a little as the Joker’s plan ends up leaving him with no crimefighting to fall back on to ignore his issues. This montage gets set to the song “One” by Harry Nilsson and details Batman, unable to express his true feelings, eventually letting them out in the form of tempter tantrums. There’s also some humor through juxtaposition as Batman walks solemnly through the streets of Gotham City, rendered black and white, as the citizens chant “No more crime!” in celebration, while flipping over cars and firing guns into the air.

A disruption to their loneliness eventually comes in the form of a sensational character find.

Robin – The Son/BFF Wonder

Between both Bat-parodies, the two Robins’ characterizations are as close as anyone’s between them. Each is nominally Dick Grayson but are ultimately more representative of the idea of Robin as the original superhero sidekick and his influence on Batman’s life. The play and movie also both make the obvious jokes about Dick’s name and the classic Robin costume’s lack of pants at different points. Dick’s origin also gets sidestepped in each version to skip ahead to the part where he starts being an influence in Batman’s life.

Robin’s introduction to the comics in Detective Comics #38 in 1940, marking the start of Batman’s literal “Year Two” as a character, predating the introduction of Joker, Catwoman, and Alfred, among others. Making him Batman’s longest lasting ally in the character’s history. His presence and acrobatics shift the tone by adding a dash of swashbuckling to Batman’s adventures, inspired by the character’s namesake Robin Hood, though both parodies take a page out of Batman Forever and associate the name with the bird for the sake of a joke. Robin is as core to Batman as his origin, but more self-serious adaptations (i.e., the mainstream cinematic ones that were happening around the times both Holy Musical and Lego Batman came out) tend to avoid the character’s inclusion. These two works being parody, therefore anything but self-serious, give themselves permission to examine why Robin matters and how different characters react to his presence. Rejection of Robin as a character and concept comes out in some form in each of these works, from Batman himself in Lego Batman and the Gotham citizens in Holy Musical.

The chain of events that lead to Dick becoming Robin in Lego Batman are a string of consequences for Batman’s self-absorption. A scene of Bruce barely listening as Dick asks for advice on getting adopted escalating to absentmindedly signing the adoption paperwork. Batman doesn’t realize he has a son until after his sadness montage. Alfred forces Batman to start interacting with Dick against his will. The broody loner wanting nothing to do with the cheery kid, played to “golly gee gosh” perfection by Michael Cera, until he sees the utility of him. Batman doesn’t even have the idea to give Robin a costume or codename because he clearly views the sidekick’s presence as a temporary measure for breaking into Superman’s fortress, made clear by how he lists “expendable” as a quality Dick needs if he wants to go on a mission.

This makes Robin the catalyst for Batman’s shifting perspective throughout Lego Batman. When Robin succeeds in his first mission, the Dark Knight is hesitant to truly compliment him and chalks up his ward’s feats to “unbelievable obeying.” Other moments have Robin’s presence poke holes in Batman’s tough guy demeanor, like the first time Batman and Robin ride in the Bat-mobile together, Robin asks where the seatbelts are and Batman growls “Life doesn’t give you seatbelts!”, only for Batman to make a sudden stop causing Robin to hit his head on the windshield and Batman genuinely apologizes. They share more genuine moments together as the film goes, like Batman suggesting they beatbox together to keeps their spirits up after they’ve been imprisoned for breaking into Arkham Asylum. Robin’s representative of Batman gradually letting people in throughout these moments.

On the exact opposite end of the spectrum, B@man needs zero extra prompting to let Robin into his life. Nick Lang’s Robin (henceforth called “Rob!n” to keep with this arbitrary naming scheme I’ve concocted) does get brought into his life by Alfred thanks to a personal ad (“‘Dog for sale’? No… ‘Orphan for sale’! Even better!”) but it’s a short path to B@man deciding to let Dick fight alongside him. The briefest hesitance on the hero’s part, “To be Batman… is to be alone”, is quelled by Rob!n saying “We could be alone… together.” Their first scene together quickly establishing the absurd sincerity exemplified by this incarnation of the Dynamic Duo. An energy carried directly into the Act 1 closing number, “The Dynamic Duet”, a joyful ode between the heroes about how they’re “Long lost brothers who found each other” sung as they beat up supervillains (and the occasional random civilian.)

That song also ties into the contrast between the Batman/Robin dynamic and the B@man/Rob!n one. While Holy Musical is portraying a brotherly/BFF bond between the two heroes, Lego Batman leans into the surrogate son angle. While both are mainly about their stories’ Batman being able to connect with others, the son angle of Lego Batman adds an additional layer of “Batman needs to take responsibility for himself and others” and a parallel to Alfred as Batman’s own surrogate father. It also adds to the queer-coding of Batman in Lego Batman as Batman’s excuse to Robin for why he can go on missions is that Bruce and he are sharing custody, Robin even calling Batman’s dual identities “dads” before he knows the truth.

In the absence of the accepting personal responsibility through fatherhood element, the conflict Rob!n brings out in Holy Musical forms between B@man and the citizens of Gotham. “Citizens as stand-ins for fandom” is at it’s clearest here as the Act 2 opener is called “Robin Sucks!” featuring the citizens singing about how… well, you read the title. Their objections to Rob!n’s existence has nothing to do with what the young hero has done or failed to do, but come from arguments purely about the aesthetic of Rob!n fighting alongside B@man. Most blatantly shown by one of the citizens wearing a Heath Ledger Joker t-shirt saying Rob!n’s presence “ruins the gritty realism of a man who fights crime dressed as a bat.” It works as the Act 2 opener by establishing that B@man and the citizens conflicting opinions on his sidekick end up driving that half of the story, exemplified in B@man’s complete confusion about why people hate Rob!n (“Robin ruined Batman? But that’s not true… Robin make Batman happy.”)

Both Robins play into the internal conflict their respective mentors are going through, but what would a superhero story, even a parody, be without some colorful characters to provide that sweet external conflict.

Going Rogue

Both works have the threat comes from an army of villains assembled under a ringleader, Zach Galifianakis’s Joker in Lego Batman and Jeff Blim as Sweet Tooth in Holy Musical. Both lead the full ensemble of Batman’s classic (and not so classic) Rogues at different points. As mentioned before Joker starts Lego Batman with “assemble the Rogues, blow up Gotham” as his plan, while Sweet Tooth with his candy prop comedy becoming the ringleader of Gotham’s villains is a key turning point in Act 1 of the play. Part of this comes down to how their connections to their respective heroes and environments are framed, Sweet Tooth as a new player on the scene and Joker as Batman’s romantic foil.

Lego Batman demonstrates Batman and Joker are on “finishing each other’s sentences” levels of intimate that Batman refuses to acknowledge. Shown best in how Joker’s plan only works because he can predict exactly how Batman will act once he starts playing hard to get. When he surrenders the entire Rogues Gallery (without telling them) and himself to police custody, he describes it as him being “off the market.” He knows Batman won’t settle for things ending on these terms and tricks the hero into stealing Superman’s Phantom Zone projector so he can recruit a new, better team of villains for a take two of his masterplan from the start. Going through all this trouble to get Batman to say those three magic words; “I love hate you.” Joker as the significant other wanting his partner to finally reciprocate his feelings and commit works both as a play on how the Batman/Joker relationship often gets approached and an extension of the central theme. Batman is so closed off to interpersonal connections he can’t even properly hate his villains.

Sweet Tooth, while clearly being a riff Heath Ledger and Caesar Romero’s Jokers fused with a dash of Willy Wonka, doesn’t have that kind of connection with B@man. Though there are hints that B@man and his recently deceased Joker may have had one on that level. He laments “[Joker]’s in heaven with mom and dad. Making them laugh, I know it!” when recalling how the Clown Prince of Crime was the one person he enjoyed being around. This makes Joker’s death one of the key triggers to B@man reflecting on his solitude at the start of the play.

What Sweet Tooth provides the story is a threat to B@man’s new bond with Rob!n. Disrupting that connection forms the delicious center of the Candy King of Crime’s plan in Act 2. He holds Rob!n and Gotham’s people hostage and asks the citizens to decide via Facebook poll if the sidekick lives or dies (in reference to the infamous phone hotline vote from the comic book story A Death in the Family where readers could decide the Jason Todd Robin’s fate.)

With the rest of the villains under the leadership of the respective works’ main antagonists, there’s commentary on their perceived quality as threats. When Holy Musical has Superman talking to Green Lantern about how much B@man’s popularity frustrates him, he comes down especially hard on the Caped Crusader’s villains. Talking about how they all coast by on simple gimmicks with especially harsh attention given to Two Face’s being “the number two.” Saying they’re only famous because B@man screws up and they get to do more damage. Which he compares to his own relationship with his villains:

Superman: You ever heard of Mr. Mxyzptlk? Green Lantern: No. Superman: No, that’s right! That’s because I do my job!

Lego Batman has commentary on the other villains come from Joker, recognizing that even all together they can never beat Batman, because that’s how a Batman story goes. The other villains get portrayed as generally buffoonish, struggling to even build a couch together and described by Joker as “losers dressed in cosplay.” Tricking Batman into sending him to the Phantom Zone provides him the opportunity to gather villains from outside Batman’s mythos and outside DC Comics in general. Recruiting the likes of Sauron, King Kong, Daleks, Agent Smith from The Matrix, and the Wicked Witch of the West, among others. When I first saw and reviewed The Lego Batman Movie, this bugged me because it felt like a missed opportunity to feature lesser-known villains from other DC heroes’ Rogues Galleries. Now, considering the whole movie as meta-commentary on the status of this Batman as a children’s toy, it makes perfect sense that Joker would need to go outside of comics to break the rules of a typical Batman story and have a shot at winning.

The Rogues of Holy Musical get slightly more of a chance to shine, if only because their song “Rogues are We” is one of the catchier tracks from the play. They’re all still more cameo than character when all’s said and done, but Sweet Tooth entering the picture is about him recognizing their potential to operate as a unit, takeover Gotham, and kill B@man. The candy-pun flinging villain wants all of them together, no matter their perceived quality.

Sweet Tooth: “We need every villain in Gotham. Cool themes, lame themes, themes that don’t match their powers, even the villains that take their names from public domain stories.” (Two Face’s “broke ass” still being the exception.)

Both Joker and Sweet Tooth provide extensions of the shared theme of Batman dealing with the new connections in his life, especially with regards to Robin. However, Robin isn’t the only other ally (or potential ally) these Dark Knights have on their side.

Super Friends(?)

The internal crisis of these Caped Crusaders come as much from how they react to other heroic figures as it does from supervillainous machinations. In both cases how Batman views and is viewed by fellow heroes gets centered on a specific figure, Superman in Holy Musical and Commissioner Barbara Gordon (later Batgirl) in Lego Batman. Each serves a vastly different purpose in the larger picture of their stories and relationship to their respective Batmen. Superman reflecting B@man’s loneliness and Barbara symbolizing a new path forward for Batman’s hero work.

Superman’s role in Holy Musical runs more parallel to Lego Batman’s Joker than Barbara. Brian Holden’s performance as the Man of Tomorrow plays into a projected confidence covering anxiety that nobody likes him. Besting the Bat-plane in a race during B@man’s Key to the City ceremony establishes a one upmanship between the two heroes, like Joker’s description of his relationship with Batman at the end of Lego Batman’s opening battle. Though instead of that romantically coded relationship from Lego Batman, this relationship is more connected to childish jealousy. (But if you do want to read the former into Holy Musical B@man, neither hero has an onstage relationship with any woman and part of their eventual fight consist of spanking each other.)

B@man and Superman’s first real interaction is arguing over who’s the cooler hero until it degrades into yelling “Fuck you!” at each other. B@man storming off in the aftermath of that gets topped off by Superman suggesting he should get the Key to the City instead, citing his strength and longer tenure as a hero (“The first hero, by the way”) as justifications. This only results in the Gotham citizens turning on him for suggesting their city’s hero is anything less than the best, which serves both as a Sam Raimi Spider-Man reference (“You mess with one of us! You mess with all of us!”) and another example of the citizens as stand-ins for fandom. Superman’s veil of cocksureness comes off quickly after that and stays off for the rest of the play. Starting with his conversation with Green Lantern where a civilian comes across them, but barely acts like Superman’s there.

One of the play’s running gags is Superman calling B@man’s number and leaving messages, showing a desperation to reach out and connect with his fellow hero despite initial smugness. Even before the first phone call scene, we see Superman joining B@man to sing “I want to be somebody’s buddy” during “Dark, Sad, Lonely Knight” hinting at what’s to come. The note it consistently comes back to is that Superman’s jealousy stems from Batman’s popularity over him. This is a complete flip of what Lego Batman does with the glimpse at a Batman/Superman dynamic we see when Batman goes to the Superman’s fortress to steal the Phantom Zone projector. The rivalry dynamic there exists solely in Batman’s head, Lego-Superman quickly saying “I would crush you” when Batman suggests the idea of them fighting. Superman’s status among the other DC heroes is also night and day between these works. Where Lego-Superman’s only scene in the movie shows him hosting the Justice League Anniversary Party and explaining he “forgot” to invite Batman, Superman in Holy Musical consistently lies about having friends over (“All night long I’m busy partying with my friends at the Fortress… of Solitude.”)

Superman’s relationship to B@man in Holy Musical develops into larger antagonism thanks to lack of communication with B@man brushing off Supes’ invitations to hang out and fight bad guys (“Where were you for the Solomon Grundy thing? Ended up smaller than I thought, just a couple of cool guys. Me and… Solomon Grundy.”) His own loneliness gets put into stronger focus when he sees the news of Rob!n’s debut as a crimefighter, which makes him reflect on how he misses having Krypto the Super-Dog around. (The explanation for why he doesn’t have his dog anymore is one of my favorite jokes in the play and I won’t ruin it here.)

Where Superman’s a reflection of B@man’s loneliness, Rosario Dawson as Barbara in Lego Batman is a confrontation of Batman’s go it alone attitude. Her job in the story is to be the one poking holes in the foundation of Batman as an idea, starting with her speech at Jim Gordon’s retirement banquet and her instatement as commissioner. She has a by-the-book outlook on crimefighting with the omnicompetence to back it up, thanks to her training at “Harvard for Police.” Babs sees Batman’s current way of operating as ineffectual and wants him to be an official agent of the law. An idea that dumps a bucket of cold water on Batman’s crush he developed immediately upon seeing her, though that never fully goes away.

Her main point is that Batman “karate chopping poor people” hasn’t made Gotham better in his 80 years of operating. A contrast to Holy Musical’s Jim Gordon announcing that B@man has brought Gotham’s crime rates to an all-time low (“Still the highest in the world, but we’re working on it.”) She wants to see a Batman willing to work with other people. A hope dashed constantly dealing with his childish stubbornness as he tries to foil Joker’s schemes on his own, culminating in her arresting Batman and Robin for breaking into Arkham to send Joker to the Phantom Zone.

Barbara’s role as the one bringing grown-up attitudes and reality into Batman’s world does leave her in the role of comedic straight woman. Humor in her scenes comes from how she reacts to everyone else’s absurdity rather than anything she does to be funny. This works for the role she plays in Lego Batman, since she’s not there to have an arc the way Superman does in Holy Musical. She’s another catalyst for Batman’s to start letting people in as another character he grows to care about. Which starts after she lets the Dynamic Duo out of prison to fight Joker’s new army of Phantom Zone villains on the condition that he plays it by her rules. Leading to a stronger bond between Batman, Robin, Alfred, and her as they start working together.

The two Batmen’s relationships to other heroes, their villains, Robin, and their own solitude each culminate in their own way as their stories reach their conclusions.

Dark Knights & Dawning Realizations

As everything comes down to the final showdowns in these Bat-parodies, the two Caped Crusaders each confront their failures to be there for others and allow themselves to be vulnerable to someone they’ve been antagonizing throughout the story. Each climax has all of Gotham threatened by a bomb and the main villains’ plans coming to fruition only to come undone.

Holy Musical has Sweet Tooth’s kidnapping of Rob!n and forcing Gotham to choose themselves or the sidekick they hate sends B@man into his most exaggerated state in the entire play. It’s the classic superhero movie climax conundrum, duty as a hero versus personal attachment. Alfred, having revealed himself as the “other butlers”, even lampshades how these stories usually go only for that possibility to get shot down by Bruce:

Alfred: A true hero, Master Wayne, finds a way to choose both. B@man: You’re right, Alfred. I know what I have to do… Fuck Gotham, I’m saving Robin!

B@man’s selfishness effectively makes him the real villain of Holy Musical’s second act. Lego Batman has shades of that aspect as well, where Batman gets sent to the Phantom Zone by Joker for his repeated refusal to acknowledge their relationship. Where the AI running the interdimensional prison, Phyllis voiced by Ellie Kemper, confronts him with the way he’s treated Robin, Alfred, Barbara, and even Joker:

Phyllis: You’re not a traditional bad guy, but you’re not exactly a good guy either. You even abandoned your friends. Batman: No! I was trying to protect them! Phyllis: By pushing them away? Batman: Well… yeah. Phyllis: Are they really the ones you’re protecting?

Batman watches what’s happening back in Gotham and sees Robin emulate his grim and gritty tendencies to save the day in his absence makes him desperately scream, “Don’t do what I would do!” It’s the universe rubbing what a jerk he’s been in his face. He’s forced to take a look at himself and make a change. B@man’s not made to do that kind of self-reflection until after he’s defeated Sweet Tooth but failed to stop the villain’s bomb. He’s ready to give up on Gotham forever and leave with Rob!n, until his sidekick pulls up Sweet Tooth’s poll and it shows the unanimous result in favor of saving the Boy Wonder. Despite everything they said at the start of Act 2, the people want to help their hero in return for all the times he helped them. All of them calling back to the Raimi Spider-Man reference from Act 1, “You mess with one of us. You mess with all of us.”

Both heroes’ chance at redemption and self-improvement comes from opening themselves up to the people they pushed out and dismissed earlier in their stories. Batman takes on the role he reduced the Commissioner down to at the beginning of the movie and flips on signals for Barbara, Alfred, and Robin to show how he’s truly prepared to work as a team, not just with his friends and family but with the villains of Gotham the Joker pushed aside as well. Teamwork makes the dream work and they’re all able to work together to get Joker’s army back into the Phantom Zone but like in Holy Musical they fail to stop the bomb threatening Gotham. Which he can only prevent from destroying the city by confessing his true feeling to Joker

Batman: If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have learned how connected I am with all of these people and you. So, if you help me save Gotham, you’ll help me save us. Joker: You just said “us?” Batman: Yeah, Batman and the Joker. So, what do you say? Joker: You had me at “shut up!”

The equivalent moment from Holy Musical comes from B@man needing to put aside his pride and encourage a disheartened Superman to save Gotham for him. This happens in the aftermath of a fight the two heroes had where Superman tried to stop B@man before he faced Sweet Tooth, B@man winning out through use of kryptonite. That fight doesn’t fit into any direct parallel with Lego Batman, but it is important context for how Superman’s feeling about B@man before Superman finally gets his long-awaited phone call from the Dark Knight. Also, the song accompanying the fight, “To Be a Man”, is one of the funniest scenes in the play. What this speech from B@man does is bring the idea of Holy Musical B@man as a commentary on fandom full circle:

B@man: I forgot what it means to be a superhero. But we’re really not that different, you and me, at our heart. I mean really all superheroes are pretty much the same… Something bad happened to us once when we were young, so we dedicated our whole lives to doing a little bit of good. That’s why we got into this crazy superhero business. Not to be the most popular, or even the most powerful. Because if that were the case, hell, you’d have the rest of us put out of a job!

This speech extends into an exchange between the heroes about how superheroes are cool, not despite anything superficially silly but because of it. Bringing it back to the “Robin Sucks!” theme that started Act 2, saying “Some people think Robin is stupid. But those people are pretentious douchebags. Because, literally, the only difference between Robin and me is our costumes.” The speech culminates in what I genuinely think is one of the best Batman lines ever written, as B@man’s final plea to Superman is “Where’s that man who’s faster than a gun?” calling back to the trauma that created Batman across all versions and what he can see in someone like Superman. So, B@man sacrificing his pride and fully trusting in another hero saves Gotham, the way Batman letting Joker know what their relationship means to him did in Lego Batman.

Each of these parodies ends by delivering a Batman willing to open himself up to a new team of heroes fighting at his side, the newly minted Bat-Family in Lego Batman and the league for justice known as the Super Friends in Holy Musical. Putting them side by side like this shows how creators don’t need the resources of a Hollywood studio to make something exactly as meaningful and how the best parodies come from love of the material no matter who’s behind them.

If you like what you’ve read here, please like/reblog or share elsewhere online, follow me on Twitter (@WC_WIT), and consider throwing some support my way at either Ko-Fi.com or Patreon.com at the extension “/witswriting”

[okayto]

Mini-Review: Love, Chunibyo & Other Delusions!

I’m so glad @littlestartopaz​ recommended this to me, because it was SO GOOD.

Yuta wants to start high school afresh: new school far from home, new classmates who don’t know he spent middle school acting out the fantasy of being the mysterious and magic “Dark Flame Master,” new him. But one of his classmates has delusions of her own, and after she accidentally discovers his embarrassing past, Yuta is unwillingly drawn into her life and a growing circle of friends with their own quirks.

The “chunibyo” of the title basically means “8th grade syndrome;” a phase in middle school where some kids inhabit and act out their own fantasy stories, positing themselves as dark magicians, magical girls, and other wielders of magical powers.

I had avoided this for a while, until it was specifically recommended to me, because honestly, it sounds embarrassing, right? It sounds like it’s gonna be an embarrassing manic pixie dream girl scenario. But what it actually contains is the story of how a mixed bag of students--some actively chunibyo, others not--become friends and develop very endearing close relationships, while arguing and frustrating each other because that’s what friends do.

Now, the idea of being the star of what’s essentially your own fantasy-action anime is embarrassing, but what’s notable is that the show doesn’t really hold the chunibyo characters up for mockery. Sure we might laugh at them, but hey--it’s funny to watch friends be silly together. And most viewers, just like some of the characters who have moved on from their chunibyo phases, probably easily understand the mix of soul-wrenching embarrassment and (mild?) fond sentiment that comes with remembering our middle school selves.

But let’s be real: the reactions the two former chunibyo students, Yuta and Shinka have to being reminded of middle school, are #RELATABLE

Rikka, our title chunibyo, in particular uses her fantasy in part to cope with grief, coming from an extended family that (without getting spoilery) didn’t help a young girl to deal with a very hard and life-changing time. Now that she’s in high school, her older sister blackmails Yuta (using an a voice recording of one of his chunibyo speeches) into helping deal with Rikka and things (like the cat she wants to adopt) that pop up.

One thing the show is very good at, though, is not making a single thing the reason behind a character’s chunibyo. One may have started their fantasy inspired by another person, or prompted by an event, but it’s also (while active) part of their personal narrative that influences how they spent their free time, how they see the world and keep blogs or diaries, etc.

But at the same time, they’re still teenagers, and their inner view of themselves...doesn’t always translate skills.

I said the show is primarily about friendship. A lot of that friendship is between Yuta and Rikka, but they accumulate a little group, mainly through Rikka’s attempt to start a magic club. Recruit 1: Kumin, a polite, quiet senpai with no chunibyo history or aspirations.

Kumin starts off seeming like a background character, but by the second season it’s clear she’s not just there for jokes about how she’ll take a nap anywhere. She’s perceptive, and genuinely enjoys watching the others act out their scenarios.

Compared to the other characters who are boisterous in their chunibyo activities (Rikka, Deko, Satone), or vociferously trying not to get drawn in to chunibyo activities (Yuta, Shinka), Kumin is happy to watch and offer encouragement, but she’s also willing to participate if a chunibyo scenario calls for a group.

Incidentally, the show does a really interesting thing where occasionally, we’ll be drawn “inside” the chunibyo world, seeing what Rikka/Deko/whoever see: a fantasy land, big magical weapons, anime-grade magical attacks. Occasionally we’ll also see what this “really” looks like--a couple people running around waving umbrellas at each other--but often we only get the fantasy version. It’s clear that Rikka and co. are legitimately on some level engaging in a shared imagination, and the times when a reluctant character (particularly Yuta or Shinka) willing steps in to the shared illusion are genuinely sweet.

Speaking of, Shinka (aka Morisummer) became one of my favorite characters. Like Yuta, she was chunibyo (”Morisummer the magician”); like Yuta, she chose a high school where she didn’t know anyone expressly so she could reinvent herself as a normal teen. And like Yuta, she’s getting dragged kicking and screaming into chunibyo again.

It would’ve been so easy to make her a bad character. She’s pretty, puts a lot of effort into being popular and likable at school, trying to keep up a good teen girl image, despite being fairly sarcastic at her core. And as loathe as she is to admit it, she likes her friends (even if she won’t admit they’re friends, even if half of them are actively chunibyo, even if she says she’s only hanging around so she can make sure all traces of chunibyo-Morisummer are erased from the internet).

Shinka gets drawn in to the group through Rikka’s apparently only pre-existing friend: Deko, a fellow chunibyo who follows Rikka (or “Eye of the Wicked Lord Shingan”) as her master, and is extremely devoted to the great magician Morisummer. So devoted, in fact, that she has several physical copies of Morisummer’s book containing all her wisdom...aka Shinka-Morisummer’s blog, which Shinka has tried to erase all trace of.

Needless to say, the two don’t seem to get along great.

Deko’s dedication to chunibyo and Morisummer irks Shinka; Shinka’s claim to be Morisummer irks Deko, who refuses to believe the great magician could ever be this sarcastic, mundane girl. Deko’s refusal irks Shinka, bringing out the sarcasm and bluntness Shinka tries to hide from the school at large.

Obviously, they actually become close friends, but heaven help you if you actually say so.

The entire series is an exploration of relationships, and Yuta’s developing closeness with Rikka (hey, we knew it was going to happen) is also sweet. He’s a genuinely likable boy, embarrassed by the vestiges of his former self he sees in Rikka, but often willing to meet her on her level, and both of them also learn/reaffirm the importance of doing things their way, and keeping both of them comfortable, rather than acting a certain way or performing specific acts just because their classmates think their relationship status mandates it.

Speaking of classmates--and I know this is getting long but I CAN’T HELP IT, I LIKED SO MANY ASPECTS OF THIS SERIES--the characters aren’t ridiculed at school. Sure, some people think they’re weird, but there’s no shunning, no arc involving teasing or bullies. Rikka’s often content as a loner, but when she attempts to join in a social circle, she’s welcomed. Shinka’s obsessed with reinventing herself and appearing normal and seems to think that otherwise she’ll be cast out, but multiple characters mention that others at the school notice how she behaves (oddly, on occasion) and there are no social repercussions. Truly nice for a show that has characters spending quite a lot of time in school.

Verdict

English dub? Yes, and it’s got strong performances. Rikka’s voice actor in particular does a fantastic job capturing the difference between chunibyo!Rikka’s confidence and command, and regular!Rikka’s, well, normal awkward teenageness. (Plus, I also found her lower-than animegirl-average voice enjoyable.) (Double plus, I honestly think her English voice is better than her original Japanese voice at showing the difference between her emotions and chunibyo/reality.) Deko’s VA is fantastic showing the enthusiasm of the 9th grader (and what enthusiasm, Deko is like the Energizer Bunny), and Shinka’s VA manages to show her alternating annoyance, cheerfully sweet ideal self, and organizized leader voices.

Visuals: Fine, and I really liked the chunibyo designs for each character’s chunibyo phase. The contrast between chunibyo-vision (giant magic weapons; mysterious lights, fantasy landscapes) and reality (an umbrella or soup ladle; a strip of lights taped to the floor; a local park) was really well done.

Worth watching? Yessss. It’s very manageable--two 12-episode seasons--and while each season contains its own arc (you could stop after the first one, but why), together they make an excellent story. Heck, I think the second season is equal to, if not better than, the first, because the friend group is well-established and even more fun to watch.

Where to watch (USA, as of October 2020): Netflix (dub, sub); Crunchyroll (sub), HIDIVE (sub & dub, plus OVAs and film)

Click my “reviews” tag below or search “mini review” on my blog to find more!

[trashyswitch]

The Adorable Slimy Stranger

Chapter 2: Holidays With The Sides (& Pumpkin!)

The sides are nearing Christmas, and are getting ready to celebrate and share the joy with their new companion, Pumpkin!

This fanfic was suggested by an anonymous user! Thank you for the prompt for a sequel!

And this fanfic is also dedicated to Pumpkinpaw! Love you sweety!

Pumpkin had become a regular household companion within the next few weeks. When deciding what pronouns to use, the sides had put down papers that said ‘Boy’, ‘Girl’, and ‘both’, to mean they/them.

“Do you wanna be a girl? As in, a good girl?” Patton asked, pointing to the pink card.

“Or perhaps a boy? A good boy?” Logan offered, pointing to the blue card.

“Or maybe you wanna be both! Maybe ‘buddy’, or ‘good pumpa’?” Roman asked, holding up the purple card.

Patton gasped. “That’s such a cute nickname! Pumpa! I love it!” Patton cheered, hugging Roman.

Pumpkin looked at the three cards curiously for a few seconds. Right as someone was gonna speak up, Pumpkin picked up the pink card, pointed to it and tried to gurgle the word ‘girl’ as best as it could!

Patton and Roman both squealed excitedly, while Logan smiled proudly. “Girl it is. Pumpkin shall now be referred to as a female, until she shows us otherwise.” Logan declared.

“I’m still gonna call her lil’ pumpa tho! It’s perfect!” Patton added, giving Pumpkin a big hug.

“And she has at least 1 new nickname.” Logan muttered proudly with a chuckle.

To make things greater, it was nearing Christmas and EVERYONE was getting into the christmas mood!

Patton has been watching all the Hallmark movies and decorating the house with all the tinsel and lights he could summon. He also took time to hang up the advent calendars and had an elf hat on his head every second of the day!

Logan has been drinking out of christmas mugs, determining the holiday board games they could play together, and has been listening to different christmas music covers to determine the most beautiful and/or most classic versions. Using that knowledge, Logan successfully came up with the most christmassy playlist he could make, which also included songs from classic christmas films! And let’s not forget Bing Crosby and Pentatonix!

Roman has been singing christmas carols himself and wrapping up endless amounts of presents to fill the bottom of the christmas tree. He’s also spent lots of time making ornaments to add to the tree and was even sewing up adorable christmas outfits for Patton and himself! Remus even got an early Christmas outfit, which included a ‘King of Naughty’ original Grinch shirt.

Meanwhile, Virgil has been enjoying the heck outta the christmas sweaters that came out each year. This year? Thomas’s brand new Virgil-themed sweater merchandise Thomas came out with! Well...minus the scarf. Virgil found the scarf to be too much with the sweater. So, he gave it to Patton. Virgil has also been enjoying the holiday slippers! This year, Virgil was sporting a pair of hilarious shark slippers! Sometimes, Virgil would joke that ‘The sharks are hungry for feet!’

Janus has been enjoying watching the christmas baking shows and has been playing lots of christmas flash games that are always around. Super Santa Kicker, Christmas Race, Christmas Shopper Simulator (10/10, Best game of 2014!), Tattletail, Santa’s Rampage, even that crappy christmas wii game called ‘We Wish You a Merry Christmas’! All of those games were common-place.

Last but not least, Remus has been doing the elf on the shelf this year (with a small list of rules, of course.) and has been surprising people with singing and dancing christmas decorations everywhere! There was the animated singing rudolph, the twerking Santa Claus toy (Yup...Of course…), the singing and jingling christmas hat, that cringey but funny dancing/singing poop toy, an animated dancing tree, the animated singing santa in the bathtub, and everyone’s personal favorite: The Snoopy dancing plush toy that wobbles back and forth!

But everyone found that Pumpkin was ALSO in the christmas mood! The sides enjoyed seeing her reactions to the dancing toys the best, and even danced along with the toys sometimes! She waddled along with snoopy, danced left and right with the dancing tree, and sang to the Rudolph song while Rudolph sang the classic song!

Meanwhile, Patton had sewed up a christmas hat for Pumpkin. The hat had a more burgundy red color, a traditional white bottom and a white pom pom on the top. When Patton first gave it to the orange blob, Pumpkin placed it on her own head and let the pompom flop onto her face. Upon seeing the pompom, it looked as if her eyes could’ve dilated and she started playing with the pompom like a kitty. That was the best reaction they could’ve gotten from her!

One of the days, Pumpkin was sitting in the living room with the sides, watching The Polar Express on TV. This was a holiday classic that the sides loved to watch together. So joining Pumpkin in on the fun was a must! The train had just been saved from falling into the ice, and the train climbed up the spiral to the high road to the north pole. Pumpkin had slid herself over to Roman and Patton, and snuggled under the extra blanket that was beside the boys. Pumpkin was also wearing her santa hat!

Watching the pretty lights in the sky over the sea, Pumpkin watched curiously as the big conductor man talked to them about them and then uttered the following words: “There...is the north POLE!”

Pumpkin ran as quickly as her body could to the TV and reached up to the north pole on the TV. She backed up a little and held her hands on her chin as the train approached the Santa Village and The Polar Express song started playing! The song was so quick and fun, and it didn’t take long for Pumpkin to start bouncing up and down to the song while she watched the camera move under the twisting train road arches.

“Oooooo!” Pumpkin reacted to seeing the Santa city for the first time.

Patton’s heart was all warm and gushing at Pumpkin’s reactions. Roman was visibly excited about the village as well!

The christmas spirit went uphill from there. Pumpkin learned about the big old man in red known as Santa and his big bag of toys, his deers with horns, and about the big man’s magical powers! He especially loved the amount of joy that filled the sides when they talked about the man wearing red. Whoever this red-coated man was, made the sides so happy! Almost as happy as she makes them! And not only that, but the man in the red suit had a hat just like she did! She was bouncing around and clapping about that!

But excitement soon turned into disappointment when she found out she had to wait for the man in the red suit to come. She didn’t want to wait for the happy old man to come! She wanted to see him now! NOW! She whimpered and paced around the house as she struggled to wait for the old man to come. So while they waited, Logan grabbed a paper and some crayons and let Pumpkin draw a picture for Santa. While that happened, Logan wrote a short christmas letter out for her which read:

[Dear Santa Claus;

Hi Santa! My name is Pumpkin! I just found out about you and the elves in the north pole, and really wanted to see you! I’m sad that I have to wait for you to come, but I’ll try to find fun things to do while I wait for you. For Christmas, I would like lots of candy! Candy is so yummy! And skittles are my favorite! I also love Patton’s crunchy gingerbread cookies! That day, I discovered icing! And it made me bounce off the walls! I would also like for everyone to be extra happy this Christmas. I’m making people happy everyday, but now I can let you make everyone happy too.

Love; Pumpkin! ]

Logan put the letter down, and looked at the picture Pumpkin drew. It was a picture of herself tickling Santa Claus’s belly. Logan couldn’t help but giggle at how Santa’s belly in the picture made him look like he was pregnant. He also giggled at the big smile that was all spread out on Santa’s face. Logan praised her on a drawing well done, and decided to add something to the letter:

[P.S: Your belly looks very big and ticklish!]

Logan grabbed the drawing Pumpkin made, photocopied it, and put the copied version of the drawing in the envelope along with the letter. With everything ready, Logan sealed it shut. “There. Off to the North Pole!” Logan declared to Pumpkin!

Logan mailed it off in the post office a day later.

With Christmas on its way and Pumpkin stuck in a bit of an antsy wait for the magic, Pumpkin started to tickle people a little more often than usual. Any other time of the year, Pumpkin would tickle at least 1 person a day. But with Christmas around the corner and Pumpkin growing hyper, Pumpkin had started tickling all the sides at least once a day! So her tickle attacks jumped from 1 or 2, to 6 every single day!

“NAHAHAHAHAHA! PUHUHUMPKIHIHIHIHIN! NAHAHAHAT MYHYHY AHAHARMPIHIHITS! TOHOHOHOO TIHIHIHICKLIHIHIHISH!” Roman laughed hysterically!

Pumpkin tilted her head curiously, and chose to remove her pods from the armpits like he begged. Roman quickly tried to gain back his breath, but Pumpkin still wanted to hear laughter! So, she made her pod super thin like a pencil and dipped it into his belly button.

“aAAAAEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHE! *snort* HAHAHAHAHAHA! *snort* NOHOHOHO FAHAHAHAHAHAIR!” Roman yelled through his laughter.

Pumpkin playfully stuck her tongue out at him and started to playfully nibble and ripple her blob-like body all over his belly.

Roman’s snorts grew more frequent and his laughter turned cackle-like. It was so ticklish! He was struggling to properly breath! But it was so fun! Roman had been tickled many, many, MANY times by Patton in the past. But THIS!

Holy cow!

Patton’s tickling was NOTHING compared to this!

Pumpkin decided to give him another ticklish, jiggly raspberry to get him squealing. And squealing, she was rewarded! Roman squealed so loud and so high-pitched, that Pumpkin stopped immediately just to process the strange sound!

Roman was a laughing, snorting mess after the squeal. And Pumpkin was loving every millisecond of it. As much as she was enjoying it however, Pumpkin knew when to give the man a long, giggly break. This would involve cuddling her ticklish victim and gently tickling a much less ticklish spot on their body to keep them giggling, but also let them breathe. For Roman, this was his neck.

“Ohohohohohokahahahahahay. Thahahahank yohohohou Puhuhumpkihin!” Roman told her.

Pumpkin smiled and gave his neck a tickly kiss on the neck. Roman giggled more from that, and calmed down the moment her ‘lips’ moved away from his neck. Pumpkin kept up her giggly tickling for a little bit longer before she went for Janus next.

Now, Pumpkin didn’t quite know Janus nearly as much as she knew the rest of the sides. She had even grown to know Remus quicker, than compared to Janus! The half man half snake in yellow, was more mysterious and...preferred his lonely time. So, she gave him his lonely time for the most part. She did come around to see if he was up for a tickle or two, but often walked away empty-handed, yet gaining some progress.

Finally, after weeks and weeks of trying, Pumpkin finally gained the courage to tickle Janus for the first time. She walked up to Janus’s side very quietly...geeently snuck her pod hand under the snake man’s shirt...and gave it a quick tickle.

“eeEEP! WHAT-” Janus turned around and immediately calmed down. Pumpkin made a surprised yip sound, and backed up a little to give him space. “Hi Pumpkin. Sorry about that. I...totally heard you come in.” Janus told her.

...Oh yeah...and then there was the strange way he talked to her and the other sides. He said things backwards. Like just now: if he actually heard her come in, then why was he so surprised and jumpy?

Things like that didn’t make sense to her. But what did make sense, was his calming face. “You tried to tickle me today. You...finally tried and tickled me. And it worked.” Janus told her.

Pumpkin didn’t really know what to do. She was confused. Was anything he was saying, supposed to be backwards? Or normal? Pumpkin couldn’t tell. But all that thinking went right out the window when Janus held his arms out for her. He wanted a hug from her! There was no saying no to THAT! Pumpkin quickly slid up to him and hugged him tightly.

“Wow! You have a very snug and firm hug for a jello being.” Janus admitted.

Jello? Like that blue jiggly stuff that Logan made once?

Pumpkin let him enjoy the hug for a bit. She wanted him to feel safe in her grasp. And perhaps, she may not get any tickles in today. But the only thing that mattered now, is that Janus could be hugged now.

“...Aren’t you gonna tickle me more?” Janus asked.

Pumpkin widened her black eyes. Wait, REALLY?! HE WAS GONNA LET HER TICKLE HIM?! This was what she was waiting for! 16 days of working up to this! And now, she can tickle him!

Pumpkin happily started skittering her pods all over his sides and ribs almost immediately! “Ohoho bohohoy! Hehehere wehehe gohohohoho!” Janus giggled and let go of her so she could get more access to more exposed ticklish spots. Pumpkin happily took the offer and made more pseudopods so she could tickle more spots at once. This was like a special attack that Pumpkin would pull on someone. “aaAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOHOHOU’RE SURPRIHIHISIHIHINGLY GOHOHOOD AHAHAT THIHIHIHIS!” Janus reacted in surprise.

Pumpkin gurgled happily to Janus and continued to tickle Janus wherever she could reach. The upside to having such a jiggly form, was just how well she could kneed the soft spots on her humans! This included the sides and his belly the most. Janus held his fists against his chest as his giggle fits, squeals and laughter filled his bedroom.

Pumpkin absolutely loved his laugh! It was much more bubbly and higher than she expected! It was such an amazing laugh, that Pumpkin chose to give him jiggly raspberries as well! He seemed like the kind of human that would love them! Pumpkin blew a raspberry on his sensitive belly and let her blobby, jello-like body flubber and jiggle to increase the ticklish sensation.

Janus fell into long fits of cackles! He couldn’t stop cackling! Now that he had reached the cackle-stage, there was just no going back! His laughter somewhat reminded Pumpkin of Patton’s laughter: bubbly, childish, and the musical representation of happiness. Though Janus’s wasn’t exactly like his, it was close enough.

“OHOHOKAHAHAHAY! CAHAHAN IHIHIHI HAHAHAVE AHA BREHEHEHEAK PLEHEHEHEASE?” Janus asked.

Pumpkin nodded her head and stopped tickling him almost immediately. As much as she enjoyed the sound of his laughter, she didn’t wanna overdo it. So Pumpkin snuggled herself into Janus and cooed softly.

Janus giggled at this and wrapped his arms around her. “Growing tired?” He asked.

Pumpkin nodded and snuggled herself even further into him.

“That’s ironic, considering I was the one getting tickled.” He joked.

Pumpkin let out a giggly little gurgle as she slowly succumb to her sleepiness. It didn’t take long for the tiredness to start dripping right off her and onto Janus, effecting him as well. Now Janus was growing more and more tired by the second. Janus decided he minus well cuddle himself in and get himself comfy.

It didn’t take long for Janus to fall into a full and deep slumber. It lasted a long while too. Janus didn’t expect to wake up to the smell of garlic or the sounds of something boiling. The garlic was an obvious thing to put together: garlic bread. But boiling? That could be anything!

This boiling sound would end up revealing itself to be spaghetti noodles in a deep pot. As it turned out, Patton was making spaghetti with garlic bread on the side. For Pumpkin, she was gonna have gummy worms with a new little christmas treat for Pumpkin: a Peppermint Pattie! Patton gave her one to try, and had a few unwrapped in a bowl in case she loved it and wanted more.

Pumpkin picked up the peppermint pattie first. She looked at it curiously, split it into two pieces, and ate one of the halves hesitantly. But the moment she chewed on it and actually tasted the pattie, her eyes widened and a HUGE smile grew onto her face!

Remus giggled as he spun his spaghetti. “Ihi think Pumpkin likes the peppermint pattie!” Remus told him.

Patton looked over and sure enough, Pumpkin was standing below him and eagerly reaching her pods out for more peppermint patties! Patton laughed and happily put more peppermint patties onto her dinner plate. Pumpkin happily bounced in place as she ate the gummy worms and enjoyed the taste of the brand new holiday treat.

[lokis-omnistrose]

For My First Trick....er... Post!

I thought I would give a little info about me. Heads-up: If you dislike any of this, you can either put up with it or kindly find the door, because while I will happily entertain intelligent debate/ discussion, telling me I'm wrong for my beliefs (note I said "beliefs". Telling me I'm wrong because I'm misinformed and actively have my *facts* wrong is welcome and encouraged. See below for more) is bigoted, rude, and toxic and will not be entertained. Yes, I sound like a B**** for that, but hey, gotta be honest off the bat, right?

If you're interested in learning more about me...

- I'm Omnist, raised Roman Catholic. What does that mean? Well, it means I'm royally effed up lol. Really, though, it means I was raised in the RC tradition, so have a lot of RC beliefs ingrained in me. However, due to past traumas, you could say I 'lost my faith'. I started believing that I was being punished for something, then realised I had done nothing to be punished for, so wondered why I was being treated the way I was. I drifted away from RC, and gradually found Athena and Artemis and comfort. Over the years, I also discovered the Morrigan, along with multiple others, and found that I believed in multiple pantheons - aka Omnist (not devoted to a specific religion, but religious to a degree).

In recent months, I've started to find that more and more things have been guiding me toward Loki, and have accepted him as my chief male god (until recently, I only followed female gods, mainly a coincidence, but slightly intentional), though strangely, Thor and Odin followed. So yeah, I'm kinda mixed up lol.

- I believe strongly in the number 3. Maybe because of my Catholic upbringing, I feel a strong bond with the number 3 and 'holy trinities'. Triple Goddesses have always meant a lot to me, and I find it no coincidence or surprise that when Loki found me, Thor and Odin followed. My avatar symbol is actually the Triskelion/ Triskele, or a version of the triskeles, which is often used as a representative symbol for triple deities. I became somewhat obsessed with it years ago when I had recently become hooked on symbology, and it's been important to me ever since.

- My 'spirit animals' are wolves and ravens, the latter being most prominent. I've always been drawn to wolves for some reason, but ravens are ever-present in my life in one way or another. If you see me anywhere online, there's a solid chance I either have ravens in my username, avatar or character (skin or accessory), or some version of the word (other language, derivative, etc).

- I change hobbies faster than most people change underpants. Any day you ask, there's a good chance I've either picked up or dropped a hobby. It can be anything, from something as relatively normal as painting to something as relatively unusual as studying grammatical similarities between languages (yes, that's a real one that comes and goes).

- However, the ones that stay are singing, writing, music in general, Marvel/ some DC (yes, I cross the divide, though DC characters just don't interest me as much as a whole, however there are a few I adore), gaming - though I can't actually play video games often because of issues with my hands, crafting, paganism (both as a study and as a practice, to a degree), human rights and their history, mythology, the paranormal, cooking/ food, and herbology.

- I'm Pansexual, but grey-ace. Basically, that means I can be attracted to anyone, regardless of gender, but sexual attraction isn't something I experience on a regular basis. I can go from 'I'mma jump him/ her/ them before long' to 'make me think about sex again and I will throw up' (no exaggeration there). As a result, relationships can be a minefield for me because I desperately want to give love to people, but my drive is about as unpredictable as lightning, so I'm always afraid I'm gonna disappoint whoever I'm with by not being 'enough'. I get the feeling that's likely a common feeling for people like me, so I seek to be open and share with people, because ours isn't a very commonly heard perspective.

- I do not accept bullying. Whether it be of me or of anyone on my blog, anyone I see being bullied online, or (if I feel I can safely step in) irl, I will put a stop to it, or at least try. I've been there, and I know how much it can mess you up for life if it's persistent, and I am not about to stand by and let someone be picked on. If you pick on someone in my comments, prepare to be blocked and/ or named and shamed, and if you send an abusive/ bullying ask, you will receive the same. If anonymous, I may highlight it to show what an immature blockhead you are, but I'm not going to stoop to being abusive. You will be taken down, but I will do so by pointing out every flaw in your ask, not by stooping to your level.

- I welcome everyone, as long as you're nice. Got a question? Go right ahead and ask! Got a suggestion! Lemme know! Wanna be friends? 100%! (though don't expect me to reliably message back and forth because my memory is so crap, I can't guarantee that. I've never had many friends and I'm very introverted, so friendship is not something i'm all that smart about lol).

- I read a crapton of fanfic. Literally most of my followed accounts are fanfic because they inspire me for my own. I don't mean that in the sense that I poach ideas, but more that they help me get back into the groove of wanting to write, and then ideas start moving again. I'll read about a character falling off a wall and suddenly a character I had lost my mojo for will go 'that's a dumb thing to do. Why didn't they just stand against the railing?' and I'll be back in the right mindset to write for them again about the flu I got halfway through writing and got stuck on.

- I write a crapton of fanfic that never gets posted. I literally have well over 100 stories in progress. Most are Marvel, BTS or The Walking Dead, but there are others, and I have more ideas in my head. I have posted some on another account on here (and hey, you may even know me from there, but shhhhh), but most of it is just idle writing that I write for the sake of it, with no real intention to ever post. I don't do it for an audience, but for something to do and to work out my past (and present) issues, so it's common for a story to have elements of abuse or the like which I don't often like to subject people to, so don't bother posting. Not to mention, they never get finished. I have a bit of an unintentional policy that I don't finish stories, because you never know when you'll have another idea for them. That's also why I have some stories with up to 5 different versions. I'll write one scene, but there'll be 5 different ways it could go, so I just write all 5 and go from there.

That's all I can think of for now, but this'll be added to as I think of more, so I'll post if I update this, so people know (if anyone's following). Bye for now, lovelies!

[greenjacketwhitehatdocmui]

Anime Detective:  Relaxed Recap, Part 3

    I was mulling over a cup of coffee, my own special brew.  Nobody else cared for my taste, but the stuff did the job.  I never was much of a Starbucks or coffee house guy.  I liked to do things myself.

    The calls I’d made had gotten me mixed results. Tricia seemed confused that Sally would have been antagonistic towards Animates.  Then again, it’s kind of like a recruit who does well on the interview, only to end up worthless under fire.  Miss Warner might have had a grudge.

    The question was:  Was it against Animates or me in particular?  I’ve made more than my fair share of enemies.  Most of them are in jail.  Those who weren’t in jail were wishing that they were.

    Nene said that she’d run a quick background check while she was out.  Years ago, I would have asked how she could have done that while outside, but nowadays? She has so much fun on her phone that I sometimes have to nudge her out of whatever game she's playing.

    Sometimes I just have to laugh.  Everybody's packing more computing power in their phones than NASA had available for the moon landing.  What do they use it for?  Usually, it's sending a video or a text or something else that Dad never had to put up with.

    I straighten up as Sally comes back.  She wrinkles her nose slightly at the smell of my coffee.

    "What kind of coffee is that?" she asked. "That's not a Starbucks blend, is it?"

    "Nope, it's my own special blend," I say. "I get it from a librarian I know."  As if to demonstrate my point, I take a sip right then and there, just to prove that the stuff isn't fatal.

    She gives me an odd look, as if she's not sure what to make of me.  Good. I want her a little off-balance.

    "So, tell me a little bit about yourself," she began.  She still looked a little unsettled.

    I shrugged.  "There's not much to say.  I'm just a cop doing his job."

    "A job that didn't exist until you filled it," she countered.  "Why you?  Why was there a need for an Anime Detective?"

    I raised an eyebrow.  Now I know that something's off.  This was public knowledge, but she's acting like she's never heard the story.  Nene found my bio in under a second on her phone.  Now this lady was asking me about my life's story?

    I decided to play along.  I'd stick to the version that was for public consumption.

    "There was an incident a while back.  someone was killed and there was a lot of anti-Animate backlash about it.  The suspect was Vampire Princess Miyu--"

    "A vampire?" Sally asked dubiously. "Really?"

    I paused and raised an eyebrow.  I gave her a Look that said "I'm still talking, thank you."

    Looking a little uncomfortable, she backed off. Good.  I wanted her off-balance.

    "As it turned out, she was innocent.  The whole thing showed that regular people and Animates weren't where they needed to be.  So, the mayor and the city council decided to create an office to deal with Human/Animate interactions."

    She eyed me oddly.  "It's just you?  Just this one office takes care of all that?"

    "I've got good people working for me," I said. "It's worked out pretty well so far."

    She frowned.  "I wouldn't call Ryo Saeba a good person."

    That's interesting.  She claimed to be from a small town, didn't know about my history, but knew about Ryo instantly.  The fact that she didn't mention Nene as well was also pretty telling.

    Sally hadn't gone into this interview cold, but she'd been given select information.  Judging by her reactions, she'd been influenced by someone--and it wasn't my ex.  Tricia and I are on pretty good terms.

    "He gets the job done," I said. "He's saved me from some pretty tough situations."

    She didn't say anything.  Instead, her frown deepened for a moment.  Then she took a deep breath and went back to what she probably considered her "professional mode."

    "You know, with that trenchcoat and hat, you look like your average private eye.  I'm surprised that you decided to join the police in the first place."

    I tried not to scoff.  "Private eyes help whoever can pay.  I help whoever comes through my door and asks.  Besides, I come from a blue line."

    She blinked.  "Blue line?"

    "Four generations of my family have been cops. Dad used to walk a beat around the city, before the big reformation with the suburbs.  He never saw much of a difference between Animates and us and neither do I."

    "Any brothers or sisters?"

    "My older brother is working in another precinct. My little sister is working in the legal field.  We're big on law and order," I joked.

    "I see."  She sounded disappointed.  What did she expect?  I wasn't going to share war stories or anything like that.  A lot of the cases I've taken care of are under lock and key for a reason.

    "Hey, I told you that I'm not exactly Mr. Excitement. I'm just a guy taking care of a job."

    "So, you're not into solving mysteries for a thrill?" she asked.  "You don't read about the big detectives?"

    "Honestly?  Mysteries bug the living hell out of me.  I'm not in this for the coffee and donuts and I'm not a cop for a power trip.  I do this to help people."

    "I'm sure that every cop starts off that way," Sally said, a hint of a patronizing tone in her voice.  I didn't like it.

    "It's a choice," I told her.  "You can choose to stay on the path or you can choose to let the job get to you.  The job doesn't make you anything more than what you choose."

    I see her jaw twitch slightly.  She's tapping nervously on her phone.  I'm not meeting her expectations--expectations that someone else gave her.

    Good.  I'm challenging her thoughts.  Now, it was time to redirect things.

    "You know, we've been talking about the job. I'm surprised that you're not asking about Animates in general."

    She hesitated.  "I am...curious," she admitted.  "How do you work with them?  Where did they come from?  Can they--"

    I held up a finger.  "I think we should take a little breather.  After that, I'll be happy to answer your questions regarding Animates."

[potterheads23]

35 Things You Might Not Know About Harry Potter

1. ROWLING AND HARRY SHARE A BIRTHDAY.

They both blow out candles on July 31 (happy birthday, JKR!). And that’s not the only influence Rowling had on her characters: She’s said that Hermione is a bit like her when she was younger, and her favorite animal is an otter—which is, of course, Hermione’s patronus. Plus, both Dumbledore and Rowling like sherbet lemons (Rowling said that the wizard’s “got good taste”).  

2. SHE INVENTED THE NAMES OF THE HOGWARTS HOUSES ON THE BACK OF A BARF BAG.

In 2000, Scholastic gave schoolchildren across the U.S. the opportunity to ask Rowling questions about Harry Potter. When one student asked her, “What made you think of the people's names and dormitories at Hogwarts?” Rowling responded, “I invented the names of the Houses on the back of an airplane sick bag! This is true. I love inventing names, but I also collect unusual names, so that I can look through my notebook and choose one that suits a new character.”

3. EARLY ON, ROWLING WROTE A SKETCH OF THE FINAL CHAPTER OF THE FINAL BOOK.

Rowling calls the idea that she had the first chapter of Deathly Hallowswritten and locked away in the safe “rubbish.” But there was a small element of truth to it: “I had, very early on—but not the first day or anything, probably within the first year of writing—I wrote a sketch for what I thought the final chapter would be,” she told Harry Potter's big screen portrayer, Daniel Radcliffe, in an interview for the Deathly Hallows Part 2 DVD extra features. “I always knew—and this was from really early on—that I was working toward the point where Hagrid carried Harry, alive but supposedly dead, out of the forest, always. I knew we were always working towards a final battle at Hogwarts, I knew that Harry would walk to his death, I planned the ghosts—for want of a better word—coming back, that they would walk with him into the forest,  we would all believe he was walking to his death, and he would emerge in Hagrid’s arms.”

And that mental image is what kept Hagrid alive, despite the fact that he “would have been a natural to kill in some ways,” Rowling said. “But because I always cleaved to this mental image of Hagrid being the one carrying Harry out … That was so perfect for me, because it was Hagrid who and took him into the world, and Hagrid who would bring him back … That’s where we were always going. Hagrid was never in danger.”

4. THE DEMENTORS ARE BASED ON ROWLING’S STRUGGLE WITH DEPRESSION AFTER HER MOTHER’S DEATH.

Rowling’s mother, who had multiple sclerosis, died in 1990, after which Rowling suffered a period of depression. She would use the experience to characterize the Harry Potter’s dementors, creepy creatures that feed on human emotion. “It's so difficult to describe [depression] to someone who's never been there, because it's not sadness," Rowling told Oprah Winfrey. “I know sadness. Sadness is to cry and to feel. But it's that cold absence of feeling—that really hollowed-out feeling. That's what Dementors are.”

5. SHE CREATED QUIDDITCH AFTER A FIGHT WITH HER BOYFRIEND.

“If you want to create a game like Quidditch, what you have to do is have an enormous argument with your then-boyfriend,” Rowling said in 2003. “You walk out of the house, you sit down in a pub, and you invent Quidditch. And I don't really know what the connection is between the row and Quidditch except that Quidditch is quite a violent game and maybe in my deepest, darkest soul I would quite like to see him hit by a bludger.”

6. THE WIZARDING WORLD’S PLANTS COME FROM A REAL BOOK.

“I used to collect names of plants that sounded witchy,” she told 60 Minutes, “and then I found this, Culpeper's Complete Herbal, and it was the answer to my every prayer: flax weed, toadflax, fleawort, Gout-wort, grommel, knotgrass, Mugwort." The book was penned in the 17th century by English botanist and herbalist Nicholas Culpeper; you can read it here.

7. A PROPOSED TITLE FOR THE AMERICAN VERSION OF PHILOSOPHER’S STONE WAS HARRY POTTER AND THE SCHOOL OF MAGIC.

Rowling turned that down, saying, according to American publisher Arthur Levine, “No—that doesn’t feel right to me … What if we called it the Sorcerer’s Stone?” (The French edition, Levine points out in J.K. Rowling: A Bibliography, is called Harry Potter a L'ecole Des Sorciers.)

8. ROWLING MADE COMPLICATED OUTLINES FOR THE BOOKS.

You can see a partial outline for Order of the Phoenix above. The outline has chapter titles, a general outline of the plot, and then more specific plot points for certain characters. (Based on this outline, it looks like Rowling thought about calling Dolores Umbridge Elvira Umbridge instead!)

9. ARTHUR WEASLEY WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE.

In a battle between good and evil this epic, not everyone would make it through alive—that would have led to “very fluffy, cozy books,” she told Meredith Vieira. “You know, suddenly I [would be] halfway through Goblet of Fire and suddenly everyone would just have a really great life and … the plot would go AWOL.”

Which is not to say that Rowling knew exactly who was on the chopping block. She thought about killing Arthur Weasley after he’s attacked by Nagini in Order of the Phoenix, but instead opted to save him, partly because “there were very few good fathers in the book. In fact, you could make a very good case for Arthur Weasley being the only good father in the whole series.” (She also “seriously considered” killing Ron, then thought better of it.)

Instead, Lupin—a character she had no intention of killing when she began the books—and Tonks died during the final Battle of Hogwarts. “I wanted there to be an echo of what happened to Harry just to show the absolute evil of what Voldemort's doing,” she said. “I think one of the most devastating things about war is the children left behind. As happened in the first war when Harry's left behind, I wanted us to see another child left behind. And it made it very poignant that it was [Lupin and Tonks's] newborn son.”

10. TO KEEP DEATHLY HALLOWS FROM LEAKING EARLY, BLOOMSBURY GAVE IT CODENAMES.

You probably wouldn’t have been so interested in reading Edinburgh Potmakers or The Life and Times of Clara Rose Lovett: An Epic Novel Covering Many Generations.

11. HALEY JOEL OSMENT COULD HAVE PLAYED HARRY.

When Steven Spielberg was attached to direct the film adaptation, he wanted Sixth Sense star Haley Joel Osment to play Harry. But the director eventually left over a creative clash with Rowling, and new director Chris Columbus had to find his star. Some 300 kids tested for Harry Potter over a period of seven months; Jonathan Lipnicki (Jerry McGuire) even expressed interest. “There were times when we felt we would never find an individual who embodied the complex spirit and depth of Harry,” Columbus said.

Then, one night, Heyman went to the theater with screenwriter SteveKloves (who ended up penning all but one of the Potter scripts). “There sitting behind me was this boy with these big blue eyes. It was Dan Radcliffe,” he told HeroComplex in 2009. “I remember my first impressions: He was curious and funny and so energetic. There was real generosity too, and sweetness. But at the same time he was really voracious and with hunger for knowledge of whatever kind.” He persuaded Radcliffe’s parents to let their son audition, and the rest is history.

12. RUPERT GRINT’S AUDITION WAS UNUSUAL.

Nine-year-old Emma Watson’s first audition for the role of Hermione took place in her school gym; she auditioned a total of eight times. Grint, then 10, sent in a video audition, and went in a rather unusual direction: “I found out that you could audition by sending a picture of yourself and some information to Newsround,” he said in 2002. “I did my own video with me, first of all, pretending to be my drama teacher who unfortunately was a girl and then I did a rap of how I wanted to be Ron and then I made my own script thing up and sent it off.”

He had some competition, though: Tom Felton auditioned for both Ron and Harry before ultimately being cast as Draco Malfoy.

13. THERE’S A VERY GOOD REASON HARRY’S EYES AREN’T GREEN IN THE MOVIES.

In the books, Harry’s eyes are described as “bright green”—but Radcliffe’s are blue. When Sorcerer’s Stone was in pre-production, Heyman called Rowling and told her their options: They’d tried green contacts; they could also trying making Radcliffe’s eyes green in post-production. How important was it, he wondered, for Harry’s eyes to be green?

Rowling said that the only thing that was really important was that Harry's eyes looked like his mother’s eyes, so whoever played Lily Potter would need to have some resemblance to Radcliffe. This was a relief for Radcliffe, who had an an extremely adverse reaction to the contacts. (He was also allergic to the glasses, which made him break out in acne.)

14. THE BROOMS USED IN THE SERIES AREN’T REGULAR BROOMS.

They were made by modeler Pierre Bohanna using aircraft-grade titanium. “People think of them as a prop the kids are carrying around, but in reality, they have to sit on them,” Eddie Newquist, chief creative officer of the firm Global Entertainment Services, which puts on Harry Potter: The Exhibition, told Popular Mechanics. “They have to be mounted onto motion-control bases for green-screen shots and special-effects shots, so they have to be very thin and incredibly durable. Most of these kids weighed 80 pounds, 90 pounds [at the beginning]. Now they're all adults, so they're up over 120, 130 pounds, and you have to really make sure your brooms can withstand that.”

15. THE ROLE OF PEEVES WAS CAST AND FILMED—THEN CUT.

British comedian Rik Mayall was cast as Hogwarts’s prank-happy poltergeist in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. He showed up and shot the scenes, which were later cut when director Chris Columbus decided he didn’t like the look of the ghost. Mayall described the experience in a 2011 interview:

I got sent off the set because every time I tried to do a bit of acting, all the lads who were playing the school kids kept getting the giggles, they kept corpsing, so they threw me off.

Well, they asked me to do it with my back to them and they still laughed. So they asked me to do it around the other side of the cathedral and shout my lines, but they still laughed so they said they’d do my lines with someone else. So then I did a little bit of filming, then I went home and I got the money. That’s significant. Then a month later, they said: ‘Er, Rik, we’re sorry about this, but you’re not in the film. We’ve cut you out of the film.’ … But I still got the money. So that is the most exciting film I’ve ever been in, because I got the oodle and I wasn’t in it. Fantastic.

He didn’t tell his kids his part had been cut, though, and when they went to see it, “they came back and they said: ‘Bloody good make up. You didn’t look like yourself at all dad,’” Mayall said. “They thought I was playing Hagrid, Robbie Coltrane’s part.”

16. THE ACTRESS WHO PLAYED MOANING MYRTLE WAS MUCH OLDER THAN A STUDENT.

Shirley Henderson was 36 when she played the bathroom-haunting ghost of a 14-year-old student who was killed by a basilisk’s stare in Chamber of Secrets. Playing a ghost was tougher than playing a real person, she told the BBC, “because of all the technical stuff it involved. I had to be strapped up to this harness so it looked as if I was flying and so I could be pushed through the air and twisted and turned over and over again. It's physically very tiring on your body. It also requires a lot of concentration, because there's all kinds of people shouting stuff like 'Turn, do this, look at this' so they can do all their stuff with the computer effects while I'm trying to act it out. But once you block all that out, it's great fun. Really good fun.”

17. PRISONER OF AZKABAN DIRECTOR ALFONSO Cuarón ASKED THE TRIO TO WRITE ESSAYS ABOUT THEIR CHARACTERS.

Alfonso Cuarón wanted Watson, Radcliffe, and Grint to write essays about their characters from a first person point of view. According to Heyman, “they all responded very much in character … Dan wrote a page, Emma wrote 10 and Rupert didn't deliver anything.” Grint told Entertainment Weekly, “I didn't do mine, because I didn't think Ron would. Or that was my excuse. At the time, I was actually quite busy with the real schoolwork involved with my exams, and I just didn't do it. But in the end, it felt right because that's what Ron would have done.”

18. ROWLING SHOT DOWN ONE OF Cuarón’S IDEAS.

Rowling wasn’t precious about all of the details of her books (see: Harry’s eye color). “Inevitably, you have to depart from the strict storyline of the books,” she told Radcliffe. “The books are simply too long to make into very faithful films.” But that didn’t mean she’d let everything slide: “Sometimes I would dig my heels in on the funniest things,” she said. “I’d say yeah, change the costume, that’s not a problem … And then all of a sudden I’d say, ‘Why would they do that spell? They wouldn’t do that there.’”

Take, for example, one shot that Cuarón wrote into Prisoner of Azkaban, which Rowling called “rather bizarre.” “I think Flitwick was conducting, and there were miniature people in an orchestra inside something,” she told Radcliffe. “I said to him, but why? I know it’s visually exciting, but part of what I think fans really enjoyed about the literary world is that there was a logic that underpinned it. There was always a logic to the magic, however strange it became. And I know it’s intriguing to go through the mouth of whatever it was and see these little people, but why have they done it? For you to film it, that’s just what it feels like. Normally, with the magic, there’s a point. So we had a bit of discussion.”

19. ROWLING TIPPED ALAN RICKMAN OFF TO SNAPE’S MOTIVATIONS.

“I told him really early on that Snape had been in love with Lily, that’s why he hated James, that’s why he projected this amount of dislike onto Harry,” Rowling told Radcliffe. “So he knew that. Then you told me that he’d been saying … ‘I just don’t think Snape would do that, given what I know.’” She laughed, continuing, “And I thought, ‘Alan, are you really milking this now?’”

She also tipped Radcliffe off to Harry’s (partial) fate after seeing him in Equus. Radcliffe asked her, point blank: “Do I die?”

“You get a death scene,” Rowling told him.

“I saw you double-take,” Rowling said. “Neal, my husband, afterward, said, ‘What did Dan ask you?’ And I said ‘He wanted to know if he’s going to die.’” When he asked what she’d said, Rowling told him, “I’m not telling you!” Though her husband was tipped off to Dumbledore's fate ahead of time, Rowling kept Harry’s ultimate fate a secret till the end.

20. THE ACTORS COULDN’T PLAY CONTACT SPORTS.

Instead, they played golf. ''[At Leavesden Studios], Rupert Grint and my brother [James] and I would hang out at the driving range downstairs quite a bit,” Oliver Phelps, who played George Weasley, told EW. “I mean, I say driving range, but it was a mat and a 150-yard cone at the other end. Golf was one of the only sports we were allowed to do in our contract because it was relatively quite safe. We couldn't do any contact sports.”

21. THE MOVIES FEATURED SOME HIGH TECH VISUAL EFFECTS …

Visual effects artists were tasked with bringing many of the fantastic magical elements of Harry Potter to life, including everything from fire-breathing dragons and club-swinging giants to zombie-like Inferi and Voldemort’s snake-like face (which was created by using practical makeup and digitally removing Ralph Fiennes’s nose). One of their most challenging sequences came early in Deathly Hallows, when members of the Order of the Phoenix arrive at Privet Drive to whisk Harry away to a safe spot. Multiple Harrys, Mad-Eye Moody says, will confuse the Death Eaters on their trail—so some of the wizards chug Polyjuice Potion and transform into Harry.

The transformation was tough for visual effects artists to pull off. "We needed to have a little bit of the attributes of Harry, and a little bit of the attributes of whoever we started with—George, Fred, Ron, Hermione," Nicolas Aithadi, VFX supervisor at Moving Picture Company, told Popular Mechanics. "The tricky part is you have to be able to read the Harry part and the George part. What we keep from each of these characters has to be perfect." They accomplished it by coating the actors’ faces in UV paint, then having them make faces in the Mova Contour Reality Capture system, which has 29 cameras and can capture 50,000 points of information, creating a 3D mesh cloud they could use as a basis for the transforming faces.

According to Phelps, it was completely different than anything they’d ever done before. “There are probably 30 different facial expressions they tried to get you to do,” he told Popular Mechanics. “I never realized how wide I could open my mouth until we did that scene, so that was quite cool.” Because of the UV paint, the VFX artists had one piece of advice, Phelps said: “They were quite keen to say, ‘Just don't go to any nightclubs tonight, because you'll look like a floating head.’”

22. … BUT NOT ALL THE EFFECTS WERE COMPUTER GENERATED.

Animatronics were made for the actors to interact with on set, including baby mandrakes, Hedwig, the Monster Book of Monsters, and Buckbeak, which was used on-set for close ups. “He could stare at you, his eyes could follow you, he could bow, and every one of his feathers was dyed and put in by hand,” Newquist told PopMech. “There are tens of thousands of them, and they look absolutely gorgeous.”Other creatures were built to give the animators reference for lighting, like the giant Jack-in-the-Box from Prisoner of Azkaban and house elf Kreacher.

23. THE FILM’S MAKEUP ARTISTS APPLIED THE LIGHTNING BOLT SCAR MANY, MANY TIMES OVER THE COURSE OF EIGHT FILMS.

Five thousand eight hundred times, to be exact. In our 2014 interview with Radcliffe, he told us, “The lightning scar, on the first two films, we essentially painted it on, and after that we used Pros-Aide, which was like a glue [to put it on]. It was very simple.” The scar was applied to his face 2,000 times; the rest went on film and stunt doubles. Radcliffe also went through 160 pairs of Harry’s round-frame glasses.

24. HELENA BONHAM CARTER KEPT HER BELLATRIX TEETH.

“I loved my [fake] teeth!” the actress told EW. “I kept them because they're not going to fit anybody else. I keep them in a blue plastic thing in the bathroom and bring them out when I miss [Bellatrix].’”

25. THERE COULD HAVE BEEN AN OFFICIAL HARRY POTTER MUSICAL.

Rowling has turned down a lot of proposed Harry Potter ideas—including, she told Winfrey, a musical that Michael Jackson wanted to do. Earlier this year, Rowling announced that she’s working with a team to bring a new Harry Potter story to the stage; Harry Potter and the Cursed Childwill hit the West End in 2016.

26. DUMBLEDORE WAS GAY.

In 2007, when asked by a fan whether or not Hogwarts’s favorite headmaster had ever been in love, Rowling responded, “I always thought of Dumbledore as gay.” She revealed that he had fallen in love with Grindelwald, “and that added to his horror when Grindelwald showed himself to be what he was.”

Rowling said she found the reaction to the news very interesting. “To me it was not a big deal,” she told Radcliffe. “This is a very old man who has a very terrible job to do. And his gayness is not really relevant. Very relevant to him as a character, because I always saw him as a very lonely character. And I think that there is in fact a hint of it in [Deathly Hallows] because of the relationship he has with Grindelwald. He fell very hard for this boy ...  And don’t you think it was perfect that Dumbledore, who is always the great champion of love … his one great experience of love was utterly tragic.”

This led to one very necessary tweak to the Half-Blood Prince script. “In an early draft of that script, Dumbledore said to Harry … ‘I remember a young woman with eyes of flashing whatever, raven-haired…’ and I read this and I scribbled on my copy of the script, ‘Steve, Dumbledore is gay,’ shoved it up the table,” she said. “And Steve [said,] ‘Oh.’ So that’s why that line didn’t make the film.”

27. ROWLING ACKNOWLEDGED THAT A HARRY/HERMIONE PAIRING MIGHT HAVE WORKED.

In an interview with Emma Watson for Wonderland magazine in 2014, Rowling said that “I wrote the Hermione/Ron relationship as a form of wish fulfillment,” saying that they ended up together “for reasons that have very little to do with literature and far more to do with me clinging to the plot as I first imagined it … The attraction itself is plausible but the combative side of it … I’m not sure you could have got over that in an adult relationship, there was too much fundamental incompatibility.”

She noted that “in some ways Hermione and Harry are a better fit,” and that she felt that “quite strongly” when she wrote a particular scene in Deathly Hallows, where Harry and Hermione are in the tent. “I hadn’t told [Steve] Kloves that and when he wrote the script he felt exactly the same thing at exactly the same point,” she said.

28. BACK IN THE DAY, THE MALFOYS HUNG OUT WITH RICH MUGGLES.

“Until the imposition of the Statute of Secrecy in 1692, the Malfoy family was active within high-born Muggle circles, and it is said that their fervent opposition to the imposition of the Statute was due, in part, to the fact that they would have to withdraw from this enjoyable sphere of social life,” Rowling wrote on Pottermore. In fact, one Malfoy might have had designs on the British Throne: “There is ample evidence to suggest that the first Lucius Malfoy was an unsuccessful aspirant to the hand of Elizabeth I, and some wizarding historians allege that the Queen's subsequent opposition to marriage was due to a jinx placed upon her by the thwarted Malfoy,” Rowling writes. The Malfoys gave up their Muggle fraternizing when the Ministry of Magic, “the new heart of power,” was founded.

29. MOANING MYRTLE HAS AN INTERESTING INSPIRATION.

Rowling wrote on Pottermore that the whiny, bathroom-dwelling ghost was inspired by “the frequent presence of a crying girl in communal bathrooms, especially at the parties and discos of my youth. This does not seem to happen in male bathrooms, so I enjoyed placing Harry and Ron in such uncomfortable and unfamiliar territory in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.”

30. MUGGLES CAN’T MAKE POTIONS.

And that’s because you can’t make potions without wands. “Merely adding dead flies and asphodel to a pot hanging over a fire will give you nothing but nasty-tasting, not to mention poisonous, soup,” Rowling wrote on Pottermore. Though her least favorite subject in school was Chemistry, she admitted that “I always enjoyed creating potions in the books, and researching ingredients for them. Many of the components of the various draughts and libations that Harry creates for Snape exist (or were once believed to exist) and have (or were believed to have) the properties I gave them.”

31. ROWLING’S EDUCATION CAME IN HANDY.

At university, she minored in Classics, and she put that education to good use, peppering the books with Latin. “It just amused me, the idea that wizards would still be using Latin as a living language, although it is, as scholars of Latin will know,” she said in 2000. “I take great liberties with the language for spells. I see it as a kind of mutation that the wizards are using.” Expelliarmus, for example, combines expellere, meaning “drive out” or “expel,” with arma, meaning “weapon,” and knocks weapons from an enemy’s hands. Incendio, which lights a fire, comes from incendiarius, or “fire-raising.” And Hogwarts’s motto is Draco Dormiens Numquam Titillandus—“Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon.”

32. THERE WAS ONE HARRY POTTER QUESTION ROWLING FEARED THE MOST.

It was “What was Dumbledore's wand made of?”

“That would have been quite a telling question,” Rowling told Time. “Because I had this elder thing in my mind, cause elder has this association in folklore, it's the death tree. I thought, ‘What am I going to say?’” Thankfully, no one ever asked.

33. STEPHEN KING THOUGHT DOLORES UMBRIDGE WAS A GREAT VILLAIN.

In his review of Order of the Phoenix for Entertainment Weekly, King said, “The gently smiling Dolores Umbridge, with her girlish voice, toadlike face, and clutching, stubby fingers, is the greatest make-believe villain to come along since Hannibal Lecter” [PDF].

34. YOU CAN SPOT A CRUMPLE-HORNED SNORKACK IN THE WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER ...

It’s on the second story of the Magical Menagerie. Luna’s father, Xenophilius Lovegood, claimed it was a real creature, but it was never found. Rowling said that Luna, who became a naturalist, had to eventually “accept that her father might have made that one up.”

35. … AS WELL AS ARTHUR WEASLEY’S FLYING CAR.

The flying Ford Anglia—which Harry and Ron flew into the Whomping Willow and later saved them from Acromantulas in the books—can be found in line for the Dragon Challenge roller coaster, just over the bridge and before entering the castle.

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Putting the Cat in Catastrophe Chapter 1 (edited)

Bonjour, mes chers! I’m about to upload chapter two in half an hour or so here, but this is the edited chapter of TCC where I had to edit a few things to make it work better once I finished plotting it all out. Enjoy! Also, a new thing, I’ll be uploading the chapter fully onto tumblr. Neat, huh? 

If you’re a Patron of mine then you can find a link the the old version of the story - and even notes of what I wanted to do! - on my patreon at mjanderson! You can pledge as little as a dollar a month and get access to a bunch of cool things. Go check it out!

Click here to read on FFN Click here to read on AO3

Summary:   Danny Fenton has just escaped from a secret government testing facility and runs straight into Andrew Riter - a busybody librarian who seems to be obsessed with helping a stray black cat - said stray black cat happening to be Danny himself. The Government gets interested when they find out a seemingly ordinary human can shapeshift into different animals. Danny just wants to return to his family and try to find his lost memories, but he's having a hard time doing so when he's finding less and less reasons for leaving Andrew's side. He couldn't tell anyone his secret - not again - but... But why did he want to trust this man so badly? (Iambic Prose) (Shapeshifter Danny AU)

Warning: This story will have references to laboratory testing, mentions of vivisections, blood, wounds, character trauma, and things of a similar sort. Most mentions of such things will be vague, but there will be heavy mentions of it and warnings at the beginning of chapters when it gets explicit.

<<Next Chapter>>

Chapter One

:: 

It could be said that how a person’s day went was largely determined by their mood and their personal worldview. With such an outlook, it would be correct in saying that if you looked upon the day with a cheery smile and attitude, then you would have a happy day no matter what bad things befell you.

Andrew Riter would like nothing more than to punch the face of whoever had said that. Preferably with a knife, but a regular punch and kick to the balls would work just as well, he was certain.

See, Andrew would readily admit that he wasn’t that optimistic of a person - in fact, he was usually downright sour to people and for good reason. He dealt with enough stupidity at work and school, he didn’t need it in his daily life. There was a reason he avoided social contact as best he could. He still did his best to enjoy his days and take them one at a time, of course, but that was very difficult when his day had become a giant shitshow.

It started, as always, when he woke up to nothing but wonderful peace and quiet. That was very bad since it meant his alarm hadn’t gone off. A look to his piece of shit alarm clock had showed he only had an hour to get ready for work. It wasn’t the best, but at least he hadn’t slept through the start of his shift. Which, that was fine. It could have been a still okay day since it meant he got more sleep, but, no.

He quickly found out his depression and anxiety medication were completely empty. Completely as in there was a post-it note reminding him to refill the damn things, but he hadn’t, so screw his past self. The day could have been saved by a good cup of morning coffee and a muffin or two, but his cabinets were dismally empty and the only thing in his refrigerator that wasn’t expired were some eggs and milk. He hated dairy. As for the new bag of coffee he got… He grabbed the wrong one last time he was at the store.

So with a horribly cold shower because the water in his apartment sucked, Andrew had gone out the door and had been five seconds away from a full blown panic attack because of the fucking espresso coffee he bought that existed for the sole reason of people hating themselves. It may not have been as bad if he hadn’t been stopped on the stairwell three times by his neighbors.

Vidya, his sadistic landlord who he was absolutely certain was a witch of some sort due to the fact she always smelled of plants and wore a lot of black and green and had grey hair when she was thirty, had wanted to discuss that month’s rent and was not assured by Andrew telling her - quite often - that his paycheck would be coming in just a few days and could she please stop threatening eviction when she never went through with it? Either commit or don’t, but stop acting like his life wasn’t in her hands, honestly.

He had then been stopped on the second floor by Sam who had spent almost half an hour screaming at him over the ethics of animal testing. Sam was a childhood friend who had ‘coincidentally’ wound up in the same apartment as him and tended to dress on the more vampire side of goth. The black hair fooled no one when the roots were so quick to fade back to blonde. Ugh. She also had this thing about animal testing. Andrew was of the opinion that he didn’t care at all and Sam seemed to think him a monster for not caring about - what even had she been upset about this time? Eyeliner on bunnies? Andrew couldn't care less. Actually, he probably could care less! This was him! Not caring!

Oh and then Tucker. Tucker, another ‘coincidental’ childhood friend and certifiable genius when it came to mechanics and computers and looked like a nerd straight from the 80s or early 90s, had stopped him five feet from the door and spent thirty minutes trying to talk to him about theoretical physics. Andrew was just trying to get his Associate in Arts and then transfer to a nice four-year to study Creative Writing - maybe Journalism if he got curious and or desperate enough. He was not killing himself with a double major in Engineering and Physics or whatever the hell it was Tucker did. Of course, that did nothing to stop the ‘genius’ from talking his ear off. By the time he got outside to his bus stop the bus had been gone for twenty minutes and his shift started in ten. His job was fifteen minutes away by car.

Needless to say, that left Andrew very cranky and running through alleyways and down not so safe streets as he tried to take shortcuts in whatever way he could in order to get to the library he worked at on time. Three minutes of trying to find the right street and proving he had just circled a block and wasted time almost sent him to tears before he heard his phone buzzing with a familiar ringtone.

Taking a breath, and trying not to hysterically laugh at the ‘Werewolves of London’ song he now had playing and couldn’t figure out how to change, Andrew clicked accept call and tried to stay calm. Focused. Peaceful. “Bonjour, grand frère.”

“What did you do and what do I need to fix?” Rude. Randy had called him, thank you very much. “Andy, you only call me that when you want something or you’re about to have a nervous breakdown. Are you about to have a nervous breakdown- Shit, you took your meds this morning, didn’t you?” Dammit.

“I’m not screwed up enough to forget my meds, thanks.” How did his brother always manage to call right when he was feeling at his worst or when he ran out of his pills? He was pretty sure the man had him bugged. It wouldn’t surprise him. He took overprotective to whole new levels. “Why did you call me?”

“Lunch!” Oh. It was one of their lunch days, wasn’t it? “Our lunch breaks should align today, so I figured we could meet up at our usual place around then?” It was ridiculous that Andrew could hear the ‘are you okay’ hidden in those words.

“Lunch sounds fine.” Randy was annoying, but he had this ridiculous way of making Andrew find a reason to not just curl into a ball and never wake up. He also made Andrew feel better about his own wreck of a life considering the messes he got himself into. “You’re paying, Mr. $82,000 a year.”

“Hey, I’m not that good of a vet yet and I’m still paying off student loan debts!” Feeling a small smile on his face, Andrew sighed softly. Randy somehow always made it okay again. He would die before telling that to his face, of course, but still. “I’ll meet you in a few hours. Try not to get lost in your books, Andy.”

“Try not to flirt with the owners of your patients, Randy.” Honestly, his decision to become a veterinarian had come out of left field, but Andrew couldn’t deny he did a good job. “Especially that one you’re so fond of. Now, what was his name… It started with an N?”

“Bye, love you, gotta go!” The call disconnected and Andrew gave in to the urge to laugh. Seeing the time, his laugh quickly fell and, right, he should at least call in to let the library know he was going to be a little bit late. Of course - of course - he got four rings in before his phone died. Because apparently his phone hadn’t charged from the night before even though Andrew had unplugged it this morning.

And as if the gods had somehow heard of his day and decided he needed to suffer even more, the clouds above him rumbled with the menacing beats of thunder and lightning cracked against the sky like a jagged edge of a wound. It took only a second for Andrew to realize he was fucked and two for the rain to begin falling.

Within fifteen minutes he was late, soaked, and felt as if he had offended some minor deity over something or other - or maybe it was Vidya making him suffer for being behind on his rent. Mm. Maybe he had broken a mirror or spilled some salt, actually. That sounded like his kind of luck. Heh. Maybe it was divine punishment. He obviously hadn’t suffered enough for what he had done, right?

By the time he got to the library he was pretty sure his clothes were ruined and he would never be dry again. At least he could get inside and clean up in the bathroom before sitting himself right over a heating vent and sorting books. It was a nice, quiet library and it was raining like it wouldn’t stop for forty days. He was sure the owner wouldn’t mind. In fact, he could even… He… He could stare at the locked doors and dark windows.

Gaze caught on the white notice posted to the main door, Andrew could only stare, utterly speechless. It was Memorial Day. They were closed on Memorial Day. Andrew had just walked for what was probably close to thirty minutes in the rain and… And… At least he wasn’t late. That was great. That was fucking fantastic.

Shoving a hand in his bag to see if he had some magical solution that would fix all of his problems, Andrew stared at the purple umbrella that came out and began mocking him at once. He stared for what felt like an eternity before he clicked the button and ducked into the alleyway. Sitting down on a set of side steps that led to an unstable backdoor, Andrew propped the umbrella up over him and stared at the red brick wall across from him.

It wasn’t even noon, yet, and his day was completely ruined and shot all to hell. The worst part was that this wasn’t even the first time this had happened - maybe the exact circumstances were, but getting screwed over by life? No, no, Andrew was very familiar with getting screwed over.

Glasses fogged up, breath still short from his running, and soaked through to the bone, Andrew could only bury his face into his hands and make a noise that he hoped was closer to a groan than a sob. It was always like this. Life built up to where he couldn’t handle the strain, everything came crashing down around him, and he shattered. Eventually he would put himself back together, but it kept feeling like it was harder and harder to be able to do that.

A clash of thunder and lightning and gust of wind had him trying to bite down another sob/groan. Of all the things he expected to happen next in his life, it wasn’t to hear an answering hiss to his own pathetic noise.

Head jerking up, Andrew stared down at the pathetic scrap of fur that sat in front of him, just as soaked and just as pissed as he felt himself - although the scrap of fur looked to be as broken as Andrew probably looked. Staring for a moment, Andrew huffed and looked at the black cat with a wry smile, “Bonjour, chat noir. Are you the cause of my bad luck today, then?”

At least animals didn’t judge you for speaking French first instead of English, he mused. Sighing, Andrew fixed his glasses, trying to see. He had given up wiping them off after the first few minutes of the rain storm. “Would you like to add to today’s woes, then? I’m sure there’s nothing else you can do to me, at this point, but you’re welcome to try.”

There was a rumbling little growl that sounded utterly pathetic, Andrew huffing out a laugh as he stared at the mangy thing. No doubt the cat was covered with fleas, ticks, and other unsavory bugs. The ribs poking out showed he hadn’t had a decent meal in weeks - maybe months. Poor thing probably wouldn’t make it through the night.

Tilting his umbrella forward, Andrew propped his cheek up on his hand - elbow balanced on his knee - as the fabric kept anymore rainwater from getting on the cat. “There you go. Might as well. Not like I can get much more wet myself.” The rain was freezing as hell, of course, so Andrew was being a complete idiot by doing this for a cat that looked ready to claw his eyes out. Ugh. Why did he have to pity small, tiny things?

The cat grumbled and stared at Andrew hard before leaning forward and giving as quick a headbutt to Andrew’s leg as he could, Andrew amused to see that the cat looked disgruntled at even that much. “You’ve had a very hard life, haven’t you?” The meow sounded like utter, sarcastic agreement. Maybe Andrew was projecting. “I know what that’s like, petit chaton. Would you like to hear about my cursed day?”

So, of course, Andrew spent the next however long telling a cat about how terrible his day had been. The cat seemed to be an attentive audience, at least, nodding along and making little rumbling noises close to a purr as he said something particularly witty. Andrew wasn’t sure if that was meant to be amusement or a reprimand- A cat. He was projecting emotions onto a cat. He had fallen far, hadn’t he?

“I imagine your story is much more interesting, though.” Andrew stared down at the mangy little stray, the cat staring back up at him before jumping up into his lap. Andrew scrambled to keep the thing from falling and not dropping the umbrella, calming his racing pulse down. “A warning would have been nice, you know.”

The cat meowed with what sounded like derision, Andrew huffing and ready to argue before going utterly still and silent as bright blue eyes caught onto him own. “I didn’t know black cats had such bright eyes.” The cat only settled down tiredly, looking utterly exhausted, but those eyes… No. No, it had been years and it was time to get over it. Happy endings like those in his books didn’t exist in this world. The sooner he realized that days like this one were the norm, the better off he would be. After all, you couldn’t get disappointed when you expected the worst, right?

But, still. Andrew couldn’t stop himself from threading his fingers through the small creature’s fur, the threat of tears starting to fade. The fur was rather soft even with the rainwater that drenched them. Actually the storm was starting to lessen into a drizzle.

Leaning back against the unstable backdoor, Andrew sighed and closed his eyes, biting his lip as his fingers tightened on the fur. Black fur with blue eyes. That… “You know, I like to think that black cats are actually lucky.” It wasn’t possible - it wasn’t - but… It wouldn’t hurt him anymore to keep hoping, right?

Just one last time.

[kc-meets-dc]

Metahuman Trafficking

Since I’m going to be super freaking busy tomorrow, I figured I’d move the theory sharing up a day since I have a break right now. First up, as voted for by all of you, is the category of Metahuman trafficking! Theories are all below the cut. Get ready, because this rant is loooooooong

So, how this is going to work is I’m gonna be splitting this rant into two parts: which Metahumans we might see being targeted by the Metahuman trafficking and who will be doing the trafficking in the first place. But, before I get to any of that, I’m gonna do a quick little spiel about what I think the Metahuman trafficking will look like and what role it will play in the season as a whole.

Now, in the real world, regular human trafficking is defined as forcibly and illegally moving people from one place to another to use for labor, sexual slavery, or other things. I assume that Metahuman trafficking will be similar, only it will be people transporting Metahumans either to different countries or even different planets for use as living weapons. After all, the series literally started with The Light wanting a powerful, superhuman weapon at their disposal: Superboy. So, it makes sense that they, as well as other evildoers, will be wanting to use Metahumans as weapons now, especially after how obsessed The Reach were with them and with The Light bringing Earth and its Metahuman population to the attention of basically the entire galaxy.

Now, there will probably be some different versions of what Metahuman trafficking actually looks like in the series. One way it could look like is what The Reach were doing in season two: kidnapping regular humans and forcibly activating their Metagenes, turning them into living weapons. This is probably what we’ll see first in the season, as I’m sure that The Light wouldn’t want to make it too obvious that they were specifically targeting Metahumans. They would want to make it just look like regular kidnapping and human trafficking until The Team eventually figures out what’s really going on. The other, more obvious, way that this could go down is kidnapping people who already have their Metagenes activated, putting Inhibitor Collars on them, and then shipping them off to wherever in the galaxy they’re wanted in exchange for loyalty, technology, or other things they would find useful from certain planets (Apokolips in particular probably).

There’s one more thing I wanted to mention before we move on to the “Who is involved” parts of the question. I believe that certain members of The Team will be targeted by Metahuman trafficking as well. That The Light will probably stop underestimating these heroes just because they’re children, and that they will attempt to kidnap a few of them to trade to other planets. My number one guess for who they’ll be after is, of course, Blue Beetle. We already saw that Jaime was being used by whoever had conquered Earth in Bart’s time period (Originally thought to be The Reach, but now I think it’s most likely Apokolips) as a soldier to keep Earth’s population in check. I think Jaime will likely get captured and will be placed under the control of Darkseid to be used as his personal slave soldier to take over Earth. In fact, I think that may be how this season ends: Darkseid arrives on Earth in person, beats down the whole Team, and takes Jaime to be put under his control. Season four will then probably pick up a few years after after that with Jaime, as well as other members of The Team that I will be going over later, now being a soldier for Apokolips and, by extension, The Light. This moment will be especially poignant if Jaime is made the leader of The Team like I stated in my original theories post.

Okay, I’m done talking about the what. Now let’s move on to the who...

Who Will Be Targeted?

There are several Metahumans that I think will definitely be targeted by The Light for their Metahuman trafficking operations. Here are a few examples just off the top of my head...

Raven! Doy! Of course she’s number one on this list! Fans have been clamoring for Raven to appear on Young Justice for a long while now, and, with this Metahuman trafficking arc, I think this is the prime time for her to make her first appearance. I believe that Raven will be one of the first Metahumans to be rescued by The Team and that, obviously, she will eventually (Key word: eventually) develop into a romantic interest for Beast Boy. That’s not just my own personal hope, that’s what I actually think. Raven and Beast Boy were actually romantically involved together in the comics, as I just recently found out, so the two of them hooking up seems to make a lot of sense. Especially since the writers recently revealed that they have big plans for Beast Boy this season. Then there’s the other character that could bring out some great character development from Beast Boy...

Terra! This is the reason why I said Raven will EVENTUALLY become a romantic interest for Beat Boy.I believe that Terra will be one of the Metahumans rescued by The Team, but this rescue will be a ruse for The Light to get another inside man (Girl this time) on The Team after such success with Red Arrow five-plus years ago. Towards the end of the season, Terra will betray The Team, allowing The Light to take some of the heroes captive for their own uses in the coming seasons. I believe Terra’s introduction is what the writers meant by “we’ll be seeing big things from Beast Boy this season.” I know that the whole “Terra’s betrayal” storyline has been done on TV before, but the Judas Contract storyline is one of the most famous DC storylines to date, so it definitely warrants a second appearance in the world of television. I especially think that the YJ writers will be pulling a Judas Contract twist on us because of the release of the Judas Contract animated movie earlier this year. It’s still fresh in our minds, which makes it perfect to bring that storyline (Or at least something similar to it) to Young Justice season three

Empress! For those of you who don’t know who this is, Empress is a Metahuman with mind control abilities and some magical powers as well. Given that her powers allow her to control other people, she would be very useful to The Light and other villainous organizations that want Metahumans. Empress’ origin in the Young Justice comics is ironically very similar to what Arrowette’s origin is in the Young Justice TV show. See, she first became a hero after being rescued by, surprise surprise, Arrowette! My theory is that she’ll be one of the Metahumans being targeted by The Light, will be rescued by Arrowette like in the comics, and will then move on to becoming a hero in her own right later. I also believe that, like Arrowette, she’ll start out much younger than she is in the comics, and will become a hero after another time jump or two. So, we probably won’t be seeing her on The Team just yet, but fingers crossed for future seasons!

My final guess (For now at least) for who The Light will be targeting for their Metahuman trafficking operations is a tad bit ironic because, well, his powers actually are all about light!

The Ray! I think this hero is definitely going to appear this season, especially since the writers are planning to introduce more LGBT characters. In the Rebirth storyline that’s going on in DC right now, The Ray is actually a gay character, and in the original Young Jusitce comics, while he wasn’t gay back then, he was a member of the Young Justice team. And, speaking of characters made gay in the Rebirth storyline (Or at least I think this other one was. If I’m wrong, somebody please correct me), I think The Ray is a prime candidate for being what a lot of Young Justice fans have been clamoring for: Aqualad’s boyfriend! Just for the record, since I’m the first one to theorize this (Again, if I’m wrong, please correct me), I think I should get first dibs on naming their ship. We shall call them: Glowfish! Let me know if you think that sounds good, or if you have a better name for it

Now that I’ve named a few characters whom I think will be targeted by Metahuman trafficking, it’s time to move on to...

Who Will Be Doing The Trafficking

Now, obviously The Light and Apokolips are the number one candidates for the answer to this question, but the real question is who will be helping them? Here are a few of my theories for characters that will be aiding The Light in their Metahuman trafficking operations...

Ravager! With Deathstroke most likely in prison, Ravager, AKA Rose Wilson, will most likely be wanting to follow in her father’s footsteps, be it willingly or not, and become an ally of The Light. Of course, she’ll most likely betray The Light and her father and turn to the side of good later on in the season. I also believe that Static will be a big part of why she turns against The Light, which I will talk about a little further down this post.

Now, my next guess for who will be working with The Light is a bit of a long shot, but, after mulling it over for a while, it makes a bit more sense than my original theory about him...

Red Hood! Now, I know what you’re all thinking: The Light are likely the ones behind Jason’s death, so why would he be helping them? Well, as those of you who have seen the Under the Red Hood movie will know, Jason originally blames his death on Batman. My theory is that, as a way of getting back at Batman, Jason starts working for the Dark Knight’s greatest enemies, hiring himself out as a mercenary to them whenever needed. Eventually, The Team will figure out who’s under the hood and convince him to come back to the side of good. Jason rejoins The Team, not as Robin, but as the Red Hood, or he might even join the Outsiders. Either way, I don’t think fans will be disappointed by Jason Todd’s appearance in Young Justice.

Speaking of the Batfam, there’s one other person that I think could be helping The Light before being turned over to the side of good...

Damian Wayne! As you all know, Damian Wayne is the son of Bruce Wayne and Talia al Ghul. Originally, he was trained by his mother and grandfather to be an assassin, which I think will be his original role in the series. I think that Damian will be one of The Light’s newest, toughest, and, of course, youngest enforcers until he finds out that Batman is his dad, prompting him to turn over to the side of good. I also believe that, sometime either during season three or between seasons three and four, Tim Drake will quit his job as Robin after certain events that I’ll go over in another, later theory post transpire, and that Damian will come in as the next Robin (For those of you thinking “What about Stephanie?” I’ll be going over that in the same post. Wait and see)

There’s one more person I can think of who will for sure, 100% be involved in the Metahuman trafficking business. However, I doubt that she’ll be affiliated with The Light in any way...

Roulette! Roulette is all but guaranteed to have a hand in the Metahuman trafficking business. Those of you who are fans of either the DCAU Justice League show or the Arrowverse’s Supergirl will recognize her as the woman who created an underground fighting ring for Metahumans. My guess is that her story will basically be just that: she captures Metahumans and forces them to fight each other. This is part of the way I think Static will be able to bring Ravager over to the side of good. See, in the comics, Static and Ravager were Roulette’s strongest fighters until they both broke free from her control. My guess is that Young Justice will be mirroring that a little in order to show Ravager the dark side of Metahuman trafficking, causing her to defect to the side of good. I doubt that Roulette will have any connection to The Light other than perhaps being a customer of sorts, buying any Metahumans they capture to use in her fighting ring. She’ll probably only be featured in one, maybe two episodes max, but I’m sure those episodes will still be important for Static, Ravager, and other members of The Team’s character growth

And then there’s one more thing I’d like to discuss just real quick: the people (Well, not people, really) who will be highly against Metahuman trafficking and will most likely be coming to Earth to stop it...

The Dominators! For those of you who are either way freaking old or are fans of The Arrowverse, you’ll recognize these guys as the aliens who want to wipe Metahumans off the face of the galaxy. My guess is that these fellas will be introduced for, like, one or two episodes trying to stop Metahuman trafficking by destroying all of Earth’s Metahumans. Whether this will be simply because they see Metahumans as a threat to galactic peace or because another, more personal reason is unclear. But, regardless, I still think that the Dominators will be appearing in season three in some way.

That’s all I’ve got (So far at least) for my theories on the Metahuman trafficking in Young Justice: Outsiders. Stay tuned for next week where I tell you my theories on new members of The Team, and the week after where I’ll discuss possible new members of The Light. And, once again, kudos to all those who stuck around till the very end. That was one of my longest rants yet. Also, message me if you want to discuss any of the theories I mentioned here, or if you want to tell me any of your own theories. I’m always willing to talk to you guys!

[fly-pow-bye]

Powerpuff Girls 2016 - “Monkey Love”

Written by: Haley Mancini

Written & Storyboarded by: Alicia Chan, Caitlin Vanarsdale

Directed by: Nick Jennings, Bob Boyle

Not so awesome.

The episode starts with Reboot Jojo infiltrating the Department of Fashion & Defense in search for lipstick. He's interested in it because it's also the most evil superweapon ever conceived. Luckily for Jojo, this destructive weapon has no actual security system in place to prevent it from getting stolen by evil genius apes, but he does the Mission: Impossible ceiling drop anyway.

This is interrupted by the Fashionistas in their first Season 2 appearance. They want the lipstick, too, and they want to fight Jojo for it. I can't really blame them; this lipstick plotline fits them far more than Jojo, but considering quite a few of his jokes in other episodes and in this one, I could see why Reboot Jojo wants it. Bianca sics Barbarus on him, "Bianca's muscle" being her only role in Bianca episodes, and they wrestle for the Apocalipstick.

However, the second their eyes meet, Reboot Jojo instantly falls in love with Barbarus, and vice versa, and they immediately stop fighting. That's all of the build up of this "item with so much chemistry"; the very minute Reboot Jojo and Barbarus share screen time, we get hearts in their eyes and a fake version of The Manhattans' Shining Star in our ears. They're both villainous apes, they're the opposite sex, and there's not much else.

The good news is that this episode does have a scene where Reboot Jojo gets kicked in the face without a hit flash. The not-as-good news is that it's Bianca that does the kicking. As for the people who should be doing the kicking, the Powerpuff Girls show up, Blossom does one of her one-liners. I'm sure one doesn't have to be a certain other Jojo to guess the next line.

Blossom: Time for a makeover, evildoers!

Buttercup: Nice one, Bloss!

Of course, they couldn't resist praising themselves for their own jokes! Thankfully, there's no fist bump here. The good news is that a fist will be used to cave someone's face in. As Bubbles flies in to give Reboot Jojo the patented beatdown, we quickly learn the bad news.

Regular Chimpanzee That Is Not Wearing A Super Suit Punch, Girl Down, womp womp. It looks like Bubbles flew right into his fist; she's that incompetent in this episode for reasons I will explain later. Barbarus grabs Buttercup and starts punching her, which is more understandable. Still, these ultra-super-powerful girls that are supposed to represent "girl power" have been defeated rather easily, all so Jojo and Barbarus can flirt with each other.

Reboot Jojo: Oh, what a woman!

Bubbles: (wakes up from being knocked out) Technically, she's a...

Reboot Jojo: Shh!

I'll be honest, I have no clue what Bubbles is trying to imply here. Meanwhile, Blossom corners Bianca and tells her to put the apocalipstick down, but she instead gets a demonstration on how it works. She puts it on, and blows several kisses that explodes. At least Blossom isn't taken down as easily, as she flies around the explosions, calling out to Bubbles and Buttercup to do one of her plans. However...

Buttercup: (still struggling to get out of Barbarus's grasp) Sure, we'll get right on it!

This continues throughout the entire episode with Bubbles and Buttercup, and it’s all to force the main plot of this episode. No, not the "Monkey Love" the title is suggesting, but a plot about Blossom making plans. Without them, Bubbles and Buttercup can’t even get out of a giant gorilla and a regular-sized chimpanzee's grasps. It'll get even worse from here.

They eventually free themselves, taking far longer than I would expect kids that can lift buildings full of people, and do the plan. Unfortunately, it doesn't involve them punching them in a slideshow beatdown and throwing them in jail. That would be way too easy and inconvenient for the plot. Instead, it's the Waterloo plan.

The Powerpuff Girls dress up in Napoleon-era French military uniforms, already dooming the plan by playing the role of the country that lost that battle. Not good at programming, not good at math, not good at history, what kind of nerd is she? Also, pretty awkward if you know about that scene in the original's Child Fearing where they explain to Mojo Jojo what really happened to Napoleon. Maybe it was that amnesia ray!

We don't get to see whatever she was going to do, because they get "blown away" by the Fashionistas' and Jojo's explosive apocalipstick kisses immediately. Yes, Reboot Jojo putting on lipstick, that's his new character trait! He doesn't take from Mojo Jojo's odd manner of speaking or his tirades; he took more inspiration from that time Mojo Jojo was in a wedding dress.

After the explosion from those kisses, we cut to the Powerpuff Girls having breakfast the next morning. It does feel like a scene is missing, not that it would be a scene worth having anyway. The Powerpuff Girls should be worried that people that they usually take care of have easily defeated them, but that's not their worry.

The real situation is that Blossom made a bad call, and she's so afraid of saying the word "failed" that she has to wipe off her tongue. Buttercup, the one that usually has to save the other two sisters all the time, tries to comfort her by telling her that she fails all the time. Blossom scoffs, as she has a record of perfection. You know, like her dentist attendance! They don't actually say that, but I can.

As if he heard what Blossom said, the paperboy throws a tabloid through the window, which was thankfully open. Ever notice that Townsville’s entire news industry seems to be dedicated to insulting the Powerpuff Girls? They talk about how Blossom is useless for not having magical aura powers at the time and how Bubbles is the useless one. I don't remember if they said anything about Buttercup; favoritism is certainly coming into play here.

Suddenly, Bubbles gets a call from the Mayor! Jojo and Barbarus are sitting in a tree, R-O-B-B-I-N-G. Oh, and just in case you thought I made up that "item with so much chemistry" line, Bubbles also adds this:

Bubbles: Barbarus and Mojo are definitely an item! I called it, they had so much chemistry!

It's probably not a good sign if someone in the show had to say that. To be fair, out of all the Powerpuff Girls, Bubbles could understand Jojo and Barbarus better than Blossom, Buttercup, or the viewers. Unlike every other animal in this show, Barbarus doesn't speak English. The only people who could understand her is Reboot Jojo, an ape himself, and Bubbles, with her ability to talk to animals. It's either that, or this is just an "oh, that silly Bubbles" joke. It's probably the latter.

We cut to the Snooty Rose, a fancy restaurant. Reboot Jojo and Barbarus, bringing along an unhappy Bianca to Jojo's disgust, are trying to get a table, but the restaurant is already full. While Jojo laments that he just doesn't have the connections any more, Barbarus uses her evil lipstick exploding hearts to cause an explosion. I could have skipped this scene, but it's a scene where they tried to be creative with the idea of two villains having a date.

In contrast, right after that scene, we get Reboot Jojo fantasizing about their future relationship, along with a fake version of the Beach Boys' "Wouldn't It Be Nice". They have a wedding, they have children, Jojo gets to go to work, they bicker, Jojo gets to work harder in the only real joke in this whole montage, they grow old, and then they die. Are we supposed to find how pedestrian this is funny?

Why not give it a villainous twist? Have Jojo rob a flower store, have them laser “Mojo + Barbarus” into a building they’re destroying, have them crash another couple’s wedding to have their own wedding. It's just more wasted time that could have been used for a montage that would actually give these two chemistry without having to just tell us.

The Powerpuff Girls show up, thanks to the tip from the Mayor, and it ends about as well as the last time. This time, she can't even think of a plan!

Blossom: Plan Up, Down, Back, Back, Down, B...A?

Buttercup: What? That’s the code for infinite lives on Dragon Wizard Skateboard Fighters!

Hey, it's Four Random Words Tied Together from Bye Bye Bellum! I was thinking every episode took place in its own universe. The hearts, the exploding apocalipstick kind, not the long forgotten end segments, interrupts this moment. Reboot Jojo and Barbarus leave to not get frozen yogurt because of Bianca Bikini's lactose intolerance, and Blossom gets out of the rubble and flies away knowing that she can't do anything right.

She goes to a literal milk bar, where Blossom is drinking her sorrows away. She says she can't never go back to being a superhero, which the bartender replies is a double negative. Bad at programming, bad at math, bad at history, bad at grammar, what kind of nerd is she? Even she realizes this. Oh, and just in case you didn't get the obvious metaphor, here's a long pause:

Bartender: I think you had enough...

(pause)

...calcium. But I'll give you another vitamin: truth.

Calcium isn't a vitamin, it's a chemical element. Granted, neither is truth.

The bartender talks about his days as a balloonist clown. He was the best balloonist in town, making balloon animals. One day, he tried to make a huge balloon ferris wheel. It popped immediately, making him a laughing stock. After this one mistake, he gave up on ballooning, and moved to the middle of nowhere. No relation to Courage's. Maybe.

Blossom sees that this is all silly, and the bartender agrees. This is supposed to be a parallel; she was being way too complicated with her first plan. This is not a bad lesson, though it was done before. Guess where.

We cut to Bianca giving Bubbles and Buttercup some trouble. I can understand if Bianca was just using her explosive kisses, but she also picks up and flings Bubbles like she's nothing. Bianca is a normal human being with no superpowers other than her sense of fashion. It'll be like if Superman and Green Lantern fused together, cloned themselves, and still got beaten up by a regular bank robber. Girl power!

Despite taking on two superheroes very well, Bianca is still yelling for help from Reboot Jojo and Barbarus, but they're too busy talking about how romantic their robbing adventures are. Well, at least I got some of my wish from a few paragraphs ago, even if we only get to see Barbarus hold up a stolen horse from a merry-go-round.

One of these robbing adventures was at a shoe store, and Jojo gets to show off his high heels. It's funny because chimps can't wear high heels. Yeah, that's it! Barbarus finds this so romantic that she decides to propose to Reboot Jojo just when he was planning to. Just after Reboot Jojo says "yes", Blossom shows up to give her apparently useless sisters a new plan. With her newfound confidence, she has no worries about this plan!

The animators had worries about animating it though, so we just see the result: another Lipstick Punch, Girls Down. It’s okay, because there is a point to this: Blossom doesn’t care that she failed this time. Just like she didn’t care for the 500 times she failed in the reboot so far alongside her sisters. She decides to do another plan, while Jojo reinterates theirs to Bianca's disgust. I still don't blame her.

These villains would be easily taken care of just by beating the tar out of them in the original, but they have to use their special aura powers this time! We get to see a combined aura of a Cupid Bear shooting a pencil at them with his bow and arrow. They had to tie together these two plots somehow.

Unlike in Summer Bummer, the colors actually make sense this time. Blue bear, green bow and arrow, red pencil. I guess you can't use an arrow as office equipment, which seems to be Blossom's aura specialty. Blossom shoots the pencil, Bianca blows a kiss, and the pencil shoots through the heart! Subtle.

We explosion cut to the villains going to jail for the next 5 to 10 years together, much to the delight of Reboot Jojo and Barbarus. Judging by the next episode, they won't have to wait that long or explain how they got out. The episode ends with Blossom thanking her sisters for helping her see the error in her ways, even though they weren't involved in that, and then flubbing her line. It's an okay joke that fits with the episode's plot. If only they were more numerous.

Does the title fit?

It's obviously referencing Jojo and Barbarus's love throughout the, and it's supposed to tie in to this episode's sequel. However, Reboot Jojo and Barbarus are both apes, not monkeys, despite what Devo would tell you.

How does it stack up?

The A plot, the one with Blossom, is almost well done. There is potential for a plot with Blossom failing a mission, getting all sad about it, and learning that failure isn't a stopping point. I know this because, here's the answer, it was done in the original's Not So Awesome Blossom.

I'd say there's some potential for a Reboot Jojo in love plot, too, but they do even worse here. It's two villainous apes in love, and they never really follow through with that. It's a half mediocre, half bad episode. It’s still better than Tooth or Consequences, but not “Happy Buttercup” better.

While the episode doesn’t really have a cliffhanger, at least not one that will be directly continued, they didn't propose for nothing! For the first time in PPG 2016, even including episodes that billed themselves as sequels but only had a villain in common, we have a clear sequel!

Because this review was late, come back at 5:30 PM for a review of said sequel! I really wanted to be caught up before...the big one.

← Tooth or Consequences ☆ Bridezilla →

[groundramon]

Do you have a list of like top 5 tv shows? (Cartoons and anime included)

!!! Yes I do, actually!

I’ve actually thought about doing a YouTube video about this in the past, and while I do want to do list-like videos (and I already have at least one in mind) in the future, I put off doing this one because it actually…depends greatly on where certain shows I currently like are headed because some currently-airing shows would be on this list if they hit their full potential, but who knows if they’ll hit their full potential. Also I always split anime and cartoons into two categories because I always had a hard time picking otherwise xD But I do have some semblance of a list, and I adore talking about this kind of stuff, sooo:

5. Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

This spot is kind of a three-way tie between Voltron, Bojack Horseman, and FMAB, all for extremely different reasons. So consider Voltron and Bojack my honorable mentions. But while I believe Bojack’s best is honestly some of the (if not the) best out there, and if Voltron promises through on what they’ve promised it will easily skyrocket up this list, Bojack’s worst is everything I hate about Hollywood and Voltron just has too many holes at the moment.  FMAB has the best of both worlds because it has great animation like Voltron, doesn’t have any of Bojack’s bad kind of moments, and doesn’t have many holes in it.  (Another honorable mention goes to BNHA, but like Voltron, I just don’t think it has had enough time to develop all the way. Unlike Voltron, it doesn’t really have any holes, but I do have a problem with how strictly it adheres to cheesy super heroes of the past.)

BUT onto FMAB itself. God cmon, its FMAB, do I really need to elaborate why its so great? The characters are compelling, their motivations are powerful and interesting. I could write an essay examining Ed’s character alone, because he has so many interesting motivations and morals that seemingly conflict with his angry disposition, and I don’t even like Ed that much. The story is exciting - there’s basically no filler, and it almost moves too fast at points. I do have problems with the show - as I said, it goes too fast. The only two deaths in the season happen in the first 12-15 episodes of the series, and although I think that’s because the original FMA animated those scenes already, it still fucks with the pacing of this show. Additionally, despite Lust, Gluttony, and Envy all being revealed before, the show introduces a completely new villain - Greed - to introduce the homunculi. And then they kill Lust - the presumed leader of the first three introduced homunculi?? Idk man, the show barrels in a completely different direction way too quickly. But other than that, its a great show. The only reason it isn’t higher is because I’m a biased shit towards other good shows.

4. Teen Titans

Speaking of being a biased shit, idk if it shows or not, but I have a HUGE soft spot for corny kids shows that try to give kids bad laughs and dark/relatable storylines, or rather, have a heart while doing so. Its not so much that I like a balance of comedy and darkness in my shows - although that’s a good thing, I eat pure angst up and I’m all-for pure comedy shows that have the aforementioned heart (ie we bare bears, another good show not on this list) - its just specifically corny pun-ridden teen/tweeny-feeling shows/games that actually have a decent story underneath that get me. (Also my sense of humor aligns much more with shitty teen lingo and puns than modern cartoon humor that’s considered “good”. Like I find Teen Titans 10x funnier than I’ve ever found Steven Universe. I’m a 90s kid at heart even tho I wasn’t alive in the 90s)

But the biggest impact of this show for me was the heart and the plot. The silly moments made me laugh, sometimes iromically and sometimes unironically and sometimes I wasn’t sure how, but it was the story that really gripped me. The first season’s overarching plot for Robin is honestly one of the most compelling things I’ve seen in kids cartoons…period. Its dark, its unique, its a subversion of such a simble and broad trope. Sure it had a nice cheesy ending but Robin actually saves the day through INTELLIGENCE, something he always had. No other Teen Titans ending did that, but I digress.

And god, do not even get me started on Terra’s arc. Just because Robin’s was the most well-structured arc doesn’t mean his was the most emotional. I was fucking distraught after Terra’s season. Those memes weren’t a joke, I legitimately cried right in front of my mom. IT WAS SO OBVIOUS, BUT IN MY BLIND LOVE, I MISSED ALL THE SIGNS… and god, even when she comes back, even when she’s given a happy ending, she manages to make me cry AGAIN. I never, ever thought I could cry over a character like Beast Boy, but she made me do it. I didn’t even cry when Sokka’s girlfriend died, but this really, really got to me. Once for personal attachment, and the second time because…the finale is so good. Literally its Bojack levels of deep, emotional, and realistic, and this was the ending of a fucking kids show. What the fuck. To this day I still get emotional whenever something reminds me of her arc. Which brings me to my next series…

3. Cybersix

Hi so did I mention Cybersix is really good? Because Cybersix is really good.  I’m not even done with it but yeah, I love this show.  It’s got an amazing art style, great animation, an intriguing story…I have a feeling I’m gonna be really disappointed when it ends because I’ll want to know what happens next so badly.  I like the characters, I like the aesthetic, I like the old-timey music that dates this cartoon so wonderfully, I even like the romance between Lucas and Cybersix/Adrian!  How’d you make me do that.  Oh yeah, because it’s not hard to get me to care about a mutually rewarding relationship that’s gradually built up through a friendship, then an aesthetic attraction, then presumably a relationship but idk yet, where both parties care about one another and their boundaries and have gotten along well since the start.  I forgot.  (I could nitpick that Lucas doesnt have the same buildup for the relationship as Cybersix [its complicated, basically he’s friends with Cybersix’s alternate persona Adrian but he’s in a relationship with Cybersix, and he doesnt know theyre the same person] but I’m not gonna.)  It’s just…a good show man.  @ hollywood, reboot THIS you cowards.  Stop rebooting shit nobody wanted a new version of and reboot shows that were ended to quickly.  Actually dont reboot Cybersix because the only animation studios that would be able to do it any justice are Studio Mir and anime studios, and whoever owns the current copyright to Cybersix would probably be okay using flash for it

2. Digimon Adventure (with a honorable mention to Digimon Tamers)

You can rip my love for the entire Digimon franchise from my cold, dead hands.  I’m sincerely surprised any show passed up my love for this show.  If/when the currently airing series in Japan gets brought over here, I’ll watch it, even though Digimon has kind of abandoned what made it so great in the first place.  But hell, even Fusion was enjoyable - the second arc, from what I remember, was pretty dark and interesting (im still mad they got rid of the two best characters tho) - and the only reason I disliked Data Squad so much is because of Marcus (that and it doesnt have anything else that’s absolutely stunning, in fact from a technical standpoint Marcus is the best thing about the show).

But there’s a reason I put Digimon Adventure here and not the entirety of the Digimon franchise.  Digimon Adventure is what started it all.  No Digimon season has as much heart in it as the original.  Sure the animation improves each season, sure Tamers is probably better story-wise on a technical level, but I dont think any season matches the raw charm of the original.  It was so charming, in fact, that what was supposed to be a 13-episode miniseries evolved into a massive franchise that’s still beloved to this day.  Hell, there’s still content being released for the 8 Digidestined of this season!  It’s right alongside Pokemon, Invader Zim, Hey Arnold, and all these other beloved 90s/early 2000s cartoons that are being revived in recent years, and I think that says a lot.

I wasn’t even alive when Digimon Adventure was airing, but I loved the Digimon games I had played so much that I went out of my way to watch it.  And I…loved it.  Sad as it may be, it was the greatest TV show I had seen at the time.  Growing up in the late 2000s watching only Nickelodeon and CN was not a good period to grow up in, and I never saw Avatar as a kid.  By the time the 2010s had rolled around, I had mostly given up on cartoons, and besides, they were all fugly.  I still tried to watch some, but just…the humor didn’t grip me, they seemed dumb, and they weren’t pleasant to look at.  (Okay the main shows I’m vaguing about are Adventure Time and Regular Show, as well as whatever Nickelodeon was doing but I begrudgingly put up with Nickelodeon for the most part because I preferred Nick and I never knew what else to watch)  Then Digimon came around, and hol-y-shit.  The characters were like nothing I had ever seen before, the storylines engaging and interesting.  Sure it was cheesy, but there was 95% less fart jokes than the average cartoon, a good story, and actually relatable characters that actually go through hardships and actually change for the better!

Digimon Adventure has been and always will be proof to me that no matter what you are, no matter what your show is, you can make a good show out of it.  If you get people who care, who can make relatable characters, who can come up with an interesting story, you can make a good show.  Digimon Adventure is basically a big long toy commercial, and yet its better than lots of shows that dont even have merchandise - and its also better than a lot of shows that have merchandise now, but weren’t created to sell toys in the first place.  I just.  Love it a lot.

Also, the reason I specifically chose Digimon Adventure, outside of having a personal attachment to it since it was always my favorite, is because Tamers hecking scared me as a kid and I’ve never gotten over how creepy the last arc is.  Like it’s good, but it still scared me.

Honorable mentions: Bojack Horseman, Voltron: Legendary Defender, We Bare Bears, Gravity Falls (thats a big one, it would definitely be on this list if I had 10 spots, and will gladly take the 6th spot if Voltron doesnt follow through or Bojack goes south), Over the Garden Wall,  the aforementioned Digimon Tamers ,and Infinity Train might be #2 or at least #3 if it wasnt just a single episode l m a o

1. A tie between Avatar: The Last Airbender and The Legend of Korra

HI SO YEAH if you didnt expect this then you dont know me //BRICKED

Before I explain both, I want to be very clear that I’m not counting them as a single entity.  No, I just cant pick between them.  They’re two extremely different shows, and I actually agree with people who say ATLA is overall a more-rounded show.  Problem is, I watched both during a period of my life where politics and darkness make an extremely interesting show for me (aka the current period of my life) and thus its a very biased and “nostalgic” pick, just like Digimon Adventure.  Had I watched these shows when they were airing, I dont know if LOK would even be on this list.  Heck Digimon adventure probably wouldnt be on this list since ATLA would’ve held the crown for my favorite show for all those years.

They both have amazing animation and solid writing, but that’s about all they have in common in my eyes - even though they share the same world.

Avatar: The Last Airbender is a kids show.  Through and through, its a kids show.  That’s not an insult in the slightest though; no, the fact that they can make something so sophisticated and enjoyable that still clearly appeals to children is really a testament to their skills.  Many kids shows that try to take on heavier/darker stories feel like completely different shows when they try to do that - shows that arent intended for kids.  Voltron and SU are the most notable examples of that, but even LOK has a little bit of that (but in LOK’s case, its the entire show, so I kinda give them a pass lol)  Other shows do it okay (Gravity Falls) but really the only show I’ve ever seen match Avatar’s perfect balance of comedy and seriousness is Bojack, which isn’t a kids show so it has an advantage over Avatar.

Avatar’s world is fanciful and larger than life.  I’m so sad that I watched Avatar and LOK after my fanfiction days; I would’ve loved to spend nights thinking about a potential Avatar story, complete with my own Avatar and original cast.  I could put it before Avatar, after LOK, who knows? but it would’ve been so much fun.  Hell I HAVE thought about Avatar stories, but I obviously dont have much thought up on any of my potential ideas.

The pacing of Avatar is golden.  How a show wish such good pacing got through Nickelodeon, I dont know, but whatever deal allowed Avatar to go on for three seasons and then end was a once-in-a-life-time deal (as evident by what happened to Korra).  Somehow this show came out almost completely perfect, with few or no flaws.

This is the pinnacle of children’s entertainment, in my opinion.  This is proof that there’s no excuse for the garbage that makes up 90% of children’s entertainment.  The standard doesn’t have to be this, since this is the best, but this show is proof that we need to raise the standard.  I wish executives actually gave a shit about quality; if they did, maybe we could get mostly good shows instead of mostly bad shows.

If most shows were half as good as Avatar, the average show would be gorgeously-animated, smartly-written, and really good, even if it had a flaw here and there.  If most shows were half as good as Avatar, Steven Universe would be the average instead of a godsend.

If I someday, somehow make a show that’s 2/3rds as good as Avatar, I’ll officially be a good writer.  I’d love to make tons of shows just as good as Avatar, but hey, I cant get TOO cocky now lol

Now for The Legend of Korra.  Korra has slightly better animation (god i love studio mir) and different but still intriguing worldbuilding.  I know a lot of people found the political bs to be annoying, but I actually found it quite intriguing.  Avatar did a little bit of exploring moral gray areas and playing with politics, but Korra just goes all-out.  I wish the first season’s morality could’ve been a little grayer, but even then, the politics were still interesting.  And god, that one scene in the first season finale, the murder-suicide…that’s still a really powerful scene.  The entire finale would’ve been super powerful were it not for everything resetting by the end of it, but hey, they basically did the same thing in season 3!

Holy shit though, season 3.  An on-screen strangling.  Someone exploding themselves to death.  And then the finale’s fight.  The finale’s fight. The finale of season 3 is one of the most intense things I’ve seen…ever.  The atmosphere in that fight is just…so good - combined with the animation and choreography, its just amazing.  You can almost feel every hit, you actually feel concern for Korra, you’re legitimately concerned for her life.  And you know what?  You should’ve been!  Because she almost dies, and she has to suffer the consequences of that.  The fourth season has a time gap in-between, but even then, she spends episodes trying to fully recover.

In my opinion, the only thing making Korra a kids show is Milo.  I’m certain they put him in there because otherwise, it wouldn’t have been allowed to be called a kids show.  It’s dark, its intelligent, its beautiful, and it’s going to go right over most kid’s heads.  As a kids show it does kind of fail; it just doesn’t really appeal enough to them.  Once you’re old enough to understand, say, Naruto or Dragon Ball you should be okay, but ATLA appeals to all ages while Korra really needs a certain maturity in its audience to be understood and to not scare its audience.

They’re just both. so good

(thanks for the ask!!!)

[earthbison]

Visual analysis and critique of the aliens in Mass Effect: Andromeda

A comparison between the current in-game models and the originals from the trilogy.

Introduction

Just a warning, this will be an extended read. If you’re going to invest in reading this longwinded analysis, I suggest you go get a nice beverage and come back with a cozy chair. This will be relatively spoiler free (unless you aren’t aware of any of the new races I guess?) so if you’re still at the beginning of the game like I am, no worries there! This analysis will have some pictures for comparison, and some edits that I’ve made myself.

Link to the EA ask board version [x]

Ready? Good.

I originally planned on writing this analysis on only the Turians in Andromeda. Something perturbed me the way the in-game models were made in comparison to the older ones of the trilogy. While gathering my source images, I decided to include some of the other species and point out their issues/differences as well. While the transition to the Frostbite engine has been a step up from the Unreal engine, I feel something is missing when it comes to the way some of the models have been rendered in game. This analysis will look at things such as texturing, posturing, and anatomy/biology of each species.

All that said, let’s dive in!

Turians

One of the main things I noticed back when we only had a glimpse of the Turian faces in the trailers, was that the new Turian faces appeared very white, or blank in appearance. I’m not talking about a lack of facial markings either, but rather, a very bleached out base, underneath the markings- what would be the natural colors and patterns of each natural born Turian.

Let me pull out my first example, in fact, it’s the first Turian we meet in-game, Tiran Kandros.

My first thought was “wow, his face is strangely white” and then “Oh, Tiran Kandros? As in, a relative of Nyreen Kandros?” which then led to, “Oh! Nyreen had a very white face as well, perhaps it’s a biological trait.”

Here’s a pic of Nyreen to show what I mean:

As you can see, underneath her Talon gang red markings, she has a very white face crest too.  

Unfortunately, my assumption soon proved to be incorrect, as this flat white base crest kept repeating itself with multiple Turians we would come across in-game. To me, they look like the plastic base models you can buy from Red Nebula Studios- the ones you’re meant to paint.

Something else I noticed about the Turians was that, unlike their trilogy predecessors, the male Turians of Andromeda had sealed secondary nostrils.

Here’s a comparison of Kandros (Andromeda) and Chellick (Trilogy):

Some of you may be asking, “Well, how do you know those are secondary nostrils?” The answer is honestly- I don’t. However, the way the in-game models were designed before suggests this was an anatomical fact, by leaving such deep grooves in their noses, but also within the concept art:

As you can see on the left, the artist very clearly shapes the forms of the nose in such a way that it is an orifice, and on the right when they draw the Turian expressing himself, the nose closes up. Now, of course, this may only be an early design choice, as Turians don’t raise their crests like a stimulated cockatoo (as funny as that would that be) in-game either. Despite this, I think we can all agree that the Turian species does have deep grooves in its nose,   whether they are canonically nostrils or not.

Strangely enough, they portray this more accurately with the current female Turian models, although it is still clearly designed as indentations, rather than deep grooves.

Despite this being ignored by the new character modeler, this could have been something easily improved upon by the texture artist. Which leads me to my next point…

There’s simply not enough value changes to properly reveal the various physical forms in the Turian face. Because of this, even with the markings- most Turian faces appear extremely flat.

What I mean by this, is that there aren't as many shadows in and around certain areas of the face indicating what the forms are. For example, shadows under the cheekbones, the brow line, the jaw line. Those of you who are regular makeup users know that you can use highlighter and darker foundation on certain areas of your face to contour it, and make it ‘pop.’

I’m making a lot of assumptions here, but it seems like whoever the texture mapping artist was, did a very flat job on the Turian faces.

I say this, because looking at the original models for the faces, they look very well crafted and finely detailed.

For those that don’t know, a texture mapping artist will take the 3D models created for in-game characters and create both the colors, and smaller details that appear on the models that the 3D modeler can’t, or simply won’t- include themselves.

Here’s an example of a WoW Dwarf texture map as an example:

As you can see, they develop a rather stretched out image that goes around the 3D model like a skin. This gives it color, and any extra shading or highlighting that will help the 3D model appear to have more detail, or even appear more realistic.

In older games, a texture mapping artist was more crucial, as character game models of old had fewer polygons, and therefore less forms for the artificial light source to work with in terms of creating realistic and deep shadows/highlights.

In a way, a texture map artist does the “contouring” of the in-game models.

My assumption is then, that for whatever reason, they were counting on the raw forms of the game models to add enough depth and shadow, without adding much more from the texture map.

This is still evident in the darker faced Turians, because although they are darker- they lose their features because they aren’t properly shaded/highlighted in the face, aka the values aren’t working or are just plainly not there at all. This CAN change in certain lighting, but it would be better for it to remain consistent throughout the game.

It seems like they added flat color, texture, and the facial markings, without adding additional shadows/highlights. Now let's look at an old Turian from the trilogy, particularly one without markings, and compare it to a blank-faced Turian from Andromeda.

      Perhaps you can see it more clearly? There is simply a lack of depth in the faces that can easily be fixed by the texture mapping artist. For comparison, I will do some small edits in photoshop to show how this can be improved.

I feel like this has happened in a few other places as well, including the original Human/Asari eyes with the game's release. They also had just flat colors and didn’t account for the cast shadow that would come from the upper eyelid. The result was well, a soulless stare we all dealt with until the 1.05 patch was released. Of course, the human face issues are a whole other topic. Let’s move on.

Understanding Digitigrade Legs

A digitigrade is an organism that biologically walks on its toes instead of the entire foot. This includes animals such as dogs, cats, and horses. In contrast, an organism that biologically walks on its entire foot is known as a plantigrade, this includes human beings, most primates, and bears.

In the original Mass Effect, the species were designed in such a way that they could be placed on a “human skeleton.” This is because of the technological barriers they had back in the day, and the animators could only work with so much. The results left us with alien species that are bipedal (walks on two legs) but have digitigrade biology/walking patterns.

Though the Mass Effect species with the “backward knees” aren’t necessarily walking on their toes, they ARE still using the bone/muscle structure of a digitigrade, and thus, are using the physics of digitigrade legs.

Mass Effect species that use this structure are Turian, Quarian, Geth, Salarian and Krogan.

“dog legs” as Jack so lovely put them.

In Andromeda, I’m sure a few of you, like myself, have noticed the awkward ever changing leg patterns of the Turians. Sometimes they are perfectly fine, upright, and other times they look strangely bendy, or- “off balance.” There is a very good reason for this, and it’s all in the placement of the knees in each species. I’ll try my best to explain this.

First, let’s look at a few “awkward” examples.

Vetra and Tiran here are probably a good place to start. Looking at these two, what do we see? It looks as if Tiran is getting ready to do a wall sit, or position himself into a crouch, likewise, Vetra looks like she could spring into a jump at any moment. That’s because this is the incorrect way to place digitigrade legs.

It’s a very common thing for young artists- including myself, to see animal legs this way- as constantly “bent” and thus draw them in this fashion. Our eyes don’t understand the curve because we’re used to such straight legs! In fact, animals like dogs and horses, even though they appear to have “bent legs” actually do have straight knees, and that’s the crucial part here. There is no mammal that stands upright with constantly bent legs. Think about how quickly your thighs and calves get tired when you’re doing a wall sit, how quickly you feel the need to straighten your legs out when you do a squat. That’s because knees are biologically designed in such a way to most effectively carry your weight when they are not bent and are directly underneath the core of your weight (i.e; hips/body).

For some visual evidence, let’s look at some animal legs.

Look at this horse, what a gorgeous creature. Now, look at its gorgeous legs. When you look at this horse, do its knees look bent? They don’t, do they? You can tell the horse’s hind legs are straight, yet, still have a natural curve. This comes from the straightened knee, flowing into the natural hock, or “heel” of the horse. More importantly, the knees are directly underneath its hips.

Now let's look at something more complex, a dog standing upright.

Look at this pupper. Again you can tell that its hind legs are straight, despite how curvy they seem. This is for the same reason as the horse. The dog has a natural curvature of the hind legs because it is digitigrade, but it does not mean that the legs are constantly bent. If the dog were to bend its knees like this, it would fall over very quickly.

It’s important to know how gravity/weight travels down the skeleton and into the ground. Drawing or creating digitigrade legs incorrectly will result in the creature/individual looking as if they’re about to fall over, or that they're crouching, or that they’re about to jump up.

It’s important to visually convey that when in a neutral standing position, the knees are always straight.

Let’s look at how the original Mass Effect models handled this.

Something to take note of here is that although all of these species look digitigrade, only the Turian and Salarian technically are. Jack calls Tali, a Quarian, “dog legs” but she is, in fact, plantigrade- her whole foot is on the ground, with an exaggerated bend in her shin bones. If there is a joint where her calf muscles should be, they never animated it in-game, or it is very subtle.

In fact, it’s quite arguable who is a true digitigrade here and who isn’t. The most clearly defined is the Krogan, who has an obviously elevated heel, however, it is an addition to the heel which is flat on the ground. Does the Salarian have a joint where his calf muscles should be? Indeed, these are simply speculations. What’s more important are the anatomical design choices made here. Each of these alien species has a unique leg shape, with arguably varying joints and muscle structures, but what is consistent is that the knees are straight, not in front of them, and directly underneath the core of their weight. None of these profiles look as if they are about to jump or fall over.

This goes without saying, but of course, we do occasionally stretch a leg out in front or behind us that slightly bends. Often times we shift weight from leg to leg, bending the one that’s resting and putting weight on the one that's straight (which says a lot, doesn’t it?) Indeed, if the alien models with these exaggerated protruding bent legs only had ONE doing that while the other was straightened, it would look much more natural.

Angara

Whoever it was that put the models in this state, be it a glitch or not (perhaps related to the awkward in-game human leg animations?) was also unaware of this fact while designing/modeling the new Angara race. Let’s look at some of these guys.  

What’s interesting about the Angaran, is that they’re so close to being 100% fine. In fact, I love their design, Jaal is a cutie I can’t wait to paint. However, you can see the same thing I pointed out before- that their knees come out in front of them rather than being directly underneath them. To fix this, all they really need to do is push them back OR bring their torsos extremely forward to balance the core of the weight. The second image here shows a posture they are in sometimes which looks much more normal than the one on the left. This is because being so hunched over actually creates balance for the legs which are already excessively forward.

It seems that someone must have noticed that they looked slightly peculiar, and as a result decided to widen their natural stance a bit. Although that does help, it still has an air of awkwardness, especially for the females- who have more of the protruding knees than the males. In some angles, the Angara look fine, especially while walking or turning, because again- the knees briefly go under them, but when they return to their default stance, they look a bit, well, ‘fight’ ready. If you were to widen your stance and bend your knees in front of someone- they probably would think you’re about to attack them. That’s all I have to say about that really.

The Angaran too could benefit from some texture map shading and highlighting. The females especially look very flat. There seems to be an ongoing pattern of adding flat colors to models and believing that it’s good enough to look fully rendered in-game. But think about how that would look on special effects makeup. You could sculpt and cast a latex mask with very detailed scales and patterns, but just dipping the entire mask in 1-3 solid colors wouldn’t be enough for those details to pop out. You have to go in and detail with a smaller brush the smaller shadows and highlights made by those smaller details. The sculptural details that you created get lost if you merely flatten them with a solid color.

Here are more edits I made on an Angaran.

Krogans

I don’t have much in the form of critique for these guys, but rather just comparing their changes for the fun of it and adding some thoughts of my own. The Krogan appear to have the most stable legs along with the Salarians in-game. Despite having the same protruding bent knee issues, they aren’t as extreme as the Turians or Angara. Something I would like to point out, however, is more texture mapping.

Here’s a nice picture of Drack, our bad ass Krogan grandpa. Something that was consistent with the old Krogan designs, however, was the dark skin around the eyes.

That small design choice always gave the Krogans such a predatory glare that I miss quite a bit with their new design. I realize that it wouldn’t work as well with the Krogan who have the darker colored eyes, but I still believe it would have been a nice addition via texture mapping. Along with that, some minor shading in the folds of their bat-like faces and scales. Just a little something extra to give more depth to the original model. Here are more photoshop edits for Drack

The females have an interesting look about them in this game. I like that they kept the consistency of the smaller, flatter plates on the head/neck. It appears they’ve also widened the hips and given them possibly a bit of a thicker lower lip than the males. All understandable choices. Something I might have done with them, however, is narrow the jawline ever so slightly, just to give that feminine edge, perhaps also a more angular eye. This form of femininity, however, is arguably human in nature, and therefore not necessarily applicable for brutes such as the Krogan. Just a possible design choice. Here’s more photoshopping again.

The Problem With The Archon…

He has… well... childlike face proportions.  A large forehead, small jawline, chin, etc...

As the main villain, I imagine you’d want to stay away from something like this. But because I haven’t played the game all the way through yet, it’s possible that perhaps he is a young leader? Maybe something to do with the age or reproduction of his species is a core factor in the narrative? I have yet to find out, however, here are some more edits that I thought could be useful.

I’ve lengthened his jaw, nose and mouth areas to those of a more average adult. I’ve also slightly scaled down the size of his eyes. I think even these small changes go a long way for the design of the character.

The Kett as a whole seem alright. From what I’ve seen they have texture/model variations of their rocky exoskeleton like bodies and faces which is great. If there is anything to compare/critique it’s only the things I’ve mentioned before, such as the texture mapping and proper positioning of the legs/knees. Overall I do like their visual design.

Salarians

A huge issue with the Salarians (other than the slightly too forward knees like the other species) is their eyes. Salarians blink entirely upwards with their bottom eyelid. In Andromeda, they animate them blinking like any other species (both lids but mainly upper) which is a big flaw for those of us who are super nerds and like canon information to stay correct. 

Mordin and Kallo, respectively. You can see the blinking difference very clearly here.

It’s a small animation change, but it’s important to those of us who are so involved with the IP. That’s why there was a few who became angry when it was revealed that Peebee had hair on her eyebrows- as Asari physiology in previous games stated they could never have such a thing. Information was released later that she had remaining “human genes” or something to that extent which could “explain” it. That statement, however, conflicts with established Asari reproduction methods again from previous games, so, it’s a tricky rope to walk. Something else I’m sure fewer people have noticed thus far is that the Salarians in Andromeda DO have pupils and the way they have created the Salarian pupils is inaccurate from the original trilogy. Salarians are amphibian and have eyes that mimic this, with pupils that are horizontal. If you peer closely into the dark eyes of Andromeda Salarians, they have vertical slit pupils, which are very inaccurate.  

I’ve overexposed the image of Tann so you can see the pupil a bit more clearly. I’ve also traced it in a separate window to the right if you still can’t see it. 

So that’s all I have to say so far. As I progress through the game I may come back and add or change a few things to this piece of writing/critique/analysis.

Both Asari and Human species have the same issues which have been addressed many times in the past. In my opinion, they already took the first step by fixing the eyes and adding shadows. Now all they really need to do is drop the chin level in conversations, “half-moon” the iris with the upper lid of the eye, and fix the eye tracking animation to some level. There are mouth issues sure, but those go less noticed when you have solid eyes/eye animations. You can see here with the last patch that they’ve already done this with Addison.  

That’s all my thoughts! I hope you found this interesting (if you managed to get all the way through.)  Thanks for reading! If you have any comments or thoughts I’d love to hear them. Feel free to reblog and comment or inbox me, especially if you think I’ve missed something or got something wrong. I’m always up for Mass Effect discussion.

[rennyji]

June 17th tweets

June 17th tweets...

you know what's cool? Gas spring wall mounted monitors...you can turn the monitor in any direction, raise it higher, lower, whatever...the gas spring is key...

so i bought Ugg Men's In House shoes...(do men call these slippers?! i dunno)...I went through several pairs from exchanges/returns. Why? The fuzz or fur inside is being pulled out/apart in all directions, right out of the box...Come on Amazon...aren't you guys about quality?!

So I saw "Superman & Louis" on the CW app, the other day. Lara (would like that name for a potentialDaughter, but moving on..), a.k.a. Superman's Kryptonian mom was revealed 2be married to 1 man, had a child, &then married Superman's dad, Jor-El-whom she later fell in love with.-

- this was said in passing on the show, as part of a different theme. But it makes you wonder...Are all women like this? Constantly out to seek "the best deal", regardless of stage of life? After having a son with 1 man, she falls in love with another and has another child...-

- what happens to marriage vows? Are these just empty words among America's pandemic of empty promises, hopes, and help? These words of through sickness and health, whatever, are meant to have power. These kind of things give life meaning and power...-

- Things aren't working out with your partner? Work things out. The option of divorce, I feel, makes people try  less harder. Your partner is literally supposed to be ur other half. You are one being. There are extreme cases of people being abused, but the rest is ego. -

- U marry me, ur stuck with me for eternity and beyond...think about it...u being my half is like my hand which is part of me...not going anywhere without my hand...duhhh...huhhh, womennnn...

moving on... From Run Girls, Run!, YouTube anime song “share the light” - kinda girly, but catchy jingle...

YouTube “Ultra instinct (trap remix)”

On a differentNote, U can learnSomething fromThe IndianConcept of arrangedMarriages, America.. Whereas U have theOpportunity of datingAround, findingPeople who share in ur hobbies/interest, make U feelExtraordinary, Indians,for centuries&beyond have been paired by theirParents.-

- If you talk to Indian couples, who probably have nothing in common, they say, they and their spouses have a "deep bond." They're bound by simply having the constant presence of another...someone to talk to, someone to care for them, and so forth...-

- This American thing about common hobbies/interests, making you feel special - these are biological feelings/impulses. You need to expand ur mind: "who will always be there for you?" Astrology and hobbies aren't what forms a "connection." It is the answer to that question...

Check out "Mud Wtr" on Google, as an alternative to caffeine…nothing to do with actual "mud" - that's just what its called...good stuff, but expensive...

If regular coffee doesn't do it for you, you can search and find coffees like "Kion Coffee", or, on the other extreme, "Death Wish Coffee." But remember, different stuff holds the potential of working for different people. Looking for options? Give one of them a try..good stuff..

I want to get to a point where I’m traveling and have a secretary. I want to get to a point where when I go downstairs, breakfast is ready...when I need something, it’s before me…don't want to worry about the little things...

Try the " CoreStretch " from Amazon...quick way to stretch your back and other muscles...

After shaving, there isn’t a single after shave out there that reduces post shaving sensitivity, preparing u 4 tomorrow’s shave. Ive found a cream in Indian Ayurveda, alleviating that “ahhh it burns/stings!!!” post shave feeling by piling on the cream when no 1 supposedly looks.

So I found out that Miranda Cosgrove, Nickelodeon's "Carly Shay" from iCarly, made $180,000 per episode from a legally/appropriately run show...for this illegal relaying of me, from lawsuits and salary-never-received, I'm going to say $180,000 per relaying is the base line...

so moving on...now...don't get me wrong, but i'm not into, getting into the following subject. but the majestic orchestrators of "the situation" frequently keep talking about a girl "I knew 'of' " and don't in fact know. I don't know why. -

- By "knew of", Im not even sure what she looks like. Sometimes I remember her tall or with meat on her bones or sometimes short or skinny..Im not even sure if all these were the same girl, when I saw her. Whoever she was, I remember liking the girl in the black North face Denali? jacket. Then amidst these versions of this girl, there was another look alike who rode the white Van type taxi called “Best Taxi.” Then there’s the short skinny version with the red stroller suitcase. I know facts about this individual from simple things like her last name.-

  - last names can be an indicator of where ur from, origin wise. But I don’t even know what she exactly looks like. From wishing her HappyBirthday on facebook, without a response back, I no her birthday is on june 24th. I know that&remember that b/c I did it once, & in high school, my memory was so good, Id memorize my notebooks.-

- ladies, something to know about me. i'll never forget a birthday or anniversary. -

- with all the talk about this girl, you get curious what she's up to, and through google, you can find out she went to columbia. a smart cookie. and in the random times i bumped into her, -

-i remember her telling her friends jen and valerie or whoever (i can remember even small details) that she wanted to transfer to columbia in her first or second year, but didn't. i happen to be walking by at that moment when she was talking and her mother or whoever -

- picked her up in a white infiniti. In a part time job on that campus as a telemarketer, on the computer system 4 calling students homes, her mothers name & address popped up on my neighbors call screen, so I even know random things like her mother's name &she's from  New Jersey. -

- this is what I mean, I don't know her. over the years of explaining things over and over, for one reason or another, it seems like i knew this person. Please stop with the talk. Now the orchestrators, with the sounds projected, want me to-

- think this girl, who never so much as responded to a Happy Birthday, is chasing after me, and has gone mad in a massive game to prevent women from talking to me, when its the orchestrators instructions. Never a moment to reset the mind on that subject. It just shows neither -

- the girl, her wackadoodle friends, and the orchestrators know a thing about me, and just want me to talk all day. Its not even fair to the girl, if she has the time to see this. What'll she think?! Find a new subject, orchestrators...

- and about people i bump into, people from the dorms in Binghamton...i remember it all...in binghamton dorms, they have everyone's names stickered onto the doors. i don't know that girls friends either. -

- ladies, something U should know about me...b4 we become girl friend/boy friend, or even friends, what U see in "this situation" may not be what U get, inPerson. Im different w/different people. Just b/c Im soft w/my brother doesn't mean Im going 2be soft w/some1 on the street.-

- those who cross me, in certain cases, I forgive, but I never forget. Guys, girls, I do not play games. I'm in my very early thirties and I don't have patience for a majority of the things that go on in this...

- going back 2 the girl, 1 last thing. i think the desperate orchestrators want 2give their meaningless cr*p of a program some kind of twist, by hooking me up w/some1 I don't even know how they look, for the sake of their program. After allThis, Im sure I have some1 who hates me-

- through no fault of my own...

It just isn't wise for me to put out anything really, because the orchestrators who have nothing to talk about, who don't know me, who think by seeing me everyday we're besties, then get stuff to harp on. -

-When I do hear them, not always, out of pity I'm telling them something verifiable, if you have a lie detector, u know none of what's said carries any relevance or significance. Its just noise, both literal and figurative.

- then the nonsense about my appearance...what are we 10? am i teenage girl? I'm an average guy, and a regular guy in real life. Everything that goes on is hype from constant chatter through an unresolved and ongoing crime...

moving on...

so moms...my mom never listens 2 a thing I say. Partly b/c she's in a rush to speak what's on her mind. As I continue talking, shell go so far as to walk around or decide to literally hammer away at something for some coincidental purpose.-

-My mom is not how I want my spouse 2be. She claims "there's no talking to me." over the simplest of things when its her stubbornness and clouded mind against my clarity. I'll be in the middle of making a point or saying something insightful, shell tell me she's not into it.-

- if i run into a woman like that, goodbye. maybe its her busy day inciting lack of patience. But then my day...i got her randomness, the randomness in my environment, the randomness from the orchestrators, the randomness at work...it's all very tiring...-

-that's how the orchestrators get material. through tiring randomness...

America is a very flawed country lacking heart, conscience, &insight. But they do have the nuclear family going on 4them. Mom, dad, son, daughter are seen equal, & what every1 says has value. Son can correct mom, mom doesn't take it to heart, & may even use it to better herself.

so had an argument w/mom over Listerine mouthWash. She takes like a tablespoon &dilutes the rest w/water in theCap. I gargle a capful of Listerine. Im content w/how Im doing it &ran into noProblems. She wants 2insist on her way of doing it. Stupid things. Is that a culturalClash?

so tweeted a ton today...the orchestrators got their tantalizing desires possibly fulfilled...moving on...

[marcuserrico]

#BatmanDay: The strange but true history of Harley Quinn revealed!

Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn in Suicide Squad (Photo: Warner Bros.)

Editor’s note: The original version of this story ran in July 2016, as Harley Quinn was about to make her big-screen debut in Suicide Squad. With Saturday designated as the annual Batman Day, and DC celebrating by giving Harley a co-starring role coinciding with her 25th anniversary, we thought it was the perfect time to revisit our first-hand account of the strange origin of one of DC’s strangest characters from the man who dreamed her up.

  ________________________

In the early 1990s, Paul Dini was a writer for hire, cranking out scripts for the ground-breaking, noirish Batman: The Animated Series, when inspiration struck. For a story called “Joker’s Favor,” Episode 22 of the show’s first season airing on Sept. 8, 1992, a previously unseen character popped up in the background. She wore distinctive jester garb, cracked one-liners and earned the ire of the Clown Prince of Crime, with whom she had some unstated relationship. Harley Quinn was born. Dini picks up the story…

It was always understood that the Joker was going to have a rotating gang of hench-people, everybody from street thugs to circus-type people — whoever we needed at the moment. And for this one, I wanted to give him a female hench-person, because I felt it would fit the tone of what we were doing. It hearkened back to the Adam West series in the ’60s where you’d see the Riddler with Jill St. John or the Penguin with a young moll… and we thought it would be fun to do a modern-day twist on that.

Harley was a glorified background character in her first appearance in Batman: The Animated Series (Clip: Warner Bros.)

I was looking for a name and thought “Harley” was a good one.  I’m a big one on puns or names that describe what a character is — it’s something that goes back to Charles Dickens… I thought “Harlequin” was an interesting, fun kind of a character and I split up the name — Harley Quinn. It was cute.

The idea for the character came from several sources, and Dini envisioned her fitting a certain Hollywood trope.

I was working at home on some other projects and I had doodled up a drawing of this crazy blond character in a miniskirt. I based her on [I Dream of Jeannie star] Barbara Eden. A 1960s blonde in a miniskirt.

Dini’s original Harley Quinn sketch refers to her as a “1940s screwball, Betty Hutton, Gloria Grahame, Claudette Colbert with an attitude.” (Image: Paul Dini/Warner Bros.)

I remember bringing it in to Bruce [Timm, the lead artist and co-producer on Batman: The Animated Series] and saying, “What do you thing of this?” And he looked at it and went, “Ooh. I think we can do better.” And he put my drawing aside and came up with something that was very sleek and very elegant; something I think he put a lot of heart and soul into. When I saw that first model, I said, “That’s perfect.” She combined a sense of fun and impishness. You could tell she was a gymnast or maybe a ballet dancer just from the way he drew her — up and ready to move.

I saw Harley as a wise-cracking Girl Friday-type character that you might have seen in a ’30s or ’40s screwball comedy. I like the fact that she could crack a joke and the henchmen would laugh, and the Joker would kind of glare at her. It gave the scene a Punch and Judy quality of one-upmanship.

I also based her in part on my friend Arleen Sorkin — who wound up doing the voice — who has that personality of the very snappy, wisecracking, bubbly blonde. She was on TV a lot at that time, on Days of Our Lives and a show called Duet playing largely that character.

Arleen Sorkin, with her own Louisville Slugger, as Calliope on Days of Our Lives (Photo: Joseph Del Valle/NBC/Getty Images)

So when I came up with Harley, I asked [Arleen], “Do you want to do the voice?” And she said, “Yes.” We brought her in — it was her first voiceover and she did a tremendous job on it.

Watch Sorkin on ‘Days of Our Lives’ in the character that helped inform Harley:

  But I really didn’t have plans for the character beyond that episode.

Although she was intended as a one-off character, Dini couldn’t shake Harley. The rest of the Batman brain trust also became smitten with the burgeoning Maiden of Mischief and soon enough, she was back on the show.

There was something about the character. We thought she was a lot of fun. We didn’t want to do every Joker story with her in it, because we didn’t want to overuse her or make it just about the two of them — because the Joker has to be a credible threat when he’s on his own — but thought every couple of episodes, it wouldn’t be bad if she was part of the regular group.

Blessed with Sorkin’s squeaky, Brooklyn-accented pipes, Harley perfectly channeled Dini’s sense of humor. She also developed a few early catchphrases, including endearing nicknames for the Joker.

Every time I wrote her, I tried to think of funnier things for her to say to expand her role a little bit.

“Mr. J” was a natural because that made her a wisecracking blonde. “Puddin’” came from that lunch with Bruce, where he just said she should have a really goopy [nickname] for the Joker. And we both hit on it. “What about Puddin’?” “Oh, Puddin’ is great.”

As Harley became a key member of the animated series, DC took notice of her growing popularity and decided to transition the character to the comics. But she didn’t leap directly to the pages of the main DC Universe continuity; instead she appeared in a book based on the show.

There was an issue of The Batman Adventures, No. 12. And that was the first time she showed up in comics. … It was an all-girl story with [villain] Poison Ivy, Harley and Batgirl taking center stage. It was a way of using characters that had popped up in the animated series in a comic book.

Harley’s first comic book appearance (Image: DC Entertainment)

Working hand in hand with DC, they saw all the episodes first, and they were able to see all the scripts as they came in, and it was able to dovetail pretty closely to her teaming up with Poison Ivy in the animated series. They saw what we were doing with her and they liked it. She showed up in The Batman Adventures book first, and then Bruce and I came up with the “Mad Love” story. Then she began showing up more and more in the comic books.

“Mad Love,” a one-shot 1994 special issue of The Batman Adventures, established the origin story for Harley Quinn. For the first time, we learn that Dr. Harleen Quinzel was an intern at Arkham Asylum where she fell under the sway of the Joker and busted him out. She adopted the persona of Harley Quinn in an attempt to win his favor.

I’m no stranger to therapy. I was spending some time in therapy and was in my head a lot around that time. Bruce and I were discussing her origin one day over lunch, because I had been approached by DC to do a special issue of the comic, and we were talking about what if there was some sort of surprise to her origin? What if she’s not just a hench girl? We came up with the idea that she had been a doctor at Arkham Asylum and the Joker had gotten into her head and worked her into being his follower. … Then we thought, what if Harley’s in the role of the long-suffering girlfriend?

Harley’s origin story is revealed in ‘Mad Love’ comic (Photo: DC Entertainment)

There was also an element of the fans who write to a prisoner who committed a terrible crime and say, “I understand you… I see the good in you,” and sometimes develop a relationship.

It didn’t take much effort for Dini to come up with Harley’s real name.

Let’s think. Harley Quinn. OK, what’s easy? Arleen does her voice, we’ll put an H on the front. What’s [Arleen’s] middle name? Frances? We’ll use that. Harleen Frances. And then Quinzel. I knew there had to be a name that shortened to Quinn. I had a teacher at Emerson College named Quenzel — spelled slightly differently. Dr. Quenzel, or Professor Quenzel — I changed the spelling of the name, and I’m sure he’s not even aware of it. [We attempted to contact George Quenzel to find out if he had any inkling of his role in Harley’s origin, but the professor passed away in 2012.]

By the end of “Mad Love,” Harley is broken both physically and emotionally after being abandoned by the Joker. As she’s locked into her own cell at Arkham Asylum, she decides she’s through with her beloved Mr. J forever, only to find a flower and a note from him. It’s the start of a demented relationship.

She’s still into him. That growth is hard. For a person who’s really codependent or whose self-esteem is dictated by how they think other people think about them, they’ll take a crumb of affection and turn it into a whole cake. So Harley could swear off him and be very strong, but If there’s even the hint that he wants her back or he’s reformed, she’ll go back.

Joker and Dr. Quinzel meet cute in animated version of ‘Mad Love’ (Clip: Warner Bros.)

When I did the first comic book that placed her in canon in the Batman universe, she really has Joker at her mercy at one point. She’s going to send him to his death and she goes, “I’m gonna kill you, and I’m gonna make my life right again.” He’s hanging by his fingertips and he says something like, “Would it help if I said I’m sorry?” And she goes, “Yeah!” We play it for a laugh, but I wanted to share there’s some tragedy involved with making these choices. I think that had that continued with the character going along that way, she wouldn’t be as popular. I think at some point, she has to wise up and go, “This guy does me no damned good. I am a doctor after all and I do see what he’s doing. They’ll always be something in my head that feels something for this guy at some level, but I have to value myself more than he does.”

I also see the Joker as like Pygmalion. He never knew that he’d fall in love with his own creation. I think more than loving who Harley actually is, he loves what he turned her into. I think he viewed Dr. Harleen Quinzel an art project almost. “What can I make of this? I’m going to get her to break me out of the asylum, but am I going to bump her off? What am I going to do with her here?” And then she far exceeded his expectations to the point where he’s like, “Hey, wait a minute…” He actually did fall in love with elements that he brought out in her. But he’s still an abusive jerk.

Eventually, Harley did try to forge her own path in the cartoon and the comics, often paired with another Bat-villain, Poison Ivy.

We had also established Poison Ivy as a character on her own, and I thought, “What if she and Poison Ivy teamed up — it might be a fun story, where a strong female character brings something strong out of somebody who’s not as strong.” And then we wound up with the two of them being friends. And that became its own dynamic. The more we used Harley and the more we used her in different roles, the more we discovered what a richer character she was; she just blossomed, in a very short time, to the point where she was just as interesting as Catwoman or Penguin or Ra’s al Ghul or one of the other core Batman characters.

For a long time I thought, “What if we just did a Harley show? What if we just do her off on her own? Can I do a short with her where she’s just a manic presence?” At one point they were doing these DC Showcase Shorts … and I thought, “What about a solo Harley short that has no dialogue, it’s just her causing trouble to music? Almost like a weird Fantasia sequence where we show her as this crazy sprite. The idea never got further than that, but I kept pushing to make her a solo character independent of the Joker and Batman.

She started out as one thing and morphed into another. Mickey Mouse is not the same guy steering the steamboat and squeaking, and Bugs Bunny has gone from being a nameless rabbit to an iconic character. Same with Harley.

In 2009, Dini launched the Gotham City Sirens comic book, focusing on Harley, Ivy, and Catwoman. When that book ended its run in 2011, as DC was preparing to reboot its entire comics line, Dini’s clown princess faced an uncertain future.

I was afraid she might be in mothballs, but no. I was really excited when the New 52 came out, and she was so prominently featured. They did a solo book on her, and the Suicide Squad was going to use her. She was also such a prominent element in the video games. Suddenly she was everywhere.

And with anticipation for Suicide Squad at a fever pitch, Harley is about to go next-level…

About two years ago, I found out she was going to be in the movie. It was one of those things I just heard about. “Harley’s going to be in a movie.” Wow, that’s pretty cool. In talking casually with friends and peers, I said that someone should do a solo villain movie to really establish their presence in the DC Universe and show why they’re credible threats to the heroes. We know who Batman is. We know Superman. Now do a villain movie. When I heard they were doing Suicide Squad, introducing everybody except Lex, who was in [Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice], I thought, “Good job.” It makes good sense to establish the key bad guys. And when I heard Harley was in the mix, I was going “Oh man, terrific.”

I’ve seen the trailer and some of the photos online. I love the color scheme. The candy-colored look. [Margot Robbie] looks great. Entertainment Weekly shows up on my door with the two of them on the cover [Robbie as Harley and Jared Leto as the Joker] and I think, “That’s so cool. That’s the live-action extension of the cartoon right there.” I have in my house the painting from her first comic book in the DC Universe… and she’s leaning back against the Joker. And I held up the cover [of Entertainment Weekly] next to it, and I said to myself, “15 years later, here’s what they’ve morphed into.” They’re still together and it’s still the iconic look.

Covers of Entertainment Weekly and Harley Quinn No. 1 (Photo: Entertainment Weekly; DC Entertainment)

_____________________ Paul Dini is an Emmy-winning writer whose most recent work, the graphic novel Dark Night: A True Batman Story, tells the harrowing tale of his brutal mugging and struggle to overcome his demons.

Paul Dini (Photo: Alan Weissman)