#who would fuck any of their coworkers if given the opportunity

[hesgomorrah]

these are literally the same guy. btw

[medusa-fem]

Not all trans women are innocent bystanders to the patriarchy

My trans girlfriend from highschool used to complain that I didn't want to sleep with her because "I didn't see her as a real woman". This was a coercion tactic, used against me as a traumatized female who simply did not want to have sex often.

Another trans woman I knew adamantly defended lolicon, stating that "they aren't real kids". Of course I later found out she got off to "legal loli"

Same trans woman as before adamantly defended the movie cuties. Did not give two shits about the exploitation of young girls. Even said that bullying maps online was wrong because "pedophiles need support to not act on their urges"

I have also had a run in with a male who clearly did not even care to be a woman, simply called himself one as a sissy to get a pass to get closer to female people. Absolute fucking freak. Abusive towards a younger female coworker using sexist slurs, kept touching me when I explicitly said to stop and said I lead him on after getting kicked out of my home, even used his fake label to try to get head from a trans woman he had known for 3 days who showed no interest.

I knew a trans woman who kept dating people younger than her. Saw a freshly 18 trans girl as a 23 year old. Consistently talked about how immature she was, which makes it clear to me she knew the power dynamic.

I had a trans woman I was hanging out with get permission from the other trans woman in the room to strip down to nothing, but did not ask me if I was comfortable with it. Then asked me if I wanted to see her botched circumcision scar. (I had only met her twice prior).

I had a trans woman use love bombing to manipulate me into jumping into a relationship with her. Once I realized how manipulative and mentally unwell she was I was going to break up with her. As soon as she figured out she drove to my house drunk to "get her things". She screamed at me and kept balling up her fist like she was going to punch me while I sobbed. I texted all of my nearby friends that if I didn't text them by x time the next day to call the cops, because I thought she was going to assault me.

I know of a trans woman in the area who was a friend of a trans man for about 6 months. He described them as something close to platonic soul mates. She raped him when he was too intoxicated to speak.

I knew a trans woman who would fully strip at any given opportunity while hanging out with a group of friends. Everyone was uncomfortable.

An abusive "friend" of mine from highschool began labeling himself nonbinary to sleep with traumatized trans men and nonbinary afab people who did not want to date men. He didn't do anything but use the label. He falsely accused me of rape because I began telling people about his abuse. He made comments about trying to get a trans male partner pregnant to trap him. Last I heard of him he was trying to sleep with my trans man friend, being extremely coercive, while I had to tell him to get the fuck out of there so he wouldn't get raped.

This isn't even all of it. I know some radfems who do not associate at all with the trans community may not realize it, but this is common place for trans men and nonbinary afabs. I have faced so much at the hands of trans women who were not held accountable for their behavior because no one wanted to hurt the reputation of trans women as a whole.

The concerns about bathrooms don't strike a cord because the trans community doesn't see it happen, that is actually rare. Please use the stories of the regular victims of trans women's actions, because these are stories I hope the lgbt community can take seriously. I'm not saying trans women as a whole are "men" or "just faking it", I'm saying they need to be held accountable just like other male individuals who harm female people.

[grxmreaperx]

Hi!!

I just read your Mark Hoffman fic and I loved it!! Would you be willing to write something with Hoffman being a little obsessed with the reader? any further plot is totally up to you, I just need more Hoffman fics. 😩 Angst, fluff, smut (if you’re okay with that of course!)?

God, I love this request!! I’m all for men being obsessed in fics. And there’s no way I can answer this request and NOT write my first Hoffman smut (👀)

Also, you’ve all been so sweet and lovely ahhh I’m so glad I made this blog!!

You Belong to Me

Pairing: Mark Hoffman x reader (reader is AFAB)

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: 18+!! Smut!! Kinda went off with this ngl. I had way too much fun with this. Mark being very dominant and obsessed with the reader. Praise and degradation kink. Hair pulling, spanking, cream pie. Mark being very possessive. Oral sex (m! receiving), fingering (f! receiving), p in v penetration. Every ounce of feminism left my body writing this.

Summary: Upon John’s request, you’ve been working as Mark’s secretary at the precinct in order to keep you off the list of suspects in the search for Jigsaw’s accomplice. Did Mark really expect you to not take this golden opportunity to mess with him? As much as he appreciates the tight pencil skirts you’ve started wearing to work, he does not appreciate the attention it is drawing from his coworkers.

You were driving him absolutely insane. He wasn’t sure whether to bash John’s skull in or worship him like Amanda does for placing you here. He already had a hard enough time focusing on stake outs and working on traps with you, and now you were here. In his place of work, where he was supposed to be professional, supposed to pretend he had never seen you before you had your “interview.”

Mark knew exactly what you were doing. Your first day you walked in here, friendly smile on your pretty face, pencil skirt glued to your legs, staring right at him.

“Good morning, Detective Hoffman.”

God, he was going to kill John.

He hadn’t exactly had time for a sex life since everything went down. His sister’s death, planning Seth Baxter’s fate, joining Jigsaw, all on top of his detective work. And it hadn’t really bothered him; he had more important things to think about.

Until John decided you’d be a perfect addition to the team.

---

You knew your plan was working exactly how you wanted.

John hadn’t tested him yet, so why shouldn’t you? The detective needed to be tested, didn’t he?

You saw how he stared at you when you walked into work each morning, spending the time before your shift picking out the perfect outfit that you knew would drive the man mad.

You had decided months ago that you tired of the tension, the pull you felt towards the man every night you spent working together. And now John, bless his soul, had given you the perfect opportunity to do something about it.

You had seen some of the other men at the station watching you, eyes hovering a bit too long on your legs and ass. It didn’t bother you much, you ignored them for the most part, they weren’t your test subject, they weren’t your detective, so you hardly even noticed.

But, oh, did Mark notice. He noticed every fucking time. And every time was a new test of his willpower. Every single time, all he could think about was what sort of trap he could devise that would be worthy of the pigs who dared look at you.

---

“How you doing today, honey?” You turned around in your chair and saw Henry Miller, one of the cops that was most persistent with you. You were friendly with him; he was nice enough. The only problem was he thought he had a shot with you.

“Morning, Henry. I’m doing alright, how are you today?”

“I’d be a lot better if you finally let me take you out tonight.”

You scoffed. “How many times do I need to tell you I’m not interested before it finally gets through?”

He leaned on your desk, hands resting on the table, staring intently at you from across the surface. “Cmon, baby. Just one dinner, that’s all I ask. I’m very persistent.”

“Miller, isn’t there something you’re supposed to be doing?” You recognized the deep voice instantly and had to stop yourself from grinning. This was perfect.

The smile dropped from Henry’s face when he saw Hoffman staring daggers at him. He looked like a deer in the headlights, a child that had been caught stealing candy.

“Yes, sir,” he muttered, before quickly making his way back to his desk.

“And you,” he started, eyes on you. “In my office.”

You flashed him your best smile. “Of course, Detective.”

----

“Sit down.”

You sat down in the chair across from him, trying to scope out the look on his face. His jaw was tense and shoulders tight. He looked like he was about to explode.

“What the fuck was that?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, sir.”

He sucked in a breath. “Bullshit.” He stood up, slowly making his way around the table. “You walk in here every day, in your tight little skirts, giving me that proud little smile, and you’re going to sit here and act like you don’t know exactly what you’re doing? I don’t think so, sweetheart.” He placed on a hand on each armrest, eyes boring down into you. “Now, let’s try again, shall we? What the fuck was that?”

Bingo.

You smiled up at him. “I just want to look nice for you, Detective.”

He shook his head and gritted his teeth. “Oh, you wanna look pretty for me, is that it?” You nod. “You know what would make you look real pretty? Get on your fucking knees.”

Embarrassingly quick, you sink out of the chair and onto your knees, staring up at the man. He smirks.

“Well? You just gonna stare at me? Don’t act like you don’t know what to do.”

You reach up and slowly get to work on his belt, trying to act like you still have some sort of control. Not that you minded, but it was still nice to pretend.

All resolve left you went he wrapped a hand in your hair, pulling back until your chin was pointed up at him. “Don’t do that. You’ve teased me enough. Now it’s your turn.”

You pulled down his pants just enough to reach his dick. You sucked in a breath. You had some idea of what you were in for, but fuck.

You tried to tease him a bit more, you really did, but as soon as you heard the deep groan when you took him into your mouth, you were done for.

His hand in your hair guided you, bobbing your head on his dick, feeling it hit the back of your throat each time. Each tug on your hair, each time you felt the tip of his dick down your throat, you felt a spark go straight between your legs. You looked up at him through thick eyelashes, eyes slightly teary, spit spilling over your lips.

“God, I knew it. You do look very pretty like this, sweetheart.”

You were slightly disappointed when he finally pulled your head back, dick soaked with your spit. “Get up.”

You shakily got to your feet, suddenly aware of how much of a mess you must be. His eyes roamed over your body, examining you from head to toe.

“Go on, sweetheart. Bend over the desk for me.”

You quickly complied, bending over the front his desk, legs slightly spread. You felt him behind you, placing his hands on your hips before landing a hard smack on your ass. His hands pushed up skirt, pooling it around your waist and exposing you to him. He ran a finger over your underwear, pressing lightly on your clit, before landing another blow.

“Such a little slut, aren’t you? Already soaked for me. Have you enjoyed acting like a brat?” Another smack. “I asked you a question.”

“Yes,” you said softly.

“Yes what?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Much better.” He pushed your underwear aside, running a finger through your folds. You felt your hips push back, trying to get more. More of anything, more of him. He pulled his hand away, running it over your thighs. “So desperate, aren’t you? You know exactly what you’ve been doing to me, teasing me, acting like a brat. Why should I touch you?”

“Please, sir, I’m sorry. I just wanted – “

“Wanted what? Wanted me to fuck you?”

“Yes,” you breathed. You felt him slide one finger in, quickly followed by a second. You bit your lip, suddenly aware of where you were and who was outside this office.

“So, you thought you’d make me jealous, hm?” he asked, fingers slowly pumping in and out of you. You nodded, rolling your hips against his fingers. As soon as he felt your movement, he pulled his fingers away. A whimper left your lips.

“Why should I make you feel good, when you’ve done nothing but tease me for months?”

“Please, sir. I need it.”

“Louder.”

“But- “

“I said louder.”

“Please, sir, please, fuck.”

He slid into you all at once, not giving you any time to adjust to his size. You let out a loud moan, before clamping a hand over your mouth, hoping to God no one heard you.

His hand found its way to your hair, pulling you toward him, back arching. You felt his lips right next to your ear as he finally moved his hips, pulling almost completely out before pounding back in. “No, no, baby. You want to tease me, make me jealous, let these cops flirt with you? You’re gonna let this whole fucking office know who you belong to.”

He set a rapid pace, hips snapping against yours. You felt your eyes roll back in your head, legs unsteady.

Mark groaned in your ear. “God, do you have any idea how many times I’ve thought about this pussy? How many times I’ve thought about bending you over and ruining you? Do you have any fucking idea what you’ve done to me? You’re all I fucking think about anymore.”

You let out a loud moan, no longer caring who heard you two. “God, fuck.”

“Cmon baby, tell me who you belong to.”

“You, sir.”

“Louder.” His long, hard strokes made your legs weak.

“I belong to you, sir! I’m all yours!”

“Good girl.” His other hand reached around your front, fingers quickly finding your clit and drawing quick circles around it. “Now, let everyone out there know that I’m the only one that gets to make you cum.”

Your legs shook and you knew if it weren’t for his arms holding you up, you wouldn’t be able to stand. Your mind was blank, forgetting everything but his words and the feeling of his cock filling you.

Your vision went white as your orgasm washed over you, the room filled with sounds of you moaning his name and his skin slapping against yours. You felt his pace falter slightly, his breath hot on your ear as he emptied himself inside you.

You stayed like that for a moment, both trying to catch your breath, before he finally pulled out of you and slid your skirt down.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about doing that,” he said, breathless, as he pulled his pants back up.

You let out a soft laugh. “Me too.” You start to grab a tissue from the box on his desk to clean yourself up before he grabbed your wrist. He spun you around to face him, face inches from yours.

“I don’t think so, sweetheart. I want everyone to know that you’re mine. And I want to see you try and hold yourself together with my cum dripping down your thighs.” He gave you a smirk before letting go of your wrist, making his way back to his chair, and continuing his work as if nothing had happened.

He couldn’t help but smile to himself as you tried to make yourself look somewhat presentable.

Maybe your plan worked a bit too well.

---

Let me know if you guys like this!! I've been thinking about doing a NSFW alphabet with our lovely detective, let me know if you guys would be interested 👀

[toptierteaser]

Fatass Control

He enjoys it. The view from the Control Room, his little kingdom. Surrounded on all sides by screens displaying the surveillance projections of the men in his charge…his personal ‘Guinea Pigs,’ he likes to call them. He smiles as he leans back in his chair, folding his strong, muscular arms behind his head, propping his big feet up on the desk as the eyes on his handsome face alter from one screen to the next. Just the thought of them…of the power he harbors over them, the knowledge of what he can do to them at any given time, on a simple whim makes him smirk with pleasure. And as he settles in for his shift, heart hammering with excitement and anticipation, he lets his eyes move from one screen to the other, from one overblown ass to the next as his fingers tease the control switches beside him, as he weighs his options of who to toy with first…

                Who should it be today? He looks at the top screen, displaying a fatty in his late college years, his distended belly and fat, swollen ass bursting out against his gray sweatshirt and sweatpants…the only things he is capable of squeezing his overblown body into since his rapid, recent weight gain. The controller’s eyes move to the next screen where a big ginger man cowers away in the bathroom, panting as he desperately attempts to close the button on his dress pants, ashamed and embarrassed as his voluptuous belly struggles against his waistband, his overindulgence at lunch catching him in the act of gluttony. He looks again, from the chubby businessman on the screen now to the man huffing along on the treadmill, his jiggling rolls warring against his exercise clothes as the fat on his enormous ass wobbles, his thunderous thighs rubbing as he attempts to do something resembling a run.

                “At least fat fuck number three is putting in a little effort today,” he snickers, watching the former jock’s pathetic version of athleticism. The same cannot be said for the others, though, as they do their usual, wiggling in their seats as they try to get comfortable, picking at the undies and shorts that ride up the ballooning asses that swallow them up. Struggling against buttons and seatbelts, or desperately whimpering as they try to put on their shoes. But none dare to do the fattest thing he can think of…none dare to stuff their chunky faces. They know he is watching them, keeping tabs on their gluttony…that he will punish them for their weakness and their greed, the moment they break and begin to stuff their tubby faces with more fat, fast food!

                He adjusts in his seat, calming himself. His job is to hold these porkers accountable…at least it was, when the obese men first signed up for the program. Each of them had heard of the results, had seen their coworkers and friends shed the pounds at a rapid weight. They had waddled their quivering asses as quickly as they could to the stores where they could sign up to have their ears implanted with an irremovable headpiece, their brains injected with signals that could control their appetites and fatigue receptors, their fat cells connected to “alterers,” which could supplement a rise or fall in swelling, in fat storage…

                At first the results had been dramatic and quick. The controllers spent their days encouraging the plump men to exercise, eat right, engage in healthier activities…and their clients reaped the benefits of their hard work! Nothing like taking the easy route for fatboys like these; handsome heads on blowfish-like-bodies, whose only thoughts seemed to be about their next opportunities to stuff their faces with greasy food. But then, corporate stepped in. He and the other controllers had been doing too good a job, and other drugs which would result in more rapid weight-loss were starting to take the place of their program. They were starting to lose customers, and corporate certainly couldn’t have that. So they encouraged their employees to…prolong the formerly-recent results. Maybe even reverse them if it came to it…

                He had been surprised by the instructions, even resentful. So his job was to help a bunch of fat fucking porkers who couldn’t keep their chubby hands out of the cookie jar to get even fatter? He scoffed at the idea. But that all changed after his first bout of tampering with his customer’s weight. He had caught the man bingeing, hiding out in his car so his roommates couldn’t see him cheating on his diet. And he had taken the opportunity, not to speak words of redirection or encouragement, but to whisper into the mic that connected directly to the man’s ear, “you know you want it fatty. You know you want another burger. You know you want to shove down another fistful of fries!” And to his surprise, the fat fuck obliged, gobbling down every greedy mouthful in the bag until he had to lean back, his belly puffing out between his waistband and his shirt as he looked at the chubby, round results of his greed. Far fatter than the little binge could account for…

                He hadn’t even realized as he was whispering what his fingers were doing, that they had wrapped around the control knobs, that they were pushing buttons. That they had made his client’s fat cells swell so much that by the time he stripped and stepped onto the scale, he had gone up twenty-five pounds.

                A sudden, intense twinge excited him and made him realize that there was a flicker of enjoyment in teasing the fatboy, in calling out his greed, in blowing him up with the touch of a button and even gaslighting the flustered fat fuck afterward into believing that it was his own fault for gorging on the bag of burgers, despite the impossibility of him putting on twenty-five pounds in a day!

                That moment had blossomed and ballooned as rapidly as his clients’ backsides, as he realized just how much he enjoyed toying with their bodies and their brains, and tampering with their appetites. Now, as he sits in his chair, surveying his collection of struggling, fatties, his harem of young, handsome piggies who were growing right before his eyes, he leans into the feeling, his toes clenching, his fingers itching for the control panels as he weighs who his next target will be…

                Who to fuck with? His eyes move from the chubby swimmer barely able to fit into his swimsuit to the TA, hardly able to keep his buttons from flying and hitting his students to the delivery man whose lips wet as he smells the aroma of food steaming from the bags beside him.

                His index finger tickles the top of one of the knobs. “Eenie…” He looks at the groomsman, desperately trying to fit into his tuxedo. ”…meenie” A mechanic tries to wiggle his blubbery body beneath a car as his coworkers tease his chub. “…miney…” A fatass sweats as he tries to decide at the lunch counter between a bowl of pasta and a salad.

                He leans in, a sneer curling the lips on his chiseled, pretty face. who should it be? He would have to deserve it, of course…and while he enjoys watching them all struggle, none of them seem to be doing anything that would warrant punishment. Who will be the one acting enough like a fat fuck to tip his hand?

                And then he sees him…the former model, the social media influencer. The handsomest of all…or at least he was until he blew his fat body up like a pastry! Well, his face was still handsome…and the rest of his body looked like an overinflated Thanksgiving Day Parade float.

                He watches as the ridiculously-cute fatty strides into his room, fat ass wedged into the designer underwear he could fit into about a hundred pounds ago. Flustered as he crosses his apartment, but apparently not caring or remembering that the controller can see what he is doing. The chub’s thick arms wrapped tightly around something, as if trying to hide it from view of the camera. The controller leans in, adjusting the camera to reveal that the object is a gigantic bucket of fried chicken accompanied by potato wedges. All deep fried. All fattening.

                He leans into the screen, about to burst from his excitement. The overfed model jiggles his fat body onto the bed, leaning back as his belly takes up half his lap, as his thighs fight each other for space, as his man tits and chubby arms battle over the bucket. The piglet reaches his hand in, drawing first a chicken leg and then a potato wedge in the other. He opens the plump, pretty lips on his handsome face…

                “Do it, fatty,” says the controller into the mic. And he watches as the fataboy sinks his teeth into the chicken, ripping a chunk greedily!

                That’s all he needs! The controller flicks the switch and as the fatty binges, he watches as his skin stretches, his fat rolls swelling, the pudge rapidly blimping around his swelling body. He eats and eats as the controller whispers in his ear. “That’s right piggy…eat like your life depends on it fatboy,” the settings so low that the fatass won’t be able to even register that he is being talked to…commanded to act like the true, fat piggy boy that he is.

                It isn’t until the former model is done stuffing his face that he even realizes the change. But when he does, the controller can see him grow flustered in an instant. The porker leans back, sweating, grabbing at his belly, eyes wide with shock, as if unable to believe what he sees before him.

                The controller smiles, satiated by the handsome fat fuck’s flustered state. But it doesn’t keep him satisfied for long. In an instant, he turns his attention to another, to the fat businessman still struggling to button his pants. He flicks a switch and laughs as the man’s belly blubbers out by a couple inches, sending the button flying wildly across the bathroom, accompanied by a satisfying r-i-i-i-i-p of the lardass’s trousers!

                And then he unleashes all his might, flicking this switch and that, whispering into each of his client’s ears as he sends them, one by one, into a tizzy, a feeding frenzy, watching his own symphony; the smacking of food, the squealing of shock, the huffing flustered whimpering as they try to run of the pudge. A mosaic of helpless, flustered fatties who balloon before his eyes, who burst against their clothes as they make total embarrassments of themselves in front of their friends, as they rip their clothes and pop their buttons and blub up like a farm full of fat, handsome piggies who only grow fatter before the controller’s eyes!

[blubushie]

not directly related to tf2 ship discourse but ive seen interpretations (more than one so this isnt about anyone in specific) that the mercs dont really have any attachment to eachother more than being coworkers (minus maybe scout and miss pauling or medic and heavy) but personally i think its a bit more complex than that. like would they have chosen other people to surround themselves with if they had the choice? yes. does this mean that they dont have any attachment beyond a professional one? no. even sniper is seen getting tacos with scout (jarate comic) and fistbumping him (mann vs machine update sfm iirc) and spy offers to help the team fulfill a last wish in expiration date...and these are only like the most surface level ones...

Oh yeah people who say that shit don't know wtf they're talking about imo

I think they're very much a found family. Not in the stupid Tumblr idea of found family where it's nuclear, and Medic's the mum and Engie's the dad and Scout and Pyro are the kids and Sniper's the weird uncle who lets you smash bottles and light fireworks and gives you your first cigarette and teaches you to drive because dad's too busy in his workshop, but rather "We are family to each other, us as a group is all we have, our ragtag band of misfits, and will die for each other if necessary—we also will hang absolute shit on each other at EVERY given opportunity".

They're found family but not in a nuclear sense—they're found family in a military sense. Brothers in arms, "No one fucks with him except us". They're terrible to each other, but they're also there for each other and they'll also lay down their lives for each other if it's ever needed.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

[rageprufrock]

Just out of curiosity, now that things have developed, what is your current opinion of the BOC "crisis" situation? And what sort of action would you have advised in the face of a possible intentional smear campaign? Is silence still the best option, and does publicly bringing legal charges, etc. help or hinder in that case?

Not to mention you then have the incredibly public "surprise" announcement of another performer separating from the company ...

My instinct would be to say, "there is no crisis right now," because none of the noise actually breaks though to the signal ratio--like the production company is rolling along, concerts are happening, the movie is being filmed, etc. All of the other stuff is just that, noise, and irrelevant to them since the parties are no longer affiliated with BOC in a business capacity. This is where I'd counsel a client to practice forbearance: if you have the stones and the liquidity, you can grit your teeth and keep your head down long enough that you can get through almost anything. Most examples of this aren't great--see: any of the men who were rightfully canceled and now making their comeback after two or three years of silence--but this can also work well for people who just had a massively public disgracing and needed the zeitgeist to move on from having them be social media's main character of the day. (This is also why so much of the advisory on crisis comms is actually just to shut up, because doing so gives people the opportunity to forget about you, and someone else to put their foot in it and move the narrative along.)

But in truth, at this point, I don't think any of us know enough about what's going on to make any wise commentary--which is exactly as it should be. I should be forced to say, "who the fuck knows," when it comes to the inner workings of most things, because it's none of my business!

I'll say that Jeff leaving BOC was an interesting one, but that I most likely would have handled it the same way, and for a couple of reasons:

You can say you're a family, but this is still at its heart a business enterprise, and any one of them should be clear-eyed enough to look out for themselves first and foremost--people leaving to pursue their own projects or make transitions that make the most sense for them is inevitable, and we shouldn't act like it isn't.

That said, they're all trauma bonded from the whole experience of filming KinnPorsche, and clearly friends in addition to coworkers, and to have told them in advance of the show to give them private time to prepare would have seriously affected their performance at that final show, which I think would have been both a disservice to their fans but also unfair to them after all the work they'd put in.

Telling them several days or even weeks in advance--as surely this had been in the works for a while, with at least the seniormost members of the exec org knowing about the transition--wouldn't have worked either, because the more people know a secret, the less of a secret it is. Especially given the recent kerfuffle, it's critical to position it as a friendly departure, and to message it as a bittersweet but joyful next adventure, and not Jeff fleeing from the smoking remains of BOC. Given the timing of everything else going on, holding until it got the main stage at the closing event of their concert series makes sense: it feels deliberate, it feels intentional, it feels cooperatively planned, and it feels like they're sending off a beloved colleague and friend with all their best wishes, and on the biggest stage they can. It projects the right message.

All that said, no plan survives first contact with reality, so even if they've retained the most terrifyingly smart crew of publicists at this point, it still wouldn't protect them from the unexpected. In this case, the literal sweet baby angel child they're raising in that whorehouse being overtired and overamped and crying because his TV boyfriend is leaving and taking Barcode's coconuts with him.

[hostileheart]

All to tell (John Phillips X (fem) reader)

second FF upload to tumblr if you have any suggestions let me know thank you// to sum this one up you both work as interns at your father's company and it seems that he knows more about you than you anticipated TW for heavy sexual content and non-con elements

You lived in upstate Maryland for as long as you could remember, traveling briskly for your family's work related reasons or for a blissful summer holiday. You yourself never got out much at all, surrounded by the comfort of your home and your private college. Despite living in one place for that amount of time you still found yourself unsociable, purely out of choice. It was a rare occurrence to make conversation with anyone your age about any non school related subjects. There was no real reason to, having a one track mind makes it easy to accomplish what you wanted to. Which was exactly why your father had chosen you over your brother to take an internship at the company he was employed at. You felt dubiously guilty about the endeavor, most of the people starting an internship at the business were sons of other wealthy, dull, like minded middle aged men. On the eve of your first day you pondered to yourself about all the opportunities this could open for you, what type of impression you were going to make upon your father’s coworkers, your mind strains at the mere thought of the possible creepy touchy older men whose eyes would pin you down as you were simply trying to file paperwork, when they would make that so sickening small talk people do. Rest assured if anything was to happen you could leave whenever you pleased.

The next morning came too soon, as most Saturdays do good or not. Taking your time in the dawn of the morning to get ready and to leave promptly at 7:45 am. The car ride was silent as most times no matter the occasion are entirely. Arriving at the front doors of the company you noticed how everyone had said hello to your father with a sense of high respect, understanding why due to his high position, however not truly understanding why. You were introduced to his team members, then promptly placed into a room with other interns. Young men are already standing up to introduce themselves to try and be friendly. This sickened you, you despised it all, not being able to tell if their intentions were pure or not, this reminded you of intermediate school all over again. you briefly waved to them in a somewhat friendly way to signal you didn’t wish to be bothered. There was one young man who did not stand up to introduce himself, however had been staring at you the entire time. He seemed too familiar however you could not place a name to his face at that given moment. In order to figure out his name you put a plan in action, within the next five minutes you would use the restroom, it being down the hall from his desk. Why would you put this amount of effort just to find out a man’’s name? You didn't know why entirely it made you feel ill to a degree.

Five minutes passed and you stood up walking slowly, passing his desk, eyeing his name plate which was engraved in silver John Phillips. It hit you then that you had met him on numerous occasions, your fathers knowing each other well. However you were to never speak to him directly on your own accord. Reality came crashing back as you found yourself stopped for a moment in front of his desk spacing out for as it seemed no reason, his eyes on you the entire time not saying anything back. You collect yourself and walk into the women's restroom. Covering your mouth as you stood in front of the mirror, he looked so different from the last time you saw him, his eyes still soft yet his gaze was completely solidified. It almost aroused you, you smiled to yourself trying to control your own thoughts.

he liked you. Oh, he really fucking adored you. He liked the way you walked, and how your voice sounded. He liked how you looked when you had no idea he was watching. His watching had gone on for months, as a matter of fact you interning here was all a part of his plan recommending you to his father for the open position, John knew way too much about you more than what was comfortable.  He liked how quiet and lonesome you were, and he liked to think he could one day own you, to be the only person in the entire world to know and understand your deepest thoughts and feelings. 

As you were in the restroom he laughed to himself, slipping his hands in his pockets, knowing that this was only the beginning of his plan. Normally he would not put this amount of effort into anything, this type of behavior being completely foreign to himself he savored it constantly thinking about his new found interest, his newfound obsession. He utterly adored every part of you. He craved to know more about you. It pained him how silent you are.

You walked out the restroom after two minutes, just standing in front of the mirror adjusting your hair and lipstick. You once again pass by his desk, however something grabs onto your wrist, you look down immediately and low and behold it was John. Your eyes squint as you look up at him, quickly pulling away from his grasp. “y/n, was it?” you look around before answering with a nod “I’m John, John Phillips, we had met before at a couple of company dinners, anyway if you need any assistance with anything i’ll be around and might I add that you made quite the impression.” He smiles before composing himself, “thank you” you say with a soft tone. You smile to yourself, as you sit down quickly continuing your paperwork for another hour before your father’s assistant comes in and directs you to run down to the copy room and file something for the security office. “And John Phillips will be directing you to the security office once you file all ten copies which shouldn’t take too long.” His assistant spits out before quickly leaving you to file,

John walks up to you and says “Here send me five so we can get this done quicker” He says placing his hand on the back of your chair, you feel his long dark brown hair draping over your head. You groan to yourself “Sure thank you” you send him the documents and sure enough within the next seven minutes you both were finished with the files. You look back at him as he stands up with the papers in hand and he walks over to you, you notice the way he walks, making you grin so different from the rest of the guys who had worked here, way less formal. “Ready?” you ask him as he walks over to you “Yep yep”

a tensed silence fills the air around you two, he speaks up again “ Still in high school?” you shake your head in disagreement “Graduated last year, started a private college recently.. What about you?” he looks over at you and nods “ Yeah in my last year now, well what college?” you bite your lip before answering, debating if you should tell him or not “uhh.. John Hopkins University” John Smiles and looks over to you “ Oh really? I applied over there, what's it like?” you watch his facial expressions wisely, “Just as you would expect” you sigh

You look up at the door title starting ‘SECURITY ROOM’ “we’re here it seems.” you state as you reach for the door handle, he quickly opens the door for you allowing you to walk in front of him, he shuts the door behind you two locking it without your knowledge. You try to flip the light switch, he watches you “So the lights don’t work in here they never fix it apparently it makes it easier to look at the computer screens, and most times nobody is in here unless it’s a PM shift the paperwork we have is for the PM shift” he states. “ I see okay, how often do they have you do this” you question, “ not too often” he answers quickly, drawing his eyes away from your frame.

You can’t make out John's facial expression or tell his body language the dim computer screen light in the background only outlining both of your bodies.

John had slipped his hand in his pocket palming his bulge softly, his dick hard, your breath being rapid from the tension of the moment, the silence filled the air other than your own breath, thinking of things to speak about you walk around the room in the darkness and stare at the computer screen and the things scattered across the desk. “They keep it rather messy here, don't they?” John doesn’t answer. A minute of silence, any minute more would make you want to leave. You look around to your sides obviously not seeing him, He then presses himself against your backside, leaning his head over your shoulder and tilting it in the direction of your face. “It’s dark in here for a reason y/n” You don’t move, you can’t even if you wish. His touch against your skin made your body shake in fear, your mind absent as he was too. “I know you remember me, don’t you?” he whispers directly into your ear. “What if I don’t” your lips quivering as you fearfully turn to him.

It’s not like you weren’t enjoying it, as a matter of fact, you adored every second of it, you’ve thought about this since the first time you saw him years ago. “I’ll make you remember me” he grins as he places his hand around your throat, turning his head to yours to get a better peak of your face. "Why are you doing this John?" You spat out, voice shaky. He answered you by shoving his hand beneath your tight pencil skirt and under the constricting material of your tights. You quickly shut your eyes as you felt his fingers on the fabric of your thong. He presses his hardened dick against your ass. His fingers pushed past your underwear and dragged along your core. You attempted to look away from him, but John's grip on your throat brought you back. "Don't look away, now," he laughed at you.

You observed his face as he fit his fingers inside of you. Your hands reached for his throat. You didn't try to throw him off of you, you just held onto him as he fingered you. His fingers stretched you out painfully. You could feel tears stinging your eyes as he pushed in and out."So tight", he commented, grinning and teasing you.

He tore his fingers from you and leaned forwards to kiss you. You could feel the ends of his hair falling on your face. His erection rubbed against your ass aggressively. You wanted to spit at him, bite him, do something, but you weren't sure how that would turn out for you.

John pulled your skirt down as far as he could. You could hear his belt buckle jingling as you anticipated him. As you waited, you could feel the skin around your throat getting sore from John's hand, he leaned over and ripped open your tights with one motion. He fumbled with his boxers, his dick slipping out of them quickly. He slides himself between your thighs, never inserting himself inside. You muffle out moans from his sweaty and salvia-covered hand. “I know you need it, don’t you” he whispers into your ear, he tightens his grip around your throat. You nod, turning away in embarrassment, your breathing heavy and knees weak. “Say it then.” you shake your head looking down, “Please…please John I can’t” You turn away from his gaze, “Too fucking bad whore.” He chuckles and pushes you away from him against the desk, he conceals himself by zipping up his pants. He grabs your chin and pulls you close, almost spitting in your face. “If you tell anyone about this I’ll tell management, and your father just about what a whore you are for getting off at work. “I won’t I’m sorry” You whisper out in fear as you step towards him grabbing his hands softly, his disposition softens as you look up at him. He walks over to you and grabs your chin and plants a kiss on your forehead and wipes away your tears, pulling you into his arms. This became a thing you two did every time you both were there at the same time, sneaking away but never actually fucking. It was killing you, it was killing him. You began to admire him slowly, this admiration was picked up by the other interns who oftentimes would tease you both about it.

One night, you were alone walking back from a cafe late at night. You were a completely oblivious woman you never once noticed him. He observed you unlock the door to your house, which was close to St. John’s private boy’s Academy, with your key. He glanced at you as you closed the door as he passed your street. There were no cars in the driveway. You were home alone weren’t you? Oh, how easy it would be to just to.. break in. John couldn't help but get aroused at thinking of all the things he could be doing to you right at that moment.

He'd been watching you all day. He saw you shower, a red flush across your body as you stepped out of the hot water. He saw you shift into pajamas and do your classwork. Everything was going according to plan. He slowly made his way through your home, guessing where your room was. His feet were creaking on the floor, and by the way, your TV turned off, you had heard him. He opened the door, only to be greeted by your fearful expression. “John! What are you doing here?” you look at him in shock “You left the door open princess, could've been dangerous. Don’t worry I locked it for you” He grinned as he stepped towards the edge of your bed frame. Looking around your room, he looks back at you. “Cool shit you got,” he says as he sits down next to you. “Thanks John” You sheepishly whisper out. You eye him down looking at his attire, casual rich guy’s son bullshit but paired with a silly graphic tee which made complete sense for him. “I’ve missed you in more ways than one,” he says, getting up and then laying over you “John..” you sigh nervously, your body shaking with anticipation “We shouldn’t”. He tilts his head, his long hair falling over your face, he tilts your chin up. “Nobody is home and I came all this way don’t back out now”.

He says as he bites into your neck holding you down by your shoulders. You whimper in pain, as he rubs his erection against your leg, you unbuckle his belt and unzip his boxers. He quickly removes your top revealing that you weren’t wearing a bra, how exciting. He grips your breast tightly, admiring your body with every touch. John doesn’t waste any time, shoving his fingers inside of you pumping them in and out rapidly, this alone was enough to get you off, but John knew it wasn’t enough for him.You felt abruptly vacant as he pulled his slim fingers away from you. You practically whined before you felt his mouth prodding at your entry. His hand pressed against the side of your thigh, gripping it tightly as he looked up at you “John"! You moaned as his mouth worked wonders.

He was eating you out like he was starved. His tongue was moving eagerly and his finger was pressing harder into your clit..your climax building up. You were simply... right there.

"J-John"! You cried out. "I- I-- fuck"!

He was moving his tongue faster if possible, his gentle dark eyes trained on you. You bit the inside of your cheek, hips convulsing as you came, he licked the inside of your thigh before removing himself from between your hips.

 He grabs your shoulders as you both stand up he pushes you onto your knees shoving the finger he used to fuck you with inside your mouth, his dick slapping your forehead “suck my fucking dick whore.” you obey shyly as you grab the base of it, deepthroating it slowly, your eyes water with tears as you push it inside your mouth as much as you can. He looks down at you and pushes his hair out of his face whimpering softly as you wrap your lips and tongue around him,, he grips on to your hair and pulls you away, then quickly pushes you onto your stomach against the edge of the bed. He grabbed your hips instantaneously, pressing his tip against your entrance, you felt him shove himself inside you quickly, he began to fuck you, his metal rings digging into the sides of your hips, sure to leave a mark “Such a good slut for me” he chuckled as he thrust into you roughly and slowly, flipping you over to face him quickly he grabs your hips and pushes your legs closer to him, grabbing one of them and putting it over his shoulder Your toes curled and your eyes rolled back into your head .John watched intently, feeling you clench and convulse around his cock. He felt his orgasm approaching and feeling you fall limp beneath him was the breaking point. John kept a close eye on you as you seemed out of breath as your feet curled and your eyes rolled up into your head, he watched you helplessly squirm underneath him this was his breaking point, he groaned in pain and in arousal, his hair and body shaking as he thrusts into you rapidly, releasing his hot cum inside of you. “You're mine” He groans out and falls to your side  grabbing your cheek and kissing you softly “and i’m yours” He whispers out before, cleaning you up and getting dressed. “I’ll see you again y/n” he smiles before exiting out of your window and heading back to his dorm. This was for sure a score for his loser stoner virgin ass.

[prinnamon]

arlen's mind notes! mostly ground that was already covered by @spiderh0rse's arlen's mind notes, but i'm enjoying documenting my mindverse journey too.

EPISODE 1

unlike barney, Arlen relies on An Actual Alarm Clock instead of trusting his roommates to wake him

barney snores loud as fuck and is an extremely heavy sleeper (arlen tries and fails to wake him. in Mind of Ryan, Ryan claims to have done the same.)

arlen doesn't remember what he did last night, but his back hurts

says he doesn't give a fuck about barney

arlen wonders if he's the person who hates mornings the most in the world. sure, i believe it. maybe he really is the specialest boy in the universe.

"washes" his hands in the backed-up flooded sink water. thinks this is acceptable. disgusteng.

the vending machines eat his money. he is very upset that his snack and soda are gone (stolem). at least he tried to eat something for breakfast, but as a mindverse character, he is simply not allowed.

KATE! WE GET TO SEE KATE! i hadn't realized she'd be physically present. i'd assumed she was a Phantom Girlfriend like Lauren from Barney's Mind who we'd never actually get to meet.

is a little groggy and dismissive of Kate. immediately starts worrying that he sounded like an asshole.

"why do we need… a ramp… and stairs here?" arlen. buddy. c'mon.

"what the hell's going on here? what are they gonna do when they come to these stairs?" ok, he has a point about this one actually. why is there only a ramp in one spot

also, though, why does he find this worth remarking upon? he's not new here. that's first day/week talk.

jokingly predicts the alien invasion pretty accurately. expects to be the sole survivor. is looking forward to that outcome.

hates work. me too bud

walks into work, sees people having tech problems, and tells them "try a reboot if you have not." if i was one of his coworkers i would strangle him for that. you get here late and you honestly think we haven't tried turning it off and on again? perish at my hands loser

"i'm not a computer expert. i just press keys and then it works." ipad baby 🫵

sees Gordon driving in. does not recognize him but immediately clocks him as someone who "thinks he owns the place"

falls asleep on the job. maaaybe talks in his sleep, but it's always unclear in these series whether the dialogue is meant to be seen as spoken or internal.

wakes up with a headache.

shoots the vortigaunts reflexively before they even move to attack him.

extended string of "that did not just happen. did that happen—? that never happened."

his name is TJ. his dead coworker's name is CJ. i want all of the guards he encounters to be named something along these lines. PJ. DJ. AJ. it would be so funny

he has a radio that actually lets him communicate with sector G's management, holy shit. only character with functioning radio equipment???

hears that Sector F has sent in similar reports to what he just encountered and immediately starts running to see if Kate's okay. so for all that talk about how everyone aggravates him, he does really care, at least about her.

EPISODE 2

arlen is one of very few who actually takes a moment to really get close and examine the aliens he kills, trying to figure out what's up with them instead of running straight by.

he says "i know i just saw something" often.

extremely aware. has not given any aliens an opportunity to attack him yet. which isn't to say he's shooting them immediately for no reason; he has some pretty obvious clues to the fact that they are hostile, like the dead bodies and the headcrab zombies.

the extreme awareness continues even when there's nothing to be aware of. at this point, he's just on constant high alert.

calls things "gay" if they are of no use or interest to him

"i want a soda, and i have a gun." [shoots vending machine; it breaks and soda cans fall out] "and now i have a soda, too." probably most charming bit so far

Sprite drinker. *excitedly tabs over to a spreadsheet called "mindverse character soda preferences"*

shooting crates open in search of treasure chests. buddy. what???

forgot about Kate. feels bad for forgetting about Kate.

a couple times, he's taken a sort of "serves them right" position about people he's found dead. wonder if he really feels that way or if it just helps him cope.

doesn't shoot the houndeyes right away! waits for them to explode his ears with their psychic attack before he starts blastin'

thinks the soundwave made his kidney explode

Kate is his entire motivation for trying so hard. "i'm worried about her, and if i don't do this, i'll forever wonder if i could've helped her."

thinks it's incredibly unfair that aliens get to break the laws of physics and he doesn't!

would be pretty embarrassed if he survived an alien apocalypse and then died from a heart attack.

EPISODE 3

"calm. calm. calm. I'MGONNAKILLEVERYBODY. calm. calm." takes second place for my favorite line.

straight up that is an arcade and not a restroom. awesome but where do i piss.

"i'm not sure whether to be more upset that we're wasting money on something like this—an arcade—or that nobody ever told me about it." feels very left out and excluded.

has been trying to get the company to issue him a new gun for two months since his broke.

sees or possibly hallucinates a floating headcrab.

sees the barnacle ahead of time. guns down the nearby zombies before he can see what it does to them, but is curious enough that he gets close enough for it to wrap around his neck and choke him for a second. this stuns him, hurts really bad, and leaves him with headache #2.

says "i'm not evil! it's me! tj arlen!" as if the military would just hear that and be like ohhh okay! hey everybody, no worries, we got tj here!"

is so scared he mispronounces his own middle name

killed two people (out of necessity) and seems dead certain he's going to hell now

EPISODE 4

brands himself a "homicidal maniac" after, again, killing exactly 2 people in self-defense.

never before considered the idea that he might actually kill anyone.

slams his nose into the wall in his panic as he runs from more grunts shooting at him. gets more upset than i've heard him get in this entire series. thinks his nose is broken!

aware that he would die if he fell, but evidently not afraid of heights. just enjoys the view.

NOT having fun. does NOT like murdering people. …DOES like watching blood splatter against the wall (immediately feels bad and wrong for thinking that)

forgets how much the situation sucks for just a moment to be impressed with his own ability to shoot down a turret from a distance.

he says "god hold me" instead of "god help me." i have not heard that one before.

wishes kate was here… not that he was with her wherever she is but that she was with him where he is. would feel more comfortable and confident in his ability to get through this if he was with her. shows that he thinks of her as trustworthy and competent, probably more so than himself.

has played minecraft. associates exploding creatures with creepers

recognizes the gman even at a glance. wants NOTHING to do with him and will NOT ask for his help.

after his first encounter with a bullsquid, he gives up trying to make sense of anything that's happening to him.

says "back to my life as a mole" when he has to go back in the vents to progress

"explosions are fun! especially when they murder people." i think he's just saying words recreationally now because this is directly contradictory to the previous characterization in this same episode. i highly doubt the last four minutes were enough time for him to spiral into madness etc etc.

i will admit he is killing and quipping with a little more enthusiasm now and saying things like "i wonder if there's anybody down here to kill." concerning.

EPISODE 5

recognizes the tram, but has never learned how to operate one.

casually steps backwards off of the moving tram. is not hurt in the process. smooth moves

dismayed to realize he may now be a conspiracy theorist. quickly rationalizes his way out of it so he can go on feeling content that he's not One Of Them.

briefly entertains the idea that he's dreaming.

bullsquid spit RIGHT in his eye! horrible! he sounds like he's in more pain than when he broke(?) his nose, which is saying a lot, and there's a visual effect to show how badly it's messing up his vision.

broke his arm before. his eye hurts worse than that.

particularly terrified when he sees an alien grunt. probably in no small part due to having just watched it absolutely eviscerate another guard. reeeally wants to believe it doesn't exist.

creeped out when rachel, another guard, won't talk to him. she does just kinda stare at him and then follow him around. i'd be a little creeped out, too.

rachel gets killed, and he finds a blood-covered radio and a note among her things that. auuuugh. dumps a whole bunch of exposition which i found it really hard to focus on. he reads it while walking. okay i don't want to but i've gotta re-listen and try to parse that because it sounded plot-critical

arlen learns from this note that the marines and special forces are trying to apprehend gordon freeman, who needs to be warned. he learns that the marines were ordered to kill black mesa employees and that the special forces were ordered to do the same as well as kill the marines.

the radio he picked up allows him to communicate over a secret secure channel, since the special forces are monitoring the default channel.

somehow he knows the special forces "are like ninjas" despite not having encountered them yet

thinks he's as good as dead if the special forces are after him.

calls in over the radio and manages to reach his friend (jordan/jordon) from sector g. jordan asks after rachel. when he learns that she didn't make it, jordan tells arlen to take up her mission and warn gordon freeman.

yet again, he's fixing other people's fuck-ups! he feels this has been the story of his life since he started working at black mesa.

has absolutely no clue where he is in the facility until he lands in loading bay d, which he recognizes immediately

knows right away that it's freeman in the hev suit despite not having been told what he would look like. maybe this means he actually did know gordon beforehand? mneh. i will make my own canon about this since it feels inconsistent

EPISODE 6

HEV training flashback! …why does Arlen receive HEV training instead of guard training?

"door, why you no open?"

wonders how Black Mesa can "keep bitching about how they're underfunded" when they can afford training holograms.

his high school had a "positive parent" initiative with a $5 membership fee.

he considers his high school "the poor kids' school."

surprised and dismayed by the fact that there are scientists monitoring his training. would rather no one be watching. (arlen what do you think happens in that scenario if you hurt yourself)

"this isn't like i'm going to be training to be a black op." arlen? hello?? a black op???

says he's receiving this training in case they run out of scientists to do a certain job. and holy SHIT that's ominous to me. like the administration knew there might be a shortage of survey team members. like they knew that losing them was a possibility and were preparing backup survey team members. it's just. aaaaa it's so fucked up do you understand how fucked up it is. am i explaining it right

jokingly ponders whether they're invading an alien planet. is pretty correct except for the part about the purpose being so that they can cure cancer. nah i think they did it just to do it. but good on him for his miniscule amount of faith in the administration at least having benevolent intentions

you can't say that white baby.

"you know you're a sad case when you talk to yourself this much." AHA. so at least some of your dialogue IS spoken and not just internal.

says the long jump module goes around his arm. i don't… i don't like that. is that true? i thought it went around their torso somewhere. like a jetpack. does it go on their arm?? is he getting that from somewhere or just making it up??? i guess it looks a little small to go around your whole body, but i feel like you'd tear your arm out of its socket every time you used it if it was a thing on your arm. i've decided he's wrong about this. he's doing it wrong

he does like the long jump module a lot. wants to keep it. not above stealing it if he can get away with it.

tries and fails to step on the cockroaches he sees. hates them. manages later to smash one with a crowbar.

happy for the opportunity to break crates at work.

makes reference to slenderman. lists a number of things he think slenderman does. says he never found him scary.

extremely happy that he gets to do weapons training as part of this but wonders why the hell scientists need to be trained with weapons

tries for way too long to shoot through the glass that says "UNBREAKABLE" in big yellow letters.

he hates swimming because he does not like to be wet. actually thinks it's awesome as long as he's wearing a waterproof suit

UNDERWATER MUMBLING 🙌

INCOHERENT WHIMPERING 🙌

was sick the day they told people how to use the trams. gives up.

ponders kicking barney out of the dorm for the night since he can stay with lauren instead.

barney hates snakes. arlen would happily use this knowledge against him.

EPISODE 7

back to the present. he lives!!!

he wakes up somewhere completely different. looks like a wind tunnel. his radio, flashlight, and weapons have all been taken.

moving hurts. very bad.

seems to remember everything that has happened to him. upset to learn that the aliens weren't a dream.

his wound. isn't bleeding. at all. i guess

he was shot somewhere in the torso, because apparently his shirt is over the wound and tight enough to act like a bandage.

i'm gonna go ahead and say gman intervened to prevent him from dying. or, uh, gmind. cia guy. you know him. but anyway, the special forces had a clean shot at him. and there's no way they would have moved what they thought was his corpse to that random tunnel and left him alone without checking at any point to make sure he was dead. a certain somebody is definitely lookin out for him.

his priorities: get a gun, get a car, get Kate, get the fuck out.

lets out a little startled yell each time he fires the shotgun.

starting to like the adrenaline rush (of killing? of being in danger? i assume he means the former, but he kinda doesn't specify!)

would like to capture an alien and keep it as a pet. it would make him feel badass. that's his new back-burner priority.

still terrified of alien grunts but just says "holy pancake!" this time instead of letting out an extended scream like he did earlier.

houndeyes remind him of dogs. wonders if he can "train one to be a dog."

"they're like creepers in minecraft, only they don't self-destruct." so they're nothing like creepers then, man. why are you like this. why do you say the things that you do.

the pain had faded into the background. when he gets to a first aid station and gets some morphine, it finally registers with him again how much pain he was in.

i can barely hear him during this section over the music and gunfire, but he repeatedly shouts "evasive maneuvers!" which is very funny. it's like audibly going "stealth!" while trying to hide

the military is deliberately blocking the parking garage in an effort to prevent people from leaving. sucks!

dead survey team member? whuh huh?? what are you doing here???

has zero idea how to pick up women. no clue how he ended up with kate. seems like he earnestly Does Not Remember.

sees that the metal detectors didn't go off when bullets (metal) passed through them and naturally assumes they are inoperative. decides to step through to test this theory. they go off. nice going, dipshit <3

EPISODE 8

hit in the head with a brick. the turrets have been beeping nonstop for fifteen minutes, despite not thinking it'll work, he snaps and pops out of his hiding spot to shoot it.

admonishes the scientists for not taking the guns on the ground.

glass in his arm from when the houndeye soundwave shattered the window! not as bad as when he cut himself on dried shredded cheese. makes a "sharp cheddar" joke. awesome

shocked by the vortigaunts' ability to speak. ready to hear em out until it starts attacking. listens to the next one and argues/converses with it! does not kill em afterward!

starts wondering if the other aliens will talk to him. hesitant to kill them now.

bemoans the fact that the security guard team is a glorified IT department, fixing every problem around the facility.

"i did NOT go to engineering school! if your fucking elevator will not work, i can't help you."

has apparently had his pay reduced for not fixing things he doesn't know how to fix. awful hellworld stuff. not that people aren't justified in sleeping at all jobs, but i can especially see why he sleeps at this job.

balancing on a distressingly small ledge.

got called to the biology department to solve a computer issue. after three hours, he was finally able to determine that a power strip was plugged into itself instead of into the wall.

simmons and walter cameo!!! arlen calls simmons "simms." maybe they know each other decently well. neither walter nor simms has heard from kate, unfortunately. but they do have health goo! arlen loooves being injected with health goo <3

running still really hurts.

simms fucking DEAD! oh, false alarm. no body, so arlen assumes simms got kidnapped.

arlen fails his stealth check and gets kicked off a ledge instead of pushing the soldier off. oopsieeee. yknow gmind really has his work cut out for him protecting this guy because arlen really is the struggler

EPISODE 9

unfortunately growing accustomed to this cycle of fighting for his life for a while, being knocked unconscious, and waking up somewhere else with no weapons.

wonders how he's still alive! if he was the army, he'd have killed him by now for sure.

earlier, he thought he was meant to die. now he realizes he's so lucky not to have died by now, maybe he's meant to live. maybe even some alien overlord is looking out for him. …naaaah. probably not. :3

breezes past a human head and leg on the ground and says shortly thereafter he didn't see any bodies in that room. wow. blood splatters and human remains are really just blending right into the scenery for him, huh.

he has a headache again. and his side still hurts from where he was shot. and his legs hurt from falling. he's got a lot of problems right now.

"walk up in the club and be like. what up. i got a pet rock"

proud of having blown up a helicopter, but concerned that it makes him an even bigger target.

"i'd rather be freezing than burning!" me too, man. i miss cold.

"and i thought i needed medication before this." tj arlen you will always be famous

EPISODE 10

he's still amazed at the ease with which he guns down military grunts. concludes that they must be expecting him to be unarmed.

it is not 2016. i will bite you.

at some point, he had fingerless gloves. now he doesn't. anyway i thought that was interesting.

time is getting weeeird for him due to the duration he's spent unconscious.

he considers morphine his "drug of choice." was that true before everything, or did it become true during the events of the game?

"okay. i understand now. everything these past few days is just my interpretation of what happened. it's why all the clocks don't have hands." so much fucked-up and inexplicable shit has happened to him that he no longer has any faith in the accuracy of his perception of reality. awesome! 😁

"it feels like i've been here for years, but if i really think about it—GRRAAHHGH. …if i really think about it,"

regretting not having tried to hotwire the car he found earlier.

maybe he should give up trying to find kate.

maybe he's in hell. wonders if he could have avoided this by being more religious.

believes religious texts are written by governments.

"but really, i'm not enlightened or better than everyone else. i just like to think i am but pretend i'm down-to-earth and a good-hearted person. was that what i was supposed to realize? i guess not, 'cause i kind-of already knew that. i'd be lying to myself if i said i didn't." feels like much of his life before all this was sorta. operating under several layers of playing pretend. deep down, he knows he's not better than anyone else, but he tries to tell himself he is, but he tries to seem humble to others?

says Kate doesn't truly matter to him. feels he should have valued her more. i don't think i believe him. im clinging to what he said in episode 4, that he wished she was there. he's always talking about her! and someone who really didn't care, i dunno, i don't think they'd be so worried about whether they cared enough.

bad relationship with his dad. complicated relationship with his mom.

suddenly talking like he thinks he's the worst guy in the world—like he brought all these bad things upon himself by being a bad person, by acting wrong in other areas of his life.

ah. yeah. the morphine is likely not a new thing. had a drug problem before this. hurt friends and lost relationships he cared about because of it.

this whole self-awareness thing sucks. he wants to go back to lying to himself even harder.

ready to stop existing. how can he stop existing.

making fun of the vortigaunts. starts entertaining himself by rhyming random words, then by narrating his situation and rhyming as he does so.

disappears down a pipe. he went out like super mario. godspeed buddy o7

EPISODE 10 (POST-CREDITS)

HE'S IN A FUCKING TUBE?

WHAT IS THIS.

what the fuck happens in azure sheep

sick gurgles, though

they let him out of his tube

kate saves his ass!!!

different kate model. i like this one less. give her back her glasses how will she see. give her back her vest she needs that.

arlen says "where are we going now?" and kate very faintly responds "heaven :3". i'm in shambles. that one word is all the characterization i'll ever get for her beyond how much arlen wants to save her but tbh it's so cute. that's enough., That's enough. WHO VOICED HER THOUGH BECAUSE KATE'S VA WASN'T IN THE CREDITS. WHO SAID THAT!?!?!?

what a strange first thing to say upon reuniting with your partner. weirdgirl kate reigns supreme.

i realized the other day that, despite featuring arlen, mind of ryan directly contradicts the canon of arlen's mind. if barney was around for ryan, who drove into work from off-site, to try and wake up, barney couldn't have been sleeping in the dorm with arlen. so yeah, there's not just the "too few beds and too little space in the dorm for three people to sleep comfortably" issue, there's "ryan straight-up claims he slept last night at the same off-site location as barney which is not possible in the same world as the one in which arlen's mind takes place." and i know the real answer to all this is "dravenmario wanted to pay homage to the series that inspired him, not necessarily be fully canon-compliant with that series," but i still. i dunno. thought it was mildly interesting and worth noting.

next i'll probably watch shephard's mind or chell's mind (the one by CyhAnide, although i do eventually plan to check out the Rychotech one).

[swedebeast]

I was not having a good day already today. The kid I am in charge of looking after is the most foul-mouthed, spiteful, obstinate, rude, disrespectful, and disruptive child I have ever seen in my entire life. Nothing I do reaches him, I can make deals and promises to the kid - and he promises to behave and he'll get something out of it like using a chrome book for the last hour of school, but breaks them and then freaks out and acts indignant after being warned what he is doing will null anything fun I had made plans with him.

And on top of all that, the kids thought it was fun to throw pens at me when I have my back turned to them. I even texted the principal that we needed to have a discussion about "my" kid's behaviour.

But hey, the best part was when he smacked a much smaller younger kid on the head when he was roaming around in the hallways, and I told him firmly that this was not okay - as to which he saw it as a challenge and hit ME on the head. As to which I held him by his arms, and raised my voice that I did not find that funny, I do not want to ever see that happen again, and he is going to knock that off.

His regular teacher even walked by, did not say a single thing.

And then, while having dinner at home today, I get a call from the principal that two teachers did not like what they saw I did, and I was asked to stay home for the rest of the week, and the two teachers, the principal, and me will meet up and talk about this.

So yeah. Good times. I try to do my job, and I fully admit I lost my temper, and it feels like such a cowardly measure when every single person I have talked to at this school have either turned down my position, or told me that they could never do what I am doing.

This child understands consequences, but does not choose to take responsibility for his actions. He lies, cheats, is violent to smaller children, and acts as if he will die if he does a single assignment in class, and refuses to believe that good grades = opportunities in adulthood, and he will just play games all day. If he needs to pay rent? He will get a job for a day and then quit. If he needs a car, he'll just steal one. If he can't find a place, he'll just stay with mom.

And of course you don't go to jail for stealing a car, of course not. You just get an ankle bracelet. My coworker, who is in charge of another child with other issues, said he got the better kid, and told me this kid I got will, and I quote, "cost society a lot of money through the years."

It sounds awful to rag on an elementary school student, and it is. And maybe I am ranting, but this is such a shit situation that I was not given any information about this kid or really any genuine expectations until -after- I had signed the contract. And I am just handed this menace, because no one else wants to because they know they can't handle it - and I am treated like a villain for doing the things everyone else knows they would end up doing.

I don't know if it is, but it fucking feels unfair. Maybe I should just give up, let him have one of the chrome books he tries to steal from the classroom and run away, and just let him sit in one of the unused rooms all day and just take easy checks.

If that is all they want, having given up on the kid - and they expect me to do the same? Fine. Whatever. Like the kid realize 10 years later he fucked himself over. I am just so damned mad because he doesn't even realize how badly he is sabotaging himself. It honestly makes me feel bad for the kid, as much as he drives me crazy.

[whateverthedragonswant]

So I went to watch that infamous Jenny and Beau scene from 3x13 for writing purposes. I haven't seen past 3x10 (having abandoned the show after that mid-season finale) and I'd heard about what happened, read both Elwood Reid's and Jensen Ackles' interviews on it, but never actually watched the scene.

Me after the scene:

That was their big romantic moment that got all AA's wetting their seats and lobbying hard for this pairing online?

Not only is Jenny incredibly thirsty in this scene but the way Jensen plays the scene, Beau still has absolutely zero interest in this woman romantically. He's not in love with her. He literally came by to thank her for supporting him, being there as not only his coworker but also his friend. Jensen knows very well how to play off being in love with someone, even as a guy who's just looking for a roll in the bedsheets (Dean Winchester, anyone?). NONE of that happened here.

Even this big emotional intimacy reveal didn't happen. He simply agreed to talk to her about his past, but only once he'd drunk himself to a point that he could. That's not choosing to let someone in, that's saying 'I need to get fucked up before I delve into that' which doesn't constitute full on consent or agreement. And this show is so horribly bad that apparently he refused to talk to his own daughter about it when she asked him point blank, but here he has to get drunk.

Then the hand on the leg. Yes, Beau initiated but Jensen performed it in a way that it was a friend assuring another friend. His hand is on her knee, saying he'd do the same for her any damn day. Then you see just how delighted Jenny is with the touching and she covers his hand with hers. Granted, he doesn't move away and he even looks down at their hands for a moment, which you'd think, okay yeah there's maybe something there though this is weird given how the scene is being performed from Jensen's end. And THEN Jenny turns to look at him and he IMMEDIATELY looks away. He has every opportunity to lean in, to kiss her, to make some sort of move, even just share a smile with her or keep looking into her eyes, but he doesn't.

This whole scene was Jenny initiating everything except Beau's arrival and insisting it wasn't about work. Jenny offered up the beer. Jenny slinked away from the door with a sultry "Welcome". Jenny sat on the couch first. Jenny moved right up against Beau. Jenny initiated the hand holding. Jenny is the one who looked over at him post-hand holding first.

Her doing all of that and him not returning it does not equal his being in love with her. It only shows that she has feelings for him, something we already knew. And the kicker: Beau is still keeping her at arm's length, shutting her out. That's evidenced by the way Jensen played off that looking away, that snap of the head. Plus, the whole having to be drunk thing I mentioned above.

NO WONDER Jensen said what he said in his interview, implicating sexual/physical tones to what he thought the audience expected to see, why he said he personally felt that Beau would've followed Carla and Emily back to Houston. Not only did he truly understand his character (though it seems the show botched it in these last few episodes from what I heard, on many levels) but just like with Dean's primary motivations, he understood what Beau's primary motivation was: Emily/family. No way in hell would Beau stay where Emily wasn't, for a woman that we saw him attracted to but not have any real emotional feelings for outside of friendship. I'm not saying the writers didn't have the intention to make this romantic and guaranteed they think they pulled it off here, but the entire scene shows the exact opposite, right down to Jensen's performance and the dialogue. No wonder he and Katheryn had to thoroughly discuss it and work at it to try to get it right.

I think I may have to watch these last three episodes at some point because holy hell, that was hysterical and I could use a good laugh. AA's really do make mountains out of bread crumbs.

On the other hand, it irritates me because this show had such potential starting back in season 1 and bringing Jensen, Reba, Rex, Henry, etc on board, there was potential to inject some life back into it with the addition of such great characters written that these awesome actors would have played. I blame a lot of it on Elwood, the writers, but I also blame the AA's. They pushed so hard for their self-insert character to hook up with Beau, that these desperate people making the show wanting to save it as well as their jobs ended up tanking this whole season, which brought the show down in flames. Pushing one of the mains aside and ruining the other man's character to make her all about a man. So it's no surprise to me that this was cancelled.

And all of that pushing only to end up with a friendly thank you and momentary hand hold, where Beau is still not completely giving Jenny what she's been aiming hard for this entire season. That is just beyond pathetic.

Well, AA's

RIP Jenny Hoyt. I loved your character before it became all about the pursuit of one man. RIP Poppernak, you were one of my favorites. RIP more heartwarming Beau and Emily father-daughter relationship potential along with him telling her what really happened in Houston (the only one that really deserved to know imho). RIP Big Sky, you had potential that could have easily been found again had AA's not infected the social media engagement of the show and your showrunner been desperate.

I will miss you. See you in fanfiction, I guess.

[littlebigmouse]

TMA MAG 58 - hey squad it's the cannibalism mention of the day!

[shrek voice] They didn't even eat anyone.

Honestly I was not looking forward to an episode about settlers on the Oregon trail, but instead this episode quickly became part of my top ten? Love the main character for this one. Unnamed author of the statement, I respect you, your attitude, your gun, and the talking corpse of your foolish husband.

I need more stories featuring marriages of convenience like this, where its just two people with similar goals going "eh, tax benefits" and hitting it off.

Regarding the supplement:

Yeah, I am 100% with Tim on this one. Honestly would love to get more on how Tim's been struggling since the Prentiss attack, since his experience was quite similar to Jon's there, and the fact that Jon now 'looks at him like a murderer' must not have been easy, on top of everything.

I need Jon to investigate harder so I can learn things about Tim as a character before he gets hurt.

Because that's what this is leading up to, isn't it. Jon is spiralling hard - he still has literally NO SUS on Tim, despite even stalking him to his home - and every interaction that should deter this behaviour just makes him double down. At least he's backed off Martin's back for now. I do think Martin may be Jon's last chance to get out of this, because I don't think Tim will just roll over and offer whatever secrets he may or may not even have that Jon is so desperately looking for. I'm starting to think Jon doesn't even care what he finds on people anymore, as long as he gets any information on them without asking? I guess? Honestly, given how fruitfull the confrontation with Martin has been for Jon, one would think he would learn from this encounter and just ask his coworkers about things.

At this point I am wondering if I've missed an episode, because there really is no indication to suspect any sort of criminal activity from Tim, who's been struggling with the aftermath of the Prentiss attack, and all his coworkers, who I assume he would have considered friends back then (I doubt he'd still consider Jon this now), suddenly acting batty (Sasha's weirdness, Jon's... yeah, Martin kinda siding with Jon over Jon fucking stalking Tim).

This is the first indication we've gotten from Tim that he's not doing okay, as he's been lightly teasing Jon over Basira the past few times he's shown up. So from Tim's perspective, he's been giving Jon enough opportunity to get his shit together, to get back to normal, to get back to the coworking friends who bonded over a traumatic event, but of course Jon didn't even realize the extended olive branches and kept pursuing his conspiracy theories with the subtlety of a thousand worms breaking into the archives at once.

Again, I genuinely do not believe Tim has anything to do with Gertrude's murder. But I do believe Tim's been cracking because of Jon, and something has got to give soon. I'm only at the halfway point of the season and I am already wondering how they'll keep escalating this conflict for 20 more episodes, considering Jon is already running out of leads and suspects and everyone else keeps getting closer to just slapping him in the face for his trouble (best case scenario, and honestly valid). I think things are going to get worse before they get better. I do think Tim's and Jon's friendship will end before they potentially get a chance to rebuild it. I also think, given that this is a horror podcast, either Jon is going to push too far and commit a horrible mistake that will severly hurt one of his coworkers (with Martin kinda on his side, Not-Sascha getting a different subplot and Elias remaining a giant questionmark but being too emotionally unimportant to Jon, so the most likely candidate is Tim right now), OR Jon is going to push Tim beyond a breaking point that causes him to commit such an equally horrible mistake, most likely self-destructive. However, Jon needs to be alive to witness the aftermath for angst purposes.

Please Jon, get therapy. Don't let the story hurt Tim! I genuinely enjoy his personality, for as little as we get to see of it.

[ere-the-sun-rises]

I've got a bone to pick with the dude in the screenshot. Here's some of the reasons his words reveal he's a chode:

He "runs a school", does he? That means he's a high-end administrator, either in the school itself or in the school board (if its a public school) and does not actually have direct interaction with students on a consistent basis (or at all).

When he says that, he's implying he oversees teachers or students or both. If he was a teacher or had been one, he would know that being a teacher is a fuckload of work and would not be dismissive of them. If he had interactions with students like teachers do, he would know students generally don't shirk their work. If he's referring to both, he's a douchebag who looks down on his colleagues and their pupils.

A school (of any kind) is arguably the LAST place you would find workshy layabouts. Teachers, even shitty ones, work incredibly hard to do their jobs for a comparatively small amount of pay, especially considering the amount of work they do which they don't get paid for (clubs, after-hours tutoring, at-home grading, etc).

Students are not lazy. They intake a deluge of information on multiple subjects for 6+ hours a day, do work and homework and have to time-manage it. A lot of them also have extracurriculars they balance against the workload and exhaustion. They are also children, forced into environments that are not usually overly pleasant, possibly with people they don't like, for prolonged periods of time where they can't move around and are required to concentrate all the time. An adult forced into an equivalent of that work would crack under the pressure.

"The human impulse to not do anything" Really, my good man? So where did you find all this spare time to observe the unwashed masses of you were so fucking busy all the time, hmm? Tell me why you were at the Devil's Sacrament, Austen.

Also, actually, yeah! Humans do need downtime! We're a predator species - we're meant to lay around when we're full and content and nap in the sun. Every other top or near-top predator does this: big cats, wolves, whales, sharks, they all have time off where they just mess around. Go ask a biology teacher, if you can summon the spare time to do so.

Human beings, when given sufficient rest and free time, will find things to do. Tribal culture is a perfect example, go ask the history teacher aboit it. Native American tribes would do all kinds of maintenance work in their downtime - fixing things, weaving baskets, creating/mending clothing, teaching others these chores, passing down oral histories, blending paints, making beads, you name it. Nothing but necessity and desire compelled these activities ans if modern humans were given a chance, they would do the same.

An attitude like this one only comes from privilege. Anyone who's been raised poor or working class knows how fucking much of your life is taken up by work, chores and maintenance labour. Someone has to make money, do laundry, make food, clean the house. None of this goes anywhere if you don't do it. You don't have the money to pay for it to be done ot support a spouse who will do it instead (and they're working too, just not for pay). You get to sit up there, away from the daily toil, and pontificate on how the masses laze about when given enough leave to do so. How dare they?! How dare they not turn themselves into the meat grinder for a few more pennies?! What use is a family and friendships and hobbies if they haven't got excess money laying about?

That's what it's all about, right, Austen? Pleasure and leisure are for the rich and the rich alone. The poor should indenture themselves and praise the opportunity to work until they drop dead for the scraps they are given. They do not deserve to know human interaction outside of their coworkers and bosses, so see their job less than they see their home. What use do children find in play when they could be shackled to their desk for the entire daylight cycle? Are you peasants not thankful?

Oh? Is that not what you believe? Then why is that what you're saying?

My least favorite things about anti- UBI discourse is always the techbros whining that "nobody is going to work anymore! People will just watch Netflix all day!" and I have 2 responses:

1) Who the fuck cares. Who the fuck cares what people do with their time! That's kind of the fucking point!

2) People aren't going to stop laboring. Housework (look, it's right there in the word!) will still need to be done. So will maintenance on our homes and personal spaces. Children will still need carers, as will the elderly and disabled. There are millions of examples of ~work~ that we do all the time, uncompensated, that won't suddenly stop because we aren't forced to sell our labor to provide corporation's profits.

I'm not surprised that what is traditionally women's work is invisible to these dipshits, but it never fails to anger me.

Anyway. Join the IWW.

[moxiemaemaple]

Dear diary~ 002

I hate change. This force to a new place has left me with little energy. I compare a lot, something I can't help. I'll miss so much but my past is over. A new life, fresh start. I feel stripped though. Empty.

I got a BF bifta given to me as my first vehicle. Dressed it up barbie style. I guess it gets me around and is a bit safer than a scooter which was what I was trying to buy originally. I've already trashed it up a few times trying to take it offroading. Turns out its a dune bungee, just meant for driving on the sand and nothing too crazy.

I made a friend, Tom Tom. He wears a mask always. Its a freaky clown mask but you know, it matters who is deep under it all and he turns up and makes me smile. I've been trying to connect with some of the girls at the UwU cafe. Everything is just overwhelming. Socializing is something I fake being good at but really it drains the fuck out of my energy. I just often feel like falling asleep trying to communicate, even just thinking about it…

I've been pouring into trying to take photos, get back to feeling good about myself. Its insanely hard. This persona of mine is taxing to upkeep. I love Barbie, don't get me wrong, though the bubbly personality with a big bright smile is hard to maintain in all these new social situations. I kinda often don't know what to say, just end up giggling and feeling so awkward. People take it as me just being adorable so suppose the truth of how I feel isn't showing as much as I think. Over analyzing as always.

The fashion here isn't the same. Its ok…not what I'm use to. I miss some of my old possessions. I try not to think about what is gone. Its just gone. Too much lingering on the topic breaks me. So I spend a lot of money on clothes to try to feel a bit more complete. Typical hole to sink into. I don't have any desire to make a savings anymore. With how many cities I've skipped its pointless…fucking just hurts more if you got something to lose.

Its like people get off humbling you when you got something.

Dumping too much angst in here. Have to put it somewhere. This weekend was just rough for me. First week out of jail in a new place. Called homeless. Some bitch wanted to shoot me cause of how my hair looked. Lots of clowns which is slightly triggering considering my last toxic relationship. Weird vibes, no one does dope here. No one fucking parties. Everyone is one that grind. Just feel so disconnect coming back into society. Just trying to make due while dealing with a lot of hurt still.

I'm an alien. How I feel. Beam me up already so I can feel some what sane finally.

Another positive…I have career opportunities I never had before where I had been settled. May have lost a lot but I could open The Hippie Pillow Fort. My own place… No bosses. No getting scolded. No having to try and fit into a box to make my coworkers happy. I should feel some weight lifted off me just typing that…I'll get there.

The music is good here. Someone released a catchy tune about goth chicks and its a bop. I need a, 'Big titty goth bitch, who watches true crime'~ by Thumper, should check it out! Music is one of those things that keeps me going. Life would insanely dark without melodies of all types.

[chrysanthemumpink]

You don't deserve this tag. But I found someone else & for some reason that makes me think of you. And all of the things that you represent. Things you don't deserve to represent.

We'll probably be intimate soon. And for some reason, that feels official. It feels like more than my body, if that makes sense?

I didn't love you. I loved the life I saw with you. I wanted to be an artist & a critic & an academic & so many things that seem so childish in retrospect. I thought we could be quirky professors and writers living off the produce of a quirky cottage. Before I met you, a life like that seemed so real.

Now it feels like the fantasy it always was. He's a financial advisor, he wants to be VP of something, doesn't matter what. He's counter culture in the way that dating a black person turns him on. Like you were. But not enough to do anything about it. Unlike you. That's all he'll ever do to counter any culture.

But, like you, he represents so much more. He's not special. But my choices around him reveal so much about me. Being with him means I've officially given up on my dreams. Yea, the pay is nice. Paying bills and having more than enough for any service I want is also very nice.

I give men foo much credit when really it's about me. My first job in tech & finance offered 102k. I choose that over grad school. And the kind of people I meet here?

I met him here. He's the brother of one of my coworkers. They're both directors whose fathers & uncles were presidents, VPs, etc of other financial firms. They both want to be VPs but not in the way that you & I used to study to be professors. They want it in the way that they do stupid things like shell for dinners & cruises with the right people

In a way that makes him special. If he wanted a 6 figure salary, he would just be given one. But if he wants 6 figures and have the power of a corporate ladder behind him, he has to put in effort. And he does. Effort is something you never put in anything.

Men like him, surprisingly, aren't that hard to find if you aren't picky. He's 40. And like? What am I doing with my life?

Having sex with a 40 year old seems so adult. Is that what I'll be doing? Trading my life as an advocate and academic for a capitalistic one. Either way, it's still a straight white man, isn't it.

Sorry. The truth is that I have to get it out while I can. If I'm gonna stay corporate, then opportunities to talk like that won't come as often. Do you see how much I've been forced to move on?

I've met his family. As you know, I can sense things about people. Or at the very least, make wild fantasies that turn out to be uncomfortably close to the truth. His parents are desperate for him to find anyone. He's 40 for crying aloud. But this is where growing up Pentecostal comes in handy. This happens with a lot of white people. It happened with your family too. If it's going to be someone black, might as well be one whose knows enough about the bible to not cause too much trouble

What am I talking about? I'm going to fuck him. And yea, I have a lot of feelings about doing that. I honestly wish I'd done it sooner. Doing after meeting the family makes it seem like it's getting serious. I can't afford to let myself believe that

But back to me...I hate how much I tie men to life stages. This new relationship feels like a lot. It will mean I've accepted the world I've always considered an antagonist to mind. It means I work in tech and finance. It'll mean I'm a business woman who goes on business trips.

But...is it all bad? I mean? It is a lot of money. I went from an 18k grad stipend to 102k. Between you & me? I still have to whisper it. Like I've committed a sin. And I hear stories from other women. Women in tech are very friendly. My MANAGER of all people confided in me. She said that she regularly cries from the way that SAHM treat her.

That 90% of mothers groups are SAHMs who make her feel inferior because of her choices. They suggest that her career means she doesn't lover her child. Her son means the world to her.

And yet, my manager spent the morning of her son's birthday talking about training initiatives 300 miles away on a business trip. I know because I was with her.

She says, all the women say, that women like us make hard decisions. We do what we have to do. When they say "we," it makes me feel like I belong. And the scary part is, I do belong

I am a girl boss, girl bossing, who has the potential to be the ultimate girl boss. Lol, not really. But I'm smart, 28, and have found myself with no husband or children. I think they're protective of me. Like they know I'm in an unfamiliar world.

Now that I'm with him, it's permanent. Or will be. I'll be taking my securities exam soon. I want to be central to this district learning technologies. That's the life I'll have once I've officially left this one behind. I've already left it behind

Grad school broke my heart. You broke my heart. Now I don't even recognize myself. And I actually like it

[the-haunted-office]

🦂 ---- How deadly is your muse? Do they have the capabilities to kill someone? Would they if given the opportunity?

🐝 ---- Has your muse ever helped someone in a tough situation? Do they enjoy helping others?

🐌 ---- Does your muse take their time on things that are important? Are they the patient type of person?

For Stanley

🦂 ---- How deadly is your muse? Do they have the capabilities to kill someone? Would they if given the opportunity?

Stanley is pretty well a pushover. He wouldn't hurt a fly. Well, maybe a fly, but certainly not a person. Unless under extreme circumstances. It's unclear which of Stanley's buttons you will have to press, for how long, and in what order to get him to kill someone. We suggest not fucking around and finding out. 😉

🐝 ---- Has your muse ever helped someone in a tough situation? Do they enjoy helping others?

Stanley was once known around the office as the guy who would loan you money for anything. For the vending machine, for lunch, for car repairs, to help you pay your rent. He liked giving money to his coworkers in need, an attribute which some of them unfortunately would take advantage of.

🐌 ---- Does your muse take their time on things that are important? Are they the patient type of person?

Stanley is fairly patient and will take his time on things, especially important things. He doesn't feel like he's in any particular hurry most of the time and would rather get things done right the first time.

[puff-mmd]

OLD

12/26/22

some things i thought of throughout the day

the demon who does orobas' tattoos and piercings is a really cool girl with lots of tattoos and piercings herself.

she has long black hair, and two horns on her forehead and that curl around the top of her head to the back.

i imagine her with pretty red lips, dark eye makeup, and just the coolest looking punk outfits (ripped clothes, chunky boots, fishnets, etc)

.......the two of them also do sleep together from time to time 👀

but its definitely more of a friends with benefits thing.

he doesn't even get discounts on work being done lmao

"you're the prince of hell, you're the last person i'd give a discount to."

(psst, she actually up-charges him sometimes - gotta make that bank)

i think she's also friends with charon, and she kind of starts backing off on the sleeping around with orobas when charon confides in her that he has feelings for orobas.

idk, it's weird.

charon knows orobas is Like That™, but he doesn't seem really bothered by it, mostly because he knows he's the only one with any kind of actual sway on him.

for example, orobas sleeping with mostly anyone, he's very sultry, playful, he just doesn't take things seriously at all.

buuuut, when he's with charon, he's different.

he's more attentive to how he's treating him, he doesn't mind taking things slower and really making charon feel almost worshipped.

(he's into that kind of thing - it's the reason he still works as a stripper even though he doesn't care for sex/sexual activities from pretty much anyone else)

like, for example, when he works the floor (as in going around to customers and spending time with them), if a patron gets too handsy or intimate, like pants seem like they're coming off, he's very strict about shutting that down.

i had a scene of him standing over a customer with his heel on their throat, while another worker had to talk him out of impaling the person.

(this is all over the place, i had Thoughts today)

his coworkers are also a pretty wide range themselves. men, women, nb demons all work there. some of them love charon, some of them are indifferent. in fact, when he first started, one worker thought he was getting special treatment (not having to work the floor nearly as much as others), and switched their schedules out of spite. turns out, that was when one customer who'd been very intent on charon took that as an opportunity to (almost) drug him to get him to come with them. another worker noticed before it happened, and was able to help, but it shook charon a bit that something like that could happen.

the demon who had switched their schedules ended up feeling guilty about it, fessed up and apologized. she didn't ask for forgiveness or anything, and charon never really did forgive her.

that's something about charon - if you fuck with him or someone close to him, it would take a lot more than an even an honest apology to earn his trust back.

the girl that did help him though, they ended up becoming close. she's one of the workers he trusts most after having worked there as long as he has now.

damn where even was i.

OH RIGHT

so i had a scene where orobas wanted to get two more ear piercings done, so of course he went to his usual person (the demon lady mentioned earlier)

and well

it was lunch break for her so 👀

but anyways, it was a quick thing, and she took the opportunity to kind of prod orobas about charon.

"so... amethysts, hm? i wouldn't have thought of you in purple."

"i felt like trying something different."

"it's not a coincidence they look like a certain someone's eyes?"

orobas stiffens just a bit. she notices and chuckles, knowing she hit the nail on the head.

"how are things with you two anyways?"

silence.

"is that good or bad?"

orobas sighs, and averts his gaze to the posters on a far wall. he wasn't sure if being honest with her was a great idea, given what they'd just done. they both knew there were no feelings between them (other than his admiration for her craft, and her's for his deep pockets), and he still considered her at least a friend, so maybe?

.

.

.

"he told me he loves me."

she sits up, her full attention now on orobas.

"WHAT? you're kidding, for real?? why the hell are you with me right now!?"

"it was a week ago!"

"STILL!? i can't believe he managed to tell you.... is it okay the we..?"

"he knows. besides, it's not like he's an angel himself."

"....what did you say to him?"

she received another sigh and averted eyes.

"orobas."

"....i said i wanted to hear that more from him."

"..... and what about you? how do you feel about him?"

this time, her response was a pillow to the face.

"why am i talking about my love life with a fuck buddy again?"

she throws the pillow back at orobas, visibly irritated.

"emphasis on buddy. and if anything, i care more about charon than i do you. if you followed that up with something that upset him, i'm charging you triple for your next piercing and i'll take twice as long on the next tattoo."

"thanks for the heads up, i'll be seeing someone else then."

"just tell me already!"

"i feel.... the same about him..."

"then stop sleeping with me. i understand if it's for a contract, you can't get out of that, but i won't let you in my bed anymore."

"aw come on, for real?"

"why on earth would i, after i just learned you and charon practically confessed to each other? as good as your dick is, it's not worth potentially hurting charon."

"fair."

"now, my lunch hour is almost over and i haven't even eaten anything yet. your punishment for wasting my time is getting me food."

orobas lazily rolls out of the bed, pulling his pants and hoodie back on, the fellow demon doing the same. he takes one last look around, before asking what she even wants. after receiving her order, he heads out the bedroom door and down the stairs through the parlor, followed by the lady demon.

"maybe stop by the club and ask charon if he'd like to join us before his shift starts?"

"absolutely not."

"didn't hurt to ask."

and with a ring of the bell, she slumped over the counter, face in her hands, a feeling of satisfaction welling up within her that finally,

her two idiot friends finally realized how they actually feel.