#who will never have to face hardships while all they do is keep on suffering

[dootznbootz]

LOVED the Vengeance saga, hated Calypso's song I'm sorry

**is being creepy and obsessive over a man who's clearly in distress and doesn't like her, as well as she ACTIVELY keeps him on her island for SEVEN YEARS against his will** "W-Well my love is just too much for you"

I get she didn't rape him in EPIC, but she was still terrible towards him and washing down to "her love was just too much for him" is a bit iffy to me :((

Honestly? I think "I'm Not Sorry For Loving You" is actually fantastic in showing HOW Manipulative and selfish she is.

She's doing a "Woe is me" with her loneliness, she is still somewhat putting the "blame" on Odysseus with her "My love being too much for you, sorry that you can't handle it", when it's straight up not taking no for an answer, she even constantly speaks over Odysseus. Yeah, she's "not sorry".

Even with her beautiful voice, (wonderful job Barbara Wangui!) and sweet melody, it's like she IS supposed to be this "perfect paradise, song, goddess, etc."

What really bothers me is Epic Odysseus' "I love you...Just not in the way you want me to".

I think there either needs to be more apprehension in his voice when he says that. Maybe even in Calypso's tangent, he realizes "oh shit, she's making the island do shit. oh think quick to calm her down." and then having to say "Not in the way you want me to." to still make it clear that he's leaving.

I hope we get an explanation from Jay for his wording here? Because while Odysseus did appreciate Calypso helping him heal and recover from being at sea without food and water for a while AND most likely injuries in general, like...He Never loved her.

In some ways, I almost wish we got a bit more of the Odyssey for his answer. As Calypso, basically mocks Penelope and "why do you wanna go back to her? She will age and I won't. this place is perfect. I am perfect."

And then Odysseus being like "...You're an immortal goddess, ofc, she can't compare to you. She will age and go old. But I will stop at nothing to get back home. I've already been through so much shit, if it means going home, I can go through more."

[...] But if you only knew, down deep, what pains you’d stay right here, preside in our house with me and be immortal. Much as you long to see your wife, the one you pine for all your days … and yet I just might claim to be nothing less than she, neither in face nor figure. Hardly right, is it, for mortal woman to rival immortal goddess? How, in build? in beauty?” “Ah great goddess,” worldly Odysseus answered, “don’t be angry with me, please. All that you say is true, how well I know. Look at my wise Penelope. She falls far short of you, your beauty, stature. She is mortal after all and you, you never age or die … Nevertheless I long—I pine, all my days— to travel home and see the dawn of my return. And if a god will wreck me yet again on the wine-dark sea, I can bear that too, with a spirit tempered to endure. Much have I suffered, labored long and hard by now in the waves and wars. Add this to the total— bring the trial on!”

(Book 5, Fagles)

Puttng in Fitzgerald's too because I wike it :3

"[...] If you could see it all, before you go -All the adversity you face at sea- you would stay here, and guard this house, and be immortal- though you've wanted her forever, that bride for whom you pine each day. Can I be less desirable than she is? Less interesting? Less beautiful? Can mortals compare with goddesses in grace and form?" To this the strategist Odysseus answered: "My lady goddess, here is no cause for anger. My quiet Penelope-- how well I know--would seem a shade before your majesty, death and old age being unknown to you, while she must die. Yet, it is true, each day I long for home, long for the sight of my home. If any god has marked me out again for shipwreck, my tough heart can undergo it. What hardship have I not long since endured at sea, in battle! Let the trial come."

Even his usage of just simply defending Penelope by saying "My Wise Penelope" and how he's still saying "Yep! You are a goddess! Penelope is mortal... I'm still going home!"

This is something I find interesting with Epic Odysseus on Ogygia: After he speaks of Penelope the first few times in "Love in Paradise". He doesn't really talk about her on Ogygia again. Even at the ending of "Love in Paradise", when he's about to "close his eyes", he doesn't speak of Penelope or anything. Which is like, his one driving force for living at this point, in the Odyssey and the Musical. He's just wracked by grief, when it's mostly the fact that he's fucking TRAPPED and can't leave to go HOME.

It makes me wonder if for Epic Odysseus, he is trying to not mention Penelope as much to keep Calypso's anger at bay. Especially when you think of how in the source material, Calypso mocks Penelope and he has to carefully word things to not anger her as a goddess yet still make it clear that he will leave. He wants to leave and he doesn't care if there's more shit he has to deal with. He has to try.

Or maybe it's a spell of some sort. idk. Especially as we have Odysseus once more singing about Penelope and how much he longs for her once he's off Ogygia. Just a thought :P

I almost get this weird vibe that Epic is making Circe more of a "villain" than Calypso (which yes. Circe did coerce Odysseus in the Odyssey and was trying to in Epic. I literally wrote a whole essay about it.) But like, in comparison, Circe in Epic is not nearly as bad as Calypso in Epic. Same in the Odyssey. Like Circe DOES eventually become an "ally" after Odysseus begs her to let him leave, Calypso had to be FORCED to let him go. IN BOTH EPIC AND THE ODYSSEY.

idk. funky feelings :/

[panlight]

I.e. Bella not suffering any consequences: what I find even more annoying is that Meyer makes such a big stink about the books being about choice but only BELLA gets any big choices. Every other member of the Cullens was forcefully turned, either entirely against their will (Carlisle, Jasper) or to save their life (Alice, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Rose). Every shifter is forcefully turned due to the vampires; not even Jacob chose it in the end and actively fought against it. Imprinting is forced. Don't get me started on Leah. And even if Nessie wants Jacob in her life, the book heavily implies that she wouldn't have a choice either way. Also, she has to stay with her family because she'll never look old enough, isn't as invulnerable, etc. Literally only Bella has any choice over life-changing decisions (even Edward claims that he never had a choice in loving Bella). Bella chooses Edward (actively endangering herself and others), chooses to be a vampire (supposedly an evil, immoral life endangering others), chooses to give birth to Nessie (possibly an inhuman killing machine while endangering herself and others), and so on. And instead of ANY consequences AT ALL for what appear to be TERRIBLE choices (based on every single book except the back half of BD), she's ALSO the only one who gets pretty much everything she ever wanted while everyone else has to live with whatever crumbs of happiness they can eke out. It's infuriating if you care about anyone AT ALL other than Bella.

Totally agree! It's always been amusing to me that SM says the books are about choice. The apple being offered on the cover presents a choice: do you take it or not? Do you eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil? Do you take the apple from the old woman who might be a witch or evil queen in disguise? And the original name of the book was "Forks;" obviously for the setting but also for the idea of forks in the road: which path you will choose?

But Bella's the only one with any real choices here. She actually has a lot more agency than a lot of people give her credit for. SHE chose to move to Forks. SHE chose to pursue a relationship with Edward. SHE chose the reckless actions in New Moon. SHE chose to ask Edward to sit out the fight. SHE chose to become a vampire. SHE chose to keep the pregnancy. She certainly suffers hardships, but they almost all come from choices SHE made for herself.

And the negative effects of those choices are temporary or unimportant to her specifically. Her scars from James are healed in the transformation; Emily's face is still scarred. The toll her pregnancy took on her body is erased in the transformation, but Esme is still 'rounded and soft' from her pregnancy, and Alice is 'thin in the extreme' from her malnourishment. Bella doesn't even burn for the full three days, only two! There's even a line where Edward literally says something like, "Renesmee's eyes are exactly your color, so that wasn't lost after all." She gets to keep Jacob literally forever (he has no choice) and she gets to keep Charlie when no one else got to keep their human families in their lives. Irina dies, but Bella doesn't know her so it doesn't matter.

I fully understand the main character is the main character for a reason; because they're special, because their journey is unique, etc. But this is also the reason I tend to find main characters annoying. This is not a Bella problem or an SM problem but a me problem. I feel similarly about Harry Potter and Katniss Everdeen as I do about Bella Swan. I like ensembles; I like when there are lots of narrators, or when there's no obvious 'main' character. And if there is a main character, dollars to donuts they aren't my favorite; I will 100% always sympathize more with the secondary characters and find them more interesting.

Bella gets to choose what she wants for her life and it all works out for her. Good for her! Genuinely! But it's a glaring contrast to the stories of virtually all the supporting characters and, to me at least, less interesting. Forever disappointed Bella being a newborn was such a non-event. I was looking forward to it for three and a half books and she just basically carries on her life like nothing has changed. Meh. The supporting characters not having many choices and making the best of things is personally more interesting to me.

[thievinghippo]

49, emmrich/sonnet

The prompt is a kiss for necessity!

#

“When you were a novice, Rook, I’m assuming Professor Langpichler led your lower Necropolis tour?”

Rook nods and slips her arm through Emmrich’s. They’re in one of the many twisting hallways of the Vault of the Beloved. This has become one of her favorite pastimes: simply exploring the lower Necropolis with Emmrich. With his lichdom, there’s not a spirit who would dare keep them from hidden rooms and secret passages.

“She did. How’d you know?”

“Professor Langpichler and I are the only ones who lead that tour. Perhaps I flatter myself, but I like to think you would remember if I had led your tour.”

Rook squeezes his arm. Well, squeezes the gossamer and damask that protect his humerus. “And then my crush on Profess Volkarin would have started that much more quickly.”

“Well, I’m actually quite grateful you only attended the one lecture and weren’t one of my former students,” Emmrich says, sounding quite serious. “There are boundaries I refuse to cross when it comes to my students. Even ones that have been out of the classroom for years.”

“To be fair, I was on the waiting list— Wait. I see something shiny in that room.”

She loves finding treasure, even if it’s something other people consider worthless. If she’s patient enough, one merchant or another will pay coin for everything she picks up. At least that’s what she keeps telling herself.

The room is small, with only one closed sarcophagus against the wall. Chairs lined up against the other. On top of one chair, a solitary king’s gulder.

“Your nickname is aptly given,” Emmrich says as he enters the room behind her.

“You take that back, Emmrich Volkarin. I am not a cheat,” Rook says in her most long-suffering voice. Emmrich tilts his head. “Oh fine. A bit of a cheat. But only at cards. And only to keep people on their toes. Really, I’m providing an educational experience. They should thank me.”

And that’s when the door slams shut.

One of the first rules of the Necropolis is never lose your exit. Plenty of Mortalitasi and Mourn Watch alike have perished in the past thanks to the twisting, unmarked nature of some of these halls. Or dying from thirst in locked corridors.

Granted, Emmrich can’t die from starvation or thirst, but Rook very much can. And that is not the heroic death she expects, not when she still has to kill a pair of elven gods.

Emmrich immediately goes to open the door. It doesn’t budge. He takes his stave and attempts to unlock it. Nothing.

“I’m trying very hard not to be nervous,” Rook says as she walks up next to Emmrich. Even though he has no body heat, she still wants the comfort of him.

A chill passes through her and she suddenly senses a spirit on the other side of the door. “Is that spirit… giggling?” Rook asks, grabbing Emmrich’s free hand. “I can’t sense what type. Doesn’t feel malicious.”

“A spirit of devotion, darling.”

“Devotion? Really?” Rook can’t keep the smile off her face. Spirit of devotions are quite rare, and only reveal themselves when they want to be part of a couple’s happiness. “But why’d it lock us in here?”

Emmrich strokes the inside of her wrist with his thumb. “I shall ask.” He straightens to his full height. “Spirit of devotion, we thank you for your attention. We humbly ask for your help to leave this room.”

There are times Rook can admit to the slightest bit of jealously when it comes to Emmrich’s knack with spirits. She simply doesn’t have the same report with them. So while Emmrich is clearly having a conversation, all Rook can do is wait.

“Ah, I see. Well, spirit of devotion, that will be no hardship. We will gladly pay your price.”

“It wants my gulder, doesn’t it?”

 Emmrich shakes his head. “Your gulder is safe. It has a simple request. One kiss, and the door will be unlocked.”

Rook can only thrill as Emmrich pulls her into his arms. “As if we need an excuse to kiss,” she says with a laugh, raising her chin.

He lowers his head, and her lips press against his mouth. Rook shivers slightly as Emmrich shares his essence through the kiss. Just enough to leave her wanting more.

The door opens.

Rook makes a decision. “We don’t have anywhere to be this afternoon, right?”

“I have some letters to write, but I can do that while you’re sleeping.”

“Close the door, spirit! We’ll let you know when we’re done.”

Several hours pass before the door opens once again.

--------------

(if you've read this far, I would love more prompts! Here's the list)

[truthdogg]

How long can an extreme ultra-capitalist nation survive without becoming an authoritarian dystopia?

I’ve been pondering that today, but it’s occurred to me that it’s worth noting this extremist capitalist society called the United States did start out as an authoritarian dystopia.

I had originally typed “for a massive number of people living within it” to the end of the sentence above, but I’ve erased it because that’s what all dystopias are. They are never horrific dictatorships to everyone. There is always an in-group that lives in relative comfort with relative freedom that simply does not consider the suffering of others to be relevant to their lives.

The US was built by a wealthy merchant class to be that dystopia where those merchants and landowners were the in-group, replacing the king and his appointees. The country shifted toward freedom for all, toward democracy over time, not away from it. The right to vote was first held only by male landowners of the upper class, it was not designed to be egalitarian for all. The notion that it was ever meant to be for all people is a lie we tell ourselves so we can feel special about our country’s founding, but it’s still a lie, and it’s a dangerous one.

Accepting this history, and considering it, changes the question. It becomes:

How long can an extreme ultra-capitalist nation survive without returning to an authoritarian dystopia?

That’s a more tangible premise to consider. It shifts the argument from an inevitable economic condition in the hands of capital, to a political one in the hands of people. Extreme capitalist oligarchy has always been in direct opposition to full democracy, because under democracy, capital’s power can be overruled by the will of the people. When the needs of the people cannot override the interests of wealth, then democracy is no longer functioning; an oligarchy has control. Maintaining that control in the face of increasing hardship for people inevitably requires more power. This premise leads us to look at how oligarchy may strengthen its grip.

We can look right now and see precisely which elected politicians are arguing that the US is not (and should not be) a democracy, but a republic. We can see exactly who is arguing for a return to constitutional principles, while suggesting we suspend the Constitution. We can see exactly who preaches “Law & Order” while ignoring the law. We can see exactly who claims that some votes should count more than others, and that their candidate is “the real winner.” We can also listen and learn exactly who is paying them to do that. We can then gauge their support and the support for their ideas to see how much time we have left before we empower people to undo the past century of incomplete social progress.

An oddity of today is that the US is hurtling in two directions at once. One is toward a more empowered people, with unions rising, differences celebrated and enjoyed, and a support for struggling individuals. The other is accelerating wealth inequality, indifference to suffering, and desperation driving down wages while increasing profits. Both are happening, both are accelerating. That’s not sustainable.

The highly dedicated people pushing hard in both of those directions often see the other side as a destabilizing anti-American force, determined to upend whatever greatness we have. And they’re both right about that, it’s just that one sees America as a fully-formed sacred ideal that’s been lost, and the other sees it as a process for building a more perfect Union. This is the divide that the nation was born with, and the same divide that led to the Civil War.

I’m not shy about which side I’m on. We have to keep pushing for stronger democracy and a happier people.

The other side, the one that sees America as built by prophets, that wants to ban history so their prophets won’t be questioned, that unrealistically imagines themselves to be the in-group the founders intended, will return us to their authoritarian dystopia. That is where all of their arguments originate, and where all of their arguments lead.

That’s why MAGA uses the word “again.” They mean to return us to a time they thought was great, where the in-group was clear and life was miserable for everyone else, because they genuinely believe they’ll be the new in-group. They won’t, they all can’t, but they will take us there quickly as soon as they can.

[sorcerersandskillusers]

A look at the struggles Atsushi faces throughout the series, and how he grows to resent the justice he was forced to learn. As well as his connections and contrasts with Akutagawa.

Atsushi is very different from a typical protagonist, who try's to save everybody they can, and never wants to kill anyone. Because he didn't develop this mindset from an inspiring, kind mentor; or from some innate sense of justice, or even from just his own hardships.

It was literally beaten into him through his whole childhood.

graphic depiction of abuse ahead:

Atsushi is compelled to help people. I defiantly think part of it is that he is just a kind person in general, but It is also a compulsion that he cannot refuse.

He is forced to disregard his own feelings and safety, he suffers so much pain, but he can never refuse, which is why he views it as a curse.

In BSD killing is not treated with the same 'good people can never, ever be willing to kill someone' that a lot of shows treat it as.

The entire ADA minus Kunikida was willing to try and kill Mori to save Fukuzawa. Fukuzawa has killed in the past, and told Kunikida to shoot Dazai if he sensed any evil in his heart(Dazai Osamu's Entrance Exam). Kunikida has been shown to be willing to kill if absolutely necessary

I point this out to show that Atsushi's refusal to kill is not just 'because he's a good guy and would never do that'. We see in BEAST that, if twisted a bit, he can be made to kill without hesitation. His refusal to kill comes from a much darker place, and makes him a perfect foil to...

Akutagawa.

Akutagawa and Atsushi have incredibly similar histories, It's literally spelled out in BEAST that the two of them have more in common then they have with anyone else. Both children raised in hell. But there was one key difference, The value they saw in the lives of others.

I've already talked about how Atsushi was raised to think that his own life had no worth, and only the lives of others mattered. But for Akutagawa it was the opposite. He grew up in the slums, where every stranger was a potential threat to him, his friends and sister. He had to learn to kill without hesitation, and to see no value in anyone else's life.

Dazai only made this worse, telling Akutagawa that if he couldn't defeat anyone in his path, that he had no right to live. And brutally punishing any sign of weakness.

Both Akutagawa and Atsushi search desperately for validation, and the right to keep living. They walk on opposite sides of a mirror, each only seeing half the picture, neither willing to see themself in the other.

Which is why they can both show the other exactly what they need to see.

The two of them hate each other so much because they are the same ,they each embody what the other most hates about himself and this is why they can each teach to other to overcome that hatred and to see the whole picture they were both denied as children.

Their growth over this past few arcs; with The death of the orphanage director, Akutagawa that killing everything won't solve all his problems, Atsushi having to stand up and pull himself together to save the ADA.

Akutagawas greatest flaws were his short-sightedness, and inability to see beyond himself and learn from his mistakes.

While Atsushi's greatest flaws were his crippling anxiety and indecision, as well as inability to let go of his past.

Opposite ends of the same spectrum, so now they must guide each other to the middle and find a balance.

Finally, the 'promise not to kill anyone for six months' with this, Atsushi is showing Akutagawa the value that can be seen in the lives of others. We see this in the security guard Akutagawa spared being the one to distract Fukuchi and let Atsushi escape. Akutagawa seems to have truly grown a lot since he and Atsushi last saw each other. But what about Atsushi?

Spoilers for chapter 107:

I think that Atsushi will kill Akutagawa. We know that Akutagawa died before he was converted into a vampire, and with his lung condition being established just before then, even if they find a way to revert him, he would still be nearly at the end of his life.

I think that Akutagawa will probably temporarily regain control of his body, but be unable to revert fully, so he will ask Atsushi for that duel he promised him. It would even parallel Atsushi "killing" Shibusawa in TDA, since both were technically already dead to begin with.

Atsushi taught Akutagawa how to value lives, and the patience to consider his actions and Akutagawa will teach Atsushi the conviction to take them and how overcome the guilt he feels within himself. each one going from black and white, to grey.

[desbvndar]

⸻  azizi  badr  ,  a  twenty - eight  year  old  ,  has  survived  another  day  in  red  creek  where  they  have  lived  for  fourteen  years  .  the  outlaw  is  known  for  being  persuasive  and  zany  and  is  often  associated  with  vodka  in  a  water  bottle  ,  a  menacing  smile  you  shouldn’t  trust  ,  the  calm  before  a  storm  .  in  a  small  town  where  they  work  as  owner  of  ghosts  in  the  attic  word  travels  fast  . it’s  hard  to  keep  a  secret  ,  and  it  looks  like  the  boogeyman  knows  that  [ REDACTED ] .

BASICS.

name : azizi badr age : twenty - eight birthdate : january 15 gender  &  pronouns  :  cis  man  ,  he  /  him orientation  :  bisexual  &  biromantic hometown  :  chicago  ,  illinois current location : red creek , michigan education : high school graduate from red creek k - 12 occupation : thief owner of ghosts in the attic

PERSONALITY.

zodiac : capricorn moral alignment : neutral evil mbti : intp traits : persuasive , unrestrained , zany

APPEARANCE.

tattoos : a pair of eyes ( back of neck ) , a maze layout ( chest ) , a burning candle ( left wrist ) , date of his brother's death ( right forearm ) piercings : both earlobes height : 190 cm faceclaim : tamino

trigger warnings : child neglect , death

before.

to  suffer  means  to  live .  if  you  do  not  suffer ,  have  you  lived  at  all ?

life  was  not  kind  to  him .  unwanted  and  unloved ,  it  was  a  cruel  twist  of  fate  that  azizi  was  born  into  a  family  that  could  barely  afford  to  live .  he  was  an  accidental  child  who  was  the  odd  one  out  everywhere  he  went ,  envious  of  seemingly  ordinary  things ,  like  full  meals  and  clean  clothes .

when  his  older  brother  gave  him  a  taste  of  freedom  ,  it  was  taken  away  from  him  far  too  quickly  .  they  would  “  house  sit  ”  in  different  neighborhoods  ,  playing  an  elaborate  game  of  hide  -  and  -  seek  while living a lavish lifestyle .  they  climbed  fences  ,  ate  without  remorse  ,  and  ran  across  the  street  in  a  flash  at  random  hours  of  the  day  to  avoid  being  seen  .

azi  was  never  meant  to  carry  a  heavy  burden  on  his  back  ,  but  it  was  inevitable  when  his  brother  died  .  he  hated  the  turn  of  events  ,  what  it  did  to  him  &  what  it  made  people  think  when  they  looked  at  him  .  he  loathed  it  ,  and  he  wanted  to  leave  it  all  behind  —  start  a  new  life  where  he  could  be  content  .  not  happy  ,  because  that  will  always  be  too  good  to  be  true .  he  had  one  condition  :  he  did  not  want  to  forget  his  past  —  no  ,  he  is  who  he  is  because  of  what  he  has  lived  through  .

there  had  to  be  more  .  there  had  to  be  a  reason  for  his  pain  .  but  he  would  never  find  it  living  his  life  in  grief  and  shame  .  emancipation  was  his  first  act  of  victory  ,  and  moving  to  a  small  town  in  michigan  was  his  second  .  he  packed  a  suitcase  and  left  chicago  without  looking  back  .  he  swore  he  would  make  this  count  —  he’d  do  anything  to take  what  he  deserves  .

to  suffer  means  to  live .  if  you  do  suffer ,  you  can  be  greedy .

after.

he  needs  it  to  be  logical  .  he  was  young  when  he  promised  himself  that  he  would  take  ,  take  ,  take  .  but  what  is  it  that  he  is  supposed  to  be  taking  ?  he  thought  moving  to  red  creek  would  give  him  the  answer  ,  but  it  didn’t  .  and  now  ,  he  is  itching  for  something  more  .

azi  has  a  complicated  relationship  with  the  hardships  he’s  faced  ,  and  the  new  life  he  has  .  he  teeters  on  the  edge  of  what  he  wants  and  what  he  deserves  ,  because  he  cannot  distinguish  the  two  .  he  wants  something  drastic  to  happen  to  him  on  the  off  chance  that  he  will  find  peace  ,  but  he  does  not  know  if  he  will  deserve  it  .  every  unfortunate  event  that  azizi  experienced  contributes  to  the  anger  he  has  today  ,  and  his  anger  is  deeply  rooted  in  hurt  .

there  doesn’t  need  to  be  a  means  to  an  end  ;  the  chase  is  what  he’s  looking  for  ,  and  he  will  realize  it  when  he  stops  running  .  sympathy  is  unnatural  to  a  man  who  never  received  it  ,  yet  there  are  slivers  of  moments  where  he  is  at  odds  with  himself  ;  who  is  he  to  put  in  effort  with  his  friendships  ?  who  is  he  to  feel  guilt  when  he  shoves  stolen  valuable  and  collectibles  in  his  backpack  ?  who  is  he  to  hide  his  past  from  those  who  care  about  him  ?

azizi  is  not  a  man  who  cares  deeply  about  motivation  ,  but  he  is  a  man  of  action  .  icarus  flew  too  close  to  the  sun  ,  and  azi  is  going  to  fly  cautiously  .  he  will  tell  you  that  he  does  not  know  what  he  wants  ,  but  it’s  there  ,  hidden  in  a  corner  in  the  back  of  his  mind  .  all  he  needs  is  that  push  towards  something  raw  and  real  .  maybe  then  ,  he  can  stop  running  .

wanted connections.

BOXING  BUDDY  —  someone  he  regularly  boxes  with  !  either  at  the  gym  or  at  his  own  place  .  boxing  is  azi's  stress  reliever  ,  so  bonus  points  if  they  don't  get  along  .

EX  EMPLOYEE  —  someone  who  used  to  work  at  ghosts  in  the  attic  as  a  shop  seller or assistant  !  maybe  they  left  because  it's  shady  ,  or  they  don't  trust  azi  ,  or  whatever  reason  .  fun  fact  :  azi  makes  all  his  employees  sign  nda's  🫣

FIRST  LOVE  —  someone  who  is  around  the  same  age  as  azi  ,  between  twenty  -  seven  to  thirty  .  the  relationship  started  about  seven  years  ago  and  lasted  about  ten  months  .  azizi  is  very  noncommittal  and  basically  a  shitty  boyfriend  😭  “  if  you  love  me  ,  you  don't  love  me  in  a  way  i  understand  ”  richard  siken  type  beat

NEIGHBORS  :  someone  he  hates  to  rely  on  !  it  took  him  a  while  to  get  the  hang  of  living  on  his  own  and  making  his  own  money  ,  but  he's  still  figuring  out  the  domestic  part  .  this  would  be  someone  who  azi  begrudgingly  needs  to  ask  for  help  even  though  he  really  doesn't  want  to  ,  yet  it  keeps  happening  over  and  over  again  . 

EX  -  ROOMMATE  :  self  -  explanatory  !  azi  is  notorious  for  moving  every  year  ,  so  this  can  work  for  multiple  plots  .  he  likes  to  keep  to  himself  and  have  his  own  space  ,  so  this  would  be  an  awful  experience  for  everybody  involved  probably  …  he  hates  sharing  ,  he  hates  unnecessary  noise  ,  and  he  can  be  stubborn  .  i  would  love  if  he  ended  up  roomies  with  someone  who's  the  complete  opposite  at  one  point  ! 

ONE  NIGHT  STAND  :  someone  he  seduced  once  !  azizi  likes  no  strings  attached  and  he's  willing  to  put  on  a  charming  persona  for  it  .  but  sometimes  he's  creepy  ,  so  creepiness  &  charisma  blend  together  until  he  can  get  someone  in  his  bed  .

[beyond-a-name]

So I keep seeing that post about critiques of superhero narratives going around, and while it sounds really good, something about it rubs me the wrong way.

The best thing to do with power is to give it away. That is not what superheroes do.

They use their power to help people, but it's never a redistribution of power. Even in settings where power can explicitly be granted to basically anybody, it is kept with a select few because that is integral to what makes it a superhero story.

Take Spiderverse for example, maybe my favourite ongoing franchise. In the Spiderverse, it is explicit that the powers of spiderman can be granted through a uniquely irradiated spider. There is an entire organization wholly devoted to connecting with other spider people across dimensions, but the story, even in the comics, never explores what would happen by putting all that funding and research into replicating those spiders.

Now, a big theme of every Spiderman retelling, and indeed almost every Superhero narrative, is what those characters lose to keep their city, their world, and their (remaining) loved ones safe. These superhuman characters go through exceptional sacrifice and loss because they have power, a kind of noble suffering, all for the good of those around them. This makes for a very compelling story, but that eternal martyrdom is also how abuse gets justified. If power is some noble burden, then it is both justified to give power to as few people as possible (to prevent suffering) while also to venerate those that have it (for their sacrifice and kindness).

This same justification, of course, extends to how real world government systems are justified. Really, it's quite tragic that our leader president king leviathan superhero has all that agency, they have to make all the "hard choices". Look at how strong they are for doing that, for taking care of everybody, even when people don't know what's best for them. And of course they don't, not always, because only the people with power have the ability to know. With great power comes great responsibility, after all, but it is the with-holding of responsibility that is precisely the problem.

This is the core of the power fantasy that superhero media presents. That you, dear reader, can be that hero. That you get to help people and be universally loved for it, and that all of your suffering is noble and justified. That even if your suffering is due in large part to the fact that you shoulder this burden alone and do not (or cannot) ask for help and thereby extend agency to those around you, you are right to do so. That even if you won't be outright revered, you will still be able to rest easy that it was you that made The Hard Choice instead of someone else, and that you're Keeping People Safe.

So let's go back to Spiderverse. As it stands, even though I think it could go farther, it's obviously (at least partially) a deconstruction of the superhero genre. Whereas Into The Spiderverse shows its greatest thematic strength in the power of community in the face of tragedy, Across the Spiderverse goes a step further to start asking why we have to keep making all these damn tragic decisions in the first place. Into the Spiderverse assures you that you're not the only one making hard choices, actually, and shows how nice that actually is. But Across the Spiderverse asks why anyone has to suffer in the first place. Across the Spiderverse resonates so strongly because it takes a look at the trolley problem and does what everyone who sees the trolley problem reflexively does, which is to start asking who tied all these people to the tracks and why do we take people dying by trolleys to be such a given? The film, in actively questioning the implicit assumption of tragedy and "noble sacrifice" is directly undermining part of the core superhero power fantasy. Whereas abuse and oppression are preserved in maintaining systems of power as necessary hardship and noble suffering, change is pioneered in questioning those power structures and recognizing that suffering is not a virtue. If suffering isn't a virtue, how noble are these sacrifices, anyway?

While I'm deeply excited to see the next Spiderverse film the moment it releases, like I stated earlier, the series doesn't go as far as it could. While it partially recognizes that the distribution of power is entirely arbitrary (who gets bit by that spider is effectively random), it doesn't ask why we aren't then redistributing it. Spiderverse, at least thus far, does not fully embrace actually giving that power away.

And it is here, dear reader, that I present to you a book recommendation. If what you've read here resonates with you and you're curious to see a work take that final step, then I'd like to direct your curiousity to the Nemesis series by April Daniels.

The (currently unfinished) trilogy begins with Dreadnought, in which Danny, a young, closeted trans girl, watches the world's greatest superhero die in front of her, before inheriting his powers. But with Dreadnought's abilities, Danny also gets her ideal feminine body, rendering it impossible for her to remain closeted any longer. While the book is obviously a trans narrative first and foremost, and a profoundly impactful one at that, the book also criticizes the centralization of power and touches on how deeply traumatizing all that "noble suffering" really is. The other superheroes are deeply traumatized and living in a state of constant vigilance, and everyone is of course bickering over who gets to benefit from Danny's powers and to what end. All the while, mind you, while telling a transfeminine narrative so archetypal that I could directly match it to my own lived experience, one for one: transphobia, homelessness, even her friend's perceived entitlement to her newly feminine body.

The second book, Sovereign, much more directly confronts the authoritarian fantasy at the heart of the genre (while also keeping it delightfully queer). In Sovereign, it is eventually revealed what is increasing the number of all these super- people, and casts its titular villain as a grossly rich man who seeks to keep that power as selectively distributed as possible. Not only does the book have Danny explore what heroism looks like outside of the corrupt, state-sponsored "White Cape" framework, but Danny also consistently reflects on just what it is she is actually getting out of all this violence.

Book 2 concludes with the forward expectation to redistribute this power much more freely, but book 3 isn't yet out to follow up on it. I personally suspect that this is largely due to the core challenge of redistributing power in a genre where the centralization of power is so integral to its telling. (I mean, it's not like anything else of note since 2017 could have had any sort of impact on the writing and publishing of a queer novel). Still, the series even thus far does a much better job of deconstructing the power fantasy and martyrdom that superhero media relies on than many mainline works before it, and its two finished books already stand on their own beautifully. Also it's trans, which rules. (It's one of my all-time favourite series, if you couldn't tell).

Anyway, you started this post expecting a thorough response of a specific rebuttal of leftist critique of superhero media. Namely, that rebuttal argues that superhero media, at its core, is about helping people. This is partially true, but it is almost never about empowering people to help themselves, which is precisely the problem.

I agree, the best thing to do with power is to give it away. Really be nice if it did that lol

[rillils]

imagine post endgame bucky having to go alone, without someone to support him, to say sorry to all the people whos family he killed and he keeps saying that he didnt have a choice as his excuse

and he keeps thinking that its not a good enough excuse, that hes not good enough

no, you see, you see!! one of the things that made me uncomfortable about their treatment of Bucky, back when I was watching tf*ws, is precisely this

gonna slap this under a cut because BOY I have things to say

I WWILL NEVER STOP BEING MAD ABOUT THIS. I MEAN.

deciding that he has to apologize for all those deaths implies that he murdered those people willingly, while he was perfectly aware of his actions, of their consequences, and just did it anyways. so now, you know, he has to "atone for his sins", or make amends or whatever. so we're just going to send him off to those dead people's relatives to immolate himself because of course that's the only right thing to do. BUT idk, say what you will, this entire concept just sits wrong with me, I can't help it.

like first of all, we're acting as though killing all those people was a conscious choice on his part, as though he were completely 100% in control of himself and actively chose to murder a bunch of people, just because it suited him or something, when we know, WE FUCKING KNOW, WE HAVE BEEN LITERALLY SHOWN THIS, IT'S A RECURRING THEME IN AT LEAST 2 OF THE CAP MOVIES, that THIS. was NOT. the CASE. and fuck anyone who says any different tbh, mcu included

second, they might argue that by walking up to the victims' relatives and apologizing, Bucky's giving them closure or something, but. just. look at this from their point of view, right. as far as they're concerned, this is the guy who murdered their loved ones in cold blood, and he's just! walking free! getting away with murder(s), apparently without suffering any consequences whatsoever for all his crimes and all the grief he has caused. is that REALLY gonna give anyone closure? or is it just going to hurt them more/make them even angrier/unnecessarily reopen old wounds when there's nothing, really, that can heal or soothe them at this point, but rather just make them more painful than they already were????

so, it doesn't give them closure. and it sure as fuck doesn't give him closure, either.

they send him on this horrible, tragic, terrifying, sad errand, and all he gets out of it is torturing himself some more. seeing the pain and the hatred for him on all of these people's faces, the moment he says "yes, it was me, I pulled the trigger, I killed this person you loved". like, torture, yes, torture!! that's all this is!!! that's all it earns him!!! no peace of mind, no sense of closure, no hint of forgiveness! just more pain!!!!!!

just. I just hate this, you know, I just. I really, really hate this. I especially hate how, as you said, the way they insist on him having to personally apologize is just going to make him feel like his own hardships (aka being physically and emotionally tortured until he broke down and had his identity, agency and free will stripped away from him) were just "an excuse". as though a victim (because THAT'S what he is, THAT'S what he always was, a victim himself) needed an excuse for all his suffering. as if he brought it upon himself. as if he was "asking for it".

nah, all of this, it's just going to make his sense of guilt grow stronger and deeper over time, making him feel even more Unworthy (unworthy of love, unworthy of acceptance, unworthy of living a normal life after everything he's been put through, unworthy of friendship, unworthy of being seen as a whole person, as a human rather than a murderer) than he already felt before, making his own pain so overwhelmingly powerful that he might end up feeling like his entire existence is a mistake, and everybody would be better off if he just wasn't around anymore. and that's just so horrifying that I refuse to contemplate it.

[paraliveimaginesblog]

Dandelion w/ Ryoga, please c:

Ryoga Tosa:

Dandelion - finally hearing the other person laugh after a period of hardship.

Ryoga had never thought he’d be going home.

Prison had been his home for years, he had been used to the way it worked, used to the people he was surrounded with, being thrown into the outside world again seemed so far away. And yet, the moment was here. He was labeled a free man in certain ways, while still having the criminal brand in others. He didn’t know if he could make it, he had been working on controlling his temper and having good behavior for such a long time…

“I believe in you, Ryo.”

You had pinched at his cheek, ignoring the grimace on his face; you always did because he just looked like that. Even after your first kiss, when his face had scrunched up like he had no idea what to feel, he had made a face that made you went to lock yourself away and throw the key into a river. But when he had dipped down to steal another, then another, you had realized that he was awkward in more ways than one, that his words and his face might tell a story that his body language did not.

“You can change if you try. I love you for who you are but… I don’t want you to get hurt.”

He thinks of the nights he came home bloody and bruised, the winner of the fight but then what? How could he keep looking you in the eye knowing he got himself in dangerous situations every night? Ran around with horrible people who did heinous things? It wasn’t a life that he chose but one that chose him, but even that felt like an excuse.

When he was finally locked behind bars, it put a lot of his life into perspective. Those first few weeks he sat with a heavy heart, mourning for his mother and for you. His mother had since passed on and was, hopefully, unable to see the fool he’d made of himself. But you were alive, suffering with his actions, feeling the full extent of his betrayal after he promised to stay out of trouble. He had tried, and he had failed, and there was no second chance for this particular failure.

Ryoga hoped you didn’t cry for him.

He hoped it wasn’t keeping you up at night to think about what he might be going through.

He had tried to force you away when you’d come to visit him when he was first detained. He wouldn’t hear a word of what you said, trying to scare you, threatening you so that you’d just leave him alone. You had a stubborn look on your face and you tried to talk, but he refused to listen. You were better with words than him. He knew you could convince him that it would be okay, and that you would be waiting for him, but he didn’t want that. He wanted to stop hurting you and the only way to do that was for you to stay away.

When GokuLuck formed, there was a change. It had been slow going but still, the work was being put in to become a different person. A more improved version of himself, who didn’t get mad at stupid shit people had to say, one who could function in society despite being so unwanted. He thinks it would make others more comfortable if he never came home, back to his old neighborhood, so they could continue to ignore what happened to him. Just another sad story from a poor stray dog living on the streets.

But in the end, he did have a home to come back to.

“Welcome home, Ryoga~”

You had kept it simple, knowing he was never one for large celebrations or anything too flashy. You weren’t trying to overwhelm your boyfriend (a title he had kept while in prison, whether he liked it or not) with too much on his first day out, but it felt wrong not to celebrate a little. You had been waiting for this day for so long, spent restless nights wondering if it would ever truly come, but your perseverance had paid off. Your loyalty, your love, all of your effort and letters and countless visits to Ryoga had finally shown results.

“…I’m…h-home…” Ryoga felt awkward about saying it, even more awkward when you didn’t react in any way.

Until you did.

Your laugh is like music to his ears. He’d seen your smile plenty of times since you’d started visiting him, he saw the jokes in your words and the way you’d make things seem so much less serious than they were to spare his feelings. But getting to hear your laugh, to see you smile and giggle for him, he didn’t even care that it was because of his fumbling with his words.

He was finally home.

[namjhyun]

DRAMA REVIEW | MOVING (2023)

In a time when we are suffering from an over-saturation of content and less than mediocre stories, particularly related to people with superpowers, South Korea has released MOVING and proved there's still hope for the genre.

Like its tittle the story is in constant move, not only pushing forward but going back to different timelines to give us context o our main characters and how the things happening in present time are a direct consequence to the past. Technically, MOVING is perfect. One of the strongest points is definitely the editing and this can be seen in the way the story jumps from one year to another but you never lose track of what's happening nor leaves you confused. There are gaps to fill but with other episodes that will give you answers. The score complements the actions and emotions of the characters to perfection.

The performances are top notch and it's not surprise considering this drama is stacked. If you have been watching korean dramas or films for a while, you will recognize even the most random character or one-episode-cameo it's performed by an award winning actor or actress. These people have a reputation for a reason and they deliver in every scene, with a look, a touch, a smile or a punch that will push you through a wall. For some characters in the drama literally speaking.

Zo In Sung hasn't starred in a drama since Dear My Friends (2016) and I am so glad this is his return to the tv format. In MOVING he delivered a nuance, charming and badass performance that in the hands of another would have fell flat. His character's entire existence it's what pushes most of the story forward: a person used as a weapon to kill but all he ever wanted was to live. The big mystery of the drama it's to find out what was his fate after he got separated from those he loves.

Ryoo Seung Ryong remains one of the most compelling actors of his generation, giving us the incredible story of a good man lost in life until he found his purpose and redemption. His storyline, full of gore and violence, was actually a tender love story about how far a man will go to protect his family. Marvelous.

Han Hyo Joo's character could have easily fallen into the Smurfette principle but no. She's an equal to the men who love her and those that want to kill her, with a very strong motivation to keep herself on the top of the game. This character's loneliness comes through every scene she's in, bottling everything up in order to be strong for her family but you can tell she's waiting for a chance to be free and, most importantly, for her son to be able to live freely.

Ko Yoon Jung, Lee Jeong Ha and Kim Do Hoon are really promising actors, particularly considering they hold their own while performance with so many household names. I think Kim Do Hoon and Kim Sun Kyun probably gave one of the most heartbreaking yet beautiful stories in the drama.

Like I mentioned before every single actor in this drama brought their A+ game face but I would be doing a disservice if I didn't mention Kim Hee Won, Cha Tae Hyun, Ryoo Seung Bum, Park Hee Soon, Yang Dong Geun, Jo Bok Rae, Park Kwang Jae, Kim Joong He and, of course, Kwak Sun Young. She in particular was SPECTACULAR.

None of these characters are one-dimensional, they are not defined by the label society wants to put on them. They are all joined together by the experiences, hardships, love, motivations and ambitions they share. At the end of the day, related or not by blood, they are a family. Even the so-called enemies.

MOVING it's absolutely worthy of the hype that surrounds it through all social media and news outlets putting in the category of one of 2023 best tv shows. I only regret I didn't have the time to watch it sooner so I could have add it to mine.

[fratresdei]

Nonreligious Thoughts on Hope

Content Warning: mental illness, religious upbringing, hopelessness

When I was in the thick of my religious upbringing, I remember feeling very apathetic about hope. It felt like a "pie in the sky" carrot dangled in front of me; a cheap response to the problem of suffering. I felt like the god of my Evangelical Protestant education was saying, "I know I hold all of the cards, and I could either fix everything now or show you the grand plan that will make all of the universe's hardships make complete sense, but I will do neither of those things. I will, however, give you a brain developed enough that you will want both of those things. But here's...um, hope! Go ahead and hope your little heart out that I've got everything under control. Those systemic forms of oppression that could be fixed by both human action and divine intervention? Sprinkle some hope on it! Confronting the entirely excruciating and life-altering reality of death and grief? Fingers crossed it'll feel better after you're dead! Good luck, love you, mean it girlfriend *kiss kiss*!" As someone who neither had the strength of faith to find comfort in this attitude nor the ability to make peace with the problem of evil (more on this in the 1st link in the comments), I was never particularly moved by hope.

1 Corinthians 13, while an unmitigated banger, did not do much to sway me. In verse 13 it is written, "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." Steeped in Evangelical Protestant doctrine, I understood the importance of faith and love. Faith was the magic word you had to utter in order to gain access to the exclusive heaven club, and love felt like an inherently worthwhile enterprise. Hope though? Hope seemed like a less certain version of faith, but perhaps a more honest one. Faith seemed like the surer face one would wear to address the public. If your factory was on fire, and you said to your employees, "We have faith that this will never happen again," that hits differently than, "We hope this doesn't happen again." Faith felt like a more transcendent, spiritual knowing, and hope felt like a gentle consolation. And in Evangelical Protestant Land, calling your spiritual practice a mere consolation and not Truth™ is an unforgivable sin.

As was true about many aspects of Christianity, I was only able to appreciate the value of hope once I had some distance from Christianity. So, for your enjoyment, I have compiled my nonreligious thoughts on hope. I welcome your disagreement.

What is Hope?

Biological Survival. Hope is the drive that keeps a species alive. It is our sustained push to continue being, despite our undulating moods. Cheetahs have hope that they will catch prey (and the prey has hope that it can escape or hide). Parents have hope that they can successfully have and raise a child. Sunflowers have hope that if they face the sun they will receive nourishment. I have hope that if I eat lunch it will give me energy. When I experience symptoms of mental illness, I have hope that I will eventually feel better. Without the pressure of an overarching ontological narrative, it can be easier to see and receive hope as a morally-neutral tool that serves a function. This understanding of hope is comparable to that of desire found in the book of Genesis and as understood by Jesuit theology (more on this in the 2nd link in the comments).

Sometimes Rooted in Capital "B" Belief, but Not Necessarily. Another freedom of a nonreligious approach to hope is that you get to choose what is helpful and discard what is not. In certain belief systems, wherein believing the correct things is more important than virtuous outcomes, hope is nonnegotiable. Moving into a more religiously-nebulous space, however, allows for the freedom to choose between what I will call Absolute Beliefs and functional beliefs. With an Absolute Belief, whatever interaction you have with that belief must be based in the conviction that it is definitely true, and any thought to the contrary dismantles the whole thing. With functional beliefs, there is more room to look at a belief and openly say to it, "Believing in you is helpful and serves a purpose, and if you end up not being true, the benefits will still be there, and that is enough."

Hope Can Hurt. Hope can fuel our survival, and survival can pave the way for our flourishing. However, when the object of our hope is proven false or futile, it can be disastrous. While hope can serve a function whether or not the specific hope is realized, this is not always the case. This frequently occurs in the form of a faith crisis, broken trust, disillusionment with a government, organization, community, cultural norm, or even yourself. When our hope eggs are placed all in one basket (often through no fault of our own), and these things fail us, the results can be devastating.

An Idea for Functional Hope. So if you take a functional approach to hope, how do you cultivate hope in a way that feels genuine? In the face of the heat death of the universe, what good does hope do? Is hopefulness a neutral trait or a virtue? Does maintaining hope cultivate individual and communal morality, or does it just make coping with oblivion easier? Perhaps the key to finding a sustainable object of hope is to find an amendable object of hope. Finding an amendable object of hope could mean finding an object of hope that you respect enough to let it be what it is without forcing it to become something that it is not. This can be tricky for those of us that are used to Absolute objects of Hope, because if we cannot trust our hope object to remain unchanging, how do we have hope in it? And if all our objects of hope are constructed, does this not quickly plunge us into nihilism? Maybe. But even nihilism makes space for joy and life-affirming, lovingly-created meaning. Even hope. So selecting in what to have hope could be just as--if not more--important as having hope at all. But also maybe not.

When Hope is Not Necessary. If there is value in having a living, breathing hope that is open to change and recalibration, perhaps there is value in having more things in which to have hope besides, well, hope. Humanist author Julian Baggini writes, "...when there’s nothing to hope for, there is often nonetheless something to celebrate. And when there’s little or nothing to celebrate, there is something to respect. Sometimes hope just isn’t the thing we should be looking for, but that does not mean in its place has to come despair."

So I think hope is always available to us. And if not, there's still hope.

Thank you for chewing on this with me. I'd love to hear your thoughts on hope in the comments. If you're interested in exploring these questions in a spiritual direction context, schedule a free session through the link in bio. What's spiritual direction? Find out at the 3rd link in the comments.

[zorkaya-moved]

❝ my father has never been able to imagine the world without himself in it. ❞ ( you know who father is aksjhdhggf )

@furiaei

The so-called faux creators will always witness themselves as the center of the universe, a star that has everyone circle around them. They are the lying saints, the fake creators, the self-important self-fulfilling prophecy that will end up in the darkest corners of the world. As Mania surrounds them all, DisCity will end up in the turmoil of endless screams and hardships. Only Death will deliver them from suffering, only Death will be the kindest touch they'll ever know, only Death will bring salvation.

Life has forgotten how to be merciful, Life has forgotten its joys, Life has shown its fangs dripping with blood.

After all, it seems it might be true for Mya: Death will be kind to her. A once long forgotten friend from Syndicate, a girl with such bright eyes that they will never lose their fire and will forever keep burning like the Legion's leader akin to a flaming star. The Abyssal Whispers keep reminding her of the hardships witnessed and what victims have fallen beneath the woman's hands, her weaponry is expansive and her mind is ever blooming with violence and wrath that runs in her veins. There are more ways to call her, to know her, to witness her. Some may call Mya an Archangel, one who will deliver justice and wrath upon those who wronged her. But is this Archangel going to deliver justice upon her so-called [creator]?

Oak Casket does not remember her father anymore nor does she remember what he used to tell her. Everything she remembers is a careful touch of her mother, a gleam of familiar golden eyes (but yours hide behind dual colored contacts, isn't that right?) and a familiar lullaby that would ring in her mind once in a while. But now, there is silence only in-between them as Mya spoke of her father.

"Even he will meet his end one day," Oak Casket responds, bringing up a teacup to her face to take a sip. The silence of Romanesque Hall only cuts ears of those who do not hear the whispers of the dead. Even now, Oak can hear the sounds of those who lament and who grieve, but also those who hate and who despise the one sitting in front of her. But they are whispers, whispers she can repress and tune down to the point they are just white noise. "Those who strive for godhood and immortality, they will always witness themselves as a prophecy. They'll follow their paths without an ounce of regret, no matter the sacrifices. In their eyes, all is just as long as it is them who brings down the judgement."

The cup is returned to the small plate, they will continue to exist until either of them perish in the flames or until they reach the end of the road. As Sinners, their salvation will be death. As always As with everyone. Syndicate will be reborn anew, sooner or later, and the flames will consume all. Their past, their present, but it may or may not grant them a new future where goals will be reached. Will Mya reach the destined end where her claws will dig out the heart of her [creator] from his chest, laughing maniacally at the revenge fulfilled? Or will she fall in the pool of blood, choking on the red liquid and watching as her [creator] and her [father] looks down upon her? The Devil lurks, but it will not escape Death. Not forever.

"The question is..." Oak Casket breathes in, closing her eyes and listening just a bit closer to a new whisper before opening her eyes and looking at Mya. "...Will you bring him to mortality or will you suffer from his devilish whispers?"

[naradivision]

“One who smiles rather than rages is always the stronger.”

Timeline

Age 0:

Born the only son to Shunrai Tomoharu and Yayoi Tomoharu.

Age 12:

Soon after taking up an interest from watching his grandparents run their wagashi store everyday, he decides to help with some errands.

Learns to do handicrafts in leisure time.

Age 14:

Other classmates make fun of his feminine likings and hobbies more intensely. Whether it’s oddly or luckily, the bullying never develops into physical level; nevertheless, their verbal abuse is still devastating to him.

Age 15:

His father refuses to take over his parent’s business, causing Asahi to yell at both his father and mother for having a low opinion on inheriting the store.

Father and mother then move to a bigger town in pursuit of work, leaving him in their grandparents’ care.

Starts helping his grandparents run the store after school.

Age 18:

His grandfather suffers an acute ischemic stroke and becomes a bedridden patient.

Graduates from high school

Decides to take on a full-time job at his grandparents’ store instead of attending the university.

His spartan training to become a “full-fledged” wagashi maker begins, coached by his grandma.

Age 19:

Participates in many confectionery contests even if never gains a trophy at one.

Becomes depressed after receiving some harsh critique.

Age 20:

Meets Yuuya who works part-time at his store during the holidays and somehow gets motivated by him.

Regains some of his confidence to keep on facing hardships.

Finally makes a name at the National Confectionery Exposition, using this chance to promote his shop.

Age 22:

Present

Joins the Division Rap Battles alongside Yuuya Kanata and Saigo Fuyugami, as the 2nd member of Nara Division “Miraitabi”.

Overhears his grandma seriously discussing with Saigo’s assistant, Chishio, that there has been some goons intrude into her hometown in searching for the Hypnosis Microphones.

Yuuya introduces his mysterious cyber friend “ANGE” to him and soon the two of them quickly gets along due to their similar amount of enthusiasm.

Spots a strange girl in lolita dress frequently visiting his store whenever Saigo pays a visit. Slightly be afraid that she might be his teammate’s stalker, he decides to keep an eye on her.

Schedule

12 a.m. - 5 a.m.: Asleep

5 a.m. - 5:20 a.m.: Freshens up

5:20 a.m. - 6:30 a.m.: Does housework

6:30 a.m. - 7 a.m.: Breakfast time

7 a.m. - 9 a.m.: Prepares ingredients and gets the shop up

9 a.m. - 12 p.m.: Helps grandma run the store while also taking care of Ojou-chan

12 a.m. - 1 p.m.: Lunchtime

1 a.m. - 6 p.m.: Returns to his work

6 a.m. - 6:15 p.m.: Ends his shift and takes Ojou-chan to the Ajisai Residence

6:15 a.m. - 7:15 p.m.: At Saigo-san’s place

7:15 p.m. - 9 p.m.: Dinner and spends time with the rest of his team

9 p.m. - 9:30 p.m.: Walking back to his shop

9:30 p.m. - 10 p.m.: Freshens up

10 p.m. - 10:30 p.m.: Visits his grandpa

10:30 p.m. - 12 a.m.: Goes to bed

Character Hashtags

Regular Hashtags

#Wagashi Today

#Cuteness is power uwu

#Why do I get the youngest treatment

Trauma Hashtags

#Every dream matters

#The clock is ticking

#How to step out from comfort zone

Other Info

Hobbies: Doing chores, Searching for new inspirations

Weakness: Sensitive to criticism, procrastination

Trauma: “I said something unforgivable to my parents.”

Social Media: @asahidesu

Drinks: Yes but believes in Green Tea Supremacy

Smokes: Absolutely no-no!

Special Skill: “Cooking, sewing, doing housework; I’m good at all of them! I can carry a lot of heavy sacks too! Grandma told me that I would make a perfect housewife, is it really a compliment?”

Intro Quote: “Welcome to Harumatsuya! Which kind of sweets are you looking for?”

Trauma Quote: “Grandpa, I promise! One day I’ll definitely not disappoint you! So, please… Please hang in there until then!”

[inamanicpixiedream]

2023

I've answered these questions on various platforms for over ten years now, I think? That's wild. There's better questions out there but tradition is tradition.

1. What did you do this year that you’d never done before?

Put on a mother-fucking Fringe show. Bought a Lego advent calendar. Got divorced lol.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions?

I don't really make them any more, but I feel like I set out what I wanted to do.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yeah, a few of my good friends from work.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No.

5. What cities/states/countries did you visit?

My partner finally moved here from Brisbane, but I did a couple of final trips there and we went back for a wedding. I did a whirlwind trip to Melbourne and while it was fun I found out I am not the kind of person who thrives on flying somewhere for less than 24 hours.

6. What would you like to have next year that you lacked this year?

Money. God, I hate this is the answer, but my rent got super jacked up and my partner hasn't found a job here yet and everything is find but it's tight as fuck and I hate working so goddamn hard and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

7. What date(s) from this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

February my show was performed. April my partner moved here. Two of the biggest days of my life honestly.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

The show was huge. I wrote and performed something I had written, with my own financial backing and organisation and steam, and it's something I have always wanted to do. And I just did it. I then started making more and more moves to make this my life, like asking to go part-time at work and starting my podcast again and putting together a Patreon.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I actually can't think of anything which is kind of wild. After leaving my husband last year I really grabbed a hold of my agency in my life. It's been pretty incredible.

10. What other hardships did you face?

I had a lot to grieve and process about the separation and I am very thankful to my therapist for all the work she did there.

My current relationship is wonderful but being two adults coming together is going to have more baggage and things to work through. It's so absolutely worth it.

11. Did you suffer illness or injury?

In July I was diagnosed with polycystic-ovary syndrome, which is yet another nail in the coffin of my ever being able to have children.

Along with that came a further investigation into my blood sugar and I was told I had pre-diabetes. This scared the shit out of me, cause I was really fucking close. I was also terrified about doing the work to try and reverse it, because I didn't want to get back into disordered eating territory. But I had incredible help from a dietician and I read really tempered, reasonable information, and I managed to make small, sustainable changes and turn that entire shit around. Within six months my levels were completely back to normal and all my other negative health markers were reversed. Honestly, this was another huge achievement.

12. What was the best thing you bought?

I just bought a new guitar that has become a huge joy in my life. I also got into beading when I went to see the Eras tour movie to make bracelets and I've kept it up and I absolutely love it as a hobby. Otherwise, I didn't really make a lot of big purchases. Contributing financially to helping my boyfriend move was pretty great to get him here.

13. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

I am often resisting the urge to come on here and write a very gushy post about my boyfriend, but god he is great. I wrote last year that I highly recommend falling in love in your thirties. My mum commented at Christmas that it's clear how happy he makes me, but it's beyond happy - he makes me calm. Even when things are hard and messy he is such a solid presence in my life, and he is so, so bloody nice to me, and I keep waiting for it to stop feeling like a crush and exciting every time I see him but it's been almost two years and that just has never gone away. He is so ridiculously supportive of me and has worked so hard on himself and I'm so proud of him.

14. Whose behaviour made you appalled?

No names, but a few people at work made me feel like I was banging my head against the wall.

Also, fuck everyone who has been supporting Israel's attack on Palestine.

15. Where did most of your money go?

Rent and household expenses is the very boring but realistic answer.

16. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My show. My boyfriend finally moving here. Seeing Barbie.

17. What song will always remind you of this year?

I was so terrible at listening to new music this year. The songs that were written for my show, I guess. I listened to Peach Prc and Tessa Violet a lot, but I don't know if those songs will remind me of the year. Maybe Kitchen Song.

18. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. Happier or sadder? Happier, happier, happier!

ii. Thinner or fatter? No comment!

iii. Richer or poorer? Poorer. But I have complete control of my finances and can still cover everything and then some. Have to remind myself I'll be okay.

19. What do you wish you’d done more of? Reading! This is something I have to work on.

20. What do you wish you’d done less of? Last year I said sleeping, which is very funny to me. Mindless scrolling is the answer this year for sure.

21. How did you spend Christmas? My extended family did out potluck on the Saturday before which was lovely, and my boyfriend was nervous cause he hadn't met half of them before, and he'd never been to a big Christmas before, but it was really great. My granny is pretty far gone with her Alzheimer's though which was a cloud that hung over everything

My boyfriend's mum then flew down on Christmas Eve, and we had lunch on the day with just us and our mums, cause we're both only children of single parents, and I was a bit concerned it'd be awkward, but it wasn't, it was really nice. We cooked an amazing meal together and both our mums bought the dogs presents. and we watched Fantasia and it was great.

22. Did you fall in love this year? 

I did not know it was possible to be in love the way we are. I sold myself short for years. It feels like a waste of time, but god, I cannot believe how lucky I am to have it now.

This is what I wrote last year, at the end of a much more extended answer, since 2022 was pretty big for us. But this is still absolutely true, and I can't get over it still.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I don’t think so.

24. What was your favorite show? God, I didn't watch much that was new, but we rewatched 30 Rock because my boyfriend had never seen it and that was great.

25. What was the best book you read? The Bookbinder of Jericho by Pip Williams. Little Weirds by Jenny Slate. What You Are Looking for is in the Library by Michiko Aoyama.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery of the year? I went to see Stop Making Sense and it got me very into The Talking Heads. Loved finding corook's music as well.

27. What was your favorite film? 

Films that came out this year - Barbie, Oppenheimer, Across the Spiderverse,

 Films I watched for the first time - Amadeus, Stop Making Sense, Best In Show, The Great Escape, Glass Onion.

I also went to a cinema event where we marathoned all five Twilight movies in a row, and that ruled.

28. What was your favorite meal?

We've been doing a roast chicken every Sunday together which has been great.

It's what we did on Christmas too and I made a kickass pavlova. Think that's definitely been the best meal of the year.

29. What did you want and get?

For my partner to move here.

30. What did you want and not get?

To win the fucking lottery.

31. What did you do on your birthday and how old did you turn?

I turned 35. I had a work event that night so did nothing special. That was fine.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Said it before, but having more financial stability and freedom sure would be nice.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of the year?

Comfortable. Embracing my body. Showing my tattoos. As sustainable as possible.

Wrote this last year. Stand by it.

34. What kept you sane?

My dogs. My friends. My boyfriend. Writing. Podcasts. Taylor Swift's music. Going to the movies.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you admire the most?

Caroline Klidonas is an actor I follow on TikTok whose work I just adore. I also love Pip Williams' writing so much, especially after seeing the play of A Dictionary of Lost Words.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? The genocide in Gaza.

37. Who did you miss? Sometimes I miss the family I lost in the divorce.

But mostly not.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

I honestly don't feel like I've met many new people? Which is weird.

39. What valuable life lesson did you learn this year?

Go after what you want.

40. What is a quote or song lyric that sums up your year?

On the way home I wrote a poem You say, "What a mind" This happens all the time

'Cause they said the end is coming Everyone's up to something I find myself running home to your sweet nothings Outside, they're push and shoving You're in the kitchen humming All that you ever wanted from me was nothing

- Sweet Nothing, Taylor Swift

We live in hope--that life will get better, and more importantly that it will go on, that love will survive even though we will not. As Emily Dickinson put it, hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all. And we are here because we’re here because we’re here because we’re here. Sing it with me, wherever you are. Think of those across the broad and roaring seas, and sing with me. You won’t be more offtune than I am. We’re here because we’re here because we’re here because we’re here. We’re here because we’re here because we’re here because we’re here.

- The Anthropocene Reviewed, John Green

[bookwormtck]

Thinking about preparing for adulthood as I face this summer having completed junior year of undergrad. It feels like a thick dark substance is expanding within me and swells with each moment I give in to fear or anxiety or glumness or laziness, because I'm worried I won't be able to do ANYTHING. Of course, I am recovering from burnout and my huge failures from this past semester, while gearing up to lead youth ministry at my church, and also walking through a family member's cancer diagnosis, so I'm a little blindsided.

I'm no real adult. I'm just a college student with eyes slowly opening to the harshness of life.

I've gotten great heartfelt wisdom from the adults in my life, and I marvel at how strong they are. Aunts and uncles, grandparents and cousins and professors, customer service people who pick up the phone...Even people like this twitter user who is going through hardship, yet manages to post it online so that others see that they are not alone in this.

Then I got to thinking about the bubbly, seemingly carefree and lighthearted adults in my life. Teachers who poured their hearts into their students. Next-door neighbors who my family was so close to, we went took them on family trips multiple times a year. Family friends who suffered years of infertility, late-term miscarriages, yet they never stopped caring for those around them. Parents of my friends who made sure I got something to eat even when their own financial lives were strained. My parents.

What they all have in common is--and I know it sounds so trite--an undying faith in Jesus. They never let go of hope and they always look to God for help, which WE NEED at some point(s) EVERY DAY! I wrack my brain trying to see if it was all psychosomatic sometimes. Wondering if their happiness was a façade or if they were just lying to themselves in order to keep themselves from going over the edge. Staying in marriages or jobs or countries because of societal expectations and not love.

But the conclusion was always this: I can't make this stuff up. There is a sense of fullness in these happy, hopeful adults in my life. The fatigue and irritability and pudgy stomachs and dark circles and deep sighs are still there. But there is zero insecurity in terms of how they see their suffering and pleasure and rest and even conflict, as meaningful. There is no empty hole they are distracting themselves from, no flimsy idol they're chasing in order to feel whole.

Just a love for God.

It's giving me hope now, as a 21-year-old. Once I got a taste of joy, I didn't want to lose it. We are meant to live. God hates the evils (racism, sexism, slavery, hate crimes, food deserts, SIDS, undiagnosed disease, bullying, airstrikes, prognoses, you name it) of this world even more than we do, and God wants us to live life to the full. It's actually written in the Bible!

I don't think escape comes with running away to a walkable community in Europe or a popular social group or a toned body filled with berries and red meat or even finding your soulmate. Life is always hard. It's the slogan of our world. But...if you ever wonder if there is something more to all of this, or even something to take the edge off, I would encourage you to just talk to God out loud. Speak your heart. See what happens that day.

[lyntherighteousleftist]

Hi Edmalyn,

This is me, your alter ego. While I watch you, it’s clear that you’re not okay. I know you’re pretending to be fine, but deep down, you’re really not.

Sigh, Ed, if only we could rewind time, you would have a much better chance of passing the Civil Service exam. But we can’t. It’s already happened. It’s hard to accept because I know you’re aware of how much effort you put into studying. There’s nothing wrong with reviewing, because at least you learned something, right?

Talking about your disappointments, I know you really wanted to pass, especially since you already have a backer. That would’ve made things much easier, wouldn’t it?

I don’t know what went wrong or why this happened. Of all people, why did it have to be you who had to suffer? I mean, haven’t you gone through enough hardship already? What more do you need to prove while enduring this pain? Isn’t it enough? Really?

Even now, I’m still puzzled and can never understand why someone who studies so diligently would still fail. It makes me wonder, what could have possibly gone wrong for you to fall short again?

Ed, I know you feel pressured because your friends have achieved so much, while you feel like you’re still stuck. But please, don’t give up. There are still people who support you. I’m your alter ego, and there’s Mama, Lola, and your friend Cloney. If only you knew, there are still people who believe in you.

Ed, I know there are moments when everything seems pointless—when you question if all the effort and sacrifices are even worth it. The doubt creeps in, making you wonder if you’ll ever be enough or if you’ll ever get past this phase of constant struggle. But, remember, just because you’re facing setbacks doesn’t mean you’re failing at life. It means you’re growing through life. Growth isn’t always easy or pleasant; sometimes, it comes with tears, heartache, and uncertainty.

You might feel like giving up would be easier, that walking away from this battle would bring some relief. But deep down, you know that the things you care about are worth the fight. You have a vision for your future, and even if it feels blurry right now, it’s still there, waiting for you to step into it.

Every time you pick yourself up after a disappointment, you’re proving your strength. It’s in those moments of pain and discouragement that you’re truly building the resilience you need for life’s greatest challenges. Those moments are shaping you into the person who can overcome not just this, but anything life throws your way.

The truth is, success doesn’t always come to those who have the perfect circumstances or the easiest path. It often comes to those who refuse to surrender, who get back up despite how many times they’ve been knocked down. And that’s exactly who you are, Ed—someone who doesn’t back down from a fight. You’ve shown time and time again that you’re willing to go the extra mile, and one day, the world will acknowledge that perseverance.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when you think about all the dreams you have yet to reach. But don’t let the enormity of your goals scare you. Instead, focus on the small victories—the times you chose to study instead of giving up, the days you pushed yourself to keep going when everything felt like a heavy weight. Those little wins are the building blocks to something greater, even if it’s hard to see that now.

You’ve made it through tough days before, Ed. You’ve endured moments where you felt you had nothing left to give, yet you found a way to keep moving forward. That resilience is your superpower, and it will guide you through this. Let the challenges inspire you to be even more determined, even more committed to your journey. You’re not starting from zero; you’re carrying with you every lesson, every effort, and every step you’ve already taken.

Don’t be afraid to lean on the people who care about you—your mom, Lola, Cloney, and even me, your alter ego. We’re here to remind you that you’re not alone in this fight. We see your efforts and the courage it takes to keep going, even when it feels like the world is against you. There is strength in letting others support you; you don’t have to carry the burden all by yourself.

Ed, the world may not always play fair, and life may present you with hurdles that seem insurmountable. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of the success you’re striving for. It doesn’t mean that the dreams you have in your heart aren’t meant for you. Sometimes, the journey is just longer and harder than expected, but that doesn’t mean you won’t arrive at your destination.

Promise yourself that you will continue, even if it’s one small step at a time. Promise yourself that you won’t let this setback be the end of your story. The world is filled with stories of people who stumbled many times before they reached greatness. Yours will be no different. In the end, what will matter most is that you never gave up on yourself.

Edmalyn, you are stronger than the doubts, more resilient than the disappointments, and braver than you realize. Keep believing that better days are coming because they are. And when they do, you’ll look back and understand that this was all part of the journey that shaped you into someone who can conquer anything.

Take heart, Ed. Your time will come. And when it does, it will be even sweeter because of everything you’ve been through. You will rise from this, stronger and more determined than ever before.

You are not defined by this setback. You are defined by how you rise from it.

I’m here, Ed. Even if it feels like no one else understands, I do. I’m the voice that’s been with you through every trial, the one that encourages you to keep fighting, even when it seems pointless. I believe in you because I know the kind of person you are—someone who doesn’t quit, someone who keeps showing up despite the setbacks.

Keep going, Ed. Your story isn’t over. The failures don’t mean you’re not good enough; they’re just a part of your journey. And as long as you’re still willing to fight, there’s hope. The best is yet to come, and I’ll be here with you, every step of the way.

You are not alone. You have the strength to get through this, and one day, you’ll look back and see how every struggle prepared you for something greater. You are loved, Ed, and your dreams are still worth fighting for. Keep believing in yourself, because I always will.

You’re going to make it. I believe in you.