#who up tryna kill themselves for me

[yanwrld]

[theantichrists-blog]

[meatriarch]

i wake up and first thing i think of is: during marias search esp in that first week or two, i wonder how many of the search parties were volunteers considering that civilians can help cover more ground etc rather than the travis or newt sheriffs ( esp since canonically in the remakes, travis countys dept is severely understaffed )

and i wonder, too, just how many of said volunteers were extended sawyers & hewitts ensuring all potential evidence or suspicions that could point to their family ( not just in marias case but all of them in general ) is covered / fucked with / etc.

.

[amazingmsme]

Easy Target

AN: sorry I haven’t posted for a few days, I’ve been busy with Halloween activities! But I’ve had this fic ready to go for a while, so here it is! It’s technically a sequel to Appetite for Trouble & makes more sense if you’ve read that one first, but it can also stand on its own. Asterios is my baby & he’s so much fun to write! Definitely lmk if y’all wanna see more of him or Leander! Hope y’all enjoy day 27, we’re closing in on the last few days!

& yes I DO ship my oc with Elpenor, what of it?

Asterios honestly wasn't sure what to expect after the crew's attack. He supposed he was expecting for them to mock him relentlessly, to strike at any given opportunity. After all, it's what he probably would've done.

Instead, the lighthearted teasing and jokes made at his expense were kept to a minimum. The Gods must be looking out for him.

What was perhaps even more surprising, was the fact that no one had tried anything since then. They would still tussle amongst themselves, and he was, for the most part, ignored. Although, if asked if he wanted to join in on someone else's torture, he wasn't so inclined to say no. Especially if offered a chance for revenge. But other than that, they let him be.

Not that he was complaining! Don't you fucking dare let that thought enter your head. He was just... confused is all. Confused and fairly paranoid, not jealous, thank you very much. They had seemingly had so much fun tearing his sanity to shreds with nothing but their bare hands, it was sure to happen again. They had certainly made him think it would. Yet, the most anyone ever did was a poke to his ribs here, a squeeze to his sides there. Just to make him jump with an embarrassing yelp.

He was grateful they hadn't tried anything else, he told himself. It was childish, overwhelming, stupid, and... kinda fun. But he was above it. And yet, when he hears frantic laughter echoing across the ship, he can't help but smile.

Leander was the only one who didn't seem to let it go. His roommate has since decided that the best way to wake him up is to body slam his sleeping form, and tickle him until he was fully conscious. Thank the Gods he had his pillow to muffle the sound.

He didn't stop there. He also liked to sneak up behind Asterios whenever he was busy and tickle wherever he could reach. So really, who else would be scratching behind his wings?

He scrunched his neck as a smile broke out across his face and the wing twitched away from the touch.

"What?" he asked, not bothering to turn around.

The hand returned, causing the feathers to bristle and his wing slapped the hand away. "Damnit what do you want?" he snapped, spinning around to confront his friend. The playful annoyance was replaced with shock as the color drained from his face.

"You're not Leander."

Elpenor's smile only grew as he looked the demigod in the eye. "No, I'm not."

Asterios felt his whole body go tense, and he was leaning as far against the rail as he could. "So... can I help you?"

"Yeah, I was just curious," Elpenor explained, taking a step forward. Asterios arched a skeptical brow.

"About?"

Elpenor flashed a dangerous grin and lunged forward, grabbing his wings and stretching them out on either side of his head. "Just how ticklish are these things?" he asked, feigning innocence. Asterios shrieked and instinctively flailed away- backwards.

He felt himself start to tip over the railing and he was screaming for an entirely different reason. A hand grabbed his shirt and pulled him forward until he found his footing. All while laughing in his face.

Typical.

Asterios shoved him away angrily, "What the hell Elpenor, you tryna kill me?"

"I didn't know you'd freak out like that! I barely even touched them!" he cheered, already trying to grab them again, only for Asterios to smack him away.

"Try it again and see what happens," he growled threateningly.

"Okay!" Elpenor chirped, immediately reaching for his wings once more. Asterios panicked and stumbled back, snatching his wrist in the air. Elpenor's other hand swiped at the other side, and he caught that one too.

"Wha- don't actually try it again! Don't you know anything?"

"I know your wings are like, crazy ticklish," he goaded. Asterios balked, unable to find the words as a blush quickly spread across his face.

"I'd shut up if I were you," he threatened.

"Yeah, well, you're not, sooo-" Elpenor trailed off as he twisted his hands free. Asterios didn't have time to react before he felt blunt nails scratching beneath downy feathers.

His eyes flew wide open, and he stumbled over his own two feet as he tried to escape. He doubled over, gripping the railing for support as he did his best to prevent any unwanted laughter from escaping. He clamped his mouth shut, lips trembling as the urge to smile continued to grow, but helpless giggles forced their way out when he hit a particularly sensitive spot. He shook his head frantically, wings twitching, but Elpenor was nothing if not persistent.

"Ehehehelpenor, I'm seheherious!" he squealed, shaking his head back and forth while his wings flapped uselessly.

"Really? You don't sound like it," he taunted as his other hand joined the fray. Asterios shrieked when the other side was attacked, a bright blush spreading across his cheeks. Breathless snickers forced their way past his lips, and he was faced with a dreadful choice: either fight him off and probably lose, or focus his efforts on keeping those humiliating sounds inside his chest. He clamped a hand over his mouth, biting down on his palm as hard as he could to prevent anymore noises from escaping.

"Booooo," Elpenor complained when bright laughter became muffled. "You know I already heard you laugh, so what's the point in trying to hide it? I mean, you really aren't fooling anyone," he taunted, earning a frustrated growl that dissolved into choked off giggles.

Fuck this, fuck him, he needs to leave NOW.

"What? But we just got started!"

And FUCK this stupid bullshit power of his.

Asterios managed to slip free and made a break for it, shoving anyone and anything out of his way. He didn't even know where he was going, he just knew he had to stay away from Elpenor for as long as possible. As he ran, his feet began moving faster and faster, and the distance between them grew. If he could just make it below deck, he could figure it out from there.

He was halfway down the stairs, looking back over his shoulder to make sure he was still in the clear, when Polites cried out, "Whoa, whoa, stop!"

He came to a grinding halt, stopping just short of running into Polites and Odysseus. "Move!" he yelled, but neither so much as budged.

Asterios looked uncharacteristically giddy; wide eyed with a nervous smirk, cheeks flushed a faint pink, and his hair was falling out of a loose bun. The pair shared a knowing look, and Odysseus crossed his arms, casually blocking the stairway.

"Where're you off to in such a hurry?" Odysseus asked, sporting a smug smile. Asterios rolled his eyes and tried to shove past them, but Odysseus stood his ground, his shit eating grin growing wider.

"I don't know, just move!"

"Why? What's the rush?" Polites caught on quickly, blocking the way when Asterios tried to squeeze past them.

"He's right behind me!" he yelled, desperately trying to push them aside as he looked behind him anxiously.

"Who?" they asked in unison, and Asterios swore they were just doing it to waste time.

"Oh good, you caught him!" Elpenor called out from the top of the stairs. Fuck.

"Elpenor! I should've known it was you," Odysseus mused aloud. "So what'd he do this time?"

Asterios scoffed and shoved at his chest, "Nothing, asshole!"

Elpenor chuckled as he walked down the stairs slowly, "He's right, I just couldn't help myself."

"Well in that case, have fun!" Polites laughed, clapping Asterios on the back. He brushed his hand off harshly, absolutely seething.

"What the hell did I ever do to you?" he hissed through clenched teeth. Polites merely shrugged, "What? You could use a laugh."

Asterios scoffed, looking between the three of them. "Captain, you're just gonna let this happen?" he asked incredulously, fending off Elpenor with one hand while he tried to force his way behind the pair.

Odysseus thought it over for a moment. "I don't know. You're on your break right now, right?"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"If you weren't busy, I don't see what the problem is."

"How can you not see the fucking problem?" he spat angrily. Odysseus arched a brow at the feisty tone, and just like that, his fate was sealed.

"Is that how you speak to your captain?" he asked.

"You're way too moody, we're practically doing you a favor."  Polites decided, flashing a teasing smile.

"Like hell you are!"  Asterios scoffed, lunging at them.

"Oh lighten up," Odysseus rolled his eyes and pushed him away, straight into Elpenor's clutches. He hooked his arms beneath the demigod's and started dragging him back up the stairs.

"Bastards, all of you! I won't forget this!" he screamed, kicking out and fighting every step of the way.

"Oh, and Elpenor? While you're at it, make sure you fix his attitude. Don't stop until he stops cussing," the captain ordered, shooting them both a wink.

"What the fuck? That's not fair!"

"With pleasure!" he adjusted his grip and saluted, carrying Asterios up the rest of the way. Before he could make another run for it, Elpenor kicked his legs out from under him, catching him just before he hit the ground.

Odysseus and Polites squeezed past as they finally made their way to the upper deck. He called out one last time, his last chance for salvation. Because if Polites didn't feel sorry for him, no one would.

"Plehease, he's gonna kihihill me!" Asterios couldn't believe he had resorted to begging, but desperate times and all that.

"Don't worry, it'll only feel like you're dying!" Polites assured, laughing at the look that came over his face. Odysseus was laughing too as he threw an arm around his shoulders, shaking his head fondly.

"That was mean, even for him," the captain praised, reaching up to ruffle his friend's hair before they rounded the corner and Asterios lost sight of them.

Even for him? What the fuck, he wasn't THAT bad... Was he? No, he didn't fucking deserve this. He was still glaring over his shoulder when Elpenor thumped his forehead to get attention.

"Hey, I'm right here!"

Asterios redirected his burning glare to the proper target. "How could I forget?" he deadpanned, trying to keep his racing heart in check. Elpenor had sought him out, had chased him down just because he was bored, and now, his head was resting in his lap. Oh, how he'd dreamed for something like this to happen...

Under different circumstances!

"Well then, let me remind you," Elpenor taunted, reaching behind his wings to scratch at the base. Asterios burst into bright, bubbly giggles as he squirmed around in his lap, unable to reach Elpenor's hands from the way he had his arms held back. He could barely even reach his face to hide behind his hands or muffle his laughter. He was left with nowhere to hide, and the only view he had to look at was Elpenor's beautiful grinning face staring down at him. It didn't help that he kept taunting him and telling him how cute he was.

He was many things, but cute sure as hell wasn't one of 'em.

Elpenor gasped loudly, and Asterios flinched at the sudden noise, looking around to see what caused it. He saw nothing.

"What-"

"Take that back!"

Asterios furrowed his brows in confusion as he took the opportunity to catch his breath.

"I didn't say anything, dumbass."

"Hey, remember what the captain said!" he warned playfully. Asterios rolled his eyes, yelping when he gently pinched his wings. He bit down on his lip, squeezing his eyes shut as he struggled to maintain his composure.

Elpenor began rubbing the velvety soft wings in between his fingers, and Asterios broke out in helpless shrieks and squeals.

"So if you're not cute, what are you?" he asked, cocking his head as he stared down at him. He wore a proud grin as he watched a dark blush spread across the demigod’s cheeks.

"NOTHING!" Asterios growled in frustration, snorting when he hit a bad spot near the edge of his wings.

"Really? Wow Asterios, I knew your self esteem was low, but give yourself some credit!" Elpenor teased, chuckling along at his own stupid joke.

"Oho put ahaha sock in ihit!"

"Why don't you? You're the one who won't shut up," he mocked, kneading at the base and sending him into shrill hysterics.

"Thehehen LET mehe shut up!" he whined, shaking his head back and forth. Elpenor readjusted his grip so that he couldn't even do that. "Ohoho COME OOOON!" he yelled in frustration.

Elpenor seemed to think it over before answering, "Hmm... I don't know, maybe if you admit how cute you are, I'll stop." Maybe- is he trying to trick him? Does he think he's stupid or something?

"No way, are you out of your damn mind?"

"Again with the swearing? Guess you just want to be tickled all day," he taunted smugly. Asterios tensed up, a hot blush spreading across his face.

"Shut the hell up right now if you know what's good for you!" he growled, reaching up to slap weakly and tug his hair. Anything to try and escape. Elpenor laughed as he easily brushed him off.

"No no, I get it! There are worse ways to get out of work!"

"I wasn't! You just attacked me for no reason!"

"Do I really need a reason?" Elpenor asked, grinning down at him. Asterios felt his own lips tug into a shy, giddy smile and he immediately looked away.

"Yes!" he insisted.

"Maybe I tickled you because you're always so grumpy. Ever think of that?"

"Why would I think of that," he snarked before he thought better of it. He wasn't about to admit to the fact that he had indeed given it some thought.

"I don't know, you tell me," he teased, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Asterios blushed, and his wings instinctively tugged against their hold in an attempt to hide his face. They could barely twitch.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. "You're a real piece of fuckin' work, you know that?"

"And you're a ticklish asshole who keeps asking for it," Elpenor said matter of factly. That sure got his attention.

"I am not!" he denied, feeling the heat in his cheeks burn hotter.

"Really? Could've fooled me," he taunted with a smug grin.

"What do you want from me?" he whined, allowing himself to go completely limp in his hold.

This is useless, and silly, and... the most fun he's had since the last time Leander did this to him.

"I just wanna hear you laugh for once, is that a crime?" Elpenor asked, and he sounded surprisingly sincere. It sent a warm, hopeful flutter through his chest that he had to smother. He needed to deflect.

Asterios threw his head back and let out a loud, hearty, obviously fake laugh. "HA HA HA! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?" he yelled in his face, his words practically dripping with sarcasm.

"Overjoyed," Elpenor practically purred, grabbing his wings and folding them gently so that the tips of the feathers stroked over his ears and neck. He squeaked and shut his eyes tight, his breath coming out in short bursts through his nose as he did everything he could not to laugh. It wasn't really working. 

He doesn't mean it, he's just fucking with you, don't get your hopes up. He's just teasing, he's not actually having that much fun-

"Oh I'm having a blast," Elpenor taunted, smirking at the horrified look that washed over him.

Asterios stared up at him in shock, lurching forward to escape, only to remain trapped in Elpenor's arms. Not... the worst place to be trapped, if he were being honest.

"Gehehet out of my head!" he growled through helpless giggles as his own fucking feathers reduced him to nothing but breathless laughter and embarrassing snorts.

"Dude, you're the one projecting your thoughts in my head," he pointed out, barely holding back his own laughter.

"Ihihi can't hehehelp it!"

"Awww I know, isn't it great?"

Asterios didn't even want to know what shade of red he was. "Nohoho!" How he managed to sound sarcastic even now, Elpenor would never know.

"But it's the only time you're really honest with us!"

"It ihihis not!" he adamantly denied.

"Eh, agree to disagree," he shrugged, dragging the wings along his neck. Asterios squealed and shook his head back and forth, his laughter taking on a desperate pitch. His nose was scrunched adorably and his mouth hung open in a wide smile as shrill giggles and squeals continued to erupt from him. His rarely seen dimples were on full display across his rosy cheeks. It was a priceless sight to behold.

Elpenor couldn't help himself. "You know, my offer still stands. I can let you go if you just admit how downright precious you are!" he cooed in the most patronizing tone Asterios has ever heard. To make matters worse, he hugged him closer to his chest so he could nuzzle against his neck.

"Nohoho, plehehease!" Asterios couldn't even think straight; every nerve in his body set on fire while his heart felt like it skipped a hundred beats. He thrashed as much as he could, his shrieking cackles interrupted by the occasional snort.

"Alright, how 'bout you just tell me where you're most ticklish instead?" Asterios gawked at him and fervently shook his head.

"I think I'd rather die!"

"Wow, that's a bit much, even for you."

"Ehehelpenor, plehease! Just lehehet me gooo!"

"Pick your poison, tough guy," he taunted directly in his ear, sending goosebumps racing across his skin. At least now he could hide behind his wings, but that offered little solace as Elpenor rubbed what little scruff he had against his neck. In the past, Asterios had mocked him for not being able to grow a full beard, but it was just enough to be pure torture.

"Just kihihill mehe alreaDYYYY!" he broke off into a giggly shriek, flailing helplessly.

"Fine, have it your way. Death by tickles it is. Not a very heroic way to go, if you ask me," he mused smugly.

Gods save him, this is downright cruel! Fucking fine! Let the bastard win, his sanity is worth more than his shattered dignity at this point.

"Ohohokahahay, you wihihin!" he caved, and Elpenor pulled away with a smug grin. Asterios gasped for breath in between residual giggles, eyes closed and still smiling.

"I believe there's something you wanted to say?" he prompted.

His lips twitched into a forced scowl, "Yeah, you're a dick." Elpenor gasped at the insult and went back to scribbling at the base of his wings, causing him to crumble immediately.

"Okay okahay, I'm sorry!"

"That's what I thought." It took all the willpower he had not to mock him. When Asterios realized that he hadn't stopped staring at him, he let out a frustrated huff.

"By the Gods, alright already! I guess I'm… maybe, kinda, a little bit... cute," he said the word as if it left a bitter taste on his tongue. He felt like he needed to rinse his mouth out with sea water.

Elpenor arched a brow in amusement. "Is that the best you can do?"

"It's the best you're gonna get."

"Fair enough," he finally relented, letting Asterios go. He let himself go completely limp on the stairs, not bothering to move his head from Elpenor's lap.

"You better sleep with one eye open tonight," he threatened, but the wide grin on his face diminished the threat.

"Yeah yeah," he waved him off dismissively.

"I mean it!" he insisted when it seemed he wasn't being taken seriously.

"Sure you do," Elpenor nodded along. Asterios rolled his eyes and sat up straight, turning away from him with a huff. One last thing wouldn't hurt...

He leaned forward and blew against his wings, eliciting one last squeal from his friend. He whipped around to fix him with a glare, but it was blatantly obvious that he was holding back a shy, playful grin.

"Try that again and see what happens."

[damn-stark]

Chapter 4 This charming man

Tragedy at the Miller’s Chapter 4

A/N- Not ready for what’s coming

Warning- ANGST, talks of death, swearing, long chapter, fluff :)

Pairing- Joel Miller x daughter!reader, Henry x Fem!reader

Episode- 1x06 (not all of it)

(If you want to be tagged let me know!)

————

Family reunions are supposed to be heartwarming, joyful!

Maybe it was for the first 10 minutes, but now it’s awkward, there’s tension, there’d be deafening silence but the area you’re at is filled with the sound of obnoxious chewing. It’s an annoying sound, a usual pet peeve of yours, but right now, fuck it, it’s the first real meal you’ve had in two years.

“There’s more if you need it,” Maria interjects through the urgency of all the chewing.

“Thank you, ma’am,” your dad says when he finishes chewing. “It’s been a while since we’ve had a proper meal.”

You smile up at her with your mouth full of food and nod in agreement. Your uncle Tommy notices and shakes his head in disapproval, but he can’t help but smile faintly.

“Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever had a proper meal,” Ellie cuts in, causing you to slowly swallow your food and look at her with a bit of pity—“this is fuckin’ amazing.��

Your dad shoots her a pointed glare before looking up at the couple in front of him. “Sorry,” he apologizes for her, while you stifle your laugh with the food you shove in your mouth. “Ellie, let’s mind our manners.”

You smirk down at your food, but feel your uncle pat your back. “Don’t worry,” he adds. “Someone tends to have a way with words too.”

You look over at him and respond back with your mouth full of food. “I’m just expressin’ my freedom of speech.” You shoot him a smile and then return to eating, bringing back a bit of silence.

Albeit seconds later the peace is broken by Ellie snapping at someone behind you. “What?!”

You slowly peek behind you and see a girl storming off; you actually recognize her, albeit she was younger then. She liked to help with your sets when you did plays, she’s cool. But yes you understand Ellie’s…caution towards her just staring, but! you don’t get the snappy attitude.

“What’s wrong with you?” You remark Ellie with a pointed look.

“What about her manners?” She counters.

You roll your eyes and catch your uncle's curious gaze at that moment, so you can’t help but smirk faintly now in response—he’ll get hell of a kick out of her, he just needs to get to know her.

“She was just curious,” Maria tries to explain. “Kids around here don’t usually look or talk like you.”

“Right.” Ellie nods. “Well, maybe I’ll teach them. And I want my gun back.”

Yeah that’s not happening.

“They also aren’t armed,” Maria says.

You set your silverware down and grab your cup of water, whilst your uncle interjects. “You know what? Uh, I think maybe y’all got a little off on the wrong foot.”

“She was gonna have her guys kill us,” Ellie snaps right away.

“Well, we gotta be real careful about who we let in this place,” your uncle explains. “But it’s all bark. We’re just tryna scare off those who might wanna try us is all.”

You sit back and sip your water, only choosing to hear the argument being had.

You wouldn't be as…uhm…bold as Ellie, but you also understand her uneasiness of this place and all those people. You were new once too; afraid of everyone and cautious of everything.

“Well, you got a couple of 90-year-olds shitting themselves out there. Not much of a superstition, is it y/n?” She argues with a pointed glare aimed at you.

What? What the hell did you do?

“Ellie,” your dad warns her.

“They say that you leave dead bodies around?” Ellie remarks to your uncle and Maria again.

Now your uncle glances at you and passes an amused look at you right as Maria answers Ellie just as quickly. “Those are the people that tried us.”

“A bad reputation doesn't mean you’re bad,” your uncle adds.

“Not always, at least,” Maria adds in, and you catch her pointed look aimed at your father; which only makes you begin to frown as things get awkward. At least for you since you know the context behind her judgment.

“Ma’am,” your dad cuts in thereafter. “We’re grateful for your hospitality and all,” he pauses and looks between you, your uncle and Ellie. “But it’d be nice to have a moment here, maybe just for family.”

Oh right, given your silent treatment, you never actually talked much about this place or about your life here to him—that makes things uncomfortable. So you slouch and put your cup down to stare at the water.

“Well, uh,” your uncle interjects as he straightens up on his chair. “Maria is family, actually.”

You glance over at them and offer them a soft smile, but when you glance over at your father and see his face of slight disbelief your smile falters.

Why does he look so shocked? It was going to happen.

“Oh, shit! Congrats.” Ellie adds, but you can’t tell if she’s being sarcastic or genuine—probably sarcastic giving she’s not really liking Maria.

“Joel, say congrats,” Ellie whispers to your dad like if he’s some kid that needs a reminder.

A moment of awkward silence passes before your dad says it back a bit dryly. “Congrats.”

Can’t say you’re surprised, he didn’t like Henry at first either.

“She’s the one that helped me get this one through her teenage phase,” your uncle says and pats your shoulder to give it a small squeeze.

You look up at the both of them and smirk before glancing at your dad.

“I can’t say she made it hard,” Maria adds. “She was good…up until she left.”

You scoff and look over at her with a smirk. “Mama,” you whisper. “Besides, I wasn't a teenager then, I was 22.”

“You acted like one,” she rebuttals.

You roll your eyes in a lighthearted manner and shake your head, while your uncle grabs your shoulder and interjects with a lighthearted tone. “How old are you now, Sunny? Old?”

You snap your eyes to him and get ready to spat back, but he continues. “You even have gray hair there.” He points to the side of your head.

Your eyes go wide and you pick up your spoon to see your reflection through it, but he begins to snicker.

“Oh wait, it's just dirt.” He laughs.

You scoff and push his arm off you. “At least I can wash mine off, unlike you,” you counter and use your eyes to point to the white hairs on his side.

He snickers and you glance away, catching your dads gaze and slowly frowning as you catch that same hurt look you caught earlier. Your uncle Tommy notices a glimpse of your tension and sighs before breaking it. “How ‘bout a tour?”

Maria nods. “Yeah.”

Once you’re all completely done with your food you step out again. And you're not obligated to tag along, you knew this place already, it was home, but you want to accompany Ellie until she and your dad get some place to go for however long they’re staying—or correction for however long she’s staying, who knows if your dad has changed his mind about letting your uncle take her.

If he doesn’t then….you’ll go with her and your uncle. Even if being surrounded by the tall walls of Jackson made you finally feel completely safe, and let you drop the habit of needing to look over your shoulder every few seconds. Here you also didn’t have to live on the edge hoping that some infected wouldn’t creep up on you, or some fucker wouldn’t jump you out of nowhere. But if it meant being her one piece of support after your fathers abandonment, then it would be worth it being gone for one more month. Just for her, not for your dad.

“We settled here about seven years ago, just a handful of us then,” Maria tells Ellie and your dad. “That section…”

Her words trail off as suddenly you’re startled by an arm thrown around you. And when you snap your head over to your side, Apollo is next to you with a smile on his face.

“What’s wrong with you?” You quip as you fall behind the others doing the tour.

Apollo snickers. “Just checking you’re not some sort of hallucination.”

You roll your eyes and look ahead again. “I’d be a pretty cool hallucination,” you mumble and catch Ellie glancing at you over her shoulder when she doesn’t see you near her.

“Yeah,” Apollo agrees. “Good thing you aren't though.” He moves his other hand toward you to offer you a piece of dry meat. “Jerky?”

“Please,” you scoff and meet his gaze from the corner of your eyes. “I’ve had enough of jerky for now.” You then begin to smirk and hold his gaze as you throw him a reminder. “Aren't you supposed to be working bum?”

Apollo shrugs. “I was, but again, just checking on you, and…” he trails off and holds the piece of jerky in his mouth to reach into his back pocket and pull something out. “…give this to you.”

He pushes his hand towards you to show the Mariah Carey Daydream casette in his hand. “For you,” he says as he pulls out the piece of jerky from his mouth.

Your grin immediately widens and your eyes twinkle as you stop to take it from him. “Oh my god,” you squeal. “Where did you find this?!”

Apollo steps back and folds his arms over his chest to shrug smugly. “I have my ways. But I thought of giving it to you for Christmas when I saw you, but then I thought, why not give it to her now as a welcome home present.”

You meet his gaze with a smirk. “You were thinkin’ of me?” You tease.

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?” He quips lightheartedly.

You shoot him a smirk, and he holds your gaze to mirror the gesture for a lingering moment before you look down at your gift and smile softly. Albeit, you then can’t help but step forward to throw your arms around him.

“Thank you,” you whisper and hold onto him tighter, feeling your heart flutter, and a warmth that wants to mend the bleeding gap that was on it.

“You’re welcome,” he whispers back and rubs your back softly. “I missed you, you know.”

You smile sweetly and try to fight the tears that threaten to rush out at the simple feeling of this embrace. “I missed you too,” you redirect softly, but suddenly begin to feel a twinge of guilt now stab at you as you feel comfort and yearning for him in his embrace.

“Mia is at home,” Apollo says and pulls back to face you. “I haven’t told her yet so it can be a surprise.”

You smirk. “I’ll make her shit her pants.” You snicker.

“I’ll see you at home later, yeah?” He queries in a way that makes it seem like he’s almost afraid you would leave again. “I have a bottle of tequila and a movie of your choice ready for you for later.”

“Can’t wait,” you assure him with a sweet smile playing on your lips.

Apollo begins to walk back and nods as he holds your gaze for a lingering moment before he turns and walks off to go back to work. You now put your gift away and catch back up with your group heading to the barn.

“Who’s that?” Ellie immediately asks once you’re by her side again.

You glance at her and scoff softly before you answer. “My…best friend, Apollo.”

Ellie scoffs and begins to smirk as she turns her head away. “Okay,” she mutters.

You squint your eyes in confusion and immediately press her hint of smugness. “What?” You giggle nervously.

Ellie shrugs before she glances at you and bats her eyelashes as she just simply repeats herself. “Okay.”

Before you can further question her she runs ahead of the group as they’re entering the sheep pen.

“Hey, Joel, check it,” Ellie now directs to your dad, and proceeds to mimic the sheep to tease him. You would’ve laughed but she was just teasing you so you keep quiet and follow them.

“So are you, like, in charge?” Ellie asks Maria.

“No one person’s in charge,” Maria says. “I’m on the council. Democratically elected, serving 300 people, including children. Everyone pitches in. We rotate patrols, food prep, repairs, hunting, harvesting.”

“Everything you see in our town,” your uncle adds. “Greenhouses, livestock, all shared. Collective ownership.”

“So, uh,” your dad interjects, making you glance at him. “Communism.”

Your uncle sniffles. “Nah. Nah, it ain’t like that.”

No it is that. Exactly that.

“It is that,” Maria corrects him. “Literally. This is a commune. We’re communists.”

You smirk, and end up sharing an amused look with your dad before you both glance back at your uncle stopped behind you looking a bit baffled.

“No way!” Ellie exclaims, making you drift your attention back to her and noticing her rushing toward a cute brown foal.

“That’s our newest one,” Maria shares. “Couple months old. You wanna pet her?”

You smile and rush towards the foal too.

“Yeah, what’s her name?” Ellie asks.

“Shimmer.”

“Shimmer,” Ellie repeats as she begins to caress the little baby horse. “You’re so beautiful.”

You lean against the gate and scratch the side of her jaw.

“Well, I’m sure they’d like a shower,” Maria adds on, correctly of course. “Some new clothes. We can put Joel and Ellie in the empty house across the street from us.”

You pull your hand away from the horse and peer over your shoulder.

“Yeah,” your uncle agrees. “It’s a decent place. Pretty much untouched since ‘03, but it’s got the heat goin’ in it.” He nods. “Could do worse.”

“Oh,” you add. “We have been.”

Ellie nods in agreement, but your dad quickly rebuttals you. “We’ve been doin’ fine.”

Yeah cause sleeping in caves and taking watches to make sure you won’t get killed is fine. Whatever man.

“Well,” Maria adds a bit awkwardly. “I’ll take Ellie over there if you two wanna catch up?” She suggests as she looks between your dad and uncle, making you look between both men with curiosity.

Only if you could go too just to snoop and know if your dad would go through with it. And to know how it’d actually go between them.

“Yeah,” your dad agrees and passes a look with your uncle. “Okay.”

“Joel,” Ellie whispers with concern.

“You’ll be fine,” he assures her and walks off with your uncle without another word, making her watch him as he did so.

“Come on,” you encourage her and grab her shoulder to gently nudge her ahead towards Maria

Ellie begins to follow, but spares one more glance at your dads retreating figure. Once he’s no longer in view she immediately questions you. “Where are you going?”

“Not far from where you’ll be,” you assure her. “Just down 2 streets, and then a right. I live in a yellow house with a white fence around it. I’ll be there.”

Ellie glances at the ground and frowns deeper, so you nudge her gently and continue to assure her. “You can come over after you’re done showering, if you want. If I don’t answer the door my friend Mia will, just tell her you came to visit me and she’ll show you to my room, yeah?”

Ellie lifts her gaze with unsureness but nods regardless to assure you she comprehends. “Yeah,” she whispers. “Okay.”

Once you see Ellie off you walk to your own house. A place you always hoped you’d return to, a place you longed for on cruel days. Yet when you’re there, past the white fences gate, at the doorstep of your house, it feels…fucking weird. Like some dream. A good dream you were scared to wake up from.

What if opening the front meant waking up? That’d be terrible.

But you can’t know if you stand there, so you let out a deep breath and slowly wrap your hand around the knob. You hesitate for a second and close your eyes to hope it isn’t some dream—fuck. You open your eyes as you turn the knob and slowly push the green creaking door open. And luckily nothing vanishes, nothing comes at you. You walk in and you don’t fall into some dark abyss; it’s warm, it smells like cinnamon and a Christmas morning. All the furniture you can see is the same, Christmas decorations greet you at the entrance bringing the holiday cheer to the house.

When you close the front door behind you and you take your shoes off at the entrance, happy tears fill your eyes, and a wobbly smile spreads on your lips. You’re home! Home!

You laugh softly with relief and feel tears actually rush out of your eyes.

“Who’s home?” You hear a familiar voice ask from the hall.

You wipe the tears off your cheeks and walk towards the hall in a giddy silence as you also hear footsteps approach. Once you make it under the hall's archway you stop at the same time your friend does only mere inches away from her.

You begin to grin brightly, while she stands there with her eyes widened with disbelief.

“Hi, Mia,” you greet her.

Said girl studies you, the dirty outfit you’ve worn for months, she studies your face and looks into your eyes in that stunned silence that paralyzes her. Meanwhile you give her time to grasp your presence and study her too; her hair is still short due to her fear of having it pulled by infected like when she was young, it’s still dyed like last time, and she’s remained ageless.

“Wh-how?” She stammers before she closes the gap left between you with an embrace that almost knocks you back.

“Hey,” you murmur happily.

“Apollo was just here,” she says by your ear. “He didn’t tell me anything.”

You laugh softly. “Yeah, he wanted me to surprise you.” You pull back and grab her shoulders. “I've missed you.”

Tears roll down her cheeks, and her smile wobbles. “I missed you too,” she redirects. “So much. I was so worried.” She hugs you again and lets out a relieved sigh as she holds you in her arms.

Along with Apollo and Atlas, Mia was one of your oldest friends too. She was a firefly like them and you, she was also your best friend. You all basically grew up together when you were with the firefly’s, you were all unbreakable.

��Did you just get here?” Mia asks and pulls back to turn you around and lead you away from the hall. “Have you eaten already?”

You nod. “Yes, I ate just a few minutes ago, and yes I just got here….with my dad actually.”

Mia stops, making you stop along with her. “What?” She queries and turns to face you. She looks into your eyes to try and read your emotions, but she instead questions you more. “How are you feeling about that?”

You let out a deep sigh that makes your smile falter, and simply shrug. “I don’t know…besides angry, I don’t know where I’m at, but I guess we’ll see won’t we?”

Mia hums and caresses your shoulder, and smiles a lot softer. “I’m so happy you’re back home. You must want to take a shower, and sleep, so I’ll leave you be.”

Yeah until maybe an hour later where she’ll be checking on you.

“Your room has been untouched so everything is in its place,” she adds, and now walks you around the kitchen to walk you to your room like if you’re new and need a tour. “You’ll just need a towel which are out in the closet, you’ll need blankets, I can get those for you, uh, a razor, new sanitary stuff, I can go…” she continues on but you tune her out as you open the door to your room. And as she walks forward you stop just in front of the doorway.

“….We can bake something later,” you tune Mia back in. “We can make your favorite for dinner, Apollo and Atlas should be home then”

She was right, your room was untouched, every piece of furniture was in its place, every decoration and accessory was left the same way you left it. There wasn’t even dust, and didn’t smell odd, which is probably thanks to Mia; your room actually smells like flowers, oddly enough.

“Yeah,” you agree mindlessly with a nod. “Sounds good.”

Your picture wall was still up and well kept, your posters aren’t ripped, it’s all clean.

“Okay,” Mia says as she turns to walk out of the room. “I’ll leave you now and go get that stuff. Need anything else?”

You follow her leaving figure with your eyes and shake your head. “Nah, but if you are leaving mind leaving the front door unlocked, a girl named Ellie might come over so if you aren’t here and I’m in the shower she can just walk in.”

Mia looks immediately curious over who you mention but she doesn’t probe now, she’ll do it later, you’re sure of it. “Okay, I’ll leave a note then.” She lets you know and grabs your door handle to begin closing it as she walks out. “I missed you.”

You shoot her a sweet smile and quickly counter. “I missed you too.”

She offers you one last smile before she closes the door behind her, letting you turn back to fully take in the fact that you’re now standing back in your room—it’s fucking unbelievble, it fills you with happiness and comfort. And as if it’s your first time you walk to your closet first and pull it open, you run your fingers along all the clothes that are hung up and smile.

If you could describe your room to someone, let’s say Ellie, in a few words it would be Old Hollywood meets vintage old money aesthetic—albeit a post apocalyptic version considering you can’t fully fill your room with all the things you want and need….

Sucks…

Anyhow, you then skip on forward to your brown and gold vintage round vanity mirror, and the first thing you notice that wasn’t on it last time is a bouquet of fresh flowers with a small note.

‘Welcome home - Atlas & Apollo’

You smile and tuck the note back to its place to then swipe your fingers across the counter, making sure not to touch the few perfumes and fragile trinkets you had collected. You then proceed to walk to the corner of the room to brush your fingers along the strings of your guitar as you walk to your shelf with music records, cassettes and movies; it’s all still there and now you can add another to your collection, thanks to Apollo.

After that you then walk to your picture wall to study every single picture with a faint smile. The one that makes you the happiest though is the picture strip of Sarah and you; it’s one you had taken in one of those photobooths. Alas it’s when you see the family picture of Sarah, you, and your dad that the happiness turns to sadness, and that smile falls to a wobbly frown.

What would be of your lives now if she had lived? What would she say about your estrangement with your dad?

Would she be mad at the both of you?

Probably.

You were a little family, you were too young to know if it was anything other than perfect, but it worked…you were happy then….

God you miss her….him too. He’s close, here now in Jackson, but it feels like you're strangers. Strangers forced to be together, forced to travel together. You miss him and your relationship. The man he was wouldn't return, but you’re okay with the man he is now, as flawed as he is you’re okay with him, as tainted as his past is you’re okay with him. But, what you are…are strangers.

——

A deep relaxed exhale leaves your lips as you find comfort on your mattress, in your clean clothes, and refreshed body after a long and deep shower.

Fuck that felt good, it’s like you took decades of dirt off you. It’s like you feel fucking lighter because of it now too. Maybe a week-long sleep would suit you well, maybe you can even hibernate like a bear, that’d be nice.

You smile to yourself and only sit up to put on your headphones, and turn your music on blast now that you don’t have to worry about what’s around you—You’ll go deaf your uncle Tommy and Mia would say, but who cares, it’s fun getting lost in the music.

That’s what you do listening to the cassette Apollo gave you. However, not for long because you then feel a nudge on your leg, and when you sit up there Maria is with a very deep purple jacket in hand.

“Hey,” you greet her as you pull your headphones down to your neck. You then look around for Ellie, but she’s not here. “Where’s Ellie?”

“I left her at the house,” Maria says. “I went to grab her this.” She lifts the jacket in her hand, and you scoff in amusement.

“It’s very purple,” you point out.

“Plum,” she corrects you and sits by you on your bed. “I just came to check on you, make sure you were settling in well.”

You sigh with relief and nod. “Yeah, it feels good being back home and showering, and changing clothes.” You let out a deep exhale and fall back on your bed. “I missed it, never let me leave for that long ever again.”

“I tried that the first time, you fought against logic,” she argues.

You shrug to brush her off. “Let’s call it an existential crisis, yeah?” You snicker.

Maria lets out a long sigh that means nothing good, so you sit up and narrow your gaze on her.

“What?” You immediately question.

Maria glances down and doesn’t hold back. She never did. “How did you end up with the cause of that existential crisis?”

Oh yes, you should've known she wasn’t going to leave it alone.

You blow out air and begin to fiddle with the string of your headphones. “We ran into each other at…KC. We were coming to the same place so we decided to travel together.”

Maria scoffs. “Months on the road and nothing seems mended,” she says. “Did he even try?”

You swallow thickly and shake your head softly. “No, but,” you add and pick at the fluff on your sheets. “It’s not like I tried either…if it wasn’t for that girl I don’t think I would’ve stayed with him.”

There’s a moment of silence before she picks on that. “Who is she?”

No one can know Ellie’s immune, as much as you trust Maria, it’s now up to your dad and Ellie to tell who they want, not you.

“A girl, some important firefly’s daughter he was ordered to deliver,” you lie and look up at her so she wouldn’t find you suspicious. “That’s all I know. He isn’t much for sharin’.”

Maria hums and doesn’t seem to find you suspicious so she moves on. Thankfully.

“Look, you’re an adult, you know what’s right from wrong, but you have too much of a good heart….”

You blink and avert your gaze to sigh.

“I don’t want to see you tormenting yourself any longer because of that man y/n—”

“He’s my dad, mama,” you cut her off with no anger or judgment, you cut her off quietly, sadly. “I can’t….” You pause and draw in a deep breath as you feel the need to cry slowly building up. “I can’t just,” you sigh, “forget him. No matter how much he’s hurt me. I can’t do that to him…or her…she’d be devastated.”

Maria carefully grabs ahold of your hand, making you lift your eyes to meet her soft yet hard gaze.

“I just don’t want to see you hurt,” Maria adds softly.

You offer her a comprehensive nod.

“Your uncle Tommy and I are always here, we’re here for you no matter what,” she continues and this time begins to caress your cheek. “You don’t need him. If those plants are dead there’s no need to waste water.”

You stiffen and draw in another shaky breath. You don’t add anything in his defense, you can’t come up with anything else to say but what you already put out.

“Whatever happens to that girl,” she adds on in your silence. “You protect her from him—”

Now you have something to say. “He’s not a bad guy,” you cut her off and meet her gaze with a pointed glare. “He’s just…tough because of what he’s lived through. But he’s not a bad guy.” You understand that now.

Maria raises her chin and doesn’t retreat. “He left you, his own daughter, tell me if that makes him good?”

You blink rapidly as you’re cut off guard by her comment.

“I’m just looking out for you,” she further explains herself. “You’re my family, I love you as if you were my own daughter which is why I just want to protect you.” She pulls her hand away and stands up. “And that girl doesn’t deserve to have her heartbroken by him.”

Maria then waits if you’d say something, but there was nothing you could add anymore, so you let her leave.

“I’m taking Ellie to the movies, enjoy the night with your friends, okay? And at night if it’s hard to sleep, the door will be open, you can sleep in your old room.” She offers.

You break your eyes from the bed to look at her in front of you and nod slowly. “Yeah, okay. Thank you.”

“If you don’t come tonight then come over for breakfast tomorrow, I can make pancakes.”

“Okay sounds good I’ll be there.” You assure her and offer her a very faint smile.

Maria walks to the door and lingers there for a moment before she walks out and closes the door behind you, letting you then throw yourself back to contemplate what was just discussed. She’s right about Ellie, but maybe he deserves time to explain himself to you, even after you said you’d be done with him. He deserves one more chance, if he doesn’t want to try and heal what’s broken then…you’ll stay true to your word and be done with him, for good…

You sigh and slide your headphones back on before flipping around on the bed to attempt and get lost in the music again.

However, now! Now…agony and grief slams back into you just as you were doing good today not thinking about Henry and Sam. All because of the stuffed giraffe on your bed that reminds you of them.

It happens all the time, one minute you think that you’ll get over it, that you’ll heal past that grief and let them be beautiful memories, but it hits you like a ferocious wave. And it’s hard to swim up when it does, you’re slowly drowning each time, sinking deeper and deeper. Not only that but looking at your dad everyday doesn’t make it any easier, there’s just more force that pushes you further down.

Funny and unexpected enough though, it’s been Ellie who has been such a….relief, a breath of fresh air, that ounce of hope that helps you get over the surface. Without her honestly it would’ve been hard getting back home.

Still…as of now it’s taking you again, that damned wave, so you take your headphones off and leave your music on the bed to instead grab the stuffed giraffe and walk outside to your backyard.

The precious meadow that you had grown is under a blanket of snow, much like everything else outside, so you can’t find a bit of bliss there. However, there is something new outside connected to the small white fence that surrounds the cement patio, a wooden bench swing with a canopy and all, hm.

It’s smooth, sturdy, and nice. Now you don’t have to get your ass wet on the snow. Maybe your uncle Tommy built it? Or maybe Mia’s boyfriend built it for her, he thinks himself a carpenter.

Whatever the case, you sit down and just ponder in the silence, watching the stuffed giraffe in your hands and thinking about them; about Henry most of all. You let time pass even as you begin to get cold, and don’t really come back to reality until you hear the backdoor close behind you.

When you sit up and look back you see your uncle Tommy walking to you.

You put the stuffed giraffe down and then beam at him. “Hey!” You greet him.

He offers you a sweet smile and pushes the gate open to walk over to you. “Hey, Sunny,” he greets back. “I’m sorry I let myself in, there was a note on the door.”

You shake your head and pat the open space by you. “Don’t worry about it,” you assure him and watch him study the bench with a smirk.

“Apollo built this for you, did you know?”

You blink in surprise and shake your head as your heart begins to flutter. “No, I didn’t.”

He hums and takes his seat, but rubs the armrests. “Yeah, he said that it’d be a good touch so you wouldn’t have to lay on the grass all the time. Or if you didn’t make it back home then it’d be hell of a memorial...it wasn’t really funny then,” he laughs softly. “But it is now.” He clasps his hands on his lap and glances at the stuffed giraffe before meeting your gaze. “He’s always had a sweet spot for you. He’s a good guy.”

You slowly grin and drop your head to nod. “I know.”

Is he implying something?

“Did you talk to my dad?” You probe and glance up at him. “You guys catch up?”

Your uncle lets out a deep sigh and nods stiffly. “Something like that. We…sorta got into an argument.”

You click your tongue and nod slowly in comprehension. “Sorta?” You probe.

“It wasn’t big but you know how he is.”

You nod. “Yeah,” you sigh.

Your uncle notices the frown and the sadness return in your eyes, so he presses you. “You, have you talked to him?”

You look on ahead at the snow covered meadow and shrug. “Sorta. We talked when we first reunited in KC, but after….after I just got mad at him all over again. I haven’t talked to him since.”

“Is that what has you all down?” He asks and hits you right where it hurts. He knows you too well.

Your eyes sting and your throat begins to feel all clumped up with all the emotions that rapidly build up, but you hold it back as best as you can and try to assure him. And yourself. “I..I don’t want to ruin today.” You offer him a strained smile. “We can talk about it some other day.”

Your uncle shifts in his seat to face you better and doesn’t brush it off. “I cleared up my whole day today for your dad, and for you. I have time to talk. Talk to me.”

He was never one to shy away from an emotional conversation, not with you anyway. Not like your dad. Your uncle Tommy was good that way, open and understanding. Not closed off and dismissive. You owe who you became through all the tragedy to him. It’s sad to admit but if you had been completely raised by your father you would have turned out like him perhaps.

Yet it’s quite hard saying what comes to mind. You part your lips to try and speak, but all you can muster is a shaky breath as you clutch onto the stuffed giraffe.

Your uncle doesn’t press you, he waits until you can finally mutter out.

“Can you tell me…” you pause briefly and glance down at your hands. “If somethings wrong….with me?” You ask in a quivering voice and slowly look up at him, catching his confusion and disbelief.

“My dad left rather than staying with me….and,” you continue through tears. “…the guy that I…loved killed himself rather than wanting to be with me. And I know it sounds selfish, h-he was just grief stricken, his little brother died….but we were partners…and,” you sniffle. “And he left me. So please be honest with me, tell me that I’m no good, that I’m a failure because that’s what I feel.”

Your uncle Tommy lets out a shaky sigh and immediately grabs your face to wipe away your tears and comfort you. “There is nothing wrong with you, baby, nothing. That guy…seems like he couldn’t handle what he felt, it happens, but you had nothing to do with it. And your dad,” he exhales and caresses your cheek. “Your dad did what he thought was best because he loves you. Losing your sister took a lot from him, but that doesn’t mean that somethings wrong with you, he loves you, and leaving was his way of showing it.” He says try and comfort you, and then pulls you in for an embrace, but you only sob more in the comfort of his arms.

You can hardly breathe, your chest feels heavy, your mind is racing, and your heart feels like it was going to jump out of you. Now you couldn’t hold anything back.

“I couldn't help him, he got bit and I couldn’t help. I couldn’t save Henry either, I should’ve just snatched the gun from him but I froze, and I couldn’t help him…just like I couldn’t help Sarah…” you spill out now through sobs.

Your uncle pulls back and grabs your shoulders to keep you close so you’d listen to what he had to redirect. “Sarah was not your fault, you understand that? There was nothing none of us could have done, especially not you, you were only 4. You understand?”

You keep your eyes averted and nod. But that isn’t enough for him.

“Look at me y/n,” he orders, causing you to slowly raise your eyes. “It wasn’t your fault. And I know I don’t know those people you knew, but one thing I am sure about is that it isn’t your fault what happened to them.” He wipes more tears off your cheeks and leans in closer so you’d listen intently. “You cry as much as you want, grieve as long as you need to, but you move on, you keep living for them. You understand? Don’t lose yourself, that’s the worst thing we can do. You understand me?”

You nod through heavy tears and get pulled into a tighter embrace that you sink into, that you bask in for a moment without saying anything. All until your heart slows down, and your head isn't filled with so much noise.

“Thank you uncle Tommy, thank you for listening,” you whisper and pull back to face him with a gentle smile. “I missed you.”

He offers you a sweet smile and wipes away more stray tears. “I missed you too, Sunny.”

You sit back and watch the delicate snowflakes begin to fall from the sky. You sit in silence next to your uncle with a much lighter feeling on your chest.

“I have to tell you something,” your uncle breaks the silence with an obvious nervous voice.

You blink and look at him with a teasing smile and a curious gaze. “What? Oh my, don't tell me…are you pregnant?”

Your uncle meets your gaze and doesn’t laugh even if you said it as a joke, he instead lets out a deep breath and just holds your gaze with the same nervous look that clues you in that you might have guessed right.

“Are you?” You ask seriously now and lean in.

He averts his gaze and nods, making you slowly begin to grin with utter fucking joy. “That’s amazing news, uncle Tommy!” You exclaim and jump off your seat out of excitement. “That’s like, the best news ever.”

Yet you couldn’t help but begin to feel just a bit envious. You were happy, excited, of course you were, but you couldn’t help but feel a smidge of envy. You never thought of that before, you never yearned for that, a family of your own; you were younger, hurt by your own issues with your dad, there was too much going on in your head to even think about that, you wouldn’t have made a good wife nor a good mother. But now after returning from your country wide trip, now after hearing that your uncle's family is growing, there’s this want growing in your own heart. There doesn’t even need to be a baby, but a partner would be nice.

“Why the long face?” You press as he doesn’t seem to match your excitement.

Your uncle sighs. “I'm just nervous, that's all. I’m very fuckin’ nervous, you know it’s going to be a whole human being. I just don’t know…” he trails off.

You giggle and sit back down next to him. “You have nothing to be nervous about, you’re gonna be a good father,” you assure him. “You might not be mine, but you were—are like one, and you did good.”

Your uncle meets your gaze with a soft look and a soft smile. “Thank you, Sunny,” he says.

You grin brighter at him and can’t help but get even more excited. “I’m finally gonna have a cousin, man. I mean I would have appreciated one like 20 years ago, 22 years ago, but I can teach them things now. I’m wiser now.”

He chuckles and then corrects you. “Sister,”

You snap your eyes to him and stiffen.

“You might not be mine, but you are like my daughter.” He says with a smile. “Mine and Maria’s.”

Your eyes water again, but you hold back your tears now and just laugh softly. “Can I hug you now, or do you want to celebrate with a shot?” You add.

“One wouldn’t hurt, but I’ll take that hug too,” he says and lets you throw your arms around him for a tight embrace.

“Thank you for telling me, I needed to hear some good news.”

He smiles and caresses your back. “I’m glad. I’m happy it made you smile.”

You giggle and pull back to shoot him another beaming smile.

He smiles now too and interjects. “Thank you, I needed that too. Made me feel better.”

You lay down on his lap and can’t stop smiling over the news. He sits back and lets his arm rest on you to enjoy each others presence and relish in the joy he brought.

“Don’t push me in the snow,” you warn him as he begins to make the swing sway back and forth. “I just took a shower.”

He scoffs. “Don’t give me ideas, ‘cause I’ll do it. Unless you’re gonna go snitch to your daddy now that he’s here.”

You giggle. “Don’t give me ideas.”

He slowly slides his hand to your back and applies a small amount of pressure, making you stiffen and hang onto the bottom of the seat. “Don’t,” you warn him.

“I ain’t doing nothin’.” He chuckles.

You turn and look at him with a pointed glare, but all he does is smirk mischievously. He then moves his arm back where it was so you turn back to face ahead.

Yet that’s when he gets you and pushes you off the seat, making you fall in the snow.

“Oops,” you hear him say.

You slap your hands on the cold ground, and slowly sit up on your knees to wipe the snow off your face roughly as you turn your head to glare at him.

“Go on,” he says with a stifled laugh. “Bring out your guitar so we can tune it up. Let’s make sure you haven’t forgotten that talent of yours.”

“Fine,” you grumble and stand up to brush the snow off your body. “I’ll get the bottle too.”

You’re only not getting him back because you just got back and because he shared that news with you. You’ll get him back though. Old fucker.

——

*LATER*

The tv played one of your favorite movies, but it played for no one since you and your friends gathered around the living room and got lost gossiping, drinking and playing some card game Atlas insisted on playing to make drinking “more fun”. That cinnamon scent that basked the room was pushed away by the smell of food Mia had made and the alcohol in your cups.

“That’s total bull,” you complain to Atlas about the number of infected he’s killed.

He scoffs. “You can’t say that, you weren’t here.”

You pull away from Mia’s arms wrapped around your neck to lean closer to Atlas. “That number is too high. I don’t believe you.”

Atlas shrugs. “Don’t believe me then, but I did kill that many.”

You roll your eyes and meet Apollo’s gaze to press him for the truth. He however shrugs and just shares a small smirk with you.

“I’ll let you off the hook and tell you how many I killed if you say the truth,” you suggest.

“No,” Atlas blurts and pushes you back to Mia with his foot, making you scrunch your nose in disgust. “You were out in the world, your number doesn’t count.”

“Sure,” you snicker. “You old vanity. You just don’t want me to beat you. You can’t take it. You’re too fragile.”

“Whatever,” he grumbles. “Can we just continue with the damn game before someone here talks about herself.”

You smirk. “I am a very interesting person. Just ask your dad.”

Atlas narrows his gaze and scoffs, whilst you and Mia high five.

“Okay, really did any of us get the number right?” Mia’s boyfriend asks to keep the game going.

You look between them all and shake your head. “Nope, you all drink.”

They all groan and Atlas is the one that mumbles of course. “That’s impossible.”

You watch them all take their shots with a playful smirk, but once you land on Apollo, your eyes linger and your smile softens. However, you then catch him shifting his gaze your way so you quickly look away and just feel his stare.

There’s something different about him now compared to before, the look in his eyes, his face maybe. He was never immature as his little brother is still til this day, but Apollo is far more mature than before. More handsome maybe—well he always was you just never gave it too much thought, you were far too troubled for that. And he was—is your best friend….

Damn….there’s that guilt stabbing at you again.

“Okay!” Atlas exclaims and sits up. “My turn, let’s change this game to the Apollo game.”

Mia groans. “Atlas that game is stupid. We know everything about each other—”

“Y/N’s been gone,” Atlas cuts her off. “So, let’s go on. Remember we make a statement about her and if it’s true she drinks, and you are then you drink, okay? Okay! Come on now SunnyD get up.”

You roll your eyes and sit up to drag yourself between Apollo and Mia.

“Okay,” he keeps yelling and does a drum roll on the ground. “You’ve been in love.”

Fuck.

You swallow thickly and get ready to answer, but a knock then raps on the door at that precise moment. Much to your excitement actually.

“Oh!” You jump up. “I’ll get it, you know how much I’ve missed actually answering a door without fearing for my life.” You run over to answer the door, and Achilles gets out of the couch to follow you to the door.

And much to your surprise once you open it you see your dad outside.

“Daddy,” you mutter in disbelief. “Hey.” You sligtly furrow your brows in confusion due to his very much vivid presence.

Your dad averts his gaze to stare at the ground and swallows thickly before stating his reason for this late visit. “Can we talk?” He asks.

Your heart skips a beat, and you grow speechless for a second. “Uh….sure, come in.”

He looks up at you and shakes his head. “No,” he says and glances past your shoulder to steal a glance at all your friends sitting in the living room listening in. “Can we take a walk?”

Must be important if he bothered to come all this way. “Okay,” you whisper and open the door wider. “Come in, I need to grab my jacket and my shoes.” You step aside and he shuffles inside awkwardly, causing the curious dog to sniff him before he runs back to Apollo.

“Uh,” you interject and walk to the end of the hall. “Now that you’re here, meet my friends from when my uncle Tommy and I were fireflies.” You point to Mia first. “That’s my friend Mia. And that next to her is Arthur, her boyfriend. Over there,” you point to the dark haired boy. “Is Atlas, and,” you shift your eyes to Apollo and smile softly. “That’s Apollo. Guys,” you breathe out. “This is my dad, Joel.”

Mia offers him a very faint half smile and simply waves, and her boyfriend does the same, whilst Atlas smirks and throws up a peace sign and a very quick greeting. “‘Sup.”

Gosh.

“Hi,” Apollo greets more properly, but stays sitting down. “It’s very nice meeting you Mr. Miller.”

You glance at your dad and see him just offer them a stiff wave and a dry greeting. “Hello there.”

Better nothing, and better than a gun to their heads.

“Okay,” you breathe out awkwardly. “I’m going to get my stuff.” You offer your friends a quick smile before you run off to your room to get what you need, whilst your mind races and spins with all the different outcomes to what could be said.

He doesn’t seem mad. Maybe it’s about his heart.

Or about choosing…no, it can’t be that. Positive thoughts only.

You let out a deep exhale before leaving your room to join your dad back at the entrance. “Okay,” you encourage him and throw a quick wave at your friends. “I’ll see you guys.” You open the door and walk out to the snowy night with your dad at your heels.

You expect to see Ellie waiting outside, but she’s not here, it’s only him.

“Where’s Ellie?” You ask as he now walks by your side when you exit your yard and now get on the street.

“Uh, she’s at the house,” he answers. “I just…wanted to talk to you. Alone.”

You shoot him a nervous glance and let out a small exhale. “Okay,” you whisper and grow even more nervous. “What’s wrong?”

You catch your dad scratching the back of his head and averting your gaze at all costs. “Just…just give me some time…I’m not that good at this.”

This doesn’t help whatsoever.

“Alright,” you whisper and glance at the falling snow as you take a turn to exit the street you lived on.

“I just,” he interjects and fists his hands. “I just need you to hear me, that's all I want, you don’t need to say anything, you don’t owe me nothin’. I just need you to hear what I have to tell you. Okay?”

You blink rapidly and nod. “Okay,” you whisper.

But he ends up taking another long moment to himself to think of the reason why he brought you out in the cold so late at night. You even pass your uncle's house, his own house that he was given to stay at. You pass lit streets, and only fill the silence with the crunches of your feet against the snow. You make it to the center of town where the large glowing Christmas tree brings cheer to the town.

“I,” he breaks his silence. “I’m sorry.”

You gasp softly and stop in your tracks as his words…words you never thought you’d hear, words he hasn’t spoken in a long time register in your mind.

“I’m supposed to be the one protecting you,” he continues and stops to turn around to face you. “I was the one who was supposed to teach you how to be the person you are now, I was the one who…needed to watch you grow up, but I…I let you down. I left,” his voice breaks. “I left you even if I knew your mother, even if I knew….Sarah would be mad. I left you, I hurt you…” his breath shudders and you can’t hold back your own tears now, no matter how much you wanted to fight them away.

“And I’m so ashamed of it,” he adds as…tears roll down his cheeks. “I am. But I don’t regret it,” he reveals and meets your watery gaze. “Because if I didn’t leave, you wouldn’t be who you are now, a strong, independent woman. You would only be angry like me, you’d be vain, and a monster.”

You shake your head against his words, but don’t say anything, you keep listening to him.

“I just wish I would have done things differently,” he mutters with more tears steaming down his face, tears that shock you to your core, leave you speechless and heartbroken.

“I’m sorry,” he says again in a tearful voice. “I am. There will never not be a day where I don’t regret how I hurt you.” He shakes his head and steps towards you. “And you have every right to keep on hatin’ me, to move on and not deal with me. I don’t blame you, I wouldn't. I just needed you to hear what I owe you.”

You let out a shaky breath and look up to watch the snowflakes dance down from the sky, littering the ground with their white icy texture, and making the ground twinkle against the street lights yellow hue, against the beautiful colors that wrap the grand green tree a few feet away from you. You watch the sky to take in all his words, to gather your own thoughts.

“I…” you murmur against the winter wind that blows past you. “I don’t understand,” you cry and look down at him, but his face blurs because of your tears, and the twinkling lights cloud him and your vision. “Why….why me? I….” you shake your head. “I love too easily…I don’t like to see the reality of things because it makes me sad, I dream too big and too much, I…I’m too boastful,” you sob.

“I’m not strong, I’ve never been. I’ve tried to change for you, I’ve tried to be a better daughter, one—one who you’d be proud of, but I can't, and you can’t ignore it…you can’t,” you shake your head with your quivering lip and step back away from him. “I’m not enough. I'm not perfect like Sarah was, I’m not…important like Ellie, I’m nothing,” you whisper. “You deserve better. You do.”

Your dad lets out a shaky breath and nods as more tears escape past his eyes. “It’s true,” he admits. “You might be a bit boastful, you might see the beauty of the world and hold onto too much hope, your dreams might be too big, but,” he quivers and takes a step towards you. “That is why I love you. I love every bit of it. I have loved it since the moment I held you in my arms for the first time. You…you are everything to me, baby, you are the reason I keep livin’, you are my entire world, and the beauty that this world lost. You are what makes all this worth it, you are everything to me.”

You scoff softly at his words and let out a shaky sob as you find them beautiful yet unbelievable.

“I’m sorry,” he says again and gets close enough so he can cup your cheeks. “I can’t do this without you. I can’t lose you too.”

You grab his hands, you hold onto them as you hold his teary gaze for a moment, before you throw your arms around him.

He’s caught off guard for a few seconds, but he then hugs you back and presses you against his chest and rests his head on yours.

You don’t have the luxury of time, neither of you, and you know you’d only hate yourself if something happened to him and you couldn’t say what you feel.

“I forgive you,” you assure him and hold onto him tighter. “I do. I forgive you.”

He lets out a relieved sigh and clutches onto you as his tears soak your head.

“Will you forgive me?” You ask, and he quickly pulls back to hold your face in his hands and look at you with confusion. “For not trying either. I should’ve tried too. And for that I’m sorry.”

Your dad quickly shakes his head and wipes away your tears. “You have nothin’ to apologize for, okay? Nothing.”

You sniffle and smile softly. “Still, I'm sorry, just take it, okay?”

He scoffs in protest, but nods regardless before he pulls you in for another tight and loving embrace, letting you find comfort in his warmth that wraps around you, and by the sound of his beating heart that eases as you hold him close to you.

“I love you,” he says by your ear. “So so much.”

You laugh softly and nod. “I love you too. I do.”

He gives you one last squeeze before you both pull away from each other and face the Christmas tree in a peaceful silence, hand in hand. You linger there until you remember what you have for him.

“Can I give you an early Christmas present?” You ask rhetorically.

But he still answers. “I don’t have anything for you, and well you shouldn’t.”

You scoff and turn to pull him back to your house.

“Look,” he interjects. “One more thing, about Henry….”

You blink and feel your smile falter.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.”

You swallow thickly and shake your head. “There was nothing you could do. Nothing any of us could do…” it’s sad to admit now, it tears your heart apart, but it’s true.

“But,” your dad continues. “You’ll be okay?”

You glance over at him and hesitate a moment before you nod softly. “I will. With time. The best thing we can do…is move on.” You know that now after the talk with him, he lifted that weight off you, and helped you from drowning under the depths of the suffocating waters. “As hard as it is, as impossible as it may seem now, we have to live for them, because we don't have the luxury of time….so that’s the best thing we can do, right?”

Your dad lets his eyes linger on you for a moment before he smiles softly. “I would’ve never thought of that…it’s sweet.”

You smile softly and hum, leaving the rest of your walk to your house silent. Once you do reach your house, your friends are still out, but calmer. “Excuse me,” your dad directs at them as you make him follow you to your room.

“Now I didn’t have time to wrap it, but it’s the thought that counts,” you tell him and turn the light on in your room. And luckily the gift is easy to find on your vanity.

“This room is…very you,” your dad comments as you hear him walk over to the corner of your room where your guitar is. “You play better now?”

You scoff and snatch the disc from your vanity to turn and face him. “Yes,” you admit. “I mean I'm not as good as you, but I’m better than I was before.” You grin and then close the gap between each other to hand him his favorite movie, Curtis and Viper 2.

“I never payed much mind to it before, but I watched it for the first time a couple years back, and it’s not bad,” you share. “That is the movie though, right? All I could remember were the funny men from the cover.”

Your dad looks down at the disc in his hands and immediately smiles. “You’re right,” he assures you, letting you let out a relieved sigh. All this time you thought you’ve been wrong—“It’s a great movie,” he adds. “Where you find it?”

You smirk. “I found it in the tunnels at KC. I just never got the chance to give it to you. You like it?”

He meets your gaze and nods. “I love it, baby. Thank you.”

You smile sweetly and clap softly out of joy. He notices your smile and his smile softens.

“It’s not that late yet,” you add, “even if it looks so. My tv works….I can pop it in. If you want.” You suggest.

Your dad doesn’t hesitate—he can’t turn you down, so he nods. “Go on, pop it in.”

You squeal softly and take the movie from him to now head to your small tv. “You can lay on the bed, just take your shoes off.”

He hums, and as you’re putting on the movie you hear your bed sink and shoes thump on the ground. And as overjoyed as you are, someone comes to mind and brings your mood down slightly. Yet you don’t bring her up until you’re laying down next to him watching the previews play with your head on his chest, finding comfort by the sound of his heartbeat and his arm around you.

“About Ellie,” you bring up without shame, hoping he’d be honest. “What are you goin’ to do?”

Your dad lets out a deep sigh and you feel him swallow thickly. “I’m not the man I used to be,” he admits quietly as he caresses the side of your head. “I’m old now. You know that, I’m…not strong enough no more, but…trust me when I say I'm going to do my best by her.”

He’s right about being old, but is he right about letting her leave?

You can’t let her leave with just your uncle Tommy. You know that heartbreak too well, and you know your dad has the best intentions, you wouldn't have seen that yourself before, but hopefully she’ll see it with time. If that’s what he wants. You can’t force him to do anything.

“Alright,” you trust him. “But whatever happens, I’m going with her, I’m seeing her off. For her and for what she can mean to the firefly’s and humanity,” you say softly. “I owe it to Sam, to everyone else that I’ve lost to that infection.”

Your dad lets out a deep breath. “That’s fine,” he says. “That’s good. Your Uncle Tommy plans to take her tomorrow morning. It’s a week's ride.”

You just got home, but fuck it. One more trip and that’s it.

“What about you?” You probe. “What will you do?”

He stays quiet for a moment and watches the movie finally start. “I don’t know.” He breaks his silence.

You sigh softly. “That’s fine,” you assure him. “Just…do what’s best by her, and you. Okay? Promise?”

“I do,” he whispers. “I promise.”

You smile softly. “Good,” you whisper.

——

*THE NEXT MORNING*

Flashlight?

Check.

Extra clothes?

Check.

Books to read?

Check.

Multiple pairs of fingerless gloves that keeps your hands warm but helps with other purposes?

Check.

New cassettes to listen to?

Check.

Every other little thing that goes in the backpack?

Uh….check!

Weapons?

Need to check those out, but it’s all here. Good. You get off the edge of your bed and once you’re at the door you make sure to be quiet since it’s still pretty early and neither person living here gets up just yet.

However, as you quietly step out of your room you almost run into Mia waiting outside of your door with her arms over her chest, and her dark eyes piercing your very soul—she’s pissed. She knows.

“Mornin’,” you greet her with a small smile.

Mia doesn't return it, or return that same energy. She remains pissed.

“Don’t,” she cuts you off. “Don’t smile at me like everything’s okay.”

She might be shy and gentle, but she’s no one to mess with when she’s upset. Like now.

“You’re leaving again.” She knows. How?

You lose your smile and let out a deep sigh. “Yes,” you admit. “I am but not for long. Maybe just a month this time, or even less. I just need to see someone off.”

Mia shakes her head and her brows furrow deeper. “Can’t someone else do that? You just got home from a 2 year trip. A trip you probably barely survived…”

“Mia,” you interject to try and comfort her concern, but she continues and drops her arms to her sides to take an angry step towards you.

“No. No! We waited, I waited for you for 2 years, everyday I prayed that you wouldn’t meet the same fate everyone else did; my mom, my brother. I waited and now you’re leaving again.”

You swallow thickly and quietly mention who you’re going with this time in hopes that would help. “I’m going with my uncle Tommy. I’ll be back, I came back this time. I promise.”

“No, that’s no excuse—”

“And you can’t make me stay,” you cut her off this time. “I appreciate your concern, I do, but I have to see this girl off, I have to make this worth something…I lost people Mia, a guy I loved, and his brother who I adored…he got bit….” You pause and swallow back thickly. “If taking her might be worth something I have to do it for them.”

Mia seems puzzled by what you said since she doesn’t see the bigger picture, but she doesn’t argue now.

“I’ll come back,” you assure and take another step toward her to take her hands in yours. “I promise. I won’t leave after that. I’ll stay home. Just one more trip.”

Mia drops her gaze and hesitates before she nods softly and whispers, “okay. One more.” She then pulls her hands away to wrap you in an embrace. “Come back, okay?”

You return her embrace and nod. “I will,” you assure her. “I swear.” You give her one gentle squeeze before you pull away to offer her one last smile before you continue your way outside.

Yet, of course, as you walk past your yard, there, against the fence is Apollo with a backpack, and Achilles waiting next to him. How the hell did they know you’re leaving?

Did they overhear?

“Apollo?” You question and come to another stop.

Achilles runs to you and rubs his body against you before sitting by your side now, while Apollo turns to face you as he drops his folded arms down to his sides.

“I can get the horses, you check out the weapons.” He peels away from his spot and steps off the sidewalk, whilst you just look at him in disbelief.

“Hold up, where are you going?” You interrupt him.

Apollo stops in his tracks and just peers back. “I’m going with you and Tommy.” He mentions it casually.

You blink in disbelief and let out a breathless laugh. “What?” You shake your head. “Why?”

Apollo turns around completely and looks almost surprised you’d ask such a question. “I accidentally overheard you and your dad talking on my way to bed last night—”

Sure. Accidental.

“I'm not sitting on my ass here while you’re off risking your life and having all the fun—“

You scoff softly.

“Besides,” he adds in a softer voice. “I don’t want to wait for you to come back home again. I’ll go with you this time.”

You breath traps in your throat out of disbelief over his words, and a soft smile begins to appear on your features. “That’s nice,” you tell him. “Very…but…I can’t be who you want…not yet at least. I lost someone, someone I loved, someone I fell in love with. It’s still a fresh wound, ” you scoff as your eyes begin to sting. “I can’t be who you want, or what you want.”

Rather than being hurt, or upset by your words Apollo smiles. “I loved someone too. I was in love with her too. It hurts too. But,” he adds in a soft voice as he takes a step towards you. “I’m not asking you to be my first love, nor do I want to be yours….we can be each other's last, whenever you’re ready, I’ll wait.”

Tears fall past your eyes and you can only whisper. “Okay.”

He grins, but you step back again. “But I can’t make you come with us. I don’t want you to. Your brother is here, your dad,” you insist. “They need you alive.”

“I can die here too,” he interjects. “It doesn’t matter, y/n, I would go to the edge of earth with you. I would’ve had you asked me before.”

Your heart skips a beat, and you can’t help your smile. But as nice as his words are to hear, the answer remains the same. “What if I want you to wait for me here?” You say and now get closer to him. “So you can greet me when I get home. So I can have something to look forward to. A light in the dark.”

“That,” he chuckles softly. “Is the cheesiest thing ever.”

You laugh and nod in agreement, stopping now as you’re only inches away. “Yeah, but will you?” You querie.

He holds your gaze and offers you a soft assuring smile. “I already did, what’s another month or so?”

Your grin widens and you immediately throws your arms around him. He immediately returns the embrace and nuzzles his head on your shoulder.

“Be careful, okay?” He adds.

“I will,” you assure him and linger in his embrace for a moment longer. “You take care too, promise?”

“I promise.”

You smile and pull away to cup his cheek, he offers you a soft smile before he raises his hands to unwrap his scarf around his neck to instead carefully wrap it around yours.

“There, nice and toasty.” He murmurs.

You giggle and hold his gaze for another moment before you pull away before you couldn’t bring yourself to leave, and turn to walk to your uncle Tommy’s house now. You want to look back, but you don’t, you can’t, it’d only make you feel bad for leaving, so you just feel his stare and walk away. You can’t even give it too much or else you’ll feel bad too, you just clear your mind and walk.

Once you make it to the street where your uncle lives you catch him walking out of his own house. He spots you right away, and is rightfully surprised by your presence.

“What are ya doin’?” He asks once you meet halfway in the middle of the street.

You shrug. “Makin’ Maria even more mad.” You glance at his house and nod slowly. “Goin’ with Ellie, and you. Leaving, one more time. And don’t you dare fight me, I’ll fight back.”

Your uncles lips pull into a soft smile and he scoffs as he nods. “Okay then,” he doesn’t question you further, he respects your choice without a fight.

You glance at his house again and sigh. “No pancakes in there, is there?” You ask with a bit of hope.

He shakes his head. “Nope.”

“Well It’s a good thing I ate beforehand then.” You turn and begin to walk to the house Ellie and your dad were staying at. “Wanna go fetch her?”

He nods. “Yep.”

As he goes inside you wait outside and think about your dad now. He said he was going to do right by her, you trust him, but is he really not going to see her off at the gate or even just outside the house? You said your goodbyes last night just in case, but what about her?

“Y/N?” You hear Ellie’s voice as the front door closes behind her.

You lift your head, and offer her a sweet smile and a small wave. “Hey.”

She stops by you and studies you for a moment in this soft shocked reaction before she probes. “Are you coming?”

You nod and begin to follow after your uncle as he leads the way. “Yep. I’ve been gone from home for two years, what’s another month or so?” You tell her. “Besides, I don’t want to miss another hell of an adventure.” You smirk at her, and she offers you a soft smile. “Is that okay?” You make sure regardless of the relief you read on her face.

“Yeah,” Ellie says without hesitation. “Yeah.”

You offer one more smile before you skip ahead to walk at your uncles side. “Stables and then can we get my rifle and pistol? I’ve felt like I’ve been missin’ something all day. It’s weird.”

He peers back and then glances at you to nod. “Of course. How did it go with your friends? Have fun?”

You nod and begin to get ahead a bit. “Yeah. We had fun, we ate some food, we drank, watched Pulp Fiction—which,” you say and look back at Ellie, “we need to watch by the way, when we get back. Sorry, have you watched it?”

Ellie shakes her head. “I never have, no.”

You smirk. “Great movie. You’ll like it, I’m sure of it.”

“Is it romantic? I prefer more action and scary movies.” She says.

You scoff and shake your head. “Nah, it’s not romantic. You’ll like it, trust me.”

“You make a play based off that too?” Ellie comments, making your uncle chuckle.

You shoot her smirking face a narrowed glare. “No,” you deadpan. “I didn't. I couldn’t bring myself to do that to that movie.”

“No but seriously,” your uncle interjects. “Once we come back you need to tell her to make a play, they’re all surprisingly good.”

“Of course they are,” you quip. “And! What is that supposed to mean?”

He smirks. “Just surprisin’ that’s all. Don’t know where you get that talent from.”

You hum and shoot him a pointed glare, and leave at that as you see the stables coming up ahead.

“I get my own horse right?” You ask and run up ahead.

“You’re sharin!” Your uncle exclaims.

“Beats walkin’!” You comment and slow down as you enter the pen. And rather than waiting for them to catch up you walk in the stables to start getting the horse ready.

Albeit, just as you walk in you stop right away as you catch your dad saddling a horse. You know what it means; he changed his mind about staying. So instead of diving into questions you just smile at him as you meet his gaze, and look back as your uncle and Ellie walk in.

“You come here to say goodbye or something?” Ellie asks in an upset tone.

“No,” your dad says. “I came here to steal one of these horses and go.”

He could’ve just asked.

“Well,” your uncle interjects. “I woulda gave you one.”

Your dad pats the horse's neck and looks at his brother. “I know,” he says. “Anyway.” He glances at Ellie. “That was 30 minutes ago, and I guess…” he pauses and walks to Ellie to continue. “You deserve a choice. I still think you’d be better off with Tommy—”

He gets cut off suddenly as Ellie shoves a blue bag of supplies so he can hold, and retorts. “Let’s go.”

Your dad glances at you before looking back at Ellie and adding, “okay.”

Silence follows so you move past them to saddle your own horse since three don’t fit on one. Your uncle helps so the progress moves on faster, but as he does you come to the realization that now he won’t be coming. The only reason he was going was because your dad wasn’t, but now that he changed his mind your uncle stays.

“I’ll make it back before the baby is born,” you break your silence.

Your uncle looks over at you and shoots you a smile. “You better.”

“I’ll make it back before my birthday too,” you add with a playful smirk. “So you better start plannin’, you’ve been let off the hook for 2 years now.”

“You come back and I’ll throw you the biggest party you’ve had,” he feeds to your demand.

You smile softly as you feel sadness in your heart knowing you have to leave him again. “I’ll hold you to it.”

“Wouldn’t expect it any other way.”

You giggle and finish up saddling up your horse to then meet up with Ellie and your dad outside the stable.

“General direction?” Your dad asks your uncle, but he looks to you instead.

“She knows it, she can lead the way.” Your uncle points out. “You remember the school, right Sunny?”

You nod as you caress your black horse's neck. “Yeah. I remember.”

Your dad nods in comprehension, and once he looks back at his brother in front of him they quickly move in and embrace each other. It’s short but sweet, and makes you smile with joy to see that they’re doing okay.

It’s not like it was before, but the love is there.

“There’s a place for you here,” your uncle tells your dad once they’re apart. “For Ellie and you.”

“Countin’ on it,” your dad says, letting your uncle now look at you again.

“You come back now, understand?”

You shoot him a smirk. “Have to. Can’t miss my own party.”

He smiles and lets his eyes linger on you to take in the sight of you one more time.

“Can I borrow that?” Your dad interjects.

Your uncle breaks his gaze away from you to glance at his rifle before meeting your dads gaze. “Yeah.” He accepts and then slides the gun off his shoulder.

“‘Cause Maria took mine, you know?” Your dad says.

“I already said yes, Joel,” he retorts as he hands your dad the gun. “Adios, big brother.”

Your dad offers him a nod before finally moving out. And once you collect your own rifle, pistol, and other supplies you may need, you climb on your horse and head on out. One more time.

But, this time with not such a heavy heart, or a tormented mind.

——

*LATER*

The sound of the gunshot rang against the secluded grass field, and the sound of the bullet breaking a tree trunk echoes out, making you snicker at Ellie’s failure to shoot the close target.

She chooses to ignore you though and shoots again, but once again misses and hits a small pile of snow near the target. And this time you smile at the ground as you shift your position.

She does it a third time, but no luck, so she lets out an annoyed sigh that lets your dad comment. “Wide right.”

Ellie shakes her head in denial.

“You’re flinchin’,” you comment, and unfold your arms off your chest.

“The targets too small,” she rebuttals you and your dad.

“I made it bigger than I should’ve,” your dad mentions and points to the gun. “Eject the cartridge.”

Ellie does so and the bullet falls to the ground first before she argues back. “And I’m not flinching.”

You and your dad share a teasing look before you hum. “Mm-hmm.”

“The rifle just sucks,” Ellie keeps mumbling.

You roll your eyes, and your dad steps forward. “Okay, give It.”

Ellie hands the rifle to your dad with a sigh and another comment. “It doesn’t aim right.”

You crouch down beside your dad as he switches spots with Ellie, and hum again with a little playful smirk on your lips. “Mm-hmm.”

“You’ll see.”

“A deep breath in,” your dad says as he gets the gun ready. “Slow breath out. Squeeze the trigger like you love it.”

“Mm,” Ellie hums as she looks through the binoculars.

“Gentle,” he continues and lowers his head, and closes one eye to look better through the scope. “Steady…nice and slow.”

“You’re gonna shoot this thing or get it pregnant?” Ellie retorts, making you snicker as your dad looks up at her with a disapproving look.

“It isn’t gonna work. It doesn’t aim right,” Ellie continues, so your dad then hits the trigger gently and the bullet hits the target straight on, causing him to lower the gun and look up at her all cocky.

“You dick,” Ellie quips with a grin.

Your dad shrugs smugly, causing you to snicker at Ellie.

“2 out 2?” You suggest smugly.

Your dad smirks and happily hands you the rifle, making Ellie shake her head in disapproval.

“Watch carefully, kid,” you comment as you scoot further in the middle.

“Don’t get the gun pregnant,” she quips.

“Haha, funny,” you mumble and eject the cartridge as you close one eye and aim at the target. “Now…” you trail as you hit the trigger, and the bullet whizzes out and hits the target inches away from where your dad hit it.

“See,” you taunt Ellie and lift your head. “Can I get a bump?” You offer her your fist.

Ellie scoffs lightheartedly and pushes your fist away. “No,” she grumbles, so your dad gently taps your fist with his.

“You guys suck,” Ellie scoffs and turns around to head back to the horses.

You snicker and push yourself to your given height, and hand the rifle back to your dad to quickly catch up to Ellie. “You just need patience,” you assure her and look around the fields. “You’ll get the hang of it.”

Ellie glances at you and then looks back at your dad following at your tail. “Did it take you time?”

You sigh deeply. “Not much, but it’s not because I had much of a choice, I was forced to adapt, forced to learn everything quickly to survive. It’s not super easy for you, but you have it easier, you’re used to all this shit since you were born in it, I wasn’t.”

“So you’re saying I can be better,” Ellie comments.

You glance at her and scoff as you nudge her to the side. “Sure, practice and then we’ll see.”

Ellie smirks and nods in comprehension. Once you reach your horses you continue on ahead down your path, filling the day with silence at times and conversations that come up at other times. Due to the horses it was faster to get around the land, it was also less stressful since they can pick up sounds neither you might hear.

Luckily though they didn’t catch anything bad, no infected or people, the path was clear and the day was easy, making for a calm night in the spot you settled down at.

“Now that we have time,” you interject and grab your backpack from behind you to plop it down in front of you. “I have a Christmas gift for you Ellie.”

“What? Really?” Ellie queries curiously.

You hum and open your backpack. Since what you have for her is placed on top you look over at her sitting to the side of the campfire and add on. “I gave my dad his Christmas gift early, so might as well give yours early too.” You shoot her a smile, and she glances at your dad with slight shock before getting up from her seat to sit next to you.

“Now keep in mind,” you continue and now begin to pull out her gift. “I didn’t have time to go into town to actually shop well, but I do hope you like it.” You fully pull out her gift and hand it to her. “And it’s not wrapped either so sorry.”

Ellie’s smile turns timid as she takes the brown leather holster from you, but she soon grins once she figures out what it is exactly. “No way!” She exclaims and stands up to hook it around her hip. “A thigh holster!”

“Now you don’t have to be scared about shooting off your ass,” your dad comments.

You giggle and nod in agreement as you watch Ellie now tie the last strap above her knee. “Cool,” she mumbles and tucks her pistol in the holster before quickly sliding it out and pointing at the empty space between your dad and you—“Fast move,” she mutters to herself, and then spins the gun around her finger to try and insert it back in the holster all swiftly, but the gun hits the ground instead.

“Jesus, Ellie,” your dad snaps.

Ellie stifles her laugh so as to not piss your dad off and picks up her gun to put it back. However she then finds the tip hits against something inside so she pulls out the gun and digs her fingers inside, and pulls out a leather necklace with a small piece of wood carved into a neat circle with a butterfly burned onto it. On each side of the necklace, over the wood are small wooden beads.

“Is this…” she pauses and her smile softens as well as her eyes. “Is it for me too?”

You nod. “Yeah. The necklace is adjustable so you can have it where it feels comfortable.”

Ellie grins softly and turns the small wooden pendant and smiles wider.

“It has my name on it—did you do this?” She asks.

You scoff and shake your head. “Nah, my friend did. I can’t do that.”

Ellie looks back at the necklace and shifts her eyes to the other thing around it, something small, thin, plastic and shaped like a dull triangle. “What is this?”

You glance over at your dad and let him answer. “A…guitar pick. Uh…I figure that once we go back to Jackson you’ll need a hobby so you won’t get bored, so I thought maybe you’d like to learn how to play a guitar.”

You smile wider and look back to Ellie, seeing her eyes only twinkle brighter. “You play?” She probes.

He nods. “Haven’t played in some time, but yeah, I do. I taught y/n a bit. I can teach you if you’d like.”

Ellie nods quickly. “Yeah, that’d be cool. I’d like that. Thank you, the both of you. I’m sorry I don’t have a gift for you, y/n.”

You shake your head and assure her. “Don’t worry about it. You can make it up for my birthday. My uncle Tommy is throwing me a party.” You share with a sweet smile.

“Oh is he now?” Your dad probes.

You glance at him and nod. “Yep. You guys are invited by the way.”

“I’ll think about it,” your dad teases you, making you scoff and roll your eyes.

“By the way,” Ellie interjects as she ties the necklace around her neck. “Why does Tommy call you Sunny? Is it like a middle name or something?”

“A nickname,” you tell her. “But I don’t know why exactly he does, he just does. I’ve never asked.” You shrug.

“He says it because,” your dad cuts in, causing Ellie and you to look over at him. “Back when y/n was a little girl she always had a Sunny disposition, she was always smilin’. As a little baby she was easy to make laugh too, so one time this song by some 70s band with the same name began to play, and he got it from there.”

Ellie smiles. “Sweet,” she comments, whilst you grin and miss your uncle all over again.

At least this time it’s not as bad as before though, because at least now you do have your father, and are closer to Ellie, so they make it all easier now. They make the long days of riding that follow a lot easier, and even make those days seem quicker. Especially because Ellie has a lot of questions regarding the time before.

Like now for example, as you’re riding on horseback through the woods she breaks the peaceful silence with a question. “So the way they ran stuff in Jackson, was how things used to be?”

“No,” your dad answers this question. “The country was too big for that. Back then there were basically two main ways of lookin’ at things. Some people wanted to own everything.”

“Mm-hmm,” Ellie hums in comprehension, and your dad continues.

“And some people didn’t want anyone to own anything at all.”

“Which one were you?” Ellie asks.

“Neither,” he says. “I just did my job.”

“Which was…” Ellie trails off as she thinks, and glances at you since you had told her once before. “Building?” She asks.

“That’s right,” he answers. “Houses, stores, that kinda thing. We were called “contractors”.”

“The contractor,” Ellie says in a deep voice, making you grin down at your handle—“that’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah,” your dad adds on. “We were cool. Everybody loved contractors.”

Really? Hm.

“Nice,” Ellie says and proceeds to rest her head on his back.

You try to think if he’s right, but you were too young before to know otherwise, and your uncle Tommy never said anything against it so your dad must be right.

“This has been ‘Construction corner with Joel Miller’,” you quote in a deep voice.

Ellie and your dad look over at you, and you laugh.

“It’s what Tess used to say.” You let Ellie know, and remind your dad.

Ellie smiles and then adds her own bit. “The Contractor!” She mocks in a deep voice.

You smirk. “The Contractor!” You mock as well. “Joel the Contractor.”

Ellie laughs and repeats what you said. “Joel the Contractor.”

Where is Tess? You may have not known her long, she might’ve scared you a bit before, but she was nice and cool. You’d ask, but you didn’t want to sour the mood, so you went on going without knowing.

Eventually the day turns to night and so as to not exhaust yourselves you camp for the night; this time in a place deeper in the woods.

“Okay,” you add as you stare up at the starry sky. “So if you could name 3 songs to describe yourself, what would it be?”

Ellie hums, and you glance over at your dad that has his back turned to Ellie and you.

“I wouldn’t know,” she mutters.

“Okay,” you nod. “Then to describe each other.”

You have three perfect songs for Ellie.

Ellie goes silent for a second before interjecting loudly in defeat. “Fuck, I don’t know!”

You giggle, and unexpectedly your dad interjects when he’s supposed to be sleeping.

“Three? For you, y/n, Uptown Girl by Billy Joel, Sunny, and,” he pauses and begins to laugh.

“What?” You probe and flip around to face his back. “What other song?”

“That song you sang for my birthday 20 years ago, by that one rapper named after two quarters.”

“Oh god,” you grumble and flip back around to face the sky. “I thought you forgot that! That’s so embarrassing!”

“Wait?! What?!” Ellie exclaims and flips around to face you and your dad. “What song is it?”

“I don’t know,” your dad says. “Tell y/n to sing it for you.”

“Daddy,” you warn. “Don’t.”

“What?” He chuckles. “It was cute, I told ya it was. She,” he continues and looks over his shoulder. “She dressed up as me that day; she wore one of my shirts, put on this fake mustache, and sang this rap song as one of my birthday gifts. It was great, one of my favorite gifts by far.”

You slap your hands on your face to hide your embarrassment.

“Really?” Ellie probes with a snicker. “That’s nice. Do you remember the words, y/n? I’d love to hear them since you know, I’m not that well up to date about the world before.”

Guilt tripping you? Not nice.

You don’t fall for it, you shake your head. “No!” You deny her, and pull your hands off your face to pull your sheet over your face as you drag yourself further in your sleeping bag. “This is over goodnight!”

“Come on!” Ellie presses you, and you can practically feel her grin. “Just one verse!”

You ignore them and pretend to be asleep. They both then try to press you, but you stay defiant and don’t give in. They eventually drop it after relentless teasing, so the night passes, a day does too and so on until finally that day comes when you’re finally close to your destination.

“Here we were,” you say as you bring your horse, and the other two to a stop in front of the intersection. “We’re here.”

“Well,” your dad interjects. “How ‘bout that? Made it in five days.”

“Easy days,” Ellie says, and you keep on moving now towards the city. “I don’t know what Tommy was so afraid of.”

“Still time to find out.”

“Still time to find out,” Ellie mocks your dad using a deep voice.

You glance over at her and scoff in amusement, while your dad shoots her a hard pointed stare.

“The contractorrrr,” Ellie whispers creepily.

You laugh and play along too. “Joel the Contractor.”

Ellie lets out a chuckle and repeats what you said. “Joel the contractorrr.”

You both share a laugh that’s quickly cut off by your dad.

“Quiet, the both of you, we’re going to enter the city now we don't know what lies ahead.”

You stifle your teasing smile and assure them. “Nothin’, the city isn’t wiped out from infected, but it’s not bad considering it’s where the firefly’s come to. Same goes for stragglers and groups. We’ll be on the clear if we head directly to campus.”

“And that’s where they’ll be?” Ellie asks with no laugh or smile now.

When you steal her a glance you see slight fear and worry, so you do your best to come off confident. “It's where they stay,” you assure her. “They’ll be there.”

Hopefully….

.

.

.

A/N- Why can’t the Miller’s just eat pancakes and be happy? Anyway don’t forget that gesture of reader laying her head on Joel’s chest, it’s gonna come back and bite everyone in the ass iykyk

Tagged- @slut-f0r-u @star-wars-lover @traceylader @givemylovetoall @itzagothamcitysiren @sammy-13 @beloved-reblogger @emiriia @rues-daya @sunfairyy @littleshadow17 @mcu-starwars @bigtuffswordboy @riaqiax @dheet @queenofthekill @joliettes @d4rno @dgraysonss @rana030 @punisherinthealps @pedropascalluvr41 @ahoyyharrington @beaniebeensbaby201 @maeneedsabreak @maelartasch @adristyles @daughterofthequeen @alastorhazbin @ririvilliams @khaylin27 @hypatia93 @hummusxx @v4mpyk1tten @1donoow @your-shifting-gurl

[the-music-maniac]

Because of this,I have a cracky ff7 fanfic idea. Or just a funny idea in general. This is legitimately one of the stupidest things I've ever thought up. Do not take it seriously. I haven't slept in two days.

I didn't play all the games yet so if this is inaccurate don't come at me. It's supposed to be stupid anyways lol.

I'm gonna say this happens before Sephiroth kills Aerith cause I love her, so this is the time when all his damn clones are running around tryna get the black materia. Meteor hasn't happened yet.

There's a portion of the population post Nibelheim that form a cult surrounding worshiping Jenova (alien, trying to summon a meteor, lauds themselves as a god, low hanging fruit here. And before you try to tell me it wouldn't happen I want you to look me direct in the eyeballs and try and tell me there aren't people that would worship the source of their own destruction) They also have a following for Sephiroth since Jenova kinda just operates through him. There is a question of how they know about Jenova bc I don't actually think the general population is super aware of what's happening as it's going on, so like. Let's just say hearsay and misinformation and stuff about the promised land blah blah, creates an inaccurate picture.

A bunch of things occur in succession, including but not limited to:

1. The rapid spread of wildly inaccurate origin stories of Jenova and Sephiroth that people argue over. The actual origin story is deemed as the most inaccurate of them all. Literally no one in the cult believes this one, even though there is evidence. This both confuses and annoys Cloud and Co., who should theoretically be the ones to consult on this, but sure whatever, believe the guy who hasn't showered in five days with a tinfoil hat on over the group trying to save the planet.

2. People start passing out hilarious pamphlets and flyers on the street. While the notion of the cult is infuriating, most people just view these individuals as crazy and ignore them. The cult doesn't exactly hide that they think a meteor would somehow lead them to the promised land. The pamphlets have hilarious depictions of what Jenova supposedly looked like. This is sometimes accompanied by a picture of Sephiroth that was clearly cut from old Shinra propaganda posters and haphazardly glued into the pamphlets.

3. This happens during one of the lulls when Sephiroth is off doing his own shit. He isn't aware there is a cult initially.

4. Sephiroth is bewilderingly uncomfortable with the weird cult and very confused as to why they remind him of the silver elite cough cough not that he remembers. He would like to just kill them all and be done with it. Jenova does not let him, because she thinks they might come in handy. Son, if they are willing to hand us this planet why would you turn them against you? Make this easy for yourself. Sephiroth does not pout or whine about this. He does not.

5. More people join the weird cult. It is purely because Sephiroth is hot.

6. The rapid growth of the weird cult starts to actually hinder Sephiroth's ability to get shit done. He's monologuing at Cloud, one of the members interrupts his speech to pledge eternal devotion to him. Can he kill the guy? No, mother says get him to do your bidding. He needs to socialize more, you catch more flies with honey. Why though, he's perfectly damn capable of doing his own bidding thank you very much. Cloud is hovering awkwardly because his Zack instincts are telling him it's poor etiquette to stab a guy when he's trying to shake someone off the hem of his cloak.

7. Shampoo and conditioner sales spike sharply. Supposedly the cult found the old files compiled by the silver elite. Go figure

8. Half the members of the cult seem weirdly keen on helping Cloud due to Sephiroth's fixation on him. The other half is passive aggressive (jealous???), but harmless otherwise. Cloud's not sure how to react to this, so he just chooses to not deal with it entirely.

9. Mother, please just let him get rid of some of them. Like. 30% of them at least.

10. People start selling merch. There are posters. There are donation boxes. There are more godforsaken pamphlets.

11. Very little of the cult is educated on materia use or knows what the black materia looks like so their helpfulness is minimum. They keep handing Sephiroth black rocks. He's still not allowed to kill them.

12. Back in my day I managed to wipe out the Cetra by convincing them I was on their side blah blah. Sephiroth does not care. Someone just chucked a black rock at his head because he was flying and they couldn't reach him to hand it over.

13. Aerith, the person who actually has any form of connection to a goddess, finds this entire thing hilarious. She keeps taking the damn pamphlets that members hand to her. Cloud's convinced she's collecting them now. Like trading cards.

14. Sephiroth murders President Shinra. This information gets out somehow. Now all of the cult is convinced Shinra is the root of all evil and is hellbent on ensuring its downfall. Barret and Yuffie begin to look at the pamphlets with a worrying amount of wary consideration in the eyes. Sephiroth frankly couldn't care less about the details but it is kinda nice that they're trashing it all on his behalf.

15. A Sephiroth bodypillow goes into circulation. Call Seph old fashioned but he's pretty sure that's a form of blasphemy. Is this how people treat Gods? Maybe he's quite fine not becoming one. He's still not sure how people are finding this many black rocks to give to him. Some appear to be going with the principle of 'size does matter' and have attempted to give him black boulders. Wtf is he supposed to do with that.

16. Someone hands him a pot of pumpkin soup. Is it coincidence? Did this information survive somehow? Did some asshole tell the tabloids when Sephiroth was still Shinra's weapon? He doesn't know but now he's holding a damn pot of pumpkin soup with a blank expression on his face. It is obvious to everyone but him that he's trying not to cry. Cloud is once again hovering awkwardly in the background trying not to show how uncomfortable he is with the entire situation.

-----

I want to make it clear that this isn't some ploy for the cult to help out Cloud and Co. under the guise of worshiping Jenova. No. They are genuine in all of this. They truly believe they're helping. And it's fucking up all of Sephiroth's plans in the most hilarious way. He feels like he's been saddled with a group project with a bunch of incompetent teammates. Not unlike how he felt anytime he did paperwork in Shinra.

And I dunno how it happens but somehow this leads to Jenova being destroyed and the planet being saved.

And also Sephiroth being saved. I don't care if it doesn't make sense, or if he deserves it, I want him to be happy. This is my idiotic crack post, it is happening.

Btw despite the origins of this idea, I'm not making a commentary on real life religious groups and/or cults so don't take this post as such.

[anyasathenaeum]

omg thank you !!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you make write about "Vash & Wolfwood his wife didn't know she pregnant" the write beyond my expectations its cute and silly both of them.

😂😂

oh and some one request about vash bonding with the kiddos. can u make version about please wolfwood how big daddy girl he is and protective to his litter 🥺🥺 ?

once again thank you for you wrote it !! i love you write (really) 🥺❤️

A/N: Absolutely I can! I saw another lovely person request the same idea so they're both through this! Some girl dad Wolfwood headcanons coming up! Also sorry it's been a little bit between postings - my life is gently crazy atm

Warnings: AFAB!reader in this one, continuation/extension of previous request

So, as per these headcanons, I can absolutely see Wolfwood being a girl dad to twin girls

He would absolutely pass out during their birth, but he also becomes smitten by them the moment that they're placed in his arms - the two little girls who, in an instant, become the most important thing in his life (asides from and in addition to you)

Wolfwood would be the kind of dad who would outwardly seem cool, calm and collected, always laughing or not taking things super seriously, but inwardly? Man is PANICKING.

It's obvious from the time your little girls are babies - the sweat on Wolfwood's face as he holds them close to him, rocking them so gently as if he's afraid they'd shatter if he moved too quickly too suddenly gives him away

As does the split second of panic that crosses his face whenever one of the girls hits themselves or gets hurt or begins to wail - man is panicking internally and lowkey overthinking things until whichever of his baby girls got hurt is back up on her little chubby toddler legs and smiling as if nothing happened

Sometimes, Wolfwood ends up talking softly to both girls, telling them stories in the dead of night when he's woken up from his own nightmares and can't sleep - it calms his heart and soothes his soul in a way nothing else does

He would never admit to this, of course, so the only way you know this is because one time, you woke up in the middle of the night and Wolfwood wasn't next to you. So, you went to check on the girls, and sure enough, Wolfwood was there, softly speaking to his babies as he gently stroked their cheeks as they slept happily in their cribs, lulled by their dad's voice

You never let Wolfwood know that you knew he did that, granting him that little private moment of peace

As the girls grow older, Wolfwood would happily banter with his girls - they'd be as feisty and more quick-witted than the two of you put together, always getting into some kind of mischief

Wolfwood would be the grumpy kind of dad who his daughters would absolutely try to annoy and tease and poke fun at, even from the time they're toddlers

Like he'd be out on the porch, smoking his cigarette, only for him to hear giggling from around the corner and he sees both of his little girls pretending to smoke too with a piece of chalk or something as the cigarette, just like their dad

"Hey, hey! Cut that out, (Y/N) will skin me if they see you two doing that! You tryna get me killed?!"

He tries to remain calm and collected as he says that, but the girls can easily see through his mask and know dad's panicking and they scurry off, giggling mischievously

Wolfwood's love and protectiveness over his girls is evident to anybody who witnesses him interacting with them

Especially as the twins get older - the glare that Wolfwood would send to anybody who dared get even a little too close to one or both of his girls would be withering

You and Wolfwood both would teach your baby girls to be absolutely lethal if it came down to it - they'd be trained to defend themselves and can absolutely hold themselves in a fight

I feel like the twins would inherit their dad's ability to appear calm and collected even when bad things are going down, and they definitely inherited his smile

It's a bit uncanny when all three of them, Wolfwood and both girls, can hit you with the same smirk (definitely makes you wanna pull your hair out sometimes)

Wolfwood would be so proud of his girls, but he's just a bit too proud himself to show it sometimes (you've definitely caught him getting teary-eyed over something your girls did, only for him to cough and brush you off)

"I'm not crying, the hell you talkin' 'bout, sweetheart? Just got somethin' in my eye!"

Bottom line - Nicholas D. Wolfwood loves his girls more than anything, and would give anything to ensure they're happy, loved, and safe in a heartbeat

Taglist: @ryuukami4, @spacioussoul, @iceoblivious, @yuudofu

[nevereverthem]

Gotham : Season 1 Episode 3

Earlier than I thought, here I am watching the third episode of the show.

Honestly, I can't wait to see what happens with Oswald because dude kidnapped a guy to ask for ransom... that he did not get. 🤣😭 I'm still not over the mother not believing it AT ALL.

My silly little crush wants to see Alfred so much! 🙄 I'm also all for having Brucey in his emo phase as I like to call it. I know that's not it, but just the 10 seconds frame of Bruce listening to metal-ish singers while doodling on a piece of paper was 🤌.

Selina is going to save her ass, but that sucks for the other kids though! She is one of the main characters, of course, but the other kids got their ass sent upstate! Don't you forget about that. 🥲

Anyway, here we go.

"There's a war coming..." Aaaaahhhhh! Honestly, starting the episode with Oswald's voice as a 'previously in Gotham' sort of thing, warms my heart. 😌

Gotham's streets... A bus... Oswald Cobblepot in a freaking pullover! Man is gonna be wearing a suit most of the time in the future. Let's enjoy these precious moments of him in casual clothing. 😌 The SMUDGE BLACK MAKEUP!! I know the man's got dark undereyes from exhaustion, but still.

Dude sees : Kids stealing a wallet from someone's back pocket. A cop taking money from an old asian guy. A man stealing a woman's bag. Prostitutes proposing their services to a person in a car... And all that Oswald is thinking is "home, sweet home". 🤣🤣😭😭

Okay, the story starting with a rich guy (Ronald Danzer) who did some shit. He's out on bail and plans on paying for his freedom and sneaking out to escape any problems. Like dude! That is sadly a great representation of how it works in real life too... 🙃

Balloons! And did you see that pig mask!? Foreshadowing I guess!? 😏

Oh MY! Cuffed to a balloon and being pulled up in the air!? That's so cool & terrifying at the same time. 😱

💥 INTRO TITLE 💥

Not the same punch as Oswald stabbing someone in the neck, but we'll settle for it.

Jim! 😍

"No body. We're calling it a murder?" I mean... If the guy went up until there was no oxygen available and died... I suppose it is. 🤷‍♀️ We'll see. Or, if he went that far up and then fell... He probably died from the fall... somewhere. So, it would be a murder.

For once, agreeing with Harvey. The man kinda got "what he deserved". I mean... It's a bit strong... But he probably ruined lots of people's lives so...

Bill Cranston... Switches so fast to being angry to having a hypocritical smile on his face... Dude. X) Okay, so the guy does interviews by beating people down with a little statue? I... 🙃

Hey, that's what I said! Two people killed themselves because Ronald Danzer ruined them...

Oh! Jim bringing up the Mario Pepper case! Ah!

Selina! 😌

Did she really steal Harvey's PEN!? 🤣🤣

Selina "I can see in the dark" Kyle. x) Kitty cat Kat

I don't know why, but Jim and Selina facing eachother with both hands on their own hips just makes me laugh. x)

Selina cuffed to a staircase. Legit... She's using the pen she stole to free herself from the cuffs? Damn! Plus, payoff!

Jim in the sewer. Yuk! Shoes in dirty water.

"Son of a bitch! She was telling the truth." 🤣 (Reminds me of Dean from Supernatural iykyk)

"Oh, Detective!" in Selina's sing-song voice. 🤣🤣 How she throws him back the cuffs in the sewer!

Jim's groan of frustration. 🙄

Fish! Oh no, Lazlo got beaten hard damn. 😮

Fish directly telling Montoya and Allen that Jim killed Oswald. Bitch! 🤣🤣 I mean, great move though. That's technically what happened, although he didn't actually do it. I love when the 'bad guys' tell the truth and it does serve their interests.

"Jim Gordon pulled the trigger, but who gave the order?" Yeay! Mama tryna bring Falcone down!!

"I just want justice for little Oswald." 🤣🤣 I would believe the earth is flat more than that blatant lie! 🤣🤣

Speak of the devil... 🙄

Oswald counting coins... What did he do with the guy he kidnapped? For real, are we ever gonna know? I suppose he killed him, but I would like to get some real answers. 😅

Pocket knife. 😭😭 For food at least...

"Hey, Cobblepot! You're supposed to be dead." Fuck! I wasn't expecting that.

"I'm afraid you have me confused. My name is Dimitri-" Still, the way he talks... 🥵 Plus, did he try to pull off a fake accent? x)

Oh no! Each time Oswald pleads not to be killed is... 😮

"I couldn't stay away. Gotham is my home. It's my destiny. You don't see what's coming. I do. Gotham needs me. I'm its future." Dude sounds like a cult prophet. 🤣😭 He's right though. Foreshadowing at its MAX. x)

Ouch! Achilles tendon! 😮 Killed. By the way, how Oswald manages to get rid of guys who should have physical dominance over him always impresses me.

His teeny-tiny walk! 🐧

"Can I have a tuna sandwich please?" Aw, he can be so soft... when he's been so violent ten seconds before. Bro! 🙃 I love the callback to episode 1. The first time he slits the throat of a stranger to steal his sandwich. The second time, he kills a bad guy, takes his money and actually buys the sandwich. 😌 Can someone draw Ozzie eating a tuna sandwich? 🥹 I just love seeing characters do every day activities. 😌

Waynes' manor! 😍 Okay, I might just like little Brucey ☺️ and crush hard on Alfred. 🙄

Alfred teaching Bruce fencing? Aaww.

"En garde." Aaaahhhh! I know it's the actual term for the sport practice, but each time a character says a french word, I just melt! 🫠 I am french, so just hearing my language makes me somehow proud! And boy... I'm wet. 🤣🤣 Kidding, alright. But it's AWESOME!! Plus, that's Alfred who says it. 🙄🥰

And how is the actor so good at manipulating that cane (used as a replacement for the foil)!? I'm so impressed!

By the way, that scene must have been so much fun for Bruce's actor at the time. 😌

Alfred apologizing to the armor he accidentally hit. 🤣

*Alfred hitting Bruce on the thigh or butt, not sure* "That's gotta hurt." BITCH. 🤣🤣

How did Bruce got the police file of his parents' murder? Okay, he said it wasn't hard. I suppose he just payed them. But how? I don't know if he has access to his money on his own. He's 11. Doesn't he have to get Alfred's authorization or something because he is his legal guardian? Anyway. 🙄

Bruce "If I find a clue, I am" Wayne. 🥲

Jim scrapping mud from his shoes with a paper knife? x)

Montaya straight up asking Jim about him killing Oswald. Not wasting time with innuendos. Effective.

"I didn't kill him." Which is the ACTUAL TRUTH! That's the best part. x) He is both praised and condemned for something that he did not do! I like that SO MUCH! x)

Oswald searching for a job.

"You don't even have the right shoes." Him directly looking down behind at one of the staff's shoes and grinning evilly... Is he planning on killing for SHOES now!? 🙃🙃

By the way "Here, you're on your feet all day." Me, thinking about his bad leg. 🥲

Jim and Harvey arguing about the whole situation of the Waynes' murder...

"For the last time Gordon, let it go."

"Or what? Am I gonna be the next person taken out to the pier to get a bullet in the head?"

AH! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

OSWALD!! You actually really... The shoes. 😭😭

"What size are your shoes?" Blabla "What a coincidence!" 😭😭 His laugh. 😭😭

I CANNOT.

That reinforces the feeling that I have about the fisherman's sandwich scene... That was not Oswald's first murder... Surely not... And if it was... Dude's taking a long way down... 😭🙃

Right now, I'm just thinking about Oswald telling his story to Edward, like the very first steps he took into his villain career... That would be something. 🤣😭

The interview.

Oh, 4 balloons... Who are gonna be the three other supposed-to-be victims then? 🤔

"47$?" - "You're a disgrace to drug dealers." Okay, chuckled a bit. 🙄🙃

Cranston!? OMG, I did not even recognise the guy. 😱 Honestly... I don't really mind... We saw him once... But I don't think he really deserved the balloon thing... Man... That's tough...

Attached by the ankle is worse though.

In the night with a lot less witnesses too!

ALFRED! 😍😍 No, I won't shut up.

Bruce reading the newspaper. Yeah, totally doing that at 11. 🙃

Bruce, GIMME YOUR BREAKFAST! 😋 The lil' flower though. PLEASE!

"What's the new program? Trying to see how long you can go without eating anything? If that's the case I should save myself the trouble of making it." 🔥 DAMN! 🔥 I love how he doesn't miss a moment to shoot! x) By the way, Alfred... You can make breakfast for me. 🙄 Breakfast in bed? Breakfast in your bed... in OUR bed... 🙄

Alfred is trying SO HARD. 🥲😭

Gun holder, the gun, the tie, Jim's gaze straight into the camera aaaahhhh!! 😍 Man's going into battle!

Barbara! 🥰

"[newspaper talk] It says he killed a cop. You're not in danger, are you?" GIRL! Your man is a cop... in GOTHAM. He is in danger every second of his life!

"Everyone has to matter or nobody matters." -Jim Gordon. That did something to my heart. 💔❤️���🩹

Barbara calling Jim a "hero" because he caught Mario Pepper for the Waynes' murder... That hits hard...

Jim talking about the fact that the balloon man's targets are dirty public figures... And Harvey going "Basically any elected official should stay indoors." is so legit. 😭😭

"Listen, one thing I know is how to find someone." Harvey chatting with prostitutes... I mean, he's not wrong! They can have a lot of informations. Tough job it is! Then he beats a guy down... Typical Harvey. 😅 Stopping to get food. TYPICAL HARVEY! That was the fastest summary of his character. x)

The SHOES. 😭😭 Oswald...

Him realising that he's been hired in a Mob boss owned restaurant! 🤣🤣 His FACE. 🤣🤣 Sorry Ozzie, but you deserve it a bit. "Don Maroni!"

"Great opportunity indeed." Oswald... I can't with him. x)

Harvey got so much informations about the guy they're searching for... Okay, I have to admit that's a damn skill! Respect.

DAMN! Harvey 'woman-handled', thrown around. I appreciate that. Sorry. 🙄

Lazlo being actually worried about Fish is so cute. 🥺

What!? Bitch is getting rid of some girl I didn't understand... AND Lazlo. I... 😭

Barbara. Oh hi Montoya!

Montoya HAS THE KEY!? DAMN!!

OMG yeah, Barbare is smoking... weed I suppose. Okay okay... 🤔

Talking about Jim...

"When we were together I did lie to you." I KNEW IT!! Former lovers! Aaaaahhhh

She's talking about being sober for a year etc... What she did blabla... What did Montoya DO!? 😮

Failed attempt at a kiss. I saw that coming. RIP.

Barbara being with another person (Jim) who might also be lying to her... The pattern is repeating itself... Girl must be feeling so down.

OMG the balloons are gonna pop? It's gonna rain bodies? 😭😭 Imagine you're going about your day and then a dead body falls from the sky... 😨

Totally what happened. The woman who died though. RIP for real... 🙏

A church guy being the third victim? Not surprised... 😅🙃

Maroni talking about Arkham!! I'm so excited!!

Obviously, Oswald listening in the background...

New name : Paolo. He's really trying, but he gets it wrong. x)

He's lying about being Italian on his mother's side, "the side that he claims", but the truth is that he actually does love his mother. Half lies. x)

Maroni just gave him money out of the blue?

The little talk about starting from nothing and making yourself by working hard etc... FORESHADOWING!! 😌

"Gotham is the city of opportunity." Hum... Shouldn't it be 'Gotham is the city of crimes'? x)

"Honestly sir, I didn't hear anything at all." "Atta boy." YES!! That's actually the ONLY way to react when you are asked if you heard ANYTHING! 😌

"Go take care of your mother, Paolo." That would be so sweet... but you know... x)

The walk! I like the fact that even when we just see his upper body, Oswald's actor actually always does the walk! I mean, that's part of the character so you HAVE to do it, but like, you notice it, you actually do notice it, and I love that about him! 🥰🐧

The guy actually hiding in the former juvi facility. Meh, can't be smart about everything. Gotta catch the guy 9 minutes before the end of the episode ya know. x)

Is it a TRAP!? Like for Harvey, or Gordon? 😮

Oops. Harvey's been caught.

Harvey pleading his case to the killer saying that he's thankful, that he's doing them a favor. Great defence. 🤣🤣

Oh my God... The killer's talk though... He's so right... Public figures almost never pay for their crimes... So he did justice himself... I feel that man...

Jim's conflicted because he knows that the man's right...

FUCK!! The whole man's speech!! This is the premise of Jim's morality path... Damn it!

NNNNNOOOO! Harvey cuffing the guy to the balloon was a fucked up move! Jim grabbing the man! Please I hoped he would, but damn he's flying in the air with him now. 😭😭

Jim didn't want to let go and begged (ordered?) Harvey to shoot the balloon instead! THANK GOD! Jim, you're doing so good there. I know you're gonna go somehow dark later, but for now... freaking thank you!

The landing on the top of the pickup must have hurt though. 😅

Falcone!!

OMG Natalia was Falcone's "girl"... 😮 That's the one Fish ordered to get into an "accident". 😭

Arkham again... Damn.

Btw, Fish's makeup. 🤌

Damn. Who's the guy's last target?

Bruce's "He killed people too. That made him a criminal." Okay, let me get this straight. I don't condone murder, but I get the idea that sometime you need to be a bad guy to do good. Imagine if killing that guy now would prevent a hundred innocent people to be killed. Killing is not something right to do, but in that context, you kill one to save the others, you know? What I mean is... It's a tough subject, but if killing one person saves a lot of others... And I mean one actual bad person against kind of good people... and I don't really mean "good people", just people who actually did not do terrible things, you know. I don't even know if I would be capable of doing something like that, but the self righteous belief that killing is bad in every context... I don't think it's true. Anyway.

Alfred with his APRON. 🫠 Make me dinner too. 🥰 Please. 🙄🥰

Alfred witty remarks. x)

Bruce is EATING, finally dude.

Jim, home, must be full of bruises, damn. The man struggles to sit down. He didn't break a bone because it's a tv show, hum. 🙄

Barbara concerned again. 🥲

Seeing Jim's face... It's like he's really been 'moved' by the balloon man's speech. It's like an electroshock. I feel like he's about to tell Barbara about Oswald. 🤔 (he did not, oops)

"I want you to know that you can tell me anything." BRO! She's giving you a chance to come clean. I mean, technically you are clean, but ya know.

"This city's sick. Sick in a way I hadn't realised." For real though. 🙃 Harvey told you in the first episode. 🙃

"Doesn't matter" That's the 'last target'? Disappointing, but I get it. That also genius 'cause basically the guy only had 4 balloons, but there's way more people that would 'need' to be cuffed to it...

Jim's speech on people, justice, the law... 👌

Barbara wants to believes him so bad! Girl's crying!

OOOOHHHH, the knock knock knocking... Tell me... I think I saw that... That's him right? HIM!?

OSWALD!! 🎉 In a SUIT!! I told YOU!! (Btw, did he buy a new suit with the money Maroni gave him ? Or did he take his suit to dry-cleaning to get rid of the blood stains? Just wondering 🤔) He wanted to look good for Jim. 🙄 Let me fantasize. x)

"Hello, James. *huffs* Old friend." AAAAHHHH!!

He's already calling him 'old friend'. 🙃🙃🙃🙃 I guess throwing you into the water, instead of shooting you, makes him somehow closer to a friend than an enemy, but... 🤣🤣😭😭 The AUDACITY!! x)

Jim's face. Oswald's smile. AH!

Jim had a freaking day... and it's not over. 😭

FUCKING HELL. MY GOD. I... AWESOME.

I don't even know what to say... Just... My brain's not working anymore...

[Okay, a tiny bit disappointed that we didn't see Edward this time, but I know there is going to be a lot of him in the future. So that makes up for it.]

1. Alfred did not say "bloody", not even once, in the whole damn episode!! 😮 I'm utterly disappointed!! 😔 But I still like him, of course. 🙄🥰

Late additions, two hours later, when my brain decides to function again :

Like, comment, loose your shit with me... It's your choice!!

2. Barbara will at least be relieved that her boyfriend is NOT a liar (not really yk) nor a murderer. Because here he is : Oswald Cobblepot, flesh and blood!! 😌

3. The fact that Barbara is BI, BI, BI! 🎶

Looking forward to the next episode!! 🫶

[daemon-in-my-head]

So, about the Tywin Lannister parallels, hear me out. Yeah, it's a long one buckle up. Also GoT/ASOIAF Spoilers tho I'm tryna keeping it on the low.

Tywin is deeply convinced he's doing the right things, and objectively speaking, he isn't even completely wrong. He did save and elevate his family's name, and he's constantly cleaning his children's messes. Was the red wedding a rather vile move? Yes. But did it also save countless lives from a war that could drag on for months, years, if not decades? Also yes. He's incredibly manipulative, and he's not above using the perceived weakness of someone else, like their children, against them. He already rose to one of the highest positions but he's still constantly trying to increase his influence and conquer more Houses, more kingdoms. He's pretty much fighting his battles with words and threats rather than swords, but he won't shy away from picking one up or getting blood (and gore) on hus hands if the need arises. And it works. He's a scary and yet oddly charming and a beloved villain.

And that's kinda like the BG3 Tyrant. Both Tywin and Gortash are beloved villains in part because they're so human. Because they're so convinced that they are doing the right things and once again, objectively speaking, they are. They come with a motivation that is oddly understandable because both of them do what they do out of a desire to be safe and protect rather than being evil for evils sake.

The patriars of Baldurs Gate were deeply corrupt with hardly any of them not falling on the lawful evil spectrum. Gortash's massacre was a win for the regular and poorer citizens of the Gate because their main oppressors had been removed. If you objectively look at what this man did or attempted to do, while still utterly vile don't get me wrong, his actions did have "positive" goals or effects.

The Steelwatch did strengthen security. Employing the Temple of Bhaal did reign in the murders and kept them to "useful" targets that were pieces of shit anyway, using the Absolute and threatening the gods had the effect that they took action for once, see Elminster, the Chosen or former Chosen in your camp, Jergal who's just chilling with you, etc. Did he threaten you at the Coronation despite being able just to stomp you? Yes, which was very nice of him actually because he so didn't have to. Nobody there would've batted an eye if he had outright killed you. Did he supplant and remove a different underworld organisation, namely the Knights of the Shield, from the Gate and its environs entirely? Also yes. Give him a few more weeks and he would've probably gotten rid of the Zhent and some parts of the Guild as well.

Is Gortash convinced that he's a Hero? Yes. Does the common folk think of him as one? Also yes, and once again they aren't entirely wrong, they heavily profited from what Gortash did.

It's this humanisation of villains that works and draws a fan base in. It's the reason why Durgetash works because it shows that this vile being has a very human side that is still very much capable of affection, similar to how the man that couldn't smile was known to do so for one specifc person. The patriars and common folk siding with him strengthen his image of a perceived hero because, well, he is. He thinks of himself as one and isn't wrong because people see him as one. It's kind off the Tywin and Arya ark, but make it BG3.

And the amount of people drawn to Gortash or Durgetash despite there just being crumbs is a testament to the great concept of the characters. They didn't go full out, and he doesn't need a proper arc like Ketheric for people to still flock to him. Cuz human villains who think themselves righteous are beloved. They're understandable. It allows you to emphasise with them, just like it does with Gortash or Tywin. A lot of people value their own safety and that of those they deem close or their family. Nobody wants to live being the laughing stock. They make sense in their motivations.

Bonus; if you know Tywins backstory it resembles that of Gortash quite a bit. 2 great power-hungry men who would go over corpses with the most significant parental issues you've seen in media. And both dying the most perfect but anticlimactic death possible.

[bonefall]

how does the tribe journey in po3 go in your rewrite? ive struggled to hell and back tryna justify it in my own

You know how a lot of Warrior Cat fans have a specific moment that stuck out to them in a painful way, and they'd pick over that incident in their minds over and over? That was me and the tribe journey. So I'm very proud of how I reworked it-- I hope this helps you too

Pre-Rogue Set Up

First of all, it was very important to me to make sure the Tribe never loses their autonomy.

The Tribe is an equal culture to The Clans, with a cultural advantage in hunting and spirituality. In contrast, Clan cats have an advantage in combat and battle tactics.

But they still can defend themselves from threats; see how Sharptooth is now a supernatural force they killed three times historically.

So even before the rogue invasion, as far back as TNP, the Clans have a more fleshed-out relationship to the Tribe.

They rested with the Tribe for a longer period of time during the Great Journey, plus a few medics and hunters accompanied the Clans to the Lake to helped them get set up in unfamiliar territory.

THE TRIBE CATS are the ones who ASK the Clan cats for help.

Stormfur and Brook were never exiled for suggesting they fight the rogues. Of course not.

The Tribe is now democratic. They voted to ask for help. Stoneteller is only a religious figure; not a political one.

The Clan cats are taken aback by this, because they don't admit weakness without great humiliation. My entire narrative is set up to point this out as a Bad Thing which is reckoned with over many arcs.

The last part of my Big Redux Post says it all imo;

Clan Cat: “Why even ask for help if you have it covered?“

Tribe Cat: “...why would we not? We could just wait, but we’d have to hunt twice as hard on the rest of our land, and we don’t want them to suffer and die over several months either if you can just help us send them on their way.“

The Tribe cats COULD wait them out all on their own, and kill Flick's Rogues over a long battle of attrition but... that's not what Tribe cats do. They ask for help; that's what family does.

Battle for the Tribe

Narratively, there's two goals I have with this journey.

For the young cats to understand the trauma their parents went through. The Three plus Breezepaw were born at the lake, and have no understanding of what it was like to lose their home. It doesn't click for them what a Clan is really supposed to be, nor do they totally understand their history. In particular I want there to be moments where Hollyleaf grapples with homesickness, realizing that if they fail that is what the Tribe cats will feel every day, and having a sharp moment of empathy when she sees her mentor Brackenfur looking longingly towards the far side of the mountain.

To treat the Tribe culture as something that needs to be protected By the very structure of their society, Clan culture is xenophobic and raises its warriors to not value outsiders. Each of the four apprentices going on this journey are going to have various feelings in realizing the differences between this culture and their own. But by the end, ALL of the apprentices conclude that there's nothing wrong about these cats, they make friends and learn to appreciate their way of living, throwing their claws towards defending their kin.

-I will be fleshing out several Tribe cats. Stormfur and Brook's first litter, Lark and Pine, are getting shuffled up in age to be major characters and friends of Lionpaw and Breezepaw

From a cursory thought, I'm thinking that Lark is extremely enthusiastic, and Pine is more reserved.

The frustrating and pointless Tribe visit of the OotS arc is getting eliminated completely. Swoop, Splash, and Crag are part of THIS conflict instead.

For Lionblaze's shortened arc, this is the climactic character beat. This is the moment where it finally clicks that the point of having strength is using it to protect others, not just serving your own ends.

(this isn't necessarily perfect development; this is the impulse that causes him to shove his daughters, Dovewing and Ivypool, into harm's way.)

For Breezepaw, this section is important for showing the person he's capable of being, in a more supportive environment. AVoS is his redemption arc but I think it's important to establish his courage and righteousness here, before he even has his villain arc in OotS.

Jaypaw I'm less sure about; but I do know that Longtail is coming on this journey and replacing Brambleclaw, who needs to stay home to be the acting deputy in Brackenfur's absence.

I'm thinking this makes an excellent beat for Jaypaw's "Fight God" arc. The spirituality of the Tribe is casual and decentralized, and he's fighting a bitterness that he can't both be a warrior AND a medcat. The Tribe teaches him it doesn't have to be this way, but it is, and Jay has Big Feelings about that.

Big enough feelings for him to attack a StarClan warrior

[sefusneezed]

Who, of The Goobers™, would be the easiest to bribe?

(as a base, we'll say that we're getting something of moderate high value, like a living space that isn't full of sewage when it rains)

All of them kinda seem like they'd be difficult, but for different reasons.

(also, feel free to crucify me if I get anything about them wrong)

Kat might be easiest, even if just because I don't think she actually knows how to put value to anything. Throw some weird animal art her and it might do.

Lyrane seems like the least likely, unless you can get him reassigned to somewhere where he might actually, y'know, have something to live for. Then again, I don't know if there's anything that could Cheer him up.

Mord hasn't gotten a ton of spotlight, but maybe if you could throw some necron tech his way? But that's pretty hard to get, so he's on the "pretty hard to bribe" part of the scale, to my understanding.

Kalanis would just want a ton of money. Ungodly amounts of money. So he might be the easiest, but also the sheet volume of cash needed would be hard to get.

(asking on Anon cuz I'm a coward)

Oddly specific ask anon 🤨🤨🤨🤨

UHHH idk it depends on the situation and what you're tryna get. They wouldn't shoot themselves in the foot and like, give you access codes to arsenals or whatever lmfao but if it's just like, a better house or more days off or a pay raise then Kat probably your best bet because she honestly wouldn't care. Apathetic compliance. Unless there's paperwork or something involved then she'd need some silly genetic stock or an exotic creechur or just a REALLY good and / or funny reason.

Lyrane probably second but only because he'd just direct you to Kat lmao. (Unless you trigger his civilian killing prey drive then you just die so maybe he's actually the hardest.)

Kalanis third because you'd just have to pay him. But then its not really bribing it's just buying things at that point. If you get a better house or better job position watch out though because he might think you're a political threat and send assassins after you.

Mordekai IS SO NEGLECTED I AM SORRY but he is fourth because I don't think you could even get to him he just sits in his basement all the time. Maybe if you sent him noospheric messages or something, but I feel like he'd just take your necron weapons and rip you off.

VON KURONAR CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FORGOT HIM SMH. He is the hardest to bribe for better living conditions. Honestly the moment you start trying he's just gonna servitorize you. All menials MUST live in god awful conditions just as the Omnissiah intended. Not any of this "affordable housing" and "living wage" crap. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps. How DARE you ask for one throne extra pay, we are on an ICE PLANET with LIMITED RESOURCES.

[theantichrists-blog]

he’s so sweet and i want the best for him, i don’t want to ever let him go, he’s so sweet and nice to me. he makes me so happy just by even saying a simple “heyy hru?”

it just makes me like AAAAHHHH

i gen love him so much and want to be with him and talk with him 24/7

why’s he so sweet and nice? i don’t want to ever let him go, he’s so cute and small too

[chaotic-orphan]

June of Doom, Day Twenty-four:

I think I’m going to be sick : Bleeding out // illness // cold sweat

CW: blood (explicit), violent death (explicit), hybrid change?, hybrid whump, Whumper turned whumpee, caretaker turned whumper, self harm (explicit), forced to hurt themselves (explicit), forced self harm, suicide, possessiveness, possessive caretaker, gore, possessive whumper

General graphic violence warning, esp blood!!

*~*~*~*~*

“You will kill yourself, Caretaker. Here and now, in front of Whumpee so that they learn not to oppose me again. So they learn not to get any ideas,” said Whumper, throwing down the sacrificial knife. It clattered to the floor in front of Caretaker’s feet but Caretaker’s eyes were only focused on Whumpee.

Whumpee on their knees beside Whumper who had an unforgiving hand laced through Whumpee’s hair.

“How do I know you won’t hurt them if I do kill myself like you ask?”

Whumper smiled a cruel smile. “Oh, I’ll hurt them. I’ll hurt them as much as I damn please. They’re disobedient, and defiant— I think they get it from you. So as soon as you’re out of the picture, little Whumpee here won’t fight me as much, isn’t that right, Whumpee?”

Whumpee said nothing. Whumper wrenched Whumpee’s hair up causing Whumpee to let out a grunting squeak of pain before crying: “yes! Yes!”

“See?” Whumper spat. “Even if your presence they’ve forgotten their training.”

Caretaker’s jaw clenched at the mention of Whumpee’s training. Whumpee didn’t need training, they weren’t a dog. They were a human being.

“Seems like beating people into submission doesn’t have a very good compliance rate. Perhaps a gentler touch would be more prudent?”

Whumper laughed at Caretaker’s suggestion. “You think you’re so big, but all I have to do is hurt Whumpee a little and you fold like a bad hand at the poker tables. So do as I say, or I’m going to hurt Whumpee until they can’t speak properly.”

Caretaker’s jaw set and they huffed out a fine, bending down to pick the knife up from the floor. It was a very nice knife. Sleek, sharp, elegant. All things Whumper was not.

“C-Caretaker…” Whumpee whispered and Caretaker’s heart ached. “Please don’t…”

“It’s okay, Whumpee. Just look away okay?”

“Oh no,” said Whumper. “No, no, no. Whumpee’s gonna look the entire time aren’t you Whumpee? You’re going to watch Caretaker die because you’re the reason they’re in this mess aren’t’cha? Caretaker coming in tryna save you because you’re pathetic and only cause pain—“

“Thats not true, Whumpee,” Caretaker interrupted. “I’m here because I want to be here. You didn’t force me to come. My death is not on your hands.”

“Would you hurry up and kill yourself already?” Whumper asked, rolling their eyes. “Nice and slow if you please, draw it out. I want to burn this memory into Whumpee’s fucking retinas.”

Caretaker huffed, and started rolling up their sleeves. “Wrists good enough for you?” Caretaker asked, tone entirely too sweet and fake.

Whumper waved their hand, “dealer’s choice.”

Caretaker swallowed and nodded, pressing the blade to their wrist. The point of the dagger biting into their skin that connected their arm to their hand. They could feel their veins beneath, their blood pumping.

Fuck. Caretaker looked in Whumpee’s eyes, and said: “I’m sorry,” before they cut hard and deep into their wrist and up their arm with a sharp cry.

“Jeez-zus,” Whumper whistled. “You try that before? You’re mighty good at it. Don’t you think Whumpee?”

Whumpee was silent, tears streaming down their face as they were forced to watch Caretaker swap the blade into their wounded hand and repeat the same motion on their other arm.

“Fuck!” Caretaker gasped after the deed was done, dropping the knife as blood started flowing in a gruesome stream down their arms trailing over the deep gashes and down their hands pooling beneath them. The stench of iron burned through Caretaker’s nostrils and tastebuds, thick and rancid.

“You careless little shit,” Whumper laughed, letting go of Whumpee’s hair and stepping closer to Caretaker. They grabbed Caretaker’s arms in their hands and Caretaker cried out. “Those are deep. Deep deep. Holy fuck, Whumpee you wanna look?”

Caretaker’s eyes found Whumpee’s as they felt the blood slowly draining out of their body. Fuck, they could feel it slipping. Their consciousness, as a sheen of cold sweat ran up their spine and stuck to them like a second skin. Whumper let go of Caretaker and Caretaker’s knees buckled. They fell to the ground, their arms resting on their thighs as blood soaked through their jeans.

Caretaker looked at Whumpee and forced a smile and said: “whumpee, look away.”

“No,” Whumpee cried. “No, no, no. Caretaker! I’m sorry. This is all my fault!”

“Whumpee—“ Caretaker ground out in warning as the last of their strength ebbed from them and they sagged in their slumped position. “Look… away…”

Whumper watched with eager eyes as Caretaker’s energy left their body. Watched Whumpee’s realisation slowly dawn on them and saw them scream and relished in it. They walked over to Whumpee and crouched down in front of them, tipping their chin up with their finger, forcing Whumpee to look at them.

“I told you, Whumpee. No one can save you from me. See what happens when you make friends hmm? They can’t help you. No one can. Why?”

Whumpee didn’t answer, so Whumper’s grip tightened on their chin. “Why whumpee?”

“Because I’m yours,” Whumpee whispered. It sounded like a confession to Whumper’s ears, and it physically shattered the kid in front of them. Whumper could have sang from the rooftops at finally, finally having Whumpee all to themselves.

“Damn fucking right you are.”

The moment of bliss ended when there was the sound of bones cracking behind Whumper. Whumper watched Whumpee’s eyes widen in fear, stuck to whatever was happening behind Whumper and Whumper turned.

Caretaker’s bones were crunching. Their body jerking unnaturally and the blood that was still flowing from their wrists was bubbling, steam coming off of the wound. Caretaker’s eyes flew open, panicking and in pain as they reached down to their wrists clawing at the blood at the skin.

Their deafening screams were piercing Whumper’s ears who winced slightly at the deadly sound. Then as suddenly as it started all stopped.

Caretaker stopped screaming.

Stopped writhing.

Stopped bleeding.

Stopped fighting.

Caretaker’s eyes opened again but it wasn’t human eyes that blinked back at Whumper. Nor was it human teeth that showed when Caretaker’s lips twisted up into an unnatural smirk. They raised a hand which now had claws instead of nails and plunged it into their chest. Blood splattered across the ground and hit Whumper’s trousers, staining them red.

“What the fuck is wrong with them Whumpee?” Whumper demanded, some primal fear seizing their throat as they watched Cartaker plunge a second hand into their chest and pull apart their skin covering their ribcage, revealing muscle and tendons and veins that turned black.

“I… I don’t know,” Whumpee whispered, terrified.

A low guttural laughter erupted from Caretaker’s throat as they tore their skin away, shedding it like a snake and got to their feet.

“Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh, oh it’s been too long since you let me out Caretaker, suicide this time?” A voice that wasn’t Caretaker’s spoke through Caretaker’s black lips. A monstrous smiling voice as Caretaker, no, the Beast currently shedded Caretaker’s skin stood taller than Caretaker. The wet shredded skin slapped to the floor and Whumper and Whumpee could only look up and stare at the black beast that now stood before them.

It was huge. Not just tall but wide, with strong leather like skin from which midnight blue fur grew from in places. Their neck was thick, their face still barely human, with a mane of midnight raven hair covering their head. Their legs were thicker than Whumper’s chest with sheer muscle and their hands had turned to black claws.

“Tell me human,” the beast said, dropping their shoulders and hands and arching their back like a limp giant doll and stared into Whumper’s eyes, hot, steamy breath exhaling from their beast like nose. “What year is it?”

Whumper was frozen to the spot, neck stretched as they recoiled back from the beast and stuttered out a shaky answer. “2023,” said Whumper and the Beast hummed in reply. They moved their head up and peering over Whumper’s shoulder saw Whumpee, and their eyes shone with twisted interest.

“Mmmm… the mortal cares for you, little one,” said Beast, pushing Whumper aside and reaching down to touch Whumpee’s face. Whumpee flinched and recoiled but the Beast just cooed in it’s guttural growling way. “Hush child, I won’t hurt you. My mortal would never let me out otherwise. I’m here to save you where they could not.”

“You won’t touch them,” said Whumper, their voice shrill, but the Beast ignored them as they touched Whumpee’s cheek with a surprisingly gentle hand. Their palm was rough and felt like sandpaper but Whumpee found themselves lifting their hand and putting it over the Beast’s. Their chest still rising and falling heavy.

The Beast lifted their hand and grabbed Whumpee’s, lifting it to cover Whumpee’s eyes with their own hand. “Best you don’t see this,” said the Beast and that was all the warning Whumpee got.

They flinched when Whumper screamed. Warm blood splattering across their face and Whumpee turned away from the noise, hiding in their hands as they heard the squelching of something from Whumper’s body. There was the sound of Whumper’s screams, and the sound of flesh being torn through like a sickle through overgrowth. It sounded as if a pack of vicious dog had found their prey and were feasting on it while it still lived.

Eventually the screams stopped and Whumpee felt themselves being picked up. They were cradled to a warm chest that was humming lowly, something rumbling in their chest like a sweet lullaby. The Beast was warm. So warm. Whumpee went to move their hands from their eyes but the Beast growled softly and Whumpee didn’t.

“So curious, little one,” said the Beast. Whumpee could feel the depth of their voice in the Beast’s chest. Suddenly Whumpee felt the Beast’s hands on theirs and heard the Beast say: “close your eyes.”

Whumpee obeyed. Then they felt cloth on their face and they reached up instinctively but the Beast just hushed them again and Whumpee relaxed as the Beast tied a makeshift blindfold around Whumpee’s head.

“You are too curious for your own good. This is something you mortals don’t enjoy seeing. Trust me.”

And bafflingly, Whumpee did trust them. Then the Beast groaned, the sound enveloping Whumpee’s senses now that their sight was gone. “My mortal wants to speak now. Typical. I do the dirty work. They get the glory… agh, they’re a pain,” the Beast grumbled, pressing a hand to Whumpee’s hair and stroking it gently. “I will see you again, little mortal.”

The Beast put Whumpee sitting on the ground. Then the Beast let out a sad howl and the sounds of bones cracking again, and Whumpee knew Caretaker was changing back.

A gentle hand settled on Whumpee’s shoulder. A human hand. Whumpee looked up but saw nothing. They just smelled the blood and the iron in the air. The body beside them starting to stink in the heat.

“Whumpee. Are you okay?” Caretaker asked, their voice hoarse but very soft and gentle. Like they were trying not to spook Whumpee too bad.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Whumpee mumbled. They felt a hand under their armpit helping them to their feet, and then their arm was thrown over Caretaker’s shoulder and they helped Whumpee walk away from the scene of their abuser’s dead body.

“Okay,” said Caretaker after a while. “You can take the blindfold off.”

Whumpee did immediately. They saw Caretaker in the corner of their eye smile as they saw Caretaker’s shitty little car. “Finally. I’m exhausted,” said Caretaker, walking to the passenger side first and opening the door for Whumpee. Whumpee got in on their own accord, their entire body felt like jelly. They looked at the blindfold in their hand and saw it was a sticky and covered in blood.

Whumpee gasped, dropping it and taking down the sun visor and looking in the mirror to see their face covered in blood, with a thick layer over Whumpee’s nose and eyes.

Whumpee reached a sleeve up to wipe it off but before they could Caretaker grabbed their arm and Whumpee turned to see Caretaker smiling at them.

“Umm… could you not? For… for just a minute? It, uh, the beast, likes it. It’s like a perverse sign of ownership.”

Whumpee didn’t know what to do, so they just nodded slightly and lowered their hand. “Right… uh, yeah. Okay.”

It was nighttime anyways so no one would be able to see it as they drove home. Caretaker started the engine and pulled out of the alleyway, a small smile on their face as they got onto the main road.

It didn’t just make the Beast inside them purr and coo like a happy baby. Caretaker quite liked the sight too, but smothered it down a little inside. Primal beastly urges always remained for a while after the Beast had shown it’s face.

Of course, the Beast said, and Caretaker could hear them rolling their eyes. Blame me.

Caretaker just smiled to themselves and drove on.

[sagemoderocklee]

Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game

🍄 🍬 ❄️ 🏜️ 🦴

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

got a lot of headcanon asks today in my inbox lol... uh for this ill go with my headcanon about Tenten not being without family since ive got two asks for that levels thing i reblogged earlier to answer

so my hc and how i usually approach Tenten is that she comes from a weapon smithing clan. Her clan originally came from Dragon Kingdom, but like... so, so long ago. like a thousand years ago. they were originally trading in what is now Fire, and eventually some started to settle instead of going back to Dragon Kingdom. They established themselves as blacksmiths and as times changed, became weapon makers almost exclusively. Her clan still makes other things besides weapons, but they specialize in weapon making.

Tenten lives with her grandmother since her parents died during Obito's assault on Konoha with the kyuubi. Tenten's clan lives in the industrial district of Konoha, and Neji (who is alive thank you) moves there after he and Tenten have been dating for a bit.

Tenten, of course, prioritizes fighting with weapons, but she also is a good smith herself, and does a lot of unique work with weapons.

I gave Tenten's clan a name, of course, so her family/clan name is Nie, which means 'pattern of a sword blade'.

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

drawing a blank beyond all my usual things like gaara being obsessed with naruto being stupid or like the way ppl generally approach Gaara is ableist and disregards his history prior to Yashamaru tryna kill him or lee not being anbu/akatsuki/hokage etc and also ppl making lee sexy is stupid like he's weird looking and thats fine and i think his weird looks are charming and cute... all of which ive talked about before

um i guess ill say that sakura being self-centered is actually a really important and interesting character trait. it doesn't make her an awful, irredeemable character, it's just a character flaw and i think ppl who love her tend to ignore that about her because the people who absolutely hate her are always callin her a bitch etc. like i love sakura but she can be a bitch and i think that's interesting and okay and like if you really like a character you can lean into their flaws without that being like a condemnation of the character. she doesn't have to be like sunshine and daisies to be a good character

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

the dream theme/plot for a fic is one i'd probably just write myself. not like for any reason other than if i have an idea i usually wanna execute it myself, and at this point a lot of my ideas exist within the worldbuilding ive done and not that other ppl dont or cant but my interest are always gonna lean more into the political spectrum of storytelling and i think that's generally my niche and not as many ppl write those stories.

i think if there was absolutely something i didnt wanna write id honestly probably not wanna read it either, so im always like shit at answer these kinda questions cause once i have an idea im like 'ok ill write that someday'

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

always gonna love long comments that talk about the themes of the story, that bring up things the reader thinks is foreshadowing, direct lines from the fic, and so on. i like when ppl are like rlly analyzing what ive written and telling me their thoughts and what they think is gonna happen. i think by far my fave thing is ppl tryna guess what's coming and seeing how close or how far off they are, and when ppl do pick up on foreshadowing that is just... chef's kiss.

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing?

i find inspiration in a lot of things and it rlly is gonna depend on what im writing at the time. sometimes i get inspired by music (a lot of my gaalee fics were originally inspired by Florence+the Machine song for instance), sometimes it's like a poem or a book, or a tv show, but it rlly is always gonna depend on what im writing.

but my perspective is that art begets art. art is always in a state of inspiring more art, whether its the originating artist being inspired by their own work or another being inspired by their work, i think art is at its core always birthing more art.

with fic i dont think i could pinpoint one single thing that's inspiring me at any given moment, but i am often being inspired by other things whether it's music or just like an article about something.

[reilleclan-blog]

Please don't wake me up

-

I really hate when ppl say "eren was right , Pain was right" if u genuinely believe any of the "bad" ppl in shounen were right , I think u A) tryna be different or B) u didn't understand any of the story. I say shit like "Pain was right" b/c I'm being dramatic and emo I say everybody should be 6ft under b/c ppl are infuriating but would I actually want that.. I don't think so.

Pain at the end of the day turned themselves into a bully terror organization the entire thing about Pain and the akatsuki Pain just became a massive hypocrite that's why when he talked to Naruto he put his faith in Naruto (others say Pain could've been a more interesting villain or better writing) personally I liked Pain but whatever. At the end of the day none of the villains are ever actually "right" b/c any sane person would know killing thousands of ppl is wrong no matter the justification of it. In Sasuke's case he didn't know wtf to believe anymore or who to trust but again Naruto had to kick his ass "straight"

Also what is up with ppl in fandoms absolutely terrorizing ppl just b/c others don't agree with their opinions, I guess those were the ppl that never logged off the fucking internet. Ppl take this shit so seriously but forget that these are fictional fucking characters.. I guess I'm starting to understand that term "chronically online" cause it's really scary how serious ppl take shit

[ltbarnes]

Resurrection Chapter 2

Summary: Bucky Barnes was only nineteen when the lives of his parents and little sister were taken right in front of him by the ruthless members of the Odinson mob. His father’s mistakes have turned Bucky into a vengeful and cold shell of the charming boy he once was, now deeply rooted in the criminal lifestyle of the Stark mafia. Sudden attacks ignite the conflict between the two forces of the city, refueling the rivalry that has been rather tame for years. Nine years since Bucky’s life fell apart, he finds it shattering once more when what was supposed to be long dead returns to the living.

Pairing: brother!mafia!Bucky Barnes x adopted!sister!reader, mafia!Thor Odinson x reader, mafia!Loki Odinson x reader, eventual Steve Rogers x reader

Word count: 3k

Warnings: violence, fire, mentions of trauma, Steve being a supportive and very concerned friend

A/N: things are starting to happen 👀 next chapter is going to be bigger though!!

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Prologue | Chapter 1

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"Hydra did."

That five-letter-word has been echoing in Bucky's mind for three fucking days. He thought they were gone, pulverized to dust when they rescued him two years ago. Hydra was only a naive group of greedy businessmen looking for a way to make more money—sure, they managed to keep him imprisoned for almost a year, but from what he's heard about them they most likely watched The Godfather a few too many times and got excited.

It bothers him more than he lets on, the loss of memories from that year. Sometimes he has nightmares about it, he thinks. Flashes of needles and the stench of rusty blood, pale lighting and sinister words in Russian, pain so prominent that he nearly shatters his own teeth. Bucky wishes he knew more, if only to gain control back over himself. He feels like he hasn't really been his own person ever since.

For as long as he can remember, the Starks and the Odinsons have battled for the reigns of the city through constant back-and-forth sabotage and fraud. Overpowering one another by being smarter, more heinous and sinister. But there was never much bloodshed involved. It was always about the game for them. Bucky used to believe that Tony and Thor might have been doing this for fun. But there have been some strains over the years and the tension has grown exponentially—a war is brewing and he's not sure anyone can stop it.

But why in the goddamn hell would Hydra order someone to give Stark-intel to the Odinsons and not themselves? It's been bugging everyone in the Stark mob for days now. More people have been killed during these days by them than for the last six months. No matter who they ask they can't get any information on Hydra—it seems like that man who confessed is the only one willing to talk.

"Don't tell me things like that, Buck," Steve says through a gulp, nearly whispering while leaning closer.

Bucky lets a huff escape his lips. Steve has this constant fear that he will be killed by Bucky's superiors if they find out what he knows. While that would never happen, there is always a chance the Odinsons can figure out his importance to Bucky.

"No one is gonna lay a damn finger on you, you know that," Bucky says, leaning back onto his chair. "Hydra is nothing. They're just tryna' appear bigger and badder than they are."

"Well, what if they..." Steve lowers his voice once more while glancing around the café. "They could still be dangerous. Look at what they did to you, Buck."

A short, tense silence is exchanged between them. The kidnapping is a sore subject—Bucky was thought to be dead after all, and that took a goddamn toll on his best friend.

"I'm fine, Steve. Nothing is gonna happen, except maybe roughing them up if we ever can find wherever the fuck they are," he says.

Steve sighs, closing his eyes for a second before shaking his head. "You're gonna get yourself killed someday."

"Well, you better be the one writing my eulogy then."

They don't get times like these much anymore. Steve and Bucky rarely sit down together, talking through what has happened in their lives for more than 10 minutes at a time. But they've been sitting in this goddamn café for two hours now, and neither of them want to leave anytime soon. Things have been a little bit back and forth when it comes to their friendship the last few years—Bucky's lifestyle doesn't exactly mesh well with a righteous firefighter Captain. But today Steve feels like home and those days are usually good ones.

Mostly Bucky is teasing Steve about the group of teenage girls giggling each time the blonde glances over his shoulder. Somehow the punk still hasn't realized how much of a hunk he's become—watching him entirely unknowing of the attention he gains from people is balancing on the border of comical and painful. Then the conversation shifts back to Bucky's well-being and if he ever thinks about leaving the criminal life and Bucky tells him for the hundredth time that leaving is not really something you do and he doesn't really want to. That's his family right there.

He couldn't ever leave them to fend for themselves. Yelena and Nat and T'Challa and Sam and Pietro and Wanda and everyone who have nestled theirselves into his stone cold heart. Wouldn't ever say it out loud, but he loves them. And he loves the pain, the distractions. Everything was taken from him, but he gained some things too. The violence is necessary at this point, to make up for the soft feelings blossoming in his chest when his family laugh together and share inside jokes and do things for each other. Even though they kill and maim and steal, there's still warmth.

Steve doesn't really understand that if they could do anything else, they would. No one wakes up one morning and chooses to involve themselves in a web of crime and sins like this. But everyone is too far gone now. You can't live a normal life when hundreds of people want to kill you. Natasha never wished for her little sister to grow up as an assassin, and Pietro never wanted to see his twin kill somebody without a trace of remorse. Now that Bucky knows them he wishes nobody had to lay a finger on someone else again.

"The day is coming up soon," Steve says, glancing out of the window with a gulp. "Have you thought about what you wanna do this year?"

Bucky is stunned into silence. If he's honest, he has tried to avoid thinking about the anniversary of his family's death as much as possible. With each year it just gets harder. Whoever told him that it gets better with time was lying, because why does his heart clench more painfully with each year you don't get to live?

"I don't know. Maybe...no, it's dumb."

He shakes his head to himself, leaning back against the seat. Last year he and Steve went to Coney Island and bought ice cream, sitting on the same bench overlooking the water for five hours. His ma loved going there during the summer. They talked about old memories, what little he can still remember about the two of you.

"No, tell me," Steve says, leaning forward over the table. "It's not going to be dumb, Buck."

"Maybe we could go to that restaurant, with the 40's clothes and all that," he mumbles, eyes downcast onto the crumbles on his plate. "Y/n always said she wanted to work there when she was grown up. Had to be 19 to work there and...she would be that age now and all that."

Steve gives him a small smile. "That sounds great, Buck."

Driving on the dark roads towards the Stark mansion feels empty. Meaningless. For two hours today he had a sense of normalcy with Steve. As if they were two old buddies catching up after work, reminiscing about their teenage years and planning for the next meet up. While all that is true, the scene is marred by Bucky's past and present, and the future equally grim and bloody.

Bucky is stressed. The resurgence of Hydra has lead to sleepless nights and constant heart palpitations that leave him unreachable for minutes in the middle of conversations. He tells everyone they are harmless but he can't quite convince himself about that.

The entirety of the inner circle is gathered in the old library of Stark's house. Mahogany shelves line the walls of first edition books and hidden weapon cabinets, framing the large desk in front of Tony himself.

"Had this talk with some—what's his name again?" Pietro asks, snapping his fingers in the direction of Yelena who rolls her eyes in irritation.

"Rollins."

"Yes. Rollins. Didn't get shit out of him. Yeah, that didn't go very well."

"But you're sure he works for Hydra?" Tony sighs, pinching his eyebrows together with his fingers.

"Uh-huh. Like 98% sure," Pietro answer. His sister just glares at him. "Had this octopus badge on him. Never seen before."

"It was a skull with tentacles, idiot."

Bucky tenses up, a flash of long forgotten images overtaking his periphery. But he doesn't show in the least—instead a stoic figure with his arms crossed stands in the corner. And Natasha still notices. Goddamn woman.

"What?" she barks out, looking directly at him.

The heads of the room lay their attention on his now wide-eyed face, expecting a large scaled revelation when all there actually is is a blurry memory.

"No, I just—remembered the skull. That's all," Bucky mutters.

"You saw it when they had you captured?" T'Challa asks with a stiff, single nod as an answer. "That's not irrelevant, Barnes. It is important. Anything you can give us is appreciated."

Bucky breathes out a puff of air, shaking his head. T'Challa grew up in an influential Wakandan family, and is yet to have dropped the formal niceties each time he talks. The foul language in this circle has not rubbed off on him. And while it may annoy some, Bucky finds it as a nice change from all the shit he hears.

"Alright. Be on the lookout for it, okay?" Tony says, running the palm of his hand over his face tiredly. The man has been awake for several days in a row looking for information. "At this point anything is good. I'm fucking tired. Don't even know if these guys are the real thing or the Odinsons are messing with us."

A collective sigh followed by a shake of heads spreads through the room of exhausted assassins and henchmen, the collage family of a middle-aged mob heir.

The two of them—Bucky and Tony—have never really gotten along that well, but Stark seemed to feel somewhat guilty of the fate of his family. George was working for his father after all when he died. When Bucky came seeking for a sense of belonging four years ago, Stark took him in despite the reluctance. And now he's one of the best men he's got.

From time to time they clash. Bucky is stubborn and Tony even more so. But there's some form of respect there that makes him stay working for Stark.

"You know what? All of you just focus on this from now on until we find the Goodfellas," Tony says with a wave of his hand. "Hundred bucks on Al Pacino being the boss. Now get."

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It's three in the morning and Bucky is four hours into staring up at his ceiling when he gets the text from Nat.

Northwest warehouse blown up. Bet's on Loki and his phonies. Outside now.

And Bucky is not even mad that he gets ripped from his bed in the middle of the night. He wasn't sleeping to begin with and the glass he usually gulps down at the end of the day stands untouched on his coffee table.

With three guns strapped to him and two knives in his jacket pockets, he runs down the stairs to the sight of Nat leaning against her car.

She's stonefaced as usual, but there is a barely noticeable nervousness in her hold that sends signals of urgency into Bucky. He's not in the mood for a fight this time, but the possibility of an ambush is great with a stunt like this.

Within twenty minutes they stand in front a burning warehouse, half blown to bits and half buried in ashes. He has to fight the urge to cough as soon as he opens the car door, in fear of being made fun of by Nat.

"Goddamnit," he mutters, right hand tangled up into his hair.

A building on fire is not reason enough to keep away though. Not for them. Instead the heat and smoke is merely an inconvenience as they head closer, searching for any sign of the arsonist who put one of their most important warehouses down.

"How the hell did they find this?" he asks.

The sound of footsteps on gravel and structures tumbling down does not drown out the lack of answer from Nat. And maybe it's dumb to expect an answer, because she does not know more than Bucky, but it always feels like she just knows.

It's when he has to cover his mouth with his jacket that he halts his steps. Closer than this is impossible without burning up himself.

"Nat, do you—"

Bucky looks around for his companion without any luck. She's gone from where she was at his side merely ten seconds ago.

"Nat!"

The panic quickly builds inside Bucky's traumatized body. Logic is pushed away and the conclusions are instantly drawn to death, to bleeding out on the pavement with an Odinson bullet in her chest.

Calm breaths quickly turn frantic as he spins around in place, trying to decipher a redhead from the anxious blur. He can't lose her. Another one taken by the Odinson mob is not something he can handle. That would be the end of him.

"Calm down, Barnes. I found something."

Natasha comes back from around the corner of the warehouse with a ring in her hand. A thick ring with a pattern of thunder bolts and storm clouds carved into the worn silver. Bucky gulps, letting out a deep breath while shaking his head to himself.

"This is Thor Odinson's," he says while taking it from her outstretched hand, acting as if he didn't have the start of a panic attack a few seconds ago.

Turning his head over his shoulder, Bucky searches for any sign of company on the grounds. All sound comes from the fire. No sighting of mysterious enemies waiting to ambush.

"Where did you find this?"

"Right around the corner. Must've slipped off his fucking finger while they ran out of here," Nat answers, doing that same sweep with her eyes as him. Empty, for now.

"How did they—tried so fucking hard to hide this location. Tony will kill us."

Nat sighs, shaking her head. "I'll handle it. But I think we got ourselves a mole, Barnes, and it sure as hell isn't a newcomer."

The drive back is filled with speculation that is mostly one-sided. It has started raining and Bucky is driving slower than he normally would during rainstorms. Doesn't want to get into an accident with Nat in the car and all that.

She's already calling in for an emergency meeting less than six hours since the last one. This one will probably be bigger—a stunt like this borders on being a war declaration.

As they pull up outside of the gate, there's already dozens of sleek, black cars standing on Tony's driveway. Bucky has his arm leaning against the window as he waits for the gate to open, biting on the fingernail of his thumb despite telling himself he would stop ages ago.

It's tense as a stretched rubber band as he and Nat enters the room, this time the large dining hall with a ridiculously large table occupying half of the space.

Bucky throws the ring onto the table, letting it glide over until it starts spinning in place right in front of Stark. The goateed man stares at it for as long as it takes for the ring to still before picking it up.

"Odinson," he says, holding it up while inspecting it, letting the entire room packed with associates and members catch sight of the big finding.

"Found right outside the burning warehouse." Natasha sits herself down a few chairs away. Always leave one empty for her, if you don't want to be torn away from your seat.

Tony lets out a grunt of thought, leaning back in his chair at the top of the table. Several seconds of tense silence passes by before he speaks again.

"These damn fuckers," he mutters, throwing it down onto the mahogany. "This is the last fucking drop. I want a team infiltrating an Odinson meeting tomorrow. Just listen in, don't want to hear about any shootings or clashes afterwards," he says while still having his eyes on the ring twirling in between his fingers.

Silence. Some people are still afraid of speaking without being spoken to, even though Tony wouldn't even bat an eye. Launch a snarky remark, maybe, but when you talk as much as him you can't really complain while others do the same.

Tony raises his gaze, pointing it out subtly through the room with a dismissive expression.

"You guys stay. Everyone else can go."

He waves his hand. If you are supposed to stay you know, because it's always the same people. Over 50 people push themselves out of the room while only eight stay.

"T'Challa, Sam, Nat and Barnes. I want you four to go tomorrow. Got sources that tell me they're continuously meeting at this renovated old factory uptown."

They nod, gulping, because going in on each other's territories is never fun. It's stressful and scary to know that if you're caught you will most likely have a bullet lodged into your head.

But Bucky doesn't care. Maybe that's why Stark always sends him to stuff like this. He simply does not care if he gets a bullet shot through his body.

"Stark," Nat says, that usual stoic expression on her face and arms crossed around her.

He nods in answer, rising up from his seat before dismissing everyone else. Bucky knows she's going to discuss a possible leak of location from within the mob. And even though he wants to think that no one in this room would betray them, he knows you could never be too cautious.

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TAG: @kneelforloki

CHAPTER 3