#who should be cancelled fellas?

[thinkinonsense]

for more logan angst, would you consider doing a "one year later" or something like that follow-up to dbf!logan and the i love you fight?

i miss you, i'm sorry-dbf!logan howlett x fem!reader

part one

456 days after

everyday your words haunted logan. he could picture you with tears in your eyes so clearly. he still went down to your fathers bar; needing something to cope. you left shortly after the fight, using the money you had saved up from working at the bar to get an apartment a couple towns over. there needed to be distance between you and logan but it seemed that no where was far enough.

logan knew every tiny detail about your life since you left. your father shows him pictures of how you decorated your apartment and tells him about the new boyfriend you've got. he should be happy; you got out before logan could get you hurt. instead, he's been drinking himself to sleep most night. your favorite bra and sleeping shorts still sat in his bedroom dresser, untouched but they still smelled like you.

"she comes home next week." your father says, pouring logan another glass of whiskey. "her mom and i are throwing her a small welcome home party, you should come by."

as if logan wouldn't feel more like a dick, he had also drove you away from your parents. always coming up with an excuse for why you can't come visit.

"i'm not sure–"

logan was cut off by your father again.

"c'mon, bud. i don't wanna be the only guy there." he jokes, excited to see you but just maybe not your friends that your mom invited.

"uh, sure." logan sighs, taking another swig from the glass. he desperately hoped that your father would forget or that logan could come up with some excuse.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

your thumbs drum anxiously at the steering wheel as you drive down your old street. the nerves were finally hitting, too late to turn back like you had many times before. all of your friends cars sat in the driveway, you can't cancel on them again.

logan could smell you before you even got out of your car. he's down in the basement with your dad and a few of the guys from the bar. his mind was anywhere except present as he focused solely on you.

"that should be her, fellas." your dad smiles, getting up to greet you upstairs with the others. "i'll be back."

logan finished his beer and wondered if he should sneak out or fake some emergency. was he even ready to you again? how would you react?

"hey, logan? could you come help bring in some bags?" your father yells down the stairs.

"logan?" your voice was shaking at the mention of the man who shattered your heart.

this isn't the time to be crying. just get through dinner and then you can drive home; tell them you can't stay the night. fuck, what were you going to do?

"welcome home, sweetheart." logan mumbles with a slight nod, walking past you and out the door.

it was hard to mask your anger. one of your friends pours you a glass of wine and brings you to the living room, away from logan. your dad and him bring in your suitcases and sit them in your old bedroom. all of it felt like when you step off a roller coaster; dizzy, slightly confused, wanting to go again.

at the table, your mom asks about your new boyfriend. logan couldn't stand you going on and on about how great this guy was. so great that he's too busy to come home with you.

"so, do you think he's 'the one'?" one of your friends asks.

"um... i'm not sure." you shrug, catching logan's eye. "but i know he loves me and that's all that matters."

you might as well shot logan in the chest with that one.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

one too many glasses of wine and two beers later, almost everyone was starting to clear out. everyone except for logan. he's not sure why he didn't leave sooner. perhaps it was your presence that made him stay. even if you were pissed at him still, you were still here, still near him.

"i'm gonna go get more beer from the garage." you tell your friends, stumbling a little to your feet.

the truth was that you needed some air. too consumed by logan's heated gaze. you made it down the porch steps before you heard the screen door open and close.

"i don't need any help." you call out over your shoulder.

the foot steps sounded much closer by the time you flicked on the light switch.

"don't you think you've had enough to drink tonight?" logan asks, shutting the garage door behind him.

"i can drink however much i want." you slur slightly. "i am an adult after all ."

"i know, you're an adult."

"are you sure? because wasn't it just a little over a year ago that you were still treating me like a child?"

"if you don't want to be seen as a child, then don't act like one."

"fuck you, logan." you hiss, slamming the fridge door.

"oh sure, it's fuck me for sayin' the truth." logan rolls his eyes.

"it's fuck you for breaking my heart."

"do you think that you didn't break my heart by leaving?"

"i left because you told me to go!" you cried, finally letting the tears flow. "i said i loved you and you got scared like a little kid."

"i got scared because you shouldn't love someone as fucked up as me." he snaps, voice becoming strained.

"did you serious think i didn't know?"

logan looks at you stunned. how did you...?

"you talk in your sleep. it wasn't hard to piece together after that." you answer with sigh. "your mutation doesn't scare me."

there's a moment of silence between the two of you. logan steps forward, touching a lock of your hair; vanilla body wash flooding his senses. he's missed you so much.

"your stuff is still in my drawers." logan whispers. you know what he means; he's never been good with expressing his emotions but you always could tell what he meant. "want ya' to come home, sweetheart."

logan's rough palm moves up to cup the side of your face. your torn between shoving him away or pulling him closer. without a second thought, you nuzzle into his touch. old habits die hard.

"i can't." you tell him.

"yes, you can–"

"no. you don't love me, lo."

"i do, i want to be with you." logan begs, fighting off his tears.

"you love when i'm in bed with you or when we listen to records and do cross word puzzles together, but you are not in love with me." you tell him, lightly removing his hand from your face. "i can't be with someone who hides from me, someone who can't even say out loud that they love me. i'm sorry, logan."

you grab the case of beer and walk past him one last time. it was hell to leave him there but even logan knew he deserved it. he wasn't worthy of your love then and he defintely wasn't worthy of it now. you dodged the bullet that would leave him here to bleed out.

[renranram]

schlatt x reader japan trip 🙏🙏

Japan

sfw + fluff

introvert female reader joining schlatt for a trip in japan :3

schlatt's and your relationship have been pretty lowkey ever since it started, especially coming from a huge content creator like him some of his fans can sometimes be too overbearing

and to avoid that, the two of you to agreed to keep it lowkey, you weren't really a huge fan of travelling, you being a huge introvert and would pray and manifest that all your events would be cancelled or give you an excuse to not attend them

so it surprised schlatt that you actually agreed to go with him to japan, even agreeing to be in his and jack’s vlog, but introducing yourself as his close friend

so there you guys are, entering a cat shop, jack vlogging the entire thing for memorabilia and content as you follow behind schlatt, smiling in awe with the tons of cats inside

schlatt himself would of course glance at you from time to time, hoping you're enjoying and comfortable throughout the whole trip, “ yo, y/n, what do you think about these little fellas trapped inside of those? “ he asks

“ poor creatures “ you respond smiling at him as jack approaches the tiny kitten aiming his camera in the poor thing's face, “ jack, he looks like he's scared of you “ schlatt jokes as you giggle

“ schlatt look, he looks like you “ you point into a black, kind of chubby cat who's meowing at you, “ oh god it is! “ jack chimes in as schlatt smiles at you, before glaring at jack, “ really? this one looks exactly like you “ schlatt mocks jack by pointing on a sphinx as the man puts an unimpressed face as you chucke at their banter

“ .. i actually like the bald one “ you smile, fixing your glasses as jack cheers, “ see! even your bestfriend agrees im a good-looking cat “ jack spoke with his british accent, smug

“ i am so disappointed “ schlatt comments, shaking his head, being overdramatic as you can only smile and look at your boyfriend in admiration

the whole trip went well, and there was only a day left before going back to texas again, so, the two of you spent it together, alone and intimate as you visit a deer park, no cameras, no vlogging, no nothing more just two of you, enjoying your last day in tokyo

the two of you held hands as you chuckle, feeding a deer it's food as you smile, watching the deer bow, “ he's a polite fella isn't he? “ schlatt smiles, at you and the deer

“ he's very very polite “ you chuckle, “ very cute too “ you add, “ you two are very cute in my opinion “ he shrugs

“ cheesy fuck “ you reply, as he pecks your cheek, fixing your hair, as you gasp, “ look at that one! it has antlers “ you exclaim, pointing at a larger deer with one antler

“ do you think he's polite too? “ you ask, “ i bet he'll bow down in a 90 degree angle “ he replies as you break the food in half, handing the half to schlatt so he can also feed it,” what if we feed him at the same time and he chooses his favorite “ you challenge him

“ he's gonna choose the handsome one “ schlatt replies as you roll your eyes playfully as the two of you offers the food at the same time as the lather large deer bows, before choosing schlatt's

“ aha! see “ schlatt exclaims as you chuckle, the deer now feeding onto your offered food, “ so smug “ you comment, pecking your cheek

“ it's kinda hot “ you comment, smiling, as he didn't hesitate to remove his cap, putting it on you, “ should we go back to the hotel then? “

“ but it's like.. way too earlyy “ you reply as you sigh, before gasping, “ can we uhm…go to arcades and uh.. ive heard they have silly photo booths “ you suggest

and after hearing those, he spoiled you , going to the arcades and photo booths you wanted, as the two of you sat at the balcony of your hotel room, your head on his shoulder as you held hands

“ can't believe it ended so fast “ you sip on some random drink you two got from a convenient store on the way back, “ mhm, i wanna stay here with you longer “ schlatt caresses you hair

“ you know.. i was kinda surprised you actually came with us “ schlatt mentioned as you hums, “ really? “

“ yeah.. i thought we'd have to vc eachother again during the entire trip “ he added as you chuckle, “ i don't know.. it's just.. i wanna atleast spend some moments with you “ you answer

�� well… im glad you came, im just.. so fucking happy “ he cups you by your cheek, pecking your nose, “ im glad i chose the right decision then “ you smile

“ jay… i want to promise something “ you mumble as schlatt nods, shifting on your seat, “ yeah? “ he asks

“ … i wanna uhm.. try new stuffs with you and uhm… travel with you, and do cool things “ you smile, “ i wanna… get out of my shell.. so i can be with you “

“ y/n you know you dont have to force yourself just so you can be with me “ schlatt replies, caressing your face as you shake your head, “ no no, im doing this for myself too “ you fix your sleeves as you face him

“ i promise “ you reassure him as he chuckles, “ so fucking proud if you toots “ he ruffles your hair, “ im glad you're trying out new stuffs “

“ … wanna make japan more memorable? “ he pecks your neck, and you immediately knew what he meant as you nod, smiling, lifting you up without a challenge, entering the back to the room as he trace kisses around your face

-

@.schlatt4layf • 11 hours ago

my friend from japan just spotted schlatt with a girl?????

↳ 9826 ⇆ 7923 ♡ 11228

oh what the fuck??

[lagerloutfic]

a tough as balls year for little old me, but as the old proverb goes, no matter the horrors there is always ao3 in bed. writing and reading.

doubled down on my love for hockey and feel like i understood the game better, imbued more of the narratives, and discovered more players to be stupid about.

stopped trying to fight being an f1 girlie and threw myself in head first. what a gorge little community of freaks (affectionate) who like to watch the zoom zoom.

here are some things i wrote. not sure if i love them all, but they were all glorious distractions and so i'm hopelessly fond. not a single word could have happened without @crunchycrispy, the eternal muse.

hockey stuff

🐶 got that dog in him | E | 7.1k | the connor mcdog fic haha...oh boy. the good news is i am not alone in thinking how much connor looks like bowie and the bad news is, we're all going to hell. despite living in fear someone is going to cancel me for bestiality, i loved writing connor/bowie pov and imagining my life as a pampered little pooch, beloved by all. on my wishlist for 2025, tbh.

💦 warm ride | E | 2.3k & wrap me round your wedding ring | E | 6.8k | William Nylander/John Tavares | eurosleaze 4 DILF captain shame writing willy is a true joy, thoroughly recommend everyone have a turn. this was darker that i usually go because i don't like to hurt my own feelings but i'm happy with how wet and pathetic JT turned out and the whole structure of part 2. 😈 love drunk off this hump | E | 8k | Frederik Andersen/Auston Matthews | the gang's all here and they are fucking idiots this might have been the most fun thing i wrote this year? just good vibes, silly times, a thrilling ensemble of dickheads being stupid hockey bros. everyone should jerk off with the homies, the thesis.

🥛 no use crying | E | 38.6K | Brock Boeser/William Nylander | milk bar fic sex-worker AU ummmm, look. i just wanted to write boys with big milk jugs. do these fellas know each other? no. does the world make sense? nah. did i have a fun time, YES.

🦷 different kind of buzz | E | 3.5k | Macklin Celebrini/Will Smith | | pain, teeth & horny 4 hockey | those fucking rookies, goddamn actually can't believe we are witnessing the birth of a new pairing right under our noses, but it's happening. we are living in the historical moment! thank you to all the sickos who are writing willmack, posting the content, thinking the thoughts. the real MVP of this season, along with @fast-burn for making it spesh.

🏒 let's call this the playoff hockey coping strategy collection 🏒

absolutely bonkers time where i dealt with playoff hockey through fanfiction. actually do not remember half of these, so that's cool.

say it, say it again | E | 4.1k | Leon Draisaitl/Connor McDavid | soft dick fic.

but close ain't close enough | E | 6.3k | Leon Draisaitl/Connor McDavid | get your captain pregnant with help from your girl

go ahead and try a little crazy on me | E | 4k & don't you even try and explain | e | 12.1k | Leon Draisaitl/Arturs Silovs | winner's room goalie fucking | whomst among us was not enchanted by arty during that series? probably the most enjoyable voice to write, i do really want to write a part three where everyone gets freaky in spain so someone bully me until i do it.

better put that business to bed | E | 2.8k | Leon Draisaitl/Connor McDavid | voice kink

just the touch of your hand | E | 3.4k | Leon Draisaitl/Connor McDavid | McDepression and spanking

if i could make a wish | E | 2.8k | Leon Draisaitl/Connor McDavid | omg, MORE McDrepression?? Get a new theme, girl!

i'm gonna tell you right now, they're all i'm thinkin' about | E | 7k | Leon Draisaitl/Connor McDavid | you are never gonna believe there's a THIRD McDepression fic out there by moi. This time with a cute outfit!

🏎️ f1 stuff 🏎️

👀 unsafe release | E | 18.2k | Alex Albon/George Russell | when that childhood friend becomes hot and weird and scary it's your girls first f1 fic! started life as a quinn/petey fic lol okay who is she? this was HARD to write. new fandoms are tricky, there's so much to learn. but good to be sobbing into the google doc at a million am, it builds character etc etc

🌪️ a lasting advantage | E | 18.7k | Alex Albon/George Russell | okay but actually i wasn't done with these bitches more of the same, but with extra mental breakdowns and lashings of shame! buttsex, finally, and a beloved OC.

💬 hot rookie slagsss | M | 5.7k | Alex Albon/George Russell/Lando Norris | horndogs in the groupchat i just wanted to write something with dialogue so i didn't have to bother with all the bits in between and text is so fun for that. so fun to thrash this out with @latecomersprivilege and @ctimenefic. it takes a village, y'all.

flippin' hell. when it's all laid out like that it's really something. what's next? i literally have no idea! how fun! thanks to anyone who interacted with me this year, the likes and comments and stupidity keep the motor running. open mouthed kisses for all xx

[lady-of-the-puddle]

Hello hello, it is time once again for, you guessed it!

Rating Clu's

Homoerotically tense

Relationships

I thought long and hard about this because I only had about 2 in my head when I mistakenly threw it out there in another post but like, here you go 😎

Have a picture in case you forgot what cgi Jeff Bridges looks like:

Behold, a guy. Anyway

1. Kevin

He is the most obvious so I'll get this one out of the way

You are me and I am you but you are the darkest parts of me but I love you anyway

This begs the question:

Would you fuck your darker self/clone

Idk about u but my heart tells me that Kevin sure would

7/10 it's about the man vs self of it all

2. Jarvis (why is this photo so fuckin big??)

I know I said Kevin is the most obvious

But this guy has the biggest crush on Clu

He is simp supreme

Like the way he turns to Clu for approval after everything he says makes me feel like I should leave the room

He loses a point for being a dork coward but Sam's mascara is very pretty and he's also a Flynn so I can't blame him too much

9/10 go henchboy go

3. Rinzler

Fellas, is it gay to brainwash god's most specialest boyfriend and make him loyal to only you all while knowing god is still out there and can see what you've done to everything he loves? All while knowing he's nothing more than a pet and will never love you and wouldn't even if he could

Like talk about the ultimate rebound

No notes honestly, I don't even need to go on with this one

11/10 not even one girl(Quorra) could make this all seem a little less gay

4. Dyson

Another case of yoinking your exes boy but this time it was consensual

He literally just agrees with Clu and helped him take over

If that's not a basis for a strong relationship then idk what is

He really seems so desperate to stay in Clu's favor like he must know that tron is the real prize here, his bitter ex. Has there ever been so much dating drama between programs?

5/10 replaceable.

5. Sammy

It occurs to me now that he hasn't made it on these lists yet so everyone clap for him

I feel brave for even acknowledging this one

Is Clu his dad? Is he an entity separate but still containing qualities of his father at a certain point in time that forever diverged from the moment of conception? Idk he's a computer man

So like the part where he's just kinda circling Sam looking him up and down like he's a prized pig? Yeah.

CAUTION THIS IS A JOKE please for the love of Kevin don't cancel me over this

2/10 why the 2? Cause there's fics out there man I know it

6. Zuse

He's so babygirl

Clu even mixed him a drink before he blew him up

I love their dynamic I get the feeling if Clu had to spend more than 5 minutes around him he'd strangle him much sooner

Stoic asshole with the silly asshole

Honestly they're perfect for each other

10/10 what can I say? I'm a simple program I see two men interact and I rate them

Special mention:

7. Quorra

Now some of you might say, hey Puddle Girl, this isn't homoerotic at all she's a girl

Well they're programs so gender isn't real and also they're bi so it counts

Anyway I thought about this one cause there was this weird tense moment towards the end of the movie where Quorra is captured and Clu's just like, talking to her and touches her hair and it was uncomfortable but it also made me feel some type of way

Like I understand that it's 100% a power play BUT

😏

3/10 he was gonna add her to the boyfriend collection cause all he does is steal from Kevin

Hi in honor of my Tron themed birthday I finally finished this. I was really reaching for some of these as you can see but I can't take it too seriously anyway. I'm always here for the gay of it all but is it homoerotic or do they just need to put more people who aren't men in this franchise? We'll literally never know! 🙃

Hey @soihadthisdreamonce I'm sorry 5-10 business days turned into 5-10 business weeks I was moving and time got away from me but I didn't forget you

[hobimo]

im now up to date on the namkook wolf fic. still banger. sorry

anyway. might get cancelled for this but the namkook a/b/o fic is like............................... really good. sorry ill see myself out

[octuscle]

Vamos a la Playa

Thomas had thought that the flights from Düsseldorf to Mallorca were already a punishment. As beautiful as the island was, on the way there, the owners of fincas in the Serra de Tramuntana or townhouses in Santa Catalina mixed with the boozers and party animals who were on their way to El Arenal or Cala Rajada. But as unpleasant as these people were at the airport or on the plane, that was no comparison to what he was experiencing right now at Stansted. His flight with British Airways had been canceled, he had had to rebook on Ryanair. And instead of a comfortable seat in business class, he was about to have to squeeze into a middle seat in row 34. Thomas took a deep breath. In four hours, he would be in his car, pop the top, and drive through the evening toward his home in Artà.

Waiting at the gate were mostly young men. Most of them already drunk. Playing each other videos on their cell phones. Listened to loud music from boomboxes. All with far too much hand luggage. Undisciplined pushers. When Thomas finally arrived at his seat, it smelled of beer and sweat. There wasn't a cubic centimeter of space left in the overhead compartment for his Louis Vuitton Weekender. And the two young men to his right and left completely ignored his presence, chatting over him in barely intelligible English. Even before the plane took off, Thomas was annoyed. It was cramped, noisy, it stank. The two men to his right and left stretched regularly so that he had their hairy armpits right in his face. And the pinnacle was when the lad in the aisle seat farted loudly and stinkily. First booming laughter from his pals. Then a laughing "Sorry mate, I think I need to take a shit." If that was supposed to be an apology, it was more than questionable. He was getting woozy. Maybe he should take the opportunity that the aisle seat was free, and also go to the toilet once. Of course, both toilets were occupied. The first one that became free was the one of his seat neighbor. "Mate, believe me, you don't want to go there right now." said the young man with an admittedly disarming smile. And farted once more. Thomas now urgently needed to go to the toilet himself. He pushed past his seatmate and closed the door behind him. What a terrible stench. Thomas tried to hold his breath. But he couldn't. And then he had to fart himself. Louder and stronger than ever before in his life. He felt sick from his own stench. And had to vomit into the airplane toilet.

When he stood again and washed his face, he stared into the mirror. Hadn't he been wearing his jacket when he'd gone to the bathroom? And why was he wearing tennis socks and bathing slippers? He had worn his loafers without socks… He was completely confused. Must have been the stench. He shuffled back to his seat. Now he needed a beer. The cans in his weekender were still reasonably cool. He offered Liam and Shane, his seat neighbors, a beer as well. And all three emptied the cans down the drain. Thomas clearly decided the final burping contest in his favor. By the time they were on approach to Palma, the beer and liquor supplies of the three had been eliminated. Liam was already totally drunk again. The lanky fella just couldn't handle anything. The fact that he had pissed his pants while sleeping off his intoxication was fortunately not visible in the already wet shiny training pants. Of his pals, Tom was clearly the most muscular. He liked to show off his biceps. T-shirts were for wimps, he had only packed a couple of tank tops and undershirts for the two weeks of Magaluf. Two more swim trunks and a change of shorts. Everything he needed fit in his fake MCM backpack.

His parents were happy when he announced his arrival at their vacation home with a video call. Tom had kept quiet about the fact that Liam had made a mess of the bathroom while puking, and that Shane had shagged a horny blonde he'd met on the bus to Magaluf in his parents' bed immediately after arriving. The Polish cleaning lady would get silence and pain money next week. And until then, the three of them would drink and fuck like it was only possible on Mallorca.

[kuromipuzzles2000]

I'm thinking well if i should try re-take Swap AU...even if people tell me to block, from Twitter/X i learned that block is very childish by part of who gets harassed, supposed words of people when someone is attacked and they suddenly block

maybe...i just came from a very toxic place to be honest, by other side if Swap AU returns i still want do the "Guardian of Popstar" AU because i always wanted make something with Kirby (that Mr. Puzzles will learn to reform yes or yes with this lil fella taking care of him)

and could be an opportunity to replace Puzzle Piece Mr Puzzles, i no want move his story move because it was a very childish movement of me create this version, not gonna reveal why, but yeah "Guardian of Popstar" would definitely replace "Puzzle Piece" so Puzzle Piece AU is definitely canceled (no think anyone got to remember this mf, he was created right after SMGP and since Trickster Mr. Puzzles arrived, he had been hold in hiatus)

sometimes a good sleep can help you think better the things, last night my head was about to explode ngl

i think i am ready to go now well, think is all things i needed tell ya guys, tonight things will arrive and hope you're ready for them bu-bye

[6chimeraqueen9]

Fellas i set a buy for a muichiro plush in aliexpress, but someone who got theirs first sent a pic in the comments of the post and it didn't look like the one advertised, should i cancel it??

[gunslinginnhogtyin]

( 80’s AU started w/ @foxedthecards 🪄)

Butch hadn’t anticipated the amount of stress that came from the Rockstar lifestyle. When his manager presented him with the opportunity to leave his home town, his father’s farm, to become something bigger—how could he refuse? While he adored the farm life, his father was unbearable. He had been desperate for some sort of escape when Darlene had essentially swooped in and and turned his life upside down.

It was enticing, the glamour, the freedom to express himself through his music, his only escape—the attention he wasn’t so big on despite how nice the validation felt. He tended to find himself easily overwhelmed by crowds, so much so that it was easier to get trashed before going on stage for a performance. His tendency to drink was becoming more and more consistent so it wasn’t like he couldn’t function but it probably wasn’t good for him anyway, especially if he went overboard. His manager would chide him often about his public image and how if he wasn’t careful, his fame could be taken away as easily as it had been given to him. So… he was careful. As careful as a wreckless guy like him could be anyway.

He was no longer sheltered or confined, he was apart of the real world and it was so much larger than the town he had grown up in. There was so much to explore, so much to experience, and for that reason he would often find himself apart of some spectacle for acting out. Not that he ever intended for it to happen, it just did. Like the time he had shown up at the wrong venue and a performance had to be cancelled. His manager was furious and he felt awful for letting his fans down.

More than once, he’d found himself in gossip magazines for causing a ruckus at local bars or spontaneous performances when he was feeling particularly froggy and full of his trusty liquid courage so his manager would often enforce that he stay at his hotel out of the public eye unless she was around to help maintain his image. Well… because of these high expectations, he would often find a way to sneak off to his own devices.

This was one such instance; he finds himself in a smaller bar with much less people than he was used to which was a nice change of pace. He wasn’t swarmed or bombarded with questions or being blinded by photographers apart of the paparazzi. He sits alone at a far off table in the back of the pub, on his third glass of whiskey by now as he contemplates what he wants to do when he leaves the bar. Should he find another one? Maybe he should gamble a little… he’d never done that before! Now that sounded exciting.

But first! One more drink. Finishing his current glass with a satisfied sigh that follows, he makes his way up to the bar up front, feeling particularly giddy, warm, and social right about now. He nudges the first fella he sees who’s seated at stool, “Heya, I need some’un t’cheers with! Y’look like a fella who can hold ‘is liquor.” He says in a slur, wearing a big ol’ smile. “Mind f’I buy ya a drink?”

[octo-not]

Episode 6

The Narwhal

That ship is terrifying

Imagine swimming in the ocean and then a giant, robotic, partially see through octopus starts moving towards you. Nightmare fuel.

Shellington saying he’s excited to meet arctic animals like cpt. Barnacles isn’t right there

Cpt. barnacles didn’t need a helmet to go underwater when he was a kid, why does he need one now?!

I think chocolate would kill a cat, but ok kwazii

When your ship gets brain freeze

I feel like it should be kwazii steering the ship #pirate vibes

The turnips are growing vegetables (presumably to eat).

Fellas, is it cannibalism, or is it giving birth. Asking for a friend.

Man’s got pipes

Shellington, you drama bitch

Who are you sounding the octoalert for? Everyone in there already knows!

If there's no power in the octopod, how can they open the door?

OMG IS IT A NARWHAL?! Wait. of course its a narwhal, that’s what the episode is called.

KWAZII TOOK HIS EYEPATCH OFF. HE’S FAKING A DISABILITY! #kwaziiisoverparty

(I have been informed that this is a strategic decision, and not him faking a disability. We can cancel the canceling.)

Alright, what accent does the narwhal have?

The narwhal is russian.

The narwhal's name is Boris.

Why is the Gup-C so much lamer than the Gup-A and Gup-B

Why is he russian?

Captain Barnacle, bringing the brain and the brawn

Rawr

He does not need that helmet

He’s saying Turnip. The others come out saying their names and Tunip says turnip. The subtitles confirm that Tunip is saying turnip!

I don’t think they’re sailing

Spiral tooth, hell yeah

[jaxteller87]

paintball

THE TEENAGE YEARS

We were coming home after a fun day out, and I asked Kim if I could take Amber to the paintball war room. Her mom liked me for the most part; at least, I felt like she did. I knew her parents were a little old-fashioned, which I respected, so I always made it a point to do things slightly old-school whenever they were around. On the flip side of things, though, when it was just Amber and I— I tended to be a bit more relaxed but still gentlemanly. Regarding the paintball war room, I thought Amber would have a blast. As it would turn out, I was right. The war room was a total wreck; neon paint splashed everywhere like someone went crazy with a paintball gun. Colors were smeared all over the walls, floor, and even the ceiling. It looked like a tornado rolled through a paint shop. It was chaotic, messy, and absolutely perfect. We ducked and dodged, laughed and shouted, letting ourselves get totally lost in the freedom of the moment. When it was time to head back, I could just tell by the look on Amber’s face that she had a better time than she expected. To be honest, I knew she would like it, but she seemed to love it so much that she asked me if Opie and Donna would like to join us next time. The drive back was nice. The setting sun cast a warm orange glow over the road, making it look like some image plucked right from a “Wish You Were Here” West Coast postcard. I was enjoying the hum of the road, as I often do being in the MC, but I guess it wasn’t stimulating enough for Amber. She reached down and turned on the radio. It was strange, almost as if she planned it, but I couldn’t believe the song that was on. Biggie’s “Big Poppa” played through the speakers, and it was just starting. Amber’s eyes lit up, and she turned the volume up loudly. The bass thumped through the truck, and Amber began singing along.

“I love it when you call me Big Poppa Throw your hands in the air if youse a true player I love it when you call me Big Poppa To the honies gettin’ money playin’ fellas like dummies I love it when you call me big poppa.

You got a gun up in your waist; please don’t shoot up the place.

’Cause I see some ladies tonight that should be havin’ my baby. Uh!” I took the opportunity to add my little contribution to the song:

“Baby!”

Laughing, singing, and smiling, I glanced over at Amber, who was covered head to toe in paint. Her hair was streaked with vibrant colors, creating a wild, beautiful chaos that framed her face. I chuckled and shook my head, thinking that she looked like she just beat the shit out of an army of clowns. Her eyes sparkled like stars, and her cheeks were flushed with excitement. She looked amazing, as always. The neon colors on her skin seemed to glow, highlighting her natural beauty in a way that took my breath away. I wished she could see how wonderful she truly was, how her spirit shone through every playful smear of paint and every carefree laugh. Maybe one day she would see herself the way I saw her in that moment—utterly extraordinary. As the song wrapped up, Amber turned down the radio. “Thank you, Teller. I had a wonderful time today.” “It was my pleasure,” I smiled, pulling into the driveway. I walked her to the front door, where her mother was standing, watering her flowers. “It sure looks like you guys had fun.” “Thanks again, Kim, for letting me take her,” I said. “Of course,” Kim smiled. “So, Amber, do you got anything going on tomorrow?” “Nah, I don’t think so. Just hanging around the house. You?” I shrugged, “Not really.” “You know, you really should hang out with the boys tomorrow. I don’t want them to think I stole you, and then next thing you know, everyone hates me.” Amber said. “Aw, you don’t have to worry about that. But yeah, I should catch up with Ope tomorrow.” “No paintballing without me, though!” She shouted. “Alright, darling,” I laughed, getting back in my truck. The next day, I made plans to go out with some of the guys, but they canceled on me at the last minute. I was just about to call Amber to see if she wanted to do something when I heard Opie’s bike pull into my driveway. “Hey, brother,” Opie said with a nod, walking over to my fridge and grabbing himself a beer. “How’d everything go yesterday?”

“Better than I expected,” I replied as he handed me a beer of my own. “And to be honest, I expected it to go pretty good as it was, so…” “That’s great!” Donna clapped her hands. “You want a drink, babe?” Opie asked her. “No thanks. So, Jax, Amber had a good time then?” I nodded while chugging my beer. “It definitely seemed that way.” “Good!” “Yeah,” I let out a small belch, “Anyway, I got a question for you two. Mainly you, Ope.” “No,” he joked before I could get the first word out. “No?” Donna scoffed. “You really gonna tell me no, Ope?” Opie stared into my eyes like we were on a date. After an awkward pause, he finally said something. “Aw, who can say no to those big old dough-boy eyes of yours?” I rolled those big old dough-boy eyes, “Oh, brother.” “Opie, let the boy speak,” Donna laughed. “I was just thinking that maybe next week we could all go down to the paintball war place in town. I took Amber, and she loved it. She actually asked me if we could all go sometime, so I figured with you guys here and paintball fresh on my mind, now’s a good time to pop the question.” Opie spit out a little of his beer, “Pop the question!?” “Uh, yeah? Why not?” I asked. “Bro, marriage is a huge thing. I know you guys are great together, but that’s a bit quick, don’t you think?” Opie looked like he just saw a ghost. “Marriage?” I reared back. “Ope, I’m just talking about a double date at the paintball place.” “Oh,” Opie looked relieved. He took another sip of his beer, this time almost finishing it. “We’d love to,” Donna smiled. “Yeah… I guess I could go,” Opie chuckled and shook his head. “Great! Double date at the paintball room. I’ll go call Amber and let her know,” Donna said, giving her man a kiss on the cheek before disappearing out of the kitchen.

“I was only joking. I hope you know that,” Opie said. “Oh, I know,” I said, taking a drink of my beer. “Not that I don’t think you guys will get married, but it just seems a little early. These are our teenage years, Jax. Take your time and enjoy them because you only get so many. Less than a decade as a teen, then a lifetime of being an adult.” It was a bit morbid to think these were the best years of our lives, but living in the moment was the way to go. “Yeah, you’re right. Good thing I was talking about giving her a paintball gun and not putting a ring on it.” “That’s probably best for now,” Opie chuckled. “I see a difference in her, though.” “Who? Amber?” He nodded. Amber was a bit hard around the edges when it came to joining in on plans. I think she always felt like a burden to the rest of us like she didn’t fit in, but that wasn’t the case. She and Donna are practically best friends, and even Donna says she’s distant at times. I knew that doing things as a group made Amber more likely to join in, and, like Ope said, the difference was noticeable. “I don’t know if it’s because we give her the confidence or what, but Amber is the reason why I don’t put up a fight to do things.” “What are you boys whispering about?” Donna walked back into the room. “Oh, nothing, honey,” Ope said, leaning back in his chair. A few weeks later, we were at the paintball place. Paint was flying everywhere. “Teller! Winston!” the girls both yelped as we carried out our well-thought-out ambush. Just as they rounded one of the corners, Ope and I descended upon them, each of us tossing a paint grenade at their feet before letting go of a relentless barrage of semi-automatic paintballs. A few days later, I was flipping through the pictures Donna took. Every time we hang out, she makes sure to snap at least one shot of us together. Says it’s for when we’re old and gray, so we’ve got something to look back on. She had managed to snap a picture of Opie and Amber laughing, looking at each other. “You know, he told me what you guys were talking about when I went inside the other day,” Donna admitted, breaking the silence. “Is that so?” I responded, still staring at the picture. The image of Opie and Amber laughing together captured a rare, genuine moment. “He’s right. There’s a difference in her. I don’t know if it’s partly because you two finally gave in to your feelings for each other or if it’s because we do things as a group that she’s finally coming out of her shell,” Donna said, her tone thoughtful.

“Honestly, I think it’s both,” I smiled.

[adultswim2021]

Yappy Broads #1 | February 22, 2010 (online) | Pilot

Yappy Broads isn’t too complicated to explain. It’s a The View style women’s program with five “women”, four of which are men in drag doing very little to actually act like women. We got Larry Dorf, Tommy Blacha, Earthquake, and Dino Stamatopoulos all wearing freaking dresses and dang-ass woman wigs. Their straight woman is Shandi Finnessey, an actual former beauty queen. One could sexistly say that she is there to look hot, but that would suggest that anyone else involved had some other higher purpose for being there.

First they talk to a woman peddling a workout for your face called “Facersize”. There’s chatter about various topics of the day, and then Corey Feldman stinks it up by hawking his CD and his bad Lost Boys sequel. Have you seen it? I haven’t, but I bet it’s bad. The closing credits feature a close-up of Shandi holding a shaky bunny rabbit, which is pretty nice. 

The entire thing is ad-libbed, with a group of funny fellas all chiming in with attempts to be funny. There are moments that show promise, and they usually involve Dino being cantankerous. It seems highly edited down, yet the highlights are still sparse. The single defining moment of this show is Earthquake commenting on a nose exercise: “you know how much cocaine you could do with your nose like this? (no audience response) You be tore up! (no laughter).” To be fair to the show, I did laugh at that, but not in a nice way.

There’s something special about watching TV go off the rails. But this seems like it was designed to already be off the rails. I didn’t really enjoy this. I can’t tell if the problem is that they’ve edited it down too much or if they didn’t edit it down enough. I would love to see the unedited taping of these segments to judge for myself. Even if this were especially funny, it still seems a little wrong to air something like this on a weekly basis.

Anyway, Shandi Finnessey has only done one nude photoshoot and it was for Peta.

MAIL BAG

The Simpsons has killed off its beloved character Larry Dalrymple or "Larry The Barfly." Thoughts on this development? Memories to share? Comments? Questions? Dyns?

I actually watched some of a YouTube video about this and the commenter took issue with the story of the episode being about Larry being lonely and left-out Homer and his friend's fun adventures, because they observed that Larry seemed like he was friends with the hat guy, and that it was a horrible omission. Like the writers should just be presenting an episode that strives to not contradict the previous 800 episodes instead of doing a specific, interesting story. Seemed like a baby-brained way of complaining about the show. My baby-brained takes on cartoons are the only takes that truly matter.

Soul Quest Overdrive has the leader of the proud boys as a voice actor on the show. He was the one who spearheaded that whole January 6th insurrection thing back in 2021, the one that every news outlet was comparing to 9/11 when it was really more like the world's biggest temper-tantrum. He blamed the show being cancelled on the other VA's "Not being as funny" as him.

It's weird how I've hated that guy for as long as I've known about him, and him doing a 180 politics-wise did nothing to affect his standings. But January 6th is maybe the hardest I've ever laughed at anything, so I guess he does deserve some credit.

I don't really know WHY they changed them to sports equipment, this is pure conjecture, but maybe AS felt like having 2 food shows on at the same time was a bit too cheap/cash grabby, so they changed them to differentiate it a bit more. I know they've shot down shows related to hell and food when Development Meeting was still running since they hit that well so many times.

Yeah, that actually does sell the case for it being a creative decision. Maybe it's not sneaky at all, what they're doing.

As for "Eggball", if you look closely on the pinball machine you can see black shake as a decal on it, still on (HBO)max. They can erase a HNIC but they can never erase history.

I had read about black guy cup being on the machine, but I simply must admit that I did not notice it myself!!! Not sure what those letters mean there, but I'm going to assume that none of them are slurs and publish this immediately without looking it up.

[sonicasura]

I might as well say this now but Peppino Spaghetti is the type to end up getting a very unconventional therapy companion. The dude is a confirmed war veteran by the game's creator, McPig, and trying to keep a struggling business afloat will add further stress. Gustavo would bring up the idea but Peppino just shuts it down for two reasons.

One is he doesn't have the money as he is poor broke. The second is war veterans have to fight an uphill battle just to get their benefits. Peppino rather not end up on the streets from a long draining attempt.

He appreciates the suggestion Gustavo offers and continues. Fate absolutely has other plans as Peppino gets night time guest he would never see coming. Now when I mean unconventional therapy companion, I really fucking mean it.

To put how insane it is then my example for this thought is gonna be a Shiny Heatran. Basically the fellow right here for non Pokemon fans! 5'07 tall and 948 pound Fire/Steel Type with boiling hot magma like blood.

Not something Peppino wanted to find in his kitchen especially when its obvious the creature is hungry. He had a still fresh order of food that a customer had cancelled so what he did next was obvious. Good news is the Heatran loves pizza. Bad news(not really) the fella now won't leave Peppino alone.

The Pokemon keeps showing up at his pizzeria look a lost puppy. Snuggling against him like an oversized cat whenever possible or follow Peppino everywhere. Gustavo thinks its cute and funny as the large creature been harmless.

Then like the gremlin he is, the smaller chef suggests Peppino have the Heatran be his therapy companion. He absolutely told Gustavo he was crazy but relented just to avoid a possible lawsuit for 'unknown/unaffiliated creature in the establishment'. Peppino seals the deal by naming the Heatran Fedra(it means bright or brilliant in Italian).

Best decision he ever made cause oh boy does his companion take the job seriously. Pests, from rats to awful customers, Fedra makes sure they never come back. Can't light the brick oven? Apparently whatever he is can breath a nice strong flame perfect to cook pizza with.

Peppino saves money for heating as Fedra radiates enough heat to warm up his entire apartment if needed. Also all the food he makes doesn't go to waste should a customer cancel their order. Fedra is the perfect size to help ground Peppino should an episode happen.

The unique heartbeat under warm rugged metal became something that makes the pizza chef feel safe. Fedra takes her (unofficial) job quite seriously as any threat to Peppino and his colleague is met with fire or steely headbutts. Then he's back to being a silly goofball who likes rubbing against the pizza chefs akin to a cat.

Pizza Tower is definitely going to be even more chaotic with Fedra involved. Word of advice to any egomaniacal pizzas who tries this stunt. Don't mess with a business protected by a powerful guardian beast from a different world.

[aussied]

So I started reading the Percy Jackson series...

*creeps on up in here*

Hi yes hello

So I have been reading through the Percy Jackson series for the first time because the Pinterest algorithm kept saying that the characters in my original story were similar to characters from Percy Jackson, and I had apparently unknowingly been pinning fanart as inspiration for years. So finally I was like "Yeah okay, I should read the books since apparently I already love the characters." and yanno what! I DO love the characters! I blew through The Lightning Thief book and enjoyed it. Then I made the mistake of watching the 2010 the movie and had an unhinged meltdown livetweeting about it on Twitter. I can post that on here if you guys want because I think I traveled to another plane of existence [negative] while watching it and received psychic damage. At one point I was in so much disbelief about the quality of the movie and the changes that they made that I fell into a bout of distressed laughter that I couldn't stop until I started coughing, so that's great. I just finished The Sea of Monsters book last night, but I'm gonna give myself a few days before I watch that movie because HHHHH I am not ready. I watched the trailer right after I finished the book and already had my head in my hands going "Why did they make those unnecessary changes??!" It's gonna be a ROUGH ONE FELLAS. I am already suffering. I am sosososososososososoSO thrilled about the D+ series coming this winter. Oh my GOSH. I'm incredibly sorry to the fandom who only had those Fox movies as their only adaptations for so long. That SUCKS. I'm hoping and praying that the series is as good as the trailers look. I think it'll do very well as a series rather than a movie, since the chapters are so episodic in the first book especially. I just hope that The Mouse™ doesn't cancel it prematurely. ANYWAY. I'm in that fun (horrible) state of jumping into the fandom pool where I am stoked to look at tags and search up fanart of characters, but having only read 2/7 books, I absolutely can't do that yet, because I don't want to get spoiled. I already am foaming at the mouth ready to meet a specific character that I see everywhere, but I don't think they show up until like two more books. Ahh! I hope they are as baby as the fanart I've seen has been. Luckily I've only been spoiled on two things so far... I'm kinda plugging my ears and going "lalalala!!" for how until I can blast through more of the books. Uhhhhh that's it! Not really a point to this post. It's just me waving hello to the Percy Jackson fandom I guess. Hello there! I hope to browse your tags and have A Very Normal Time about this series when I'm safely through it all!

[ntimmel]

Stand-up Comedy: GenX & Cancel Culture

For reasons I’ll never understand, both sides of the political spectrum believe that cancel culture is something the other side invented, and that the other side practices.

Except, both sides do it.

The left immediately excludes anyone who dares to make a joke about a sensitive topic.

The right excommunicates anyone who doesn’t swear absolute fealty to the Cheeto God.

What happened to just living your own life, and letting others live theirs?

Maybe it’s a symptom of being so unhappy with ourselves, we feel the need to champion change in others. It’s always easier to yell about what someone else is doing than to change yourself. 

Well, this is certainly a somewhat serious description for a video that is designed to get a laugh out of the viewer.

(The live audience certainly enjoyed the bit, which was nice.)

Then again, maybe it’s all tapping on a keyboard in search of the proper algorithm-friendly buzzwords; things that will make YouTube say, “Hey… This fella here has over 100,000,000 views, and 140,000 subscribers… Maybe we should put him into more feeds.”

Nah.

That would make too much sense, wouldn’t it?

(Of course, you need to alter those numbers when it comes to Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok, but you get the picture.)

Either way, enjoy.

Have a giggle, and move on with your day with a smile upon your face.