#who knows. maybe Im overthinking everything. maybe im fine. maybe it’s gonna be ok. but I don’t know | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

beann-e · 4 years ago

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long drabble of me dreaming my favorite haikyu characters are power hungry Hollywood stars that the industries made into assholes

also to thank everyone for 600 followers !! 😯

Tw! kuroo slander, akaashi slander, pushover y/n, emotional manipulation at its finest

I promise there was a point in time when we were I know we were I- I know I was

Yet , why are we sitting in front of a small old lady who's telling me we're both liars

That we were never that— we were never

" happy? " your voice came out short a small scoff of a laugh leaving your wide opened mouth

" y-you �� he's happy — we're — I — I am happy " your eyes darted around the room looking for a shining piece to focus on for your jumpy eyes to land on

" he-he's happy I-i'm happy " your breathing quickened

" w-we — what is happy exactly anyways" you screamed

" w-what is it " you screamed at the top of your lungs rattling everything in the room ,everything , everyone ,and every nerve

" you can't feel it —you'll never feel it don’t--dont harp on it " a deep voice came out

" it's ok — really " your body tensed as you still felt everything inside you going haywire your eyes moved over to the person you once knew

the person who sat on the opposite end of the shared couch trying to move as far away from you as possible or that's what he wanted to do

" I-I - am I — why "

his voice came out stoic and short " you don't have the ability to"

his hand moved down his face " we're not happy because you can't be "

your body shook you felt the room going cold arms locking around yourself you need to be held you needed to be told you were right that everyone else was wrong this had gone on for too long

" come on get over here " he smiled softly

" come on pretty girl " he moved his head to show a smile on his face as you quietly moved shifting your body a bit over to him

" almost there come on I won't hurt you " your body stopped

" who said anything about hurting me "

he paused a small thought in the back of his mind coming to light

' damn i've screwed up '

" y/n hey — " you moved back to your end of the couch faster then he could reach out to grab hold of you " shit y— "

" do you two tend to always go back and forth like this "

the old lady sat watching " you , y/n , convincing yourself of something thats nothing shy from wrong and you , akaashi convincing her that everything's ok" akaashi's hands dropped and so did his smile

' asshole I knew he was faking '

" are you blaming me? " his voice came out tough and questioning almost as if daring her to answer correctly knowing that would ruin his image of himself and cause him to overthink your entire relationship

" i've done nothing but be there for my wife , for my love"

he turned to look at you panic spread in his eyes as the gears in his brain started to turn his thoughts already leading his mind down the path of overthinking" y/n we don't need this — let's go i'll call kuroo an—"

" no " you screamed " h-he can't help kuroos — he's just as bad please g-go away "

you pulled your knees to your chest as his eyebrow raised his eyes slowly moving down to your feet that sat on the edge of the couch a low cough coming out of his throat as he moved his gaze between the heels of your feet that were placed on the couch and the lady that sat in front of you

you dropped your feet quickly and moved back to a nice position your arms thrown over your crossed legs and back straightened your shades moved down on your nose— earrings hanging loosely to your ears and hair styled to perfection rivaling your inside appearance

Your hand came up to smooth out the dress that you wore for presentation hands playing with the fabric of the item

" you look fine y/n " akaashi’s voice came out soft. The lady in front of you smiled at the male to your left knowing a compliment could go a long way right now with the dark energy that had been placed in the room

you could feel his code for ‘ your being extra now y/n “

" really I mean it " he pressed " did you hear me "

‘ stop right now or your gonna give us away ‘

you quickly jumped " y-yes so sorry for not answering the first time I — "

" it's ok y/n we don't mind " the old lady’s voice rang out in understanding

" she's right we came here for you so — "

" no you two originally came here for you —that is what i was told by miss y/n "

he looked away and to his side staring at the window trying to calm himself down he was never one to show his anger he’d always played it off so well behind his calming persona but, his mind —his mind was anything but calm.

" y/n did you want to keep going " the old lady questioned eyes glowing and darting over you pristine appearance you really did look like the definition of money to her

your head moved in a small motion to look at akaashi out of the corner of your eye seeing his gaze on you as everything in the room slowed to a stop when his gaze moved to the door behind the older lady your eyes darted to the door seeing kuroo walking in a small smirk on his face

" actually miss y/n can't — we have an interview in 10" the old ladies face moved into a happy and excited smile you praying to the gods she wasn’t one of those people

" oh — kuroo " she screamed out In shock

the tiny bit of hope for help you’d finally thought you had a hold on left your body immediately with the knowing thought of ‘she’s a—

" I-i'm a — i'm a fan — I— "

he smiled down on the older lady pulling her into a hug as his eyes stayed locked on yours a wink coming out of the motion as akaashi turned his head back to the woman at hand ignoring his ‘friends ‘ advance on his wife " I love to meet my fans— especially when their as pretty as you "

" you are even sweeter than they show you on tv —you charmer you "

" i'm no charmer — i'm just being honest " he laughed " your pretty well set up here "

he looked to you " I see why she decided to come here —actually it's a bit nicer than I expected —inside seeing as though it's in the middle of no where and kinda I guess trashy on the outside "

he was picking on you with his words explaining codes that only you could get ‘ you picked the furthest place away from me and I still found you are you stupid ‘

the old lady smiled " yeah it's for people - like y/n here who don't want to be found out you know "

he smiled " yeah I get it — your a saint for doing things like this — y/n's never had anyone who can take care of her let alone listen like I can —I mean her husband yeah but he’s kind of unavailable but me im there always anytime any-day—she wants a lot from me she’s a beggar by nature y’know “ he sighed as you winced at his next words

“ everyone always seems to be out for her money or really just using her talents for their own benefits —making her seem stupid really. They exploit all of her—well she really only has them but her weakness—“ he looked at you from the corner of his eyes before he laughed “ like gullibility “

" I feel bad —really I'm always here if she wanted to come back "

he looked to you as she asked " do we want to come back y/n? "

‘this choice is not yours ‘

she smiled as kuroo moved a bit more to the middle of the room where the couch and chairs were placed his eyes sharply pointed at you " your always open to come back y/n "

‘ come back to another therapist and ruin your image like this again I dare you ‘

you smiled small at kuroos offer " no actually i'm fine I — I got to say what I wanted "

" that's good — that's nice — if you wanted to say more or talk when you have time y/n just call kenma he'll set up a professional ride for you "

he moved to talk with the older lady " and you — is there anything you need —- payment maybe for the time she did take up "

" oh uh no no for free on the house "

" what no —no i'll leave something for you " kuroo moved to grab his wallet as he sat a hundred yen coin on the table on top of a book that caused him to look twice with a squint his hand moving to rub over it anger obvious to anyone who knew the real him behind his outside appearance.

You shrinking when he rolled his shoulders back to you it looked like he was releasing anger to not snap at you and calm himself down but to everyone else it seemed like he was just stretching

" woah — this is actually a really cool notebook “ his voice went low “ y/n did you see this notebook”

‘ did she write anything about you in here —anything at all ‘

you shook your head slightly causing him to skyrocket and land to that space in his head that always pissed him off.

" yeah I use it for all my daily messages—everything my clients say too— it's one of a kind "

" oh really " he laughed at her words laying charm on discreetly knowing it wouldn’t take much " so I wouldn't be able to find it even if I wanted to — that's kinda cool but kinda sucky at the same time "

he smiled as she moved to pick up the book and hold it out to him " n-no you can find it look it's right here in your hands take it please free of charge "

he shook his head " I could never — you said you had stuff in there—your clients private information in —in this book of yours "

" nothing too important—they wouldn’t mind and it also has everything I wrote for y/n in there it’s up to her anyways if you read it so just take it "

he reached out and grabbed the book " see now I have to leave you with something please is there anything you want I mean— "

he looked her dead in the eyes but you could feel every word he said being directed to you " I hate to leave people unsatisfied "

she shook her head before speaking cutely she was completely out of her mind, she’d not only granted kuroo the access to your private health screening but now accepting his money and offer

‘ can fame really allow anyone to break rules ? do people love their stars this much ? ‘

" just — just an autograph would do great " he smiled moving faster than light as he held the notebook moving over to the woman's poster on the wall

" oh I see i'm already up here " he laughed as he grabbed a sharpie off her desk and scribbled his autograph all over his face on the poster " and ta-dah"

she smiled and mumbled out a thank you as he moved to hug her akaashi getting up and walking towards the door this wasn’t how this was suppose to go this was supposed to be the day you got out of their hands out of the industries hands

" thank you so much for what you did today " he said as akaashi moved to speak

" thank you ma'am for your time " the two males moved to the doorway as the lady followed them closely behind to the door to close it when they left

" no problem I have another person coming in soon so I hate to cut this short " she said as her voice came out with meaning

' oh she's talking to me ' you were still sitting there on the couch face to the floor as you hesitated to bring it up to face the two males in front of you

Your hands shaking as your finger played with your clothes again the hem of your dress in between your pointer and thumb

" love , let's go " Akaashi spoke a smile showing through his words your legs locked as you didn't move your lips trembling eyes glazed over but your shades doing you justice and covering them from everyone in the room

Or at least those who didn't know already — those who hadn't been through this already which was only one person here and she wasn't either of the 6"0 tall males that stood across from you

You body jumped as your heard a loud snap travel through the room

' those are his fingers he just snapped at me —like an animal '

you looked up to see kuroo smiling his finger made up in a snap showing he'd done just what you thought he did his hand moving to only one finger pointing to the space next to him his hand low to not pull the ladies attention to his motions

" y/n come over here " his voice was still light but held everything that you knew he meant behind it " we have an interview in 5 minutes "

your legs shook wobbly before standing

your body moving over to the males before walking out the lady smiling before closing the door kuroos grip on your upper arm strong as you three made your way to the black car parked out front as he yanked you in the backseat after him , gnashing his teeth before fixing his suit and tie body scooting over to allow more space. Akaashi scooting in to trap you in the middle kuroo hitting the drivers shoulder two times signaling them to drive

The car was quiet akaashi looking out the window his pointer finger drumming on his pants leg kuroo staring straight ahead at the back of the drivers seat

Your eyes let the tears drop that you held back in the room as kuroos hand swiped at the shades you wore flinging them across the car and straight in between akaashi's feet as he moved to pick them up and grip them tightly in his own hands going back to calmly looking out the window ignoring the scene that was about to take place next to him

" take these fucking glasses off—your not fucking fooling anyone "

your body shook at the action " are you mad—mad at me " you said softly your voice barely a whisper kuroo didn't even have it in him to scoff " I sense i've made a mistake " you kept going

" oh you sense huh " akaashi's voice came out in a short laugh before his mouth closed speaking quietly to himself“ god how can someone be so — so dense and just lack so much —” he sighed “ intelligence “

"your so fucking " kuroos voice came out loud as he gripped his pants in a strong hold

" so so so fucking stupid " he said anger present in his voice trying to put emphasis on his words that were attacking you and shaking you only making it harder to look at either men in the car

" you — I swear on my fucking life — y/n — if you go in here and fuck up — "

he put up one finger " one — one fucking time "

he wanted to make sure you understood

" ill fuck you up y/n I swear — one time that's it that's all do you understand me "

your mouth moved tears moving into it as akaashi spoke for you voice dry he was just so tired of this so tired of the constant yelling and mistreatment you were put through all because you weren’t smart enough as a child to choose a different dream job "trust she gets it — she heard it the first time "

he moved to speak under his breath " she's heard it many times "

the car stopped as kuroo turned to face you his hand cupping your cheeks his pointer on your cheek and thumb on your chin holding you in a death grip making you look at him

" i'm repeating myself because you've shown me your nothing more than a stupid chick who can read a script— so lemme say it one more time " his eyes were hard on yours his face showing no remorse for the painful emotion shown on your face

" if you go in this interview and fuck up once — even so much as take a restroom break to go sniff whatever the fuck mattsukawa had you do last time — i'll fuck you up so bad they'll think your next role is a horror movie and your the fucking monster "

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burgerkang000 · 4 years ago

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Email for better love lives

I HAVE A NAME FOR THIS ONE YAAAAAY

im doing the read more thing, cuz u know scrolling ugh

@beyoncesdragon @aixy-hpsa (if anyone else wanna be tagged, let me know!!!)

This is a Yunho fic!

enjoy?

You met San at a compulsory public speaking class, where only you both had to attend for grades; it was filled with nerds who came voluntarily. And your bond begin with bored out glances at each other and loud sighs exchanged. And after that you guys hung out a lot, went to get coffee while doing homework, caught rides with each other, and waved whenever your paths crossed.

You met Yunho when San wanted you to meet his friends that he wouldn’t stop talking about, which made you slightly jealous; you yearned for a bond like that. You pushed that thought away, nothing good comes with jealousy. And while San and his friends would go about their own business, you would stick to the side-lines, not knowing what to say or do, even though they try their best to include you.

Yunho would be the one to keep you company, actively telling you about his day and attentively listen when you were asked about yours. He would also help you study and take you out to grab coffee when San would be too busy.

Anyone would be a fool to not fall for Yunho, with his smile that make his eyes crinkle at the corners, teeth on display, fluffy hair. Who wouldn’t fall for him, at least you could keep it inside, and no one had to know.

“Look at Yunho in this picture, he looks so handsome” San shows you the pictures from your quick break before the exams to the arcade. You take a glance, damn. You know that the moment you open your mouth, you’re screwed.

“Hmm”

“I don’t like it when you’re vague”

“Yes Yunho is cute” That’s all you plan on saying anyways, but you had to panic, because what if San thinks you’re not commenting on it too much and picks up that you’re crushing on Yunho? Ok, so you were overthinking.

“Too cute that it’s impossible he exists, I mean I see him every day but it’s not like I believe he’s real, there is a limit to being cute and all. I mean a recreation of a Greek god- I mean he should be a Greek God himself-”

You were cut short by San’s exploding laughter and as you voice your confusion to him, he still laughs until you violently shake him-

“Yah! Why are you laughing?”

He finally calms down enough to tell you-

“Just say you have a crush on him”

You open your mouth to deny-

“Admit it~” He says scrolling through his phone again.

You huff out, San was your best (read: only) friend, it wouldn’t hurt to tell him, so you nod the tiniest bit, and San grins from ear to ear.

“I mean, I didn’t see it coming, but when you started rambling off like that, it was obvious.”

You sigh.

“You tell this to anyone, I will personally murder you”

“Sure sure”

And after that, he thankfully let you change the topic.

Ever since then, whenever you’d meet Yunho, right after that, you’d whip out your phone to text San; something vague like-

“He’s wearing a red sweater”

“He dyed his hair blue!”

“Kill me”

And then you’d go home and text San about how a person; a human, cannot simply be so beautiful, and ramble off about him.

“But sir, I don’t have an email” You tell the professor, who has just asked to submit your assignment by mail.

“Don’t whine to me, and make one, is there a student your age without email? How do you have social media accounts?”

“I don’t have them” you reply

“Just make one, it’s extremely useful, and won’t take much of your time” He said, in a brushing off manner, guess he doesn’t believe you.

You nod and sigh as you leave to the next class. If you can’t whine to your professor, you can whine to Yunho. Who listens to the whole thing like the god damn angel he is, and as you open your phone to create one, he gently coaxes it out of your hand, asks you if it’s okay if he creates one for you instead and when you nod he turns his attention to the phone, while you’re just dumbly staring at your hand, where Yunho’s hand made contact with yours.

“Look, I sent my self a mail using yours, lets chat on mail for a while, you can get used to it” He says, you nod, and talk for a while, and then Yunho had to go. You wave at him while he leaves and you text San.

“What’s your mail?”

And when you finally get it, you send him a mail.

URGENT: JEONG YUNHO TOUCHED MY HAND, I REPEAT JEONG YUNHO TOUCHED MY HAND, MOM COME PICK ME UP PLEASE.

I MEAN HE WAS FABULOUS TODAY TO, IF IT WASN’T OBVIOUS; HIS HAIR WAS SO SOFT I CLIKED A PIC, LOOK:

[Image attached]

DO ME A FAVOUR, WHEN I DIE, SIT ON THE VERY SAME CHAIR HE’S SITTING ON, LOOK AT THE SAME DEIRECTION HE’S LOOKING AT AND BURY ME THERE, WHILE YOUR AT IT PRINT THIS ON MY GRAVESTONE.

WHEN I DIE PLEASE TELL HIM I LOVE HIM IN THE OTHER WAY.

BYEBYE

Later that day you get a reply from San saying that you’re too dramatic and an email from Yunho, which you didn’t think much about the time. He was the one who wanted to talk in mail, so you open it and-

And you realise you accidently send it to him too.

*cue freak out*

“So I must have send it to him too-” San blinks at you for a while and then-

Laughs at your face saying random things like

“This is gold”

“Nonononono”

“Never in my life- never”

At this point, you think he’s just spewing English vines that he’s been watching a bit too much to be considered healthy. And now you’re overcome with sadness, and as soon as he notices, he starts apologising and you bow you head, you think you look like a rag doll, and then cry. And san runs circles on you back, occasionally tucking strands of hair behind you ear and wait till you finish.

After a good while of snot- running type of crying, puffy eyes and ringing ears, you start to ramble, a habit that got you here in the first place.

“I don’t think I’m ready for rejection, I mean I was perfectly fine watching him from the side-lines. Heck I would watch him get married and I’d probably say nothing, like I’m not dying inside, proceed to get married, I’m crying tears of happiness-”

“What makes you so sure that he’s going to reject you?”

“I don’t know ok? But this isn’t a movie, he sees me as a friend and I had to go and catch feelings for him.”

San sighs.

“So, what’re you going to do now?”

It was hard, but you finally managed to blackmail San to help you avoid Yunho situations.

“And how long do you plan to do this?”

“Until my plane ticket and Visa to Alaska are approved and I change my name to Veronica Fall”

He looks at you, and the look speaks for itself, you’re being dramatic. You raise your arms in mock surrender and flop on top of the bed.

“Tomorrow everyone is hanging out, Yunho will be there, you coming?”

You pointedly grin at his cheeky expression, and he mimics the way you had surrendered just a few moments ago.

You stare at the response you had given to all the missed calls from Yunho.

I’m busy

Sorry, I was showering

I’m going to be busy for a while.

And you watch as the three dots move, and then stop and then move again, you feel as if your heartbeat moves along with those dots, stopping when it disappears, and then finally a response.

We need to talk, I gave you your time, and it’s not fair.

You feel like this is a new side of Yunho you haven’t seen, an assertive one. And you realise, just because you’re a coward, doesn’t mean that you can leave Yunho in the dark, even though you have fears of Yunho leaving you, getting awkward; deep down, you know, that Yunho, he’d never treat your feelings as something useless. And that makes you feel more in love.

And who knows unrequited love may not be so bad, maybe, just maybe; for Yunho it might not be so bad.

Fine

After sending the last text, you get up to clean the place, take out boxes littered about, and books and papers all lying about that you haven’t cared to put away. You do the dishes, and tie your hair into a pony, you’re distracting yourself from the real problem of facing him, for now you let yourself do it; later, you can scream at yourself.

And a right when you reach for the broomstick that you had tucked in deep behind the storage room; you hear a knock at your door.

You don’t think much about it, until you open the door. Low and behold; Yunho was standing at the doorway, a determined look on his face and he walks past you into the house.

You can’t help but think; geez, come on in. But you’re just salty.

And he opens his phone and shows it at your face, too close to read, practically in between your eyes, its touching your nose too. And you’re the dramatic one.

“Explain; explain this email, that was, I figure, supposed to be sent to San, explain why you’ve been avoiding me and my calls, and wherever I go right after I replied to this, I’m not going or letting you go until you do.”

And his voice cracks at the end bit, but you don’t notice, you’re in a bubble of thinking; thinking how to phrase this, just overthinking; maybe.

And moments which feel like hours pass, and you decide to do this the ripping off the band aid way. But it turned out more like the ramble it off way

“I like you? No, no that came out wrong… I love you? Yes, I’m pretty sure I love you, and don’t worry I know you’re not into me that way-”

And you don’t know what really happened; there was a hand on your face, right under your nose, and he was right in front of you.

“Sometimes, everything you say is nonsense.” He breathes, you open your mouth to respond, and he applies more pressure with his palm, to keep you quiet. You can’t help but think of the way your lips mouthed at his palm, not the time; not the time at all.

And then he continues.

“You don’t know how relieved I am to hear that, the moment I got that email, it took me a few minutes to understand, but when I did, I already pictured our five adopted cats, not gonna lie”

Your eyes widen in shock, did he just indirectly say he like you back, in the form of cats? This is why you fell for him in the first place.

“Did I creep you out? I must have creeped you out, forget I said that.”

And you laugh behind his palm, and he slowly removes it, moves it to your shoulder, drags it down the length of your arm, and interlocks it with your hand, a sweet smile on his face, the contagious one, so it’s only law that you smile back, teeth and all, since you can’t hold it back.

“We should go on a date.”

“That; we must.”

You were on one of your many dates, too wind up in each other to not notice the others who also wanted to hang out with you, you totally kept the news from San; you and Yunho are in this together, so he needs to also be comfortable with telling San, after a lot of thinking, you both settle on letting them find out, which may take years to get in their daft heads, but for now, you both have put fate in them.

San caught on way too quickly, the moment you enter the café and sit down, he says-

“So you’re not moving to Alaska? Or is your husband; Yunho moving with you?”

You blush and look down-

“Look, I can explain-”

And he breaks into a wide grin,

“I’m happy for ya”

You and Yunho were scrolling through many of the messages you have send to San; the ones fawning over Yunho, as much as he likes to get you flustered, he himself also gets flustered, so it’s a win-win situation.

“They haven’t caught on yet” you suddenly say.

It’s true, other than San none of them have caught on yet that you both have been dating, and that’s kind of weird, since it’s been almost a whole year.

But it’s not like you’re gonna sit them down and tell them. You and Yunho have a better plan.

Well you have a better plan.

“-and they walk in on us!”

“…..”

“Or not?”

“No”

You end up inviting them over for dinner, and as they take their first bites, you happily chirp in that you’re dating and Yunho adds that you’re moving in with, leaving everyone to choke on their food, except San, who had a cocky expression, which soon turned into a choking fit, who’s cocky now?

And Wooyoung looks up, and goes “Wait, you’re serious” and continues choking, this time on nothing.

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eitelle · 4 years ago

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Hi!! Congrats on 60 followers btw! 💗

I am a female and I’d like to matched up with a guy from Haikyuu. I am ENFJ, (but sometimes enfp). I’m outgoing and generally nice to everyone, but I have a very sassy, goofy personality. Naturally flirty and very affectionate, and my love language is physical touch. I have my moments when I get shy and anxious, especially around someone I really have a crush on. Yet at the same time I’m the person always trying to hug and cuddle my friends even after roasting them. My favorite colors are blue, red, purple and pink. I love some teasing. I’m passionate about acting and singing. I love to listen to all kinds of music. I have long curly blackish hair and I’m 5’2. I’m a Gemini Sun, Cancer Rising and Gemini Moon. I am a caring and adaptable person, and like to make people happy I always finding a way to slip a stupid joke in🙄( joking is my coping mechanism) . My favorite food is tacos. African-American, and I like someone that I can relate to. I don’t have a specific type, but I do like someone with goals and passion. I like someone I can laugh with and also have real conversations with. I’m so into the romantic lovey-dovey stuff, yet sometimes I act like a little boy💀. I can be loud asf, even just when normally talking cause I usually have a lot of energy.

As far as style goes, it varies from 12 year old boy with some joggers and a t-shirt wayyyy too big for me , to like a 90s baddie with some hoops on, to girly with skirts, sweaters and some knee high socks. As far as accomplishments go, I’ve won state in theater and continue to pursue acting. It’s something I’m very passionate about. Some flaws of mine are overthinking and my anxiety. Like I’ll overthink an entire situation before I really know what happened and assume that someone like hates me. Or I’ll assume I’m talking to much and that’s it’s annoying so I just kinda.. shut down. My anxiety can get kinda bad, i get all shaky and I care a lot about what people think of me (although I try to deny it). So I’ll need someone who can bring me back to earth every now and then. But it’s getting better with time and I’m trying to stress myself out less. When I’m out I’ve got such a big personality and I’m making dumb jokes and dancing, but when I get home I’m just chilling and watching anime. (Although I will dance and make jokes if I feel like it). And I’m a night owl!

Sorry if this was too much!! I really appreciate what you are doing 💗.

OH MY GOD IM AN INFJ THAGS SO COOL!! MY ONLINE PERSONALITY IS LOWK ENFJ THO SO I THINK THATS SO SWAG SHSHSHS (if u recall me saying otherwise shhhhh thats when i trusted 16personalities) ALSO STATE IN ACTING??? UR SO COOL WTF?? ANYWAYS

ok i was actually just wanting to do a matchup w this character n it just so happens u seem to literally fit what id say is his ideal type so i have matched you with: semi eita

GOSH I LOVE HIM OK HCS: (also im so sorry for doing these so late shshs 😖)

forst of all hes def helping w ur lines

like hes such a good person to help prep u

hes also like lowk very lowkey shdhd and honest/blunt so if u ever get an anxiety attack i think hed tell u how it is like straight up n that ur overreacting but in the way that snaps u back to reality

n hes like ur anchor shdhd

i think thats so cute

and sometimes he gets stage fright so i feel like your presence would just help comfort him

OOH ALSO YALL WOULD PROB RELEASE SO GS TOGETHER

N HED LOVE SINGING W U 😫‼️

i feel like hed call u angel, his muse, or his bitch. no in between.

i also feel like he loves how hes so pale and his hair is gray and hes tall n ur lowk short n ur skin is darker and ur hair is like complete opposites and he loves that

like the opposites but fits so well together thing

yall def listen to ricky montgomery together idec.

and taylor swift.

ooh i know for a fact that mans had a hamilton phase but thats why hes so hot tbh

yall also make like photo/mood boards of yall or playlists lol i feel so lonely rn help-

if one of ur anxiety attacks comes in public u know this man is gonna pull the “im famous u want a photo?” to drag attention away from u shdh

oh u def call him suga by “accident” to make him mad HAHAHSJSH

prob the clubbing people but i could see him n u watching anime together and u accidentally hum the ops while harmonizing by accident sometimes shahsgdj

GOSH OK THAT WAS LONG SORRY OK ANYWAYS NOW ITS TIME FOR A ONE SHOT!! (also if u ever need to talk ab something my dms r always open!!)

IS THAT THE TOUNGE N LIKE TEETH THING BUT IN ANIME??/7;6&3);&;7: I JEVER NOTICED THIS WHAT THE FUCK

on a normal friday night, a (your age) person would normally be out with friends, or maybe even going clubbing. but not you, no you and your boyfriend were sitting on the couch, howl's moving castle on your tv and your head on his chest.

it was a chill day to say the least, you and him both having a full day off and spending it like this the two of you too exhausted from the weeks events already. you had random music playing in the background. by random i mean random it went from ed sheeran to lil uzivert all the way to BTS; needless to say it was kinda a mess. but that was how you liked it.

all of a sudden ‘The Schuyler Sisters’ from the original broadway cast of hamilton: the musical started blasting interrupting the beautiful silence w background noise.

you turn to look at your boyfriend, your chests now pressed against each other to look at him staring just past you at his phone, a light pink blush tinting his ears.

“a hamilton kid i see..” you tease playfully noticing how he flushed even deeper.

“o-oi shut up, my- my mom set it for me ok?” he tries to say, his excuses unheard as you burst into laughter tired of holding it in.

“we- well at least pick it up,” you say between laughs.

“fine. hello?” he says as he answers the call. “oh- but today, no i understand. of course. ok ill be right there.”

as he shifts you look at him all of a sudden concerned, you didn’t want your boyfriend overworking himself afterall.

“darling is everything ok?” you ask afraid of the answer. then you notice how hes not meeting your eyes and how hes tapping his knee with his pointer finger. his little tell he was trying to hold in laughs. “oh haha very funny semi now drop the act can we please just go back?” you try to reason.

“oh but getting u annoyed like this is so cute >w<“ he laughs seeing you grumble about how he was ‘so annoying’ as you turn to ignore him.

“oh shut up.”

“make me :p”

“maybe i will,” you say before stuffing a pillow in his mouth and leaning your head against it. “now enjoy the movie.” </3

HES SO PRETTY OML 🤩🤤

ohmygod now its time for my last texts for this event ahhh

OK I HOPE U ENJOYED SORRY THIS WAS SO LATE SHDGSH

#AHHHH AHHHH AHHHHHH #OH MY GOD #IM GONNA CRY WOW #THIS EVENT #HAS BEEN #WOW #YEAH #michelles 60 follower matchup event #SHDHJSHDJDHDJD

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freshstartbaby · 4 years ago

Text

🎧 Body - Syd

I watched my house, cardbord on the ground, like me, leg crossed. White walls, a little smell of vinegar. Thats what I used to finally clean up everything.

Why do I feel like shit ? I mean one part of me cant wait to be in my new place. But the other ? I really feel like I kind of failed here. I got a job, two to be exact, I can provide for myself. I got few friends and thats it. I was wondering if my mum will ever know if I left the town. Maaaan I got to stop overthinking.

It was 8pm and I was waiting for Theo's call. Thanks to god he told me he will help me wih the moving. His help was so precious. Like always. My phone rang with « Theo 🤍 » on my screen . I picked up

« Sup mister T » I said softly « Hi Rob, you good ? » he answered « I am actually, and you ? » « Good. So you really goin to leave me, you know you can still change your mind » « No way, but you know you will still be in my mind » « And in your heart. Who do you think you are ? » he started to joke « Man where are you ? » I said rolling my eyes with a smile on face « There is a litlle bit of traffic. I be there in 10 minutes. But I think the man who will help us is already there. I fowarded him your number. Did he call ? »

I checked my phone, no missed call

« Nah he didn't » « Ok, get ready I be there soon » « Thank tou Theo » « Everything for you » he hang up

I shook my head slowley left to right. He was so kind to me. He can't be real. Me and Theo knew ourself since 8 years now. He was there to help and provide when no one could. He always was very protective and he is actually the one who gave me my first job: dancer in a club. It wasn't my goal job but I could dance and it will help me paying my bills. Few years later he also refered me in company to work as a personnal assistant. I managed myself to then become a communication assistant. When you look clother, without him, I probably will end up as a cracked or worse.

When we met I was 16 and he was 22. It was a very protective relationship. But the older we get, the akward it became. I mean physically he turned to a man as i turned to a young women. And even if he always shows me mad respect, the way he was watching and talking to me changed. Not in a bad way, but I could feel there was more. I aint gon lie, he is good looking, got money and got pure heart. But i couldnt wiling to lost him if we turned into a relationship. He was one of few people around me. Aint ready to loose one of them.

When I told him that I decided to move in LA, maaaan, he wasn't down for it. But as always, he helped me. He got fews relations so we find a cute flat quickly than I thought. The place was smooth and warm. We flew to LA to visit it, and i actually loved it. So now here I am waiting for a friend of his to move my stuff to LA. Let me get it straight. I aint no baby. I can take care of myself. But when it comes to Theo, he always wants to help. And I aint gonna lie, it feel good to be take care of.

The ring belled, I stood up to open the door. He looked at me, I looked at him.

« Can I help you ? » rising an eyebrow acting like I didn't know him « Stop playing » he said moving in my place « Hi » I said to the man following Theo « Robyn this is Eric, Eric this The New York leaver »

I rolled my eyes and shook my head slowly. Eric and Theo helped me to put my stuff in the truck. It was quickly made thanks to them. Also even if I hadnt much things I droped a lot. Eric told me that they will arrive the next monday in my new place. I thanked him as he left when I felt someone behind me. I turned around found Theo on his phone.

« First of all you didn't say hi »

I pulled him softly in a hug. His hands wrapped my shoulder as he kissed my cheek softly

« Then tell me where do I drop you ? » he said « Alex's place » « Lets go »

He put my suitcase in his trunck and we headed to Alexendra's place. I sold my car few weeks before so he proposed me to drop me where I needed yesterday.

Alexandra is one of my best friend. She's like a sister to be honest. We know each other for like forever and she always be down for me. Im stayin at her place tonight so I can catch my flight tommorow.

The road was silent but confortable. Theo and I like to be quiet sometines. We're the type of people who arent afraid of silence. As we arrived to Alexendra's place we stayed a little in the car.

« You need help with the suit case ? » « Na Im good, but thank you. Thank you for everything. It means a lot» I look at him « Stop saying this like its a goodbye » « Im not » « You better »

We pulled into a thight hug «You know I'm always be around and if you need to come back my door is open» « I hope it will be fine dont say that »

He look at me kiss my cheek and said

« Take care » « You too Theo »

I got off the car, took my suitcase and watched him leave. As we disapear on the corner I called Alex.

« Yes baby » « Im here, remind me your code » « You still dont remember it, you do it on purpose » « Guuuurl what is it ?» « 7110 » « Thank youuuuuu »

I taped the code and got to her place

« Sup baby » « Wassup baby, how you doin ?» « Good and you ? » « Everything is alright, I mean my best friend is leaving in an another town but Im good » « Guuuurl, it is for the better » « I know that, Im just getting emotional » « Dont do that » « Im trying, I swear ! How did you came ? You took a uber ? » « Nah, Theo droped me »

She set down on her large cozy couch eying me with a small smile

« What ? » I asked « Noooothing ! » she tapped the place next to her so I can take place « You just goin to sit down and tell me what's popin between you and this white daddy, finally» she said swith a smirk « Nothing is popin, I already told you that » i said sitting next to her « But you got to admit he is good lookin » « I never said he isnt » « Maybe a little bit skinny but he is still handsome » « He is. » « So he never try to own that » she said pointing at myself « And dont try to tell me no, I saw him plenty time trying to get you. » « Alex, it is not goin to hape- « « Whyyyyyyyy » « Because I dont want to » I said laughin « GURL IS YOU GAY ?» « Oh my god. Alexendra. » « No because if you are it is ok. But you need to tell me, so I can introduce him to friend of mine. Its such a waste » « Whatever » I said looking at her smiling

This girl is so crazy. Full of good vibe. Always pushing me to my best. She is fam yall. Our phones started buzzing at the same time. It was a whatsap phone call from our conversation « Mexico 🥵 ».

With some friends we decided to go on a trip to Mexico. For the big part, I knew them from school or club. As we grew older all of us took different ways but still got mad love for eachother. This week trip was the way to link up. I didnt knew some people like David, Florian and Veronica but everything went well during the organisation so I wasnt « afraid » that they were annoying.

The trip is next Monday so we schedule this video chat to make a last check. With all the stuff with my moving I almost forget about this call. Alex and I were together so I decided not to answer from my phone and step clother to her so we can both be on her screen

« Hi » « Wassup beauties » Alexander says

We all said hi to each other and waited to see if someone was missing.

« Who is missing » I asked « Flo is not here » Betty said « Damn this sleeping guy, let me text him » Alexander answered

As he decided to text him, a new window poped in our screen revealing a big white man shirtless, it seems like he was in his bed.

« My bad, sorry for my lateness, wassup guys » he said in a low voice

I looked at the screen, then at Alex, then the screen again and falled into the catch moving my hand to show to Alex that this man was foooine

We giggle few seconds before getting back to our serious faces.

« Florian that is it ? » Alex asked « Yup » « Time is money you owe us all a drink when we get to the mexico » « Maaaan dont play me like that, I was taking a nap, gym killed me today» he said

Of course he was goin to the gym, look at this chest. I tried to fix my self when we all talked for like an hour about last informations, who will arrive when, who shares room, what type of activites we wanted to do. I cant wait for this trip to be honest. I dont travel that much. I could release the stress from my moving, my new job and the new town I will be living in.

« Rob you still in New York ?» Michael asked « Yeees, my fligt is tomorrow » « Where you goin ? » Betty asked « Moving to LA » I said softly « LA GANG MY MAN ! » Florian shouted « Thats great, really big move » Alexander said « Finger crossed » Veronica « Dont worry, as wherever it will be ok if you work hard enough » Florian said « Oh dont worry she is a hard worker » Alex said miming a blow job

I snaped her head as everyone shared an hard laugh. Few minutes later we hang up. I went to the bathroom, washed myself, my tooth and changed myself in something more confortable. I went back to the living room and find Alexandra on the phone. By the way she was smiling and laughing I could tell it was Alexander. Yeah. This gurl find a boyfriend with the same name. That's kind of cute but it's also so corny. She hanged up, stood uo and went to the kitchen

« Sooooo » « What do you want again ? » i said a smirk in my face « I was wondering » she looked at me with a vicious smile « What is it Alex ? » « Are you down for some dick in Mexico » « You are something else you know that » « Im just asking ! There will be latino guys, foreigner and gurl this man Florian, he is free like the wind » «How do you know that ? » « I asked Alexander » « Mmmmh » « Mmmmh ? Gurl when is the lastime you had a man making you feel right ? I aint talking about relationship because that is another level and I know you trying to put yourself first since...» « Yea no. I'm not ready but let me think » « The fact that you have to think is not ok, you know that if the sexual frustration is not evacueted it can damaged you » « I got toys dont worry » I said putting my finger in a peace sign while im leaving the kitchen

I went to her guest bedroom, sitted on the bed and put my durag on. After sliding under the sheets I did my breath exercise so I could fall asleep faster but I couldn't. It was these exercises or sleeping pills. But I try to use them less and less since few month. They knocked me hard to hard man. After 30 minutes of try, I took my phone and opened Instagram. I scrolled my screen without being focused at all, laugh at fews memes and double tap some post. I tought about what Alex told me. It's true. It been a while since I havent give a man his chance. It didn't went well the last time. Ok here we go overthinking. I shook my hand thinking of how dumb I was when I tought about Florian. He was fine its true but you know men are trash. At least men I have a crush on 😭. I tapped « florian » in the research bar to see if I could find him. I didn't. Im defenatly not a FBI member. I will ask to Alex tomorrow, or not, it's not a good idea.

——-

I was hugging Alexandra thighly at the airport. The voice called the passagers of my flight to get ready.

« I'm goin to miss you crazy ass » I whispered « I'm goin to miss you more Robyn, but stop being weak before I start crying » « Come on aint nobody goin to cry » I push her shoulder « we're tough girls remember ? » « Yea but I wrote you a letter » she gave me a letter as I look at her ready to make fun of her « You wrote me a letter, you must be in love with me » « Of course I am, yo you're my friend soulmate » « Ok you gon make me cry now » « Go get your flight »

I tried to open the letter when she took my hand

« The fuck is you doin, you have to read it in your flight, or when you arrive to your new place but not now » « Okaaaaaaay mrs emotional »

I kissed her cheek and grabed my suit case before leaving

« See you in Tulum baby ! »

I put a peace sign above my head a went take my flight.

As I settled in my seat, I leaned my head back to the couch. Here we go baby. You can do this. You got this. It's goin to be fine. I was motivated myself when my phone buzzed. I watched my phone screen and see that Theo sent me a vocal. I put my AirPods on tap on my screen to listen his whatsap vocal message.

James. Theo James. : « You're in the plane ? »

I send him a quick answer

Robyn ✨: Yup 🛫

James. Theo James. : Ok

I watched the screen as I saw « James. Theo James is writing » when a big as message droped. Oh my god. He is goin to make me cry. Or worse. I rubbed my forehead before start reading.

James. Theo James. :

« Robyn. My baby. I know your flight is getting ready to take off. So I'm writing this to you so you can be ready for this new page.

Im goin to tell you this, and ear me out when I say: You got this.

You're smart, kind, open minded,fierce, talented, reliable, honest and a fighter. I know life ain't did good to you lately, and it's destroying me to see you leave but baby it's a fresh start. Leave all the madness, the pain and the self doubt where you at because LA is goin to be fire baby. No more drama, no more pathetic boyfriend, no more struggling. Put yourself above everything, because you deserve it. Keep your mental healthy. Communicate more, talk free and never be afraid to make people to ear your voice.

As I always say to you, even if the blood don't link us, you mean the world to me. Whenever you need anything blow my phone. I will always have an eye on you even if I know you are and you are becoming a boss a bitch woman every single day.

I know you are goin to kill it.

Text me when you arrive to your new home

I will come visit you in few months

Theo 🤍 »

I closed my eyes, bitted my lips and hold my phone on my chest. Don't cry, don't cr- too late. Tears were all over my face as I try to mute myself. Even I tried to hide it, I was feeling shitty. And those words just gave me the feeling of being discovered. I don't know how it was possible. Even if Theo and I were closed I have difficulties to talk out when I'm not feeling myself. And with this message I knew that all this time he knew how I felt but give me my space.

LA be good to me please.

—-

🎧 1 pound - Brymo

The sunlight woke me this morning. I really need to buy curtains. I mean in the rest of the place it's not that important, but wake this way is so uncomfortable. I like the darkness in my bedroom you know ? And all this light, god chill out 🤣

I stood up and head ou to the bathroom and then to the kitchen. I watched the board where I wrote my to do list yesterday night. Yeaaaa i'm trying to be more disciplined woman. I mean organized but sometimes I get too lazy. Like if I invented the word lazy myself.

End the bathroom Shopping at the supermarket Look for a car End the suitcase Work out (you can do this)

I laugh at myself knowing that I will probably not doing the last one. I washed my dishes and turn on the speaker to get in a better mood. I clean a little some stuff since there was still some cardboard here and there. I find myself dancing in front the big mirror in one of the corridor when my phone rang. I didn't know the number so I turned of the music and clear my throat.

« Robyn Matthew, how can I help you » « Hi Robyn this is William. I am with Olivia, you're on speaker. How are you ? » « Hello Robyn »

Ow my new bosses.

« Oh hello to both of you, I'm great thank you to ask. How about you two ? » « We're good ourself thank you. Have you settled yet ? » « Mmh there is still few unopened cardboards but I'm good » « Good to ear that » « You will love LA » Olivia said « I hope so, how can I help you ? » « Well Robyn we were wondering, sorry to ask again but weren't you supposed to start today ?»

My eyes grew wide as my eyebrow start dancing. I wasn't supposed to start today hell no

« I don't think so, I mean I asked to the RH department to postponed my arrival since I have a trip planned » « Oh my baaaaaaaaaad » Olivia shooted « What is it » he asked to Olivia I think « I totally forgot to tell you, Cindy told me few weeks ago but it disappeared from my mind »

My heart stoped racing fast when I told them

« You scared me ! » « I'm so sorry Robyn, William I'm sorry too » « Oh it's ok, you owe us a coffe when she arrives » « Deal » she said laughing « You better note that, or you will forget it too » « Very funny » « Anyway sorry to have bothered you Robyn » William said « It's fine » « Where are you going ? » Olivia asked « Sorry ? » « You said you are goin on a trip, where is it ? »

I twisted my face. How is that suppposed to concern them ? Robyn stay open, be nice, they're just trying to be nice.

« Tulum » « Oh Mexico, well lucky you » « Oh my god, I wish I could have holidays to a place like this » « Anyway Robyn, enjoy you're trip and come back to us resourced. You can't wait to work with you » « Thank you, see you soon » « Bye »

I hang up, a weird feeling in my guts. I mean they were nice. But I'm not really use to have this kind of conversation with my bosses. I tought that they were a good duo both of them. I find myself a little anxious about having two bosses but it's goin to be fine.

Im goin to tell you this, and ear me out when I say: You got this.

I got this. I wanted to turn back on the music. So I scrolled my screen when I saw an Instagram notification.

@bignasty wants to follow you

My face twisted again. Big nasty ? What the hell is that. I'm sure this is a porn count, or a pervet who will try to slide in my Dm. So many weird people on social medias. Thanks god the private button exists so I can control borders 😂 I clicked on it when I saw his face.

Wow.

I took few step back to my couch as my hand was on my chest. Jesus Christ. I found myself put my hand on my mouth so I don't scream and laugh akwardly. God. It was Florian. I mean I think. No no no it was him. How can you forget a face like this. I hold my breath as scrolled down his feed. This man was... l have no word. I rubbed my eyes trying to get back to earth, with a big dumb smile on my face when my phone rang

Xandra 💍 is calling

I picked up and put her on the speaker. I said hi to her in a low voice, I was feeling like I'm out of breath

« GUUUUUUUURL » she screamed « Wassup » « Did Florian asked you on Ig ? » « He did. » « GIRRRL DID YOU SAW THESE PICTURES ?!!!! » « Alexandra, i was checking him when you called » « GURRRRRRL IF YOU DONT EAT HIM ON THIS TRIP I'M KILLING YOU »

I start rubbing my eye again. He was something else. God. Why do I feel this. Then I found myself playing with my finger, where my engagement ring used to be.

It gave me a quick reminder.

« Ok he is super hot, but don't count on me for that » « You're such a child when you act like that. You know what, I'm sure you pantie is already soaking looking at his pic, so just wait. When he is goin in front of you there will be no « don't count on me for that » » « shut up » « Have you end your suite case ? » « Not yet, I think it will be handle this evening» « Ok look listen to me wisely. I don't know what you choose but switch it all up with sexiest stuff » « I'm tired of you »

We stayed on the phone for like an hour. You know how it is when besties are on the phone. All the day she kept teasing me with Florian but I didn't give attention. But I wanted to make her laugh a little so I teased her with a screen and a meme

She hit me back with a message

« gurl this is too much, you really goin to miss this chance »

What chance ? He just followed me on Instagram. I didn't even accept him yet. He must have a girlfriend, or be a fuck boy. Maybe is he gay. Ok Robyn overthinking AGAIN. It's goin to be cute holidays. I don't want to mess this up.

—— 3836 words

Wassup guys ?

How do you feel about this beginning ?

Is everything understable ? I'm French so you know you girl is struggling a little 🙈

Do not hesitate to give me feedbacks, react, and all that stuff

Next step, Tulum baby 🥵

Take care

NEXT PART

#fanfic #florian munteanu #florian munteanu x black reader #big nasty #bignasty #freshstart

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selfcareparker · 4 years ago

Note

okay fghsgdj yes you can say girl ! my pronouns are she/her :) okay but fr pause, i read this like 3 minutes after you posted it (or at least my notif said 3mins lmao) bUT IM IN BED AND I USUALLY HAVE MY COMPUTER OPEN WITH YOUR RESPONSE SO I MAKE SURE I ADDRESS EVERYTHING AND THEN SEND IN THE ASK ON MY PHONE HDGSJSH anyway, time to get my ass up 😔 but wait i find you so funny like honestly, reading that cracked me all the way up. and i feel the “lol” thing so hard!!!! idk why i do it all the time (i’m tryna stop) but i’ll say something with lol at the beginning and lol at the end... it might be a defense mechanism at this point lol (😔) AND (i need to stop with the uppercase too it’s not funny anymore) I DONT KNOW WHY I LAUGHED SO HARD JDHSK WHEN YOU SAID ALSO AGAIN HAHAHAH LIKE UR HAHHAH also my sleep schedule is not pretty either lmao but i’m homeschooled so i never have to get up for anything? hhdhsis idk but i’m glad you slept!! you need sleep!!

also (pls no i cannot) why did i not know what ykwim meant until i reread this?? like it makes so much sense- anyway! i think it’s so cool that you’re excited for university! idk why but i do lol like you’re getting ready for the future (masters degree and all that) & you’re (maybe) going to england anyway so that’s cool haha (hopefully when you go you can see your relatives 🤞🏾)

the fact that you get happy seeing my asks i- 💓💓

you make me wanna go to London & England so bad urghhhh like i’ve only been out of the country once (to Canada for a family reunion) but it sounds so prettyyyyy & i’m so sorry that cov*d is messing everything up and i hope you can see your relatives soon :(

now to address the whole english speaking/writing: I FIND THAT SO WEIRD DUHSKSJ i don’t know how an english speaking person could say that if you don’t write it 100% grammatically correct.... that it’s wrong? when literally, over here at least, WE’RE SO GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT HAHHAAH in both the way we talk and write!! and lol you’re welcome,, AND THE PARAGRAPH DID MAKE SENSE HDHSJSH & your rant is fine because... that is actually a bit ??? bc no one writes with 100% grammar lol

OH MY GOSH (see this uppercase thing is addictive) YOU STUDIED LATIN FOR 6 YEARS??? that’s really cool 🥺 the way that you know/speak 3+ languages i- NOT EVEN 3+ LIKE 6+ (german, english, latin, french, serbian, italian, and everything that comes with latin lmao) even if it’s just a tiny bit like wowee. it is really fascinating!!! i had the opportunity to take latin and i... didnt. i took art instead BUT ONLY CUZ MY FRIENDS WERE IN THAT CLASS AND ART LOOKED FUN IM SORRY

PLEASE WHY DO YOU KNOW EVERYONE?? that sounds so fricking cool tell your mom (mum or mama it’s really fine lol) that she sounds awesome. i think Jamaica would be fun either way!! i mean it looks pretty from pictures? i was a baby so i honestly have no recollection hahaha

LMAOO NOT U SAYING THIS IS LONGER THAN SOME OF MY FICS- PLEASE GIRL IM TELLING YOU I VERBALLY LAUGHED HAHAHAHAHAH but yea you really don’t need to apologize i like reading everything you say 🥺 HDKSHS AND UR FINE WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT ME BEFORE uhhh hmm uhh lemme think i, well, i saw chaos walking yesterday (big tom holland fan over here) and it was alright.. my mom acted a fool at all the jump scares LMAO but it was funny... since i’m talking about movies (this is hella random i know) but i like shark movies HDKJSSJ my favorite is the meg (it’s so good ohmigosh) and the 47 meters down movies aren’t bad either... i have two younger brothers... iiiii AM IN LOVE WITH MUSIC PHEW anddd i’m homeschooled (i think i mentioned that lol) i think that’s a good amount ahahaha AND IM HUNGRY RN JDHSJ

now. please. let me address the edit. i just want you to know that.. when i talk about your fics and i finish them and everything i’m not looking for more? like obviously if you’re writing i’m gonna read it but you don’t need to feel pressured or anything (idk if you do) to put more fics out lol like they’re great and i’m just sending the praise bc i love the ones that are there :’) but i’m so happy you’re working through your writers block!!! yay so so happy for you!!! and PUHLEASE anything you write is fantastic, i feel the exact same way when i write but girl. you’re fine. it’s gonna be great. (idk if this made any sense but... okay)

(and my cousin calls her mom mama so it’s really okay hahah i even call my mom mama sometimes) (and where you got the number “16 sentences” beats me but i still cracked up) (is this me pretending i had tags? maybe) HAHAHAHA OK BYE ❤️❤️ why did this take me so long to send i have no clue, AND WHY AM I OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING I SAID SHAJSHSJ ANYWAY BYE btw i love us too... like iconic // lovely anon 💓

me reading this:

also the dedication you put into sending me stuff— like with the laptop and phone and ahsksk 🥺🥺🥺

i’ll update you when i’ve started uni btw, i’m getting more and more excited every single day haha but i still have 3 weeks until it starts and even then I’ll obviously have to get used to it and everything, but you’re making me even more excited about it sksjshsg

yeah i wanna go to england too dkshsh let’s be sad together over the fact the we can’t travel eksjsh😔😭 but hopefully the wait will make it even better in the end <33 also i talk to loads of relatives over the phone at least once a week so it’s not too bad for me! but i miss their house 😭lmao

and i knowww snshsh so many native english speakers just make so many mistakes— and obviously i get that some things are slang but some things are simply wrong ajsh, the thing is no one has ever told me that my english is bad (i know it’s not bad anyway, but i’m still insecure) or no one has ever pointed out any mistakes, but yeah it’s mostly just insecurity dkshsg but yes thanks for saying what you said (previously as well as in this ask)😌🥰

Okay now for latin— girlll i don’t blame u for choosing art over latin esp. when all of your friends are doing art as well!! I’d choose art over latin as well lol skshsg but in year 6 we had to choose between latin and french, and at the time i didn’t like french? which was dumb of me and now i wanna learn french ekdhs but i don’t regret choosing latin at all bc if i properly learn french one day then i’ll already know understand loads of stuff (or at least some stuff lol) just thanks to latin 😌😌 but still, art>>>latin skskshshgs

I wanna watch chaos walking too!!! But i don’t get when/where/how it’s out lmao, cinemas are still closed here so i’ll either have to wait or find it somewhere online... il*egally 🥰 i don’t have high expectations at all btw but i like daisy and tom and the dog🥺 so i think i’ll enjoy it

GIRL SHARK FILMS SHARK FOLMS SKSJSHSHS okay so there are a few classics i haven’t watched yet, and also a few new ones that i haven’t seen yet BUT I LOVE SHARK FILMS SO MUCH SKSHSGSGSKK the first like proper shark film i ever watched was the shallows (which i like but my brain is still too small to comprehend what happened at the end (i mean i get it but i just can’t imagine it— idek if you’ve seen the film but skshhs)) and after watching it three times it does get a bit boring (but now whenever i see pictures or videos of big waves i’m just waiting for a shark to show up like come ON SKSJSG

^^^that pic/scene really traumatised me sksjsh but i still like the film

I only watched jaws like a few months ago, and i get that it’s a classic and also that it’s old and they just didn’t have the best.. equipment or special effects or whatever but i mean... look at meg and then look at jaws.... no disrespect to jaws at ALL but the meg is so much cooler. (That one scene on the boat where the shark just JUMPS OUT OF THE WATER AND SKSJSHHSUSJHA i get such a shock every time it’s so good (and the dog aww aksjshssli 🥺🥺🥰 and the boy with the ice cream lmao he’s iconic)

47 metres down, wow, i liked that film too. (i’ve only watched the original/first one i think) i mean that is such a fucking nightmare scenario like ALSJDHSNEMSKDJSHSJSKWBALSODUEWBSLDKHDJSNSKSKSHSGEBWKAISGSHEKEKSKLDJDJDHDHSHAGGA (that’s the best way i can express my feelings about that scenario lmao)

oh and i’ve recently been watching more horror films but i don’t know if they’re for me... I like the thrill and whatever but i just end up being scared for my life when i have to go to the bathroom at night or when i’m trying to sleep bc suddenly my mind is flooded with all the scary shit from the films 💀💀💀

and music i mean... you know those people who just don’t listen to music? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM???? i honestly like all genres especially in the last year, i am IN LOVE with Nicki Minaj + Megan andddd Stormzy and i like Harry Styles but i prefer his first solo album (and obviously one direction has bangers i have a throwback 1D session at least once a month), I also love MGK especially his new stuff and otherwise i mostly listen to german artists lmao. So who do you like?💖 (WHY DO I FEEL LIKE YOURE GONNA SAY SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SKAHAGUS IF YOU LISTEN TO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MUSIC DONT JUDGE ME AJSHDJS) (i know you’re not gonna judge me but)

++ @ the thing you said about writing, don’t worry, i don’t feel pressured at all!!! (not by you and not by anybody else.. except myself sometimes lol) and i’m just very happy that you liked my fics 🥰🥰🥰 and if i start telling people that i’m writing a fic then sometimes it puts a bit of (healthy) pressure on me. like yes sometimes it really is writer’s block, but sometimes i really am just lazy ddkshhd so now that i’ve told you i’m writing a fic i might get my ass up quicker than i would if i hadn’t told anyone 😌😌😌

#ok i wrote some if this on the tube/on the bus/at the dentist/in bed so if this seems like it’s all over the place #that’s bc i was literally all over the place skshg #*of #also i love how you used tags skajahsg #lovely anon #<3 #sorry if some of the sentences didn‘t make sense or were too fucking long i wrote half of this half asleep #and i know i dont have to apologise but still like no one should have to read all my page long sentences that arent even proper sentencesskk

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bunnyriviere · 4 years ago

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my god i cant get my head out of this mess so imma rant, then MAYBE i can focus on my assignment like damn babe i thought your passion is stats, why are you obsessing over a guy that doesnt care enough. huh? care about stats instead babe!!!!!! i just want to only have to care about maths but i know my life is ruined if i dont have relationships, so i try. but i must suck at it so bad if everything just ends in flame like this, im so tired im teary eyes.

im on my phone and honestly dont know how to do the uh line to cut short the post so if anybody unfortunately see this im sr :(

this is not even about a romantic relationship, i dont even know why i just couldnt like a person like that but damn fine. this is about a male friend i made in grade 11 i guess. i have never liked men. im afraid of them and dont want to have to interact with them ever. i know its bad and i should change but i just really want them away from me im sorry..... so i wasnt even friendly with him, but i was polite, i know how to be a decent person. he was friendly and nice and friends to all which only made me think aw geez just stop being friendly i know this is not because you like me. but i was eating the snack he brought to class anytime he brought it without much thought cause he offered i aint gonna say no. all the while still not consider him a friend. not until a friend said im not being nice if im eating his food while still not seeing him as a friend. and i have always feel bad about not being friendlier towards men in general and he made the 1st move which made it easier for me to just go along. so i did and thats how we became friends.

hes really nice and i mean it. i think really highly of him. maybe its just me having bad luck so i havent met many that are nice?? i really believe they are just myth tbh, im about to settle for that thought. and this guy is really how i wish is the standard for all men. hes just that good, i have no complain. i truly like him and glad that my friend said something cause otherwise we probably wouldnt be friends.

again no romantic feeling. i just have to, remind the invisible audiences of this post i guess.

now we all know covid. and because of it, i couldnt come home and wanted to lay in bed even more than normal. so i didnt push for it when he said he couldnt meet anybody in the summer because he didnt want to accidently give somebody it. just saying that cause this is a 2 ways road right, nothing is ever only his fault, its also mine. i want to rant about my feelings but i dont want to dismiss any mistakes i made yk. so we didnt meet up then.

christmas came and before then we were talking about christmas gift and i didnt wanna any so i didnt prepare anything also. this person is too nice and i dont want him to feel bad. but anw i just thought maybe we can still meet up even if its not for gift exchanging. but i didnt ask or anything at all cause well, hes from here, he has family and friends that are definitely closer to him, and he had work. i know hes busy and if he wanna hang out he know where to find me. i just dont want to accidentally add something more onto his list of to do. he would be too nice to say no. and we are not that close i dont want to add more work for him. i dont have relatives or friends here other than him so im free anytime if he wanted to meet up. but that didnt happen, i dont think we talked at all. which fine i hate to admit but i was hurt. ugh hate showing how vulnerable i am. yuck. yikes. -100/10.

i just didnt think about it? i didnt try to reach out either so that was my fault too but just, if he didnt care then i wont either. so i really didnt think about him anymore.

came reading week! it really was 1 year from the last time i saw him honestly. he asked to meet up and if i want to go somewhere and tbh no im in the countryside rn is that the corect word so there are no place to go. but i remembered this 2ndhand place i like to go sometimes and i hadnt gone in a while so why not. so we agreed on that. and i know he was probably just tired, and there are people who sigh a lot, its not uncommon. but not seeing him for a long while and knowing this is a place i suggested, him doing that really made me feel bad. i probably shouldnt, but couldnt get the thought that he was probably doing this just because hes friendly not because hes friend with me. it fucking sucked. when we got out and he dropped me back at my home i still felt so bad he didnt get to enjoy himself so i asked if we could watch jojo together. yeah he loves jojo. i dont really care for anime im so sr i prefer realing manga lmao sr.

now ok maybe im still being dumb, probably. but tldr i truly believe people can be friends and affectionate even when they are from opposite sex. it didnt work out so well cause i got molested lmao cause some other guy thought that was cool to do. so that honestly worsen my uh wariness of men. but like i said, i think ive said it, i trust this person. honestly i do, we hug a lot and i had never felt afraid of it. i believe he wont do anything. im just really comfortable around him. so we cuddled while watching anime, that had happened before im really sr if you think thats wrong, i still believe that could happen.

but maybe its because i was tense from thinking he really didnt enjoy hanging out with me that much. i kept connecting remembering what the molester did and while i just knew i swear i knew he wouldnt do anything like that, i couldnt get it out of my head. i felt bad for that but there were just 2 things that happened so similar to what happened with the molester. haizz he kinda laced our fingers together but it wasnt handholding, same thing happened once before with m-dude and it felt weird but i didnt want to question that friendship so i didnt. and at some point of jojo i kinda jumped and he held me back, not pulled me back or anything but was holding me in place, and it was probably to make me feel safe but honestly if anybody even use a little bit of force i will just think of when i finally got the courage to turn around to confront the other dude for touching me, he held me back and i couldnt move at all. i think i froze a bit.

argh back to the main story. see how i totally suck? hahaha just blaming this friend for something somebody else did. im so sorry, i suck.

well after that we picked up talking again but idk! was it me overthinking? was it? because it felt like he didnt want to talk to me at all. it was, how to say it. he was friendly yes he talked hmm. damn how-- it felt like he didnt care for what i said. its a feeling idk how to put into words. and that sucks. he didnt seem interested in me before, felt happy enough when we cuddled, then back to being uninterested. i knew i know he doesnt want me romantically. damnit am i only good now for hugs. are we friends? what i meant is not sex but am i only good for physical stuff? i dont fucking know, the m-dude obviously just want a fwb and i was to trusting to notice. is this my gut feeling or my anxiety idk!

another side story. another guy suddenly expressed interested in me right when covid hit but it was because he couldnt get over his ex so i stopped talking to him for a while and picked it back up when i thought he was no longer idk being annoying about it. i thought he had to at least like me as a person to even express he liked me romantically. but apparently not. he looked so uniterested suddenly and denied when i asked, then stopped reading my texts.

so you see. i just cant if haiz ok do- do anybody like me? just as a person? idk.

god i knew i fucking suck for being so sensitive and anxious and im sr for wanting stuff but maybe i want you to look like you care a bit when i said you are reminding me of the m-dude, instead of saying ok we can talk less then. i already felt like you dont want to talk to me, you dont have to say that...

officially crying heyho.

just saying no you dont dont like talking to me when your actions were saying the opposite is not cutting it either... i also thought highly of the covid confession guy too but what happened now. im sorry for comparing you to others! but i learn from experiences... and this was sus... (yah its a joke i cant help it.)

and if i just agreed and stopped talking to him right it just, felt like a confirmation that yeah its true hes just letting me hug him not because im his friend and he knows i like hugs so he lets me. but its more like its convenient that a girl is hugging him so he wont say no. something like that. that sucks. thats all im good for. if i were his friend, it would include the talking too.

ah!! i know we are not close, we are both casual friend. he is definitely not on my top list to tell stuff to but damn i still like him enough to hurt. and to not asking for too much.

so anw i kept talking with the anxiety that never got solved and that made me frustrated and i picked at his insecurity to made him hate me enough to stop talking to me cause i couldnt bring myself to stop, id feel so bad. this is really toxic and i admit this is not the first time ive done it, to a different person but its the same thing.

hahaha act like i hate him while just want him to see how i feel so bad. yeah im a tsundere.

it worked so i stopped talking to him for a week and focused on talking to my other friends. friends i know without a doubt love me and want me because i really didnt feel that with him at all. sorry i know you were tired with covid.

that made me felt better and i was not in panic mode anymore, i can calmly assess things now. and before, i felt bad because i truly believed i was just seeing things, i couldnt see pass my anxiety and was blaming him for what, nothing. he did want to talk to me. but my mind was clearer after that one week and yeah i cant really make more excuses? yes i was sensitive and made things worse, but there must be something for me to pick up first. it didnt just come out of thin air.

so i sent him some texts saying that, because just leaving without a word is bad communication. i have to tell him and at least give him a chance to change i guess? did he need change? im doubting myself.

i- hm he just said yeah his look and way of talking really make him look like hes tired and uninterested, and laughed at my marie kondo joke. you know the one. idk! all i saw in that was yeah thats how it is, accept it. and i-- i, cant? i dont want to... i dont want to :(

but my mindset for just about anything is value the process, not the result, like as long as you put work in! thats great! and he- he was, talking... he put work in..... i would feel so bad to deny it. but at the same time, it was not enough... i hate! to say you need to do at least this and that! but it didnt feel like enough..... im sorry :(((( i am.

ive talked about my tendency to lash out. last time i didnt want it but i had to get away quick so i didnt mean it but i still did it. but this time i was truly angry. because i just wished there was more care for me but i know that was all there was, and i couldnt do anything about it. couldnt even ignore him. he was even drier then, and i got it, i lashed out at him, ofc he wasnt going to be friendly. but just why were you trying so hard... no, no it was not trying hard, you were answering texts at the speed of once every 2 days. why were you answering at all? you clearly didnt want to. but again so was i. did i really have a say.

so i sent angry texts at him. about how fake his friendliness was, did he really consider me friend, why did he keep saying no it was not that he was uninterested while it was obvious that he was. also that i want to fight him. i really do want to. hopefully he will beat me up hard enough that i can be in a coma and die in 9 months idk. (listen 9 months is enough time to make a new human, if im not awake by then, you need to let me go, thats my wish.)

he said that no he doesnt like to fight and thats the last text i got from him.

because ofc i dont hate him him, the whole him idk what im saying. just angry and hate that hes not matching me on how we value this relationship i guess. not besties like how he likes to joke, but eh, was hoping more than what i was sensing. i still sent a text being like ok fine do you still want to talk and if so how do you want me to do. but he didnt answer it in time so i decided for him that nah we wont talk anymore.

heyho i was sad, i am sad. and ok hear me out, HEAR ME, i dont use tarot for future but just for my feelings and how to deal with them, and my deck said ok babe this is the end, you will have to move on now. so i will.

tbh lmao for every relationships that i emotionally invested in. i always make an essay on my feelings because thats how i conclude things, and so i wont forget that my feelings are legit. so the moment i started this post, hes dead to me i guess.

wow this post is long. but i did really like him so.

im moving to uni city next month but i know he will leave in the summer so i wont have to worry about seeing him then. and probably not further in the future either, we go to different uni and are quite far away and our common are not gonna question things i dont think. dont think they would even notice, we are not in a group or anything. and even if i do end up meeting him. my feelings while was anger, but it stemmed from sadness and disappointment so it wouldnt be too bad. on the other hand... m-dude..... i am afraid of meeting you, lets please please please not meet damnit.

#xxxpauline

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captainillogical · 5 years ago

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Devil’s Ballroom Ch.8

A year after the events from the earth’s final attack, Little Homeworld is finally complete, and there’s a new jazz bar where gems and humans mingle and drink. - As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now.

Spinel/Reader

collab with my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants

(i’m sorry. i have terrible chapter pacing skills so the next one will be the last, not this one. thanks for all of ur patience p: )

Immediately you accidentally elbow Alex in the face as you try to get out of his grip, and he yells out in pain and drops you onto the ground.

"Wait! SPINEL!" You shout and run towards the direction she went, but you don’t see her anywhere. "SPINEL!!!" You shout again, eyes frantically roaming in every direction around for her, a couple of people stop to stare at you. She’s much faster than you, and could be leagues away by now.

You can't believe she would just run like that, without explanation. She was staring at you and Alex like.. did she seriously think that you and Alex.. oh god. She thought you were with Alex.

Okay. You try not to panic as you stand there, awkwardly. You feel a hand on your shoulder.

"What the hell was that?" Alex says beside you. You can't speak for a moment, and when you do, your voice comes out hoarse.

"Er.. I think some horrible misunderstanding just happened." You say, defeated. You look up at him, and you're trying to not be visibly upset. He looks down at you, and makes a face.

"That was her? She could've said hi, sheesh.. she even left cookies here." He shrugs, looking at the spilled cookies on the ground.

"Dude. How are you so fucking stupid." You say, nearly about to smack him again. He gives you a confused look. "Are you shitting me? She came to give me those cookies in thanks for yesterday, and what does she see? You kissing all over my face."

He still gives you a blank look.

"Ohhhh my god. You are such a fucking moron." You retort, staring at him for several solid seconds until a look of sudden realization hits his facial expressions.

“Oh. OHHHHHHHHHHHH.” He covers his mouth, and has the audacity to look mortified.

“Yeah.” You cross your arms. “Thanks for that.”

“I uh.. man, I just wanted some Y/N love, I’m sorry. I just got so carried away.”

“I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m like, romantically involved with you.. Oh god what if she thinks I like men?” You cover your face in your hands, groaning into them. “I never told her that I liked just girls..”

“You told her about your crush on Harper though? What about that?” He raises his eyebrows in question.

“Yeah but I never told her about any of the other shit, and I haven’t exactly like.. given her any signals..”

“But you flirt with her all the time! And she flirts back! I know, because you’ve told me everything, multiple times.” He bends down and scoops up the container, and picks up the cookies and places them all back inside.

“Alex, I really hate to break this to you, but girls flirt with each other all the time. Most of the time, it’s over compliments, and sometimes it SEEMS genuine, but really, they’re just being nice.” You say. “Unless you’re super bold, with girls you basically have to be frank with them about your feelings and intentions for them to realize you’re serious. I myself prefer to kinda be sure that the other person likes me back, before I stick my neck out, you know? Because getting the ‘Oh, I thought we were just friends’ shit fucking hurts.”

“I’m pretty sure she likes you, dude.” He says to you like you’re an idiot.

“I’m not so sure about that.” You say, because you refuse to believe anything unless the cold hard facts are slapping you in the face.

“For someone so smart, how are you so stupid?” He sniffs one of the cookies, and looks like he’s contemplating taking a bite. You scoff. “You know what? Don’t answer that. It doesn’t matter. My point is, even I can tell she likes you.”

"Coming from you, that means nothing to me." He immediately looks up, completely offended. “What? I mean, seriously. Do I have to remind you of all of our middle school and high school years? That should explain itself.”

“Okay when you put it that way, YEAH, I was stupid, but this is different. This is me absorbing someone ELSE’S love life, and even I’m not that much of a fool.” He sighs, and mournfully tosses the cookies into the bin closest to you. “I think you need to like, give her a call or something and explain yourself. She looked really upset.”

“Yeah, I..” You pause for a second to pick your screwdriver back up. You don’t even want to work anymore. “You’re right. I’m just nervous.”

“Just do it before you overthink it.” He replies.

“Ugh, okay.” You pull out your phone, swipe over to your contacts, and press the call button on Spinel’s name. Immediately, it goes to voicemail.

Of course.

You leave a voicemail for her to call you back as soon as she hears this, and you also shoot her a text.

“She’s not answering.” You say.

“Of course she’s not, I mean, I wouldn’t either. Give her a while and try again later, she probably just needs some time.” He says, and also pulls out his phone, typing something on it real quick. “Also, give me a minute, mom needs to call me about something for tomorrow.” He steps a couple feet away from you to take the call.

You stare at your phone, and for the first time in a long time, you really don’t know what to fucking do other than just stand there. What if she’s so upset, she never talks to you again? Will she give you a chance to hear you out? And are you ready to talk about your feelings with her?

Lord.

You haven’t really thought about them too much yourself, if you’re going to be honest. You’ve been keeping this all super casual in your mind, because it feels irrational to grow feelings for someone this quickly, considering you’ve known her for less than 2 weeks. But.. you admit, the more you push the thoughts away, the more you understand that you might like her a lot more than you originally considered, and denying them will just cause you issues like that one time when you were 19.

You sigh out loud. Off to the side you can hear Alex arguing with his mother about some errands she wants him to run tomorrow, and for a brief moment you consider just going home, but then remember that not even Mr. Smiley can cover the rest of the shift. You have a good two hours left, you can survive, hopefully. You make yourself busy with fixing the part you were previously working on - but you’re having a hard time concentrating. After a couple minutes, Alex taps on the side of the wall, and you peek your head out to look at him.

“Look, I hate to do this to you right now, but mom wants me to go grab a few things from her office, and pick up an order from the print place before it closes.” He pushes his curly dark hair out of his eyes, half leaning on the wall next to you. “I can probably be back by the time you’re done with your shift.”

“Hmm.. alright.” You mumble, trying to keep your mind on more positive things. He leans closer to you, stretches out his arm, and pokes you on the cheek.

“Don’t hyperfocus on this. Shit will be fine, you just gotta give her some time to get back to you, okay hun?” He gives your cheek a little love smack and stands straight, heading out already. You watch him go.

“Super easy for you to say..” You say to yourself, and busy your hands.

Most of the rest of the shift passes quietly, and you receive no messages from anyone. You hate that you can’t do anything, not really, so you send Spinel another text. She still hasn’t seen the other one, and it’s been nearly two hours.

Y/N: Can we talk? Please.

You aren’t in the mood to text anyone else, so you put your phone back into your pocket, and start all of your closing duties. The next twenty minutes goes by in a heartbeat, the crowds of tourists long since dissipated. There isn’t a lot to do. Once you clock out and grab your things from the breakroom, you feel your phone vibrate so you pull it out quickly to see who it is. You try and fail not to feel disappointed that it’s just Alex.

Alex: she wrapped me up in some other shit so like, im runnin hella late

Alex: im sorry

Alex: its gonna be a while, ill let you know when im done and ill just come over to ur place

Alex: if thats ok

You type out a couple replies to him, and sigh out loud. It’s for the best really. You don’t exactly want him to talk to you about all this stuff right now anyway. You head out, lock up the place, and walk in the general direction of your home.

By the time you’re home and settled, Alex has given you an update, and it’s been nearly four hours since you saw Spinel with no response. You’re seriously starting to worry, because she’s never not replied to your messages like this. You go to send her another text, and realize that she still hasn’t opened any of your messages. You send her another inquiry, and pop up your chat with Steven.

Y/N: Steven.

Y/N: I need you to answer asap.

You see that he’s online, and you wait for an answer. It only takes him a minute or two to get back to you.

Steven: Hey Y/N, what’s up?

Y/N: Have you talked to Spinel in the last couple of hours?

Steven: Not since this morning, why?

Y/N: Can you call her just to check up on her? I’m worried about something.

Steven: Yeah hold on.

You wait for several long minutes for him to get back to you.

Steven: Her phone’s just going to voicemail, which is pretty weird. Maybe she accidentally let it die? I’ll let you know when she answers back.

Steven: Are you guys okay?

Y/N: Uhh, I’ll get back to you on that.

Steven: Hmm, okay.

You go to lay on your couch face down, and scream into the cushions.

Apparently you fall asleep that way, because the next thing you know, you have to peel your drool covered face off the couch cushion. You blink away your sleep-heavy eyes, and blearily check your phone. It’s 5am.

The only message you’ve received is one from Alex saying he stopped by, but left since he saw you were sleeping. Okay wow, he could’ve woken you up into a better sleeping position. Your neck feels like shit.

You’re trying to ignore the growing feeling of dread in your stomach, pointedly not thinking about how Spinel hasn’t texted you back yet, and how long it’s been. You grab a glass of water from the fridge, trudge up the stairs into your bedroom, and flop on your bed. You pass out again nearly instantly.

When you wake up again, the sun is glaring into your window, and you groan. You roll over and pull the covers over your head. Fuck the sun today. You grab your phone from your nightstand, and notice it’s almost 1pm, the fuck? Why the fuck did you sleep so long? You look at all your notifications, and pretend that you’re not looking for a specific one from someone.

Spinel still hasn’t texted you back, and STILL hasn’t seen any of the messages you’ve sent her. You are starting to panic a little, so you shoot Steven a message.

Y/N: She hasn’t said anything to me at all, has she answered you?

You message your dad and friends back while waiting a few minutes for Steven to reply. It takes him a few minutes to get back to you while you're laying in bed.

Steven: Her phone is still off, and she hasn't replied to anything I've sent her. I'm gonna ask Lapis to check up on her since they live in the same building. I'll get back to you when I get an answer.

It's been like twenty hours since you've seen her, and you're worried. There's no point moping around though, so you get up and get dressed for the day. You make and eat breakfast, even if you don't normally. You need a distraction from your thoughts, so you give your dad a call to check up on him, and ask him when he's coming home this week. He talks to you about his long days in meetings after meetings, the silly shit he got up to with a coworker last night after drinking, and the new hobby he's thinking of picking up when he gets back home. You guys talk for a long while, and maybe it's something you really needed, because you momentarily forget about what you were so worried with in the first place, until your phone buzzes. It's ringing actually, and your phone screen lights up with Steven's name. You tell your dad you've got to go to take this other call, and answer Steven. You sit there, phone in hand for a moment, before putting it to your ear.

"Y/N?" You hear him ask, although a bit muffled.

"Yeah. Anything?" You reply, trying to keep the nervousness out of your voice.

"She's uh.. She's on homeworld with the Diamonds right now? Maybe they worked something out with whatever event they were planning." He says into the receiver, completely casual like this is no big deal. Like that answer didn't just shatter your morale.

"Hm, okay. I appreciate you telling me this." You want to hang up and cry.

"Why didn't Spinel tell you she was going? I mean, she doesn't need to let me know since I go back to homeworld frequently.. are you guys okay?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhh." You say, unable to form an answer that isn't too revealing. "I'm not sure. But I'll let you know if anything changes."

"You know you can talk to me, right?" He says, gently. You appreciate that he cares, but it's best if he doesn't interfere.

"I know. Thank you, Steven." You reply, holding back any emotion that will give you away.

"I'll talk to you soon, okay? See you, Y/N." You say goodbye as well, and hang up.

You sit at your dining table for several solid minutes without moving, staring blankly at your phone, mind swirling with thoughts.

Okay. Alright. You can do this.

You refuse to cry, and you pinch your arm to get the prickling feeling away from the edges of your eyes. Fuck. Okay.

So she just.. left. She left, when she was fighting with the Diamonds literally yesterday about something awful they said to her, so awful that she had an emotional breakdown over it, and couldn't even TALK about it with you afterwards.

She left for homeworld to escape you.

You, specifically.

Because of a misunderstanding.

You probably sit there for a good twenty minutes absorbing everything, weighing the gravity of the situation. Afterwards, you get up and distract yourself with chores. You refuse to put any more thought into this, and just figure you'll wait.

At around 6pm, Alex comes over, and the two of you play Minecraft for the rest of the night, and he pointedly doesn't ask about Spinel at all. You're thankful that he's here in person, for once, because you don't know what kind of stupid shit you'd do without him here.

He spends the night and crashes on your couch, and you lay awake for most of the night, restless.

When you wake up, Alex has coffee and oatmeal ready for you, which is pretty funny because he never makes food. He's usually awful at it. He's sitting at the table sipping his coffee and drawing in his sketchbook, and he looks up when you make your presence known.

"Wow, you kinda look like shit my guy." He says, taking another sip of his coffee, and setting the mug down.

"Thanks. Had insomnia pretty bad last night.." You trail off and move to grab a mug from the cabinet and pour yourself some coffee. It's a black coffee only kind of day.

You sit down on the opposite side from him, and slowly drink your coffee. It smells good. You're worried Spinel hates you and never wants to see you again. You pull the bowl of oatmeal towards you and take a bite of lukewarm mush.

"This is kind of awful but thanks." You say as you shovel more into your mouth, and consider adding more brown sugar to this.

"I ain't no Gordon Ramsay, but I try." He doesn't look at you as he shades the back leg of the deer he's sketching. You watch him bite his tongue in concentration, and you take another sip of coffee. It's kind of burnt tasting, but whatever. You've had worse. "What do you want to do today, anyway?"

"Mmm." You eat another bite of oatmeal. "Can you please pick? Cuz I'm kinda braindead right now and I don't really feel like concentrating." He looks at you with mild concern.

"Last time I got to pick, you banned me from picking out what we do for a solid year." He furrows his eyebrows, twisting his pencil in hand.

"Yeah, well.. I don't really care right now." You shovel more food into your mouth.

"Fine. You said so, okayyyy, so no complaining later." He rolls his eyes and huffs, pencil scratching against the paper. Your phone buzzes several times on the table, and you reluctantly grab it. One message from dad, and.. two from Steven. You open up Steven’s messages first.

Steven: What did you do?

Steven: She doesn't want to come home.

Your stomach feels like lead. Alex notices you immediately.

"Uh. What's wrong?" He asks, leaning over. You tilt your phone away from him and you can feel the tears coming. You swallow, trying to get your face to cooperate.

“Um..” You feel your voice wavering, so you take a steadying breath. Looking down at your phone again, you struggle to form any kind of coherent words at all. You push your phone over to Alex, he reads what's on your screen, and looks back over to you with a serious face.

“For real? Are you kidding me?” He says, and you can hear the frustration in his voice. “I’m gonna give her a piece of my mind.”

“No,” The words finally find you. “Let me deal with this, please.” You give him a half hearted smile, and pull your phone back to yourself. With shaky hands, you text Steven back.

Y/N: Listen, I didn’t do anything, but..

Y/N: I’d prefer to get this sorted with her in person.

Y/N: I don’t want to play the messenger game

Y/N: I want her to hear it from me.

You don’t have to wait too long for his reply.

Steven: Okay well, I don’t know how well that’s going to work

Steven: Considering she refuses to talk to me about any of it

Steven: Let me know if you end up wanting me to do anything?

Steven: And I’ll message you if anything happens on my end.

Y/N: I appreciate that. Thanks.

You sigh and look up at Alex, who’s watching you with his chin in hand, leaning on the table.

“Anything?” He inquires.

“Nothing.” You say.

“Well, let me clean up the mess I made and let's go out. Mom let me have the car today, so we can go wherever. You said I can choose and no take-backsies, just give me a few minutes, alright?” He stands up and takes the both of your plates to the kitchen, and you watch him for a moment before deciding to get up and get dressed.

You head up to your bedroom and open your closet, rummaging around for something cozy. You grab a soft long sleeve shirt, and sweatpants, because who gives a fuck honestly. You’re looking inbetween all your sweaters for your favorite one that you’d like to wear today, before realizing that Spinel still has it. Instantly, your eyes fill with tears at the reminder, and you let yourself cry quietly in frustration where no one can see you.

After a few minutes, you wash your face in the bathroom and get dressed, settling for a different sweater. You take a couple deep breaths, and head downstairs to Alex.

You spend the rest of the day with Alex, and he takes the both of you to Empire City to browse the mall and window shop, and he buys the both of you dinner. You feel like he’s being extra sweet to make you feel better and you appreciate him so much for it, but Spinel’s on your mind literally all day and you can’t distract yourself enough. He gives you a big hug after dropping you off at home, and before leaving he makes sure that you’re okay. You’re not, not really, but he helped you not spiral further downwards today.

The next day you only work a half shift, so you get to sleep in and you take full advantage of it. It has now been three days since Spinel disappeared with no word since, and you’re beside yourself with worry. But you can’t let this stop you living your day to day life, so you do what you do best and keep on with your routine.

The fourth day goes quickly as you work a full shift, and you’ve got quite a few things to do before your dad gets home tomorrow. You’re excited to see him, as he’s been gone for nearly three weeks now. The house will be back to normal, and way less lonely.

Your dad comes home the fifth day and you spend the entirety of it with him, and you don’t think about Spinel at all. The both of you go to the movies, and then to the beach to have a relaxing afternoon as family bonding time. When you guys head home, you make him his favorite steak and potatoes and he talks about all of the things he had to do and how much he missed your company while he was gone. You think he notices that your mood has slightly been off today, but he doesn't ask about it.

The sixth day, Steven sends you a text about her still not being home, and you wonder why you even bothered opening the message. At this point you’re no longer despondent, you’re now just frustrated with the growing feeling of anger building inside you.

By the tenth day, you’re rightfully pissed. You gave her more than enough time to get over whatever feelings she felt - and she’s not taking any of your feelings into consideration. She left you to deal with the aftermath of what she assumed to be true, and never even gave you the chance to explain yourself. You haven’t sent her a text since that last one you sent over a week ago, and you think you’ll send her one more.

Y/N: Whenever (or IF, I guess) you decide to pop back in on earth, I’d like to have a chat. :)

Steven hasn’t said anything much in the last week, either. You kind of feel like he’s avoiding you because of this, but it doesn’t matter now. If she never wants to come back, that’s on her.

Two more days go by - pretty uneventfully. You spend most of your time at work, or playing minecraft with Alex and the occasional Harper when she’s actually in a motel versus camping. The two of them haven’t asked about Spinel at all - and you know they’ve talked about it extensively in private. You’re secretly relieved that you don’t have to talk about her, though.

Two weeks pass, and you give up entirely. Life goes on.

One of these late afternoons you’re lying in bed after work and texting your friends, and for a moment you think about shooting Spinel a last message. You don’t think she’ll come back to earth at this point, but you want your sweater back if she ever visits. You swipe over to your chat with her to let her know this, and your eyes glance at the ‘seen’ icon at the bottom, timestamp dated nearly 36 hours ago.

Huh.

Wait. What the fuck.

You sit there for a moment, frozen in shock. Shock that quickly turns into boiling anger, and you find yourself texting Steven faster than you realize.

Y/N: So she comes back and you say nothing, yeah?

Y/N: Remind me to not do you any favors for a while.

Eyes stinging, you go back over to shoot Spinel an angry message, but before you can even type out half a sentence, Steven rapidly texts you back.

Steven: Hold on for a second, okay?

Steven: Let me explain something.

You don’t really care at this point.

Y/N: nah man.

You get up from bed, pocket your phone, and waltz downstairs. You put on a sweater, toe on the nearest flip flops, and head out the front door. Dad’s at work currently, so you lock the door and head over to little homeworld. You walk briskly over to the bar you met Spinel at, and after a small hold up with the bouncer, head in and move directly to the counter, facing Bismuth.

“Hey Bis,” You say to her, and she glances over to you from her current patron, and smiles at you.

“Y/N! It’s been a minute. How’ve you been?” She replies, facing you.

“I’ve been alright,” You lean a bit over the bar. “I actually just have a question, if you don’t mind.” Bismuth looks at you inquisitively, and you continue. “What’s Spinel’s address? She never gave it to me.” You smile sweetly at her.

“Hold on, let me get a pen and some paper.” She says as she sets down her glass, and grabs a pen and some receipt paper from the register. You watch her scribble something down, and she hands it to you.

“Bis, I ever tell you that you’re the best?” You take the piece of paper from her hand.

“Only once,” She grins. “But I could stand to hear it again.” You laugh at that, and pocket the note.

“Thanks for this. I’ll pay you back later, promise.” You wink at her, and turn to leave. You hear her chuckle and pick the glass back up from the counter.

“I’ll keep you to that!” You hear as you leave the building, pulling out the note again to glance at the address.

It’s over a mile away, and you figure now or never, and walk towards the general direction of her place. You try and fail on calming your nerves on the near 30 minute walk, and by the time you get to her apartment building, you’ve worked yourself up into a whirlwind of emotions. Also you’ve pointedly ignored your phone this entire time, and you’re pretty sure you’ve missed 5 calls and dozens of texts, but you knew that if you looked at any of it, you’d lose face and chicken out.

Spinel’s apartment is on the 9th floor, and you marvel at the technology side of the building for a bit. These gems really knew how to build stuff. You take the elevator up, and once you’re on the floor, you take a sharp left to the odd numbers side of the building. You reach her door and stop, almost touching the frame to knock on it. Although it’s pretty quiet in the building, you can hear a faint voice, or voices, coming from inside her apartment if you listen closely enough.

You take a deep breath, and let it out. You take another three, and consider leaving altogether. You steel your nerves, lift your arm, and knock on her door frame twice.

You think you hear the voice quiet down as you stand there, waiting. Several seconds go by, and you can hear your own heartbeats.

For a sec you think that she won’t come to the door, but after a few more moments you hear quiet movement towards the door you’re standing in front of. You make a point to step to the side, so whoever is answering the door can’t see who’s standing there through the peephole.

Very slowly, you see the door handle turn, and the door swinging open several inches. You watch Spinel peek her head out the door, her phone in her hand, and turn to make direct eye contact with you. She freezes instantaneously, like she expected it to be anyone else other than you standing there.

Her hair is in a messy bun, and your eyes trail down to notice that she’s wearing your sweater.

This pisses you off immediately.

#spinel #spinel x reader #spinel su #spinel self insert #steven universe #my fic #devils ballroom

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flame-cat · 5 years ago

Text

script: my wishful thinking

oscar needs some Validation and im sappy. gonna quickly @littlemisssquiggles

VOLUME 7 SPOILERS!!! i cant figure out how to do readmores on mobile so hopefully youve got the tag blocked

[jaune and oscar are in a jail cell in atlas. its only big enough for two people. they sit on opposite sides of the cell.]

jaune: ... well, this sucks.

oscar: kinda, yeah. but at least we're one step closer to ironwood.

jaune: we're still in JAIL!

oscar: i mean... yeah.

jaune: did we seriously go through all that just to wait in some... some box?! ... ugh. sorry. im just frustrated is all.

oscar: no, dont get me wrong, im frustrated too.

jaune: you seem pretty calm about this, though.

oscar: ... i guess im just kinda used to roadblocks like this by now. i dont have to like it, i just have to get through it.

jaune: ... well, its always a good idea to vent your frustrations. and weve got a lot of time.

oscar: ... do you... want me to scream or something?

jaune: no, no, not unless you WANT to, that is- i just figured... i dunno.

oscar: ... figured what?

jaune: i dont know, i was making conversation and then probably started overthinking things.

oscar: ...

jaune: ...

oscar: ...

jaune: ... you know... youve come a long way.

oscar: huh?

jaune: i just, looking at you right now, you just seem... older, somehow.

oscar: ... thanks, i guess?

jaune: ... dyou think it has something to do with oz?

oscar: ... i dunno. hes been quiet since he helped me land the airship... maybe im just tired.

jaune: yeah, its been a long day...

oscar: ...

jaune: ... ugh, im sorry. i just dont know how to talk to you.

oscar: oh, thats... its ok. to be totally honest, id... rather not talk.

jaune: ... oh. i. yeah, sure.

oscar: i-its nothing against you, i know youre trying, i just... dont want you to feel like you have to, if that makes sense.

jaune: not... really.

oscar: i mean, its fine if you dont wanna talk to me. i dont mind.

jaune: what makes you think i... oscar, youre my friend.

oscar: ...

jaune: ... you dont believe me?

oscar: i- no, thats not- no, no, i... nevermind.

jaune: listen, if this is about argus, i-

oscar: no! no, no, no, no, no, its not, i promise. you- thats all- its really okay, i just, um, wasnt quite sure where we stand.

jaune: what made you unsure...?

oscar: n-nothing in particular. i think. i dunno, im being stupid. just forget about it, okay?

jaune: ... no. i wont just forget about it, i wanna know whats going on.

oscar: i-i. um.

jaune: ... are you... scared of me?

oscar: no! no, no, no, im not, i- i just, i dont know, im trying really hard here okay? i dont know whats right! i just want it to stop!

jaune: ... oscar...?

oscar: um. l-lets. not talk about this.

jaune: honestly, i dont even know what we're talking about.

oscar: just... mngh, i dunno.

jaune: ... oscar, you know i dont hate you, right?

oscar: ... o-of course. yeah. of course i know that.

jaune: so... why dont you trust me?

oscar: n-no, no, i- no, i trust you, really, i do. i just dont wanna bother you.

jaune: ... ugh. i know you said you forgave me, but... i still messed up big time.

oscar: no, jaune, you didnt. its okay.

jaune: its NOT okay. i HURT you.

oscar: ... well... im fine now, right?

jaune: ... are you?

oscar: ... um. o-of course. yeah, why wouldnt i be?

jaune: cause you dont really seem like it.

oscar: ...

jaune: oscar, you dont HAVE to be okay-

oscar: of course i do!

jaune: -?

oscar: im not HERE to be a PROBLEM, jaune, im here to FIX problems! ... i, oh, oh my gods, im so sorry, i didnt mean-

jaune: no, hang on, oscar, hey. youre NOT a problem! youre- youre allowed to have FEELINGS. i- we, all of us, we care about you.

oscar: ... you shouldnt.

jaune: huh?

oscar: im not trying to say youre wrong, but the facts are that im not... im not permanent. i cant... i cant take up peoples time like that, im not THAT important.

jaune: ... yes you are.

oscar: you dont have to say that.

jaune: i know i dont. im saying it because i believe it. what- what made you think that youre not?

oscar: im sharing a body with an immortal magician fighting against the forces of ultimate evil. a farm boy from mistral kinda pales in comparison to that.

jaune: well, ozpin isnt exactly around right now. and even if he was, that doesnt mean youre not still here!

oscar: but for how long?

jaune: who cares? no one lives forever, oscar. that doesnt mean we're all insignificant. ... i lost someone... REALLY important to me, back at beacon. she did everything she could, fought with everything she had... she wasnt perfect, but... she was amazing. and i'll never forget her. ever. and i promise, if i can help it, i wont forget you either. and... youre still my friend. okay?

oscar: ... im not... im not worth remembering.

jaune: ... oscar... do you really believe that...?

oscar: ... if im honest, when i left, before, i was kinda hoping youd forget me.

jaune: why...?

oscar: ... i... didnt wanna be a burden. you guys are the important ones.

jaune: ...

oscar: ... i, um, im sorry, did i-

jaune: no, stop, its okay. i... dont know if i can convince you that youre wrong, but... im gonna try.

oscar: ... oh.

jaune: what?

oscar: nothing, i just... you... really care.

jaune: yeah. yeah, we all do.

oscar: um... th-thanks.

jaune: dont thank me. id... like a hug, though.

oscar: ... that sounds really nice.

#rwby #rwby spoilers #oscar pine #jaune arc #rwby 7 #rwby7 #rwby7 spoilers #rwby v7 #rwby vol 7 #rwby vol7 #rwby volume seven #rwby volume 7 #rwby fanfiction #in the life #pheo drabbles

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gyeomork · 5 years ago

Text

Explanation

(im jaebeom x reader)

genre: angst, light smut, fluff, roommate au

warnings: mild cursing, suggestive themes

word count: 3.5k

a/n: so idk if it’s been a long time since i last posted but hey i’m back lol. my last fic got like a lot of love so i was like oh shit wtf thAnk yU. so basically i got kinda in my jaebeom feels because of these pictures i saw and they just kinda hit different so i made a fic lol. anywAy k bye ^3^

“please please please~” jackson begged me. we were currently sitting on the couch in the living room having a conversation about me moving out so his girlfriend could move in. “you guys could just stay in your room and i’ll stay in mine. i’ll try to make my presence as unknown as possible” he looks at me bewildered. “y/n no!” i let out a deep sigh. “alright so let’s say i do move out, where would i go? hm?” “i already have that planned out “ he points at me and smirks “one of my best friends, jaebeom, i told about him right?” i nod. “he’s been living by himself for a while and having kind of a hard time paying for the place so i was hoping you could move in with him” i think about it for a few seconds. “is it cheaper?” he nods assuringly. “ok” i say and he jumps up in excitement. “but you have to do most of the heavy lifting” “ok!”

jackson sets down the last box in my new room. i lay down on the mattress already getting tired from the thought of packing out. “there you go. jaebeom should get home from work at 7 so you have some time to be loud with your music and bad singing”. “hey!” i attempt to kick him but he pushes my foot away. “that’s one thing i wont miss” he continues and i pout. “but overall i’m gonna miss you” he pats me on the head and i smile. “me too”. “listen, i gotta get going but have fun packing out ok! bye~” before i could say bye in return he slams my door shut. he’s not gonna miss me. i put on my music and start opening up the first box.

i finally finish packing out and take a shower to cool my body down. i put on some shorts and a tank top. i check the time and it was 6:43 pm; jaebeom should be getting home soon. I think to make a ‘thank you for letting me live here’ dinner-gift. i walk out my room and was surprised when the front door opened and two shadows walked in. god my first day here and we’re already getting robbed. the tall, wide shouldered shadow turns on the light and reveals a recognizable face from the some of the pictures jackson posted on instagram. he sees me and freezes in shock. the smaller shadow reveals a very pretty woman’s face that automatically turns defensive. “who is she and what is she doing here?” she inquires. i intervene hoping to clear the air “i’m y/n, jaebeom’s new roommate.” i hold out my hand for her to shake. she looks at me and scoffs, then to jaebeom “i can’t believe you” she walks out the door slamming it behind her. jaebeom goes after her and i’m left standing there awkwardly. i go back to my room to avoid more awkwardness when they come back. i can always make that thank you dinner another time. a few minutes later i hear a soft knock on my door. “y/n? it’s jaebeom” i get up and open the door. “i’m sorry i didn’t know-” “no, no it’s fine it’s my fault actually i forgot you were coming today and i forgot to tell her. i’m sorry she was so rude to you, she can be.. defensive at times” he looks kind of stressed. “it’s ok, i won’t take it personally”. “i’m jaebeom” he holds his hand out “we didn’t get to properly introduce ourselves earlier” i shake his hand “y/n” we both give small smiles. we hold hands and eye contact for a little too long. he scans my body and i become self conscious remembering that i don’t have a bra on. i let go and cross my arms over my chest. “i’ve had a long day, so i’ll be going to bed now. good night.” i closed the door as quick as i could without being rude. i scold myself for not wearing the proper clothes. i was so used to living and being so comfortable with jackson that i completely forgot that this is not how you dress around a stranger. especially a man. an attractive man. with a girlfriend. i brush my teeth and go to bed to avoid overthinking.

i wake up early the next morning to make a thank you breakfast instead in hopes of getting on jaebeom’s girlfriend’s good side. jaebeom walks into the kitchen while i’m in the middle of cracking an egg. “good morning” he says in a husky voice. “good morning” i reply back. “you didn’t have to make breakfast, i’m the one that usually makes it” “oh no i wanted to make a thank you dinner last night but..” “my girlfriend” he finishes my sentence for me. “where is she by the way? i want to apologize” he frowns and sighs deeply “she got mad yesterday and left. and i told you it’s not your fault, you don’t have to apologize” he puts his hand on my shoulder and stares dead into my eyes. all of a sudden, i get hot. like extremely. like so hot i begin sweating. like so hot that i hear beeping… beeping? i turn around and realize that the pancakes i had on the stove caught on fire. i immediately start panicking and trying to blow it out and it only gets bigger. jaebeom comes with a fire extinguisher and pulls me away from the fire by the waist. he puts out the fire swiftly and sinks to the floor. i sit across from him and try to regulate my breathing. he squeezes the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger. god my second day here and i almost burn the house down. what tomorrow? i blow up the whole neighborhood? i get ready for the ‘you almost made my girlfriend break up with me and burn my house down get the fuck out’. but instead he just starts laughing and i do too. “what the hell were you cooking that it caught on fire like that?” “pancakes” he widens his eyes at me. “oh i am definitely cooking from now on” “no i promise i can cook just let me show you” i get up and reach for the pan. he gets up too and stops my hand from even getting remotely close to the pan. “i think we should settle for some cereal” “ok” i sigh. he pours us both a bowl and says “i don’t work today so if you’d like to do something and get to know each other, i’m free all day”. “yeah sure what did you have in mind?” “i was thinking about noraebang (karaoke). i think it’ll be really good to destress after..” he looks to the stove. “stop!~” he bursts out laughing. “so is that a yes or no?” “yes, i’ll go” “what time do you want to go?” i look at the time that reads 9:28 am “maybe around 2-ish”. “ok, 2-ish it is” he gives me a cute smile.

we enter the small room of stress relief and put our stuff down. “you want to go first?” jaebeom asks. “why should i go first?” “you must have the more stress than me, after all you did almost burn our house down” my heart kind of fluttered at ‘our house’ but it was overpowered by the annoyance i felt. i suck my teeth and grab the microphone and remote. i choose a song to terribly sing to and begin. i get a 64 as a score and when i turn around jaebeom is staring at me in disbelief. “yeah, yeah i’m bad at signing ok next your turn” “i wouldn’t say ‘bad’ i’d just say a little.. flat that’s all” “yeah ok here” i roll my eyes at him and shove the microphone in his chest; he snickers. he chooses a ballad and starts singing. and holy shit he can sing. this man sing sing like damn. when he’s done he gets a score of 98. “so this is why to took me here huh. to show off” i accuse him. “no, not at all” he waves me off and laughs. “here it’s your turn” he holds out the mic to me. “no let's do one together” i grab the other mic. we choose a trot and have fun just jumping around and being fools. there was a time when i was laughing my ass off and jaebeom was standing there staring at me, smiling. i guess he was amused by my ugly laugh but either way it made me blush. after dozens of songs later, jaebeom was doing his last one. he chose a slow love song and the way he was singing it could make anyone fall in love with him. he sung with his eyes closed; he knew it like the back of his hand. he turned to face me and opened his eyes to bore holes into mine. the normal me would avert to look at anything other than his eyes but there was something different about this time. i felt like if i did, my heart would stop or my lungs would burst or something would happen where i couldn’t live anymore. i felt like everything i needed to live was in the eye contact we were currently holding. he continues to sing to me with loving eyes and cups my cheek with his soft hands. my face would be hot if it weren’t for his rings cooling me down. the song ends and he drops the hand holding the mic to his lips to his side. he tilts his head to the side and leans in. his lips meet mine and i freeze. his kiss was soft and delicate like he didn’t want to hurt me, like he was scared i would reject him. i close my eyes and kiss him back. that fear was soon replaced by lust and desire. he bends down to put the mic on the table without breaking the kiss. the now unoccupied hand finds its way to my hip, pulling me closer. my hands move to the back of his neck and get lost in his hair. they move to his chest as i snap out of it and push him away. “you have a girlfriend” i say in disgust. “how could you even think about doing this to her?” i furrow my eyebrows “to me?” i reach for the door handle and jaebeom grabs my wrist. “y/n” i shake him off aggressively and walk out of the noraebang and all the way home.

when i get home jaebeom is waiting for me in the couch with his head in his hands. i try to walk past him quickly to my room but as soon as he sees me and jumps up almost immediately to block my way. “y/n please let me explain” “what is there to explain?” i maneuver my way around him. “a lot” he follows me on my way to my room. “no i think i understood the situation very clearly” i try to slam my door but he stops it with his hand. “no you didn’t and you still don’t” “ahh really? what part about you kissing me while having a girlfriend could i not possibly understand?” i succeed in slamming the door this time and lock the door. “all of it!” he yells through the door. i take a deep breath and rub my temples. i take a hot shower to calm my nerves and stay in my room for the rest of the day until it was time to go to bed.

the next day i pack a bag early in the morning and go to jackson’s place. i just couldn’t stay in that house, i needed a break. i think i’ve been more stressed in the last two day than i’ve ever been in my life. i ring on the doorbell and thankfully jackson answers the door. “y/n what the hell are you doing here so early?” “so i don’t have to see jaebeom” “what? why? don’t tell me you guys fought already” “i tell you everything” i walk inside and to the living room.

i finish my story without getting my blood completely boiling. “well, i think you should let him explain” jackson says as if it were that simple. “no! why should i?” “you know how hard it can be to control feelings especially if they’re strong and i know jaebeom, i know he wouldn’t be so irrational”. i know i should trust what jackson says because despite his stupidity at times, he actually gives good advice but i can’t help but get upset thinking about what jaebeom did. i just wish he would have vocalized himself first before making such an impulsive decision. “plus i know things that you don’t” he says persuasively. “ok but give me a few days to cool down” “as much time as you need as long as you listen to him” he pats me on the shoulder. “great so can i stay here?” it wouldn’t be too bad because jackson’s girlfriend knows me and would be understanding. “you- wah~ unbelievable! yes but only for two days ok” “i thought you said i could take as much time as i needed” “you can but not in my house” he gets up to go to his room. “some friend huh” “the best” he shouts down the hallway.

it’s been about four days and i get a text message from a random number.

“y/n hey it’s jaebeom when you see this please respond. i am so sorry for what i have done but if you could just let me talk to you everything will be better, i promise”

i could not believe this man had the audacity to text me. did it look like i wanted to talk to you?

i respond anyway.

“promises are made to be broken”

i turn off my phone in anger. how did he even get my number in the first place? i close my eyes and take a deep breath “jackson!” i yell. he peeps into the room like a kid who got caught stealing a piece of candy. “did you give my number to jaebeom?” “yes but-” “no buts, you’re supposed to be my friend and help me why would you do that?” i say starting to get fed up. “because! you need to get out my house y/n! it’s almost been a week. how am i supposed to get some quality alone time with my girl if you’re here moping around?” i stay silent. now i see why he needed me to move out. he sighs “listen, jaebeom is at work right now so we could go over there-” i cut him off “no. nope, not possible” “y/n listen to me please” he says in a serious tone. “fine” “ok so we can go and when he comes home i can help let both sides of the story be told and let you guys come to an understanding and everything can be sunshine, happy, and rainbows again” i laugh at the last part. “so do we have a deal?” i sigh deeply in defeat “deal”.

when we get to my shared home, i go to my room to put my bag away and jackson follows with a chair. “why are you bringing that?” “we need to all be facing each other you know. i read somewhere that it helps the brain process information in a more understanding way” i don’t think he did but i’d rather not question jackson at his weird times. i open my room door and walk in to see jaebeom sitting on my bed. i turn back to leave and the door is closed. i try the handle and it doesn’t budge. jackson yells from the other side of the door “you’re not coming out until you guys are all made up” i roll my eyes so far back they nearly get stuck. “y/n” a soft voice comes from behind me. “yes” i answer back with poison in my tone. “please” his voice plead and i found it hard to say no. i turn back and sit next to him on the bed, making sure to keep my distance. “go ahead” “thank you. firstly, i want to say i’m sorry for not speaking my mind before i made such a choice and not trusting you enough to tell you the situation and making you feel used. so that woman that you saw me with that first night was once my girlfriend that i actually considered to be my girlfriend but that was ages ago in college. i got this place when i was in a good enough position to and everything was good for a while but then bills got overwhelming and i needed some help and she was there for me. but then she got extremely controlling and i wanted to break up with her for the longest time but every time i’d try to she’d threaten me by saying that i’d lose this place and that my parents wouldn’t take me back because they told me not to do this and i just felt so trapped” i rub his shoulder in an attempt to console him. “so when jackson said that you could move in i was so relieved like the weight of the world was lifted off of me. that night when she stormed out and i followed her, i broke things off and that had to have been the best night of my life. i didn’t want to tell you we broke up at first because i knew that no matter how many times i’d say it’s not your fault, you’d still blame yourself. and i was embarrassed to tell the truth, i was afraid you’d think i was pathetic. but i feel even more pathetic now that you’re mad at me and you have a right to because it’s all my fault”. i started to feel guilty “jaebeom no it’s not, i should’ve let you explain yourself. i was a insensitive bitch and i should’ve listened to you instead of leaving without notice” “no don’t say that” he cups my cheek just like he did in the noraebang minus the rings so this time, my face was heating up completely. “why shouldn’t i?” i ask, my voice barely above a whisper. “because i hate seeing you beat yourself up and every time you do i want to kiss you until the sun comes up” his face was so close that his breath was brushing lightly on my face. “so why don’t you?” “can i?” “god jaebeom yes”. he crashes his lips into mine with longing and fervour; i return the same emotions. i feel his hands all over me and he lays me down without breaking the kiss. “let me make everything up to you” he kisses a trail down my jaw to my chest. he hastily pulls my shorts down and spreads apart my legs. he kisses the insides of my thighs lovingly and pulls down my underwear.

he collapses next to me and we both catch our breaths. he pulls me on top of him and holds me in his arms. he caresses my cheek “you’re so beautiful” he kisses me on my forehead and i smile. we stay there for a while, enjoying each other’s presences until my stomach rumbles and i curse at myself. “hungry?” he chuckles. i cover my face with my hands and smile shyly. he pulls my hands away from my face and kisses them. “come on, i’ll make you something and i won’t let it catch on fire” i frown at him and he laughs. he puts on his boxer briefs and leaves the room. i soon follow him to his room to steal some clothes from him. i search through his drawer and grab a black long sleeve to put on. jaebeom comes behind me and grabs me by the waist to move me out of the way so he can search through the drawer as well. “is jackson still here?” “no he left a long time ago” i hum in understanding. “wait, how do you know? and come to think of it how did you get out the room?” he freezes in front of me like a deer caught in headlights and runs out the room. i catch up to and jump on his back. he falls to the ground “tell me!” i start pinching him. “ok ok i asked him to plan it” “you ask him to plan for us to have sex?!” “no! i asked him to bring you here so i can apologize and leave after 30 minutes so then i could confess but i guess things took another route”. “ugh i hate you guys” i ease off of him but he turns on his back and pulls me back down on him. “you couldn’t possibly hate me babe”

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konicichan-blog · 6 years ago

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5am thoughts: theory: Story Of Light

is it called the Story of Light because its Shinee telling us and the whole entire world that they will no longer grief in sadness and that they've moved on and accepted what has happened? I'm sure we all know Shinee may still be sad (and maybe more than that) but what if this whole album is telling us that shinee, that all the members, Minho, Onew, Key, and Taemin are ready to have a new beginning? Like, they're ready to let all the sadness go and accept what has happened and that they will continue to work and grow.

What if You&I was about them talking about Jonghyun? Like, what if this song is about them trying to talk to Jonghyun? And theyre all trying to tell him that its hard when he's gone like they dont know what to do. "I’m the only one hurting, I may look fine I’m not easy, my feelings aren’t for decoration" And like they're all reminiscing their memories with him. All those good times that they're not ready to let go of. "A handful of memories, I laugh and remember every day" (okay the lyrics arent in order but JJJJust lemme finish and fyi, its gonna be a lOoong one). "There are countless stars in my heart, there’s one star that shines painfully I don’t want to grab it but I don’t want it to go out" okay in this part i think they maybe talking about Jonghyun. Maybe the stars represent people and "theres one star that shines painfully" might be Jonghyun. A star... someone really special to them... is hurting deep inside. Maybe Shinee is trying to tell us that although a celebrity or ANY person in general who may seem happy in front of the cameras or may seem happy in the outside in general is actually in deep pain inside. Dealing with self doubt, depression and all that and we just dont know :( "The things I can’t throw away make me smile" this is kinda self explanatory. Jonghyun, someone they love, someone they deeply cherish, someone they can't simply just let go of, someone who can always make them smile. You know? "I know that you’re being honest when you wish me well I’ll let you go easy, don’t think that you’re stepping on me" this is kinda hard to explain haha ahm.. maybe as time passes by, Jonghyun's absence is telling them to let go and move on and maybe they're mad with what he did? I DONT KNOW I DONT MEAN IT LIKE THAT! like mad, like?? how do i explain?? like maybe frustrated?? thats the best word i can think of right now riwjkrs they're frustrated but theyre not gonna blame it on him. like the good friends and brothers they are they will let it go easily.. UGH do i make sense? anyway. "I’ve let myself go to the wind and the rain that’s falling cooly But my feelings aren’t for decoration" okay so this is the part theyve told themselves that they really need yo accept what has happened. and maybe "my feelings arent for decoration" means that whatever they are feeling and whatever they are going through shouldnt be joked about in social media since its a serious matter and well ive seen some haters and some "new kpop fans" talk shit about this issue and honestly 😤 it makes me want to slap a bitch

Anyway

next song > UNDERCOVER

so the lyrics:

"I’m paddling my feet as busily underneath the surface with a calm expression on my face, You don’t know"

have u seen swans? how they paddle their legs under the water to move but above the water they seem so calm? like ballerinas, how their arms and body are always so graceful but their legs do all the work and stuff ¿¿?? okay im comparing the lyrics to swans and ballerinas because what if the boys are trying to tell us Jonghyun's situation and maybe also their's and other people who is suffering the same way? We don't always know what happens when we turn around. We don't always know when they're hurting. It's actually pretty easy to lie and fake a smile now a days so we always have to be careful with our loved ones. we dont always know what they're dealing with and one wrong move can cause a bomb to explode.

"Before the curtains rise, I’m always busy but when I’m standing before you I’m Acting cool"

Maybe theyre telling us that behind the scenes, theyre also suffering with personal or family issues. like every other person, celebrities have problems that they deal with too. they also have feelings. maybe on stage theyre smiling and having so much fun but backstage, theyre suffering? they cant breathe, they're overworked, theyre tired. sometimes they're forced to do things. Honestly for me, the kpop industry is so pressuring. you have to be this or that and if you cant you get criticized for it.

"I can’t let you know the things that are secretly happening now, now is not the time. I wait for the right moment, so that when you’ve realized it it’s too late."

Obviously most idols worry about their fans. Theyre worried when theyre fans are worried. its like a family thing we idol and fans have for each other yknow and maybe thats why sometimes they cant always speak up about whats really going on inside their mind. They cant always talk about it to the public bc sometimes people are so rude and so insensitive and leave comments like, "youre not depressed! youre just overthinking" bullshit, barbara. "you just need to hang out more" hMMmM :// ANYWAY thats why they dont really speak up alot. sometimes they cant even go to a psychiatrist privately because the media is always watching and once its on display, BOOm haters here and there talking bs and obviously WE wouldnt realize unless its TOO LATE!

"Like a black shadow is absorbed into the night, the night I dig deep beyond the consciousness, inside of you I’m Undercover"

I dont know how to begin with this.. its like once theyve hit rock bottom and they feel like nothing is gonna get better amd everything is just dark and gloomy. Maybe this is like the moving on part?? like the beginning of moving on. the depressive episode. And at first theyre just trying to hide everything. Just being undercover.

WAIT OMG OKAY SO MAYBE UNDERCOVER BEFORE YOU&I

so they got depressed over what happened and theyre trying to hide from everybody that theyre okay but theyre not and theyre just undercover. in you&i thats when they start reminiscing about jonghyun and talking to him. telling him they miss him and that for him, they're ready to accept and let go.

OKOK SO THE NEXT SONGS ARE WHEN THEY START BEING POSITIVE AGAIN !! YES GO SHINEE !! OUR STRONG KINGS !!!

so i dont really know the sequence i mean its already fucked up in the beginning so lets just go with whatever !!!

So in GOODEVENING!

"The cozy darkness is lingering far away"

so the 'darkness' or those gloomy days and toxic vibes theyve been surrounding themselves has been slwoly disappearing. they're starting to feel a little better again. <3

"At the tip of the sunset that hangs on the buildings I think of you"

i cant explain this one and note: i havent slept and its 6am but im still trying to make this work. but i think fjksjfks ok sunsets means like the day is "ending" and like before the day ends, they remember their sufferings while they were depressed and all those sad times with Jonghyun, like those times of grief.. they remember it all before starting a new day ¿¿ I DONT KNOW im trying my best to explain it. Its like theyre finally accepting what has happened and is ready to start a new happy day

"Spill out the darkness

Open the night

I wanna see you more, right now, oh"

So the sunsets and the night has come and theyve already accepted whats happend but they want to see Jonghyun in a different light. They want to see their bestfriend and brother as someone who was happy and made others happy. They want to remember Jonghyun as someone who made his parents and everyone around him proud.

"The moonlight is rising

I’m going to you before it’s too late

I’m going to get you

Imagining how surprised you’ll be, I’m going to you

Going to you

Without a reason, going to you"

okay this part is like giving someone a hug before they leave for their flight. Like even when hes gone hes not alone and shinee is not alone. like theyre always together. theyll always be together. "imagining how surprised you will be" nrkanfks im thinkg on how to write thus part wo sounding sarcastic. knowing what jonghyun has been through, he might have thought that he was and always will be alone... but the members are there to guide him in his travel to heaven with their prayers and theyre all hoping to surprise him ¿¿ AAAA im sorry if this sounds sarcastic or offensive i REALLY didnt mean it to be that way >·<

literally,for me anway, the whole song is about how theyll always be there for each other. even when the other is far away, it will never stop them from what they are doing. and thats why i love Shinee so much💓

In jump im not gonna add a lot of lyrics since im getting lazier. (lmao you can see my effort fading from you&i until here)

in Jump the song is about them trying to put their pieces together again. They've been broken and torn apart but they're ready to pick theirselves up again.

"I shake my head, brush it off and adjust my heart

I solidly protect my space again"

no one can recover quickly so i guess in this part, they're trying to take things slow. not too fast or anything or else they might make a wrong move and fall back to square one.

"Keep on enduring it

Just close my eyes when it feels futile for no reason"

in this part, theyre still not that strong enough so theyre telling themselves that they should just endure the pain or sadness. if it feels impossible, just close your eyes, believe and trust in yourself. theyve made it this far, why should they quit now?

"Higher, rise higher, fly

There’s the ground beneath your feet

When I travel between the two

Oh yes I feel the freedom

I jump on you, jump on you"

when they finally overcome the fear and sadness and EVERYTHING! they feel the weight lift from their shoulders and finally they feel freedom. overjoyed, they celebrate by jumping¿¿ i guess?? lmAO

"I’m not falling

I’m not wilting

It’s just changes

I turn different

And keep going forward"

this is when they realize that: nothing is going bad. everything is going just fine and everything is great. maybe they havent fully recovered yet but all those depression and pain is finally gone and theyre happy. They're different now and they realize they can finally keep moving forward without feeling to fall back down again.

"Why is that hard Why did I hesitate for such a long time Following my heart away From other people’s eyes I free the feet that were bound I let my imagination loose after a long time The wind is blowing Now I open my eyes and breathe in"

the first 2 lines is probably them asking themsleves, why didnt we do this earlier? they finally followed what their heart wanted instead of being trapped in their own mind and they finally can breathe again. they feel free and loose. they dont feel the heavy chains hanging on their shoulder anymore !

Now I can open my eyes and breathe in.

this is honestly a HUGE step for them. and im so proud?? ugh..

last song: All Day All Night

"All the moments I met you were highlight I don’t regret it, it’s just beautiful"

Theyre remembering Jonghyun more with their happy memories. How his existence highlighted mostly everything in their past. Jonghyun was such a big part of their lives and even if he was gone, they were still happy that he was able to be part of their lives and they were thankful to be a part of his.

"I start to see the world differently Yeah it’s all for you Time starts to emit a light Yeah it’s all for you Our very painful tears The joy that fills ourh hearts All for you, all for you, all for you"

Theyre doing all these wonderful things all for Jonghyun and maybe also for us too and for themselves. "Time starts to emit light" its pretty self explanatory. theyre beginning to see things in a positive way again !! So all of this, this is all for Jonghyun.

"Leave it alone, hold me and my painful scars All of it is the control"

theyre telling us to maybe accept it and move on too. To move on with them. We're all in this together and everything is in control.

So YAAS thats my theory or whatever you call it for SHINEEs album. I really do think the message hidden behind this album is deep and amazing and VERY important. I'm glad SHINEE is able to see things in a new light. Let's just keep loving and supporting them, okay??! So that's it.

The Story Of Light.

The End.

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wolfwhiteflowers · 7 years ago

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carol and michonne / caryl and richonne in s8A.

I want to focus on Carol and Michonne and not just the ships, in 8x06 and 8x07. maybe cos im more of an overall-fan or character-first fan. I got these thoughts but people seem to just wanna focus only on the ships rn.

But, first I wanna mention ship-related things, heh. I noticed that both Caryl and Richonne are apart in the story-s8A. Both ships had their sweet goodbye moments in s8x01. Both shippers are complaining of the lack of interactions in s8A. It just shows that it’s from the same writers-same writing style. Keep in mind that S8A and these shippy moments happened in about one or two days. It’s TWD writing style..they’re always slow paced. I’m not really into the romance part of s8A because everything seems to be about the war and charactery stuff. The characters aren’t thinking of romance at the moment. Also, this show isn’t a romance-drama type of show. So, when those lil romantic moments happened in s8A, it’s cool. It kinda tells me the writers still remember the ships’ bonds. I’m also not expecting much romance stuff in s8A/s8, because based on spoilers and how the story is already going is so dark and other stuff needed to be shown first before happy romance stuff. Like Daryl dealing with his anger, character stuff. It seems like not a good time for shippy moments. I think romantic moments in s8 will be subtle, and mostly in the end of the season. Well, I hope there’s some subtle shippy moments in s8 msf.

Ok so about Carol. During the scene between Carol and Zeke, Carol cried and said “you’re real to me.” I don’t see that scene as a romantic-like scene or only a “C/Z” scene. Sure, the C/Z shippers can take it shippy or others can see that it’s something that shows their bond getting stronger. So, I don’t see that scene romantic, but I also see it more of characters’ moment. I see it as a big moment for Carol, and Zeke individually in the story.

C: Why did you keep coming to visit me? Z: It was my duty. To make sure you were okay. C: I was okay. Why did you really? Z: You just made me feel real. Not a fiction. Real. C: You are real. To me. To the Kingdom. Those people need their king to lead them. Z: You. You could lead them. C: But it has to be you. You inspired them to build this place to believe in something. You have to help them grieve, to move on, to end this. You owe them that. Henry needs you.Those people need King Ezekiel. And if you can't be the king, then do what you do best and play the part. I have to act every day. It used to bother me. But this is who I am, and I am still standing. I just have to act like everything is normal until it is. It's what they need, and it's what you have to give them. Z: I can't.

I don’t think Carol cried because of Zeke. I think she cried because of herself and what she had gone through. Carol and Zeke use their skill to pretend to survive and to get through the day. They have that in common. They pretend a lot. I think when they pretend, it’s like they’re hiding their true self or protecting their true self. So when Carol cried, and saying “you’re real to me” It was like she’s saying to herself. I’m real. I’m just as strong and brave as this pretend self. Or even the pretend self goes in flames and become ashes, Carol’s still here and still real and brave and all that. So, I just wanna focus on that. It’s like a great Carol character-moment of her, imo.

About Michonne. I really like what she said to Daryl and what she learned through going out and checking out the Sanctuary. It’s a good scene and quote(and that Rosita said it too). I liked that she was just herself. She wasn’t “Rick’s gf” or because she is, she still does her own thing.

I came here ‘cause I wanted to see things for myself. I wanted to know that things were gonna work. But you know what? I don’t get to know that. None of us do. What I do know is that things are working now. So maybe we just need to trust that things are gonna keep working, because this what we’re about to do, it’s not worth risking us.

I like this quote. It’s like when I’m anxious and overthinking and over-plan things...sometimes you just gotta ‘let it go..let it be’. I’m gonna be fine. I like that she said something like as long as it’s going. ‘keep going’ It’s kind of like “you’re trying/ still doing it is good enough’. Then she said to Daryl “it’s not worth risking us.” Makes me think like ‘don’t be hard on yourself’. Also, it’s them taking it personal and that their plan, they think it’s the best way to do it.. but their rogue plan and Rick’s plan are just plans. Either way, TF is doing something about the Negan problem, Daryl’s team don’t need to add another non-group plan. IMO, Daryl’s team is more on being personal and needing a forgiveness..arc. (sorry if this was confusing)

Anyways. What’s also interesting about Michonne’s scene was that I was wondering about her opinion on Rick’s “plan”(idk why i keep saying Rick’s plan..when it’s actually TF’s plan). Idk if I’m biased, but I thought she wasn’t against Rick and his plan. I see some comments like Michonne thinks his plan was dumb etc. But, in the show, Michonne, wanted to see if the plan was working. She didn’t say anything about disagreeing Rick’s plan. But, I agree she was like going against Rick... when she wanted to help out Daryl’s team to do their plan. It was like jump from her character but there wasn’t a big moment of her like disagreeing with Rick. So, she helped out a bit and realized to herself and from Rosita, that she doesn’t want to mess up Rick’s/TF plan. Well, I guess it just shows TF are flexible on changing and adding up Rick/TF’s original plan. My point is that she didn’t go against Rick in this episode. I also wonder about what her thoughts on prisoners of war like what the plot had been going on in s8A, but we didn’t get to hear that. (Like Carol, Zeke..) I would like to know, because I wonder if she would agree with Rick or not, too. Rick seems to be on the side on having prisoners of war and not killing all saviors.

So yeah I liked these interesting character moments of Carol and Michonne.

#carol peletier #michonne #caryl #richonne #caryl and richonne #*twd #twd s8 #also this is my opinion ok #twd spoilers #i like that it was about themselves and not the ship

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foxstens · 6 years ago

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now she asks me if i don’t want her to come after all

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

EVERY TIME

EVERY FUCKING TIME

HOW DOES SHE JUMP TO THESE CONCLUSIONS

IM JUST TELLING HER THAT THINGS MIGHT NOT GO OUR WAY

AND I DON’T REALLY WANT HER TO STAY THE WEEKEND FOR OBVIOUS REASONS

BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T WANT HER TO COME AT ALL

HOW COULD I PHRASE IT DIFFERENTLY WITHOUT MAKING HER GET UPSET

I JUST

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHE DOES THIS EVERY TIME

BUT THEN THE MOMENT I GET UPSET OVER HER SAYING/DOING SOMETHING I’M STUPID AND TOO SENSITIVE

N I C E

EVER SINCE I STARTED UNI I’VE TRIED TO BE SO MUCH KINDER THAN I USUALLY AM (WHICH IS STILL PRETTY KIND IF I SAY SO MYSELF) WITH THE WORDS I USE AND SHIT BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THROUGH THE PHONE THINGS CAN EASILY BE MISUNDERSTOOD ESPECIALLY BY PEOPLE WHO OVERTHINK EVERYTHING

BUT HOW ELSE CAN I SAY IT WHEN SHE DOESN’T EVEN WANNA LISTEN TO ME

AND NOW SHE PROBABLY WON’T TALK TO ME FOR THREE DAYS

NOTHING NEW THERE

-_________________-

ok it’s not like i’d die if she didn’t come cause there’s just too many things to be thought about and she doesn’t know what food to make and if she stayed only a day we wouldn’t have time to do much BUT I WOULDN’T EVER TELL HER THAT OBVIOUSLY

do you know how many times she did this thing where i said something (I NEVER EVEN KNOW WHAT IT WAS OH MY GOD) and then she got upset and stopped talking to me for days on end

she’s never explained to me what exactly is so bad about the things i say

AND THEN THERE’S THE FACT THAT SHE ALSO DOES THIS WITH MY GRANDPARENTS

AND HOW AMAZING IT IS THAT SHE’S THE ONE PERSON I MANAGE TO OFFEND EVERY OTHER WEEK

BUT IT’S NEVER HAPPENED WITH ANY OTHER PERSON I’VE BEEN CLOSE TO EVER

AND IT’S ALWAYS BEEN FRAMED AS THIS THING ABOUT ME

THAT IM ‘BLUNT’ AND ‘NOT CONSIDERATE OF OTHERS’

BUT SHE NEVER THINKS THAT IT MIGHT BE HER

YOU KNOW THE PERSON WHO MISUNDERSTANDS EVERYTHING BUT THEN NEVER LISTENS TO YOUR EXPLANATION BECAUSE SHES CONVINCED YOU MEANT SOMETHING YOU DID NOT MEAN

AND SOMETIMES SHE MISUNDERSTANDS THINGS IN SUCH A WAY THAT I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE IT FUCKING CAME FROM

i just

i just don’t know what to do

i’m afraid to talk to her at this point

and then she asks me why i don’t tell her everything the way i used to

well maybe because she has this ability to make everything about her, even when i’m talking about things that happen to me that have nothing to do with her

so that’s fine

tomorrows gonna be a disaster

and there goes my entire weekend

nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND THEN THERE’S THE FACT THAT SHE ONLY HALF COMES TO CLUJ FOR ME. BECAUSE. SHE LOVES THE CITY AND SHE LOVES BEING HERE

SO THEN WHY DOES SHE NEED MY APPROVAL. COME AND HAVE FUN. I WONT STOP YOU

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#mine #my posts #my rants #pls kill me #read more #personal

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cliveboney · 7 years ago

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hhhhhh

im tryin to get over this & move on w/ my life so maybe making a post abt it will help

so i applied for a zine a while ago (well like. 2 weeks ago) bc i’ve never been part of one & i thought it might be cool (also free copy + $$ right yell heah yeehaw). from the beginning i wasn’t really expecting too much like im just basically like “it won’t hurt to just apply & see what happens”

so i spent a bit of time gathering up some recent pieces to put in my “”portfolio”” so i could send it over because like. applications were open but there was like a week until the deadline to send yours so i took advantage of that to finish up some drawings i’d been working on etc (that’s why i was suddenly super active on my art blog for like a week lmaoo)

Anyway i did all that & put it in my portfolio & then submitted it the day before the deadline & it was all taken care of, time to wait. the next step was for the organizers to post the list of accepted artists, so they did that & i checked & unfortunately i didnt make the cut which is like. cool, fine, i wasn’t expecting much anyway, right? they had a ton of applicants so chances were slim, etc etc

not gonna fuckin lie to myself tho ok i rly did want to be a part of the project & i was pretty proud of the things i had worked on in preparation for the application & yea i did think i had a p decent chance li ke i obvs didn’t know who i was up against & it could’ve totally been a bunch of amazing artists who blew me out of the water but i felt like my stuff was at least. u know. nice to look at

anyway i didnt get in & i was like rip & the organizers were like “we’re gonna send out emails to everyone including those who weren’t accepted” & i was like ok cool at least this way i’ll know for sure they got my entry

except. i never got an email?? they were like “we’ll send them out today/tomorrow” & it’s been almost a week now & i haven’t gotten anything so now instead of moving on like i’m supposed to be doing i keep thinking about what if my entry didn’t go through, does this mean i actually did have a chance but some random error prevented it from happening? they had so many entries & there was so little time between the deadline for submissions & the announcement of the artist list, did they really look at all the entries, or did they stop before they got to mine? did i fuck this up by waiting too close to the deadline, ensuring that my work never even got considered? but if i had submitted early i wouldn’t have had any examples of my current work to show, and my art has definitely changed since the last time i posted smth i was actually proud of so it wouldn’t have been good to submit at that point anyway

im just fucking overthinking everything & it’s so. ugh. and im literally /literally/ the worst person for doing this, but i did look at some of the accepted artists & i did compare my work to theirs & i absolutely did feel like mine could have easily been accepted over theirs but then again i have the creator’s point of view i dont know what my art actually looks like, maybe it looks like shit maybe it looks dumb as hell with weird proportions & unintentional warping that just makes it so goddamn ugly no one wants to look at it & that’s why all the things im proud of never get reblogged, who knows!!

i don’t know what the organizers’ criteria for judgement was & i dont know what precisely they were looking for all i know is i didn’t get into the thing i rly wanted to get into & im upset abt it despite my best efforts not to be & i wish i could just move on and try again next time but that was literally the only time i’ve ever seen a call for applications to a zine, i have no idea how tf people actually find these things because the only way i ever find out about them is when they’re done and being advertised to sell so even though i know it’s not the case this felt like a special one-time opportunity which is making the rejection feel even worse & im just overall rly mad abt this bc i went into this so casually & somehow came out so unhappy

i just wish i could forget about it & get on with more important things in my life like hmm maybe the one month i have left to catch up in my classes & not fail them both like uhhh this shitty 90 second animation for this shitty piece of shit class that someone somehow tricked whoever’s in charge into labeling an “animation class” for which neither of those words apply as there is teaching of neither animation nor any other fucking thing in the entire universe going on during what i like to call the Three Hell Hours, each referred to respectively as “i woke up this early and walked this far and climbed this many stairs for This”, “holy shit it’s only 9 am how”, and “just 55 more minutes until i can get the fuck out of this time trap and spend the rest of the day trying to figure out if this moment right now even happened or if it was all a terrible fever dream that i had while really spending the morning actually asleep”

this got away from me, it’s well past midnight, im tired and not happy ok, today was a bad day for no reason, just generally a shit day, i gave a presentation on my half-assed painting project today which was about aromanticism & ended up telling my class im aro which didn’t seem like a big deal at the time & probably isn’t in the long run but for some reason i’m regretting it big time now like i feel like i shouldn’t have been so casual like that with a bunch of strangers & i was trying to explain the project but people were confused bc i forgot that most people don’t even distinguish between romantic/sexual orientation & people know basically nothing abt aromanticism bc nobody ever talks about it except sometimes on the internet and hhhhhh it went fine and all but i feel retroactively uncomfortable at having been so open about myself in front of a bunch of people who Don’t Get It man what a wakeup call after having been online w/ people who do get it for so long

my only consolation is that i have a friend in that class who Gets It & she’s like. my one support in that class, she said i handled it well so that was reassuring at least. but god. i can’t wait for the semester to be over so i never have to go back & face those people again lolllool godddddddd

anyway that’s all the venting i want to do for now lmfao sorry about this i just. hohjhj

#text posting #vent post #negative /#i didnt reread this so it's complete trash don't read it im the worst

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worldofsurvivortibet-blog · 8 years ago

Text

EPISODE 1 (Part 1) - “I'll be sharpening my knife just in case” - Eddie

JULIA RAE

im gay

TRYSTEN

The Cheshire Cat is back again

ELENA

Ok it is only like 15 minutes into the game so I don't have anything to say but I love you Jay! So I am making a confessional <3

EDDIE

Im y'all putting me on a tribe with Jaiden who I have not talked to for months and who is in general probably the messiest org player you will find on the planet. I'm in vermont right now in at an inn with shitty service so I'm definitely ready to be booted out of this thing pretty quickly. But I'll be sharpening my knife just in case I can somehow make it a swap.

DARIAN

This season I'm going to write actually decent confessionals. At least I hope! This tribe is pretty lit and the people are so nice! I obviously haven't had a lot of time to get to know everyone but I cant wait! I really think this is going to be a great season!

JAIDEN

I'm actually pretty content with the tribe I got placed on, because I only know Eddie. I could probably use that to my advantage but I don't know if he likes me so... good luck to me. I like playing in games where I know very few people but I am definitely a little worried about Keyonjay being on the other tribe because he will probably go out before I ever swap onto the same tribe as him, and that lowkey sucks. I'm also SUPER concerned about Ting Ting because I hear she's a huge threat and she and Seamus are like, dating IRL or something so hmm. Gonna keep that on my radar.

DANI

Five minutes in and I already hate my tribe, there isn't really anyone I can put my trust in, we better not lose the first immunity challenge, I'm not leaving first again...

CHRISSA

um I hope i am okay in this game idk these people too well and I just hope i can stay a while I fucking hate not knowing the cast before but whatever can i just say I love Jay and that is all.

CARSON

Our tribe is really talkative... which is horrible for me bc im not asdfghjkl. Oh well we have a lot of comp beasts on out tribe so we should be good.

ACE

I've never done this in a game before but let me do a little cast assessment. First let's start with my tribe, Namtso! Jared and I have a lil history in games where I always always always get him out somehow someway. Who knows if he'll trust me! I LOVE KENDALL, nuff said. I have no idea who all the others are but I hope I can make friends with them and have them not vote me off n stuff. In Kailash, I already have Carson added but idk them that well. I love Chrissa and I hope we both make merge or swap on a tribe together and be besties. Dani can go! I love Elena I hope we can acc work together earlier this time than I did in Pompeii. I'm not sure about Seb, he literally just evicted me as hoh in another game rofl. Everyone else idk but I hate that I know more ppl on this tribe than my own tribe. I guess I gotta get talking huh? The last tribe with the unreadable buff has Matt and Trysten. Matt's my fellow furry and Trysten is also semi-furry so I hope they can survive. As for Jaiden, FUCK him I hope he gets out before I even have to deal with his ass. And again idk everyone else.

JAIDEN

Two confessionals in one night? Not surprising. I was really excited to have a non-messy tribe but for some reason, I'm put with two fellow normal people and four confirmed freaks. I don't even know who Johnny is yet but he's literally looped in with those weirdos until further notice. Let's do a quick cast assessment of my tribe, which I forgot its name already because ? flops only. EDDIE - Y'all really did this to me, huh? Eddie hasn't spoken to me since BEFORE October because that's the furthest our chat history even goes. It's me sending messages and him not responding and it's literally the most disappointing thing ever because now I have to work with him in order to exterminate the furries and dildo freaks of this tribe. He's a nice guy and I will only allow him to stick around premerge because he is also a huge threat and a bigger backstabber than I am. JAIDEN - flop JOHNNY - He is not here yet but I think he'll be cool to talk to later on I guess, because we're the same age but he seems more "put together" and like he has legitimate goals in his life. But he's also a college student so I don't expect him to be around much, so I just want to work with him until there is no more need for him if he truly is an inactive person. JULIA - Honestly? She's fucking annoying already lmao SORRY IF UR READING THIS but she talks about dildos and getting fucked in the ass by furries and it's just like... calm down. It's day one and she's already said about 500 things and it's 500 things too much. Definitely bottom of the tribe so far lmao. MATT - He IS loud and cocky and I think he's going to try really really hard to be the Tyson-esque villain this season, so he's also my least favorite because he is not going to be genuine or good at this game. He could go. TING TING - She's sweet so far but she's really hard to talk to because her answers are so short and they can end a conversation in a second. I feel like she's the only person I like at the moment and that sucks so much because damn, she's not easy to talk to. I'm hoping that we have to go to tribal council first though and pump some of those strategic juices into the tribe because I feel like she'll open right up if that's the case. TRYSTEN - Okay I immediately want him to be first boot because he's the most annoying but in subtle ways. He's like "SOMEONE ALREADY THINKS IM AN ALT" and like well, maybe because you're so adamant that you aren't??? Like shut up. And he's saying that Dani is his sister or something in his cast intro and literally no one cares, but you're just a freak thats putting a huge target on their back for no reason. Anyways...enjoy being the only person to get 21st place in this series :o FLOP! So yeah, there's my cast assessment for this tribe. Hopefully I can fall into an alliance and not get first boot from this horrific tribe, but it could probably be worse on the other side. Wish me luck, and tell the VL to suck my left nut! xoxo

KEYONJAY

I really like my tribe a lot. I have a really good feeling about Nicholas, that he could be a strong ally down the road. Kendall is hilarious, I'm vibing with her pretty well. I've had a short conversation with Amanda. Ace is a fucking amazing artist, and newlyf is cool even though I don't even know their real first name and they haven't messaged me back lol. I like everybody so far and I'm making a conscious effort to get to know everybody unlike in my other games where I would wait for people to come to me. Maybe it's the power of the meesh avatar, but I really hope my social game is better this time around. Y'all wrong for making this the first challenge tho @hosts.

MATT

So I just wanna make a SHORT rant on how I feel about my tribemates. Eddie: Eddie my fellow Gorlley. You're cool and I hope we do get to work together moving forward here. Jaiden: Bruh, you're funny and you also seem cool af. Let's pray my opinion on you doesn't change Johnny: Why u no active? Julia: I really feel like you might become one of my best friends here. You're really cool to talk to Matt: You sexy monster you. *winks* Ting Ting: Just like Julia, you really might become one of my best friends here. Trysten: Stop lying about being an angel, I can see right into your soul.

KEYONJAY

So I really wasn't gonna do the day one alliance thing, but Kendall proposed we go into an alliance and ofc I'm gonna say yes. haha. I do actually like her a lot so that's good. She pulled in Ace, and I wanted to pull in Nicholas because I feel like me and him gel pretty well. Hopefully people see Kendall as the figurehead because my whole strategy was to fly UTR but things change like that in this game. Basically, I just wanna make friends with everybody so I'm not the target regardless, do well in the challenges, and not overthink things like I usually do.

ACE

I'm talking to Ally in PC and I swear I'm getting Mega vibes from her. I swear if Ally is Mega....

KENDALL

Hello. It's me. I've been wondering after all these years, if you'd like to me. To go over everything.... Yeah that's all I know, I mean sure I could look up the lyrics on Google but I am far too lazy. No wait I also know HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE It has been ten billion years since my last confessional/game, which may seem mathematically impossible because I've only played survivor for one year but shut up because this is my confessional... bitch. Any who, I am back with two percent more evil and one percent more effectiveness. No longer will I be a drifter, just sort of hanging back and waiting for anyone to pick me up and drag me along, I will be the leader!!!!!!!! Despite having about zero charisma and even less interpersonal skills. But my mommy says I am special so there. Anyway I have made an alliance with people. Ew gross I know. But it has to be done. I've made a group of people who were speficially selected because of their incompetence in some areas. Ace the Squabit: I've played with Ace in Pompeii, we aligned for a short period of time before Drew voted him out. He is incredibly intelligent but he isn't particularly social. Creating a bond with him shouldn't be too difficult because of this fact. Keyonjay Dixon: Aside from having a bitchin' name, Keyonjay has one of the rare characteristics of getting my sense of humor. He isn't very connected to the community so I don't have to worry about any pregame alliances he may have made. In a previous game, he stated to have "played for someone else," time will tell if he will repeat this mistake. And last but not least we have, Nicholas: I don't know him very well and I don't have as much control over him as I do the others. Which frightens me... but I think we get along just fine. I've recommended Survivor seasons to him because he hasn't seen the show so maybe that will bring a bond of some sort. As for the other tribe members, Amanda seems pretty chill and Newlyf is fucking hilarious. I'd like to avoid getting them out if I can. Jared on the other hand... I don't particularly care. He is so boring and has terrible spelling, two of the worst qualities. He called me a psycho in a PM to Ace, which is mildly amusing because I don't think he knows how far it really goes. He doesn't trust Ace, he doesn't like me, he was barely on for the first half of the game. Jared serves no use to me or anyone in my cult... sorry alliance lol auto correct. Anyway I will update when I get more information but until then... HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

DANI

I really wanna trust these people, but I really cant. I literally have one ally and it's already almost day 2. Well, one ally is better than none I guess. I just really wanna win immunity. I'm not taking the risk of going to tribal council.

EDDIE

Basically Ting Ting is a queen and I'm planning on making her my Sam of this game and I've pretty much let her know that. Although idk if she finds it sketchy that after once hour I said that but I honestly don't have as much time as a thought as I would so I need to leech myself to a strategically gifted iconic queen that will carry me through the beginning stages of the game into the merge. I honestly haven't decided if I'm going to stay loyal to Ting or not. But if I do vote her out it wouldn't be until the final 5 which is about the time that I probably should've cut Sam in bangladesh but I didn't cause I'm an emotionally human being. By that time though I'll probably have become way too close with Ting to cut her and I will probably make the same mistake I did in Bangladesh which is not taking out the clear jury threat and the person who will obviously win the game at the end. But that won't matter to me as long as I get to have fun bathing in the blood from all the other people who's demise I will cause. I'm going to busy these first rounds of the game but once things slow down and I settle into my city life I should be able to really get into it. I don't need other people knowing that though. Right now I'm just gonna play the sort of active, sort of inactive number for who ever is running the tribe (which will probably be ting which is why I decided to leech myself onto her). I believe Jaiden will try to run the tribe but he and I mean... he can think he is. But I will make sure Ting Ting knows all about his ruthless gameplay and the erratic and messy way he plays. She can do all the work rope in the numbers and I'll just be her little yes man. Whatever gets me to the swap tbh. Either way, I want to keep Jaiden on the outs while making him believe he's the leader. If I have it my he will be first boot, but if not I will coddle him and make him feel like I'm close with him right until I put the knife in his back which I'm hoping will he sooner rather than later, especially on a tribe with such small numbers. Idk how well that will work but it's worth a shot. I also have been talking to Roxy a bit and also matt. Im gonna go to them tomorrow on my drive home from vermont and be like "hey guys!!! Im a busy man!!!! Sorry couldn't talk to you last night!!!! And then talk to them all the way on the ride home and build up some type of bond or whatever.... Jaiden not being around tomorrow should make it even worse on him? Either way, I'm going to do a faceplant into Ting Tings ass. I have no shame in kissing someones ass just to get myself further in this game. That's what this is all about amiright? I'm honestly ready to be first boot, but if I'm not this should be fun.

ACE

I should be scared of the Pokemon Camp Community but I'm not really. Its true they are a force and nobody could stand against them if they are all together but I doubt half of them would make merge. Kendall and I are already planning on taking out Jared if we ever lose cuz he said he doesnt trust me and called Kendall a psycho (which is true in a good way~) Dani and Trysten might seem like a threat to others in tribe stage due to Trystan's bio I guess? I dunno. As for Seb idk why yall casted him cuz he's probably most likely 75% chance going to strike out and be removed anyway so nobody should worry about him.

DARIAN

So. It's been a day and someone has already asked to work with me. #Dani. I dont know where this is going to go i know I'm not committing myself to anything this drastic on day one. I guess it's nice to know I have one option! Dani seems really nice! So who knows

DANI

If we don't win this fucking reward challenge I will be PISSED, I busted my ass in that stupid ass unicorn game and pretended to enjoy that shit so other people would do it.

KENDALL

https://youtu.be/v5O6_rA0VFc

MATT

Honestly, I feel like I did good on this first challenge. I still trying to figure out who on my tribe would be the best for me to make an alliance with. In a sense, I am somewhat apprehensive because of Lazio and its endless tribe swaps....eh, time to snoop around.

KENDALL

OH MY FUCKING GOD I HAVE THAT STUPID SONG FROM ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK STUCK IN MY HEAD. ~ALWAYS I WANT TO BE WITH YOU MAKE BELIEVE WITH YOU AND LIVE IN HARMONY HARMONY, OH LOVE~ SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CURSE YOU JAY, SEAMUS, AND CARSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#wostibet #confessionals

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