#who knows what do i know. probs not enough
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Happy 1k!!!!
Now beautiful, I'd like a Vampire!TXT thoughts/hc and of course some biting i know you like that and make it suggestive
me to you tonight
vampire!txt headcanons
warnings:🔞!!! fem!reader, mentions of blood, biting, oral (f!rec) prob forgot some sorry
wc: 1.0k total
an: ily mae thank you, you're making me blush, if anyone was going to bite me I would ask you first. I hope you like this! also your yeonjun posts about him being a phlebotomist (and my babysitter's a vampire) influenced taehyuns part <333
[m.list] [1kevent m.list]
yeonjun .ᐟ
very into keeping his hands on you because of your warmth, loves to feel how your flush travels along your body when he traces patterns on you. Feeling you blush is even better when you're making out. Loves to feel the heat in your cheeks while he cups them, peppering kisses anywhere he feels the blush has spread. Will bite your ass just to leave a mark. Loves to bite your thighs. Loves when he lays his head in your lap and you play with his hair. Easy for him to just twist around and nip at your flesh, will kiss over the marks he makes to get the blood on his lips. Kisses exchanged so you can taste yourself. Loves to eat you out with the taste of your blood in his mouth. His two favorite flavors mixing drives him insane. Let’s his fangs brush over your clit just to see you jump. Could spend hours going between feeding on your blood and your wetness.
soobin .ᐟ
an obsessive biter without even realizing it. So confused to see teeth marks all over you like he wasn't the one doing it. Loves to bite over your heart, teeth sinking right into your breast. Dragging his teeth over your sides and along your ribcage before nipping at your sensitive nipples. Loves to get you low cut tops so that he can see all the little healing marks he's left on your cleavage. Loves to overfeed, your reaction is so similar to overstimulation that it gets him going just as much. He will take the best care of you as you recover from long nights where he couldn't contain himself. Spendslots of time cuddling, fingers tracing over every puncture mark he's made with his fangs, connecting the dots like constellations. Will ask to feed whenever and wherever unashamed about his need to taste you at all times. Will bury his face into the crook of your neck and huff if you say no. But you give in soon enough after all his soft kisses over your pulse.
beomgyu .ᐟ
has the best sense of sound and smell. Loves to tease you about hearing your heartbeat, can tell it’s you from a mile away just from the sound alone. He constantly jumps out from behind corners just to sense the way your blood pressure jumps, even better when he can tell just by walking in a room that he affects you. “Aww, do you think I'm pretty?” and even as you try to deny it he can hear the rhythm of your heart giving away your lies. Loves to be a lie detector, asking you questions he knows you would never really answer honestly in the beginning but why even hide now? He wants to know everything about you. Now you just purposefully lie because you know he can tell the difference. Can tell as soon as a single horny thought enters your head. You're his favorite smell in the world. Will buy a hoodie for the two of you to share, passing it from you to him just so he can keep your scent close to him at all times. Is a lip-biter when you make out just so that he can have your blood in the mix, keeps all your dirty clothes, and regularly masturbates with them pressed to his nose without shame.
taehyun .ᐟ
is very picky about who he feeds from and it has everything to do with taste and smell, believing he won't ever find the perfect person. He works at a blood bank as a phlebotomist, never tempted to drink anything he draws because of his self-control and distaste. That is until he gets you in his chair. Absolutely overwhelmed by the sensation of hunger for what felt like the first time in his life. He's never had shaking hands when trying to insert a needle before but as soon as he leans in he can't do his job calling someone else to take over. Claiming he couldn't find a vein when he was known for never missing one. He watched the way his coworker discarded the gauze that had wiped away the dots of blood from your elbow ditch, making sure to note exactly where they had thrown them away. He wasn't even ashamed to have pulled them out when no one was looking, taking them into the bathroom because he couldn't wait to get home. Pressing the fabric to his nose as he shoved his free hand down his pants, not caring about being at work when he finally found exactlywhat he had been waiting for.
Taehyun also gives me a vampire x vampire vibe so much. Worships his vampire mate because it is what he was made to do.
kai .ᐟ
likes to hold hands because he can feel your pulse between your fingers. Always kisses your wrist, likes to keep it on his lips just to feel the warmth. Will ask you if he can just keep holding your wrist up through movies and cuddling. He asks so often that you're already ready, laying down letting him rest his head on one arm while the other is pressed right under his nose. Never bites you; actively avoids the topic like the plague, is tempted but never indulges, won't even ask.It's why when he finally does bite you both of you are so shocked, unable to think about exactly what's happening. Bites in a moment of passion, his moan against your neck making his teeth scratch along your smooth skin, biting down without being able to resist any longer. Both of you have the best orgasms of your lives. He's so apologetic, kissing over the mark he left, begging you to forgive him and yet it turns into desperate pleas for him to do it again and again. “I'm so sorry i- I didn't mean to, I just- you just- please, please, I need to taste you again, I'm sorry-” looks at you like you set the moon in the sky when you say he can. Hazy puppy dog eyes on you, soft grin on his lips when he's gotten his fill, strictly only biting you during sex, leaving the both of you sated and happy after.
taglist 🏷: @kissmekissykissme @bts-txt-ateez @apeachty want to be added to the taglist? check out my rules to see how to join! want to be taken off the taglist? send an ask!
#cams!1kevent#cams!hardhours#txt headcanons#txt#yeonjun x reader#soobin x reader#beomgyu x reader#taehyun x reader#huening kai x reader#txt x reader#yeonjun hard hours#soobin hard hours#beomgyu hard hours#taehyun hard hours#huening kai hard hours
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"X-Ray" - yes. good
"All in Your Rows" - skip
"Latchmere" - music is good, lyrics are dumb but the interview where orlando was like a wavepool was a big deal. Idk what kinda place you lived where its not. 👌
"About Your Dress" - this is better live than on record. could take or leave
"Precious Time" - love it. so great. with very good lyrics. glimpse of what theyd become
"O.A.V.I.P." - no. not now anyway
"Tissue Shoulders" - nah
"Happy Faces" - no
"First Love" - this song is cute but maybs also annoying
"Mary" - what
"Lego" - sad
"Toothpaste Kisses" - absolutely not
"Love You Better" - great. the cadence, starting w better and being big out the gate. so great. orlando has gotten the voice now and god bless
"One Hand Holding" - ok. lil too zydeco school cheerleader come on eileen
"Can You Give It?" - love it. his voice on this is ahhhhhh
"Young Lions" - this is a good maccabees song. like all the talents working together perfectly
"Wall of Arms" - yes please. so good live
"No Kind Words/Bag of Bones Part A" - this is a good turn and like the dark(er)ness
"Dinosaurs" - amazing
"Kiss and Resolve" - nah. sweetheart could never be said again and thatd be too much knowing it had been said before
"William Powers" - good
"Seventeen Hands" - fine
"Bag of Bones Part B" - love it
look tbf i have no idea whats being said in a fair few of these like i just read the last line of seventeen hands and what the hell ?
"Given to the Wild (Intro)" - good way to open
"Child" - beautiful
"Feel to Follow" - good. like the casually here remix and vocals better and have now realized that song was the first time i am aware of hearing orlandos voice*. and have since learned those were special re-recorded vocals. this version feels almost draggy *this is absolutely false. i already was in love with a quickening when i first heard this remix
"Ayla" - music on this with the lyrics is choice
"Glimmer" - maybs top 3 of theirs for me. so pretty
"Forever I've Known" - or this. also so pretty. have had this stuck in my head for a couple days & the parts when the music comes in heavy, amazing. and his voice
"Heave" - Good but also kinda annoying and repetitive
"Pelican" - sure. fun and good live. like the lyrics
"Went Away" - this has such big 90s feel to it. its good but also dorky but i love the shouty ending and also sad
"Go" - love it. pretty. very pretty
Unknow (featuring Catherine Pockson)" - i love this one too. vocals are super intense and love the sentiment. think i saw somewhere it was an attempt at a dance or electronic song but its very late 80s early 90s synth sounding to me
"Slowly One" - too precious. i dont like this. and the music is weird with these lyrics. idk what the plan is here
*Grew Up at Midnight" - this is teenagery af but its very pretty and nails the emotion perfectly. its manipulative. could be in a movie
i think this might be their best album. and touches on more relationship types and circumstances. there is also the preoccupation with time which is interesting to me. like time having passed..time has passed by. things are past now
Marks to Prove It - love it. orlando is a sting like lyricist but he does it better. he has a more people centered way of looking at things. hes making characters. anyway yes love this one and the yelling at the beginning is apt
Kamakura"- yeah of course. cadence on this👌 your best friends forgive you your best friends forget you get old. this is one of those lines that can be interpreted two ways and both work and which is it
"Ribbon Road" - this like toothpaste kisses and another one i cant think of right now are so super weird in the full picture of their work. like what is this song? its so idk americana-ish, westerny idk. and kinda 50s-ish. its just strange. not, not good, but out of place
"Spit It Out" - big fan
"Silence" - :/ no. this is sad and some of the lyrics are cutting but as a song i just cant. knowing this was it (final album) i get it, but still
"River Song" - i think this song is great. and the big swelling end is how this song should go. this as a singalong would be fun so long as you had a decent amount of booze and disregard in your system. but this song is also a lil crazy right?
Slow Sun" - mixed on this. sometimes i like it and sometimes im just like shutup
Something Like Happiness" - gold
"WW1 Portraits" - is this their best song? the of course they do part. died. someone on genius said if someone wrote this about me i wouldnt know how to behave and that is too right
"Pioneering Systems" - this is a weird song
Dawn Chorus" - this and a couple others in this are getting very leonard cohen-ish or maybe lou reedish and im not feeling that.
impo you can do sad lyrics with upbeat music or happy lyrics with dark/sad sounding music but never happy & upbeat (cloying, saccharine) or dark & sad together (gimme a break). its just too Too. there exists songs that prove exceptions to the rule, of course there are. but they are rare and have to be very good.
Musically these guys are all over the place which maybe is why both people loved them and why people didnt love them. they are very broad. its like when an artist just does everything and its all good or interesting but no one cares and then theres an artist that paints the same shit over and over but its their developed style and people lap it up and they get famous. Im just making the point. But what is true of music that gets really really stratosphere popular is that it is samey. Theres enough deviation (sometimes) to keep it interesting but its mostly the same for that band/group/artist to have a hook and a cozy familiarity, a thing they do that is theirs. Maccabees have a few different handfulls of songs that really go together. you might really like what 4 songs do but not what any of the others do...and you might not ever get a fifth of that type of song...that make sense? and maybe thats why live i kept seeing a similar setlist over and over no matter which year. and maybe there wasnt a strong enough personality in the group to drive & hone the creative flow. a natural one, not an oppressive one. idk & it doesnt matter & i probably wont find out. what i do need tho is orlando to stop being so sweet (as a solo artist) because the quality of his voice conveys other emotions so beautifully. (ill win your heart with a woop a woo vs im a child to your voice) or stay away from bullion ffs
#maccabees#mitv#artists can do whatever the want and good for them#im just throwing out my preference#and saying what i need from an artist and that can be fulfillied by others#shame to lose that voice tho damn#and i have this collection so that ig#as an aside the entrenched setlist is the death of any band and its too bad too many get caught in it trying to make everyone happy#there has to be potential for an anything could happen energy#who knows what do i know. probs not enough
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i cannot stand the aot fandom this is not a new take at all they are universally intolerable but oh my dayssss u are FORBIDDEN from making ANY take about the show it's actually insane to watch. 'aot is perfect' no show is perfect. 'tell me you didnt get the show 😂🫵' people have different opinions/interpretations about things. 'eren is a good guy they could never make me hate him' i think there's actually 4 seasons and two movies explicitely using him as a tool to show that no one is 'good' or 'evil' they are only trying to survive. hello. the fandom r all so far up aot's ass that they actually discredit its writing in the process and it would be laughable if it wasn't so frustrating
#bc aot IS insanely well written but no one talks about it???#like all they do is SAY how well written it is but no one is brave enough to give examples or meta bc SOMEONE will jump on it#declaring they've misinterpreted the Single Correct Way of watching the show and are dumb and a hater for saying such a thing#i remember posting about my initial aot watch on here and i did NOT like eren i thought he was whiney and annoying (he is <3)#and i thought aot was overhyped but ive since finished it at long last and omg. it is so fucking good#one of those shows that you need to watch ALL of it to truly get what's going on#and the conclusion of eren's character i am genuinely so obsessed with ill probs make a separate post just about him#bc i have really 180'd on eren and i can see now he IS well written. but not for any reason i can see anyone else talking about???#people are just banging on about he was right and justified and a saviour and tragic etc etc and while those things are important#and should be considered that also like. was not the point imo#the irony and tragedy of eren jaeger was that after all the 'i am special simply bc i was born into this world'#concluded with the revelation that actually he was not special. the rumbling happened because a normal boy got a hold of a great power#and he mishandled it. he was immature. he acted his age. he was just some teenage boy and he responded in kind#there was selfishness and silly whims and a quick temper. he was never this godlike figure he gets painted as#and i ADORE THAT TAKE. THAT IS SUCH AN ICE COLD CONCLUSION. EREN WAS NEVER SPECIAL - THAT'S THE POINT#and like countless times through history one selfish person with their hands on an insane amount of power and a conviction#that they are doing the right thing goes on to lead to a continuation of the cycle of war#like the end credits with the tree is genuinely HAUNTING. it never ended. eren KNEW the rumbling would be unnsuccessful#and would leave enough of their enemies alive that they'd eventually retaliate HE KNEW THAT and did it anyway#why? bc he just /wanted/ it. desperately and immaturely. and so the war turned over for another generation and another and#LIKE THAT IS SUCH A POIGNANT HAUNTING TAKE. I FR STARED AT THE BLACK SCREEN ONCE I FINISHED IT FOR 5 MINS IN HORRIFIED SILENCE#yes it's not his sole motivation but ultimately the crux of his character boils down to the fact he's just some kid#to the point even when he's explaining it to armin at the very end they SHOW HIM AS A KID. THAT IS THE REAL EREN#THAT ANGRY SCRAPPY CHILD WHO THOUGHT HE COULD BEAT THE WORLD INTO SUBMISSION#NOT A HERO NOT A GOD NOT A DEVIL - JUST A KID GIVEN A POWER HE NEVER SHOULD HAVE GOT HIS HANDS ON#but if u say all that some chucklefuck tells u to kys and that u just Didnt Get The Masterpiece Of Attack On Titan#but do u know what? maybe people disagree w me! maybe this is just my interpretation! guess who's NOT gonna have a hissy fit about it?#fandom is about DISCUSSION and i have never seen a fandom as fucking allergic to it than the aot fandom#like omdddddddddd have a day off man isayama isnt gonna suck you off#aot
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ngl i really wanna see the Tripitaka vs Macky beef. i wanna see the ugly jealousy. i wanna see how pissed Macky was. I want to see him argue with Tripitaka about their idea of “what’s best for swk” they care about him but one is “i can fix him” and the other is “i can accept him” and both are right but also wrong but also—
#prob will not get a scene in lmk with just Tripitaka and a young Mac talking#it starts off with Tripitaka being all ‘why are you ding this? why steal our journey?’#& Mac replies with something like ‘bc you stole my friend 1st’#or ‘if you can treat him like he’s beneath you then I can do that to your precious journey as well’ bc he’s angsty and codependent like tha#so then you have the two friends of swk arguing about what is best for him.#you have the manifestation of SWK’s past and manifestation of SWK’s present/future (the monkey he could become)#‘he was fine the way he was!’ vs ‘he was on the path of destruction and you know it!’#tbh i wanna see them have such an ugly spat bc Mac is angry & bitter & jealous#that it was bc of this monk that led to swk changing & listening to others NOT macky. not his best friend but a pacifist stranger#a stranger who was lucky enough to be on a journey and encounter swk under the mountain#listen pls i need that#lmk pls#lmk#lmk six eared macaque#lmk tripitaka
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omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!
#& [it might be 5am but i'll still see if i can draw some] trackpad homemade reacts. inhales & hands to head/face x9 then walking off#site giving pretty random Suggested assortment there where i was like oh right sure. prob not tumblr keywords captures lmaooo#(plus happened to have it open in firefox) but my god Not the scapegoated literal seers lmfao. whoooo. my god#also it was just really good anyways like right nice. damn#the (queerrr) seerrr the perceiverrr the truth tellerrr the ruinerrr the scapegoat be-errr the internalizerrr the neurodivergerrr#& now i Know there is 0% chance ppl weren't putting ''always a gay cousin or it's you (avuncular edition)'' in that thing#family tree design not even leaving space for the hypothetical kids of this relative we mostly pretend is nonexistent hmm#also that necessarily. it's giving all intents & purposes Disability abt a dozen ways & it's saying [accept that] vs [we'd better fix him]#you don't cite said [it's giving disability] as part of the We All Hate The Horrible Little Freak scapegoating justification & then be like#''actually we don't have to do that anymore b/c he's sooo normal :)'' or not if you're serious about [don't scapegoat your family] anyways#which like oh ok they Are serious so The Weirdo's scapegoating / casting out / lack of support Isn't justified#so he's still weird & you just gotta get over that b/c otherwise. bye. having a natural rat affinity is such a slay btw#& we've all been there like ''you NEVER want two scapegoats talking it's Over if they do'' + littlest kid is like um. they're the best#plankton voice Correct! inhale i'm so impressed like. getting to go ''finally someone Normal'' (serious abt letting someone Be Weird(tm))#which also always counts as like mm hard time suggesting someone's Not queer & also autistic for a start lmao. an award#adding in suggested layers like talking to oneself; talking Oddly / w difficulty; physical uncoordination; rituals ; acting; animal friend#the layer of ''& all that's fine? like?'' again rather than him ever suppressing or even changing it so far as it's suggested#besides that it's observed as Weird like but so? or else what? nonrhetorical: hostility / rescinded support & driving someone off is what?#& that Truth like the [worse treatment / exclusion / scapegoat] oft recipe for someone giving the support they're not getting themself#again Never let the [ppl both experiencing this] talk oh it's So over. or the child who's all i like family support & kindness actuallyy...#obviously also like the complete opposite of billions. knowing what they're about & letting this Just As Beloved crucial guy be So Weird#but billions Also [hmm feels right for our scapegoated guy to Perceive / Tell Truths / openly want/need & then be hurt] now get his ass#anyway [guy who could always go way on could go way on but only has thirty tags & it's 6am & i still mean to try some drawing] voice#remarkable amt of So True & ''it feels like ppl on the same page w/exactly what they're doing are all behind this''#remarkable amount of concentrated My God That Is So A Slay located in bruno all at once. what a gift#sticking to ''sometimes someone In Your Group is Weird. Disabled. deal'' firmly enough there's no ;) oh u can bet we'll Fix Him in the end#everyone always assumes the worst so....me when i'm [always as a kid yearning for Living In Secret Passages]. emile gtmpota?#oh congrats to whatever rando who will be having his dramatic gay reunion w/bruno just out of frame obviously. i perceive#now imagine if That rando was....emile gtmpota! what a crossover event. haunting4haunting. do i have enough tags for this lmao. yea#& having 1 more tag to say: as though the [endless serving] isn't enough bruno's also as close to gender envy as it gets. incl rats; sure
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once in 3 months i make the mistake checking the like rb ratio and considering deleting my blog and just move to twt but this will pass right hahah just like my need to pull kirara hmmmmm
#sorry that my art isnt neat enough to be rb like fr im trying idk what else to do anymore hah#usually i dont care about this anymore but sometimes i rlly do make the mistake checking numbers and getting depressed about my skills#even tho i know that ppl rb my art doesnt say anything about my worth but damn it rlly is upsetting#anw#ill go play ts4 for the next 2 weeks now or smth idk bye lmaoo#personal#tbd#ignore me btw ill prob get over it quickly and jsut do my thing not looking again once i calmed down hah#anw thanks to the ppl who actually rb my stuff or leave kind words if it wasnt for u i prob would have stopped sharing my doodles long ago#so thanks for the support!!! <3
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Pondering bottom surgery in the tags I mf guess
#I’ve been. thinking abt bottom surgery again after having accepted for a while that I would probably never get it#for context early on in my transition I was dead set on phallo but then T and my other surgeries satisfied me enough to not need it#+ for phallo I would have had to keep an arm or leg free of tattoos and I just did not want to wait on that#not considering it would probably be at least a decade. tattoos were and are more important#+ the more I started to enjoy using what I have I was like. it is simply not medically necessary anymore#like would I like to have a **** yes. do I need one to live a happy life no#being bi complicates things for me too bc it depends a little bit who I marry#don’t want to tailor my body to a specific relationship esp if it doesn’t last forever but it does make a difference#current partner is nonbinary and wants phallo so that does not make things simpler lol#I want a body that allows the most affirming possible relationship w the person I intend to marry#I also don’t want to end up hindering things w future partners should that not happen#anyway I say all this to say. I had never considered meta as an option bc I didn’t think it would do much for me#lot of effort and money and healing for not as drastic a change. wouldn’t solve my biggest bottom dysphoria issues#however. starting to think it could be the middle ground I’m looking for as a gnc/genderfluid person#it would be less surgeries. less complicated n expensive. less changes to my current anatomy#esp if I don’t do everything you Can do w meta. I could do like half of all that or less#I don’t wanna risk giving up the things I can do now without knowing if I’ll enjoy the new possibilities#but this could be a way to just kinda feel more affirmed without it changing my life all that much#I think just the act of undergoing bottom surgery would be affirming. like I’ve done Everything I’m a binary male thru and thru. transexual#and I wouldn’t have to keep wondering if I’ll do it someday or if I should#not that I can any time soon I’m uninsured. insurance prob wouldn’t even cover it#but just. the more I look into it and think abt it + the more serious my relationship gets the more I lean towards it#my partner talking increasingly abt wanting bottom surgery asap is influencing me too ngl not even in a jealousy way#just. I can’t deal w the possibility of a partners phallo fucking up my relationship w my body Again. I would need to know what I want#man. I can’t even go to therapy to talk thru it. on account of being uninsured#mine#txt#personal
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@madame-mongoose My hand slipped I deeply apologize
#I do not know enough about fleck to know whether they’d get along or not#but if they didn’t this is what my brain pictured#‘WHO U’#probs didn’t get fleck’s design right but i did my best#I love her spiky sea urchin head 10/10#my art#ocs#except fleck!#in her case#not my oc
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i look at some of u guys talking abt a new show u watched or a new thing u read and im like. holy shit thats a thing u can do. im in awe of u. i spend my time slowly ping-ponging between several interests whose base componants i can never experience because i get scard
#right now its danganronpa again grin. did u know ive been into it on and off for lets say 7 years at this point#and ive never once played it myself. i have it installed on this laptop ready to go and i just! never open it!#because if Im the one playing it then i have to pay attention and i get scared#but if im watching a lets player i just naturally pay attention without the pressure#ive talked before how i always feel i need to have the smart cool takes on shit#n this deep plays into that#idk boti was good for me bcos nobody fucking knew what it was so nobody could judge me for pardoning anotsu's crimes bcos he was hot#so i probs need to do that again#yknow a thing where i disconnect from anything that anyone knows about and get really really into some dipshit manga from 2008#but also like. i get a lot of my media recs from people talking abt what they like#which then means i defacto have someone who is gonna know if my takes are shit#and like even now. im watching mop cycle w dri and im having fun w it#but i feel bad bcos i see so many ppl like This Is The Best Anime Ever and i just like. dont get it#like i can actively feel the messages and shit whooshing over my head#its a fine anime! i'm having fun watching it! but i don't get all the commentary abt pacifism or whatever#idk. something something my need to be The Smart Kid The Bookworm Kid that went unchecked too long without peers to challenge me#so now im here like Uh Oh#and like this wouldnt be the end of the world (save for its impact on my mood n stuff)#but also like. i am an english student. i should know this shit. but i stragiht up do not feel smart enough to sometimes#i keep coasting by on the assumption that im a smart kid and i'll automatically be better than my peers#and im being disproven#i got an english exam back tonight and i got like 63%#and i like college! i just dont like. college.#anywho its approaching 3am and i have a 9am tomorrow morning which means bedtime
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really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state
#starlight personal#the good news is that I finally have another ketamine appt scheduled and it’s sooner than I thought they’d have an opening#the bad news is that the appointment is not tomorrow and we’re kinda at the end of my mental-emotional rope#now kids this is what we call: an inherent flaw in my treatment plan that cannot be removed#because pretty much in an ideal world I’d have ketamine appointments every 6 weeks but 1) expensive and probs can’t afford that#2) they don’t have enough availability for that to be realistic 3) can’t take off of work THAT frequently without consequences#4) I would probably start to doubt reality if I was tripping that frequently 5) I don’t think docs would allow it#treatment resistant depression and anxiety my beloathed if we could just chill that’d be great#treatment resistant PMDD my other beloathed someday I will do my damnedest to cut you out of my body#idk not to be too selfpitying on main but god it fucking sucks that I appear to be doomed to another cycle based mood thing#PMDD means I get two good weeks two bad weeks#ketamine being the only effective treatment for whatever my brain’s got going on means two good months followed by x bad months#until my next appointment#which like! two good months is better than no good months I am grateful that something helps#I just wish it was a more convenient help and it could be applied more consistently than my psych office provides#also wish I didn’t have to call them 3 times to get it scheduled but it is what it is#also also wish that I had fewer of the physical side effects of my anxiety and wouldn’t wake up puking the min things are rough#this is all to say: I want silly SW headcanons and droid headcanons and silly fic ideas and not Everyone is Always Suffering#but I’m also too lazy (I.e brain cannot make decisions rn) to search for new tags that may give me more silly#which means time to browse my bookmarks for good good comfort fics I have saved I suppose#(this is lowkey why i want to physically fight everyone i know who’s like ‘yeah meds would help but idk :/‘ like!!!!!!!!#bro it’s a privilege to have access to meds and it’s a privilege to have a body that doesn’t turn on you the min you take one!!!!#just try 10mg of zoloft I would kill for 10mg of zoloft to not make me entirely incapable of functioning!!!)#I don’t mean that - you have a right to take or not take medication and everyone’s reasons may be their own#I just had my body and have some rough feelings around treating my issues being so expensive and inconvenient#and then feeling guilty b/c I know I’m lucky that I can afford it and can take off of work for it when I need to#like I am pretty lucky to have something that works and to have a care team that helped me get here#so I don’t wanna be ungrateful or unappreciative of my own luck in this and the work that went into getting here#I’d just also like it if I could change the circumstances slightly#make treatment on the weekends an option - get my psych office to have more than 2 trip sitters so scheduling isn’t so bad
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i feel like i’m wasting my time on schoolwork that i ultimately don’t care about when i could be taking pictures of bugs and drawing yaoi and discussing what kind of lingerie light yagami would like based on his sense of fashion and personality
#like idgaf abt any of this shit rn. i was academia brained for like 16 years give me a fucking break#ik i’m planning to start my masters right after i graduate but honestly i need a break i want to yaoi for some time#unforch that cannot happen bc i am on an invisible timer that says if i don’t speedrun everything in life i will die which i have always#felt since i was young#this could be the result of untreated anxiety tbh but who cares#anyway i went outside to see the fireflies and i was like i’m going to cry i never get to go outside bc i’m busy w school and if i do#go outside to have fun i know i’ll be more stressed bc now i have less time to do school idk man. it’s making me sick i’m so stressed#w school and home and my family and needing to do things and not being built for living under capitalism and shit and it sucks#and i just want to take pictures and talk abt things i like and not have to worry abt shit but life sucks so whatever#i just feel like i’m wasting time doing things i don’t care abt when i could be doing literally anything else#like i already spent so so many fucking years of my life depressed or socially isolated and it fucked me up and is still fucking me up#like i haven’t talked to anyone outside of my immediate family in months and my ocd makes life so hard and my family makes it harder#and i feel like i’m just stuck here and will never be truly happy and that i’ve wasted so much of my life being miserable and that i’m#running out of time and spending it all doing shit i don’t even care about and for what reason#idk. i’m tired so i’m probs not making sense but i’m just. not happy with how my life is and idk if i will be for a long time or if i’ll#ever make it far enough to be happy u know
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you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight
#so really this is all your fault /lh /j#i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy#VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP#i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud#CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST#i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw#that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough)#it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly#desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around#like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT#his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me#how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil#and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it#like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her#i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him#the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why#when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them)#i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past#once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber#i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over#zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik#like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn'#i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove#RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up#big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home#like i kind of feel bad for him in a way#but i feel bad for everyone#i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!!#i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row#especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again
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tmw you give someone concise instructions but they ✨just do not get it✨
#incoherent rambling in the tags ahoy!!!!! idek where i was going with any of this so… yeah.#so anyways! a bunch of interns will be joining the lab life as of tomorrow and i already do not have high hopes for them#the reason? the school they’re from is kinda infamous in the science industry for churning out incompetent interns.#i know this to be true bc i was one of them many moons ago lmaooooo. that school was kinda… y e a h. y’know?#man… i was a truly horrible intern. i just slept at my desk all day… aside from going to the warehouse to collect chemicals and stuff#though that reminds me of that one kinda incompetent staff member who got me in trouble with one of the managers… freakin’ marvin!!!!!!!!!!!#i’ll never forget how he put the delivery order for some chemicals into the fridge with them for some reason after i left for the day??????#like dude whyyyy i put the things on the proper collection tray!!!!!!! whyyyyy did he have to put ‘em in the fridge???????????#and the manager lady called me out in the middle of the next day’s morning meeting for my apparent incompetence in losing the d. o.?????#i was so confused and 100000% not awake enough for it bc i *knew* i put the things in the correct spot >:(((((#another staff member kinda defended me but the damage was done… screw you marvin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! never forgive#and man. *all* the interns were banned from recording the reception of the chemicals and stuff after that. so gj marvin.#i wonder what that dude’s doing with his life now though… despite all that he was still trusted enough to be a backup shift lead so i?????#but at least he kinda gives me an ego boost. whenever i feel down i remember that a guy like him was put in charge sometimes.#freakin’ marvin… i think he was also the dude who occasionally misplaced labsheets and stuff that local intern me had to hunt down… not fun.#i don’t really remember people and names that easily unless they’re of people i hate so… hm. idk what that says about my opinion of marvin—#i just hope the new interns at my workplace won’t be as bad as the recent incompetent intern… or freakin’ marvin.#that guy will probs be the only one i’ll name and shame bc i last saw him over 3 years ago so the statute of limitations is def over right—#though come to think of it… my intern experience was pretty dumb and pointless. i did make an enemy out of the local microbiologist though—#but ig i’ll try my best to not be too mean to the new interns… i hope they don’t approach me thoughhh. negative social skills ahoy!!!!#i don’t wanna teach them anything either (finally returning to the subject of the post). i still have flashbacks to the incompetent intern—#and i know for sure that they won’t come pre-loaded with any knowledge of the tests here bc i was from their school…#but c’mon new interns!!!!! pls prove me wrong!!!! pls be better interns than i was in the past!!!! pleaseeeeeeee!!!!!!!!#i’m so done with the week already. pls let it end.#sunday’s 🧂saltfest🧂
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#i like hte myself ok#i know this is soo dramatic#but like. i wanna throw myself infront of a moving car. i took a walk last night and saw a car and the only thing i wanted to do was jump#infont of it and js end it all cause life fucking sucks i h8 everything and everyone. i love lana del rey tho. i love u guys aswell i know#it isnt mutal but wtv who cares right? me i care. i have friends but i get so wrapped up in these people living in my phone and it make#feel crazy cause i js want u guys to like me whicb is sooo weird. but all i want is for ppl to think i am cool and like every one of my pos#like i do for my fav people on here. also i want to be pretty but wtv doesnt matter. and i need to lose weight. sometime si wish i could js#stop eating but i cant i fucking love food and this makes me insane and i wish when i was a kid but my life also sucked as a kid and i have#always hated myself but wtv. i want to like js end it all but i cant cause ig ppl would be upset. i think i am touch starc=ved or smth and#all i want is to like spoon or be spooned by someobe but like i aint pretty enough to get a girl or a guy. i rlly want a bf i do so much. i#i js want one of those basic ass white guys with fluffy hair and tall and zstrong but again i aint prtty enouggh for hthat. i want a girl#with a sthomac cause that is hot asf but i also lovve girls with braids or dreads. and girls who love pink and are femindnene it is just li#what do i have to do to get prwttier i hate working out. i am js gonna stop eating. nvm that wont wotk i llve food 2 much. i wisj i could#like hurt myelf but i am 2 pussy and i dont really wannai just want to be happy happy. but i get to see my friend in a few days and that is#gonna be fun. i wish i was skinner i wish my face was skinner i want my thighs and ass to stay the same cause they r massive. i wish my#fingers and hands were slimmer anf longer. i wish y hair was prwttier and i wish my eyvrows were more even same with my eyes. i wish my#chest was a little bigger#ok that is t i will prob delete later#music is the only escaoe fr. lana getx it#i wish i smoked but i suck at itand i also hate it and almost lit m#y bed onn fire last time. bu i wanna smoke#it looks cool and ik that makes me sound like a stupid little kid but wtv. that is all i am right? my dad tells me a lot abt stuff i dont#need to hear abt and i dont mind but i prob shoudnt be hearing that stuff. i wish my dad wasnt bipolar. i wish my mom didnt let my brother#get away with so much but she is trying so why does it matter? she is trying. i hate oinline school i wish i could cry rn but i cant. last#time i criied was a few nughts ago and it sucked. it was just slow fat tears and wasny enjoyable it was js sad cause i had a horrirble pit#in my sthomac andi myself hate thar feeling. anf the only thing going through my brain was hanging myself. i am 2 much of a pussy to do it#i want to be hugged by some strong guy or some guy with noodle arms. let me love you pls. i wish i was a boy sometimes but i also dont.#my worth hinges on other peoples thoughts of me and it always will.#ouu girl u crazy crazy . crazy bitches give the best head and have the best pussy ong#when she batshit crazy but the pussy 2 good
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it's so so so important to me that william's motivation for his initial killings is just like. because he wants to. he's a serial killer, he doesn't have some deep emotional motivation. the discovery of remnant is just like. additional motivation beyond Enjoying Murder.
#—— ✧ ooc »#i fully understand people wanting him to have like. 'the thing that made him start killing' or whatever#but my will is just a serial killer like straight up he prob committed his first murder before his first business was even off the ground#and it was probably an adult who just. pissed him off enough when he'd already been Considering Trying Murder.#(because he's been considering it for many many years prior to killing)#i mentioned on his bio page that he might've not kept killing if not for discovering remnant and like#i mean do i think he'd NEVER kill again? prob not#but i think he seeks out thrills and grows bored if nothing special is coming of it#the murder might've been far and few between if he hadn't discovered remnant and possession and agony#and decided to Become A God#idk william fucks me up because he had potential to be like. idk has anyone else read da.n salva.to's short story?#the one that was sort of connected to DD.LC where the woman murders another woman for NO REASON except to just like#experience it? know what it's like to kill someone?#will's first kill vibes#i do imagine that post his 'death' his shit gets discovered and it just. keeps growing.#like. oh yeah he's The Killer surrounding the restaurants. but also if you go back death has followed him for awhile.#i'm shaking him around in a jar
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read up to the first boss of the event......;-; the amount of descriptions they have for the instruments rly enhances the love for instruments all of them have..............i rly adore cantate too.....
#stardust speaking !#got a lil bit emotional at parts ngl#gbf events that keeps having me as the target audience#i have nooooo idea if ill be writing tmrw but. ill be on akira nxt prob#back n forth babyyyyyyyyyyyy#i say this all the time but i rly do prefer muses that can lean onto the more chaotic side#but akira is. akira is!?!?!??!!??!?! haugh....................#its the natsume alignment of 'i want to say something but i dont know what' that got me#a chara expresses anything like that and im writing nonsense essays about them#'chloes just so good' akiras just like me fr#i hope im not just a mutual to u all but also annoying about the wizards at every possible turn#<-person who is still avoiding ch16#AAUUGHHH THE NEW OZ AND HEATH CARDS...I LOVE WHEN OZ TRULY FEELS /THE/ STRONGEST WIZARD IN THE WORLD#otewodouzo.........enough...oz...enough...............my maiden heart......#sorry
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