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savventeen · 1 year

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you say the stupidest (sweetest) things

pairing: seungkwan x gn!reader rating: 16+ (for swearing) wc: 4.5k prompt: seungkwan + "things you said at 1am" summary: you say stupid shit on the best of days, so when seungkwan comes over when you're having a bad bout of insomnia, the last thing he expects to hear from you is an accidental love confession warnings: insomnia, mental health issues, dissociation mention tags: fluff, friends to lovers, first kiss, reader is a little unhinged but who isn't tbh, they're also highkey allergic to genuine expressions of love/affection but they're working on it, banter, stimming, wrestling like children to try and work through emotions, reader is some flavor of lgbt+ (they make an "i've never done anything straight in my life" joke), reader's pov is dramatic bc they're dramatic oops a/n: this is for @dokyeomin as a part of my emergency commissions (check out the post here) and this was only supposed to be 1k but it 100% got away from me... i hope you still enjoy the fluff and all of the attached nonsense <3

From: Y/n 🔪 [11:47pm]

yo kwannie if i impulsively decide to go to the 24h convenience store how harshly do u think they'll jusdge me for buying every flavor of gummy candy available *judge i wanna see if i can melt them down into one Ultimate Gummy u know for Science

Seungkwan pauses brushing his teeth and stares down at your messages.

To be fair, it's probably not the strangest thing you've ever texted him. He's known you since your second year of college, after all, so he has about half a decade of experience with all of your various y/n-isms under his belt now.

Which is how he knows to trust his gut when it tells him that this probably isn't your usual brand of nonsense.

He spits the toothpaste into the sink and dials your number. You answer on the second ring.

“Before you say anything,” you start, “I was only half-serious about the gummies thing. Like, it's a fun idea, you know? In theory. But in actuality? I do not want to deal with the mess that it would create. Or the smells. Well, the smells might actually be pretty good depending on—“

“Uh-huh,” he interrupts dryly. “Y/n, when's the last time you slept?”

The beat of silence that follows is enough to confirm his suspicions, and the hesitant “Um” that follows is just the icing on the cake, really.

He sighs. “The fact that you have to think about it says enough.”

“I don’t need to think about it,” you argue petulantly. “I just… don’t wanna tell you.”

“Y/n...” he groans, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Look, I know, I'm sorry.” And you do sound a little bit sorry, at least. “I'm just. Having an episode. Don't worry about it.”

His shoulders droop as the words sink in. “Episodes” are what you've taken to calling your intermittent bouts of serious insomnia.

Generally speaking, you sleep about as well as the average twenty-something with a caffeine addiction. But every few months or so, it's like your brain completely forgets how to shut off and you end up staying awake for 40+ hours straight.

“Well,” he says, putting his toothbrush away and going back to his bedroom. “You know that ship has sailed, right? You know I'm gonna worry about it.”

Your deep sigh crackles over the line. “Yeah, I know.”

“So. Where're we at this time?”

He mentally braces himself. The two of you have done this enough times now that he knows that you know there's no point in trying to lie or beat around the bush.

“Uhhhhhhh, I'll be hitting the 46-hour mark in about 20 minutes.”

“Aish.”

The fact that you can say that so casually makes his heart hurt. He knows that whenever he doesn't get enough sleep, he makes sure everyone knows it and thus babies him accordingly. But you've always been so intent on hiding anything and everything you struggle with. It's taken years for him to bully himself past the walls you keep hidden behind shit-eating grins and an over-willingness to help.

“Okay,” he says, moving to the dresser to grab an extra set of clothes. “I'll be over in an hour.”

“Wait. What?”

“You heard me.” He tosses the clothes onto his bed before going to grab one of his duffle bags, firmly asserting, “You've got an hour to mentally prepare yourself for my arrival.”

“Honey, you've got a big storm comin',” you quote at him without hesitating.

“You sure do,” he assures with a snort. “Better get ready to feel the wrath of my friendship.”

“Why do you have to love so aggressively?”

He rolls his eyes while he throws his clothes into the duffle bag with one hand. “Because it's the only way you'll accept it, idiot.”

“No, it isn't.”

Your pout is so audible through the phone that Seungkwan has to stop and glance at the screen in disbelief.

“Y/n. Y/n L/n. Do not stand there and lie to my face like that.”

“I'm not lying!”

“Not—” He gesticulates wildly with one hand like he's going Can you believe this shit? to an invisible TV audience. “Okay, tell me this: what did you do the last time I sincerely monologued at you about how much you mean to me as a friend, hmm? No bits, no bullshit, just me telling you how much I love you and how amazing you are.”

A beat. “I'll hang up on you, Kwannie, don't test me.”

He barely resists the urge to shove his face into the bedspread and scream. “You're literally proving my point right now!”

“Kwannieeee,” you whine, because you know he's right.

“Also, because I'm never letting you live it down, I will remind you exactly what you did."

You say his name again, but it's muffled, and he assumes it's because you're hiding your face in shame.

“I gave you a sincere, heartfelt speech about how much your friendship has changed my life for the better and made me become a better person—” he ignores your wordless pterodactyl screech, “—and how do you respond? By staring at me like a deer caught in the headlights, slowly raising your arms to give me double finger guns, winking, and then slowly backing out of the room like an awkward mannequin!”

“...”

“Well?” He puts his free hand on his hip. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“… I’ve changed a lot since then.”

Seungkwan rolls his eyes before moving to continue packing his overnight bag. “It was literally three months ago.”

“Yeah, and? Doesn't change the fact that I've changed,” you assert.

“Into even more of a nuisance? Yes, you're absolutely right.” He smiles when he hears you scoff playfully.

“Listen here, Boo Seungkwan. You know that well-rested Y/n is ready to throw down with you at a moment's notice. What do you think sleep-deprived, zero-impulse-control Y/n is going to do the second you get to their front door?”

“Stop referring to themself in the third person, hopefully,” he mutters, finally zipping up his bag and heading to the door. “And then after that, they're going to let me bully them into resting.”

“Hmm. The council has heard your proposal, briefly pondered it, and deemed it “unnecessary” on the basis of: they're a bad bitch that can't be stopped by neither time nor physics nor any god of your choosing.”

Seungkwan scoffs as he puts the call on speaker and sits to put on his sneakers. “Well, “the council” can go fuck right off.”

“What if the council would like to fuck right on?”

Pausing in the middle of tying his laces, he blinks down at his phone. “I'm— what?”

“Okay, real talk, what do you think it would mean in this case? Like, would this be like a 'hop on' versus 'hop off' situation? Or more like an 'I'm down for this' versus 'I'm up for this' kinda situation? Because it would have very different outcomes depending.”

Seungkwan decides that this is a debate better left for another time. “I think it means that I'm going to be at your house soon and that if you're not in your pajamas with hot Sleepy Time tea and the series Planet Earth ready to go, there will be consequences.”

“Booooooo, you whore.”

He finishes tying his laces and jabs his finger at the phone. “Consequences, Y/n.”

“Ugh, fine.”

“See you soon, love you, bye.” He hangs up before you can get another word in, but doesn't move from his seated position in the entryway.

Slowly, he takes a deep breath in and lets it out, taking a moment to lean back on his hands while he stares at the back of his front door. Specifically, at the large collage of sticky notes and pictures and doodles that have taken up residence there.

A few of the notes are ones he's gotten from other members of your shared friend group over the years (the one from Chan that reads "if u eat my rice i'll eat ur kneecaps xoxo" hangs proudly in the center, right next to a picture of him sleeping that Seungkwan managed to capture from an extremely unflattering angle). But most of them are from you.

Dumb puns, meme references, bullshit animal facts you made up just to get him to laugh… almost all of them are stupid in that extremely charming way that only you somehow manage to pull off.

But the one he's staring at now is almost completely hidden by other notes and pictures that have been added to the collage. It's a pale blue, the ink starting to fade a bit with time — the first note you ever gave him, back when you two were just people who happened to sit next to each other in an astronomy class.

Even though most of it is hidden, he doesn't need to be able to see all the tiny words you crammed into the small space to already know exactly what it says.

how do u make a space party? u planet :P u looked sad today, hope this makes u feel a little better also if this is 2 forward feel free 2 pretend i don't exist. or punt me in2 the sun idk u'd be doing me a favor tbh

He'd almost skipped class that day because of how bad he'd been feeling, but he'd decided to try and push through. And before that day, neither of you had interacted with more than a polite greeting and the occasional question about the homework.

But then you'd passed him that note, and he'd passed one back that said “that's dumb. but thank you” with a smiley face, and you'd passed another one back that said “do u think lizard people have ever been to space?” and the rest, they say, is history.

Seungkwan shakes his head with a sigh before standing up and grabbing his bag and his keys, striding determinedly out the door. He's got a best friend to take care of.

Seungkwan should be at your place soon, and you're not quite sure what to do in the meantime.

You have your laptop hooked up to the monitor in the living room with Planet Earth queued up, you have the kettle filled with water and ready to go on the stove, and you have mugs and teabags ready on the counter next to it.

The Required Tasks™️ have been completed as much as possible without the arrival of your best friend, and now all that's left to do is wait.

Which, normally, you're not the worst at. You're excellent at entertaining yourself, actually, mostly because there's always something to think about. Whether it be about cute dogs that you've seen over the past week (I wonder if the pomeranian down the street will let me pet him next time), potential plot twists for the new fantasy drama you're a little bit obsessed with (what if Gregothy was cursed the whole time???), or generic ponderings of the human existence as a whole (do souls have the metaphysical equivalent of a fingerprint?), you're pretty much always thinking about something.

Which is totally fine and dandy and cool or whatever when you have the ability to, you know, shut it off. For example, when you need to do something simple and necessary like, oh I don't know, go the fuck to sleep.

You also hate when that manic mental energy somehow translates into kinetic energy as well. It makes you feel like a hamster in a cage, watching yourself running and running and running on that stupid wheel until you exhaust yourself.

Tonight's metaphorical wheel: stimming like wild in the kitchen. Flapping, rocking, (gently) slapping, making weird and fun mouth sounds, the whole shebang.

And again, normally stimming is fun. Stimming is great. But stimming because you feel like if you don't stop moving you're going to literally vibrate out of your skin is, to put it lightly, Not It.

It takes you about ten minutes to work out all of the energy until you no longer feel like your blood was replaced with pop rocks.

With a groan, you lower yourself to the kitchen floor and lay down face first. Because despite how exhausted you feel in every possible way, there's still something like an itch in your conscious, a fucking pea underneath the miles of mattresses that refuse to let you just. Fucking. Sleep.

Your pity party must've lasted longer than you realized (or, more likely, you dissociated for a hot second there) because suddenly someone's knocking at your door at the same time you get a text from Seungkwan.

And you know it's a text from Seungkwan specifically because you got Vernon to help you change your notification settings so that whenever Seungkwan texts you, the "i love you.. bitch" sound clip plays instead of a normal text tone.

For a fraction of a second, you contemplate slowly inching your way to the door like an uncoordinated caterpillar, but you swat the thought aside like you’re swatting a gnat and you awkwardly roll to your feet and make your way to your front door.

Without hesitating, you unlock the door, swinging it open with a flourish and sticking a finger right in Seungkwan's face before he can utter a single syllable, forcing him to cross his eyes.

You open your mouth wide like you're going to say something, pause for a moment, then tap your pointed finger to his nose with a quiet "boop."

He blinks, expression turning deadpan, and sighs. "I should have expected this, honestly."

“Yep!”

You let him into your apartment, and he makes himself right at home, mildly bitching at you as he goes to get the tea ready, and something within you shifts.

The inside of your head is still a bit of a dumpster fire, unfortunately, but inside your chest... something clicks into place that you're not sure that you're ready to name. Whatever it is, though, it's soft and warm and kinda feels like your heart is being hugged.

Smiling to yourself, you follow him into the kitchen.

💤 💤 💤 💤 💤

It was pretty much straight to “business” after that, and it only takes Seungkwan one cup of tea and two episodes listening to David Attenborough's dulcet narrations for him to knock right out, leaning heavily against your shoulder on the couch.

Which means it's now the perfect time to sit there and Admire Your Bro™️.

It's rare to see him so still, you think. He's an active guy, in pretty much every sense of the word, and you always feel a little honored when you get to be witness to his quiet, vulnerable moments like this one.

He looks so serene, face smoothed out and painted in soft twirling shades of blue from the screen of the monitor, though you can't see too much of it from this angle. Mostly you just see his cheeks and stupidly adorable button nose.

And you've seen the same thing a million times before — in all kinds of states and expressions — and despite how much you've tried to ignore it, each and every time you've caught yourself noticing just how cute Seungkwan is, it's caused that thing in your heart to scrunch up, full of the L-word feeling that you've kept unnamed for what feels like forever now.

Except, maybe that thing in your heart is tired of scrunching up. Maybe it's decided that it's tired of forever.

Maybe that thing has finally decided to burrow itself out of the walls you've built up because you find yourself finally allowing yourself to think, Holy shit, I think I'm in love with you.

You don't realize that Seungkwan has completely stilled against you, but you certainly notice when he suddenly throws himself forward so he can turn around and stare at you incredulously. Only he overshoots a little bit and ends up falling off the couch with a squawk and a dramatic flail.

"Oh my god, Kwannie are you okay?!"

He stares at you from where he fell, wide-eyed like you've grown a second head or like the time you'd tried to convince him that birds weren't real and actually just a government conspiracy.

"Am— am I okay? No??"

Now it's your turn to move off of the couch, coming down to his level to see if maybe he hurt himself when he fell. "Fuck, okay, did you hit something? Do you need an icepack?"

Seungkwan being Not Okay is maybe one of the worst things that could ever happen in the entire universe and you're trying not to panic as you reach out to check for injuries.

"No, no, stop—" he bats away at your hands and you stop in your motions, now kneeling in front of him. "I'm not hurt!"

Your brain does the cartoonish screech thing as it comes to a halt, and you furrow your brows. "But.. you just said you're not okay?"

"I'm not!" His eyes are still wide in shock, but he also looks confused and maybe a little bit like he's about to cry?

Oh no. If he cries and it's somehow your fault (because it has to somehow be your fault) you think the world might actually end.

"Okay, uh. I am— confused,” you start, sure you must look as lost as you feel. “But, um, what can I do to help?"

He swallows, and a part of you realizes that he's looking at you with an expression you've never seen before. "Did you mean it?"

Knowing that it's significant but not yet knowing why, you maintain eye contact. "Mean what?"

"What you just said."

You blink. "...that I'm confused?"

He shakes his head. "No, before that."

You have a hard time remembering what you just said when you're not sleep-deprived and worried you've just somehow accidentally caused irreparable emotional damage to your best friend. "Uh... when I asked if you were okay?"

"No, fuck," and it's a shock for some reason, hearing him cuss right now. You hear him say much worse things all the time, but you think it might be the way he said it — with a kind of desperate vulnerability that you're not sure you've ever heard from him before.

That thing in your chest twinges and you think maybe you're the one who's gonna start crying.

He says your name like a plea, and then he's on his knees right in front of where you're kneeling on the floor, reaching forward to cup your face in his palms. "You said— Y/n, you said "holy shit I think I'm in love with you.””

Oh.

You're pretty sure your heart falls right out of your ass and bounces across the rug, judging from the way it comes to a dead stop. You blink at him. Full of new and sinking kind of dread, you whisper, "...I said that out loud?"

He laughs, but it's tinged with incredulity and sounds a little too close to a sob for comfort. "Yes! You did!"

And wait, no, your heart is still stuck in your chest, because you can feel it start pounding against your ribcage in double, triple, quadruple time. He must see the fear in your expression, because suddenly his eyes are narrowed in a determined scowl and he growls, "Oh no you don't."

Then you find yourself going down with a yelp as Seungkwan octopuses himself around you, trapping you within the confines of his surprisingly strong arms and legs as he basically tackles you to the floor.

You try and wiggle away even as you know it's useless, and he grits, "Y/n dammit, answer my question."

"Why were you even awake?” You deflect, getting an arm free and trying to give him a wedgie. “You were supposed to be asleep!"

"I was supposed to be asleep?!” He screeches, easily evading your reach and poking your ribs to get you to reflexively pull back your arm. “You're the one who hasn't slept in literal days! And stop avoiding my question!"

"No!" He has you trapped once again, and you resort to licking his arm.

"Oh my god!"

He muffles his scream into your shoulder, long and frustrated, and then he just... goes limp. He loosens his hold and just lets his full body weight kinda crush the parts of you he's ended up lying on and just... lays there.

This is your chance, you know — to wiggle free and escape and run away from your feelings just like you always have.

But, for some reason, you don't — that scrunched-up thing in your chest holds you back. You stay there, lying beneath Seungkwan on the floor of your living room at one-something in the morning, and the two of you just breathe.

"It's okay, you know," he murmurs after a moment, so quiet you barely hear him over David Attenborough still narrating softly in the background. "If you didn't mean it. It's okay."

Holy shit, I think I'm in love with you.

And you realize how easy it would be to play it off, to blame it on the sleep deprivation, the way you blurted it out like that — to say (to lie) you meant it completely platonically, like the way you propose to Mingyu at least once a month when he cooks you all dinner.

And you also realize, quite shockingly, that despite how a part of you still desperately wants to run away, the larger part of you wants to stay. Doesn't want to run. Doesn't want to lie anymore.

You swallow heavily, briefly close your eyes, and take in a deep breath. "And if I did? Mean it?"

This time, you do notice when Seungkwan goes still. Slowly, he lifts his head so he can look you in the eyes.

When he doesn't say anything, just continues to look at you with an unreadable expression, you try to continue.

"Would you— would that— would it be okay? If I meant it? When I— when I said that I'm in love with you? Is— because um, like you said, it's okay if it's not, and uh—"

Your nervous rambling comes to a stop when he once again cups your face, but it's gentler than before, closer to a caress. The whole time you'd been talking he'd been slowly sitting up, and now he's on his knees next to where you're still lying down on the floor, looking down at you like all the hope in the world is somewhere to be found in your expression.

"Y/n." he says your name like it's something precious, and you feel the absurd urge to burst into tears. "It would be very okay." His thumbs make gentle arcs across your cheeks. "And just to be clear: you mean it in a non-platonic sense, right?” He chews on his lip. “Hopefully, in a very much romantic sense?"

Staring at him staring at you, eyes bright with hope and a little bit of wonder... you can only imagine you must be looking at him the same way. Your chest feels like it's full of helium but also like something warm and gooey is sloshing around in there. And all that hope and wonder and holy shit is this actually happening? is causing your tongue to stick to the roof of your mouth, and all you're able to get past your lips is a breathless, "Hopefully?"

"Oh my god," he groans in frustration, but it's light and airy and makes you think of amusement park rides and fairy lights and how you want to annoy the shit out of this man for the rest of his life, if he'll let you. He's shaking his head, smiling, beaming, and he asks, "Why can you never give me any kind of a straight answer, huh?"

"Because it's my life's purpose to be the bane of your existence until the day we die," you say, reaching up to hold his face too. "Also because I've never done anything straight ever in my life."

And then your body is moving before your brain can think it though, dragging him down until you can press your lips to his and finally, finally know what it's like to kiss Boo Seungkwan.

He makes a little noise of surprise, one that you can feel buzz against your lips before he melts into you. And oh, any thoughts you might have had are forcefully ejected from your brain because all you can focus on are his lips pressed to yours, the way they move slowly, gently, turning this chaste kiss into the most scorching experience of your life. His nose bumps against yours and the heat of his warm breath sends tingles throughout your body, and his hands, fuck, his hands are still holding you gently but also with a firmness that feels like he doesn't want to let you go.

And then he's pulling away, and you whine at him because this may be the cruelest thing he's ever done to you ever in your entire life. "Noooooo, why'd you stop?"

"Because, as much as I'd love to continue to make out with you on your floor while an old British man narrates about life on the Serengeti—” he mercifully ignores the way you choke on your spit at the way he talks about making out with you so nonchalantly "—it's past someone's bedtime."

Your mouth drops open in offended shock. Was he actually going to put you to bed like a child? Like you both hadn't just declared your romantic love for each other? "Are you fucking serious?"

He just stands up and crosses his arms, looking down at you with a single raised eyebrow. You take the part of you that finds it annoyingly attractive and promptly smother it, crossing your own arms from your position on the floor.

"I'm not a baby," you definitely don't pout.

"Hmmm...” And then the bastard fucking pouts at you. “But you're my baby."

You blink at him.

"Welp, that was nice while it lasted,” you grunt, rolling to your feet, “but I suddenly need to relocate to Antarctica and become a penguin herder.”

He pulls you into his arms with a laugh, and you let him, burying your face in the crook of his shoulder.

“You know,” he starts after he's held you for a few moments. “This isn't how I ever imagined how us confessing to each other would go.”

You snort.

“But also,” he continues, “it feels very 'us' doesn't it?”

"Yeah,” you murmur, not bothering to lift your head from his shoulder.

“Mmm, is someone finally sleepy?” he teases, starting to waddle you both towards your bedroom. “Did all the emotions finally wear you out?”

Instead of nodding, you lightly kick him in the shin and the sappy part of your brain that is currently in charge of everything thinks that his indignant squawk is one of your most favorite sounds.

The sappy part of your brain is right, of course, and when you wake up in your bed 15 hours later and accidentally smack him in the face, the urge to run is a little bit smaller than it was before. And the way he flushes bright red after you sleepily kiss him on the cheek is an image you're going to cherish until the day you die.

#svtsource #seungkwan fluff #seungkwan fic #seungkwan x y/n #seungkwan x you #seungkwan x reader #svt fluff #seventeen fluff #savv writes #savv fics #in my queue world

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lunavrse · 9 months

Text

PURELY PLATONIC(?)

CHARLES LECLERC

summary : are yn and charles dating? are they just friends? who cares? well, twitter does. category : smau. note : disregard all times and dates, they don't matter. all spelling mistakes are intentional. this wasn't supposed to be my 1st fic posted but it is what it is.

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like by pierregasly, youruser, landonorris and 658 422 others.

charles_leclerc finally got to see ma crevette

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youruser thought we'd agreed that you'd never call that in public ever again

charles_leclerc no, you said that, i was silent

user2 were you silent or were you silenced😭

youruser you're such a pain in my arse

charles_leclerc you love me really

youruser unfortunately

username67 SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP SOBBING

user08 they're so friends to lovers coded

username12 SHE DIDN'T DISAGREE!!!

pierregasly didn't you see her 2 months ago? when you flew out to see her

charles_leclerc that was forever ago

pierregasly *cough*whipped*cough*

this comment was deleted by creator

user8 I SAW THAT, YOU CANT HIDE FROM ME

user92 HE FLEW OUT TO SEE HER😭😭

user5 did anyone see pierres deleted comment or was it just me?

user16 no, I saw it too

user7 me too!

landonorris relax bro, no one's taking her away from you

charles_leclerc I'd like to see someone try lol

user99 adding lol to the end of your sentence didn't make it less threatening 💀

user420 *joker voice* why so serious??

user111 LANDO, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THIS??? ANSWER ME PLS, I AM IN YOUR WALLS

lunavrse pls pretend the manips look good👍 also the last one is just a random picture bc I couldn't edit it the way I wanted

user25 what the fuck are you on about?

user72 what is bro yapping about?❗💀

user7 WHO LET BLUD COOK⁉️❓❗❗

user222 monaco's finest😋

user00 them in the 1st pic have my heart

user000 UGH,, HIS DIMPLES!!!!

mutualfriend she's serving and then there's you

user777 two pretty best friends🤭

user66 two besties😁

user33 yeah... besties...

user92 REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD...

user29 REUNITED CAUSE WE UNDERSTOOD

user929 i love this song

user127 I KNOW Y'ALL SEE THE "MY" INFRONT OF THE PETNAME

user24 WE LOVE TO SEE IT

user9 that's honestly so fucking cute I'm crying

user88 charles repping ferrari where ever he goes!!!

user237 suprised it's only the one tbh

user228 as he should!!!

user1616 THE WAY HES LOOKING AT HER😭😭😭

user090 face cards never declining ❗

user10 charlito te amo❤️ !!!

user47 never knew i needed this until now

user74 so real bro

user27 please back away from my wife, it's hard enough seeing her with another man and you have the audacity to rub it in my face😭

user123 two best friends in a room... they might kiss

user262 can we talk about how close they are??? like they just seem so touchy!!!

user751 no fr!!! you can't tell me they're not in love with one another

user12 see if he was touching me like this, you'd never see me again because I'd be deceased

user61 so real of you tbh

user767 pls they're so...

user50 im not allowed to see these, im unwell

user44 you look so cute !

TWITTER

MESSAGES

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landonorris has posted to their instagram story.

you replied to their story.

YOU DUMB BITCH DELETE THIS ⤷landonorris SORRY, IT WAS MEANT FOR MY CLOSE FRIENDS

you replied to their story.

DELETE THIS YOU CLOWN ⤷landonorris DONT YELL AT ME! I'LL DO IT NOW

you replied to their story.

is that charles and yn

lunavrse replied to their story.

this is the worst manip in this post<3 (editing note: it's actually not, it gets worse)

you replied to their story.

LANDO IS THAT CHARLES AND YN

you replied to their story.

Lando mate, they're gonna kill you

you replied to their story.

I KNEW IT, MY FAMILY SAID I WAS CRAZY AND THEY CAN KISS MY ASS

you replied to their story.

Carlos owes me €100, I knew it'd be you. can't wait to attend your funeral

this story has been deleted

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liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, landonorris and 712 273 others

youruser suprise but not really🎉

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landonorris does this mean I get to live?

youruser you're funny.

landonorris what do you mean?!? please don't kill me

youruser see you soon x

charles_leclerc we look so good❤️

youruser the best baby❤️

user19 BABY SHHSHSHE

user91 IM SCREAMING, CANT BELIEVE I GET TO SEE THIS

pierregasly glad i don't have to suffer alone and the rest of the world gets to see how gross you guys are

charles_leclerc weren't you the one who sent me a voice note crying about how happy you were when i told you i finally asked her out ?

youruser aww, pierre, you cried???

pierregasly he's lying

charles_leclerc do you want me to send her the voice note?

user65 it's quiet, ain't no back talk🤭

user80 charles said, i've got receipts bitch💀💀

user71 THEY LOOK GOOD TOGETHER!!!

user22 idk who i want more

user505 me and who?

user005 me n u?

user505 lol no

user101 IMS O USED TO GIVING ANDN OW I GET TO RECEIVE 🥹

user41 PARENTS

user14 IKTR😌

user06 IM SO GLAD WE GOT (OFFICIAL) CONFIRMATION

user003 god, me when?

user79 i want both of 'em😋

user25 I need to know when this happened 😭

user87 same😭

#lunavrse writes(?)⋆#charles leclerc x reader #f1 smau #f1 instagram au #charles leclerc instagram au #charles leclerc imagine #f1 x reader #f1 social media au #f1 imagine #cl16 x reader #f1 fic

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fairysluna · 9 months

Text

INVISIBLE STRING | Chapter 4: you must like me for me.

New Girl!AU — A disastrous break up led you to them; three guys living in a huge apartment and in need of a new roommate who helped with the way too expensive rent.

MASTERLISTㅤ | ㅤSERIES MASTERLISTㅤ | ㅤPHOTO CREDIT

PAIRING - Modern!Aegon II Targaryen x Fem!Reader.

SUMMARY - the unexpected presence of Aegon in your room brings the so desired moment of him finally seeing you as a friend. However, you were never good at giving advice and it all ends in a big mess.

TW/TAGS - cursing, body dysmorphia, mentions of blood, insecurities, this might be considered as a slight chubby!aegon, make out session, mentions of nudity, slow burn, friends to lovers, things get heated but nothing happens. If something is missing pls let me know!!

AUTHOR'S NOTE - hi everyone, do you remember this fic? lmao. i know it's been MONTHS since i posted sth for this story, but well, i finally got the inspiration to write this, so this came out. I promise to be fully dedicated to this fic bc it's time i finish this already and bc im excited for it!! now im on vacations so i guess I'll have more time so... thank you if you waited for this fic, and thank you for reading!!🤍

WORD COUNT - 4.6k

PREV CHAPTERㅤ | ㅤNEXT CHAPTER

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ english is not my first language.

When you finally entered the loft your right hand was holding three files filled with tests for you to grade while the other one was carrying your bag and the keys of your home. You quickly scanned the living room to see if someone was there in order to greet them, but it was empty and messy as usual; leftovers of pizza and a half empty bottle of Coke soda in the center table. “It must've been Aegon”, you thought.

With a sigh you walked towards your room, worrying not to drop anything from your hands and thanking the gods as you saw the door slightly open. You kicked it, accidentally hard enough to make it smack against the wall behind it, and as soon as you looked inside the room, your eyes widened in surprise and all the things that were held by your trembling arms fell around the floor.

Aegon was standing in the middle of your room, shirtless and in the middle of flexing his muscles right in front of your mirror. He noticed your presence immediately, and he ran towards his shirt that was laying on your bed and covered his naked chest with a wild expression remarkably printed on his now red face.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, breathlessly.

"This is my room!" you quickly replied, ignoring the thousands of papers that were now scattered on the floor.

"Weren't you supposed to arrive at six? It's four pm!" Aegon rapidly put his shirt back on.

"We- they let us go home earlier because it's the school's anniversary- what are you doing here?" you spoke, stammering and interrupting yourself. You were still a bit taken aback with this whole situation.

There was a slight moment of doubt in Aegon's mind that was quite evident for your observant eye; he looked away from you as his arms crossed in front of his chest to cover himself even when he was no longer exposing himself. You arched your eyebrow, silently insisting on an answer or some kind of explanation; two days ago you could have sworn he did not like you, but now seeing him standing in your room in such a condition made you overthink everything.

However, before you could think about questioning his lack of words, Aegon sighed loud enough for you to hear the embarrassment and resignation, and soon a mumble followed.

"You have a mirror," he replied.

His response did nothing but confused you even more. A frown appeared on your face, one small gesture that Aegon might have misinterpreted as an angered one if he hadn't known you enough.

"A mirror?" Aegon nodded.

"You're the only one who has one in the bedroom, and-"

"What about the bathroom?" You interrupted out of pure curiosity. "And Aemond has one too."

"Jace has been taking a shit for hours and Aemond forbade me to enter his room since what happened the last time." You were about to open your mouth to ask about it, but he was faster. "Don't ask," he warned you, and you pressed your lips together, remaining silent. "Listen, just forget this. I'm gonna leave right now, and we'll pretend this never happened. Okay?"

He started to walk towards you in order to cross the doorframe behind you. He passed right next to you, and for some unknown reason, your body decided to act before your mind could even process what was going on. Before you even noticed, your hand was wrapped around Aegon's wrist in a grip that was surprisingly strong. Aegon froze right in the spot and the first thing he did was to watch your hand, to then lift his face and lay his deep, lavender eyes on you.

Your jaw clenched, unsure of what to do since everything seemed to be happening strangely fast. The situation was confusing, and it made you act out of instinct leaving you standing there beside him, with just a few seconds left to say something before it turned into something awkward and weird.

Aegon, who would naturally and instinctively reject other people's touch, did not even attempt to push you away from him; he just waited until you removed your hand from his wrist. His reaction was quickly excused by his own mind, thinking that it was only because you took him by surprise.

"Uh…" you muttered, still trying to process what to say, "if- if there's something troubling you, you can tell me, you know? Maybe it's something I can help with."

He just shrugged, trying to make it seem unimportant.

"Not really," he said, leaving the room afterwards without saying another word.

You sighed, resigned to only be seen as his roommate and not as a friend. You tried not to think about it while you kneeled down to pick up the files and papers that fell from your hands when you entered your room, because you did not want it to let it bother you.

But, when you managed to put all your things on your desk, you turned around and saw Aegon standing in the doorway with arms crossed and a defeated look on his face, which had a slight pinkish tone that you would have found adorable in another situation.

"Actually, yes," he started, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him, as if he was scared of someone else listening to the conversation. "I kinda need help with something… I- uh, well, you are a girl so you probably know about this stuff, so…"

It was a difficult task for you to hide the emotion that lightened up your face after hearing his words, finally seeing the perfect opportunity to bond with the guy that has been avoiding you for weeks.

"Of course," you replied, trying not to speak too fast. "I can help you with anything."

"Alright." He nodded, looking down at the floor as he seemed to be putting some order to his words before they left his mouth. "So, the girl you saw the other day, the girl in the bar, remember?"

"I knew you liked her!"

"Well, I just want to bang her, but that's one way to put it," Aegon shrugged after his explanation, while you pressed your lips. "The thing is that, I think she's super hot and gorgeous, and way out of my league, and-"

"Oh, Aegon, you are handsome too!" You interrupted, and he quickly started to look impatient.

"Yeah, but that's not the point," he said, exasperated. "The thing is, the last time that I had sex, the girl I was fucking- uh… well, she said something about my body that really took me off."

"What did she say?" You curiously asked.

"She kinda made fun of it," he replied quickly, as if he was embarrassed.

Your eyes softened immediately after, and your first instinct was to touch him to give him support; however, halfway there you remembered he did not like those gestures, so your hand ended up in the air and seconds later you put it back. Aegon's breath was caught in his throat as he saw how your hand was so close to his skin.

"I'm sorry, Aegon."

"And now I can't get naked in front of this hot girl, even when I really want to!" He cleared his throat, and his tone suddenly changed, now being more angered rather than sad. "I just want to get laid, but I can't! This chick cursed me or something."

"You're not cursed," you said, trying to comfort him somehow. "Listen, you need to work on your self confidence, and-"

"And how do I do that?"

"Do what?"

"How can I work on my self confidence?"

You frowned, "I don't- I'm not sure how-"

"Oh come on!" He raised his voice with exasperation. "You're a teacher! Aren't you supposed to give guidance to your students?"

"Well, my students don't usually ask for sexual advice from their teacher so…"

"You need to help me, please," he pleaded, and you could clearly see the despair in his eyes begging you to say something useful.

You knew you could not fuck this up, not when it was probably the only chance you could have to bond with him after days trying to make him look at you as a friend. Inside of your mind you tried to remember anything that could work in this situation, all those psychology seminars you attended during your college days were coming back to your mind as you thought of an answer.

"Well, you can… try to stand naked in front of a mirror, maybe after you shower, and see the qualities of your body that you like the most."

“Would that work?”

“It might.”

“You sure?”

“Uh… Yes.”

He stood there, silently looking at the floor as he nodded. He muttered something that sounded like a ‘thanks’, and then he slowly turned around. He was visibly embarrassed, he was feeling too vulnerable to look at your face after opening up to you. Of course you immediately noticed, and, as you tried to ignore it, you found some words that you thought he might need to hear.

"Aegon," you called him, and he froze with one foot out of the room and the other inside. He turned around to look at you over his shoulder, and you sighed, "just remember that every person has his own concept of beauty, and only because someone didn't appreciate yours, it doesn't mean other girls won't… We are all beautiful under the right pair of eyes."

He clenched his jaw, gave you a small –almost unnoticeable– nod, and he left. You stood there for a few more seconds before you returned your attention to what you were supposed to be doing. The papers that now were on your desk, were waiting for you to grade them. Just the mere thought of reading through them made you sigh with exhaustion.

It was going to be a long day.

A knock on your door got you distracted enough for you to stop doing your task. The pen dropped from your hand as you turned around to find Jace with a soft smile on his face. You smiled back at him.

“Hey,” you greeted him.

“Are you too busy?” He asked, “I've brought some Chinese food to eat for dinner.”

“Let me finish revising these papers and I'll be there in a minute,” you said as he nodded.

He was about to leave, but then he returned. “Oh, I almost forgot,” he started, “the bathroom lock is broken, so you need to knock before you get in, just in case we're inside.”

“Are you guys gonna buy a new one?”

“Yes. Aemond will go tomorrow after work, we'll divide the costs afterwards,” he explained.

“Oh, alright.”

“Now, hurry or the food will get cold,” he said, and then left the room leaving the door open.

You managed to finish the paper a few minutes later, and then you went to the bathroom to wash your hands before going to eat with the rest. You did what you were told, and you knocked on the door. You waited a couple of seconds, making sure no one would reply from inside before you finally opened the door.

As soon as you opened it, you saw Aegon standing in front of the mirror and staring at himself. Naked.

“Oh, Gods!” you yelped. Your eyes involuntarily taking a quick look over him.

Damn.

“What the fuck?!” he screamed, covering his nudity with both of his hands and wildly blushing.

“Oh gods, I'm so sorry-”

“Get out!”

You acted so quickly that your legs tumbled against each other on your way out. The loud sound of the door closing behind your back echoed in the empty hall as you covered your mouth with your hand, a nervous giggle escaped from your lips before you could even try to hold it back. Your eyes were wide open, and your mind tried to process what you had just seen; Aegon fully naked.

Aemond and Jace soon appeared in the hall as they heard the screaming and the door slam. You looked at them with your breathing fast and sharp, staring at them as if you've seen a ghost. Their curiosity peaked.

“What happened?” Aemond asked, visibly worried.

“Uh- I…”

“Are you okay?” he asked again, and you started to feel a bit overwhelmed.

“I just- I need to- uh… wait for me a bit, I'll- I'll be back in a minute.”

The heat on your cheeks was impossible to ignore as you locked yourself in your room, completely ignoring their questions; you were panicking. You felt dumb, and you closed your eyes frustrated knowing that you screwed it up. You invaded his space and now he will, inevitably, put some distance with you. Now you just wanted to bury your face in the pillow out of embarrassment. How were you supposed to talk to him now that you saw him in all his glory?

And, oh gods, there was glory.

You were ashamed of what just happened; or maybe you just felt embarrassed because you couldn't help but blush at the memory of his body.

The pillow between your hands went straight to your face, muffling the groan that you let go as you fell onto your bed. Gods, you were fucked.

That very same early morning, after finishing their shift, Aegon was supposed to make his first move on the girl who had been in his mind. It was already closing time, the bar was empty at 5am and there was only him and Ceryse. She would occasionally glance at him hoping he would notice that she wore her tightest shirt for him. However, Aegon was busy trying to cheer himself up, trying to forget about that stupid chuckle of yours that still echoed in his mind, haunting him like a fucking ghost.

He had heard you, and –of course– his insecurities made him think the worst.

He was so nervous. It was almost embarrassing how sweaty his palms were; the situation was out of his control and he hated it. He was barely able to focus on his task, absentmindedly cleaning a glass with a cloth as he tried so hard to ignore her presence just to not feel so anxious. His shaky hands failed, and his plan to go unnoticed was unsuccessful; the glass slipped from his fingers and broke into pieces on the floor.

Ceryse widened her eyes and she immediately went to help him, which only made things worse for him. In a desperate attempt to keep her away, he kneeled on the floor and started to pick the glasses with his bare hands, causing small cuts all over his fingers as he did. Low curses and soft moans left his lips as the pinching pain appeared, and Ceryse —as lovely as always— tried to stop him by grabbing his hands and forcing him to stand up.

“You fool,” she mumbled, looking at the bleeding cuts on his fingertips. “You hurted yourself.”

“It's not a big deal-”

“Let me get the emergency kit, don't do anything,” she went to the manager’s office and came back in about a minute later with a red and white box in her hands. Aegon was breathing heavily. He had never felt so insecure.

With the help of a forceps, she started to remove the tiny pieces of glass from his fingers. Aegon would hold his breath, not being able to control his heartbeat when he had her so close to him; he was able to smell her perfume and see her cleavage. He knew he had to be excited, he knew he had all the reasons to enjoy that moment, but you and your stupid giggle refused to leave his mind.

“There,” she murmured as she finished. “Nice and clean.”

Aegon looked at his fingers and noticed how small drops of blood were forming in the tiny cuts. Ceryse took a small tissue and gently tapped on the wounds, cleaning them. Aegon had his lips slightly parted, stiff as a rock as he was almost scared to move. He cursed again, and she softly smiled at him as she finished.

“There you go,” she said, “clean and healed.”

“Uh… Thanks,” Aegon replied, giving her an awkward smile.

She remained silent for a bit, looking at him up and down through her long, blonde lashes. She was visibly flirting with him, but he seemed to be ignoring her. Ceryse had been waiting long enough for him to make the first move, so she now took advantage of their situation; both of them completely alone in the closed bar, about to finish their night shift. She wasn't going to let this opportunity go.

“Are you done playing that game?” She asked. Aegon frown.

“What?”

“I've noticed the way you look at me, Aegon…” she murmured. His breathing was caught on his throat when she started to slowly unbutton her blouse. “I want to let you know that… I've been wanting the same thing for a long time.”

“What- I- uh… what?”

She giggled, and it was the sexiest sound he had ever heard, yet it wasn't enough to suppress your goddamn laugh. A small ‘fuck’ escaped his lips before he could hold it back, and her hands were pressed on his thighs as she leaned towards him. Aegon hummed, cheeks burning red as he felt so exposed all of the sudden.

“We're alone now,” she murmured, brushing her lips against his jaw. “We can do it right here, right now…”

“I don't know if- If it's a good idea…”

She looked shocked.

“Is Aegon Targaryen rejecting an adventure?” she teased him. “Who are you?”

“There's cameras.”

“I turned them off when I went to the office.”

“What if someone walks in?”

“That would only make things spicier.”

“What if it's Nick,” he said, referring to their manager.

“He won't come until 10am.”

He ran out of excuses. The eagerness was visible in her eyes as she bit her lip.

“I'm done waiting, Aegon…” she murmured.

“Ceryse-”

She silenced him with a kiss, and he widened his eyes. He was unable to concentrate on whatever was happening at that moment. His heart was racing, his breathing suddenly ragged, and his hands still shaking as he tried to hold her waist.

Aegon tried to focus and enjoy this. He closed his eyes and followed the kiss, but things got a bit more complicated when she daringly grabbed one of his hands and put them in her rear. Somehow, he felt uncomfortable, so instead of giving her a squeeze, he moved his hands to her hips.

Fuck, he wanted to run and hide.

When her hands attempted to go under his shirt, he squirmed away from her touch, still managing to keep his lips pressed against hers. She giggled, thinking he was just playing hard to get, but as she repeated the action, the outcome was the same.

“Come on, baby,” she murmured against his lips, starting to feel the awkwardness of the situation.

“Just- wait… Ceryse, wait.”

“Don't be shy now…” she said, biting his lip. Aegon hissed.

“I need you to wait- shit,” he said as he squirmed away from her touch once again.

She leaned back, taking a few steps backwards before she looked at him. Her hands immediately went to her chest, to cover the skin that was exposed thanks to her unbuttoned blouse. Her cheeks lit up like fire as she realized how uncomfortable Aegon was.

“Shit…” she murmured, feeling deeply ashamed. “I thought- I thought you liked me. I'm sorry…”

“I do, I swear, I- Ceryse!”

“I'm so sorry, Aegon.”

“No, Ceryse, wait-”

She turned around and left, picking her bag from the counter and leaving the bar in a hurry. Aegon stood there, frozen in his place, his purple eyes filled with confusion to what had just happened, and once the realization hit him like a truck, he brushed his hands against his face and sighed.

“For fuck’s sake.”

Back in the apartment, you were sitting drinking your morning coffee before going to school. You were staring at the news on the TV before you heard the front door slamming close. You jumped in your place, looking confused until Aegon appeared in your sight; your cheeks immediately getting warm as the image of his nudity came back to your mind. However, the expression on his face made you forget about all the embarrassment, and you worried instantly. You hurried to stand up from the kitchen table and go towards him, he groaned as soon as he noticed you were getting closer.

“Aegon, are you alright?” You asked, but there was no answer.

He walked past you, going to the kitchen and ignoring you completely. Of course that your preoccupation did not let you notice such a gesture.

“Hey, is there something you want to talk about?” You insisted, trying to look over his shoulder. “I know what happened might be a little embarrassing for you, but I just want you to know that I barely saw anything!”

Aegon ignored you again.

“Aegon, come on,” you said. “I can help you with anything-”

“Can you?” He interrupted you as he finally turned around and acknowledged your presence. “Because last time you helped me, you cause me another fucking trauma!”

Your eyes widened in surprise.

“What do you mean?”

He sighed, closing his eyes while he debated inside his mind whether to tell you what had just happened or just keep it to himself. But you were annoyingly insistent, and he just wanted to be alone all day.

He always wanted to be alone when things went wrong.

“You fucked me up even more!” he exclaimed, making you lean back and your lower lip trembled, feeling awful. “I couldn't fuck Ceryse because your stupid laugh was replaying in my mind over and over again,” he confessed. “Like a fucking reminder that my body sucks!”

“Aegon, I didn't-”

“You fucking laughed at me!”

“I didn't laugh at you, Aegon!” you raised your voice, matching his tone. “I was nervous, it was an awkward situation. I saw you naked! Of course I would get nervous!”

Aegon went silent, pressing his lips in a thin line as his eyebrows furrowed. You took a step closer, but he took a step back. You sighed defeated, knowing that all the progress you have made to become his friend had easily vanished in a matter of seconds.

“Look,” you said. “I'm sorry, Aegon. I never meant to make you feel bad.”

He scoffed.

“Yeah, as if a simple apology would fix it,” he said, pettily.

You both stayed in silence for a few seconds, your lips pressed in a thin line as you tried to come up with a solution to your problem. It was certain that you did not have too many options, and Aegon was not giving signs of having an idea to fix it either. That is why you panicked, and your hands went to the hem of your shirt and started to lift it up.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” he asked, scandalized.

“I'm getting naked so we can call it even,” you explained, as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

“I don't want to see you naked! What is wrong with you?”

“Well, then what do you want me to do? I can't get inside your brain and take my laugh out of it.”

“I certainly don't want to see you naked!” he said.

“Alright, I'm sorry, okay?!” you quickly said, looking at his eyes. “I'm sorry that I laughed, and I'm sorry it made you feel bad.”

“That doesn't-”

“Shut up,” you interrupted him. “You are not ugly, you're hot. There, I said it! You have a handsome face and a hot body, and even though you're so grumpy sometimes, your face compensates for it. You know why? Because you are handsome, you idiot.”

“I-”

“I wish I could go with that girl and beat her fucking ass for what she did to you. I wish!” His eyes widened, he was slightly flustered. “She didn't know what she had. You're a good catch, Aegon, and if you don't start to believe it for yourself then no one will.”

You left the room in an overly dramatic walk, leaving Aegon behind with his eyes wide open and his cheeks red. His breathing, somehow, was fast and unsteady. His blood was running quickly down his body as he cleared his throat and turned around to worry about his breakfast. Yet, your words had left a feeling in his gut which felt quite nice.

Aemond suddenly walked out of his room and stopped when he saw Aegon standing in the middle of the open kitchen, staring at the unbaked bacon in the pan. He was weirded out by his brother's strange attitude.

“What's wrong with you?” Aemond asked.

Aegon woke up from his trance and shook his head.

“Nothing.”

He didn't sound too convincing.

“We made a pact, Aegon,” he reminded him, going towards the coffee machine and pouring some of it on a cup. “You are not allowed to sleep with her.” he whispered those last words just to make sure you wouldn't hear it.

“What are you talking about?” he scoffed.

“Just a reminder,” Aemond shrugged, sipping his coffee while Aegon finally turned on the stove.

“Shut up.”

It was 6pm when you arrived back in the apartment after a long day at school. You were dragging your feet through the hall and towards your room, noticing that neither Aemond or Jace had arrived yet, and Aegon was probably in his room. It had been a long day, and the only thing that you craved was a nice and warm shower before going to bed. It was a need.

After your discussion with Aegon in the morning and the tiny bug in your chest that was making you feel guilty all day, you needed some time to relax, to stand beneath the warm water and let it wash away all the stress of your body. So that's what you did.

You took off your clothes the moment you stepped into the bathroom, then quickly got in the shower, feeling the warmth wrapping your body. Your shoulders immediately relaxed and you saw all your troubles vanished in that instant, you let yourself sigh.

Your mind went blank and all you could feel was the warmth and comfort the water produced. It was lovely, it made you forget about all the issues and troubles.

When you finished, you stood there for a bit longer, enjoying the last moments of peace before you would cross your path with Aegon's.

What you did not expect was that, at the very moment that you opened the shower curtain, Aegon opened the door.

And he looked at you.

Naked.

You screamed as your hands went to cover yourself as much as you could. Aegon's mouth dropped as he stared longer than he should have, his pale cheeks turning red as he swallowed hard.

“Aegon!” you yelled his name.

Only then he seemed to react, because he immediately muttered a small ‘sorry’ and then he closed the door. You immediately took the towel from the hanger and you covered yourself, breathing fast. You almost slipped in your way out of the shower, silly movements as you were still trying to take in what had happened.

That goddamn door lock.

Then, in the middle of the silence, you heard him speak.

“Well, I guess we’re even now, aren't we?” he joked on the other side of the door.

“Shut up!” you said, between nervous laughs.

He laughed it off too, and that sound made you smile wider as your cheeks got warm.

It was true though; now you can finally call it even.

BOLD MEANS I COULDN’T TAG YOU

INVISIBLE STRING TAG LIST — @aemondssiut @tillyt04 @doublesparrows @afro-hispwriter @chrisevansslutttt2 @fan-goddess @trshngyn @hiatuswhore @heavenly1927 @deltamoon666 @sahvlren @kravitzwhore @watercolorskyy @n4tforlife @lovevellichor @f4ll-for-you @namelesslosers @jvpit3rs @marytargaryen @geminidas @aphroditeisamilf

follow @by-fairysluna for updates.

#invisible string #newgirl!au #modern!aegon targaryen #house of the dragon #aegon ii targaryen #hotd #aegon targaryen imagine #aegon ii targaryen x y/n #aegon ii targaryen x reader #aegon ii x you #aegon ii fanfic #aegon ii targaryen x you #aegon ii targaryen x female reader #aegon ii x reader #hotd x reader #hotd x you #hotd x y/n #hotd fanfic

261 notes · View notes

aeruia · 6 months

Note

So for Tokyo revengers I was thinking of this idea where its a Fem! Y/n with short hair and who yk a little bit tall. She's very close to Emma, so one night they go to the shrine where the gang meets up and they think that this "guy" is bothering Emma so they attack him but, here's the thing, Y/n isn't aggressive so she fights back only when necessary, so she doesn't really fight back, she just dodges really well, until Emma blurts out it's a girl not even a guy. and their js like ...fr?

Y/n is calm and rarely loses her temper or show any signs of outbursts or nothing, she's very neutral. She's constantly getting mistaken for a "pretty boy".

That's only the beginning because later on the story, EMMA IS ACTUALLY BEING STALKED, BUT SHE DON'T KNOW. She encounters some dangerous situation (I'll leave those to you) but Y/n saves her every single time. so near the ending of the story, they were going another gang meeting to tell Mikey what's been going on, so he can put a stop to it. THEN Y/N GETS HER HEAD SMACKED, I MEAN SOMEONE REALLY BOPS HER ASS and knocks her out. BUT, someone ( I was thinking mitsuyai) find her passed out near some random grassy area BUT SHE'S ALONE. EMMA GOT SNATCHED. So when Y/n wakes up and finds herself in the shrine (Mitsuya carried her there) AND EMMA IS NO WHERE TO BE FIND. SHE FLIPS THE FUCK OUT.

So lets js jump to Emma's POVS after she got snatched, so to summarize it basically, Emma accidently witnessed a murder crime and she's the only one that has proof (like a selfie or sum picture) but she doesn't realize it. SO THE KILLER GOES OUT FOR HER BEFORE SHE CAN REALIZE AND GO TO THE POLICE. so yeah,

Now this can't end like this, OBVIOUSLY

Y/n ends up finding where Emma is, so she goes by herself and BUSTS UP IN THERE AND BEATS HIM UP, Im talm about some real ass beating, like Y/n loses her calm nature. and Y/n saves Emma. So after, Y/n feels hella guilty bcs she couldn't keep Emma safe, and then Mitsuya comforts her and they kiss in the end.

we need more badass Y/n tbh w you bruh.

↻. TOKYO REVENGERS

↻. SAFETY

the ask is the summary :3

pairing/s : mitsuya x fem!reader (implied)

warning/s : mention of kidnapping, knives, about murder (?), not proofread !!

word count : 3,014

note : this took me long and i think all of my brain juice is gone /j i might probably post another one if i finished it :3 and also i kinda rushed this 🙁 I can't think of a title and my friend helped me w/ it !

you were just casually hanging out with emma near the river as you kick rocks while emma tells you about the gang her brother has. she tells you everything about it and how it was made. it really piqued your interest since you really love it when you discover new things about emma and her siblings.

emma was your very close friend, you two are inseparable, she was the bestfriend that you could ever ask for. she's always there for you whenever you need her and you're grateful for that of course, you pay her back by being there whenever she needs you too. you and emma always got each other's back.

“ oh i also almost forgot to tell you the gang will be gathering in the shrine tonight, you wanna come with me? ” you stopped kicking the rock you have been kicking as you looked at emma with your eyebrow raised. “ you don't have someone to come with you? ” you asked, emma’s shoulder dropping as a frown came into her face.

“ you don't wanna come with me? ” her question made you laugh as you put your hands on your hips. “ i’m coming with you, i can't leave you walking alone or something might happen to you. ” you answered her as she just smiled in reply.

the night arrives and someone knocks on your apartment, opening the door to see emma standing there ready to go when you're still not even ready. your hair disheveled, clothes still those comfortable shirts you always wear whenever you only stay at home.

“oh, you’re early. give me one minute” the [h/c] haired girl said and smiled quickly closing the door making emma sigh. “ you always do this, [y/n]! ” she shouted as she patiently waited for you to get out of your apartment.

you closed the door of your apartment and locked it double checking if it's actually locked. you can't risk losing another thing from your apartment.

“ finally, took you long enough and you're just wearing the outfit you had when we were hanging out earlier this afternoon.. ” she said and blinked as you just laughed.

the walk from the shrine didn't take that long but you were tired from walking as you whine about how the walk was so long and that you feel you're gonna collapse every time you take a step.

emma dismisses your exaggerated complaints and goes to where the gang is. everyone noticed that emma was walking towards them as they were about to wave at her when they noticed someone was following her, thinking that it was a guy bothering her again.

they quickly took action, of course. draken quickly pulling emma away, making you lift your head up and seeing that the members were about to launch at you, making your eyes wide like they have seen something they shouldn't have. your first instinct was to look for emma and you saw her with a tall man. he was hugging her but you couldn't careless at least she's not here.

the members were throwing punches and kicks at you, making you dodge all of them one by one. you were only dodging the attacks they throw at your way, blocking some of them if necessary.

emma was still a bit shock when draken had pulled her close to him as she needed to blink a few times before actually seeing the scene in front of her. she blinked a few times again to see if she's actually seeing was real.

the guys were trying to beat your ass up but here you are just avoiding and blocking their attacks as she remained from her position stunned. “ you know him? ” draken asked as emma looked at him with a confused look.

“ what? him? ” she asked in confusion. ” yeah, him. ” draken answered back making emma put her lips into a thin line.

“ she's a girl. ” she blurted loudly enough for the members to hear. as they freezed in there spot and slowly turned their heads to look at emma. “ she's a girl..? ” they all said in unison as emma could completely hear the confusion in their voices.

emma nodded. “ yeah, a girl.. i would never bring a man in here. ” she answered. “ what? i don't see a girl, i’m seeing a boy with feminine features here. ” a black haired boy said with sassiness, his eyebrows furrowed.

that made you raised your eyebrows and chuckle by how sassy his voice sounds.

“... yeah, stop talking now baji or you might embarrass yourself.. ” a blonde boy whispered at his bestfriend earning a smack from the head making him wince.

“ remember someone mistook you as a girl? yeah, you don't have a say in this. ” he said making him remember that someone had mistaken him as a girl once too. baji’s face turned into annoyance, smacking him in the head again as the two started bickering at each other, emma pulling you away from the group of guys sighing in relief.

“ thank god, i thought i would be dead by now. ” you said as you wiped fake tears from your eyes making emma roll her eyes. “ you always exaggerated those things! ” making you laugh when she said that.

everything went well except for when they tried to beat you up.. they apologise and that's enough for you knowing people mistake you as a boy well a pretty boy when they look at your face. sometimes people even doubt that you weren't a girl.

“ aren't they nice? ” emma strikes a conversation with you while you two walk back into your apartment. you shrugged your shoulders and nodded a bit. “ i guess? i still can't move on to the fact they tried to beat me up ” you said, slouching making emma snort as emma bid you a farewell when you both reached your apartment’s door as she walked away to go home.

you felt bad for making emma walk you from your apartment and making her walk alone in the night. you could've let her stay in your apartment for just the night but her stubborness isn't one to fight. she will keep insisting on going home alone that you caved in and let her walk you home.

opening the door from your apartment as it made a little sound but you closed it again as you looked back and shouted “ text me when you get home! ” as emma just gave you a thumbs up making you put your lips into a thin line and shrug, going inside quickly laying on the couch not even bothering to take your shoes off.

it's been a few weeks since the last gathering at the shrine and noticing emma has been looking pretty tired lately. ever since you and emma hang out with a few people around some bad thing happens, luckily you know how to defend for a little bit and buy some time for both of you to leave.

you asked emma about this but she had no idea what's going on too. “ you really didn't tell anyone that you're getting stalked? ” the [h/c] colored girl said as she put her lips into a thin line. ” yeah… but hey! i just told you? ” she said and smiled awkwardly at you making you facepalm as you can't help but sigh.

“be thankful i always tag along with you..” she mumbled and huffs, making emma stifle a giggle as you think of how to tell her brother mikey.

after that you couldn't help but keep thinking about what emma just said to you. there’s not many people in the park, no families, friends or kids playing in the wide park. only a few couples here and there having cute or sweet picnics in some areas.

emma stopped in front of a bench as she sat there, patting the left side of the bench signaling for you to sit so you did. “ this week is tiring! ” emma said as she sighed loudly, leaning back to rest her back on the bench. you can't blame her for saying that since she had been getting followed by some creeps.

“ it really is, you want some ice cream so your day isn't that bad? ”the [h/c] girl said as the wind blew, their hair swaying from the wind as emma nodded. “ ice cream can solve anything for us, so, yes i want ice cream. ”

laughing at her reply as you stand up from the bench, putting your hands in your jacket’s pocket. “ alright, i will buy some ice cream for us, you can rest there just wait for me. ” you said as emma thanked you.

you thanked the vendor as you gave her the money, walking away with two ice cream in hand as you tried to walk faster to not make the ice cream melt further.

“ one little bit of melted ice cream for you! ” you said and smiled sweetly at her, her ice cream kind of melted and got some on your hand. emma's yellow eyes look at the ice cream and on your face back and forth before accepting the ice cream.

“ you should wash your hand first. ” emma suggested making you agree as you left her again on the bench, going into the nearest bathroom to wash your hand.

you hummed, finished washing your hands as you shake your hands to dry it before leaving the bathroom.

you heard a scream, not the scream someone would do if they are playing tag freeze or something, your eyes widened the one who just screamed was familiar. it was emma! you were taking your sweet time in the bathroom washing your hands completely forgetting about emma being alone.

luck wasn't on your side today. where emma was sitting there's not that many people when you left and they had probably left the park. the only thought you have was you hoped she was safe back to where she was sitting but you couldn't see the familiar honey blonde hair you always see.

frantically looking around scanning your surroundings carefully. still not seeing your best friend. you were about to run to tell mikey but someone hit you in the head hard enough for you to get knocked out.

you let out a grunt as you did your best to look back to see whoever it was but as soon as you were about to look back your eyes felt droopy as you couldn't help but close them as you fell from the grass.

mitsuya was out in the park, walking to relax for a bit when he was nearing a certain field he could make out a figure laying on the ground as if unconscious. he was concerned for whoever was that as he quickly walked faster than before to check it out.

his eyes widened when he saw a familiar short haired girl. he was thinking that maybe you fell asleep here but emma was nowhere to be seen. that made him more worried as he quickly picked you up with ease. luckily mikey’s house was a bit near the park. (just imagine it 😞)

gently placing you down on the couch as mikey looked confused as to why you were unconscious in the park. “ did something happen? “ was the first thing that came out of his head when he saw you.

” what happened? ” mikey asked the lilac haired boy as he took a deep breath before answering him. “ i don't know, i was just strolling through the park when i saw her and emma wasn't with her. ” he couldn't believe what mitsuya told him as he looked at him “ what? what do you mean? “ he asked again, trying to see if he didn't just misheard him.

mitsuya sighed and explained everything to mikey hoping he understood since mikey just kept nodding his head when he was talking, thinking he's trying to process all of it. “ let’s wait for [name] to wake up then she can tell us everything. ” mitsuya nodded as he removed a few strands of your hair away from your face.

a few minutes later, you started to move as you squinted before opening your eyes. still feeling a bit of pain in the back of your head where you got hit by a metal or something. you groaned as you sit up, rubbing your forehead as if to lessen the headache you were feeling. a shadow covered the light was passing through the entrance as you looked up to see mitsuya and mikey standing.

“ hold up.. since when did i get here? ” you asked, completely confused as mitsuya chuckle. “ i carried you here since you were unconscious in the middle of the park and I didn't see emma around. where is she? ” the question completely made you sigh in disappointment.

you can't really hold it a secret now since emma is missing, you don't where she is so you told mikey and mitsuya about emma’s situation in the past week. noticing the change of mood and the silence was too awkward when you finished telling them.

“ i’ll find her. “ you said seriously, standing up to start searching for emma but mitsuya stopped you. “ be careful, alright? we'll tell the gang about this ” nodding at his words as you waved them goodbye before starting to search everywhere.

they probably hadn't hide somewhere far since you didn't notice any bikes or vehicles. that's when some randoms started talking about an abandoned house near the river and that there's probably dangerous people staying there.

[name] raised and eyebrow as she thanked them in her mind before running towards the opposite direction where you and emma would always hang out. that's supposed to be where they held emma captive. you were always curious about the abandoned house there but emma would always tell you to don't mind it so you didn't.

the place wasn't that heavily guarded since you're in front of the door in no time. taking a deep breath as you kicked the door open knowing that if you just knocked and tried to talk politely they wouldn't open it and just escape.

and there it was, you saw your best friend tied into a chair as you can't help but feel happy that she isn't hurt or there are wounds in her.

“ not so fast. ” someone said, throwing a knife directly at you making you dodge and backed away from emma not wanting for her to get involved. ” ah, you're that murderer huh. you're not good at it. ” you said putting a hand on your hip.

the murderer just raised an eyebrow and laugh. ” that's funny for you to say. i guess you're looking for a death wish here? ” that made you laugh out loud as you shook your head. “ you're the one wishing for death here. “ the [hair color] haired girl said with venom.

she felt angry but she doesn't know why. iko ( the murderer’s name let's just say that so I won't keep repeating the same words.. ) launches towards her as [name] tries to predict what will be his move. he wasn't even trying to hide what he's about to do as he grabbed a pocket knife from his pocket and runs pointing it at her.

it was pretty predictable, making you just stand there, jumping if he was too close before kicking him on the back while he fell on the ground, sliding a bit before [name] started beating him up, punching him here and there or even kicking him.

letting out a sigh as she stopped when she feels that he won't stand up as she walks from where emma was tied up and unties the ropes easily, emma hugging her tightly.

you hoped that the cops will be coming in this house or else, he might be on the loose again.

“ i’m glad you're alright!! “ emma said as the [hair color] haired girl raised an eyebrow as if she wasn't just the one who got kidnapped. “ girl, what? you're the one getting kidnapped here. ” emma laughed and released the hug as she smiled.

you both left that abandoned house as if nothing had happened there, quickly going back to their house, mikey sitting on the entrance looking like he was waiting for someone to arrive. you and emma weren't even that near in the house but mikey was outside quickly.

“ emma! ” mikey said, his voice filled with relief when he saw you with his sibling by your side. emma quickly runs into mikey’s arm hugging him tightly as a familiar lilac haired appeared behind mikey as he made his way to you.

“ we’re gonna let you two have time. ” mitsuya said as he grabbed your hand and intertwined it with his, his thumb rubbing at the back of your hand.

mitsuya drived to the beach as he dragged you in the sands, never letting your hand go as he sat on the sand while you did the same, leaning your head on his shoulder.

” i know it has been bothering you, tell me all about it. ” he said, as you sighed. you can't really hide what you're feeling when you're around him. he can read you like a book.

“ it's not bothering me. i could have kept her safe but i didn't even did that. it was a simple thing but i can't even do it properly. ” she explained, making mitsuya nod, feeling his head move up and down.

“ look at me, ” he said, making you sit straight back up and look at him. he was already looking at you. “ don’t worry about it, what's important is that emma is now safe. ” he added, you were about to say something but he stopped when he suddenly kissed you. it wasn't that long kiss but it felt long to you since you were taken a back.

he laughs at your cute reaction as he pinches your cheeks. “ you're so cute, you know that? ” you pouted at what he said as he just kept laughing.

maybe he was right, you should think too much about it now that emma is now safe.

#tokyo revengers #tokyo rev fluff #mitsuya x reader #mitsuya takashi x reader #mitsuya fluff #tokyo revengers x reader

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irritablepoe · 10 months

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ok, i know i've done this analysis before though it has been an addition to another post of mine and most people only see the first post - soooo i'm gonna list the main points on here again

ok first i was like - this looks like fyodor, right? like the hair, the wound, the white clothes, and ofc the fact that he is nailed to a cross. fyodor sees himself as a kind of messiah, so it would make sense for him to think that he's dying for the sins of others. he also lies his actions and his life into god's hands as in "he's doing what god would want". come to think of it, fyodor's death might be fyodor's way of "cleansing the earth of sin" but i don't know if he sees it that way. anyways, i'm going to explain now why i think this is fyodor up there and why i think this scene already foretold fyodor's death.

now, there's so much to find in the light novel. we see fyodor at the end of the untold origins adaption and this might be a very obvious hint that fyodor's death is foretold in untold origins already. but the stage play reveals a lot, too.

first of all the stage play's summary is "an angel who murders", specifically an angel that kills their own kind.

that sounds an awful lot like fyodor doesn't it? he wants to kill all ability users after all. Now, i see fyodor in the murderer here, but i also see him in the victim bc of the following quote.

fyodor has been stabbed (not with a knife but yk), he fell with the helicopter, and he was poisoned. The heavy water could possibly count as strangulation but that might be me reaching. while most of this could also connect to dazai, he was shot by fyodor, not stabbed. it could potentially also relate to sigma, who fell with the elevator, was strangled by teruko and one could potentially say he was poisoned by fyodor's memories. also there is nothing unique about the ways they are murdered. fyodor sees sigma as an ordinary man. i'm kinda torn on this.

"if it was an angel, they would use the devine blade in their hand" like come on...

it's said in the stage play that there are 12 victims. someone in the other post mentioned that there were 12 apostles, though i don't know how this would make much sense in this context other than the connection to fyodor, that sees himself as jesus 2.0

ofc ofc there's also the judas x jesus dynamic between nikolai and fyodor here. nikolai being the one that wants to kill fyodor and "hires" dazai to do just that. though ofc nikolai regrets it immediately. also if we connect the 12 apostles that would be the 12 victims of the play or rather of fyodor, nikolai would've been beyond those victims, too. he was supposed to die.

also, i know this is about murakami BUT "the killer became the victim"!!!

idk if i have a final point here other than "look! this is connected!", but thank you anyways for everyone that commented on the last post, i included a lot of your points as well (if you want to be tagged, i'll do that ofc :3)

thank you for reading!

#thank you for reading that and thank you again to everyone rbing that last post #it just bothered me that only the first post was being rbed and idk i wanted this to have more presence lmao #if i made any mistakes or if i missed anything gladly lmk or add onto this i'd love to hear additions <3 #bsd analysis #bsd fyodor #bsd spoilers #bsd season 5 #bsd #uh yea idk if it was necessary to write this all out again but here we are xD #it's been only 2 months since i uploaded the other post??? this is crazy!

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heathtrash · 2 years

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tww fans, help me recover from top surgery!!

okay i am freaking oUT bc surgery is in a few hours but i thought of a cute way you might want to support me - by reading/commenting on my fics? comments are my favourite thing to get so i will LOVE reading them while i'm in that very common post-op depression time

hicsqueak

A Clock With No Hands - it's epic, it's angsty, it's action-packed, it's domestic?? pippa pentangle is a horse girl?? if you love confinement slowburn angst this is the one for you. you can read up to the end of chapter 10 if you don't like unfinished things because it has a nice natural pause there. my first ever fanfiction i ever started. i don't know what else to say about it. it's my child i'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places - pippa is engaged! TO A MAN. hecate is furious about being invited? it's the daily update fic that i devoted my full life to for the month of october! i'm told it was exciting to read as it was updating but still remains a very "i'll just read one more chapter" fic. it really does go places

Theft of a Heart (I know this much is true) - go back to the 80s for this dive into teen hisqueak! it's kind of a prequel to a clock with no hands. if you want to see how morgana orchestrates pippa and hecate becoming friends, then this is the fic for you

Blow, Northerne Wynd - rapunzel au!!! hecate's confinement re-imagined as the rapunzel story. pippa is a gallant knight who visits her. technically this doesn't have an ending but i left it in a pretty good place!!!

there’s something about kittens - tiny little one-shot about pippa and hecate taking care of the kittens that the cackle's students will receive

To ready one's heart (hicsqueak Valentine's Day drabble sequence) - i mean, who doesn't love fake dating at a charity auction?

Going Once, Going Twice - (summary-style) non-magical au where hecate is an archaeologist bidding on an important item for her research. a rival from her past, pippa, bids against her. they have to meet up to resolve matters and. well, it's a christmas romcom.

Other ways of keeping warm - hicsqueak at a christmas market. SUCH fluff.

Taking the Initiative - after a workshop from pippa, hecate gets really into dungeon mastering a D&D game for a small group of students. this was never finished but maybe it doesn't have to be?

Raspberry and White Chocolate - very short university au where hecate is a lecturer and pippa is a PhD student. one of the first fics i ever wrote!

hackle

A Witch in Paris (Yours, Hecate) - hecate is staying in paris for research, and her only means of communication with the headmistress she pines after is by letter. if you've never read hackle before, this is a soft introduction! it's actually a remix fic so i can't take all the credit (originally was a series of letters by @emiline-northeto)

A Rather Distinguished Guest - edwardian au where hecate is on her way to a guest-house where she is the housekeeper, and finds herself sharing a carriage with a very interesting stranger. it's historical cottagecore!

A minute before midnight - hackle love confession at midnight on new year's! it's soft

Hush Little Kitty - only very tiny amount of hackle, but the fic is mainly about hecate looking for morgana. if you love cats and soft hecate then here!!

Only Happy When It Rains - super random magical grunge band au, no idea what i was thinking

mumbroom

A Nanny’s Intuition - hecate goes BACK IN TIME to pose as a nanny and protect baby mildred hubble in julie's flat from a magical attack. obviously she'll have no problems at all keep her feelings in check. what could go wrong???

Merry Christmas, Darling (mumbroom ficlets) - THREE one-shot fics showing how julie and hecate get closer over the years at Christmas, from beginning to date, to engagement and marriage

The Best Cure is Company - hecate is sick, julie helps her recover. established relationship that just gets cuter

misc/collections

A Taste of Honey - one of my most beloved fics??? HONEYBROOM. jennifer honey (yes, matilda miss honey) comes to teach at cackle's as a supply teacher. hecate is about to be in for a Lot. this goes deeper than expected

Fly Me To The Moon (Fill My Heart With Song) - starabella! a year after the betrayal, dimity checks up on arabella by taking a date to her jazz gig. starabella never gets enough love

Something Strong About Her - starbroom, where hecate treats dimity to a lovely day out

The Star of My Sky - starbroom, where hecate has a proposal for dimity and her collapsible broomstick. hecate teases dimity relentlessly. if you're wanting a laugh, THIS.

a dance to remember - pippa/hecate/julie, lots of soft care for hecate at ostara. chill lil cottage one-shot

The Cat Omnibus (multiship Valentine's Day drabble collection) - maybe you really like cats. there's a cat in EVERY drabble. some beloved rarepairs

only three sentences to confess my love (Tumblr Ask Box fics) - askbox three-sentence fics. they're gay

A Selection of Chocolates (April 2020 drabble collection) - so i bought a discounted 65p easter egg, and wrote a multiship collection. i've no idea

The Witching Hour: A Celebration of Hallowe'en (TWW October Drabble Challenge 2019) - random hallowe'en/autumn drabbles

Only This Moment (march 2020 drabble collection) - another multiship drabble collection, for my sins

other fandoms

home is where you kiss me - imodna try to make a home together and perhaps there is a little cONFESSION? some mild threat

creepy creeps with eerie eyes - imodna decorate zhudanna's house for hallowe'en. it's silly and cute and i wrote most of it right after the first episode of campaign 3 aired because i was immediately obsessed with imogen and laudna, like a gay

The Importance of Being Subtle - vex and keyleth go on an adventure and there's a sneaky little love confession. if the tag "sapphics on a broomstick" doesn't draw you in, i don't know what will

As Long As You're Here - downton abbey, mary/baxter sickfic. mary is sick and baxter has been left behind in quarantine with her

Just a touch more - downton abbey, mary/baxter. baxter is dressing mary in preparation for a hunt. it takes a turn for the gay

To the Hilt - flemson in an olympics au. joanne davidson and kate fleming fence. it's very uhhh gay word. even if you don't know the ship, you might enjoy the ladies with swords.

Two First Kisses - flemson university au? kate thinks she's straight and goes to the LGBTsoc meet. there's no way she'll fall for jo, right???? it's also 2006 because i'm nostalgic for my own university days. tbh this might as well be original fiction, the ship is barely relevant

Holding Back the Years - doubt, sister aloysius/sister james. is sister aloysius ready for the cOnFeSsIoN sister james is about to give her? lesbian nuns idk

to seduce a stranger (maryisa valentine's day drabble sequence) - maryisa from his dark materials! marisa coulter has to lead mary malone on, but how far will it take her?

anyway thank you so much if you decide to read or re-read anything! i might have some LAMPBROOM (constance hardbroom/lynne lamplighter) in the works but i’ve been so brain empty these past few days. if i have a braincell in recovery i’ll try to edit and post the chapters i have. obviously if that’s not your ship i’ve written plenty of other fics 🫡

#heathtrash writes #the worst witch #tww #hicsqueak #hackle #mumbroom #starabella #starbroom

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parallel-play-fanfic · 6 months

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What is this?

This is a Danganronpa, self-ship fanfic and retelling of SDR2: Goodbye Despair written by @my-gf-is-kazuichi-soda.

Full Title: Sensitive Hearts in Parallel Play

Quick summary: Autistic/Adhd queer kids form a friendship and eventual wlw romance despite being in a killing game. Non-despair au, mutual pining slowburn romance, humor, hurt/comfort, eventual OC x (trans girl) Kazuichi Soda,

Long version of the summary, and long notes/reoccurring themes/potential triggers for this story at the bottom (I will also mention any triggers in the story at the top of posts for every time of relevance, so it's okay to skip this post as long as you heed the trigger warnings on the top of each part of the story)

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Zoey Parker, the Ultimate Cartoonist with a superhero complex, wakes up with the rest of her class on a deserted island and is told to make friends with everybody. She realizes quickly that her autism and adhd might make this difficult, so she decides to enlist the help of a neurotypical student who can be a guide to help her make all the friends, navigate confusing social situations, and understand what is happening around her. For this guide, she chooses none other than...Kazuichi Soda.

Despite Kazuichi not exactly being the expert in normal socializing (or perhaps because of this) the two end up forming the start of a friendship: right on time for Monokuma to show up and turn the "heart-throbbing school trip" into his signature killing game!

...Though, Monokuma is forced to skirt around an annoying new rule that he can't punish the Blackened with violence or death. But Monokuma insists that the killing game is still on! He continues to torment the students, specifically two promising Blackeneds-in-the-making: Mahiru Koizumi and Zoey Parker, who both have big secrets, their lives on the line, and a potential to kill.

But Zoey fights to keep herself alive as she clings onto her friendship (and budding crush) on Kazuichi.

Meanwhile, Kazuichi's friendship with Zoey leads to some realizations about...herself. Not quite ready to come out as a trans girl, Kazuichi constantly flip-flops between her newfound queer identity she can express with her also-queer friend Zoey, and the tough guy act that she puts on for everyone else. And she's not sure where her obsession with Sonia Nevermind is supposed to fit in with all of this. Because she obviously has a crush on Sonia Nevermind (she thinks?), but, she also might have a crush on Zoey? Why does everything have to be confusing?

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Other Important Notes in the story, this has some plot details but I think it's relevant for triggers and knowing what the fanfic gets into:

The fanfic is mostly humor (a lot of cringe comedy), but there are some reoccurring themes that get heavy...

Zoey is depressed/has intrusive thoughts/is suicidal (I will always give bold warnings on the top of the posts where this is relevant to the scenes and make relevant tags, you will not be thrown into anything triggering without warning, I promise.)

(Self-harm mention!) While Zoey doesn't cut herself, she does things like neglect her needs (e.g. letting herself get too hungry) and sometimes act recklessly knowing something could kill her, and that can be disturbing. I'll always give warnings for this stuff being in posts as well.

This oc is my self-insert. I was depressed/suicidal as a teenager, but I am no longer depressed/suicidal and my intrusive thoughts are fewer and more manageable. You don't have to worry about me bc of this fanfic. I chose to process the feelings (not based on real events, but just feelings of loneliness and trouble making friends as a neurodivergent teen) through this fanfic.

No family drama in this fic: not that it didn't exist, more like I don't wanna write about it, so it may get mentioned if relevant but no flashbacks/long stories about it and it's mostly irrelevant to the fanfic. This goes for both Kazuichi's and Zoey's families. I don't even want to see Kazuichi's dad, let alone draw him.

Kazuichi is in the closet for most of this fanfic (and doesn't know she can be a girl in the beginning) so expect a lot of he/him pronouns/misgenderings bc she's still in the closet. She is still named Kazuichi and likes her name. I'll give warnings for any transphobia, though I don't have any plans for characters being transphobic. Most of them are either accepting or Fuyuhiko (hella confused but too awkward to make a confrontation about it, but he comes around).

This fic does have a lot of internalized transphobia though, for both Kazuichi and Zoey (who is bigender, she/her pronouns)

Zoey and Kazuichi character growth and long conversations and just hanging out together fluff.

Teruteru is a recurring character and I write him as sort of a bastard (/affectionate). Actually writing him as a "lovable pervert" compelled me. So he is kind of a mom friend and a sexual harasser at the same time. The characters are put off by him but I find him funny.

Mahiru is sort of an antagonist because when I first played the game I found her annoying and sexist. Still, I try to write her in-character, and I've come to like her better through writing this fic and forcing her to confront the past, so I believe in character growth for her (and Nagito too!) To be fair, Zoey also has her annoying moments here, and most of them are around her (sometimes ridiculous) conflicts with Mahiru. For one thing, Zoey thinks Mahiru taught Hiyoko to be a bully. This is how Zoey misunderstands the situation but is still a character calling Mahiru out on some stuff other characters let her get away with.

Mahiru and Nagito friendship.

Lot of "will they or won't they" with Zoey and Kazuichi even though it is obvious as hell where it's all going. It's like they are eternally in a contest to see who can be more obvious about their crush and who can be more oblivious to the other's crush. They're both winning (which means losing) for like half the fanfic, maybe more than half?

Boob focus in the humor and the gender dysphoria (Zoey has a character development arc about her chest. You can laugh, it's meant to be funny, though keep in mind the author actually does have chest dysphoria).

I like writing "cringe comedy", ridiculous conversations/scenarios, characters (and their conversations) leading the plot, and foreshadowing.

This fanfic gets fucking bonkers and please let me know what moments made you go "Wait, what the fuck?!"

#parallel play #kazuichi soda #kazuichi souda #sdr2 #danganronpa 2 goodbye despair #fanfic #zoey parker #danganronpa oc

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solarishashernoseinabook · 2 years

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What part of writing is the most fun?

Thanks again for all the asks!! :D

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway) Do not underestimate my willingness to write set-up for events, it's not for nothing that my friends tease me about The Solaris Effect (when what was supposed to be a fluffy fic becomes overloaded with plot, but lately we've been extending it to any minor point that ends up having a lot of set-up given to it so that it works properly)

Nevertheless! Have a short exchange that I might not be able to include in The Ward Ghost due to the timeline not quite working (scene contains implications of a past abusive relationship):

Ten Tooth Joe watched Horace and Will for a moment, then spoke in a low voice to Travis. 'And this new young man Ghost is with - he treats him better than his last boyfriend?' The memory of Will, injured and alone in the woods after his ex had taken out his anger on him, flashed in Travis's mind. His hand balled into a fist. 'Yes. He does.' Ten Tooth Joe noticed Travis's anger. 'So you know the story?' 'I do. He told us a couple weeks ago. You knew about it?' 'Found out just before the bastard left.' 'Did you do anything?' Travis asked. 'I would have, but at the time I had no idea...' 'Found out too late - by that time Ghost had broken it off himself.' Ten Tooth Joe broke out into a grim smile, his eyes glittering angrily in the firelight. 'I might have met that bastard before he hopped a boat to the continent.' Travis's blood ran cold. 'Did you--?' 'Oh, he got on the boat all right,' Joe said, waving one hand. 'But let's just say I have him a little taste of what he gave Ghost.'

8. Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read? Mostly! I love fluffy one-shots, which is most of what I've written lol

9. Are you more of a drabble or a longfic kind of writer? Pantser or plotter? Do you wish you were the other? I've written more drabbles, but I absolutely love doing longfics. As for pantsing versus plotting, it's a mixture! One-shots, I'll have a very vague idea of what I want to do, but mostly pants it. My longfics are slightly planned - I get the beginning, the end, and some scenes I must include, then leave things flexible so I can rearrange or expand things as needed :3 I'm happy with what I do, no need to change!

14. At what point in writing do you come up with a title? When I'm staring at that ao3 title box in despair just before I post the fic slghslgh. But I came up with the title for The Royal Ranger early (purely as a joke that my friends enabled me on)

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)? Titles oh my god. If Beethoven could get away with calling his work shit like Fifth symphony in C minor why can't I just call my shit Fluffy gay with side angst and found family no. 12?

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?) *vibrates in autistic excitement* okay so I've talked about this a lot in other places but writing The Royal Ranger has been huge for me becoming more comfortable in myself. Giving Halt so many of my own autistic traits has meant I'm doing a lot of self-reflection and after a while of writing him I feel a lot better about stimming and my sensory issues :D It's also hugely validating to write people supporting Halt when he needs it bc his autism is causing a problem, or getting to call out characters who treat him poorly.

On a more story-focused level, writing Halt has been fun so far bc he's currently 20 years younger than he is in the main series, and I've written a lot of flashbacks to him as a kid where he was care-free and happy, whereas at the time the fic happens he's more reserved. It's been really fun writing him slowly becoming the version of him we see in canon! And chapter 23 plants a little seed that's gonna come back much later, in a light-hearted context that's nonetheless gonna be meaningful to him ❤

21. What other medium do you think your story would work well as? (film, webcomic, animated series?) I think a webcomic would be interesting! I could visually indicate that Will doesn't emote much in The Ward Ghost that way, or try fun things with panels to show how Halt perceives the world in The Royal Ranger. But I don't have the artistic skill to pull it off, nor do I want to put in the years of work to develop that at the moment lol

25. What part of writing is the most fun? Dialogue exchanges! Especially when characters get to tease each other, but also when they get to really be emotional and sincere. And I'm an absolute sucker for writing scenes where a character promises to support another ❤❤❤

Link to the ask game if you want to play!

#asks #ask games #writer meta ask game #the ward ghost #the royal ranger #my writing #you've gotta read ranger's apprentice so you can understand what i'm talking about friend (no pressure)#ALSO. ALSO I JUST EDITED A TAG. WITHOUT HAVING TO DELETE ANYTHING. AND I FEEL POWERFUL.

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thatforgottenbasilisk · 5 months

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Jonathan Sims Is Dead In The End

Chapter 9: Neural Pruning (AO3) (My Fic Masterpost)

Originally Posted on 4/18/2024

Rating: M

Summary:

neural pruning is when neurons die, but like, intentionally.

no, i do not mean intentionally as in "i intentionally killed my brain cells by consuming substances such as alcohol." i mean it in a brain development context- when ur a little baby child, you have a shitton of neurons. you still have a shitton of neurons btw but you had a Bigger shitton when you were a baby (technically speaking you had the Biggest shitton before you were born due to prenatal brain development and apoptosis but whatever it doesnt matter)

so. lots of baby neurons doing their baby neuron thing. except this costs a lot of energy! so then you hit puberty and your brain's like "okay this is fucking untenable like look at how much energy we're wasting here" and cuts certain connections by getting rid of some neurons that weren't really getting used but WERE using energy. so then the remaining neurons shuffle around to increase efficiency in communication bc theyre closer together now

so. you finish puberty and you look back to when you were a child and youre like "man i was dumb." but you werent dumb. you had neural connections you didnt use then (and dont use now) that made things slower and less efficient in terms of the way you think now

Sasha takes his hand.

He stands up as he pulls her upright, moving just enough to free her a little at a time, probably to keep her aware of the fact that she's still at his mercy. They're still in Tim's apartment, and if anything happens, he can claim self-defense, legally speaking- of course, that's assuming that she'll try anything. She won't even breathe wrong right now, not with how tense this all is, not with how scared Tim clearly is, no matter how well he hides it. She knows him better than almost anyone, she can tell when he's afraid.

She loved him, once, in a way that she doesn't think most people would call love, in that classical fairytale way. Still does, sort of. She trusts him, less than she did before, but she still cares about him. He wanted her in that way, he once liked her in that way, and Sasha had tried to let him down easy instead of telling him she'd never reciprocate, but it turns out she failed in that too. She thinks that if she ever felt what everyone else calls "love," the real storybook romance stuff, she would feel it for Tim; but she doesn't, and she hasn't, and she doesn't think she ever will.

She thinks that might be part of the reason why she doesn't feel betrayed the moment he puts the knife against her wrist. It's lighter this time, there's less pressure on it, but the threat to her life is still very much present.

"I don't know what your game is. I don't know what the hell you think you're trying to pull, but if I find out you're exactly what I thought you were? I'll make your death as long and painful as I possibly can." Tim stares her dead in the eye, and says every single word with cold intent. There's nothing warm left in his voice, nothing of the man in the pub a few hours ago, only a man who is completely and totally willing to get blood on his hands.

Again, she nearly adds to that, but the first time doesn't count. It was in the future, after all, and Tim hasn't even met his murder victim yet. It's not right to hold it against him now, no matter how much she reflexively brings it up in the back of her mind.

Besides, he's justified- more so than he was the last time, anyway. He's justified in his fear and suspicion, all he knows about any of the real kinds of monsters is that there are things that pretend to be people but just a little off, and all of a sudden she shows up in the Archives and she's got different colored eyes? She's surprised he hasn't outright killed her yet. He's probably more impulsive with people he doesn't know as well.

"I'm not. I'm still- I'm still me, I promise. I promise." Her voice is shakier than she wants it to be, too quiet for her liking, but she doesn't look away from Tim's gaze, just holds the same stare as he is. She doesn't say that she's still human; in a technical sense, she's closer to human than a mannequin, which is what he's looking for, but she doesn't think she can call herself fully human anymore. She's done things that no human should do, a hundred thousand times over, for better or for worse, and now she can't rightfully consider herself one of them. A reflection of a refraction, maybe. A copy of a copy of herself as she should have been.

"Prove it." Tim doesn't hesitate to dismiss her word. Why shouldn't he? Why should he trust promises that are, as far as he knows, empty? His voice is quieter, but no less harsh than it was a moment ago. She doesn't know why it hurts more than the knife he's still holding to her wrist- maybe because the knife isn't cutting her, barely even touching her, and his grip on her hand is just firm, not overly tight.

The nerves around the cut on her throat send pain signals to her brain. She ignores them. The stinging isn't anything compared to the things that aren't scars anymore.

How can she prove it, though? How can she prove that she's still herself, beyond what she's already said? There's nothing she can think of as an argument. There's no concrete, golden proof that she can pull out, nothing that something else couldn't guess if it took her over. All there is is to prove that she's from the future, and that's easy and impossible at the same time. What would she tell him? Everything?

If only. No, she's alluded to future events enough that he knows what her story is. He knows she's going to claim she's from the future, and it's up to her to sell him on the truth.

"I'm from about three years in the future. Things... things have changed. A lot. My eyes are the least of it, if only you'd seen all the scars we both picked up- but that's beside the point, isn't it?" She waits for half a moment, waiting for an answer that she knows won't come, and then continues. "There's a Statement in one of the boxes near Jon's desk. It's by a man called Carlos Vittery, he was haunted by some sort of ghost spider. He's dead, so you can break and enter as you please, and in his old basement is where you'll find Jane Prentiss. You know who she is by now, right?" She shifts her tone easily to business. It's easy to Know where Vittery's Statement is, easier still to remember that as the place that Prentiss was hiding out before Martin found her.

"Yeah. Everyone does. You honestly expect me to believe all that?" He acts like he's caught her in a lie, but he doesn't so much as move anything other than his mouth. That's not enough to say he believes her, of course, but it is enough to say that he hasn't decided that she's lying.

"I'm not stopping you from going. What, do you think I'm secretly in contact with her, and friendly enough to give her a location that would be safe to hide out from police and everyone? We can go to the Institute right now and find the address if you'd like." She doesn't keep being all cooperative without at least a little bit of attitude. Does he really believe she can just manipulate things like that? He doesn't, of course not, not unless he's deluding himself.

He hesitates. He keeps hesitating, for longer than she thinks he should, before finally taking the knife away from her wrist and helping her actually stand. The knife doesn't leave his hand- he doesn't trust her, not yet, which is fine because she doesn't quite trust him either, not so much as to believe he wouldn't kill her under the right circumstances- and he backs away by a single step.

"We're leaving in the morning." He says, and she knows he's calling her bluff. She would do the same thing in his shoes, really, so she shouldn't feel it get under her skin the slightest little bit.

"Can I go home, or am I sleeping over?" She doesn't ask if she's being held captive; there are enough clothes of hers over here anyway, from various nights in his bed- without a hookup- that it would almost be like being held prisoner in her own home. She's not even going to word it like that if she can help it.

"The couch is comfortable enough." Tim says, and she really shouldn't have thought it would be any different.

#my writing #tma #tma fic #Jonathan Sims Is Dead In The End #Jonathan Sims Is Dead In The End fic

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ialwaysknewyouwerepunk · 3 years

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fine line - a close reading

gonna cry bc i’m at the end, gonna cry bc it’s fine line.

(x x x)

want to give the same disclaimer as with lights up: this song is so layered, so multi-faceted, that i could never hope to give an exhaustive analysis. due to its vagueness and openness for interpretation, i assume that everyone, just like me, has their own ideas about it and has attached importance to it in ways that no one else’s words can or should alter. this song means the world to me for reasons that aren’t necessarily in this post, and that’s how it is with art that touches us deeply. i’ve tried my best to pull it apart, lay it bare, spread it open, if you will, so it’s almost as free as it can be for you all to form your own opinion on it. in the synthesis i will make my own conclusions, but feel free to ignore that if yours are totally different. i’m just one set of brain and heart taking in fine line and projecting whatever i think is right onto it. alright, let’s go

fine line, track 12

sung in falsetto

live version at the form: first verse not sung in falsetto - after first chorus goes into falsetto - like “thinking of her” has summoned her

Put a price on emotion

pouring emotions into the art you create: how much is genuine / how much do you show - line between being authentic to your audience and giving away too much, wanting to keep things to yourself and not feeling truthful with what you’ve written

exploits of the industry: lay your soul bare - or the exact opposite, some pretend emotion - to score that hit

I'm looking for something to buy

cynical. emotions aren’t genuine, right? where can i go buy some?

～ lights up themes. fake life, industry, being a sell-out

You've got my devotion

But man, I can hate you sometimes

“you” = career, music, Harry Styles™. devoted to the craft, to the job, all the ups and downs of it, despite the hardships it brings

“man” is deliberate: can be seen as an offhand interjection, like “man, that’s rough”, but nothing is casually placed in this song. “man” is: The Man, the heads in the industry, the people pulling the strings. The man in Harry, the man he’s been in the media all these years, the part he’s played/had to play, the man that’s in him

⟶ “hate you”: hate for industry shit, self-hate created by having to play pretend (～ only angel analysis, the persona of the Bukowski womaniser)

“sometimes” - it’s not fucked up all the time

“you” could also be a lover, but the sudden “hate” there then would be for that person, which is absent in any other song about them, doesn’t make any sense

I don't want to fight you

And I don't want to sleep in the dirt

like there’s a choice to me made, but he doesn’t want to make it: either I fight this “you” or I sleep in the dirt

“you” as the industry: if he doesn’t fight them, he might end up being a beggar, lose all his self-worth bc he gave in to everything they asked/told him to do

“you” as himself: fight your instincts, part of who you are/the persona. if he doesn’t fight to figure himself out, though, he fears he’ll also lose

“sleep in the dirt” as a sense of rejection, as well

We'll get the drinks in

So I'll get to thinking of her

drinks to cope - falling, only angel, from the dining table - or to be braver and confront emotions better - tbsl

who is “we”? who is “her”?

narrative of “you” as “lover” further disproven: if “I” and the lover get together over drinks and “I” starts thinking of “her”?

⟷ “her” could be the lover, but then who is “you”? the industry? some other person, besides that lover, harry is devoted to? multiple lovers, all of a sudden? no.

⟶ “I” and “you” are all harry, that get to thinking of “her” because she is in daydreams with him. the narrative that harry is fighting a part of him, the persona he has (had) to play bc of industry limits, makes most sense. that persona is within him now, and part of his work, but all of him, “we”, is begging to come into the light - of which she is a huge part

We'll be a fine line

balancing act. let everything coexist but pay attention that those lines don’t get crossed the wrong way. what we are, what i am, is a fine line between what makes us go under and what lets us thrive

we will be: determination to fulfil this prophecy, statement of fact “we always will be”

“we’ll be a fine line”: other way of interpreting it is that on both sides of that line is what entails “we”, all that is harry. what merges on that fine line is where it’s just right, when harry is fully himself in every way

“fine line” can also be an echo of criticism, bigotry, in the style of: it’s a fine line between being simply flamboyant and queer, between dressing like that and people thinking you’re a transvestite or summat (cause we wouldn’t want that, now, would we) - “we’ll be a fine line” could be owning all of it. putting himself in the middle of all those messy lines, as someone queer without a category

Test of my patience

patience with himself - kindness to self - took a long time to figure shit out and it was a challenge

waiting for change: industry and its allowances/openness

There's things that we'll never know

my favorite line

“we” = harry / harry and company / us in general, all of us listening

～ tpwk “i don’t need all the answers”: deep sense of acceptance

peace to be found in accepting this!!

You sunshine, you temptress

“sunshine” - as in all the love songs (blue skies, sunflowers, summer days…): lover - possible that there are multiple “you”s in this song?

sunshine could ofc also be directed at the temptress, still

female “temptress” - “i’ll get to thinking of her” - she - it’s tempting for harry to think of her all the time, to lose himself in the “her” in him

other interpretation for “temptress”: woman he knows with negative influence in his life - resemblance to woman “you flower, you feast”, so echo of Bukowski ～ only angel, kiwi (my sunshine, my love, who is involved with this temptress…)

My hand’s at risk, I fold

⟷ tpwk “dropping into the deep end”

not showing his cards just yet / forfeits

anxious to show all of him, to take the chance, with all the risks and consequences involved

Crisp trepidation

I’ll try to shake this soon

nervousness, anxiety - about (not) taking (enough) chances, (not) laying himself bare (release of the album that reveals much more than before)

“crisp” fresh, this feeling is unfamiliar - change is coming “soon”

sense of agency: I can get rid of this feeling by my own volition and make these changes - hesitant, insecure: “try”

wants to be braver. he’s not going back, but still needs to calmly coax himself further and further into the light, out into the open (“we’ll be alright”)

Spreading you open

Is the only way of knowing you

(can anyone else hear “spread thin” like a whisper under “spreading”? or am i imagining things.)

“you” is back - the only way of knowing “you” is to spread them open - the physical

to spread someone open - very literal, don’t need to paint the picture, or to lay bare, to lay it all out

⟶ “you” as himself - the only way of knowing who i am is by doing this: writing this album, performing these songs, letting others listen in and form their own interpretations, let this world grow where i’m laid bare and OPEN and exist as this person who has issues, who is angry, who doesn’t know who he is a lot of the time, but is still so happy to be here - let it spread and let it all circle back to me so i can grow deeper into myself

We'll be a fine line

We'll be alright

“we” = h & self, h & lover, h & fans

collectiveness from tpwk

(notes on a piano sounding like drops, like he’s emerged from the water and dripping dry)

SYNTHESIS

Everything about this song is plural. Personal pronouns are all over the place. I, you, her, we. The sound is incredibly layered, with Harry’s own voice echoing through its verses like he’s singing to himself in an empty cave. Meanings can be attached to every word like it’s a wax tablet used too many times. What Harry has said in interviews for once holds pretty true to the actual meaning, in my opinion.

“It felt like it described to me the process of making it and how the album felt in terms of the different kinds of songs on it.” (Capital FM)

This can mean a lot of things, and I think it means all of the things, of course. It means Fine Line is a summary of all of his emotions he visited on the album, of the things he’s laid bare. And it means that the actual process was also described, as one that can be frustrating and challenging, with added industry shit.

Harry has expressed straightforward gratefulness to his label for "leaving (him) alone” while making the album and that speaks volumes. This time, he had the chance to make his art without the constant interference of a label, which meant he could weave in criticism as well. “Put a price on emotion” is first and foremost a critique on the industry. It’s the first line of the song, setting the tone for the interpretation of this song is about the risks I took while making this album. It involves criticism on an industry that creates such an atmosphere that only a certain type of music and artist breaks through or can be successful, that limits people in their personal expression. Convinces them that it’s better that way. That it’s better to hide who they love because the general public won’t accept them. That it’s better to create a song about a fake emotion than be honest. Harry loves writing songs and being on stage, but it’s taken a while for him to be fully comfortable there as a solo artist and bloom into the person that could make Fine Line. He loves his career, but it’s also limited his freedom in ways beyond our comprehension, and it’s exploited him to the point where he didn’t know who he was, in ways that have clearly taken a toll on his mental wellbeing. To a point where he finishes this album reassuring himself, most of all, that everything will be alright.

That process of making Fine Line obviously includes Harry confronting emotions he hadn’t before. He has stated that he experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows while making it. There are things he hates, he was fighting but doesn’t want to (anymore), uncertainties he was trying to figure out but had to accept he couldn’t, risks he still doesn’t know he can take without shaking. At the centre of it all is this sense of “knowing you.” The different personal pronouns in the song paint a fractured picture, which is ultimately deliberate. That the “you” Harry is devoted to and can hate sometimes doesn’t line up with “her,” that the end focus does seem to be this “you” that is mentioned in the same breath as “man” and “temptress,” forming the “we” together with “I”.

After having songs like Lights Up, She, Falling and even TPWK, one of the central themes on the album has undoubtedly been self-discovery, in all its pain and glory. There are no female pronouns on the album besides, obviously, in She, and then here, in Fine Line. She is about a man living with a woman “just in his head”, who “sleeps in his bed while he plays pretend.” It is very clearly a trans narrative, the story of someone struggling to put into words what they’re experiencing in terms of gender. To a point that they fantasise about running away. Fine Line brings the ideas of knowing what it all means, which Lights Up kicks off (“do you know who you are?”), Falling deepens (“what am I now?”) and Treat People With Kindness turns on its head (“I don’t need all the answers”), together. Harry is still doubtful, and the questions asked earlier in the album haven’t disappeared, but he has accepted that “some things we’ll never know.” His aim, however, is still “knowing you.”

To have Fine Line, as the summary of these emotions of self-growth and self-discovery, echo that one female pronoun, speaks volumes. It is a direct reference to She, to that story about gender. “Her” in this song refers to “she (who) lives in daydreams with (him).” The one who still only fully comes out when they’ve had a drink. The one he’s still working to include in who he is, as he tries to figure out who he is, all of it. The song where he sings in falsetto, just like on Fine Line. Of which he sang the first verse an octave lower live at the forum, switching between those voices, those perspectives. That’s also why “you” in this song is also Harry to me. We get this fractured sense of self, this “I” and “you” conversing over a drink, this “you” Harry is devoted to and wants to figure out. “You” and “I” form “we” and all of them are Harry. The lines are blurry on purpose, there is no way to figure out where “you” ends and “I” begins.

“You sunshine, you temptress” is the most enigmatic line in that respect, and to me blurs those lines even more between the pronouns. “You” is suddenly also identified by a female noun. And no this isn’t about some kind of love triangle. “Sunshine” aligns with all the odes to his lover in the rest of the album. So what does that mean? That there are multiple “you”s in this song, meaning that Harry is addressing both his lover and a temptress? So “her” he’ll get to thinking of, the only other female pronoun used in the song, is identified as a temptress, but tempting to do what? To take risks? And no I won’t forget the “man, I can hate you sometimes,” where "man” is not a casual interjection but an identifier of “you.”

Or is it an echo of “the light” from Golden’s “bring me back to the light” and Light’s Up’s “step into the light”? So that the “sunshine” symbolises being in the clear, being out of the darkness running through his heart, the darkness caused by not knowing who you are. “You sunshine,” you beacon of light. “You temptress,” risk-taker and source of anxiety. You, one I need to spread open to figure out, to know about, source of happiness and despair, one I’m devoted to but also hate. You, man, you, temptress. You there, in the mirror looking back at me.

All of you, and myself included, we’ll be a fine line. And we’ll be alright.

This song is about all of that. The self in art, the self on its own, the other, the journey, the chances, the fears, the passion. Hope. Reassurance. Confidence. And, most importantly, that everything will be alright in the end.

read all my lyric analyses here

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