#who i love very very much. and ill tell the whole world abt it

[finalgirlfailure]

Sam held me hostage and forced me to watch spn amvs for an hour (not clickbait)

[satangcrush]

sorry into obey me and would like to know who are some good fanfic writers that you recommend?

there are a lot in the fandom! ill try my best to recc some to you based on different categories:

sfw:

- @lucifersdickriderdotnet : if you are a lucifer fan and you would like to dive more into the brothers’ relationship! bee is a really great writer as well and you won’t have any regrets checking out her fics 🥹 these are my favs: link, link, link (this is x reader but still recc this bc I love it) (bee please create a masterlist i was dying linking everything)

- @romcomeon (x reader): eden is very good at concepts! they have a variety of fics for you to choose for; (my big personal fav is their solomon zombie fic) and I love that they’re always experimenting with different universes and putting the characters in them, you can find their masterlist here

- @fandoms-x-reader (x reader): they’re always writing about a variety of situations in the obey me universe! this is mainly the whole cast, so if this is your vibe, you can check them out :> linked their masterlist here!

- @sakkajagga (x reader): love love love their writing so much. you won’t regret checking them out. this is their sfw obey me masterlist ; highly suggest reading all of their simeon fanfics because they just do the angel justice

- @beels-burger-babe (x reader) : they have a variety of works on their page but my personal favs is their teen mc which you can find here

- @lost-in-lamentation (x reader) : this is my fav from her and you can find her masterlist here

- @fickleminder (x reader; mostly sfw with some suggestive) : if you are a satan lover, this is the user for you lol, this is FM’s masterlist here and my personal fav is this (love the comedy here lmao)

nsfw (minors pls dni ok):

- @mammonsrockstargf (x reader): alba has a way with words that just draws you in with her writing 🫡 you can find her masterlist here (personal fav is solomon 700 wives LOL)

- @another-lost-mc (x reader & world-building + ocs): love love love jes’s works. you won’t regret checking out her whole masterlist fr, also what I love about jes is that she takes what is given in canon and expands greatly on them. so if you like world building / reading about ppl’s ocs, she’s a great one to check out!

- @onyourowndaisymae (x reader): you can find daisy’s masterlist here and this is my personal fav, Solomon’s bunny service ;;;;;;;; (don’t perceive me thank u) daisy is also really good at characterising the characters and it shows through her writing, this is one of my fav for lucifer

- @misc-obeyme (x reader & ships): love CC’s writing so much, this is their masterlist and this is my favourite 🫡🫡🫡 (do NOT perceive me again.) they also don’t just do x reader, they also do some ships (etc barbatos x mammon, if that interests you!)

-

also if you don’t mind NSFW, I recommend that you go through my tag : #satangfavs (pls click on the tag below bc idk how to link it on mobile LOL) because these are some of my favs that ive read in the fandom <3

and also lastly, there are just so many good writers in the fandom that it’s absolutely impossible to condense all into a single post (I was actually dying linking everything LOL 😭 had to stop for my own sake). I may make another follow up to this if ure still interested :> (u can tell me more abt ur criteria and ill try to cater to it lmao)

anddd with that, I hope you enjoy reading everything!

edit #1: since this is getting traction, im going to promote myself here shamelessly too 🤗 pspspspspsppspsps i have a writing blog over at @satanghulu <3 thank you for reading 🫵

edit #2: check out the reblogs for more reccs too!!! thank u very much 👍

Edit #3: another anon asked for more reccs, so this is another post tada!!!!!!!!!! Yippee bye

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for not inviting a friend of mine into my dnd campaign?

so i (18nb) have a friend (18nb, Martin) who i play in a main dnd campaign with with all our other friends (Ill name them Dan, Virgil, Mark, and Ray). Dan is our DM after we kicked out the old one bc she was horrible. We're a pretty close group of friends, but lately we've all been really busy with respective school & work, ect. so we didnt play dnd for a solid, like,, 4 months. I DMed a one shot for everyone besides Ray cause she was flaky anyway, and added in my boyfriend Zeke for it.

Everyone had a really fun time w it and I loved everyones characters, especially Dan's. I watch a lot of dnd shows, so i just keep getting more ideas- but while the one shot was fun it was messy as hell. Ive been wanting to write a campaign for a smaller group for a while, (because when i tried making a campaign with the whole group the character creations were... disappointing to say the least. this sounds mean but i created a fairy world that was very magical & told everyone to go crazy on character creation in a world with few/no humans, and like 5/6 people opted to be a human with a fighting class :/ )

ive been writing a campaign that im really proud of and have a good vision for, and decided to include Mark (because we're best friends) Zeke (because he wants to play dnd more and has no opportunities) Dan (bc he never gets to be a player) and then another close friend of mine outside the group named Gabe (who i love but never get to see) I love their characters & we're all super excited.

Thing is. I was briefly talking with Dan, Zeke and Mark about it at school bc I'd sent everyone a little intro message for the world and they were all super excited and wanted to talk to me about their classes. Virgil had no problem with this and was excitedly asking abt the world + characters along with some other friends from school, but Martin got quiet and went and sat by himself. I could tell they were off, but Martin is generally a quiet person anyway and is often sad + doesnt want to talk for like a hundred different reasons, so i left her alone. Later that day in a different class I have with Virgil he showed me his phone where Martin had sent him a message saying she was really disappointed & felt left out that i hadnt invited them to my campaign.

i instantly felt bad and started to text him, but,,,, to be honest, i dont think im at all responsible for this.

i have reasons for leaving Martin out, the main one being that they just..... arent a very active player. Hes soft spoken and doesnt actually like rping their characters- her character in our main campaign is/was literally mute bc they said they didnt want to have to speak as him. (theyve since taken this back and went through with a curse breaking thing to be able to speak, but her character,,, still doesnt talk much.) he writes really good, sad backstories but doesnt actually play or do anything with them and gets uncomfortable acting. Their characters are not only emotional, but like. crazy. they play a bunch of cool tieflings with insane magic classes & features and then, again,,,, dont roleplay them. I didnt want the group to be big and had a good reason for including everyone that i did, and our other friends that arent in it (Virgil, Ray who is Martins sister btw, all our other d&d interested friends at school) literally dont mind at all. i just wrote a campaign that theyre not in. Martin also has their feelings hurt very easily, so to be honest i just find her being sad about not being in it just... stupid. id never say that to his face & i get that he feels bad, but like....cmon.

im aware im a very very incredibly low empathy person- to be honest i struggle with depression and bpd very heavily and am often mean to my friends & loved ones without really processing why or how much it affects them. i told Virgil that i thought Martins reaction was stupid, and he said that that wasnt fair bc Martin had always been in my campaigns before (which is, yknow, one. Martin and I were even in a campaign with a completely different group a while back and Martin willingly left it very early because the group was loud & their character wasnt doing anything (yeah)). Every time Martins expressed (or i guess not expressed) sorrow for not being invited to it ive just sort of ignored them. this again isnt that uncommon cuz when shes sad he doesnt like to talk about it, and also they havent directly confronted me with this at all.

ive been talking about the campaign a lot because it occupies frankly a lot of my brain because i have so much to write, and i especially talk to the people that arent in it bc theres no risk of slipping up and telling them something they arent supposed to know. The other friend, Gabe, is friends with Zeke and Mark and I, and Dan is good around new people,, but Martins really quiet around people he doesnt know well, so if i invited her anyway they'd probably play the game even less than they already do.

again, im really bad at having an actual perspecitve on this. Virgil said he feels bad for Martin but not for himself, as far as i know Dan doesnt know about the situation, and i literally just dont wanna involve Mark and Zeke (Zeke HATES conflict and when people fight so he really doesnt have to be involved.) Mark Martin and I have all been really close friends since literally 7th grade and I guess Martin especially feels left out that I involved Mark and not them but Marks both really good at character creation and also talking in character, and like, hes my best friend who i do everything with.

I dont wanna blow off Martins emotions but but i truly dont give a shit that they feel betrayed by my not inviting him. especially because they havent bothered actually telling me this. objectively i dont think its my fault even a little, and Martin is really horrible at handling their emotions anyway (this isnt an insult, just a fact. i am too). aita for not inviting him + not caring that shes upset by it and acting like they arent?

sorry this is so long i really like providing context

What are these acronyms?

[wackpedion]

atcually im sending more characters i wanna see u talk abt them tell me abt stan or fiddleford or bill for the ask game

OKOK I JUST ANSWERED FOR FIDDLEFORD OKOKOKOKOKOKOK im so excited i love them. okok ok OK OK ok so from this ask game:

STAN

favorite thing about them

How he loves the kids soso much ouhho vh oh o my ghod Not What He Seems tear my heart out rn. like theyre his world its so... ouhgkhjhbjh........ makes me ill. the way he loves his family as a whole is SO important to me like like like like he values his family so much theyre his world the way he spent 30 years getting ford back GOD dont remind me of of the portal incident i cant hhhrrrr

least favorite thing about them

I suppose how stubborn he is with Ford but like, idk i get it man. hes been thro alot and the two are on rocky ground up until the end so ofc hes gonna act like that and hes not gonna be all that emotionally mature about it.

favorite line

goddd he has so many good lines hes so funny. "Soos, would it be wrong to punch a child?"

brOTP

fiddleford mcgucket i need them to be friends u dont understand. i need this so badly

OTP

ermmm No One ? ive seen some stanbill which i find funny but im not all that invested in it

nOTP

pinecest 👍

random headcanon

As kids he and Ford would often do the twin switcharoo as a fun kid prank, they thought it was the funniest coolest thing but they were actually very easy to tell apart past a first glance because they weren't all that good at lying and pretending (yet)

unpopular opinion

ig its only loosely stan related but roadside attraction should NOT have been aa episode with focus on stan WHERE IS FORD. THE EPISODE BEFORE THE BIG ONE THAT KICKS OFF WEIRDMAGEDDON AND THERES NO FORD!?!?!? kmsing kmsing but you already know how ifeel about it i told you all about it I Miss Ford. I miss my wife tails.

song i associate with them

LUSH BY MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE "everything i touch falls apart and i am left with nothingg everything i touch it turns to total garbage and i cant with and i dont know whyyyy!!!!" like like his insecurity about being the total screwup of the family, his many many failed businesses, the fact he broke fords project and also ended up pushing him into the portal, juistghfhbvhjhbb

favorite picture of them

i like him with his sailing outfit esp the the beanie its cute :3 and EEEE THE BROTHERSSSS <333333

BILL

favorite thing about them

whatever the fuck he has going on ford jesus christ what the fuck who let them get away twith this hello. hello. i cant elaborate cuz id just end up talking about billford forever but fjesuffucking christ

least favorite thing about them

Honestly sock opera didn't make much sense, like he wanted to destroy the laptop and journal cuz dipper was getting "too close", but the journal was needed to operate the portal which was what he Needed and Wanted. my best guess as to why he did that is cuz he didn't want them to find and go off the warnings Ford wrote esp in invisible ink but i dunno. perhaps its that the journals (esp journal 3) wrote of a way to destroy him, im guessing, since ford tosses them to dipper in weirdmageddon saying theres a way to destroy bill, but still. odd. Still my favourite episode tho!!!!

favorite line

"Fordsy, nobody else really gets you, do they? Without me, you'll always feel unseen, surrounded by dolts who don't recognize your full potential. You've always felt alone in a crowd, haven't you? Who else will give you this feeling again? Even if you got rid of me, you'd miss me. Admit it, you'd miss me."

"Reality is an illusion the universe is a hologram buy gold BYEEEEE"

"BY THE WAY IM SENDING SOMEONE TO STEAL YOUR EYES. THATS NOT A JOKE. I HAVE A FRIEND WHO WILL STEAL YOUR EYES."

"I have some children I need to TURN INTO CORPSES"

also. just his "Yello!" gag in the dreamscaperers. its so sutpid i love it

honestly UGHH hes so quotable i love like every one of his lines everytime hes on screen its a joy. any episode is a good episode with bill. hes such a good villain

brOTP

None reaally? I guess I would've loved more antics with the henchmaniacs, like that one deleted scene, I found them pretty funny

OTP

BILLFORD DO UE VEN HAVE TO ASK HHHHHGHH

nOTP

None I think, i guess fiddleford and bill but i said that already and tbh im mostly indifferent to it

random headcanon

iii havent fully cvuaght up on all the code and lore cracking of TBOB but from what ive picked up he had to take medicine as a kid which affected his eyesight? so my hc is that he has some lasting damage with his vision from that

unpopular opinion

yes the book of bill gave us bill euclydia dimension lore but no that doesnt ruin his character sure his backstory is sad but like. its not his focal point. it gives him depth and an explanation its GOOD. hes still the villain whos evil because! who does whatever he wants! for fun! a sad backstory and a charming villain whos motivation is Fun can coexist its not the end of the world

also this is directed at like One thing i saw on twt but He Would Fucking Not listen to msi oh my god he canonically hates synthesized music i hate you

song i associate with them

GOD i have a few ermm.... theyre like billford related tho so. hope thats cool. the one ive been obsessed with is New Invention by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME its SO GFUCKING THEM DUDE ITS SO THEM LISTEN TO IT. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! pls

favorite picture of them

every picture but ig if i had to choose him playing faggot piano for ford is up there

[jlheon]

penggg! have you listened to bea’s new album? i did and i’m obsessed with california and one time!!

which song was your fave? plus, thoughts on the release? <333

missing your works 💗 (but take your time!!)

hai!!! these are my thoughts!!! (this is how it went & a cruel affair & everything i want) — btw this is kinda long u don’t have to read it all 😭😭

take a bite — 10/10 wbk. i am taking a bite hell yeah i am!!!! this song is so hoonki coded i will not explain further u just have to understand by being on my intellectual level.

california — 9/10 i want to go to california… the whole song is so woah icl! the bridge is insane oh my gosh I LOVE BEABADOOBEE

one time — 10/10 HECK YEAH!!! this song is literally me winning the idgaf war at all times! awesome beat n song n lyrics FUCK YOU !!!!! the outro is actually insane bea the lyrical genius you are… i love her so much

real man — 10/10 U WILL NEVER BE A REAL MAN!!!! this song is also like FUCK U!!! i think i hate men guys freak this i need a gf! again the outro is insane LAWD!!!!

tie my shoes — 9/10 i will sob n throw up this song is so woah. THE ONE PART “lied to a girl u hardly knew but the world thought of you” THE WAY SHE DELIVERS THE LINE IS SO CRAZY BEAUTIFUL I LOVE BEA SO MUCH PLZ TIE MY SHOES

girl song — 10/10 this song is a real representation of me fighting my demons every couple days when i have one of my weekly crash outs woah. i will sob n cry again this is so me unfortunately

coming home — 9/10 it was a 10/10 my first listens but i overplayed it sobs. oh but this song made me cry even just the demo version becoz it makes me think of being married n not having time for each other and that is terrifying LONG DISTANCE I WILL NEVER DO THAT PROLLY.

ever seen — 8.5/10 i like but not as much as the other songs YK. its very happy n peppy tho i hope i have a meetcute one day. TO TELL MY KIDS ABT BRU. this song is jake coded becuz hes the prettiest ever..

a cruel affair — 100/10 me song again! love this instrumental for realz. this song is too short it should be 3 minutes at minimum poo… this song barely has any lyrics too. EXTENDED VERSION PLEASEEEE

post — 8/10 for some reason i don’t understand what this song is about like i was analyzing the lyrics and i rlly don’t know but the song is awesome regardless

beaches — 10/10 Yes! i really want to go on vacation to a tropical place so i can dissociate for a while n get my shit together ngl.. THE INSTRUMENTAL BREAK IS SO GOOD BRU WTF PLEEK I LOVE BEA SM

everything i want — 1000/10 NEED THIS AT MY WEDDING /SRS. no like actually this song makes me so happy n bittersweet plz im everything you want (jake) can we plz get married ill never settle for a regular man. ok but in seriousness its so cute w the lyrics and i hope i feel this way abt someone n vise versa one day when im older! i want to be in love so bad…!!! on REPEAT.

the man who left too soon — 7/10 but only becoz i don’t resonate w any of the lyrics but the song is good it just has to grow on me i reckon…

this is how it went — 1000/10 THIS IS MY SONG. i love the beat so bad it makes me wanna cry but also sway around my room! this song is literally me i love sleeping n not talking to anyone hashtag peng core song!

[bidisaster-peanut-romano]

no but why are we never talking abt norton???

he's so kind and for what!!

like really. norton is the kindest person you will ever meet

and he's pretty insecure about that. also because his father has spent a lifetime telling him to man up and just learn the way the world works

plus bullworth is well. the way it is. not easy for kind souls

so he toughened up on the surface but on the inside, the part that he lets his friends see, he's still got a golden heart like ponyboy's sunsets

speaking of which, the outsiders is the book he is the most fond of (it's also part of the reason he decided to become a greaser!!) but he loves to read in general!!

he has a little notebook where he keeps track of all the book he reads and the movies he watches; he also keeps track of how much he liked them, his main thoughts of them and so forth

he also writes poetry from time to time!!

also he's got very strong political opinions. his father expected him to become a cop when he grows up; now he's radically on the left and extremely critical of the legal system as a whole

he gives the best hugs!!!! he might not be the best at finding the words to comfort his friends, and not on the spot, but his hugs cure all illnesses

not as good as you would expect with children. turns out toddlers really aren't that keen on having discussions about media analysis

too cautious for his own life

also he's the one who makes sure no one of his reckless cliquemates accidentally finds a way to put themself in danger

he tries to keep a sort of low profile at home, but the walls of his dorm room are covered in posters and sketches he's tried to do himself

though he's very insecure about that too. but he's learning!!

he shares said room with peanut btw. they get along very very well because they both know they can be kind and gentle and vulnerable, because they know they will both be gentle. they're so soft i love them

he respects johnny as a leader, but he does think he's much too reckless and impulsive, often overlooking what would be best for the clique as a whole in favor of his wants

also he's got this reciprocal, deep distaste for lola, because they have deeply contrasting values and therefore attitudes so it's a mutual disapproval really

also he's the best at doing piercings

he got himself a navel piercing. his parents still don't know and they can't know

wears glasses when he reads and when he drives!! astigmatism + slight myopia but he doesn't need them all the time

speaking of driving- most greasers actually can drive a car and/or a motorcycle, but norton is one of the few who. actually has got a license

just to drive a car though. his mother always refused to let him drive a motorbike

[forgottenroisin]

How does Roisin prefer someone else confess their love to them, if they want to at all?

dlsfkjaljsdfjsdf unfortunately for you, dear reader, rosie is a character i know very well and have spent a lot of time thinking abt, and this question kinda hits at the heart of a lot of her struggles, so this will, i fear, be quite a lengthy reply! feel free to read however much (or however little!) you like <3 i'll leave some titles around to help you decide what's interesting ;D

META

so!! I'm not sure if this is a question asking 1) whether rosie prefers that ~her partner~ be the first to profess his feelings, rather than roisin speaking out first herself, or 2) if its a question asking what method she would like her partner to use ~in professing his feelings? but i think it's def asking, as addendum, 3) if she wants feelings professed, at all! anyway, i thought i'd go ahead and answer all three questions! and the answers will actually vary! lakjfkljsdf

tldr, tho, in short, the answers are these: 1) yes pls let him do it! 2) just be sincere, and 3) no...in general, but...sometimes yes! but only if she truly wants you around for the long haul!

you can read on for more info ;D

GRIEF VS ROSIE

so rosie is an mbti [ enfp ] and an [ enneagram ] [ type ] [ seven ]! why am i mentioning this? bc, basically, she has conflicting, but related, hopes/dreams and fears/coping mechanisms which is why ur gonna get some uhhhh variety here!

rosie, as we all know, is a big romantic! she was raised on tales of chivalrous knights and brave ladies, and dreams of a fairy tale love herself. she is also, however, aware that real life isn't like that. her active mother slowly wasted away in front of her as a kid; her stepmother is vile and has forced them all into servitude; her father died in failure; her country was smashed by a brutal conqueror. as a result, she considers her wishes somewhat silly and even childish and is a bit down on herself abt wanting these things. but it doesn't stop her from wanting them, notwithstanding.

also ~interacting with the above~ rosie is an enfp, meaning she craves variety: new ppl, new challenges, new projects, and change, but also that she's warm, idealistic, fun, and compassionate (amongst other things! im talking specifically abt relationships w other ppl here)! she loves with her whole heart, but she also hates to be tied down, but also values loyalty and fortitude. she can be extremely casual, but she craves intensity. so! you can def see a conflict here! she wants deep, abiding relationships but also hates feeling trapped/like she can't open herself to every possibility/explore all the world and others have to offer. in the right relationship, this would all be readily achievable, but commitment is intrinsically scary to her and it requires a leap of faith!

which is where her enneagram comes in. in a nutshell, "Sevens fear getting stuck in a rut and missing out on the good life. They cope with this fear by constantly seeking out exciting, novel, and fun experiences." and "The central problem for Sevens is that their pursuit of pleasure is compulsive. Sevens are fear types who are specifically afraid of the power of negative states of mind. These they avoid by seeking distractions in the external environment: by multi-tasking, by keeping their options open, by engaging in stimulation seeking of all kinds."

CHILDHOOD WOUND

every enneagram type comes out of a [ childhood wound ]. for 7s, that's a disconnection from the nurturing figure of childhood (for rosie, the wasting illness and ultimate death of her mother) which tells them "its [dangerous] to depend on anyone for anything. if i stay distracted i won't feel my grief." they feel scared and lonely and empty, in continual pain, lacking something profound and meaningful inside. rosie, specifically, is characterized by a profound fear of loss, and there's only one way to truly avoid loss: avoidance of attachments. something which is, itself, painful for someone who craves deep, abiding connection. in other words, the only way to heal is to risk more of the same pain that broke her in the first place.

bc of this, in general rosie ~is a runner. she enjoys excitement and fun, but after awhile there's a line you cross, right? and after that things get more and more srs, attachments get deeper -- you start relying on that other person. and that's where rosie gets antsy, bc that's the point at which the risk starts to mount. she can lose anyone at any time! what if she loses this person, too? its no accident that the vast majority of her deepest relationships arose through proximity and from early childhood: she didn't really have a chance to run away.

in august, i actually wrote this note to myself: "Got emo thinking abt lfr while working on my space anyway hc incoming: sorcha was reading rosie a compendium of fairy stories when she got too weak to continue — rosie still has that tome and treasures it, has the passages memorized, bc reading them to herself is the only way she can hear her mothers voice again

"Rosie’s grief for her parents differ: her mother suffered a protracted illness and so by the time she died it was almost a release from suffering, and Rosie was too young to fully grasp it, but afterwards spent the rest of her life fearing the loss of loved ones more than anything. Her father was sudden and terrible and the bringing abt of all her worst fears. This grief is a chasm, bc it’s both griefs, in essence, and it’s a big part of why she can never stop running from it"

so yeah ironically she's rarely gonna do the thing she wants everyone else to do which is stick around! she's the ill leave before i can get left type

PIERS AUCLAIR

i do think there have been two occasions on which rosie was prepared to cross that boundary ~in a romantic~ capacity, specifically. before the war, rosie would've been twenty and thus a decade+ away from the inciting incident of her grief/fear. she was living at court and feeling v brave and older and sophisticated and she was sort of seeing a young man who was a young lord in a foreign country, there as part of a party in astaira to treat w the queen

honestly, i def think rosie had a lot of romantic ideas abt this young man that frankly weren't even true. but he was dashing and handsome and exciting, and he knew how to make her laugh, and she felt happy and adventuresome when she was with him and she thought! this is it! this is what ive been searching for! its time to be brave!

and here's the moment we come to the actual question!

QUESTION THE FIRST! does rosie prefer that she or her partner be the first to profess their feelings?

being a big romantic, rosie has some v decided ideas abt who does what! and the ~man is supposed to make the move! that's what happens in the fairy tales! besides, she's sure its also more ~thrilling to be confessed ~to than to ~do the confessing, which is the scary part! and rosie don't do scary! so this is all v convenient ;D

MORE PIERS!

now to the matter of this previous young man! i am, here and now, dubbing him sir piers auclair, knight of the griffin, future lord of the blackwater, from the country of lienor (nonsense information to the rescue! ;D). piers was ngl a bit of a player, but rosie was young and naive and fell for it hook, line, and sinker, and believed whole heartedly that he was in love w her and that, she, herself, was completely in love w him (she ~was in love, but only w the romanticized image she had of him in her head)!

i don't think piers was really a particularly bad person or anything tbf, and he did enjoy rosie, liked her etc, i think, but she wasn't anything v special to him, he was just passing his time w a pretty face and intent upon returning to his soon-to-be political fiancee in lienor whenever the ambassador had successfully charmed this astairan queen. i do think piers knew rosie's attachment was much deeper than his own, but i think it felt good to be adored and he just -- let it go, thinking it would come to nothing and she'd get over it eventually etc

but rosie didn't, couldn't see it -- she thought he was all that and a bag of chips! and she thought that roisin auclair had a particular ring to it and that he did, too, but they were sundered by his duty to his parents who wanted him to marry someone else! but maybe! maybe if she let go all uncertainty, they could fight for the future they wanted, together! her father was just as rich as the other young ladies! a nd true love will always find a way, that's what all the stories said! and, even tho the idea of leaving her family behind and going to lienor was terrifying, she thought it might be worth it for the love of her life!

i think she waited for awhile, hoping he'd finally say what she was hoping to hear, but i think she finally took matters into her own hands and told him that she was in love w him, herself! which honestly took sm courage for her to do ngl! and i think he just stared at her in shock!! and then said smth noncommittal that kinda sorta felt like maybe a reciprocation when you don't poke at it too much!! and rosie was happy not to poke!! but deep down she started to wonder and just tried to force it! IM HAPPY! IM HAPPY! IM HAPPY!

soon thereafter tho the war. piers ran away wo a word just ~hearing abt roderick, abandoning her to whatever end and never reaching out again even by letter, and rosie was confronted w what he really was: even greater a coward than she, esp when she was sent back to malconaire and faced w the unswerving, and ultimately fatal, courage of her father and her home, all things which further reinforced her fears of loss!!!!!!!!! btw!!!!!!!!!

EDMUND

as you probs guessed, edmund is the second time, she's thought she might want someone to tell her that they love her! but she's conflicted abt it, too. let me explain...

i think, now, years after the loss of her father, rosie's starting to feel like she'd maybe like to cross that boundary w edmund...but all the courage she'd built up after the death of her mother has dried up, and she's much more realistic now. she knows what edmund wants; she also knows what edmund needs. and none of those add up to the youngest daughter of a dead and defunct lord: a dowerless girl from a conquered country. and she's equally afraid that if she pushes it, she'll lose him. bc, worse, she knows that -- one way or another -- she ultimately will

atm, she's just tryna enjoy whatever time ~they do have and not look too closely at what hurts!! which, fortunately, is her specialty!!

so her plan is to say nothing and wonder whether she should hope that he tells her he loves her...or not??? is it ~really better if he loves her too?? when it can never be in the end?? and then she gets sad and pointedly distracts herself!!! lakjsdfkljsdfj

QUESTION THE SECOND! what method she would like her partner to use ~in professing his feelings?

ok so you knowwwww that lil!rosie always dreamed of that big dramatic reveal!!! a beautiful, romantic place and moment!!! a big speech!!! a world-stopping kiss!!!!! she def put a lot of planning into this w piers too (which probs did ~not help ~him btw!! sm pressure on it!!)

atp, tho, while she def wouldn't ~mind the above, she's like 'that was just a silly dream!' now, and would def be down w smth much more quiet, lowkey, and down to earth, as long as its sincere -- that's the most romantic thing on earth, she's come to realize! that's what really counts (not all the flashy stuff w/o any substance, which is all that piers really was tbh)! whether its just blurted out thoughtlessly, or said v quietly in a v true moment, planned or not, that sounds absolutely beautiful to her <3333

rosie doesn't wanna put pressure on it, anymore, she doesn't wanna push anyone into saying anything they don't feel, she just wants a true meeting of the hearts even if that's someone saying 'i like you a lot but i just don't feel the same way' yknow? so they can just be open and honest and trust in whatever the truth may be between them

QUESTION THE THIRD! does she wants feelings professed, at all?

so, in summation...in general, no! no she does not want to be that vulnerable w you! she's just here to enjoy a lil harmless fun for you both! but if you get important enough to her, then yes! but now mostly just bc she wants to know where things stand and that she's not alone in this! but she'll also question whether she wants that too! which she questions even more re: edmund, given their necessarily divided futures, BUT she would probs wonder regardless bc -- even denying it to herself -- knowing piers didn't feel the same was painful too so!! there's really no winning w feelings!! lkajflkskjdf

OTHER RELATIONSHIPS

ok so!!!!!! i wanna keep this short and sweet but lil!rosie had REALLLLLLLY high hopes for valentina!!!!! she was like 'she'll never be our real mom but shes our new mom and its gonna be beautiful!!!!' she assumed her dad was in love w her (and vice versa) bc they were getting married and yeah!!! obv we all know how this went down!!!! and lbr it was a huuuuge hit on a lot of her romantic dreams and the first real brush w the concept of marrying for duty not love, since her own parents had somehow done both <3 and so she lowkey assumed that's how it always went! until it didn't

now the cassimir/eithne bit! this will be brief but!!!!! this has really been ANOTHER hit to her romantic ideals!!!!!! despite everything she was like 'even if we're poor as churchmice i know we'll either marry not at all or where our hearts reside!' and that was smth true for all her sisters in her mind but now!!!!!!!!! now even ~that peace of mind is broken and yes!! this does impact the above and, actually, not just this part the third, as i was initially thinking, but the others too but my main thought was!!!!!!!! she does NOT want her vers of cassimir coming up and being all 'ill marry you honey' like no! no thank you! pls go away! bc eithne's shown her that maybe the right thing to do is to giveup all ur silly romantic dreams and give in to a life that will always be a lil terrible if it'll benefit others and now she's asking herself 'am i selfish to reject cormac? should i accept him and save eithne???' so him ~not asking and just stating ~that it will be~ has been a boon following ~that lil piece of news!!!!!!!

also!! just learned today abt ladies' privilege (thank you, lizzy!), an old irish tradition where a woman may propose to a man on leap day, and if this is a thing in astaira, rosie's probs wondering, like, should ~she propose to ~cormac? she knows he'd take her!!!! he's made that quite clear!!! and maybe it could save eithne bc, he might be ridiculous, but in rosie's book cormac is better than ~cassimir!!!!!! and yeah!!!!! tis a mess!!!!! (tbh she's probs wrong to think this'd have an impact on eithne/cassimir but rosie always likes to believe there's ~smth she can do!)

[sluckythewizard]

EVERYONE GGET BAAACK IM ABT TO RAMBLE ABOUT FINN TIDESTRIDER. SPOILERS FOR EEVERYTHINGGGG ALL UP TO EP 113 YOU GOTTA RUN!! YOU GOTTA RUN AWAYYYY!!!!

ITS FASCINATING to speak to someone who has lived 80 years. almost every conversation involves me asking about a story of theirs, places theyve been, things theyve done. i feel like ive seen so much in only 20 something years of life, imagine that 4 times over?

all those stories, to have each and every one of them written down i feel like would be a beautiful thing. record keeping, storing that experience in an edible form, preserved for the future generations to study and cherish. imagine how many stories could be collected from not just 80 years of life, but 200? maybe more? imagine?

i LOVE characters that live to observe and document, keeping all their findings and knowledge and memories in tomes and records. i have several ocs that are functionally immortal, owning vast libraries holding all the knowledge of their lives. one of them is a man losing his memory, who has all his most vital memories tattooed onto his arms, so he will never forget what matters. FINN TIDESTRIDER. A MAGICIAN? WIZARD? SCIENTIST MAYBE. RESEARCHER ABSOLUTELY. CHRONICLER. LIBRARIAN. I HAD NO REAL STRUCTURE IN MIND FOR THIS POST. WHICH IS WHY ITLL SHOCK YA WHEN I BRING UP:

SEXUAL REPRESSION UNDER A CORRUPT RELIGIOUS ORGANIZATION. MORMONISM AND SOME OTHER JESUS CENTERED RELIGIONS WILL TELL YOU THAT YOUR BODY IS A SACRED THING. MASTURBATION IS EVIL, IT CORRUPTS YOUR BODY, WHICH SHOULD BE SAVED FOR MARRIAGE. CELIBACY PRESERVES YOUR BODY, FOR YOUR ONE AND ONLY LIFE PARTNER. SEX IS NOT AN ACTIVITY, IT IS SACRED, RESERVED ONLY FOR PROCREATION.

i dont know if the undersea is Perfectly comparable to religions like that, but it is certainly a culture that upholds a very 'the elders are always right and must be followed'. polygamy is punishable by death, releasing spawn is a natural step after marriage, etc etc, i wouldnt be surprised to find that the undersea has a crazy Purity Culture thing going on. to live your whole long life down there, where so much is forbidden, and finally breaking into the surface world to explore the unknown, who knew your own body would be part of that 'unknown'?

in that episode, in the uh. Book. he says 'his first man was a (shiphand)' or whatever idk i dont feel like relistening. but HIS FIRST MAN!! ur telling me Finn Sexguy Tidestrider wasnt banging dudes down in the undersea?? maybe hes just talkin about his first Human but whateeverrrr. is homophobia a thing in the undersea?? i guess itll be a while before we know.

EITHER WAY. to break free from an oppressive climate and finally having the chance to be sexually free. to finally be familiar with your own body and the bodies of others, to LEARN so much about what makes you and others tick, to experience a unique form of intimacy with another. while having sex is not a VITAL experience, to have the freedom and choice to explore that IS SO IMPORTANT...

sex isnt a disgusting thing, its not wrong and its not naughty its not sinful its not gross. but sex also is not sacred, its not a big important thing, its not vital. sex is JUST an activity. a fun thing to do with ur homies or someone youre close to. there are dangers of course, which is why KNOWLEDGE about it is such an important thing. ohhh my god i constantly have a huge ramble locked n loaded about sexual education but ill GET INTO THAT ANOTHER TIME.

TLDR i reaally like finn tidestrider because TO ME, he is not just a wacky funny old sex-having wizard. hes a man who lived a looong fuckin time under a religious climate that discouraged sexual exploration, and after he left, got to spend decades and decades of being FREE to explore. in MY heart.

i get like, haha funny old man yaoi, the shock of the old guy havin sloppy gay fuck sex, but yknow. i dont expect it but it would be neat i think if this sorta thing would ever be taken seriously and explored.

THE TIDESTRIDERS FASCINATE ME. for finn to say YES i LOVE having SEX all the TIME; and for gill to say NO i am NOT interested in sex EVER.. those are BOTH forms of sexual freedom. its the choice!! THE CHOICE!!!!

[thatgirlfromthering]

here is a bunch of useless stuff abt prsk but i have no friends so im just saying it for everyone to hear. my opinions only dont take this seriously

nc @ 25

mafuyu: my favorite in the whole game. its odd considering that i used to absolutely hate her. i hated her for the same reason that most ppl hate her. i thought that everyone was overreacting to her problems but then i realized i was projecting my own insecurities onto that so i started to love her. ill pull her mothers hair out in clumps

kanade: my second favorite in the whole games. i just relate to mafuyu more. her hair is nice. we both hate going outside ♡︎ idk how shes paying the bills but either way i feel bad for her she lost so many ppl she loves & shes trying to protect someone she loves & i want a friend like her but i dont think itd be healthy but do i care? not really. i love kanade i wanna give her a comfy blanket to sleep with.

mizuki: this was very hard to do cause i couldnt decide to put them or kanade in the number 2 spot. ig i just have the smallest bit of more bias towards kanade. anyway their such a good friend big w for telling your bestie to run away (/serious) ily queen teehee were both transfem she/theys who hated life also their singing voice is the best out of all the characters

ena: ok i wanna like her more than i do but i just hate the way she treats mafuyu its like she thinks mafuyus a burden for not having conventional feelings a lot of ppl ik irl are like this so i dont care for ena that much but she obv has her moments of clarity ig but shes better than shiho (not sorry) also she abuses akito idc what ppl say

vbs

toya: hes autistic idk what to tell you chief i think the tenmas should adopt him his & tsukasas friendship is nice i like how tsukasas like an older brother to him. toya has my favorite voice of vbs i love how wholesome he is autism be damned by boys got daddy issues ill kick his dad in the teeth he & mafumom can fall into a volcano ♡︎

akito: i feel bad for the way ena treats him but i do wish he wasnt an ass sometimes but hes gotten better & actually has depth so i like him lots cause his voice is really good also his event stories are good i wish he had more event stories that were centered around him

an: 100% she ahouldve been the vbs leader my theory is that she looks too much like ichika ig & thats why. theres probably some reason that im unaware of. i like her event stories a lot shes a good character i like her determination also caucasian destination boy was her canon event not her discovering nagi is dead

kohane: shes cute & all & her singing voice is good. but she just feels like a copy & paste of minori, vice versa. her determination is cute & all but she just feels like super basic her outfit is cute tho ig.

wxs

nene: shes rlly cute her & emus friendship is one of my favorite dynamics we both love video games her whole mermaid thing is really nice i love mermaids sm also her songs are rlly cute her & lukas voices go well together shes also autistic just saying

rui: the other characters have queer aspects abt them but this guy was just queer all around i mean jfc anyway he said :3 i love his face he probably has my favorite face of the characters he has the best singing voice of wxs imo his event stories are cool too. hes autistic

emu: you ever meet someone so cheerful its almost intimidating? anyway shes adorable & deserves the world i like her lots i think shed give good hugs even tho i hate being touched id like to hug her at least once her event songs are good but im not a huge fan of once upon a dream

tsukasa: mr showtime is fire. he & emu would be in the same spot but i like emus singing voice better so 🤷‍♀️ he & mafuyu probably are systems (shoutout to hearth4days) my guy has glass child syndrome his parents are lowkey neglectful i love his big brother thing hes got going on i wish he was my big brother. his laugh is loud but nice

mmj

shizuku: so gorgeous no notes shes so sweet & cute & i love her voice & i want her to be my big sister & i love her singing voice the cards for the my color event are so lovely i want that costume for her so badly shes muah muah muah my love

haruka: we both have eds lol im not a huge fan of her singing voice but i like her hair when my hair grows out a little more i wanna style it like that i like her regular voice a lot

airi: lets go lesbians her & shizukus romeo & cinderella song was sooo good also her event songs are sooo good (momoiro key & icedrop ♡︎)

minori: her determination is cute & her design is cute but her personality is eh she & kohane are just copy & pastes of each other their both new at performing and have this main character determination & are obsessed with girls with blue hair (an & harkua)

l/n

honami: we both like drums. she probably has my second favorite face of all the characters. i also think she gives good hugs shes so nurturing and sweet i think her hair is very soft & smells good

saki: shes rlly cute i love her hair i wanna do my hair like that when it gets long we both are chronically ill & feel like a burden to the ppl around us lol her cards are really cute i also think her hair is soft

ichika: eh shes lame her singing voice is pretty good but other than that there doesnt seem to be too much thats interesting abt her

shiho: 🍅🍅🍅

[legobatjoker]

okayy funfact is that its 2am and even tho ihave no school v slay weree leaving at nine:30 for a daytrip tmrww !!!!! so thats not good i stayed up. wayy too fucking late ill tell u that much !! so ya i need to go to bed like rn and i ill lol but beforei do this may be v short due to the afformentioned need to go to bed like rn but i do jsut really wanna say that ! i really do just love you so so much dearest !! it really was so so nice to get to watch pibtlw w u and james and chat together ad stuff and j spend time together j like it always is spending time w u love and like !! i hope u know that u rly do just bring soso much joy and light and happiness and warmth into my life just knowing you and being your friend and having u in my life and iyou really are just such a wonderful incredible kind caring thoughtful friend to me who makes me feel soso loved and cared for and safe and warm with you and i hope you know that you mean the world to me and i really do just love you soso very much dearest :'> i hope ur days been good and that u sleep well, ilusm <3 💞💞🐞🦋🍓🍊🥭🌼🌷💞💞✨✨✨

omg i hope that the daytrip is fun!!!!!!!!!!:0000 and that you can get at least some sleep or get sleep while travelling love<3333 and ofc dw abt ask length or anything i totallyyy understand and omggg yess it was sososooooooooooooo much fun to watch pibtlw and to chat and stuff with you and james like it rlly was sosooo much fun and !!! yeah in general you really do just make my life soooo much better and brighter and are suchhhh an incredibly caring understanding compassionate friend to meee and make my whole world better and mean sososooo muchhh to mee like ur so important to me and i am sososoo glad i can be the same to youu and yah i just really love you sooo muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh<333<3333<33333333<333 mwah mwah gnighttt!!

[3mixs]

omg i read ur rules after i sent the ask abt chaeyoung, so that was my bad, but im glad u turned it around!!

i LOVE the idea abt jihyo's potential friend, esp when u mentioned sejeong!! i think jihyo and sejeong are very similar, so i can totally imagine sejeong as another hybrid (probably a kitten too), and the only reason jihyo likes her unlike how she was wary of nayeon and outright dislikes momo is bc sejeong kept trying to be her friend and eventually jihyo just gave in and found she liked her! a bit of a reverse of how they actually became friends (with jihyo hitting on starting convos with sejeong but thats what aus are for right?)

and sejeong would 100% take jihyo's side. and they meet up at their secret meeting spot and jihyo is just complaining and complaining and obviously sejeong is gonna agree with her cause she doesnt know any better LMAO, she jumps on the momo hate train REAL QUICK

but what if one day she finally meets momo and shes just like. jihyo. ur so dumb. she literally just wants to be your friend. and i can imagine poor momo :( who is probably so insecure abt her place and might be afraid that bc jihyo doesnt like her (and they've had jihyo longer) they might like momo less or get rid or her or smth :((

and meanwhile 2yeon is just like: jihyo will come around...eventually......right........

they're too busy being in love to deal with this rn hehe

but yeah! i really like this au!! and ty for letting me give my input, ill claim an emoji if thats ok?? i sent the previous two asks u answered abt this au (the one asking for more and the jihyo having a friend one) so u can keep track of it if u want

but yeah this is so cool and also sorry for talking so much 😭😭 i really love hybrid aus

-🐻 (if thats not taken and if its ok!!)

absolutely no worries! i only updated my rules yesterday so really there was no way you would’ve known if you had looked before then!

i freaking adore sejeong and i’ve always wanted to try writing her! every time i think of her and jihyo all i can think of is the whole ‘twin flame’ trope- i mean sejeong did call jihyo her “soulmate” at one point... so as you can tell i’m a sehyo enthusiast! 

but hybrid kitten!sehyo just takes the dramatics and the cuteness to another level! i love love LOVE the reversal of their meeting. i can imagine sejeong just popping up everyday for a week straight asking jihyo to hang out and be friends. no matter how many times jihyo would roll her eyes and say she doesn’t need a friend because she already has jeongyeon, sejeong would just roll her eyes right back leave with a “see you tomorrow pabo (idiot)!” eventually jihyo rationalized hanging out with sejeong by telling herself it’s okay to have two friends if one of them is also a kitten like her so jeongyeon won’t get jealous. 

sejeong would absolutely take jihyo’s side! i imagine that sejeong mostly comes around when her owner + jeongyeon aren’t home (and the few times she has met jeongyeon all jeong does is joke about how they’re ‘the same kitten just copy and pasted’). so sejeong probably knows deep deep down jihyo is just being overdramatic about the whole situation - but she’s never really hung out while 2yeon are at home and she’s never met momo so as far as she’s concerned jihyo is 100% justified in everything. she’d be fuming too if her owner moved in her girlfriend without asking and then brought home a new puppy on a whim.

but because she is on the outside, she is much more reasonable about the situation when it finally comes to meeting momo. i would imagine she’d come over one afternoon while her owner is out shopping or something and expects to see jihyo on her usual chair basking in the sun but instead she finds momo sitting alone in the living room pouting. since momo arguably has one of the most irresistible pouts of all time, sejeong can’t help but talk to her (even though she was going to ignore her out of solidarity with jihyo). poor momo should be on top of the world right now, she just got a new home and a new family. when 2yeon are home she can at least hang out with them but when they’re gone and she’s left alone with jihyo she’s reminded of how lonely she was before coming home with them. 

puppy!momo lives with her heart on her sleeve, her ears always giving away her emotions no matter how well she tries to hide them with her words. so when sejeong asks what’s wrong momo just pouts and says ‘jihyo’s ignoring her again so she’s waiting out here until nayeon comes home’ and bursts into tears because she hasn’t really had anyone to talk to about any of this. she’s too scared to bring it up to 2yeon in case they realize bringing momo home was a mistake and they take her back in order to keep jihyo happy. she can’t exactly talk to jihyo about it without getting the cold shoulder. plus she doesn’t know anyone else in the area so she’s just been keeping everything to herself. sejeong right then and there decides she likes momo and doesn’t want to see her sad again. so she gives momo a hug and listens to all her worries and insecurities. before she leaves she promises they’ll hang out together soon, but first she’s got to deal with jihyo. 

the next time the kittens meet up at their spot, the first thing sejeong does is hit her on the arm and calls her an idiot. she ignores all of jihyo’s pouts and protests, she’s heard them before. she’s determined to get jihyo to like momo so all three of them can be friends. they’re all hybrids so they might as well get along. plus, it would be more fun to have someone else play around with them.  maybe she hatches a plan to force the three of them to hang out together or something along those lines??

as for 2yeon, they know jihyo is a slow burn and once she opens up to momo she’ll like her (even if she won’t admit it). she didn’t like nayeon and first but now she does... well they think she does. she doesn’t really say it. or ever show it. but sometimes she seems like she might, so that’s what counts! in the mean time, they’re just loving life and definitely in a little honeymoon phase now that they’ve taken that next step in their relationship. until one of the hybrids runs away or draws blood, they don’t need to step in. just positive vibes and fingers crossed!

and that’s totally okay!! i’m so excited to have people becoming regular emoji anons! like i really can’t express to you how happy i am that you’re even taking the time to read any of this and interact with me! i wasn’t really sure how well any of my hcs would come off because i think their good ideas but i couldn’t tell if anyone else would think so too. if i could hug you through the screen i would! so seriously thank you so much for interacting and adding to this au, it’s given me so much inspiration and fun!!

[lynnthefrenchtoast]

🌱lynn's thoughts on genshin ships

bc she has lot of them.

ships: kaebedo, zhongchi, xiaoven, ittorou, thomato (feel free to request more:))

KAEBEDO❄️🎨

• otp.

• my genuine life source

• "how kind of you to maroon us on that neighbouring island." "oh please dont mention it" $(4+_8+292-_(_!_?_!!!!!!!

• i think when they interacted in canon i felt happiness for the first time in years (/j)

• its abt the connection to khaenriah alright-

• its abt kaeya being good with pyro kids bc he grew up with diluc and therefore taking such good care of klee

• its abt the cavalry captain thinking the chief alchemist will be a bore, and vice versa

• its abt when they meet for the first time and realize 'oh archons hes pretty.'

• its abt albedos eyes on kaeyas pupils, and kaeyas eyes on albedos neck. its abt the four-pointed star and the realization you arent alone.

• also prince kaeya of khaenriah theories hhhhhh YES

• tfw you destroy mondstadt with ur pirate boyfriend

• or: tfw you try to destroy mondstadt but ur hot pirate boyfriend stops you

• either is *cheffs kiss*

• kaeya at first makes fun of albedo for being unable to decline klee but after dating for a while kaeya starts becoming the same way

• thank god for jean or klees power would be unparalleled

• when shes around, kaeya likes doing small things that irk albedo bc he never gets mad when theyre in front of klee

• ...but when klee leaves aHA KAEYA RUN

• they both have survivors guilt why? bc i said so

• also bc of kaeyas cryo vision and the fact albedo isnt really human neither of them really get cold

• SO KAEYAS THE ONLY ONE WHO VISITS ALBEDO AT DRAGONSPINE AND DOESNT MIND

• and kaeya must have really cold hands meaning albedos the only one who can hold them and not find it discomfiting

• they make me feel so single

ZHONGCHI🔶💧

• childe, eleventh fatui harbinger, loyal to the tsaritsa,

• falls in love with the geo archon.

• i imagine he was alr in love with zhongli before the big reveal and when he found out his xiansheng was morax childe's world shattered.

• he had no right to be mad since he himself was also hiding his identity as a harbinger but..

• everything felt so numb

• he stops spending every living second with zhongli. basically thinks hes "given up" on the man-

• but then zhongli apologizes. even though he really didnt have to.

• and how can childe stay mad when zhongli is apologizing so sincerely?

• when childe realizes he indeed hasnt given up on zhongli, even though he now knows the man is aN ARCHON AND ADEPTUS-

• he has an existential crisis.

• the dowry chopsticks. PLSSSS.

• everyone in liyue thought they were already a couple way before they ever became a couple.

• including zhongli.

• SNEZHNAYAN PEOPLE ARE TOUCHY AND LIYUEANS ARENT SO WHEN CHILDE TAKES HIS HAND ZHONGLI THINKS "oh we're dating okay"

• doesnt help that zhongli isnt very vocal abt his feelings either so the misunderstanding dragged on a whole month

• wouldve dragged on longer if childe didnt confess

• a love built on sacrilige yum

XIAOVEN🍃👹

• i actually dont ship xiaoven that hard wanna know why

• bc i got into genshin solely for venti. i read so much venti x reader. and when i realized ppl shipped him with smn else i was jealous

• yOU HEARD ME RIGHT I WAS JEALOUS. #87$$8_+$(

• xiaos always like "yOu have NO resPeCt fOr tHe aDePti." but ventis an archon so hes one the few xiao cant say that too

• ITS SO CUTE BC YOU CAN TELL XIAO WANTS TO SAY IT BUT VENTI IS LIKE OF HIGHER RANK SO HE CANT PROTEST

• i feel like venti gave xiao his vision thinking "oh hes pretty and he has trauma cool ill probably never have relations with this person"

• a week later morax adopts this yaksha and hes like "..oh no."

• VENTI HAS HAD A CRUSH ON XIAO SINCE THE ARCHON WAR. CANON.

• and xiao was too busy being a tool of war so only hundreds of years later (current genshin period) did he start gaining feelings

• zhongli and xiao respect each other immensely

• ...but god do they hate each others taste in men.

• "youre in love with barbatos?" *ew face* "with all due respect my lord, youre in love with a ginger."

• xiao treated venti like an authority early on which frustrated him lots

• "sorry its just.. when you speak, i feel so content just listening i almost forget i need to reply."

• venti doesnt get as frustrated after that.

ITTOROU😈🐶

• EARED-FOLK SOLIDARITY

• itto falls first. 100%. and he isnt subtle about it.

• "GO ON A DATE WITH ME!" "..okay?"

• though itto is a lot of things, romantic isnt one of em. ayato has to physically tell him "bro. gorou thinks this is platonic." so that dumbass realizes

• dumbass (affectionately, ofc)

• gorou hates when itto grabs at his tail randomly but one fine day itto decides to stroke it gently when theyre in private and

• gorou doesnt bat his hands away.

• the realization that gorou only hates it when its in public- ITTO HAS STRUCK GOLD.

• gorou has also wanted to touch ittos horns for the longest time but he knows how annoying it is to have ppl constantly asking and doesnt wanna be a bother.

• then one night when he thinks itto is asleep he presses his finger against the tip and

• ah.

• yk when you hyperfocus on something and logical thought goes out the window? THATS ONE OF GOROUS DOG TENDENCIES AND ITS SO CUTE

• GOROUS SUCH AN IDIOT FOR THAT OFC ITS SHARP AND OFC HES GONNA START BLEEDING

• anyway itto wakes up and gorou has to confess what he was doing and then itto lets him touch his horns as much as he wants.

• ittos usually the one to initiate affection and since the only nickname in his vocabulary is "dudebro" they dont use pet names until like a month in when itto loses a beetle fight and to cheer him up gorou goes

• "youll get em next time, right? bc youre my itto, the one and oni!"

• "...'your' itto?"

• "huh? wAIT NO-"

• itto was successfully cheered up that day.

• best nickname for gorou: "pup." $!_!_!!_?4!4

• ittos so big and gorous so small so one day itto holds something gorou wants up over his head and in frustration gorou deadass barks.

• AND THEN HE GETS SO EMBARRASSED AND IS LIKE "erase that sound from your memory... please..." BUT ITS TOO LATE

• big demon lil dog dynamic>>

THOMATO🍅

• TOMATOOOOOOO

• unrelated but thomas name shouldve been spelt tohma HES PERFECT IN EVERY WAY SHAPE AND FORM EXCEPT FOR THAT

• ayato misusing his authority is my favourite trope.

• (inspired by a fic by wormkinnie on ao3 they're literally such an inspiration and their itto fics are so in character go check them out)

• "thoma, i am asking as a friend-"

• "milord, as a friend, no."

• "ok"

• "now im asking as an employer."

• AYATO DOESNT EVEN HAVE A FACE BUT I ALR LOVE HIM

• "hey thoma, smile for me."

• "im sorry what?"

• "thats an order."

• thoma gets so flustered bc he cant disobey orders especially not ones directly from the head commissioner but- SISHRURU AYATO CMON

• thoma is the most perfect shoujo manga boyfriend. (real no clickbait)

• the first few times a yashiro commission guard thought it would be fine to badmouth thoma in front ayato,, ahaaa lets just say he was proven wrong in a way no one would ever forget

• ayato has no real care for if you badmouth anyone but god forbid it be ayaka or thoma; youre dead<3

• also this is obvious but thoma stopping him from overworking

• "go to bed." "only if you go with me."

• unrelated but thoma has survivors guilt too i said what i said

• just realized the red and blue lowkey looks like kaeluc I SWEAR IT ISNT

interested in hearing more of my headcanons or seeing more of my content? ;

[jeffwingxr]

can i just hear some of ur jeff winger thoughts. abt anything related to him. ur one of the only people ive seen who rly Gets It yknow

yes. thank you for this ask, i will talk about jeff literally anytime! i have such strong feelings about his character! which you can all probably tell by now lol!

jeff is bisexual. if you don’t agree, that’s totally okay, but i believe it. there’s genuine substance in the show that points to it, and i am confident that if this show was created a few years later, they would’ve explored his sexuality more. he’s kinda private about his sex life besides when it’s the focus of an episode anyway, so i’m of full belief that it could’ve just never came up, or jeff didn’t feel a need to bring it up. sometimes the group just doesn’t talk about certain things anyway.

i also don’t personally ship him with anyone. i don’t think through the show, (especially at the end), he was ever at a part of his life in which he could hold a stable relationship, and i appreciate his friendship dynamic with each character more than relationship-y. i don’t find anything wrong him having casual sex, or short-term like with slater, but a long term relationship was not something i believe he could’ve handled healthily during his time at greendale.

i love analyzing his friendships with everyone, because it’s clear he cares about each of them deeply, and his relationships with each are unique. i find this very telling about his character and his whole experience learning how to care about others. he didn’t have anyone really, truly caring about him before he came to greendale, and his adapting to an environment in which he is loved was certainly a change for him.

he grows to love his friends deeply despite being afraid to show vulnerability. he holds everyone at arms length and is very closed off due to his inexperience in letting people see the true him. he’s hid behind this persona of who he thought he should be- who he needed to be- for so long that in a way, he was getting to know himself as his friends were. lawyer jeff was alone in the world as he fought to survive, and gaining this found family at greendale taught him how to simply live his life freely.

this is pretty long already so if anyone has more specific asks i’ll totally delve into stuff further. also i got another ask that specifically mentioned dark topics related to jeff so i’ll talk about the darker things (his disordered eating, self-esteem issues, mental illness, etc) when i reply to that one :)

these are just my own thoughts on these few topics, and if anyone has alternative opinions that’s cool of course- and i’d totally love to hear/discuss them if you’re willing.

thank you for the ask! thank you so much for saying i’m one of the only ones you’ve seen that get it lol, that means a lot.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

MICKEYYYYYY MY LITTLE ANGEL we’re having a crying competition i fear i shed real tears reading this ………………..

I LOVE UUUUUUUU ALWAYS FOREVER ETERNALLY i’m gonna get right into it as always but first of all i need to cup ur face and look into ur eyes and tell u that EVERYYY single comment and reaction u bless me with makes me smile so wide all the time :((((( tysm as always for reading my silly little fics n for being so kind and thoughtful 👉👈 i am in fact Proposing satoru has competition we’re sitting on ur bed fighting over who gets to feed u soup smh ….. 😒😒😒 sadly he’s winning he keeps pushing me off the bed </3

MY BABBYYYYYYYYYYY:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( oh it feels sooo weird for him to be like this huh:((((((((((((((((((( look i am not immune to his charms anyway i think i would already have him wrapped up in a blanket i know he thinks he's strong or whatever but where there's a will there's a way okay he will be bundled up and in my lap like a baby bc that's what he is 

IMMEDIATELY SO REALLLL he IS a whole baby :(( i just think he needsss to be babied so bad he needs to be bundled up in a fluffy blanket he needs to be spooned he needs to be kissed silly it’s true. u could fix him mickey i truly believe it. this is how im imagining toru after ur done w him btw

"HONEY" WAHHHHHHHHHHHH i love that nickname it's so sweet (pun intended ig)

HADDDD TO MENTION THIS BC I AGREE AND I THINK IT’S THE GOJO PETNAME EVER? it’s my favorite for him bc i sincerely believe he would use every petname on planet earth for u BUT i think he would only call u honey when he’s feeling particularly vulnerable…. :(( sniffle. it’s just such a sweet silky lil petname and i think it would sound so pretty when he’s a little too tired to be cocky and he only has the energy to be your satoru yk….. he’s your beloved and you’re his beloved and it feels so right to call you honey bc u make everything feel so sweet ☹️☹️ i am mayyyyybe a little ill abt him but it’s fine we both are we’re chilling we’re down bad .. etc etc..

1000000% THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE TO BRING PEOPLE OVER OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT SO MUCH HE'S ALWAYS AT YOUR PLACE OR AT SUGU'S OR AT SHOKO'S HE'S NEVER AT HOME BC IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE HOME DOES IT? IT'S JUST A HOUSE FILLED WITH FURNITURE THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS ARE THE PEOPLE HE LOVES AND THEY'RE NOT THERE SO HE JUST DESPISES THE PLACE i think only his own room is fully decorated with figurines and pictures and i feel like he even keeps his game console in his room too and then the rest of the house is super bland. like genuinely feels like it's about to be sold or whatever. he even likes to shower at your place or sugu's or shoko's and i think that nobody would really even say anything about it. yeah. brainrot. i love him so much ari. i'm so glad we have him. he's baby and he deserves all of the love in the world. wait i rambled right after i read that "he doesn’t invite you over very often" so i'm only now getting to the next part and you're saying the same stuff.... WAIT ACTUALLY THOUGH YOU'RE SAYING THE SAME THINGS THAT IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S ABOUT TO BE SOLD WAIIITTT THIS SOUNDS WEIRD I PROMISE I DIDN'T READ THAT PART AH AND HIS BEDROOM TOO THE TRINKETS AND THE PICTURES AND THE CONSOLE ARI DO WE ACTUALLY SHARE A BRAIN WHAT THE FUCK

PHDJFJFJFJKFKFJ MICKEYYYYYYYY WE’RE SO GOOD???? WE’RE SO GREAT?????? OUR BRAINS ARE KISSING IT’S TRUEEEE THEY CAN’T KEEP THEIR HANDS OFF EACH OTHER no but i’m sooo glad we agree i think abt this constantly!!! ☹️☹️☹️ i really do think he’s the kind of person who’s super touchy and friendly and loud but his loneliness is so blatant when u finally spot it. he loves company and he loves his friends but when there’s no one else around his own sense of isolation is all he has. he’s incredibly closed off but it’s subtle, he SEEMS open and honest and that’s also why it’s so devastating when you notice it. satoru is the kind of friend you could know for years and consider yourself close to but then one day you belatedly realize that you don’t really know a single thing about him. the kind of person who loves being at your house and taking in every single detail because your home reveals so much of who you are as a person….. and then he has to leave and goes back to his own home and it’s just. empty. there’s nothing to look at.

yeahhhhhhhh he makes me feel kind of sick actually. HIS STRUGGLES ARE VERY PERSONAL TO ME so i always love getting the chance to depict them like this….. and to realize that ppl see him the same way!!! :’3 we are holding hands mickey. u and me and gojo. no but i think he’s very much like a stray cat who eats from the bowl you put out every night but doesn’t want to get too close, doesn’t want to enter your home and get too attached, doesn’t want to compromise himself… so he just sleeps under the hood of a car and looks into your home and the golden light seeping from it and dreams about what it would feel like to bask in it. (lighting strikes me down and kills me immediately)

😐 you will be punished for this. YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT. YOU CAN'T. TAKE IT BACK. RIGHT NOW! of course he doesn't want to part with it it's his sick best friend. they hold each other in the dark.

MICKEY WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUUUUUUUU DO U HAVE ANY IDEA HOW VIOLENTLY MY BRAIN COMBUSTED AFTER READING THIS 😭😭😭😭😭😭 IM NOT KIDDING I THINK I HEARD SOMETHING UNSCREW ITSELF IN MY HEAD you are a sick and twisted individual. (affectionate) no but genuinely how dare u write better than me in the rb of my own fic do u have no shame 😭😭😭 PHDKFJJD THEY HOLD EACH OTHER IN THE DARKKKK THEY DO at some point the monster under the bed almost starts to feel comforting doesn’t it…. like an old friend….. and it loves you back….. sigh. i honestly think satoru would rather stay in his loneliness where it’s safe than risk getting too attached and it’s so heartbreaking mickey :(( sighhhh. he makes me so sad …..

BIG DREAMY SIGHHHHHH should i call him my baby again or am i being too annoying already actually i couldn't care any lessMYY BABBYYYY:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( I NEED TO PAT HIS HEAD:(

mickey don’t ever feel ashamed for telling the truth HE’S OUR BABYYYYY and he deserves all the pats in the world ……. using this as an excuse to say. i think headpats are his weakness. he’s constantly patting ur head and his students’ heads and sugushoko’s heads but the moment u turn the tables on him he just kinda melts…. i’m weak for headpats too i know my own kind ok. i KNOW he purrs when u give him head rubs it’s simply in his blood he’s putty in ur hands immediately

actually this whole paragraph was insane you are one of a kind ari you know that? i'm so grateful we get to take a bite out of your art you're changing us all and i mean that

WAHHHHHHH I CRIEDDDDD MCIKEY U NEED TO STOP WHAT IF I GET A HEART ATTACK …. u r the sweetest always u say so many kind things all the time my heart can’t keep up sigh …. sniffling and hiccuping a bit. thamk u. T—T

WAILING LIKE A BABY RIGHT NOWWWW😭😭😭😭😭 HE JUST WANTS A HUG HE WANTS YOU TO PROTECT HIM HE WANTS YOU TO KEEP HIM SAFE HE WANTS TO FEEL YOU AGAINST HIM HE WANTS TO BE GREEDY HE WANTS YOUR LOVE OH MY GODDDDD

YOU GET ITTTTTTTTT ALWAYS HE’S A LOVING MACHINE …… i think he’s Wired to be a caretaker like it’s in his dna it’s in his blood but. a part of him.. a tiny lil part….. wants to be taken care of soooo badly. he’s scared of u bc u make him want to be greedy. u make him want a lot more than he feels he deserves. SIGHHHHH I’M SO TIRED this whole rb is just gonna be us making each other sad over satoru gojo huh …….

I LOVE HIM SOOOOO MUCHH ARI WHAT THE FUCKK your gojo is always so funny and so perfect thank you for sharing him with me i mean with us ig....

<3 <3 <3 my gojo is written specifically for u actually DON’T TELL ANYONE THO it’s a secret … no but i am in fact genuinely giggling + kicking my feet + twirling my hair at this i feel so giddy at the idea that u like my gojo he’s the loml i’m so happy that some gojo lovers like him T—T ….. he’s my cute little intimacy-fearing kittycat i need to pick him up by the scruff of his neck and squish his cheeks until he’s whining at me to stop

I AM SO HAPPY THAT HE'S ACTING INSUFFERABLE AGAIN YOU'RE SO RIGHT and i love you calling him a big blanket you know how i love my weighted blankets hehehehhehe

PUT THAT IN JUST FOR U BTW ‼️‼️ sprinkling in lil details for my beloved mutuals is my love language actually i am kissing u gently on the cheek :33

"HONEYBEE" 😭😭😭😭😭 HE WOULD HE SO WOULD CALL YOU THAT😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i wholeheartedly believe that he'd call you the most obscure fucking nicknames and well... i'd eat that shit up okay i would fucking love that............... 

RIGHT RIGHT RIGHTTTT…… mickey i knew !! i could trust u !!!!! he’s such a sucker for silly nicknames,….. sweet lil silly petnames that make u scoff and laugh and blush…… u are. his everything. his little honeybee. <3 <3 <3 i think that if u liked it he would go out of his way to come up w even MORE obscure silly petnames and he would get soo smug when it makes u laugh <333

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭you know him so well it feels so good to read ari!gojo like he's REALLLL THIS IS HIM!!!!!!!!! THIS IS THE GUY!!! you're so good you're wonderful you're amazing and i love u

MICKEY I LOVE U SO MUCHHHHHH my gojo is in Love w u btw he told me ………. he is staring at u adoringly he’s so smitten it makes him look silly. I’M SO HAPPY U LIKE HIM I LOVEEEEE UR GOJO SO MUCH TOO in my brain they r always holding hands they r friends :) little itty bitty kitty cats

and him thinking about all of the things you could do tomorrow:((((((( the crepes the arcade the theater i am just a puddle of goo it's very hard to type like this he wants to live with youuuuuuu:(((((

HE WANTS TO LIVE WITH UUU 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 sniffle …. personally i think gojo + the Concept Of Home is the best combo ever i just think he should be allowed to find a home for himself to find a place to rest his eyes !! a place where he feels safe …. sobbbbbb he just feels so safe with u. u are his home truly. i’m so emotional abt him it’s a little silly actually i am wiping ur tears while crying all over the place too …….. the grip he has on our sanity needs to be psychologically evaluated i think

ohhhh i could pick out so many more comments of urs bc there is never enough to say abt our little guy :’33 i do truly love him so much always and forever i’m alwayssss happy to fawn over him w u mickey.. at the end of the day he’s our baby. our little itty baby boy. sniffle …. tysm as always for being so sweet and thoughtful and funny i appreciate u so dearly T_T !! here is a palm sized kitty gojo for u as a treat he’s very nice and sweet <33 doesn’t even bite!! I LOVE YOUUUUUU <3 <3 <3

ask me to leave and i’ll stay forever ; satoru gojo

synopsis; satoru is stubborn; even when plagued by such a high fever, he insists there’s no need to take care of him. thankfully, you’re equally as stubborn.

word count; 10.8k

contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, implied non-sorcerer!reader, sickfic, reverse comfort, sickening amounts of fluff, lots of petnames, satoru gojo vs the mortifying ordeal of being loved, just a tinyyyy bit of angst if u rlly squint, literally just satoru being pampered for like 10k words straight, he’s cute when he’s sick but still manages to be a lil shit <33, he’s also a huge sap you have been warned!!

a/n; what can i say, im a proud member of the ”satoru gojo needs to be babied relentlessly” club <33 he’s just a little guy!! tagging @catchuuu my beloved for being the sweetest enjoy a healthy dose of sick sleepy satoru <33 i am tagging all toru enjoyers in spirit btw i love u all

you’ve never seen satoru like this before.

head buried into a big pillow, white locks tousled and sticking to his forehead — skin sweaty, hot to the touch, with a flushed face to match. heavy breaths fall from his parted lips, blinking in and out of consciousness, squeezing his eyes shut.

it’s nothing like the joyous, loud, cocky satoru you’re so used to. he’s weak. he’s fatigued.

he’s completely, undoubtedly sick.

”really, baby,” he slurs, raspy and dry. still attempting to raise himself up, arms straining under the weight of his shivering body. ”there’s no need f’ —”

unceremoniously, his limbs give out beneath him, and he tumbles right back down; a meek little wince escaping his throat as his face falls back into the mattress. the sound makes your heart squeeze tightly in your chest.

”ah. that’s…” he tries to speak, a disgruntled hum muffled by the sheets. ”… annoying.”

satoru sounds frustrated. you can tell he’s resisting the urge to close his eyes, a little helpless, unable to even move properly, like a fish out of water. he’s still breathing unevenly, still sweating, still burning up — you can practically feel it, from where you’re standing, crouched down by his bed.

you’ve never, ever seen satoru like this. you’ve seen him sniffling during flu season, wrecked with headaches during rainy season. you’ve seen him vulnerable; not many times, but enough that it matters. 

but you’ve never seen him like this.

(and it makes you terribly anxious.)

”satoru, please just —” you croak, gnawing at your bottom lip. trying desperately to swallow the worry in your chest. ”don’t overdo it. please?”

you can hear the anxious little timbre of your own voice, and you can feel the frown tugging at your lips. but you can’t do anything to quell the insistent pitter patter of your heartbeat, the ache that accompanies it. satoru’s lying down, still trying to gather the strength to reassure you, even through the feverish haze clouding his mind. 

he looks so small.

this wasn’t what you were expecting to see, today. you were expecting to meet up with satoru, and see his happy little grin, those tiny dimples and freckles that only show themselves in the light of the sun. you were expecting to feel the weight of his hand in yours, as you strolled down to the new crêpe stand he’s been wanting to check out since he first found their instagram account.

you were expecting to see him happy. healthy. a little obnoxious, a little annoying — but hopelessly sweet. all the love you could ever need, molded into a human shape. your little angel.

a sigh slips from your lips. you can’t help it; because satoru is just so stubborn, so closed off, and he can be such an idiot sometimes. you knew something was off the moment he sent you that text, asking you oh so charmingly, apologetically, if you could postpone your date for just an hour or so. you knew something was wrong, but he still wouldn’t let up until you brought out the 🥺 emojis. 

and then he told you he was fine. it’s all he ever is, apparently.

my throat’s just a little scratchy, is all. wouldn’t want you to miss out on the voice you love so much, yeah?

give me an hour and i’ll be perfect for you. <3

moron.

he’s curled up in a fetal position, trying to stop himself from shivering, muttering little reassurances under his breath that you can’t make out. wearing ripped jeans and a nice jacket, like he was fully prepared to head out like this — like he genuinely thought an hour, some painkillers and a dream would be enough to chase away a fever this severe. like he was so desperate to see you he was fully willing to take that risk.

moron. moron. he should’ve called you the moment he realized he was sick. instead, you had to coax him into letting you come over, with a flurry of sad and cute emojis you know make him go weak at the knees when they’re coming from you.

and here you are. in satoru’s house, in front of his bed, trying to convince him that he is, in fact, sick. 

but he just won’t listen.

”just — gimme a couple minutes, honey?” your boyfriend mumbles, barely coherent, stringing words together haphazardly. awfully dizzy. ”i just need the painkillers to kick in, i promise i —”

”satoru.”

there’s a sad tint to your voice, now. unmistakable. one that satoru notices, even through the feverish, muddy filter over his reality. 

and it makes him quiet down.

(he doesn’t want to disappoint you.)

as gently as you can, you settle down on the bed, eyes painfully softened. overflowing with care. towering over him, leaning close — to press your lips against his scorching forehead, brushing away his sweaty bangs with a palpable tenderness. your voice soothing, coming out almost as a low coo. you’re frustrated, and exasperated.

but most of all, you’re worried.

”go back to sleep,” you hum, a gentle command. your hand finds his, cold skin meeting warm, tracing circles over his palm. ”i’ll take care of you.”

”there’s no need,” he mutters, instantaneous. so used to denying kindness. 

but he curls an arm around your waist, anyway, tugging you closer; a little needy. like you’re much too far away for his liking. finally beginning to settle down, coaxed into resting by the soft touches your grace him with. it’s only a matter of time.

so you keep your lips against his forehead, cradling his slender fingers in yours, murmuring little whispered reassurances. and before you know it, his lashes have fluttered shut, like a white dove landing on the ground. he still looks so troubled, so meek. you can’t resist the urge to soothe him, hand cupping his face, thumb smoothing over the apple of his cheek. you watch him lean into it, eyes dripping with care. your poor baby. 

for a couple precious moments, you allow yourself to indulge in the sight. even like this, he looks a bit like an angel, a painting come to life. like one wrong brushstroke could smudge him. 

so you’re delicate, as you trace little hearts into his skin, delicate as you maneuver his body enough to peel the layers of clothing off him — leaving him in only an oversized tee and a pair of briefs. satoru can only whine, softly, so quiet you barely even hear him. so disoriented, on the brink of falling into a deep slumber. some part of him is trying to resist, you’re sure, still agonizing over the date he’s missing out on. as if anything matters more than his health.

but it doesn’t work. he can only let out a tiny groan, hopelessly pliant as you tuck him in, pulling a big blanket over his shoulders. you card through his hair, another soft kiss planted on his sweaty forehead — and your hand stays between his locks until you’re sure he’s asleep. his breathing mellows out, his grip around your waist loosens, seeking comfort from you even in his dreams.

you’d crawl under the blankets with him, but you have work to do.

stealing one final glance at your fever-ridden lover, your heartbeat ricochets. he still looks so meek, all warm and sweaty, shirt sticking to his skin. a frown tugs at your bottom lip.

satoru is always so stubborn, refusing to lean on others for support. you wish he had called you immediately, nagged at you to come baby him. sure, you might’ve sighed in faux exasperation, and teased him a little, but it still would’ve made you feel happy. useful. and you would’ve done it in a heartbeat. maybe, if you just prove that you can take care of him properly, he’ll do it next time.

so you stand up, leaning down to press your lips against his forehead one last time, and make your way towards the kitchen.

satoru’s house is spacious. a little too spacious, enough for at least three people to live in comfortably; nice furniture, an expensive sofa in the living room, a large tv you’re almost certain he only keeps around for white noise. such are the ways of the rich, you suppose. he doesn’t invite you over very often, so you’ve never had the chance to get very affiliated with the space. it’s always the other way around — him, waiting for you on the couch when you get home, chirping out an unconvincing don’t even worry about it, baby! when you ask how he got in without a key. or him, showing up at your doorstep in the middle of the night, filling the sleepy silence with jokes to distract you from the bags under his eyes.

(he likes it when you cling to him in your sleep — he sleeps a lot better that way. that’s what he told you, at least, when you brought him coffee in bed that one time. a little glimmer of honesty.)

he stays over so often he might as well just move in, but you aren’t really sure how to even approach that subject. some part of you fears it’d be too much, too intimate, that he’d pack his bags and run away. bringing all his secrets with him, that soft laughter you’ve grown so fond of. so you figure it’s better to let him make a home out of yours, let him curl up on your couch and snack on the candy you hid in your kitchen cabinets. that’s safe for him.

and now that you’ve seen his home up close — if you can even call it that — you think you’re starting to understand his preference. because it’s spacious, yes, but also empty. save for expensive furniture and fake houseplants, there isn’t anything to indicate that the apartment belongs to him, that he feels comfortable there. like he hasn’t even bothered to make it his. like it’s about to be sold, and you’re just one of the potential buyers, checking the place out. admiring the patterns of the floorboards and the walls.

it doesn’t feel like satoru at all. 

his own bedroom was another story, a much more pleasant one. a lot more satoru. filled with little trinkets, key charms and souvenirs and silly figurines. a framed photo of three students by the windowsill, an old uniform hanging by his closet, socks strewn about here and there. a dying houseplant. comic books and movie posters and a ps5 you don’t think he’s touched since he finished spiderman 2. a king sized bed, that makes him look like a spoiled little princess when he’s lying in it, next to a cat plushie you won for him at a fair. knowing he actually sleeps with it kind of makes you want to cry.

there’s this particular scent, too, lingering in the air. mellow, nostalgic, the kind that soothes you with just a whiff; a blend between sunlight, expensive cologne, and something sweet. it clings to all his favorite clothes, to his skin. you’d live in it if you could. 

something constricts, inside your chest — like thorny vines strangling your beating heart, pressing down ever so slightly. just thinking about it, about him, about his distressed expression as his head hit the pillow. making your way over to his kitchen, getting yourself affiliated with the space, preparing to make a good soup for his fever. the fridge is almost empty, save for sweets and that one drink you like. the takeout boxes on his kitchen table tells you all you need to know.

it only makes you worry more.

luckily, you were clever enough to buy your own ingredients on the way here. chop, chop, into tiny little pieces. chicken soup should help, shouldn’t it? it’s all you can focus on, all you can hope for. anything is fine; you just want to help him, be of use somehow. he does so much for you.

you just want to give some of it back.

satoru’s loneliness is a subtle thing. flexible, alert, slipping away at the slightest sign of knowing eyes. for someone who’s so often surrounded by people, cracking jokes and laughing louder than anyone else, he doesn’t seem to make any noise when he’s alone. he curls into himself, just a bit, and a kind of reminiscence smooths over the contours of his face. 

that’s when you see him. that lonely, lonely guy. resigned to his self-imposed isolation, paradoxically yearning for something more. watching as the cherry trees bloom, like they’ll give him the answers he seeks once they bear fruit.

but the moment you come into view, he smiles. knowing you won’t push it — that you’ll let him take his time. that you’ll let him flee, just a little. 

still, you can’t help but wish he’d lean on you a little more. you wish you could chase his loneliness away with a pitchfork, but it’s a fickle creature. you somehow doubt he wants to part with it. 

all you can do is love him. love him, love him, and love him some more; until he’s had his fill.

(you’re not sure he ever will. it’s a good thing, a very good thing, because you’re almost certain you’ll never run out.) 

and that’s why you’re here. in his ghost of a home, his kitchen, pouring water into a large pot. tender, sprinkling love over every single action, every slice and dice, every piece of chicken and veggies thrown into the boiling water. you try and you try, hoping it’ll reach him.

but before you can make another attempt, something reaches you, instead.

two long arms curl around your waist, suddenly, something warm and soft pressing itself against your back. and you almost flinch, completely caught up in the stirring of the soup, unsure of how much time has passed since you began. it jolts you out of your thoughts. 

you know who it is, though. never mind the fact that he’s the only other person in the apartment; you know it’s him by his touch alone, the weight of his arms, that particular scent that surrounds him. like memories of summer.

it’s awfully sweet, the way he clings to you, the soft little blissful sigh that slips from his lips. but before you can feel moved at the domesticity of the gesture, worry clouds your senses. he doesn’t even get the chance to speak.

”satoru —” you place a palm on his forearm, craning your head to look back at him. his forehead rests against your shoulder, and his eyes are closed. he’s still so warm, too warm. ”what are you doing here? you should be resting.” 

your boyfriend mumbles something, under his breath, something that your ears can’t quite digest. he shifts, a little, as if getting ready to put on some sort of act — to smile and joke, or laugh and tease you. you can imagine what he’d say if he wasn’t in such a feverish state; he’d hug you from behind, a low purr of what’cha up to? whispered right into your ear. then you’d jolt, and he’d giggle sheepishly, satisfied with the reaction.

but now, all he can do is cough. still leaning against you, gripping onto your midriff a little more desperately than usual. you step away from the stove, turning around, making sure your hands never leave his. looking up at him with concern in your eyes, noticing his little frown.

”c’mon, you need to lie down.” you reach for his cheek, cupping it in your palm, and he practically melts into it. enjoying the chilly sensation to his fever-ridden skin. “the soup’ll be finished soon, okay?”

”… you made,” he tries, syllables falling from his lips haphazardly. ”soup —” a series of coughs. they cut him off, and the worry in your chest only deepens. 

“don’t push yourself, okay? you’re really sick, dummy.” satoru pouts, but doesn’t say anything, only clinging to you tighter when you usher him away. “let’s go back to your room, alright?”

but he won’t budge. he’s so sleepy, so sick and delirious, putting all his body weight on you. you try your best not to stumble beneath it.

”honey,” you plead, holding him securely in your embrace. his arms around your waist, your hands on his shoulders. ”work with me, please? just gotta get you back to bed —”

”’s…” he whispers, suddenly, a raspy little thing. scratchy, meek, awfully earnest; you wonder if he’s too sick not to be. ”… too lonely without you.” 

a moment passes. your breath hitches pitifully, at the base of your throat.

satoru is hugging you so tightly, as if you could disappear at any moment, slip away if he doesn’t keep you close. he’s holding you as if pleading for comfort, for a touch of safety. as if he needs you. if his meek little admission hadn’t already melted your heart the marrow, that thought certainly would’ve done the job.

taking a moment to collect yourself, you inhale, face surely aflame. satoru just nuzzles into your shoulder, too tired to say anything else, wanting to be close to you. it’s a wonder your knees don’t buckle.

gently, you let your hand trail upwards, palm smoothing down his hair. softly, like he’s a clingy, overgrown cat. ”sorry,” you start, just a little breathless. ”i’ll be with you, okay? won’t leave you alone. i promise.”

there’s an earnesty in your words that you doubt you could ever fake. satoru must hear it too, you think, because he finally begins to work with you. allowing you to stumble towards his bedroom, supporting his weight.

but once you make it to his bed, he still refuses to let go of you.

”toru, gotta go finish that soup. ’n make you some tea.” you rub his back, soothingly, as he nuzzles into the crook of your neck. shaking his head and emitting a throaty groan, only squeezing you tighter when you try to guide him under the covers. how cruel of him, to act so cute when said soup is most likely boiling over by the stove. ”please, sweetie? it won’t take long. i promise. you can go back to sleep.”

another groggy huff. you’re both still standing by the edge of the bed, and satoru still won’t let you leave. all you can do is sigh, smearing a little kiss against his neck. 

he squirms, ever so slightly, and you get an idea.

so you keep pressing little kisses against his skin, knowing just how to make him melt. feeling him relax in your embrace, snuggle into your chest, so pliant that he lets you tuck him in — as long as your lips stay pressed against his jaw. before he can realize what’s happening, you grab hold of the blanket, draping it over him; his half-lidded eyes blinking up at you. you press a final kiss against his forehead, grabbing the cat plushie from the edge of the bed and placing it close enough for satoru to reach if need be.

”i’ll hurry, toru. be a good boy and stay here, alright?” 

a teasing lilt sneaks into your voice, coaxed out by how adorable your boyfriend looks like this; baby blue eyes all droopy, snowy hair messy as it falls across the cushion he’s resting on. blinking sluggishly, grunting a little in response. 

when you scurry off the bed and make your way towards the door, you glance back at him. he’s still looking in your direction, with half-lidded eyes, and your chest aches. ”i’ll be back soon, baby,” you try to soothe him. “try to sleep.”

this time, you hurry. body working almost on autopilot, images of your boyfriend still tugging at your heartstrings like he’s arranging an orchestra, moving your legs forward. before you know it, you’re walking back, carrying a tray with both your hands. steam wafts up from the hot soup and the warm cup of tea, shaking a little as you walk, a pair of painkillers in your pocket. just in case he needs more. an eager, pulsating joy rushes through your veins — now you can be with him, tend to him, not leave him alone in a room so like him you wish you could stay there forever. 

your footsteps are light, almost careful as they cross the threshold. satoru stirs, waiting for you to come to his side, looking like a kicked puppy in his giant bed. he tries to lift himself up, but it looks like it requires an intense amount of focus, like his elbows could buckle any second. 

”careful,” you croon, hurrying over, placing the tray on the nightstand. gently pushing him back down on the mattress. he complies almost instantly, too out of it to put up a real fight. staring at you, as if in awe.

to satoru, you appear almost as an angel, a somewhat blurry figure that he recognizes without looking. your very presence is soothing, like a lullaby in human form. with the hazy filter clouding his mind, he can’t even seem to form words correctly — all satoru can focus on is you. your movements, the lilt of your voice, a cold hand dulling the heat of his forehead.  

his fever still hasn’t gone down. you try and muster a smile, but you’re sure it must look painfully coated in unease. crouching down, you place your elbows on the bed, your jaw meeting the mattress. you’re at eye level with him, now.

”hey,” you start, low and comforting. you don’t want to be too loud. ”sorry it took so long.”

using what little energy he has left, satoru crosses the distance between you, inching closer and closer. noticing it, you reach a hand out to cup his cheek — lips quick to find his forehead. a barely audible sigh leaves him, and you smile.

”d’you think you can eat?” you whisper, gazing at him fondly. treating him a little like a baby, maybe, but you can’t help it when he’s like this. quiet as a mouse. ”i made soup and tea… sound okay?”

he tries to make a noise. it comes out sounding like a strange blend between a dissatisfied groan and an affirming hum, but he still ends up nodding slightly. you wonder if indulging you is ingrained into his bone structure. 

”… okay. think you can sit up, toru?”

once again, your boyfriend only hums — but he does begin to move, trying to hoist himself up, wobbling pitifully. you help, keeping him steady until his spine meets the headboard. slumped against it, he blinks slowly, feverishly.

”thank you.” you press a chaste kiss against his cheek, before reaching for the cup of tea, the scent of chamomile and lavender filling your senses. you blow on it softly. ”here. it should help with your throat, so try to drink a bit, okay? s’ got honey in it.”

silently, he accepts the cup, bringing it to his lips. when he takes a sip, you catch the slightest hint of a grimace on his lips; even with your warning of careful, it’s hot, you think he must have managed to burn his tongue. 

satoru keeps his thoughts to himself, not wanting to worry you. but he can’t say bringing himself to drink it is an easy endeavor, with how sweaty it makes him feel, how it forces him to acknowledge how painfully dry his throat is. how he can’t even taste the herbs.

he wants to be good for you, though.

so he gulps it down, slowly, managing to sip almost all of it until you decide to give him a break. compared to this morning, he already feels just a little better, a little less like he’s in a fever dream. you’re sitting by the bedside, so patient, so caring. he can’t take his eyes off you, even now. clearing his throat, attempting to get used to speaking again. ”thanks.”

the mutter sounds strained, but slightly easier on the ears, easier to make out than before. courtesy of the honey, you assume. gosh, you hadn’t realized you’d begun to miss his voice so much. 

”no problem,” you hum, reaching over to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. “think you can eat something? or is that too much?”

”’course,” he croaks. there’s a slight sense of liveliness in his eyes that wasn’t there before, but before he can continue, he’s caught off by a small coughing fit. harmless, but sufficient in making you worry. 

”no need to force yourself,” you soothe, patting down his head, watching as he quiets down. the tea might’ve given him a temporary energy boost, but you still don’t want him to overdo it. “just relax, satoru.”

he hums, weakly, and you reward him with a light ruffle of his hair. then you direct your attention to the soup on the nightstand, still hot, smelling of vegetable broth and fresh chicken and coriander. you bring the bowl down to your lap, and take a spoonful of the soup, blowing on it like you did with the tea. bringing it towards his lips. 

”i dunno if it’ll taste very good,” you admit, scratching absently at the back of your neck. ”but it should help with the fever, at least. i’d be happy if you could eat a bit.”

as his lips make contact with the metal of the spoon, satoru can’t help but let himself be swept away. he still feels a little too hazy, too feverish to really comprehend what’s happening; he feels oddly bare like this, vulnerable, a little afraid of what might come out of his mouth if he doesn’t keep it shut. so he opts to accept the treatment he’s receiving, not putting up a fight or making a fuss. not meeting your expectant eyes.

(he feels a little shy, being spoonfed by you. how very unlike him.)

the soup does feel soothing. he thinks he can even get a sense of the taste, how hard you must’ve worked on it. but more than anything, the way you’re acting is like balm to his soul — looking at him so kindly, treating him so tenderly. offering him spoon after spoon with gentle words of encouragement. being babied in such a way makes him feel so oddly content that he’s almost embarrassed. it should be the other way around. 

yet here you are, spoonfeeding him soup that you made yourself, because he’s sick, even though he hates to admit it, and you care about him. he allows the information to linger in the back of his head, for a while, wallowing in the comfort it brings him. fully comprehending it would take too much of a toll on him, in this state. 

satoru basks in the intimacy of the situation, and so do you. brushing strands of hair away when they stick to his skin, pressing your lips against his forehead to check his temperature. you keep doing it until satoru’s appetite dwindles.

”alright, that should be fine —” you glance down at the bowl, now roughly half-empty. more than enough, you think. ”uhh… how do you feel?”

”… better,” satoru answers, truthfully, the ghost of a smile on his glossy lips. ”thank you.”

for a second, you only stare, saying nothing. there’s something in satoru’s expression that catches you off guard, something that’s a little hard to identify. is it the way the light reflects off his skin, his pupils? the red, feverish flush of his skin? that flimsy little smile? or is it the honesty in his eyes, the way he’s looking at you like he’s trying to convey something he can’t put into words? 

as you look at him, take him in, the boy you love so dearly, you can’t help but feel like he just carved open his chest — let you peek inside his ribcage. it’s hard not to feel flustered, in the presence of something so vulnerable.

and he’s thanking you. as if taking care of him is a great burden, a chore, something you’d demand gratitude for. you want to tell him that it’s the bare minimum, the very least of what he deserves. the very least of what you could, should do for him.

you want to tell him that he’s safe, here. that there’s no need to be the strongest, whatever the hell that means, that he can let go of the burdens you know he hides from you. that he can just be your sick, terribly stubborn boyfriend.

”… okay,” is all you breathe out, every other word getting stuck in the back of your throat. ”that’s good.”

satoru’s fingers curl around yours, suddenly, where they lay on your lap. his movements are still a little groggy, disoriented, as he brings your hand up to his lips. they’re warm and soft, especially so in light of his fever. he closes his eyes, white lashes catching the light of the sun, flitting in through the haphazardly closed blinds. your heartbeat stutters.

”… love you,” he mutters. a soft little thing. your eyes don’t leave his face. and your lips part before your brain can instruct them to.

”i love you too,” you blurt out, instantaneous. like you couldn’t bear to keep him waiting, even for a second. ”… satoru.”

he smiles against your skin. he always does, at the sound of those words. you make him feel so terribly, terribly weak, all the time, everyday. you make him feel so human, and he can’t bring himself to think of it as a bad thing anymore. 

he’s still cradling your hand when he brings it down to the blanket. ”thanks for coming,” he continues, pushing himself. trying to get the words out while he still has the energy to say them. “you didn’t have to.”

they’re a little clumsy, a little stale on his tongue, but they’re honest. he is thankful — the prospect of being seen like this is discomforting, gruelingly so, but he doesn’t mind nearly as much if it’s you. he’d never tell you, but he did feel just a little lonely, when he woke up this morning. disoriented, enveloped by hot flashes of pain, in a way he’s not used to in the slightest. missing out on your date, too, that he had been looking forward to ever since you decided on a time. 

but, as if sensing it, you came to his rescue. the feeling of your lips on his skin was the first sensation he felt, when he woke up for the second time — with you by his side, this time. his guardian angel, carrying the scent of spring with you. a memory of a certain boy, of better times. 

(satoru thinks you’re nostalgia personified. he likes to imagine that you met as children, underneath a cherry tree somewhere, but he knows it’s not true. there’s no way he wouldn’t remember you.)

you smile. pleased, at his show of vulnerability, small as it may be. ”i wanted to,” you assure him. equally honest, equally full of double meanings and hidden messages that neither of you need to uncover to understand. ”… i care about you. of course i’d come.”

a light, raspy chuckle; that’s all satoru manages to vocalize. his mind is stuffed, and there’s an ache in his chest, longing to be filled. it’s been there for a while now. but somehow, you seem to fill it up, slowly but surely, almost effortlessly — with every sound you make, every slight movement, every flicker of an expression on your face. everything seems so effortlessly perfect, in his eyes.

the words leave his lips before his mind can think the thought to reel them back in. 

”what did i do to deserve you…?”

you blink. a moment passes.

then your eyes soften, considerably so, crumbling at the corners like the cookies satoru loves so much. he’s looking at you, eyes soft in a similar sense, layered over with adoration. you think the love inside your chest might crawl out of your throat and eat him alive.

you give him a chuckle of your own, quivering slightly. terribly fond. this time, you’re the one who drags his hand up to meet your lips; kissing his knuckle softly. his breath hitches.

”i’m the one who should be saying that to you,” you grin, a little weakly. and you mean it. you don’t think you’ve ever meant anything more. 

it’s so honest that it strikes a cord right down his heart, more heat than the fever can account for rushing to his cheeks. satoru hopes you don’t notice it. all he can do is squeeze your fingers, lightly, not trusting his voice not to break. silence lingers, and you only gaze at him softly. 

”… do you want anything else?” you finally ask, with a tilt of your head. still so eager to assist, racking your brain to come up with anything else to do for him. ”i’ll get it for you, no matter what it is.”

and, truthfully, satoru thinks you’ve done more than enough. more than he could ever make up for. but he’s always been greedy, and there’s one thing, only one thing, one thing he can’t help but ask for. something he craves more than anything. he can’t help but indulge himself, indulge in his selfishness, in the need to feel your skin against his. 

so he stretches his arms out, and looks at you with a distinctly needy glint in his eyes. his fingers move in a grabby motion, almost unconsciously, and he might’ve been embarrassed if he wasn’t still so feverish. all he wants is to keep you close, to make the hollowness inside his chest dissipate. you always make that lonely feeling go away.

needless to say, you heed his request. almost instantly, your heart pumping in a steady rhythm, with this visceral desire to keep him close, to protect him. and who are you to resist, when he’s asking you for it himself?

you waste no time crawling beneath the covers, situating yourself right next to your lover. only then do you finally, finally, reach your arms out to pull him close; so close you feel the heat of his skin, the beat of his heart. his cheek meets the softness of your chest, snuggling closer, and you card a hand through his soft locks. his arms reach around your midriff, a perfect puzzle piece, and he releases an audible sigh — deep and satisfied. in his tired, clingy state, he subconsciously throws a leg over yours, trapping you further. 

you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

finally, satoru can fall asleep. with the fever still clouding his senses, and your nimble fingers smoothing along his scalp, the occasional kiss to his head as he listens to your soft heartbeat, he’s drifted off before either of you know it. melting into you, into your warm embrace, cheek squished against your chest. tiny little breaths fall from his lips, and you feel like you’re cradling the whole world in your arms. 

you’re relieved. making yourself comfortable on your back, with satoru sleeping soundly on top of you, hoping he’ll feel better when he wakes up. careful, even with your breathing, intent on letting him sleep. knowing he doesn’t get nearly as much rest as he should, most days. 

before long, even you succumb to the cozy atmosphere, gradually dozing off. satoru is always warm, even more so now, and his weight is comforting.

stifling a yawn, you tug him a little bit closer, allowing your eyes to flutter shut. you could use a day of catching up on lost sleep, too.

when you wake up, you’re acutely aware of something poking your cheek.

it’s a ticklish sensation, sort of irritating, and it rouses you from your cozy slumber. disgruntled, so cruelly ripped away from your sweet dreams — satoru was in it, you think. you feel robbed.

still, you can’t be too mad. not when the real deal is right in front of you, eyes crinkled and full of warmth, a teasing smile on his lips. he’s still snuggled into your chest, all cozy and cute, as you lay on your back, propped up by a myriad of fluffy pillows. he looks up at you adoringly.

”well hello there,” he purrs, shooting a giddy little grin your way. still poking your cheek. ”wakey-wakey, sunshine!”

a series of blinks. you stir a little further, the sleepy haze of your brain beginning to slip off, slowly but surely. it takes a couple of seconds for you to remember why you’re here, what happened before you fell asleep. 

”… hey,” you greet, at last, stifling a yawn and squeezing your eyes shut. stretching lazily, like a sleepy cat. ”how do you feel…?”

”i’m perfect. better than perfect, actually,” satoru chirps, a little cheeky, hoisting himself up so that he’s hovering above you. a hint of mischief in those pretty eyes. ”you’re a good nurse, y’know?”

you huff out a chuckle. as always, his actions reveal more than his words — you could tell he felt a lot better the moment you saw his smile, heard how he formed his words. “alright, that’s good,” you hum, exhaling softly. ”how long was i asleep? what time is it?”

”i woke up just now, too,” satoru lies, albeit a small one. he did wake up recently, only to spend what he thinks must’ve been at least fifteen minutes staring at you until he physically couldn’t take it anymore. he had to hear your voice, see your smile. it’s a personal record for him; usually he spends less time admiring your peaceful expression, far too eager to speak to you.

”it’s pretty late,” he continues, another small lie. pleased with himself. ”way too late for you to go back, actually. how about you spend the night?”

another blink, your eyelids heavy and droopy as they open and close. then you’re reaching for your phone on the nightstand, and checking the time. a smile is quick to bloom on your lips, teasing and bubbly, as you tilt your head to meet his gaze.

”it’s only four, satoru.”

”way, way too late,” he only reaffirms, flopping down on top of you again, keeping you from leaving. ”god knows what kinda creeps are out there at this hour — much too unsafe. i’m just looking out for you, baby.”

”of course,” you indulge him, a sly little roll of your eyes that makes him pout. ”you know i was planning on staying over anyway, right?”

”well, of course! i wouldn’t expect anything less from my favorite nurse.”

his eyes betray his words, gleaming with a sudden colour of excitement, all glitter and relief. a joy that clogs up his throat like seafoam, and spills out from his lips. you look down at him, for a second, unable to resist the temptation — reaching for his forehead with the back of your hand. 

it’s significantly less scalding, now. 

you let out a sigh, laced with relief, one you didn’t know you’d been holding in. ”it really has gone down,” you hum, stretching the sleep from your limbs again. “that’s good.”

satoru huffs. ”i said i was perfect, right? don’t you trust me, my sweet lover?”

”i never know with you,” you give him a huff of your own, exasperated. fond. “you said you were just fine this morning, too.”

”i was!” he whines. piling up lie after lie. “i totally could’ve made it to that date, you know. i got worse because you had no faith in my abilities.”

”right. of course.” you shoot him a lopsided grin. ”you just don’t wanna admit the fever beat your ass, huh?”

”see? no faith.” a chuckle slips from your lips, and satoru has to bite back a smile. ”unbelievable. i fought that fever off just for you, and here you are, laughing at me.”

”oh? i thought it was thanks to my top notch nursing skills?”

”well, that too! but it was mostly me.”

a sigh. “whatever you say.” then you’re smiling, once more, unable to help yourself. eyes crinkled at the edges, soft around the corners. ”i’m just glad you’re better. i was worried.”

satoru pouts, again, but you can tell he acknowledges it — your earnest concern. this is how you love, the both of you, through words that never say it all and actions that say the words your mouths can’t fit. decoding the meaning of it all in silent gestures, glints in your eyes. little truth games.

”you really thought a lil’ fever was gonna be enough to keep me down?” he shakes his head once, then twice. and you know that what he means to say is i never want you to worry. “c’mon, now, baby.”

another lighthearted roll of your eyes. ”yeah, yeah, yeah. my sincerest apologies, my strong, stubborn, totally-not-sick boyfriend.”

”don’t you mean your strong, perfect, beautiful, clever, flawless, totally-not-sick boyfriend?”

”don’t think i didn’t notice you sneaking the stubborn out of there.”

”hehe.”

a silent moment passes, something tender filling up the space between your words. satoru’s weight is still so comforting, like a big blanket, his arms enveloping you as he breathes in your scent. you’re so happy that he’s acting insufferable again.

”alright, my honeybee,” he suddenly chirps, breaking the silence, hoisting himself up. ”time to go. we can still get those crêpes if we hurry.”

you blink. once, then twice.

”… satoru.”

”yeah? what’s up?”

you give him an unimpressed look, gazing up at him, towering over you like he fully thought you’d be alright with letting him leave. ”you’re… not going out today,” you deadpan. “you know that, right?”

this time, he’s the one who blinks. once, then twice.

”huh? why not?”

”uh, because you’re sick, maybe?”

”what?” satoru pretends to be shocked, offended, as if he can’t believe you’d even suggest something so outrageous. ”i’m all better, though!”

you raise an eyebrow, thoroughly displeased. all better? ”your fever isn’t gone, satoru. it’s just not horrible anymore. you’ll get yourself even more sick if you go out now.”

”i won’t! seriously!” he insists, looking down at you with a sorry attempt at puppy dog eyes. ”i feel good enough to run a marathon!”

”you’re not doing that either,” you mutter. then a sigh, exasperated. you can’t let this charade go on for too long. ”come on, satoru — don’t be so stubborn. we can go there another time.”

”but —”

”besides, didn’t you say i have to spend the night because it’s too late to go outside? remember the creeps?” there’s amusement in your voice, a light smile on your lips. ”what if they get us?”

”well, they obviously won’t get you while i’m there,” he huffs. ”what, you don’t think i can protect you properly? you’re hurting me, angel.”

you bite back an incredulous laugh. god, he’s stubborn. you’re so in love with him you just barely restrain the urge to pull him in for a kiss.

”sa-to-ru,” you coo, dragging each syllable out, sending a shiver down his spine. ”we’re not going outside. end of discussion.”

”why not, though?” he continues to pout, still refusing to give in. resorting to cheap guilt-tripping. ”don’t you wanna go on a date with me? you don’t want to see me happy, is that it?”

you only sigh, thoroughly exasperated, reaching up to cup his cheek nonetheless. he nuzzles into it. ”you’re such a baby.”

”your baby.”

another sigh, to mask your adoration. at this rate, the back and forth will never end, so you scramble for solutions.

“can’t we just have our date here?” you suggest, after some contemplation. ”i bought some ice cream on my way here. we could watch a movie, or something. isn’t that enough?”

satoru’s eyes bore into yours. contemplative, as he lets the silence linger, gears turning inside his mind. he wants to go outside with you, wants to hold your hand and hear you hum happily as you bite into your crêpe; wants to steal a bite when you’re not looking.

but it is a tempting offer. you could eat ice cream, and binge a bunch of movies, and he could rest his head in your lap. coax you into playing with his hair.

(he’s maybe, just maybe, a little bit tired, too.)

so, finally, he sighs — softly. in resignation. 

”… well, i guess that’s fine,” he pouts, allowing himself to fall back into your embrace. his voice is muffled, as he nuzzles into the crook of your neck. ”i wanted crêpes, though…”

”i’ll get you your crepes,” you assure him, relieved to have reached a compromise. ”i can go buy ’em myself and come back. then we —”

”no, no, no!” satoru suddenly interjects. whining, tugging you closer. ”you’re not going anywhere. not without me!”

a sigh, just as adoring as it is fatigued. ”then i’ll… order crêpes, or something. or we’ll eat ice cream today and then crêpes when you’re better. does that sound okay?”

satoru is silent, for a while.

”… okay,” he hums. ”that’s fine.”

”haah. okay, good —”

”however!” 

you give him a look, a silent what now? that has him smiling. shuffling a little, in your embrace, planting his jaw on top of your chest and gazing up at you with a grin. ”instead of the crêpes, i want a kiss.”

you blink. exasperated, as an amused chuckle follows. ”so convoluted. you can just ask, you know?” you don’t give him time to answer, eager to appease the pouty man. ”whatever.” 

leaning in, you press a chaste kiss to his cheek. sweet and soft. to your surprise, he’s still pouting when you pull away. ”i meant on the lips,” he explains, as if it was obvious. 

a tilt of your head. 

”… but you’re sick.”

”so?” satoru just pouts, expression practically etched into his face at this point. ”you won’t kiss me anymore? just cause i’ve got a tiny, miniscule fever?” he huffs, turning his head to the right and shutting his eyes. ”if you don’t love me anymore, you can just say that.”

another sigh leaves your lips. he’s so ridiculous. you can’t really deny him, though.

”… fine. it’s your fault if i get sick, though.”

in the blink of an eye, he’s perked right back up. wagging his non-existent tail, closing his eyes and waiting for you to try again. silly.

but you relent. his lips are only slightly warmer than usual, and you choose to see it as the good sign it is, proof that his fever truly is starting to dissipate. you feel satoru relax, melting into the kiss, but before it can drag out too long you’ve pulled away. ”— there. happy now?” 

”for now,” he quips, equally teasing. he’s cute, though. a little kiss or two is a small price to pay for the spark of joy in his iris, even if it ends with you sick on your deathbed in a couple of days. 

”that’ll do,” you grin, hoisting yourself up with your elbows, carrying satoru with you, his jaw still on your chest. ”wanna go eat some ice cream, mr unreasonable?”

you don’t really need an answer. of course satoru wants ice cream. you’ve never seen him turn down anything sweet — and, lo and behold, he perks up again, getting into a sitting position. like an excited puppy. 

”got it,” you chuckle, stopping to think for a moment. “there’s soup left, too. but maybe you’d rather order something? it turned out kinda so-so.”

satoru gapes. ”you kidding? that was the best soup i’ve ever had!” 

his exclamation makes you roll your eyes, words so coated in confidence that you almost want to believe him. ”satoru. you don’t have to lie.”

”i’m not!”

”you couldn’t even taste it.”

”i could, i could!” he stubbornly whines. ”i tasted all your love. every single drop!”

you give him a look. he only grins at you, a little teasing, a little giddy. you can’t help but feel a bit embarrassed; averting your gaze with a sharp scoff, trying to appear unbothered. ”yeah? and how did my love taste?”

satoru leans forward. it’s sudden, and you blink, instinctively leaning back in turn. he’s wearing a signature smirk when he stops moving, close enough that you feel his breath on your skin. hot.

”delicious,” he purrs, glancing down at your lips. blue eyes gleaming with mirth. ”best thing i’ve ever had.”

you know he’s just trying to fluster you, so you try to fight against it, but it doesn’t work nearly as well as you’d like — crumbling under his gaze, averting your own with a quiet huff. and he lets you off the hook, satisfied with your embarrassed expression. pulling back slightly, letting you breathe. 

as swiftly as you can, you regain your composure. clearing your throat. ”well, you can have more of it later, then,” you make a move to get off the bed. ”let’s go eat ice cream.”

after being caged in by satoru for so long, your limbs are a little stiff, caught under the weight of his boundless love. when your feet hit the soft flooring, you stretch them out, watching satoru follow your lead. still clad in that sweaty shirt.

”you should probably get a change of clothes,” you suggest, exhaling as your muscles loosen up. ”you’ve been wearing that shirt all day.”

”oh? is that an excuse to see me out of it, sweetheart?” satoru grins, fresh mischief gleaming in his eyes. ”you know you can always just ask.” 

you huff out a sardonic breath. ”yeah, yeah, whatever. throw on a hoodie or something, weirdo.” you stifle a giggle when he makes an offended noise behind you. “and some pants.”

”you don’t like the underwear?” he looks towards the corner of the room, studying himself in the mirror. “this is an expensive brand, you know?”

”you’re the only person on planet earth who’d give a fuck about underwear brands,” you scoff, a little snarky. ”just — put some comfortable clothes on, okay? i’ll go get the ice cream ready.”

”wait!” he exclaims, attaching himself to you, curling his arms around your bicep. “you’re not allowed to go anywhere without me, remember?” 

“… okay, okay. hurry up and get changed, then.”

sitting back down on the bed, while satoru walks towards the closet, you scroll through your phone — refusing to meet his expectant stare. he wants you to look over, you’re well aware, just so he can tease you for trying to sneak a peek. but you’re not falling for it this time. 

when he’s done, he’s wearing a comfy hoodie and some sweatpants. it’s a good look on him, casual and cozy. awfully cute. he wastes no time in attaching himself to you, again, an arm linked with yours as you travel to the kitchen; grabbing the pints of ice cream from the freezer, a couple snack bags from the drawers, before plopping down on the couch.

satoru maneuvers you into his lap, and you don’t put up a fight, leaning into him as your back meets his chest. he keeps you locked in place, arms around your waist, planting his jaw on the top of your head. and he relaxes, comforted by your smaller body pressed up against his. holding you so close satisfies a certain protective itch in his brain, never failing to calm him down. a safe haven, of sorts.

you watch the movie and eat the snacks, chattering away, letting the silence linger every now and then. after a while, satoru gets a slight headache, resting his head in your lap and whining for you to soothe him. you do so without any teasing; you’re much too soft for him. and he’s still sick, even if he’s doing better. you couldn’t resist him even if you tried.

so you opt to indulge him.

”baby, i think my fever’s going up again…” satoru pouts, gazing up at you through fluttering lashes. ”can you check?”

you smile, with a raise of your eyebrow. ”this is the fifth time you’ve asked me to check your temperature, toru.”

”just wanna make sure,” he whines. “please?”

with an exaggerated sigh, you lean down, lips once again meeting his forehead — humming against his skin. nope, his temperature hasn’t gone up. just like it hadn’t gone up the last time you checked, or the time before that.

”you’re good.”

”oh, thank god,” he exhales. ”are you sure? like, a hundred percent sure? maybe you should check again. just in case.”

”satoru,” you coo, a teasing lilt on the tip of your tongue. ”you can just ask me if you want a kiss.”

”a kiss? scandalous. i just wanna make sure my condition doesn’t worsen.”

he’s grinning, and you’re rolling your eyes, and both of you know damn well you’re going to indulge him anyway. he sighs in satisfaction when he feels your soft lips on his heated skin.

”hmm…” you narrow your eyes, thoughtfully, before looking down at him with a teasing smile. ”nope. definitely still the same temperature.” 

”you sure?”

”a hundred percent.”

”hmm. okay, got it.” he rolls over, burying his face in your stomach. wrapping his limbs around your midriff. “that’s good. just wanted to check, you know?”

”of course.”

”might need you to check again soon. just to be safe,” he chirps, biting back a soft grin. you don’t bother hiding yours.

”got it, got it,” you coo, fingers carding through his messy hair. “anything for my sick baby.” 

satoru releases a soft breath, bordering on a giggle. you can’t help but let your smile grow wider, heart brimming with affection. you let it clog up your chest until the movie’s almost over, and you simply can’t help yourself anymore.

”your room is very like you.”

it’s sudden, breaking the peaceful silence, making satoru stir. you’re both starting to get sleepy again. but he blinks up at you, studying your expression before parting his lips.

”… oh? how so?”

“well…” you stop to think. humming, absently fidgeting with a lock of your boyfriend’s hair. ”when i first walked in, i thought the whole house felt kind of empty, you know?”

satoru hums. unsure of where the conversation is going, maybe just a little intrigued. he mostly just likes listening to you talk. 

”but then i went into your room, and — it just felt very you. kinda messy, and stuff, but cozy. and a little sentimental.” satoru looks up at you, admiring that certain soft glimmer in your eyes. you meet his stare with a smile. ”maybe it doesn’t make sense? i guess i’ve just been thinking about it.”

he closes his eyes.

there’s something soft in your tone, something silky and simple, and he can tell you’re being sincere. it’s something he likes about you — that willingness to be soft, almost pridefully so, to bare yourself even if you aren’t sure that he’ll return the favour. he likes to think it’s rubbing off on him, slowly but surely; he doesn’t think he’s quite as bad as before. telling you about things that are dear to him isn’t something that scares him, anymore. and even when you see him vulnerable, sick and delirious in bed, he isn’t afraid that you’ll use it against him.

you’re a comfort; his safe haven. a place to rest his weary head. maybe you always have been, even before he really got to know you.

”i like your place more,” he finally admits, lighthearted in its weight. your gaze flits down, but his is still lingering on the tv, not really paying attention to it. ”it feels very… you.”

a smile crawls up to rest against your lips. playing along, your hands finding solace in between his fluffy locks. ”how so?”

and satoru smiles. eyes sparkling with something mellow, like a soda pop cracked open on a boiling summer day. he shifts a little, just to gaze up at you again. ”it’s… homely. warm,” his smile only grows. “and awfully sentimental.”

he lifts a hand up, to touch your cheek. tender, as his thumb smooths against your skin. it’s warm, beneath his touch, heating up with every word he speaks. satoru’s love feels a little like the sun, when it spills out this fervently, like it could burn you into cinders — you think you’d be happy to lie in the ashes. he’s smiling at you, like sunshine, like little dusty specks of light. and he exhales.

”i wouldn’t mind staying there forever.”

the expression on his face is a lovely one. you take a moment to simply bask in it, desperate to etch it into your memory. you don’t think you could forget it even if you tried. how fondly the light of the room embraces him, that soft grin he’s shooting your way, only vaguely teasing. and his eyes, the gateways to his soul, so sincere you can’t look away.

you love this man with your whole chest. you knew before, you’ve known for a long time, but each day you fall in love all over again. it’s all you can think as you look at him, all snug and safe and happy in your lap.

you don’t realize you’ve been staring at him silently until he chuckles, pulling you out of your sentimental stupor. it only flusters you further.

”you’re cute,” satoru croons, still cradling your cheek. tender, soft fingertips against your heated skin. all you manage is a meek little furrow of your brows, but that only makes him chuckle again.

”… you can.”

he blinks. still smiling.

”stay forever, i mean.”

you can’t look at him, when you say it. the words are barely above a whisper, and you aren’t sure if they’re conscious or not. it’d be nice to say they just slipped out, but they feel somewhat deliberate, all the same. you know you mean them, either way. it’s the one thing you’re sure of.

this time, satoru is the one who can do nothing but stare, his expression unreadable. you try not to let your gaze wander to his face, his eyes; but through the peripheral of your vision, you feel like you catch a particular kind of sadness reflected in them. or maybe it’s something closer to yearning, longing. something like that.

”… well,” he finally hums, voice so low you barely pick up on it. ”maybe i will, then.”

you reach something. 

you catch a glimpse of it, at least, for just a second or two. something warm and bare, something simple and incomprehensible at the same time. an emotion so strong it leaves you reeling, yet still so light. it’s there and then it isn’t, just out of reach, and you think that if you could only find the courage to curl your fingers around his, then —

a laugh track plays from the tv, snapping you both out of your thoughts.

(the moment passes before you can fully understand it, fully comprehend it. maybe some part of you already has.)

…

satoru chuckles, reaching for another ball of mochi and popping it into his mouth. ”this movie’s awful, huh?”

”yeah,” you’re quick to agree, maybe a little too quick. grinning weakly. ”it’s good in a so bad it’s good kinda way, though.”

he hums in absentminded agreement, still chewing on the soft treat. keeping his gaze steady on the screen, the flicker of emotional scenes he hasn’t been keeping track of, barely resisting the urge to look up at you again. but his heart already feels a little too mushy for his liking — he’s not sure he could take it.

satoru doesn’t get sick often.

his immune system is strong, there’s no denying that. but more than anything, he simply can’t afford to be sick. there are people who need him, people who depend on him, and the idea of being in such a defenseless state — stuck in bed while the world continues to spin, unattended — makes him feel so anxious he could throw up. even sleeping makes him feel a little skittish, sometimes, though he’s gotten a lot better since he started falling asleep with you in his arms.

it’s funny, he thinks. before you, being sick wasn’t something that really existed in his world. if he felt a little under the weather he would simply puff out his chest and down a painkiller or two, waving it off with a flick of his wrist; no biggie, really. he’s satoru gojo, after all, and the world needs his eyes on it.

but then you came along. you came to his rescue, spring in your pockets, and you took care of him, with what he knows to be love. genuine, earnest concern for his wellbeing. his happiness.

yeah — it’s funny, for sure. satoru never thought he’d ever enjoy being sick. 

yet here he is, head in your lap, feeling you run your fingers through his hair. kissing his forehead whenever he whines, indulging his little convoluted ploys. bringing him soup, when he gets hungry again, soup you made yourself. he wasn’t kidding when he said he tasted your love through it; it was all he could taste, with his numbed out senses, all he could feel.

you’re so good to him. there’s nothing he would trade for these moments with you, absolutely nothing. he’s glad you came over, after all. glad you’re so stubborn, and oh so caring. satoru can’t help but smile, heart almost stuffed to the brim with gratitude — what could he possibly do with this immense love in his chest?

”i love you so much,” he blurts out, practically beaming. now you’re in his lap, again, and he takes the opportunity to smear openmouthed kisses against your neck. delighting in the little squeak you try to muffle.

”where did that come from?” you blink, squirming a little in his embrace. a movie is still playing on the tv screen, one better than the last — your attention was fixed on it before satoru broke the silence.

”just felt like saying it!” he only chirps, grinning ear to ear. ”i love you. you’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” he murmurs, earnestly, lips against your skin. ”my whole world.”

for a moment, you wonder if the fever is making him delirious. then again, this is pretty standard for satoru; always eager to fluster you, to shower you with love until you’re pushing him away. it’s overwhelming, but you’ve never minded. this is how you measure his love — little gaps between too much and never enough.

”… you’re not gonna say it back?” comes a whine, right by your ear. now he’s nibbling at your neck, little beast that he is, pouting because you let the silence linger for too long. he’s being such a baby about it. but you still rush to reassure him, echoing his words in earnest. 

”i love you too, satoru,” you smile, slightly exasperated. craning your neck so that your lips can meet his jaw, and satoru grins, giddy at the attention. ”my whole universe.”

satoru lets out a happy little noise, almost a giggle, sleepy and pleased. his arms squeeze you just a little tighter, like you could never be close enough, even when he’s got you in his lap like this. if he could, he’d keep you there all the time. attached at the hip, close as can be. 

even with a ruined date, even after worrying you, he feels well and truly satisfied. because you're here, and you’re watching a good movie, and you’re gonna stay over tonight. when it gets dark out, he’ll get to fall asleep cuddled up beside you, hold you in his arms and feel you nuzzle into his chest. then he’ll pepper your face with kisses to wake you up, and you’ll grumble all sweetly, and he’ll carry you to the kitchen despite your grumpy protests. you’ll eat breakfast together, chatting and enjoying the way the sunlight flickers around the room like a happy cat. maybe he can even make you breakfast himself, to thank you for today. 

if the fever’s gone by then, you’ll probably let him outside. then you can go get those crêpes, and maybe go to a park, or to the movie theatre, or a fun arcade, before heading back to your apartment to relax. and then he’ll stay over. the day after, too. and the day after that.

living together with you wouldn’t be so bad, he thinks. it wouldn’t be bad at all, actually. 

the thought has been on his mind for a while, now. getting to fall asleep with you every night, eat breakfast with you every morning, see more of your footprints in his life… satoru can’t think of anything he’d like more. maybe he’ll start hinting at it, slowly but surely. if he can lure you into broaching the subject, that would be ideal — but if he has to, he doesn’t mind doing it himself. you’re worth the emotional toll.

you curl into your boyfriend a little further, his jaw now resting cheekily on the top of your head, large palms underneath your shirt and rubbing circles into your bare skin. you have no idea what he’s thinking, no idea about his plans, and he thinks that’s for the best. he knows you’ll indulge him, at the end of the day.

maybe he’ll just ask you, tomorrow. if you say no, he can just blame it on the fever making him delirious.

[brackenfur]

au starting from lost stars/one non canon event mentioned but i cant stop thinking abt a scene where bramblestar slips up abt thinking abt killing firestar in sunset n how squirrel would react to that. this is a very quick drabble aka its not rly thought out or edited, i jsut needed to write and get it out somewhere ! i also cant rly definitively say that everything abt bramblestars version of events/what squirrelflight knew abt the foxtrap scene is canon-accurate since its been a minute since ive read tnp + that time period is extremely muddled in terms of which author writes it and what any cat outside of bramblestar ACTUALLY knows.

anyways tysm for reading <3

"i've sacrificed everything for this relationship, for you," bramblestar snaps, eyes that were at one moment dim and exhausted from his oncoming illness now alight with anger. "you don't even know how much pressure i was under all those years ago, after we got back together and i became deputy. i was dealing with my new position, with thunderclan's mistrust, with hawkfrost telling me to-" and he stops dead in his tracks, eyes widening just slightly as he realizes he let something slip.

squirrelflight blinks, deeply uncomfortable by his reaction. she knows that he and hawkfrost kept communicating after she and bramblestar got back together, and she knows to this day that hawkfrost never had good intentions - but there is something about the way bramblestar looks away from her, how his fur prickles along his spine, that makes her think there's more to this story.

"hawkfrost telling you to what?" she tries to keep up her bravado and confrontational tone so he doesn't detect how disturbed she's becoming, but her voice wavers. "what are you talking about?"

"nothing," he says too quickly, shaking his head. "it doesn't matter. i'm tired, squirrelflight; this leafbare is the worst i've seen, and i'm not feeling my best, either. you know that - i've been so sick, and-"

"yes, you are sick, and i've told you to rest," she reminds him, cutting him off. "and i'm sorry about that, but what are you talking about with hawkfrost?"

"i said it was nothing."

"it doesn't look like it was nothing."

bramblestar sets his jaw, shaking his head. "you know how he was. i was just going to say that he was just trying to pressure me to stop talking to you, that's it."

it doesn't feel like that was it. she has no love for hawkfrost and doesn't particularly care that he didn't like her much either - but bramblestar wouldn't be so upset and secretive about something that trivial. there's more.

"you're not telling me something," she says finally. "i know you - or, i mean, i think i know you. you're hiding something from me about hawkfrost, and i swear to starclan - we just had a conversation the other night about being truthful."

"i've always been truthful."

"it seems like you're not right now, though. i've laid out all of my secrets and told you every bad thing i've done - i've let the whole forest know my demons. not by choice, but what's done is done. there's something you're not telling me about hawkfrost - and don't tell me he didn't like me, we all know that. what was he telling you to do?"

he twitches his whiskers. "squirrelflight, you need to drop it."

this just makes her more angry. "i've told you everything i've done and you're always going on about how we need to stay truthful to each other to make this work - whatever it is, i'll listen to you about it. i know how hawkfrost was - did he want you to take over the forest, or something? i know he talked to mudclaw about things like that; he wasn't subtle about his plans to be tigerstar junior."

bramblestar looks deeply uncomfortable. "i didn't do what he wanted me to do, you know i didn't," he finally says after what seems like an hour; she blinks, unsure of what he's talking about.

"what do you mean? like...yeah, you didn't take over-"

"he wanted me to become thunderclan's leader. that's it. now, please, just drop it."

she frowns. she kind of expected that, but there's....a deep shame in his eyes, and she thinks there's an element to this story he's not saying. he's being evasive and private, and her heart begins to beat harder when she really, really thinks back on all those years ago.

a memory surfaces, one that she always thought about with pain and yet an underlying feeling of pride - for brambleclaw, for her mate, for saving her father....

it hits her then. she always thought that the foxtrap was brambleclaw's moment of undying loyalty to her father - stumbling upon hawkfrost about to kill firestar, and immediately jumping to his defense. that's always how he told it, anyways; he knew what hawkfrost wanted to do, and put an end to it.

but there were always these underlying moments that she couldn't quite place over the years - some type of underlying shame and embarrassment that she just chalked up to grief for his brother.

they look at each other, and she tries to keep calm. "when you found my father in the foxtrap," she says slowly. "did you think about letting hawkfrost kill him?"

bramblestar's beat of silence is all she needed to know; he immediately tries recovering it, though.

"squirrelflight, i would've never done that- hawkfrost and tigerstar were-"

"tigerstar? what does your father have to do with this?"

bramblestar is very quiet; she thinks that the world around them is completely silent as they stand in the middle of a snowy clearing. the cold usually heightens the sounds in the air, but in this moment all squirrelflight can hear is the thudding of her own heart.

bramblestar seems like he's trying to piece his thoughts together carefully; she forces herself to wait until he finally says: "i was never going to do it," he says, voice tight with emotion. "squirrelflight, i loved your father - you know that." she can barely hear him anymore as she finally grasps what exactly he's telling her. "my father and my brother- you've heard about how they are from lionblaze and ivypool and the others that went to the dark forest, how could i have- they were my family once, i thought that maybe-"

so that was his big secret, the one that he never meant for her to uncover. everything makes a little more sense now; the guilt and shame in bramblestar's eyes for those first seasons after hawkfrost's death whenever he'd look at firestar, the overcompensation bramblestar tried to preform as deputy. it wasn't because he felt like he allowed his brother to cause harm to firestar before saving him, it was-

"hawkfrost told you to kill firestar," she says softly, looking up at her mate. "but that- if it was just that, you would have told me, not lead me to believe that hawkfrost was the one who wanted to do it all along," she feels herself shaking as the shame begins to come back into bramblestar's expression. "you thought about, didn't you? about killing my father so you could become leader?"

bramblestar gives one moment of hesitation, and she shakes her head.

"i'm going to be sick," she says quickly, stepping away from him.

"i didn't hurt him. it wasn't-"

"this whole time, you've shamed me and made me feel like the worst cat that's been born because i kept a secret for my sister," she almost spits, her fur raising. "i don't know if i was morally right or wrong, i don't know what anyone else would do in my paws during that time - but you made me feel like i was worthless for a year because i protected leafpool, and now i finally get to know that you not only met up frequently with tigerstar but that you actually- you thought about killing my father. you thought about hurting firestar just so you could become leader."

ashfur's jibe all those years ago suddenly makes more sense - after the fire, the way he bumped into her with his shoulder and sneered you don't really even know your own mate, do you?

who knew that even after all this time after his death, ashfur still got the last laugh.

[hirokiyuu]

i want to know more about your ocs pls! does/will your dnd rogue get less fucked up? also why are they like that? also what detail about them is most fun to you?

YEAHHHHHHH TY FOR THIS ONE MENKHU!!!!!

yukina (aka akiko aka airi aka haruhi aka whatever her fucking robot number was.......) is my dnd pc from my very first campaign and she has major problems disease. uve probably seen my art of her bc i draw her all the time shes This girl:

ok so like. yukina's whole thing is that she Grew Up In Poverty, Forced To Steal To Survive....!!! but uh. also she has a twin brother who's very ill. and he does not know she does this. so. she's like OBSESSED with image and perception and how she is seen by those around her right. her entire aesthetic is put together based solely on "what's the least disarming way to look at all moments" right. thats why shes got hte big poofy skirts nad the silly hat and all that. bc it makes her look less Dangerous than she actually is

unfortunately she does not get less fucked up <3 in fact pretty much everything that happens to her makes her worse and worse and worse and even when she finally is able to be honest with her brother and they reconnect for the first time and she's able to tell him she loves him and she hates him and she's not the person he thought she was, and he says thats ok, the immediate aftermath is. her getting executed for high treason and her brother saying he didnt know she would do THAT

basically it goes like. things are bad > she gets exiled and things are worse > things are REALLY BAD (time travel to the future) > things are ok? (brother is alive and also immortal) > things are again bad and getting worse constantly > things are ok and maybe will continue to be so? (world saved and also brother is reconciled with) > THINGS ARE TERRIBLE THINGS ARE SO SO SO BAD THINGS ARE BAD SHES BEEN EXECUTED AND THINGS ARE BAD

after she gets executed an evil god snatches up her soul and she tells him how to make a fantasy nuke. so thats cool. then he turns her into a robot So That's Cool (scremaing)

we stopped the campaign around then bc of rl stuff for everyone but i do occasionally think abt yukina's execution and go feral bc everything in her life is so terrible. her only friends are a ten year old gremlin and the guy she's in love with who's got a metaphorical locket filled with nothing but pictures of himself and he lets her down every single time she needs him hahahahaha

i got so depressed abt this i made her an npc in my campaign. sure she's working customer service (lol) and magically shackled to the Worst Possible Lesbian In Existence but like. well. actually i cant talk abt how things are different bc i have a party member on here. but it could be worse!

honestly my fave detail is probably the name thing tho. her name at birth is 秋子 (akiko) which is just autumn child right. 雪菜 (yukina) was hte next major name she used (snow vegetable for winter) and her next was going to be 春日 (haruhi, spring day) as a more obvious callback to akiko. if she made it out of the villain stuff and became like. reformed? or at least not executed again for uhhh Fantasy Nukes i probably wouldve gone w/夏目 (natsume, summer eyes) as her final name. unfortunately we did not keep playing and now she is in hell forever with the devil <3

side note her first fake name (the one she used when she was still at home but thieving) is airi, which can be written as 愛利 (love/profit) or愛理 (love/truth) LOL which was it meant to be? who knows! it was never written down