#who i have not read because i don't have a philosophy degree lol

[letters-to-rosie]

sometimes I feel like I'm not getting any smarter doing all this reading and then I watch a youtube video explaining a philosopher I haven't read but because I've read enough of the stuff they're drawing on I find myself nodding along and saying the words before they come out lol

[lesbianphan]

The Myth of Sisyphus and PHILosophy (lol) - a brief essay on two nerds playing a game that might not be that deep but hey who's gonna stop me from pushing this boulder up the hill of writing this?

Disclaimer: it's finally my turn to use my useless degree that included a lot of literary analysis for something extremely important to society: analyzing Dan and Phil content!!! yay!!! This is about to be incredibly nerdy and waffly, but like what else are you doing with your time anyway on phannie tumblr?? (pls read it, I just reread Camus for this for the first time in years okay I'm dedicated to my craft)

"The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy." Albert Camus

As a part of Camus' essays on absurdist philosophy, The Myth of Sisyphus deals with the pointlessness of existence, through retelling the story of the greek myth about the titular character who, as a punishment for defying Death, was condemned to spend eternity pushing a boulder up a hill just to watch it fall back down. That may sound bleak, such is the futile nature of getting up every day and doing tasks, after all.

However, that's not really what the essay conveys. As the quotation provided in the beginning shows, Camus' takeaway about the myth of Sisyphus isn't about how easy it would be to take the option of not engaging at all with the repetitive tasks that make life what it is, or even focusing on how disappointing this pointlessness is. It's about how the journey of getting up everyday and motivating yourself to hit the peak of the hill is all there is to life, really. The absurd conclusion is, ultimately, that pushing the boulder up the hill everyday is what true revolt against the senselessness of the universe is. If there is no reason, we make the reason by climbing up with our rock everyday.

We choose to be happy every day and appreciate our rock, our hill, our existence as a whole. We choose to believe Sisyphus is happy, and, as disappointing at it may sound at first, it's worth it to live your existence, as long as you decide to appreciate your present more than your future (the destination, that elusive peak of the hill).

In Dan's words, you decide to have "just one good night" together every night on tour, you appreciate the journey of climbing out of that mental health hole again. You climb up that hill again and again, because it's worth it, and there are things - bigger than yourself or your personal boulder or even your destination, - that are worth fighting for every day. You embrace the void, and have the courage to exist today, not tomorrow atop the hill.

As Camus' Myth of Sisyphus was, admitedly, one of the inspirations behind We're All Doomed (and it shows!), it makes it even more intriguing to inquire about how much of their reactions to that particular game about Sisyphus informs their perspectives on the world and their personal philosophies.

As a disclaimer, I must add: I don't claim to know Dan and Phil personally, and I only have acess to the parts of them they decide to share, the performing side of them. So, quite obviously, I can be fully off the mark on this one. Still I think it's interesting to dive into, if not for accuracy, at least for better understanding of the personas they portray online, and how their worldviews bleed into it.

The first big point a lot of people brought to the table is the shift in Dan's philosophy ever since writing and performing We're All Doomed and (most likely) a lot of therapy and work on himself over the years. Gone are the days of existential crises being treated as a joke, or mental health in general being discussed without care for what the audience may take from it. During the video, it's quite apparent that he tries very hard to mantain that voice of reason (sometimes breaking it out of frustration, which is fair!), to somehow guide us into an understanding of what this philosophy means to him personally and to his self-proclaimed magum opus WAD.

This is relevant, of course, insofar as this becomes the thesis of the video, silly gameplay and jokes aside. So I couldn't not mention it here, as it's extremely noticeable and commendable of him to now have a different kind of perspective towards the topic of mental health, in this more mature era of their content. You can tell it's relevant to him to try to get the point of the myth across, in a way that tells his audience, as much as it tells himself, that giving up isn't a choice. You must keep pushing that boulder and you must believe that Sisyphus is happy, and so will you be during that journey up the hill. Even when it falls down again and you meet frustration, you pick yourself back up and keep trying to enjoy the present once again.

Secondly, regarding Dan's behavior during the gameplay, it's notable that he gets extremely frustrated when the boulder falls down (who wouldn't?). However, he always tries to catch it and put it back in the path upwards, instead of throwing his hands and giving up like Phil seems to do. This shows, very loosely, how he handles frustration in his own life: trying to fix things and get them right on path again. It's sometimes the most difficult choice to make, but it's extremely corageous to just keep trying in face of extreme frustration. We've seen it all over gaming videos, but also on his own personal projects getting shut down, and Dan still insisting on carrying on creating things that are personal to him, even in face of rejection.

Phil, however, seemed to give up out of frustration extremely easily, so much so that Dan kept pointing it out how he'd let go of the controls and let it happen. It might not mean much, but since he himself claims he gives up on things that are too difficult, it might just be an aspect of his personality to literally let go in face of things he perceives as impossible to achieve.

It is also notable that when he made a mistake, no matter how competitive they usually are on the surface, Phil decided to ask Dan for help, or try to tag out entirely and hand it over. This may not only be related to frustration, but also to knowing how to ask for help, and also a belief that Dan is "the strongest one out of both of us" and he will be there always to help (quite adorable). Dan's tenacity in front of difficult situations is a great complement to Phil's anxious eagerness to hand over the controls when things get overwhelming.

It's interesting to point out how their personal worldview influenced their gameplay as well. Dan was focused, sharp, driven to get to the top of the mountain by keeping in complete control of the boulder at all times. He held on tight to the challenges and kept going, and he wasn't afraid to run back and catch himself enough to try again. Phil's style showed something very interesting about him that is notable in gaming videos in particular: Phil's propensity for making little goals and celebrating the little things in the path to a goal.

Getting through one obstacle that was once difficult is enough to make Phil seem content with his progress. He celebrates every little step of the journey and, in that way, it's easier for him to appreciate it naturally. He's focused on the little tasks more than the big picture, and that makes the experience more enjoyable. His goals shift, of course, as they progress through the level, and the difficulty ramps up. Even so, he's still more likely to point out that's the farthest they've gotten and, hey look at this ramp, let's get through this ramp and then we've won, because that's my goal right now, and that's enough to make me happy in the present.

This counterbalances Dan's more bleak outlook wonderfully as well. While Dan is focused on making it to the top of the hill, and gets extremely discouraged seeing there's a lot more ahead they'll never get to experience, Phil's view is that they got through that one challenge and, surely, next time they'll get through one more, and so on and so forth. Focusing on smaller things is, ultimately, a good way of finding happiness in the process of pushing up that boulder.

Moreover, Phil's brief comment about how you could "make up little stories in your head" is also extremely telling of the kind of person he is. As Camus' philosophy claims: the only way to live with an absurd world is by living through it and learning what it means to be happy in a world that doesn't make sense. In Phil's mind, a bearable way to get through the harrowing experience of every day existence is making up stories, which matches up with his creative mind. Art and creation are indeed things that can make life worth living, and it seems that even subconsciously, that's the path he'd choose against the pointlessness of repetition. The joy of creation is, certainly, and extremely human and beautiful way to find meaning in life.

The most interesting point I'd like to raise, though, is how they got through that game together: as much as Dan accused Phil of distracting him, it was interesting to see that he didn't notice that's entirely the point. The boulder falling down is nothing compared to the stories we share, the conversations we make. What is important is the journey you take, and hearing about your best friend's weird school inter-sports anecdotes, even if you have to start over because you got distracted.

And that's entirely the point I'd like to leave this of with: pushing up that boulder is only worth it if you learn to live, if you learn to love, if you learn to enjoy the present moment, instead of focusing on that ever elusive destination. Therefore, what makes not only the video interesting, but also the game bearable at all, is their interaction with each other. Much like in life as partners, Dan and Phil would, obviously, climb that hill together. They would find the joy in the little moments together, laugh, yell, get frustrated, pick each other back up again in moments of frustration, and keep going up that hill together.

The only way to live is if one imagines Sisyphus happy. The only way to exist is if you decide that, no matter what, you'll create your own meaning. The only way is to find joy in the now instead of later. The only way to make those grueling day to day tasks happy and fun, is by choosing hapiness. Dan and Phil have, in every sense, decided to keep climbing up that hill of existence together. It may be slow and clumsy and loud at times, but it's their own experience. Ultimately, the only way to experience that gaming content is by imagining Dan and Phil are happy to make it for us, and that we can all share a little bit of our hill in moments of laughter and community. That's what makes life worth it in the end.

A/N: this may be the weirdest thing I've ever done, pls accept me for who I am, thank!

[my-my-my]

modern Aizen??!! What type of dad would he be? Or husband? What type of life would he have?(job,money,hobbies,etc.)

I love modern Aizen concepts. I've thought so much about this - I have way too many ideas. I'll break this up into chunks for easier reading.

TW: none!

... as a husband:

A very career-oriented, driven man = very busy. There will be some days where you won't physically see him (because your work schedules don't align), but he will call you each day when you have free time.

He's very attentive. He can tell when you're upset, hurt or angry about something, and he'll listen.

He doesn't like nagging and passive aggressiveness. If you're upset with him, be direct! He trusts you and expects you to trust him as well.

He loves cooking with you, especially if you're curious about new recipes, or try something in a restaurant and want to recreate it at home with him.

He doesn't like leaving household chores with you - he tries to meal plan and prep with you. He's the one that offers to hire a cleaner so there's less stress for you.

When he has time off, he will spend it with you. He will plan elaborate, details days off, vacations, anniversaries, etc. - it's his way of "making up" to his intense schedule.

... as a father:

Extremely, and I mean EXTREMELY patient. He may not be all that understanding with his child, but he tries.

I think Aizen "handles" older children better than new borns and infants.

New borns and infants give Aizen a small seed of fear - this tiny, precious child is someone who inherently has to rely on Aizen. I think in this sense, Aizen's philosophy of "the weak need the strong" changes - of course his baby needs him!

Aizen will always, and I mean always, read them bedtime stories. He loves to encourage his child to read more. One of their first gifts from him (once they're old enough/develop memories) is a little bookshelf.

Library days are important! He's one of those parents who will sign up for parent-baby classes at the local library.

Aizen is definitely the "I'm not angry, just disappointed" parent. He won't shout at his child ever, but they develop an inherent respect for him.

I don't think Aizen would like the concept of private schools (inherently classist/elitist), so he's very much fine with his child going to a public school.

Summer vacations are also for travel! He would encourage his child to see the world - he doesn't want them to be ignorant of the world around them.

... his job:

I've talked about this before, but I can see Aizen in some type of medical or education-role (or both!). I often picture him as some kind of psychotherapist (requires a medical degree) at a world-renowned hospital/institute who's also an associate professor at the major university. He would be one of those people who would have the HBSc + MSc + MD + PhD lol

He would also be a graduate-level supervisor for students. But he's very selective on who he takes under his wing (i.e. Ichigo...). He would encourage his students to think critically about what he's teaching them, but also be supportive in their endeavours.

I think Aizen develops his supervisor persona because it was, unfortunately, something he didn't get to experience as a graduate student. His supervisors were very hands-off and while Aizen was an extremely competent student and fellow, I can see him wanting a mentor during that period of his life.

Aizen only sees a few patients a year, on a consultancy-basis, if he's more research-focused. But some years he does go back into the clinical practice route.

Aizen has definitely had a TEDTalk or two.

Aizen is always competing with Urahara for grants and funding lol it pisses him off.

If Aizen is on a thesis committee with Urahara, it frustrates him, but he tries to be nice and polite - often times he's ignoring Urahara in these meetings and at the time of a student's defence.

Aizen would be a notoriously difficult Comprehensive Examiner for PhD students. Again, going back to thinking critically - he expects students in his division/unit/stream to not regurgitate what they've learned, but demonstrate areas of improvement, new techniques, etc.

Aizen teaches one undergrad-level course in psychology, another one in sociology and then one last one in philosophy (at the 300 level). Many undergrad students flock to his office hours.

Overall - financially - Aizen is definitely not hurting for cash.

... his hobbies:

Reading: whether that be manuscripts, chapter proofs, fiction and non-fiction alike. I think Aizen is inherently a student for life type-of-person. He wants to know more, he has such a thirst for knowledge.

Coffee/tea-hopping: he's not one for gimmicky cafes, but Aizen's curious to try new spots for their coffee and tea selections. Even when he travels abroad, he will try local cafes and buy some beans and blends for home (if he likes it).

I think Aizen would still hold on to calligraphy - it's such a rare talent these days I find. It's an expensive hobby for sure - but one he plans and budgets for. Very, very rarely does he sell some of his prints - it's a way for him to decompress.

I think Aizen would be hesitant to introduce his child to calligraphy - he doesn't want them using his expensive inks and pens lol. I think he'd get them a "child" version of them, but he wouldn't pressure them to continue with calligraphy if it doesn't interest them.

In a similar vein, I can see Aizen enjoying playing the piano in his (very limited) spare time (he's trying to master Rachmaninoff and that unbelievably finger span). I don't see him playing the piano necessarily for the music - but rather, I think it's a test of almost all of his senses. It requires his focus, his ability to read music - translate that ability into finger movements, and be able to interpret the composers own feelings into the piece of music. I don't think he'd be able to tell you who his favourite composers were, but he would be able to tell you pieces that gave him a "challenge" (that he conquered). He would enrol his child in piano lessons.

I can see Aizen being into hiking, and maybe mountaineering. I think it gives him a sort of thrill to climb mountains (always reaching to the top).

Weirdly enough, I think he'd be into foraging as well? Foraging for edible mushrooms specifically (I guess there's something to be said with curiosity and mad scientist types).

Aizen avoids social media. He knows of it, he probably has a twitter account for his academic stuff, but that's about it. I also don't see him as a podcast listener - but he has been invited on to podcasts as a guest!

Overall, I think Aizen would have a life similar to a well-known, top-earning clinical researcher! Someone who's constantly learning, but also wants to share that knowledge to a few select students. This leads him to having a very limited home life, but he makes it up with his attentiveness and understanding. I think Aizen would be a devoted partner to a person who is as equally curious as him - someone he can also learn from.

Thanks anon for this ask! I hope this is what you had in mind.

[athemarina]

writeblr comeback!! (for real this time!!)

hello (again), marina here! i am back from another long break, and this time i am determined to rejoin the writeblr community properly, because i really truly missed it here!

it's been a couple months since i've been here, and there have been a couple of changes in my life and to the way i want to run this blog, so i thought i'd give an update to anyone who might still remember me and maybe get to know some new writers! <3

who am i?

i am marina/mina, 27, from austria. i've been on writeblr for quite some time now, but had to take a break due to work and uni being really demanding, and also my personal life kinda falling apart lol. but i've realised once more that writing is one of the things that give my life meaning and stability, and i want and need to reconnect with it.

i work full-time and am still finishing up my degree, so i'm quite a busy bee. nevertheless, with uni summer break just around the corner, i want to spend more time writing and finding inspiration here!

some random interests of mine: philosophy, linguistics, the beauty of greece, musicals, folk songs and folklore, horses, and formula 1. what a list.

what do i write?

i have put all of my previous wip on hold because i had no time to work on them at all the last few months. right now i am in the worldbuilding phase of a new fantasy story (it takes some elements from children of the king but will go in quite a different direction! there's robots in it now!!) i want to take working on this new wip really really slow though. i've spent the last couple months feeling horribly burnt out and don't want to push myself around so much anymore. so while a proper intro post will have to wait for a bit, i'll still share some of the stuff that's floating around in my head and can't wait to get to know other people's wips again!!

i want to try my hand at writing poetry and flash fiction! it's not something i've dabbled with a lot in the past, but i really want to expand my horizons!

i have read quite a lot this year and would like to share some reviews / media analysis as well!

things i love to write and read....

all kinds of fantasy, anything that includes vampires, grief and healing and not-healing from it, characters who make all the wrong choices, questions of identity, queerness, and love.

if any of that vibes with you, let's be friends pls!!

i'd love to be part of the community again, and i love talking about reading / writing / just about anything so pls never hesitate to send me a message if you wanna chat <3 i also love to do tag and ask games, but it might take me a while to get to it!

thank you for reading, and thank you all for being such a lovely community here! i'm back babyyyy

[whitmansgrass]

*breaks down your door and bursts into the room with a notepad and pen* in your fics do the nations

1. have to eat and sleep as often as humans do and if not what's the max amount of time they can before getting tired or passing out? do they need to eat or sleep less than humans to be fully functional? do they feel hunger and fatigue as much as humans?

2. do they have a higher stamina than humans (eg running, swimming, etc)?

3. how fast is the rate of healing small (cuts, bruises, small burns, minor concussion, etc) and large injuries compared to humans? can they get permanent neurological issues from a head injury? how easily do wounds scar? are they as prone to getting sick as humans and do they recover faster, and do they get sick during recessions like i think) japan mentioned in canon?

4. (i forgot if you wrote this or not but im not reading 70k words again lol) can they 'feel' their people (each individual person) if they're around the area? do they know basic info about them intuitively? 5. could an empire, like british empire, teleport all across their colonies or just their own country's territory? also, since i think that it was mentioned that britain is more experienced in teleporting than america and that he didn't teach him anything about being a nation, did he (ame) used to be terrible at it when he was younger?

6. how does nuclear weapons testing affect them? do they get burns or get ill following it? also, do they feel unwell if a natural disaster occurs in their country (the land itself affected, not necessarily the people)?

7. can they feel/know if a leader/monarch dies?

8. is their alcohol tolerance higher than humans' or does it depend on the nation?

1. they probably can withstand more than humans, but their functionality decreases if they dont eat or sleep regularly! going hungry probably isnt the greatest feeling, and they definitely can starve, but maybe they can withstand more than a human in a situation can befor ethey finally KO. I think they definitely feel it as much, but they're better at enduring

2. yeah, they have higher stamina! i think one of their primary instincts is to protect their people, so they'd definitely have "enhanced" abilities as compared to their general population

3. it depends on the nation! baseline, as long as the nation is stable, they should heal faster than a human. i think they can get neurological injuries, but so long as they aren't born with them, they would probably get healed after a death, which i see as a healing-enhancement state that would probably propel a wounded nation to some minimal state of operationality. i think it would be different if a nation was born with some neurological condition—if they died, they probably wouldn't be "healed." of course, that begs the question whether a nations people would be willing to take care of an infant nation who was born disabled or with some other trait found undesirable in the time period in which the nation was born, and i don't think many settlements would have been willing to do that. i think that philosophy of letting an "undesirable" nation die until they get one they like could be an explanation for the prevalence of male nations—because girls and boys have a 50% chance of being born right? so where did all the girls go??

I think they definitely get sick during recessions, natural disasters, pandemics, etc. i dont think they have any natural immunity that differs from a human, but they've been alive so long that they've definitely built up some immunity. and i think herd immunity in their country probably insulates them to some degree!

4. they probably can get the basics down! like, they can probably tell which region a citizen is from, and if they're interacting one-on-one, they can probably get a general sense of what a person is feeling. If the nation is in groups, I'm guessing they can probably get a good feeling of what the group's general sentiment is. like, i have a feeling america can probably tell what the results of the popular vote will be before it comes out bc he can just feel it

5. i think there needs to be some substantial connection to an area before a nation can just teleport wherever they'd like? like, if an empire conquered a territory but its just written down on paper, then i dont think they can teleport there. they don't even know the terrain ! but if the influence of the empire is substantial, then i think they have the ability to. whether they can do it well (accurately deciding where they want to teleport to) depends on how well they personally know the land. so empires probably could teleport in their territories? but they might not be really good at it.

6. it's probably hurts a lot! yes to both the burns and the illness! i do think the people are their base but that they also take on the characteristics of the land. natural disasters—maybe the impact depends on how used to them they are? natural disasters on its own i think wouldn't hurt a nation too much? because the "disaster" part tends to characterize the damage done to humans + human settlements. is a natural wildfire really that big of a deal if the fire is useful in bringing in new growth? would an earthquake hurt the earth? i think maybe, in some situations, a natural disaster does hurt nations if its really crazy, and they probably have a good sense when one will occur, but i bet most of the sting comes back from the destruction natural diasters cause to humans and what humans have built

7. yes and it hurts a lot!!

8. i think it also depends on the nation! maybe stronger nations tend to have stronger constitutions? but there is a lot of room for individual variance! im assuming russia would have better tolerance than a lot of countries out there lol, both because of cultural and individual factors

i hope this answers your questions!

[leviathan-supersystem]

Oh and that apparently I may not be able to read but apparently I also read too much as to think that my issue with your pitiful excuse for philosophy is because I read 1984. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

read nonfiction honey.

also there's a movie lol, which would explain why you thought it was "news speak"

Andddd you really didn't define dialectic materialism. You simply stated it was "scientific method applied to the world but mostly just society." I shortened it to the essicials listed. And I know that you can talk in length about its form and function so go ahead. Define it so I don't obviously butcher it, with my smooth brain.

certainly.

social systems develop over time through a dialectical process often described as "thesis, antithesis, synthesis"- a social status quo exists, a resistance against that status quo emerges, and then a new status quo emerges which is influenced to some degree by that resistance. the archetypal example is often the french revolution, where the monarchist status quo was challenged by a liberal revolutionary movement, then after the back-and-forth between the revolutionaries and the counter-revolutionaries, a new status quo emerged in the form of a National Assembly which included both revolutionaries and counter-revolutionaries, with the revolutionaries seated on the left and the counter-revolutionaries on the right, which in fact is the origin of the terms "left wing" and "right wing".

at any rate we can see this kind of pattern play out everywhere in society, in the evolution of art, politics, economics, etc. and you can make certain predictions about how those social system will evolve. if you look at a social system- a country, a corporation, a music scene, any kind of group of people organizing together- and you look at who within that social system isn't having their needs (particularly their material needs) met, you can extrapolate that those people will likely start to organize together to meet their needs, forming a social system of their own to act in opposition to the first. after some interplay between the two, things will settle into a new status quo.

[mundifinis]

Hey there! Follower of yours from SW who’s having to go through the hell of uni applications in the near future, and has no clue what they what to do lol. If it’s not too much trouble — what’s it like studying poli sci? What do your days look like, what’s the courses/degree like, would you recommend, and what… exactly is poli sci? Pros and cons/advantages and disadvantages? I could ask the internet, but I’d just really love to have a reply from someone who’s currently studying it, rather than like a website’s course overview:/. Also— what is international relations, and what’s that like?

No worries to reply at all! Only if you have the time and you don’t mind. Feel free to delete this

omg i love this question! it's a bit lengthy so it'll be under the cut

first off, i do want to say i do go to community college and not like an actual university so i would say my experience (e.g. my days as you mentioned) isn't a common one but political science is essentially just studying the way politics have shaped our lives. for example, last semester i took an intro to international relations course which basically went through the world and politics. we learned about colonialism, different wars, different systems (e.g. bipolar system) and theories, geopolitics, and other stuff that falls under the similar umbrella. i also took a political philosophy course which just required us to read famous philosophers and their works (plato's the republic as well as the communist manifesto and other works) and analyze how they viewed politics and government.

the 4 year uni i'm transferring to in the fall allows us to pick a certain concentration but i assume it's like that for at least a few other places. because there isn't an "official" pre-law major in most universities (at least here in america) some people looking to go to law school may major in poli sci and their courses will be dependent on "law" stuff. because i want to have a concentration in international relations (and to answer your question-- it's essentially the study of interactions between different nations) i would probably take courses about different conflicts or different countries and how they interact and such.

as for advantages, a lot of people shit on poli sci and other social sciences (such as history and cultural anthropology) because "what can you do with it besides teach it?" but because it's a social science, the ability and skill to understand social behavior (yes-- even if you do take poli sci) is heavily needed in the workplace. i know people who have studied poli sci and make 6 figures a year working in HR. obviously, that's not for everyone but i'm just saying, the job field is wider than most people think.

as for disadvantage, i can only think of one and i'm gonna copy and paste it from politicalsciencenotes because it sums it up perfectly "The greatest difficulty is with regard to the changing, ephemeral, ambiguous, subtle, and coercive nature of politics. It cannot be comprehended easily by ordinary and even advanced minds. A political theory which once was regarded empirical and 'scientific' becomes unrealistic, historical and fanciful today." it's continuously changing and nothing is definite. there's not always an answer to everything and it can be very vague. unlike most STEM fields that always have an answer to everything, political science is tricky because it's studying people interacts and people don't fit in one mold and act the same way they do all the time.

i love studying it though but it's not for everybody and that's perfectly okay. i wish you luck for figuring out what you want to do and thank you for asking this question!

[roseymess]

BTS IDEAL TYPE:

(this is an intuitive based reading+my own analysis of the boys. I am not 100% sure obviously but I will try my best)

Jin:

Personality: Someone with power,ceo vibes, successful in their field, passionate about everything,screams dom energy, elegant, reserved, mysterious but also spontaneous, motherly,caring, intelligent,knows how to use their intelligence,good communication skills, ambivert,reserved to others;open to him, trustworthy,some with a lot of knowledge (he said knowledge is power) intuitive,honest,takes care of others, independent. Listens to him,let's him take control most of the time.(lmao I can't relate). Someone very mature,I don't think age matters to him much as he said he is willing to date someone 10 years younger than him. So I guess someone who is mature will catch his attention.

Appearance: Now this is actually surprising but I feel he would like someone pale to a little tanned skin. Athletic, muscular or toned body. He might also like someone chubby. Beautiful hair. He is handsome so his partner needs to be 'conventionally" beautiful as well. Someone with classy or no makeup look. Beautiful smile. I am not sure about his sexual orientation,but I do feel he likes male who have charming smile,shorter but muscular physique as well.

Suga:

Personality: Not complicated personality. Emotionally intelligent. Loves and understands music like him. Someone who would give him space when needed. Cuddle together a lot. Someone who can understand when he needs attention because Suga might not openly show emotion all the time. A good cook. A good home maker. Someone with a stable job, preferably a house wife/husband is suited more to him. Someone who can cater to his needs when necessary. Someone who has a strong personality,but is actually very cute and shy. Someone who can stand up against others when needed. Someone maybe,I see medical. Idk why,but I kept seeing medical for him so maybe like someone who is a doctor or nursing or elementary school teacher.

Appearance: Honestly? Suga doesn't care. But if I had to. Maybe like black,red aesthetic? I see him being into those badass cute girls/boys. But honestly,Suga DOES NOT care about appearance much. I feel he is a pansexual (completely my opinion) so yeah, winning over Suga is solely personality based.

Jhope

Personality: He is an Aquarius like me so maybe someone who is non-judgmental. Someone who always has a book in their hand?? I see him dating someone with very high knowledge,might as well be into philosophical people. Someone who is very honest and straightforward but also very respectful. Someone whom he can take care of. Someone ,again,who is of very high position,has a lot of degrees under their belt. I see him dating someone from philosophy or engineering field. Someone good with technology. Someone whom he can trust (Jhope has been cheated in the past😔). Someone with a lot of patience. Someone who will wait before they get into a relationship. Someone who has eyes only on him. Someone who can cook very well. Someone innocent.

Appearance: Bad bitch type people. Lol. Like you know,hot nerds,thick body, beautiful hair,nice smile. Tanned skin. I see him dating someone with tanned skin. Someone with good hip movement? Lmao. Also,another one who might date chubby s/o. But actually have a cute face. So thicc body+ cute face combination. (He wants to corrupt his s/o).

Idk about his orientation but he can be bi. It's an Aqua thing I have noticed.

Namjoon

Personality: Someone with very high knowledge, curiosity,will to learn and improve. He would like someone who has a lot to give to him, knowledge wise. Someone into arts and philosophy. Actually for him, knowledge in any form is precious. So yeah,you need to brush up on your facts if you wanna date this man. Someone with a strong personality,someone who can hold debates,not back down easily. Believe in what they think is right. Proving people wrong. Someone who is mysterious,has a lot of tricks up their sleeve. Someone mature. Can handle themselves. Someone who is a good cook. Someone like a lawyer, I am seeing for him. Someone who reads and knows a lot.

Appearance: Again,I honestly feel Namjoon gives 0% shit to how you look. Your personality is something he will notice. But of course he has mentioned he likes people who keep it casual. But as said by the man "brain is sexy" for him. So someone with casual comfortable style. Someone who is naturally attractive. Someone tall-medium height. Long straight hair. But can pull up any fashion look. Someone with tanned skin. Namjoon is a sucker for tanned skin people,I KNOW THIS.

Jimin

Personality: Charming,cute girl. Someone who has a very baby like energy to them but are actually femme fatale. Lmao. I kept hearing this for him. Someone who will play hard to get but that is not their intentions though. Someone who will be a bit of a tease to him. Yes,someone who is completely submissive to him. Someone who has a bit of Dom air to them. Someone who is a charming cute girl in streets but a dom in room. So yes,he likes to be taken care of ,someone who would baby him a lot. Someone who will cuddle with him. Haha,I see him laying on his someone's chest a lot🥰🥰Another one who willing to date someone very much you ger than him but of legal age. So someone who is mature. I see his person being in the art field. Like a chef or something like that.

Appearance: Someone with big boobs. Lmao. I also felt this for Jin. So someone with perfect hourglass figure or someone who is slim thick. Someone with tanned skin,yeah I see him dating a tanned skin person. Someone with plump lips,fairy angel type looks to them. Someone with beautiful eyes. Someone short. Again,I feel he is bi but that's completely my opinion.

Taehyung

Personality: As said by the man,someone motherly. Someone like Jin actually. Someone who would cook him food,make him hot chocolate,wake him up. Someone who has good fashion sense. I see him dating a photographer or someone who into the artistic field rather than an academic field. Someone mysterious. Someone who appears cold at first but is actually a warm person. Someone who will run their fingers through his hair when he is stressed. Someone who will respect his privacy. Someone who would be like,a good girlfriend/boyfriend. Idk why I didn't see wife or husband 🤔 Anyways,I might be crazy. So someone who will allow a 50-50 power dynamic in the relationship. Someone with a good sense of humour. Someone who is a bit weird can also catch his attention.

Appearance: Again,someone who doesn't focus on face BUT on your dress. He wants someone who has a good sense of style. Someone who can express their artistic side through fashion,hair dyes. I see him liking classy people as well. Expensive perfumes, expensive everything. Someone,maybe with good manicure,good nails. He notices the details. Someone who wears good shoes. He can date someone older or younger than him. Age doesn't matter.

Jungkook

Personality: Someone who is well established in their field. Someone who is good at everything,like him. Someone who is passionate and just soaks in everything they can learn. Someone with a lot of knowledge (he did say he admires Namjoon a lot so). Someone who has a way with words. Someone who is adventurous,sporty. Someone who is like, burning with life,passion,thirst of knowledge. Someone whom everyone admires. Someone who has a presence. Now Jungkook has previously mentioned he likes IU,and many think he just likes older women. Well,it can be that he likes the idea of someone who is matured,someone who knows what they want and how to get what they want. Again,I am seeing Ceo vibes for him. He might date someone famous,but like not from entertainment industry but like in other field of work. Someone who will take Jungkook for a ride and just leave him speechless. He is willing to date someone who is upto 7 years younger than him. But again they have to be mature.

Appearance: Well,I see him liking someone with good hips and butt(lmao). Someone with short hair or long hair. Someone with a beautiful smile but foxy eyes. Very captivating eyes actually. Long legs but actually shorter than him. Someone who can pull off all black attire. Someone who has good waist-hip proportion. Someone with toned body,like someone who hits the gym frequently.

This is all. Again,I am saying this is all from my opinion,what I felt the boys would like after being an army for so long. So this is completely from my side as well as a few videos of them+plus my intuition. Nothing is set on stone. Please don't try to fit their type or feel bad about yourself if you don't fit their type. No hate,please.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[katyspersonal]

Okie let me see... can you do 2 and 6 for Gratia, 5 for Antal, 9 and 10 for Gascoigne?

Odd combo, I know ahahah

(Asks from this ( x ) meme)

(Gratia)

2) What animal they remind me of

I would like to say gorilla as they are the strongest animals in the world (the last time I checked!), but for some reason I always think about a tiger instead! It is hard to explain why, maybe because tigers are cats that can only roar but not purr (fitting image of her lack of tact and gentleness despite what society would expect from a woman in this setting). Or maybe it is that she is practically a female Snatcher in my ideas because of her Pthumerian genes showing :p And they do have strange curving stripes pattern on their skin - something I believe she has too.

6) Psychological headcanons (tastes, fears, talents, regrets, how they deal with anger, just anything that comes to mind on the topic)

She is a good barker but not a great biter! She might be very blunt, direct and tactless but this is the peak performance of the mental "harm" she can cause! Even very emotionally sensitive people would have to be abnormally naive to not realise within like, one day of knowing her that she doesn't harbour genuine hate or ill will, she just focuses on what to say, not how. However she has a history of trying to be more gentle and polite whenever her words accidentally cut dip, but is comically bad at it. The 'reading blurred writing on her hand' kind of jokes.

Just like with Henryk, the only thing that can put a crack in her great power is pain of losing a loved one, however as long as there is at least one friend of hers is alive (even not a very close one) - she will recover soon. She is not prone to play tough despite what you expect and she finds time to cry or to smash a building or two to vent her aggression if she needs it. However, if she loses someone dear for her, her coping includes giving too much care and protection to the friends who remained in her own awkward way. To the point they have to ask her to stop! I think her real downfall was going insane, just like Yamamura, and not knowing if Simon survived upon escaping or not. But if she at least got to be in the same cell with Yamamura and could hold him, that would've saved her. Holding on what she does have left, however little it is, is always the way.

Prefers to hunt alone which used to be not a normal thing amongst Old Hunters; they tended to hunt in pairs for the sake of full 360 degrees sight, avoiding any beast creeping from behind. But we all know that no beast could really inconvenience her like that x) She says the real reason is her "not wishing to save some weenie's ass if they get in trouble" which is... true, but you can see that's how she expresses concern.

She is very good with animals and can make even the most rabid dog be a good puppy with her. Perhaps she might knock a person on the ground by simply 'gently' pushing them, but when it comes to animals, Gratia can hold even the most tiny and fragile ones right. If she was to own pets, they'd live abnormally long and healthy lives.

Hunt times aside, she really likes wearing feminine things like ribbons and accessories and and very open, pompous dresses, though it always comes across funny in contrast with her rude, nearly barbaric behaviour. Had she known Gehrman can make not only hunting clothes, she'd commission a wholeass dresses wardrobe from him. (Inb4 all of these get ripped when she flexes her muscles lol)

She has the intuition that allows her to understand whether someone is a good person or not on the spot, that compensates for her not being able to understand complicated talks about philosophy, arcane and evolution. Like, yeah, she might be not smart with terms and ideas, but she can guess the intention and person having their heart in a good place is often enough. However, if you are full of shit, expect many practical pranks from her! Gratia is good at them (as long as they don't require using any sort of tech).

For the reason stated above, she is not sensitive to the authority figures at all - unless they have their heart in a good place! Would have called Logarius a bitch in his face without a trace of doubt and whatnot. The only thing that could stop her from getting into social sort of trouble is the risk of her friends being endangered or emotionally hurt, hence she doesn't speak ill of Laurence if Gehrman is listening and whatnot.

(Antal)

5) Social headcanons (what do they think of their friends/allies if they have any, what are they looking for in relationship, what people tend to think about them…)

His presence in Yahar'gul is endless state of 'I am surrounded by idiots' - and towards actual Mensis scholars rather than towards fellow hunters! His strange sense of intellectual/mental superiority before others is just his delusion though; he is not aware that his true feelings are envy. Others have more clear goals, more collected thoughts, more determination, more ideals after all. How little he got his motives and morality figured in life despite old(ish) age comes to bite him in the end when he turns against School of Mensis when it is too late for it to matter much. But he can do what he still can nonetheless! He is similar with Damian in this.

Many other hunters in Yahar'gul, however, envy him too as for them it is clear he is not as 'dead inside' as them, albeit very conflicted internally, but it is good sort of envy. They call him a softie and gently mock him for hypocrisy when he demands to not be cruel with victims when he knows what Mensis Scholars do to them in the end anyway, but they sorta just... know that he still can't accept this is his life now after Healing Church started repressions against foreigners. After Micolash yeeted himself into Nightmare they remained a society within Yahar'gul anyway, but they agreed to "not notice" how Antal sometimes sabotages what they do, releasing captured victims if he can or deactivating traps here and there.

He cannot better the Yahar'gul hunter that defected decades sooner than him and helped Yamamura to run and now ended in Hunter's Nightmare, though! Remembers that guy very enviously fondly, feels bad that he never had his sort of courage. To think of it, he is very perceptive towards good traits of others, he always notices them. The process of adopting them himself is painfully slowly, though.

His self-esteem is permanently nerfed after what he's done in his life and as result he could not accept deep, genuine, healthy relationship anymore. Not even with those who did the same as he! Especially with those who did the same as he. Doesn't feel deserving of any. But he definitely could enjoy affairs sometimes, preferably with pretty vigorous people younger than him, as this sort of energy helps him to forget his own pathetic state for just some time.

(Gascoigne)

9) Headcanons about their past

Like the canon states, he did become a Father (religious) in his homeland, so he was seeking for a similar position in Yharnam. He was one of the unique cases of Old Hunter + Healing Church cleric hybrid, usually you are either one or another. He was fully authorised to do any of Healing Church practices while not having to subscribe to how Church's hunters operated!

He was not old enough to pass his status to someone else, but he did however leave his post and town because he knew he was sick and religion or not, his days were numbered. But it was a matter of honour to stay in the city that healed him and serve it to his best ability!

Religious aspect remained very important for him for a long while. In everything. Healing Church was a religious institution as well, so he revered its teachings with no less passion than Ludwig or Logarius. When Laurence happened to turn into a beast that was very traumatising for Gascoigne as he believed that vicar's holiness was supposed to protect him of all people. Healing Church deacided to blame foreigners for this (Brador, who always was near Laurence and a foreigner agreed to be a scapegoat just as long as Laurence's pursuit lives on). However, they made their grave mistake refusing to chase Gascoigne away and trying to rope him back in and have him covered for his services. He could not stand the corrupt attitude and left heartbroken, not able to find faith in anything again.

He got along with Henryk almost instantly which other Old Hunters were amused by because nobody could get along with Henryk! Needless to mention that his habit to be silent kept endangering fellow hunters when he'd be supposed to warn them; but Gascoigne's fighting style was so compatible with Henryk's that they did not need to communicate verbally to fight efficiently. Despite this, it was only when Gascoigne turned away from the Healing Church (and started to wear their sigil as a scarf to flaunt his disrespect) that Henryk decided to introduce him to his adopted daughter.

By the time Gascoigne and Viola had kids, whatever schools Yharnam had left were governed by Healing Church so the girls were home-schooled. As result, they both know more 'normal' things than any other kid in the town.

Naturally, Gascoigne snatched the key to Oedon Tomb by force as Healing Church not only created very unpleasant narrative against that chapel, but even planned on taking it down. He declared they'll only get to it through his corpse and that Chapel Dweller had way more righteousness and virtue than what they could have dreamed about. They could have taken him down by sheer amount, of course, but by that time remaining leaders decided against it for sentimental reasons, and the following staff just accepted a 'crazy guy' guarding the area as a given not questioning why he was being tolerated.

There was an attempt to rope him into League's mission that failed, as even seeing Impurity rune didn't do anything to Gascoigne. It was the same reason why Valtr stopped seeing Vermin too - internal loss of discern and acceptance that everyone deserves to die anyway. However, Gascoigne did not realise how much his spirit was broken then and later.

10) Content about them I’d like to see more of

Interactions with other characters! Like Maria, Djura, Gehrman, all that! The vector for majority of content for him is easy as he is already close with Henryk and has a marriage with kids, so exploring what other friends and what enemies he has sounds cool for me!

[act-addict-actors-matchups]

@otomeramblings said,

I'm a girl, 23 years old, around 162 cm, with medium length dark brown hair (almost black) and brown eyes. I'm one of those people who are often asked "are you okay? Are you mad?" and no, more often than not that's just how my resting face looks lol

I'm a Scorpio and an INFP. According to my friends, I'm usually very sweet but no one likes to be around me when I get seriously angry ^^; I guess it's because i'm generally very soft spoken and I try to avoid conflict as much as I can, and when I'm upset is one of the times when I actually raise my voice. I have people tell me that I'm smart, but I just consider myself to be an overall average person. It usually takes me a while to fully trust someone but once they've earned my trust, I cherish their friendship for life.

I can fluently speak English and Spanish, and I recently got my English Translation degree. I love to read (both novels and manga) and to discover new music, I also really like dancing (I did ten years of ballet) and I recently rediscovered my love for drawing and writing.

Qualities I would like in a s/o:

-passionate, about anything, really. I'm usually very reserved unless I have something I really want to talk about and I appreciate when others listen, and for that reason I love to listen to people talk about things they're passionate about

-mature, not in relation to his hobbies bit more so in the sense that he can have a serious conversation when needed and take responsibility for his actions.

-patient. Being introverted and kinda awkward, I usually need time to recharge after being social and even while spending time together there will probably be silences when I think of what to say or even times when I'd just rather we spent it doing our own thing while being together.

Qualities I don't like:

-shouting. I hate it when people shout at me when they're mad because it makes me tear up immediately, I would much rather you tell why you're mad in a calm tone so we can work things out.

✧ The way I scREAMED when I saw your url 🤭 I love your writing so much skdhksdhksjd thank you for requesting a matchup. 😳💞 Stay safe! I hope all goes well for you!

I’d match you with: . . .

➜ HOW YOU TWO FIRST MET ; The blue sky was dotted with fluffy white clouds that drifted lazily in the gentle breeze while you were on your way to buy new drawing pencils. Your current ones were not exactly in the best condition after being used too many times. A sigh escaped from you as you fastened your pace. In all honesty, you would rather stay at home and maybe watch one of your shows but you knew if you didn’t go out to buy those now, you never would. As one particular building came to your sight, you suddenly stopped in your tracks. It was a flower shop. The vibrant display of flowers covered the table outside. Bold purple, soft pink and light lavender flowers sat right in front of you as well as some others you didn’t know the names of. The sweet smell of blossomed flowers filled your nose as you inhaled and exhaled. They were so beautiful that you couldn’t help but to reach at a lavender, the purple petals felt like soft velvet against your skin. The chime of the door opening ringed into your ears, drawing your attention away from the flowers in front of you. A man with a blue striped T-shirt, a pair of black pants and black leather shoes came out of the building with a bag you thought had flower seeds in it. A brown trench coat with a blue inner lining slung over his shoulder, beautiful, dark blue hair rustling as he gave his thanks to the employee before closing the door. The man turned around and you swear you stop breathing for a moment, because oh my god how dare someone this handsome come in to your field of view without a warning. After realizing that you’ve been staring at a stranger for a good seconds, you hesitantly looked away. But just your luck, while you decided that it was the time to carry on with your mission, you dropped your purse to the ground. You groaned before bending over to pick it up but to your surprise, you see another hand reaching over it? And most importantly, you saw that it was that handsome stranger when you looked up??? He gave you a kind but awkward smile as he hold out your bag to you. You muttered a “thank you” before grabbing it. After that cliche moment, there was an awkward silence between you and the man, but he decided to speak up to start a conversation by asking if you liked flowers. The conversation smoothly flowed from there. He just had that aura of gentleness radiating that you couldn’t help but warm up to the stranger, who you later learned the name of, quickly. He even offered to accompany you to the shop you were going, which you agreed if he didn’t mind. Your relationship steadily developed from there. To be honest, it wouldn't be obvious at all that Tsumugi has a crush on you. He's friendly and sweet to everyone he meets most of the time so nobody thinks twice whenever he's with you, except maybe Tasuku. His underlying feelings for you would show in the little things he does, the way his eyes shine whenever you laugh, how his ears perk up whenever he hears your name, how he somehow memorized all your favorite foods after you offhandedly mentioned it once before. For someone who majored in psychology, it’s kind of hilarious how dense he is regarding his own feelings. He would mistake those feelings of his as a weirdly strong platonic attraction for you and continue spending time with you in hopes to appease the feeling but be confused as to why he always felt unsatisfied. He finally realizes how smitten he is for you after a long internal monologue he had after he almost had a heart attack when you hugged him once for whatever reason.

➜ PERSONALITY COMPATIBILITY ; Tsumugi is the walking epitome of every single thing you’re looking in a S/O. You want someone passionate about something? This man literally couldn’t give up on his dream and love for the performance art. He’d be more than willing to talk about how acting involved a broad range of skills, including a well-developed imagination, emotional facility, physical expressivity, vocal projection, clarity of speech, the ability to interpret drama etc. He’d try bunch of different gestures in front of you and ask you which one you liked the best. He also absolutely loves it when you are the one who does the talking. His strength is CANONLY listening to others after all. He just gives off this aura that compels you to think that you can talk about anything and everything with him. Just like you, Tsumugi has a great need for harmony and dislikes any conflict so if there were to be any fights, they would be resolved in a day or two with the two of you talking it out. He majored in Psychology in university, and is very good at reading people so if you’re both in a social gathering and he senses you need to take a break, he will hold your hand and walk you somewhere with less crowd and noise. When you want to be alone, he’d give you the space you need and if you want to spend time he would be there. He is a pretty clueless baby at the start and would try to ask people for help on dating advice. He will however remember every single memory you two will and have made. You’ll never see him forgetting any milestones in your guys’ relationship. His way of saying “I love you” is through the flowers he picks and grows. As someone who can be shy to vocally express his love for you, he handpicks each flower based on their meanings with the hope that they could accurately convey the emotions he holds for you. The very sight of your smile as you watch each tiny plant grow kindles a budding warmth inside him, as if he’s a bee intoxicated by the nectar of your happiness. And to him, the vision of you happy is prettier than any flower in his garden, pushing him to always keep you bright and blooming.

➜ SHARED ACTIVITIES ; Tsumugi canonly moon/stargazes with Misumi so why wouldn’t he do the same with his S/O? It’s a cool, romantic and surprisingly unique activity to do together. There aren’t many activities one can plan for a date that are sweeter or more intimate than a night spent together under a beautiful, sparkling sky. You would ask each other questions about one another, without being afraid of letting the conversation slow down. This is a date to relax and linger over. If not that, I can totally see him taking you to a botanical garden. These places are beautiful and not too busy in general. Bonus points if you bring a camera and get some nice photos together as a couple. i’m so soft rn 🥺 But I feel like your most common date would be either tending the garden in the mankai dorm or just doing your own little things while being together. You might be writing on the table while he’s going over his script for the winter troupe’s newest play one more time or he might be grading his student’s test, since he’s a tutor and all, while you’re drawing. I see Tsumugi as someone who reads a lot so maybe both of you can read the same book together and discuss it afterwards. These types of dates are great for discovering how the other person views the world. One might learn that their significant other is passionate about a social justice cause, their favorite author, or their philosophy of beauty. These dates are great for sparking good conversations and they are introvert friendly. Or something even better: reading aloud. Reading out loud to each other can be incredibly sweet. And, as spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport says, "just the fact that you are both close and sharing space is ... a nice way to spend an evening."

➜ ZODIAC COMPATIBILITY ; Tsumugi is a Capricorn, his birthday being December 28th. When Scorpio and Capricorn make a love match, they get an opportunity to not only enjoy a loving relationship and learn the value of being a pair, but also to grow and mature as individuals. These two may be wary about sharing themselves with one another at first, and this emotional caution may dampen the initial impact of this relationship. These two tend to be a bit cautious (Capricorn) and pensive (Scorpio), and it takes a while for them to feel comfortable with a significant other. Though they may be shy of getting involved and not the quickest to trust and share, these two Signs will discover that they can have quite a profound connection — one of friendship and deep loyalty. What’s the best thing about the Scorpio-Capricorn love match? Their determination toward shared ideas and their strong devotion to one another. They can open doors to one another’s souls and show one another new ways of perceiving and feeling.

[my-never-ending-nightmare]

11/18/2021

I know it must get tiresome having to scroll past these long, sometimes downright pathetic posts of me rambling to myself. And I know it must get pretty cringe inducing at times for anyone silly enough to actually read these. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again just to remind myself if nothing else: if I didn’t come on here for these lil’ stream of consciousness writing sessions then I really don’t think I’d have the luxury of being able to perceive my own thoughts from an outsiders perspective. Like, if you think it gets bad here then just imagine what it’s like inside my head 24/7 unless something has my complete & undivided attention thus grounding me completely in the here & now. But those kind of moments are fleeting. So, as I’ve said before, creating this Tumblr was probably the most therapeutic thing I’ve ever done for myself. And, to quote myself directly, “life is too short to be anything but embarrassingly genuine & unapologetically honest.” So the rambling does serve a constructive purpose for me personally, even if it is simultaneously incredibly embarrassing for me personally lol. Because without it I don't think I'd realize just how stupid, silly or counterproductive my thoughts can be.

While we're on the subject of rambling… there’s something about the last time I came here to make a personal post that left a bad taste in my mouth. Something about that post seems bitter and I can’t quite seem to put my finger on it. I was talking about what it’s like in your late teens & early 20s when you’re still just a kid and I think that there was honestly a mixture of resentment and regret over just how carefree that age truly is, as well as how much fun it is/was to be that irresponsible and naïve. Because, ultimately, they’re all just wasted days. And nobody seems to realize that until it’s too late. Like, when I see college age kids I just see people that enjoy all the privileges of being an adult and thus think they’re adults yet paradoxically don’t want to act like it because ultimately they’re not adults – they’re still kids, stuck in Neverland desperately clinging to the last days of their youth in blissful ignorance of just how rapidly life is going to change them in the coming years. Besides puberty I don’t think people, especially men, go through such a radical shift in their personality, values, and worldview as they do in their mid-20s.

Once you realize just how fast the clock is ticking for you and all that you love then you realize just how fragile and temporary all things are and as a result begin to discover who and what you truly want to be in this world. But while in that age that I’m talking about you feel as if you have all the time in the world and that there is no rush to do anything truly meaningful because on some subconscious level you really believe that you’re never actually going to get old. Like, they say often that young men think they’re invincible and that’s essentially true I'd say. At that age I literally did not care if I lived or died and never really thought that my choices or actions could have long-term consequences on my life & health because I also never thought that I actually could die. If that makes any sense. Like, I was all about the philosophy that life is short so make the most of every moment and have fun. Never stopping once to think that by living that way I was risking making my life so much shorter.

I may be an extreme example of what I’m talking about but everybody I knew at that age was guilty of varying degrees of what I’m trying to describe. And I see a reflection of myself and everybody I knew back then in every kid of that age that I see today. It’s honestly strangely endearing in some way because there’s something childlike & innocent about their naivety. You see it everything they do and say – work, school, relationships, love, sex – none of these things they take seriously. It’s all just about trying new things and seeing where they take you with the expectation that things will just sort themselves out in the end. Yeah, I've worked minimum wage at a grocery store for 3 years, but I won’t forever. Yeah, I’ve dated 8 different people in the last half decade and none of it worked out but that’s ok because maybe the next one will. Yes, my parents are paying an arm and a leg for my schooling and/or I’m going into debt for this but let’s fuckin’ party this weekend bro, I’ll graduate in the end right? Shit like that. It’s that kind of attitude that I’m trying and perhaps failing to describe. The belief that you have all the time in the world to find what it is you want in life and become the sort of person who can earn it. The belief that nothing you ever did was a mistake or a waste of time. The belief that you can just dick around and try new things instead of realizing that every day not spent actively moving yourself towards your long-term goals are wasted days that you’ll never get back and will forever regret. Every shitty, meaningless job you had. All the school assignment you put off and half-assed. Every single failed relationship and random hookup. All the things you didn’t take seriously – they’re all just wasted days that you’ll one day look back on and wonder why you were so content to squander your youth in pursuit of things you ultimately didn’t actually want when you could have instead been putting yourself one step closer to your end-goal. But nobody realizes that until it’s too late. Because, at that age, I don’t think anybody actually has an end-goal. Instead you think that you’ll just stumble into your end-goal someday and truly believe that all your wasted days and screwing around is somehow taking you one step closer to discovering what you want out of life once it magically appears in your life. No comprehension of just how much soul searching needs to be done before you discover what you want out of life, or how much work you’ll have to put into earning it.

That’s what I was trying to describe. And hopefully it’s what I’m doing a better job at describing now.

The belief that you’ll be young forever and that good things will happen for you as long as you do what feels good. It’s not until you’ve tasted enough of life and death that you start to realize just how much time you’ve wasted in the pursuit of things that didn’t make you happy and never would have. That realization comes with regret and bitterness, which, I guess, seeped through into my aforementioned post. But once that realization hit us, I and everyone I knew experienced a sort of soul-crushing revelation that impacted us to our core and changed us on a fundamental level.

We all grew up.

We all became different people.

We all left behind who we were and what we thought we wanted in exchange for who we truly are and the pursuit of what we actually want.

So that’s why it’s hard for me to take any 20 somethin’ year old kid seriously. Because I know that the person I’m interacting with is just a kid who refuses to admit it rather than the adult they think they are but have yet to become.

A 30 year old man has changed just as much in the last decade of their life as a 20 year old has. The only difference is that the 30 year old man has more or less solidified into the person they’re going to be for the rest of their life - with any serious changes being extremely difficult or even impossible. While a 20 year old on the other hand has seemingly limitless potential to become whoever and whatever they want to be.

That’s what’s so tragic about it all: the fact that youth is spent mindlessly enjoying the moment while daydreaming about all your options in life instead of realizing just how quickly all of your options are dwindling away. Most will have this revelation in time to make the most of the options they have left, but some don’t. And fewer still never do at all. But at the end of the day we’re all going to have to come to grips with the fact that life is short and the most crucial portion of our lives is even shorter. We’re all going to regret our wasted time and potential – it’s only a question of how much. And that’s entirely dependent on how soon, if ever, you realize that you have to create the life you want to live. Nobody hands it to you, and you’ll never just stumble into it. So was wasting 3 years of your life at that job you hated worth it? Was all the partying in college for a degree you impulsively chose worth it? Were all the people you dated worth it? Did any of it get you one step closer to the life you want? Or was it all just a distraction from the life you had?

Do you see yourself working the job you have right now in 10 years? Can you live comfortably off of your current salary or are you going to be barely scratching by? Are you ever going to own anything or are you always going to survive off loans and forever be in debt? Can you see yourself with your current partner for the rest of your life or is the relationship just convenient & the sex good? Do you love them or do you just hate being lonely and like the way they make you feel?

All questions you have to start asking yourself at some point. And then, depending on your answers, you better start asking yourself what you are doing to move yourself forward rather than wasting your time bogged down & spinning your tires in the mud of your life. Because if you don't then you'll become too comfortable in your current situation and inevitably become so bogged down that dislodging yourself becomes almost impossible.

But, then again, maybe I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about at all lol. These are all just thoughts, after all.

Thoughts.

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts.

Too many damn thoughts.