#who has tortured me and my friends
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i really. i really need cishet people in this fandom to please kindly stop inserting themselves into a community they are not a part of :) we are magnificently cursed with a fatal flaw. why would anyone ever ask for that. please stop trying to sound like us. you get to log off for the night and live in a word where homophobia and specifically lesbophobia dont haunt you. i do not have that luxury. please do not misrepresent yourselves as a group of people whom you have a long long history of mistreating and speaking over. thank you for understanding 🧡🤍💗
#there is a fine line between intense allyship and making a mockery of us#so let’s not please thank you#i get it if ur having a gay awakening#but when you’re the certified straight girl#who has tortured me and my friends#on this website for years#i know you’re not having a gay awakening so please. please. !!!!
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"And you loved her once, too. You were inseparable. I remember the day the Featheringtons moved in across the square. From that day on, it was, “Penelope this,” and “Penelope that,” and “Penelope and I are going to read Don Quixote, and we are going to be knights.”"
Eloise Bridgerton & Penelope Featherington in Bridgerton // We're In Love by boygenius
#she is to be your sister#there is a time when that would've been your dream#me writing a dissertation explaining the metaphorical karaoke that is eloise taking part in the social season the year that she is without#penelope and the year that penelope has started actively seeking a husband. do you get it. lady whistledown pays attention to society#and eloise scorned and heartbroken only readily walks into it when shes lonely and missing the friend who writes about society.#anyway. it makes sense to me . this is just an expression of the rot so I can try and fuckin. do my job instead of thinking about this#fictional lesbian who keeps falling in love with her friends without realizing it because she doesn't know about lesbianism.#bridgerton writers you are torturing her!!#eloise bridgerton#penelope featherington#peneloise#bridgerton#eloise & penelope#constantly thinking about colin essentially calling out his sister for being in love with his wife#and then whiffing it by saying or something like. lets think on that one colin#rent the musical voice “sisters?” “we're close”
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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ifrit's tail makes delicious food
#dali smoking was a surprise to me ngl#he and ipos#i love orias sm#babylus teacher content my beloved#theyre all<3333333#my friend was so confused and blanked out when i started to rant abt the teachers#and was like 'Who??' all the time regarding teachers who werent balam and kalego#</3#marbas is my favorite regarding concept and design#hes so plain and nice looking and you dont expect him to be the torture arts teacher#that and he has a sister who's kerori's manager at devimuse agency and then a relative who's now a freshman student#i think marbas has the most family branches we've seen of all teachers#all the teachers are just so interesting#robin orias and dali are the next three teachers i want to know more of not in that exact order#azz and ifrit's showdown and azz being able to hold up against a teacher was so cool though#and ifrit's remark on how azz was still daleth was interesting#what rank SHOULD he be ifrit??#im so curious as to what the teachers think of every misfit and student#mairimashita iruma kun#mairimashita! iruma kun#welcome to demon school iruma kun#welcome to demon school#iruma kun#mairuma
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don’t let sukuna being a hater ass bitch distract you from the fact that yuji is HIM
#i can’t stress this enough he been in this sorcery bs for 6 months and he’s tied the black flash record and learned rct#like sorry some of yalls faves could NNNNEVAH#like a certain special grade sorcerer who has no domain no rct no black flash no barrier tech—#but n e ways the day my son punches sukuna into the airport is the day i will truly live#bc that’s what he deserves for being taken advantage of and psychologically tortured#AND seeing his friend being psychologically tortured in an arguably worse way#we r so back#i know gege will somehow twist it so that sukuna gets out of this again but lemme have this for a few days LMAOOOO#they could never make me hate you yuji itadori#jujutsu kaisen#jjk manga spoilers#jjk 256#i think?? idk???#i keep forgetting these chap numbers its really crazy#early onset dementia kicking in full force for me#yuji itadori
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@void-of-unparalled-chaos did you see me going through Epic the musical tag on your blog? It's because you infected me. I am no longer sane. Because of you posting about Epic I went and watched both streams recordings on youtube and am currently making my way through literally every video about Epic on Jay's channel. I am obsessed. I ranted to my parents for an hour and then started sending memes to my friend who barely has any context. I am vibrating through walls. There is something fundamentally changed in me now. I am losing my sense of humanity. Please if you ever want to infodump and have someone to share your freaking out - message or tag me. I need to know every single detail and I'm too bad at noticing the motifs and instruments myself. Someone save me
#HE FUCKING FOUGHT GOD AND WON#he is so messed up#if anyone talks for me for longer than ten minutes we WILL end up discussing Odysseus torturing Poseidon#he couldn't afford therapy and chose the next best thing#aka torture the person who inflicted the most trauma on him#...my friend says it is not in fact the second best thing after therapy but ANYWAY#the gods will have to add “don't use the windbag as a jetpack to break the sound barrier” to the instruction for it after this#absolutely obsessed with the way the gods twice told Ody “all you have to do is not open this bag”#and twice he saw Poseidon and went “You know what. Actually I will.”#it's three am and I literally can't fall asleep because my head has the entire musical stuck in it and the songs are playing simultaneously#help
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Another Grant headcanon:
I think he wrote love notes when in relationships, and he went all out with like making the paper scented and stuff. But like he had no good perfume so he ended up using his horrible body spray. So like the lucky boyfriend would like find a paper reeking of the body spray like every once in a while.
Also I think he was someone who fell deep into romance because having a crush and feeling butterflies in his stomach was better than numbness. So he would pursue every crush even if he knew it would not end well because of the thrill of it. I think this sucked but I think he atleast felt like this is a normal way for life to suck.
#honestly I was thinking he continued the note thing with marco in college maybe?#and now marco likes the smell of the body spray even if grant found better perfumes cuz nostalgia#i think i am in my own la dee da world after this episode#where I think if willy takes a break from torturing the parents they should form a circle and become bffs#they should form a circle#toast to rebecca#and then just talk shit idk#i think they would be very funny as a group after they are done grieving#like cassandra would be like how could I have dated such a loser#he literally kidnapped like four of my exs ex friends and put collars on them when we were dating#and they would be like no its not your fault he is that manipulative#and then one of them would talk about their ex to comfort her#and then somwhow it would come out that willy is like the age of their grandparents#and cassandra would be like why did this senior citizen get me so bad#he told me to make him a sandwich and I#a multimillionaire made him a sndwich#this will probably never happen in canon#dndads#grant wilson#dungeons and daddies#the tags are their own seperate post at this point#dndads s2#looking back on this(tags)#all the spouses knew willy as a nice guy who saved them#rebecca was the only one who suspected him so thats why he killed her#they must be feeling so duped getting tortured except for marco who saw him kill a man#cassandra has been feeling duped since heaven#this is killing me all of them are having conversations in my head now the comedy and the pain is killing me mostly the comedy#marco li wilson#grant li wilson
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this scene is ruining my life at first I didn’t get it but now I get it and Aughdhyfhfheujfuejfjjfjfnv
#Kusuo learning from Akechi that competition can be fun and playful and not like. Torture.#And then learning that Kuusuke despite his shitty brother-isms is deep down seeking that exact thing#but just doesn’t know how to approach it#because of how their relationship functioned for years and how they both are#Like don’t get me wrong Kuusuke is uh. Not a good brother and his inferiority complex lead to him hating and mistreating his brother for#Many Years#And I don’t think this scene functions as forgiveness exactly (Kusuo still has resentment towards him in later arcs)#But I think it’s a moment where he realizes they’re both on some level really lonely people#Who have been fighting their whole lives#And being like “hey I don’t hate you. Let’s be friends instead of enemies.”#And Kuusukes response being “I should really be the one saying that to you”#I just. Like it’s a Start.#IDK like Kusuo was completely justified to hate his brother especially after something like the catgun arc#But he doesn’t and I think it’s because he realizes that his brother genuinely doesn’t hate him anymore#Their whole deal is just really interesting to me but idk how to phrase my thoughts on them coherently#The only thing I wish this arc had was Kuusuke having a “what did I do to you” moment but it is a comedy and we already got that from tori#so ynow#i just say he had that moment post meteor#does any of this make sense#Also it makes me so emo that he pictured akechi
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*writes the same exact headcannons in slightly different scenarios over and over again*
#it all comes back to my unicron-spawn Starscream and my quintesson-built Jazz#today I worked a little on us Starscream and qb Jazz becoming friends and getting a absurdly similar dynamic to how I write Prowl and Jazz#but I stopped that to work on a memory loss fic w that Jazz fighting his way from autobots to Starscream bc he was the only one who he#trusted with a complete memory back up as another not-cybertronian#and I stopped THAT to work on a qb Jazz/Prowl fic where it's non-essential no pain killer surgery that Prowl has to do on Hazx bc he refuses#to go to medics. partially bc the surgery is completely unsafe in any firm and partly bc qb Jazz doesn't want anyone else to know what he is#(and Prowl barely knows either)#but I only got a few sentences into that b4 I went to do an Autobot!DJD (AJD?) torture scene w qb Jazz where the nameless character to die#manages to tear open his chest while fighting back and finds nothing inside#BUT that's rlly similar 2 a fic where I've done the same thing w Starscream (the chest discovery in a scuffle bit) so I reread that before#I got distracted thinking abt my Starop fic that's all Starscream doesn't have a spark because he's a ghost Optimus Prime doesn't have a#spark because he's a lab experiment gone rogue. Misunderstandings ensue. which I adore but have no idea how to fit a plot into#so bc I couldn't think of anything more than a few sentences for that I went to my fic where ALL of the command trine formed from Unicron#but Skywarp and Thundercracker died early and Starscream spends millions of years searching all of cybertron and hoping Vector Sigma#reincarnation works for unicronians too. biiiig depression angst fic. I can't decide if I want it to end in Starscream self-inducing stasis#in one of Vector Sigma's chambers or whether I want it to end w Starscream brutally murdering the new trine member the reincarnated versions#of Skywarp and Thundercracker were made with (who ftr would be Sun Storm)#n that fic reminded me of that one rewritting of the Starscream's Ghost ep where Starscream catches a glimpse of Scourge and immediately#attacks. it's barely a fight because in seconds SS is ripping through layers of armor desperately searching for Thundercracker beneath the#shell Unicron gave him. He needs Thundercracker to be there (he isn't). Only when his claws have gone completely thru Scourge's back does he#round on the armada- only to completely ignore Cyclonus and go for one of his clones (Skywarp)#and that reminded me of- *gunshots*#do u see why I only ever manage to post ponies?? I have less ideas w them so I actually finish.#I'm worried of hitting tag limit but I have plenty more of even less fleshed out fics for us Starscream and qb Jazz#(I barely said half of what's in my writing docs)
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Do you ever think about the fact Teru just canonically hangs around the awakening lab kids. Like those are his buddies. Like it's very indicative of his character growth and a very good sign that he's growing as a person. But also it's so fucking funny can you imagine THAT friendship dynamic
it really is amazing like. i don’t even know it’s just very fun to rotate in my mind. also imagining teru and rei talking about how “kageyama” is so cool and hot or whatever and it takes them three conversations to realize they’re talking about different kageyamas.
(do you think teru was the one who explained all the things the awakening lab kids missed out on like “oh that’s ritsu not shigeo he was going by his brother’s name” or “yeah that guy wasn’t really the leader of claw he’s [shigeo] kageyama’s boss” or even “oh hey remember those guys who kidnapped you? we kicked their asses and they’re all cool now except for that one guy i probably killed lol”)
#ask!!#skye!!#the more i think about it the funnier it gets to me. do the awakening lab kids know their new friend/trainer has tortured several adults#or imagining a little scenario where it’s valentine’s day and hoshino is bragging about how many chocolates he got (two)#and then teru walks in with a grocery bag full of chocolate like ‘hey guys can you help me finish this i got too many to eat myself’#(sorry i love bullying hoshino. he makes it so easy)#mp100 spoilers#(for my Beloved Mutuals who have not finished season 1)
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I am loathe to say it’s the Devil’s taste.
Finally got around to redesigning my PC Tatyana. She’s my main character, but as mentioned, I haven’t gotten to play Demetria in campaign for a bit because she’s been sealed up in Ravenloft with another PC. I’ve said it before but my DM had every one of their players make two characters right off the bat in case of death. So far, I think everyone except one has had to play their backup because of temporary/permanent death or incapacitation. Smart move, then! I love playing Emilia but I miss Dima!
#curse of strahd#dnd#dungeons and dragons#dnd fanart#what’s happened to her since I last updated uhhhh#oh dima got bodied because strahd found out she brought back Leo. and by that I mean bitten.#She released a prisoner in Ravenloft and no one knows except Escher who she convinced to do it#mostly it’s been a tortured and gothic existence#dnd character#dungeons and dragons art#cos pc#CoS PC: Demetria#I redesigned Dima to better match what was in my head#and because I saw someone had tagged a piece of art of her (by a friend) as Ireena#I really didn’t want Ireena to be tagged as a hwite woman#even as a different character#it sort of fundamentally bugged me for weeks.#so I figured I might as well make the change I’ve wanted to since she was revealed as being the taty soul holder#not that every pc ireena/tatyana has to do this. just my personal cup o tea!#so uh yeah that’s it!!!!
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my dad watching yet another documentary about the criminal authorities of the 1990s Russia (nearly all of them assassinated by rivals): oh, I knew that guy. been to this one’s house. this guy was okay but he did stab several people. remember this one, I told you about him? he got killed in a police raid on live tv. very generous man but extremely fucked up.
me, having heard the stories multiple times, still asking to this day: dad, were you in the mafia?
dad, drinking his 8th espresso of the day: no, I was just really friendly and communicable with all sorts of people. although I’m still unsure how we managed to survive the nineties. oh, look, I met this one just a couple of days before he got gunned down near his own house.
yeah. wild.
#seriously tho if you look up the 90s in Russia#and the prominent criminals and the bratva (local mafia)#you’d be surprised at how fucked yo it was here before the start of the 2000s#like honestly people who lived through it are tough#my dad has a scar on his leg that he told me is from falling off a mountain#but it’s actually from that one time he was kidnapped and mildly tortured my the criminals for money#and he was never part of it all tbh but somehow all the criminal authorities saw him and went OH A GOOD FRIEND#pretty sure my dad can befriend inanimate objects but like#he knew some very VEEERYYY interesting people#one of his close friends was also assasinated but he wasn’t that much of a criminal#that was just payback for smth and his daughter was my sisters classmate#I’m telling you… wild times#vicsy personal
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My fave thing about the WxS dynamic is that emu/rui/miku are always like tsukasaaaa it’s 3pm it’s time to make you do incredibly dangerous and life threatening stunts!!! & tsukasa is just like ok 😔 into the cannon I go 😔 while nene (arguably the most normal and sane person in WxS who could easily put a stop to this) is like yeah see you later idiot. Bye. (Not looking up from whatever game she’s playing)
#project sekai#i think tsukasa and nene should have mlm/wlw hostility. they’re friends nene just thinks he’s a dumbass.#kaito comes back to the sekai and everything is on fire. lives have been lost.#rui and emu planning some truly heinous things to put tsukasa through and nene is just like 😐👍🏻 sure#he’ll be fine & it’s like enrichment to him if you don’t launch your tsukasa out of a cannon once a week he has too much energy#and will start yelling at random passerbys that he’s gonna be a big star one day#rui 🤝 emu: torturing their good friend tenma tsukasa for funsies#i love the convos tsukasa has with them both where he’s like you want me to do WHAT (does it anyways) he’s so funny…#my favorite little group of clowns… the silliest geese…#i also think this is why kaito is the vocaloid most associated w WxS because they need a responsible person and that will not be miku.#in general their dynamic as a group fascinated me but like also their individual dynamics…#emu is the first person to try really hard to be nene’s friend. nene is teaching emu to sing.#tsukasa and rui being the weirdo wombo combo at their school and rui thinking tsukasa has star power#rui and nene being childhood friends who drifted apart & rui building the nene robot…#rui and emu being so so so attatched to wxs even if their friends want to move on & enabling each other’s insanity…#emu seeing tsukasa fail his audition and being like I Want That One :) and he grows to really respect and care abt her… ough I love them#nene and tsukasa getting past their beef and becoming friends…
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Sorry for being so rambly today (and last night) I have thoughts so onto the blog they go
I feel like part of the joy of art is in community, like you create something and you get to talk about it and share it with the world. This year I lost touch with the friends who I would always talk about art with and I think that loss is heavily impacting my ability to create (and the enjoyment I get from it.) I miss having a new idea and getting to ramble about it excitedly. I miss texting people the sketches and the mock ups and the color palettes.
I got into art for me. I wouldn’t show anything I made to anyone for years. So I’m no stranger for creating for the target audience of myself. Still, I miss that sense of community. I love this blog and I absolutely adore the lovely comments you all leave on my art but sometimes it feels so one-sided on here. I post a piece, I receive a lovely tag back and that’s it. End of story. I spend hours and hours working on something and it kind of disappears into the void in a day or so.
Trying to put it into words, but I think I wish I could create art that starts a conversation. That inspires people to create their own things in response, or even just talk with me about process. I think the perfectionism has gotten out of hand lately because I feel like I’m missing something—which I attribute to the quality of the piece—but really what I’m missing is buddies to chat about art with. There is no level of being “good enough” that will serve as a substitute for a real community.
#ahaha if you can’t tell I am a very introspective person#and a lonely one the transition to college has been rough and all my friends are back home#anyways I was thinking about drawing more stuff for my ocs today#and then I remembered the friend I loved to talk about them with hasn’t replied to me in a month#which is understandable. she’s busy. she made new friends. she’s not struggling like I am so it makes sense that she’s just kind of moved on#but I miss her#I had no chance of making it to her in group because all her friends she met through dance and I can’t dance for shit#I don’t even think she meant to ghost me but who knows#it sucks that I won’t get a real goodbye#anyways all of that to say I was going to draw my ocs and then I got so sad because who would I even share them with#there are a few art groups on campus but I have anxiety and mild agoraphobia and when I try to go I just feel awkward and shy#anyways if anyone ever wants to chat about art#it’s only one of my fav things in the whole world#lea talks#WHY CANT I BE A PROPER TORTURED ARTIST#WHY CANT I TURN MY ISOLATION INTO SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL#WHY DO I NEED SOMEONE ELSE TO BE PRESENT IN THE PROCRESS#is it not enough to descend into a quiet madness on my own and create from that??
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i fucking hate taylor swift
#call me parasocial for it i don’t care#she’s annoying her music is bland and i’m tired of everyone acting like she’s not a white feminist#and did i mention that her music is BLAND#she is not a tortured poet and the chokehold she has on some of yall is crazy#giving off literal snooze fest vibes#and i’m NOT throwing stones in glass houses bc olivia rodrigo isn’t fucking 30 talking about getting fingered by her loser gamer boyfriend#<< okay disclaimer that i only said that bc my friend (who also doesn’t like taylor swift) said that was a lyric#but even then olivia rodrigo isn’t fucking 30 with an album called the tortured poets society. corny as hell ma#fuck it and while i’m here i kinda feel the same way about sabrina carpenter#her music is soothing for the most part for me#but since her outfits are cute i’m looking the other way#and she also doesn’t pretend to be progressive shes literally just having fun being sassy
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Favourite Gothic Horror Women in Videogames: Laura Victoriano | Bela Dimitrescu | The Shade
#crimson's gifs: resident evil#Crimson's Gifs: The Evil Within#The Evil Within#Resident Evil#Resident Evil 8#RE8#Resident Evil Village#REVII#RE#TEW#The Evil Within 1#TEW1#TEW 1#Bela Dimitrescu#Laura Victoriano#The Shade#Theme: Gothic Horror#Theme: Goth#Theme: Blood and Gore#Theme: Feminine Power#I literally couldn't think of another game I own that has gothic horror ladies who are goth in it aside from TEW1 and RE8#I tried so hard im very sorry lads i don't own anything I could use or like aside from these two#I don't even like re8 full disclosure but the bright spots of it for me were the Dimitrescu sisters (their gothic style is very close#to how I dress) and Elena (idk if thats how you spell it) and also the Baby in Donna's House. Did not enjoy everything else and hated how#Mia was treated as she was villainised for stuff Miranda did and tortured AGAIN and then painted like a deadbeat mom despite us only knowin#a small bit of the story#Mia was my favourite part of RE7 so what they put her though in RE8 supremely pissed me off. At least Zoe and her are canonically friends!#Anyways I had to grit my teeth and play 8 for these two gifs yall better like them! LMFAOOOO#I might do a part 2 or a few more parts to this if i buy more games and have access to knowing more gothic horror women. We need more!!!#Next post will be my last I use TEW in for a bit btw I'm clearing my 20 odd drafts so I can make fresh sets and not stare at them with rage
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