#who has hurt me more than anyone else; and like she is an AWFUL person - but she was still my first friend and crush

[wlw-venting-blog]

Unrequired sapphic culture is writing a whole movie script about the horrible homophobic girl who neglected your friendship and never accepted you as gay because you're in love with her and you hate her and- *whisper* wait, that's just me?!

Fuck

[lilybecca1]

So I noticed something when I was looking at how Izuku smiled at Katsuki...something about it just seemed familiar and I couldn't put my finger on what it was.

Until NOW

Like the way his smile just looks so fond, it's different than how he usually smiles at other people. There's just something about it that just screams that it's the look of love to me. But I couldn't really explain it or compare it to anything else before.

Well now I finally put two and two together and realized what it reminded me of...THIS MF

The way he looks at Marinette, he was so obviously in love with her, like can y'all see it too? The way his eyebrows relax and scrunch upwards, that fond smile.. IT'S LITERALLY THE SAME

I think generally animators have similar ways to show expressions, and this fondness, this genuine awe is something that I have also seen quite a lot of times before. That smile and that expression that you hold for the person that means so much more to you than anyone else, who you genuinely love from the bottom of your heart because they've shown a side to life and feelings that you never knew before. That smile is reserved for the person who your life wouldn't be the same without.

And his small laugh here ahhhyhshxhsjsj

It's such a sweet laugh like how Adrien laughs at Marinette too because he finds her awkwardness sweet.

And when you look at the parallels, it's so obvious. Like the moment Cat Noir realized he was in love with Ladybug as he looked up at her in awe:

And Katsuki's proud smile as he was looking up at Deku:

Then there's the fact that they both blindly trust each other because they know that the other would always win and save the other, no matter what:

Even Cat Noir sacrificed himself so much in the past for Ladybug to win, because he knew she'd always win..just like how Bakugo sacrificed himself for Izuku because he knew he'd never give up

"You know I like to fight by your side. But against you? Never"

"I could never hurt the person I love"

But that's not all. Remember the APOLOGY scene IN THE RAIN when Marinette fell in love with Adrien?

Yeah, now look at the Bakudeku version of it. The fact that Adrien and Bakugo both opened up and apologized and both of it happened in the rain..and look at Izuku's reaction to the apology. You can't tell me that he didn't fall in love a little at that moment just like how Marinette did. It's literally the same minus all the blushing and the smiling.

Want more? Well, here's Season 4 ending when Cat Noir reached his hand out to Ladybug, giving her back the hope after she has already lost all of it. Showing her that they can still do it, together. That she hasn't lost everything as long as he's still there. Reminds you of something?

And then as they look out at the distance with newfound hope...just like how Bakugo and Deku did at the cliff in that one Memories episode.

There are literally SO MANY parallels between them, and this is a CANON COUPLE that we are talking about, who are CANONICALLY IN LOVE. This is NOT a coincidence. Even if these are not meant to be parallels, the fact that they are so similar means that their dynamic, their relationship is very similar. So if we took bkdk in Miraculous context, then they'd be a couple. If there was even a tiny bit of flirting between them, it would be undeniable. In Miraculous, they are meant to be a couple, so it's obviously portrayed in their interactions that there is something between them. In MHA however, they are not specifically made to be canon, but their dynamic is essentially the same. They are the person that they trust the most, they rely on each other, trust each other with their life. They have no doubt in the other, they know that the other would always win. Their life wouldn't be the same without the other. They're Yin and Yang, just like Marinette and Adrien. The Sun and Moon.

Bonus:

The way she holds Cat Noir's tail reminds me a lot of how Izuku was holding Bakugo's tie lmao

When their eyes meet

Ladybug getting angry at the villain for hurting Cat Noir like Deku losing it when Bakugo gets hurt

[woodchipp]

Hot take: jokes about censoring Jimmy's name or on the vein of "I'm sorry you had to draw J*mmy, here let me edit it out for you :(" are not just childish, but miss the whole point of the story.

Jimmy is not some sort of unique Satanic evil. He's not worse than many, many other villains who have committed murder, rape and abuse. The whole point of his character, which is obvious from his design, is that he is a common man. His awful actions stem from human desires and fears, like the loss of a job, a life of "struggle", and the desire of control and appreciation.

Refusing to acknowledge him, censoring him, reducing him only to "that asshole who raped Anya", comes from the same desire to dehumanize criminals: the belief that there is a category of people beneath us, and only they are capable of horrible actions. Which is the opposite of what Mouthwashing, as a story, shows, which is how easily one can just... not do the right thing, and hurt others.

(also Swansea is nowhere near the badass hero the fandom hypes him as. bro was just as much of a sexist to anya as jimmy, and probably reacted to her confession by telling her to get drunk)

Strongly agree | Agree | Neutral | Disagree | Strongly disagree

I don't have much to add. Not only is reducing Jimmy to "that asshole who raped Anya" a very simplistic and surface-level reading of him as a character, it's also a reductive reading of Anya as a character. She is the kind of person who wonts to see the best in other people, she can be playful and competitive, she's attentive to the point of noticing the smallest things and problems, she has a knack for photography, she's able to deduce the mouthwash couldn't be used as a disinfectant at a glance - point is, she's so much more than what Jimmy did to her.

She's a great, tridimensional character and I like her a lot <3

As for Swansea, the man himself explicitly says Daisuke's death is the only regret he's got at the end of the day. I think people tend to forget that while he genuinely cared about Daisuke, he also didn't give a shit about anyone else.

Considering that he has to have noticed Anya's bloodied corpse while searching for disinfectant in the medbay, the fact he doesn't mention Anya in his last speech whatsoever directly implies he didn't consider her/her death important enough to mention.

[brujahinaskirt]

Okay, I obviously made the above post as a leetle joke, but since it's getting not insignificant traction, I do want to offer a more serious note.

I love this about Arthur. It's probably my favorite thing about him, but let me use this fresh new RDR2 meta post to clarify exactly what I mean. Despite the aspects of his personality & appearance that are traditionally hypermasculine, and despite how often he is annoyed with people (especially incompetents or people who meddle with his plans), Arthur is decidedly NOT annoyed by the social performance of femininity or by traits that are/were frequently stereotyped as feminine. Ever. Regardless of subject. I might go so far as to say he seems to canonically prefer hanging out with women and with "feminine" men.

Your long-winded, bullet-pointed analysis is below!

The Girls. Most noticeably, Arthur actually sits down to talk with and actively confides in the camp Girls (Tilly, Mary-Beth, Karen) more than anyone else around. These three are the most traditionally "girly" (single, 20s, active, pretty, unattached, highly social, feminine, chatty) members of the gang, though of course they are still criminals and don't perfectly adhere to all period-typical standards of feminine comportment. He doesn't mock the girls** like he sometimes does with other auxiliary members of the gang (like Uncle and Pearson, playful or not). Notably, he doesn't even gently tease Mary-Beth for writing her "silly" romance novels, a highly feminized hobby which she speaks about in a self-depreciating manner, much like Arthur speaks about his own artistic hobbies. Rather, he talks to her about writing like a peer and encourages her to write more by going out of his way to get her a nice pen. Crucially, there is no canon romantic or sexual interest in any of the girls on Arthur's behalf. He just feels the most comfortable in their company and seems to value their advice/opinions on life the most. To me, this is much stronger proof than his forever-burning torch for the cultured & ladylike Mary, which is (or was once) rooted in romantic desire. ** Unless the player persists in Antagonizing them, and these lines (while sometimes shockingly cruel and offhandedly sexual in nature; see Arthur teasing Tilly about pursuing Javier) are largely about goading them for laziness or, in Karen's case, her alcoholism. That said, many of the Antagonize lines strike me as clumsily tacked-on & poorly rooted in canon, which could indicate: (1) an Arthur who is deliberately trying to be disruptive (a generous interpretation), or (2) writers instructed to add throwaway content that will make a certain type of childishly misanthropic gamer (think 13 y.o. boys) squeal in glee with relatively low impact on the overall story.

Campmates. Following the above point... who doesn't Arthur hang out with much? The manly men of the gang; the very people social mores suggest he ought to be hanging out with. Bill, Micah, Joe, Cleet, and even Dutch. (To some extent, this includes John and Sean, but I'd say John sort of lives at the edges of gang life anyway, and Sean is, well, Sean.) Conversely, which male gang members does Arthur hang out with a lot? Sweet little bookish Lenny, a wordy, positive-energy, breezy intellectual who has just barely become an adult. Introspective, soft-voiced, long-haired Charles, who is traditionally masculine by some standards (strong, usually calm, can be standoffish) but decidedly NOT so when his appearance/demeanor is judged by the white Christian American male standards that began to dominate masculinity concepts in the later decades of the 1800s.

Algernon. Oh, my, Algernon. Arthur clearly dislikes Algernon's fancy, loud, outrageous clothing. But weirdly, he seems to like Algernon, not just tolerate him. Arthur in fact goes through significant personal discomfort to avoid hurting Algernon's feelings (the awful hat, the POST.MAN. sobbing), and he immediately says yes to having tea with him without any awareness of a coming business proposition, though half the time Arthur clearly has no fucking clue what Algernon is talking about. I am left to conclude that on some level, he just enjoys hearing Algernon talk, which is word-for-word what he says while listening to the Girls argue about romance novels ("I just like listening to you [all] talk." Hello????). I mean, for God's sake, he meets the man while he's choking to death on a nut at a fancy party, and the second thing Algernon does is tell him he looks like a guy who wears a corset. If anything was going to set off the boiling defensiveness of a dude who worships masculinity, thirty seconds with Algie would have done it.

Margaret, Mistress of Fucking Danger. It's pretty clear Arthur doesn't like Margaret. But that has little to do with Margaret's femininity & cross-dressing (this doesn't faze him at all when Charles Châtenay does it; more on that below) and everything to do with Margaret's deceptiveness and highly selective memory. It's not until the bullshittery unveils itself that Arthur starts getting visibly pissed off at Margaret. Conversely, Arthur does seem more positively disposed toward Sally Nash. (That said, this quest has a lot of problems and poorly aged lines that are depressingly easy for a politically motivated jerkoff to soundbite and miscast as Rockstar being pro-bigot. Cue 800 heterobnoxious gamerbro ARTHUR MORGAN ULTIMATE ANTI SNOWFLAKE SIGMA MALE OF THE WEST YouTube videos.)

Albert, my beloved. Rather than goading him to man up, Arthur tries to persuade Albert (whom he very obviously likes) to pick safer animal photography subjects, e.g. horses, and doesn't insult him for his lack of wilderness knowledge (an aspect of traditional manliness that is highly relevant to Arthur's lifestyle). You'd think he would tear into him for this shortcoming, given that they share so many of the same interests and passions, and IMO his genuine eagerness to serve as Albert's protector and facilitate his art is highly convincing evidence that Arthur does not necessarily view masculinity as a net positive.

Arthur is a basic goddamn boyfriend-hater. He pretty much harshly disapproves of every husband, boyfriend, male partner, etc. in the game and is very, very vocal about it... except one extremely unlikely candidate: Beau Gray. Weak, dandy artist Beau Gray, whom Arthur takes one look at and promptly hands the only gun to Penelope. Arthur is curt and impish to Beau at times, but helps him in his relationship troubles willingly (without collecting repayment), and seemingly for no other reason than the fact he can see that soft, fearful Beau is genuinely head-over-heels in love with Penelope. Is he projecting his own young love for Mary onto them? Maybe/probably, but Beau could not possibly be more different from young Arthur, and Arthur seems to believe this difference will make him a good husband for Penelope. A good husband, in Arthur's view, seems to simply be a man who ardently loves his beloved, regardless of his ability to provide for/protect her, and whose only goal in life is to live that life at her side. This is completely antithetical to mainstream late-1800s views on what constitutes a good husband and what it means to be a man.

Châtenay. Arthur shows us some of the most obvious delight and mirth he experiences in the game when he's hanging out with Charles "Allo Boys" Châtenay, who is straight up in drag a third of that time. This baffles Arthur a little, but doesn't disgust or repel him. I've written about this mission elsewhere at greater length because it is one of my favorite disasters, but it's worth mentioning here too.

Trelawny. Arthur clearly enjoys Trelawny despite his grumbly claims to the contrary. Most of these "claims" are just Arthur's established way of affectionate teasing (he does much the same with Uncle and Pearson, both of whom he genuinely likes). His authentic gripes about Trelawny are all about a perceived flightiness/lack of loyalty to the gang, not about his flamboyance. And even these gripes are half-assed, in Arthur's usual way.

Bluegills & Daisy Chains. One of the most genuine moments of softness we have with Arthur in RDR2 is when he takes Little Jack out of the camp to go fishing. Arthur's usually a much truer version of himself when he doesn't have to play the Big Bad Gang Lieutenant role, but this moment of escape is especially important, and not just because Arthur reveals his fondness for children and his natural understanding of how to talk to them. I notice this: Arthur tries to gently teach Jack about fishing, and Jack is completely fucking uninterested. Jack prefers to make flower chains for his mommy. Arthur doesn't scold him for his drifting attention or his lack of attraction to masculine past-times; on the contrary, Arthur goes out of his way to encourage and protect Jack's natural sweetness and innocence. That's a wild stance for a murdering outlaw to have re: the "next generation" of his family. Hell, I've encountered far too many 21st century dads in my own family who flip their shit when their tiny sons prefer hanging out with women & partaking in "womanly" hobbies like art, cooking, and flowers rather than hunting and fishing.

"...and be a god damn man." This seems like classic masculine bluster on the surface, but what does this keynote line mean in the context in which Arthur says it? Well, it's complicated. This statement serves as (a) Arthur's goodbye to John, (b) Arthur's final call to action for John, and (c) Arthur's last wish for his brother's life. But it certainly does not mean standing and fighting or being tough; i.e., "dying like a man." In that moment, it means abandoning all masculine bluster and revenge fantasy, and running away: leaving violence and fighting and brotherhood and all that crap behind to simply be there (alive, present) for your wife and son.

The Best Women People. Who are the best people Arthur knows, by his own crystal-clear declaration? Abigail and Sadie. Sadie's a rough-and-tumble, super-violent gunslinger and Abigail's a stubborn thief & a former sex worker (in the time Arthur has known her), but they are also, critically, two wives: the most traditional feminine role for a woman of the time period (and indeed perhaps most of human history once the concept of "wife" subsumed that of "mother"). It's also important to note that Arthur doesn't truly give up on Dutch until Dutch abandons Abigail, which serves as Arthur's point of no return. The other men left in the gang at this point specifically note that she's "just a woman" and not worth going back for. Arthur is straight-up shocked by all of this; he obviously considers her among the most worthwhile and value-having members of the gang, and certainly one of the most core members of the gang. Without any hesitation or doubt, the instant it's clear Dutch is cutting Abigail loose, Arthur declares: "That's that, then."

tl;dr: Arthur unironically prefers hanging out with women and queens and I love that for them.

[ivys-garden]

Alright, I'm going to write my own thoughts down on the situation, sorry if this gets rambly

First of all, Shubble is so brave for speaking up, it's really hard for victims to speak up against there abusers in a public setting and she deserves all the respect in the world for it

That being said we do need to be mindful to give her space, this was a really traumatic thing for her and we all need to be mindful of that, give her room to breath.

On the same lines, don't go after other ccs for not ""releasing statements"", content creators aren't companies, there people. Don't get on at them for not publicly supporting Shubble, especially since there undoubtedly doing it in private, which is probably better than shoving it out there for millions of people to see. Let people support there friend in a way they and shubble are confortable with, if shubble wants them to say something or they think they need to say something themselves, they will say it.

It's like Pearl said, just because you don't see something happening publicly doesn't mean it isn't happening

Also, don't jump to call Tommy or Phil or Grian or anyone else enablers because they haven't said anything, they'll need time to process this too, it's hard to find out that your friend is a domestic abuser, let them process this in piece and don't try to cancel them over nothing like a fool. (People like Tommy will need time especially since Wilbur befriended them when they were young and by all accounts manipulated them too)

If anyone of these people have anything they feel they need to say they'll say it when there good and ready, good life tip folks:Don't Harass People. Especially if they have almost nothing to do with this (honestly Saw someone say they were going to go on to fucking RT about this despite him not knowing either person very well, the fuck)

I know why people do it, they want to make sure there favourite content creators aren't also bad, but they are people and they deserve respect, I can garentee you that almost no Qsmp or Hermitcraft or Other MCYT member who knew him stands with Wilbur

(Also if anyone brings Techno into this fuck right off let the man rest.)

Also, some brain dead morons are saying that people calling out wilbur are doing it for clout and that they should have done it sooner, but most of the abuse happened in private, and wilbur manipulated others, many wouldn't have realised anything was wrong and if they did its still better and more respectful to come forward after shubble since its HER story to tell.

(This attack also doesn't work anymore because we have things like tubbos stream, where he actively discourages his chat from treating him like a hero for speaking out, but yeah sure they all don't give a shit about shubble and just want to make themselves look better, fuck outta here)

Now, if your a former wilbur fan, let me make this super clear

DONT WATCH HIM AND DONT LISTEN TO HIS MUSIC

"BuT SePuRaTe ThE ArT FrOm ThE Arti-

Nah. That doesn't work here. You can separate a book or game or movie, you can't with a cc. Its there face, there voice, there personality. Find a different band, find a different CC to watch. There are other options, I know it sucks to find out someone you like did an awful thing,but that doesn't mean we should support those people for our sakes, especially when people were actively hurt by there actions. Trust me everyone, this will get better, things will go back to how they were before

Finally, this should go without saying, Fuck William Gold to the core of teh fucking earth. And any who still support him.

He is a raging egotistical manipulator and abuser. don't blame people for not seeing it sooner, no one can do that. What we can do though is blame people who still wholeheartedly support him and his actions.

He has not "changed" nor will he ever at the rate at which he's going. He's still a egomaniac who's more concerned with saving his image than actually apologising for his actions, even then an apology wouldn't fix all he's done,it would just be closer and a jumping off point to be better, but he can't even fucking do that.

If wilbur does reflect and grow, good on him, but if he doesn't then I can say with absolute certainty we wouldn't fucking miss him.

Fuck Wilbur. Support Shelbym

[totallynotokguys]

Lego Monkie Kid Rewatch: Season 3

Episode 9, The King, the Prince, the Shadow Part 2/2

"Does anyone else feel like-" "We've been here before? Yeah. Its weird, right? But- I ah- know I haven't." "Me neither. And yet this place feels so familiar." "Nah. Not me, man. This is all new to me."

Remember when I said that a lot of characters keep wrongly comparing MK to Wukong, like MK is supposed to be the next Wukong. Well…. that wasn't just at the characters. That was at us the fans too. Up until this season, I too just thought of MK as the next Monkey King. It just felt right. Pigsy was Zhu Bajie, Tang Tang Sanzang, Mei as Ao Lie, and Sandy as Sha Wujing. Simplistically, I assumed MK was supposed to be this new version's Monkey King. But he's not. He's not like the rest. He's not part of their story- at least he wasn't supposed to be.

MK was never meant to be here... to experience this, or them. And this season is when the show really starts opening our eyes to it.

(Also… I think this proves pretty definitively that Sandy is not the still alive Sha Wujing. With his flashback in To Catch a Leaf, I was so sure. I mean, look at those old looking weaponry?!)

(But unless Sha Wujing has amnesia that conveniently lets him forget the Samadhi Fire incident, than he really is just the reincarnation instead of the original.)

"It is on brand for you to have a worse version of everyone elses powers."

Ouch. Also… is this a hint at Macaque having been a clone of Wukong once upon a time? Like, in Shadow Play, Macaque chooses to feature a lot of Wukong and his clones for some reason, especially when speaking of the Warrior and Hero being a team. Strangely, some of those clones look an awful lot like Macaque.

Or could this be a hint at season 5 where its revealed Macaque's shadow powers are more like certain other being who shall not be named for sake of spoilers?

Loud Annoying Wukong: "What? You got what you wanted, didn't you? Not going to gloat, monologue a little bit before scurrying off to your master?"

Inner Panicking Wukong: "Ah drat! He's totally gonna know those are fake. Quick! I gotta distract him into wasting more time!"

"Wukong!"

I'm pretty sure that's Ne Zha's favourite word. He says it almost every second. Might even be his catch phrase.

"Oh, so the piece of paper just magically made a bunch of light!" "That's exactly what happened and you know it!"

Ah, I love these two.

"Stop! If you hurt that kid I'll-" "What. Make things worse for MK?"

Like I said last time, bad hero, good mentor. He cares about MK more than anything else right now. This same kind of protective passion has happened before, back in the Journey to the West. Wukong is good at devoting himself to one person, and tolerating everyone else for the sake of that person.

"Glowy mystic symbol thingies are always never good!"

Proceeds to touch said glowy mystic symbol thingies.

AWWWW! Tang trying to protect Mei!

I love the majority of the adults in this show. They do their best to help the kiddos and protect them, even when those kiddo's are typically more powerful than them. Tang, Pigsy, and Sandy understand that young one's always need to be cared for.

THIS SHOT THIS SHOT THIS SHOT!

I totally missed this shot the first time around! OH MY GOSHNESS SANDY I LOvE YOU!

Once again Macaque forgets about Mei.

I'm starting to see why she and Macaque were put in a team together in season 4. She is, strangely enough, his blind spot.

And once again I am shaking my head at the way the show treated Macaque's supposed redemption arc. Look at the way he's treating her, the way he's treating them all! The fear and pain he causes them!

Bashes MK repeatedly into the ground until he is unconscious.

Threatens Mei's life while holding her by the throat.

Forces the parental figures to watch their kids get ruined.

Forces Tang to choose the life of his friends over the sake of the world.

The trauma this guy is causing them- and they just never bring it up? Mei should have held the largest grudge Katara style until Macaque made it up to her! Tang should be absolutely afraid to go near Macaque after the moral trauma the simian caused him. Pigsy should throw a spoon at him every time he darkens his door way with all his ping pong master might. Sandy should constantly keep Macaque between himself and the kids as a protective barrier everytime the shadow comes around.

Until Macaque makes it up to them, apologizes and tries to do right by them all... they should have continued to treat him with fear, anger, and wariness.

"But he was under LBD control' you say. 'He had no choice."

No he wasn't. This threatening, this danger he puts them in? That was for his own gain. Macaque wanted the Samadhi Fire to escape LBD. He was in control of his actions here. He was going to take the power needed to break her control over him and then dip, leaving the mortals to parish under LDB's rule. Sure, he was probably in pain and obviously scared for his life- but that doesn't excuse the choices he made and the trauma he caused.

It's like Macaque said last episode. You have to look out for yourself, no one else.

[literalite]

mistki's the land is inhospitable and so are we (2023)!! as edits featuring mine and some of my friends ocs 😁 had a lot of fun with this project... rough explainer of how/why each song corresponds to each character/s under the cut because i love symbolism and talking! sorry it is long

bug like an angel - sapphire

without spoiling too much of her story and arc... sapphire's life is not easy. she's hurt by people she cares for and who care for her, although inadvertently, and in turn hurts people who she cares for and who cared for her, also not by her own volition. it's kind of a terrible truth that you will harm and be harmed by the people you love, even when you and they truly don't want to. it's up to you how much you're willing to take and deal. you can't keep every promise you make and you can't right every wrong. but you have to keep trying anyway. that's sapphire's strength, and the core of her goodness and why i personally consider her one of my favourite ocs. i chose to depict bug like an angel in mitski's more positive interpretation here and in that light i think it works best for saph

buffalo replaced - heiya

well first and foremost the vibes of the song fits heiya perfectly fhgjk but also lyricism and tone... yep. quick breakdown of heiya's background since i doubt i'll ever be able to do it properly she's an interesting character for me because she like a lot of my other characters has lost. everything. she had a wife and a child and they were both killed and she had to leave her home again and again and unlike how some of my others would have taken this she has never flagged in her unwavering dedication to preserving hope. for herself for her people for the future etc etc. which is a very fucking difficult thing to do! the world changes faster than you can keep up with it sometimes but for heiya she will not let herself tire and be swept away in it all. people rely on her. she's a guiding star as much as she is a woman. she's a lover and a fighter and thats what buffalo replaced means to me! so

heaven - vinny and caleb

i feel like of all my oc couples so far they have like. the sweetest most kind of simply mutually trusting dare i say straight forward love. they just love each other so much and thats all. the world could end around them when theyre together and it'd be okay truly. also yeah vinny is ostensibly in heaven now bye angel i feel like this one was pretty self explanatory. me and who WHEN

i don't like my mind - sunny

he just like me fr (said in denji voice) anyways wow ha. unstoppable unending guilt due to past actions that haunt your every waking moment? throwing yourself into any and all distraction just to take your mind off it, filling your time with other shit so that past sin doesnt for once echo in your awful and hollow brain? this song is perfect for sunny honestly just that sentiment also the "please don't take this job from me".... sometimes the coping is worse. you can be proud of something because you can do it better than anyone else even if that thing is terrible

the deal - wolfgang munch by @gunthermunch

Wolfgang Amadeus Munch. umm this will make more sense later on but it still kind of makes sense now i think. he doesn't want to be himself he keeps . leaving and moving and running away from his own memories his own self in reaction to others. if he could pawn it all off he would. if he could be better in an instant without having to feel every agonising second of change he would! but thats not how the world works. or is it. read munch by gunthermunch thats an order

when memories snow - lilian

i feel the older you get the more your past kind of swells up and trails behind you... at least for lilian that is shes very linked to the different versions of the girl/young woman she used to be. for her its a double edged blade, a lot of her own strength is drawn from who she was and what happened to her throughout her life. they haunt her but she's haunting it back in her own way

my love mine all mine - saige, bellona, ari

stares you down okay so usage of this song very much almost verges into spoiler territory but uhm. uhm. starts twitching basically the whole dynamic here is . sometimes when you love you will sacrifice. and while that is usually a good thing sometimes it is not but sometimes it still is. sometimes you pay your dues for love and sometimes someone else has to pay for your love as well. and whether that is worth it to them remains to be seen. but it's all about love still. whether that's a worthy cause is up to you i suppose

the frost - yoshiki and hikaru from hikaru ga shida natsu

fun fact (or not so fun fact since i had it listed as such) this slot was originally meant to be taken up by a gojo/geto edit and while it still works for them frighteningly well i swerved to do another black and white haired doomed gay pairing gfhjkl; i really recommend yall to read hikaru ga shinda natsu/the summer that hikaru died because honestly it speaks for itself! it's SO good i love it so bad

star - ari and luca by @anjitrait

wow these two did not deserve the horrors the narrative (me) slammed down onto their heads. they're kind of the most married of all time to me but like of course under pressure even the strongest most loving of bonds will warp. they've been together for roughly a decade and a half now. they know and love each other as totally as you could possibly imagine. despite it all i am yours, no matter. are we picking up what i'm putting down chat

i'm your man - nayef and sióar by @lucidicer

after the album dropped like at least 3 people swung into my dms with a ?this you?? about this song which. i mean the fucking dogs that start barking halfway through the song. are you kidding me. but anyways sioyef and devotion. sioyef and putting yourself in your lover's hands and looking to them like they are a god. this is super self explanatory. you know

i love me after you - redacted and ophelia

HM.... all i'll say here is that sometimes the homoerotic tension filled high school friendship where both parties have something very wrong with them but in totally different directions can be. scarring. bad. sometimes love just isn't enough when you don't know what you're meant to do with it and when you've lived in survival mode all your life. but that once the dust clears you can scrape yourself off the ground get up keep going and that isn't gonna be the end for you there. or for love, even. sometimes shit just ain't meant to be and thats ok

[honey-minded-hivemind]

lmfao Dark Howlett/Creed!Reader having rankings for who they like the most

Imagine a tier list video except it's Reader ranking the X-Men and villains

Logan and Victor are probably F tier lol

Cube anon

Hahaha! Oh dear... Okay, I might as well do it, and make it canon (with hidden fun facts and lore for the au!)... This is in Creed/Howlett Reader's pov:

(Journal: List of Who Is The Least Awful)

(In the Green)

Gambit: is nice to me, only tries to steal my food and my spare change, wants information but at least attempts to listen to me talk first (he smells like cats and spice, maybe a hint of cinnamon) 7/10

Kurt: tries to be polite, but I know he's scared, and he went along with what the others did (I saw him wearing a cross necklace... Catholic, maybe? seems sweet, is blue and fluffy... smells like blueberry muffins) 6.5/10

Todd: still jokes at my expense, but is only as scared as everyone else... still doesn't like me, went along with their plan to use me (is he a feral mutant? or just a poor frog, erm, toad kid?) 6/10

Beast: was nice to my face, did not say i should stay, knew I was being tested, did nothing (why is it always the same?) 5.5/10

(In the Yellow)

Xavier: ... I don't like him, he set me up... but he is polite to my face, albeit he also decided I wouldn't be staying with them (who let him have kids?) 4/10

Rogue: isn't bad, but is distrustful of me (wasn't she in this position before?) 4/10

Magneto: terrifies me... but hasn't personally messed with me (he's Pietro and Wanda's dad, he's scary as f*ck!) 4/10

Evan: annoying and likes to mess around/make jokes about me, is not the worst (I'm not fighting him, he has SPIKES, I'm not that much of a sucker for pain-) 4/10

Lance: still annoyed me, was not nice, was rude and threw a rock at me in retaliation once (has issues, but don't we all?) 3.5/10

(In the Red)

Kitty: is a bit snobby and prudish, but hasn't tried to fight me or get in my way, smells like bubblegum (she's smart, once was in a club with her, was ignored, it's normal) 3.5/10

Jean: did not trust me at all, is suspicious of me, has tried to read my mind, she scares me (a telepath or telekinetic? how do any of these kids live under the same roof? smart, pretty, avoid) 3/10

Scott: definitely does not trust me, has tried to start a fight with me, his lasers burn, is very, very stubborn (I am not fighting him again, one time was enough, did he have to insult me, too? are he and Jean dating? ... they seem like a good fit...) 2.5/10

Wanda: ... no... nope... does not like anyone, is related to Pietro, is the nicer of the twins (wears red and black a lot... is dangerous... steer clear of her) 2.5/10

(In the Black)

Pietro: is annoying as f*ck, is rude, insults me and everyone else, will rub your insecurities in your face, is demanding, is dramatic, is addicted to drama (why did I ever try to talk to him? avoid at all costs. Is NOT worth it) 1/10

Logan: ... avoid avOid AVOID! dangerous, terrifying, deems me too dangerous, has almost hurt me, don't go near him, stay away from him and his brats (I thought he'd understand... what it's like, to be this way... he doesn't care...) 0/10

Sabretooth: Run Run RUN!!! Avoid at all costs! Do not talk to, do not get near, stay still, don't speak, pray, will bite and scratch and aim to hurt, deems me too soft (said it more hurtfully than that... is NOT nice...) -1/10

(Hmmm... I don't think I have friends... I have maybe Gambit, but he's, well... I know why he comes around. I know it's just a job, just a scheme. But I'm lonely, okay? I need someone to talk to, and out of everyone, he's the least problematic... Is it so bad to want someone as a friend? What am I doing wrong? I try to act normal, talk normal, eat normally... These people should understand, but they don't... Is there a point to this?)

(... I heard something outside... I need to check it out... I'll write in you again, Journal...)

( Last written entry of Reader ********, dated 12/03/200? , in their journal )

(How is this for a peek inside Creed/Howlett Reader's mind in their version of the Dark AU? And a reminder: they didn't know who their dad was at first but find out during **********...) (So yes, Gambit ai the closest they have to an ally/comrade, but they aren't quite friends...) (When Reader wakes up and finds the other three with them, those three are traumatized, trying to apologize, and telling Reader they'll be welcomed this time, that the others can't leave then after this, look at the state they're in-) (Well, um... look at this list, and tell me how well you think that goes over initially) ( @sugar-soda @vivid-bun @danni1323 @crowwithguns @thewickedweiner)

[itsabouttimex2]

hey 👋 could you please do more of platonic yandere hawks x teenage bartender reader pls ? :)) I love your work

(Aw, thank you! I’ll go back and tag this series as “Teenage Bartender” since I’ve got a few fics for it now)

Patronage

Out of all the people you’ve ever served, Mr. Takami is definitely your favorite patron. The League of Villains ranges from outright bad to somewhat decent when it comes to personality, each causing you trouble in their own way.

Mr. Bubaigawara is also pretty alright, but you have to cut him off after a while so he doesn’t drink himself to sickness. He’ll switch from thanking you for looking out for him to criticizing you for being a “mood-killer” in the same breath. You like to believe that the kinder half of him is the “real” one. It always feels more sincere, in your opinion. You try to see the good in everyone around you, after all. No matter how hard it may be, or how dangerous or depraved the individual is.

Maybe you’re an optimist, Keigo Takami thinks to himself, nursing a non-alcoholic strawberry spritzer. Or maybe you’re simply too naive to see the dangers of the killers and criminals around you. Maybe it’s a case of feeling obligated to love the unloved, to accept the spurned, to try and save those dedicated to hurling themselves headfirst towards irredeemability. Maybe you sympathize with them, with what they’ve been through in their tumultuous and checkered lives.

No matter what the reason is, what really matters is that you, in spite of whatever horrid circumstances have landed you in the middle of these villains, playing caretaker and maid and nanny to drunk, belligerent murderers…

You’re still kind.

That’s why Keigo truly believes that you, more than anyone else here, can be redeemed.

Not only because of the way you treat him, but also the way you treat your “coworkers”.

When Toga gets immediately drunk off of whatever cutesy cocktail she begged you to whip up, you help her get to a couch and make her lay down, leaving a bin by her side. When Shigaraki is having another one of his tantrums, you line up all the broken glasses and worn down equipment you have onto the countertop so he has something to focus his aggression on. You listen close to all of Spinner’s rants about Stain, even if you don’t understand a word he’s saying.

You see something in them, clearly. Keigo isn’t quite sure what it is exactly, but he’d love to know. Do you care about them? Do you think they could redeem themselves? Do you think you can off-put their suffering and bloodthirstiness by being kind? Do you consider them to be family? Do you consider him family?

You’ve been around him long enough to see him as a friend, surely. You treat the winged double-crosser with the same forthcoming kindness that everyone receives when they sit at your counter, ensuring that he’s happy, hydrated, warm, and not-

“-hurt? Mr. Takami, did you get hurt?”

“Sorry, kiddo. Didn’t quite catch that one. Run it by me again?”

“That mission ran a little long, didn’t it? Usually you’re back a lot sooner, so I wanted to make sure that you were alright, Mr. Takami. You’re not hurt, are you?”

Keigo is a well-guarded man. He doesn’t give away too much and he’s good at hiding his feelings and thoughts. Still, he can’t keep himself from smiling right now. With a gloved hand, he reaches out to ruffle your hair.

“Just fine, kiddo. Things got a little troublesome- when don’t things get troublesome, huh? But i got the job done no problem, like always.”

You try to meet his smile evenly, taking his drained glass and giving him a fresh drink in turn. There’s a moment of strange silence, something’s there’s never been between the two of you.

“I’m really glad,” you quietly admit to him, breaking the lull. “I think you’re… you’re the only one who talks to me the way you do. I don’t…”

He leans forward, propping his elbows on the table and resting his chin on his twined fingers. “Talk to me, pint-size. You’ve got my ear. I’ve got some time to kill.” He adds the last line just to make sure that you know he won’t mind if this takes a while. Even if he didn’t have the time… he would make it, for you.

“I really, really do like everyone! Really, I do! But it just feels… it all feels so endless, Mr. Takami. If someone isn’t mad at me, they’re puking on the floor. If they aren’t puking, they’re crying in the corner. If they aren’t crying, they’re picking fights. If they’re not fighting, they’re breaking things. If they aren’t breaking things, they’re mad at me for something. It just goes on and on, and I- I just-“

You pause, your breath hitching inwards sharply as you bury your face into your hands. You put your palms flat on the countertop, staring at your weary reflection on the polished surface.

“I’m so tired, Mr. Takami. And I feel like I’m never gonna get to take a break.”

“Okay, come over here,” Keigo guides, leading you around the counter by your hand and towards where he remembers seeing you head each night. Your personal room, he assumes. “The bar,” you try to argue as he pulls you along, “needs me at the counter. What if someone comes by for a drink?” Your words fall on deaf ears, it seems. “Most of the league is made of grown men, kid. Trust me, they can stomach a few hours without alcohol.”

He opens the door, giving himself the first view of your room he’s ever seen.

Knowing that you can’t see the face he’s making, the undercover hero allows himself to frown at the sight.

This isn’t a bedroom. This is a storage closet with a small bed and a nightstand. It’s barely four feet wide, and just about six feet long. The sort of room you’d put spare brooms and mops in, where you’d hide away a half-used gallon of drain cleaner or spare dish soap bottles you had gotten on sale. A place too claustrophobic and enclosed for anything except supplies.

But instead, this room had been given to you, a literal teenager who was giving their all to support the League in spite of getting nothing out of it.

For just a moment, his blood boils.

The League can pretend to be good. They can pretend to be heroes and freedom fighters. They can pretend that they’re fighting for a fair and just society. They can pretend that they aren’t monsters and murderers.

But this is how they treat their own. He’s always known this. The League of Villains prioritizes powerful, dangerous individuals above all else, prioritizes those who can spread chaos and mayhem in the name of their destructive goal. And you don’t fit into that powerhouse category, so you get shuffled away, tucked out of sight when they don’t have you serving them or playing babysitter to grown drunkards.

Keigo thinks he understands it, at least. But the truth is that some of the League do care for you. Twice, Spinner, Magne, Toga, Mr. Compress… all of them do care about you, as a friend or as family. And in turn, you care for them.

But he doesn’t think of that. As he helps you into the cramped bed, he thinks of “saving” you, and getting you out of here. Of bringing you home and keeping you safe from the harms and horrors of the world around you.

And there will soon come a day that you tumble out of the villain’s claws and into a hero’s talons.

[goldengalore]

Hardest to Love

Summary: Harry and Y/N are broken up but still good friends. He worries that he’s holding her back from moving on and finding love again, so he tries to distance himself from her. But Y/N is too sweet and people are too dumb to treat her right. Stuck between his fear of hurting her and his desire to give her the love he knows she deserves, Harry finds himself in a difficult predicament.

Word count: 8.7k

Warnings: some kink-shaming, mention of cheating, angst, smut (dom!harry, bondage, choking, spanking, degradation, orgasm denial, teasing)

A/N: This fic was inspired by two songs by The Weeknd: Hardest to Love and Scared to Live. Also, Y/N is bisexual in this one—just mentioning this for anyone looking for bi!Y/N fics :)

***

Harry hasn’t been good to Y/N.

The awful realization dawns on him while he’s sitting in a cafe with her one afternoon along with their two friends, Elena and Jordan. Well, actually, they’re more Y/N’s friends than his. He met them through her and only hangs out with them when she’s around. He may not have much in common with them, but whenever Y/N invites him to hang out, he always says yes because how could he turn down an invitation to spend time with her?

At least after Elena and Jordan leave, he gets to have her to himself. Not today though. Today, Y/N announces prematurely that she has to head home. Harry’s shoulders sag in disappointment.

“Whyyy?” he whines, resting his chin on his ring-adorned hand. “What could possibly be more important than spending time with your mates?”

She smiles. “I have a date tonight.”

Her three friends eye her with curiosity.

“Ooo, is it that guy from Tinder you’ve been seeing?” asks Elena.

“Yes, but don’t get too excited. I’m ending it with him.”

“What? Why?” they all ask, almost in unison.

She shrugs vaguely. “I realized he’s not my type.”

Elena snorts. “You say that about everyone you date. What even is your type?”

“Him,” says Jordan, pointing at Harry, who just chuckles.

Y/N’s cheeks flush. “I just haven’t found the right person! Leave me alone.” Her phone vibrates on the table. She checks it. “Oh, it’s him. He’s asking if our date is still on.”

“Poor guy,” says Jordan. “He’s got no idea he’s about to get his heart ripped to shreds tonight.”

Y/N rolls her eyes. “Please. You’re acting like he’s in love with me. We’ve been on two dates.”

“I don’t know. You’re pretty easy to fall in love with,” says Harry, smirking at her.

Her cheeks turn even more pink as she attempts to bite back a grin. “Okay, I have to go.” Rising to her feet, she grabs her phone and pulls her bag over her shoulder. “See you guys!”

“Good luck tonight, heartbreaker!” Jordan shouts after her as she walks away.

“I can’t with this girl.” Elena shakes her head. “I thought I was picky with dating.”

“She wasn’t always that picky. It was only after Mr. Grammy Award-Winner over here came along,” says Jordan, nodding his head towards Harry.

The comment elicits an awkward laugh from him. “What do you mean?”

The two friends exchange looks. Harry hates when they do that; he always feels left out of the joke.

“You do know that you’re the reason Y/N keeps turning down all the people she dates, right?” Elena says, as if it should be blatantly obvious to him. “She’s still not over you.”

He scoffs. “That’s ridiculous. We’ve been broken up for eight months. She’s been seeing new people for four of them. Don’t reckon she’d be doing that if she wasn’t over me.”

“It literally could not be more obvious,” says Jordan. “She goes on dates with people, then she hangs out with you for five minutes, and oh, all of a sudden, those people are no longer good enough for her?”

Shaking his head, he leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. “I think you’re reading too much into it.”

Elena sighs and tucks a strand of her pink-dyed hair behind her ear. “Look, ever since you told her that you’d be willing to get back together with her when the time feels right, she’s decided—either consciously or subconsciously—not to give anyone else a chance. It doesn’t help that every time the two of you are spotted anywhere, Twitter acts like you’re back together again.”

“Y/N doesn’t even use Twitter,” he says, purposely deflecting now.

“You know that’s not my point.”

“So, what then?” He throws his hands up in defeat. “What am I meant to do? Stop spending time with her?”

“That, or you can just tell her you’re not open to being romantically involved with her again,” Elena suggests. “Until you say something, she’s never going to move on.”

He won’t admit it to them, but he knows they’re right. He too has noticed Y/N’s pattern of going on a couple dates with someone, then conjuring up some excuse for why she can’t envision a future with them. Everything from “he’s a snorer” to “she thinks bald cats are ugly” to “he uses too many exclamation marks in his texts.” And Harry is guilty of enabling this behaviour by telling her that it makes total sense to turn someone down for such trivial reasons. 

Truth be told, he likes watching these other people try and fail to win her heart. It gives him a sick sort of satisfaction to know that for her, no one compares to him. But he recognizes the deep selfishness of these feelings, and it’s something he doesn’t like very much about himself.

Harry and Y/N’s relationship has been complicated from the start. They met at a wedding. Harry was fresh out of a year-long relationship, and in no way, shape, or form was he ready to jump into another one just yet. But how was he supposed to resist Y/N, who looked like a fairy in her pretty floral dress and had a voice sweeter than honey and blushed whenever anyone said anything remotely nice about her and made him laugh harder than he’d laughed in weeks, maybe even months?

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t resist. So, he pursued her until she fell for him hard. And he fell for her too. And they had the most magical three months together, attached at the hip whenever possible and constantly texting each other when not. But the spark began to fizzle out once Harry realized, and Y/N did too, that he hadn’t completely moved on from his ex.

Y/N was so understanding, albeit heartbroken.

Harry went off to Japan for a few weeks to focus on himself and his music. She was on his mind the entire time, so much so that his ex began to feel like a distant memory from another lifetime. On his first night back from Japan, he called her. And it was as if nothing had changed between them; they picked up right where they’d left off.

Over the next couple years, their relationship was a turbulent cycle of breaking up and getting back together, rinse and repeat. It was almost always Harry who would get cold feet and call it off when things began getting too serious—a habit he’d developed after getting his own heart broken too many times.

He could see the effect that this back-and-forth was having on Y/N, how it was wearing her down and sucking the liveliness out of her. He didn’t want to cause her any further pain, but he didn’t want to completely lose her either.

When they broke up for the last time, he told her that maybe now just wasn’t the right time for them to be together. They could still remain friends, and perhaps in the future, if the time ever felt right, they could try again.

He knows that Elena’s suggestion of telling Y/N that he’s not romantically interested in her anymore is the most sensible thing to do. However, he can’t find it in himself to do that. Instead, he decides to create a bit of distance between him and Y/N, hoping that it’ll be enough to help her move on from him. 

Only time will tell if his plan works.

***

Y/N is pissed off. She doesn’t get angry very often, so when she does get like this, she doesn’t quite know what to do with herself.

Last night, she invited a few close friends over to celebrate her recent promotion at work. While Harry initially promised that he would be there, he texted her last minute that he couldn’t make it because he wasn’t feeling well. 

This morning, as she was scrolling through her social media, she stumbled upon a picture taken by a fan of him leaving a pub last night with his friend Ben. He appeared perfectly fine and healthy, making it abundantly clear that what he’d told her was a lie. This isn’t the first time he’s cancelled on her in the past few weeks. She just assumed it’s because he’s been super busy with work, but now she feels stupid and naive for thinking so.

The discovery of Harry’s lie made her so upset that she got dressed that morning and drove straight to his house to confront him. Now, as she stands on his porch, waiting for him to answer the door, a sudden sense of self-awareness comes over her. 

She’s never been a confrontational person. Showing up on someone’s doorstep unannounced to go off on them isn’t like her at all. She hasn’t even thought about what she’s going to say. 

Just as she’s considering turning around and sprinting back to her car, the door opens to reveal a freshly awoken Harry, dressed in the fluffy lavender robe that she always loves seeing him in because he looks extremely soft and cuddly when he wears it, like a big, purple teddy bear. She has to resist the urge to squeeze him in her arms.

“Y/N, hi,” he says, brows perked in surprise. “Wasn’t expecting you this morning.”

“I just came to check up on you and see how you’re feeling.” She forces a smile and observes his reaction closely.

At first, he just stares at her blankly. Then it suddenly hits him, his eyes going wide as saucers. “Oh! Right, yeah, I’m, uh, I’m feeling much better. Thank you.”

Liar.

Y/N’s lip almost quivers from watching him lie straight to her face, but she maintains her composure.

“Must’ve been pretty bad, huh?” she asks. “Since you had to cancel so last minute.”

He looks down and fidgets with a loose thread on his robe. “Yeah, I wasn’t in the best state. Threw up three times.”

Her brows arch up, feigning surprise. “Three times! Wow! And you still had the energy to meet Ben at a pub on the other side of town?”

His face falls.

Y/N drops her facade now, letting her true emotion show. “You know, if you didn’t want to hang out with me, you should’ve just said so. There was no need to lie.”

“It’s not that. I love hanging out with you... Probably more than anyone else I know.”

“Then why did you lie? And why have you been so distant?”

He looks past her shoulder. Since she got here, a light drizzle has started, tiny droplets pattering softly against the ground.

“Let’s talk inside,” he says.

A stubborn part of her wants to keep her feet firmly planted on his porch, but it’s cold out here and the warm interior of his house does look incredibly inviting right now. She steps inside, taking off her shoes on the mat before marching into the kitchen.

He shuts the door and joins her there. “Do you want to sit?”

“No.” She leans against the edge of the kitchen counter and crosses her arms. He stands across from her, his hands resting behind him on the kitchen island.

She can’t help it. She has to say it, “It’s not fair, you know. I’ve always supported you and been there to celebrate your successes. I know getting a promotion at work isn’t nearly as exciting as getting a Grammy nomination, but still—”

“Don’t do that.” He shakes his head. “Don’t put down your accomplishments like that.”

She shrugs.

“I’m sorry I lied. And I’m sorry I’ve been distant. I just...” He hesitates. “I feel like I’ve been holding you back.”

Her brows furrow. “Holding me back from what?”

“From moving on. From falling in love again. I feel like the more time we spend together, the more you struggle to connect with the people you go out with. When we broke up, I told you that I’d be willing to get back together when the time felt right, and I said that because I still wanted you to myself, even if I didn’t want to commit to an actual relationship. And I realize now how shitty that was.” He sighs and stares down at the floor, seeming ashamed with himself. “I don’t want to sabotage your chances at finding love. Don’t want to be that guy.”

His explanation takes a minute to sink in and wrap her head around.

“So, wait,” she says, “you think I haven’t fallen in love with someone yet because I’m still hung up on you?” She laughs a little. “C’mon, H, that’s a tiny bit egotistic, don’t you think?”

He lifts a shoulder. “Maybe. But Elena and Jordan think so as well.”

She scoffs. “Oh, so now the three of you are, like, the committee of experts on my love life? What, do you meet once a week to discuss all the reasons why my love life is a flop?”

He blinks at her slowly. “Y/N...”

“No, no, this is stupid.” She uncrosses her arms, clutching the counter behind her instead. “You are not the reason that I can’t fall in love. You’re... You’re...” She finds herself grasping for some way to convince him that his whole theory is absurd, but suddenly, she’s not even sure if it is. In the end, all she’s able to say is, “You’re my best friend.”

His green eyes soften. “And you’re mine. But maybe...” He winces, like he knows the next part is going to hurt her. “Maybe, staying friends after the breakup was a bad idea.”

This feels like a punch in the gut. It’s like experiencing their breakup all over again, except worse because the pain of losing a best friend is somehow more visceral, more agonizing than losing a romantic partner.

“You don’t mean that,” she says brokenly. 

“I’m just saying that we should try spending some time apart and see how that works for us. If nothing changes, fine... But if something does, then maybe it’s for the best?”

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she says, “Fine. If that’s what you want.”

He says nothing to reaffirm her statement, making her doubt for a moment that this is really what he wants, but then she snaps herself out of it. No, he has made it clear that he doesn’t want to spend time with her anymore, and she’s not going to chase after someone who obviously doesn’t want her around.

“I should go.”

He follows her to the front door. They both stare out the window at the rain, which has escalated from a light drizzle to a full-on thunderstorm within a matter of minutes.

“It’s pouring out there,” he says. “Do you want to wait until the rain stops?”

“No.”

“Well, do you at least want an umbrella?”

“No, thank you.” She’s being stubborn, but she doesn’t want to be around him any longer than she has to. After slipping on her sneakers, she steps out onto his porch and makes a run for it to her car but gets drenched by the time she ducks into the driver’s seat.

***

The next time Harry sees Y/N is three weeks later at a mutual friend’s birthday party. They’ve developed so many mutual friends over the years of knowing each other that they’re bound to cross paths at one point or another.

She arrives at the party a little while after him, accompanied by Elena. Her sleeveless maroon dress hugs her curves perfectly and brings out the natural pink tint of her cheeks. Her hair is shorter too, he notices. He tries not to stare when she walks in, but it’s hard not to. They make eye contact from across the room. She looks away before he can lift a hand to wave hello.

For the entire evening, every time he enters a conversation that Y/N is also a part of, she discreetly withdraws. Any time he even comes close to her vicinity, she drifts further away from him. It’s frustrating. But he probably deserves it after how poorly he handled things with her. Lying to her instead of just having a candid conversation about his concerns. 

While he’s receiving the cold shoulder from her, Elena appears to be receiving quite the opposite treatment. Y/N sticks by her side the whole night, holding hands or linking arms with her, sharing longing glances, blushing whenever Elena speaks directly to her. He suspects there’s something going on there, but he can’t be sure. There is one person at the party, however, who might be able to give him the answers he seeks.

“Hi, Jordan,” says Harry, walking up to the short, dark-haired man who was oddly standing by himself in one corner, staring down at the phone in his hands.

Jordan glances up at him for a quick second. “Oh, hey, what’s up?”

“Not much. You?”

“Just sexting with this hot older guy I met last week,” he replies casually, his thumbs flying across the tiny keyboard on the screen.

“Oh. Nice,” says Harry. He’s not sure how to bring up the topic subtly, so he decides to forgo subtlety altogether. “So, um, Y/N and Elena...”

“I’m as shocked as you are.” Jordan laughs. “Who would’ve thunk those two would ever hook up?”

“Are they serious or...?”

“Depends who you ask.” Jordan glances up again and registers the confusion on Harry’s face. He elaborates, “If you ask Y/N, she’ll tell you they’re serious. If you ask Elena, she’ll tell you it’s still early days and too soon to say.”

“Huh.” He looks in Y/N’s direction again. This time, she’s resting her head on Elena’s shoulder, listening intently to whatever conversation was happening around her.

“Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck,” Jordan suddenly says.

Harry whips his head back around. “What?”

“The guy I’m sexting. He just sent me a video of him putting his dick in a—”

Raising a hand, Harry says, “You know what? I don’t think I want to know.”

Later that night, everyone gathers around to sing happy birthday to the birthday girl and watch her blow out the candles on her huge, extravagant cake. Afterwards, as the crowd disperses around the house again, Harry loses sight of Y/N. He decides it’s for the best since he’s spent most of the night watching her from afar instead of enjoying the party and mingling with friends he doesn’t see very often due to his busy schedule.

From that point onward, he tries to be more present in his conversations with people.

When he breaks away to find the bathroom a bit later, he passes by a room that looks like a den. The door is slightly ajar, enough to make out Elena sitting on a couch with a few other people. Y/N is nowhere to be seen, though she could be in some part of the room that isn’t visible from where he’s standing. But as he listens in to their conversation, it quickly becomes clear that she’s not in the room with them.

“Where’s your shadow?” asks one of the other girls sitting with Elena.

“Who?” she says.

“Y/N. She’s been following you around like a lost puppy all evening.”

“Oh, yeah, I don’t know where she went, actually.” Elena looks around vaguely. 

Harry steps away from the door before she can see him. He leans against the wall next to the doorway, taking out his phone so that if someone catches him standing there, he can pretend he’s just messing around on his phone.

“The two of you are a couple then?” asks the other girl.

“I wouldn’t call it that,” replies Elena. “We’ve just hooked up a few times.”

A male voice chimes in, “What’s she like? In bed, I mean. I’ve always wanted to know, but she was always with that Watermelon Sugar guy.”

Harry rolls his eyes at that.

“She’s kind of a freak, actually,” Elena speaks in a hushed voice, like she’s revealing a scandalous secret.

“Oh yeah?”

“Uh-huh. She’s into that choking, slapping, getting tied up, being called names type of shit.”

Harry rolls his eyes once again. These must be the most vanilla people ever if they think liking a bit of bondage and degradation makes someone a “freak.” Most of the people he’s been with were into things like that, not just Y/N.

“Damn,” says the male voice. “It’s always the sweet, innocent-looking ones.”

“Yeah,” says Elena. “It’s kind of weird, but I just go with it. At least I can laugh about it later.”

A grimace has settled onto Harry’s face after hearing their conversation. He doesn’t appreciate the way they talk about Y/N, as if she’s some sort of anomaly or a sex object. He knows all too well what it’s like to have your sex life dissected and gossiped about by people who don’t even know you. 

It especially irks him when he remembers how insecure Y/N used to be about her kinks when he first met her. It took her some time to open up to him about what she liked in bed because before they met, she’d never had the chance to explore her deepest desires and fantasies in a safe space with someone who made her feel comfortable. He’s grateful that he was able to give her that.

Now, he leaves to go find the bathroom again, but when he gets there, it’s already occupied. He heads upstairs to find another one. The music from the party fades as he ascends the staircase. It’s mostly dark up there, except for the warm white light spilling out of a room down the hall. As he gets closer, he realizes it’s the other bathroom and, of course, someone is inside this one too.

He groans internally until he reaches the open doorway and realizes that the person inside is Y/N. She’s standing in front of the sink, fixing her hair in the mirror. Her gaze shifts to Harry as he appears in the hallway.

“Hey,” he says softly.

“Oh, sorry, do you need the bathroom? I was just leaving.” She starts to exit, but he steps in the middle of the doorway, blocking her path.

“You’re avoiding me.”

She meets his eyes reluctantly. “Well, I didn’t know if I was allowed to talk to you or not.”

He frowns. “What? Of course you are.”

“Just wondering, you know, because we’re not supposed to be spending time together anymore.”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t talk if we see each other at a party, Y/N.”

“Well, how was I supposed to know?!” She crosses her arms in front of her chest. “These rules are confusing.”

His eyes wander over her face, taking in her pretty features. “They are confusing,” he agrees, pausing before adding, “and stupid.”

“Oh, so now you admit it.” A playful grin dances on her lips, making him chuckle.

Lifting up a hand, he takes a strand of her hair between his fingers and twirls it around, examining its length. He notices her breathing stop for a moment.

“You cut your hair,” he states.

“Yeah.”

“Looks nice. Pretty.”

She blushes. “Thanks.”

He releases the strand of hair and watches it bounce back into place. Then he reaches up and brushes his fingers against her cheek. She leans into his touch, almost on instinct. His gaze rests on her lips now—so red and full and tempting. He begins inching towards them, but at the last moment, she pulls away.

“H,” she whispers, “we can’t. I have a girlfriend.”

“You do?” he asks, even though he already knows what she’s about to say.

“Yeah. Elena. We’ve been seeing each other.”

“Oh,” he says. And he tries to control himself. He really tries to stop the words from leaving his mouth, but they come out anyway, “Y/N, I don’t think she’s right for you.”

“What?”

“I don’t think Elena’s a nice person.”

She frowns. “Where is this coming from?”

He doesn’t want to tell her about the conversation he overheard earlier. It would only hurt her. “I just think you deserve better.”

Her eyes narrow. “And what exactly is ‘better’? You?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then what are you saying, Harry?”

He can sense her losing her patience with him. Y/N, who normally has the patience of a saint and puts up with a lot more than most people would, is done with his shit.

“Because you told me that you were worried about holding me back from moving on and finding love again. But now that I’m with someone new, you’re telling me that I’m with the wrong person? It’s just— It’s not making sense. You say that you don’t want to hold me back, but that’s exactly what you’re doing.”

Her words pierce through his heart. “You’re right... It doesn’t make any sense. And I’m sorry. But I stand by what I said about Elena. She doesn’t have your best interests at heart, lovie. She doesn’t deserve you. Neither do I.”

She stares at him for one long moment, a tenderness flashing in her eyes for the briefest second before she looks away. “I can’t do this.” She squeezes past him to leave the bathroom.

“Y/N—”

“Bye, Harry.”

***

Settling in bed with a book in his hands, a cup of chamomile tea on the nightstand next to his phone and his songwriting notebook, which is always there in case a lyric idea pops up in his head while he reads. This is how Harry spends most of his nights lately. It’s a soothing ritual to come home to after a long day. 

The only thing missing is having someone in bed next to him. Someone to read with or read to. Someone to kiss goodnight. Someone to hold as he drifts off to dreamland.

Ever since his breakup with Y/N, he has been taking the time to figure himself out, to really look inward and, with the help of his therapist, work on some deep-rooted bad habits that he seems to carry from one relationship to the next. He’s never been good at being alone, which explains why he has a propensity to dive into a new relationship before he’s even moved on from the last.

He regrets rushing things with Y/N. If he’d just taken the time to get to know her and properly befriend her before taking the next step, things might have panned out differently. He truly believes that.

A yawn pulls itself from him as sleep begins to fog his brain. He places his book on the nightstand. Before he can turn the lights out, his phone buzzes with an incoming call. It’s Y/N. 

He picks up. “Hello?”

He doesn’t receive an instant response. All he can hear is the beat of some techno song in the background and the muffled sound of female voices. He wonders if she just butt-dialed him by accident.

“Hellooo?”

This time, he hears her say on the other end, “You were right.”

Puzzled, he replies, “What?”

“You were right about Elena. She’s not a nice person.” 

She doesn’t elaborate any further, but he can infer from the hollowness in her voice that Elena broke her heart.

“I just called to tell you you were right,” she says. “You can feel all smug now and say ‘I told you so.’”

“You think I’m that much of an arsehole?”

She sighs and mumbles, “No.” He hears her sniffle. “I just don’t get why everyone treats me like I’m some toy they can play with and throw out when they get bored. Am I that easy to discard? Or maybe I’m just hard to love.”

“No. You’re not.” If anything, that’s me, he thinks to himself.

“Then why does this keep happening to me?” She sounds so defeated, it makes his chest physically ache.

“Because, Y/N, people are stupid—and I’m including myself in that statement—and they don’t realize what they’ve got until they lose it. By the time they realize it, it’s far too late.”

She goes quiet. He can hear the music thumping in the background again.

“Where are you?” he asks.

“In the bathroom of a club.”

He quirks a brow. “What are you doing at a club? You don’t even like clubs.” He recalls her telling him once that she hates being surrounded by all the sweaty bodies bumping into each other.

“Jordan dragged me here. Said the best way to get over a heartbreak is to go to a club and find a stranger to hook up with. But he ditched me as soon as we got here, so I thought I would just drink and dance away my sorrows, but then some creep tried to grope me on the dancefloor and I wanted to throw up and now I’m hiding in the bathroom.”

“Fuck’s sake,” he mutters under his breath. His frustration isn’t directed at her but at Jordan for giving her such terrible advice and then abandoning her in such a vulnerable state. “Stay where you are. I’m on my way.”

“Wh— You’re coming here? You don’t have to do that.”

“Well, I’m doing it.”

He gets the name of the club from her and tells her he’ll text her once he’s there. Climbing out of bed, he quickly throws on some clothes and heads out to his car.

He’s prepared to go into the club to retrieve her when he gets there, but she’s already standing outside by the curb, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. She has on a flimsy jacket, far too thin to block out the cool night air. As soon as he pulls up, she climbs into the passenger seat, finding refuge from the cold.

“You all right?” he asks, studying her intently.

She nods. “You know, you really didn’t have to come all the way—”

“Hush. Put your seatbelt on.”

She raises her eyebrows at his authoritative tone. “Yes, sirrr.”

He feels something stir inside him when she says that but quickly squashes the feeling and starts driving.

“Do you want me to take you to your flat?” he asks.

“Ugh, no. Jordan’s going to come home with some guy in the middle of the night and wake me up with obnoxiously loud sex noises.”

He nods once. “Okay then. My place, it is.”

When they reach his house, he prepares one of the guest bedrooms for her to sleep in while she uses the bathroom. By the time she comes out, he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting patiently for her. She sits down next to him. As he turns to look at her, he catches her staring directly at his mouth.

“Kiss me,” she says.

“You’re drunk.”

“Just one kiss. Please?”

He rolls his eyes and gives her a peck on the lips, forcing himself to pull back before he gets carried away. “Happy?”

“No, I want more,” she says, leaning forward.

He smirks and squeezes her chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Greedy girl.” He releases her chin. “Go to sleep.”

She complies and gets under the covers. Staring up at him with her sweet, tired eyes, she says, “Thank you. For taking care of me.”

He shrugs. “I like taking care of you.”

He gets up then and leaves the room, shutting off the lights as he goes.

***

Y/N wakes up with a miserable headache compounded by a deep embarrassment over her actions from the previous night. Calling up Harry just to whine about her pitiful love life, prompting him to come rescue her drunk ass from the club, begging him to kiss her...

She wants the ground to swallow her whole.

Eventually, she drags herself out of bed and into the bathroom. After cleaning herself up, she heads down to the kitchen, where Harry is sitting at the island in his purple robe, having his morning coffee. The sight is all too familiar to her; she used to wake up to this on a regular basis when they were still together.

“Morning,” he greets her as she walks in, avoiding his gaze. “How are you feeling?”

“Hungover.”

She fills up a glass with cold water and savours the feeling of it pouring down her parched throat. Finally, she turns around and forces herself to look at him.

“Sorry about last night,” she states. “I was, um, a bit of a mess.”

He gives her a kind smile. “It’s all right. You don’t need to apologize. Honestly, it made me quite happy to see your name pop up on my screen when you called.”

Her heart swells. “Really?”

He nods and takes a sip of his coffee to hide the timidness in his expression.

A smile spreads across her face. “Well, okay, that makes me feel better.”

He gazes at her for a while, like he’s carefully contemplating his next words. “So... You were upset last night and I didn’t want to ask, but... What did happen with Elena?”

Her eyes drop down to the floor at his question.

Noticing her reaction, he quickly says, “Sorry, it’s none of my business.”

“No, it’s fine.” She looks up at him again. “I found out she was sleeping with someone else. I caught her texting this other person while we were in bed, cuddling. She thought I was asleep.” A bitter laugh escapes her at the idiocy of it all.

Harry’s eyes turn sympathetic. “Jesus. That’s awful.”

“Yeah... So, hey, you may have broken my heart, but at least you can say you never cheated on me!”

“I mean, that bar’s pretty low.”

“Oh, the bar is fucking underground at this point.”

He laughs. She grins. Then he stands up and walks around the island to her, pulling her into a tight hug, which she happily reciprocates. 

“I’m sorry people suck,” he says, resting his chin on her head. “I’m sorry I suck.”

She frowns. “You don’t suck.”

“Yes, I do. All I’ve done is break your heart. Over and over again.”

She pulls away to get a proper look at him, noting the guilt in his eyes. “That’s not true. You’ve been an amazing friend to me.”

He smiles sadly. “I don’t know about that.”

“Harry...” It concerns her that he’s being so hard on himself. He really has been a wonderful friend to her. Despite all the hardships they experienced during their relationship, he has been there for her more than anyone else in her life. To hear him fail to recognize that makes her sad.

“I want to be a better friend. I think I can do that. If you’ll give me a chance.”

“Of course.”

“I can even be your wingman if you need me to be.”

She laughs and makes a face. “My wingman?”

“Sure, why not?” He gives a casual shrug, as if the concept of her ex-boyfriend, whom she’s still undeniably attracted to, being her wingman isn’t weird as hell.

“Thanks for the kind offer, but I’m actually putting the brakes on dating for a while.”

“Oh, okay.”

She hugs him again, content to have him in her arms, content that she can finally go back to hanging out with her best friend again.

***

“I think we should watch the new season of The Crown tonight.”

Y/N’s eyes widen with excitement. “Oooh, yes! I’ve been dying to watch that.”

“We could order pizza as well. From that new place I told you about. You need to try it.”

“Absolutely.”

They’re sitting in their little corner of the cafe. Y/N finished work a while ago and headed there to meet up with Harry, who was coming from a writing session at the studio. Now, as they discuss their plans to wind down for the evening, something—or someone—catches Y/N’s attention from across the cafe. 

“Oh, fuck my life,” she mutters.

“What’s wrong?” asks Harry, as he follows her gaze over his shoulder.

“I just realized Elena’s here. With her new girlfriend. They’re sitting over by the window.”

“Oh.” He turns back to Y/N. “Do you want to leave? We can go somewhere else.”

She replies with an adamant shake of the head. “Nope. This is our favourite cafe too. Why should we have to go?”

Suddenly, Elena’s gaze shifts over to her and they make eye contact. Without reacting, Y/N returns her attention to Harry. But then, out of the corner of her eye, she sees Elena standing up and walking over to them.

“Oh, great, she’s coming over here,” she says with an agitated sigh.

Harry squeezes her hand on the table reassuringly. “It’s okay. You’ve got this.”

“Y/N,” says Elena, once she reaches their table.

“Elena,” says Y/N.

“Harry,” says Elena.

“Elena,” says Harry.

A long, awkward pause follows.

Unable to endure the awkwardness any further, Y/N breaks the silence, “How are you?”

“I’m all right. You?”

“I’m fine.”

Another pause. Elena turns to Harry. 

“So, the reason I came over here is because my girlfriend, who’s sat over there”—she points over to the table she just came from—“happens to be a massive fan of yours, Harry, and she was hoping she could get a picture with you. I told her that we’re friends and I would ask for her.”

It takes everything in Y/N to resist the urge to roll her eyes dramatically. The nerve of this woman to cheat on her, then come over here to ask Harry—whom she only knows through Y/N—to take a picture with the same person that she cheated with! Truly mindboggling. Not to mention, it puts Harry in a very awkward position.

He looks at Y/N unsurely, waiting for a cue from her before deciding how to respond. “Uh...”

She gives him a small nod.

“Sure,” he says to Elena.

He stands up and follows her to the table where Elena’s girlfriend is eyeing him with a frozen, starstruck look on her face. He chats with her for a minute, then poses for a selfie before walking back over to Y/N.

“That was quick,” she says.

He shrugs. “She was more interested in getting a photo than talking. I asked her not to post it until later though, once we’re gone.”

Now that the uncomfortable encounter is over, they return to their conversation from earlier, debating what else to get with their pizza tonight.

Some time later, long after Elena and her girlfriend have left the cafe, Y/N notices a group of young people lurking outside the entrance, trying to peer in through the glass door. It’s getting dark out, but she has seen, and worn, Harry’s merch enough times to recognize it on someone else even in the dark from a distance.

“Uh-oh,” she says.

“What?” Harry looks at her. With his back to the entrance, he has no idea what’s happening. 

“I think I see fans outside. Elena’s girlfriend must’ve posted the picture already.”

He throws up a hand and lets it fall on the table. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

Y/N takes out her phone to check, and surely enough, the picture is all over social media. The cafe logo can be seen on a sign in the background. “Yup, she posted it on Instagram and now it’s making rounds. This place is going to get crowded real fast if we don’t leave soon.”

“Would it be bad if we snuck out the back? I’m just not in the mood to deal with this.”

“Yeah, we can do that. I’m sure Theo would let us use the back exit.”

Theo is the owner of the cafe, whom Harry and Y/N have befriended over the years.

Harry scoots his chair back to stand up, then stops and looks at her with a conflicted expression. “I feel bad.”

She leans forward and locks eyes with him. “H, people can’t expect you to be on all the time, ready to interact and take pictures with them whenever they want. You’re a human being, not a tourist attraction.”

“I know, I know.” He bites his lip and sighs. “Okay, let’s go.”

They stand up, grab their jackets, and find Theo, who doesn’t even hesitate to help them sneak out the back exit into the empty alleyway behind the cafe. Once outside, they stop to put on their jackets. Y/N shivers as a cold breeze passes by.

“Holy crap. How did it get so cold?” she mutters through chattering teeth.

“You need a better jacket. This thing is paper thin.” Harry pinches the arm of her jacket to prove his point.

She rolls her eyes. “Okay, mom. It’s not that thin.”

“Here, put this on.” He hands her his thick, green jacket, but she pushes it away.

“No! Then you’ll get cold.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Nope.”

He glares at her. “Y/N, put it on.”

“Make me.”

His eyebrows raise high on his forehead. “What did you say?”

A devilish grin materializes on her face. “I said... Make me.”

Grabbing her by the waist, he pushes her up against the wall of the cafe. She stares up at him, gasping when she notices the unmistakable lust in his eyes. He leans forward and presses his lips against hers so firmly, so hungrily that it literally takes her breath away. She kisses him back with the same hunger until, all of a sudden, he pulls away.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he blurts out.

She shakes her head. “No, don’t be sorry.”

He releases her waist and takes a step back, a look of dread now replacing the lust from before. “This is bad. This is so bad.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I can’t do this again. Us being together. It never ends well.” He runs a flustered hand through his curls. “I don’t want to hurt you again. I love you too much for that.”

She tilts her head to the side. “Why are you so convinced that you’ll hurt me again?”

“Because that’s what I do, Y/N. I think I’ve proven that. It’s just who I am.”

“No, it’s not.”

He turns away, but she steps forward and takes his face in her hands, making him look at her again.

“I know who you are. You’re kind and thoughtful and loving, and you have the biggest heart of anyone I know. You’re also flawed and imperfect and you make mistakes, but who doesn’t? At least you’re trying to be better, which is more than most people can say.”

His eyes never leave hers as she talks, which tells her that her words are actually sinking in.

“I know you’re scared of hurting me again, but I’m not scared. I trust you and I trust that it’ll be different this time.”

“How can you still trust me after everything I’ve put you through?”

“Because like I said, I know you.”

Like a light switch, Y/N catches the shift in his eyes from fear to hope.

“Now kiss me,” she says. “Properly this time.”

And then she’s back against the wall with his hands squeezing her waist and his mouth claiming hers. No hesitation this time. No internal conflicts. Just pure love and fervor and affection.

He gets even closer, until their fronts are touching, and rubs up against her. She moans, squirming between his body and the wall. Whereas she was cold before, the heat of their passion is enough to warm her up.

He starts speaking in between kisses. “We’re not”—kiss—“having sex”—kiss—“in an alleyway.”

She giggles against his lips. “Okay, then take me home.”

***

Back at Harry’s house, they’ve barely stepped in through the door before he’s pressing her up against it, attaching his lips to her jaw and neck while his hand wanders down the front of her body. His deft fingers unbutton her jeans before sliding inside them. He caresses her clit through her panties.

She tilts her head back, exposing more of her neck for him to kiss and suck on. Her hands weave through his hair. He continues rubbing languid circles into her clit until her panties dampen with her arousal, then stops.

“Nooo,” she whines.

“Shh, just taking you upstairs. C’mon.” He leads her up to his bedroom where he begins stripping off her clothes. He doesn’t remove his own clothes just yet, knowing she likes it this way. Something about being completely exposed and vulnerable while he’s fully clothed is a turn-on for her.

He tells her to lie on the bed while he goes to the closet to grab a couple of silk ties. When he returns, her hand is between her legs. He climbs on top of her and grabs her wrists, sliding them up by her head.

“Can’t leave you alone for two seconds without you touching yourself, hmm?”

She gives him an innocent smile.

“What am I going to do with you?” he says.

“Anything you want.”

His cock twitches in his pants. “Gonna be a good girl and keep your hands above your head?”

“Yes, sir,” she says, still smiling.

He kisses her briefly and gets up to bind her wrists to the bedposts using the silk ties. He has her tug on them a bit to ensure that they’re secure but not overly tight. Then he’s back on the bed, positioning himself between her spread legs, almost drooling at the sight of her dripping wet cunt.

She watches eagerly as he lowers his head between her legs and swipes his tongue over her slit, savouring her intoxicating taste and scent. It occurs to him while he’s sucking on her swollen nub that they haven’t does this in so long and she’s probably been in bed with several other people in that time. The thought makes his fingers dig deeper into her thighs. 

“You taste so fucking good,” he comments. “Annoys me to think of all the other people who’ve tasted you.”

“There haven’t been that many.”

“Well, even one is too many for me, so...���

She giggles and squirms as he dips his tongue into her hole. Whenever he draws back to take a breath, her hips automatically buck towards his mouth. He has to hold her down with one hand on her abdomen. 

It’s easy to tell when she’s nearing an orgasm from the way her thighs tense and her moans become more frequent, breathing more ragged. 

“I’m going to—” she begins.

“Don’t even think about cumming until I say so,” he warns.

“But I’m so close. Please—”

“Hold it.”

“I can’t!”

Ignoring her pleas, he continues licking at her clit as he pleases until she’s writhing on the bed, slowly coming apart. Her back arches as the orgasm ripples through her body. He waits until she’s done before pinning her with a disapproving look for cumming despite being told not to.

“What?!” she exclaims. “I told you I couldn’t hold it any longer. Not really my fault, is it?”

In a mere second, he’s hovering over her with a hand wrapped firmly around her neck. Her wide eyes stare up at him. He feels her throat bob up and down beneath his palm as she swallows. Her racing pulse can be felt under his fingers.

“What was that?” he asks.

“N—nothing,” she squeaks out.

“That’s what I thought, you greedy little slut.”

“I’m sorry.” Her voice is so small, barely above a whisper. He can see her sinking into subspace before his eyes. Tied up with his hand around her throat, completely and utterly at his mercy.

“That’s all right, darling,” he says. “I think you’ve forgotten who’s in charge, but we can fix that.”

He starts untying her wrists. She eyes him curiously but doesn’t dare to speak. He flips her over onto her stomach and reties her wrists. 

Leaning down to her ear, he asks, “Do you remember the safeword?” He expects her to have forgotten after all this time, but she proves him wrong.

“Peaches!”

“Good girl.” He plants a soft kiss to her lips, then straightens up again. 

He runs a hand through her hair and down her spine before resting on the delicious curve of her bum. He gives it one brief squeeze before lifting his hand in the air, watching her tense as his touch disappears. He allows the anticipation to build before bringing his hand back down in one swift motion. A resounding slap echoes through the room, followed by a grunt of pain from Y/N.

“Count, slut,” he orders.

“O—one.”

He spanks her again, harder this time, and relishes the way her ass bounces from the impact.

“Ah! Fuck. Two.”

The next few arrive in quick succession, causing her to squirm and fight against her restraints in a futile attempt to escape her punishment. He knows she’s enjoying it though because when the next slap lands on her pussy, his hand comes away covered in her juices.

“Look at you, getting off on your punishment. Only whores enjoy getting punished,” he teases.

Y/N presses her reddening face into the pillow and moans. He chuckles at her reaction and delivers a few more slaps directly to her cunt.

Finally, he stands up to undress himself. Then he lifts her hips off the mattress to shove a pillow under them, propping her up into the perfect position for a fucking. His dick is rock-hard at this point. He’s been palming himself through his pants here and there, but only her pussy can give him the relief he needs. He presses himself against her opening, then stops and starts rubbing his tip against her clit instead.

He keeps this up until she grumbles impatiently, “Can you fuck me already? Please and thank you?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” he says with a smirk, then plows his cock into her.

She inhales sharply. He groans. It takes them both a few moments to process the intensity of her walls stretching around him. He pulls out and pushes back in, his length gliding in and out effortlessly due to her wetness. She tries to grind her hips back into him, though his strong grip keeps her locked in place.

As he brings her to the brink of yet another orgasm, she says, “I need to— I mean, can I please cum?”

He slows the pace of his thrusts. “You came once already, remember? Now you want more?”

“Yesss.” She tries to look over her shoulder at him, and if he could see her big, beautiful eyes, he would probably give in way sooner. “Please, H, I’m sorry for earlier. I really am.”

“Hmmm, I don’t buy it.”

She whimpers in desperation, her hands curling in their restraints.

“I think I should cum inside you and leave you here, unsatisfied, alone, and dripping with my cum.”

Her jaw drops at his evil proposition. “No! God, please don’t do that to me. I’ll do anyth—”

“Shhh, I’m only teasing, sweetheart.” He rubs a soothing hand over her back.

She lets out a sigh of relief.

“You can cum now.”

The words are barely out of his mouth before her pussy is flexing fiercely around his cock, shrouding it in more of her creamy wetness. A few more sharp, sloppy thrusts and he’s cumming inside her too, moaning and repeating her name in his blissful haze.

After pulling out, the first thing he does is remove the pillow from below her hips and untie her wrists. Then he lies down next to her and pulls her into his arms, pressing his lips against her forehead.

“You did so good for me, baby,” he says. Then he draws back to take a good look at her. “Are you all right?”

She gives him a dazed grin. “Oh, I’m amazing.”

He chuckles. “Yes, you are.” Pulling her into his chest, he tells her, “I love you.”

“I love you.”

As they lay there together, he marvels at how lucky he is. Not only to have another chance to be with her, but to have her in his life at all. Y/N is right; things will be different this time. Because this time, he’ll spend less time worrying about getting his own heart broken and more time cherishing hers.

***

Thank you for reading!  MASTERLIST

[sprinkleonthatcriticism]

So I saw someone mention Namy Gaga on here and... well, if you want more context, I'm more than happy to provide links (to videos by Biotex Racoon on Youtube - overall they do a good job at detailing credible information regarding Namy's actions (English subtitles are needed btw)) for more context:

Part 1: https://youtu.be/tYptunXswYI?si=omEUyuajQwhUUZK7

Part 2.1: https://youtu.be/sjwFO6v8j84?si=dqvPyc5ourgKjGYo

Part 2.2: https://youtu.be/hOsdtXk4P_U?si=aSNa9cye6qUarQUi

Part 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcrRkJPeQKg

I'm actually surprised not enough people are aware of her actions, which is actually worrying to me given that she still has her online platforms (Youtube, Deviantart, Tumblr, Insta, Cara, Twitter, etc.) despite the hurt she has caused.

The reason why I'm not showing images/evidence for some of her actions on here is because I want to maintain my anonymity for my own safety (since Namy has had a history of harassing her critics and manipulating her fanbase to harass those who publicly bring awareness to her behaviour) and Tumblr doesn't allow you to share images in an anonymous ask.

If you want a summary of some of the more egregious things she's done, I'll quickly provide one below (with the appropriate disclaimers and content warnings for any readers ofc).

SOME DISCLAIMERS/NOTES:

TO ANYONE READING THIS: Please DO NOT send harassment to either Namy or anyone else involved.

TO ANYONE READING THIS: Please DO NOT contact/harass Namy’s current partner or any of her family as, to my knowledge, they have no involvement in the incidents I’ll be discussing.

TO ANYONE READING THIS: Two things can be true at once. Namy should be held accountable for her actions regardless of her LGBTQ+ experiences AND invalidating/disrespecting the identities of Namy and those involved (her victims included) is bad and sets an awful precedent when it comes to cases like this.

Namy was born in October 1998 and currently lives in Mexico (as per her DeviantArt bio).

At the time the majority of the incidents that I’ll discuss were documented (2015-2024), Namy had been very open about her lesbian identity and a lot of her work features LGBTQ+ characters and relationships (mostly those under the sapphic umbrella). As of me writing this, she still identifies as lesbian/sapphic (“I still like women, I have a sexual and romantic preference for feminine traits, I don't care if the person is a trans girl, an androgynous person or a genderless person or many, as long as they look feminine, I like it”).

For the majority of her online presence, Namy identified as a cis woman, but explored androgynous gender expression (e.g. fashion) in ~2022-2023. As of August 2024, Namy opened up about being genderfluid. While Namy still prefers “she/her” (which I will be using here), she doesn’t mind being referred to as a guy.

Some of the controversies Namy has been involved in have been omitted from this ask, either because they were caused by a genuine misunderstanding, were resolved privately, were just blown out of proportion by some people to justify harassment, and/or will take focus away from the more concerning incidents should I discuss them here.

When discussing some individuals, certain details have be changed/omitted to respect their privacy and to prevent further harassment.

Despite the substantial evidence supporting the testimonies of those she hurt, I regrettably need to state that, until Namy has been trialled and convicted in a court of law, she is innocent until proven guilty (that, however, is a legal disclaimer and should not be misconstrued as me dismissing the aforementioned evidence). 

As a FNAF fan since mid-2019, I used to be a casual fan of Namy’s FNAF AU from that time up until mid-2022 (when I first found out about some of the more egregious things she’s done, including what happened to one of her victims) - this is why I know a bit about her AU story and how closely tied the development of it was to the incidents I’ll discuss (essentially tarnishing the legacy of that AU).

While I will give Namy a SMALL benefit of the doubt that she has changed from certain behaviours and mindsets (e.g. transphobia), no amount of “wanting to change” will exempt her from being responsible for the hurt she caused to her victims and any legal consequences that she will have to face for that.

CONTENT WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF:

Predatory/abusive relationships

Inappropriate and illegal/immoral NSFW artwork

Queerphobia including but NOT limited to:

Transphobic remarks

Fetishisation/harmful depictions of bisexual women (in a fictional context in her FNAF AU, but still has worrying implications)

Distasteful remarks regarding ace and pan people

Potentially harmful depictions of sexual abuse and mental health struggles experienced by LGBTQ+ characters (again, in her FNAF AU)

Harassment including but NOT limited to doxxing, sexual harassment, and spreading misinformation

Manipulative behaviours

Using slurs as a means of deriding those with genuine criticisms/concerns

Basically, here is the summary:

Namy has had a long history of creating NSFW artwork condoning/romaticising incest (e.g. one of the romantic pairings in her FNAF AU being of Circus Baby/Brenda and her adoptive mother Ballora/Roselle) and the sexualisation of teenagers/children (e.g. her infamous TOH comic), some of which date back as far as 2014/2015. As of 2024, she claimed that she has removed those pieces from all of her NSFW platforms, but as of me writing this, they're all still up on her Baraag account.

She has swung between condemning and supporting Shadman and his drawings (if you know, you know) whenever it was most convenient for her, claiming that he was one of her inspirations when it came to drawing NSFW artwork herself from a very young age.

In 2018, Namy harassed another FNAF AU creators (Ed00chan), claiming that her FNAF AU was better and making a couple of what I can only describe as harassment drawings (both of which are still on her Deviantart (https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/Pero-ke-Mrd-es-esto-NO-706449559) and one of which included the AUs of other artists who I doubt supported her harassment in any way (https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/FNAFNG-What-did-you-say-753972002)).

Namy has had a history of being incredibly immature and spiteful towards her critics (not the trolls, I mean those who had genuine concerns about her behaviour). In response to getting kicked out of a Welcome Home Facebook fan group in May 2023, she accused the admins of homophobia (essentially using her identity as a shield) when they were actually concerned about the safety of the other members. In the years prior to this, she had used multiple slurs to refer to her critics, such as "gringo" (a derogatory Latin Spanish term for anyone who is a foreigner, regardless of someone's skin colour or ethnic/cultural background), the n-word, and the r-slur.

In July 2023 (around the time something VERY important happened that I'll discuss later on), Namy made a Tumblr account and made two posts mocking her critics. She has since repurposed it as an ask blog, but that blog was still intended to be used to harass her critics.

In 2015, she made a post on Twitter arguing that medical transition and gender-affirming surgery was a pointless endeavour for trans and gender-diverse people, telling those who have had surgery to get a refund and calling them the latin Spanish equivalent of the f-slur (that screenshot may still be circulating on Tumblr).

In 2018, Namy made an infamous "meme comic" gatekeeping LGBTQ+ experiences (i.e. according to her logic, exploring and coming to terms with your sexuality/gender is a 'decision' and that her advice is 'the most correct') - warning that some of the comments underneath this post are pretty confronting: https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/LGBT-Correct-answer-Meme-757868018

In the years to follow, she has been criticised by LGBTQ+ people for a number of things including but not limited to: making distasteful comments about two pansexual characters from her FNAF AU (see in the description of this post (https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/FNAFNG-Pride-Month-11-881475230) and Namy's response to one of the comments of this post (https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/FNAFNG-Pride-Month-14-966150705)), ignoring the fact that ace and a-spec people can have relationships (translated from one of her Twitter posts in 2021: "As long as a character may be able to feel love, they have the right to have a partner"), pairing bisexual women characters in her FNAF AU with incest jokes (the adoptive daughter of Chica and Stacy/Toy Chica: https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/FNAFNG-Photo-album-926228818) and incestuous relationships (Circus Baby/Brenda), pairing Brenda's bisexuality and her trauma from sexual abuse (which she also fetishised in this censored drawing: https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/FNAFNG-Freakenda-begins-ECCHI-880842769) with said incestuous relationship without any level of sensitivity or consideration, and tagging an NSFW artwork of Poppy Partridge (a trans woman) from Welcome Home as "futanari" (a hentai genre that has been heavily criticised for fetishising trans and intersex bodies).

On two separate occasions, Namy engaged in predatory, abusive (emotionally and sexually) relationships with 16-17 year-old individuals. One of these relationships took place in 2019-2020 (Evan, a trans man who Namy dated prior to his transition - after their relationship ended, Namy would misgender and deadname him behind his back) and the other in 2020-2021 (Mely) - both of which while Namy was in her early 20s and completely aware of their ages (blackmailing Mely into keeping her age a secret).

As per their testimonies, both Evan and Mely experienced emotional/sexual abuse, romantic grooming, and manipulation from Namy. Biotex's new video details Namy specifically did to them both (warning for some of it can be incredibly distressing to read/hear about).

Namy has defended both of these relationships, even falsifying Mexican laws to downplay how illegal these relationships are (despite the fact that the ages of consent in most provinces in Mexico, including her own, is 18 - and that Mexico does not have "Romeo and Juliet laws"). 

After Mely cut ties with Namy, Namy allegedly continued to harass her, especially in her comments on the former's Facebook posts. In July 2023, Mely - who had come out about her experiences publicly in September 2022 - filed a lawsuit against Namy (yet to be resolved as of me writing this).

In response, Namy doxxed Mely's full legal name in a video addressing the lawsuit (which has since been deleted) and lied about the relationship, inciting her fanbase to harass Mely. This harassment worsened in December 2023, when Namy released a Google Drive attempting to paint herself as innocent and to victim-blame Mely. The Drive in question has been privated as of me writing this, but it contained screenshots and other evidence confirming that love-bombing and sexual coercion/exploitation among others were involved in this relationship (meaning they could easily be used in to support the victim’s testimony in a court of law).

Namy continues to victim-blame both Evan and Mely, despite privating the Google Drive and claiming to have apologised to both victims.

Since Biotex's newest video came out, there was a third victim (Zoe, who was one of Namy's voice actors for her FNAF AU animations since 2017 (when she was 16)) of Namy's behaviour and who knows how many others she's hurt! Even with the potential argument that Namy had no intent to have a romantic relationship with Zoe, that doesn't ignore the fact that, during 2017, Namy initiated sexually-charged conversations with Zoe, talked about ideas for NSFW art, and requested audio from Zoe to which she responded by saying that Zoe had a "sexy voice".

Thank you for reading.

.

[ilikekidsshows]

Call me a childish hater but I'm glad the Hack-San Ladynoir ending got obliterated into pieces. It already felt degrading and hollow back then with how Adrien's worry for Ladybug's life is not not addressed to give Marinette a free pass for throwing the worst possible situation in Chat's face (someone else suddenly having her earrings which he understandably took as Scarabella being a Sentimonster and Hawkmoth possibly having found Ladybug). That episode said so much more about Marinette's absolut lack of care for Chat as a person than about Adrien being "needy". At least he deeply cared for her safety, can't say that about Marinette apparently)

And I also hate how Marinette is using the term 'sulking' to describe her own feelings if she were in Chat's position. It's such a childish and degrading word to use here. That episode already killed most arguments that Marinette thinks about Chat's safety beyond how she plays into it (with Kuro Neko for example killing the rest. Gurl seriously thought Chat's akumatized as a civilian for a while and didn't even consider it BAD that Hawkmoth knows his identity, which she disregarded again in Elation), but I simply HATE that Adrien was made to attack Scarabella because he clearly thought about the realistic worst cases

And yet the end of the episode has Marinette use childish terms and not even once push back on Chat basically telling her that he's irrelevant. She took care of what's important and that doesn't include him. She's perfectly fine with him thinking that because obviously she considers his hurt feelings as unprofessional neediness that came from their 'special bond' and not because he was still left to believe that he's supposed to care for her safety in their duo and that Ladybug would do the same (which the show has shown over and over again, she literally wouldn't. She barely remembers that Chat is a real person and the show plays it straight)

I hate that the episode had Adrien initially REACT in a way that honors the bond Ladynoir was once supposed to have (meaning, seeing a new holder with the other one's miraculous as a red alert situation) just to be girlbossed into oblivion by the two leaders on top of the hierarchy who clearly don't consider him in anything.

That is such an awful way to morally approach this as show. Adrien was the only one of the three of them who treated the situation with the right seriousness and he got punished for it by being treated as a pet and needy child to the two treat Ladybug's above him.

It says honestly so much more about Marinette and Alya than Adrien.

Marinette viewing Chat's problem as some unprofessional neediness is also highlighted by her not even humoring the question of if he too may need a person to confine in. All she say sis that she would have sulked if she had found out like this that he revealed himself to someone else, but she does not care to ask of he needs anyone. For. Her it's a ridiculous thought apparently that Chat could need something.

Or have valid feelings that go beyond unprofessional hurt feelings because "their bond is so special uwu". How special can it be if Marinette at no point can be made to give a shit about the person underneath his mask? When she immediately ditched him after being told "no" once in Kwamis choice?

How special can it be when Marinette over and over and over again degrades anything Chat feels as childish pettiness and sulking that need to be fixed by him catering to her more?

I don't care what anyone says, Adrien was right in leaving in Kwamis Choice. Very obviously he had to learn ever since Hack-San that Ladybug is a person he needs to be able to live without because this girl is the most unreliable partner anyone could be stuck with. My hope is that Lila will have a blast with the broken pieces that is Ladynoir. I don't even want them to break up forever to punish Marinette or some nonsense, I just want the show to fucking DEAL with this horrible morality that is Marinette's absolut disregard of Chat being a real person.

---

This tendency is extra annoying when as early as the New York Special we saw Adrien’s despair over killing someone be sidelined with Marinette lying on the ground, sobbing about how Adrien went back to Paris instead of spending a school trip with her, the epitome of having petty “me problems”. Cat Noir giving up his ring is just pushed aside with a "he made his choice", because why would Marinette care about her loyal superhero partner who was just seriously traumatized when she can cry about Adrien going home from a trip early instead? Adrien having any feelings on actually important stuff is just him “sulking”, but Marinette can throw herself a pathetic pity party about how she can’t see Adrien for a few days and we’re supposed to treat it like she’s lost everyone who ever cared about her.

But, sure, Adrien is the one being emotional and needy, while our feminist icon “girl power” protagonist cries and throws up because she has to be a day without her crush. At this point, Adrien could have a hole in his torso, and the show would still treat him as an ungrateful whiner, while Marinette getting “Queen Bee” in a Miraculous hero personality quiz would be treated like the world was ending. It doesn’t matter whether or not someone is dead, has had their secret identity discovered or has been replaced by a Sentimonster. What actually matters is whatever petty shit Marinette is worried about today, which is usually the same petty shit she’s worried about every day, just for the record.

This is Marinette being sad that she failed to tell the boy she will see in school a few days later that she loves him, like she fails to do every day of the week. But this is treated as the emotional lowest point of the movie, with more pathos than anything else this entire show has gotten even after the fact, because she’s crying in the rain about it this time. Clearly Marinette has more important things to worry about than Adrien does and this isn’t all just emotional manipulation on the part of the writers! Her love life is being slightly inconvenienced! We're supposed to take this shit seriously!

Like, while Marinette is lying on the ground, in the rain, crying after failing to do something she will be able to try again in a few days at the most, Adrien is dealing with having (temporarily) killed someone and his abusive father being in a Mood(™). Cat Noir is missing in action. Soon after we see Hawk Moth is gonna try to cause a nuclear apocalypse, which ends up being treated as normal superhero hijinks. The special treats all of this obviously more pressing stuff as unimportant, because it’s not about Marinette's love life and god forbid this show be about anything other than Marinette for five minutes.

Like, when I first saw the NY Special, I said she deserved to lose Cat Noir as a partner. I only meant that in a “This was caused by her own actions and Marinette should learn a lesson from this” kind of way back then. Now, though? Getting away from Marinette is for Adrien’s own good, and I hate that being concerned for Adrien now translates to “wanting Marinette to be punished”, all because Marinette has been turned into such a toxic, needy, clingy person that she will be in emotional agony if anyone around her takes distance from her to take care of their own needs first instead of solely catering to hers.

In a narrative that treats Marinette’s smallest inconvenience as more important than the well-being of any other character, of course the idea that Marinette herself could ever be in any real peril is inconceivable. The writers would never let anything happen to her, so Cat Noir is just stupid for worrying about her well-being, he should just be aware of the meta narrative, I guess. No one could ever defeat Ladybug, which is why the writers’ commentary claims Marinette won in the S5 finale, so the only thing to actually be worried about is whether or not she gets to have her boytoy of choice. Actual peril doesn’t exist in the larger narrative of Miraculous, outside of vague hypotheticals that will never come to pass, because the biggest worry of the entire universe is to make sure Marinette isn’t upsette.

[chaifootsteps]

while it's nice to see Vivzie finally acknowledge Stella is worthy of pity 'in her own way' (something about the phrasing on that tweet rubs me the wrong way tbh, feels like they're implying her pain is like less important or valid or something? might just be me) it's kind of frustrating to see the end of the tweet say 'that doesn't absolve her of the pain she's caused', because like

I haven't seen many people making that argument, tbh?

like sure there are Stella stans who unironically say she was in the right to order a hit on him and it's fair retribution, but I don't think they're the majority

the majority of fans & former fans I've seen are just frustrated at how much of a caricature Stella is; as a portrait of an abuser she's incredibly poorly done and as an intended Hate Sink with no redeeming qualities she's frustrating because her backstory is just as tragic as Stolas', arguably more so because she has way less power & social mobility than him yet we're supposed to treat her like an irreedemable monster because the writers decided she was evil since birth.

I don't pity her because I like her or because I excuse anything she's said or done to Stolas. I pity her because I look at her backstory and can easily imagine how much of a nightmare her life is & how the fandom only ever seems to consider the 'arranged marriage' part of it and not the laundry list of other things that are awful about Stella's life. And I pity her because she reminds me of people IRL - mostly women - who are stuck in awful circumstances then are victimized twice by people who, if they even recognize the circumstances are bad, don't care about how that influences the person they currently are or why they behave in ways that seem inexplicable to us

for example the whole Stella likes throwing parties thing. we're obviously supposed to take it as a sign she's vapid and shallow, but what else is she supposed to do? at least if she throws parties misery can have company & her friends can visit. We see Stolas make fun of her for not knowing how to spell, but was she ever expected to be literate or allowed to have interests outside of raising a child she didn't want? the show just doesn't care to answer what society looks like for someone in her position. her interests only matter insofar as they provide a vector for the viewer to hate her some more

(going back to the recent discussions around MLP it's so noticeable they went out of their way to avoid 'stereotypical feminine interest = worthy of scorn' by having Rarity & Pinkie's interests be fashion and parties and the rest of the cast being chill about that even if they don't share that enthusiasm)

I know there are some proposed fix it scenarios in your inbox that often throw in 'and then Striker kills Stolas' as a closer but like even those don't sound like they approve of Stella or anything she does. far as I can tell they just hate Stolas and are tired of him because the show keeps insisting he's a perfect angel who never means to hurt anyone so that makes it OK. there's no chance of getting any catharsis seeing Blitzo or anyone else stand up to him, so we have to imagine it. It's even more galling considering Stella keeps most of her ire focused on Stolas whereas Stolas is exploiting and gaslighting a member of the lower classes. I mean at least Stella seems to have no delusions about who or what she is, she knows she's being awful and she revels in it. Stolas meanwhile is in total delusion about who he is and what he's done & the show is running out of chances to fix that

so like yeah, nothing Stella has suffered absolves her of her treatment of Stolas. But that exact logic applies to Stolas, too, yet the show wants us to show him more than pity - it expects us to like and empathize with him while he frees Blitzo from sexual slavery mainly because he feels entitled to love & affection that he's not getting and was never owed

That's what it boils down to, really. Stella's not allowed a free pass, while Stolas is allowed to hurt whoever he wants for any reason.

[clubdionysus]

[BAD DECISION #49] Stooping

warnings: a wedding! how delightful! koo in a suit! delicious! our starluvrs subtly matching!! yummy! what an apt time for romance!! hayun >:( a wedding is no place to argue!! and yet..... lol. discussions of noses!! pda??? what is happening?!

notes: just one tonight bc tomorrow you get a lurveeely lil bunch of chapters <3

wc: 10K

bd total wc: 540k (ongoing)

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

Jeongguk has always been gentle: with you, with your feelings, with your body. This morning, he seems even more so, almost like he's cautious. 

In all reality, it's just gone six in the morning, and he knows he's waking you before you're fully rested. Feels bad. Is why he's brewing coffee in a French press in the kitchen, ready to wake you up a little. 

Quiet as can be, he's letting you hold onto those final moments – but when he glances over to his room, and finds you wrapped up in his duvet, leant against the doorframe, he knows he's failed.

"Sorry," he whispers. Offers a small smile that you reciprocate, eyes all blurry, face a little puffy. "Did I wake you?"

Shaking your head, you lie. "Think I'm just nervous about today."

"Why?" He grins as he begins to pour the coffee into iced cups – not quite your usual americano, but the closest he can get without leaving his apartment. Isn't dressed for it. Left his shirt in his room, along with everything else except for the Calvin's keeping him decent, and the glitter of yours dappled all over his skin. "It's not like you're the one getting married."

There's a sweetness to his voice, with no annoyance in his posture nor expression when you dump the duvet on the floor. The shirt he'd left in his room is now on your body, and Jeongguk marvels at the sight of you. Hair a little lopsided, your glitter is smudged all over your cheeks, making him smile. He'd picked you up after a shower yesterday, yet you're still covered in it.

"I don't know," you shrug, hopping up on one of the barstools opposite him. "Big day, isn't it?"

A cowlick of hair sticks up from his head, making him look like the sweetest sprout ever known. Cheeks full, his face is a little puffy, too. You both need water far more than you need coffee.

"How so?" He asks, as if he doesn't know.

"'Cause nobody knows you're obsessed with me yet."

Jeongguk's pretty sure they've known for months, now.

"More like you're obsessed with me."

"No," you hum, sitting up a little straighter. "To become obsessed is to lose yourself, and I am not a loser."

"Yeah, you are."

"Am not," you protest, but there's a tranquil smile on your lips.

It's impossible to lose with Jeongguk, you think. Impossible to have him and not consider it a win. A monumental win, at that. A win for yourself. For your heart. Against Hayun, too, but you're trying not to think about her.

Her message sits delivered in your otherwise unused chat feet. Part of you feels like Nabi had encouraged her to send it for the sake of Seoyeon, and while you don't want to be difficult, you also don't feel like peace needs to be made.

See, peace would indicate harmony. No ill feelings – but you know damn well if you have to greet Hayun with anything more than a smile and simple hello, you'll feel like an imposter in your own skin.

Small talk is reserved for the people you care about, not those who destroy people you care about. Doesn't matter how things currently stand. She was awful to your favourite person in the whole entire world. How she treated him just makes no sense to you in any way, shape, or form. He was born to be adored, you think.

You're no saint, and you've had your fair share of disagreements with Jeongguk, but all your arguments have been fundamentally human. Issues borne of miscommunications, or hurt feelings. Unintentional upsets.

What she put him through was cruel. Inhumane.

So no, you won't give her the time of day, and if anyone suggests you do, you'll simply smile and move the conversation along.

Jeongguk's nattering on about the wedding – how he's not sure how to do his hair, so you tell him that he should wear it pushed back.

"You think?" He contemplates, pulling at a strand just above his eyes. Tries his hardest to look up at it.

"Yeah," you nod, knowing that he's not really asking, as such. He wants to be told what to do. Doesn't want to make the decision himself, 'cause he's already a little anxious about the responsibility bestowed upon him as the ring bearer. "You always look really nice with it pushed back."

With a slightly bashful smile, Jeongguk nods. "Okay. Let's go get ready, B."

As Jeongguk's tyres crunch to a halt on the gravel of the driveway, you're a little bit blown away by the grounds of the venue you're in.

A chapel wedding never would have been Yoongi's taste. It's not his style. Likes tradition, hates establishments. He'd found a kindred spirit in Seoyeon; a love for the less than typical. A desire to do things a little bit differently.

A string of Joseon-style Hanok houses sits in acres of sprawling countryside. Though they're obviously newly built, the style is so perfectly in keeping with traditional architecture that you wouldn't be surprised to see the scene in a historical drama.

The oak timbers are varnished, but unpainted; golden beneath the mid-morning sunshine. Lush grasses and shrubbery paint the landscape in the most beautiful hues of green, with dragonflies flittering around in the long spikes. There's a pond nearby, you're certain.

"This place is gorgeous," you say quietly, amazed you haven't ever come across it before – but why would you? Marriage has hardly been near the top of your to-do list, and checking out wedding venues for sport was abandoned the first time Seokjin cheated on you. It hasn't been indulged in since then.

Something about being here, Jeongguk beside you, makes you curious. Maybe there are new places that have opened up.

Seokjin had always been keen on a church wedding whenever you spoke about hypotheticals.

You've never wanted a church wedding.

You wonder what Jeongguk would want; if he'd even want one at all.

"It sure is something," he agrees, as he twists his keys off in the ignition but makes no attempt to get out of the car. "This is just where we're sleeping. There's a pagoda a little further along where the ceremony is happening."

You nod, unsurprised. These are just little dwellings, no matter how beautiful they are. You're sure the pagoda will be far more befitting of a wedding ceremony.

Silence fills the car as the radio cuts out, Jeongguk pulling the keys from the ignition. Neither of you care to fill the space. You're too fixated on the view in front of you.

Jeongguk's distracted too, but not by the view, no matter how pretty it may be.

A hundred and one thoughts run through his mind, but the one he can't seem to shake is how on earth he's gonna survive the day in a state of 'just friends' with you.

Of course, he'll be able to do it. Has done it for months – but fuck, all he wants to do in your presence is hold your hand. Steal kisses. Do things no one would question, if they knew you were together.

But you're still, on a technicality, not.

He's supposed to be sharing a room with Jimin tonight. When the place had been booked, it still hadn't been decided if you'd be sharing with Danbi, but as the months passed, it was blatantly obvious she'd be sharing with Tae.

But Tae was supposed to be with Namjoon, which left two options: either you or Namjoon should stay with Hoseok. At the time, the sensible choice was you should room with Hoseok. That's how the plans had transpired, and are the intended sleeping arrangements for the evening.

And it's been driving Jeongguk mad.

He likes Hoseok. Likes him a lot. Doesn't know him well enough to know that he's mildly repulsed by the idea of ever being intimate with you, because unlike Jeongguk, his boundaries as a friend stop short of sexual attraction. Like a normal friendship should.

He'd rather you weren't rooming with Hoseok, but he's hardly gonna cause an issue out of it.

What he is gonna do, however, is have periodic tantrums about it throughout the day's events. Nothing super obvious. Just a slight pout of his lips, or a furrow of his brows when he thinks about it occasionally.

Much like he is now, when you ask, "Do you know which room is assigned to who?"

"Names are on the doors," he simply says, knowing that's how Seoyeon intended to arrange it.

He thinks he's subtle in his mard. Thinks you're none the wiser. Believes he's good at hiding how he feels about it all.

Or at least he does, until you start laughing, "It's one night, Gguk. You can survive without me for a night."

"No, I don't actually think I can," he replies without missing a beat, decidedly needy in his lack of denial. "In fact, I think I might-"

"You're not gonna die," you smile, reaching across for his hand. He doesn't resist as you pull his knuckles to your lips, pressing a pretty little kiss upon them, then lowering them to your lap. Your clasp is warm. Welcome. Just like home. "It's just a night-"

"Just a night," he echoes, before arguing against you. "Just a night where you're gonna look all fancy and nice and I'm gonna have to know another man is taking you to bed-"

"He's not taking me to bed!"

"Well, then he's a fool."

"Shut up," you laugh, squeezing his hand a little tighter. "Hey, look at me." He doesn't. "Gguk, please."

As much as he wants to stay stroppy, he just can't say no to you. Glances in your direction. Finds his tense posture easing as he takes you in. Chocolate brown, his eyes are so dark you half think they'll swallow you up entirely.

"What?" he pouts.

"You'll survive the night," you assure him. "And Hobes has, like, the biggest crush on Joon."

This is not news to Jeongguk. He has eyes, and has spent time in the presence of them both. Is pretty sure that the crush is mutual. In fact, he's sure of it. Has never known Namjoon with a crush, but he's pretty sure that the way he gets a little tongue-tied around Hoseok is prime example of what it would look like.

"Well then why don't they share?" Jeongguk frowns. He really is petulant when he wants to be.

"'Cause they're normal," you grin. "They have a crush, and they're still pussy-footing around it. They're not like us."

His frown intensifies. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"The birds," you simply state. "Gguk, we were combating intimacy from the get-go. Breaking down barriers. Hobes and Joon will be taking things at a normal pace. If they're into each other, sharing a room will be a big step."

Foolishly, you didn't think Jeongguk's frown could get any deeper.

It does.

It's not because he disagrees with you, not at all. It's just that he wonders if you've fucked it; if you've ruined the sanctity of the early stages of a relationship. You'll never get those special 'firsts' with him. Never have those giggly, girly debriefs with Danbi after sleeping over Jeongguk's for the first time. Won't remember the date of your first kiss (even if it was the early hours of New Years Day, and impossible for you to ever forget).

He knows that staying in the same room isn't a big deal for you two. Knows that sharing a bed is like breathing at this point. Loves the comfort that comes with being with you. Hates that perhaps you don't get that wave of excitement from it because of it being so familiar.

And so he nods. Accepts your words, and decides that maybe sleeping apart will be good for you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that.

"You're right," he relents. Eases his frown lines as his head tilts back against the headrest. Lazily looking over at you, he squeezes your hand, now. Whispers, "I'll miss you."

He'd probably feel a lot better about it all if he knew that such a simple statement did, in fact, get butterflies swarming in your stomach. There's a sparkle in your eye as you whisper back, "I'll miss you too, Koo."

He grins now. With heavily-lidded eyes and a smirk that screams fuck me, he husks, "Don't call me that, B. You know what it does to me."

"Do I?" You banter back. Flutter your lashes like the dragonflies dancing outside Jeongguk's car. "What does it do, Koo?"

"B," he warns with a smile. "Don't."

"Don't what?" The hand of his that's being held in your lap is lifted. Repositioned; palm opened, then closed down on your chest. Encouraged to squeeze. Held in place by your own hand. He groans. Lets you dictate his movements – of which you very much do.

"Byeol," he whispers, now. "You'll kill me."

"I give you a reason to live," you flirt, because seeing him like this always gets you a little bolder. "No one else is gonna be here for another hour, yet."

"So?"

"So I know you cum in like 5 seconds flat-"

"Not true."

"-whenever you're touching with my tits."

"We-" he pulls his hand from your grasp and places your hands in your lap. Holds them there. "-Are on a shagging ban."

"But it's a special occasion."

Realistically, you're not vying for a shag. In fact, you'd be quite surprised if you were to end up in bed with Jeongguk at all, today. You're just teasing him. Winding him up because you can. Because you want to. Because it's important that he knows just how much you enjoy him in all capacities.

"You're a menace," he tells you. "A randy little gremlin."

"You love it," you tell him, voice playful.

He doesn't respond. Just gives you a look, that you interpret to mean, of course I fuckin' do.

"C'mon," he eventually sighs, regretful of the fact he has to spend time with people other than you. "Let's get our bags sorted, then you can get ready. I'll go find Yoongs."

There's an effortless nature to the way Jeongguk takes the lead; how diligent he is at getting from A to B. You know it's thanks to his job, and his studies, and the way he's gonna spend the rest of his career organising people and events, but something about it makes your tummy feel all fuzzy.

He's as dependable as the changing seasons; guaranteed. Competent, in the way he takes command of situations. It's not a trait you ever realised you valued until you met him. Had always been the driving force in your relationships. The one with the get-up-and-go attitude. It's nice to let your brain rest when you're with him.

You know his brain is probably going a mile a minute, but you also know that he somehow prefers to live like that.

And while it's true – he needs to be kept busy to keep himself from going insane – he does revel in the way you make him forget his stuggles. Nothing is ever too much trouble when you're within touching distance of him.

By the time you meet him at the rear of his car, Jeongguk has already swung his rucksack over his shoulder and is reaching for your mini-suitcase. Taps your hand away as you try to intercept. Nods towards the garment bags on the backseat, instead.

"Can you grab them?" He asks, voice soft, his lack of verbalised 'please' made up for with his puppy dog eyes.

"Sure."

He would have gotten them himself, but he knows you'd have insisted on doing something. This way, he does the heavy living, and you don't complain. A win-win.

Chatter comes naturally between you both as you make your way up the wavy stone path to the hanok. Set in a horseshoe formation, there's a small water feature in the centre, trickling ever so peacefully.

You're looking at your feet, avoiding the cracks, when you accidentally walk straight into Jeongguk.

"Steady on," he smirks, glancing over his shoulder.

"You don't stop in the middle of the road! Basic highway code," you tell him, certain that it's a universal rule of all roads.

"Okay firstly, this isn't a road-"

"The Romans would disagree."

"The Romans didn't know shit about Korea," Jeongguk laughs. While you know he's correct, you're a little curious as to what other trinkets of knowledge he's got hidden up inside that brain of his. He doesn't strike you as a history buff, but he also didn't strike you as a chess player, either. "But secondly, I was trying to figure something out."

Coming to stand beside him, you follow his line of vision. Tilt your head. Realise exactly what he's looking at: Your names, on the doors of the rooms next to one another. Close, but not close enough for his liking.

"Could always just switch them," he suggests. "Be together."

"Together?" You chirp, as if it's a foreign concept. Play up the idea that maybe it is. "Why would we be together?"

Jeongguk looks down towards you. Smiles. Gives you no verbal response, but you don't really need him to. Is so curiously smitten with your need to downplay how much you mean to one another. He presses a kiss to the side of your head, then heads towards the designated room. Calls back, "So are we still pretending like we're not together?"

"We aren't together," you assure him, smile as wide as the sky is blue. "You haven't asked me yet."

Turning as he reaches the door, his smile makes his lip ring do the thing . "It's a group activity, B. You could always ask me."

He's got a point. You're just as responsible as he is. It's sort of like you're both playing a game of chicken; edging one another closer and closer to the point of no return. Truth be told, in some sadistic, twisted kinda way, you enjoy this back and forth. The certain uncertainty.

It's an inevitable fact of life, at this point. You will be official - but you're both secure in that knowledge and enjoy toying in this slight state of limbo. Makes it fun. Exciting. Dangerous, yet entirely safe.

"Anyway," Jeongguk derails the conversation. Pops your bags by the door of your room, and leaves his door ajar for you to put his suit inside. Pats his pocket to make sure the ring boxes are still there. They are. "You get yourself ready. I'm gonna head over to where Yoongi's staying. Check in with him, make sure everything's okay."

"How far away is it?" You ask, really not knowing much about the site.

"Ten minute walk," Jeongguk says. "Two minute drive, if that. Follow the road we came in on round a little further, and there's another hanok like this, which is where their families are staying," he explains. "The ceremony pavilion is a little beyond that, by the pond, and I'm pretty sure it's where the reception is, too. Can't tell you where the wedding suite is, 'cause I haven't asked, but like... I don't think any of us need to know."

You nod, and let out a soft laugh. "Yeah, you're probably right."

Families and close friends have a place to stay by the reception, but other guests will be staying in the neighbouring village. The sprawling countryside is gorgeous, and lends itself perfectly to the tranquillity of a wedding, but the location is a bit of a pain in the arse to get to. Takes a little commitment. Is perfectly apt for a celebration of Seoyeon and Yoongi's courtship.

Jeongguk leaves you to get ready, but only after he's made sure to kiss you half a dozen times. Knows he won't get the luxury later, so makes the most of it while he still can. Smiles as his lips press down into yours. Giggles, 'cause he can't articulate the way he feels. Tells you to fuck off when you smile at him as he walks away. Walks backwards so that he doesn't have to stop looking at you. Shakes his head, grin as bright as a burning star when you tell him to fuck off, himself.

He thinks about saying he loves you.

Bites down on his bottom lip instead. Presses a kiss to the tips of his fingers and sends it your way as he finally turns around. Leaves you with an aching heart. It's so full that it's weighing down on your ribs in a way you're not used to - and yet you'll take the strain. Like it, even. Never want to lose it.

The rest of your friends slowly begin to trickle in. All arriving within the hour, they're early, too. Are excited for the celebrations.

The room you and Hoseok are in is as you'd expected: pale walls, natural wood, floor mats instead of beds. Traditional internally, just like it is externally, there are no big frills or grand statements.

And there needn't be, for Hoseoks personality fills it with such warmth and colour that it's all you need.

"Oh," he grits his teeth when he sees the dress that you're wearing. "You need to get changed. We can't wear the same dress."

Rolling your eyes, you swat him out of the way of the mirror. He's already in the fitted suit he's wearing, though if anyone else could pull this dress off, then it's Hoseok.

Simple in its structure, the satin sage green dress hits the floor perfectly in line with your heels. A split runs up to your thigh, but it's mostly obscured. The cowl neckline paired with dainty bows on the tops of your shoulders makes it the perfect understated wedding guest dress - pretty, but not asking for too much attention.

A second dress remains in the garment bag, far flashier - sparkly - but upon seeing the location, you want to remain stripped back. Glitter still prevails on your skin like it always does, and your eyes rival the disco balls that you know will be present at the reception, but you have a feeling you'll look a lot more cohesive in photos like this.

After all, this is Seoyeon's day, and she has very specific colours in mind, so you know it must be important. Both dresses got her approval when you'd asked last week, but it's a head vs. heart decision. You'll save the sparkly one for another time.

"Y'know, you clean up well, Hobes," you tell your friend as you smooth the front of your dress down.

"You say that like it's a surprise."

Glancing to meet his cheeky smile in the mirror, you're quietly pleased to have him here with you. Despite how much you genuinely enjoy the company of everyone here (well, nearly everyone), without Danbi and Hoseok, parties are never as much fun. They're your people, you think. Always will be.

But when you think of it, so are the rest of them.

Perhaps none more so than the boy knocking at your door ten minutes before you're supposed to head up towards the ceremony.

"I was just about to head out," Hoseok subtly smiles, realising who it must be. "See you in a bit."

You bid him farewell, then refocus on the mirror in a feeble attempt to look unaffected by Jeongguk's presence as Hoseok welcomes him in. Left alone, Jeongguk tucks inside the door. Shuts it, but doesn't lock it. Just leans against it with his suited shoulder. Wants to break the silence, but struggles to find the words.

There's a silence to the room as he drinks you in; the way the satin of your dress rests against a body he knows better than his own at this point. No words can convey the 90's television static that's sounding in his head right now. Nothing could articulate the way it feels like his heart is melting like butter beneath his ribs; how he feels like he might just die from the sight of you alone.

Turning to face him, you're still preening yourself, obviously a little unsure. Ask, "Watcha think?"

If Jeongguk could think straight, he'd say you're the most gorgeous woman alive.

But he can't, 'cause he's utterly consumed. Says instead, "You'll get told off."

"Told off?" you frown, then worry that someone else is wearing the same dress.

He nods, unaware of your thought process. "The bride is supposed to be the prettiest person at a wedding."

Something about compliments like this from Jeongguk - a little mindless, and feral in his own, sweet way - makes your tummy feel all funny. There's not enough room in the bodice for butterflies, so you roll your eyes. Try to remain composed.

"She is going to be the prettiest person at the wedding," you assure him, then hold your hands out for him to join you in the middle of the room. It takes a second, but he eventually complies. Of course he does. Will do anything you ask of him.

The light brown of his tweed suit looks almost grey. Lends itself perfectly to accents of deep teal and sage alike. Was a strategic choice. Didn't know what colour you'd be wearing, but knew he wanted to look good beside you.

He's without a tie - you knew he would be, thanks to what little he did share with you about his outfit choice - and a few of his upper buttons are loose. The silver of his usual chain sits prettily on his collar bones, hair pushed back, just like you told him to style it.

Hands in yours, Jeongguk takes in the sight of you. Is so pleased to see the dainty silver bird when it usually is.

"You look great," you tell him, 'cause it's important he knows. You never would have chosen the colour of suit he's gone for, but it looks absolutely divine on him. In fact, you're quite pleased you left him to his own styling devices. Rarely ever think his outfit choices are rogue, so you're really not surprised - but you did bring something for him just in case.

Pulling away from his grasp, you reach into the garment bag, and slip a small offcut of fabric from the bottom of your dress that had been saved when you'd have alternations made. Sewn perfectly into the shape of a pocket square, you say nothing as you pull out the white fabric in his breast pocket.

Without interruption, Jeongguk lets you. Watches your hands as you neatly arrange the pocket square. Likes the way the fabric compliments his suit. Loves it, in fact. Would love it even more if he noticed the tiny embroidered star on the material that you've hidden towards the bottom of his pocket. Matching the fabric's colour, the thread is so subtle that you have to know it's there to clock it. A secret declaration: I'm yours.

"Green suits you," Jeongguk eventually says. Gently pushes your hair back over your shoulders. Cups your jaw. Kisses you just as softly as he compliments you.

"Suits you, too," you tell him right back.

"Ready to pretend like we aren't dating for a few hours?" He smirks, knowing you'll find this just as hard as he is.

There's something about his phrasing - the acknowledgement that you are dating - that has you shaking your head. Smiling, like the cat who got the cream. "Not in the slightest."

And there really is no need. Everyone knows. The only people you're deluding are yourselves.

But as you give yourselves one final glance in the mirror, and Jeongguk slaps your ass before he leaves, you're quite content in this denial. Like the bubble that you're living in. Don't want it to burst. Not yet.

You're relieved as you join your group of friends by the water feature, finally seeing what everyone's wearing. It's the reason you had two outfits. Was afraid to clash.

Danbi is in teal - a strapless, figure-hugging number that looks outrageously good on her.

Like you, Nabi is in sage. A little darker in its tone, her dress is far more structured, finishing midway down her calves. You'd be forgiven for thinking she belonged on a runway; enviably tall and impossibly beautiful.

Hayun is the last to join the group, uncharacteristically smiley. Unlike the rest of you, she's opted for a well-tailored pantsuit situation. Deep teal, she looks just as good as she always does, red lips accenting her choice perfectly. One thing is for certain: the photos of everyone together are going to look great.

The men are in classic suits, with little variation. Jeongguk's is the most adventurous by far, and it makes you a little sad you hadn't done anything 'extra'. Kind of resent the fact Hayun's chosen something unique, but have to remind yourself it isn't a competition.

Walking down the twisty gravel road to the pavilion, arm linked with Danbi's, there's a whimsical feel in the air. Giddy happiness. You get to witness true love do its thing right in front of your very eyes, and that is a blessing, you decide.

As you turn the corner, there's a collective silence.

Brilliantly beautiful, the ancient-style pavilion is breathtaking against the backdrop of lush spring mountains. Though cherry blossom season is over, some of the trees are still blossoming; white magnolia accenting the green in the most gorgeous of ways.

Unpainted, the pavilion boasts the natural colour of its timbers, much like the hanoks, and as you spot Yoongi nervously waiting at the end of the aisle, you can't help but smile. There's a strength that comes with pavillions like these, despite their beauty. No place is more apt for them to say their vows.

Though his face lights up when he spots you all approaching, it's not enough to shake the nerves. It's not as if he's got any doubts, nor is he worried about Seoyeon having cold feet. It's just wedding jitters.

As the boys greet him with handshakes, there's a formality between them all that has never existed before. Tearful eyes, tightly shut lips. Smiles, and stuttered laughter. It's all very endearing.

Jeongguk takes a seat on the front row beside Yoongi's family. Needs to be close for his ever-so-important ring-bearing duty. You watch on from the row behind, unable to look at anything other than the back of his head.

For all the beauty of the landscape, and the gorgeous venue, he's still the most breathtaking thing about this place.

Or at least he is, until the pianist begins to play the opening notes of something you don't initially recognise. It's not a traditional choice, but then again not much about Yoongi and Seoyeon's nuptials are. It's around the time you register that it's a rendition of Etta James' At Last that Seoyeon finally comes into view.

A vision in a champagne-coloured tulle dream of a dress, she's every bit the girl of Yoongi's dreams. Whimsical and winsome, she captivates in a way that only she can. Hair loose, her usual plaits remain scattered throughout her dark waves, to match the single plait in Yoongi’s hair. There's something slightly eccentric about Seoyeon, and yet she's entirely down to earth.

Her deep, dark eyes are a little glassy, focused on her husband-to-be. Trying his best not to cry, Yoongi is almost annoyed at himself for being so emotional - but how could he not be?

Breaking tradition once more, Seoyeon's sister, Seobi, walks her down the aisle, much like Yoongi's older brother is his only groomsman. After all, this day is about them, and them alone. They've got everyone they care about watching on, and that's enough. When it comes to the actual wedding, they only want to focus on one another.

As you watch on, you think they made the right choice. There's something incredibly special about how Yoongi and Seoyeon look at one another. A reverence you don't see too often. One that keeps you glancing to the back of Jeongguk's head.

He fidgets, you notice. Gets restless.

You're unaware it's because it's taking everything in him not to turn around and steal a glance in your direction. Doesn't know how to be near you without being close to you. Hates it. Wishes you were by his side.

And yet when the time comes for Jeongguk to pass over the rings, he's smooth. Calm. Collected. Everything he needs to be and more. Doesn't drop them, which is what you'd been fearing more than anything.

A wave of relief flushes over you as he takes his seat once more, his job done.

God, how you wish you were beside him so that you could give his hand a little squeeze. Nothing noticeable. Just a silent well done. Pride; shown in private, but not in secret.

Instead, you're forced to sit with an uncomfortable longing in your chest. A need to be closer to him. It's not a new feeling, per se, but it's definitely one that isn't usually as intense as it is right now. Something's changed.

The feeling is washed away with a roar of congratulations as the newly minted Min's share their first kiss as a wedded couple. Soft, serene smiles are plastered all over their faces from the pandemonium, but the kiss perseveres. It's the first of a lifetime, so they're gonna make it count.

When they finally pull away for air, Seoyeon's hand is raised into the air, Yoongi's hand hooked behind her back as she cheers in pure delight. They really are the perfect tale of compromise, struggle, and fruition. A romance that has endured. 

It's been an honour to witness it - and as Jeongguk silently walks beside you to the reception, you can't help but be glad you're experiencing it with him.

Tables arranged in seating groups of six, you're pleased to find yourself sitting with Danbi. You've been assigned one of the top tables, with Seoyeon's sister and her other half, Dokyeom. Naturally, the remaining spaces go to Jeongguk and Taehyung.

Every bit as ethereal as Seoyeon, Seobi is a little more put together than her sister. She's got the height in her family, and a slightly better poise, but also has a look about her that lets you know she's just as much fun as Seoyeon.

Dokyeom looks like he's been copied and pasted out of the pages of an Italian fashion magazine documenting Milan Fashion Week. With a sharp nose, and just as strong jawline, you're surprised by how much he softens when he smiles - and given that he smiles almost every single time Seobi speaks, it's like having sunshine bottled up and put on your table. He even gives Hoseok a run for his money (but you'll never tell him that).

"So," Seobi says over wine between courses at dinner. Has been ever so chatty and curious about both you and Danbi. Though you're new to her, you're clearly important to Seoyeon - after all, the wedding party isn't that massive. Just their nearest and dearest. She glances towards Jeongguk, who's currently embroiled in some hot topic with Dokyeom. "How long have you guys been together?"

What a great question , you think to yourself, trying not to let the panic on your face show - but your pause sort of gives it away. You glance over to Jeongguk now. It's quick, but not quick enough for Seobi not to notice.

"Oh, unless, you're not?" She laughs a little.

You grit your teeth a little bashfully, then say, "Let me confer quickly."

Squeezing Jeongguk's arm, he's instantly pulled away from the conversation he's in. Hastily apologises to Dokyeom, then looks towards you.

"Yeah?"

And it's probably just because you're tipsy and this is all so stupid, but you find yourself absolutely enamoured. Grin, as you ask, "How long have we been together?"

Jeongguk pauses. The chatter around you both fades into silence. There's no one else in the room, as far as he's concerned. A smirk lingers on his lips. "Together?"

"Mhmm," you say quietly. "Seobi asked."

He turns now, the room chatter quickly clattering back into his ears. With a small smile on his lips, Jeongguk says to Seobi, "Like, a year. She's been playing hard to get, though."

With that, he dips. Rejoins his conversation. Leaves you with an incredulous look of bewilderment on your face.

"That's a long time to play hard to get, girl," Seobi laughs - but she also knows Jeongguk reasonably well by now. Was around during the Hayun days. Is pretty sure Jeongguk exclusively goes for girls who won't give him an easy win. "I'm impressed."

You know you could deny it. Could say he's making up. That you aren't together.

But it's a nice reality to think he's been yours for that long.

Deflecting the conversation back to her, you get the details on her and Dokyeom; how she actually met him through Jeongguk, and how they've known each other for years. Tells you about their awkward limbo between friendship and relationship, and how it's the best leap of faith she's ever made.

"Didn't believe him at first," she admits. Sips on her wine, and says, "Thought the idiot kept getting his heartbroken, but turned out the girls he was dating kept asking him to choose between me and them."

"And he always chose you?"

She nods. Looks smug, but incredibly sweet about it. Is just proud of the man she gets to call hers. "And he always chose me. He just never told me. Thought I'd figure it out."

It's sort of a blessing to hear that not everyone has the fairytale coming together like Yoongi and Seoyeon, or the slightly less romantic but still incredibly straightforward coupling of Taehyung and Danbi. That maybe your history with Jeongguk will be the making of you, not the downfall.

You almost choke on your wine when Seobi follows up with, "The she-devil given you any grief over it?"

It's now that you realise the most stark difference between Seoyeon and Seobi: their temperaments. While Seoyeon is a peacekeeper, Seobi has no time to entertain people she deems a threat to those she cares about. Knows of Hayun doing one too many shady shenanigans in the past to think that she's good for anything other than drama.

"Given that you don't need me to mention her by name, I'll take that as a yes," Seobi smiles, reading your expression perfectly. Rolls her eyes.

"It's not been so bad," you downplay the gravity of her impact.

"She told Dokyeom he could do better than me, once," she says, the taste of the words bitter in her mouth. Glares ever so briefly in the direction of Hayun's table. "Trust me, I know she's a cow."

"Why on earth would she do that?!" You almost gasp. It's one thing feeling possessive over Jeongguk, but another guy? Who she'd have known was friends with Jeongguk? Seems unreasonable.

"His nose," she says, deadly serious. So serious in fact, that you can't help but laugh - and then so does she. "It's true! She always goes for guys with great noses. I can't fault her. Jeongguk's ain't half bad, but it's got nothing on Dokyeom's."

"I'd beg to differ," you grin, appreciative of Dokyeom's nose, but thinking it can't compare. That's the thing though - of course you're enamoured with Jeongguk's nose just as much as she is with Dokyeom's. Goes with the territory.

"Well, you would," she grins right back. "But that's the thing, you actually give a shit about him. She was just a selfish bint looking for the next good nose."

Beneath the table, you reach out. Both of Jeongguk's elbows are on the table, hands out of the way, so you gently stroke his thigh. Just want to let him know that you're there, and that you do care. Not just about how unbearably sexy that nose of his is, but all of him.

Silently, still engrossed in his conversation, Jeongguk brings one of his hands down. Tucks it beneath the table. Finds yours. Interlocks your fingers together.

Pouting as she observes you both, Seobi is glad Jeongguk has you.

"Look after him," she muses quietly. "Him and his nose."

The night's celebrations proceed exactly as you expect them to; a myriad of champagne and confetti.

You all drink far too much, and dance a little too hard. Hayun is avoided for the most part, but not ignored entirely. You smile during conversations that involve her. Seoyeon is a girlie of peace, so you'll give her exactly that for her special day.

The only downside to a wedding is that the happy couple has to spend so much time entertaining other people. Seoyeon and Yoongi seem to have to constantly greet guests or say goodbye to older family members instead of revelling in one another's company.

In fact, the first time they truly do get a moment alone is when Seoyeon goes to change out of her wedding dress into an evening gown. Takes Yoongi with her, understandably.

Bouquet left on the table, the girls sit around a giggle, all incredibly wine-drunk. Gossiping and enthusing over little stories, there's an ease to it all - even if you are across the table from Hayun.

The boys are busy out on the front lawn. Yoongi had tossed Jeongguk the rest of his wedding cigars as he'd headed up to the bridal suite with Seoyeon. Felt like a shame to waste them. Also suggested that Yoongi wanted something to keep the boys entertained, knowing he'd be gone for a little while.

Toying with the ribbon around the stems of Seoyeon's baby's breath bouquet, Seobi muses, "I wonder which one of us will be next?"

It's her and Dokyeom, guaranteed. You only met them a matter of hours ago, but it seems like the only logical conclusion to draw. Taehyung and Danbi are nowhere near that point yet, and you and Jeongguk are still cosplaying as besties.

"Well if it's not you and Dokyeom," Hayun says a little absent-mindedly, as if she's forgotten whose company she's in. "Then it'll be me and Gguk. We've got that dumb pact of ours to see through."

She laughs, but she's the only one.

Everyone else just kind of looks at you.

"What?" she grins, but doesn't look in your direction. Shrugs, with such carelessness that you know she must be looking to get a rise out of you. There's no reason she'd open herself up for embarrassment like this if she didn't think she could embarrass you even more. Though red might be her colour, she doesn't like to be red in the face. "A pact's a pact, and we're both single. He's always been a man of his word, so why wouldn't he make an honest woman-"

"Yun," Nabi interrupts. Is stern. Looks at her friend, willing her to just keep her mouth shut. Knows that even if you and Jeongguk aren't specifically official, that you aren't exactly single, either. Very much the opposite.

Instead of listening to her, Hayun seems to find this all hilarious. "We could literally do it tomorrow." Her eyes seem so nostalgic that you almost feel bad. "Y'know, we made a cake once. Froze it. Said we'd use it-"

"Seriously, Yun."

"-if we ever got married. It's probably still there in the back of his free-."

"It's not," you finally interrupt. Honestly have no idea if it is in his freeze or not. Fabricate a story, just because you can't bear the thought of her knowing the intricacies of his home better than you do. "Gguk cleared it out ages ago so he could freeze Jimin's pens into an ice block. Said it was nothing special when he tossed it in the bin. Had terrible freezer burn. Clearly didn't care about preserving it. Sorry."

It's entirely plausible, you think, for Jeongguk to do such a thing to Jimin. Wouldn't be surprised if it is the kind of prank played in their apartment.

But just like you have no idea if her claims are legitimate, Hayun has no idea if you're telling the truth or not.

She shrugs. Looks directly at you, now. Smiles. Says, "Maybe he'll pick you as his Best Woman, given how close you guys are."

Hayun is playing entirely dumb to the fact she knows Jeongguk is head over heels for you. Wants to reduce you to nothing more than what you pretend to be: friends .

Part of you wonders if she's baiting you out. Trying to get you to admit it, that you and Jeongguk have been far more than just friends for a while.

The rest of you thinks she's just doing it to upset you.

Absolutely no part of you thinks she's delusional enough to actually believe what she's saying.

"Yeah, maybe," you smile, deciding not to rise to her. Glance over to Nabi. "You'll be maid of honour, right?"

She says nothing, because while yes, she will be Hayun's maid of honour when the time comes, she absolutely knows for certain that it won't be during a marriage between Hayun and Jeongguk, of all people.

"As seriously as I'll take the role of Best Woman, I'm afraid I have to tell you that I won't seduce you," you pout in Nabi's direction, making fun of the best man and maid of honour stereotype. It's not that Nabi isn't gorgeous, or undeserving of someone fawning over her - it's just that you're being petty and want to hit Hayun where it hurts with what you say next. "I mean, I can't fuck the maid of honour and the groom. That'd just be messy."

There's a couple of gasps, and some chortled laughs. Danbi curses, completely taken off guard by the fact you've just openly admitted to fucking Jeongguk.

Realistically, she knows it's more than just fucking. Knows you'll do anything for him. Knows that all of this is just a rouse to wind Hayun up.

"It'll be really cool of you to let me be the Best Woman, though," you insist, focusing back on Hayun, now. "Most girls don't like their partners being friends with exes, let alone invite them to their wedding! Such cool girlie energy from you, Yunnie ."

You're deliberately being patronising and you don't care. She started it. The only people left at the venue are your friends, so there's no worry about a public fall out, even if it is becoming more uncomfortable.

"We all know he only has exes because he couldn't have me," she shrugs, as if she actually believes that. "It's no threat."

You know she means to say ' you're no threat. '

You also know that would be a lie.

"It wasn't meant to be," you smile, just as good at playing faux-friendly as she is. "But he could totally have you, now, with the way you keep throwing yourself on him - yet he couldn't want you less, even if he tried. Funny, that."

A child-like fury sets into Hayun's features. There's no way she's winning this - but you don't exactly want to keep it up, either.

Pushing your chair back, you get to your feet, and smile. Excuse yourself. Head outside to where the scent of cigar smoke lingers in the cool early summer air.

With the changing seasons come the promise of something new. Something unprecedented. You'll never get the days ahead of you ever again. You'll rip them away like numbers in a raffle book, and toss them into a bin. Occasionally you'll get a winner - and when you spot Jeongguk laughing about something, stubbing out his cigar as soon as he sees you appear, you can't help but think this is one of those occasions.

"Hey," you grab his attention, squeezing his arm. "Just gonna run over to the rooms quickly. Want a jacket."

A little vacant in his registering of your words, Jeongguk turns away from the conversation he was in. Thinks nothing of the way he comes to walk alongside you, a hand on the small of your back.

"You don't have to come," you laugh. Had only been telling him so that you could keep him in the loop. Still, it's nice to have him follow you in the way that he does: without question, without request, without reason.

"Wanna," he just shrugs. "Haven't seen you in like, an hour."

"Oh, no," you tease. "How on earth have you coped?"

"Terribly," he admits, sipping on the beer still in his hand that isn't on your back. Passes it over to you. There's an easy silence when you take a sip, beer warm and bitter in your mouth. No need to fill the space where conversations typically are. In fact, it's the first time either of you have had the chance to rest your brains all evening.

Returning the bottle to its original owner, you snake your arm around his waist. Heels off, you'd left them in the reception venue, which is fine - except for when you reach the gravel driveway.

"C'mon," he insists, dopping his posture a little, positioning himself in front of you. "I'll carry you."

"It's fine-"

"Get on," he says, turning back over his shoulder. "It'll be quicker."

Your first attempt at jumping on his back fails. Has you both laughing. Are too drunk to coordinate yourselves properly.

Eventually, though, you land the jump just right. Wrap yourself around his body, and take his beer bottle so he can support your legs. Trust him with your body in the most innocent of ways.

He carries you the entire way without complaint, but as he puts you down outside the hanok rooms, Jeongguk simply says, "You can just borrow my jacket."

There's a curious wonder to the way you look at him, glitter shining under the low lighting of the pathway guides. This far out of the city, it's easy to see the stars - but Jeongguk would argue that it's always this easy whenever he's around you.

Narrowing your eyes, you tilt your head. "Could have offered ten minutes ago. Saved yourself a walk."

He purses his lips. Tries not to smile.

"True," he nods, drawing you closer, nudging his nose up against yours. Whispers against your lips, "But I couldn't have done this."

It's not new, the way Jeongguk's lips sink into yours.

The way he smiles into the feeling? Not new, at all.

The way you pull him closer and giggle between kisses, is again, nothing new.

Nor is the pressure of his lip ring, nor how his tongue strokes against your bottom lip. The way he kisses you is tried and tested; guaranteed to have you both melting into one another's touch.

You're not entirely sure how long it lasts. All you know is that your lips are a little numb, and his are now the colour of your lipstick.

Serene, as you stroke across his bottom lip with your thumb, you wonder how you made it this far with a man who makes you feel as secure as Jeongguk. Quietly hum, "Can I ask you something?"

He nods. "Anything."

And even though you already know the answer, you just have to be sure. Have to know. Aren't sure what you'll do if Jeongguk gives you a different answer than the one you expect.

"The pact... The one with Hayun." Upon hearing your words, Jeongguk frowns. Understands what you're asking immediately. "Is it... Like, will it still happen?"

There's a soft shake to his head. Silence. A deeper frown, and then, "No, Byeol."

"Even if we-"

"Even if we call things off," he cuts you off. Thinks it's vital that you know how serious he is about this. Knows you met him at a time when the answer would have been different, so that it might be hard to believe now. "B, that chapter of my life-" he shrugs. "-It's done. Completely. Entirely."

"Even if you're single at thirty?"

"If I'm single at thirty, it means I've fucked things up with you," he states, swallowing back the uncomfortable feeling that comes with that potential. Looks down, jaw a little tense. Shakes his head, then focuses his hardened gaze in on you again. "I liked telling Seobi we're a couple, earlier. I want that reality. And I also want you to stop second-guessing my intentions, B. You know how I feel about you."

You're silent, now. Hadn't even realised that your insecurities had been tarnishing his vulnerability.

You do believe him. Of course, you do. There's never been a pair of eyes more honest than his.

And maybe it's because he's drunk, and feeling everything a little more intensely, but Jeongguk feels like he simply can't take it any longer. Is in dire need of something more than the 'nothing' you're pretending to be.

But he's got a plan, and a way that he wants to do things, and a handful of more dates until he can do any of that.

So instead, he rests his forehead against yours. Wants to give you his heart, but will settle for his outerwear. Insists, "Wear my jacket, B. Please."

It's a curious way to declare your status as 'his'.

A shared blazer is exactly that. Nothing more, nothing less. Just a way to keep warm - but it's a sacrifice of his own comfort. A display of his desire to provide. Slightly primal, you think, as you wrap yourself in the scent of his cologne and the warmth of his body.

The garment swamps you, but Jeongguk thinks it looks sweet. Likes how undeniable it is that his pocket square matches your dress perfectly, now that it's on you.

And so when you return, Jungook takes the opportunity to dance with you in a way that you really shouldn't dance with a 'friend.'

Palms finding your waist beneath his jacket, the low lighting of the pavilion isn't enough to obscure the intimacy from onlookers. He's holding you close for everyone to see. For speculation to be made. For gossip to spread and for whispers to echo.

And they do.

Nodding across to the pair of you, Yoongi smiles. Leans across to his new wife as they sit together for a breather, and says, "Think they're finally getting their shit together."

Seoyeon can see it in your eyes; the way you look at Jeongguk.

It's the same way she looks at Yoongi.

Glancing across the room, Seoyeon is quick to check if Hayun has clocked what's happening, and frowns when she notices the little bit of agony resting between her friend's impeccably shaped brows. Regret, perhaps.

Seoyeon chooses not to mention it to Yoongi.

Instead, she rests her chin on her shoulder and looks at him. Waits for him to look at her, too. When he does, she smiles. "Do you think they'll go the distance?"

The answer is obvious. She just wants Yoongi's opinion so that she knows how to handle Hayun in the wake of it all. She's still her friend, after all. Still not someone she wants to see hurting.

But Seoyeon also knows there's no way in hell she can let Hayun throw a tantrum and disrupt the fledgeling romance between you and Jeongguk. It wouldn't be fair. Not to anyone.

Yoongi nods. Is quiet when he replies, "I think so."

He continues to watch his wife as her warm eyes focus on the pair of you once more. There's laughter between you both, Jeongguk leaning close to whisper in your ear as you slowly waltz together.

Hand in hand, there's no mistaking how naturally it comes to you both. A warm glow of exposed bulbs paint you both in an orange hue; toasty warm and quite content. The sparkle that's forever on your skin is in your eyes, too. And his. Sort of feels like watching a cosmic calamity take place.

There's something incredibly ordinary about you and Jeongguk. Totally unsurprising. Puzzle pieces correctly slotting into place.

What makes you special is that you're the final pieces of the puzzle. The ones that make it complete; that end the painstaking trials it takes to create the perfect picture.

"Okay, okay," you chuckle, deliberately trying not to draw attention to the conversation you're having. It's nonsense. Makes you feel all warm inside, how joyful it is to be with a person like him. He grips your waist when you laugh. Likes the way it feels. "Next hypothetical: Genie grants you one wish. No money, no bringing anyone back from the dead, no superpowers. What's the wish?"

"What's the point in a wish if I can't get superpowers?!" He protests, quietly and giggly, just like you are.

"The point is that it has to be something you really want."

"I do really want to fly-"

"Then get a plane."

"You're no fun, Byeol," he grins, suggesting that you are, in fact, a lot of fun. "Please let me have superpowers."

"Nope."

"Plea-"

"No," you laugh, knowing it's too much of an easy out. "C'mon. Use that brain of yours, babe."

And maybe it's just because you're a little drunk, or maybe it's cause the romantic air of a wedding has your brain a little loopy, but 'babe' almost feels normal. Almost.

The way Jeongguk cocks his brow, but says nothing about it – just accepts the term of endearment – makes you think that maybe it is normal.

Jeongguk would quite like it to be the norm. Finds himself all rather endeared, actually. Wants to kiss you. Knows he shouldn't.

So instead, he tells you, "I wish we were alone."

It's not that he wants to leave, or that he's bored of the celebrations. He's enjoying this dance floor far too much, and still has energy to burn from the sheer amount of cake he practically inhaled after dinner.

It's just that everything is so loud.

But when it's you, and him, in an empty room, Jeongguk's brain switches off. Falls into a natural state of being. It's the only calm he thinks he's ever known. Comfort, in a life that routinely feels uncomfortable.

"Why?" You smile, all tipsy and tepid, as if your heart isn't beating a mile a minute thanks to how risky this feels. It's like you're scared you're gonna get caught – but caught for what? You and Jeongguk are exactly what everyone thinks you are. There's nothing to hide, because it's impossible to keep a chemistry like yours secret.

You're caesium in water; nitrous oxide and carbon disulfide meeting an open flame. Things learned about as kids, but rarely – if ever – seen in adult life.

In fact, there's only one other example of such chemistry in this room, and they're sitting at the top table with freshly polished rings around their fourth fingers.

"You know why," Jeongguk simply says, then decides that simplicity is for idiots. Wants to embellish his words. Fluff them up. Make them stupid and irrational and ever so foolish. Wants to declare, because he thinks declarations are what you deserve. "Just wanna be with you, B. Constantly. It's like I have tinnitus whenever there are other people around, but then I see you and it-"

The word 'stops' is lost in your lips. It's fast and it's fleeting, but it's your own declaration right back to him: I want you, proudly.

Like the dragonflies you'd marvelled at earlier, your lips only flutter against his for a small fraction of time. Just long enough for him to know what magic feels like.

When you pull away, Jeongguk's eyes stay closed, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"What?" you giggle, squeezing the sides of his waist with so much adoration that he thinks he'll melt into your touch. "Am I not allowed to kiss you?"

On a technicality, no. You're not. You'd agreed to let things fly under the radar – but you're both tipsy, and you both hate the idea of other people simply being unaware.

Because you are proud.

You are his.

And you want that red hot pair of eyes on you to know it, too.

To know that he's yours. Him, and his pretty nose.

"It's against the rules," he smiles – then steals one right back.

"When it comes to rules, we always seem to break them," you hum, all serene and docile in the wake of Jeongguk's reciprocation.

That's the thing about you both. Are just handfuls of bad decisions wrapped up with bows and dusted in glitter. So pristinely messy that you wouldn't be out of place in the Tate, or SOMA, or some other gallery Jeongguk hasn't heard of but you know intimately. Displayed somewhere not too far from Tracy Emin's My Bed, or Kang Wonje's Black Star. Entirely human and yet not of this world at all. Will be adored by the masses; and will confuse just as many. An invaluable piece of art that will never be auctioned, 'cause you can't put a price on this. On love.

"It's what they were made for," he promises.

"Well, in that case," you hum, getting on your tiptoes to whisper in his ear. You're about to make an incredibly bad decision, and you know it - you're just beyond caring. "I think know a couple more rules we can break."

And the way Jeongguk looks at you would suggest he's past the point of caring, too. 

"Fuck it."

[dancinglikebutterflywings]

I Promise | Seo Changbin

-> Pairing: Seo Changbin x Journalist!Reader ft. Sibling!Yeonjun -> Request: from @kayleefriedchicken -> Synopsis: Changbin goes to stop Reader from doing something that could get her hurt. -> Warnings: Mentions of life threatening situations and almost dying. -> Word Count: 1,020 -> Requests: Open.

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©️ 2024 dancinglikebutterflywings - do not copy/modify/repost anywhere. Likes, comments & reblogs are welcomed and appreciated, thank you.

“Why are you here?” Y/N asks Changbin as he pushes past her into her hotel room. She watches as his eyes scan the small room with a single double bed, a kitchenette and a bathroom off to the side. It looks as shady on the inside as it does on the outside. 

“Why do you think?” he answers her question with his own as he turns to look at her. “You leave a vague message and then I... no-one hears from you in three days!” he begins to scold her. “Yeonjun was about to file a missing person’s report. The only reason he didn’t was because I reminded him how often you do this and that I would talk to my detective friend. I would have thought after last time you’d know better. How wrong was I?” he finishes with a scoff.  

All through his rant, Y/N has the decency to look guilty. The last time she pulled a stunt like this as she chased a story, she was hurt badly and almost died. All her family and friends concern for her tripled. They weren't going to sit by and let her get hurt again. 

Y/N nods, her eyes showing regret for not confiding in anyone. "I understand, Binnie. I made a mistake, and I apologize. I didn't mean to worry anyone. It's just... This story I’m working on is huge. It will expose some really corrupt people."   

"I know my words won't change your mind, but please think about it," he pleads with her, his voice filled with desperation.   

“I’ll be as careful as I can be. I can’t just give it up,” she sighs. “I’m sorry, you’ll just have to deal with it.”  

“Do you seriously hear yourself right now?”   

Changbin's voice rises in frustration. "You're risking yourself for a story once more. Think about the repercussions, Y/N. Your safety matters more than some awful person. I can't go through you being hurt again!" 

"I promise you, Changbin, I'll be careful," she says, her voice filled with determination. "I won't take unnecessary risks, and I'll make sure to have a plan in place. But I can't abandon this story. It's too important." 

He is about to retaliate when there’s a knock on the door. Y/N freezes unsure of who it would be. Changbin rolls his eyes and moves past her to open the door, revealing Yeonjun.  

“It’s your brother,” he tells her. “Maybe you can talk some sense into her,” he adds, speaking to his best friend this time before leaving the shady hotel room. 

“You couldn’t find a less shady hotel to hide out in?” Yeonjun cracks a joke, trying to ease the tension that had been left behind.  

“Have you come to lecture me too?” She scoffs and moves to sit on the corner of the flimsy bed. It squeaks under her weight.  

“Look, Bin’s not just your friend, he’s mine too. I know better than anyone that man protects everyone he loves. He’s just as protective over you as I am,” he tells her. 

“Because he sees me as another sister? An annoying younger sister,” she scoffs and then realises she said it out loud. She looks wide eyed at her brother. “Please pretend you unheard that.” 

He chuckles, shaking his head. “For someone as observant as you, you’re pretty blind at times.” 

“Am not!” she shouts offended. 

“Are too!” he shouts back. “You’re the only one who can’t see how in love with you he is! His protectiveness isn’t because he sees you as a sister,” he continues as he grows frustrated with his sister. “You almost dying last time you chased a story broke me in a way I didn’t think was possible. For Changbin, it completely shattered him seeing the woman he loves more than anyone else that broken and beaten. That is why he can’t sit back and watch it happen all over again. He loves you and I know you love him too, so please just hear him out, think about what we’ve both said,” he finishes more calmly. “No one wants to see you hurt again, especially me and especially Changbin.” 

With that, Yeonjun leaves the room, leaving Y/N to her thoughts.  

It took Y/N a full hour to organize her thoughts after Yeonjun shared new information with her. Her mind began connecting the dots, from Changbin's protective nature to the subtle touches. Yeonjun was right – she's been in love with their best friend all along. Since the day Yeonjun introduced Changbin to her, she knew he was different, more special than anyone else she’s ever met. 

As she sat there, replaying memories in her mind, Y/N couldn't help but feel a rush of emotions. She remembered all the times Changbin had made her laugh, wiped away her tears, and stood by her side through thick and thin.  

Now she stands in front of his door, hoping he's home as she knocks. Her heart races as she waits for him to answer the door. She can't shake the memories of their time together, the late-night conversations, the talks about their hopes and dreams, and the unspoken connection that has always been between them.  

As the door swings open, her breath catches in her throat. Changbin stands there, a look of surprise on his handsome face. Without a word, she threw her arms around him, holding him tightly as tears well up in her eyes.  

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier," she apologizes. "You've always been my voice of reason and your right. After last time, I should have learned from it." 

"Did something happen?" he asks, pulling away. He begins to look her over with worry. "Are you hurt?" 

The look in his eyes turns to one of relief when she shakes her head and looks back at him. 

"I love you," she declares without hesitation. "I love you more than anything." 

Tears of joy stream down Y/N's face as she holds onto him tightly. “There will be no more putting my life at risk,” her says, her voice muffled by the fabric of his shirt. “I promise.” 

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[oleworm]

Did anyone else get the impression that Lisa might have thought Randy was on drugs? He shows up at her workplace several years after they broke up, looking unkempt and wearing clothes that are too big for him and not his style. And there’s a weird older guy hanging around him that he looks more than a little scared of.

Her body language shows that she’s uncomfortable, but I don’t think it means that she’s mad at Randy or that she resents him for something that happened back when they were kids. When she asks him what’s going on and he starts talking about their breakup she looks surprised, like, seriously? Is that what it’s all about? She might have been upset at the time, but she’s moved on in a way that foreshadows the situation with Mrs Beard. Randy might have caused others pain, but their lives didn’t stop because of it. They were able to move on in a way that he didn’t permit himself to.

It’s clear to me that Lisa does care for Randy, or she wouldn’t act the way she does. She humours him and answers his questions, even though she doesn’t owe him anything. And really, imagine your ex from five years ago showing up at work. Would you be so nice? And later, after they’ve discussed their relationship, she’s serious when she expresses her concern. He doesn’t look like himself, and she doesn’t understand him—Benson, a constant and threatening presence in this scene, who intervenes as soon as he sees Randy and Lisa laughing.

Randy needs help. Though perhaps it isn’t the safest moment to mention it—she can tell that she’s in the middle of an awful thing, though not exactly what.

Lisa works with children. She would be sensitive to how people feel without them having to put it into words. She notices that he’s walking on eggshells around Benson. I imagine that she would assume that Randy was in an abusive situation, or that he was doing drugs with this guy. It happens often that a person who is abusing substances isolates themselves, and then for whatever reason starts hitting up people from their past. To reminisce, to ask about what went wrong, especially if they knew each other before things went bad. And here comes Randy out of nowhere, with a haunted look in his eyes. It’s funny that in an earlier scene Benson gives Randy the abusive boyfriend speech, “I don’t want to hurt you, but you forced me to”—I paraphrase—when, in the short time that we see them, he also isolates Randy, but in a manner that does not really fit the conventions of the hostage thriller but more of a realist relationship drama. He separates him from someone who could have been a friend, who after such a long time seems to be looking out for him. He tells Randy how bad Lisa is, and that he is too good for her. He wants to capture Randy’s attention—after all, it is his last day on earth, if consequences follow his actions—and he has dedicated it to “fixing” Randy. It’s interesting how his personal hangups get in the way of his stated intentions—wouldn’t Randy do better in life, if he knew there were people on his side? But Benson projects his past self onto Randy, and number one, it doesn’t seem that he ever got much support from anyone, and number two, as much as believes he wants to help—and I believe he fully does—it fills him with jealousy and rage to see that Randy has what he has not. Love, care, a chance to be.