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badwithten · 2 years ago

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A Burnt Sacrifice | Hyunjin

PAIRING Guardian Angel!Hyunjin x fem!reader

GENRE angst, guardian angel au

WORD COUNT 12.5k

SYNOPSIS Hyunjin was built for the purpose of caring for Y/N, her guardian angel. And after serving her for almost 25 years, he can no longer stay as a background character in her life. Despite being an angel, he will sin if it means he gets a chance to be by her side.

FEATURING Mark, Han + Beomgyu

WARNINGS hyunjin is kinda obsessive over y/n but he justifies it as being her guardian angel, swearing, use of dating apps + cringey awkward dates, hyunjin watched y/n grow up so its kinda weird but he’s only as old as y/n yet he never ages, burns, self harm (y/n picks at her blister), description of injuries, blood, only light religious themes despite the theme, mentions of poverty, descriptions of anxiety

BASED OFF of ‘Cherry’ by Harry Styles

COLLAB part of @hvcmixtape ‘heart to heart’ valentines day collab

TAGLIST @isearchedtheyooniverse @oddfeeeling @itslovelylilly @rgbsona

Two were born on the day of your birth. Y/N L/N and Hyunjin Hwan. To call them twins would not be appropriate for this story, for they were not connected by blood. Nor was he birthed by any woman. For Hwang Hyunjin was created, sculpted by God themself. This wasn't a metaphor for his beauty, As his soul was quite literally pieced together one by one by the heavens. Y/N’s mother had an angel of her own, as did every human on Earth. While in the womb, her angel watched over both Y/N and her mum, allowing those above to create the perfect match for Y/N. Someone designed to protect, care and love her.

This is the story of Hyunjins journey to protect, care and love Y/N. He was created for that very purpose. He was Y/N's guardian angel. Everything he did was for her, his every thought, want and need was her. Both their hearts were bound by the stars, fused together for eternity. He was created at Y/N's birth and would be destroyed at her death. Even in the afterlife, he would be there for her. Although she was to never know him, his time was spent away from his physical form where she couldn't see. Watching her from another dimension where the rules of Earth didn’t apply. But no matter where he was, the rules of heaven still applied. And despite his heart wanting more, he shouldn’t overstep those heavenly rules. He was a lover, destined to love Y/N for his everlasting life.

This is the story of Y/N's life, the girl who was to be protected, cared and loved for by the heavens. Born to a single mother and raised fairly. Y/N never had an interest in relationships, no desire to have a romantic partner. Her values lay elsewhere. Her family, education and job are more important than any lover could be. Or so she once thought. For loneliness begins to hurt after a while and thoughts begin to wander. Despite not believing in the heavens, she was sure some cosmic power must be against her in life. She was loveless, destined by the heavens to be alone for the rest of her mortal life.

Here is the story of love. Love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight.

Pryham. A town big enough to have two high schools competing against each other for scholarships. Small enough for that scholarship to be for students coming from a poor area. Big enough to have a lake named after the region it's in, the biggest lake in its area. Small enough for that lake to still be run by the natives of the land, a grumpy old man guarded the burnt-down lakehouse to make sure no one vandalised it further. Big enough for three major supermarkets to all be within walking distance of each other. Yet all three were small enough that they were managed by young adults who had not long left the same high school you attend now. It was a big enough town that the main street was filled with every large fast-food chain you could think of. Mcdonalds, KFC, Subway, it was all there. Yet the life of the town was not abandoned, locals still ran their cafes and small market shops. Something that bought your home back into the small-town culture. It’s hard to imagine angels would watch over such a town.

Growing up in such a town had its advantages. It was a close-knit community that supported its locals. When your mother had you at a young age and was left to raise you herself, the support came. It was the only way you made it to where you were now. Nights, where you would’ve been cold and alone while she worked, were saved by your mother's young coworker volunteering to watch over you. When your growth spurts outgrew your mother's financial situation, strangers come to donate new clothes to you. Keeping you warm in the winters you’d otherwise freeze in. And for that you were grateful. Not only for the people of your town who reached out to help but for your mother who swallowed her pride and asked for help when others would’ve been too scared to.

Growing up in such a town also had its disadvantages. Kids more fortunate than you didn't see the world as you did. To them, they weren’t thinking of the kindness it took for someone to give you their outgrown shoes. Instead, it was a teasing competition due to the condition they had arrived in. You would be lying if you said it didn’t get to you, but you took after your mothers bravely. Ask for help when you need it and keep smiling.

The people of your town were content with how it was. No one was going to make a change to how it was. The bullying, the poverty, the addictions. If you asked anyone how it was, they would say it was the best town in the world. But you knew better than that. Most born in Pryham stayed in Pryham. Majority with only high school educations, working in either the local shops or become labourers, tradies or farmers. This wasn’t an insult, you knew without these people the world around you wouldn't function as it should. But you had a burning desire for something more. Something larger than life.

You knew for this desire to come true, hard work was needed. With that in mind, you put your head down and got to work when it came to high school. It was all a teenager had during this time in their lives. All their friends, all their work, all their purpose was high school. For some it was just to learn the basics, kill some time before then become an adult and get a full-time job as soon as they can. For others, it was more than that. For you, it was more than that. Without a good high school education, you would not make it for any scholarships and if you wanted to go to university, you needed funding or else you couldn’t afford it. High school wasn’t your entire life despite what it seemed like, it was only part of the plan for your happy future.

Wednesdays were your favourite day of the week. The perfect middle of weekdays as well as your school's late start days. An extra hour in the morning supposed to be used as a study period for senior students was actually just used as an hour to sleep in. Unlucky for those who arrived at school each morning on the bus. For them, it was either wake up at the regular time or miss the bus and walk to school. Han Jisung was one of those unlucky few. Han was also part of those few who wanted something larger than life. At first glance, he was your regular high school student. Loud and funny, the class clown of your graduating class. His behaviour was often scolded by teachers yet he never could get in too much trouble with grades as good as his.

Han Jisung was lucky enough to be friends with someone like you, who was gonna wake up at seven AM regardless of your school's start time. He was never gonna do that extra study and you were never gonna find a break otherwise. Breakfast and coffee allowed you two to remain friends despite how hectic high school had become in your last year.

Part of the charm of living in a town like the one you called home was that the best coffee came from the local movie theatre. Five minutes down the road from your school and a student discount for some of the best coffee in town? Yes, please! But there was another reason that irked your stomach, another reason you were so persistent in going there each week. Sam.

You were so intrigued by this unknown man. He was older than the two of you, in his early twenties unless he was older and aged unbelievably well. With his long black hair and pretty face, it would be difficult for anyone to believe that the reason you were so intrigued by the man wasn’t because of his good looks. But it wasn’t a crush. Maybe it was, you had never experienced love before, thus you wouldn't know what it felt like. But the way it was described wasn't anything you felt. You weren’t excited to see him, nor were you nervous when he was around. No increased heartbeat, no romantic thoughts of wanting to be with him, no heated cheeks when he spoke to you. None of that. But it was a fascination.

That first day you met him you were instantly attracted to him. He laughed as you stuttered over your order, so effortlessly easy to be around, you didn't feel embarrassed. Your attraction wasn’t romantic, it was a longing for an old friend. A sibling you had fallen out of touch with. Anyone you had once known and then lost. But who was he? When you bought him up with your mother his description was unfamiliar.

The next time he served you and Han, you asked for his name. At that, he laughed and smiled. Sam was his answer. When you asked if it was short for Samual he didn’t give you an answer. You thanked him and left to join Han at your usual table. Becoming a regular customer wasn’t enough, each time he asked about your day you would give him some information about your life. When you asked back, he said nothing, keeping his life a secret from you. With his first name and face in mind, you desperately searched for him online.

But you found nothing again. No Facebook page, no Instagram. Sam remained a mystery.

“How was I?” Han is out of breath, his white shirt untucked and messy compared to how presentable he looked only moments ago on stage.

“Great, you were great” Your arms wrapped around his body, pulling him in for a hug. Your heart swelled with pride anytime Han took his place on stage during school assemblies. His anxiety often got the best of him, yet he still managed to secure a place within the student council. Once considered the naughty kid, he was able to clean up enough to get the position. One he deserved.

It felt like only the two of you existed as you stood outside the hall, swarms of students piling out eager to go home. But the two of you just stood, holding each other. Although he tried to pull away, you only held on tighter. Your fingers dug into the fabric of his shirt, begging him not to leave. Han didn’t mind, he matched your desperation with a hand on the back of your head, holding him to him. With the last week of school coming up, he knew soon both of you would have changing schedules.

You held him close. Your best friend, one of the only friends you had during this time. Han overwhelmed your senses. His cologne clogging your nose, shirt ripping through the skin on your fingers. All you could do is push your face into him harder, hoping to ground yourself into the solidness of his torso. It was all too much and not enough at the same time. Soon you would be leaving Han, and soon you would miss every part of him that would be overwhelming.

“Y/N?” His voice was soft, full of concern and lacking his normal enthusiasm. And it broke you. Hearing his voice tipped the tears you tried to hold back out and over your eyes. Spilling onto his white shirt and staining his skin forever. “Y/N what’s wrong?”

Once again he tried to pull you away, but you only held on tighter. Shaking your head no. He no longer held onto you, arms hovering awkwardly over his sides and he waited for you to be done. And when you finally pulled away he was more lost than ever.

“I got in Han” You watched as he processed your words. Soon the confusion was replaced by a smile, bigger than any you had seen him wear. Excitement took over him and he pulled you into a crushing hug. “I got into Britechester”

“Y/N Britechester? That’s great!” Each time he pulled away it was only for a second, he couldn't keep you away. Until it all finally clicked in his head, he clicked why you were crying. “Britechester, Y/N, that’s an eight-hour drive from here”

“I know!” You felt the tears form again, the overwhelming anxiety it brought you was something you tried to hide, but it was hard to hide anything from Han. “I hate to be so far away from mum and from you but I have to”

“No, you don’t” His head was shaking in disbelief, he now only held you by your hands. With a grip so tight that he was afraid that if he let go you’d leave right there and then. “You can’t go”

“I’m sorry?” His lack of support was lost on you. You had never doubted your decisions before but Han may be the first to change your view on it all.

“You can’t go Y/N, it’s not fair!” Anger arose in him alongside the first tear that split from his red eyes. He was looking at you, only past your eyes trying to search for some part of you that wasn’t committed to moving away. But you had already made up your mind.

“What are you talking about? I have to go, it's my dream university” You pull your hands away for him, not wanting to be touched by someone talking to you so poorly as if your opinion doesn't matter. “You knew this was a possibility Han, you’ve been with me for five years while I was making this happen”

“But this? I- I-” The words were lost on him. His hands rubbed the tears into his skin as he tried to calm down. Tried to make some sense of his world that was falling apart. “You just can’t, it’s not how things are meant to be”

“I thought you would be happy for me” As much as it hurts you to see him upset, what hurts, even more, is his unsupportive nature towards your situation. Something you worked so hard on and he is treating it as if it's his own. You reach to him and pull his hand away from his face. “Han please talk to me-”

“No!” Han was loud, it was in his nature. But he wasn’t an angry person. The loudness of his voice today came from anger. It froze you from the inside out, you watched with tears as he looked at you with the most fury you’d ever seen in him. “If you leave Y/N, I swear to god I will-”

“You’ll what Han? Stop being my friend?” You spit back at him, tears falling over the form of your lips and melting away any regretful words that may leave them. “It’s too late for that isn’t it?”

You pulled your bag on tighter and leave him standing alone, his fists clenched at his sides. Han never opened up to you much and you had just learnt why. With no control over his emotions, it was easy for him to be over the top. Moving away wasn’t going to be easy for you, but with one last friend to say goodbye to it made it that little bit lighter.

The first Wednesday without Han in it was strange. The bandage that held you two together had been ripped off and you were feeling the air on your skin for the first time in five years. And it wasn’t a pleasant experience. Yet you were determined to prove you could do this alone. So your usual stayed the same apart from the absence of your friend. Sam had become your usual, greeting you with a smile as you entered the small theatre.

“A large latte with almond milk and vanilla, extra hot?” He knew your order before you could speak it. Already reaching out with the stamp for your loyalty card.

“Please” You smiled, something genuine, something that wasn’t a crush. It was more than that. A deeper connection that you still didn't know where from.

“Where’s Han?” Although you were his regular, so was Han, something about that made your connection a little less special.

“He’s sick today” You didn’t look up from the EFTPOS machine, hoping he would buy your lie.

“I’ve got you all to myself then” He winked, something playful in his eyes. You only roll your eyes, not letting that smile that so badly wants to emerge show itself on your face. Instead, you take your seat, waiting for him to bring over your order.

After a few minutes have passed he brings over the latte he's carefully made for you, a heart appearing in the foam layer on top. Before you get a chance to make a comment he whisks away to serve another customer. Sam would be the death of you. Ignoring his flirting you're able to bring out your laptop and catch up on some work. School once again takes up any kind of social life you may have.

Finishing up your drink before school starts and mouthing the words thank you to Sam as he helps an older lady understand the card machine. You had only walked a couple hundred feet to where you needed to cross the road towards your school and you swore you had checked both ways. You swore that you saw that no cars were coming. But before you can take you could step away from the path and onto the road. A hand tugs at your collar, pulling you back with a mash-up of feet.

The force on your neck isn't what shocks you the most, it's the car flying past your face. Horn blaring as to blame you for their speeding. When you turn to see your saviour it's Sam. His eyes wide in panic. It's almost disturbing how fast your heart is beating. A near-death experience, that was something new to your life. Something that you first experienced with Sam. Was this the connection you felt with him? Did you know that one day he would be saving your life?

You couldn't calm yourself to think enough. After a few moments of standing, just staring at each other, you notice the tears on your face. The panic got to you. You reach up and wipe them, allowing Sam the opportunity to step away from you, heading back to the store after simply nodding at you.

“Sam?” You call out, still shaking as you stand near the road that was almost your grave only seconds earlier. As much as the panic of the event was still high in your mind, what stood out more was how fast he got to you. Only moments earlier he was inside the theatre building, talking to a customer who wouldn't be done ordering that fast. “How did that happen?”

“You were on your phone” He speaks nonchalantly, his usual charm gone. He sounds disappointed about how careless you were with your own safety. “You didn’t look before crossing”

“But how were you there?” Your voice was desperate for an answer, mind trying to make sense of his speed, or whatever force allowed him to save you.

“A ‘thank you’ would be nice” He turns back to the building, heading away from you once more

“Sam?” He stops at your voice but doesn’t look at you til he hears your next words. “Thank you”

Once you meet his eyes again, both of you feel a change. Your connection with him no longer feels like a weird obsession, you owe your life to him but he knows you're grateful. His eyes shift, knowing that you have found something true in him for the first time. Something about him is for the greater good rather than just a polite barista.

For him, this was love at first sight.

02/02/2022

Thoughts of Sam left your mind not long after high school, you no longer were in town every Wednesday to visit him. Instead, you were at university, studying even harder towards your law degree than you did towards your scholarships in college. The absence of love or any type of romance was something you were teased for in college, at university you were desperate to change that. And while school was still your number one, you had four years of it. You didn’t know if you could take four more years of nothing. Of being empty.

But with every lover, if you could even call them that, came hurt. It seemed no matter how hard you tried, how pretty you made yourself look, how well any first date went. Your relationship with that person would crash and burn. It became a vicious cycle of opening up only to be crushed. At some point, you were convinced you had gone to hell and this was your punishment. It was a dumb mistake made by your heart. You knew it was never to be successful, yet each time you had hope. But every time you were ghosted or just told the “it’s not you, it’s me” story, your heart smashed up a little more. Scattering so far away you were not sure if the next person you allowed in your life would be able to find it. The biggest worry was getting it so lost that you’d never be able to love yourself.

So you pushed it down for the most part. Half of your university you spent with open arms, trying your hardest to find love. And each time you failed. So for the last two years, you put your head down and focused on graduating. After endless hours of study and internships, finally came your career as a family lawyer in one of the most established law firms in your city. But now that you were a lawyer of your own, it was time that you hosted an intern. Like you did many years ago, someone who was fresh out of university with a law degree would come to work alongside you. And today was your lucky day to meet the new intern.

You hadn’t thought much about it. Although they would be working alongside you, they were their own employee and you weren’t their employer. That wasn't something you had to worry about. What you did need to worry about was keeping them up to date in cases, making sure they handled files correctly and teaching them the computer system used in your firm. It felt more like a chore than anything, guilt comes back to haunt you as you remember how useless you were when you first started. Pushing it to the back of your mind, you smooth out your shirt and head to the front room to greet the new intern at Hamlin, Hamlin & McGill.

You wouldn't describe yourself as the nervous type. Even in moments like job interviews, first dates and meeting the new young person who you would train and have an impact on for the rest of their life, you weren’t nervous. You knew your value, holding yourself high in the workplace. So you weren’t worried about giving any bad advice to new students. You got where you were today with hard work and dedication. With high confidence, you stepped out of the elevator that separated your office floor from the ground level. And there was the intern.

Your heart stopped beating for longer than you thought would be possible. His shirt and jacket were way too big for his lanky frame, they hung off of him. A thin black tie that would soon be covered by the blue lanyard you held for him. Despite being the first day of a new job for him, he stood just as nonchalantly as you were just a moment ago, he wasn’t nervous either. Even as recognition flashed through his eyes, his manner did not change. In fact, his smile grew larger. You weren’t a nervous person, but seeing Sam after so many years definitely was enough to shake you up.

The receptionist laughed at the awkward tension you had just created in the room, calling you to meet Sam at the front desk rather than stand and stare from the elevator. You clear your throat, begging the confidence you had this morning to come back.

“Y/N this is Hwang Hyunjin” She gestures from you to him. “And Hyunjin, this is Y/N L/N” And then from him to you.

“Nice to meet you Miss L/N” He puts his hand out for you to take, and you slowly accept, confusion still strong in your system. Why was he pretending this was your first time meeting?

“Hyunjin?”

“That's me” He laughs that awful laugh that you remember from years ago. This would be the longest internship of your life.

His desk sat outside of your office, along with the other cubicles. You're lucky to have your privacy but you knew you couldn’t avoid him forever. And the truth was you didn’t want to avoid him, he was once someone you enjoyed spending time with. But rekindling that seemed too much for you. You weren’t sure if you were ready for your hands to burn again. Yet you were powerless. This situation was out of your control, it didn't matter if you weren't ready for him, work meant you had to be. As much as you dreaded your upcoming interactions with your long-lost friend, you weren’t the same person you were years ago. You were no longer leaving texts unanswered just to do extra hours. Instead, you valued your time. You learnt when to take a break, but you also learnt when to prioritise work. And Hyunjin, your coworker, needed to be prioritised over your friend Hyunjin. It seemed he didn't feel the same, instantly knocking on your office door as soon as you settled in the safety of your desk chair.

“Come in” Your chest rose with your words yet your eyes stayed down. Empty words being typed to avoid any eye contact with the tall man in your door frame. He didn’t wait for any more cues, sitting with his legs tightly together in the chair across from yours. Defeated, you let out a breath of air and finally meet his dark eyes. “So Hyunjin”

“Yup” He popped his lips together, watching with some sick amusement as you come to terms with what was happening. “I’m Hyunjin”

You held eye contact for a moment longer, before your eyes darted to the shut door. You could drop the professionalism for just a moment. “What are you doing here?”

“Just wanted to say hello?” His lips curled upwards, watching your every move without a break. “You know, since I'm new here”

“No, I understand that” Your hands couldn't sit still, fidgeting with a pen tightly. “Not why are you here in this place, why are you in the city?”

“Same reason you're here I guess” No matter where you looked, you couldn’t escape his eyes. They were a dark pit, constantly bringing you in. Although his nature didn't reflect this, your memories of him don’t contain that part of him. “I needed to get out, see the country a bit. Get a real job”

“Okay” It wasn’t the answer you wanted, but you knew it was all you were getting. Your posture dropped as you got familiar with his voice once again. “What about your name? What happened to Sam?”

“Sams my English name. Hyunjin is my birth name, my Korean name”

“Why Sam?” While you felt your emotions change with each word spoken, stomach flipping at each sentence that came out of Hyunjins mouth. Hyunjin was unchanging. Stoic as he sat there, eyes boring into you.

“I was new to town so I thought having an English name would make it easier for me to fit in” But in that sentence, you see him drop a little, and for the first time, sadness flies over his eyes. “But that doesn't bother me anymore. So it's Hyunijn again”

“I’m glad”

“Me too” With a smile, he comes back to his original state. “Any work for me today?”

“Uhh just learn the system today, you know? Learn the office, say hi to some people and I’ll have something for you tomorrow” Since the start of the conversation, you jump back into reality. This wasn't Sam at the cafe you were catching up with. This was Hyunjin at work in which you were his boss. With your head clear again, your eyes go back to the many emails on your screen that are needing to be replied to.

“Well if you need me, I'll be here” Hyujin pulls himself out of the chair, long legs making his steps to the door faster than usual. Before he leaves, his eyes find yours once again, this time, there's hope within. “And you should call me sometime, tonight maybe. I’d like to catch up if that's ok with you.”

“Goodbye Hyunjin” You ignore his question, boss Y/N coming out once again.

“Bye Y/N” He smiles and with a few taps of your doorframe, he steps out. “Nice office”

Working with Hyunjin wasn’t as difficult as you imagined it would be. It was strange, you had imagined it would be like working with an ex-partner. The thick tension in the air of unresolved conflict. Rumours being spread on each side of the breakup. It wasn’t something you were looking forward to. But with Hyunjin, it was true to what your relationship was, old friends catching up. It wasn’t awkward and there were no unresolved topics to bring up, in fact, there were barely any memories to speak of when making small talk. More and more you’ve come to realise that your connection to Hyunjin was one-sided. In your head, you knew this man very closely in high school, but in reality, you weren’t even friends. He was nice to you because it was his job. And now it was your time to show some professional courtesy.

Yet since he started last week, that feeling you once had about him came back. If deja vu was personified, it was him. He was that bad dream you couldn't shake. Every part of him felt like a memory of a stranger. His smell, his voice, even the darkness of his eyes. They were all so familiar. It was as if he was a reminder you’d left to yourself. But what were you trying to remember?

These feelings should have felt more real, more justified. Unlike your teenage years, you did know Hyunjin. This was someone who left your life and then came back. But they were still too unfamiliar for your liking. Even as you sat in your break room and watched him make his coffee, something you knew all too well, it was still off. Your staring didn’t go unnoticed, soon his dark eyes were staring back with a smile. You tried to play it off, look in the other direction and finish eating from the plastic utensil in your mouth. But Hyunjin didn’t take the hint, or maybe he purposely chose to ignore it, as soon he was heading towards your table, sitting down with his hot mug of coffee.

“Can I help you?” The smugness in his voice made you sick, acting as if this was normal. Him being here wasn’t normal. You could feel it although the feeling was indescribable to anyone else. Why wasn’t it normal? You couldn't tell.

“What?” Playing dumb wasn’t the smartest choice when you’d been caught, but he was overwhelming your senses. He always did. Too good to be near you.

“Nevermind” His smile disappeared in his coffee, his eyes turning back to the room as he absentmindedly drank his coffee. Despite already being caught once staring, you couldn't keep your eyes off his face.

It was a comfortable routine you had found yourself in. During work hours, you’d help him where you could, show him how to do his job without you one day. It was playful, you had a reason to talk to him. But as soon as lunch hit, it was gone, and you had no reason to speak to him. And you barely could. This didn't seem to bother Hyunjin. He could speak for hours without another person replying. If he was passionate about something, it was all that was on his mind.

“I haven’t been back to the studio in a long time though, works been keeping me busy” The last of his drink disappears with a gulp and a sigh. Without waiting for a reply, he starts again. “You’re my boss, right? Want to give me some time off so I can go again?”

“I can’t do that Hyunjin” Your voice trails off, focusing more on the messages popping up on your phone.

“No fun Y/N, no fun” His hands rest against this table, leaning up and over his arms to look at your phone. “Who's that?”

“Hyunjin!” You quickly turn off your phone, the invasion of privacy upsetting you more than he expected. Quickly he backed away, taking his seat in the uncomfortable silence he created. Even he couldn’t talk his way out of it. It becomes too much so you stand, wanting to spend the rest of your lunch alone.

“Y/N wait-” He stands with you, not loud enough to draw any attention to himself. He was always good at that. Enough but never too much, but right now he was overwhelming you.

“I’ll be in my office” You speak to him once again as a stranger, nothing more than your intern. “You know what you need to get done for today?”

He sits himself back down, silently nodding at your words before you leave him once again.

04/04/2022

You hated running late, you knew how annoying it was to wait for someone to arrive when you had plans and being the one waited on was dreadful. Your mother had put it into your brain so many times, ‘Early is on time, on time is late and late is unacceptable’. You were just hoping your date was more forgiving than your mother. His name was Mark and from his photos, he was pretty darn cute. It had been too long since you got excited over a date. Usually, the talking went fine, you were excited at the time you had planned the date but meeting up always made you regret your choices. But as long as you kept your mouth shut and laughed at their jokes, you could at least get a free drink.

Not with Mark though. You had been chatting with him longer than you normally would before a date, even through your messages he made you laugh. Even if he wasn’t the one, even if you only got a friendship out of this, you wouldn’t be mad. He seemed like a nice person and you were excited to find more nice in your life. Despite being almost twenty minutes late from your meet time, you hold your head high and walk into the small town diner. The door rings with the bell above the entrance, most people here are too concentrated elsewhere to look your way. The cashier rang up an elderly man. Students head first into their laptops. A family with screaming kids. This place wasn’t fancy, it wasn’t somewhere you would take someone for a first date. This was boyfriend-girlfriend date material when you wanted to split a milkshake and grab food before the movies. But the food was good and the casual pace was a nice change.

Despite being late, Mark's eyes still lit up seeing you walk in. His oversized bomber jacket was pulled around the front as he sat in the booth, hands in his pockets. He was quick to his feet as you made your way over, pulling off his beanie and stashing it away in the process. His black hair was a mess underneath but you couldn't say you looked much better. Your high-waisted dress pants and untucked blouse. All the running in hopes to get here in time had the wind burning your face. You were burning up with the sudden change of temperature, eyes dry from the cold wind outside.

“Y/N?” He double-checked before you got to give him a hug, a formality you would not usually do right away but he was offering and who were you to say no when arriving so late.

“Mark I’m so sorry” You were struggling to catch your breath, sitting with shaky legs. Your jacket and bag had been discarded on the set next to you. Mark watched silently as you poured yourself a glass of water. “I had to stay late and then I missed my usual bus” You spoke between mouthfuls. “Todays just be wild, I’m sorry I kept you waiting”

“It’s ok!” He insisted, smiling as he watched you calm down. Something about the chaos was comforting and familiar to him. He was sick of putting on an act in front of women who assumed they were better than him. Today seemed different for him. “You’re here now so that's all that matters, you know?”

It didn’t take long to destress from your hectic work day with Mark. Words flowed freely between the two of you. He laughed away all your work problems while you laughed at his cheesy jokes. Soon you were settled in at a nice pace of conversation, waiting for the young waiter to bring your food over. First arrived Mark's burger and fries, he waited patiently for your food to arrive before he started eating. Then you watched him return with a large bowel sat upon a plate.

“You know, I’ve never seen someone order soup on a first date” He gave you a mischievous smile, a sign that he wasn’t actually judging. It was a comfort to be around someone who communicated so easily through their body. As a lawyer, it was easy to see when someone was lying with their body language. But not Mark.

“Nothing better than soup on a cold day!” Finally, he arrived at your table, plate in one hand as he placed down your food. The young man watched as you reached for your bowl, watched as you offered to take it from him, thanking him as he had done so much for you. But he watched silently, he didn’t say a word about the temperature of the bowl. “Oh fuck!”

As soon as your hands touched the ceramic your fingers went up in flames. Although not literally, you could feel the fire course through your body. Your hands flew up and away from the bowl, desperately escaping from the heat that had burned you. In doing so it's your turn to watch silently, watching as the dish leaves the waiter's hand and lands on the table. Not only does the scorching hot liquid drip onto your lap, but you also watch as it drips onto Mark's side as well. He jumps up with a yelp, his legs burning. You stay put, eyes shut. At least you have the pain to focus on. Anything other than the embarrassment you feel build up in your chest. You’ll take the fire over the looks of pity from other customers. The blisters over dealing with your date who you had just spilled soup on,

“I’m so sorry” The young waiter was just as embarrassed, panicking at what your reaction would be. But he didn’t stay long enough to see it. “I’ll get you something to clean up right away”

Shut. Your eyes stayed shut. For as long as you kept them close, the longer this wasn’t real. But it came creeping up faster than you could handle, and soon a sob left your mouth. Your body shakes as you begin to cry. The tears had to fight their way out as you kept your eyes firmly shut.

“Y/N?” Finally opening your eyes, you saw how bright and wide Marks had become. Standing by your side, mouth slightly agar. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah” Your voice was the quietest it had felt in a long time. You watched as the young waiter rushed back, damp cloth in hand.

“Oh sorry” Mark stepped out of the way, allowing the waiter to aid you in your cleaning. “I’m gonna, you know, head to the bathroom”

You nodded, the nervousness in his voice a clear sign he wasn’t returning but you didn’t want him to. Embarrassment consumed you and you were reminded why you didn’t date.

The peace that naturally came with Hyunjin was appreciated more than ever after your date last night. The pressure of work sent away as he walked past your office, smiling and waving at you despite his late arrival. It gave you a laugh, a small break from the pending work in front of you. But moving your hand in the wrong direction had you wincing, the paper folder rubbed against the raw blisters on your palm. A painful memory of the embarrassment you endured. You allowed yourself a moment, sitting with the pain, living with it.

A knock at your door brings you away from your thoughts, Hyunjins head poking through the door. “Is this a bad time?”

“No, come in” You gesture to the seat across from you, pulling your hand away and into your lap to try to soothe the ache of it away. “What can I do for you Hyunjin?”

“I just need to speak to you about the Kettleman case, is that ok?” Every time he spoke, each word was so perfectly chosen. Delicately leaving his mouth and waiting to see your reaction before he spoke again. “He wants to meet with you again, something about the deal you offered him. I told him he could speak to me about it before setting up a meeting but he was pretty insistent on seeing you”

As he spoke your ears rang, and you couldn’t resist the temptation to press into the blister forming on your hand. But the pain was too distracting and you could barely focus on his words. “Overall he was really difficult, I told him I’ll call him back, or have you call him back to sort out a meeting time with him. So when would it work for you?”

Finally taking a breath and opening your eyes, you looked at him as he waited for your reply. “Which one was the Kettleman case again?”

“Y/N are you ok?” You were off your game today, upset over your failed date and hurting from the now-open blister on your hand. Everything was out of your thoughts.

“Please just remind me” He licks his lips nervously, unsure what to make of your behaviour. Regardless, he follows your words.

“Mr Kettleman is, well was, our state treasurer. But he’s been accused of embezzling $1.6 million of government funds” As he speaks, he searches through the manilla folder on his lap. Eventually, he settles on a single piece of paper and holds it for you to grab.

“Ah the Kettlemans” You reach for the paper, not thinking about the burn on your hand. But quickly it comes back to the front of your mind and you flinch at the contact. Unluckily for you, it doesn’t go unnoticed by Hyunjin.

“Your hand? What happened?” He quickly stands, making his way to your side of the desk. Without thinking he takes your hand in his own, but he doesn't get a good look before you snatch it away.

“Hyunjin, please. This is not appropriate and while I appreciate your concern I am ok” He looks down at you blankly, ignoring your anger.

“Can you drop it?”

“Excuse me?”

“The whole boss act! I’m sick of you pretending you don’t care about me or even that you don’t know me” Hands on his hips, he steps away to empathise with his words. “I know it's strange that I work for you now, but you can’t just pretend that we're strangers”

You clench your teeth, remaining silent. He hasn't convinced you but you weren't fighting to get him to.

“Please just let me see your hand. I’m your friend and I care about you ok?” You stay put and he takes this as an ok to try and see your hand again. You don’t stop him. “Ouch, how’d this happen?”

“I don’t want to talk about it” If he was to treat you like a child, you weren't going to have an adult conversation with him.

“Alright let me get something for this” He rubs over the back of your hand before leaving it to rest on your desk. Once he returns he brings over your spare chair. “This is going to hurt a little, ok?”

His long fingers tickle the surface of your skin, a white cream being rubbed into your wound. Your heart stops at the intimacy of the situation. One hand holds onto you steady, the other circling the skin of your palm. Skin to skin, touching your open wound but only to heal, not to hurt. Satisfied, he pulls away before covering it up with a plain bandaid and finally meeting your glossy eyes.

“Thank you Hyunjin”

07/07/2022

After the disaster that was your date with Mark, you had high hopes for how tonight would go. It literally could not get any worse. And it already was going better. Work didn’t keep you late, Hyunjin even walked you to your car. You felt comfortable with him once more. Still distant as you were in your younger years but with that same connection, this time you knew he felt it as well.

Without being late, you had time to put yourself together. Make yourself feel real again after spending all day in corporate hell. You weren’t dressing to impress, the date was still casual but anything was better than your tight slacks and buttoned shirt. There was once a piece of work you couldn’t shake off your mind.

It always was the little things with Hyunjin. Back in high school, it was making your order before you got there. It was taking time to help elderly customers who couldn't read the menu. Saving your life. And just like then, it was the little things now at work that had him sticking in your mind. He remembered your coffee orders despite him not making it for years. Clients would always tell you about the polite young man who greeted them on the phone. You were just hoping he wouldn’t need to save you again. The debt you already held to him could never be repaid and it weighed down your soul.

A text was sent to Beomgyu letting him know that you were on your way before you exited your place. The bar where you were meeting wasn’t far from your house, barely a ten-minute walk, but you wanted the time to think. Need the time to be early to ensure your mistakes aren't repeated. It wasn't long before you arrived, had your ID checked and sat waiting for the brown-haired boy to arrive.

Yet seven o’clock came and went. You had triple-checked that your message went through, yet no reply. Nothing saying ‘omw!’ or ‘sorry I might be running late tonight” (although you had forgotten to give that same curiosity to Mark). So you sat and waited because you had been Beomgyu in this situation. Yet tonight you needed to be the Mark that waited.

Seven thirty arrived, the barkeep asked if he could get you a drink and you felt as if that may be the only interaction with a human that you get tonight. Another message sent was another message left unanswered. The anxiety you swore up and down to your therapist that you didn’t feel started creeping back into your life. A mixture of guilt and betrayal. Guilt for the night you left Mark waiting, only to waste his time further. Guilt for when you left Han for college. While guilt was something you were too familiar with. Betrayal was something new. You were now in the position of the hurt. The one who was allowed to be upset. But you weren’t upset at Beomgyu, instead upset at yourself for all the times you had betrayed the ones around you.

One more time you would check your phone, and if you still had no response then that was it. Your heart was still held high before you saw no notifications on your screen. And then it came crashing into your guilt, a new wave of anxiety washing over you, a tear to match. You were quick to wipe it away, mind trying to focus on anything but the ache that you were experiencing. With one hand tightly around your phone and the other swirling the ice in your glass, you found yourself staring down at the boy's profile. Analysing every photo, every aspect of his life that he shared online. Were you not good enough for him? Did he think that little of you that he forgot?

You watched his profile update in real-time, a new photo on his tag displayed him out at dinner with a group of his friends. Stood up. You had been stood up. Your entire life you thought that was just something that happened in movies. Some way to break the protagonist down just so their friend, the real love interest of the story, can bring them back up. But there was no love interest in your story. All you had was a dating app full of men not willing to take that chance with you. And there was nothing you could do about it.

You watched the ice melt with every round it made in the glass, your finger became numb to the sensation although you knew there would be a mark from where it rested on the rim of the cup. There was nothing to hold you steady, the only sensation to ground you was beginning to melt away at your own doing. Your own fingertips wore it down and soon you’d be alone again.

09/09/2022

“Thank you for your time today” You pressed your lips together, cringing at the fake voice you put on anytime you were on the phone. After years of working with clients, you were hoping you would have gotten used to it. But you continued to dread each phone call you had to make. “I’ll have someone get back to you shortly”

Finally ending the call allowed you a breather. Hands resting against your forehead for just a moment before you move on to the next thing. And the next thing always seemed to be Hyunjin. His rapid knocking on the door became a sound you were all too familiar with.

“One second” You called out to him, face still hidden. He didn’t listen to your request, quickly entering your office with confidence. Soon recoiling when he saw your position. “Or not”

With a sigh you pull yourself up, washing away any grief you were feeling and becoming workplace Y/N once more. “What can I help you with Hyunjin?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt” He seemed genuinely remorseful, trying to back out of the awkward situation he had created. “I can go”

“Just stay, tell me what you want” The ringing of his hands made you realise this may not be work-related, was something wrong with Hyunjin?

“It’s not important, I’ll come back” He gave a polite smile and turned back to the door to leave.

“Please wait” You stood, leaning across the table to speak to him. “You can talk to me it’s ok”

“I know” He smiled sadly, chewing on his lip. “Later?”

You gave it up, dropping back to your seat defeated. Hyunjin left you alone. That seemed to be a theme with you recently. You had never cried at work. But the warmth they provided down your face brought you some comfort.

The phone from your drawer buzzed. Although you would have scolded Hyunjin for using his phone during work hours, you couldn't resist the distraction from your overwhelming emotions.

Han Jisung added you as a friend!

Han Jisung sent you a message!

Never in your wildest dreams had you imagined that you would repair your relationship with Han. After you left Pryham he hasn't spoken to you. Despite the awful day you left him off on, he organised with your mum to give you a hug before you left. Not a word was spoken. But that tight hug was your goodbyes. And that was the last you saw of Han Jisung.

Neither of you reached out while you were away at university. You had no idea if he moved out of town or even moved out of his parent's home. You didn’t care to know. For years you lived peacefully without Han, an idea that once seemed painful to even think about. But here you were, sitting across from him at a lively cafe laughing harder than you had in years.

But there were only so many old memories you could talk about, only so many years of catching up before silence filled the space between the two of you. An awkward sip of your drink and fidgeting with your hair before Han finally speaks.

“Y/N” He swallowed hard, looking at you briefly before staring back down at your hands. “I’m really sorry for everything”

He watched silently waiting for your reaction, but when you didn’t show anything other than the tears that began to form in your eyes he continued. “I didn’t understand what it meant when you were leaving, I just couldn’t understand why you would leave me in such a shit town”

“Is this why you messaged me? To say sorry?”

“Maybe?” He watched your face drop, hands reaching out to hold yours in a panic. “You were my closest friend, my only friend at some point and I want you to know that I am sorry”

Once again silence fills the air, your mouth is twisted, unsure of how to feel about all of this. The tears that rolled down your face weren’t tears of sadness, they weren't tears of anything. You were simply overwhelmed by Han once again. He takes the silence as a bad sign, struggling to put together his words.

“I just wanted to see you and talk to you, because I miss you so much, and I want you to know that I-” His head drops, and you watch as pain crosses his face. He grunts to bear with it, before looking back up at you and smiling, the tears you wear are now on his face as well. “I think I should go Y/N”

“What?” The both of you stand, Han to get away, and you to chase. With a nod, he collects his things and leaves. His steps are light, he almost floats away unaware of how his words have affected you. “Han wait”

You weren’t the most receptive to his feelings or words but you have never imagined he would have just left. You don’t want to run, it feels wrong to run after someone in the streets. But your steps are fast, trying to catch up with him through the crowd of people that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. You’d only been walking for a few minutes before you lost him. Your head spins as crowds of people swarm past you. Disorientated and out of breath, you feel yourself begin to panic.

A numbness overtakes your fingers, increasing with each beat of your racing heart. You can’t think, all you can feel is the burning of your lungs from your lack of air. You’d never felt so lost before, everyone has left you while simultaneously you're surrounded. It's both lonely and crushing. Just when you think you won’t be able to take another breath, a warm hand makes itself at home on your shoulder. The touch is grounding and you almost choke on the air you manage to gulp down.

You find the strength in the familiar dark eyes that seem to appear whenever you need them the most. “Y/N?”

“Hyunjin?”

In the safety of your apartment, you’re able to calm down enough to talk to Hyunjin. He insisted on walking you home which you needed, him staying to listen was something you wanted and he seemed more than happy to. He sat in the armchair across from you, elbows leaning against his knees as he listened intently.

“I don’t know what was wrong with Han” Your nose was still running, your nerves still on fire as you fiddled with the tissues you held onto. “I mean, you saw us at school right? We used to be best friends”

“People change Y/N, it’s been a long time since you saw him last” He spoke calmly, choosing each word with precision so as to not upset you further.

“Yeah but he reached out to me, you know? Why reach out to say sorry and then back out of the apology? Unless he was just trying to make himself feel better, maybe he didn’t mean it so when I didn't accept it right away he got upset” Your brain was running laps trying to put together the pieces of today.

“Can I ask what he was apologising for?”

“Nothing, it was dumb” You put the tissue down, reaching to rub your face. “I’m not upset over it anymore, I was gonna accept his apology. He just hadn't finished talking so I didn’t want to interrupt!”

“Why are you so upset then?” You pull your face away to look at him, his usual charm was there. But he felt so empty. You shake the thought away, trying to think of an answer that would please his overanalyzing brain.

“I’m lonely Hyunjin. Like really lonely” You laugh to hide the embarrassment of it all. People joke about being lonely, spending all their time watching Netflix instead of hanging out with their friends. But true loneliness was different. It was painful to experience and embarrassing to admit. “I’ve tried to go on dates but they never work out so I was excited to finally have a friend”

“I didn’t take you as the dating type”

“I’m not, I’ve been on a total of two dates this year and each one was comically bad”

“Do you care to share?”

“What are you, my therapist?”

“I didn’t take you as the therapy type either”

Sinking back into your couch with a sigh, you just shrug back at Hyunjin. “Maybe I’m just destined to be alone”

“Don’t think like that” His tone changed from concern to trying to cheer you, reaching out to give your knee a rub. “Whatever happened on those dates wasn’t on you, it just wasn’t the right guy”

“Maybe not” You weren’t in the mood to talk about your sad dating life much longer. But you felt bad being so defensive over your life, maybe this is why you were alone?

“You know that time I came to work with a burn on my hand?” You decide to humour him with a couple of stories. “That was from a date”

“That wasn’t on you though was it?” He smiles with you, allowing the change in tone. “That was on that waiter for not warning you about the hot plate”

“I guess” You laugh, thumb running over the small scar that sits on your palm from your date with Mark. But you stop and so does your heart. How did Hyunjin know that? He doesn't see anything wrong, continuing to enjoy your company even when neither of you are speaking. Your eyes dart from him to the door and you decide it's safe to ask. “How’d you know that?”

“Know what?”

“About the waiter? I didn’t tell you how I burnt my hand” You see his eyes shift in panic but his smile only grows. An uneasy combination that starts your panicking again. “Were you following me?”

“I think you’re mistaken, you told me the story you just hadn't said you were on a date at the time” You shake your head, trying to process how he knew. You remember that day so clearly, the feeling of his skin rubbing over the raw part of your hand burnt into your mind. He seems so calm but you can feel the tears starting in your eyes again.

“I did not tell you anything about it Hyunjin” You stand, trying to get away from him. “I know for a fact that I didn’t tell you, so how did you know?”

He stands but doesn’t move from his position in front of the chair, only watching silently as you back away from him. Each rise of your chest bought you more discomfort, the two of you stood silently staring each other down. While you were experiencing your fight-or-flight instinct for the second time that day, Hyunjin just seemed sad.

“I had to do it Y/N” You had seen Hyunjin happy, you had seen him be charming, you had even seen him just blank. To most, seeing someone so empty would freak them out. But you had never seen Hyunjin mad or sad. Seeing him act this way now was scarier than that day he saved your life.

“What do you mean ‘you had to do it’?” You had only thought he had been following you, which was bad enough, but thinking he had something to do with it only made the dread in your stomach worse.

“Han. Mark. Beomgyu. Then Han again. I had to intervene”

“What? Had to intervene?” You can barely process what you're hearing, let alone think of a response. All you can speak are questions you know you’ll never get an answer to. “How do you know their names Hyunjin?”

Silence.

“Hyunjin answer me!” You watch as he begins to cry, the raising of your voice shaking something within him.

“If I show you, will you forgive me?”

“I don’t-” Your voice breaks itself off, the mixture of emotions in your gut making it impossible to think.

Without saying another word, Hyunjin excuses himself from where he had previously been frozen in place. His back against the blank wall of your living room. He shuts his eyes and takes a breath before you see the impossible. Shadows appear behind him, but not of any human form. Wings that span far past his arm's reach are cast onto the walls of your apartment. It’s your turn to freeze. Mind racing as you try to take in what you're witnessing. Once he opens his eyes, they disappear, you’re almost convinced you were just seeing things but the shit-eating grin he wears tells you otherwise.

“What- What does that mean?” No matter what you just saw, you fail to understand how it relates to the situation you currently find yourself in.

“I’m your guardian angel”

“My what?”

“Guardian angel, you know, like in the movies and stuff”

“Get the fuck out of my apartment” The confusion you felt is replaced by rage. You don’t care to hear him out, any reason he may have for playing this joke on you will go unheard.

“Wait Y/N, I’m serious!” You shake your head, refusing to believe anything he says but you don’t get another second to think until he’s suddenly in your face. “How do you think I got here?”

“Hyunjin” Your voice is quiet, fear eats you up as he stands so close. The Hyunjin you thought you knew is no longer there, a strange man stands by you instead.

“No, don't be scared!” He can sense your every emotion, his hands grip your shoulders trying to calm you. “I’m just trying to show you I’m telling the truth! Think about that day at the theatre right? No way any human could be got there as fast as I did”

“Hyunjin please” A madman was in your home, gripping you hard enough to leave bruises and you couldn't do anything about it apart from beg for him to leave. That didn’t seem to align with Hyunjins plans.

“Y/N just listen to me!” He lets go of your shoulders and steps away, though not far enough for you to leave the wall he had backed against. “Don’t you see how good this is!”

“Good?! In what way is this good?”

“We can be with each other now, without any secrets”

“You think I want to be with you?” You force him to step away from you, finger jabbing into his chest. Although tears continue to flow down your face, laughter now joins them. “You’re fucking crazy!”

“I’m not crazy!” He snaps right back at you. “How else can I prove I am an angel, your angel?”

“That's not the issue Hyunjin. The issue is that you’ve ruined all my relationships! And now you work with me? You’ve ruined the only thing I had!”

“I didn’t ruin anything Y/N, they weren’t right for you. We were made for each other, it has to be us”

“I don’t want you Hyunjin! Especially not if you’re gonna force it, let me figure that out myself! I- I don’t want you micromanaging my life Hyunjin, can’t you see how insane that is?” He shakes his head, his tears breaking him down further. Your roles have reversed as he quietly begs for you to stop. “I want to live! I want to date and have my heart broken. I want friends, I want a job where you aren’t there”

“I had to” He’s no louder than a whisper, but he isn’t speaking for you, instead he’s trying to convince himself that he’s done nothing wrong.

“I don’t care Hyunjin, I just want you to leave”

“I can’t” It’s his turn to panic, when he looks at you his eyes are full of fear but you fail to understand where it's coming from. “If I leave now, you’ll forget me. Humans are forbidden to know about creatures like me. If I leave, everything will be forgotten ”

“Good” You spit the word at him, furious at the way he has made your life worse, furious at the way he thinks he deserves your acceptance. “I don’t want to ever see you again”

“I’m not leaving Y/N, I- I- I love you and I’m not leaving” He stands like a child in the middle of your living room. Tears flow down his face but he’s barely crying. He just stands and watches you, refusing to give in.

“Well, I hate you Hyunjin” You watch him swallow back a cry at your words. “And if you won’t leave then I will”

As you go to walk past him he grabs your arm, grip much stronger than before. If the wings and teleporting weren’t enough to convince you of his powers, his inhuman strength was, you cry out in pain. “No! You can’t leave!”

“You're hurting me!” Your begging is more desperate than before, the pain becoming unbearable as he crushes your arm. “Let go please!”

“But then you’ll leave” His soft eyes find yours, lips broken and chewed as he tries to find himself a loophole in the situation he's put himself in.

“Let me” He didn’t yell at you so you don’t yell back. Trying to find peace in the situation.

“Y/N you have to understand that I can’t”

“Are we gonna stand like this forever then?” He doesn’t respond, all reasoning goes past him. So instead you put your hands together and begin to pray.

You pray to the heavens above for help. You pray that justice can find its way into your life and punish Hyunjin for the damage he has caused. You pray that he is no longer the man to watch over you. And just when you begin to lose hope that anything holy could be on your side, his grip loosens and although it is still painful, it is human. You make eye contact with him one more, and terror makes its way over his face one last time before he collapses.

For the first time, Hyunjin wakes up. Never in his life had he slept and he never wishes to again. A burning pain on his upper back from what he assumes is the hard wooden floor below him. But when he opens his eyes and sees the panic in your eyes, he begins to believe it's from something else.

“You’re bleeding Hyunjin” You can barely stomach the blood, unsure of what to do as he bleeds out onto the floor of your apartment. He manages to peel himself out of the sticky mess, his hand reaching back to feel the open wound that sits on his shoulder. His heart sinks even further when he reaches and feels a matching wound on the opposite side.

“My wings” Defeated is the only way to describe Hyunjin in this situation. He had lost his power, his status, his purpose. “What did you do?”

“I prayed” You look just as broken as him, sorrow present in your eyes. “I didn’t know this would happen Hyunjin, I’m sorry”

Despite the constant distress he had put you through your entire life, you helped him up. You go to leave for the first aid kit but he stands to join you. If you leave, you’ll forget. Although you wouldn’t mind forgetting right now, the grief in his eyes is enough to guilt you into remembering for now. You do your best to tend to his wounds as he sits crying. A grown man bleeding and crying in your bathroom wasn’t the plans you had for tonight and it makes you incredibly uncomfortable having him in your house. But you couldn't leave him now. So you allow him to stay, and the two of you lay side by side in your bed, not touching but close enough for comfort.

The night stays silent, you can’t sleep knowing that once you do, everything will change forever. Hyunjin won’t be a part of your life, Sam will be forgotten. “Hyunjin?”

“Yeah?”

“What happens now?”

“You forget” His voice is the same monotone you're used to from him. He doesn’t sugarcoat his words. “You forget about me and you get a new angel now that I’m human”

“I’m sorry” Tears roll from your eyes down the side of your head, soaking the sheets below you.

“Everything I did for you” He sighs and you know whatever he says next is going to enrage you. Nothing he did was ever for you, it was for him. “And you just threw it away? I sacrificed so much for you Y/N”

His crying had only just calmed but he began again, turning away from you and sobbing into your pillow to hide his pain.

“I’m sorry” It’s the only words you manage to spill from your lip, no matter how you felt, you couldn't express it properly. It wasn’t worth it knowing this would all be wiped clear from your mind. You just wanted it to be over with. “I’m going to the store, when I’m back, please be gone”

He sits up but it’s too late, you’ve made up your mind. Yet you stall at the door to your bedroom, knowing once you leave the room, your life will change forever. One last time you look back and take in his dark eyes, eyes you once considered a comfort in the chaos of your life. The chaos that he was now the centre of.

“Goodbye Hyunjin” And with that, you stepped away. It was the last time he would ever get to see you look at him with love. The next time you saw him, he would be a stranger.

For him, this was love at last sight.

Work was no longer entertainment for Hyunjin. Work was now essential. It wasn’t that he didn’t know how to look after himself, but for the first time, he had to think about comfort, food and hygiene. It was a difficult adjustment but if it meant he could continue to see you every day, he would.

The first day back was the most painful, having to be reintroduced to someone who he loved so dearly and for you to look at him as if he was a stranger. In your mind he was, and he had to accept that. But what he couldn’t accept is your behaviour in the following weeks. He no longer held the power to intervene on any dates you may or may not be going on. But he knows you too well.

He knows when you had a good night and when you had a bad night. But when the good nights started becoming more frequent, he knew it was over. His suspicion got confirmed when a man he had never seen before walked through the elevator doors on the floor he worked on, the floor you worked on. His eyes immediately went to you, heartbreaking when he saw you light up at the man. He assumed it was bad and was greeted with the worst when you meet the man with a kiss. He called in sick for the rest of the week.

Could you blame him?

Hyunjin's purpose was to protect, care and love Y/N. And he could no longer do that. So instead he prayed. He prayed until his knees bleed and his hands grew calloused. Until the heavens could no longer ignore his thoughts. His wish? To make sure Y/N never found love if it wasn’t from him.

Y/N's purpose was to be protected, cared and loved for by the heavens. Yet she was no longer protected the way she once was. Despite the efforts of her new guardian, she was left alone. She never prayed after Hyunjin. Never once thought of him as more than a young intern trying to make his way. Never would she think to love him. Her memory was lost and so was their love.

For Hyunjin, this was love at ever and ever sight.

#k-labels #kflixnet #hearttoheartvdaycollab #stray kids #skz #hyunjin #stray kids x reader #stray kids angst #skz x reader #skz angst #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin angst

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emmys-writing-blog · 1 year ago

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- Prompt idea: Reversed Roles

feel free to use this as an idea but please tag me cause I'd love to read it lol

(cw: killing/death)

After a sudden uprise in crime around the city, the agency makes it legal for the heroes to kill villains. Originally it was only intended for heroes to kill supervillains, the worst of the worst. But they didn’t know when to stop. When to draw the line. The aim quickly shifted to popular villains after most of the supervillains had died or gone into hiding, and after that, it turned to everyday criminals. People committing one-time crimes, kids who steal from shops. The agency showed no mercy. The lines between good and bad were blurred as heroes became ruthless killers and villains would try to protect lesser criminals.

The golden hero of the agency saw the change among the other heroes, how they liked killing them. Killing manic supervillains was one thing, but killing villains who she knew would never hurt any innocents. That was something she couldn’t stand for. The brave hero set out on a mission, protecting the remainder of villains and criminals from the agency. It didn’t take long for the hero to be properly recognised by larger villains. The hero became a beacon of hope for them. Somebody they could trust to help them.

The villains however weren’t the only ones to notice this. The agency also found out about the hero’s doing, they were furious. Not only did it look bad for the agency that their best hero was protecting villains, but they were also trying to convince the public to do the same. The agency took action and labeled the hero as an uprising villain who had turned against the agency. It didn’t take long before the other heroes, the hero’s friends, were trying to kill them.

The hero was able to make it a few days on the run, but she stood no chance against the number of heroes that were after her. The hero found herself cornered in an alleyway as she was forced to confront them. While her training from the agency was able to help her a bit, it wasn’t enough. Despite the situation, the hero regretted nothing. She knew that the law set out by the agency was wrong, and she stood by that.

The hero prepared themself as she fell to the ground, unable to fight anymore. The other heroes showed no mercy, completely disregarding all the years they had spent together, blinded by orders sent from the agency. They rose their weapons, ready to land the final blow when somebody pushed them out of the way. Many more rushed around the corner, some fighting the heroes off and the others tending to the hero. The hero was quickly able to recognise her saviours as the villains and criminals who she had protected. Some being young teenagers and others being powerful villains who the hero had helped at a time in need. Now they were repaying the favour.

Seeing all of the villains and criminals protecting the hero was enough to make the heroes retreat back to the agency. Few were killed but a majority still made their way back. The hero was helped back to her feet and was taken in by the villains. It didn’t take long for her wounds to heal, her reputation however, remained tarnished. The entire city was out for the hero’s arrest and the agency was livid. The hero had her own team now, and she was going to take down the agency.

#hero x villain #hero x villain community #supervillain #villain #hero #criminal #writing #story ideas #feel free to use but please take me cause i want to read this #ok thats enough tags

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acrosstimeandspace · 2 years ago

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Two Birds

A DayFae song fic based on the song “Two Birds on a Wire”. Warning for Lostbelt 7 spoilers and theories. Enjoy the angst!

(Two birds on a wire One tries to fly away And the other watches him close from that wire He says he wants to as well But he is a liar)

The human mind could only take so much shock, though the bounds and limits of that varied person to person. Daybit occasionally wondered whatever could push him to his edge, considering he couldn’t make himself stop remembering things, like an ever present recording video of his life.

He thought he knew it to be the moment he was to look at the tombstone in front of him. The neat letters etched into the stone reading out a name that wasn’t his friend’s, who they had all thought to be disappeared. Only for Daybit to learn that this was in fact their tombstone even if their body would never lay underneath it, because it was in another realm under another tombstone and he never would have been able to protect them from such a fate. And they would never come back to him, he would never see their smile or hear their laugh or feel their arms wrap around him or—-

So he trudged through Chaldea, a part of this team now, being trained to defend humanity and at times he could only wonder what for?

Fae’s death was his breaking point. It had to be because there could be no worse fate than to have his other half ripped away. Not the flames, not being manipulated against humanity, not failing to end the Master of Chaldea.

And then he woke up on his bed, in an apartment near the Clocktower, the year on his phone reading several years before.

(I'll believe it all

There's nothing I won't understand)

He could change things this time around, he told himself. He would not let Fae fall because he would find how to get to this world himself or at least get them to confide in him.

Which, he should admit, they were terrible at confiding in anyone. Fae always shouldered every ounce of burden and unhappiness and bottled it up in this little jar inside of themself they thought no one could see — he did, he did— until it burst and they were hurt.

Daybit wouldn’t let Fae get hurt again, he couldn’t.

So when they came home for the one of the first times after their visits to Askr — he guessed based on his knowledge from the previous timeline — he got them to tell him about their woes, and he told them the truth about their world. About Magecraft and trained them as much as he could before he had to go back and so did they. They wouldn’t take him to Askr, away from his own work.

Daybit could say at least they made it farther this time, even with the terror of seeing their bloody body as he held onto them and stared down Fafnir because he couldn’t let Fae do this alone.

He waited for things to reset again, because it had to be someone giving him a chance to save Fae, right? But then why did he have to go through years of being alone again just nearly the same?

So when he fought again against the Master of Chaldea, he was happy to pass on their own success.

And then he woke up staring at that familiar apartment ceiling. Oh.

Oh.

Chaldea was the reset. Not his loss, he was not some hero in this story destined to save the one he loved.

But he’d be damned if he didn’t try.

(I'll believe it all

I won't let go of your hand)

He’d happily use this broken system that was set up by someone, whoever the hell it was. Again and again and again he’d see that he friend would die in different ways, each time lasting longer than the last. And again he’d let everything reset so he could see them, hear them, try to save them.

But he was so tired. Why was Fae’s destiny to die? Did they not pour enough of their life into tearing bits of themself off to help others? Who decided to put the fate of so many worlds in their hands, that were so tiny and gentle and calloused but so sweet and warm?

His heart felt heavy as he watched Fae flutter about Askr’s halls and finally to him, relief in their smile as they spoke.

“It’s over, Day. We’ve done it, I can finally retire!”

He pulled them into a hug then and there, pressing them tightly into his chest as he glanced up at the castle’s ceiling, blinking way tears.

It was over. They were safe. All he had to do now was finally pull the other pieces together and end what was resetting everything. And Fae was already talking about the job offer they had received, as an archivist for some mage, and Daybit just had to make sure the timeline could continue through. Then he could finally be with Fae, and retire himself.

That’s all. Simple.

(Two birds on a wire

One says c'mon and the other says "I'm tired"

The sky is overcast and I'm sorry

One more or one less

Nobody's worried)

He wasn’t too concerned when things were changing so drastically from the other timelines. In fact, you could say it overjoyed him to see the other Crypters he accidentally grew so close to each timeline somehow survive their fated deaths. He gave his thanks to this for some odd butterfly effect of Fae surviving their own fate. A happy coincidence.

Or perhaps it was because he killed Marisbury, shot him with his gun and staged it to be a tragedy. He knew it wouldn’t stop much, but Marisbury would be much more hindered and much less involved. Marisbury’s remaining consciousness was trapped inside Chaldeans until the right moment. He had only felt pity for his daughter, Olga Marie, who had never deserved the pain of having a magus for a father.

It was nice though, to watch those he had watched die without being able to do anything before now live. He remembered, before the complexity of the Lostbelts, even confiding in them about Fae. He hoped that they, after all of this, would be able to meet his new and final friends.

(I'll believe it all

There's nothing I won't understand)

Fae was trudging through the supposed final Lostbelt. But, something was wrong, undeniably so. Larger than anything else strange going on in this Lostbelt. Sorry to the dinosaurs, but they were, perhaps, the most normal thing about this.

No, what was strange was this pit in their stomach that had them on edge the entire time. What was strange was that the other Crypters refused to speak about their seventh, and kept Da Vinci and the others in Chaldea, sans Goredolf, hush about them too. What was weird was that even Beryl, the downright bastard, had no quick witty thing to say except that said person was an enigma. What was strange was that somehow, that Master’s Servant, Tezcatlipoca, somehow knew too much about them.

Because it all sickeningly pointed them towards an answer they were spiraling too now.

Tezca, as they began to call him, was gracious enough to confirm this for them without a price.

“I’m surprised though, you’re not the same Master of Chaldea… But instead, new one, you’re more familiar than I’m sure my Master would like.”

“If I were to ask you who your Master is, would you answer me honestly.”

“It doesn’t matter to me if you know, I don’t think it’ll change much for us.”

“Then it is Daybit.”

Tezca rose an eyebrow. “How long have you known?”

Fae swallowed, furrowing their brows, “I thought I saw him in a Coffin.”

“Ah. Well, what will you do? Give up on humanity, that is destined to be remade? Or give up on—“

“Daybit wouldn’t destroy humanity.”

“You’re confident about that.”

“Yes.”

“Won’t even tell me why?”

“I…” They grasped onto their locket, which was strongly pointing to Daybit’s direction. “I’m still putting those pieces together.”

(I'll believe it all

I won't let go of your hand)

“But you don’t understand!” Fae yelled at Da Vinci and the Crypters. “Why would the Seventh Crypter be so hellbent on destroying only Chaldeas? Tezca didn’t even specify us!”

“Fae, you need to calm down,” Kadoc’s voice was sharp. “What’s happening now, none of us could predict it.”

“But it has to do with the bigger picture. It, it just didn’t start here, with the Lostbelts. It had too…”

Fae turned around to stare at the cave wall they had been using as a blackboard for the past day. Their writing was a mess of Ylissean — Robin had taught them, and it had become their stress language — connecting to dots that had occurred over the span of the last few years since their time in Askr. Tears blurred their writing as they ran a hand through their messy teal hair. Teal like Thor’s like the All Father’s, things those in Askr had said to them running through their mind and they hit it.

“He’s desperate to keep you safe.” Loki had confided in them. “He’d hold onto you forever if you’d only ask. Perhaps that’s why things keep ending so…”

“So what? Different?”

“For you, specifically. He’d let someone reset the entire world if it meant you’d be safe.”

“That quite a specific thing to say.”

Loki only shrugged, a knowing smile on her lips.

“Oh.”

“Oh? Fae, what is it? Are you alright?” Kirschtaria had come up behind them to place his hands comfortingly on their shoulders, which they willingly leaned into

“Marisbury is resetting the timeline.”

“Fae, that’s…”

“And Daybit’s been letting it happen over and over again because I keep dying.”

“Fae—“

They turned sharply to face the others in the cave, their eyes wide as the words tumbled out of their mouth. “Loki, in Askr before I left, implied that Daybit has been letting things be reset because my ending kept changing. And then Tezca said that I’m not the same Master of Chaldea that Daybit’s planned for, that Marisbury’s planned for. And that would make sense, because I’ve never lived long enough to be the Master until this timeline! That’s why he’s off his game, I keep throwing him curveballs! But not Daybit, because I’m sure he’s slowly come to the conclusion that I’m here just like I did about him being here!”

“But that doesn’t explain him claiming to be an enemy of humanity. Or about him wanting to destroy Chaldeas.” Pepe threw in.

“No,” Da Vinci shook her head. “We knew that Olga Marie lived on through Chaldeas.”

“So, it’s possible that so did Marisbury.” Kirschtaria finished her thought.

“But then why did he die?” The question was posed by Kadoc, who looked around at the trio putting the pieces together in alarm.

“Because, Day realized that in Chaldeas, Marisbury would have less knowledge and control over the Master of Chaldea in their beginnings. It’s why he killed Marisbury. And since Marisbury’s soul lives on in Chaldeas and is continuing this impossible conclusion of a timeline, that leads us to resetting. The only solution would be to then destroy Chaldeas.”

“Then how does he plan to put ORT back to sleep?”

“He doesn’t.”

(Two birds of a feather

Say that they're always gonna stay together

But one's never going to let go of that wire

He says that he will

But he's just a liar)

It was chaos, and Fae could hardly keep track of the others as they sprinted towards Daybit. It didn’t matter now if Chaldeas was destroyed so long as Marisbury could not reset things. The only important thing was to race towards their light to stop him from extinguishing himself to brighten the future.

To pursue forward, each footstep, each jump, with him as their only goal. It felt like then, with dagger in hand running towards Tiamat. But this time, they’d stop a death. They had to, to dodge the debris and move and move and leap and run.

(Two birds on a wire

One tries to fly away and the other

Watches him close from that wire

He says he wants to as well, but he is a liar)

Daybit turns back to them, light of a spell in front of him making him look radiant, he’s glowing. He’s beautiful with that bittersweet smile, purple eyes shaded by his long lashes.

They’re so close, hands and arms wrapping around him and pulling him in. He’s so warm and the feel of even just his leather trench coat is home it’s right and for a heartbeat they’re almost tempted to ignore the rising of magic that is just too much and won’t work to cherish this after being deprived of even the smallest look of him.

And he says, “We’ll be home soon, Fae.”

(Two birds on a wire

One tries to fly away and the other)

#self ship #self shipping #self ship writing #mythic reveries #angst #i left the ending open on what happens :3c bc i honestly don’t know what to do

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spacewives-in-spacetime · 2 years ago

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blood of bronze, tears of gold

blood of bronze, tears of gold (1675 words) by Hell_in_High_Heels Chapters: 1/2 Fandom: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who & Related Fandoms Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: The Doctor/River Song, Eleventh Doctor/River Song, Tenth Doctor/River Song, Twelfth Doctor/River Song, Thirteenth Doctor/River Song Characters: The Doctor (Doctor Who), River Song, (mentioned), Thirteenth Doctor, Twelfth Doctor, Eleventh Doctor, Tenth Doctor (Doctor Who) Additional Tags: Episode Fix-It: s04e08 Silence in the Library, could be, Hurt, Maybe - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, maybe… Summary: The Doctor drowned themself in a pool of ideas, each one surrounding the magnificent River Song. The beautiful woman who waltzed into her life and destroyed their very way of thinking.

he Doctor drowned themself in a pool of ideas, each one surrounding the magnificent River Song. The beautiful woman who waltzed into her life and destroyed their very way of thinking. The wonderful person who knocked him out cold, chaining him to a pipe to sacrifice herself. The amazing wife who protected them to her last breath. That very same person was stripped away from him, against their pleads and begs. Darillium was still fresh in her mind, with it all the last memories of his - now dead - wife. She sat on her bed, taking notice how cold and lonely she felt when her wife wasn’t beside her, telling him snarky remarks and witty comments. She smiled at the now faded memories of their laughter. The Time Lord had no choice but to let a tear roll down her face. It was awful really, how they treated River in her final moments, and the Doctor acknowledged the fact. Though there was no forgiveness, even from herself, the Doctor tried to compensate for it.

She remembered when she first met River. She practically dropped from the sky, knowing every little detail about him. It was difficult, falling in love with a practical stranger, who really wasn’t one at all. Falling in love with someone from the distant future that you wished would come closer. He tried not to though, more for his sake than anything. If he knew this absolute goddess of a woman would be ripped from him, from his past no less, he didn’t think he could survive it. It pained him enough to watch her burn, knowing her love for him - something he would once return -, and not being able to do anything about it. Knowing full well that she would be his wife one day, someone he trusted enough to tell him his very own name, and would be utterly useless in helping her. If she truly was who she said he was, he didn’t think he could live past a loss like that, even if it was inevitable.

So, he did what he always did. He ran. He ran away from his problems like a child, understanding that he couldn’t get too close to her, he just couldn’t. A loss like that would absolutely demolish him. And it did. It swallowed him up ‘till there was nothing left. It destroyed their soul, letting nothing remain in its wake. But if only he could prevent that. He tried hard, keeping his distance as much as he could. But he couldn’t do much but let her take him along. As much as he didn’t want to feel the heartbreak like the stupid, selfish man he was, he just couldn’t stay away from her. He was so, so selfish, letting his own joy get in the way of both of their wellbeing. The Doctor loved every moment with River, savouring it until there was nothing. The twenty=four years wasn’t enough. No amount of time would ever be enough with her.

It was even more selfish to continue to ruin her life. She could have been so much more, but all her potential - as well as her regenerations - were wasted on them. They were the cause of the Silence and all of River’s trauma. All the pain that she tried to keep hidden, all the nightmares that would strike her at the dead of night, were all because of the Doctor. It was an awful weight to bring down on her, and yet she chose him. After all the pain and suffering, River chose him. She could have let them die, but she chose a different path than being the murderer and psychopath she thought she was. Not much of the same could be said for the Doctor. Her wife was a strong, powerful woman. She didn’t let her emotions keep her cooped up against her bedpost, drowning in the sorrows that came with thinking of her spouse. The Doctor on the other hand had a much more difficult time doing anything other than exactly that. She also kept the blue journal that described all their time together clutched against their chest as they slept, within the hours that nightmares of her own kept her awake.

The Doctor rose from the bed, walking over to the closet. It was filled with mainly her clothes. A tiny smile graced their face as the Doctor thought of all the times they spent adventuring together, gathering clothes from different time periods. Obviously the TARDIS had more than enough, but the Doctor certainly did not go more than a week before buying a new article of clothing, something River greatly appreciated. They spent years walking in and out of there, sometimes they’d just drop their clothes straight onto the floor. That seemed to happen a lot since they were often being hurried. The Doctor slowly took a few steps before instantly being hit with a wave of perfume -cherry vanilla as it would happen-, taking her time breathing in River’s lovely scent. There was a hint of something different, something uniquely her in a way the Doctor never understood until now. It was time, the living blood work of River Song. With her blood of bronze and hair of gold, she showed up and destroyed the Doctor’s life in the most fashionable way possible: by making them fall in love with her.

Of course, that wasn’t that hard of a task. The Doctor, as much as they tried, was more than happy to live happily with their soon-to-be wife. Honestly, he loved being around her more than her around him .She filled him with the most wonderful thoughts and feelings, making them feel all sorts of… bubbly. It was a privilege just being within the same room with her, much less being her spouse. It amused them that she could slip away from him so easily. As the sands of time within an hourglass were wearing thin, so was their time together. The Doctor had been trying to stop his own heart from falling head over heels in love with the madwoman, but he managed to fail spectacularly. If anything, it made him want to love her more. They loved her more than anything, more than they ever thought they could love. And yet, as cruel fate would have it, in his efforts to stop himself from loving, she didn’t know she was loved. She didn’t realise how utterly heartbroken and useless she would make them when she left him that night on Darillium.

It was a crushing defeat when River left. Like a slap to the face, leaving him brokenhearted with nothing to do. It felt like a deafening blow, as if he was correct in wanting to save himself from it. But no, he wasn’t going to be the selfish old man he knew he was. He was going to push through, saving their tears for midnight, where they could cry in peace. She left him wishing for something to pull him from his thoughts. It was all too much. But then, after much time, he met Bill. It wasn’t enough to make him forget about her - nothing would -. He couldn’t push his pain away, and he certainly wasn’t going to put it on someone else. But the absolute suffering he went through, spending every waking moment wishing she was near him. Spending every morning, expecting to wake up to her golden curls in his face, or her warmth enveloping him as he wrapped his arms around her. But he could barely sleep now, and when he did, the sheer pain of not being able to feel her, nor see her would crush him. He would spend every spare moment thinking about ways to save her, knowing full well that 1. It was damn near impossible, trying to free her. And 2. If he was going to fail, the pain of knowing they were so close, yet so far, would shred his hopes, and burn the traces. It never worked, as their thoughts would always stray to how beautiful the green of her eyes were - like emeralds- , or how every cork of curls bestowed upon her head acted as a crown. She was a queen, both literally and figuratively. The kingdoms she ruled over prospered, every single one. But from a more figurative standpoint, she was the most perfect and elegant person you would every meet. She shined grace and mischief, polluting the dear Doctor’s mind. It was very enticing to themself drown in the bliss that is River Song. Allowing themself to dive into the love and burning embers that grows within her soul. River would rule their very being, plundering any other thought from inhabiting their indentured mind. Because River Song was an enigma, hard to wrap their head around. She lived in the Doctor’s thoughts. But that wasn’t enough. The Doctor wanted to see her, breath in her scent, live alongside her for the rest of their lives. If the Doctor truly was immortal, that probably wouldn’t happen. River Song would find some other way to leave her life, slowly but surely. There was no way River and the Doctor could stay together forever though. But remember when I said it was damn near impossible, trying to save her? Take notice to the near part. Possibility wasn’t going to stop her from trying to free her wife from the imprisonment she put her through. But that’s what they do, isn’t it? Push people away until it’s too late. If only they didn’t make River leave on Trenzalore. Maybe then things could be different. They could still have adventures long after she passed, even in his timeline. Maybe if she lived with him even as a ghost… The Doctor would love her all the same, after all. So if only the Doctor didn’t push everyone away, If only the Doctor could learn to just love, and let themself be able to love. It wouldn’t take much, and River Song was most definitely worth it.

#eleventh doctor x river song #twelfth doctor x river song #the doctor #the doctor x river song #river song #river song x the doctor #tenriver #doctor who #tenth doctor #eleventh doctor #twelfth doctor #doctor who fanfiction #thirteenth doctor #the thirteenth doctor #thirteen x river #thirteenth doctor x river song #space wives #h/c

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sleepyheadscompany · 2 years ago

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THIS IS A RANT, LEAVE IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ IT!!!

TW for everything DID?? Idk:

Been a bit lost and disoriented for a few days and thought I’d let the void hear all about it.

I’m so fucking done with this system bullshit. Whoever gave this to me can take it the fuck back, I don’t want it and never HAVE wanted it. Can’t imagine why people would want to have this disorder. It sucks. It sucks when I can’t have my partner because of it. it sucks when I keep myself awake for days at a time over sleep anxiety that someone gonna hurt me again. It sucks when I’m in bed crying about not being able to remember shit. It sucks when I’m in bed dealing with flashbacks and nightmares. It also sucks when I’m in bed crying about both of those things and also crying and screaming and kicking at the fact that this is my reality, and I can’t escape it.

I can never get out of my own head. That shit stings. I can’t ever leave, as much as I’ve tried, hence why I have this disorder in the first place. Because I couldn’t handle the shit going on in my head. So, I screwed myself over for life by trying to run away so hard my brain took it too literally and put someone else there so I could run away for a little while, not knowing that that same person would also fuck me over themself later on in life.

I don’t blame them, at least not anymore, for fucking with me like she did. Alters have so much control over each other. They don’t even realize they have that much power most of the time (from my experience, at least). You can fuck with someone’s whole reality and interpretation of the world in a system. Sharing a brain with someone who has a narrative that they won’t give up on to the point that they literally get into your head and fuck up years of your life sucks. If you didn’t catch that already.

I’ll never be the fucking same. I can’t trust anyone. Even the people in my own goddamn head who are meant to protect me. Them’s the breaks I guess..

This disorder has RUINED my life and people WANT to have it????

What kind of masochistic shit is this??

I’d like to personally ask every person that fakes this disorder for fun or who romanticizes it why the fuck they hate themselves so much. Like, I HATE myself, with a very capital H, but even I don’t hate myself enough to want to subject myself to the torment that is this disorder. People are fucking insane, man.

AND THEN there’s the people who want to deny that it even exists???

Like, excuse me but WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK????

YOU AND YOUR BELIFES DETERMINE THE COURSE OF MY LIFE AND THE LIVES OF SO MANY OTHER TRAUMATIZED PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN SO ROYALY FUCKED BY THE WORLD THAT THEIR TRAUMA HAS UPROOTED THEIR LIVES AND YOU WANT TO. WHAT? SAY THAT OUR MASS AMOUNTS OF TRAUMA DIDN’T DO WHAT WE THINK IT DID WHEN WE LIVE WITH THE REALITY OF THE SITUATION EVERY FUCKING DAY?? HOW FUCKING SICK TO YOU HAVE TO BE???

Is all of my suffering and trauma and torment by the hands of people I can’t even escape fake to them? I don’t know what to tell you, man. The science is there. The consistency of symptoms between people that have never even met and all share similar experiences is there. What more evidence do you need? Like the theory of structural dissociation is pretty sound to me and reflects a ton of people’s experiences.

DID has been in the DSM for years and has still kept its place, to this day, in the latest versions. Yet, people are still denying its existence when a good amount of them a) DON’T EVEN HAVE PSYCH DEGREES?? and b) use outdated information on DID and its history. Like, get over yourselves. Not seeing much room for argument. And people LOVE to bring up all the times YEARS AGO that people diagnosed it willy-nilly because it was cool when, nowadays, even some of the worst therapists I’ve ever had are hesitant to diagnose it out of fear of repeating history. Thats gotta mean SOMETHING.

And yeah, I understand that people don’t want to believe that so many young children are getting traumatized so badly it fucks them over from before they reach double digits to the moment they die (sometimes) but FUCK! The world is messed up and the brain does what it’s gotta do to survive dude. Idk man, cry about it, I guess.

I’m so fucking done with everything that comes with DID that I just might do something I’ll regret (I’m not actually gonna do anything, but let me be dramatic.) Everything sucks and I just wanna go home, wherever home is. I’m genuinely gonna cry I’m so fucking done get me out of here PLEASE!! I’m begging and I want out. Lord.

(Came back and read this months later and damn some of this didn’t make sense. I edited some stuff but everything said is the same as before.)

-🐢

#DID System #DID #im so mad #get me tf outta here #TalksWithMio #literally crying rn #someone HELP

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superjumpintomyheart · 2 years ago

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Oh Captain [Agent (Captain) 3 x Agent 8]

“Sorry,” came the mumbled words from Three’s lips, their attempt to slide into bed with their girlfriend without waking her up was unsuccessful. The octoling stirred awake, reaching out to cling onto Three as they shifted the blankets to make themself comfortable. Eight didn’t mind being woken up if it meant she got to cuddle with her partner, with their new duties as Captain of the New Squidbeak Splatoon, they weren’t able to spend as much time relaxing together lately.

“Why’re you sorry?” Eight asked, her octarian accent thick with sleepiness, not bothering to make her words sound any clearer. She sighed as she felt Three’s comforting weight settle beside her, their arm draped over her waist with her head to their chest. She was able to breathe in their unique scent, a smell she’d come to know as her home, freshwater air and earthy undertones.

Three hesitated, they hated having to inconvenience Eight if it was avoidable. They hated having to cause problems for anybody, there might have been a time long ago when they were much more confident and brash - nothing like the quiet demeanor they held today. When it came to the young octoling, they only ever wanted to bring love and protection to her, they never wanted to make her upset or feel unsafe due to their actions. After the way the two met, Three always took extra care to make sure Eight knew she was safe, never again to be hurt by their lover.

“I don’t like having to disturb you, and I work so late it isn’t fair you have to wake up after such little sleep.” They idly played with Eight’s tentacles on the back of her head, twirling the short strands and massaging the base of her neck almost as an apology without the words.

“Mm,” She hummed, delighted by the spontaneous massage on her sore muscles. After a long day of turf wars, practicing her sniping skills, and rough splat zone battles, this was just what she needed. “Not disturbing me… I miss you, so wakin’ up to you helps me fall asleep again - but better. S’nice, Three.”

Eight was prone to nightmares, twisted memories of her time under Octavio’s control haunted her dreams and fueled her panic. It wasn’t too uncommon for her to wake up with flashbacks or startling herself or Three with a shout or cry. Though it couldn’t change her memories, having Three beside her while she slept helped her mind to be still, she knew she was safe as long as her partner rested adjacent to her. If she happened to be having a nightmare when the inkling was coming back to bed for the night, they could wake her up and help her with deep pressure therapy, talk out her anxiety, or simply just put a stop to the bad dream.

She could remember countless times she’d been woken up from a nightmare, and after Three’s help she had some of the best sleep she had gotten in a long time. Like refreshing a website page so it would run smoother, Eight was always thankful for the refresh her partner was able to provide.

“You really don’t mind?” Three asked after a while, doubtful.

Eight nodded, peeking open her eyes to look at them through the sleepiness that clouded her vision. Even in the dark room, the moonlight lit up the space just enough for her to see the beauty of the inkling in bed with her. The bright yellow of her long tentacle hair which faded into a light raspberry pink - their secondary color which had become entwined with Eight’s primary color, and vice versa. The faint scar around their eye from where they had been controlled by Tartar, and subsequently where Eight had splatted the toxic ink off of them. She could see each of the things she loved most about her partner, her captain.

“I really don’t mind.” The two cephalings met eyes, conveying a mutual feeling between each other without having to say anything.

Three nodded, understanding and accepting Eight’s answer as truth even if they weren’t fully convinced yet. They’d take her word for it nonetheless.

Who knew becoming a captain would cause so much unease in their life? It didn’t help that the inkling was known for pushing themself to the edge of what they could physically handle, they had plenty of scars to prove it. They weren’t new to the constant work of the agent lifestyle, they’d been doing it for seven years, but perhaps they weren’t as young as they once were back when they saved Inkopolis from DJ Octavio’s original scheme. As if they were reliving the memory of that battle, they swore they could hear the Calamari Inkantation in their head, that heavenly melody soothing their worries.

It took them a moment to realize that they weren’t imagining it, Eight was actually humming the song while rubbing small, comforting circles on their chest. They smiled, that song meant so much to the octoling who broke free of the oppression she faced after hearing it, of course she’d use it as a way to try calming them down.

Three would admit it had an effect on them as well, it was truly a magical experience to hear the melody of the Calamari Inkantation, nobody could resist it. Not DJ Octavio, not Eight, not even themself. It helped, listening to their girlfriend quietly singing in the silence of their apartment after having their head wrapped up in so many things.

They simply enjoyed the tune until Eight stopped singing, sighing into each other as they were both feeling relaxed and heavy with sleep. After all the work they did, Three was surprised they’d stayed awake this long, it was likely close to 2 or 3 o’clock in the morning already.

“Why don’t you take the day off tomorrow, Three? We can spend all day in bed watching bad TV shows and eating those chips you like, whatever you need to do for work can be done when you go back.” Eight wanted her partner to take care of themself, and it seemed that sometimes they needed a reminder that it was okay to take a day off to rest and recover. It also meant they could get more sleep, which they desperately needed judging by the bags around their eyes.

“Mkay… if you say so,” Three mumbled, too sleepy to protest the idea. The logical part of their brain argued it would be good for them anyway, and they didn’t feel like trying to push themself over some dumb paperwork. “I love you, Eight.”

They felt the octoling snuggle a bit closer to them, making herself comfortable as the couple prepared to sleep for the night. She kissed Three’s chin, the only part of their face she could reach in the position she was in, and replied, “I love you much more.”

also available on ao3!

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gay-dorito-dust · 1 year ago

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Could you possibly write headcanons for a relationship with Mizu from The Blue Eyed Samurai? Hope all is well with you!

At first being in a relationship with Mizu was heavily strained for a multitude of reasons but the main one being that the people in Mizu’s life don’t tend to stay for the long run.

Which meant that Mizu was always putting a good deal of distance between the two of you as a way to prevent becoming overly attached to you, in the fear that you wouldn’t last as long either.

They acted like your second shadow with how close they stood near you, especially when in the company of unsavoury and shady individuals. A silent body guard that was about as still as a statue unless a move was made against you with ill intentions.

However thar never stopped Mizu from answering the call they had to protect you when needs be but by the time the threat was eliminated, it was back to pushing you away while keeping conversations you had to a minimum, all in hopes of deterring any and all hope you may have for a connection.

It’s not in a mean way but more so Mizu’s way of protecting you without integrating you into their mess, or be targeted by people who would love nothing more then to hit Mizu where it hurts.

It didn’t matter whether you were associated or not, you were still fair game for them to attempt other forms of capture.

Mizu wants the best for you and that isn’t sticking with them.

This often leads to arguments being had between the two of you because you felt as though Mizu was just trying to get out a relationship with you and doing things without your input on them, whilst Mizu believed you to be stubborn and not fully grasping the threat of being with them had on you and your well-being.

Anyway, enough of that angsty stuff.

Once Mizu gotten use to the fact that you weren’t going away anytime soon and rather serious in being by their side through thick and thin. They would slowly start to open up to you more by starting off small such as;

Shielding you from sight when someone becomes aggressive.

Making sure you don’t get injured and even if you did, no matter how large or small or maybe, Mizu would want to heal it themself and oversee your recovery process personally.

Sitting/ standing closer to you than before.

Or even Brushing off the snow from your clothes before it melts and soaks the clothing.

When Mizu gets even more comfortable within your relationship then they’ll start contemplating on how to enact physical contact but never knowing how. It had been a long while since they last allowed someone to hold their hand never less hold them but Mizu wasn’t quite sure you’d like that sort of affection.

So you’ll probably have to make the first step yourself by showing Mizu that you were more then okay with it by grabbing their hand, interlocking your pinkies together, holding on their arm or even straight up hugging the life out of them after a gruelling fight.

‘Thank god you’re okay.’ You cried into Mizu’s chest, breathing them in as much as you could as though the moment you let Mizu go, they’d disappear.

‘You know I’d always come back to you.’ Mizu told you as they reciprocated the hug despite how it pulled at their wounds but Mizu didn’t care, your health and well-being was something they hold in high regard.

‘I know that but I just can’t help my fear of the day I’ll loose you.’ You told them, pulling away from them a little bit and trying not to smile when Mizu instinctively tightened their grip on you. ‘But I also must remind myself that you’ve proven yourself capable enough to hold your own in a fight on multiple occasions.’ You pressed a tender kiss to Mizu’s cheek, chuckling when you saw their eyes widen at the innocent act.

For someone as powerful and amazing as Mizu, you pride yourself in how you were probably the only one that got to see this side of them. It was an honour to witness a moment that tasted as sweet as it looked.

Mizu meanwhile felt warm throughout their body, enjoying the feeling of you holding them as tightly as you were right now. Were they really this touch starved? Yes. Yes they were. Severely so.

They’d crumble internally during the more intimate moments where your both alone to your own devises. Run your fingertips gently across the scars on their shoulders or across their calloused hands and Mizu will be melting like butter. They felt safe within your hold, they felt as though the didn’t need to be on guard with you near and you felt protected and loved within Mizu’s hold, taking comfort in knowing that nothing could touch you with Mizu nearby.

You felt invincible either with Mizu and Mizu felt cherished. You both fill a void that neither of you thought could ever be filled.

Can and will punch Taigen for flirting with you. Mizu has done it before and isn’t afraid to do it again as extra.

#mizu imagines #mizu blue eye samurai #mizu imagine #mizu x reader #blue eye samurai #blue eye samurai x reader #blue eye samurai imagine #blue eye samurai imagines

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devildomdisaster · 3 years ago

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Idk if you read Lore Olympus but chapter 129 gave me an angsty request idea.

So Persephone, who’s the goddess of spring, goes into a hibernation-like state and when her emotions go out of control, she ends up growing her hair really long and her body sprouts a lot of plants from her; to the point of covering her and whatever area she’s in with her plants.

So I would like to request head cannons of the Brothers reacting to an MC who gets really sad whenever the brothers insult or threaten them and after several weeks of being berated by demons it causes MC to shut down and go to their room but mistakes a comfort spell with a plant curse that causes their hair and plants to grow continuously long. The plants fill up MC’s room and while they would normally be surprised at the mistake, they don’t care any more. They allow the plants to to grow, even wrap around their neck and body, and hopes the curse kills them off before the brothers notice as they go in the “hibernation” stage of the curse (The curse causes the victim to grow a lot of plants and vines from their body until they die, which can take a few days).

I’m sorry for being so long and descriptive, I just wanna see the Bros panic and feel guilty that MC felt pushed to do this to themselves but I understand if you don’t want to do it

I don't read Lore Olympus but you described the situation really well so I hope this is something close to what you wanted.

Comfort spell gone wrong

Lately, nothing seemed to be good enough for the demons. No matter what you did one of them would find something to berate you for.

“Mc, your grades are subpar even for an exchange student. You’ll have to try harder in order to not be a disappointment to Diavolo and myself.” Lucifer warned over breakfast.

“Mc, you burned dinner. You should learn to be a better cook.” Beel grumbled. As if you had ever seen any of these ingredients before ending up in the Devildom.

Even Mammon seemed to be in a particularly unpleasant mood. A never-ending string of complaints about how hard it is to protect an ordinary human. “Geez, you’re such a hassle human.”

Taking refuge in the library to study and to give Mammon a break from you proved disastrous and nearly deadly. Somehow you’d managed to spill your cup of tea all over an old somewhat rare text after Asmo had barged in and startled you. Your string of bad luck continued when Satan rounded the corner and saw the soggy tea-stained pages you’d been trying to decipher. In his fit of rage, he’d called you several unpleasant names and asked if you were “capable of doing anything right or if all humans are as stupid as you?” You’d left as quickly as you were able to avoid any more of his wrath.

No matter where you went you kept walking in on Belphie napping and without fail he’d say something nasty to you, that would make tears burn the backs of your eyes.

Levi had angrily called you a “useless normie,” who he wished would “never come back.” and had pushed you from his room with a slam of his door.

Even Asmo who usually just ignored you when he was upset found every reason imaginable to critique your every aspect. Physical and personality. Not a single one of which made you feel any more than worthless.

So was it any wonder when at the end of a long week you’d locked yourself in your room and decided to try that comfort spell you’d heard Solomon talking about? It seemed simple enough. But then your tears had blurred your vision as you’d recited the words and your Latin was still shaky at best. But it was just a few lines! And there was no way you were going to go to one of the brothers for comfort when they had seemed perfectly happy to make you miserable for the last few weeks.

You’d read the spell aloud and curled up hoping that the spell would kick in and you’d feel even just the slightest bit better. The blinding green light and sudden drop in energy was the first and only warning the spell had gone wrong. But being new to magic meant it still sapped your energy, so you didn’t stop to think something might be wrong. By the time you realized what was happening, everything was out of control. Plants had begun to sprout from your skin and the floor around you, growing and growing. With each inch they grew you felt your exhaustion creep up and consume you. You were just so tired. Your eyes fluttered closed. This was wrong! You forced your eyes open again. You need to fix this. The spell! But a short nap wouldn’t hurt, would it? You’d have more energy after you woke up. Then you could go get one of the brothers. Satan would know how to fix this. Or Lucifer! He’d clean the spell up easily. Yes, after you woke up…

Lucifer hadn’t seen you all weekend. He figures you’re most likely studying. But you don’t show up for meals and none of his brothers have seen you either… and oh Diavolo! He can feel the spell from the dining room. How did he not notice sooner? The cold pulling sensation of the spell, like it was sucking the warmth and life from its surroundings.

When Lucifer reaches your door Mammon is already there. Knocking and shouting for you, but there's no answer. He all but breaks your door down, his brothers behind him, and finds you at the center of the spell. Unresponsive and covered in the plants using your energy to grow. The plants had begun climbing up the walls and twisting through your hair, sending out snow-white flowers.

“Beel! Don’t!” Lucifer warns as Beel reaches out to pull a handful of plants from you. “We don’t know what did this and what will happen to Mc if we just rip the spell off like that.”

“Lucifer, Mc did this to themself,” Satan points to the open spellbook. “It looks like they got a comfort spell mixed up.”

Fortunately, your last tired thoughts were correct and Lucifer is able to break the spell quickly. You wake surrounded by the brothers.

Lucifer:

All this happened for a comfort spell? Because you didn’t feel like you could come to him, to any of them?

He’s so sorry Mc. Enough that as he leans down to pick you up out of the mess of withering plants you can feel tears fall onto your face.

“Nothing I did was good enough for you Lucifer. Any of you. I just wanted to feel… I just wanted-”

His heart breaks when he realizes this is his brother’s fault, his fault. “You are always good enough, Mc. Much more than I could ever ask you to be, and if I ever made you feel like you weren't. No, the fact that I made you feel like you weren’t, means I have been truly terrible.”

You’re choking back your own tears now and you curl further into his arms as he carries you down the hall. “You said I was a disappointment.”

“My dear Mc, you have never been, nor could you ever be a disappointment to me. Forgive me for ever making you feel as if you were.”

Lucifer takes you to his bathroom and draws you a bath to wash away the last of the plant matter from your body.

Afterward, he’ll bring you anything you ask for. He wants to wrap you in his arms but doesn’t want to push you, so he asks softly if he can hold you.

He’ll spend weeks trying to make this up to you, even after you forgive him, he’ll be sure to tell you how much he loves you more often than he did before.

Mammon:

Shit human! Why didn’t you come to him? He loves you so much and oh. He made you feel like a burden.

How could he be so stupid when he knows how his brothers make him feel?

Mammon begs for your forgiveness in front of all his brothers.

“Please can ya forgive me? I never meant to make ya feel like a burden. You're the only human I- I want to protect you Mc. I’m so sorry.”

Mammon helps you up and since your room is covered in plants he offers to let you sleep in his room for the night.

He wraps you in blankets and brushes the hair from your face with trembling fingertips.

There are still a few stubborn leaves sticking to your face and in your hair so Mammon takes a warm washcloth and wipes them from your face before gently untangling the plants from your hair.

You’ll be getting little gifts and tokens of mammon’s affections for the foreseeable future.

Levi:

He threw you out of his room when you came to him for comfort and the guilt at seeing you almost die because of it is eating him alive.

He feels frozen

Maybe you would be better off without an otaku shut-in like him. He starts avoiding you like the plague.

You start to think that Levi is so disgusted with the fact that you did that spell that he doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore.

Despite this Levi still checks up on you. He wants to know that you are ok, he just does it without you knowing.

He’ll ask his brothers about you and discreetly glance at you during meals to make sure you’re eating enough and look healthy.

A few days later when your favorite and manga anime start showing up outside your door you confront Levi. “Are you mad at me? Do you just not want to be around me after what happened? Levi, I miss you!”

He is shook, and he can’t believe he messed up so badly.

He’s happy that he can invite you to hang out again, and he makes sure to spend long nights gaming or watching movies with you until you fall asleep against him. He’ll even stutter out how much he treasures his time with you, blushing fiercely all the while.

Satan:

Satan feels anger swell up inside him. How could he have let this happen? How could no one have seen how upset you were?

Once the spell has been dissolved he is at your side instantly. Brushing vines from your skin. His fingers are shaking in anger but his touch is so gentle.

When both you and your room are cleaned up Satan sits at your bedside, book in hand, reading to you.

He just wants to be close to you now. He wants you to know how much he cares about you but is still too worked up to get his thoughts out properly.

Eventually, his thoughts calm and he stops reading in the middle of a sentence. “Mc, I am so sorry. I never meant to make you feel unwanted. Every day I spend with you is infinitely better than a day without you. I know the spell was a mistake but… we almost lost you. I almost lost you.”

He wants to talk about what pushed you to do this. He won’t push but he really does think that he will be better able to help you if he understands.

Satan makes sure to spend more time with you from now on. He makes a conscious effort to check his temper at the door and be with you when you need him.

Sometimes he’ll just read to you until one of you confides in the other in quiet voices.

Asmo:

As you blink your eyes open Asmo gently brushes some plants from your cheek.

You are so pale and his heart breaks as you flinch away from him. You feel like a mess and you know you must look like one too so curl your body away from him trying to hide. Trying to avoid his critical gaze.

This is the moment Asmo knows he screwed up.

He draws his hand back, for a moment, before reaching out to you again. Cupping your cheek and wiping your tears away with perfectly manicured hands.

Lucifer has him take you to his bathroom to clean up while the rest of the brothers work to clear the plants from your room.

Asmo is quiet for a long while as he untangles plants from your hair.

“You’re so loved, Mc,” he says softly. “You are.” he insists when you shake your head no.

“More than you could ever know, and it’s our fault for not telling you. My fault for not making you feel worthy.”

After this incident, Asmo wants to make sure you know how beautiful you are. He starts self-care days once a week that soon turn into whole family affairs. Each week different combinations of his brother attend and you all work to pamper each other.

Asmo makes sure nothing like this happens again, he never wants to be part of the reason you feel unloved ever again.

Beel:

At first, Beel thinks you did this on purpose. Once the brothers realize you messed up the spell he is less angry but no less distraught.

Once you wake up, he wants to take you to get desserts. He’s heard humans eat Chocolate/ other sweets to feel better. And this makes sense to him, food does make everything better.

But you don’t want to go to Madam Screams or the kitchen to make your own. You’re still so tired. Not to mention embarrassed that you screwed the spell up this bad.

And now they are all staring at you like they care so much when none of them had any time to notice how they were making you feel before.

When you become unresponsive to the brother’s questions and apologies Beel scoops you up in his arms and walks away with you.

Something about the way he holds you close to his chest and his warmth causes you to finally let go.

You bury your face in his shirt to muffle your crying.

“I just… I felt so alone! And… I...but no one” you gasp out shakily between sobs.

Beel soothes you with soft murmuring as he gently cards his fingers through your hair and strokes down your back.

Once your crying quiets he starts to speak “Don’t do that again. You can always come to me Mc. I’m so sorry you felt like you couldn’t”

Belphie:

Belphie thinks it’s a joke at first. “Man, how could they mess up this bad?”

Then he sees Lucifer’s panicked expression and it hits him how serious this is.

Belphie is immediately by your side. Hands frantically feeling your wrist for a pulse.

After Lucifer breaks the spell and your eyes flutter open Belphie is filled with relief until a wave of guilt washes through him.

He can’t believe he fucked up so badly again. Sure this time he didn’t directly cause you physical harm, but he did play a role in causing you to almost die again.

“I am so very sorry Mc, I never meant to hurt you.”

He does everything he can think of to make it up to you. Anything you ask him for, as long as it’s within his power, is yours. No questions asked.

He asks permission just to hold your hand for weeks afterward as if he thinks you’ll come to your senses and decide you don’t want anything to do with him.

He wants to comfort you so bad.

To make sure you don’t feel like this again Belphie pulls you away to nap with him as often as he can get away with it. Most likely only a few times a week (much less often than he would like). Sometimes he uses this time just to talk with you. Others you really do nap, and Belphie curls himself around you. Occasionally he enters your dreams while you nap together to make sure no nightmares can touch you.

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winter-soldier-vibes · 3 years ago

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avenger!reader who suffers from depression and is really hard on herself/themself and blames themself after a mission went wrong and locks themselves out, bucky is worried abt them and comforts them

Bucky Barnes x reader

Word count:3102 (wow I went off the rails a bit huh 😅)

Warnings: self-blame, mentions of death, nightmares, panic attacks, breakdown, lots of tears, this one’s really angsty, flashbacks, some fluff/comfort but so much angst

A/N: I loved this request and had a great time writing it. This one’s a lil more angsty than I usually do and deals with some heavier themes than some of my other ones, so please take care of yourself and heed the warnings. I love you guys so much!

There was nothing you could have done.

You were the first off the quinjet, anxious to get out of the unbearable silence.

You kept your head down as you walked quickly to your room, trying to make as little noise as possible, stumbling to get into your room as fast as possible, locking the door behind you as you let the tears fall.

You looked up at the ceiling, trying to stave off your breakdown as you tried to keep taking even breaths.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” you said in a small voice.

“Yes?” the AI responded.

You took a shaky breath, trying to keep your voice even. “Turn on soundproofing, please.”

“As you wish. I am picking up on signs of distress, would you like me to call Sergeant Barnes?”

You shook your head violently at the thought of anyone, especially your boyfriend seeing you like this. “No.”

“Are you sure? Would you like me to call -”

“Don’t let anyone in this room.”

“As you wish, Y/n.”

You heard a noise indicating that the room had been soundproofed.

And you lost it.

You brought a hand to your face and sank back against the wall, shoulders shaking with the force of your sobs. You pushed yourself back against the wall, trying to ground yourself. Your mind flashed back to the mission you had just returned from and you let out an agonizing scream.

You’ll never forget the looks on their faces.

“Y/n, come on we have to go!”

“Wait - no I almost have them!”

“Help us - please - no don’t go!”

Blood curdling screams that didn’t belong to you, followed by your own.

A building had collapsed on an innocent family in the aftermath of the fight. You tried to get them out, but you were too late, Steve pulling you away at the last second before you were taken out too.

You were so angry, you had been so close - if you had seen them sooner, if you had just a few more seconds, maybe you could’ve gotten them out.

The last thing that they saw was their only hope being pulled away from them before being suffocated.

You were the last thing they saw, you had promised to get them out.

And you had lied to them.

The last thing they felt was hope that they’d see another day. No - the last thing they felt was betrayal and fear when they realized that one of the world’s greatest heroes couldn’t be their hero too.

The moments that had followed were a blur, your eyes frozen on where their eyes had been, shock coursing through your veins. You had seen someone die before but...not like that. Not when you could’ve maybe saved them.

The shock quickly bubbled into anger as you turned to Steve.

“Why the FUCK would you do that? I could’ve saved them!”

“You would’ve died Y/n!”

“If you hadn’t been distracting me then maybe I would’ve gotten them out in time!”

You had angry tears in your eyes, hitting Steve’s chest and doing exactly nothing to his broad form while he tried to console you.

“Get the fuck away from me! I could’ve saved them, this is YOUR fault.”

The ride back was silent. No one dared to talk to you about what had happened. You felt bad after a while but you couldn’t apologize without completely crumbling. If you opened your mouth you were certain that sobs would come rather than words.

You did feel horrible for what you said, because it wasn’t true. It wasn’t Steve’s fault.

It was yours.

So you waited until you returned to the privacy of your room, screaming bloody murder over the guilt you felt. Replaying what had happened, telling yourself everywhere you had gone wrong, every hesitation that could’ve given you an extra few seconds.

You felt like you’d never stop seeing their eyes, paralyzed by fear.

You were the last thing they saw, and now you would remember their last moment for the rest of yours.

You couldn’t imagine the amount of pain and fear they had felt when they realized they weren’t getting out of the rubble alive. That they would die as a part of a warzone they didn’t intend to be a part of. The feeling of hope draining from their bodies, blood running cold as they realized they had mere seconds left.

“No!” you screamed at the top of your lungs, body curling in on itself as you drew your knees in and wrapped your arms around your torso, sick to your stomach.

This was your fault, and you would never forget it.

---

The rest of the team had sighed as they watched you get off the quinjet, walking a bit too fast to be alright. They shared concerned looks with each other, watching your form disappear into the compound.

You weren’t okay, but after what had happened when Steve tried to approach you, they thought it best to give you some space.

The rest of them entered the compound, going their separate ways as Steve sat to down and ran a hand down his face, trying to get his mind off of what had happened. He was shaken up too, but he couldn’t lose you like that. You would die protecting strangers, and while he thought that was noble, he wondered when there wouldn’t be someone to pull you out in time.

Bucky had come down to check on you, knowing that the team had gotten back from a mission. But before he could knock on the door, F.R.I.D.A.Y. spoke. “Sergeant Barnes, Y/n has requested that she not be disturbed.”

Bucky furrowed his eyebrows, both in concern and confusion. Usually when a mission hit you hard, you would talk to him about what had happened. So either you were just tired, or this was worse than it had ever been.

He clenched his jaw and stood there for another few moments before he walked away, heading towards anyone who may be able to tell him what happened on the mission.

He came into the common room, seeing Steve doing a mission report. Well - the mission report was in front of him and he was staring blankly at it.

“Steve?” Bucky said softly, trying not to startle him.

Steve didn’t look up.

“Steve,” Bucky said a little louder.

Steve looked up from the papers, shaking his head slightly. “Hey, Buck. What’s up?”

“Are you okay?” Bucky asked, taking in Steve’s tired appearance and how his mind seemed elsewhere.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Steve said, barely looking at Bucky.

“You know, I’ve taken care of enough black eyes from mister back-alley hero to know when you’re not really fine.” Bucky said with a small smirk.

Steve’s eyes flicked up to Bucky’s as he sighed. “It’s not me you should be worried about,” he muttered.

“What happened?” Bucky asked.

Steve recounted the mission to his friend, Bucky getting increasingly concerned about you. He knew you had a tendency to blame yourself for different things, and he knew what blaming yourself for someone’s death was like, even if you couldn’t control the situation.

Bucky was brainwashed. You were too late. Two different things, but the survivor's guilt was excruciating.

“Is she okay?” Bucky asked nervously.

“She didn’t get hurt, if that’s what you mean,” Steve started, “but she seemed pretty shaken up. You haven’t talked to her?”

“She doesn’t want to be bothered,” Bucky said.

Steve nodded. “Just give her some time,” he said, worriedly.

Bucky nodded, though unconvinced. He bottled up his emotions until the two of you met. Ever since the two of you never kept anything from each other. And he knew that seeing someone die and feeling at fault for it could destroy you. He wasn’t sure if time and space was what you needed.

But it was what you wanted right now. So he wouldn’t get in the way.

----

Back in your room you were curled in a ball on the floor, sobs wracking your body as you lost all sense of time and space and all you knew was it hurt and if you closed your eyes they were right there and you couldn’t do anything about it. You had a hand pressed to your chest as you tried to breathe but eventually gave way to a new surge of agony when your mind went back to how people died and you couldn’t help them.

You tried to calm down but then your mind would remind you that they had a family and they would never see them again and it was your fault.

“Stop, please just stop,” you put your hands over your ears as you tugged slightly on your hair.

They died terrified.

“Please make it stop,” you sobbed.

You were supposed to help them and you failed.

“No, God, please stop…”

They died because of you

----

You had fallen asleep on the floor at some point, when, you weren’t sure, but you woke up to your own screams. You were drenched in a cold sweat, dried tears on your face and chest heaving as you tried to breathe. You brought your hands to your mouth when you realized it was just a dream, sobbing once again.

You didn’t know why these people’s death was hitting you harder than any other death you had seen. This wasn’t the first time you had seen people die - far from it. You’d killed your fair share of agents without a hint at remorse. Because they deserved it.

You’d seen buildings burn down, fall apart, innocent people die - but you’d never felt as responsible as you did this time. Because they were right there. And you were so close.

But they still died and you saw their last moments. And you were theirs.

And it was destroying you.

----

You didn’t leave your room the following day. Or the day after that.

Needless to say, the team was extremely worried about you. Especially Bucky.

He knew what survivor’s guilt could do to a person, and he knew being alone with your thoughts wasn’t helping. He also knew that pushing the topic could do much more harm than good, causing you to retreat further into yourself.

He tried texting you, wanting to let you know that he was there for you, that he was worried about you, and that he loved you.

None of them went though because your phone was off, you having not even looked at it since coming back from the mission.

F.R.I.D.A.Y. was still telling everyone that you did not want to be disturbed, as you had requested. Obviously Tony had the power to override the locks, but again, no one wanted to push you.

When it had been 3 days since you had seen any sunlight, Bucky had had enough. He knew you couldn’t be taking proper care of yourself and he couldn’t let you do that to yourself. He had Tony override your locks and he came to your door, knocking gently.

“Y/n?”

Silence.

He knocked again, a little louder. “Y/n? I’m coming in, alright?”

Silence.

Bucky took a deep breath before he opened your door slowly, peeking his head in. it was the middle of the afternoon and your room was dark, the only light coming from the hallway and from the cracks between the shades, which were drawn shut.

Bucky let himself in and turned on a lamp, shutting the door behind him. He looked at you with worried eyes as he took in your appearance.

You were pressed up against the headboard of your bed, knees drawn to your chest as you stared blankly, your eyes fixated on your bedsheets. Your eyes were red, face blotchy, your hair was a mess and you were still wearing your uniform from the mission.

“You shouldn’t be here,” you said quietly, voice raspy from yelling these past few days.

“Y/n -”

“Get out,” you said quietly, though not angrily.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, y/n.”

“Please,” you said, cursing yourself as your voice cracked. You didn’t want to breakdown in front of Bucky.

“It’s not your fault, y/n.”

You pushed yourself off of the bed, shaking your head. “I’m not doing this right now, Bucky.”

“You’re going to have to talk about it at some point, y/n.”

“Not if I can help it.”

“This kind of thing isn’t going to go away, okay? Time heals but not by itself.” You weren’t listening as you ran a hand over your face, overwhelmed.

“Please, talk to me y/n. You’re going to make yourself sick.”

“I’m fine.”

“This isn’t fine. Not taking care of yourself and living in the dark staring at the wall isn’t fine, y/n. Please, don’t hide from me. It’s just me, y/n.”

You shook your head, eyes glazed over like glass. “I could’ve saved them.” you said simply.

“Y/n, there was nothing -”

“BULLSHIT!” You yelled. “There had to have been something I could do, if I had gotten there earlier or - or if I had moved faster or been stronger then I could’ve gotten them out! It’s my fault they’re dead okay? I couldn’t save them and that’s my fault!”

Bucky walked over to you slowly, asking you to look at him. “It isn’t your fault, y/n. The building collapsed, no one could’ve gotten them out.”

“I could have saved them.” you said again, tears falling down your face. “I could have gotten them out. I was the last thing they saw and you know what I was doing? Being carried away like some coward. They died afraid because a superhero couldn’t save them. And that’s on me.”

Bucky shook his head slightly. “You can’t save everyone, y/n.”

“So what, am I supposed to choose? I’m supposed to choose whether I save people or move on because they aren’t part of the mission? Am I supposed to let them die?” you asked incredulously.

“You can’t risk your own life like that, y/n.”

“What? And pretend like my life is any more important than theirs?!” you exclaimed.

“Y/n -”

“No, why do I have the right to walk away from people because I’m afraid of getting hurt when they’re about to die? What gives me that right?”

“Because I can’t lose you!” Bucky exclaimed. “Yes, those people matter, but goddamn it y/n, you have helped so many people and you will keep saving so many people, but you can’t do that if you’re dead. We help who we can and mourn the rest. It’s not your fault that those people died. There was nothing that you could have done.”

“But if I had a few more seconds -”

“The building still would have fallen and you’d be asking yourself for a few more seconds. There is nothing you or anyone else could’ve done.”

You stayed silent, more tears falling from your eyes. Bucky pulled you in for a hug as your shoulders started to shake with more sobs. “I know it doesn’t make it hurt any less, but it’s not your fault.”

“I can’t stop seeing the look they had on their faces,” you shook your head. “Everytime I try to sleep I see them and I can’t make it go away. And I want to forget but I don’t deserve to and it hurts but I don’t deserve to forget.”

“I know, I know,” Bucky said, knowing all too well what being haunted by the fear on someone’s face was like. “But it’s not your fault. You didn’t let them die, y/n. You would’ve given anything to save them, if Steve hadn’t pulled you away you would’ve died with them. You didn’t run away even though you knew you would die if you stayed. You do know that right?”

“I don’t care.”

“I don’t think you mean that,” Bucky said softly. You felt new tears fall from your eyes as you hid your face into Bucky’s chest.

“You can’t tell me that nothing could be done. You can’t tell me that innocent people were going to die and that’s the way it has to be. That isn’t fair,” you spoke through your tears.

Bucky pulled back to wipe the tears from your face and look you in the eyes. “They were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and you did everything in your power to save them. It’s not your fault that you got there too late. Those HYDRA agents who destroyed the city - it’s their fault. Not yours.”

“I’m supposed to protect people,” you said as you shrugged and shook your head slightly. “If I can’t do that then what am I?”

“A person who is trying their best. You don’t always have to be everyone’s hero. You don’t have to take responsibility for everyone, that’s too much to expect of anyone. It’s not your responsibility to save everyone because you can’t. But you’ve saved so many people that would’ve died if you weren’t there. You are so important, but you have to stay alive to help more people.”

You took a shaky breath. “Those people were going to die no matter what,” you whispered, more to yourself than to Bucky. Your chest tightened again and you felt sick. “Oh my God,” you said, the acceptance of the fact brought on a new wave of emotions as your knees felt weak.

Bucky pulled you back into his chest again, rubbing a hand up and down your back. “It’s not your fault, y/n.”

“Then why does it hurt so much?” you sobbed against his chest.

“Because you have a good heart.”

You shook your head against his chest. “I don’t want one if it means it’s going to hurt this much.”

“It’s okay, y/n. It’s gonna be okay, I’ve got you.”

“Please make it stop. I don’t want it to hurt anymore.”

Bucky felt tears sting his own eyes at your pain, holding you tighter against him. He cleared his throat before saying “I can’t make it go away. But I’m here to hold you and do everything I can to make it better. I’m not going anywhere y/n.”

He held you against his chest, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I’m not going anywhere.”

--------

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saphirered · 3 years ago

Note

Hi Saph! I’m only resubmitting in case my request was one of the ones that got deleted! I’m so sorry if this winds up being a duplicate though, I promise I didn’t mean to. Anyways! I was wondering if you’d do a Don't Leave Me/Snow White kinda thing for the C3 or ExU cast since you did them for the C1 and C2 casts? They were both some stellar pieces of fanfic!

Thank you for resubmitting! I went with the C3 bunch so I hope you like the way it turned out! 😘

(Ashton)

Fuck. Ashton is about ready to go on a path of vengeance and do something incredibly fucking stupid. It’s no secret that when you’re in the line of work he is, and you are you make some enemies and need to watch your back at times. The shitty side of that is that sometimes people way above your head get involved. You’d been hunted. You’d run. You’d done a fucking good job too. But in the end they managed to get you good a few times. A couple of arrows aren’t exactly the greatest when you’re the one being used as a humanoid quiver. Ashtons still doesn’t know how you found your way to their doorstep. You’d collapsed then and there and the crook house was enlisted to fix you up again.

Ashton sat around, plotting, tapping into all his resources and connections to find out who had done this to you. Most came up empty but some got them some good leads. Your condition worsened. Focus had to be on you. Ashton couldn’t rely on anyone else. You’d come to them after all, not anyone else. It’s the bare minimum he could do. He stayed by your side. If people wanted to hurt or kill you they might just come back and you left a trail of blood. You need someone to watch over you while you recover. You’d done it for them a thousand times over, now they get to return the favour.

The silent solitude of a singular never-changing room is not one Ashton copes well with. While the others do come by to check up on the both of you they can’t stay long. These guests do little for Ashton’s sanity and they’re getting antsy. So of course, like any sane person would they start talking to themself.

“It’s not fair. I always thought I’d be the one to end up here within an inch of my fucking life… again. Remind me to never do this again. It sucks and now I kinda know how you feel every time I fuck up bad.” Ashton grumbles setting their hammer down by the side table and taking up the chair, plate of food in hand. He takes the chair at your bedside , legs crossed at the ankles leaning on the bed taking little bites of whatever food Milo handed over.

“Leave it to me to care a little too much. You always say to never mix work and feelings but with someone as likeable as you; that’s fucking impossible.” Ashton grumbles putting the plate on the side table crossing their arms and leaning on the back legs of the chair.

“I say fuck that rule. When you’re back on your feet we’re going to break into the best place we can find and go shopping. Nothing screams love and affection like a good heist.” Ashton laughs to themself. “Or maybe you’d prefer some nice dinner some place fancy?”

“I don’t know about you but both sound pretty neat. It’s a date.” You groan. You hadn’t spoken in days so this response comes as a surprise to Ashton. So much so, Ashton falls backwards from the chair onto the grounds and like a good fellow ruffian you burst out in laughter. The genasi can’t blame you. It’s pretty fucking funny.

————

(Orym)

He wasn’t fast enough. Orym wasn’t fast enough. His entire life spent training to protect the people he cared about and he failed that very task when it mattered most. Orym is no stranger to casualties in battle but he can’t stop blaming himself, can’t stop repeating the hundreds of ways; if he had only done this one thing differently then maybe you would’t be laying on a bed being crowded by the healers attempting to save you.

You couldn’t get out of the way. The creature struck before you could take cover, its claws cutting through your skin like butter. Deep nasty wounds left in its wake started to fester the moment your body hit the ground, poison spreading. The group’s healers were on it, attempting to get you back to your feet and while you had regained consciousness for a brief second that was it. The bleeding stopped but that was the most they could do for you, so with all gold Orym still had, the others chipping in, they brought your body to more advanced healers. Upon arrival they got to work, sending the others away but Orym insisted on staying behind, making sure not to get in the way. He’d be damned if he let you out of his sight.

It didn’t help when the healers shared worried glances. They patched you up, working their magic, bringing ointments, poultices and the likes but the tension in the room was making him sick. Once they were done one of them came over to him, informing him that they’d done all they could. It was up to you now if you’d fight through or pass on into the embrace of the Matron of Death. So like a guardian he’d watch over you, guide you back to this world.

“We haven’t seen much of the world yet like you promised we would. You never break your promises. Don’t start now.” Orym’s fingers lace with yours. It’s so foreign to not feel yours curl into his in response. He tries to smile, even if you can’t see it, but that smile just ends up as a pained frown. Is this what the Voice of the Tempest felt like when she was faced with the loss of her lover? Never has loss felt this real, this deep and if he’s honest he could go without it for the rest of his life.

“Please, just tell me you’re not done yet. I need you here with me. I need you at my side so we can brave this brand new world together. Just-please.” Orym bows, pressing the back of your hand enclosed between his to his forehead in a silent promise, a silent prayer to whoever is watching, you’ll find your way back here. The winds can’t carry you away just yet. He stays like that and listens. Listens to the healers moving about, other patients in the distance, even the city outside. He waits and he listens.

Then… A sharp intake of breath, muscles tensing, that familiar grip responding. Orym looks up and meets your eyes; wide and disoriented until they land on him and calm. You smile, pull your hand still between his towards yourself and grasp back when Orym is about to let go. You turn your enclosed hand and kiss the back of his holding it to your chest, afraid to let go, afraid to slip away on the winds. Your journey isn’t over yet.

————

(Imogen)

Nightmares haunted her sleep and Imogen knew something was wrong. She saw you, at the edge of a storm, your hair and clothes blowing violently in the wind, your eyes pained, tears streaming down your face. You had one hand clutched to your chest while the other stretched out towards her. Imogen got the urge to run towards you. Something about you read as lost and frightened and she wanted nothing more than to make you feel safe and at home. When she reached you, reached for your outstretched hand her fingers passed through, and your shape turned to dust slowly, carried away by the wind. Pain ran through her when she woke up, released from whatever hellscape that dream brought her. But then the feeling didn’t go away…

Imogen couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong so she went to find you. She knew you had stayed up late and since you weren’t back in the room she decided to investigate, that feeling of dread growing heavier and heavier with each step down the hall. And then she found you, sound asleep on the couch. Your face turned to the back of the couch, the blanket you had tossed over yourself, slipping off your shoulders. Imogen expected to be able to breathe again but no. She stepped closer and then she saw it, some reddish-purple energy pulsed through your veins and your form was deadly still, unmoving, unresponsive.

Nothing seemed to wake you. Shaking you didn’t do a damn thing. Calling your name didn’t either. No usual means of waking up a person worked. She’d even thrown a glass of icy cold water in your face but nothing happened. So afraid she might lose you, she also didn’t want to leave your side, so she sat down on the ground, holding your hand, the only tangible proof of life detectible through the pulse at your wrist. At the very least that was a relief.

“Please tell me you’ll be alright. Tell me this is just some freak accident. Please, tell me this isn’t my fault or I might not be able to forgive myself. I need you to wake up for me. I need you here. I can’t do this on my own.” Usually you wouldn’t miss a beat with a response so the quiet that followed was plain torture. Imogen takes a deep shaky breath holding onto your hand tightly as if it’s a lifeline, be that for you slipping away or her reminding herself she’s here, with you, and this is real, however terrible; this is real. She lets the silence take hold, her mind wandering what might have caused this, is causing this and she’s loosing hope.

“Come what may, if you can hear me or not, just know that- that sounds stupid. You probably can’t hear me.” Imogen snorts stopping herself from saying what she was going to, as she rubs her eye, catching the tear she didn’t notice was there. Had she been crying? In a final attempt to get her message to you she tries to connect to your mind. It’s completely foreign when she doesn’t feel the connection take hold fully, yet still there.

‘I love you.’ The words echo through her own mind as much as she tries to send it into yours. Every second feels like an eternity and hope wavers but then something tightens in her grip, slowly. little by little the connection grows stronger. A shaky breath, this time not hers sounds and your eyes open. You look worse for wear but alive. Imogen stifles a gasp as you sit up, your head spinning and throw your arms around her.

“I love you too.” You whisper into her shoulder. Not even you know what happened or why but when you heard the lilac haired girl’s voice in your mind, it had been as much of a lifeline to you as you had been to her keeping the thoughts of others out.

————

(Fearne)

And so it’s once again confirmed that not all fey are as nice as Fearne and her grandmother. The one you got faced with did not take a liking to you, if anything it became a downright feud against you. You’d done nothing wrong. Not necessarily. If anything you’d been on your best behaviour but it wasn’t enough. You were an easy target, someone to be messed with, used as a tool in a bigger ploy and for this fact alone you’d pay the price. Despite what certain individuals may claim, plenty of fey love the theatre; especially the over the top dramatics and this particular fey, wanted you to play the lead role in a tragedy…

Your unmoving body lies beautifully on a bed of flowers, a crown of them braided around your head made from similar ones to Fearne’s. Call it what you want but it is poetic; a crown of poisonous flowers. You are dressed in the finest fashions money can buy, your hands clasped over your abdomen and the expression on your face is a peaceful one. It’s almost like you’re just sleeping. That is what Little Mister seems to think too as the monkey jumps up on the bed and begins pulling at your hands, though they don’t budge, so instead he comes for your hair but still no effect. He even tries to open your eyes but nothing. It’s like you’re in stasis; perfectly preserved. Fearne, at first let Mister run wild in the hopes he’d wake you from your slumber but when that proved futile she did tell him to stop. She can’t blame the monkey for trying but enough’s enough.

Little Mister is quite perceptive when it comes to his momma and sees the sadness you in your state brings her. He knows he can’t cheer her up because he feels very much the same but he does hold her hand as Fearne traces her fingers over your features, as if ingraining them into her memory. Like she is savouring every last one; the way you look, the feel of her fingers against your skin, but more than anything she wanted to see your eyes. They’re always so full of mischief, so alive and when you smile at her, or scold her for stealing, she loves that little half grin when you’re proud of her. She’ll see it again. She will make sure of it.

“I don’t really know what to say. The others said it might help but I don’t know.” Mister pulls her hair. “Anyway, I just want you to know everything will be alright. I am going to make this right. My grandmother always said there’s one thing you should never do when it comes to people where I’m from but for you I will take that risk. I’m going to strike a deal with the one who did this to you. You’ll be back on your feet on no time.” Fearne plays nervously with a lock of her own hair, plucking a flower from it. She kisses the petals before she lays it on your clasped hands. Then she leans in and kisses your forehead gently.

Feeling returns to your fingers, to your body and you’re back from the dreamworld you were stuck in. You feel soft petals against the back of your hand and out of instinct clasp the flower. Then you feel soft lips against your brow. Your eyes open and meet stare back at the faun in front of you. She looks happy. Happy is good.

————

(Fresh Cut Grass)

Fresh Cut Grass never really experienced loss since the incident and even then it’s vague because they only grasped the situation when Ashton found them. It wasn’t as direct. Then came you. You were always so chipper and friendly and simply just a joy to be around for them. You always managed to lighten the mood, especially when people needed it most. Your compassion was admirable and FCG saw you as an inspiration, a beacon in the void, always offering solace to those in need. Always chipper that’s why it came as a surprise when you approached FCG for something to help you sleep better. You’d been suffering terrible nightmares, to the point where you’d wake up screaming. You never told them what those nightmares contained but Letters did catch on you were hiding your exposed skin from anyone who could see right after. Eventually you felt safe enough to confide in the automaton and many nights were spent just talking after you’d wake up screaming once more.

One night Fresh Cut Grass had remained with Ashton, following up on some gambling before dragging the genasi to their room. Along the way he heard your scream but it was cut short. Quickly putting Ashton to bed FCG rushed over to your room. Knocking did nothing and while he didn’t want to intrude, you did state previously they’d always be welcome so with that in mind FCG wheeled in, seeing you seated against the headboard, curled up clutching something to your chest. You didn’t seem to notice him entering. You just stared to the other side of the room. FCG looked to where you were staring at and it was the open window which he ignored the moment he saw the stained red spot growing, dripping onto the sheets. Your hands clutched over the wound had already lost strength but there was barely a breath present still; hope still.

Knowing there’s no time to lose, FCG casts a quick healing spell and while it helps close the wound, there’s something else. Unlike any previous times healing you or your companions, you’d always been right back to yourselves, maybe a bit haggard or tired but never like this. He worries for you. Calling your name doesn’t seem to earn a response. It’s almost like you’re stuck in your own mind; just like the nightmares the two of you talked about for hours on end. FCG knows how completely and utterly terrified you are of those nightmares.

“Everything will be okay. You’ll be back in no time. Now don’t be scared. I’m right here. You’re safe.” FCG goes through all resources at their disposal, casting spell after spell to fix what’s wrong. “You had me scared right there. In the future maybe try and avoid dying because if this is what true sadness and loss feels like, I don’t know if I want to feel that again.” Little by little with each casting of a spell you do improve; colour returns to your cheeks, your eyes focus on movement, and though you stay quiet, eventually you get out of your curled up state and wrap your arms around FCG, holding them tight.

Fresh Cut Grass’ insides feel as if he’s holding another can of coffee or tea again. He wonders if maybe some was left from the last stash he kept for Fearne but then is reminded it’s gone. Analysing what it is, they realise it’s not some warm beverage. This is what it feels like to be wanted, admired, respected, a sense of safety and security. This is what it feels like when you mean the world to someone and that someone does to you. That’s a feeling he can get behind.

————

(Laudna)

This must have been a death Laudna could not turn into something chipper. There were no comment about how absolutely dreadful this passing of a living thing was with her usual attitude. For the first time in a long time the death of another truly hurt her. She’d always been able to let go easily, completely detached from common grief. Death is just part of life but now finally she gets why people aren’t as… well, gloomy and sad when it comes to the passing of a loved one. You hadn’t supposed to meet your end. Not yet. You hadn’t even lived a long and fruitful life. You still had so much ahead of you and Laudna feels sad that what you two had planned, the grand things you talked about wanting to do, you wouldn’t be able to accomplish.

They had brought your body back, to be readied for proper burial. Laudna had taken some moments alone. She’d tied some of the ribbon she uses in her crafts around your wrist; a little reminder of her you hopefully got to take with you into the afterlife. She’d cut a lock of your hair from amidst the strands where it wouldn’t be visible and went to work creating a little puppet of you. She tried to mimic your voice, your behaviour and while in her opinion she got pretty close, it just wasn’t the same. She’d rather have you here than the doll she made.

With these feelings arising, the voice of her patron did too, though Delilah had other intentions, wanted Laudna to hone in on it all, even promised to show her how to bring you back, give some ounce of information, but Laudna also knows that messing with the dead comes at great risk. While she was tempted by the offers her patron made, she wouldn’t put you through that. That being said, she didn’t know how long she’d last. It was only when Laudna started asking questions about how Delilah got this information, the lady backed off for a bit and Laudna could once more take peace in the solitude with you.

“You know, I’d never thought we’d be here like this. I’d always expected you to live some grand life like you always envisioned; one full of adventures. It’s a shame sometimes these things don’t go as they should but all good things come to an end. You were good. I am glad to have met you and I am sad to have to say goodbye.” Laudna adjusts the button of your shirt, straightening it. She combs your hair, even pinches your cheeks like she’d seen you do in the past but no rosiness returns to them, they just stay ashen.

“I guess this is goodbye then. May we meet again some day.” Laudna smiles, rising your hand to her lips and kissing the inside of your wrist; a marker of the life you kept, one she had always been fascinated with; your heartbeat, now lays silent. She lets go and steps out of the room.

When you awakened you gave some poor caretakers the scare of their lifetime. You feel different but can’t quite describe it. There was a lot of shouting but you couldn’t process it. You were laying on some sort of table but your back just hurt and you had to get out. Then the door opened and you’ll have to pride the caretaker for not fainting at the sight of the undead woman in the doorway smiling at you while black goo dripped from her nails. You’re back again. Your life’s not over yet and you’ll be spending it sharing your adventures with Laudna.

————

(Dorian)

People make mistakes all the time. Sometimes these mistakes can be the wrong choice of drink or missing the last step down on some stairs resulting in a face first fall. While he may not have actually fallen down some steps, Dorian wishes to all that is sacred he did because it’d be easier. Instead he’s here seated with your head in his lap, whispering pleas you’ll be alright while he waits for the others to arrive.

Long story short, it’s a stakeout; you and Dorian team up and cover the second floor. The group’d been hired to catch a thief with a tendency to cause chaos. Nothing too serious. So together you patrolled the second floor when he spotted your target. Of course you both gave chase but they were quick. You split up to cover more ground. Dorian had them cornered. No escape now. He failed to notice the muttering of a spell and the green hint of magic gathering at the thief’s fingertips. You did and rushed into the room from the side. In redirecting whatever spell was cast, you took the effects instead. You’d gone down instantly and the thief got away.

If he hadn’t been so stupid to split up, you didn’t have to pull such a stunt. If he wasn’t so stupid he might have noticed and avoided the spell. If he wasn’t so stupid, maybe you’d be here to tell him ‘I told you so’ when you called his plan terrible. You’d agreed to split up only because he suggested it, he convinced you. He should have listened to you. You should have stuck together. But instead here you are, under the effects of some kind of magic. You’ve not moved, nor responded to anything.

“I was reckless. I should have listened to you. I just had to be the hero, didn’t I? What do I get for it? You get hurt. I might as well have been the one to cast the spell.” Dorian speaks to himself. He doesn’t know why he does. Perhaps it’s some nervous coping mechanism o help him process and stay focused. Your wellbeing is his first priority. He’s afraid to move you more than he already has in case it does more harm. Can’t even trust himself not to make everything worse. It’s a downward spiral of negative thoughts and insecurities.

“You’d tell me to suck it up and deal with it.” He laughs shaking his head. “You’d tell me you love me and you forgive me. If I’m honest, I don’t think I could look you in the eye ever again if you can’t forgive me. It’ll take some time to work through but I’d hope to have you at my side still. I hope I’m still deserving of your love.” Dorian brushes your hair away from your face, waiting in solitude, trying to not let his mind wander. A few minutes pass.

Air fills your lungs, like you’ve been holding it all this time and you shoot up from your position. Between ragged breaths you take in your surroundings, until you see Dorian looking rather bewildered but happy no less. You throw your arms around him.

“You already summarised what I was going to say so I won’t bother to repeat the whole thing.” The smile in your voice is enough to ease Dorian’s mind just a bit. “I love you.”

————

(Chetney)

Chetney has a somewhat shady past, things he doesn’t like to talk about. His ‘none of your business’ reply whenever he is asked about more in-depth personal matters usually does the trick and gets people to stop asking about his past. In reality it’s not privacy that keeps him from telling, sure it’s one of the reasons but he doesn’t want people the people he’s growing attached to to view him differently. With you in the picture; the first person he’s gotten close with, truly close with in a very long time, he’s begun thinking you deserve to know. He doesn’t want what you two share to be based on lies and secrets.

He spent weeks working up the courage to come clean about all the evils of his past, weeks and he was going to spill it all. You were sitting in the tavern, together, the others still out and about while you shared a drink conversing. Chetney was enthralled by you, your kindness, your smile, all of you, he almost forgot what he was going to say. You ordered another round. The drinks came in and he directed the conversation to where he needed it to go, slowly ease you into it but before he could continue you began coughing. You gasped for air as if none would fill your lungs. People panicked and jumped to your aid, himself included. You looked so scared, so completely and utterly frightened, begging for help until your head lulled back and your eyes closed. You were still alive but barely.

Knowing he couldn’t fix you, Chetney would personally gut whoever was responsible for this and when he saw that barkeep that served you try and sneak out, he gave chase. He hated leaving you behind but this is the best he could do. It’s needless to say that Chetney is good at what he does and he sniffed out the barkeep. An interrogation and some spillage of red later, Chetney returned. He knew what caused this, he had an antidote. You’d be safe. He had to move quick though. When he returned to the inn they’d brought you back to your room. The real barkeep said the healers had come and stabilised you but a cure would still be a ways out.

You lay in your bed, peacefully. There’s no pain on your face, no fear either and that’s a relief. Chetney jumps up on the bed, sitting on his knees beside you as he takes out the vial.

“You know, I never thought I’d fear losing someone as much as I fear losing you. Everything will be alright. I took care of that bastard. They won’t try that again. You’re safe now.” Chetney says as he brings the vial to your lips, pouring the contents down your throat. In the meantime he sits and waits for the antidote to take effect. It’s a rare feeling but he confidently feels good about watching over you. Sure, you can protect yourself just fine but knowing he was able to truly help you, make difference. He finally understands what you mean. Your eyes blink open and you groan. You focus on Chetney who sits in anticipation.

“Hey, Chetney. You were going to say something? Why are we in my room?” You ask confused but the look of glee on the man’s face distracts you plenty. You’ll get a lengthy explanation and can’t help but feel a little pride in what this woodcarver has done for you.

#critical role x reader #campaign 3 x reader #critical role fanfiction #critrole x reader #ashton greymoore x reader #ashton x reader #dorian storm x reader #orym x reader #imogen x reader #laudna x reader #fearne calloway x reader #fearne x reader

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edenmemes · 3 years ago

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ghost of tsushima starters

❝ promise you’ll remain the good man i know. ❞ ❝ only fools have no fear of death. ❞ ❝ i am very much alive. but my patience is dying. ❞ ❝ i’ll make sure you are remembered. as a great warrior...a wise leader. ❞ ❝ the strength we need is all around us. ❞ ❝ the past cannot hurt you. ❞ ❝ this whole journey, and i never asked your name. ❞ ❝ fear drives you to be stronger. fight harder. ❞ ❝ sometimes...our only choice is to walk away from everything we know ❞ ❝ we do what we must. that is why you and i are both survivors. ❞ ❝ i can do good! i just...need practice. ❞ ❝ may your next life be more peaceful than this one. ❞ ❝ i knew it was too good to be true. ❞ ❝ i'll see what i can do. but if you’re lying to me... ❞ ❝ you’re too comfortable with that power. ❞ ❝ don’t ever try to kill me again. ❞ ❝ turn your back on a foe...and you will die with a sword stuck in it. ❞ ❝ youre not slipping away that easily. ❞ ❝ just stay closed. keep your sword sheathed. and let me do the talking. ❞ ❝ the things i saw still haunt my nightmares. ❞ ❝ i dont even know if you're real. ❞ ❝ victories don’t have to feel good. ❞ ❝ killing your own family...it’s harder than you could ever imagine. ❞ ❝ it’s safer for everyone if i just disappear. ❞ ❝ next time, leave some glory for the rest of us. ❞ ❝ peace doesn’t always come quietly. ❞ ❝ some people respond to kindness. others require a glimpse of steel. ❞ ❝ i am nothing if not honest. ❞ ❝ stop using people, and start thinking about how you can help them. ❞ ❝ you’ve had your vengeance. don’t stand in the way of mine. ❞ ❝ you don’t have to do it alone. ❞ ❝ not all words need to be spoken. ❞ ❝ there is time yet for revenge. i will savour their cries of pain when that time comes. ❞ ❝ i have learned to love the cool, damp dark. ❞ ❝ the last thing i saw was faces filled with hatred, rage... ❞ ❝ you didn’t think you'd get rid of me that easily, did you? ❞ ❝ we will celebrate when this is all over. ❞ ❝ what’s wrong with you? one moment we stand shoulder-to-shoulder, the next you’re ready to cross blades. ❞ ❝ a warrior learns from their mistakes, or they are buried by them. ❞ ❝ remember your training...and never leave my side. ❞ ❝ well...i guess this is goodbye. ❞ ❝ your visions will grow worse, driving you to madness and death. ❞ ❝ i can only pretend for so much longer. i’m not like these people and never will be. ❞ ❝ i loved you all my life, but i could never work up the courage to tell you. ❞ ❝ the proud do not last, and the mightiest of us perish like dust before the wind. ❞ ❝ you’re a vision of mercy. ❞ ❝ not bad, but only half-good. ❞ ❝ we make a good team, don’t we? ❞ ❝ an archer’s aim relies not on eyes...but on body, mind, and spirit. ❞ ❝ this is my fight. i don’t need your weapon. ❞ ❝ being right doesn’t always make things better. ❞ ❝ there is nothing easier than to prey upon the vanity of ambitious men. ❞ ❝ you weren’t looking so good. i let you rest. ❞ ❝ your intentions this time were...better than usual. ❞ ❝ what are you not telling me? ❞ ❝ trouble sticks to you like shit on rice. ❞ ❝ it’s strange being back after so many years...everywhere i look brings back memories. ❞ ❝ only a child expects perfection of their elders. ❞ ❝ when this is all over, what will you do? ❞ ❝ you are ruled by your emotion. ❞ ❝ is this how you want to be remembered? ❞ ❝ perhaps great men share all the aspects of their lessers, but more. great wisdom, but even greater cruelty. ❞ ❝ i cannot imagine the burden a leader like you must bear. ❞ ❝ our greatest enemies are the greatest teachers. ❞ ❝ death’s shadow embraces me. hand in hand we walk. ❞ ❝ breathe. you can’t fight if you hold your breath. ❞ ❝ i know you well enough by now, my friend. ❞ ❝ i can’t go back...to what i was. before this. ❞ ❝ i hope you one day forgive me for the choice i made. ❞ ❝ the wounds you dealt my spirit will never heal. ❞ ❝ why did you turn away from me? ❞ ❝ if you can keep moving forward, so can i. ❞ ❝ it’s a bad idea to sneak up on me. ❞ ❝ promise me something. don’t become like me. ❞ ❝ let me undo the damage i’ve done. ❞ ❝ ...and you want me to clean up your mess. ❞ ❝ the path ahead may take a lifetime, but i will walk it with you. always. ❞ ❝ whatever you believe i’ve become, i will always be your family. ❞ ❝ i wouldn’t be here without you. ❞ ❝ i’ll hunt you past the horizon if i must. ❞ ❝ can i count on you to do what needs to be done? ❞ ❝ that’s over now. you’re here. with me. ❞ ❝ i thought i’d lost you, i should’ve known you’d never give up. ❞ ❝ you can’t continue down this path. ❞ ❝ be careful. demons are everywhere and they fear nothing. ❞ ❝ corpses can’t answer questions. ❞ ❝ you deserve greater respect than this. ❞ ❝ it’s just like the stories my father told me. ❞ ❝ what you become tomorrow is your choice. ❞ ❝ just ask the last man who questioned my sincerity. you’ll find his head covered in flies out back. ❞ ❝ you shouldn’t have lied. i still would have helped you. ❞ ❝ we came this far. we’re not turning back now. ❞ ❝ how do we survive if we don’t trust each other? ❞ ❝ without my help, the fear and pain will overwhelm you. ❞ ❝ whatever happens, we don’t retreat. ❞ ❝ the stories are true. i’ve never seen anyone fight like you. ❞ ❝ see how the enemy fear you? you are a true warrior. ❞ ❝ you want to share a drink...with me? ❞ ❝ maybe you should’ve just ran away. like you always do. ❞ ❝ good people have nothing to fear from me. ❞ ❝ your promises are just like you. worthless. ❞ ❝ as you wish, since you asked so sweetly. ❞ ❝ i know better than to argue. ❞ ❝ i hope i can find quiet places like this one, untouched by war. ❞ ❝ we grew up together, but you threw it all away. ❞ ❝ it was so chaotic. i felt you grip my wrist and then nothing. ❞ ❝ desperation can bring out the demon in the best of men. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to leave without you, but...i can’t stay. i hope you understand. ❞ ❝ a grown man, and you still can barely sit still. ❞ ❝ and i heard you had no sense of humor! ❞ ❝ knowing and doing are different. ❞ ❝ trouble follows me everywhere. ❞ ❝ indulging violence weakens the warrior...like too much food or drink. ❞ ❝ i can always tell when you want to ask me something. out with it. ❞ ❝ i am proud to fight beside you. ❞ ❝ i didn’t nurse you back to health to watch you throw your life away. ❞ ❝ all i want...all i need is to start a new life. ❞ ❝ look twice and shoot once. ❞ ❝ i think they’re afraid of you. you can be...intimidating.. ❞ ❝ you don’t even try to hear me. it’s like talking to a stone. ❞ ❝ so you try to kill me? have you lost your mind? ❞ ❝ you’ve sacrificed everything. for revenge. ❞ ❝ we can’t let anger consume us. or blind us to our friends. ❞ ❝ there is only one way this ends. ❞ ❝ i gave you everything. and you threw it away. ❞ ❝ do not question my integrity again. ❞ ❝ your father would be proud. ❞ ❝ the worst one can do is take advantage of their own people. ❞ ❝ you follow trouble. you should ask yourself why. ❞ ❝ some of my favourite memories happened at this place. ❞ ❝ i told you this was a bad idea! ❞ ❝ keep fighting. we need people like you. ❞ ❝ are you the one who finally kills me? ❞ ❝ a warrior’s most important weapon is themself. lose control, and you risk defeat. ❞ ❝ first, get some rest. this is killing you. ❞ ❝ see that? i told you. there’s always hope. ❞ ❝ i hope the skills i gained through hardship can be of use to the people here. ❞ ❝ you have skill...but you nearly died rushing into battle. ❞ ❝ in the midst of battle, true leaders must stay rooted, stand firm. ❞ ❝ every time i get in a mess like this, i’m as scared as the time before. ❞ ❝ don’t be the next to disappoint me. ❞ ❝ save what we can, but know that everything passes away. ❞ ❝ i hope you understand, this is just a job. ❞ ❝ that’s a sad way to look at the world. ❞ ❝ seeing you like that...i’m still shaken up. ❞ ❝ sit with me a moment. ❞ ❝ doubt and indecision have destroyed armies. ❞ ❝ it’s so painful to...see you weighed down by sadness. ❞ ❝ on the slim chance some good comes of this...lead the way. ❞ ❝ you fought well, but we’re finished. ❞ ❝ the warrior’s mind is quiet but alive, like rustling bamboo. ❞ ❝ i’ve trained with a blade since i could walk. ❞ ❝ the visions...they’re still happening. ❞ ❝ in our world, being intimidating isn’t a bad thing. ❞ ❝ you have a talent. it’s time you use it, for the sake of our land. ❞ ❝ i've tried to teach you all i know...but you act more like a poet than a warrior. ❞ ❝ your path leads to madness and death. ❞ ❝ that’s twice you saved my life. ❞ ❝ these people stay because they believe in you. ❞ ❝ i didn’t choose this life. it was my only option. ❞ ❝ you came at me like i was your mortal enemy. almost broke my arm! ❞ ❝ i could use your help...in the fight ahead. ❞ ❝ you can be a little rough, but you have a good heart. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to kill you, stop! ❞ ❝ what’s wrong? afraid i’ll get more famous than you? ❞ ❝ war brings out who we truly are. ❞ ❝ take care where you place your faith. ❞ ❝ you seem lost in thought. ❞ ❝ i was getting tired of waiting for you. ❞ ❝ without my wisdom, you will lose your soul to madness. ❞ ❝ peace is an unattainable dream...but a dream worth fighting for. ❞ ❝ i’ve killed a thousand men. every death was sweet. ❞ ❝ what is the point of prayer when we are doomed? ❞ ❝ you’re like your father in more ways than you know. ❞ ❝ if you want my respect, earn it. ❞ ❝ and how many wars have you fought? ❞ ❝ you’re quite the butcher with that sword. ❞ ❝ people who sow chaos must be punished. ❞ ❝ i can’t help but wonder if you enjoy the violence. ❞ ❝ i kill only to protect our people. i think about that every time i reach for my sword. ❞ ❝ i'm sorry if my lack of skill offends. ❞ ❝ it’s the first time in days i haven’t felt like i was about to die. ❞ ❝ you fought like an animal...or a demon! ❞ ❝ there’s nothing more painful to me than a perfect bow...ineptly used. ❞ ❝ victory is won by warriors, not weapons. ❞ ❝ i couldn’t leave you to die. ❞ ❝ i made my choices. even knowing what they’ve cost me, i’d make them again. ❞ ❝ when’s the last time you slept or ate? ❞ ❝ you don’t get to give up. this land needs you. ❞ ❝ oh you pretend we are different, but we fight for the same thing. ❞ ❝ there are still places of beauty to remind us of what truly matters. ❞ ❝ true mastery begins where individual ego ends. ❞ ❝ a warrior faces danger with courage and resolve. this is how they endure. ❞ ❝ those stories...they're not entirely true. ❞ ❝ even the youngest warrior needs a full belly and a rested sword-arm. ❞ ❝ bad men are good at hiding their true natures. ❞ ❝ there is nothing left for me here. my hope is lost. ❞ ❝ i did what i had to. for you. ❞ ❝ forgive my manners. i spent all my time alone. ❞ ❝ is that any way to greet a visitor? ❞ ❝ if you continue down this path...you’ll be no better than the enemy. ❞ ❝ i am grateful for the times we share...but, i always want more. ❞ ❝ you lived your life in a castle. it made you soft. ❞ ❝ i used to know what i fought for... ❞ ❝ face them as a warrior with honour. not a monster. ❞ ❝ i don’t take lives, but i am not a coward. ❞ ❝ i wonder if i’ve crossed a line. ❞ ❝ you can’t expect everyone to understand what you’re doing, or why. ❞ ❝ your methods were brutal...impulsive...without honour. ❞ ❝ there’s plenty to fear without worrying about folktales. ❞ ❝ i hope you’ll find peace again soon. ❞ ❝ you do what you need to survive. and yet you despise others for doing the same. ❞ ❝ is that your excuse? your reason to kill? ❞ ❝ we have to keep pushing. even if it costs us our lives. ❞ ❝ cowards without honour deserve no mercy. ❞ ❝ i’ll fight beside you until the end. ❞ ❝ whatever happens, your forgiveness won’t change who i am. ❞ ❝ why should we settle for scraps when we deserve to be legends? ❞ ❝ only cowards strike from the shadows. ❞ ❝ the proud do not endure. the greatest of us fall in the end. ❞ ❝ perhaps some good will come of this. ❞ ❝ you will see nothing but death to the end of your days. ❞ ❝ legacy is more than a name. ❞ ❝ im sorry. i know what it means to lose family. ❞ ❝ one day we'll escape the endless wheel of suffering. ❞ ❝ is that a 'thank you'? ❞ ❝ i know what it means to be hunted. ❞ ❝ you personify fury and regret. ❞ ❝ that's all right. i want to hear you dig your own grave. ❞ ❝ either way, we’ve got nothing to lose. ❞ ❝ i’ve done what i can. the rest is up to you. ❞ ❝ forgive me, but you look fatigued. have you endured much hardship? ❞ ❝ i hope you find true honour in your next life. ❞ ❝ you deserve nothing less than death. ❞ ❝ this is foolish. surrender, and you can live. ❞ ❝ i too have pride in family. and i know what it’s like to live in their shadow. ❞ ❝ you were gone so long, i knew you were in trouble. ❞ ❝ so many of us here owe you our lives. ❞ ❝ what's wrong? what did they do to you? ❞ ❝ you’re lucky to be alive. ❞ ❝ i know your language. your traditions. your beliefs. which village to tame and which to burn. ❞ ❝ i cannot lose you again. ❞ ❝ i don’t seek revenge. but i will fight for peace. ❞ ❝ we will meet again soon. until then...travel safely. ❞ ❝ this is war --- not a test. ❞ ❝ we can save our home together. it doesn’t have to be like this. ❞ ❝ fear is a weapon. don’t let them use it against you. ❞

#rp meme #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #long post for ts /

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