#who are very inexperienced and trying to secure their authority

[the-narwhals-awaken]

Bloody Hearts Bingo Day 17

Prompt: See Ya, Whump | No matter what you say, or what you do, I'ma hunt you down 'til I find you

Rukia was well used to fury. Most didn't think it of her- tiny, good at seeming sweet for a few moments at least, brash and bold by nature but through a combination of the Kuchiki tutors and Sode no Shirayuki's demands and influence impeccably graceful and capable of being demure, with an ice-natured zanpakutou.

What most people forgot was that Sode no Shirayuki wasn't ice, exactly. Ice in and of itself didn't exactly forbid fury- ice was sharp and very easy to dispose of, so most ice-wielders with a temper didn't get caught easily- but it didn't seem furious the way fire or even lightning did. Sode no Shirayuki wasn't ice, though. Rukia wasn't quite sure what it was- snow wasn't it, but there were a concerning number of ice-and-snow-related subtypes and she only had so much time that she could spend digging through archaic texts and attempting to get answers out of her spirit before she had to go stab something or cool off somewhere else.

Rukia had held fury before. At the world, to keep her alive; at whoever had gotten in her way, out in the Rukon; at the world and a few particular Kuchiki elders, when she'd been adopted; all of that paled in comparison to what she felt towards Aizen. He'd ended up worse than scum just for what he'd planned- huge amounts of slaughter, destruction of the only forms of protection left for the spiritually powerful in exchange for even more chaos and destruction and a faint promise of 'things being better'. If he'd done anything at all to progress his goal in his time as a Captain, Rukia might have had a smidgen of mercy for him- not much, but a little- but he'd perpetuated the system he complained about and seemed unaware of the hypocrisy.

Hearing that he'd nearly kidnapped Inoue had been the last straw. For all his fuss about- well, everything, really- he certainly had no qualms about dragging the living into his fight. For that, and for all else that he'd done- hurting Momo, betraying every oath he'd ever taken like they meant nothing to him, all the people she cared about who could no longer trust their senses- she would make him pay.

Unfortunately, Aizen came with an army of the most fucked-up Hollows she'd ever seen or heard of, and they needed manpower. Rukia had gotten the mission- as an official Lieutenant, she was allowed to run off on her own to do things, and as the one with the most experience with those involved, she'd gotten first dibs.

If her timing wasn't being monitored- mostly because the Kido Corps was working on something weird with the cross-dimensional timing and she was being used as a test case- she would have ran off to spend some time with Ichigo and his friends- help out with Hollow patrol and relax from the war preparations. Even home wasn't safe- the elders were torn between retired Shinigami who understood but were grouchy about things and those who had never served, who did not understand and were being ever-more-strict about protocol in an attempt to compensate.

Instead, she knocked at the side door of the Shouten- the one she'd been instructed to use whenever on Gotei buisness.

Rukia was fairly certain that whatever C46 had intended with the draft document- now that she'd read it herself- was not going to work, if only because Urahara had made it clear he could get what he wanted without having to deal with jurisdiction issues.

It hardly mattered, though- she had another letter for Ichigo and his friends, and they'd accept- they had no reason not to, and Ichigo had already been willing to help. Formalizing it would only help them- they'd get pay, and supplies, and the same legal protections every Gotei member got. More importantly, it would ensure that should things get bad enough to get to Karakura, they wouldn't have just the Thirteenth to keep things properly wrangled.

This letter, fortunately, was accepted much better- and even better for the timing, all of them happened to be working through something in one of the side rooms of the Shouten. It looked to be homework, which Rukia politely ignored- it was good practice for the confidentiality training she was going through, at least. It had to be exam season, or nearing it- they looked haggard, and part of Rukia felt bad for the combat that they'd no doubt be going through.

The rest of her was delighted to be fighting alongside friends. Renji had made friends with most of the other lieutenants their age, but she was still working out how she fit with most of them and Momo was still not quite up to fighting shape.

All in all, Rukia thought things were going well. The rage in her heart could handle being put off for a bit, and though she was a bit wary of Urahara- the look in his eye reminded her of the guy who'd ended up having a massive pit full of child's corpses in his garden- he did good work. Aizen would fall and the rest would matter later.

[dailynnt]

FRIENDS WITHIN TOUCHING DISTANCE

⊹ Summary: Jungkook and you, his childhood friend, live together in an apartment, sharing space as roommates. Your relationship, built on years of friendship, is gradually becoming strained by growing sexual tension. You decide to become friends with benefits, trying not to complicate your feelings. But Jungkook's world is not so simple. When you begin to realize that he is hiding something, you open the veil of his double life - a world of mafia, criminal activity, and risk that could ruin not only your deal, but everything you valued in each other.

⊹ Couple: Jeon Jungkook/ Fem!Reader

⊹ Characters: The Reader, Jeon Jungkook, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, Min Yoongi, Kim Seokjin, Kim Namjoon, Jeon Hoseok.

⊹ 🔞 Age restrictions: 18+

⊹ 👩🏼‍❤️‍👨🏻 Relationships: ⚤

⊹ 📘 Number of part: 17/30

⊹ 🖇️ Tags: best friends, friends with benefits, slow longing, sexual tension, protected sex, unprotected sex, alcohol, drunken sex, inexperienced main character, mafia au, illegal trade, deaths of minor characters, weapons, swear words.

⊹ 👩🏼‍💻From the author: Hello everyone. Happy New Year 🎄💜 I managed to write another part for you, so consider it a gift, because I wrote it as soon as I could and when I could to make it to the 31st 🥹 I hope you like it, as always ❤️‍🔥 I also want to thank everyone who likes my story, you can't even imagine how happy I am 🤭🥺 I didn't expect such a success at all 🥹🥹🥹

⊹ 🫂 Dedication: For you, my love @myjungkookthighs. You are my favorite person 😘🥰 You know that I appreciate you so much and love you🥰💜

⊹ ⚠️ Warning: English is not my native language, so there may be mistakes in the text. Please don't get mad at me too much! Those under 18, please don't read this story!

⊹ 📋 Tag list: @myjungkookthighs, @notsevenwithyou, @nikkinikj, @lovelyyylunaa222, @jiminiemanura (If anyone wants to be in my tag list let me know)

≣ Chapter Index ↓

Part 17. The flame of sympathy

You were shocked by the number of dishes your mom had prepared for dinner. Fortunately, the yukkejang hadn't burned while you were busy in your room. Now it stood in the center of the table in a large ceramic bowl. Its aromatic waves spread across the room, filling it with the spiciness of chili peppers, the sweetness of green onions, and the richness of beef broth.

Your mother placed the pickled crabs that Jungkook loved so much closer to him. She presented them on a large plate, garnished with fresh red pepper rings and green onions. The main dishes on the table also included kimchi, pibimbap, pajons, rice, and pickled vegetables.

You helped set the table. Your father arrived just as you and Jungkook were going down to the kitchen. You couldn't help but think that you had finished on time, otherwise it would have been very embarrassing.

You sat down next to Jungkook on his left hand, and your mom and dad sat across from you two. Dad was happy to see Jungkook, and of course, just like your mom had done earlier, he was asking him questions. He was also interested in what Jungkook did for a living. Because the Mercedes that was parked outside your house indicated that Jungkook had a prestigious job. Your parents knew from Jungkook's mother that his job was related to security. Dad was interested in what kind of duties he had.

You were a little nervous when the conversation turned to Jungkook's job. But Jungkook answered calmly and even relaxed, lying in such a way that if you didn't know the truth, you would believe it. But heck, you were in your parents' shoes not so long ago. You believed his lies without knowing what your friend really lived.

Jungkook ate a lot. He enjoyed your mother's food because he always loved what she cooked. There was a mix in his mouth: crabs, yukkejang, pajon, rice, in a word, Jungkook ate as if he had no bottom in his stomach. You admired him unnoticed, you liked to watch him eat with such enthusiasm. You were especially mesmerized when he ate something really tasty. He never spared emotions on his face or words about the taste.

Right now, there was such a scene before your eyes. He was eating the pickled crab that your mom had prepared and was delighted. His eyebrows were drawn together, his eyes were closed, and his expression was one of absolute delight.

The first piece of crab was rated as "divine" and even received applause for its taste. All the other pieces that went into Jungkook's mouth made him almost moan with pleasure. You even blushed when he moaned several times so hard that you almost choked. It reminded you of the sounds he made during sex. Your mom was happy with Jungkook's reaction to her cooking. For her, there is nothing better than someone eating her food with such enthusiasm.

You had a delicious dinner and for dessert, you ate sunpyeon (crescent-shaped rice cakes filled with sesame seeds, honey, and beans), cakes, and donuts (for you) that Jungkook brought with him for the visit.

"Thank you for the delicious dinner!" - Jungkook said when he was finally full.

"You are welcome. I'm going to pickle some more crabs, so when you go to Seoul, stop by and I'll give you a bag to take with you." - Your mom said.

"I will be leaving city with Y/N in a few days. So I will definitely stop by for crabs." - Jungkook said. You were a little taken aback. You hadn't realized that he would want to take you to Seoul. You could have stayed with your parents longer. Celebrate the new year. Why does he want you to go with him? You didn't say anything, didn't object.

"In a few days?" - Your father asked again. Your mother was also surprised, because you hadn't told your parents that you were coming for a short time. They thought you were coming to spend some time with them and celebrate the new year.

"Yes." - Jungkook replied firmly. He couldn't leave you here without his supervision, not after what happened at the Christmas party in Niseko. Besides, his job in Seoul doesn't allow for days off. Not even on holidays. "Didn't she tell you? A friend of ours is opening a new club on New Year's Eve, and we were invited. I thought we'd together visit you and my parents after the New Year, but it turned out that Y/N left earlier. I decided that since that happened, I would come to pick her up and also visit my parents." - Jungkook said. But no one invited you to the club opening. Is he lying again? Or is it really true?

"Of course. Y/N didn't tell us anything." - Your mom said, a little sad, but smiling.

"I thought I wasn't going to go to that party because I had a quarreled with Jungkook. That's why I didn't say anything." - You supported Jungkook's lie. If he wants to take you away, there may be reasons. Either it's his "work" or Doohoon had something to do with it. Jungkook looked at you, smiling slightly. He was pleased that you didn't resist, but immediately agreed to go home together.

"Did you have a quarreled?" - You heard your father's voice.

"Yes, Taegu, I'll explain everything to you later. No need to confuse the children." - Your mom said quickly. She got up from the table. "Son, I'll put some crabs with me now for you to have breakfast."

"I would like to decline out of politeness. But they are so delicious, I won't do it." - Jungkook said. You laughed, that’s Jungkook style. Your mom laughed shyly too, because she was pleased with Jungkook's constant praise.

While mom was packing a package for Jungkook, you cleared the table. Dad and Jungkook kindly helped you. While you were doing the dishes, your mom and dad continued to interrogate Jungkook. You could hear them talking in the living room from the kitchen. It was well after 8 p.m. outside, and Jungkook was in no hurry to go home. You thought he was waiting for you to walk him to his car.

"Jungkook, son, did you find a girlfriend?" - Your mom asked. When you heard her question, you almost dropped the ceramic pot where was yukkejan in it. You didn't expect her to ask him about his personal life. Jungkook didn't flinch and answered almost immediately.

"I have a girlI like." - He said. You listened intently. Is this girl you?

"You just like her? You're dating?" - Your mom asks.

"No, we can't because of my job." - Jungkook answers without hesitation. You think it's some kind of weird excuse. "I work a lot, so she won't even think about going out with me."

"If she likes you too, it won't be a problem." - Says your father. "The main thing is that you have weekends and don't work until the morning, and go out with her every night. Then it will be fine." - your father advises. You can hear Jungkook laughing.

"Sometimes I work until the morning, or I'm gone for several days at home. My job is such that I have to accompany a client on his travels. So I don't think I'll have a chance." - Jungkook says. You can't figure out if he's just making this excuse so no one will know about you or if he really doesn't want to have a relationship with you. You're a little outraged. You need to clarify what the status of your relationship is now. Are you still friends with benefits or are you dating? Because the words "you are mine" can only mean that you are his girlfriend. The thought of being Jungkook's girlfriend makes you excited. It sounds so unusual.

"What kind of job is this that makes it impossible to have a relationship? Honey, quit that job and find something to do so you don't have to be a bachelor forever." - Your mom said. You thought she sounded harsh. Your mom sometimes says things that can hurt. But Jungkook laughed again. He didn't seem offended in the least.

"I'll make a lot of money, and then I'll quit and find a woman. I'm only 24, there's still time." - Jungkook assured. You washed the dishes and went into the living room where they were all sitting. Jungkook saw you and kept his eyes on you. He was smiling slyly. You waved him off so he wouldn't stare at you. You stood next to your father, putting your hands on his shoulders. Dad felt your hands and put his on top of yours.

"Let me walk you to the car." - You suggested to Jungkook. He stood up when he heard you say that. It was really time to go, but he wasn't going to leave without you.

"Actually, I wanted to proposed you first. I have a gift for you. But it's not in the car. We need to go to a place. So you should go change." - Jungkook said. You froze in confusion. He said in Niseko, that he had a gift, and he promised to give it to you to nightly . Is this some kind of a restaurant or something? But you just had dinner, so the restaurant is out. Where can you go at eight in the evening for a gift? You didn't have any ideas.

You agreed and went to your room to change while Jungkook continued talking to your parents. Before you got dressed, you asked Jungkook what the style should be, what if it was some expensive beautiful place, so that you didn't come dressed as if you were going to a store. He said that the style could be free, but the clothes should be comfortable. This intrigued you even more.

You put on a gray tight-fitting knit crop top with long sleeves and a rounded neckline. You wore black high-waisted cargo pants with large pockets on the sides. Your skin sometimes showed under top when you moved, but you were going to be in a car and a jacket, so you shouldn't be cold. You left your hair loose, pulling some of it into a half-ponytail at the back of your head and tying it with a gray elastic band so that your bangs wouldn't get in the way. Although the shortest strands did fall out before you went out, it looked good.

After you changed, you went downstairs to the first floor to see Jungkook, who was waiting for you. When he saw you, he looked you up and down. He looked slightly dissatisfied.

"Couldn't you have worn something longer to keep your kidneys warm? It's freezing outside." - Jungkook complained as you were both getting dressed at the door. Your parents supported Jungkook, and you clicked your tongue nervously, ignoring their words. Putting on your Nike winter sneakers and a jacket, you waited for your mom to bring a bag of crab for Jungkook and for Jungkook who instead to get dressed, talking about your top.

"I'll be in a warm car and I'm wearing a jacket so I won't freeze. Stop talking." - You said irritated. Jungkook smiled slyly at you and finally stopped grumbling. Mom brought you the crab, you said goodbye, Jungkook promised to take care of you and bring you home before the new day dawned, and you left the house.

Jungkook arrived in a Gelendvagen. When you saw this car again, you felt delighted. It always evokes such emotions. You remembered the sex you had with Jungkook here and thought that you wouldn't mind doing it again.

Looking at Jungkook, who was starting the engine and pressing something on the dashboard, probably turning on the stove, you thought that this Mercedes suited him very well. Jungkook seems to have been born to drive such a car.

Like this car, he was impressively massive and stable, while combining elegance and strength. The G-Wagon is not just a car, it is a symbol of confidence and power with which it takes to the streets. Jungkook was the same way: he easily attracted attention without trying, with a huge charisma that filled the space around him. And just like this car, his presence always left a feeling of something unusual and even majestic. The Mercedes G-Wagon evokes wonder and a desire to observe, Jungkook was someone who could not be ignored - with his appearance, his energy.

You smiled, they evoke similar emotions in you, the way you thought about it perfectly reflected how you felt about him at that moment.

Jungkook, sensing your view, looked at you. He smiled back at you.

"Why are you smiling?" - He asked as he took off his jacket and threw it into the back seat.

"I was just thinking about something." - You answer, looking at your friend or boyfriend. You didn't know for sure yet. Jungkook has driven away from your house.

"About what?" - He asked. He still had a slight smile on his lips. His eyes were looking at the road. You took a deep breath, enjoying the smell in the car. It smelled like citrus and spices. The smell was completely Jungkook's, you knew he liked citrus notes.

"I thought you were really hot driving that car." - You say leaning over the armrest. You moved closer to get a better look at Jungkook's reaction to your words.

He easily turned away from the empty road where only you were driving and looked at you. His eyes flashed with something devilish and cunning. A half smile graced his alluring lips.

"Are you trying to seduce me as soon as we only just leave your house?" - He asks playfully. You lick your lips, drawing Jungkook's gaze to them. You cast a lazy glance at his crotch. You stretch your lips into a smile and sit up straight, looking in front of you.

"Not at all. I'm just stating a fact." - You say, trying to hold back your laughter. Jungkook continues to drive the car in silence. You don't know where you're going or why. You're going to regret teasing him.

You drive in silence for a while while you check your phone for notifications. You have a text message from Suyong, an instagram notification, a group chat message from your university group, and a bunch of other notifications that you haven't read because you don't feel like it.

Your mind goes back to the conversation you heard, about Jungkook's girlfriend, and you want to talk to him. Your heartbeat instantly speeds up when you're about to ask who you are to each other. But before you dare to ask Jungkook, he is the first to break the silence between you.

"It was great of you to agree to come to Seoul with me right away. I have some urgent business that I have to finish by the 31st, and I can't leave you here alone." - He says, while overtaking the car in front of him.

"Why can't you leave me? Is it because of Doohoon?" - You speculated. Jungkook pressed his lips into a thin line and nodded his head in agreement.

"Yeah. Fuck knows what's in that stupid head of his. He might move on to more sadistic methods." - Jungkook says seriously. He pulls out onto the road that leads to the camping park.

"Why would he start doing something like this?" - You ask, and you remember when you were packing a suitcase to fly to Korea from Niseko, Jungkook arrived at the hotel covered in blood, his hands were beaten. "Did you have a fight? Is that why you came here covered in blood?"

"Yeah. I beat him up." - Jungkook confesses to you. Not that you hadn't guessed, but you were still shocked.

"Badly?" - You ask instead of asking why.

"Yes." - Chunguk answers briefly, without going into details. He recalls Doohoon’s bloody face and thinks that if he hadn't been stopped, he would have killed him. But you don't need to know that.

"Is he even alive?" - You ask ironically. Jungkook hears the irony in your voice and smiles.

"He's alive. Lucky for him." - Jungkook is not joking at all. You burst out laughing.

"Of course it's not funny. You beat him up in front of people?" - You ask, looking at Jungkook. His profile catches your eye. The way he purses his lips, the way his tongue plays with his piercings. How he can easily distract you with just one look.

"No. No one saw us, it was in front of the smoking room. Ha Young called for help. They broke us up. But I kicked his face pretty good." - Jungkook replies.

"Jungkook..." - You breathed out his name worriedly. "You might get in trouble because of that bastard. He's not going to let this go." - You said.

"Let him try, then no one will save him." - Jungkook says, irritated. You can see the muscles in his jaw rippling. You don't say anything, because your mind immediately goes to thoughts of how Jungkook will fight Doohoon. "No one will save you," his words echo in your head. What does that mean? Will he try to 'eliminate' him?

Jungkook notices that you are silent and gives you a quick glance. He meets your worried gaze and rushes to reassure you.

"I'm not going to kill him or torture him. I will deal with them carefully so that you or I don't get hurt." - He promises. You squint your eyes, not quite believing him. "I promise." - He says sincerely. You stare at Jungkook for a long few seconds and finally relax.

"Look. You promised. That asshole isn't worth the trouble he's going to cause. I'm talking about another hassle with police." - Jungkook laughed. You looked at him in surprise. "What did I say that was so funny?" - You were indignant.

"Nothing. I just don't think I'm going to get in trouble with the police." - Jungkook said, sounding amused. "There are more serious things to worry." - You raise your eyebrows and notice that you're pulling up to the checkpoint for the camping park. Jungkook buys a pass, and in a few minutes you're inside the park. It's only a 20-minute walk from your house, and Jungkook gets there in less than 10 minutes. You remember how often you used to go hiking here with your father and Jungkook.

"The police are the law. And what can be more serious than the law?" - You continue the topic. You don't ask why you came to the camping park. The intrigue of your gift is too strong.

"Money." - Jungkook says shortly and parks on a wooden platform. It has a small fence that protects it from the cliff where the river flows. The area is lit by two tall lanterns that emit a yellow, almost orange light. The park is beautiful and cozy. Large caps of snow cover the bare crowns of the trees. The place where Jungkook parks his car is cleared of snow. Does everyone here clean up their parking spaces? Or did Jungkook order it in advance?

"What do you mean? You mean that money can be used to bend the law?" - You ask, simultaneously looking for something that could be your gift. But there is nothing here. Just you, the trees covered in snow, and the sound of the river.

Jungkook finally parks the car, but doesn't turn off the engine. He leaves it running to keep the interior warm. Jungkook smiled slyly. He immediately approached you when he finished parking.

"Yes, baby." - He says in a low purring voice. You look at his handsome face close to yours. "Money is the ultimate law. Whoever has it controls everything." - Jungkook fixes the strands that have fallen out of your hair and are lying on your eyelashes.

"So you have money, so you won't have any problems. Because you'll pay whoever you need to and you won't be punished?" - You ask. At this moment, he looks as much like the mafia as possible. Powerful, self-confident and thinking that the law is not written for him.

"I have money. But it's not just about money. I also have some power. The police are my subordinates whom I can use as I please. They cannot punish or convict me. I control their activities." - To say you are shocked is an understatement. You unconsciously open your mouth at Jungkook's words. It sounds as scary as possible. You look at Jungkook's young face and realize that he has enormous power at his age because he works for a very powerful gangster. If he controls the work of the police, it's just horrible. Does this mean that the police in Seoul are corrupt to the last cop?

"Do you control the work of the police? All of it? But how? They belong to the Ministry of Defense, do you have your own people there too?" - Jungkook looks at your face in silence. You're too beautiful to sit here and ask questions about things you don't need to know. It's time to give you that gift and enjoy your tight pussy.

"I'm not the only one doing this. Taehyung helps me. I've told you enough. Enough about my work. We came here to give you a gift." - Jungkook says. He moves away from you and before he gets out of the car, he says. "Go to the back seat, I have to get it out of the trunk."

You look in Jungkook's wake in surprise. So he confirmed that Taehyung is also a member of the mafia. It's horrible, you thought he was the nicest person in the world. Sometimes appearances can be deceiving.

You get out of the car and sit in the back seat. It's warm in the car, so when you feel like you've played a good game, you take off your jacket and throw it on your front seat. It's much more comfortable now. You wait for Jungkook to come back.

Jungkook gets in the car with you a couple of minutes later. He's holding a black bag with no writing on it. You smile in anticipation of the gift. But you don't understand why you came all the way here. This could have been given to you at home. In fact, he lied. He said there was no gift in the car. But it doesn't matter. If you're here, then Jungkook just wanted to be alone.

Jungkook turns on the lights in the backseat, and then he hands you the package, moving close to you. You take it in your hands and look through it excitedly.

The first thing that catches your eye is a large box. It has an aesthetic design and when you lift it slightly, you realize that it is a set of expensive chocolates from Chocolate Tree. This set is large and has many different flavors, most of all, your attention is drawn to the description of ingredients such as gold plates and aromatic spices. Gosh, eating gold with chocolate? Isn't that too much? But you silently put the chocolate set down and see two more boxes. One is small and the other is a little bigger. They are wrapped in beautiful dark green paper that shimmers in the light.

"Open the smaller one first." - Jungkook asks. You glance at him and notice how close he is. He holds the head sit behind you with his hand, his thigh touching yours.

You listen to Jungkook and take out a smaller box. When you half-open Jungkook's gift, you realize it's a phone. You stare at the box with the latest iPhone pro max in shock, and then look at Jungkook. He raises his eyebrows as if to say, "You don't like it?". You look from Jungkook to the phone.

"Jungkook..." - You finally say. "Isn't it too expensive?" - You are embarrassed. This Athos costs 1200 dollars. That's more than 1.5 million won. He could have presented you something less expensive. But you're thrilled because you've been wanting to change your phone for a long time. You were using the 14th iPhone. You were one of those few Samsung traitors (whose research center was located in your city, by the way) and found iPhones to be user-friendly.

"Do you like it?" - Jungkook asks, trying to figure out if he's got the right gift.

"Do I like it? Yes, I'm crazy about the gift. I've been dreaming of a new phone." - You say enthusiastically. Jungkook smiles happily. A phone is always a good gift. Especially when you once let it slip that you wanted to change it. Jungkook was going to give it to you earlier, but he didn't have time to go buy it. And for Christmas, he had to give it to you. Before you open the box with the iPhone, you give Jungkook a light kiss. You opened the box and looked at the phone. It's big, the color of graphite. You like that Jungkook bought a dark color, because all your phones were either gray or black.

When you saw the phone, you completely forgot that there was another box in the package.

"Baby, there's another present for you." - You smiled guiltily and put the phone on the box of chocolate. You took out a bigger box and started to open it. Jungkook watched you with interest. His eyes were on you, trying to capture every emotion from this gift.

You tore open the gift wrapping. It was a white box with no inscription. You looked at Jungkook, who was smiling slyly, and you didn't understand what was happening. You opened the box and your face instantly turned red. A vibrator. A fucking vibrator that is a complete imitation of a man's penis. It's pale pink and big. You can't tell for sure, but it's about the size of a Jungkook, maybe a little smaller. You feel shyness and a light layer of sweat covers your back. You don't know how to react to this gift.

Jungkook is amused by your reaction. You are frozen in horror and shame at the same time. He leans down to your ear and whispers.

"I thought you should have a toy like this." - Jungkook says. His breath burns your ear. You turn to him, somehow not expecting him to be so close. Although it's obvious, because he was talking in your ear. You stare at his lips. Jungkook smiles seductively. Sparks dance in his eyes.

"How did you even think of that?" - You finally recover from your shock. You close the box with the cock imitator and put it away. You are hot and nervous. Your ears are burning and your palms are cold with excitement. Your hands are shaking. Why did he present it to you? You have Jungkook to help you with your needs. Isn't a vibrator used by women who don't have sexual partners?

Jungkook laughs. His vibrating laughter goes through your whole body. He grabs your hand and pulls you onto his lap. A scream sticks in your throat. Jungkook squeezes your hips with his hands. You feel the pressure of his long fingers.

"Easy. Sex toys are one of the most common things that make sex diverse." - You can't shake the feeling of shame and the sight of the pink vibrator in front of your eyes. "You'll be pleasantly surprised at how much pleasure it can give you." - Jungkook says in a low, soothing voice. He nuzzles your neck with his nose, slowly moving to light kisses. He kisses you with one lip, and you instantly relax. His kisses are soothing, gentle, and exciting at the same time.

"But I have you." - You say with a sigh. If he doesn't stop, you're going to get soaked through. You had sex a few hours ago. Is Jungkook that insatiable? You should admit to yourself that you are the same way. Your desire for Jungkook's touch is at the level of obsession. "You satisfy me completely." - Jungkook stops kissing your neck and looks at you with a dark gaze. You are embarrassed by his gaze and look down at first.

You don't know that you can't be shy in front of Jungkook because he gets off on it. He's excited that you're embarrassed to admit that he satisfies you. He already knew that. Jungkook grabs your face with one hand and turns you around. Your eyes look at him innocently, and he's ready to swallow you whole. He's going to fuck you again, but this time he's going to get enough of you.

Jungkook kisses your lips, skillfully and instantly shoving his tongue into your mouth. He finds yours and flies over them. The kiss is hot, deep, and his lips are ruthless against yours. This kiss makes your head spin. And you can already feel the throbbing in the upper part of your inner thighs. Moisture is soaking your underwear. You have to part your lips because you don't have enough air. Jungkook undoes the button on your pants and guides his hand along the familiar route.

A loud gasp escapes your lips as his finger touches your center. You feel his hard cock already pressing into your ass.

"I'm just going to show you how good it feels. You decide if you want to keep using it or not." - He whispers shrilly. His voice is heavy with excitement. You grip his shoulders until your fingers are white. You're also very horny right now, so if Jungkook wants to show you something new, you don't mind.

"Okay." - You agree. Jungkook smiles. He takes his finger out of your pants and you instantly get upset. His movements only increase the throbbing between your legs. Your clit needed more attention.

He puts his finger in his mouth and sucks your wetness. This gesture is so intimate and makes you even more excited. His smile grows wider when he sees you looking at his fingers in your mouth.

Jungkook pulls you in for another kiss and connects your lips. You can feel yourself on his tongue. He reaches under your top with his hand and realizes that you're not wearing a bra. What luck. He didn't notice it before, maybe because he was distracted by your bare back. He squeezes your breast with his hand and you moan softly into his mouth. His caresses are a pleasure.

Without hesitation, he pulls away from your lips and leans down to take your nipple in his mouth, pulling your top up above your breasts. After the last sex, there are small blue marks on your breasts. He thinks he should kiss you more carefully, because you are already covered with his hickeys. But your skin is so soft and juicy that he can't help but want to savor it to the fullest.

You hiss in pleasant pain when Jungkook first caresses your nipple with his tongue and then bites it. He smiles into your chest and moves on to the other one. You look at this picture of Jungkook sucking on your nipple and you get fired up with a new wave.

When Jungkook has played with your nipples enough, he sits you down next to him. He asks to see your pants and underwear, and then turns off the lights in the backseat. He also reaches for the steering wheel and turns off the headlights, which have been on all along. The light from the street lights is now the only thing that illuminates the interior of the Mercedes. And this light makes the atmosphere between you more comfortable and intimate.

Jungkook follows you and takes off his clothes. His clothes are lying somewhere on the floor and he leaves only his boxers on. You are sitting on the seat completely naked and you are not satisfied with the fact that Jungkook not naked.

When Jungkook wants to pull you closer to him, you move first. You put your hand in front of his head on the seat and put your other hand under his boxers. Now it's your turn to caress him.

You feel that he is wet too. The pre-cum has slipped through the fabric of his underwear and is dripping from the tip of his cock. You run your thumb over the tip, caressing it, and you hear Jungkook sigh in your ear. You turn your head and see the absolute pleasure on his handsome face. He closed his eyes and bit down on his piercing. You're pleased that you're the cause of this pleasure. But you are only stroking him. You should give him more pleasure.

You swirl your tongue around your lips to wet them. You pull Jungkook's cock out of the boxers. It jumps out and hits Jungkook's stomach. You try to pull your boxers down lower and Jungkook lifts his hips slightly to help you do it. When you pull Jungkook's underwear down so that it is no longer in your way, you grab the length of it in your hands and kiss it.

Your lips lightly touch the silky surface of his cock. You wrap your tongue around the tip several times, licking his semen. Jungkook jerks his cock. This shows that he likes it. You think you want to see this reaction with your own eyes. You pull Jungkook's cock out of your mouth. He's watching you carefully.

You take your jacket and throw it at Jungkook's feet. There's enough room in the back of the car for you to kneel in front of him and get comfortable between his legs. So that you have a good view of his face while you suck his cock.

Jungkook understands what you want to do and he doesn't mind at all. He spreads his legs wide and gives you a good opportunity to suck him off.

You kneel down and smile, taking Jungkook's length in your hands. He looks at you with a greedy, eager gaze. His mouth is also curved in a smile. You run your tongue along the vein that runs through his cock. Jungkook exhales heavily, probably holding back a moan. You take his entire length into your mouth and now he can't hold it back. When you pump Jungkook's cock with your mouth just a few times, he moans. You look up and look at him.

He's laid his head back on seat and closed his eyes. His mouth is slightly open. The yogi jaw line seems even sharper from this angle. It’s added him more beautiful.

Saliva curls at the corner of your mouth, and it also runs down your chin. You taste the salty taste of pre-cum. You continue to suck on Jungkook's cock, and with each new movement, you realize that it's getting harder. You touch his balls with your hands, caressing them and squeezing them gently.

Jungkook hisses in pleasure. He looks up and sees you watching him. Your eyes are innocent and your lips are so perfectly wrapped around his cock. No girl has ever looked as sexy and beautiful in his eyes as you. Jungkook smiles at the corner of his mouth and takes your hair.

He pushes your on your neck, squeezing your hair into a tight knot. He pushes his cock deep inside you and can't get enough of the sight.

"You are my dirty slut. You choke on my cock so well." - He says in a low voice and you just flow with these words. They excite you to the max and you feel a sweet ache in your lower abdomen. "These lips are made to suck my cock." - You moan as you continue to pump his length and decide to ease your torment.

You touch your clit with your hand and start to rotate it to come. Jungkook notices what you're doing and raises his eyebrows. He takes you off his cock and leans over to you. You're confused, your chin is covered in saliva mixed with Jungkook's cum.

"Don't touch yourself." - He tells you sternly. "I'm the only one who can touch you." - You are embarrassed by his tone.

Jungkook lifts you. With a deft movement, he sits you back on his lap. Only now you are sitting with your back turned to him. You rest your buttocks on his bare cock. It is wet because you were sucking it a moment ago.

Your friend touches your breasts while kissing your shoulder. He removes the hair that prevents him from accessing your neck and kisses it. He even bites you lightly and you purr in pain and pleasure.

"You are such an impatient baby. Just a little longer and your juicy clit will get the attention it deserves." - Jungkook says in your ear.

"Kook... please...." - You begin to beg him, feeling his cock underneath you, which you dream of him shoving inside you.

"Yes baby… You're begging me, but for what?" - Jungkook spreads your legs wider and touches your swollen clit. You let out something between a sigh and a moan as he begins to caress your clit in a gentle circular motion.

"Fuck me!" - You say. You didn't even think you would have sex for the second time tonight. But it seems you're even more needy now than before.

"Do you want to ride my cock slut?" - Jungkook asks you affectionately. You start moving your hips to feel the friction you need. You smear your cum on Jungkook's cock. This feeling is insane and still unknown to you. It feels so good to feel his hardness in your pussy without swallowing him. Jungkook is breathing heavily somewhere in your ear. He seems to like it as much as you do. He removes his hand from your clit and now holds your thighs to help create a wonderful friction.

You don't know how long, maybe a couple of minutes, maybe one minute of friction between your pussy and Jungkook's length and you'll feel orgasmic. That clit twitches as you continue to rub against the Jungkook's cock. Your long moan fills the space around you and indicates that you have come.

Jungkook laughs lightly, snuggling up to the back of your head. When you stop, he stops moving you too. You take a breath and straighten up in his arms. You turn your head to him and see a smile.

"That was fucking great." - You express your admiration. He reaches for you and connects your lips in a kiss. You return the gentle kiss, which turns into a passionate one as Jungkook uses his tongue with more intensity. It sets you on fire again. God, are you really that insatiable? Or is it just Jungkook who's driving you crazy?

"You didn't think it was over, did you, baby?" - Jungkook purrs against your as he parted lips. You weren't thinking. You weren't thinking about anything at all. Your thoughts are killed by a good orgasm. "It's time to go for a ride." - He says. You don't mind at all. Even though you've had a great orgasm, you want to feel Jungkook's cock filling you up. You'll never get tired of it.

You get up to move when Jungkook stops you. He pushed you back against your hips with his hands. You turn your face to him in confusion.

"You're going to ride like this. You don't need to turn around. Let's try a new angle." - Jungkook explains.

"Okay. But Kook... don't cum in me again." - You ask him. Chunguk doesn't answer. Suddenly you feel a his hand on your throat. Jungkook puts you as close as possible to his strong chest and you feel the joke of his body. He squeezes your throat with a little pressure. Your breathing speeds up, and so does your excitement.

"I'll decide if I want to come in you or on you." - He growls in your ear. Your stomach jumps. That bossy voice, the way he turned it on again. You get a thrill out of it. You know you shouldn't provoke him, but you want to.

"You don't get to decide." - You say. "If I get pregnant, you'll be sorry." - You provoke. Jungkook bites your ear. You whimper.

"You won't get pregnant, baby. Because you're a good girl who takes her medicine. And it looks like you need to buy a course of birth control so I can come inside you every time we have sex." - Jungkook says. God, the thought of him cumming in you, because as he said earlier, "signing you", makes you a little wild.

"So If I'm a good girl, then maybe you'll put me on your cock already?" - You ask with a challenge. Jungkook turns your face around, capturing it with his hand and kissing you uncontrollably. You're so hot between the two of you. It's crazy.

"I'd love to." - Jungkook replies, releasing your face. He lifts you up and you stand on your feet slightly bent over. You feel the tip of his cock pressing against your hole. Jungkook isn't stretching you like he usually does, so despite the wetness, you feel a little uncomfortable. You don't know why, maybe because of the new angle. You bite your lip, and when you fully sit down on the length of the Jungkook, you calm down. The discomfort disappears, giving way to bliss.

Your friend kisses your shoulder as you sit still, getting used to the size. He doesn't rush you, because he realizes that you are not stretched.

"Your tight pussy wraps around my cock so well, doesn't it?" - He whispers in your ear.

"Yes..." - You breathe out. You want to tell him how good it feels, but the sensations you're experiencing down there make you forget how to say it.

The new angle with which Jungkook fills you with his cock makes it seem even more painful. It seems to penetrate right into your stomach. You move your hips to push Jungkook's length out and almost instantly sink down on it. It feels like pure ecstasy. You freeze because your walls are sensitive and they contract. Jungkook is moaning behind you. He feels it too, and he needs to hold back so he doesn't come so fast.

"Fuck..." - He curses. "Fuckin' shit. You're so tight, baby." - It sounds like a compliment. You smile through your pleasure and decide that this compliment is a good incentive to continue. You start moving on Jungkook's hips. The friction is just perfect. You moan loudly and feel your friend squeeze your sides.

While you're chasing your orgasm, riding relentlessly on his lap for a while, Jungkook takes the vibrator out of the box. He turns it on and you hear the noise of vibration. Jungkook puts it against your clit and you seem to lose your head.

The vibration from the dildo spreading across your clitoris creates a feeling of euphoria. As Jungkook moves the vibrator up and down, you're desperately trying not to go crazy. It has never felt so good. After a moment, the knot in your lower abdomen bursts and you moan, stopping moving. The overstimulation is making you disoriented. Jungkook removes the vibrator and grabs you with his hands.

You fall against him, exhausted and breathing heavily. Your head is leaning against his shoulder and you are breathing heavily. Your bodies are sweaty, and the windows in the car behind you are fogged up. You think it's over, but you're sitting on Jungkook's cock, which hasn't come and is still hard inside you.

"Baby, are you okay?" - He asks. You purr to confirm that you're fine. You just don't have the strength anymore. But you realize that Junguk didn't have his orgasm, and you don't know what to do. "Get up and lie down on the seat." - He says. You struggle to get up, and you and Jungkook switch places. You lie down on the seat, almost resting your head against the door. Jungkook is hanging over you and you notice how hard and needy his cock is. He's going to fuck you lying down, it'll even be more comfortable for both of you.

When Jungkook enters you for the second time, he slides into you almost perfectly. As usual, he rocks his hips to find the right angle and starts to drive his cock into you with slow, deep strokes. You put your arms around his shoulders. You put one hand in his silk hair and enjoyed the way he skillfully fucked you.

Jungkook's movements were slow, driving his cock deep into you as if he was enjoying every stroke. You moaned into his ear. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, burning you with his breath. This moment seemed so loving. He was fucking you so gently but passionately at the same time. And you could feel Jungkook's thrusts making you feel an orgasm building up.

"Please, Kook..." - You exhale, urging him to give you a third orgasm during this sex. He lifts his head and kisses you. Your tongues dance together as if made for a perfect tandem. You see him accelerate his hips and you come on Jungkook's cock three times in half a minute.

You moan loudly and long, squeezing the length with your walls. Jungkook is chasing his own orgasm, slamming into you quickly, prolonging your pleasure. He comes inside you. Not because he wanted to, as he said before. He didn't have time again. Or did he really not want to?

You feel his cum filling you. You're not surprised anymore. Just don't let God get you pregnant. You're compelled to buy a course of birth control pills.

Jungkook crushes you with his muscular body. You are both breathing heavily and exhausted. Jungkook softens inside you and you lower the legs he was holding and put them on the sides of Jungkook's body. You lie there for a while to recuperate.

Jungkook is the first to move. He smiles at you when you open your eyes.

"Are you alive?" - Jungkook asks. He's sorry you look tired. But he enjoyed having sex with you. It doesn't matter that it's the second time you've had sex since the big quarrel in Japan.

"I'm alive." - You answer with a tired smile. Jungkook finally pulls out of you. He gives you some tissues so you can clean yourself up. He also uses them and gets dressed. When you are dressed too, you decide what to do next. Jungkook could take you home to rest, but he wants to stay with you as long as possible. You go to the city center and buy coffee.

You suggested going for a walk in the park by the lake and Jungkook agreed. He was a little angry at the way you were dressed, so you quickly reassured him off. There's no need to worry, you're not cold.

You wanted to finally talk about your relationship. Because you needed to finally know who you were to each other.

"Jungkook-ah." - You called out to him as you walked silently hand in hand along the alley along the lake.

"What, baby?" - He replied.

"Can I ask you something?" - You asked, feeling your heart speed up.

"Of course. Ask." - Jungkook replied.

"This might be a very rude thing to ask... I just want to clarify..." - You tried to find the right words for both of you. Jungkook stopped. Your nervousness is transmitted on him. His heart was beating faster too, but it wasn't as frantic as yours. He sees that you intend to ask about something important.

"Speak directly. What do you want to know." - Jungkook said impatiently. You looked at him in confusion.

"I just wanted to know who we are now. Are we still friends...?" - You were about to ask "is there anything more" but Jungkook beat you to it.

"Yes, we're still friends." - He answered too quickly. You froze and then smiled in disappointment. Of course you're not going to be his girlfriend. Why did you ever think he would want to go out with you?

"Okay…whatever." - You said dryly with a hint of disappointment in your voice. Letting go of his hand, you threw the glass of finished coffee into the trash and walked on, leaving him behind. Jungkook smiled at you as you walked away. He realized that you were going to ask not only about friendship.

He also threw the glass in the trash and caught up with you. He turned you to him, pulling you by the waist. You looked at him indifferently.

"I guess you had something else you wanted to ask me?" - Jungkook said, smiling at you. You held back your smile as best you could.

"No. Not anymore." - You said offensively, turning your head away. He used his hand to bring your gaze back to his face and kissed you. You instantly melted from this tender loving kiss with a cappuccino flavor.

"Go ahead baby, you can ask me anything." - Jungkook said. You smiled shyly.

"I was going to ask if we're still friends or more?" - You finally decided. Jungkook was expecting you to ask that. It's obvious to him that you've been a couple for a long time. He's got some pressures about it, but he can handle them. You, on the other hand, seem to need official confirmation.

"How would you like it?" - He replies with a question to a question. You can hear your heart pounding in my ears.

"I like you." - You confess. Jungkook freezes. These words you say have been his goal for years, and after all this time, you say it. Jungkook kisses you on the lips without warning. You raise your eyebrows, not expecting him to attack you like that. Jungkook took both hands to your face, and you reflexively grabbed his elbows. You gently squeezed the fabric of his jacket. The kiss deepened. Your lips moved slowly, but you could feel the growing passion with each new touch. He was warm and viscous, like honey, and at the same time awakened a hot wave in your chest that rolled from your heart to your fingertips. Your breath mingled with his, making it feel as if the whole world had narrowed down to this moment, to this touch.

"I like you too, baby." - Jungkook confessed to you as he enjoyed kissing you. You smile, your heart flutters, and your stomach is full of butterflies. "I've liked you for so long. Besides you've been mine for a long time." - He says as he nibbles on your lips. It seems like something unreal, something that would never happen for you. But here you are, confessing your love for each other.

You kiss again until you are interrupted by Jungkook's phone ringing. It's quite late, who could be calling him at this hour? Jungkook reluctantly pulls away from your sweet lips and takes the phone out of his pocket. You see the name "Jimin" in time to see it.

"Yeah, buddy." - Jungkook says as he picks up the phone.

"Hey, kid. Where are you?" - You hear Jimin's voice. There are no people around you and the park is quiet at this hour, so you can hear what he's saying clearly.

"I went to Suwon." - Jungkook replies calmly, looking at you. The two of you are still in an embrace.

"Put up with Y/N?" - Jimin asks.

"Yes." - Jungkook says shortly.

"So did you make up with her well? Like a real man?" - Jimin continues his interrogation playfully. Jungkook snorts into the phone. You laugh quietly, too. Oh that Jimin. He was always trying to matchmake you two.

"We made up." - Jungkook just says. "Why are you calling? To ask about it?" - Jimin is tensely silent for a while, and then answers.

"Kid... I tried to hide it as best I could, but I got caught up in it too... Namjoon found out about the devices. He wants to see you." - You felt everything inside you tighten into a tight knot. Jungkook's brows drew together and his black eyes darted between yours. You couldn't read what he was feeling on his face, but he seemed upset and very angry.

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[readerinsertsaremyguiltypleasure]

A Woman’s Worth: Prologue

Pairing: Billy Russo x Female Reader

Rating: Mature (18+)

Author’s Note: This is an AU of sorts, where Billy has ended his dealings with Rawlins and never betrayed Frank.

Summary: You and Billy have been friends for years, and you are pretty sure you’ve been in love with him for most of that time. But when one of his flings looks to be something a little more serious, you decide it may be time for you to move on. Unfortunately for you, Billy is a man with enemies in high places, and you are an easy target.

Story tags: Friend!Reader, Inexperienced!Reader, Protective!Billy, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Jealousy, Thoughts of Cheating, Manipulation, Kidnapping, Angst with a Happy Ending, Smut

-------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter One >

William Rawlins eyed the empty glass in front of him with disdain. It wasn’t the dirtiest thing he had ever drunk from, but it wasn’t exactly clean either. This dive bar was definitely not up to his usual standards, but it was where his newest contact wanted to meet, and they had been very insistent.

Speaking of…

‘Got you the same again, Boss,’ said Milo Kruger, placing a full glass in front of Rawlins. It was just as dirty as the last one.

‘Don’t call me that,’ said Rawlins before taking a sip of his drink. ‘You haven’t proven you can get me what I want yet.’

Milo just smiled annoyingly. ‘Have no fear, I can do it. Everybody has a weak spot, even Billy Russo.’

Billy Russo… the one that got away. Years ago, when Russo had been nothing but a marine with dreams of wealth and power, Rawlins had had him under his thumb. All it had taken was a little cash, and Russo had been willing to do almost anything asked of him.

Emphasis on the almost.

It wasn’t often someone walked away from William Rawlins and lived to tell the tale, but Russo had been one of the lucky few. Not long after setting up his security company Anvil, he had ended his business with Rawlins and had paid back the money given to him. Well, someone had paid back the money. It seemed that Russo had friends in low places. Low enough to make even Rawlins think twice about trying anything. Which was why he was having to resort to more subtle means of retribution.

‘So, what’s his weak spot?’ he asked Milo, gritting his teeth when the man’s smug grin got even wider.

Milo slid a photograph across the stained table.

‘Her.’

Rawlins picked up the photo with renewed interest. In it, Russo was walking along the river with a woman who, if it weren’t for the man beside her, looked very unassuming. In fact, she looked quite plain indeed. She did have a nice smile though, which was on full display as she laughed at some joke that Rawlins would never know of.

But it was Russo’s smile that caught Rawlins’ attention. The ex-marine was looking down at the girl next to him with a tender expression that Rawlins had not thought the man capable of. One could almost call it loving.

‘Good work,’ he told Milo, albeit a little reluctantly. ‘Trust Russo to keep even his girlfriend a secret. Though, I suppose she is a step down from his usual conquests. Can hardly blame him for hiding her.’

‘Oh, they’re not together,’ said Milo, waving away the idea and the praise. Rawlins raised the brow above his good eye. ‘And she was very easy to find once I knew where to look. She’ll be an easy way in. Trust me.’

Rawlins considered it for a moment. Going after Russo and Anvil was a risky move, and he needed to be covert, but the reappearance of Frank Castle meant that time could be an issue. As far as he knew, Castle wasn’t onto him yet, but that would eventually change.

And Castle had already proven himself a threat on his own; with Russo’s help and resources, he’d be damn near unstoppable.

Coming to the conclusion that this was the best opportunity he was likely to get any time soon, Rawlins held out his hand. ‘You have yourself a job, Milo. How long until you put a plan into place?’

Milo shook the offered hand. ‘Already on it, Boss.’ His gaze shifted past Rawlins, and he smiled flirtatiously at someone across the room, giving them a wink for good measure. Rawlins turned around just in time to see the cocktail waitress look away with a shy smile that matched the one in the photograph he was still holding.

For the first time since arriving at the bar, Rawlins smiled.

‘Well, don’t let me stop you.’

[d6rkroom]

— ‘𝗻𝗼𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼.’

finn mcnamara x top!male reader. (wc; 1.7k)

#a/n: this took way longer than it should've, my apologies fer’ that! BUT THANK YOU ELIAN FOR GIVIN’ ME THE GENERAL IDEA FOR THIS, I HAD A TON OF FUN WRITIN’ IT! YER’ BIG BRAIN AS HELL!

warnings. forced breeding, dubcon, mentions of cheating, possessive behavior, degrading k., dumbification, brat taming, sex infront of a mirror, manhandling, belly bulge, cum inflation, implied mpreg.

it was expected, it was only a matter of time before his olden behavior caved in on him and he relapsed right back into those sickly habits from nothing more than a year prior.

finn mcnamara was a slut. a dirty, good for nothing cheater. you knew his loyalty was short lived— his drive for exploration and choas secured that lucid notion in your brain ever since the two of you had started your dating journey.

how naive were you to untrust your heart with him, so utterly idiotic.

there you were, fingers curled around the doorknob as you lay in wait for your boyfriend to take note of the new presence clouding the room. your face was sheathed in coats of not shock, nor distaste— just inflicted with an expressionless disappointment. whatever bit of rage that fogged your mind swiftly dissolved along with his sexual mate that accompanied your spot on the bed.

nonchalant as ever, he sent a sloppy smile your direction; probably as a result of whatever poor pounding he just received from the rather small looking guy who was just in your room. pathetic, he couldn't even wait a few hours for your attention so he tossed aside his pride and let his greedy hole get creamed by someone at least half your size.

“satisfied with yourself, whore?” a satirical snear contorted your lips. one he knew a little to well, one he could tell apart from your usual one. the one you would often flicker as the two of you conversed. he knew you loved him, as did he; yet, the outcome of pushing your buttons was one he couldn't shake the craving for.

“hah, as satisfied as ever— sweetheart.” his first mistake was underestimating your tolerance for his bullshit. the second was letting that sour chuckle rip past his throat.

he was already exposed, clothes abandoned along side his dignity. letting such a inexperienced and second option hook-up ruin his beautifully stretched hole was baffling to you. was he really that desperate to have his ass filled and feel full for the remainder of the evening? you already knew the answer to your own inquiry.

he sputtered out a few words that glazed past your ears and straight out the back of your head. you had no care to hear any other soft attempts to convey how what he committed was mistake or how his body was now yours for the night. you had tunnel-vision set on his spend, plump ass that was already wiggling in the air— contrast from his cheek, which was pressed into the matress.

you give a harsh smack on the milky flesh, making finn’s lower half jolt in retaliation; halting his train of thought and stopping his tongue mid monologue. his hands instinctively sink into the pillow beneath his neck. you shift your weight, prying his thighs apart and spreading his cheeks wide open; the perfect view. the head of your cock, flushed red and throbbing gives a few pokes at his pulsating rim which is already venting around nothing.

you give his hole a few, firm slaps from the length of your shaft. beckoning that bratty inclination from out from beneath him— you wanted to hear those lips bark out your name. persuading you to rock in and out of his useless body.

“you want that? my cock to just slip right inside you without need for an apology? without regard for what i just caught you doing in, our bed?”

you almost give in, but you're smarter than to let finn get what he so desperately wants, that easily. rubbing your palm into his hips, small pats connecting with the side of his abdomen insinuate he fetches the mirror from the corner of the bedroom. no words were required in the exchange, he knew his place— plain and simple. and he sure as hell knew what you silently commanded he do.

an exasperated groan grumbles from the depths of his chest, his tongue clicked in annoyance at the sudden expectation for him to remove himself from his lewd position. so stupid, he throws away your years of love to get fucked by some stranger and then complains as you whisk him away from the sheets. he had driven you to your witt's end.

“excuse you, cunt? did i just hear you protest, after cheating in my bed, in my house? don't forget who owns you.”

his blood ran cold and the hairs on the back of his neck sprung to life with an accompanying chill that relished up his spine. his shoulders visibly cringed at your tone as he wasted no time flipping over and hoisting the mirror slowly to the foot of the bed. with the reflective piece of glass now fitted nicely as it leaned against the bedframe— finn crawled atop the messy array of sheets.

“y/n look.. m’sorry don't-” he wasn't allowed to finish, at least not anymore he wasn't. you weren't going to let him disrespect your authority under your roof any longer.

without thinking your hand reaches to unbuckle your belt, fingers toying with the zipper and button respectively. tugging your pants and boxers down without caution— you carded a few free fingers into his messy, mop of hair. digging into and only making it a much more noticable mess than before as you yanked his face to meet yours.

you felt a guley glob of spit collect under your tongue, shooting the wad right between his eyes; saliva leaking down the bridge of his nose and bleeding onto his upperlip. you knew how he adorded being tossed around like trash, better yet, treated as such. he was getting off to this, his eyes pooling wide with lust everytime a vulgar insult leaped from behind your teeth.

he tries not to let his words slur as you play with his still, very tender asshole. breath hitching every step of the way as you spin him to face the direction of the mirror. his hole was still lubed and wet from his previous visitor, giving you very easy access with little push or resistance.

his eyes roll back, you keep your gaze attentive on his decoy on the other side of the glass. your fat cock streaching him out has his lips parting to release a squeal of appreciation, a lavish burn following close suit as you sink deeper inside of him. he's not regretting his choice to unturn his devotion towards you; not yet at least.

“getting off to this slut? look at yourself, i haven't even started to really fuck you yet. pathetic.”

finn’s eyes are trained on his reflection, the look of tragedy curling over his spit-slicked lips. he could feel how deep you were, reaching spots he didn't even know were there. he can also make out the veins on your cock dragging along his walls and you're right; he is getting off to this. it felt so good— he felt so good— it all was good.

you rut into his ass like a feral animal, grunting cocktailed with sour remarks to keep the tension rising. instinctively he clings onto the fabric beneath him for dear life, knuckles fading from bright red to a pale white. through the fog of pleasure clogging his mind, he can only keen out an audible ‘yes’ to all of the questions and words that jumbled from your mouth.

with your eyes fixated on the way his skin ripples and jiggles against your hips, the fat riding up onto yer’ waist with the brutal pace you keep. he attempts to protest with how close he feels himself getting, only to be cut off by one hard slam after another— cock drilling into his tight little hole with intentions to impregnate him.

concepts of his usualy flat tummy growing round and bloated as you fucked it full of your little swimmers now press into your mind. each seed racing to see which will be the one to knock up your boyfriend; rendering him yours forever. your vigor prevails, motivated by the sole image of your slut giving birth to one, maybe two of your genetic creations. your offspring.

finn wonders if the cheating scandal really has your stamina skyrocketing, that is until through the intoxication of your speed— he realizes. fuck, you don't have a condom. he can't get pregnant, as much as he'd want to settle down with you he has way to many jobs that would release him from employment if they found out he had a baby in his belly. you wouldn't do that to him, would you? you knew how near and dear traveling from place to place, job to job was to him. was this punishment?

“sweeti- ah! y/n c-condom!”

even with his tongue tripping over ever other word, you could decipher the clutter of gibberish all too well. he had figured out your plan to breed his tiny body.

“oh? that silly thing? i gotta make you my wife, remember? just a stupid little whore who can only work from home. nobody wants to fuck a pregnant bitch. maybe that'll teach you to keep it in your pants.”

“n-no— ah-! fuck..”

your words sent tingles over his scalp, squelching noises resonate through the air mingled with your bitter laughter. drool starts to seep from the corners of his mouth and tears begin to well up in his eyes as he watches his mirror double get impailed by the outline of your cock. he knows soon that a small child will fill the roll of your shaft, he can't do anything but try to resist as the idea of your warm, stick love flooding his womb only grows on him.

at this point, all finn is doing is whimpering on your cock, degrading making the pressure behind his thighs hotter and his ass tighter. that familiar knot twisting in his lower stomach begging to snap as you roll into his prostate with a hunger glistening in your eyes. you flip finn on his back and catch his bottom, wet lip between your teeth and tug with the push of your hips. eye contact is never broken as your hot load spurts long and sticky ropes through his ass and into his belly. so full, he's so positively full as he feels your genes enter his boy womb— effectively impregnating and painting his gummy walls with white fluid.

soon a bunch of mini you’s will roam the empty spaces in your home and you'll start the perfect family together. you had planned to make him your bitch for quite some time, but the cheating only sped up the inevitable. finn sobbed into the crook of your neck; protruding tummy poking at your abdomen as he loosely attached to you.

the whole ordeal would be burned into his brain and yours, the mirror serving his eyes a sick reminder that he was now tasked with carrying your kid. forever.

[stina-is-a-punk-rocker]

jacqueline wilson’s ‘love lessons’

tw: abuse, pedophilia, characters making Bad Decisions, long unnecessary spiel about my childhood like I’m running a recipe blog

It’s funny how loads of the authors who helped shaped me into the vaguely humanoid being I am today have names beginning with the letter ‘J’; Judy Blume, Jeff Kinney, John Green, J.K. Rowling (yikes, I know) … and Jacqueline Wilson.

I’ve never owned a Jacqueline Wilson book of my own; they were always borrowed from a friend, or from a friend of a friend, or from a friend of a cousin- you get the gist. Her books, for me, come with an entire aesthetic: something reminiscent of yard sales, and reading under the covers with a flashlight, and being lulled into a false sense of security by the deceptively innocent Nick Sharratt illustration on the cover until someone’s best friend gets mowed over.

So I knew what I was getting into when I picked up Love Lessons. I knew this was going to be Fucked Up; and boy, was I right.

(Here’s the part where I warn you about spoilers.)

From an abusive dad to creepy child predator teachers to slut-shaming and victim blaming, this book has it all.

The main character is Prudence ‘Prue’ King, who is homeschooled at the beginning of the book, along with her sister, Grace. Their parents remain rooted in the early twentieth century, and are very strict about- well, everything. No TV, no computers, not a single mobile phone in the house; their clothing worse than the orphans’ from Annie; and their father remains distinctly distrustful of modern institutions like the school and the hospital; and so on, and so forth.

Daddy King suffers a stroke, and has to be taken to the hospital. Meanwhile, Mrs. King (a floppy, spineless woman who lives in fear and awe of her, frankly horrid, husband) sends the girls to school, behind the then invalid Mr. King’s back. Cue Prue and Grace being the freakshows of the school, with their strange clothing and overbearing mother.

Grace manages to make friends, but Prue remains alone. The kids are dicks, the teachers are dicks… well, all of them but one. And that’s the art teacher, Mr. Raxberry (I just couldn’t get over that name; it seems like something you’d name a mythical plant from Pixie Hollow or some shit. I’m assuming it isn’t an actual name, since the spelling & grammar check on my computer doesn’t seem to recognize it), or Rax, as he’s called.

Oh, yeah; Prudence’s favorite subject in school is art, and she’s a whiz at it. This is relevant, because reasons.

And here’s where stuff gets murky. Prue develops a crush on Rax- which is perfectly normal. I’m definitely no stranger to it; I’ve had crushes on my teachers, my mum admitted she used to think one of her professors was cute. And yeah, as I grew older, I grew out of those crushes and now have a markedly more refined taste in men (unless he’s 5’ 7’’, born in ’97 and named Bang Chan, I don’t want him); and my mum married my dad, so I’m assuming she did, too. Admittedly, now that my dad teaches at a university, it’s icky to think that there might be students who have crushes on him- but I digress.

My point is, loads of us have liked our teachers. But I doubt the majority of us have acted on it.

And Prue actively showing her interest in Rax isn’t the worst part. That’s a spot reserved for Rax reciprocating her feelings.

Guess Ezra Fitz and Ms. Grundy (yes, I watched Riverdale; please don’t cancel me) have a new addition to the Creep Club.

The age of consent in the UK is 16, if I’m not mistaken. Prue is 14. She’s just barely become a teenager, and she’s being preyed upon.

Because that is what Rax is. He’s a predator; he preys upon this vulnerable girl who’s never been in a relationship before- hell, she’s never even had friends- her father’s abusive, so she obviously doesn’t have the best experience when it comes to men- she’s unpopular at school, with the students and staff alike- and he lures her in. I don’t care how bloody nice he is to Sarah, or what a good dad he is (well, he’s really not, seeing as he cheated on the mother of his children WITH A BLOODY FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD CHILD)- the guy’s a fucking pedophile.

I was staunchly stuck at a yellow light with him; like, sure, maybe Prue thinks he’s flirting with her- maybe she’s looking at this all wrong, she doesn’t know how relationships work- see, he drew a picture of Sarah, too, in his secret notebook- Prue’s just reading into this too much- up until he says he loves her.

Dude. Humbert fucking Humbert. She’s fourteen, for Christ’s sake, and you’re married. You have two children. She’s a child. She’s probably closer to your son’s age than she is to yours.

(This is the part where I bury my head in my pillow. And scream. Extensively, and with passion.)

The book does make some genuinely good commentary on slut-shaming and victim blaming and abusive parenting. And on one hand, I can see why so many people find issue with the romanticization of the when I kissed the teacher trope- but I can defend it, too.

The book is in Prue’s perspective. She thinks she’s in love with Rax, so obviously, she’s not going to throw in some valuable moral at the end- because she’s too young and inexperienced to think otherwise. And sadly, there are loads of instances of child abuse that go unreported because the victims just don’t know better.

What I have issue with is how the school dealt with it, ultimately. Prudence, a child, has to deal with the consequences of the actions of a literal child predator. Sure, Rax ‘clears his name’ by cooking up some bullshit story about how it was only a crush and he didn’t encourage it, but you’d think other adults would know better and, oh, I dunno- dig deeper into it, instead of blaming it on a child?

“She says you told Mr. Raxberry you loved him and he held you in his arms and fondled you.”

Which Prudence denies, because, again, she doesn’t know better. She then goes on to say that they did nothing wrong. To which the adult speaking to her, in this case, the principal, Miss Wilmott, goes on to say:

“I’m not sure that’s entirely true… I feel that there are some aspects of your friendship that could be considered inappropriate.”

FYI, lady, he kissed her- multiple times (not that kissing her once makes him any more redeemable), and told her he loved her, and admitted to fantasizing about running away with her and leaving his family behind. Fun fact: do you know Prudence is underage?

You’d think that Miss Wilmott would maybe give this whole fiasco a favorable ending, but it turns out she listens to school gossip;

“I haven’t been at all happy with your attitude. You don’t seem to understand how to behave in school. I’ve heard tales of unsuitable underwear and then a silly romance with one of the boys in your class. I feel that in the space of a few short weeks you’ve made rather a bad name for yourself… I don’t know whether you intend to be deliberately insolent but you certainly come across as an unpleasantly opinionated and arrogant girl… I can’t help feeling that you’ll be much better off elsewhere. I shall try hard to engineer a suitable transfer to another school.”

And then she comes out with this gem:

“If you won’t leave, then I shall have to ensure that Mr. Raxberry finds another position.”

“No, you can’t do that! He’s a brilliant teacher.”

“You should have thought of that before you started acting in this ridiculous and precocious manner. If I were another kind of headteacher, I would have Mr. Raxberry instantly suspended. There could even be a court case. He would not only lose his job, he could find himself in very serious trouble. Did you ever stop to think about that?”

Girlboss, gaslight and gatekeep. The fucking trifecta.

Also, by ‘another kind of headteacher’, does she mean the kind of headteacher WHO DOESN’T LET CHILD PREDATORS ROAM FREELY WITHIN THEIR HALLS?

This bitch is out here blaming a child, a literal child, for the crimes of an adult man.

The only time Prue seems aware of the fact that Mr. Raxberry is actually a very shit person is her immediate thoughts that follow after she tells Miss Wilmott she’ll take the fall;

I so wanted to save darling Rax- and yet why hadn’t he wanted to save me? Had he told Miss Wilmott it was all my fault, that I’d got a ridiculous crush on him, that I’d made ludicrous advances to him? … I wanted to tell this horrible, patronizing woman how hungrily he’d kissed me, but I couldn’t do it. I loved him. I had to help him.

NO, SWEETHEART; YOU MOST DEFINITELY DO NOT.

And maybe I’m going overboard with all these excerpts, but here’s what Rax has to tell Prue, after school, following her expulsion:

“I let her think the worst of you, the best of me, just to save my skin. I said it was ridiculous talking about a love affair between us. I said you simply had a crush on me, and that I was just trying to be kind… You were brave enough to stand up to me and force me to acknowledge the truth… I love you… That’s why I had to take a risk and see you this one last time. I didn’t want you to think I didn’t care… Every night when I close my eyes, I’ll think of us together in this car and how badly I wanted to drive off with you. I’ll imagine us walking hand in hand at the water’s edge… I wish I wasn’t such a coward.”

(I burrow into the pillow further. I’m trying to suffocate myself.)

And that’s where I think Wilson went wrong. Sure, Prudence getting expelled for something that was completely out of her hands is unfair, and horrible, but it’s real. That shit can happen.

What’s bad is showing Rax in a positive light after all that. If only Wilson had written Rax to not be the Romeo he thinks he is. Make him ignore Prudence, throw her under the bus in front of her face, instead of this star-crossed lovers bullshit it’s made out to be. Show your younger audience that Rax is not a good man. I’ve got a little over two weeks left for my twentieth; I can see why this is unacceptable. But I was a little younger than Prue when I watched Pretty Little Liars, and my only gripe with Aria dating Ezra was that Noel Kahn was so much cuter.

It shows when you scroll down the Goodreads reviews; you’ve got adults giving it one or two stars, and teenagers giving it four or five, with their biggest complaints being, “but Toby was cuter!!!”

Other non-pedophilia related complaints regarding the book include: Prudence being unlikable- which I didn’t really notice, considering she reacted to some people way better than I would’ve, even at 19 (which probably says a lot more about me than it does about Prue, but oh well). Still, Prudence obviously isn’t the most prudent of people- and again, she’s fourteen. Look me in eye and tell me you weren’t an arsehole at that age (unless you’re fourteen now, in which case, I assure you that you’ll look back on yourself someday and go ‘wtf was I thinking’). Bringing up Toby’s dyslexia in an argument was low, though.

There were people who thought the Kings’ almost-Amish lifestyle was exaggerated and unrealistic, but I assure you, it may very well be real. There are 8 billion people on the world- it’s fair to assume that several of them are complete weirdos.

Grace was a sweet character, and I adored her with every fiber of my being. As were her friends Iggy and Figgy. Honestly, I would’ve loved a book about Iggy, Figgy and Piggy’s (mis)adventures too.

[anim3tingz]

Match-Up for zeepzo0p

Hey love! So, I decided to try something a little different for this match-up. It’s my first time doing this for a poly relationship so I hope it works out well. Enjoy! ❤️

Tag: @zeepzo0p

..........

My Hero Academia:

Taishiro Toyomitsu (Fat Gum) & Keigo Takami (Hawks)

Relationship Song: My Best Friend - Weezer/Summer Vibe - Forrest Nolan

First off, I just feel like y’all would make one hell of a cute throuple. Like, for real I can’t stop shipping y’all together.

Talk about the most laid-back and fun relationship ever. Both guys don’t take things too seriously and I feel they would be down to try anything.

So, if you’re feeling particularly spontaneous or get wrapped up in a new interest I could see them just going along for the ride and joining in on the fun. Say you get into an art phase. Like, you go all out buying supplies and whatnot. They’d be right beside you trying to paint, cross-stitch, whatever. I just see them taking part in whatever your current interest might be.

Keigo might say some sarcastic comments like, ‘Oh, yay! A new thing to waste our time & money on.’ But, don’t listen to him. Lol. He won’t admit it, but he actually finds your phases really cute. Plus, he actually likes how you open him up to other things he wouldn’t think he’d like. Taishiro, however, gets just as wrapped up as you. Lol.

Your food now...Damn. The 1st time you ever cooked for Taishiro he was hooked. Doesn’t matter what you make, this man is down. You want to try a new recipe? He’ll be your guinea pig.

It’s not a well-known fact, but Keigo is actually a pretty good cook. So, I could see the two of you cooking meals together and trying each other's new creations, bouncing ideas back and forth between each other. Lol. Expect him to play around a little bit, though. This is Keigo we’re talking about.

Both guys are very supportive of you wanting to go to culinary school, love. You follow your dreams. Your men are behind you every step of the way.

When you’re feeling a little stressed out or get the urge to partake in some “herbal medicine” I feel like Keigo would be the one to join you. He gets pretty chill when he’s on his high. Taishiro, however, tries not to partake. Lol. There was the whole ‘Munchie Incident of 2020’. His hit was a bit too strong that night and the munchies that ensued were quite insatiable. You and Keigo had fallen asleep only to awake later to see your entire house cleared of food. Poor baby was so embarrassed, he swore he’d never do that again. Lol. So, he leaves that to you and Keigo.

Movie/Streaming Nights!

Game Nights (Videogames/Board Games/Card Games)!

Keigo would be the one just sitting in the background laughing as he watches his two idiots dance.

You guys just love hanging out together so pretty much any activity that involves y’all hanging out together you guys tend to gravitate toward. Y’all are legit best friends so you spend a majority of your time together.

Lord have mercy, when Keigo and Taishiro get together. Those two put the Weasley twins to shame. So, I hope you’re up for getting pranked on. Lol. But, don’t worry Taishiro won’t let things get too out of hand.

Taishiro tends to stand as the responsible party in your relationship. Lol. Keigo’s mouth tends to get him into trouble and mix that with your slight authority problem and well...You see why Taishiro has his hands full with y’all. :)

Taishiro is that stable, kind, supportive man, while Keigo is the funny, wise-ass, who secretly has a sensitive side. Speaking of which, because of his past, letting his emotions out has always been difficult but since getting together with you he’s been able to open up a bit.

PDA:

Each man brings a little something different to the table.

For instance sweet, romantic kisses and bear hugs are practically guaranteed with Taishiro.

Meanwhile, with Keigo...PASSIONATE kisses. Plus, this man likes to cuddle. Although, don’t expect him to admit to that. As mentioned before, he’s not the best at showing his emotion but baby boy does love you.

Jealousy? A little bit. Mainly on Keigo's end, though. You might not notice it, but Keigo is envious of the relationship you and Taishiro have. You guys just seem to be so much alike that he gets a little envious, at times. Taishiro, on the other hand, is the most secure in the relationship. He loves the fact that you and him have so much in common, but he also likes the sarcastic whims that Keigo brings to the relationship. He just knows you can count on him to bring humor to any situation.

Overall, this is just a great relationship. You guys just bring out the best in each other and aren’t afraid to try new things. Plus, what’s not to like being in a relationship with your best friends. Well, that and both guys are super hot, let’s be honest. Lol. But, really. I ship y’all so hard.

For more Fatgum/Hawks love check out this…(Click Here)

Black Clover:

Magna & Asta

Relationship Song: Break The Rules - Charlie XCX/Fallin’ - Why Don’t We

Where to start. Lol. Y’all are the most boisterous bunch EVER.

But, omg! It would be such a fun relationship.

I could just imagine you guys just talking for hours on end and never getting bored. Like, just imagine late-night convos under the stars on the roof of the base.

Whether you’re all together or one on one, the conversation just flows so easily between y’all. I think that’s one of the biggest selling points in this relationship. I mean, would you really want to be in a relationship where you can’t talk with someone? It’d be so boring.

Just like with Fatgum/Hawks, I see Magna/Asta being just as into your interest phases. These guys are such a spontaneous bunch. Lol. And, can you just imagine the humor and shenanigans that would ensue. Omg. I’d think you’d probably die from laughing so much. Especially, when the two start going at each other.

Just don’t leave these two alone together for too long. That’s when bad things tend to happen. Lol. These two LOVE to prank you. If you thought Fatgum & Hawks were bad...Honey, there’s no responsible party member here. Lol. You’ve been warned.

One funny thing about your relationship is how your cat reacts to them. Surprisingly your cat loves Magna, Asta though...Lol. Much like the anti-birds, your cat attacks Asta in nearly the same way. He doesn’t seem to understand why the cat hates him even after he’s brought him treats and toys. It’s sad, but oh boy...is it a funny sight to see.

Both babies LOVE your cooking. Like, when they hear you’re cooking they’re the first ones sitting down and practically drooling all over the table when you finally bring the food out. And, while you yourself aren’t a fan of spicy food you know Magna is and you always try to make sure to satisfy his spice cravings. Just know Magna never expects you to do that for him but he appreciates all the effort you make for him. It’s one of the many little things he loves about you. Now Asta...the boy has already guzzled down half of the buffet you laid out for the rest of the Golden Bulls. Lol. Have I mentioned he loves your cooking?

PDA:

Both babies are pretty affectionate and playful.

However, Asta is a little inexperienced, but he does his damnedest to impress you. He’ll get you flowers and let’s not forget he’d show off. A LOT. Lol.

Asta’s kisses are passionate, but a little sloppy. Like I said, he’s a little inexperienced, but after some time he’d get better. He just gets so passionate and excited that kisses often are a little rushed and sloppy. But, just know he just gets so excited whenever he’s around you he just can’t contain his emotions.

Magna...I see him actually being a romantic at heart. He’d be the smoother one of the two for sure. He loves to whisper compliments into your ear and give you forehead kisses. Plus, his kisses are...ugh. He’s a good kisser. And, that smoldering look he gives you when he goes to lean in...RIP.

Jealousy is normal between y’all. Mainly in terms of ‘you’re hanging out with so and so too much’ or ‘it’s my time with them’. They’re just like kids fighting over a toy at times. Especially Asta. Lol. That boy is just so in love with you. He just wants all your attention. Magna gets jealous too, but he mainly just fights over you to annoy Asta. These two I swear. Lol.

These boys love you so much, though. So, despite all their idiosyncrasies they always support you in whatever you choose to do. And, if you’re ever feeling low you can guarantee they’d be right there to lift you right back up. They love seeing you smile and laugh. You’re their baby and they’d do anything for you.

[onf-headcanons]

Another OFFICE AU aka CEO AU

A/n : Alas its not draft clearing but a brand new work for 2021 (but i still have some drafts as well)XD Hello, did any of you remember an idea dump I dropped for last year Christmas? you could easily guess which was it by tallying the mood board with the idea lists (*winks)

Setting :

1. OFFICE AU 2 , it is a brand new one where ONF member is a young CEO while you are his secretary. So I will name this one as CEO AU

Of course it does not hurt should you wanna imagine it as the already exist office au, using the idea dump posted for 2020 Christmas.

2. ONF MEMBER that I will integrate would be Hyojin and Seungjun as mentioned during the Christmas post, but I wont stop you for imagining other members, thats why in headcanons I will use ONF MEMBER instead their names. (For member X reader scenario)

3. In this headcanon, reader is slightly older than ONF member, maybe 2 or 3 years older. Same age is plausible, then it would be ONF member continued their studies further so they started working late.

ok lets go, beware its long and sorry if it is messy I tried my best to control 2 way storyline, I had fun writing but I know I am lacking much much more than I could notice. total 6k word count (dies)

1-1

• You work as assistant/secretary for the head of department/CEO in company before the young successor joins and his predecessor retires. • Because you tend to separate work life and private life, you established personality to look like ice queen on the outside (reality) but actually passionate carer on the inside (virtually). None of your colleagues knew, only your close friends • You have been using a chat app (not tinder type) for since you started intern, • 1. That app's specialty was anonymous. • 2. Its like a hideout spot where you can share and post whatever you love. (Because there are some co-workers added your FB or Insta and you felt it is a hassle to create another fake account exclusively to add people) • 3. Even though you tried and failed at 1 or 2 virtual relationships with other users, you never despise the thought of online dating. But you do know it’s not realistic so you never take it too seriously (it is also self-protection) • You would post some photos but mostly are just lunch pics, occasionally an outdoor view from your office floor, also some cute stationaries or accessories found on the way back home. (Just adding this trivia for fun linking the universe, maybe you pass by Minkyun’s flower shop as well?) • (It will be funny if your contents was more on sharing random idol pics that you follow, passionately promoting it hence creating a more impact contrast later when revealing) • One day you came across a post asking about what kind of cologne to buy for a predecessor who will be retiring. Being a good Samaritan, you leave a few suggestions under the post and did not really take it to heart, you forgot about it once you see the original author replied "Thanks" • Not knowing that 1 interaction would change your life forever.

1-2 • The next day, your superior announced his retirement and mentioned a young successor will join the company next month. And ONF member being the young successor does make rumors flying around the company, making people questioning his ability as he is related to company board of directors. The department you are in is under top 5 sales/profit bringing, so with a young successor would be inexperienced which might lead to drop of department reputation of course people are going to worry and gossip. • First impression with ONF member is actually ok. Well dressed, good looking and nice manners. The moment he followed his predecessor walks into the office floor, girls starts to make all sorts of gasping noises (lol) • Your superior mentioned that he bought a retirement gift for your superior deep down you approved at the selection of the cologne brand. • You might goes, this guy got sense, not bad. • One night after several days ONF member joined the department/company, you received a PM from a user, thanking you for the cologne recommendation. It took you a while to remember who it was. You politely replied him “You are welcome.” • The user also nonchalantly asked about how you can make such suggestion that pinpoints because by the glance at your profile, first impression could be very much misleading. • You just replied that you happened to know someone at that age who likes that type of scent hence the list of suggestions, what you did was just you taking the liberty to do a lucky guess. • Out of curiosity, you tap at the stranger’s avatar to get a glimpse of his profile, but out of your disappointment, there were no picture of his to know what he looks like. But there are pictures of scenery from places he travelled. • You also noticed that their “joined the app” days are way lesser than you are, quite a new user. • You found a few pictures of places you went before/ places that you want to go. Delighted, you started the conversation asking if he likes travelling and his next travel plans. • The other party replied briefly his plans and his experience during travels, from his words you know that he won’t be travelling overseas for the next 2 years as he had a new job and responsibility to learn. Instead he will be focusing on doing domestic travels. • His words made you reminisce your rookie days and you responded him that you understand him with empathy. You did not pry further but you do give him some encouragement, telling him that things will get better and once he got the hang of it, he will have more time on his own. (Yup at the moment you are thinking he is a freshman or newbie joining new company) • You timidly ask your new chat friend why they decided to join and use the app. He replied, “I don’t really play social media apps and I don’t want anyone to find me online, the anonymous system this app provides mental security for me.” • The reply was so different from those who are playing the app just for flirting and finding a quick date, you replied him, “Same as you.” • The conversation ends by the other party mentions he will need to be early for work and politely wishes you good night. The next morning you found the stranger has added you as friend, without any thoughts you tap on your screen and now you have a new mutual.

1-3 • Back to office, as ONF member is still new towards his scope of work, you would sometimes giving him advise and guides by sharing “What would his predecessor does.” or “What he can do by not violating company policy”. He takes advises well and would always inquire for your suggestion before making any critical decision. • Once he started to get the hang of it, you passed the torch of freedom to him because you are only a secretary/assistant. But he will still come to you, which you felt he was being dependent. (I feel if it is Minkyun, he will be more dependent should the scope of work is totally unfamiliar to him. Tendency of dependent to independent would be Seungjun, Hyojin, Yuto same par as Jaeyoung, Changyoon then Minkyun.) • (Of course sometimes there are some doubt raised regarding to policies and because he sees things in another perspective, you know he meant no harm but sometimes you wish he would just shut up and just follow the policy just for convenience sake+lessen damage. That’s because should any dissatisfaction of decision happens, colleagues will firstly come to interrogate you, hoping you to twist his decision or questioning your ability to lessen the damage done towards merit they/the department holds. AND YOU HATE PLAYING THOSE POWER MIND GAMES, even though the image you impose looked like you are skilled player.) • So there is some sense that being strict is you are trying hard to protect him and protecting yourself. • BTW ONF member, your new superior has a bright personality unlike his predecessor (huge reason is due to the age factor), even though inexperienced in work, he has good be friending skills. So people in the department felt it was less stressful working under him because he would do small talk with his underlings. (This hc is not suitable for Changyoon and Yuto during the beginning, due to their personality they would try but not suddenly initiating small talks on the first week joining.) • IT WILL BE FUNNY IF SOME FEMALE COLLEAGUE TOOK PITY ON HIM BY MENTIONING/GOSSIPING THAT YOU ARE TOO STRICT AGAINST HIM • Its not that you hate him or he does not have the ability to do his work, it’s just when he is standing on the opposing side against company policy it troubles you. • Every time when things like this happens, you would low-key complains by posting status on the chat app, mentioning you don’t hope for an understanding but you would hope those who are not in your shoes would shut up. Your mutuals mostly are office workers as well so resonates with your words. • Your new friend leaves a comment underneath the post you asking if you are doing alright, and hope you do not stress yourself too much. You thanked him for the mental support. • He will even PM you asking if you are doing alright, most of the time you don’t want to lose your cool plus you don’t think it is wise to abruptly rant towards a stranger as if they are emotional sandbag, so you will politely thank him and say that you are alright now. • Since you and your new friend work on the day, you two chat during the night and weekend, getting to know each other in a very casual pace. A bit of child hood and you both also shared your majors in studies. He told you that he used to study at overseas and he picked up hobby of travelling around a bit during those days. • You never turn on the app during lunch (to avoid people finding out) but your new friend does send you some messages during lunchtime. • As you and the new friend get to know each other, there has a few things in common, you two like talking about travels and you two read works by the same author • By the way the new friend is a he. You two are using ID names the whole time during chatting, because you have told him that you are not comfortable giving and knowing each other’s real name. He understands and respects that. • And you confirmed that he is slightly younger than you. Which you replied to him, “Oh my superior is same age as you.” • This new friend gives you a calm and mature vibe even though he is same age as your new superior. You could not help yourself but comparing. • The other party goes: “Wow, he must be a very successfully accomplished youngster.” • You go: “Nah, other than his outgoing personality that brings freshness to the department, he still got lots to learn.” • Your new friend then continues, “Your new superior is a lucky one, I can confidently say that because I have an excellent senior who would always look out for me.” • You respond, “Then you better treat them well.” • And he goes “Of course.”

1-4

• Work is as usual, possible you unintentionally eavesdropping and caught ONF member saying towards you (even better backing you up when some junior colleagues are reverse gossiping about you) : You know, Y/N might look cold and stern sometimes but actually a kind and gentle person. Y/N would always give out advice for the sake of the department/ company. • Cues you would fluster a bit by those words. • A few days later you are done briefing your superior their schedule. And ONF member suddenly ask if you are free for dinner. It’s already his 4th month in the company and wanted to properly thank you for guiding him with patience and prudence. • At first you wanted to decline him because you don’t want to deal with work related stuff after office hours, ALSO you don’t want anyone to start weird gossips. • Another reason is you don’t want to talk about yourself too much in front of your superior. Heck you even avoid your colleague’s invitations for dinner because you value your “me time” very much. • But looking at his anticipating face, you got soft and agreed that a coffee would suffice.  ONF member smiles at you suggest both of you to have coffee right now at Starbucks next to your company building. You are free to choose whatever drink you like. • Before both of you leave the room. And then you heard a familiar notification sound, you thought your heart is going to stop, that is the notification sound from the chat app you are using. You did not have your phone with you so it was obvious the sound comes from ONF member’s phone. • And that was a notification alert of the system has found someone nearby and presented to the user.  It got you curious and worried at the same time. • At Starbucks, ONF member had to answer a call, so you ordered his drink as well. • Later you see him start replying messages while waiting for orders to be done.  You wanted to have a peek at his user name but you are a few steps away and your instinct told you better don’t do that. What if it is already someone you already know? • “Curiosity killed the cat, remember?” You tell yourself. • Once you are at your desk, you took some deep breath to calm yourself and try to remember if you recalled wrongly but truth is you are accurate. You hurriedly checked you phone, there were no new messages and you are sure you have turned off location visibility.  Lucky for you it was never turned on to begin with. • You also kind of worried if your superior actually has a “fun” lifestyle after office hours. But, it’s hard to relate him to a playboy image when he looked like a friendly good boy. You shake your head and deny yourself. • “If (ONF member name) uses that app then I will need to be more careful.” you thought while sipping the frappe. So back at home, you started to alter all posts’ visibility to “Visible for mutuals only”. Took you nearly a whole night but better safe than sorry.

1-5 • More weeks pass by peacefully but one day a conflict happened between you and ONF member and some colleagues/minor members of the board.  He went ahead to announce that he decides (had a thought) to run a campaign/new rule (maybe a budget cut). The moment he finished his sentences, you know the seniors will not be happy with it. • Later after meeting, you politely confront with ONF member that he should discuss with you before announcing it on meeting. Plus, announcing without any advance preparation will put him and you in an awkward position as verbal announcement are not persuasive enough. Of course you are also worried that people might use this issue to tackle and exploit the cons of both of you being inexperience and young. • “With all due my respect, Mr.(ONF member name), it will be nice if you could discuss with me before dropping that bomb at the meeting.” you try not to sound fierce but your tone clearly does not sound you are cool with his actions at all. • “And later having you lecture me and stop me? You do know it was for the good of the company too right?” He retorts like usual • “Yes but no.” you try to fight back. “ It’s not that easy, there are people need to be dealt with and I don’t think you--” • Before you could finish, ONF member says with an eyebrow raised, “You don’t think I can handle it, because I am still unexperienced.” • You unconsciously frown and thinking, why is he suddenly trying to pick a fight deliberately today? Why is he suddenly trying to piss off seniors in the department/company? • ONF member then with firm tone, gives you suggestion, “Should you have anyone come to you and complain, tell them that you knew nothing at all and request them to talk to me directly instead.” • “I am the CEO, not you.” He adds. • You could not help but sigh, knowing there is not point arguing because he is not going to back down. And deep down you do know the new rule/budget cut will do more merit than harm. (Your focus is more on how deal with seniors employees not him for now because seniors are more pain in the ass compared to him) • But still there are people come to you and bug you while you are working and you can’t tell them to leave you alone hence it stresses you out. • You escape to the bathroom taking your phone with you and vents out at the app by posting a status mentioning you are just trying to do your job and wants a peaceful work days. • You also come across seeing your new friend posting a status prior your meeting time, it’s a photo of frappe you recommended him to try it out. He is thanking you for recommending it. • You could not help but feeling a bit jealous, should your title and work scopes are different/ should you are just normal employee rather than a CEO’s secretary, you might not need to face these kind of stress. • “Guess you have to bear what you signed up for huh?” you thought to yourself after 15 minutes cooling yourself down. • You switched your mind set and step out from bathroom. Returning to your place with your usual ice cold face. You are trying hard not to show that you are weak against stress. You are too immersed at people coming at you asking you questions, without knowing ONF member actually observing you with concerned gaze from his room. • That night, you receive a PM from your new friend asking if you are doing ok, as you never sound that upset before. He said he can lent an ear so you can tell him what happened. You spare him all the intricate details and tell him briefly that your superior made a mess and you need to clean it up also back his plan no matter you like it or not. • The whole progress he did not interrupt you nor tried to tell you what you should do, he let you type all the way until you finished. Once you are done, you asked, “I don’t know what might be up in his sleeves that it’s inconvenient for me to know beforehand but... Isn’t he a jerk, putting me into an awkward situation?” • Your friend backs you up and agrees with you that matters should be discussed, and critiques your superior actually could trust you more. • You thanked your friend for letting you to rant and mentioned you have accepted the fate because of the title and responsibility you hold in the company. That’s being professional and mature in office. • The other party replied that even if that is the case, he hope you don’t stresses yourself too much as it seems your new superior still needs your guidance and support. • You playfully replies, “Well I am not his babysitter XD, he will need to face a lot of issues by his own someday.” • “Why is that?” • “Well I can’t always be by his side though? I might get married and resign.” you reveal your future plans to your new friend, “Moreover, even I don’t resign, I might take pregnancy leave though?” • The other party comments, “I never thought you had that planned out.” • And he continues, “Your profile gives out the ‘I love my job so much.’ vibe” • You then back up your point by saying you do want that plan to work but too bad you are single now, so of course you are going to focus on your job more. Plus, you do not plan to find a partner in work place anyways. • The new friend leaves more supportive words and hoping it will cheer you up. By the end of the conversation, he also offers that you can come to him and rant should you need an ear. • You grin at his words and felt warm towards his actions. Rarely any of your mutual actually PM to check up on you. “Maybe he was just being nice.” you thought before you wish him good night.

1-6 • The next day, you are being summoned by your superior the first thing in the morning. He passes you a pile of documents and requests you to go through it. It a proposal regarding to the budget cut/new rule and he hope you can be his ally. His gaze is not as firm as yesterday, but it’s more of seeking approval and acknowledgement from you. • You let out a sigh and mutters, “You know, should you have hand this to me beforehand the situation won’t be that ugly.” And then you start to flip the pages. • “Sorry.” He apologizes. “But I really want to make it work. It’s also a handover work by my predecessor.” • “You look up upon him too much, ONF member, he is a sly fox just like the other seniors.” You do not mean to back stab but you are telling the truth. “Has it never come to your mind why he did not initiate the plan when he is here and requested you to initiate it when he is gone?” • “I know. But this move is going to benefit the company; I am willing to bear responsibility.” ONF member adds • You stop reading and look at your superior in the eye, “You better hope this work though, I don’t want my 5 months effort of guiding you goes to waste. And I hate the idea that I need to re- adjust my pace with a new superior.” • ONF member gets your intentions behind your words; he swiftly stands up from his chair and thanked you. “I owe you big one, Y/N. Another cup of coffee to thank you for reals?” • “No thanks, I will be busy. Next time.” You feel uncomfortable because the social distance between you two seems shortened, so you politely decline. • Luckily the whole budget cut/new rule policy worked out fine and by year end, benefits shows. You and ONF member can finally relax a bit knowing that you both have won the fight.

1-7 • Meanwhile, you did not stop interacting with your recent favourite friend. As you two got to know each other even more, both of you chat almost every day during the night. He never bores you and he can understand most of the topic you bring up. You are amazed that how can someone has so many things in common? • It spikes your curiosity and you ask him if a wonderful person like him has a partner in real life. He answers you that he is single, just like you are. • (You thought he is lying because he is such a nice guy, but of course you do tell yourself not to 100 percent trust everyone online) • Then he asks your opinion about online virtual dating. You honestly told him about your experience. But you added that even though you failed twice/thrice, you are not against it. • And that moment, you don’t know what has gotten into you, you playfully type, “You are asking my opinion on that as if you are preparing yourself” • “Prepare for what?” he asks • “To get yourself an online girlfriend.” You reply. • His respond reads, “Yes I am.” • “That’s wonderful. That girl you will be confessing is a lucky one.” • “Yea, indeed you are.” • You pause for a moment when you saw the message. • “Wait, you serious? ME??” you quickly send him the message because you thought should you hesitate longer, the mood will turn awkward. • He replies you by sending you a heart emoji. • You give a quick thought, well it is interesting chatting with him and he does seem nice. Plus, it’s online anyway, you could call it off should he becomes toxic and annoying like your previous experiences. • “I wasn’t sure if you are ok with someone like me. “He continues. “I am fine if you want to call it off should you found someone in real life later on.” • “Don’t be silly, that should be my line.” You retort him. • And then you have it, another secret. You have an online boyfriend now. You both even declared each other as a pair of soulmate publicly on the app. But you two did not exchange selfies, keeping the relationship virtual and anonymous. • However you two always share interesting stuffs happen on daily. New book, new cd, a random shot of a puppy or cat you met on the street. • Also before year end, you overheard girl colleagues gossiping about your superior has a girlfriend now; you are not interested at his private life so you just let it slide. • But you did briefly mention it to your boyfriend. Not in a gossip tone, more of a life update share. • Of course there are some girl colleagues that are ok with you comes to you, hoping you leak some information about ONF member’s rumoured girlfriend. But of course you know nothing at all, leaving them with disappointed answer. • Fast forward to the week before Valentine’s Day. It is also 10th month since ONF member joins the company. • Out of the sudden, your online boyfriend suggests you two to meet up. You are not against it, and it’s not like you never met anyone you know from the app. Thinking why not knowing a new friend in real life, you agreed his offer. (Also because you are curious what he looks like so that you can understand why he was single before dating you) • You even inquired his preference in chocolate and promise bringing him some on official first date. • Your boyfriend thanks you and suggests a place for dinner. You knew that place, it’s expensive and you could not help but wondering if he is trying hard to match you. (You still thinks he is just a normal employee in a company) • But, your boyfriend only replies: “Don’t worry, it is the perfect spot, I could not think of others that are suitable to our taste.” • You can only acknowledge it because you don’t want to have an argument to blow up but deep down you could not help yourself to start doubting again. • “It’s going to be Ok, right?” you question your decision, but it’s too late.

1-8 • On Valentine’s Day, younger female colleagues in your office give out chocolate treats to younger male colleagues as friendship presents, some of course using the occasion to confess. • You don’t have the habit of presenting chocolate treats as a token of friendship appreciation at the office. But you are giving your date chocolate treat later; you hid yours in your bag carefully scared of being teased should anyone saw it. • ONF member gets some too. One female colleague even teases him if he is going to get chocolate from his girlfriend. And ONF member replies that he might get it later that night. • Of course ONF member will asks you for chocolate treat with an innocent face, you just bluntly tell him that you don’t have the habit to give out chocolate treats, he only pouts after listening to your respond. • By the way today you unintentionally changed your makeup (lipstick or eyeshadow). No one dared to make any comments but not your superior, ONF member. • He goes: “Y/N ah? Did something good happen on you? Are you going to a date tonight?” • You are typing quick report and his words caught you off guard. You flinched at his words. Hoping ONF member did not notice, you quickly lied by telling him simply ran out of your usual makeup colour. • But your superior teases you a bit, “Aww, I was hoping I could attend your wedding in near future. “ • You have gotten used to his socializing pattern, so you counter him by asking if he is going to bring his girlfriend to have a nice dinner at a grand restaurant. • And to your surprise, he revealed the place he will be having dinner with his partner. It’s the same place where you are heading to later. He had a special room booked exclusively for tonight’s date. • “Oh, Oh… Have fun and enjoy your dinner.” You force yourself to break a smile. • ONF member only smirks at you and gives you a few pats on your shoulders and says he will have an unforgettable night before returning to his room. Leaving you questioning the meaning of his actions that are unpredictable but also definitely intentional. • Of course you had a quick thought asking your boyfriend if it is possible to change location, you could not bring yourself to ask as you are worried you might sound rude/arrogant trying to change plans on the last minute. You deduced that since ONF member will be having dinner in a room, you might not going to bump into him. You and your boyfriend can just finish dinner quickly. • You could not have that bother you too much time because you need to finish your report so that you can leave on time. Once it reaches the end of office hours, the others started to leave. You made up a plan to leave after ONF member leaves the office. You keep raising your gaze to have a slight peek towards your superior’s room. • Seeing him finally standing up from his chair and adjusting his suit. You can tell he is finally leaving. He passes through your desk and asks, “Y/N ah, please don’t tell me you are planning to work overtime during this special day?” • You only smiles and tell him you are going to finish soon, “Don’t you have a dinner to attend?” you remind him without looking at him, acting as if you are typing the remaining contents of your report. • “Yea I do. See ya.” ONF member waves you goodbye. • You leave the office after 10 minutes. (As for method of transport to the restaurant, I will leave it to your choice.)

1-9 • You reach the building of the restaurant. You let out a sigh, hesitating to step in nonchalantly knowing ONF member is inside there as well. The least thing you definitely do not want to happen is ONF member finding you having a dinner date tonight. It’s embarrassing and it will break the balance of your work and private life. • While you are pacing in front of the building with hesitation, you receive a chat notification from the app. You open it and it was your boyfriend, notifying you that he has arrived, and he reminds you the restaurant located at 38th floor. • You nervously bite your lower lip knowing it’s too late and it is rude of you to cancel the date on last minute. He was a decent person to chat with and you don’t want to lose a good friend. You are blaming yourself for agreeing to attend this date too casually. And you also find yourself way too wary of your virtual boyfriend’s thoughts towards you should you now called him to cancel the date. • Then you heard a familiar voice called out your name and you turn your head towards the voice unconsciously. It’s ONF member, walking out from the building. You flustered and panicked by just imagining scenarios of him asking why you are here and other many more questions. • “OMG…. Shit shit shit….!” You cursed in your head, regretting your life decisions. Recalling the entire chat context between you two, this might be the worst thing ever to happen in your life. • He is grinning while reaching out to grasp your hand. You unintentionally try to back away from him but he was faster. You tried to pull your hand away but he pulls you toward him instead. You nearly bumped towards his chest. • “Y/N ah, I told you its 38th floor; you did not get my message?” ONF member asks as his smirks widens. • As he finished his words, you only look at the young guy in front of you with disbelief, processing his words. Seeing you froze due to the big plot twist, ONF member taps you on your forehead hoping to unfreeze you. • “It can’t be…You are (ONF member’s ID in the app)?! “You exclaim. • “Yeap.” He responds. • “Impossible…How?” you ask. “How did you know it was me?” • “At first I had my doubt when I first saw an old post of yours. You shot a sunset pic from our office floor by the window near the lift right?” he returns with another question. And man he is good at remembering details. • “Then I confirmed that it was you by the time I announced budget cut/new rules for the company/department. ” he explains   • “I…” You could not bring yourself to say anything, but you are not an idiot, “(ONF member name), did you risked your reputation in the company just to find out a stranger’s real identity?” • “No, I did not, I swear. I initiated the plan to suddenly announce the budget cut because I want to find out which board seniors will make a move to cover up themselves, as requested from my predecessor.” He knows you well to sense that you are angry, and he quickly denied. “I only know it was you when I checked up on you. Since then I have been dropping so many hints for you to realize, but it seems like you are the dense one here.” • You can tell he is telling the truth. • “This is absurd…” you mutter while placing your hand on your forehead. • ONF member let out a sigh and he shifts behind you, places his hands on your shoulders then pushes you forward. “Come on, I am starving we can talk about it later, you did not had a decent meal during lunch as well right?”   • He is right, you only had a mini croissant during lunchtime.

• You follow him without a word to the entrance of the building and enter the lift to 38th floor. ONF member has booked a nice room that both of you can enjoy the city’s night view.

1-10 • It was a luxurious dinner but you are not in the mood enjoying it. In fact you are so stressed that you could not even taste your food. You did not touch your dessert at all. • You only quietly trace the shape of wine glass in front of you while looking at the night view, hoping the night to pass quickly. • “You are not happy with me being your date, Y/N?” he suddenly asks. • You jolted and you finally look at him in the eye for the first time tonight. • “You startled me, I am still trying to grasp the situation here.” You reply him with a low voice, trying to act calm by casually bring your drink closer to you and hydrates your throat. • “Hey Y/N-ah, I know you mentioned before that you don’t like the idea of dating someone from the office, but…” his eyes are fixed on you. “I like you. Not just the virtual you, but also the real you.” • “I called you a jerk.” You know you should not bring it up, but you still did. • “Which I did act like one so, no hard feelings.” He accepted. “I am truly sorry about that, I was trying to prove myself way too hard.” • Now it got awkward since he apologized without any complaints. You don’t know what to say and avert your gaze again. • “You know, Y/N ah, when you are stressed, you tend to avoid other people’s eye contact. “he breaks the silence.  “And you are doing that ever since you reached here.” • Upon hearing his words, you flinched and exchange eye contact with the young man sitting in front of you. • “And oh, and you flinch as well.” He adds, “Which is very adorable in my opinion.” • “(ONF member’s name), I …” you try to explain yourself but he cuts you off. • “It alright, you don’t have to push yourself, I have made you stressed out way too much today.” ONF member smiles at you while saying based on what he observed. • He finally stands up and offers to send you home. You could not decline him because you felt terribly sorry for ruining such as nice date. • “I am sorry, should it is another girl, it will be a terrific night for you.” You apologized before leaving his car. • “Don’t worry; it is an unforgettable night for me.” He responds with his usual smile. • Back at your place, you are frustrated that the night ended up in an awkward and weird way. You only noticed that you did not get to hand him the chocolate treats as promised. • You cannot sleep that night, gazing at the chocolate treats as you holding the package in your hands. You cannot tell if you messed up or you are lucky that he happened to like you. • You wanted to consult a random mutual of yours but you hesitated. Because at this point you are not sure if you actually have the full grasp on the situation. And you don’t want a biased reply. • “It’s just this boyfriend of yours happened to be him, I guess?” you murmur to yourself. But that did not clear up your mind enough for you to make any decision towards the situation. • Several days passed, ONF member did not send any message to you in the chat app. He acted like usual back in office, but it does not look like he has any intention to talk about what happen between you two either. • (The problem is you cannot look at him in the eye) • You are troubled if you should initiate the first move. It’s not like you hate him, you never did in the first place, it’s just he annoys you sometimes. • Then you overheard ONF member having small talk with colleagues, and they ask about his Valentine’s Day. He only replies it was an unforgettable night and he is glad that he is able to meet his girlfriend, it was better than never meeting her at all.

1-11 • From his words, you gain a bit of courage and decided to make your first move. • The next day you arrived at the office earlier than usual, you take out something from you bag and places small gift box on ONF member’s desk. The small box has a memo attached to it. • You hurried back to your desk, acted as if nothing happened while the office starts have more and more colleagues coming in. ONF member arrives later on and he greets you before heading in his room. • You take some quick glances, making sure ONF member notices your belated Valentine’s day gift. • He did noticed and read the memo you attached, then he made a confused look but he adjusts his facial expression immediately as he sees you stood up from your place. • You head to his office room to brief his morning schedule. Like usual, you step into his room, closes the door and starts the briefing. ONF member stares at you with a puzzled expression while sitting on his chair. • Once you done your part and you ask him if he has any schedules to add into the list, he places the gift box into your view and pushes it towards you. • “What do you mean by this?” he inquires. • “I promised you chocolate for Valentine’s day, sorry I was late.” You purposely answer him the wrong information. “ Don’t worry I made a brand new ones.” • “You know I meant this.” He pulls out the memo has his eyes fixed on you. • The memo wrote, “(ONF member’s ID), Let’s call it off --- (Your ID)” • “That’s how it is.” You tried not to break into a smile, you are getting your revenge and this is fun. “You are the one who said you are fine to call it off if either one of us found someone in real life right?” • ONF member pauses for a moment, his eyes wandering then he admits he did say that. • “Well you found someone in real life, so there is not point for us to continue virtual dating on the app anymore right?” you slightly let out a victorious smirk as you ask him. • ONF member finally gets what you mean and he let out a smile. He puts down the memo and pushes himself up from his chair and walks towards you. • Thankfully the design of his room is made up of walls, once the wooden door is closed; no one knows what happens inside. • “So, you are fine with us dating in real life then?” You can feel his breath as he is only one step away from you. This time you are not going to back away and you look at him straight in the eyes. • “I will need to adjust a bit. You have a problem with me being your girlfriend?” you reply with him with another question. • ONF member unconsciously let out another smile, he quickly hides it with his hand,  “No, not at all…” and those were the words you can hear coming out from him • “That settles it then.” You widen your grin towards him before turning around ready to leave his office. • But you are being pulled back by a pair of arms. Your back come contact to his chest area. He is hugging you from behind you. • “Seriously, I don’t get you.” He low key complains. “I thought you are going to hate me for real this time.” • “I was going to, you did not texted me and you acting like nothing happened after that night.” You pout as you explain to him. “I thought I have ended my career the moment you told me who you are. And who would have thought a decent CEO would date someone randomly they met in a online chatting app?” • “I am sorry; I thought leaving you unbothered for some time so that you don’t get stressed out.” You could tell from his tone he does feel apologetic. He never sounds like that before during work.

• "But I am dead serious on trying to start a proper relationship with you that’s why I suggested for us to meet up.” he continues. “Glad you felt the same.”

• You freed yourself from his hug and turn to him. • “Now listen, (ONF member’s name), as we are professionals, I do hope you understand that there is a clear line between work and private life.” You remind him. “Just because we are dating now, does not mean that I am going to let you off easily if you messed up during work, ok?.” • “Man, I don’t think I will ever win you huh?” ONF member only look at you affectionately and continues, “As you wish, my beloved assistant/secretary.”

A/N : the concludes for this oneshot headcanon fic should there are more ideas I might write a continuation about this pair for a part 2. Also thinking of linking the universe with MInkyun Florist AU, just a maybe. 

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

Devotional Hours Within the Bible

by J.R. Miller

The Kingdom Divided

The golden age of Israel closed with the death of Solomon. His empire was great, extending over wide limits. His revenues were very large. Everything in his kingdom was on a grand scale. He "made silver and gold to be as stones in Jerusalem." The palaces and public buildings were magnificent in their splendor. Yet the seed of decay was in the heart of it all. The rabbis say that while Solomon walked about in splendor - a worm was eating at the heart of his empire. This is another way of saying that the elements of corruption were in Solomon's kingdom. There were reasons. His heart had been drawn away from God by his heathen wives. At the same time the magnificence of his kingdom and the extravagance of his reign made it necessary to extort oppressive taxes from the people. Many of them also were drafted for forced labor. No wonder that they grew restive under these hard conditions. When Solomon died they were ready for the outbreak which followed. If Rehoboam had been wise, there might not have been an immediate rending of the kingdom from him - but in his folly - he drove the people to the extreme of rebellion.

Solomon largely outlived his fame. His reign became excessively burdensome to the people by reason of the heavy taxes they had to pay. His character also lost much of its charm through his departure from God. His aims were not lofty - as they were at the beginning. He was called in his earlier years, the wisest of men - but his later life was characterized by folly. His kingdom was no longer as secure and strong as it was, when he received it. Indeed, it was ready for disruption, and Solomon himself was responsible for its corrupt condition. It was a pathetic ending of his record that, notwithstanding the glory of his reign and the great things he had done - no word of commendation of him is given. All that is said of the close of his life is that he "slept with his fathers, and was buried in the city of David his father; and Rehoboam his son reigned in his stead."

Solomon did not leave behind him when he died - a sweet, fragrant memory in the hearts of his people. "When he was gone, the people came to Rehoboam, asking him to lighten their oppressive loads. Rehoboam promised them an answer in three days, and then sought advice.

First he sent for the older men, and they advised him to grant the request. Experience had made them gentle. "Show yourself their friend," they said. "Listen to their grievances. Take a kindly interest in them. Think of their good. Speak to them affectionately. Give them the relief they seek, and serve them in any way you can. If you do these things - you will win their love, and they will prove your faithful subjects."

This was good advice - but Rehoboam was not satisfied with it. The aged men were too slow for him. He turned to the young men of his own age, hot-headed fellows like himself, and sought advice of them.

When the people came to the king for his answer, Rehoboam, following the advice of the younger men, and replied to them roughly. His answer, indeed, was insolent and brutal. Such words as he spoke would have kindled the flame of rebellion, even if there had been no tinder dry and ready for the spark.

Rehoboam has many followers. We should learn the folly and wickedness of sharp, rude, and bitter words. Anyone sees how unworthy of a king, Rehoboam's speech was - but such words are unworthy of anyone's lips. They were insolent, contemptuous, haughty, unmanly, and cruel. We are all too apt, under provocation, to give rein to intemperate speech.

Destinies have been wrecked by following foolish counsel. Every young person needs a wise older friend to whom he may go with his life's serious questions. Happy is the young man or young woman who has such a counselor, and who will then accept the wisdom which comes of experience. But Rehoboam rejected the wise counsel of the aged men. He answered the people roughly: "My father was harsh on you, but I'll be even harsher! My father used whips on you, but I'll use scorpions!"

The consequence of Rehoboam's harsh words was the wrecking of his kingdom. The people turned away, saying, "What portion have we in David?" It took but a minute to give the reply which Rehoboam gave - but the harm done by it never could be undone! Burke said, "Rage and frenzy will pull down more in half an hour - than prudent deliberation and foresight can build up in a hundred years." We need not go far, nor seek long - to find other illustrations. Many people lose noble, helpful friends, lose them beyond regaining, by the petulant, ill-tempered words of a minute. Many lives with splendid possibilities become utter failures through uncontrolled tongues. When will men and women learn to put bridles in their mouths?

The matter of seeking advice is always a serious one. Some people too readily turn to others to ask them what they should do. We ought to learn to think for ourselves. Each man must bear his own burden. We never can get clear of the responsibility of choosing for ourselves. However, there are times when we may turn to others for advice. The young and inexperienced especially may receive valuable help from those who are older and more experienced. But in seeking advice we should make sure of the people to whom we turn. Bad advice has wrecked many a life.

Rehoboam had good advice from the older men - but rejected it. There are many who follow him in this regard - they receive good counsel from friends, from parents, from teachers, from godly men, from those who are wiser than themselves, and then ignore it. There are many who, like Rehoboam, reject the good advice - and take the bad. There was One Rehoboam seems to have missed altogether in seeking advice - he did not go to God for counsel. We should always ask God what He would have us do; He never advises unwisely. No life was ever wrecked by taking His counsel.

One lesson we get from Rehoboam's undisciplined course - is that those who would rule over others, must have achieved both self-control and patience in themselves. Rehoboam had achieved neither. He thought only of his own personal gain - the last element that should influence one in dealing with others. He lacked altogether that spirit of meekness, which Jesus said shall inherit the earth. We should keep SELF out of our work for God, out of all our work of love. Whenever SELF comes in - it mars everything. We should think only of our duty, not of the way our act may affect us. If Rehoboam had asked, "What course will be the best for the country and for the good of the kingdom?" he would not have acted so foolishly. He would have shown patience and kindliness, and would have lightened the heavy burdens under which the people were bending.

Those who rule over others, should love them and be ready to serve them. Rehoboam is an example of those who try to govern others by tyranny. If he had really loved the people and had been disposed to serve them, sympathizing with them in their burden-bearing and showing them kindness, they would have continued loyal to him. "Through love, be servants one to another" is the New Testament law.

We all need to guard ourselves at these points. We are apt to be unloving and harsh in our dealings with others, especially when our dignity seems to be hurt. Even parents need to keep a careful guard upon themselves in this matter, lest their consciousness of having authority should make them unjust to their children. Paul exhorts fathers not to provoke their children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Teachers have like temptation in enforcing authority. So have all who are placed over others.

It often happens that a man who has been very kind and brotherly as a fellow-workman, or as an equal among men, becomes tyrannical and intolerant when in a position of authority. We should remember that all power is of God, and we represent Him in whatever place of authority we occupy. We should rule, therefore, in God's name - as He would rule if He were in our place. In all our dealings with those over whom we are placed in the Providence of God - we should be gentle, sincere, loving - that we may look into God's face without shame.

Life has its turning points for all of us. This was the turning point in Rehoboam's career. He had before him the possibilities of a prosperous and successful reign. All hinged, however, on one word. Should he say yes - or no? If he had said yes, he would have won the people to himself and his kingdom would have been established. He said no, however, and he drove the people to anger and rebellion. Men are continually coming to turning points when all their future depends upon a single decision. Two paths lie before them. One leads to beauty, honor, blessing; the other leads to dishonor and sorrow. The decision of the moment, settles for us in which of these two paths we will walk. Many a man or woman by a careless word - throws away the hope of infinite blessing and good.

It is interesting to notice that while the kingdom of David had failed of its best through man's fault and sin, it was not altogether cast off. The vessel had not come out what the potter first intended it to be - it had been marred on the wheel - but he made it again, another vessel, not so fine as the first would have been - but still a good vessel. The kingdom had a second chance. From the seed of David came at length the Messiah. There is encouragement in this for all those who miss their first and best chance. They may try again, and their life may yet realize much honor and beauty. When we think of it, most of the worthy lives of godly men in the Bible - were second chances. They failed, and then God let them try again. David himself, and Jonah, and Peter, and Paul are illustrations.

[bgb16999]

I recently completed a reread of Starhammer, a superhero webcomic about a teenager who finds Orion's Mallet, an alien weapon which gives them powers.  The main character is asexual, aromantic, and nonbinary.  Moreover, they already knew they were AroAce as a teenager, but they don't realize they are nonbinary until later in life.  Needless to say, the similarities the main character has with me draw me in to the story pretty quickly.  

What follows are some ramblings I have about the events of Book 1.  This post contains SPOILERS.  If you haven't read Starhammer yet, go read it and then come back to this post.  Only read on if you have either already read the comic or don't care about spoilers.

======SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT=========

One thing that really struck me, even more than the first time around, is that the people and/or process behind the whole "disciplinary hearing" are both incompetent and corrupt, and that the entire hearing is their desperate attempt to find a scapegoat.  

During the first five chapters, they consistently scold Evey for the horrible act of "getting involved" with superheroics, on the basis that an inexperienced, unlicensed minor shouldn't get involved.  But then in Chapter 6, page 42, the committee abruptly switches to scolding them for the exact opposite: claiming that if only Evey had gotten involved sooner, they would have been able to stop Orson's plan before it even started.  The committee is using two directly contradictory arguments to try to convince us of Evey's "guilt," something a real lawyer would only do if they were wildly incompetent.  Moreover, the second argument of guilt-through-inaction ignores the fact that all of the actual adults who actually had jobs to catch supervillians also failed to do anything about Orson until it was too late.  That potentially includes the members of the disciplinary committee themselves: if Evey is guilty through inaction as the committee claims, then so are the members of the committee.  Which leaves me with the impression that the entire hearing is just an effort by the people in charge to use a scapegoat to distract from their own failings.

The subsequent conclusion that Evey is somehow responsible for Superion's death is equally ridiculous.  It reminds me a lot of what I call the "Charles Guiteau excuse."  After Guiteau shot President Garfield in 1881, Garfield lived another few months before dying of an infection related to the gunshot wound.  During his trial, Guiteau argued that he was guilty of shooting the president, but not killing him.  The real killers, Guiteau claimed, were the doctors who treated Garfield, because if they were better at their jobs then he wouldn't have died.  The difference with Starhammer is that in Guiteau's case, the only person who made this excuse was the desperate defendant.  In Starhammer, it was the supposed authority figures who try to push the blame for Superion's death, not onto Orson (who actually killed him), nor onto the incompetent adult authorities (including themselves), but onto the moderately-competent teenager who actually stopped Orson but didn't quite do it fast enough to save Superion.  

The one point where the council actually mentions how Evey made things worse than if they hadn't been their at all was their failure to install security updates on their goggles, which allows Evan to hack into the system.  But, if your top-secret database has such weak security that a 16-year-old's accessory can get you full access, then the adults who were supposed to be in charge seem far more culpable for negligence.  

In the end, the council says they let Evey off with a "reduced punishment" thanks to their popularity with the general public.  How many other people without the benefits of fame were given far harsher sentences for much less by this corrupt council?

None of this discussion is necessarily a criticism of the comic.  The presence of a (partially?) corrupt justice system adds a bit of realism to an otherwise very fantastical world of superheroes.  And, it shows that the Starhammer world has problems that aren't caused by people like Orson: problems that can't be solved by hitting them with a mallet.

[minsugapie]

The Eve: part 2 (2032 words) - Tom was right

• • • • • •

Lumi is down on her luck. After graduating university with a business degree, she has yet to secure a career in that path, reluctantly working and living at an old motel instead.

Kim Jongin is on the run. He’s been framed for embezzlement, and someone faked his death while he was out of town. With only a handful of bills and a false identity, he had been only able to survive for so long until breaking down in front of an old motel, hoping that whoever found him wouldn’t report him to the authorities.  

• • • • • •

prev // current // next

masterlist

• • • • • •

YAY! the day has finally arrived then i feel like writing again! i honestly don’t even know what got over me, but i hope this feeling sticks around bc it’s wonderful. Anyways, please enjoy...

• • • • • •

Before heading out to do the laundry, Lumi knew she should at least clean up some of the cuts on his skin. Jongin’s face held less harsh lines, even though his fists were holding the blankets up to his neck to keep himself warm. She should have realized that her leaving the covers would have taken away some of the heat that he’d needed. It was one thing to make him warm…the other was to make sure he stayed warm.

She felt awful as she took the blankets off of him, so she turned the heat up a little more, leaving herself in only a t-shirt. It was too hot for her, but this wasn’t about her right then. His hands didn’t want to let go of the blankets, and she only managed to listen the grip when she softly pried his fingers away from them. His body flinched initially when her fingers touched his, but what was actually surprised her was how his fingers had instantly gone from clutching the blanket to wrapping around her own. She didn’t want to let go of them, but she needed both her inexperienced hands to feign being a nurse. 

Taking out the medical kit from the paper grocery bag, she assessed what needed attention then and what was fine for now. Goosebumps arose all over his chest and those when she stated cleaning a particularly nasty cut stretching across his collarbone to his pec. 

“I know it stings and it’s cold,” she gently whispered, quickly putting her hand up to his forehead to check his temperature out of reflex, “but it’ll be over soon and you can go back to being warm.”

It took her a little over half an hour to successfully clean the wounds he had received from whatever fight he had gotten into, with the occasional whimper or flinch from Jongin, but she was relieved when she realized that nothing was bad enough to need legitimate medical attention.

When she finally put the covers back, she leaned over him to make sure that everything was tucked in and warm, her hair fell over her shoulder and onto his face without he realizing. She backed away, after swearing that she had seen his eye flicker open. She must have been dreaming because he was unconscious and could barely move. 

Whispering to him once again as she fixed a strand of his hair that fell into his eyes, she said, “I’ll be back soon, okay? I can’t have you dying on my watch.”

• • • • • •

Lumi felt guilty leaving him there all by himself again, especially when it was her day off, but she needed to do her own laundry and clean his clothes, too. Who knew when the last time he cleaned them was? 

Judging by ‘byun’ on his phone, he was down on his luck. Lumi checked to see if there were previous messages from the person, but there were none. There was also no password on the phone, nor were there any other apps besides messages and the default apps that weren’t able to be deleted.  

He was a man on the run, so she guessed it made sense that he kept himself as low-key as physically possible. 

She was thankful that the laundromat was empty today, save two people that were always there when she was. One of them was the worker and the other was Jamie, a man that unfortunately had the same work schedule as her. If anyone in this town was suitable for Lumi, it might have been Jamie, at least Tom thought so. 

“Morning, Jamie,” Lumi smiled, taking over her usual washing machine. She began to throw the clothes into the machine when she felt his presence beside her. 

“You dropped this,” he said, picking up a large men’s flannel. Lumi knew he was going to say something, so she thought of what to say before he was even able to ask it. “Why are you washing a bunch of men’s clothes?” 

“Um, they’re mine,” she ended up blurting, grabbing it from his hand and stuffing it into the machine. All her clothes were thrown on top of it. Taking a deep breath, she continued, “Actually, it’s the style nowadays to wear baggy men’s clothes.”

“But I’ve never seen you wear it, and it looks worn,” he pushed. She knew that Jamie didn’t mean anything by it, but she was nervous. Obviously, since she was balancing on the tight rope of the law at this point. 

Byun had told Lumi to be careful and that it was dangerous, so she absolutely had to keep Jongin a secret. 

“They were left behind by someone at the motel, and I was going to take them. It’s winter now, so the more layers, the better, you know?” She smiled, trying to show off the little charm she had. She did know that Jamie thought she was pretty. It seemed to work on him as he nodded his head and backed away. 

“I guess that makes sense,” he concluded, going to put his own clothes into the dryer. Because she’d already done a few things this morning, she was later than usual. Actually, it was almost a blessing because he’d be out of there faster than usual, deceasing the amount of time they’d actually have to spend together. 

Lumi breathed a sigh of relief before putting in her headphones and pretending that she didn’t know Jamie as she waited for the laundry to be done. 

Something finally worked out in her favour because Jamie didn’t talk to her again, and she was able to finish the laundry in peace. When she was finally able to head back to the motel, she began to get nervous. What if he’d left? 

But then she remembered that she left him there in his underwear, and she had all his clothes. The very thought made her smile. The situation was kind of funny. Never did she think she’d see a shirtless Jongin that close, let alone have him unknowingly trust her with his life. Yet she remembered that he might have died last night if it hadn’t been for her. 

She ran to her room when it came into sight, being as quiet as she could when she closed the door. Jongin was still sleeping, so she set to work putting her clothes away and made sure to fold his for him. When she picked up a few pairs of underwear, she couldn’t help but blush. He’d worn them. The man of every one of her fantasies had worn those pairs of underwear, and here she was in the same room as him. 

Her life was just beginning to get interesting. 

She noticed the note was in his hand, so he must have woken up, at least for a moment. She stood up and went to him to check if he was still warm enough. She lightly touched his face with her fingers and then felt his chest to see how cold it was. He was warm, colour back in his face and lips. 

All of a sudden, a hand roughly grabbed her throat, surprising her. 

Jongin’s eyes shot open, and he looked at her, sitting up. Lumi was speechless, not only because his hand was choking her, but also because she’d never heard of him having an aggressive side like this. 

Her brow was furrowed as she hastily grabbed and clawed at his arm to let her go. It was no use, however, because he was so much stronger than she was. 

She shook her head as much as possible, pleading mentally for him to let her go. She was going to pass out any second from lack of oxygen. “I didn’t…call…the police,” she struggled so much that she wasn’t sure he was even able to understand. 

When he let go, she fell to the floor, clutching at her throat. There were surely going to be bruises. 

He stared at her few a few moments, probably trying to figure her out as she coughed, obviously struggling to regain her breath. He scratched his chest and then realized that there weren’t any clothes there. He pulled the blanket up to his neck and narrowed his eyes at her. He quickly looked under the blanket to check if he had on any underwear.

She coughed again, still trying to clear her throat after what he’d done to her. She slowly started shuffling backward and away from him. Never once did she think he would do something like that to someone who had saved him. 

Then again, he was probably just as scared as she was in this situation. She realized too that he had been completely out of it when she brought him in. He couldn’t have known who she was. 

She shook her head crazily as she tried to get her voice to work again. He couldn’t think that she took advantage of him. “I cleaned them!” She pointed at the pile of folded clothes at the end of the bed. He looked at them before looking back at her. 

There was an expression of curiosity on his face as he took her in more. His stare bore into hers like nothing she’d ever felt before. 

“Please, just drink some water and eat something,” she pleaded, getting a piece of bread and putting it in front of him with a banana. “I’ll explain when you’re healthy again.”

He stared at the items in front of him before picking them up and eating them hungrily. She read that it was important not to feed someone too much to begin with otherwise they could get sick. 

When he was done eating, he took another full water bottle and laid back on the bed. He stared at her as she sat on the chair across the room, watching him. He was different from what she’d imagined. He was calmer and spoke a lot less. He actually seemed reserved –unlike most businessmen that she’d met.

• • • • • •

Jongin was curious about her. She hadn’t called the police on him. She washed his clothes. She even fed him. And he’d almost killed her. 

He hadn’t meant to be so aggressive, but he was scared. The last thing he remembered was wandering along the highway, looking for a place to take refuge. 

There was one other thing he remembered. He didn’t know if it was a memory or if it was just conjured up in his mind. 

It was a woman, platinum blonde hair and pale skin, telling him to drink and again leaning over his frame. It was definitely a memory because as he thought of it now, the person that had pleaded with him to get better was the woman sitting in the chair across the room from him. 

She looked and acted like an angel, and he nearly killed her, most likely bruising the pale skin of her throat. She was a literal saviour.

But why would she want to save him? It might have been better for everyone if he had he simply died. 

• • • • • •

When Jongin finally fell asleep again, Lumi went to the bathroom to look at her reflection. She was right, her neck was bruising. There were purple fingerprints on her skin, reminding her of how stupid this situation was. Tom was right. 

How could she have just trusted him? He really could have killed those people and embezzled all that money. She had no idea who he really was. 

Taking a deep breath, she vowed that she would learn his side of the story. 

As she continued to stare at the bruises on her neck, her mind wandered back to the text messages. Byun had said that he was sure it was a guy named D.O. Could they have been talking about the crimes? It couldn’t have been anything else; it was too much of a coincidence. 

Throwing on a scarf to cover her neck, she locked the door once again and made her way to the diner to have some dinner. She’d have to bring a lot of leftovers home, so it wouldn’t be just salad for her tonight. 

[thesagedahlia]

🐂 Taurus Season (Apr. 19-May. 19) ♉

🌍

When it comes to romance or emotional situations, there may be an imbalance due to having dealt with pain, trauma, or heartache before. There may have been a complete failure in love, & someone has been allowing unconventional relationship or ones that they don't want to commit to. What needs to be rebuilt is more value for the self, & finding equilibrium with the ones own receptive energy & the productive energy. There is a stubborn or excessively controlling nature that is wanting a passive affair with someone who is a match for them, yet they're overly confident or an energy that is doing too much, that has continued to block their faith or delay their process. There is lack of commitment or frustrated/scattered energy to being open to healing, or renewal of the heart space, yet such focus there is required in order to enjoy a true spiritual union. Don't try to create happiness by holding onto emotionally unavailable situations/people that is allowing you to give up on what you want in order to benefit others, or willing to accept less than you deserve. Clarity is coming about your stagnation, & it is going to bring swift change onto a new path. Some will need to take action in order to bring solutions or results relating to leaving behind vulnerability & weakness. Things will be illuminated for what they are, & there will be an opportunity to choose a growing path.

🐂

A limit has been reached regarding a female family member, or there is a need to withdraw or let go from family gratitude of others, that may be masking or disguising someone's emotional manipulation. It may be coming online about the situation you are exposed to & its effects on someone; it has decayed their innocence & they're realizing it may have been volitile & aggressive. It may be up to someone's intuition, that family environments has cause conflict that has ruined their happiness, or female family member has gained enjoyment from punishments in the past (& still engage in this today). There is a need for renewal in an effort to cure the detachment from your inner child, or a deeper loneliness is being brought up from a lonely childhood, & holding on to these traumas aren't beneficial to you. Warmth, exuberance, & vibrancy are within you, but it won't expand if you don't dig deep & find it.

👰🏾

There may be a social opportunity where you may be focused on public appearances, or what that community is focused on. This can cause disharmony with these people/communities & this can be directed at dysfunctional families, shattered families, or broken homes. Lack of growth for holding onto the past may be causing someone to feel trapped, or a need for caution when dealing with these people/communities is coming up for someone. The need for discretion will be high for someone as they move away from a dominant figure, & will need to build one's own independence. There may have been a lack of movement here due to dependency, & for some it is financial dependency. This feels like relief from a manipulative leader, & being guided away onto calmer waters. Some will receive guidance from their own intuitive ambition, or others may be very much in tune with their spiritual guides, weather with in the physical realm or removed.

🐐

Someone may be facing stagnation & it can be because of a masculine energy needing to make a transition, or someone needing to make a transition away from one. It may be a heavy decision, but it is also one that is inevitable & necessary. This can be regarding a trying relationship with a soulmate or spiritual ally, or a love entanglement with one that is an outcast or is inexperienced. Someone may need to get out of the negative focus or disillusion regarding this situation, or it has been a missed opportunity or refusing the offer of change & growth. It is an obvious choice to embark on a journey in discovering or searching for happiness, but the choice may be a stressful one. There may be a limit on someone's freedom & one's sense of adventure is decaying, or one may be scared to dream. These difficulties may be concerning a man that may be restrained, or it may be an obstacle to security or setting down roots, but a feminine energy may be clinging or insecure when it comes to any disharmony within a relationship.

🌬

Someone wants to break would progress & effort into a foundation (of a relationship) that has been lacking in stability. There's been a lack of commitment because of an amazing & fulfilling love life, & settling for a solid relationship wasn't something someone was looking for at the time. As time went on, someone realizes their mistake. There may have been a specific person that someone has deep emotion for, or this person was able to change someone's mind. There is a need for happiness after feeling pain or heartbreak from a healthy relationship that was either delayed, or a missed chance that was never acted on out of hesitation. Someone may have also let a foundation be ruined because of too much sexual gratification, & has caused heartache to their relationship or to those they've encountered. A masculine energy may have been self sabotaging when it came to committing to a feminine energy, & held back a lot out of fear & insecurity. There was an emotional component to his fear, & there was deception, betrayal, or lack of communication as he result of this major anxiety and panic. There is also extreme guilt felt here, as the feminine energy opted out of dealing with him because she has a stable, long term vision, & is someone who embraces growth. Someone has been holding on to this bond/connection despite the extremes that may have been taken, or lack of seriousness, & there is repression of this foundation being explored. There is communication wanting to come in, in regards to initiate a traditional relationship or establish a commitment. For some, this is a long distance relationship where the inability to commit only slowed things down, or someone who has fearful of a connection moving too fast or acting impulsively created lack of romance, or causing one to be waiting for clarity.

👭🏿

A dominant male figure, or male with authority (this can also be a masculine energetic woman, or a man), that has brought change within the institution or workplace that has become overpowering, or this person's leadership may be going through a transformation. There can also be some one having to deal with obstacles to bringing an end to the commitment to this masculine (or job). For some, this is an ending to a friendship or to loyalty to the stable foundation,that has come as a surprise. Family values may have held someone back, or family was a negative influence that they were loyal to. For others, a family feud, loss in family, or loneliness from family is the focus, as well as needing to put an end to the devotion or obedience to such causes. This transformation will be created through, or discussed through, conversation that may be in the form of a loving letter, or passionate communication.

⚖

Someone may be encountering flirtation in their communication with a man (masculine energy) with much energy, but may have an underlying suspicion about them. They may be the type to 'catch & release', if you will, & can set bad examples through impulsiveness. They engage in light communication in order to achieve a lucky chance/opportunity. This can be someone who refuses to commit, or likes to control the situation with manipulation, but this is a person who has inexperience with the traditional sense of public relations. They may act out the nervousness of their inexperience through ruthless or extreme behavior/means. There is confusion about their feelings, or there's a plain inability to express their emotions that are growing, & the person they're dealing with is needing to bring to this situation, since it's unhealthy & they're leaving themselves vulnerable to abuse.

🤖

There is an energy to want to balance out a situation with someone that makes you someone feel aligned & happy in her life. Someone is passionate about releasing from a situation that may be continuing to hold them back, or is causing paralysis in rushing toward a goal. There is a truth to someone's growth that will involve a major transition from hopelessness to a place of warmth, love, & positivity. It is something that really makes someone feel good, & for some it has become a sudden desire for someone. For others, there was an end to this ambition or enthusiasm due to destructive behaviors or deficiencies in fairness. There may be someone wanting to reconcile or wanting to build a bridge with a desire (can be a person/relationship) that may have ended suddenly in the past. There is a need to balance with the heart & the mind, because their direction is that of dealing with the burden/suffering of their sensuality head on.

🌊

The door to personal healing & happiness is a phenomenon that only few people can tap into, & for a lot of people, this concept is internal. In order to reach this place, there will be a need to have some emotional strength, or may need to be emotionally removed from situations that dont meet this vibrations. There's a higher frequency that can be reached, & emotional withdrawal & understanding is what is being asked of. This driving force for independence is fueling those experiencing this energy, & it is bound to pay off spiritual & abundantly. It will take some time to get through a mentally confusing & painful time where triggers may cause emotional that keeps someone trapped within themselves, & there is a suppression of this transition to come about. Being out of touch with self isn't allowing for some to be open or even to have a clear mind, & it was caused by concerning themselves with friendships/relationships that weren't what they portrayed to be. You could avoid the conflict or the clashing from any corruption happening in certain relationships, & these may be commitments that are unconventional or ones that someone is reluctant to fulfill. It may have carried on for this long because of ignoring the signs, but there is a need to take charge & embrace a new vitality & having individual successes away from people who are volatile & are only around to bring you trouble.

🦀

There may be some chaos in your vicinity, or you may be dealing with competitive or combative situations/relationships that may need to be reflected upon. Someone isn't able to let go of these situations or people that aren't beneficial, & repression of the toll it is taking on some people. Uncertainty of dealing with this conflict has been caused by suffering from it, & it has caused uncertainty in your spiritual journey. You have to be loyal to a transformation of a friendship, & needing to find happiness for yourself, & being stable in that. It may feel like a lack of security for someone who is trying to be stable in their emotions & their own happiness, & it may be a time for a renewal of their energy. For others, this is a time of awakening for people who need to learn forgiveness & self evaluation that has been struggling with the concept, as someone's boundaries have been overpowered.

🦂

Someone may be in a place where healing needs to be their main focus & there is a need for clarity & renewal after having to deal with feeling things are too good to be true. Whether this is related to decisions, illusions, or fantasies, someone's idealization or blocks to creativity is bringing inspiration through spiritual knowledge & hope. Someone may be in a whimsical mood that is probably up & down from being uncertain regarding a purpose some may be searching for. There's some aggression against one's (or someone else's) innocence but they really have the knowledge that can be used as a weapon, & for some it's spiritual knowledge. Ancestral entanglements may have been causing these creative blocks, & needing to understand lessons coming up that are from past life karmic cycles that have yet to be dealt with.

🐡

The past may be feeling like it is repeating itself for some people, or that bad memories of past events/situations are coming up & that is leading to dissatisfaction & feelings of lacking direction. For others, naivety is causing misalignment of values, & there is an energy of lacking discipline, carelessness, or distraction that may be causing irrationality. Some people are lacking the fun in their day to day, & are actually suffering from boredom. For some, friendships may be tested through gossip or someone may be a person that stops being a friend through difficult times. For others, this is a past issue within a friendship that is coming up again. There's pure facts about a journey that may be feeling like someone is underachieving, or someone may be devastated over knowledge about exploring ethics or morality within a friendship (or one's self), when someone may not have been operating in a loyal way.

🔥

Opportunities may have been missed or delayed that may have been regarding a spiritual love, or trusting/having hope for love with a feminine energy, & there may also conflict within the family about decisions & future planning. There is also worry & anxiety because of this, & it is causing overwhelm as well as distance from people either tying to control you, or causing you to place restrictions on yourself. A masculine energy may have found security in a commitment where there was hesitation or lack of initiative. This was blocked/ended because of confusion about what makes one happy when it comes to a feminine energy, & taking charge/protecting the connection may be something that someone is holding onto. Someone's suspicions may be subsiding & are thinking of communication to relieve loneliness. Someone is desiring happiness (for some, in another person), & this masculine is having conflict with finding depth, or emotional knowledge, & there may be weakness with expressing feelings. Immature desires of craving/addiction to sensuality will be values that were built on shaky foundation. There is an energy of the future being uncertain, & it causing a lot of burdens that could be avoid if there was clearing the mind of major stresses & anxieties. For some of you, there is a lack of connection to source or a higher power & needing to allow yourself to recieve the guidance that is trying to come in. There is also news of betrayal or message of deception regarding someone who is emotionally unstable within an emotional commitment, that others may need to be aware of.

🦁

Some of you are having a spiritual transition that may be causing deep seeded issues to come up in order to be explored, but some are being held back, or staying put so to speak, due to fear of change, fear of the unknown, or indecision brought up through doubt. On their path, there are some that are taking one's transition lightheartedly, & others may be prone to making changes that don't bring lasting change or a moral transformation. This can also be speaking to this involving a masculine energy specificically. There also seems to be worries about responsibilities or burdens, some of you may be hearing it come up a lot in conversation within gathering. Some are wanting to put an ending to a time of loneliness, & others can be letting go of grief from isolation. The direction that someone is taking is withdrawal from authority in sexual relationship, or are becoming introspective about their own moral authority.

🐎

There is fairness needed in a situation with a feminine energy that may be a domineering, aggressive, or demanding force, & is either selfishness toward a lonely child, or insecurity could be coming up due to detachment from inner child. For some, there could be a jealous or low confident person whose suspicion creates loneliness, or her distrust of others creates barriers. This person may be conflicting (or a bully) toward another who is unable to care for one's self, or are manipulative to a naive person (or child) & they are being tricked by someone. When it comes to conversations about finances, financial documents - bills, taxes-there is a lack of focus, scattered thoughts or lack of control for some, & for others there is a vicious attempt to have opportunities missed if there isn't truth or clarity. This can be a new discovery made about a friend, or needing to speak truthfully or opening up to a friend is that focus.

🐏

You're in the mode of working for what you want to achieve happiness in all areas of life, & self growth is progressive & slow moving. Some may be receiving some lucky news that is of financial importance, or they may be needing patience for hard work; they may also have luck in financial matters, or are feeling unburdened by finances. Others can be receiving messages regarding the value of compassion & love & having a lucky opportunity in love (some may even buying their love). Someone may have been guided by a spiritual leader to help progression toward enlightenment of what is really desired in their life, & a part of that desire is for spiritual growth, others can be straight up seduced by spirituality. For some, a compassionate friendship, or a loving friend, helped to show where undelivered promises has brought stagnant energy. Others may be bound by loyalty to a rational connection, or it could be bound by pride had dwindling compassion, dwindling love, or was an all around unhealthy love.

*this reading is intended for sun, moon, rising, & venus placements, & is intended for entertainment purposes only, energy is fluid not linear, roles are interchangeable, cross readers (reading for another person's sign) should pick their energy in the scenario, take what resonates, leave the rest*

[goodlifewrites]

Do you think most HG writers use their sex lives as a stand in for actual emotional connection? Does it send the wrong message that the quality of a relationship is based on how hot and frequent the sex is?

Good question!

First, let me stress that writers who write about HG having sex are not inherently using it as a crutch.  Plenty of writers, including pretty much every top-level HG writer, has written sex scenes.  Some of the best authors do it in every chapter, but they also are able to show the emotional connection between the characters in other ways.  So if you are one of those HG writers who frequently write sex scenes, this answer is not targeted at you.  But I digress.

The truth is it can be very hard to express an emotional connection between two characters.  A lot of fanfic writers are either too young or too inexperienced to truly understand what genuine intimacy is in a relationship.  Sex is certainly a big part of that, but it is just one facet within a healthy and mature relationship.  I genuinely do worry when young readers of fanfic read a story where it seems that all Harry and Ginny want to do is jump each other’s bones.  Every conversation between them becomes either innuendo or Ginny screaming “Harry James Potter! Don’t you dare abandon me again!” This dynamic is terribly familiar for people who have been in toxic relationships with people who they constantly argued with and then had sex.  Sex is often used as a way to justify a bad relationship.  How many friends do we have who said of an ex, “We were terrible for each other but the sex was so good.”  

Hot and frequent sex is taught to us, both in fanfiction and pop culture as a whole, as the most important thing in a relationship. Or, if not that, then the thing that allows an otherwise shitty relationship to continue without judgment. It’s an excuse to avoid the real issues.  Occasionally, an author comes along and flips this trope on its head and calls it out for what it is.  @annerbhp, in her Armistice series, does this quite well.  Harry and Ginny have a relationship being held together by sex.  Sex is used to avoid addressing the lack of emotional intimacy in the relationship.  Annerbhp shows how unsustainable this is, how a relationship needs to be about much more than hot and passionate sex.  Likewise, @jenoramaca in her series showed Harry and Ginny desperately trying to use sex to take the place of an actual relationship, which ultimately blew up in their faces.  While likely not their intention,their stories truly are the perfect answer to those fics that seem to miss this inherent truth.

So what is emotional intimacy and how does a writer show it? Ironically, I think JK Rowling showed us the best.   For all the talk about how she can’t write romance, Rowling actually does a solid job in showing real emotional intimacy between Harry and Ginny.   My favorite scene of the two of the is when they are lounging in the common room, joking about Harry’s tattoos. Ginny is casually leaning against him.  There is nothing sexual about this moment, yet the fact that Harry is so comfortable with Ginny’s touch, and can joke with her with such ease, shows incredible emotional intimacy.   Later, when Harry kneels over Dumbledore’s lifeless body, it is Ginny’s voice and touch that brings Harry out of his daze.  Folks, that is true emotional intimacy.  And, funnily enough, it shows us that the best way to show emotional intimacy through sex is to first show it in those more subtle, yet deeper ways. 

Sex has its place in a HG fic; it would be a bit odd if someone wrote a fic without any sexual intimacy between the two.  But it’s not the be all, end all of a romance.  Rather, it’s an important facet of a relationship that is built upon true emotional connections and intimacy.  If a writer is struggling to show that, they should ask themselves what would they want in their own relationship?  What would make them feel secure, happy and loved? And then write those scenes. And then write them bagging on the kitchen table at the Burrow.

[alwaysluckyballoon-blog]

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[emperorsfoot]

Well, I updated. 

It’s garbage. But I wrote the chapter, like, three times and this was by far the best version. You guys will come to realize that I’m not actually a good author. 

...

Horde Prime was rarely bothered with every little signal sent from every little unit in his army. The cloning crèches produced 45-thousand units per batch. Four batches every Standard Imperial Year, meant 180-thousand units a year. Personal signals from almost 200-thousand soldiers were mostly ignored.

Horde Prime only listened to communications from four signals.

The four clones he observed to be competent, resourceful, and clever enough to be useful in command positions. The four he personally promoted to his cabinet.

So, when he received a signal from one he stripped from his cabinet, banished to the front lines, and was presumed dead, Prime paid attention. From the Adarion system. A single yellow star, orbited by three planets: Preternia, Infinita, and Eternia. Eternia was the world where Prime sent 66694-42-003:Hordak. To try and put down another uprising by that ever-annoying thorn, Randor, the self-proclaimed ‘King of Eternia’.

66694-42-003 never returned from that deployment and Horde Prime assumed him killed in action.

But here was a signal from that same KIA brother. Proof that he did not die in service to the great Horde Empire, as he was supposed to. And a distress signal no less, begging for aid, proof that Horde Prime was right to strip him of his rank and powers. He was weak. Useless. And now, a liability.

A mistake had been made here, and mistakes must be corrected.

Horde Prime analyzed the message personally.

It was encrypted with an older code. One that was in use during the height of 66694-42-003’s cabinetcy, when Prime allowed him to be ‘Lord Hordak’. It made sense that 66694-42-003 would be using it. Removed so long from the Empire and his Brother, he wouldn’t know the more recent –more secure- encryptions.

But that also meant that others could intercept the signal and decode it for themselves. After all, the reason they changed and updated their encryptions were to prevent a hostile faction from ever being able to break through their communications.

If 66694-42-003’s message held any value beyond just the desperate call for help from a defective clone, Prime wanted to be the first to know.

It was a short message. Cut off abruptly before a full debrief could be given. Apparently 66694-42-003 was inexplicably pulled into a shadow dimension from which he could not return on his own. He needed Prime to open a portal from his end and free 66694-42-003. Pathetic. There was also some pathetic attempt to appeal to Prime by attempting to conquer the world in the shadow dimension, but his progress was blocked by hostile natives with inexplicable powers, blah, blah, blah. Please send reinforcements. The natives had a champion with a magical sword that-

That that was where the message was cut off. The signal lost. Whatever ‘portal’ he was sending the transmission through snapped shut.

Prime sat up straight.

‘A champion with a magical sword that-‘

A champion with a magical sword.

A champion.

Singular.

One.

Prime had gone up against champions with magical swords before. Two of them. Not one. One of them, he managed to defeat. Defeat and take the sword for himself. The other one… got away…

It was absurd to believe that defective and weak 66694-42-003 found the one that got away. Completely and utterly absurd.

But the message did come from the Adarion System, the same solar system they came from. The same solar system… Zed died in…

‘You said you could heal him!’

‘Anillis-! I’m sorry! He was too far gone.’

He tried to raze that system. But he was new at this back then. Inexperienced and angry. Clumsy.

He managed to get He-Ro, and He-Ro’s sword. But, Mar- the other one –got away.

Not just got away, but managed to take one of the planets from the Adarion System with her. The fourth planet –the name escaped him at the moment but he remembered it being there, then not being there anymore.

It was utterly absurd to think that Hordak found the one that got away.

But the location was correct, and the description seemed to fit.

Prime could not ignore this.

If there was even the slightest chance that it led him to the one who got away.

Tapping a button on the arm of his throne, Prime opened a paged the bridge of the Velvet Glove. “Change course.” He commanded. “Take us to the Adarion System.”

“Yes, Sir!” Came the answering voice almost immediately. Then, more hesitantly. “Which planet, Your Grace? Eternia?”

Eternia was the metaphorical ‘problem child’ of the Adarion System. It seemed like twice every generation there was a new rebellion that had to be put down. First Hiss, then Miro, then Randor, then Randor again, and then… the defector Randor’s brother seduced to their side…

Prime stood from his throne. Descending the stairs he retreated into his Inner Sanctum. His own private chambers above the Velvet Glove.

Eternia was a frequent problem in the Adarion System, but 66694-42-003’s signal had not come from Eternia. It came from empty space. Between Eternia and Infinita, in the darkness where Etheria used to be.

The one that got away…

Crossing the dimly lit room, Prime gentle, almost affectionately caressed the side of a tank. Not the same as the industrial vitrine used in his cloning crèches. This one was smaller, narrower, and did now bow out like the cloning tanks. This thank was not meant to grow a clone, but rather preserve a body. Prime kept it draped with a sheet. Most days he could not bear to look at it. But he never had it removed either. He could not bear to part with… what was inside.

Through a gap in the fabric, the tip of a red wing could just barely be seen.

Prime passed by this tank and continued on to the far wall. Considering the span of his unnaturally long life, Prime had not collected or kept many mementoes. Neither trophies or keepsakes. He kept the body in the tank, and he still strummed his baliset from time to time. But aside from those, his Inner Sanctum was markedly bare of personal items.

He did, however, keep one trophy.

The Sword.

More accurately, a Sword.

One of two.

Pulled from the cold, dead, hand of Gray. A Prince of Eternia and the one Chosen to wield the Sword of Power as He-Ro. Killed on the field of battle by Anillis Kur. But he was not the one Anillis wanted. He wanted the one that got away.

The one that promised him she could save his son’s life. Heal all ailments and return Zed to the level of health he enjoyed before they left Revena. But she lied. She didn’t. The Sword did not heal him. Zed died. And when satisfaction was demanded, it was not She-Ra, but He-Ro that faced him in the open field. The other, choosing to flee, and take her planet with her.

Prime didn’t just lose his son. He lost his vengeance.

But not this time.

66694-42-003:Hordak found her. Found her and left a signal for Prime to follow back to coordinates. Where Etheria used to be. And instructions on how to get to her. How to cut through the fabric of space and reality. Into the shadow dimension she cowered in.

Cut through.

With the blade of steel and light of a legendary Sword.

Prime lifted the Sword of Power off the wall. Hefting it in his hands. Revenanti were very strong in proportion to their size. Every other race he came across was surprised and impressed by the deceptive physical strength of him and his clones. But the Sword always felt heavy in his hands. Heavier than its size would imply. Heavy as if its weight came from more than just the hammered metal of a blade and a gilded and Runestone fitted hilt.

It was the Power of this sword that allowed Prime to prolong his life.

Now it was going to lead Prime to its twin. To the one that got away.

…

Nobody really knew what to think when the night sky suddenly lit up with light. So bright it outshone Eternia’s two moons. Cutting across the sky. A blade of light.

The first panic stricken thought was that it was some kind of Horde attack. That the Empire had grown weary of constantly putting down rebellion and decided to just destroy the planet and be done with it.

But Horde Prime did not believe in superweapons. He preferred massive armies with lots of moving pieces. Small parts that could be easily replaced. If some lucky rebel made a shot down a superweapon’s exhaust port, the whole thing blew. But if some lucky rebel managed to kill a cabinet Lord, then he could just be replaced.

So, the blade of light could not be a Horde attack.

Some realized this faster than others.

Some realized it had to be something else. Something more.

The Lord of Snake Mountain saw the light and looked deeper. Looked for a source. After all, light had to come from somewhere, and this was not the light of Adarion, Eternia’s sun. Nor was it the sun’s light reflected off either of the moons. This was its own. Coming from a source that was not a star.

And inside that light, was a signal.

Encrypted, obviously. Not everyone would pick it up. Even if they did, they wouldn’t understand it. It was a Horde encryption, but an older one. Not in use anymore. So, not an official Imperial transmission.

A distress signal.

A cry for help.

Except clone troopers did not ask for help. Help was for the weak.

But the identification stamp on the message gave him pause. The Lord of Snake Mountain re-running the decryption program and double checking his results in the Imperial issued datapad his late partner left with him. Both the second pass with the decryption and the secondary datapad confirmed the ID was correct –at least, not faked, or a mistranslation. Former cabinet Lord Hordak, serial number 66694-42-003.

Running a palm over the smooth dome of his head, the Lord of Snake Mountain stared at those last three digits. Zero-Zero-Three. Hordak.

Hode’s Zero-Zero-Three.

He only met the clone twice. Briefly each time.

The first not long after Hode was killed. As highly as the older clone spoke of his younger brother, the Lord of Snake Mountain hoped to find a new ally. Hode’s protégé and heir. At least, that was what Hode lead him to believe. But what he met was just another clone trooper. A tool of Prime’s. There was the shadow of an intelligent mind capable of independent thought. But only a shadow.

They crossed paths again after Hordak had been deposed from the cabinet. Stripped of his rank and name, returned back to only his serial number. Sent to the front lines of another one of Randor’s ill-fated revolts. He hoped to find Zero-Zero-Three of a different opinion then. Prime cast him out and sent him away. Surely the clone must have realized how little the Emperor cared for him, or any of his brothers. Prime called his clones ‘little brother’, but they weren’t much more than dolls to him. Playthings that could be thrown away the moment they were broken.

Zero-Zero-Three did make his way to Snake Mountain, and the Lord did hope that Hode’s favorite might join him. Imp was certainly glad to see him.

But they never got the chance to exchange words. Inexplicably, for reasons the Lord of Snake Mountain was still trying to find explanation for, Zero-Zero-Three was teleported away. A blade of light cutting through the very fabric of space and time and pulling Zero-Zero-Three, along with Imp, through the rift.

He had hoped Zero-Zero-Three had learned his lesson. That Prime could not be trusted. That Prime had to be removed.

But here he was, calling for his big Brother. Begging Prime to come get him. Take him back. Look, I conquered this world for you. Please come pick me up. And send reinforcements. The natives are making things difficult for me. They have this champion with a magical sword-

The Lord of Snake mountain was glad the message cut off there. When he was a younger man, he would have jumped up and been ready to rush off at the mere mention of a magical sword. But that was years ago. He was older now. Older and jaded. He made his grab for a magical sword, and in the process, lost his face.

His face, his identity, and his partner.

‘But- the sword-!’

‘But your life, Keldor!’

He wasn’t ‘Keldor’ anymore. Now he was the Lord of Snake Mountain, the Lord of Destruction, Revenant of Hate… Skeletor.

Skeletor lacked the means of opening a portal and answering Zero-Zero-Three’s call. Only a Sword could open a portal and Skeletor did not have a Sword.

But Prime did.

Horde Prime could open a portal and bring Zero-Zero-Three back.

If only Prime cared about Zero-Zero-Three enough to do that. But Prime cared about nothing and no one. He would not answer Zero-Zero-Three’s call.

It was a moot issue.

Nothing would ever come of it.

…

The Velvet Glove came out of hyperspace just within the Adarion System.

Prime hated this place.

Any time any action was required in this despicable spit of space, he always found someone else to send. Hode. Or Hordak. Or, literally, anyone else.

But he could not send anyone else for this. This required the Sword, and Prime was not going to let the Sword out of his sight.

The Lycra Pant and Leather Vest appeared half a moment after the Velvet Glove, materializing from out of hyperspace. Prime had to come here to use the Sword, but that didn’t mean he planned to be the one to go down to the planet –a planet he hated- that’s what the clones were for.

Standing on the bridge of the Velvet Glove, Prime watched Infinita, and Eternia pass by the main viewport. Neither planet was their destination. Their heading placed them in an empty space inside Adarion’s circumstellar habitable zone. Few knew it, Prime never included it in official Imperial records, but –originally- this system did not have three planets, but four. The fourth one vanished along with its guardian. But Prime still remembered its coordinates, its orbit within the system’s sphere of gravity.

The bridge crew surreptitiously shot each other confused or uneasy glances. Those that worked closely with the Emperor –his private staff, his cabinet, and his bridge crew- knew that their Brother was prone to bouts of temper and impulses made in anger.

But this did not seem like that.

Moving the Velvet Glove and her complement of soldiers, along with the Lycra Pant with all her batwings and pilots, and the Leather Vest full of drop-ships and troops, to an empty bit of finite space where there was nothing there. Ignoring three other planets within the system, one of which was an almost never-ending source of work for the military. This was erratic and irrational. But not an episode of temper.

In fact, Prime seemed very calm and collected. Deceptively so. Quiet.

Holding non-standard issue sword in one hand.

“Cut the engines.” He commanded suddenly. “Bring us to a stop here.”

His bouts and fits might make his staff and crew wary, but they were not incompetent. There was no hesitation. Even if they didn’t understand it, they were sure their Brother had his reasons for this erratic behavior. The main bridge pilot decelerated, switching to forward thruster to compensate for the direction of their motion in the zero-gravity space, and bringing the Velvet Glove to a full stop. The communications officer sent a signal to both the Lycra Pant and the Leather Vest to do the same.

Within moments, the whole fleet came to a full stop in the middle of nowhere.

Empty space floated in front of them.

“Charge the hyperdrive.” Was Prime’s next order.

He lifted the Sword he held and crossed the space to a segment of the main command console. Forward, center.

It was strange that Prime would move the fleet somewhere else immediately after bringing them to a full stop in the middle of nowhere. But when the Emperor commanded, they obeyed.

“The new coordinates, Your Grace?” Asked the navigator.

“No new coordinates.” Prime informed them. “Charge up the hyperdrive and funnel the dilithium into the forward canon.”

The bridge crew of the Velvet Glove, Horde Prime’s hand chosen group of clones than ran his ship, never hesitated. But Horde Prime had never ordered them to funnel hot, active, charged dilithium from an active hyperdrive, into the ship’s weapons.

“Your… Grace…?”

Prime turned to the one that had spoken. Glowing eyes blazing a silent warning. How dare they question a direct order from him. He was more than their Big Brother. He was their creator. He made them in his own image. Gave them the gift of sentience so that they could better serve him. This job was to serve. Not to question.

The one that spoke swallowed a lump of nerves. “Y-yes, Your Grace.”

Together, the Chief Engineer and Science Officer overrode the safeties and emergency shut-offs that prevented any leakage in the hyperdrive core. Engines and pistons groaning under the pressure and strain they were being put under. A choir of stressed equipment and hardware. Every console and screen on the command bridge lit up with alerts and warnings that the core was open, the hyperdrive was compromised, the dilithium was leaking, the forward cannon was being flooded by charged photons that could bend spacetime.

Prime inserted the Sword into a slot on the console.

All new alerts lit up across the screens.

“Fire the forward canon along the trajectory of these coordinates.” He commanded.

Uneasy as it made all of them, there was no hesitation again. Their Brother gave an order and he already made it clear that he did not appreciate his orders being questioned.

The canon fire streaked across the empty space in front of the Velvet Glove. An energy and particle beam that was usually red in color was stained an uneasy mottle orange and yellow. Prime giggled the Sword in its slot, aligning it better with the non-Imperial tech rigged into the console. The stone of the hilt of the sword glowed, and the beam outside changed color again. Shifting from orange and yellow, to sickly green, then blue, then white.

In space, if a beam did not impact with anything solid, it just kept going. Shooting through space until it finally did collide with something.

But this one didn’t.

It cut through the empty space, like cutting through fabric. Edges of darkness fraying like threads and peeling back, curling away from the cut like an overly tight knit. A tattered tare opening up in empty space. And through the tare was darkness. No stars. No planets. No light. Save one sphere. Orbited by several smaller moons. A planet. One single planet floating in otherwise empty despondent darkness.

It had been centuries since Prime saw it last. But it was an image that was burned into the back of his mind. A place synonymous with the loss of this son.

Etheria.

Somewhere on that world was the one that got away.

“Ground the dilithium.” Prime ordered. “Stabilize the rift. I want it to remain open.”

The Chief Engineer and Science Officer had to do some quick calculating and jerryrigging to fulfill their Brother’s command. But when the forward canon was shut down, the rift remained open.

Everyone paused a moment. Staring at it.

Did- did Horde Prime just break the universe and creature a portal to another world?

“Open a hailing channel to the Leather Vest.” He commanded. “Red Hord is to take his ship and his forces to that planet, retrieve unit 66694-42-003, and if he finds an alien female that wields a legendary blade of light, bring her to me. I want her alive. I want her sword. And if there is anyone on that rock she cares about, I want them too.”

Alive. So that he could kill them in front of her. So that She-Ra could know what it felt like to hold her most cherished person in her arms as the life drained out of them, and realize that there was nothing she could do. That the universe was cruel, and cold, and she was helpless. Hopeless.

[suchagiantnerd]

48 Books, 1 Year

I was just two books shy of my annual goal of 50! You can blame the combination of my adorable newborn, who refused to nap anywhere except on me, and Hallmark Christmas movie season, during which I abandon books for chaste kisses between 30-somethings who behave like tweens at places called the Mistletoe Inn (which are really in Almonte, Ontario). 

Without further ado, as Zuma from Paw Patrol says, “Let’s dive in!”

1. Human Errors: A Panorama of Our Glitches, from Pointless Bones to Broken Genes / Nathan H. Lents

We have too many bones! We have to rely too much on our diet for survival! We suffer from too many cognitive biases! Reading about our design flaws was kind of interesting, but the best part of this book were the few pages toward the end about the possibility of alien life. Specifically this quote: "...some current estimates predict that the universe harbours around seventy-five million civilizations." WHAT?! This possibility more than anything else I've ever heard or read gives me a better idea of how infinite the universe really is.

2. The Fiery Cross / Diana Gabaldon

Compared to the first four books in the Outlander series, this fifth book is a real snooze. The characters are becoming more and more unlikeable. They're so self-centered and unaware of their privilege in the time and place they're living. Gabaldon's depictions of the Mohawk tribe and other First Nations characters (which I'm reading through her character's opinions of things) are pretty racist. The enslaved people at one character's plantation are also described as being well taken care of and I just.... can't. I think this is the end of my affair with Outlander.

3. Educated / Tara Westover

This memoir was a wild ride. Tara Westover grew up in a survivalist, ultra-religious family in rural Idaho. She didn’t go to school and was often mislead about the outside world by her father. She and her siblings were also routinely put in physical danger working in their father’s junkyard as their lives were “in god’s hands”, and when they were inevitably injured, they weren’t taken to the hospital or a doctor, but left to be treated by their healer mother. Thanks to her sheer intelligence and determination (and some support from her older brother), Tara goes to university and shares with us the culture shock of straddling two very different worlds. My non-fiction book club LOVED this read, we talked about it for a long, long time.

4. Imbolc: Rituals, Recipes and Lore for St. Brigid’s Day / Carl F. Neal

Continuing with my witchy education, I learned all about the first sabbat of the new year, Imbolc.

5. Super Sad True Love Story / Gary Shteyngart

This in-the-very-near-future dystopian novel got my heart racing during a few exciting moments, but overall, I couldn’t immerse myself fully because of the MISOGYNY. I think the author might not like women and the things women like (or the things he thinks they like?) In this near future, all the dudes are into finance or are media celeb wannabes, while all the women work in high-end retail. And onion-skin jeans are the new trend for women - they are essentially see-through. Gary….we don’t…want that? We don’t even want low-rise jeans to come back.

6. The Wanderers / Meg Howrey

Helen, Yoshi and Sergei are the three astronauts selected by a for-profit space exploration company to man the world’s first mission to Mars. But before they get the green light, they have to endure a 17-month simulation. In addition to getting insight into the simulation from all three astronauts via rotating narrators, we also hear from the astronauts’ family members and other employees monitoring the sim. At times tense, at times thoughtful, this book is an incisive read about what makes explorers willing to leave behind everything they love the most in the world.

7. Zone One / Colson Whitehead

The zombie apocalypse has already happened, and Mark is one of the survivors working to secure and clean up Zone One, an area of Manhattan. During his hours and hours of boring shifts populated by a few harrowing minutes here and there, the reader is privy to Mark’s memories of the apocalypse itself and how he eventually wound up on this work crew. Mark is a pretty likeable, yet average guy rather than the standard zombie genre heroes, and as a result, his experiences also feel like a more plausible reality than those of the genre.

8. Homegoing / Yaa Gyasi

One of my favourite reads of the year, this novel is the definition of “sweeping epic”. The story starts off with two half-sisters (who don’t even know about each other’s existence) living in 18th-century Ghana. One sister marries a white man and stays in Ghana, living a life of privilege, while the other is sold into slavery and taken to America on a slave ship. This gigantic split in the family tree kicks off two parallel and vastly different narratives spanning EIGHT generations, ending with two 20-somethings in the present day. I remain in awe of Gyasi’s talent, and was enthralled throughout the entire book.

9. Sweetbitter / Stephanie Danler

Tess moves to New York City right out of school (and seemingly has no ties to her previous life - this bothered me, I wanted to know more about her past) and immediately lands a job at a beloved (though a little tired) fancy restaurant. Seemingly loosely based on Danler’s own experiences as a server, I got a real feel for the insular, incestuous, chaotic life in “the industry”. Tess navigates tensions between the kitchen and the front of house, falls for the resident bad-boy bartender, and positions herself as the mentee of the older and more glamorous head server, who may not be everything she seems. This is a juicy coming-of-age novel.

10. The Autobiography of Gucci Mane / Gucci Mane and Neil Martinez-Belkin

Gucci Mane is one of Atlanta’s hottest musicians, having helped bring trap music to the mainstream. I’d never heard of him until I read this book because I’m white and old! But not knowing him didn’t make this read any less interesting. In between wild facts (if you don’t get your music into the Atlanta strip clubs, your music isn’t making it out of Atlanta) and wilder escapades (Gucci holing himself up in his studio, armed to the teeth, in a fit of paranoia one night) Gucci Mane paints on honest picture of a determined, talented artist fighting to break free of a cycle of systemic racism and poverty.

11. I’ll Be Gone in the Dark: One Woman’s Obsessive Search for the Golden State Killer / Michelle McNamara

McNamara was a journalist and true crime enthusiast who took it upon herself to try and solve the mystery of the Golden State Killer’s identity. Amazingly, her interest in this case also sparked other people’s interest in looking back at it, eventually leading to the arrest of the killer (though tragically, McNamara died a few months before the arrest and would never know how her obsession helped to capture him). This is a modern true crime classic and a riveting read.

12. A Great Reckoning / Louise Penny

The 12th novel in Penny’s Inspector Gamache mystery series sees our hero starting a new job teaching cadets at Quebec’s police academy. Of course, someone is murdered, and Gamache and his team work to dig the rot out of the institution, uncovering a killer in the process.

13. Any Man / Amber Tamblyn

Yes, this novel is by THAT Amber Tamblyn, star of “The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants”! Anyway, this book is a tad bit darker, and follows five men who’ve been victimized by the female serial rapist, who calls herself Maude. Going into this read I though that it might be some sort of revenge fantasy, but dudes, not to worry - we really feel awful for the male victims and see them in all their complexity. Perhaps, if more men read this book, they might better understand the trauma female and non-binary victims go through? That would require men to read books by women though. Guys? GUYS???

14. Ostara: Rituals, Recipes and Lore for the Spring Equinox / Kerri Connor

Yet another witchy read providing more information about this Spring sabbat. 

15. Scarborough / Catherine Hernandez

This novel takes place in OUR Scarborough! Following the lives of a number of residents (adults and children alike), the plot centres around the families attending an Ontario Early Years program as well as the program facilitator. Hernandez looks at the ways poverty, mental illness, addiction, race, and homophobia intersect within this very multicultural neighbourhood. It’s very sad, but there are also many sweet and caring moments between the children and within each of the families.

16. The Glitch / Elisabeth Cohen

Shelley Stone (kind of a fictional Sheryl Sandberg type) is the CEO of Conch, a successful Silicon Valley company. Like many of these over-the-top real-life tech execs, Shelley has a wild schedule full of business meetings, exercise, networking and parenting, leaving her almost no time to rest. While on an overseas business trip, she meets a younger woman also named Shelley Stone, who may or may not be her younger self. Is Shelley losing it? This is a dark comedy poking fun at tech start-up culture and the lie that we can have it all.

17. The Thirteenth Tale / Diane Setterfield

This is my kind of book! A young and inexperienced bookworm is handpicked to write the biography of an aging famous author, Vida Wynter. Summoned to her sprawling country home around Christmastime, the biographer is absolutely enthralled by Vida’s tales of a crumbling gothic estate and an eccentric family left too long to their own whims. Looking for a dark, twisty fairytale? This read’s for you.

18. Love & Misadventure / Lang Leav

Leav’s book of poems looked appealing, but for me, her collection fell short. I felt like I was reading a teenager’s poetry notebook (which I’m not criticizing, I love that teen girls write poetry, and surprise, surprise - so did I - but I’m too old for this kind of writing now).

19. Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows / Balli Kaur Jaswal

Hooo boy, my book club loved this one! Hoping to get a job more aligned with her literary interests, Nikki, the 20-something daughter of Indian immigrants to Britain, takes a job teaching writing at the community centre in London’s biggest Punjabi neighbourhood. The students are all older Punjabi women who don’t have much to do and because of their “widow” status have been somewhat sidelined within their community. Without anyone around to censor or judge them, the widows start sharing their own erotic fantasies with each other, each tale wilder than the last. As Nikki gets to know them better, she gains some direction in life and starts a romance of her own. (It should be noted that in addition to this lovely plot, there is a sub plot revolving around a possible honour killing in the community. For me, the juxtaposition of these two plots was odd, but not odd enough that it ruined the book.)

20. Beltane: Rituals, Recipes and Lore for May Day / Melanie Marquis

Beltane marks the start of the summer season in the witches’ year, and I learned all about how to ring it in, WITCH STYLE.

21. Summer of Salt / Katrina Leno

This book is essentially Practical Magic for teens, with a queer protagonist. All that to say, it’s enjoyable and sweet and a win for #RepresentationMatters, but it wasn’t a surprising or fresh story.

22. Too Like the Lightning / Ada Palmer

This is the first in the Terra Ignota quartet of novels, which is (I think) speculative fiction with maybe a touch of fantasy and a touch of sci-fi and a touch of theology and certainly a lot of philosophical ruminating too. I both really enjoyed it and felt so stupid while reading it. As a lifelong bookworm who doesn’t shy away from difficult reads, I almost never feel stupid while reading, but this book got me. The world building is next level and as soon as you think you’ve found your footing, Palmer pulls the rug out from under you and you’re left both stunned and excited about her latest plot twist. Interested in finding out what a future society grouped into ‘nations’ by interests and passions (instead of geographical borders and ethnicity) might be like? Palmer takes a hearty stab at it here.

23. The Trauma Cleaner: One Woman’s Extraordinary Life in the Business of Death, Decay and Disaster / Sarah Krasnostein

When Sarah Krasnostein met Sandra Pankhurst, she knew she had to write her biography (or something like it - this book is part biography, part love letter, part reckoning). And rightly so, as Sandra has led quite a life. She grew up ostracized within her own home by her immediate family, married and had children very young, came out as a trans woman and begin living as her authentic self (but abandoning her own young family in the process), took to sex work and lived through a vicious assault, married again, and started up her own successful company cleaning uncleanable spaces - the apartments of hoarders, the houses of recluses, the condos in which people ended their own lives. Sandra is the definition of resilience, but all her traumas (both the things people have done to her and the things she’s done to others) have left their mark, as Krasnostein discovers as she delicately probes the recesses of Sandra’s brain.

24. Becoming / Michelle Obama

My favourite things about any memoir from an ultra-famous person are the random facts that surprise you along the way. In this book, it was learning that all American presidents travel with a supply of their blood type in the event of an assassination attempt. I mean OF COURSE they would, but that had never occurred to me. I also appreciated Michelle opening up about her fertility struggles, the difficult decision to put her career on hold to support Barack’s dreams, and the challenge of living in the spotlight with two young children that you hope to keep down to earth. Overall, I think Michelle was as candid as someone in her position can be at this point in her life.

25 and 26. Seven Surrenders, The Will to Battle / Ada Palmer

I decided to challenge myself and stick with Palmer’s challenging Terra Ignota series, also reading the second and third instalments (I think the fourth is due to be released this year). I don’t know what to say, other than the world-building continues to be incredible and this futuristic society is on the bring of something entirely new.

27. Even Vampires Get the Blues / Kate MacAlister

This novel wins for “cheesiest read of the year”. When a gorgeous half-elf detective (you read that right) meets a centuries-old sexy Scottish vampire, sparks fly! Oh yeah, and they’re looking for some ancient thing in between having sex.

28. A Case of Exploding Mangoes / Mohammed Hanif

A piece of historical fiction based on the real-life suspicious plane crash in 1988 that killed many of Pakistan’s top military brass, this novel lays out many possible culprits (including a crow that ate too many mangoes). It’s a dark comedy taking aim at the paranoia of dictators and the boredom and bureaucracy of the military (and Bin Laden makes a cameo at a party).

29. Salvage the Bones / Jesmyn Ward

This novel takes place in the steaming hot days before Hurricane Katrina hits the Mississippi coast. The air is still and stifling and Esch’s life in the small town of Bois Sauvage feels even more stifled. Esch is 14 and pregnant and hasn’t told anyone yet. Her father is a heavy drinker and her three brothers are busy with their own problems. But as the storm approaches, the family circles around each other in preparation for the storm. This is a jarring and moving read made more visceral by the fact that the author herself survived Katrina. It’s also an occasionally violent book, and there are particularly long passages about dog-fighting (a hobby of one of the brothers). The dog lovers in my book club found it hard to get through, consider this your warning!

30. Everything’s Trash, But It’s Okay / Phoebe Robinson

A collection of essays in the new style aka writing multiple pages on a topic as though you were texting your best friend about it (#ImFineWithThisNewStyleByTheWay #Accessible), Robinson discusses love, friendship, being a Black woman in Hollywood, being plus-ish-size in Hollywood, and Julia Roberts teaching her how to swim (and guys, Julia IS as nice in real life as we’d all hoped she was!) Who is Robinson? Comedy fans will likely know her already, but I only knew her as one of the stars of the Netflix film Ibiza (which I enjoyed). This is a fun, easy read!

31. Midsummer: Rituals, Recipes and Lore for Litha / Deborah Blake

After reading this book, I charged my crystals under the midsummer sun!

32. Fingersmith / Sarah Waters

So many twists! So many turns! So many hidden motives and long-held secrets! Think Oliver Twist meets Parasite meets Lost! (Full disclosure, I haven’t seen Parasite yet, I’m just going off all the chatter about it). Sue is a con artist orphan in old-timey London. When the mysterious “Gentleman” arrives at her makeshift family’s flat with a proposal for the con of all cons, Sue is quickly thrust into a role as the servant for another young woman, Maud, living alone with her eccentric uncle in a country estate. As Sue settles into her act, the lines between what she’s pretending at and what she’s really feeling start to blur, and nothing is quite what it seems. This book is JUICY!

33. Rest Play Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (Or Anyone Who Acts Like One) / Deborah MacNamara, PhD

I read approximately one parenting book a year, and this was this year’s winner. As my eldest approached her third birthday, we started seeing bigger and bigger emotions and I wasn’t sure how to handle them respectfully and gently. This book gave me a general roadmap for acknowledging her feelings, sitting through them with her, and the concept of “collecting” your child to prevent tantrums from happening or to help calm them down afterward. I’ll be using this approach for the next few years!

34. Lughnasadh: Rituals, Recipes and Lore for Lammas / Melanie Marquis

And with this read, I’ve now read about the entire witch’s year. SO MOTE IT BE.

35. In Cold Blood / Truman Capote

How had I not read this until now? This true-crime account that kicked off the modern genre was rich in detail, compassionate to the victims, and dug deep into the psyche of the killers. The descriptions of the midwest countryside and the changing seasons also reminded me of Keith Morrison’s voiceovers on Dateline. Is Capote his inspiration?

36. I’m Afraid of Men / Vivek Shraya

A quick, short set of musings from trans musician and writer Shraya still packs an emotional punch. She writes about love and loss, toxic masculinity, breaking free of gender norms, and what it’s like to exist as a trans woman.

37. The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You / Elaine N. Aron, PhD

Having long thought I might be a highly sensitive person (lots of us are!), I decided to learn more about how to better cope with stressful situations when I don’t have enough alone time or when things are too loud or when I get rattled by having too much to do any of the other myriad things that shift me into panic mode. Though some of the advice is a bit too new-agey for me (talking to your inner child, etc), some of it was practical and useful.

38. Swamplandia! / Karen Russell

The family-run alligator wrestling theme park, Swamplandia, is swimming in debt and about to close. The widowed father leaves the everglades for the mainland in a last-ditch attempt to drum up some money, leaving the three children to fend for themselves. A dark coming-of-age tale that blends magic realism, a ghost story, the absurd and a dangerous boat trip to the centre of the swamplands, this novel examines a fractured family mourning its matriarch in different ways.

39. A Mind Spread Out on the Ground / Alicia Elliott

This is a beautiful collection of personal essays brimming with vulnerability, passion, and fury. Elliott, the daughter of a Haudenosaunee father and a white mother, shares her experiences growing up poor in a family struggling with mental illness, addiction and racism. Topics touch on food scarcity, a never-ending battle with lice, parenthood and the importance of hearing from traditionally marginalized voices in literature. 

40. Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay / Elena Ferrante

The third novel in Ferrante’s Neapolitan quartet sees Elena and Lila move from their early twenties into their thirties and deal with a riot of issues - growing careers, changing political beliefs, the challenges of motherhood and romantic relationships, and existing as strong-willed, intelligent women in 1960s and 70s Italy. I’ll definitely finish the series soon.

41. Half-Blood Blues / Esi Edugyan

A small group of American and German jazz musicians working on a record find themselves holed up in Paris as the Germans begin their occupation in WW2. Hiero, the youngest and most talented member of the group, goes out one morning for milk and is arrested by the Germans, never to be heard from again. Fifty years later, the surviving members of the band go to Berlin for the opening night of a documentary about the jazz scene from that era, and soon find themselves on a road trip through the European countryside to find out what really became of Hiero all those years ago. Edugyan’s novel is a piercing examination of jealousy, ambition, friendship, race and guilt. And features a cameo by Louis Armstrong!

42. A Serial Killer’s Daughter: My Story of Faith, Love and Overcoming / Kerri Rawson

So Brad and I had just finished watching season 2 of Mindhunter, and as I browse through a neighbourhood little library, I spot this book and the serial killer in question is the BTK Killer! Naturally, I had to read it. What I didn’t realize is that this is actually a Christian book, so Rawson does write a lot about struggling with her belief in God and finding her way back to Him, etc. But there are also chapters more fitting with the true crime and memoir genres that I equally enjoyed and was creeped out by.

43. The Night Ocean / Paul La Farge

This is another book that made me feel somewhat stupid as a reader. I just know there are details or tidbits that completely went over my head that would likely enrich a better reader’s experience. In broad strokes, the novel is about a failed marriage between a psychiatrist and a writer who became dangerously obsessed with H.P. Lovecraft and the rumours that swirled around him and his social circle. The writer’s obsession takes him away from his marriage and everything else, and eventually it looks like he ends his own life. The psychiatrist is doubtful (no body was found) and she starts to follow him down the same rabbit hole. At times tense, at times funny, at times sad, I enjoyed the supposed world of Lovecraft and his fans and peers, but again, I’m sure there are deeper musings here that I couldn’t reach.

44. Glass Houses / Louise Penny

The 13th novel in Penny’s Inspector Gamache mystery series sees our hero taking big risks to fight the opioid crisis in Quebec. He and his team focus on catching the big crime boss smuggling drugs across the border from Vermont, endangering his beloved town of Three Pines in the process. 

45. The Bone Houses / Emily Lloyd-Jones

My Halloween read for the year, this dark fairytale of a YA novel was perfect for the season. Since her parents died, Ryn has taken over the family business - grave digging - to support herself and her siblings. As the gravedigger, she knows better than most that due to an old curse, the dead in the forest surrounding her village don’t always stay dead. But as more of the forest dead start appearing (and acting more violently than usual), Ryn and an unexpected companion (yes, a charming young man cause there’s got to be a romance!) travel to the heart of the forest to put a stop to the curse once and for all.

46. The Witches Are Coming / Lindy West

Another blazing hot set of essays from my favourite funny feminist take on Trump, abortion rights, #MeToo, and more importantly Adam Sandler and Dateline. As always, Lindy, please be my best friend?

47. Know My Name / Chanel Miller

This memoir is HEAVY but so, so needed. Recently, Chanel Miller decided to come forward publicly and share that she was the victim of Brock Turner’s sexual assault. She got the courage to do so after she posted her blistering and beautiful victim impact statement on social media and it went viral. Miller’s memoir is a must-read, highlighting the incredible and awful lengths victims have to go to to see any modicum of justice brought against their attackers. Miller dealt with professional ineptitude from police and legal professionals, victim-blaming, victim-shaming, depression and anxiety, the inability to hold down a job, and still managed to come out the other side of this trial intact. And in the midst of all the horror, she writes beautifully about her support system - her family, boyfriend and friends - and about the millions of strangers around the world who saw themselves in her experience.

48. Christmas Ghost Stories: A Collection of Winter Tales / Mark Onspaugh

Ghosts AND Christmas? Yes please! This quirky collection features a wide array of festively spooky tales. You want the ghost of Anne Boleyn trapped in a Christmas ornament? You got it! What about the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future drinking together in a bar? Yup, that’s here too! 

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So, what were my top picks of the year, the books that stuck with me the most? In no particular order:

Educated

Homegoing

The Wanderers

Know My Name

Scarborough