#who I guess used to be monotheists when all of the stuff about you know monotheism in the old testament was written by them

[anarchotolkienist]

A Swedish Christian Identity church has been founded, it seems (although their theology isn't worked out enough as far as I can tell, they are some variety of Gnostics, believe that Christ was not Jewish (and by that reckoning he can't be of David's seed, and therefore not the Messiah - although I guess they would deny that David and Moses were Jewish too) and believe that the Swedes are the chosen people (???) and are explicitly committed to ethno-nationalism. They describe themselves as 'evangelical Lutheran' but, uhhh, fairly sure Lutheran theology, or indeed the evangelium, is pretty clear on the status of Christ as Jewish. A rather important part.

[the1975attheirverybest]

I get that this is surprising for some, especially when there’s confusion about Irish catholicism, but I’m seeing some fans tease him or use his past words against him, and I don’t like that at all. Saying this is just a new ADHD hyper-fixation or that he’s having a mental breakdown is such a low blow. It’s just mean. 

If I Believe You is such a beautiful song that, in my opinion, comes from a very honest and vulnerable place. Do people think he just pulled that out of his ass? There was a point where he seemed quite angry about the idea of anyone believing in a God and in my experience, most atheists don’t feel that way unless they have a personal reason to. 

I’m not saying he’s having some type of religious epiphany. I think his keyword was “proud”, not that he isn’t an atheist (by definition, he is). It sounds weird but there are many people who identify with a religion but don’t believe in a God. He can respect the culture and traditions without being a believer. Religious by tradition is different than religious by faith. I’m an atheist that was raised in a religious family. I go to church for Christmas and Easter, I’ll bless myself passing a graveyard, etc. I was baptized so I’ll technically always be catholic. It’s odd but I appreciate the traditions, and I identify with the religion more through philosophy, rather than belief in a God. 

I don’t know, maybe I’m too sensitive but he clearly sees our tweets, and he’s posting a lot of stuff from Reddit. He just started interacting with us on socials again, it’d be nice if people showed him the same respect he always gives us.

Yeah, first of all, If I Believe You IS ELITE AND I WILL NOT TOLERATE SLANDER AGAINST IT!!!!!! Even as someone who DOES believe in god myself and practices an organized monotheistic religion I fuckin love that song and get SO emotional about it. “If it was you that made my body you probably shouldn’t have made me atheist” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!! Goosebumps!!!!

C’mon we all know Matty’s song writing is nothing if not authentic. He won’t write a song just to write a song. It’s not like he sat there and said “need a Jesus song hmmmm”

Also, like, someone’s allowed to change and grow! Of course his initial arrival at the atheist conclusion is not gonna be the same after years and years more of living, seeing the world, thinking about it more, etc.

Even for religious folks. Ok I guess I shouldn’t speak for everyone. In MY experience as a practicer of religion, the version of religion that I used to believe in when I was young is VASTLY different from the one that I believe in today. And there have been many feelings and positions along the spectrum leading me up to today.

Why should that be diminished? He used to feel a certain way, and now he feels slightly differently about it. He was young and still figuring out who he is at the time and now he’s in his mid 30s and has a more complex identity. If a song does or doesn’t align with his beliefs now he may or may not choose to still perform it but it doesn’t mean that it’s now invalid or that it wasn’t sincere and authentic when he wrote it.

Why isn’t Matty allowed to grow lmaooo. You guys notice this?? Like even with his apology and stuff. People never wanna believe that he’s learning and trying to evolve. Not just about religion but about everything he does. It’s sooo annoying like let him be! Let him live. God forbid we should catch one of these Twitter idiots on their OWN mistakes or even beliefs that they’ve grown out of??? ???

[elbiotipo]

As someone who was raised both Catholic and Evangelical (long story), you can see from a mile away when a non-religious writer tries to write a *religious* character or setting and has no idea how religion or belief works. For example:

A character is supposedly religious, but when faced when extreme distress, tragedy, or danger, they never pray, not once.

Similary, they are never thankful to God (or their respective beliefs) when good things happen to them.

In fact, they don't mention God at all. Which is even weirder with religious beliefs that unlike Christianity, don't have a taboo of "taking the Lord's name in vain" and who invoke God all the time in daily life.

The Church Is Evil. Which, yeah, of course I can see where it comes from. But what I mean by are the setting portray The Church as an institution where everybody is forced into it, nobody really is faithful or wishes to serve God or their religion, nobody goes willingly...

Similarly, no mention whatsoever of the spiritual or emotional component of religion. It's all about The Church as an institution. Peasants don't REALLY believe in God, silly! They go to church because the nobles tell them to!

That goes with that smug little aura of "oh, they don't REALLY believe this don't they like, it's all made up anyways and even they know it". Evil believer characters are of course shown as evil and use religion for power. Good believer characters are a little misguided, they believe in this silly stuff haha! but they're still good, even if dumb lol.

I can't quite explain it, but it's just the feeling of some authors going, especiallly on fantasy settings: "oh of course everybody went to church back then because they were oppressed and dumb, and I have to write an equivalent for it I guess, but they didn't really believe on that stuff, they were just forced on it, not like me, who I am smart, like my characters."

(Yes, I'm looking directly at GRRM. Also, 90% of horror movies.)

On the other side of the spectrum, believer characters who follow All The Rules. Everybody knows that for good or ill, most religious people don't follow every single of their beliefs; some bend to their own personal desires, others don't follow the rules they disagree with or have their personal reasons to do things differently, and some just forget or don't care, but they still believe.

When there's a single monolithic way to believe, both in real life and fantasy settings. I come from Latin America, and there could be whole encyclopedias written about the syncretism of the Catholic Church with native beliefs here. People believe in God, Jesus, and pay homage to Andean dieties like Inti and the Pachamama (associated with the Virgin Mary), spirits and curanderos (which some evangelicals consider witchcraft, despite most curanderos telling you their power comes from God first and foremost), and see no contradiction whatsoever.

By that same token, witch hunting as portrayed in fiction is often based in the Salem Trials, which ocurred in 1692, far, far from the Middle Ages and in the extremely fundamentalist Puritan Colonial US. "Witchcraft" and spiritism have been coeexisting, if uneasily, with exclusive monotheist religions all over the world for millenia, yes, even in medieval Europe; the puritan take on it is far from the only or the mainstream position on it.

Let's not forget all the different denominations and theological debates present in every religion. Just take a small look at the Christological debates or the many denominations of Hinduism. There is just NO way any kind of belief can be monolithic.

In fantasy settings, no mention of religious festivals (which are often an excuse to party) and rituals. For us in modern times it sounds strange, but life in pre-industrial civilization was SET by religious calendars and festivals, they were incredibly important (and still are in rural areas).

Neatly defined polytheist gods every single one with their own portfolio: the Death God, the Sun God, the Sea God, with fixed relationships and heirarchy. In real life, polytheist religions assigned many different roles to their gods (Poseidon was the god of the Sea, Horses, and protector from Earthquakes, just an example) and often changed their power dynamics (see the Egyptian pantheon and Aten, or the cult of Isis (previously a secondary goddess), or how Inti "replaced" Viracocha as the main Andean god when the Incas expanded their empire).

Polytheist religions with no fixed scriptures often have MANY different, sometimes contradictory, ways of interpreting the gods, and often take gods from other cultures and incorporate them into their pantheon, sometimes upholding some gods over others, sometimes even going into montheism or monolatrism. A culture worshipping the same pantheon with no changes for millenia, even centuries, is just silly.

I frankly could go on and on but really...

Yes, you don't have to tell me that there have been major atrocities and suffering commited under the name of religion to justify some of these tropes. I am painfully aware. I do believe that settings with Evil Churches or characters who are supposedly believers but don't mention God at all are dime a dozen, so I'm entitled to complain.

[cosmictulips]

1 and 19 for the polytheist asks :D

1. Were you born into your faith? If not, how did you discover it?

I was born into a heavy catholic family but was raised southern baptist.

just let that sink in lmao.

My struggle began with literally not understanding the bible lmaooo. I was so interested in the book of... revelations I think it's called that I didn't care for the rest haha.

but as I got older and started doing something called Christian Science, I just got more interested in other religions. to be fair, I never felt good at a church. I never felt like I could connect to God. and I always wondered how Priests would connect to god.

I remember something so fucking stupid that got me on the path to wicca haha. my friend was talking to me in art class and i had drawn like.. the four elements and she was like, oh so you're wiccan and I was like ??? what?

so I started googling it a bit and I found wicca. from there I learned about native american shamanism and for awhile I was like, yea I guess I'm wiccan.

but stranger shit started occuring like seeing spirits and having some funky ass dreams and i was like, wicca isn't answering everything. so I started this witchblog. wasn't good for much of anything it was just holding all the information I was interested in.

I have an older sister who is into chakras and that stuff and by this time I was becoming aware of what closed practices were, how the west ... uses those practices and so I wanted something that was very... cut and dry so to speak. which, I know now I would have to figure out on my own lmao.

but essentially, she ended up giving me my first tarot deck. and I hated tarot. and I was like, okay so I'm not a diviner but perhaps I could write to some sort of god.

so someone... Noonymoon or something, she was giving out these deity readings. and this was backkkk in the og days of witchblr haha. and I was like, I do want to worship a god. but, given my connection to nature I didn't want to be monotheistic. it never and still doesn't seem right to me that one powerful being...rules everything.

and that's when I discovered which gods wanted to work with me. I purposely stuck to Greek because I know their myths well and i love their culture and history.

in hindsight I probably should've chosen celtic LOL. but, it's fine. from there, I just started working out my kinks. like I found a tarot deck I really connected with. I found pendulums I like, and I suddenly didn't feel in pressure -and this is where we cut to the second question-

but yea, I discovered it through some people essentially. through my grandmother mentioning shamanism, my sister telling me to go into anthropology, my old friends telling me about wicca, my older sister who despises but gave me my first pendulum and tarot deck.

and then from old witchblrs who got me thinking haha.

19. How have your Gods affected your life?

well, that's also a funny story.

I asked aphrodite to send me the love of my life. she sent me two men. one didn't care enough and left within a few months. the other used me for two years to cheat on his wife.

and then every man who has sense come in has not been good enough for me. and I wouldn't even have to say it, they did . each and every one of them has told me that I'm above their league. that I'm too good for them and they want me to find me someone in my level.

I asked athena for guidance with school and I would proceed to flunk every fucking semester until I forced myself into a major that is risky but I know I would excel in.

since then I have found so many like minded peers. I don't feel so strange in what I'm doing, and I have basically gotten over my social anxiety.

I ask Hermes ... well. I don't ask hermes, I just ask him to get me to where I need to be safely, and along the way he sends me so many dogs! so many fucking dogs. I love them. I have to scream hermes every time.

I ask Eirene and Soteria to feel safe and at peace with my own body and I feel good about who I am. I ask Enyo and Ares to help me get over my anger issues and not only have I learned to control my anger for the most part but I'm not longer ashamed that I have it. I am proud to be aggressive when I have to be. I am proud to be the protector of my friend group and of what little family I call...family.

they have taught my what it is exactly that I've been feeling for so long. and they taught me to honor my rage but to also let it go.

and I guess in a way, they have all taught me many things. Aphrodite taught me to trust my intutiion and to demand more out of romance. Athena taught me to stop settling for things that don't sit right with me. Artemis has taught me to get out more. to enjoy the nature around me and to just... breathe to put it simply.

Then there's zeus.

he is my father figure to say the least. he... is still very intimidating to me lol and I try to make him proud. he wants me to be sure of who I am before I approach him. and it's funny cause right now I am sure of who I am. I am ALWAYS sure of what makes me me.

but then we talk. and he asks me who I am. he tells me not to be so hard on myself and is there to comfort me when shit gets rough. and suddenly it's like i don't know who I am.

and I think he's the reason why I've been getting into therapy. I've found some great exercises on youtube when it comes to that stuff because I can't afford a therapist right now.

he's made me grounded.

also quick shoutout to apollo for showing me so much classical music. my GODS i love the french horn haha

but yea. for better and for worse the gods are there helping me. and I try to honor them everyday.

[unculturedmamoswine]

I just finished rereading Tortall and Other Lands, and made a totally subjective ranking of the stories. I posted it on reddit but I figured, what the hell, may was well post here too. If i could put it under a cut I would but sadly I am on mobile.

11) Time of Proving

It's good and all; I especially like the concept that the protag, Arimu, has to live alone and map new lands for a year to show her value to her people in order to lead them. But I think I like that bit of worldbuilding more than the actual plot. Though I do think it's pretty cute that Arimu comes up with excuses to keep helping Sunflower. An enjoyable story that's just eclipsed by the greatness of much of the rest of the book.

10) Plain Magic

I like this story. I like the thread magic especially. However, I don't think it really shows us anything new from Tammy if that makes sense. The thread magic, the ignorant folks doing stupid things, the cool stranger whisking away a gifted protagonist to a new life, it's all familiar ground for Tammy fans.

9) Lost

It's hard to put this story so low on the list. It has a lot of qualities to love, but much like Plain Magic it seems like it does mostly what we've seen from other Tammy content. Adria is a girl good at math, which isn't that valuable a thing in her society. But people around her recognize that and take her away to a better place for her, Tortall of course. And we get the darkings, which, cute as they are, seem kinda.. OP. They were OP in Aly's books, too. Ah well, despite my complaints it's still really cool and a fun story. And I love the way it shows the effects of years of abuse and how it makes you feel small. The way Adria's father uses fear to control her whole family, and the way Adria gets away from him by showing her courage, those are important things. I feel sure someone out there was helped by this story, you know?

8) Elder Brother

When I did my ranking, I was baffled that this story was so far down. I really like this story. That's the trouble with ranking stuff you really like, I guess. Fadala is a cool character, Qiom is an even cooler one, and I love reading about Qiom struggling to live his new, more confusing life. Reading about him weeping over his last apples is somehow really sad? And it's very cool to read about a totally different part of the world in the Tortall universe.

7) Huntress

It's very cool to read a modern-day story by Tammy! I love the merging of modern times and the fantasy elements of our usual Tammy stories. It's interesting to see how Corey (I don't think we learn her first name?) isn't devout, and arguably isn't even a believer, but the Goddess still comes to her aid anyway. I suppose it's out of respect for her family. I love the touch of the Goddess wearing modern day running gear. But my favorite thing has gotta be the total utter batshit crazy Pride. What completely insane villains. It's very Tammy to cast the murdering freaks as a bunch of privileged rich douchebags who think they can do whatever they want if they prey on the vulnerable and those that society has deemed as valueless. Golly, does that remind you of anything? It's nice that this story takes a fairly strong 'murder is bad' stance, when even in real life plenty of people are ok with rapists and drug dealers getting murdered. And I like that Tammy shows, through the Lions' threats to rape Corey, that they clearly aren't killing 'bad' people in order to be good guys, but just so they can get away with it easier. Though you could argue that the Goddess killing all the kids somewhat undercuts the 'no murder' message...

6) Testing

Admittedly I probably wouldn't like this one as much as I do if it weren't for the context of it being a semi-autobiographical account of Tammy around the time she rewrote Alanna's books as books for teens. That being said, it's a sweet story that looks at how vulnerable kids can come to trust an adult in lives that have been tumultuous and hard. It's honestly such a feel-good yet realistic tale.

5) Student of Ostriches

I think this one appeals to the kid in me. I was always so enchanted by African animals as a kid and that never really went away. Kylaia teaching herself to fight and run using the animals of her home as inspiration is just unbearably cool to me haha. Though it is much the same as I've said about Plain Magic and Lost in that it's well-trod ground for Tammy, Student of Ostriches really works for me. And it's always nice to have a peek into parts of the Tortall-verse we don't often see.

4) Mimic

I think Mimic sticks in my head more than any other story in Tortall and Other Lands. Ri, Mimic, Grandpa, even the dogs and the crow are all great characters. The beautiful setting, with the great plain and the storms, the dragons, the compact between the village and birds, it's all so memorable. I love that it's about choosing to grow up, and how you can't go back but it's worthwhile and necessary.

3) The Dragon's Tale

Call me basic, but I love dragons! It's so nice to see a story about Kitten, so great to see things from her point of view. Not being able to speak for sixteen years sounds like a freaking nightmare, but she handles it pretty well, I'd say. I like that she clearly thinks of Daine and Numair as her parents, and she adores her bestie Spots, it's just so cute! They really love each other, and I will always be a sucker for stories about people who love each other. But it's not just cute, there's some great meat here in the form of new characters like Afra, Uday, and Kawit and, best of all for me, worldbuilding! I really like when we see glimpses of the Tortall universe that we could never have imagined, as with Beka's unusual wild-adjacent magic. Here we get to see Kawit and learn that she's another example of an immortal that humans overlooked when locking them away four hundred years ago (and we get to see more of Tammy's love of opals lol). I like the subtle implication that opal dragons may be almost a link between classic dragons and basilisks, what with the beaded skin and long long tails. We learn more about Kawit's unusual magic. We get an explicit confirmation of the fact that multiple colors of Gift= more powerful Gift. This whole story is just crammed full of fascinating Tortall content with a soft, gooey center.

2) Nawat

This story is heavy, which is why I like it. I enjoy it when non-human characters are actually characterized as being fundamentally different from humans. It's challenging for the reader and the author to connect with a guy who is considering killing his kid, but I think Tammy succeeds here. It's hard to watch Nawat struggle with the different parts of his life coming together, and sad to see him feeling like his heritage is slipping away. It's nice to see that he really will be able to teach his kids about their own crow heritage when Ochobai grows her first quill. It's also fun to see Aly through his eyes.

1) The Hidden Girl

This story is so good that it makes Elder Brother better just by existing. It's really cool to have Fadala and Teky exploring different attitudes with regard to their culture. While Fadala has an almost Alanna-esque rejection of what her society sees as feminine, we also get to see Teky appreciate what powers women in her society are afforded, and also see her work to change some of the things she sees as wrong. While Fadala isn't willing to play by her people's rules and elects to leave them behind, Teky wants something better for everyone in her homeland. Neither of these attitudes is wrong, they're just different reactions to institutionalized inequality. Like Elder Brother, The Hidden Girl shows us new and fascinating Tortall content in the form of the more monotheistic culture on the far side of the world, which is very cool. We've never really seen an oracle before, and it's a cool new 'badass girl' archetype to add to the Tortall roster. It's all just wonderful, knowing women are changing things all over the world in this verse.

[greenteabtch]

Get to Know Me Meme- What Makes You Happy?

AHH I lost who tagged me but I’m pretty certain it was @isalavhenan! Thank you for thinking of me these are super fun <3

Rules: List 15 things that make you happy, then tag 10 more people (no order!)

Straight up off the bat my mutuals because they ya’ll give me SUCH a laugh and are always teaching me something new, clawing me further and further into this fandom hahaha. And you’re all enabling my clown behavior. 

Drawing!! Even though I have negative one million patience and just churn stuff out at random hours it’s so much fun to have that initial burst of creativity and just rush to create. Also just saving copious amounts of people’s art work for inspiration, like if I’ve reblogged from you your art is probably in my camera roll.

Finding things that fit my niche. Like gorgeously crafted tarot cards, devilish looking cats, cute clothes that have symbols I relate to like bees and dragons. Individualist type of stuff. also bears

Astrology and personality quizzes, because I love finding out about EVERYONE and myself because humans are so unique and dynamic to me I just want to know every little part of them even if I can’t.

Nothing satisfies me more than a freshly made bed. And I’m terrible at it because I have soo many layers so it’s really a treat.

Making jokes and coming up with weird and hilarious stuff like @otheliame and I’s conversation about using blood magic to increase dong size.

Finding random stuff in the back of the closet or garage like a penny board and just takin that bad boy for a SPIN! 

Coffee, coffee, more coffee. It’s so good, so good, so good. At the height of my addiction (when I was a temp at an office) I was consuming at least 8 cups throughout the day. And yeah ok it’s bad for me and none of you should do it but also it was freaking AMAZINGGGG

Mysteries, murder, detectives, oh my! I’ll never get tired of Bones, I relate too much to her character and appreciate her dedication to learning. What a dream!

Scary movies. What’s a sleepover without a little demonic sacrifice? Also, Ghost Adventures is a guilty pleasure because I think they get good stuff, even if I think it’s too monotheistic in their approach and obviously biased and not based in fact. Ok it’s fun i guess.

Eyeliner. it’s been my brand since sophomore year, and girl.... my wings.... woosh. When I get done up... wow. it’s a ... MOMENT.

Telling people I love them. There’s something extremely profound about just saying I love you to people. So much joy and happiness is derived from a shared moment of mutual affection, when two separate people bare themselves and say you are cared for in the most powerful way. Wow.

On that note, my boyfriend, he’s such a goofball like Alistair in real life. I love him so much and he always lifts me up everyday, and I appreciate him for being independent and confident enough to encourage me to pursue all my passions.

Making memes. I’m a meme maker, a connoisseur. I’m the back alley chef of memes who shoves five pounds into your coat and tells you to break left. The fool born of a line of court jesters beheaded and drowned for being too damn funny.

Did you make it this far? I love you. Fine, lastly, boba and sushi, because if I had to live a life without them I might fuck around and end it all. I went to Chicago for tour once and my classmates and I were freaking out because there wasn’t any boba so we found ONE place and it was powdery and terrible. Same story but like the Phillippines with my boyfriend and sushi. sigh.

NICE!!! I don’t know who has and hasn’t been tagged yet so I’m gonna tag  right now and feel free to ignore me as per usual @darkspawntaxcollectors @otheliame @dragonagetrash @noire-pandora @lyrium-lovesong @windy-dream

ok now i’m shy

[claudiatm]

↷       introducing      𝓬𝓵𝓪𝓾𝓭𝓲𝓪      𝓿𝓪𝓻𝓰𝓪𝓼      !

full  name  :  claudia  marisol  vargas nickname/s  :  claud  ,  clauds  ,  claudie  ,  d date  of  birth  :  march  25th  ,  1999 ethnicity  :  spanish  &  indonesian gender  :  cis female pronouns  :  she/her sexual  orientation  :  bicurious

↷       the      𝓽𝓻𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓪        !

wealthy  /  moderate  /  poor  /  in  poverty

fit  /  moderate  /  sickly  /  disabled  /  disadvantaged

has  a  child  or  children  /  has  no  children  /  wants  children  (  maybe  someday  but  undecided  ).    

close  with  sibling(s)  /  not  close  with  sibling(s)  /  has  no  siblings  /  sibling(s)  is  deceased

orphaned  /  adopted  /  disowned  /  raised  by  birth  parent(s)

extroverted  /  introverted  /  in  between

disorganized  /  organized  /  in  between

close  minded  /  open-minded    /  in  between

calm  /  anxious  /  in  between

disagreeable  /  agreeable  /  in  between

cautious  /  reckless  /  in  between

patient  /  impatient  /  in  between

outspoken  /  reserved  /  in  between

leader  /  follower  /  in  between

empathetic  /  unemphatic  /  in  between

optimistic  /  pessimistic  /  in  between

traditional  /  modern  /  in  between

hard-working  /  lazy  /  in  between

loyal  /  disloyal  /  in  between

monotheist  /  polytheist  /  atheist  /  agnostic

belief  in  ghosts  or  spirits:  yes  /  no  /  don’t  know  /  don’t  care

belief  in  an  afterlife:  yes  /  no  /  don’t  know  /  don’t  care.

belief  in  reincarnation:  yes  /  no  /  don’t  know  /  don’t  care.

belief  in  aliens:  yes    /  no  /  don’t  know  /  don’t  care.

heterosexual  /  homosexual  /  bisexual  /  asexual  /  pansexual

drinking  alcohol:  never  /  sometimes  /  frequently  /  to  excess

smoking:  never  /  sometimes  /  frequently  /  to  excess

other  narcotics:  never  /  sometimes  /  frequently  /  to  excess

splurge  spending:  never  /  sometimes  /  frequently  /  to  excess

↷       the      𝓯𝓪𝓶𝓲𝓵𝔂      𝓱𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓸𝓻𝔂        !

claudia’s  family  consists  of  her  two  mothers  ,  julia  and  olivia  ,  and  her  affectionately  nicknamed  ‘  uncle  adrian  '  ,  aka  her  biological  father  (  though  she  has  never  labelled  him  as  such  ).  

her    upbringing    was    privileged    ;    she    was    well-loved    to  the  brink  of  becoming  spoilt,  and  could  do  no  wrong  in  their  eyes.

that  said,  although    she    was    the    apple    of    her    parents'    eye,  their    actual    time    spent    together    was    sparse.  the  regular  trips  to  europe  pretty  much  made  up  for  it  though.

 her    parents    co-own    a    high    fashion    brand,    vargas    inc.,    thus    inspiring    claudia's    own    interest    in    design    .

claudia  is  an  only  child  ,  though  her  parents  have  recently  been  pondering  adoption  (  a  symptom  of  their  impending  empty  nest  syndrome  according  to  claudia  ).  contrary  to  most,  claudia  actually  cherished  being  the  only  child  during  her  childhood  and  has  never  really  craved�� for  a  sibling  like  most  solitary  children  do  -  but  tell  her  she's  just  jealous  at  the  prospect  of  having  to  share  her  parents'  attention  ,  at  the  big  age  of  twenty  one  ,  and  she'll  kick  you.

an  extended  member  of  the  vargas  family  is  claudia's  eight-year-old  poodle,  clancy.  she  absolutely  adores  him  with  every  beat  of  her  heart  and  he  regularly  features  in  her  instagram  stories.

↷       first      impressions      :      𝓽𝓱𝓮      𝓫𝓮𝓵𝓵𝔀𝓮𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻         !

as  a  child  ,  claudia  exudes  confidence.  she  easily  gravitates  toward  the  role  of  the  it  girl,  with  her  mothers'  money  to  fund  her  every  move.  she’s  thirteen  when  the  cracks  begin  to  appear  -  the  friends  who  smile  a  little  too  brightly,  or  the  boys  that  treated  her  like  a  prize  to  be  won  before  she  even  really  knew  what  it  meant  to  be  desired.  her  entire  concept  of  herself  feels  flimsy;  one  blow  and  it  would  all  come  crashing  down.

what  enables  her  role as  the  bellwether  throughout  school  is  the  mystery  she  begins  to  shroud  herself  in.  she  turns  heads  because  everybody  is  curious  as  to  who  she  is  and  what  she  is  doing.  she  doesn't  have  to  raise  her  voice  to  draw  attention;  it's  in  the  way  she  carries  herself,  who  she  surrounds  herself  with,  and  most  importantly  how  she  dresses.  she  learns  to  use  her  beauty  as  a tool.  she  knows  that  others  yearn  to  be  like  her,  and  it's  like  a  power  rush. 

but  there's  a  certain  fragility  behind  maintaining  perfection;  one  wrong  move  and  it's  over.  it  makes  claudia  a  slightly  cautious  teen;  of  course  she  parties,  but  she  never  entirely  lets  go.  she  can't  be  seen  with  a  drink  spilled  down  her  dress,  or  sick  in  her  hair.  she’s  never  been  spotted  in  public  without  her  hair  and  makeup  done,  and  her  nails  are  never  chipped.  she  screams  unattainable  and  she  loves  it.

↷       beneath      the       𝓼𝓾𝓻𝓯𝓪𝓬𝓮      !

claudia's  a  perfectionist  by  nature  and  can  be  pretty  tough  on  herself.  during  high  school  and  college  there  were  times  where  she  could  have  let  loose  a  little,  but  her  studies  always  came  first.  her  motivation  is  her  thirst  for  success  -  she  doesn't  want  to  live  off  her  parents'  money,  or  be  known  simply  through  their  success.  she's  determined  to  make  her  own  name  in  the  world.

with  such  a  strong  desire  for  success  comes  the  anxiety.  although  you  wouldn't  guess  from  first  impressions,  claudia  has  suffered  with  anxiety  for  most  of  her  life.  she  can  spin  a  good  facade,  with  her  bold  fashion  sense  and  her  untouchable  persona,  but  inside  there's  a  fragile  girl.  her  younger  years  saw  her  battling  an  eating  disorder  that  very  few  people  know  about.  i'd  say  college  really  opened  claudia's  eyes.  she  still  holds  herself  to  exceptionally  high  standards,  but  she's  learned  that  sometimes  it's okay  to  let  go  a  little  -  though  it's  a  lesson  still  in  progress.

her  relationship  with  grayson  and  the  deceit  has  left  a  harsher  impact  on  her  life  than  people  might  expect.  of  course  details  would  need  to  be  planned  out  with  the  writer  behind  him,  but  i  imagine  that  claudia  took  it  hard  -  burn  his  stuff,  lowkey  crying  in  public  hard.  for  claudia,  i  think  one  of  the  worst  things  about  it  was  the  feeling  that  no  matter  how  hard  she  tried  to  be  the  perfect  girl,  none  of  it  was  enough  -  she  wasn't  enough.  to  this  day,  claudia  is  weary  of  relationships  simply  because  she  refuses  to  let  herself  fall  back  into  that  dark  hole  when  it,  inevitably,  goes  wrong.  she  doesn’t  want  to  allow  somebody  that  power  over  her.  instead  she's  settled  for  flings  with  no  labels  attached,  where  she  feels  she  has  the  control.

behind  her  exterior  is  a  much  softer  soul.  claudia  may  not  seem  like  the  warmest  of  people,  but  she  does  care.  she's  not  one  to  easily  let  people  close  but  when  she  does,  she's  a  really  genuine  friend.  she'll  hold  your  hair  back  after  you've  downed  too  many  shots,  she'll  bake  cookies  to  soothe  your  heartache,  or  gift  you  her  favorite  pair  of  boots  just  because  they'd  look  so  good  on  you.

[verystupidrpgideas]

Why Warlock is the Objectively Best Class - A Critique on Every Class in Dungeons and Dragons

I will be listing the reasons why every class is bad, what strong points it has, and why it is inferior to the Warlock class. 

Barbarian - The barbarian is a relatively simple class, and basically “Hit it until it dies”. There’s definitely some room for creative choices, but the class itself is rather bland unless you find magic items or you spec in a weird way.

Bard - The bard, along with the warlock, is one of the two classes that will destroy campaigns singlehandely at least once in your life. While the bard typically goes for the route of “talk your way out of everything”, the Warlock’s route is “criminal your way out of everything” which has many more options. You can kill the guy, frame him, rob him, etc. when in a sticky situation, while the bard is limited by his ability to talk. 

Cleric - Clerics serve gods rather than making deals with gods. Tell me, who gets the better end of that deal? The god that gives a few of his powers in exchange for downright servitude, or the god that offers powers in exchange for a simple contract telling the user to carry out the god’s will? Plus, when you think cleric, you think healing, whereas when you think warlock, you think badass evil wizard. ‘Nuff said. 

Druid - Treehugging know-it-alls can’t even hold a torch to the awe-inspiring power of the warlock. If you go a natural route as a druid with vines and trees, you’re weak to fire, one of the most common things in the DnD universe (what with wizards, sorcerers, and warlocks running amok). If you choose to be a furry instead, you have versatility, but there’s a reason tigers and such aren’t commonly seen today. Anyone with moderate combat training (which is almost as common as fire) and a good set of armor / weapons (common among adventurers) can beat up nearly any animal that a druid of similar level shapeshifts into. 

Fighter - The fighter is probably the most versatile class, with archetypes ranging from the sellsword to the spellsword. You can have a nimble, speedy fighter, or you can have a goliath fighter donned in a huge set of armor that just yeets any foes. You know what other class is versatile? The warlock. Yeah, you can beat me up, but what if I just open this portal and summon M̸̀͝Y̷̨͠͝͡ ̸̸̕P̸̧̧̢͢Ą͘Ţ͟R͠͞O̷͟Ń͘ ҉̧̡̨͠Ǵ̶̛͜O̸̢̢͟D̀̀͢͜͠ ̷̛Y̢͞͡͞O̶̵͢͠G͟͡'̶̵̨S̢͠͏͜O̸̢̧T̨̧͡H̀͢ƠT̶̢̨̛͡H̷͏̨ and just vaporize you instantly? You might ask “what about a warlock that isn’t that powerful?” Well, in that case, they can just cast Eldritch Blast every three seconds while running away because fighters need close range. If you’re fighting a fighter that uses ranged weapons, or a speedier fighter, just use your highest level spell slots and they’ll fall like twigs. The dexterity required to run circles around an opponent or fire a bow comes with an inverse correlation with protection. 

Monk - As if a warlock could ever lose to a monk. Monk is the dumbest D&D class, hands down. Like, seriously. You hear of evil bards looking to seduce everything in sight, druids corrupted by the demonic taint of the land they’re in, fighters that simply wish to earn a quick buck with your death, clerics and paladins tainted and corrupted by evil magic, bloodthirsty barbarians, crazy wizards and sorcerers, evil thieving rogues, and warlocks that wish to take over the world. But when’s the last time you’ve heard of a monk villain? That’s right, never. Let’s look at other media franchises with monk classes. Diablo 3 has monks, but they’re painfully terrible, using their fists at first level (and later levels in some builds). Compare that to the necromancer, who summons bones from the ground at first level, or the wizard, who shoots missiles of arcane. Want another example? Warcraft. The three “specs” (for those who don’t play Warcraft, this is basically the three unique playstyles of the class) are Brewmaster, a tank that uses beer to take hits, Windwalker, a class that uses the air sometimes I guess but mainly uses their fists, and the Mistweaver, which uses soothing mists to heal their friends. Yeah, even in a game like Warcraft, that makes no sense. You’re telling me that by drinking beer, I can survive hits from raid bosses like Ragnaros, ruler of the Plane of Fire? Yeah, chug down a few beers and jump into a volcano, tell me how that goes. The other specs aren’t much better. Windwalker uses fists and legs, rarely using weapons at all. I highly doubt that even as trained as you are that you’ll be able to kill someone as fast as a guy with a gun (such as the Hunter). Mistweaver makes about as much sense as Brewmaster. Are you telling me that if I spray someone with Febreze it’ll cure their wounds? “Ah, yeah, found how to cure my patient’s bronchitis. Let me just spritz their lungs a few times”. The warlock may use magic and stuff, but at least it makes sense with the rules of the DnD universe. The monks are the laughingstocks of all the base DnD races, and that’s for good reason. Screw monk. 

Paladin - Paladins are like fighter clerics. They worship gods, but have the same problems as clerics (with weaker spells) and don’t have the versatility of fighters. Honestly, paladins are kinda dumb, almost as dumb as monks. Seriously, who even designed that dumb class? It was in the game since THIRD EDITION. Meanwhile, the Warlock got into the game in 4e. Are you kidding? Wizards of the Coast, this baffles me. You can’t seriously believe that some shirtless guy with fists and discount Jesus deserves inclusion over a class who gets their power through a demonic pact. Honestly, if Monk is still in 6e whenever that comes out, I’m going to be very upset. The class has no redeeming features, yet despite having two chances to cut the dumb idiot out, the monk continues to stay in the  game. 

Ranger - The ranger was one of the five core classes in AD&D 1e, along with the fighter, thief, magic-user and... oh fuck this.

Rogue - Turns out, the Monk was in the game since first edition and my 3e source was wrong. This is the dumbest thing ever. The sorcerer wasn’t in the game yet, the barbarian wasn’t in the game yet, Druid was still a subclass of Cleric, there were only around seven races, and there wasn’t a warlock yet. Hell, in Dragon Magazine 53 a D&D fan named Philip Meyers argued that the Monk was the weakest class;

“Of all the character classes in the AD&D™ game, the class of monks is the most difficult to qualify for. A monk must have exceptional strength, wisdom, and dexterity, and — if he or she wishes to survive for very long — constitution. The odds of rolling up such a character, even using the various “cheating methods” listed in the Dungeon Masters Guide, are not favorable. Given this, one would expect a monk to be a powerful character indeed. At first glance this would appear to be true. The Grand Master of Flowers can reasonably claim to be the most powerful fighter around, able to inflict 128 points of damage in a single round. This superiority, however, is more theoretical than real. In actual practice, the monk is the weakest of the character classes, not the strongest.“ - Dragon Magazine #53

This is downright insulting. They gave the monk overpowered abilties (128 damage in a round!!!!) and still the class was absolutely terrible, just like it is now. When’s the last time you heard of a monk that bards told tales about? Of the five DnD 1e classes, which of the five is not one of the four main archetypes in popular culture? 

Sorcerer - Hell, why would the monks even have the abilities they had? Clerics make sense, they have faith healings which originate in the real world. Bards are a stretch, but the idea of a song inspiring someone isn’t anything new. But fucking MONKS lived in monasteries in medieval England, and that’s what they’re most known for. What would a realistic monk have the ability to do in D&D? The ability to copy things from a book quickly? Oh, wait, the Printing Press kinda fixed the need to do that. Good party trick, I suppose. The ability to form a self sufficient house with multiple members? Alright, but you’ll need a lot of money, a lot of other people, and slaves. Did I mention monks were slaveowners? And they pretend to be a good force of light or whatever. 

Wizard - Wizards learn with books, warlocks don’t need to learn, they have patrons. Guess what other class reads a lot? Monks. Except they don’t get the cool benefits of Wizards, they just get “closer to god” or whatever. Unfortunately for you, MONKS, the D&D world isn’t your monotheistic fantasy world of Jesus. There’s multiple gods, and they’ll kick your god’s ass in a fight. 

(Sidenote about that last paragraph, I’m making fun of monks in the D&D world, not real Christians, and I don’t intend to be hating anyone for their religious views)

So I hope all of you liked my writeup! Sorry it took so long, it was hard trying to find objective reasons for a lot of these (and I had to rewrite the Druid class a lot of the time to avoid calling them “vegan pieces of shit” which is a lot harder than it sounds). Anyway, choose Warlock the next time you make a new character.

[izzy-b-hands]

Aten Pt. 4

Onwards we go with this story, where it ends...well I think I’m supposed to know. But we aren’t done yet, I know that much. Got a bit more in me for this one!

Based Ahk’s footwear in part of this off of these: https://www.ysl.com/us/shop-product/men/shoes-sandals-culver-sandals-in-smooth-leather_cod11808611cu.html#dept=men_nouveautes

Also, you may notice in this that I took some liberty with historical accuracy and also accuracy on things like metal-working. Normally, I’d have found a way to make it work, but also that version of things majorly ruined it here, if I’m honest. No one except a few people want to read like...the history of metal-working (me lmao.) So I sort of dipped over and around all that and made it work so we wouldn’t lose the plot as much, hopefully it worked out okay!

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

“I don’t miss this bit.” 

Aten laughed, then sniffled as they snuggled in bed, the sun trickling in through the small window of the bedroom. “Morning breath? Feeling groggy?” 

Ahk nodded, and cuddled closer into Aten’s shoulder. “Do we have to get up?” 

“Not yet. I’m skipping classes today since I still feel gross, so there’s no rush to be anywhere.” 

And that was perhaps the best thing he had heard in ages as he let Aten hold him close, until the sun hit his skin.

He couldn’t help it; it had been so long. He was out of bed like a shot, opening the blinds and letting the sun hit him fully. At some point, they’d both stripped out of their shirts, and the warmth on all that bare skin was overwhelming. 

He didn’t realize that he’d dropped to his knees, or that he was crying until he felt Aten’s arms around him, pulling him up and holding him tight. 

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay. Larry told me about the tablet, what can happen, but you said you have it switched so you’re safe, remember? And you are, you’re just fine.” 

“I know,” he couldn’t fight back the sobs. “But I had forgotten. It’s so warm, so bright. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until now.” 

Aten led him into the living room, where he pulled aside the other set of blinds so the room was flooded with sunlight, and he lost himself for a good few minutes. 

He thought only of the opera then, of Akhenaten, who had raised ire in his monotheistic worship of the sun, and while he couldn’t necessarily justify all that had happened during the other pharaoh's reign, he could in that moment understand the elation, the joy of it, could see why the Aten had captured him so strongly. 

Especially because as he found himself at the window, on his knees, bent over so his head was at the floor, in a worshiping position he hadn’t taken for literally thousands of years, the Aten warming his living skin, his Aten was beside him in a similar pose. 

He knew it was incredibly unlikely that his Aten followed anything like the religion his people had in the past, but that he would join him, would try, would sit in the moment of ecstasy and happiness with him, made him weep with joy even harder. 

It was at least a half hour, even after he’d sat back up, Aten again pulling him close, before he was back to himself again, able to speak. 

“Thank you. You didn’t have to, and I can’t imagine the sun made you feel better, ah, you should be in bed sleeping still-” 

“I’m all good,” Aten said softly. “I should thank you. That was...I don’t know how to describe it, it felt powerful and cleansing and I’ve never...I’m not a religious guy, but that was...I just feel really good right now, and kind of emotional and...yeah.” 

The ringing of Aten’s phone interrupted their smiles and giggles, and he was reluctant to let Aten go to answer it. 

“We gotta go,” Aten said. “C’mon. Uh...shoot. We should really shower, but I told Larry we’d be right over...fuck.” 

“What?” 

“I guess he sent a photo of the tablet to the restoration dude? And he’s freaking out because he doesn’t think he can fix it without possibly making it worse or breaking another part of it, so Larry is freaking out and he’s thinking you’ll freak out, and now I’m freaking out and-” 

“Okay, just...stop using that phrase for a moment,” Ahk soothed. 

“I’m sorry, I’m frea-” 

“I know, it’s okay,” Ahk said, interrupting Aten before he could wind up again. “This isn’t great news but..I’ve had this idea. In my head since we met, and I think it could work. But you’re right, we’ll need to be with the tablet, with Larry to help us. I’ll also need some tools and gold...I can melt down some of the other artifacts probably, they’re basically mine at this point...” 

“Ahk!” 

“What? They are, and do you know how much is in storage at the museum? They won’t notice it missing, and it should be in a museum back in my home anyway, but I digress,” Ahk tutted. “We reused things all the time back at home, if we needed the raw materials for something else.” 

“I...that’s a fair point. It kind of goes against everything I’ve been learning, to destroy an artifact,” Aten sighed. 

“I know. But I’m going to use it all to make a new one, and fix the tablet. And the new one will be for us only. Text Larry, tell him we’re going to get cleaned up and ready, then we’ll be over. Tell him to have a coffee or something, get breakfast and stop freaking out.” 

Aten nodded before dashing off to the shower, then immediately coming back out of it. “Water won’t work.” 

“Sorry?” 

He shrugged. “There’s no water! I’ll have to call my landlord...” 

“If this works,” Ahk said gently. “Then we are moving somewhere nicer. I’ll figure it out, we just are.” 

“What do you have...” 

“Go get dressed,” Ahk instructed with a smile. “I’ll just stay in this, since I don’t really have anything else.” 

“My closet is open,” Aten said, then sniffled, and Ahk felt bad making him leave when he still wasn’t feeling well. 

“You surprise me then. Grab me something too, and I’ll wear it. I trust your judgement.” 

He sat with the pen and paper from his bag as Aten dashed off again to the bedroom, and started his work. He was far from an expert in this, and it had to be done just right, just so. 

But he was feeling confident. If this worked, they would both benefit, even if their relationship ever ended. 

***

At the museum, Larry was a wreck, standing in front of Ahk’s exhibit, where a ‘under construction’ sign had been placed. 

“What took you so long?” 

“We had to get dressed,” Ahk said, and watched as Larry’s eyes widened and took in the sight in front of him. 

Aten, as it turned out, had a variety of nice things hidden in his closet that he wore when he wasn’t in class or sitting at home, and while some of it was baggy on Ahk, it was better than walking around in sweats 24/7.  

A loose soft black tank top, with a white linen shirt unbuttoned over it and acid-washed skinny jeans that were tight enough he’d struggled to get them on even with Aten’s help, plus a pair of sandals that Aten had told him he certainly didn’t have to wear, there was a reason they’d stayed at the back of his closet for so long. But Ahk liked them. They were gaudy and plain brown leather with an odd set of straps, and utterly unlike anything he’d worn before, and now he found he didn’t want to take them off. 

“You...certainly did. But we’ve gotta figure this out, now, because I can’t keep the rest of the staff off of your exhibit for much longer, and the restoration expert wants me to like, quarantine your exhibit and I really need to sleep and-” 

“Breathe. I’ve got an idea. But I do need your help, and then I promise after we’ve fixed this you can go home and sleep,” Ahk interrupted, placing a hand on Larry’s shoulder. “Go get the tablet. I’m going to sneak into the back storage and get some of the artifacts I know won’t be missed.” 

Larry stared at him blankly. “Why?” 

“You’ll see later. And then Aten here is going to see if his college has access to the tools I need, and I believe it does?” 

Aten nodded, then shook his head. “Like...like a forge? I don’t know if...no, mine doesn’t, but I think Buffalo State does, or they offer something to do with metal working? But that’s six hours away.” 

“Road trip it is, then!” Ahk smiled, and left them to it as he wandered down the halls towards the storage area. 

Luckily, it was empty of any other staff as he strode through the Egyptology section, taking whatever smaller and insignificant trinkets he could find, offering up a silent prayer and thanks to wherever the object’s owner was in the afterlife for letting him use it. He didn’t need a lot, just enough to execute his plan and fix the original tablet. 

Even so, the clinking of the artifacts in the backpack borrowed from Aten was loud as he joined Aten and Larry outside of the museum. 

“Why...why is the tablet in a plastic bag?” 

“I couldn’t find anything else!” Larry fussed. “We gotta go, before they notice-” 

“They won’t, it’s fine,” Aten said. “I sort of...wrote a note. As if it was from the restoration expert. They probably don’t remember what his handwriting looks like, right?” 

“What did you say in it?” Ahk asked, smiling at Aten’s blushing. 

“That we took it to be fixed elsewhere because we needed special tools, but that it would be returned as soon as possible, and also that he came back just for this because of his dedication to your exhibit. So, as long as nobody calls him and finds out he’s still not in the city, it’ll be fine.” 

Larry sighed miserably. “This is not fine. This was the game plan?!”

“It’s all going to be fine. Just...don’t drop that,” Ahk said, carefully watching the strain of the tablet’s weight in the bag. “Maybe hold it just...normally. Not with the handles?” 

Larry looked down at the bag and nodded. “Right. Now, we do have better news than us trying to drive six hours away.” 

“One of my friends on the way out of town does metal-working, he said we can borrow his stuff,” Aten said cheerfully. “I know it isn’t like, top grade, but the other option is that we sneak onto a campus...six hours away...” 

“That’s fair,” Ahk said. “I’m not “top grade” either, when it comes to this. If my father knew I’d learned anything of metal work of any sort...” 

“You could have learned how to weave and pissed him and like, literally everyone else off too,” Aten replied. 

Ahk smiled softly. “I did, but only my mother knew about that.” 

He laughed as Aten held his hand up for a high five, while Larry cocked his head like a confused dog. 

“Is this some...academic joke, thing? It is, isn’t it? Ya know, just because I haven’t had time to read all those plaques in there, and the pamphlets, and whatever-” 

“Larry, it’s fine. In my time, weaving was usually restricted to women, and things like metal-working to those not living in a palace. That’s all,” Ahk interrupted his rant before it could start. “We should get going. You need sleep.” 

Larry simply nodded, and they piled into the cab that had pulled up near them, honking incessantly, that Ahk figured Aten and Larry must have called.

It was a shorter ride than he’d expected to the home of Aten’s friend, who didn’t question anything of what they were doing, somehow. He simply smiled, led them to his equipment in his garage and showed the rest in the backyard, and left them to it. 

“You two go rest; you both need it,” he instructed, taking the tablet from Larry as he took in the equipment. It was more modern than what he was used to, not by much (the craft could only change so much, after all), but enough that he was slightly nervous he might fail. 

But he couldn’t. 

And as Larry and Aten left him to rest on the backyard furniture, he convinced himself he wouldn’t. 

Even as it felt dicey, melting down the other artifacts and working to repair the tablet, his linen shirt tossed aside away from the work area, his tank top tucked into his jeans so he might not somehow manage to set himself on fire (he counted out not a single horrible possibility; it had been so long since he’d done it all.) Even as he worked to create the other two new artifacts, mini-tablets, sized just right to be worn as a necklace. One for him, and one for Aten. 

It took the day, and by the end of it all he was a messy; sweaty and tired and half afraid he’d somehow messed up, and he wasn’t even really done yet. 

“Larry,” he called as he brought the tablet back over. “Be careful with it. It’s hardened, but...just be careful with it for the next few hours to be safe.” 

Larry, with his mouth open, drool falling from it, didn’t stir. Nor did Aten, in a similar pose. It was almost artful, the way they mirrored each other in lounging and snoring volume, but Ahk was too tired to appreciate it for more than a moment.

“Okay. That’s fine, I’ll tell you later,” he sighed, gently setting the tablet on the small open part of the concrete slab the furniture was on, so it might not be disturbed, putting the two mini tablets beside it. 

As he dropped near the concrete slab into the grass, he heard a laugh. 

“All done?” 

Aten’s friend was leaned out of the back sliding door of the house, and shook his head at the scene. “They passed out literally before you were even a foot away, you know that right? I knew Tristan was sick, but what about that one?” 

Ahk looked to Larry and chuckled. “Night shift.” 

The friend nodded, and strode out to join him on the grass. “I used to do that. No wonder he’s whipped, if he came straight here.” 

“He did. Larry’s a good friend,” Ahk said softly. He’d really only ended up needing Larry along to transport the tablet, and he felt a bit bad now, having dragged him with when he was clearly exhausted. “So is Aten. A good...” 

“Boyfriend? He is, but he’s always had shit taste in men,” the friend laughed. “Except for now.” 

“I pass your test then,” Ahk said. “Good to hear,....” 

“Owen. And yeah, thus far, you have. He absolutely raves about you, man. I mean, look. I was married once, before I went back to school, and met Tris-Aten. And even at our most in love, I can’t think of a time I raved about my husband like that. I know you two haven’t been together long, but...I think it’s a good sign. He finally found someone good for him.” 

Ahk nodded. “And I for myself. I certainly hope he’ll find what I’ve done good for him.” 

Owen raised an eyebrow, and gestured to the tablets. “Larry and Aten told me a little bit of what was going on, some wild shit. Presuming they weren’t fucking with me about the magic stuff-” 

“All true,” Ahk said. “And the smaller two there? After I can perform the right spell in the moonlight tonight, and then one tomorrow in the morning, they’ll be just as much magic, and grant Aten and I the ultimate gift.” 

“...the big tablet brings you to life, and is what keeps you alive,” Owen said slowly. 

Ahk nodded. 

“So the little ones are gonna...no fucking way.” 

“Fucking way,” Ahk smiled. “It can be changed, of course, if a certain small square on the tablet is turned. If either of us would tire of living. But I can’t imagine I ever will, so long as I’m with him. I just hope he feels the same.” 

Owen’s gaze was soft, gentle as he chuckled. “I’m pretty positive he does. Doesn’t mean there won’t be ups and downs, I’ll tell you that now. Nothing is ever that easy. But if you’re for real, and you guys have all of time to like, talk shit out and work out arguments and all that...then I think you’ll have a fantastic time together, while the rest of us are long gone and rotting.” 

“You’re much too poetic to be an archaeology major,” Ahk smirked.

“Not sure if that’s a compliment or a dig, or both, but thanks,” Owen laughed. “And I’m not, actually. English major who needs more credits, got offered the chance to take some lower and mid-level courses in other program areas, and suddenly there I am watching a bunch of guys like Aten freak out over bones and junk. You gotta come to class one day and watch him, it’s the dorkiest shit, but the best.” 

“I’d like that,” Ahk said, and meant every bit of it. The idea of getting to watch Aten in his element, learning and sharing knowledge and being adorable the whole time, was a beautiful one. 

“I’m gonna drag these guys inside, if you wanna help,” Owen said, and gestured to the still-snoring pair nearly falling off of the lawn furniture. “Then you can do your thing out here once the moon comes out, and come bed down yourself. You guys are welcome to stay into tomorrow too; this was always too much house for me, so someone has to enjoy all the space.” 

He let Owen literally tackle Larry, who seemed as reluctant to move or wake as Ahk figured possible. 

Aten wasn’t much different, even when Ahk pressed soft kisses to his neck. 

“Hm? You done already? That was fast,” Aten slurred as he rubbed at his eyes. 

“Darling, it’s nearly nine at night,” Ahk whispered. “Come on. Owen has offered us shelter for the night and into tomorrow, and you need an actual bed.” 

“You gonna be in it?” 

“Later, sure. I’ve got one last thing to do to the tablets, then I’ll be in,” Ahk smiled. 

“Tablets?” 

His breath froze in his throat. He’d hoped Aten would be tired enough to not ask about it until the next day. 

“Yes. I fixed the original, and with the rest of the gold, I-just come look.” 

He led Aten to the tablets, and put the one bearing his name, both his legal name and nickname, into Aten’s hand. 

“For me? This is cool,” Aten said as he turned it around in his hands, examining the delicate and careful hieroglyphs Ahk had painstakingly inscribed into the gold. “Wait, lemme test out my language skills here. No laughing if I get it wrong! Okay, so...oh, there’s my name! And my nickname, neat. And...” 

Aten’s eyes bulged, and Ahk swore his heart had ceased beating yet again.

“Immortality. If I’ve got this right, and please tell me right now if I don’t, I turn this little panel in the upper left, and the same sort of magic that keeps you alive in the day and night, will make me...” 

Ahk nodded. “I know, this is perhaps the most forward and way too forward of a thing to do. But...even if we’d ever part ways, I’d want you to have it. To have the option, the choice. No one else has this, except for me, and I-I don’t want it to be that way. I want to share it, with someone I want to share everything with.” 

Aten’s eyes were still wide. 

“Please don’t be mad,” he found himself whispering.

“Mad?” Aten scoffed. “Are you kidding? This is...holy shit! This is the coolest, and that isn’t even scratching the surface. It’s amazing! I mean, look, I’ve had past boyfriends try and find cool shit to get me, but no one ever hand made me something that could make me immortal. Like, the bar was never that high of course, because none of them could do that, but...I love it. I love you. I think I’m gonna cry.” 

He already was as he hugged Ahk, who found himself crying too. “Oh thank goodness. I was terrified you might be upset, or not like it, or something. I still have to finish the spells on them, but after that, they’ll be ready to go. I had to alter the original just a bit too, in order for mine to work.” 

“How so?” 

Ahk sighed. “Well. I have it written on the original now that the magic will only apply to the inhabitants of the museum from tomorrow forward. It ends for myself an hour or so after the sun is fully risen tomorrow, then the magic from my new little tablet here takes over; which is why I have to stay up and get these two ready.” 

 “I’ll stay up with you,” Aten said through a yawn. 

Ahk took the tablet from him and left both of them by the big one on the ground as he led Aten towards the house. “No, you’re going to sleep. You need it.” 

“It isn’t fair, that you should have to stay up late on one of the first nights you actually get to sleep,” Aten protested. “Let me stay up with you.” 

“Tell you what,” Ahk said as they walked quietly through the house, past Larry draped on the living room couch, and passed a closed bedroom door where he figured Owen was. A sign, handwritten and taped on the wall, directed them to the guest room. “You can make it up to me in a few days when you’re well again, and can keep me up all night long, just you and me.” 

Aten smiled and sighed as he sat on the bed in the guest room. “You can’t tease me with that and just go.” 

“Have to, my love. The night is clear, and I need the moon for this to work, and I can’t keep her waiting,” Ahk said. “Rest easy; you get to watch me walk away. It’ll give you good dreams.” 

“Cheeky,” Aten giggled, and Ahk carried the sound with him as he went back outside, fetching his linen shirt from where he’d forgotten it in the garage and closing the garage door before heading to the tablets.

This bit, at least, was easy. The words came quickly, and he could feel the magic surge as he worked, the moonlight soft on his skin. He was no priest, nothing like the men who’d worked on the original tablet, but he got the sense the gods weren’t so picky anymore. The world had changed, and so had worship, and any tie to what had been before was grabbed tightly. It was a nice, if somewhat odd feeling, a shock of power and pure emotions leaving him a bit shaken as he finished the spells on all three tablets; new spells for the new two, and an update to the original. 

He sat in the moonlight then, willing himself to stay awake even as his eyes screamed for sleep. It was almost a good feeling, to be tired, to actually need sleep. At the same time, it was a battle he couldn’t lose, he reminded himself as he lay back on one of the lawn lounge chairs. 

He could just rest his eyes for a moment, nothing more.

Just a moment.

[softjeon]

Cinnamon and fairy dust | Pt. 7

• Pairing: elf!Jungkook x Taehyung • Genre: Fluff (with a little bit of angst) | elf!AU ( → Gifset Trailer) • Words: 7,5k | Co-Writer: Cat @cassiavioletblue​  • Disclaimer: mentioning of violence / smut

↳  There are no things such as fairy tales, magical reindeers that could fly, fairies and Christmas elves - at least Taehyung believed so. But everything was about to change, when Jungkook offered him shelter from a snowstorm and a sweet, hot cocoa, wondering about the boy who hated Christmas so much. Nothing that a bit of fairy dust couldn’t fix, right?

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Having Jungkook in his arms was a feeling that Taehyung could never be able to describe to someone else. It felt like home. Something warm and soft. It kept him safe. As absurd it sounded to himself, but even Christmas made sense to him now. If he could, Tae would pile the presents high for Jungkook. He’d run to the end of the world and back. Anything for Jungkook.

When the endorphins started ebbing off Jungkook sensed that he was getting cold and uncomfortable. He was still dirty from where he had come on himself - and where Tae had come inside of him. Luckily the older was as attentive as ever, noticing his discomfort and acting immediately.

“Let me clean you up, baby,” He whispered, kissing Jungkook softly on his ear, before he wrapped his arms around him and lifted the elf up. Tae could feel his own legs still being a little shaky, but he managed to get them both into the little bathroom and shower. It wasn’t really a big one, since everything Jungkook owned was very minimalistic, but it was enough to make sure the younger was all cleaned up. He didn’t let go of him once, until they were back, laying onto the mattress, Jungkook cuddling him with a sated smile. Tae hooked a finger under his chin, making the elf turn his head towards him. A sweet kiss later, when he just wanted to speak up again, he got interrupted by church bells that were echoing all through the morning.

It was Christmas.

Jungkook felt sleepy and drained, his eyes closing whenever he was nodding off for a second. But he didn’t want to sleep, he wanted to be with Tae and cuddle, breathe him in and kiss his lips until the longing in his chest would be sated. He smiled when the church bell interrupted the comfortable silence between them. He loved them.

Taehyung groaned, pulling Jungkook a little closer, waiting until the melodic sound finally stopped. “Baby?” He spoke softly, “Can…can I ask you something?”

“Hm?” Jungkook leaned his head against Tae’s shoulder trustingly, now clean and warm because of the fluffy towel that Tae had wrapped around him. His lower back hurt a little, but he tried to ignore it. “What do you want to know?” His tongue was heavy in his mouth, words sleepy and slurred.

“Do…you maybe want to come…and I don’t know, you really don’t have to, but I know my mom will want me to be home for Christmas,” He stuttered, “I mean…that’s the whole reason I am in this town…Christmas…anyways…do you want to come home? And…spend the day with us? She will probably prepare dinner and all or make you bake for her.” He looked at him anxiously, worrying that he might move a little too fast, but in the end all he wanted was just to spend time with Jungkook, especially since he had to go home soon again. But that was something he didn’t want to think about now. “We can…go and then…visit the fairies tonight? We can bring them cookies and all kinds of stuff?”

He lifted his head to look at Tae properly. “You want me to meet your mum? On Christmas?” Even he knew that humans normally spent Christmas with family - or people they were really close with. And getting to meet Tae’s family on Christmas was definitely special. He hadn’t expected this at all, so he was completely speechless for a second in which he could just blink at Tae before stuttering “Y…Yes, I’d love to…please. That sounds…nice. Really nice. You sure you want me to be there? On Christmas? With your mum?”

Taehyung nodded quick, “Well…it’s just my mom and I anyways and she would love to have someone that loves Christmas as much as she does. I bet, she won’t mind…she kind of had been asking about you already.” He rubbed his neck awkwardly, before telling Jungkook how she had seen right through him. “That’s how humans’ moms usually are…you can’t hide anything from them,” Tae said and brought his hand behind his head. “She’s probably in church right now, so we still got a bit of time,” He turned Jungkook over a little, kissing him while his hand was caressing over the elf’s thigh, before he simply laid his head on Jungkook’s chest and hugged him tight like a plushy.

“Ok then. I’d love to meet her. Just…please don’t leave me alone with her? I’m afraid I might say something wrong or accidentally rude and if you’re there you can help me, right? I’m not much around humans outside of my job so I don’t know what to say and how to behave and everything and I’m sure that on holidays and with families it’s even more important how you act so... I don’t want to do it wrong.” He was a little nervous but also excited to meet Taehyung's family. He closed his eyes when Tae hugged him tightly, just enjoying the skin ship and soaking up the affection. He felt a little vulnerable right now, a little raw, as if he had bared more than his skin to Taehyung.

“Don’t worry, babe. You’ll be more than fine,” Taehyung reassured him, “My mom is very uncomplicated, believe me.” He snuggled Jungkook a little tighter and closed his eyes. “She’s easy to impress…” Tae mumbled, before he drifted off to a little slumber, while Jungkook was caressing through his hair. They stayed like this for a while and Taehyung loved the intimacy, the closeness and warmth. It was perfect. Even if it was Christmas.

A little while later, Taehyung found himself in front of his mother’s home again. The ribbons were still there, looped up on the stairs, the large tartan bow welcoming them. The lights were blinking in all kinds of colors and Taehyung made a disgusted facial expression, but as soon as he turned around to the younger, who was looking rather fond and amazed by the decoration, a smile appeared again.

Jungkook had put on his best clothes, taking a pinch of fairy dust with him in his front pocket, just to be sure. He felt a little safer when he had something with him that reminded him of the fairies presence. Although the moment they pulled up at the Kim’s house and he saw the lovely handmade Christmas wreath at the door he relaxed a little. No one who enjoyed making Christmas wreaths could be mean, couldn’t they? Nonetheless he stood straight and attentive at Tae’s side, combing his curly hair carefully over his ears and then fixated the door.

Taehyung took Jungkook’s hand, intertwining their fingers, before he unlocked the door with his key. “Mom! I’m home and…,” Before he could end his sentence, Taehyung’s mother turned around the corner and called Jungkook’s name.

“Ah, wonderful! I just set the table for three,” She said with a big smile, walking up to the elf to give him a warm hug. Helping Jungkook out of his jacket, she was scolding Taehyung for being so late, “And why weren’t you at church? Did you have something better to do?” She shook her head, but as soon as she looked at Jungkook Tae’s mother smiled again (while Tae was mumbling something, trying to hide the blush), “I hope you’re both hungry.”

Jungkook went rigid when she hugged him, his heart beating against his ribs. He wasn’t used to this. He looked at Taehyung when his mum scolded him for not being in church, wondering if it was something that he and his mum normally did together. He himself avoided churches, he was a little scared of people who believed in monotheistic religions as they tend to be most shocked and aggressive if they got a hint of fae existing. “Y…yes, thank you. Very hungry,” He answered quickly, blushing a little because of his lie.

Taehyung put his arm around Jungkook’s shoulders, kissing the top of his head sweetly as they followed his mother towards the living room. Taehyung looked at the Christmas tree, that was horrendously big and splendorous decorated. His eyes scanned the tree once and then looked around the living room and the glory of the tinseled, ornamental wonderland of figurines, glass bulbs and electrical lights everywhere. His mother walked in, bringing some eggnog and hot chocolate, which Taehyung took right away, dipping some of the cookies into the hot beverage before munching on them happily. The only negative thing in Christmas trees was that they were to die when taken from the woods. So Jungkook was glad to see that this one had a pot with water around its stem, so it would at least stay a little longer. He suppressed the urge to go right to it, touching the needles, smelling its faint aroma of forest and nature and home. It was beautifully decorated, a praise to Christmas, festive and shining.

“I’m glad you’re here with us, Jungkook…,” She began and gave him a cup, so he could choose what he wanted to drink. Then she offered him some of her cookies with a bright smile, “They are not as good as yours of course, but they are okay, I guess.”

The elf sat down at the table, getting a hold on the hot chocolate because he wasn’t that good with alcohol. Letting his guard down wasn’t really an option he liked to explore when he was around humans. „Thank you. It’s really kind of you to invite me here.” He carefully chose a cookie and nibbled on it, his eyes widening at the taste. She was way too humble for how good they were. “Oh, they are delicious,” He told her, wondering what exactly could make Tae hate Christmas so much if he got such amazing decoration and cookies for him to see.

Taehyung was glad that Jungkook was so easily fitting in and it was only a plus, that both had so many interests alike. He groaned quietly, remembering how he had read somewhere that people tend to choose their partners resembling one of their parents. Taehyung reached out for Jungkook’s hand on the table, caressing over his soft skin, while his mother was bringing the food. He sighed in relief when he saw what she had prepared. Last year, he had to eat almost a whole turkey by himself because Tae didn’t want to disappoint his mother and show her, how much he respected the way she had prepared everything. This year however, his mother had decided on something smaller and Taehyung happily tucked in. He watched how she was easily holding up a conversation with Jungkook and Tae didn’t need to talk to her about Christmas or anything else. He wasn’t really listening, just looking out the window and watching the snowfall when he heard his name again.

Jungkook took careful bites of the Christmas dinner. It was tasty and what was even better was that Taehyung’s mum didn’t put the food on their plates but let them choose how much they wanted of everything, so he didn’t have to eat too much meat. He was more comfortable with vegetables and fruits.

“…it’s the first year, Tae wasn’t in church with me,” She started the same topic again, before leaning over to Jungkook, turning her voice down as if someone could listen but the two of them, “I only go on Christmas. It’s tradition you know, not that I necessarily believe in it… but the kids do a play and the whole village is going…and I thought…at least one thing my lovely son could do for me.” She side-eyed Taehyung with a teasing smile, knowing that he would have taken any excuse not to show up anywhere where it had to do with Christmas. Taehyung gave her a quick kiss on the cheek as an apology, before he started taking the dishes and bringing them back to the kitchen. It was always like this, she prepared the food while Taehyung did the dishes right after. Taehyung’s mother gestured towards the more comfortable couch and sat down herself, her fingers wrapped tightly around a warm cup of tea, “Tell me Jungkook…how do you spend Christmas? Do you have family somewhere else, too?”

“I’m sorry, if I had known that Tae was missing out on church I wouldn't have kept him,” He quickly apologized. When Tae started gathering the dishes Jungkook jumped up to help him, but his mum gestured for him to follow her to the couch instead. So, he sat down beside her, gulping harshly at that question.

“I..I have a brother, Yoongi.” Making up too much would be difficult, so he tried to stick as much to the truth as he could while still maintaining what humans would think of as a “normal” family. “He’s older and he takes care of me as our parents have died…from old age. We don’t really do much for Christmas as we have lots of leftover sweets from my shop anyway but... we eat Christmas pudding below the tree, with friends. That’s about it. I love Christmas though. That’s actually what intrigued me about Tae first. His obvious disinterest in it while everyone else was happy and in a festive mood. At first I thought it must be because there’s no Christmas tradition in his family but when I look around now...it’s as nice as it could be.”

Tae’s mother was listening attentively, loving the idea of sharing sweets with friends, “I am sorry for the loss of your parents, but I am glad you have wonderful friends around.” She took a sip from her cup, a sudden sadness washed over her, when Jungkook asked her about Taehyung’s dislike for Christmas.

“You know, it’s simple and it’s complicated. As a child he loved it at first,” She began, looking over to the door to see if Taehyung was coming back. He would definitely not like it, if she told Jungkook too much. “He hates when people pretend to be something they are not. Don’t tell Taetae, please, he’s… very sensitive…,” She took a deep breath, before explaining, “Taehyung’s father left us, when he was very young. He had promised him to come back on Christmas and bring him presents and take him out for dinner…but he never did. Many promises and disappointments later, Taehyung started to despite everything that had to do with Christmas. He didn’t bring anymore presents, didn’t care about anything at all. If it wasn’t for me, he probably wouldn’t be here at all and working instead,” She shrugged her shoulders, “I tried to keep the spirit up…but I guess, I failed. I hope he didn’t rip any of your beautiful decorations in your bakery or something in anger.” She chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, but the image of her son, waiting desperately for his father to come back was forever engraved in her soul, no matter how hard she tried. She averted his gaze, letting it fall down, when something shiny peaked her interest, “Oh, that’s a beautiful necklace, Jungkook. Where did you get it?”

“Oh!” The elf’s eyes shone with compassion for what Tae’s broken heart. “That’s horrible. I’m so sorry” He was glad that he knew now - but he was a bit worried of how he should act towards Tae. He wasn’t sure if he could pretend as if he knew nothing in front of him now that he knew that every decoration and every Christmas cookie reminded Tae of how his father had left him behind. He was glad that the decorations and everything would come down soon now so that Tae wouldn’t have to suffer through more weeks of those kind of reminders - and people being happy about it. “Yes, I…that’s... Tae gave it to me?” He probably should have asked before if Tae’s mum would be fine with her son and him being in love, but he was still a little careful. Better safe than sorry.

“He did?” She smiled fondly, looking at the necklace more closely, “You must mean a lot to him, that he gave you something.” Gazing up at Jungkook, she leaned back to take another sip of her hot beverage, “He doesn’t bring gifts around Christmas. Ever. Not once.” She put the cup away and onto the coffee table nearby, “Do you plan on visiting him in the city? It’s so sad that he must drive home tomorrow. I haven’t had him around for long…” She winked at Jungkook, not one bit mad that he had kept Taehyung occupied.

One moment Taehyung’s mum told him how much he must mean to her son - and then her words were like a slap in the face. He paled hoping that he had misunderstood something. Or maybe that had been Tae’s plan a few weeks ago and then he had changed them and met him and... Surely Tae wouldn’t be so cruel as to not tell him about this. He ... wouldn’t just drive away and never come back. Not after... not after they... He flinched, hard, when Tae’s mum threw her hands up. He felt like there was something wrong with his chest. He couldn’t breathe.

“Oh, that reminds me…presents!” She exclaimed, walking over to the tree to sort out the little packages she had bought. Taehyung, who had finished cleaning the dishes, sat onto the armrest of the couch right next to Jungkook, leaning in to give him a kiss on his cheek. “You good? Sorry, I left you…but it’s kind of a tradition that I do the dishes,” He whispered.

Jungkook trembled when Tae came back, sitting down beside him and being his sweet self. No, Tae wouldn’t do that to him. Not in a million years. He willed himself to smile, reaching for Tae’s hand to intertwine their fingers. He needed him. He had needed him before but now that Tae had his heart he needed him even more. No matter how much he liked Christmas he couldn't care less about presents right now. All he wanted was for Tae to kiss him and tell him that he would never leave him behind. Not like this.

Taehyung noticed the panicked look on Jungkook’s face and motioned for him to shift a little, so he could sit down properly and pulled the younger on his lap. “Are you okay? You’re shaking, babe,” Taehyung asked and wrapped his arms around him to keep Jungkook warm, “We go and visit the fairies soon, okay?” He whispered and kissed the younger’s shoulder and then grabbed his chin to make the elf look at him. A soft kiss was placed on his lips, before Taehyung turned his attention back to his mother, taking the present of her with a smile. He unwrapped it with one hand, the other still holding on to Jungkook’s waist. “Here, this is for you,” Tae’s mother said and gave the younger one a little wrapped up present, “It’s not much but I thought it would be usable for you.”

“Th...thank you,” He stuttered a little in surprise, too caught up in trying to be fine. “I’m sorry, I don’t have anything for you, I didn’t think we would exchange presents. But I’ll give Tae some of my muffins for you next time I bake fresh ones, is that okay?” He carefully unwrapped the paper and out fell a pair of oven mitts that looked like they were hand knitted. “Thank you, Mrs. Kim. They are beautiful. I’ll test these out tomorrow when I reopen the bakery. Did you make them yourself?”

She proudly nodded, a smile on her lips giving away how happy she was in that moment. Taehyung leaned his head on Jungkook, while talking to his mother, letting him stay on his lap and just enjoying the warmth and closeness. He could sense that Jungkook was a little stiff and since Tae thought it was because Jungkook was missing the fairies, Taehyung told his mother that they were still expected somewhere else quickly. A confused expression appeared on his face, when his mother asked if they would visit Jungkook’s brother now but luckily Taehyung just played along.

They said their goodbyes with the promise of visiting again sometime and then they were out again in the blink of an eye. Jungkook held onto his oven mitts, his fingers trembling from what must be the cold.

Like the gentleman he was, Taehyung held Jungkook’s jacket open, so he could slip in easily, before they waved his mother goodbye. Tae quickly grabbed the elf’s hand again, as they were walking down the silent streets, only the lights illuminating the scene while the snow was falling. Everyone was inside, celebrating Christmas with their family, opening presents and just enjoying the fest of love and Taehyung could see glimpses of it through the windows they passed by, until they had reached the forest. Only then, Taehyung spoke up again, “You’ve been wonderful…with my mom, I mean. I think she already adores you a lot.” Kissing the tip of Jungkook’s cold nose, Tae looked a bit worried at the younger, “Are you okay, Jungkookie?” He cupped his cheeks, making the elf look up at him, “What’s on your mind, hm? I can see something is bothering you. Did she say something? Was…was it too much? We can go to the fairies now and if you…need some space, or something.” Taehyung was stuttering a little, thinking that it might have been too much for Jungkook and now that he thought about it, he had never really asked if he can be a part of their Christmas tradition.

“It’s fine, it was nice, really. Your mum is a caring person.” He looked at Tae, at the way he worried about him, how he took care of him. There was no way that Tae would just break his heart like that and leave without telling him a word. But still... his mind couldn't let go. He had to ask or else he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep at all tonight, too scared that when he woke up next time Taehyung would be gone, taking his heart with him. “You... you wouldn’t leave me now, right? I gave you everything I had. You meant it when you said you loved me. You’re going to be with me. Aren’t you?” He smiled at him, hopeful and trusting, waiting for Tae to soothe his heart, maybe give him a little kiss, to make it okay again so that they could go back home, visit the fairies... He wanted to fall asleep in Tae’s arms tonight, with the knowledge that he was safe and that his loneliness was nothing but a bad dream.

Taehyung’s heart was beating fast out of a sudden and he reached out to cup Jungkook’s cheeks, caressing his thumb over his skin. “Of course, I meant it when I said I love you and I want to be with you,” Taehyung reassured him, before his voice dropped a little, “I meant to tell you before, but then this incident with the fairies happened...I have to go home soon. I have to work, Jungkook. I can’t...leave everything just like that from one day to another, even if I wanted to...but that doesn’t mean I’m going to leave you behind. We can work this out, I promise.” He leaned in to kiss Jungkook softly, “I want to give you the world, really and...I would love to take you with me, but I know you have your bakery and the fairies and I’m not sure if you want to leave them behind this quick or if you even want to live somewhere else...or with me. I just...can’t stay here, there’s too many painful memories. This village...you’ve been the best thing that ever happened to me here. Please believe me that I won’t leave you like that and will come back for you, no matter how we decide to keep this going. We...will find a way, okay?”

Taehyung was shivering, and he wasn’t sure if it was from the cold. He was scared that Jungkook didn’t love him enough to wait, or to come with him, that he would break up with him right here, right now, just because he couldn’t promise to stay just like this. This village was depressing him, even with Jungkook and his mother being here. Tae knew that sooner or later he would go crazy. He could feel the tears stinging in his eyes from the fear of losing Jungkook.

Jungkook stared at him eyes wide and filled with disbelieve. “So, it's true. You are going to the city. You will be gone tomorrow.” He blinked as if waking from a shock. His voice was surprisingly calm. Inside he was screaming. “When will you be back?”

Taehyung bit his lip and nodded, “I…I have to be at work the day after tomorrow.” His hands wandered down Jungkook’s arms, trying to reach for his hands and intertwine their fingers. Taehyung was shaking from his own nervousness. “I…don’t know…,” Taehyung said in all honestly, “I probably can manage to come by after new year’s…I think I have a free weekend at the end of January.” His eyes were searching for Jungkook’s, very well aware of the fact that he was hurting the elf with every word right now. “I would take you with me, right away but I am living in a shared apartment right now,” He shrugged his shoulders, “The possibility of the others seeing your ears and…if you would take Yoongi with you… I am already looking for a new place and then…you could…I mean…” Tae’s voice broke a little.

Jungkook cast down his eyes. He tried to keep breathing, in and out, in and out, just like he should. But it felt as if he was inhaling ice crystals with each breath, sharp and pointy little things that cut through his throat, his lungs, his heart. Tae would leave him. Just like Yoongi had said. He had known. The fairy had known what would happen because humans never kept their promises. Their “forever” could last a day with all their promises broken in a heartbeat. He should have listened. He should have… Jungkook looked up, in Taehyung’s beautiful face and the pain flared up so suddenly that he feared something had ripped him apart. It wouldn’t have changed anything. Even if he knew before that he would end alone again then he would still have been with Tae. He just...loved him so much. He was deeply, irrevocably in love with him. Even if Tae wouldn’t come back for him and if he died from it, there still was no way that he could have avoided falling for the other. He had been lost the moment Tae had smiled at him.

“Jungkook? Baby, please…I won’t leave you… I love you and I want to be with you,” Tae said, his voice shaking, before he hooked a finger under Jungkook’s chin to make him look up, “But what do you expect me to do? I can’t quit my job like that…and this town. I can’t…it…” He could feel the first tear falling onto his cheek and Tae angrily wiped it away, “I want to give you everything, want to be with you, believe me. Tell me what I should do? What do you want?”

He wanted to ask Tae to stay, to not leave him alone, especially not now, not so soon… But he couldn’t. He wasn’t supposed to be selfish now. This was about what Tae wanted. keeping him here would make him unhappy. Tae had told him enough how much he disliked the narrow space, to see the same face each and every day, to be constricted by your own history because people who had watched you grown up had such a detailed impression of who you were that there was no room for adaptions or change no matter of what they thought of him was true or not. He couldn’t do that, holding Tae back while knowing it would make the older unhappy.

Taehyung was holding onto Jungkook by now, scared that he would get out of his grip and never come back. “Promise me that we will work this out?” Tae tried to say with a smile, his voice sounded still broken, “I don’t want to lose you…but I don’t want to force you to leave your home just like this. I know you’ve been on the run a lot and I want you to be able to choose and…and If it means that I have to come here…every free weekend then so be it…because I love you.” He pushed a string of hair behind Jungkook’s ear, kissing the younger on his cheek, “I just want you to feel safe.”

Jungkook nodded quietly, not trusting his voice right now. He was so close to crying, but he tried his best not to, feeling strangely proud when he could finally talk again. He sounded soft and vulnerable but apart from that no one would know how much he was hurting. “It’s...it’s ok. Really. I don't want to be the one holding you back. You’re going to be... happier in the city. I know that. I understand.” He smiled, and it sliced through his heart to even think of what he had just said, Tae, in the city - without him. But Tae deserved happiness. It wasn't the humans fault that he had thought that “I love you” would mean “I will never leave you alone.”

Taehyung cupped Jungkook’s cheeks and pulled him in to kiss the younger deep and passionately, letting him feel the love he was feeling for the elf. “I’m going to come and get you…I won’t leave you behind,” Taehyung murmured, before he pulled back with a small, faint smile on his lips. “Do…do you still want to visit the fairies? I don’t want to leave you tonight…let me stay with you, please,” Tae wasn’t so sure if Jungkook not wanted to be alone right now, when all he wanted is to lay close to the other and kiss him all night, to make sure the younger would know how much he loved him.

Jungkook let the other pull him in for a kiss like a doll. He felt empty, hollow, too light for this. “No, we don't have to do that. We could just... go home.” He wanted to get home right away and close the door behind him as soon as possible. He wanted to shut the world out, the truth, the pain. But he also knew that Yoongi would sense immediately that something was wrong with him. That he was hurting. And that the reason was Taehyung. Jungkook just didn't wanted to tell Yoongi that he was right. Not because of pride but because it made it more... real. Right now, it could still be a possibility that this was just a bad dream, a nightmare. Yoongi’s reaction would make it more real.

Taehyung knew that he had ruined it. Another year. Another Christmas that he had ruined. He was about to throw his fist at some tree in anger, shaking from holding it back. He had tried to make it as perfect as possible for Jungkook, but only made it worse in the end. 

Tae was biting his lip repeatedly, just following Jungkook back to the bakery deep in his thoughts. Only when Jungkook unlocked the door and they stood in the storage room that the elf called his home, he spoke, not caring about getting out of his jacket or anything else. “I…I’m sorry I ruined your Christmas,” His voice was barely a whisper, “If…if you want me to go…”

“No!” Jungkook's hand found his arm immediately, holding onto him for dear life. “Please... please don’t leave me… now. Just... stay a little longer. Just a little. I promise I’ll let you go in the morning. Just don't leave me alone now when I don't even know when I will see you again.” He gently pulled Tae inside, closing the door behind them. Selfishly he wanted to spend as much time with his love as he could before Tae would leave him behind. He would try not to sleep tonight, ask Tae to hug him so that when the other would fall asleep he could stay awake and pretend that tomorrow wouldn’t come and that he could forever stay in Tae’s arms.

“O-okay,” Taehyung said, still feeling insecure about everything right now, but it didn’t keep him from making sure Jungkook would feel alright. Tae followed Jungkook towards the mattress, laying down right next to the elf. He let the younger cuddle into him, wrapping his arms closely around him to keep him tight against his body. “I wish I wouldn’t have to go,” Tae mumbled, closing his eyes to keep the tears from spilling and kissing the top of Jungkook’s head, “I’ll come back, I promise you. You own my heart,” He whispered these words into his skin, every kiss of his against Jungkook’s lips a promise to never let go of him. That he would come back and take the other home. Somewhere safe. Somewhere they would both could be happy if that is what Jungkook wanted. Somewhere where even Yoongi could live happily. That’s what he told him. Every promise sealed with a kiss and then Tae’s tears spilled over, but before Jungkook could see them, he just tightly pressed the younger against him.

This one sentence almost broke Jungkook’s composure to pieces. ‘You own my heart’... If only Tae knew that it was the other way around - and literally so. Jungkook wondered if he would still be able to feel it, to feel his pulse, his heartbeat - or if it would stop the minute Taehyung went out the door. He didn’t know what would be more cruel. And still, he didn’t regret it, falling for Tae. It had been beautiful while it had lasted, and for a blissful little while had he thought that he had found a home in someone’s else heart. That he would get back the same amount of love that he had  felt swelling inside of his chest. He just shouldn’t have hoped to keep it, he should have accepted that they were different, him and the human, instead of expecting Tae to love him back as unconditionally as he did.

Taehyung didn’t notice when he was falling asleep, his hold around Jungkook loosened a little, when he was dozing off – but still he never let go of the younger once.

The next morning came way too fast and Taehyung barely spoke a word. Everything just felt like it was falling apart and Jungkook was slipping out of his fingers. He was holding onto Jungkook’s hand tight the whole day, until he leaned against the door of his car, Jungkook in front of him, while his mother had already waved him goodbye, giving them some space.

“Please, think about it,” Taehyung spoke softly, “I want to be with you and if you…want to come, as soon as I figured it all out.” Tae had thought that maybe, if he offered Jungkook a life with him in the city, that maybe he could mend the younger one’s heart a little, make him seriously think about the option, but the human knew he had already broken his heart. And Tae wasn’t sure if Jungkook loved him enough to leave this all behind. Leaning his forehead against Jungkook’s, he sighed deeply, “I love you and I won’t ever stop loving you, only remember that…and that I will come and get you. And…and…if you get lonely, then just call me!” He pointed at the mobile phone Tae had given Jungkook a few minutes ago. It was an older one from his mother, since he knew the elf had never owned one. “It only has my number, so you can’t do anything wrong,” Tae said and looked at him with sad eyes.

Jungkook went through the whole day like an out-of-body experience. He didn’t know if it was the loss of sleep (he hadn’t slept all night) or the pain but he just felt like he was watching someone else being left behind. Not him. Maybe a movie or some soapy television series where the lovers were parting just to reunite happily ever after later. He was shivering when he watched the car drive by. Tae looked like he was sorry for him. He had been nice and caring and as kind as one could be in those last minutes of their time. He had kissed him and held him for as long as he could before getting into his car. When Tae had turned away from him everything in him had screamed to hold him back to cling to his body and beg him not to leave him behind, to not send him back to lonesomeness and an aching heart. But he didn‘t move a muscle, kept himself all under control. Just the tears came harder when the car door closed, and his chest felt like Tae had ripped something from it and had taken it with him.

Taehyung was gripping the steering wheel so tight, that his knuckles turned white, when he drove off from the scene. He didn’t feel the first tears that fell onto his cheeks, ignoring them as much as he could. But no matter how hard he tried, Tae couldn’t ignore the aching in his chest, the painful beat of his heart. Everything hurt and all he wanted was to turn around again – but unfortunately real life wasn’t so easy. He wiped over his cheek, concentrating back on the road. He would find a way to stay with Jungkook. Tae loved him. More than anything he ever loved in this world. He just needed some time to figure this all out and Jungkook couldn’t leave the fairies behind like this, right? He was arguing with himself, shaking his head and blinking his eyes to keep his focus on the highway.

Jungkook managed to say goodbye to Taehyung’s mum before he went home, skipping the fairies forest or any other place that he had frequented with Tae. He needed to get his mind off things quickly - and he had work to do anyway. So, going back to normal would be the best thing that he could do. He let himself into the bakery and got all the ingredients for cookies. He didn’t care that after Christmas there was no need for Christmas magic any longer. So close to new year the people would eat the Christmas sweets that they had bought or got gifted and then start to make new year's resolutions of losing weight or eating less sugar or working more and in each of those plans cookies weren’t included. But Jungkook didn’t care he needed something to do, something that would help him make this horrible feeling go away.

It was already late that day, when a buzzing sound of wings fluttering was audible in the bakery. Yoongi was looking everywhere, his lips pursed into a pout when he was flying right where Jungkook was still immersed in baking his (probably) hundredth baking tray of muffins.

“Hey, Jungkookie!” The fairy landed right on Jungkook’s pastry roller, so the younger couldn’t move further, “Merry Christmas to you, too! Where have you been?” He crossed his little arms in front of his chest, tapping one foot on the ground impatiently.

“I’m sorry, Yoongi. I was with Tae. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. You can have as much of my baking sugar as you want and we... we can... tell the fairies I’m going to play lots with them tomorrow, right after work.” He let go of the tool to make sure his tears wouldn’t get into the dough. He had been busy trying not to get his tears into his baking quite a lot those last few hours. They just didn’t seem to stop. It made work a little harder, actually.

Yoongi noticed there was something wrong right away. He knew Jungkook too well. He was his baby. He was only five years old after all (at least in Yoongi’s mind). The fairy flew up and around the younger, who tried desperately to hide himself from his friend. “What happened? Jungkook?” Yoongi asked, his voice sounding soft, while he was starting to worry, “Did…something happen? Did someone hurt you? I’ll kick their butt!” He kicked the air to demonstrate how he would do it, hoping it would make the younger laugh. But it didn’t. So only one -poof- later he was human sized, reaching out for Jungkook’s arm, to look at him with concern.

When he turned the younger around his face was full of tears and there was a look in the elf’s eyes that was so full of desperation and pain that he knew right away who was the cause of this. Only one person besides him was close enough to Jungkook to hurt him that deeply. “It’s Tae, right?” Jungkook nodded not trusting his voice as the constant choking he felt must have taken its toll on it and he didn’t want to croak out some weak excuse. “Did he leave you?” Jungkook couldn’t breathe so much did it hurt to hear it out loud. He didn’t answer but his face seemed answer enough because Yoongi sighed deeply. Of course, it was the human. He knew it, right from the start. There was no way that they could handle someone as precious as Jungkook. Tae had been good though with keeping up the facade. He almost had fooled him too. With the way he had helped the fairies and made Jungkook so utterly happy Yoongi had started to trust him despite better knowledge. And where did it lead? To a little elf, crying silently in his kitchen in the middle of the night.

Instead of scolding him he started to talk, softly, gently, like talking to a child. “It won’t be like this forever Kookie. He doesn’t deserve you if he...”

“It’s alright,” The elf interrupted him hoarsely, not able to take the soft spoken words. They hit harder than if Yoongi would have yelled at him because it showed what he already knew, that he was weak for trusting, naive for believing that despite their obvious differences they could have been…something. More than just temporary lovers who were sharing some fleeting intimacy.

“You don’t have to cheer me up. I’m fine, really, you were right and I... I was stupid for ... for believing...” He swallowed down his next words and added, calmer, “You were right. That’s it. There’s nothing more to say.”

Yoongi didn’t seem convinced and also didn’t top talking even though it was what Jungkook had been hoping for. He was trying so hard to hold himself together, he didn’t know how long he would be able to keep that up if Yoongi kept him reminding that he was all alone now.

“I wish it wasn’t...,” He made a pause, the silence hanging heavy between them. “Don’t be too harsh on yourself, Kook. We all need to make our own mistakes to really find our way. And it’s on your nature to trust and to love easily. You’re a kind, compassionate being. I know that you think you won’t ever love someone else again, but you can and you will and then...”

“No, I can’t.” Jungkook’s smile was utterly sad, the suppressed sobs tightening his chest further and threatening to spill over his lips. Yoongi furrowed his brows. “Of course, you can, you just need a little while and then...”

“No, I can’t.” The sobs finally broke their way out of him and Yoongi froze.

“But…Oh!” There was horror in his eyes when it finally dawned on him. “Oh no, Kook... Kookie why would you do that? Why would you let him?” The pity on Yoongi’s face was what finally broke him down. Jungkook fell on his knees, curling up and tightening his hands (still dirty with dough) in his own clothes. “I’m sorry, I... I don’t know why, I just loved him so much and ... Yoongi, it hurts. Why does it hurt so bad?” It said a lot about how much of a mess he was when Yoongi just wordlessly pulled him close,

Yoongi who normally made jokes about skin ship and refused to sleep in the same bed as Jungkook whenever he stayed over at night. He held onto him with shaking fingers. The silent tears had turned into ugly sobs and it pained the fairy to imagine how Jungkook must be feeling. He was so sensitive. Why on earth did he have to fall in love with a human? Yoongi gently rocked him, back and forth, like a child, holding him, shushing him with soft words and meaningless phrases, because there was nothing else he could do. He couldn’t even tell him that it would get better someday. Because it wouldn’t. Jungkook had given his heart fully to Taehyung. He would be longing for him the rest of his long, miserable life.

A/N: Argrhgfhfgh my poor baby Kookie ;; What do you think? Will Tae come around again? Will Yoongi kick his ass? Or maybe Jungkook starts looking for him? Who knows...well, we do! Only one more chapter to go! Don’t forget to leave a comment or send us a message! Thank you for reading!

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[elliot-orion]

What the Fuck are the DHU Religions Again?

Hi yes, guess who forgot they were supposed to be doing DHU world building posts yep that’s right it’s meee... im tired yall its been a chaotic few days. anyways, here’s part... 4 i think of the 6 planned parts. You can read the last one, on the Elements, here, and the other two are linked in that post so get to them that way bc im fucking lazy. I’m so great at this blog thing, aren’t i? Anyways... 

When screwing myself over massively with creating the Dark Heart Universe, I realized that, hey, if the Dark Heart (DH from here on out) is a semi-god thing, then they probably believe in that as a religion, and not a traditional monotheistic God like in our world, and also, if we had a bunch of people with cool powers show up in old times here, we’d probably think “you know, those look a lot like gods to me.” So i had to make new religions. Fun... The most traditional religion in the DHU is just the Religion of Hearts bc i’m bad at naming things. It’s pretty chill, they celebrate the four main DH holidays with a few extras for fun, and is basically the equivalent of  most traditional monotheistic religions. They worship at Temples, but the Temples are more community centers than anything else because they don’t do mass like churches do. People usually have home altars to pray at, because they consider the relationship with the DH to be personal, not a group thing.

(this got long again, more under cut)

 There are other religions, some more extreme than others, like the Old Hearts and Lost Birds, but some are more hippie and liberal like the Lovers. Don’t worry about them, those are just name drops basically to make it seem like i know stuff about the world and don’t matter much because i have no characters who follow them (yet). There are also Supers Religions (as opposed to the Dark Heart Religions like all the previously mentioned ones) which are considered in the same way as pagan religions. They essentially still worship the old gods, saints, whatever they call them, because in certain areas that were far from Hot Spots, it took people a while to figure out that the Dark Heart was a Thing. Away from Hot Spots, Supers appear more rarely, so they were seen as a bigger deal and worshiped, and some people in some areas still, to this day, continue to worship those old gods/saints. Plus some people not in those areas do too, even though most people laugh and say that those are just Supers and they are being silly exalting normal people. I do have a few characters in this religion because i’m pagan and screw you. :) 

In general, religion in the DHU isn’t taken super seriously because it is proven that the DH is real, and you get “miraculous” things all the time with Supers, so it’s got a lot less power than if someone in our world could summon fire. you feel me? Those who do follow a religion usually take it very casually, or very seriously, though both ends of the spectrum usually keep at least a small altar in the house. Altars can be anything from massive things with tons of shit on them, to just a shelf in a closet or something, but they are there, and people will put photos of loved ones on the altars to signify that they have joined the DH. But for a lot of people, that’s all they will do, as well as possibly celebrate the four holidays.

As for said holidays, most non-religious holidays still exist because, again, i’m lazy. so like, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Independence days, those are still a Thing. Holidays based on cultural traditions, like Dia de los Muertos i’m still hesitant to say anything on because i don’t know enough about them. Stick a pin in it basically. In addition, there are religious holidays, that fall on solstices/equinoxes. These are  Day of Powers, Day of Gifts, Day of Beginnings, and Day of Praise. The traditions for these days are all different than traditional holidays now, but it’d take a while to get into the traditions of each so I’m going to hold off. If you want a post on these holidays, let me know, otherwise, I won’t make one because if they show up in the books/stories, you’ll see the traditions all then. There are other holidays that certain religions celebrate (like the Lovers celebrate a ton of different ones, the Hearts celebrate only 4 others) but those are the primary ones. 

I think that’s all I’ve got for the religions though! Hopefully, the next worldbuilding post comes out a bit more promptly, we’ve only got a couple left after all! Up next we’ve got a big post about the Supers Association (in America, obviously other countries have their own versions, but most stories in the world will take place in the US because i live there and i’m LAZY we’ve established this okay). If you thought the Elements post was angsty, get ready for that one. After is a quick post about the various major (ish) stories planned in the DHU, and that’ll be it, unless I get requests for more! Whoo!! If you do have requests for more, get them in now so i don’t, you know, forget entirely.

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[doomedandstoned]

THE ROADBURN DIARIES

~By Willem Verhappen~

Photographs by Sally Townsend

Preface

When Billy asked me to review Roadburn Festival 2019 for Doomed & Stoned, I was a bit hesitant. Live reviews have never been my specialty and I prefer to enjoy shows instead of being critical. However, when he suggested a diary-style review, I got the idea to do just that; write a diary.

I went all out and paid a whopping two Euros and some change to buy a notebook. After four days of Roadburn, it will probably be as wrecked as I expect to be, but hopefully it will still be readable. [In hindsight it was money well spent, as the notebook survived Roadburn without too much damage.] Whether its pages will be literary gold or the drunken ravings of a madman, only time will tell. The truth will probably be somewhere in the middle. [The fact that I had not been feeling well all week and decided to drive to Tilburg by car each day probably helped me not fucking this up, though.]

Day 1

14:30 -- Ticket booth

The sun is out, Crypt Trip's Haze County was blasting through my car speakers on the way here and the queue to get my wristband went smooth. That's about as good a start as it can get. Sadly, my first dilemma of the day is already coming up: See Myrkur perform her Folkesange set or Bismuth. For now I'll just sit and wait in the sun for my friends T and S to arrive.

Tanya Byrne of Bismuth

16:30 -- Studio Tilburg

We compromised. We started Roadburn with Bismuth engulfing us in the epic 'The Slow Dying Of The Great Barrier Reef' in the Hall of Fame. Sadly the band had some technical issues which fucked up the dynamics in the beginning, but otherwise it was an intense experience.

before the end of the Bismuth set, we moved on to the main stage. On the way there, we ran into some friends who decided to join us to see Myrkur. The Scandinavian folk songs were moving and well performed, but not what we needed, so we set our sights for Vile Creature, who were preparing to destroy the Patronaat.

Vic of Vile Creature

Arriving outside, we noticed that we weren't the only ones. The queue to the Patronaat was leading pretty much up to the Cul de Sac. Since the weather was still nice, we decided to go for a beer in the sun instead.

19:05 -- Veemarktstraat

Molasses was something I had been looking forward to, since it was for a large part a The Devil's Blood reunion. Their set was in general an honest and loving tribute to TDB leader Selim Lemouchi. At some points though, the band seemed possessed by Selim himself. I desperately hope they will release this as a live record. [Later, at the merch I discovered that the band had already recorded an EP. That satisfies me for now, but I still need a live record!]

Farida Lemouchi of Molasses

After that intense show, it was time to get some food. I decided to go for some Vietnamese street food. A good choice, but I should have been more careful with the sambal. I love that stuff, but a full bite at once was a bit much.

19:30 -- Green Room balcony

Luckily, I was just in time to hear the last, hauntingly beautiful song of Lingua Ignota. I had a hard time getting in and when I managed to get in, I couldn't get closer than the back of the balcony. Only when the show was over, I could see that she sat behind her keyboard in the middle of the Green Room. An eccentric choice that befits the woman.

Kristen Hayter of Lingua Ignota

21:20 -- Ladybird Skatepark

Emma Ruth Rundle was more Doomed & Stoned appropriate than I expected. Last time she did a solo show, but this time she brought her full band. Her songs were sometimes dark and doomy, sometimes rocking, but always unique.

Emma Ruth Rundle

But the best kept secret of today are certainly the heavy psych astronauts of Mythic Sunship. Even though it's not crowded, they know how to throw a party on a skatepark. [Mythic Sunship was the first band to be programmed on the Skatepark, but during the weekend more bands were scheduled to perform on this special location. More on that later.]

22:45 -- Koepelhal

I'm not sure why a band like Midnight is performing at Roadburn, since it's pretty much the odd one out this year, but I'm not complaining. I really enjoyed their filthy, sexually laden mix of Venom and Motörhead sleaze. And judging from the large crowd that gathered in the Koepelhal, I wasn't the only one.

00:40 -- Main Stage

Post rock is a hit or miss for me, but the combination of guitars and classical instruments often brings a smile to my face. The latter convinced me to watch MONO perform their Hymn to the Immortal Wind record, supported by the Jo Quail Quartet. I'm happy I did this, since the show was pure aural bliss. Rarely have I heard such a natural mix of metallic guitars and classical instruments. Although it certainly wasn't boring, the floating melodies did make me a bit sleepy.

2:xx -- Eindhoven

I guess I went full circle today. I started with Crypt Trip and ended with them as well. After MONO, these Texan rockers were exactly what I needed. Their country infused hard rock really got my energy levels back to par. Then again, anyone who can stand still during a Crypt Trip show, must be dead. It was also very nice to see my Doomed & Stoned colleague Calvin again. Roadburn is off to a good start.

Day 2

15:25 -- 013

T, S and I started our second day at Roadburn queuing up for Gold. I lost sight of the Dutch band after being disappointed by their second record, when they traded in their occult rock for a more post rock sound. Today, however, I was not disappointed at all. Their pounding post black/punk/rock really grabbed me by the balls. Charismatic frontwoman Milena Eva and her accomplices are back on my radar.

I'm currently enjoying one of the three sets of Seven That Spells. Between all the avant garde stuff, it's nice to see some proper heavy psych/stoner rock. Very well executed!

Milena Eva of Gold

17:00 -- Ladybird Skatepark

Between all the good stuff, Triptykon was my most anticipated concert of the festival. As I said, I'm a sucker for metal mixed with classical music, so I wouldn't want to miss the Swiss band performing with the renowned Metropole Orkest, the world's leading pop orchestra. Today they are playing something heavier, namely the requiem penned by Tom G. Warrior. The first and third parts date back to the Celtic Frost days, namely Into The Pandemonium (1987) and Monotheist (2006). The piece never had a middle section, until now.

Tom Gabriel Warrior and Vanja Slajh of Triptykon

The show wasn't perfect. There were some flaws here and there and at certain moments it felt like the orchestra was overtaking the band. Altogether it was an impressive performance, but somewhere I feel like there could have been more. Still a highlight, though.

I'm currently enjoying some surprise sludgy goodness of Vile Creature, while the queue for the Hall of Fame is reaching new lengths while A.A.Williams is performing there as part of the Holy Roar x Roadburn showcase.

19:55 -- Studio Tilburg

After getting my eardrums destroyed by Vile Creature, it was time for a beer with friends. Consequently, that meant I missed Conjurer, but I did manage to see the last half hour of Anna Von Hausswolff on the main stage. On record I find her music very calming, but live the tiny lady and her band deliver a massive tidal wave of sound. 'The Mysterious Vanishing of Electra' was even more impressive than on record.

22:20 - Koepelhal

After enjoying watching Calvin struggle with a massive burger from the Studio café and between the neck snapping sets of Svalbard and Pijn (both part of the Holy Roar showcase), I conquered my first queue at the Koepelhal. This was for the collaboration between artist in residence Thou and Emma Ruth Rundle. It was well worth the effort. This noisy matrimony sounded exactly as you'd expect from the two factors.

Bryan Funck of Thou

3:xx -- Eindhoven

After Pijn's set, it was straight off to the Patronaat to grab a good spot for another show I highly anticipated. That turned out to be a good decision, since I heard afterwards that the queue for Messa turned out to be huge.

My love for these Italians stems from their ability to make old school doom sound fresh again. The band manages this through the incorporations of jazz elements, as well as sporadic black metal outbursts. Today, the band brought along a saxophone player, which truly added an extra dimension to their music.

Day 3

17:20 -- 013

Today we started off with Have A Nice Life. The new wave was enjoyable, but we had other priorities, for Wolvennest was about to perform their latest effort, Void, in its entirety. The Belgian band went all out for this show, bringing several guest musicians, as well as brand new visuals. Musically, Wolvennest definitely made a step up from their debut, WLVNNST. Their black metal with psychedelic and doom influences pleased the many people who came to witness this ritual. The only negative comment one could have, is that the altar looked very small on the large main stage.

Henrik Palm is no stranger to most Roadburners. The Swede used to be a member of In Solitude and Ghost. You can clearly hear this in his solo work, but his eclectic rockers always feel unique. I remain with only one question. Why the early Judas Priest videos?

19:20 -- Ladybird Skatepark

I'm not much of a fan of most of the bands from the Exile on Mainstream roster, but Treedeon I had to see. These Germans make for some noisy, primitive doom, which is right up my alley. There are some clear Conan vibes here, but the double vocals make it just a tad more brutal.

23:15 -- Koepelhal

I always enjoy good times with good people, so I was happy to join a small Doomed & Stoned meetup with Calvin and Sally [whose photos add some color to this article]. Contrary to my instincts, I left my friends behind to make it in time for what is probably the highlight of this year’s Roadburn. Coming near the 013 was like walking into a coffee shop (the Dutch kind), with the smell of weed greeting you from far away. Not surprising, since it wouldn't be long before the almighty Sleep would perform their classic record Holy Mountain in one go. When I arrived, some 20 odd minutes before the show, the hall was already crowded, with people queuing up, not more than five minutes later.

It was quite the magical experience to hear one of my all-time favorite records being performed live. The first notes of 'Dragonaut' already gave me goosebumps and headbanging became a priority for nearly two hours. Sleep performing 'The Clarity' and a part of 'Dopesmoker' surely was an extra treat.

Al Cisneros of Sleep

4:xx -- Eindhoven

Doolhof was a typical case of the right band at wrong time. The drone outfit, with Aaron Turner of Old Man Gloom and Sumac fame in its ranks, sounded highly intense and mesmerizing, but after Sleep, I was looking for something more energetic.

Luckily, I received a push message after the Sleep show, saying that Thou would perform a special set at the Skatepark. There had been rumours that the band would perform a set of Misfits covers somewhere during the weekend and this was it. A couple hundred people had shown up and the band was going through classics like 'Die, Die My Darling' and 'Hybrid Moments' like the audience was going through beers.

This set was absolute mayhem with the crowd moving as one mass and there was pretty much constant crowd surfing. The band was joined by Emma Ruth Rundle on a couple of songs, and for their final song, 'Last Caress', they were joined by Converge/Old Man Gloom's Nate Newton and Gilead Media chief Adam Bartlett. The former even went stage diving. If anyone was doubting why Thou is the artist in residence this year, they get it now.

Recharged by the insane show I had just witnessed, it was time for some after-partying in the basement of the 013 until the lights came on.

Day 4

Up until a few years ago the Roadburn Sunday was more of an after party, or Afterburner as it was called, but in recent years it changed into a full day. This year, all stages but the Koepelhal have bands playing, but thankfully my schedule is far less busy than the previous days.

17:30 - Main Stage

The intensity of three days of Roadburn appears to have had an effect not only on me, but on most of the visitors. That's why T and I decided to take it easy. This meant we missed Lucy in Blue because we arrived in Tilburg at 3pm. Since for the first time this weekend, temperatures reached comfortable levels, we decided to enjoy the sun a little before diving into another day of musical adventure.

my first band of the day was Supersonic Blues, a last minute addition to the program. The young band from The Hague had the honor to play the now infamous Ladybird Skatepark. Their heavy blues rock wasn't that special, but it surely was a welcome energizer for the rest of the day.

The first highlight of the day was TankZilla, a newcomer from my hometown Eindhoven, who got to warm up the Hall of Fame. Even though this was their second gig ever, the two members are anything but new to the scene. Singer/guitar player Peter van Elderen has enjoyed success for over twenty years with Peter Pan Speedrock, but also has more stoner credits with bands like Repomen and Four Headed Dog and drummer Marcin Hurkmans is known for his work with rockers Wolfskop. Although there's just two guys on stage, they manage to produce some fat-sounding stoner rock with the signature riffs and lyrics of van Elderen. Today saw the release of their first 7", but this show leaves me hungry for more!

20:45 -- 013 Lobby

With an hour to kill, I decided to walk to the 013 to check out a few songs from today's Thou set. Even though it was their fourth set this weekend, the main stage was packed with people wanting to see the artist in residence one more time. And rightfully so. Even after four days of playing, the last time being only 16 hours before, the band played another energetic set of nasty doom.

Mitch Wells of Thou

This made it somewhat difficult for me to leave early, but I had been looking forward to my second chance of seeing Bismuth ever since it was announced this morning. The Skatepark has become my favorite venue and the acoustics are perfect for the intensity of "The Slow Dying of the Great Barrier Reef". This time not troubled by technical difficulties, the UK duo's perfect performance of 'The Slow Dying of the Great Barrier Reef' is one of my absolute highlights of the festival.

Fuel is important on days like these, so I decided to skip the beginning of Old Man Gloom to grab a delicious pancake filled with spinach and goats cheese, walnuts and honey. By the time I reach the crowded main stage, the OMG set is almost over, but judging from the enthusiastic crowd, the New Mexico sludge machine managed to deliver.

Aaron Turner of Old Man Gloom

2:xx -- Eindhoven

Roadburn is over, but not before we were treated to another two-hour set of Sleep. This time the sonic titans performed their most recent effort, The Sciences, in its entirety, with the addition of "Leagues Beneath", "Dragonaut" and another section of "Dopesmoker". Sadly, the band was troubled by technical difficulties, to the great annoyance of Matt Pike, who even had to switch amps mid-set. This prevented the show from being the legendary event it could have been.

Matt Pike of Sleep

After Sleep, the time had come to slowly start Brexiting (saying you are leaving, but staying as long as you can).Saying goodbye to friends, both old and new, is always difficult, but it was fun to hear all the great stories everyone lived this weekend and see the joy in everyone's tired eyes. And just like Great Britain, we stayed until we were kicked out, leaving Tilburg behind with many new memories.

☀

[skepticraven]

15 Reasons Not To Be a Christian

It's sad that this has to be said but it does because unfortunately, too many people take disagreement as hostility. At least if its an atheist who is doing the disagreement. I do not hate Christians. I don’t think they are all bad people. I harbor no ill will towards them. I just happen to think they are wrong. I get asked why I’m not a Christian a lot so I thought I’d answer the question. I could probably write a small novel on this but this seems like a good start for now. 

1) The concept of Christianity is entirely based on the Bible. We have no original manuscript for it so you have no idea what it said originally. The oldest version we have of the Bible isn’t even in the language that would have been spoken in that part of the middle east and in that time period. 

2) The Bible was supposedly written by a lot of carpenters, shepherds, farmers, fishermen, and similar types of professions. Such people would have been totally illiterate during that time period.

3) Based on the date that the original Bible was supposedly written, the Book spent over a 1000 years being copied, translated, and intentionally altered by hand until the printing press came about in the mid-1400's. You couldn't copy it once without making some error accidentally and it was handled entirely by powerful men with plenty of reason to alter it for personal gain. Churchgoers were often illiterate until the past couple hundred years and mass was given in Latin on top of it back then. So most people would be none the wiser if something had been altered. In fact, we know for sure the Bible has been intentionally altered numerous times. There are literally hundreds of versions of the Bible just in English and thousands of sects of Christianity. 50+ Books were either left out of the Bible or later excluded (some were excluded by Martin Luther and some by Pope Clement VIII). If Christians can’t even get their story straight, why in the hell should I believe it? 

4) The Bible plagiarized stories from numerous pre-existing religions: both monotheistic and polytheistic. For example, the Persian scriptures of the Zoroastrians tell the story of how their god created the world and the first 2 humans in 6 days and then rested on the 7th. The names of these two human beings. Sound familiar? The Zoroastrians also invented the concept of heaven and hell and their art portrays the prophet Zarathustra as being surrounded by the same halo of light in which Christian figures are often depicted. Zarathustra even looks like Jesus before they white-washed Jesus. Chapter 125 of the Egyptian Book of the Dead is the same as the 10 commandments only written in negative confession. The story of the great flood was stolen from The Epic of Gilgamesh- right down to using birds to find dry land and the fact that the boat landed on a mountain.

5) I find it morally contemptible that the Biblically conceived God supposedly gives you enough free will to hang yourself with so that is not really free at all. Love him or burn forever? They'd call that abuse if he were human. And if Christianity is so true, why must they drill it into the heads of children before they have the capacity for critical thought? Its easier to get people to accept extraordinary claims as children. That's just brainwashing 101.

6) I find it morally contemptible that the Biblically conceived God supposedly committed an act of genocide against all firstborn Egyptian sons because he was mad at one guy (the Pharaoh). The whole point of the Pharaoh is that he alone controlled Egypt and why could this God character have not just unilaterally eliminated him with a bolt of lightning? Instead, Christians believe he murdered a bunch of random people and children who had nothing to do with the decision to keep or free the Jews. But then again, Christians also believe this God murdered the entire fucking world in a flood because our "free" will became a pain in the ass. Not just people but also animals. I guess those giraffes were really acting up!

7) The Bible has dozens of current versions and resulted in hundreds of sects of Christianity with wildly varying beliefs. So if they can't agree on what it says, why should anyone else believe it?

8) Most Christians believe in the Christian god because they were born in a country where Christianity is the dominant religion. Most people in India are Hindu because they were born into it too. And the same with Muslims in Iraq. And so on and so forth. If there was any divine truth to Christianity over any other faith, why don’t we see more conversion? Why aren’t non-Christians flocking in? Because it sounds absurd to anyone who hasn’t had this stuff drilled into their heads for their entire life.

9)If you read the Bible, there is actually some pretty sick shit in it besides just the aforementioned genocide. The whole idea of the Bible is that it is supposed to be the divinely inspired word of god. I don’t know why God couldn’t just write his own book but supposedly he told his prophets what he wanted to be written. So if that is true, God is not an entity deserving of my praise or respect. Here are examples of this contemptible god character condoning sexual slavery:   In Numbers 31:17-18, Moses commands his people to kill the men, the children, and any women who aren't virgins. Then tells his people that they may KEEP any woman or girl who is a virgin for themselves. Then in, (Deuteronomy 21:10-14) Moses spells out a ritual to purify a captive virgin before sex. Then in (Leviticus 19:20-22), The Bible tells you that if you bang a slave while engaged to another woman, that you must beat the slave girl and sacrifice a sheep.

10) Either the Bible is bullshit or god sanctions sexism repeatedly. For example: 1 Timothy 2:12, "I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, she must be silent." 1 Corinthians 14:34-35: “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law.” Colossians 3:18: "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord." Deuteronomy 22:20-21 "If however the charge is true and no proof of the girl’s virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her father’s house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death…” Leviticus 15:19-30 I’m paraphrasing here but it basically says, menstruating women are unclean. Anyone or anything that touches she is unclean.

11) This God character in the Bible also sanctions physical slavery many, many times, not just sexual slavery. Here are a few examples: Ephesians 6:5, "Slaves obey your earthly masters with deep fear and respect." Colossians 3:22: "Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything you do. Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. Serve them sincerely because of your reverent fear of the Lord."

12) Either the Bible is bullshit or the God character in the Bible sanctions murder many, many times.:   (Numbers 16:41-49) In this verse, the Israelites complain that God is killing too many of them. So, God sends a plague that kills 14,000 more of them. (Deuteronomy 17:12) says to kill people who don't listen to priests (Exodus 22:17) Kill witches. (Leviticus 20:13)Kill gays. (Leviticus 20:27) Kill Fortunetellers. (Exodus 21:15) Kill someone who hit a parent. (Proverbs 20:20) and (Leviticus 20:9) Kill people for cursing their parents. (Leviticus 20:10) Kill adulterers (Leviticus 21:9) Kill a priest’s daughter who has sex. (Exodus 22:19) & (Numbers 25:1-9) Kill people of other religions. (2 Chronicles 15:12-13) Kill Nonbelievers (Deuteronomy 13:13-19) Kill the Entire Town if One Person Worships Another God (Deuteronomy 22:20-21) Kill Women Who Are Not Virgins On Their Wedding Night (Leviticus 24:10-16) Kill Blasphemers (Exodus 31:12-15) Kill people who work on the Sabbath (Isaiah 14:21) & (Leviticus 26:21-22) Kill the children of Sinners That’s not even a complete list and it leaves essentially no one alive.

13) God is supposed to be this big divine being who created an entire universe full of billions upon billions of planets and stars. And yet the Bible claims he cares an awful lot about incredibly petty, stupid human things. Here are a few of his downright stupid rules. Don't get a tattoo or a piercing. (Leviticus 19:28) Don't eat Shellfish. (Leviticus 11:10) Don't cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard. (Leviticus 19:27) Don't get divorced. (Luke 16:18) Don't wear cloth of blended fabrics. (Leviticus 19:19) Don't eat pork. (Leviticus 11:8) Don't work on Sundays. (31:14-15) Don't have pre-marital sex. (Deuteronomy 22: 20-21) 

14) The Bible contradicts itself all over the place. If the Bible doesn't have any consistency, why would anyone believe it? Again, there are way more examples than I can list here. STATEMENT 1: Genesis 1:26-27 Adam and Eve were created at the same time. CONTRADICTION 1: Genesis 2:7 and 2:21-22 Adam was created first, woman sometime later. STATEMENT 2: Genesis 1:24-27 Animals were created before Adam. CONTRADICTION 2: Genesis 2:7 and 2:19 Animals were created after Adam. STATEMENT 3: Genesis 1:31 God was pleased with his creation. CONTRADICTION 3: Genesis 6:5-6 God was not pleased with his creation. STATEMENT 4: Exodus 20:13 "Thou shalt not kill." CONTRADICTION 4: Look back at #12. I listed a bunch of people the Bible says to kill STATEMENT 5: Genesis 6:19 "And of every living thing of all flesh, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the ark." CONTRADICTION 5: Genesis 7:2 "Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens: and of beasts that are not clean by two.

15) There is simply is no evidence for any god, much less the Christian god.  In fact, there is some scientific evidence that debunks biblical stories. Here are a few examples. Darwinian evolution debunks the idea that animals or people were created as they are today. We have archeological evidence of human beings existing long before humans were supposedly created according to the Bible. There is no geologic evidence of a worldwide flood. And even in theory, how did kangaroos get to this ark from Australia? Fly? Millions of species couldn’t have gotten to the ark if they tried. There are an estimated 6.5 million land animal species. That's just land animals. If all this flood water was salt water, it would have killed all the freshwater animals (or vice versa) so Noah would have had to include either all saltwater or all freshwater animals as well. And some species need shallow water to survive so that becomes a problem with a flood that reached the tops of mountains. There is no fucking way all those animals fit on any boat, much less one with the dimensions described in the Bible. Besides, there just is not enough water around to account for the water levels rising above the highest mountaintop. Then Noah supposedly lived to be 950? lol. Come on. People had significantly shorter lifespans in ancient times than they do today for obvious reasons. Only 0.0173% of Americans live to be 100 with the benefits of modern medicine and sanitation. 

Conclusion: I reject Christianity because it does not make sense to me. It's not a phase. It's not teenage rebellion that has stretched into adulthood. It’s definitely not devil worship since I don’t believe in him either. This is just the conclusion I came to after careful contemplation. Nothing more. Nothing less. Hopefully, this was food for thought for someone. As always, I appreciate feedback and thanks for reading!

[quranreadalong]

SPECIAL BONUS SECTION: MOSES’ EXCELLENT ADVENTURE, PART 2

Now back to the exile. Jerusalem is literally a pile of rubble and thousands of Jews have been taken miserably into Babylon. The issue with any sort of religion with a patron god is that the god’s power relies on his cult center. Without Jerusalem and its temple, the Jewish religion was lost. The Jews of the ruling class, now exiled, were forced to confront an enormous shift in their worldview and the very structure of their religion. At least it produced some bangin’ Biblical angsty poetry.

The sudden societal collapse naturally caused the exiled Jews to seek some meaning in the brutality they had experienced for no real reason. As they were people living in ancient times, the obvious explanation was that their god had abandoned them because they’d upset him (by worshiping other gods). This is why you have verses in the Bible making sense of the catastrophe like this:

Thus saith the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel; Ye have seen all the evil that I have brought upon Jerusalem, and upon all the cities of Judah; and, behold, this day they are a desolation, and no man dwelleth therein, Because of their wickedness which they have committed to provoke me to anger, in that they went to burn incense, and to serve other gods, whom they knew not, neither they, ye, nor your fathers.

And so the narrative had a clear moral message for its endpoint: Jerusalem had been destroyed because its people had forsaken Yahweh. The exile was a punishment. Rather than stew in misery, the Jews then set about creating a history leading up to this point, describing the rise and fall of themselves as a people, starting at the beginning of humanity itself. This work would replace the temple as the central part of the Jewish faith--something that the Jews could cling to no matter where they were. The first five books of the Bible, the Pentateuch, arranged if not written in this period, are meant to be a history. One that would form the cornerstone of a Jewish Religion 2.0, a better, more monotheistic, more unified belief system.

One thing to keep in mind is that this flurry of activity to shape Judaism into a cohesive, codified, monotheistic religion occurred both during the exile and after it. So the actual endpoint of the story, completed after the exiles returned to Jerusalem, was returning to Yahweh’s favor. (In fact many scholars believe that the final version of the current Torah wasn’t completed until the first century BC, though the vast majority of it was kept the same). But they still had to link the whole narrative together into a cohesive whole. I’ll talk more about that process tomorrow in a terribly dry post but for now we’re gonna talk about the situation of the Jews themselves!

The exile lasted quite a long time, but it wasn’t an eternity. Two or three generations of Jews had been born in exile, but there were still exilic Jews around who had been born in Jerusalem. And they weren’t all kept as slaves or anything; many of them lived quite normal lives... just in an unhappy exile. So there was time to do things like, uhh write lots of religious stories and make a monotheistic religion I guess, they didn’t have the internet then so they couldn’t just develop crippling depression and do nothing all day, you see. They wrote a lot of stuff, but they didn’t finish all their work during the exile. Because the exile ended.

See, the Neo-Babylonians peaked early. The empire was running into religious problems by the 550s BC, with the people of Babylon feeling as though their ruler was neglecting their patron god Marduk. Making matters worse, the king at the time was Nabonidus, who may have had an Assyrian background oddly enough (basically nothing is known of how he came to overthrow his predecessor, a Babylonian prince by blood, or even who he was; his mother is named but not his father). Weirdly little is known about the guy but the surviving records say that his own people greatly disliked him and thought he was a shitty king because he was too busy being an archaeologist to rule (really). He was so unpopular that the people of Babylon were beginning to warm to Nabonidus’ arch rival, Cyrus of Persia, helped along by a very strong Persian propaganda campaign. It seems as though when Cyrus inevitably moved to conquer the city of Babylon, there was little resistance. Babylon then became a part of the Persian Achaemenid Empire, as did its former territories, including Judah. And here is where our friends’ fortunes changed.

Cyrus, you see, believed himself to be Great, and has gone down in history as such (largely thanks to the Jews we’ve been talking about). An avid follower of Zoroastrianism, he believed that it was his destiny to conquer as much of the world as possible in order to defend it from the forces of evil in some world-ending event. To accomplish this as efficiently as possible, he combined outright conquest with a policy of making friends and winning hearts and minds, as seen in Babylon. He observed the fact that the former ruling class of Judah was just sort of sitting there in Babylon waiting for someone to send them home, and thought hey, if I send these people back and rebuild their temple they’ll really like me! And so he allowed the exilic Jews to return to Jerusalem and rebuild the temple there in 539 BC, which immortalized him in the Bible. Of all the foreign empires mentioned by the Torah, the Persians are presented in by far the most positive light, never declared evil and rarely even criticized. This is probably due to some combination of genuine gratitude... and also the fact that Judah was now a client state of the Achaemenids, and sought to maintain favor with them. The Book of Ezra states:

Thus saith Cyrus king of Persia: All the kingdoms of the earth hath the LORD, the God of heaven, given me; and He hath charged me to build Him a house in Jerusalem, which is in Judah.

And so many of the Jews who had been taken into exile, along with their children and grandchildren, returned to rebuild Jerusalem. As the former upper-class, they were given favored status by the Persians and again treated as the rulers of the Jews. Upon returning home, the exilic Jews began refashioning Jewish society to fit the mold they had created in Babylon, and over time Judaism would come to resemble the religion we know, an exclusively monotheistic religion with a sacred text (which was still being compiled at the time) and clear mythological eras, beginning with the well-known story of Adam. The lower-class people who had never left Judah in the first place would be told to just get used to it; as the centuries went by, those few who resisted would essentially be reduced to nothing or else cast out of the religion.

The work on the Torah continued apace, but for our purposes, the story is really about Moses and where he came from in all this mess. The questions that no one can really answer but are worth looking at anyway: where does the story of Moses fit into all this? Or rather, more accurately, what was the origin of the stories that became Exodus, which were glued together into one linear narrative? Who was Moses to the Jews before the exile, and how did his story change afterwards? Given the lack of actual written records, can we even guess as to what the predecessor texts of the first five books of the Bible looked like? If not, can we at least identify later additions to them?

All this and more deeply confusing Biblical textual history--tomorrow!!

⇚ previous day | next day ⇛

[automatismoateo]

I'm Muhammad, Servant of Allah. Here is my story. via /r/atheism

Submitted August 20, 2021 at 04:36AM by Phoney9 (Via reddit https://ift.tt/3mhhppG) I'm Muhammad, Servant of Allah. Here is my story.

Hello,

My name is Muhammad (32M). I grew up as a Sunni Muslim believing in Allah and His Messenger, Muhammad for the last 31 years of my life. Growing up, I went to the mosque with my father who is a devout Sunni, I studied the Quran and Hadith and learned to read Arabic. I prayed regularly, not 5 times a day but close to it. Certain times I would stray off course and miss a month or two of prayers. I fasted, I gave zakat, I slaughtered goats and cows for Allah, ate halal food, avoid sins as defined by Allah, I read over 10k+ hadith, read the Quran in both Arabic and English multiple times, I submitted myself to Allah, and whatever came along with being a liberal devout Muslim these days.

I remember always questioning the validity of Hadiths and why we should follow them when they were recorded 300 years after Muhammad died. Also, I could not make sense of this Abu Huraira character who has super memory, and has narrated thousands of Hadiths when he spent only 3 or 4 years with Muhammad while others who spent 20+ years with Muhammad narrated significantly less hadith (few hundred on average or less). Using reasoning, I could not make sense of some of the things I was reading, ie. Dogs are filthy animals. I could not understand why God would restrict loving such a friendly creature. When I asked my parents, they referred my questions to Mullah’s and Scholars. I did reach out and I found their logic to be as sharp as a 5 year old’s. Anyways, I stopped following Hadith all together when I uncovered that Abu Huraira was a fraud and Umar (Khalifa of islam at the time) removed him from the Governors office after realizing Abu Huraira had built up a massive fortune. ( https://www.islamweb.net/en/fatwa/366526/incident-between-umar-and-abu-hurayrah-about-public-money) are many reports of Abu Huraira selling Hadith for profit and gaining popularity amongst the just because he was a companion of Muhammad. Anyway, you can study this stuff on your own, he was a corrupt individual in my opinion (https://www.islamic-laws.com/sunnihadithcor.htm). When I ask people what proof do we have that the Hadith aren’t all lies, I usually get the response of that Companions were the “BEST” people, chosen by Allah who could not be corrupted like Jesus’s companions (something along those lines). Scholars also provide these arguments that everything in the Hadiths are “Sahih” and can be traced back to the original narrator. Bukhari (Islamic Scholar) went through all the Hadith and kept only the Authentic ones a few hundred years after Muhammad died. Anyways, I don’t doubt the hadith are authentic – I just don’t believe in what it preaches. Splitting the Moon in Half, Muhammad spitting on companions eyes and curing him – FYI Humans cant do stuff like this.

I studied the Quran knowing that this was the word of God, the creator of all that exists in the heavens and the earth. I did not question the authority and authenticity of the Quran till last year when I really sat down and questioned if the Quran was a divine revelation from God. My research has led me to confirm all that I knew and doubted about Islam – The Religion in Summary is created by Muhammad, who was not divine in anyway, shape or form. What changed my mind was this book: “Islam Dismantled: The Mental Illness of Muhammad” by Sujit Das. It explains everything clearly using references from Hadith and Quran as a tool to analyze the personality of Muhammad. It cleared my mind and freed me from the Slavery of Islam. I’m beginning to realize what a brainwash religion is. How did we get to this point where we have 2 Billion Muslims? If you look at the Taliban today, they are the truest form of what a Muslim should be in accordance with what Muhammad preached. I say this after studying Islam for 15 years. You can argue this any way you want but if you read the Quran and Hadith and you follow it teeth and nail, the Taliban is the outcome. All other branches of Islam are not following in Muhammad's footsteps.

Here are some fun Facts I learned:

Where did “Allah” Come From? Allah was the Lunar Deity for Pagan Arabs. Muhammad wanted to attract followers so he chose a popular God and went with the flow. Allah was a statue and an Idol. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allah_as_a_lunar_deity#:~:text=The%20postulation%20that%20Allah%20(the,in%20early%2020th%2Dcentury%20scholarship.

The Quran, as many know, is not arranged in the order in which it is arranged today. Surah 2 was not the second Surah revealed to Muhammad. Anyways, Allah was first mentioned in the 22nd Surah revealed to Muhammad (Surah Iklas). I wonder what took so long for Muhammad to realize he was talking to Allah – had Allah not introduced himself from the very beginning. Don’t you wonder why every Surah in the Quran has the added phrase “Bismillah” or “In the Name of Allah” and how the Surahs were all rearranged. Before Allah, he addressed him by “Raab” or Lord.

Surah Anfal – 1: “They Ask you about the bounties. Say, “The bounties are for God and the Messenger.” So be mindful of God, and settle your differences, and obey God and His Messenger, if you are believers. – Asked myself this: What would Allah possibly do with the bounties? Many people know Muhammad to be a poor and humble man when in all actuality, he was wealthy and there have been reports of his wives/family/Khalifas fighting over his wealth which he left behind. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hadith_of_Muhammad%27s_inheritance

Any description of Paradise is Green, gardens in which rivers flow, trees, fruits, wine. Well guess what, how else would you convince a group of people in a DESERT to join your band wagon.

Quran has many verses regarding orphans. Reason: Muhammad was an orphan himself so of course Allah will love those who care for the orphans.

Muhammad hated his mother who abandoned him at a young age and left him with his uncle who raised him. Here's the Hadith: "Abu Hurayra says: “The prophet (pbuh) went to the grave of his mother and wept and so those around him also wept. So the prophet (pbuh) said: “I asked permission from my Lord to ask for forgiveness for her but the permission was not given to me, so I asked permission to visit her grave and this permission was given to me, so visit graves since it is a reminder of death" --- What God will tell you that you can't pray for your mother? This shows how much he hated her to a point where he says Allah told him not to pray for her

Here is a great resource and the best type of Tafseer for those Muslims who truly want to learn about their religion and Quran - seriously, read this: https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/oyx370/bible_quran_stats_courtesy_of_skeptics_annotated/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Muhammad was an idol worshipper. He grew up in a pagan tribe. It wasn't till late in the game he started going the monotheistic route to get some attention. https://youtu.be/ZCMk_fTNryk

Muhammad was under Khadijas control (his 40 year old wife). He could not mess around while she was alive because she was wealthy and powerful. After Khadija died, Muhammad got a bunch of Money from her and became horny and started marrying anyone he wanted. Here's proof - notice the dates: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muhammad%27s_wives

The language of the Quran drastically changes, going from short, one line poems to commands given to his followers in great detail. Compare the last Surahs in the back of the Quran - they put these in the back for a reason. The Surahs revealed when Muhammad rose to power are the ones they kept in the front to control his followers. He obviously hired people to write for him. Any writing expert can tell you this by analyzing the Quran. Did Allah not know how to instruct Muhammad in detail during his early years?

What Creator could instruct you to kill disbelievers where they stand.

Why in the Quran do you have Ayats/verses that tell you stuff like: People who desire this life are the Kafirs, the believers prefer the after life and heaven. Stuff like that would be told none other by a typical cult leader to get his followers to do Jihad in his name and not have to worry about death. This is how Islam rapidly expanded. Suicide bombers is just a part of being Muslim. We need to sacrifice ourselves and do Jihad for Muhammad and Allah. Over the years, the word Jihad has been changed to the word Struggle or striving for the cause of Allah and used in a much liberal sense. Myself and Muhammad and Allah disagree with your liberal Islamic definitions.

No Muslim can question the authenticity of the Quran or Muhammad and his authority. To that I say, Why not?

I can list another 10,000 bullets on what's wrong with Islam. I have enough in my head to write a book about this topic.

FYI - I'm a Quality Analyst by profession. I find bugs in complex software systems and I do a pretty good job at it. I tested religion and all my test cases failed - it's essential that I report these bugs to the world so we can fix them. We are all Developers who have the ability to fix these defects.

I am Muhammad, and I am a Servant to the Moon God, Allah. He's bright, round, makes me happy when I look at him, protects me from asteroids and comets, creates beautiful waves in the ocean, and doesn't ask for a fucking thing in return.

TL;DR: My journey out of Islam, reasons why I left, and my Rants at the bottom.

[cometcalloway]

Bold what applies to your muse.

BACKGROUND

Financial (both): Wealthy | Moderate | Poor | In poverty      (Wild how fast things change)

Education (Sparrow): Qualified | Unqualified | Studying  (His ‘education’ was propaganda meant to educate him about why he should die for the world, but there was some useful stuff in there all the same. It’s hard for Sparrow to justify actively trying to become more useful to people when that worked out so well the last time. He isn’t interested in pursuing studies of some kind, at least not until he’s had some serious distance from his past life.)

Education (Rook): Qualified | Unqualified | Studying  (Rook’s ‘education’ had a lot of propaganda too. More useful stuff, though. A lot of things relevant to being educated in the painting world just don’t translate to the outside world, unfortunately. He has a lot of knowledge gaps, and he’ll fill them if that’s what it takes to keep a roof over their heads. Being some kind of scholar doesn’t appeal to him, he’s most likely to treat education in its broadest sense and learn a trade.)

Criminal record (both): Yes, for major crimes | Yes, for minor crimes | No | Should have one

FAMILY

Love life (both): Married,  Happily | Married, Unhappily | Engaged or betrothed Divorced | Separated | Widowed Partnered | Single | It’s complicated | Other | Not interested | Polygamous | Open Relationship

Children (both): Has a child or children | Has no children | Used to have children | Wants children | Doesn’t want children | Unknown

Siblings (both): Close with sibling(s) | Not close with sibling(s) | Has no siblings | Used to have siblings | It’s complicated | Unknown

Parents (both): Orphaned | Adopted | Raised by birth parent(s) | Raised by family member(s) Disowned | It’s complicated | Unknown (Their parents were so so important, & they got a lot of their ‘parent’ attention in the form of hired tutors, mentors, governesses, etc.)

TRAITS + TENDENCIES

Extroverted         ◯         R         S       Introverted

Disorganized       S         ◯         R      Organized

Close minded      R        ◯         S      Open minded

Calm                    R         S         ◯     Anxious

Disagreeable       S         R         ◯      Agreeable

Cautious              S         ◯        R      Reckless

Patient               S, R      ◯        ◯     Impatient

Outspoken           S         ◯        R      Reserved

Leader                 S          R        ◯     Follower

Empathetic          S         ◯        R      Unempathetic

Optimistic           ◯          R         S      Pessimistic

Traditional           R         ◯         S      Modern

Hard-working      R          S         ◯     Lazy

Brave                 S,R       ◯        ◯     Cowardly

Cultured              ◯       S,R       ◯     Uncultured

Loyal                    R          S        ◯     Disloyal

Faithful               S,R       ◯        ◯     Unfaithful

BELIEFS

Gods: Monotheist | Polytheist | Atheist | Agnostic (Sparrow) | Don’t care (Rook)

Ghosts or spirits: Yes | No | Don’t know (Sparrow) | Don’t care (Rook)

Afterlife: Yes | No | Don’t know (Sparrow) | Don’t care (Rook)

Reincarnation: Yes | No | Don’t know (Sparrow) | Don’t care (Rook)

Aliens: Yes (Sparrow, provided he has the necessary context) | No | Don’t know | Don’t care (Rook)

Religious: Faithful    S     ◯      ◯   Unfaithful | Not religious (Rook)

Philosophical: Yes (Sparrow) | No (Rook)

Politics: Left Wing    S   ◯   ◯   Right Wing | Doesn’t know or on the fence (Rook) (Rook has a presence in most threads as Sparrow’s nice, protective, supportive older brother. The person Rook was when he and Sparrow joined forces, at the start of their journey together, was very different than who he is these days. He was an evil knight who supported an evil society. He did awful things and bought into elaborate thought experiments about why someone like him was actually heroic and great. He chose a couple areas to be intentionally kinder than the wider culture, decided he was a unique and different good person, and looked the other way when it came to deciding whether the system was fundamentally corrupt. He has the kind of personality that finds a right wing orientation attractive, and he only realized that his kingdom was taking things too far when he was forced to confront the reality of Sparrow’s situation. Now he’s just confused! He doesn’t want to be the hired blade of a garbage system anymore. He isn’t naturally inclined to introspect, and he has a lot of introspecting to do about political beliefs before he finds one that feels right and genuine. He knows that Sparrow won’t follow political beliefs that hurt anybody, even if Sparrow is a bit incomprehensible to him sometimes. So for the moment he’s tagging along Sparrow’s spiritual journey thing to see what he can learn. It’s part of the reason he protects Sparrow. This is the guy who knows how to do things for yourself instead of how people told you to do things. His protectiveness of Sparrow isn’t self-sacrificing and self-erasing, he’s protecting his teacher so he can someday learn self-becoming.)

SEXUALITY + ROMANTIC INCLINATION

Allosexual                ◯         ◯       R,S     Asexual   (Rook is demi, Sparrow is gray ace)

Sex favorable           R           S          S      Sex repulsed

Alloromantic              R          S          ◯     Aromantic  

Romance favorable   R          S         ◯      Romance repulsed

Sexually: Adventurous | Experienced | Naive | Inexperienced | Curious (this is their private info tbh! I don’t necessarily know all the details!)

Potential sexual partners: Male | Female | Nonbinary/GNC (<- Rook) | Other | (Sparrow ->) None | All

Potential romantic partners: Male | Female | Nonbinary/GNC (<- Rook) | Other | (Sparrow ->) None | All (Rook is really cut off from his preferences tbh. So he’s kind of, questioning, and questioning whether he’s allowed to question. He’s a lot more likely to look for female partners, but if somebody else surprised him, he’d go back and question his preferences before he’d reject them. Sparrow’s got The Trauma in a way that complicates everything, on top of being ace, but he also makes a habit of not being the one to decide that something that could be good isn’t meant for him. In practice, he’s much more likely to reject a potential partner than pursue a relationship, or destroy a connection at the first sign of danger. But he’s sort of lazily confident that good things meant for him in this area will find their way to him. I generally don’t write romance etc., so this is more character info than rp possibilities.)

ABILITIES

Combat skills Excellent     R&S    ◯   R,S    ◯    ◯    None

Literacy skills Excellent       S       ◯     R     ◯    ◯     None

Artistic skills Excellent        ◯     S        ◯    ◯     R     None

Technical skills Excellent    ◯     R      ◯     ◯    ◯     None (Sparrow)

Athletic skills Excellent       ◯     R      ◯     ◯    ◯     None (Sparrow)

HABITS

Drinking alcohol     Never       S      ◯    R     ◯     ◯   To excess

Smoking               Never (R,S)       ◯    ◯    ◯     ◯   To excess

Medicinal drugs      Never      ◯     ◯    ◯    ◯    ◯   To excess  (as needed I guess!)

Other drugs           Never (R,S)      ◯    ◯    ◯     ◯   To excess

Indulgent food         Never       R     ◯    ◯    ◯     S    To excess

Splurge Spending  Never (R) ◯    ◯    ◯    ◯     S    To excess

Gambling               Never (S)  ◯    ◯    ◯    ◯     R    To excess (Thrill seeking counts)

Tagged by: @magioffire (thanks!)

Tagging: I destroyed the meme format a little as I filled it out lol, but pls steal it if you want to do it & it still looks usable