#while their mom meows constantly because she wants out to be away from them

[one-winged-dreams]

Having 7 cats in the house is really starting to change my opinion on having cats.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA, (or, was I) for only taking one cat with me?

will explain the title as i go. also, this is about something that happened like a year ago but it still weights on my mind. backstory-ish first, so sorry for the length of the text.

I (20+) moved out a little more than a year ago to my first own apartment. My siblings moved out before i did, so now my moms living with only her boyfriend and the remaining cats. We had four cats before i moved out, all of which are allowed to go outside (i know, outdoor cats, they have been all my life and i didnt realize the danger they were in & being for the local environment when i was a kid). My new apartment is on the second floor. When i moved out, i decided to take one cat with me, because he really kind of imprinted on me since he was a baby and would constantly follow me around. And while i didnt like the thought of forcing an in&outdoor cat to suddenly only be indoors in a smaller space than our house was, i figured it would be fine if its him.

one of our other cats, which we got a few years after we got the cat i took with me, also really liked to spend time in my room and with cat 1. We got cat 2 from the animal shelter after his previous owner, an old lady, got dementia and had to give him away.

my mom and her boyfriend suggested i take both cats with me and not just one. i didnt want to for a few reasons:

(1. i wasnt sure how much cat 2 would like suddenly being an indoor cat in a smaller space bc he spent like 50% of his time outside and the other 50 in my room, 2. i wasnt sure if the apartment would be big enough for two cats 3. i wasnt sure how hed adjust to yet another new living place, because he took some time adjusting when we got him from the shelter and would meow/yell a lot when no one was with him until he got used to his new home. when i moved out i was about to start a new job training-ish thing which required me to not be home for some hours 5 days a week so the cats would be on their own a lot. and reason 4., which is were i felt kinda selfish: cat 1 is a shorthair cat and cat 2 a maine coon so all my clothes and stuff would be full of hair all the time, even when we tried to prevent it. i didnt really care as a child growing up bc we had a lot of long hair cats but i was kinda thinking that a new space with less cat hairs on everything would also be kinda nice)

i only told my mom and her bf reason 1, 2 & 3 bc i felt like a dick for reason 4. i love all of our cats a lot and leaving any of them at my moms place was really difficult because i was just so used of them always being there all my life. my mom told me after i moved out that cat 2 was still around my old room a lot and started spending even more time outside bc me and cat 1 weren't there anymore. and while hed start purring and cuddling when they pet him outside, he wouldnt spend time with them on their laps or on the couch a lot bc hed just get up and go somewhere else a lot of times.

thats kind of the backstory for this.

now for the (additional) reason i feel like i could be the asshole: my mom and her bf started going on trips a lot like 2-3 years ago, and he only moved in once i had moved out. so whenever they were on trips or she was visiting him, id take care of the cats and cuddle and play with them. once i moved out, they redid parts of the house (kitchen & bath) and got a lot of furniture from her bfs home. her bf likes the cats too, but he doesnt want them to be inside the house that much when they arent there bc he thinks they shed hair everywhere and could damage his furniture or something? so when they went on their next few trips, the 3 remaining cats would mostly be outside with access to a kind of sunroom? attached to the house. and either my grandparents or a friend of my mom would come and feed the cats every day.

me and my siblings didnt really like them suddenly having to be outside so much when it was normal for them to be inside the house even when we weren't home for all of our lives before that and told our mom too (by now she has seen our point and convinced her bf to let them be inside more so its getting better over time. but i wish we would have gotten our point across sooner.)

during one of their trips near christmas last year, when one of her friends was taking care of the cats, cat 2, the maine coon, disappeared. we dont know if he ran away or someone took him because his fur is so pretty or if he got into an accident. my whole family was really sad about him being gone and kept hoping hed come back and asked around irl and online if anyone had seen him. to this day, he hasnt been found. and i know that thats a (unnecessary) risk you take with outdoor cats. and that it was my moms and her bfs decision to keep the cats mostly outside and go on 1-3 week-long trips. but i still blame myself for not just taking him with me to my new apartment. looking back on it, all the reasons i had dont seem to have any weight at all and if i had taken him with me, hed still be around and id know hes healthy and doing good. and he wouldnt have been separated from me and his cat buddy.

so, was i the asshole for not just taking him with me to my new place when i moved out?

pet tax (in order):

What are these acronyms?

[nakasumi-sims]

Cody Graves for Simblr's Saddest, Wettest Meow Meow @simblorbo-bracket

I mean, you can't get as pathetic and meow meow as this man. He's the literal embodiment of a scraggly feral cat. A bisexual disaster who wouldn't hesitate to fight you if you looked at him wrong. He'd live in the middle of woods out of his van while running his paranormal investigation business if he could.

You see this? This is basically him.

Might as well start from the beginning:

Cody wasn't a wanted child but was kept because his parents are religious and might as well have something to keep around as a prop to pretend you're a good family and use him to boost their social status.

One reason his parents hate him, especially his mom, is due to his ability to interact with spirits. As a toddler, he'd act strangely as if he were talking to nothing and reply strangely to his parents when asked about it. He would talk to these spirits fairly often up until about age 4. It creeped his parents out enough that they made him shut up about it and tried to keep any weird creepy stuff away from him in an attempt to make him normal. It didn't work.

He was heavily neglected and abused throughout his childhood and into adulthood due to not being how his parents wanted him to be. He was almost constantly injured either from his own parents or his own accidents. Since he had a lot of his own accidents, his parents blamed any serious injuries they gave him on Cody being clumsy.

Whenever Cody's dressed as he likes, his parents refer to him as a wet rat. Many times of coming home absolutely filthy from exploring abandoned places while looking for ghosts and monsters didn't help this.

He ran away from home multiple times starting at age 13 and ran to another state to live out in a cave he found after he fell down a cliff and broke his arm. It's been his secret spot to run away to ever since. He still goes there as an adult if he wants to disappear for awhile.

He's often very combative, distrustful, hateful towards other people and rarely sees other people as human and just things due to his upbringing. He gets into violent fights often either picking them himself or by others antagonizing him. He sees the paranormal as more 'human' than actual humans and is more comfortable dealing with that vs people.

He has most of his criminal record hidden since his mom has a lot of contacts and she can't let her garbage excuse for a son ruin her image.

His crimes (if they stuck) include: Multiple counts of trespassing, assault and battery, aggravated assault, and disorderly conduct. Though most of the time, he's able to get away from the police on his own to avoid trouble.

Only in recent years being part of the Paranormal Club, he's learned to accept some people as ok and his friends try to help him be better. In his 3 years of friendship with them, he's grown a lot and is a lot less likely to immediately resort to violence (depending).

Due to his unapproachable nature, he's only been in 3 romantic relationships. His first relationship in high school was going ok with some rockiness due to "sexual incompatibility" until he brought her home and his parents drove her away by saying vile things about Cody and treating her like dirt in the most polite way possible. His second was in his first year of college and she also ultimately dumped him due to "sexual incompatibility". Which in both cases was...he got dumped because his dick is too big. Currently, he's engaged to another (probably worse) meow meow, Satoru, the god of karma who he's helplessly attached and devoted to. They're poor, wet meow meows together causing problems~

It's uncertain, but if Satoru got taken away from him to go back to god baby jail, Cody would become infinitely worse. This man would become the most pathetic, horrible mess to get him back. Starting it out with becoming a depressed, sobbing mess that would put Bella Swan to shame. He'd do everything in his power and spend every waking moment searching the world to find him again and abandoning everything else. His conspiracy wall would become overtaken by pictures, drawings, and clues to finding Satoru. He'd keep everything Satoru's collected waiting for him except for the rotting food, but he'd cry before throwing it away. He'd bawl every time he saw a fox and would fight gods to get Satoru back even if it was futile.

And now just a list of ridiculous recent examples and memes:

Threatened and tried to attack a group of men who were making fun of him and Satoru while they were at a restaurant. Would've fought them if Satoru didn't stop him.

Almost died from getting stabbed in the lung with a stiletto by his mother during a campaign event.

Got drunk at a bar and got way too handsy with Satoru on the dance floor then both almost killed a guy for trying to join in. Along with multiple other public acts.

Committed fraud by saying he was his father while renting a hotel room which started a rumor that his father was cheating and made him pay $200 in damages.

Walked into a different fancy hotel, covered in demon blood vomit.

Made out in the rain in a taco bell parking lot.

Got into a situation with a serial killer and injured him a few times while surviving the ordeal.

Was going to murder, torture, and let Satoru eat the girl who got him into the situation with the serial killer and hurt his best friend.

Helped start a cult.

Growled at and threatened a woman who tried flirting with Satoru.

[zwiebelii]

uhhh tw animal sickness, bc my cat isn't doing well right now, and tw for general me not getting along with my parents, especially my mom

My cat is currently sick, he was basically vomiting out all the kibble right after eating it, for 4 days. He's sort of fine now, we bought more expensive food which is specifically for cats who have stomach problems, and he can eat that. He also poops normally now (he didn't poop for a while because, well, he puked everything right up), and generally he seems fine, but today at 6 am my mom and I woke up because he was coughing and choking, and trying to vomit, even though nothing came out. So the timeline is, he was vomiting for 4 days, now he had 3 days where he was sort of alright, and now this, and yeah - I'm worried. Especially since my parents have never really cared about his health that much, and he is morbidly obese, because whenever he started meowing because he was bored and wanted to play, they would just feed him to make him shut up. He's now 15 years old, and generally it would be good to take him to a vet to just see if he's alright.

Also, my best friend works as an assistant to a vet, and I've been texting with her about all this, and she also stressed that it is time for him to visit a vet for once, no matter how much it costs. Plus he is still alright mood-wise, he still plays a lot, he is very curious, and just not at the point of seniority like my parents like to pretend he is. He won't die from a visit to the vet, ffs

Now all of this has been making me worry, and I've spoken up more about how my parents are overfeeding him, or that the sausage they like to feed him is unhealthy, etc. etc., and this has led to a fight, and it's just once again made me realise just how miserable i am here

In 38 days I can finally move out for real. Until the end of february, it's just a temporary accommodation, and I have to look for a flat for the time after that, but jesus christ. I am SO glad that I will be gone from here for real. My parents' behavior is not normal, specifically my mom's behavior. She's constantly controlling everyone, everyone needs to do as she says especially me because, well. haha, sexism and internalised misogyny, am i right boys 😎.

i am currently writing my thesis, and i have to stay home to do that. she gets pissed at me for staying at home. for a while i would go to the library to write - she would get pissed because i could easily work from home, why are you away all the time? is it because you hate us? you want to avoid us? you ungrateful bitch of a daughter, you're just trying to avoid cleaning, yadda yadda yadda

if i cook something, i get criticized for my choice of food, for using too much of the ingredients, for cooking too slowly. if i don't cook, i get called a freeloader.

it doesn't matter what i do, it's always bad in my mom's eyes, and i am always the worst and dumbest and most stupid daughter anyone could have. if i mention the tiniest criticism of something, i am "just like my dad's shitty family", i get called a "jew who never stops complaining" (yeah the antisemitism is still going, babes 😎), meanwhile she starts screaming out of nowhere, never pays attention to something like her facial expression (which is fine! i dont think everyone should be hypervigilant about what their face looks like. but she tells me to fix my face at nearly every occasion), and she's just all around rude to everyone here

my whole life she's been telling me that i am a rude, gross person, that i'm controlling, that i snap way to quickly, and you know what! i'm not! i have enough people in my life now that i know that that is not me! she is, in fact, projecting her own issues at me. and that sorta brings me to the last point-

there's hope. only 38 more days of this hell. i won't have to deal with them daily, i won't be confined to my room anymore, i'll be able to cook whenever i want, to leave the house whenever i want, to freely pick and choose what i want to do with my life, without this constant cloud of criticism for, quite frankly, RIDICULOUS things looming over me. technically, after 34 days, i have to submit my thesis, and after that, i do not need to stay at home. i can just fuck around all over town, and then, on December 1st, full move out.

maybe i should try doing a countdown to that? i would post it on my other blog (@zwiebel-studies). that might motivate me to get my shit together and get more organized, and provide me with a sort of.... "guiding start".

[photographertherapistblogger2]

So it's been a while since a write a decent journal and thought let's do this after the week I've had or few weeks now. So it started just before Easter when I received any email saying I've been nominated for a house I bid on, in total shocking called this number and they infact gave me loads of information on what I needed to do next. The next day I had people coming to view what state the flat was in and they were happy apart from I needed totake up carpets and laminate flooring before I leave which I can honestly see is gonna be a pain in the ass with a frozen shoulder. Any initial reaction of girls was ok obviously a little scared and a little upset about it due to there dad living over the road from us and the fear of the unknown. After a little chat they seemed to be reassured etc. Thought no more on the situation anyway until they went to see there dad and omg did the shit hit the fan.

Since then my ex has done sly little things just to cause more stress like talking to the kids about this constantly and trying to manipulate them and make them feel sorry for him so they don't wanna move, he was trying to make out that moving is a bad idea etc etc and this has confused them and probably ruined the excitement for them. I have explained that contact won't change because there's a court order in place and that we will just be moving 10-15mins away but obviously he's blown it out of all proportion and not actually listened to me. Anyway twice last week he's been to the girls school to try stop us from moving and I was having issues with the school because Easter and just before so thought oh shit if they tell him anything that's it he's going to social. After having a think nd seeing logical side I did my research and he can't stop me from moving, he can't really call social because I'm a good mom and I only have the girls best interests at heart so whatever happens I'm cool with because I have nothing to hide.

If that wasn't enough I was told I could only have one pet in this new property so that was a heart stopper, anyway my friend said she would help find homes for them and stuff but it came sooner than I thought and was told on Sunday that I had to take them on Tuesday so didn't get timetable process that. I feel absolutely heartbroken that my two favourites had to go first and I feel like such a horrible because it's like I abandoned them, what made it harder was I ended up having to catch the bus and meet my friend God knows where then get off the bus with the 2 cats in tow causing me even more anxiety.

It was horrible I've got both cats meowing loudly because I felt like they knew what was gonna happen and made it harder, I had someone on the bus thinking I was taking them to the vet and telling me she could tell they just wanted to go home then got lost and walked past the place we dropped them at twice. Pixel is a timid boy and i was totally he safe space and his world and echo was so loving lately and we'd been through alot together too so yeah I habpve special bond with them because I saw them being born. I'm still in shock of everything that's happened this week but it will make me stronger.

Honestly that's not even the end of it, I still had to deal with taking my daughter to her adhd appointment to start the ball rolling on assessments which was scary for elena and I was tired and didn't know what to expect either. There was so much to think about and so much to explain and couldn't take it all in should of taken a note pad really but I should be receiving a letter with everything on there so fingers crossed.

Anyway when I felt like things were OK someone who I thought didn't wanna talk to me anymore started chatting again and I was obviously confused, so I thought fair enough seems valid reason not mentioning at first I was unsure of this person now I have some feelings for this guy and felt lost when he didn't chat to me. He's obviously wanted to reconnect after not having a phone anymore but when we first started talking it was fun and had plenty of deep conversations and I just feel like something is different. He confessed a few things last night which he said he held back due to thinking I would abandoned him like a few others but I'm supportive not judgy but then thinking about it that could be a slight manipulation I don't know.

Since then he barely spoke because I said that it's OK to feel feelings etc but there should be a certain amount of time spent being upset of something you can't control and to try self oothing techniques. I get that it's hard because I am still stuck in places I don't wanna be but I feel like its opportunity instead of a way of holding myself back mentally but I'm trying to change things bit by bit. Moving is gonna be massive thing for me and once I'm settled it will be a good thing I believe. I hope people understand what I'm trying to say there but isn't meant to upset but encourage. Tell me about your week?

[fantastic-bby]

SKZ as animal hybrid boyfriends

Pairing: Reader x Members

Word count: 2.9k

Genre: Fluff | Headcanon | Animal Hybrid/Shifter AU | Boyfriend AU

Warnings: Very brief mention of spiders

Masterlist

Chan

A husky hybrid

Has the CUTEST pair of gray and white ears that stick out of the top of his head

Also has the most gorgeous pair of pale blue eyes that glow in the dark

He has a fluffy white tail that wags like crazy whenever he’s excited because he doesn’t know how to stop it from showing

He’s also the sweetest boyfriend in. The. WORLD!

Always asks how you’re doing

Makes sure your not missing any meals and that you’re always hydrated

Every morning, he wakes you up with cute good morning texts and he always tries to send you good night texts sometimes forgets because he gets so caught up in work

He makes up for it tho

Sends flowers to your place whenever he forgets uwu

Chan’s the perfect boyfriend

The only problem is that you’re allergic to dogs

He didn’t realise why you always seemed to sneezy and stuffy whenever you would come over to his place

Until you told him

And his reaction makes you feel like you just told him the most horrific thing in the world

To him it is!!!!

Because he’s the reason that you’ve been having allergic reactions around him!!

He starts vacuuming his place more often to keep any fur away and makes sure to keep the area super clean so that you’re clear from anything that could cause a reaction

He also starts lint rolling and vacuuming his clothes before giving them to you so that you don’t take any of his fur home unless you ask him to leave his fur

Chan gets confused whenever you tell him that you don’t want him to vacuum or wash his hoodies before giving them to you

But you like them because every time you see the strands of gray and white fur sticking out of his hoodie, it reminds you of him

So instead,

Chan starts buying a crap ton of allergy meds

Puts them in every corner of his house

In the bathroom

The kitchen

The living room

The bedroom

Literally everywhere just in case you get a super bad reaction

That way he’s always prepared for anything

Minho

A maine coon hybrid

The most luscious fur ever known to man

His cat ears are so fluffy and always well groomed

He has this beautiful fluffy orange tail that he’s gotten pretty good at hiding his feelings with

Usually a hybrid’s animal features would probably give away their emotions, but Minho learned to control his ears and tails really well

It’s just that his ears are really sensitive and they flick around every few seconds whenever he’s in a crowded place

He has a pair of yellow eyes that are constantly in the shape of slits simply because he wants to intimidate everyone around him

Also always has his claws out because they intimidate strangers

Wouldn’t tell anyone, but Minho lets his pupils dilate when he’s alone with you (´∀｀)♡

He also likes to tease you a lot but you know he’s just joking because if he was serious, his tail wouldn’t be so related

You try not to tell him because then he’ll start working harder to hide his tail swishes

Is the most precious yet teasing boyfriend out there

He’ll make a joke about you eating a lot of ice cream whenever you’re sad, but he’ll always have your favourite ice cream in the freezer

If you complain about some kind of muscle pain, Min would call you weak but then also come home with muscle relief patches that he’ll stick to you himself

Minho likes to shift into cat form if you’re stressed because then it means that he wouldn’t really disturb you a lot

His footsteps are way quieter when he’s in cat form as compared to human form

So if you’re stressed or tired and you ask him to give you time

Minho would shift and hide in one of the cat towers he bought for himself until he hears you coming out of the bedroom

The moment he hears the sound of the bedroom door opening, he’ll lift his head and peek out from the top

If you sit on the floor right in front of the tower, Minho will scurry off of the tower to sit in your lap to

But if you don’t even look at the tower and you instead go to the kitchen, he’ll wait a bit longer to give you more time

Changbin

Yk I wanna say he’d be some cursed Dwaekki hybrid the skzoo dwaekki haunts me in my sleep

But I genuinely feel like he’d be something really threatening like a wild animal

So if Chan’s a husky and Minho’s a maine coon

I’m gonna throw Changbin in as a grizzly bear because he’s a tank of a man and I love him for that

His ears are dark brown and rounded, poking out from the top of his head

His eyes are super dark brown and sometimes you can’t even tell if you’re able to see the white in his eyes bcs his pupils are just that big

His hands have these huge black claws that could claw someone apart if he wanted to

Also has a cute brown tail that he often hides underneath his clothes because it’s small enough for him to sit on

He gives THE BEST CUDDLESSSS!!!!!

Sometimes shifts into bear form just to cuddle you because it’s cold and relying on the heater might make it too warm

So Binnie likes to use his own fur to warm you up if he notices you shivering

Also would not hesitate to bear his teeth at anyone who tries to hurt you

Changbin doesn’t really tell anyone this

But one of his proudest bear traits is his ability to vocalise like a bear

Which means that whenever he feels the need to protect you or whoever’s around him

He will growl like a bear

And it’s terrifying

You didn’t even know that Changbin could roar until one night when a stranger wouldn't take your ‘no’ as an answer and your boyfriend almost lost his mind

He pulled you behind him and grabbed the collar of their shirt and just roared at them

The stranger being a hybrid of a smaller bear species immediately scrambled off

But Changbin also immediately switches back into sweet, cuddly boyfriend the moment he turns back to you <3

Hyunjin

A sphynx hybrid

Very dramatic

Very loud

He has pink cat ears sticking out of the top of his head with a little black splotch on his left ear

He also has this naked pink tail that sticks out from underneath his shirt

Every minor inconvenience and Hyunjin’s meowing and whining to you about it and you think it’s funny every time he does

Like the time he misplaced his sock and was crying all over your shared home looking for it until he found it underneath the bed

His claws are retractable, so he usually hides them because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone on accident unlike Minho

He’s VERY cuddly both in human form and cat form

Hyunjin likes to do the ‘kneading the dough’ thing whenever you’re cuddling

And ends up leaving holes in your clothes because his claws would accidentally grab onto the fabric

Would also feel really bad afterwards because now he’s ruined your shirt

You reassure him that it’s fine

But Hyunjin’s dramatic also kinda wants an excuse to go shopping with you

So he cries about it and it leads to him dragging you to the mall so that he can buy you a new one

Ends up getting distracted at a cat cafe because he’s made conversation with one of the cats there

And he’s basically talking to them like he’s a middle aged wine mom talking about their weird husbands

You have to remind him what the goal is

But he’s so immersed in the conversation with the orange tabby that you can only watch in amusement

Hyunjin’s talking to it in English while the cat nods with it’s tail swishing every time he asks it a question, mewling every once in a while as a response

You watch with a smile on your face, chin resting against the palm of your hand as you listen

You can only gather that Hyunjin’s telling the cat about why you’re at the mall

And the cat turns to you with a bored expression on its face before meowing

“She says good luck on finding a new shirt”

You nod and reach out to pet the cat’s head as thanks

You and Hyunjin leave after a while

And soon, the trip to get one shirt turns into a shared shopping spree

Jisung

Kinda obvious but he’s a squirrel hybrid

He has a pair of rounded, light brown ears on the top of his head

A bushy light brown tail that bumps into everything whenever he’s in cramped spaces

And the CUTEST pair of brown eyes EVERRRRR

His squirrel trait is where he gets the habit of stuffing food into his cheeks whenever he eats

Ji’s really good at climbing

So he has this long ass piece of wood that he keeps in the living room of his home so that he can still climb something in squirrel form if he can’t go outside

He also has tiny black claws that he uses mainly for practicality when he's in human form

So stuff like cutting into plastic, through strings and to open mail

He just slides his finger across the top of the envelope and boom

Jisung’s quite clumsy

It doesn’t help that he has this huge, bushy tail behind him

He bumps you with it a lot and he’s always so apologetic over it

But it’s fine because it’s his tail and it’s soft and cute and it’s part of Jisung UwU

There were a couple of times where you would wake up and his tail would be tickling your sides

So you’d wake up giggling

And it would wake him up too

He’d turn around and immediately wrap his arms around your waist to cuddle into you

You love playing with his ears

Jisung’s really responsive whenever you pet his squirrel features

So if you touch his tail in public

He’s jolting forward like AHHH

And you like to gently rub his ears whenever you’re cuddling

Jisung usually ends up cuddling into you more because he really likes it whenever you play with his ears

He has a habit of making those squirrel squeaks whenever he’s uncomfortable

So in public, if he feels like he’s overwhelmed or wants to leave

He’ll cling onto your arm and start squeaking softly so that only you’re able to hear

And it’s an easy way for you to know that he wants to leave without him actually telling you

Felix

Horned owl hybrid

He has two sets of white and brown feathers that poke out from the top of his head and curls to the back

He does, however, have talons at his fingertips that he doesn’t really like because it gets caught on a lot of things

Has feathers running down his arms, but can’t actually fly in human form

His eyes are this beautiful amber colour

He also has a lot of hanging stuff in his house that he likes to fly back and forth to whenever he shifts into owl form

Absolutely loves doing the head spinning trick because you freaked out the first time you saw him do it as a human

Felix also has really light footsteps

So sometimes you don’t even hear him coming into a room and suddenly he’s beside you

Which scares you sometimes

Overall, Felix is just unintentionally scary.

Buuuut

Because he has really good eyesight at night

And because he’s nocturnal

He sleeps in the day

Which means that all of his work is done at night while you’re asleep

His hearing is intense which means that he could hear the smallest pin dropping in the kitchen from the bedroom

So when he hears something strange coming from the kitchen

He’s immediately crawling out of bed and peeking out of the bedroom door

That’s when he sees a spider crawling out from behind the fridge

A huge spider

Now, Felix does NOT like spiders

But he knows that if you wake up in the middle of the night to get a drink, then you’re going to be freaked out by too

But he should be able to toss it out the window in owl form

So Felix pops open one of the windows and shifts

His silent flying and sharp night vision make it a quick mission that’s executed without much hassle

He manages to grab the spider with his talons and just tosses it straight out of the window

By the time Felix has returned to the bedroom

You’ve woken up because you realised he wasn’t beside you anymore

So he climbs back into bed and lets you hold onto him while you fall back asleep

Seungmin

Labrador hybrid

Has a pair of golden ears flopping over the top of his head

Also has a golden tail that he usually hides because if he gets over excited then it’ll wag all over the place and might bump into things

Is a relatively quiet person and is also a quiet dog

He doesn’t say or bark that much

But you’ve come to learn how to read his body language

Because his posture both in human form and dog form speak his thoughts

Like whenever he’s standing tall then you’ll figure that Minnie’s probably uncomfortable or feels threatened

As quiet as he is

He’s extremely attentive to your needs as well

Seungmin’s able to catch your body language way quicker than you are at reading his

Which means that the moment you look uncomfortable, he’s immediately moving to stand beside you with an arm wrapped around you

Think of it as that TikTok trend that’s like ‘using my scary dog privilege’

In this case

Seungmin’s more than happy to be the scary dog that lets you walk around alone

He’d bark and bite at anything or anyone who would try to hurt you

Even in human form, he’d growl as a warning to other animal hybrids that are around you

Whenever you’re out in public, Seungmin tries to stay by your side just in case anything happens

But when he has to part from you to talk to another group of your friends

He keeps you in his line of sight

He’d always angle himself in conversations so that the person he’s talking to has their back facing you so that he’s able to see you

And when a cat hybrid suddenly approaches you

Seungmin’s more on the attentive side but he hasn’t gone into protective mode because you don’t look uncomfortable

But then your frame starts to shrink

He immediately changes his posture

Which scares the people around him because suddenly, Seungmin looks so scary

He waits a moment longer and the moment you start looking around the room for him, he’s shoved his drink into the hands of Hyunjin so that he can make his way over to you

He slings his arm over your shoulder and glares at the cat hybrid who’s now extremely intimidated by the presence of the labrador hybrid

Seungmin leans close to the cat and growls at them until they run off

He stays with you for the rest of the night and the way he stays in protective mode makes you feel safe

Until you get home and Seungmin’s back to this ball of cuddle fluff that you absolutely love (｡♥‿♥｡)

Jeongin

Fennec fox hybrid

Has a big pair of white fluffy ears that poke out of his head

Has a fluffy white tail that blends into a more golden colour that’s long enough to poke out from underneath his shirt

He has super insane hearing

Even if he has headphones in, he can hear the outside world

Bodes well for him because whenever you walk into his apartment, he’ll walk out immediately to greet you

He never actually feels hot or warm because his body heat radiates off of his ears

Is always cold in human form

In fox form, his fur insulates his body instead so he doesn’t feel much of a difference

Has a habit of not drinking for hours because he can get stuck in his fox form

Also has a habit of chewing on your desk plants if he deems them edible

Unfortunately for you, that means you’ll come home to your beautiful plant babies half eaten and munched away because your fox boyfriend wanted a snack

To solve this problem, you filled the fridge with berries and vegetables for whenever he feels like snacking

But sometimes he goes overboard and he pretty much eats everything he can find when he forgets to eat for a while

He’s a fox hybrid that doesn’t know how to shift on command

Usually he has this big urge to shift but he’ll be stuck in one form for a while before being able to switch

He doesn’t know any other fox hybrids

So Jeongin has to learn to control his animalistic instincts with the help of you!

His human partner

Lucky for the both of you

You have a friend who’s a red fox hybrid

She’s not a fennec fox

But she still shares similar instincts to Jeongin because they’re both fox hybrids

So now Jeongin comes to you with the biggest smile on his face whenever he’s accomplished something, gushing about how Fox Noona taught him how to shift on command

He’ll show you

And you watch as he shifts into this tiny little fennec fox with a big smile on his snout (Ｔ▽Ｔ)

[philosophicalparadox]

I feel a need to share cuteness today so personal story time. Cats have been bred to be kittens forever, in some way or another, and no cat ever truly outgrows their kittenness. Not even abused cats.

I have been adopted and declared "mom" by a 8 year old cat that was absolutely terrified of everything and everyone when I got here a year ago. She belonged to the old woman who rented from here before me, who passed away in the very same room I live in right before I moved in.

The woman was nasty to the cat. She hit her, threw her, kicked her and starved her. The only reason this cat is alive is because she had free range of the house and the owner of the house had 2 cats of his own.

When I moved in a year ago, this cat was absolutely terrified of me. I mean hissing, nailing me whenever I got too close, literally running up to me to bite or claw me whenever i walked by her terrified. I am the same size and general shape as the old woman who beat her, so I was a walking trigger. And to make matters worse, I use the same bed her owner did (she didnt die there) which this kitty was very attached to. She still is, and gets very defensive of anyone approaching her on the bed due to bad associations with being shoved or pushed. I still get clawed and mewed at with a panicked stare sometimes when I walk past my bed. It's sad.

But slowly and with great patience (plus knowledge and specialty training from the ASPCA) we made progress. It only took about a month to get past the worst of it, using positive reinforcement and capture training with her favourite treats (Which are, of all things, saltine crackers and banana chips) and she kind of got the idea that I was not going to hurt her. She quit biting me and let me touch and pet her just a little bit at a time. It has taken the better part of the last year for me to be able to touch her body for more than a few seconds, but we are there now - she even lets me do mock exams on her! (Something i do with All of my animals is mock vet exams, touching and checking them in all the same places and even doing injection training with a toothpick so that when they DO go to the vet it's far less stressful.) Though we are still working on the paw pads and injection thing.

My point is though that i have been officially declared mommy cat by this kitty in the last 3 months. She wants to sit with me, sleep with me, and be by me, kneading me, 24/7. Whenever I wake up or leave the house, she comes right up to me and we exchange a very cat like greeting routine. She wont leave me alone until I say hello. Now, rather than run and hide when scary things happen, she runs to find me, meowing at me and looking to me to tell her if everything is ok.

I dont feed her her food, but she is constantly asking for mine. She wants to eat everything i am eating, even if she doesn't actually want it. She has batted food out if my mouth before just to see if it was edible. And there are few things she won't try to eat if she hasn't before, including broccoli and lettuce. Again, anything i eat.

She licks me sometimes and gets very offended if I pull my hand away while she is grooming me. She has become CAT

And it is adorable.

[heckin-vivi]

I apologise in advance if this becomes a really long post so I am putting it under a read more just in case and also because some triggering stuff, but I really need help/advice on my current living situation and how to possibly escape it.

I currently live with my parents, a family friend and his kids due to living in a conservative rural area where getting hired as a trans person is practically impossible, even getting an interview only happens once every now and then here. My living situation has become progressively worse in the matter of months in all honesty. This family friend is already someone I have not spoken to for years because he is extremely ignorant, racist and trans/homophobic. Me moving in here was entirely because I have no other choice. I try to save up commission money to possibly move out if I am able to find a job in the next bigger city over (I can’t drive for health reasons so another reason I have been kind of stuck) but generally I end up being guilted into giving that money for the bills etc etc here, which I understand I suppose. 

Throughout the day I typically have to hear racist and transphobic jokes and I have to deal with it or I will most likely be kicked out. This man constantly misgenders me to the point that some of his kids have now decided that I am not the gender I say I am, as if I am a liar or something. Only one of the kids argues back to this guy (Which I am grateful for honestly, as no one else usually does or can). My brother is gay and goes through similar things, plus almost all the older kids of this guy have picked up entirely on their dad’s ideals so we hear it from them too. (Though I absolutely do not care and do speak up to them if something is said around me, especially towards my brother).

On top of this, he is super weird about my cat in kinda subtle ways. One day I was asleep in the room and my cat was in there with me (he always sleeps in the room with me) and his oldest kid came in trying to take my cat out from under my arm. Due to trauma from living with an abusive aunt, I am super alert if I get touched while I am asleep. I jolted awake and instantly smacked his hand which seemed to shock him. I asked what the hell he was doing and he said his dad wanted the cat. I told him no and did what I could to keep the door securely closed (It has no doorknob). I looked after this happened to see my brother had messaged me saying this guy had been talking shit about my cat etc etc just moments before this happened. I ended up not sleeping that day because his kid kept coming in trying to see if I was asleep to try and grab the cat from me. My cat isn’t a problematic cat either, he’s generally very chill and quiet because he has health problems. He only ever meows for food or if he cant find me (he has separation anxiety because he was abandoned as a kitten)

Another cat related thing is they let my cat outside, he has health issues (severe allergies etc) that make it even more dangerous than usual for him to be out. No matter how many times I tell them, it usually happens. I am pretty sure at this point they are hoping he runs away, stays out, or gets sick from it. On top of this, he recently took in a hyperactive dog who likes to chase the cat (This also being after he told my mom and brother that he hates having dogs inside so they weren’t allowed to get a puppy so that was already like bro...) and one day she was holding my cat by the scruff and I had to get her to let him go.

The tippy cherry on top is that again due to trauma and just general dissociation, I have an intensely hard time telling people no. He asked me if I would watch and edit his ghost hunting videos, and I was like yeah sure. I told him that I have other responsibilities like commissions, lessons etc etc and he knew this. Then oncoming days after I was given footage, he apparently told my mom and brother that I needed to get off my lazy ass and do it. This happened literally the night after I got the footage and the ongoing days after, even when I said I couldn’t edit hours of footage (especially for free) in that little of time. He has kinda been pissed at me for this ever since.

So pretty much, this living situation is getting increasingly bad and verging on dangerous for me, and even my cat. Any help is appreciated, I honestly have no idea what to do about this....or what to try or anything..

[seemslegitflapjacks]

Chapter 2, The Neighbors

When I woke up, It was already the next day. The obnoxious sun glaring at me through the curtainless window. I groaned, sitting up, my back aching from sleeping on the floor. I looked, seeing Rambo pawing at the door, asking to be let out. I sat up, kicking my way out of the sleeping bag, opening the door for the massive dog, who shoved his way out the door.

“Jeff! Wake up darlin and help us with the boxes please!” I heard my mom holler from downstairs.

I smiled, hearing my mom’s voice first thing in the morning was the best. Even if it was her telling me to grab scratchy cardboard boxes and carry them back and forth.

“Coming mama!” I hollered back, running down the stairs so fast I nearly fell.

“Hey raggamuffin.” My mom chuckled, ruffling up my messy head of hair.

“Hey mama.” I smiled back, hugging her, my mom returning my embrace.

“Ok, now go help your daddy and your brother with the boxes. Your boxes have your name on it baby.” My mom told me, giving me a kiss on the head as she shooed me away.

I walked outside, taking a few good seconds to adjust to the bright sun. I couldn’t remember the last time I’ve ever been outside when it was so bright. It was probably a California thing, hell if I know.

I kept walking to the moving truck, walking up the ramp, seeing my dad pass by with boxes in his hands.

“Mornin’ champ.” He greeted as he passed.

I gave my dad a wave back, searching for the boxes with my name written on them. After digging a bit, I found one of them. I carried it into my room, doing the same with the rest of my boxes. Back and forth, up and down the stairs. I honestly couldn’t tell whether I was running suicides or moving. It kept me busy though.

I had scratches from the cardboard all over my forearms. My arms and back felt so strained from constantly crouching down to pick up stuff. The constant back and forth up the stairs also took a bit of my energy. But it wasn’t as bad as soccer and lacrosse. Those were honestly way worse with the constant running.

After I had set the last box down in my room, I heard my mom call me from downstairs.

“Jeff! Come down please we have some neighbors!” My mom yelled, to which I rushed down the stairs.

Once I was outside, we were met by a young woman and her son. She had a slim deer like face with freckles and big doe eyes. Her son was about five or six, he has scruffy brown hair with big hazel green doe eyes and freckles.

“Hey, I’m Barbara, and this is my son, Billy.” The tall slim lady smiled, her hand patting her young son’s shoulder.

“Hi Barbara, my name’s Margaret, this is my husband Peter, and these two boys right here are my sons, Jeff and Liu.” My mom spoke, a smile on her face, our father matching her smile as the three of them shook hands.

“Hi I’m Billy!” The little kid blurted out, shoving out his hand towards my twin and I.

“Hey Billy, I’m Jeff, this is my twin Liu.” I smiled, shaking his tiny hand, the kid’s jaw dropping.

‘Mommy! They’re twins!” He told his mom, pulling on the edge of her shirt.

‘Oh! Your boys really are so alike Margaret!” Barbara replied, my mom laughing.

“You should’ve seen Jeff when he had short hair, couldn’t tell one from the other.” Our mother chuckled.

The three adults talked for a while, discussing random stuff. The conversation drew on for so long I knew my mom had already made a new best friend. I remember when I had to literally sit in the candle aisle at Wal-mart for a whole hour because my mom couldn’t stop talking to a coworker of hers. I love my mom but she’s gonna be the death of me someday I swear.

“Nice meetin’ y’all, see y’all later!” Our mom waved, finally, alas, I didn’t have to listen to my mom ramble about my brother and I.

Once we were back inside, I saw our cat Chanel laying on the couch. I smiled, quickly scooping up the little kitty in my arms, he let out a surprised meow, but instantly started purring when he realized it was me. I scratched his ears as I held him on the couch. My parents were talking in the kitchen, while my brother was attempting to figure out how to get the TV plugged up and connected to cable.

“You know It’d be nice if you helped me instead of petting the cat dude.” Liu told me, shooting me a dirty look.

“Sorry but I’m not willing to get electrocuted.” I clapped back.

Liu rolled his eyes, “You’re not gonna get electrocuted you wuss-” just then, almost on clue, the outlet shocked. Liu making a weird yelp noise, holding his finger.

“See? I’m not finna play ding-dong-ditch with God’s door dumbass.” I told him, sticking out my tongue.

“Shut up Rapunzel-” He snapped, embarrassed.

I rolled my eyes, continuing to pet Chanel, who was almost half asleep. My mom returned, turning to help my brother configure cable wires. The TV eventually flicked on, Liu grabbing the remote, changing the channel to some random show. Probably some white trash rich people show, House wives of nobody fucking cares. I hated the shows, but they were also entertaining.

At some point, my mom had turned it to the news. The reporter talking about a grizzly murder that had happened the night before. The body of a convicted child abuser was found strung up and gutted in the woods. The body was mutilated in all sorts of ways. Apparently the murderers had also smacked him around like a pinata. That was gruesome. Like, being a human pinata sounded painful. It wouldn’t even be that exciting, I mean, you don't even get candy you just get teeth n’ stuff.

We had dinner, which was just door dash Steak Escape. I grabbed Chanel, taking the little siamese cat upstairs to my room, plopping the cat down on my bed. Quickly walking into my bathroom, taking a shower.

I sat, letting the skin boiling water rain down on me. I closed my eyes, leaning my head up, the shower water making my forehead numb. I heard static fuzz up in my ears, slowly getting louder and louder. Before I opened my eyes, it had completely stopped. I quickly washed my hair, making sure I got it all before I lathered myself up in body wash, watching the soap rinse down into the drain.

I noticed the water turning pinkish red, quickly putting the back of my hand up to my face. Only to see blood. Shit, I was having another nosebleed. I’d been having a lot lately, they’d bleed until I started to hear static again. I didn’t wanna tell my parents, they’d think I was lying. Who would believe something like that anyways? Like, ‘Oh hey mom I hear static and everytime I do my nose starts gushing blood.’ Like my mom would totally believe that. I stepped out, quickly pinching my nose as I leaned over the sink. The static became louder and louder. It hurt so bad, it was ringing in my ears like a siren. I moved my ears back, trying to drown it out by making the blood in my ears rumble. But it didn’t stop. That’s when I gagged, hacking and choking, before a slug of blood splattered into the sink. Yuck.

I let go of my no longer bleeding nose, My hands stained bright red from the blood as it began to dry up. I turned on the sink, running my hands up under the water. Quickly grabbing a towel to dry myself off. I looked at myself in the mirror. My skin pale and yellowish, I felt cold and clammy. The skin on my arms splotchy with red. I looked sick as a dog. The bags under my eyes a dark purple brown. I looked disgusting, like actually nasty. I thought showers were supposed to make you feel and look better. Clearly today’s shower decided to nerf me.

I walked out, Chanel meowing loudly as he waited outside the door. The needy bastard wanting to be given attention. I nudged him away, grabbing some basketball shorts and a random t-shirt, bouncing up onto my bed. Chanel jumping up. The small cat meowing as he walked on my stomach, shoving his forehead onto my hand as I pet him. Chanel cured up on my lap purring until I got tired of petting him and fell asleep. Tomorrow was gonna be one hell of a day.

[amarits]

Tim hesitated at the ornate, arched doorway, finger hovering over a doorbell that was probably rarely used. Most visitors were announced well in advance, when they pulled up to the gate down at the bottom of the twisting driveway, but most visitors didn’t live an easy half-a-mile walk across their mostly unfenced properties.

This had seemed like a great idea the whole time he was getting dressed and walking over, but now that he was actually here, he had no idea what he’d been thinking. He couldn’t just stop by Wayne Manor. It didn’t matter that he sort of knew Jason from school; it just wasn’t something people did. It was definitely not something society people did. His mother would be horrified if she knew he was here.

But she was in Kenya, so it didn’t particularly matter what she thought, and he couldn’t give them polite notice that he was coming over because that would give them time to prepare and hide anything they didn’t want him to see. For this to work, it had to be a surprise.

He pressed the doorbell before he could think better of it, and then nearly turned and ran when he heard the bells ringing out a long, melodic tune. He might have, if he hadn’t known exactly how much security they had and how embarrassing it would be to be caught on camera running away.

He counted the seconds while he waited. He was at 163 when Alfred finally opened the door. Almost three minutes. That meant they didn’t see him coming on the cameras. Or that they were quickly hiding everything. He wondered if Jason and Bruce were even awake yet. His parents would be mad if he slept until ten a.m., even on a Saturday, but he had a feeling things were different in the Wayne household.

Alfred Pennyworth’s gaze looked straight ahead when the door opened, but quickly lowered to Tim. “Good morning,” he said, tone clearly showing surprise. He raised his eyes again to scan the driveway, maybe looking for a car or Tim’s parents.

“Good morning, Mr. Pennyworth,” Tim said in his best polite society voice. He had more memories of his mom teaching him how to get that tone just right than of her teaching him how to read. “I’m Timothy Drake. I live next door.” He pointed at the house barely visible across their properties. “I go to school with Jason and thought I’d come by. I hope it’s not an inconvenience.”

“Oh, of course, Mr. Drake.” Tim was pleased that Mr. Pennyworth’s voice matched his. He’d chosen the right tone. “Master Jason has mentioned you. Let me check if he’s prepared for visitors. Come in.”

He shouldn’t be surprised that Jason had mentioned him—they’d hung out more than once—but he still felt a rush of pleasure at the idea of Robin talking about him.

No, not Robin. Jason. Jason was a person outside of Robin, something that Tim had to keep reminding himself of.

Mr. Pennyworth led him to a drawing room just off the foyer. He didn’t think he’d ever been in this room. It was clearly meant for guests—large and airy with multiple couches—but the galas he’d attended at Wayne Manor had mostly been contained to the ballroom and largest dining hall.

“I’ll be back shortly,” Mr. Pennyworth told him, and Tim nodded with a big smile that fell away as soon as the butler disappeared from sight.

How long should he wait before he started snooping? He shouldn’t move immediately, but if he waited too long, Mr. Pennyworth would return and he’d have missed his chance.

On his maps, the manor looked like a black hole of technology—no security cameras, no alarm systems—but he knew that wasn’t true. It was just self-contained. Cameras that recorded but weren’t connected to any outside networks, or only to the Cave. He thought he could hack into the Cave if he really tried, but that was way too much unnecessary risk, especially when it had taken him less than fifteen minutes to get into the house.

Still, he should behave as if he was being constantly watched. As far as he knew, he was.

He walked in a few circles around the drawing room, checking his phone every couple seconds and trying to look as much like a bored teenager as he could. On his fourth circle, he stopped by the door and stared down the hallway. One second, two seconds. That was enough. He wandered out into the hall, making sure to keep his steps slow and directionless. He didn’t have a purpose. He was just wandering.

He peeked in a room as he passed. The long dining table and chandelier marked it as a formal dining hall. He was pretty sure he’d been in there before, but a lot of these rooms looked the same.

The next room was cozier and looked more used. Several couches, like in the drawing room, but these were circled around a large screen TV. A blue sweatshirt was draped over one, and a book sat on the arm of another. The book was probably Jason’s, but the sweatshirt…

He was still studying it when something fluffy rubbed against his leg and he almost pitched forward in surprise. He stumbled a few steps, barely lifting his leg enough to avoid kicking the unexpected obstacle. Instead of getting out of the way, or at least staying put, the obstacle meowed insistently and tried to rub against him again.

It was a cat. A large gray cat, more fluff than form, with black stripes crisscrossing its body. It wasn’t Dick’s two-faced cat, which would have been surprising but at least made sense. It was…

He saw a flash of a gaping grin spreading across a pink striped face and found himself a few steps back without any memory of moving.

“Nice kitty,” he said nervously, holding his hand forward in a weak shield.

Read more on AO3

[zetalial]

FMA fanfiction recs!

Hey, so in my recent fma survey, I asked people for FMA fanfiction! And they delivered, yay! Thank you. I decided to make them into a nice list for all to see.

You’re very sweet, Anon but I’m afraid it’s already too late. This ended up quite, quite long. And I’m amazed at how long some of these stories are - if you’re looking for stuff to read, hopefully this list will occupy you for a while, (especially if you check some of the author’s other works). 

Most of these I have not read, but hey, they were recced so they’ve got to be good, right? Range of ships and stories from both canons. I’ve included the ships but haven’t included ratings so be warned that some of these may be explicit. (The author will probably indicate it themselves though.)

Full list under cut!

-Fullmetal’s Company by Roseveare | 18434 words | Gen, takes place pre-series. | Ed should have never flashed the silver pocketwatch in a warzone.

-A Wicked Game by Tierfal | 59921 words | RoyEd, Modern!AU |  Roy has lucked into the all-expenses-paid vacation of his dreams – all he has to do is convince a bunch of happy couples that he's head-over-heels in love with Ed Elric. What could possibly go wrong?

-Be light from now on by Merel | 2363 words | GreedLing, Modern!AU |  “Let’s go inside, sweetheart.” Cat café

-Number 28 by Sevlow | 63347 words | Gen, Parental RoyEd, divergence |  As of today, Edward Elric had been missing for four months, two weeks, and five days. Warnings for angst, some gore, and Chimera!Ed.

-In the Gaslight by UnorthodoxCreativity |13542 words | RoyEd |  Ed hates military parties. This is no surprise. But when a certain bastard of a colonel takes it into his head to make Ed's night a happier one, well. Ed's not complaining.

-Through the Gate by PreelikesWriting | 3 part series totalling  252736 words | Harry Potter crossover with BH Ed Pre-promised day covering books 5-7 of the HP books. Last part is still incomplete. |  Edward is transported to the Wizarding world and must fight his way back home.

-Playing God by the Flamel Cult | 44445 words | Harry Potter crossover  |  I thought the dull aching was something other than my demise. As it turned out, I was sorely mistaken. Perhaps I should listen to Alphonse more; maybe then there wouldn't be another bloody tragedy that would, inevitably, end it all. For good.

-snipers solve 99% of all problems by silentwalrus | 134066 words | Harry Potter crossover, incomplete post-Promised day | Ed had thought, after the whole Promised Day, homunculus, entire country harvested for alchemical batteries thing, the batshit quotient of his life would have settled down some. He really ought to have topped out the meter with that one. But no. The bullshit is just getting started.“Are you fucking kidding me,” Ed demands. “The wizards?”

-Harry Potter and the Eastern Sage by LiteratureWork | 141609 words | Harry Potter Crossover Brotherhood incomplete |  Nicholas Flamel was famous for creating the philosopher's stone, but like Lockhart's smile it was all a lie. Flamel stole a part of the stone and it took Edward 642 years to get it back along with the souls inside of it, one which was his brother. But after traveling to Hogwarts to retrieve it, Dumbledore has other plans for the ancient hero.

-Reversed by Autzulfrost | 162206 words | Harry Potter crossover post 03 anime |  At the end of the first anime, Ed is sent back to London. But he's a kid again and through a twist of fate gets involved with the wizarding world. Will the alchemist help save wizarding Britain? Will he find a way to return to his home and true family?

-Stray Hayate by Famousfault | 3436 words| Harry Potter crossover |  Hayate had no idea how he had ended up there, but he had no other choice but to accept the situation. Harry at the other hand is not quite as satisfied with it.

-Demon Alchemist by Metisket | Series, 88462 words | Brotherhood divergence covers whole series | Al died in the transmutation. In which Ed becomes Central's local vigilante, thereby becoming Maes's problem. Roy finds something poetic in this.

-No Crueler Punishment by Gomboc123 | 2504 words | Post-promised day humour |  Instead of taking away Roy's vision, Truth decides to take something much more precious from Roy, and defaces him in the worst way possible.

-The Bond we Share by DiaHonkers | 23750 words | What if Brotherhood where Ed and Al share a body incomplete |  The Fullmetal Alchemist was a weird person. He joined the military at only 12 years old. But the weirder thing about him was that he changed personalities in the blink of an eye. One moment he could be screaming his head off at you and the other he would be profusely apologizing. He would constantly talk to himself, and his commanding officer didn't bat an eye. But what they didn't know that it wasn't just one person. It was two.

-Another Journey by Isil'zha BLZ | 254486 words | Whole series rewrite. |  The Elric brothers embark on another journey, but this time it's different than the ones they've been through before. A reimagining of the FMA story that combines elements from both anime to create what is (hopefully) the best of both worlds.

-A boy named Ed by BelloftheSea | 302732 words | Post-canon but Ed is young again without memories of his old life. Incomplete |  Ed knew he was different. It wasn't just that he was smarter than the other kids or even that he had automail. No, it had more to do with the way people would occasionally look at him, like they were expecting somebody else. It was the way his mechanic cried the day she met him. It was the way his dad would sometimes slip – and call him Fullmetal.

-Nothing Gold by Rydia Highwind | 23230 words | EdLing Post-canon, AU ending |  Ling has gained immortality. Ed has not.

-Unto the Shores of Acheron by LAXgirl | 99904 words | Gen, post 03 AU |  Everyone thought Edward was dead. But when someone tries to resurrect him, no one's prepared to deal with the soulless look alike that's created instead, or its hurt and anger when his original half unexpectedly returns from the other side of the Gate.

-Nequitia Est Manus by Azei | 103304 words | Divergence story incomplete | Madame Christmas meets a blonde brat with a fondness for drinking all her whiskey and giving her more headaches than Roy ever did. AU in which Ed fakes his death at the end of episode 26 and uses it as a means to stop Father's plans from the sidelines.

-Beast of a Burden by Shoulderpads | 66416 words | Diverges Pre-canon, BH incomplete |  Alternate universe where Ed and Al don't get the chance to try and bring their mom back before they're taken to the labs as subjects for chimera experimentation.

-The Colours of the World by MaiKusakabe | 114228 words | Harry Potter crossover Post Promised day, incomplete |  When Roy Mustang went to retrieve his eyesight from Truth, he wasn’t expecting to end up doing a job in exchange. It couldn’t even be an easy job, of course, because Edward’s assessment of Truth was a pretty accurate one.

-Confirmation Bias by Cryogenia | 3327 words | RoyEd vague timeline. | (No summary) 

-Phylactery by Shade40 | 250666 words | Post-Promised day AU, incomplete |  Six years after the Promised Day, Selim is Homunculus and child. As he studies alchemy, Selim realizes it is possible to resurrect his family. The Homunculi deserve the same second chance that he was given, but while they struggle to embrace their newfound humanity, an unknown player comes with a deal that divides them. Post-FMAB with bits from 2003 series.

-Inhuman Beings by wllw | 3173 words | Mid BH, Pride + Kimblee centric |  At the edges of his vision, the shadows followed him.

-The Twelve Days of Disaster by  MEOW-I'm-A-Dog | 47932 words |  A series of oneshots about Christmas that go from crack to full cocaine. Written on a whim, not to be taken seriously unless you want to. Characters: Breda, Ed, Al, Havoc, Fuery, Hawkeye, Falman, Mustang, Hughes and the occasional Armstrong

-At Gate’s Edge by Winds of Water | 455478 words | RoyEd 03 AU where human transmutation went awry and Ed is a ghost. Incomplete |  Love's never easy as it is, but it's twice as hard when you're separated by life and death.

-Grand Arcanum by The-Immortal-Moon | 343781 words | Series AU and roleswap blending 03 and BH. Incomplete |  Brothers Edward and Alphonse tragically lose their bodies in a failed attempt at human transmutation. Now, they partner with their childhood friend, Winry, and scour Amestris in search of the Philosopher’s Stone.

-Abandon All Hope, Ye who enter here by Anonymous | 17171 words | Dark! Au from end of 03. Ed being held by Dante. NonCon. |  Everything went wrong. Al is gone, Dante has the Stone, and Ed is a prisoner to the fanciful whims of his new captor.

-Love Can Melt the Ice by Winryofresembool | 63640 words | EdWin Modern!Au |  Edward Elric, a hockey player from Amestris, participates in his first ever Olympics. The only thing he's planning to get from there is a gold medal. However, when he accidentally bumps into a childhood friend, a talented figure skater Winry Rockbell, he learns there are things bigger than hockey.

-Our Embalmed hearts, our desolate kingdoms by spooky_bee | 155853 words | Neon Genesis Evangelion fusion with FMAB RoyAi | "He leans back, palms connecting with the concrete, and looks up over their city, their desolate kingdom. In the rain, Central City might as well be the ruins of Xerxes, empty and grey, and he and she may as well be the last two people on earth."Or, Love in the Time of Giant Robots

-Talking With Ghosts by em-witchwood | 2801 words | EdRiza, Post FMA 03 |  Out of all of them, she was probably the only one that didn’t regret all the things she had never said to him, because she’d said all that she wanted.

-We That Are Young by Stoplight Delight | 277131 words | Pre-canon |  It's a well-known fact that innocents make poor soldiers. Fortunately, Riza Hawkeye's childhood was not entirely innocent. She had to grow up fast... though she wasn't the only one. The early years of the Colonel and his First Lieutenant.

-Tempest by Bookwrm389 | 16810 words | Gen, vaguely mid-series Parental RoyEd |  Ed is adamant that he doesn't need a father. And it's only when he's about to lose the closest thing he has to one that he understands how very wrong he is.

-Flames of Consequence by EnviousMonster | 67018 words | Gen, Envy lives AU post BH. Incomplete |  Where Envy survives and is given a second chance to become something more than they were made to be. Will contain depictions of violence, emotional and mental duress, etc.

-Stock Market Crash by VIKAN | 29301 words | Gen, vaguely canon timeline |  Stranded in the middle of the Eastern Desert, Roy Mustang must try to get himself and a concussed Edward across it safely before he completely loses his mind.

-Mendacium by ChaoticClueless | 15558 words | My Hero Academia crossover with BH Ed. Incomplete | Edward didn't want to help Truth. He didn't want to go to a different world to defeat yet another Father. He didn't want to become a vigilante there.He also wanted his brother back. The choice was obvious, even if Truth is a massive asshole.

-Reverti Ad Praeteritum by Batsutousai | 288908 words | EdRoy Timetravel story, BH |  Unwillingly forced to serve as a human trial for a crazy alchemist experimenting with time travel, Edward Elric finds himself standing across from Truth in the moment it takes his leg from him. Armed with the knowledge of what's to come and burdened with guilt for the choices he'd made as an adult, Ed sets out to fix every mistake he ever made and save every life they ever lost, no matter what it takes.

-Best Kept Secret by MoonStarDutchess | 523815 words | RoyAi BH canon-compliant incomplete |  What if Roy and Riza were secretly married through the entire series? This story tells you that.

-Ash Like Snow by Laora | 6723 words | Harry Potter Crossover |  His sanity is crumbling away, but then, so is the entire wizarding world.

-Penance by Laora | 125965 words | Harry Potter Crossover around Promised Day |  The Gate was opening; the black arms stretched toward him and Pride. Ed knew he had no say in the matter. He would be pulled to this parallel dimension, alternate universe—whatever it was—and Amestris would be left to die. Truth merely grinned.

-Jiǔ by agentcalliope | 3131 words | Roy-centric piece, RoyAi |  the nine steps Roy Mustang takes towards acceptance

-Homefront by hlwim | 50895 words | BH AU, some RoyAi |  Miss Riza's arrival in Resembool has the potential to ruin everything.

-Infernia by mitsys | 3899 words | Royai, Pacific Rim AU |  Some stories aren't told in headlines or newspapers, but in the touch of hands and minds. They linger together in the Drift, lines melting together into the seams, and they don't mourn the lost letters. They've been writing their story long enough to do it without words.

-Wooden by tobu_ishi | 1928 words | Gen, Post 03 anime, Ed in other world |  He never realized how useful automail could be until he was an entire world away from it, or what a pain simple daily tasks could become.

-Mirrorworld by Tramontana Keeper | 305134 words | EdHei, Pre-CoS AU |  Ed managed to prove that he was truly from a different world, and Alfons finds himself captive in Ed's dream of opening the Gate. 

-Fragile Worlds by The Prettiest Frog in the Pond | 5635 words | Gen, 03 anime AU |  He'd been stuck in this place for months now, but no matter what he says, nothing changes. He's Edward Elric. He's been Edward Elric all his life. So why won't they believe him?

-One Foot in by Firewind | 7008 words | Gen, 03 anime AU |  Envy shows Ed why it's unwise to break a deal with homunculi.

-The Circle by Elfpen | 3007 words | Gen, promised day |  Edward Elric teaches alchemy at Central University. A particularly horrible student leads them down a path of dark discussion, which somehow, leads Edward back full circle.

-Ignis Fatuus by Mikkeneko | 5787 words | Gen. |  Edward attempts to break apart a chimera made from an animal and a child.

-Abstention by Asidian | 11117 words | Vague timeline |  An assignment to snow country under Colonel Mustang is bad enough for the damper it puts on the Elrics' search for the Stone, but downed supply lines lead to cut rations, and Ed discovers that he can't take the deprivation as well as he'd like to pretend.

-Never break the chain by haganenobeato | 4199 words | RoyAi BH, vague timeline | The nights were not kind to Riza Hawkeye. Sleep felt elusive following the failed operative to capture a homunculus after Gluttony swallowed the Colonel whole with Edward alongside him. Before she could gather her bearings and make sense of what was happening, Mustang’s men were transferred at different cardinal points in Amestris with herself at the center as Bradley’s assistant.As for him… he had been changed.

-Men and Angels by Laora | 56333 words | Timetravel AU |  Trisha can't understand; she's terrified, but she has to stay calm. Her boys are gone, replaced by her sons from the future...and something, she knows, is terribly wrong.

-The Really Ridiculously Good Looking Summer Festival by VerboseWordsmith | 45594 words | Modern!Band!AU RoyEd |  Quasi-indie newcomers, Fullmetal Alchemist, just hit number one with their second single on the Amestris Hot 100 Rock chart and they've been added to the lineup of this summer's Transmuted Tour.

-To Love is to Sacrifice by Konfessor2U | 6372 words | Edvy, BH |  Edward is held captive as a human sacrifice and Envy is set to watch over him.

-Not in His Job Description by alightintheshadows | 1331 words | Gen, BH Post-promised day, Parental Roy |  General Mustang receives visitor much too early on a Sunday morning, but he doesn't mind in the slightest.

-Aftermath by Asidian | 32148 words | Elricest, vaguely post-series |  Not even a year after Al receives his new body, Ed requests a mission that will take him far from his brother's side. When things go terribly wrong, they must pick up the pieces together.

-Ignis Aurum Probat by writing_addict | 34827 words | How to train your dragon AU, FMAB, incomplete | Edward Elric is born early into the dead of winter, on an island twelve days North of Hopeless and a few degrees south of Freezing-To-Death. He comes into the world sickly and small--and endlessly defiant, burning with the kind of rage that can shake the foundations of the universe. The gods themselves hear that scream, that roar of fury and thunder promising to remake the world as they know it, and wonder. Fifteen years later, Ed brings down the Night Fury that's been plaguing his people for generations, stands over it with the perfect opportunity to make the kill...and spares it.

-Satellite by SpicyReyes | 103170 words | EdRoy, Timetravel, BH incomplete |  A rogue alchemist, desperate to restore the alchemy of the famous Fullmetal Alchemist, pushes Truth into playing a new game - one that has Edward Elric waking up on the floor of his house where a transmuted abomination should have been, just in time to save his younger self and brother. He might have a chance to do everything again, now, though...He would never hold anything but bitterness for the title of 'dad,' but maybe an older brother could make things better.

-With Eyes Anew by Rider_of_Spades | 500 words | LustScar FMA 03 | "She’s not your second chance– she’s your first." On the implications of being in love with a Homunculus.

-Son of the Desert by ShanaStoryteller | 10445 words | Ishvalan!Ed AU, BH EdRoy | Every time Edward sees the circle on the back Mustang's hand, he wants to scream, wants to reach across the desk and shake him, wants to wrap his hands around the older man's throat and ask if it was worth it, if this desk and his rank is worth the screaming, crying, writhing, burning bodies of his people-

-Tears and Rain by BeautifulFiction_FMA | 196772 words | RoyEd FMA 03 vague timeline |  When Ed stops an assassination attempt on Roy's life, he foils one of the opening moves in a massive military intrigue. Can he and Roy stay one step ahead of those who want them dead, or will they both lose the fight to survive?

-The Lost Language of Swans by Mirabella | 2258 words | Elricest, Wingfic Post-series |  They smuggled Al out of Central and back to Rizembul, where they rented a small house with room for Ed's books and Al's wings.

-For the night has been unkind by CoolJellyBean25 | 159980 words | RoyEd PostBH AU, Incomplete |  Even with the straitjacket off, Ed never feels like it's really gone.

-conflicted by the very air i breathe by writing_addict | 149707 words | some RoyAi, BH AU, incomplete |  Edward Elric vanishes after what was supposed to be an ordinary mission. A year later, Roy Mustang gets a call that changes everything.

-World without Roy by Manalfedz | 41482 words | Gen, BH AU, incomplete |  Wherein...Roy tries not to freak out in an alternate world where everything has gone horribly wrong.

-A sudden alchemy by LadyMerlin | 5388 words | RoyEd Modern!Au |  The one in which Roy is a Knight in Shining Armour

-A Pyramid Scheme by PhantomRose96 | 1662 words | Gen, immediately Post!BH | “Why didn’t you run?”   “Sorry?”  “Why didn’t you run away, Fullmetal?”

-From Ashes by JordannaMorgan | 22864 words | Gen, canon-compliant set right after the human transmutation attempt. |  Edward and Alphonse had a long journey to make before they ever left home.

-Babylon by BeautifulFiction_FMA | 261096 words | RoyEd, post FMA 03 AU |  Two years after retrieving his brother's body from the Gate of Truth Edward Elric is still paying the price. Will his debt ever be repaid, or will it finally cost him everything?

-Havoc’s Foolproof Plan by 1stTimeCaller | 9187 words | vague timeline, some RoyAi shiptease. |  Havoc's love life is constantly interrupted by his womanizing boss. So he decides to try it on with the one woman who is immune to Mustang's charm.

-The Ordeal of Being Known by budgeWrites | 20254 words | FMA 03 AU LustScar Lust and Scar both live, Incomplete |  On conquering demons, remembering how to live, and coming home.

-Focus by Sevlow | 37665 words | Gen, vague timeline |  Mustang, Edward, and all the other Alchemists of fair Amestris are starting to lose their grip on their own minds and bodies. The Amestrian military is in chaos as dozens of its higher-ranking officers start losing their minds to an unknown sickness.

[artiemoonqueen]

Baby

By: Monica Lebron

I was part of a family that had very few pets. We had a turtle that was always there since I can remember but was never...never named. We had doves that my dad once built a coop next to our garage. We would have them in the house as they would sit on our shoulders and often lay unfertilized eggs everywhere. My brother and I were definitely too young to take care of doves. One perished from a night in said coop by a predator, the other was wounded and healed inside the house. We somehow...crushed this one during one of our rough housing. I know I know, we are heathens and should be sent to Peta jail but we were children. Being only three years apart from one another at ages 8-10, we were wrestling and playing on the couch with a comforter and one thing led to another. Our last friend from a pair seems to have gotten tangled up with us. We were very very mournful I swear to you all. After that, our parents had divorced(not because of the doves) and I was left to entertain myself without any responsibility to a pet. It was another story for my brother and mom but this isn;t about their many adventures with pets. This really isn't about the ‘previous’ pets we had in the past. This story is about Baby. In the year 2018, long before my 28th birthday I had to figure out a living situation.

1)find roommates that I knew

2)find roommates that I didn’t know

3)move back with my dad

4)live on my own

Since I had lived two years with roommates that I knew and some I knew too much. Before that I was living with my father that would sometimes ‘break my soul’. And I was a bit hesitant to move with people that were strangers at that time, I took the opportunity to live on my own for the first time. $650.00 for an apartment that has high ceilings, beautiful lighting that I will admit that I am currently kicking myself that I didn’t take enough selfies. Furniture and decorations of my own taste and pretty chill neighbors, the location was a little out of ways from anyone visiting and just down the hill was a large pharmaceutical company that was the ‘leading biotechnology company that invents life-transforming medicines for people with serious diseases’ in other words, high possibility that they are working on zombie-endulced material that a friend of mine who once worked there, would swear that that wasn’t happening but promise to text me ‘code red’ as a warning to get my ass far away from that place in anything were to happen.

So I was alone finally and I had really fucking felt it. I went through a winter before looking through websites for adopting an adult feline. I had no preference other than friendly, pettable, I pick up and hug when I need it, but independent. Spoilers(with tears coming down my face I was able to find that. Sorry I thought this was going to be easier) Before our paths would tangle as the dove with my brother and I’s wrestling match, I first looked on the local humane society website to look for potential companions. While I knew I wanted an older cat because of less time training and the idea of giving an older cat a better life, I saw a green eye, black cat with the christen name ‘Monica’. Now if you want to take this moment to go back to the top of this tale and look at the author’s name, I too am named ‘Monica’. What kinda psycho names a cat with a human name like ‘Monica’? I’ve heard names like Sprinkles, Scooby, Donut, Ringo, Chucky, and just about any reference to a greek god/goddess or dessert. Who was the previous owner that watched too many episodes of ‘Friends’ that decided to name a kitten Monica? I quietly laughed in my lonely one bed-room and moved along the website until the next day, on May 21, 2018. A week before my 28th birthday, my little cousin and I drove our way to the adoption center to look at cats that I had no idea whether I would go through with it or not.

“There’s a cat there named Monica?” my cousin had asked after I told her the musing I did the night before.

“ Yeah, she was cute but I can’t take her! I’d look insane.”

“ You don’t know Monica, maybe she is the one.”

“ Hell fucking no.”

We got out of the car and walked in. The front desk had a box of kittens that needed to be processed in. Their mewls were delightful to hear but were too young to be adopted out. I had signed in and asked ‘what’s your most friendliest outgoing cat here right now?’ The person attending us was quick to say all the cats were great but in her time there she had gotten to like a cat named...Monica. I could feel my cousin's smirking gaze on me. I was not going to subject myself to ridicule for having a cat with my same namesake thank you very much. There were many potential companions to see anyway. Some very old and very young. One with just an eye that I was close to choosing and others with large ears that reminded me of season 1 of ‘Girls’ Adam Sackler. But in the room with both a ‘mr and mrs. Incredible’ was also the notable cat named Monica. Let me tell you a little about the cat that will soon be renamed ‘Baby’. She knew how to get ya’ to want her affection. She knew that being present, unafraid. In the open, fluffy with hints of grey and a rich reddish brown coat along the black, open wide green eyes and a meow that was certain. She was her own saleswoman. In a true cliche, I was ‘hook, line and sinker’.

After $90.00 in cash, in a cardboard ‘cat carrier’ and her meowing away, I took a female, domestic longhair, black, eye color that was the color green. Birth Date 10/2009, formerly named ‘Monica’ home. Our first week, I thought she wanted to get close to me at night so when I awoke to a bat that brushed across my face and not her, that was fun. Eleven shots and two weeks of follow up maintenance shots for rabies, we had gotten familiar to one another. I would feed her half a can of wet food at 5:30 am before my morning shift at my part time job at the dmv and feed her the rest at night after my shift from my salon job. She lay on her back sometimes when we were both in the living room while I enjoyed binging on tv. And meow when I say ‘what?’ when we would eye at each-other. She will follow me to a basement apartment that I shared with my close friend David. We call her ‘pizza’ baby because of the time she climbed alongside the back of the couch while we were eating pizza from Pizzaroni. I felt a tug on my left arm that was holding up my cheese slice. When I looked, she was leaning far to reach my pizza to eat it. Not a successful attempt that time but she will try again. She constantly wanted the attention of David to which he would gladly and promptly pet her while she purred and then quickly turned around to bit his hand away. He always gave her the attention though. For that I am grateful for David. You made sure she ate and loved. You affectionately talk about her to your parents on your long distance phone calls with them and tell your two ideal brunch buddies about your time with Baby. You were the best coparent for her when I would leave for a week long trip to Europe or weekends away to work conventions. She loved you. You had to know that, and you Mike. She loved you too. But she didn’t love the dogs that would shit all over the backyard on the walkway to the trash. Those assholes.

Her next adventure with a month long excursion to my dad’s house before the final move together. While I worked my last few weeks at the salon to save for the time that I would become a true ‘City’ woman. She would find ways to break into my dad's room to lay on the middle of his bed and sleep. His heater would be right in her direction, while we sat unknowing in his recliner in front of his tv. He didn't want to like her. I know this. But who could meet a cat like Baby and not love her. Who would not love seeing a black cat go on her hind legs to look out the window that you have looked through to see the ongoings of the gentleman club next door. Yes, from grades eighth to age 26 I had lived in an apartment that was a stone throw away from a gentleman’s club that late at night, my dad would wake me up to see out the window and watch as the patrons would take pictures of topless dancers on the sign of the establishment before a game of ‘catch me if you can’ through the usual busy main street formerly known as The Bowery before 1867 however that should be left for another drawn out tale. Baby will have a final destination and despite her short time here, my dream of her sleeping peacefully near me while I lay on my bed on a raining day did come to fruition. Super Bowl LIV, February 2, 2019. Both my birth mother and I are hungover from separate nights from each other. She picks up my stuff, Baby and I. And we head to my current apartment in Brooklyn, New York. A dream that I have had besides the many others that will be done and accomplished, I swear. Baby is free to roam the car but she opts to explore little and sleeps most of the way to hear and then to Long Beach for two nights of rest. She walks around like the fearless cat that she is in any space she is in. Never cowers. Never shows fear or intimidation. She is fucking awesome in all her glory and we live together here for another six months until she seems to not to be herself.

As I live in a time of fear for my health during a pandemic, I don’t realize that Baby could be going through a decrease of quality of life with some kind of kidney failure. It was all too quick the deterioration in her appearance and behavior. I was quick to get her to a vet but the results showed more than we had thought and I had to bring her to an emergency vet. They were so kind but when the doctor told me the treatment that would be done to her, I agreed to then going to reception to find out that I would even have enough money to keep her there for a day of treatment. I paid for blood work, exam fees and medicine just to try and figure a way and she seemed to perk up again and walk her way to her favorite rooms to look out the windows or spy on us watching another extructating episode of White Lines. But she wouldn’t eat. For almost three weeks she wouldn’t eat and I had to force feed her food but she didn't want it. I would just get frustrated and I’m sure she was frustrated with me but why wouldn’t she just eat and take the medicine and be like another girls cat that has had kidney failure for years but the cat was still going? Why?

I knew what was going to happen if I made another appointment. I knew and I didn’t want to know. I just had to make the appointment because what if? What if, despite the week before she was back to her ‘old self’ she got even worse the following week, and couldn’t even walk in a straight line. What if her constant sleeping was just her trying to heal herself? What if I bring her one more time and they have a better option that I can afford and I can bring her home and she could lay right beside me on the bed like she use to and look at me with her beautiful green giant eyes that a kid once said were evil eyes but your are dumb kid, really dumb. What if? That’s not how it goes though. We know in our souls when it’s time to say that horrible and final goodbye. So we push through, kiss them more and hold them close and bring them to the vet. We will wait and listen with tears already shed for the answer we didn’t want. The answer that didn’t fit with the what ifs. And you try to say your goodbye while uttering so many I’m so sorry. This isn’t a mom in hospice or a phone call from the police saying your sibling has passed. It’s nothing close to seeing the numbers of people dying from a virus or you dad getting in an accident and obtaining horrible injuries. Those pains are harsh, and grasping air. Those pains affect the heart, and brain for the rest of your life. Baby is like one in a million pets that people have lost. There will be millions of pets to come and go after my time here. However Baby was mine for a short time, but mine. I love her. I miss her. I feel her but I know she can never be here with me again. Feeling her not in the room with us but still having her body left was eerie. She made me happy, and loved like a familiar to its owner. Her snores by my head will be missed. Her purrs and weight on my chest. Her constant knots in her long hair. Her allowances of my kisses on her head. Goodbye Monica, Goodbye Baby.

END

[lostborderline]

7/29/20

I keep not updating in increments of time and it’s truly because I have so much going on at once. This weekend was truly stressful for me. First, on Sunday, my dad came down to visit with his girlfriend to get my mind off things, y’know, about the domestic violence and mental abuse and other things like my boyfriend admitting to all the times he cheated whenever I confronted him about it and he denied it. My dad picked me up from work on Sunday and we decided to go to Misquamicut Beach in Rhode Island. It was so hot that day and walking around for like an hour trying to find a place to sit down and eat did not help our case. I did get sunburned a bit and I was wearing a t shirt and jeans like what the fuck. Eventually we got a reservation somewhere. This place did not have a lot of options available, but I chose to have a chicken quesadilla paired with a margarita. The margarita was subpar compared to other ones I have had in the past, but I did enjoy it. I had another margarita eventually, and then his girlfriend and I decided to share a huge alcoholic drink called the Fish Bowl. It’s like a half gallon of triple berry vodka, coconut rum, and others and it is dyed blue. We sucked it down and by then it was clear that I was drunk. I tried so hard to not show it, because I think it is embarrassing to be drunk in public, or drunk around a family member. On the way back to my place, I drank a can of sangria. Every time my dad and I hang out I get drunk. I had no problem walking it’s just my mind was going every which way and I didn’t like it. On the way back, they talked to me about moving, and how I should move back with them because of the current situation going on. I eventually agreed, and started texting my boyfriend everything they told me to say. Eventually my boyfriend pulled in the parking lot, not knowing that we were there too, so his girlfriend decided to confront him. We all get out of the car and go up to my apartment to pack up all my shit. My place was pretty messy so I was constantly falling over shit due to being drunk. I was also sweating so fucking bad and ran out of breath so quick. I managed to pack everything up in a matter of 20 minutes. My boyfriend was laying face down on the bed the entire time, crying. After packing everything up, I was in the hallway. I remember seeing three people out there and I was confused. I then realize that it was my boyfriend’s brother, witnessing the whole situation. I didn’t like it. I broke down, crying. My dad’s girlfriend started talking shit to my boyfriend and he retorted back and eventually I started screaming in my defense because everyone likes to backfire on me about past things I have done which was like a year ago. It seems that change doesn’t matter. I screamed that I had a video of what went on that night. I fell on top of my stuff in a mental breakdown. The last thing my boyfriend said to me was that he was going to come back for me, and that he loved me. I told him to please not, and walked away. We left, with my cat obviously. He was so calm during the situation, he laid in my lap the entire hour and a half drive up there, and never meowed once. My boyfriend was texting me the whole time telling me that he’ll change and do anything to get me back. He said he would quit smoking for me and help me get a car of my own. Not everything was clear during the car ride, everything is a little fuzzy and I’m not sure if I fell asleep. I remember getting up to Mass and unpacking my things from the car inside as well as placing my cat inside. We all left after to get a few things for the night at the only open store, CVS. I got a small bag of cool ranch Doritos, a can of soup, peanut butter lovers trail mix, a bottle of water, and a tall bottle of Gatorade with the sip lid. When I got back, I didn’t talk to anybody. My grandma said I should take a shower to wash away the day’s stress. I did that, and I didn’t feel any better. I got changed into a tank top and shorts to get comfortable, even though I wasn’t. I sat at the desk in front of my laptop trying to figure out the Wifi password so I could do my discussion board that was due in less than two hours. I couldn’t for the life of me and I started to break down. I knew things were so shitty, and I was feeling so homesick. I did eventually find the Wifi password and finished my board post. I was sobbing at this point, and I was on a phone call with my dad’s girlfriend, which she told me things were going to be okay. I eventually said yes to my boyfriend coming to get me after work at 6 AM. I believed that he would change. I had faith. I’m not sure I believe anything anymore. I slept, but I woke up a few times. The bed was not as comfy as the one back home. I was so fucking sad. I made a post saying, “I thought I knew what rock bottom was and the feeling of wanting to kill yourself, but now I am truly living it.”. I don’t think I can take anymore, honestly. 6 AM came, and I was slightly awake, half asleep and I felt like complete shit. I knew I had a hangover from the day before, my arms, legs were hurting like hell, aching. The rest of my muscles were sore, and I had only a slight headache. I was incredibly tired and felt worn out. I knew it was a hangover because every time I get really drunk like that, my arms are in immense pain the next day. I felt like I didn’t want to get out of bed, let alone leave the room to face everyone else in the house. I pondered how I was going to tell my grandma that I wasn’t staying. It was so heartbreaking to let them down, but my heart was sick and it wanted to go home. It wanted familiarity. It wanted security. It wanted stability. Yet, I knew that my life wouldn’t exactly be golden the way I wanted it to be. I got a call from my manager, she was so pissed at me the day before when I told her to forward my checks. She called to ask if I was coming back, and that if I did that I would have to work a shift as soon as I got back. I was dreading it. I absolutely needed a mental health day. I also needed money, though. I know next week my check will be absolute garbage for missing out on four hours. I did get up from the bed to get dressed and put on my shoes. I made an excuse to go out there, to make tea. So I looked for a tea bag that I packed with me and went out to the kitchen. My grandma asked me how I slept and if the shower helped. I lied and said it did a bit, it really did not. I took a few sips of my tea, and my grandma told me in the next few days of what I should do and what I would need for my room and stuff. I felt even worse just going along with what she said. Not exactly going along with her, but I remained silent as she suggested what I do while I was here. I broke the ice and said “I don’t know if I’m going to stay.” she told me to please give this a chance and that if I go back, my life would be shit and I wouldn’t be treated how I should be treated. She reminded me of how I would spend a week up here during the summer and how happy I was as a little girl. I was little, and things are so much different now. I didn’t know what love was, or pain, or anything. Now, pain is all I know, and I’m forever cursed with mental illness. I told her, “I know.” I told her that I believe that change could happen, and of my boyfriend’s efforts. I told her that he was on his way up here at the moment. She said, “no”. She would not allow me to have contact with him, let alone with him by ourselves. Once she accepted my decision, she called my uncle and my dad to let them know. My uncle freaked out on the phone, I could hear him screaming and it wasn’t even on speaker phone. He cares about me a lot. My dad called a little after and talked to me about it. He acknowledged that I was an adult and I have to make my own decisions, despite not wanting me to go back. My grandma broke down and cried “don’t do this”. I started tearing up. I hate to hurt people, especially family. It hurts so much. I just did not feel at home. She told me to call my therapist to see what I should do in that moment. I didn’t do it because I knew what I wanted. She also told me I need to take my medication and that I should go do so at that moment. I got up to try to look for it, but I couldn’t find it in the mess that was my stuff. During this time, my boyfriend was parked across the street, waiting for me and my grandma went outside to confront him. I dropped looking for the medication and watched what happened outside. I was told that she said that he looked like he was on drugs because he fell asleep waiting for me, and that the car smelled like pot. She said to him if he thought I was going back with him then he was wrong. She came back inside for a minute and then went back outside. She said to him that she can’t control what I do but if he lays his hands on me or abuses me again, that my uncle will come down there, find him, and beat his ass. She said he was not afraid to go to jail over me. As I was able to leave, I packed as much as I could into the car, I sadly had to leave my guitars and amp behind, along with a few other things such as my Beatles collection. I will come back for that. The last thing I needed to take was my cat, and I spent an hour looking for him. We eventually found him in the basement on the highest shelf.  Fast forward to today and every day is still mentally taxing on me. I try to not think about what happened, all of it, I just want to erase the memory from my mind. My boyfriend and I did argue. I saw that his mom texted him that she thinks we are not a good match for each other, and that every time I come over, I fall asleep and don’t talk or get comfortable with them. I do not fall asleep while I’m over there, and it makes me extremely angry to hear that me not being comfortable with his family is disrespectful. I want to beat it into her brain that if I’m not comfortable with my OWN family, what makes her think I’m going to be comfortable with hers. She told him that she doesn’t get it. Yeah, you’re close minded, we get it. You’re a perfect, loving family. My family has NEVER given each other a hug in their entire life. That is what I am used to, so this sudden all up in my face affection creeps me out and I don’t like it. I also saw that my coworker (his friend) texted him that he should kick my bitch ass out, to which he replied, “no doubt bro on god”. I got so mad at this, not only can he not kick me out because it is also MY place, but to agree with him and let him talk about me that way just makes my blood boil. I confronted my boyfriend with this and he got angry that I saw his texts and said that I would never change. He also asked why he should defend me. I told him if I didn’t see his phone how would I found out that he’s been cheating on me. He said to stop bringing up the past. I started screaming at this point. I mentioned that I was going to confront his mom and stand up for myself. He said that if I did that, he would post me all over Facebook. I told him that I thought he would have changed, but to lie to me about that and come and bring me home is a waste of my fucking time. I said to him I wanted to take a break from him for at least a week. I said I enjoy being alone. he asked me what good is it going to do for me to be alone and that the only reason I wanted a break was so that I could go message other dudes. This was not true at all, not even the slightest. I started just yelling to leave me alone and go away, but he wouldn’t. He kept trying to touch me, massage me, hug me, kiss me, and I just wanted some fucking space and for him to get out of face. He eventually left to go hang out with his friend, and that left me to go do my schoolwork and listen to my heartbreak sad depressing playlist. I feel more at peace when I am alone, and I don’t see why it is such a fucking problem to want that. 

[blurry-fics]

Chapter One

Realize That It’s Gone | Series Masterlist

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1995

Author’s Note: I can’t believe we’re already on book two! I’m so excited for all of you to read this one :) Also, if I happened to forget you on the taglist or you want to be added, let me know because I am more than happy to do that! (picture credit)

You stared at the wall. Then the ceiling. Then the wall again.

Your brain was bouncing idly from thought to thought. Nervous thoughts. Happy thoughts. Sad thoughts. You were almost certain that you had experienced the entire range of human emotion in the last ten minutes.

You needed a distraction.

There were a couple kids outside, yelling to one another as they bounced their little ball along the pavement. The noise wasn't particularly welcome, but the summer heat in your room was near unbearable without the window open. It was a small price to pay in order to avoid sweating straight through your shirt.

You wished that Carter still lived at home. After some help from your parents, he had finally buckled down and moved into an apartment last month. It was hard to not have him around as often anymore, but he hadn't moved far which provided you with plenty of opportunities to drive over and hang out with him for awhile. It wasn't quite the same as having him right down the hall, though.

He would know how to help.

Something crashed downstairs. With a sigh, you rolled off your bed and took the stairs down two at a time. Your mind was already full of possibilities of what Georgie could have possibly done this time. At least it would give you something to focus on for a little while.

Sure enough, one of your mom's favorite plants had been knocked over right in the middle of the dining room. Dirt covered most of the hallway and from the looks of it, the nice pot that it had been in was cracked too. Georgie was standing in the middle of the mess, half covered in dirt himself. He turned to you with wide eyes when he heard you arrive.

"You buffoon!" you muttered as you scooped him up and removed him from the mess.

Georgie was a two year old ginger tabby that your parents had adopted for you shortly after Carter moved out. Their plan was to get a chill cat that could keep you company when you were home alone for most of the day. As you soon learned, however, Georgie was one of the most energetic cats you had ever met and he was constantly getting himself into trouble. You loved him, but he was a handful.

"Look at what you did!" you sighed, holding a hand out towards the toppled pot. "Do you know how upset Mom is going to be?"

Georgie simply let out a quiet meow and hopped up onto the kitchen counter. You carefully tiptoed through the mess to put the pot back in an upright position. As soon as you tried to lift it up, a large shard broke off into your hand.

"You see? You broke Mom's favorite plant pot!"

He was too busy licking at his paw to pay you any attention. With an exasperated sigh, you shuffled off towards the closet to grab a broom. Your phone started ringing before you had even made it to the other side of the mess.

"Really? Right now?"

As annoyed as you were with the timing, as soon as you saw that it was Carter calling the frustration melted away.

"Carter!"

"Well somebody is happy this afternoon," he laughed.

"Quite the opposite, actually. That's why I'm so glad you decided to call."

"I thought it might be a good idea to call and check in on you, with it being the day before Tyler gets back and all that."

Tyler. That wasn't something you wanted to think about right now.

"He texted me this morning."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. He said that they were leaving Maine and would probably be back tomorrow evening, but that was the last I heard. Service is probably bad on the road."

"Probably. How are you feeling about seeing him again?"

You took a deep breath, "Nervous. Really nervous. Three months is a long time. He could be totally different. I could be totally different."

Carter started to say something, but you became too distracted by Georgie hopping back down off the counter and starting to eat the dirt that was still spilled all over the floor.

"Georgie!" you screeched, running forward to scoop him up into your arms. "Dumb cat."

Carter laughed on the other end of the line, "What did he do now?"

"First he knocked over Mom's favorite house plant."

"Oh no, not the fern by the door..."

"Yes, the fern by the door. And as if that wasn't bad enough - I still have to clean that up, by the way - he just tried to eat the dirt."

"Alright, I'm coming over."

"What?" you asked, eyebrows furrowing.

"It sounds like you could use some company, Y/N. You're not fooling anyone. Should I bring Marenna over, too?"

You hadn't realized how lonely you had been feeling until Carter offered to come spend time with you. Your shoulders hunched a little as you exhaled, "Yeah, that would be really nice."

"Ok, I'll fill her in while we're on the way over. Try to keep Georgie out of too much trouble, yeah?"

"I'm trying, bud," you laughed.

"See you soon."

"Bye."

The phone crackled a little as Carter ended the call. You set your phone on the counter before marching Georgie upstairs and putting him into the laundry room while you cleaned up his mess. There wasn't much for him to get into trouble with in there, although you were sure he would find a way.

You thought about Tyler as you brushed all the dirt into a neat little pile. He had been really good about keeping in touch with you as he traveled across the country, often sending you pictures of the city that they were currently staying in or just updating you on what was going on. He even made sure to set aside time to FaceTime you at least once a week, sometimes more if he was able to. It had become a comfortable routine for you.

Now that he was coming back, you weren't sure how to feel.

*      *      *

"Georgie, no!" you called as he took off for the open front door.

"Hey, not so fast!"

Carter scooped the cat up into his arms before he could make it to the door and held him to his chest, much to Georgie's dismay. Behind him, Marenna shut the front door so that he wouldn't have another chance to escape.

"I swear we need to put him on a leash or something," you sighed as you shuffled down the hall. "He tries to escape every time Mom or Dad gets home."

"Georgie on a leash. Now that would be something," Carter laughed.

"Y/N, how are you?" Marenna smiled, holding her arms out toward you.

"I've been ok," you said, happily accepting her hug. "There's a lot on my mind."

You were glad to have Marenna back in your life. Ever since she and Carter had started dating when you were a sophomore, she had been like the older sister you never had. It had felt like a heartbreak for you too when she had broken up with Carter almost nine months ago, not that it really mattered anymore.

"Well, we're here to talk you through it all."

Carter placed a kiss to the top of Georgie's head and tossed him back towards the ground. He landed gracefully and took off at a run towards the kitchen.

"I was actually in the middle of making myself some lunch, if you guys want to come sit in the kitchen," you said, gesturing over your shoulder.

Carter nodded as he kicked his shoes off near the door. You watched him for a moment before rushing forward and throwing your arms around him.

"Woah, you scared me," he laughed for a moment before returning your hug.

"Thanks for coming over here, Car," you mumbled into his chest. "It means a lot to me. You too, Ren."

Marenna reached out and ran a hand along your hair, "Of course, Y/N. You're like a sister to me."

You finally released Carter from your grasp and headed back towards the kitchen. Georgie had already made his way to the top of the fridge and was carefully surveying you as you began to pull ingredients from cupboards.

"Did you two want anything?" you asked as they took seats at the other end of the counter.

"We just had lunch, so we're ok," Carter answered.

"I wouldn't mind some water, though."

You filled up a glass of water for Marenna and handed it to her, which she accepted with a smile. Her eyes watched you over the rim of the cup as you made yourself a sandwich. Next to her, Carter had leaned forward and clasped his hands together.

"So, Tyler comes back tomorrow."

You met Carter's eyes for a moment before casting them back down toward your food, "Yeah."

"How are you feeling?"

"I think the easier question is how am I not feeling."

Marenna chimed in then. "Ok, how are you not feeling?"

"Excited."

You blurted it out so fast that you hadn't even realized what you had said at first. Marenna was looking at you with wide eyes and Carter's eyebrows were knit together. Your mouth fumbled for a moment as you tried to form words.

"No, I didn't actually mean - I don't mean that. I swear."

"It's ok if you aren't excited, Y/N. It's been what," she turned to Carter, as if to confirm, "three months?"

Carter nodded, "Exactly. You can lay out all your feelings, if you need to, Y/N. You're safe with us."

You took a deep breath. "I mean, he's seemed the same on the phone. We crack the same jokes. He gives me the same compliments. It's just like he's here, except he's halfway across the country at any given moment. I guess I'm worried that we've settled into this routine of online communication and we won't know what to do once we're together in person again."

"I have a question," Marenna said.

"Yeah?"

You ripped off a little piece of turkey and carried it over to the fridge, holding it up to where Georgie was still perched and watching. He sniffed at it for a moment before carefully taking it from your hand. You gave him a little head scratch before starting to put the rest of the ingredients away.

"You and Tyler hung out in person before he left, right?"

Your eyebrows furrowed, "Yeah."

"And then you shifted from being in person all the time to texting all the time, right?"

Carter nodded, obviously seeing where Marenna was going with all of this. You were still lost.

"Right."

"Was that hard?"

"Not really."

"So what makes you think the switch back won't be just as easy?"

You scoffed, "It's hard to have awkward silence when you're texting."

"But didn't you FaceTime, too?"

"Ok, I get your point."

"Besides," Carter added. "You two have been friends for longer than Marenna and I have been together. We were apart for six months with minimal contact and came back together like it was nothing."

Marenna leaned over and bumped her shoulder into Carter's. He smiled and pressed a kiss to her temple. You simply scrunched up your nose and took a bite of your sandwich.

"You two are so in love that it makes me sick," you mumbled around a mouthful of food.

Carter wrapped an arm around Marenna and stuck his tongue out at you, to which you rolled your eyes.

"I guess, um..." you trailed off. Carter and Marenna both directed their attention to you. "I guess I'm worried that I'm going to get stuck in the same cycle of having feelings for him that are never returned."

Carter eyed you carefully. "Are you worried that you're going to be stuck in the same cycle?"

Your jaw clenched.

"Or are you worried that you aren't?"

*     *     *     *     *

Taglist

@faceofcontvsions @ohprettyweeper @tylersheavydirtysoul @topownsmyheart @schrodingersjustine @heythereitm3 @leam-2001 @breadbinishigh @wearebxnditos @iguessimsatan @harishaanne @5secondsofmoxley @patdsinner33

[butididntpourthewhiskeys]

50 Things I’m Convinced Tay & Joe Do - Part 2

1. Joe standing in front of the mirror and checking his outfit for the hundredth time before visiting her parents. He’d then constantly walk up to her, asking “Does this look alright? Or is it too much?“ and Taylor would just laugh at his nervousness but find it very cute that he cares so much about what her parents think.

2. Taylor always wearing glasses around the house and him telling her everytime how sexy her PJ and glasses attire is to him

3. Taylor excitedly pointing to the window and saying “Horses” whenever they pass a herd of Horses while driving through the English countryside.

4. Joe always looking at her food with a touch of disappointment on his face and murmuring “should’ve gotten what you got, love” every single time they order Chinese food, which is slowly driving her insane.

5. Taylor making Joe watch “The Sense of an Ending” for the eleventh time because she’s so proud of his accomplishments and wants him to be ’proud of his craft’ which he always comments with rolling eyes but a smile on his face.

6. Taylor giggling hysterically whenever Joe is seen on screen and holding his hand throughout the entire movie while squeezing it whenever his charm or acting skills are impressing her a bit more.

7. Joe always agreeing to watch his movies with her because her excited giggles and proud smiles are what gets him through every rough day even after a failed audition.

8. Joe always kissing her fingertips whenever they sit in the car and she complains about her cold hands.

9. Joe pressing his nose into her hair while mumbling a loud “no no no no no” after the alarm goes off in the morning.

10. Joe laughing and saying “s’ fine. Mummy’s just having a lot of fun” when Olivia starts meowing because she got scared by Taylor’s moans coming from the bedroom. Taylor would just start laughing from underneath him in bed, slowly coming down from a mind-blowing orgasm and mumbling “we have to shut the door next time, baby.“

11. Joe sometimes stepping up right behind her to place his hands on her back while she’s rinsing off the dishes and Taylor mumbling a quiet “Yeah go on, I could use a massage, baby.” which is always quickly followed by “No, Joe. Not on my boobs.” and his mischievous laugh in her neck.

12. Taylor always sending him random selfies, wether she’s grumpy and on the plane or just woke up on the other side of the globe because he told her once how his day always lightens up when he looks at his phone and sees her face.

13. Joe becoming really shy and not able to react cool anymore whenever she’s bragging about how he’s the “most amazing guy in the world“ in front of her entire family on a holiday.

14. Taylor standing in front of the patio door of her Rhode Island home, trying to get Olivia inside before it starts to rain even harder. „Olivia. C’mon. It’s raining!“ She’d yell, has no clue how to get the stubborn cat inside. Joe would walk up to her and slowly open the door a bit more to step outside “m’ getting her. One wet pussy in this household is enough.“ he’d say with a mischievous smirk on his face before getting hit by his girlfriend, who can’t believe how cocky he is at times: "You did not just say that, Joseph.”

15. Joe sometimes whispering a low „you’re the love of my life, do you know that..“ while laying awake in the middle of the night, holding her in his arms and listening to her soft snores and starring at her for minutes.

16. Joe and Taylor watching BBC documentaries until the middle of the night and having deep conversations and discussions about it afterwards.

17. Joe sometimes smiling at her in the middle of a serious discussion about a certain topic that was part of the documentary and answering with a quiet “god, you’re so smart. you have no idea how sexy that is.”

18. Taylor constantly burning her fingers while cooking and Joe always yelling a concerned “be more careful, baby. please.“ from upstairs.

19. Taylor’s heart melting when she enters the living room after preparing some food for her godson and finding Joe and him cuddling together on the couch and reading a book together.

20. Taylor always wearing his clothes in the house when he’s gone a for a few days for work. Even though his sweatpants are way to big for her, she’d always find a way to make’m fit while having a chilled day at home with the cats.

21. Joe calling Tay “the master of cheese“ because she always adds an extra layer of cheese on her pizza whenever they’re at home.

22. Tay and Joe watching “The Voice Kids UK“ on TV and Joe mumbling an impressed “we should really produce kids, baby.“ after hearing all these talented children sing which causes Taylor to giggle quietly, cuddle closer to him and daydream about the future.

23. Tay and Joe having these little inside jokes that are literally annoying everyone around them. Wether it’s on a night out with friends or at her parents house for dinner: One look is always enough to make the two burst out in laughter without anyone else getting the joke.

24. Taylor always bending up to him, pressing her face in his neck and kissing his warm skin softly before giving him a long hug.

25. Joe having a light obsession with her hair. He’d play with her ponytail whenever she’s sitting next to him, take every opportunity he can to run his big hands through her hair or kiss her head over her bangs because she just smells too good for him to stay away.

26. Joe and Tay both having these random habits that are a result of spending too much time together. For example, her starting to pick at Joe’s plate in the restaurant and putting some of his food on her plate as soon as the meal has arrived and everyone of her friends and family looking at her with a questioning look while she’d just casually answer with "he doesn’t eat eggplant.“ and Joe thankfully starting to eat his food afterwards.

27. Joe saying random phrases at times, like: „Der kaffee schmeckt koestlich. German. For ‚the coffee is delicious“ while packing his suitcase and her always repeating every single one of his remarks.

28. Joe feeling Tay get a bit jealous deep down inside whenever he talks about a romantic scene he was shooting on set and Taylor acting as if she couldn’t care less.

29. Joe and Tay being not just lovers but best friends. So much, that he even feels comfortable to ask her questions about the female body he always had because growing up with two brothers did not help him to develop a basic knowledge about the female emotions. He’d ask things like “Does it feel weird to have a tampon inside you?“ or "Is it annoying to have to wear a bra in public all the time?” which always makes Taylor laugh.

30. Joe always taking notes in his head about the moves and actions that bring her the most pleasure while making love. Like, every change of position, every pressure on his fingers, every kiss behind her ear that would bring her closer to climax would be saved in the back of his head. And over time, he knows exactly what buttons to push to make her come undone in his hands after only a few minutes.

31. Joe loving to wash her hair whenever they take a shower together

32. Taylor treating him like a baby whenever he’s sick. She’d cook him soup and tea, check on him every ten minutes, put on his favorite movies and mumble a casual “my poor baby.“ while Joe has cuddled his head into her neck and her stroking his scalp while laying in bed with him.

33. Joe convincing her how freeing it feels to sleep naked with nothing on but some underpants and her discovering that feeling of freedom in her bedroom of not having to put on some pyjamas to sleep but instead sleep skin on skin right next to him.

34. Joe feeling depressed all day long whenever he had the pleasure to fall asleep with her in his arms and having to wake up alone because she had to catch an early flight.

35. Joe trying to hide it, but finding it extremely cute whenever she couldn’t sleep at night and wakes up with puffy eyes and little curls all over her head.

36. Taylor always admiring how intelligent and well educated he is whenever he starts to explain her something about the economical outcomes of England becoming independent again and leaving the EU.

37. Taylor being dead serious while telling her mom that her future grandkids are destined to be blonde weirdos with huge foreheads and an indefinable accent.

38. Joe always providing her with her whip cream and chocolate when she’s on her period which leads to Tay mumbling an agitated “thanks for supporting my disgusting eating habits.“ while having her mouth full of whip cream and laying in front of the TV like a pregnant woman.

39. Taylor being super moody somedays and picking stupid fights over every stupid little thing.

40. Joe always being the one to end an argument even though he’s just as stubborn as her, but he simply cannot take a few hours of being in the same house as her and not loving up on her in any way.

41. Taylor discussing with him if “Taylor Alwyn” sounds good or not and Joe confessing to her that he sometimes dreams about introducing her as “Mrs. Alwyn” to strangers.

42. Joe receiving some messages from his family and friends on her birthday saying “Happy Birthday to your girlfriend” and he replied to every single one of them with “What girlfriend?”

43. Taylor fixing his hair almost every morning because the longer it gets, the more he complains.

44. Taylor playing him all the songs she wrote for him on piano while he just sits next to her, listening to her for hours.

45. Joe surprising her on set while Tay is shooting a music video and bringing Andrea and her their favorite Starbucks drinks which gives him extra mother-in-law points.

46. Joe chatting with Andrea while Tay is shooting some scenes and him constantly gushing about how amazing she looks, how nervous she has been all morning and what a talented actress she’d be while Andrea just looks at him in awe, thinking about how in love this guy must be with her daughter.

47. Taylor imitating his accent at times and saying “Baby, would you like some more wootaah?” and him just overhearing it because she starts doing it all the time that he basically got used to it.

48. Joe casually pinching her bum whenever she walks by just to hear her squeak.

49. Joe eating the most sugary and unhealthy chocolate peanut butter cereal for breakfast every morning and Taylor watching him while wondering how he can still be in such a good physical condition without suffering from diabetes or obesity.

50. Joe hating to wake her up in the morning when she’s sick but has to catch a flight to work on some very important and album related things. He’d carefully crawl into bed to her once again and kiss her face at least ten times before whispering a soft “it’s time, baby.” in her ear, pulling her inside his warm arms after hearing her complain already and mumbling “I know, baby. I know. I love you so much.” in her hair to make waking up for her while being super sick just a little better.

[nyanzaya]

Zuo’s birthday

words: 4094

     Zuo was not the type of person to remember important dates. If anything, he would have to constantly be reminded days before and even on the day itself.

     This year, it was no exception.

     His day went on as usual. Roaming the streets. Doing some work and eventually punching someone square in the face for ranting about how much they were in love with someone. Honestly, Zuo didn’t care who they were in love with. They pissed him off and without much control or thought he hit them unprovoked.

     It always happened. Some days he would actually get through it without the struggle of fighting a gang or punching someone because they had pissed him off. It was almost unbelievably that he would constantly find himself harming another human being, but Zuo knew he wasn’t exactly human. As much as he longed to be like everyone else, be normal and not as temperamental it was something he would have to work hard at.

     Of course, finding a place to start was hard so why did it even matter if he worked hard at it when there was so much he had to do about it? Zuo was a hard worker if it was to better everyone else. As long as people liked him the way he was, why change? He could be as erratic, unpredictably and quick-tempered as he wanted. Compared to how he was years ago, he was much calmer. When he was younger anything that moved he considered a threat but nowadays he didn’t see anything as a threat unless of course, someone would actually threaten or attack him first. Even the few who were petty thieves or a small gang that thought they could walk anywhere as if they owned the place were considered threats.

     He went to see his mother, Aiko, today. The feline had to see if perhaps Asher was being troublesome for her or if she was going to ask for Zuo to take him back. Zuo entered the building and walked into her apartment. His ears had perked unsure why it was dark, quickly he took off his sunglasses and pocketed them in his vest.

     Alert now, Zuo walked to the living room. “Mom?”

     Zuo looked around, seeing the kotatsu that shouldn’t be out in the middle of spring. The TV was off and appeared to be an older model. He forgot that his mom wasn’t exactly up to date on technology. Her apartment looked old, but it was one of the newer buildings that were built a few years back. The cream-colored feline heard the small coos and giggles of Asher and saw him crawling towards him when he had turned the corner of the couch.

     “Ah- Asher no!” A whispered cry and trill was heard.

     What was happening? Zuo wanted to start laughing when he saw his mother’s hand appear from behind the couch to try and catch Asher but it was a moment too late.

     The toddler crawled to Zuo’s feet and held onto their pant leg, making a small meow.

     Zuo wasn’t sure how to take that. Asher meowing? What was his mother doing? Meowing at Asher whenever he did something she considered stressful?

     The small child wasn’t a feline like Zuo or his mother. Maybe it was a bad idea to leave Asher with his mother. Regardless, Zuo bent down to pick asher up. “Hey, bud.” He spoke to them, hearing them giggle and reach for his ears.

     A white feline appeared from behind the couch, looking defeated with her ears flat. “He really is such a daddy’s boy if he instantly went to you.” She commented but she couldn’t be that upset. Asher was technically Zuo’s son after all.

     “What were you doing anyway?”

     “I was hoping I could surprise you, but well that didn’t turn out the way I wanted.”

     Zuo’s ears had leaned forward hearing that, despite the fact Asher was tugging at one and had his hair in the other hand. “Surprise me? Why?”

     “Ah?” Her ears perked up. She shouldn’t of been surprised that Zuo wouldn’t have remembered. It wasn’t in his habit to remember what today was. “Hold on, let me get something for you.”

     The cream-colored feline tilted his head. “Alright then, what is it though?” He asked and continued to hold Asher, gently swaying.

     “You’re about to see~” Aiko chimed from the kitchen and after a few minutes she appeared.

     Zuo saw the small lights of a 29 on a fish. His eyes went wide and he went still hearing her starting to sing ‘Happy birthday’ and walk towards him.

     How could he have possibly forgotten about his own birthday?

     Bashful, Zuo had a grin on his face. “You didn’t..” He tried to interrupt Aiko’s singing but she kept singing proudly.

     Once she had finished singing she was in front of Zuo. “Blow out the candles.”

     Truthfully, Zuo didn’t know what to think of it. It had been a while since he had last celebrated his birthday- well of course it had been a while it only came once a year but for the last few years, he had simply forgotten.

     A soft smile was on his face. He brought a hand to rest on Asher’s back, seeing how they were amused by the small light and attempted to reach out for it. The feline laughed at that.

     “I can’t believe I forgot.” Zuo said and blew out the candles.

     “Well, I figured, you know, that you’d want something special at least. It’s been a long time since we celebrated it.” The white feline said, placing the plate of fish on the kotatsu.

     Softly, Zuo purred and leaned forward to bunt his forehead onto Aiko’s. “Thank you. You don’t know how happy this makes me.”

     Aiko pulled away and licked at her kitten’s ears, lightly grooming them before she twirled away and cupped her hands, “Sit down! Sit! Let’s eat this.”

     Zuo laughed seeing how excitable she had gotten at being thanked and did as she asked. He sat Asher on his lap and seeing his mother bring a pair of chopsticks and a knife and handing them over, Zuo took them.

     “The one who’s being celebrated gets the first piece.” She said watching Zuo cut into the fish as she went to sit down.

     He put his hands together, “Thank you for the meal.” Then he cut the fish in half. He picked up his half with his chopsticks, while his mother picked up her half with her hand.

     They ate the fish quickly finishing it off and cleaned the meat off of the bones.

     Asher had crawled out of Zuo’s lap as he ate, crawling around to explore Aiko’s apartment, even if he had seen it already.

     Aiko watched Asher crawl around the room, “How have you been doing lately?”

     Zuo was also watching Asher until his mother had spoken up and turned his attention to her. “Lately? The same as always I guess. Gettin’ pissed off, punching a guy in the face…” He brought a hand to his neck, knowing that she wouldn’t be pleased hearing something like that.

     The white feline gave a soft smile. “Is there something else that’s wrong? It’s not like you to punch someone in the face just because you got mad, sweetheart.”

     His ear twitched at how gentle the words were but who knew him better than his mother? She was right, something else was grating on his nerves and made him angry.

     “Is it Izzy?”

     Zuo flinched. Was it because of Iza? “I mean… I guess. He keeps doing something stupid and cause trouble for me.”

     “Maybe he just wants your attention. I know you both aren’t...together anymore but maybe it’s not so bad to see him every once in a while.”

     “That’s a bad idea. He’d just make me mad because that’s what he always does.”

     “Oh, you know that’s not true. You used to be so happy when you and him were together.”

     Aiko wasn’t wrong. When they were together everything felt right and that they were doing something for the better of everyone. The ex-lovers knew that they had the same goal even if their way of achieving the goal was in completely different directions, they could still help one another.

     Iza could gather up the information and Zuo could be the man-power. Often, Iza dealt with the people underground and Zuo dealt with the people above ground. It wasn’t hard to split the work they both did and Zuo did just almost everything Iza would ask. Of course, recently, he had found the black feline to be of annoyance with how they would start trouble above ground for the fun of it.

     That was Zuo’s turf and for Iza to cross into it was seen as invitation for fight. Often times, Zuo would find Iza on his turf and from there they would engage in a scuffle. It ended with Iza getting away with a few scratched and torn clothes while Zuo was left with blade marks, seeping small amounts of blood and torn clothes as well. There had been a few times where Zuo would win, overpower the black feline immensely and injure them; as there had been times Iza would win and over power the cream-colored feline, but those times were not often and required careful thought and critical planning.

     “Yeah… but, you know, things change and stuff like that.” Zuo vaguely explained and Aiko could only nod.

     “Well, I’m sure you and him will come back together again. Maybe not in the way you want but from back then it looked like you both needed each other.”

     The cream-colored feline gave a sign, until he heard the sound of clattering from the kitchen.

     Aiko instantly jumped up and went to the kitchen.

     Suddenly there was a crash of glass.

     “My china!” She cried, picking up Asher.

     Zuo got up quickly and rushed to the kitchen. “Ah, fuck, is he okay?”

     Aiko inspected Asher, who was crying. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” She purred to him. “No, I think he’s okay, but my cup isn’t.”

     The cream-colored feline started picking up the large bits of the broken cup, going to the trash can to toss the ceramic. “Do you want me to take Asher with me when I leave?”

     “Oh, no it’s okay. He’s such a joy to have around it makes me feel young again.” The white feline said bunting her forehead onto Asher’s head, trying to calm him down. “I don’t mind accidents like these. Normally, he’s well behaved and he kinda does remind me of you when you were a baby his age.” She gave a soft laugh at the thought. Sure, they may have been on the streets for a while, but even then when Zuo was around Asher’s age he was just as adventurous and curious.

     Zuo’s ears turned to the side in embarrassment, picking up the broom and the dust pan to brush the rest of the broken cup onto it and once it was on the dust pan he pick it up and carried it to the trash to throw it away, “Alright, well if you ever want me to take him off your hands you know how to reach me or where I live.”

     Asher had calmed down, having one of his thumb in his mouth. Aiko opened a drawer to get a pacifier. “I know, but you don’t have to worry about me or him. It’s not like I’m going anywhere any time soon.”

     “I’m just reminding you is all.” Zuo said as Asher yawned.

     “Ah, I guess he’s tired now, huh?” Aiko softly laughed, watching how Asher’s eyes were started to flutter closed until he tired to keep himself awake.

     “You can go put him to bed, I think it’s about time I go.”

     “Ooh, well alright. You are busy after all. I’m glad you came over today.”

     Zuo gave a soft smile, “Yeah, me too. I’ll try to visit more, ‘kay?”

     “Please do, I think it’ll make Asher happy to see you more, since you are his dad.”

     “I’ll take him back next week. I should spend more time with him.” Zuo mused. It did sound like it would be a good idea to spend more time with Asher and tend to them. He didn’t want to put all of the responsibility on his mother.

     “That’ll be perfect. It’ll give me time to recharge and be ready for more of his little shenanigans.” Aiko said and walked toward Zuo to bunt her forehead onto his, finding it to be difficult considering her son was much taller than she was but Zuo leaned down.

     “Okay, I’ll see you Monday to take Asher off your hands then.”

     The white feline gave a hum, “Yeah, I’ll see you later then.”

     With that Zuo watched Aiko take Asher, who had fallen asleep against her shoulder to another room. He left the apartment and didn’t realize how long he had spent at his mother’s but he couldn’t get mad about it. Lately, he hadn’t gotten to see her as much as he wanted and he was hoping to change that soon, though; he could recall someone else who hadn’t seen his mother in a few months.

     It was almost strange that he couldn’t pick up their scent when he walked into or out of her apartment but who was he to tell Iza what to do with his time anyway? He knew that the black feline and his mother were close, in fact, Zuo was sure Iza accepted her as his own mother. Some part of Zuo felt bad for Iza. They didn’t know their parents, yet; he still claimed that it didn’t matter if he knew them or not but the cream-colored feline knew that to not be true.

     Zuo walked down the street in thought, not paying attention to the people around him. He was thinking about Iza and some part of him did miss the black feline. Missed when he would whine when he didn’t get their way, or how Iza would calm down whenever he picked them up and cradled them. He missed how Iza would come to him and bunt their forehead onto his or groom his ears, despite the fact that Zuo would give low growls about it. He missed their soft touch and how vulnerable they could be if given enough time and patience, but even then some matters had to be pressed even if it would make the black feline cry.

     The cream-colored feline didn’t register the fact someone had greeted him as he kept walking down the street to his apartment. He was looking at his feet as he walked. Zuo knew he shouldn’t miss Iza that way. He knew that they were the one that broke his heart.

     Unbeknownst to Zuo, Iza had done it for a different reason than the one he had told to Zuo but it was unlikely Iza would ever come clean with it.

     Perhaps being broken hearted was what made him see all the wrongs that Iza had made him do and how his sense of justice had come to be. It was all in the name of keeping Iza in check and under control. If the black feline were allowed to do as he pleased, then that would be havoc for the city and its people.

     The cream-colored feline had made it to his apartment. Walking up the stairs to get to his door he was still lost in few thoughts, but he figured it shouldn’t matter. It was better to not think about that bastard anyway. They didn’t deserve any of the love or attention Zuo had offered so long ago. Love that was frankly taken advantage of. Besides, it was his birthday. It wasn’t like Iza would ever remember something as small and insignificant as that.

     Though, Zuo thought too soon, he saw a box that was neatly wrapped. It was a gift from the looks of it and without much thought Zuo bent down to pick it up. Already he could smell Iza’s scent, the smell of it alone made his eye twitch. With a small growl, Zuo opened his door and tossed the box on the table. He wasn’t going to give into the temptation to open it. If he did, he was sure he’d have to owe that bastard something and he refused.

     Zuo was done with that life. He couldn’t go back to doing Iza’s bidding, even if it had been out of devotion years ago. Why Iza even bothered him always grated on his nerves to think about. It wasn’t as if someone like Iza loved him.

     With a huff, Zuo brushed his hand through his hair. Truly, it was annoying to think about Iza. He couldn’t lie to himself and say that he didn’t care about them when really, he did care. A part of him still wanted something more with them but it was hard to discern whether it was from his heart or from the nostalgic and loving memories that surfaced.

     “What are you doing?” It was softly laughed.

     “Distracting you.”

     “Ehh? Zuu-chan, please I’m trying to work.”

     A huff. “You work too much. It can wait can’t it.” Zuo spoke. He was holding Iza from behind, his arms around their middle, nuzzling into the black feline’s neck. “C’mon, we should go outside.”

     Iza laughed, bringing a free hand up to Zuo’s cheek, caressing the skin before he turned his head to press a kiss onto Zuo’s face. “Maybe in a few minutes, ne?”

     “You’re so stupid.” The cream-colored feline purred, pressing a kiss onto Iza’s face in return of the affection.

     As Zuo remembered, a pain struck at his chest. He gritted his teeth. His fist was clenched tight. Anger was on the rise.

     Iza laughed.

     And laughed before abruptly, he stopped. He gave a side-glance to the pole that had embedded itself in the wall, grinning. “Tom, just give into your true nature already. This-” He gestured to the fallen men before himself. “This is what you’re meant to do. Don’t you get it? Together, you and I could actually change something. Isn’t that what yo-”

     “Shut up! This- this isn’t what I fucking want. It’s what you want.” Zuo spat, the fur on his tail was fluffed, his ears laid back in defensiveness.

     These men Iza gestured to wasn’t the work of Zuo.

     The iron in the air wasn’t the fault of Zuo.

     It was Iza that drew blood and he was covered in it. The tips of his ears to the tip of his tail. He wasn’t drenched but it was easy to tell that the blood on his clothing didn’t belong to him.

     “Don’t shift this...this shit on to me. You did it.”

     Iza’s ears twitched. Rejection was a bitter taste. “I’m doing you a favor, Dear. Isn’t the scent wonderful? It tells us that we are survivors. So, why don’t you draw some blood as well?”

     A light flickered and suddenly Zuo felt a pain on his cheek. His brows furrowed. Iza flung a blade at him. The smell of iron further increased his rage. He didn’t want to return to being a brawler. Zuo was done being a gladiator for the entertainment of others and he sure as hell was not going to give into what Iza wanted. He brought a hand to his wounded cheek before he looked at his hand. Zuo saw the blood on his fingers.

     “Enough..” He spoke softly, his hand was shaking.

     Iza was quiet, watching Zuo. “Enough? Enough of what? This is the only way.”

      “How is this the only way?” Zuo’s closed his blood-tipped hand, as if to show his resolve on the situation.

     The black feline paced, taking a blade out of his pocket and twirled it between his fingers. “How? Haven’t you heard of the saying: ‘an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth?’ To allow these...humans to continue to use us and further lower our quality of life and longevity would be horrendous, no? We are just as capable as they are.”

     “Fuck off with your ‘we’ shit! There is no ‘we’. It’s just you against everyone else.” Zuo growled, flexing his hands before he brought them together to crack his knuckles.

     Iza stopped pacing taking in Zuo’s words. No we? He understood now. Even Zuo was an enemy of his now. This feeling in his chest hurt. It hurt to feel how Zuo rejected him. They were together, though Iza supposed that was impossible. There was a sting at his eyes but he wasn’t going to let Zuo see him fall into tears. Without thinking, Iza flung his knife. He almost missed his target, but his blade had impaled itself in Zuo’s shoulder.

     “Well, well. If there is no ‘we’ then there can never be an ‘us’.”

     Zuo knew Iza twisted his words. That wasn’t what he meant but if that’s what Iza saw, then all he could do now was to stop them from this senseless killing.

     These were innocent people. All Zuo saw in front of him was someone who was crazed, lusting after more bloodshed. Someone who, Zuo was fond of. It hurt to see Iza turn into someone he didn’t know, or perhaps he had known who he was all along but had never seen it from a different perspective. Perhaps, Zuo had tolerated this behavior until it was too much.

     How could he save them?

     The cream-colored feline pulled the knife from his shoulder. “You threw your knife at me. So, I’ll assume you meant to hit a pressure point. That’s what you do, huh? So, that means you wanted to disable me to kill me then, huh?”

     Iza’s ears leaned back.

     Zuo brought his other hand to the other side of the blade, snapping it in half before dropping it to the floor. Another solid resolve. Zuo was going to be the one to stop Iza. He had to be. To let the black feline running wild with power? He understood now that Iza couldn’t handle the power; the rush of the high of being on top of the world.

     Zuo would bring them back to earth. Even if it meant that this was their fate: To fight and oppose each other until the end.

     Iza furrowed his brows when his blade was snapped. He would never be afraid of Zuo. The black feline thought of them as something beautiful, worth praising and keeping. Iza knew Zuo was powerful and he wanted to use that power. Was it shallow of him? Perhaps but he needed it. Iza needed Zuo.

     Iza laughed out loud again, raising yet another blade. “That’s exactly what I wanted to do.” He lied. “If you look so determined to stop me, then come after me.” Iza threw his blade before he turned in his heels to dash away.

     Zuo’s fur stood on end again hearing Iza say that. Feeling the blade bite into his leg, he roared before he chased after him Zuo punched the wall holding his weapon, the pole that he had thrown before.

     Once that was in hand, he chased after his lost love.

     “Ah…” His table was broken. Zuo didn’t realize he had snapped it in half. He pulled out his catnip cigarettes, craving for a wave of calm. With the stick between his lips he lit it and inhaled, closing his eyes before he finally exhaled.

     Better. Everything was okay now.

     He looked at the table he had broken. The gift was still intact surprisingly. Zuo picked up it. He may as well open it considering how much trouble it had caused him.

     The feline ripped it open and popped open the box to find a card and a ring and quickly Zuo found he could open it up and turn it into a sphere. There were inscriptions and astrology signs. He then read the card.

[I still believe in fate. Do you? This was meant to be, even if it’s...bitter. Happy Birthday, Zuo                                                                                                           -- Iza]

     Maybe there was still chance. Zuo did believe in fate and past lives. If this was how they ended up, perhaps it was always how it was meant to be. They were fated to be on oppositions. If The Scales and The Ram had anything to do with how clear their oppositions where, Zuo wouldn’t know what would show it off any better than that.