#while the other two kind of get nothing
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Okay but why is it that D-16 gets to have a giant fusion cannon, B-127 gets Energon knife hands, Optimus at least gets an Energon axe and flamethrowers, but Elita doesn't get anything other than like, wheels on her feet? Which aren't really a built-in weapon like the other three, just her vehicle wheels
Kind of unfair honestly
#I think I saw someone talk about how B and D get built in weapons#while at this point also being the most impulsive and violence prone#while the other two kind of get nothing#it was as a joke but also legitimately kind of lame for those two#and at least Orion gets this solved when he becomes Optimus#but Elita still has the short end of the stick here#she needs some built in weapons not just an external blaster#transformers#transformers one#d 16#megatron#b 127#orion pax#optimus prime#elita 1
81 notes
·
View notes
Note
So.... what are your thoughts on Ace's UM, if you haven't been asked this already?
sneaky magic for the sneakiest boy
no but really, I think it fits him really well! I had thought his UM would probably involve something kinda sleight-of-handy or pickpockety! and I looooved that it made such a nice loop-around back to episode 1. ❤️ I was. kind of half-expecting him to just run out and punch Riddle in the nose again. but instead this time 'twas he who offed the queen's head! it was great! and he did it while stone-cold terrified out of his mind! because Ace is the only remotely normal or well-adjusted person at NRC and therefore the only one who is like "we're going to literally die, this is super effed up". but he did it anyway!!!! I AM SO PROUD
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 12 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 12 spoilers#also love how it complements deuce's magic! they are two of a kind ❤️♠️#i do think bet the limit fits the 'uno reverse card' description more though#like...okay they haven't really said much on how joker snatch works#(literally ace went 'we'll talk about it later')#but i think it's not supposed to be inherently retaliatory if that makes sense#the japanese is something like 'put an ace up my sleeve'#which implies to me that it's not really an in-the-moment thing? i think he can steal it and hold on to it for a while probably#like he might be able to snatch it and then use it on someone else later rather than it being reflected back on the original caster#versus deuce's being that he punches you back with your own punch (and/or other various punches he's acquired)#(a connoisseur of fine punches)#i am 100% guessing though so who knows! we will find out later i presume#now the only one left to get their um is grim maybe 👀#(i mean i would also love to see some staff ums HEY TWST THAT WOULD BE COOL)#(but like. narratively speaking and all)#oh and maybe crowley's depending on how plot-important he actually ends up being#what if it turns out nothing's going on with crowley and he's actually completely irrelevant#he tears his mask off and he's just some random dude who has zero idea of what's happening#nobody's been orchestrating shit#everyone's just been getting radioactive poisoning from the stone adeuce replaced in the chandelier back in the prologue#this was all a cautionary tale about getting the blot levels in your school's hvac system regularly checked
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Don't mind me, just slacking on a big Billford comic by making other far more ridiculous Billford comics and also some AU art (please excuse my slapdash human!Bill thank you please, also before anyone asks the art style is messy and all over the place because idgaf LOL)
This started out as an excuse to design a Bill Cipher-inspired "wedding" dress, but then spiraled wildly out of control. Various rambles and a bunch more human!Bill arts under the cut, including another silly little comic at the end! (Feel free to skip the rambles, I won't be offended. I know I'm bad at shutting up. XD)
I may or may not write some comedy stuff for this AU, which I'm calling 'For Better Or Worse (But Mostly Worse)'. While Ford DOES remember getting sloshed enough for one thing to lead to making out with another after karaoke, neither he nor Bill remember this wedding, At All. The Love God did nothing to dissuade them from going hog wild on their marriage spending, either, so it got...uh. Exorbitantly Expensive. As in, the grand total could probably buy the entire fucking MOON sort of expensive. (It's fine, don't worry, Bill's good enough at crime to be able to afford it.) Also, because the logic of this AU is mostly dictated by Rule of Funny, the Love God's powers are close to unlimited when it comes to matters of romance, but ONLY when it comes to matters of romance. (Like weddings!)
Want an empty human vessel to smash the soul of a triangle into for date nights or when it's convenient, or perhaps even when it's NOT convenient? Easy peasy! Want the marriage to be recognized in every corner of the multiverse from now until the end of time, thus making any potential future divorce nigh-on impossible? Can do! Want to buy an entire beach for the ceremony and honeymoon and in general, and totally not at all because it would be Super Hilarious to prevent any specific movies from being made on that very same beach in the future? Fine, whatever, it's not his finances he's ruining!
Does the Love God also provide special rings that just so happen to turn incorporeal as long as the "happy couple" doesn't remember that they barged into his dreams to bully him into presiding over their marriage? ...No comment!
He spends the next thirty years trying and failing to get in touch with either of them for payment. This is why you should always demand half the money up front, my guy!
Also it's absolutely a traditional Jewish wedding, because I like the idea of Bill demanding all the keepsakes from the marriage that he paid for, and being completely confused when one of the things he's handed is a fancy container full of broken glass. He gets it later, but in the moment, he thinks the Love God is just fucking with him some more.
Ramble over! Here's the full dress that caused the comic to happen, along with what Ford wound up wearing at the wedding (and begrudgingly agreeing to put on again later for Reasons), aaaaand also a close-up of Bill's ring:
I may have forgotten to draw Bill's hair floofier when drawing the back of the dress, lmao
Since double ring ceremonies have been leaking over into Jewish wedding customs for a while now, Ford also has a ring, but his is the much more traditional plain gold band. There's definitely a message engraved on the inside - embarrassing, cringe, or incriminating somehow - but I haven't decided what it is yet, so use your imagination for now. XD Bill, on the other hand, saw the phrase 'traditional plain gold band' and said "No Thank You" before proceeding to embellish his ring to his liking. And because he's a secret sap who adores Ford's extra fingers, the triangle points add up to twelve, as do the engraved stars. Yes, they're stars, not dots, I just got lazy. There's also six lashes on the eye gem, and probably an eye engraving on the inside with another six lashes. (Bill's got it BAD, okay? We all know this.)
Here are the initial scribbles of Bill's custom vessel in more casual attire, please ignore the wonky anatomy and the fact that I flat out refuse to ever draw him with a proper top hat:
He does actually need a cane in this vessel; since Bill tends to possess men and especially Ford more often than not, he's used to having a higher center of gravity when in a human body, so his ability to balance is pretty garbage. (He may or may not topple over with concerning regularity.) As for his empty eye socket, his bangs don't do much to hide it since he's so high-energy (dude is constantly on the move), and he also refuses to wear a patch over it, because 1.) why bother, and 2.) it's more fun to freak people out.
To better align with Ford's attraction towards the strange, the vessel was designed with super minor shapeshifting ability - Bill can look like a perfectly normal human, but he can also make the teeth and fingers sharper whenever he likes (which is mostly just when he's angry or being more of a menace than usual), as well as slit down the pupils or outright ditch the irises altogether. He can also have whatever he wants in the downstairs department, just because I'm an indecisive bitch on that front, lmao. Maybe he can have boobs if he wants them, too, but I ain't drawin' tits on no triangle, nuh-uh, no sir. His powers are otherwise limited down to what humans can do, because for some reason, the Love God doesn't trust Bill to not snap into Immediate Apocalypse Mode if he's given a physical form that's actually all his and no one else's.
Due to the body being all his and no one else's, it's also not really a standard possession so much as it is just...Bill being temporarily human. He's a lot more aware of and in tune with his human body's senses than he ever was with his "puppets", which makes things like pain a lot more intense. (He is mostly fine with this, because he's a fukken masochist.)
A bit more fashion stuff, including beach and party attire~
The beach outfit was mostly me trying and failing to nail down his body shape, which is still not bottom-heavy enough. I then decided to slap a bikini on it, before making it supremely unsexy with a pair of fugly shorts, because Bill's fashion choices are not allowed to be conventionally attractive. Meanwhile, the party outfit was mostly me looking at the casual attire I designed, asking 'how would Bill make this Worse', and then drawing the result. The mismatched thigh-highs are killing me inside! :D
No, his vessel can't actually summon fire, I just drew it for funzies before I decided on said vessel's limitations. Yes, the gold brick tattoos are absolutely a reference to the fic 'Knowing Me, Knowing You' - I simply could not resist.
I also HAD to draw Bill in one of his canonical(?) shirts, just made tank-top'd:
He is absolutely about to over-correct and fall backwards after this. USE YOUR CANE, GOOFBALL!!! (I meant to draw Bill closer to this degree of bottom-heavy in the other images, but. Alas. I am bad at anatomy, LOL)
And, last but not least before More Comic Time, I attempted to draw him closer to Gravity Falls style:
Jury's out on whether or not I succeeded, but - hey. I tried. Now have some Handyman Bill AU, but with my goofy human design, instead:
Hey, it's a 'mystery snack', and the guy wanted A BITE to eat - the joke was right there, guys!!! (Based on this post, because it just screamed BILL CIPHER to me.)
whoops i forgor bills ring and cracks ahaha too late now
I WILL SHUT UP AND STOP RAMBLING NOW K THX BYYYYYE
#fanart#gravity falls#billford#bill cipher#stanford pines#stanley pines#the love god#human bill cipher#human bill design#fashion design#comics#poor stan gets to find out his twin boinked a triangle when the love god shows up at the mystery shack demanding payment LMAO#cue internal panic for stan as dipper and mabel lose their collective shit over the fact that they now have a surprise new grunkle bill#the love god helps himself get paid by teaching the kids how to trap bill in his human vessel for the foreseeable future#bill is bewildered and pissed but also very much 'holy shit i have a FAMILY again??? neat but terrifying??????? what the F*CK do i do now'#he then proceeds to attempt to lovebomb his new family into being okay with the impending apocalypse#all while the three of them attempt to lovebomb HIM into giving up his plans for said impending apocalypse#then two days later ford shows up and is just like. what the ACTUAL F*CK IS HAPPENING???#cue stan immediately screaming 'I HAD TO PRETEND TO BE THAT THING'S HUSBAND FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT SO F*CK YOU AND YOUR BAD TASTE FOR THAT!'#stan spends those two days straight dropping very sour hints that he's being punished for someone else's terrible mistakes#bill finds this absolutely hilarious and thus plays along - but not without dropping his own hints that ford is the FAR superior twin#dipper and mabel have ZERO idea of what is actually going on because the love god did NOTHING to clarify the situation#dipper is convinced that stan and bill are speaking in some kind of bizarre code that only adults can understand#mabel is convinced that the code is flirting - which means stan and bill are going to live happily ever after and have tons of kids + pets#NEITHER of them are prepared for ford showing up. not that they were in canon. but still. now it's even MORE crazy#'what do you mean we get TWO NEW GRUNKLES???' 'two grunkles in two days - gotta be some kinda record'#ford then has to decide if he wants to remain justifiably furious at bill or join the other pines in lovebombing him into submission#he then gets to learn that lovebombing bill works surprisingly well because that triangle is just The Biggest Attention Wh*re#the entire AU would just be ridiculous antics with a splash of billford#these tags are an abomination lmao
212 notes
·
View notes
Text
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f18b815b50fe07fd7a5f7839333435cb/7b1fec2d0336c03b-2f/s540x810/7f914a95d06ad479853cc57bc5c5fcc09332f8e9.jpg)
“You know, Damian’s half convinced you let it happen.” Tim scoffs. “Sounds like him.” “Not like that. He’s different now, he wouldn’t say that.” “What the hell else am I supposed to think?” “You confronted Azrael alone, in civvies, after he’d already beaten you up once just for getting in his way. Is it that much of a stretch for Damian to think you might have had a death wish?” “I didn’t have a death wish.” Steph gives him a long look. "Sure."
missed posting my annual november reverse robins timsteph angst so to make up for it here's an even angstier than usual painting from this AU <3 more coming soon hopefully!!
#tim drake#reverse robins#ev sketches#tw implied suicide#(in the knowingly putting yourself in a very very dangerous situation but not consciously or personally killing yourself kind of way)#if i had the skill and the motivation this was gonna be two panels bc this is what damian discovers when he books it to the cave#he and tim bond for the first time when tim is like all of my friends and family are dead you are literally my last choice.#but can you help me with this azrael thing. do NOT tell bruce he wants to retire and i can't take that from him.#trying to shield him from this has nothing to do with my dad very recently dying because of me being a vigilante btw.#and damian's like this is a bad idea and he's very obviously unwell and injured and we do hate each other but like. yeah. fuck bruce rn.#he literally hired this insane person to be interrim batman over me so yeah sure let's team up.#and then they hang out for a while and having a common enemy is awesome and bitching about bruce to someone who gets it is kind of. great?#and damian's like wow maybe it's not too late to have a relationship with this kid (my future brother????)#so they make plans to stop azrael and fix everything without even calling bruce once and they're like wow we make a good team!#like a day before they put that plan in action azbats kills someone very publicly#and damian is like oh god tim (very mentally ill) is about to do something so stupid.#and he is! but damian is in bludhaven when he hears the news so. too late. :(#when tim gets resurrected he's blind in one eye (azrael's sword) and can't always breathe right (died from blood in lungs)#he does not get the jason lazarus pit dunk 😔#at least not right away 😈#rr tag
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
with all these gaston crackships/rarepairs that are coming out lately it would be so fucking funny if he had a flig with all the main characters (ambar, nina, simon... hell luna too if you want) and they all know it except matteo
#mf would feel so betrayed once he finds out#and not because he's jealous or anything - or maybe yes (they kinda have a vibe between them if you get what i mean)#mainly because his best friend didn't tell him#gaston would 100% use “you didn't ask” with a shit-eating grin while shrugging his shoulder#he would have the time of his life making fun of matteo reaction lol#and matteo would also lowkey be insecure (understandable because gaston was probably a better boyfriend for all those people [real])#[from here on i'm gonna yap but like... YAP - get ready]#type of flings/situationships/whatever i think he had:#LUNA/GASTON : [barely a fling/ a kinda relationship (?)] - them just trying it out for the hell of it#they had a lot of fun and it strengthened their friendship#they never talk about it unless they're sure that they're by themselves#gaston sometimes reminiscences about it in front of others(to make luna panic/embarass)but in such a vague enough way that they don't get i#it always comes off as them play-fighting#it either happened before he and nina got together (which is what i'm running with for this post) or they did it after she left#because they were the closest to her and were the only people that could understand what it meant to lose nina#(luna also dated her in the past by this point)#GASTON/NINA: [literally canon and one of the main ships] so i don't have to explain it i guess#GASTON/SIMON: [was a “they were all in their feelings” during those moments - kind of deal]#that scene i reposted the other day is a good way to pinpoint when they started to actually eye eachothers /put a start to what they had#it ended two or three months later - don't know who put an end to it between them#but it wasn't a problem because they both had something else they wanted to focus on more - they're extremely chill about this#GASTON/AMBAR: [kinda the same - got to know eachother when they were kids and became extremely close (even tho it took A BIT since#even if gaston came from a good family ambar was still as standoffish as now (and also a bit shy even if she wouldn't admit it)]#gaston was the one that did the first step#at that point ambar actually never stopped to think about dating in general but especially him#but the idea of losing him as a friend for something so stupid as a relationship terrified her#he reassured her that whatever happened nothing between them would've changed#which was real but also not really#they ended up breaking up a year and a half later and became a bit awkward around eachothers for a bit (mostly because of ambar)#they're still cordial with eachothers
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/8411655892c480567d0435215d3357d8/39e1596ecb9c1ca1-b2/s540x810/2344a4411fd145bda4ef9e1d8120b42973476efe.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4072389e442e7752c38b2de7c1df5a8a/39e1596ecb9c1ca1-53/s540x810/bb0dfa71ef82b683b46d62ece1c85b8923c79045.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/67babb7787b83ac234094e2320df09ed/39e1596ecb9c1ca1-65/s540x810/c932ed4c0c2c129c77723e979c66491c21bcccb9.jpg)
I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent
#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little#bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the#very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the#house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks#Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a#gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a#treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of#color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration#like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a#auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies#so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk#and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver#but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and#sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an#active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have#been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start#to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've#done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks#with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm#secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool#stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers#me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or#it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for#too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been#investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely#enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed#google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj#LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!
50 notes
·
View notes
Text
Workforce Tuvok is my cringefail babygirl
#why are you a Vulcan suffering from dysphoria syndrome?? So you can get held down by other men???#I really want to know what 'humorous anecdotes' he had to share.....I love him so much#I love that without his Vulcan discipline he becomes even more clearly annoying <3<3 explaining a joke TO the guy who TOLD IT to him#+ laughing SUPER hard at someone else being 'humiliated'#Also Janeway looooves being romantically quirky in an old romance movie way and idk how else to describe it#Neelix: If I had a tarynian nickle for everytime I had to rehabilitate a friend who'd lost all their memories I'd have two nickles#which isn't a lot but-#st voyager memes#bea art tag#OH! Janeway seems like she's two seconds away from swinging herself around a lamp post in the rain with a dazzling smile on her face#Workforce Tuvok (and thus normal Tuvok) contains so many multitudes...he is SO friendly he is VERY annoying he is SCARED of needles#he is OFF putting and PUSHY and he is KIND <3#He seems like if I made a mistake he'd VERY loudly laugh and point it out but also help me correct it while telling a story about himself#Literally a CRIME that Tuvok and Neelix didn't interact in this ep they would've become buds#another crime is that Tuvok does nothing in the second half of the episode v_v not even a little 'ribbon scene' at the end#Janeway: Thank you so much Chakotay and only Chakotay for helping get us all out of there <3#Tuvok in the background: ..........................................................................................#the 'ribbon scene' would have been between him and Seven - she completed the research he started v_v
81 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#god my life is so fucking over im stuck and no matter how much i fight i cant get out#i gave up and even that is fucking exhausting. i live in fear every fucking day#i have no calm moments. i cant be at ease. i cant enjoy a moment. because it gets bad . and then worse#it always does i never have one decent thing happen to me before another horrible shitshow crashes down on me right after#im fully alone i cant speak to anyone about it literally nobody gives a fuck im going insane and im actually nuts#i send a perfect fucking cv with a cover letter and im literally all theyre looking for and i get not even a fucking “kys we dont want you”#radio fucking silence from every fucking place ever. all i want is to LEAVE THIS FUCKING JOB#literally nothing else matters at this point just let me the fuck out#every single day every single hour something is wrong something is fucked i fucked it up or someone else did and i get blamed#im vulnerable and kickable is that it. im a fucking wet blanket that you can spit on as you please and have a power trip is that it#i spent all my fucking life having empathy for people who dont fucking deserve it. doing things for people who wouldnt do the same for me#sacrificing myself and my own wellbeing for a fuckwad who doesnt even care if i live or die#and every single day i wake up and cant change it. i go work the most hours for the least money possible#and i get kicked for it. i get shit on. i get mistreated. and every once in a while some kind of MAJOR BULLSHIT happens#and every time im the one that gets blamed and degraded for it. mind you i didnt fucking do anything#ive done nothing but my best ive given and sacrificed myself senselessly because im the fucking idiot for not leaving when i coulf#and when i say i want to resign i get everyone suddenly go “no you cant#you must make money. you must keep suffering. you must keep getting degraded. we do not care if youre uncomfortable and suicidal#we dont care if its killing you because we cant see it. we can fully ignore your suffering because its not visible!#ive gone past the fucking breaking point. i always think it cant get lower but it does. every time im astonished to see it does get even .#fucking. WORSE. every time. no exceptions.#i cant ask for help noone can help i cant even help myself anymore. i cant cope. i cant mask at work anymore. and yet i feel guilt#guilty that im a worthless nobody whose only positive purpose in life is to be everybodys fucking doormat so they can get off#on being shit and horrible to me#im haunted by the same fucking nightmares of one fucking person because they made me feel loved briefly for about a month or two#that was my only time i felt maybe i could get better. and then they fucking left me and now im lower and getting lower with every day#i dont know how long ive got left. im not sure i care anymore. not keeping on living for a hpyerfixation or a hobby anymore.#none of it brings me joy anymore. not even the slightest bit of comfort. everything stings and hurts and im shriveled up and empty#am i the only person who thinks of other people ?? am i the only person in the world whos never thought of#teach me how to not care for others. teach me how to be a slefish piece of shit. the type that thrives in this godforsaken hellhole world
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think actually the funniest case of my doctors being mildly incompetent is the fact that not a single doctor has cared or found it all that strange that i just randomly break out in hives for seemingly no reason and have been since 2019
#thoughts#i did eventually get prescribed two medications that have helped stopped it from happening#thinking about the blood tests i got for OTHER reasons while i was not taking medication where my wbc count was always high#does nobody else think its weird that my body has been always having an allergic reaction of some kind for the last 6 years orrrrr#now that im on medication and it doesnt happen nearly as often i get so paranoid whenever i get a really strong itch#me ripping my shirt sleeve up so aggressively last night and inspecting my bicep for 10 minutes because i was a little itchy#tbh at thjs point i have accepted theres probably nothing i can do to make it stop without medication but i wish i knew why it happens
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
being mentally ill is so cool
#i cried the entire night because i felt unloved and abandoned while literally sleeping in the same room as two of my friends#who i have been hanging out with for the last 3 days#and i am full aware i am being looked after and cared about but currently i want to do nothing other than lay in bed and think about kms#and scratched the shit out of my neck somehow#it feels like a personal slight agaknst me whenever i dont get the right kind of attention and like everything is#sending me into a more depressed mood#and i dont want to bring anything up bc i dont want to kill the vibe so im trying to bottle it up but i know once i get home#i am gping to have a massive meltdown#and im thinking about how to prevent myself from launching myself from one end of the spectrum of 'best friends' to#'i never want to fucking hear about them again'#through no fault of theor own but holy shit im lkke going through it#i want to be held and cry and be told no im not an unlovable freak whos only at best second place or worse to everyone and everything else#bc currently sure feeling like absolute shit that is making me genuinely suicidal idk how to stress how fucking much i hate myself rn#sorry for posting it here i dont want them to see it if i put it somewhere else 👍
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okay time for me to 🥰 in the tags real quick lmao
#not snz#okay so first of all i had thought i was gonna be trapped at the station again bc i got released but didn't trust myself to drive#so all of us who were staying overnight decided to make hotdogs but they were fucking arguing about how we were gonna heat them up??#like three of us were just sitting there starving in the cold while everyone else was fighting lmao#so i was like 😩 and called him while we were waiting for them to just pick a heating option#at which point several people had me put him on speaker to say hey and invite him to eat fucking hotdogs with us#i think it's been too long since most of us have had any outside interaction ahdkaksk#so he agreed to come and brought his roommates???? like just for funsies??????? idk i guess they really wanted some cheap ass hotdogs#and i hadn't seen him in over two weeks so i was vibrating lmao#okay and he's kind of a grumpy bitch lowkey but he doesn't shy away from like casually putting an arm around me or holding my hand so 🥺#so i hugged him when i saw him but then he went to hold my hand and was like 😨 bc they were ✨️ cold af ✨️#so he promptly grabbed my other hand and then just looked at them for a sec and asked if i was alright lmao#not an uncommon occurrence unfortunately lmao everybody grabs my hands when they start looking weird ahdmkaks we love raynaud's#but it still makes me soft when he expresses concern so 🥰#anyway so we all ate and just generally vibed for a while before people started head off to sleep#so his roommates took the car back and he drove my car so i could leave instead of having to stay overnight again lmao#and the hot water heater at the station ain't shit so the relief i felt taking a hot shower was immense lmao#especially after nearly freezing to desth in the rain ahdkkaks#anyway so then we just cuddled and watched shows on his laptop 🥰#and then obviously we slept bc it was fucking late as shit and i was ✨️ tired ✨️#but I'm a light sleeper so i woke up when he started moving around and setting up his laptop#and he gave me this little smile and ruffled my hair a little and told me to go back to sleep#fucking domestic as shit 😩🥺#also i feel like maybe i should share more things that have happened between us prior to dating#bc i swear nothing is progressing as quick as i feel my posts make it sound ahdkakdk#like I've known this man for over two years so we were coworkers and friends before anything else so we already had our little dynamic going#idk i just feel weird knowing that none of y'all know our lore ahdkakdk#anyway it was nice just getting to spend time with him again 🥰#and I'm taking him out friday bc i owe him a fun little date or several lmao so i think I'm done screaming now#partner posting
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Finally fixating on some nugget relationships that aren't horrible for everyone I love friendship <3
#rat rambles#I feel like Ive mentioned them before but Ive been rotaing them in my head so hard today#jacob dexter besties arc <3333 and also piper ig :/#they're all friends I just have favorite children (even tho Im pretty sure piper is the one whos been around the longest)#theres nothing super deep going on with them they're just bros who like to hang out drink and have game nights sometimes#but I likes them. they're silly :3#I need to dexter post more often yes they basically do nothing but be their friends supply guy but I love her sm#I used to be painfully neutral on him until I started lor at which point she grew on me hard and its only been getting worse#shes a mess who is squeamish and easily grossed out (rip bozo) and also an alcoholic (rip bozo) and also loves gambling (rip bozo)#hes surprisingly not doing as bad as youd think theyd be considering the everything tho#mostly because theyre good with tech and also are very good at breaking rules without getting too punished#but also because of their friends ig. eyeroll.#jacob also has a lot of bullshit going on as he is one of the poor souls who for a time caught yuri's attention but hes managing#and by managing I do mean on the verge of a breakdown at all times and holding on by a thread because he does not need to have juliet's#wrath added to his ever growing list of problems and traumatic events#again having positive relationships does also help but hes easily the least stable of the crew#to be clear theyre not like. super close? they hang out and play games and shit but they generally treat their hang outs as escapism so#they rarely talk much abt themselves on a personal level with eachother#which is fine they still value eachother a lot and genuinely enjoy eachothers company#although they are a bit recklessly fond of eachother considering their situation Id say. thankfully they dont get punished for it tho.#if one of them Had died and not instantly got brought back I do think the other two would fully lose it#the closest this ever got to happening in game was me not realizing dexter (level 5 employee btw) had gotten eaten by the wolf#and almost moving to the next day before realizing she had died#and do note this was like at the point in the game where I was just about done preparing to start the last 5 days this was Late late game#but autism be damned my boy can fuck up one of the easiest waws#(not a boy tbc)#honestly its kind of a miracle I never let piper die I Really didnt care abt him before the other two boosted him by proxy#well tbf he was for a good while one of like. two ppl I had in training. and they also are in little red gear. so they Did have value. ig.#piper comes from category of nugget I had in my early game that I liked to call bodyguards#basically I had one or two guys per department who actually did work and then another guy or two to be extra fire power
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#ohhhhhh my fucking god. omg. omg#i really need to learn to trust my own instincts about people#there's this dude - let's call him biff - who lives in my city#he's always been very consistent about staying in touch with me over the years even though we don't really have any shared interests#i met him when he was dating this girl i was friends with. then they broke up & he wanted to hang out with me#then he started dating someone else & they got married and had a kid#and after a while he stopped messaging me (fine by me)... UNTIL#i posted on fb the other day that i was starting the process of quitting everything Meta#and that people should comment if they wanted my contact info elsewhere#after making this post i thought 'hmmm maybe i should have restricted the audience to the only people i actually WANT to stay in touch with'#but it was too late. biff had already messaged me and asked for my number#stupidly i gave it to him. he (a german) joked 'still no german number i see?'#(it is clearly a german number. also i live in fckn germany. and have done so for 7 years. how the hell would i not have a german number?)#then he realized that & added me on whatsapp (kinda silly bc i explicitly said i'm going to quit the whole metaverse eventually but oh well)#first message: 'how u doing?' this man is in his 40s and has still never learned to type properly#second message: he said that he (singular) had recently moved to a new apartment and was not doing great#which makes me think that maybe he's gotten divorced and that's why he's suddenly so eager to reach out to me again#and he added apropos nothing 'but the good thing is that now i'll finally get to see the harry potter movies!'#ummm... great? fuck that transphobe but have fun i guess? what a weird thing to mention#third message was - just fucking WAIT FOR IT - 'what do u think about what's going on in the US recently? are you planning on going back?'#if y'all know me by now you know that this kind of question drives me bonkers#so i replied 'no i'm never going back. i live in germany. kinda sick of people asking me that. I LIVE HERE'#and i just... godddd my intuition is so depressingly good sometimes.#the moment his name popped up in my messages i had this sinking feeling of 'why did i give him my contact info'#and then what do you know... in his next two messages alone there were at least three minor red flags#NOTE TO SELF: TRUST YOUR FUCKING INSTINCT#why haven't i learned this yet? i do not need a 'valid reason' to softly let someone slip out of my life#cosmo gyres#personal#tag rant
5 notes
·
View notes
Note
Whichever anon sent me this today, thank you. There's no way you could have known, but a couple of days ago I suddenly and without warning lost a cat that I raised from the day he was born. When I saw this in my inbox I was confused at first, because what...checkmark...huh...but then I realized that it meant somebody had sent me something--out of the blue, just because--at a time that I really could use something good in my life, even something silly and fun. So, really, thank you. And green is my favorite "real" color, so having one of the checkmarks be green is pretty neat.
I've not really been able to draw anything worth anything lately, believe it or not, so here's the last picture I have of my Night Furry. He loved drives and walks, so earlier this summer on a road trip I took him to the top of the continental divide for a little hike.
(Yes, he's wearing a harness. He had an adventurous and independent temperament, so there was always a risk of him running off to explore someplace where he shouldn't go alone. I didn't just make him wear it because I'm a cruel and stifling cat butler.)
#yo somebody talked to me#/end classification tags#his name is toothless by the way#after the dragon in how to train your dragon of course#ALSO by the way#i would NORMALLY give myself time to actually process this sort of thing and recover because i'm pretty sure i'm in psychological shock#but i'm moving halfway across the continent in like two days (less than a week after he got sick) so there was no way to just#cancel that or delay it or something#so i'm having to just get over it or whatever#👍#the car ride is going to be lonely but at least i have one more cat to keep me as good of company as she can#even if we've never been as close as toothless and i were#a VERY IMPORTANT note to all of the pet owners who follow me: PLEASE check your yards for poisonous plants#regularly and repeatedly even if there wasn't anything dangerous there before#even if you're only staying in the area for a little while#even if you only let your pets out under close supervision#even if you trust your landlord/landlady (if you rent)#because i was all of those and this still happened#check every single plant out there and be 100% sure you KNOW what each one is#did you know that silverleaf nightshade looks nothing like other kinds of nightshade?#neither did i because i never lived in this area before#anyway sorry for the dump y'all#i don't generally like to share a lot of details about my personal life but i think i'm not quite myself right now#poor little guy hadn't even lived half his expected lifespan so i wasn't ready for this to happen for years#i've been kicking myself over it for days even though i know the blame doesn't TECHNICALLY lie with me and it's messing with my psyche#he was a very special cat#in korean the term is 개양이 and google says the english is puppycat#a cat that is friendly and acts like a dog#i will likely never get a cat anything like him again and that's an awful thing to realize#i would go broke and risk my future to have him back which is stupid i know but he was really something else
42 notes
·
View notes
Text
I did something completely out of my comfort zone and I lived!
#Wasn’t prepared for freeway driving at all but I surprisingly didn’t screw myself or the person following me over#now that I have Siri hooked up to the car stereo that is#Also nothing quite like being on high alert all day to give you a tension headache#But fortunately for me it wasn’t warranted because if anyone wanted to like chop me up and put me in a freezer they would have#But I’m talking to you now and I’m obviously not dead so woohoo#Don’t worry I never go into anything unprepared. And I’m the most resourceful person I know other than my father#Who does not surpass me but equals me#But yeah they’re actually nice and neurodivergently-honest and not trying to love bomb me so far as I can tell#Because I was getting “this is weird” vibes but never the “don’t do this you’re gonna die” feeling#And they’re quite obviously auDHD so I crunched some numbers based on observable behavior and determined#much of the bubbly “too much” behavior was coming from that#but I was unaccustomed to it because I’m on the polar opposite end of the DSM for ADHD (unsure of autism)#and am less likely to recognize behaviors I don’t engage in as being a symptom of neurodivergence#If that makes any sense at all#Like I’m heavily heavily introverted and quiet and soft-spoken and never initiate friendly physical contact with anyone while talking#I’m very reserved with people I don’t know and am in possession of the most blunted affect known to man and don’t reveal my hand#Ever#So seeing someone engage in the opposite of those behaviors to a degree that isn’t normal with me made me take a step or two back#because my sensory/social/trauma issues are opposed to those kind of things#So I prepared just in case my assessment of them was incorrect but everything turned out fine.#I may be extremely introverted and socially awkward (or at least I feel like I am)#but I make up for it by being able to read shrimp social cues— social cues you didn’t even know existed#(And I also project the vibe of “I have eyes in the back of my head” which makes me kind of scary for someone as slight as I am)#But yeah I’m grateful to have met them and that they’re nice#It sounds like I don’t like them but I swear I do. The circumstances of the journey made me more apprehensive than the person themself
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i can't believe i've never talked in depth ab drineke before. all this babbling ab shaneke and never a fic or analysis or even an explanation for some of my favourite doomed sapphics of all time. Wow
#are we truly ready for the drineke conversation though. that is the question#i've been shipping these two on the downlow for a verrrry long time#it's a feeling. it's the vibes#it's abeke thinking drina is beautiful and seeing glimmers of kindness in her#it's the idea that drina would play into abeke's crush to screw with her brother but then start to return the feelings#and it would all end in a fiery disaster#they would be sooo messy. so damn messy#the fallout when abeke leaves the conquerors would be insane#drina would try to convince herself that abeke is a traitor‚ that she means nothing to her‚ but deep down she knows it's a lie#they would flirt like hell across opposing sides of the war. sometimes while actively fighting each other#drina would send her vaguely threatening messages via bird that read more like love letters than anything#abeke would send sarcastically sweet ones back and they would begin a little correspondence#each of them hoping to learn information from the other but enjoying their conversations nonetheless#drina would be in even deeper denial than shane is#abeke would try to save her but realize she's too far gone#and then drina goes and gets herself killed stupidly without ever reconciling with abeke or telling her how she feels. ough. the pain.#i'll cook up a little something for them in the future#they deserve it#text#a revised history of erdas#spirit animals#spirit animals books#spirit animals series#abeke#drina#shane
6 notes
·
View notes