#while man was not “coded as abusive in the books

[3rdgenlesbean]

Rhysand Stans can get the heat too tbh.

[pynkhues]

"I honestly think both in terms of fic for the show itself and for RPF, it's about race"

Ah, I wasn't expecting this, which as a brown woman is incredibly naive of me.

There's currently discourse on X about Louis being the most "boring" character which is also, undoubtedly, driven by racism.

(x)

Oh, I'm really sorry, anon, and you shouldn't feel naive. I mean, for starters, I could be wrong, and I'm being pretty speculative, but even if I'm right, the onerous of that isn't, or at least shouldn't be, on you. I think there's a lot of really great progressive things that happen in fandom, but at the same time fandom is created by People Living in Societies, and unfortunately biases and discrimination, at least in my experience, can and do seep through in ways that are both toxic and just flat out negligent.

The idea of Louis being boring is absolutely an insane and racist rhetoric too. He is so wildly interesting as a character, with so many layers of storytelling and nuance and contradiction, which I adore in him, and it makes me wonder if the people who find him boring are the same ones who want to make him the audience insert (insane given Daniel is literally right there) or to project all this 'battered housewife' narrative onto him, which - - look.

I've tried to shrug this off, but I literally just spent the entire day at a symposium on how the Australian government child support system is weaponised by abusive men against women post-divorce, so I'm a bit of a raw nerve about this topic, but it's made me even more pissed off at the Louis-Housewife arguments than normal.

Not only is it diminishing and completely at odds with his character, but what a way to show you've never, ever engaged with real survivors of, or conversations with, patriarchal oppression.

[delulustateofmind]

TW: Older Professor Yandere x College Student Reader, Abuse of Power, Spanking, Fingering, Manipulation, Infidelity. MDNI

A/n: This could be awful, but the brain worms in my hungover little noggin were munching away at this idea. Also, I thought dead dove was a universal term last night, and I had to (mortifyingly) explain what it meant to my friends 👍 and I feel like I definitely overexplained it. Enjoy!

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Thinking about controversial older yanderes... Like a professor in his 40s, married, with a couple of kids. You know the type. The kind who’s got everything—tenure, three published books, a whole career built on being the guy everyone respects. The guy who should really know better.

But then there’s you. Poor little nineteen-year-old you, sitting in the front row of his lecture hall, looking up at him with those big, wide, puppy-dog eyes. It’s barely the first day, and you’re already turning to the person next to you, asking if he’s going to go over the syllabus. He’s not. That’s something you should figure out on your own. But the way you looked so lost and helpless—God, it just did something to him.

He knows it’s wrong. He’s married. He has kids. A reputation to uphold. So why can’t he stop thinking about how you’d look with those pretty lips of yours wrapped around his cock? Why is he willing to risk everything he’s worked for just to have you?

It starts small. He tells himself it’s harmless. He watches you, admires the way you fumble through class. But it’s not enough. He’s always been a man who takes what he wants. So, when you turn in your first big paper, he decides to take matters into his own hands.

“AI-generated,” he says, shaking his head like it pains him. “I’m sorry, but I can’t accept this.”

You’re a mess, practically in tears, insisting you worked so hard on it. You did. Hours, maybe days of effort, all for him to dismiss it in one breath. But he just sits there, palms pressed together like he’s some kind of saint, telling you his hands are tied. “It’s academic integrity,” he says, like he’s not already imagining you on your knees.

You’re begging him for another chance. And, well, he’s a reasonable guy. Of course, he’ll help. “Why don’t you assist me with my research?” he offers. “It’s a great experience. We’ll get that grade sorted out.”

So, there you are. Alone with him in his lab most days, where his hands are always just a little too familiar. Brushing your hip as you reach for a chemical or guiding your hand over the keyboard when you “mess up” the data entry. And when he loosens the cap on a reagent just enough for it to spill, you’re flustered, stripping out of your stained clothes while he promises he’s not looking.

Except, of course, he is. His phone is propped up on the desk, recording every second. For “security reasons,” he says, but the truth is obvious.

You just keep messing up, though. The numbers are wrong, the experiments fail, the code has errors. Every mistake adds up until he finally sighs, exasperated. “I really hate to do this,” he says, sitting you down like a child about to be scolded. “But I think we need to address this another way.”

Next thing you know, you’re over his lap, his rough hand spanking your ass while his fingers slide into your dripping cunt. “You don’t want an academic violation on your record, do you?” he murmurs, voice low, while you sob out apologies. “I’m so sorry! It won’t happen again!”

The slick sounds of your body betray you, loud and lewd as he works you to your first orgasm. His hand is soaked, his palm stinging from the impact of spanking you. And he can’t help but notice how tight you are, tighter than anything he’s felt since his wife’s virginity all those years ago.

By the time he lets you up, your legs are shaky, your thighs sticky with slick. He’s already thinking about what he’ll do next time—because there will be a next time. You’ll be in his office tomorrow, lips wrapped around his cock like he imagined on that very first day.

Maybe, if you’re good, he’ll bump your grade up to an A. Or maybe he’ll fail you, just to make sure you stick around next semester. After all, who are they going to believe? A beloved tenured professor—or a naive little college freshman who can’t stop crying?

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Inspired by: Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Aizawa, Erwin

[creature-wizard]

Scams, Hoaxes, Conspiracy Theories, & Cults Everyone Should Know About

Jilly Juice: Jillian Mai Thi Epperly claimed drinking sixteen cups of her super salty cabbage concoction each day could regrow missing limbs and cure everything from cancer to homosexuality. In reality, overdosing on so much salt caused followers a host of health issues that Epperley dismissed as "healing symptoms."

Nonhuman Body Hoax: Jaime Maussan attempted to pass off mummified human remains as nonhuman beings to the Mexican government. (This isn't even Maussan's first hoax, by the way. He has a history.)

Love Has Won: Amy Carlson, a woman who'd walked out on her own children, started a New Age cult in which she presented herself as "Mother God," the creator of the universe. She claimed to be in contact with dead celebrities and alien beings, and taught a conspiratorial worldview. As her health declined, she attempted to treat herself with colloidal silver and alcohol, and her behavior became increasingly abusive. When she finally died, her followers sincerely believed she would return to life and kept her body in a sleeping bag. (She did not return to life.)

Seed Faith Offerings: Reverend Gene Ewing came up with the perfect get-rich-quick scheme to prey on desperate Christian believers: tell believers that if they "sowed seed" by giving money to him, God would bless them with even more money in the future. He made millions of dollars from these donations, while most of his followers never saw the miraculous returns they were promised.

William Walker Atkinson: In the early 20th century, William Walker Atkinson wrote around one hundred books, many of which he wrote under various pseudonyms. Some of these pseudonyms included alleged Hindu mystics. That's right - this guy was practicing literary brownface to sell his mystical ideas.

The LDS Church: In the 19th century, a man named Joseph Smith claimed that an angel had told him where to dig up a set of golden plates that were supposedly written by ancient Hebrews who'd come to North America. Smith even had eleven close associates who vouched for the plates' existence. Yet the script they were allegedly written in bore no relation to actual ancient scripts of the Near East, and the the names the locations in the books he "translated" were very obviously derived from placenames he would have been familiar with. (For example, Oneida/Onidah.) Oh, and actual archaeology and DNA studies have discredited pretty much everything from this guy's weird racist narrative.

Fake Cancer, Fake Cure: Wellness entrepreneur Belle Gibson claimed that she'd cured her brain cancer with natural remedies. Gibson never actually had cancer in the first place.

Medbeds: Back in 2020, QAnons and QAnon-adjacent people started circulating claims that a new form of healing technology was about to become available to the public within the next several months or so. Depending on who you asked, Donald Trump, Elon Musk, and even the Galactic Federation of Light were involved. The time of their supposed unveiling came and went, and what do you know, there are still no functioning medbeds used in actual medicine.

COVID Vaccine Zombies: Conspiracy theorists have been claiming the government practices high-tech mind control for ages now. One recent iteration of this is a conspiracy theory claiming that people who'd received COVID vaccinations would have malicious DNA code activated by 5G on October 4, 2023, turn into zombies, and riot. The time came and went, and no zombie outbreak happened.

Ms.Scribe: In the early 2000s, a Harry Potter fan known as "msscribe" or "Ms.Scribe" faked her own harassment through a number of sockpuppets, with the apparent goal of becoming friends with some Harry Potter fandom bigwigs. She manipulated the fandom for a few years until the deception was finally uncovered.

[theamberfist]

Obviously platonic; Alastor x teen! GN! reader, when reader was alive reader "idolized" Alastor as a killer and killed like him, basically a copycat and died like him. When reader meet's Alastor at the hotel reader is like, "OH! My fking- your, your Alastor, right? The famous radio host serial killer from the 1930's? I such a HUGE fan!"

BTW : Love your work •ᴗ•

❀ AHHHH THANK YOU!!!!! We all know how I love platonic Alastor, especially with a child/teen reader! I hope you enjoy! ❀

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The Radio Demon's #1 Fan | Alastor + Teen! Reader

Platonic! Alastor + Teen! Reader

Description: You had always looked up to Alastor; a great serial killer who had lived and died long before you. Now that you've ended up in hell, you end up getting to finally meet him...And are totally starstruck.

(Notes: CW Alastor, mentions of murder) (gender neutral reader) (Alastor is manipulative)

Words: 1,838

It was no surprise to you that, when you died- shot in the head while out in the woods- you woke up in hell. In fact, it wasn't as if you'd ever tried to get into heaven in the first place. 

Your goals had always been...less than innocent. You'd killed plenty of people; that was a fact. And you didn't regret any of your actions, either, because every crime you'd committed had reflected that of someone who'd come before you. 

Back in the 1930s, before you were even born, there had been a famous radio host who'd also turned out to be a prominent serial killer after his death. Which, coincidentally, mirrored yours almost perfectly.

Just like the great Alastor, you'd killed people according to the same moral code and reasoning. Since you were just a teenager, though, you managed to keep your activities a secret while also attending school every day and maintaining good grades. Like him, it had just been you and your mom ever since your abusive father had left, and like him, that father had been the first person you killed.

Your dad's murder was actually what had lead you to finding out about the radio host/killer. Having safely-but-quickly disposed of the man's body, you'd then policed the internet for the next few days to make sure there was no news about any teens in New Orleans- where you lived- having killed their fathers. 

That was when you'd stumbled upon an old article about Alastor himself, and the the rest had been history. You only found more similarities between the two of you, which drove you to see him as a sort of role model and follow in his footsteps; even if he'd been dead for many, many years. 

All your murders looked like echoes of his; from who you killed, to when and how, to where you hid their bodies. Like him, you were becoming quite infamous in the New Orleans area; but as a sort of copycat of the past serial killer.

And like him, you'd also been burying a body in the woods the night you'd died. A hunter had been out, he'd mistaken you for a deer, and he'd shot you. That was it.

Now, you'd been living your afterlife in hell for a few years. To your delight, it seemed that Alastor had ended up there as well; not that that was a surprise. He was known as the Radio Demon and was arguably even more feared now than he had been in life. Not only that, but like you, he possessed deer-like features that echoed the way he'd died in life. It couldn't have been more perfect, and the fact that he was down here with you; that you could potentially run into him at any moment, had brought a constant smile to your face the first few days.

...It was after that that your spirits sank. It appeared the Radio Demon had been missing for several years now; starting before you'd even died. No one seemed to know what had happened, but most other sinners were glad to have him gone. 

You were beyond disappointed. 

Still, you lived on. You couldn't shake your deep admiration for the Radio Demon, even with him seemingly being gone, and so you took a page out of his book once again by starting your own radio show. It was much smaller in scale than his had been, but it felt like a good way to continue the legacy.

You became an overlord, though you were still so new to hell that you didn't have much of a name for yourself yet. 

Those who saw you walking down the street were definitely intimidated, but they weren't terrified enough to literally set themselves son fire and run away yet; which you'd seem them do for other overlords. 

It was during one of your walks, though, that things finally changed. You'd been out for a stroll, as you did often when searching for new souls to take; listening to the portable radio at your hip. Alastor didn't do broadcasts anymore since he'd disappeared, but that didn't mean you didn't still enjoy the medium as a whole. 

You hummed to yourself as you walked down the street, passing a tall building that loosely resembled a hotel of sorts. Part of the the wall on one side had been destroyed, leaving a gaping hole that looked into what you assumed was the lobby. Knowing destruction like that happened often in hell, you were about to keep walking when you heard someone nearby speak with what sounded like a radio filter over their voice.

"My mother once showed me a wonderful recipe for jambalaya! In fact, it nearly killed her!" The voice was accompanied by the sound of laughter that made you stop in your tracks. "You could say the kick was right out of hell!" You didn't hear the rest of what was said because you were too busy looking around feverishly trying to find who was speaking.

Finally, your eyes landed on a demon with a red color palette and features that resembled a deer. You could have swore your nonexistent heart stopped at the sight. 

The Radio Demon.

As if he'd sensed your gaze on him, the sinner's head now turned to look over at you; his yellow smile curving up further now that he'd caught you staring. A second later, he was standing in front of you; hands holding his microphone behind his back as he towered over you. You blinked, unsure what to say now that you were actually faced with your idol.

"And what have we here?" The Radio Demon asked, arching an eyebrow as he leaned over to look down at you. You gulped, still feeling frozen in place.

A blonde demon, whom you recognized as the princess of hell, Charlie Morningstar, came over now that she'd noticed him gone. 

"Uh...Alastor?" She asked carefully, leaning around him to look at you, "What's going on here?" She seemed more concerned for your safety than anything else, but faced with the Radio Demon himself, you couldn't even consider that.

Having heard her say his name now, you seemed to finally snap out of your trance as you looked up at the deer-like demon. "Y-you're Alastor?" You squeaked, suddenly feeling as if you were being crushed under a heavy weight as he gazed at you. "As in...The famous serial killing radio host?" You shrunk further as his brow raised higher. 

"Indeed." He replied, seeming amused by your nervousness, which he must have mistaken for fear. "And who might you be?" Clearing your throat, you quietly told him your name, feeling as if you might pass out from how starstruck you were.

"I'm a big fan of your work..." You admitted finally, your eyes trailing to the ground. Suddenly, the crimes you'd committed in order to echo his didn't seem nearly grand enough in comparison when you were faced with the man himself. 

"Oh, you want to be a radio host too?" Charlie piped up beside the Radio Demon, seeming a little touched by how you looked up to him. Truthfully, she thought it was cute that a teen sinner like you would look up to a radio host so much.

"Uh..." You weren't sure what to say to that, but luckily, Alastor seemed to understand what you meant. 

"I believe it's my other line of work they're interested in," he told the princess, stepping forward as if to cut her out of the conversation. You quickly nodded.

"Y-yeah..." You admitted, "Though, I do have a small radio show of my own too..." You said the last part in a softer tone, but it seemed Alastor had heard it anyway. 

"Is that so!" He exclaimed, standing up straight now, "You must be the one I've heard on nearly every radio station since my return to hell!" You weren't sure if he was upset or pleased by that, but you nodded anyway. "I do hope you aren't trying to replace me," he went on, his eyes turning into radio dials, "That would not end well for you."

You hurriedly shook your head. Though, you were shaking less from fear and more from awe; who could have guessed that, when you went out today, you'd end up getting to actually meet your idol?! 

"Never!" You exclaimed, bringing a hand up to awkwardly rub the back of your neck, "I just...I've been trying to emulate your work for years! Even my murders were similar..." You trailed off, but by now, you'd managed to fully peak the Radio Demon's interest. 

A teenager who'd ended up in hell for serial killings? Now that was something one didn't see every day. It was now that his eyes landed on the 'X' mark that rested in the middle of your forehead...Nearly identical to the one that appeared when he utilized his demonic power...

Perhaps you were even more interesting than he'd initially thought, he realized; and if you truly looked up to him as much as it seemed, he realized he could use that to his advantage. 

"I see!" Alastor exclaimed, "Why, I've never had such a dedicated fan before; even going so far as to copy my own murders!"

You nodded and Charlie, who was still awkwardly glancing between the two of you, tried to smile through her concern. She looked back at the hotel, where everyone else was filing in through the giant hole that had been created in the wall just a few minutes before, and finally made her decision. 

"Would you like to join out hotel?" She asked cheerfully, catching your attention again, "Alastor has just started working with us and-"

"And we could use all the help we can get!" Alastor interrupted her, suddenly appearing behind you and pushing you along towards the building as he walked, "I tell you; it's quite difficult to find good help these days!" From inside the hotel, a cat-like sinner flipped him off but he ignored it. 

"You're helping run a hotel now?" You asked carefully, a little surprised that someone like the Radio Demon would be interested in that sort of thing; especially because you'd heard it was meant as a place of redemption. 

"Indeed!" Alastor chirped, then leaned down to talk more quietly to you, "I must say, it's quite entertaining work! I'm sure you'll enjoy it." You took that as an invitation, and after a second of hesitation, you finally nodded. 

"Okay," you said with a small smile, making Alastor's own grin widen.

"Wonderful!" He exclaimed, "Right this way; there's much entertainment to be found inside!" With that, you were dragged into the building as Charlie awkwardly trailed after the two of you. 

Having heard your backstory and realized just how much you seemed to look up to him, Alastor was quite interested to see what you got up to from here on out. And, should you prove to have potential, he could even teach you a thing or two; molding a second, younger version of himself.

Wouldn't that be fun?

[flower-boi16]

Stolas' "Character Growth" of Making Amends With Blitz is Poor as Hell

Something many critics don't seem to mention when talking about Stolas' characterization in Season 2 is how the season tries (keyword tries) to have Stolas go through an arc of fixing his mistake in regards to making the deal with Blitz and, ya know, sexually abusing him. The show is acknowledging that Stolas fucked up, which means it isn't coddling him...right?

Well, this arc first gets kickstarted in Ozzie's when Blitz explicitly tells Stolas to "not pretend like anything we have is anything but you wanting me to fuck you", showing to Stolas that Blitz doesn't feel the same way about him as Stolas feels about Blitz, which gives Stolas a moment to reflect on their relationship.

The Circus then shows that Stolas believed that for once, he had a genuine mutually affectionate relationship with someone, that someone being Blitzo, as Stolas felt some kind of happiness he never felt before and could never get with Stella, only to realize that it was all a lie and Blitzo doesn't feel the same way as Stolas did for him. Stolas desired genuine intamite affection and thought he had that but he didn't, and so he looks to a book to try and find Blitz an alternative so he can continue his job without staying in the deal, chosing to free Blitz.

Oops then shows Stolas going to Ozzie's place to get the Ausmodean Crystal for Blitz, and The Full Moon shows Stolas giving the crystal to Blitz, now learning to let him go, putting his own selfish desires for affection aside and reconizing what he did to Blitz was wrong and choosing to let him be free from the deal.

So...this, on paper, sounds fantastic, right? The show is making an arc of Stolas growing from his mistakes, realizing the deal is wrong and choosing to let him go while acknoweldging Blitz's mistakes right....right?????

Well...no. While this is a compelling arc in isolation, there are several issues that taint it. For one, the arc revolves around multiple plot holes and contrivinces in order to work. I've already mentioned this several times but, Stolas and Blitz being childhood friends feels like a retcon and it doesn't really line up with any of their interactions in the first season, and this arc relies on the two's past friendship in order to work.

Further more, there's the fact that Stolas shoulden't even have any real love for Blitz in the first place considering that Blitz stole from him not once, but twice. First Blitz steals all of Stolas' items when they were kids for his dad by tricking him into a game and the second time Blitz takes advantage of Stolas again to Steal the grimoire. Did Stolas REALLY just...not realize that Blitz took advantage of him in either of those instances????

Why would he have ANY love towards him after he did those things? He should HATE Blitz for taking advantage of his feelings, but he doesn't. There's also the fact that this arc is just a complete replacement of Stolas' character in the first season, fully comitting to his sudden shift from a man who made mistakes that hurt others to a UwU gay sad soft boy who just wanted genuine affection, which is a jarring change for him as a character, and this arc competely relies on this sudden shift.

It removes everything that made Stolas an interesting character in the first season and replaces it with something unreconizable from his previous iteration, so this arc ends up feeling like an unnatural direction for Stolas' character to go to. The other big problem with this arc is how it codes Stolas' actions in a sympathetic light - as in, he only made the deal because he believed he had real affection with Blitz.

The thing is, this whole thing ends up making Stolas even less sympathetic than before. You'd think that Stolas would care about his childhood friend's consent in this matter because even if he thought that Blitz liked being his plaything he would still care about his boundries since well, he is supposed to be Stolas' childhood friend...right??? But instead of that he decided to put his childhood friend in a situation where he HAS to accept the deal or else he'll lose his job, and he's doing that through coersion, which is a horrific thing to do to someone especially someone you CLAIM to be your first ever friend.

None of Stolas and Blitzo's interactions in the first season come across as Stolas being oblivous to Blitz being uncomfortable rather it's Stolas not caring about Blitz being uncomfortable and not taking it seriously because he only cares about his own sexual pleasure. While Stolas' actions are still painted negetavily the show is using a sympathetic reason for his actions but that sympathetic reasoning doesn't end up working and if anything makes him look even less sympathetic than before. It's supposed to be "bad actions codded with sympathetic motivations" but it doesn't work because the actions he's done don't make sense with the motivation the show outlines.

And this brings me to the last, and, probably the biggest issue with Stolas' "growth arc" in Season 2; the show's refusal to admit the full extent of Stolas' what Stolas has done to Blitz. Season 1 had Stolas consistantly belittle and talk down to Blitz, ignoring his boundries and constantly dehumanizing him into just being his "impish little plaything", yet, the show pretends as if making the deal was the only bad thing Stolas ever did to Blitz and just ignores all the other stuff that he did in the first season.

It contributes to the problem of the show refusing to acknowledge Stolas' mistakes and instead choosing to downplay them or demonize those who dislike him for valid reasons (also, no, the description acknowledging Stolas' lack of self-awarness doesn't work because if Stolas is meant to be in the wrong during the episode than it should be frammed as such, yet the episode just frames him as solely the victim. That ain't good writting). And there's the fact that this arc would be rendered null anyway because well all know that Blitz and Stolas are going to get together anyway by the end of the show meaning that Stolas never had to let go of Blitz in the first place because then he'll get back to him.

So, overall, while this arc is fine in isolation, it falls apart due to it relying on too many plot holes and not actually having Stolas reconize the full extent of his mistakes, and so saying that the show is coddling Stolas is still a valid critique given that this arc is still codding his actions under a sympathetic light.

[callmewrinkles3]

Nothing new - DR3 x Fem!OC

Masterlist

Summary: Some decisions are difficult and bittersweet to make. During rocky times, sadness can be an unwise advisor, but with friends and family around, taking those decisions becomes easier.

Warnings: Fluff. Angst. Sex talk. Pregnancy talk. Mentions of mental health issues, pregnancy loss, injuries and past crashes -we don’t like you, Zandvoort 23- and past abusive family. McLaren being mentioned too, sorry.

Words: 16.2k

A/N: HELLO AGAIN. After a little post this morning we’re finally back with our long-as-hell-oneshot regular schedule. Let’s forget about what happened in Zandvoort for our own mental health 😌 Hope you like this mess of a oneshot, hope you are all well and promise we’re gonna post soon. See you around, kiddos.🫶🏻

June 2024.

If Em had to put a date on it, she'd say it started during Monaco weekend. But in her heart and soul she knew it was before then. It started with the realization that she didn't want to return to work. She wanted to just be Lulu's mum and Dan's wife and do it properly. She couldn't do both that and get back to work as Dan's assistant and do it right.

She simply didn't want to run around people anymore. She didn't want to squeeze through the paddock and the pit lane to organise things and get Dan on track. She was there anyway because she was Dan's wife. She was always going to support him. But now she had a chance to do it because she chose to, not because she had to.

It started while she was standing in the garage after FP3 in Monaco while she watched the sponsors looking at their brands neatly printed on the car. She understood people's passion for cars even though she didn't share them. However, she was disgusted by the men in suits who were only there to be there and take photos. That was the day she admitted she didn't want to go back to work and deal with them.

Em knew it all started with McLaren. She could make a ridiculously long list of the things the orange team took from her and her family. Her and Dan's physical and mental well-being was at the top of the list. A close second was her trust in people when she finally learned how to. She'd begun to make friends and trust and open up to people, but it was ripped away so suddenly it left a brand new wound that she was still trying to heal.

The other major thing they ruined was how much she adored her job. And if she was brutally honest with herself in therapy with Mildred she could admit it hurt the most. She loved her job. At the beginning when Dan told her she was getting paid it felt weird. Being paid by the man she was sleeping with and who she loved? It was strange. But she loved the job and the work she did. It gave Em a reason to be in the paddock and spend time with her boys. Working by Blake's side every day made her happy. She had a reason to spend basically every day with her best friend. Even when they joked they were sick of each other, Blake would give her a hug and swear he couldn't do it without her.

She used to find joy in planning their trips and booking places for dinners. It was fun to colour code schedules so they could tell at a glance what could be moved if needed. She liked running around the paddock with her pit access badge around her neck, her tablet in her arms, and her boys by her side. While she hated the spotlight and the whispered comments about her, at least at Renault she could deal with it. She had to deal with it and learned how by the time they arrived at McLaren.

When their bags became orange and Dan’s half of the wardrobe was filled with the colour it became a constant struggle. Work was a battle for her to be heard and listened to and able to get her point across, and then thanks to the poisonous atmosphere it affected her home life. And then it all fell apart.

McLaren broke them and it took a miracle to get them back together. Love gave them the patience to work on themselves and their relationship. They put the pieces back together once at a time, gluing them into place until they could hold. But even then something inside Em just felt dead.

Something in her had broken, and Dan couldn't help her fix it like he’d helped with everything else. She couldn’t even admit it until now. Back then she thought it was everything she’d lost in such a short space of time - Dan, their relationship, their home and her family. Then she blamed the miscarriage. She blamed her parents and everything they said and did. She also blamed Michael because he made everything more difficult even though she knew she shouldn’t.

There were times when she didn’t feel that broken part inside. She had her Danny, their family, and rebuilt their home together. She had his ring on her finger and their little wedding to promise they loved each other and then their big one to tell the world. They had their sunshine girl and there was nothing that could have prepared Em for the love she had for her baby Luna. But that broken love for her job never came back.

She wasn’t in a position to work when she got back to Dan’s side. She couldn’t think straight at the time, so it was ridiculous to consider working. She knew Blake and Dan agreed and said yes when she said she wanted to return. She knew it was their attempt to distract her from the mess of their lives, but it never happened, at least not in full capacity. Looking back, Em was aware it was all a terrible need to feel like things were normal in some way. It was her way to feel like she didn’t blow out her whole life for not having the courage to stand up to Dan and all her fears and ghosts. 

If she could barely gather the strength to make it to the paddock as Dan’s girlfriend, she wouldn't have the strength to work like she used to. The only thing that kept her going were Dan and Blake. She also knew she could stay hidden away from the world when she wasn't in the garage. Strength temporarily returned when McLaren decided to fight against Dan. She could barely keep herself standing, but she lifted and carried Dan, putting herself together as well as possible to keep him moving. Dan had been doing that for her for months, so she had to do it for him. 

The one last time the strength to work came back was when she had to walk into the MTC and face McLaren and the people she despised. She had to fight for the man she loved. She got there fought them and won, but all the energy was drained after that. It was a brief period and then her pieces started falling apart again. 

As the months passed the attention never turned back to that. She hated herself for leaving Blake on his own when he had too much on his plate, but she needed to focus on herself and Dan. She needed to hug him, kiss his cheeks and remind him that it was only a matter of time until they could be home for a year. In some months they would burn everything that was orange and had the name McLaren on it. It was a matter of time, then they could figure out what they were doing next. 

Em thought she could do it. She could keep it together for what was left of the year, but then she had to break her hand. Then everything was a constant battle with Michael, the criticism about her husband wouldn’t stop no matter what he did, and on top of that they faced her parents. By the end of the year Em could barely leave the bed, and any work-related matter was long forgotten inside one of her suitcases. 

Blake insisted she didn't have to return to action any time soon. Summer break was supposed to be used to disconnect and that's what Em and Dan needed to do. They could think about it later in the year, but in the meantime, they deserved some time off to heal, plan their wedding and be with their family. Blake had the same plan and after spending some time with Em and Dan in Perth, he was gonna fly home for the holidays to be with his family, but Charlie happened. He wasn’t expecting to meet and fall in love with a gorgeous, brilliant woman who was head over heels in love with him too. When it happened everyone was happy that it did. If someone deserved love and happiness that was Blake, so it was wonderful to see it come true. 

The idea of working became even less appealing to Em. Seeing her husband smiling again at a car launch was a sign she hadn’t seen in a while. The sight of Dan actually having fun again doing press and sponsor work was something Em thought was long gone. Even seeing Blake smiling so bright and big while looking at his phone made Em forget how terrible the previous year was for them.

That's how months passed and with them the incredibly excited news about their pregnancy. Then came their wedding, Scotty and Chloe’s wedding and Dan testing for Red Bull. Everything happened so suddenly that Em had to keep her focus on her Danny and that's what she did. By then, Em was in some meetings, but she was mostly on the side, holding Dan’s hand and promising everything would be alright. After all the difficult things they faced through it had to be alright for him and his career.

Dan breaking his hand wasn’t on her bingo card that year, making it all messy and complicated. He was finally in a car and had to step to the side before he could even taste it. Em never thought that at seven months pregnant she would be holding her husband’s good hand as he lay on a hospital bed ready for a multiple fracture surgery. She never thought she would have to sit there promising her husband everything would be alright while she was fighting one of their former friends for talking about Dan’s injury to the press. The last thing any of them needed was Michael sneaking into their business. Em was already nervous enough and it wasn't good for her pregnancy. 

Em hated to say it, but the accident was part disgrace and part blessing. Thanks to it they got more time off, allowing them to return to Perth for some extra days. They had the chance to be with their family for Grace’s birthday, Blake got to spend some extra days with Charlie, and they knew more than anyone how they needed to cherish extra time with their loved ones. Dan and Em even had some time to slowly putting something together at Lulu’s nursery in the farm, so something good came out of it. 

As months passed by, things got crazier with organizing their lives and Dan returning back to racing, but nothing ever got as crazy as when Lulu finally arrived. Their whole universe changed, their world shifted and nothing really mattered after that. 

There was a lot of mess in their lives, but they were happy and for the first time, things seemed to be going their way. Maybe that is why Em found it so difficult to think about finishing her maternity leave at the time. It was agreed that Em would take a few months off and then we would see how things were going and how she felt at that time. She was thankful to be able to spend as much time as possible with her newborn baby. She was grateful for the opportunity to spend this time with her family, and she made the most of it. That's why Em decided it was best for her to stay off work.

Not only was Dan too busy, but Lulu was so tiny. If Em was working Lulu would be right there with them in the paddock and Charlie was gonna be looking after her, but Em just couldn’t. It wasn’t about Charlie. She was like Lulu’s second mum. They knew Charlie and Blake would always love her and protect her, that's why they were her godparents. It wasn’t them, but Em not willing to take her attention from her daughter. She really wanted to be with Lulu and spend time with her. In one of her therapy sessions, Mildred told Emma it was perfectly normal and understandable. Being a first time mom, considering all the things that have happened to them and how much they wanted to have a baby, it was logical that given the option Em would want to be there with their daughter all the time. Em wanted to take that chance. Dan always reminded her how privileged and lucky they have a good life not worrying about a lot of things. For once she was gonna pay attention to her husband and enjoy doing nothing except looking after her family. Em finally had the life and family she never thought she would have and wanted to enjoy them. 

Admitting it to herself was one of the most difficult things Em had to do in a long time. She felt that she had no reason not to work. There were two voices in her head: one was her mother's voice telling her to stay at home and not work because that was what a woman should do and the other was her own feelings of regret about not working. She had no idea what it was like not to work. Emma has worked non stop since she was seventeen and had to take care of herself. Having a baby was no excuse because there were all those other mums out there having their kids, doing their jobs, and running their homes. Not loving her job anymore shouldn’t be an excuse. 

As Mildred told her, being with her family was a strong reason. Not wanting to compromise her mental health was comprehensible. Not wanting to do it was a perfectly fine reason too, but if Emma needed something stronger, then her family was good enough. The main reason why Emma started working with Dan was to help him and Blake, so now she could keep helping as a wife and a friend instead of as an assistant. Priorities shifted and hers changed. Her priority was her family and it was perfect. 

Before she took any decisions Emma decided she needed to talk to Blake and then to Dan. Even when back in the day Dan was the one paying her salary and technically her boss, Blake was the one who worked side-by-side with Em. For the world Blake was Em’s boss, but they worked together to make things run as smoothly as possible. After all the messes she made she wanted to talk to him before making any decision, especially if it included him.

“If technically I didn't want to work again, what would happen?” Em asked Blake once they were alone for more than two minutes. Charlie was napping, Dan was out on a short walk with Lulu and Steve, so it was only her and Blake as she worked on dinner.

“Nothing. I mean, I miss working with you, but that doesn’t mean I can’t ask you to double check one small thing for me cause you are going to be right there sitting in front of me.” Blake shurgged as he drank his coffee.

“Really? You won’t be mad at me? And how many cups did you have today, B?”

“Emma Charlotte Ricciardo, I swear to God. Really? Ain’t we way past that? You know I won't get mad at you. And don't ask me such thing as how much coffee I had.” He smiled, knowing the answer was probably too many cups. Between work, a wedding being planned on the other side of the world, and helping care for his baby niece Blake was tired, but he was a happy man.

“Fine. But about the other thing, I just wanna know, alright?"

“Timmy, I’ve been waiting for you to say the word for months. I knew you weren’t coming back for some time now, and if I'm honest I’m happy you are not. It means you’ve got something way better going on. You’re too good for all this mess, Em. You’re seriously too damn good for this weird circus."

Em smiled shyly as she looked at the water starting to boil in front of them. She really had something good going on in her life. She really had an excellent reason not to go back. The fact that Blake agree was a big relief. It was a big weight off her shoulders. “I wanted to. I really did. Working with you again would be so good. But I… They need me, Blakey. They need me and I need to be Lu’s mum and Dan’s wife and nothing else.”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, Em. If that’s what you want, then you'll do that.” Em simply nodded at her friend’s words. She couldn't imagine doing anything else. She hoped it would be different in the future, but not at the moment. “Hey, you know how proud I am of you? That shy woman next door is this brilliant woman with a husband and a baby and a life. And a pretty cool brother, too. That’s pretty cool, Timothy.”

“You’re a silly man. But you’re right. I can’t believe it either. It’s kinda scary, you know?”

“Nothing and especially nobody will take that from you. I promise you. You just look after them and let me make sure you’re ok too. We’re a family, Timmy. We don’t need to work together to look after each other. You’re my sister and that's it. I love you no matter what. And I know Charlie feels the same way."

The shy girl Blake met all those years ago and was absolutely lonely and scared of everything wouldn’t have asked for a hug, but it was another story with the actual Emma. She didn’t hesitate, leaving the spoon on the table and moving the sauce she was making away from the fire to give Blake a hug. Her brother was on her top five list of Best hugs in the world, and she would steal one whenever she could. That afternoon seemed like an excellent time to get one.

“I love you too, B. And I love that wife of yours." Emmy smiled, resting her head comfortably against Blake’s chest.

“Three months and she’ll finally be my wife. Can you believe that?” As Blake kissed the top of her head, she could feel him smiling at her. Em didn’t think she ever saw someone as excited to get married as Blake was. Dan was happy and excited when they did too. He always said meeting Em, getting her back, marrying her and having Lulu were the highlights of his life. She never doubted her husband's words, but Blake was next level of happiness and joy. He was like a happy kid with candy and a brand-new toy, still pinching himself to check it was not a dream. At least once a week he asked Charlie and even Dan and Em if it was really happening, simply because he couldn’t believe he was marrying the love of his life.

“Honestly I can believe it. But it was the best decision you ever made, darling."

"That and saying hi to my nice new next door neighbor. That was an excellent call too.” Blake insisted, giving Em one last squeeze and kiss on the top of her head before he finally let her make dinner.

“It was a smart idea. Second smartest after proposing to Char.” Em smiled, grabbing the wooden spoon to stir the sauce. After filling it, she placed it in front of her friend. “Now try it and let me know if it's good or not."

“What do you mean if it's good? Mama Emmy's sauce is always good." Blake grabbed the spoon and ate it all up. As he smiled, Em could tell what he was thinking about it. She couldn't help but smile back. She knew they all loved her magical sauce, and that made her feel special. Em always felt a some sense of pride as she watched her family enjoy the food she made. She always thought her cooking was more about love than skill, so it filled her with joy to know it put a smile on their faces. "It makes so much sense that you married into an Italian family. This is so incredible it's ridiculous."

As simple as her talk with Blake was, she was terrified of talking to Dan. He wasn't going to say it was a terrible idea or anything like that. She knew her husband would support her in whatever she did. He was always supportive and made sure his loved ones had smiles on their faces. But admitting it to Dan would make it real. If she admitted it to him, then it would be like finally admitting it to herself and signing the resignation letter. Talking to Dan meant making it final. It was terrifying, even when she knew it was the right thing for her and her family.

Before Emma could find the right moment to do it, Dan found it for them. With Lulu in the park and grocery shopping with her godparents, Dan and Em were at home to give them some grown-up time. They never complained. They loved spending time with their daughter, but Charlie insisted.

"Do married couples stuff, alright? No work, just normal people stuff. We're gonna go get some candy and swing in the park before we get sick of you, mum and dad". Those were Charlie's words as she held Lulu and Blake laughed, grabbing Lulu's bag ready to leave. It was a kiss to their daughter before they walked out the door. Soon after, Dan dragged Em to the couch.

She always said she had the superpower of knowing what Dan needed, and that day it was to hug his wife. He needed to wrap his arms around her body and hold her as close as possible. It took Em a minute to realize it wasn't about him, but about her. Dan knew something was bothering her, so he held her until she found the words. He knew it could take a couple of minutes or even hours, but he waited patiently.

"You're waiting for me to say why I'm overthinking, right?" Em finally broke the silence as she placed kisses over his neck and shoulder.

"I have all day, so there's no hurry." Dan's patience was one of the things she admired about him. Or at least his patience with her. It gave Em a safe space where she knew there was no hurry or rush. No matter what her fears or anxieties were, no judgment was made. Dan understood better than anyone else that some conversations needed time, so he held her safely, giving her all the time she needed.

“We gotta go back to mum and dad when Lu is back, so not all day."

“You know Blake and Charlie won't have any issues looking after her for the night if we need it."

“You and I both know it won’t happen. A day off at home? She’s gonna be squeezed between us as soon as she crosses that door." she smiled, feeling how Dan nooded in agreement. Days off were family days, so there was no way Lulu was going to spend the night away from them. But Dan was right and Em didn't want to have that conversation with their daughter at home. “I don’t need you to promise me you won’t get mad, right? ”

“Not at all. You know you can tell me anything you want, Emmy." Dan assured, looking down at her. His big brown eyes always made Em feel better. Dan always looked at her with love and adoration, exactly the kind she thought didn't exist before they met. Combined with the sweet way he kissed her, it gave her the strength to finally talk to her husband.

“I just- I don’t think I want to work anymore? I mean, not forever, but for some time? It's not about you or B. You know I love working with you both, but... I don't know, baby. I guess F1 is not my cup of tea, y'know? I don't want to work there, Dan. Not in the paddock and around all that craziness. I thought it was fun for a while, but then I got tired of it. They ruined the fun for me. I can't do it anymore. I keep showing up because it's your job, but I like it less and less every day, Dan. There are so many people around that it's hard to cope. I know it won't be healthy for me to work again. Not there and especially when Lu is so small and you need-"

Emma suddenly stopped talking when she realized what she was gonna say. She didn't want to overstep, but Dan kissed her before continuing talking for her. “You can say it. I need you. I really need you. I know it. I’m not ashamed or scared to admit I need my wife and daughter by my side. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it."

“And I need you. I need my family. I need to just be your wife and Lulu’s mum. I want to just be just Em for a while. I have to look after my family, baby. I want to keep things like this and be available for my babies. And it's scary because I don't even know what it was like not to work. The only time I didn't do it was when I was sick. And there’s this voice inside my head saying it's the wrong thing to do, but I really need it."

"Remember the day I knocked on your door asking what to do with Red Bull?" Dan asked, taking Em's hand to kiss her wedding rings.

"You at my door with lemon cake, wine and the biggest puppy eyes? How could I ever forget?". It felt like yesterday even though it had happened six years later. She would never forget his crazy curls and handsome face on the other side of the door asking if he could come in. If she closed her eyes she could feel the nerves in her stomach for having him there. She even remembered his perfume filling the room. It was his eyes that Emma remembered most. He really looked like a kicked puppy. He had a mix of confusion, sadness and worry that made her want to hug him and kiss the frown away from hid face. There was no way she would ever do that, so instead she sat there in front of him, trying to be helpful to the the man she was convinced that was never going to look at her as more than just a friend.

"I was shitting my pants all the way to your place. I had no idea how to knock on your door and say I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to see you so badly you have no idea." Dan confessed, making Em smile shyly. She had no idea about that day. She couldn’t believe Dan was scared about it, but deep down she knew her Dan was a shy guy. The man behind that extrovert personality and big smile was still a shy person who took months, a difficult race, and an unbelievable amount of drunkenness before kissing her for the first time.

"We were just kids, huh?"

"Yeah, we were just kiddos. We really were just kids trying to figure shit out. But you remember what you asked me that day?"

"The wrong thing probably?"

“It wasn't wrong, baby.” Em couldn’t help but smile at her husband. She wasn’t surprised by his answer. Despite the fact that it probably wasn't the best thing, Dan was sure Em never said anything wrong. For Daniel, his wife was always right in some way. He was convinced she was the brightest, smartest, wisest person in the world, so his Emmy was absolutely right. She knew she had fucked up by not telling him not to sign with Renault and especially with McLaren. Em knew she should have stopped him right away, but Dan always insisted she hadn't said anything wrong. Em only gave him advice, but he took the decision on his own. “You asked me what I wanted. You told me to follow my gut. You told me to listen to my heart. That’s what I did. Now I'll tell you the same thing. What does your heart say? Not your head, just your heart and guts."

It was such an easy call. Because it was such an easy decision, Em didn't have to think twice before saying it out loud. “I want to be with you and Lu as much as possible, Dan.”

“Then we do that.”

“What about the brand?”

“Thats not a problem, Em. We keep doing what we've done so far. It's working just fine, but if it doesn't, we'll figure out a way. It's not like you won't give me your opinion. You know you can be in meetings whenever you want. It's alright. And if you ever want to go back, you can do it. Enchanté will always be our thing. It was our first real project together, and that won't change. It's ours no matter what. And if one day you want to do something completely different, that's fine too. You have all the choices and time to decide. We're lucky to be able to do this without worrying about many things, so just stick with your heart."

"I just don't wanna disappoint you, Dan. And it won't be forever"

"You could never do such a thing, baby. The fact that you're doing this in part cause I need you? Cause our family needs you? I'm nothing but grateful, Wrinkles. I just want you to be happy. If it lasts forever but you're happy, that's it. You know what they say, 'Happy wife happy life'. Here at home it's more like 'Happy wife, happy baby, happy husband, happy life'. If my baby mama's good, then we're all happy."

"Thank you. For everything you do for us. And for loving me so hard and not giving up on me."

"Loving you is the easiest thing to do, Mrs Ricciardo." After one long hug the decision was finally taken and sealed with a kiss. It was the right thing for everyone, so Em was happy to accept it.

The one thing they agreed on was to take care of the paperwork for her resignation in another moment, probably during the summer break after Charlie and Blake’s wedding. For too imany reasons it wasn’t the ideal moment to deal with it, so they would rather wait and focus their energy and time in other more important things.

The last couple of months - to not say the last couple of years - have been an emotional roller coaster for them. They had been doing every single possible thing so Dan could focus his energy on work, that’s why after Monaco he decided to take drastic measures. Dan talked to his team, friends, and family, but then his with wife. She knew what was coming when they sat in bed. She knew what her husband asked everyone. For six long, difficult, crazy, and beautiful years, they had most of their crucial conversations and made most decisions from their bed. It ended up becoming their tradition and none of them planned to change it, especially not that night.

Em held his hands and brought them to her hips, kissing his wedding rings before the question fell over them. She knew the answer to "What can I do to not waste that much energy during race weekends?" The team would do its part by cutting sponsorship presentations and marketing obligations. Blake would take care of more things, but Em could only do one thing. The second they found out Em was pregnant they made a deal that she would take care of most things if Dan was working. She reminded him of their deal the second Dan had an AlphaTauri contract over the table ready to sign. Now the only option was to reduce family time during race days. No more getting up extra early to cuddle Lulu and give Em some extra minutes of sleep as he fed her and changed her for their day. No more staying up extra late to cuddle their baby to sleep and do their bottle-pjs-storytime routine at night and then have five extra minutes of cuddling with Em. There was no more running around the paddock to see them for a second when he had more than three seconds free. The other thing that Em decided to give up on over the weekend was sex. It was the first thing Em cut from the list, choosing to let it go long before she decided to do full parenting over the weekend on her own. She was Dan’s wife, but she was also Luna’s mom and they swore to put their daughter first no matter what.

She was terrified of what could come of all that. After all they had been through Em was aware of how strong their relationship was. She knew where their priorities lay and how it worked for them, but it was scary. They changed from a pair of scared young adults with a highly active sexual life who could barely stay away from each other and keep their clothes on when they were together to a married couple and parents of a six-month-old daughter. Their sex life was still active and they still loved it, but things were different and that was scary. She knew herself and her Dan, but fear was always there. She knew Dan was never gonna allow it, but Em was terrified all those decisions were going to push her husband away and ruin her family.

Emma knew that was not the answer Daniel wanted. There was a list of things Dan wasn’t willing to do. Leaving his wife and daughter to the side and spending even less time with them was not one of those things. They were the best part of his life. He had his family and friends and loved them to pieces, but Em and Lulu were the air he breathed. His girls were the center of his world and who he loved more in the entire universe. They had his whole heart in their hands and he was happy it was all theirs. They were the whole reason for absolutely everything and he was not ashamed of saying it out loud. That's why he didn’t want to spend less time with them. He knew the sacrifices they were making for him to live his dream. Em had to live the pregnancy in a rollercoaster that was nothing like the chill year off Dan promised. She had to travel the world, live part of the time in Italy, help their friends in a long distance relationship, lift Dan when he broke his hand and see him get back to racing all in half a year. Then when she was absolutely not ready for it they had to move from the comfort and happiness of their lives in Perth all the way back to Europe when she should be home getting used to being a first-time mom and all that it brought with it. They had to deal with the insanity of being first-time parents and a new season while having a legal battle with Emma’s parents. At six months old Lulu visited more countries and had more stamps in her passport than many adults had in a lifetime. They never signed for that life, especially not Lulu, so he wanted to make it count. He wasn’t making them pass through all that to end up outside the points on a race weekend. Daniel wouldn't do that to them. He wasn’t willing to be that kind of husband and father. 

When she saw her husband's eyes shining with tears, the fear only became stronger. Em could see how he rethought and reconsidered every option and decision he made. Dan promised again and again that she would be his top priority. He swore their child was going to always be the top priority in his life, but now it was all slipping from his fingers. He had counted hours to be a husband and dad for three or four days, and now his job was taking that away. Emma felt like the villain because she was taking it away from him even if it was for the sake of his career. She was feeling like the most awful person in the world when she did it. She felt like the worst mother and wife that ever existed when her husband whispered “Baby please don’t take that from me” as she mentioned how night routines would be her thing. Her main job was to look after Lulu and Danny. Her one thing was to protect them and help them but instead she made her husband cry silent tears. She was a failure and it felt like she was bringing her marriage to an inevitable ruin, but she had to do it for Dan. Work was work and she knew that from day one, no matter how it hurt. Between tender kisses all over his face, Em promised them they would be there no matter what. She was gonna be right by his side with their baby, holding his hand and loving him as much as she always did. Their schedules might change, but not their love for each other.

The one thing they agreed on was to take care of the paperwork for her resignation in another moment, probably during the summer break after Charlie and Blake’s wedding. For too many reasons it wasn’t the ideal moment to deal with it. Instead, they would rather wait and focus their energy and time on other more important things.

The last couple of months - to not say the last couple of years - have been an emotional roller coaster for them. They had been doing every single possible thing so Dan could focus his energy on work, that’s why after Monaco he decided to take drastic measures. After talking to his team, friends, and family, Dan spoke to his wife. She knew what was coming when they sat in bed. She knew what her husband had asked everyone. For six long, difficult, crazy, and beautiful years, they had most of their crucial conversations and made most decisions from their bed. It became their tradition and none of them planned to change it, especially not that night.

Em held his hands and brought them to her hips, kissing his wedding rings before the question fell over them. She knew the answer to "What can I do to not waste that much energy during race weekends?" The team would do its part by cutting sponsorship presentations and marketing obligations. Blake would care for more things, but Em could only do one thing. The second they found out Em was pregnant they made a deal that she would take care of most things if Dan was working. She reminded him of their deal the second Dan had an AlphaTauri contract over the table ready to sign. Now the only option was to reduce family time on race days. No more getting up extra early to cuddle Lulu and give Em some extra minutes of sleep while he fed her and changed her. No more staying up extra late to cuddle their baby to sleep and do their bottle-pjs-storytime routine at night and then have five extra minutes of snuggling with Em. There was no more running around the paddock to see them for a second when he had a moment free.

The other thing that Em decided to give up on over the weekend was sex. It was the first thing Em cut from the list, choosing to let it go long before she decided to do full parenting over the weekend on her own. She was Dan’s wife, but she was also Luna’s mom and they swore to put their daughter first no matter what.

She was terrified of what could come of all that. After all they had been through Em knew how strong their relationship was. She knew where their priorities lay and how it worked for them, but it was still scary. They changed from a pair of scared young adults with a highly active sexual life who could barely stay away from each other and keep their clothes on when they were together to a married couple and parents of a six-month-old daughter. Their sexual life was still active and they still loved it, but things were different and that was scary. She knew herself and her Dan, but fear was always there. She knew Dan was never gonna allow it, but Em was terrified all those decisions were going to push her husband away and ruin her family.

Emma knew that was not the answer Daniel was looking for. There was a list of things Dan wasn’t willing to do. Leaving his wife and daughter to the side and spending even less time with them was not one of those things. They were the best part of his life. He had his family and friends and loved them to pieces, but Em and Lulu were the air he breathed. His girls were the center of his world and who he loved the most in the universe. They had his whole heart in their hands and he was happy it was all theirs. They were the whole reason for everything he did, and he was not ashamed of saying it out loud. That's why he didn’t want to spend less time with them.

He knew the sacrifices they were making for him to live his dream. During the pregnancy, Em lived a rollercoaster ride that was nothing like the relaxing year off Dan promised. She had to travel the world, spend part of the time in Italy, and help their friends in a long distance relationship. She had to lift Dan when he broke his hand and see him return to racing in half a year. Then when she was absolutely not ready for it they had to move from the comfort and happiness of their lives in Perth to travel all the way back to Europe. She should have been home getting used to being a first-time mom and all it brought. If it wasn't enough, they had to deal with the insanity of being first-time parents and the upcoming season while having a legal battle with Emma’s parents. At six months old Lulu visited more countries and had more stamps in her passport than many adults had in a lifetime. They never signed for that life, especially not Lulu, so he wanted to make it count. He wasn’t making them go through all that to end up outside the points on a race weekend. Daniel wouldn't do that to them. He wasn’t willing to be that kind of husband and father. 

When she saw her husband's eyes shining with tears, fear only became stronger. Em could see how he was rethinking and reconsidering every option and decision he made. Dan promised she would be his top priority. He swore their child would always be the top priority in his life, but now it was slipping from his fingers. He had counted hours to be a husband and dad for three or four days, and now his job was taking that away.

Emma felt like the villain because she was taking it away from him even if it was for the sake of his career. She felt like the worst person in the world when she did it. She felt like the most horrible mother and wife that ever existed when her husband whispered “Baby please don’t take that from me” as she mentioned how night routines would be her thing. Her main job was to look after Lulu and Danny. The only thing she wanted to do was protect them and help them, but instead, she made her husband cry silent tears. She was a failure and it felt like she was bringing her marriage to an inevitable ruin, but she had to do it for Dan. Work was work and she knew that from day one, no matter how it hurt. Between tender kisses all over his face, Em promised them they would be there no matter what. She would be right by his side with their baby, holding his hand and loving him as much as she always did. Their schedules might change, but not their love for each other.

But even knowing it was temporary, the guilt didn’t go away for weeks. They had one week off after Monaco and half of it was both of them feeling guilty about their decisions. Dan promised that the week would be exclusively for the three of them, and it started by taking Lulu to the beach Dan bought Em over their first weekend together in Monaco.

Em couldn’t help but think Monaco was cursed for them. They cursed it after getting together. Year after year, it was one terrible thing after another. It was so awful that she didn't like being there at all. She knew they had to for legal reasons, but she didn’t like to spend more than necessary there. Monaco had so many memories Em felt like she couldn’t breathe there. After they got back there, they moved their things to another apartment on the opposite side of the city. The apartment had a beautiful view, two rooms and a more spacious kitchen than the old apartment had, but Em still wasn’t happy. Em couldn’t help but feel out of place because she didn’t belong there. She was still the girl who loved her simple life in London. She loved being home and having a normal life doing normal things such as grocery shopping, fixing dinner for her family and doing laundry. She could tell Dan wasn’t happy to be there either. He could see how his wife was uncomfortable and his daughter was less chilled out. Lulu wasn’t grouchy, but she got irritated faster when they stayed there.

The one happy day they had in Monaco after their terribly difficult conversation was when they decided to return to the beach where they had been all those years back after they slept together for the first time. It was Dan’s desperate need to spend time with his family who brought them there, and Em was delighted they did it. Seeing Lulu giggling was one of the counted good things that happened to them there in the last few years. Maybe it was the one happy thing that happened to them. Watching her husband holding their daughter so she could wet her tiny feet in the ocean was one of those memories that would last forever. Watching her water-loving baby smiling at the sensation of the waves hitting her skin was all Em needed to feel lighter even if just for a few hours. That and being held by her husband as he promised everything would be alright kept her going through the week.

Having some family time in New York and traveling to their house in Austin also helped ease her heavy heart. She knew it was a matter of days until they started their ‘No more distractions over the race weekend’, but first they had some normality. They lived a couple of days like any normal family, doing mundane things any couple with a baby would do. Doing the dishes at their home and taking Lulu to the park felt like a privilege and Em soaked it up. She enjoyed every second with her loves until they had to fly to Canada.

When they reached Thursday and press day it was all gone and the reality of her words hit her as hard as possible. Waking up to Dan still asleep and not sitting down in bed holding Lulu almost brought tears to her eyes, but she stopped herself. She took a deep breath to control her emotions, trying to keep them together. The last thing Dan needed was to wake up with his wife crying. He had been through that too many times in the last couple of years. Two years earlier they were in Montana, crying all day and giving Dan the chance to walk away from their relationship before heading to Canada. When they were there she had to ask Dan to keep Michael away from her for some time because she just couldn’t handle his comments. Things were completely different, but memories weren’t easy and she knew it. It was not easy, it was still somehow in the back of his head, that’s why Em didn’t want him to add more worries to his already long list. 

It was her job. One of the reasons Emma left her job as Dan's assistant was that she didn't love it any more. She had a much longer list, including her mental health on top. But one of the most significant reasons was focusing on her family. Her priority was her family. The first two people on her list were her Dan and her Lulu. She got up, made her way to the bathroom and walked straight to their daughter to start their morning in silence while Dan rested. 

She loved the quiet, soft, slow moments with Lulu in the morning. Em loved cuddling and feeding her baby while ignoring the world outside their room. Lulu’s big brown eyes looking up at her were one of the most incredible things that ever happened to her. She couldn't believe how that six-month-old beauty with crazy tiny curls was her daughter. She couldn’t believe how each day Lulu looked more and more like Dan. For Em it was glorious because if Lulu didn’t look like her, she wouldn’t look like Emma’s mother. Thankfully, their baby was full Ricciardo which gave Em nothing but joy, especially considering Dan was the most handsome man in the world for her. Being able to stay there with Lulu in her arms looking at Dan sleeping peacefully was a privilege for Em.

For an hour and a half, her husband's snores were Em's background noise as she cuddled, kissed and changed Lulu. As Em got ready for their day, she smiled at Dan. She had no idea how she used to sleep without Dan as her white noise. She barely remembered how it was to go to bed without his arms wrapped around her. She couldn't even think how it was to wake up without his curls and stubble tickling her skin. Em could not help but laugh because she never imagined marrying a man who occasionally loved a mustache on his face. However, she loved Dan and all his weird and questionable facial hair choices. She must have giggled too loudly because Dan stirred as she talked to Lulu.

Maybe Emma giggled too loudly and made too much noise without realizing, because as she talked to Lulu, Dan started to stir. Like every morning she kissed his forehead. It became a small tradition and whoever was up first always did that while whispering a little good morning. Em cut too many things from his routine, but that wasn’t one of them. Em wouldn't leave behind the extra five or ten minutes of cuddles in bed. Those small things she was not willing to give up on. She might not let her husband get up earlier, but her family was gonna have their usual cuddle session to start the day like they always did. She wasn’t willing to take from her beloved family their morning little ritual of Dan kissing Lulu good morning. It was her face first, then her hands, tummy and feet, making her giggle with joy, dimples full on display, exactly like her daddy. It was all those moments that made Em remember every single decision and sacrifice was worth it if the loves of her life were happy. She was exhausted, but it gave her an extra shot of energy to hear Dan call her Mama as he talked to Lulu.

Em knew it was probably too soon to say and see any changes, but seeing her husband doing so well in Canada was like a breath of fresh air. A wonderful P5 in quali and P8 in the race was more than they expected. Em never doubted him, but trusting what the car could do was a completely different story.

Canada was wonderful, but they were just incredibly excited about visiting Barcelona. They were looking forward to meeting their family there, so it was good news for everyone. With Isabella and Isaac on school break, the family spent some time in Europe with Dan, Em and Lulu. It was all they really needed. Just as a toothless smile from their daughter could lift their spirits, a hug from the kids or Grace or Joe could lift their spirits. It was healing to watch them all cover Lulu in love when they couldn’t do it for months. It was magical to see Joe and Grace holding their tiny granddaughter and the kids playing with their baby cousin.

Having their family there not only meant much needed family time, but also Grandparents in charge. Lulu would spend at least a whole afternoon with Grace and Joe every time they were with them. They loved their grandkids, so spending the day with them was absolutely wonderful. That also allowed Dan and Em to have adult time without their baby around. Grace and Joe insisted the four of them needed some time to be just adults without thinking about the baby in the family and that's what they did.

Dan and Blake promised to join Charlie and Em later in the afternoon after press day in the circuit, which left the two women having brunch and part of a girls day. They normally did it with Lulu, going for a walk, lunch and maybe some shopping just the three of them until the boys returned. One of the things Em got thanks to Charlie being around was more freedom. With Em not working and Dan not in the car on Thursday, there was really no need for the girls to be at the track while the boys worked. One day they decided to turn Thursday morning and afternoon into girls days and it stuck. They sometimes skip it depending on the country, but for a big part of the calendar it was their thing. It didn’t change when Lulu was born, only transformed into a more baby-friendly version of it. With Lulu around it wouldn’t include alcohol, but when it was only Em and Charlie they would always have a glass of rosè.

Doing it in sunny Barcelona normally would put a smile on Em’s face. It was one of the places with more happy memories for them. Her first race was there and she couldn’t forget how happy Dan looked when he saw she was really there after insisting so much. She remembered his cute selfies back in 2018 when it was snowing and he was all covered in a scarf and a Red Bull beanie complaining how he didn’t like the cold and especially the snow. The same happened in 2019, Dan coming and going to London to see her on his free days between one week of testing and the other. She could never forget their nights snuggling in her hotel room in 2020 when she was finally working with him, trying to hide from the world because they weren’t supposed to be together but they just couldn’t stay away from each other. Dan hiding his face against her chest as he hugged her body, saying he was too cold even when the room was perfectly warm, enough for them to not use clothes while they slept. Even the previous year, because they weren’t there during the race but Dan gave them a reason to visit to have his hand surgery. Those were some of the most stressful days of her life, but she was never going to forget her husband waking up from the anesthesia whispering “You’re really pretty but I have a very hot pregnant wife” as he smiled lazily at her, trying in vain to reach her bump with his good hand.

Barcelona had too many good memories and she didn’t want anyone ruining that for them. But even with all those happy memories and stories, Em couldn’t stop thinking about everything that was happening. All the comments and rumors and talks about her husband were haunting her, making it hard for her to stop overthinking, even when she was supposed to be enjoying her day off with her friend.

Doing it in sunny Barcelona would normally put a smile on Em’s face. The place held many happy memories for them. Her first race was there and she couldn’t forget how happy Dan looked when he saw she was really there after insisting so much. She remembered his cute selfies back in 2018 when it was snowing and he was covered in a scarf and a Red Bull beanie, complaining how he didn’t like the cold and especially the snow. The same happened in 2019, Dan coming and going to London to see her on his free days between one week of testing and the other. She could never forget their nights snuggling in her hotel room in 2020 when she finally worked with him, trying to hide from the world because they weren’t supposed to be together but they just couldn’t stay away from each other. Dan hid his face against her chest as he hugged her tightly, saying he was too cold even when the room was perfectly warm, enough for them not to wear clothes while they slept. Even the previous year, because they weren’t there during the race but Dan gave them a reason to visit to have his hand surgery. Those were some of the most stressful days of her life, but she would never forget her husband waking up from anesthesia whispering “You’re really pretty but I have a very hot pregnant wife” as he smiled lazily at her, trying in vain to reach her bump with his good hand.

Barcelona had too many happy memories and didn't want anyone ruining them. But even with all those happy memories and stories, Em couldn’t stop thinking about everything that was happening. Even on her day off with her friend, she found it difficult to stop overthinking due to all the comments, rumors, and discussions about her husband.

“What’s going on?” Charlie asked out of the blue, glass in her hand as the sun shined down on her, making her look like something absolutely divine.

“Nothing.” It was typical Em trying to avoid the inevitable conversation, but knowing it was in vain to try at all. It was Charlie after all.

“Baby…”

“Nothing, Char.”

“Kay, right, lie to your bestie.”

“I’m not lying!”

“Then tell me what’s in your head. I know you, my dear. Maybe you don’t remember but I have a PhD in psychology. Might be in child psychology, but people’s minds are the same. Plus I know all of your faces and you've got the 'I'm worried' face on right now. I know a lot of things worry you but tell me which one is putting a frown across your face." Oh my God, how much she loved Charlie. The fact that she was right about everything she said made it funny. She was so skilled at reading people that it was difficult to hide something from her. It was especially difficult when they spent hours and days together, but Em tried. She tried to keep it chill and quiet, hiding behind her own wine glass. "Alright, I'll guess. Is it Dan and the noise of the silly season?" Check mate.

“You really know me a bit, don’t you?” Em smiled, taking a sip and breathing deeply before talking about the issue. “Yeah, it’s that. I’m just tired and we’re just in June. And Dan told me I could talk to Bayer and Mekies to get some peace of mind but I don’t want to. One of the reasons I quit was because I was tired of meetings with team principals and CEOs. I don’t fully believe them."

“Nobody can blame you. You have your reasons not to.”

“I know. And even if I did I’d still be worried. People talking about my husband is never easy. I hate people acting like they know him or what's going on. All these years and I still hate it. I feel powerless. Like I get to sit there and watch while it all happens when I should be able to do more." It hurt to confess it, but it also felt like a weight off her shoulders as she said it. It was like a bit of pressure came off her chest, which really helped her feel lighter.

“Em, darling, there’s nothing you can do. You’re already doing everything to help him. Goddamn, many women wouldn’t do half the things you do and wouldn’t help with half of the things you help.”

“I know that, but it's that constant small voice in my head saying I should be doing more. I wanna do more.”

“You’re doing enough, Em. Believe me. You’re flying the world with your baby daughter and raising her on your own most days so your husband can stay focused on his dream job. Damn, I can’t wait for the summer break and it's not even about my wedding. I want it so you can have Dan all day for you and Lu.”

It was the final countdown to their summer vacation and Em couldn’t remember the last time she waited for it as much as that year. Being cozy at home with the family sounded like a dream. It was even better when the excuse was their best friends’ wedding.

“I really can’t wait for you and Blakey to get married, you know? Having time off is nice, but your wedding? That’s gonna be incredible. I’m so happy you’re the one who gets to marry him. I really can’t wait.” Em affirmed, looking at Charlie's happy face. She normally lights up at any mention of her man, but the grin only grew bigger as she talked about the wedding.

“I can’t wait either. I really wanna be my squishy face’ wife. He’s gonna look terrific being my Mr Friend-Clarke.” Charlie proudly blushed, drinking from her glass to justify and hide the pink color on her cheeks.

“He’s really doing it, isn’t he?” Em curiously asked. She knew Blake intended to add Charlie’s last name to his. He couldn’t care less about whether Charlie wanted to change her name or not. He said again and again that it was all up to her. However, when Charlie decided to do it, Blake said he was doing it too. If Charlie was gonna add Friend to her name then he was determined to include Clarke to his.

“Fuck yeah. You know, it was his idea, so I won’t fight him. If he wants to be a Clarke, that's his thing.” Charlie shrugged. Em knew she was pretending it was not a big deal, but it meant everything to her. The fact that her future husband wanted to also carry her family’s name right beside his felt surreal. “But don’t change the subject here. We were talking about you and your man. You guys are alright? I mean, overall and despite all the vroom-vroom craziness.”

“Yes, we’re okay. We're doing really well. Trying to adjust to the new weekends routine. Good thing is all this won't last longer than 2026, so it won't be that terrible. Or at least I hope it won’t be.”

“Its bad that I can’t wait for that?” Charlie breathed as her happy smile faded into a rather sad smirk. 2026 wasn’t coming fast enough for them.

“No, it's not. Me neither actually. I’m not gonna miss not being on a race track almost every weekend."

“How did you do it? I mean, you don’t like it. You don’t enjoy racing. You get nervous every time. You don’t like the mess and fanciness and fake shit that comes with it. I see your face every time you see how the garages are full of people outside and the track is also packed. You’re this little miss introvert sunshine in the middle of a circus full of extrovert people. How have you survived all these years? Like seriously, in how many races have you been?” Charlie wondered, making Em laugh at all the questions at once. She wasn’t surprised coming from her friend, especially not after all that time together.

"I have no idea how many. Less than a hundred I guess? I never counted them.” Em tried to do fast math, but there was no use. As the number of races changed every year, Dan missed the entire season the previous year, and she missed too many, so it was impossible to guess it quickly. “I really don’t know. But to your other question, I did it for Dan. I want him to be happy. He’s happy racing, so here I am.”

“I know but anyway, it's insane, Em.”

“Why did you leave your job and your family to follow Blake for two years around the world, partly living in a country you dislike?" Em replied, leaving Charlie thinking with her mouth slightly open and a frown showing on her face.

“It’s not that I don’t like the UK. Charlie defended herself just like every time someone accused her of not liking Em’s country.

“You don’t have anything against it, but you hate the weather.”

“It’s cold in summer! Summer is supposed to be warm, not cloudy and rainy!” Charlie and Dan sometimes disagree on some stuff. They were like siblings who fought over which M&M color was the best or which song was better, but they loved each other. But they always agreed on the weather. They hated the cold, they didn’t like the rain and they loved sunny skies and warm days. Living in London was like a nightmare for her because of the weather. Em was not surprised to hear the same words her husband normally says, but they came from Charlie’s mouth.

“You kind of sound like my husband, you know? Like a lot like him.”

“Cause we’re from cute sunny Perth, baby. We’re not made for cold European weather.”

“Your man is from Sydney and he doesn’t complain.” Em remarked, finishing what was left in her glass, acting like she said the smartest thing in the universe.

"It's because he's a saint. He’s marrying me, poor thing. He already has a spot in heaven for handling me and my shit. For handling us all. If he can deal with that, then I can deal with the cold weather for him.”

“And flying around. Because you’re scared of planes and there you are traveling around the world, jumping on planes every week." Em pointed out. Everyone around her knew how scared she was of flying. It was as overwhelming as Em's airport anxiety, but Charlie made it time after time. It took time, love, and patience, but she made it as long as Blake held her hand and reminded her everything would work out.

“I just don’t like turbulence and I told you, people are not supposed to be in the air! Same with huge machines. It's not natural." Charlie explained, giving the same answer she gave everyone who asked how she could be terrified of the safest transport system that existed.

“I know that, but my point is, you do it anyway cause you love Blake. You handle cold and rain and planes to be with him and because you want him to be happy. You fly and get cold, I get in noisy, packed places. We do what we have to do.” Em concluded, as Charlie grabbed the bottle of wine and poured what was left between their both glasses. “We are gonna get drunk, Char!”

“We have to finish it! It's to celebrate how fucking ridiculous we are, babe. We both know we wouldn’t have it any other way. We wouldn’t change our boys for the world and I drink to that, so cheers.” Charlie grinned, clicking her glass with Em’s to toast for their happy lives. “Or you know, Enchanté, as your husband says."

"Since you asked, we're talking about boys and relationships. How are you and my brother doing?” Em asked, taking another tiny sip and leaving the glass back on the black table. It would go to her brain sooner rather than later, but it was her one afternoon off, and the wine was really good. Good enough to send a photo to Dan and add it to their 'Wines Emmy likes' collection.

“We’re good. Better than ever really. Stressing a bit about the wedding cause it’s not easy to organize it from the other side of the world, but enjoying engaged life. A lot of engaged sex before it turns into married couples' sex. Just in case it changes and gets bored, y’know? But yeah, we’re okay. Really happy."

"Getting married doesn't change much. At least it didn't for us. And considering it's you? It won’t either. Like, I know I will regret asking this but really Char, how many days a week you…?” There was the wine finally and officially taking over and talking for Em. Her little prudent brain never let her talk about those things just like that, unless there was alcohol in her body.

“You’re trying to ask me how many days a week we have sex? You better keep drinking, sister.” Charlie smirked, knowing she finally got to the point she wanted to have ridiculous conversations. “And depends? Almost every day?”

"Oh, come on! That's insane."

“You shut up! B told me how you and Dan were basically like horny dogs for years, so don't come here judging, little missy." Check mate. Em hated to admit it, but Charlie was kind of right. Right enough to make Em blush.

“But not every day!” Em tried to defend herself, but her red cheeks and the silly smile gave her away too fast. Besides, Charlie knew when she was lying so it was in vain. “Maybe at the beginning when he came home and I didn’t see him every day but if we spent time together we didn’t have sex every day.”

“Okay but how many days? Spill it, sister.” That damn question.

“Charlie!” Em exclaimed, looking to the tables around them. Luckily, they were too far and too involved in their conversation to listen to what they said. “I don’t know. Four? Five on vacation? But normally, three? Depending on the week."

“Sounds logical. But I don’t care, really. I won’t lie and say it's too much for me because it's more than alright. If B doesn't complain we’re good. As long as he lets me sit on his di-“

“Char! There are people around!” Em interrupted, laughing like a small kid who was almost discovered doing something bad. The fact that she stopped Charlie from saying something worse let her know she wasn’t that terrible. Maybe. “If Dan was here he would say his dick is gonna fall one of these days.”

"Oh boy wine is finally hitting her!” Charlie laughed, not really believing the word ‘dick’ came from her best friend’s mouth, at least not in such a way. “But yeah, nah, it won’t. I know how to take care of my pretty boy. He is really looked after, so don’t worry about it. I take care of him so damn well that one day soon there might be two babies flying around the world with us."

Emma could see the exact moment Charlie shifted. She could see how she wasn’t supposed to open her mouth to say such a thing, but trust and wine together were bad advisors and they betrayed her. Em could only think of how her face reflected Charlie’s. A surprised expression on her face as she processed the words.

“Oh boy… Char are you…?”

“No.”

“But you’re trying, aren’t you?”

Charlie answered in a second. Em could see how she was trying to decide if she should say the truth or lie, but there was no use lying about it. “A bit. Maybe a lot. Like a lot.”

“I need a coffee. We need coffee. We can’t have this conversation like this, seriously." Em breathed, taking what was left of her wine and calling the waitress to order two coffees and water for them. It felt like suddenly more than one thing about her friends’ behavior made sense. Suddenly too many of the things they did had more logic about them. “Goddamn, that's why you stopped smoking at all.”

"How do you know that? Only Blake knows I stopped for good and he told me it was our secret.”

“Someone asked for a lighter the other day and you didn’t have one with you. You always have it. Always. Even if it’s to burn a building. Or a body. Or evidence.”

“I was planning to stop anyway. It's terrible for you guys and B hates it too cause it's bad for me.” Charlie tried to justify as they smiled and thanked the waitress for bringing their order.

Before Em could answer, she first drank water. Straight after she poured sugar on it and took a sip of her coffee. She needed to try, even though it wouldn't take effect fast enough. “We all hate it because it's terrible for you, Charlotte. And it went from one every once in a while to too many a week."

Em knew Charlie’s smoking history. She knew how it started in her university days, mainly recreationally, as she had drinks with her friends and classmates. As time passed, she got caught up in it, using it as a way to cope with stress from exams. She promised to quit after getting her PhD, and she did it. Charlie would only get one in a year, maybe two and only when she was really drunk. But the 'only while drunk' clause was omitted from the equation. Between planes, airports, hotel rooms, cameras, photographers, and strangers knowing who her boyfriend was, her anxiety only grew. When it happened and Charlie felt anxiety reached her peak of the day, she would sneak away from them and try to put it away with some nicotine. She would never smoke around them, so it would be a fifteen minutes break to return with her face and teeth washed and clean clothes. But as it happened more and more often to the point Em was thinking about making an intervention, one day it completely stopped. Now it made sense why she did it.

“We have a stressful life, Em." Charlie tried to justify, but there was no point in discussing that at the moment.

“Don’t change the subject."

“We’re trying. We started less than a month ago. We talked too much about it and we really really thought about it. We had a plan and were waiting, but with my family history of fertility issues? I’m not getting any younger and I don’t wanna risk it. I won't risk our chances. I can't wait, Em. I'm afraid of waiting too long and then finding out it won't happen, y'know?. I’m older than my mom was when she had Cal and I just- We always knew we wanted this at some point so we’re trying for it. I know it's terrible timing with the season and all that but-"

“Charlie, no." Em interrupted her friend, grabbing her hand from over the table to stop her from rambling. "Love, don’t do that. It's not bad timing. It is not. It could never be. Lulu having a travel buddy sounds wonderful."

If there was something that Em admired about Charlie, it was the way she always looked like she could own the world. It was effortless somehow. There was something about the way she carried herself. Em knew Charlie carried her heart on her sleeve and was the sweetest, most loving, protective, honest woman in the world. However, there was something about her that said she could take over the world if she wanted to. Em always joked that Charlie and Blake could take over the world if they wanted to do it, but they would rather snuggle on the couch. But just like Charlie was the most badass woman Em ever met, her friend also was one of the most sensible people she ever knew. That afternoon was not the exception and Charlie could see how her friend's face completely shifted. There was absolute relief on her face as she heard those words, her brown eyes shining even more.

“Really?” Charlie asked, and the happiness in her eyes slowly reached her smile, giving Em a tiny smirk.

“Yeah it does. It really does. Those babies will be so lucky to have you and Blake, Char." Em smiled, squeezing her friend's hand as the shock hit Charlie. "What? Don't look at me like that. I know you'd like more than one. I'm not silly. I saw you and Blake looking at the kids and whispering numbers. I kind of live with you, remember?"

"Is that obvious?" Charlie blushed, taking a sip of her water as she realized her friend had caught them.

“Not for anyone, but me and Dan its obvious. But I can totally see you with a bunch of tiny brunette babies running around the house. If someone has the patience for something like that, that's your husband."

“I know. Nobody has as much patience as that man. But maybe it's just one baby? I’d love to have a couple but I'd be happy with one.”

"One, three, seven, whatever. They’re really gonna be the luckiest kids in the world." Em had no idea if someone was ever really prepared to be a parent, but if someone was close enough, that was Blake and Charlie. After a bunch of nieces and nephews from Charlie's side and after spending the last months helping raise Lulu like she was their own, Em knew they were more than ready for it.

“You think?”

“I know it. Just like my Lulu is lucky to have you as godparents”

"We're lucky to be her godparents. You know I love all my nieces and nephews with all my heart and I don’t have a favorite but damn it, little baby Lu really is something else. That girl is a shining little star. There’s no way you don't smile when you see her with those big eyes and crazy curls. Like you really made an excellent one.” Charlie smiled proudly as she talked about her youngest goddaughter.

“That toothless smile is really something else, isn’t it?" Em grinned, still not believing how incredible her baby girl was. Charlie was right. Lulu was a bright little star who would put a smile on anyone's face. She was sweet, smart, funny, and gorgeous, the light of her parents life and the reason for everything they did. "But hey, soon enough we'll be covered in diapers and running around with two tiny ones. Just wait and see."

“You think our kids will be besties?”

“What's that question? Of course they will be best friends. That’s how it’s supposed to be.”

Charlie exclaimed excitedly, making Em laugh at her. "Maybe they get married and all!"

“Oh so you really don’t wanna get rid of me, uh? That’s why you want our babies to marry? So we’re family forever?” Em joked, but there was nothing that made her happier than thinking about spending the rest of her life like that, sharing lunches with Charlie and then returning back to their boys and babies.

“Exactly! Us? That's forever, baby.”

The most enjoyable thing about spending time with Charlie was how she always brought a smile to Em’s face. They were always able to make each other smile. A glass of wine and a long walk while shopping mostly for Lulu, Em could almost forget about her worries. She couldn't completely forget about them, but as Charlie dragged her to a fancy shop to buy some new lingerie, Em could at least put them to the side for a while.

Having a double dinner date was probably another thing they needed. More than once Steve switched from Dan’s trainer to Lulu’s babysitter, offering himself to look after her for a couple hours or even the night so the rest could have a night out without a baby car right by the table. Normally they would say no and it would be the six of them having dinner together, but on some weird occasion Steve would basically kick them out. Every hour, everyone in their group chat would receive a photo of Lulu, attached to a text that said something about their own date running perfectly. He always made sure Em and Dan didn’t worry about their daughter and they were thankful for it. That night they didn’t have to feel guilty about leaving Steve to the side because he was on his own FaceTime date with his girlfriend Sophie, so it was all good.

Just like Canada was wonderful, Barcelona was a disaster. The car was supposed to be faster with the new parts, but Em had to see her husband qualify P18 because the team decided to sacrifice their quali to test the ungraded parts. The last thing they needed was that. The last thing Dan needed was that, especially in front of his family. 

It had been a while since Em wanted to cry after a race, but that day she had to fight the tears. Knowing the kids were in the hospitality, Em took a deep breath and pretended everything was alright. It hurt her to see her husband fighting for something that some days seemed impossible no matter how hard he tried.

That terrible race was the reason why they didn’t say yes when Grace and Joe offered to take Lulu for the night after the race. Depending on the race and how tired Dan was, Blake and Charlie would look after Lulu for the night, giving the parents some time off to sleep without worrying or waking up in the middle of the night. But that night they couldn’t do it. Dan was tired, but he needed his girls. Em knew he needed both his girls, so after a family dinner they headed back to their room for some cuddles.

“You think she'll be proud of me one day? Even with the not so good years?” Dan asked in the dark, his head resting against Em's chest as she kissed his forehead while Dan did the same on her chest.

Even then, his focus was on Lulu. Their daughter slept in her crib right by their bed, never out of reach. They both slept better knowing Lu was there, especially in case a bad dream hit one of them and they needed to hold her tiny chubby hand.

“I know she will. As soon as she is old enough to understand, she will be so proud of her dad. Not only for everything you have accomplished but for how amazing you are. Just like I am proud of you, not only for going fast but for being the best dad and husband in the world.”

It melted her heart when Dan looked up at her as she said those words. It made her feel butterflies in her stomach, the same ones that appeared the night she met Dan. It was the same ones that never went away. They only grew stronger as time passed, especially when Dan kissed her as he did that night. “You’re the best mama and wife in the world. Absolutely the greatest.”

“I try my best cause my loves deserve it.” Em whispered against his lips, enjoying the feeling of her husband right there by her side. Her whole universe was in that room and she couldn’t ask for anything more. “I love you. I don’t care where you end up in the race, alright?”

“I love you too. So so much, Wrinkles. You have no idea how much. Six Barcelona races later and I wouldn’t change us for the world.” Between more lazy, soft, silent kisses to not bother their daughter, Em couldn’t help but smile again. Dan still made her blush, not really believing her luck in life when he said those things.

"How is it already six?" she wondered, still amazed. It felt like an eternity and three lifetimes passed since they met at Blake’s. But at the same time it felt like it was yesterday. Six years of the highest highs and lowest lows. Six years of the happiest and saddest days of her life. Six years and she would do it all again if it meant she ended up being Lulu’s mum and Dan’s wife.

“Dunno, but I love it. Best six years of my life."

“Don’t lie to me” she joked, biting casually his lower lip.

“Best six years of my life. And best six months of my life thanks to our baby moon.”

Leaving Barcelona to go to Austria wasn’t her favorite thing to do. She has nothing against that place, but she loved Barcelona way too much, so if she had to choose, she'd stay in the Spanish city.

Before they headed to the track, they decided to spend some days in Vienna to visit and show Charlie and Steve around. Em's favorite thing was also on the agenda. It was her annual tradition to go to the Belvedere museum to see some paintings, but mostly Klimt's The Kiss. She had it tattooed on her thigh, Dan loved to kiss it and say it looked a lot like them, but they also loved to go to the museum and see it. From the first time Dan made it happen and took Em there in 2019 it was their tradition to do it. They would stand there, Dan standing right behind her with his arms around her waist as Em rested her back against his chest. Sometimes they stayed silent, sometimes Dan whispered sweet words into her ear. But nothing ever compared to the feeling of being there with their best friend and especially with their daughter. Em walked with one hand holding Dan's and another holding her daughter's tiny foot. Like always, Lulu was strapped in her carrier against Em's chest, looking at everything around her.

"See that one, Lu? That's mama's favorite painting ever. I come here every year to see it cause it makes me happy. Your poor dada always comes with me, but now we can do it together to not drag him." Em whispered, kissing her baby's head making Lulu give her the best gummy grin.

"I love coming with you, so now it's the three of us." Dan answered, kissing both his girls. "There's nowhere I rather be than here with you."

Having walked around the city, shopped, and visited places for two days, it was finally time to leave for Spielberg for her husband's 250 race.

Em was never as skilled at maths as she appeared, but, in this case, maths was simple. Two hundred and fifty races were about four years and a half of racing. Two hundred and fifty Sundays when her husband got into a car and raced his heart out. He was almost in the top ten of F1 racing drivers with the most Grand Prix starts, and she couldn’t be prouder. Em was always proud of her boy, constantly reminding him how she loved him for who he was and not for his job, but she was tremendously proud of him. Dan always said the things he did weren’t sacrifices but choices, but Em knew half of it was true. Not being able to spend more time with his family and friends was both a choice and a sacrifice to do what he loved. Not being able to give his wife and daughter more of his time, not having the opportunity to take Em on more dates, letting her do most of the parenting was nothing and not being a full-time dad for Lulu every single day was on the top of his list of things he would wish to change. It was at the top of his list of things he wanted to change the second he retired. In the meantime, she kept kissing his cheeks, smiling at him and whispering how much she loved him and how he had a job to do.

But what surprised her the most was when Blake told her Dan’s 250th race was also her 100th race. When Charlie asked at lunch, Em still didn't have the courage to check. She still didn’t have the heart to count. Like she told Charlie, searching for a list and doing the maths would mean she had to look at the races she missed back in those terrible orange days and she didn’t intend to. She didn’t have the heart to do it. Her list of things to do grew, and she did not get upset about it. Most days she didn't let herself think about that and how tired she was. Her job was to look after her babies. Thinking about her tiredness would lead her to think about how much she wished to get home and it was impossible. It would lead to spiralling about her leaving a big part of her job, being a full-time mum, missing home, longing to be with their family, and a hundred things more. The saddest part was it made Em think how she knew Dan wanted another baby but they couldn't. Lulu was too young, Em didn’t plan to get pregnant again until their daughter was at least two years old, and she didn’t want to deal with a pregnancy and a toddler. She couldn’t deal with it if Dan was racing. She wanted to be home to do that, and Dan agreed, but she knew he wanted more babies. They didn’t want Lulu to be an only child like Em was. They wanted at least one more baby, but she could do another fifty races and celebrate her husband’s 300th with two kids on the road.

Em couldn't and didn't want to let her brain overthink all that. She wanted to celebrate her husband and all his races and the ones she had been by his side. She wanted to celebrate that and then his birthday and the fact that it was his first birthday with Lulu by their side. All Em's worries could wait for another week or two. If extra therapy sessions were necessary, she would have them for her family.

At the end, it was a miracle that she didn’t need it, but maybe it was the joy of seeing her husband smiling in his special helmet. She remembered the day Dan had the idea to do it like his helmet from his kart days, and she loved it. She remembered the excitement on his face as they lay in bed and Dan asked if it would be an good idea. There was a big difference from that night months ago to the day it became a reality. She saw the helmet when Dan brought it home, but there was a huge difference from when she saw it at the race in the Red Bull ring. Em looked at Dan taking it off its bag and for some reason, tears fell down her face. From that little boy who only wanted to go fast in his kart to the wonderful man he became, he had come so far in life. She was so proud of him. She was the luckiest girl to be there for six years of his career. She was the luckiest woman to be there for hundreds of those races.

“I thought we said no tears” Dan smiled, closing the gap between them in his room. As soon as they were one in front of the other, Dan reached her face, cleaning the tears with his fingers.

"I know, but they're really good ones. I’m so proud of you. All you did and you keep doing? God, I’m seriously so proud of you, baby."

“Y'know what's my favorite part about it? That you and Lu are here to see it. It's been crazy, but having you here makes it better and easier. Having our potato here?" Dan asked, pointing to their daughter with his head as she took her morning nap in her seat before the craziness and the noise started. "It really feels like a dream.”

“We have a little saint for a daughter." Em smiled, wrapping her arms around her husband and resting her head against his chest. She knew they didn't have much time, but she would enjoy every second of it.

“Just like her gorgeous mama. And thank goodness she's nothing like her papa.”

“Only on looks."

"That's why she’s precious."

“Then it sounds like she's exactly like her dad.” Em affirmed, kissing his chest before looking at her husband's face. “Thank you for letting me be by your side for a hundred races. It has been my pleasure, baby. No matter what form we were in, it's been awesome.”

“99 of those races should've been as you as my girl.” Dan admitted, kissing Em's nose before tucking her hair behind her ear. "I know what you'll say. You were my girl. You've always been my girl, but you were not my girlfriend. That's my one regret."

"It's your 250th race, there’s no time for regrets." she reminded him, moving one of her hands from his waist to his face, stroking his cheek with her fingers.

“There's no time for regrets, but there’s time for one more big hug from my lady wife." Even when they were still holding each other, Dan hugged Em as tightly as possible. For some reason it felt so peaceful that it didn't feel like they were on the track. It felt like they were home, except for the detail of her husband wearing the team's clothes. “Thank you” he whispered against her hair, breaking the silence in the room.

“For what?”

“For Lu. For existing. For being here. And for handling my daily shit. I think I don’t thank you enough for it.” He did. Heaven knew he did. Em was well aware of it and it was never an issue. Dan was always in awe of his wife and all she did for their family. But she also knew that after what happened with them and not talking about their feelings for years, Dan needed to remind her how he felt about them.

"You know how you can thank me?" Em asked, moving her face from his chest to his neck, kissing it a couple times and then his jaw. "Don't cut your curls during the summer break." Em liked the mustache and she was more than used to it, but if she had to pick she always rather the full bear. There was counted things Em loved as much as running her fingers through it. If she could get it back, she would be happy even if it was temporary.

"Emmy!" Dan exclaimed, forcing Em to cover his mouth for a moment with her hand.

"Shhh, you'll wake Lu up." Em whispered as Dan kissed her palm again and again. "I'm just saying. That and a full beard. That's how you make your wife happy. The whole daddy looks suits you."

"Fine. Anything else?" Dan asked as he took Em's hand off his face and held it against his heart.

"One of those new helmets for my collection."

"You know one is always for you. Anything else?"

Em said no with her head, then got in her tiptoes to kiss her husband's lips to close the deal. One. Two. Three kisses. That was the lucky number. She hated to let it go, but it made her heart warm even more as she looked at her husband kissing their daughter’s forehead carefully to not wake her up. A simple “I love you and see you later, yeah baby girl? Be good with mama while papa’s working, potato” was all Dan whispered while Em couldn’t stop thinking she had done something right in life to get them. No matter how crazy or difficult things were, no matter where they ended up working or living, if Em had her little family things were going to be okay.

---

Taglist: (Let us know if you wanna be added!)

@dr3lover @sabrinaselina55 @majx00 @tall-tanned-tattoo @lovingdennishauger @lauehr @msolbesg @f1medlife @idkwtfimdoing2 @leclercsbae @hiphopdancer101universe @mehrmonga @lewispool @saintandrea-droidsmuggler @coldheartedmar @sugarbabygirlofdaddy @nonsensical-nonce @a-distantdreamer @tita010 @leslizzle @javden @mloyer @saintandrea-droidsmuggler @magical-imagination-kgp @danarysstormborn @kakorrhaphiphobia @g-l-o-b-e-w-h-o-r-e @elizanav @neiich @luckyladycreator2 @scotlynaurora @belledawnidk

[murfpersonalblog]

Gotta wake up to this anon in the tags, undoubtedly referencing/shading what I reblogged here:

Nonny, at least say it to my face if you wanna call me an internalized misogynist, just cuz I don't cosign the predominately white court of popular opinion's dogma that ONLY sees Lestat as the female-coded victim of Louis' "abuse" of the crossdressing campy Queen Mother de Lioncourt; while you reject any acknowledgement let alone honest discussion of Lestat as the patriarchal Coven Master terrorizing his fledglings/children--even in effing 2022 when he's setting Rat Catcher ablaze with the Fire Gift in Louis' honor & kicking him out in to the hurricane--another round in the stormy romance of you two.

And plot twist: I (mostly) agree with nonny about Anne Rice, and how she engages with (trans)gender through Louis--and I agree with Nalyra that there's also complexity to how AR engages with Lestat LATER--10+ years AFTER IWTV & her daughter Michelle's death.

It's not at all easy to pin down, especially when in these convos about Loustat & gender, the most integral part of their dynamic is ALWAYS EXCLUDED by Lestans: CLAUDIA. She's only babytrapped cuz, as I've said 1000 times, Lestat was hyperaware of LOUIS' emotional/behavioral resemblance TO LESTAT'S MOTHER, GABRIELLE; and Louis' "maternal instinct," that resembled ANNE'S own excitement to be a mom.

Anne Rice is NOT saying Louis (or even Lestat!) represents her as a woman (in METAPHOR, not biology, DUH) cuz he crossdresses & gallivants around twirling his hair & flicking his limp wrists--I already discussed the effect of 18th century Franco-European dandyism on an 18th-century vampire stuck in the Rococo period (X X), where clothing is just ONE aspect of how masculinity & femininity are expressed--BY MEN.

Gender is MORE than Loustat crossdressing. Like I've said: it's misognyist to assume that everyone crossdressing is female-coded, while blatantly ignoring their BEHAVIOR--just like Nalyra said:

I have screamed & hollered from the rooftops this whole time how the power dynamics between Loustat are being grossly misunderstood or outright overlooked, as everyone gets distracted by fun & c*nty Lestat. Somehow, ONLY Lestat gets to represent Mother, but LOUIS DOESN'T!? Sus! But I'M the misogynist homophobe for calling y'all RACISTS who can't acknowledge/accept a Black gay man in a suit (or cardigan) as a female-coded representation of motherhood, when the show's beat y'all over the head with it 1000 times? SUS!

Esp. when I explicitly say Louis AS Woman, Louis AS Mother--nonny, grab a dictionary and realize that I didn't say Louis IS Mother, Louis IS Woman--it's SIMILE. It's METAPHOR. It's PARALLEL. It's CODING.

It's highly problematic to reject AR's own words being "not solid" evidence (anon), or downplay it as outdated/irrelevant (Nalyra), just cuz it doesn't align with your own interpretations. That's not how proper analysis of primary sources works. It's CONTEXTUAL evidence about the processes of personal growth; just like it's contextual how AR couched her shift to Lestat in direct relation to her tryna move past her maternal depression/grief via Louis. You cannot discuss one without the other, but that's all I ever see far too many ppl do: downplaying the foundational conceptualization of these characters within the books, film, and show alike; and hiding behind accusations of homophobia & misogyny rather than honestly engaging with the characters and their behavior. You wanna talk about misogyny? How about MISOGYNOIR, and how y'all don't know EFF ALL about BLACK MOTHERHOOD, and the hypermasculinization of Black gay men, to even BEGIN to fathom everything Louis represents in contrast & relation to Massa Lestat.

Cuz there's CERTAINLY a marked lack of discussion or acknowledgement about how race factors into all of this. I see NO mention/discussion/analysis of Lestat by that anon rejecting the other side of the conversation I'm arguing against--esp. the white privilege Lestat enjoys that allows him to be far freer with explorations of gender & sexuality than black!Louis, and thus embraced by his predominately white cis female fans--who find it so effing impossible/offensive to see the ways that HIS BEHAVIOR directly contradicts the feminist ideals about agency & autonomy they allege to hold oh-so-sacred--"crushing what you cannot own."

Which only further indicates that this particular propping up of Lestat in the fandom is being done at Louis'' expense in bad faith by bad actors running to everyone's accounts on anon and obfuscating the context they're even responding to.

Claudia never lied: "It's a STONING."

[beigetiger]

I get that other people might not see them in the same way, but Fletcher and Valkyrie are really, REALLY sibling coded to me (and for unrelated reasons, I hated them dating and am glad they broke up).

There is, of course, the playful and affectionate way they treat each other in phases 2 and 3. They’re silly, joking with each other, giving each other advice, and exchanging snacks. Stuff like that, it makes them SO fun to watch and I need more content that just is the two of them hanging out.

But the other part, and the aspect of their relationship that I’ve been thinking about nonstop for the past twelve hours, is the fact that they were both kind of adopted into the same abusive circle of adults when they were teenagers, and they were pretty much raised side-by-side for two years before Fletcher peaced out. Valkyrie showed up first because her uncle died and Skulduggery thought she showed potential, and Fletcher showed up later due to dire circumstances (and then nobody really bothered to get rid of him).

And that’s why I think they started dating, too. Not necessarily because they would’ve formed a healthy relationship in any way, but because they were LITERALLY the only child that the other was hanging out with. Everyone else was decades, if not centuries, older than them. And that’s not exactly a healthy basis for a relationship, so it does stand to reason that they would inevitably break up (which, GOOD). They’re also both in a better place (somewhat) as adults, which is why they then have a healthier form of interacting with each other.

Another thing about their relationship, and something that has stuck out to me since BOOK THREE, is the way that the adults around them treat them. Valkyrie is the parentified golden child, the one who’s so young but already so capable and mature, of course not taking into account the sheer amount of abuse she went through in order to act like a full-fledged adult at the ripe old age of FUCKING FOURTEEN.

Fletcher, on the other hand, was considered a failure and a fool, only useful for his teleportation ability. But if you actually look at his behaviour, you’ll realize the only crime this teenage boy committed was…acting like a teenage boy. By that point in time, the only other child present already acts like an adult, and so he’s considered the worthless and immature one, ESPECIALLY by Skulduggery, which totally doesn’t have any negative effects on Fletcher at all.

Because that’s ANOTHER thing, the fact that Fletcher considers Skulduggery to be something of a father figure. It’s implied by Valkyrie all the way back at around book four (I think) and is all but confirmed in book fifteen (UtE). Fletcher had daddy issues before, but they are CERTAINLY worse now. Skulduggery is really not vague about Valkyrie being the favoured child, and he constantly belittles and insults Fletcher, both to his face and behind his back, all the way into Fletcher’s adulthood. He doesn’t really care about Fletcher. CADAVER never cared about Fletcher, he simply acted like it to get Fletcher to trust him more. And so Fletcher actually leaving at eighteen, at refusing to be a soldier after the war is over, to instead become a TEACHER and generally avoid talking to Skulduggery, is fantastic! He’s growing as a person and is learning to cut one of the more toxic people in his life from it as much as possible. He gets to be his own person and love his own life without Skulduggery’s judgement hanging over him.

But VALKYRIE still isn’t free of Skulduggery, and he will pressure her into doing stupid shit. Such as, for example. Sniping a fascist while he gives a speech. Valkyrie agrees to it against literally all of her better judgement, and her trying to convince Fletcher to help them only leads to a confrontation between the two, where Fletcher brings up the scathing words of their shared grandfather-figure Kenspeckle and says that he was right. About Skulduggery, about Valkyrie, and about their relationship. The man who helped them both, who died when they were only teenagers.

The scene does such a good job highlighting their shared history and their lives as teenagers. They spent years growing up together, and that’ll always be there, even as they go down very different life paths.

There’s also something to be said about Fletcher having to repeatedly watch his sister figure turn into a god, as well as slowly lose her humanity over time because of the bullshit Skulduggery is making her do. Just like Kenspeckle said would happen.

[leader-of-grandys]

Okay it seems like rlly unpopular opinion in this fandom. I mean I saw a lot of fics, hdcs and posts where leroux!Erik is bi, pan or straighty and always very like VERY horny and very into all that stuff

but

BUT

I'll duplicate some of the thoughts that I wrote earlier. I personally see leroux!Erik as 1000% asexual because c’mon. This man is afraid of touching esp touching women. For him the biggest joy was INNOCENT KISS on the forehead. And judging by his wishes about his marriage where all he does is going for walkies while holding hands, singing and showing magic tricks is….. you know….. This speaks volumes. I bet he doesn't even think about other more physical aspects, for him it is just a fluffy romantic fantasy (and he's prob read hell of a lot snotty romantic novels while kicking his legs and screaming in pillow). He seeks romantic love and he wants to be loved and accepted as he is, but I see it as purely platonic feelings, not physical. And honestly how he treats Christine and calls her my angel, my saviour and all that stuff????? He idealises her to the core and sees her almost like a divine being - pure and kind. Do you really think that he would project his fantasies on her????? (but I highly doubt that he even has them and I see him as a castrato but its a whole different topic for another day) Do you think he would even allow himself to do that???? I bet he would just roll on the floor like sopping wet cat and scream that he's not allowed to touch this pure being with his disgusting cadaverous hands. Erik was SHOCKED that someone WILLINGLY touched him without running away, showed him compassion and understanding even despite his abuse and threats. All that because he thought he didn't deserve it, that he is so ugly that he can't be treated like a normal human being.

Also about that marriage stuff. I think Erik didn't desire the marriage as most ppl do. For him its just a way to prove that he is like everyone else because wakie wakie, it is a 19th century's heteronormative society where if you are single and were never married at almost 50 years old, then something is deeply wrong with you. Erik didn't want to marry in a first place - for him it's just an instrument to fit in in a strict society that rejected him. Honestly its sooooo autistic coded for me (I'm autistic btw). Dude just went too hard in attempt to fit in but failed miserably. Another thing for me that strikes is that the marriage for Erik could be seen as a guarantee that the person he loves will never leave him (bc divorces at that time were an awfully difficult procedure, you know). He was so insecure about himself, scared to death that he would be abandoned, betrayed, and rejected again and then boom, there's a guarantee drop, a wonderful idea that everyone praised and romanticised in all books. Marriage. You don't have to handcuff anyone to the battery and cry on the floor praying not to leave you because the law will do it for you. I think you see where I'm going. I also have high suspicions where's Erik really felt love or he was so lonely and depressed at that point of his life that he accepted an ordinary friendship and politeness as a pure and beautiful love to the grave (literally) and the only chance for happiness. When Christine didn't suspect a thing, he already drew in his diary himself walking with her in the park and framing it with hearts while lying on the bed like a schoolgirl. Again very autistic trait that I've noticed in myself. To think that you are a genius and have thought everything 10 steps ahead, that the person will act according to your plan and that the regular good word (said purely out of politeness by the person who is not interested in you) is the beginning of a great unbreakable friendship for the ages. If you know you know. I rlly see it as Erik imagined himself castles in the air and saw his deep desire for friendship and acceptance as true love. Because all pll are saying that love is great so it 100% must be it, right? ...........................right? The problem with interpreting your true emotions and feelings are unironically hard. Phew, okay. What I'm trying to say is that I see leroux!Erik as an asexual autistic individual. I don't say that it's canon and theres the only way to view this character because what I say is based not only on my unbiased analysis but also on my neurodivergent experience and kinda similar life problems (but much, MUCH LESS serious and with access to therapy and treatment). Pls don't write mean things to me if you disagree, you have your right to do so but do it outside my askbox. I’m open to discussion but not conflicts. Thanks

[thenightling]

Demisexual and Queer language

There's been some heated "debate" about the word demisexual and if it is necessary.

I admit there are certain words I don't really think are necessary but I sort of like the sound of, like Pansexual.

First, to be clear, Bisexual didn't originally mean "excluding nonbinary and trans." It wasn't a strict attraction to the binary. It wasn't transphobic or nonbinary-phobic. And most self-identified bisexuals, even now, do NOT heed these newly added restrictions.

Bisexual was a third option when, once upon a time, there were only two options.

Late into the 90s (and even now) there are still some gay folk who think bisexuality is a myth and you have to be attracted to one or the other, men or women, but cannot be potentially attracted to all genders / either gender.

For a lot of bisexuals the term means attraction to your own gender and all other genders. And that's what the "bi" actually means. I only like the term pansexual because of its connection to the Greek Pan.

There was even the weird stigma and notion that bisexual meant you were horny for everyone. Into the 2000s you saw this in pop culture even with beloved characters like Jack Harkness in Doctor Who and as recently as the AMC Interview with The Vampire TV show version of Lestat, where bisexual felt like code for "Horny for everything" and even physically abusive and dominating. Odd that the 90s movie depiction of Lestat felt less... negative-stereotype-y.

Anyway, for a lot of older Queer folk "bisexual" was still a new term as recently as the 90s. When David Bowie came out as bisexual in 1972 a reporter mistakenly took that to mean he had the sex organs of a man and a woman. (Source: the 1993 book "Bowie: In his own words.")

Bowie was so stigmatized by America's obsession with him being bisexual that he walked back into the closet until the mid-2000s when he came back out and admitted he had only gone back into the closet because he was sick of American reporters asking him about it. And he admitted it felt like no other country did that, just America.

And when Vincent Price's daughter found out that her father had been bisexual she ran to Roddy McDowall and confronted him by asking "Why didn't you tell me my father was bisexual?" and Roddy responded with "We didn't know the word. How can you deny something when you don't know the word?"

Based on Roddy McDowall's response about Vincent Price, there are probably a lot of older and historic Queer folk who were actually bisexual but the moment they had any same-sex attraction the title of "homosexual" was pinned to them.

Language evolves for a reason. The acceptance of the idea that someone could be attracted to more than one gender is why we have the word bisexual. Demisexual has always existed, we just didn't have a term for it. Yes, there are a lot of new terms in the LGBTQAI+ spectrum. And change can be scary. This is why a lot of folk have started to positively use the term Queer, to keep things simple while also taking back a word some used to slur-like capacity. The 1963 novel The Man who fell to Earth by Walter Tevis had a line "He walked like a queer." and in the 1970s that line was changed to "He walked like a homosexual." I half-imagine that if Walter Tevis was still alive he would acknowledge the character Nathan Bryce's internalized homophobia (the character whose internal monologue uses the description) or drop the description entirely but it is interesting to note that the original wording would be more accepted today than back in 1963 when it was first published.

[tschulijulesjulie]

I need book recommendations please. I read captive prince and I’m losing my mind.

ooooh gladly!

so first of all, nothing really compares to CaPri, however i do have some - imo - very good recommendations that might have similar vibes.

The Kingdoms by Natasha Pulley - historical (18th and 19th century) Fantasy. Amnesia and time-travelling, with a veeeery Laurent-coded love interest.

The Scottish Boy by Alex De Campi - historical (14th century) Captive/Prisoner and (reluctant) man who has to hold him captive, secret identity, political schemes, revenge, war

Solomons Crown by Natasha Siegel - historical (12th century), Crown Prince of England (Richard Lionheart) and King of France (Philipp II) falling in love despite their countries being enemies, political schemes, strained family relationship to the point of going to war against family members, allies to enemies to allies again

A Taste of Gold and Iron by Alexandra Rowland - not my personal favourite but still good, Fabtasy, outstanding non-european-centric world-building, anxiety rep, queer-normative, Disgraced Prince and his guard(s) having to uncover a political intrigue that could dethrown his sister, the monarch, nightly shenenigans in taverns while hiding their identity, forced proximity, kinda co-dependent relationship

Winters Orbit by Everina Maxwell - SciFy, Prince has to marry the widow of his cousin for diplomatic reasons who then gets accused of having killed his first husband, political intrigue, past abuse

Fence by CS Pacat and Johanna the Mad - graphic novels, sports (fencing), YA?, might be an entirely different setting but the character dynamics are reminiscent of CaPri/ you can tell Pacats writing

The Aeneid by Virgil - the great Roman epic. to this day im convinced Pacat might have drawn some inspiration from this (or possibly the Odyssee and the Iliad)

I hope that helps. Thank you for your ask!

[legoflowrs]

HEADCANNONS

c/w: drinking, drugs, addiction, abuse, slight nsfw

AGED UP TO 18 MY PEOPLE!!!!

A/N: ok so in the headcannons he’s with Stan cause Style is very dear to my heart but in the relationship headcannons he’s with reader xx

Kyle Broflovski

- Massive fucking NERD!! (pls i love nerds).

- Got straight A’s throughout high school.

- Was on the honour roll and was on student council.

- Firm believer in basketball Kyle supremacy.

- Came out as Demisexual and Bisexual (male leaning).

- Stopped being super strict on Kosher throughout high school but kept that a secret from Sheila.

- Never stopped being insecure about his nose. Literally at one point started saving for a nose job till Stan talked him out of it.

- Drinks almond milk.

- Thinks thrifting is gross cause he’s a germaphobe. Washes his hands like 50 times a day.

- When I hear the song Basic Instinct it reminds me of Kyle.

- The Smiths > The Cure.

- Style: Stan fell first, Kyle fell harder (bro i love these dweebs lol).

- Was legit so in denial about being in love with Stan for the longest time.

- His Dad pushed him to study law but he ended up studying psychology to become a child psychologist because he saw the effects of unchecked mental health in children while he grew up.

- Got really drunk once and Kenny pierced his septum. He has it flipped up most of the time.

- Hates glasses so wears contacts.

- Such a fkn mummas boy lol it honestly was a problem at one point.

- Didn’t do his own laundry till he moved out. Did not know how to put sheets on a bed 👍

- Such a good relationship with Ike, he would die for his little brother.

- Did someone say abandonment issues!!!! Could not keep a partner to save his life during high school.

- Smoked weed with Kenny twice and then freaked out after he greened out.

- Got addicted to nicotine during college and used it as an outlet because he put so much pressure on himself to be perfect. Spoke to his doctor and he’s trying to quit.

- Defs listens to Phoebe Bridgers because he has a strange relationship with his dad.

- His dad pushed him to be perfect all the time until Kyle had a massive breakdown in junior year that burnt him out for a long time.

- A family man!!! Wants kids pretty early on into his life.

- A god at poker.

- Hates taking photos of himself.

- Still pretty insecure about his hair but Kenny and Stan helped himself to accept it and even start taking good care of it.

- Really struggled with anger issues.

- Stopped speaking to Cartman completely.

- Forest green is his favourite colour.

- Writes poems and makes people cry with how nice his birthday card messages are.

- First out his friends to get a license. His parents paid for his car.

- Such a damn backseat driver.

- Didn’t really work until he moved out.

- I think he’d help Heidi out at the community gardens.

- After Heidi finally ended things with Cartman, her and Kyle became really close friends.

- Had a friendly academic rivalry with Wendy through high school.

- Him and Wendy study together in college often.

- Has a record player.

- Grew closer to Craig’s gang in senior year of high school. Goes record shopping with Tolkien.

- Very accident prone.

- Has diabetes.

- Loves picnics and simple activities like stargazing.

- Smells like pine needles and the ocean.

- Actually a fantastic swimmer.

- Did drama in sophomore year.

- A massive library in his house. Had to instil a book ban on himself because he was spending all his money on it.

- Really nice eyelashes.

- Comes home to celebrate Hanukkah with his family every year.

- Did long distance with Stan during college. They almost broke up a few times but pulled through.

- Enjoys taking pictures of nature.

- Takes Ike to the movies very often.

- Has the nicest knitted sweaters.

- His guilty pleasure is Taylor Swift.

- HE IS SO MIRRORBALL CODED.

- When he’s in a good mood he loves baking and often bakes for his friends.

- Kenny, Kyle and Stan do day trips together super often. In my world these three never grew apart they are inseparable 🤞🤞

Kyle in a relationship

- An absolute gentleman. Refuses to let you get out of his car without him opening the door for you. Holds doors and pulls out seats. Always gives you his jacket.

- Was very insecure about his sexual inexperience. But y’all guided each other through it. I think there’s something so sweet and special about that.

- Touch tank by quinnie is all I have to say 😼.

- Loves kissing your neck and ears. He kisses your knuckles as well it’s very tender.

- Combusts when he sees you getting along with his family. Especially his Mum and Ike.

- Let’s you touch his hair, it relaxes him a lot.

- Opens up to you about his struggle with his Dad and nicotine. You are his biggest supporter through it all.

- Even though he hates photos, he’ll have a polaroid of y’all in his phone and wallet. Plus a photo booth strip in his car.

- Y’all will bake at midnight together.

- You go on fancy dinner dates together and rate the restaurants in the car together.

- Avid Letterboxed users lol! Give each other show and movie recommendations all the time.

- Kyle always had trouble sleeping but there was something very comforting about your presence so he’ll spend a lot of time at your dorm.

- Writes poems for you.

- Brings you flowers every time the old bouquet dies (ugh what a man).

- BUYS YOU LEGO FLOWERS!!!

- His love languages are gift giving and quality time.

- Keeps a list of all the dates you’ve been on.

- Will take such good photos of you fr! Your biggest hype man.

- I think his short temper would be a problem for you guys but he loves you so much he works on it so hard.

- Your praise means the absolute world to him.

- You guys always go to carnival together and share a caramel apple, it’s like tradition now.

- Couples costume for halloween always.

- Asks for your Dads/Mums/Guardians blessing before he proposes to you.

- Loves the smell of your perfume/cologne. Like it’s seriously intoxicating.

- Proposes to you with his Grandmas ring.

a/n: guys i love kyle so much i’m gonna make his mood board now <3

also if any of these are ooc in ur opinion it’s just for funsies and my opinion hehe

[character-profiles]

Discord lore update?

Overview:

Discord's Exclamania is essentially a reset starting right as the Interrobang War starts, this time with Terro being the one to declare war, and Status only coming in a bit later.

Nefarious and Sel aren't here, but Artemis, Cleck and Hecx are active much earlier than their [tumblr] counterparts.

Prof, CMD, and Unskilled are also here early, and are the only ones who remember the events of [tumblr]'s Exclamania. They are currently trying to find each other and figuring out how to navigate D!Exclamania.

Redacted is also here earlier, but he is nothing like the [tumblr] counterpart. He is currently going under the name RE/CODED. He is now a cishet white man.

(Rest in pieces, Redacted.)

Terro, Mini, and Hecx, using a certain book a developer had snuck into the game, have accidentally summoned Bill Cipher, and got Mini possessed.

Specifics:

Prof

Discord!Prof was initially from a private roleplay hosted by members of the Gimmickverse, now indefinitely inactive. He was captured and somehow brought to the physical plane where he would've been stuck in an unknown facility for eternity, had he not taken a deal with a strange entity who Prof calls "Proxy".

This deal was more of a favor, offering Prof a way out, but not exactly getting him home, which was [tumblr]'s Exclamania. Proxy currently serves as Prof's narrator in the D!Exclamania.

Unskilled

Unskilled being here is all his own doing, having ended up here after trying to bring an end to his own existence yet again.

CMD

CMD ended up here after getting a virus and dying. He and Unskilled also seem to have played a role in each other's death, and subsequent arrival to D!Exclamania.

Cleck

A dreamwalker from the Ludoplane who ended up in Exclamania after some sort of cataclysmic event. He is searching for a way back while having to navigate through Exclamania's inherent chaos.

Artemis

Having been released from the Concept Art Book early by Cleck, she has started traveling the land to explore the differences and understand the current Exclamania. As of now, she seems to be headed down the same path as T!Exclamania.

Terro

Very similar to T!Terro, but his actual identity and affiliation isn't widely known yet, currently taking up the role as a mysterious shadowy figure leading the other punctuations to war against the Exclams.

Hecx

Still a curse giving child, this time with actual parental figures, that being Gyne and Jewelia, the rulers of a prominent Game Bug Colony. They're friends with Mini and Terro, though they aren't exactly fond of Terro.

Mini & Games

Still the same characters, this time on a different path of fate thanks to Bill's meddling. Mini is currently a spirit chasing down their own body, while Games tries to do damage control for Bill's shenanigans.

Status

Prideful and arrogant, Status is hardly any different from that of his [tumblr] counterpart. Still the guardian of the Updates Zone, and a frequent abuser of his power over the game's effects and states.

RE/CODED (may not be entirely accurate)

Much like ReSet, RE/CODED acts as an extension of the developers' will. Speaking of ReSet...

Reese(Reset)

Still the same old Reese, the attention seeker with a superiority complex who wields power that shouldn't be given to a child. Wouldn't be that much of a threat if it weren't for the brains behind the operation, Terms.

Terms and Conditions

The one with the real power, as well as the brains to use it, Terms remains a villain from behind the scenes, and a threat to everyone.

Terms and Reese being active so early in the timeline is bound to cause problems, threatening to be a presence that shouldn't be ignored.

Amethyst

An ex-dev now hacker, Amey is a threat both to Elysium and Exclamania in both timelines.

In T!Exclamania, they were the ones to release Tyria from the Torture Nexus, and threatened to wipe out the game bugs.

In D!Exclamania, they serve as an agent of chaos, waiting for the perfect time to strike.

Bill Cipher

Pretty much exactly what you'd expect. Biding his time and creating chaos while he puts the pieces in place to give himself full reign over Exclamania.

There are quite a few more new and returning characters who aren't all too prominent yet, and as a result I don't know too much about them. I'll be doing my best to stay informed as things progress.

I expect the next update here will include two characters of interest, the returning Fan and newcomer Malware.

[orecana]

To reach you

Lee heeseung x male reader

hello everyone! this is a new fic and i hope you enjoy it. Thanks to everyone who read and like my fic.

this fic and title is inspired by (To reach you from memory fabricators from produce 48)

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING FIC CONTAINS

DEPRESSION

ANGST

MENTIONS OF DEATH

PHYSICAL AND VERBAL ABUSE

ATTEMPTED ARRANGED MARRIAGE

If any of the following triggers you in anyways, please click off the fic. thank you for your understanding. now let's get into the fic

"YOU ARE SUCH A FAILURE!"

a resounding slap was heard through out the house as a man slap a young boy extremely hard making him fall down. The woman gasps and tries to help the young boy but the man punches her in the face so hard it knocks her out. a sickening crack was heard as the woman drops onto the floor with blood everywhere on her face. drops of blood fell from the man's hands as he approaches the boy and grabs him by the collar.

"I'LL END YOU AND THAT WOMAN TONIGHT!"

He raises his fist and hits the boy.

*Gasps*

a boy woke up from his nightmare. His eyes were red and puffy with eyebags surrounding it. his skin was pale as snow as he gets off the bed. he reaches for the remote on the table besides his bed and turns on the tv.

"1 2 CONNECT! hello, we are enhypen!"

The young adult smiles as he watches his favorite idols do hilarious things and participates in fun games. Unintentionally, he reaches for the dark blood album that he bought months ago. He opens it and picks up a photocard. Even though it brings him great pain from remembering it but he still loves him even after all these years being far apart.

Lee heeseung

he shed tears again just by seeing his photocard. He cries bitterly as he reaches for the book sitting near his bed. It was a diary.

He opens it to see all those moments from when they were young and naive. when they became best friends. when they promised to always remember each other when heeseung moved away.

especially, when he fell for lee heeseung.

"Today, we have a special event for our fans! we are actually very curious about our fans. So you guys can submit random videos of something that you are good at doing and we'll do a live tomorrow to see most of it."

jungwon stops mid second before putting on a poker face.

"but please, don't put anything that is not appropriate. we will not hesitate to ban you."

He then changed back to his usual happy self.

"Goodbye, engenes!"

All of the enhypen members says goodbye before tuning off.

y/n sits there with a thought on his mind. He wants to do it but at the same time he doesn't want to because he's not sure if heeseung will remember him. After a while, He stands up and takes a shower. after changing out of his pajamas, He sits on his desk and opens a code locked drawer. in it was a paper filled with lyrics.

This is the only chance y/n can talk with heeseung even if it's only through video. If this doesn't work, then lee heeseung will no longer be in his life.

"i hope it reaches you heeseungie."

heeseung wanted to sleep but i can't. I'm really anxious for tomorrow. Will he submit a video or not? will he try to communicate with him or not?

Even though they have been separated all these years, heeseung still remembers y/n. There was never a time when he forgets his childhood friend or his case, crush.

he couldn't help but fall for the boy at that time and even begins to make advances. However, his mother was not happy with this development even going as far as to arrange his future marriage with some random girl that heeseung was sure he wanted to send to the depths of hell.

Luckily, His father was more supportive and gradually convinces his mother to drop it. She reluctantly agrees but only on the condition that y/n won't break his heart.

Heeseung was extremely happy about this. but the dreaded news come that their mother had an offer overseas. They couldn't let heeseung's mother go alone so the entire family had to go. He wanted to say goodbye but they were in a rush so he couldn't even call or text the other boy.

Heeseung felt a tear roll down his cheek as he shook out of his mind. he wipes it before trying again to fall asleep.

Unexpectedly, he felt someone caresses his back. he looks back to see jungwon who gives him a look of sadness and worry.

"are you thinking of him again, hyung?

He looks down. He wanted to deny it but nothing escapes jungwon's keen eye.

"yes."

"don't worry, if he's really your irreplaceable friend, he will come and support you. i'm sure he's looking for a way to talk to you as well."

Heeseung felt better after jungwon calmed him down.

"thanks, jungwonie."

"It's nothing hyung, what are friends for?"

Jungwon goes out of the room into his own room as heeseung is finally able to fall asleep with only one thought in mind.

to see y/n again.

"1 2 CONNECT! hello we are enhypen!"

"just as we have promised yesterday, we will now look at our engenes videos and get closer to you guys." jungwon says

"We won't be watching every clip so if your video isn't included in the live then we apologize in advance." jay reminds engenes

"without further ado, let's get into the videos. the first one is from (name)." jake says

*timeskip*

"some of these clips are pretty funny but some of our engenes are really talented." sunghoon states.

"oooh, this one is very interesting. It's a song cover of to reach you. There's also a message. it says (will you come for me, prince ethan?" sunoo announces.

Hearing that make heeseung freeze. His body was moving on its own and goes in front to make sure that the message was real.

There it was, the message really was attached to the video.

'did you really come y/n?'

"c-can you play it sunoo?"

sunoo nods and plays the video. (credits to original owner)

cheoreoptteon uri eorin nare yaksok (The promise we made when we were young) geu mari saenggagi na (I’m thinking of those words) jjalbatteon manyang haengbokhaetteon gieok (Short but happy memory) yunanhi geuriun nal Oh~ Yeah (I’m missing you today)

sarangiran geureon heunhan mari (A common word like ‘love’) uriegen jogeum teukbyeolhaetji (Was special to us) seotulgo eosaekhaedo baraman bwado (Even if you are clumsy and awkward,) Oh~ Baby

heeojimdo ashwiumdo (Saying goodbye, and regrets) geugeonmajeodo geuriweo (I miss everything)

It really is y/n. even after all these years, heeseung can never forget that sweet voice of his childhood crush.

Hearing these words made heeseung thinks of the time when they were still young (no pun intended) of those times when they were still friends who would play hide and seek and venture recklessly into the unknown. The promise.....

"Heeseungie, when we grow up i want you to be my prince!"

"what? but you're not a princess though y/n"

"So? I love you and you love me right? you don't need a princess when you have me right?"

past heeseung smile. "okay, i promise to be your prince y/n."

"Heeseungie..... where are you? i'm here...... why did you leave me?"

past y/n cries when he heard that heeseung moved from there.

jeonhaji mothaetteon geu mal neoege dakireul (The words I couldn’t say, I hope they reach you) seoroga aetatteon geu mam ijeneun dakireul (I hope our feelings reach each other) birok meolli itjiman han (Even though we’re far away) georeum deo dakireul (I hope we can get one step closer) neol weonhago weonhaetteon nae mam (I wanted and wanted you) neoege dakireul (I hope my feelings reach you)

suturutu suturutu suturutu neoege dakireul (To reach you) suturutu suturutu suturutu

eottae neon? neodo geureon saenggak hani (What about you? do you feel the same?) uri cheoeum mannatteon nal (The day we first met) gakkeum nan neoreul kkumsogeseo manna (Sometimes I meet you in my dreams) ajikdo itji mothae (I still think about you) Oh~ Yeah

Heeseung unconsciously slips tears while listening to y/n's voice covering this song making the fans go crazy in the comments, asking why heeseung is crying. some of the members also notices and niki gives him a slight nudge but heeseung didn't budge. He was too busy thinking of their times apart. It's crazy how this song truly expresses how they felt right now.

ibyeoriran geureon heunhan mari (A common word like ‘goodbye’) yunanhido naegen jidokhaetji (Was so painful for me) jinagan shigan soge neol mannagireul (After all this time I still want to meet you again) Oh~ Baby

dashi mannal seolleimdo (The anticipation of seeing you again) geugeonmajeodo geuriweo (I miss everything)

Heeseung also remembers when he was on the plane with his parents to another country. He couldn't say goodbye to his y/n, he cried during that plane ride because he thought he broke their promise and left without saying goodbye.

jeonhaji mothaetteon geu mal neoege dakireul (The words I couldn’t say, I hope they reach you) seoroga aetatteon geu mam ijeneun dakireul (I hope our feelings reach each other) birok meolli itjiman han (Even though we’re far away) georeum deo dakireul (I hope we can get one step closer) neol weonhago weonhaetteon nae mam (I wanted and wanted you) neoege dakireul (I hope my feelings reach you)

meollimeolli jogeum orae shigani geollyeodo (Too far, too long even if it takes some time) cheoeum bwatteon geuttae geu nalcheoreom (Like the day I first met you)

gieoknani? seotulgiman haetteon neowa na (Do you remember? you and me, we were so awkward) maemdolgiman haetteon urideure jinannaldeul (We only circled around each other all this time)

Heeseung looks at the other members who were also entranced by y/n's vocals, some were even holding back their tears. He chuckled a bit at this part. Their first meet was something else. They met when y/n somehow got his head stuck in one of the kid slides. Heeseung had to pull him out and they went tumbling all over the playground. after that y/n avoided heeseung because he was embarassed but they soon became best friends after heeseung offered to play with him.

eonjena yeogi seo isseul geoya geurae (I’ll always be here, that’s right) Oh~ Yeah! geu nalcheoreom (Just like that day)

(Woo)

jeonhaji mothaetteon geu mal neoege dakireul (The words I couldn’t say, I hope they reach you) seoroga aetatteon geu mam ijeneun dakireul (I hope our feelings reach each other)

aetatteon geu mam (hope our feelings) birok meolli itjiman han (Even though we’re far away) georeum deo dakireul (I hope we can get one step closer) neol weonhago weonhaetteon nae mam (I wanted and wanted you) neoege dakireul (I hope my feelings reach you)

suturutu suturutu suturutu neoege dakireul (to reach you) suturutu suturutu suturutu nae mami dakireul (I hope my heart reaches you)

even though the song has already ended, the members were stuck for a bit, entranced by the song. Jungwon was the first to snap out of it and announces that this will be the last one they will watch today.

" it has been a fun day and we have seen what engenes can do" jungwon giggles

"We're gonna end the live now, goodbye Engenes!"

jungwon turns off the live and looks at his eldest hyung.

"you can go and rest hyung."

heeseung looks at jungwon and smiles, grateful at his leader.

"thanks wonie, i'll go get some fresh air."

heeseung exits that room and wanders around. He gets out of the dorm for a sec and takes a deep breath.

"Boo~"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"Heeseungie. if you shout that loud you're gonna make my ears bleed."

That voice.... Heeseung couldn't believe it but he look at his left to see the person that has been the cause of his problems right now.

"y-y/n?"

"your mom contacted me after she saw the song, said that she's getting sick and tired of seeing her son mope around."

y/n giggle showing his ever beautiful smile that heeseung cherished so much. Heeseung walks toward y/n and cups his cheeks with both of his hands. y/n looks up meeting heeseung eyes as they stared at each other admiring the others visuals. They lean in closer, their mouths centimeters apart and they can feel their breaths against each other.

"Can i kiss you my dear y/n?"

"Of course my prince."

They kissed as a bright flash flickers from behind heeseung but they couldn't care less not when they have each other in their arms.

heeseung pulls back and smiles at y/n who only return a smile.

"i'm sorry i couldn't say goodbye, but now i can fulfill our promise."

Y/n giggles as heeseung pecks his lips before turning around.

"i'm heading back in the dorm, I'll see you when i have a free schedule my dear."

"I will wait for you then, my prince. I love you."

y/n walks home after his lovely time with heeseung as he blushes and squeals like a high schooler in love.

'I'm glad i covered that song. Now our hearts are connected with each other.

unknowingly, heeseung mutters the same words.

"My feelings have finally reached you my dear/prince."

[adragonsfriend]

Reading Darth Plagueis,

by James Luceno.

Ok I finished this book. It was a wild ride, here are some highlights, (anything in quotes, " ", is in fact, a direct quote). Spoilers, I guess.

———

“At some point, probably when he was focused on murder, a rock or other projectile had pulped a large area of his lower back.”--Plagueis

Yeah man that always happens to me too when I’m focused on murder

———

Me thinking, *Plagueis is way too normal for a sith,* about five seconds before the narration goes *Plagueis was hungry. he thought about eating the eggs of some sentient lizards and also the sentient lizards themselves, but restrained himself*

———

Plagueis, a banker: nOt all mUNns R bAnkErS u kNoW

A pirate who wants a bribe: be better for you if you were some financial wizard

Plagueis, a literal wizard:

———

Captain La (the random pirate): how do u know my name

Plagueis: *truthing* I sliced you ship’s systems,

Plagueis: *lying* it’s not like I’m a telepath or something

———

*at the evil rich people party*

"Republic senators, at least those that weren’t present, would be subjected to ridicule—"

I love how the narration says "subjected" like Bail Organa would give fuck about some assholes making fun of him

———

Plagueis in a business meeting as hego damask:

Repeats himself multiple times conducting experiments in trying to force suggest to a resistant species

His assistant: bro what r u doing ur making us look bad

———

omg young Palpatine is so Anakin coded. Genuinely he throws tantrums it’s perfect

———

Tag this accidental baby acquisition some random dathomiri lady just handed maul over like a sac of potatoes

———

Sidious, about to gaslight, girlboss, gatekeep, mansplain, manipulate, and threaten to manslaughter Nute Gunray within an inch of his life all in the span of a 2 minute zoom call: *wearing his Sith cloak on their holocall* what is up my guy? did u get the rare collectible bird I sent u anonymously a while back?

Nute Gunray: uhh…yes…um… its very nice…who are you and why r u hiding in that hood bro?

Sidious: it's the traditional clothing of my Order

Gunray: ur a cleric?

Sidious: "Do I seem like a holy man to you?"

Me: the only holes I see here are in your logic, morals, ability to feel compassion, and *waves hand all encompassingly* vibes

———

Dooku: if one more Jedi dies because of the indolence of the republic, I’ll leave the Jedi and refuse to look back

Palpatine: *listening attentively*

———

Plagueis & Maul: (separately) gloat about being Sith Lords to people they’re about to kill

Sidious:

Sidious: these idiots cannot keep a secret to save their lives—

———

Plagueis ACTUALLY believes Sidious is about to appoint him co-chancellor. what an idiot.

———

Padme shocking both Sith at every turn during the Naboo crisis is sending me

———

Oooh Sidious' murder rant is incredible. He's like Plagueis you manipulated and abused me, now i'm gonna kill you so I can go do that to other people without you hanging over my shoulder. It's like the evil but still cathartic version of Zuko's speech to Firelord Ozai.

———

Dooku: That zabrak guy was definitely a Sith. There has to be another one, probably the master

Sidious, standing right next to him in a shadowy warehouse wearing a black cloak: “how would one even begin to know where to look for this other Sith?”

———

“For an instant, Palpatine perceived a touch of his younger self in Skywalker”

This book needs to stop. Maybe consider pulling its punches sometime. The only mark of disapproval I have here is that this is portraying Obi-Wan as an asshole for the five seconds he’s present

———

Bad news, the book did indeed stop. I have been gravely injured, but also greatly amused. The experience of reading this book is just constant vacillation between *wow so Sith Lord, so scary, so evil* and *Plagueis, my guy, that is the dumbest ideology I’ve ever heard. maybe if you took a nap (for the first time in 20 years) you’d finally say something that made sense*

I will also confess that I was taking detailed notes about Plagueis for an AU idea I have that I will not be starting for at least another year because I am married to BHOT and I refuse to be like the rest of you sorry fucks with 17 wips (ignoring that fanfic is in fact the only genre of writing I do not have at least 17 wips in)