#while im still coherent
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I'm doing some thinking I'm plotting I'm scheming I'm making moves I'm PLANNING!!!!
#jane journals#while im still coherent#self insert talk#ahfggg im still retconning shit for my ship w toshi cause like#i havent seen the episodes w him where its like when he was going to UA#but he was SUUUCH A CUTIE I LOVE HIS DESIGN!!#i wanna maybe perhaps make it that my s/i was a transfer student back then. maybe even learning under recovery girl like i mentioned#but maybe they have a little bit of a thing going on little flirty teen crushes#and THEN she goes back to cali and not long after he interns there#and its kinda like 'hey you 😏💘💘'#then they form a relationship as adults#then The Breakup happens. planning shit for that too#and then the separation then reunion and FOREVER MARRIAGE 👉👈#im doing thinking and im planning drawings and shit#❤️ scars and stripes 💙
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Guess who lied!! Me!
If I made a spelling mistake it's because I can't spell
#ok so you know gow i said i was gonna give up for a while? i still am! im just gonna draw for fun ans not worry anymore!!#anatomy? character design? coherentness? no thanks! i doodle now yay#also im emotional bc im about to start my period (this os so predictable now but i keep forgetting i get like this every month)#moondrop#maudiemoods art tag#security breach moondrop#sundrop#fnaf security breach#security breach sundrop
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in s3ep2, eleanor tells mrs. hudson she doesnt come from privilege, which mrs. hudson immediately denies. but i think its SOOO telling of eleanor's character! she sees herself as a woman in a world full of men, which she is, but she completely ignores the class and racial divides she obviously benefits from. she claims she has no privilege to mrs. hudson, who comes from no money and works as a chambermaid to woodes rodgers, leaving behind her beloved children to make sure eleanor has clean clothes and to empty her chamberpot. eleanor had power on nassau, power she wielded for her own benefit and to the severe detriment of others. obviously she experienced misogyny, but she was never forced into poverty, never forced into sex work, never forced into service of any kind, because her father was wealthy and she was born into a higher class. her experiences of misogyny and oppression are vastly different than mrs. hudson's. but for her to tell a chambermaid she experienced no privilege? it's laughably untrue. eleanor oversaw and directly profitted from the trade of hundreds if not thousands of slaves on nassau, was raised by "chattel property of the guthrie estate" mr. scott, who is never even given a name in his own tongue (on screen, at least), never showed kindness to anyone but those who put money in her pocket because she was born with that money and that trade empire already in the guthrie name. she had to fight to get it, and fight she did, but the fact that those things were so close to her reach just by virtue of the circumstances of her birth? that's privilege, whether or not she sees it that way
#eleanor is a character i love and hate - shes so INTERESTING analysis wise and im still chewing on her motives etc but i dont like her as a#character within thr story - shes selfish and deceitful and shortsighted (max i could treat u so good baby please-) and she makes me mad lol#BUT. thinking abt her in relation to mr scott and madi ? VERY interesting... writing a piece on this now actually!#i also think shes so White Feminist - recognizes injustice wrt her experience and hers alone and discwrds any notion of intersectionality#because while she can recognize oppression and injustice she cannot see the whole picture and thus only thinks of how it affects her#billy is similar i think but my thoughts onthat havent quite coagulated into anything coherent yet#canis speaks#black sails#canis watches black sails
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drops these humanloops and runs
#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#thy mizzled arts#had the overwhelming urge last night to make my own human loop and uhhh yeah#funfact i think their scar skinmark thingy is like their star head while sif's looks like the four pointed star teehee#also im at the ocean coast which is why they get to wear somewhay beachy stuff#though thinking about it.. i think theyd prefer the sea over the sky. like it still has that painful nostalgia#but after literally beocming a star theyd find solace in the sea rather than the night sky#idk if that was coherent at all im too sleepy for this#isat#in stars and time#isat loop#loop isat#in stars and time loop#loop in stars and time
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the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.
he never was.
#ramblings#incoherent beyond belief its 4 am#and im trying to avoid manga spoilers#might add a reblog with more coherent thoughts when i wake up but im off my meds so i cant promise anything#actually correction im being vague w the manga spoilers#manga readers know whats up#idk if there are any anime only ppl who havent been spoiled on The Plottwist Ever yet#but i figured there will be new fans and though im not tagging this it might still get seen so#cant WAIT to see our boy absolutely miserable in animation form should they recreate that arc LMAOOO#which ofc is after the germany arc so thats still a long time away#but STILL. itd be fun i need to see this young teenager lose his mind in color with sound#him relying on sebastian to do all his fag duties (sorry. dredge) so he can work his way up the social ladder#trying to gain power while simultaneously proving that he cant do anything but rely on others#hes always needed help in basically every way and he hasnt CHANGED he just got a demon to do it for him#he learns to lie and charm and cheat and all the while hes a fucking CHILD WHO STILL STRUGGLES WITH NORMAL THINGS#ciel is my little baby and i love him deeply no matter how much of a little bitch he can be#his helplessness isnt just 'oh he was raised in british high society' its also that he never got the chance to learn anything#which to elaborate on that id also have to go into manga territory. iykyk#like absolutely at this point he just refuses to learn how to do things he has a pet demon to do it for him#but.#hi the phantomhives backstory is killing me again its so late#both atlantic and the school arc are just setup for the Big Arc but theyre very good in their own right i SWEAR#also when i rewatched the circus arc a while back and i realised how some scenes were shot#the heavy foreshadowing that i didnt realise. yk. 7 years ago or however long its been since i first watched it#CRAZY#if you are new. to kuroshitsuji. and you havent read the manga. dear god. read the manga#ALSO GRELLE IN THAT ARC IS SO BEAUTIFUL & OTHELLO IS TRANSMASCULINE. OKAY GOODBYE
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saw the substance! actually unwell right now 😀
#i sat in my car for ten minutes and drvoe home on autopilot#still am physically and mentally unable to form coherent thoughts over this film#five full stars for me.#a gender swapped version of cronenberg's the fly#if you are a women go watch this while its still in theaters with other people#im not forever bonded with the girl who sat next to me#the substance#margaret qualley#demi moore#elisabeth sparkle#coralie fargeat#film#horror
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my zatanna is transfem btw
#shes stated as unlabeled in my carrd bc i have my own thoughts on homo magi gender & sex and i cant like...#put all of that into my one-line bio so shes unlabeled (which she'd say herself if u were to ask!) bc its the most accurate to her feelings#but ill always be associating the trans(/fem) flag w/ her bc its also true#need to write that homo magi thing out tho dont i...long sigh.#that means it has to be coherent and i cant end it with “u get me?”.....longer sigh#me saying that is not in anyway implying that ill work on it any time soon whatsoever btw#just take note that i will write my own origin & general identity for the homo magi. it might take canon influences but yeah#giovanni is definitely a man who had homo magi blood in him but was raised in modern society and norms and therefore expectations and such#he worked to wield and harness magic as a tool (while he still appreciated it its different than direct descendants!)#while sindella has a more larger connection and life to magic itself being a direct descendant. love the idea of being made of magic!!#has a natural synchronization with magic/energy/soul/etc and its own way of enlightenment#they had managed to fall in love which is so sweet but they experience the life of magic completely differently!#zee has a natural disconnection from gender norms & such due to sindella but she still GREW UP in modern society w/ gio#homo magis have an innate agenderness to them perchance......idk wtf im saying im high as bawls#either way untuck queen xoxo
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not to be Dramatic but i need hollywood to stop having the characters who live in the woods away from society who are seen as having a simpler way of life dancing tinikling in like half a scene
it's only happened twice but it's pissing me off
#not pjo#chitter chatter#i can't remember any asian named characters in the scene in the first instance and in the second i believe the actress is indonesian but#the bigger problem for me is does anyone in the audience even know what tinikling is?? do YOU know what tinikling is#it's not that i don't think people from outside that region of the world (since it's not just in the philippines) shouldn't learn the dance#it's that the framing of it TWICE!!!!! in TWO MOVIES!!!! is so similar it makes me mad#i don't CARE if the smokes is 'more real and authentic' it's still the people living without technology in the woods and it's FRUSTRATING#uglies literally had a like 5 second shot of it. why. what was that supposed to show.#and honestly just fuck zombies 2 everything about the werewolves was questionable to me#heres your rant of the day#havent used that tag in a while but im not being coherent this just really bothers me!!!#when i saw it in zombies 2 i wasnt like omg!!! tinikling!!! i was like what the fuck why is this here#thats my tag for when im being unreasonable and upset.#also uglies was bad
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Something neat I noticed about the Character designs in Miraculous, specifically with the Agrestes/Graham de Vanilys and people closely associated with them is how the colour schemes are.
Under a cut bcs its a lot.
The Agrestes all have predominately white outfits, Gabriel having hints of red, and Emilie and Adrien having small amounts of black.
Meanwhile the Graham de Vanilys have mostly black outfits, with some grey in Félixs case.
I thought this was interesting because the white clothes make the Agrestes look more pure, and innocent, while the black clothes of the Graham de Vanilys makes them come off as the reverse, more "evil" side. When in reality its the opposite, the Agrestes have the darker side to them.
Now when we look at the characters designs separately from one another with that context it becomes even more interesting to me, to see how each colour on each design stands out.
Starting with Gabriel because hes the most outsidery of the family. He is mostly white and red, with hints of grey. The red could be seen as him being separate from Emilie and the Graham de Vanily lineage. While the white is Emilies colour. The silver could be seen as representing how hes mixed with the Graham de Vanilys as well through marriage, just weakly.
Next is Adrien, who has the most outside colours on his person. He has the white outer jack, which coul be seen as his appearance being "The son of the Agrestes" and just as a face and not a person. I think its interesting that his shoes are orange, which is red mixed with yellow, another colour on his pallette which represents the outside influences on his life, like Gabriels red. And then his t shirt is black, like Amelie and Félix's colour scheme, suggesting that underneath the white hes more attached (that is NOT the right word but i cant think of anything else) to them (more similar to them?) Idk but Amelie is going to be his mother soon ;) (Looks at that shot of her and Nathalie) (Theres also the fact that as Chat Noir the only white on him is his teeth, breaking away completely from his family burdens)
Last for these 3 is Emilie, shes mostly white with accents of black, which I see as symbolism of her breaking away from her parents by marrying Gabriel. But the black accents show that she still has some attatchment to them through her relationship with Amelie.
Then theres Amelie, whos entire outfit is black, showing that she never got rid of the Graham de Vanily name or reltionship to her parents.
And then Félix, whos black and grey, showing his closeness to his mother through the black, but also his care for Adrien, whos "white" so it mixes.
Now for "Outsiders"
Starting with Nathalie. Her outfit is mostly black, suggesting her later lack of loyalty to Gabriel, and closeness with Adrien. The red accents show that she was most likely brought into the family by him, those being evidence of his influence.
Then Placidies, whos mostly grey with the smallest amounts of black and white in his hair, showing how hes been with both families (Im pretty sure he was the "knight" Colt gave away)
Then theres Marinette, whos grey, white and pink. White showing her closeness to Adrien, pink showing the influence Gabriel's fashion has had on her, and grey showing her as an outsider, with influences into the Agreste drama
And last is Kagami, who on her outside layer has a white jacket, showing how she dated Adrien at first but felt he wasn't right for her. The black underneathe shows her relationship to Félix instead, a more "real" relationhip, hidden by the white outside appearance forced upon her by her mother through the arranged relationship. The red suggests her relationship to Gabriel, who is close to her mother, who also has a lot of red on her.
#Is this me pulling at absolutely nothing? probably#but i thought it seemed neat anyways#been thinking abt this for a while but im still not 100% on Nathalie or Kagami lol#i had more coherant thoughts on Marinette but i forgor#Miraculous Ladybug#Gabriel Agreste#Emilie Agreste#Adrien Agreste#Amelie Graham de Vanily#Felix Graham de Vanily#nathalie sancoeur#Placides I.T#the gorilla mlb#Marinette Dupain Cheng#Kagami Tsurugi#birds-chirps#bird is pulling at straws and making stuff up probably
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Ngl I find it funny that some of my followers/mutuals are still very deep in "nonbinary isn't real, ace spectrum isn't real, binary trans people have to have very specific transition goals" mindsets when I'm many of those things now LMAO. I'm not nonbinary but I AM Salmacian and have kind of thrown out the idea of getting top surgery any time soon. I'm most likely aspec which would explain a lot of my past relationships as well as my relationship with kink. Some of my best friends are nonbinary. I ain't outright blocking anyone nor do I particularly care if you still follow me or vice-versa, but I do wonder how some of y'all would or do feel about me nowadays. 's it a 'community traitor' sorta thing or do you simply pretend to not see it?
#is this even coherent. im tired#personal#ngl being a salmacian person while still using exclusively he/him pronouns and identifying as a binary trans man is an odd experience#I don't talk about being aspec a whole lot and I don't confine myself to any specific aspec label but it IS something that affects my life#to be fair a lot of this stuff I just don't talk about often and tumblr lovessss burying my personal posts
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not me realizing what caused my flare up and why it hasnt gotten better 😭😭
#its my SHOES#the insoles r completely trodden down now and causing pain 😭😭😭💀#as if i can afford new ones this late in the sneakers season#i use skechers arch fit bcos theyre literally the only shoes ive tried that doesnt cause me massive pain from feet up to shoulders#and the insoles r done for now (which i feel is silly that i didnt realize sooner)#im looking @ alternative insoles for a lower price since the shoe itself is technically fine. but u cant buy the skechers insoles seperatel#(fuck u capitalism) but spending that kind of money on insoles that might not even work is also p terrifying tbh#ill see what i can do but for now im basically cuffed to the bed whenever i Dont have obligatory engagements with the irl outside world#my brain is sooooo fried i might as well be put in a medically induced coma 😭😭😭#arfids still rly bad too but tbh its easier now that i dont move a bunch? require less sustenance energy 🙃🙃😭#abyways sry for my rant. im holding out nd miss u all so so so much !!!!!!#these r the longest words ive written for a while. im surprised im so coherent rn#nohr.txt
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actually what annoys me most actions-wise the whole series is that a mechanism by which villages self-govern clearly exists in lumatere but when beatriss buys fenton even though she only pays like 2/3rds the cost she still gets to be sole leader via what is from this point implied to be hereditary nobility. like it's not feudalism 1:1 lol they can leave but still. it is very hard for me to see it as a victory for anyone except beatriss
#altho nettice's villagers don't really seem to be in a position where they can leave. so maybe it's an individual discretion thing. which is#still nasty!!!! like obviously it's not modern day it's fantasy they're nobles blah blah blah whatever. if so then why the hell would you#suggest that self-governance is legal (if you have enough cash) then show me a major character becoming their landlord like she's a hero#just don't say they can buy the damn village themselves come onnnn man#sorry im still in a bad mood and i haven't been able to come up with anything coherent in a while
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Man, it's 2 am at the time of posting this and I just had a bad case of sleep drunk. Didn't help that I was in a vc with friends. Already forgor most of what i said haha
Should go to bed on time, honestly
#i was doing a trust dungeon in this state too and just autopiloted#was hella confused at the last boss because i got 1 shot#then figured out what i forgot to do lol#wanted to do at least one dungeon because i was close to lvling up and im 8 lvls away from the lvl 100 Urianger glam#got out of this state later on hence me being coherent but still#i should stay away from vcs while this tired lmao#random talking
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Nine Five people you'd like to know better
Tagged by @thana-topsy Hi lol 👋 wasn't expecting this (/lh)
[3 Ships]
1) Celann and Charlotte. (holding them in my hands) my babies. I love they
2) I'll honestly just put it out there, Chriscariot. That album rewired my brain. The absolute gay yearning. Did you guys know about the Gospel of Judas. I've been so normal on Tumblr. Not in real life. Not in the slightest. Bible fandom has some fun stuff
3) the Mo/Resa/Dustfinger/Roxanne polycule. I am correct.
[First Ship]
I actually think that's gonna have to be Zuko/Sokka. Except I was unaware of what shipping was at the time because I was young and offline. I did think they should go out tho.
[Last Song]
Funeral Derangements (Ice Nine Kills.) Honestly surprised it wasn't something off the Judas album
[Currently Reading]
Inkheart. Again. Yes I finished the series and turned right around and started it again. I did finish The man Born to be King last night tho. Haven't seen the original JCS but yeah. That Judas and 2012 Arena Tour Judas 🤝
[Last Film]
..... Highlander.... I caught a glimpse of it a while ago and there was this cunty old man. I immediately called Bread over and well. There was not as much of him in the film as we hoped. What did we watch (hello??? Plot??? Please???) That goth guy was having the time of his life tho honestly good for him. What a bizarre experience.
[Currently Craving]
The arrival of the books I ordered. I'm gonna be so real. I am so impatient for them to arrive. Even ignoring the fact that Mortimer (my darling little blue jay plush) is being shipped to God knows where (it's Rhode Island. I feel it in my bones that for some reason another package has been redirected to Rhode Island.) Other than that, uh... draw juice. Would like to draw thing
[Tags]
Gonna tag @argisthebulwark @fabeong @greeneyed-thestral @forpiratereasons and @snake-snack-stede my beloved mutuals 🌹 hi guys :)
#asks#as someone who also has a lil skyrim guy: love to see it#love seeing your art too the style is so nice#anyway uh#yall i am so unwell about judas. can you tell#fucking deranged#i am once again saying if any of you like gothic metal that you should listen to the lord of the lost judas album#like im probably about to while i wait for my books#and MORTIMER#who i SWEAR has GOT to be headed to RHODE ISLAND#if i had two nickels etc etc#theres not much inkheart merch so YES i bought a blue jau plush and named him mo#genius move#the unfortunate curse of liking obscure 2000s book series#(head in my hands) yall i still need to make my celann thoughts coherent so i can share them its kinda killing me#forgot to add#tag game#okay ive stared at this long enough. forget the mortifying ordeal of being known. fuck it we post
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ok that was a new one
#trying to fall asleep half falling asleep and then instantly waking up in a cosmically dissociative state#that was not ok. it can't start happening to me without an adverse reaction to treatment ...#i can't remember when the other time in my life i experience a similar thing was....#one part of the brain fully awake but an entire other part still asleep and the rest conscious without it (NOT supposed to happen)#hellish stuff maan not ok not ok#i looked at my hands and recognized and understood them... but also recognized and understood the arbitrariness of their shape and number#and of the form of my mind and perception and place in time and errything.#cmon man you're only supposed to do that to people on random drugs not overstressed ppeople tryin to frickin sleep 😭#fuckin worst anxiety attack in a long LONG while fuckin hell.#i had to walk and wait for the rest of my brain to wake up and start perceiving so i could fuckin have the rest of my human context back#like where do you even hide man when the rest of your mind isn't there to run back to. it's like being stripped under the eye of sauron#the zones of my brain are too frickin detached and desynchronized i need to be neurologically sewn back together#i experienced temporary (~hourlong in ebbs and waves) broca's aphasia at treatment the other week. wild. and not ok#im gonna try tms again i think. it wasn't a silver bullet for me but it did help repair my cognition and memory and coherency for a bit...#til i lost it again at least#i miss josette. i played her game when rising on the brief crest of tms before my exhaustion started outweighing the few improvements#I'll revisit josette and sedona blue if i do that treatment again. J1 is too much of a slog to replay but J2 is a timeless precious gem#tms is so painful though it shocks my neuralgia#but im desperate i guess#ahahaahhh i need helppp. i ain bin this screwed since 2020 i think
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broke: yellowjackets is lord of the flies but with teenage girls
woke: yellowjackets is as i lay dying but with teenage girls
#still thinking about this concept tbh like im surprised at how well it fits#especially with regards to jackie's entire plot/fate#jackie and addie bundren 🤝dead from page/episode one but there would be no book/show without them#and as the story goes on they (and their body...) belong less and less to themselves#everyone wants a piece of them literally and uses them to further their own fate#like honestly i think addie got cannibalized too on a spiritual level#this book is literally sitting on my bedside table rn cause i started rereading it a while ago#i should really finish it and see if i can come up with a more coherent post#yellowjackets
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