#but im desperate i guess
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kirbyddd · 1 year ago
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ok that was a new one
#trying to fall asleep half falling asleep and then instantly waking up in a cosmically dissociative state#that was not ok. it can't start happening to me without an adverse reaction to treatment ...#i can't remember when the other time in my life i experience a similar thing was....#one part of the brain fully awake but an entire other part still asleep and the rest conscious without it (NOT supposed to happen)#hellish stuff maan not ok not ok#i looked at my hands and recognized and understood them... but also recognized and understood the arbitrariness of their shape and number#and of the form of my mind and perception and place in time and errything.#cmon man you're only supposed to do that to people on random drugs not overstressed ppeople tryin to frickin sleep 😭#fuckin worst anxiety attack in a long LONG while fuckin hell.#i had to walk and wait for the rest of my brain to wake up and start perceiving so i could fuckin have the rest of my human context back#like where do you even hide man when the rest of your mind isn't there to run back to. it's like being stripped under the eye of sauron#the zones of my brain are too frickin detached and desynchronized i need to be neurologically sewn back together#i experienced temporary (~hourlong in ebbs and waves) broca's aphasia at treatment the other week. wild. and not ok#im gonna try tms again i think. it wasn't a silver bullet for me but it did help repair my cognition and memory and coherency for a bit...#til i lost it again at least#i miss josette. i played her game when rising on the brief crest of tms before my exhaustion started outweighing the few improvements#I'll revisit josette and sedona blue if i do that treatment again. J1 is too much of a slog to replay but J2 is a timeless precious gem#tms is so painful though it shocks my neuralgia#but im desperate i guess#ahahaahhh i need helppp. i ain bin this screwed since 2020 i think
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chariix-creates · 3 months ago
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Ummm cringe rarepair alert!! Someone call the cringe police!!! Errmrmm!!!!
Literslly my ot3 and they have NO fanart I'm suffering out here..
Coughs extra doodle cause it makes me giggle
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tubbytarchia · 7 months ago
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I told you I never stop thinking about merpearl
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feelo-fick · 9 months ago
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chilaios telepathy compilation. btw.
also these ones arent telepathy i just think its fun that they defend eachother + are on the same page about alchohol :
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the-broken-pen · 29 days ago
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Hey hey
Could you perhaps write a snippet where the building hero is in, gets bombed? Its bombed as an assassination attempt to get them, however the people in that building die and hero, succumbed to their injuries couldn't save everyone of them. At last they watched the last ambulance left without them, even as they called for help
Villians villa is just few kilometres away
Thankfu hero's legs aren't broken
They begin walking
The problem? Vil is way to composed and prim and perfect to let all of hero's blood get on their expensive carpets and fabrics. They could even be mad at the hero for reddening their porch if they hero stood their asking for bandages. What now? And the fight the two had yesterday that ended with "never see me again" and "don't ever talk to me"s.....vil was stopping hero from attending the event the building....
Will vil help them? They can just ask for bandages and leave.
What hero doesn't know: vil would literally destroy the world for hero, and there's no way in hell are they leaving hero on their doorstep.
(Anon you were cooking with this ask, thank you!)
The hero realized the building was going to explode a split second before it did, which wasn’t enough time to do anything other than brace.
They tensed, and there was a horrible screeching of metal and brick, followed by a deafening silence that covered them more completely than the rubble did.
The hero coughed once, weakly, pain rocketing through their chest, and shoved a piece of concrete off themself.
From somewhere else in the building, a soft, terrified wail began, broken around desperate sobs.
The hero coughed again, hand rising to their ribs. They didn’t have the energy to be surprised when their fingers came back coated in blood and dust. They grimaced at it, struggling to their feet–
And oh, god. That hurt.
The hero had a surgery once, the kind that resulted in bandages and a care regime and a set of stitches, and when they had woken up in the recovery unit, it had felt sort of like this. A moment of loopy half-awareness, and then a pain that had knocked the breath out of them, hands clenching into the sheets as a nurse tried to figure out if they needed more medication. 
This was worse. Their vision swam, and they blinked it back with a hiss.
Because someone, somewhere in the wreckage, was crying. And if one person was crying, it meant there was someone who survived. Which meant it was likely there were other survivors–ones too hurt to make any noise, ones knocked unconscious, ones still too shocked to do anything other than lay there–and it was the hero’s job to find them.
It took them far too long to locate the source of the crying. Longer to dig them out, vision going white as the person slammed into the hero’s chest in some facsimile of a terrified hug.
“You’re okay,” they managed, voice like gravel. “It’s okay. I’m going to get you out, and you’re going to be just fine. Were you with anyone?”
And then again, and again, and again.
The hero panted, hands on their knees as their body fought them in an attempt to just collapse onto the concrete below. They just–they just needed a minute. Just one, maybe, and then they could–
This time, the hero wasn’t even aware of it before it happened.
The remains of the building shook, then disintegrated into itself in a plume of dust and rock. The hero shielded their eyes with one hand, blinking against the onslaught.
What little air they had managed to get stuttered out of their lungs in something close to a sob. They had done this enough times to know there wasn’t anyone in that building left alive. 
They sagged down against the nearest thing–more rubble, maybe? They didn’t know–and this time when they rested a hand on their side, there was a considerably larger amount of blood.
“That’s…not great,” they said, and their fingers blurred in front of them slightly. There was an ambulance right there. Just a couple feet away. They had already helped most of the survivors, so maybe it would be okay for the hero to–
A paramedic rounded the back of the ambulance, and the hero lifted a hand, reaching–
“Please, wait, I think–I think,” it hurt coming out of their mouth, “help. Please I need–” they trailed off as the paramedic took the step up into the ambulance.
And closed the door behind them.
The hero wasn’t even that surprised when the ambulance began to drive away.
“Help,” they finished weakly, then sucked a breath in through their nose.
They were supposed to be good at this kind of thing. Surviving, no, thriving in catastrophe. A pillar of light. The one with the plan. 
The kind of being that didn’t beg for help on the ground.
The hero wasn’t entirely sure how they managed to get themselves back to standing. It was as easy as that–one moment they were on the ground, gravel embedded in their knees, and the next they were up and shaking but they were up.
“If I stay here, I’ll die,” they murmured. They had hoped maybe the threat would keep their legs from buckling again. It didn’t.
They weren’t near any place that could be trusted. There wasn’t a safe clinic for heroes on this side of the city, and even if there was, the hero wouldn’t trust them. Couldn’t afford to.
But as for near…the hero swallowed the nausea as it rose in their throat. There was one place they could go. One person they could go to.
Four miles. They could do four. There was no other option.
Where the hero had had some blurry recollection, or at least, a good guess of how they got to standing, they had absolutely no clue how they made it onto the villain’s porch. They managed a blink, retching slightly as they stared at the villain’s wavering door, then had to freeze just to bite down the pain that had come from the gagging.
They tried to knock and ended up collapsing against the villain’s door, knees giving out entirely as their fingers scrabbled for purchase and left behind smeared bloody marks on the wood.
They weren’t entirely sure how that happened either, or how long it took the villain to answer the door. Just that it hurt—so, so much, it hurt so–and that they managed to shove themself back into some semblance of standing right before the villain pulled the door open.
The villain’s face did a sort of spasming thing as soon as they saw the hero, jaw dropping slightly in what the hero could only really read as shock.
There was a very considerable amount of blood on the door. They were cold.
“I–” the hero tried, but they weren’t really sure where they had been going with that sentence, and after yesterday and the screaming and the fight the villain probably didn’t want to see them at all, didn’t want to ever see their face again, so–their mind blanked. “I got blood on your door.”
They tried to gesture towards it, but that hurt, so their hand simply twitched slightly from where it hung by their side.
They glanced down at their feet, because they didn’t want to see what the villain’s face was doing, especially if what it was doing was anything resembling anger.
“Oh.” There was blood at the hero’s feet. “And on your porch, too, I guess.”
They looked up at the villain, but they were still staring at them, brow furrowed, hand clenching on the doorframe.
“I’m sorry.”
There was a very faint quiver of tears when they said it, and the hero knew better than to hope the villain didn’t catch it. 
Were they saying sorry for the porch or the door or yesterday–
“Holy shit,” the villain finally breathed, and it sounded like it had been punched out of them. The hero froze, panic rising in their chest.
“I’m sorry,” the hero blurted out, stammering. “I’m–I’m so sorry, I’ll go, just–could I maybe have some bandages? Just–just one, maybe, please? I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” they said uselessly, head swimming. They couldn’t even remember what they were doing here. The villain was perfect in every sense of the word, stoic and proper and collected in a way the hero would never be; a marble statue brought to life. The idea of them letting the hero–the personification of a train wreck in motion–in to bleed all over the villain’s soft carpet and nice shoes and cause irreparable damage to their very expensive house was almost laughable. 
If they had had the breath to laugh.
More of the hero’s blood dripped onto the slats of the porch, and they stepped back. “I’m sorry–”
The villain reached for them, and the hero flinched, taking it for the dismissal it was–
The hero blinked, and it stuck for a moment too long as the world tilted, and when they pried their eyes open again the villain was staring at them with something the hero was too out of it with pain and possibly delirium to identify. Their gaze drifted back to the blood smeared on the door, and the villain’s grip tightened on the hero’s bicep–when had they grabbed the hero’s bicep?–until the hero’s gaze returned to theirs.
The villain said something, but there was a roaring that had started up in the hero’s ears. They seemed to take the uncomprehending blink the hero gave them in return for an answer anyways, and guided them down until they were both sitting on the cool wood. A tug, and the hero was resting against their own propped up knees, villain’s hand still firm on their arm.
“How much blood did you lose?”
It was like screaming underwater, the hero reasoned. Or through a mirror. But they heard it nonetheless, and that was their villain, and even in hatred and war they would always answer them.
“Was ‘supposed to be counting?” If they had any more energy–or maybe slightly more blood–in their body, the slur to their own words would have been concerning.
The villain’s lips pursed into a thin line, and the hero felt them begin to run an assessing hand over their injuries, cataloguing them, brow furrowing further with every second.
“M’sorry,” they managed, tongue thick. The villain didn’t pause.
“For what?”
“Bleeding on your door,” they managed. The villain stopped them from raising their head from their knees. “And your–porch.”
“I don’t give a shit about either of those things,” the villain said, simply, easily. Like it was nothing. Like they didn’t feel the weight of it as they threw it into the air.
The villain sat back on their heels, clearly having learned what they wanted from the hero’s injuries.
When the hero didn’t immediately look at them, the villain grabbed their chin, gently turning it until the hero faced them.
“How far did you walk,” they said slowly, and the hero had never been more grateful for anything in their life.
“Four miles,” the hero said, and they couldn’t hear their own voice above the roaring, but the villain obviously could from the way their eyes darkened.
The hero wanted no part in making the villain angry again–I never want to see you again, do you hear me? If you ever try to talk to me again I will kill the both of us, I promise you that–, but when they attempted to push themselves up to leave, the only thing they managed was a piteous whine and a stab of pain so intense they forgot to breathe.
“Idiot,” the villain hissed. But oddly, the hero didn’t sense any anger coming from the villain.
They blinked–too long, again–and found themselves in the villain’s arms as they walked through the house. Their head lolled back onto the villain’s shoulder, and the villain glanced down as if–to make sure the hero was okay. That they were conscious, and breathing.
Oh.
Oh.
The villain wasn’t angry.
They were afraid. For the hero.
Which didn’t make any sense, because–
I never want to see you again–
“You’re mad at me,” the hero reasoned, and it came out half strangled and petulant. The villain looked down at them, and the hero caught the tiniest flinch in their jaw.
“I’m not mad at you.”
“That’s not what you said yesterday,” the hero whispered, and the villain flinched.
“I wanted to stop this from happening.” The villain settled them onto a bathroom counter, lights flickering on as the hero leaned back against the mirror. Blood began to dry, sticky, between their fingers.
The hero’s mouth went dry, and it caught in their throat when they tried to swallow it.
“You could have just left me there.” Their voice only shook a little bit, but the villain’s head still snapped up from where they had been digging through a drawer.
“What?”
“On the porch,” the hero clarified, clearing their throat. The lump didn’t go away, and they had begun shaking at some point, and they couldn’t stop. “If you didn’t want to deal with me you could have just left me there–”
The villain’s face had darkened into something the hero almost didn’t recognize. 
“I would burn the world for you, and you think I would leave you to die on my porch?”
“You said you didn’t want this to happen.”
“No, that’s not–” the villain rubbed a hand over their brow, and the hero winced at the blood it left behind. “No. No, that’s not what I meant. I was trying to keep you from going to that stupid event and getting hurt. I knew it was going to blow.”
“I would have gone anyway.”
The villain stilled. “I thought maybe if you never wanted to see me again, and you knew I was there…”
“I would,” the hero repeated. “Have gone anyway.”
The hero watched as the villain’s face rippled through a dozen emotions, settling onto something unidentifiable.
“Why?”
“Because you were there,” the hero said easily, shrugging one shoulder. Because when it came to the villain, it really was that easy. They could scream, and shout, and hold a knife to the hero’s throat, and the hero would still follow them into hell. That was their villain.
The villain looked like the hero had stabbed them, face draining of color. Their fingers went white around the edge of the counter, as if it was the only thing keeping them upright.
“What,” the villain’s voice was hoarse.
“I went because I was hoping you would be there,” the hero said honestly
“Stop,” the villain raised a hand between them, a shield, voice breaking. They sucked in a breath, then another, like they were trying to keep themself from breaking down onto the tile.
“You would have gone to the event no matter what, just to see me,” the villain said slowly, and the hero nodded
“Yes.”
“Even though I screamed at you?”
“Yes.”
“And told you I hated you.”
“Villain, please–”
“Now you know,” the villain interrupted, voice incredibly soft. “Why I would have never left you on that porch.”
The hero forgot to breathe for a moment, tongue going numb in their mouth. The villain couldn’t mean–
They blinked for a moment too long, and then the villain was standing between the hero’s knees, hand on their chest.
“You love me,” the hero said a moment later.
“Ruinously,” the villain agreed.
“So you–”
“I was trying to save your life,” the villain’s hands were gentle as they began to patch up the hero’s side. “And now I’m saving your life in a new and unanticipated way. But there is nothing you could ever do to stop me from saving your life.”
The hero’s heart clenched. 
“Really?”
The villain caught their chin, eyes boring into the hero’s. They brushed a piece of hair off the side of the hero’s face.
“Really.”
The hero sighed, and the villain caught them as they slumped.
“I thought you hated me,” the hero said, and they hated how raw they sounded. The villain made a choked little noise.
“I’m so sorry.”
The hero sniffed.
“Don’t do it again.”
The villain simply hummed, and smoothed the ends of a bandage down against the hero’s abdomen. The hero could feel their hands shaking.
You scared me.
A second later, their hands settled on either side of the hero’s head, and the villain rested their face into the hero’s hair. They pressed a kiss to the hero’s temple, tension easing from their shoulders.
I’m sorry.
The hero clutched the front of the villain’s shirt between their hands, drawing them closer. The villain went willingly, loose limbed with affection and the rapid draining of terror from their system.
“I would have never left you on that porch.”
The hero had never believed anyone more.
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knifetomeatu · 5 months ago
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quality time with uncle Hands🥰
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marimeeko · 7 months ago
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The bakugou crumb of him asking Deku if he still had the ember...when everyone is worrying over Ochako....
I'm sorry but that made me laugh because he has the most brainrot of all of us
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artuurle · 21 days ago
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So what happened to Gru's eye anyways?
This will be very very tied into my personal headcanons about both Grujaja and a little about the drain so be warned:
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info under the readmore for sanity reasons hope u understand<3
My interpretation of the drain is a very bad place to raise someone. The whole place is essentially the slums of a city- though the most dangerous part of the place isn't because of anything living, but because the place is actually crumbling from poor infrastructure. Gruja was from a very low income family that lived in that area; just trying to live like anyone else.
The infrastructure expectedly ended up failing and in the collapse he got cut really badly by some of the resulting shrapnel across his face and left arm. He was one of the "lucky" ones. If you could even call it that.
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He sure didn't.
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kiyomitakada · 1 month ago
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last post before i crash does anyone remember that one manga panel that canonizes watari having a family who doesn’t know about the L stuff or did i wholesale make that up
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floofanflurr · 23 days ago
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somewhere in a field of forget-me-nots...
*Forgettable.
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starstruckodysseys · 2 months ago
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truly so funny to me that the awesome action heroes are constantly referring to each other by their real world names IN the movie (especially izzy, unsurprisingly, but like. paula literally name drops liv in front of all the sidewinders and NO ONE questions it. even in her intro sequence she mentions HERSELF to kochiusko. don’t even get me started on the hotel bar scene in ep2. usha the old lady from the store…) but they face zero consequences for this until brennan decides to make paula slam poetry her fake son back to life. five episodes in. absolutely insane i love this season so much
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skitskatdacat63 · 3 months ago
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One makes him up, so the other can break him down.
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This is a little terrifying but hello!! Posted my first fic on ao3!! I would've saved the illustrations for the fic's eyes only, but I'm too happy with them haha. Hope you'll still go on to read regardless!!
As always, my thoughts and progress, since I can't help myself:
I'm soooooo proud of these. I never ever really do dramatic lighting, so I'm really surprised that I pulled it off.
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It's surreal actually posting this because for a while, I've thought about how if I ever post a fic, I'll have to make illustrations too because I can't do anything not full force. Look at me now! I'm shocked. Also didn't think I'd finish it tonight, but here it sits before you nevertheless(though as always, I'm writing this past my bedtime before class, time efficient as always.) So with that being said, here are some notes, though if I had known I'd be writing this so soon, I would've prepared more lol.
First of all, I hope it's clear both of these are Mark's perception. Gah, the fact that his face is the only one you can see clearly. The first is obviously him unwillingly fantasizing about what exactly went down last night.
Aghhhhh the difference in colors and settings of the two drawings is so important to me. The warmth and intimacy of the bed behind curtains in the first one, and the coldness and openess of the second. It's so clear Mark feels like he's been distanced, like he's been ousted. It's like he's been thrown outside on a cold winter's day, no longer able to feel the heat from the comfortable warm stove inside.
Mark was probably assigned to Seb bcs he has a much greater appreciation for the Spanish etiquette, which Seb has very little interest in. He'll abide by it when he absolutely has to. But he's just a very non-typical Emperor. People find it charming so it's not a public death sentence for him, but it is an issue. Thus, Mark is there to keep him in line. Though important to note that when Fernando, who has an equal if not greater respect for the showmanship of etiquette, realizes Mark is interested in that as well, they start warming up to each other.
The inherent disrespect of Fernando just. Throwing Seb's clothing onto the floor. Meanwhile he probably took like, 20 minutes folding his up(that's what Seb was gonna tell Mark at the end of the fic.) Borderline ripping off Seb's clothes only to edge him. Its not even like the ripping off the clothes is because of passion or anything, he's deliberately being an asshole. Don't worry Nandl, Seb's turned on by it!
So sorry to marknando fans if their dynamic feels like a complete 180 haha. Its not like I'm like, they actually hate each other!! It's just their relationship under completely different circumstances. They're like two dogs in a dog fight, they don't have any real reason to hate each other, but they're put against each other regardless. They don't understand their hatred, just know that they have it and that they're supposed to have it. The inherent hatred the mistress has for the spouse, and vice versa. If they actually were able to talk without barriers, they'd realize they actually get along pretty well. They kinda just hate each other because of their respective relationships to Seb. And then there's Seb who's mostly completely oblivious to his effect, though of course plays with it a bit.
Seb's marriage completely recontextualizes their relationship in Mark's eyes. Though there's something incredibly sado-masochistic about the way he can't blame Seb for it at all. He's a loyal dog after all. But when it was just them, he was obviously Seb's main companion and lover. Seb definitely slept with people on the side, but Mark brushed that off: 1. Bcs its very period typical. 2. He was the main, they were the side, what more needs to be said! But now *he's* the side piece, and is left wondering if their relationship was down to proximity alone. Not to pull a Mark and completely excuse Seb, but it's not. Just very different perceptions of love and relationships. And again, as I've mentioned before, he was raised to always be the most important person in the room, so he obviously has very different understandings, especially since he's always the center.
NANDL!!!!!! In my Habsburg book I've been reading lately, they randomly referred to one of them affectionately as "Nandl" and it's stuck in my head ever since. Can we start a movement to canonize that as an official Fernando nickname? I'm sooooo fond of it, I litrally ended the fic that way just so I could shoehorn that nickname in.
Speaking of the ending. It was really tough, I almost wanted to have Fernando burst in, looking for his ring, and then coming across whatever that is. But I didn't want to disrupt their moment anymore, it felt cruel. Though shame I couldn't mention that the reason why Seb's pants are nowhere to be found is because Fernando accidentally put them on and didn't realize till he was out of the room.
*I FORGOT TO POINT OUT ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS! Truly the danger of writing a post while falling asleep. There's something so incredibly funny to me the way they're talking so refined and then Seb just throws out: "that guy." It's a way to show his own disrespect of Fernando, not even using his name, implying he's just some guy(nur ein Kerl.) I laughed writing it cause it reminds me of the random dry humor anecdotes I've read lately.
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locusfandomtime · 1 year ago
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i hope you guys understand my vision
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sexybritishllama · 2 months ago
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im so obsessed with faulkner and carpenter's dynamic. this whole argument was so good. i love when characters are at each others throats but they're forced to stick together because of external circumstances but they still have so much contempt for each other and aaaaaa yay yippee ❤️❤️
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amourninghost · 3 months ago
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i climbed the fence, the one that you've been sitting on
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eshithepetty · 2 years ago
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Vote mob in the @autismswagsummit and support this emotionally repressed, academically challenged and terrifyingly powerful autistic 14 yo and his gaggle of overenthusiastic friends today..!!! (Or. Today as in when the voting starts again ig)
[ID: three drawings of Mob from Mob Psycho 100 interacting with one character in each concerning the autism swag summit.
The first one is a comic of him and Ritsu. In the first panel, Ritsu is clutching his phone so tight it's shaking, the screen showing the result of the Donnie vs Kris poll wherein Donnie had won. The background is a purple gradient, and he says "no..." The next panel, the background a darker purple with wavy swirls, shows Ritsu hunched over, hair falling over his shadowed eyes, teeth grit as he continues "no- this can't be...! I won't allow it, no, no-". He gets interrupted with "Ritsu, are you alright-" and the final panel brightens to a pastel peach, Ritsu looking back, distraught, at Mob, yelling "YOU'RE GONNA LOSE AT AUTISM NII-SAN". Mob, who is simply standing there, in his gym shorts and a half tucked in pink shirt, holding a glass of milk, replies "h?"
The second image is one done in red and green tones, of Dimple and Mob. Mob sits at his desk with a tired expression, one hand curled to his temple as he does his homework, Dimple hovering over him with his fists balled, as he says, "Do you want me to go beat that guy up?". Mob replies, "No, Dimple." Dimple continues, "I follow you 24/7 so I know more than anyone how much you should win this." Mob replies, "That's creepy. Just help me with my maths homework, Dimple."
The third is of Reigen and Mob. Mob has a finger raised, his aura coating his hand, as he looks back tiredly at Reigen, who has one hand on his hip and the other on Mob's shoulder, smiling cockily and sweating slightly. The background a simple light yellow, the both of them colored in pastel pinks and illuminated by a teal light that comes from Mob's power. Reigen says, "It's okay, Mob, no matter what, you're still my #1 autism." Though the annotation beneath his words, pointing to him, clarifies, "has no idea what's going on." End ID.]
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