#while at the same time finding friends and community (in a loose sense of the term) in entirely online spaces

[lezbianz]

i think one of the symptoms of being extremely online from the age of 10 is that u will one day no longer be the loneliest little girl in the universe who only has fun doing online fandom discourse. and instead you will have real life friends and a girlfriend and career ambitions. but a part of you yearns for the freedom of being 13 with a popular voltron blog or 11 with a popular frozen fanfiction. it’s so strange.

[gojonanami]

THREE'S A CROWD - SATORU GOJO AND SUGURU GETO

✴︎ summary: professors satoru gojo and suguru geto rarely wanted the same thing at the same time -- that was until you. ✴︎ contents: 18+ only, nsfw, professor au, gojo is a physics prof and geto is a ethics prof, competition style smut, so much smut, handjobs (f!+m! receiving), oral (f!+m! receiving), creampie, unprotected sex, dom! + sub!gojo, dom!geto, degradation (whore), praise kink (gojo + reader), semi public sex, office sex, double penetration, pet names (sweetheart, princess, baby, pretty) ✴︎ wc: 12,596 (again what's wrong with me)

There was little Satoru Gojo and Suguru Geto did actually compete over — growing up as best friends, most would have expected a little healthy competition, and there were disagreements, arguments, and even a few fist-fights here and there, but there weren’t many things both desired at the same time. 

Until you. 

A new professor at Jujutsu Tech University, you were fairly green, but your reputation as an academic had preceded you, and landed you a position at this prestigious university. And right in the crosshairs of these two best friends who also happened to hold positions there — ones who were surely some of the most coveted on campus amongst faculty and students alike. There were little times where you would find one professor without the other outside of the classroom — Professor Gojo had even somehow annoyed Chancellor Yaga into having his office next door to Geto’s. 

Professor Gojo taught Intro to Physics as well as a few other related courses, including one about the infinite nature of the universe, while Professor Geto busied himself with teaching Introduction to Ethics, and other related courses, including one that was solely based around the trolley problem. 

“The trolley problem?” you asked, sitting in Geto’’s classroom, hanging around his desk, as he was beginning to clean the board of his notes from the class you had sat in on — a part of the mentoring program at the university for newly burgeoning professors — giving a sense of camaraderie and community. Right now, all it was giving you was an understanding of why there was an influx of women interested in ethics. Geto had his jet black locks tied into a neat bun, a lock hanging loose that framed his face — one that you had both the urge tuck back into his bun, but also twirl it between your fingers. His crisp white button up was unbuttoned a few buttons down after class, a deep ivy sweater vest thrown over it, “how can you teach an entire class on that single problem?” 

“Almost any problem in ethics could be the subject of a semester-long debate, especially the trolley problem,” he chuckles, as he turns to you, placing the eraser down a moment, as he rolls up his sleeves to prevent residue from staining his shirt. His fingers expertly unbuttoned the cuffs, before carefully rolling them up, “the trolley problem has many iterations, it dissects the concept of a moral quandary to a science, creating the idea of an impossible choice with no right answer,” 

“Many things in life have no right answer, but there’s always a choice to be made,” you hum, “what would be your solution to the trolley problem?” 

“The fact is that there is no right answer, but there are right questions to ask and things to consider,” he shrugs, “most people don’t know truly what their answer would be in that situation — some think it would be better to sit helpless, letting fate decide, others think that they would choose the answer that saved their loved ones, and some think they would choose the answer that benefited the most people — but the way the problem can be formulated has so many iterations that almost any answer could be swayed,” 

“And are you so easily swayed?” and he shrugs, pursing his lips. 

“I’d like to think not,” he smiled — and you knew why so many people had crushes on him and Gojo — not only their looks, but their intelligence. 

You hum at his words, still utterly more enthralled by the way his forearms looked, and judging by his raised eyebrow, he noticed, “But why an entire course about it?” 

And he shrugged, as he crossed his arms, smirking as your eyes flicker back from his arms to his gaze, “It’s one of my favorite ethical dilemmas, wouldn’t you want to teach a course on your favorite subject?” 

“I would simply like to learn my way around the university without having to come an hour early to account for getting lost on campus,” and he laughs, a noise that makes your heart squeeze, his lips curled in a smile — and you hide your own, happy you were the one who made him make that incredible noise, “It’s 50-50 whether or not I’ll find my car after this,” 

“Well, I could help with that,” he steps forward, hands in his pockets now, thumbs visible on either side, “show you around? Show you the spots to see, what to avoid, maybe even how to stare without being obvious?” and you flush at his words, knitting your brow together to feign innocence, “nice innocent act, maybe it’d work on someone else — not on me, sweetheart,” 

And you can’t stop the next question from tumbling out of your mouth, “What would work on you then?” 

This was a bad idea — you had just started here two weeks ago, and here you were flirting with not only a professor, but the professor assigned to be your mentor here, one of the two professors everyone had their eyes on—you needed to stop. 

Then he smirked, a wicked grin that only left you wanting more — more of that smirk, more of his words, more of him, “That’s for you to find out,” he offered you a hand, “so shall we find out?” 

And find out you did—

—Find out just how skilled he was with that sharp tongue of his. 

It wasn’t supposed to end up this way — the tour was innocent enough. He helped you get down a route from your parking spot to your office to your classroom, he showed you the good spots to escape for the day, the best spots around campus to eat or get a coffee or tea, and then you ended up in his office. He had offered you a drink — an expensive sake bottle that he had gotten from the chancellor for his good work. 

“Satoru doesn’t drink so usually, I end up drinking alone, so this is a nice change of pace,” and you snort slightly, as he raises an eyebrow, as he pours the shots, “and what’s funny about that?” he asks, offering you a small shot glass filled with the sake that you swirled before downing. And he did the same, eyes still glued to you, a small trickle of the sake slipping out of your corner of your lips. 

“Just the idea of you drinking in the office alone, it’s a little sad,” you chuckle, “do you not have many friends aside from Satoru?” as you pour yourself and him another shot, not noticing how he walks over nor how close he is. 

“I’m very selective about who I spend my time with?” and your cheeks warm, and it's not from the alcohol, as his voice is low when he speaks, “and well, I’m not alone now, am I?” he looms over you, his hand resting on the arm of your chair, caging you in, his other hand reaching to rest fingers against your chin, “you’re here,” 

“Geto—” 

“Suguru,” he corrected, his eyes sliding over your body, “you’re not one of my students, Professor,” and heat trickles down your body at his words, as he leans down, tongue darting out to lick the trail of sake from the corner of your lips, “but it seems like I have a lot to teach you, regardless,” 

You shiver at his actions, “We shouldn’t—” 

“Lesson one, nothing in the code of ethics prevents any consensual relationship amongst staff members,” his lengthy fingers trace your jawline, before he kisses along it, “lesson two, there’s nothing unethical about our relationship — our mentor/mentee relationship period is ending now, and we are simply colleagues—“ his thumb drags down your plush  lips, pulling at your bottom one, “for now,” 

“Suguru,” and he’s leaning even closer. 

“And lesson three, that I only can teach you if you return my feelings,” his lips are a centimeter away, breath warming your lips, his bangs brushing against your skin, “so the question remains, Professor, do you?” 

You nod wordlessly, breath caught as your fingers brush his cheek now, “I do, please—“ 

And his lips curl, “Good girl,” he leans down, kissing you softly, lips parting only after a moment, and then you lean up again. He’s smiling against your lips, as his hand slides to the back of your neck, more insistent this time as you taste the sake on his mouth — and somehow it’s more sweet on his lips that it was on your tongue. 

Your lips part again, a breath away, foreheads brushing, as your fingers grasp onto the soft front of his sweater to ground yourself on something, before it slides against the toned surface of his chest under all the academic wear. 

“Like what you feel, Princess?” And you flush, cheeks burning as you give an almost undetectable nod, and he chuckles, “good, because so do I,” 

And his head is leaning down for another kiss when there’s a knock at the door, “Yo Suguru!” And Suguru moves back, just as the door swings open, as you struggle to grasp onto any semblance of decorum, as Satoru Gojo enters. 

“Don’t you know it’s good manners to wait to hear a person say ‘come in’ after you knock, Satoru?” Suguru raises an eyebrow, thoroughly unimpressed — his composure impressive for a man who had kissed you breathless not a minute ago.  

“Huh?” Gojo glares at Suguru, lips twisted in a frown, “Haven’t I made enough progress for you? At least I started knocking,” Gojo huffs, smirk on his lips, as he glances at you now, “oh it’s the newbie,” and your gaze slides up to his, a polite smile on your lips, and you almost feel like his cerulean gaze lingers on your lips a moment too long, his gaze sliding back to his best friend, “am I interrupting?” 

Satoru Gojo stood framed in the doorway, and he was picturesque — an academic’s wet dream in his blue button up with navy suit coat slung over his shoulders. 

“Only a celebratory welcome and end to our mentoring period,” Suguru shrugs, sliding a smile behind Gojo’s back when Gojo turns back to you, “would you like to join us? We were just having some sake,” 

He grimaces, “Doesn’t sound like much of a celebration,” he looks to you, sly grin playing on his lips, “she looks like she’d much prefer something sweet, isn’t that right?” 

You blink, “I mean, I wouldn’t mind,” and Gojo winks, offering you his hand, your view of Suguru’s scowl obscured. 

“Sounds like the lady has spoken — there’s a great place that sells kikufuku not far from campus—“ 

“We actually have plans for dinner, Satoru,” Suguru cuts in, as you furrow your brow — since when? “And I think a discussion of her future and trajectory at the university is more important than enjoying sweets,” 

Gojo only grins, his body grazing the side of your chair as he steps away, hands in his pockets, “Well all work and no play doesn’t sound very fun to me, does it, Professor?” 

You crack a smile, “Sounds like you have the opposite philosophy, Gojo,” 

“Satoru,” he corrects, his gaze making your breath catch in your throat. 

“Satoru,” you say and his lips curl into a grin before Suguru clasps a hand on Satoru’s shoulder. 

“Don’t you have papers to grade?” And Suguru’s tone left little to be argued with, and Satoru only sighs dramatically, crossing his arms. 

“Fine, fine,” he slides a last look at you, as you rise to your feet,  “pleasure meeting you, we’ll have to have dessert some other time,” and he leans forward to whisper this last part in your ear, “though I think I’ll have trouble finding something as sweet as you,” 

Your cheeks flush, and it doesn’t go unnoticed by Suguru as Satoru leaves, and Suguru only smiles at you, “Shall we go?�� 

You don’t notice the slight edge to his voice, or the way his eyes slide to glare at the door, as you busy yourself gathering your things, “Since when did we have dinner plans?” You ask, your last word coming out as a squeak, as his arm wraps around your waist, pulling you much too close. 

“Since I wanted to spend more time with you, is that a problem?” he murmurs against the same ear whispered into, teeth grazing the soft flesh of your earlobe, and you bite your lip, sighing as his lips slide to your jaw, “well, is it?” 

And you shake your head, “Never,” and he’s leading you out of his office, and you don’t notice the way his eyes narrow when his eyes narrow as he glances at Satoru’s office right next door. 

~~~

“Don’t work too hard,” and your gaze snaps up to find Gojo at your office door, leaning against the door frame, “your face could freeze like that,” 

“And would that be a bad thing?” you rolled your eyes, as you pulled yourself away from the stack of exams you were stuck grading since the university hadn’t bothered to assign you a T.A. yet. 

He takes your reply as an invitation to come in, swinging the office door shut behind him, “No, not at all, but I’d prefer to see those pretty lips in a smile,” and your lips curl, as he adds, “plus you’ll end up looking like Suguru — a perpetual stick up his ass,” 

You snort, “You two have nothing but lovely things to say about the other,” you say sarcastically, “but i guess that’s best friends for you,” 

“Nah, Suguru really does have a stick up his ass — pretty sure its a requirement for all ethics professors,” he shrugs, as he opts to lean against your desk rather than sit in either of the chairs, “now, can I take you to have that dessert I mentioned before? Looks like you could use a break,” his eyes glance over the stack of exams piled upon your desk, “let me be your solace, sweetheart — the world of academia is a harsh place,” 

You offer a small smile, “I’m stuck grading these exams — I have to have the grades in by tomorrow, and I still have about thirty-two to get through,”

“Don’t you have a T.A. to pass this off on?” and you shake your head, and he hums, taking out his phone, “I’ll reach out to the Chancellor for you — let him see what the hold up is. The old geezer owes me one anyway,” 

“You don’t have to—” 

He only continues to type, without looking up, “I want to,” and before sending off his email, “should be able to get a student assigned to you soon, and I asked him to give you an extension as well, so now you have no excuse,” he grins, plucking the pen from your fingers, his fingers brushing your own, before offering his hand, “shall we?” 

But there was one excuse you hadn’t exhausted yet — “Satoru—” 

“You’re really making me work for it, beauty,” he rubs the back of his head, smile on his lips, “not that I don’t mind playing hard to get, but you know, I do always get what I want—” 

“What about Suguru?” and his smile fades, expression unreadable. 

“And what about him?” you sigh, leaning back. 

“I assume you know—” 

“About the fact you two have been hooking up?” he shrugs, as you flush at his bluntness, “yeah, and what about it?” 

You stare at Satoru, thoroughly confused by his nonchalance, “Wouldn’t that—” 

“I’ve already spoken to Suguru, he’s fine if I pursue you as well,” he smiles, as he rounds the corner of your desk to stand closer, “and that’s what this is, sweetheart — me pursuing you,” 

And your cheeks grow hot, stomach flipping at his words, as your heart struggles to keep up with your mind, “So you both are okay with me seeing the other?” 

His lips curl into a grin, “Nothing wrong with a little friendly competition, sweetheart — me and Suguru don’t have any intention of backing off,” he tilts his head, “you’ll have to choose eventually, and I know you’ll make the right choice,” 

“But—” 

And he sighs, slipping his hands into his pockets, “For now, this is just a colleague welcoming another colleague to our very prestigious institution, just a friendly outing,” and you nod, rising from your seat, but he draws close, lips a breath away, “but next time, it will be a date, angel, and kikufuku won’t be the dessert I’ll want at the end of the night.” 

~~~

“Suguru, should we really—” and his lips cut you off, a bruising kiss that steals the logic from your brain, and only leaves lust in its wake, your fingers moving to grasp the front of his now very creased button up. You needed to ask him about your conversation with Satoru — but all you could think about is how you could get him closer, closer, closer. 

“Always taste so sweet for me,” he murmurs, his tongue slipping into your parted lips, as his fingers card through your hair, “what is that cream?” he hums, and you almost freeze — the kikufuku you had for lunch left over from your impromptu time with Satoru. 

“Suguru, I need to talk to you about something,” and he’s impatient, as always, as he leads you to his lecture hall desk, pressing you against the edge of it, his legs pressed between your spread thighs. 

“Talking isn’t exactly high on my priority list right now, princess,” he hums as his lips slide over your jaw, leaving wet kisses along it, before his teeth nibble and suck a mark right under your jaw, making you hiss. 

“Not there, people will see—” 

“People, or Satoru?” he murmurs, as you freeze as you pull back, his dark gaze lidded, but his expression inscrutable, “he told me he asked you out,” 

You purse your lips, “I wanted to talk to you first to see how you felt—uhmph—” his lips smash against yours, swallowing your words and your noises eagerly, as his hands slide down your sides. 

“You can see Satoru if you want, baby,” he mutters against your lips, “see him, date him, fuck him — go have your fun,” and he’s sinking to his knees in front of you, as you look down at him with red kiss ruined lips, “but don’t forget who’s the one making you feel this good,” 

And he’s pushing up your skirt, pressing sweet kisses to your thighs, making them shake under his touch, as his finger presses against the wet patch on your panties, “Has he seen this yet?” and you’re too busy gasping to answer, so he only presses down meaner, rubbing you in tight circles, “answer me,” 

“No, no, we haven’t even kissed—” and he’s pulling aside the crotch of your panties, air hitting your already wet pussy, “Suguru—” you’re whining already, and he only smiles in response, as his finger teases your opening, gathering your pre-cum on his fingertip. 

“Should’ve known, you look fuckin’ tight, baby, gotta stretch you out, don’t I?” and a lithe finger is teasing your outer lips, before it sinks in slowly, dragging against your walls as it does, bullying your insides until it’s knuckle deep. And your fingers find their way into Suguru’s hair as he begins to fuck you in earnest, the lewd sounds of your cunt nearly echoing in the lecture hall as he thrusts his finger in and out, “hear that, baby? Your pretty pussy is practically sucking me it, won’t let me go, but I think it needs more, don’t you think?” and another finger is sinking into you, joining the other, curling and stretching against you as they piston in and out, your slick slipping down his fingers and onto his palm. 

“Fuuuck, so fuckin’ wet for me, princess,” Suguru looked so gorgeous, his jet black locks pulled from their normally neat bun, strands hanging in his face, as your fingers grasped at his head, buried between your thighs on his knees, his hands splaying your thighs open on the edge of his desk, the cuffs of his sleeves unbuttoned and rolled up, as two fingers sink into your dripping cunt, “so perfect, such a good girl, wonder if you taste as good as you feel,” and he’s leaning forward, his lips latching to your clit, making you cry out as he sucks harshly, “don’t be so loud, baby, want someone to see you spreading your legs for me — how’d that look?” and you gaze down at him with lust glazed over eyes, his chin glossy with your release, “all messy f’me, how could I resist?” and you’re keening against his touch, making his lips curl, “I’m starting to think you want to get caught, want people to see you cumming around my fingers, don’t you?” 

You only whimper, walls traitorously clenching around him, making him let out a low groan, his hand drifting to palm at his bulge, straining against the fabric of his slacks, “g’nna feel so good around my cock, sweetheart, you’re practically throbbing,”

“Fuck,” you whimper, your thighs straining against his grip, hips nearly starting to fuck his face, as his tongue licks a strip right up your sopping cunt, “i‘m s’close, Sugu, I—” and your nails dig into his scalp, he fucks you open with his fingers and tongue, the squelch of your pussy and his fingers ringing in your ears, as you grind into his touch, just as he curls his fingers, hitting that spot that has you cumming, making a mess just as he buries his face in you, letting you ride his face as he pulls his fingers away. His fingers find your mouth making you taste your own release, stifling the moans and pants leaving your mouth, sucking and licking as he eases himself from you. Your fingers finding stability on the edge of the desk, still panting and fucked out, as he chuckles, rising to his feet, as he looms over you, looking at the cum still dripping out of you and onto the edge of his desk, 

“So pretty,” he hums, before kissing you, as he helps you make yourself presentable, adjusting your underwear back into place, as your eyes drifting down between his legs, “I don’t need to ask if you like what you see because I know you do, but—” 

You roll your eyes, your fingers pulling him by his belt loops between your thighs, “Don’t you want some help with that?” 

And he only smiles, as he presses another sweet kiss to your lips, “We’ll save that for next time, I wanted this time to be about you,” his arm snaking around your waist, as he presses himself against you, rubbing his bulge against your sensitive cunt, making you hiss, “when’s your date with Satoru?” 

You bite your lip, “Tonight, for dinner,” you admit, and he nods, a hint of jealousy that disappears as soon as it appears, before kissing you again, stealing your breath as your fingers find the back of his neck, knees nearly buckling — which doesn’t go unnoticed by him — a smile on his lips. 

“Come see me after.” 

~~~

“Why did you want to go out with me anyway?” you ask as Satoru walks you to your doorstep of your apartment right off campus, his hand intertwined with yours, fingers engulfing yours, thumb rubbing across the back of your hand. 

“Why wouldn’t I?” he replies back with a hum, “beautiful, brilliant, funny, and you keep up — what’s there not to like?” 

“You know I’m not such a sucker for sweet words that I can’t see through them,” and his lips curl into a smile, as you both stop right outside your apartment building’s door, fluorescent light buzzing above you above, the cicadas’ symphony drowning out the light chatter from people walking by, “did you only ask me out to piss off Suguru?” 

“That was part of the reason,” he admits, and you tilt your head, rolling your eyes, “what?” 

“Such a brilliant physics professor can be so childish — what hope is there for any of the other men?” and he laughs, cerulean eyes flashing with amusement, “then what was the rest of the reason?” 

And his teeth graze over his bottom lip, as he steps closer to you, his fingers cupping your chin, “I want you, is that straightforward enough for you?” And you shiver, and he doesn’t miss your thighs squeezing together, as he leans even closer, “c’mon sweetheart, this is more than just a game, because if it was, I would have stopped after the first time seeing you,” his thumb rubs over the mark Suguru left right below your jaw and his lips curl into a grin, “that was already enough to piss Suguru off,” 

“And now?” 

He’s leaning even closer, breath catching in your throat, “Now I just wanna know every inch of you, sweetheart, that okay by you?” 

And you’re leaning up first, lips grazing his, barely for a moment, before Satoru finds your lips again. Where Suguru’s lips were impatient and passionate — Satoru was softer and playful, his teeth grazing your bottom lip, his tongue teasing your lips apart, and a smile as he swallowed your moan eagerly. “So responsive,” he’s pulling away to stare at your swollen lips, parted beautifully for him, as he pulls on your bottom lip with his thumb, before his lips press kisses to your ear, latching onto your earlobe, teeth grazing as he sucked, “bet your other lips taste as sweet, don’t they, angel?” hot words sending heat directly to your core, as your hand finds purchase on his shoulder, “I can see why Suguru wanted to keep you for himself — such a pretty little thing, but you’re mine right now, aren’t you?” 

His hands slide down down your curves, squeezing your hips teasingly, “Satoru—” and you’re glancing around at the barren streets, the quiet chatter of people could still be heard in the distance, “someone could see—” 

“So?” and his lips find the mark Suguru had left, his lips closing around it and sucking, a gasp pulled from your throat, as you keen against his touch, “want them to see you all pliant for me, need them to hear you moaning my name, need you baby, need you so much that it hurts,” as the corner of his lips quirk upwards when you whimper when he sucks an even bigger mark against your collarbone, “and I think you need me too.” 

Or maybe, as you pulled him inside of your apartment building, he wanted you to want him as much as he did right now. 

~~~

The campus had become a battlefield, and you were the prize they were waging war for — unwittingly so, but by your own hand, as you just couldn’t choose. 

But how could you? 

“Suguru—” his lips found yours right outside his office, and you could taste the soba noodles he had for lunch, as his fingers threaded through your hair, his other sneaky hand slipping lower around your waist, tugging you even closer against him, “I have a class to teach,” 

“Well, there’s something I wanna teach you before you go,” he rasps, as his tongue parts your lips again, tasting your own, “you can afford to keep your students waiting a minute, can’t you? You already denied me your company last night,” he grumbles, and you know he’s jealous that you didn’t stop by after your dinner with Satoru last night, but you’re having trouble finding the words to reassure him as his hand gropes your ass now, squeezing and teasing each cheek, And you don’t have enough time to react, as he’s tugging the turtle neck you had opted for, only for his eyes to narrow at the many blooming red hickies that Satoru had littered your skin with the night before, “were you hiding these?” 

Your tongue ties itself into a knot, “I just—” you didn’t want Suguru to get upset — you were hoping to avoid a problem, “I didn’t want you—” And he’s pulling you back into his office, right against the door, as he’s sinking to his knees, as he’s tugging down your dress pants to your ankles, “Suguru—” 

“What?” his eyes flicker up, irises dark pools of anger, “he can leave his mark, and so can I,” and his teeth graze the soft flesh of your inner thigh, making you gasp, his hands holding you in place even as you lurch forward, his teeth meanly digging into your thigh, as his tongue flicks over it to soothe the ache, “taste so good, princess — I can see why Satoru couldn’t resist marking you up — maybe I should make a habit of it,” and you whimper, and his fingers press against the crotch of your underwear, teasing the wet patch, “don’t act you don’t like, sweetheart,” and he’s nosing your underwear, pressing a kiss against your aching cunt through your underwear, “I think you’re going to more than a little late to your next class, baby, better send an email, ok?” 

~~~

“Where’s that mouth of yours now, Toru?” you tease, looking up at him, your knees were definitely going to have carpet burn after this, as you palmed his tented erection, before going to undo his belt and tugging his slacks down, “been wanting this haven’t you?” and he moans a little too loudly when you tug his boxers down, his leaking cock slapping against his shirt, “don’t be so loud, it’s a library after all,” 

This was Satoru’s idea — because of course it was — he had grown tired of your offices and empty classrooms, and wanted a change of scenery — because apparently waiting an entire day to spend some time at home was simply out of the question. And that’s how you ended up on your knees in one of the very back of the library where very few if any ventured, in between one of the stacks that was only visible from one side. But even so, you could hear the distant page flips of textbooks and the whispers from across tables, and anyone could find you both in such compromising position — but the risk was exactly what Satoru wanted. 

“Ca-can’t help it, sweetheart, been thinking about how pretty you’d look on your knees f’me all day,” and he’s rambling now, pressing a fist to his lips, as the other clutches at the shelf behind him, his lust glazed crystalline gaze watching you as your fingers graze his cock, thumbing at the pearly bead of precum, “been so hard all day — wanting your pretty little lips around my cock,” 

And you giggle, as you lick his precum from your fingers, before spitting in your hand, beginning to rub his his cock, fingers teasingly tracing each and every lovely vein and ridge, making him buck his hips against your touch, “g’nna have to try to be quieter than that when I wrap my lips around you, baby,” and your lips kiss the tip, kitten licking the tip, tasting the salty pre-cum from the source, pulling out a choked gasp from his throat, “must have been aching in all your classes, Toru — I wonder if your students noticed — wonder if they thought about having this cock down their throat,” and he’s swallowing thickly, “too bad this cock is mine,” 

And you’re pumping him in earnest now, precum and spit as makeshift lube as the lewd noises of your hand glides over his dick, as he stares down at you with half-lidded eyes, glazed over with pure lust, “Fuck, Toru, your cock is so fucking gorgeous,” and you groan, before you guide him to your lips, letting the precum gather on them, until you let him sink into your mouth. 

He’s already so close — you can tell by the way his cock is twitching in your mouth, as you swallow around him, tongue wrapping around him, “I’m g’nna cum down your throat too soon, baby,” and his words come out strangled, your fingers squeezing what you couldn’t fit in your mouth, “fuuuck, baby, I’m gonna fuck that pretty mouth,” and his hips are rolling as he clutches against the stack behind him, the other weaving into your hair, fingernails digging into your scalp, “gonna make you feel so good, gotta reward you for being such a good girl, taking my dick so well,” 

You gag lightly on his cock, the tip hitting the back of your throat, tears forming at the corners of your eyes, and the only thing you can hear is the way your mouth slurping around his dick, the wet squelches as he fucks your throat, “I’m—” and that’s the only warning you get, before his hot cum slides down your throat, his hands grasping at your hair to hold you in place, “swallow every drop, baby, so nasty,” he’s whispering now, legs unsteady, as he watches you pull away, a string of cum and spit connecting you to his cock, and he’s almost hypnotized by the sight of you, utterly fucked out, your tongue darting out to lick the cum that dripped from your mouth, wiping the rest on the back of your hand. 

And he’s groaning, “Sweetheart, I gotta fuck you so bad,” and he’s helping you to your feet, pressing an insistent kiss to your lips, his tongue sliding into your mouth, groaning as he tastes his release in your mouth. But you’re tugging up his boxers and slacks, adjusting them into place, and he whines, “babyyyy,” 

“Not right now, Toru,” you glance around, “someone could see us, we’re lucky no one heard us with how loud you were being,” you kiss his neck, as he pouts, “such a good boy for me, I expect a reward tonight,” and he’s grinning, raising his eyebrows — and so fucking eager.

“Oh, I’ll reward you all night for this, baby,” and he’s pulling you into another kiss, before you hear someone clearing their throat. 

And you pull away to find Suguru standing, looking thoroughly unimpressed, “I was wondering why you were late for our lunch, and here you are,” his tone is even, but his eyes are like daggers digging into Satoru’s skin. 

But it only seems to bounce off Satoru, his lips curled in a devious grin, as he only wraps an arm around your waist, “Sorry Suguru for keeping her, she would’ve called, but she had her mouth full,” and your cheeks flush, as your eyes snap to Satoru, mouth agape — this motherfucker— “it won’t happen again, or it might,” and he squeezes your ass, as he slips away, “by the way,” Satoru plucks a book out of the stack on the top shelf, “here’s that book you were looking for that you mentioned before,” pushing it into Suguru’s hands, and he’s gone in a moment, leaving you both alone. 

Suguru’s expression flashes with irritation for a moment, before his lips curl into a smile, “Shall we go?” 

And you only knew that you would catch hell for this in Suguru’s office now — the ache between your legs only growing — not that you really minded. 

~~~

The game between Suguru and Satoru only continued to escalate — fucking you and fucking with each other while they were at it. Suguru had retaliated by marking you up in his office after bending you over his desk. He had spanked you, hand bearing down  “Such a needy one, aren’t you, princess? Sucking another man’s dick when you were supposed to be enjoying a nice lunch with me,” he scoffs, slapping another mean spank, but this time to your aching pussy, 

“Such. A. Greedy. Girl,” he says between slaps, making you cry out, nails digging into the wood of his desk, “don’t think bad girls deserve lunch — you’re probably still full off his cum, anyway,” you can hear the click of his belt, as he’s undoing his pants, “no, I think I should fill something else,” and his thick cockhead is rubbing against your dripping folds making you whimper, “don’t you think, baby?” 

And he had spent the rest of lunch fucking you, even doing it again after you had finished teaching, waiting at the back door of your classroom for your students to file out, before he had you in his arms again, spread for him as he makes you ride him on the desk. Deep long strokes that have you whining and writhing in his lap, before he’s fucking his cum into you again. And after he’s setting you down on shaky legs, helping you fix your clothes, before dragging your ruined underwear down your ankles, before snatching them up, and pocketing them, as you stare at him, only a smile on his lips, “for later use,” 

He lets you wash up, but insists on dropping you off at Satoru’s doorstep with a grin and a wave. And Satoru nearly has you pressed against the door when you enter, hand already sliding down your pants, raising his eyebrows with a grin, when he finds nothing there, “Teaching without panties, Professor?” and he’s sinking to his knees for you, taking your dress pants with them, looking up with a shiteating grin (though surely it would be pussyeating later), “didn’t know you were such a naughty girl,” 

“I didn’t,” the defensive reply leaves your mouth without a thought, as Satoru tilts his head, “I mean, I—” you lick your lips, feeling your cheeks burn with embarrassment — you were so stupid — “I had them on before,” 

And the pieces are clicking in his head, as his hands press your thighs open, seeing the scattered marks left by Suguru — and then he’s pressing a kiss to the marks that Suguru made, murmuring, “do I get to keep something too? That’s not really fair Princess — gonna hurt my feelings if you play favorites,” 

“What do you want?” And he’s grinning, and you know he has something specific in mind. 

~~~~

“You could’ve chosen anything, and you wanted this,” you settle on Satoru’s lap, making his hips roll helplessly against you — you bite your lip as you look at him, his hands were tied behind the back of the chair, your underwear stuffed in his mouth, “you wanted these right?” You tease, tugging at the back of his head, “how’d your colleagues think of you now?” Your fingers palm the base of his leaking cock, it was so pretty, just as he was,  “the great Satoru Gojo tied up and dick out for his junior, huh? Maybe I should take a picture, show them how pliant you are?” You’d never do that, but you knew the idea turned him on — his groan evidence enough, his traitorous dick twitching at your words. 

A muffled groan against your panties, his pretty blue eyes staring up at you pleadingly, “want something, baby boy?” 

And a whine leaves his throat, and you’re smiling, fingers squeezing harder, and his hips jerk again,  “My hand?” And he shakes his head, “my mouth?” And he’s shaking his head, and your lips curl, “you think I’m that easy?” And he gives a nod, making you raise an eyebrow, about to reply when there’s a knock at the door. 

Your eyes both snap over, the door thankfully locked, but a slow grin grows on your lips, as you ease off his lap,as he’s staring at you with wide eyes, “Gotta see who it is, can’t be rude, baby,” and you’re adjusting your clothes, opening the door just a crack. 

“Oh, Professor,” Satoru hears a female voice - it was a student from one of his classes — Rei? Ren? — “do you know where Professor Gojo is?” Her surprise was evident, but you only seemed to take it in stride. This was the student who always loved to flirt with him, taking any opportunity even outside of office hours. 

“Oh he’s all tied up in a meeting right now, I’m waiting for him to get back to discuss school related matters,” you sigh, opening the door slightly more, making him squirm — if you opened it a little more… he’s nearly moaning at the thought, “you know him, he can never shut up when it comes to Physics,” and the student chuckles, and now you’re prolonging the conversation on purpose, asking her about the semester and how classes are going - he’s straining against his own tie you had used bind him, a small whine that he swallows when he sees you give him the middle finger behind your back — a warning, “I’ll let him know you stopped by and he’ll email you to set up a meeting,” 

And you shut the door, locking it , before turning, your eyes falling to his cock — even redder than before, pretty bead of precum at the end — “I see you enjoyed that, did you want your students to see you like this? Spread out and tied up for me?” You’re unbuttoning your blouse, as you slowly walk over, before settling on his lap. Your fingers tug at his hair on the back of his head, pulling your panties from his mouth, and stuffing it in his shirt pocket, “I wanna hear you talk now,” and you’re grasping his leaking cock, pressing it against your aching cunt,  “beg for me,” 

And he whimpers, “Fuuuuck, please, sweetheart, I need you to fuck me, use me as your toy, just—“ he’s biting his lip, leaning up, blue eyes watery, “I need you, I need you so bad,” and you’re dragging your thumb down his erect nipples, before you’re leaning down to bite one, nibbling and sucking, “shit—fu—“ and he’s keening against you, desperate for more, snapping his hips against you making his top part your folds, drawing a moan from your lips. 

“So needy, you couldn’t even wait for me to fuck you,” you sink onto him, meanly grinding on him, his thick cock parting his folds all too fast — your walls squeezing the cum out of him. And he’s choking out a gasp as you cover his mouth, his spit wetting your fingers, “do you want other people to hear your pornographic moans? Those are just for me,” and you start to ride him, hips slapping against his, as you moan softly into his ear, “always make me feel so good, Toru, s’full,” and he’s twitching inside you, a moan vibrating against your fingers, “should have known you love praise — it’s your favorite drinking game,” you teased, as his hips begin to snap to meet yours, driving himself in deeper. 

“Oh, fuck, you feel so perfect, baby, so fuckin’ wet f’me, so warm,” he’s meeting every snap of your hips, and you’re only moaning now, messily covering his mouth with your lips, so he can eagerly swallow your sounds for you, tongues tied together, the groan and squeaks of the chair only growing louder. 

Until you pull your lips from him, “Toru, I’m close,” and he’s nodding, his head lolling back as your walls clench around him. He doesn’t last much longer, toes curling as his hips continuing to fuck you through your orgasm, until he’s notching himself in you deep. Two more thrusts and he’s spilling inside you, fucking his load deeper, as you collapse on top of him, burying your face in his shoulder. Boneless, as he kisses your shoulder sweetly, as you untie his hands, freeing them, so he can hold you. 

And you pull back to look at him, pale cheeks flushed, lips bitten red, and sheen of sweat on his forehead — he’s so fucking pretty— 

And he’s only grinning— “can we do it again? 

—and a fucking menace. 

~~~

“Relax,” Suguru whispers, fingers pressing his glass of wine to his lips, his hand on the small of your back to guide you, “you’re so tense,” he chides gently, as your eyes flit to glare at him. 

He knew exactly why you were tense. 

The two of you stroll into the university gala, hosted to draw in wealthy alumni and investors in hopes of donations and to show off the prestige of the university. And as a new professor, you were required to attend — as was Suguru, as one of the most reputable. 

“Suguru, I know I agreed to this, but is it a good idea for us to be going to an event like this together? People could talk,” and he’s only shrugging, a smirk on his lips. 

“People are already talking, so why not give them something to talk about, Professor?” he whispers in your ear, hot breath against your ear making you flush. 

“Any publicity is not always good publicity, Suguru,” you sigh, hearing whispers as the two you walked the length of the hall, “don’t think the university would take kindly to gossip and rumors about affairs amongst their employees,” 

“Two, no sorry, three single professors engaging in healthy relations isn’t something that should be shamed,” he’s looking at you with mock outrage, mouth agape, “are you not for healthy expression of sexuality, Professor?” 

You snort, whispering, “Y’know I’m all about that, Sugu—or should I bring up how many times you came last night? You had to wash your cum off my back,” and you delight in the slight red tint in his cheeks, before he shamelessly grins. 

“Remind me? I still have the pictures,” he snorts, and something he says sticks in the back of your mind.

“Are we? Single, that is,” you ask, chewing on your lip — the worst time to ask the “what are we” question was in a banquet hall full of people who didn’t know about your relations — or your ones with his best friend. 

“Well, I’m only seeing you, if that’s what you mean,” and your anxiety ease a bit, “but the same can’t be said for you,” and his words are half-teasing, but half serious — his gaze growing a bit more serious, “How long are you going to make us wait until you choose, sweetheart?” 

“Until I choose?” and he’s turning to look at you, fingers cupping your chin. 

“Do you expect us to share you forever?” he’s glances to see if anyone is watching before his thumb drags over your lips, “because I’m not too good at sharing, and I don’t think Satoru is either,”

And then your conversation is cut short just as two investors approach Suguru to engage in some discussion of ethics. Your mind wanders as soon as you’re done with the formal platitudes, putting your hand on Suguru’s arm to tell him you’re going to get a drink, before excusing yourself for a moment. You wander to the bar, ordering yourself a drink, before pulling your phone out discreetly — notifications only from Satoru staring back at you. 

“Can’t believe you got conned into attending the gala,” and you sigh, honestly you couldn’t believe it either — you sneak a look at Suguru in his suit — a deep burgundy suit with a black shirt that complemented his black hair tied into a neat bun, aside from the few strands framing one side of his face. No tie around his neck, because of course, he couldn’t be too proper — although, when that was your view, you suppose you could. 

“I can’t exactly say no, I’m a new professor.” and Satoru’s reply is almost instant. 

“I could’ve gotten you out of it, but you agreed to crucify yourself with Suguru. Too bad, we could’ve had our own fun :P” and Satoru as always had a one track mind. 

You roll your eyes, “Mind only on one thing, Satoru?”

“Only when it comes to you, baby, ;)” and you snort, lips curling at his remark, another text coming through right after—

“Who are you texting?” Suguru’s voice makes you jump, as you tuck your phone away, missing Satoru’s last text as you do, raising an eyebrow, “let me guess, trying to convince you to skip out?” 

“Well—” and his arm is around your waist, making your breath catch in your throat. 

“Then let’s go,” and he’s striding through the throng of people gathered at tables and floating through the banquet hall, finding his way through the double doors, veering into a hallway right off of the hall that only led to the electrical closet and other maintenance rooms, “we can have a quick respite,” and he’s unbuttoning the button on his jacket, as he turns his gaze to you. 

“Where—” and he’s pressing you against the wall of the hallway, a pillar positioned nearby that blocked the view of passersby, but completely exposed otherwise, “Sugu—” you squeal, as you try to urge his hands off your body, but he’s only squeezing your hips harder. 

“Like I said, let’s give them something to talk about,” and his hands slide down the curves of your body, and he’s kissing you, stealing any protests from you from your lips, just as he does your breath, “you think I can resist you this whole night when you look like this, princess?” his hand slides up the slit of your dress, thick fingers against your bare thigh, “you’re temptation incarnate—” and two fingers are dragging your underwear to your ankles, “and the best cunt I’ve ever had,” 

And his knee pressed against your bare, aching pussy sends a ripple of logic through you, “We shouldn’t—someone could see—” and his knee only presses harder against you, as you gasp, biting your lip, and he’s smiling wickedly as you grow even wetter, cunt fluttering at the thought. 

“Be more honest, sweetheart, you love this — your lips are saying one thing and your princess cunt is saying another,” and he’s pressing his knee into you, grunting as he feels your slick collect on his dress pants, “c’mon pretty, I can’t be doing all the work. Fuck yourself on my thigh like a good girl,” 

“Sugu—” and he’s meanly gripping your chin, his dark eyes blown out with lust. 

“You gonna be good f’me, or do I have to make you?” And his fingers find the soft flesh of your ass, squeezing, ripping a moan from your lips. And you snap, beginning to chase your high, grinding on his thigh, as he flexed in time with it. Your lips meet in a sloppy kiss, tongues tasting each other, as the rest of the party melts away, your fingers reaching down to palm his erection through his slacks, “fuck, such a filthy girl — g’nna make me cum in my pants — you gonna clean up your mess after?” 

And you’re nodding, moaning as his knee hits the right friction against your clit, “I’m close, Sugu—“ 

And he’s reaching down to grab your ass to find the perfect angle, his thigh flexing, and you’re cumming, burying your face in his neck as you ride your orgasm out, slick squelching all too loud against his now ruined pants. 

And you’re panting, chest rising and falling, as you lean back before kissing Suguru hard, “sweetheart—“ and he’s lowering you on wobbly legs, as your hands slip off his jacket to drape in front of him as a weak attempt to hide the large stain of your cum. 

“Let’s go,” and he’s not protesting, grinning as you drag him out, eyes still on him as you walk backwards out of the hall. 

And neither of you notice, the figure behind the pillar, watching, as he slowly tucked himself back into his gray suit pants, pale skin flushed, as his crystalline blue eyes watched you both walk off. He’s panting, teeth grazing over his lip as he composes himself. 

Fuck, he had never cum so hard, except with you. The way your face contorted in pleasure, how Suguru had made you moan, how he took control of you — it was fucking hot. He almost scoffs at himself, rubbing a hand down his face, he never thought of himself as a voyeur but maybe he was. And his lips curl, as his mind unraveled an idea — one where all three of you could enjoy. 

Maybe he could learn to share. 

It would just take the right amount of precision, and luckily, Satoru smiled at your text chain, his last text still unread  — he was all about precision. 

And who can resist you in that dress? 

~~~~

“This is a fucking terrible idea,” you murmur against Satoru’s lips, as he presses you into the desk, “he could come back any minute,” and he’s pressing you into the edge of Suguru’s desk, crumpling papers, shaking books and picture frames on Suguru’s desk, “Toru—”

One minute, you were having a nice lunch with Satoru, and the next, he’s gotten you stumbling into his office with his hands under your shirt — or what you thought was his office.  

“Don’t act like you didn’t want this, sweetheart,” his fingers are toying with the hem of your dress pants, his lips pressing wet kisses along your jaw, “so needy f’me two seconds ago, didn’t even notice we went into the wrong office, and now you want me to make the lengthy journey back to my own?” 

Your scoff grows into a gasp as his teeth grazes your pulse, teeth digging into your soft flesh before running his tongue over the blooming bruise, “It’s right next door,” and he clicks his tongue against your skin. 

“And imagine how long that’d take, might end up taking you right in the hall, and imagine the rumors that’d spread then,” he’s chuckling as his hands slide under your shirt, teasing your tits through your bra, “what then? Gonna let them see how much of a needy girl you are for me?” 

He’s plucking moans and whines out of you with ease, all too familiar with tearing down your inhibitions with precise ease, “fuck, what if he sees us—he could walk in any minute—” 

“Aww, baby I just wanted to fuck you in the same place we first met, wouldn’t that be romantic?” and he’s tugging your pants down all the same, fingers unbuttoning your blouse as he pouts, “eat you out in the very chair I first saw you in, suck my cock while I sit in Suguru’s chair — doesn’t that sound like a good way to declare our undying love for one another?” 

“Toru—” you sigh, and he’s catching your lips in a kiss, lips curled as you melt into his touch, as he sheds you of your clothes. 

He’s sinking to his knees, spreading your thighs for him, kissing the wet patch of precum collected on your underwear. He’s inhaling, before warm breath settles against your skin, “such a perfect pussy,” and his tongue drags against the wet fabric, sucking at your clit through it, making you lurch against him, his large palms keeping you spread. 

“Don’t know how Suguru doesn’t like sweets since he loves eating you out—” and your gaze is snapping down to him, a knowing grin on his lips, “still the sweetest thing I’ve tasted, pretty girl,” 

“How do you—” 

He chuckles, as he presses sweet kisses to your inner thigh, the vibration making you shiver, “With the amount of marks he leaves, I’d be surprised he didn’t — I may be a pretty face, sweetheart, but I’m not an idiot,” and you gasp as he uses his teeth to drag down your underwear, “can i keep these?” 

“If you both keep stealing my underwear, I’m not going to have any left—” 

“Even better,” he says cheekily, as he pockets them, “you’re not helping your case, baby,” and you glare down at him, but your mouth falls open as he presses a kiss to your weeping cunt, nose bumping against your swollen clit teasingly, “neither is this pussy of yours — you’re making a mess all over Suguru’s desk, think he’d enjoy that?” and he’s running his tongue over your folds, a pretty moan falling from your lips, “such a nasty girl, aren’t you?” and he’s teasing your outer lips with his wicked tongue, before he’s back to kissing and sucking marks onto your thighs.

“Toru,” you whine, “please,” and Satoru finally relents, wasting no time to bury his face in your cunt. He’s licking and sucking tight circles around your puffy clit before his tongue begins to part your folds, his fingers assisting in pulling your clenching walls apart, “fuuuck, sweetheart, can’t wait to feel you around my cock, gonna suck me dry with this perfect pussy,” your fingers find purchase in his snowy locks, hips grinding against his face shamelessly, His tongue was warm and hot inside your cunt, flicking against places you couldn’t reach with your fingers, his thumb teasing your clit in tight circles, making you see stars before your eyes. 

“Satoru, please, s’close,” and he’s moaning against your sweet cunt, eyes flickering down to see him groping his erection through his slacks, the sensation of his moans enough to make you squirt all over his face, his tongue and mouth eagerly eating you out through your release. Moaning his name as your chest heaves, your thighs try to close around his head, burying him deeper between them, as your toes curl. 

And neither of you had noticed that the door had swung open, as Suguru stood in the doorway, his eyes flitting over the scene in front of him, your leaking cunt spread out in front of him, as Satoru turns at the door shuttinh, lips and chin still glossy with your release and his sweat, as he only grins up at his best friend. 

“And what did you say about my problem with knocking?” and his eyes narrow, but he doesn’t take his eyes off of you, chest still heaving from your orgasm, juices spilling from your needy cunt, “at least I knocked last time,”

“I don't think knocking applies to when it comes to your own office, Satoru,” he sighs, casually removing his suit coat and unbuttoning the cuffs of his dress shirt as he rolls them up, lidded eyes still raking over you, you squirming under his gaze as Satoru still holds your thighs wide open so they both can see your pretty pussy spread out and leaking, your release dripping down the hardwood of Suguru’s desk and onto his carpet, “come on, Satoru, you could’ve done this more subtly?” Suguru sits on the couch, manspreading his thick thighs, as his eyes met yours, dark lidded gaze that only makes your cunt twitch. 

“Oh you know how I feel about subtlety,” and he’s lapping lightly at your leaking cunt, making your walls flutter, “I don’t like to waste time,” and he’s licking his lips clean, before wiping the rest on the back his hand, before turning to you, “saw you fucking our pretty princess at the gala — felt a little different than I thought it would,” and Satoru guides your gaze with his thumb on your chin to Suguru so your eyes spot the tenting bulge between his legs, “seems like you feel the same, Suguru,” 

“And if I do?” He’s raising an eyebrow finally tearing his eyes away from you to glance at his best friend, “then what?” 

And Satoru is kissing your neck sweetly, “Think someone could use your attention, got this sweet cunt all ready for you,” and Suguru’s cock twitches in his pants, “or if you prefer, her mouth is more than willing, isn’t it, sweetheart?” 

“What would you be doing? Watching?”and Satoru scoffs, as he’s pulling you into a kiss, lips sliding against yours, as his tongue parts them, letting you taste yourself on his lips. 

And he’s pulling away, wiping a little saliva that drips from your lips, “oh I’d be doing more than just watching,” and Suguru sighs, as your gaze flicks over to him, his lips surprisingly curled in a smile. 

“Wonder how tight our princess will get with both of us in her,” Suguru hums, and your mouth falls open at his words, “wonder who’s name she’ll scream first,” 

“If you have to wonder, then you’ll know it’s mine,” and Satoru is forcing your gaze back to him, “what do you say, sweetheart?  Are you ready to handle us both?”

And you can’t believe your ears, as you glance between them, “but what about choosing?” And Suguru chuckles, two fingers unbuttoning his pants, dragging them down to pool around his ankles, his cock straining against the fabric of his briefs, a wet patch where the head rested. 

“Right now, the only thing I want you to choose between is whether you want my cock in your cunt first or in your mouth,” and Satoru only grins, his large palms sliding down your back, and under your ass and thighs. 

“Want some help getting there, baby?” and you’re biting your lip and nodding, and he’s lifting you with ease, pressing wet kisses down your neck, before placing you on your knees in front of Suguru. 

Suguru looks down at you, lips twitching upward into a grin, “Have you made your decision, princess?” and you nod wordlessly, as you settle on your knees between his thighs, pressing an open mouthed kiss to the damp fabric of his briefs, making him hiss. 

“Wanna taste you before you fuck me, Sugu,” your fingers sliding into the elastic of his briefs and tugging them down, his pretty cock nearly slapping both your face and his shirt as you free it from its confines. He’s a little thicker than Satoru, you can barely get your lips around him, but Satoru had a easier time hitting the back of your throat, “need your cum down my throat,” and he’s grunting, your lips kissing the tip of his cock, tongue darting out to collect the precum leaking from the slit. Your tongue then drags along his vein, making him hiss, as Satoru only grins, adjusting himself in his slacks. 

“Don’t know why I haven’t fucked this perfect mouth sooner,” Suguru groans, the weight of his cock was so nice in your warm and wet mouth. Your fingers stroked what you couldn’t fit, as Satoru sits back and watches, his gaze boring into your back, as you hear the click of his belt, and you know Satoru is undressing behind you, “now you’re going to know what it’s really like to have your mouth full, princess,”

And Satoru scoffs, his footsteps growing closer to you, as you hear the dull slump of his clothes against the carpet, “Jealous that I fucked it first and fucked it better, Suguru?”

Suguru’s fingers weave into your hair, tugging at it lightly, making you moan around his aching cock, making him grunt, “We’ll see about that,” and then you feel a pair of lips pressing a constellation of kisses along your back, as Satoru presses himself against you, his cock sliding between your thighs, teasing your aching cunt, “don’t wanna just enjoy the show this time, wanna be a part of it, ain’t that right, baby?” 

Your cunt is fluttering around nothing as he rubs his cock against your outer lips and thighs, drawing more moans out of you, your fingers stuttering with their touch, until a sharp pull at your hair, draws your gaze upwards. 

“Don’t forget whose cock you’re sucking, princess,” and his hips shallowly thrust against you, tip brushing against your throat, making you gasp, fingers digging into his thighs, “or I’ll remind you,” 

“Oh, so scary, Suguru,” Satoru snorts from behind, as he steadies you from behind, his tongue dragging up your back, “now c’mon baby, squeeze your thighs for me like a good girl,” 

You re-double your efforts with Suguru, hollowing your cheeks and sucking as he slowly began to snap his hips and fuck your throat, all the while moaning around his cock as Satoru fucked your thighs. You squeezed your thighs, his cock slipping against your dripping cunt, making your walls flutter around nothing. 

“Fuck, sweetheart, you’re dripping aren’t you? Making my cock all messy before I’m even inside you,” Satoru is leaning down, grazing his teeth against the soft flesh of your back, before his own thighs on either side of you, force your legs closed tighter, making him groan, “don’t think I can wait much longer to fuck this little princess cunt,” 

“You’re going to have to, I’m first, after all the stunts you’ve pulled, Satoru,” and Suguru is close, his words coming out as pants, rutting against your mouth, his lidded eyes meeting your teary eyed ones, “that pussy is mine first,” 

And Satoru lets out a breathy chuckle as your pussy twitches at his words, as he continues to roll his hips into you, driving your mouth deeper onto Suguru’s cock, “if you’re that eager, don’t think our princess would mind having us both at the same time, now would she?” Satoru drags his tip against your clit, making you whine against Suguru. And you’re whimpering, unable to nod, but Suguru moans, hips stuttering, as you swallow around his dick. 

“That’s it, my greedy girl — g’nna cum down your throat, swallow every drop,” Suguru groans, his hips rut into your mouth, his warm load painting your throat, as you swallow his cum eagerly. He fucks himself into your mouth, your name leaving his lips as he pants, working himself through his orgasm, “that’s it, good fucking girl,” 

“I’ve trained her well,” Satoru grunts, “can take cock like a pro, can’t you baby?” And you’re pulling yourself off Suguru’s cock, a mix of saliva and cum connecting you to his dick, tongue licking your lips clean, watching Suguru’s chest heave.

You moan as Satoru fucks his cock between your thighs, the tip dragging against your dripping pussy, “Look at the fucking mess you’re making of my office, Princess,” Suguru coos, his fingers cupping your chin, and thumb brushing against your bottom lip, as he palms himself lazily, “think she’s ready for both of us, Satoru?” 

Satoru is close, squeezing your thighs tighter around his cock, “not yet, think this cunt needs your fingers stretching her out first,” and his cock twitches again, “fuuuck I’m close, sweetheart,” and he’s turning you over onto your back, lifting your legs up against his chest, fucking his cock between your thighs. And it’s too much for you, as you moan, clenching around nothing, your slick slipping down, as Satoru groans, before he’s painting your face white with his cum. 

And Satoru is panting, as he’s pulling you into his arms, collecting his cum with his fingers from your flushed face. His fingers drag down your lips, urging you to suck on them, “Fuck, Princess, so fucking hot,” and he’s leaning down to lick the length of your cheek, chuckling, “you taste like me, baby,” 

“Don’t hog her, Satoru,” Suguru chides, as he takes off his button up, and Satoru is shooting him a glare, before handing you over. 

And Suguru is grabbing you up, pulling you into his lap, pressing your back against his chest, letting your legs spread, pussy leaking your release all over him. He hissed as his cock rubs against you, “you’re fucking drenching me, you already ruined my carpet and desk, gonna ruin my couch too now, sweetheart,” 

His fingers part your folds, thumb bearing down on your aching clit, making you gasp, “So sensitive, haven’t even had our cocks yet, wonder if you’ll cry,” he hums, all too pleased, “gotta stretch you out first,” 

And his lithe finger begins to circle your lips, before sinking into your cunt and making you gasp, “So tight even after Satoru ate you out — what do you think, Satoru, three fingers or four?” And he’s already sinking another finger in, beginning to bully your walls, scissoring and stretching, as he pumps his fingers into you steadily. 

Satoru hums as he comes over, rolling your pebbled nipple between his thumb and pointer finger, drawing another moan from your lips, “Four, got to be sure she’ll fit us both,” and he leans down and takes your other in his lips, sucking before his teeth grazes your nipple. 

“Fuck, she got tighter when you started playing with her tits,” Suguru smiles, as you huff in embarrassment, fading into another moan as he slips a third finger in, and it’s almost too much — you’re seeing stars nearly, as his fingers find that spot that makes you squirm and squeal. 

“Sugu, fuck, it’s too much—“ and Suguru is only grinning, redoubling his efforts to find that spot again, pistoning his fingers in and out — the squelch of his fingers in your cunt ringing in your ears, as you give a broken whine, “I can’t—” 

“Sure you can, baby,” Satoru coos, his teeth grazing the soft flesh of your breast, sucking and licking, making you nearly sob, “feels so good, look at you, taking his fingers so well—almost there,” 

And Suguru finally sinks the fourth finger into you, and you’re so fucking stretched out, it feels so good — too good, “Gonna soak my whole hand at this rate, Princess,” and you’re only gasping and whining, grinding your hips against his fingers, wantonly chasing your high, and Satoru has the best view of it all — your swollen lovely lips parted, your eyes fluttering, and your pretty pussy fluttering around his best friend’s fingers. And Satoru can’t wait to see it all again, when they sink into you. 

You can’t hold back, your voice raw and broken, “I’m g’nna—” and Suguru is grabbing your chin, pulling into a sloppy kiss, his lips gliding against yours, saliva running down the corners of both of your lips, swallowing your moans eagerly. And finally your back is arching against his chest, his fingers relentless even as you do orgasm, fucking your walls through it, thrusting your release back into you. 

“That’s it, pretty,” Suguru murmurs, as he’s pulling his lips from you, dragging his thumb down your kiss ruined lips, “think you’re ready for us now, aren’t you?” 

“More than,” Satoru hums, as his fingers spread your pussy lips making you moan, before spanking your abused cunt, pulling a gasp from your lips, “who’s first?” 

And Suguru is manhandling you so that you’re settled in his lap, facing him, “You got to watch her pretty face when she cums, now it’s my turn,” and the tip of leaking erection brushing against your sensitive cunt, making you lurch against him, “so responsive as always,” 

“Hurry up, Suguru,” he’s grumbling, as he presses himself behind you, dragging his cock between your ass, making you whine, “wanna feel this pretty princess cunt milk me already,” 

Suguru chuckles, leaning forward to kiss along your jaw, “Baby, think Satoru is more desperate than you are,” and you’re smiling against his lips. 

“He always is,” you turn to smile at a pouting Satoru, but Suguru takes the opportunity to sink his cock into you, pushing past your walls, making your head snap back, mouth parted in an ‘o’ as his large palms settle on your hips, “Fuuuck, Sugu—” 

“I told you to pay attention to who’s fucking you, princess,” he grins, grunting as he bottoms out, his cock twitching inside your walls, “you’re fucking soakin’ my cock, still so fuckin’ tight after I stretched you out,” his hips slowly thrust into you, teasing you, lazily edging your sensitive pussy, “so pretty, so perfect,” and your walls flutter around him, “fuck, you like that, huh?” 

“Such a whore for our praise, huh?” Satoru pressing messy kisses to your neck, as he lines up himself in your cunt, “tell me you want this,” 

“Fuckin’ hurry up, Satoru, or I’m gonna burst before you even fuck her,” Suguru growls, his hips snapping a little too roughly that has you crying out, as Satoru makes you look at him, thumb cupping your chin. 

“Tell me, pretty, tell me how much you want both our dicks inside you,” Satoru croons, and his lips are pressing chaste butterfly kisses to you in contrast to the dirty words he says, with the slick sounds of Suguru fucking your needy cunt. 

“P-please, I need you, need both of you to fuck me,” your words fall from your lips without hesitation, “shit, I swear to god, Toru, just—” 

Your mouth falls open when Satoru pushes past your entrance, impaling you further, joining Suguru in your sweet cunt, and your mind is blanking — the fullness of them makes you nearly fall apart right then, the two of them groaning in beautiful synchrony. 

“Fuck, didn’t think you could get any tighter or wetter, but you keep proving me wrong,” Suguru moans, squeezing your hips sweetly. 

“So fuckin’ good, sweetheart, so, so good for us,” Satoru is mumbling into your shoulder as his hips begin to move against you, his balls slapping against your ass. 

They move at different paces — Satoru faster and harder while Suguru was slower and deeper —  their dicks driving into you, pressed between their bodies, sticky with sweat. Their hips strike their own rhythms, your orgasm quickly building like a flood, a wave ready to rip through you, as they fuck you again and again. 

“Fuck, perfect little princess cunt gonna break our dicks in half,” Satoru groans, as he’s pressing kisses to your neck, “not gonna last much longer, Suguru,” 

“Neither is she, judging from how her pussy is squeezing already,” Suguru grunts, as he’s pulling you into a sweet kiss, “now don’t forget, you gotta moan one of our names — moan the name that makes you cum,” and you’re fuckin’ close, so fucking close, you let out a pathetic whine that makes you flush at the sound of it, until they both begin to stutter inside you, hitting deeper, both brushing against that spot again. 

“I’m g’nna—” and that’s all you manage before your walls clamp down on them, drawing out pornographic groans from both of them in your ears, as their cocks bottom out, as they cum, emptying their loads into you, fucking their cum inside as you three come down from your highs.

Pants fill Suguru’s office, the squelch of their hips slowing, as they twitch inside your desperately clingy cunt, stilling, as the three of you rest, boneless against one another. Suguru’s lips find yours softly, while Satoru is burying his face in the nape of your neck. 

“You know Satoru, this has to be one of your better ideas,” Suguru hums, as he slowly eases out of your pussy, eyes darkening as he watches all of three of your mixed releases leak out of you, “although I’m going to have to get my carpet cleaned now,” 

“Worth it,” Satoru sighs, pulling himself out as well, to collapse on the couch beside Suguru, before grabbing at you and pulling you to sit between them both, one of your thighs on either’s leg. His fingers drift to your all too full cunt, before using two fingers to collect some of the cum and stuff it back in, making you yelp, “sorry, baby, can’t have you wasting our cum, can we?” he winks. 

“Fuck off,” you mumble, all too exhausted, as your head leans back against the couch, “so where does this leave us?” 

And the two best friends share a look, seemingly having the same thought,  “Well, at an impasse really,” Suguru sighs, lips curling into a grin. 

“You never moaned one of our names, did you?” Satoru hums, pressing needy kisses along your shoulder, “so guess we’ll have to do it all over again.” 

“Guess we will, only fair way to decide, isn’t it, Princess?” Suguru cups your cheek, leaning in for another kiss, as Satoru nibbles at your pulse, “again and again and again.” 

And again, there was very little that Satoru Gojo and Suguru Geto competed for — but you were one thing that they wouldn’t mind competing over for the rest of their lives. 

✴︎ a/n: this is @bucky-of-the-opera's fault. all their idea. i simply was possessed while writing this. thank you to them, @laneysmusings, and @lemonpoppy-seed for beta reading and encouraging me to stick through this monster of a fic. its also my first time writing a threesome fsjndkj

✴︎ tag list: @penny18271, @getowhxre, @doodlingpizza, @pandoraium, @gojoslittlecrybaby, @wavychelle, @n3cromancyy, @invisible-mori, @shujiforever, @vorschlaghannah, @karazorel7, @arquiiva, @samisubi, @gumisgirl, @moranguitosz, @pasta-warlord, @thejeezyweezys, @4ri3n, @goldeneclipsedragon, @kaerean, @vitaminjee, @grooveandshit, @californiadreaming20, @ilovetwodmen, @bontensbabygirl, @crazynocturnalkiki, @gojosatorumyoneandonly, @bloodmoon25, @jaszzsy, @strxwberrysmoothii, @naruucore, @puffaloxx, @starlightstream, @purplegalaxynight, @sinnerstardoll, @eliz-lovesgojo, @hopplessdreamer, @sociedadvinperfecta, @jamleon, @ichikanu, @negroperson, @anakinskywalkersloverr, @dohwaesu, @rosesxviness, @goldeneclipsedragon, @forest4bee,

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Happy For You | Yandere Malleus Draconia

Malleus had read extensively about the matters of the heart. As the prince of Briar Valley with a castle older than a millennium it’s natural, he’d delve into different fae authors as they detailed triumphant and tragic love stories. Filling his imaginative prepubescent brain with dreams of him dazzling his love and finally sharing true love’s kiss. 

But he was grown now. Long gone were the days he needed to rely on books and Lilia and Silver to simulate a sense of community. There were others that he learned to value their company. None stood out as much as the prefect of Ramshackle dorm—(Y/n).

Who in a matter of days after meeting them had ignited those dreams of romance. Unlike his past though this was real. You were real. It was a common event to find you coming through the gate of Ramshackle to talk into the late hours of the night. To say he was enthralled was putting it mildly. Passing thoughts of his time with you turned into bundled excitement that would persist through the week. Where he’d simply dream of sharing holidays turned into a reality he never wanted to end.

It was bliss.

It would have been bliss. 

If not for the measly rock on your finger.

“Tsuno-taro I’m engaged!”

Coupled with your shining smile, there was no way he could express the shattering of his heart with anything but a smile. As a dear friend of yours, it was his duty to stand by idly as you paraded around sharing your good news. Unaware that you were smothering the fae in his heaping regrets. That bubbling anger with himself, with the one who gifted you that diamond, and with everything that had ever been presented themselves as an obstacle. Maybe if he hadn’t spent time destroying them he’d have caught this much sooner. 

He smiles and congratulates you with all the elegance of a prince of the Draconia name.

Inserting himself into plans as he offers to be a part of the wedding in whatever way you need him. Help with decor, finding the venue, handcrafting your accessories—-all you have to do is ask and it’s done. Naturally securing himself as a member of your wedding party, rehearsing to stand by your side up until the moment you say your accursed vows. 

How it burns to witness the developing of a ceremony that’d promise he’d never have you. Not without ruining the joy you’ve been glowing with. The only comfort he deluded himself with was the searing pain described by tragedies of old. Convincing himself amid his stormy sphere as he reread the strong conviction of a character.

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”

He hoped this would be true. If fae were to surpass humanity in everything then it’s expected he ascend from his desires. To abandon his selfish fantasies of cursing the one who holds your heart. To keep the dreams of reverting to his dragon form during the beautiful ceremony as figments of imagination. The same way he imagined burning the decor to the ground as he demanded his child of a man be returned to him. Banishing those thoughts as he watched the sunrise on the big day. 

“Tsuno-taro…do you think I look alright?”

You look like everything he’s ever wished for. Like a painting prized as a global treasure. You look as worthy of world domination as you did the moment you ignored the first alarm. Just as irresistible as the day you handed him his first invitation in so long. Alright, that is an understatement. You’re a vision of perfection on earth. Greater than any natural rare mineral or obscure literature that depicts the origins of the world. You are everything Malleus hopes for. 

“You look immaculate, (Y/n).”

He didn’t walk you down the aisle or stand at the altar or throw rice in the air when you shared that binding kiss. 

But he watched. While reciting that your happiness was his. Your happiness was his. Your happiness was his. Your happiness could never be his. Downing a drink that wouldn’t get him drunk as the other guests let loose with rowdiness. He was thankful for the rabblerousing it blocked his vision when your spouse snuck you away from the reception. 

It was then that he left. 

Engulfing his tower in a torrent of violent storms, hoping to soothe the despair that gripped his being. The image of the intimacy he dreamed of sharing with you, stolen by someone who proposed with such a small token. 

He knew he’d be unreachable for days.

But he would pull it together. 

Ruling his kingdom and writing to you with just as much vigor as always. His child of man may never be his but their happiness would be. He’d just have to make do with that. 

__________________________________________________________

“They cheated on me!? Tsuno-tarou can you believe it?! What happened till death do us part!?”

Malleus never thought he could throw up.  He hasn’t gotten sick for many a century but it reappeared at the revelation of your unscheduled visit. Bags in hand and tears on your face it was an avalanche of emotions the King of Briar Valley had closed himself to. 

Anger at the tears on your face. It took you far too long to tell him who’d put them there. Collapsing into his chest brought dismay. His darling human was strong, a paragon of a survivor. Now reduced to a shriveling mess barely holding onto him, shaking with exhaustion. 

Then relief.

There was the conviction in his mind that called for guilt, those thoughts of envy and want, quelled with the truth about your partner. It was rejuvenating that he didn’t have to fight himself any longer for the sake of your happiness. Shattered in their careless actions it was as though fate had created a caveat for the King. No longer would he have to stifle every insult he’d been waiting to spout the second their name left your lips. 

With you by his side, in his arms, it was time he’d silence those regrets of his. Older and wiser now his expertise in running his kingdom extended well past the governing of his people. In his solitude, he learned of the hunger within him. The broiling spirit that beckoned him to cast a spying magic on you in your day-to-day life. The side of him that knew how to speak a honeyed truth into your weakened ears. 

A truth that would one day have you offering a humble but promising stone. 

“I know it’s not much but Malleus…will you marry me?”

Those characters who would have refused knowing what unblinded happiness their love was entitled to were incredibly wrong—in Malleus' opinion. As the King of the Draconia line, he’s read a plethora of literature. Some depict love stories and others tragedies all fueling the romance he had chased after. Malleus had decided that the dreams he had were his greatest wish was fulfilled. Where his child of man looked only at him, where their happiness was him was better than what those books had suggested before. 

His happiness has always been in (Y/n) and by any means necessary he was going to be the happiness his child of man needed.

“I will. I always planned to.”

[purecantarella]

A Long Time Coming

not what i really wanted to post for my comeback buT THIS WAS ALREADY HALF WRITTEN SO I THOUGHT JUST RUN WITH IT!! anyway, i hope you all missed me and i will try to get more writing in, i promise. but for now, here yall go!! kim jennie x reader disclaimer/s : none, mostly floof and a touch of angst if you squint

You think back to your entire life, never once thinking that you'd find yourself in one of the most stereotypical romcom plot trope in the book. Dashing through the airpot, trembling from the cold the rain brought you.

All for her. All for Kim Jennie.

Your entire life was intertwined with hers. Your father had worked closely with her mother during their college years, moving into the same community in New Zealand, both becoming single parents, and above all, had the same wants for their children.

You'd grown up with Jennie, especially with how familiar your parents were with one another. Same daycare, same friend group, same beliefs. It was uncanny how close you two were. You were even aligned to be in the same college, until she announced her intentions to audition for YG Entertainment.

She remembers the argument you two got into.

"You're serious?" You ask as she sits on your bed, trying to reason with you. She could tell from the furrow of your brows and the twitching of your lip just how upset you were. She breathes a sigh, "I just want to follow my own passion, N/n. Not the path our parents paved for us."

You fall back into your desk chair, averting your gaze from your childhood friend, your best friend. Eyes glued to the photo collage she made you during your 15th brithday. Jennie watches your stilled gaze as you stare at your young faces. Standing up to lean over you, placing her hand on yours.

The warmth of her hand sent sparks from your hand to your chest. Brushing the feeling off, you focus on her smile. The brightness radiating from it lighting up every night you slept over, the softness in those cat-like eyes, those soft plush cheeks.

You knew it would be better for her, but damn would you miss her.

"I know it'll be a little different..." She pauses, squeezing your hand gently, "But it'll always be you and me against the world. I could never lose you." The last part only gets past in a breath. Wordlessly, you pull her into a loose embrace. Arms draping around her waist, your head pressed against her chest, "I don't want to lose you either, Jen."

You whisper, silently giving her your blessing to leave as you nuzzle yourself deeper into her. Unbenost to either of you that your father was listening from the door, snacks in hand forgotten.

He watches as Jennie leans down to press her lips to the corner of your hairline, almost missing her saying, "And you'll always have me."

Your father keeps that in mind as you drive her to the airport, watching the tearful goodbye. He keeps it in mind when he watches you fall asleep talking to her. He keeps it in mind when he catches you making out with another woman in your class.

Most of all, he keeps it in mind when Jennie comes back to New Zealand.

"Dad, I was in a meeting. What's up?" You ask, carefully eying your assistant who fends off the angry businessmen. Suddenly, the nerves from the meeting are a distant memory when your father's gruff voice says, "You remember Jennie Kim?"

Your mind goes blank for a minute, previous stress from the meeting fading away as the memories of your first love filling your senses. Each sensation still fresh in your head, on your skin, and in your heart. Your father's words falling on deaf ears.

The last thing you caught before you thank him and tell him you won't be home for dinner is, "She's coming home."

It's been several years since you last saw Jennie, and just around the same time since you two drifted apart. She wasn't your adorable next door neighbor anymore, she was Kim Jennie of Blackpink. While you became a lawyer, choosing a smaller university to stay near home. You were successful and so was she.

But upon hearing her name again, you were a teenager just wanting her to look at you as more than a friend.

Your father and her mother spoke and arranged for a dinner just the four of you when she arrived. You'd planned all your cases around the week she would be in the country in spite of your client's irritability about all of it.

Her arrival date came far sooner than you were emotionally prepared for it. You dressed in your best, picked up flowers, and insisted to your assistant that you could drive to the airport just fine alone.

As you parked, you swallow thickly, placing a hand on your chest in attempts to calm your pounding heart. You take a deep breath and look at the lavish flowers with blue roses, lilac, and hydrangeas before whispering, "She's your best friend, it'll be fine."

Jennie was the same on the plane.

She sorely missed you but it had been years since she saw you. Would you be happy to see her? Would you want to see her? Were you the same? Did you still smile then your cheeks would flush? Do you still scratch at your nails when you got nervous? With how many questions flooded her head, she almost didn’t realize that she was landing.

As she dragged her luggage behind her, she looked around the airport for her mom. A couple minutes to no avail, she pulled her phone out in attempts to call her. A couple rings later, "Jennie! You've touched down, I presume?"

"Yeah-" Before she could say anything more, her mother interjected, "Oh! Then you'll see my surprise for you soon enough!" Jennie's mother exclaimed gleefully. A wave of tiredness washed over her and she sighed, a retort just at the tip of her tongue when someone spoke behind her.

"Jen...?"

The rapper whipped behind her and her eyes widened to a concerning degree.

There you were. Far more cleaned up than when she last saw you. Your tired eyes and loose fitting and dirty sweater evidently missing. In its place was a casual business suit, hair shiny and healthy, your eyes more alert and discerning. Her serious demeanor shattered at the look of you.

A squeal broke from her lips as she wrapped her arms around your neck. Your ears perked up at the contact, before you wrap your arms around her waist, pulling her impossibly closer. Savoring the smell of her vanilla body wash.

Jennie pulled away and looked at you in amazement while you take in every ounce of her. Not much changed, more so she just grew into her features. But regardless, you feel your heart pound harder than when you imagined reuniting with her.

"I uh..." You trail off awkwardly, only raising the flowers up to her. Like a child giving a gift to their first crush. Well, when it came to Jennie it was pretty much the same feeling. She smiles warmly at you before taking the bouquet in your hands, "Thank you, N/n. I love them." Her hand finding purchase on your arm.

A nervous laugh falls from your lips as you say, "The florist I terrorized for an hour will be very happy to hear that you liked them." Jennie looks up at you with an adoring glaze in her eyes. The smile on her face leaves you breathless and you grin like a child, slipping your hand onto the handle of her luggage, briefly brushing with her hand.

Jennie, trying to mask the flush on her cheeks, looks down. She sees how much you've changed from when she last saw you, just a teenager with their whole future ahead of them. It was odd, but comforting. You'd grown up to all that you strived for, she'd read up on some of the cases you've handled when she had down time. It filled her with an inexplicable amount of pride.

But she also couldn't tell if you would still want her around.

But then, her eyes fall down to your nailbeds and smiles, faint white lines. Maybe you weren’t too different from the Y/n she grew up with.

Once you were both hauled into your car, once again she'd felt like you've reached a point in your life where you have it figured out. A shiny and sleek black car that just oozed class and sophistication. It overwhelmed her to an nth degree.

The only thing keeping you grounded in her mind was the picked at nails you had, a sliver of what made her believe you were still the one she looked up to. The one she looked for in every friend she ever had...in every relationship she'd ever had.

You on the other hand, were just praying that your sweat wouldn't seep through your suit jacket. The anxiety of having her eyes on you weighed on you so heavily. The silence didn't help either.

You open your mouth to speak, but it shuts before anything substantial or just about anything came out. From the corner of your eye, you see Jennie smile before finally easing into the seat, gaze still locked on you.

"You really made something of yourself, N/n." She pauses as you shift the gears into drive and pull out of the slot you were in. You laugh gently at her statement, stealing brief glances, "You're one to talk, miss Jennie Kim of one of the world's biggest girl groups."

"Hope that's not all you think of me..." Jennie pouts before crossing her arms playfully, your smile softens as you lean over and pull her arms out of their position. Smoothly taking her hand in yours, in spite of yourself. Your heart catches up with the action but by this point it's too late, her fingers lace comfortably with yours.

You clear your throat and reply, "Of course that's not all I think of you..." I think of you as the first person I've ever had feelings like this for...maybe even the only one. You think to yourself.

Jennie stares at you expectantly, "You're extraordinary on stage, but nothing beats the memory of you and I just kicking back in my room with a cheesy sit-com on our off-brand cellphones on a crappy pirating site." You both laugh before you continue, stopping at a red light and looking over at her. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I see you as I always have..."

Pausing to find the right words to say to her as Jennie waits with bated breathe. Her mind and pulse rushing at a million miles a minute. You smile goofily at her, "I see you as the amazing, smart, gorgeous girl who took a chance on her soft-spoken neighbor."

The air around you both is thick and your eyes unconsciously flick down to her lips. Jennie is shocked and is left frozen. Realizing yourself, you clear your throat and pull a forced and dry laugh. "But that's not of course without the drawback of your hair literally being all over the place, on top of your obsession with keeping everything tidy!"

Jennie is pulled out of her adoration and howls out laughing, "Shut up!"

"I swear, one or two of my jackets being left on the floor leads to a whole fuckin spring cleaning moment!" You retort as the light turns green. The rapper beside you rolls her eyes and scoffs.

"Please, if it were just one jacket as you claim, why could I not walk in your room without accidentally stepping on a clean t-shirt."

The rest of the car ride went without a hitch, falling back into your old conversations, her telling you interesting stories of the idols she socializes with, and you whining about the demanding partners and clients you have.

Before you knew it, you were at the curb of your childhood home.

You and Jennie stepped into your home, a sense of familiarity filled the rapper. She breathed in the scent of lavender and sandalwood, the only candle your father ever lit. 'Added a touch of class' he would always say. Your hand wrapped around her waist, making her jump out of nostalgia.

"Jen, I'm just going to grab your bag. Make yourself at home." You say quickly before ducking out the door again, leaving her with a hot flush on her cheeks. Damn feelings, she thinks to herself.

"Jennie Kim! It's been far too long." Your father calls from the door of your kitchen. She smiles warmly at him before jogging over to him and accepting his embrace. He pulls away, ruffling her hair. "You gotta come around more often, kid."

You grunt as you lift Jennie's luggage to the first step of your staircase. Proud of yourself you turn to see Mama Kim smiling at you, "N/n, dearest!"

"Mama Kim!" You cry happily before enveloping her in a warm and tight embrace. She chuckles and pats your arm affectionately and as you pull away, she slaps it gently. You feign distress before she says to you with playful anger, "I've been in the country for weeks and it takes me running into your dad for me to see you."

You chuckle softly before bowing your head respectfully, "Some partners just keeping my hands full."

Jennie's mother smiles deviously, the idol must've picked it up from her. "Speaking of partners keeping your hands full, ever going to woman up and tell my daughter how you feel?" Your eyes bulge as she says this.

"I swear to God, did dad tell you anything?" You ask, embarrassment pumping through your veins. She simply hums and bumps your shoulder with a childlike pout. "Like you could ever hide anything from me. Remember when I caught you sneaking in after curfew."

You eye the older woman cautiously, her eyes glued to her daughter and your father. A soft expression falls onto her face before she looks up to you. "I know how happy she makes you. You don't buy bouquets like that for someone you don't care for." Mama Kim nods over to the flowers atop Jennie's purse.

You blush thinking back to when you bought the arrangement, being so meticulous and seeking the perfect flowers to give to your childhood best friend whom you haven't seen nor spoken to in 9 years. You clear your throat as Jennie looks over at you both, eyes disappearing as her smile brightened.

"I just want everything to be up to her standard." You whisper as she closely approaches. Her mother, still looking at you mutters, "Is it what she wants though?"

With that Mama Kim walks up to her daughter, giving her a tight squeeze while you walk over to your father who was still leaning up against the door frame of the kitchen. Two bottles of beer in hand, he hands one over to you. "She looks good."

You cringe as you take a sip, "Creepy, dad." But you both laugh, before you look to the two other women in the living room looking at old memorabilia. "You are right though...those YG cameras have nothing on how she looks in real life."

There's a lull, you two sip your alcohol quietly waiting for the oven to ding for dinner. You hear your father chuckle beside you, "And that is one hell of a bouquet, Y/n."

"Shut up, dad." Your dad sputters laughing when the oven dings. You grin to yourself and walk into the kitchen, "Dinner time!"

Dinner was filled with laughter and one too many drinks. All the while you couldn't keep your eyes off Jennie. You knew even when you two were kids that she was gorgeous and that that gummy smile lit up anything and everything. She was an enigma...and she still was.

You both stumbled into your bedroom, tipsy from the evening's drinks. Laughter echoing the hall followed by shushing from one another, given your father was asleep on the couch and her mother in the guest bedroom.

Once Jennie gains her composure, she looks around your room. "Not much changed around here since I was last here, huh?" She asks as you plop down on your bed. You hum softly as she continues to walk around the room, everything was meticulously kept. Even the stack of papers was kept tidy and organized. But something out of the corner of her eye piqued her interest.

"No." The rapper gasps before bolting to your shelf, there sat a Blackpink album beside her solo album. Jennie marvels at them for a second, dust had collected atop both of them but they hadn't lost their sheen. "You big fucking nerd!"

You groan and smile before you lift your head up, mind returning once you saw what she had in her hands. "You have my albums?!" She makes out of her laughter.

You grin sheepishly before sitting up to remove your jacket, "Don't make a big deal of it, Kim. I happen to be very in touch with music, not just yours." Trying to brush her off.

Without saying another word, Jennie returns your mini-collection to the shelf, and jumps onto you. You grunt as she lays flat on top of you. "Did your bed get lumpier or is it just me?"

You laugh breathlessly, "I will throw up if you crush me like this."

There's a silence for a moment, it lingers before she rolls over her eyes meeting yours. Eyes droopier but still so bright, it sends a wave of warmth through your chest. You stroke the back of her hair lovingly, weaving your fingers through her soft locks. "I don't think I've told you just how much I missed you, Jen."

She nods and lays her head flat on your chest, nuzzling deep into your shirt. You continue, "I wanted to reach out, but I never knew what to say or I was scared I'd say the wrong thing."

"You could never say the wrong thing, N/n." Her voice childlike and faint. You knew full well how hard your heart was beating and you just knew that she could hear it too. You press your nose atop her head, savoring the moment before your lips meet the soft skin of her forehead. "I almost did, so many times...I've almost told you that I-"

A soft snore.

You shift your gaze from the ceiling to the woman on your chest, sound asleep. You smile and lay another soft kiss on her forehead, "I love you, Jennie."

After that night, you noticed that Jennie had become more clingy. The morning after while you were cooking breakfast, she was seated on the counter, feeding you freshly cut fruit as you cooked. The next day while you were walking around in the New Zealand heat, she took the time to pat your forehead dry while your arms were interlocked.

Finding new ways to make each other smile and reminiscing on the days when all you had to worry about was a paper due at the end of the week. Now, you had jobs, she had crazy fans, and there was so much pressure on both your backs to do well by your clients and her audience.

"You get me, you just get me." Jennie says before she takes another lick of her ice cream. You two had found a nice shady tree with only a few onlookers in the middle of a serene park. You lay on her lap as she talks about how demanding her company is. Photoshoots, video shoots, promotional appearances, all of it. "Trust me, I know a thing or two about that, the people in my law firm suck." You whine.

Jennie laughs, brushing your baby hairs back with a thoughtful look on her face, "They can't be all bad."

You look up at her, catching her eye, giving her a small wistful smile, "They aren't you."

Jennie's eyes widen before she nervously laughs and crushes what's left of her ice cream on your forehead. You gasp and shoot up pulling the sticky substance from your skin, "You're fucking dead, Kim!" You yell before she squeals and runs around the tree.

Her laughter makes her breathe catch before she leans up against the tree, holding her hand out in defense. "Y/n, I call truce, please?"

You laugh, shaking your head. "You stuck a cone of ice cream on my head."

"I made you a unicorn." She retorts with that damn gummy smile on her face. Before you can catch yourself, your hands press against the rough bark of the tree behind her. The smile on her face falters and you feel a twinge of hesitation in your chest. But before you can take a step back, her hand finds its way to the back of your neck. Brushing the hair away and scratches the skin right below your hairline.

She'd done it since you were kids.

Your gaze falls onto her lips, pink, hints of the strawberry ice cream left on her. You wonder if that's what it would taste like if you'd kissed her, like you dreamed of since you were 15. Jennie gently, oh so gently, pulled you closer. "You know, you should really be careful what you confess when you think someone's asleep."

A dry chuckle falls from your lips, "I knew it," You pause, just looking at her in all her glory. No make-up, no stage lights, no big crowd screaming her name. But she still blew you away. Finally, you finish, "I meant it."

Her smile grows twice as wide and you lean forward, your lips ghosting hers before her phone goes off. You hear her curse under her breath before pulling it out of her pocket, leaving you rather awkward.

Jennie answers in the phone in Korean, her brows crease instantly. She's seemingly arguing with whoever's on the other end before her hand balls into a fist behind your neck. Practically fuming, she nods and hangs up. You'd pulled away a bit to give her room to speak, but she turns her attention back to you before she says, "It was my manager, apparently they'd booked me for something this Friday."

"But your going back on Friday?" You return.

The rapper nods but continues to say, "Yeah, but there's preparation, fittings, video shoots to promote that I'll be in attendance." She breathes a frustrated sigh, before her eyes loose their spark, "I'm flying back tonight..."

The rest of the afternoon was spent with Jennie, packing everything away into her suitcase. Making sure everything was packed. Her mom stopped by to bid her goodbye and that they would have dinner when she was in South Korea again.

"Now or never, N/n." Mama Kim whispered to you while she held you in her embrace. "If I hear from my daughter that you did nothing now, I will hunt you down."

You smile and nod. After that moment in the park, you knew it was about time. Your dad called a cab and you two waited on the curbside, a comfortable yet, as paradoxical as it was, uncomfortable silence. You knew what you wanted to say, you know you should explain, and she does too.

But the words just feel like they'd fall flat.

A car pulls up and Jennie takes her bag to the trunk, thanking the driver before turning back to you. "I'm sorry I had to leave, I know you moved everything around to be able to spend time with me."

"It's no worries...Just maybe don't wait a decade to come back?" You joke to which she slaps your arm gently. She smiles up at you. Your heart is hammering again. You want to say something, you should; but all you do is open your arms to her.

Jennie steps into your warm embrace and nuzzles herself into your neck. Leaving a light kiss as she did.

Your arms around her tighten as her taxi waits on the curb, honking impatiently. She should go, you know it but as the beat of your heart echoes loudly in your ears you need to do it. The urge fills you as you pull away. 

Everything slows, you pull the mask over her lips down slowly. The idea of her rejecting you terrifies you further, hands shaking, heart pounding, blood rushing through your body quickly and you feel warm in spite of the cold winter air flowing around both of you. 

Your foreheads press briefly together as your eyes maintain steady eye contact, as if she were giving you her final permission. With a grin on both your faces, you lean in and your lips press together for the first time. 

A long time waiting, but you can’t help the smile that breaks onto your face as time returns. It was short, but it was everything you'd ever wanted since you were just kids in your bedroom dreaming of the future.

Jennie pulls away with a gummy smile on her face, you mirror the smile on her face as you cup her cheeks lovingly. Your lips littering pecks across her face as she giggles as her hand finds yours.

"I can't believe I'm leaving now." Jennie says, a pout forming on her lips. You chuckle, thumb reaching back to stroke the back of her hand. "Neither can I."

You lean down, pecking her lips again, longer than the first time. "But if you think I'm waiting for the next time you're here for a kiss like that, you're dead wrong."

The rapper giggles again, before another honk pops the bubble around you both. Reluctantly, Jennie pulls away, her hand loosely locked with yours as she gives you a shy smile.

"I'll see you soon then?" She asks, hopeful.

You can't resist the teen-like giddiness running through your body, lifting her hand to your lips. Paying particular attention to her ring finger, your pulse hammering as you look up into her dark brown eyes. "It's a date."

Before she can cancel all her schedules for the coming week, she pulls your hand away and opens the door to the car. Turning back briefly to look at you standing with your hands in your pockets, a goofy smile on your face. "I'll call you before I board."

"And when you land?" You ask.

"And every night after." She replies before slipping into the car.

You smile at her through the car window, cheeks sore from all of it. Even though you know she can't hear you, you say, "I'll be waiting."

Jennie sinks into the seat with a dreamy sigh. The driver of the car looks into the rearview mirror, seeing the wispy look on Jennie's face and you folding out of what he assumes is delight. He smiles before saying, "Must be someone amazing to get you smiling that way, ma'am."

She's taken aback for a moment, but her shock melts into a warm smile, too giddy to push the question away.

"Yeah, but it has been a long time coming."

this was far longer than i had initially wanted BUT i quite like how it came out, the parents were a little janky and i feel like a lot of the parts are OOC but still, as a story i quite liked it HAHAHAH i was typing this on my bed so my back really, really hurts rn i hope you lovelies missed me a bit and i will try to continue to bring you guys the content you deserve. i love you all so much and i'll see you all vv soon!! - r

[imtrashraccoon]

I absolutely adored the way you wrote Papyrus in your last don't imagine that includes him. I know you wrote that one with a (I think) Moba game.

Can I have one in which has that Papyrus but where the game of choice is an MMORPG (Mabinogi [My MMORPG of choice], World of Warcraft)? And of course, Reader being one of the top players. Thank you if you do so!

Well, I didn't have a specific game in mind for the original Don't Imagine but I loosely based it on competitive shooters. My game of choice is usually a cozy or a survival type so I only have a surface level of knowledge for these types.

Don't imagine being one of the highest ranking players in a popular MMORPG. How you know the game inside and out. How you've mastered most, if not all, of the different characters even if you only ever play your favourite. How you play all the seasonal events the day they drop and make it a point to collect all the event items.

Don't imagine hopping online after a tiring work week and joining a raid with a couple other players. How you're playing like you always do when one of the other players catches your attention. How he seems rather underleveled for this zone and keeps dying a lot. How he seems very enthusiastic about trying out the new event despite this.

Don't imagine feeling a little bad for him when the other players start flaming his skills in the chat. How you keep an eye on the player and how you realize he actually has a better grasp on his character's abilities than most. How he's clearly trying his best and how he refuses to quit mid-match, despite the vicious mockery.

Don't imagine how your team manages to beat the raid by the skin of their teeth. How despite the rocky start, the new player held his own in the end. How you send him a friend request afterwards on a whim.

Don't imagine how he almost immediately accepts and how you start regularly playing together. How you decide to use a lower leveled character for a while to keep the enemy spawns more fair. How you admire his sense of strategy and enthusiasm towards even the small aspects of the game. How it never ceases to bring a smile to your face to log on only to be greeted by a pm about the latest drop he got.

Don't imagine how you eventually move to another platform so you can communicate outside of the game. How you learn that he's a monster and a skeleton at that. How his choice of characters makes so much sense now. How you realize he really is just a genuine person and not putting on a front all the time.

Don't imagine gaining a peek into his everyday life and how close he is with his friends. How he introduces you to his friend Alphys who also plays the same game you do. How the three of you regularly play together for months before Papyrus brings up the idea of meeting up in real life. How you're a bit hesitant at first since you did meet over the internet but ultimately agree.

Don't imagine getting off the airplane to find your two besties waiting in the terminal for you. How Alphys seems a bit shy at first but Papyrus is as friendly as ever. How you get to ride in the red convertible he's so proud of and see the city with them. How they introduce you to their friends and help you feel right at home.

Don't imagine Papyrus offering to put you up in the guest bedroom so you wouldn't have to get a hotel. How you get to sample his cooking for the first time and how he's even better than you expected. How he double-checks that you have everything you need before bed. Definitely don't imagine pulling him into a hug and thanking him for everything. How he seems stunned at first before melting into your embrace. How he expresses how glad he is to have met such an amazing person like you.

First, Previous, & Next Request

[multimystica]

Card of the Day

The image of the 3 cards is the same as the last post but the results are different, I guarantee.

Here we go, take a deep breath, exhale relaxing, think of your situation of choice to get info/advice on and pick a card.

Now we go for the long vertical line of dots so y'all can't see the results before actually choosing a card... Edited to remove the line and add keep reading button.

Card 1 - The Magician

Willpower and manifestation! This card pretty much means you can do whatever the fuck you want right now. If you have a goal, go for it, you have everything you need to succeed, just do it right now. Whatever goal you have in mind right now just picture Shia LaBeauf's JUST DO IT!!! Take a look at this card:

Believe it or not, you're ready. Take control of your life, all it takes is maintaining your willpower. The advice for today is to align your intentions with your actions right now. Stay focused on your goals, have a vision of what you want, have the intent and take action. This is the right time to apply your power. Amazing or even miraculous things may happen for you today, the stars are aligned for you. Willpower, stepping into your power, being ambitious and determined, and showcasing your talents are main themes for today. It may also be quite useful to take a look at what resources you currently have available to you in this moment and make use of them. Again, step into your power.

Card 2 - IV of Pentacles

Caution. Okay, well, this card brings many different meanings with it (some of which may oppose each other), and it may be hard to tell which one applies to you right now. Both are about caution, security and control. I'll do my best to explain both meanings in a way you can figure out which is meant to you, but it may still be a tough one. Take a look at the card beforehand:

If you've been controlling and holding tight what you currently have - This card may be a warning to loosen up a bit. While security and control may be great at bringing a sense of peace, it may also make you loose a lot of opportunities.

If you're in a relationship in which you're afraid of the person leaving - Beware, excess of control and holding too tightly onto this person might be what cause them to feel suffocated and drift apart, which would then be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Just chill a bit and know when to give them space, do not be controlling over their friend groups, outings, etc or you might just cause the thing you fear is going to happen.

If you been just letting everything go or taking every risk you can lately - This might actually be the time to stop and hold on to some things, work on financial security, or just stay where you are and do not take a risk for today.

If your home has been cluttered - Today is the best day to declutter your home and make giveaways or yard-sales!

IN ANY CASE - Financial security is relevant at this moment, this can also be true in terms of emotional security, whatever your case may be, build a solid foundation, think twice when taking any risks today, this may also apply to communication as well. Proper balance of holding on and letting go, be it in any area of life, is very important right now. Being cautious is also relevant (if you're always TOO cautious, be less cautious. If you're not being cautious lately, THIS IS THE TIME TO BE).

Card 3 - V of Cups

Loss. The usual meaning of this card is quite short and simple, you lost (or are be about to loose) something important to you today (no shit sherlock!). This card speaks of emotional suffering and of how much attention is paid to that loss. Take a look at the card:

The depiction of the card, in this case, speaks for itself. The loss is painful no matter what you lost (be it a thing or a person it was dear to you), and your attention is drawn to it. It is a tough time to look at the brighter side of things, I get how hard it can be, but the advice this card brings is to look around to what you still have. Find comfort and peace on that which you still have, value what's still there. It's okay to suffer that loss and process those feelings in your own time, but don't forget what you still have. Suffer at first, then pick yourself up and carry on valuing what you still have in a optimistic way. In case this was the death of a person: I'm sorry for your loss, it's okay to grief, and the advice here might be to look around for people you can rely on at this tough time, you don't have to go through this alone.

[sinfulsalutations]

𝕔𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕒 𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕗𝕝𝕪, 𝕝𝕖𝕥 𝕚𝕥 𝕘𝕠 ⋆*･ﾟ 𝕤𝕖𝕣𝕘𝕖𝕒𝕟𝕥 𝕙𝕦𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕣

ᴘᴛ ɪ ꜱᴛᴀʀᴇ. ᴘᴛ ɪɪ ꜱᴛᴀᴠᴇ. ᴘᴛ ɪɪɪ ꜱᴛᴜᴅʏ. ᴘᴛ ɪᴠ ꜱɪɴ. ᴘᴛ ᴠ ꜱᴇᴄʀᴇᴛ. ᴘᴛ ᴠɪ ꜱᴇɴᴅᴏꜰꜰ.

➼ ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ ☆ ꜱᴇʀɢᴇᴀɴᴛ ʜᴜɴᴛᴇʀ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

➼ ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ ☆ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰɪɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜʀꜱᴇʟꜰ ᴇɴᴛᴀɴɢʟᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴀ ꜰʟᴇᴇᴛɪɴɢ ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴇʀ ꜰʟɪɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄᴀᴍᴘ ᴄᴏᴜɴꜱᴇʟᴏʀ.

➼ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ☆ ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴇʀ ᴄᴀᴍᴘ ᴀᴜ, ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ꜱᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇ ꜱᴛᴀʀ ᴡᴀʀꜱ ʀᴇꜰᴇʀᴇɴᴄᴇꜱ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ꜱᴇɴꜱᴇ, ꜰʟᴜꜰꜰ, ꜱᴛᴇᴀᴍɪɴᴇꜱꜱ, ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴꜱʜɪᴘ ʙʟɪꜱꜱ, ꜱᴇᴄʀᴇᴛ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴꜱʜɪᴘ, ʟɪɢʜᴛ ᴀɴɢꜱᴛɪɴᴇꜱꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ʜɪɴᴛꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴀ ʙɪᴛᴛᴇʀꜱᴡᴇᴇᴛ ᴇɴᴅɪɴɢ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ, ɪᴍᴘʟɪᴇᴅ ꜱᴍᴜᴛ, ꜱᴋɪɴɴʏ ᴅɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ (ɴᴏᴛᴇ: ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴛᴀɢꜱ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴜᴘᴅᴀᴛᴇ/ʙᴇ ᴀᴅᴊᴜꜱᴛᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴇᴀᴄʜ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ)

➼ ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ ☆ 3ᴋ

➼ ᴘᴏᴠ ☆ ꜱᴇᴄᴏɴᴅ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴ

⋆ ★ ɢᴜᴇꜱꜱ ᴡʜᴏ'ꜱ ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ ᴀʟɪᴠᴇ. ʟᴍꜰᴀᴏ ʟᴇᴛ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛᴀʟᴋ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ɪᴛ. ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ :)

⋆ ★ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴏɴ ᴀᴏ3 ⋆*･ﾟ ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ ꜰᴏʀᴍ

After that night, the summer quickly becomes a glimmering haze of sexy, sweet escapades in slimmers of ample time alone.

Hunter becomes your best-kept secret. You act the same around others, amicable friends who get along well in the same room or during the same activity. But the moment you get a time without a horde of campers following your trail, you’re finding a secluded spot and placing your hands all over each other. It’s practically habitual by now.

They’re the best summer memories.

Hunter’s no longer a daunting figure of appeal far of your reach. He’s someone you have in your arms, and who’s just as enraptured with you as you are him.

You learn this fact one particular day as you instruct the campers how to properly scale the rock wall.

“Your harness is there to guide you, not to rely on,” You emphasize, looking down with a hard stare to get your point across. The campers look down with slack jaws and lazy eyes, legs itching to run and grab a harness and get to climbing already. You won't just let them, and continue your lesson.

“It doesn’t help you or your partner if you put your whole weight onto it.” Echo, who holds your belay below you, nods in agreement. “You have to communicate with your partner as well. Whether you need slack or for them to tighten your rope, you need to express what you need them to do. Nothing will get done otherwise.”

The campers nod adamantly, though you’re sure the second they get their hands on the harnesses and begin scaling, all your instructions will leave their minds.

Once you've climbed down and gotten out of your gear, Hunter’s holding onto your wrist loosely and muttering into your ear, voice soft and discreet.

“Y’think they can go on without you?”

His hand tugs your wrist closer to him as if beckoning you to come closer and follow him wherever he may lead. You glance his way excitedly, a bright-eyed, curious grin over your lips.

“Probably," you mutter.

Hunter’s smile matches yours.

“Backroom by the kitchens in ten.”

All you need to do is nod and wait to ensure Echo’s got it handled before you run off to the kitchens and into his arms, kissing him silly.

Hunter’s hands are on your waist, holding them to his in a lock you wouldn’t dare try to separate while he pushes you against a storage shelf. His fingers dip into your waistband; they don’t venture much further, only pinch at the waistband of your pants to keep you extra still and pliant in his hands. You don’t mind. 

You can’t mind when he’s kissing you like this.

It doesn’t take long for his bandana to slip off when your fingers run through his hair. Your hands map little paths to the roots of his locks to tug on when he kisses you just right, to encourage him to keep going, move there, stay just like that. Hunter’s a better listener than most; he’d happily do anything you ask of him.

The touches get more frantic the longer you kiss; his hands frantically move around as if he can’t decide where his hands deserve to be.

Then, the realization hits you; the desperation finally makes clear sense in your head as he nips at your bottom lip.

He wants this more than you do. He wanted you badly, mirroring how you might at any point.

“Really- hah -eager today, yeah?” You tease between light pecks, sighing as you tilt your jaw and Hunter leans down to kiss your neck. You tug on his hair. He groans.

“Kriff– yeah, I am,” His voice sounds so rough and keen you border on swelling with pride for making him this way. “You should’ve seen yourself on that wall.”

You raise an eyebrow, an incredulous smirk twisting on your lips before he kisses it away again.

“Yeah?” You mutter, still managing to smile a little as he litters kisses on your jaw, pressing up against you harder. “How’d I look?”

Hunter’s mouth leaves your body just long enough to tell you exactly what you want to hear.

“So damn pretty,” he swears, trailing his mouth to your ear. His knee gently parts your legs and encourages you to relax against his body, to let him hold you against the shelf; who are you to reject such an offer? “The way you worked so quick, how you gazed down, your ass in those jeans and thighs around that harness– fuck.”

Hunter kisses you nice and hard again, and you try your best to not feel so smug.

It’s rather nice knowing you have such an effect on him.

Moments like these happen often. Between or even during activities, after lights out when Tech has finished his nightly inspections. You end up on the docks again, legs careening back and forth over wading water while you intertwine his hands with his.

“That star up there,” Hunter points, turning your attention to the twinkling sky. “Right there, above that odd-looking tree. `You see it?”

“I do,” you confirm, tilting your head. “What about it?”

The stars in the dark sky hugging you from above glitters and twinkles, brighter than in any city or town. It’s always been the prettiest sight you’re lucky to lay your eyes upon every summer, and nothing had yet beat it. Until Hunter, at least.

“Well,” he begins, squeezing your hand that’s holding his. His finger trails a path from that star to the next on its left, then another, and another. “That’s a constellation. What do you think it makes up?”

You squint your eyes, unsure of what they could make. There’s little to tell from just a few stars scattered.

“A… line?” You answer dumbly. Hunter snorts and nudges your shoulder gently.

“`Thinking too simple.”

“I’m not good at this kind of stuff!” You retort, a little louder than you should. But you quickly correct yourself with a coy smile, your next words hushed. “It just looks like a bunch of lights to me.” You shrug dejectively.

“Don’t worry,” his reassurance only alleviates you slightly, and he tilts your jaw back to the stars with a keen gaze. “Just try one more time. For me?”

Your answer comes automatically.

“Of course.”

So you do try. Follow the patterns and see what sort of shape it could make, and, perhaps, what he might be trying to hint at.

When it does dawn upon you what constellation you’re looking at, you turn to face him incredulously. He’s already got that mischievous tilt in his eyebrows you know is trouble. Or deception. You’re still not great at pinpointing what he’s feeling or thinking.

“Is it a heart?” You ask, biting your lip.

“Bingo,” Hunter answers. A strand of hair falls from behind your ear to frame your face; this time, you let him tuck it back, as he’d urged you to do before. He gestures to the sky, and you look back.

“See?” He points. “Does it make sense now?” You nod. His index finger traces a short line from the star at the bottom of the heart shape to the one in the middle. “That’s the pole.”

“The… pole?” You repeat bemusedly, eyes still glued to the sky. Hunter chuckles.

“It’s kind of like… a marker. So we know which way to turn.” He pauses; in the flicker of a firefly wading by the shores of the lake, his light-hearted tone turns soft and he squeezes your hand again. “It’s the same with us.”

It’s your turn to squeeze. You gaze back in his direction.

“So,” he starts, eyes locking with yours. “You’re the one I turn to, right? No matter what the situation is.” By now he’s grinning like a fool, eyes alit with something gentle. “You’re the one.”

You smile back, confirming with a sealing, firm kiss.

“I am. And so are you.”

When you see the look on his face, an almost melancholy wave rushes through; the words that hang on the tip of your tongue mean something to you, something you wish were true, but ultimately can’t be. 

The daunting question in your head still remains.

How much time do we have left?

You say it anyway.

“Always.”

Hunter repeats it, that same coloring in his eyes, as if he’s asking himself the exact same question.

”Always.”

You hum and lean in, eager to mold his lips to yours again and let the hurtling feeling dissolve, and he doesn’t back down; he presses into you harder, quicker, hands grasping your waist to pull you to his chest. You want him to keep going until your heart starts to skip beats on the staff until you feel all the ways you’re ready to fall for him. 

He does exactly that.

“The water’s nice today,” Hunter pulls away from you abruptly, a boyish grin over his features. You smirk, raising an eyebrow as you watch him push his body up and reach his full height, body looming above you; somehow, it’s nowhere close to being threatening.

“Yeah?” You tilt your head as you gaze up. Hunter chuckles.

“I checked,” He confirms, gesturing toward the quiet ripples of the water. “Thought maybe you’d want to take a little dip. With me.” 

When his hand reaches out to yours, the rough callouses of his skin look so inviting and delectable when offered exclusively to you, that it’d be impossible to deny it.

So you take it and lift yourself, pecking his lips one more time before skipping off the dock and to the shore.

Hunter’s already shucked his shirt onto the ground just by the time you get your shoes and socks off, bare feet meeting the soft sand. You’ve seen him shirtless enough times at this point (in almost entirely amorous situations), yet the view always hitches your breath and makes you tug your bottom lip between two teeth.

And without fail every time, Hunter notices and smiles in that boyish manner you’re incredibly weak for.

“Are you just gonna stare?” he asks with a chuckle. You can feel it reverberate through your own body.

“I thought that staring is allowed,” you retort, raising your eyebrows. “Unless you want me to stop.”

“If you stop, we’ll never get to the good part,” Hunter smirks, kicking off his shorts and dipping his feet into the shallows, turning back to you. “Aren’t you going to join?”

It’s that same damn sight again. The one you tried so hard to block out of your mind that one night but never seemed to leave. Hunter wading in the water, in the dark, stripped completely. 

Who are you to look away?

With little hesitation, you shuck your bottoms off. Your panties come down with it. Hunter’s eyes pop out of their sockets for a split second, then he turns back into that casually composed charmer you know him to be.

You take off your shirt next, shifting your weight between your heels as you reach back to unclip your bra, and you let it fall beside the rest of your clothes, the sneakiest grin wrapped on your lips as you leave Hunter gawking in his boxers.

With a giggle, you join him in the water, caressing his cheek before wading further into the lake shore until your waist down is submerged in the lukewarm water.

“Are you just going to leave me in here?” You tease, curling a finger up to beckon him closer. Hunter’s frozen state finally breaks, and he laughs softly, shaking his head almost in disbelief. It doesn’t take much for him to strip down to nothing as well, leaving him in a half-hard state as he sinks into the water with you.

His hands don’t take long to find their place on your hips, thumbs gently tracing a pattern into the skin over your ribs.

“You’re bold today,” he comments. You scoff.

“Is that so?”

“Yeah,” He flashes you a knowing look, expecting you to agree without putting up even a little defense. “You’re always a little bashful about things like this.”

Slapping his chest lightly, he laughs again and you wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him close. 

“Well, let this prove otherwise,” you say. It’s the softest kiss you plant on his lips, simple yet sweet, and he pulls away smiling like a fool. “I’m not always bashful.”

Hunter nods. 

“You’re not.” He leans down to kiss you again.

“Thanks for agreeing,” you mumble into his mouth after you withdraw for a moment to breathe.

“Anytime, Maple.”

You step back further, inviting both of you to go deeper into the water. His lips find your neck, and he bites softly, paying no mind to the goose bumps that form on your skin the instant he gets his mouth on you. Hunter’s always been more than you bargained for.

“I never want you to stop,” you admit, shivering as a cold gust of wind hits the bare skin still not submerged in the water. Hunter pulls away.

“Are you sure?” He asks, eyebrows furrowing. 

There’s a pang of frustration growing in your chest with his hesitance, but you quickly let it fizzle away when you giggle and splash a little water in his direction to lighten the mood.

“When have I not been sure, Hunter?” You tease, and he lets out a heavy exhale and smiles for you.

“One day you might not be,” he comments, dipping down to kiss you again. You hum against his lips then mutter with fluttering eyes.

“Today’s not that day.”

You press your body into him and bite your lip as you feel his cock twitch and harden fully against your stomach.

Hunter nods in agreement, holding your waist firmly before leaning down and sinking both of you into the water.

-

Keeping your little fling a secret easily becomes the most painful part of the entire summer.

It’s been a firm rule since you started as a camp counselor and has stayed the same even as Hunter arrived; dating another counselor is strictly against the rules. The rule had been easy to follow before, before you’d been swept and flown to cloud nine and right into Hunter’s open arms, now impossible for you to adhere to.

How could you? How could he?

But you try your best. Keep him at a safe and appropriate distance in front of others. Leaving marks in discreet spots. Smiling politely.

You only allow one indicator that something else may have blossomed. It remains wrapped around your wrist, with its matching counterpart on Hunter’s.

“What are your favorite colors?” His voice interrupts you one day as you do crafts in the mess hall. You startle, twisting your body back and raising an eyebrow.

“What?” You have to make sure you heard him correctly.

“What are your favorite colors?” He repeats, grinning.

You tilt your head, a suspicious grin on your lips.

“Why do you want to know?” You hum, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

Hunter purses his lips, eyes flitting away before returning to your face with the cheekiest wink (you think no one else is looking. You hope).

“It’s a secret.” 

That makes you snort. With a light flutter of your lashes, you tell him and watch him spin off back to the table he and the Cedar cabin are sitting at, and you turn as well, staring at the bracelet adorning the same color his bandana.

And that same night, each of you has the same thought in mind.

“I have something for you,” you tell him, a gentle smile filled with affection on your face. Hunter raises his eyebrows, bemused as he bites his lip. You play with the bracelet behind your back, shoulders leaning onto the rock structure behind you.

“You do?” He asks. You nod. “What are the chances? I have something for you as well.”

You giggle softly, bringing your hand out from behind your back and showing him the silver and maroon, square-knot bracelet. He smiles.

“I like the color,” he tells you before reaching for the bracelet. You lift your hand away, tutting with a click of your tongue.

“You can only get it if you promise me something,” you challenge. Hunter hums in curiosity.

“What might that be?”

“That you keep it. Even after the summer ends. That you wear it,” your expression softens, a gentle switch to something more sentimental, almost melancholic upon thinking about what you’re vaguely implying; the inevitable outcome of this little fling.

Hunter’s tongue darts out to lick his lips slowly, as if contemplating your words; not as if he’s thinking about the request, but more thinking about what you implied. He then looks up again, eyes thoughtful as he nods.

“I will. I promise.”

Your lashes flutter and your cheeks burn when you smile again and put the bracelet around his wrist with the rest of them.

"Could I ask the same thing for you?" He then asks when you tighten it to the size of his wrist. You tilt your head, then watch him pull out the bracelet he made for you with a shy look. You'd already had your suspicions as to why he asked you for your favorite colors, but this confirms your prediction as you see the chevron knot bracelet.

“That you keep it, and wear it. Not all the time, but just enough... so you don't forget.”

He lets the final words hang for you to decide where he might go. Forget him, forget this summer, forget how he feels pressed up against you, perhaps something else entirely, or a combination, or all at once. He doesn't have to say it explicitly. Both of you are on the same page.

You instantly respond,

“Of course,”

Before lifting your wrist for him to put the bracelet around. He does it delicately, as if you’re the finest piece of art ever created, and rubs his pinkie over your skin thoughtfully. Your eyes bore into his.

“I promise I’ll keep it. Remember it. Remember you.”

Hunter smiles and kisses your wrist where the bracelet wraps around it, lowering himself until his knees hit the ground and proceeding to take your breath away.

ragu list lovers: @starstofillmydream @pb-jellybeans @corrieguards @badbatchbabe @ladytano420 @jediknightjana @sleepycreativewriter @shinyshayminflower @thebahdbitch @secondaryrealm @nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius @kimiheartblade @followthepurrgil @wolffegirlsunite @starrylothcat @sev-on-kamino @aconstructofamind @xflashcat @dreamie411 @padawancat97 @littlemissmanga @starqueensthings @anxiouspineapple99 @freesia-writes @wings-and-beskar @clio3kantarella @secretthegriffin @idontgetanysleep @523rdrebel @dystopicjumpsuit @mandos-mind-trick @sunshinesdaydream @clonemedickix @andrakass2 @jesjestraverse @crosshairlovebot @wizardofrozz @dangraccoon @lickylickylicky @captainfresh501 @urmomsmattress @jedi-hawkins @who-would-want-a-broken-heart @cw80831 @bluebird-dreams @ladyzirkonia @multi-fan-dom-madness @moonlightwarriorqueen @eyeluvmusic21 @mythical-illustrator @imarvelatthestars @a-single-tulip

[teawan]

Nimona and its portrayal of the queer experience: a stream of consciousness "essay"

This is not a reach by any means, and I know countless people have picked up on this and/or discussed it at length many times, but Nimona is undeniably a story of queerness and queer people in a hetero- and cis-normative world. Through the use of the “monster” concept, the movie effectively demonstrates the way that the LGBTQ+ community is ostracized and villainized.

Throughout the movie, Nimona’s experiences as a shapeshifter, Ballister’s reactions and assumptions toward her, and other citizens’ perception of her parallel how queer people are treated in the real world. When Ballister first meets Nimona, she chooses not to reveal her ability to shift to him until it is absolutely necessary—quite literally a situation of life or death. Even then, she is reluctant to do so, because she has learned that this ability of hers, although not inherently dangerous or evil, is viewed as such and enforced by the only society that is explicitly stated to exist in the movie’s universe. The reveal of her abilities can be equated to a queer individual’s coming out, and it lines up nicely in the sense that often, people are afraid to come out, even to close friends and family members they have known since birth because of the political and societal stigma around the LGBTQ+ community that’s almost universal. They also often feel pressured to do so.

Ballister’s reaction to the aforementioned reveal also serves as a parallel between the two experiences. After she demonstrates shifting, Ballister asks Nimona “what” she is, repeatedly requests that she appear “normal” while talking to him, and uses terminology that Nimona clearly finds derogatory and hurtful. Part of this is the way he was raised—people who live in the Nimona universe are implied to live in a society where knowledge of those who can shapeshift—widely referred to as monsters—is commonplace. Not only is the knowledge of their existence commonplace, however—it is also widely accepted that those with shapeshifting abilities are evil and intrinsically against the concepts of peace and stable civilization. There is no real evidence for this idea besides a loosely framed “historical event” that has been passed down for one thousand years (as referenced at the beginning of the movie) and has likely been warped and distorted to fit certain people’s biases along the way. The same goes for queer people. The existence of the LGBTQ+ community is widespread knowledge; however, many people associate the community with concepts of perversion or sacrilege and don’t know much about the individuals who it’s made up of past these prejudices. Children are taught to refer to gay and transgender people by slurs, just like Ballister was taught to refer to Nimona as a monster. 

Nimona is treated callously by Ballister, especially at first, as if her differences make her less than worthy of respect and decency, and she owes anyone around her an explanation because of those differences. This parallels the way that queer people often feel pressured to come out and that they owe those around them explanations of their identities—think strangers overtly asking transgender people about their genitals on the internet, or even in person, or gay/bisexual/queer-oriented people being questioned extensively in order to “prove” their queerness.

Now, in terms of Nimona’s character and how she herself is a reference to queerness: as a genderfluid person, I identify heavily with this character. For one, the obvious—I feel that my gender identity is fluid, and, if it were possible, would choose to be able to shift between physically male/female/androgynous to match how I feel. Nimona also describes her need to shift between forms. At one point, she explains that not shifting is like holding in a sneeze—resisting a natural biological process. Yes, she can stay in one form, but that is uncomfortable and undesirable for her. She even tells Ballister that staying in the form he at first coins her “normal” one (the human presenting form) would be like dying, or rather, not really living. This really resonated with me and how I experience my gender identity—in spaces where I cannot express myself as the gender I feel makes me feel like I’m living half a life. It’s living with the saturation turned down to the lowest setting.

Another phrase that stuck with me after watching was when Nimona offered Ballister the deal of being his sidekick “forever” if she were to help him clear his name. At first, she offers her hand in her human form but then shifts to the body of a shark. Ballister asks her, exasperatedly, if she can just “be herself—a girl.” Nimona replies, “But I’m not a girl. I’m a shark.” This phrase is important because it communicates that transgender people are not masquerading as something other than themselves—they are being themselves. It is other people who cannot accept the fact that the way they have always seen a person is not necessarily who they really are. In my case, I often worry that people will not see me as myself when I identify as masculine—they might see it as an outfit I put on, or a role I act in. But it is truly me. My masculine identity is just as much of myself as I am when I’m femme presenting, just as shark-Nimona is just as much Nimona as human-Nimona.

This is definitely not all of the examples in the movie, not even all the ones that jumped out at me, but I think this is enough to communicate my thoughts. It was a fantastic movie. WATCH NIMONA.

[pallastrology]

february notes

artwork by walter t. crane

february starts out as another quite earthy month, with one big difference: pluto has moved into aquarius, bringing us into a new astrological age. we might be feeling a little wobbly, ungrounded or disconnected maybe. this feeling will pass and we will find our feet again, but it doesn't hurt to take a moment to breathe. when mercury forms a conjunction to pluto around the 6th, research is our friend. whether that's 'actual' academic research or gathering data for work, or on a deeper, more personal level, analysing our own thoughts and feelings. the moon will form a conjunction to pluto too, around the 8th. we might be craving emotional control and intimacy right now. again, it's a good time to reflect; our gut instinct is usually right, but now isn't the time to trust blindly. take a moment to examine what's going on to make you feel the way you do.

when the moon forms a conjunction to neptune in ephemeral pisces on the 12th, we might feel sensitive, or like there's something we can't quite reach. it's okay to take a moment to recover from the stress, to reflect on your findings over the last couple of weeks. mars enters the 'anaretic' degree of capricorn today too, so it might be worth taking a look back over the last few weeks and reflecting on what has happened for you during mars' journey through capricorn, as the anaretic degree often represents the end of a cycle. mars will soon after enter aquarius and form a conjunction to pluto, leaving tension running high for a moment. it's a time of sharp senses and mental fortitude, but conflict can run deep during this transit, so here's a gentle reminder to stay calm and focus on your goals and wellbeing. on the 16th, venus moves into aquarius, joining mars and pluto in a triple conjunction. this is a powerful aspect, bringing the potential for great ideas, beautiful conversations and meaningful connections with loved ones.

on the 20th, the sun ingresses into pisces, bringing us a step closer to spring. it's time to focus on 'tying up' any loose ends, as we move towards the start of the new astrological year. pisces season is a great time to embrace your kindness and sensitivity, engage with community and creative projects, and find time to rest and recuperate. the full moon in virgo hits us on the 24th, with mercury ingressing into pisces to join the sun. this full moon is calling us to find some balance in our days. are you feeling burnt out? finding it hard to manage your commitments? now is the time to take a moment to recharge and recollect yourself and your priorities, internal and external, before heading back out there. the daily grind doesn't always have to be a grind.

the month ends with a triple conjunction of the sun, mercury and saturn in pisces dominating, and the moon in delicate libra. while you might find things a struggle right now - whether due to stress, unhelpful thought patterns, or unresolved emotional wounds - but there are small moments of beauty in the world, and it is possible to hold onto those tiny, not-so-tiny, beautiful things, even alongside the hurt. nothing stays the same forever, and spring is on its way now. be kind to yourself, and have patience for better days.

[hergan416]

Writer's wrap: 30

AO3 Writer's Wrap (still accepting)

This is honestly a great one for now because it's not even Christmas, I guarantee I'll write more before the year is out.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

Honestly-- how much I wrote. And I mean this as more than just "oh I hit a surprising number of words" it's like... HOW I wrote so much.

I don't think I particularly grew as a writer this year. In previous years I have participated in challenges and honed my craft and really worked hard to make quality writing. Writing... kind of hurt like that. There was a lot of stress to it. I had been asked by friends or acquaintances on more than one occasion why I wrote as a hobby if it stressed me out so much.

And this year... well I won't say I never stressed myself out. The initial update schedule for Poison Paradise was insane. I don't know how I got inspiration to write a chapter a day for that many days. I am glad that scaled back a little.

But at the same time... even without looking, I guarantee you that I've surpassed 2020's word count while holding a full time job. And with hardly ever writing for an official challenge (Albert's birthday was my choice. There were a couple of very fun tumblr prompts & an angst week thing...but like. I have ALWAYS wanted to write hanahaki disease for someone & finally had a chance. And the Allou Trimester & Louiliam2023Winter at the end of the year here are extremely loose challenges with very few restrictions for pairings I would have written anyway.. and when the Louiliam fic ended up having a sherliam element & broke the rules I just.. didn't add it to the event and wrote what I wanted anyway).

Anyway, it was different from the way I treated challenges in previous years-- I wasn't stressed about it. I was having fun. Which is.. ultimately, what a hobby is supposed to be, right?

My word count has to be directly tied to the amazing, positive people I have met in the last 10 months -- who let me be my authentic self and still come back for more. I have never been more unhinged, written more dead dove, let loose like this. I've never been more freakish; and at the same time I have been gifted with the most incredible outpouring of kind words, comments, support, tumblr interactions, and readership. I cannot possibly thank this community enough for letting me thrive like this.

I feel free. I know what I want from writing and it's not perfection anymore. It is to float around on the internet and find my people, bouncing ideas around. It's like I've found my niche as a person.

And the hyperfixation might not always be yuumori. I just binged the rest of One Piece and caught back up and OH DO I HAVE IDEAS, and a friend is starting to drag me into Hetalia somehow, because "I would do good there" or something, although I'm not sure yet if I'll want to write for it. Wherever my interests go though, I feel like I can absolutely carry this energy with me into the future, even in different fandoms where it's harder to "make it." Because I have this sense of "self" and "belonging" and "worth" and "pride" that I had lost for a very long time.

Even if I write less in 2024, if I can keep this confidence moving forward, I will be happy.

[hazbean-hotel-imagines]

Okay okay, its been a while since I requested a matchup so sorry if i forget something! I dont mind both helluva and hazbin, i like both <3

Online I go by Dead or just D, I am not comfortable with my irl name and am still trying to figure it out

My pronouns are they/she, I'm still trying to find the right label for what I'm into though. I like everybody to sum it up tho!

I'm an INFP-t

I really like cats (I've got six), the colors blue and black, skeletons, cards/dice (i have some cool jewelry with card symbols n stuff) drawing, reading/writing and watching cartoons.

I've got diagnosed with ADD/ADHD though I'm more tired than hyper, but if you get me talking about something im interested in I could talk your ear off

I try really hard to be consious of how other people feel so I tend to back up if I can tell someone isn't enjoying the conversation/what we're doing. I also really try hard to include others in what I'm currently blabbing about by asking them questions 'cause I know what it's like to not have a say in a convo.

In terms of my appearence, I'm afab, and I'm sadly well endowed, it causes me some back issues. But on the bright side they make good pillows for friends!!

I've got short blonde hair that i dye black and i tend to wear loose clothes that are a few sizes too big. I usually tend to wear all black non gendered clothes (I'm goth) and if i feel like getting dolled up I'll wear a dress and accessories!

I need glasses cause my long distance sight is shit 💀💀💀

In terms of humor? I like making dirty jokes or dark jokes. Like, my fave dark joke is "my grandfather told me i was too reliant on technology. So i called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support"

But yeah!! Thanks for taking the time to read this <3

Matchup

I pair you with…

~ Hi Dead! Omg so I had these done two days ago, then I looked up what a charcuterie board was out of curiosity… bro it was completely finished, I didn’t save it as a draft, and lost my progress because I. Wanted to look. At pictures of charcuterie boards. Anyway I like charcuterie boards 🤭

~ Okay! So Blitzo was first that came to mind when I read about you. Firstly, y’all give off the extrovert adopts introvert trope. Except, it’s more like vague kidnapping than adopting. One meeting and you’re friends for life, no exceptions.

~ Blitzo’s favourite quality in a partner is someone who enjoys his sense of humour. This is a little bit because of his past in the circus. He not only loved that you understand and laugh at his jokes, but when you add on to them!

~He’s awful at communicating. The way you listen and genuinely show an effort in gaging his mood and engagement really means a lot to him, he notices. Blitzo works really well with someone who is patient and good at communication, because he’s lacking in that department, and you help him learn.

I pair you with…

~ This is another extrovert adopts introvert, but much less extreme. Asmodeus is interested in you, and he finds excuses and ways to see you again. If he notices the same interest is reciprocated, he’ll slowly integrate himself into your life and become a constant.

~ Loves listening to people talk. Will let you talk his ear off about your interests, and will never lose focus. Is completely invested from start to finish. Will literally sit there smiling with his heads in his hands kicking his feet.

~ Additionally, he digs that you’re so attentive in conversations. Asmodeus has a tendency to let himself become a listener when he’s in romantic relationships, mostly because he just genuinely enjoys listening to his partners speak and is such an invested listener. It’s a welcome change of pace that you’re constantly ensuring it’s a back and forth conversation, and how conscious you are of his feelings and attention. He reciprocates these efforts tenfold.

~ Super domestic. Will watch cartoons with you in a blanket pile on the couch for hours. Favourite thing is to make unique charcuterie boards and start a show together. This prompted me to go and look at pictures of fucking cheese last time.

~ Can be content with just admiring you while you draw.

~ Loves your sense of humour. Especially loves when he says something dirty to flirt, and you clap back with something super dark. It always catches him off guard, and it takes a lot to leave him speechless. He adores it.

I pair you with…

~ Loves your aesthetic.

~ “Omg I have a goth partner” type beat.

~ Unsure the trope of you guys meeting, but I had ideas for your relationship dynamic. Cherri uses you to recharge her social battery. After a long day, all she wants to do is come home to you and just rest. She’ll definitely text often throughout the day, but when she comes home she always beelines to the couch to make a next of pillows and blankets so you can watch cartoons together.

~ The ultimate cat sitter. Immediately once she hears you have cats she’s at your place. Is she with you for you or the cats? No one knows. It’s you. Don’t be surprised if you come home one day, and she’s just… there, with your cats.

~ If she finds cool jewelry that reminds her of you she’ll send you a selfie holding it next to her head, with a “?” text following to see if you want it. Sometimes it’ll be from cool little shops, but sometimes you can see the wreckage of a turf war in the background and you know she’s just looting people.

~ You both have the same sense of humour, it’s like you guys mesh so well. I imagine conversations between you go so well, you’re super excitable and somehow always find something to talk about. Every day is exciting.

Alternate pairing…

Charlie

[nimata-beroya]

MY THOUGHTS ON THE MANDALORIAN - Chapter 23: "The Spies"

Right now, I have the mighty need to pay Jon Favreau a visit. One which would be not beneficial for his overall health. I heard vague rumors that this episode was going to be a rough one to watch, but I avoided catching any details. I don't know if knowing what was going to happen would've made it easier to bear, but dang! It hit me hard.

Loosing yet another of my beloved characters in a short time has me reeling. How dare you, Favreau? HOW.DARE.YOU?! It started very funny, but that ending destroyed me.

This is going to be a long one (testament to how great the episode was). So read at your risk.

Hmm, this imperial chick again. What are you up to now? who are you meeting with? I don't think Gideon is bold enough to be on Coruscant, but… Oh, a probe droid! ok, through a holo, yeah that makes sense. And there he is! Ugh! Poodoo is going to hit the fan now.

Woah! where are you hiding, Gideon? This is cool and terrifying.

A meeting! Do I know anyone there?

Oof! Imperial using the same tactic that the rebellion used at the beginning of appearing nothing more than an unorganized group of remnants is like YIKES! 😬😬 Dare I say whose idea that was? Perhaps from a blue grand admiral well-known for studying his enemy and using their tactics against them?

HUX?! PALLAEON?!! OMG OMG OMG!!

LOL Shadow Council? Couldn't you find something more original. Just sayin'

Of course, Gideon is trying to take power from Thrawn while he's not around. Gideon, let me tell you right now that you'll lose, my friend, and you won't know what hit you once Thrawn put you in your place. You think you're a step ahead of everyone, but he's 10 steps ahead of you!

Ok, here we go! will Mandos behave?

Nicely done, Armorer. Big mama reminding younglings to be in their best behavior 😆

From Coruscant? How did you get that Karga, hmm? (Side note: this seemed sus to me since the first time I was watching the episode, but even more after I was done)

IG-11!!!

Oh, poor Grogu 🙁 he got scared as soon as saw the droid. Not that I blame him because of how things went last time.

IG-12? lol A mecha, nice solution.

Now, Grogu is happy!

🤣🤣🤣 bad baby! no squeezie! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Greef Karga is grandpa ™ spoiling Grogu rotten and Din can already see that this will bring more chaos to his life. He can feel it! 😂

OMG!!! Grogu can communicate now. His first word!! Sorta… and it's so appropriate that it's "No". Grogu officially entered the terrible twos! Din is doomed now 🤣🤣🤣 This is so hilarious!!

🤣🤣 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Din makes the example, of course! and he volunteers Grogu too?! Are you insane? Actively taking your son into dangerous situations is not good parenting, Din. JFYTK! But I love that Grogu stands immediately.

Koska and Axe, too. I guess that was obvious. YES!! Good for you, Paz! (Side note: After watching the episode, I no longer think it was a good decision, Paz. You should've stayed 😭😭)

Ooh! The armorer is going too? With the vague rumors I heard that this episode will end not in the happiest terms, I have the feeling she might die 😩 I don't want that! (SN: yeah, my spidey senses weren't that off, after all. Somebody died 😭😭😭)

Ooh! the heartbreak of everyone watching Mandalore's surface from the Gauntlet 😖

What's that? Oh! More Mandalorians? On the planet? Why do I think this is sus? I mean, they could be working with Gideon to lead them to a trap (UGH! sometimes I hate being right! or maybe not, but it's really sus that these guys appeared and let the party just to where Gideon's base is? like 👀)

OH!!! Bo-Katan is telling what happened finally!!! (I've admitted before that I was never her biggest fan, but I feel for her. Obviously, Gideon didn't give her much of a choice and took advantage of that. And she has changed a lot since then and even before that. Her wise words come from painful experiences)

I like that Bo is admitting her mistakes out loud. Not spelled them out entirely, but enough for me to be appeased. One of my criticisms about her arc is the vague mention of her past mistakes. I don't mean it as to forever punish her for them, but to show how far she's come all these years. Because casual fans who haven't watched TCW or Rebels don't know she was Death Watch. And to me, that's an important thing.

And I ADORED Din's speech!!! And it's the confirmation of what I thought Bo's arc was about. It's about showing others and herself that what has value in a leader is not the blood or ancestry, nor possessing a magic weapon, but who you are as a person. Like Din says: honor, loyalty, character. And his vow brought tears to my eyes 🥹

So the Armorer is not going? 🤔 So maybe she doesn't die, but if she doesn't, who will? 😣

and these guys know exactly what they're going 🤨 Yeah, definitely sus. Something is going to happen and I'll hate it!

🤣 Paz and Axe playing together? Danger! Danger stranger! This is going to end badly… see what I mean! I'm not even surprised that Paz is the one issuing the challenge. And of course, Axe won't back down.

it should be embarrassing for both Paz and Axe that a child has to intervene and stop them. But I'm wheezing! it's so funny.

What do you mean, Din?! You've taught him that too!! from the top of my head, I can remember not less than 6 times that you've tried (at least) to deescalate, if not stop altogether, a fight. I mean, you just were going to do exactly that!!!

Oh my gaaaaawwwddddd! Din and Grogu nodding to each other!!! OMG that's so cuuuuuuute!!! 🥺🥺🥰🥰

Ok, I'm getting nervous, because I know something big is going to happen and I don't know what!

Wait! What the hell is that?!! Is that the Mythosaur?! (On the second viewing, I paused it to check carefully, and no, it's not the mythosaur. I don't see the tusks, so it has to be another nameless monster)

awww uncle Paz and Axe saving Grogu together 🥰

🥰🥰 Din "the galaxy's best dad" Djarin checking on his kid (But my dear, this is exactly why you shouldn't have brought him!)

Oh, dank ferrik! Imperial commandos?! Ugh! Stormtroopers, lots of them 😖

oh fuck! no no no no!!! That looks too imperial!!! There's a post there!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I knew it!!! It's a trap!

Nooooo!!! stop it!!! Turn around!!!! TURN AROUND!!!!

I TOLD YOU!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

DIN!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

I KNEW IT!!!!! I've been saying since episode 2 that dark troopers were made of beskar alloy!! Somebody listened to me? probably not many.

Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck!!! No, DIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!

yeah, that would've been nice, Bo. Problems for many people would've gone poof if Gideon were dead!

yeah, like that trick would work twice! Pfft! Please Gideon, come up with something better

omg omg omg!!!! nooooooo Paz!!!!! NOOOO!!!!!! NO that's NOT the way!!! noooooooo!!!😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Afterthoughts

I'm devastated because Paz is my second favorite mandalorian after Din, and I can believe that I've lost 2 characters very dear to me in as many weeks! Why they want to ruin my comfort shows with this level of angst?!! Gosh, it hurts!! All I can think about is in the poor Ragnar that's now fatherless 😭😭😭😭💔💔💔 (Does he have a mom, or he just turned into a foundling for a second time in his short life?)

There's something else that was left without a clear answer. Who the spies are? Because, yeah, Elia Kane is A spy, but the title is in plural, so who is or are the other(s)? I have several suspects.

The first ones, of course, are the "survivors" in Mandalore. They seemed to be in the right place and right time and knew exactly how to go where the others needed to go. Suspiciously convenient, too convenient.

But maybe, they're not the spies, if Jon Favreau chose to be a little less obvious. If not them, then it could be the armorer. I mean, everyone is suspecting her. She has always been pretty sketchy and super mysterious and manipulative, and this season she has had all of us going back and forth with her inconsistencies. And the fact that she went back to the ship in orbit instead of going to the main forge, a place she spoke with such a fondness just before they were led to a trap? Sus, very sus!

However, after thinking all day, there's one thing that makes a case in her favor. If she is the other spy and is working with Gideon, why was he so surprised, like genuinely shocked, that the children of the watch and the nite owls were teaming up? Why she didn't tell him? It could be that she's playing both sides; it's a big possibility, but maybe she's not the spy. She's just the distraction from the real thing.

(Also, there's like a sort of plot armor with her, I think. Someone really big badass needs to be in the fleet when the bombers attack to lead the counterattack, since everyone else (known BAMFs, I mean, not extras) is on the planet's surface, Jon F gave her the job. Maybe?)

My third suspect, and I can't believe I'm going to say this, but what if Greef Karga is the spy? I know he has changed a lot since season 1, and he's a good friend to Din and a sorta grandpa to Grogu, but that thing with the bottle from Coruscant raised all my red flags instantly. At first, I didn't know why, but once I watched the whole episode, it went from a silly thing to a big red flag! I hope I'm dead wrong and this is just my hyperactive imagination playing tricks on me. But now under this light, even the gesture of welcoming all the Mandalorians on Nevarro could take a new nefarious meaning.

If you think my list of suspects is done, you're mistaken. I have 2 more. Axe Woves and Koska Reeves. Him, because his ego might be still wounded that Bo kicked his ass last week. I mean, it's a lame excuse, but he wouldn't be the first to do something like this for that reason. And she because there's nothing suspicious about her. It's crazy, I know, but the best traitor/spy/etc. in any story is who no one expects to be. Even if she had a nice moment with Bo sharing a silent conversation before Bo said how she surrendered to Gideon, and Koska was the first of the nite owls to volunteer to go to Mandalore, she still could be the spy. And it'd hurt Bo greatly that either of them betrays her to Gideon.

In conclusion, I suspect of everyone except for Din, Grogu, Paz (RIP), and Bo. Everybody else is a person of interest in my book. And there's a whole week of waiting to know the answer to this and to the fate of Din! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! How will I stay sane till then?

I warned you that this one would be long, and I think I've spoken enough, so I'll shut up now. See you next week!

[dreaming-for-an-escape]

@wolfanddragon98​

And here’s Thomas turn!

Soft & Spicy ;)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Thomas so into aftercare. Always making sure Adrian is okay with questions, especially if they were going at it a little too fast than usual. Because unlike with Aemond, who Adrian is afraid to completely lose herself into and give control, she lets loose completely with Thomas. Like she gives him complete control because she trusts him. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Thomas likes how their hands fit together. He thinks Adrian’s are the perfect size. He also likes her dark brown eyes. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

After being with Aemond, Adrian isn’t the most comfortable with letting herself be finished inside. So at the beginning of their relationship Thomas finishes on her body rather than inside. He always kindly asks where she wants him to finish before sex and she tells him and he listens...cause like communication <3  

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Not so dirty but as friends he used to write her love letters. But he was never brave enough to give them to her. Maybe once they’re together...

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s had a couple of girlfriends before Adrian. So between them he’s a bit more experienced. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

So Thomas is soft and spicy, so it only makes sense that their sex life would be the same. So you got the standard missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, 69 ;) doggy style, the caboose, scoop me up, spork. Omg with all these sex positions names lmao. But basically Adrian is a lot more adventurous with Thomas because she trusts him. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Thomas can be goofy during the act, something Adrian likes because it makes her feel less nervous. Especially when they sleep together for the first time. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Very groomed ;)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Romantic 100% but with some spice. 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

*Thomas looks away with a blush on his cheeks*  yes

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Praise kink, in which he likes to praise Adrian.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Definitely more adventurous so it wouldn’t be just in the bedroom :D

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Whenever he sees Adrian dancing because like I said Adrian can dance. She just doesn’t do it as much. And if she dances while wearing a dress, skirt, or shorts? Whew...

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Same as before no degrading, humiliating. He always makes sure to ask before doing anything. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Even though Thomas likes pleasuring her orally, it’s Adrian who enjoys doing it to him and even asks to do it first to him before he does her.

 P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It’s a mix of slow, fast, sensual, rough, deep. Whatever Adrians tells him she wants. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies happen. In fact, they both like having a quickie in the middle of the day if they can find some time. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Nothing major obviously but there’s always the risk of getting caught xD

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

I think it’s safe to say his is pretty high. He can last for quite some time. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Listen, if Adrian wants to add toys to their sex life he would be 100% for that. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He can be a tease but you know what? Adrian likes him doing that. Already seeing the difference here?

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

His groans can be pretty loud, and sometimes he and Adrian laugh because of that. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

This is more cute than wild but him playing music during sex and the song being the most random non-sexy song ever xD

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

We’ve seen this dude shirtless....he is fit. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

10/10.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Thomas always tries to wait for Adrian to fall asleep first while holding her....because she lets him hold her. 

[beaaareputation]

bea’s villano lyric analysis!

based on my own opinions and some conversations i have had with others/their theories

i still have the same opinions about the way in which ant is releasing this

I know I could’ve stayed but I couldn’t find a reason / so I left you with a rock on my hand and i ran with my demons

he left her because he wasn’t settling for a failing relationship and felt that he could make them both happier by leaving

Hay tantas cosas [so many things] between us that were left unsaid / so you kept the truth about me locked up in your head

Social media + the press were making so much noise about the breakup that was pro-Jasmine that she never said anything because it wouldn’t have been true (hence why she may not have released any music)

Don’t worry / put the blame on me / let’s leave it here

Why am I the villain / continue with the story that I am the bad guy

By not saying or doing anything at the time when she had the upper hand, she was silently agreeing with the general public that he had seriously wronged her - no reason to shift or correct the narrative if it’s in your favor already

I don’t care if they hate me or look at me weird / I don’t stop it anymore / the role of the hero is expensive to me

He gave up trying to resist public opinion because ultimately that’s not why he was angry and there was no option to justify himself

You was Harley Quinn / I was the Joker

He uses this metaphor to show what people were thinking of him: that he was an abusive partner who manipulated her into trusting him until he stabbed her in the back

But hid behind the heels and dress to make up for that poker face you would put on

This could possibly be talking about the 2021 gotham awards and her parading around with her friends and singing “my man” but it could also be just about how she moved to la, started attending a bunch of events, and didn’t look back

All that shit you did wrong / I hope you had a good time on that pedestal you stood on

One of his best lyrics ever I think - he wants to know if inflating her ego to surf the pain was ultimately beneficial for her. Adding fuel to the fire by having someone from your camp tell the press that he ruined the wedding that was 2 weeks away just to make people extra mad? Yeah.

We did it all / New York to Miami / now I’m really finna ball

He moved away and is free now to do what he wants

Dolce and Gabbana while I’m dancing with the stars / and we can keep it secret how I really put you on

Ever since they split, he’s been very successful by booking a marvel role, starring in one of the most successful movies of 2022 at the box office, and attending the met w tommy hilfiger and then multiple campaigns and a full collection. Meanwhile she has no new projects lined up and is relying on her friends to keep her supported. Besides the fact that it’s quite obvious she got signed to CAA through him, he alludes to the fact that he supported her throughout the relationship both financially and career wise. Some of her roles such as monsters & men and honest thief were gotten through him and it’s highly likely that he used connections to secure other projects for her, but she would never admit to this because her schtick is being a strong independent woman who lives free from a man’s support

I got new friends / it’s iight I tied up all the loose ends

I think this confirms what we’ve all been speculating - he made clear which of their mutual friends he wants to associate with and now he’s moving on

Now the way I’m moving call it new sense / thank you now I’m back to feeling like a human

He was done with the relationship almost a year before they broke up because they were going through a rough patch and she refused to communicate and instead lashed out at him and pushed him away. He gave up on trying to fix it because she wasn’t willing to work it out and instead shifted his focus to his career. And this was after he had gone to therapy specifically to stay with her and had begun working on his problems for her, but this didn’t matter because she was evidently spiteful and refused to return the favor when he needed her to contribute to the relationship. So ever since, he had been just going through the motions of their relationship while she had regretted her actions and was consistently praising him online and attaching herself to him while he barely acknowledged her. He finally decided that he wasn’t in it anymore and left, and since then he has felt less like a robot and more like a person since he is making the decision to be around people who show up for him like he does for them.

[koneko-pi]

Ooo for the ask game (I hope this isn’t too much of an ask!) Philia: 2 and 3, Storge: 4, and Philautia: 5 for Briar please 🥺💕? She seem’s like a very cool OC 🥰!

Absolutely!! And thank you for taking an interest in her TToTT

mentions of death in this one

Philia 2

Does your OC find it easy to make friends? Or are there barriers to them doing so? If so then are these due to issues of inclination, communication, or something else entirely?

Brair has A LOT of barriers up, mostly to protect herself. She lost a lot of people in the past, because of her own actions, and is very worried about getting hurt like that again. She can build professional relationships with people because she knows there is a line drawn on how much someone needs to know about her, or how much she cares for someone. All of this can stem from her distrust in others (and sometimes herself)

Becoming her friend is possible, but can be a long and rough road, if someone is willing to make the trek.

Philia 3

What qualities does your OC most value in a friend? Loyalty? Shared sense of humour? Or something else?

Loyalty and Trust are pretty given for ant relationship. Briar has been through to much not to seek these things out, almost desperately.

Something else she can value is Independence. She couldn't stand someone who was overly clingy, or constantly asking for help. She would enjoy someone she could talk with and bounce ideas or conversations off of. But not someone who would always be seeking something from her. It makes her feel used, or that she's only been kept around to be a tool of some kind. (which would open an old wound.)

Storge 4

Does your OC have any siblings? If so then did their parents have a favourite growing up? Has their relationship with their sibling changed in adulthood? If they don't have any siblings then do they perhaps feel they have missed out on an important relationship? Do they have any especially close friends who go some way towards filling that role?

Briar has two sisters. An older sister and a younger sister (named La Belle and Cinderella), the younger one is unfortunately gone, having lost her life at a very young age and how it happened has affect Briar deeply. She was once close with both of her siblings when they were little, but the loss of Cinderella created a domino affect of many tragedies in her life and by the end of it her elder sister had run off to protect herself, leaving Briar to deal with a lot all by herself. Briar desperately misses her family, as she has seen none of them since that tragic time, and has been very lonely ever since. It's because of this that she tends to act more caring towards siblings, Nozel's especially, over time. She's not afraid to put them in their place should they do wrong but will also take care of them should she catch them having a bad time.

Philautia 5

Has your OC always had the same opinion of themselves or has this changed over time? Have they learned to love themselves - perhaps with the help of others - as their journey progressed? Or have the consequences of their actions only served to erode their sense of self-worth?

Briar was once a very energetic and happy individual. The kind of girl you would see skipping class, or if she was attending would be napping on the desk or day dreaming while staring out the window. She was free spirited and a lover of dreams, thinking that everyone should dare to have big dreams and good sleep to live out those dreams. She tended to gardens, loved the feeling of dirt between her toes and the breeze in her hair. However like anyone you grow up and loose that innocence. She would be given a job and that job would slowly chip away at her heart until she became the cold and distant person she is in current time.

[herscratchedscribbles]

Closure

I still sit here wondering and reflecting, looking back over the course of the last year in an effort to reconcile where it all went wrong. I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness for the little girl I could see in myself; how I operate through introspection to unfold the heartache and the hurt, as if finding the first loose string would help me explain why it all unravelled. That somehow this would be the closure I needed, if I could just find the answers. 

But closure had already come, I just have kept wedging my foot in the door, trying to slip my fingers in the cracks, not afraid if they get pinched or broken. An actual memory from my past, so vivid, in an effort to make someone just look at me and see me. Always at a cost to myself. Closure happened when my requests were met with disgruntled responses, that only come from emotionally unavailable humans, where my basic needs were made to feel like they were too much, big asks, instead of the crumbs that we leave behind that pigeons would peck at. This was a lesson I had learned already, it was hard to have to learn it twice, that people can come into your life and use your resources, time, energy, and space and leave when it no longer suits them. 

It had been time to let go, if anything it should have never started. But instead of slowly loosening my grip on the rope that was rubbing my skin raw, the rope that felt like a noose. I held on, surprised when just like in a game of tug of war when the other person abruptly let's go, you always end up, laid out, flat on the ground. It got to that point, forceful disengagement. 

I can look back and think of every memory shared and created, of every hung back moment to talk, of every phone call on a drive home, or every time they said, "I wish you were here, I always wonder what it would feel like if you were." Every promise that was uttered, now broken. I can still hear their voice, saying "I wish I'd met you sooner, the universe is cruel." I can still recall being told, "I gravitate towards you." I could revisit every text, call, or conversation and hold on to what I thought was sacred. But the reality is, after all of that, we are strangers again. 

So, healing will be hard, but it will come. I cannot understand the ending, but I don't think I am supposed to. It may never make sense to me, and that's okay. I do not need to chase down the snake that bit me, left me for dead with poison seeping in and instead of trying to mend and heal, I went to find out "why" and prove to them that I didn't deserve it.  How crazy that this is what I have always done, to over explain myself, for someone else's failure to recognize their part and take accountability - that is a trauma response, I can name it now.  Some people are committed to misunderstanding me, despite their desire to be understood without communicating.  To ask someone for something, you must be able to deliver that same ask but they ask for more than they give, those are not my people. This is not my person. I knew where I stood, hope blurred that line. And while they wrapped up all my successes, opportunities, and options in their web, under their hand, it feels like losing more than just a friend, it feels like the collapse of who I thought I was creating. It is just the death of the version I was, death of the ego. Resurrection will come, unattached to anyone else's name, and at the end of it all, I will realize I did this with strength, will, determination, and ultimately, grace, all the while passing this on to my future that was growing inside of me.