#while also truly not being able to say it
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hiii, can you please share more goofy habits caleb has while sharing a bed with u š
[ By popular demand i'm here to share extra thoughts on Caleb's sleeping habits! Kinda of a part two to this, in case you missed! ]
-----------------------------ā āæā ā āæā ā āæā --------------------------
Oh boy there's so much to unpack here. We all know Caleb has experienced a loooot of bad things and has not worked through them in an actual healthy way at all. He is also a master at hiding it from you, but you can get a glimpse of how damaged he truly is during bedtime.
First of all, you will rarely, if ever, catch him sleeping on an actual bed. Or sleeping at all to be honest. What Caleb does is take power naps whenever he can on his couch at the office or when he's at your place waiting for you to. The one to (partially) blame for this is his chronic insomnia. I like to believe Caleb has always been a very light sleeper and it's only gotten worse throughout the yearsā The sound of a door opening is enough for him to be wide wake in a matter of seconds. Trust issues anyone?
When he wakes up, if alone, his go-to activity is working out. He'll do push-ups or leave the house for a loooong late night jog, anything that will tire his body out since he's wired up. Then, he takes a freezing cold shower to reboot his system and either starts to work early or sits down to solve some calculus problems to prevent his mind from thinking about anything else since it's 98% of the time never anything good.
To add to that, the main reason as to why his insomnia is so bad is the fact he has nightmares on an almost daily basis. They're often about you in some way and he wakes up panicking about where you are, how you are, if you're with someone else, why you aren't here with him instead and if you plan on leaving him. That's why it's so crucial for Caleb that you stay somewhere he can see you whenever he needs to. Otherwise, his anxiety will gnaw at him until he just shows up unprompted on your front door in the middle of the night.
On the topic of nightmares, next thing on the list is a more...sensitive one: His reactions to nightmares that involves the abuse Caleb himself went through. I say sensitive because this man is a trained soldier and he wakes up in very high alert which, sometimes, means he might hurt you by pure reflex similar to retired war veterans.
The first time you woke up with his hands tightly wrapped around your neck you seriously thought you were a goner. The sound of your voice calling his name was fortunately enough to make him snap out of the haze he was trapped in, believing he was under the threat of the ghosts of his past and had to defend himself before it was him the one who would end up dead. You have always been his anchor, it was not a surprise that you were the only one able to pull him back even in a moment like this.
Regardless if he had been in control or not, Caleb would blame himself until his last day on this world. He wouldn't sleep (Key word being sleep because he will stay in bed with you, he just won't *sleep*) on the same bed as you anymore after this and instead spends his nights on a mattress on the floor next to you. The sight of your bruised neck and the tears in your eyes because of his hands, because of him, only serve as fuel for his nightmares. He doesn't even want to imagine what would've happened if you hadn't been able to speak loudly enough to wake him up.
"Caleb is a big spoon!!" people yell at me and I agree! However! If you want this man to have some peaceful sleep then the only way to achieve that is to have him laying on your chest where he can both listen to your steady heartbeat and feel your warmth as he holds you. Run your fingers through his hair and promise him you'll be right there when he wakes up to soothe his anxieties as much as possible and he might just sleep throughout the entire night.
Moving on to more sweet thoughts so we don't end on a bitter noteā He has serious beef with the plushies you own, specifically the ones you hug to sleep. I mean, he's right here? Hello??? Why would you want to hug that fat ass bear of yours. If your plushie goes missing one day through suspicious means don't be sad because you can just cuddle him! He promises he'll behave this time!
Another silly thing is Caleb cannot keep his hands to himself when the two of you are sharing a bed. Literally. His hands have a will of their own and they must be touching you at all times in some way. That also means he will bother you by torturing tickling you non-stop until you're on the verge of tears. He loves the sound of your joyful laughter and how red your face gets while you try to escape the evil tickle monster so I'm afraid there's no way to get him to actually stop.
#love and deepspace#love and deepspace x reader#lads#lads x reader#lnds#lnds x reader#caleb love and deepspace#lads caleb#caleb x reader#love and deepspace caleb#lnds caleb#caleb lnds#caleb angst#kinda#caleb fluff#also kinda#hahaha
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if byler isn't endgame...
what was the point of making will in love with mike?
why was will used as a plot device to force mike and el back together and "fix" their relationship issues? (the writers literally took his OWN feelings for mike and his OWN painting for mike that was supposed to be something special between them only and made it all about... el? this is genuinely one of the most cruel, ridiculous and unnecessary writing decisions i've ever seen if it doesn't result in will getting the person he loves)
why did they clearly highlight the contrast between byler and m*leven's relationships all season? how mike makes el feel like a monster for being different vs how he does NOT make will feel like a mistake for being different? how mike and el had the biggest fight after mike apologised vs how mike and will made up and ended up closer than before after mike apologised? how mike and el don't have healthy communication and struggle to understand each other vs how mike and will always have genuine heart-to-heart conversations, understand each other so well and sometimes don't even have to say any words? how mike feels insecure in his relationship with el and has his trauma/feelings invalidated vs how will manages to always make him feel special, confident and gives him strength when he's struggling and needs help?
why are there so many parallels and similarities between will and el as individual characters AND also their relationships with mike?
why is mike's relationship with will different from all his other platonic friends? (and don't just say "because will is in love with him", because in some scenes, MIKE is the one who initiates things and goes out of his way for will. which reminds me, you know how everyone says mike does so many romantic things for el? like not giving up on her when she's missing, taking care of her, being protective over her, etc.? he actually did all of those things for will first)
why did mike vent to will about his fight with el (the fight he claims they "can't come back from") without directly saying what the fight was about? all he said was "maybe i should've said something... and if i would've said that thing, then maybe she'd want me there with her." so... you're venting to your friend and you can't even specify that your big fight was about not being able to say "i love you"? why was it kept so secretive if you truly love her and it's no big deal? you've said you love her in front of a group of people before anyways, even when will was there, so why can't you even say the words to him while venting?
why did mike vent to will (again) and say that if he would've explained himself to el, maybe she would've taken him with her? will says he thinks it's scary to open up like that, to say how you really feel, but shouldn't mike and el already know how they both feel about each other at this point? el heard mike say he loved her in season 3, and at the end of the same season, she said "i love you too" before kissing him. they have kissed a lot, sent letters to each other and do lovey dovey things, which should make their feelings quite clear?????
and what was the point of this line from will?
"because... what if... what if they don't like the truth?"
we're supposed to be talking about el here. sure, will was subtly speaking about himself, and we know that as the audience. but mike doesn't. this conversation is about el, so mike still thinks will is talking about her. why on earth would he NOD after will says the part about how she might not like the truth? mike knows that "the truth" she WANTS to hear is "i love you", so why wouldn't she like the truth? why did mike nod at what will said and why did he agree with him? what is actually even happening in this scene??????????????
why did they make all the canon couples stand together in the final shot of season 4, with mike and will standing together too?
what was the point of ANY of this if they weren't planning on making byler endgame?!?!?!?!?!
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Heya Anon! (I speedran this doodle because I got emotionnal)
I see the vision, I used to be insane about the possiblity of a Teru and Nene's friendship, they would be so so funny together :DD
I also like the idea of Teru needing a friend who is more.. chill ? Nene judges him a lot for random stuff in canon but it's really not the same as Akane or Aoi who are just 'this guy is truly insane ._.' (and good for them tbh love them a lot) And she still goes sparkly eyes for him sometimes even when he says the most insane things and I like that sm
(in french he says: "And well, I am the embodiment/personification of beauty" I find it wonderful either way)
And Nene having someone who could teach her stuff about the supernatural world while judging her hard af for how she acts around them sometimes would be a really funny dynamic too. None of them would have chill with the other but I think this is why it could be so good. And Teru would be overjoyed to teach her stuff (in the hope she would destroy Hanako, this is the true motivation)
They truly would be a no braincells duo
(an old doodle I still love a lot this guy is a disaster at handling people showing emotions in front of him)
And they do care for each other in canon , their teamup for the new timeline was really cute :DD
(I am just sad we didn't have much but lol I won't talk about the disappointement that this arc is for me :'))
I agree that they would watch random stuff together especially because Teru doesn't have much knowledges in that and Nene may have... too much. I truly think they could be great friends (and Nene has the patience of a saint have you seen her with Mitsuba or even Hanako? ToT She would be able to handle Teru)
I used to be obsessed with the Survivor quartet as I call them (Akane, Nene, Teru and Kou) and I have a tag for them #survivorquartet with random doodles/hcs if you need more stuff :DD (most are really old so some of my opinion has changed izvkdvd)
Little comic I did of them that I still love a lot, help this poor girl she needs it
And don't be ashamed to post if you want to, I am sure you're not the only one liking this friendship :DD Especially since you're talking about a fic! This means others people like it too! (and even if that wasn't the case, be free Anon this is honestly how you can have the most fun in a fandom, my main metaphor is the sandbox in a corner doing whatever and sometimes some people go to talk with you, this is the funniest part of being in a fandom for me :))
And if you're bothered about the ship you can just say in the tags that it's platonic. That's something I did once and most people respected to not tag it with the ship name ^^ Fandom and posting are supposed to be fun so you shouldn't feel pressured by it but I understand if you're scared/don't know if you wanna post, take your time :))) I believe in youuuu
I hope you have a great day Anon and thanks for the ask it made me happy to retalk about them :DD
#toilet bound hanako kun#tbhk#jshk#ramblings#jibaku shounen hanako kun#jibaku shonen hanako kun#my art#minamoto teru#yashiro nene#may have gone alil bit insane#got flashback from 2022/2023 whene I was obsessed with the survivor quartet#the mystery kids have always been my favs ofc but this quartet has a very special place in my heart too#I believe in you Anon#trust me I know how hard it is to post in this fandom#I post like... 20% of what I do for tbhk ahah#but If you really wanna share things and all don't be pressure by others :))#you are your main target audience :DD#survivor quartet#I haven't used this tags in ages but omg#I love them sm look at them on this panel
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broken promises
I'm always grateful and humbled for those who are still interested and looking out for my work, characters, despite being fragmented + incomplete stories. It's something I never take for granted, especially given my wavering activity over the last decade. in recent years, I had loosely spoken about possible promises towards varied project commitments or releases (whether it was my comics, ESCkey, Division 0, or my UTAU voicebanks, or potential other things? I tend to not have the best memory of what I say, BUT I'm quite cognizant of the fact that I've promised things and did not follow up. )
At the time, those statements were said largely with the hope that theyād push me forward and finish things; because someone out there is waiting for it.
however, that largely backfired and transformed into empty promises. It is something I'm truly not proud of, because I want to be a man of my word, and I simply haven't been. Failing to do so has weighed on me and had made things worse.
Truth is, I barely had the capacity to create. I grappled with health issues for several years - not just physical, but my mental health was in far worse straits than I had even realized.
I was going through a massive, layered amount of burnout from a mix of work and the impact of several major life events, and I had no realization of the full extent of how bad it was until I truly healed from it. Extenuating life events have piled up like a massive intersection multi-car wreck, compounding more and more damage.
While I had rationally acknowledged that they deeply impacted me, I didn't allow myself the proper space to step away and take a hiatus, thinking I still had to "perform" and put myself out there for fans. I thought forcing myself to do my personal works would make me happy, but I wasn't happy.
I was truthfully hating most of the things I drew or made, and everything felt like a chore. I was always dragging my feet to create. The stuff I was able to put out over recent years was an uphill, excruciating battle. I was struggling within the process of my own work. I didn't genuinely like a lot of the stuff I was producing.
Over the past few years, I've put in a significant amount of work to recover, get various avenues of professional help/treatment, and rebuild myself.
I had a ton of personal realizations about myself that built up over time, and recently, significant creative revelations. Recently, (actually just last month) I also overcame a significant blockage of my own that had originally sucked all the joy out of drawing for me. After that, I actually now love to draw again. It feels effortless and light and fun now, like it was for me in the past.
I had not felt that in so long.
Iām in a better place now. A far better place. Iāve been working silently and diligently through things, and for the first time in a long, long time, I feel lighter, clear-headed, and above all else, genuinely happy. These words don't come lightly.
For anyone who happens to read this and still looks out for my work, I am very grateful for your support and interest, even when I faltered. I will far more be careful with the words I say, and hopefully, there will really be more content soon.
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So yeah, I actually did as I threatened and wrote fanfiction. The idea for the thing come from @balrogballs (i asked before using it of course) and yeah, I really don't know what this is, and I also haven't gotten a haircut myself in a couple of years but here we go ššš
The Haircut
Silver hairclips, set with diamonds were glittering in the sun. Midday was approaching, and under normal circumstances, their assigned place would have been Lord Elrond`s hair, but today was the one day in every century on which they were instead laid out on a table in front of said Lord Elrond, for today was the day he would receive his haircut.
This day, according to Elrond was the worst day imaginable. After a childhood of provisional bowlcuts and comparatively slow hairgrowth, Elrond had told himself that if anyone were to touch his hair with sharp objects again, it would be Elrond himself.
What he did not anticipate was, that Lady Galadriel (very scary!) would become his mother-in-law. While she had been very supportive of his relationship with her daughter, his unwillingness to even trim his hair greatly unnerved her, especially after there had not been much time for hair care during the war. After he then announced that he himself would cut his hair for the wedding during the engagement party, she stared him down so thouroughly that he had finally submitted and got a professional haircut the very next day. While this had appeased the very intimidating Lady Galadriel, Elrond felt severely humiliated, both by once again being forced to submit the dreaded haircut, even if there was no bowl involved this time, and the new, way too short length his hair was at now. For about a third of the adornments he had previously worn in his hair he now didnāt have space anymore, so only a singular butterfly graced his hair.
To avoid drawing Galadrielās infamous wrath onto himself, he then got a haircut once a century, under the condition that no bowl would be involved, and that nobody would try to make him get bangs, and today it was due once again.
So now he sat in front of a mirror, all his hairclip glittering in front of him, and getting his hair brushed out by his hairdresser.
āLord Elrond, if you truly want to avoid getting more hair damage, you will have to stop tying the end of your hair into knots every day, and maybe try more protective hairstyles. To remove all the dead ends, Iāll have to cut off at least three inchesā
Elrond, who had been raised to be a sensible person, knew this to be more than seven centimetres and paled. A regular elf would be able to regrow their hair within a couple of weeks, an eyeblink in a neverending life, but Elrondās hair would take at least twelve antagonising months, in which the āglittering disgraceā (dubbed this by Elladan) in his hair would have to be reduced to a minimum.
Still, Elrond nodded, if only to avoid angering mother-in-law. After getting snapped at for making simple smalltalk during a haircut once a century, the hairdresser was luckily quiet. The only thing audible were the scissors carefully cutting the Elf-Lords hair, and the thin ends lightly falling to the ground.
āYou will see, My Lord, the hair will truly look much better when itās not breaking off at the ends anymoreā the hairdresser promised, apparently not having learned their lesson about keeping quiet as well as Elrond had originally thought. Elrond did not say anything, for he already knew how he would feel about his haircut. When the last strand of hair fell to the ground, Elrond knew it was time to look into the mirror. While assessing the damage, he felt tears welling up in his eyes, but the. Lord of Imladris knew better then to cry because of hair that would eventually grow back anyways.
Swallowing heavily, he turned to look at the hairdresser and told them: āI should have trusted you immediately, my hair does, of course, look much better now than it did before.ā
Quickly, he turned away, so the hairdresser would see neither the lie nor the tears in his eyes. Blindly he reached for his hairclips and pinned them into his hair as quickly as possible before cramming the remaining pins into the pockets of his robe. While thanking the hairdresser, he stumbled towards the exit, his eyes still foggy with tears, for he knew that his next haircut would already be approaching by the time his hair had reached itās original length again.
#my first fanfic šš#this is so stupid#lord of the rings#elrond#elrond peredhel#lord of the rings fanfiction
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personally if someone isn't distressed entirely by their disorder, its not my problem.
which, yeah, is entirely hypocritical, in a way, considered ive said the complete opposite on a past account, and it does make me incredibly jealous to see people live with dissociative disorders and still be happy; but it's not truly my problem in the grand scheme of things.
my own personal experience is that i find absolutely zero joy in any part of DID. most of our alters hate each other, our dissociation causes migraines so bad we pass out, not to mention the seizures, and also the fainting, and the loss of time, and the fact i dont know my own name 90% of the time, and the flashbacks, oh my god don't even get me started on the flashbacks. literally everything about this disorder makes me want to jump into an ocean.
BUT; that doesn't mean people who are able to find joy in their life while living with a disorder, or people who aren't distressed by having certain aspects of it, are faking, or they're mistaking DID/OSDD for something else, or whatever.
something else i have is ADHD. i was diagnosed when i was about eleven and put on adderall. i admit, my ADHD really does ruin aspects of my life, especially in social and educational spaces, but there's a very few little things in there that i think are kinda rad. one of those being i am INCREDIBLY passionate about my interests due to ADHD, one of the things i love the most about myself is my passion about the things i love. i could rant for hours about banana fish, minecraft youtube, genshin, psychology, project sekai, literally any of my interests; and that passion, i feel, comes almost entirely from my ADHD. does this mean that I don't have ADHD anymore because I'm not distressed by one thing? no. the same goes for any disorder.
people are allowed to not be distressed by aspects of a disorder. that is, quite literally, a part of recovery, especially with disorders like OSDD/DID.
there's people like me, who are hurting constantly and just aren't in the right space to make recovery, therefore they are distressed by every aspect of their dissociative disorder. but there's also people that aren't like me, that have been able to truly figure things out and learn to manage their dissociative disorder and find the best in their living situation. and that's fine.
a lot of these posts about "you need to be distressed by all aspects of DID/OSDD to have it" come from hurt people. and that's fine; you can ask anyone in syscourse and they'll be able to tell you about the shitty and insane things ive said to people because of my own unstable, unhealed mind. it's alright to say bad things sometimes; nobody is truly 100% right all the time. but, know that one day, all of us will (hopefully) be those systems who are able to find some sort of happiness and contentment in our disorder. or, non-disorder, if you don't use the label of DID/OSDD. whatever you're fine with :-)
#ļøµ Ķā Ķš¢š¢ā ā ā ā ā ą¾āā ā ā ā šllā ā šyesā ā šnā ā šeā ā ā ą½²Ü³#syscourse#system discourse#system discussion#long post
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Just thinking about the miscommunicated needs between Will and Mike in season 4.Ā
Mike was sharing his burden: his guilt, his torn-ness, his shame, his anxiety of a situation that he communicated himself as unchangeable. In his words, something youĀ ācanāt come back fromā. He was seeking to cope by processing verbally the fact and consequences of him not being able to sayĀ āI love youā to El. We hear him sayĀ āif onlyā statements a few times. Thatās a part of processing grief - something that has passed. He wishes he could have, but he doesnāt view the situation as something that can be saved by now. If only he were a person who could.
But Will thought he just couldnāt say it but wanted help communicating it. Will thought he needed advice. Will thought he needed a push.
And they were so close to being on the same page. Enough so that Mike thought they were for a long time.Ā āYou know, if you keep staring at that, itās not gonna changeā later answered withĀ āIt just felt like a fight we canāt come back fromā. Same page, right?Ā āYou can tell her thenā maybe not.Ā āSometimes itās scary to tell people how you really feel, especially the ones you care about the most, because what if they donāt like the truth?ā Same page, right? I mean, he said what if they donāt like the truth. If that isnāt the same page, I donāt know what is. And he is nodding. And he looks like he might even be about to say something. So later, he does. He confides about how he feels like he isnāt enough and he feels like El is so above him and he feels guilty that he canāt say he loves her but he doesnāt want to loseĀ her over it andĀ āYou donāt want to lose herā Same page! For sure, right?
But not because whatās the next thing Mike hears butĀ āYou have to tell her, sheāll break down if you donāt tell her you love her, she told me herself. She loves you so much she had me make you this to represent how much she missed you. You REALLY need to tell her.ā not on the same page.
So he tries to tell her, because the stakes are much higher than he thought. If he doesnāt tell her he loves her, sheāll feel like a mistake. And this is a short term solution to be delt with more long term later. But heās interrupted by Argyle. And then he wants to save her and heās losing her RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM to VECNA and Will suggests itĀ āYouāre the heartā. And if the lack of his love made her feel a like a mistake, maybe the presence can help her too. So he says all the true things about how he doesnāt want to lose her. And he makes sure to say the phrase too. Lord knows if she heard it. Lord knows if it helped. But itās better than nothing.
Oh, the consequences of a miscommunication.
#i had never really thought too deeply before now to my memory what the true interpretation mike would have had fully believing it was el was#while also truly not being able to say it#but it could have been this#will saying that he missed him disguised as el saying that she missed him in response to his rant making it seem like el feeling as bad as#missing him would be a consequence of him not saying i love you#when really all will meant was#you bring light to people's lives#and i hope you get what you want#but mike meant#i dont want what i should want. and i need to come to terms with that.#oh poor souls#byler analysis#van scene#elmike ily#ily speech
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My BG3 run is quickly devolving into a messy dating sim (sorry)
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[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]
[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]
#also I panicked SO HARD because I'd seen a couple people say that dancing with Wyll-#even rejecting him- ruined the Gale romance and prevents it from happening and I didn't see that until after 2 more hours of gameplay#spoilers we're good#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 spoilers#act II spoilers#croissant adventures#wyll#tav#gale#comics#we're coming up on my Big Project Comic and uh I hope you like it it's extremely self-indulgent lol#also have you even truly lived if you haven't slept in the same room as your crush while not being able to do anything about it#there's some free a2z lore for you#gale dekarios#breadweave
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Do you think gojo makes those freaky ass feral expressions while getting dicked down?
YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSS RAAAAAAAAAHHHH THIS IS SOMETHIGN IM PASSIONATE ABOUT OKAY!!!!!!! YES HE DOES
like, pleasure looks such a specific way on satoru. we can see it in the tojigo fight, the hanami/jogo fight and the sukugo fight. they're the only moments where we truly get to see raw pleasure on him and it's that. eyes popping out and manic grin and laughter bubbling in his torso and body charged, and mannerisms especially crude.


there's something so animalistic about it, his "human" mask slipping from him and showing him in all his monstrous glory, unfiltered and raw and like the freak of nature he truly is
and it's exactly the same thing when it comes to sex. it's all pleasure after all.
#f.ask#however likewise it's only ever when the sex is really good and he is truly engrossed in it and enjoying it fully. the sex HAS to be good.#which is....not something easy to give him. but if u are able to give it to him#then boy u're in for the weirdest (and best) fuck of your life#anon u touched on something about him that i love sooooo much#bc YES. that IS what pleasure looks like on him#and that's how i imagine it to be during sex too#jjk#gojo#gojo satoru#like i DO love satoru who's a subdued mess while getting fucked#but that's bc that's what I'M into#but this is what goes more in line with his character#and what i generally tend to imagine for him is a mixture of both#where there's moments where he's taken by it all and u'll find him toned down into muffled moans and low whimpers#that feel much too small on a being like him#but then. there's a few cracks. the bubbling pleasure gets too much for his body to hold. and it pours out of him with laughter#and a grin that's much too wide and eyes that threaten to swallow u whole.#it's pretty scary if u're not someone who can deal with that haha#but let's be honest. he's only having sex with people who can get that out of him and therefore also weirdos#(tho that's not to say they aren't at least a LITTLE offput by it)#it IS very much creepy after all#gwah! love him so much!!!!!!!!!!!!#the middle right. where he makes a throaty sound and turns to hanami is one of my fave fave moments.#but fuuuuuccck when he gets atop hanami like uuuughghghgfhdgfhgdshf#satoru's fighting style is so very fascinating to me#esp considering what his techniques actually are#and god. he's just so FUN to watch
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just wanna say that i pegged from the start that melinoe was not quite the sickly sweet sad waif in need of protection from people being mean to her that people were portraying her as for a while in the beginning & while now some people seem to be swinging too hard in the direction of treating her like she's the worst person ever im at least glad people have caught on to the fact that she's a bit of a bitch. like justice for my girl nemesis mel IS a mean witch
#hades 2#like truly justice for nem if i was around someone who was so self-righteous while also being just straight up wrong & ignorant#about a lot of things i would also not be able to stop myself from a few mean comments here or there lol#(saying this completely complimentary i like that mel isnt some genetically nice girl)#<- that was supposed to say generically not genetically...........
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having a lavellan who is kind of an absolute demon in her own right is so much fun because sure that cut content of "oh solas didnt deserve a happy ending but lavellan did" is lovely and worth centering in the conversation.... but you know what else hits? "oh my god i dont even care anymore" "if this is what it takes for them to both fucking LEAVE thedas then good riddance"
#datv#oc: ashara#datv spoilers#insane rant incoming. this is very much abt ashara but like i hope u can all see the vision for lavellans in general#bc honestly... i am such a big fan of lavellans who ALSO deserve some fade prison time . JDFGJHKDFG#like obviously she could NEVER deserve it as much as solas and the evanuris do. but like. maybe a LITTLE... womens rights womens wrongs !!!#ashara having the potential to heal solas by being the inverse of mythal. everything mythal was NOT#........while still matching his own personal freak by several concerning markersš#up until trespasser the inquisitor truly WAS one of the closest things this world had to a demigod. w all the power/authority#- and loss of personhood - that comes with it. and the inevitable OVERREACH.... the meddling in affairs that effect the world at large...#unwittingly setting in motion things that ruin lives! destroy cities and communities and worse! and u cant even stop to rectify it#bc ur too integral to the Big Picture. that bright clear line from A to B... stuck up on that lonely towering pedestal you were forced onto#cant get down now girl its too far to fall !!!!!#mistake after mistake after mistake... just like solas....#i love the line ''you two were good for each other'' that rook can say in act 3 bc yeah lavellan can fix solas but like#maybe solas could fix lavellan too. theyre BOTH better together. their spirits mirror and adapt.... IDK !!! IDK! !!!! FOOD FOR THOUGHT!!!!#i think its why i personally am able to enjoy the ending more than others might. bc if ashara was more blameless i'd feel worse for her#but tbh as it stands........... well. gestures to the crimes.#anyway this whole convo is irrelevant ultimately bc it quite literally wont be terrible if theyre together <3
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ngl i do find rewrites of double exposure vastly intriguing ( and want to do one myself ) but the moment people make a huge point of removing amanda and vinh as love interests i immediately lose steam lol. whereās your whimsy ā¦ every lis game has romance and max is not some sort of nun character, who is known for putting her feelings aside for the sake of a case. after all, while the world as she knows it is ending, max writes this in her journal about warren and chloe :

like!! she would kiss amanda and vinh!! she would!! max is impulsive and feels things for the people she cares for very, very strongly and i feel like erasing her canon love interests in a genuine rewrite of the game is sort of a null point. no, max wouldnāt think through the logistics of kissing two people while investigating the murder of her best friend. no, max wouldnāt abstain from indulging herself in something she genuinely wants just because sheās sad or busy. idk. double exposure desperately needs a rewrite but the second you write max as someone whoās āaboveā love affairs i shake my head in disagreement. thereās a difference between including love interests and then allowing the player to have max not romance anyone versus forcing her and the player to not romance anyone at all.
#my posts.#this is not a vague or anything its just something i notice a lot and get irked by lol#you do not have to romance vinh OR amanda to begin with. you can friendzone both just like in every other lis game.#and in general i find it so weird that everyone and their mother says double exposure would be better without love interests#like i understand being burned about the breakup ( IF you get that ) but idk#the way people talk about max and having other love interests has always been very vicious#while people can accept that chloe can love multiple people and still love max#people have a hard time seeing max love multiple people and still be able to love chloe#i truly just get bad vibes from the insistence that max shouldnāt have love interests who arenāt chloe ā¦ like idk ā¦ i think sheās allowed?#i think max has every right to move on and that sheās allowed to mess around as she deems fit#whatās REALLY baffling is that neither amanda nor vinh are like. permanent.#both relationships with them are up in the air at the end of the game#you could have max kiss amanda and agree with her that they wouldnāt work#or have max kiss vinh and decide they shouldnāt pursue it for a similar reason#it isnāt like max becomes officially partnered to either romance option at the end of the game#she is still single? and there are still choices to be made?#idk idk. how people treat the existence of vinh and amanda bug me deeply.#and how people treat max having the nerve to be into anyone but chloe ( or warren ig? ) also bugs me deeply#let my girl live and let her be her disastrous bisexual self who kisses people impulsively at the WORST time bc. well. she wants to#anyway. yeah <3
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[ice queen and tyrant king AU]
thena using Gil and his tattoos as a coloring book after she finds some skin safe markers. I feel like in this au thena would secretly really enjoy physical touch and she would really like when Gil holds her. I also feel like this is the first step for her becoming more vulnerable to Gil as a whole, kind of letting her guard down more that before ā¤ļø so can I request that this be part one and her admitting that she likes it when Gil holds her be part two?
lots of love! Your writing is truly amazing!
The Tyrant King never used to consider himself a heavy sleeper. A sleeper, sure, maybe even the occasional nap after watching the races and having a few beer. But he was never the type to have a nap just because.
But now...well, Thena's office couch was becoming awfully familiar to him.
They'd had one of their 'meetings'. He had come over to her office, gotten dropped off, waited for her to finish with a real meeting. Then they were on each other. She was bossy, as always (hot). She grabbed him, kissed him, climbed on top of him like he was her property (yes ma'am).
They had worn each other out, heavily sated after the fact. But she had more work to do while he had cleared his schedule for the afternoon. He had done so specifically in hopes that he might squeeze in some more time with her afterward.
Which he wasn't supposed to do.
He was well aware Thena looked at their arrangement with the sterile, clinical eye of a business woman. She fit him into her day the way she would fit in an appointment for a massage. And he was supposed to view it the same way. A situationship at best, as the kids would say--a bootycall, as he considered it.
And maybe it would be easier to think of it that way if she weren't so perfect for him. His heart leapt at the thought of her calling or texting him. Even a business email thinly veiling an invitation to come over. He was excited for it; everyday held new potential for her to call upon him again. Maybe he should feel used, he thought at one time.
But every time they were together, he knew she felt it too. She didn't want to, that was for damn sure. His Ice Queen approached her own feelings the same way she approached an overly friendly business arrangement; ignore it, and hope it just leaves of its own accord.
But when they kissed, he knew she reciprocated genuinely. His hands on her felt just as good to her--just as natural. He could just...tell. And when they made love, he knew she felt everything he was feeling. It was too good, too mind blowing, too addictive to not be true.
If only he could get her to see it that way.
His Ice Queen was a guarded woman. He couldn't begrudge her that. She had her reasons for keeping herself closely protected. He knew she kept a tight circle of friends in the Poison Princess and the Lightning Thief, she might have even been on friendly terms with Ajak. But she wasn't a social creature. Letting him into her world was a risk.
The squeak of a highlighter burrowed into his ear and he whined in complaint. He could hear her light, purring laughter (the vixen). He attempted to turn onto his side and bury his face in her dress, but she kept him on his back, his head in her lap.
If she didn't want him to fall in love with her, she could have just sent him away. But instead she let him sleep on her office couch after wearing himself out. Sometimes she would even pick up his head and let it rest in her lap while she was working. Like now.
He cracked an eye open, still feigning some sleep as he stole a peek. She was looking at some documents, highlighting on occasion, and then the highlighter would drift away as she continued reading.
There was a tickle on his skin, and he realised the highlighter was dotting and dragging against his arm. He could have thought it was something she was doing absentmindedly, her hand doing one thing while her mind focused on another.
But she was working on specific areas. She would highlight a line and then her right hand would drag the highlighter down the lines of one of the dragons slithering up his arm. She would highlight another number and then she would dot its eyes in with neon green.
Maybe he would tell her not to if it wasn't kinda cute.
He didn't always get to see his Ice Queen unguarded. It was a good sign that she was relaxed enough to let him lounge with her like this at all. And to see her working, going over her numbers, in her element--he wouldn't change it for anything in the world.
Thena examined another line on the page. She squinted at it a little. Maybe it was because of what it said. Or maybe she would need glasses. The thought of an older Thena, glasses and more-silver-than-blonde hair entered his mind and only made him more smitten. Not that she wouldn't fucking kill him for thinking such things.
Another line of colour got added to his dragon tattoo. And he really couldn't bring himself to mind it. She could scribble all over him if it meant he got to stay, got to gaze up at her adoringly, maybe even got to convince her to have dinner with him?
"I know you're awake, Gilgamesh."
He sighed, giving up on his charade but not moving from his spot. "I thought I was doing a pretty good job."
She glanced away from her work sparingly. But she had a faintly amused smile on those amazing lips. "It was truly awful, I'm afraid. Your breathing changes so steeply when you're awake."
He pouted faintly, but so long as he was poised the way he was, he was able to look up at Thena. The lights flush with her office ceiling were set low, shining down on them with mercy. They caught in the diamonds on her ear cuff and her other earrings, and in the comb securing some of her hair out of her face.
She sparkled, his Ice Queen.
Thena set aside the papers and really smiled at him. "Sleep well?"
He grinned up at her. Her hand was resisting the urge to trail over him affectionately, hovering over him but not making contact. "Damn well. You sure you don't wanna join me, Princess?"
She puffed out a laugh. "Some of us have businesses to run."
"Hey, I do great business," he protested, just to see her lips upturned in amusement. "And my very capable underlings are running it as we speak."
"Hm," she sufficed to say, looking at her figures again.
Gil shimmied on top of her thigh. She frowned down at him for jostling her but he dragged his other arm out from the crack of the couch to lie over his front. His shirt was still deeply unbuttoned from their earlier activities, and he had rolled his sleeves up before dozing off. "You should get this one, too."
Thena actually looked a little sheepish, her earlier idle activity being caught and reflected upon. But seeing his eagerness, she sighed. She obliged him, positioning his other arm for herself. "I would have thought colour of this degree didn't suit you, Tyrant."
He didn't care if she wanted to use a pink highlighter and colour in every tattoo on his body. Okay, maybe he was getting carried away. But that was just the effect this woman had on him.
Thena started with dotting in the eyes of his other dragon to match, then adding some scales to it. "You could always return to your own office."
Some might have taken that as an open invitation to leave. But he knew his Ice Queen better than that. She was asking if he wanted to go home rather than let her scribble on him. Her day demanded more of her, and maybe the prize of the end of the day with her wasn't enough for him to stick around for two more hours.
But he was happy as a clam. In truth, she could have called him over in the morning and ignored him for the rest of the day. He could chill in her office, play around on his phone, whatever. It would still be preferable to moping around in his own office daydreaming about her.
"I'm happy here," he told her with the utmost honesty. Thena valued honesty; some might say that was why she was always so direct herself.
Her smile softened and he caught that shy twinkle in her eye; the part of her that always seemed a little embarrassed at being caught feeling happiness. What a sin for his poor Ice Queen.
"Are you?" he dared to ask, even knowing it could get him in trouble. She finished the layer of cloud she was working on before looking at him again. She raised a brow. "Happy?"
Her mask was flawless, but he could see a little Thena behind it, battling it out with the Ice Queen's shield. "Do not ask me such things, Tyrant."
Says the woman with his head in her lap, he couldn't help but think. But the longer he waited, the less Thena could resist. She coloured in another twist of fog before setting her papers aside. His eyes slid closed as she leaned down, craning her neck to kiss him.
This was what he was talking about; when they kissed, he knew she was the woman for him. Like they were made for each other. If he died on the job the very next day he'd come back for her. Maybe as a ghost, maybe he'd get reincarnated into some other shmuck's body. Maybe he'd come back as a cat, or a stray dog she would take pity on.
And he would love her just as much - probably even more - in that life, and in any he had with her.
Okay, he was definitely letting himself get carried away.
He rose slightly, trying to follow her lips with his. But she pushed him back to lie down. He pouted at her. "Come on, Ice. Do you have more meetings?"
She shook her head at him, but her fingers slipped into the opening of his shirt, tapping over his heart. "No."
So...they could go another round...?
"Let me finish this, at least," she chided him. This was why she was the diamond Queen, Gil lamented.
He resigned himself to it, lying back down and closing his eyes again. "Fine, but think of what you want for dinner, since I'm gonna be here."
"Hm."
Yes!--mission succeeded, she would let him stay for dinner. His Ice Queen thought herself so frosty and hard to reach. But he could feel how warm her touch was, lingering on his skin. Her hand was always dancing that line, sometimes allowing her the luxury of touching him, sometimes resisting that closeness. But the desire she had to be close to him assured him that this wasn't so one-sided a love.
"I'll have it delivered, I suppose, since your driver went back to Koreatown."
He tried not to seem like he was grinning. "Guess so."
She poked him in the cheek; he was definitely smiling too much. "So, I will have to drive you home too, is what you're saying."
He didn't mind being transparent for her. He liked offering her that as a gesture of good will. The more easily she could read him, the more she would allow him the same (maybe).
She gifted him with another kiss as a reward, even if she didn't see it that way. "Insufferable man."
And yet she was still here, suffering him all the time. Everyday, at this point. And the only thing he was suffering was love (too much?).
#Ice Queen/Tyrant King AU#pt 1#thank you so much for the ask sweetheart!#I'm so happy people still love these two so much#I love getting to come back and explore more of them#their early days of love#Gil is so down bad so immediately#some might say he was down bad from the moment he laid eyes on her#the man is fantasizing about coming back to life and falling in love with her all over again#while Thena is here like he really doesn't want to leave isn't he bored???#but Gil has always been bored by the 'business' part of the job#he doesn't like being stuck in the office and signing things and having meetings#at least throwing his weight around and making good on threats and keeping other mobs in check#he can get some exercise some excitement#so yeah he'd rather lie around on Thena's office couch#also he comes over#they're all over each other like rabbits#and Thena's like I have a conference call#he's like okay just conks right out on her office couch#and she lets him because she secretly loves him too#she turns down the lights and tells Kingo that if he needs anything just use email#and if it's something they can't leave a paper trail for he may come in and ask her#QUIETLY#Kingo is truly like you guys are so transparent but whatever#and Thena sneaks over and puts Gil's head in her lap because she likes being close to him#she wants to be able to cuddle she does#but she's the Ice Queen so she can't
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fellas the book 7 updateā¦. *crying*
(refer to the tags for my rambling, just to minimize ppl accidentally spoiling themselves)
#sandy blabbles#twst#Book 7 spoilers#dude ace loves his friends sm#His happiness including yuuās own happinessāwhere they get to go back to their home but also still be able to stay in twst; still get to ha#Hang out and be friends. Never having to say goodbye.#I justā¦heart shackle my beloved they could never make me hate you#It really shows how much Ace truly loves his friends and how he doesnāt WANT to part with them; say goodbye and sever his ties with them#Its actually rlly similar to Malleusās whole OB thing; both of them fear the imminent parting of their loved ones#I think itās really noteworthy that Aceās happiness gets predicated on Yuuās happiness FIRST#I think in reality deep down he FOESNT want Yuu to go back home; because itās likely that their way back home is a one way trip.#Itās not like graduating and going back home. In this case Yuu is gone. Period. They existed in TWST in one moment and the next they cease#However he also knows that them staying in TWST would only be painful; they had a life before NRC and to make them say goodbye to that fore#Is something he also doesnāt want to do; the fact that one of the core false memories the dream is built upon is YUUāS HAPPY EXPRESSION at#Crowley finding a way for them back home isā¦*chefās kiss* so ofc the ideal solution for him is to let them travel between worldās; that way#The both of them can be happy; Yuu can go back home but still be with Ace and their friends. Dude Iām just so fucking touchedāAce has#Infamously bad emotional communication yet he cares and loves sm. Yes heās an ass yes heās a jerk yes heās a selfish teen boy; but heās *ou#Asshole. Who will have our back as we do his; who will be happy with as he is with Heartshackle. When you get down to it Ace is sentimental#Whereas Malleusā solution has involved him selfishly restraining the ppl he loves in an effort not to lose them; and ending up alone i#Aceās UM defo coming in Book 7 (or 8; him getting his UM during a confrontation with Malleus would be very fitting)#Itās almost poetic how traitor ace theory is simultaneously torn away but alsoā¦not with his dream.#The fact remains that he cares for Yuu and doesnāt want them to go; those feelings which are core to the theory ARE there. But at the same#Time heās not selfish enough to do that to Yuuā¦sure there IS the question of how he would treat the situation in reality rather than the#Ideal dream but I think that by the end of book 7 any lingering feelings he might have of keeping Yuu in twst; even to their detriment will#Fall in the face of malleus who is emblematic of such desires. Book 7 will end in Ace wholeheartedly working with us to find Yuu a way back#Home. Because if thatās what will bring them happiness; even if itās a happiness Ace will not have been a part of for long or much longer#Then he will do it. Even if parting is painful having the people he loves be in pain for the rest of their lives (ie Yuu being trapped) is#Far far FAR more painful then parting ever could be. Because for as much as Ace bullies and pursues being a cool kid#He will never be able to stop caring and loving his dear friend#(Also couldnāt fit this in but the fact that he was able to be so rational while delululu when resisting waking up is SO on point
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You know, I never really thought when we started working for the very first time in last November, Iād get to meet someone from work who cares about me a lot as they end up meaning so highly much to me.
#š#š§§#Iām still feeling so emotional over todayās interactions with him#he made me lunch and we did puzzle together while he taught me more of the Rubikās cube#he let me borrow his 2x2 to practice more of it but he did told me officially Iāll earn it this Friday for completing the 3x3 cube#also I got frustrated with myself because I kept making mistakes when he had me time myself to solve the cube#but he was constantly reassuring me saying itās okay so many times#he told me I worked really hard today in terms of cube solving and doing the puzzle#which was really nice to hear#I really had no idea what to expect coming to this workplace#I didnāt even think if Iād be able to make any friends here#yet with M itās a whole different experience of establishing and maintaining a personal connection#he cares about me so much and he expresses it in a lot of ways that a colleague wouldnāt really do + say for another#even when I was new working here I think M holds a high care for me yet I didnāt see it#when I thought he was just being the mature wise individual#but I did realize after three months of working with him this January#I still reflect on a lot of things he had done for me and what we did together#Iāll always think back to us building the snowman together in middle February and that was the point when we became truly close#heās just so incredibly kind and supportive to me#and I always get me ;.; whenever I thanked him and heād say itās no problem - sometimes shake his head too#like if his gesture doesnāt mean much but. they do mean everything to me. HE means everything to me#and after everything he did for me and we did together I wouldnāt be surprised if he sees me as one of his kids like I see him as my dad#funnily enough I actually didnāt like him when we first met because of certain playful things he does with our clients that got me like :I#but Iāve grown to get used to his shenanigans as I can see heās a diligent and precise individual#anyways though heās so amazing to me#Iāll always cherish everything that happened from him and between us#as Iāll always appreciate him and all of what he have done#heās just so wonderful I can never say this enough
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where is my fat husband
#stream#iām lonely !!!! i want a man !!!!!!#me: whereās my man#me at the same time: not leaving the house nor dating apps & also is having a mental breakdown everyday while self medicating#also iām 90% sure my meds are starting to fail again ALSKALKSLAKSLAKLSAKLSMAKSKK#ANYWAY#i didnāt even go to gay bars when i was allowed to drink like ššš#itās all a bunch of straight people#thereās no point#like i constantly here old queens going āyoung gays donāt do xyzā or ādonāt know how to xyzā like ok girl its because that shit died like#idk probably before the pandemic truly it was dying but the pandemic was the nail in the coffin like girl ā¦ā¦.. i turned 21 a month into#lockdowns like#ok so i did stuff illegally & went to other shit but it still was straight bars 90% of the time thereās like 6 gay bars in houston total ššš#like idk what they expect like if ā¦ those venues arenāt there & are increasingly AGAINST doing the goofy tings ā¦. how would the YOUNG KNOW#like at this point idk i truly think that itās kinda on the elders at this point ALSKALSKLAKSAKSLAN like yea theyāre boomers at the end of#the day so like iām not saying that they didnāt have it hard they did they did ok but. get over it ? ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLA like alright ā¦ but#iām saying this as someone who knows the history & bullshit like ok yea everyone needs to understand what itās like to have your community#die before ur eyes but at the same time. thereās no community now ? ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLLA like girl ā¦#girl ā¦ā¦.#yall HAD a community but now all that shit is gone & none of us young ppl have any funds to make that ššš#like girl i have 12$ in my bank account i dream of being able to rent a flat at some point like a ONE BEDROOM u know W A LIVING ROOM & yall#own rentals so like this is UP TO YALL ā¦..#like ur the problem ? ššššš#@gays for trump & loghouse republicans iām looking at YALL#a lot of these mfs are liberal too - pro invasion of iraq democrat back the blue bootlickin NIMBA faggots šššš#anyway thatās just me bitching#iāve been so fucking IRRITABLE today
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