#while also truly not being able to say it

[muqingslover]

hiii, can you please share more goofy habits caleb has while sharing a bed with u 💝

[ By popular demand i'm here to share extra thoughts on Caleb's sleeping habits! Kinda of a part two to this, in case you missed! ]

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Oh boy there's so much to unpack here. We all know Caleb has experienced a loooot of bad things and has not worked through them in an actual healthy way at all. He is also a master at hiding it from you, but you can get a glimpse of how damaged he truly is during bedtime.

First of all, you will rarely, if ever, catch him sleeping on an actual bed. Or sleeping at all to be honest. What Caleb does is take power naps whenever he can on his couch at the office or when he's at your place waiting for you to. The one to (partially) blame for this is his chronic insomnia. I like to believe Caleb has always been a very light sleeper and it's only gotten worse throughout the years— The sound of a door opening is enough for him to be wide wake in a matter of seconds. Trust issues anyone?

When he wakes up, if alone, his go-to activity is working out. He'll do push-ups or leave the house for a loooong late night jog, anything that will tire his body out since he's wired up. Then, he takes a freezing cold shower to reboot his system and either starts to work early or sits down to solve some calculus problems to prevent his mind from thinking about anything else since it's 98% of the time never anything good.

To add to that, the main reason as to why his insomnia is so bad is the fact he has nightmares on an almost daily basis. They're often about you in some way and he wakes up panicking about where you are, how you are, if you're with someone else, why you aren't here with him instead and if you plan on leaving him. That's why it's so crucial for Caleb that you stay somewhere he can see you whenever he needs to. Otherwise, his anxiety will gnaw at him until he just shows up unprompted on your front door in the middle of the night.

On the topic of nightmares, next thing on the list is a more...sensitive one: His reactions to nightmares that involves the abuse Caleb himself went through. I say sensitive because this man is a trained soldier and he wakes up in very high alert which, sometimes, means he might hurt you by pure reflex similar to retired war veterans.

The first time you woke up with his hands tightly wrapped around your neck you seriously thought you were a goner. The sound of your voice calling his name was fortunately enough to make him snap out of the haze he was trapped in, believing he was under the threat of the ghosts of his past and had to defend himself before it was him the one who would end up dead. You have always been his anchor, it was not a surprise that you were the only one able to pull him back even in a moment like this.

Regardless if he had been in control or not, Caleb would blame himself until his last day on this world. He wouldn't sleep (Key word being sleep because he will stay in bed with you, he just won't *sleep*) on the same bed as you anymore after this and instead spends his nights on a mattress on the floor next to you. The sight of your bruised neck and the tears in your eyes because of his hands, because of him, only serve as fuel for his nightmares. He doesn't even want to imagine what would've happened if you hadn't been able to speak loudly enough to wake him up.

"Caleb is a big spoon!!" people yell at me and I agree! However! If you want this man to have some peaceful sleep then the only way to achieve that is to have him laying on your chest where he can both listen to your steady heartbeat and feel your warmth as he holds you. Run your fingers through his hair and promise him you'll be right there when he wakes up to soothe his anxieties as much as possible and he might just sleep throughout the entire night.

Moving on to more sweet thoughts so we don't end on a bitter note— He has serious beef with the plushies you own, specifically the ones you hug to sleep. I mean, he's right here? Hello??? Why would you want to hug that fat ass bear of yours. If your plushie goes missing one day through suspicious means don't be sad because you can just cuddle him! He promises he'll behave this time!

Another silly thing is Caleb cannot keep his hands to himself when the two of you are sharing a bed. Literally. His hands have a will of their own and they must be touching you at all times in some way. That also means he will bother you by torturing tickling you non-stop until you're on the verge of tears. He loves the sound of your joyful laughter and how red your face gets while you try to escape the evil tickle monster so I'm afraid there's no way to get him to actually stop.

[thranduel]

if byler isn't endgame...

what was the point of making will in love with mike?

why was will used as a plot device to force mike and el back together and "fix" their relationship issues? (the writers literally took his OWN feelings for mike and his OWN painting for mike that was supposed to be something special between them only and made it all about... el? this is genuinely one of the most cruel, ridiculous and unnecessary writing decisions i've ever seen if it doesn't result in will getting the person he loves)

why did they clearly highlight the contrast between byler and m*leven's relationships all season? how mike makes el feel like a monster for being different vs how he does NOT make will feel like a mistake for being different? how mike and el had the biggest fight after mike apologised vs how mike and will made up and ended up closer than before after mike apologised? how mike and el don't have healthy communication and struggle to understand each other vs how mike and will always have genuine heart-to-heart conversations, understand each other so well and sometimes don't even have to say any words? how mike feels insecure in his relationship with el and has his trauma/feelings invalidated vs how will manages to always make him feel special, confident and gives him strength when he's struggling and needs help?

why are there so many parallels and similarities between will and el as individual characters AND also their relationships with mike?

why is mike's relationship with will different from all his other platonic friends? (and don't just say "because will is in love with him", because in some scenes, MIKE is the one who initiates things and goes out of his way for will. which reminds me, you know how everyone says mike does so many romantic things for el? like not giving up on her when she's missing, taking care of her, being protective over her, etc.? he actually did all of those things for will first)

why did mike vent to will about his fight with el (the fight he claims they "can't come back from") without directly saying what the fight was about? all he said was "maybe i should've said something... and if i would've said that thing, then maybe she'd want me there with her." so... you're venting to your friend and you can't even specify that your big fight was about not being able to say "i love you"? why was it kept so secretive if you truly love her and it's no big deal? you've said you love her in front of a group of people before anyways, even when will was there, so why can't you even say the words to him while venting?

why did mike vent to will (again) and say that if he would've explained himself to el, maybe she would've taken him with her? will says he thinks it's scary to open up like that, to say how you really feel, but shouldn't mike and el already know how they both feel about each other at this point? el heard mike say he loved her in season 3, and at the end of the same season, she said "i love you too" before kissing him. they have kissed a lot, sent letters to each other and do lovey dovey things, which should make their feelings quite clear?????

and what was the point of this line from will?

"because... what if... what if they don't like the truth?"

we're supposed to be talking about el here. sure, will was subtly speaking about himself, and we know that as the audience. but mike doesn't. this conversation is about el, so mike still thinks will is talking about her. why on earth would he NOD after will says the part about how she might not like the truth? mike knows that "the truth" she WANTS to hear is "i love you", so why wouldn't she like the truth? why did mike nod at what will said and why did he agree with him? what is actually even happening in this scene??????????????

why did they make all the canon couples stand together in the final shot of season 4, with mike and will standing together too?

what was the point of ANY of this if they weren't planning on making byler endgame?!?!?!?!?!

[iamhereinthebg]

Heya Anon! (I speedran this doodle because I got emotionnal)

I see the vision, I used to be insane about the possiblity of a Teru and Nene's friendship, they would be so so funny together :DD

I also like the idea of Teru needing a friend who is more.. chill ? Nene judges him a lot for random stuff in canon but it's really not the same as Akane or Aoi who are just 'this guy is truly insane ._.' (and good for them tbh love them a lot) And she still goes sparkly eyes for him sometimes even when he says the most insane things and I like that sm

(in french he says: "And well, I am the embodiment/personification of beauty" I find it wonderful either way)

And Nene having someone who could teach her stuff about the supernatural world while judging her hard af for how she acts around them sometimes would be a really funny dynamic too. None of them would have chill with the other but I think this is why it could be so good. And Teru would be overjoyed to teach her stuff (in the hope she would destroy Hanako, this is the true motivation)

They truly would be a no braincells duo

(an old doodle I still love a lot this guy is a disaster at handling people showing emotions in front of him)

And they do care for each other in canon , their teamup for the new timeline was really cute :DD

(I am just sad we didn't have much but lol I won't talk about the disappointement that this arc is for me :'))

I agree that they would watch random stuff together especially because Teru doesn't have much knowledges in that and Nene may have... too much. I truly think they could be great friends (and Nene has the patience of a saint have you seen her with Mitsuba or even Hanako? ToT She would be able to handle Teru)

I used to be obsessed with the Survivor quartet as I call them (Akane, Nene, Teru and Kou) and I have a tag for them #survivorquartet with random doodles/hcs if you need more stuff :DD (most are really old so some of my opinion has changed izvkdvd)

Little comic I did of them that I still love a lot, help this poor girl she needs it

And don't be ashamed to post if you want to, I am sure you're not the only one liking this friendship :DD Especially since you're talking about a fic! This means others people like it too! (and even if that wasn't the case, be free Anon this is honestly how you can have the most fun in a fandom, my main metaphor is the sandbox in a corner doing whatever and sometimes some people go to talk with you, this is the funniest part of being in a fandom for me :))

And if you're bothered about the ship you can just say in the tags that it's platonic. That's something I did once and most people respected to not tag it with the ship name ^^ Fandom and posting are supposed to be fun so you shouldn't feel pressured by it but I understand if you're scared/don't know if you wanna post, take your time :))) I believe in youuuu

I hope you have a great day Anon and thanks for the ask it made me happy to retalk about them :DD

[cheerforrevenge]

I support Hua Cheng's right not to trust them and to be not the most kind to them. That's understandable, especially since he watched all of Xie Lian's suffering and knows what he went through without them. He never turned away and he watched them abandon him when he needed them most.

However, I don't truly blame either of them for leaving, nor do I think it would have changed much if they had stayed. He was in a downward spiral and, in the end, he was shoving Feng Xin out the door. While he could have refused to leave, he was also suffering. Maybe not in the same ways, but he was dealing with the fallout of Jian Lan, not being able to give her the life he wanted. I believe she'd also cut things off with him at that point. Now he was being pushed away by the one he (I agree with you) put on a pedestal, who was acting less and less like "himself" (acting outside of the perfect prince he saw him as).

For Mu Qing, I think bringing the supplies was a way to show he hadn't fully left them. He was offering help, and also maybe a peace offering to try to fix the damage done when he chose to leave (to support his mother, which is also a duty he also had. It was a hard choice I'm sure). Still, I understand why it was taken as a slight and an insult. It just further added salt to the wounds, and no one was being rational in those times.

On top of this, the ways both Feng Xin and Mu Qing treated Xie Lian after all of this was unkind and there were snide remarks and just... after everything they had been through, everything they had been. After everything they had seen him go through, there was seemingly no effort to mend bridges until the events of the story took place.

Ultimately, though, I think Hua Cheng fails to see the perspective of Mu Qing or Feng Xing. They aren't part of what he cares about and so he doesn't care to consider their side, either. His priority is, and always has been, Xie Lian. I'm not saying they're entirely free of any of his derision, I just think they're not entirely to blame either. They made the choices they felt were best at the time, and Xie Lian made his. Now, for them to be utterly against Hua Cheng being near Xie Lian is something I have to sort of laugh about. It's a funny time to pick to be protective. Throughout the series, Hua Cheng never shows any ill will towards Xie Lian. At first, I could see them feeling that way and I could even see continued suspicion, but they are so resistant to his presence that it is laughable after all this time. However, I think they still care about him regardless of whether they had shown it, or acted on it over the years.

All of this to say, there was harm done on all sides. Horrendous things occurred, tremendous losses. Xie Lian lost his way and almost became something so antithetical to who he wanted to be and what he wanted to stand for in the process. Mu Qing and Feng Xin also experienced the horrors and I can't fault them for feeling they needed to go. I don't think there were any easy answers or choices in those times. The actions, equally, have been done.

I think my main takeaway is that this was centuries of hurt, suffering, loss, pain and lack of communication. Hurt people hurt people. Just as Xie Lian is a flawed person, so are Feng Xin, Mu Qing and Hua Cheng.

As much as I love Mu Qing and Feng Xin I will always side with Hua Cheng having beef with them.

After everything Hua Cheng saw Xie Lian go through, and go through alone he can't help but feel spiteful towards them. They were allowed and capable of being there for him and they weren't. He saw Xie Lian who gave all of himself to try to save his own kingdom and even the people of Yong'an and get nothing but hatred and abandonment in return.

Was Mu Qing wrong for leaving? No he wasn't. But I still stand on what he did afterwards was so foul. He was so caught up in his head that he neglected to even give Xie Lian basic respect but standing up for him in a situation Xie Lian really needed him to. Then to show up with supplies afterwards? You would think that Mu Qing would realize how insulting that is given he takes a lot of things as a slight even when it isn't the case. He just doesn't put up walls, his barriers are spiked with poisonous barbs.

And Feng Xin is on the opposite side. He put Xie Lian on a pedestal, yes, but he couldn't handle the ugly side of Xie Lian. He could only see the good and righteous and forgot that Xie Lian is still a flawed human. Would he have stayed if he was still around when Xie Lian crashed out? It's up in the air really.

If I was Hua Cheng I would be angry with them too. Especially when they try to keep Xie Lian from Hua Cheng. Like now you're protective?

Where were they when he was held down stabbed 100 times?

Where were they when his parents committed suicide?

Where were they when he almost unleashed another plaque of human face disease?

Where were they when he laid in that hole?

And now they want to keep him from the one person who was there? Who witnessed it all and still loves him despite it all, accepted all of him?

I will conced that yes, they didn't ask Xie Lian to do all he did for them. They weren't obligated to repay that in any measure. But I believe they do still owe him respect and to respect his choices and even then they still don't.

Idk these thoughts have been floating around in my mind for awhile. Like I want Mu Qing and Feng Xin to learn to be better and strengthen their relationship with Xie Lian, because of course they care about him.

[stelyost]

broken promises

I'm always grateful and humbled for those who are still interested and looking out for my work, characters, despite being fragmented + incomplete stories. It's something I never take for granted, especially given my wavering activity over the last decade. in recent years, I had loosely spoken about possible promises towards varied project commitments or releases (whether it was my comics, ESCkey, Division 0, or my UTAU voicebanks, or potential other things? I tend to not have the best memory of what I say, BUT I'm quite cognizant of the fact that I've promised things and did not follow up. )

At the time, those statements were said largely with the hope that they’d push me forward and finish things; because someone out there is waiting for it.

however, that largely backfired and transformed into empty promises. It is something I'm truly not proud of, because I want to be a man of my word, and I simply haven't been. Failing to do so has weighed on me and had made things worse.

Truth is, I barely had the capacity to create. I grappled with health issues for several years - not just physical, but my mental health was in far worse straits than I had even realized.

I was going through a massive, layered amount of burnout from a mix of work and the impact of several major life events, and I had no realization of the full extent of how bad it was until I truly healed from it. Extenuating life events have piled up like a massive intersection multi-car wreck, compounding more and more damage.

While I had rationally acknowledged that they deeply impacted me, I didn't allow myself the proper space to step away and take a hiatus, thinking I still had to "perform" and put myself out there for fans. I thought forcing myself to do my personal works would make me happy, but I wasn't happy.

I was truthfully hating most of the things I drew or made, and everything felt like a chore. I was always dragging my feet to create. The stuff I was able to put out over recent years was an uphill, excruciating battle. I was struggling within the process of my own work. I didn't genuinely like a lot of the stuff I was producing.

Over the past few years, I've put in a significant amount of work to recover, get various avenues of professional help/treatment, and rebuild myself.

I had a ton of personal realizations about myself that built up over time, and recently, significant creative revelations. Recently, (actually just last month) I also overcame a significant blockage of my own that had originally sucked all the joy out of drawing for me. After that, I actually now love to draw again. It feels effortless and light and fun now, like it was for me in the past.

I had not felt that in so long.

I’m in a better place now. A far better place. I’ve been working silently and diligently through things, and for the first time in a long, long time, I feel lighter, clear-headed, and above all else, genuinely happy. These words don't come lightly.

For anyone who happens to read this and still looks out for my work, I am very grateful for your support and interest, even when I faltered. I will far more be careful with the words I say, and hopefully, there will really be more content soon.

[sophiadatomato]

So yeah, I actually did as I threatened and wrote fanfiction. The idea for the thing come from @balrogballs (i asked before using it of course) and yeah, I really don't know what this is, and I also haven't gotten a haircut myself in a couple of years but here we go 🙃🙃🙃

The Haircut

Silver hairclips, set with diamonds were glittering in the sun. Midday was approaching, and under normal circumstances, their assigned place would have been Lord Elrond`s hair, but today was the one day in every century on which they were instead laid out on a table in front of said Lord Elrond, for today was the day he would receive his haircut.

This day, according to Elrond was the worst day imaginable. After a childhood of provisional bowlcuts and comparatively slow hairgrowth, Elrond had told himself that if anyone were to touch his hair with sharp objects again, it would be Elrond himself.

What he did not anticipate was, that Lady Galadriel (very scary!) would become his mother-in-law. While she had been very supportive of his relationship with her daughter, his unwillingness to even trim his hair greatly unnerved her, especially after there had not been much time for hair care during the war. After he then announced that he himself would cut his hair for the wedding during the engagement party, she stared him down so thouroughly that he had finally submitted and got a professional haircut the very next day. While this had appeased the very intimidating Lady Galadriel, Elrond felt severely humiliated, both by once again being forced to submit the dreaded haircut, even if there was no bowl involved this time, and the new, way too short length his hair was at now. For about a third of the adornments he had previously worn in his hair he now didn’t have space anymore, so only a singular butterfly graced his hair.

To avoid drawing Galadriel’s infamous wrath onto himself, he then got a haircut once a century, under the condition that no bowl would be involved, and that nobody would try to make him get bangs, and today it was due once again.

So now he sat in front of a mirror, all his hairclip glittering in front of him, and getting his hair brushed out by his hairdresser.

“Lord Elrond, if you truly want to avoid getting more hair damage, you will have to stop tying the end of your hair into knots every day, and maybe try more protective hairstyles. To remove all the dead ends, I’ll have to cut off at least three inches“

Elrond, who had been raised to be a sensible person, knew this to be more than seven centimetres and paled. A regular elf would be able to regrow their hair within a couple of weeks, an eyeblink in a neverending life, but Elrond’s hair would take at least twelve antagonising months, in which the “glittering disgrace“ (dubbed this by Elladan) in his hair would have to be reduced to a minimum.

Still, Elrond nodded, if only to avoid angering mother-in-law. After getting snapped at for making simple smalltalk during a haircut once a century, the hairdresser was luckily quiet. The only thing audible were the scissors carefully cutting the Elf-Lords hair, and the thin ends lightly falling to the ground.

“You will see, My Lord, the hair will truly look much better when it’s not breaking off at the ends anymore“ the hairdresser promised, apparently not having learned their lesson about keeping quiet as well as Elrond had originally thought. Elrond did not say anything, for he already knew how he would feel about his haircut. When the last strand of hair fell to the ground, Elrond knew it was time to look into the mirror. While assessing the damage, he felt tears welling up in his eyes, but the. Lord of Imladris knew better then to cry because of hair that would eventually grow back anyways.

Swallowing heavily, he turned to look at the hairdresser and told them: „I should have trusted you immediately, my hair does, of course, look much better now than it did before.“

Quickly, he turned away, so the hairdresser would see neither the lie nor the tears in his eyes. Blindly he reached for his hairclips and pinned them into his hair as quickly as possible before cramming the remaining pins into the pockets of his robe. While thanking the hairdresser, he stumbled towards the exit, his eyes still foggy with tears, for he knew that his next haircut would already be approaching by the time his hair had reached it’s original length again.

[chukisser]

personally if someone isn't distressed entirely by their disorder, its not my problem.

which, yeah, is entirely hypocritical, in a way, considered ive said the complete opposite on a past account, and it does make me incredibly jealous to see people live with dissociative disorders and still be happy; but it's not truly my problem in the grand scheme of things.

my own personal experience is that i find absolutely zero joy in any part of DID. most of our alters hate each other, our dissociation causes migraines so bad we pass out, not to mention the seizures, and also the fainting, and the loss of time, and the fact i dont know my own name 90% of the time, and the flashbacks, oh my god don't even get me started on the flashbacks. literally everything about this disorder makes me want to jump into an ocean.

BUT; that doesn't mean people who are able to find joy in their life while living with a disorder, or people who aren't distressed by having certain aspects of it, are faking, or they're mistaking DID/OSDD for something else, or whatever.

something else i have is ADHD. i was diagnosed when i was about eleven and put on adderall. i admit, my ADHD really does ruin aspects of my life, especially in social and educational spaces, but there's a very few little things in there that i think are kinda rad. one of those being i am INCREDIBLY passionate about my interests due to ADHD, one of the things i love the most about myself is my passion about the things i love. i could rant for hours about banana fish, minecraft youtube, genshin, psychology, project sekai, literally any of my interests; and that passion, i feel, comes almost entirely from my ADHD. does this mean that I don't have ADHD anymore because I'm not distressed by one thing? no. the same goes for any disorder.

people are allowed to not be distressed by aspects of a disorder. that is, quite literally, a part of recovery, especially with disorders like OSDD/DID.

there's people like me, who are hurting constantly and just aren't in the right space to make recovery, therefore they are distressed by every aspect of their dissociative disorder. but there's also people that aren't like me, that have been able to truly figure things out and learn to manage their dissociative disorder and find the best in their living situation. and that's fine.

a lot of these posts about "you need to be distressed by all aspects of DID/OSDD to have it" come from hurt people. and that's fine; you can ask anyone in syscourse and they'll be able to tell you about the shitty and insane things ive said to people because of my own unstable, unhealed mind. it's alright to say bad things sometimes; nobody is truly 100% right all the time. but, know that one day, all of us will (hopefully) be those systems who are able to find some sort of happiness and contentment in our disorder. or, non-disorder, if you don't use the label of DID/OSDD. whatever you're fine with :-)

[gayofthefae]

Just thinking about the miscommunicated needs between Will and Mike in season 4. 

Mike was sharing his burden: his guilt, his torn-ness, his shame, his anxiety of a situation that he communicated himself as unchangeable. In his words, something you “can’t come back from”. He was seeking to cope by processing verbally the fact and consequences of him not being able to say “I love you” to El. We hear him say “if only” statements a few times. That’s a part of processing grief - something that has passed. He wishes he could have, but he doesn’t view the situation as something that can be saved by now. If only he were a person who could.

But Will thought he just couldn’t say it but wanted help communicating it. Will thought he needed advice. Will thought he needed a push.

And they were so close to being on the same page. Enough so that Mike thought they were for a long time. “You know, if you keep staring at that, it’s not gonna change” later answered with “It just felt like a fight we can’t come back from”. Same page, right? “You can tell her then” maybe not. “Sometimes it’s scary to tell people how you really feel, especially the ones you care about the most, because what if they don’t like the truth?” Same page, right? I mean, he said what if they don’t like the truth. If that isn’t the same page, I don’t know what is. And he is nodding. And he looks like he might even be about to say something. So later, he does. He confides about how he feels like he isn’t enough and he feels like El is so above him and he feels guilty that he can’t say he loves her but he doesn’t want to lose her over it and “You don’t want to lose her” Same page! For sure, right?

But not because what’s the next thing Mike hears but “You have to tell her, she’ll break down if you don’t tell her you love her, she told me herself. She loves you so much she had me make you this to represent how much she missed you. You REALLY need to tell her.” not on the same page.

So he tries to tell her, because the stakes are much higher than he thought. If he doesn’t tell her he loves her, she’ll feel like a mistake. And this is a short term solution to be delt with more long term later. But he’s interrupted by Argyle. And then he wants to save her and he’s losing her RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM to VECNA and Will suggests it “You’re the heart”. And if the lack of his love made her feel a like a mistake, maybe the presence can help her too. So he says all the true things about how he doesn’t want to lose her. And he makes sure to say the phrase too. Lord knows if she heard it. Lord knows if it helped. But it’s better than nothing.

Oh, the consequences of a miscommunication.

[a2zillustration]

My BG3 run is quickly devolving into a messy dating sim (sorry)

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[sukugo]

Do you think gojo makes those freaky ass feral expressions while getting dicked down?

YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSS RAAAAAAAAAHHHH THIS IS SOMETHIGN IM PASSIONATE ABOUT OKAY!!!!!!! YES HE DOES

like, pleasure looks such a specific way on satoru. we can see it in the tojigo fight, the hanami/jogo fight and the sukugo fight. they're the only moments where we truly get to see raw pleasure on him and it's that. eyes popping out and manic grin and laughter bubbling in his torso and body charged, and mannerisms especially crude.

there's something so animalistic about it, his "human" mask slipping from him and showing him in all his monstrous glory, unfiltered and raw and like the freak of nature he truly is

and it's exactly the same thing when it comes to sex. it's all pleasure after all.

[guayabana]

just wanna say that i pegged from the start that melinoe was not quite the sickly sweet sad waif in need of protection from people being mean to her that people were portraying her as for a while in the beginning & while now some people seem to be swinging too hard in the direction of treating her like she's the worst person ever im at least glad people have caught on to the fact that she's a bit of a bitch. like justice for my girl nemesis mel IS a mean witch

[rosykims]

having a lavellan who is kind of an absolute demon in her own right is so much fun because sure that cut content of "oh solas didnt deserve a happy ending but lavellan did" is lovely and worth centering in the conversation.... but you know what else hits? "oh my god i dont even care anymore" "if this is what it takes for them to both fucking LEAVE thedas then good riddance"

[langfield]

ngl i do find rewrites of double exposure vastly intriguing ( and want to do one myself ) but the moment people make a huge point of removing amanda and vinh as love interests i immediately lose steam lol. where’s your whimsy … every lis game has romance and max is not some sort of nun character, who is known for putting her feelings aside for the sake of a case. after all, while the world as she knows it is ending, max writes this in her journal about warren and chloe :

like!! she would kiss amanda and vinh!! she would!! max is impulsive and feels things for the people she cares for very, very strongly and i feel like erasing her canon love interests in a genuine rewrite of the game is sort of a null point. no, max wouldn’t think through the logistics of kissing two people while investigating the murder of her best friend. no, max wouldn’t abstain from indulging herself in something she genuinely wants just because she’s sad or busy. idk. double exposure desperately needs a rewrite but the second you write max as someone who’s ‘above’ love affairs i shake my head in disagreement. there’s a difference between including love interests and then allowing the player to have max not romance anyone versus forcing her and the player to not romance anyone at all.

[softquietsteadylove]

[ice queen and tyrant king AU]

thena using Gil and his tattoos as a coloring book after she finds some skin safe markers. I feel like in this au thena would secretly really enjoy physical touch and she would really like when Gil holds her. I also feel like this is the first step for her becoming more vulnerable to Gil as a whole, kind of letting her guard down more that before ❤️ so can I request that this be part one and her admitting that she likes it when Gil holds her be part two?

lots of love! Your writing is truly amazing!

The Tyrant King never used to consider himself a heavy sleeper. A sleeper, sure, maybe even the occasional nap after watching the races and having a few beer. But he was never the type to have a nap just because.

But now...well, Thena's office couch was becoming awfully familiar to him.

They'd had one of their 'meetings'. He had come over to her office, gotten dropped off, waited for her to finish with a real meeting. Then they were on each other. She was bossy, as always (hot). She grabbed him, kissed him, climbed on top of him like he was her property (yes ma'am).

They had worn each other out, heavily sated after the fact. But she had more work to do while he had cleared his schedule for the afternoon. He had done so specifically in hopes that he might squeeze in some more time with her afterward.

Which he wasn't supposed to do.

He was well aware Thena looked at their arrangement with the sterile, clinical eye of a business woman. She fit him into her day the way she would fit in an appointment for a massage. And he was supposed to view it the same way. A situationship at best, as the kids would say--a bootycall, as he considered it.

And maybe it would be easier to think of it that way if she weren't so perfect for him. His heart leapt at the thought of her calling or texting him. Even a business email thinly veiling an invitation to come over. He was excited for it; everyday held new potential for her to call upon him again. Maybe he should feel used, he thought at one time.

But every time they were together, he knew she felt it too. She didn't want to, that was for damn sure. His Ice Queen approached her own feelings the same way she approached an overly friendly business arrangement; ignore it, and hope it just leaves of its own accord.

But when they kissed, he knew she reciprocated genuinely. His hands on her felt just as good to her--just as natural. He could just...tell. And when they made love, he knew she felt everything he was feeling. It was too good, too mind blowing, too addictive to not be true.

If only he could get her to see it that way.

His Ice Queen was a guarded woman. He couldn't begrudge her that. She had her reasons for keeping herself closely protected. He knew she kept a tight circle of friends in the Poison Princess and the Lightning Thief, she might have even been on friendly terms with Ajak. But she wasn't a social creature. Letting him into her world was a risk.

The squeak of a highlighter burrowed into his ear and he whined in complaint. He could hear her light, purring laughter (the vixen). He attempted to turn onto his side and bury his face in her dress, but she kept him on his back, his head in her lap.

If she didn't want him to fall in love with her, she could have just sent him away. But instead she let him sleep on her office couch after wearing himself out. Sometimes she would even pick up his head and let it rest in her lap while she was working. Like now.

He cracked an eye open, still feigning some sleep as he stole a peek. She was looking at some documents, highlighting on occasion, and then the highlighter would drift away as she continued reading.

There was a tickle on his skin, and he realised the highlighter was dotting and dragging against his arm. He could have thought it was something she was doing absentmindedly, her hand doing one thing while her mind focused on another.

But she was working on specific areas. She would highlight a line and then her right hand would drag the highlighter down the lines of one of the dragons slithering up his arm. She would highlight another number and then she would dot its eyes in with neon green.

Maybe he would tell her not to if it wasn't kinda cute.

He didn't always get to see his Ice Queen unguarded. It was a good sign that she was relaxed enough to let him lounge with her like this at all. And to see her working, going over her numbers, in her element--he wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

Thena examined another line on the page. She squinted at it a little. Maybe it was because of what it said. Or maybe she would need glasses. The thought of an older Thena, glasses and more-silver-than-blonde hair entered his mind and only made him more smitten. Not that she wouldn't fucking kill him for thinking such things.

Another line of colour got added to his dragon tattoo. And he really couldn't bring himself to mind it. She could scribble all over him if it meant he got to stay, got to gaze up at her adoringly, maybe even got to convince her to have dinner with him?

"I know you're awake, Gilgamesh."

He sighed, giving up on his charade but not moving from his spot. "I thought I was doing a pretty good job."

She glanced away from her work sparingly. But she had a faintly amused smile on those amazing lips. "It was truly awful, I'm afraid. Your breathing changes so steeply when you're awake."

He pouted faintly, but so long as he was poised the way he was, he was able to look up at Thena. The lights flush with her office ceiling were set low, shining down on them with mercy. They caught in the diamonds on her ear cuff and her other earrings, and in the comb securing some of her hair out of her face.

She sparkled, his Ice Queen.

Thena set aside the papers and really smiled at him. "Sleep well?"

He grinned up at her. Her hand was resisting the urge to trail over him affectionately, hovering over him but not making contact. "Damn well. You sure you don't wanna join me, Princess?"

She puffed out a laugh. "Some of us have businesses to run."

"Hey, I do great business," he protested, just to see her lips upturned in amusement. "And my very capable underlings are running it as we speak."

"Hm," she sufficed to say, looking at her figures again.

Gil shimmied on top of her thigh. She frowned down at him for jostling her but he dragged his other arm out from the crack of the couch to lie over his front. His shirt was still deeply unbuttoned from their earlier activities, and he had rolled his sleeves up before dozing off. "You should get this one, too."

Thena actually looked a little sheepish, her earlier idle activity being caught and reflected upon. But seeing his eagerness, she sighed. She obliged him, positioning his other arm for herself. "I would have thought colour of this degree didn't suit you, Tyrant."

He didn't care if she wanted to use a pink highlighter and colour in every tattoo on his body. Okay, maybe he was getting carried away. But that was just the effect this woman had on him.

Thena started with dotting in the eyes of his other dragon to match, then adding some scales to it. "You could always return to your own office."

Some might have taken that as an open invitation to leave. But he knew his Ice Queen better than that. She was asking if he wanted to go home rather than let her scribble on him. Her day demanded more of her, and maybe the prize of the end of the day with her wasn't enough for him to stick around for two more hours.

But he was happy as a clam. In truth, she could have called him over in the morning and ignored him for the rest of the day. He could chill in her office, play around on his phone, whatever. It would still be preferable to moping around in his own office daydreaming about her.

"I'm happy here," he told her with the utmost honesty. Thena valued honesty; some might say that was why she was always so direct herself.

Her smile softened and he caught that shy twinkle in her eye; the part of her that always seemed a little embarrassed at being caught feeling happiness. What a sin for his poor Ice Queen.

"Are you?" he dared to ask, even knowing it could get him in trouble. She finished the layer of cloud she was working on before looking at him again. She raised a brow. "Happy?"

Her mask was flawless, but he could see a little Thena behind it, battling it out with the Ice Queen's shield. "Do not ask me such things, Tyrant."

Says the woman with his head in her lap, he couldn't help but think. But the longer he waited, the less Thena could resist. She coloured in another twist of fog before setting her papers aside. His eyes slid closed as she leaned down, craning her neck to kiss him.

This was what he was talking about; when they kissed, he knew she was the woman for him. Like they were made for each other. If he died on the job the very next day he'd come back for her. Maybe as a ghost, maybe he'd get reincarnated into some other shmuck's body. Maybe he'd come back as a cat, or a stray dog she would take pity on.

And he would love her just as much - probably even more - in that life, and in any he had with her.

Okay, he was definitely letting himself get carried away.

He rose slightly, trying to follow her lips with his. But she pushed him back to lie down. He pouted at her. "Come on, Ice. Do you have more meetings?"

She shook her head at him, but her fingers slipped into the opening of his shirt, tapping over his heart. "No."

So...they could go another round...?

"Let me finish this, at least," she chided him. This was why she was the diamond Queen, Gil lamented.

He resigned himself to it, lying back down and closing his eyes again. "Fine, but think of what you want for dinner, since I'm gonna be here."

"Hm."

Yes!--mission succeeded, she would let him stay for dinner. His Ice Queen thought herself so frosty and hard to reach. But he could feel how warm her touch was, lingering on his skin. Her hand was always dancing that line, sometimes allowing her the luxury of touching him, sometimes resisting that closeness. But the desire she had to be close to him assured him that this wasn't so one-sided a love.

"I'll have it delivered, I suppose, since your driver went back to Koreatown."

He tried not to seem like he was grinning. "Guess so."

She poked him in the cheek; he was definitely smiling too much. "So, I will have to drive you home too, is what you're saying."

He didn't mind being transparent for her. He liked offering her that as a gesture of good will. The more easily she could read him, the more she would allow him the same (maybe).

She gifted him with another kiss as a reward, even if she didn't see it that way. "Insufferable man."

And yet she was still here, suffering him all the time. Everyday, at this point. And the only thing he was suffering was love (too much?).

[sandycookie]

fellas the book 7 update…. *crying*

(refer to the tags for my rambling, just to minimize ppl accidentally spoiling themselves)

[werewolfdog]

You know, I never really thought when we started working for the very first time in last November, I’d get to meet someone from work who cares about me a lot as they end up meaning so highly much to me.