#while I was typing this the main character got into a shootout with another person and IMMEDIATLY making out with her

[xeneric-shrooms]

I've started watching some strange movie from 1997 and I have no fucking idea what is going on, I am not going to search up anything

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

Hypothetical plot outline for season 1 of Hulu’s Ghost Rider series

Before we start, here is our main cast:

1) Gabriel Luna as Robbie Reyes / Ghost Rider

2) Lorenzo James Henrie as Gabe Reyes, Robbie’s younger brother

3) Jose Zuniga as Eli Morrow, Robbie’s uncle and the main antagonist of the season

4) Jessica Parker Kennedy as Lisa Gardner, a detective and Robbie’s main love interest (at least as of season 1)

5) Derek Mio as Kenshiro “Zero” Cochrane, a hacker who befriends Robbie and eventually becomes his go-to tech guy (the “Cisco Ramon” of the show)

6) Josh Segarra as Hamilton Slade, a college professor who is dating Lisa Gardner, thinks Ghost Rider is a menace

7) Becky G as Alejandra Jones / All-New Ghost Rider, a woman whose soul becomes bonded to Eli’s after making a deal with him 

8) Malese Jow as Sister Sara Yang / The Caretaker, a warrior nun who reluctantly joins forces with Robbie in order to battle the supernatural 

Now, the episodes. Since this is the first season and Marvel might consider costs in making the series, I thought that 10 episodes would be a reasonable amount.

Episode 1: Still Angry

* A plot: Introduction to all the main characters. Robbie is a loner who helps a local church during the day and goes out as Ghost Rider at night. The opening scene is of Robbie destroying a local gang. Gabe Reyes is going to a nearby college, which is the real reason why Robbie moved to Texas. Lisa and Hamilton also volunteer at Robbie’s church, which is how Robbie develops a crush on her, despite her being in a relationship. Hamilton is friendly to Robbie but you can also tells he’s the “jealous / possessive boyfriend” type.  

* B plot: Sister Sara Yang, also known as “The Caretaker”, arrives in Texas with the mission to capture the Ghost Rider for the Catholic Church. She recruits Rising Tide hacktavist Kenshiro “Zero” Cochrane by blackmailing him (“if you don’t help me, I’ll report all your cybercrimes”). 

* C plot: Alejandra Jones is trying to cross the border from Mexico to the USA in order to find her long-lost father. In the episode stinger, we learn that she’s being stalked by a ghost, who we’ll learn later on is Eli Morrow.  

* The climax of the episode is Sister Sara confronting the Ghost Rider. The two fight and Robbie easily defeats her. Instead of killing her, Robbie spares her when he realizes she’s not evil. Sara asks why and Robbie just tells her to leave and never come back. 

Episode 2: A Good Man 

* A plot: Robbie tries to go back to his normal routine but is confronted by Sister Sara and Kenshiro. Gabe, who is fully aware of his brother’s nightly activities, tries to convince them that Robbie is a good man but Sara is unconvinced. Sara says Robbie needs to prove to her that he’s a good man or else he will have to come back with her to the Vatican City. Robbie proves he’s on her side by taking down a gang of human traffickers and saving all the people they captured. All the people who Robbie saved bless him, calling him an “angel of vengeance”. Sara and Kenshiro leave, with Sara’s faith shaken and unsure of continuing her mission.

* B plot: Lisa and Hamilton go on a date where they discuss the Ghost Rider. Hamilton hates the man but Lisa thinks he’s a hero. Lisa tries to pry into Hamilton’s past and he tells her bits and pieces but stops short of going into his “family legacy”. Curious, Lisa asks and Hamilton rudely tells her to “stop digging”. 

* C plot: Alejandra tries crossing the border but the cartel suspect her of wrongdoing (she was framed by another person). The cartel kill her on the spot, leading to her making a deal with Eli Morrow. Episode ends with her becoming the second Ghost Rider. 

Episode 3: The Other Rider 

* A plot: While patrolling one night, Robbie hears about a horrifying incident on the other side of the border. A Ghost Rider-like monster led a massacre of a cartel, leaving barely any survivors. As he investigates, he comes across Lisa, who is also on patrol that night, and Sara, who was investigating on her own. Survivors of the cartel attack the three of them, with the cartel shooters wanting payback. Robbie, Sara, and Lisa fight them off and Robbie drives all of them away to safety. Robbie drops Lisa back at the police station and drives away with Sara. Robbie tells Sara he wasn’t responsible for the massacre and Sara believes him. 

* B plot: Gabe is at college, where he meets Kenshiro. They mostly have a humorous subplot, with Kenshiro trying to befriend Gabe since he has no friends in the area and that Sister Sara told him to get close to the Ghost Rider’s family. We learn more about Kenshiro and Gabe’s backstories. We also learn that Hamilton Slade is one of Gabe’s professors but is unaware that Gabe’s brother is the Ghost Rider. 

* C plot: Alejandra wakes up in the middle of the road, not sure of what she did. Her plot is mostly just learning that she’s now bonded to the soul of Eli Morrow and that he has some control over her. She gets into a fight with some truckers and accidentally kills them due to Eli’s influence. 

Episode 4: The Big Man from Down Below 

* A plot: This episode is mainly backstory. Robbie and Sara make it back to Robbie’s church, where they discuss last night’s events. As they come up with a plan to track down the second Ghost Rider, we go into some flashbacks which explains what Robbie has been doing since AOS season 4 without actually referencing AOS. Flashbacks include him taking the Darkhold to some unknown hell dimension, a fight scene with some gang that he wipes out, dealing with his dark legacy, and meeting Mephisto for the first time (who says Robbie’s soul is damned). At the end of the episode, Robbie and Sara decide to officially team up since they have the same goal of catching this other Ghost Rider. With Gabe and Kenshiro, the four of them form “Team Ghost Rider”.

* B plot: Similar to Robbie’s plot this episode, we go into Eli Morrow’s backstory. Alejandra learns, from Eli, that he was turned into a Spirit of Vengeance by Mephisto. When Alejandra asks why, Eli chooses not to tell her. We learn that all Spirits of Vengeance have similar stories to his, implying that Robbie’s Spirit of Vengeance became that way because of a deal with Mephisto. We see Alejandra become the All-New Ghost Rider at the end of the episode and she steals someone’s motorcycle. 

* C plot: Lisa tries to explain to her superiors what happened last night. Her superiors tell her that Ghost Rider killed a bunch of people on the other side of the border but she’s convinced that Robbie wasn’t responsible. Hamilton also tries to tell her she’s wrong, leading to their first fight.

* End episode stinger: Alejandra/Eli opens up a portal to an unknown dimension and a group of demons come out. Alejandra/Eli says, “Welcome to Earth”, ending the episode. 

Episode 5: Hell Hath No Fury 

* Main plot: Robbie, Sara, Kenshiro, and Gabe start investigating the second Ghost Rider while also trying to dodge Lisa, who tells them that GR is wanted for the massacre. She’s part of the investigation but it’s clear she thinks GR is innocent. The investigation leads them to a survivor, who Robbie tracks down. The survivor, who turns out to be the person who framed Alejandra and got her killed, says that Alejandra was murdered by the cartel, then the Ghost Rider showed up and killed everyone. The team finds out that Alejandra’s body was not among the dead. Sensing the dark aura in the area, Robbie puts the pieces together and realizes Alejandra made a deal with the devil. When Sara asks how does he know, he gives her a look that says that his situation was similar. He also points out that the attack happened immediately after Alejandra made that deal, as if the devil was waiting for her.

* Main plot (continued): After interrogating the survivor, Team Ghost Rider is confronted by the All-New Ghost Rider. Alejandra Jones, fully under Eli Morrow’s control, says that she needs to speak with Robbie. Robbie and Alejandra/Eli battle it out for the first time but the fight between the two Ghost Riders leads to a stalemate, even with Sara, Gabe, and Kenshiro’s help. Lisa and the rest of the police arrive, leading to a shootout between them and Alejandra/Eli. Alejandra/Eli kills most of the police force but Robbie is able to save Lisa in time. He creates a portal and takes Lisa away from the scene, but Alejandra-Eli orders her demon henchmen to go after them. Episode ends on that cliffhanger.

* Subplot: Hamilton Slade finishes up a class and we see him in his private study. As he looks through his photo albums, he comes across a picture of a burial site. Immediately, he shuts the book away, disturbed by the memory. We get a flashback to the moment when the photograph was taken and it’s revealed that Hamilton found the burial site of his ancestor, Lincoln Slade, who was a predecessor of the Ghost Rider. 

Episode 6: Like a Woman Scorned 

* A plot: Picking up right after the previous episode, Robbie and Lisa emerge on the other side of the portal. It’s revealed that Robbie took them back to his scrapyard in Los Angeles. Although Robbie tries to hide his identity, he realizes he needs Lisa to trust him and turns back to his normal self. Lisa is surprised to find out Robbie is the Ghost Rider and says he should’ve just told her. As they talk, Alejandra/Eli opens up a portal outside the scrapyard. One of the main demons, nicknamed Hive Mind, has mind control powers and takes control of several L.A. citizens to form an army. Robbie and Lisa fight the mind-controlled army but are hesitant to actually kill anyone. Eventually, the fight comes down to Robbie and Alejandra/Eli and her minions. Lisa leaves, with Robbie telling her to find “Father Reyes”. Alone, Robbie puts up a good fight but is overwhelmed and defeated. Before Robbie passes out, Eli (through Alejandra) reveals himself and says that he’s gonna finish what he started.

* B plot: Sara, Gabe, and Kenshiro are battling Alejandra’s demon henchmen (the ones who didn’t cross over to Los Angeles). During this battle, we get backstory on Sara. It’s revealed Sara was once a normal nun who had an interest in the supernatural. One night, she fends off an attack by a vampire, partly due to her studying on how vampires worked. Impressed by this, the church offers her a place in their top-secret division dedicated to hunting supernatural monsters. Also during this fight, Hamilton Slade, who is driving at this time, accidentally gets involved when a demon attacks his car. Kenshiro rescues him, thus bringing Slade into their group.

* Side note: For the B plot, Gabe starts reflecting on Alejandra Jones. From what he knows about her, he says that he’s sad that she was killed by the cartel and was turned into a Ghost Rider. He questions why she would be wreaking havok. Gabe’s interest in Alejandra Jones will be important later on.   

Episode 7: Tio 

* Cold opening dream sequence: Robbie wakes up in the church and sees (to the audience’s surprise) Chloe Bennet. However, she introduces herself as the Ghost Rider, revealing that the Rider took the form of Daisy to talk to Robbie. Daisy and AOS is briefly referenced. Daisy-GR tells Robbie that he’s in way over his head and that it’s rethinking their deal. Robbie says that he can beat Eli but before we can go any further, Robbie wakes up from his dream.

* A plot: Robbie wakes up on some desert planet. Alejandra-Eli is there. They have a chat where we learn that Eli is planning on building a portal machine with the help of the Darkhold. Robbie asks why and Eli says that he wants to open a portal to hell large enough to allow Mephisto’s army to go through and conquer Earth and turn it into a new hell dimension. Robbie realizes the truth; not only was Eli Morrow turned into a Spirit of Vengeance by Mephisto, he was now Mephisto’s lackey. Mephisto is planning on conquering Earth. Robbie says he’ll never give up the Darkhold but Eli says that he already found it, revealing that Hive Mind used mind control on Robbie to make him give up the location of the Darkhold. Robbie and Alejandra-Eli fight but Alejandra-Eli escapes back to Earth, leaving Robbie stranded on the desert planet. 

* A plot (continued): Robbie tries to make a portal back to Earth but realizes that Alejandra-Eli took his chains with her/him. He starts to wander around, trying to figure out how to get back home. As he does, he’s visited by the “ghosts” / hallucinations of Lisa, Gabe, Sara, and Kenshiro, who urge him on. He’s also visited by Daisy-Ghost-Rider and his parents, who we haven’t seen until this episode. Fueled by pure hatred and anger towards his uncle, Robbie uses the resources around him to find a way back home. He collects iron ores from the desert and uses the Ghost Rider fire to make a makeshift Sling Ring. He crosses through the portal, pissed as fuck.  

* B plot: Sara, Kenshiro, and Gabe try to calm Hamilton Slade down, who is hysterical since being attacked by a demon. While dealing with this, police reinforcements arrive and arrest the four of them. They’re brought to the police station and questioned on what happened. While being interrogated, a werewolf attacks the police station, killing several people. Sara, Kenshiro, Gabe, and Hamilton work together with the police to kill the werewolf. After taking the werewolf down, the head police chief lets them go, realizing he has a whole city to clean up. 

* C plot: Lisa finds Father Reyes, who is revealed to be Robbie and Gabe’s estranged father. The two talk, with Lisa saying that his son is a hero (without actually saying that Robbie is the Ghost Rider). Father Reyes agrees, although he’s worried about his son. Father Reyes and Lisa talk about Robbie and we learn more about Robbie’s childhood.

* End episode stinger: Alejandra-Eli is seen holding the Darkhold. Eli starts making plans to build a machine that could unlock a portal to Mephisto’s hell dimension. However, Alejandra briefly takes over, revealing that Eli doesn’t have as strong of a hold on her as he thought. 

Episode 8: The Phantom

* A plot: Robbie reconnects with Team Ghost Rider, who are all tired from battling the demons. He also brings back Lisa from Los Angeles. Before he goes back to his team, Robbie chats with his father. Father Reyes reveals that he knows Robbie is the Ghost Rider (“You can’t fool me, son”) and that he figured it out several years ago. He also says that he doesn’t think Robbie’s soul is damned, despite Robbie claiming he made a deal with the devil. He says that Robbie is using his powers to fight the forces of evil and that makes him a warrior for God in his eyes. Father Reyes also says that he thinks Robbie hasn’t fully explored his powers, indirectly hinting at the Penance Stare (will become important later on). 

* A plot (continued): With the whole team together, Robbie says that Alejandra/Eli is planning on building a machine that will open a portal to hell. He also tells them that Alejandra/Eli is working for Mephisto, who turned Eli into one of his minions in exchange for Spirit of Vengeance abilities. The team starts making a plan to destroy the portal machine, send Eli back to hell, and reclaim the Darkhold. However, Hamilton Slade doesn’t trust Robbie. He leaves the group with a plan to expose Robbie as the Ghost Rider

* A plot (continued): However, the team stops Hamilton in time and in an angry fit, he reveals that he despises the Ghost Rider since it’s his family legacy. His ancestor, Lincoln Slade, was a Ghost Rider but he abused his power. Robbie says that the Rider isn’t evil, it’s the user. He says that he’s using his powers to fight evil and that he’ll do whatever it takes to stop Eli Morrow and any other villain with plans to destroy the world. Robbie’s conviction to his mission is what finally convinces Hamilton that Robbie is a hero and abandons his plans.

* B plot: Alejandra’s battle for control over her own body gets heated as she tries destroying the portal machine whenever she’s in control. This leads to a surreal sequence where Alejandra and Eli play a game of mental hide-and-seek, with both of them fighting to be the dominant personality. Alejandra gets the upper hand near the end of the fight but, sadly, Eli overpowers her. Now in full control, Eli says to his henchmen, “The woman won’t be a problem anymore”. As he says this, he learns that his machine is close to finish.   

Episode 9: Wrath 

* Main plot: Picking up right at the end of the previous episode, Team Ghost Rider tries searching for Eli Morrow, realizing that he could be anywhere around the world. Robbie, knowing how he hid the Darkhold, begins retracing his steps to see if he could stumble across a clue on where Eli is. This leads to a sequence where Robbie and the team confront a demon named Hoss, who was keeping the Darkhold with him. When the team asks why Robbie trusted the book to Hoss, Robbie says it’s because Hoss is a collector whose personal vault is near-impenetrable. Hoss is also a demon bounty hunter, taking monsters back to hell just like Robbie, which is another reason why Robbie trusted him (although Hoss took demons back for pay). 

* Main plot (continued): At first, Hoss claims that someone broke into his vault and stole the Darkhold. However, after some investigating, the team learns that Hoss backstabbed Robbie by giving Eli Morrow the Darkhold willingly. Hoss says that he wants Earth to becomes a hell dimension, leading to Robbie beating him up. Robbie forces Hoss to give up Eli’s location, which he does.  

* Main plot (continued): The location turns out to be the old Momentum Labs. Eli Morrow, seeing that Robbie and his allies have found him, sends his demon army out to stop them. The rest of this episode consists of confrontations. Robbie battles and kills Hive Mind, avenging his previous defeat. Sara and Lisa team up and kill several demon minions. Kenshiro, despite being a non-fighter, manages to use his wits to take several demon minions down. While this is happening, Gabe tells Hamilton to wheel him to Alejandra. Hamilton questions him and Gabe says that he wants to talk to Alejandra. 

* Main plot (continued): Hamilton takes Gabe into the heart of Momentum Labs without telling the rest of the group and they confront Alejandra/Eli together. Gabe appeals to Alejandra’s humanity and even to his uncle. He asks Eli if he wants to be Mephisto’s servant for the rest of his life and for the first time in the series, Eli doubts his plan. This moment of self-doubt leads to Alejandra resurfacing. She quickly tells Gabe and Hamilton to destroy the portal machine before Eli activates it since the portal will be self-sustaining once activated (meaning, destroying the machine won’t do anything). Alejandra also says they need to kill her before Eli comes back. Unfortunately, Eli does return and, angered, he turns into the All-New Ghost Rider and attacks Gabe and Hamilton. 

* Main plot (continued): Robbie enters the scene just in time and the two Ghost Riders fight again. This time, with the help of Sara, Lisa, and Kenshiro, Robbie defeats Alejandra/Eli. However, before Robbie can burn Eli, “Alejandra” comes back and begs for mercy. Gabe stops Robbie and “Alejandra” begs them to save her before Eli comes back. But this turns out to be a ruse. It’s Eli pretending to be Alejandra. Eli activates the portal machine and the episode ends on the massive cliffhanger of Mephisto’s demon army ready to attack Earth!

Episode 10: Ghost Rider

(Season finale time! If you’re still reading this, I just wanna say, thank you, you’re a real trooper)

We start off right at the end of the previous episode. Robbie immediately destroys the portal machine but realizes that the portal is self-sustaining. Team Ghost Rider flees Momentum Labs as Mephisto’s demon army starts swarming Los Angeles. Things are going bonkers as police and National Guard come in to battle the army of darkness. As this is happening, Eli/Alejandra slips away. 

The group barricades themselves in an abandoned office and Robbie says it’s his fault that Eli managed to activate the portal and he’s the only one with the ability to close the gate. Robbie tells the group to leave but they tell him that they’re with him to the end of the line. They make a new plan; Robbie and Sara will fight their way back to Momentum Labs to close the gate, Kenshiro will be their “guy in the chair” as well as search for Eli/Alejandra, and Lisa and Hamilton will take Gabe and flee the city. 

As they prepare to exit the building, we get some interesting interactions. Lisa breaks up with Hamilton, saying that they’re better off as friends, and Hamilton wonders if it’s because she has feelings for Robbie. Hamilton tells Robbie that he’s surprised that he went from despising the Ghost Riders to working with one. Gabe tells Robbie that he needs to find a way to spare Alejandra since she’s an innocent in all this. Sara says to Kenshiro that she was wrong about Robbie and that he’s a warrior for God. Kenshiro admits that he has a huge crush on Sara but Sara says they can’t be together since she’s a nun. 

The groups head out of the building. To summarize what happens, Robbie and Sister Sara battle their way through the demon hordes back to Momentum Labs. Robbie gets his “Thor: Ragnarok” moment and goes HAM on the demon army as heavy metal music blares in the background. He manages to close the portal with his chain, foiling Eli/Alejandra’s plans. 

While this is happening, Lisa, Hamilton, and Gabe try to flee the city. Demons attack them and while fighting them off, Hamilton is fatally wounded. He tells Lisa that he loves her as he dies in her arms. After closing the portal, Robbie catches up with Lisa and Gabe and learns about what happened to Hamilton, enraging him. Kenshiro, who was guiding both groups this whole time, tells Robbie where Eli/Alejandra is, leading to our final confrontation.

Similar to Luke Cage season 1, Robbie confronts Eli/Alejandra while several bystanders watch. The two Ghost Riders go at it, with several big moments such as Robbie destroying Eli/Alejandra’s motorcyle, Eli/Alejandra destroying Robbie’s charger (temporarily, the car comes back of course), and so on. The fight eventually ends with Robbie defeating Eli/Alejandra and ready to destroy them. 

Just then, Father Reyes’ words come back to Robbie and, for the first time in the whole series, Robbie uses the Penance Stare on Eli/Alejandra. Eli’s soul is burned by this but Alejandra is spared. Robbie is unsure how he knew he could do that and Sara suggests that “God gave him the power”. Battle ends with Alejandra thanking Robbie as she’s arrested. 

Cut to several days later. The team attends Hamilton Slade’s funeral. Sara and Kenshiro decide to stay in Texas as Robbie’s main support team. Gabe also embraces his role as a member of Team Ghost Rider. Lisa is the last to join, saying that she always believed in the Ghost Rider. Robbie comforts her, telling her that he’s sorry for her loss, and Lisa thanks him for that. There are some signs of romantic feelings but nothing too blatant since Lisa is in mourning. 

Robbie sees that the news are calling him a hero. Robbie doesn’t see himself that way and he rides off into the night, off to battle another demon.

As he rides off, we quickly cut back to Alejandra Jones, who is in a holding cell. In the cell’s mirror, she sees Eli Morrow looking back at her. He’s still there but it’s clear he has no power over her anymore. 

The episode ends with Robbie riding off into the night...just as a motorcycle starts to follow him. We’re not shown who is following Robbie. Is it Johnny Blaze? Is it Danny Ketch? Is it Carter Slade? You’ll have to find out...in season two! 

tagging (sorry, i know this is a long post): @angel-starbeam, @whistlingwindtree, @lostinthespeedforce, @agentmilayawithshield, @happilyshanghaied, @acerobbiereyes, @isisparker, @shutyourmoustache, @clarasghosts

[jq37]

OH MAN THAT NEW EP. Lou's nat 20. I'M DYING. What do you think is going to happen next week based on the trailer

That nat 20 was peak Fabian and peak D&D. Sometimes crap just lines up and it’s awesome. 

Anyway, to summarize the promo:

The bad kids seem to be under arrest for the murder of Johnny Spells (which is a thing they def did)

Fig has mommy issues maybe

Bill Seacaster yells at Fabian

Someone is shooting at cops

Riz invites his mom to prom

Siobhan asks if she can cast detect thoughts on herself

Everyone’s phones start pinging 

My guess is them being under arrest has to do with whoever was threatening them at the end of the episode trying to get them out of the way, because they seem to be the person who knows what’s really going on here.  (Sidenote, Adaine’s parents are out of the country by now, right? So threatening to burn down the empty house of her family that she hates isn’t much of a threat).

The mommy issues comment makes me feel like either the other shoe is gonna drop re: where the hell Sandra-Lynn is or Fig is just gonna be back on her flirting with full adults nonsense.

Maybe Bill is yelling at Fabian upon bailing him out of jail? Because a good pirate wouldn’t have just surrendered like Fabian does along w/ the rest of the group in the promo. I’m also not surprised he’s in the promo because he has to be in the ep to tie up the loose ends about KVX bank and whatever’s happening there.

I don’t think Brennan was speaking in his Cubby dad voice but man I hope it’s him shooting up the cops. 

PROM! I knew it! I knew a prom finale was inevitable! More on that later. Also, why do I feel like we’re gonna get some capture the crown battle mechanics? 

Siobhan asking to cast detect thoughts on herself is what threw me the most for a loop. My three best guesses are (1) It has to do w/ the people stuck in her jacket (which is such a weird side thing that’s currently happening), (2) she also has patches of her memory cut out like Biz does and she’s trying to find a way to circumvent that, or (3) she suspects that she’s being possessed or something and she’s trying to check.

And everyone's’ phones going off probably just means another threat from whoever’s threatening them. BUT that scene could also be happening during prom and when he says everyone he means the whole student body so that could be a signal of some major wildness.

So, we’re heading for a prom finale. That seems clear now. It also seems like the gang is about to get arrested. So a couple of things:

Where are we in the timeline? I know we time jumped but I didn’t think we were late enough for prom yet. If we’re not, then I guess there could be a further time jump between getting arrested and being out in time for prom, but let’s just assume it’s prom time now. 

If it is prom time, that means either they get arrested and get bailed out the same day basically, or they just freaking break out of jail to stop whatever’s happening. I think option B seems pretty likely considering the shootout scene in the promo. So it’s possible they get arrested, bust out, Riz finds his mom and is like, “Let’s do this.”

Last episode, Brennan made Emily say a very specific line while possessed. He wrote it out and she had to do it verbatim. That’s the only time he’s done that so I feel like it has to be significant, right? If it was just for comedic effect, he wouldn’t have used a line from the first episode. 

Not that I know what that means. Like, was Mr. Gibbons a big bad? Was he possessed by a big bad? And, like, I’m sure Brennan didn’t plan for 2 characters to die in the first fight so I’m sure he didn’t plan for Mr. Gibbons to die then either. So where was he supposed to fit in? Was he supposed to be evil but manipulate people in his role as guidance counselor? But he didn’t actually go to hell, remember? He went to orc heaven which indicates that he’s not a bad guy. But that was still his line. Was he under the influence of someone/thing when he said it? Who the hell knows?

At this point, I think all roads lead back to Penelope. She seems to be the only person with connections to all the disparate bad things going on (except maybe the Harvestmen stuff, which may or may not have been a red herring). But what exactly is going on?

Honestly, I don’t think Emily was super far off with her eternal prom queen theory. Like, it’s off the wall but wouldn’t it sort of make sense? Wouldn’t it make sense that the main villain of this kind of campaign would be a crazy high school kid who agreed to help some ultimate evil with their evil plan in exchange for being prom queen of the world?

Or I guess Kal Vaxis literally could have turned himself into a baby to enact this evil plan in a form no one would expect, but that’s literally the last 25 minutes of Sky High so it’s not *That* crazy, OK?

And it would make sense for it to be her too, right? Because she was one of the first NPCs we met so it would be full circle. And what was she doing when we met her? Campaigning for the reinstatement of prom king/queen. So the set up is there.

Oh, my crazier theory is that Kal Vaxis needs royalty of some sort to break a curse or cast a spell and because of the way it’s written, technically prom royalty counts which is why the team up with Penelope. That’s based on nothing other than what I might write if I were Brennan. 

We pretty much know for sure Biz was a pawn and, despite her coming up again, Aelwen seems to be to. Whatever she did, I’m sure it was at Penelope’s behest. She talks a big game, but the fact that she was hanging out w/ the Hudol nerds and Penelope even though she talks about Aguefort like it’s beneath her makes me feel like she’s actually be pretty easily swayed. 

I’m looking at the wiki now and it says Penelope was upset when Sam disappeared but I don’t remember the context of that. Like, was it in public so she had to act upset? Was that not something she agreed to like she was down but her friends were supposed to be off limits?

What was the point of trapping the girls? Like, we know Biz probably wanted to do it for a creepy reason, but why did the other person want them hidden beyond divination? And, assuming Biz wasn’t lying, what good are just the downloads of the girls since they apparently went back to their bodies? And where exactly are their physical bodies? Will they just bust out of the palimpsests they’re in like Riz did? We know the cops have the one with Ostentasia in it, but where are the rest of them?

They’re all Penelope’s friends so maybe she wanted them for like her court or something? Idk man.

It could also be for some classic virgin blood spell kinda thing. Very traditional.

Anyway, that’s what I got for now. Lemme know if I forgot to touch on something.

Also every time I try and type the name of any Abernant, my computer shakes its head at me and does a red squiggle and it’s like, yeah I know computer but it is what it is. 

[snkpolls]

SnK S3E03 Results (Anime Only Viewer Version)

The poll closed with 184 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note this is the anime only viewer version of the poll. Manga readers, please click here for the results of the manga reader poll!

Rate the episode

85% of voters enjoyed the episode. About the same percentage as last week!

Which of the following moments were your favorite?

Seeing Erwin’s backstory animated was the clear winner here with almost half of respondents choosing it as a fave. Hange kicking the table and Erwin’s promise to avenge Dimo Reeves were close seconds.

 Who drew it better: WIT or Isayama?

Not surprisingly, anime only viewers prefered WIT’s interpretation of Levi’s wanted poster, where manga readers preferred Isayama’s version.  I think both groups can probably agree Levi wouldn’t love either of them, though...

Who has the best reaction to Historia’s backstory?

Sasha takes first and Connie second for this one - and we’re not surprised at all. Sasha pausing mid-slurp of her soup and Connie’s “wut” face are honestly relatable.

How cute was baby Historia?

Of course baby Historia is loved by the majority here, how could she not be? Give this girl some love please?

She is too pure

How cute was little Erwin?

While responses were a bit more spread for kidwin compared to little Historia, the clear majority still love him and his kidbrows.

Protect kid!win

HAVE YOU SEEN SOMETHING SO ASTONISHING YOU WANTED KEEP IT FROM DANGER FOR ETERNITY? I HAVE. ERWIN <3

The episode was dialogue heavy with a lot of character backstories and plot exposition. What type of episodes do you tend to prefer watching?

Looks like the majority of anime watchers like a nice balance of action and exposition. Thankfully this season seems to be delivering both up to this point with an action-heavy start and a slowed down third episode.  

Why is this show just all exposition now? The only cool part so far was Levi in the shootout.

Can't all be action can it we need some story guys

Did Flegel really stay in that alleyway the entire night?

The majority of respondents thought that Felgel did in fact hang out in that alley all night.  We mostly asked this question for fun and the responses ranged from serious to hilarious:

He prolly came back to the scene of the crime right?

Different clothes it looks like

Who's Flegel ?

yes, he waited for commander handsome's arrival!

Hookers

He blend with the shadows

hes just chillin let him be

On a scale of 1-5, how distressed are you about Eren being tied, gagged and drugged?

Eren’s current predicament doesn’t seem to be stressing anime only viewers quite a much as manga readers - the responses were pretty evenly spread here.

Who has the best hat?

The response to this one was a lot more evenly split than we expected, but the winner here is Kenny’s cowboy hat with Pixis’ top hat coming in second. We think Jean would be devastated to learn that his fedora came in last place.

How many flashbacks within flashbacks is too many?

Looks like that majority of respondents are more than willing to take on as many flashbacks as WIT gives them.  

What was your reaction to Historia’s backstory?

Sadness was the most common reaction to Historia’s childhood, followed next by anger, which is not surprising. Some respondents thought it moved too fast to have strong feelings about, however.  

It was okay. It went by too fast, making it seem rather cliche for me to truly care. I hope we get another peek into her past in the future episodes.

SADNESS THAT MELTED RIGHT INTO ANGER

I don’t care cause she’s probably gonna die anyway.

Who raised her if the mom did nothing?

Ymir, please come back.

What about Erwin’s backstory?

More respondents were angry about Erwin’s backstory than Historia’s, but the majority were still sad.  Several people mentioned that his backstory explains a lot of his current motivations however.

It served as a good explanation for his personal motivation. But, I have to say, kid Erwin's design looks weird.

I want to pick up baby Erwin and protect him from all the pain and anguish in the world

Complicated feelings. It was necessary for Erwin to become the way he is

Disappointed because it doesn't explain his fleek eyebrows.

It was just boring. There was no need for a flashback if he was just gonna narrate the entire thing

So far, who has the most tragic childhood backstory this season?

Historia was the clear winner here with Levi in second place.  Surprising since we haven’t actually seen any of Levi’s backstory yet outside of the comments Kenny made last week.

Do you think Hange is a good choice to take over as commander?

Hange is a great choice to take over as Commander according to the majority of responses with being being unsure as the second most popular choice.  Guess we’ll have to wait and see!

Bitch gonna slay

Yes and no, yes she's very smart, and no she's insane

Erwin believes that the king erased humanity’s memories when they took refuge inside of the walls. Do you think he’s onto something?

As crazy as the theory might sound, it looks like the majority of respondents think Erwin’s dad’s theory seems legit.

I believe in his every decision!

What has been the most interesting reveal so far?

So far anime watchers are more perplexed about the realization that if a titan eats a titan shifter, they become a human. Does this spell disaster for our protagonist?

Which group of characters are your favorite?

The 104th + RBA barely squeaks ahead of the safe choice of “all of them” this week.

Where do you primarily discuss the series?

Additional thoughts on the episode?

So if titans become humans after eating a shifter, why wasn’t Santa turned into a human after episode 1? And after they turn into a human does that mean they’re a shifter since Ymir can now go back and forth? Why are the “shifters” able to shift? Why aren’t they stuck in titan form all the time? Why can’t Eren do any fucking thing in this show? Why is the main character always getting fucking kidnapped? Who even are the Reiss? I completely forget them from everything and I couldn’t care less that I did? Where’s the beast titan in all of this? Why is this show just all exposition now? The only cool part so far was Levi in the shootout.

Hange needs to apologise to table

The Government made a BIG MISTAKE by not killing kid Erwin. Now he's all grown up and preparing a coup on their ass!

The relationship between Reiss and his co-conspirators seem weird to me. It feels like there's a distance between them but they also trust him to do what they need him to do.

Who else was on the farm? Historia couldn't have lived there alone all that time…

good stuff

You have too many questions in your poll; I ain't got all day!

HAVE YOU SEEN SOMETHING SO ASTONISHING YOU WANTED KEEP IT FROM DANGER FOR ETERNITY? I HAVE. ERWIN <3

It seemed ridiculous of Pixis to accept Erwin's seemingly-out-of-the-blue plan. He didn't hesitate at all. It made me wonder whether Pixis and Erwin had been plotting something like this off-screen, long before the revelation of Historia's ancestry. Seeing Connie and Jean wearing hats was pretty funny. However, I noticed the animation was a bit derpy during certain scenes. They, also, didn't bother to animate the shot showing the 104+Levi's reaction to Historia's backstory. I hope they correct them on the Blu-Ray. Overall, it was a good episode.

Thank you to everyone who participated. See you again on Monday! 

[sketchiedetails]

One of the better additions to Onimusha 2 is that it has a proper boss squad compared to the first game. Jubei faces off against three notable higher demons and they each have a distinct personality to set them apart from the rest of the cast.

When Takajo gives Jubei his quest, she tells him to seek five Oni Orbs that will help him defeat Nobunaga. These orbs seem to be a framing device to keep some structure to Jubei’s mission, but really they’re more a narrative device to highlight the character of each Orb owner and how it relates to their Orb.

Takajo gives Jubei the first Oni Orb, Charity. Takajo is a benevolent Oni who gives Jubei the ability to fight demons, and in turn Jubei doles out gifts to his friends to win their favor.

The first demon Jubei encounters is Ginghamphatts. Whenever you run into a higher demon, you’ll find a document relating to them along the way to provide insight in their character. The document relating to Gingamphatts doesn’t seem to be specifically about him, but his race of demons which serve as gatekeepers, much like how Ginghamphatts is the first boss to test the player’s skill.

Ironicially, even though Ginghamphatts is the first higher demon you fight you don’t get his Orb until the very end. He possesses the Orb of Strength and he’s a perfect fit for the Orb since he’s the heaviest hitter in the bunch. Something cute I didn’t notice about his first fight is that since it’s set inside the gold mines, when he does a downward strike on the ground with his pickaxe, he’ll always spawn some gold.

Ginghamphatts is really all just dumb muscle compared to the rest of the group. Jujudormah, on the other hand, is far more sinister and cunning. She’s madly in love with Nobunaga, and takes great pains to antagonize Jubei for her lord’s sake. She even kills Takajo just to spite Jubei.

It’s implied that not only is it a one-sided love, Nobunaga may not even recognize Jujudormah’s presence around him according to her diary you find just before her fight. Before you even meet Jujudormah, you hear rumors about her from your friends and are told repeatedly that an attractive woman is looking for Jubei. Just before you make contact with her, the figure under the umbrella is shaped quite differently from her true form. It’s implied that Jujudormah is quite skilled with illusions, which makes it ironically appropriate that she carries the Honesty Orb.

I’ve made numerous posts about the Best Capcom Character Gogandantess, the Greatest Swordsman of All the Demons, but I failed to mention that he might be either full of shit or unaware of his invulnerability. Gogandantess postures about being a noble swordsman, but a document you find before his last fight reveals that the reason why Gogandantess is the Greatest Swordsman of All the Demons is because he has an impenetrable shield that can only be disrupted by the Sacred Flute Oyu gives Jubei.

The running joke between Jubei and Gogandantess is that Jubei cannot take his shit seriously at all while Gogandantess constantly talks to Jubei condescendingly until Jubei defeats him. With Gogandantess dying in Jubei’s arms, the two finally reach a mutual understanding of one another and Gogandantess’ last act is to give Jubei the Respect Orb.

One of the numerous reasons why Onimusha 2 is a step up from O1 is that you actually get to fight Oda Nobunaga in the game.

Well, sort of. It’s a demon, but at least the preceding cutscene confirms that it’s still Nobunaga and not some random asshole who’s supposed to be the guy behind Nobunaga.

Nobunaga’s first phase has callbacks to Fortinbras’ fight with the chain lightning attacks, but Nobunaga’s the better version because he actually moves along the arena instead of staying confined to one part of the screen. Unfortunately, his second phase has him flying about and spamming magic so the combat became less entertaining since it devolved into running around the room dodging magic and shooting him down with all the rifle bullets I accumulated throughout the game.

Somehow Nobunaga manages to outdo his original form phase by dragging Jubei into the Abyss and chasing him down with the goofiest evil statue ever forged. This is where Jubei takes all the Orbs he’s collected throughout the game and use them to transform into a demon with a Buster Cannon.

Again, it’s not as exciting as other fights since it’s a shootout in a game where the main focus was on melee combat. I liked the spectacle of the fight, but the execution could have been pulled off better.

The one thing I want everyone to take away from the boss fights is that they’re where the gameplay falls apart for me. I like how each of the demons look and their attack patterns, but fighting them feels like fighting a really bullshit psychopath in Dead Rising: they feel like they’ve got an advantage over me with unblockable attacks and ridiculous recovery and chain attacks, and I always feel like I fluked my way through a fight instead of knowing for sure that I won a boss fight like I would usually feel in a Devil May Cry type of action game.

I hope Onimusha 3′s bosses don’t give the same feeling for me.

[funkymbtifiction]

The Walking Dead: Glenn Rhee [INFJ]

UNOFFICIAL TYPING BY: anonymous

Introverted Intuition (Ni): Glenn is a sentimental at heart, who likes to keep objects that symbolize his values and the people in his life that he loves. When Hershel gives him a pocket watch, he keeps it with him all the time afterwards. At first, he doesn’t totally understand what it means, but when he asks for Hershel’s blessing to marry Maggie, he tells him that it is a symbol of the fact that their time alive could suddenly end at any moment because they are living in the zombie apocalypse, so their future is uncertain. When he finds out that Maggie is pregnant with their first child, Glenn feels afraid at first because he knows that Lori died giving birth, and his wife was the one to deliver the baby for her. However, he overcomes his fears when they get separated again in season four, realizing they can’t just be afraid to be alive, and comes to see having a child as a wonderful opportunity to build a family with Maggie. Although he is not a very religious person, or one who has ever claimed to believe in god at all, Glenn has been seen praying to god in on some occasions of great desperation and fear, and he tells Maggie that he’ll “find her” from beyond the grave, so he does seem to feel some sort of faith in a higher power and believe that there is life beyond death, even if he’s not totally certain of what that exactly entails. This last part of his Ni-dom function works in tandem with his Fe-aux function, but Glenn often intuitively sees things in other people that they don’t see in themselves. For instance, he sees that Maggie has a lot more strength to survive on her own than she initially believes herself to be capable of, and he helps her come to realize this when they fall in love. He takes a high-risk chance on helping Tara because he needs her help to find Maggie, and some instinct deep inside him tells him that she is a good person worth helping. Surprisingly, Glenn is right, and the two become best friends.

Extroverted Feeling (Fe): Glenn is by far one of the most remarkably caring, ethical, loving, and selfless members of the main cast. However, in spite of his good nature, his strength to do the right thing, fight back adversity, and survive the apocalypse do not really come from any sort of self-reliant internal strength, an internalized set of personal values, or a ‘gut’ feeling of the moment based ethical decision-making process, like an Fi-type. No, Glenn’s good nature and strength are based around the feelings of other people. He doesn’t learn to fight back adversity, and stick up for himself until he finds the strength to do so through true love with Maggie by starting a relationship and family with her. Before that, he was essentially the main group’s errand boy and “walker bait,” but Maggie’s love made him realize that lhis life was actually worth fighting for again. He spares the lives of most people, even if they are acting like jerks, like Nicholas, because he knows that in another life that they were good people, who would have done the same thing for him. He knows that everyone is just trying to survive in the apocalypse, and that the people who act like cowards in this world, probably weren’t that way before the world went to shit. Even though it greatly angers and saddens him, he is willing to forgive the cowardice of the Alexandrian people that he takes on supply runs with him when they leave other people in their group behind when they are hurt or stuck in compromising situations that will slow the rest of the group down because he wants to believe that humanity can change for the better. Glenn finally kills living people for the first time in the series in season six when he absolutely has to do so in the Savior’s camp for the sake of defending his group, and he is seriously uncomfortable about having to do it because he cries the whole time. Although he is willing to forgive the people who hurt him, he refuses to forgive the people who hurt Maggie, and/or anyone else in his group, who he is close to. He refused to forgive Merle, not because he hurt him and took him to the Governor, but because he also took Maggie to the Governor, “a man, who humiliated her and terrorized her,” and Glenn “cares more about her than he does himself.” He even goes through a reckless period of wanting to get revenge on the Governor for terrorizing and humiliating Maggie in S3 afterwards. Glenn also has an amazing ability to see, predict, and bring out all of the potential for good things hidden underneath other people’s fears, insecurities, and temptations to make the wrong choices, like with Rick, Daryl, Maggie, and Tara. This is his primary Ni-Fe functions working together in tandem.

Introverted Thinking (Ti) In Glenn’s debut episode of the series in S1, he shows Rick and the rest of his group in Atlanta a map that he has created, which show all of the exits and tunnels under the sewers of the city that are (mostly) clear of zombies. He has created a system that can help them all escape through the sewer system. He quickly figured out how to hot-wire a car, and siphon gas from others when he needed it. At this point in the series, he is not very adept at fighting off walkers, or at sticking up for himself, but he seems to have survived as long as he has with his fairly strong ability to use internal logic. Still, Glenn’s Ti-function is in the weaker half of his stack of cognitive functions as an INFJ, so that means that it also sometimes comes out unhealthily at moments of self-hatred and self-doubt. He analyzes the things that he should have said and done in a situation with other people involved beforehand, but didn’t do at the time because he was too afraid, or not fast enough, and blames himself. In season two, Glenn blames himself for freezing up in a shootout with two outsiders, and not doing anything to help Rick, Daryl, and Hershel fight them back in the bar, even though he knew they were also armed at the time. Although it is never directly stated or shown outright in the series, there is strong evidence that Glenn unfairly blames himself for not being able to save Noah from those walkers that devoured him right in front of him in that revolving door, given the fact that he really did try his best to reach out to him and save his life before it was too late, and looking at just how upset he was over the whole ordeal afterwards.

Extroverted Sensing (Se): Extroverted sensing (Se) is the weakest of Glenn’s main cognitive functions as an INFJ, but it can be seen in his character in several moments throughout the series. Sure, Glenn never became the grizzled, ruthless, and dangerously threatening zombie apocalypse adversity killing-machine warriors that Daryl and particularly Rick became in the series, but he still adapted the necessary physical aggression and strength to fight back and survive adversity in the apocalypse pretty impressively. A big part of that is thanks to his Se-inferior function. He gave Merle a bloody nose when he was tied down to a chair, and getting beaten up by him. He successfully fought off a walker, while he was duct-taped and tied down to a chair in season three when he and Maggie got kidnapped by Merle and taken to the Governor by him. He was the main group’s primary supply runner throughout most of the series because he was well-known to be “quick on his feet,” and being really good at getting out of tough compromising life-or-death situations. He punched Abraham, a big, beefy, and strong former military seargeant, in the face, and actually almost beat him before they got pulled apart. Still, like I said before, Glenn’s Se function is the weakest of his four main cognitive functions as an INFJ, which means that it has often come out in moments throughout the series when he is unhealthily stuck in an Fe-Se loop. For instance, in S3, he goes through a reckless phase, after he and Maggie get kidnapped by the Governor, and their relationship starts to show some strain when Glenn finds out that Maggie took off her shirt because the Governor threatened for her to do it, or he would cut off Glenn’s hand. After this point in the series, Glenn goes through a bit of a reckless, vengeful, and blindly self-destructive Fe-Se loop phase. He tries to talk Michonne into teaming up with him to go and kill the Governor to get back at him for humiliating and terrorizing Maggie by sexually assaulting her. He gets frustrated when Hershel advises Rick and the rest of the group to keep Glenn away from the Governor and Woodbury for the time being because he is afraid that he is going to get himself and everyone around him killed with his blindly reckless anger and lust for vengeance. When the group listens to Hershel, and leave Glenn behind because they are afraid  that he could be a danger to himself and those in his group, he aggressively bludgeons a walker to death in his frustration. After the group convinces Glenn that they can’t just kill the Governor outright, he takes out his remaining frustration one last time against Merle albeit too aggressively when he tries to leave the prison to go and kill the Governor without the others’ permission, and then he starts to let go of his anger, makes up with Maggie, and come out of his Fe-Se loop.

[popculturedwithmoviemike]

My Favorite Movie Hitmen of All-Time This is a list of the best hitmen in film history. Hitmen have always been an interesting character for Hollywood. They are often enigmatic and highly dangerous, but also usually really awesome. My list takes many factors into consideration. How cool they are and how dangerous they are were two of the main factors.

1 - Léon - Léon: The Professional Can he be any cooler? He's quiet, he's got an awesome knit hat, kickass shades, likes taking care of his plant and he gets to hang out with Natalie Portman all day. Granted, she's like 12 in the film, but Leon never becomes creepy. His relationship with Mathilda is strictly platonic and he is more of a fatherly figure to her. Did I also mention that he has a bunch of badass guns and boy does he know how to use them? 2 - Jason Bourne - The Bourne Franchise No offense to Mr. Bond, James Bond, but Jason Bourne would destroy 007 (any of them) before his martini was finished being shaken (not stirred.) He's just lethal and the amazing thing is that it's literally a knee jerk reaction for him. Breaking bones is like breathing or blinking with this guy. He's also incredibly intelligent which makes him even more deadly. Jason Bourne doesn't even need a gun or a knife to work a dude over. He can use anything within his reach. It doesn't matter if it's a ballpoint pen or a rolled up magazine, if it's in Jason Bourne's hands, you're a dead man. 3 - John Wick - The John Wick Franchise Don't mess with a man's dog or his car. In John Wick's world, he's essentially a myth, a legend for fellow assassins to whisper about. You can see why. Wick is like a machine. Every bullet he fires hits its mark and he's just as deadly with close quarters combat. Like any good hitman, he also looks stylish doing it. As you will see with many of the people on this list, John Wick doesn't say much. He does his talking with his guns. 4 - Anton Chigurh - No Country for Old Men Man who hires Wells: [about Chigurh] "Just how dangerous is he?" Carson Wells: "Compared to what? The bubonic plague?" This quote perfectly sums up the level of danger that Anton Chigurh brings to the table. He truly is like a plague. A deadly virus that does not discriminate on who it kills. That's not to say Chigurh doesn't have rules. He does and that's what makes him such an interesting character. If you play by his rules, you live. Simple as that. The fascinating thing about Chigurh and his seemingly unstoppable evil is that even a force like him is not invincible. In fact, what almost take him out? A little old lady running a stop sign. 5 - The Bride - Kill Bill Vols. 1 & 2 "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Damn, they weren't kidding. You do not want to get on this woman's list because she will hunt you down and remove your eyeball from your optical lobe with her fingers. That's just her being nice. Most times she just chops you up into little itty bitty pieces. The Bride is the first female on my list, and easily the best person with a blade. 6 - Terminator - The Terminator Should The Terminator be higher on the list? Maybe, but he's a cyborg. He should be an unstoppable hitman. Terminator has cool sunglasses, rides a motorcycle and has a knack for delivering killer one-liners. I guess the only thing that knocks him down a few slots is that the first version of him is often thwarted by a teenage girl. The other problem with Terminator is that he lacks stealth and subtlety. 7 - Jules Winnfield - Pulp Fiction He recites bible scripture before he ices your ass. Come on, it doesn't get much cooler than that. Jules doesn't recite the scripture because he's overly religious and wants to be respectful to the soon-to-be-dead thug. No, he admits that the only reason why he does it is that he thought it was a "cold-blooded thing to say before I popped a cap in someone's ass." Jules also sports a pretty groovy jerry curled afro. 8 - Alejandro - Sicario Alejandro is the strong, silent type. Don't be fooled though, he's just as ruthless as anybody on this list. All you have to do is watch the end of Sicario and you'll understand what I'm talking about. The man is cold-blooded. I can't say I blame him given the circumstances. 9 - Sorter - Revolver The first hitman on my list that is a relative unknown. I doubt most people have even heard of the film, let alone the character. Sorter is played by the great character actor Mark Strong from the Guy Ritchie film Revolver. Unfortunately, Revolver is kind of a bad movie. Sorter is hands down the best part of the film. He's so cool that it's worth watching the movie just for him. Sure, he looks like an accountant with his bald head and thick rimmed glasses, but make no mistake, Sorter will punch your ticket faster that you can add 2+2. The guy took out three bad guys who were in another room just by sticking his gun through a hole in a wall and watching on a surveillance monitor. Come on, son. 10 - Smith - Shoot 'Em Up Smith just might be the most talented hitman on this list. He delivers a baby while in the middle of a shootout, he wastes a host of goons while having sex with Monica Bellucci and never skips a beat. You don't even want to know how deadly he can be with a carrot. Eat your vegetables, kids. Actually, you should see how deadly he is with a carrot. Not enough people caught this one when it was in theaters. 11 - Victoria - Red She's like 70 and still looks sexy in an evening gown. Oh, did I mention she likes playing with guns? I don't care that she's old enough to be a grandmother, she's still smokin' hot. Next. 12 - Vincent - Collateral The constant professional. It's just a job to Vincent. No hard feelings. The thing that makes Vincent interesting is the fact that there is a sadness to his character. Vincent is also rocking that gray head of hair to match his sharp gray suit. 13 - Ah Jong - The Killer I love The Killer. It's one of the best action films of all-time and includes some truly memorable scenes. Scenes that have been copied numerous times throughout the years by Hollywood. In fact, Shoot 'Em Up pays homage to The Killer with the scene with the shootout while holding an infant. Unfortunately, Ah Jong's story centers on a hit gone wrong. He accidentally blinded a woman and is trying to raise money to help her. Very admirable, but he loses major points in my book. 14 - Martin Q. Blank - Grosse Pointe Blank Don't be fooled by the boy-next-door looks, this guy is dangerous. The good news for bad guys is that Martin is trying to get out of the business and is having second thoughts about his choice for a career. He takes one more hit which also happens to be at his high school reunion. You thought your reunion was bad. Jason Bourne may not have much of a memory, but he clearly saw Grosse Pointe Blank and watched Martin kill a guy with a ballpoint pen and thought it might be a good skill to have. 15 - Michael Sullivan - Road to Perdition He's just a father who works for the mob to put food on the table. What could go wrong? Well, a lot. Sullivan soon hits the road with his young son by his side. One of the more unique father/son bonding experiences you will ever see. America's favorite average Joe actor has never looked more dangerous than Tom Hanks did in Road to Perdition. 16 - Angel Eyes - The Good, the Bad and the Ugly Has there ever been a more impressive and intimidating steely gaze than Lee Van Cleef as Angel Eyes in The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly? Angel Eyes will stop at nothing to catch Blonde and Tuco. Walking away with the money would have been a nice bonus. 17 - Wesley Gibson - Wanted An average kid becomes legendary hitman who can curve bullets. How can he not be on the list? The only thing that keeps him from being higher is that his movie character can't compare to the graphic novel. 18 - Killer Joe Cooper - Killer Joe Boy, Joe certainly is an interesting character. I will never look at a chicken leg the same way again. I can't put Joe very high on the list because we don't really get to see him in action a whole lot. At least not in terms of killing people. He does look cool in that cowboy hat though. 19 - Mr. Goodkat - Lucky Number Slevin A hitman with a cool name and endlessly quotable lines played by Bruce Willis. It's pretty much a given he'd be on this list. Favorite quote: "Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest in Monte Carlo and came in third; that's a story." Goodkat is kind of an enigma, but he's very entertaining. He often shows up just to reveal a little bit more information from a pretty twisty plot. 20 - Jackie Cogan - Killing Them Softly Jackie Cogan is a hitman for today's financial climate. Jackie proves that the current recession can have an impact on his profession. He can be very intelligent and puts a lot of work into his craft. He's a tad too talky for my liking though and that's why he finds himself lower on this list. 21 - El Mariachi - El Mariachi/Desperado El Mariachi is one of the more stylish hitmen around. He carries his machine gun in his guitar case and that just oozes coolness. Did I mention that he gets to have sex with Salma Hayek? 22 - Peter Clemenza - The Godfather "Leave the gun, take the canoli." With that line, Clemenza cemented himself as a legend of cinema. It's just a shame we didn't get to see more of this rotund rogue in action. Sure, he's not in the best shape compared to the other hitmen on this list, but he's just as deadly. Just make sure he's not in the backseat when you get into a car. 23 - Joe - Looper Joe's made a living killing people sent back into the past from the future. Not a bad gig considering he never has to see the face of the people he's killing. Until Joe realizes he's been contracted to kill his future self. You'd think that would make most people question their dedication to their job. Not Joe. 24 - Hanna - Hanna Has a tween girl ever kicked more ass than Hanna? Probably not. She's like a young, pretty female Jason Bourne. She's literally been conditioned to be a deadly killing machine since she was born. Until she realizes she wants to just be a normal kid. Can she turn off her deadly side and live a normal life? Let's hope not. 25 - Harlen Maguire - Road to Perdition Part-time hitman, part-time photographer that takes pictures of crime scenes. Whatever it takes to make ends meet I guess. You'd think with the money he's making Harlen can afford to brush his teeth or something. It was kind of refreshing to see the good looking Jude Law play such a slimy, vile character. 26 - Angelo Ledda - The Memory of a Killer Angelo is the oldest hitman on the list, but I respect my elders. Besides, he still gets the job done despite his age and failing memory. You have to respect anybody who can live to be that age in his line of work. No matter how good you are, I have to think the life expectancy isn't too great. 27 - Paul - Haywire In another movie, Paul might have become a legendary hitman. He looks slick and dresses cool and is kind of enigmatic, but he's with us for such a short time. Let's be honest, he also got his ass handed to him by Gina Carano. 28 - Chuck Barris - Confessions of a Dangerous Mind Is he a game show host, is he a CIA hitman or is he just plain crazy? We may never know, but Sam Rockwell plays the real life Chuck Barris with just the right amount of wackiness and sincerity to make the film work. 29 - Ray - In Bruges I love Ray, but the hitman game is just not for him. He seems like a nice guy with a big heart, I'm not quite sure how he got wrapped up in this, but it's not gonna work out. Ray's first hit goes horribly wrong and he finds himself in Bruges as punishment and as a way to lay low. For Ray, hell would be a better place to stay. Anything's better than F'n Bruges... 30 - Vincent Vega - Pulp Fiction I know what you're thinking, how can Vince be at 30 when Jules is all the way up there at 7? HE SHOT MARVIN IN THE FACE!! That's how. I'm sorry, that just can't happen. It's bush league. Then take into account that Vince died while taking a dump and I could make the case he shouldn't even be on the list at all. The only reason I showed mercy are those groovy dance moves.

[the-master-cylinder]

SUMMARY Kate (Catherine Hickland) is driving alone down a highway in Riverton, Arizona after having left her fiancé at the altar. While driving, she hears the noise of horses galloping outside her car, but sees no one. After pulling onto the side of the road, she is whisked away in a dust cloud and disappears.

Sheriff Langley (Franc Luz) is dispatched to Kate’s abandoned car, found later that day. While pulled over, a man on a horse rides by and shoots at him. Langley exits the car, and a stray bullet hits the car’s gas tank, causing the vehicle to explode. Langley wanders by foot, stumbling upon a ghost town off the main road. After falling asleep in an empty building, he awakens the next day to various apparitions that appear to be linked to the town’s past. He meets a barmaid, Grace (Penelope Windust) and a blind gambling dealer (Bruce Glover), as well as a blacksmith and his daughter, Etta.

Meanwhile, Kate is being held captive by Devlin (Jimmie Skaggs), a zombie-like outlaw who has control over the town through a pact he made with Satan. Devlin terrorizes the souls of the town’s residents, and kills both the blacksmith and Etta after they confide in Langley. Upon discovering his modern gun to be ineffective, Langley is given an old revolver by Grace, and finds that he is able to kill Devlin’s henchmen with old bullets.

After finding Kate, Langley is hunted by Devlin’s henchmen. The two hide in the abandoned church, which Devlin and his henchmen light on fire. However, Kate and Langley escape. Outside, Langley has a shootout with Devlin, during which Langley effectively destroys him. As he and Kate leave, the souls of the town’s residents look on with approval, and the town disappears behind them.

PRODUCTION Empire’s Ghost Town, by Australian Richard Governor, produced by Tim Tennant, who is dealing here with his first horror movie after involvement with the likes of Gung Ho! and Hot Dog: The Movie. The lead role is essayed by Jimmie F. Skaggs, who has his first-ever starring part in his first-ever horror film as the demonic Devlin, a zombie gunslinger who lives-if that’s the correct word in the titular town and who ends up battling a present day sheriff who wanders in.

Experienced genre hands on the Ghost Town shoot include popular cinematographer Mac Ahlberg, stunt Coordinator Kane Hodder, the MMI makeup FX crew, which comprised Scott Coulter, Greg Johnson and Mike Deak. The FX trio, like the others, went on location in an Arizona ghost town for the five-week shoot. MMI shop foreman John Criswell and lab workers Tom Lauten, Andrew Kenneworthy and Roger McCoin also contributed to the FX workload.

So what did this combination of genre newcomers and seasoned horror vets come up with? Well, for one thing, they didn’t come up with a splatter movie. Oh, sure, we’ve all heard that before, usually from would-be auteurs who want to juke us into believing what they do is real serious art. This time, though, the “not-a-gore-film” line appears to fit.

“It’s more a Gothic horror film than a slasher film,” says producer Tennant. “It’s not what you see in the film, it’s what you don’t see.” Head zombie Skaggs allows that “it’s more like a Twilight Zone episode.” And perhaps the strongest indication of what can be expected from the movie comes from Coulter, the man in charge of Ghost Town’s prosthetics and makeup FX.

“We intentionally stayed away from gore effects in the film,’ Coulter claims. “In fact, when Devlin gets shot in the film, he does not bleed blood, he does not bleed slime. He bleeds dust. When he’s shot, dust hits fly out. We did it with squibs just like regular squibs, but instead of filling them with blood, we packed them with Fuller’s earth.”

Don’t panic. Ghost Town won’t attract Alan Alda fans. The movie contains plenty of sequences designed to raise the gooseflesh, such as a scene in which a prosthetic arm (created by Greg Johnson) gets shot off an actual one-armed man, which Coulter terms a “great” effect, as well as a zombie resurrection.

“When the sheriff comes across the ghost town, the original sheriff from 100 years ago who had been buried alive comes up out of the ground as a rotted zombie and grabs his hands to warn him,” reveals Coulter. “This is the big zombie effect in the movie, and it’s entirely a mechanical puppet. I sculpted it, and John Criswell did the mechanics.

“We shot about 35 miles away from our hotel, out in the middle of nowhere, with no electricity and no water,” he goes on. “They had to get power loaders in there to dig this big hole about six feet deep. There was a big wood platform over it, dirt over that, and a big pit where the actual puppet was. So we had to bury this thing and operate it, and it took all of us. We were grabbing grips and people off the crew to pull cables for it. There were eight or nine of us packed down underneath the thing. and it was about 185 degrees. We were in there for a number of hours, but there was a handy little trap door we could open up between takes, so it was OK. We even had a little video monitor down there so we could see what we were doing.

“The other big spectacular gags are the various things that Devlin does in the movie,” continues Coulter. “He does one really good effect. We were in this barn that was built for another movie. It was old dry wood, full of straw and stuff, and the director insisted upon using a hot iron poker in the scene. Devlin’s a walking zombie at this point in the film, and he takes this hot iron poker and pierces it into a blacksmith, lifts him off the ground, and slams him all across the barn, pinning him to the wall. The special effects guy did this amazing rig; it looked real.

“But what was funny about it was that in the barn, with dried wood and straw all over the place, we were using a 1.500-degree hot iron poker,” Coulter laughs. “I was standing by an exit. If anything happened, I was grabbing my makeup kit and getting out of there. The desert was already quite hot enough.”

Speaking of hot, Kane Hodder and stuntman Alan Marcus pulled off a seldom-seen treat for the film. “Richard Governor wanted to see a guy ignite on camera, and that presented a little problem.” admits Hodder. “If you think about it, when you see someone on fire in the movies, they usually cut from something else to that person already on fire. This was a little tricky. You couldn’t just do the regular thing where I’d come in, wait until the cameras start to roll, light Alan and then run away before the shot begins. Alan was doubling a zombie who had just been shot, and Richard wanted to see a little action of Alan first, then have him burst into flames on camera. What we did was this: Alan stumbled out of a doorway, smoking, and bumped into the door jamb, pausing for a second. I had positioned myself on the other side of the door with a torch, and I ignited him the instant he hit that door jamb. So he continued stumbling for a few steps, and then caught on fire. It worked out real well.”

Hodder echoes the others by stating that Ghost Town is not really a gore exercise. “Of course,” he adds, “there are a lot of excellent makeup effects things, but not so much of the blood-and-guts type. It’s more scary than gory.” He also believes that Skaggs’ performance is one of the brightest things about the entire film, a feeling shared by others.

“Jimmie Skaggs is the sweetest guy in the world playing the meanest guy in the world, and it’s a wonderful contrast,” asserts Tennant. “It’s a very demanding role, because of the makeup. and the hours, and the getting into it and out of it when there isn’t enough time. He’s a real pro and very powerful in the role.”

“Director Richard Governor seemed like a crazy, high energy, highly sexed, charismatic guy with a strong Australian accent… At the time, I was not sure that he had complete control of his set, but I’ve since learned the no one ever has complete control of any set.” – actor Franc Luz

MMI head John Buechler designed the appliance that converts nice guy Skaggs into the hell-on-hooves zombie. The Devlin makeup was sculpted, fabricated and applied on set by Coulter, who likewise praises the actor. “Jimmie is the best actor I ever worked with, as far as using the makeup correctly.” Coulter raves. “He is honestly better than Freddy Krueger, better than any of those guys, about using the foam latex. I watched him when he first got it, and he just sat there, right in front of the mirror, and saw what the foam could do, and then he used it. The man used his entire body, too. He had a walk, a whole attitude. He was very character-oriented. There’s a complete character there on the screen.”

“I had never worn appliances on my face before, and interestingly enough, I got used to them very quickly,” notes Skaggs. “I noticed, though, if I got warm and started to perspire, it would bubble a bit. But Scott Coulter was so experienced at this that he knew how to doctor it up so that no one would ever see. Cut a little hole, drain the sweat, then cover it back up and color it, and no one knew. I didn’t have a real problem wearing it, because once I was in makeup. I was no longer Jimmie Skaggs, and people respected that.”

Prior to the location filming, Skaggs visited the MMI studios for some pre-production work. He says he had no idea what to expect when they sat him down to cast a life mask. “They talked me through it and it all sounded very simple, so I agreed and made a few jokes about how it was like practicing Zen and the art of patience. But then they

started putting this stuff on,” he laughs. “I have never experienced anything like that in my life. It was almost total sensory deprivation. This stuff went in my ears, over my eyelids, covered my mouth. All that was left open were two little nostril holes. I was just fine … for about 15 minutes. Then, all of a sudden, I could feel this flush start to creep up from my chest through my neck up into my face and ears, and I got a little nervous. And I guess about 20 minutes into it, I thought, ‘Oh, God, I’ve got to get out of this! So I started making motions with my hands, and the guys were joking: “What do you want? A glass of water? A cigarette?’ Finally, I stood up in the chair and they got the message. They got it off and, thank God, it had set enough so they could get the mold.”

After one particularly long day in the Arizona sun, Skaggs learned another rather painful truth about the makeup FX business, thanks to some baiting by Coulter and company. As he relates it. “We went back to the trailer to take the makeup off, and everyone was tired. I was tired, Scott was tired, Mike and Greg were tired, and they were taking this stuff off. It took about two hours, and about 45 minutes into it, they were saying, ‘Oh, let’s just get this crap off. Just pull it off, Jim. I pulled that sucker-and my skin came with it! I learned very quickly that we were going to take our time.”

“Yeah,” grins Coulter. After that, he never ever complained about the length of time it took to take the makeup off.”

Stories like that, coupled with a tough shooting schedule and the remoteness of the location, might help explain why a passerby-had anyone passed by-on the last night of filming would have been treated to the bizarre spectacle of a shirtless Jimmie Skaggs, zombie appliance hanging from his face, gleefully shooting up an outhouse in the middle of the Arizona desert as whooping crew members joined in.

“It was after a whole night’s shoot,” recounts Coulter. “And it was the end of the film, you know? You don’t get an opportunity to be out in the desert firing guns very often, so we stopped in the middle of removing the makeup. Jimmie was covered in grease, his makeup half off, out there with a gun. That’s one thing I wish I’d gotten a picture of.”

Besides the performance of Skaggs (and the rest of the cast, which includes the beautiful Catherine Hickland and veteran bad guy Bruce Glover) and the special makeup FX work of the MMI crew. an outstanding facet of Ghost Town may be the film’s overall look. Tennant counts the visual quality as one of the strongest things about the movie.

“Richard Governor brought to Ghost Town a rich visual look,” asserts the producer. “Richard is one of the top commercial directors in the world, and he specializes in documentaries and TV comedies as well. This is his first theatrical picture, but down the line he’s going to be a well-known director because of his tremendous visual sense. He’s a terrific painter of pictures, and the film has a great look because of that. The negative side of it is that he falls in love with everything he sees, in terms of how he stylizes things. He fell so much in love with the images in the picture that when he went into editing, he wanted everything to stay. But everything can’t stay. You’ve got to get away from it, and he couldn’t do it. So he ran into trouble in the editing room.

“Richard is in love with the Gothic horror look, and with European film,” Tennant adds. “Empire, on the other hand, is more bang-bang bang!-get it into a fever pitch and keep it that way to the end. Richard’s cut is more romantic. It has more transition between scenes: it’s not a hard-cut film. There is more of a romantic form after the violence. That’s what he wanted, and that’s what we shot.”

Richard Governor did something very smart in this film,” elaborates Coulter. At the beginning, he shot not the effects, and not the stuff that Empire wants to show in their films. He shot the characters. He spent a great deal of time shooting them and shooting the gravy stuff, the extra stuff, not just the essential storyline. So when it comes time to shoot the stuff that Empire wants to see, that’s when you’re running out of time. But at the same time, he has a strong human story in there now.”

Although Tennant concedes with rancor that Empire knows its market, he also makes it clear that he preferred the director’s original cut, which was paced a bit too leisurely for Empire. “Empire knows their genre better than I do,” he states. “They know their market, and they’re exactly right about that market. But there’s not much you can do to speed up Ghost Town because of the type of film it is.

“A Western is just slower-paced,” Tennant sights. “It’s not modern day cops and robbers, where you have chase scenes with cars. It’s a Western, and you have chase scenes with horses, and a horse doesn’t go as fast as a car. It’s not a car screeching around a corner, it’s a horse turning a corner, and the two are different. You just can’t make things move faster than the period lets them.”

CAST/CREW Directed Richard McCarthy

Produced Larry Carroll

Written Duke Sandefur

Story David Schmoeller

Franc Luz as Langley Catherine Hickland as Kate Jimmie F. Skaggs as Devlin Penelope Windust as Grace Bruce Glover as Dealer Zitto Kazann as Blacksmith Blake Conway as Harper Laura Schaefer as Etta Michael Alldredge as Bubba

CREDITS/REFERENCES/SOURCES/BIBLIOGRAPHY Fangoria#75

Ghost Town (1988) Retrospective SUMMARY Kate (Catherine Hickland) is driving alone down a highway in Riverton, Arizona after having left her fiancé at the altar.

[swipestream]

Celebrating Memorial Day… With Zombies!

On this Memorial Day, when we stop to pay our respects to the fallen, I think it’s apt to remember the veterans of a wholly different war, a war in which the fallen got back up and began wandering around, looking for people to eat. I present to you: THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!

Z Nation is yet another low budget SyFy series, this time about a group of survivors of the zombie apocalypse who wander the country fighting zombies. Well, what the hell were you expecting?

The most surprising thing about Z Nation is that it is better than The Walking Dead. TWD might have the production values, and better actors, but Z Nation doesn’t have the luxury of wasting time for an entire season. It has to entertain the audience every episode, and by gum and by golly, that’s what they try to do. The plots are sometimes ludicrous, the new zombie breeds which pop up are occasionally eye rolling, but they kill zombies every episode and work their asses off to make it entertaining.

One episode features a caravan of vehicles being attacked by a new breed of fast zombies while bandits try to steal one of the convoy’s vehicles. The main characters crawl along the outside of the tractor-trailer in the vanguard, shooting bandits and zombies, being forced back as the zoms jump on the truck and come after our heroes. As should have happened, many a zom is splattered by the 18-wheeler’s wheels. The action is clearly shot, and the chase suitably entertaining, so it works.

Then there’s the episode that features multiple mercenary groups having a shootout in a small town, all the while creating new zombies from their competitors or releasing old ones someone wisely locked away behind closed doors. People get blown away or blown up, eaten by zombies, or just turn zom and start chomping on those what done them in. The main characters have to sneak through the mess, pursuing the same target as the mercenaries, a man they’ve dragged across the country, just to have him escape.

Every episode is packed full with a maximum of zombie killing action, or other kinds of kinetic entertainment, and a minimum of talky-talky bits. Zombies get shot down, blown up, piked by a spiked aluminum baseball bat (later upgraded with electricity), or just stabbed in the cranium. After each kill, the survivors say “I give you mercy”, a small reminder to honor the person the zombie once was.

I’m not claiming this is great or legendary television, it’s no Justified or Firefly, but it is earnest, entertaining, and for fans of the zombie genre, well worth watching.

State of Decay 2 is not nearly so entertaining. A sequel to 2013’s zombie apocalypse open world sandbox base management game on Xbox Live, the developers have gone the unusual step of listening to fan’s complaints and fixing nearly every one. Tired of playing on the same map over and over? BAM, SoD2 gives you three! Tired of people in your settlement running off every five minutes and getting themselves et by zombies? BAM! Now they stay in place, doing useful things back at base. Tired of getting charged “Influence” to pull out a few bullets to save the entire settlement from a zombie horde? BAM! Now there’s no charge to fill your pockets with sweet zombie killing lead.

They removed most of the annoyances, but they also removed most of the heart. State of Decay had a story. A thin story, but it ran through the entire game and made all your searching for supplies and building bases and killing zombies mean something. Your actions saved people. People you hated turned into allies, people you thought friends became bitter enemies, and through it all more and more secrets of the zombie plague killing the citizens of Trumbull Valley were revealed.

State of Decay 2 has no story. Most of the main quests are procedurally generated and quickly become highly repetitive. Each type of leader—Warlord, Trader, Builder, or Sheriff—has a unique series of events culminating in an epic final showdown, but none of them feature recurring NPCs, either as allies or protagonists. They’re pretty much just another set of procedurally generated missions, not notably more involving than those that were actually generated at random.

The gameplay can be fun, but usually it’s just kind of grindy. Here’s why it can be entertaining:

I’m on a routine mission, like the dozens of others I’ve already completed, and I’m running zombies over with my truck (preparatory to dismounting and killing a special zombie). Then something goes wrong with the truck, and I’m stuck. Zombies start tearing doors off my vehicle. I get dragged out of the driver’s seat by a zombie and dumped on the ground. Just then, another mob of 8 zombies show up and surround me. “I’m dead,” I say. Then I dodge away from a score of grasping hands, and start running backward, pot shotting zombies in the head with my last 10 bullets. I kill all but three, and have to take them on with my sword that’s already breaking. It breaks while I’m chopping limbs off the zeds, and I have to kill the last zom with the screwdriver in my pocket. (This really happened during play, exactly as described.)

These kinds of chaotic moments are nerve-wracking fun, but for all its flaws, the original State of Decay was better at providing them. Most of the fun of the first game was in sneaking across the city, avoiding zombies because even one could prove a difficult fight that might draw in more and more, quietly entering buildings and rummaging through boxes, drawers, and crates to scavenge a handful of bullets or a packet of potato chips. It was tense, and that’s why it was fun.

At any moment your character could die without hope of restoration (no reloading previous saves), meaning all the time invested in leveling up his skills had now gone to waste and your settlement might be forced to depend on a different character who might be injured or falling asleep on his feet, hence simply incapable of fighting a zombie or fleeing from one. Yet they’re the only character you have, and your base is short on food and meds, meaning the people are starving and getting sick, so someone has to go out into the ruined city crawling with Z’s…

The second game is just not as tense, just not as nerve-wracking, and that leeches most of the challenge and enjoyment from the game. I played State of Decay a lot, and unfortunately its successor doesn’t seem to have the same staying power. Even with the Legacy bonuses (permanent bonuses provided to later settlements, if you beat the game) and persistent characters (you can pick up to three survivors from previous games to start a new game with. Of course, if they die they’re gone forever.) These do add replay value, but not enough to compensate for flat, uninvolving, and repetitive gameplay. (Or the bugs. So many bugs, but not as much as the first game.)

Z Nation is consistently entertaining, State of Decay 2 only entertaining in spurts, and then only for a short length of time. In a zombie to zombie deathmatch, Z Nation wins hands down.

Jasyn Jones, better known as Daddy Warpig, is a host on the Geek Gab podcast, a regular on the Superversive SF livestreams, and blogs at Daddy Warpig’s House of Geekery. Check him out on Twitter.

Celebrating Memorial Day… With Zombies! published first on https://medium.com/@ReloadedPCGames

[memoriesofprojectkids-blog]

The Crackhead

The Crackhead As the blood slowly dried up the side of his mouth, I thought he was dead. He’d been lying still for the past thirty minutes and no one had even bothered trying to help him up.. If he was dead, an ambulance would come to take him and if he was alive, then he was no longer their problem. I’d just witnessed the worst beat down I’d ever seen in my life and I just kept wondering…..is he dead? It was the middle of the afternoon during the fall of ’87. Me and some of the other neighborhood kids were playing basketball in Vegas playground inside of our project. Vegas wasn’t the formal name for the playground, however, this became its adopted name because it was the main place for gambling in the projects and in the immediate area. Within the projects, many people sold drugs but one of the unofficial rules was no one sold in the main playground areas where most of the neighborhood kids would play. Maybe it wasn’t an official “rule” but more like a guideline. In fact, with it being the 80’s and shootouts being common, Vegas saw its fair share of action. What was also becoming more common was crack. The crack cocaine epidemic hit the inner cities fast and hard. It initially started out as a party drug but its cheap price and highly addictive nature turned out to be far more potent than most people bargained for. I can vividly remember neighbors who were “normal” one day and then seemingly overnight become a crackhead. It was similar to watching a zombie flick in how, once they got bit, they were gone. Additionally, these weren’t just anonymous people who appeared from out of the blue. These were mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, uncles and aunts. For me, some were those I considered to be my old heads and close neighbors. As a kid, you didn’t really see the actual transition. One day they were regular and the next thing you knew they were stoned out of their mind asking a nine year old kid could they “borrow” his Excite Bike Nintendo game. Equally disturbing was the violence which surrounded the crack game. Seeing gunfights and knowing individuals who were shot, paralyzed and even killed, became a common thing. But at the same time, it didn’t really seem strange. If you witnessed these scenes regularly it appeared rather ordinary. Some people would say it resembled the movies, but I don’t agree. A movie has a start, a middle and an ending. Then the credits roll. In the movies there’s a script and an angle. In real life, stuff just happened no slow motion movements, no camera shot of a menacing character pulling their gun and no sad music playing in the background as someone is laid out on the cold concrete with a bullet to the chest. To make matters worse, economic times were very rough in the 80’s. You know the hood motto for the Reagan era “The rich get richer and the poor don’t get a f*ckin thing”. In the eyes of many black youth, they had two choices: One was working at McDonald’s and the other was selling drugs on the corner. A lot of people took option B. Not, to say it was the right choice because as I became older and understood economics, I realized if you started out at McDonald’s as a teen and worked your way up to least a mid-level job in corporate, you would make a lot more money (and have better job security) than standing out on a corner, but those types of lessons aren’t taught in schools. It was the middle of the afternoon in the fall of 1987. Although the neighborhood hustlers didn’t openly sell drugs where kids were playing, there were no rules to where they kept their drug stash. Within the neighborhood and especially amongst the kids, we all kind of knew where they hid their drugs. In a bag of chips behind the bushes. Under the third bench next to the monkey bars. By the sewer grate next to the abandoned car. It was just common knowledge. On that day, as we were playing basketball on one of the crates, we saw a crackhead, wandering around the playground area. Normal. What wasn’t normal was how he kept pacing back and forth, looking around. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what he was trying to do and it also didn’t take him long to find what he was looking for. After a few minutes, his eyes caught a small bag, hidden behind some bushes. Initially, he seemed as if he wanted to be a bit more covert but he just dipped down, grabbed the bag and then looked around nervously. A second later, one of the kids playing ball with us, ran around the corner and told some of the hustlers what happened. Seconds later, another older guy at the end of playground shouted, “A yo Dave, one of them smokers grabbed ya stash.” The crackhead began to fidget and then nervously walked away from where he’d grabbed the stash. He must have been already high because as he walked through us kids, he actually tried to hide in my friend’s jacket……. while my friend has his jacket on! My friend shoved him away and the crackhead began to try and getaway. When I say getaway, I mean he ran into the house of one of his relatives and locked the door. “Oh shit, here come Dave now!” The dealer whose stash was stolen went to check his spot and immediately began to walk in the direction where people were pointing out the crackhead. His crew was behind him as they walked across the playground to where the crackhead was staying. Soon, dozens of people were standing in front of the house, waiting for Dave and his crew to get there. For me, I didn’t have to go far, the house was right next door (more on that later). Dave and his crew walked up to the door and kicked it. The door didn’t give way but it shook the frame. They banged on the door and one of them tried to pull the knob off. Someone inside quickly peeked out the front curtain and then closed it. After a few seconds a woman slowly opened the door “I know..I…I…I know what he did was wrong but he not here, he left…..” she said as Dave and his crew tossed her out of the way. By now there were at least 30-40 people standing around outside the home, me being one of them. You couldn’t really see much but you could hear the punches, the kicks and the sound of someone getting hit with a chair. Suddenly one of the guys said, “take this nigga outside!”. Soon the crowd parted as Dave and his crew dragged the crackhead out, into the front yard. They then proceeded, to stomp and beat the man into the ground. There were only a few punches because after about 5 seconds the guy was laid flat out in the dirt. They then proceeded to stomp him to the point in which he was just motionless. As they stood over him, a few of the guys spit on him and tried to wake him back up to no avail. Then, Dave, the leader of the crew began to look around and saw a large slap of concrete at the side of the garden. I can’t give any logical explanation for why a giant piece of concrete was just lying around but it was the projects and……random items just happened to be lying around. Dave then went over, picked up the concrete over top of his head and looked around at the crowd. Not one person uttered a phrase to prevent what was going to happen, everyone just stood there with their mouths open. He then slammed the concrete onto the back of the man who let out a yelp. It wasn’t a holler or scream but a yelp. The man writhed in pain as Dave and his crew slowly walked away, as the crowd began to dissipate. Since I lived next door, I stood there for a few minutes wondering if the guy was going to ever get up. About an hour later, was when the two police officers saw him on the ground and checked on him. They tried to ask him some questions but he was unresponsive, so they surveyed the area and simply walked away. By now everything in the projects was back to normal, with the exception of a man who probably had just had his spinal cord broken lying on the ground. To provide some insight, I would like to provide some closure on what happened to the man. Did he live? Did an ambulance ever come and take him? Was he permanently damaged? I honestly don’t know. The last image I have of the man is of him on the ground with people causally walking by him. Many years later, as a young adult, I saw Dave again. In fact, I’d seen him numerous times since the incident but because of the age difference, we never really spoke and we rarely were in the same circles. However we both happened to be at Joe, the neighborhood barber. Joe and another customer had also been there that day and for some reason, someone asked Dave about the incident. Interestingly enough, Dave expressed heartfelt regret over the situation. As life progressed, he’d learned a lot about the world and had gone on to college, finished graduate school and started a family. In his previous life, he explained how he didn’t really think about the consequences of his actions. Yet, life had taught him many lessons which he’d learned to carry on and become a productive member of society. He now does spoken word poetry and you can see him at numerous venues around the city. I doubt if he’ll go into these kind of tales, but from what I can say, he’s honestly a great guy and a great role model to the youth. Reflecting on this incident, there were so many contradicting and powerful aspects to it. With the crack cocaine era being a prominent aspect of life, such violence was not unheard of. At the time, many people felt it was worth it but when you talk with those who were involved that world, most wish they’d chosen another path. After 10-15 years, it became common to see both users and dealers not living the most comfortable lives. Personally, I also learned a very important lesson which remained within me throughout my youth. I’d always understood this but it became deeply embedded in me when I saw the rock being slammed on that man’s back. The lesson was……. SAY NO TO DRUGS!