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dxwnfxll · 1 year ago

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Giving more to the plus size readers

Tw: this will be angsty, involve body shaming, fatphobia and bullying!

As always Amar replaces Shaw/Bright

Doctors finding out you're getting bullied for your weight

(Romantic)

Dr. Amar

You and Amar met in such a cliche way, you had become his assistant. You hadn't thought it as a big deal until you were called into a meeting discussing making your own will. So for the first few months you were terrified of the guy, but she acted different towards you. She definitely had her 'insane' moments, but they usually tried to keep you out of them (if they were dangerous at least). She was also touchy towards you, sitting next to you at lunch or standing too close to you. Then he asked the question and y'all started going out huzzah!

Y'all have been dating for 2 years and a week by now, Amar loved you more than anything. She was the type to uplift you whenever you felt down, they knew how some people could be. Oh and he just adored how you loved yourself even after people tried to pull you down, but today was different.

She was in his office finishing off some work that had a very near deadline, when all of a sudden you walked in. Amar smiled at you before noticing how you looked, you were looking at the floor and sounded as if you were sniffling. Amar practically jumped up asking a million questions over what happened, why were you crying. And when you explained what happened, Amar was the embodiment of rage.

The next time you saw the person who had been body shaming you, they had piles and i mean PILES of work on their desk. They didn't even have enough time to look up and see you were snapping a pic of them from your phone. You sent the pic to Amar asking 'did you cause this?' And the only response you received was a smiley face and a heart.

Dr. Clef

Dr. Clef is plus sized himself and doesn't take kindly to people who bully others for no reason. He's a sadistic asshole but he ain't a monster, he had met you during a training he had been instructed to do. He was semi impressed that you weren't acting like an idiot unlike your colleagues.

He expected to not see you again but very slowly it seemed as if you were in all of his projects and assignments. Always on his team and he figured out why, you had just replaced one of his old researchers that had an 'early retirement'.

He grew close to you as you didn't seem to mind his..eccentric personality. You were also a tad bit eccentric in your own way so you two got along pretty well. Eventually the two of you started dating yippee! He always expected to come into where he needed to be and see you smiling, but today was different.

He came into one of the labs expecting to see you smile and wave but instead you just quietly worked, it was odd and even uncomfortable for it to be so quiet. He had also noticed how you were further away from everyone else. He was a smart man and could put two and two together, something obviously had happened before he got here.

So he casually pulled you out and of course no one questioned it, when he pulled you out he asked what had happened. Which you tried to downplay by acting dumb cause you didn't want to cause any scene since he can be a liiiiittle bit over dramatic.

Once you finally did tell him what had happened, which was that one of the people in the group had decided to body shame you. Clef looked BEYOND pissed, he took a breath before telling you to stay put. You tried to follow him to calm him down but he just looked at you and pointed his finger to the ground "stay.put." he said before walking in.

You stood out in the hallway watching as researchers passed by, until finally he opened the door wiping off something on his face. He grinned at you before putting an arm around you and dragging you away to work on an independent project together (which was a 'date' in his room where y'all just cuddled and watched tv together)

Dr. Kondraki

You and Konny had met during a mission together, you were an MTF a low level MTF at that. But he got along with you, he began to request you on missions and before you knew it you were promoted a couple times while working with him.

It had been speculated that he helped in some way to get you your promotions, but no one ever actually said that to your face. Maybe cause they were scared of Kondrakis 'wrath', one day though one of the MTF in the training room decided to confront you about your promotions.

They had told you, that you were undeserving of them. That obviously Kondraki had something to do with it since you were well, big. And obviously since you were big to this person and others you shouldn't even be an MTF. You cried of course cause you did work hard, you weren't the stereotype that many people painted bigger people. And before you could run off to cry a voice was heard.

"I didn't help them." You looked up through teary eyes to see your boyfriend Kondraki, hands in his pockets and looking pissed. "I didn't even help my son with his promotions what makes you think I'd help them?" The MTF backed up looking as if they were gonna piss themself as Kondraki continued "now if you're done making up petty rumors I'd like to take my partner home." He said before grabbing your hand and dragging you away.

He may not have made their life a living hell like Ambrose, or uh murdered them like Clef. But he embarrassed the fuck out of them in front of everyone so yippee!

Dr. Iceberg

Iceberg was the least expected to have a partner, let alone a plus size one. He's never actually bodyshamed anyone but he has insulted people for their looks before. Hell it was a shock to everyone that the newest researcher in the site was caught kissing Iceberg in his office.

This of course caused rumors to spread, a lot of crazy rumors. Lots of people had it in their head that Iceberg was 'stuck' with you now, no one ever actually saying that to his face though. People had come up with this since Iceberg never seemed happy around you, always looking agitated or unhappy. Little did these people know he just had a case of 'resting bitch face'.

One day a person had come up to Iceberg during dinner time, you had walked off to grab you and his food as he looked over some files. As the person sat down he didn't even care to look up at them not even a hello. The person spoke though "what's up between you and the cow?"

He paused almost dropping his file as he looked at them "what." The person went on a small tangent about how almost everyone had guessed he was in some unhappy relationship. And before he could finish his tangent Iceberg backhanded them before just getting up and walking over to you. You were completely oblivious as he carried y'alls food with one hand and held your hand with the other practically dragging you out.

You had no clue what had happened as you never really paid attention to any rumors being spread around, and Iceberg kept what had happened to himself. But you did notice how people started to treat you much nicer at work.

Dr. Glass

You were one of Glasses patients, just a regular researcher who had been dealing with a poor body image. Glass had thought you were cute and he enjoyed your company, so sometimes he would hang out with you outside of work. He always complimented you and showed how much he loved you, he wanted to help build some self love for yourself not only as your therapist but as your partner.

He was so sure he was making progress too, you had started wearing more cuter clothes. Started acting more confident and he had even caught you a couple times practicing his self love exercises he had made for you. Then one day he had an emergency therapy session, and he got worried when he saw it had been placed by you. He thought you had seen something extremely traumatic or worse.

When you came in sobbing with your lab coat buttoned up fully and your sleeves all the way down he got even more worried. It took a bit to get what had happened out of you but when he heard it he felt so many emotions at once. Anger, sadness, pain, you were in his office crying because someone had decided to bodyshame you. They practically cornered you and bombarded you with insults even going as far as to question if Glass even loved you.

They had tried to convince you that Glass only saw you as a patient, that he didn't actually care he just wanted to 'fix' you. Glass was beyond pissed but took the time to assure you that you were handsome/beautiful/good looking. That he did love you and to never doubt those feelings, after that though once he had you asleep on his couch for the moment. He walked over to his computer contacting a couple higher up friends with names, ranks and asking if these people could make great D-class. Scary boi

°Bonus°

Mikell Amar

Mikell and you had grown up together, the stereotypical girl next door. Except you had a poor self image, you usually wore more covering clothes and sometimes didn't even go outside due to how bad your anxiety made you feel that everyone was laughing at you.

Until one day a handsome cowboy knocked on your door, you knew who he was. After all your parents always talked about those 'weird Ambroses' but this guy didn't seem so weird. He came over asking if you had soup to spare as he had run out and his younger brother TJ had gotten sick from his sister Claire. You of course gave him some soup and since then you both became pretty good friends.

After that you two started hanging out, you even going over to help with his family. Eventually you both got married and you became 'Mrs/Mx/Mr Amar', he was very caring towards you and due to his 'mean dog' personality not many people dared to say anything about you.

You're actually kinda protected with him around luckily, but that didn't mean you were invincible to hate. Just like your parents had done to your husbands family, new neighbors were now saying stuff behind your back about you. And Mikell when he had been off duty made the mistake of inviting the family over for a barbeque. Everything was going fine until the husband of the family had started talking to him, the conversation was fine at first until he started questioning your appearance.

Asking first if you were pregnant or if you had just let yourself go, Mikell immediately stopped drinking from his paper cup as he listened questioning what the guy meant. To which he continued to mock your weight and even went as far as to compare his wife to you, after that a whole ass brawl happened. Mikell giving the guy a broken nose and breaking a table in the process. After that the neighbors didn't come over much anymore-

Hope y'all liked this!! I've been working on this for four whole days 💀

Requests opened as always!!

#scp #scp foundation #scp fandom #scp fanfiction #scp x reader #scp mikell bright #scp mikell bright x reader #scp dr clef #scp dr clef x reader #scp dr glass x reader #scp dr bright x reader #scp dr glass #scp iceberg #scp iceberg x reader #scp dr kondraki #scp dr kondraki x reader #scp dr amar #scp dr amar x reader

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darkmaga-returns · 23 days ago

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Alan Pell Crawford

Oct 31, 2024

Areport from Forbes that “at least 100 billionaires” were supporting either the former President Donald Trump or Vice President Kamala Harris points once again to the unseemly involvement of rich Americans in their own country’s elections.

So much earnest handwringing over this news can be expected in coming weeks that La Roche-Posay hand cream sales will go through the roof and send stock in L’Oreal, which owns La Roche-Posay, soaring. Even the factories producing O’Keefe’s Working Hands (this for the manliest among us) are said to be doubling production.

It is only the billionaires backing Trump, of course, that worry the somber guardians of “our democracy.” Those backing Harris—and Forbes says there were far more Harris supporters among the billionaires than Trumpers—are a-okay.

Leaving that aside, the undue influence of “fat cats”—a term dating at least to 1928—has been a subject of much discussion for most of our history, especially among those who see it as their mission to reform this messy system. If they cannot locate a golden age in which elections were conducted with less meddling by the malefactors of great wealth, they can at least look toward a better day.

It will of course take some doing to get there. Rich people have had the audacity to involve themselves in our elections since the beginning of our republic—I mean, our democracy—and show few signs of doing otherwise. Even George Washington, who could not tell a lie, spent his money to advance himself in politics.

Almost all his successors have used their resources (and those of their sponsors) to fund their campaigns; those in recent years who didn’t start out rich when they entered politics ended up among the one percent, and that includes those who fancy themselves among the reformers and whom we continue to regard as such.

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divinegrey · 2 years ago

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𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 / 𝐯𝐢𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐟!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

this is spicy but not the kind of spicy you're thinking. hope you enjoy!

prompt: if it's alright, may i please ask for a spicy viper x femreader prompt wherein viper tries to seduce her but reader is very oblivious about it to the point viper gets frustrated. Thank uuu!!

words: 1400

warnings: fade being a wingwoman, viper being dommy mommy, reader being a bottom, implied nsfw content

“Is it just me, or does Viper seem more annoyed than usual?” You ask, dipping a carrot into some hummus before biting into it with a loud SNAP! Fade, laying across your lap with a book in her hand, reaches for a carrot and some hummus of her own.

“I wonder why,” Fade says airily, absorbed in the contents of whatever the book is. You give a curious glance down at her; Fade is a person who knows a lot of things. With a roll of your eyes, you yank the book out of her hands. She blinks once. “Was that necessary?”

“Yes, because I need you, my dear informant of the shadows, to tell me why Viper is mad at me.”

Fade sits up, a carrot hanging halfway out of her mouth. “Because you have been extraordinarily oblivious to Viper’s fairly obvious attempts to seduce you.”

The words cause you to choke on air. “W— what?!”

The Turkish bounty hunter is exasperated, falling onto the cushions with an overly loud groan. “Aye, inanılmazsın. Y/N, you can’t be serious. Did you really think that Viper purchasing flowers for you was a matter of friendliness? Or her putting her hand on your waist while you were cooking? Or her leaning down to whisper in your ear despite not needing to?”

Fade’s words, one after the other, jog the memories of these very specific situations, some of which Fade wasn’t even present for. How she knows about them is beyond you, but you’re left examining the subtext of all these prior moments and realizing that no, Viper was not just being friendly, and that you’re a huge fucking idiot.

You put your face into your hands, turning red at Fade’s laughter.

“And she finally realizes it! Huzzah! We’re all saved, fucking finally,” Fade remarks, clapping her hands onto her thighs. “I’m going to choke if I have to see Viper stare at you like she wants to tear you apart again.”

Your head shoots upward. “Like she what?!”

— — —

After the revelation, you make no move. Instead, you find yourself in Viper’s lab, humming as you work on a mission report that Brimstone needs to send to the execs. Viper is hard at work, leaning over some complicated machines. You’re scared to ask what she’s doing, not out of fear that she’ll be mad with you, but that you’ll understand nothing about it. Science was never one of your strong suits.

But… it might lend well for you to test your theory.

“Hey, Viper?” You say softly, turning away from the laptop.

“Yes?” Viper doesn’t look away, clicking some buttons on a piece of machinery with latex gloves over her hands.

“Whatcha working on?” You stand up from the stool, walking over with your arms folded behind your back. At the sound of footsteps, Viper glances up and over her shoulder. Her emerald eyes fall onto you, and you don’t miss the way her eyes flick down, then back up.

“DNA sequencing. I’m cross-breeding strains of flowers to concoct a new type of venom and I need to ensure I get the correct sequences into the gametes for the best results,” Viper readily explains, and it confirms your earlier thoughts that you don’t understand science, not one bit.

“So this thing,” you say, gesturing to the machine. “It’s reading DNA?”

“Scanning it and determining the order of nucleotide bases, I’ve already figured out which ones do what I want,” Viper says, placing her hands on the black countertop. You lean your hip against it, folding your arms over your chest and giving her an encouraging smile to continue. Viper’s face remains impassive. “I merely need to cross the chromosomes at the correct sites, and then fuse the offspring together once they’re ready for pollination. Once that’s complete, I have to mature the flower until it’s ready for harvest.”

With a click of your tongue, you say, “Sounds like it’s going to take a while. Hopefully you have some… thing to keep you busy, while you’re waiting.”

Hook, line, and sinker. Viper sees the bait, you know she does, judging by the way she tilts her head just a centimeter down and her eyes narrow. Your heart pounds inside of your chest as you lean back on the countertop.

Viper shifts to the side, her height dwarfing you easily. She stands in front of you, placing her palms on either side of your own and caging you in against the counter.

“Do correct me if I’m wrong—” Viper’s voice is low, throaty in the way that it sounds when she first wakes up. You have to suppress the chill that runs down your spine. “But I can’t help but think you’re insinuating something. Is that right?”

“You’re correct,” you whisper, swallowing the nerves in your throat. “Figured I should— uh—”

Viper steps closer, her legs brushing against yours.

“Return the favor,” you finish your sentence, albeit rushed. You take a deep breath, then repeat, “Figured I should return the favor. If you’re… still interested.”

You feel like a mere mouse being sized up by the biggest apex predator you’ve ever seen. Viper is not just a snake— she’s a goddamn King Cobra, black-scaled and green eyes that could kill any man on sight. You know that if Viper wanted to, she could easily reduce you down to nothingness, and it sends a thrill down your spine.

Viper tilts her head an inch to the side. “Didn’t think you’d be so bold, little mouse. Didn’t think you were interested, either.”

“Sabine,” you whisper, your voice a drawl. Something in Viper’s eyes lights up at the usage of her name, said so reverently. “You should know that I’m very oblivious. Things need to be spelled out for little ol’ me.”

“Spelled out?” Viper echoes your words. She leans back just enough to snap off the gloves on her hands, balling them up. She tosses them to the side and you get whiplash at how fast her hand moves after, sliding around your throat. Her mouth drifts close to yours and you find yourself tilting upward for a kiss that never comes. Instead, Viper merely ducks her head to your ear, then lets out the softest sigh, one that sends heat straight down your body, one that makes you think of other ways you could hear that very sound.

“Fuck.” The curse from your mouth comes out strangled. You grab onto her coat, fisting the white fabric tightly.

“I’ve been watching,” Viper murmurs into the shell of your ear, her breath warm. “I’ve been watching, little mouse, and I want. I want to make you scream, I want to make you moan, I want to make you cry, and I want to make you fall apart in my hands. Is that spelled out enough for you, mouse?”

Oh, god.

“Please kiss me,” you ask. Viper’s eyes shine.

“No,” Viper replies, and your heart sinks into your stomach. “I don’t think I will. How unfair of you to make me wait yet demand a kiss of me once you finally come to your senses. No, you’re going to wait your turn like a good little girl, and let me finish my work. Do you understand?”

You’ve never felt a heat like this burn inside of you before. It’s all encompassing, threatening to swallow you whole. Nodding shakily, you say, “Yes, ma’am. I understand.”

“So obedient,” Viper says, tracing her finger along your jaw. “Go back to your seat, finish your report. Do what I ask, and I’ll give you the world.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

She grins, and you swear you see rows of sharp teeth in her mouth before shaking yourself out of your delirium. Viper purrs, “Good girl.”

Stepping to the side, she releases you from her hold and you feel like you’ve just been choked by a boa constrictor as you amble back to your seat.

Holy fucking shit.

You’re not going to survive once she’s through with you.

~~~~~ A/N: WHEW goddaMN i love viper when she's mean

#viper x reader #valorant viper x reader #viper #viper valorant #sabine callas #viper imagines #valorant #valorant fanfiction #valorant x reader #valorant imagines

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vankeppel · 3 years ago

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Age of Piracy au (bc I don’t have a name yet lol)

It rained the day Captain Clinton arrived to the island. Due to the weather, the induction ceremony was hurried, a simple gift of a sword and seal, along with a shake of the hand.

Obviously, there hadn’t been much of a crowd, though a few dedicated ones had shown up. There was one face, though, that stood out to the Captain. A young man with his arms crossed, his dark hair tied back, though a few thick strands hung in front of his face, which was contorted into a glare.

Stepping into his new office, Clinton had greater concerns. The space was spartan, just the way he liked it. Dark wood, some maps and nautical instruments sprawled out. There were a few books on the shelf behind the desk. Charmed, he gently picked one up, wondering if it could be something he might read for later. Opening the front, he found it marked by the looped initials “R.H.”

He glanced around the office. Perhaps it had belonged to his predecessor, who he did not know. Clinton had no sooner come ashore from the war than he was told to be the naval commandant of the island.

He figured he might as well begin the amount of introductory paperwork, when a knock at the door sounded.

He wasn’t even able to answer it before the person barged in. It was the same man he’d seen earlier.

“Don’t touch anything!”

Clinton was taken aback. “Huh?”

The man pushed past him, scooping up objects in his arms, including those books.

“Excuse me? Who are you and just what are you doing in here?” Clinton exclaimed once he recovered from the sudden interruption, turning on his heel to face the man.

“I could ask you the same thing!” The man was indignant as he struggled to carry numerous objects, including a small globe.

“They said they would leave the office alone. I wasn’t told until today that you would show up.” The man muttered under his breath, though Clinton certainly heard him.

Clinton was trying to figure out a response to such a rude intrusion when the man began to drop a few objects.

“No!” The man scrambled to pick up the objects, which was awkward with what was still left in his arms.

“Now, hold on a moment.” Clinton came over and began to unload some of the objects back onto the table, helping to pick up the dropped items too.

“What’s all this about?” Clinton stared the man down, who he now realized was much taller than him.

The man sighed. “This office was my brother’s. I’m collecting his things.”

“Oh. He left them behind?” Either his predecessor had been horribly disorganized, or the government had thrown him out too fast for him to get his bearings. The latter scenario could not bode well for the man talking his place.

“‘Course he did. He expected to come back, after all.” The young man scowled, eyes darkening.

“Ah.”

The man let out a huff, gently picking up the objects again.

“Hang on, let me help you.” Clinton found a wooden crate, began loading the books in there.

“My brother, you’re taking his place. Of course, you could never replace him.” The man did not hide the disdain in his tone.

Clinton smiled thinly. The man continued.

“You seem not to know much, but there was a pirate who used to terrorize this region. He was called “Gentleman Johnny” though for sure he was no gentleman. Looted and pillaged us, he did. My brother, Richard, made it his mission to take him down. Chased him all around the gulf, never stopping until he would bring Johnny to hang.

There was a hurricane or something a little over a year ago, that’s what the survivor said. Said he saw both Richard and Johnny’s ships go down.”

Clinton’s face softened. Oh.

“Of course, I couldn’t replace him. He sounded like a good man. I’m sorry.”

The man looked at him sharply. “I never said he was dead. He just hasn’t come back is all. Johnny can be good as dead, but I know Richard’s still out there, trying to get home.”

Clinton, who had his own fair share of bereavement, merely nodded. The poor man.

“And the damn thing is, everyone assumes it’s Richard who died, but the cunning “Gentleman Johnny” somehow survived. Damn them!” The man slammed his palm on the desk, causing it to rattle.

After an awkward silence, Clinton spoke.

“Really, sir, I’m sorry. I hope he returns.” He said softly.

“I don’t need your condolences. You shouldn’t even be here.” The man grabbed the crate, proceeded to the door.

“Hold on, I didn’t quite catch your name?” Clinton would need to speak to the governor about this lad later.

The man turned to look at him, eyes dark and determined. “William. William Howe.”

———

He watched out of his good eye as the Royal ship burned in the water. Fire crackled as it ate the wooden sinews. The wind blew slightly, and he absentmindedly grasped at the pendant he wore around his neck, thumbing over the engraved RH on it.

“Ay. Cap’in would like to see ya in his quarters.” A voice interrupted.

“Fine. Thank you.” The man turned from the railing, heading past the crew drunk on celebration.

“Huzzah for Black Dick!” They slurred. He rolled his eye as he continued to the cabin.

“Another success! A toast, Dick.” Captain “Gentleman Johnny” raised his small glass, grinning wickedly.

“You know I don’t drink.” Dick merely sat down at the table.

“Exactly. Means more for me.” Johnny poured himself another glass, downing one after the other.

“And yet, what did this really bring us?” The captain collapsed dramatically in his chair, looked at his second in command.

“Keeps the crew happy.”

“Ah, they know it ain’t much. We’ve been scraping by on the fringes for months now. Near a whole year, now that I think of it. To have to hide our faces like this...” Johnny sneered.

“I’m sick of it, old boy. It should be those Royal cowards who are afraid to show themselves.”

Dick looked at him through his one good eye, his expression unmoving.

Johnny cracked a smile. “Ooo, forgive my choice of words there. I assumed the wounds wouldn’t hurt as much now.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Dick shrugged.

“That’s the problem with you. Silent as a rock!” Johnny laughed as he got up, patting Dick on the shoulder before refilling his glass.

“No, what I’m getting at is it’s time for us to fight, really fight. Again. No more hiding like prey.” Johnny wagged a finger.

“So, is this finally your grand return?” Dick asked.

Johnny crouched beside the chair, slung an arm around him. “Our grand return. How would you like to go home, Richard?”

#Clown hours as I make another au🤡#anyway I just thought this slapped #also that outfit image is basically insp for Johnny’s outfit lmao #AOPau #rough first idea #might expand at some point lmao #byrd screams and writes

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anoray · 3 years ago

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Just some thoughts that sprang to mind while watching today’s episode WAR-MANTLE:

1. IMO, this was a really good episode from start to finish. Always good to see Rex and I sure am curious about what had him so busy he couldn’t take part in the mission himself. Looked like he was getting shot at.

2. Huzzah for seeing Gregor again :) He’s got his nervous laugh but he’s nowhere near the mental state of deterioration we saw in Rebels. Wonder if we’ll see how that happens at some point in TBB.

3. I’m no expert at clone history and culture like some folks out there, so maybe I’m misinterpreting things...but it seems TBB series has been making it clear there is a rather hostile divide between the enhanced aka defective clones and regular clones. I’m thinking back to the scene in the Kamino commissary early on in the season where the Batch was sitting by themselves, apparently not very welcome by the rest of the regular clones even before the fight broke out. Plus the way the Batch refer to the others as “regs” and then how Gregor called the Batch members “defective” once he knows they were from Unit 99 all seems to make a point there is long held rancor between the groups.

4. Regarding regular clones from TCW and TBB in general, I could be wrong, but it seems so far that most (if not all) of the clones who’ve shown resistance to what the Empire is doing are from the earliest batches, like Fives, Rex, and now Gregor. Plus Howzer was no shiney, he had salt/pepper hair and very scuffed up paint on his armor. So maybe the later batches with more degraded DNA are more vulnerable to the chips and their long term effects and/or maybe these newer batches just don’t have as much individual spark to begin with? Which also makes me wonder if the Kaminoans have always done their best to water down personality in the clones, period, to make them impersonal soldiers. Could this be why Omega constantly has to drag compassion out of her Batch brothers?

5. Well, well, well, looks like the Kaminoan Prime Minister has met his doom and I wonder if Nala Se will somehow get a message out (or already has) to Fennec for rescue, or if Se is now stuck in the Emperor’s cloning program.

6. Now that Hunter is captured and face to face with Crosshair, I’m very interested to see how he gets out of this mess. I’m wondering how big a role Omega will play in comparison to how instrumental Ezra was in rescuing Kanan from Tarkin in the similar arc in Rebels. I’m guessing we’ll see Rex return for some of the rescue action and maybe some things from “filler” episodes might come into play?

One two eps to go for season one. Hoping the momentum stays strong from this point forward :)

#the bad batch #the bad batch spoilers #bad blood between clones #welcome back to gregor #time to rescue hunter #it seems a little early to lose a main character #but we don't know how many seasons TBB is slated for #but feeling pretty sure hunter is gonna squeak by somehow for season 2

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selfawarejester · 4 years ago

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HALO: SHADOWS OF REACH — A REVIEW BY A SOMEWHAT ENTHUSIASTIC FAN

Alright, so after forever and to much demand (okay, that's a lie, no one asked for this), I've finally finished my review of the newest installment in the Halo novels: Shadows of Reach. Obviously, there are spoilers inbound.

RATING: 8/10

This could've easily been a ten if not for some parts of the story that irked me, but overall a fun read— I'd read it again.

A VERY LONG SUMMARY (OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD, SO PLEASE TELL ME IF I MESSED SOMETHING UP)

Welp, the first half is just John being very emo about Cortana and pretty much ignoring his teammates' emotional states (a large part of the book is that, actually), and introducing old wise man Major Van Houte, no nonsense Crew Chief Stella Mukai (who made John laugh, huzzah!!) and Lieutenant Maks "Hotshot kid" Chapov (don't get too attached). They perform intricate aerial maneuvers and the likes to avoid being spotted, but they are and they crash.

After a couple close encounters with Banished banshees that act like Keeper banshees for some odd reason, three-quarters of Blue Team gets their cans kicked by actual Banished banshees and get separated from Linda-058 and Special Crew (which are the flight crew btw). Whilst heavily wounded, they are held at gunpoint by the Viery Militia who also make fun of them while at gunpoint. (Rude, but also very funny). Militia Leader Lady assumes that they're there to help them liberate Reach (and refuses to let John tell her otherwise) and gets pissy about it afterwards - but she's under a lot of pressure, so it's fine - and Fred is Concussed™, leading to ridicule and shade from John and Kelly for pretty much the rest of the book.

There's a lot of stuff in the middle about the Viery Militia, so hightlight reel: John manages to ask his doc a personal question (Go, John!), and he and Kelly are driven to meet the commanders of the Militia by sweet Bella Disztl, five time winner of the Tantalus-10,000 (don't worry if you forget, they bring it up in every scene she's in). I like Bella, partly because she looks like my OC, but in general. Unfortunately, she falls prey to the Halo driver curse and bites it later on in the book.

Despite a lot of angst and distrust once the commanders find out BT is not there to help free Reach, they decide to take the Armory from the Banished and call in reinforcements from Infinity.

As they launch the assault on the Banished armory, everyone without MJOLNIR (and Chapov and Van Houte who are out of range) gets knocked out due to lack of breathable levels of oxygen in the tunnels (and they talk about the brain damage that's caused when your oxygen is cut off for a few minutes, which makes me and all the other RvB fans sad) and the Spartans are forced to do it alone, shocker. Chapov saves the day with an innovative tactic to take down massive amounts of Banished vehicles, go Chapov!

We finally get to see Halsey (who finally has a prosthetic arm), Lasky (who likes to say heck) and Palmer (who is still Very Done with basically everyone), so that's cool.

There's a second attack on the armory as the Banished try to take back what is theirs, and here is where Bella dies :( But, on the other hand, a hundred and twenty Spartans (which is still super shocking to me) save the day. Palmer and Blue Team have a very odd interaction wherein Palmer is treated like she's in the wrong despite being perfectly reasonable?? (I'm just going to read this part one more time because the first time around was at 2AM) Anyways, Palmer takes over freeing Reach and the Spartans go to the Highlands to finish their actual mission.

So, I've neglected to mention Castor's arc in the book because it's basically all the same thing, so highlight reel: There's a badass Sangheili called 'Gadogai who works for Escharum. This dude is the right hand man of Atriox, aka the big boss. Anyways, Deukalion (where are my TW fans at?!) and Ballas are dokabs of two of the other Banished clans who are fighting over the pioneers' land, like a bunch of bitches, instead of doing their jobs and Castor's really mad about it. Castor continually demonstrates his cleverness but as always misses a key factor and his plans get screwed. Also, Orsun's son is around, so that's cool. There's lots of Jiralhanae politics and crap that I'm not really going to go into here. Also, Veta Lopis and the Ferrets are there with their kick-ass hairstyles. Escharum shows up and Castor's ploy to let BT guide them to this Portal to the Ark finally works out and things are going good for the Keepers' Leader.

BT finally makes it to the mountains, and after a fun aerial chase, Chapov is mortally wounded and manages to take out, like, four Banshees before he dies. The Banished go for the Portal while BT rush for SWORD base, there's another large scale fight with Jetpack Brutes and Longswords and Broadswords, but BT makes it to SWORD base, and Fred goes check out the corridor to the Portal (which they get into after a lot of events). They grab three cryo-bins and a box with a sabre symbol on it, and John manages to mess up his wounded legs and is very nice to Kalmiya's fragment. Sweet.

The Freta reunion is painfully brief, and leaves Fred with confusion and a message capsule. The Portal is opened, the Keepers turn on the Banished, but ultimately no consequences are reaped (shocker) and Gadogai jumps ship over to the Keepers. Cortana is alerted by the Portal and a Guardian is showing up and everyone hauls ass away from Reach.

Captain Veronica Dare is still alive (yay) and gives Fred part of the message because "it's none of ONI's business" which is amazing and awesome and once again, yay. Halsey is pained by how much Blue Team had gotten beaten up (which I am still confused by) and Palmer and the rest of the UNSC forces are stranded on Reach.

FINAL THOUGHTS

It was definitely lots of fun, I'll give Denning that. They finally brought in that slipspace crystal from First Strike which I've been bitching about forever, which is cool.

However, lots of elements from his previous books touch over in this one, like continually getting the badass, untouchable Spartans absolutely pwned and the subtle traces of sexism surrounding his treatment of Kelly, Linda and now Palmer get on my nerves.

One thing that bites at me was that Kelly got shot in the goddamn chest and she was just doing perfectly fine. Her coping with it was not shown at all. It gets more and more obvious with each book that Denning is pretty much clueless on what to do with either of our badass Spartan ladies, which is discouraging, especially compared to the amazing force-of-nature that is Veta Lopis!

And I really didn't like the fact that John was just sad about Cortana. I mean, there's no actual conflict about the fact that Eviltana (who I will always think about as a different person from my blue bby) is a mass-murdering fanatical bitch. Like she's just misunderstood and not an actual dictator. And he doesn't seem to give a damn about any of the Spartans obvious signs of trauma over any of this stuff. He just dismissed Kelly's valid concern about saying Cortana's name, which is kind of OOC, but okay.

That being said, they better not make another Cortana model, because that was something Actual!Cortana was very messed up about; being replaced like that. If they do, they better make it very clear that she's a different entity, like Kalmiya.

Congrats and thank you for reading through all of this stuff! Hope you enjoyed, and feel free to hit me up regarding anything Halo!

#gabi reads shadows of reach #halo #shadows of reach #john-117 #master chief #kelly-087 #linda-058 #fred-104 #catherine halsey #tom lasky #sarah palmer #cortana #the banished #troy denning #veta lopis

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1358456 · 5 years ago

Text

Review Response, Dec 29 2019 - Jan 4 2020

A lot of stuff here. ... Yay!!

Legacy #009

1) Omg the confession chapter! Loved this chapter to bits! Also happy 2020!

Yes! The confession has finally happened! Hell, it’s about time. Happy 2020, the year of the rat 庚子年!

2) Lol sun being A scared shit and A sweet confession. Looking forward to the next chapter

Sun being terrified... heh. It’s what Black would be in that situation. Sun? ... Who knows. The next chapter might happen soon, depends on how this chapter went!

3) Hehe, it really did work out for the best for Blue. Makes perfect sense to give Platinum the LuckyShipping confession MVP award now. Her little chat with Red was probably the best scene in this chapter for me.

Nice to see a fluffy chapter before the action kicks in again. Poor Yellow, though - she's going to be suffering for a bit...though it would be nice to see if/how Yellow gets over it. And I wonder what the "calling" thing is about. I suspect her target is a Mimikyu, but is this more Moon's instinct saying that a potential new team member is nearby or maybe there's some psychic stuff going on here?

Anyway, it's nice to see this story finally getting so many reviews! Happy New Year! As always, can't wait for the next chapter!

Hehe. Platinum the MVP, even though she really didn’t want to interfere in the matter. ... And no one’s going to be giving thanks to White or Y. Hahaha.

Poor Yellow? Not yet. It’s too soon. And no, the target is not a Mimikyu. Sun already has one. And you know from the overhaul post that Moon does not get a Mimikyu. Moon gets a Banette. And in the Thrifty Megamart, there are wild Shuppets. Fun fact: I do research to see what Pokemon are in what area so the Dex Holders will run into a Pokemon that makes sense in that area. Psychic stuff? Nah. Ghost stuff.

And Happy New Year to you too!

4) AAAAAAH THEY DID IT OH MY GOD THE FLUFF IS REAL

The fluff is real and it’s going to get fluffier. It’s going to be so fluffy that Yellow suffocates and Red and Blue get a bad case of static shock. ... Wait, what?

5) They’ve finally done it and platinum once again proving to be of help to both red and blue in getting the together. Your slowly making platinum one of my personal new favourites from these and I fine with that. It’s a really sweet chapter. Anyways Happy new years!

Platinum’s so nice. Hehehe... She’s a wonderful character! ... Yeah, yeah. Bias. Happy New Year!

6) I love the interactions between White and Y - they honestly seem really close and it’s really nice to see! I love the chapter I hope you had a good New Year’s Eve and Christmas and thank you for the new chapter!

I like the interactions between White and Y too, which is why I put in a lot of them. And they’re not exactly a senior/junior type, but rather, good friend type. Hence Y’s line of “oh eat my ass” in the last chapter.

7) Loved iT! Looking forward to the next chapter

Thank you. More to come soon...ish?

8) So excited to see if moon hits the Pokemon. Loved this chapter and white with the rapidash was great

Hehe. Of course Moon would hit it. White failing miserably in riding Rapidash, just like in that one SC chapter (SC #007: Memory Lane).

9) I'm glad Blue managed to confess her feelings for Red after struggling so hard with them. Crushes are really stressful, and in her case in particular, with her fear of getting close to and hurting others- just ah. The secret's out, and Red reciprocates. Now at least they'll have this moment of happiness! ...Though poor Yellow has rather unfortunate timing.

Is Moon being called to by a Mimikyu, I wonder? That'd be a strong and cool addition to her party!

Only happiness awaits for Red and Blue! ... Until the plot hits them, as foretold. Yellow’s purpose in the story is now halfway over.

And no, Moon is not being called by a Mimikyu.

10) Awwwww that was really cute! Hope we get more fluff next chapter!

Oh, there will. Flufftacular chapters are inbound.

11) Looking forward to the next chapter!

Thank you.

12) Hey again, hope your New Years went well! Glad to see an update to this story. Regarding the latest chapter, I'm pretty mixed - but not in a bad way.

The first half was pretty enjoyable to read. Honestly, Red does seem like he's become the person to think things over a bit before diving in from what I saw in FRLG and him asking Platinum what was up with Blue was enjoyable. Red also deciding to take the leap and press the issue to not prolong Blue's suffering was pretty fun to read too. I half expected Blue to go on a rant about why she likes Red to him, she seems like the kind of person to justify everything (since you've shown her thoughts and rationale about why she "musn't" let Red she likes him in earlier chapters) but I guess it wasn't needed or maybe she'll do it when she's a bit calmer. I'd like to see Red react to him unknowingly saving her back in Chapter 1. Also, I've said it before - I used to like Red and Yellow, but this kinda does cement why I like Red and Blue - I kinda got a kick out of Yellow spying on the two of them, felt somewhat ironic.

I might be the only one but I kinda just gloss over the Sun and Moon parts of the story. I still read them, but I just feel more invested in the older Dex Holders' adventures since they're more emotional and I'm way more attached to those guys.

Regardless of my personal bias, great chapter. Looking forward to more as always.

Red is reckless when it comes to like... battling and combat. But outside of that, he’s not stupidly reckless. And hopefully, given how old he is in Legacy, he would’ve mellowed even more. And so he is now considerate. Huzzah! Blue will go on a ramble and talk about her fears later on once things have settled. Right now, she would be quite exhausted, actually. And then she and Red can have that discussion that was in Destiny, but in Legacy with updated interactions and no doomsday on the horizon. Getting a kick out of Yellow getting heartbroken, huh? Hahaha. ... More to come later.

Eh, it’s not that surprising. After all, statistically, the newest Dex Holders are generally ignored by the readers. Black and White in SA, X and Y in early Destiny, and now Sun and Moon in early (still) Legacy. Now, Sun and Moon aren’t that new anymore, so they’re not being as ignored, but they’re still the newest (since we don’t know sh*t about Sword and Shield yet), so... yeah.

13) Loved this blue being shy is so unexpected aswell!

Timid Blue is unexpectedly cute, eh? Hehehe...

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Surprised that no one talked about the title. I guess f*ck Heart, right? Heh.

So, good news is... the newest chapter is above 10. So... update will happen in this month. “Bad” news is... the update fails to reach the average. But given how the average was raised, the updated chapter is still above most of the others, and it’s been less than a week, so... update will still happen this month, just not this week or the next. Give me some time off, eh?

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DE #003

1) These two cinnamon rolls are so cute!

Yep. Black and White are stupidly cute together, whether they’re surrounded by fluff or blood.

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DE #013

1) Cute Ruby and White.

Surprisingly cute, huh? Same goes for Sapphire & Black!

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DE #020

1) Red and Blue (female) are so cute!

Yep! That they are! Hehehe.

2) So cute

Yes indeed.

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DE #021

1) Just give her a ring and kiss her already. Geez these two are so cute.

Hehe. Short Story - The Question. Pop the ring!

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DE #028

1) Cute,l!

Well, I guess this chapter was cute. Its prequel, however... hehe...

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DE #031

1) Good stuff. Will take a long while for Sun and Moon to even be this intimate tho. What with all the fighting.

I don’t think Sun and Moon can ever actually be that intimate. For one, Moon will have to surgically remove that coin lodged in his brain, and someone will have to shove a classy romance novel into his face over and over until he learns the concept of flirting and proper responses.

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There’s no need to see the DE chart, so...

SC #015

1) Coming back to this chapter after knowing what Red's up to makes their job occupations work very, very well together. Blue provides the advanced technology, Red carries out the "fieldwork". Both manage to work unique occupations during the day and still spend a wholesome time together when they're back home. Loving their dynamic!

Oddly, the Covert Ops series, whose idea I scrapped, has come back in a very weird fashion. Instead of Blue doing the fieldwork (or Rakutsu), she’s just providing the tech to Red. Interesting.

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SC #017

1) *Mission Impossible theme plays with the sound of jingle bells and terrified shrieks of thugs in the background*

Merry (late!) Christmas to the unfortunate baddies of the world who Dex Holders deliver justice to. Can't say I ever expected Red to become a hitman, let alone dress up as Santa Claus and deal out punishment to evildoers. Sure was a hilarious read, however!

“Santa Claus is gunning you down~” Ahem.

Red the mercenary. And coincidentally, the chapter is based on a Hitman Santa rampage that I used to do back in the days. “Santa’s coming to town!”

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I appreciate what you did, but... +1/+1 doesn’t actually do much. Like, SC #015 is now no longer the least reviewed chapter, but instead, TIED at the least reviewed chapter, along with the Wings update from many months ago. The two chapters you put the pity reviews for, are still not even at half of the story’s average. +4/+4 from now, and then maybe we’ll see.

#qna

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rendiggitydog · 6 years ago

Text

The gang’s all here!

"Welcome every-hermit! To the annual Partner Problem event! This is our first year getting everyone to play, so welcome!" X smiled as the crowd of hermits below him cheered. "I'll explain the rules for the newbies."

"I will draw two names out of a helmet. Those two people will be fitted with curse of binding boots, which magically link the pair. These boots will force you to stay within 3 meters, or 10 feet, of each other. You will wear the boots for 24 hours, and then the spell will dissolve. Make sense?"

Heads bobbed in agreement.

"Then let's begin!" X picked up the helmet at his feet, shuffling the papers inside. "Zedaph..."

Zed jumped, excitedly looking around for who his partner might be.

"...and Welsknight!"

There were assorted congratulations as Wels and Zed found each other, grinning excitedly.

"Alright, quiet down! Next up: Tango and Iskall!"

Laugher and groans. The two pranksters high-fived, already whispering mischievously.

"Stress and Grian! False and Jevin! Scar and Python!" X rattled off the names, each greeted with excitement. "Me and Cub! Cleo and Mumbo! Impulse and Joe! Docm and biffa! Rendog and TFC! And that's everyone! Line up to get your boots, and thanks for coming out!" X glided down from his make-shift pedestal, throwing open a chest full of glowing leather boots.

The hermits filed through with their partners, pulling on their new boots and testing the limits. Slowly, the plateau emptied, everyone heading their ways for the day.

—

"Work with me here, love!" Stress laughed, trying to pull Grian away from the store window.

"Sorry! They made a new tnt, and this one is player-friendly!" Grian hopped up, beaming as he returned to Stress' side.

"We can check it out after I return Impulse's backup elytra he let me borrow. It's been a couple weeks and I need to return them!"

"What ho, and salutations!" Joe waved as he and Impulse appeared over the ridge.

"Hi Joe! Impulse! How are you doing?"

"Really well! We're taking turns picking the pass time, so it's been fine."

"We were just on our way to Impulse's home behind the sea foam." Joe gestured in the direction of Impulse's bay area.

"How delightful! Well, I just wanted to return your elytra I borrowed. Thanks again!" Stress handed over the wings, which Impulse accepted gratefully.

"I was wondering where I left those, thanks!"

"Okay, can we go look at the tnt now?" Grian shifted back and forth, glancing back at the tnt.

"Fine. As long as we can go ice mining later for my castle." Stress threw a humorous look at Joe and Impulse as Grian rushed back to the storefront. "Bye!"

"Those two must be having a ball." Joe remarked as he and Impulse calmly continued their stroll.

—

"So this is the vault, huh?" Ren gaped as TFC led him down.

"Sure is."

"Wow... It's so big..."

"Thanks, I've put a lot of time into it."

"Tin, how did you find the time to do all this?" Ren peeked through a door, taking everything in.

"I've just cracked down and worked hard, that's all." TFC pulled some stone out of a chest without slowing his walk, heading for the next room he needed to finish.

"Woah, that was slick! You didn't even stop walking, you just grabbed that stone, like Whoosh!" Ren exclaimed, swooping his hand through the air.

"Oh, you know it. This way."

The large vault narrowed to a corridor, which the two squeezed through, reaching a decent-sized room, half excavated. Tin set right to work, mining at the wall with one hand and picking up the stone with the other. The older man relaxed in his element, killing a zombie without hesitation when it crept up on him. Ren simply watched in awe at the grace. He was startled out of his trance, however, when TFC tugged on their binding boots.

"I gotta put some stuff away, come on."

Ren followed slowly. "That was crazy. Like, you were just mining, but it was like a dance! Does that make sense? We don't need to go to my base later, we can just stay here for all 24 hours! Can I help?"

Tin rubbed his temples as he tossed the last of the stone in a chest. "You can have the most important job of all."

Ren perked up. "The most important?!"

"Hold these." Tin shoved a bunch of shulker boxes into his arms.

TFC set back to work, tossing the stone into the boxes as he went. Ren didn't mind holding the stone- he was just glad to be part of the process.

"This is fantastic! Why don't we hang out more often? You're so cool Tin!" Ren babbled on in excitement over the menial labor.

"Hey Ren-" TFC quickly cut in. "If you don't talk, I'll do something cool."

Ren gasped loudly, and sealed his lips. Tin shook his head, silently laughing as he dual-wielded a second pickaxe, blowing Ren's mind.

—

Well hullo!" Cleo and Mumbo waved as they approached Scar and Python. The two were sitting in the grass outside Scar's terraforming shop, flower crowns and necklaces all around them.

"Heya! How are you two?" Scar greeted as Mumbo and Cleo sat next to them.

"Pretty good! Neither of us had a whole lot to do, so we're visiting everyone else. What are you doing?" Cleo picked at the grass.

"We've been making flower chains! Wanna learn how?" Python displayed the chain he was currently working on.

"Absolutely!"

The four hermits soaked up the sun as they weaved flower crowns, half-asleep from its warmth and sweet aroma. At some point, False and Jevin stumbled by, tears of laughter streaming down their faces.

"How's it going?" Scar giggled, already knowing the answer.

"Could be better-" False wheezed, wiping her tears. "May we-?"

Jevin and False tripped over each other and collapsed in a pile of giggles. The group talked and laughed for hours, while the sun slowly fell. The stars twinkled into sight, and they fell asleep stargazing.

—

"Alright," Tango breathed. Iskall nodded, and they slowly dipped their wings in sync. After practicing all day, they were finally coordinated enough to cause some mischief.

Two glowing dots walked the grounds outside the newest ConCorp studio- two hermits holding torches in the night.

"Cub and X?" Iskall whispered into the dark. Tango nodded, pulling out a stack of eggs.

"Ready... GO!"

Cackling loudly, Iskall and Tango pelted the ground with eggs, watching X and Cub dance away from them. One figure glanced up, spotting the pair in the air, and shook their fist dramatically.

"You're not even Poultry man!" X's voice called after them, but they were already flying away.

"Fan-frickin-tastic!" Iskall howled.

"They thought we were poultry man!" Tango slapped his leg. The wild excitement distracted him, and Tango wobbled before plummeting to the earth.

"Gah!!" Iskall spammed rockets, desperate to stay in the air. However, Tango's limp body dragged him down, and the two splashed into the water violently. The sounds of drowneds instantly lit a fire under them, and they paddled tiredly to the shore.

"Hehe, worth it." Iskall wiped his hair from his face, sand getting everywhere.

Tango panted as he collapsed on the sand. "Absolutely."

—

"Huzzah!" Zedaph triumphantly held up the blue parrot. He and Wels had been searching the jungle for hours, and this was the first bird they found. They were tired and bruised, but it was worth it.

"Did you hear that?" Wels whispered.

Zed rolled his eyes. "For the last time, Wels, it was probably an ocelot. We can sail home if you'd feel better about it?"

"Yes please!" Wels sighed in relief as they made their way to the shore. The rustle of leaves behind them made Wels jump again. "Let's go." He glanced over his shoulder as he pulled out a boat.

"SNEAK ATTACK!" Doc and Biffa lunged from the bushes, diamond swords drawn. Their armor and faces were coated with mud and leaves, their binding boots streaked with war paint. Somebody screeched (cough Zedaph) and everything happened all at once.

Suddenly, the attack was over as soon as it started. Biffa ran too far ahead of Doc, and the two tumbled into the sand at Zed's feet.

Doc looked up bashfully, his helmet falling from his head. "Fancy meeting you here.."

Zed blinked. "...Well now I don't think this is a coincidence, us meeting in the jungle like this, you crying Sneak Attack!! But okay!" Zed laughed, releasing his tension.

"I suppose our mission was a failure, then?" Biffa sighed with a grin.

"I suppose so- but you did scare Wels pretty well!" Zed patted Wels on the head, as he had fallen over in his freight.

"I told you so!!"

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lord-explosion-baku · 6 years ago

Text

Pairing: Villain!Iida x hero!reader

Warnings: violence, blood, non con

A/n: I got carried away. The reader gets carried away as well. You know how like you just write a little too much sometimes? I did that. Huzzah.

The world knew that Mr. Tenya Iida was a villain. He was corrupt, he was trouble, but he was also impeccably smart. He never left a trail when he did his crimes and even if he had, that trail always lead to someone else. He was also a man of business. He also had money. That always seemed to help him cover up any tricky detail that might help the law show him face. The man was untouchable.

It was August 22nd and that meant there was going to be a giant celebration at his estate. That was a giant opportunity for the hero agency you worked with to send in two individuals to acquire documents/intel/any sort of dirt you could get on the engine villain. Since you were better at hiding from the media, the agency had selected you and your partner, Itona, to attend this party undercover. You had been given an invite; a woman who used to be connected with Iida had sent her own invite to the agency in hopes of helping. Itona was to go disguised as the help.

You made your way up the stone path that lead to the entrance of his mansion, dreading the heels you were wearing. You had to be formal to blend in. You had gotten nervous checking yourself in the mirror. Surely, anywhere else what you were wearing would get the attention of others but apparently at one of Tenya Iida’s celebrations everyone was always looking their best. Itona was already inside probably growling at guests and reluctantly feeding people hors d’oeuvres. You would do anything to switch places with him. Your colleagues had joked around when they say you all dressed up. “Itona is the retriever of this operation and L/N is the legs,” one coworker said, earning a swat to the back of the head from you. Just because you were wearing a dress didn’t mean you couldn’t kick ass if it came down to it.

A large bulky man checked your invitation before allowing you inside. He barely looked at you when he handed it back, making you confident that you could move throughout the party going unnoticed. Once inside, you were offered a glass of champagne from a platter which you gladly took. Something to calm the nerves. You hardly got two steps and a different platter filled with quiche was thrown in your face.

“Here’s some food for thought,” Itona growled, “maybe we don’t drink on the job?”

You eyeballed the quiche. “Would it be so bad if I’m threatened to have a good time?” you asked picking up a quiche bite and plopping it in your mouth. “Besides,” you chewed, “it would be suspicious if I didn’t.” Itona huffed and moved the platter away from you before you could grab another one. You bit out, “good quiche but the service sucks.”

You weaved yourself through a strum of people, telling yourself you were looking out for anything that could point you to something that could you on your mission, telling yourself that you weren’t a little overstimulated by being by so many new faces, telling yourself you wouldn’t rather be staring at the beautiful artwork on the walls. Wait- was that Renoir?

You hurried to the wall. Away from the crowd and carefully inspected a painting in the wall. It was the ‘Lakeside Landscape,’ not one of Renoir’s best work, still you were mesmerized by the fact you were seeing it up close. It was definitely the original work. It was known to be in The National Gallery in London but somehow it made its way into Tenya Iida’s wall. That could be something for you to report back on. You opened your purse to pull out your phone when a voice interrupted your excitement.

“The act of capturing a feeling, rather than portraying accuracy... it’s fairly amusing,” you didn’t turn your head to the voice. You already knew who it was. “Is there a facade to the beauty of the painting? Or is the act of Renoir portraying displaying his emotions more honest than what he actually saw? I can’t help but obsess.”

You took a deep breath. Stay cool, you told yourself. “I don’t think Renoir was trying to trick the viewer. To all we know, this was supposed to be for himself. His paintings were his journals and this was how he was feeling on that day. Though it may be easy to trick oneself, artistic mediums speak louder than words sometimes.”

“Interesting,” he mused. You turned towards the voice. He was... built. Even through his white dress shirt you could tell that he was very muscular, his blue vest fit tightly onto his torso. A suit jacket hung over his brawny shoulder while a black gloves hand was rubbing his chin, deep in thought. Photos didn’t do the man justice, he was handsome. He smiled at your gawking expression. “I’m glad I’m not the only impressionist fan in the building.”

“Surrealism is my favorite genre but Impressionism has a special place is my heart.”

“Well,” he said wrapping an arm around your waste, a large hand fitting right above the curve of your side, “Do I have something to show you.”

For hours you conversed with Tenya Iida about European artwork. How it made the two of you feel, what your favorites were, where you would go or who you would visit if you had the opportunity to go back in time. You would almost actually be enjoying yourself if you weren’t worried that at any moment your cover would be blown. But it wasn’t you who had been discovered.

“Sir, a moment?” a mean looking man interrupted your deep conversation. Iida politely excused himself to took to the man to the side. You could see feet thrashing about in the shadows. Another man held Itona in a tight lock. “We found this server trying to break into the office. He says he was just trying to find the bathroom but we found this on him.” You couldn’t see what he was showing Iida but you were sure it was a flash drive, maybe some lock-picks. “Should we kill him?” Kill him?!

Iida sighed. “Don’t kill him yet,” he said while shaking hands with a new guest that had arrived. Even under the pressure of something like, that he remained calm, cool, and collected. “Take him to the basement. He couldn’t have come here alone. Someone else here is trying to play hero.”

You sipped your champagne and tried not to watch as the two droogs dragged Itona out of the room. You had to stay poised in this room full of power hungry villainous people. When you could get the chance you would request backup.

There was a hand on your shoulder. “My most humble apologies,” you turned and smiled sweetly to the villain that just had your partner dragged away to most likely have information beaten out of him. You wondered how long Itona would last before outing you. “It’s not everyday, I throw a party but when I do there’s always a rapscallion or two that crashes it.” You gulped knowing full well that you were rapscallion number two. “Now where were we?”

“Uh, pointillism, I think.” You knew that wasn’t correct but you could hardly think. You were on edge and now you knew that Even though he kept a calm physique, Iida would be suspicious of anyone in this room. The person he should be most suspicious of, was sweating right in front of him.

He blinked and suddenly the charming look on his face became dark. A sinister smile crawled across his face. “You know, I have an exquisite Paul Signac in my lounge. Do you mind if I show you?”

You avoided his gaze and brushed a hair out of your face, “I actually think that I need to- um...”

He grabbed your wrist, causing you to drop your champagne glass. “I insist.”

His hold was strong as he nearly dragged you down the hall. He pushed the mahogany doors open revealing a couple chatting on a brown leather couch. “Out,” he commanded and the couple hurried away and out the other door. That was plan A: fleeing.

He pulled you in and you lost your footing, falling to the couch. The room spelled like books. You took note of an ice sculpture in the shape of a swan- you could work with that. Not to your surprise, there actually was a Paul Signac piece.

As his back was turned to you, you used your quirk, checking to see how much water had already melted from the sculpture. Just a few milliliters. That’d have to be plan C.

Glasses clinked and then pouring. “All this talk of beauty and the secrets of artists,” he turned to you swirling a glass of scotch in his hand, “and I had this beautiful facade right in front of me.” He held his glass out to you, “did you want some?” You shook your head, slowly standing. “So, tell me, did you plan on... spending the night with me or did this all happen to be fate?”

You weren’t sure you were actually going to be seeing him. It was a big party. You were there to collect information and that was it. “Fate often puts all the material for happiness and prosperity into a man’s hands just to see how miserable he can make himself with them.”

“On the contrary, Marquis,” he sipped his scotch, “as of right now, I’m far from miserable.” He paced around the ice sculpture and you did the same. “I hate parties.”

“As do I.”

“But business is business. I should have been making deals, growing my empire and whatnot, but then I found you. All alone. Admiring my collection. I wanted to know you, know your mind. Your intellect did not disappoint me, however, the matters of what being you here do. But no, miserable, again, I’m far from it.”

You pushed the swan over to him knocking him back and ran for the door. He was already there. Right, the engine villain. You turned sprinting towards the other door, locked. He pushed you up against the door, his gloved hand on your neck. You grasped at his strong arm, trying to pull him off but it was no use. You snarled at him.

He clicked his tongue. “Testy,” he said, “and here I was thinking you were sweet and shy. But even the most scared little mice don’t like being trapped, do they?”

You relaxed, no longer struggling against his hold. Plan B: seduction. After all, you were the “legs” of the operation. You brought your heel to the back of the door, allowing your dress to ride up your thigh. “So now that you have me all alone, what do you plan on doing with me?” You purred, caressing his arm.

He chuckled, “we’re getting ahead of ourselves, aren’t we?” Still, his free hand ran up your thigh and behind your leg. The material on his gloves felt good in your ass.

You pulled him into a kiss, tasting the scotch on his breath. He nearly pulled away until you slipped your tongue in and he was lost. While he was distracted you reached for your foot, where you hid a blade between the heel and the sole. Still kissing him, you brought the knife up to his neck and pressed it in against his jugular. His eyes widened at the realization. “Back off,” you told, using your body to push him away. You held the knife up offensively. “Open the door,” you commanded.

“That’s not happening,” he smiled. You swiped through the air, missing him. Swipe! Swipe! He evaded your attacks too easily. Swipe! Slice! Blood spilled from his face. You had managed to cut him down his forehead to his cheek. He knocked the knife out of your hand and pushed you on to the couch. “I’m no longer amused,” he growled, pinning your wrists down. You struggled against his weight but he was too strong.

Something hard pressed against your pelvic bone. Your eyes widened, realizing what it was. He gave you a knowing cocky smile and kissed you roughly down your neck, no doubt, leaving a trail of his own blood.

You breathed wistfully as he devoured you, eyeing the shattered swan. Plan C: Fight with your quirk.

Tendrils of of water came from the floor. Focusing on manipulating it and not what he was doing to your body, you made a rope, thin, since you didn’t have so much of it, still you got it to wrap around the villain’s neck and force him off of you.

You bolted it up as Iida was fighting off your quirk. You ran to the door that bursted open as soon as you got there, knocking you back. You looked up to see your partner held up in the air by the tentacles that came out of his head.

“We gotta go, L/N. NOW!!!”

Itona picked you up with one of his tentacles -gross- and had you both running through the throng of panicking party guests. You were sure Iida could’ve caught up to you guys if he tried.

As you ran down the stone path, you looked back seeing Iida standing in the doorway, waving politely as you disappeared off of his property.

You and Itona got into his car and sped away. “How’d you get away from the basement?”

“Fought ‘em off with my quirk, dude.” He looked at you and saw the blood on your neck, “L/n, you really do need to having too much fun on these missions.”

“I got him?” You said.

“What?”

“He has so many stolen paintings, Itona! I’ve got pictures!” Your hand shuffled around in your clutch. You were dismayed. “Oh no...”

“...what?”

Iida was laying in his lounge chair with ice over his bandaged eye, scrolling through your phone, finding any information he could have on you. “Y/n L/n...” he said to himself. He was looking at a pretty scandalous picture you had taken of yourself. “My pretty pet, you’ve just made a very powerful enemy...”

PART 2

Tags for EVERYTHING: @yandere-inamorata @doriichii i @miitaart @dessiedawnwritesfanfiction @ask-mekakushi-dan-kido @wickedlewicked @chickennuggetsarequestionable @nevermorelanore @kpanime @ayeputita @captain-sin-allmight-queen @diisasterbii @iceformer @meganofmars @colagirl5 @colorbookshd @grimmjadeskye @sm0kingcrack @sarcastictextstuck @zellllyyyy @psionicsnow @mynahx3 @andie-in-tumblland @iamthe-leaf @midnightfeline666 @bungou-stray-alies-tales-of-aly @rubyred-28 @kattariapenn @heypartypeps @quirktaker @thecryingsombra @smbody-stole-mycar-radio

^^^ @thecryingsombra idk why you don’t tag sometimes lol

#bnha x reader #bnha imagine #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha reader insert #mha #my hero academia #reader insert #reader inset #tenya iida x reader #iida x reader #villain!iida #villain!iida x reader #villain iida x reader #mha x reader

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yoshimickster · 6 years ago

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RWBY Volume 6 Episode “Alone in the Woods” Micksterecap-THINGS HAPPEN FINALLY!

Hey everybody hoping you had a good week, mine’s had some bumps but I’m still dancin’ so WHATEVS-lets get to Micksterecap!

OUR EPISODE STARTS OUT-

-with Ruby thinking about reenacting her favorite scene from “An American Tail”, moon and everything-BUT-

2:05 -CAN’T due to Bumblebee angst. Look at Weiss in the middle there, no WAY she doesn’t know she’ a buffer between the two of them. Girl just wants to be warm, why does she also have to be in between passive aggressive romance drama?

Its sad times like this when a girl JUST needs a stable adult to talk to, so she GOES to Qrow-

-aaaaaaaaaaand he’s drinking...super. Way to keep it together, one of only 2 stable adults. He then tells her that he’s okay and that he’ll wake everyone up in the morning because he’s the STABLE adult he is!

A CUT TO-Maria telling Oscar about the late man of the house Bartleby, and how the farming community was going through a BIT of tough times, which I’m SURE he didn’t try to solve by using the dark arts...so sure.

Ruby than tells everyone they gotta go to sleep as they gotta get out of this rejected Evil Dead setting ASAP, which I’m sure Qrow will DEFINITELY be awake to wake up everbod-

4:13 Oooooooooooooooooooooh Qrooooooooooooooow...you got a problem man. That’s an ENTIRELY different bottle of booze. AND-just when you think his drinking problem couldn’t be even MORE of a problem-

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH she woke up before him and saw him in this state. We’re getting real here folks, we’re tackling alcoholism, WE’RE DOING IT FOLKS!

In a FIT of anger-

-Ruby SMASHES that shit-

-WAKING-his drunk ass up-

-making him INSTANTLY realize he broke a promise due to his drinking...we are getting DANGEROUSLY close to very special episode territory here folks.

Ruby than gives him a sweet hug telling him he could talk to her and Yang about stuff, but like many people with a problem Qrow brushes it off...uuuuuuuuuuuuuh...HAMMERS! Sorry...trying to make a joke here but its just...SUCH an angst fest!

5:36 Everyone else is awake, hell Weiss even welded a hitchemup to Bumblebee(the bike not the ship) with her dust magic so the cart will attach to it! When Weiss learned welding I do NOT know but I’m glad she did!

EITHER WAY everything goes out fine without ANY proble-

-aaaaaaaaaand Qrow’s Misfortune pops the tire (Ruby, HIDE THE BOOZE).

This single deflated tired sparks a chain reaction of mental anguish, where everyone is practically giving up on the mission, Yang even tells Ruby she should just throw the Jinn lamp down the well ALSO-

7:43 These three just...STARE at Ruby until she drops it in the well...like weird sleepy zombies. Ruby attempts to toss that sucker down the well-

-while ALSO sporting a sleepy zombie demeanor like everyone else which I’m SO SURE won’t mean anything later-BUT THEN-

“Hey kid...you like balloons?”

Ruby than drops the lamp, LOGICALLY freaks out about it ALL WHILE-

-these...three sleepy bitches don’t give a SHIT! If you can ‘t tell by now, some CLEAR devil magic is being had here.

Ruby somehow being the ONLY person to not be sleepified, gets her team to join her in getting the magical lamp that the bad guy wants that is STILL a freakin priority! And I’m sure Qrow, being a mature man of body and mind will FIGHT BACK the curse holding them-

Qrow: Everyone do whatever, I’m gonna drink away my feelings.

Ooooooooooooooh right, depression.

9:29 Team RWBY jumps down the well without receiving fall damage, in what is CLEARLY Killer Croc’s level in Batman Arkham Asylum. Get the Poison Ivy spores and then GET OUT OF THERE! The four than search for the lamp-ALL WHILE-

Maria continues to read Bartelby’s diary which I’m sure will have NOOOOOOOOOOOOO relevance at all...absolutely none.

After slightly more emo than usual Blake points out their scroll’s flashlights are useless when they’re looking for a glowing lamp of infinite glowing-

-BAM-they finds that shit, and I’m sure NOTHING bad will happen when they go look for it, not Salem’s crew, not White Fang-bangers, not nightmare Grimm that suck away your will to care about anything creating utter and total apath-

-ooooooooooooooh crap, RUN OLD WOMAN! RUN AND HELP THOSE FOUR TEENAGERS WHO AREN’T USED TO THE SOUL CRUSHING NOTHINGNESS!

OH SWEET JESUS-they’re all bendy and moaning, and GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! They even freak out Ruby-

-BUT thankfully-

-THAT was enough to wake them up from their case of the SERIOUS mondays. TERROR-the greatest alarm clock of all! Ruby THEN introduces them to the monsters of the week-

-DAMMIT-I wish I could get a better picture of how unsettling they all are, like freaky inky skeletons. Ruby then gives the FIRST volley-

11:12

-WHICH does nothing! That’s what you get for forgetting those super cross-bullets from the character short Ruby...and RWBY in general, what the hell happened to those things? Its even worse when the Apathy uses-EMO SHRIEK-

And its SUPER effective! THANKFULLY THOUGH-

OLD LADY MARIA APPEARS to save the day...by...encouraging them to run! Hey, helping’s helping, I’m not picky.

Maria: LET’S GO LESBIANS, LET’S GO!

Team RWBYM then runs ALL throughout the catacombs, running into more and more of these Grimm zombie fucks and JUST when they get to the exit-

-AND they hit em with another depression wave, they make Blue Diamond look like Holly Blue!

12:29 That don’d stop Maria, the little Yoda that could from trying to open the door-BUT-to no avail! Strong will power has its limits. ALSO-Blake has the most...HORRIFYING reaction to the Apathy’s power-

Blake:...its fine.

While she just LIES down, complacent in the absolute nothingness the Apathy gave them, just CREEPY!

Things are just NOT looking good folks, the music keeps getting creepier, the Grimm keep getting closer, and the PROM is tomorrow! But RIGHT before one of the skeledudes try to Freddy Kruger Blake-

Ruby: NO-not my sister’s almost girlfriend!

WOO-silver eyes-STUN THOSE LITTLE BITCHES!

Things seem good for like THREE seconds, Yang rushes to the door to bash it open BUT-

-they blast them with YET ANOTHER emo wave-RIGHT before Yang could get to the door.

Yang: NO-I can’t reach one of my two almost girlfriends!

Don’t lie, some of you were thinking shippy thoughts with that shot, and you DISGUST ME!

13:54 Once again its up to RWBY Grandma Katara to SAVE the day!

Maria: Ruby, what color are your eyes?

By...asking questions about eye color apparently! Also her goggles don’t look THAT distorted, I’m amazed she hasn’t guessed their silver.

Maria than gives her the ULTIMATE pep-talk, Ruby gets up and REVEALS-

-SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HA GRIMM DISINTEGRATION POWERS! AWESOME! H-wait...did Ozpin KNOW about how Silver Eye powers WORKED? Cos if he did...wwwwwwwwwwwhy didn’t he get Ruby a tutor? Because that is one BAD ASS super power!

Either way it was an attack SO awesome-

-that it fixed Maria’s eyes! HUZZAH!

Yang bashes the exit’s door, REVEALING IT LEADS TO-

15:22 -THE HOUSE...uh, yeah where else would it lead? I’m just saying EVERYONE here is surprised, including Weiss and Ruby who saw the door LAST episode. Man, intense magical apathy must do TERRORS on the memory-WHICH-is actually true for those for depression. They ALSO see-

DRUNKLE QROW-who has been ABSOLUTELY useless this ENTIRE episode due to the Apathy amplifying his depression. Seriously, I want to point out he DOES look worse in this episode than others, most times he was a functional drunk, this time he went full off the wagon.

Everybody decides to logically leave this hellish house of hell-housery-RIGHT BEFORE THE ANIMATORS-

15:37 Give us SHIP BAIT! GLORIOUS GLORIOUS SHIP BAIT!

Either way, Weiss who is absolutely DONE with being scared and apathetic does the ONLY logical thing one can do in this situation-

-SET SOME BITCHES ON FIRE! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH-their gonna toast up NICE with all that wood and alcohol there!

After pushing a belligerent Drunkle Qrow who EVENTUALLY notices the death monsters-

16:26 See that look? THAT is a combo look of both breaking from a plus 10 apathy enchantment AND instant sobriety!

Either way, everyone gets on the cart attached to Bumblebee and they get OUT OF THERE-

...rather...smoothly I gotta say! I mean what is that, 25 miles an hour? Bumblebee has a GOOD amount of horsepower for a motorcycle, wander why Yang had so much trouble trudging it through the snow earlier.

Everybody than says sorry for ever saying they’d want to quit the debatably futile mission of stopping an immortal witch, Maria gives final backstory on the apathy inducing monsters they fought being rounded up there by dumb-ass Bartleby who just didn’t want to pay Hunstmen and thought putting his friends and family into a state of constant apathy was a good idea, bla bla bla-TELL US WHAT WE ALL READY KNOW WOMAN!

Ruby: Ms Calavera, how do you know so much about the Grimm, and in the tunnels you know exactly what to say to make my eyes do that...how?

Maria: Well, isn’t it obvious girl...I had silver eyes!

BAM-a creepy as hell horror episode, more examples of Qrow’s drinking being a LEGIT problem, and SECRETS REVEALED in Maria being a Silver-eyes! DAMN what a good episode, hell the Apathy are almost as creepy as the Nuckaleave, and I LOVES the Nuckaleave!

Either way, fun episode, if you want to support my Patreon or Kofi just ask or message me, SEE YA NEXT WEEK ON MICKSTERECAPS!

#rwby #rwby volume 6 #rwby 6 #ruby rose #weiss schnee #yang xiaolong #blake belladonna #oscar pine #qrow branwen #maria calavera #rwby spoilers #first spoilers #rwby volume six spoilers #yoshimickster #micksterecap #micksterecaps #vrv #rooster teeth #rooster teeth spoilers

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welcometothepenumbra · 6 years ago

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SECOND CITADEL – THE SPORTIVE NYMPHS (PART ONE)

SOUND: RAIN. TRAIN ARRIVES, CREAKS TO A STOP. DOOR CLANKS OPEN.

CONDUCTOR: Ah, good evening, Traveler. And welcome… to The Penumbra.

SOUND: DOOR CLANKS SHUT.

Take your seat, please, take your seat.

MUSIC: STARTS.

The junction lies ahead, so if you’ll allow me just a moment.

SOUND: TRAIN WHISTLE.

We are now passing through the Lake of Tranquility.

SOUND: TRAIN MOVING.

Our next stop?

SOUND: TRAIN BRAKES.

The Sportive Nymphs.

SOUND: DOOR CLANKS OPEN, RAIN.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

***

MUSIC: STARTS.

SOUND: GENTLE WAVES.

SIR MARC: (FADING IN) Ha ha, I knew you had it in you, Tal! Look at that master tracker go, finding a shortcut around the Lake of Tranquility that not even the Queen knew about!

SOUND: HOOFBEATS.

TALFRYN: It’s really not that impressive.

MARC: Of course it is! Who else would’ve known about that pond hidden in the jungle?

TALFRYN: It’s not hard to find, if you know about the breeding patterns of mosquitoes—

MARC: Ew! Or, who knew that horses could swim? Could swim good, even?

SOUND: HORSE SNORT.

TALFRYN: Yeah, horses are real good swimmers, Marc.

MARC: (NERVOUS LAUGH) Oh, come on, what are you worried about? If our new friend at the docks came through for us, and you know she did—

TALFRYN: Sir Marc, you didn’t!

MARC: Then the boat those knucklehead knights are waiting for’s got more holes in it than your undershirt! And that means they’ll have to wait for another one, and blammo! Just like that, you and I are two weeks ahead of them, and that means we’re gonna bag the biggest monster of all time! Just the two of us!

SOUND: HORSE SNORT.

Three, I mean!

TALFRYN: Come on.

MARC: Your horse doesn’t count.

TALFRYN: You don’t know that this monster is that big a deal. Those are just rumors.

MARC: Just rumors, he says! Then let’s take a look at the cold, hard facts. Some cunning monster slithers into the Citadel, and burgles a beautiful maiden, and kills like a hundred people—

TALFRYN: We’d have noticed if one hundred people were dead. Probably.

MARC: Well, it must’ve done something bad, because who did the Queen send after it? The two top monster slayers in the Citadel. A new Investigator-General, the first in a century, and you remember what a pain she was. With a hunting team like that, this thing has to be, like, the biggest monster ever!

TALFRYN: Sir Caroline was a really good fighter…

MARC: I heard it’s a lizard-dragon-man with a thousand arms. And we’ve got earwitness testimony on that one, Tal, people heard Sir Damien say he saw it.

TALFRYN: Sir Marc… this seems like a really bad idea.

MARC: All the good ideas are bad ideas!

TALFRYN: This area is one of the most dangerous in the Citadel! Did you ask Rilla if she heard anything about this dragon-man, even?

MARC: Of course not. That’d be cheating. Also: she would’ve told me this was too dangerous. And also: I’m really bad at lying to her so I didn’t visit before I left.

TALFRYN: If we wanted to make a good impression with the Queen, why don’t we protect the Citadel while the Queen’s best knights are away? That’d be safer! And smarter!

MARC: (LAUGHING) Safer, yes. But smarter? Also yes. That plan is missing something that mine has, though. Lean in, come on, Tal, lean.

The girl the monster stole is supposed to be very pretty.

TALFRYN: …Oh.

MARC: Oh? Ohhhh? Do I sense some interest in there, Sir Talfryn? Maybe dreaming about that beautiful lady waiting to be rescued in that dragon-man’s castle?

TALFRYN: Ha-ha! Ha ha ha! Yeah, definitely!

MARC: It’d be a first, right? I mean, in the stories all this knighting-around is about saving damsels from towers, and rescuing them from human sacrifice, and untying them from horse-tracks. Never really got why that last one was such a thing, honestly, I mean why can’t the horse just go around—

TALFRYN: Marc, don’t you think we ought to focus on our mission?

MARC: I’m just saying that for all those stories I’ve never once saved a princess! Ever!

TALFRYN: B-but…

MARC: Don’t be boring, Tal! We never talk about girls. That’s something brothers are supposed to do, right? Come on, have some fun!

You know what kinda girls I like?

TALFRYN: N-no, and I was kind of hoping we could keep it that—

MARC: I like ladies that are like… like the wind.

Eh? Ehhh?

TALFRYN: How– but what does that mean?

MARC: Your turn. Come on, Tal, just feel it out, you’ll get there.

TALFRYN: M-m-m-m-m-m-me? I-I-I mean I… I– I guess I like women that are like the wind, too… then.

MARC: Like the wind? Come on, Tal, what does that mean? That doesn’t mean anything. Get specific.

TALFRYN: I, Marc I dunno if I should, I mean– but uhhh yeah, yeah you’ve– you’ve basically said everything, I think I’m all set.

MARC: Taaaalfryn.

TALFRYN: I… like… women… with nice…

Smells?

MARC: (LAUGHS) Oh. I, I mean yeah, me too, buddy, but that seems like a prerequisite more than something to get… excited about.

SIR DAMIEN: (DISTANT) Saint Damien above!

SIR ANGELO: (DISTANT) Damien! For Saint’s sake, stop thrashing!

SOUND: DISTANT SPLASHING.

TALFRYN: Sir Marc! Those two men are drowning!

MARC: See, Tal? Our moment as heroes has already started! I got back to my workshop while we were home and I’ve got a few new inventions up my sleeve.

Take this, water! Net bomb!

Yahhh!

SOUND: WHISTLING. POP, SPLASH.

DAMIEN: (DISTANT) Saints, what… what…?!

ANGELO: (DISTANT) This strength!

MARC: (OVER THE LINES ABOVE) Ha ha, it works! Now grab the rope and help me pull ‘em in!

SOUND: ROPE CREAKING.

MARC & TALFRYN: (GRUNTING)

MARC: (STRAINING) Come on, come on… pull… them… in!

SOUND: BIG SPLASH. HORSE NEIGHS. COUGHING & SPLUTTERING.

ANGELO: Blast this betentacled beast! I can’t get a grip on him!

DAMIEN: My knife…! Sir Angelo, hand me my knife!

MARC: Nope, changed my mind. Throw ‘em back, throw them back!

TALFRYN: Sir Marc!

ANGELO: There you are, my friend!

SOUND: ROPE CREAKING, CUTTING.

DAMIEN: (GRUNTS)

ANGELO: Huzzah! The beast is slain!

DAMIEN: (STRAINING) It… isn’t a beast at all. Just a… net!

MARC: Oh, come on! Now they broke my invention!

DAMIEN: Your invention?! I’ll have you know that accosting a Knight of the Crown is a serious offense, you cad, you brute, you—

Oh. So it’s… you.

ANGELO: Sir Damien? Do you know these curs?

MARC: Excuse you! Nobody calls us curs except our mother!

TALFRYN: And she always clarifies that she’s kidding afterwards! Which is very important to me!

DAMIEN: They’re of no concern to us, Sir Angelo. They’re only imitators. Pretenders to knighthood who tell tall tales and expect to be rewarded for their imagined efforts.

MARC: We’re what?

ANGELO: Imitators? Like… a fan club? (LAUGHS) Well, isn’t that a delight! I thank you, good sir. Keep this up and perhaps I shall name you my honorary squire for the day. It’s quite a charming invention you’ve cobbled together!

MARC: Fan club?! Squire?! Charming?!

DAMIEN: A typical exaggeration, from this blowhard. Quite an invention, Marc – do you really think you were the first man to think of the fishing net?

MARC: Hey, alright, so it’s not one of my greatest hits or anything, but that’s just ‘cause I’ve been busy. I’ve been working on a tool that’ll knock your socks off, you—

ANGELO: A sock remover! My, that sounds handy. I think I’ve rather taken a liking to these young fans of ours.

MARC: We’re older than both of you!

DAMIEN: A moment, please, Marc.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

As ever, dearest rival, your heart proves too open for its own good. Marc is as the simple tick: given an inch of open skin, he latches on and sucks from the greatness of others. Even… even…

ANGELO: Perhaps it is best you not say her name, Sir Damien; your armor is already soaked through.

DAMIEN: Quite.

(SIGHS) Do you understand, now?

ANGELO: I believe so. But the man’s culinary predilections aside, why need I fear him? My armor covers my skin entirely; he shan’t drink from my blood.

MARC: (CHUCKLES)

TALFRYN: (HISSING) Marc, that’s kind of rude.

DAMIEN: Then I’ll put it in terms more direct, my friend. This one on the horse is…

…the Salamander.

MARC: The what?

ANGELO: Begads! Him? The brigand Sir Absolon spoke of?!

DAMIEN: Precisely. Marc the Salamander, who took the tests of knighthood hundreds of times, who only ever passed when he cheated!

TALFRYN: Sir Marc didn’t cheat! He would never!

MARC: If you call me that one more time I’ll make you regret it, Damien.

DAMIEN: Our mentor, the great Sir Absolon the Quick, saw you cheat with his own eyes. You fed the Testing Beast to make it slower! More docile!

MARC: The only thing I fed the Beast was a chunk of my own shoulder after Absolon threw bacon grease on me!

DAMIEN: And whose word do you expect us to take? A lauded knight of the Citadel? Or you? (SNORTS) Do you know why they call him the Salamander, Sir Angelo?

ANGELO: Sir Damien, perhaps you shouldn’t—

MARC: That’s it!

DAMIEN: Because he is deceptive. As slippery as a salamander.

MARC: That’s… not it! But, I’m gonna hit you anyway!

SOUND: BLADE UNSHEATHING.

TALFRYN: Marc, wait!

SOUND: HORSE GALLOPS.

You can’t do this. Think about Rilla.

MARC: (GROWLS) Fine.

TALFRYN: Now shake on it.

MARC: Talfryn!

TALFRYN: I’m serious!

We have to get along with him, Sir Marc. He’s going to marry our best friend some day.

MARC: …Fine. (SIGHS)

SOUND: BLADE SHEATHING.

Alright, Damien. Let’s get this over with.

Damien?

ANGELO: Sir Damien, it is unbefitting of a knight to deny a call for peace, and they are friends of… we-well, you know who I…

…my, he’s gone rather pale, hasn’t he?

TALFRYN: And he’s shaking a lot.

DAMIEN: Ri… Ri… Ri… R-R-Ril… R-R-Ril… (WAILING) Rillaaaaaaaa!

ANGELO: For Saint’s sake, man! Pull yourself together!

DAMIEN: My heart, my heart, the very furnace of my life, the fire of my being, my Rilla, it’s been weeks, weeks!

MARC: Uhh… what?

TALFRYN: Did something happen to Rilla?

ANGELO: Of course! You haven’t heard? A cunning four-armed lizard has struck the Citadel and stolen Rilla from her bed. Sir Damien and I are in hot pursuit of the beast, but it must have sabotaged our boat! The scoundrel!

TALFRYN: Four-armed lizard…

MARC: Snuck into the Citadel…

TALFRYN: The best monster slayers in hot pursuit…

MARC: And so the beautiful maiden is… Rilla. (GAGGING)

TALFRYN: Sir Marc!

ANGELO: Saints above! Now some pox of the heart has wracked your brother, too!

MARC: Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! (SPITS)

DAMIEN: (WAILING)

TALFRYN: But… now we can save Rilla, right?

MARC: I can’t believe the girl I was hoping to kiss was… Rilla! Why aren’t you more upset about this?!

TALFRYN: Uhh… am I supposed to be?

MARC: Oh, Tal, she’s basically our sister!

TALFRYN: I… um… I… I… uhm…

DAMIEN: Your sister? Rilla has no salamander’s blood, you fraud!

MARC: Maybe not, but she’s still our family. That’s why Tal and I are going to save her.

DAMIEN: You will do no such thing! I will save Rilla!

MARC: You wish!

TALFRYN: Guys… does it really matter who—

DAMIEN: She is my fiancée! My love!

MARC: Yeah, well, she’s our Rilla!

ANGELO: Friends, please! The boy has a point!

TALFRYN: Boy…?

ANGELO: Perhaps we shall each save half of her, hmm?

DAMIEN: And give anything to him? I think not!

MARC: Not like you’ll have a choice! We’ll get there way before you!

DAMIEN: You two? Best the Citadel’s greatest knights at… anything? Never.

MARC: Oh yeah? Prove it!

DAMIEN: Name the place and time.

MARC: How ‘bout right here, right now?

VOICE 1: (DISTANT SCREAM)

TALFRYN: What was that?!

MARC & DAMIEN: (IN UNISON) Our challenge.

DAMIEN: Whoever saves this woman first is the better knight.

MARC: Tal, give him your horse. I don’t want to hear him whine about cheating when he loses.

TALFRYN: Guys, I don’t feel good about this… that person sounds like she really needs our help.

DAMIEN: Then it sounds like you’d better get off that horse now, doesn’t it?

TALFRYN: (MOANS)

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS, BUCKLES CLINKING.

MARC: On three.

TALFRYN: Guys, it sounds like she really needs—

DAMIEN: One…

MARC: Two…

MARC & DAMIEN: Three!

SOUND: GALLOPING.

ANGELO: Oh, but I can never resist some friendly competition! Come along, good Talfryn!

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.

Hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup… (FADING OUT)

TALFRYN: Ohh, I hope she’s okay…

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

***

SOUND: GALLOPING.

VOICE 1: (SCREAMS)

DAMIEN: (MUFFLED, DISTANT) You cut me off!

MARC: (MUFFLED, DISTANT) That’s just called being slow, sore loser!

VOICE 1: (SCREAMS)

SOUND: LEAVES RUSTLING.

MARC & DAMIEN: Ha!

DAMIEN: Fear not, dear maiden!

MARC: I’ll save you!

VOICE 1: Ahh!

MARC: …from… nothing.

Do you see a monster?

DAMIEN: None at all. She appears to be screaming in this clearing… alone?

(CLEARS THROAT) Um… milady? Is there any… danger here that we can assist you with?

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.

MARC: We’re not just… like, interrupting your private time? Hopefully?

SOUND: LEAVES RUSTLING.

ANGELO: (DISTANT, APPROACHING) Hup hup hup hup– Ha ha! Here at last!

TALFRYN: (PANTING & COUGHING) Is everything… okay?

VOICE 1: They’re here! They’re all here!

DAMIEN: Please, milady – I implore you to settle your spirits and speak. Who are the they you speak of?

VOICE 1: You, of course!

Everybody, look! The competitors are here!

TALFRYN: Uh-oh.

SOUND: CHEERING, APPLAUSE.

DAMIEN: Saints above! The trees are filled with women!

TALFRYN: Hey, guys? Has anybody else noticed this clearing is kind of… weird? All the markings in the grass, the lines and numbers…

ANGELO: It appears to be… a field for some sort of competition.

VOICE 1: (GIGGLES) Of course it is, sillies. Nymphs love sport.

NYMPH CROWD: (CHANTING) Sport! Sport! Sport! Sport! Sport! Sport!

MUSIC: STARTS.

SOUND: CHEERING, APPLAUSE.

VOICE 2 (FROM MICROPHONE): Llllllllladies and more ladies! Nymphs from the palm to the cacao, who tango in the mangroves, and salsa in the balsas, welcome… to… SPORT!

NYMPH CROWD: (SCREAMING)

VOICE 2 (FROM MICROPHONE): I’m Sunny Budkin, here with my pal Pitley—

MUSIC: FADES OUT.

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): Thaaat’s right, Sunny, Game 28,955 is already here and boy is it a good day for sport, let me tell ya, nice breeze and the sky’s clear as Game Forty-One with the Southern Frosts twins, what a game, what a game.

VOICE 2 [SUNNY] (FROM MICROPHONE): And we’ll be your announcers on this beautiful day. And why’s today so beautiful, Pit?

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): ‘Cause it’s always beautiful when we get to see some sport!

NYMPH CROWD: (CHANTING) Sport! Sport! Sport! Sport!

TALFRYN: M-M-M… Marc…

MARC: I know, buddy. This looks like a trap.

DAMIEN: Sir Angelo… my bow will watch the trees while you protect the civilians.

ANGELO: It is done.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Who’s the best of the best? Who will be the hero to end all heroes? Who will free the beautiful damsel from her chains? We’ll find out today… in sport!

NYMPH CROWD: (CHEERS)

ANGELO: Sir Damien? Shall we retreat?

DAMIEN: On second thought… that damsel may need our help.

MARC: Don’t want to let a lady down. And, we never settled our bet.

TALFRYN: (MOANS)

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Pitley, do you mind telling our challengers what they can expect?

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): You see, what we have here is your classic sport setup – forty-five thousand years old, Sunny, that’s nearly as old as sport itself.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Year fifty thousand is comin’ in hot, Pit!

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): You better believe it! But anyway, so you got two teams of two, two qualifying rounds before the finals. The winners of the two qualifiers’ll go on to the final challenge and whoever proves they’ve got it will release the damsel.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): So that’s one member of each team for each qualifier. But Pit, hang on: what if the same team wins both qualifiers?

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): Even with two athletes working side by side, the finals don’t come free, Sunny. Hell, that reminds me of the old Of-Reilly-Of-Malley family game, that was Game… (FADES INTO BACKGROUND)

MARC: (QUIETLY) You hear that, Tal? Looks like we’re gonna save a damsel after all!

TALFRYN: (QUIETLY) But Marc… what happens to the losing team?

MARC: (QUIETLY) I don’t know. We’re not gonna lose, so it doesn’t really matter, does it?

TALFRYN: (QUIETLY) I’m just gonna ask—

MARC: (QUIETLY) No. We can’t show ‘em any weakness. They’re too full of themselves already.

(CALLING) We’re ready to grind these two into the ground, nymphs!

DAMIEN: And we accept their challenge, fair maidens of the wood!

NYMPH CROWD: (CHEERS)

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Alright, it sounds like our athletes are champing at the bit down there, so what do you say we get this started, huh?

Time to pick the qualifying rounds! Bring out the helmet!

NYMPH CROWD: (CHEERS)

ANGELO: Ha ha! Well, isn’t this exciting!

TALFRYN: Did anybody else notice that helmet they’re pulling those slips of paper out of has bloodstains on it?

DAMIEN: Why do you ask, false knight? Are you thinking about quitting?

MARC: (HISSING) Talfryn!

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): What’ve we got there, Pitley?

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): First round: swordplay!

NYMPH CROWD: (POLITE CLAPPING)

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): Nope, sorry, I read that wrong. (CLEARS THROAT) First round: wordplay!

NYMPH CROWD: (CHEERING)

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): A crowd favorite! Let’s hope I get as lucky. Round two is…

Single combat!

NYMPH CROWD: (LOUD CHEERING)

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Now choose your teams, athletes, and pick which of you will take on each challenge. You have ten minutes to strategize… and then let the games begin!

NYMPH CROWD: (CHEERING)

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

***

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.

ANGELO: (FADING IN) Hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup—

DAMIEN: Sir Angelo! Where have you been?

ANGELO: My apologies. These fairest of nymphs asked to know our names and titles, and I could not leave them in distress.

DAMIEN: Please remember, my friend: beautiful though they may be, these nymphs are monsters.

ANGELO: I cannot believe that creatures with a love for something as wholesome as sport can be purely evil, Sir Damien. Perhaps they are monsters with some good in them, as it was with the loyal crocodile-hound?

DAMIEN: Perhaps… but is it possible that monsters with such souls might be…

Focus, Sir Angelo! We must let their captive languish no longer. The preliminary rounds were Saint-sent; we shall play to our strengths and save her quickly. You will take single combat.

ANGELO: But Sir Damien—

DAMIEN: Marc is known for his quick tongue – inevitably, he will take wordplay. I will defeat him in the first round, and then you and I will end this together.

ANGELO: But… taking our specialties so quickly? That doesn’t seem in competitive spirit. And the besaddled one did invent that device—

DAMIEN: He did not invent the net!

My kind, kind friend. I agree that it is a shame that we cannot trust these men. They would be valuable allies, as Sir Caroline was – for moving through the world as she has, in a life quite different from ours, has clearly gifted her with ways of thinking that you and I would never come to.

ANGELO: Very true, very true.

DAMIEN: And so I am certain that given Marc’s… situation, he too must have a perspective of great value in our mission. But the simple fact is that he cannot be trusted. Sir Absolon was most clear about that. And so we must defeat him, quickly, and continue on our own.

ANGELO: Hmmmm. Your theories on perspective are most interesting, Sir Damien.

DAMIEN: I hope we may prove them safely soon. Now—

ANGELO: Why, yes! The Queen does not keep many knights with tall brothers, does she? An oversight! I shall speak with her directly upon our return.

DAMIEN: Angelo… that isn’t quite what I—

ANGELO: Soft-bodied siblings, then? Horses with names?

DAMIEN: Your horse has a name, my friend.

ANGELO: (FADING OUT) Saints above, so he does! The Queen’s foresight never ceases to astound!

MARC: (FADING IN) You’re really bringing me down, here.

TALFRYN: I’m just saying – have you ever heard of this sport before? Or these nymphs?

MARC: ‘Course I haven’t. You heard them: this game’s all about tradition, and they said the tradition was to play it once every thousand years! Everyone who played it before is dead by now.

TALFRYN: But… Marc, that doesn’t make—

MARC: Does it matter, anyway? Think about the woman they’ve got locked up. Someone’s got to save her!

TALFRYN: And there’s something really weird about the way they keep saying damsel all the time!

MARC: Sure, it’s kind of an old word, Tal, but you don’t have to make fun of their dialect—

TALFRYN: I’m serious!

MARC: Yeah, I know. But I have a sure-fire strategy to win this thing, Tal, so you’ve got nothing to worry about.

TALFRYN: …Really?

MARC: Of course. Just let me take single combat. I’ve got a plan.

TALFRYN: Single combat?! You want to fistfight Sir Angelo?!

MARC: No way is it gonna be Angelo. Listen: Damien’s so full of himself he’s probably sending Angelo out to bomb the first round so I’ll pass on to the finals and he can fight me there. So we’re gonna play smarter! Surprise ‘em!

TALFRYN: Marc—

MARC: You’ll beat Angelo at wordplay no problem, because you’ve got plural brain cells, I’ll take out Damien, and you and I’ll go sweep that pretty maiden off her feet in the finals. What do you say?

TALFRYN: But… it’s single combat, Sir Marc.

MUSIC: STARTS.

What if they don’t let you bring Dampierre?

MARC: Oh, that’s the plan, Tal. Just you wait.

SOUND: HORSE SNORT.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Aaaaand we’re back! Time to get started with wordplay!

Mind telling us how it works, Pitley?

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): Wordplay’s an old favorite; dates all the way back to the days of asking riddles in trees and throwing acorns when they get ‘em wrong. Two champions are gonna prove their bravery by doing the scariest thing there is: reciting original poetry to a live audience of two thousand pretty girls.

NYMPH CROWD: (CHEERS)

TALFRYN: Poetry…?! Marc, I don’t know anything about poetry!

MARC: Uh-oh.

TALFRYN: I was so worried about your challenge that I didn’t even think about mine!

MUSIC: ENDS.

What are we gonna do, Marc?

MARC: It’s just Angelo, buddy. Just calm down, alright? That big moron’s going to insist he goes first anyway.

DAMIEN: With your permission, Mistresses Budkin and Pitley, I will volunteer to deliver the first poem.

MARC: There, see? Just take a deep…

That was the wrong moron, wasn’t it?

TALFRYN: Maaaaaaaaaarc!!

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Our first team comes complete with a recommendation by Queen Mira herself! Best monster slayers, best rivals, and best friends, they are… Sir Angelo the Strong and Sir Damien the Pious!

NYMPH CROWD: (CHEERS)

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

DAMIEN: Yes, thank you, thank you, you’re too kind…

My esteemed forest-spirits. It is my honor to entertain you this day. I present to you a tale of competition and excitement, a song of strife on the field of battle, and love on the sidelines, a four-hour epic that will make your hearts ache and your spirits soar—

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): The athletes should probably be reminded that their poems can’t take more than two minutes to recite.

DAMIEN: A two-minute ballad that will change your very conception of drama. I give you… The Battle at World’s End.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

So to the West, the lifeless West, the troubadour did trot; Through boughs of burning red and gold, ‘twas solitude she sought. When, clash! the iron thundered, lo, “Have at thee!” the reply; and ‘neath the leaves, the forest’s eaves, she heard their battle-cry. (FADES INTO BACKGROUND)

TALFRYN: Marc, my mind’s a blank! I don’t know how to say poetry! I-I-I-I-I barely even know how to say words, I’m so—

MARC: Stay with me, Tal. You can do this. Poetry is just a bunch of pretty words about nature, right? You know everything about nature! Just say some of that!

TALFRYN: A-a-anything?

MARC: Anything. Come on, try it out.

TALFRYN: Okay.

(SIGHS) You can get a quick survey of the wild fruits that grow in the area if you look for bear droppings, because the unripe berries don’t get digested and then—

MARC: Yeah, o-o-okay, no, stop, stop, stop!

TALFRYN: I don’t think that was a poem, Marc.

MARC: Of course it was. It was just… too experimental for this crowd.

DAMIEN: (FADING IN) And so they fell straight down to Hell, and battled ‘til the end.

Thank you.

NYMPH CROWD: (GOES WILD)

SOUND: BUZZING.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Pistils and stamens, now that was a poem!

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): Don’t usually see a crowd this excited during wordplay, Sunny. I hope the other boys got brains to match their looks, because the competition today is fierce!

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Well, what do you say we find out? Our next team hails all the way from the Second Citadel, and according to my inside source, they’re on a family vacation! Isn’t that sweet?

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): Sure is, Sunny, sure is.

TALFRYN: Marc…!

MARC: Alright, just… try this, then. I want you to say “Roses are red, violets are blue,” and then just follow it up with whatever’s in your heart.

TALFRYN: Anything?

MARC: Just so long as it’s not about droppings, yeah, now go!

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): So let’s meet them, shall we? Say hello to our brothers-in-arms – Marc the Salamander—

MARC: Hey!

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): —and Talfryn the other one!

TALFRYN: Hey!

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): And it looks like Talfryn’s up first. Give him a hand, everybody; he’s sure got one tough act to follow!

NYMPH CROWD: (APPLAUSE, CHEERING)

ANGELO: Sir Damien! You assured me that Marc would take wordplay!

DAMIEN: They’re up to something, Sir Angelo – watch them carefully.

MARC: (CALLING) Don’t let ‘em get in your head, Tal! Just remember what I told you and poem your big heart out!

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

TALFRYN: O-okay…

(CLEARS THROAT) Hello, everybody. My name is Talfryn. And this is my poem.

Roses are red! Violets are blue!

No they’re not.

NYMPH CROWD: (AFTER A PAUSE, LOW MUTTERING)

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): I… think that might be it, Pitley.

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): Give the kid a second. Lot of great plays to make here. Wordplay’s full of surprises, full of surprises.

MARC: Tal, what are you doing?

TALFRYN: It’s not true, Marc! Violets aren’t blue! They come in pretty much every other color except blue, they can be white and yellow and pink and they’re even called violets, so why does everyone say they’re blue?

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): (CHUCKLES) …Pitley?

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): Wordplay’s full of surprises, Sunny.

This ain’t one of ‘em.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): There you have it, ladies! Sir Damien the Pious is moving on to the finals!

NYMPH CROWD: (CHEERING)

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Now don’t go anywhere, because the next round is just about to begin! Athletes, would you please follow our lovely attendants to the single combat arena!

TALFRYN: Marc… I’m sorry!

MARC: Don’t be. It’s my fault for only thinking about my round.

TALFRYN: Right. But that means…

You’re going to fight Sir Angelo?!

MARC: Yep. Not exactly ideal, but I’ll make it work. And besides—

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

VOICE 3: Hey boys. I’m heading over to single combat, wanna join?

MARC: Every cloud’s got a silver lining, y’know what I’m saying?

On our way, beautiful!

TALFRYN: No. I don’t.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): While we’re waiting for Sir Angelo and Marc to suit down, why don’t you tell us a little about single combat, Pitley?

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): Love to, Sunny, love to. Single combat is basically your ideal showdown, stripped down to nothing but your underwear and a stick for hitting the other guy with. The first athlete to knock the other outta the circle takes it. Each one gets to bring in one non-magical article of clothing to keep ‘em decent, but besides that it’s nothing but two men and a few concussions.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Sounds exciting, Pit.

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): It’s lost its edge if you ask me. In the old days we didn’t even give them the underwear. Just slathered ‘em in honey, sat back, and enjoyed the show.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Sounds like a sexy time, Pit.

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): You bet, Sunny, you bet. But if you want more sport, you have to make a few compromises. I miss those old games sometimes. Thousand years of anticipation and—

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Aaaaaaand it looks like Marc and Sir Angelo are ready for single combat! Approach the ring, champions, and let the games begin!

VOICE 3: Go get him, Mister Knight.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

ANGELO: Sir Damien, this doesn’t feel as fair as I’d hoped.

DAMIEN: I’m certain that Marc planned it that way. We gave him the honorable option and he did not take it. Remember that.

ANGELO: Oh, I don’t mind beating the Salamander around a little. He seems perfectly competent. I mean only… I wouldn’t want to harm an innocent horse.

DAMIEN: The steed of a demon rides also in the devil’s army, my compassionate rival – and that horse rides for him. Do you follow?

ANGELO: (AFTER A PAUSE) Then the horse… is a demon.

DAMIEN: Metaphorically, yes, but—

ANGELO: Why thank you, Sir Damien. You are as wise as ever. Haaaaaaaahhhh!

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.

Hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup! Sir Angelo is prepared for single combat! Down, you beast of hell, you infernal steed, you…! You…

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS SLOW, STOP.

Well, hello, Marc. Where is your demon horse?

MARC: Oh, Dampierre’s over there.

SOUND: HORSE NEIGHS.

TALFRYN: (DISTANT) Go, Marc!

ANGELO: But, you…

MARC: I realized it probably wasn’t fair for you to fight both of us. It’s single combat, right?

ANGELO: That is very honorable of you.

May I ask also where your underwear has gone?

MARC: Ah, don’t need it. I’ve got these.

SOUND: TWO METAL CLANKS.

ANGELO: Yes, I can see that. Your greaves are impressive, but—

MARC: They’re just metal socks, actually. You like? Made ‘em myself.

ANGELO: …Can we expect your underwear to join us at any point?

MARC: See, I’d love to, but I can’t. The one pair I’ve got on me’s enchanted – long story, makes it so I don’t get sores from sitting on Dampierre all day, got ‘em off a troll with a skin condition. These passed inspection, though. You wanna look ‘em over?

ANGELO: No! No, no, I think… if the nymphs are satisfied, I shall be too!

MARC: Yeah, well, it is what it is. You think I like sitting in the dirt in front of a crowd of beautiful women naked as the day I was born?

ANGELO: My experience says that you should not, and yet your eyes seem to imply you do. Greatly.

MARC: Yeah, well, you got me.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Are our competitors ready for single combat?

MARC: (CALLING) I’m ready! (NORMAL VOLUME) Need a minute?

ANGELO: Your style is unique, Marc. I look forward to learning from this battle. (CALLING) Sir Angelo the Strong is ready for combat!

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Alright, then! Three… two… one… Single combat!

NYMPH CROWD: (CHEERING)

SOUND: GRUNTS, METAL CLANKING & RUSTLING.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): It looks like we don’t have to wait long for surprises in this round. Marc has put down his weapon!

ANGELO: I’ve never seen such a stance. You must be a master of the blade.

MARC: Master of something, alright…

Got ‘em!

SOUND: JINGLING KEYS.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Looks like he’s pulled a ring of keys out of his socks! Incredible! Is that even legal, Pit?

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): The whole spirit of single combat’s in your prep and your mental game, Sunny. Honestly, I can’t think of a move more legal than pulling keys out your hose. I don’t think I need to remind you about Theodore—

DAMIEN: (CALLING, OVER THE BELOW) Sir Angelo! Don’t give him a chance to cheat you! Finish this!

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): (OVER THE ABOVE) —of Scumm back in Game Nine-thousand-and-thirteen, who used his codpiece as a slingshot—

ANGELO: (OVER THE BELOW) Prepare yourself, Marc!

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): (OVER THE ABOVE) —and his own teeth as ammunition. Now that was sport!

SOUND: CLINKING.

MARC: (OVER THE BELOW) Just gotta flip this clasp, move that pin, turn the key, and then… ha!

ANGELO: (BATTLE CRY, OVER THE ABOVE) Hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup…

SOUND: PNEUMATIC HISS, METAL CLINK.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): It looks like Marc’s completed whatever process he has hidden in his stockings, but will it be enough? Look at those muscles on Sir Angelo!

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): Mmmmmm-hmmmmm, I’m lookin’, Sunny.

ANGELO: That’s, um… hm. A powerful throw! (GRUNTS)

MARC: Lift with your legs, Angie, you’re gonna throw your back out.

ANGELO: Of course! My thanks! (GRUNTS, COUGHS) Saints, man! I was told you were the Salamander, not the elephant!

MARC: I’ll tell you my secret if you do me a favor?

ANGELO: But of course.

MARC: Throw the match?

ANGELO: That I cannot do.

MARC: Then I’ll settle for you never calling me the Salamander again, ‘cause I kind of hate it.

ANGELO: It is already done. My sincerest apologies.

MARC: Hey, bygones. It’s the metal socks. When I turn this key in the lock at the thigh, here, they shoot two big tentpole-spikes into the ground. You’d have to lift the whole arena if you want to get me out of here.

ANGELO: Saints, how cunning! Devices that can outperform even my strength – impressive!

DAMIEN: (DISTANT, YELLING) It is not impressive! They’re just tentpoles! He did not invent the tentpole!

MARC: I’ve been busy, alright? The big one’s still comin’!

DAMIEN: (DISTANT, YELLING) I told you he was a cheat! Fair maidens, I implore you to rule justly and disqualify this deceiver!

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Sir Damien is crying foul! Pit, what do you think?

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): Marc checked with the referees ahead of time, and the socks are legal, nothing magical about them. Unless the crowd wants him to stop, I don’t see why—

NYMPH CROWD: (CHEERS)

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Then let Single Combat continue!

ANGELO: An excellent use of the rules, Marc. Sir Damien was right about you: your mind can certainly craft strategy that I would never dream of.

But perhaps, that road goes both ways, hmm?

MARC: Did you mean to say that out loud?

ANGELO: Hmm, yes! May I see those keys of yours? I was hoping that by inspecting them I might learn more. About keys.

MARC: Yeah, no. Dampierre, catch!

SOUND: KEYS JINGLING. DISTANT WHINNY. GALLOPING.

DAMIEN: (DISTANT) Horse! Get back here!

NYMPH CROWD: (GOES NUTS)

SOUND: BUZZING.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Incredible!

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): A match that ragezzzz inside and outside of the ring! These boys are redefining sport!

MARC: So, I’m ready.

Let’s do this.

ANGELO: Indeed.

SOUND: WOODEN CLANKS, GRUNTING.

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): Look at the technique from Marc! He’s bolted to the floor and he’s still keeping Sir Angelo at bay!

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): But don’t count Sir Angelo out yet, Pit. Marc’s attacks don’t move him an inch. And look at the power behind those blows! Marc can parry until the aphids come home, but if Angelo tires him out, then just one hit from that club will do damage no socks are going to fix.

ANGELO: (WINDED) It seems you are no stranger to the blade, my friend.

MARC: We’ve met a few times, yeah. (PANTING) You’re not so bad yourself.

ANGELO: Your compliment holds great weight, coming from so skilled a competitor. Yet I’m afraid our battle must end here. I cannot leave Sir Damien waiting.

MARC: He’s not waiting. He sounds like he’s having a great time.

SOUND: GALLOPING.

DAMIEN: (DISTANT, PANTING) Come back, you cloven coward, you four-legged fiend! Come back!

SOUND: WHINNY.

ANGELO: Even so, the damsel and Rilla await. I am sorry, Marc.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Unbelievable! Sir Angelo’s dropped his weapon, and he’s… retreating!

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): Not retreating, Sunny. It’s that mind game, I tell you. Which is great for sport and too bad for me.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): You do like your eye candy, Pitley.

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): What can I say, I’m a nymph with simple tastes. Give me a man with muscles and… literally nothing else, Sunny, that’s all I’m after.

TALFRYN: (CALLING) Sir Marc! I thought you said the plan was to knock Sir Angelo off his feet!

MARC: Yeah, well, that one didn’t super work. But don’t worry, Tal: your big brother always comes up with a plan.

TALFRYN: What is it?

MARC: Not sure yet. Let’s find out together.

TALFRYN: Marc!!!

ANGELO: Use your weapon all you like, Marc. Once Sir Angelo the Strong has started his charge, nothing can stop him. Prepare to leave this ring… and those stockings.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Sir Angelo’s entered a runner’s stance. It– it looks like… It looks like…

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): He’s gonna tackle that handsome fella straight out of the only clothing he’s got! No need to dance around it, we’re all nymphs here.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Hold me, Pit.

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): You bet, Sunny.

TALFRYN: Sir Marc!!

ANGELO: (EXTENDED BATTLE CRY)

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.

MARC: Three… two… one…! (GRUNTS)

ANGELO: (EXTENDED BATTLE CRY FADES OUT)

NYMPH CROWD: (GASPS)

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): …Unbelievable.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): You saw it, folks. Nothing can stop Sir Angelo when he’s at full charge. Marc the Salamander is the winner of Single Combat!

NYMPH CROWD: (CHEERING)

TALFRYN: Marc! You did it!

MARC: Takes years of practice to lie down that quickly, Tal. Take notes; your brother’s a professional.

SOUND: DISTANT WHINNY.

Dampierre! Over here!

SOUND: GALLOPING.

DAMIEN: (PANTING) You… sinister stallion… you pernicious pony… you, you, you…

SOUND: THWUMP. HORSE SNORT. KEYS JINGLING.

MARC: Thank you.

SOUND: CLINKING.

Aaaaand I’ll be taking those.

SOUND: FABRIC RUSTLING.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): What a show, ladies, what a show! In the finals we have Marc the Salamander and Sir Damien the Pious, competing to see who can release our damsel from her chains! What do you say, nymphs? Are we ready for the main event?

NYMPH CROWD: (CHEERS)

DAMIEN: (PANTING) You shameless…! I knew you were a cheater!

MARC: Help me up, Dampierre, don’t be lazy.

SOUND: HORSE SNORT. BUCKLES CLINKING.

DAMIEN: So? Do you have nothing to say for yourself?

MARC: Do you hear that noise, Tal? That annoying whine, like a mosquito or maybe a sore loser that can’t take a hint?

DAMIEN: Sore loser!

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): While we prepare for the finals, can we please ask Sir Angelo and Talfryn to report to the announcers’ podium?

TALFRYN: Sir Marc… something weird is going on here.

DAMIEN: It was single combat, villain! Have you no honor?

MARC: Weird is right, Tal. That buzzing just won’t stop!

TALFRYN: No, I mean… the way they keep saying damsel doesn’t sound right. And then they made that weird noise—

DAMIEN: I am speaking to you, Salamander!

MARC: Hold on just a second, Tal. I think Damien might be trying to say something.

You wanna repeat that, pal?

DAMIEN: You have earned the name more than once today. Sir Angelo was the better warrior and you knew it, so you brought in something he couldn’t beat. That is not a duel!

TALFRYN: Marc…

MARC: The event was not called “duel.” It was called “single combat,” and the rules were—

DAMIEN: Vague! Which you used to your vile advantage!

MARC: I strategized!

TALFRYN: But Marc…!

VOICE 3: Come with me, hon.

TALFRYN: Oof!

MARC: Just because you two were over there yukking it up about how Angelo was going to beat down the helpless “belly-dragging salamander” when you should have been talking strategy—

DAMIEN: How dare you accuse me of such vile intent! A knight wouldn’t… I wouldn’t! You earned that moniker with your wickedness, with your lies, with your—

ANGELO: (IN BACKGROUND) Hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup!

MARC: That doesn’t mean you get to whine ‘cause I found an edge and took it! You’re an idiot if you don’t prepare before a fight, I outsmarted you, deal with it!

ANGELO: (IN BACKGROUND) Sir Damien, did you see that battle! One of the best—

DAMIEN: Belly-dragging? That is not even what salamander means!

MARC: Don’t be dense—

DAMIEN: I can’t believe you would suggest that I would call you something so vile!

MARC: And another thing! If you cared so much about it being a fair fight you never would’ve let me go in there without my horse, you—

MUSIC: STARTS.

Huh?

DAMIEN: Where are Sir Angelo and your brother?

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Welcome back, ladies! The finals might not be here just yet, but we have something special for you right up on the announcers’ podium. Anything you want to say to the crowd, boys?

TALFRYN (FROM MICROPHONE): Marc! Help!

ANGELO (FROM MICROPHONE): The Budkin woman has arms like steel rods, Talfryn! I can’t move an inch!

MARC: Talfryn!

DAMIEN: Angelo!

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): Y’know, it seems like most of them just say “help,” Sunny. Why is that?

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): There’s no understanding men or humans, Pit; you’re just going to tire yourself out taking on both.

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): (LAUGHS) Ain’t that the truth! Say, I got a question for our boys here.

ANGELO (FROM MICROPHONE): (STRUGGLING) Ha ha, this is it! I can feel her strength flagging beneath the mighty effort of Sir—

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): (GRUNTS)

ANGELO (FROM MICROPHONE): (WINDED, PAINED) Nevermind.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Just had to tighten my headlock. Go ahead, Pitley!

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): You both played a great game out there, boys, some of the best sport we’ve seen yet. How’s it feel to know that within half an hour, one of you’s going to be dead?

MARC & DAMIEN: What?!

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): I don’t know about Talfryn, Pitley, but it sounds like Sir Angelo here’s overcome with emotion! He’s speechless!

TALFRYN (FROM MICROPHONE): That’s because you’re squeezing his windpipe!

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): Oh, is that what that’s for?

ANGELO (FROM MICROPHONE): (DEEP BREATH, COUGHING)

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): Learn something new every day, Sunny. Speaking of which—

VOICE 3: (OVER THE BELOW) The finals are in the hedged arena, champions. Don’t want to leave the crowd waiting.

PITLEY (FROM MICROPHONE): (IN BACKGROUND) —let’s talk strategy for a second: do you think you boys would’ve done anything differently if you knew that your lives were riding on this game?

DAMIEN: Well… I… suppose…

Saints forgive me.

TALFRYN (FROM MICROPHONE): Maaaaaarc!

MARC: Don’t worry, Tal. I’ll get you. No matter what it takes.

SUNNY (FROM MICROPHONE): This is it, ladies and germinators! Does Marc the Salamander have sharp enough wits to cut through the competition and save his brother? Or will Sir Damien the Pious take his prize with only his bow and divine favor on his side?

Who will save the damsel? Who will win the tournament? Who is the better knight, and the better man? Find out… in the final round of SPORT!

NYMPH CROWD: (CHEERING)

MUSIC: ENDS.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

***

SOUND: TRAIN MOVING, MUSIC.

CONDUCTOR: If you’ve enjoyed this tale, please consider donating to The Penumbra on Patreon. Our artists work tirelessly to bring you these stories, and if you have the means, we hope you will support our efforts. Every dollar helps. You can find that page at patreon.com/thepenumbrapodcast. If you support us on Patreon at the $10 level or higher, you’ll receive access to commentary tracks like this one, from actors Jason Mellin, Matthew Zahnzinger, and M Sutherland, and co-creator Kevin Vibert:

SOUND: TRAIN STOPS, DOOR SLIDES OPEN, RAIN.

M: …Two or three times reading that script.

JASON: Yes. Uh… (CHUCKLES) I dunno why Caves of Discord is the only one using real name—

M: “You should smile more!” (GAGGING)

JASON: Ohh, god, yeah.

Um, since I’m the host, uh, could we go– uh, and we are recording this before hearing the first Second Citadel episode of the, uh, half season; um, could we go around and say what aspects of Lord Arum we like the most? Just like, what do you think is the most, uh, interesting or attractive about Lord Arum…

SOUND: DOOR SLIDES SHUT.

CONDUCTOR: You can also support The Penumbra by liking us on Facebook, following us on Twitter @thepenumbrapod, following us on Tumblr @thepenumbrapodcast, telling your friends about us, telling your friends to tell their friends about us, and especially by rating and reviewing our podcast on iTunes. Every rating, comment, and kind word spreads our stories further and inspires us to keep creating more and better tales to come.

We would like to give special thanks to all who support us on Patreon, but especially to Camille Blanton, Garrett A Miller, Jay Iannuzzelli, Karin Z-H, Canteloupe, Fiona Parker, Ota Arcana, Regan, Ko, Kim Zeugin, Atha Lang, Vron, Charlie Spiegel, Minchowski, and Jaimie Gunter for their incredibly generous contributions per episode. Thank you.

Did you know that The Penumbra has merchandise for sale? It’s true! The Penumbra has partnered with DFTBA to bring you the posters, shirts, and pins your heart desires. Just go to dftba.com and search for The Penumbra Podcast.

This tale, The Sportive Nymphs, was told by the following people: Stefano Perti as Sir Marc, Jason Mellin as Talfryn, Matthew Zahnzinger as Sir Damien, M Sutherland as Sir Angelo, Kristie Norris as Sunny Budkin, and Allison Choat as Pitley.

The Penumbra is created and produced by Sophie Kaner and Kevin Vibert. If you wish to know more about our ever-expanding, infinitely-creative team of artists, musicians, editors, designers, and managers, you can read about them in the show notes of this episode.

I’m afraid this is the end of the line for today, dear Traveler. We hope you will ride with The Penumbra again soon.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

#second citadel

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pirate-cannons · 6 years ago

Note

Hello! First of all: I LOVE YOUR BLOG

Hi there! I’m so glad you like it!!

I don’t plan to stop anytime soon! (Although I might disappear every now and then cause life happens…)

Anywho THANKS FOR THIS REQUEST AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!

Law, Sanji, Zoro, Nami and Sabo realizing they are in love with someone:

Law

It would take him a VERY long time to come to the conclusion that he was in love

Especially if it was someone in the crew. everyone else would figure it out long before their captain, however they wouldn’t dare mention it

At best they might try to HINT at it or constantly create situations to get the two of them together

For being the ‘smart one’ This of course goes completely over Law’s head

It comes to a point though that Law realizes maybe he does treat them differently

He worries more

Insists on treating them for every scrape and bruise…personally

Highly protective (He tells himself he’s just being a captain right?)

Over time, he becomes increasingly irritable because WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM

The constant urge to be by their side and these feelings he gets when he sees them smile

…maybe he picked up some sickness from that last island?

No that can’t be it

He hasn’t felt like this since…

…shit

N O P E

Trafalgar D. Water Law does not have feelings for his …

“Hey Captain, did you want me to load this stuff in the back?”

…The Surgeon of Death did indeed have feelings for one of his crew

Sanji

Sanji would have varying responses depending on if their s/o was a guy or girl

If it was a girl…well…Sanji loves all women right?

He knows he loves (Name) but if that’s all this feeling is…why does it feel so different with Nami and Robin?

Sanji would realize he was honestly in love with them once he recognized his feelings were no longer of distant admiration but rather that he truly cared for her

He’d still claim to love all women, but he was only IN love with one…

With a male on the other hand, things would be a little different and take him longer to realize

Sanji would recognize that he feel SOMETHING for the other male, but would most likely pass it off as being nakama, especially if they’re apart of the crew

He also starts to take in every detail of what the other male prefers when it comes to food, which he already does with the rest of the crew, but in this case he pays even closer attention and gets this funny feeling when he is complimented on one of his creations.

The real tell comes when Sanji starts to get irritated at the closeness between (Name) and that damn marimo

Of course he just passes that off as being irritable at ALL things related to the swordsman

Surely Sanji wasn’t jealous of him?

Once its starts to happen with other people, Sanji is forced to look at the details

He’s so focused on (Name) he doesn’t even realize the rest of the crew knows

Damnit all…

Zoro

Continuing the trend of being slow on the uptake…

Zoro doesn’t really bother with those kinds of thoughts. He has better things to do

For our swordsman, it’s a very subtle buildup

First they train and spar together. Then they start to nap together, And eventually Zoro will demand ask that the other comes with him when they explore an island

The crew swears they have two Zoros now

Similar to Law’s reaction, Zoro starts to become protective over the other

But it’s just another member of the crew right? Nothing he wouldn’t do for Luffy or Usopp?

One afternoon when the two have fallen asleep on one another again the crew gathers around them

“I’m going to tell him.”

“Robin, no!”

“You know if we don’t he’ll never figure it out”

“Nami-swan has a point, he’s pretty thick-headed”

Zoro starts to wake up to the voices around him and when he sees them all grinning at him he looks down to an unknown weight on his legs to find (Name) still asleep

Unable to fight back the mad blush that rises to his face, he tries to cover it up with his hand all the while glaring at the other members of the crew who are trying hard not to laugh

Zoro will get them back for this

…as soon as he can move

Sabo

Out of the boys, he’s the one who realizes it the fastest

He’s had a crush on their newest recruit for a VERY long time

Something about the way their smile lights up the whole room and the way their eyes twinkle when some mischief is about to happen on their watch and how they–Koala:You’re rambling, Sabo

He really isn’t subtle when it comes to these things

He thinks he is…but alas…the whole R.A knows at this point

Koala knows all about this little crush of his from the beginning and constantly tells him TO TELL THEM HOW HE FEELS ALREADY. Best wingman..woman

He knew his crush was something more when he couldn’t stop thinking about them and how he wished the two could always pair up for missions

When Sabo finally confessed and (Name) agrees, HE IS OVER THE MOON

He went from suave, to embarassed, to happy, to a stuttering mess in about 6 seconds

It was a rollercoaster to watch notthatKoalawaswatching

Nami

Nami is another one who it clicks for pretty early

She finds herself getting closer and closer to a particular member of the crew, making sure to always keep an extra eye out for them

It really hits her when she’s out shopping and a particular item catches her eye and she thinks, “I wonder if (Name) would like that?”

And this happens on multiple occasions

Nami will bring back little gifts for (Name) with comments like “I thought you might like this” or “This made me think of you.”

The rest of the crew is absolutely baffled that their scrooge is spending money…frivolously….ON ANOTHER PERSON

Robin just smiles to herself in the corner because she knows what’s going on

Nami is pretty private when it comes to her personal affairs so there is no celebration or huzzah moment when the two confess to one another

One moment they’re two close friends, and the next?…Something more

#the-jolly-pirate #one piece #trafalgar law #roronoa zoro #sanji vinsmoke #sabo the revolutionary #nami (one piece)#black leg sanji #trafalgar D. Water Law #Sabo (One Piece)#one piece headcanon #sanji #sabo #nami #law #onepieceheadcanon #OP #headcanon

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ayearofpike · 6 years ago

Text

The Starlight Crystal

Pocket Books, 1996 195 pages, 49 chapters + epilogue ISBN 0-671-55028-4 LOC: CPB Box no. 327 (Stored at Landover) OCLC: 34074707 Released February 1, 1996 (per B&N)

Paige Christian knew she was going on the anthropologist’s starship that would use near-lightspeed travel to jump ahead generations. But that didn’t stop her from falling in love before she left. It’s that love that keeps her going — through ship problems, interstellar war, the end of the universe itself — because of a promise she made. She can’t stop and won’t stop until she gets there, because Paige’s love exceeds the boundaries of space and time.

That one-paragraph summary sounds existential and metaphorical, but actually Pike is being painfully literal with these devices. It’s maybe the first hard sci-fi he’s given us since The Tachyon Web (which, by the way, would be re-released a year after this one). And now that I look back on what I’ve read, for someone who named himself after a Star Trek character, Pike hasn’t really done much in the hard-SF realm. The aforementioned two, Eternal Enemy (the second half, at least), maybe See You Later and The Visitor (both of which probably have too much spirituality and mysticism to qualify, even if there are spaceships) and The Star Group coming up (maybe, let’s see — I don’t remember it at all). Interesting how half of that output comes during the Spooksville years. Maybe he had enough supernatural horror going on in the kidlit division and needed to drop some science on teens to balance it.

We’ve seen this title crop up a couple of times before. It’s Mark’s video game in See You Later, and Shari Cooper wrote a short story with this title as the bulk of Remember Me 3. (I feel like it might be in another one, but I don’t want to dig through this whole blog for it.) This story has more in common with the latter than the former — vindictive aliens who only want to wipe out humanity, a universal presence that we are invited to join — but it does take Paige (as Mark indicates the size of his game) “to the ends of the known universe” (SYL, 10). In more ways than one. But let me not get too far ahead of the recap.

At any rate, I liked this one more than I remembered, and then I remembered liking it back when it was released. Yeah, it’s kinda sappy — one girl’s love pushes her farther than any human has ever dreamed of going! — but it hit me at the perfect time, having just started college and being a romantic in general and trying to figure out my own relationship status. Isn’t it worth it to pursue true love across the distance, when the reward upon reunion will be so sweet? The truth is that for me it wasn’t actually true love at the time, but the idea of it, the concept of sharing my life with one who could share my heart forever. But don’t try to tell eighteen-year-old me that; I wasn’t ready to grasp the difference between loving the idea of being in love and loving an actual person I wanted to spend time with. I’m not sure Paige does either, but maybe that’s why it resonated with me then.

Let’s jump into the recap and you can decide for yourself. It starts the way so many early Pike first-person novels started, with an acknowledgement that this tale is being written or told after the events we’re about to see. And again, the narrator conveniently forgets this frame as soon as she starts telling the story. In fact, the only place this has been fully effective was Remember Me, because Shari never forgot she was telling a story from the end. Ultimately I think what it’s there for is to impress upon us the enormous span of Paige’s life (nine billion years!) and the vastness of her experience, but it’s less foreshadowing and more straight up telling (and in some ways, misleading).

Oh, I should mention before we get too deep: the protagonist of this story is named Paige Christian. The book itself is dedicated to Paige Christian. I can’t find any evidence that Pike named his character for a real person, but it wouldn’t be that weird. Like, look back at The Midnight Club, and how he said it was inspired by a storytelling group at a hospital, and how specific he was about his main character’s origins and ethnicity when he’d never really done that before. That’s a clear case of trying to respect and honor a source. It’s not really that big of a step to just using their name.

So anyway, Paige kicks off her story by talking about the day she met her true love. She was coming out of a library and met some weird lady wearing sunglasses but who otherwise seemed familiar, who suggested Paige go check out the pond in the park across the street. When she gets there, a dude suddenly emerges from the water. This is Tem, and Paige feels an instant and inexplicable connection to him, as he does to her. Unfortunately, they’ve only got a week together, as Paige is set to blast off with her dad, the captain of the study vessel. So they promise to exchange letters once a month for the rest of their lives, which for Paige sucks because she’s gonna be writing to a dead dude before a year is passed for her.

So she gets on the ship and works in the gardens and writes her letters, but quickly starts to regret her choice. She asks her father to please stop and take her back to Earth, which ... have you ever tried to get a bureaucrat to listen? He can’t compromise the mission for one person’s feelings, even if that one person is his daughter. Plus, this has been a problem for him before: he was captaining another ship where the engine went haywire and they had to abort the mission then. So obviously he wants to have a successful one, never mind that it will throw a wrench into his daughter’s true love for a dude she knew all of one week. What I’m saying is I’m having a hard time sympathizing with Paige right now.

They get through their time dilation, spending two weeks at a speed sufficient to observe 200 years passing on Earth. Which: I don’t actually know how this would work. When the engines are on, they can’t receive transmissions. When they get to their target speed (99%+ the speed of light) and are coasting, wouldn’t they be going TOO FAST to receive transmissions? Let’s gloss over that and get to the important part: the attack! Yes, Earth is attacked and destroyed just as they are starting to decelerate. These alien warships have the technology to keep up with Paige’s ship at its high speed, and they catch it and send a boarding party. Paige’s dad plans to blow up the ship so that they can take out the alien commander (like in Shari’s story), but she (the commander) kills him before he can trigger the explosion and takes Paige hostage.

However, the guard who is supposed to take Paige to their ship instead takes her to the engine room, where he says he has a power source that will accelerate their ship away from the attackers. He climbs down and inserts a green crystal into the power core, upon which he is killed by his captain. She levels her weapon at Paige, but the ship’s first officer cuts her down before she can fire. Then they check their instruments, and sure enough: the alien warships are gone, and their ship is infinitely approaching the speed of light, and their engine can’t produce the power required to slow them down, to the point where they will simply outlive the universe. (I’m also not sure that this is factually possible, but I don’t care to do the math.)

It’s time for Paige to write another letter to Tem, but she doesn’t see the point. (We’ll learn in a little bit that he only wrote to her for five years.) She’s talking about it with her friend in the garden, when all of a sudden her friend is ... possessed? a channel? At any rate, she starts talking from a larger group consciousness that wants humanity to unify with it, to drop its illusions of desire so that it can truly find love and joy. Sound familiar? This is the primary tenet of the Eastern religion that Pike loves to scatter around his stories, or at least his version of it. But they also say that there is another ship of humans nearby, one that this crew will have to assist in decelerating so that they can then start a new human colony. The new captain is adamant that there’s no way there could be another ship of humans, which, like ... fucker, there’s been 200 years of progress on Earth since you left, you seriously disbelieve they could have made ANOTHER spaceship?

But anyway, they scan for it, and they find it, and then the presence comes back and tells them how to manipulate their technology to slow down and dock with this other ship. Specifically, they tell the scientists to clone the dead alien and have Paige interact with it, and then she will activate its genetic memories and remember herself. (More greatest hits!) So they go through the contortions to put a cloning womb in a shuttle fired at a slightly lower velocity and recapture it after enough time has passed for the clone to be an adult. (Time out: if there are shuttles on this ship, why couldn’t Paige just have taken one back to Earth instead of trying to get the captain to scrub the whole mission?) Under the guidance of the other, Paige takes the alien’s hands and concentrates on the connection between hate and love (yep, it’s back) and suddenly knows how to make the green crystals that will help control their engine. Along with a whole host of genetic manipulation techniques that will come in handy later.

Meanwhile, this universal presence is trying to teach the humans how to become one with it. It talks about understanding the difference between truth and illusion, and about the importance of love. But it won’t tell them the rest until after they recover the other ship. It turns out to be a colony in extended hibernation (with the propulsion end mysteriously missing) and check it out! Tem got on! Huzzah! Only he’s not waking up. In fact, out of more than 20,000 colonists, only two didn’t survive: Tem and one other woman. He death-cheated on Paige, that bastard!

But so the upshot is that Paige still isn’t satisfied, but her desire for this physical love with one human person that she can no longer have is getting in the way of her ability to achieve otherness. They’ve come back into real time now (this is the nine billion years she spoke of at the beginning), and they’re planning to colonize the dying Earth and live it out, but Paige wants to bury Tem first. Only he sits up and starts talking to her once they’re on the surface. Of course it’s the universal consciousness channeling through his body, and it tells her that everything is destined even though we’re not supposed to feel like it, and her destiny isn’t over yet. Paige is supposed to get back on the ship, empty it out, and take off with more green crystals, wait out a cycle of death and rebirth in the entire universe, and then come back to Earth the way she left it the first time.

So she does.

So if she went on and watched the universe start over, a span of who knows how long, why at the beginning did she say she’d been alive nine billion years? It’s never addressed! Let’s move on.

Her first thought, upon returning to Earth, is to break the cycle, to say fuck you to destiny and keep herself from having to suffer. So she gets a gun and some sunglasses and finds herself outside the library. But she can’t pull the trigger. Instead, she directs herself to the pond, just as before. Then, six months later, she goes to the pond, where Tem is diving again, and she befriends him and tries to start a relationship, all the while hoping that he won’t give up on Paige-on-the-ship for hiding-older-Paige-on-Earth. And he doesn’t. So she tells him something that only they could possibly know, a promise that she whispered to him on a deserted beach before she got on the ship. And now he knows that even though she’s got a different name and is older than she’s supposed to be, she’s back for him.

But Paige also knows that she’s got another responsibility. An awesome and terrible one. And it goes along with the genetic memory thing from earlier — how could she remember what the aliens knew unless somewhere along the line they had a gene in common? In fact: it’s hers. Part of her cycling around through a new universe was so that she would know that humanity needed a calamity to kick them forward toward the universal consciousness. And so she genetically creates the aliens. But that’s not all! She clones herself and Tem, in her own womb, and then when they all get on the colony ship and drop into hibernation she sets herself to wake up early so she can do what needs to be done. First, she disconnects the propulsion end of the colony ship and shoots it off into space to evolve its “aliens.” Then she wakes her children and joins hands with her daughter, who is actually her, and gives her shared consciousness. (No, she hasn’t accomplished unity, because it’s still just her and not the universe.) She can’t make her son into her partner, so he’ll always just be her brother ... another cockblock. But she does put them into a shuttle bound back for Earth, and then kills off this iteration of Tem and herself, because it is necessary for her growth.

A lot of tragedy going on here! Don’t worry — even though this is the end of the numbered chapters, it’s not the end of Paige’s story. As soon as she’s an adult, she and Tem enlist in the space army to try to track down and kill the menace of the aliens (which didn’t exist yet, but remember she already knows it’s coming). She uses her billions of years of smarts to work her way into command of a fighter, and then puts it into position to be captured by the aliens. But she’s got a radio in her pocket that basically EMP-bombs the aliens’ genetic code and kills them all. Then they fly the alien ship back to where Paige knows their home planet is (the one she sent them to in the first place) (and yes, she needed an alien ship to make it through their defenses undetected) and plants a bomb made of green crystals on the surface, one strong enough to destroy the planet itself. She intends to set it off herself, but surprise! Tem stowed away in her shuttle, and here he cuts off his foot so that she can’t make him leave, so that he’ll save her life and be the one to perish when the alien planet explodes.

Obviously this is the end of Paige’s career in the military, as well as the end of her hanging on to a love that wasn’t ever supposed to be. She finds a home with a primitive people on a distant planet, where she learns to weave rugs with such clarity and scope that the local shaman asks for a meeting. To get there, Paige has to hike for six days, each day overcoming another step on the journey to universal oneness. When she gets to the elder’s house, no one is there but a ten-year-old kid, who slowly reveals himself to be the elder, one with the universe, and tells Paige that she’s almost there if she will just accept it. And she starts to feel it, more strongly than ever before, strongly enough that she does finally believe him. When she leaves, the wind kicks up the surrounding dust, which forms into the shape of Tem, and they leave the physical realm hand in hand, together in love at last.

I know, it’s pretty sappy. But The Starlight Crystal is a solid synthesis of everything I liked about Pike’s early years, brought back with the skill (and, yes, some of the tropes) he’d develop over a decade of writing. It’s the love story I liked about the earlier lonely sci-fi novels, enough mysticality from the later stuff to make it feel more heavy and more real, and it ties together better than a lot of his other recent work. Maybe the math doesn’t hold up, but the feeling of want, of love, of a need to belong, does.

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