#which was fine!! i am simply a giant baby

[calamitouscynic]

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[eringobragh420]

💜 Pairing: Damian Priest x Black!f!Reader 💜 Summary: Sequel to Breeding. During the pregnancy, the soon- to-be-parents navigate their way through superstitions, a gender reveal, and TikTok videos. 🛑 Warnings: None. Straight fluff 💜 💜 Tag list: @pittieprincess22If, @cyberdejos2, @brideofinfamy, @rainbowdreams-x, @headcaseproductions1, @bearbutlikeprincessbear If you’d like to be added, please click here! 💜 Requested By: @wrestlingbaby Hope you enjoy!

First Trimester

“Wait, wait, wait,” Damian interrupted, rubbing his forehead. “So you’re saying … you’re saying I can’t tell my parents we’re having a baby for another month?”

“I’m not saying you can’t,” his girlfriend replied. The two of them sat on the very couch she’d told him she was pregnant on, facing each other. “I’m saying it’s something we do in my culture. It’s a practice that’s been passed down for—”

“It’s a superstition,” Damian remarked.

She rolled her eyes. “Fine, whatever, it’s a superstition. All I’m asking is that you please respect that. And I really don’t think I’m asking too much. It’s one month.” Damian sighed, gazing softly at her, and really, she’d known he would cave the whole time, but she had to let him get his argument in.

“Alright,” he conceded, “but, hey.” He pointed at her. “Thirteen weeks and a day, and I’m callin’ my mom.”

She giggled. “Of course.”

“And I’m not letting her yell at me the whole time either.”

She gasped, hand on her chest. “You would honestly make your pregnant girlfriend—” Damian tilted his head, eyes wide. “Okay, fine. Crybaby.”

Now he was offended, and he lunged at her suddenly. Even for his giant frame, he was somehow still so gentle and careful with her as he laid her back on the cushions. He kissed her lips, her cheeks, eyes, and all she could do was smile. She might have even purred. Damian moved down her body, avoiding her breasts after her complaint that her nipples were too sensitive to even be looked at, lifting up her shirt when he came to her belly. He kissed her cocoa skin before laying his head down. She brushed her fingers through his soft hair.

“I’m just excited about Damian Junior,” he mumbled against her belly button.

“I am not naming my child Damian Junior,” his girlfriend replied.

“Yeah, well, we can talk about it.”

“The hell we will,” she uttered to herself. And to Damian she said, “I probably shouldn’t even ask, but if it’s a girl—”

“Damina.”

“Oh, lord.”

“Junior.”

“Okay, get off me.” 

💜💜💜

Second Trimester

The party was a little more complex and involved than she’d wanted, but who was she to deny Damian a wrestling-themed gender reveal? Their backyard was beautiful grass, followed by soft sand, and finally, the warm, salty ocean. Usually. Today there was an almost-regulation size wrestling ring surrounded by comfortable chairs, which is where everyone was gathered as Rhea Ripley made her entrance. Her gear was a lot less risqué and a hell of a lot more pink, and she represented a baby girl. Dominik Mysterio was next, greeted by boos simply because of who he was, dressed in blue, representing a baby boy.

Damian and his girlfriend sat in the front row, Damian with his arm around her shoulders, as they watched the match. Rhea and Dom went back and forth for a short while, entertaining the crowd, before it was time for the big reveal. They performed an intricate sequence, which ended in Rhea successfully executing a Riptide, and after a three-count, she was declared the winner, and the baby revealed to be a girl. Damian and his girlfriend turned to each other, both smiling wildly as they hugged one another. She couldn’t help but boast that she’d known all along, Damian rolling his eyes, mumbling for her to take it easy.

The following week on Raw, Damian’s girlfriend watching on television from their home as a surprising bout of morning sickness had prevented her from traveling with him, Damian made his normal entrance. But at the end, he turned his back to the camera that was zooming in, and on the back of the leather jacket he wore were the words girl dad. When again he faced the camera, he winked at the lens, and his girlfriend, now a sobbing mess on the couch, knew it was for her. 

💜💜💜

Third Trimester

Damian set his phone on the counter, making sure his girlfriend was in the frame as she was washing dishes before he pressed record. He approached her from behind, brushing her braids from her shoulder so he could pepper butterfly kisses along the crook of her neck. His big hands slid under her swollen belly and he lifted, relieving the pressure on her back, and her hands fell into the soapy water as she all but collapsed against him. Damian chuckled.

“Oh, wow,” his girlfriend moaned.

“How’s that feel?” Damian asked, though the answer was obvious. 

“You know you’re gonna have to stay like this until I push this baby out, right?” she replied, hardly kidding.

“Absolutely,” Damian replied. “I would do anything for the ladies in my life.” Their daughter chose that moment to kick against his hand a few times, and his embrace tightened around them both. “She must’ve heard me.”

“She always kicks when you’re close.”

💜💜💜

Damian officially announced the birth of their daughter on Instagram three months after her birth, though the WWE community’s speculation was always on point. The photo was only of the baby’s tiny feet, his thumb and his girlfriend’s thumb also in the frame, and it received over a million likes. Their family hadn’t seen the baby either, according to another cultural superstition, which had caused a bit of an outcry on his side, but he’d stood his ground—it was important to the mother of his child, which meant it was important to him.

“She’s perfect,” Damian quietly said as the couple stood beside their daughter's crib, simply watching her sleep.

“Because she’s part you,” his girlfriend said. 

Damian smiled, hugging her to him. “And part you.” A moment of silence and then, “Little Damina.”

“That is not her name!”

[lindsaystravelblogs1]

Day 15 - creeping up on 2023!

Day 15, Friday, 30 December

We had a 4 am wakeup today – yep, that’s right – 4 am in the morning!  We were doing a ship cruise in the Drygalski Fiord.  It is not a particularly long fiord, but quite narrow and the scenery was pretty fantastic.  It was quite light at that time of day so it was good to get our first glimpse of South Georgia.  There had been warnings of extreme conditions at sea and along the western coast, but it was fine in the fiord and not too bad along parts of the east coast but our route continued to be changed on an almost hourly basis due to frequently changing forecasts.

We napped for an hour before breakfast and I spent a few hours during the morning sorting and selecting photos – a mammoth job but I have at least a few that I can post when I get a chance to post to my blog. I took a few breaks to check out the scenery on the port side of the ship and it was spectacular.  It was windy and wild, but there were many thousands of seals and quite a few birds, including penguins porpoising (penguining?) along near the ship – and of course forbidding snow-patched mountains towering over us.  We also passed many glaciers, but not a lot of floating ice.

The pain in my ribs comes and goes a bit but it was certainly worse that day.  Fortunately, Heather’s ribs were a bit better so we need to ration who is going to have pain on which day.

We had a landing at Gold Harbour where there is a big colony of King Penguins.  There were a few Chinstraps and Gentoos scattered among them, as well as many hundred fur seals and female Elephant Seals – the males will arrive in a week or two. It was a great landing, walking through the colony with so many animals and birds sitting around watching us watching them.  They are all completely unafraid and we often passed less than a metre from them without them moving at all.  There were lots of Skuas, Giant Petrels and Snowy Sheathbills sitting on the ground literally at our feet and I saw a few South Georgia Pintails, one of only two endemic species in South Georgia.  And I saw the other one, the South Georgia Pipit later in the day – one was fussing around less than half a metre from my gumboots.  And talking of gumboots, mine got filled with water when I disembarked on the beach.  I stepped off the zodiac just as a wave came and it filled both my boots.  We walked all around and through in the colony surrounded on all sides by seals and birds by the thousands.  They were in the little streams and on the beach, up in the tussock grass, right up the hillside, lazing around, moulting or squabbling with each other – doing all the things that seals and birds do in their natural state, whether or not humans are within arm’s reach.

During lunch, the ship moved to Cooper Bay where many of our fellow explorers climbed through the tussock grass, with fur seals and the penguins hiding inside it, to reach a place where they could look down on a colony of penguins.  We climbed up fifty metres and decided that the next five hundred was going to be too hard, so we retreated to the beach and enjoyed an hour or so watching the seals and birds in relative comfort.  There were several seal creches withing a few metres of us and the baby seals are so cute: totally unafraid of us and they come right up to us until we shoo them back to their nursemaids.  We also had lots of Gentoo, Chinstrap and King Penguins wander past or simply stand on the beach near us.  Of course, I was watching all the other birds in the area, including both the endemics – the Pipits and the Pintails poking around the rocks just a few metres away.

We did a short zodiac cruise on the way back to the ship.  We cruised in and out of a few narrow inlets and saw many more seals and birds, including a nest with a pair of Light-mantled Sooty Albatrosses incubating some eggs.  The rock formations were quite fantastic with strata running in all directions.  It is impossible to imagine how twisted and sculpted the rocks can be or how they could possibly have been formed like that.

A bit of swell had come up while we were on shore and getting out of the zodiac was quite challenging, especially with one of the deckhands not doing his job of helping us back on board.  Heather was left to help herself and fell into the ship when the zodiac fell away under her as she was stepping over the high threshold.   She ended up with scrapes and bruises on both legs and had to see the doctor again.  There is not much she could do to help, but she gave her some anti-inflammatory cream and told her to rest and take painkillers whenever necessary. It really is so sad that Heather now has another reason why she can’t do all the things she wanted to do on this trip.

The Recap session included a brief description and bio about fur seals.  Then it was dinner and bed with both of us feeling pretty sore and sorry for ourselves.

Day 16, Saturday, 31 December

New Year’s Eve – where did 2022 go? – or would most people prefer to imagine it had never happened. For me, despite a few hiccups along the way, I am glad it happened because I had lots of interesting adventures and they far outweighed the downside of any misadventures.

Our wake-up call came at 5.30 today and there was a zodiac cruise in the Godthul amphitheatre after breakfast.  It was a perfect sunny day for doing almost anything.  Heather saw the doctor about her injuries as mentioned above and decided to stay on the ship to rest, but I signed up for a Citizen Science zodiac cruise and it was quite fascinating.  We did a Cloud Survey on behalf of NASA.  Their satellites look down all over the world and analyse what the clouds mean for weather and other patterns, but they also need ground observers to confirm what the satellites are seeing.  It is all a bit subjective, but there are quite a few questions to answer as well as photographing the sky in several directions.  It is apparently an important science project, especially for expeditions like ours where there is very little other shipping with observers to give them what they need.

We did a Seaweed Survey, trying to identify if any of five particular species were present (we found three of them) as well as evidence of bleaching (yes, quite a bit) within the intertidal zone.

We also did a couple of Secchi disk soundings where we dropped a white disk attached to a long roll of measuring tape and we had to measure the depth at which the disk was no longer visible.  When we did this project a few days ago, we measured it at 17.8 metres, but this time it was only 10.6 metres.  What this is designed to do is to measure the opacity/transparency of the water to determine how much phytoplankton and zooplankton is in the water.  The more that is present, the healthier the environment, so the shallower the depth at which the disk should no longer be visible. That means that the water where we were for this test was much healthier than the previous test/s.

We also had a small dragnet that had been borrowed from the father of one of the other guides who is a marine biologist.  This was not an official Citizen Science project because the ship doesn’t yet have all the equipment necessary to complete the proper analysis, but we let the net out and trawled along in open water for a few minutes and collected quite a lot of little wrigglies.  That night, we looked at them under the microscopes and found a whole world of tiny creatures.  This was a really great little project because it got a lot of people interested in plankton and its place in the food-chain and carbon sequestration, etc. I reckon it was one of the best Citizen Science projects to enthuse people because they were exposed to a whole world that they had never seen before, and with access to a microscope, almost anyone can do it.  It certainly got our ship talking.

After lunch, the ship sailed to Maiviken where we dropped off about half our complement to walk cross-county to Grytviken, the only real settlement in South Georgia – population about 25 in summer, 15 in winter.  This is where Shackleton and his two colleagues finished their epic journey to get help for the rest of the crew that were stranded after their ship was crushed in the ice.

We stayed on board and the ship took us to Grytviken where we had some additional biosecurity inspections and a short presentation by some government officers before being ferried ashore to explore the town.  There were the inevitable penguins and seals lying around everywhere, but we wound our way through them and joined a half hour guided walk around the main area. We went to the Post Office and bought some souvenir stamps and posted a couple of cards home.  I checked out a quaint church and we saw a lot of the old plant and equipment (huge engines, pumps, vats, tanks and so on) from the whaling days.  I explored a small gallery cum museum, but we ran out of time to do more than poke our noses into the main Museum.

The cross-country walkers finished their hike in town and most of us headed for the cemetery where Shackleton and his right-hand man, Frank Wild, are buried.  The ship’s staff had arranged for us to all get a measure of Scotch to toast Shackleton at 5.15 pm – and we did so a little after 5.30.  We have heard and seen so much about this ill-fated yet heroic expedition on the trip, that the toast (and mini-oration) was quite a moving little ceremony for many of our number.

Once back on the ship, we showered and enjoyed a cocktail and a wonderful session around the microscopes looking at the strange monsters from the deep that our zodiac had collected in the morning.  Seeing these little creatures that most of us had previously only ever extrapolated from science fiction movies was absolutely fascinating, and it attracted a lot of interest from a lot of people.  Hopefully, it might fire the imagination of some of the younger passengers and crew to pursue a career or other form of assistance in the interests of the planet.  Heather and I got into a deep conversation with Nina (of Shackletonian history lectures fame) about the need for experts on the ship and how their influence might encourage some of the passengers to accept the challenge of improving the world for everyone.  It all sounds a bit pie in the sky, but I thought it was a very productive discussion and there is a possible opportunity for Nina and us to at least influence Aurora in our post-expedition feedback – at least we can hope!

After dinner, there was a New Year’s Eve party in the Tektite Bar.  We chose not to attend, but we certainly heard some of it.  The Bar is immediately under our cabin, and it was pretty noisy until about 1am.  We were told next morning that they kicked on until after 3am in the pool on Deck 7 (aft) that was filled specifically for the occasion and immediately emptied again. Good luck to them!

Our friends from Canberra, David and Megan, who shared our New Year’s Eve dinner - and many more enjoyable times during our voyage.  (Photo credit: Dr H E Wheat.)

[raibebe]

New routine

Genre: fluff Words: 1.490 Prompt: Samoyed hybrid Jeno x fem. reader

Warnings: mentions of pregnancy?

A/N: I had Samoyed Jeno brainrot a couple of nights back and gave birth to this so I hope you enjoy it! Also please appreciate the gif-header, it took me way too long trying to make it look like the twitch layout without too much success :]

Hybridverse masterlist

“Hey guys, how are you? It’s been a while. I hope the prerecorded youtube videos were enough to bridge the time while I was gone,” Jeno giggled almost shyly into the camera, watching his viewers trickle in and the chat filling up with welcome back messages, his cute Samoyed emotes being used liberally by his subs. “I’ve been more than fine, thank you,” he smiled before reading out a bunch of resubs that had been happening during his short hiatus, happy that his audience didn’t seem to have forgotten about him. “Wow those were a lot, thank you so much for your support guys, it honestly means a lot,” he ended the seemingly endless reading, quickly taking a sip from his trusty Redbull. “Yeah, uhm. I still see a lot of people asking if I was sick or something because I look so tired… Which yeah… Sleeping has not been the easiest thing, especially with my heightened senses despite being able to puppy nap almost anywhere,” he interrupted himself with a shy giggle, feeling how his tail swished against the leather of his chair. “Yeah so, for those who aren’t following me on Twitter or Instagram… Two- no almost three weeks ago, my little pup was born. I’m a dad now. And my girlfriend and I decided that it was best if I took some time off of streaming so I could spend as much time as possible with them until the little one has settled into a somewhat regular routine with nursing and sleeping.” Pulling up the picture he had posted of a bundled up Haneul in his arms, only his way too big ears and fluffy tail visible, he shared his screen again to show the viewers who hadn’t seen it yet. “That’s my baby boy,” Jeno smiled, his eyes barely able to keep up with all the heart emotes and congratulations in chat. “Thank you so much, guys. We’ve been good. The pup and my girlfriend are both as healthy as they could be even though we’re both very tired. He sleeps really well but he’ll still wake up at least once a night because he’s hungry or simply because he wants some cuddles,” the Samoyed hybrid shared. 

“Will you go back to your usual streaming schedule now? I don’t know yet, honestly. If I go back to three or four times a week, I’ll probably won’t stream as long? Being a first-time dad is exhausting, guys,” he laughed sheepishly, “We’re simply figuring out stuff as we’re going. Like my girlfriend is still high on hormones and can easily sleep way less than I do and be twice as energetic about it. She also already has nailed what the pup needs when he cries.” “You’ll learn that soon enough as well, don’t worry. Aaaah, that’s so sweet of you, thank you. I’m trying, I really am but sometimes he’ll just cry and cry until mommy takes him from me and he’s calm within a second. Which is just slightly offputting but he’s just more used to her I am guessing. And she is his primary source of food so there’s that.” “Will you share more of him? I haven’t really given it much thought yet. It’s not like I am some giant internet personality or something and he’s still very small and just so adorable that I might not always have the self-restraint to not post pictures of him literally everywhere. My whole camera roll is just pictures of him and my girlfriend,” Jeno giggled, “And it’s not like I could do anything if he ever decided he wants to visit me in the streaming room when he’s a little older or something. I don’t want him to think this room is off-limits or that he can’t come to me while I’m in here, you know?” For a little while, Jeno took in the flood of comments on the matter. “Aaah, I know people have very strong opinions about that kind of stuff but we’ll figure it out as we go. I’m also pretty bad at keeping things to myself. You already spoiled his name. Oh, well, yeah. In the post on Instagram, I did put his name in hangeul in the caption. So if you can read that, then yeah, you know his name.” Shrugging, Jeno took another sip from his Redbull can. You and he had debated whether or not to tell his audience Haneul’s name but in the end, Jeno had argued that he’d let it slip sooner or later anyway, so there was no use in hiding it in the first place. “Aaah, the auto-translation just translates it to sky?” He asked when he saw the comment fly by, his head tilting slightly to the right on instinct. “Well, that makes sense, that would be the literal translation of the characters. Pretty, isn’t it? Little sky puppy.” “Fitting if he has your ears. That’s true,” Jeno laughed, “His ears are so big right now. Like disproportionally big. His tail has the right length for his small body but the ears are just so big on him, it’s adorable. I could honestly just go on and on and on about how cute and adorable he is. God. I could keep going and show you about 200 pics of his ears”

“What game are we playing? Yes, let’s actually get started since most of you probably couldn’t care less about my pup and are here to see me play some games. Which is also what I am here for. So. We are playing something chill tonight. I know the room is pretty soundproof but I don’t wanna risk scaring the pup, so we will just hop into a game that I wanted to play for literally forever and I never picked it up because there are so many horror games on my list as well and I know you love seeing me scared. But as always, I’ll leave for a quick pee break and will be right back.” Smiling, Jeno turned up the chill background music for his viewers before he took off his headphones. From the corner of his eye, he could make out his chat erupting in messages of “chairno” with a bunch of hearts already as well as the little jamming dog emote Renjun had drawn and animated for him. 

Still smiling, he slipped out of his streaming room to quickly go to the bathroom. But he didn’t go back without a detour to the living room where you had his stream up on the big TV, holding Haneul to your chest. “Hey baby,” Jeno whispered, carefully sitting down next to you to not jostle you and in turn Haneul even if he simply wanted to flop down on the cushions to cuddle up next to you and his baby boy. “He’s awake,” you smiled, gently caressing your son’s squishy cheek. “Hello my baby boy,” Jeno cooed, giving in to the urge that told him he had to gently nuzzle his head against Haneul’s tummy. He was too tiny to properly scent him but the gesture still gave Jeno so much comfort and it seemed to make Haneul happy as well, his mouth open wide in resemblance of a smile and his eyes slightly curved in what you swore would become his dad’s signature eye smile in no time. They were still a very stark blue but Jeno was sure they would darken up eventually. “Will you be a good baby while daddy has to work?” He asked, gently running a finger along the shell of one of the big puppy ears that sat atop of Haneul’s head that he’d need to grow into which twitched adorably at the touch. “He’ll be the best boy,” you smiled, “We’re gonna watch daddy’s stream until its bedtime, right Haneul?” Of course, it was way too early for your son to vocalize anything properly, so he simply kicked his little sock-clad feet at the sound of your voice. “He’s so excited,” Jeno giggled, holding his palm out for Haneul to kick against. “Because he just got a fresh diaper,” you laughed, “And his naptime with daddy was extra good.” “Oh was it?” “He told me himself,” you smiled, giggling into the kiss Jeno pressed against your lips. 

“I gotta get back to work,” he sighed, his ears flattening against his head. “Off you go. Enjoy your game,” you shooed him, quickly pecking his lips again. “I’ll miss you,” he sighed. “You’re so dramatic,” you affectionately rolled your eyes. “Says the one who cried because she had to let her son out of her eyesight for a five-minute shower,” Jeno teased tight back, stretching out his tongue. “Go work, you idiot.” “I love you both too. Call me if you need anything.” “We’ll be fine, promise.” “Goodbye, baby boy,” Jeno smiled, pressing a featherlight kiss to Haneul’s forehead, “Be good for mommy while daddy isn’t here.”

[mojang-officialer]

What mob would do the best job of opening a coconut im asking for friend

so i thought about this a little bit too much and made a list of which mobs could either open a coconut, possibly open a coconut, or could not open a coconut, containing every single mob that has ever been in the game.

details below the cut

first some rules.

i've left out all passive mobs that aren't interesting, because you don't need pages of me saying every fish can't break a coconut.

all mobs are considered to have spawned with default equipment, nothing chance-based like enchanted weapons or armor on zombies, as that would be unfair.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

- Villager/Wandering Trader/Illagers: All of these would be able to break open a coconut. Illagers are proof that villager-type bodies CAN uncross their arms, but simply choose not to. They are also capable of tool usage, and some villages spawn with stonecutters. However, this feels kind of cheap, so I'm putting them here, as it's not really a NATURAL ability to break the coconut so much as it is the tool's ability to break the coconut.

- Any fish: I appreciate the enthusiasm, but no.

PASSIVE MOBS

- Horse/Cow/Donkey/Other hooved mobs: POSSIBLY. While I do think a horse could potentially build up enough force to break a coconut by trampling it, as someone who knows horses IRL, I am also relatively confident that they would also break their leg while doing it, because horse leg bones are made out of paper and glass. Cows and other hooved mobs MIGHT be able to crack it but I doubt they'd be able to build enough force.

- Baby Piglin: POSSIBLY. Babies do not use tools, but gold tools would probably be too soft to break open a coconut anyways. That said, those tusks are pretty strong, and while I'm not sure if a baby could use them to open a coconut, I'm going to say that baby piglins cannot.

- Turtle: A snapping turtle IRL definitely COULD break a coconut. Unfortunately the turtles in Minecraft are sea turtles, which do not have jaws as powerful as the snapping turtle.

NEUTRAL MOBS

- Bee: What's it gonna do, sting it open?

- Cave Spider/Spider: Technically neutral during the daytime. Sadly not able to open a coconut as a spider's mandibles, while effective at eating small insects, are completely useless for cracking open something armored like a coconut.

- Dolphin: This is in the neutral mobs section on the wiki for some reason. Sadly, no. Their jaws can eat fish but that's about it.

- Enderman: This one is interesting. An Enderman hits relatively hard, considering its weak-looking arms, and they are able to carry whole blocks, unique among mobs, but they can only carry relatively light blocks, so that doesn't help them. Their teleportation is obviously useless here. Ultimately, I will say that YES, an Enderman can in fact break a coconut, but with one caveat- they have to be angry. The open jaw of an Enderman is like a nutcracker, and if that closes on a coconut, I am near-positive it would break.

- Goat: A goat's charge could definitely carry enough force to break open a coconut. HOWEVER, it would have to be against a wall, otherwise it would just be launched. So, I'll put goats down as 'POSSIBLY'.

- Iron Golem: An iron golem does damage primarily through gravity, by launching its targets into the air and dropping them. Unfortunately, coconuts are designed to survive long falls from atop coconut trees. Iron golems would not be able to open a coconut.

- Llama: While llama spit does a surprisingly high amount of damage, it is not enough to break a coconut.

- Piglin/Piglin Brute: A piglin would be able to open a coconut. Their gold tools are basically useless in this scenario, but their tusks are not.

- Panda: Pandas can only eat bamboo. They are too weak to eat anything else. So no.

- Polar Bear: Look me in the eyes and tell me a polar bear wouldn't be able to open a coconut. It's heavy, it has claws. One of the few mobs I have to say would ALWAYS be able to open a coconut.

- Wolf: Sadly, wolves are too small to be able to open a coconut. The same goes for all cats.

HOSTILE MOBS

Remember, the goal is to OPEN the coconut, not to destroy it in any other way.

- Blaze: If the coconut is ashes, it is no longer a coconut. It is also not open.

- Zombie/Husk/Drowned: Zombies have such weak hits that it takes a full crowd of them to kill an unarmored player. There is no way those arms would be able to hurt a coconut. This includes zombie villagers.

- Creeper: POSSIBLY. While the creeper's explosion MIGHT open the coconut, it also has equal odds to launch the coconut away or to vaporize it.

- Elder/normal Guardian: It does not have any method of physical attack, and the eye beam and psychic powers, while cool, will not help it open a coconut.

- Endermite: No.

- Evoker: While these do fall under the honorable mentions category from earlier, I felt it was worth mentioning that the metal jaws they summon from the ground are DEFINITELY enough to break a coconut, even without using tools.

- Ghast: Same issue as the creeper, but even less consistent due to their ranged method of attack.

- Hoglin: Hoglins do a COMICALLY large amount of damage. They also have enormous tusks. They would definitely be able to open a coconut, though babies might have a hard time with it.

- Magma Cube: Ashes are not a coconut.

- Phantom: Now, normally I would say that they could break a coconut, as they could pick up the coconut, fly up very high, and drop it from above. Unfortunately, phantoms do not have arms.

- Ravager: Yes. Have you SEEN those jaws?

- Shulker: It would take multiple shulkers to open a coconut, as they'd need to hit it continuously to re-apply levitation, until it was high enough for it to break when it falls. That said, it's possible for a single shulker to break a coconut, just not as consistent.

- Silverfish: A silverfish can bury through stone. They would be fine burying through a coconut. That said, I'm not certain if that counts as breaking it open, so I'll put them down as POSSIBLY, though of course it's open to interpretation.

- Skeleton: An arrow cannot break through a coconut when fired from a bow that small. A crossbow, maybe. But not the default Minecraft bow.

- Slime: Slimes are too bouncy. All the force would just launch the coconut away.

- Vex: A vex alone is too small to open a coconut.

- Witch: A potion of harming cannot break a coconut as it has no physical force.

- Wither Skeleton: Maybe. A stone sword could break open a coconut, but a skeleton can't hit with much force, and most of their damage comes from the wither status effect. Now, if that applied to a plant, it would probably rot the coconut. This is destruction, but it does not break the coconut open.

- Zoglin: Hoglins but even more forceful and evil. They would break a coconut.

BOSSES:

- Ender Dragon: The coconut would fall into the void from the knockback and disappear. Not open, technically. Dragon breath is not physical damage and as such would be useless.

- Wither: The coconut no longer exists.

UPCOMING:

- Warden: Those jaws on its chest are impressive, and the strength of its attacks are pretty strong, too (at least in its current, unfinished state). It would almost certainly be able to break open a coconut, but due to its blindness, would probably have a hard time finding it to begin with.

UNUSED/REMOVED:

- Giant: A giant cannot attack and as such would not be able to open a coconut, except maybe by accidentally stepping on it.

- Zombie horse: Same as horses, but more persistent. Also would break its leg.

- Killer Bunny: While those teeth are great at chewing through flesh, canon (Monty Python) shows it cannot chew through heavier armor or a human skeleton, and as such it would be useless against a coconut.

- Illusioner: Coconuts cannot see illusions because they cannot see.

- Pigman: Pigmen were never actually implemented. Only their textures were in the game, and as such they would not be able to break a coconut due to not having a physical form. The same applies to red dragons.

- Human: A 'human' would only do the amount of damage a player's fist would deal, so no dice there. Opening a coconut with your bare hands without using some kind of tool is impossible.

- Rana (& other humanoids): Rana and other removed early humanoid mobs could not open a coconut, as despite their less-blocky artstyle, they were incapable of holding any object.

...and that should be every mob that has ever been in the game.

[shurisneakers]

harmless (viii)

Summary: Bucky volunteers to go stop a small time villain, but nothing can prepare him for what exactly he has to deal with. (Bucky x villain!reader, drabble series)

Warnings: cursing, protesting, frustrated bucky, dramatic reader, gamer (derogatory), smidge of angst

Word count: 3.5k

A/N: listen idk what goes on at construction site and im too sexy to research so we’re going with my version of the world. hello. how are we all doing?

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous Part || Series Masterlist

He doesn’t expect to see you on TV. 

In jail maybe, for something scandalous and completely unnecessary, but not TV.

But there you are, a sign board waving around furiously in your hand, voice in protest against the demolition of the community centre. You’re flipping the board back and forth to alternate between the messages you’ve scrawled on the cardboard.

You were among a few protesting, but clearly the loudest. 

He thinks that maybe he has the weekend off if you’re too busy fighting big corporations. He’d send his support even.

Until he zeroes in on the sign when it flips over, finally reading what it says.

You better get your ass here, sarge

And so he does.

Half the crowd had dipped by the time he arrived. You were there, still the loudest, but he couldn’t help but notice the lack of people as compared to an hour or two ago on TV. He supposed that justice could wait as long as it took to get lunch from the nearest café.

“I can’t stop you from protesting, y’know.” He’s a little wary of approaching your raging self. 

“Oh, hey Barnes. You got my message.” You break away for a second to scream a bunch of obscenities at the gigantic glass building before turning to him. “You wouldn’t be able to.”

“What’s your dumb plan then?” 

“First of all, it’s not dumb. It’s stupid. Put some respect on my technological genius.” You held up a finger. “Second of all, it’s not here.”

“Where is it?” 

“At the construction site.” You point down the road. “Come on.”

Right along the way you stop to chant another slogan. He waves his arm around meekly in support. He did, after all, have to stand up for what was right, but if his publicist saw him here she’d have an aneurysm. 

The construction site isn’t very far off. It’s adjacent to the community centre, which he assumes they’re going to tear down to make more space for whatever shitty commercial building was going to take its place.

There are already a few excavators and dozers there but no one to man them since it was lunch time. What garners his attention is the small silver plate that’s on the floor a few feet ahead in the direction you’re walking towards.

“Here.” You stop once it nears. “The plan.”

“Am I supposed to know what this is?” He lightly kicked at it, earning a smack on the arm from you.

“Stop that,” you scolded, “and look at it. It’s not hard to figure out.”

He narrows his eyes. There’s a small u-shaped piece of metal in the middle of the plate. “That’s a magnet.”

“Exactly.” You clapped your hands together in excitement. “The world’s strongest electromagnet.”

He looks around. The only possibly magnetic things are the cranes and excavators around him.

“You’re going to... stop the machines from moving ahead?” he hesitates in his deduction. 

“Yep. Can’t tear anything down if they can’t get to it first.” 

Bucky looks down.

“Does this thing even work?” He toes at it again. “It’s kinda small.”

“It works beautifully, stop kicking at it, you demon-”

“What happens if I step on it, huh?” He knows this would get on your nerves wonderfully. He raises his leg. “Do I get to go home for the day?”

“You’re such a little shit,” you whine, reaching for your back pocket. “Stop bullying my invention.”

“’m gonna squish it like a bug.” He’s only half kidding about that part. “I’m gonna-”

Before he can finish his sentence something yanks him down hard. His head nearly hits the ground before his right arm shoots out to break his fall.

"Woah there, don't go falling for me as yet.” 

“What the fu-” he begins, eyes locking on his metal arm that was pressed flat against the earth.

“I told you it works,” you say smugly. “Try crushing it now, Barnes. If you can even get off the floor.”

He tugs his hand but it’s firmly attached to the thing. No matter how or where he’s applying the effort, his limb refuses to move. He’s stuck.

“Turn it off,” he sighs. “You made your point.”

“No. Stay there.”

“Y/N, shut up and turn this off,” he groans, trying to find a better position rather than chin down on the ground.

“Lay there and rot. You deserve it for underestimating me.” You huff.

“I wasn’t underestimating you, Jesus Christ.” He really was planning to just step on it, but he had complete faith that it worked. 

When he doesn’t receive a reply, his gaze follows yours. Suddenly the crane looks a lot closer than it initially did. Awesome. 

“Those are moving towards me.” He picks up on the low groan and creak of metal.

“Yeah, they are.” You nod, one hand on your hip, watching them.

He didn’t think that getting crushed under construction equipment would be how his day went. 

“Not my problem,” you decide finally after a bout of silence. 

Now that simply wouldn’t do. 

Death was definitely a problem, but what was more important was that he was going to get a dust allergy from the mud. He could already feel the blocked nose and temperature incoming.

“Are you really going to waste this on me? Don’t you have a demolition to stop?” He manages to twist his body so that he’s lying on his back.

“Good point,” you squint into the distance at the whirring of the heavy machinery. Their owners wouldn’t be happy to find them missing from their original spot. “But I still can’t help you out.”

“You’re willing to sacrifice your-”

“I can’t help you out because I don’t have an off switch. Yet,” you add the last part in a hurry.

“Then when the fuck were you planning to build one?” He sits up, leaning on his elbow. The cranes weren’t a mini object on the horizon now; the closer they got, the faster they were starting to move towards him. 

“I don’t know, after they agreed not to take down the building?”

He could just detach his arm and come back for it later he but had no guarantee that you would stop here for the day or that the vibranium could withstand all that pressure. 

“You better make a switch right now and get me out of this, I don’t care how.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you grumbled, bending to assess how badly he was stuck. “You know, this thing runs really deep into the earth. It’d take forever to dig back up and then get you back to my lab and then build a switch.”

“How long?” He didn’t have a lot of time, clearly, but even generally he didn’t have the whole day to waste. He had a mission the next day. He had to put the fear of death into some Russians and bring some pirozhki back for Nat. 

“I don’t know,” you furrowed your eyebrows. “Too long for my schedule anyway, I have class prep to do.”

“Motherfucke- that thing’s like twenty feet away.” He’s worried about how you don’t look fazed at all when he points at the stupid machine.

He’s about to volunteer to detach his arm when he realises it’s definitely less than twenty feet now. He had a backup just in case. It didn’t move as smoothly, but who could tell the difference when a couple of tons of pressure was aiming for your face, and hell, if he explained his circumstances of the destruction of his arm to T’Challa-

“Okay, fine.” You reach into your backpack to grab something that looked like a wrist watch. It matched the one already around your hand. 

You reach over and clasp it around his hand before turning a dial on the side.

“You ready?” you ask, ignoring the large crane that was starting to charge towards you. 

“For what?” he replies, looking down at it. He can barely hear you over the sound of the whining of machinery.  

“Teleportation, baby.” You send him a big grin before slamming down on his watch.

“Huh-” His voice cuts off immediately. 

If there’s anything that can be said about teleportation, it’s that he feels like every atom in his entire body violently splits to float around briefly before suddenly rejoining again.  

The ground beneath him feels different, and it takes him a second to realise that he was on the floor of your lair. 

“What the fu-”

“Hello,” your voice comes from above him. 

“You can teleport.” It’s not difficult for him to look at you now without the sun in his face. His arm is still stuck to the magnet but since the giant rod it was attached to was no longer deep in the ground, he could lift the entire apparatus up relatively easily.

“What, like it’s hard?” You discarded your bag on the floor. “You good? Takes a while to get used to.”

He gives you a grunt in acknowledgement, shaking his arm to see if he had any luck. It didn’t budge.

“Come on, take a seat.” You gesture to a lab chair you’ve pulled up for him on the raised platform at the front of the room. He realises that this is the first time he’s properly seen what’s actually inside your lair.

There are various buttons that do God knows what, drawers and cabinets painted black, several computer screens and gigantic pillars of glass on either side of the set up that encapsulate some green bubbling liquid. There’s a giant television set up against the wall, divided into several screens.

“Whaddya think?” You do a small swoop of your arm to show off the place.

“Gamer,” he says simply, testing his luck.

“What did you just say to me?” you recoil instantly, disgust on your face.

“It’s a gamer set up.” He points a finger at the TV screen. He was told by Shuri to use it as an insult, but he wasn’t exactly sure why. It just felt appropriate. 

“Take that back right now.” You raise a finger accusatorially at him.

“No.” He was sticking with it even though he had no idea what exactly the context was.

“Fuck your arm,” you announce, throwing your hands up in surrender.

“Fuck your demolition then,” he replies simply, getting up from his place on the chair to leave with the thing still attached to him. 

He takes one step ahead before your voice rings out.

“Sit down, drama queen,” your voice calls from behind him. “God, you’re annoying.”

“You’re infuriating.”

“I’m the best part of your week,” you fire back, ”and also your only way out of this. Now sit down.”

He didn’t even need the second warning, he was already on the chair the first time around.

“I’m not going to build a switch to turn this off. It’d take too long,” you examine the piece of equipment with more gentleness than he was expecting, “I’m going to remove it instead. It’s gonna take a while, so you better get comfortable.”

“I’m not.”

“That’s so sad,” you say without any indication of wanting to help. 

He rolls his eyes.

You pull up next to him, welding glasses covering your face and the tool in your hand. 

He turns away when you start, making sure his face is not directly within its trajectory. 

He makes himself busy by looking around some more. There are details you’ve put into the place, materials that are non-flammable made up most of the architecture. It’s dramatic, sure, but somehow the designs and colours seemed to go together. It did look sinister, he’d give you props for that.

The space was quite big. It occurs to him only then that that’s how you manage to sneak up on him so often in the past. Everything clicked. Fucking teleportation.

“So,” your voice was raised to speak over the noise. “How’s it going?”

He decidedly doesn’t answer. His position is more than enough.

“Right.” You clear your throat. 

He takes to counting the tiles on the floor, figuring out how many were there from the raised platform to the wall of the entrance. 

“Not how you imagined your day to go, huh?” you continued despite his lack of response. “But some might say it’s a privilege to be spending the day with a cool, mad scie-”

“Are you going to keep talking?” he interrupts, losing his count on the floor.

“Yeah, duh,” you say like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You got anything better to do?”

He didn’t. 

“What’s it like living with a bunch of superheroes?” You change course. He’s not sure if he’s really allowed to disclose top secret information. “I assume there’s a lot of protein shakes, talcum powder for the chafing-”

Then again, how much damage could you do by knowing that Steve preferred pancakes over waffles?

“It’s quiet,” he says. “Most of the time.”

“Save all your smart talking for the battlefield, huh?” 

He doesn’t reply. It’s quiet around the Tower. A lot of their energy goes towards missions and recuperating once they’re back. 

“You go on missions a lot?” 

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Boo, you whore,” you say with mock disappointment.

He got that reference.

“What’s your favourite food then?”

He scrunches his eyebrows.

“What?” The welding stops for a second while you look at him. “Don’t tell me that’s classified too.”

It’s not, he’s just never thought about it. 

“I don’t know,” he murmurs, “Pasta?”

“Vague, but I’ll take it.”

He used to boil a lot of pasta, from what he could remember of his days in hiding. Cheap and bought in bulk before he saved up enough to buy things like fruits. A lot of the times the amount of sauce he had access to was enough for maybe seasoning, not a whole component on its own. 

It’s one of the perks of being a free man in the 21st century he thinks, a steaming bowl of fettuccini drenched in sauce and garlic bread on the side. 

“What do you do in your downtime?”

“Nothing.” Well, he considers it to be a pass time and doing nothing is a full time gig. It takes effort to do nothing. He even has days dedicated to doing nothing, as suggested to him by his therapist.

“Really?” You sound a little surprised, although it’s hard to make out when you’re already speaking a lot louder than usual. “No shining your penny collection? No software update for this thing?” You tap at his arm. 

There really isn’t anything. Truth be told, he thinks he’s the most boring guy in the Tower. He sticks to himself, has a few succulents that he adores and occasionally watches trashy television. So then why are you so interested in him?

“You’re obsessed with me,” he says pointedly. “Why?”

You give a short laugh. “I think it’s the blue eyes, sarge, they’re really popping today. Gotta say, I’m loving this colour on you. Is it different from the black you wore last week? And from the one from the week before that?”

He looks down at his dark t-shirt and utility pants. He had other clothes but those were reserved for things that were not this.

“Or maybe it’s the grumpiness, I don’t know. I love it when someone shows absolutely no interest in me. Very sexy of you.” Oh jeez, you were going to continue. “Hell, maybe it’s the thighs-”

“Okay,” he interjects, feeling the need to count the tiles more than ever. He equates the heat in his neck from the welding going on beside him. 

The loudness of your laughter is clearer than the sound of metal on metal when you tug a large piece of the invention off. Things were moving fast. He could get back home to his Star Trek marathon and forget this day ever happened.

“You know, you’re more interesting than you think,” you pipe up casually. 

He doesn’t expect this and therefore he supposes he can’t stop the curiosity from enveloping his face. He hasn’t told you anything about himself, so then the inference you reached came out of nowhere.

Apparently, you take notice of the confusion on his face, even though he can’t see through the giant welding mask, because you let out a chuckle. 

“Oh, come on, really? You have no idea?” you ask lightly, pausing to see if he offers anything other than silence. “You’ve come back almost every week even though you know it’s a waste of your time, you always keep your promises and I know for a fact that if you wanted to stop me once and for all, you could have. But you’re not.”

He doesn’t realise you’ve stopped welding until you start again. Good, it gives him an excuse not to have to look at you after that. 

Frankly, he’s a little stunned.

You’re not looking at him, he can tell from his peripheral vision. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you have a small crush on me.”

At that, he’s forced to roll his eyes out of instinct. Thankfully you do know better.

A few screws out later, another piece comes out. You inform him that’s it’s going to get trickier from there since the circuit was a little more intricate, a lot more time than the original few pieces. He can see his Star Trek marathon fade away in the distance.

You ask him a few more questions. Some he answers with silence, others maybe a tidbit here and there. 

“How’s dating now compared to the forties?”

“Strange.” He purses his lips in thought. “One guy asked for a gym date. Didn’t know that was a thing.”

“How’d that turn out?” you laugh.

“He didn’t ask for a second one.” His Bumble matches with girls somehow had gone down since he cut his hair, but he’s not too bothered. Not like there was a huge shortage. 

He likes cats, thinks the worst merchandise that they make is the stupid baseball card with his face on it, and doesn’t have social media for the sake of his sanity. He’s seen the thirst tweets. 

Clearly, he’s revealed his deepest, darkest secrets. Utterly classified material. But he doesn’t know anything about you other than your name, number, address, where you teach, what your hobby is-

“You, uh-” he hesitates, “You got a favourite food?”

Your hands hold still to hover above what they’re working on. You fight back a smile. “Sure do.”

He asks a few more questions. Shuts up when he feels his social battery drain. That’s enough for the next month, he thinks.

The sun’s dipped down beyond the horizon by the time majority of the work is completed. Both of you have taken a few breaks to fight the feeling of stiffness that was creeping into your joints. 

You scoff and tell him you’re not planning to poison him when he denies the offer of a soda. He doesn’t deter in his decision.

“How much to go?” He has a mission tomorrow that he’d really like to get some sleep in before. Waking up at 3am to get ready was the worst part of the job. 

“Basically done.” You roll your chair back, rotating your shoulder and stretching your fingers. “There’s just this little part that I can’t access from this angle. How good are you at hanging upside down like a bat?”

Fuck it, he sighs to himself, it was almost finished anyway.

Bucky stands up, tilting his neck to the side slightly before pulling at a small latch under his arm, one so tiny that you’d never make out was even there unless you knew it existed. The arm releases from his shoulder with a small click.

He offers it to you, a piece of your magnet still attached to it.

Your eyes are slightly wide. He raises his eyebrows.

You don’t say anything, just accept it and flip it to a position you were comfortable with. It takes only a minute or two for the sound of the last piece hitting the floor to reverberate through the hall.

You give a small cheer. He lets out a tiny exhale in equal parts fatigue and relief.

“So,” you drawl, handing his arm back to him, “you could have just done that the whole time.”

He doesn’t reply, just slides it back onto his shoulder. 

“You had the option of leaving your arm here and coming back later to get it.” 

He gives it a few shakes, opens and clenches his fist shut a few times to make sure everything is working.

“You wanted to talk to me.”

He gives you a deadpan look. “I was distracting you.”

“Bullshit,” you laugh.

“Believe what you must.” He shrugs, turning around. “My job here is done regardless.”

“Oh, I believe alright,” you call out from behind him as he walks towards the entrance of your lair. “I believe you’re a sneaky bastard, Bucky Barnes.”

He doesn’t stop himself from smiling at the overdramatic gasp you give when he flips you a middle finger. From the metal arm, too. 

Next part

[afro-elf]

fine, i’ll elaborate on my thoughts about tylor sift but they will be disorganized

disclaimer: i know a few people will read this and be like “op is a hozier fan can she really talk about the cultural obsession with mediocre white art?” and the answer is yes because a) i’m black and i have an english degree so can do whatever i fucking want, b) hozier is a better artist than taylor objectively, like his mediocre tracks would be considered her great ones, and c) the comparison of taylor to hozier is part of the problem Genuinely because i don’t even think white people like half the music they listen to, they just don’t wanna be left behind, we’ll get into this later. i’m sorry to everyone who is tired of hearing about him but hozier will be returning later in this post jsfglsjlgldsjlfd

second note: read this

i don’t just dislike taylor because she’s white. i don’t dislike taylor because she’s a woman. i don’t dislike her because she writes mean and petty lyrics about past relationships and people who wronged her. i don’t dislike taylor because her public circle of friends is almost exclusively blonde white celebrities with their own laundry lists of issues that includes ryan reynolds and blake lively who are poster children for white privilege and pseudo-excellence if i’ve ever seen them. i dislike taylor because the amalgamation of all of those things is so exemplary of a huge problem i have with the music industry in general but also like american society

fuck it, numbered list!

1. taylor swift consistently releases the same mediocre album but in different colors. every album is the same lyrically and tonally. her body of work rarely goes very far above “good for taylor swift”. folklore as both title and musical aesthetic is irrelevant to the actual content of the album, which is just every taylor swift album except set to folk pop and with a bit more cussing, congrats for baby’s first swear. i’ve seen folklore compared to much better bodies of work and even propped up by stans as album of the year, a distinction that rina sawayama and chloe x halle will be battling it out for if there is any justice in the world at all. the fact that she is allowed to do this and still be considered great when this is something that even white male artists are butchered critically for... astounds me. like we all know how well received all of coldplay’s similar sounding albums are.... Come on. 

2. i don’t think taylor or her work is particularly feminist and yet for some reason every time she frowns an army of white women brings her kleenex. i’m not saying taylor’s anger has always been unjustified, but her feminism to me has always felt like “i can do whatever a man can do” feminism, which is utterly fucking useless to me as a black woman. it’s only useful to her because as a wealthy, white, straight, cis white woman her ONLY obstacle in life is her gender. and if she just didn’t have that tricky little bitch then maybe people would take her seriously. like, just think about her music video for the man... what was the thesis of that? what was the point of that? with all of her privileges she’d just be gaining a single extra privilege. she’s a blonde blue eyed thin white girl, the world kisses her feet. i have no interest in proving myself any better or any worse than white men, they are not the standard for how a person should be treated, they’re cautionary tales, and white women are too. i think taylor capitalizes off of white woman victimhood, and it’s all over her writing style. even when she’s trying to be empowered, like in mad woman for example, there is this tone to it of victimization, poking the bear, unleashing the beast if you will. she invokes the imagery of salem witches and even more boldly chooses a noose to write about in the song which is..... surely going to be a white tumblr staple for many gifsets to come but holy shit is it hollow. she also tends to come back to teenage memories in her music and she’s thirty. i don’t think about being seventeen unless i’m being held at gunpoint but she seems to think about it All The Time. and part of this is to keep herself young, at least in her music, which only further ingrains this image of fragile teeny bopper taylor into the mind of the listener, fueling her victim image. this imagery and language means nothing because the world always rallies around taylor. even when she was the butt of jokes for not being beyonce (which she is not and never can be) and writing about her exes (which she does), she was largely supported by the industry and by critics. look at how many fucking awards she has!

3. folk and indie and alternative music is in a moment of transition, where musicians of color are getting the chance to really speak about how they’ve been treated in these overwhelmingly white circles and create their own standards and their own voices. and for taylor swift to swoop in with aaron dessner and jack antonoff fantano and almost reassert that mid-2010s indie sound as The Sound of folk pop in the popular consciousness.... it makes me violent! it! makes! me! violent! 

4. back to hozier! finally, i wanna talk about white standom, fandom, bandom, and womandom. i often see these very superficial comparisons between hozier and taylor (and hozier and florence and hozier and stevie nicks and hozier and whatever other white woman in fashion) and they frustrate me for more than one reason. i know that hozier has met taylor and said she’s cool, which is nice of him and he’s a nice man, but i’m not a nice man so i’m going to just say it: none of the people who have made those posts have listened to more than four hozier songs and it shows. the reason why this matters is because these posts catch on and create an image and preconception of hozier’s music that is divorced from reality and divorced from his influences and most importantly divorced from the deliberate and reverent blackness of his musical style. hozier has his white male privilege in the industry for sure but he’s not as towering of a giant as taylor and taylor’s music is an unsalted chicken, plain oatmeal, white paint drying on a white wall, a stick of unflavored gum. her music is so white it told me that its dad is a cop. i am, as a black hozier fan, exhausted with having to share space with white women who don’t know why hozier’s music kicks me in my lungs sometimes and think that taylor mentioning a tree ONCE in her 3 minute acoustic guitar slog about whatever suburb is the same when it simply is not. i swear some of you are pretending to love taylor because your friends love her and you don’t wanna be left out of the hot new musical discourse but she’s only the hot new musical discourse CONSTANTLY because she’s a white woman, she’s almost the Perfect white woman. like if someone asked me to describe a white woman, it would be taylor swift. her position at the top of the musical pyramid among people who eclipse her musically, vocally, and lyrically is only allowed because she’s The Perfect White Woman. she’s an ideal. white girls relate to her immediately because of it and now we have this unshakable mob of unbearable white women who think that the world has wronged someone who literally wrote fanfiction about the rich oil heiress white woman who owned her rhode island mansion before her aklghlghdhlgs it drives me fucking NUTS 

anyway that’s all. if you made it this far, listen to adia victoria, kaia kater, samantha crain, valerie june, kelsey lu, corinne bailey rae, brittany howard, kimya dawson, japanese breakfast, cold specks, left at london, rhiannon giddens, aisha badru, shea diamond, nadine shah, xenia rubinos, karen o, mirel wagner.... Anyone

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

Dark Shenanigans - Nandor x (f)reader

Summary: It’s Nadja���s something hundredth birthday, with that said, you’re on a mission to make it great.

Warning: fluff, general vampire nonsense

Masterlist

“Yeah being a half vampire half human does have its perks. I mean for one I can do all that cool vampire shit and I can go out in the sunlight...so that helps for when they’re all being really annoying.” You admit with a casual shrug to one of the documentary cameras before turning to an isle of party supplies. “So anyways we’re at this store.”

The camera shifts to the multiple arras of supplies and materials at the local supermarket in Staten Island that you and your vampire lover’s human familiar, Guillermo, currently are. Specifically on the hunt for birthday decorations for Nadja and ghost Nadja who’s possessed a strange looking doll for the time being.

Since the other four actual full vampires can’t shop for themselves at this time of day or really in general, you and Guillermo have been given such an honorable task in making Nadja’s birthday the best one yet. Considering she’s the most well balanced in the head out of the four of them and is the only other lady of the manor.

“Hey Y/N, how’s this look?” Wonders Guillermo as he holds up a bunch of Mardi Gras beads of yellows, purples, and greens. “Comments, questions, concerns?” He adds with a small smile.

Eyeing up the beads, your head shifts over to the other various colors, “Hrmm, G I’m feeling the vibe you’re going for this year and I like it, but let’s go with Nadja colors.”

Guillermo’s dark eyes light up at your positive suggestion, “Right! So the red and black ones then?”

“Yup. She’ll love that shit.” You state with a satisfied nod of approval, “Let’s get some black and gold confetti from over there and oh, those masquerade masks look cool as fuck.”

You pick up and test out various masks in the background as Guillermo adds some bits of dialogue for the documentary crew, “Um yeah she’s really cool isn’t she.” He says with a smile while glancing at you then back to the camera, “Which is kind of odd since Y/N’s been with Nandor since 1793 so you’d think she’d be a little more like them but no, she’s super chill and really nice.” Suddenly his face goes a bit serious as he leans in to whisper, “But she did kill a whole street gang once when they threw a slur at me so I wouldn’t mess with her. For your safety.”

The camera pans back over to an oblivious you who’s put on a masquerade mask and is swinging a plastic light saber around with a whole lot more accuracy and grace then would a normal person. The camera then pans back to Gullimero, “Um, I’m just gonna....make sure she doesn’t smack anyone.”

——

Arms full of groceries of food for you and Gullimero, as well as random party decorations for Nadja’s birthday tomorrow night, you use the bottom of your boot to skillfully open the door as the documentary crew and Guillermo follows suit. Guillermo now on the verge of falling over with the large heart shaped pillow in his arms that’s covering most of his body.

You don’t feel tired in the slightest due to your half vampiric abilities so this is nothing to you, “Alright.” You state, turning on your heel to face the crew and Guillermo, “They’re asleep so we gotta be extra sneaky now, I don’t want Nadja catching us with all this cool spooky birthday shit. Everyone to the attic!” You whisper yell before leading the charge to the attic.

They all follow as quietly and as quickly as they can and then soon enough in no time are you and Guillermo back outside in the sunny garden trying to figure out if you should blow up the giant sea monster pool floaty.

“I mean it would look cool as hell and no doubt out-do whatever the fuck boring thing Lazlo probably has planned.” You quip with a shrug while the two of you stare thoughtfully at the small gloomy dark pond. “He’s got no chance with us. I’ve won best decorator and card maker for two hundred years in a row.”

Guillermo side eyes you in honest amazement, “Wow that’s a lot of years. And cards.”

“I know. I was an artist in the 12th century but my no good terrible good for nothing piece of garbage trash sexist human husband, who I was forced to marry when I was only sixteen, took all the credit for my artwork in that era.” You confirm with a growl, “But it stings less because once I finally grew into my powers and strength at eighteen I simply made his untimely demise look like an accident.” You add with a smirk.

“Oh, wow.” Mutters the intrigued familiar.

“Precisely. The old fool was thrown off his horse because I told Philip, the horse, to throw him off. And he did. Which killed the idiot so I got the house and all of his money.”

“That’s......neat.” Mutters Guillermo as he shoots the camera crew from behind you and him a nervous look. “Uh the suns going down so I should probably help Nandor out of his coffin.”

Raising your head to the sky you immediately see how the sun has begun to paint the clouds in beautiful colors of oranges, reds, light pinks, and darkening purples. “Oh, how bout that. Yeah alright let’s get inside.” You nod to Guillermo before turning to walk towards the manor’s giant mahogany doors.

——

Turning the handle and walking a couple feet into the large main room that holds itself as a sort of crossroads for all the other various connecting hallways and staircases. You don’t make it even three more steps towards the left ascending staircase before you hear the highly recognizable voice of your one and only.

“Y/N! My lovely wife and favorite person still ever so lovely!” Announces Nandor loudly with a grand smile showing off his pearly white fangs, “How I have missed you and your morning kisses. Where have you been off to?” He wonders softly as you smile a big dumb love-struck grin right back up at him, you’d absolutely die to hear that accent one last time.

“I can’t tell you right now it’s a secret!” You whisper yell back, causing his thick dark brows to scrunch up in confusion.

“But I am your lovely strong puff dragon Y/N.” Whines Nandor adorably as you roll your eyes at the cameras before looking back up at him.

“Fine. Come here then.”

In an instant he’s at your side, excitedly awaiting what secretive news you will tell him, “Okay, so we know it’s Nadja’s birthday tomorrow right?”

“Yes. I remember because she hasn’t shut up about it.”

“Right. So me and Gullimero got some fun surprise birthday party decorations and they’re in the attic and we can’t tell Nadja.”

Nandor gives you a knowing look of affirmation as he leans in closer to you, his demeanor suddenly shifting into a more saddened one, “You went shopping without me?” He says quietly.

Leaning up to give him a quick peck on the cheek your hands instantly find his, “Just for a little while, but I still need to find more stuff so....you wanna come?”

Nandor’s big dark eyes light up with joy as you hand him a kind smile, “Yes! Let us go in search of unknown treasures for our lady friend Nadja so she will not be mad at us for terrible dull gifts of friendship.”

Laughing you give his hands a playful squeeze, “Come on I’ll race you to Party City!” You say before leading him past the camera crew and Guillermo who simply watches the two of you leave, glad to have an hour of peace.

“There’s a whole city for partying? Y/N why have we never been to this place?”

——

“Y/N there are no people partying here.” Whines your vampire lover in puzzlement as he follows you from the entrance to a side isle. “You said this was a city for partying.”

“That’s just the name of the store Nans.” You retort with a small chuckle as he looks from right to left at all the color coded party plates and napkins galore.

“Well the title is very misleading.”

“Agreed.”

Turning to the right you guide him towards the decretory pirate themed isle in search of something that will peak his interest. Also you wanted so badly to make it to this spot but Gullimero was a man on a mission so your intention was thwarted for when you had Nandor with you.

Speed walking down the pirate themed isle you quickly halt all movement as Nandor’s large body stops within less than an inch from your back. Smiling brightly you snatch the desired object in front of you and as swift as a cat turn to face him.

“Have you come for a dual my old enemy?” You speak slyly, eyes narrowed as you hold the foam sword right in front of his face. “I sense a nervousness about you. Tell me, are you ready to face your inevitable bloody end?”

Staring at the pointy foam, his dark puppy eyes shift over to you as an adorable fangy grin breaks out across his pale face, “Seems you have come prepared, oh radiant and alluring seductress. Well, so have I!” Shouts Nandor before grabbing two foam swords from off the rack and swinging them in both hands like a mad man.

Taking a cautious step back you hold your pathetic five dollar sword in both hands like a true warrior ready for battle, “Only one shall leave this place alive.” You affirm with a smirk, “And it’s not going to be you.”

“Arrrrrggg.” Bellows your lover as he charges you like the true conqueror that he once was. But all to soon do you swiftly duck under his arms and swat him over his stomach with a confident thwack sound.

He makes a puny little “oww” as you turn around to face him once again, “Y/N you hit me kind of hard.” He complains, looking rather defeated and genuinely hurt that you could have intentionally injured him on purpose.

Bringing the plastic weapon down to your side once again, your face suddenly softens as you walk over to him, “Come here you big baby.” You quip sincerely as he leans down so you can give his cheek a quick kiss.

Rising back to his full height, Nandor almost blushes as the corners of his eyes crinkle into a happy smile, “Actually it didn’t hurt at all I just wanted you to kiss me.” Reveals the vampire with a proud grin as you simply roll your eyes.

“Should have known.” You add before turning and snatching up four more plastic foam pirate swords for the others. “Alright let’s get outta here, follow me my love, to the checkout line we shall purchase our weapons of war and partying on the high seas.” You announce with gusto as Nandor stands proudly at your side, ready to follow you anywhere.

“Yes. To check out.”

——

Kicking open the unlocked door, Nandor bursts into the vampire residence with bags full of goodies for Nadja’s birthday party. You right behind him but less dramatically, “We’re back!” You shout to no one in particular as Colin Robinson suddenly appears from out of nowhere, looking ready to leave with his funny little hat and usual beige jacket.

“Oh hey guys,” He starts with a friendly nod, “I’m just heading out on the town tonight. I guess there’s a fair or something in the park and I wanted to test my skill at the ball toss. I’ve been reading up on the body mechanics and how the game is set up which seems pretty basic all in all. Also I really want to win a stuffed bear this time, it might add a little pizazz to my room. Welp see ya’round.” Adds Colin before walking past the two of you without another word and out into the night he goes with some of the camera crew following close behind.

Nandor turns to you with a look of annoyance, “Jeesh I thought he would never leave. Let’s go to your room I want to kiss you some more now.”

“Why my room?”

“Because since you are half vampire you get to sleep in a bed and because I am a full vampire I sleep in a coffin.” Inquires Nandor while looking at you with those big beautiful dark eyes of his, “And my coffin is too small for cuddles so your room will suffice.”

“Yeah that’s a fair point.” You shrug before following him to your room.

After many cuddles leading to other more rated R type activities that lasted until just about sunrise, you finally got some well needed rest while the sun shone high in the sky until she began her dramatic descend back into oblivion. Opening your eyes you slowly rise from out of your comfy bed, already missing the presence of your obsidian eyed lover.

He gets too nervous about your closed windows for fear that the sun might burn him which would be impossible because you black out the glass. But alas, he’s very cautious about these types of things and won’t risk it for anything, though he feels bad about leaving you in the morning, you understand.

Suddenly it dawns on you that today or perhaps tonight, is Nadja’s birthday and you completely forgot to set up any decorations. Shit, how stupid. Throwing the blankets off of you, your feet move quick as you speedily change yesterday’s outfit for something a bit nicer and more clean.

Racing out of your room and into the dimly lit manor hallway, you make a bee line for the attic but before you’re able to reach the steps, Guillermo runs into you, just about knocking you into a wall of various stolen ancient weapons. Sharp ones at that.

That was close.

“Y/N are you okay!” Worries the familiar as you quickly gather your bearings.

“Guillermo! The decorations! Nadja’s birthday!” You whisper yell as the human man simply smiles. “Why are you smiling, this situation does not call for smiles.”

“Don’t worry. While you were sleeping I set up all the decorations.” He replies with a shrug, “No problem.”

“What? But that must have taken you all day, you could have asked me for help. I would have come.” Your brows furrow as he shakes his head, though you still feel bad for not helping with anything.

“Well I did try, but um,” Gullimero awkwardly clears his throat, giving the camera a quick glance, “Nandor was with you and last time I asked for you while you and him where having alone time he threatened to carve out my eyeballs and force feed them to me.”

Pinching the bridge of your nose in annoyance you take a deep breath, “Sounds like him. Very creative when he wants to be, alright, well....where’s everyone?”

“Oh, they’re not up yet. I was actually on my way to get you. I made blood popsicles and the pool floaty is all done and in the pond.” He says with a sense of pride for his decorating skills. “I think she’ll like what we’ve come up with this year.”

-

Standing in the living room with your three fellow immortals you search a dresser for her card, “Oh shit where’s my card? I could have sworn I had it yesterday on my dresser but I don’t remember seeing it there in the morning. Maybe it’s in this one?”

“Witches!” Hisses Nadja as you huff in frustration, where the hell did you put that damn card?

“Oh, Y/N my love,” Intervenes Nandor with a gentle tug of your sleeve, “I took it with me when I left your room before sunrise because I wanted to put my name on it too so she would know it’s from us.”

“What?” Replies Lazlo dramatically, “Now hold on just a damn minute, this card competition is individually scored so I won’t be having any of this nonsense. I worked really hard on mine this year.”

“Oh lick a donkey’s arse, look here,” You retort with, quickly holding up the card for Nadja, “there are two separate drawings on ours so either way if one of us wins she gets both our pictures. So you better hope your drawing doesn’t resemble a night clubs bathroom wall.”

“Yeah.” Mutters Nandor, who’s hiding behind you while resting both hands on either one of your shoulders as you glare at Lazlo.

“Fine.” Agrees Lazlo begrudgingly, “And mine will be amazing, this bitch of paper took me a whole six months to plan and produce. Can’t get quality this good anywhere else I guarantee it.” Adds Lazlo with a firm nod of self approval as you glance at the nearby camera.

“Right, okay everyone sit it’s time for presents. I want to know what you all got me.” Beams Nadja excitedly as she smiles a fangy grin in delight, plopping herself down in one of the arm chairs. Lazlo quickly finding the other one while you and Nandor seat yourself on the large couch. Colin and Guillermo finding somewhere to sit close by respectfully.

“Well, all I can say is hold onto your socks my dear cause this is going to blow you away.” Smirks Lazlo as he pulls a small box from out of his jacket pocket.

“If it’s a self made business card that says invitation to sexy town I will puke.” You deadpan while Nandor laughs from beside you, causing Lazlo to lose his smirk as Nadja hides her amusement the best she can manage.

“He he, sexy town, nice one Y/N.” Mutters Nandor with a proud grin as you raise a brow at Lazlo who’s giving you a hard glare.

“Oh, my dear pumpkin pie love, don’t listen to Y/N I will love anything you gift me.” Encourages Nadja with a bright welcoming smile, no doubt immediately boosting Lazlo’s once irked mood.

Rolling your eyes you shift a bit to find yourself leaning into Nandor’s body as Nadja opens up the rest of the vampire residents various gifts. A joyous fangy smile gracing her pale features every single time, revealing this birthday party was a thrilling success.

After much more fun that just about lasts throughout the whole night, and some rare but hilarious attempts at dancing between the five of you vampiric individuals. You’re feeling rather sleepy and you can tell Nandor is ready for a trip to dreamland as well.

Swaying to the lowly playing record instrumental, you hold Nandor tight while simultaneously enjoying the feeling of him so close, him doing just the same as he keeps you firmly pressed against his chest. His long dark hair tickles your face as he presses his head to your cheek, doing his absolute best to keep the flow without tripping up.

Sensing his growing fatigue, you gently squeeze his hand, “My love the sun will be up soon, let’s get you to bed, yes?”

A small lazy smile tugs at the corners of his lips while he looks down to meet your gaze, “But my dark angel I’m not tired. I want to dance with you a little longer.” He whines adorably before failing to conceal a big yawn.

Giggling, you lean back to slowly lead him towards the door, “That yawn says otherwise.”

“That wasn’t a yawn Y/N, I was just smiling really big.” He protests, though he still follows your lead to the door.

“I’ve never seen anyone smile like that.” You add with a raised brow.

“Well maybe that’s just how I smile.”

Letting out a breathy snort, you pull away from him to at last take his one hand, “Come. I can’t have a single ray of that dreaded sun to get a taste of your precious skin. Not on my watch.”

Glancing at the closed front door, Nandor squeezes your hand, “Well um, now since you’ve mentioned the sun...I think I’d like to go to my crypt now.” He says, the flash of worry crossing over his face for only a brief moment.

“You sure? I mean a sunrise is pretty beautiful if I’m being honest and I know you never get to see them...”

“Not funny Y/N. And not fair, you know I can’t because I am full vampire.”

“And you’re missing out.”

“And I’d like to stay alive Y/N.”

“Aren’t you dead?”

“Yes and I am your only husband so I need to stay not burnt to a crisp.”

Chuckling, you follow him down the hallway, “Oh really? Don’t want me finding myself with another vampiric lover? Some new beast to sweep me off my feet and take me away into the night.” You tease.

Side eyeing you, he frowns, “No. Don’t I sweep you off your feet?”

Stepping into his crypt you stop him with your hand against his bicep, “Always.” You whisper sincerely with a quick wink, causing him to break out into a big fangy grin.

“Good. And if anyone would try and whoo you I would make sure there would be no more whooing again!” Exclaims Nandor, making the candles rise in flame for only a short second at his rise in emotion for how much he loves you.

“I don’t doubt they would fall by your blade. Not for a second.”

[rothjuje]

Today broke me. My spicy one screamed for 90 minutes straight this morning. At that point we still had not unpacked ONE box (Tuesday leg drama and urgent care, Wednesday leg drama and urgent care, Thursday leg drama and ER). My absence this week has been dysregulating for the kids, as well as strangers coming and going.

Everything has been just running around in circles. Hired someone to paint. He painted part of the ceiling by accident and now the whole ceiling needs to be painted. He also spilled paint in several places, but oddly not the carpet that’s going to be ripped out anyway. Sigh. On top of that I don’t even like the paint color and he did a crappy job in general so I’m just going to buy a new color and do it myself. In all my spare time. Ha. I’d never worry about paint at a time like this, but we need the living room painted to get the tv up and I need Cocomelon for my sanity.

We still don’t have lights upstairs (lamp ended up behind couch in playroom, could move couch but it’s broken and lamp will not survive twin toddlers).

Can’t unpack kitchen because there aren’t cabinet locks. Decide on baby gates instead of cabinet locks. Order them. They’re late. They get here. They don’t fit. We still don’t have pots or pans. I haven’t had a home cooked meal in 6 weeks (I’ve been surviving off of cereal and bagels) and it just makes me so sad. Baking bread was how I kept my sanity.

Basically, to unpack, you need to take things out of boxes and put them somewhere that two two year olds can’t reach. Which is simply not possible when they’re awake, because when they’re awake they’re glued to me.

So. Anyway. I regretted every decision I had ever made to get me to this point, had a good cry, and then a good scream. Then Jess the neighbor finally got to come back over (48 hours fever and vomit free) and that restored some of my sanity.

Then neither twin had a 6 pm disaster nap and they were actually in bed before 9 pm. HALLELUJAH. Yes, it’s been a thing here. I’ll look over and one of the twins will just be passed out on the floor or on the couch. Transitioning out of naps is such a frustrating time in general. Sigh.

Justin and I managed to unpack about 8 boxes each after the kids went down. You can now walk in our room, the dining room, and the playroom. There are 9 boxes left in our room, 11 in the dining room, 7 in the girls’ room, 3 in George’s room, and too many to count in the basement.

But. Progress. Actual forward motion. Thank Gd.

Okay. Leg. Sat in ER most of yesterday (I drove to one of the good hospitals and I still sat forever, and then they had 5 patients in these giant rooms with little dividers). Texas is so different. You wait for 30-60 minutes and then get your own spacious room. Honestly, Texas has a lot going for it. It’s very functional down there. I miss it, a lot.

Anyway. Rash is still spreading, but that’s normal up to 5 days into antibiotics they say (which I wish urgent care would have said, I would like my time and money back from yesterday please). So. They said the purple is fine, the blisters are fine, that if it’s necrotizing it will be immensely painful and if I feel immense pain come back.

Hoping that things will continue on the up and up. Dining room looks cute, our room more spacious than we thought, playroom very cute. In-laws come tomorrow and I am very very thankful for the extra hands. I miss seeing familiar faces and I’m excited for the normalcy of a visit.

[stellocchia]

Since I really enjoyed yesterday's stream I decided to do one of my overly long analysis on it

So, here's my analysis of (DSMP LORE) Healthy Competition

Dialogues will be color-coded as usual, so here's what I used: Phil, Wilbur, Ranboo

As always I am incapable of brevity, so everything's under the cut

The stream starts with a conversation between Phil and Wilbur in which Wilbur admits that he hasn't been to visit Phil in a while, which makes Phil's later threat about throwing him out feel that much more ridiculous since Wilbur clearly doesn't really live with him either way...

"Alright, it's got one for Phil, one for Ranboo, and one for Techno. Is that all that live here? Just you three?" "Yep, just us three, just chilling"

The only reason why I'm singling this out is that it was right after the mention of Techno's birthday and Wilbur was pointing at the seats occupied by the 4 members of the Syndicate so it feels slightly weird that Niki wasn't mentioned at all. But also it's technically not a lie, she doesn't live there and she only comes around for the Syndicate meetings.

Another thing to add is that Wilbur did notice the chest Ranboo left for him and consciously decided to ignore it.

"I must admit I've come to you with a bit of a- a bit of a proposition. You're into propositions Phil? Are you a bit of a 'propositions' kinda guy?" "Oh, depends, depends. You- you've had some pretty... let- let's just say, uh- not- not a great track record on propositions that you've had in the past" "Alright... I mean, I'm trying to move past that"

I wonder what exactly Phil is referring to here. Because, like, Wilbur did bad things, don't get me wrong, but what's his track record with "propositions" in particular? Because he isn't talking about "Tommy, let's be the bad guys" here since he doesn't know about that. Is he talking about Wilbur founding L'Manburg? But then again, I don't think Wilbur interpreted it that way. I think that, from Wilbur's reaction, he clearly interpreted it as a jab at him exploding L'Manburg (which is the one thing he's trying to move past) which would be extremely hypocritical from Phil since he did the exact same thing but worse.

Also, I really do think that Wilbur is trying to move forward. He's lonely and he has the lowest possible opinion of himself so it doesn't feel weird that he'd want to move on. He isn't putting the work in it right now and he hasn't really changed, but he does seem to want to (though I think he may not know how).

"He [Quackity] didn't seem afraid of me, which is cool. Not many people- I mean you don't seem afraid of me. You aren't afraid of me, are you Phil?" (little look into Wilbur's mind and his fear of isolation once again. And this is fear of isolation, he's worried that other people are afraid of him and therefore are only waiting for him to step out of line so that all their fears would be confirmed)

"'Cause I'm not afraid of you [Phil]" (bold words for someone who spent who knows how long lying to his dad because of a crippling fear of disappointment...)

"Technoblade spent his entire time taking down the establishments, what he left is, as predicted, a power vacuum for a new establishment to come in" (in case it wasn't obvious, Wilbur is not the biggest fan of anarchy. And he actually got this one criticism spot on, indeed all taking down L'Manburg did was getting 4 new governmental-like structures to sprout in its place)

"Phil, I want to make a burger van" *Phil sighs and walks away* (I'm more sure now that Phil really meant "creating L'Manburg" as Wilbur's bad track record with propositions)

Wilbur repeating 4 times that he has no ulterior motive with the burger van managed to make me think the exact opposite. That said that ulterior motive may just be to create a safe little home for himself and Tommy for all we know honestly. Also, the whole thing with Phil trying to convince his grown-ass kid to go play with the neighbor kid and Wilbur throwing a tantrum in response was hilarious...

"If he's [Ranboo] shit you gotta come help me okay? If he's shit you've gotta come be burger boy with me, okay?" (he still is mistrustful to an extreme and pretty childish admittedly)

"Why is he [Phil] treating me like a kid?! Why is he treating me like a little baby?" (remembering how Wilbur treated Fundy I think it may be a family problem)

Another interesting thing to point out is that Wilbur was openly scared of the spider attacking him here, and fights it off, but he doesn't move away from the explosion later on and he didn't move away from the exploding creepers last stream. Other people already made this connection, but I do think it may be a sort of way to punish himself. Specifically, it's brought up later on that he thinks he got off easy for what he did, so he's using what he hurt others with (explosions) to hurt himself now as a sort of punishment for that. Which is another indication of just how much his stay in Limbo didn't help with his mental health.

"Am I being- is this [Ranboo having both cows and wheat] a setup?" (the paranoia never left)

"Ranboo I'm gonna go out on a limb here: do- do you wanna be friends?" "Su-sure yeah, I don't see why not" (I think that at this point it was still just Wilbur following along with what his dad told him to do and trying to find out more about Ranboo. That does seem to change later down the line)

"And then we decided that it [the 'cookie' outpost] was too much trouble so we kinda just left it" (So we have confirmation that the cookie outpost was abandoned)

"We're not gonna annoy Quackity" "That's good" "We can't annoy- we can't annoy him because we're simply put- we're simply put gonna be making...- I got the real estate! He's giving me the area and we're gonna be making a competing business"

Wilbur says this as if he wasn't perfectly aware that this would annoy the sh*t out of Quackity. As if the point of it wasn't exactly to annoy Quackity. Or well, annoying him isn't the end goal, it's just the means to an end. We don't know the actual end goal (though I think Wilbur still wants to either be let into Las Nevadas or actually instate a rivalry between them as he said, one of the two).

"We [he and Quackity] were a part of the same cabinet during New L'Manburg or whatever" "Cabinet?" "Yeah a cabinet is like-" "Was this- was this with Tubbo?" "Yeah yeah" (...) "So you were part of the old L'Manburg? I didn't know that actually, I thought you were a bit of an independent"

Once again: Wilbur is missing A LOT of knowledge. He wasn't aware that New L'Manburg had a cabinet and he wasn't aware that Ranboo was ever part of the country either. He has a lot of misconceptions about what happened during the time he was dead so it really shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that his views on a lot of things are as warped as they are. Wilbur is getting to his conclusions with an incomplete and sometimes wrong set of data.

"Do you dislike anyone Ranboo?" "Not too much I don't think. I mean there are other people I don't, like, agree with what they've done of course, but I think that everyone is just a product of what they've gone through and everything so if you understand that then you understand the person!"

There is nothing inherently wrong with Ranboo's reasoning here. It's true that most people are a result of their environment and, once you understand what they've been through you can understand them better as a person. It's also fine that he personally doesn't want to hold grudges. But that way of thinking isn't applicable to those who have been hurt by others, sure they can reach an understanding, but an understanding of a person doesn't justify shit and doesn't change shit unless that person works towards repairing old broken relationships. It just all sounds like a nice way of thinking about things in theory, but in practice, it just takes away responsibility from those who have wronged others to fix things and moves it to those who have been wronged. (Ranboo isn't advocating for everyone to think that way though, but I know the fandom will).

Either way, they arrive in Las Nevadas and Wilbur talks about how their place doesn't benefit the consumer and puts down 3 signs.

"I've been trying to think of a name for it [his and Tommy's area], I'm thinking about 'Paradise'"

There are two possible reasons for the name that I can think of:

1) It's in reference to Las Nevadas itself and how Las Nevadas is based on Las Vegas, the famous city of sin

2) It could be a reference to Tommy insistently calling Las Nevadas Paradise in the last stream and Wilbur trying to convince him that their place is the true Paradise

Wilbur does decide to make the Burger Van right at the border which really feels like a very obvious provocation. The other thing is that he makes it clear that he wants the van to be red and white which could be a random choice, but really feels like a reference to Tommy (since they are famously his colors) or an imitation of their opposition. Or both considering how much Tommy liked the restaurant of the opposition and the fact that Wilbur is still trying to convince him to stay.

"I'm not very fond of blue" (at this point it's obvious that Wilbur has quite a bit of pent-up animosity against Ghostbur. I wonder if it is because it still feels like people liked the ghost more than him...)

"Like, the Cookie Shop, I don't even know if it was a cookie shop, to begin with, because it was a little... fortified if I'm entirely honest, I realize that now" "Really?" "Yeah did you not see- oh wait- that giant stone structure?" (Ranboo really did fail to realize that the cookie shop was actually a military outpost, huh?)

"See, I like Tubbo. He's strong-headed, he doesn't let people push him around, you know?" (this is both an interesting change in what he thinks of Tubbo if he actually thinks that and further confirmation that Wilbur isn't a fan of people he considers to be 'followers')

"Why do you claim that you're so 'peaceful' and 'neutral' and yet somehow appear in almost every conflict this server's had since I died?" (since I saw people claiming this is manipulation already, just know that it isn't. He's just confused because, admittedly, Ranboo is a confusing guy and Wilbur doesn't really know him at all)

"Ranboo, why did you come to help me?" (...) "And then also I just think, you know... you can, you know- I think- I think you're an alright person, you know? So I wanna- I did kinda wanna get off on a better foot with you then what happened-" "Why?" "Just because I don't really like having the thought that people don't really like me" "Nonononono not the bit about the right foot, the 'why don't you think I'm a bad person'" "Well I mean, I think that you did bad things, but like, I think that you also went through things that made you that way and then I also think that you've changed now (...) but I think that now you've- apparently you've been away long enough that I think that if anyone goes away for that long eventually they'll have a thought about their morality and everything and maybe become a better person because of it"

I know this quote was absurdly long, but it is one of the most interesting conversations of the whole stream and it is really important and it tells us quite a bit as well. For one thing Wilbur was left quite emotional from someone simply admitting that he's an "alright person" and that they think he's capable of changing and this does bring him to open up to Ranboo right after. What Ranboo says to be exact is that anyone would have changed after going through what Wilbur went through and that change could be positive and while I completely disagree with it, it's clearly something that Wilbur needed to hear.

Now as to why I disagree with the notion that 13 years of semi-complete isolation could change anyone for the better should be rather obvious. But if it isn't, well, that's torture to put it simply. Psychological torture. Just like abuse it's one of those things that only cause trauma and a worsening mental health state and we see this with Wilbur because he didn't change, he only became more self-deprecating. Hurting someone doesn't make them become a better person all of a sudden, that's really not how it works. Hurting someone makes them become more traumatized.

"I think I scare people" ( as I said, immediately opening up about his insecurities)

"I think that a lot of people share your idea, but they share your idea in trying to- trying to keep me from hurting them" (for a bit here Wilbur talks about how he feels like everyone else is just waiting for him to step a foot out of line, which does really show that he's still interpreting all his interactions with people through the lens of his paranoia and self-deprecation, because no one is really interacting with him with that objective in mind)

"Dream's had his comeuppance and I've not" (this seems to be the crux of Wilbur's insecurity. This idea that he got off scot-free for his crimes, the idea that the only difference between him and Dream is the punishment that's been bestowed upon them which, of course, is wrong, but he doesn't know this, because he doesn't actually know why Dream's in prison)

"I've been investing into the wrong areas Ranboo, I've been investing into the wrong people" (This is either a reference to Tommy, to Phil, to Quackity, or to all of them)

"We're kindred man, we get each other" (the reason why he thinks that is because he seems to think that Ranboo has a similar type of paranoia to what Wilbur experience himself and he's not entirely wrong. Ranboo is deathly afraid of conflict and of being disliked so much so that he never stands up for anything in fear of angering others)

Little definition of "neuroticism" for you all since Wilbur kept mentioning it: neuroticism, one of the Big 5 personality traits, is typically defined as a tendency toward anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and other negative feelings.

I'd say it's quite fitting for both characters...

"I feel like life dealt us the same cards and the difference is that you built your trust by showing people your cards whilst I- I keep them close to my chest and I feel like that may be the big difference" (I felt like this was interesting. Especially knowing how much Ranboo actually doesn't share and how much he actually also keeps close to his chest)

They talk about tubbo in general for a bit and about what's been going on the server in general. Ranboo also that he's part of both Snowchester and the arctic commune (mostly the latter though).

"This has been chill, this has been good, I'm excited to show Tommy. What's your opinion on Tommy?" "Oh, he's- he's great. Tommy's awesome" "I agree I agree" "Definitely gone through a lot but I think that it's made him a good person" "Well you seem to think that everyone going through something at least gives them some merit you said" "I mean, yeah. I mean if- if no one- the only really bad people are the ones who are just evil because- just because and they don't have any reason why"

Included the whole thing here because if I stopped at Ranboo saying that Tommy going through trauma is what made him a good person it would have sounded really bad. As things are I think that that was just poor wording on his part and that this mostly goes back to the mentality he expressed before about how people sometimes do bad things because of the environment they're in pushing them and this idea he seems to have that actual hardships (like 13 years in Limbo or whatever he knows about what Tommy has been through) can encourage people to be better which is... sort of naive honestly. Again, trauma isn't a catalyst for the betterment of a person, and any improvement Tommy has made came from his self-reflection, not what he's been through.

After they're done with the van Wilbur brings Ranboo to their competing establishment and asks him to smash the windows, which Ranboo does with no hesitation whatsoever. After that Wilbur proceeds to place down one single block of TNT in a corner and Ranboo starts being a little more hesitant.

"You trust me right?" (I feel like that was a trick question considering how their common paranoia is the thing that Wilbur praised in Ranboo before)

Wilbur hands Ranboo the flint and steel to detonate the piece of TNT which Ranboo does, albeit with some hesitation.

"You passed the test, good job man, you go back to the van (...) Ranboo- Ranboo... I'm proud of you man. You've taken a side, you've proven that you can choose a side"

Quite a few people have already pointed out how similar this scene was to the time Wilbur tested Tommy in season 1 to decide if he was fit to be his right-hand man. In both situations, Wilbur gave someone a chance to cause some destruction against someone on the opposite side. Tommy passed the test by refusing to do so and showing that he was willing to uphold his morals and what he believed in. Ranboo passed the test by doing the exact opposite, by showing that, as much as he talks about how he chooses people and not sides, he's not willing to prove that even when all he would need to do to do so is doing nothing.

And it's an interesting scene to analyze as a parallel to that, but it's also interesting to note that Wilbur knows about Ranboo and Tommy griefing George together. He knows that Tommy was the only one to face any consequences for it (not that exile was actually the consequence for the griefing, but this is from Wilbur's point of view). Now putting this in the context of Wilbur seeing himself in Ranboo and thinking that he himself got off scot-free explains this next part perfectly in my opinion.

It explains why he made sure to leave this sign:

To me at least. This is only a theory honestly, we don't have an actual full explanation. But I do think that Wilbur may feel like the both of them never got the comeuppance they deserved, which is why he did something that's sure to get a reaction from one of the most powerful people on the server. Though considering that he also left 2 diamonds as retribution + a chest with all the materials he picked up it could have also been Wilbur's idea of a bonding moment and he could actually really be proud of Ranboo.

[rpd-rookie]

The One Who Runs Away, The One Who Runs Back (Leon S. Kennedy x Reader)

Author’s note: This is a sequel to “A PAST WITH HER, A FUTURE WITH YOU” and the end of my three-parts fan fiction "I TRUSTED YOU WITH MY HEART" I decided to write after so many of you asked for it. Sorry it took so long but I was navigating from one fandom to another. (BTW, if there are any Devil May Cry fans up here, you can read my DMC fan fictions here) PS: Even if I said it before, I have no hate whatsoever towards Ada or Aeon.

Tagged: Angst, Fluff, Romance, Post-Break up, Sexual Content 

Part 1 / Part 2

***

Do you remember? We started this story by quoting some sitcom character that was clueless about love. Well, here’s a suggestion. Why not ending it by quoting someone who knew a little more on such matter.

William Shakespeare - you know that English dude expert on tragic ‘drink this poison, stab yourself’ kind of love - apparently once said ‘Love runs away from those chasing her, and those who run away, she throws herself on his neck’. I say ‘apparently’ cause, even though I have a master in English lit, this quote is from the internet, and also … who knows what the guy truly said?

But it’s the quote that’s important. Not the author. The quote it’s important because it sums up perfectly how this story is gonna end. However, before starting, let me tell you this quote is going to be the only Shakespeare-worthy sentence in this final chapter. You’ve been warned.

Love runs away from those chasing her.          Well, this part was definitely written for someone like Ada Wong. Owner of countless gold medals and possibly a world record at this point, that woman is basically the Usain Bolt of the ‘Running from Leon S. Kennedy’ competition. Unchallenged winner since the creation of this sultry version of cat and mouse game, it’s better not to think about the number of times she successfully ran away from her favourite agent.  But this year, this formidable titleholder in a gorgeous red dress will have to face her Nemesis in the championship. You. Though the comparison to the hideous bio-organic killing machine might not be very complimentary to you but you get the idea.  This year you enter the Kennedy Olympics. And this year you run like Sonic the Hedgehog and you win the damn competition (screw you Usain Bold!). And you do this with your head high and without an ounce of regret. Ignore all the texts and flowers Leon might send on your track Mario Kart style. His gifts are not as slippery as banana peels and they can easily be dodged, I promise. Well, most of the time, when you’re not lying on your bed in the middle of the night crying and sobbing while reading his messages or playing his voice in your voicemail again and again until you’re nothing more but a giant mess with puffy red eyes drowning in a puddle of your own tears.        Screw those messages too! And screw his broken yet terribly sexy voice as well!

Being a man of word, Leon kept his promise. And for months you kept on running peacefully, marathoning away from this past relationship that had destroyed you like no other before while tranquilly fixing your broken heart on the way. That run was a good cardio.

But sometimes, cardio is not enough, and even just the small sight of an overpriced whisky bottle or the smell of Leon’s perfume on some guy’s clothes is enough to reopen your wounds.           And when it happens, you always do the same thing, you break the damn bottle - and run cause damn! it’s expensive! -  or you tell the guy his perfume smells like cheap cologne and that he should definitely change it, which is an improvement on your past destructive behaviour, since there was a time shortly after the break up when you would have simply dragged the guy to your place to let him fuck you senseless while imagining he was Leon. All that just for the illusion to feel him again and for the sake to kick him out the next morning, screaming like a hysterical psycho.

So imagine, for a small second, the wave of intense feelings surging out of your healing heart when, in the middle of a cafe, you hear some dude sitting behind you ordering Leon’s favourite whisky while wearing the same bloody perfume. “It’s got to be relentless persecution at that point!” You sigh, already annoyed, closing your book more violently than intended. Hope you’re ready, stranger! Because you’re not in the mood to deal with this right now.            You turn around with a fake smile that reflects perfectly your irritation, ready to give him hell, your sharpest riposte already burning your tongue. After all, he deserves it and you can’t help it.         But when you meet familiar – and freaking gorgeous - baby blue eyes you freeze and stare, suddenly confused and lost and refusing to believe that in spite of the intense running, love just jumped at your neck after all and it was sitting there, taking the shape of Leon S(tupid) Kennedy.

You should have stood up and left, run for your life, run for your heart. And yet, you didn’t.    You stayed there staring at him looking at you, allowing all your memories, the good ones and the bad ones, all your buried feelings to come back from the dead, embracing them as if you had missed them, which, let’s be honest, you probably had.            You tried to scream to yourself “Come on, Y/N! Shake a leg!” but it seemed that what you brain understood was something like “Cum on him! Open your legs!” as a couple of blurry hours later, you were on Leon’s bed, legs wide open, screaming his name and begging him not to stop his amazing thrusts.

Six months, you ran for six months … Well, looks like the run ends here and now. After a minute-long deep stare, an afternoon of amazing sex and two hours long of something blurry in between.

“I missed you.” And there you were! The moment all couples that broke up have after one of them (in this case Leon with the infamous ‘I missed you line’) starts to believe they miraculously rekindled their love. The fatal post-coital cuddling session that you don’t know how to react to, as you think of all the possibilities before you.      Possibility Number 1) You tell Leon you missed him too and cuddle, enjoying that embrace you secretly yearned for months. But that includes forgetting what he has done or pretending that nothing happened.     Possibility Number 2) You push him away, get dressed, leave again and act as if this afternoon never happened. But if Leon doesn’t remind you of it, the ache between your legs will, that’s for sure!   Possibility Number 3) You jump him again until you sore even more and hope that you’ll be able to leave afterwards.         Frankly, all possibilities suck because, in all cases, it seems like you lose. Since,       with Possibility Number 1) you lose the run forever, with Possibility Number 2) you lose him again and with Possibility Number 3) well it’s result 1 or 2 + your body aching like crazy for days. I suck at math but no need to be Einstein to know the result of this calculation looks unpleasant.    So what do you choose?

You see a triangular dice rolling in your head, showing a never-ending succession of 1, 2 and 3 that doesn’t make any sense and that confuse you even more than you already are. 1, 2, 3, 2, 1, 3, 2 ! Oh for fuck’s sake!

You grimace, angry and pissed at Leon and probably even more at yourself, and finally leaves his bed and his strong warm arms, feeling the tears furiously forming in your eyes. “I can’t” You can’t look at him in the eyes. You don’t want to see his confusion, don’t want to see his pain as he witnesses all his hopes shatter to pieces.         “ What do you mean?” You can hear the sheets crease behind you, alerting you of Leon’s agitation, so you hurry and pick up all your clothes scattered in his room. You must leave, now. 2! 2 it is!  “This! All This! This afternoon never happened.” You tell him, putting on your clothes with sudden clumsy and trembling hands, not caring if your bra is correctly hooked or if you put your shirt on back to front. Your heart. You have to think of your poor heart first.          “Hey, hey, hey.” You feel Leon’s hand softly grabbing your arms and you let go of whatever you were holding right now. His voice is sweet and trying to be comforting. Don’t look at him Y/N! Don’t look at him! “Look at me.” You do. Damn it! And you see his gorgeous blue eyes staring at you, studying your flustered face and the tears slowly drowning your (colour) look. You missed those eyes. You missed them so.damn.much ! As much as you missed his hands cupping your face and his thumbs wiping up your tears. God! How many tears those thumbs have missed recently. “It’s alright.”

You want to believe him. You really do. But there is this voice screaming in your head and very clearly this time. A voice shouting, forcing you to remember that night, that awful nightmarish night, the one when you felt your heart break and your dreams turn to ashes. All that because of him and his obsession for her.

“No, it’s not alright, Leon.” You shake your head and miraculously manage to take a small step back. You never thought you could. But you had to. You can’t stay close to him. You can’t let him touch you, feel you. Not if you want to run away. And you have to run away. Like her! Like Ada. Ada! “I told you. For as long as you have feelings for Ada, I can’t … we can’t…”     “Please don’t talk about her.” He begs and rubs his hand over his face. Is he trying to chase her away from his mind? Is she still in here? Please, let her not be in here.    “But she’s the reason we’re in this situation now. She’s the reason why we’re in this mess.” You insist only for the sake to see his reaction when you mention Ada, to see if she’s still under his skin, somewhere. “Ada is not the reason. I am!” Leon corrects you, a finger directed at his heavy chest as he is putting the full blame on himself for the first time since that night. “I am the one who went after Ada when I shouldn’t have! I am the reason why we broke up! I am the reason why we are so miserable!”         “But I was fine!” You shouted back in an attempt to show him he was wrong refusing to listen to that part of you who knew he was completely right. You were miserable without him. “I was doing fine until you came back and fucked everything up! I was healing goddamnit!”             You felt new tears rolling along your red cheeks and quickly wipe them off with the back of your hand that felt so callous and rough in comparison to Leon’s gentle touch. “You can’t just jump back into my life like this and expect me to forget!”

Leon nods, agreeing with you in a certain way. But the truth is, he doesn’t want you to forget. He doesn’t expect you to erase his mistake. He just wants you to forgive him … No, he just wants you to come back to him. Period. And that’s got to be what you want to. It has to!   “So why did you have sex with me, huh?” He finally asks even though he already knows your answer. “Tell me!” You’re not the kind of person who has meaningless sex, not the kind of person who worships one’s body with divine kisses and devoted caresses if they mean nothing. “Why did you have sex with me?” And yet the answer he wishes to hear doesn’t come out. “For fuck’s sake Y/N! Answer me! Why?” He shouts making you shiver and cry even more.    “Because I LOVE YOU!” You finally scream. And it hurts. It hurts but it feels good too. Like a weight lifted off your chest. “Because I missed you too! Because those months without you have been terrible! Because I don’t know how to handle even just the thought of you or the sound of your voice in my voicemail. Because each time I see something that makes me think of you, I’m a mess and I do things that normal me would never do! You fucked me up, Leon! You fucked me up but I love you! And I hate to love you!” You grunt in pain and relief, enraged but happy that you finally let everything out. And Leon listens in silence, frozen by your powerful honest confession. But he doesn’t know how to react. He doesn’t know what to say. Part of him is overjoyed, ecstatic that you still love him but there is another part that just feels terrible, sorry for the pain your love for him caused you even in his absence.   “But you see—“ You continue “That’s the problem in our relationship, Leon! I love you in ways that are so intense, that go beyond sanity. And you love me by half.”    You see him crumple, his horrified face looking suddenly very pale as if he had just heard some dreadful news. Is that really how you feel? Is that how you see his love for you? Is that what he has made you believe?         “Goodbye Leon.”

With the full intention to leave Leon’s place for good and never come back, you grab you bag on your way out of the bedroom while carelessly shoving your underwear inside of it since you forgot to put them on in the midst of panic and precipitation. Get out of here, Y/N! Now! A reasonable voice encourages you. Listen to me!    But this not what Leon wants.

“I never loved you by half.” He declares and you abruptly stop, asking God if he’s some kind of sadist that loves seeing you in pain from the comfort of his divine sofa somewhere in heaven. “Never.” But it’s not God and his sadism that makes you turn around. It’s you, and your masochist love for that blue-eyed man before you.     “I don’t believe you” Your voice almost doesn’t leave your throat as you try not to sob.           “But it’s the truth.” He says with a calm soothing voice as he slowly approaches you. “I never imagined my future with Ada. I never wished to grow old with her or build a home with her.” You want to tell Leon to stop talking, to stay where he is but your body doesn’t seem to respond. And when you feel him grabbing your hands in his and the comforting warmth that goes with that simple touch, you know that leaving is now an almost impossible task. “Yes. I admit it. My feelings for her were real.” Even when his honesty hurts you, you don’t know how to leave anymore. “But they were nothing in comparison to what I feel for you.”     You try to let go, pulling your hands away from his loving grip but he holds you back. And you’re not strong enough. Or maybe, you just don’t want to be strong. Everything is so confusing. Everything is tearing you apart.     “But they’re still here, aren’t they?” You question, hoping his answer might give you a clue, might give you the strength to make the correct decision. Do you leave? Or do you stay? “And they’ll keep coming back each she goes back into your life. You can’t let go of her.”    “You’re maybe right.” His words hurt you more than you thought they would. They hurt like hell because you realise there are not the ones you wanted to hear. You wanted to hear him say that he would let go of Ada, for good, for you. You wanted to hear that because deep down … YOU WANTED TO FUCKING STAY! “But can you let go of your past?” He continues and you shake your head refusing to hear any other word coming out of Leon’s mouth.       “Don’t!” You beg, weary.           “No! Listen to me this time. Ada is my past, Y/N. She’s my past. And you … you’re my future. You’re my life, damn it!” He doesn’t cry but you don’t need his tears to sense how emotional and how honest he is. And suddenly, you just want to listen to him. “And I was a fool not to see it sooner. When you left me, I felt a void I had never felt in my entire life. I felt like a part of me was missing. And then, the bombing in Washington happened, and it was like I had nothing left. I needed you. I wanted you. You. Not Ada.”      “Leon” You whisper and he cups your face again, blue eyes staring deep into yours, allowing you to see everything in him, his strong love for you and all the weaknesses he hated to admit. “It was you in my mind. Only you. And it will always be you. Because I love you. Now. Today. And I will always love you.”

You cry even more, uncertain if those tears are tears of sorrow, tears of joy or a mix of both. God, how can your emotions be such a mess right now? How can you be wishing to shout at him with all the anger you’ve accumulated and, at the same time, willing to kiss him with all love you’ve got?

“If you got to believe something. Believe that. And if that’s not enough and you think you can be happy with someone else. Then go. I won’t hold you back.” You frown. He is fucking lying. You’re sure of it. “You can’t stop running after me and you know it.” He smiles and scoffs, sensing that hint of sudden defiance in your tone he enjoys a lot.  “True. I can’t sop running after you. But I’ll do my best not to catch you if that’s what you want. But you got to tell me. Is that what you truly want?” You don’t reply. Truth is, you’re not sure what to say not because you’re not sure that’s what you want but because you’re not sure you can trust him if you let him in again.                        “No.” You whisper. “No, that’s not what I want. I want you. All of you.” You can see Leon struggle to contain his growing joy as it starts to glimmer brighter and brighter in his irises. He doesn’t want to cry victory just yet. He is cautious and rightfully so. “But can I?”        “Want me?” He smiles. “ Have you completely?” You correct, searching for a promise in his eyes, one you hope, you wish he would not break this time.     “Trust me with your heart again and find out.”

This better not hurt this time…

[shockinglysubmissive]

One Day Down

WARNINGS: Stripping, Fingering (Reader receiving), Squirting

This is my piece for @missuga Love and Lockdown Collab

WC: 2K

“One day down, 13 more to go. Care to play a game to kill some time?” Your boyfriend asks, looking through your closest of board games. The pandemic had shut everything down, and Kuroo was unable to take the bus back to his apartment, so you two were trapped together for the next two weeks. He doesn’t wait for your response, finding a box and tugging it out of the stack carefully. “How about this one? It will kill at least two hours.” He holds out Monopoly, a smirk spread across his face.

“No way Tetsu! You get way too competitive! We still have nearly two weeks together. We can’t start hating each other already.” Despite your disagreeing words, you start to clear off the coffee table in front of you for the board. He sits down across from you, using a pillow to make the hardwood floor more comfortable.

“Oh. You are so mistaken. It won’t be a normal game of monopoly. Oh no no no Kitten, this will be so much more.” His eyes narrow, sliding a piece of paper over to you. You unfold it and scan over it quickly.

Shoes: $50

Socks or Tights: $50

Sweater or Jacket: $50

Shirt or Top: $100

Pants or Skirt: $100

Dress: $200

Bra: $300

Underwear: $500

“Are… are you serious? Strip monopoly?” You can’t help but giggle as he starts sorting cards. You don’t notice when he slips a stack of cards from his pocket, mixing them into the stack until they are mixed in fully. “If you wanted to see me naked you could have just asked to join me in the shower.” You add.

“ But this will be so much more fun. Seeing you all angry, your pretty tits pushed together with crossed arms because you realize you have to sell your panties and lose the game.” He sets the chance cards on their spot and sets the player pieces out on the board for you to pick.

Your fingers trace the ship, smirking as you pick it up and hand it to him. “Here you can be the ship because you’re going down.” You flash him an innocent smile as he picks up the dog.

“Fine, but you’ll be this one because I’m going to make you my bitch.” He says simply, eyes shining with joking excitement. You distribute the money, rolling your eyes as you start the game.

After a few turns, you had to sell your shirt for money to buy a property, and Kuroo sold his pants to pay for landing on your space. On your next turn, you land on a Chance space. You read it and blush bright red, having drawn one of the cards he had slipped in.

“Money is tight. Give another player a lapdance to steal an item of clothing from them.” Not giving him the chance to tease you for blushing, you move to his side of the table, straddling his lap and give him a half hearted dance. Tugging on the bottom of his shirt, you pull it over his head and put it on yourself. “Thank you for your shirt. Looks like I am fully dressed again.” You take your seat on the other side of the table again. He blinks at you slightly taken aback. “What? I never said that I would make this easy on you.“ You look at him innocently, Adjusting his shirt, which is too big for you.

A growl rumbles in his chest. He knows that you are winning, that doesn't stop him from being competitive. “The game's not over yet. I said I would make you my bitch, and I still intend to do that. I'm just letting you win for the moment because you look so cute when you smile.” Although he is smiling, there is a bit of anger in his words. You have known him for years, and Tetsu can be very competitive. He enjoys being the cunning one who wins. He hates when you are able to beat him without even trying to.

“ Mm.. Ok whatever makes you happy. I’ll let you believe that you will win.” You count your money, and organize the properties that you have collected so far. Unaware of the anger filling your boyfriend, his dick hardens seeing his shirt slide down your shoulder some.

The game continues for many more turns, clothes being sold, but chance cards giving clothes back. In the final few turns, Kuroo buys hotels for his blue properties, and you land on them. One having $50, and your panties left, you had to give up, letting your boyfriend win. Despite getting exactly what he wanted, he didn’t look happy. Your arms are crossed over your chest, a small pout settling on your face wanting him to look at you. Instead he just packs up the game.

“What’s wrong with you? You won! You get to see me naked and you’re still huffing and pouting like a child. What more do you want?” You demand, knowing that this game would end poorly. He glances up at you, his expression is unreadable. He stays silent, still refusing to acknowledge you, a slight scowl on his face. “Kuroo! I knew this game was a bad idea. I’m just going to bed. You can sleep on the couch if you want to keep acting like this.”

“You’ve been teasing me this whole game.” He says simply. You look shocked. Of all the reasons for him to be mad, it was because you teased him. Your boyfriend is known for being a giant tease, and he can’t handle receiving any.

“Hate to break it to you, but you were taunting me way more than I was with you. You get too competitive.” You mumble, grabbing your clothes to get dressed again. “I played the game that you wanted! You always tease me, so I thought I could do the same. Guess I was wrong. I will give you your space.” Houses and hotels are scattered as he drops them to grab your wrist, pulling you to make you sit on your knees so that you can see how his boxers have a large spot of precum soaking through. You swear that you can see him throbbing, even though the fabric.

His grip tightens as he begins to speak. “Biting your lip while thinking, letting your tits bounce when you get excited, slowly sliding off every piece of clothing. Oh and let's not forget the way that your fingertips would absent-mindedly drift to your exposed nipples. You would play it off like you were playing with your hair, but I saw the way your breathing changed.” He leans his face closer to yours, letting his warm breath fan against your ear. “We have 13 days let before we can leave this apartment, and I intend to fuck you so good you can’t walk right until then, understood?” He whispers in your ear. You swallow hard and nod, knowing that he will do just that.

Even when the sex between you both is slow and full of love and passion, he never fails to leave you so fucked out that you lose all ability to think. Seeing the look in his eyes from wanting you so bad, you knew that you were in for a lot of aches tomorrow.

He shoves the remaining game pieces on the floor, setting you on the coffee table. Using the fact that you lost, and were fully undressed to his advantage, he settles himself on his knees between your legs. “Think you can take me, or do you need me to stretch you out?” His voice is gentle as his fingers trace along your already slick folds. Unable to wait for you to answer, he slips his long middle finger into you. A soft moan leaves his lips as you lift your hips to feel his finger deeper. His own need is overshadowed by the desire to make you cum.

“Want more. Please Tetsu. I want you to stretch me out.” Your voice comes out a bit whinier than you hoped, desperate to feel the deep feelings that only he can give you. Taking mercy on you, he slides his ring finger in, curling both until he finds your g-spot. He quickens his ministrations, savoring in the way you react to him. His cock twitches, but he ignores it, too lost in the moans coming from your mouth.

When his thumb starts to circle your clit, you instinctively try to pull away, feeling pressure building in your core. “Ah. No moving.” He presses down just above your pelvic bone, creating more stimulation against your sweet spot. You squirm even more, feeling as if you may explode if the pressure builds any more. “Let go baby. Stop holding back. Relax.” His lips graze down your inner thigh.

At his words, the pressure releases, and you soak his hand with your cum. Your vision blurs and your hands roam to find something to hold on to. Settling for gripping your chest, your hips grind weakly against his hand until you become too sensitive.

He finally removes his hand, fingers dripping with your cum. Popping his fingers in his mouth, he lets out a soft moan. “Fuck I will never get tired of how good you taste.” He leans down and laps at your cum soaked folds. His delicate kitten licks move to your clit and you try to pull away.

“Tetsu… I want you to fuck me. I want you to feel good too.” You tug his hair to pull him up to look at you, eyes begging him to stuff you full. He hesitates for a moment, wanting to continue tasting you, but also wanting to fuck you so hard that neither one of you can think straight anymore. “Baby.” Your voice snaps him out of his thoughts, and he is hovering over you.

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you attach your lips to his, opening your mouth just enough that his tongue slips into your mouth. His tongue tastes faintly like your cum, and you can’t help but blush. You slide your hands down his chest, clumsily tugging his boxers down. Pumping his cock to smear the precum, you move to line him up with your entrance.

“My needy girl. Don’t worry. I’m going to make you feel so good. I’m gonna make you cum all over me.” He pushes into you with one fluid snap of his hips. Your walls clamp down around him, already trying to milk him for all the cum he has. “If you aren’t… fuck… if you don’t stop I won’t be able… oh god… to move.” He half begs, trying to keep control as he rocks against you.

“Can’t help it. You just feel so good in me. I want to cum around you already.” Your voice comes out as needy, body already teetering on the edge just from his tip kissing your cervix as he rocks against it. Still sensitive from your first intense orgasm, then his tongue teasing every inch of your pussy, you feel as if you could cum again.

“Not yet baby. Just hold off for a little longer. I want you to cum with me.” He grits his teeth as he builds up to a steady pace. Tears start to well in your eyes as it becomes almost painful to not cum. “It’s okay. Just breathe. It’s going to be okay. A little longer. It will feel so good when you finally cum with me.” He tries to calm your nerves, kissing away the tear that slipped down your cheek.

You cling to his shoulders, mind going numb, and only being able to think about how good his dick is making you feel. “Cum for me. Fuck.” His voice tugs you back to reality just enough to realize you no longer have to hold back. Creaming all over him, you moan his name against his neck, trembling in his arms as he fucks his cum into you.

It takes you both a few moments to come back down from your highs, suddenly aware of the discomfort you feel from the coffee table. “Game night was fun, but can we fuck somewhere more comfortable tomorrow?” You ask softly, giggling softly against his shoulder.

@bummie @izukine @writesmcgee

[mintwithchoco]

beaux rêves: Ep 4 - Adrenaline

ITZY Yeji x Male Reader

Word Count: 2882 words

Categories: smut, oral, femdom, mommy kink, light bdsm, agent! yeji

aff link

“Stop!”

Avoiding each and every obstacle, the three agents chased down their target who was running through the top of a building, a person simply named “Killer Queen”. The chase was going on for five minutes - countless bullets directed towards each other missing their mark. The agents were running out of ammunition and their stamina wasn’t going to hold up any further.

“Does this guy have any lungs or what?! We’ve been chasing him for hours!” Ryujin shouts towards the others.

“Keep the pace! Eventually he’ll get tired too!” Yeji replied.

“Captain, permission to use Hierophant Green!” You asked Yeji while getting ready to press the button on your watch to summon the weapon mentioned.

“Permission granted!”

As soon as you press the button, your hands turn into a robotic state with green and white color schemes. You then put them close together, causing it to glow bright green and a water-like material is produced on your palms.

“Take this Killer Queen! Emerald Splash!” You shouted.

A giant energy blast was released from your palms which then takes on the form of emeralds, targeted and locked onto Killer Queen at a crazy speed. The agents were confident - Killer Queen had no way of escaping and they were gonna put an end to his crimes by giving him the punishment that he deserves.

But suddenly, Killer Queen flashes his jacket towards the blast and deflects them away, making the agents flinch away from him. They were shocked at the act and realized that this was not an easy enemy.

“What? There’s no way! No one can just deflect the Emerald Splash!” You said, shocked at the fact that The Mafia has overthrown your best attack.

"Hah! You utter fool! Your attacks are weak against me!" Killer Queen then throws a type of bomb towards you.

"Agent Mint!" Ryujin and Yeji shouted before watching you get sent flying in the air by the explosion from the bomb.

Both of them stopped chasing Killer Queen and ran towards your weak body that just fell to the ground. The explosion burned your suit and a little bit of your skin and your head was feeling super dizzy because of you hitting it on the cement roof. Blood started to pour out from a cut on your head, your vision was also starting to get blurry.

Before Yeji and Ryujin could reach you, you fainted because of your injuries. You hear their cries for you as your vision slowly turns black, your mind hoping that there's a chance help would arrive soon.

//timeskip//

Your eyes slowly open. Greeted by the bright ceiling light of the room, you squint your eyes and sit up to look around. You felt your head that was wrapped in bandages and saw a few cuts on your arms.

"Where...Where am I?" You ask yourself before hearing the door of the room being opened by Chaeryeong.

"Oppa! You're awake!" Chaeryeong rushes towards you and hugs you on the bed, making you eventually realize that you were in the ward room of the JYP HQ.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I forgot that you're still injured…" Chaeryeong said as she pulled away, noticing you wince from her sudden contact.

"It's fine. How long was I asleep, Chae? Are the others okay?" You asked her as she slowly sat on one of the chairs in the room.

"You've been unconscious for almost 3 days. The others are fine oppa, but…"

"What's wrong?"

"Yeji unnie…She's been out of place after the incident, always looking so frustrated, separating herself from us except during worktimes and most of all - not joining us at lunchtime." Chaeryeong sighed and pouted.

"Killer Queen has caused a lot of trouble for us, and I think she's stressed because of it. Don't worry, I'll try to talk it out with her."

"Alright…Anyways, how are you feeling now oppa?"

"I still feel a bit nauseous, but other than that, I'm a-okay!" You said while giving her a thumbs up, making her giggle cutely.

Suddenly, a knock was heard on the door, making you both flinch. You look at Chaeryeong with a questioning face and she replies back with a shrug. The door then was opened once again, revealing the person that knocked on it was Yeji.

"Oh, you're awake. And Chaeryeong, you're here early." Yeji said while closing the door.

"Y-Yeah...Thought that I would pay oppa a visit before I work. I was lucky enough to see him first awake, hehe~" Chaeryeong said as Yeji came to her right side.

"How do you feel now?" Yeji asked you, and your answer was still the same.

“I’m glad to hear that. Don't worry about the mission, you need to heal up first." Yeji said.

"10:30?!" Chaeryeong suddenly shrieked when she was looking at her watch on her wrist.

"Oppa, I gotta go. I promised Ryujin to help her out with uhh... something, yeah. Yeji unnie, take care of him alright? See you guys later!" Chaeryeong said before quickly rushing herself out of the room, leaving you and Yeji alone.

"Take...care…" You managed to say before Chaeryeong closed the door.

You face Yeji who looked like she was lost in thought. Remembering what Chaeryeong said about her situation recently, you were hesitant to ask her about it as she was looking frustrated. Silence filled the room with ease as you just observed the injuries that you got while Yeji just stared at you with her mind full of thoughts.

"Hey, are you okay?" You ask, breaking the silence between you two.

"Chae said that you’ve been looking distressed lately, is there something wrong?”

Yeji looked at you and was greeted with your concerned expression. She looked hesitant, biting her lips and keeping the gap of her thighs closed. You purse your lips, wondering why she was acting this way.

“...You said you were okay, right?”

“Yeah...Why?”

“Then, I’ll show you what’s wrong.” Yeji stood up from her seat and took off her boots and her socks. You were confused, but then she suddenly sat on your lower region that was covered with a blanket, making you shocked.

“Yeji what the-” Yeji silenced you by bringing a finger to your lips and her head gets close to your ear.

"I'm...sexually frustrated." She whispers softly into your ear, giving you shivers.

"H-Hey now Yeji…T-This is not the best place to be saying stuff like this-" You were cut off by Yeji's lips, deeply kissing you and forcing you to lean back to the headboard.

Your eyes widened. This was a wrongful act, you thought. But upon tasting her cherry lips, you instantly got addicted to it. Yeji demands more of you by forcing her tongue into your mouth, giving her access to dance with your tongue. You both exchanged saliva to each other while your hands promptly moved to her back, gently hugging her.

Eventually, you both ran out of oxygen and pulled away from each other by the force of nature followed with strings of saliva. You stared into each other's eyes, filled with lust, knowing what to do next.

"Mommy's been dying to taste your cock, baby. You don't know how many times I've cum just thinking about it." Yeji said while throwing the blanket away from your lap.

"M-Mommy?"

"Yes, mommy. What's wrong?"

"...N-Nothing, I love it." Yeji gave you a shy smile.

Yeji then kisses your neck hungrily, leaving a few deep red marks all over it as you start to moan at how good it felt. Her right hand unbuttons your shirt to reveal your toned body. After gawking at you, she marks you with her lips all over it until she reaches your abdomen.

Your cock was begging to be released from its confines due to her lust-filled kisses earlier. Yeji smirks as she notices your prominent bulge sticking out of your pants. She cups it gently, making you flinch a little and let out a few breathy moans.

"Fuck baby, I can't wait to taste your cock."

Yeji took off her belt and opened the zipper on her coat to be left with a sleeveless blue leather top. You were glad that she helped you to discard a part of her outfit since they were confusing to your eyes.

Her face was on your crotch once again and she took off your pants and your boxers slowly, being cautious as you were still a bit injured.

Your hard cock sprang out and throbbed instantly, finally feeling the cold temperature of the room. Yeji bites her lower lip as she looks at your cock standing proud, impressed by its size. She grasps it by the base, causing you to inhale air into your lungs until she starts stroking it fully, making you exhale in relief.

Precum starts to leak from your tip, hinting to Yeji that her handjob was going well. Her thumb collects it and spreads them all over your shaft as it keeps leaking more and more, eventually covering them as a whole. Your moans fueled Yeji to continue her work but her mouth was starting to water, hungry to get a taste of you.

"Get ready, baby. Mommy's gonna give you the best blowjob ever."

Without wasting any more time, she takes your cock inside her warm, inviting mouth. Starting with a slow pace, you throw your head back on the headrest, savoring how well her mouth was wrapped around your shaft. She was telling the truth about dying for your cock, her tongue was skillfully licking the underside of your shaft and swirling around your tip.

As she bobbed her head up and down to increase the pace, you closed your eyes. The extreme pleasure was felt in an instant because of your body being unconscious these past few days. You were even more sensitive than normal as your body kept shaking with pleasure as Yeji now fondled your balls with her left hand.

"Fuck mommy…" You moaned.

Yeji's eyes formed an inverted crescent upon hearing your moan. She continues to increase her pace on your cock, her mind sets a mission of wanting to make you feel good. That mission was already completed by how much you were moaning and sweating for her because of the pleasure.

When you looked down to see Yeji, you realized that her right hand was missing from your cock. Just then, you looked harder and noticed that she was touching herself as her leather pants were dangling on her knees, allowing her to gain access to her pussy. You knew it was hard for her to keep pleasuring you and herself, so you stopped her blowjob by holding onto her head.

"Mommy...let me help you." You told Yeji and she took the hint instantly as she released your cock from her mouth and turned her body around on her knees. At the same time, you laid down on the bed and Yeji moved backwards until her crotch was right in front of your face and vice versa.

She was dripping, her pussy glistening because of her wetness. You finish the job of taking off her pants alongside her panties and grab her thighs to bring them closer to your meal. Yeji was already back to her job of sucking your cock but suddenly, she moaned loudly as you pushed your tongue onto her clit, lightly penetrating it. Then, the whole of your lips sticks onto her pussy alongside Yeji now deepthroating your cock.

The ward room was filled with both of your moans, pleasuring each other at the same time. You were surprised that no one has opened nor knocked on the door. It was like the time was letting you feel this moment with Yeji. She continues to slightly choke herself on your cock while you lapped up every part of her pussy that was covered with her juices.

You knew that you were reaching your peak fast. You would love to see Yeji's mouth filled with your cum, but the sensitiveness of your cock right now can only be felt once in a while.

"Mommy, I wanna feel your pussy now." Yeji then pulls you out of her mouth, raises her body and straddles your stomach.

"You want mommy to fuck you?" Yeji said while tracing a pattern on your chest. You nodded quickly as a reply.

"You wanna feel how tight mommy is?" You nodded again but then, you were greeted by a hard slap on your left cheek.

"Don't ever tell mommy what to do." Yeji's tone was cold and harsh, throbbing your cock in response because of how scary and hot it was.

Her hand was back to your cock once again, stroking it gently with a smirk on her face. You didn’t know what she was planning to do, but you knew that it was definitely gonna be pleasuring. She raised her hips and hovered over your crotch, teasing the tip of your shaft on her pussy lips. Your breath started to come out shallow, the friction of her rubbing was getting into nerves as you grit your teeth when you felt a certain sensation hitting your body.

“M-Mommy, p-please…” You begged her.

“What was that baby?”

“Please fuck me mommy! I wanna feel mommy’s tight pussy and fill it up with my cum! Please mommy!” You gave in to her dominance, something that you never had done before.

Without saying any words back, she suddenly left the bed and grabbed something from her little pouch on the seat which was on her arm earlier. Before going back to the bed, she comes to your side and covers your eyes with some sort of cloth, your vision now was filled with darkness.

“Arms up.” You followed her instructions and Yeji ties both of your wrists to each side of the headboard with what you feel like a silky fabric.

“Hm, better.” You heard Yeji say before feeling the bed sink down and the warmness of her pussy was back on your erection. You also heard the sound of clothes being removed and thrown onto the floor, possibly her top and her bra which were the only things that were left on her body.

“Mommy’s gonna fuck you now since you begged for it.”

You didn’t even have time to prepare yourself as Yeji lowered down on your shaft, letting you feel the tightness of her pussy. She didn’t care about adjusting to your size anymore and kept slamming down her hips at a wild pace with a few satisfying groans from her sinful lips.

“Ahh fuck, you fill me up so well.” Yeji moaned as she slowed down her movements.

“Mommy’s so tight…”

Feeling that her hand was now on your stomach, you can imagine that Yeji was riding you with her ass facing towards you. You were a little frustrated at not having the vision of her perfect butt bouncing up and down your cock, but all these props that were put onto you were definitely increasing your arousal. Your shaft was drowned with her juices as you heard the wet sound of both of your crotches slapping against each other.

You never knew that you had a submissive side, and you have to thank Yeji for unlocking this new side of you. Sweat formed on both of your bodies as the air around was getting hotter due to her constant pace of riding your length. Suddenly, your cock impales her deeply until it reaches her g-spot, earning a loud sensual moan from Yeji.

“Fuck yeah, that’s the spot…”

Yeji penetrates herself in that same position over and over again. Her legs and body shakes in response, oxytocin fills her bloodstream in a large amount as her walls strongly clenches on your shaft. It wouldn’t take much longer for the both of you to reach your peak.

“Oh yeah, mommy’s going to cum all over your cock baby.”

“M-Me too, m-mommy, please don’t stop!”

“I would never.”

A few more slams was all it needed for Yeji to orgasm, drenching your cock with an enormous amount of her juices as her walls pulsated around your cock with such intense pressure. It causes you to hit your climax quickly after hers, emptying all of your build up load and filling up the entirety of her insides. You pull on the fabric on your wrists while moaning in a loud volume, wanting to hold her close as you orgasm but you were glad enough that you were deep inside her warm pussy.

“Ahh, fill me up, fill me up….” Yeji said as you sent a few more shots of your thick seed into her womb.

As you both were a panting mess, Yeji lifts off of your shaft inch by inch, both of your mixed cum slowly drips out of her before it leaks out in a large amount and stains the bed below. You felt Yeji’s hand taking off your blindfold and once your vision was back, a sight of Yeji showing her pink splayed lips that was messy with both of your juices. She sighed in satisfaction and leaned her head close to your ear to whisper something.

“From now on, you will be mommy’s fucktoy.”

[tatooedlaura-blog]

Multiplication

The fourth series reads as follows:

Apple Balancing ... Potential ... The Newbies ... The Dessert ... Dinosaurs and Cannibalism ... Sassy Sprinklepants ... The Secret Vault of Mudlerness ... Taco Night ... Neckhole Wrestling ... The Onesie

To catch up: First series … Second series ...  Third series

@today-in-fic

&&&&&&&&&&

“Holy … shit …”

Scully was simply silent.

“Holy … shit …”

Scully drew a deep breath.

“Holy … shit …”

“Would you stop saying that?”

Mulder looked from the monitor to Scully and back to the monitor, fingers nervously touching the screen, then pulling back quickly, wondering if touching the image would make it disappear, “but … there’s two.”

Having regained her faculties, she bumped shoulders with him, losing the connection to her belly but not minding, given she had already captured the picture, “maybe that’s why I’m more vomit-y than with Will.”

He didn’t even call her on the use of the word vomit-y, “How did you not see the first time we did this?”

“All I can think of is one was hiding behind the other and besides, they aren’t that big. Lima Bean 2 may have looked like an air bubble.”

Squinting at her in wonder, “what will you give me to get me to promise never to tell one of our children that for the first two months of their life, you thought they were a fart bubble?”

Wiping the goo off her belly, sliding her shirt back down, “it’ll give them character. I’m fine with it.”

“You’re getting a shirt.”

As she stood up, “I’ll wear it with pride but first,” already moving down the hall, “I’m going to throw up.”

&&&&&&&&&

True to his word, he had a shirt for her which read, “I thought my baby was a fart bubble,” by the time he came home from work the next day but Scully chose not to wear it trick-or-treating, “I don’t want to go declaring things until I’m further along.”

“I know but I think it will go under your sweater just fine.”

Seeing the shine in his eyes and his ‘you’re gonna cave’ grin, she shook her head and pulled sweater off, leaving exposed slightly not so flat belly, “I am going to be huge by the end of May.” She stopped suddenly, “what if they have the same birthday as Will?”

“I know a guy who knows a guy who could do a spell or at least cast a charm that would totally make that happen.”

Oh my God, she honestly thought she might know the guy he was talking about, and with a serious notionative thought that would have scared the bejeesus out of her a few years early, she actually debated on whether to have Mulder get him on the phone.

Sometimes she stopped and wondered what in the world had happened to her straight and narrow life.

He saw first the debate and reached for his pocket, phone within inches, number already floating through the slag to the surface of his consistently cluttered mind, but then he noticed the two seconds of sheer doubt in the entire world and he stopped, reaching into his other pocket instead, to produce a red M&M. Picking off lint, he held it out to her, “this is for you so you remember why you like me.”

Scully ate it from his fingertips, “momentary lapse of reason. It’s gone now.”

Trick-or-treating went well. Scully, Mulder, Dave, and Skinner traveled with the pack while the other parents stayed to pass out candy at Maggie’s. Will pulled in a good haul simply because the alien costume Mulder had made was incredibly adorable, with its green fuzzy material and it hood with giant eyes. Mulder had demanded gray but Scully won, telling him no one would know what he was if the costume was gray.

As a reward for winning, she agreed to share a quarter of her son’s take with his father, “a quarter? What the hell?”

Whispering to him, “three mouths to feed. I get three-quarters.”

He contemplated, then conceded, following with a cocked head, “we’ll have to do things to burn off the sugar high, won’t we?”

“Indeed we will.”

Skinner simply shook his head at the whispering and the giggling of his agents trailing behind, “keep up with the rest of the class, kids. I don’t want you getting lost back there.”

Taking Scully’s hand, pushing the stroller with the other, “come on. Dad doesn’t want us to get lost.”

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Mulder walked off the elevator the following morning, immediately bombarded by the smell of patchouli and cigarette smoke. Neither smell was to his liking and he entered the office asking, in an irritated voice, “what the hell is that smell?”

A dark-haired woman turned around, answering him in a no-nonsense clip that he would have appreciated had he not already decided she was a pain in his ass given that the smell of smoke that clung to her was even worse once he was in the room, “my name is Monica Reyes.”

Neither Doggett nor Harrison were anywhere to be seen and Mulder narrowed his gaze at her, “how can I help you, Monica Reyes, because there are only roughly nine people who know we exist down here and you are not one of them.”

Non-plussed by the closed and suspicious tone of one Fox Mulder, she held out her hand, never blinking, never looking away, “you must be Agent Mulder. John’s told me a lot about you.”

Ignoring her hand and knowing he was being rude, he continued, “what brand of cigarettes do you smoke?”

Monica tilted her head at him, finally become irritated, “none. The smell on me is from two days of staying with my stepmother. She smokes Marlboro, not that it’s any of your business, while I have never so much as thought about smoking anything, given she has lung cancer and is on track to die a slow, suffocating death. Her name is Patricia. You could call and ask her yourself but that may be hard, given she breathes, and smokes, through a tube in her neck.”

Mulder felt sufficiently horrible by now and shutting his eyes, he regrouped, this time meeting her hand that continued to hover between them, “I’m sorry. I have innate suspicions.”

“Of smokers? Strangers? Women named Patricia?”

All in, “yes.”

“Are you done being an asshole?”

“Probably not but I’ll do my best to keep it to a minimum.” It felt weird to be called out by someone who wasn’t his wife or his boss, “what can I do for you, Miss Reyes?”

“It’s actually Agent Reyes. I’m up here from New Orleans to talk to both you and to my friend, John.”

He was having a fine morning, “can we maybe start over? Let me come back in here and be … less … total dipshit?”

Monica laughed, “you’re fine. John informed me of your incredibly low tolerance for anyone who wasn’t Agent Scully. I actually expected this exchange to be worse.”

Shaking his head, “for what it’s worth, I’m sorry again and,” looking around, “moving on, where is Doggett? He would have had to let you in here.”

“He’s up stealing us the good Danish. It seems the third floor has the best in the building.”

Mulder’s stomach growled loudly, “I hope he steals enough for everyone.” It finally sank in where she was from, “New Orleans, you said, right? Did you come up here to escape Halloween in the city?”

“I love Halloween in the city. It’s almost as much fun as Mardi Gras but without so many boobs and beads but the best is actually tonight, which is ‘Day of the Dead.’ I’m missing one of the best parties of the year to be here.”

Offering her a seat and heading to his behind the desk, “should I be honored?”

“More like informative.” Sitting, back straight, arms loosely crossed, “I’d like to start an X-Files division down south.”

[kumabeom]

24 to 25 - 최범규

masterlist

christmas special , guitarist!beomgyu

the cold windy weather fogs up the windows , unfortunately not letting you catch a glimpse of the first snow fall. but it was already piling up , covering the green grass , and replacing it with white snow. it was nearly christmas and beomgyu still hadn’t come home. he went live for his fans , which of course bothered you as you wanted to spend your first christmas together. but at the same time , you didn’t want to take him away from something that he was so excited to do. so you ignored the anger you felt boiling inside of you.

instead of being angry on such a jolly holiday , you turned on the fire place and put on the grinch. a soft blanket covering your , as beomgyu liked to say , small body. beomgyu may seem like the tiniest human on planet earth , but in reality he was a giant and since you just happened to be shorter than him. one day he just let the nickname , “my small baby” , slip out. ever since he always called you it.

the door begins to creak open , raising your head to see who was simply barging into your apartment. but everything’s put to rest as you see beomgyu’s face.

“gyu !!!” you begin to unwrap the blanket , getting ready to greet him with a warm hug.

“it’s okay baby , stay like that. you look comfortable.” he states , putting down his guitar next to the couch , before taking a seat at the end of the couch. “seems like someone isn’t mad at me anymore.”

“you knew ? but i thought i hid it well.”

“i mean i guess you tried , but you’re easy to read.” you sit up , cuddling next to him , using the blanket to warm the two of you up. “especially when you ignored me this morning.”

“gyu , how come you never taught me how to play the guitar ?”

“you wanna learn right now ?”

he watches as you frantically nod your head , wrapping his hands around you waist , pulling you into his lap. grabbing his guitar , that was right next to him. he takes a hold of your hand , putting it where it belongs , and letting your other hand rest on the strings.

“what now ?” just as those words left your mouth , he puts pressure against your hand that was more at the neck of the guitar , whilst his head rested near your head.

“the last string is e , then it’s a and d , the next 3 are g , b , e.”

“so how do i know which e to play.”

“don’t worry about it i’ll guide you ,” his warm breath hit your nape , tickling you , earning a smile. “wanna play a part of 505 by arctic monkeys ? it’s a beginner song.”

“mm’ yeah , that’s fine.”

“okay , i’ll help you with your other hand , you focus on strumming.” your head reluctantly nods , “m’kay baby , strum e , g and b. in that order , ‘kay?”

you nod once again , strumming the strings he told you , waiting for further directions as he held your hand that was on the neck of the guitar. “okay , now a and d.”

you do as he says , strumming the strings , which were thankfully labeled. as your mind had already forgotten which was which. “now put it together.”

“e , g , b , and then a and d ?”

“mhmm , see you got the hang of this baby. just play the strings , remember i have you covered over here.” he watches you intently , enjoying the view right in front of him. watching you play an instrument that had gotten him where he was. “see that was just a part of the song and i have a feeling that you’ll learn easily.”

“ah gyu , what time is it ?” he reaches over for your phone as it was the closest , checking the time to see that it was 12:08 am.

“heh- we kinda- just a little bit.. missed 12:00 , by 8 minutes..” beomgyu speaks , putting his guitar back on the floor.

“it’s okay ! at least we got to spend that time together. you don’t have a schedule tomorrow right ?”

“just my performance in daegu , but i was hoping you’d come with me so we could maybe stop by my parents’ home. if you have other plans , then it’s fine , we can always stop by another day or whenever.”

“Oooh , of course i wanna see your family gyu , but will the company let you ??”

“i spoke to them , they said they’d try their best , but they can’t make any promises.”

“ooh~ , also gyu look what i got us for right now , i was planning you’d come over , so i prepared us a movie night.” your hand attempts to reach the bag of goodies on the floor , but beomgyu puts a bit of pressure on you. making you lean back into him. your back pressed against his chest.”

“i love you baby.”

“love you too gyu , now let’s watch the grinch !!”

[ur-riddikulus]

Fear and Cuddles (Thor Odinson)

Pairing: Thor x Y/N.

Summary: You are afraid of storms and go into Thor’s room one night because he calms you down. Then he figures out and forces you to admit this to him.

Warnings: Just pure fluff and the obviousness of them loving each other and needing to get together. This may suck but honestly it’s just meant to be a short cute story.

As another roll of thunder shook the compound, you buried yourself under more covers. You were shaking in fear, the lightning flashing across the sky. 

It was probably around 2 or 3 am, but honestly you didn’t know. Fear was weird, making the hours start to blend together at this point. But it could have also just been exhaustion. You hadn’t been able to sleep all night, too afraid to from the raging storm outside.

Screw this, I’m an Avenger for God’s sake, I can deal with one storm. You thought to yourself, but that confidence immediately left when moments later, another round of lightning streaked across the sky.

Everyone was probably calmly asleep, with not a care in the world. You have never been more envious of your team mates. You were so, so tired and had a long day tomorrow, but sleep wasn’t even an option with your anxiety through the roof all night.

Your heart was beating so fast you thought you were having a stroke. Maybe I’m dying? You thought. At least it would take you out of your misery. After all, you can’t be scared when you’re dead. But even you were not that lucky, you supposed.

You had been battling yourself since the storm had started. Should you go to Thor’s room or not? You haven’t because it was so embarrassing, what adult was terrified of storms? But you had been friends for years, and he was just across the halls. He helped you through everything and you were too scared to be alone right now.

“No, I am not a child. I’ll be fine right here.” You promised yourself for the umpteenth time. You were resolved, you weren’t going to run into his room and bother him with something as dumb as your ridiculous fear of storms.

But when you heard wind rattling the trees in the night and huge bolts lightning light up the night sky, you were a goner. So, being the coward you were, you finally had enough. You ran out of the room, your shaking legs taking you quickly across the hall and outside the door of Thor’s room. You knocked, just to be polite, but when you heard nothing you just assumed he was sleeping. So you just quietly opened the door, tiptoed over to his bed, and crawled into it beside him.

He was snoring, loudly and deeply. If you weren’t terrified of waking him up and of course, the raging storm outside, you probably would have laughed.

You were crawling into bed very slowly, pausing whenever he would shift or a break would come in his snoring. When you were finally tucked into his bed, beside him, you were enveloped in his smell. Pine tree, the smell of rain, and a scent that was just...Thor. You breathed it in deep, the mix of it all making you feel safe and protected from the violent storm outside.

Your fear soon started washing washing away and you could feel your eyes suddenly start to droop when he moved, turning in your direction. You immediately held still, careful to not move in order to not possibly wake up the god. 

He snuggled into you, holding you close and putting an arm around you. Then, his deep snores started once more. As awkward as this position was, it relaxed you even more. Thor was simply your best friend, nothing more. But you couldn’t help but be secretly glad that he was in this close, intimate position with you. 

You ignored the fluttering of your heart, guessing that it was just all the anxiety you had been through that night. You leaned in and cuddled with him as well. Moments later, thunder shook the compound the loudest it had all night, but you didn’t care. You were finally calm and sleeping, a faint smile on your face as you were tucked in next to the Avenger.

You heard noises before you opened your eyes the next morning. It sounded like a shower was being turned on. You ignored it and decided to go back to bed, snuggling back into the comfy covers. Then, before you drifted back to sleep, you noticed it. Thor’s scent was all over these covers. It made no sense, none at all. That was, until you remembered last nights events. The big storm, your fear, you sneaking in and cuddling with Thor.

You shot up, cheeks blazing from embarrassment. How were you going to explain this to him? The bed was empty beside you, so you knew he was in the shower. He had to see you this morning, you were hugging him like a giant teddy bear for God’s sake. 

You didn’t want anyone to know of your fear. Why would you? The rest of the Avengers went through hell and back and lived to tell the tale. They feared nothing. While you turned into a statue if you heard one roll of thunder. There was no way to get out of this. And you definitely couldn’t face him, what were you going to say? “Sorry, I am a huge baby and crawled into your bed last night because of a storm, then you cuddled me and I loved it and haven’t slept that good in years?” No, absolutely no way. You didn’t need to add even more embarrassment onto this already huge list of things to be embarrassed about. 

You looked at the door, wishing you could somehow magically teleport back into your room, where you were supposed to be. Maybe your friendship could survive this, of course considering that he even wanted to be friends with you after this, the girl who crawled into bed with him at 2 am without his consent. You could just ignore it, never talk about it, and with time, maybe it will be back to normal.

You were about to run to the door when you heard the shower stop running and Thor get out of it. The bathroom door was open, and soon you saw him saunter out of it with a towel wrapped about his waist, water droplets still streaming down his chest and v-line. 

Your eyes immediately opened wide at that sight. No wonder he’s a god. He was the hottest, most attractive man you’ve ever seen. Of course, as close friends you saw him shirtless sometimes, and you always thought he was attractive (I mean, you would have to be blind to not see it) but it never made you feel this...starstruck before. He was turned around, going through his dresser for clothes. So, you did the only thing you could think of it that moment.

You leaned back down and faked being asleep.

Sure, it was a coward’s move. But your pride was long gone. You already knew you were a coward last night when you crawled into bed with him. 

He finished going through his clothes, picking them out and you could hear the fabric rustling so you assumed he was getting dressed. Once the sound stopped, you felt his gaze harden on you. You had to fight the urge to not move while feigning sleep, but knowing that he was staring at you was making it pretty hard.

You felt the bed dip down under his weight as he got on it beside you and snuggled right back into you like the way you were together last night.

He moved your hair behind your ear and put his lips right next to your ear. You had to fight yourself to not give him more access to your neck, which was ridiculous. Why were you being so weird around Thor lately?

You felt him breath on your ear. “I know you're awake, Y/N.” Thor said in a singsongy voice.

Your heart dropped. How were you going to explain this? In your head, you knew that Thor was a kind and understanding person, but that didn’t mean you wanted to admit that you, someone whose literally job it is to face villains, couldn’t face a storm. You just didn’t want to get laughed at.

You sighed and opened your eyes. “Surprise?” You said. Maybe you could joke your way out of this mess. He loved jokes, and you knew that his big heart would trust that you weren’t lying to him.

He smiled his trademark dazzling smile and you automatically felt more comfortable, as you always felt when you were around him. You weren’t thinking about the situation you just got yourself into, all you could think of was, “Why wasn’t Thor the god of beauty? He certainly fits the job description.”

“Uh...thank you?” He said with a little laugh and a confused look on his face.

“Oh shit...did I just say that out loud?” You’re cheeks grew red and you started to hate yourself so much for how embarrassing you are

“Maybe, but I find it very endearing.” Thor replied, still smiling.

You had to clear your head, but whenever you were around him recently, you couldn’t. You shook your head quickly to try to gain any brain cells you had left. When you looked back up you saw Thor looking at you thoughtfully.

“So, not that I didn’t love sharing a bed with you, Y/n, but why were you in my bed last night? I wasn’t aware we had scheduled what you mortals call a ‘sleep over’.”

You swallowed thickly, quickly going in between answers to this question in your head. Should you say that you were possessed and woke up here? That you were just wanting to snuggle with your best friend for the night? You audibly sigh, you never were a good liar.

“Are you okay,Y/N?” You looked up at him and his worried expression. Thor was the kindest person you had ever met, and he never failed to make your day better. He didn’t deserve to be told a lie from his best friend. Especially when you know how much he hates lies, understandably because he was told them all the time from Loki, his mischievous younger brother. 

This was it. Were you going to lie and keep your fear to yourself? Or tell the truth and possibly bear the humiliation?

“Thor, I came into your room last night because I was scared. I’m afraid of storms and you always calm me down so I went in here to feel better. I’m so, so, so sorry. Really, it was-”

He cut you off by putting a finger up and saying, “Wait...you came into my room because you were scared?

“Uh...yeah?” “I calm you down and make you feel better, really?

Okay, not the way you thought this conversation was going to go at all, but at least he wasn’t focusing on your embarrassing fear.

“Yeah, of course you do. Are you not mad or something?” You asked. Why was he caring about that?

After saying that, then he looked at you like you were an idiot. “Why would I be mad? That’s the kindest thing anyone’s ever said to me. And many people have something to be afraid of, me included.”

You smile at Thor, just relieved that he was such a kind person. You had nothing to be nervous about, he would always be there for you. You were curious about him mentioning that he has a fear but then just decided that was a conversation for another time. 

“Thor, you are the sweetest person alive, I hope you know that.”

You both smiled and enjoyed each other’s presence. You were so grateful for such a great person in your life. 

Thor yawned before saying, “You know, I was going to work out but seeing you so comfy in bed makes me want to go back to bed. Want to sleep in?”

You give Thor a look. “Only if you make me waffles when we wake up.”

He rolled his eyes. “You humans and your weird breakfasts.”

You laughed and scooted over on the bed to make room for Thor. He got more comfortable and you moved back to cuddle with him almost immediately without even having to think about it, it was just instinct for you now.

You soon went to bed but before you fell back into deep sleep, you barely heard the comforting voice of Thor say, “I love you, Y/N.” before finally dozing off. Loud thunder could be heard once more in the room but you didn't care. You were finally cozy and cuddling with your favorite Avenger, his presence keeping the fear at bay.