#which was also nice....and i am just having a good time rn! very happy :)

[elis-blawg222]

November 8 - Friday

Whew! Caught up at last!! (took me long enough)

Today was actually pretty good. I called Angel before school which made me really happy!! (I love him sm ill sob rn actually). My class wasn't toooo bad. The teacher talked sooo much ugh, but I drew the whole time so it was fine. I made my oc thinnn n pretty, love him. Also we had to go around the room and talk to people for like 30 minutes. 30. (did yk you have 30 minutes??)

It was so nerve wracking, especially because I was unprepared lol. I bet I looked like such a total weirdo with the lack of eye contact I was making, but at the time I was just trying not to break a nervous sweat LMAO.

Then, after my class I went to the library (on call w/Ange) and did an assignment. I went home afterwards because my phone was gonna die, and I needed my charger.

After a bit at home, I went to my next class, and I had a test in this one. It went good I think! We studied beforehand which I'm really grateful for.

We had a break in this class, so I went to walk around for a minute, and during this my mom texted me with:

"Eli

What did u eat today"

...

nothing. So, I said "I had some chicken nuggetss after my class hehe"

to which she responded "No fries no pop. How many nuggets"

GURL. So i was like "I did get some fries lol? and i got 10 why?"

and she just CONVENIENTLY NEVER RESPONDED. UGH.

(but wait theres more.)

After my class ended I went home and got ready for work. I was otp w/Angel (because seriously when am I not?) and he was playing minecraft. It was so peaceful and entertaining to watch and listen to him play- I loved every bit of it. Then, we talked about how we should play together (I ltrly will do anything to idc).

Work was actually ehh, not toooo bad. My dad and friend and her mom stopped by which was nice, and also my hairdresser LOL. They both tipped really well (obviously my dad did but yk).

I went home after what felt like one billion years, I was so so so happy. When I got home I just said a few things about my day like I usually do, and made sure to slip in the fact that I got a free meal at work. Which isn't wrong, I did, but I didn't get anything. I actually am just gonna let my friend get something tomorrow. but they don't have to know all that shhhhhhhh.

Then my mom stopped in front of me and was like what did you eat? and so i repeated myself bc no one listens to me <3

(I told her fried chicken tenders, fries, mac and cheese for context, a very 'me' meal tbh or at least it was)

Then, she was like "how many chicken tenders?" "no drink?" "did you finish it? all of it?" "so then you ate 2 full meals today?"

oh. my god. like. genuinely.

why. is. she. interrogating. me. pls. fucking. leave. me. alone. IM GENUINELY MORTIFIED AND HONESTLY IM SO AGGRIVATED. LET ME STARVE IN PEACE HOLY FUCK.

I tried to act like a normal person and be like ??? why are you interrogating me? BC WHY ARE YOU (as if I'm not literally starving myself)

She was just like "because I need to make sure you're getting nutrients." ok girl.

Then, I went to my room and she went to bed. I cleaned my room a bit and did a homework assignment, so I'm pretty proud of myself.

Also if you couldn't tell by now I fasted today. I was gonna either 48 hr fast or do 2 24 hr fasts back to back, but I think I'm just gonna do around 36 hrs. I wanna eat in front of my mom tomorrow so maybe she'll start leaving me alone (I seriously doubt it).

It just gets really frustrating when every meal I have she thinks isn't enough, even when I'm genuinely full. I can't eat like I used to like I physically cannot, she has to get that.

Anywho, I was thinking of making some cucumber boats tomorrow, I think it'll be fun.

Total Steps: 6.7k

Look at me meeting my step goal for once. I'm gonna start really making an effort at meeting it!

'Til tomorrow :)

(P.S. actually getting activity on these makes me so nervous but haiii)

[hella1975]

i need to read more books and annotate in the margins i need to write more i need to buy jeans that fit me i need to eat more fruit i need to buy good quality headphones i need to get a skincare routine i need to talk to my friends more i need to wash my hair i need to stop treating this inhabitation as a curse. i am tired of punishing the body that has fought me for survival every day for years. i deserve little treats as regularly as possible !!

[maraeffect]

okay today was like the first time since surgery that i've been able to exist as a human outside my house!! and i had a great time even though i am PAYING FOR IT. HEAVILY 💀

[astrxealis]

went out w friends today super duper fun i'm really happy but anyway just on here to say it's my break now so i'll be a bit more active i hope, it's my bday soon too, and i got asked my gender today which was p cool 😙🥺💗✨

[softzindagi]

Some of my thoughts on maxton hall and why i loved it so much:

- im so glad that they didnt have james being a dickbag and kissing other girls after he met ruby

- the contrast of james and ruby’s families, the polar opposite in fathers. I love how they still had james and lydia be each other’s rocks in such a crappy situation when they have no one else, even if their relationship isn’t the best. The dichotomy of their relationship to ruby’s and ember’s? things can go wrong but they are sisters who love each other deeply.

-i loved the very pride and prejudice esque scenes of ruby dressing james down, and every time he deserved to be told off but it still makes ruby feel guilty afterwards. there’s a moral compass of ruby that james hated at first but it humbles him? Chefs kiss its so fucking good. He betters himself just like darcy and the change is seen even by his parents.

- the scene of ruby telling james off in the oxford course, its a pivotal scene because everything she says digs at things he knows. Young Beaufort wasnt his idea, it was Lydia’s and he’s taking credit and charge of it. He feels bad, he’s forced into it, but it’s the “you go through life representing wealth to which you have contributed absolutely nothing? With so much money, there’s no need for your own ideas.” Ruby has no idea how hard that actually hits home, and you can see Lydia take a step back mentally and yeah she agrees. The rest of it, how people will only like him for his money and not himself, that also hits so close. We see how Cyril laughs inspite of James’ pain, Alister is impressed by Ruby’s dress down but no one goes after James like a true friend would. As the series goes on you see how Alister and James grow closer as he becomes a better person, you see the care and concern because they’re in similar places but Alister isn’t as proud or arrogant as James is. I really love how by the end of the series, you have James and Alister confiding in each other.

- the scene on the lacrosse field, the way she apologizes and he is arrogant but decides to be nice because he is curious, and finds out that he does like her. She humbles him and makes him want to do better, she’s not the enemy and he kinda respects her for it. I also think, he’s never had anyone genuinely apologize to him, because he’s never had anyone wrong him but his own family. The apology, it’s a catalyst for him to let go of this resentment he has for her, in the truth she dug up in him.

- i am very happy that they have the good and the bad with ruby’s parents. The guilt that Ruby feels and the way her father is not happy that she is “wasting” her money on saving for his lift. There’s care there, but it’s hard nonetheless, those are big emotions to have years after an accident like he experienced.

- piggy backing off of that, the pivotal scene of James saving Ruby from the pool, that even though he didn’t know why she didnt come up but didnt hesitate to jump in? CHEFS KISS! The scene after of her confiding in him, him being so gentle and careful and being honest with percy, that he’s in over his head but he likes ruby, he wants to help her and has helped her. Oof just so fucking good!

- the way they keep telling each other that they should go back to never knowing each other, but every time fail because they’re meant to collide now, they MATTER to each other now

- i just really am glad they had him apologize for the shitty way his father was to her. That he was embarrassed by himself and his father. It was excruciating to have her get humiliated by his father. He’s only experienced it within his own family, but having it happen to Ruby? that changed things.

- they fucking nailed the cute scenes between them. The dancing in the victorian clothes, the chasing pigeons, the planning and setting up of the gala? Hell yeah!

- The whole fourth episode was chef’s kiss, no notes just purely good storytelling

More thoughts later but this is what i’ve got rn after rewatching the show for the third time

[adilynnyuri]

I hope this isnt trauma dumping or sm but i just needed to get this out and also get some advice and i think i really like ur advice. So i have been jn a relationship w my bf for 2 years now and i love him with my heart and soul and we plan to get married ( ee are still young but we see that as the futuregoal) so up tntil a few months back i used to just go to random s*x chat groups and something and would share my nudes nd just stuff like that and would also watch p*rn .. these are both things that me and my bf would a 100% consider cheating and if he did this to me i would kill myself out of sorrow. I absolutely hate myself and am disgusted at myself i was distracted for a little while with my exams but now they are over and now im crying all the time again just thinking about what i did to the boy i love the most. At the time i didnt think much of it and at first i would just talk w people but slowly i started sharing nudes and i did this a couple of times until i realized a few months back how wrong it is. I have no idea how i didnt realise how wrong this is?Up until this i was a really good person i dont think ive ever hurt anybody and i am very nice also but now idk i just hate myself and everything about me .Every day whenever i think aboyt this i cant help but cry and think there really isnt anything else i can do. Of course i have changed and wouldnt think of doing such a thing again but still the fact that i did it in the first place makes me want to die.

Ik its so selfish but i cant keeo thinking that he will do sm like this to me also and that ill get my karma. Does karma really even exist and how do i get myself to atop thinking this now i always suspect him of cheating and talking to other girls. Hes done sm similar to cheating to me but nothing on this level. What he did is nothing ckmpared to what i did.

And in the context of manifesting, should i manifest that none of this ever happened and for me to be a really nice person or shoukd i manifest that this completely gets erased from my memory or what?? This also messes up my manifestion so much i cant helo hut tell myself that i dont deserve good things as im a bad person . Please help. If youre not comfortable answering this then im sorry for wasting ur time

Hii love!

BABE CALM DOWN! I UNDERSTAND YOU!!

I totally understand you and your situation but I am here to help you and to remind you THAT YOU DIDN'T AND WILL NEVER DO ANY MISTAKES!

First of all, WHATEVER HAPPENS REMEMBER!

Don't EVER LOSE HOPE!! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO'S CREATING BOTH GOOD/BAD SITUATIONS THAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES!!

You are the MAIN CHARACTER! YOU NEVER FACE ANY PROBLEMS!!

And imo Idgaf to karma. I don't even consider it's real. BUT I WILL USE IT TO MY ADVANTAGE BY AFFIRMING THAT WHOEVER TRIES TO HARM ME IN ANY WAYS THEY WILL COMPLETELY FACE THE WORST.

I understand that you feel guilty about your activities! But! NEVER LET IT TAKE CONTROL OVER YOU! AND DON'T THINK YOU ARE BAD PERSON OR SOMETHING!!

You are limitless and you can do anything!

Until you don't hurt anyone in the name of manifestation, YOU ARE NEVER A BAD PERSON OR DOING ANY BAD!

⭐I will give you an example from my life!

My success in revising an embarrassing situation!

Once I did something very embarrassing like so embarrassing I just wanted to k!ll myself💀 but then I thought why should I do that to myself? I was born in this world to be happy and cherished 24/7! so I just affirmed robotically that NOTHING BAD HAPPENED AND I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT AND MY DP WHO WITNESSED THAT FORGETS IT TOO! (It was very tough for me too! The shit which I did kept popping up in my mind, BUT I DIDN'T GIVE MUCH ATTENTION TO THAT AND KEPT AFFIRMING!)

Well it just took me 1 day! One full day of robotic affirmations! LITERALLY THE VERY NEXT DAY EVEN I FORGOT AND MY DP TOTALLY FORGOT!! I WAS SO SO HAPPY!

Suggestion for you! 💕

I know it's so tough for you to affirm totally against of what happened, but trust me! JUST AFFIRM! YOU ARE SO POWERFUL LOVE! JUST REVISE SAYING,

"I never did anything bad and I am never guilty"

I AM BEING 1000000% SURE WHATEVER YOU WANT WILL HAPPEN. WHATEVER YOU WANTED TO CHANGE, WILL CHANGE! MORE LIKE, IT HAS ALREADY CHANGED !!

With lots of love,

ADILYNN YURI🤍🌷

[silverskye13]

I absolutely adore your writing style. You've mentioned being inspired by authors. Care to share which ones and/or some books you'd strongly recommend? I'm in a but of lurch on books I want to read right now and your writing style really scratches a certain itch so finding something similar would be lovely

I've answered this question a couple of times but! I will always answer again. I read a lot of books :3

I will warn you, I read a lot of epic/high fantasy. If that's not your thing, you probably won't like a lot of my recs, whoops.

This got really long I apologize. Once again. I read a lot.

T. Kingfisher

In my opinion, anything written by her is a win. Her World of the White Rat series of books are by far my favorite [Clocktaur Wars, Saint of Steel series, Swordheart], but she also writes very good horror, and her Sworn Soldier books are kickass.

She is a major inspiration for my writing style, especially internal thoughts and sense of humor. I try to emulate her way of having fantastic characters think and act on mundane things [i.e. a scary paladin man who gushes about knitting].

Blanket warning that all of her Temple of the White Rat books are romantasy, rated E for explicit. But as someone who normally hates [or just doesn't get / enjoy romance books] I still recommend them. The world is rich, some of them have intense horror and suspense moments, and the characters all have amazing dynamics and chemistry.

My favorites by her are: Paladin's Strength, Paladin's Faith, and What Moves the Dead

Nicholas Eames

Still on the style inspiration train. I really sat down and studied his use of description and character voice shortly before writing Redstone and Skulk. If you like how I handle descriptions, planting and worldbuilding, I recommend reading his work. I do a yearly reread of Kings of the Wyld, and while I didn't like Bloody Rose as much, it does an awesome breakdown of problematic heroes.

These books are rated R, for graphic depictions of violence and some pretty raunchy humor/language. The first book Kings of the Wyld has very light romance [unless you count Clay Cooper increasingly thinking about how awesome his wife is, or the group's barbarian falling in love with an avenging angel], but Bloody Rose does have a lesbian bard main character who falls in love with a kickass tattoo witch. I love them, your honor.

Terry Pratchett

I mean, yeah, everyone recommends Terry Pratchett, and if they don't, it's because they haven't read his books in a while and forgot to recommend him. I really like his Death books, and the Samuel Vimes books. For the standalones in Discworld, I also really, really liked Small Gods and Monstrous Regiment. If you like my style of optimistic storytelling [no matter how dark, there is always a happy ending] read his books. And if you like RnS's existentialism, the idea of struggling with, and against, death, read Morte and Reaper Man. Especially Reaper Man.

The Ranger's Apprentice Series by Jonathan Langan

YA fantasy at its finest! If you like how I handle character dynamics and ride-or-die friendships, you will like these books. I was reading these books a lot when I started really really writing in high school, and I didn't realize just how much they inspired my writing style until I reread them last year. Rated PG, maybe PG-13 in the later books when the characters are older and the stakes are a little higher. It's a fun low fantasy world set in Basically England, and it's just. Nice. Will and Horace are so dear to me.

Also apparently he is restarting? The series? Rebooting? New protagonists. I haven't read any of them yet but I am looking very interestedly.

--------------

More books in no particular order that I am recommending you read because I love them:

---------------

House of Open Wounds by Adrian Tchaikovsky

High fantasy, PG-13, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Religious Persecution, Fantasy Nazis

This is the second book in a series, but I couldn't get into the first book and only read this one, whoops. This book basically poses the question: what if Small Gods by Terry Pratchett, but the last man on earth who believes in God isn't as nice, and has some major character flaws, and also doesn't like God. Also also, what if this was set in Fantasy World War 2, and he was forced to work for the Nazis. This book is very grim, and focuses on a medical unit during Magical World War 2. There are a lot of wound descriptions and war crimes. But it made me feel a lot of things, and I was genuinely upset one of the characters stayed evil at the end of the book. There is no Good and Evil in this story, only Evil and Morally Gray. If that isn't your thing, give it a pass, and I mean that. There are Themes here that are made to make you uncomfy. But there is also found family, and some really strong questions about religion and morals, and the book really makes you Think about the character decisions. I liked it a lot.

The Tainted Cup by Robert Jackson Bennett

High fantasy mystery thriller, R, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Language

Oh it's good. It's so good. Holmes and Watson style mystery in a world where everyone has biological mutations and enhancements powered by Kaiju that rise up every year to try and murder everyone. It's really cool. I was hooked from beginning to end. The main character is amazing, with hilarious deadpan humor, and his Holmes is an eccentric autistic woman with zero filter. The "Rated R for Language" above is 98% because of her.

[Note: I'm not an authority on good autistic representation, but I feel like she stands out as really well done. It makes more sense in the context of the novel, but she's created a space for herself where things like noise/light sensitivity are used to her advantage, hyperfixations are portrayed both as useful to her craft in research and a hazard to the people she's interrogating, and she has managed to trick half the cast into thinking her "quirks" are because of augmentations she doesn't have. It was a really cool and original way of putting autism into a character without infantilizing or "unfeeling logical machine"-ing them in the process. If that's something you've been looking for representation-wise, I think this is worth checking out.]

Aside aside, the world building is cool. The characters are cool. They mystery makes sense. I just. I can't talk about this book too much or I'll tell you the whole story. I get too excited.

Aliens: Phalanx by Scott Sigler

Sci-fi horror, PG-13, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, Language

Ever wanted to get into the Aliens franchise but thought the sci-fi was a little much? Ever wanted to know how medieval peasants would handle a xenomorph invasion? Do I have the book for you!

This book is sci-fi horror that takes a turn for the vengeful at the end. Made me feel a lot of things. Got really emotional over some of the character deaths. But when the characters win, they win big, and their achievements feel weighty. You really get the sense of human tenacity clawing life back from the jaws of post-apocalypse. And also? Xenomorphs? Cool? If you've seen the movies, you'll really appreciate how this book takes the conventional tropes and spins them. And if you haven't, the story attacks them in an original way that explains it to the uninitiated. If you know nothing about the movies you will still know what's going on.

Penric's Demon by Lois McMaster Bujold

Fantasy adventure, PG-13, Minor depictions of violence, mystery/puzzle elements

Fun books? Fun books. Ever wondered what would happen if an uninitiated, but very kind and sweet 18 year old boy was possessed by an ancient demon with a great sense of humor and near limitless power? Now you know! Penric and his demon Desdemona have fantastic rapport, and every book in the series just further cements how awesome their relationship is. Fast little reads in a great little universe. And the gods are cool.

The Traitor Son Cycle by Miles Cameron

Epic fantasy, R, Graphic Depictions of Violence, major and minor character death, sexual themes, language

Gritty realistic knights -- fighting very unrealistic magical creatures. They're outmatched, but not out skilled! Especially with the Red Knight leading the way. These books had just, an awesome way of drawing me in. Cool world, interesting if flawed characters, and a growth arc that turns an entire company of criminals and mercenaries into basically paladins. Plus there is an awesome overarching plot involving god-like dragons and angels.

The only downsides to this series is there are a lot of characters and POVs, and the author is not afraid to kill them off at a moment's notice. Characters you've grown to love over three books will be killed off screen when a monster took flight, or a boglin hoard swarmed the front lines. I won't finish the final book in the series because I will be uh, incredibly pissed if one of my favorite characters dies, and I'm getting the vibes she probably will >:/

Alas, this is the nature of grim-dark fantasy.

Cameron has written other books under different pseudonyms, but to date this series is the only one that's really sunk its teeth in me.

Covenant of Steel Trilogy by Anthony Ryan

Low Fantasy, R, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major and minor character death, religious persecution, language, sexual assault

What happens when a criminal's entire crew is slaughtered for their crimes, and the only survivor turns into a religious zealot? No wait come back it's good I promise! The Pariah starts pretty grim and heavy. We reach our character's emotional low point about a third of the way through the first book, but what blooms from that is a slow burn about faith, and the danger of a Saint who gets to build her own radicalozed morality, rising on the tide of her faithful followers. It is all told in memoir format by the main character, before the final chapters where we get a sense of his here and now, which is a format that Ryan loves writing in [his Bloodsong series does this as well, and while that series is good, it's clear every fumble he made writing that he tried to fix writing CoS]. If I had to really pin this book down, I would have to say it's the story of Joan of Arc if she had actually succeeded in her crusades, and how dangerous she would have been because of the blindness of her followers and her own feelings of personal holiness. The main character even falls for her charms, heck, I as a reader fell for her charms. It was only after she started massacring "heretics" that I started to go, "Wait a fucking second, she's the antagonist???" If you like really intense stories about how insidious the side of "good" can be, and the terrors of religion, and just the epic slow burn of that building up and breaking down, give this a read. However, this is a very dark series. Read with caution and care. By the end I was very burnt out on all the death and atrocity.

Cold Storage by David Koepp

Thriller/horror, PG-13, Depictions of Violence, Fungi-based body horror, Language

Not nearly as intense of the last rec! Cold Storage is the story of a mutated mold spore that works just like that stuff that makes ants do weird things -- but to people! Oh and also it's about some really funny main characters that don't know it exists, even though it's growing right below their feet. A lighter read that will give you some good scares, and a pair of characters you're desperately rooting for. I love it :3 it's a fun romp. Mind the exploding deer.

Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells

Sci-fi, PG-13, Depictions of Violence, Language

Another fun romp! Murderbot is a security unit made to protect humans -- and it's hacked its programming and just wants to sit down and watch TV all day. Unfortunately, humans are very good at getting themselves killed, and SOMEONE has to keep them safe. At least Murderbot is programmed to do it correctly.

This story starts as fun sci-fi, and as the books progress, really breaks down the lines between human sentience and... Well, any other sentience. It asks hard questions about whether something Must be human in order to be accepted in a society, and how badly we as people want to fit everything into understandable boxes -- even if the things we want to understand don't fucking like it, thank you very much! There's a lot of fun action, a lot of characters that have really won my heart, and, man, I just want Murderbot to be happy.

The Blacktongue Thief by Christopher Buehlman

High fantasy, R, graphic depictions of violence, sexual assault, language, major character death

A thief accosts a knight on the road -- and ends up going on a road trip with her filled with witches, monsters, giant corvids, man-eating goblins, giants, and more! All to save a princess. This book really grew on me when I read it a second time. The magic system is cool, the world building is stellar, the goblins and giants are fucking scary. The character has a dirty mouth and his humor runs to the toilet a lot, so keep that in mind. This is by far the lightest and funniest book Buehlman has ever written though, so if you like it, brace yourself for grim dark if you read the rest of his work. Especially if you read Between Two Fires.

There's my book recs! Have fun!

[ratherembarrassing]

2024: weeks 36 through 38

here are some things i had thrown into a note

beetlejuice beetlejuice (2024). cute! enjoyable but not mindblowing, but representative of a the middle class of films that no longer exists and which i miss dearly.

corridors of power (bbc, 2024). i'm still making my way through it, but if you're excited by seeing formerly powerful people say absolutely batshit crazy things about the exercise of that power, this might be for you too.

maria abramovich's this or that for GQ germany.

and now: LONDON (a chronological series of happenings)

airplanes: still miserable. i do think that we need to rethink international airtravel, because 23 hours in a plane is just ridiculous. nonetheless, in keeping with tradition, i had a pretty good 8-9 hours sleep, which i measured by having hotd on and every few hours waking up to wonder what all the screaming was about.

immediately spent money on clothes: it could not be helped. i've been staying walking distance from brick lane and these things happen. now i own a levis jacket that's as old as i am that fits me perfectly, as god intended.

food: part 1. took my cousin, who is also in london on holiday rn, to dishoom, per literally everyone's recommendation. you were all entirely correct.

food: part 2. abuelo in marylebone, served me some vanilla fig jam on a plate of random other foods that was, without exaggeration, the most delicious thing i have ever eaten. i literally asked if i could buy a jar. i could not, and i will feel sad about this for the rest of my life.

punished for the crime of being interested in a crime: the british museum. the parthenon room was closed, so what even was the point. anyway, i was generally unimpressed, with some exceptions (who amongst us is not moved by the existence of the rosetta stone, also a very good prints and drawings exhibition). but also my god, would it kill them to install some aircon (a sentiment i have felt applies to almost everywhere i have been in london thus far)?

very far away: kingsmeadow. opening week for my beloved chelsea, i could have wept from happiness. sat next to a local woman and her husband who come every week and talk about the team like they are each girl's parents and biggest stans, and it was entirely perfect.

did i mention: CHAPPELL FUCKING ROAN. yes, i queued for like five hours. i was 68th in the priority queue, which is behind the vips but in front of everyone else. all i did to get in that queue was buy an o2 sim card for £20, which i needed anyway. it was fun, everyone made friends, you could come and go as you pleased and we all made sure everyone got their spot back even as we were repeatedly shuffled up the side street behind the brixton o2. it was nice and wholesome and exactly what you would expect from the 99% of people who aren't assholes and also into this lovely woman. the rest is just a blur of askldhjalsk. objectively, she's not the best performer going right now, the show's not overly produced beyond a set list of songs and a bit of banter, and absolutely none of that matters in the face of how quietly charismatic she is and the absolutely insane set of pipes she's got. it was fucking intense, man. zero regrets about the time and money (oh my god, the money) it took to make this happen, delighted to have corrected my grievous mistake of choosing not to go to her show in melbourne last year.

i don't think my insurance covers this: ebiking across north and east london. first attempt was, uh. ill conceived, and i will never recover from seeing my phone go flying in one direction into the street as i went skidding along in the wet, still in the bike lane. phone's fine, i'm fine, not sure why i decided today was the day to ride a bike for the first time in 15 years. second attempt went much better.

sportsball 2: this time bigger! like the absolute turncoat that i am, i also went to arsenal's opener at emirates with 40k other people. sat next to a woman with her 13 year old daughter who come every few months and who noted early on, pointedly, that it was unfortunate we weren't sitting on the other corner, where we would have been closer to the WAGs. love this mum for this kid.

food: part 3. i just ate the most delicious burger i've ever eaten, wtf???

coming up: i fought a battle with booking.com, and i won, and tomorrow i'm off down the south coast for a few days. LA's roads didn't kill me, but london's might.

[deathbxnny]

Hi there! I want to say tysm again for doing my Hsr MC x Genshin Impact MC s/o request. So i was rereading that post for the fourth time i think (i cant help but imagine cute and dorky stuff they would do together whenever i reread your post) and a thought popped up on what would it be like if the traveler are with the others. So can i request hcs of the rest of the Astral Express crew (Himeko, Welt, March, and Dan heng) x s/o like traveler from genshin impact

(Btw TYSM FOR YOUR SONG SUGGESTIONS, i went and play all the songs you suggest and DAMN YOU HAVE GREAT TASTE, i can honestly see myself listening to it on loop. Melanie Martinez hasnt lost her touch but then again there is no way she would, she’s too amazing. Rn im currently listening to the entire album after listening to your suggestions. I still prefer her older albums like Cry baby and k-12 but that may change with me listening to PORTALS, its too early to say but i might update on you about it

Also HI THERE FELLOW MARETU FAN! Its so nice to know there’s someone else who likes their songs as well (none of my friends like their songs T.T) What’s your favourite song from MARETU? Mine is Mind Brand, ITS SO GOOD AND IM PROUD TO SAY I LOVE IT) Hope you have a great day/night btw!

- Flower Anon 🌸

-----♡

A/N: Hello Flower Anon! Thank you so much for your request and I'm glad you liked my song suggestions! I'm also so happy to meet another MARETU fan! My favourite song of theirs is DEFINITELY "Magical doctor"! I listen to it all the time and am obsessed with it haha!<33

Content: Traveler reader, tiny bit of angst if you squint hard enough, confessions, mutual pinning(kinda), friends to lovers, fluff, sfw

Reader has no set pronouns!

((Not fully proofread))

-----♡

》March 7th

She instantly did her best to become your friend at first, when you arrived on the Astral Express. She was determined to be your guide and show you the ropes, so everyone let her do it, as you also seemed to trust her fairly quickly.

You two became inseparable quite fast and always spent time together on the Express or on missions. She comforted you, whenever you were sad about your twin and promised to help you find them eventually. Surely you could, if you did it together! Yeah... her crush was very obvious for absolutely everyone and it was honestly adorable. But it was alright, as you felt the same.

She's fiercely protective of you on the battlefield and always shields you first out of everyone. She doesn't let you get hurt no matter what, even if you can handle yourself. You two still need to find your twin together after all, so just let her help you.

-----♡

》Dan Heng

He didn't think much of you at first, until he read up more on you and your situation. And after also talking to you, he started sympathising with your situation deep down, which made him warm up to you alot over time.

Once he does, he let's you hang out with him alot in his room, where he tries finding something on your twin in the archives. Is his way of comforting you, as he indirectly promises you that he'll help you find your twin this way. He doesn't notice his growing feelings for you either, so you might have to confess first eventually.

He's very protective of you and always keeps his eyes on you one way or another. He doesn't let anything hurt you and has your back during any battles you may have. You can count on him to keep you safe that's for sure.

-----♡

》Himeko

Himeko was the one to allow you to stay and therefore quickly became the person you relied on the most. You were quite grateful, even if she didn't see it as a big deal. She always comforts you and reassures you that she'll help you find your twin with all the resources she has.

You spend most of your days with her in the Astral Express watching the stars and drinking tea. She's always so interested in everything you talk about and takes time off work you whenever you need it. It was no surprise therefore, when feelings eventually just flourished between you two.

She doesn't let you on missions without her and she rarely does them as is, so you won't ever be in harms way. She wants you to live a comfortable and peaceful life on the Express, free of any stress or worries.

-----♡

》Welt Yang

Welt understood how you felt and therefore offered to help you out with anything you may need. That also included comforting you, when you were devastated about your lost twin. He promised, to help you find them and actually has a high chance of achieving that.

You spend alot of time with him on the Express and missions, as he is very dependable and comforting to you. Any questions you may have are answered by him with ease, you could practically listen to him talk all day and you do, whenever he explains something to you. He'll be painfully aware of his feelings for you, but will only admit them to you, once he knows you feel the same.

You can rely on him during any battle to protect you. It doesn't matter if you can defend yourself or not, he'll keep an eye on you at all times. You definitely don't have to worry about anything, when he's around.

-----♡

A/N: I hope this was okay, Flower Anon! And I'm so sorry for the wait!<33

[pbpsbff]

happy 1 year of r&r :)

i know it's a lil cringe to like. celebrate the birthday of a series on ao3 but r&r is literally my child. my baby. i birthed this series. and you all signed up for this when u started reading my fics thank u

soooooooo thank u guys for all the support i've received over r&r i know it's hard to stay a consistent reader when my posting schedule is entirely non existent but i am so grateful for everyone who's stuck around this long and been with me for this journey (calling it a journey because a year ago i did not have any sort of overarching plot in mind and now we're 17? 18? fics deep and so many things have happened and i'm usually just as surprised as my readers) it's rlly u guys that have kept me going this long

ANYWAY. i rewrote this like 500 times cause i hate being like. overly sappy on this account because it's way funnier to act like a celebrity with a huge ego, but real talk i am so proud of everything i've done w this series & what it's become in the past year

i've been posting my writing online since i was like 10, so we're going on almost 9 years now and i don't think i've ever ever ever received as much support for something as i have for r&r and something about that is soooo special to me??? idk it's just so nice to see a completely self indulgent series become so loved by others, especially since the only other fics i had up before gmm&m were a little more on the "i'm gonna write what seems popular right now" side???

like shoutout to everyone who was here before/around when i started the series because my account was so empty like. 2 fics and one gets updated every 6 months. r&r pulled me out of the trench i fear. it also cured me of my very horrible disease that makes me delete all my fics after 9 months and then completely disappear from a fandom so everyone say thank you r&r

but yeah idk where i'm going with this i'm very grateful for r&r and all the friends i've made and people i've met through it because i was very lonely before i rejoined tumblr and r&r was like. 90% of the reason i made my account

AND SPEAKING OF FRIENDS. thank u to

@spidergrotto & @sapoteylx for being the first ppl i met on here to openly talk about and support r&r which i thought was so so cool even if you guys have become my haters in the past few months i've known you :/ thank u r&r nation u keep me humble and miserable (and i am very thankful for our friendship i think some aspects of r&r would be very different if we'd never met)

& ao3 user classactical because you've been here since like. a month or two into the series i think and i always always always look forward to your comments because i feel like if you comment, i did a good job on the fic LOL thank u for sticking around for so long, even if ao3 has been actively working against you for a whiiiiile

there's a lot more i want to say and a lot of people i want to mention but that would take a very long time and i always feel weird tagging a lot of people in posts so just know if u read r&r we are kissing rn. or high fiving idk whatever floats ur boat i guess

but yeah anyway tl:dr happy birthday r&r i'm very proud of this series & very thankful for everyone who has read any part of it ever u guys are so cool and hot and have amazing taste and i'm taking your kudos and bookmarks etc. as you swearing your allegiance to me and promising me your undying support no matter what (legally binding btw) thank u guys

[sugurugetos]

hi! again. 😊 Please excuse my bad explanation; I'm new to PS and still learning what things are called. My question was about how you manage to combine pngs images with gifs in such a cool way. As seen in this beautiful HOTD edit, for example. /post/698703305504882688/i-should-not-be-left-to-my-own-devices-anti-hero It would be awesome if you have time to explain how you do this for all of us newbies, but if not, I am thankful that you took the time to answer my ask. Best wishes. 😊

— hii no omg thanku for being so nice with your ask </333333 and i'm more than happy to share how i did it (that set was so long ago 😭 i don't have my hotd files rn but i'll just make do with an example)

this effect technically can be very simple to-do and all you need is a base background and a png to go on top! but if you want to recreate that effect exactly as it was in this set then prior to the png you need:

— two gifs, ready and coloured + blended together — a transparent png with a clean outline — basic knowledge of overlays (but really it's more of a learn-as-you-go thing so its fine 😭)

#1 — so first i wanted to find the png i was going to use. just search up ____ (whatever you're looking for) png transparent online and you should be able to find heaps of good, and free to use options! my go to site is nicepng but there are sooo many places you can look!!

what's important to remember is that for a cleaner result, you want to find a png with smooth outlines - aka nothing that is really rough or jagged in its edges.

so i chose this sun png and it has plenty of black space in it (as this will play a key role in how the colour shows through the png later) but it isn't a solid block of black either!

#2 — so i have my two gifs ready, coloured and blended with each other. remember that the gif choice underneath will also affect how the png's colours show through [whether the gif has a lot of pure white/black can really change the effect!]

#3 — so now i've just inserted the png onto the gif and you can position it anywhere you want on the canvas!

#4 — i'm not sure on the technicalities on why you need to do this (😭) but the png typically is black right, but you want to make it white so make sure to invert the png so it shows up white!! you can invert through adjustments or by pressing command + i or ctrl + i to do this!

#5 — now go to the blending mode of the png and set it to EXCLUSION. i think you can set it to difference as well but i'm no expert in that and i think they give the same result. your white png should turn sort of blue-ish translucent!! now we're ready to add colour <3

#6 — now right click/double click etc on the png and go to blending options here!

#7 — this is an optional step but if you want the outline of your png to appear a little more against the gif (say as the majority of the background in mine is mostly dark) then you can add a shadow to your liking! these are just my typical settings nowadays :D

#8 — head over to gradient overlay and choose a colour gradient that you would like! there are heaps of easy presets that i often default to (like plenty of blue/green/purple options) <3 and make SURE you set the blend mode of the gradient overlay to EITHER: — multiply (shows up pretty dark which can be useful at times!) — hard light (which shows up pretty bright, i'm going to use that in this gif because bright is what i need!) — colour (shows up more light/white and works well on lighter backgrounds imo)

#9 — finish up by adding your typography however you would like! i added the same gradient effect to 'SEVENTEEN' at the bottom of the text for a little more pop of colour!

and there you have it!!! that's your finished gif (or at least the same principle behind the hotd/anti hero set!) and here's the finished result <3 i hope this helps!!

i've gone through these similar steps in this tutorial as well! i learnt this from this great tutorial by @anya-chalotra 🧡

[t440]

Hello! I'm curious about the 24/7 aspect of your relationship. This might be a silly or weird question, but do you like. Still do fun stuff with your partner? Like, watching movies and sending eachother memes and stuff. Is there constantly an element of power imbalance during this time? Also, how have things changed between you two since you first agreed to a 24/7 contract? Please answer as much or as little as you feel comfortable with, including not answering at all. Please have a good evening!

so i am very sleepy rn but wanted to answer this bc it was a genuinely nice and well worded question. i may rb with more info in the morning :)

first off, not silly at all! ik a lot of people have similar questions and i am very happy to respond (within my comfort zone obviously). 24/7 is kind of strange from an outside point of view, bc so few people do it, so it makes sense

we still do fun stuff! we watch movies, send eachbother funny posts, play games, etc. but it’s always with the context that i am his little brother. or for other parts, different relationships, but still the same dom and sub relationship. he can do what he wants to me (within limits we have discussed!) whenever, and he does tell me what to do, but we still have a lot of fun. sometimes he plays toys with me :) and i enjoy being annoying to him in a bratty way, it’s a kind of fun that is hard to get outside of this!

to add a little context to why 24/7 is right for me: i have found in past relationships that i am a bit uncomfortable with switching in the dom/sub sense or of “turning off” the dynamic, bc on a personal level, i desire a level of… consistentcy? that can’t be attained without it. no shade to anyone who likes that!! just not for me- i am both into domming and subbing, but i would be uncomfortable doing both with the same person. similarily, idk if i would be truly fulfilled in a relationship where the d/s is not always a factor. which somewhat lead me here tbh! my big brother and i have the same power imbalance always, just in different forms, which makes my need for consistency/stability very happy

our relationship kind of evolves with who we are at the time, but honestly, being 24/7 just makes it way better for me. absolutely nothing but positive changes. it requires a lot of trust and work, but there’s nothing more fulfilling to me than being his ngl. we’ve also moved in together and have figured out how to navigate that, and living together makes a lot of stuff easier, including this. it’s very hard to have 24/7 online… not that it’s impossible, we did it! but it isn’t the same thing.

feel free to ask any more questions! i am not shy about this at all and i am very happy to share. & thanks for being so nice & respectful in asking, it made me happy. sniles :)

[pupkinpumpkin]

BOOM PART 2 OF MY LAVELLAN ALREADY BECAUSE I AM UNWELL

I took a lotta screenshots of her, but I don't have access to that computer rn, so take one of my old playthroughs of her before I changed her a little bit

So, Lavellan basically already learned how to deal with people depending on her and looking to her for everything from being The First, so the Herald of Andraste gig is still incredibly stressful, but she's used to it

I think inherently, she's a very goofy and sarcastic person, but she has just molded herself into being very diplomatic, so that mask slowly comes off as she becomes friends with everyone

She's 25-26 at the beginning of the game

Her eyes glow green anytime she uses the mark, which I really think adds to Trespasser with the anchor freaking out so much and there just being points where her eyes are green for minutes at a time and fully green by the end before her arm gets cut off

She never had alcohol before the Inquisition so she gets drunk very fast

Whenever she is blackout drunk, she gets really good at building or fixing things. Like, she could build accessories to Bianca levels of good. But only when she's blackout drunk.

Once, when drunk, she said that running her fingers through Cullen's hair felt like petting a baby Halla's fur, something which no one has ever let her or Cullen live down

Varric is the first one to make Lavellan laugh, Sera is the first one to make her snort laugh

Immediately after becoming Inquisitor, Lavellan asks Josephine and Vivienne to teach her about The Game and Fereldan politics

Sera is the first person Lavellan tells about not believing in the Elven gods

Lavellan had a panic attack during Wicked Hearts and Wicked Minds

I like to think that, since my Lavellan is scared of fire, whenever she defeats her first dragon, Iron Bull takes her out drinking not only to celebrate defeating a dragon, but to facing a really big phobia of hers and coming out alive

I purposely have Morrigan be the one to drink from the Well of Sorrows because my Inky has enough religious trauma. Can you imagine having heavy religious guilt over never believing in your religion and then having a bunch of old dead priests from that religion in your head constantly?

Lavellan's best friends are probably Cassandra, Dorian, Cole, and Josephine (Sera and Solas are close seconds)

Cassandra because Lavellan had a big gay crush on her originally which led her to get to know Cassandra better and become very close to her, of course not in the way she originally wanted, but still. They bond out of duty to the people and raise each other up to think about their own happiness for once. Also trashy romance books.

She knows Dorian's gay from minute one and the fact that he's so unwaveringly himself really makes her admire him for being something she could never manage to be. In Dorian's personal quest, there's an option to say that Dorian was very brave for being himself and taking no shit and I really think my Lavellan means that. She hid who she was for so long and being friends with Dorian really helped her walls go down and build her self-confidence. Like, early in the game when you recruit Dorian, I like to think that with everyone else she's very nice and mild-mannered, but whenever she's around Dorian, her real personality comes out which I think confuses some of the companions at first on why she's so different with him, and some see it as them being 'together' but really they both just get each other and their struggles implicitly

(also I love the head canon that Cullen purposely plays chess with Dorian to see what his and the Inquisitor's relationship is, it's so funny to imagine)

With Lavellan being very "I need to put everyone above me and never complain", I think having Cole around would stress her out because he can feel all her hurt she tries so desperately to hide, but she learns that he just wants to help and she often joins him or helps him help others. She eventually gets comfortable enough around him to open up, but I do think she makes him promise to never make her forget anything. Then of course, since I always make Cole human, I like to think she starts playing a more active role in helping him help others since he can no longer make people forget him.

I feel like Josie and Lavellan would just vent to each other a lot. They both need to vent so much and they both have had obligations pushed on them since they were young. Josephine's side quest really pulls them together

And then of course there's Cullen and Solas. So, I romance Cullen every time. I just like him a lot. But I started thinking narratively, and now I flirt with Solas for a bit, then immediately end it after Skyhold and go full in with Cullen. The reason I do it is all very soap-opera-y

So, my thinking is that Lavellan is so conditioned to do whatever her clan wants of her. She needs their approval. Solas is a male Elven mage who she really likes and gets along well with. On the surface level, he is exactly who her clan would want her to pursue. Elven. Male. So, she convinces herself that because she enjoys his company, she must like him because that's who her clan would want her to be with. And he likes her, so, she goes along with it.

And then there's Cullen. A human templar. Just like the rogue templars who killed her lover. Cruel and malicious and evil. But he's not. He's awkward and sweet and yes he's headstrong, but he genuinely wants to reform the Templar order and he's trying to better himself. She tries so goddamn hard not to like him because liking him would be saying no to her clan and she can't. Liking him would be moving past her trauma and looking forward and thinking about herself and her wants and she can't. But she also can't help herself from spending time with him and laughing at his jokes and getting flustered when he laughs at hers.

But as time goes on she feels so bad for flirting with Solas when she doesn't feel that way about him but she HAS to feel that way about him, doesn't she? Because just like with the Elven gods, something must be wrong with her if she doesn't like Solas. So after they find Skyhold and she's in the Fade with Solas. She has to test it. She has to kiss him to see if her feelings are real. So she does. And he kisses back. And it's a good kiss. But it's not right. It doesn't feel right. Then Solas also apparently says this isn't right, so once she wakes up and goes back to talk to him, they agree to end it (She tells him later of course why she flirted with him and apologizes profusely for it, she feels horrible about it for the rest of time, but they stay good friends because they genuinely enjoy each other's company).

But with Solas gone, that means that nothing except her own insecurities are holding her back from being with Cullen. And she is shaking when she asks Cullen to go on a walk with her and she is TERRIFIED when she admits how much she likes him, but god, nothing will ever compare to how she feels after he tells her he likes her too and they kiss. And she feels so...free. She made a decision for herself that wasn't tied to her clan's wants for once. They were 100% completely her own. And she loves it. And she loves him.

Anyway, that got a little fanficy. Basically once the Inquisition ends and she's with Cullen, she is the happiest she's ever been because she doesn't have to deal with politics anymore. She definitely gets stressed introducing Cullen to her clan, but if they don't accept him, they don't accept her, and she learns to be fine with that.

Also she has four kids and a dog with him. One warrior, two rogues (one who specializes in making prosthetics), and one mage, thank you and good night!

[sorryimananti-romantic]

i've been reading fanfictions and online novels for so many years (too many really) and for a very long time there was one common event or phenomena within the writing community that i never experienced myself: finding that ONE fictional novel that you will never let go, whose plot just will not leave your mind and you come back to reading it over and over again like you're a broken record.

most of my time in the recent weeks was spent commuting across country and when's a better time than to read fiction all by my lone self? trains, busses and bustling fading into the background and acting as a form of white noise. (blame it on growing up with ghibli)

tldr; i've picked up Horizon again lol

and i wanted to once again come here and extend all and every compliment towards you for writing (the entire series tbh!). it doesn't get old and it has once again sent me down an endless spiral of emotions even when i already know how it ends. how my adoration for the characters continue to grow is a mystery even to myself. and it's amazing how with every read-through, i find more and more clues and details to complete the bigger puzzle that i hadn't even picked up on during my first reads.

gotten so bad that i'll see the word Horizon, listen to the actual song Horizon and i can not stop myself from thinking about horizon!san and gaeul (also neve my baby).. google, can you be downbad for a fanfiction? asking for a friend.

getting lost in thoughts again and distracted by this universe, i have yet to bring up why i'm even writing this essay lol

after collecting my thoughts and my notes (and rambling a friend's ear off about the series and the universe and more..) i believe i have found that ONE fictional novel that i will never forget about and know will always end up coming back to - which is Horizon ♡

there's not much more to say other than just that, if i'm quite honest (otherwise we'd be here all night and i'm not willing to test if asks have a character limit lol)

but i do know that unless readers verbalize their thoughts and feelings for a piece of writing, the writer will never know the impact they might have had on someone else with something they wrote by themselves without expectations to reach such great distances and touch so many hearts (definitely mine). writers might be masterminds but even they can't read minds through a screen. (i hope..)

also as i am writing this, what a humorous coincidence that it's been exactly one year since the release of Horizon :') <33 happy one year ♡

all the hugs and kisses to you yumii 🩷 ○ chron

chron- 😭 first and foremost let me apologise bc i went to check if horizon really turned one year old today and foound your lovely feedback reblog that i. missed.???????? HOW DID I MISS THAT?? but also nice time discovering it bc after reading this ask and feeling some sort of way (emotional asf is what it is) i went on to read the reblog and i-

look, i'm really not an emotional person but i had to physically stop take a breather drink some water I DON'T CRY MUCH BUT THIS. THIS MAKES ME CRY 😭😭

and secondly, i love you so much 😭😭 your presence here and feedback and the encouragement and everything literally means so much to me you have no idea how good i'm feeling right now 😭 (be replying to the reblog on horizon soon btw i have no idea how i missed that gem)

i'm honestly beyond honoured. i don't know if you know but take me home/horizon lore is so so precious to me! it's literally my baby and i'm ngl i live in that lore. you'll catch me randomly thinking about it and coming with potential ideas for the future if i write another installment (honestly want to for every member one day) but horizon being that ficitonal novel for you? i'm clutching my heart rn 😭❤️

we're both ghibli kids hehe it's def been a solid influence on my imagination! ghibli movies were literally the first ones that i watched i'm glad my dad got me cds of them without having any idea what they were LMAO but the influence is there and i'm happy to find another ghibli enthusiast <3

and omgg finding more details on the sec read? ahaha that's lovely to hear :') i love how the fic horizon is now an additional with the song horizon for you hehe and neve, ugh. everyone's baby daddy neve :')

i'm honestly so thankful that you took the time to send this message, that you feel this way (and the reblog lord it's making me cry i'll reply to it soon too bc wow.) take me home was my first fic and i have no idea how i came up with the story (covid times, vacation, and first time worldbuilding was a dangerous combo lmao) and i honestly had zero plans for another installment in the lore but so many take me home san enthusiasts kept me engaged even long after take me home ended. thus horizon was born- i needed to do san justice after hinting that he and yena might have been sth.

horizon is my baby. i think horizon is one of my favs because i was ngl a big brain with how i extracted points from take me home to create the premise for horizon. like it's the most unplanned planned thing i've ever written? if that makes sense. i had a hard time coming up with twists but everytime i connected some event of horizon back to take me home i would literally evil smirk LMAO and i'm so glad you enjoyed it so much! it makes me feel proud that i wrote it 😭❤️

as you can tell i can talk about the lore forever. it was so fun to plan and write it and to find someone who appreciates it so much? literally in shambles rn. and to find this message and that reblog on the one year anniversary? god, i wish i could tell you how i'm feeling rn 😭❤️

again, thank you from the bottom of my heart! if i ever find the time to write another installment in that lore (idk if many will read it tho lmao but i could literally write another series for you) i think i'll def come to you for brainstorming :') i know the next one is going to be woo x darkling or yunho x some ice-user faerie (with more neve features bc they literally can't do this without him anymore LOL) and ahh i should stop writing now you're literally making me want to drop everything and start writing this ahaha

[charlottesbookclub]

Hello there!

I'm the main from @notfoundfootage , I came here to thank you for sharing your beautiful writing with us mere mortals! Your portrayal of Alistair is so good, you and @frodoshaggins do such an excellent job with this, my little heart be damned.

What do you think Alistair thinks of a partner/friend that wants to become a vampire?

Omg think about being buried in the woods with him !!!! Cuddling under a mossy tree !!!! Like lil turtles in winter!!!!

Meanwhile Carlisle is in the background happy that Alistair found a companion but questioning their life choices 🙂👍

hi my dear!! 💖

ahhhhhhhhh thank you sooooooo much for your super sweet words!!!!!! I am blushing, giggling, kicking my feet rn like this is so nice ahhhhh 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

honestly I'm having such a good time writing him (both in his historical timeline and in the modern one ☺️) and it was genuinely such a pleasant surprise to find people here who still wanted to read stuff for him! I mean, I think there's like 3-5 of us, but everyone's enthusiasm and kindness has made it feel like such a wonderful and welcoming community! team alistair is small but mighty I guess ☺️💕

okay also I was so excited about your question that I wrote maybe a bit too much, so I'm putting my answer to that under the cut! 🥰🥰

and omg my first official tumblr alistair meta question I'm so excited!!!!!! um okay so I think that if he were with someone who wanted to become a vampire, I think initially there would be a little bit of like "wait... you want... this??" and not in an angsty or religious-guilt way à la edward (and carlisle to a lesser extent) but in more of the sense that I think alistair is very.......... conflicted on vampirism as a concept. his transformation was hugely traumatic, and (at least in my interpretation of his character/backstory, which will eventually be addressed in "king of all birds" 😈) I think he lived for quite a while in confusion about what he actually was, which likely only furthered the trauma he was already experiencing. additionally, his entire vampire life has pretty much been lived in fear and on the run from various threats (both real and imagined), so it doesn't seem like he was exactly enjoying his time as a vampire

however, I think that at his core, alistair is a very practical person, and he realizes that being a vampire is the hand he's been dealt, so he just kinda.... goes with it?? I think he also realizes that in some ways, his transformation (and the events that occurred as a result of it) saved him from a lot of complications that were piling up in his human life, so there's also a strange sense of almost gratitude that further complicates his ideas on vampirism. also, in this scenario, it was him being a vampire that led to him finding his partner/friend, so there's also some gratitude that this very long life of isolation and fear finally led to something wonderful and good

but now that I've waxed poetic on alistair's complicated thoughts on vampirism (which was also not the question you asked, so I'm very sorry for going so far off course here 😭😅) I'm going to completely agree with @frodoshaggins assessment of this situation as they lay out in their sfw headcanons post (letter W) that alistair would end up changing his partner because he couldn't imagine living without them now that he knows how happy he can be (*cue "All I've Ever Known" from Hadestown*) 🥹🥹 so in the situation where his partner actually wanted to be changed, I do think he would experience a lot less stress over it, since he would come to the conclusion that he needed to do it eventually anyway 💕

and omg yes once they are both vampires they will ABSOLUTELY be sleeping in the moss!!!!! so frickin cuuuuute 🥹🥹 or like a nice little hollow tree covered in ferns??? top tier snuggle spots for alistair and his vampire partner 🥰🥰

and lmaooooooo carlisle and all the more "human-ish" vampires being like "uhhhhhh okay I guess" I'm WEEPING 😆😆 alistair and his partner visit just like covered in little bits of moss and lichens and esme is like "carlisle they are ruining my clean house why tf did you invite them??" and carlisle is just like "sorry babe I genuinely did not think that finding a partner would make alistair more weird but here we are I guess" 😆😆

okay, now that I've written a full novel here, I'm so sorry this got so long! 😭😭 I am clearly Not Normal™️ about this man

but thank you so much again for this absolutely lovely ask, and feel free to pop back into the ol' inbox anytime, I'm always excited to talk about alistair or anything else!!!! ☺️💕🥰💖

[crystallinestars]

Hello! I stumbled upon your blog (I dunno still pretty new to tumblr despite being here for years. I don't interact much >_<) while gobbling up the Avenstelle buffet here in tumblr <3.

Anyways. I read the anons asks and your response and omygosh…I've never felt such a relief to find people who shares the same sentiments T_T. Especially the ones with Kaveh and Alhaitham? Gosh. I've never felt so validated about my feelings. Let me get started with Alhaitham.

Okay so in gacha games, (wuwa, hsr, gi, ak, r1999, etc.), I'm a husbando collector. I love collecting the men because they're hot and my eyes love them lol. So…essentially, I also pulled for Alhaitham. I loved him so much, like his personality, his design…I'm smitten. But after how I am bombarded with haikaveh shipping almost every socmed I go, twt mostly, I began to loathe it. Like, I don't really care about shipping. The shipping I only liked is Avenstelle in hsr, yet the incessant shoving of Haikaveh as canon to my face, even though they are not really canonized, just turned me off with Alhaitham, and subsequently, Kaveh as well even though I wanna love him too :(.

It makes me sad that the fandom pushes the only "correct way" to see this characters. How about us, who just wants to have some pixel husbandos for ourselves (lol sorry for the self insert). Kaveh also looks nice and he seems nice and I wanna love him too seeing as we are of the same profession (I'm an architecture student, hopefully passing our thesis and graduating next year!). I am also still on a mission of finding his mom in Fontaine rn (still waiting, hoyo, still waiting…)

Anyways, I am truly glad to see the same sentiments and knowing that I am not alone in noticing this toxicity happening in the fandom coz, what happened to platonic relationships? I dunno, but I really wanna see a heartmelting one and not a shipping one. Aaa I rambled too much haven't I? I'm nervous since this is my first asks. But I just wanna say that you made me feel safe and my heart is overjoyed. Thank you so much. <3 I'm gonna go for now because it's 12:51 am in my country and I need to sleep hahaha! Have a great day!

(Ah, may I please be 🌊 anon? Thankiees!)

Hello 🌊 anon! Thank you for working up the courage and taking the time to write to me. It made me so happy to read that my discussions with other anons made you feel safe. You are definitely not alone in feeling ostracized by the loud portion of fandom. And oh my gosh, you're an architecture student?! That's so cool! Good luck on passing your thesis!

I completely relate to your feeling of losing the love you had for a character due to their popular ship. I'm a Kaveh girlie, but I also like Alhaitham quite a lot since he's a very interesting and relatable character. Unfortunately, the prominence of haikaveh on every social media I visit, and the obnoxious claims of shippers that they're undoubtedly canon, tainted my view of him. I want to love Haitham, but some days it can be hard because seeing him triggers some negative feelings, though I try to push them down. I didn't care for the ship originally, but the behaviours of it's shippers really ruined my perception of it and BL as a whole.

It's only natural you feel that way since so much of the fandom looks down on self-shipping and gatekeeps characters from us. The way Mihoyo handles Haitham and Kaveh in particular doesn't help the situation for yumejoshi, which makes it feel worse.

The only way I find I can have fun is to block and mute all accounts who support the ships I don't like, and peacefully enjoy the content I like. Don't look at comments or the character tags for the sake of your mental health. It sucks that you have to restrict yourself so heavily, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to keep yourself happy.

If you want to find more people with similar sentiments, feel free to join my discord group! There are lots of people who share your views (and who love Alhaitham), and we also have discussions about fandom and characters, and share fanart and fics. It's a bit like a support group for those of us terrorized by the toxicity of fandom. If you don't want to join, that's perfectly fine. No pressure.

I'm glad you found me, though I'm really curious how that happened lol I don't post any Avenstelle here (though my twt is basically pure Avenstelle and Kavehlumi), so it's a wonder how you found my blog by browsing Avenstelle posts. Regardless, welcome! I'm happy to have you here 😊