#which ultimately helps him heal from something or grow in a certain better direction
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kanansdume · 2 years ago
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The Mandalorian switched from writing a story following the arc of Ice Age (2002) to writing a story following the arc of Shazam (2019) in-between seasons 2 and 3, and this is why a perfectly satisfying ending to a two season miniseries got ruined.
#the mandalorian#din djarin#grogu#something something if they wanted a huge mandalore-centric storyline this is what tbobf should've been#tbobf shouldn't have been mando chapter 2.5#it should've been the second book in a duology#look they could've done one or the other#a beautiful story where grogu is desperately searching for the jedi to the exclusion of all other connections and it's HURTING HIM#it's hurting to not be able to let go of this desperate desire to find a family that may or may not even be out there anymore#and ultimately his connections to din allow him to heal enough that he recognizes being a jedi is no longer the right path for him#he goes to luke and it's just.... not the way he thought it would be and THAT'S OKAY#OR#you do a beautiful story where din finds a lost child and bonds with it as he works to return the child to their family#and din builds up more connections along the way via having to help this child#which ultimately helps him heal from something or grow in a certain better direction#but he always is going to let the child go at the end because keeping the child was NEVER THE POINT#but we started with one arc and ended it and then suddenly pivoted into another one so we could just keep it going#so that lovely satisfying ending just... went away#like it never existed#but it wasn't grogu's story to begin with#it was din's#just like ice age wasn't actually about the baby at all#it was about manny#whereas in shazam the story isn't about billy's mother it's about BILLY#mandalorian isn't grogu's story so there's nowhere for him to go now that he's not with the jedi#it's DIN'S STORY but grogu's part in it is over so he's just a money making accessory at this point
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depressedhatakekakashi · 6 months ago
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I have a question about Hiroki. When he came back to life as a god, why did he not seek out his Rogue papa/ try to help the rebelion as well like Kakashi and Yamato were? Was it because it because he was too young of a god/ didn't know how to use his powers? Was he told he was not allowed to interfere and watched over by another god to make sure he would not give special treatment? As a new god himself, did he not have the power to interact with mortals yet since his worship circle was so small (I heard some gods get their power from direct worship. So without regular worship/ tribute, they can't really do anything.)
Just thinking it must have been devestating to see his papa grow up in such a horrible time, as well as his home continuously go downward, while being forced to sit on the sidelines and unable to help. Especially after Gai's dads were killed and then at the end when he's executed.
Honestly there’s not much for Hiroki to do.
He’s the god of Children’s medicine/healing. The inly way he’s really rolling up is if Gai’s son is sick and in need of healing. Gai can’t go to the village to have his son seen by a doctor. It would be too much risk
It’s only in those moments that Hiroki would make an appearance and it’s for a few reasons
He has no other reason to be there other than sentimental which is something he doesn’t want to dwell on. Like Nakano he’d rather not open himself up to more hurt.
Even the gods who are there arn’t actively doing anything. Like if Kakashi had a choice he would save Gai, but the gods have restrictions to how much they can meddle. Especially after Madara and Gai’s fight. Hashirama and Mito put in a LOT more rules about interacting with Mortals. Yamato is providing shelter which involves him mostly just making sure the royal knights get lost af whenever they enter the forest looking for Gai’s gang. Kakashi is mostly there for moral support and slight suggestions on how to better tackle certain situations. Hiroki is like his Papa and would want to be hands on helping and that’s not really allowed
That being said, him showing up to heal Lee and other children who may be in the ranks of Gai’s group for whatever reason (children they saved from a raid on the orphanage, or maybe they’re building a little hideaway in the forest for people who escape the village, just for them to stay until they take down the corrupt royalty) would probably be the major start to him being worshipped
As you said he’s not well known outside of being a demi-god like person who ultimately died but did a lot of good for the village
But if he shows up a few times to heal sick kids and help them get better it would become more well known that he’s actually a god now, which would start to spread and would open up to the royal family deciding to honour him even more in a show of ‘good faith’ which could be the ultimate reason they decide to built their statue of him, while the villagers have already had a long standing statue of him that they created themselves
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sailormoonandme · 4 years ago
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Usagi’s Evolution as a Healer Goddess
The other day I saw a post discussing the evolution of Usagi’s fuku and it occurred to me how Eternal Sailor Moon’s costume was her first Senshi uniform to ditch the tiara. 
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That in turn led me to consider how that kind of makes Usagi weaker as it removes a very useful weapon for her. After all, if you include the movies, Usagi uses some variant of Moon Tiara Action in practically every season prior to Stars.
However, dwelling more upon it I realized how this tiny change was all too appropriate for Usagi’s character development.
Firstly, by supplanting the Tiara with her Moon planetary symbol, Eternal Sailor Moon more closely resembles both Queen Serenity, her own Princess Serenity form and her future self as Neo-Queen Serenity. 
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Since all three are objectively more powerful than Usagi typically is as Sailor Moon I think the change emphasises how she has ‘levelled up’ in her Eternal form. When combined with the angel wings, Eternal Sailor Moon shifts Usagi visually closer to her future self as NQS, which in the anime is implied to be her most powerful incarnation.* It is almost as though the visual was communicating that the Divine Miracle Magic that she’d previously drawn upon as Princess Serenity in Classic-SuperS had now become ingrained in her standard Senshi form and thus was more accessible to her. 
It was in thinking of her previous efforts as Princess Serenity that I inevitably recalled her duel with Metalia/Beryl in episode 46 and realized that Eternal Sailor Moon was the first time since Classic that Usagi’s default attack was a healing  technique not a destructive one. 
Moon Healing Escalation was Usagi’s first healing technique but until Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss (and it’s later upgrade, Silver Moon Crystal Power Kiss) it was also her only healing technique. 
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Between regaining healing techniques and ditching her tiara/other destructive attacks/weapons, I think this represents her subtle growth in both her power and status. After all, it is a sad fact of life that it is easier to destroy something rather than fix it, thereby making the latter far more impressive.**
This skewing towards healing power rather than destructive power is also (arguably) thematically appropriate given the nature of Sailor Moon as a female power fantasy as (rightly or wrongly) the act of healing is typically coded as feminine. 
We can even take this further by examining things from the ‘opposite direction’ as it were.
Consider that in the climactic final episodes of Sailor Stars, Eternal Sailor Moon’s healing technique actually fails her when used against Galaxia. In later episodes, upon adopting her Princess Serenity form (complete with larger and more obviously angelic wings), she uses a sword to duel Galaxia.
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Obviously a sword is, at least predominantly, an offensive weapon and can therefore be viewed as symbolic of aggression; let’s leave any Freudian or gendered interpretations alone for today. Her use of the sword is highly uncharacteristic (in the anime). Even her explicitly offencive weapons (like the Cutie Moon Rod or Spiral Moon Heart Rod) weren’t as clearly aggressive nor obviously violent. Desperate times calling for desperate measures? Perhaps, but we might also speculate it was her subconsciously reacting to grief. Not only can grief make you act in ways you wouldn’t normally, but a sword after all was a weapon wielded by her lover in his Prince Endymion incarnation. Her lover whom Usagi had just learned Galaxia had murdered. In other words, amidst her grief she reacts by going too hard in the other direction after healing her enemy proves ineffective.
However, when all is said and done the sword fails her.*** Ultimately is simply escalates the conflict by prompting Galaxia to become Chaos Galaxia and thereby make Usagi’s chances of victory all the slimmer. If we wished to stretch things, you could perhaps say that this is a commentary about how war and violence ultimately begets yet more war and violence.
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Even if that is an over extrapolation though, it still served to emphasis the point that a sword is not befitting of Usagi, that she was doomed to lose if she continued to battle with destroying her enemy as the end goal.
In fact, her road to real victory begins when she not doesn’t attack Galaxia but makes it easier for herself to be attacked. In the end, Usagi doesn’t confront her most powerful enemy as the God-Queen of the future, the demi-goddess Princess of the distant past, the sailor-suited soldier of love and justice in the present, nor even a humble school girl.
She does it by literally stripping herself of all those things, of stripping herself of everything in fact.
Her weapons? Gone.
Her other items, like her Tiare? Gone.
Her comrades? Gone, and they’d be powerless against Galaxia anyway.
And finally, even her clothes? Gone!
Beyond the Silver Crystal (an outward visualization of her heart/soul) and the angel wings (symbolic of her role as a saviour) she is completely (but tastefully) naked.
Usagi visually and quite literally is more vulnerable  than she’s ever been, even more so than on her first night as Sailor Moon.
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And yet this is Usagi at her actual most powerful.
It is her distilled to her absolute essence as a person, all other trappings removed. She’d just one person showing another they will categorically not harm them, that they bear them no malice and they have nothing to hide. That openness and compassion is what ultimately enables her to connect to the good within Galaxia and pull her away from the darkness that had corrupted her.
Usagi in this moment completely fulfilled her character arc.
·      In the Dark Kingdom arc Usagi destroys (or seals away depending upon your POV) Beryl/Metalia.
·      In the Hell Tree arc, Usagi resolves the over all plot via a healing technique (although it is functionally similar to a destructive attack). However, that only happens because the Hell Tree both instructs Usagi to do that and because it lets her. It is the equivalent of a sickly doctor instructing a nurse on what to do to make them better. The nurse might have the power but their agency as a healer is limited.
·      In the Black Moon arc, Usagi, with help, destroys Wiseman/Death Phantom. 
·      In the Death Busters arc, Usagi does save Hotaru and ‘purify’ her. However, like the Hell Tree, that was something Hotaru wanted. Additionally, her purification functioned as a way to heal the body of someone sick and who wanted to sacrifice themselves, not someone actually evil. The evil in question was Pharaoh 90 and it is presumed that Usagi destroyed him (although it might’ve been Hotaru or the pair of them together). 
·      Forgive me for skipping the Dead Moon Circus arc as Chibiusa is the real protagonist there, and Usagi’s role is chiefly as a rescuer. It therefore doesn’t really apply, although the Nehelenia mini-arc from Stars is a different story. There, Usagi was a healer again, but she did it with the help of her loved ones and with the aid of her Tiare device. Nevertheless, we can see by this point Usagi’s capacity as a healer heroine had been gradually growing until we get to the battle with Galaxia.
By the end of series, Usagi has successfully healed Galaxia and it is neither with the aid of her comrades, nor with the power of a weapon or device, nor with any instructions from her ‘patient’ or any other third party.
Additionally, Galaxia (unlike Hotaru) wasn’t someone’s who was saved from a noble self-sacrifice or had a physical ailment that needs to be addressed. In Galaxia’s case, her very soul had lost it’s way and become corrupted. She had lost who she was supposed to be and her purpose in life had been perverted.****
When combined with how powerful Galaxia always was, how Chaos and the Star Seeds empowered her further, Usagi’s victory here cannot be understated.
Her ‘patient’ was more powerful than all her other adversaries, was in need of more healing than her other ‘patients’ and was more resistant to being healed. Not to mention, since she’d directly murdered her beloved friends (and indirectly aborted her future daughter), Usagi would’ve been forgiven for not  even trying to salvage Galaxia 
And yet, with no weapons, no backup and just the power of her heart and soul basically, Usagi succeeded. 
After Stars the idea that Usagi could heal the entire planet after a global catastrophe and reshape it into a fairy tale crystalline utopia was all too believable.
What’s healing one planet when her ability to empathise had already healed a whole galaxy?
Who needs a tiara to reduce evil to dust when you can simply convince evil to be good?
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*This is arguably symbolized by baby Hotaru’s vision of NQS transforming into Eternal Sailor Moon in episode 1 of Stars.
In fact, we might argue that a low-key subplot running through all of Stars (both the Nehelenia and Galaxia portions of it) is gradually transitioning Usagi closer to the person she is destined to become as Neo-Queen Serenity, hence why the first episode features the most explicit reference to her fate as Queen since R. 
**Personally I am an atheist, but nevertheless I and others like me can grasp why  deities in most major religions through history weren’t simply capable of mass scale destruction, but also of essentially manipulating reality to create  things too.
By that same token, it’s little surprise that perhaps the widest spread religious figure in history was Jesus Christ who rarely (if ever) engaged in aggression or destructive acts, predominantly employing divine healing powers.
I suspect the attraction of such figures to human beings lies in the fact that on some level we know that, given the right time and resources, we mere mortals would be capable of destroying anything. Given time it’s all but certain we will develop the technology to even destroy planetary bodies. On the flipside, I think we also intuitively grasp that  reversing  such damage, of reattaching a limb, of stanching bleeding, etc, is far more difficult if not impossible. Hence we attributed the ability to do such things to larger than life Divine Entities.
*** Now that I think of it, it’s also poignant that Usagi tries and fails to defeat Galaxia with a sword when we take Sailor Uranus into consideration. 
Uranus is of course associated with her weapon, the Space Sword and, like Usagi, tried and failed to use such a weapon against Galaxia.
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Giving Uranus a sword is symbolically appropriate given her role as the leader of the more aggressive branch of the Sailor Team. Having her fail against Galaxia and Usagi consequently fail by in some way ‘mimicking her tactics’ is equally symbolically appropriate. Not only because of their ideological conflict in Sailor Moon S but also their tensions in Sailor Stars itself. In both situations Usagi’s more open, less aggressive, ideology was ultimately proven correct. 
Thus in using a sword against Galaxia it represented how Usagi was always doomed to fail by taking the aggressive/destructive route and how she was arguably not being true to herself in that moment. 
****It’s not to dissimilar to Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker now that I think about it. 
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ganymedesclock · 3 years ago
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I wanted to ask you a voltron question, cause i know you used to be really into the show. But you don't have to, if you've moved onto other interests. But if you're willing to answer, how do you think the show handled the topic of trauma, especially when it comes to war and near-death experiences? The heroes tended to act like they were fine most of the time, as if they weren't in a really stressful, terrifying situation for a very long time.
I'm going to answer this in a way that's more general rather than specific to Voltron, but I think it is relevant.
I think two things are simultaneously true:
1. there are many action shows, VLD among them, which do not focus exhaustively on War Trauma.
2. there are many instances in fandom, VLD's among them, which somewhat obsessively over-focus on the idea of characters in trauma.
I think VLD doesn't shy away from, gloss over, or ignore, the difficulties of war. If anything, it is rather effective in being a war show, considering that it's also an action show for kids. A huge amount of Shiro's character (especially his clone self from s3-onward, who is retraumatized) depicts his relationship with trauma and how he handles this unhealthily by trying to be there for everybody to the point it takes him a painfully long time to start asking for help in s5- long after it's obvious something is incredibly wrong. There are also more subtle transitions in the story- you can tell that while Lance remains a character who loves attention and the spotlight, he rapidly shifts in how he views heroism. Early on he is characterized as a person who makes bad decisions simply because they are more glamorous (crashing the shuttle by not listening to Hunk or Pidge; taking Nyma for a ride)- by s2 he has settled into a more precise and intense sniper mentality.
I think to a degree the VLD fandom doesn't give the paladins enough credit- yes they're young, maybe a bit improbably young to people not in the target demographic- but they were all basically either students at or graduates of military school, with the exception of Allura who also clearly had combat training. These guys weren't fighting in life or death situations, but of them, Pidge is the one who is probably the most shocked to find the going getting hard, and her bitterness, frustration, and ultimately resolve also factor in here.
We see in canon that whenever someone's in the healing pod, the entire rest of the team camps around them until they wake up. This is framed as a happy, reassuring moment, but it also shows us these guys are pulling closer in the face of grief and loss. They lash out at each other. They get angry. Stresses are afoot here.
But also, it's very clear their happier behavior has a point- s2e5, Eye Of The Storm, says this about as plainly as it possibly can: the entire team is exhausted and run ragged and everybody starts wandering off to do various pastimes, more or less successfully. The point isn't that they're unfazed by what's happening- it's that they're coping.
People have extremely complicated and varied ways of dealing with stress, and, developmentally speaking, we're generally designed to put out whatever efforts we can to make things work. And I think it's ultimately a matter of personal taste if you think VLD doesn't dig into it enough, but I think that it's also the nature of fanfic, both for better and for worse, to dig way more into characters' emotional states (to the point that there are many fics- including some very beautiful fics, that I have greatly enjoyed- where the entire point is just a psychological deep-trawl of what this person is feeling at this point)
And to a certain flatly utilitarian degree, I mean, what's the alternative? We aren't turning on a colorful action cartoon looking for a long period of introspection, anxiety, and despair as our likable heroes break down under the millstone of what they're doing. That's just plain not what this show was built for. If we hunger for that, it's something we should look elsewhere for- or accept that it's not canon's flavor and make a fanwork pivoting it in that direction. As-is, canon- and things seeking to emulate canon's take on these characters- can explore more the things rattling under the surface and problems that might need to be unraveled in years to come after the series ends, while still depicting that ultimately, these guys kept going.
It's a complex dance the human psyche plays with grueling, overwhelming contexts like war. And while it may be naive to suggest you can just step lively enough to come out fine- or that any of these characters ended the story the same way they started... I've never really felt that's what VLD was going for, narratively? Their conflict is not depicted as just a fun jaunt through space. It's hard on them. But they pull together, and they grow and change, and they come out mostly okay, because it is a largely optimistic work.
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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 4 years ago
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[SPOILERS FOR LEO’S ROUTE❗️] okay so i just got to the bit after leo reveals what he is, and mc and comte are talking on the balcony & comte offers to turn her into a vampire if she would like. obviously mc declines but i guess my question is, how do you think leonardo would react if mc DID agree to that offer? i am enjoying his route, but i kinda get the feeling he mostly/only loves mc because she is human :/ im interested abt what might happen if she didn’t say no? thank you v much💖💖ly lots
Aww, ily3 hun tyty 💕💕💕I’ll offer my thoughts below, I hope I can answer your questions to satisfaction! 
Ah yes, the point in Leo's route where I essentially get shot in the leg and limp through my walk of shame
Jk jk, but I think there has been a considerable degree of displeasure associated with Leonardo's line in the proverbial sand. No life with him can be spent as a vampire, MC must remain human. Despite his easygoing nature, he remains stalwart in his opposition no matter what the MC or Comte has to say. To summarize it quickly, Comte’s relieved exasperation at the end of Leo’s MS gets more across than I think any of my analysis can convey “Thank heavens one of you has good sense.” It offers the implication that he has tried to broach the topic with Leonardo out of concern, only to be met by a brick wall--or doesn’t try at all for fear that he’ll only ensconce Leonardo further into rejecting a greater future for him and MC.
As to how he would react I......really don’t think it would go well? Only because I think it would serve to reinforce the rifts that already exist in Leonardo’s self-perception. He would believe it was his own fault for pushing her in that direction, and while I don’t think he would hate Comte, he would definitely become estranged from one of his only close friends in life. (What GUTS ME about Comte offering to turn MC is that he is probably well aware Leo might beat the shit out of him, never talk to him again, or both--and he still fully accepts that he could lose his best friend to guarantee a future for both of them. Excuse me while I bawl in the corner) He probably wouldn’t hold it against Comte for too long, but he wouldn’t be any less aggrieved and hurt. And when Leonardo is vulnerable, he will hide and nurse his wounds until he can behave with some level of calm--or at the very least until he can pretend he’s okay after an initial explosion. He doesn’t feel comfortable troubling people with his own problems, so he tends to fall into silence when personal things come up. This doesn’t necessarily mean he resolves all of his emotional turmoil, or heals that fast; it only means that he wallows in those feelings alone unless they’re tugged out of him and worked through forcibly.
Basically, I see only one of two possibilities coming to fruition. The first is that he and MC would wobble only to completely fall apart if some kind of resolution could never be found. He’d continue to blame himself and start sabotaging his own happiness, and that would likely mean some level of selfishness directed at MC--resulting in anguish for the both of them. If MC takes on too much without complaint or Leonardo goes too far...I get the feeling that relationship would either end in shambles immediately, or result in a kind of twisted union in which both feel responsible for the other’s hurt but neither one can relieve it (until they’d be forced to split up before someone gets seriously hurt). They would be the source of each other’s suffering, so much so that the walls climbing between them might never again lower. 
This might sound odd, but if there’s one thing that Leonardo needs it’s control when it comes to his relationships with others. It is a subtle, but acute trait that might not seem obvious knowing his magnanimous disposition. He decides if MC gets to be a vampire, he bargains with Sebastian because he refuses to be a test subject, he refuses to validate Comte’s conclusions (despite knowing he’s right) because he doesn’t want to cede the power silence/smokescreens offer his emotional vulnerabilities. Even around villains like Shakespeare and the final serial killer, pay close attention. Shakespeare begins revealing deeply personal information and wishes that Leonardo holds close to his heart on purpose, snatching Leonardo’s agency and ability to control how his feelings are being conveyed. How does Leonardo respond? With explosive, forbidding anger--instantaneous and barely contained, nothing at all like his breezy attitude and calm.
If you think about it, it’s a fairly obvious extension of the humiliating powerlessness by which he was raised (he needs to be in control; he needs to be the one who decides who gets to walk away and who doesn’t. He doesn’t come on to MC because he wants to, he does it for the sole purpose of scaring her out of wanting to be a vampire. He doesn’t even attempt to explain where he’s coming from because he falls into whole-scale panic. When he loses control of the trajectory of others--of how they perceive certain things about him--all of his charisma fails him. If he can’t explain or justify where he is mentally, when he’s too afraid they won’t hear him or care, then he needs to redirect the opposing party). Additionally, he feels responsible; that he can better adjust the outcome with his experience--and while that may be true for some things, sometimes he gets ahead of himself. Only an individual can decide their own future and their own happiness, the most others can do is enhance or worsen aspects of life. He doesn’t have enough faith that his presence is positive or worthwhile enough to guarantee his spouse’s happiness ;-;
The other possibility I see is MC coaxing him as best she can into reassurance that she’s happy with her new life. While he may have doubts, there is absolutely room for her to help him approach those fears little by little. If Leonardo has even a hint of doubt in regards to his dismal feelings about her being turned, a potential for acceptance may be nurtured. I don’t think his uncertainty would ever fully vanish; there will always be a lurking fear that a fate tied to his can only mean suffering and disappointment. Prove his worth and compassion with time, and this man will be unable to remember how life was lived before her. It would take a great deal of patience and a sizable obstacle, but it wouldn’t be impossible. His heart is much too big for that, I think.
I don’t think happiness with a turned MC is impossible, only that it would take a lot of work to swing it after a heated moment of decision. I think the way to go with Leonardo is a more enduring effort. He shows much more receptivity after years of being together. I think time, ironically, helps him relax into the possibility of forever as a couple. I think he cannot conceptualize a world in which he is in love, and that this love is not conditional--not dependent on his ability to be the perfect companion, the brilliant inventor, the equanimous mentor. I think he needs to see for himself that love can be gentle and real and whole even when he’s at his worst (by his self-perception). 
Also I put some extra meta under the cut because I have brainworms and just can’t stop thinking about Leonardo rn so read if you like, but it’s more related to why he feels this way abt turning MC than necessarily about the outcome. 
That being said, I'm conflicted because I don't necessarily think Leonardo only loves MC because she's human? (Rather, I think it’s more a result of his history and the values he’s developed in response to that upbringing. But I’ll loop back to this in a bit, so stay tuned)
I say this for two reasons. Firstly, I don't want to say that no person in this period shared his values (I mean look at Comte)--this would be an overstatement, even if it was rare. But it does appear that Comte and Leonardo are acute exceptions within vampire society in elevating human beings to an equal status among vampires (if not a higher status at points or depending on the person). As such, a vampire partner he’d be comfortable living with is unlikely. Human beings are more optimal in some regards (more adaptable and more egalitarian than vampires, most likely), but he also knows that he’s more susceptible to falling in love with a human; so he makes sure to squash his feelings or remove himself when his feelings become too intense. 
Secondly, he's in close quarters with MC by necessity, and reacts to her isolation by virtue of the situation. That's probably half the reason they get together at all; he was fully intending to keep his distance despite his initial curiosity. One thing this signals to me is that even when Leonardo did feel attraction to any person he was in contact with, he would avoid them until they were removed from his presence--or he deflected their romantic approaches enough times for them to give up. With this in mind, it can come as no surprise that Leonardo has kept to himself for nearly five hundred years now. If it was another vampire hitting on him (especially a pureblood), he would be playing into his parents' expectations and would approach the vampire social hierarchy he was working so hard to escape. If they were human, he would deem himself a burden; he could never love them within the normal expectations of a human couple (growing old together, raising a family, etc etc). So ultimately I think it's less her being human, and more their compatibility and context.
As such, I think he just locks himself into a kind of Catch-22? Because in the end I think this is more about his own fears and insecurities--that he can never make someone happy, that he himself will never be enough (hello child of abusive home). Not to oversimplify his character, but one crucial element of his upbringing must be considered if he is to be analyzed properly.
There's something I often think about:
Comte, quoting Leonardo: "‘Not all parents love their children, or even think of them as such.’"  [Though he got away and was able to make a life for himself, he had to do it alone.]
There is. A LOT to unpack here. While we may not have evidence of what his familia is like firsthand, this description tells us...so many heartbreaking things. It tells us that Leonardo never once felt like anything more than a child intended to carry on a legacy. The likelihood that his insights, his feelings, or his entire self-hood were acknowledged is pretty much at a hardcore negative three. While it's been a good number of years since he was the problem child/family disappointment, I feel like so many of those experiences seep into his capacity to properly accept the love of another person. It's a good portion of the reason he struggles so intensely with being loved despite his unfathomable wealth of affection for other people. When a person is diagnosed with unlovable and cringe for having positive feelings for others, it's not really surprising that a person might have trouble accepting a commitment or attraction to another person. There is...a kind of Sisyphus dilemma that surfaces in the wake of that kind of life, a constant push + pull between craving acceptance and either expecting it’s loss and/or fearing it’s disappointment. Though he shows signs of healing from it, there are still portions that linger. (Jean-Paul shakes him from this self-berating in his MS, but after four hundred years he still struggles to overcome those instincts. I wish there were words for the extent to which that knowledge breaks my heart...Many say time heals all wounds, but sometimes I think only others can heal them.)
Keep in mind, I don't think his enduring fallacy that "human beings are the epitome of untainted purpose and vitality" is irrelevant or less problematic here. I just think it's a reflection of a deeper disturbance and loss. It's a reflection of his parents' unilateral rejection of the kinder parts of him; his devotion to patience and understanding. It's a kind of reiteration or what he's already known: he's doing exactly what his parents did in an odd way, he's rejecting vampirism whole-scale despite evidence of both pros and cons (just as it is for humanity). I will always offer that his fear of something going wrong during the change is completely valid--but it does feel more like a fear of admitting that vampires (and eternity for that matter) aren't inherently awful. He ran away from his parents for good reason of course, but for all his running he didn’t escape their black and white logic.
It’s funny too, because his absolutism is kind of reflected in his inability to commit to a single discipline in some ways; while part of it is that he probably exhausts study, I have to wonder how much of him oscillating is a fear of eventual failure. (Think his reaction to MC’s knowledge that he can’t dance, his mortification and utter...shock that she wouldn’t use it as a way to make him feel terrible about himself). He probably prefers to hone his skills helping people because the motivation of providing relief is a much more powerful motivator than knowledge for knowledge’s own sake. He needs the impetus, that drive to move him.
Granted, I won't fault anyone for feeling like Leonardo only loves MC for her humanity. At first glance it really did feel that way! But the more I think about it, the more I feel it has more to do with the weight of his life's experience, and the parts of himself he hasn’t been able to reconcile.
Sometimes, with Leonardo, I urge gentleness. So much of who he is disguises all the ways in which he has been hurt. While his decision is selfish and foolish, it comes from a broken place. My unhappiness will always lie predominantly with the fact that he believes to his core that happiness and self-respect is something he doesn’t deserve. 
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fireinmywoods · 4 years ago
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the heart of the matter (is Leonard McCoy)
Followers...friends. I come to you today, hat in hand, to ask for your support in a certain fandom matter, a trifling concern of little real consequence which nevertheless has been driving me absolutely cross-eyed bonkers for some years now.
Simply put: can we please all agree that Bones is the heart of the Enterprise???
In AOS, I mean. I’m not aware of any debate over this when it comes to TOS, where the roles of the triumvirate have always been explicit, though there are a few different ways to identify them:
Spock = logos = superego = head
Bones = pathos = id = heart
Kirk = ethos = ego = soul
So clear! So clean! So universally accepted by Trek fandom at large!
Oh, but things get murkier in AOS, and there are plenty of posts floating around which suggest that it’s Kirk, not McCoy, who serves as the heart in the Kelvin timeline. Even the writers of the first two AOS films have outright stated that their interpretation of the triumvirate had the original roles switched, with Kirk as the highly emotional one and McCoy as the arbiter between Kirk’s passion and Spock’s logic. It’s true that this technically counts as a Word of God pronouncement by the actual creators of 2/3 of the series thus far, which some would argue renders it canon. However, it’s equally true that those same creators also felt that Kirk was a fuckboi and that Benedict Cumberbatch wonderfully embodied their vision for Khan Noonien Singh, so honestly, who gives a hot hollerin’ fuck what those dingdongs think. This seems as justified a time as any to invoke Death of the Author, and in fact, it’s my firm belief that despite the writers’ intentions, Star Trek and Into Darkness both support the original triumvirate breakdown.
Under the cut you’ll find a long-winded and self-indulgent ~*~character analysis~*~ of the Kelvin-timeline incarnations of Jim Kirk and Leonard “Bones” McCoy, reviewing why Leonard is still unmistakably the heart, unpacking what the hell Jim’s deal is, and finally taking a look at some key examples from canon, because ya girl believes in showing her work.
Let’s get down to business.
[A quick warning, as this is starting to spread beyond my own followers: if you don’t like McKirk as a romantic pairing, you ain’t gonna like part IV, so I’d bow out before then or just take your leave now.]
i. Leonard
Independent of Jim’s characterization, it should be blindingly obvious that Leonard is the heart. He’s by far the most nakedly emotional of our seven core crew members, a trait we see writ large and small throughout the films. He’s reactive; he’s passionate; he’s humane. He cares, first and foremost.
Not about Starfleet, of course. Leonard doesn’t give a damn about playing the game or advancing his career, or even really about the Enterprise’s mission - he has no desire to explore strange new worlds, he’ll pass on seeking out new life and new civilizations, and he spends half his time trying to convince everyone else that boldly going where no man has gone before is a great way to die horribly. Fuck exploration, fuck space, and fuck the Federation while we’re at it. Leonard is perhaps the most improbable of the Enterprise’s senior officers for the simple reason that he seems to resent everything about the job.
Well. Almost everything.
See, what Leonard cares about is people. He cares about their lives, about their stories, about their hopes and dreams, about their suffering. That’s why he entered and has stayed in an extremely taxing caring profession, and it’s why he’s still on the Enterprise despite his incessant bitching about everything they do. He wouldn’t trust anyone else to take care of the crew he’s become so attached to, and he finds fulfillment in helping the people they encounter out there in the nightmare of space.
In every timeline, Leonard McCoy defines himself by what he can do for others: the pain he can ameliorate, the wounds he can heal, the diseases he can cure, the small amounts of good he can bring to a galaxy filled with so much absolute horseshit. Unlike most of his colleagues, he’s not motivated by curiosity or an adventurer’s spirit or a burning desire to make sense of the universe. (Fuck the universe, too, as a matter of fact.) Instead, he’s driven by the incredible depths of his compassion and empathy and concern for the people he serves alongside and those they meet along the way.
Sure sounds like the heart to me.
ii. Jim
I actually totally get why some people characterize Kelvin-timeline Jim as the heart. He’s quite literally a different man than the original timeline’s Kirk, and he definitely has more of the pathos qualities to him. Early on, he’s a total spitfire, fierce and hot-blooded, quick to anger and other sharp-edged emotions we’re not used to associating with James T. Kirk. Even as he grows into himself and leaves some of those traits behind, he remains spontaneous, passionate, protective, and self-sacrificing - easy enough to mistake for the heart if you squint.
But let’s not confuse having a heart for being the heart. Sure, Jim is more openly emotional and reactive than his TOS counterpart, but there’s still a marked difference between the way he and Leonard express and act on their emotions.
AOS Jim definitely has a lot of feelings - big ones - but at the end of the day, he’s not driven by his heart. He’s driven by his gut.
Whenever there’s trouble, Jim makes a beeline right for the center of it. He’s impulsive as hell, rarely pausing to think past his first instinct, because he just wants to be doing something, no matter the odds, no matter what it costs him. He explicitly calls himself out on this in ST:ID when arguing with Spock: “I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. I only know what I can do.” He doesn’t have the patience or the constitution to sit and debate all the options, either internally or with his crew. If there’s a path forward from where he is, even a bad one, Jim’s gonna take it.
[Sidebar: One could make the case that the roots of Jim’s instinct to act reach back to his childhood traumas - canonically ignored abuse and neglect on the one hand, and the Tarsus IV famine and massacre on the other - but that’s a whole post on its own and we ain’t got all day here.]
Jim can’t not act, and while that gets him into a lot of trouble, it also saves lives. Sulu probably appreciated that Jim’s gut drove him to leap off Nero’s drilling platform without a moment’s hesitation after a man he’d only just met. He may have been a real shithead about it, but Jim’s impassioned insistence on going after the Narada and not wasting time on the possibility of a better option was key to saving Pike and Earth itself. And I don’t know why Spock was so surprised that Jim intervened to save him on Nibiru, considering that the reason they were there in the first place was because Jim couldn’t sit back and watch the Nibirans die when there was something his crew could do to help them, even if it meant risking a violation of the Prime Directive.
Jim is a good man with a big heart, and he cares about people, absolutely. But he cares most of all about Doing The Right Thing - which in the heat of the moment often translates to Doing Something, Anything, Hold My Beer.
iii. heart vs. gut (i.e., time for some receipts)
I think one of the main reasons Leonard and Jim’s characterizations get confused is because they both tend to act on instinct, only lightly informed by higher reasoning. However, I’d argue that their motivations and the nature of those actions are super distinct, and those distinctions remain relatively consistent throughout all three films. (And y’all know I really mean this shit if I’m out here calling ST:ID consistent.)
Jim is a big picture guy, figuratively and often literally heaving himself full-body into the mix of whatever problem the crew has encountered for lack of any better alternative. That energy propels the plots of all three films: the chaotic path he carves through the events of Star Trek and ST:ID, and the slightly calmer but still undeniably bananas course he charts for himself and his crew in the second half of Beyond.
As the heart, Leonard operates on a more micro level. His concern invariably lies with the individual people caught up in those grand events Captain Chaos is busy dragging them all through. While Jim’s zooming around flipping plot switches, Leonard can always be counted on to bring it back to the personal.
We frequently see this juxtaposed right there on film. Think of that slow pan through medbay in the first movie after the Narada’s ambush and the destruction of Vulcan: while Jim is stewing over what to do about the Big Bad, Leonard has stepped into the CMO role without fuss or fanfare to care for the wounded crew and traumatized survivors.
Or jump ahead to Beyond: during Krall’s attack on the Enterprise, there’s a gorgeous cinematic shot of Jim sprinting down the corridor with two crew members to take on the invaders - and then we cut to Leonard moving slowly through those same ghastly red-lit corridors, searching for casualties in need of help, visibly affected by what his scanner is telling him about the downed crewman he tries to save.
Actually, Beyond as a whole does terrific justice to each of their roles. (Perhaps because it was not written by dingdongs.) The first act finds Jim flailing around for a sense of purpose and forward momentum - an understandable consequence of a gut-driven character having stalled out for too long - and he ultimately gets his mojo back by spending the rest of the film careening through one insane seat-of-his-pants ploy after another. Meanwhile, in the quieter moments between all the mayhem, Leonard serves as the empathetic sounding board for both Jim and Spock as they struggle with deep emotionally charged secrets and Big Life Questions, helping them untangle their feelings and reminding them of the emotional attachments which are ultimately key to their respective decisions to stay on the Enterprise.
More examples, you say? Don’t mind if I do!
Star Trek
GUT: Jim hurtles around the Narada, improvising almost every step of the way and paying the price for his and Spock’s scheme in bodily harm, and ultimately succeeds in rescuing Pike. HEART: Leonard calls out for Jim as he runs into the transporter room, overwhelmed with relief that he’s made it back, and takes Chris Pike’s weight literally and figuratively onto his own shoulders to begin healing him while Jim runs back off to the center of the action.
Star Trek: Into Darkness
GUT: Jim argues with Leonard, Spock, and Scotty in quick succession as he’s preparing to drag them all off to Qo’noS, immune to their attempts to reason with him because, unraveled as he is by grief and pain, he can only focus on his visceral drive to Do Something. HEART: Unlike the others, Leonard is upset not about the larger moral questions of whether it’s right to go after John Harrison or bring torpedoes aboard the ship, but about the fact that Jim himself is hurt and hurting and won’t accept help.
GUT: Jim makes a snap decision to sacrifice himself by hurling his body against the warp core to realign it and save his crew. HEART: Shellshocked by the emotional grenade of his best friend’s death, Leonard suddenly realizes, through the haze of his own numbness and upswelling grief, that he might still be able to do something for this lonely radiation-ravaged body he’s been brought and the life it represents.
Star Trek Beyond
GUT: At the tail end of an improvised plan to out-maneuver Kalara, Jim quite literally shoots first and asks questions later, igniting a fuel tank and setting off an explosive series of events which he and Chekov just barely escape. HEART: The next time we see Leonard, Spock is opening up to him about Ambassador Spock’s death and his own plan to leave Starfleet for New Vulcan - and while he’s empathetic toward Spock (I can’t imagine what that must feel like), Leonard’s thoughts go immediately to the emotional impact of Spock’s plan on the other people he’s closest with. (I can see how that would upset [Nyota]. / I can tell you, [Jim]’s not gonna like that.)
GUT: Jim frantically strains to reach the final switch in the life support hub, believing that he’s going to die either way since the vent has already opened, but spurred on by the knowledge that his ability to move that switch is the only thing standing between Yorktown and annihilation. HEART: Knowing exactly what’s at stake, with the fate of the station and millions of lives hanging in the balance, Leonard’s greatest concern is that Jim won’t make it out in time.
iv. never bet against the heart
Let’s wrap this up with a deep dive on one of the absolute best examples of Leonard as the heart: his decision to sneak Jim onto the Enterprise in the first movie.
As relentlessly as I drag him for the, you know, poisoning and kidnapping aspects of that whole deal, there’s no denying that it is a god-tier heart move. Is it logical? Absolutely not. Is it really the right thing to do for either himself or Jim, as far as he knows at the time? Nope. It’s 100% the wrong choice for his own job security, reputation, and relationships with his fellow crew, and it’s almost guaranteed to get Jim into even worse trouble. Leonard is a smart dude who must understand that this course of action will likely end up coming back on them both in a real bad way. For someone who argues loudly and often in defense of self-preservation, this is a shockingly bad idea.
But none of that matters, because Jim shakes his hand and tells him to be safe with that horrible empty-eyed smile, and it gets him right in the heart, one-two-three.
One: sympathy, worry, and affection for Jim - his best friend, his wild and troublesome stray, his only family.
Two: guilt over adding onto Jim’s pain, and the instinctive urge to fix whatever‘s hurting him.
Three: fear of heading out into the unknown by himself, the agonizing uncertainty of not knowing what’s coming, craving for the security and reassurance Jim’s presence would give him.
“Dammit,” Leonard says, as his heart wins out over his brain. He knows this is a garbage plan, and he doesn’t care. His heart chooses Jim. That’s all that matters.
So he goes back for Jim, and to his own surprise it turns out that this Very Bad Idea was actually a Very Good Idea because Jim’s impulsive instincts end up saving Earth, and Leonard’s not in the habit of fixing what ain’t broke so he figures he may as well keep on chasing Jim’s crazy ass around the galaxy for a while, through jungles and off cliffs and into the goddamn afterlife when need be, until finally one day Jim’s gut drives him right into Leonard’s arms and he suddenly realizes that this is what his heart was choosing all those years ago: Jim’s wide terrified eyes, Jim’s voice breaking over his name, Jim’s hand pressing hard against his chest, reaching out for what’s his.
But that’s another story.
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belladonnabear · 5 years ago
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Tomura Shigaraki X Reader: Love At First Sight
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Scenario: The title speaks for itself. Tomura falls in love with you at first sight and wants you.  Sorry this is pretty OOC but November and December have been pretty rough so I wanted some fluff.
~~
Tomura couldn’t stop staring, his coffee could have spilled all over his lap and he wouldn’t have cared. He was staring at the most beautiful girl he’s ever laid his eyes on. Her soft (h/c) hair that was flowing from the fan, her bright (e/c) eyes that sparkled like a diamond and unlike his own skin, hers looked as soft as freshly clean bed sheets.
    She was in line waiting to order her coffee, a blissful smile was stretched on her face as she looked at the board for specials. Tomura felt his face begin to warm up and he had a slight urge to start scratching at his neck again. She looked like an angel, while he was a ghastly demon from the underworld. He’s never felt this way about any girl before and it was suddenly beginning to irritate him. Why was he feeling this way towards her? He’s never even had a conversation with her before. What was going on with him?
    He suddenly saw her up front and turned to the cashier. With a beaming smile you made your order.
“Can I please have a medium Mocha Coconut?” you asked.
However, the cashier looked down at her head to toe with a very intense gaze. He suddenly had a very cunning smirk on his face. 
“Sure, that’s going to be ¥400 and your phone number.” he winked.
    Tomura was starting to feel his irritation turn to rage at the cashier’s attempt to flirt with you. Why was this NPC trying to get with you? He’s not even in the same league as you. Tomura was starting to see red as you began to look uncomfortable at this man’s sudden request. You held out your card for him to take.
    “Um, no thank you.” you politely declined.
    “C’mon sweetcheeks, there ain’t no harm. Let me take you out sometime.” the man ignored the card and kept on trying to woo you.
    Tomura could feel his bloodlust rising at this prick’s insistence. He wanted to murder this man. No. That would be too kind. He wanted to rip off every limb from his body and leave him disabled for life. This disgusting scumbag didn’t deserve something as merciful as death. 
    “Please don’t call me that sir.” you shake your head.
    “Sir? I like it. You should call me that after I’m done with you.” he chuckled.
    Tomura stood up from his spot with feral eyes and ill-intent for the creepy cashier. He slammed some money on the counter top and looked at the man with a deadly gaze.
    “Give her the drink asshole. She’s not interested in you.” Tomura glared.
    The man looked intimidated by Tomura’s stare and quietly took the money while getting the young woman’s drink. The girl looked over at Tomura with admiration glistening in her eyes. Tomura suddenly felt bashful by her look and tried not to make direct eye contact with her. 
    “Thank you so much. You didn’t have to pay though, I can pay you back for the drink.” you offered.
“Don’t worry about it.” Tomura shrugged.
Internally, Tomura was jubilant about talking to the girl. She was looking at him with a very happy expression on her face. She received her drink from the creepy cashier and she turned to the man.
“If it’s not too much to ask, can I sit with you please?” she wondered.
Tomura felt his head spin from her request. She wanted to sit with him? Did she not notice the scars and dry skin on him? Or did she just not care? A part of him wanted to say no but one look at her hopeful express made him weak for her.
“Sure.” he nodded.
With a grin on her face, she sat herself at his table while Tomura glanced back at the  cashier from before. He looked at Tomura in envy that he was going to be sitting down with the girl he was creeping on earlier. Tomura shot him a wicked smirk which made the man flinch before Tomura sat down to talk to the girl.
“My name is (Y/N) by the way. Sorry I didn’t introduce myself sooner. But thank you for sticking up for me.” she introduced.
Tomura felt her name ring in his head repeatedly. (Y/N) became his new favorite word.
~~
Tomura and (Y/N) exchanged numbers and the two met up often to hang out together. He loved spending time with her. She was very supportive and understanding to him. Giving him advice when he was frustrated or confused. Even though he never mentioned he was part of the League of Villains, she still respected his need for privacy in his life. She never questioned what he did for a living or what he does in his spare time.
The two often went to movies together, arcades and she even bought him some clothes that would fit him better. It didn’t seem to matter what the two were doing, he was having fun and enjoying his time being around her. 
She also used her regeneration quirk on his skin so that the scratched marks on his neck could heal. Tomura found out that day that she was a nurse who wanted to help heal those who needed help. Which ultimately brought up the topic of heroes.
“To be honest...I’m not the biggest fan of heroes....” she admitted.
Tomura’s eyes widened at this declaration. The two were eating ramen together when you brought up the topic. He almost choked on his noodles as he heard her statement. She didn’t like heroes? Most people would never admit to not liking heroes. But you did the opposite of that. He was intrigued.
“What do you mean?” he wondered.
She scratched the back of her head awkwardly. “Most of them are very...cliquey. I went to UA for the Support Course so I could use my healing abilities to help others. But the hero students were always stuck up. They saw me and others as lesser because we weren’t as ‘strong’ as they were. That didn’t change after graduation either. I’ve healed plenty of heroes as a nurse and most of them are brash. They demand you do things a certain way, when in reality, they don’t have a clue about what they’re saying. Lots of them use each other for popularity and money. So they’re not as heroic as the public receives them. Speak out about them and you’re ostracized from society. I wish that could change.”
(Y/N) realized that Tomura was staring at her with a strange gaze and with a flustered face she waved her hands sporadically.
“I-I mean, if y-you l-like heroes that’s fine! I’ll respect your opinion on the matter!” she exclaimed.
Tomura felt his heart beat rapidly as he saw her cute face turn pink from embarrassment. That’s when he realized he wanted to be with her forever. She wasn’t only the perfect girl for him but also, she was his player two. The person who would be by his side forever while he would break society down. She would be his pillar of support and his wonderful girlfriend.
“It’s fine...I actually agree with a lot of what you said.” Tomura softly said.
She looked taken aback. Like she was surprised that he agreed with her. Tomura figured that she’s been harassed because of her opinions on heroes. But he admired her resilience and how she thought for herself. As far as Tomura was concerned, she was amazing.
“R-Really?” she stammered.
“You’re not the only one who hates heroes or how society perceives them. I know change will one day happen. And then, things will be better.” Tomura declared.
(Y/N) saw a fiery passion in Tomura’s eyes that made her blush heavier. She had always liked his determination and passion about the things he wanted. Like when he wanted to beat high score record for the House of the Dead arcade game. And seeing it here only made it more obvious to her that she was falling for him. He wasn’t perfect, but she wouldn’t have had it any other way.
She leaned over to Tomura and kissed his cheek. His eyes widened as he stared at her in amazement. Her soft lips on his face caught his breath as he felt her right next to him. He was blushing red as she pulled away. In a small smile she said. 
“I think I’m falling for you Tomura.”
~~
Tomura and (Y/N) had started dating for about two months now. She was his candle in the dark that kept everything bright for him. Even when he was miserable, she always found a way to make him feel better. He was growing more attached to her everyday. But he was also fearful that she would leave him if he told her the truth. He didn’t want her to think any less of him or even worse, leave him.
Her finding out about his position in the League of Villains was discovered in a way he never wanted it to happen. He left his phone on the counter after texting with (Y/N) a couple of times. Toga and Dabi were curious to know who their boss kept talking to. So Toga quickly snatched the phone and looked at the contact he was texting. When they both saw (Y/N) they were surprised.
“Oh wow! I didn’t know he was dating such a cutie!” Toga squealed.
“Hm, seems to me like she’s unaware that she’s dating a murderer.” Dabi observed as he looked through the messages.
“We could always tell her if Shigaraki’s too shy!” Toga encouraged.
A part of Dabi knew that revealing that Shigaraki was affiliated with the League of Villains might backfire on them. But he also knew the boss wasn’t too stupid to reveal anything too personal if it would effect the league. Plus, he did want to push the bastard’s buttons.
“Hurry! He could come back soon!” Toga reminded.
Dabi shrugged and called the contact known as (Y/N). She picked up pretty quickly and answered.
“Hi there Tomura! Is that one asshole with no manners bothering you again?” you greeted.
Dabi knew she was referring to him. Which made him want to do this even more.
“Hey there, this is the asshole with no manners. Are you aware that you’re dating the leader of the League of Villains?” Dabi wondered.
No sooner had those words came out of his mouth, Tomura slammed the door open. A vicious look was on his face as he looked at the two culprits who were toying around with his phone. Dabi figured he must have just heard what he had said to you. Because Shigaraki looked like he was about ready to kill these two again.
“What the hell do you two think you’re doing?!” Tomura questioned hotly.
Toga pumped her fist in the air. “We just wanted to get to know your girl boss! She looks super cute!”
“He’s what...?” you said in a perplexed tone.
“You heard me.” Dabi merely said.
Silence dreaded the air as they waited for either (Y/N) to say something or Shigaraki to lose his cool in a fit of rage. Meanwhile, Tomura was thinking simultaneously about how to kill these two idiots and how to play it off as a joke when he tries to cover himself. 
“Give the phone to Tomura please.” you requested.
Dabi casually handed the phone over to Shigaraki stating. “She wants to talk to you.”
Hesitantly, he took the phone carefully and answered. “Hello?”
“Tomura, are you really part of the League of Villains?” she wondered.
He could feel his heart beginning to sink. He didn’t want to admit it to you but he also couldn’t find it in himself to lie to you. He loved you too much to do that. You meant so much to him. He doesn’t want to lose you. 
“....I am.” he quietly said.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner Tomura? You know I care about you! I would have tried to support you! Are you guys doing okay over there?” you began rambling about how he should take care of himself.
Tomura however was stunned into silence. A slow smile began crawling on his face as he let out an elated laugh. She really was his Player Two. A wonderful, beautiful girl who cared and loved him more than anyone else has ever. He had no reason to worry about her finding out after all. She was loyal to him.
“I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intention to deceive you.” he chuckled.
Toga and Dabi were confused by the dastardly smile on his face. Dabi realized she probably was just as insane as him and realized this isn't fun anymore. He walked off shrugging his shoulders. 
“Do you guys have a healer there? I wouldn’t trust underground doctors if I were you!” you pointed out.
Tomura sheepishly smiled at his beloved’s concern. “Now, that you mention it, we really could use a healer.”
~~
It was past midnight as Tomura was in his room playing the Walking Dead when he paused the game to look at you. In his bed, you were sound asleep in your cute pajamas. It has been three months since you found out Tomura was the leader of the League of Villains. Since then, you had moved in with him to help him and his comrades. Today was quite an eventful day for you. Twice had accidentally dislocated his wrist, Toga had twisted her ankle and you helped Dabi with the burns from his quirk. 
Now you were resting after a hard day of work. Tomura could feel himself becoming drowsy from just looking at you. He really wanted to get under the blankets and cuddle you all to himself. So, he did just that. He shut off his game and got into bed and lay in right next to you. Even when you were asleep, you instinctively clutched onto him and nuzzled yourself into his chest. A tiny smile on your face as you slept in content. 
Tomura carefully pulled you closer to him and kept his arms wrapped around you carefully. You were still as beautiful as the day you two met. He placed soft kisses on your head as he too began to drift off. 
He’s loved you since the day you met and he’ll love you for much longer than that.
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tracehummelanderson · 4 years ago
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TRACE WAS READY TO GET BACK ON TOP and what better way was there to do that than to land a lead in lima players’ spring production? something had always gotten in the way of him and success in the arts this past year. grease, was a hasty, last minute audition after his transfer. and he simply wasn’t present for into the woods auditions, in fact, he was off auditioning for NYADA. this time was different though, he had rehearsed his song and monologue constantly-- in the shower, on the drive to school, as he was falling asleep. trace so desperately wanted to do well. this was his big comeback moment, and a comeback meant that on wednesday, once he stepped foot in the tibideaux theater, trace would worry about himself and himself only. no girls, no grades, none of that. just him, his audition, and a goal in mind.
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that being said, on audition day, trace gregariously floated around the waiting room and made small talk about other people’s song selections or who they were hoping to be casted as. he knew that he knew his materials and sitting alone quietly felt like an agonizing way to wait for his name to be called. so instead, he made jokes, he laughed, and he debated stepping out front for a smoke break. ultimately, tracy decided against it after hearing his dad in the back of his head telling him how over time it would ruin his vocal cords, and that it was especially stupid to do right before an audition. with a smoke break out of the question, trace was still feeling nervous. there was a lot riding on this. that wasn’t placed onto him by anybody else, but trace was, for once, holding himself to a certain standard. trying to calm that jumbled pit in his stomach, he began to pace and lowly hum some vocal warm ups. the pre-audition jitters seemed to be hitting everyone because the conversation and laughter had dropped significantly into hushed fragments of conversation.
after an agonizing waiting period, the audition facilitator called trace’s name. with a deep breath, he jumped into the air and wiggled his arms and legs as if to say jitters be gone! before he entered the double doors that led down a ramp and into the auditorium. when he stepped inside, the first thing he saw was the back of bryan ryan’s head which, instantly made trace want to sprint out the door. joint productions between crawford and dalton, even mckinley productions, had been different. the audition panel was filled with adults he knew, which was comforting in a way, but bryan ryan was a total stranger. trace didn’t dwell on it for long though. when he was an actor in the future, he wasn’t going to know the casting director of every audition he went into.
feeling more settled into his skin, trace hiked the steps of the stage, and flashed mr.ryan a quick smile. “hey, good afternoon, or evening i should say.” he corrected, coming off as calm, cool, and collected prior to his slate. clapping his hands together in front of him, he opened his mouth, “alright, i’m...” there was a pause as trace looked up at the lights beaming down on him. in a split second, he made a decision, “i’m tracy laurence.” he said, grinning widely. in theory, trace planned on using that name if he ever made it big, so everybody better start now. but in practice, the only people who really ever called him that were kaden fabray and his instagram handle. but if this was supposed to be a comeback, he was going to do it with what the world would know him as one day. (not to mention, dropping the hummel-anderson might help himself and joey out.)
continuing his slate, trace rocked back and forth from his toes to his heels, unable to wrangle his anticipation to actually get to the material. “today i’ll be performing i’m alive from next to normal.” in his brief search of songs, once he heard i’m alive, trace knew he had to do it. although the subject matter of the two shows was entirely different, the music itself sounded similar, and trace was entirely prepared to showcase his ability to sing in this genre. continuing on with his slate, he added, “and for my monologue i’ll be doing the poet’s heart by maxwell bodenheim.” this one had been an easy choice as well. to trace, it just had vibes similar to the show, and while his heart was set on moritz, it was an easily relatable monologue for either of the male leads. with a little nod to show his slate was concluded, he looked out to bryan ryan, “oh! and it’d be sick to be considered for moritz, but i’d love to be in your cast at all. hope you like it!”
as soon as he finished speaking, the upbeat rock tune sounded throughout the auditiorium and trace began singing. with outstretched arms, he made direct eye contact with mr.ryan as if to give him the message personally, “I am what you want me to be.” sure trace, wanted to be moritz, but ultimately bryan ryan was the director, and he was trying to prove that he was shapeable clay in the old director’s hand. once the music had started, his demeanor had entirely transformed. no longer was he goofy trace standing before bryan ryan, he was acting the part of someone harsh, corrupt, and angry.
apart from that, trace didn’t do much throughout the first verse other than stand there and sing clearly. when the chorus hit though, he didn’t hesitate to go all out. with as much energy as he could muster, he jumped off the stage. he definitely hadn’t planned on doing that, but he figured running with the rowdy performance instinct in his gut might get him somewhere. so throughout the first chorus he experimented with a multitude of creative choices such as planting his hands on mr.ryan’s audition table in the seats, running through the aisles, and eventually making his way back to the front of the house.
“I am flame and I am fire. I am destruction, decay, and desire. I'll hurt you. I'll heal you”
again his motions slowed as he gave a minute for the upbeat chaos that had just ensued to dissipate. throughout the second verse, he allowed the intensity and rasp of his tone to settle with the director. in his eyes, it was perfect for a show like this. while trace knew he was talented, ever since he left dalton, he was just waiting for some adult to go out on a limb, agree with that assessment, and give him something. if anyone were to ask, he didn’t want it that badly. but on the same note, if anyone other than bryan ryan were to watch his performance at present, they’d see him pouring that angst into song and giving 110%. he wanted it. and trace, for once in these past few months, felt like this was a time he might just get what he was chasing.
at the chorus, again trace took off running. while it not only showed off decent breath control and the ability to sing well enough in motion, it was entertaining to watch. weaving his way through the seats, trace gave bryan ryan an immersive experience by planting his hands on the director’s shoulders and singing in his face,  “I'm right behind you. You say forget, but I'll remind you. you can try to hide but you know that I will find you. cause if you won't grieve me, you won't leave me behind oh-ho, oh, whoa, whoa” it was bold and it left trace’s heart thumping wildly in his chest, because he couldn’t exactly get a read on if the director had enjoyed the choice or not. regardless of mr.ryan’s personal preferences to the choice, it gave trace the perfect opportunity to run away and back onto the stage as he sang “no, no, no”. it left him belting out the last couple of the i’m alives out center stage. when the song was over, trace couldn’t help his growing smile as bryan ryan scribbled in his notes.
moving into his monologue, trace toned down that invigorated, firecracker feeling to portray an essence of being lost, and sad. he did it effortlessly. while his song had been fun and captivating, his acting chops were no joke. he showed a surprising emotional depth as he easily recited the lines. sure, i’m alive was fun, but trace’s favorite was his monologue. although it was short, he could only hope bryan ryan’s interests were piqued.
come the end of the monolouge, trace let out a breath as he was told, “thanks so much for that tracy, you’ll hear back from us friday.” with a breathless nod, trace came down from the stage with a little bit of a wave, “thanks, man” as he walked up the aisle and towards the door, trace couldn’t determine bryan ryan’s thoughts, but if he were to reflect on his own performance, he would say that he did a pretty good job exemplifying his range and ability to fit well into this show. now he would play the waiting game for the next two days, and hope that he hadn’t either done too much, or not enough.
THE END.
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darkkept · 4 years ago
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👶 Would your muse be a good parent? Do they want to be a parent, if they are not already? (for every single muse on this blog. every single one. why can i ask such a large request? 1) i know what you're about, son. 2) i'm me and u love me : 3c) // @craterkissed​ // symbol meme. // accepting.
Aerith: I mean, canon shows that Aerith can be great with kids, which is something I appreciate the remake for showing. While she struggles with connecting with others, you see the sense of empathy inherent in being a Cetra through her interactions with Marlene, and it adds a nice layer to this otherwise standoffish and emotionally distant woman. That said... That isn’t necessarily maternal? She has no aspirations in that direction, at any rate. Her own childhood spat out someone who bucks at the idea of introducing a child to the world she’s been dragged through. She might settle for being the cool aunt for the children of loved ones, but refuses to have a child of her own or bring up one.
Aqua: She kind of already is? Like I think there’s a very real sense of her being very motherly and mature in spite of her youth, especially in her interactions with Ven and other youngsters in the narrative. She makes a good mother figure to them, even for all her personal flaws. In spite of that, she still has a lot of issues to work through, so while I think she would like to have a family of her own someday, it’s a long ways off and unlikely to happen before she has a handle on her own problems. She doesn’t want to be the kind of parent her own children have to heal from, like her own father figure was to her, however accidentally. 
Stray: There’s potential there to be a good mom, as she’s already largely taken that role for others in the past. However, that skill was largely born from age-inappropriate parentification, and stands in stark contrast to several of Stray’s other desires and goals. As a result, she’s largely ambivalent to the thought of motherhood, lacking both a partner and a clear future to consider the possibility with. She’s pretty young at the start of the narrative, and has plenty of time in the years to come to decide whether it’s something she’d be interested in pursuing with whoever she might marry. 
Braska: By all accounts, he was a great father. He stood loyally by Yuna  for her early childhood, encouraged her, did his best to make things safe and loving for his child who was going to face so much in life. I truly believe he was a wonderful father in contrast to Jecht -- but he was an imperfect man. He was willing to sacrifice it all to leave a legacy Yuna could be proud of, in the hopes she might live free of the fear and sorrow they had both faced in the wake of her mother’s death. The problem is, he dreamt up a solution that left Yuna lonelier than before. You can read his sacrifice a lot of ways, but it’s effect on his daughter was clear. He was a wonderful father, but he failed where it counted in some regards. 
Crowe: Like Aerith, Crowe would be most comfortable in the role of ‘cool aunt’ over being a mom. There is no love lost between Crowe and kids, who she largely regards as loud and annoying in the majority and halfway tolerable in the rare case one doesn’t earn her ire. She’s definitely down to be the badass rebellious honorary aunt to any children her friends might have, but without being really responsible for them or a good role model. Honestly Kleffy and I have a verse where she’s godmother to a tiny Galahdian namesake and it goes... Poorly. Big Crowe is the voice of impulse that Little Crowe is trying very hard to ignore. 
Eraqus: Just hit me with the hard ball questions, damn. So to preface this, I understand fandom has some STRONG opinions on Eraqus as a parent, and I disagree with both camps. He wasn’t some verbally or emotionally abusive pillar of stone who intentionally set his students up for failure. He also wasn’t some angelic and always right patriarch who did no wrong until Xehanort meddled in their little Paradise. I think he did his best, but was ignorant and had a lot of pride that put him at odds with what his students needed or were, but he tried to love them regardless. What we see in BBS is a worst case scenario in terms of his direct actions past a certain point, and while these do show his deep zealotry for light, I think it’s not totally fair to hold them up as what he was as a parent in general. His flaws lie more in how he put down darkness to Terra’s detriment, how he so coddled Ventus in spite of his want for a life like his friends had, and basically setting up Aqua to follow his path and past mistakes, not in a clearly difficult decision he made thinking the world would literally end otherwise. He was wrong to do what he wanted to do to Ven, but I think his problems as a parent aren’t reflected in that. I have a whole meta about this on my old blog I’ll have to rb because my feelings on Eraqus as a father are really long and complicated having mused both he and one of his kids.
Invi: Invi will be the first to admit she’s got no particular skill with children. She’s a stern leader and demands the best from her union, and shows some deeper understanding of how to communicate with the youths in Anguis, but without the soft moments that can make such a relationship meaningful or deeper. Even with her younger siblings, she tends to push them a little too far, and is downright competitive with them when it comes to having the Master’s time or attention. She lacks the patience or understanding for good parenting, and lacks any interest in being a mother. The most she might aim for is to take on a student of her own someday, but it’d be just that: a teacher and student relationship.
Isa: No. Isa does not delude himself about fatherhood. He has spent too long grappling with the emotional and mental scars his own angry father left behind to even consider becoming that to a child. He knows his temperament and track record do not paint an optimistic picture, or even a halfway decent one. He has no inclination towards the idea, and in fact balks at it. His history with Roxas and Xion alone show he is awful with children. Even allowing for changes as a Somebody, it just means he gains the self-awareness to look back on his actions and his own youth and say the cycle stops with him in totality.
Kokoro: I mean, the kid she’s helped raise the last ten years isn’t complaining. Despite occasional friction that comes with adolescence, Mads clearly adores her adoptive mom, and never really gripes about her as a mother, just a cryptic seeker of knowledge. Kokoro herself understands she can make a lot of mistakes in her life, but parenting cannot be one of them -- Not like her father made mistakes with her. While she’s struggled at times in suddenly being responsible for a complete stranger, Kokoro has overall enjoyed the experience of motherhood. I’d say of my lady muses, she is the most prepared for it, and would ultimately enjoy having more children in the future, whether by adoption as with Mads or trying for biochildren with a partner.
Roxas: He is a child. That said, in at least one far future setting my friends and I have, he’s a good Master to his students but clearly disinterested in being an actual dad. He can hardly handle himself some days, why would he ever want to be in charge of another living creature on top of that?
Steria: She has all the skills to be a good mom and the personality to be a really fun, reasonable kind of parent. Steria never really thought about these things when younger, despite expectations put upon her by certain arrangements in her life, but as she grew to adulthood... She was really excited to start a family of her own and give her kids all the time and love that was so touch and go in her own upbringing. When her daughter was born, she had every intention of giving her the world. The fact she never got to be the loving mother and shelter for Kokoro growing up is one of the cruelest parts of her death.
Drautos: This is... a many layered answer. I think he would be a good parent in that he would prepare any child for the world and teach them how to be a better person than he himself is. He would provide stability, comfort, and safety for a child. But when you look at his track record with his subordinates and his ultimate aims, it all falls apart. I could easily see him being a distant but exacting father who makes up for in opportunities what he lacks in warmth. It would be a mess. Thank God this man has no intention of raising children in a bubble like Lucis.
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naegiriweek · 5 years ago
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Day Two: Puzzle
A/N: Here’s my entry for Day Two of Naegiri Week 2019.  This takes place shortly after the Class 78th Survivors join the Future Foundation.  Enjoy!
Day Two: Puzzle
The Ultimate Detective and The Ultimate Hope Gaiden: Makoto Learns to Fight?!
  “Makoto…come with me.”
Makoto looked up from his spot on the communal couch to see Kyoko staring down at him.  Curious, he stood up to face her.
“O…Okay.  Sure.  Where did you want to go?”
“…You’ll see.”  Turning on her heel, she started walking, advising “Hurry up!”
Realizing she was almost out of sight, Makoto started running, yelling “Kyoko, wait up!”
XXX
Kyoko pushed open the double doors in front of her to reveal what looked to Makoto like a stereotypical high school gymnasium.  Weights, mats, and other exercise equipment covered the floor.
Seeing Makoto’s confused expression as they walked in, Kyoko explained “The Future Foundation set up this gymnasium as an exercise facility.  It’s open to all Future Foundation employees.”
“Okay…so why did you want to bring me here anyways?”
“Combat training?”
Makoto gaped as he repeated her nonchalant revelation “Co…Combat training?”
Nodding Kyoko continued “That’s right.  I’m going to teach you how to fight.”
Taken aback, Makoto protested “Me, learn how to fight?  But Kyoko, I’m a pacifist, you know that!  There’s no way I’d ever try to fight anyone…”
“This isn’t about training you to pick fights.  What I’m going to train you in is how to protect yourself should you be attacked.” 
Kyoko flashed back to their last few days at Hope’s Peak, when she barely saved Makoto from getting killed by Junko’s knife assault.  Holding back her tears at the guilt-ridden memory, she took a deep breath to compose herself, which didn’t go unnoticed by Makoto.
“I won’t always be there to protect you, Makoto.  Especially in the world we live in now, there may come a time when one of the Remnants tries to attack you, and I’d feel a little more at ease if I could be certain that all of my employees were proficient in basic self-defense.”
She…she’s really serious.  Keeping me safe, really means a lot to her.  And if doing this gives her some peace of mind, how can I say no?  “…Alright Sensei, it would be a privilege to learn from you.  Now, where do we start?”
Rolling her eyes at Makoto’s attempt to lighten the mood, Kyoko smiled and gestured over to the closest mat.  As they arrived, Kyoko stated to explain her knowledge of combat theory.
“The first thing to take into account is…”
XXX
“AGH!  OOF!”
Makoto fell down on his butt for what seemed to be the thousandth time that day.  Kyoko taught him some basic arm and leg movements, and when it came to basic repetition drills, he seemed to do just fine.  But when they moved to doing mock fights, Murphy’s law seemed to take effect; his punches flew way off target, and he would put way too much momentum into his kicks causing him to fall and bump his head.  By the end of the day, Makoto was covered in bruises from head to toe, and Makoto hadn’t even come close to breaking her incredibly basic defense.  To say that Kyoko was frustrated would have been an understatement.
I’m not even going all out!  I made sure he knew the theory and could do the basic repetitions before we started doing this for real.  So why does he keep slipping?  What am I missing as his teacher?
“I…I’m sorry.  I’m probably your lousiest student, aren’t I?”
Not able to find the words to refute his self-depreciation, Kyoko suggested “Why don’t we break for now and pick this up again in a couple of days so your bruises can heal?  Maybe we’ll have better luck next time…”
“Oh, okay.”  Turning around, he started to walk back to his dorm room, calling back “See you tomorrow, Kyoko.”
Frowning as Makoto hung his head dejectedly while exiting the gymnasium, Kyoko pondered “How can I train Makoto as a combatant?  What’s the answer to this puzzle?”
XXX
Several hours later, she still hadn’t found her answer.  Kyoko’s room was littered with pieces of crumpled paper, scrawled with discarded ideas on how to alter her teaching regimen to better make her lessons click with Makoto.
“I don’t get it!  Training Makoto in martial arts seems to be next to impossible!”  Shaking her head at the thought of giving up, Kyoko declared “NO!  Get a hold of yourself, Kyoko Kirigiri.  You’re the Ultimate Detective.  You’ve solved greater mysteries than this!  You’ve just gotta play to Makoto’s strengths.  So think; what is Makoto good at?”
Kyoko instantly flashed back to the various trials at Hope’s Peak, remembering how she was constantly impressed at how easily he pieced together how the murders occurred and who the blackened was.
“He easily gave me a run for my money.  He solved all of those mysteries, those puzzles…”  Kyoko’s eyes widened as she realized “Wait, puzzle!”
She grabbed her notebook again and started writing again, hit by an instant flash of inspiration.
“Maybe…if I present it like this…and get him to analyze it…yes, that could work.  I think I found it!”
XXX
Kyoko threw open the doors of the gymnasium, dragging Makoto by the hood of his signature hoodie with one hand as she held several loose papers in the other.
Okay, what’s going on?  I know she said we’d pick up combat training again after my bruises healed, but why did she feel the need to drag me along without even a word?  And what’s with those papers in her hand?  And why is she smiling?  She looks way too happy!
After approaching the same mat they trained on last session, Kyoko finally let go of his hoodie, bluntly informing him “Your bruises have healed, so we’re going to resume training today.”
Chuckling, Makoto replied “…Yeah, I figured as much.  So what are we starting with?  More drills?”
Kyoko shook her head, much to Makoto’s surprise as she explained “We’re not jumping into physical exercise just yet.  Instead, we’re going to do some theoretical exercises first.”
“Theoretical…exercises?” Makoto asked, baffled and not having a clue what Kyoko even meant.
“…Perhaps an example will make my intentions clear…”
Kyoko sat down on the mat and crossed her legs, gesturing for Makoto to sit down next to her.  Unsure what she was planning to do, but trusting her nonetheless, Makoto followed suit, sitting down on her right.
She handed Makoto a piece of paper and instructed “Read the paragraph aloud.”
Nodding, Makoto read “A local yakuza corners you in an alley and throws a straight punch at your ribcage using his right fist.  What is the optimal course of action for this assault?”
So…she’s trying to teach me with theoretical examples?  Unable to resist, he smiled awkwardly and joked “Run and hide while I wait for you to come kick his butt?”
Rolling her eyes, Kyoko slapped him on the back of his head and admonished “Focus, Naegi-kun.  You need to take this seriously.”
It was rare to hear Kyoko refer to him by his surname, and it only happened when she was lecturing him after making a blunder.  Getting the hint, Makoto rubbed his head and focused, trying to remember her prior lecture about straight punches.
Let’s see…they have a lot of power, but have no directional control once they start.  Reminds me of how Mondo knocked me out during Hope’s Peak.  Shaking the distracting thought away, Makoto thought Lack of directional control, lack of directional control…I got it!  “Well, it would probably to circle your primary arm around his so that you could parry his elbow.  Then you could throw a punch with the same motion to his shoulder to make his stumble and create an opening for escape, right?”
Smiling in victory, Kyoko replied “Very good.  That’s an excellent counterstrategy.  Care to put it into practice?”
Gulping, Makoto nodded and agreed ”Sure, why not?”
With that Kyoko cleared her papers to the side as they both stood up, taking proper stances as their new drill began.
XXX
“AGH!  OOF!”
Kyoko fell flat on her back, shellshocked at how far Makoto had come.  He had executed that first example scenario flawlessly, making her spin as her punch was deflected and his counterattack hit her right shoulder with accuracy.  After that, they rinsed and repeated with all of the other example scenarios Kyoko had written. 
He did them all perfectly.  After just one try.  ONE…FREAKING…TRY!
“Kyoko!  Are you okay?  Did I hit you too hard?”
Kyoko looked up to see Makoto’s worried face staring down at her.  She couldn’t help it; she laughed.  Not just a quiet laugh that she showed more often; this was a full belly laugh. 
“Kyoko?  Are you alright?”
It wasn’t that Makoto never wanted her to laugh, but the current magnitude was uncharacteristic of her, which made him worry that something was wrong.
Finally quieting down, she stood up and assured him “I’m fine, Makoto.”  A proud smile on her face, she praised “Congratulations, Makoto Naegi; you’ve graduated!”
A gleeful grin growing on his face, Makoto bowed and exclaimed “Thank you for your instruction, sensei!”
“I knew this was the best way to teach you.  After all…” Kyoko smirked and finished “You’re really good at puzzles.”
“Puzzles?”  Makoto cocked his head in confusion until he realized “Wait, so those example scenarios…they were…puzzles?”
Nodding, Kyoko explained “I remembered how well you did in the Class Trials, how you pieced the evidence together to solve the mysteries of Hope’s Peak Academy.  You have a very analytical mind, Makoto; all it took was knowing how to apply it.”  Kyoko turned around and said “Well, I’m going to head to my room now; after all, I now have some bruises of my own to nurse.”
“W…wait.  I’ll come with you.  I’ll grab some ice from the kitchen.  It’s the least I can do after I…”
Chuckling, Kyoko acquiesced “Well alright.  I’ll be waiting for you in my room.”
As they temporarily split up, Kyoko couldn’t help but smile as she continued to think of her pupil.
Whether I simply trust him or love him…that’s the real puzzle…one I still can’t figure out… 
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1stunseeliefaelass · 4 years ago
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Darksiders Arthurian Tales Revisited
Chapter 20: Nightmares in Madness
Morgen is grabbed out of the air by several tendrils from the sleeve of the hand that had reached for her. These tendrils pull her into the hand, where she is wrapped in deep shadow. Morgen tries to wrestle free of the being's grasp, and hears him taunt her.
"Why are you running my sweet Ilona, don't you want to see what they do next?"
He then allows only her head to come free in order to direct her attention towards the cell. Morgen can see inside there as both versions of Uther talk backwards, but where her and the being were are empty spaces that they speak to. Everything in terms of damage or other actions is being rewinded. Morgen takes a glance back at the being, or his hand anyway.
"What is happening? What are you doing?"
"I am only redoing my handiwork. So that you may see it from my perspective. Is it not marvelous?" Morgen then glances further at where she had been before her head is shoved down, "Look down there. See the rest of my work as well."
Morgen tries to move her head or turn away, but cannot. On the lowest platform is a ruined kingdom that Uther is watching being destroyed. It comes back up only to be brought to ruin yet again by various factors. In some cases it's natural disasters, other times different groups of people, wars with other kingdoms, time ravaging it. Uther sees all of this, and is devastated each time. Morgen then sees the tavern again with the same loop she saw earlier. With everyone killing Uther after the fifth loop each time. Morgen can only shut her eyes due to her current position.
"Take a good long look Ilona, this is the fate of mortals who meddle with our affairs or simply cross us the wrong way. This is our retribution, our vengeance. Your vengeance."
"What?"
The being rubs her head as if she were a child, "Now now my little Ilona, this is your vengeance against Uther. I simply enact it on your behalf. Your every wish against him in one massive nightmare. I dare say, it's my best work."
Morgen refuses to open her eyes, "No....I won't see more of this...I'm done...just let me leave."
Course the being then notices her horns, and comments on their growing, "How lovely, looking more and more like yourself everyday. I am so proud. Is this one alright, is it healing nicely? I hope so."
"Why....why care so much? When you haven't...before now." Morgen inquires in fear. Course she's also starting to become dizzy again.
"Take a look, watch when the differences happen."
Course when Morgen does so, she sees herself in each scene. Her younger self in the tavern saving him from the stabbing. Herself as a teen helping to rebuild everything and helping him to make sure it's stable. The final one is self explanatory as far as Morgen can tell. That's when she also sees a black substance rising towards them. A bifurcated eye that looks like a goat or sheep's eye then appears. With eyelids that look like teeth in a mouth as it closes. The eye collects the dark energy in a ball and then it looks towards Morgen expectantly.
"What is this?" Morgen questions him nervously.
"Proper nourishment. Your growth has been slowed down, stunted. By what I do not know, aside from the fact that your lack of proper nutrients isn't helping it. Take this Ilona, consume it. The dizzy spells will cease if you do, I promise you."
Morgen slowly reaches her hand out towards it, only for the energy to immediately rush into her. With that the being sees her go limp on his hand, and continues to watch her for a moment. Then Morgen's eyes suddenly snap open, revealing eyes that are empty sockets. The area around them cracking like porcelain. Where her eyes were, small lights appear in the sockets to match the color of her eyes. At this point, the lights are red.
"Better. Oh how beautiful you are. Do you wish to see it?"
Morgen nods and waits as mirror shards form together in a semblance of how it once was before shattering. She peers into it and while outwardly she reveals nothing, on the inside Morgen is horrified. That's only the beginning though, as Morgen hears the being tell her,
"Aren't you just beautiful? If only your Mother could see you now. I'm sure she would be delighted. Although perhaps it would be more appropriate for your brother to see you first. Surely he'd be ecstatic to see how well you've blossomed my sweet Ilona. My darling daughter."
It's then that Morgen takes back control but is unable to change back. In her panic she screams, "Who are you?!"
"My sweet Ilona, I am your Father. You may however call me Verdak if you so choose. Oh how I have longed for this day." Verdak tells her whilst gently rubbing her face.
Suddenly they hear another voice, "Release her NOW!"
The hand is suddenly severed and Verdak's head blows up. Morgen falls into the black abyss for a short time before being caught. Morgen looks and sees a midnight blue hand barely hiding in the darkness. It lifts her up towards a slit that seems to suggest there's an eye there.
"Do you need any assistance?"
"I cannot change back, and I don't know how I got here. What's even going on? And finally, who are you?" Morgen questions him.
"My name's Gishkim Nergal, the Wiseman. Call me Gishkim, Nergal, or Wiseman. Any will do." Nergal tells her warmly in a tone deeper than his usual one.
"YOU." Verdak growls.
"Yes me. And I must be taking this poor lady back where she belongs. So I must bid you adieu." Nergal tells him.
With that he cups Morgen in his hand and hurries to leave Uther's mind. Making a mental call to Morgen's mind, specifically to a being inside it.
"Dear I need a portal back to Morgen's mind. Can you do that pretty please?"
A portal of light suddenly opens and Nergal rushes through it with Morgen in his hand. He gets through it just in time for it to shut on Verdak before he can reach them. He does fire some attacks that land however. Injuring Nergal visibly but he handles it fairly well. Nergal then asks Morgen, "Are you alright?"
"Please help me....I don't know how to turn back....I'm scared."
"Relax relax, it's just another nightmare. Relax and you will be alright. Just relax, close your eyes, and it'll all be better." Nergal promises her.
Morgen does so a bit fearfully and when opening them again she jolts in her bed. Panicking as she looks around horrified. She spends an uncomfortable amount of time looking at herself in the mirror she has. The final thing she does is check her horns, which have in fact grown and are definitely noticeable now. Though they've not started to curl yet. She suddenly sees Verdak's eyes in the mirror and her first instinct is to hit the mirror. It shatters predictably, and her hand is bloodied as a result of the few cuts she's given herself. Immediately War rushes in, having promised to watch out for Morgen for Death. He quickly shouts for Merlin to hurry down whilst checking Morgen's hand over carefully.
"Alright I'm coming. Better have good reason for interrupting my lun....OH MERCIFUL CREATOR WOMAN WHAT DID YOU TO?!"
Morgen can only shake a bit, staring at her broken mirror in fear. Merlin pays it no mind as he takes her away for treatment. War just looks at the mirror in bewilderment, wondering what possessed Morgen to shatter it. He could've sworn he saw something other than himself, but doesn't see it when checking. Regardless he makes a note to inform Death, remembering now how Crom often used this trick on Death sometimes.
Merlin meanwhile makes sure to wrap Morgen's hand gently. Morgen begins sobbing during the process, and Merlin is unsure of what he can possibly do right now. Death has already been taken to Ale's village to receive treatment of his own. He ultimately decides to call Ale up as Morgen continues crying.
"Eh Ale....we've got a problem. Is your boy available by chance?"
"Death's already in a pod Merlin. He's not asleep, but stopping now wouldn't be wise. Has something happened?" Ale inquires.
"Morgen's in a bad way, and I don't know how to comfort her. I'm not sure what I can say to help her calm down. She's scared, deeply upset, and more."
"Hmm...maybe I can ask Death if he's ok with being linked to Morgen's mind whilst he sleeps. That way he can still talk to her in a way." Ale suggests.
"I can do that easily. They'll just have to wear a certain crystal around their necks. So we may have to stop the process anyway Ale."
Ale sighs and says, "Send it over the minute it's ready. We'll wait until then."
"Should only be a few seconds."
Merlin then grasps two crystal pendants in his hands and begins casting a spell. Meanwhile Ale pauses the pod filling up and makes sure Death remains calm.
"Stay calm Atan, I need to ask you something."
"That being Ceise?" Death asks nervously.
"Would you be willing to link your mind to Morgen's whilst you're sleeping? She needs some support right now, and Merlin can't seem to be that for her. She's scared and very upset according to Merlin."
"Shit. Something must've entered her dreams again. Link me to her, maybe I can keep her mind safe. Anything to keep her out of harm whilst I'm stuck here." Death replies with a vigor.
"Good. I'll let Merlin know. Just sit tight Atan." Ale tells him before letting Merlin know the plan is official.
Merlin can only nod as the enchantment is complete. However it can only activate when both recipients get their necklaces on their necks. The carved crystals came from the same massive crystal, making their connection strong. This also ensures the magic is just as strong. He places them on gold chains as well, just to be safe. Morgen puts hers on quietly as Merlin sends the other necklace to Ale. Ale gets it through a mini portal then opens a small door on the top of the pod. This is to reach Death's neck, as he can't put it on himself since he's now attached to the pod via tubes. He does however try to make it easier by lifting himself up to get closer to Ale. Ale quickly gets it on him and tells Death to lay back down. Once he does he takes a few deep breaths as Ale closes the pod back up. Then the process starts up again, stopping only when Death is completely submerged in a healing liquid. The same liquid gets pumped through the tubes and thusly into his body. Eventually Death feels himself slipping into the sleep like state, as his vision and hearing fades. Finally his eyes shut, and he finds himself in Morgen's mind. He decides to meditate there until she sleeps that night. But makes sure to use a spell to spread some calm throughout her mind. That way she can at least get through the day. Even asking her to make sure Fuzzball gets sheered today too. Morgen takes note of both occurrences and begins to calm down finally.
Meanwhile Aspen checks on Nergal, and finds him injured and in severe pain. Naturally Aspen screams in worry and instantly hugs him. Course Nergal starts picking up on her worry for him whilst fighting Verdak. Intending to banish him from Uther's mind, yet failing to do so.
"YOU MUST BE GROWING WEARY AGAIN. NIGHT AFTER NIGHT, DAY AFTER DAY. HOW LONG CAN YOU KEEP THIS UP?" Verdak growls at him.
"As long as necessary."
"QUIT PRETENDING TO BE A HERO. WE BOTH KNOW THAT'S FALSE. YOU ONLY PRETEND FOR THE TREE. BUT HOW LONG CAN YOU HOLD THIS CHARADE? CAN YOU HEAR HER? DO YOU NOT HEAR HER SCREAMING?"
Nergal gets pissed off, "First off she's a Dryad. Second off, I'm pretty sure everything's alright. Third off, time's already running out. Uther's starting to wake up."
The two continue to clash as everything begins to turn white. Finally Nergal wakes up in Aspen's arms. He reciprocates her hug and lovingly tells her, "I'm awake Aspen, I'm here. Everything's fine I promise."
"Why are you HURT?! This is really bad Nergal!" Aspen questions him worried.
"It's not that bad I've had worse. Remember the Fomorians and Tuatha de Danann war? Trust me, this is nothing. Come now with your healing, I'll be in shape again in no time. Now please do not scream anymore, you'll ruin your throat that way. Then I'll be unable to listen to your sweet voice."
Aspen blushes hard and tells him as pinkish red flowers sprout all over her, "Now now, don't think you're getting out of it this time. Just because your words are sweet doesn't mean it works all the time."
"Oh but they do my love, and I can prove it."
Nergal then pulls her in for a kiss. Wanting to comfort and relax her. Course he's also trying to distract her from asking too many questions about him. When Aspen breaks the kiss she tells him, "That is not using your words."
"Maybe not. But it's still the perfect tongue twister isn't it?"
Aspen only giggles before kissing him again. The two continue 'enjoying each other's company' as Morgen sends Fuzzball to Ale with Merlin's help. From there Ale remembers he needed a shearing and gently works to get his fur cut to a manageable length. Morgen eventually goes outside after Death gives her a bit of coaxing and finds C training with Gregory. Course the old Dwarf can only do so much to teach her now. Morgen can't help but watch a bit in curiosity before Bardak and Sygr catch her attention. Both men are currently arguing on how best to tackle Arn's own training whilst Esmie is just making sure Arn is ok with it. Morgen finally goes up to the two as they argue.
"Now now you two. What's the arguement over then hmm?"
"This old werebear Orc seems to think he knows everything." Sygr protests to her.
Bardak shakes finger at him, "Now now I never said I knew everything. Only that I know a lot. Enough to know full well that the boy has anger problems that need controlling. If anybody should teach him how, it's an elder that can actually keep their anger in check."
"You think I can't pooh bear?"
"Not if yer already insulting me."
Both men growl at each other before Morgen steps in, "How about you both help instead of arguing? As nothing will get done if you argue all day. Besides I don't think the boy is too keen on watching you bicker like children."
They both look at Arn who seems to be watching them with annoyance and eagerness, "Yeah are we going to get this done or do I need popcorn?"
They both tell him to zip it, but Arn doesn't care. He just laughs as the two growl at each other again. Morgen then looks at War as he's watching Gregory with C, "Hey War, a little help over here? These two are getting on each other's nerves. At this point there won't be any training unless they can compromise somehow."
"Hmm? Oh sure. I'll see what's going on. But don't expect much. I'm a tactician sure, but still a warrior first and foremost. If you want a councilor, talk to Death. Or in some cases Strife will do, but only when he's had enough Jagermeister. " War tells her honestly.
Strife looks at him offended, "You....you bitch..how dare you man?"
"At least I'm loyal to a point."
"Yeah but you're vicious to a point too apparently. Asshole." Strife retorts.
Morgen hears Death chuckle inside her head and chuckles alongside him, "Your older brother is laughing at you so you know."
They both look at her weird and Strife tells her, "Well he would be if he was here."
"Technically he is in a way. He's seeing this through me right now." Morgen explains.
"Well he has been wanting to get inside y..." Strife tries to say before War knocks him upside the head.
"Don't you even finish that thought."
"What?! He ain't here, he isn't gonna be able to do shit." Strife remarks.
"Until he's done healing. What do you think his first agenda will be?"
Strife thinks about it briefly and suddenly realizes what War's talking about. He gets a concerned look before saying, "How about you go help those two train Arn and I'll uh...go find Miriam bye!"
"Well he took off quickly." Morgen remarks with a quiet snort as she giggles.
"He just knows he's being watched. Either way I'll get on the whole training bit soon. Good day." War states before going up to the arguing gentleman and suddenly slams their heads together, "If I have to put your minds together this way then we clearly have a problem. Now quit your bickering and let's get to work."
Sygr looks at him bewildered, "We're taller than you."
"Then you can consider me the wolverine in this scenario. And Bardak should know damn well what they're capable of doing."
Bardak just nods, "Yep yep uh huh."
"Now shut up and let's get moving!"
Death begins laughing in his sleep in the pod, and Ale can't help but wonder what's amusing him so much. Morgen meanwhile chooses to vacate and head back inside. She finds Harker laying on a pile of cushions in his true form. His tail lightly thumping against the ground as Puck is singing secret fuck ballads for Titania and Oberon. Vortigern meanwhile is flustered by the ballads and Morgen comes up to him.
"Hello Uncle, are you well?"
"I can only imagine what those songs currently mean. And by the way Titania and Oberon are holding each other, it can't be anything good."
"It's a matter of perspective really. Then again you're not exactly being forced to listen now are you?" Morgen queries.
Vortigern shakes and sighs, "Ah you're right. Anyway have you seen the girls lately?"
"No, although they're likely in their room playing. Why, is something troubling you?"
"Just worried is all. After Uther I'm partially paranoid lately. I mean Uther tried to murder them, murder me." Vortigern tells her.
"All just to reach me. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this Uncle."
Vortigern only grasps her hand, "Don't you go apologizing for things that are not your fault. Uther is responsible for his actions, not you."
Morgen just hugs him, which he reciprocates. Course he notices her horns are now longer than before.
"Hmm, that's interesting. May I ask?"
"Oh about these? Well it's quite the long story. One I'd prefer to tell in private." Morgen informs him. Course she is aware Death is listening either way, but doesn't seem to mind. Even though Death reminds her that she can always remove her necklace for privacy if she wants.
"We can easily do that, if you wish to tell."
Morgen only nods and follows him out of the throne room. From there he brings Morgen to his room and sits on his bed as Morgen sits on a small couch nearby. After a moment of silence, Morgen finally begins to tell him. She explains how she's been receiving terrifying dreams lately. How she's able to enter the dreams of others. And how this time she randomly entered Uther's mind somehow. Vortigern is astounded at this information and horrified by what Morgen tells him she saw in Uther's mind. Death is equally as horrified as Vortigern is when hearing about this most recent dream. Vortigern wants to speak but is at a loss for words. Only in shock as he listens to Morgen. When she finally ends the story, Morgen hears Death in her head,
"I don't entirely understand what the hell's going on. Are you alright after that?"
"I believe so, although there's a part of me that feels I should help him somehow. As I told Vortigern, I saw versions of myself in his mind helping him." Morgen replies in her head.
"That's currently how Uther sees how and Verdak wants to frame it. Based on what I have heard." Death informs her.
"You think he wants Uther to believe I can help him?"
"He wants him to think that you're all he has. That you're the only one who can. Which isn't true. It doesn't help that Uther's possessiveness over you would ensure he'd do anything to keep you with him. And that he'll stop at nothing to see you returned to his side."
Morgen thinks a moment to herself, "In other words he's ruthless, what else is new?"
"I can hear you Morgen, remember that. You don't get privacy while the necklace is on your neck."
"How is it I'm not in your mind though?"
Death chuckled, "Trust me, you don't want to be in here. But to answer the question, it's likely because you aren't actively trying to enter my mind. I'm the one entering your head right now."
"Typical response." Morgen thinks to herself.
"Like that isn't so typical?" Death inquires sarcastically.
Morgen just facepalms when he says that, getting another chuckle out of him.
"Everything alright?" Vortigern asks her a bit concerned.
"Hmm, oh I'm fine. Death and I are just linked right now. He's able to hear me and my thoughts." Morgen explains simply.
"Oh ok then."
"Besides we don't know how long Uther's been terrorized by Verdak. It could be recent." Death tells her.
"I don't think so. I recall the duality being a thing ever since I've known him. It's just gotten worse over time."
"Even if that is the case, what can you hope to accomplish Morgen?" Death inquires.
"I feel like I should help him. And that if I don't who else will?"
Death immediately tells her, "NO. That is a TERRIBLE idea, actually more like STUPID. Do you truly believe Uther can be saved, or that he even wants to be saved at all? Can you honestly tell me he ever wanted help from anyone before now?"
"He never wanted it, nor has he ever asked." Morgen admits to him.
"And THAT is why he is a lost cause. Unless Uther ever wanted help to begin with, if he truly ever asked for it even once, then there is no hope for the man. You cannot save a man who doesn't want you to do that. It is NOT your responsibility to FIX him, nor it is your job to give him help he doesn't even want."
"But who will help him if I don't? Who will show the courage to do so if not me?"
"Morgen you wouldn't be helping him at all! He would just use you as an excuse! Your constant support would only ever be thrown back in your face! He would use you to cope and pretend as if nothing is wrong! You would become part of his facade, part of the masquerade that is his life. You'd ultimately become an empty shell, a husk, a puppet on strings he'll twist for the rest of your days! I DO NOT want you to become an empty shell all for the sake of a man who doesn't want to improve."
Morgen's eyes widen at this but she tries to keep it up, "And what about Verdak? Is he not the cause of Uther's madness?"
"I can ask you the same thing about Crom. The excuse of a being in his head does not work here. Because you're talking to a man who has the same problem. The big difference though is, I know when to ask for help. My family and friends made ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT I LEARNED HOW TO ASK FOR HELP. Uther has never once asked for help, as we've already discussed. Another thing worth noting here, is that I know fully well that Crom was never the cause of my mental state. Just as Verdak was never the cause of Uther's." Death retorts.
"What are you getting at?" Morgen inquires cautiously.
"Morgen, I was a disturbed, twisted, monster in my youth. Far worse than the man you know now. I will forever be haunted by the things I've done whilst I was like that. I was that man before Crom ever came into my life. Sure he doesn't help my mental state, but he had nothing to do with it regardless of how much I hate to say it. The same can be said of Uther in my opinion. Uther was already a dangerous, unstable man before Verdak came into the picture. He was just better at controlling it before Verdak popped the cork that made him snap."
Morgen is silent for a moment before finally saying, "Death, I can't just let this go on."
"I never said you had to. I just refuse to let you do it in a way that makes you the sacrifice here. Morgen, I care about you. I cannot and will not let you do this. Not in good faith or conscience."
Morgen sighed deeply and told him, "If you were going through the same thing, I would still want to save you."
It was Death's turn to sigh then, but he remained steadfast in his judgment. He did however, have one idea for her, "Morgana, I promise you here and now that if Uther survives his defeat, and if you truly want to help him...then he can go to an asylum. Or any other facility where a group of professionals can help him. As the way I see it now, the only way he can get help now is through professionals. A single therapist or family member alone will never be enough."
"Alright...I understand Death. I just wanted to help him so that Barrcus would also be sparred."
Death hugged the version of her that was currently in her mind, "We will figure something out, just trust me Morgen. I only ask that you promise to NOT got back to Uther. Under any circumstances. Swear to me you'll stay with the others."
"I promise, I'll stay here and wait for you. Thank you for hearing me out, even if it is in the form of a compromise that we may not even be able to follow." Morgen tells him.
Suddenly their private conversation is interrupted by a sudden scream of agony mixed with an angry sounding growl. Morgen jumps as Vortigern looks outside to see what's happening. Morgen then hears Death tell her,
"You should go see what's wrong. Just stay safe while you're at it."
"Naturally, I'll be sure you're aware of what's wrong after the fact." Morgen replies before hurrying out.
Meanwhile Sygr is writhing in searing pain as the rune has activated. His time limit to find Arn and the others has run out. Merlin is already there as Morgen comes outside.
"What's happened?!" Morgen asks him in worry.
"I don't fucking know. Looks like a mark of doom, all I know is it's a timebomb and I'M WORKING ON IT." Merlin tells her before casting a circle over the rune to try and prevent it from spreading. Vein like extensions are coming off the rune and having ignited just inches away from it. Morgen naturally tries using her healing magic on Sygr as best she can. Esmie is just holding Arn back with Bardak's help.
Arn is of course freaking out and begging them, "Do what you must but ensure that he survives!"
Arn is then pulled back inside the castle by Esmie and Bardak. Morgen meanwhile, begins to feel a strange sensation in her horns. Sure enough, a strange light is starting to travel up her horns. Coiling around them like etchings on glass. War remains there just in case he's needed and watches the strange sight unfold. Course the veins are also starting to recede as the markings appear on Morgen's horns. However, similar veins begin appearing on Morgen's neck and travel up her chin. Morgen feels likes she's being choked out.
"What the hell's going on?" Merlin mutters whilst looking at her.
Death however shouts at her, "Stop this now, before you pass out!"
Suddenly a hand swats her away, that being Sygr's, and breaks her concentration. Morgen lays on the ground for a short time, coughing badly. Vortigern comes out about this time and quickly scoops up Morgen from the ground.
"What's going on here?!"
"I don't know, Morgen started glowing here and this guy here looks like he's about to die!" Merlin shouts at him.
"Die?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN DIE?!" Arn yells from inside.
"I said looks like boy! Nothing is certain yet!"
Vortigern then helps Morgen back inside and has Mina examine her. Mina also looks through some Barrcus' books that remain there. In case there's any information to help Sygr. With this Mina realizes what they need, doesn't exist.
"Oh no."
"What is...it Mina?" Morgen questions her.
"Unfortunately......what we need doesn't exist. Dream trees."
"Surely there's something...how do we grow one?"
Mina shakes her head, "Ye need a moonfruit tree, a spot that's considered holy to a dream entity, and true to form necromancy used when growing said moonfruit tree from a dead one. You also need demon and angel magic to aid with the tree as well. And the soul of a pure being that died tragically before their life even began. Finally the souls of wrongfully murdered who recently departed, and the power of the moon infused into it."
Morgen leans back in her seat a bit defeated, ultimately falling asleep there. She finds Death in her mind meditating and she tiredly fills him in. Laying in Death's lap in her exhaustion, which he doesn't seem to mind. Course he does scoot her in a way that ensures her butt is in his lap and not her head. As that was a bit awkward for him due to a few factors. As Death held her in his arms and listened to her explain the situation, an unexpected visitor came by.
"Hello there!" Nergal exclaimed in minor excitement.
Course Death didn't recognize him in his midnight blue skintone and went to draw his blades. He's stopped by Morgen though, "Don't. He helped me get out of the dream."
"Seriously? This weirdo helped out?" Death asks.
"Despite what you think Horseman I'm actually rather affective against Verdak the Mad." Nergal explains.
It's then that Death seems to recognize him, "Oh Nergal. Is that form just one you take in people's minds? Or is it for a different reason?"
"Uhm it's one that I put on for entering people's minds. Makes the trip easier."
Death cocks his head, sensing that things aren't what they seem. But he's letting it go for now. "You were able to help her out of that situation. I must thank you, and ask that you continue on. I may be able to protect her in her own mind or mine. But in Uther's? I'm not so sure about my chances."
"Right right. Anyway so what seems to be the problem here? I'm sensing some turmoil in here." Nergal asks.
"Well Morgen told me she needs something from a dream tree to help a man we met recently. He's a werewolf, and according to Morgen had a strange rune on him." Death explains.
"You're in her mind, surely you saw the rune yourself."
"I did, but only briefly. Mostly started to focus on her after that since she seemed like something was choking her." Death explains.
Nergal looks at Morgen, "That's explains the exhaustion and lethargy. Did you recall what it was doing by chance? Just so I can be sure you do indeed need what you say you do."
"It looked like veins were traveling through the body from the rune and igniting with silver flames. It's not something I'm too familiar with myself."
"Of that I'm not surprised Horseman. But knowing this, it seems you do indeed need the tree. Or rather the fruits of it. I'll be on my way to your physical location soon. Which is where exactly?" Nergal states.
"I'm in my Mother's village, Morgen is at Titania's home..well castle. That's where you should be if you can help." Death expresses to him.
"Titania's castle, right. I'll go collect what I have and be on my way."
From there he departs from Morgen's mind, leaving the two in peace. Death then notices Morgen seems to have hit the rem stage in her sleep.
"Hmm, must've been truly exhausted by everything. Not that I blame you."
Course he's on alert again when sensing a presence watching them. Naturally he starts looking around, and eventually gently places Morgen on the ground so that his movements won't wake her. Death gently brushes his finger along her face before glancing around.
"Who's there? I know you're out there. Reveal yourself."
"I mean no harm. I only wish to speak if anything. Preferably before Verdak notices Morgen's asleep." A feminine voice tells him.
Death wheels around to where he heard the voice come from. He finds a woman standing there who looks similar to Morgen, but it definitely isn't her. In fact she looks like the woman he saw alongside Morgen in his dream where Morgen rescued him from Lilith's clutches.
"You....I've seen you before. But who are you?"
"My name is Yrlena. I'm revealing myself now because there's some things about 'Morgen' that you should know. Such as her actual name for instance." Yrlena says summoning a cloud for a seat.
"Why am I not surprised that you're summoning a cloud to sit on?"
Yrlena only snickered, "It is quite the neat little ability. Either way, the woman you know as Morgen, I and many others in the Dream Realm know as Ilona."
"Wait...how does Morgen relate to the Dream Realm? She's a Faerie."
"The horns are not of a Fae, not even an Unseelie Fae. These are the horns of a Dream Entity. A denizen of the realm itself. There's no official name for our race really, but you get the idea nonetheless." Yrlena explains simply.
"Hmm...I thought the Dream Realm was purely psychic. Nothing physical about it."
"It is physical, but one can only enter through mental means. It's paradoxical I know, but it is what it is. Normally you need to enter it by choice, although you can be pulled in by another. Be warned though, if you go there without some sort of magical projection you will burn alive. Hell's very fires will seem like a hot sweltering day when compared to the flames you'll burst into there. Think spontaneous combustion but you're aware of it and it's truly painful." Yrlena tells him.
"Ah...well then..that's WOW! Noted. Definitely noted. Also, how Morgen in anyway related to Verdak, why is he after her?"
"Ilona is my sister, specifically my younger one. While Verdak is essentially the dark half of our Father's psyche. The Nightmare side of him. One he's not aware of."
Death's eyes widen in shock, "Why is he not aware of that? Why haven't you made him aware? Doesn't he know what he does to his children? How is he not aware with all the crap going on?"
"My Mother asked those of us who knew to not tell him. We do this because there's a certainty that he will become Verdak for a time. Then he will forget. Verdak is aware of our Father, but he is not aware of Verdak being him. If that makes any sense." Yrlena states calmly.
"Who is your Father?! Azathoth?! Last time I checked, Lovecraft was just a mentally screwed up man!"
Yrlena snickers, "Oh the stories I could tell you about those dreams and nightmares of his. But that's for another time. Once the fruits are consumed by the werewolf you're aiding, make sure the seeds are saved up. With them you can make sure the tree grows all the stronger and faster."
"Wait...why are you telling me to do this?"
"Ilona needs better nutrients. Otherwise her potential won't be realized in time, also her energy will improve drastically. Which is necessary as she's growing into her own." Yrlena informs him.
"Growing into her own...what do you mean by that?"
"Her true self is coming forth at last. The horns and her tattoos looking iridescent are proof enough." Yrlena explains.
"Would that also explain why she's getting paler?"
"That's just her needing the nutrients. Again my advice will help, trust me."
Death eyes her suspiciously then begins feeling a presence tugging at him, "Wait what the....AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Yrlena is surprised by a portal dragging Death into it before suddenly closing up. Naturally she's worried and tries waking Morgen up. Meanwhile Death realizes he's in his own head now. He notices a swirling void all around him and then hears Verdak's voice.
"Well well well. If it isn't the interloper."
"Said the being invading my head." Death retorts.
"All dreams are my territory, same goes for yours. So let's make this simple, you stop meddling in my affairs or I make your nights a living hell."
"I have lived with nightmares of Lilith, Crom, and many others in my life. They haven't killed me yet." Death proclaims.
"Aw as always you are so simple. Just as any other who misunderstands the way our kind works. You see, I need nightmares to feed. More specifically, the feelings that come with them. However, I can take it step farther than most of my kin. I can cause men to die in their sleep, turn them into husks in their very beds. For you see, if I send the right types of nightmares, it can kill you in real life should you die within it."
"Yeah yeah yeah, big talk. How do you plan on doing that?"
"I dunno, something from your past?" Verdak responds before laughing maniacally.
Death is suddenly witness to a black fog coming from Verdak's eyes as he laughs. The eyes blinking and squinting sporadically as if they were his mouth. Death shuts his eyes but it does him no good. He ends up being forced down to his knees by something and when he opens them again, he finds himself in Eden.
"Eden? But why?"
"You know fully well...why you are here...brother."
Death froze at the voice behind him, "No....no it can't be....you're dead..."
"I will only die....when you forget me." Absalom says before Death sees his silhouette behind him raise his axe.
Death quickly dodges to the right as the axe hits the ground. Absalom however isn't quite done talking, "There's more here than meets the eye in actuality. Why don't you look upon your machinations?! Your greatest accomplishment of all!"
Death reluctantly turns where Absalom gestures and sees a horrifying creature. It's hand appeared as though Black Mercy was melded into it. It's legs and lower half in general resembled that of Earth Reaver's. It's other hand was Mortis itself. Many other Grand Abominations Death knew clung to this fleshy golem in horrible places. A true horror created from his greatest sin in all of Creation.
"THIS ISN'T REAL! I KNOW IT'S NOT! YOU WON'T FOOL ME VERDAK!" Death shouted in a mix of anger, repulsion, and fear.
"I don't need to fool you Horseman. This Nightmare may have only just begun, but it is still very much a danger to you. This thing won't ever relent, unless I choose to make it stop. I suggest you run Horseman, if you're fast enough to dodge the bullets you might just survive."
Verdak laughs again in that demented tone as Death stares at the creature. It's head turns to him and asks one thing, "WHY?"
"W-what....no....no I....I'm sorry...I'm sorry...."
"WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO US?! WHY?!" The being shouts, shaking the ground beneath them. It then lifts its Black Mercy arm.
Death is forced to run and dodge as bullets fly through the air after him. It's like going up against a minigun. Eventually he finds cover and hides there. The voices ringing out in anger and pure hatred of him.
Suddenly he feels the tectonics of the area beginning to shift and begins to worry all the more. He looks down and sees a giant crack in the ground. Magma begins to bubble up from it and Death dodges forward quickly as it spews forth from the crack. Death then is forced to flee further. Sprinting as fast as he can manage. These explosions continue in front of him however and force him to keep dodging. Course he's unable to dodge very well forever. Eventually a stray spray of hot air hits Death's arm.
"Gah! Nnngh...ah!"
"Funny, I wonder what it looks like on the other side."
Death is then shown how it looks whilst he's in the pod. Ale is panicking over him as he thrashes about in pain inside the pod. Llildan is doing all he can to try and help but can't do much ultimately. Suddenly a shot rang out and a bullet grazed Death's arm. While Verdak did weaken the gun severely, his arm is in massive pain. The muscles contract tightly and pull on each other.
"Nnnnnnrgh! Aerrrrrgh! Urrrrraaah! Motherfucker...!" Death growls in agony.
Course he's now able to hear Ale screaming for him, "ATAN!"
He looks up and sees he's convulsing in the pod. All of a sudden a familiar voice rings out. It both relieves and scares him to death.
"BRO! Gramps called are you ok?!"
"STRIFE GET THE FUCK DOWN!" Death immediately shouts at Strife.
A shot barely misses his head, causing Strife to immediately duck. Strife then notices Death's arm once he'd behind cover.
"Dude what the fuck's wrong with your arm?!"
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"
"Bitch I still remember how to get in your brain whenever Crom's causing shit. But THIS IS SOMETHING ELSE. The fuck is going on here?!" Strife shouts back.
"Indeed little brother. What is going on here?" Absalom says to them, having caught up to Death in the chaos.
"What the...HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? You're DEAD." Strife growls at him.
"Dead, but not forgotten. I will haunt our brother until the day he loses his mind or life. And even then I'll still be there."
"LIKE FUCKING HELL YOU WILL YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Strife yells before moving to stand.
Death immediately grabs him, "STRIFE STAY DOWN! DON'T!"
Absalom starts to swing his axe but Strife quickly shoves Death aside. Course he's clipped himself and is sent flying a bit. Hitting a wall and slamming into the ground.
"STRIFE!"
"Now, let's see who dies first today. The traitor, or the nose wiping welp!" Absalom proclaims almost maniacally.
Suddenly a shot hits Absalom in the shoulder, "DON'T EVER CALL ME THAT! EVER!"
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lovehaswonangelnumbers · 5 years ago
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New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/karmic-tools-weekly-forecast-january-12-18-2020/
Karmic Tools Weekly Forecast: January 12 – 18, 2020
Karmic Tools Weekly Forecast: January 12 – 18, 2020
ByKelly M. Beard
The video version of this forecast, as read by Kelly, is available here.
The Karmic Tools Weekly Forecast covers the current planetary transits which affect people in different ways and to various degrees of intensity. Take notice when it is a Personal planet (Sun / Moon / Mercury / Venus / Mars) interacting with a Social (Jupiter/Saturn) or Collective planet (Uranus / Neptune/Pluto). And pay extremely close attention when it is a Social planet interacting with a Collective planet because that means something *big* is brewing that will move large groups of people along their evolutionary paths. Tuning in to the energy and rhythm of the planets can serve as a useful *guide* as you move along your Individual Path. It also helps to understand your place within the context of the larger Social & Collective Story. Below, you will find out how these energies tend to manifest, as well as guidance and direction. 
*NOTE*  There are some days when there are NO CONTACTS (besides the Moon), please note that there are no missing entries, we just list the actual Activations of each week + the day they happen.
Weekly Forecast: January 12 – 18, 2020
1/12 ~ Mercury (thought process) ~conjunct~ Saturn (definition of reality):
This energy is excellent for any important project that requires your undivided attention. If you’ve got a vision and have already outlined how to manifest it, now is the time to really fill in the blanks – flesh it out – bring it to life! Do the work! If you do not channel this energy toward patiently and methodically taking the steps (in order, with no shortcuts) so you can get to the next level, then it can manifest in frustration that you are not doing what you know in your heart you’re supposed to be doing at this time. That often leads to negative thinking and self-sabotage. A better expression would be to not think of the things that can go wrong, but entertain the possibility that every door opens and all paths lead to your goal, no matter how they appear in the moment.
1/12 ~ Mercury (mind, thoughts & ideas) ~conjunct~ Pluto (purification & transformation):
This activation takes you into the depths of your own mind & consciousness, deepening all communications. You may find yourself obsessing over something, either by yourself or in an attempt to convey something to another. Superficial, quick once-overs, trying to keep things ‘light’ will not likely be possible with this energy. You may feel determined to dig deeper until you get to the core or base issue. It’s good for soul-searching when it’s a genuine desire to know the truth, rather than to evade it. It’s not-so-good when you’re obsessing over someone or something which no longer serves you (or your Highest good). The challenge with this energy is the tendency to be really intense and locked-in on your own point of view, which is no less valid, but often this type of mental intensity blinds you to something obvious that you overlooked because you were not being objective, but being driven by much deeper (possibly unconscious) emotions. Your intensity is capable of influencing others but be aware of the difference between sharing information and trying to “convince, convert or cajole” others, as that can naturally attract challenges & opposition. Remember, the opposite can also be true, where you’re on the receiving end of this intense energy from someone else (trying to convince you of something). The best way to use this energy, as it doesn’t really last that long, is to turn that intensity toward Self, peel the layers to your own Truth & Purpose. The channels are open for a time and you can communicate and receive information from the deepest part of your SoulSelf. This is an Initiation.
1/12 ~ Saturn (structures, definitions & reality) ~conjunct~ Pluto (death, rebirth & transformation):
Here we have a Social (Saturn) and Collective (Pluto) planet creating a potent initiation that will likely have long-term influence on your personal life in many ways that only become clear a few years from now. This is an evolutionary process and those with Cancer/Capricorn & Aries/Libra are the ones with karmic ties to this combo. This is not a good versus bad thing, this is just a major Reality Check. I did a little digging and the last time Saturn conjuncted Pluto in Capricorn was 1518 and the last time they Initiated a new cycle was in 1982 in Libra. So they connect every 30-years or so thanks to Saturn’s pattern but Pluto makes it hard to connect in the same sign, so when they do, it symbolizes much more global effects. One thing that jumped out to me was that in the 1400’s it looks like lots of countries around the world wanted to be sovereign and be their own individual country and now we are living in a time when we realize how unrealistic or impractical human created borders can be. This is a time when we know we are all connected and we know that Earth’s resources have to sustain us all.
Saturn is here, in Capricorn, to ensure that this initiation is guided by the Council of Grandmothers who help us feminize the individual evolutionary process and collective revolutionary process. What does that mean? It means it is time to lead with honoring Nature, dealing with what is (not our illusions or delusions) and living in harmony with the Life/Death/Life Cycle. Both Saturn & Pluto do not allow things to live beyond their true usefulness. If all is energy, and certain energy is locked up or blocked so it cannot flow, that creates an unnatural death. If we simply honor that something is dead or done and clear it to bring in the new consciously, then we save ourselves a lot of heartache & trouble. We know that humans have lived in harmony with the Earth for millennia (I didn’t say with each other but they respected Nature) and in a few generations, our industrialization & colonization has created a crisis that we ALL have to address on some level if we are to survive. These two bring up these very real, very heavy-duty subjects and asks us all to face that which we’ve ignored overlong and finally clean it up and free up that energy to move.
An initiation catalyzes the NEW and you will know where your individual focus needs to be by the breakdowns going on in your life at this time. What no longer works for you? What is no longer real for you? And what has gotten so real that you have to rearrange your life to accommodate it? How are your containers supporting & protecting you? Where are the energy leaks? What shortcuts have you taken that will not work this time?
Ultimately, we are living through the ultimate transformation of our reality here on Earth. This is a chance to claim your vision of balance & harmony for Mother Earth, the waters and the soil that we cannot survive without. This year, you can co-create with this activation by simplifying your life, redefining your terms and renegotiating your contracts across the board. What have you agreed to in your heart and on paper that may have run its course by now and requires an upgrade or a new agreement altogether?
Note: This activation is joined by Ceres/The Mother – yet another indication of initiating new ways of nourishing ourselves and nurturing others that is up for renewal. In Capricorn, Ceres says it is time to be completely responsible for your footprint on this planet and it is time to look beyond your Self to see what you are actually contributing to the planet at this time. It really is a delicious opportunity for us ALL to start fresh, with new structures in place that honor everyone’s true purpose on Earth.
1/13 ~ Sun (source & essential Self) ~conjunct~ Pluto (purification & transformation):
This energy brings to mind a quote, “circumstances don’t make a man, they reveal him”. The Sun (ego) and Pluto (transformation) are connecting and you are often a different Being once this energy passes and the two planets separate again (they meet once a year). Pluto brings into the Light, aspects of our Selves which have been buried, neglected or ignored lately (or for some, a very long time). Sometimes that is miraculous & life-saving, and other times this can be arduous & exhausting, but it is completely natural. With this energy, you can now more fully access your Source (Sun) and transcend (Pluto) who you “used to be” and begin to truly embody who you are becoming. Bringing things into the Light comes in many forms, as you question all you thought you were or thought you knew about what you really want to express in this lifetime. You can use this as a Rebirth of Light within you or you can look at it as Light being brought to your deepest, darkest places within to heal them with pure Light. It is an initiation that often requires a release of some kind that, ultimately, allows you to grow & blossom in new, more authentic ways. As always, concentrated power (Pluto) must be responsibly directed, so watch any projections or provoked power struggles and pick your battles (everybody doesn’t like Light in their dark places). It’s time to question if the sacrifice you’re making is truly worth it? Relationships often strain under this influence because it is such *raw truth* rising from the Soul but it also brings things to the surface that are better addressed sooner than later. (Think The Tower card in Tarot.) It doesn’t have to be destroyed (or maybe it does) as much as it needs to be transformed (new form). Remember, breakdowns always precede the breakthroughs!!
1/13 ~ Sun (core-identity) ~conjunct~ Saturn (responsibility):
This energy gives you a strong dose of purpose & direction, but also reminds you that those big dreams require a solid foundation in order to flourish. The wheels that get set in motion this week are creating your future, for better or worse – so pay attention! While this is often about career matters, it is also about your responsibilities in general, the things you have to do that cannot be delegated to others. This is great energy for organizing and planning, creating order, and organizing your Self or your life in some way that fortifies your position. If you don’t “do the work” that you know you are supposed to be doing at the moment, you will only feel worse. So don’t delay anything that can, and probably should, be done sooner versus later. This energy can also make you feel a little lonely or depressed, don’t give in to that. There is a time to be out and about and time to get down to business. And right now, you have probably already put some things off and that is only going to contribute further to your stress levels. Make a list of things to do, prioritize them and start checking them off.
1/15 ~ Venus (relationships, love & money) ~sextile~ Uranus (clarity & inspiration):
This energy, thanks to Uranus, activates a certain spark of electricity in the air. New relationships will have an unusual aspect to them and old ones can break-to-realign in a positive, even fun way with this energy. No monotonous routine, humdrum people or boring collaborations with this one. Use it to access your unique genius and deep well of creativity and then share if you can, with other like-hearted Souls. Take advantage of this energy to tap into areas you may not have realized were available to you before now. Keep it light and upbeat; socialize and enjoy the experience of different people or new activities. Keep in mind, however, any relationships begun this week may not be based on qualities needed for long term survival. It is more a time to enjoy the people and experiences that pass through at this time and accept it as a gift!
1/18 ~ Mercury (lower mind & ideas) ~square~ Uranus (Higher Mind & awakening):
This energy challenges you to expand your mind or consciousness in a way, pushing you to think differently and respond to information in new ways. Uranus brings sudden ah-ha moments, personal awareness and radical new ideas, which is great for you adventurous souls who thrive on change and new ideas. However, if you are personally attached to your routine and things ‘going as planned’, then this energy can cause aggravation and tax your nervous system because things will seem sudden (even though it is more likely that they have already been brewing under the surface for some time now). You will have to adjust and be more open & mentally flexible than usual. You may not be able to control the excessive mental activity or information-overload coming in, but hopefully you can direct it a bit. It’s good to activate or clean your personal filters by taking some time in nature to process things at your own pace and generally clear your head. This can be a very inspiring & creative time, so try to tune into that, while keeping in mind that anything you begin or get into, may require a review later so you can check over the details of your revelations (or creations). You’re just cracking the surface, this is all about the revelation or awakening, you will eventually have to figure out the logistics or effective actions necessary to bring your ideas into form.
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heartsandmiinds · 5 years ago
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Just a quick little tag for those who might be interested in this, mostly tagging people that have interacted with Ralhy more than once (or how ever many people I can remember interacting with Ralhy lol)
@beautifulpcople, @selina-taylor, @mangledmenagerie, @malicendredwine
The Evolution of Ralhy Navane
ages 13 to 33
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Her entire life, Ralhy has never known a day of happiness, love or care of any kind. Her parents had stopped even looking in her direction when she could do even the most basic thing for herself. She had learned to do mostly everything by herself. She walked to school by herself, she did her work by herself, and because she had never known any sort of care it scarred her in learning how to make friends or even asking for help in class if she didn’t understand something. Every time her grades would slip and her parents would be called in for a meeting nothing ever happened. And from ages 5-8 she was a relatively mute child.
Because she was deemed as ‘weird’, a ‘loner’, and the ever popular term ‘freak’, she didn’t have any friends but only those that would either taunt her, tease her, or physically bully her. It was because of these people that her anxiety and panic attacks had finally begun at such an early age. She had also started forming her own weapons when she was 13, not for use on anyone else, but to cut herself and attempt to calm herself down or just to simply numb her own pain, internally and emotionally. She had absolutely no one in her life, and very little options when it came to trying to get herself some help in the only way she could come up with.
It wasn’t long after she had turned 13 that the bullies had started coming after her for being different from everyone else and quiet. 
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When she was 16, she had gotten more bruises than she’d ever had before. She had scabs, scrapes, and scratches. Black eyes, busted lips, and just being all but trampled on for three years had been enough. She had taken to hiding at first until she could heal the last of her injuries and when she was finally able to move and use her body was when she had gone to the fight club in the Narrows. While there, she had finally made a few of her first friends, watched the fights and then finally she learned how to fight for herself. She used everything that she had learned from the most experienced fighters there and used every single technique, both with and without weapons, on the ones that had brought her so much hell.
She had given them ten times what they had given her over the years, and a new feeling had started to grow within Ralhy. Her first taste of adrenaline and wanting to do more was absolutely intoxicating to her. So, when she had gotten rid of her bullies, eventually she had driven all of them out of the school and no one ever came near her after, she had joined the fight club. She had gone through what they called the ‘trial matches’ just to see if she could really get into something like that, and also time for her to change her mind about anything. Then she slowly moved up within the club, but her taste for wanting more and wanting to do more as far as that only skyrocketed. She even began to start stealing what she needed in places while before she would just think about wanting something but never go into the store to get it because of her lack of funds.
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Even when she had started getting paid for her fights, she continued to steal. Although along with her new habits, new attitude and new age of 18, she had picked up another habit. She had found another way to cope with her stress and her anxiety and panic attacks that she was still having on a weekly basis. She took up the habit of smoking. First, she started just taking the cigarettes that were given to her by the local talent at the fight club. She found it was a much less destructive way of cutting herself and she liked the feeling of it.
However, it didn’t completely numb her pain so she continued to find other ways to give her the same feelings she was used to having to help her. Cigarettes mostly just helped her to settle, but nothing as particularly lasting as her other methods. So, she looked to and found other methods she could utilize and began to start smoking marijuana as well. And along with that, she kept looking for more and more things and her efforts to be free of the pain and the hurt she was feeling so deeply had brought her to more extreme depths, including illegal binge drinking. She had stolen from anywhere she could get in from clubs with less than diligent bouncers, of course the regular liquor stores, and just knicking them from others when they weren’t looking. The latter was mostly done at the fight club. Of her methods and measures to keep her pain at bay, drinking was the most helpful option to her.
Along with her new interests, things were only getting more unbearable and terrible at home. She was getting more and more tortured by her parents. If she was either drunk or high, she would forget that she needed to go through her bedroom window rather than the front door at a certain time so that she wouldn’t be the victim of their anger. If she was so much as spotted by them, she would be reminded of how tame her former bullies had been compared to them. She never had plates being aimed directly at her head from her former bullies, or very nearly missing a knife being plunged into her hand if she so much as stepped into the kitchen. It was especially worse if (and this was most often the case) she had come in after yet another argument they had had, which was near constant.
After very nearly missing a punch that her father had tried to land on her when he was drunkenly aiming for her mother, she had completely snapped. She threw him into the nearest wall and slammed his head repeatedly into the stove top and then put the exclamation point on the end with a half full glass bottle of whiskey going right over his head before she had gotten out of the house, more fumed than ever before.
She wasn’t under the influence of anything this time, this was pure hatred and anger that fueled her fire, making it almost unbearable to ignore. She didn’t want to ignore it, she wanted to embrace it. So, she headed down to The Merc where she had armed herself with an axe, a .44 magnum, and even a mallet (purely getting it because the handle was red, she didn’t end up using it, however). There was no time to waste after that, the beating she had given out was going to be the beginning of the end. She was riding this need to its ultimate end, and the entire way back to the rickety house, she was smiling the entire way there, and laughter followed as she slayed her parents down.
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Ralhy had thought that slaying her parents would make her feel better, which it had, but she had no idea that the best moments of her life were about to happen. She was finally going to be happy, even within the confines of Arkham Asylum. On her first day in the asylum, she had met the man who would change her entire life. The one person that she could see as an absolute equal and the one who would become the love of her life, which she was more than happy to have him as the main focal point. Everything would begin to revolve around none other than Jerome Valeska.
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After only knowing him for minutes, Ralhy knew that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Jerome. She wasn’t just enamored, but she was finally feeling her first bouts of happiness. Before it was something she only saw others portray in front of her, but to actually feel it. To finally feel something so euphoric and to be able to spend time with someone like Jerome, she knew she didn’t want anything else. Even if it meant spending the rest of their lives in Arkham.
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The two had spent their time together in and out of Arkham, having their own fun in Gotham, and there was never one moment where Ralhy wasn’t by Jerome’s side in one way or another. However, even though he had escaped death once, the second time he wasn’t so lucky. 
She had told him not to go up on that roof, she had told him if he were to get shot that he should just head right to the car and they could take care of him when they were out of dodge. The idiot, of course, didn’t listen to her and ran up to the roof. She had followed right after him, but just as she had gotten up there she wasn’t in time. He was falling and Jim Gordon had just let it happen. She was determined to follow and even made a step off of the building so that the two could get their escape from Gotham after all, but the next thing she knew she was cuffed in the GCPD.
Everything had gone in slow motion for a long time. She had no idea what her feelings were, she felt a harsh emptiness, she had blamed herself, she had fallen deep into her own mind to where it was mistakenly diagnosed for about three months that she was in a vegetable state. She sat there in Arkham, not aware of anything going on around her as she sat in her cell in Arkham Asylum.
When she had finally gotten out of her vegetable state, and the only person she had left to call a friend, Selina, had broken her out of Arkham, she had to try and figure out how to pick up the pieces. First, she had to figure out the most pressing question: Would she continue with her life or not? What was a life without Jerome really like? Could she even live like that, or face a life like that? She had been so happy for so long with him, she had completely forgotten what it was like to feel this way, although the feeling of pure loneliness was ever more present and daunting as it weighed upon her entire body. So much so that not only were destructive thoughts clouding her mind, but hallucinations were too. And along with hallucinations came several suicide attempts.
She had tried slitting her wrists, sleeping pills, she had been reckless when she did go out (which was rarely) by walking across the street and praying that someone wouldn’t stop while barreling down the streets. She had even near successfully hung herself before Selina had come in to stop her. She had started having even more trouble sleeping than normal, even developing a fear of sleeping alone in a bed which was why she had tried to sleep on the couch, but still nothing was able to put her to sleep unless she resorted to either smoking or just injecting herself, which only caused more hallucinations of Jerome. Like he was taunting her, torturing her...blaming her. Guilt and Grief were her worst enemies and the only time she would frighteningly lash out would be if she ever caught sight of a couple. Thinking it was a tactic to torture her more, although she had been stopped by Selina mostly, however once she had been able to exact her own “revenge”, so to speak on an innocent couple. She was utterly deranged, unhinged, and scorned for a very long time and in the worst possible state of mind.
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Ten years later, Ralhy is now 33 and still doing her best to cope with her greatest loss. She had a few little opportunities to start building her life again. She had a little club in the Narrows she looked over for about a year until she had decided to get a place of her own, or well a place that was currently vacant of an owner. That place being Fish Mooney’s old club, and she only hoped that she could do Fish proud. She had met her a time or two during her life, and she had taught her some very important lessons. She would always tell Ralhy to be her own woman, and to not let any man or anyone else to keep her down and take anything she wanted with an iron fist and a strong will. She remembered even staying at Fish’s club some nights when she didn’t want to go home. She had unfortunately lost contact with Fish when she had been carted off to Arkham, but she had made sure that Ralhy still had the ear of Carmine Falcone if she ever needed anything.
About a year before her 33rd birthday, Ralhy had been feeling that particular itch. She needed more than just this club. She needed more destruction, she wanted to cause some havoc and Jerome was ever more present on her mind than before. She had to get back to what she was best at which was keeping Gotham on the edge of burning and turning it into the mass of insanity it pretended it wasn’t. She wanted to start off small and build up from there, so she had decided to get her lower level thugs together to put a bomb scare into action.
Not long after the little fiasco, her club was one of many other places that were searched, and hers was the one that had minimal evidence while the other places were deemed to be clean. She could have scoffed at that because no place in the Narrows were clean, and that was of course where the useless GCPD had decided to check instead of anywhere else. So, with Ralhy being their only suspect, they had put her right back in Arkham Asylum, where she spent most of her time with her brother’s twin, Jeremiah Valeska who was feigning to be brain dead. Since he wasn’t talking, she had decided to vent anything she needed out to him because no matter how much time had passed she always had something going on in her mind about Jerome. She had even taken to telling Jeremiah their entire history together, everything she felt when she was with him, and, of course, some of their personal bedroom stories just to see what would happen.
When the GCPD had started to interrogate those lower level thugs Ralhy had gotten together for the bomb scare, one of the weakest ones in the group had been the one to break and reveal everything that would be the reason Ralhy had been transferred from Arkham to Blackgate Prison. She had taken the transfer easily, not even being a bother since she knew that eventually she would have been found out. She had friends in Blackgate though, so that was another reason she didn’t make too much of a scene.
While in Blackgate, she had formed a little gang of admirers, caught up with a few friends, and caused a little chaos within the Prison, ultimately having a good time at first. However, it wasn’t too long into her stay when she had been separated from all of her friends and admirers so that she wouldn’t be so much trouble. She was put into an isolation cell, devoid of anyone but guards near her. The guards that were purposefully stationed outside of her cell were all those who she had given a hard time before. They were more than happy to get their frustrations out by delivering harsh beatings to her at least three times a day or whenever they could find the time where they wouldn’t be seen. The beatings went on for about three months before she had thought to take a cue from Jeremiah and feigned a very believable vegetable state. This underwhelmed the guards, who had notified the warden about her condition and he deemed that she was to be sent back to Arkham Asylum.
Upon her return to the asylum, she had been placed in the basements by the guards, only a few select people knew of her arrival but certainly none that wanted to help her. The guards that were aware of her presence were no kinder than the ones at Blackgate purely because of how she had manipulated them and tortured them when she was in the asylum with Jerome, and the beatings only continued until she was able to escape with barely a single breath left in her body.
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ganymedesclock · 6 years ago
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How do you think Zant and Ghirahim would interact? Likewise, how do you think Ganon would treat the two in a setting where we could explore such a relationship?
My particular read on Zant is he’s not wild about social interaction unless he’s already decided the person is okay; I interpret him as the specific flavor of autistic where he’s only really comfortable in a social situation by shadowing a particular person for comfort’s sake. In which case I think he’d have a lot of sideways interactions with other people, but, not a lot of super direct engagement.
Ghirahim superficially is much more polite, but, given his particular complex relationship with his master and his childhood (a friend of mine, @golvio draws a lot of comparisons between how they imagine Ghirahim’s treatment under Demise and the Pearls in Steven Universe) it’s just that- superficial. He wants to be well-mannered because he feels keeping up aristocratic airs is an imperative he has to justify avoiding, but unless something really catches his intellectual curiosity, he, scientifically speaking, tends to not give a shit.
So I feel like you could have Ghirahim and Zant cohabiting in the same area and just sort of operating with a mutual regard to not say anything to each other unless the other’s hair is on fire and someone else isn’t already intervening. They could absolutely take more interest in each other, but, they’d need to at least get shoved into some kind of buddy cop adventure story to shake the topic loose. Just leaving them around each other, they’d never get anywhere. They would politely ignore each other. You would ask Ghirahim what he thought of Zant and after asking you to clarify who you’re talking about, he would make an idle note of “So that’s what his name is.”
With regards to Ganon and Zant, I sort of like the vein that Hyrule Warriors took with it in the sense that Ganon seems to regard Zant as a protege and student- not something as warm as “like a son” but that’s because Ganon’s not exactly the type to hand out familial affection very easily if at all. I imagine him taking a sort of scholarly, educational angle; Zant is his apprentice. Even if the guy lives for centuries, he’s significantly younger than Ganon himself, so there would be a certain degree to which Ganon looks towards Zant as someone in need of guidance, rather than a peer and equal.
That’s not to say Zant doesn’t impress him, or ever surprise him; Ganon might have a certain compassion for the downtrodden but he doesn’t seem the type to have patience for slackers or the talentless in his inner circle. But there’s definitely a distance between them, that would be altogether reinforced by the overly-reverent pedestal Zant puts Ganon on, though I think as time goes by and they had more time to interact with each other, or even just Zant operating on his own for a time because Ganon hasn’t been resurrected yet, he’d become a little less starstruck by Ganon, for the better- creating an environment where they can actually talk to each other and Zant isn’t fountaining the glories of his god, because Ganon might be cocky but I think the last thing he’d want to be is someone’s deity.
That would also affect Ghirahim; not the mentorship, because Ghirahim is one person who can not only match Ganon in age but actually surpass him- though I think this would average to them seeing each other as peers because the gaps in Ghirahim’s resurrections are much larger and they’re both at a certain level of time abyss where what’s a century give or take, actually- but the thing where Ganon has no particular desire to be regarded as a god. Distant reverence is fine on paper- it certainly flatters his ego- but in practice it just means people project a lot of expectations and perceptions onto him and that would make him shift a little uneasily in his skin considering the whole situation he had as king of the Gerudo.
It also doesn’t help that the person Ghirahim would be reminded of looking at Ganon is Demise- there’s no way to ignore that Ghirahim would be comparing Ganon to Demise. And the thing about Demise is, they are, in brief, an abusive tyrant; Ghirahim is someone deeply marked by the fact that he was raised from the cradle to disregard his personhood and feelings for Demise’s benefit.
This is completely counter to how Ganon operates, and would be a wall he would inevitably run into hard, dealing with Ghirahim- Ganon’s nice and cozy with Zant as a protege because Zant has all of his hopes and desires right there on the surface. All Ganon has to do is play the genie in the bottle, feed those hopes, encourage them, and, when Zant becomes more of a favored student than a useful tool, he can still use them to prop Zant up. Zant wants to feel powerful, Zant wants to feel valued, heard, supported- Ganon knows exactly what words to cook up to feed a flagging spirit.
Ganon operates selfishly on a certain level, and, he also works best with others who are also operating selfishly- not necessarily maliciously, but, what do they want? They want something for themselves.
Ghirahim is a standout among many Zelda antagonists in that he really doesn’t want anything. His resurrection of Demise is because he sees it as his responsibility. If he attaches emotions to it, it’s that he’s pleased to feel like he belongs, like the world makes sense, like he’s filling his role, and then, slowly, that he’s actually a bit curious about this person who’s so good at thwarting him.
But that’s one selfish desire, and it’s clear Ghirahim writes it off as a petty and ridiculous thing. Him, wanting things for himself, even if it’s something as simple as having the pleasure of figuring out who the hell this twerp in his way is.
And I think Ghirahim’s sense of self-denial would logically be a lot harsher any context in which he’s interacting with Ganon- because Ghirahim would have to deal with the keen awareness that Demise threw him away. He is not alive now because of Demise’s grace, but as an oversight, in a world Demise may well be incapable of returning to, and the sense is that this is just fine to them; they don’t need him or want him back.
I can see Ghirahim falling into step behind Ganon if he’s at a particularly low point and just needs to feel like someone actually wants him to be here, whoever that is, but I also feel like Ganon would galvanize Ghirahim in interesting directions- because coming from someone who is inevitably going to superficially remind Ghirahim of Demise, Ganon’s entire stance is going to be “but you’re a person, you’re made of metal and you’re a sword, that’s great, I’m largely made of meat slime that grows eyes, physiological construction is completely irrelevant here, the point is, you think, you have opinions, and no matter how hard you’re trying to pretend you don’t, you want something.”
Ganon focuses on the idea that people want things. He himself is so driven by this you could argue that his less-corporeal forms are basically one big grudge spirit. While textually, Ganon’s dying words in Ocarina of Time and Demise’s curse intend to mirror each other, it’s worth noting how Ganon’s words are basically pure spite- while Demise’s curse is methodically, systematically worded, functionally aloof; it’s the patient explanation of an adult to someone they perceive as a none-to-bright child that no, actually, you haven’t won anything of meaning. You’ve inconvenienced them. And they will not forget that you did that.
So Ghirahim would inevitably initially see Ganon as an entity similar to Demise, and that perception would inevitably come utterly torn down around the edges because Ganon and Demise are such fundamentally different people.
Frankly, my perception of Ganon and Demise is their relationship is comparable to that between Hylia and Zelda- the first Zelda was bodily born out of Hylia, making her a sort of mortal-incarnated demigod, but, the more Zelda became aware of Hylia, the less she was able to stand Hylia and was repulsed by Hylia’s thought process and the way she viewed Link. That’s continued through all of her descendants; Breath of the Wild Zelda suffers a huge amount of misery trying to connect with Hylia only to be given a repeated cold shoulder, and even awakening her powers, it’s only to be a pawn in the face of Hylia’s scheme.
Hylia is, in short, Zelda’s sort-of removed divine mother, and, she’s also an incredibly cold, neglectful parent.
I think the same goes for Demise and Ganon- they in a sort of abstracted manner had a hand in Ganon’s origin, but, this isn’t a family that could so much as sit through a very uncomfortable holiday dinner. And this is relevant to Ghirahim, because Demise’s treatment of Ghirahim obviously aligns with a lot of Demise’s attitude as a creator and towards the world in general- an attitude they actually share with their sworn enemy, Hylia. (both Fi and Ghirahim are ultimately discarded once they’ve “served their purpose” in the eyes of their respective creators)
Ganon, conversely, is heavily drawn towards the suffering outcast, and, as I talked about in my long post about what Ganon’s healing power means about him, that draw isn’t “I can exploit this” nearly as much as it appears to be genuine compassion. A lot of his narratives and behavior suggest that he feels that way himself- that as someone who has spent much of his life marked as a pariah, he has a certain visceral empathy for the discarded.
More than Ganon would not want to treat Ghirahim the way that Demise did, he would be loath to tolerate someone who treats fully loyal servants like Demise does. If Ganon stabs someone in the back, it’s because he’s either sure they would do the same in a heartbeat or because from his perspective they’ve already put a dagger in him. He’s not the kind of person who gets rid of someone he knows would never betray him, or has no reason to believe they’d do so.
If anything, this makes me wonder if Ghirahim would initially find Zant revoltingly whiny and needy- he can’t imagine why Zant would utterly humiliate himself and Ganon both by drawing Ganon’s attention to his needs and wants, or even just openly expressing distress in front of Ganon. 
And then after a while Ghirahim starts to feel a little weird watching them interact because the fact that Ganon actually responds to Zant and encourages him, or even just, irritably orders someone to see Zant to his bed after the latter’s magically overworked himself, would just sort of start to contextualize for Ghirahim the gaping void of affection or even basic care that he received in his own development.
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carterhaughs · 6 years ago
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vir lath sa’vunin
The end of the Fifth Blight heralds a new dawn for Ferelden and her peoples, but consolidating support for the young new king will not be easy, and rebuilding would be an arduous task even without the threat of residual darkspawn and fresh new horrors lingering in the wake of the Archdemon. Aelinor Surana and Alistair Theirin will need all the strength, savvy, cunning, and knowledge they can muster if they are to heal their country's hurts. With help from friends new and old and their love for each other, they will face down adversity as they always have: together.
Read @ Ao3
Note: "Vir Lath Sa'vunin" is a line from Leliana's Song - the one she sings to the warden after Zathrian and/or the Lady of the Forest die during the Nature of the Beast quest line. It is an old elven song that Keeper Lanaya may share with you in the form of a codex entry. The line means "we love one more day."
Relevant to this chapter: I recorded myself singing the song I wrote for Leliana here.
Chapter 4: Song and Dance
“The golden eyes I knew so well
Turned far their gaze from me
Foresworn was I to break the spell
But adamant was she
By dark of night she stole away
Far-flung her path did range
O’er heart and soul she still held sway
Folk found me passing strange
For in the depths of moonless night
I sought that spark of gold
Without her flame to keep it bright
I found my heart grew cold.”
Leliana finished up her song at the head of the dais to a smattering of applause. When she took her seat above the salt, she thought it would have set off more indignation among the nobles, but most of that seemed to be reserved for the two elven women she seated herself near: Aelinor Surana, hero of Ferelden and the new royal chamberlain, and Shianni, the new hahren of the Denerim Alienage. She’d taken her place at Aelinor’s right hand and stuck out slightly less there because they were both elves, but her manner of dress certainly drew the eye–simple linen and brocade but finely stitched in the manner practiced in many elven alienages.
“That was a beautiful ballad, Leliana,” said Aelinor. Her coppery hair seemed to shift from red to gold and back at once in the warmth of the torchlight, and Leliana was proud of her for wearing it down. It had taken some coaxing to get her to grow it out as she had kept it short ever since she could remember for practical reasons.
“Thank you. I thought I might try something new and not obviously Orlesian for my first day in court here. But ultimately I think it may not have mattered because all eyes were on the two of you.”
“For better or worse,” scoffed Shianni. But she grinned. “But surprisingly mostly for better, I think.”
“Indeed.” Leliana surveyed the room and noted that most of those seated at the table were preoccupied with their food now. “You’ve both conducted yourself with enough finesse that their attention has been successfully diverted by the cheese platter. They don’t find you as threatening as they expected.”
“Because they’re starting to accept us? Or because they think us token members of the king’s court?” asked Shianni, idly stirring her stew.
“From what I was able to gather, a bit of both, and neither. Some of them think you, pardon my phrasing, the king’s pet project because he has a certain...inclination towards elven women. Which is something I’m sure will always be bandied about court so long as he remains unmarried and works with the elven community. I think that would be true even if you weren’t his chamberlain, Aelinor. But your reputation as the savior of Fereldan is not without weight, and a fair few powerful nobles were open in their support of you, especially the younger set who finds the stuffiness of a staid and complacent royal court suffocating. You are their breath of fresh air, and Seranni with you. Keep your sharp tongue at the ready, Seranni, for it will mostly serve to remind them that you speak with authority under the king’s protection now. Aelinor must play the diplomat, but you can remain a firebrand.”
Shianni blinked, slightly dazzled. “Your friend is as savvy as you said, Aeli. I’m impressed.” Aelinor, however, appeared somewhat anxious as she craned her neck to get a better view of the room beyond the taller human guests at the table.
“And what of Anora, Leliana? How did the court find my handling of her insinuation?”
Leliana nodded in the direction of the dais, where Anora was in conversation with the king himself. “I think you must have handled it well, or she would not so readily admit defeat by speaking with the king himself in front of all the court. That looks too much like begging for her taste, even if it matters comparatively little to her peers. She is prideful, and not unlike her father in that way.” Alistair looked vaguely annoyed, one eyebrow raised in irritation, but other than that their conversation seemed peaceable. Aelinor breathed a sigh of relief.
“I know that won’t be the last time I’m confronted in such a way but I am glad to know you think I’ve successfully deflected her best efforts this time. But what is it that you think she intends?”
Leliana narrowed her eyes and watched Anora on the dais, the way she held herself ramrod straight and clasped her hands at the base of her spine, behind her back.
“My guess is that she is looking for a way to divide the two of you. To lessen your importance or presence here so other matters more to her liking will take priority. She has no hatred for the elves, but I doubt she wants the country’s resources spent on them more than she thinks necessary. She wants to control the political direction of the country, even without her throne.” Leliana turned to Aelinor and smiled. “I think she will find that difficult. Like everyone else here, I think she has found your bond with Alistair to be much stronger than they could have imagined–you are a formidable political force and you’ve presented them with a united front. So far, your reconstruction of the country has proceeded in a straightforward, efficient fashion they have found to be as fair as it is effective and you make a romantic pair, given your heroism. You give them hope, as you once gave me.”
Aelinor smiled in that slow tentative way she had, the way of all people Leliana knew who had little reason to smile for much of their life and were afraid of assuming it would last. She put a hand on her shoulder. “That is good to know. I will have to tell him so, later. I know he’s probably more worried than even I am, he’s just better at hiding it.”
“The two of you are the talk of the alienage,” added Shianni. “And that’s no small feat considering how little love we bear for humans. We won’t forget how you saved your own, and how you fought for us when the Blight was at your door. They sing songs in the street of how you and the witch summoned a storm to rend the heavens and struck down the ogre the moment it breached the barricade.” Morrigan. Leliana felt something cold and hard in the back of her throat, and swallowed it down.
Aelinor smiled, a distant look in her eyes as she thought back on their adventures. “One of my better efforts. I couldn’t have done it without her. I’m overjoyed to have a place in your songs and stories. I spent little enough of my life in the Lothering Alienage before I was taken to Kinloch Hold, but I tried to remember all of the songs and stories I could. I’ve had to grow up far away from the traditions of our people, and to be a part of that now...I can’t think of a higher honor.”
The reedy sound of pipes being tuned drifted across the room from the end of the hall, and Shianni’s ears perked up. “Speaking of our people...” She lobbed a thumb toward the growing ensemble of elven musicians opposite the trestle table. “They’ll be needing me on the lyre.”
Aelinor grinned in delight. “I didn’t know you were musical, Shianni! Or that you would be playing for us tonight!”
“It was the king’s idea; I assumed he told you. Perhaps he meant it to be a surprise.” She and Leliana exchanged knowing looks and Leliana could tell Aelinor was fighting back the urge to look in Alistair’s direction, staring fixedly at the spoon in her hand, eyes half-lidded with longing. Instead, she turned to Leliana.
“Now that it’s just the two of us...” she spoke in hushed tones. “I know you sang for her tonight."
Leliana looked into the middle distance at nothing in particular, restlessly shucking her spoon between her knuckles. She’d often perform tricks with silverware to make Aelinor laugh and to attempt to outdo Zevran’s sleight of hand, honed with far deadlier tools in his line of work. But tonight she did so only to give her hands something to touch, lacking what they used to hold.
"How are you faring? As soon as I can get away, I still plan on searching for Morrigan. Will you wait with me, until the time is right?”
She nodded. “I could never desert you while the kingdom still dances on the edge of a knife. Ferelden is not so big as Morrigan thinks. We will find her.” Aelinor did not ask what she would do if they did find her, and for that Leliana was grateful, because she had no answer.
The music started up–a high, keen, silver-noted tune the likes of which Leliana had rarely heard. It was a shame the elves kept so much to themselves, even in the cities. There was so much hidden beauty in their understanding of the world. Of course, that is a choice that was made for them, she reminded herself. It was something she hadn’t really thought on until she and Aelinor had grown close and she had explained on many an occasion that city elves did not relish their lot but made the best of it and protected what they could of what remained to them with as much ferocity as the Dalish.
Slowly but surely, most of the assembled nobles drifted towards the dance floor. Leliana looked for Alistair, expecting him to dance with some female dignitary or other out of politeness as she had told him he ought, but found he was headed directly for their side of the trestle table. She leaned over to whisper into Aelinor’s ear.
“His Majesty is feeling bold tonight, but after all that has transpired, I think you should too.” Aelinor continued to stare determinedly at her spoon. “He will ask you to dance, and I believe you should say yes. There will be no stemming the rumors, so you should give them something to talk about that you can control. The king will dance with his greatest champion tonight, and there will be no question as to who rules this country. Give them the certainty they require.”
Aelinor smoothed the pale blue linen of her dress beneath her as she stood and turned to meet his eyes as he approached. Leliana recognized the fear in her, the slight crease between her brows and the stiff, still way she held herself. She curtsied carefully and with painstaking precision, slow enough to gather her courage. Alistair, for his part, appeared perfectly at ease with his choice to bind himself to her so publicly. He gently tugged her up and out of her show of obeisance and took her hand in his. She was so small beside him, and over Aelinor’s shoulder, Leliana could see he looked on her with a clear-eyed intensity that asked nothing even as it offered everything.
“Lady Surana, may I have this dance?”
“With your leave, Your Majesty, you may. But I may be a poor partner, as I do not know the steps.” He chuckled softly, his eyes bright.
“It’s a good thing Shianni taught me, then, isn’t it?” Aelinor looked between him and the company of musicians at the end of the hall, and her reply caught in her throat even as her eyes glimmered faintly with what could only be tears. “I’ll take the lead for once.” And he led her hand in hand to the middle of the floor, which cleared immediately at his approach.
Alistair wasted no time, his hand sliding to her waist as he lifted the other to lead her through the steps, a series of quick and intricate movements so unlike the stately, measured court dances typical of Ferelden nobility. Aelinor caught on quickly, as it was not too unlike the movement required of her in combat as an arcane warrior, finessing the sure, swift movements of melee combat with the preternatural awareness of the resonance of her steps in realms beyond this one. Leliana wondered then if elves had danced over and through the Veil many centuries past, when they had reigned immortal. Alistair had chosen this dance with the intention of showing how much her culture meant to him, no doubt, but he was also giving the court an opportunity to understand what he saw in her and her people. It was an effective political maneuver, intentional or no.
Anora watched from the fringes of the crowd, arms crossed and eyebrows raised. It was time for Leliana to put her own gambit into motion. She made her way towards her, and curtsied. Anora nodded in acknowledgement and Leliana rose up to meet her steely gaze.
“And you are...? A bard, or something more sinister?”
“I am merely an adventurer and former Chantry sister, traveling companion to the hero of Ferelden.”
“Ah, yes. Leliana.” Anora narrowed her eyes. “And what would you ask of me?”
“Why, only your hand, Lady Anora. I have made a quick study of this new court dance and know you to be a talented partner, or so it is said.”
Anora rolled her eyes. “I had not heard as such. But knowing your sort, the exact opposite would be said of me were I to refuse you. Very well. Lead on...Sister Leliana.”
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brittanyyoungblog · 6 years ago
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100+ Love Quotes for Him to Let Him Know You Care
No matter how old your relationship is it can always benefit from some simple words of affirmation. But while feelings come naturally, it’s not always the case for words. If you’re having trouble finding the words to express how you feel to your man, don’t worry—we found them for you.
Here are some of our favorite love quotes for him to let the man in your life know how important he is to you.
1. “My heart is and always will be yours.”–Jane Austen
2. “If I had to choose between breathing and loving you I would use my last breath to tell you I love you.”–DeAnna Anderson
3. “The scariest thing about distance is you don’t know if they’ll miss you or forget about you.”–Nicholas Sparks
4. “I would rather spend one lifetime with you, than face all the ages of this world alone.”–J.R.R. Tolkien
5. “I love you as one loves certain dark things, secretly, bet`ween the shadow and the soul.”–Pablo Neruda
6. “Promise me you’ll never forget me because if I thought you would, I’d never leave.”–A.A. Milne
7. “Morning without you is a dwindled dawn.”–Emily Dickinson
8. “There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.” –Friedrich Nietzsche
9. “Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.”–Khalil Gibran
10. “All love shifts and changes. I don’t know if you can be wholeheartedly in love all the time.”– Julie Andrews
11. “Love is energy of life.”–Robert Browning
12. “Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.”–James A. Baldwin
13. “Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise.”–Samuel Johnson
14. “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”–Robert Frost
15. “If you wish to be loved, show more of your faults than your virtues.”–Edward G. Bulwer–Lytton
16. “Love is the flower you’ve got to let grow.”–John Lennon
17. “The inner reality of love can be recognized only by love.”–Hans Urs von Balthasar
18. “Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries.”–Truman Capote
19. “Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.”–Zora Neale Hurston
20. “We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.”–Orson Welles
21. “The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love.”–Hubert H. Humphrey
22. “Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.”–William Shakespeare
23. “Nobody can predict the future. You just have to give your all to the relationship you’re in and do your best to take care of your partner, communicate and give them every last drop of love you have. I think one of the most important things in a relationship is caring for your significant other through good times and bad.”–Nick Cannon
24. “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”– Mignon McLaughlin
25. “One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.”–Paulo Coelho
26. “Love is like a beautiful flower which I may not touch, but whose fragrance makes the garden a place of delight just the same.”–Helen Keller
27. “Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone–we find it with another.”–Thomas Merton
28. “Unconditional love really exists in each of us. It is part of our deep inner being. It is not so much an active emotion as a state of being. It’s not ‘I love you’ for this or that reason, not ‘I love you if you love me.’ It’s love for no reason, love without an object.”–Ram Dass
29. “The heart asks, and love answers”–Amelius
30. “True love is selfless. It is prepared to sacrifice.”–Sadhu Vaswani
31. “The garden of love is green without limit and yields many fruits other than sorrow or joy. Love is beyond either condition: without spring, without autumn, it is always fresh.”–Rumi
32. “We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”–Tom Robbins
33. “Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand.”–Mother Teresa
34. “’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”–Alfred Lord Tennyson
35. “Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.”–Oscar Wilde
36. “Life is a game and true love is a trophy.”–Rufus Wainwright
37. “Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.” –Ann Landers
38. “If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.”–Marc Anthony
39. “Love is a really scary thing, and you never know what’s going to happen. It’s one of the most beautiful things in life, but it’s one of the most terrifying. It’s worth the fear because you have more knowledge, experience, you learn from people, and you have memories.”–Ariana Grande
40. “Love is flower like; Friendship is like a sheltering tree.”–Samuel Taylor Coleridge
41. “I believe in true love, and I believe in happy endings.”–Christie Brinkley
42. “Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.”–Friedrich Nietzsche
43. “No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible.”–George Chakiris
44. “:True love doesn’t come to you it has to be inside you.”–Julia Roberts
45. “Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealousy, and, most easily of all, the gate of fear.”–Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
46. “Love planted a rose, and the world turned sweet.”–Katharine Lee Bates
47. “True love cannot be found where it does not exist, nor can it be denied where it does.”– Torquato Tasso
48. “Love consists in giving without getting in return; in giving what is not owed, what is not due the other. That’s why true love is never based, as associations for utility or pleasure are, on a fair exchange.”–Mortimer Adler
49. “Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.”–Rabindranath Tagore
50. “I love you more than my own skin.”–Frida Kahlo
51. “What I love most about this crazy life is the adventure of it.”–Juliette Binoche
52. “True love bears all, endures all and triumphs.”–Dada Vaswani
53. “True love is no game of the faint–hearted and the weak. It is born of strength and understanding.”–Meher Baba
54. “Two things you will never have to chase: true friends & true love.”–Mandy Hale
55. “In love there are two things—bodies and words.”–Joyce Carol Oates
56. “Only true love can fuel the hard work that awaits you.”–Tom Freston
57. “True love that lasts forever yes, I do believe in it. My parents have been married for 40 years and my grandparents were married for 70 years. I come from a long line of true loves.”–Zooey Deschanel
58. “Love is something far more than desire for sexual intercourse; it is the principal means of escape from the loneliness which afflicts most men and women throughout the greater part of their lives.”–Bertrand Russell
59. “We loved with a love that was more than love.”–Edgar Allan Poe
60. “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”–Antoine de Saint–Exupery
61. “We are most alive when we’re in love.”–John Updike
62. “Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.”–Ursula K. Le Guin
63. “Love is the joy of the good, the wonder of the wise, the amazement of the Gods.”–Plato
64. “Love has no age, no limit; and no death.”–John Galsworthy
65. “True love–that is, deep, abiding love that is impervious to emotional whims or fancy–is a choice. It’s a constant commitment to a person regardless of the present circumstances.”–Mark Manson
66. “True love bears all, endures all and triumphs!”–Dada Vaswani
67. “There is no remedy for love but to love more.”–Henry David Thoreau
68. “Love in its essence is spiritual fire.”–Lucius Annaeus Seneca
69. “Love cures people–both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.”–Karl A. Menninger
70. “Love is the power to see similarity in the dissimilar.”–Theodor Adorno
71. “Love is space and time measured by the heart.”–Marcel Proust
72. “If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile.”–Lynda Barry
73. “The highest function of love is that it makes the loved one a unique and irreplaceable being.”–Tom Robbins
74. “True love, especially first love, can be so tumultuous and passionate that it feels like a violent journey.” –Holliday Grainger
75. “The romantic love we feel toward the opposite sex is probably one extra help from God to bring you together, but that’s it. All the rest of it, the true love, is the test.” –Joan Chen
76. “It is only with true love and compassion that we can begin to mend what is broken in the world. It is these two blessed things that can begin to heal all broken hearts.” –Steve Maraboli
77. “True love is quiescent, except in the nascent moments of true humility.” –Bryant H. McGill
78. “Love is love’s reward.”–John Dryden
79. “Love is metaphysical gravity.”–R. Buckminster Fuller
80. “I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love.”– Marilyn Monroe
81. “True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” –Erich Segal
82. “Love is my religion–I could die for it.”– John Keats
83. “Whatever our souls are made of, his and mind are the same.” –Emily Brontë
84. “Love is a better teacher than duty.” – Albert Einstein
85. “Love can be unselfish, in the sense of being benevolent and generous, without being selfless.”– Mortimer Adler
86. “Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.” – Voltaire
87.  “Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries.” – Truman Capote
88.  “Love is the ultimate expression of the will to live.” – Tom Wolfe
89. “Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.”–Lao Tzu
90. “Love has no errors, for all errors are the want for love.”– William Law
91. “Being in love is the only transcendent experience.”–Armistead Maupin
92. “Choose your love, Love your choice.”–Thomas S. Monson
93. “They say true love only comes around once and you have to hold out and be strong until then. I have been waiting. I have been searching. I am a man under the moon, walking the streets of earth until dawn. There’s got to be someone for me. It’s not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone.” –Henry Rollins
94. “So you do believe in true love? she whispered. I took a deep breath, I think I have to, I said, blinking back tears. Without it, we’re all going nowhere.” –Juliet Marillier
95. “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”–Robert Frost
96. “Love is the attempt to form a friendship inspired by beauty.”–Marcus Tullius Cicero
97. “Love is a game that two can play and both win.”–Eva Gabor
98. “There isn’t any formula or method. You learn to love by loving–by paying attention and doing what one thereby discovers has to be done.”–Aldous Huxley
99. “You have half our gifts. I the other. Together we make a whole. Together we are much more powerful.”–Joss Stirling
100. “Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep–burning and unquenchable.”–Bruce Lee
101. “Love is but the discovery of ourselves in another, and the delight in the recognition.”– Alexander Smith
102. “I can’t promise you forever, because that’s not long enough.”–Jason Dorsey
103. “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”–Robert Munsch
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