#which they both VEHEMENTLY DISAGREE WITH

[willowser]

every single day i think about the influence touya would have had on shouto as an older brother.

he has to take him everywhere he goes, so they're always jamming to the same hardcore music in touya's shitty car. shouto, obviously, develops a taste for the same bands, same songs. shouto is also in the ride-along to buy cigarettes and beer at midnight, and touya threatens his whole entire life if he tells rei, but shouto would never because he likes going too much.

shouto 100% would attempt to kick the ass of anyone that talked shit to his brother. little string bean, doesn't matter, this little boy is throwing HANDS for touya, and touya very much has the attitude of "no one can fuck with my little brother but me". whenever shouto gets in trouble for doing something he shouldn't be doing, touya is always taking the fall for him, no questions asked. shouto lies for touya like it's second nature.

shouto wants an earring because of touya, and touya probably GIVES the piercing to him, which makes enji blow a gasket. touya learns to play the drums and then shouto wants to, too — though he ends up being better than touya and touya promptly quits after that. touya teaches him to drive. shouto gets drunk for the first time with touya BECAUSE touya wants to be there to take care of him. they hate each other, they get into fist fights all the time, rolling around the house as fuyumi screams at both of them. they're best friends. they understand each other more than anyone else ever could.

[anexperimentallife]

Project 2025 would ban anything the far right considers pornography. The far right considers anything queer-positive to be pornography, and they WILL encode that into law if given just a TINY bit more power.

Have queer fanfic (or trad published literature) or pics of your transition, or of two men kissing, saved to your hard drive? If the GOP get their way, you'd be guilty of possession of pornography. Did you share any of it? You'd be guilty of distribution of pornography. Have a sweet coming of age story with a queer protagonist? That'd be child pornography.

Even now, states are trying to make it a crime to be openly queer in public (by, among other things, classifying dressing as the "wrong gender" anyplace kids might see as a sex crime against children). Oh, and Florida tried (and thankfully failed) to impose the death penalty for the above.

This is just one example of the horrors awaiting us if the project comes to fruition.

And the far right is already screaming that any adult who mentions around kids that queer people exist is "grooming" children. Wear your Pride shirt past a playground? You're now a child groomer. Think they won't put that into law if allowed? You're naive.

The GOP currently controls the Supreme Court (which is how they overturned Roe v. Wade) and has a majority in one branch of congress. Imagine what will happen nationwide with the GOP controlling every branch of government, including supermajoroties in both houses of Congress.

Oh, and top GOP officials have also announced their desire to NUKE Gaza, so don't come at me with, "but I can't vote blue because Biden..." Or tell me how you think Gaza would somehow be better off with Trump and the GOP.

In France, the left and center joined together--even though they disagree vehemently on many issues (get two leftists together and they'll have three positions on any issue)--to stop the far right from totally taking over, because the one thing they ALL agree on is that fascists dictatorships are BAD.

Much the same with the UK finally kicking out their own neo-fascist party, the Torries, to install 400 Labour MPs. Not everyone loves Labour's policies, but virtually everyone with a brain cell recognizes that the Torries are fascists, and that FASCISM BAD.

"Every election, they tell us this is the most important election if our lives!" Yeah, because each election over the past several decades has been more important than the one before, until we are now at a tipping point between remaining a fucked up oligarchy with SOME resemblance to freedom, and an outright neo-fascist military dictatorship.

Trump has literally stated publicly his intent to criminalize dissent, use US armed forces against protesters (Kent State, but multiply it by thousands), purge all agencies and stuff them with those personally loyal to him, and use the DOJ to go after anyone he perceives as a threat to his political power, among other things.

And remember the things he did in office, like pulling the teeth of federal workplace protections for queer folks (which Biden reatored).

I don't care if you don't like Biden or Harris. Neither do I. But the alternative is Trump, and anyone telling you not to vote in 2024, or to vote third party, is rooting for Trump, and for Project 2025. Anyone telling you not to vote does not give one single solitary flying fuck about vulnerable populations in the US or anywhere else in the world.

"You're just being an alarmist!" Right. Like I was being alarmist when I predicted the failed Jan 6 coup attempt. Like I was being alarmist when I said the GOP would try to use control over SCOTUS to overturn Roe v. Wade.

Fucking vote.

[lustlovehart]

I was skimming your monster hunter reader posts, and now I’m curious. Reaper Idia seems to kind of waffle between wanting reader to die so they can be together and not wanting reader to die? If that’s the case, how would he react if he ever had to collect the reader’s soul after a monster hunting job gone wrong? Would he be upset, or would he be relieved he doesn’t have to share anymore? Thanks!

Cw: Death, Obsession/Posession

I’m actually glad someone noticed it!! I make some (not all of them, a lot of the cast genuinely believe you being a monster is best and don’t feel guilty at all) of them experience some sort of guilt for wanting MH!Reader to be a monster, but ultimately, they mostly lean towards it being the best outcome.

Deuce and Silver are the few who don’t think it is, but go along with everyone elses decision. And of course Rollo vehemently disagrees.

But, Idia is the only one whose opinion goes back and forth all the time. On one hand, death is brutal, whether quick and painless or long and excruciating, when you’re dead it’s all the same, cruel. But, he’s never known the souls he collects, not on a personal level anyway. He knows that death itself is supposedly a depressing topic in the human world, but it’s his whole life, so it doesn’t bother him. But then you come along… and his views have a swaying opinion.

He doesn’t won’t you to die in pain, but neither does he want you to die painlessly and wake up in the after-life in despair over your sudden death. He doesn’t want that at all… But in the after-life, with him forever… He knows he’s a hypocrite for saying death is cruel, and then secretly wishing to not let you pass on.

Having eternity with you, his favorite person�� no… being in existence is a dream. But a person after death, is different from when they were alive… which…

Which is why when he as to collect your soul, he feels so conflicted.

When you look down at your body in your new transparent form, you’re in shock. Everyone is when it happens, he’s witnessed it thousands of times. This is the only time he’ll comfort someone over it though. His hand on your shoulder, letting you slump against him at your despair. It starts with sorrow until he’s guiding you on. You both watch as the monsters gather around, attempting to collect a soul that’s being held by Idia.

Maybe that’s why he quickly took hold of you, so they couldn’t bring you back… Maybe…

You watch Rollo's face when he receives through letter from the monsters themselves of your passing. It’s Grim, the way he falls in on himself like he’s lost everything. But to be fair, Idia knows that he has lost it all, because Rollo’s everything is holding hands with him right now. He stops you from attempting to comfort him, he won’t see or hear any of it anyway. (No… the truth is if you do, you might stay a ghost here forever, and he… doesn't want that.)

When you’ve walked through the entirety of your life, and the moment to pass on has finally come, you smile at him.

But Idia’s not smiling.

When you leave, the light is sliced, Idias head rested on your shoulder as he apologizes.

“I… don’t want that.”

Summary: He starts conflicted with having you live and die when you’re alive. When you finally do die, he’ll feel incredibly sorry for your loss… but it’ll ultimately be overpowered by his love for you when you move. That same love will be what has you spending an eternity in his world.

[glindaselphie]

spoiler alert for act/part 2 for wicked but

I vehemently disagree with the idea that Elphaba just abandons the animals at the end of wicked

for good is not just glinda and elphie singing about their love and friendship, it’s elphaba passing the torch (the grimmerie) on to glinda and trusting her to help the animals and create the oz that elphaba wanted.

elphie knows full well during that song that she is going to “die”. and glinda is literally the person she trusts more than anyone else in the world.

more than fiyero because, as much as I like and understand him, that man becomes a liability the minute he runs off with elphie. his self preservation skills become none and elphaba knows that full well. even if he hadn’t “died” too, she couldn’t have trusted him to do it in a way that wouldn’t endanger himself.

she can trust glinda to do it however because while she has the same love for elphie, she also has both the power and the self preservation skills to help the animals and oz in a way that wouldn’t endanger herself. (glinda is willing by that point to put those skills to the side however and essentially says she doesn’t care about preserving her own reputation any more but elphie begs her and makes her promise to protect her own reputation because she cannot have another fiyero situation)

we don’t see what glinda does in the musical version of the story after the musical but I’m very certain with the wizard gone and morrible in jail - which was the first step in helping the animals - she would have strived to create an oz and help for the animals that honoured elphie’s wishes.

[yanderes-galore]

Yandere Jaehaerys i Targaryen concept.

Sure! Sorry it's gendered, I couldn't figure out how to write this without making darling a lady :(

Additional Thoughts

Yandere! Jaehaerys I Targaryen Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Female Darling, Potential Targcest, Overprotective behavior, Medieval topics, Marriage, Subtle manipulation, Possessive behavior, Pregnancy, Gender roles, Mature themes, Isolation, Imprisonment, Morbid themes, Dubious turned forced relationship.

Well, there's two ways I think this could work.

You replace Alysanne in canon, making you the sister of Jaehaerys whom he's loved since you were both young (Normal for Targaryens).

Or if you don't wish to replace Alysanne, you can be a childhood friend Jaehaerys fell for instead when he was hiding from Maegor.

Regardless, Jaehaerys is a very loyal man and king to his beloved.

You two grew up alongside one another, even surviving Maegor's rule together hidden by the Baratheons..

When Jaehaerys was crowned king, there was only ever one bride he wanted.

You.

He's polite, wise, and caring towards you.

If you chose option one, then you could even bring the dragons into it.

Vermithor and Silverwing are the only canonical dragon pair we know of.

In canon, it's said they loved one another just as much as their riders loved each other.

If you picked option one, you'd have Silverwing as your dragon, which only proves to Jaehaerys you're meant to be when he sees how close your dragons are.

If not, no worries, in option two you are his loyal childhood friend.

He trusts you more than many, in this HC, he'd love you instead of Alysanne.

His yandere behavior is subtle.

Jaehaerys mostly just comes off as a man who is completely loyal and enamored with you, his wife.

Even when his mother and her Baratheon husband tries to betroth him to another...

He clings to you.

Ever since you two were young, many felt you two were as close as can be.

It was no secret Jaehaerys loved you, naturally as king he'd want you as his queen.

He's willing to do anything to get that.

He courts you with many gifts and gives you much affection.

Jaehaerys is a man who'd never force you into anything... at first.

He wants to be your one and only, but he'll wait for you.

He'll wait for you to accept his gifts and his love... Then when he brings up getting married, he marries you in private at Dragonstone when you're ready.

To him, it doesn't matter if his mother is against his affections.

He'd marry you in secret, but not consummate it until you're ready.

He's overly caring, overly protective, yet knows to treat you right.

He's dedicated to the point of telling others off, even The Faith, if they disagree with his decision.

He loves you more than anything.

Nothing could pry you from his grasp.

In a way, you could view his behavior as possessive rather than overly protective.

You mean The Realm to him....

Many think him weak, just like his father.

So he tries to show himself as strong for you and The Realm.

He wants you to love a strong man... one who can protect you from any threat.

However, Jaehaerys is also a man who wants to resolve things peacefully.

He isn't someone who would kill over you, unless your life and happiness were threatened.

Although... Jaehaerys is known to make veiled threats.

He does know how to show he has power.

He wants his voice heard, especially when he's defending his beloved.

Jaehaerys is a gifted rider who would love to ride alongside his beloved.

If you have Silverwing, he makes time to fly beside you.

If you don't ride a dragon, he invites you to ride atop Vermithor with him.

He sees this as bonding.

Jaehaerys trains for you, studies for you, he does nearly everything for you.

He's been attached and fond of you since you were both children.

The only way he'd give you up is if someone pried you from his hands.

Even when word of your secret marriage on Dragonstone would get out, Jaehaerys defends his choice vehemently.

Even when scolded by his mother, Jaehaerys clings to you protectively.

The good thing about Jaehaerys is he's a very doting husband at the start of your marriage.

I can see him as a worship yandere at times, praising you and cooing over you as his darling wife and queen.

He'd choose no one else.

Even if demanded.

You're taken hunting, riding, and with him to discuss diplomatic matters.

He pledges his love for you, showers you in kisses, holds you close...

Even more so once you carry his heirs.

He's smothering and protective, which seems like the worse he'd get.

Although... He does have dragons... and knows how to show others he means business.

If you were ever pregnant with his child, he is adamant on keeping you in the Red Keep.

Jaehaerys is a decent king compared to his uncle, Maegor.

Yet Jaehaerys still has the typical medieval gender views when it comes to women.

Despite that, as his queen, you are given respect.

Jaehaerys was known for fixing the realm after Maegor's rule.

Such a goal he hopes to have you aid him in as queen.

He treats his beloved well and doesn't seem all that bad compared to most Targaryens.

However... There's still glaring issues.

He's a good husband at times... but was evidently poor with his daughters.

That... and Jaehaerys has been shown in canon to have his wife bear... many heirs (In canon he tried for thirteen children, but nine lived until adulthood)

So one could say he'd be demanding of his obsession.

Jaehaerys would be fine towards you until you two start fighting.

He wouldn't show many toxic behaviors until your marriage begins to fail.

In fact, you may have loved him until issues began appearing.

In canon, these issues involved him marrying off his daughters too young or straight up casting them aside.

He was fine with his sons... but not his daughters.

However, in this concept, you two could fight for another reason if you wish.

To keep it dark, maybe he begins showing controlling behavior?

He may be a worship yandere... yet he's also a subtle manipulative one.

He keeps asking you for children... He keeps trying to lock you in the Red Keep...

Essentially, when he becomes too overbearing in this, you begin to no longer be fond of him.

Jaehaerys begins to notice when you pull away from him, turn down intimacy of any kind, and just glare.

Your marriage goes cold with the king and you want an out.

Nothing he does makes you happy anymore.

Jaehaerys actually becomes a bit... worried.

Even as he makes The Realm a better place, you're filled with disdain... He can't seem to fix his marriage.

Despite his actions, Jaehaerys still adores you.

He's still infatuated, even.

So... Seeing you so distant begins to drive the now older man to court you again.

He orders gifts for you, he offers dragon rides, hunting, reading, anything...

You ignore him.

It both frustrates him and makes him worried.

Will you never love him again?

How can he make it up to you?

Jaehaerys may try giving you your space to make you love him again.

Yet if that doesn't work... and he senses you'll try to flee for Dragonstone or somewhere similar to leave him...

He may need to convince you in other ways.

Imagine Jaehaerys imprisoning you for treason.

That or just locking you in your shared chambers.

He can't bear the thought of you leaving him.

Your children grow concerned about their father's behavior.

Unfortunately, Jaehaerys doesn't change his mind.

If you hate him... He'll tolerate it.

Yet he's going to keep you with him for the rest of his days.

He's used to the arguments you give him at this point.

The entire time he thinks back to when you two genuinely loved one another.

Being king is a hard life.

Even harder when your queen no longer loves you.

However... Jaehaerys would be determined to make you love him again.

If that doesn't work?

He'll just be happy dying beside you while your children take the Iron Throne and Dragonstone.

Ever since you two married, you're stuck to him.

It doesn't matter what you do... or if you reciprocate or not...

Jaehaerys will always love you, die beside you, and keep you to himself for the rest of your days. No matter what.

[renthony]

"Rose Quartz was a bad mother" is a really baffling interpretation of Steven Universe, because Rose never got to be a mother in the first place.

Even if you take the stance that Rose was a bad person (which I vehemently disagree with, but you do you I guess), it's still not possible for her to have been a "bad mom" or even a "good mom." We literally have no idea what kind of mother she would have been to Steven, because she died.

She left some messy stuff behind, sure, but who the hell doesn't leave messy stuff behind when they die? A traumatized victim of generational trauma and abuse dying in childbirth doesn't equal "bad mother." Like, what?

And on top of that, if I dropped dead tomorrow and my shitty abusive family members swarmed around my kid, that's...not my fault? I've done everything I can in life to keep my kid away from the shitty abusive parts of our family. I cut them out as thoroughly as I possibly can. I can't control anything else. If they show up after I die to harass my kiddo, that's not my doing. Because I would in fact be dead.

I think way too many people try to make Rose responsible for literally every bad action that other people took, which is asinine both because it takes agency and impact away from every other character, but also because, like. She's not real. She is fictional. You don't have to hold her accountable for crimes, and that was never the point of the story in the first place. She served a narrative purpose, which was to tell a story about generational trauma. I'm less interested in "bad person vs good person" analysis and much more interested in "was this an effective way to tell a story about a very messy victim of cyclical abuse, and how hard it is to break the cycle without there being repercussions. Sometimes the cycle doesn't break cleanly."

I think it was, personally, especially considering the huge amounts of censorship heaped upon the show. I'd love to take a peek into the universe where they got to fully flesh out the story they originally intended, instead of getting cut off at the knees by homophobic studio heads.

[rubra-wav]

[ Entry #9 ] Various Vox headcanons

A/N I've got a post coming up about what I think it'd be like to actually date him coming up, (alongside Snap part 2 ofc, I'm just taking my time w it to try keep things accurate) so here's some points which will lead into that next post + other misc stuff I've been thinking abt.

Cw: SFW above cut, NSFW below cut - 18+ MDNI, reference to manipulative behaviours

SFW

- While drunk, he's both very affectionate and cute but also gets really sad and clingy. If you stop paying attention to him for even a second while he's gonna start bawling like a giant baby. It's also the only time he's truly 100% honest with how he feels about you.

Basically; the mask falls right off, so he doesn't like to get drunk around people. He will deny all that's been said or done during this.

- He doesn't need to sleep but likes to - when he sleeps tho he doesn't really sleep in the traditional sense but instead goes into a preset 'sleep mode' for a specific set of time. He can also be rebooted remotely if you need him up before he's programmed to wake up again. (I discuss more abt this type stuff in entry #4)

- Follow up point: when he dreams while in sleep mode, his dreams play on his screen. He often dreams about becoming essentially king of hell and having people worship him like a god.

If you bring this up, he will be embarrassed as all fucking hell and will also deny it vehemently.

- He ends up getting water damage fairly often because he really loves swimming and aquatic environments ironically.

He's of course got ways of waterproofing himself properly, but usually he will do it badly or just not give a fuck about it and go swimming impulsively.

Will complain like a bitch after getting water damaged as well, holy shit. Blames everything but himself about it.

- Follow up: if you ever take this man to an aquarium on a date, he's going to be so fucking excited about everything he's seeing.

He will be trying to contain himself, but he may end up letting the mask of calmness slip at points and just start randomly talking a million miles an hour about whatever shark, fish, sea creature, etc. He's seeing. He loves sharks so much.

- Somewhat follow-up point: If you 1. don't tell him to shut up about shit when he starts getting excited and talking really fast and loudly AND 2. Actually listen?

He's gonna be so goddamn happy. Holy shit.

He's used to being told to shut up when he starts talking about ideas he has for a new VoxTek project, so if you give him feedback and your thoughts on it once he's done info dumping? He's gonna start internally screaming because he's so happy about it.

- Follow up follow-up: He doesn't take criticism well though. In fact, he's a baby. If you're in a relationship and you've gotten him out of his bs a bit with his ego being fragile as shit about everything, it'll be better but still pretty bad.

He needs reassurance that just because you disagree or think (y) would be a better alternative than what's his (x), that you still think it's a good idea, lmao.

- If you wear blue light glasses he can't hypnotise you, and he absolutely fucking hates it. In an argument or confronting him, you just put on bluelight glasses and cross your arms, and he's so annoyed about it.

You'd need to start wearing blue light glasses, because this asshole will be trying to hypnotise you into forgetting things if you see something of him that he deems 'undesirable' about himself for you to see.

- He's such a colossal attention whore that the second you are doing something thats not to do with him or talking to someone who isn't him, he's gonna be pissy asf about it.

Think glaring at you while pouting and loudly tapping his foot. He's such a little shit 💀

- He's so intensely touch starved it's not even funny. If you're doing anything his hands are gonna be on your hip, your back or your shoulders.

He desperately wants to be physically close to you but he also will never normally instigate cuddle sessions because he thinks it's embarrassing that he wants them so badly. If you instigate them, he will absolutely love it.

Just not in public, though. If you try to be super affectionate or maybe even affectionate with him at all publicly, he'll be pushing you away telling you to wait until later.

And will get mad if you try get a bit defensive about it with him.

NSFW

- He has barely any self-control and ends up getting unintentionally excited really easily - even in situations where he really shouldn't be. If you as his partner are cuddling him, sitting in his lap, touching his neck, or god forbid the ports, he's gonna get hard so quickly it's not even funny.

Him being touch starved is really a double-edged sword because he wants to be near you, but also he gets unintentionally way too physically excited about it and ends up embarrassed asf most of the time.

- Kinda follow up point: I feel as if he's extremely repressed sexually in general. He works extremely long hours to maintain his control over everything single day, and considering his tendency to start zapping things when he gets closer to finishing / overwhelmed, he'd likely not be taking any chances at all with that.

So when he gets physically near his partner alone (and also not even alone), his body just kinda goes 'time to make up for lost time'. 💀

- Most sensitive erogenous zones on him (outside of his dick obviously) are his neck and ports. I'm not sure if him having ports for nipples is canon or not, but if it still is, those are the more sensitive ones. The ones on the back of his head are still an absolute killer, though.

If you kiss his neck even softly, he'll be tensing up, and if you're kissing him or cuddling him and gently brush up against the ports on the back of his head, or your chest brushes against his and brings him nipple stimulation - he's gonna be getting a boner as quick as it gets.

- He doesn't really care too much about his partner's height, but I get the vibe that he'd have a size difference thing and would love a partner who's smaller than him (but not tiny still)

It would trip his ego so much to be able to physically look down on people in general, but with a partner? He'd be going mildly insane about it but in a different way.

Wear his clothes, and they're massive on you? He's gonna be turned on as absolute hell by that. Especially if it's one of his button ups and its neckline is plunging and giving him an eyeful of your chest.

He can easily pick you up and pull you against him in whatever way? Goes absolutely nuts about it.

I love it when I try to go,'this will only be short', then my brainrot takes hold, and my ideas just keep flowing. 💀

Masterlist

[dilly-dahlia]

okay, elaboration on Nicole and Garroth’s arranged marriage because I talked about it briefly in one of my Garroth is unintentionally misogynistic posts

SO. the idea came to me because I rewatched MCD, and I thought about the Garroth I had molded for my rewrite and realized that he would TOTALLY go into an arranged marriage. 100%. especially with the way he was raised. and I know in the series it’s like a way to stop a war or something?? in my rewrite it’s a way to merge the two powerhouses of the region, and if it was that then it’s something Garroth would do

so the way Garroth has been raised is primarily by his abusive, asshole father. to basically sum up my unintentional misogynistic Garroth: Garte raised Garroth with a VERY traditional gender role view on people, part of it being that women owe him something if he shows kindness to them (which is amplified because Garroth is put on a pedestal anyways because he’s the son of O’Khasis). so with that in mind and KNOWING that he’s one day going to take the reigns and become Lord of O’Khasis, Garroth would comply to almost any arranged marriage.

almost.

now we jump to the Lord of Scaleswind and Garte. the two are friends and close allies in my rewrite. they’ve always sort of talked about how their children would end up being married, but their kids never actually met. they are unaware of each other for the most part. now, because Scaleswind and O’Khasis are both powerhouses, they genuinely consider the benefits of forming a union through marriage. since both are power hungry, they arrange the marriage with Nicole and Garroth.

now. at this point, Garroth is 22/23. he’s perfectly fine with getting married because it’s his duty as a man to be married before he comes into power (using it as a way to show he’s ready to be in control of a village by being in control of his wife). however, when he finds out who his fiancé is, he hesitates. a lot. why? because Nicole is 16.

it’s not the age gap itself that bothers him (the one between his own parents is larger), it’s the fact that Nicole is so young. Garroth learns that Nicole is only 16 and he literally gets sick to the stomach and vomits. like Garroth is so uneasy with the idea of marrying a sixteen-year-old he spends days sick in bed.

Garroth would do anything for the sake of O’Khasis at this time, but he cannot fathom how his marriage to a child would benefit the kingdom. and that gets added to because his mother vehemently disagrees with it, and she rarely disagrees with any of Garte’s choices.

adding to that and going back to the misogynistic Garroth post, Zianna hasn’t had much say in how Garroth is raised but she tried her best to make him a good person despite that. while Garte was teaching him that kindness is a debt to be paid, Zianna was telling him in the softest voice that nobody owes Garroth anything, but he should be a good person regardless. behind Garte’s back, Zianna was teaching Garroth to never take advantage of anybody, especially women, and that no means no. she taught Garroth that it’s not okay to make people do things they don’t want, no matter how bad you want it.

and Garroth recalls these lessons from his mother, and he stands by her side in disagreeing with the marriage. it dawns on him once more that Nicole is so young and that this is probably the furthest thing from what she wants. He realized that their age gap is a power imbalance, and that by marrying her he would be taking advantage of her. and he brings it up to his father:

“Does Lady Nicole know she’s marrying a grown man?”

“If she knows what’s good for Scaleswind, then she will get over it.”

“Father, she’s sixteen.”

and the argument ends badly. Garroth doesn’t change Garte’s mind and as a punishment for speaking out (especially since Garte thinks it’s the influence of his mother), he beats Zianna and locks her up until the wedding. Garroth is forbidden from seeing her until he sees Nicole walking down the aisle first.

and Garroth starts thinking. he doesn’t want this marriage. even though he’s never met Nicole he would bet his life that she doesn’t want it either. so, Garroth devises a plan.

Garroth gets into contact with a thieves guild in a village not too far from O’Khasis. they write letters discussing the plan back and forth, and when Garte questions it, Garroth simply says he’s getting to know his bride-to-be. Garte pays it no mind because this son of his is finally cooperating and goes on his way.

and once Garroth had everything set in motion, he faked his death. the story he fashioned was that a bounty had been placed on the eldest Ro’Meave boy’s head, and whoever brought him in dead would receive a hefty reward.

Garroth was found drowned in the river, abandoned. his biggest regret was not being able to tell his mother his plan or give her the piece of mind that her son is still alive

[theweeklydiscourse]

tw: mention of CSA and abuse

just saw your recent reblog about Nosferatu and idk what is your actual take on it but i've to disagree with the op saying <this is not a story about grooming nor abuse... it can be,> the movie is very obviously and directly concerned about sexual abuse and the uncomfortable eroticism only enhances the horror of the whole situation. i just find posts that constantly need to mention "it's not about abuse it really isn't!" entirely dishonest and intentionally denying the very obvious theme of the movie just so they don't have to face the fact that they liked a ship that is as noncon as it gets. it is essentially a grooming rapist/victim relationship which obviously makes people uncomfortable to admit which is why they don't want to acknowledge that. and that explains the vehement push back against the SA narrative (which isn't a simple interpretation but very much what literally happens in the movie). i just think that people need to just start being honest with themselves like there's nothing wrong if you end up liking an absolutely fucked up dynamic and the whole “death and the maiden” of it all but please stop with the "this isn't a story of abuse" takes because that is actually harmful. not the shipping but denying the fact that this is a movie about abuse because it has led to some very horrible takes of rape apologism with people saying "it's not abuse because she called to him so it can't be" like... no. just no.

There are a few issues at play in the current discourses surrounding Nosferatu. First, one side makes sweeping generalizations about what the film is definitively about, and then the other side counters it with its own sweeping statements. This predictably gives way to certain over-corrections in the discourse that try to find an absolute answer to subject matter that is up for audience interpretation. I actually had a similar thought occur to me when I read that quote in that particular post, and I say that as someone who is really into the "Death and the Maiden" dynamic. We're talking about a film that provides more than enough support for multiple interpretations and it's frustrating that people reject other people's ideas so they can have the *one ultimate correct* take on it.

This issue is exacerbated by the current internet climate of moralizing textual interpretations and the lack of understanding surrounding the genre Nosferatu belongs to. Gothic fiction often features taboo subject matter that is considered by many to be off-putting and disturbing, and usually, that leads to the judgement of those who enjoy it. The reason that people are overcorrecting by saying that it's not about abuse is responding to the denial of the existence of themes of repression, desire and love in the film. It's a phenomenon I also find irritating. Viewers who are totally unfamiliar with the kinds of themes and subject matter gothic fiction deals with seem to be imposing only one possible interpretation of the text while acting like people are immoral for thinking otherwise.

I also consider Robert Eggers's words in my own reading of the film. In an interview, Eggers noted that his approach to the film was informed by the trope of the "demon lover" and even referred to the relationship between Ellen, Orlok, and Thomas as a love triangle. The film is explicitly erotically charged in a manner that can be taken either way, and I believe that both interpretations are valid ones. Outright denial of interpretations of Ellen and Orlok's relationship as abusive seems foolish to me. But I also get why people might be uncomfortable fully acknowledging the more twisted nature of their dynamic. Nobody wants to get labelled as an abuse apologist over fictional matters or shipping, and there are times when merely engaging with darker subject matter gets people labelled as such. However, people need to stop being so absolutist about these things and learn to substantively engage with differing viewpoints.

I think that the online tendency to moralize fictional preferences plays a large role in people's resistance to being honest with themselves about liking taboo subjects or twisted dynamics. There's nothing wrong with liking it, but it's hard to do so openly without incurring some form of criticism and contempt. Denial gets us nowhere.

[blue-mint-winter]

Daemon and Viserys' relationship and their roles in the family - analysis

Psychoanalyzing characters is a common fun past time in fandom and recently I stumbled on a take how Daemon actually wanted to be Viserys' sister and fulfill the role of the king's wife but it couldn't happen, so he lived it out through marrying Rhaenyra.

I vehemently disagree with this interpretation. The relationship between Viserys and Daemon is complicated, but I don't think it's in that way. There's no indication Daemon wants to be a woman. Desire to be respected, trusted, loved and needed by his family, to serve his monarch isn't exclusive to one gender. Daemon's desired role in the family isn't that of his brother's wife. If that was the case he'd be jealous of Aemma and Alicent, not Otto.

First, let's look at the obvious, the basics of the brothers' family situation. Do they look like they were raised normally? Daemon definitely doesn't act like a well-adjusted individual by their society's standards. We need to look for the reasons for his rogue-like behavior.

His mother, Alyssa died, when Daemon was 3 years old and Viserys was 7 years old. A lot of people assume that their father, Baelon, picked up a slack caused by his wife's death and dedicated himself to raising his sons. It's widely assumed that Daemon's loyalty to Viserys is something he was taught by Baelon. However, there's no evidence to support this assumption and plenty suggesting otherwise.

Fire and Blood explains that Baelon was hit so hard by his wife's death that he never remarried. He refused his younger sister's seduction attempt despite being known as a 'lusty lad'. His reaction to his brother's death was also extreme. He burned thousands of men and even after coming back hours or maybe days later (we don't know how much time it took, but it wasn't a short flight from Tarth back to Kings Landing) he still was so emotional and openly grieving that he publicly cried in his mother's arms.

Losing the love of his life must have affected him even more deeply than losing his brother. Am I supposed to believe this perpetually mourning widower had the faculties to pay close attention to his 2 young sons and their needs? Especially after he became heir and Prince of Dragonstone, taking on all these new duties that undoubtedly took up most of his time?

It's pretty telling that Fire and Blood DOESN'T say anything about Baelon's relationship with his sons despite the fact he is the father of a king and the famous Rogue Prince who both continued the dynasty. There's no mention of them doing anything with their father, nothing about any father-son bonding activities. Even when Daemon received Dark Sister, it was from king Jaehaerys, not Baelon, the previous wielder of the sword. Baelon's relevancy ends with his death which allows Otto to become the Hand and leads to the Great Council in Harrenhal. When Baelon dies, the one who is sitting with him and holding his hand isn't one of his sons, but Jaehaerys, who also lights his funeral pyre. Baelon is never mentioned again in the context of his sons and how he possibly affected them. What's more, both Viserys and Daemon never talk about him in both the book and the show. It's like for them, Baelon might not have existed. They're beings separate from him. Viserys' overdependence on Otto as his Hand can be seen as another sign that Baelon didn't spend much time with his son to teach him about being the king.

All of the above points to one conclusion - Baelon had a minimal role in the raising of his sons. It doesn't mean that they lacked filial piety as both brothers honored their father by naming a child after him (Baelon and Baela), however it seems likely that Baelon was an absent father. Alyssa's death effectively orphaned both sons, taking their father away as well in a functional sense.

In such circumstances it seems natural that Viserys as the older brother became Daemon's parental figure. With Baelon lost in his grief and later occupied with his duties as the heir, the boys only had each other as the closest family. Their extended family lacked any adults willing and capable of properly looking after them. As the result, Viserys was the one raising Daemon.

Viserys being Daemon's father figure explains a lot about them. Daemon being his heir affirms this relationship. He doesn't want to be replaced in Viserys' heart by actual sons but Rhaenyra as a daughter isn't a threat to him in that sense. Viserys on the other hand treats Daemon more like a child than a brother (sending him away to Runestone as a punishment for misbehavior - like a parent sending a misbehaving child to stand in the quiet corner of the room). He doesn't think of Daemon as an equal or someone he can rely on for help. Why? Because from the beginning Viserys was taking care of Daemon, was responsible for him. Daemon's refusal to cut the umbilical cord and start his own family with Rhea Royce, instead choosing to stay dependant on his brother, must have been perplexing to Viserys, because he raised Daemon, but he doesn't actually regard him as his son. And this is the root cause of their conflict with each other - Daemon feels like Viserys is his parent and wants to be treated accordingly as a son, but Viserys sees him only as an irresponsible little brother that he always has to clean up after.

What's more, Viserys wants Daemon to act as an ideal brother to him - be responsible, dutiful, supportive and obedient, but Daemon refusing to do his duties as expected of him makes him unreliable in Viserys' eyes and unfit to be his heir. Which means that Daemon rejecting Rhea and clinging to the title of heir because he wants to fill the role of Viserys' son has the opposite effect - his actions prove that he can't be the heir/brother that Viserys desires (compare with Rhaenyra who complies with the arranged marriage to Laenor which she didn't want and does her duty to birth heirs to the best of her abilities, which satisfies Viserys' requirements for his heir).

Daemon pursues the role of Viserys' son and in this context his marriage to Rhaenyra makes perfect sense. By being Viserys' daughter, she's metaphorically Daemon's sister that he should marry as the 'son' according to the tradition of House Targaryen. She's the heir directly descended from Viserys that Daemon can't be and Daemon is the son she can't be. Thanks to marrying Rhaenyra Daemon becomes Viserys' son in law, the closest he can get to making his role as the 'son' official.

What's more, as the result of his complicated relationship with Viserys, Daemon strived to do better as a father to sons that weren't of his blood. He accepted Rhaenyra's Velaryon sons and raised them as his own, upholding their claim to the throne over his biological sons. He betrothed his daughters to Jace and Luke, who were only their cousins, not Aegon III and Viserys II, their full-blooded brothers. Baela and Rhaena were only 4 years older than Aegon, so the age gap wasn't a big issue. Though it seems Daemon and Rhaenyra planned to have more children to provide sisterwives to their sons (Visenya's conception would suggest that).

The betrothal wasn't just political. It showed that Daemon fully accepted Jace and Luke as his sons by giving them his daughters' hands in marriage - which is something that Viserys refused to do for Daemon. Jace's actions during the war suggest that he was taught by Daemon about politics and strategy. Daemon's reaction to Lucerys' death is to arrange a terrible vengeance on the Greens. Also, the third son, Joffrey, resembles Daemon the most from the Velaryon boys - a spare son who lost one parent at the age of 3 (just like Daemon who might have seen himself in the boy), he wanted to be a knight and prove himself in battle, loved dragons and tried to save them, swore a terrible oath of vengeance for Luke's death, was even sent to the Vale for a time (to Gulltown) and was entered into a political betrothal (with a Manderly girl). All of the above proves that Daemon spent time with all three Velaryon boys, fulfilling the duties of their father and becoming their role model (in the TV show it's only expressed through Jace who is constantly asking after Daemon and emulating him in his dress and bearing).

Viserys as a father is another topic worth looking into in the context of his youth. The first thing that comes to mind about him is that he was a great dad to his daughters, Rhaenyra and Helaena. He made Rhaenyra his heir and always defended her claim and her sons, only once threatening to take the position away from her when she opposed doing the heir's duty by marrying Laenor. Helaena had a custom of visiting Viserys with her children in the evenings for bedtime stories, which proves she had a close relationship with her father (there is only one example of her visiting, before Viserys' death, but she did the same with Alicent, so it had to be a routine for her to bring the children to their grandparents).

On the other hand, Viserys isn't much of a father to his sons. He was raising Daemon while being a child himself and the effects were mixed and rather unsatisfactory to Viserys. Daemon was Viserys' first practice at being a father to a boy. Later, with his actual sons - Aegon II, Aemond and Daeron - Viserys seems absent, neglectful and disinterested in raising them or even interacting with them. It couldn't be just because of his illness, which in the books only got bad in the last few months of his life. Viserys had time for Helaena, but his sons act fatherless and Daeron is even sent away to be raised by his mother's family.

Why is Viserys good with raising girls but not boys? I think once again we need to look at his early years to find the cause. It's very likely Viserys treated his sons similarly to how his own father, Baelon, treated him. Just like there's no mention of Baelon doing any bonding with his sons, the same is true of Viserys. Viserys once made a jibe that Aemond could claim a dragon on Dragonstone "if the lad is bold enough" which stung Aemond and pushed him to claim Vhagar. It's possible similar circumstances led to Viserys claiming Balerion in his youth and so the history (or rather just story) made a full circle.

However, the first girl Viserys raised wasn't Rhaenyra. It was Aemma. Viserys married Aemma when he was 18 and she was 11. It means that a preteen girl, still a child, was put under his care. Aemma was separated from her family and father in Eyrie and became Viserys' sole responsibility as his wife. In addition, it's not stated if this separation occurred at the time of marriage or even earlier. If they had a formal betrothal first, she could have been placed under Viserys' influence at an even younger age. In any case, it's undeniable that logically, for the lack of other capable candidates to fulfill the father's role in Aemma's life, Viserys had to be the one who did it and raised Aemma through her teenage years. His positive relationship with Aemma then influenced his ability and interest in being a father to his real daughters.

As the last point in this longish commentary, it's pretty interesting that it's not just Daemon who uses the son in law route to become a son to his chosen father figure. Doesn't Viserys do the same when he decides to marry Alicent? He then becomes Otto's son in law. Young Viserys' need for guidance of his Hand in his early years as the king makes it possible that he saw Otto as a father figure that he sorely lacked. Even after dismissing him for the insistence to change the succession, Viserys forgave Otto and brought him back, then trusted him to run the kingdom as Viserys' health deteriorated. Maybe I am reading too much into this relationship or maybe it was just very one-sided on Viserys' side. I don't see the same affection for Viserys in Otto who left Viserys' corpse to rot and betrayed his will with the usurpation. It seems Otto simply manipulated Viserys from the start for his own gain, to stay in power.

It looks like Daemon after being rejected by Viserys also sought a replacement father figure and gravitated towards Corlys, eventually becoming his son in law by marrying Laena. Anyway, it's an interesting mechanism for men to marry in order to become sons in law to their father figures. Or Daemon betrothing Jace and Luke to his daughters to make them his sons in law.

-

Thanks for reading, I hope this was interesting and clear enough. This was a pretty spur of the moment analysis. Next time I plan a topic related to TWOIAF :)

[calico-constellation]

Hi! Feel no pressure to answer, but I have a few questions (regarding DID)

So I'm aware of what an endo system is, but I'm a bit confused on why it would be considered valid since the condition is directly caused by trauma, which is the thing that endos lack. Could you please explain your perspective on it? And maybe your perspective before you became pro-endo?

Hey! I've been sitting on this ask for a few days now. I do want to start out by thanking you for reaching out to me and asking about my perspective. Please note that you are not obligated to agree with me, or to change your mind just from my answer to your questions. I like having you as a mutual, and I will continue to do so regardless of your syscourse stance.

I'm going to grab a term that some of my mutuals in the DID community have used, and say I'm really more pro syscourse conversation than I am pro endo- pro endo is just the easiest way to communicate my basic stances.

I think the most important thing to understand here is that a lot of the time, the "are endos real" debate suffers from both sides fundamentally misunderstanding what the other's stance actually is. While there is a small subsection of the endo community claiming that DID isn't trauma based- which I vehemently disagree with, DID is absolutely trauma based, and that's backed by all of the research- that's not the majority.

Most endogenic systems are not claiming to have DID. They are claiming to experience themselves as more than one. I am by no means an expert on this, but I know that it is a very western-centric view to assume that everyone subscribes to being one singular self. If you want to learn more about non-western views on the self and on plurality, I would recommend looking at @system-of-a-feather's blog. They make great posts on the subject!

And- here's a real kicker- not everyone with a CDD- CDD standing for complex dissociative disorders and including the likes of DID, OSDD, P-DID, UDD, etc- actually identifies as plural. Not everyone with even DID identifies as plural. So if someone with a CDD can identify as one, what's stopping someone who doesn't have a CDD from identifying as more than one? This post puts it pretty well, so I'm just going to link it here! And if you're looking for scientific backing on endo systems? Dr Colin Ross, one of the very well known DID researchers, believes in non-traumagenic self states.

Basically, I'm choosing to believe people when they talk about their subjective personal experiences.

Now you did also ask about my anti-endo days and I will also gladly talk about those. I will admit, I was the worst kind of anti-endo. I was the type of person who would throw even other CDD systems under the bus as fakers because I wanted to seem more legitimate. Everyone who didn't present the "right" way was a faker. And endos, my goodness. They were the worst fakers of them all.

It was an extremely reactive position to take. I was suffering from my plurality, therefore everyone who wasn't had to be faking. They were making a mockery out of me! At least, that's how I perceived it.

And then I started interacting with endos, and pro endos. I realized that they were also real people, not just an abstract concept to make fun of to make myself look more legitimate. And I started reading blogs that had the rawest, realest content about CDDs that I'd come across thus far... and they were pro endo. And the arguments as to why were really good.

Somewhere along the way, I realized that the things that were leading me to being anti endo were the same things that made me into a transmed when in the 2010s. I believed that people had to meet a minimum quota of suffering to be real. In a way, I was defining people by it. And ultimately, if they are lying? It costs me nothing to believe them. I'd rather believe some liars than not believe people who are telling the truth. I've had enough experience with people not believing me. It sucks. I didn't want to keep doing that to others.

That's about the end of this yap session! Seriously, thanks again for asking, I really enjoyed writing this post. I hope I answered in a way that makes sense to you!

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

How do you analyze so good I'm really impressed and honestly wonder if I can learn from you

It's a skill, so the good news is, you can practice and get better at it!

Read A Lot/Gain Context

Analysis often means making comparisons or drawing from external context - one of the best things you can do if you want to be better at analysis is to try to cram your head with as much knowledge as possible. The time period, culture of origin, and where the author slots into those are usually major influences on a work (in Homestuck's case, much of it is a direct commentary on the internet culture it emerged from, and missing that part of it can drastically influence how the story reads).

Also important are the works the author themselves are inspired by. You've likely heard some variation of "nothing is original." We're actually really lucky with Homestuck in that regard, as the work is highly referential, and you can glean a lot by looking at what it references (for example, if you watch Serendipity, one of Karkat's favorite movies, which is titledropped during the troll romance explanation, you will understand Karkat so much better). This applies to things like mythological allusions - you'll hardly know why it matters that Karkat is a Christ figure if you don't know what the general outline of the Christ story is, nor will you pick up on the Rapture elements of Gamzee's religion or the fact that Doc Scratch is The Devil, etc. The key to picking up a lot of symbolism is being aware that the symbols exist.

And last, it helps to read a lot of media and media analysis so you can get a better understanding of how media "works" - how tropes are used, what effect language has, what other entries into the genre/works with similar themes/etc. have already done to explore the same things as the piece being analyzed is doing - and what other people have already gleaned and interpreted. I've mentioned before that many people seem to find Homestuck's storytelling bizarre and unique when it's actually quite standard for postmodernism, the genre it belongs to. But you're not going to know that if you've never read anything postmodern, y'know? I also often prepare for long character essays by reading other peoples' character essays - sometimes people pick up on things I miss, and sometimes people have interpretations I vehemently disagree with; both of these help me to refine my take on the matter.

Try to Discard Biases/Meet the Work Where It Is

Many will carry into reading media an expectation of what they want to get out of it. For example, one generally goes into a standard hetero romance book expecting a female lead, a male love interest, romance (of course), and a happy ending for the happy couple. If the book fails to deliver these things, a reader will often walk away thinking it was a bad book, even if the story told instead is objectively good and interesting. We actually see this a lot with Wuthering Heights, which receives very polarizing reviews because people go into it expecting a gothic romance, when it's really more like a gossip Youtube video spilling the tea on some shitty rich people (and it's really good at being that).

There's nothing necessarily wrong with this when reading for pleasure and personal enjoyment, but it presents a problem when attempting to analyze something. There's a concept called the "Procrustean bed," named after a mythological bandit who used to stretch people or cut off their limbs to fit them to a bed, that describes "an arbitrary standard to which exact conformity is forced." Going into a media reading with expectations and biases often results in a very Procrustean reading - I'm sure we've all seen posts complaining about how fanfic often forces canon characters to fit certain archetypes while discarding their actual character traits, etc.

Therefore, when reading for analysis, it's generally a good idea to try and discard as much bias and expectation as possible (obviously, we are never fully free of bias, but the effort counts) - or, perhaps even better, to compartmentalize those biases for comparison while reading. For example, Hussie talks at length about what they INTENDED Homestuck to be, and, while reading, I like to keep Hussie's words to the side while I try to experience the comic fresh, seeing what choices were made in accordance with Hussie's intentions, or where I think Hussie may have fumbled the messaging. At the same time, I try to let the work stand on its own, set in its proper context.

I'd say this is the number-one problem in fandom analysis. For example, people hear from the fandom that Eridan is an incel or a nice guy, so they interpret everything he says and does to fit that belief, or ignore any contradictory evidence. Or they fall for the character's façade that's meant to be dismantled by the viewer. Some works are fairly shallow and accessible, wearing all their meaning on their sleeve (or are Not That Deep, if you prefer meme-talk), and problems arise when a work is, in fact, That Deep, because someone biased towards the former will discard evidence that a work is the latter. This isn't exclusive to HS - it's happened in basically all of my fandoms - which is a statement to how easy it is to fall into this way of thinking.

Even without knowing that Hussie had coming-of-age themes in mind, for example, characters will talk about being kids and growing up. Knowing that Hussie has explicitly said that that's one of HS's themes serves as extra evidence for that interpretation, but the work itself tells you what it's about - if you're willing to listen to it.

Even If the Curtains are Just Blue, That Still Means Something

This is the next biggest fandom stumbling block - thr insinuation that when things in a work are put into the work without more explicit symbolism, that that means they're a discardable detail. This one is more about making a mindset shift - details aren't discardable, even if they don't appear to have been made with the explicit intention to mean something. Everything kind of means something.

First of all, whether or not the curtains are Just Blue is often highly dependent on the work. For example, in something made in large quantities with little time, staff, and budget - say, for example, one of the entries into the MCU's TV shows - there likely isn't too much meaning behind a choice of blue curtains in a shot (although you'd be surprised how often choices in these constrained environments are still very deliberately made). In a work like Homestuck, however, so terribly dense with symbolism and allegory, chances are, the blue curtains DO hold some special meaning, even if it's not readily apparent.

However, even in cases where a choice is made arbitrarily, it still usually ends up revealing something about the work's creative process. Going back to our MCU example, perhaps the blue curtains were chosen because the shot is cool-toned and they fit the color grading. Perhaps they were chosen because the director really likes blue. Perhaps the shot was filmed at an actual location and the blue curtains were already there. Or, even, perhaps the blue curtains were just what they had on hand, and the show was made too quickly and cheaply to bother sourcing something that would fit the tone or lend extra meaning. These all, to varying degrees, say something about the work - maybe not anything so significant that it would come up in an analysis, but they still contribute to a greater understanding of what the work is, what it's trying to say, and how successful it is at saying it.

And this applies to things with much higher stakes. For example, Hussie being a white US citizen likely had an effect on the B1 kids being mostly US citizens, and there was discourse surrounding how, even though they were ostensibly aracial, references were made to Dave's pale skin. Do I think these were deliberate choices made to push some sort of US superiority; no, obviously not. But they still end up revealing things about the creation of the work - that Hussie had certain biases as a result of being who they were.

Your Brain is Designed to Recognize Patterns, So Put That to Use

So with "establish context" and "discard expectations" out of the way, we can start getting into the nitty-gritty of what should be jumping out at you when attempting to understand a work. One of the most prominent things that you should be looking for is PATTERNS.

Writing is a highly conscious effort, which draws from highly unconscious places. Naturally, whether these patterns are intentional or unintentional is dependent on the author (see again why reading up on a work's context is so important), but you can generally bet that anything that IS a pattern is something that holds significance.

For example, Karkat consistently shows that he's very distraught when any of his friends get hurt, that he misses his friends, even the murderous assholes, that he's willing to sit them down and intervene on their behalf, despite all his grandstanding to the contrary. We are supposed to notice that Karkat actually loves his friends, and that he's lying when he says he doesn't care about them.

Homestuck is very carefully and deliberately crafted; if something comes up more than once, it's a safe bet to assume that you're supposed to notice, or at least feel, it. Don't take my word for it:

Basically, [reusing elements is] about building an extremely dense interior vocabulary to tell a story with, and continue to build and expand that vocabulary by revisiting its components often, combining them, extending them and so on. A vocabulary can be (and usually is) simple, consisting of single words, but in this case it extends to entire sentences and paragraph structures and visual forms and even entire scenes like the one linked above. Sometimes the purpose for reiteration is clear, and sometimes there really is no purpose other than to hit a familiar note, and for me that's all that needs to happen for it to be worthwhile. Triggering recognition is a powerful tool for a storyteller to use. Recognition is a powerful experience for a reader. It promotes alertness, at the very least. And in a lot of cases here, I think it promotes levity (humor! this is mostly a work of comedy, remember.) Controlling a reader's recognition faculty is one way to manipulate the reader's reactions as desired to advance the creative agenda.

But this applies to less deliberately-crafted work, too; for example, if an author consistently writes women as shallow, cruel, and manipulative, then we can glean that the author probably has some sort of issue with women. Villains often being queer-coded suggests that the culture they come from has problems with the gays. Etc. etc.

This is how I reached my conclusion that Pale EriKar is heavily foreshadowed - the two are CONSTANTLY kind to each other, sharing secrets, providing emotional support, etc. etc. It's why that part of my Eridan essay is structured the way that it is - by showing you first how consistently the two interact in suspiciously pale-coded ways, the fact that a crab is shown in both Eridan's first appearance AND his appearance on the moirallegiance "hatched for each other" page becomes the cincher of a PATTERN of the two being set up to shoosh-pap each other.

A work will tell you about itself if you listen. If it tells you something over and over, then it's basically begging you to pay attention.

Contrast is Important, Too

Patterns are also significant when they're broken. For example, say a villain is constantly beating up the protagonist. Here's our pattern: the hero is physically weaker than the villain. In a straight fight, the hero will always lose.

And then, at the mid-season two-parter, the hero WINS. Since we've set up this long pattern of the hero always losing to this villain, the fact that this pattern was disrupted means that this moment is extremely important for the work. Let's say the hero wins using guile - in this case, we walk away with the message that the work is saying that insurmountable obstacles may have workarounds, and adaptability and flexibility are good, heroic traits. Now let's say the hero won using physical strength, after a whole season of training and practicing - in this case, we say that the work says hard work and effort are heroic, and will pay off in the end.

In Homestuck, as an example, we set up a long pattern of Vriska being an awful, manipulative bitch, and a fairly remorseless killer. And then, after killing Tavros, she talks to John and admits that she's freaking out because she feels really bad about it. This vulnerability is hinted at by some of her earlier actions/dialogue, which is itself a pattern to notice, but it's not really explicit until it's set up to be in direct contrast to the ultimate spider8itch move of killing Tavros. This contrast is intended to draw our attention, to point out something significant - hey, Vriska feels bad! She's a product of her terrible society and awful lusus! While it's shitty that she killed Tavros, she's also meant to be tragic and sympathetic herself!

Hussie even talks about how patterns and surprises are used in tandem:

Prior to Eridan's entrance into the room, and even during, the deaths were completely unguessable. After Feferi's death, Kanaya's becomes considerably more so, but still quite uncertain. After her death, all bets are off. Not only do all deaths thereafter become guessable, but in some cases, "predictable". That's because it was the line between a series of shocking events, and the establishment of an actual story pattern. The new pattern serves a purpose, as a sort of announcement that the story is shifting gears, that we're drifting into these mock-survival horror, mock-crime drama segments, driven by suspense more than usual. The suspense has more authority because of all the collateral of unpredictability built up over time, as well as all the typical stuff that helps like long term characterization. But now that the pattern is out in the open, following through with more deaths no longer qualifies as unpredictability. Just the opposite, it would now be playing into expectations, which as I said, can be important too. This gear we've switched to is the new normal, and any unpredictability to arise thereafter will necessarily be a departure from whatever current patterns would indicate.

Patterns are important because they tell you what baselines the work is setting - what's normal, what's standard, what this or that generally "means." Contrast is important because it means something has changed, or some significant point is being made. They work in tandem to provide the reader with points of focus in the story, things to keep in mind as they read, consciously or unconsciously.

Theme

I'm talking about this stuff in pretty broad and open terms because stories are so malleable, and so myriad, and can say so many things. There are stories where horrible cruelties are painted as good things - propoganda is the big one, but consider all the discourse around romance books that paint abusive/toxic relationships as ideal. There are stories where the protagonist is actually the villain, and their actions are not aspirational, and works where everyone sucks and nobody is aspirational, and works where everybody is essentially a good person, if sometimes misguided.

This is, again, why outside context is so important, and biases need to be left at the door. For example, generally speaking, one can assume that the protagonist of a children's cartoon is going to be an aspirational hero, or at least a conflicted character who must learn to do the right thing. However, there are even exceptions to this! Invader Zim, for example, features an outright villain protagonist - a proud servant of a fascist empire - and for a lower-stakes example, the Eds of Ed, Edd, n' Eddy are the neighborhood scammers, constantly causing problems for the other characters with their schemes.

Thus, how do we determine what any particular narrative's stance on a given topic is? It's a difficult question to answer because every narrative is different. If I say something like, "the things that bring the protagonists success in their goals are what the narrative says are good," then we run into the issue of villain/gray morality protagonists. To use moral terms like "hero" and "villain" instead runs into the problem of defining morality within a narrative in the first place. But you have to draw the line somewhere.

So that brings us to themes.

Now, as with a lot of artistic terms, "theme" isn't necessarily well-defined (this isn't helped by the way the word is used colloquially to mean things like aesthetic, moral of the story, or symbolism). Wikipedia says: "In contemporary literary studies, a theme is a central topic, subject, or message within a narrative," but this is still very broad and hard to work with, so I'll give it a shot.

A theme is what a work says, beyond the literal series of events. Sometimes a theme is obvious - the theme of Boy Who Cried Wolf is that if you become famous for lying, you won't be believed when you tell the truth. Sometimes a theme is one of many - for example, Disney's Cinderalla says that kindness and virtue will eventually be recognized and rewarded, and that cruelty is interlinked with ugliness. Sometimes a theme is unintentional - for example, how Disney's body of work tends to villainize queer-coded characters. Sometimes context and the passage of time changes the theme - for example, Snow White originally held a message of hope for wartime families that domestic normalcy would one day return, but is now seen as anti-feminist as it appears to insinuate that a woman's place is in the kitchen, and her happiness is in marriage to a man. And sometimes a theme is not something you agree with.

In any case, a theme is a meaning to be gleaned from the text, more broad and universally applicable than the text itself. After all, we humans have traditionally always used story to impart meaning; our oldest epic, The Epic of Gilgamesh, contains within it several themes, most famously that of accepting one's mortality. It's startling, really, how applicable the story is to this day, even if specific details have become obtuse or unsavory to a modern reader.

This is, again, why it's so important to engage with a text on its own terms, in its own context, with as little bias as possible. A story's themes are not necessarily apparent, and commonly implied rather than stated outright, and approaching the story with expectations can easily lead to a Procrustean twisting of the facts to fit those expectations. A theme should emerge to the analyzer out of the reading, not the other way around.

Identifying theme gets easier with practice, and largely comes down to identifying patterns within the narrative (alongside looking at context and symbolism, of course). What does the narrative consistently touch base on? Are there any references; is there any symbolism? What does the story deem "normal," "good," or "bad"? How are ideas developed, and why? Why did these events happen, and are those motivations echoed anywhere else?

Homestuck is very complex and tackles many topics at once, and explaining why it's a coming-of-age would basically require a whole second essay, so I'll use a simpler and more popular example (like I've been trying to do) - let's say, Shrek.

The most obvious theme of Shrek is that beauty does not equate goodness, that one mustn't judge a book by its cover. The opening sequence is LITERALLY Shrek ripping out pages of a fairy tale book to use as toilet paper, and the movie ends with Fiona finding that her happiest, truest self IS as an ugly ogre. Shrek's main character conflict is that people immediately judge him as cruel and evil because he's ugly, and the characters' lowest points occur because Fiona is similarly insecure about her ogre half, considering it unlovable.

But there's other stuff in there, too. For example, if you know that Dreamworks and Shrek were founded after a falling out with Disney, then the beautiful, sanitized city of Dulac, with its switchback queue and singing animatronics add to this theme of a direct refutation of traditional Disney fairytale values, mocking them as manufactured, inhuman, and even cruel in the way that they marginalize those who don't fit an ideal of beauty. Again we see the opening sequence - defacing a fairytale - as support for this, but also the way that Dulac is displacing fairytale creatures. There's a moment where Gepetto literally sells Pinocchio, which can easily be read as a commentary on the crass commercialization and exploitation of fairy tales Disney likes to do.

And then, of course, there are lesser, supplementary themes. Love being a powerful positive force is one - Donkey is able to rally Shrek after he truly reciprocates Dragon's love for him (which echoes the theme of not equating goodness with beauty, as Dragon is still big and scary), and it's true love's kiss that grants Fiona her happy ending.

And then there's stuff that's unintentional. There's all this work done about how beauty =/= goodness, but then they made the villain incredibly short, which is a traditionally unattractive physical feature. So, does that mean that ugly things can be beautiful unless that ugliness is specifically height?

Sometimes, authorial intent does not match up with result - but in those instances, I think the most is revealed about the author. Modern Disney products tend to be very cowardly about going anti-corporation and pro-weirdness, despite their usual feel-good tones and uplifting themes - and that says a lot about Disney, doesn't it. That's why I think it's still important to keep authorial intent in mind, if possible, even if they fumble what they say they've set out to do.

Obviously, Lord Fuckwad being short doesn't REALLY detract from the overall message - but it's still a weird hitch in the themes, which I think is interesting to talk about, so you can see where personal judgement and biases DO have to be applied. There are two options here, more or less - either one believes that Shrek is making an exception for short people, who are of the Devil, or one believes that the filmmakers did a bit of an oopsie. Barring an outright statement from the filmmakers, there's no way to know for sure.

We can say a work has very complex themes when it intentionally explores multiple ideas very deeply. We can say a work has shallow themes when it doesn't have much intentional meaning, and/or that meaning is explored very lightly. The labyrinthine storytelling of Homestuck, with its forays into mortality, morality, and growing up, chock full of symbolism and pastiche and allusions, is a work with complex themes - especially as compared to the average newspaper comic strip, although they ostensibly share a genre.

We can say a work has very unified themes when these themes serve to compliment each other - the refutation of Disney-esque values, and love as a positive driving force, compliment the main theme in Shrek of not judging books by their covers, of beauty not equating to goodness. Ugly things are worthy of love, and those who push standards of beauty are evil and suck.

Similarly, we can say a work has unfocused or messy themes when the themes it includes - intentionally or not - contradict, distract, and/or detract from each other. Beauty has no correlation to goodness... unless you're short, in which case, you are closer to Hell and therefore of evil blood. To get a little controversial, this is actually why I didn't like Last Wish very much - there are approximately three separate storylines, with three separate thematic arcs, going on in the same movie, none of which particularly compliment each other - so the experience was very messy to me, story-wise, even though it was pretty and the wolf was hot. This is why we feel weird about Disney pushing anti-corporate messages, when they're a big corporate machine, or why it's easy to assume Homestuck was written poorly if you don't like Hussie - we want themes to be coherent, we want context to be unified with output.

Tone

Tone is somehow even harder to define than theme. It's like, the "vibe" of a work. For example, you generally don't expect something lighthearted to deal with the realistic, brutal tragedies of war. Maybe it'll touch on them in light, optimistic ways, but it isn't about to go All Quiet on the Western Front on the reader. By the same token, you don't expect fully happy endings out of the melodrama of opera, or frivolous slice of life from something grimdark.

Tone, too, is something people often wind up Procrusteanizing, which makes discussion difficult if two people disagree. If I read Homestuck as unwaveringly optimistic, with its downer ending the result of an author fumble, I'm pretty much going to irreconcileably disagree with somebody who reads Homestuck as though it's always been a kind of tragedy where things don't work out for the characters. Since it's even more difficult to define than theme, I'm not even really going to bother; I just felt like I had to bring it up because, despite its nebulosity, it's vital to how one reads and interprets a text. Sometimes I don't have a better answer for why I dislike a certain interpretation other than that it doesn't suit the work's tone. I generally try to avoid saying that, though, because it winds up smacking of subjective preference.

In summary... analysis is about keeping everything in mind all the time! But i swear, it gets easier the more you do it. Happy reading!

[carrymelikeimcute]

The izcourse continues...

When did people stop saying 'in my opinion'? because lord above would that simple phrase have stopped me getting so mad this morning.

I have no interest in reblogging the posts and starting drama, but some izzy takes I've seen this morning have made me want to chew through rawhide, and here's my opinion on why these 'factual statements' are wrong.

Izzy fans shouldn't be upset by his death because he's not a main character, he is a plot device to further the story of the main characters.

I'm a professional writer btw and to me a 'plot device' character is the barista who's in one scene. To me, if a named character with backstory and complicated interpersonal history with one or more main characters is just 'a plot device' - that's a waste of a character and shitty writing. I don't think ofmd is shittily written so this annoys me on two levels - disrespecting the show, and the character. Because in my view if Izzy is 'just a plot device' that's someone insulting the show.

2. Izzy was an antagonist and antagonists can only ever be redeemed and then die, or become a villain.

Not even true of ofmd and certainly not of media in general, yet stated as fact with nothing to back it up. This is NOT an opinion btw - you only have to look at Zheng and Jackie to know it's not true within the context of the show.

Jackie dobs Stede in to the British just as much as Izzy does, and she threatens them with vengeance again over the indigo - does she die? Does she become a villain? No, she's a guest at the lupete wedding for fuck sake.

Zheng insults Ed and attempts to kill Stede, two things Izzy was vilified for, gosh it was so sad when she died in the finale wasn't it? Oh no wait, she became their ally and sailed away on The Revenge!

'Have to die or become villains' is just...incomprehensible to me. The only way I can see it working in someone's head is if they think character like Jackie and Zheng did nothing wrong, when Izzy was evil, for doing the same things - albeit for more personally passionate reasons.

3. Izzy telling Ed that the ship's atmosphere was poison because of 'his feelings for Stede' was Izzy 'blaming Ed's actions on love again, just like he did in s1.e10 because Izzy is just one-note evil and only ever has that one thing to say.

To me, s1 Izzy is absolutely thrilled to have managed to bait Ed to anger, to have brought this out of him. He thinks he knows what he's just unleashed, but as we soon discover, he has no idea - because Ed had never cut off one of his extremities before. He poked the bear, but the bear was actually a fucking kraken.

s2 Izzy, in my opinion, looking at his expression above, is sad, resigned, he is saying Stede's name (which it's already established even obliquely mentioning him is a BAD IDEA with the whole 'talk it through' thing, after which Izzy sounds panicked) but he is specifically trying to make Ed see that he is not himself - that what he is doing to the crew is toxic.

Just because he's essentially saying 'This isn't you' in both scenes, doesn't mean the tone or the meaning of those scenes is the same. One scene ends with Izzy gleeful, victorious. One ends with him screaming on the deck, bleeding out.

I am happy for people to have these opinions, and for me to vehemently disagree with them, but they ARE opinions. And Izzy 'fans' or you know, people who see the show differently to you, are not stupid, racist, immature or whatever else you want to call us.

We just have a different opinion. If you're going to share your opinion, great! But it's still just your opinion.

[tarzelladraws]

I want to talk about productively hating a fictional character!

After a discussion on one of my recent bluesky posts, I thought it would be interesting to facilitate a conversation on why I believe you can find insight in disliking a fictional character while also not letting it ruin your day and making it everyone else’s problem.

A largely disliked part of online fandom tends to be disagreements on what characters you love and which ones you believe deserve to rot and burn. Most often I find that this is why friends (as well as myself) don’t interact in certain online fandoms/spaces.

I tend to avoid this aspect only because I never find that the person I’m in conversation with ever cares to look deeper than “I just don’t like them”, “they were mean to a character I like” or, commonly in fantasy/scifi “they killed people and that’s wrong”. Yeah, they did do something bad. But isn’t it interesting to think about why they do it?

Are you wrong for not liking a character? No, not really. You can meet the coolest most genuine person there’s ever been and I guarantee someone out there vehemently disagrees with you and prays on their downfall. The important question is why do they dislike them.

So my question: why can hating characters be insightful? My thesis: you’re just not going to like everyone and you should explore why and be okay with the answer.

Because it’s more interesting to know what makes people different, to understand why they react the way they do. I think it’s stupid to refuse to consume, as well as condemn others for the consumption of certain media because you happen to dislike a character contained within it.

Because isn’t that interesting? Doesn’t it get boring when everyone is likable and exactly the type of person you’d want to be best friends with? Earlier this month I was on a panel for screenwriters where we discussed building characters. An audience member asked what our one piece of (character) writing advice is. My answer was that you should write a character that you’d hate. Someone who, if you met them at a party, you’d loath. You can’t see yourself making an effort to reach out to and spend time with them.

Because not everyone can be perfect and good. It’s not a good story if that’s the case. You need an antagonist, and sometimes the main character is that person. Sometimes the villain draws you in because they’re well written and complex. And sometimes the character is neutral. They aren’t better or worse than anyone else, they just make different choices than you would.

Two of my favorite pieces of media in the last two years had main characters that I HATED. I read a book where I wanted to bare knuckle brawl both protagonists in a Denny’s parking lot. It was my favorite book of 2023. None of the three main characters in Challengers are necessarily good people and I left the theater thinking “God I hated all of them. This is one of the best screenplays I’ve seen in years.”

Because it forced me to think! I spent days wondering what about them was so interesting to me. At the end of the day it was always that I got a glimpse into thought processes that I don’t naturally gravitate towards. Because a well written character feels like a real person and not everyone is the same.

To me the spice of life is opposition. It’s standing nose to nose with something/one that I disagree with. It’s finding out someone thinks Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow is a pile of steaming hot garbage when in reality they’re wrong and it’s an achievement in low budget genre film making. That doesn’t make me want to cuss them out and leave. It only makes me want to talk to them more. The real insight is found in the conversation, either with yourself or others. “Why?”

Kylo Ren is a bad guy. He’s killed people, he is given multiple opportunities for redemption and waits until the last possible moment to stick out his hand. Much of that is poor story organization on the part of DLF, but if you move past that and explore motive he’s suddenly so much more.

He became the villain because he had his weaknesses exploited at a vulnerable age and mental state. He’s related to three of the galaxy’s greatest heroes and one of its greatest evils and is always choking on the shadow of this legacy and all it entails. THAT is fascinating to me. Hate him, but don’t deny that there isn’t something there to explore.

This is all over the place, but in the end it’s my belief that disliking a character isn’t bad, it’s condemning others for diving into what’s presented to them and having a natural curiosity to explore humanity in all it’s vastness. It’s being adverse to dynamic characters and the complexities of life and another person’s authenticity.

[wolf-star-chaser12]

Radio Nights

| tw: panic attacks. pairings: jegulus. fluff, pure fluff word count: 3086 |

It was him again, that same boy. He kept calling the station over and over. Regulus should’ve been sick of it, but the boy kept him company unknowingly. 

Regulus ran the local radio station during the night hours because his body physically refused to be up from seven to five during the day. It worked out quite well— he got to choose the music and rarely got complaints because no one listened to his station when he was running it. He was able to complete his online classes easily and was set to graduate a year early, even with two majors. The job paid quite well and he lived two buildings down. It was perfect.

The only downside was that he rarely got to talk with his brother, Sirius. Regulus was a being of the night and his brother was a deranged creature who got up before Regulus went to bed— which varied from five to six.

Regulus figured his music suited the hours of the night perfectly. There was nothing upbeat, no loud music, it was all mellow and overall quiet. But this boy who kept calling their station, always said Mamma Mia was perfect for 2 A.M.. Regulus vehemently disagreed and refused to put on any ABBA songs. He should be worried about upsetting their listeners, but he didn’t care, and it seemed neither did the other boy. 

“Please?” the boy asked, for the third night in a row.

“No. Why are you even up anyway?” Regulus asked.

“It’s a perfectly reasonable time to be up.”

“It’s two A.M.” he deadpaned.

“Is it really? Huh. Well, that makes sense, usually the music is so much different when I’m home.”

“Do you have a problem with my music?”

“No! Your music is perfectly fine, I just wish I had something upbeat to listen to this early in the morning. It’ll help keep me awake.”

Regulus was intrigued, was this boy out of town? It made sense if he was currently in a different time zone. After all, why would anyone who wasn’t a local listen to his station?

“What time is it for you?”

“Six. I’m only four hours ahead.”

Regulus really shouldn’t let the call go on for this long. It was meant for requests, not conversations. “This seems like a you problem. If you want different music, change the station.”

He hung up before the boy could protest. Regulus thought it odd that this boy only started making requests when he was supposedly out of town. Sirius was also out of town, but it was only a coincidence. The only time he could ever really have a conversation with his brother was when whatever time zone he was in lined up with Regulus’ hours. The rest of his night went smoothly, but he got no more calls, he felt a bit disappointed but didn't know why.

The next night, the boy called the station number again. Sighing, Regulus picked up the phone.

“What do you want this time?”

“Is this how you greet all of your listeners?”

“Only you, because you can’t take no for an answer.”

“But please. It’s just one song.”

“No. People are used to my music at this time and they would be confused if I suddenly put on a random ABBA song.”

“No one needs to know.”

“I’ll know.”

The boy sighs. “I guess I’ll stop asking for ABBA then.”

Regulus felt both relieved and disappointed. 

“Can you put on Bohemian Rapsody?”

Regulus groaned. It was one of Sirius’ favourite songs.

“It’s not for me it’s for my mate, he’s driving so he can’t ask.”

Regulus thought for a moment, he didn’t hate the song, but it would also be funny to let his friend choose whatever he liked.

Smirking, Regulus said, “Okay, only because your friend asked.”

He hung up as the boy squawked in outrage and lined up Bohemian Rapsody to play next. A few hours later, Regulus got a text from Sirius. 

‘thanks for playing my song :P’

Wait what?

‘What are you talking about?’

‘you actually played it on the radio’

‘What were doing up so early?’

‘seven a.m. is more than reasonable’

Regulus scoffed. ‘Whatever you say.’

Regulus began to suspect something was up. Was it possible this boy and Sirius knew each other? Or maybe Sirius just happened to be listening to the radio at the same time. It was possible, but it was also possible for him and Sirius to somehow know each other. Unlikely.

Sirius was away playing pro rugby somewhere Regulus didn’t care to know. He was supposed to have finished the game yesterday, meaning he would be on his way back soon. Regulus missed his brother, even when he was here. They had a strange relationship but since they both ran away as kids, they’ve been working on it. Regulus has become dependent on Sirius again, but he rarely sees him because of his nocturnal schedule. Their family dinners were actually breakfast for Regulus. It sucked sometimes, but on the rare occasion he got up earlier or Sirius stayed up later, they would have fun. 

Regulus never got to meet any of his friends, and Sirius never got to meet his. Barty and Evan worked in a tattoo shop a few blocks down, they were open from ten to five, at night. Pandora was up at night because it was how she preferred it. She did astrology and astronomy things that Regulus had never quite understood. She came by sometimes unannounced, but she always showed up for their near-daily “lunch.” Dorcas… it varied from time to time. Her sleep schedule was the most fucked up of them all. She was a freelance designer, free to do whatever she liked, whenever she liked. She tried to split her schedule between their friend group and her girlfriend, Marlene. Marlene was one of the only friends of Sirius that he’s met— Remus didn’t count since he was Regulus’ friend too, not to mention Sirius’ boyfriend.

Speak of the devil.

‘Why is Sirius grinning evilly?’

‘I played Bohemian Rapsody and now he probably thinks I’ll play more Queen songs.’

‘That was a mistake.’

‘Why did you do it in the first place?’

‘Remember that boy I told you about?’

‘The one who keeps calling about ABBA?’

‘Vaguely, yes.’

‘Well…’

‘He asked for ABBA and I obviously refused. Then he said his mate was asking to play Bohemian Rapsody.’

‘I played it just to make him mad.’

‘That was mean.’

‘Do it again.’

Regulus chuckled. He didn’t know if the boy would call again. He didn’t particularly care. Or at least that’s what he was trying to tell himself. No one made song requests except for the rare caller who needed something stupidly depressing. The boy was a nice change. He never did get his name. 

The next night, he didn’t get a call until five. 

“Heyyyyyy, radio boy.”

“I’m not playing ABBA.”

Regulus could practically hear his pout. “I wasn’t going to ask.”

“Then why’d you call?”

“I like you,” he slurred.

“You’re pissed.” Regulus pinched his nose, he didn’t want to deal with this.

“Maybe. But it’s well deserved!”

“Tell yourself that in the morning when you wake up with a hangover.”

“You’re so mean. I like it.”

“There’s something wrong with you.”

“Maybe.”

Regulus couldn’t wait anymore. “What’s your name?”

“No, no. Remember? You said we couldn’t say our names to maintain privacy. So, according to you, we will not say anything unless we happen to see each other in person.”

Regulus scowled, how could he forget that? “Good night.”

“Wait no!”

“Yes?”

“One song?”

“Depends.”

“Your favourite one.”

What? No one’s asked him that before. “Why?”

“They say someone’s music taste says a lot about their character.”

“And you haven’t been listening to my music this entire time?”

“I have. But I want to know your favourite.”

Sighing, Regulus queues up his favourite— To Build A Home. He only has to wait a minute before the first notes play, the boy is still connected. 

“This is, I. This is one of my favourites.”

His heart does a funny little jump. 

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” He sounds breathless. 

“I um, I know how to play it. On piano I mean.”

Silence.

“Regulus.”

“What?”

“My name.”

“Oh. What a lovely name. Regulus. Perfect name for a star.”

Regulus blushes furiously. 

“James.”

“James. It suits you.”

More silence. “James?”

“Hmm?” 

“Goodnight, James.”

“Goodnight. Regulus.”

He hung up after it became obvious James had fallen asleep. Regulus hadn’t stopped smiling softly since he found out James’ name. He was in too deep.

—

The next night, there was no call. Nor the one after that, or for the next few nights. Regulus was sad, but he was also mad at himself for possibly having fallen in love with a stranger who called a few times. For the next two weeks, Evan would have to maintain the station with Pandora because Regulus would have to adjust to a normal schedule for a few days and then return to his nightly schedule.

He had to do a stupid dissertation for his final project, which meant presenting to an audience during the day. He needed a few days to prepare himself because it was a two-day event. Then after that, he would be spending time with Sirius before adjusting back to his regular schedule.

Sirius was thrilled at the news. He’d invited Regulus for a family/friend dinner with his so-called adoptive parents, Effie and Monty. It had been a few months since he last saw them, and that was during Sirius’ birthday. All his friends would be there because they were like family. Regulus knew he would only be hanging out with Sirius, Remus and Dorcas for most of the time. Not really Sirius, however, because he would be talking to everyone. Remus and Dorcas would stay close by. 

Sirius’ best friend James would be there too. They had never met— it seemed like any time Regulus was with Sirius and sometimes his parents, James was never there. Regulus couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that maybe Sirius’ James was his James. But he was never this lucky so he quickly dropped the idea.

Pandora told Regulus she would notify him if James called again, but he never did. His presentation went by smoothly, but he still felt disappointed. Why did James stop calling?

He didn’t have time to worry about the boy right now, he was getting ready for the stupid dinner. 

“You should wear that sweater.”

Regulus whirled around. “Do you want me to look like an idiot?”

Sirius groaned. “Why did you ask for my help when you turned down every option I suggested?”

“Because they’re your friends.”

Sirius was lying on Regulus’ bed, being entirely unhelpful, but he had an idea. He pulled out his phone and sent a text to Remus. 

‘I’m going to Facetime you, and you’re going to pick up saying “Hey babe.”’

‘Umm okay… why?’

‘You’ll see.’

Smirking, he called Remus, and to his credit, he did as Regulus said. 

“Hey babe.”

Sirius perked up at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice and then processed what he said. Sirius gave an undignified squawk as he nearly fell on his face. 

“Moony why are you calling my brother babe?!”

Remus’ eyes widened before he burst out laughing. 

“Not funny,” Sirius pouted. 

“It is,” Regulus and Remus said together.

“Reg, why’d you call?”

“The idiot is being unhelpful. I need something to wear.”

“You know no one will care what you look like, right?”

Regulus gave him a blank stare.

“Ugh, alright. The green cardigan with the white cuffs and trim, a white turtleneck and those black trousers. You know which ones.”

“Great, thank you.”

“Alright see you later. Bye.”

“Wait!” Sirius yelled. “Let me talk to him.”

“No.” Regulus ended the call and went to change while Sirius whined like a lost puppy. Honestly, he was so pathetic sometimes.

Regulus put on the clothes Remus had suggested— he did look good in them. Remus had a good eye, even if his style was different than Regulus’. He wanted to make a good impression, even if he seemed like he didn’t care.

They got to the Potter’s house early so Regulus could settle in before everyone else arrived. Dorcas’ and Marlene’s car was the only one pulled onto the drive. Regulus had barely stepped inside the house before Dorcas practically tackled him.

“Reg!”

“Cas…” he warned.

“Oh come off it, you like when I hug you.”

He grumbled. Dorcas looked nice— she seemed to look much healthier than the last time Regulus saw her. She had been extremely sleep-deprived and was fighting off a cold, causing her to look like a wraith. Now, she looked like her normal self. Behind her, he spotted Marlene looking at him upside down, with her head tilted back over the arm of the chair.

“Regulusssss,” she said, giving him a maniacal grin.

He waved tentatively, that smile never meant anything good. “What do you want?”

“Can’t I just say hi?”

“With you? No.”

Dorcas rolled her eyes at their antics and pulled Regulus by the arm, leading him to the kitchen where Effie was. She turned around at the sound of them entering. 

Smiling, Effie went up to hug Regulus. “How are you? It’s been too long.”

Regulus kissed her cheek. “I’m doing good. What are you making?”

“A little bit of everyone’s favourite.”

“Can I help?”

Effie smiled, “Of course.” She looked towards Dorcas, “Make sure Sirius and James don’t come into the kitchen— they’re banned.”

The three of them talked as Effie and Regulus made dinner. It was nice, maybe Regulus had nothing to worry about. When he finished doing all he could, Regulus went out to set the table. Nearly done, the door opened as Sirius burst in, yelling nonsense with several people following him inside.

“You twat, I could beat you any day.”

Regulus froze, there was no way. That voice, it was him. It couldn’t be, and yet… He turned around seeing everyone in the living room. Remus was there, trying to calm down Sirius just as Marlene was hyping him up. Sirius trailed off whatever he was saying when he made eye contact with Regulus.

He ran up to him, “Why do you look petrified?”

Regulus looked back to James, his James.

Oblivious to his struggles, Sirius called out to everyone and pushed Regulus forward to meet everyone. Everyone crowded around him, trying to introduce themselves. Thankfully, Effie chose that moment to leave the kitchen. 

“Give him space.”

Regulus was breathing too quickly. He needed to leave. It was too much, he needed to leave. Why couldn’t he breathe? Distracted by Effie’s scolding, he slipped past everyone into the hallway.

He should have known he’d have this reaction. Regulus had always had anxiety and panic attacks, and so did Sirius— it was a result of their unfortunate upbringing. Pandora and Dorcas always helped him out of the attacks, but neither was here. Where was Dorcas?

“What’s wrong?” 

It was James. Why did he have to be here, to meet him while he was breaking down? It’s not how they were supposed to meet. Regulus wanted to meet James differently, but he never got what he wanted, did he?

“Hey, can you follow my breathing?” James was kneeling in front of him. When did he end up on the floor?

Regulus tried, his hand was against James’s chest which was rising steadily and slowly. 

“That’s it, just take deep breaths.”

Regulus looked up and was instantly taken aback by James' beauty. He’d seen pictures of him, but they were nothing compared to the sight before him. His eyes were a striking colour— more green than hazel. When James smiled tentatively, it revealed a small gap between his front teeth. He was beautiful.

“Are you feeling better now?” James asked.

“I- um.” Why couldn’t Regulus speak? He’d spoken to James a dozen times before.

“You’re Sirius’s brother aren’t you?”

Regulus nodded.

“He used to get panic attacks all the time, he still gets them once in a while.”

Regulus still stared. 

James chuckled nervously. “Umm, my name’s James.”

“I know.”

“What?” James’s brows furrowed.

“I’m sorry,” Regulus covered his face in mortification. 

“Don’t apologise, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

Did James not recognise his voice?

“No, I’m sorry we had to meet like this. I didn’t want you to ever see me like this.”

“What do you… oh.” James's eyes widened as he stared at Regulus with reverence. “Regulus.”

“James.”

“It’s really you,” he said breathlessly. “I knew Sirius’s brother was named Regulus, but I didn’t think you two could possibly be the same.”

“Just how many people do you know by the name Regulus?”

“So mean.”

“You like it though,” Regulus smiled.

“Yes, yes I do. I like you too.”

Regulus felt butterflies erupt. 

James’s eyes dropped down to his mouth. Shyly, he asked, “Can I kiss you?”

“What?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Regulus gave a minute nod.

James leaned forward, capturing Regulus in the softest kiss. They kissed slowly, softly, unhurried. They had all the time in the world. But they ran out of breath and pulled back, breathing heavily. 

“Regulus?” It was Dorcas.

Regulus looked at James and to his horror, started giggling. James also started laughing before the both of them were interrupted by Dorcas.

“Oh there you are, I see you’ve met James.”

They shared a glance, which caused Dorcas to narrow her eyes in suspicion. 

“He was helping me,” Regulus said.

“With what exactly?”

“Reggie had a panic attack,” James said.

Dorcas’s eyes softened. “Are you okay now?”

Regulus nodded.

“Good, you two better head back, I delayed Sirius for long enough.” 

Dorcas left the hall, heading back into the dining room. Regulus thought more about her words. 

“Oh no.”

“What?” James asked.

“What are we going to tell Sirius?”

James thought for a moment. He looked cute when he was confused, Regulus thought.

“James?”

“Yeah?”

“What are we?”

They looked at each other, holding their breaths. 

“Maybe, could you— would you want to be my boyfriend, Regulus?”

Regulus grinned, butterflies fluttering wildly inside him. 

“Yes, I would like that very much.”

James leaned down to kiss Regulus once more before standing up. He held out his hand for Regulus to take. He got up and they walked into the dining room, hand-in-hand, much to Sirius’s confusion and everyone’s delight.

[raine-kai]

How Much Ace Loved Luffy (and so does Sabo, but this is mostly about Ace)

I have been suffering from the worst One Piece brainrot. Seriously, I cannot think about anything else without bring it back to One Piece, which is particularly unfortunate this month when my schedule is completely nuts.

(A few days ago, I was reading a scientific paper and I saw the word "doctrine" and went "omg Dr. Kureha??? Why is this paper mentioning One Piece?"—it's that bad.)

The thing I have been thinking about the most is Luffy's relationship with his brothers.

First off, I would like to say that I vehemently disagree with the take that Sabo is just Ace 2.0. While the relay of their stories can make them feel that way on an emotional level, exacerbated by Sabo succeeding Ace with the flame-flame fruit powers, I think Oda has done an excellent job showing that they are very distinct not only in personality, but in their relationships with Luffy.

Ace was always the first brother.

He's the one who knows Garp just as well as Luffy. He's the one introduced to Luffy through Garp. He's the one Luffy initially attaches himself to. He's the one who was there all through Luffy's childhood and adolescence, who can do a handstand on Luffy's head with no explanation, knowing that Luffy can hold him and knowing that Luffy will understand exactly what he is telling Luffy to do.

Ace was also always the most self-deprecating brother. When he was arrested, his first and only request was that nobody tell Luffy about it. When talking to Jinbei, he tells him that he would have worried Luffy couldn't live without him, but having seen his crew, he knows that Luffy will be okay.

When Luffy hears that Ace is in trouble, his first reaction is that Ace has his own adventures, and that Ace will be angry if he drops everything to chase after Ace. But when he is told that Ace is in Impel Down and his execution day is already scheduled, he drops everything, including reuniting with his crew, to sneak into the highest security prison in the world to try to break out his brother.

Meanwhile, Sabo is the kind brother.

If Ace was aware of how codependent Luffy was with him and tried to utilize tough love to push Luffy away, he's also always been the most inclined to bicker and trade mockery and insults with Luffy. Meanwhile, Sabo has always been more inclined to be concerned for Luffy, and use positive reinforcement to help Luffy improve. When Ace and Luffy were at odds, Sabo was often the mediator.

Sabo and Ace have known each other longer than either of them has known Luffy, but their relationship as brothers exists because of Luffy. As Sabo pointed out in his farewell letter to Ace, they never even defined what kind of brother they were (a thing that has more significance in Japanese, where big brother/younger brother are terms far more common than the neutral "kyoudai", which translates to elder-brother-younger-brother, and can often denote a non-blood relationship).

Luffy is their crybaby weakling baby brother, and they are both willing to throw everything aside if they are worried that Luffy might be in trouble. Not once in the story have Ace or Sabo showed up without stepping in to rescue Luffy somehow.

But today, the rescue that sticks in my brain is the most painful one of all: the death of Portgas D. Ace.

In a world full of people who exposit about the honor and dignity of a death with a back unmarked by scars, Ace dies with his back to Akainu, whose fist goes right through the tattoo proclaiming Ace's loyalty to Whitebeard.

Whitebeard's significance in Ace's life was huge.

With Ace's anger issues rooted in a childhood of being told he should never have existed, his arc is about learning that yes, he deserved to exist—he deserved to live.

And while Luffy's love, Luffy declaring how much he needed Ace, provided something of a salvation, some kind of purpose, it was not enough. Because Ace was trying to teach Luffy to be self-sufficient—was trying to help him to grow up into a man who wouldn't need Ace. Even at the very end, as he thanks Luffy for loving him, he describes himself with self-deprecation.

Being needed wasn't enough. Ace needed Whitebeard, because he needed a parent figure whom he could believe loved him, for whom he was enough. His relationship with Dadan was too utilitarian: he brought her food, and she let him stick around. His relationship with Garp was too marked with the conflict born of Garp's stated wish for Ace and Luffy to become marines. Whitebeard was the first person to embrace Ace exactly as he was and call him his son, and never expect him to be or do anything else.

Ace is genuinely surprised at the war that is waged to save his life.

Not only does he not expect Luffy to show up, he doesn't even expect Whitebeard to show up.

Regarding Whitebeard, Ace sees his actions as his own failure. He did not listen when Whitebeard told him to let Blackbeard go. His own failure to heed his father's cautionary words should not be cause for his father to wage war on the marine headquarters, he thinks.

But when Luffy turns up, Ace shouts at him—exactly as Luffy had predicted. He demands to know what Luffy thinks he's doing, weakling that he is. That Ace has his own adventures and his own pirate crew, and he doesn't need Luffy to come too.

"I'm your little brother," says Luffy in response, and I always start tearing up at that line, in manga or anime.

As far as Luffy is concerned, losing Ace is not an option.

And that one line is all it takes to make Ace back off. To remember that yes—Luffy is still his little brother, though they each have their own crews now.

The Marineford War is so full of moments where Luffy shows himself to be capable of so much more than anybody expected was possible.

But of course we all know how it ends. Luffy is the one to free Ace, but he's also the one who doesn't notice how vulnerable he is to the charging Akainu.

And Ace takes the blow intended for Luffy with his back—right in the tattoo declaring his alliance to Whitebeard.

I can't stop thinking about the significance of this.

All Ace had ever been searching for—family, belonging, purpose, acknowledgement that he was wanted—he got from Whitebeard, who was his parent in a way that nobody ever was, breaking through his insecurities about his parentage in a way that surely only got through to Ace because Whitebeard is someone who personally knew Roger. In a world without Luffy, Whitebeard and his crew would have been Ace's salvation.

But we don't live in that world. We don't know if Ace would have made it long enough to join Whitebeard in a world without Luffy.

What Ace tells us in the way that he shielded Luffy from Akainu was that Luffy was worth more to him than everything he got from Whitebeard and everyone on that crew. That he loved Luffy above and beyond all others.

And he thanked Luffy (and Whitebeard and his crew) for loving him.

I'm sure there has been ample discourse on the significance of these things. I'm pretty sure I've read, if not participated in it. But having circled back here recently, I feel like I'm discovering the significance all anew.

Ace said thank you for loving me and not I love you because he saw more value in being loved than his own love. Surely it would have been more comforting to Luffy to hear that he was loved—but Ace is caught up in the idea that he is demonspawn, not worth existing, much less being loved.

With how much he talks about Luffy to everyone he meets, surely in a world where he did not have cause to question his existence, where he did not grow up knowing that the world wished him dead, he would have been happy to just exist with the brothers he loved. He would not have felt he needed to prove that he deserved to exist.

Meanwhile, though Luffy idealizes pirates from an earlier point in the story, their backstory shows us that Luffy's desire to grow stronger originates in learning how Sabo "died". And Ace supports this narrative that Luffy ought to grow stronger, more self-sufficient.

At Luffy's core is simply love: a desire to hold his loved ones close, to be strong enough to never lose them again.

But he lost Ace anyway.

And Ace just wanted Luffy to be safe—to go on without him. His only regret, he said, was that he wouldn't be around to see the end of Luffy's dream.

Ace, at his core, just wanted to be loved. And he had that, but was not able to accept it, to believe that he deserved it, until the very end.

And isn't that just heartbreaking?

I believe that it was Ace's spirit, realizing Sabo was still alive, who knocked the memory back into him, screaming at him what the hell has he been doing, go protect and support their baby brother.

I believe Ace still lives on in Luffy, who will never stop loving the brother who all but raised him.

But I need to cry about it anyway. Again.