#which these books do very well. (despite the miscommunication and denial)

[cicadaknight]

the saint of steel series is so charming?? i’m charmed? i’m enchanted? big beefy paladin men struggling with the death of their god and just like… knitting socks and solving crimes and falling in love??

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hello, fantastic fanfiction-finding fairy godmother! *hugs*

Could you perhaps recommend a fic like radioactive trees in a red forest but maribor_petrichor, a long (not necessarily) john-centric post-s4 slowburn? With extra pain, please. Like, I'll take a whole bottle of that pain. Just- just dollop that stuff on, it'll be fine, trust me.

Yours, anon :)

Hey Lovely!

First the fic:

Radioactive Trees In A Red Forest by Maribor_Petrichor (E, 280,251 w., 73 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-S4, Suicidal Ideations, Alcohol / Rx Drug Abuse, Coming Out / Bisexual John, Seizures, Past/Referenced/Implied Child Abuse, Hallucinations, Rehab, Celibacy, Sobriety / Relapse, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Psychological Trauma, Nice /Not Anti-Mary, John’s POV, Parentlock, First Time, Angst, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending) – John Watson is what happens when a man can no longer see a reason to go on. John Watson is what happens when a man starts to let go. "It is what it is." John Watson is what happens when what "it is" becomes too much to bear. This is a story of the life, death, and resurrection of John Hamish Watson.

------

Secondly, I haven't read this one, so I can't personally suggest any similar fics, but here are some of my fave angsty post S4 John fics:

Act IV by SilentAuror (E, 39,707 w., 1 Ch. || First Person POV Sherlock, HLV Fix-It, Infidelity, Angst, Drama) – After Sherlock is shot, John moves back into Baker Street. They spend the autumn together as John tries to make sense of his life and make some important decisions about both Mary and Sherlock. Canon-compliant, excerpts from His Last Vow.

The Pieces That Fall to Earth by Itsallfine (M, 49,513 w., 84 Ch. || S4 Fix-It, Epistolary, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Parentlock, Past Abuse, Coming Out, Internalized Homophobia, Questioning Sexuality, Mental Health Issues / Therapy, Angst, Happy Ending) – John and Sherlock have hit rock bottom, but with all their armor stripped away, they can finally speak honestly, seek healing, and find the truths that matter most. An epistolary post-s4 fix-it fic. Now complete. (This fic is rated T except for one very clearly marked and easily skippable chapter, which is rated M.) Part 1 of The Pieces that Fall to Earth

In the Dark Hours by hubblegleeflower (E, 51,639 w., 12 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Unreliable Narrator, Closeted Bi John, Angst, Miscommunications, Slow Burn, First Time, John’s Blog / Epistolary, Selective Mutism) – John, wounded and silent, drifts back to Baker Street for healing...and then goes home again. He visits, gets more upbeat, chattier, smiles, jokes... and still goes home again. Sherlock wants him to move back in - it just makes sense - but John shows no signs of doing so. This is the story of how John and Sherlock learn to say what needs to be said when they're both so very, very rubbish at talking.

The Book of Silence by SilentAuror (E, 60,056 w., 2 Ch. || S4 Fix It / Post S4, Virgin Sherlock, Rosie / Parentlock, Domesticity, Fluff, Praise Kink, Sex Toys, First Person POV) – As spring blooms in London, John and Sherlock begin to take new cases and cautiously negotiate this new phase of life with John living at Baker Street again. Despite how well it's all going, John struggles to forgive himself for the way he treated Sherlock following Mary’s death as well as trying to figure out how to finally put his long-time feelings for Sherlock into words. Part 1 of The Book of Silence/Rosa Felicia

The Bells of King's College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w., 5 Ch. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst with Happy Ending, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays, Virgin Sherlock, Wedding Proposals) – It's only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths...

White Knight by DiscordantWords (M, 69,840 w., 13 Ch. || S4 Compliant/Post S4, Marriage For a Case, Jealous John, Pining John, Janine / Sherlock Fake Relationship, Serial Killers, Case Fic, Undercover as a Couple, Weddings, John is a Mess, Misunderstandings, Wedding Planning, Jealousy, Drunkenness, Love Confessions, Angst with Happy Ending) – Green. The word green was used to convey a great many things. Illness. Envy. Inexperience. Standing there amidst Janine's chattering bridesmaids, watching Sherlock furrow his brow and study fabric swatches, watching him smile and simper and flirt, John thought it a remarkably apt colour choice. Because he felt quite sick to his stomach, he feared the source of said sickness might very well be jealousy, and he had absolutely no idea at all what to do about it. Or: Sherlock needs to fake a relationship for a case. He doesn't ask John.

The Monument of Memory by J_Baillier (M, 79,663 w., 14 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It Fic / S4 is Canon, Angst, Family Drama, Guilt, Case Fic, John Loves Sherlock, Complicated Feelings, Mentalism / Hypnosis, Murder, Grieving John, Sherlock is a Bit Not Good, Team Work, Trust Issues, BAMF John, Psychological Trauma, Protective John, Autistic-Spectrum Sherlock, Parentlock, John POV) –  A genius traumatised by a past he's only beginning to recall. The psychopath sister that time forgot. A missing woman and a mentalist who may or may not be a murderer. And, in the middle of it all, stands John Watson.

The Burning Heart by May_Shepard (M, 119,150 w., 21 Ch. || Canon Divergence / Post-TRF / S3 Rewrite, John’s Sexuality, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV John Watson, Gay John) – When Sherlock dies, John Watson feels like his life is over too. He’s completely shut down, until Mark Morstan, a new nurse at John’s medical clinic, catches his attention, and helps him uncover the long buried truth of his attraction to men. Although he’s certain he’ll never get over Sherlock, John plans to move on, and build a new life with Mark, unaware that Sherlock is not quite as dead as he appears, and that Mark is hiding secrets of his own.

-----

If anyone has one they'd like to suggest, please do!

[gameofdrarry]

Wizards Hearts Recs: Memory Loss

Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here.

Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!

📜 Twist of Fate by Oakstone730 Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  302209 Tags: Canon up until Epilogue, Triwizard, Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Redemption, Forgiveness, Angst, Memory Loss, Secret Relationships, obliviate, secret boyfriends Summary:  Draco asks Harry to help him beat the Imperius curse during 4th year. The lessons turn into more than either expected. A story of redemption and forgiveness. Pairings: HP/DM (Slash) Timeframe: 1994-2002 Goblet to 4 yrs post-DH EWE Rating T for language, high angst, content. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Four Doors by fluxweed Rated:  Explicit Words:  48845 Tags: Mind Healer Draco Malfoy, Legilimency (Harry Potter), Memory Loss, Memory Magic, Sexual Fantasy, Masturbation, Power Imbalance, Auror Harry Potter, Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, Dubious Consent Due To Patient/Healer Dynamic, Mind Fucking (Literally), Not Epilogue Compliant, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE Summary:  It’s been four months since Harry lost his memory. Four months of dead ends and no answers. With time running out until his memories are gone for good, Harry agrees to a course of Legilimency therapy with a renowned specialist: Mind Healer Draco Malfoy. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 remember me by hupsoonheng Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  31082 Tags: Amnesia, Temporary Amnesia, Obliviation, Established Relationship, Established Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Legilimency, Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Reformed Draco Malfoy, POV Draco Malfoy, Good Draco Malfoy, Gardens & Gardening, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, POV Harry Potter Summary:  On a chilly day in October, Draco kisses Harry goodbye before he goes on yet another dangerous, undercover mission with the Aurors. And then Harry doesn't come back. Only Draco believes that Harry isn't dead, and pours himself into finding his husband despite his friends' pleas to move on and grieve properly. What he finds at the end of that work, though, is not at all what he wanted. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Like Clockwork by agentmoppet Rated:  Explicit Words:  39374 Tags: Memory Loss, Unspeakable Harry Potter, Curse Breaker Draco Malfoy, Dream Spells, UST, RST, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Switching, Banter, Bickering, Case Fic, Pining, Community: hd_erised, Miscommunication, Drinking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley Summary:  Draco has never been very good at trusting others, and Potter is no exception. But if they're going to survive this, they need to accept that they're holding each other's lives in their hands, and--worst of all--they're going to have to work together. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Of Fates Entwined: A Story of Love Lost and Found by taradiane Rated:  Explicit Words:  51517 Tags: Romance, Memory Loss, Kidnapping, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary:  Harry Potter vanished without a trace from his home on a warm summer morning in June 2004. This is the story of how a random visit in a cafe on the other side of the world, six years later, proved that the ties which entwine our fates together can never be broken. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 while you were away by GhostGrrl Rated:  Explicit Words:  3420 Tags: Angst, Denial of Feelings, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Kinda:), Memory Loss, Falling In Love, Dirty Talk, Anal Sex, Drugs, References to Depression Summary:  Harry loses his memory in the spring. Draco loves him through it. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Misplaced Memories by Dacro Rated:  Explicit Words:  38749 Tags: Memory Loss, Attempted Kidnapping, Established Relationship, St Mungo's Hospital, Auror Harry, Healer Draco, Dirty Talk, Semi-Public Sex, Grief/Mourning, Mystery, Injury Recovery, Same-Sex Marriage, Hair-pulling, Dream Sex, Wedding Rings Summary:  Harry is hit by an unknown curse and loses eighteen years of his memories. When he wakes up, he doesn't remember magic, Hogwarts or that he's happily married to a former Death Eater. Draco struggles to adapt to the changes and tries to help Harry retrieve his memories without causing further damage. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Nothing, Everything by SasuNarufan13 Rated:  Mature Words:  76088 Tags: Draco's POV, Established slash, Doesn't follow the epilogue, Mpreg, Angst, a lot of it, Implied Violence, Memory Loss, Drama, Draco acts like a real arsehole for a good part of the story, birthday fic, angst but with a happy ending, References to Minor Character Death, Torture, Implied mature content, Brief reference to threat of rape in the past Summary:  Draco didn't sign up for this. Except, well, he did. He just can't remember it. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Saint (gift four) by crazyparakiss Rated:  Mature Words:  5300 Tags: Mpreg, Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary:  Draco digs his fingers into the thick cable-knit of Potter’s cream jumper, drawing him closer. Kissing the stranger wearing his lover’s face. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Dust of Water by Lomonaaeren Rated:  Mature Words:  144015 Tags: Amnesia, Angst, Drama, Romance Summary:  As far as Harry’s concerned, he’s woken from a weirdly deep sleep the day after the Battle of Hogwarts. It’s his friends who tell him that it’s ten years later, that he’s an Auror who got cursed while chasing a Dark wizard—and that his memory isn’t going to come back. Updated every Saturday. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 UnKnown by DorthyAnn Rated:  Mature Words:  22488 Tags: Bullying, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Self Destructive Behaviour, Ostracism, lying, lying by omission, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Memory Loss, Memory Alteration, Loneliness, That feeling of being in a room full of people you know and being completely and utterly alone, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020, Power Imbalance Summary:  Draco just wanted a second chance, he was willing to work hard, he was willing to do whatever it took, but no one would let him live down his past. But when he recklessly casts a spell promising a new life, he's not prepared for the consequences... ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Ship of Theseus by GallaPlacidia Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  18240 Tags: Amnesia, Angst, Established Relationship, Angst with a Happy Ending, plenty of pining, a touch of infidelity but not between Harry and Draco, Hurt/Comfort, Draco and Ginny are best friends, Oneshot Summary:  When Harry gets amnesia and forgets he and Draco were ever married, he refuses treatment to remember. Inspired by an EXCELLENT fic by hupsoonheng called Remember Me. You don't need to have read it to understand this, but tbh you should just do yourself a favour and read it anyway. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Adrift by dysonrules Rated:  Mature Words:  13568 Tags: Pirates, Alternate Universe, EWE, Romance Summary:  Auror Harry takes a vacation in the Caribbean and ends up falling from the sky, straight into the lap of Draco Malfoy, modern pirate. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Hidden in Plain Sight by Momatu Rated:  Explicit Words:  56686 Tags: HP: EWE, Slash, Romance, Some Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Drama Summary:  Set four years after the Battle of Hogwarts, three years after Draco was abducted by person or persons unknown. Draco is now living in a small Muggle community and working in a library with no idea the Wizarding World exists, until one day, a bloke with a mop of just-shagged black hair comes in for storytime with a little boy to get out of the rain. Featured Book: Muggles Who Notice ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Just Another Recollection by mishaphappens Rated:  Mature Words:  13222 Tags: Memory Loss, Magic, Memory Magic, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Future Fic, Pensieves, Angst and Humor Summary:  Draco’s short-term memory is destroyed from Harry’s dueling spell, causing him to wake up every morning like it’s just the next day. When, in fact, it has been three years. We come in on the morning that Draco wakes up early and finds a Mister Harry Potter in his bed... ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 In Loco Parentis by Phoenixstrike Rated:  Explicit Words:  46797 Tags: Rape/Non-Con, Male Slash, Explicit Sexual Content, Rape/Non-con References, Original Character Death(s) Summary:  Five years ago Draco Malfoy and his wife were kidnapped, and nothing has been heard or seen of the pair since. It's been so long that Draco is presumed dead. Harry dotes on Draco's son, Scorpius, with whom he has been living. But when it turns out Malfoy isn't quite as dead as everyone assumed, Harry's life is turned upside-down. Set after Deathly Hallows and ignores epilogue. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Heaven Through a Window by JocundaSykes Rated:  Explicit Words:  81,211 Tags:  Non-Canonical Post-War Timeline, POV Draco Malfoy, Ensemble Cast, Healer Draco Malfoy, Auror Harry Potter, Pining, Slow Burn, Falling In Love, Snogging on Benches, Explicit Sexual Content, Sock Garters, Accidental Harry Acquisition, no infidelity, No character bashing, Obliviator Pansy Parkinson, Dysfunctional Family, Harry Potter Partially Epilogue Compliant, H/D Erised 2020, Drinking, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism (Not Harry/Draco), Smoking, Consensual Legilimency, Implied/Referenced Dieting, Memory Loss, Memory Charm | Obliviate (Harry Potter), Additional Warnings In Author's Note Summary:  Life is going swimmingly for Draco: he’s a respected Healer, his son is excellent in every way, and none of his patients have died recently. Then he gets landed with Perfect Potter and his hordes of stupid friends. It’s intolerable. But the more time Draco spends with the lonely boy from Surrey, the more he believes that there might be a hero within us all. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Partners by DeiStarr Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  1,530 Tags:  Slash, Male Slash, Gay Male Character, Romance, Memory Loss, Hurt/Comfort, HP: EWE, Auror Partners, Auror Harry, Auror Draco, Denial, Denial of Feelings Summary:  Draco and Harry are Auror partners and have been for years. Harry does not have a crush on Draco; he just doesn't. Then one day he gets into an accident... ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 (leave me with) a foggy mind by p1013 Rated:  Explicit Words:  4739 Tags: Heavy Drinking, Memory Loss, Confessions, Embarrassment, Porn with Feelings, Love Bites, Hands, Couch Sex, Anal Sex, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Dubious Consent, tagging dub con for not remembering the night before Summary:  Draco's halfway through a sip of some ridiculously named and priced mixed drink when Pansy says, as casual as someone commenting on the weather, "I think that's Harry Potter in the corner." ❤️ Read on AO3

[firebrands]

Five Favorite Works from the past year

tagged by @iam93percentstardust @crownofstardustandbone @omg-just-peachy thanks friends!!!

The rules of this circulating challenge are as follows: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world. tag as many writers/artists/etc as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

a catalog of non-definitive acts (19k)

Tony's seen the way Steve watches him, trails after him just for a moment, then catches himself. Let it never be said that Tony Stark doesn’t pay attention. At least, when it matters.

*

Or, Steve, Tony, and the emotional fallout of keeping secrets. (Set in some nebulous time pre-AoU.)

i poured my whole heart into writing this fic - there’s so much yearning and self-doubt and denial that made writing it feel, in a strange way, confessional. in the sense that we’ve all felt that, at some point: second-guessed what we were doing and wanted nothing more to crack someone’s brain open just to see what they were really thinking because words fail us.

this was also the first long fic that i wrote from Tony’s POV that was canon-compliant and also included a lot more introspection. anyway. i’m really, really proud of this fic and i honestly think it’s one of my best written ones! 

finally, then once more (7k)

a college au and the four times tony asks steve to fuck him, and the one time steve finally does

awhjkdhks this fic was so much fun to write, but i also did NOT expect it to end up this long. looking back at it i think this fic is shows a lot about my thought process, which is: it has to be believable. LMAO. like, it felt like cheating, to jump straight to steve “taking” tony’s virginity, without going into how tony was like before it. especially because this isn’t a trope that’s usually explored in mcu fandom. so, yeah?? i write myself into corners and scream YEAH BUT WHY DID THIS HAPPEN and then i yell and write some more

(also this is my first “five times” fic, which was, surprisingly, a LOT of fun.)

accidents never happen when a room is empty (remix) (5k)

Remix of @navaan​’s Love Me (Not)  - Steve and Tony fall into a friends with benefits relationship and Tony is completely okay with that. Right?

This is my take, with Steve's POV.

y’all. Y’ALL. when i saw that i was assigned to remix navaan’s fic i yelled, because !!!!! THEY HAVE SUCH GOOD FICS LMAO anyway this was a really interesting fic to remix because it was very much in tony’s head, and him just falling into this pattern with steve of sleeping together and not talking about it. i liked the idea of steve thinking he has a read on tony, and also of steve just being the kind of person who, despite everything, is afraid.

also i think writing this fic was partially what led to me writing “a catalog of non-definitive acts.” or maybe i was just going through a phase of misunderstanding and miscommunication IRL. who knows! 

your pillow feels so soft now (but still you must advance) (5k)

When Bruce is 13, he decides to go to boarding school. It's an opportunity for him to learn about other people, and how to interact with them.

Bruce has the misfortune of meeting Tony Stark upon his arrival in Roxbury. Bruce is moving into his room, and Tony opens the door of his room to watch. He looks a bit younger than Bruce, hair wild and eyes bright. Bruce has never seen a boy like him before—handsome and confident.

Bruce doesn’t like it.

this fic was so SELF-INDULGENT AND FUN AND I LOVE BRUCE WAYNE AND TONY STARK SO GOD DAMN MUCH. i think this fic also took root as i was writing “a catalog of non-definitive acts” (um? holy shit??). while i was writing that fic i was trying to think of who the interloper could be--i didn’t think Ty (aka the universal villain of stony fandom lmao) would be a good choice, because i didn’t want to make tony feel worse, and then... i remembered... bruce. not that i could ever forget bruce wayne, my favorite comic book superhero of all time (OF ALL TIME!!!), but i was also a bit hesitant to write him just because i know so much about him and i was afraid to get the characterization wrong. but people liked him (and some people wanted more of him & tony), and well. a few months later this fic (and its sequel) were born.

the mind-body problem (14k, WIP)

Steve is a reporter for the New York Bulletin, and one day he's assigned a story that might be just above his pay grade. To find out the truth, he's got to speak to the man implicated: Tony Stark.

A canon-divergent fic where Steve is not captain america, but Tony is still Tony Stark. Set around the same time as Iron Man 1.

I’M PROUD OF THIS FIC EVEN IF IT ISN’T DONE because i experimented with new formats (texts! emails! switching POVs!) and was really happy with the result. i’m... still trying to write it. i don’t know. eep. someone help. (jk!!! half!!!)

Tagging @hundredthousands @blossomsinthemist @lazywriter7 @nostalgicatsea @ishipallthings @nethandrake @starksnack @talktonytome and whoever else wants to do it! (just say i tagged you!!)

[kirbyfanclub]

i have a lot of thoughts but in SHORT before i ramble: i LOVED wayward son. the reviews on this site are valid, of course. but i believe they are somewhat misleading to the objective contents of the book, or at least, how i interpreted them. going to put this under a read more because it got long, but what can i say! i’m passionate about this story and i dont want people to get too discouraged without hearing a few different sides.

vague content spoilers!!: the book is not about their love story, nor is it about a fun friendly road trip. it may have been advertised as that, i dont really know. but it isnt. it’s an exploration of vampirism in this world, and magic outside of london. it’s focus is worldbuilding and i LOVE that. worldbuilding rocks. and i think this did a really great job with it. im excited to hear more about this world.

now, on the relationship, which seems to be the biggest point of contenion. i’d like to start by saying i’m doing my best to be objective here. i am a lesbian and the original carry on was PIVOTAL in my journey of self-acceptance. so im not going to bs about whether or not this book lived up to the representation it could offer. there is no abusive relationship. a lack of communication (which is, truly, the only present issue in their relationship itself) between young, inexperienced people does not equal emotional abuse. baz and simon both CLEARLY love each other deeply, this is constantly reestablished. its just delicate. they’re new to relationships, they’re young, they're HURT. they were pitted against each other their whole lives. they aren’t going to slip immediately into domestic bliss. no relationship will, trauma and magic be damned. there is miscommunication, but more so due to unwillingness to face the possible worst outcome and the fact that their relationship is not the forefront of this story. theyre together, and they are in love, but this isn't a fluff piece, it's a life piece. its not just about theyre love, its about their life after disaster. in a less objective view: i honestly prefer this. what i find healing about carry on and wayward son isn’t a perpetually happy same-sex relationship, it’s a relationship complex and human enough that i could imagine it for myself. i love seeing how, despite simon’s depression and insecurity, they still manage to find comfort in each other. thats real. thats what i think love is. it’s getting through hard things together, not never having hard things. 

its completely, COMPLETELY valid and respectable to want a happy-go-lucky, picture book romance featuring a same-sex couple. i want to emphasize that. we need those stories too. absolutely. but that wasn't what carry on had to offer in the first place, and i think it’s a little unfair to expect it of its sequel.

on a slightly different note: while the book wasn’t focused only on their relationship, it DID have a huge focus on the friendship between all four main characters. i thought penny and baz’s friendship was DELIGHTFUL, and easily one of my favorite parts of the book. he loves her a lot, and that is not something i was expecting! but its absolutely not unwelcome. i really love how penny and agatha also grew to appreciate each other so much more.

on the topic of agatha: agatha was possibly the star of this book, alongside baz. she was suffocated with simon. without him, she grew exponentially. she’s witty and funny and smart in an endearingly relatable cynical way (a lot like baz, now that i think of it.). i loved seeing her shine in this book. i’m glad she was allowed to.

about the actual road trip: they there are many moments of road tripping fun! they do some sightseeing, there is a PRECIOUS scene where they go to a renaissance faire. it doesnt end very well, but they have a good time while it lasts. it wasn't primarily about the road trip, but that's what 50 chapter fluff fics are for, not so much actual fantasy novels. i also saw some complaints that rowell wrote america too racist and rude, but. as an american. that is what america is like unfortunately jkshfsjd

anyways. the plot itself got a little rushed here and there, but thats just writing. not even pace will work, and not every author will be able to make a satisfying payoff for every reader. personally i didnt mind too much about it being rushed because i’m a character and lore driven reader, and those were both abundant but fully understandable for it to be a let down!

 as i see it? carry on was simon’s denial and anger, his confusion about life and the battle against trauma. wayward son is his bargaining and depression, working through said trauma, even if its ineffective. whatever this third book is? that will be his acceptance, and if rowell knows how to complete a good story (which she does) his self-actualization.

TDLR: i really liked wayward son, and you don’t have to! not at all! but please don't claim it to be what it isn’t. its a book about (magical) life after trauma, featuring realistically complex gay characters in a fresh and unstable, but dedicated, relationship. it isn't ruining an otp, it's developing them into real people. it’s a bit sad, but sadness is needed to appreciate happiness. thanks for reading <3 here's to the sequel to the sequel!

[ofthedirewolves]

First Guy Wins - A Queliot Meta

I was rewatching The Magicians and was struck by a realization. Eliot and Queliot fit the “First Girl Wins” romantic trope. Yes, in this case, Eliot is a guy, not a girl but the trope still works.

Credit where credit is due, this is based by @scullylikesscience​ ‘s “First Girl Wins” meta.

When I first realized that Queliot definitely seemed to be the road the writers were going I was a bit cynical. I have quite a lot of experience and have been betrayed by many a showrunner.

I thought the writers had just seen that Queliot was more popular and course-corrected. Then I started my rewatch and realized that as much as the showrunners love claiming they’re winging it, this might have been planned after all. 

It could still be a happy coincidence so I’m not going to give them too much credit. For the likes of this meta let’s focus on the facts and the characters.

We’re going to analyze Quentin and Eliot’s relationship through the lens of “First Girl Wins”

In romantic works, the first girl person introduced — either overall or as a potential Love Interest — has a very good chance of ending up with the protagonist (especially if the protagonist is male).

There are all sorts of explanations as to why this is. Things ending up the same place they started is a very old narrative technique.

From a Doylist point of view, the Law of Conservation of Detail suggests introducing the Love Interest early. An early introduction allows you to get the audience interested in her and rooting for her, gives you space for Character Development, and give her relationship with her (eventual) partner the most time to develop organically.

Eliot gets introduced pretty early, has a lot of character development outside of his relationship with Quentin and Queliot definitely has developed organically.

Is it the first girl the protagonist meets according to In-Universe chronology, even if we first see her halfway through the show's run? The first one to show romantic feelings? The first new girl the protagonist meets?

Eliot isn’t the first possible love interest that gets introduced, that’s actually Julia, then it’s Eliot, followed by Alice in the last place. It is in their introductions though that tells us that it’s actually Eliot that gets the title of First Girl™.   

If you're suspecting some girl is supposed to be the First Girl™, a good idea would be to take a look at how the writer has played her up.

Is he a major character?

Eliot Waugh is one of the show’s leading characters  ✔

Is the "first" interaction led up to, emphasized, treated as a big deal?

We first see him in the background as Quentin walks towards Brakebills. The camera shot is an Extreme Long Shot.

The camera focuses on him smoking for a bit (Wide Shot) until we see Quentin actually approach.

The camera closes on him with a medium shot as he talks to Quentin, then it’s a Medium Close Up as he gets down and introduces himself.

We see Quentin lose his cool and then he follows after Eliot. Asking if he’s hallucinating. Eliot and Quentin are in the same frame until they get to the exam which is where Eliot’s introduction ends.

This connects Eliot to Brakebills/Magic.  So yes it’s definitely a big deal ✔

All other things being equal, is he a strong contender for being the protagonist's Love Interest?

Quentin and Eliot spend a lot of the first episodes together. The first person Quentin truly opens up to is Eliot (and Eliot opens up in return.) Eliot tells him one of his darkest secrets, while Quentin tells him about the hospital. The person he talks to about his worries re: getting expelled is Eliot.

1x02

In 1x03 Eliot goes to Quentin for help in finding the missing book. Thanks to this Quentin is introduced to the Hedge Witches, not only that but to the fact that Julia is one of them. Which means Eliot is there for Quentin and Julia’s big argument.  This means Eliot has seen both sides of Q’s life (before Brakebills and after).

In 1x04 when Quentin gets stuck in Marina and Julia’s spell, Eliot is not only in the spell but visibly worried about Q outside of the spell.

Not only that but we actually see Eliot getting defensive with Julia.

When Quentin breaks out of it, the first person we see go to him is Eliot. Throughout the next couple of episodes, it seems there’s always a scene with the two of them together. The only time they don’t share screentime is in 1x07 (bc Q is with Mayakovsky and we’ll get to that later).  

In 1x11 they literally have sex. Yes they’re high on emotions and it’s a threesome with Margo but it happened. If you hadn’t guessed by this point that Eliot is a valid romantic choice this made it more clear.

There’s no Straight Guy™ Freakout. Quentin was never written as a straight character. From his first interaction with Eliot, we see that Quentin is attracted to him. The only negative connotation the scene has it that it’s cheating because Quentin was in a relationship at the time.

Throughout Season 1 a lot of the major moments for Quentin himself happen with Eliot or around Eliot. Quentin might get expelled? Eliot is there. Confrontation with Julia? Eliot is there. His dad has cancer? Eliot and Margo help him out. Quentin gets separated from the group? Eliot sends a paper airplane to tell them where they are. This season establishes that Eliot is an important person in Quentin’s life.

In 2x01 we get the crowning scene between Eliot and Quentin and not only does it have very romantic vibes but the camera shots tell us a lot about these two characters. We get a Full Shot of the whole group before it becomes a lot more intimate.

The speech that Quentin gives Eliot is the longest of all the Coronation speeches. From Eliot’s side, we get Close-Ups. Close Ups show us what the character is feeling at this moment. We see an Eliot with tears in his eyes looking up at Quentin with so much love.

On his side, Quentin has a Medium Close Up all we see in his eyes is pride. Despite the fact that they haven’t had the best relationship recently Quentin still deeply cares.

Both of them look at each other. The camera focuses on both of them until the moment is over and the camera turns to Penny and the scene continues.

So is he a strong contender for being the protagonist's Love Interest? Considering this is only a smidge of their interactions? I would say definitely ✔.

(I could talk about all their interactions, especially “A Life in a Day” but then we’d be here all year and I wanted to focus on their earlier establishing scenes) 

The First Girl will rarely be the first one to confess her feelings, admit them,

Pretty much all the romantic interactions between them have been initiated by Quentin rather than Eliot.

Back in 3x05, we see that Quentin is the one that first kisses Eliot. They live their life together and raise a family.

In 4x05 it’s revealed that after they got their memories back Quentin put himself out there. We see a Quentin who is sure that he loves Eliot “who gets that kind of proof of concept”. It doesn’t go well for him but he did it.

In fact, he's much likelier to be the one who does it last

We don’t get the full realization of Eliot’s feelings until 4x05. I think Eliot has known for a while that he loves Quentin, but it's just been implied (few people can heart eye as Hale can). But the reason I mention it is that this is where Eliot realizes he has to do something about it. The ball is in his court.

With his small window of opportunity, he tries to convey his feelings to Quentin while also giving him a reason to fight “Peaches and plums motherfucker, I’m alive in here”.

Complications will abound, Romantic False Leads will show up,

Most of Season 1’s romantic subplot is Quentin/Alice and later Eliot/Mike. The interesting thing is that both of the Romantic False Leads appear in the same episode (1x07). Alice has been there from the first episode but 1x07 is the episode where she and Quentin hook up. Coincidentally the same when Eliot and Mike hook up.

Quentin falls in love with Alice while Eliot is very deeply into Mike. Of course, both relationships end in tragedy. Eliot has to kill Mike to protect the rest and Alice dies defeating the beast. The pain of his actions makes Eliot turn towards substance abuse which leads to him going to Fillory with the rest. It sets him on a path that deviates from Quentin’s.

Quentin’s plot is about bringing Alice back from being a Niffin. Yet when he does she hates him for it. So their relationship fizzles out and never truly recovers.

In Eliot’s case, we also get Idri as a false romantic lead as they did technically get engaged and were clearly attracted to each other.

misunderstandings will arise between them, pride and denial will keep them apart.

The biggest misunderstanding between the two comes from the same scene in 4x05. Eliot believes that Quentin wouldn’t choose him if they had a choice. He gets scared and so he pushes Quentin away. Eliot mistakenly believes Q is straight so that’s probably the biggest misunderstanding between them. Quentin interprets it as Eliot not choosing him if he had a choice.

The misunderstanding gets worse when we remember 3x06 had Eliot rejecting Quentin’s idea of going on a quest. He has a perfectly valid reason but Quentin probably sees it as another rejection from the man he is in love with.

They’re both in love with each other but neither believes the other would choose him. Miscommunication is a large part of romantic tropes.

A more subtle tactic is to get the First Girl "off the radar" somehow —

Ironically enough Queliot fits this criterion as well. Eliot is married to Fen (and later engaged to Idri) while stuck in Fillory being High King the majority of seasons 2 and 3. While Quentin is dealing with Niffin!Alice and helping Julia in Season 2, and largely involved in the Key Quest in Season 3.

That doesn’t mean they don’t see each other because they do. They just can go periods of time without sharing meaningful screentime (especially in regards to show-time as time in the show passes differently than how we see it episode by episode).

You can expect an in-universe justification for how these two people met so early and took so long to figure out they belong together.

In Queliot’s case, it’s misunderstandings, romantic false leads, magical quests, their own stupidity, false identities and of course the fact that one of them is possessed by a monster.

The fact of the matter is that Eliot fits pretty much all the criteria for being the First Girl (or in this case First Guy). So whether it was on purpose or just a happy accident it still counts.

Eliot Waugh is the First Guy™ which leads me to believe great things are on the way for Queliot. We just have to sit back and enjoy the ride.

(Remember to pack tissues, as I have a feeling the writers aren’t done torturing us yet)