#which seems like a good sign
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Also, some good news: I think the antidepressants are working
#it may still be too early to tell#but i feel good#not as manic as i usually feel on my good days#which seems like a good sign
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Imagine if Machete was Muslim instead of Catholic. His name would be something like Saif سيف, and Vasco would probably be something like Dhahabi ذَهَبِيّ
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#I don't know Arabic so I can't weigh in that much but if you say so!#it seems like these mean “sword” and “golden” respectively that's neat#Machete wouldn't be able to cling to his Catholic guilt in that case#I don't think Islam has the same concept of original sin that Christianity does#I'm simplifying but it's a belief that humans are born with an innate tendency for evil sinning is part of our nature#and staying on the positive and in God's good graces requires a lot of repentance which can lead to excess guilt and shame#I could be wrong but I'm under the impression that this idea of a manufacturing error is a very Christian thing#sorry I know you didn't sign up to hear me try to talk about big theology things and I don't want to make it weird#but I find this stuff really interesting I unironically like to read and think about how religions work#and how they shape things they come in contact with#in Machete's case in particular his troubled relationship with God and his career choice are big parts of his character#and why he turned the way he did and thinks the way he does you know#answered#kachavashka#Dhahabi is such a regal sounding name#I'd steal that in a heartbeat if I didn't already have one extremely gold-coded character
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bbc: Some sweet #Silvacre content for your FYP ❤️
#silvacre#suranne jones#rose leslie#vigil#the bbc making a silvacre fan edit was a pleasant surprise :)#i saw the streaming numbers for vigil 2 were very good (understatement)#which makes an s3 at least a possibility#if they can write a story suranne and rose would sign on for#i'm counting on what suranne said that the continuation of the love story is a big part of what brought her back#the series does a good job creating dramatic tension and conflict within a happy relationship that doesn't involve cheating or one dying#if they do a 3rd season i hope that continues#i mean the series started with amy in the worst possible place emotionally and psychologically so surely they wouldn't go there again#s2 with its wlw mlm solidarity/parallel storyline and giving us more insight into amy and how far she's come since s1#on top of all the other things i liked this season (which i enjoyed quite a bit in addition to the ship)#at heart it's very critical of the british government and military/war machine and some reviews seem to have missed that part#anyway i'm pleased as punch that a prestige bbc drama has two women in love at its center and a lead as compelling as amy#and that it's pulling in the numbers even without the submarine and claustrophobia (admittedly a cool premise)#keep making the fanvids bbc social media team we appreciate you#queue
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thinking abt how one of the defining traits of metal sonic who's supposed to be this cold unfeeling machine is that they completely block out logical thinking to blindly attack sonic whenever they cross paths.. attacks him like an animal, not like a killing machine. attacks him in the way that only someone who feels an obsessive hatred could attack someone.. idk.. something something their most defining trait disproves what is allegedly their other most defining trait.. if that is the case then who are they at all?
#me posts#metal sonic#sth#the identity crisis is baked into her!!!!!and yet they still just add her as killer robot number 5608#which dont get me wrong i love it when she mauls and kills but i just mean like auugh yknow there is so much story potential but#in universe they are just cast aside. which is so strange bc sonic typically is all for helping his rivals but with metal for some reason h#es so reluctant. like yeah he wants metal to 'be good' but he barely cares whenever she shows signs of life and most other characters just#write it off as acting strange or dont even seem to notice at all#man these tags could be a whole other post idk im running on no sleep falling asleep at the keyboard mayb this makes no sense#but im rotating metal in my mind so now its ur problem my followers#sonic the hedgehog
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:(
#EXCUSE THE LITTLE SPIRAL HERE QKDJWJS but I just want to talk it through as a crew#Feeling very very gracious towards David’s lovely message#But also feeling sad#Because I was happy to see him being so quiet and being so secretive#Because to ME that seemed like a good sign that negotiations or some kind of discussions might be taking place#And that there subsequently might be some sort of intense NDA#But now with THIS…#Idk it just feels like we just took so many steps back#Like to me it reads as though there are NO current negotiations#And that we’re actually still just suspended and have BEEN suspended#Which…jakdwjdnwjdwkdk#And no I don’t understand how all of this works so who KNOWS what’s really going on the background#But idk man. Idk.#Not to be such a negative nancy either when I’m usually so energized#But I was just sort of taken aback and wanted to see what yall were thinking too#Things just feel a little more…DIFFICULT again#praying for some hope and ALSO praying that jac makes a thread for additional clarity AKDJWJ
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SKIP AND LOAFER...................... CRIES
#vi rambling#skip and loafer#THIS WAS SO CATHARTIC AND REWARDING YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. IM. THEM. I CARE THEM A LOT. A WHOLE LOT.#shima....... his self hatred is genuinely. BUT. “i will catch up to you and be worthy of liking you” CAN I KMS.#mitsumi was so cute. SO CUTE. both of them being so self conscious.#just. such a good conclusion. i feel like theyre getting back up on their feet. im so. emotional#well not conclusion. wheres the gift mitsumi#they had banter.... he was embarrassed. HE ADMITTED IT FOR THE FIRST TIME. J. JUST. TO HIMSELF#and he opened up a lot. its really refreshing they seemed to talk a lot about their relationship? which is honestly GREAT.#and a sign of closeness. and well. were in the right track
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Yeah, I also want to see 2 season, especially Destiny and my favorite Delirium, but I'm also curius who will play Remiel and Duma.
[i think this ask was pre-s2 announcement bc 2022 but YEAH]
i'm a HUUUUUUUUUGE duma stan you dont even KNOW
#sandman#the sandman#duma#asks#answers#continuing my trend of answering asks from 2022#anyway im on my duma sign language train#i consider duma's domain to be the *concept* of silence. like as an audio phenomenon. that doesnt mean he cant talk!!#i'm glad that in the lucifer comics they respect him and usually seem to be able to understand him without oral speech#potentially bc (per canon) he *can* mentally project what he wants people to know#but i think they missed an opportunity to actually have duma tell lucifer in *words* that he is both deeply loved And a little bitch#like creatures like lucifer know every language so????#(also. signed angel conlang anyone??? with WINGS???)#(actually i think that's impractical since it needs to be usable during flight. but having different forms is also awesome.)#lucking out on this that the sign for me too/same seems to be the same in asl & bsl#ultimately i don't think that duma should need to speak a human signed language at all -- but for clarity idk which to pick you know?#considering that this is an english-speaking comic with a british writer with a largely american audience#*probably* asl bc i am american and don't want to mix myself up but#anyway if you are a native speaker of asl. if i ever do more comics with duma and others i Will need help#i know a few asl words but i do Not have a good grasp of grammar#so please feel free to correct or suggest or dm me idk !! i really want to interact w the d/Deaf community more#always open to language critique#and i kind of would love help designing angel sign conlang. bc the concept of duma giving lucifer a name sign lives in my head forever#fwiw i'm fully on the duma/lucifer qpp train by the way. like duma has been PINING.
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Howdy peepers, I've been feeling pretty down lately but I think I'm on the right path to snap out of it!
See yall on monday hopefully
#to be honest recent political news got me anxious and just.. disheartened#not gonna lie rather depressed#but i guess that's a normal reaction#god it's just so awful#change of subject- i might be a bit burned out too because of all the stressing i subjected myself to this month#but worries be damned my grades ain't overall half bad#THO you just can't catch a break when it comes to college it seems#like we have to sign up for our classes on this website#based on your major obviously#and some people just don't pick the right classes hhhhh#and you see the waiting list for the class you need to sign up to is full because the goofs don't know what their course code is#which is weird like 😭 maybe there's a GOOD reason why your group mates' names aren't on the class list#because you didn't pick the right one aaaaaa#get outta here fella pleaaase#also on an unrelated note: it turns out i have a mild case of rosacea#it's not that suprising skin conditions run in the family#my mom's side of family at least#like my grandpa had rosacea. my mom has it too. my sister had acne (not anymore tho). my older brother too has something going on#i just thought i got lucky and inherited my dad's skin but guess not 💀#funniest thing is that almost everything makes rosacea act up#heat? cold? spicy food? stress? exercise? stress? alcohol? GODDAMN SUNLIGHT???#you name it#so yeahh not pleasant#if it won't get better mom will make an appointment with a dermatologist#uhh.. i guess that's all i wanted to say#for now at least#miss you guys hope all of you have been doing well :'>#random squeak
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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wish i knew the forgotten realms lore better...how am i meant to make my little ocs in this state of ignorance
#i'm so interested in how people relate to the gods in this world which is sort of hard to glean from the wiki#thinking abt those notes in the ilmater temple - 'even bhaal has things to teach us 😔🙏' otoh but the absolute cult is 'heresy'#like who decides that? what does heresy /mean/ in this polytheistic setup where each god's cult seems to p much do their own thing#& it seems like even among the good-aligned gods ppl tend to pick one to hitch their wagon to in a pretty committed way#what does polytheism mean to the average joe in this world#i need to know#i need to make a little guy about it#wrapped up shadowheart's quest and....idk man!#just going off the lore as presented in bg3 so far it's set up distrust for deities pretty much across the board#like babe is your new cult better? bc they've got angel imagery? i guess so#the whole problem of evil thing - the dead three shar et al being so extant & active in the world makes the (apparently?) more distant#benevolence of good gods pretty limp by comparison#so much of what draws lay people to them seems to be protection from the very real material threat posed by the evil ones?#& at least SH is in a better place to choose than say. the goblins#vast swathes of people just born under a bad sign in this world#i heard somewhere that if you don't get a god to claim your soul for their afterlife it just kind of withers away in limbo for eternity?#kinda fucked up#some protection racket shit dude#being a mortal in FR like you're just a little guy in a precarious cosmological situation aren't u#to be clear none of this is a criticism i think it's very fun & chewy#rife with cosmic horror potential#bg3#bg3 spoilers#edit: i mean it's a little bit of a criticism in that i don't think the game sells SH's conversion super well#if the intention is just to be like. yay white-hat god good ^_^#but i don't hate the worldbuilding implications if we take the iffiness as read
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do i really want to make individual drinks again
#reaching back into the file cabinets of my mind to remember how i made certain drinks when i worked at the cafe#in preparation for the possibility of this new job#it would certainly mean far less goofing off time than i have at my current job. and i value my goofing off time dearly#but the people here are so fucking annoying lmao. i hate them soooo much#not that the people at this new job would be any better. we're still dealing with investment bankers#godddddd. what i really would want (which would be impossible)#would be to go back to working at the cafe but like. still have paid time off and insurance lmao#but the cafe was a small business and he was not offering paid time off and insurance. and the pay was way less#but i did get to play whatever music i wanted. unfortunately you cant live on that#like i can always say no to this new job if its offered to me. but is my goofing off time worth:#2 dollars less in pay and a half hour to an hour's more commute. well i dont know#a shorter commute would mean i could sleep more. and have more time at home .#i mean i probably don't Need all this goofing off time. but its nice#i dont knowwwwwww#like even though im a bit nervous abt doing it again i know that i would easily fall back into the routine of making drinks#which i was fairly good at. my one drawback is that i cant do latte art but i dont know that theyd really care here#and (because i found the menu of where id work) theres not a ton of drink options?? just the standard stuff#its being called a starbucks cafe but 1) its not managed by them and 2) it does not have their 5 billion drink options#so thats good. less to worry about#doesnt look like i even have to make anything foodwise which i had to at the cafe#here it looks like people can just buy a pastry and thats it#the hours are like. the same i work now. also good#sorry im like using this post to think through my thoughts.#uhhhh oh i looked up the manager who looks like a weenie so im not keen on the prospect of interviewing with him#but i probably would have thought that about my current manager if id seen a pic of him prior to interviewing. i guess???#and with these kind of catering units it seems you dont often deal directly with the manager that much anyway#i just gotta see if i get good vibes#rn i have unsure vibes. but i need a sign to see if this could be good for me#oh id also save money on transportation. and taxes! bc i wouldnt be working in ny anymore#lol oops tag limit. well i hope you enjoyed my job thoughts you probably didnt i know i didnt
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I'm absolutely determined to pay attention to all the seasonal changes and embrace them as much as possible this year and to try and romanaticise it. we've tried to do the same for the last couple of years too but I think we're getting better at it over time
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#happy posting#it's like how we used to say we couldn't stand summer but last year we actually enjoyed it being summer#and now I'm looking forward to it but I'm also looking forward to enjoying spring first and watching everything come to life outside#and I'm looking forward to autumn when it gets cooler again and we can embrace getting cosy#and maybe we'll have better coping mechanisms for the seasonal depression like we coped better with the summer depression last year#but that's far away and there's so much to do in the meantime#and hopefully once we get there it'll be fun to look back at what we did#I'm still clinging to the thing about doing what we can to make it a good year regardless of what happens#I've noticed that when we do have a rough time now we start craving the things that are good for us and will help in the long run#like keeping up with journaling and making gratitude lists and doing our hobbies and focusing on self care#which seems like a good sign. things can be shit but we're slowly getting better at finding ways to deal with them
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Drank a vitamin water today that made my tongue tingle almost as if it was carbonated for no discernable reason (I drink this flavor all the time so I know that's not normal. checked the expiration date and checked for holes in the bottle but everything looked fine?) and then for dinner I accidentally ate undercooked tilapia. Am I going to die
#the vitamin water was from my fridge and the whole rest of the pack was fine so idk what was up with this one?#i didnt finish it but i drank probably about a third of it before i finally decided for sure that something was off and i wasnt imagining i#and with the tilapia uh. my gf cooked it. and shes cooked tilapia before shes a good chef#the right half of my filet which i ate first was totally fine#but the left half was. different#at first i just thought it was tough bc i was starting at the edge of the filet#but once again about a third of the way into it. once i got to the meatier bits#i realized hey this doesnt seem to be tearing like it should be and also the mouthfeel is kinda like when i eat raw sushi?#also it looks kinda translucent instead of white whats up with that. wow this is getting REALLY hard to tear now huh#and um. apparently 'translucent and doesnt tear easily' is a sign that the tilapia is undercooked 😐#i looked up if you can get sick from eating undercooked tilapia and the only results im finding are:#1) reddit post saying that fish is the least dangerous type of raw meat and its practically harmless#2) news articles about a lady losing her limbs to a foodborne illness that she got from eating undercooked tilapia#so. i could either be absolutely fine or i could be really really not fine. very comforting lol#rambling
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Thank you so so much to everyone who has donated and reblogged my post, it means the world to me!! It's a massive psychological weight off my shoulders to be able to buy medicine or groceries without obsessively budgeting to the cent to ensure that I'll make rent
#Update for anyone who is wondering: My mom is out of the ICU and back in the regular wing of the hospital which is a good sign#She's fatigued; uncoordinated; and a bit confused but otherwise so far it seems like she doesn't have any super serious side effects#I've been with her at the hospital today and I've had to tell them THREE separate times not to give her fent. Tiring day. But Im home now#Hopefully she'll be able to come home in a few days because I loathe being in the hospital it's kind of triggering#As soon as I was like 'I need to stop oversharing online' I was like 'jk I just had a major family emergency let's tell the internet'#It's not easy for me to be vulnerable so thank you to everyone who has been so kind to me during this#malhare.txt
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https://www.tumblr.com/cementcornfield/758807441912856576/please-tell-me-jamarrs-dad-being-in-town-might
His absence is very much contract related and it’s looking we will go into the season without him extend because, day to day doesn’t sound promising whatsoever
oh yeah, i wouldn't be shocked if we go into this season without it getting done. that's what i thought would happen before ja'marr started this whole hold in thing (because the market only goes up for guys like him! the bengals are costing themselves money not doing it now tbh!)
but i'd be annoyed about it and i'm sure i'd only be feeling a fraction of what ja'marr would!
#like i said. could definitely be a sign of a hold in turning into a hold out#or! maybe just not wanting to deal with all of this on the road to chicago#we'll see what happens over the next few weeks!#we'll get it done though. this offseason or next. i don't have any worry about that#(i'm glad that as of the tampa bay game it definitely seems like the vibes are still high with the coaches and team and ja'marr)#(if he's pissed it would only be at the front office at this point. which is nice. good job zac etc etc)
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job interview tomorrow 🙏
#working interview as an assistant prek teacher#i know kids are exhausting but its the only thing i have relevant experience in#and im tired of being rejected from every office job i apply to i need a job even if it pays 12 dollsrs an hour lol#anyway they'll pay for continuing education and the phone interview went really well#i think it seems like a nice place with nice people and she said she wouldn't start me at the bottom of the pay scale#so i might get more than i think#still probably not going to top sixteen an hour but its something#they called me in for prek even tho i didn't apply for that i applied for infant toddler teacher bc i have no relevant education#just lots of volunteer work with kids#but she said that one was taken and would i consider this one i didn't think i was qualified for so thats a good sign#and she seemed really nice#and the location is good its like a 17 minute drive and not too hard of a drive either#just one tricky turn#anyway#all job interviews fill me with impending doom and dread#even tho i interview pretty well i think i just never have the relevant experience to get the job lol#but this time it seems more likely#i have anotherdaycare job that literally pays twelve dollars an hour that wants to schedule an interview as well 😬#but hopefully i get this one#the other one is closer but doesn't seem like as nice of a place to work tbh#anyway im so stressed!!#i took a sleeping pill which i may regret#i never take one before an interview bc im afraid i'll be super sleepy and tired and not want to get up and be less sharp at the interview#but then i NEVER manage to sleep the night before which i decided is worse lol#so hopefully that doesn't backfire#goodnight ❤️
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