#which only gets me more angry.. disappointed.. depressed

[ellecdc]

HEY POOKIE!!!!

Could I request a fic with either poly moon water or poly marauders where reader has had mental health issues but they were getting better and then they slip back into them. This happens to me in moments and I have to remind myself that it’s part of my progress but it would be so nice if I had someone else to say it too. No pressure lovely!!!!

I ADORE all of your marauders work!! Like OML I never know how much I needed poly moonwater until youuuu❤️❤️❤️😘

hi babes! totally get where you're coming from re: mental health issues. It's a marathon, not a race. and I'm so glad you love moonwater! my evil plan of converting the entire fandom (lol) is succeeding. I opted to go with the marauders but it's quite sirius centric

poly!marauders x fem!reader who is struggling with her mental health

CW: non-sexual nudity [nothing is described], discussion of dark mental headspace and anxiety/depression [again, nothing is described]

You felt awful.

You knew the boys would be understanding, but it didn’t make you feel any better about your behaviour.

You’d found yourself slipping back into familiar and darker headspaces as of late, and though you couldn’t deny the disconcerting comfort that familiarity brought, you knew you couldn’t allow yourself to fully fall back into it; you worked so hard to move beyond this, and you had been doing so well.

It hurt worse now that you felt like you weren’t just disappointing yourself anymore, but also disappointing three other people who - for whatever reason - cared an awful lot about you.  

You’d been inching closer and closer to a panic all day and wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed when you got home and pretend the world didn’t exist for a few hours days weeks. 

Those kinds of plans don’t work when you live with three other people, two of which have the tendency to coddle you.

You knew that irritability was one of the symptoms of your anxiety, but knowing that didn’t stop the sting of your words as they left your lips. 

James was too nice, too bright, too happy, too lovely. You felt like the polar opposite of your sweetest boyfriend, which made you feel even more disappointing than you already had. And Remus was a fixer; he had a tendency to see a problem and immediately start problem solving, but that’s not what you needed right now.

Of course, you didn’t say that.

Of course, you got angry and lashed out at them before storming off to your room and slamming the door.

What started off as feeling blue quickly spiralled into a low affect. Feeling low left you increasingly anxious. Your anxiety left you feeling disappointing and less than, which caused you to feel depressed. The more depressed you got, the more anxious you became. The more anxious you became, the more depressed you felt.

It was a vicious cycle and you were stuck in its seemingly never ending assault on you.

And now, you weren’t just depressed and anxious; you were also feeling terribly guilty and overwhelmed at the thought of having upset Remus and James. 

Remus, who only wanted to help, who only wanted you to feel better, who only wanted to care for you. 

And James, who only wanted to perhaps share a little bit of his joy with you on the off chance it could brighten your day.

You were awful.

Horrid.

You didn’t deserve them, and they didn’t deserve you - they deserved better. You deserved nothing.

You’re not sure how long you had been standing under the spray of the water with your head against the cool tile when you heard a gentle knock against the glass of the shower door.

You felt the irritability surge in your blood again at the intrusion of your pity party, but tried your hardest to take a steadying breath before you hummed a quiet “yeah?”

“Can I come in?” You heard Sirius’ voice ask from the other side, apparently having gotten home sometime during your meltdown.

He could, though you weren’t sure he should.

You were terrible after all.

Horrid. 

The glass door popped open and Sirius shoved his face in. You didn’t bother turning your face towards him but you could feel the questions permeating his being nonetheless.

“I’m coming in.” He announced, deciding on your behalf. 

You heard the sound of his clothes falling to the bathroom floor, and you knew if Remus were in here he’d be scolding him: “there’s a hamper right there, Sirius.” 

But Remus wasn’t here because you were awful and you couldn’t bring yourself to care about the sodding hamper nor Sirius’ clothes littering the floor.

Some of your steam escaped as Sirius opened the shower door fully and you were accosted with cool air that left your body covered in goosebumps. He corrected it quickly by standing under the spray with you and pushing his front up against your back, leaning his chin on your shoulder.

“Fuck, you take hot showers.” He commented.

Usually you’d laugh.

“Sorry.” You said instead.

He rubbed at your hips where his hands had fallen with his thumbs, eliciting another layer of goosebumps on your skin. 

“You’re not feeling too good, are you baby?” He asked quietly.

You let out an exhausted breath. “I don’t feel good; I’m no good.” You responded just as quietly.

Sirius ducked his chin down to kiss your shoulder before quickly replacing it.

“That’s not true.”

You didn’t respond, glad that the water streaming over your face hid the evidence of the tears escaping your eyes.

Wordlessly, Sirius pulled away and grabbed your shampoo, working it into your hair. You did nothing to help him in his task, keeping your head pressed against the shower wall as he lathered the soap on your scalp. He pulled the handheld down to rinse it out, paying special attention to point the spray away from your face since you didn’t seem too fussed over protecting your own eyes. He combed some conditioner through your hair and rinsed it out in much the same manner before grabbing a loofa and lathering body wash over your form.

“Sometimes it’s two steps forward and one step back.” He commented, finally breaking the silence that had long been only the sound of the water falling and each of your breaths. “But that still means you’re one step forward.”

A sob escaped you, causing Sirius to pause in his ministrations and pull you back into his chest again.

He didn’t say anything else; he knew better. Of course he would, Sirius sometimes understood this side of you better than the others did. Sirius had a tendency to fall into darker times too, also having a penchant for lashing out at those closest to him when things felt like too much.

He let you cry, standing under the likely too-hot-for-his-tastes water, as he rocked you back and forth with your head leaned back, resting on his shoulder as you faced toward the ceiling. 

“Do they hate me?” You whimpered eventually, trying to convince your lungs to take in slower, deeper breaths.

“Of course they don’t; you know they don’t.”

“Are they mad at me?”

You could feel Sirius shake his head, but he answered you verbally anyway.

“No, doll. They worry, is all.”

You didn’t like that. You didn’t want them to worry. “I’m fine.”

“I know you are.” He agreed readily. “They do too.”

You let that sit in the foggy air for a little bit.

“Do you know that?” He asked eventually.

“Know what?”

“That you’re okay? That you’re just fine?”

You thought about that for a moment. You were sad, and you were anxious, but were you fine?

You admitted to yourself you felt the familiar tendrils of your darker self pulling at you, but you could also admit it was different this time. You were better, you had been working hard, and most importantly, that hard work was paying off.

You may have been two steps forward and one step back, but you were still one step forward from where you started.

“You’re sure they’re not mad at me?” You asked instead, earning you a chuckle as Sirius turned you in his arms to hold your face between his hands. 

“No one is mad at you, love. I swear it. You are, however, very loved.”

You offered him the best smile you could muster and let him pull you forward for a chaste kiss. 

“Then… yes, I know I’m fine.” You agreed eventually, earning you a beaming smile from your boyfriend.

“Atta girl.” 

Your felt your cheeks heat up at the praise and pushed your forehead into his chest.

“Can we get out of this torture chamber, now? I swear this water is being heated by hellfire.” He joked, leaning around you to turn off the shower without your consent.

“It’s really not that bad.” You argued, earning you a scoff.

“I’m red, doll. The water has marred my skin, perhaps permanently.”

You continued arguing about proper shower etiquette as you rubbed lotion into your skin (and then into Sirius’ for his troubles [he really was sort of red]), and changed into your comfies.

You headed towards the living room before you remembered you were sort of ashamed with yourself for the way you had spoken to the other two boys, but Sirius didn’t allow you to hesitate in the hall as he caught your elbow when your steps faltered and ushered you into the room.

“Boys, we’re really going to have to do something about her shower habits.” He commented as if a) nothing had happened, and b) you weren’t even there. “I’m surprised she hasn’t completely melted her skin off." 

“Perhaps hot showers are how she gets so beautiful, Sirius, ever think about that?” James jested back, earning him an indignant scoff.

“Are you saying I’m not pretty, Jamie?”

“As pretty as Y/N?” Remus interjected, looking between the two of you as if assessing. “No, not at all.” 

“Well I-” Sirius began, but you interrupted.

“I’m sorry.”

Everyone’s shoulders fell as they turned to look at you, clearly willing to brush over the tension if that had been what you wanted.

“I was rude and irritable when I got home, and neither of you deserved that. I’m sorry.”

“Angel…” James started, opening his arms for you which you readily accepted and tucked yourself into his chest.

“I was never mad to begin with, but I’ll go ahead and forgive you right now if that’ll make you feel better, okay?” He murmured into your wet hair.

“Okay. Thank you.” You murmured back.

“You’re too sweet for us, dove.” Remus commented, moving to place a consoling hand on your back.

“I was the opposite of that earlier.” You chuckled at your own expense. 

“Please.” Sirius scoffed derisively. “These two are too nice, especially when you feel like shit; I’ve given them a far harder time than you have, dollface.” 

“It’s true.” James said quickly. “He once told me he’d rather have a cup of tea with his mother than snuggle with me when he was in one of his moods once.”

You gasped and looked at Sirius in horror. “You did not.”

Sirius, not at all guilty, shrugged nonchalantly. “Sure did, and I meant it too.”

“Oh come off it.” Remus chided, pulling Sirius into his side who broke out in a grin, effectively eliminating his earnest facade. 

“No, of course I didn’t mean it.” He relented, leaning further into Remus’ side. 

“I don’t like myself very much when I’m like this.” You admitted quietly.

“We’ll love you enough for all of us in the meantime then, yeah?” James asked, pulling you into his arms tighter.

“Just be patient with yourself dove, you’re much too hard on yourself. We’re here now and we’ll be here when you feel better too.” Remus added.

“Can’t get rid of us that easily, dollface.” Sirius concluded, shooting you a wink.

Two steps forward and one step back.

But you were still one step forward.

You knew you would make two more steps forward again soon.

[dottoreandcapitanosimp]

HEAR ME OUT!!!!

(read this w once upon a dream! And If you like you can request more too!)

Imagine a manhwa villain who has a fiancé who is a crown prince, and this crown prince, who we will call Drystan, is madly in love with a commoner. The villain, who we will call Verena, does not necessarily do anything bad to the commoner, who we will call Miri, she just ignores her and Drystan. When this reaches the ears of the emperor and empress, Drystan's parents, they immediately decide to kill Miri in a public execution, mainly because the empress adored Verena and had already had the experience of being betrayed before, but at least it was with a noblewoman who soon died, while the emperor did not want to miss the wedding that would be a great union between the two most powerful empires on the continent.

While Drystan was forced to watch the person he loved most be cruelly executed while all the commoners and nobles present applauded, Verena who was by his side was the only one who showed empathy and tried to calm him down, only to be met with thousands of curses from Drystan who blamed her for the death of his beloved.

Briefly after that, Drystan had entered a deep depression and was simply apathetic and numb for weeks, and the only one who took care of him was Verena. Verena, unlike what Miri told him, was sweet and kind, being the only one who took care of him after all not even Drystan's parents who were disappointed or the maids who previously hated Miri and hated Drystan even more were at least worried about him. With Verena taking care of Drystan, Drystan simply begins to fall madly in love with Verena, with her beginning to be the only reason for him to live.

As the months passed, a sudden change occurred in Drystan's behavior. Before, he was minimally cold and only affectionate with Miri, then apathetic when it came to getting out of bed, and now he was simply extremely cold and angry with everyone, except when he was in Verena's presence, since when he was in the presence of his beloved, he was simply like an abandoned puppy. Verena was always kind and affectionate with Drystan, although she was normally cold and calm with all the other nobles and maids.

One day, Verena had gone out to take care of some royal business, which basically left Drystan completely depressed and afraid that something would happen to her. To simply calm down a bit, Drystan decided to stay in Verena's room until she returned. While he was lying on Verena's bed, he just decided to tidy up some letters that were on top of her dressing table, and only decided to read the contents of the letter, thinking that it was just something banal or Verena answering her older sisters who were always very worried about her, until when he decided to read it he was just paralyzed and in shock.

Drystan discovered that absolutely everything about Miri's death and then Drystan becoming hopelessly in love and obsessed with Verena was carefully planned by Verena, who had decided that if Drystan didn't love her, she would force him to love her anyway. Absolutely everything, from the clothes she wore to the sweet and loving answers were carefully planned for her to make sure that Drystan would fall in love with her.

Now Drystan was in pure shock, reading and rereading the letters thousands of times without realizing that Verena had just arrived and seemed the least bit furious with him reading the letters about their content.

"Shit, I shouldn't have left those stupid letters there!" Verena cursed herself mentally.

Nowadays, Verena was the beloved princess and even Drystan's parents didn't care if he was alive or dead, much less the servants who, like Drystan's parents and Drystan himself, considered Verena a saint who would have valid reasons if she killed someone. Drystan only heard the door being locked.

Whether he liked it or not, he was Verena's fiancé and would be her perfect and loving husband.

"He just needs to learn his place, it won't take more than a few hours locked in the room until he misses me."

[graveyardcuddles]

There's this post I saw on here about how if the player turns Shadowheart over to the Sharans, the rest of the party should all turn on you. I completely agree, and I think they should also mutiny against Tav/Durge if they tell Orin to just go ahead and kill the party member she takes hostage. Act 3 feels like the act where everyone in the group should care about each other the most and yet it's the act where they arguably feel most disconnected from one another. And this is all probably a symptom of the overall lack of reactions and responses to major events in Act 3 from the companions in general.

But another similar example that drives me insane is how, if you ascend Astarion and then immediately turn on him and side with the Gur, ALL of the companions will just be like "Nice work taking out the trash, team. Job well done. Another vampire lord vanquished, " without so much as a hint of emotion after you betray him, gang up on him and KILL HIM?? As if they hadn't spent weeks and possibly months traveling with Astarion, getting to know him, bonding with him, ect. As if they hadn't just all stood there and let him complete the ritual. But the moment Paladin Karen and the Gur show up, they just abandon all that over what? Some vague ideal of "evil is evil black and white no nuace" nonsense? (which is even more ridiculous if some of the other companions are evil like DJ Shadowheart or Minthara).

The only companion with a reasonable reaction is Halsin, who correctly points out you should have tried harder to stop the ascension rather than betray Astarion and kill him after it happened. I understand that not all of the companions have the best relationship with him. And I understand all of them very much disapprove of him ascending. So I don't expect the whole party to mutiny over this particular decision. But the fact that they ALL uniformly turn on him so quickly for these people they don't even know is disappointing. There should have realistically been some pushback/objections. Or at least some guilt and sadness and reflection over the fact that they all just had to kill their former traveling companion/friend that THEY allowed to become this threat they felt warranted putting down.

It feels like it should be an incredibly tragic and cathartic moment, and it just falls spectacularly flat. I tried to rationalize their reactions as just part of the shitty lack of responses the companions all generally have in Act 3. But at least with Shadowheart and the hostage situation with Orin the companions will still be ANGRY at you and express their disaproval. Whereas here it really comes off like they just don't give a shit about Astarion and never really did. It's depressing.

I feel like it unintentionally and very sadly lends validation to the idea that what Astarion says about no one else being like Tav/Durge. No one else will look out for him. No one else will have that same kindness for him. No one has a heart like them. I don't actually agree with this notion. I think based on the good epilogue for his spawn ending he's definitely capable of making friends and genuine human connections. But Tav/Durge HAS to come first. They have to be the example that shows him how.

Also why I can't stop repeatedly romancing him. Astarion needs Tav/Durge arguably more than any other companion. He has nothing and no one else.

[indras-wife]

Hiiiii

it’s my first request, so congratulations cause you take my first time!! . So, now I wanna request about only my man Shisui! (You may add a someone else, if you want to) headcanones to his yandere version <3 Maybe it’s like alphabet?? NSFW part allowed and mostly welcomed ~ have a great day sweetie, love you and Elysia ~

Thank you for trusting me with your first request sweetheart~! Another Shisui request yayyy! I get so happy that underated characters get the love they deserve and Shisui is too good to be ignored sooo...THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING ABOUT HIM! I did full NSFW alphabet with some yandere headcanons, hope its okay with you~. Enjoy reading and feel free to request more of this fine man. Elysia and I love you toooo~ Have a splendid day<3

Yandere Shisui Headcanons

As a Yandere, Shisui is a very calm one, so calm that you would not even think he is a Yandere. He was always a sweet, calm guy who loves joking with you and occasionally flirt with you. Knowing his easy-going nature, at first you were ignoring his jokes, not taking them too seriously. Sometime you would even flirt back with him as a joke, which later on would be the reason of his yandere behaviour change.

You started noticing those changes when you got closer to one of your mutual friends to whom you always had a crush on. You stopped spending much time with Shisui, desiring to spend time with your crush and learning more about him. This of course, upset Shisui, making him angry too. Why you did not want to spend time with him. Is he that boring? Did he go overboard with his flirting jokes? He could not help but wonder about it all the time, resulting in becoming more and more obsessed with you.

One day, you found him standing in front of your house, with flowers in his hand. You approached him, wondering what is he doing here. He gave the flowers to you along a note, his cheeks blushing slowly and looking away.

A love letter...As you read it, you could not help but laugh. This was definitely one of his jokes and you got used to them. "Shisui, your jokes are really not ending." you said. Shisui, now looking more serious let you know that his letter is for real and that he likes you.

Of course you pushed him away because you confessed to your crush and wee now a couple together. When you let him know, Shisui could not hide his disappointment. A loser like him did not deserve you and he would make sure you become his instead.

He makes this cruel plan in his head, asking one of his girl friends to help him. His plan was simple: ask the girl to seduce your bf and have you witness him cheating on you. Pretty easy, considering your boyfriend would not let the chance of fucking someone slip from his fingers.

As he desired, you witness your boyfriend cheating on you in your own house. You were returning back from a mission, hoping to relax a little bit before meeting your boyfriend, but you see him fucking someone else in your bed, which crushes you. You drag them both out of your house and life, sinking into the world of depression.

The only person there to comfort you was of course Shisui, who came to your house after knowing his plan worked. He brought you chocolate and a small plushie, knowing you love soft animals. He was more than satisfied when you hugged him hard, crying and saying how much you hated your ex now for doing this to you.

After Shisui helped you get little better, he started to spend more time with you, which eventually led you to falling in love with him. This was of course what he desired. Once he got you, he won't let you go ever.

His brainwashing words and actions helped him, because now you wanted to do nothing but spend more time with only him. You cut your connection with your friends and spent your time with Shisui. He would be very jealous if a man dared to look at you when you were walking down the street, so he tried to put you away from the spotlight as much as he could.

NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Shisui is very attentive to aftercare. When you both are done, if its still light outside, he makes sure to grab a towel and help you clean up (he turns you into a literal mess), change your clothes and feed you. A happy girlfriend means happy life and more sex to come! If its nighttime, he always cuddles you and kisses your skin till you fall asleep. He is a softie when it comes to taking care of you <3

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Shisui's favourite body part of his is his shoulders, arms and chest. All are connected with you. He loves his shoulders and back because your legs look nice resting on them. He loves his arms because he manhandles you PERFECTLY with his toned arms and he loves his chest because he loves seeing you lay on it everyday. He finds it cute seeing you fall asleep on him when you are tired.

His favourite part of your body...Well he loves every inch of skin, but he has special liking to your ass. He is an ass guy. LOVES pulling your dress up and watching your ass as you move. Your ass is his favourite part also because they serve as good pillows for him when you laying on your stomach and he places his head on your ass. A sweet paradise is what he calls it.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He is the type of man who doesn't let any single drop of cum go to waste. He makes sure to always empty himself in you just so he can later watch his cum drip out of you. There something so hot in it that he simply cannot get enough. He loves to cum inside you, but loves to cum on your body too. Face, tits and stomach are usually covered in his cum when you both fuck. He turns you his cum slut in every way possible.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Shisui's dirty secret involves him keeping few of your panties with him during his missions. He cannot function without your sweet aroma, and your panties help him keep his sanity till he comes back to you. You never notice your panties missing which makes his job of stealing your clothes more fun.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He was experienced but not as much. Shisui is demisexual and cannot have sex with people he doesn't feel connection with. He experienced a little bit with his first partner before you, but with you he took more liberties. He took his time to study your body, making him more experienced in the sphere of pleasuring you.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Missionary. This man LOVES staring in your eyes when he has sex with you. Seeing your face in pleasure gives him more energy. He loves doggy style too, but missionary has a special place in his brain. He is obsessed with seeing the pleasure he gives you, it boosts his ego.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He is both! Shisui can be very goofy in sex. He may crack a joke or too while inside you, as he believes having sex without talking to each other is very dull. But dont expect him to crack a joke when he is too gone into pleasure. He would be focused on making you orgasm and him filling you up. MAYBE after sex he will say things such as "I burnt more calories by fucking you then I ever could with training. We shall add this to our daily schedule"

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He is very groomed. He loves smooth skin both on you and him.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Shisui is one of the guys who is very romantic. He loves initiating intimacy with you every chance he got. He starts off slow, with making food for you, or gifting you flowers or other things you want. A true gentleman indeed. During intimacy he loves praising you, whispering dirty things in your ear. "Oh you take me so good baby..~" or "Your tight pussy feels perfect arouns my cock!!". He isnt afraid to let you know that you are doing a good job.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Shisui prefers spilling his seed in you, but when he is out on a mission and cannot take any longer, he takes matters into his own hands. He fantasies about you, the different positions he put you some nights ago. He memorised your moans and face during sex, so he uses them every time he jacks off.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He LOVES choking you. It's one of his favourite things to do. Shisui also loves melting wax on your skin, preferably on your back. Another kink he has is tying you. He loves seeing you all helpless and at his mercy.

Another one of his kinks is edging you. Words cannot describe what type of satisfaction this man gets from it. He will edge you so much till you are a crying, horny mess, begging him to finally fuck you and let you cum.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Short answer: EVERYWHERE. Yes, he is a full freak who fucks you where he wants. However, his most favourite places are on the bed and...in public. In his or your bed, he haa the freedom to do what he wants to without feeling ashamed. In public however he is limited. Though he loves being sneaky in public, placing you on his lap and fingering you under your skirt. "Can't be loud baby~ You dont want people around to know what a dirty slut you are right~". Literally tortures you and gets enjoyment from it.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Your pretty face is enough to turn this man on. But as an ass guy, the minute he sees you wearing a tight dress or a short dress, he instantly gets turned on.

During intimacy, your loud moans give him the energy he needs for fucking you. The louder you are, the harder he goes.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Shisui has no specific limitations as he is open to anything, but will never do anything you dont want. For example, if you tell him you dont like anal, he would never force you to have it. He respects your decisions and choices and as a honorable man, he will do anything to make you feel safe with him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He LOVES receiving oral. Seeing your lips wrapped around his cock is an euphoric sight and feeling for him. Absolutely loves when you cockwarm him with your mouth. If he is angry at something or someone, expect to be on your knees and his cock in your mouth for some time. It relaxes him.

He is big on giving oral too! This man loves having your legs wrapped around his head, suffocating him as you grind on his tongue. He eats you out daily. Loves waking you up with it.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

For Shisui it depends on the type of sex he is having. If he is in the mood for romantic love making, expect slow and sensual one, with lots of soft kisses on your skin. But if he is aggravated and needs to take his anger off, expect to have rough and fast sex. He will break some furnitures here and there trying to satisfy his hunger and the anger he is feeling.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

If he is too busy, or if you are too busy then quickies will be part of your routine. He cannot go a day without touching you so quickies are a good way of helping you both.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Shisui is up for anything. You want to do something risky? Count him in. He will do anything connected with risk. If it correlates with sex too, thats even better.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Shisui has a great stamina! He can go for many rounds, as many as you can take. He trained himself to last long, so he isn't your typical man who lasts a short time. No. With him, you may even get annoyed at how long he can last.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He does not own toys at all. BUT~...He is not against using them on his s/o. In fact, he is very likely to buy toys himself to surprise you during intimacy. "See what I got for you..~" he says while showing the toy. He is fully open to the idea of having toys used on him too!

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He loves teasing you, especially when you both are in public. He pretends to be an innocent guy doing nothing perverted, but under your clothes, his skillful fingers play with your clit without any shame. He mostly does it to see how long you can go without making any moan or cumming. Of course, when you fail, he takes notice of it to punish you later.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He one of the few men who love being vocal. Grunts, moans, whimepers, everything that can cross your mind. He isnt afraid of showing his partner how good she makes him feel and he isnt ashamed for being vocal. In fact, he is quite proud of it.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You want to know how to get him weak in his knees and get him desperate? Ride him to oblivion. He LOVES when you ride him, it drives him crazy! When you get on top of him, Shisui becomes this obedient man who wants nothing else but see you ride him. His hands would guide your hips first, then when you feel more confident he will let you take the reigns.

Another weakness he has is being tied. Yes he loves being tied. Anything hotter than his s/o tying him and making him her toy? No. He loves it. Do it always, he would be grateful forever.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Shisui has nice toned body. He takes his sweet time with practices to not be out of shape. He doesnt love being too muscular, as he thinks it makes him look weird. He goes more for a softer muscular size as it suits him better in his mind.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Wild...very wild. There's like no break in between with him. His sex drive always puts him in bad situation and makes you tired.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He falls asleep mostly when you fall asleep. Shisui has to make sure you are in deep slumber before sleeping. Also he loves staring at you when you are asleep, so he tries to enjoy your cute face before dozing off.

[mirageofadesert]

Give me more morally gray characters ...

Let me interrupt my regular program for a brief rant about Downton Abbey and Thomas Barrow… well, not really regular as I've been too busy to watch anything with subtitles for the past few weeks. Instead, I passively binged on Downton Abbey while working.

I love morally gray characters, be it Tantai Jin from TTEOTM or Spike from Buffy. One of my favorite characters is Thomas Barrow from Downton Abbey. (Spoiler Alert, TW // suicide, homophobia, conversion therapy)

Thomas is everything I need in a character ... unhinged, angsty and gay.

I loved him from the first rude line to the last. He starts out as a delightful troublemaker with a cruel streak born of fear, hurt and the desire to be respected, fit in and belong. He is, as Baxter understands so well, his own worst enemy, having perfected self-sabotage over the years.

A supporting character for most of the show, the footman-turned-butler's story is usually prioritized over his character development - meaning the writers know where they want him to end up each season, even if it contradicts previous characterizations. This leaves the audience with a character who can be hard to follow at times.

The writing really got on my nerves at times. From conveniently forgetting his medical training when they want him to despair during his job hunt, to pulling any kind of cunning out of him when they want him to appear changed (and depressed), Thomas is always what the showrunners need him to be, but not necessary what would make sense for his character. I'm still annoyed that they made him go through medical torture in the form of conversion therapy and a suicide attempt, and then glossed over these traumatic incidents in favor of boring other storylines. Or how they portrayed his war injury as an act of cowardice rather than desperation.

What I love about him is that he was still a coherent character who remained a morally gray character (the last film aside, because they sort of forgot to give him any of his character traits back). Thomas would still lash out when he was angry or hurt, would still manipulate others for his own gain, and would still feel wronged by the world. Once the world has brought him to his knees, he understands that he has only himself to blame, and he tries to do better - which has its ups and downs. The Thomas we see in the final and in the films still wants to belong, is still a desperate romantic, but he is also so incredibly insecure in a rather endearing way.

Younger Thomas was rather stiff but dignified, trying to appear immaculate, trying to hide the fact that he felt he was anything but. Once the mask comes off, he goes from being a reluctant cat to being full of nervous puppy energy. As a neurodivergent person who has recently struggled with not being able to masks well, I can relate a little too much to this version of Thomas.

Most characters, that start out as villains, either change completely (like Tantai Jin), their behavior will be excused (like Mo Ran or Spike) or they sacrifice themselves for the greater good to redeem themselves (like Spike). Thomas stays more on less morally gray. We understand the reasons better, why he would lash out at others, and we can feel sorry for him. He had a harder life than most, but that still does not undo the harm he has done to others.

All in all, the last film was a bit of a disappointment for me, mainly because a lot of the characters felt a bit off. I had to watch the film twice to get behind the romance with Guy Dexter. What Guy meets is Thomas desire to be respected as a person, to be seen as worthwhile, to escape the life as decorative wallpaper and to finally have a romantic relationship with someone that is rather enthusiastic about him. A lot of their relationships seems to have developed off-screen, based on Guy knowing who Carson was during his proposal and understanding how uncertain Thomas still feels about his role in the household. I wish them well - but not at the expense of Thomas being excluded from the rumoured 3rd film. I hope it takes place in the USA and we get to see him again!

I really wish we would see more morally gray characters like this, even through a quick look into the fandom of Downton Abbey shows me, that not everybody can handle it.

[delusinalandpassionate]

Okay that event less depressing and more fun, and I kinda glad.

Also, EVERYBODY SAY THANK YOU TO DON FOR GETTING OUTSKIRTS LORE

The fact that they ACTUALLY adopted the seagull. Also Gregor sounding how disappointed parent, that didn't want a pet, but than being defensive when Ishamael asks why did they got it in first place-

And I am sorry Dante but why did you listen to Don? What part of her plan sounded logical? I love her, but come on, how did you agree to it and scare me with this screen?

I thought we even going to have a boss fight with only two of them. (But boss fight turned out to be like ridiculously easy. I guess we our cries about Ricardo where heard)

Also that extremely canonical Heathcliff and I am a bit scared

And we learned about Outskirts quite a lot. Like there are people, and there are monsters, and both not allowed in the City. These monsters are also sentient and extremely angry that they are not allowed to City, however because they cannot reach it they hypocritically redirect their anger to humans who are also not welcomed in the City.

Also now we can understand why Rudolta is what it is!

Also NELLY, REAL MAIN CHARACTER OF WUTHERING HEIGHTS IS HERE

It's also nice to see how sinners start to really care about each other and how everyone were happy to help Heathcliff the second he explains his situation. Also the fact that situation with Ishmael seems to really traumatized poor Dante. Glad to see Sinclair starting to heal too.

But it kinda hilarious that Heathcliff spilled so much about himself and his past and yet we didn't learned anything new about Don. Like come on. She's going to be right after him! Give us something, at least which part of City she's from!

[superstar-nan]

Fight Tooth and Nail

Day 3: Part 1

Summary: You argue with Michael, find a crucial clue while looking at old photos with him, and decide to drop by Springtrap for a visit.

Words: 4,957

Fun stuff: Descriptions of undead bodies. Not many warnings this time around (for once).

First ♡ Prev ♡ Next

───── (\ /) ─────

You woke strangely well-rested. Even in the haze of waking up you knew you should’ve felt exhausted and depleted, but you were oddly energized. 

You sat up, propping yourself up one arm at a time. You looked up at Michael, who was tapping away, engrossed in keeping you two alive. You looked at the clock. It was almost the end of his shift. After being electrocuted, you passed out next to his swivel seat. That was disappointing, since you found nothing. You searched the entire place and found nothing . 

Well, you didn’t check the other vent, but you weren’t that stupid.

Or were you...

No, you weren’t. At least not tonight. 

You reached back aimlessly and snatched the control panel. Michael looked annoyed, but too busy to stop you from helping him. You began tapping on the panel, and you took a little pride in seeing the corpse’s shoulders ease in tension. The least you could do was to help ease the burden, even if just a little.

After setting into a comfortable rhythm, you noticed the dull aches in your arm and legs. You rolled your arm experimentally, the one you had twisted to pull the taser against the vent, felt pulled but not strained. You were happy about that. You were less happy with your legs, who were crusted with dried blood from where the rotted Bonnie had grabbed you with his claws. Inspecting them, the wounds weren’t deep but you would still scrub them endlessly. Plus, you would have to get a tetanus shot.

Then your gaze fell to your other hand. The one the animatronic held gently in a mock form of intimacy. It wasn’t injured in the slightest, but you wish it had been. You wished you could burn the skin off your palm where that featherlight touch held you, and you wished that after setting your own hand aflame it would somehow start his, burning him to death. Metal and rot interlocking your fingers filled your mind with angry obsession and it was the only thing you could think about. Metal and rot and metal and rot and metal and rot and metal and-

“Audio,” Michael whispered, and it snapped you out of your hatred. You tapped the ventilation with the hand that was burning with the animatronics. 

You let out a sigh and leaned your head against Michael’s thigh. Michael’s own tapping stalled for a second, and his flesh depressed under the pressure of your head like memory foam (which should’ve caused flips in your stomach, but you were getting used to Michael’s state of undeath). You wondered if you were hurting him and almost lifted your head, but he resumed his checking, so you did as well. 

You knew all this anger and hatred wasn’t healthy, and the fact that the killer enjoyed your hatred was even more of a warning. But it was easy . You had all this grief and fear, and if you didn’t weaponize it then it would eat you alive. You couldn’t think of the fate of your best friend because you were too busy looking for them. You couldn’t have your heart broken by their disappearance because your heart was being used to spit hatred at the one who hurt them. You couldn’t fear for their or your own safety because you were too busy fighting the thing threatening them in the first place. 

In a sick twist of fate, you were glad that the animatronic was there, and wasn’t some murdered child you had to pity or a robot with no sense of morality. He was terrible, and that meant you could hate him instead of hating yourself for missing your best friend’s call when they needed you most.

The ding-dong of Michael’s alarm startled you. You looked up at the corpse as he turned off the alarm. His shift was over. You lived another night, and were still no closer to finding out what happened to them.

“You lied to me,” Michael whispered.

You checked your phone, head still resting on Michael’s thigh. The new security guard would show up soon. “You want to talk about this now? Can’t we talk when we get home?”

He scoffed, “You don’t seriously think I’m going to let you stay with me again?”

“Why not?” You tilted your head up to match his void eyes, “I’m going to keep coming back, whether you help me or not.”

He growled under his breath, a low rumble deep in his throat that sounded more discontent than threatening, “There’s the honesty...”

You went back to tapping your phone, “You wouldn’t have told me what was going on if I said I was coming back.”

“ Obviously! ” He snapped, jostling you from your ‘pillow’, “To keep you safe! ”

“I came prepared,” You stood up, stretching your legs and popping your shoulders. “You can’t say my toy distractions weren’t clever.”

“Oh yeah, so clever,” Sarcasm dripped from his tongue like acid. “So clever, in fact, that you weren’t almost killed in the vent.”

You wanted to be grateful he saved you, yet again. You wanted to make it up to him or show him your appreciation, you really did. But he was making it unbearably hard. “I had that handled.”

He was so dumbfounded, he stopped putting on his mask and turned to you. You tried hard not to sweat.

You broke under the pressure of his stare, “I almost had it handled.”

He put his mask down—you really must’ve made him annoyed if he would ignore the risk of being seen just to prove a point—and forcefully pushed a few buttons, before hitting one final button and leaning back in his chair, looking at you pointedly. 

You tilted your head in question, then he nodded to the camera. It was the vent, but it was empty. The timestamp said 0:54 with the seconds counting and the day’s date.

Then you heard your own voice, “CLOSE THE VENT MICHAEL!”

He stopped the tape and crossed his arms. Well, that was embarrassing.

“...The security footage is taped?” You asked, “Can I see previous nights?”

“ Not the point ,” He hissed through his teeth. “ You are so blind to-! ”

“Whoa, lovers quarrel?” The day shift security guard knocked on the door frame. Good thing, too. You were worried a second there that your recorded cry for help would attract the animatronic, even after the night shift ended.

Michael swiveled away from the day shift guard, rushing for his mask, while you stood up to block the view. “Honestly, he’s so mean to me. He doesn’t like my taste in breakfast diners.” You said in a playful tone, “You should tell him to be nice to his partner.”

The day shift guard laughed sociably as Michael stood and grabbed his backpack, “I’m sure the diner they picked isn’t that bad, Mike.”

Michael hummed noncommittally while you interlocked your fingers with his. You held his hand with the untouched hand, with the hand the animatronic didn’t caress with violence and hunger. You did that on purpose.

The day shift guard cleared his throat, “Or maybe their taste isn’t so great...” That seemed like it had double meaning.

“See you tomorrow,” You waved at the day shift guard as you left with Michael, who stared daggers into you. You raised your eyebrows at him in response. 

When the door shut behind you, the sunrise was too bright but welcome all the same. You felt the relief of fresh air and warmth that you missed while in the building. Somehow, it even relieved you of your hatred, worries, and grief—if just for one moment.

Michael swiped his hand back, “ ‘See you tomorrow?’ ” He said, his voice like gravel and ash.

“I’m coming back,” You said adamantly, your eyes narrowing at him as you stuffed your hands in your pockets to fish for your keys.

He growled your name in a warning tone, but you interrupted him.

“ I’m coming back. ” You settled your voice to be more firm, “And I’ll keep coming back, whether we work together or not.” You pulled out your keys. “We could help each other. I could help you kill-”

“You don’t know what I want.” He interrupted you, and you closed your mouth. He was right, you didn’t know what he wanted. Maybe he didn’t want to kill his dad at all? From the way he talked about him, there didn’t seem to be any love lost, but maybe you misread the situation? Or maybe he just didn’t know how?

“You’re right. I don’t,” You swallowed, “But if you told me-”

He exhaled, exaggerated and annoyed, grabbing the keys from your hands. You held up your hands in offended confusion. He nodded down at your legs. They were covered in crusted blood and five superficial lacerations each, one for each rotten claw.

“I can still drive?” You said, appalled by the audacity. Sure, you definitely needed him to drive when you had a concussion, but some scratches on your legs? You had worse injuries from using a cutting knife.

He didn’t even acknowledge your protest while he opened the door to the driver's seat, muttering, “They’re gonna think I abuse you.”

When he closed the car door, you saw your reflection in the window: the bruise around your collar like a necklace. You smothered the flame of rage in your heart as you stalked to the passenger’s side, slamming the door closed behind you.

───── (\ /) ─────

You handed Michael his soda you picked up on the way back to his place, which he snatched out of your hand and practically dropped on the counter. 

“If you’re not going to leave Fazbear’s Fright alone, you need to follow one rule,” He crossed his arms as he leaned back against the counter, staring at you with stern voids. “It’s getting exhausting having to save your life every night.”

You held your hands up to surrender as you sat on his table, crossing your legs. “Alright, fair enough.”

His first rule was quick, “Don’t wander around the pizzeria.”

Your response was quicker, “No.”

“Do you want to die?” He snapped.

“No,” You uncrossed your legs and leaned forward. “But the rotted Bonnie-”

“ Spring Bonnie .”

“-Whatever! Has my only clue to my best friend’s disappearance.”

“Here’s your clue. Your friend is-” One piercing look from you, and Michael decidedly changed what he was going to say, “-not at Fazbear’s Fright.”

“Exactly, and that phone is the only clue I have for what happened to them.” 

Michael groaned, “It’s like talking to a brick wall.”

“I can help you too, you know.” You said, “There’s a reason you haven’t left Fazbear’s Fright. Let me help.”

“You want to help me?” You nodded, “Stay in the office and work the maintenance panel.”

You could’ve hit him in the head, but you didn’t, gracefully . Instead, you hopped off the table and said, “I’m going to take a shower.”

“Don’t use all my soap this time,” He said, his void eyes following your leaving figure.

You just waved him off in response. 

As steam fogged the mirror, you looked at your hands. They were covered in filth and grime, and one of them you wanted to burn away. You clenched them into fists as you looked up to your blurring reflection. 

You pulled out your phone. You replayed the voice message aloud, and your heart felt like it was caved in. Could you have done anything if you were there? Probably not, but it did make you wish you could’ve been Michael for them. That you could’ve saved them with the two of you narrowly escaping the haunted attraction, horrified but joyously hugging each other in the morning sun. You imagined recounting sides of the story to each other and wondering who would ever believe you two. You imagined pointing out golden bunnies on Easter and giving them a knowing look. You imagined helping them move far far away from this town, to somewhere the rotted— Spring Bonnie couldn’t get either of you.

But that was a fantasy. And you couldn’t carry the weight of your memories being the last you may see them. 

“ Don’t use all of my hot water! ”

You swore and turned off the voice message, swiping your tears away quickly, “ I’m not! ” You wished you could come up with something more witty or biting. 

You couldn’t decipher whatever Michael grumbled from beyond the door, and that was probably for the best. You made sure to use as much soap as you wanted.

When you were done in the shower, you noticed there were no clothes on the floor like last time. Now that you thought about it, it looked like he cleaned up a bit since you were last here. Unfortunately, that left only your clothes you spent all night in.

You knocked on the bathroom door.

Micheal grunted in response.

“Can I borrow some clothes?” You asked.

You heard shuffling from the other side of the door. Then a knock came.

You opened the door. You had a towel, but Michael was decidedly looking at the floor. He held out the same hoodie you wore the day before and a pair of pants. You muttered a thanks, closing the door and slipping them on. When you came out, Michael was sitting on his bed, idly filling out what looked to be a logbook of some kind. He changed out of his security uniform into something more comfortable, which somehow looked even more out of place on his corpse-like body.

He glanced at you briefly, “You're wearing pants today.”

“Despite it all,” You said with a stretch. The clothes he gave you looked too big for him, and Michael had to be over six feet even with his poor posture. Wearing an oversized hoodie with no pants never harmed anyone.

You idly looked around Michael’s now clean room. You didn’t notice before, but he had a framed photo on his bedside table. 

Michael put down his logbook, “Ready to talk about your ‘approach’ to Fazbear’s Fright?”

God, he could be condescending. You ignored him and picked up the framed photo. That seemed to still Michael, him shifting his position. It was a picture of three kids: two boys and a girl. They were all smiling except for the teenager, who looked annoyed to be there. It looked as though the picture had been cut, cropping out the parents from the photo. 

“Cute,” You smiled, holding it up, pointing to the teenager. “Let me guess, this ones you?”

Michael stared daggers into you in response.

You opened up the bedside table, “Do you have more pictures?”

Michael slammed it shut, his hand over yours. Needless to say, you saw a pile of old polaroids in the drawer. Of course, he’d be the type to just keep loose polaroids around. “Don’t go looking through my things.”

“Oh, come on,” You said. “What could be more embarrassing than angsty-teen-Michael?”

He said your name as a warning.

“How about this,” You offered, slipping your hand from his and holding yours behind your back as you leaned towards him. You noticed how he subtly leaned away from you as you did so, but you weren’t offended by it. “I promise I will have a serious discussion about whether or not I wander Fazbear’s Fright after dark if you let me look through your photos?”

His brow, purple with decay, furrowed, “Whether you wander Fazbear’s Fright at all. And I don’t want to discuss it, I want you not to do it.”

“Would you even believe me if I did promise that?”

“No.”

“Okay, then I’ll promise to have a serious discussion about it.” You give him your most innocent smile, “Deal?”

He scowled and grumbled something under his breath, before letting go of the drawer. Your smile widened just slightly.

You picked up the polaroids tenderly, not wanting to ruin them, as you sat on the edge of Michael’s bed. Your smile widened at seeing photo after photo of a gloomy boy, moody teen, and excitable girl. In one, teen-Michael was wearing a Foxy mask. In another, the little girl was yanking on his arm with a toothy grin. Another, the girl and the boy were playing with toys. Another, Michael was barely an adult and wearing a new security uniform. 

“These are ancient!” You said, and Michael stiffened in response. “How old are you, anyway?”

“Are you done yet?” His whole body was tense as you looked through the photos, despite how he tried to play it off as nonchalance. 

“You were such a cute kid.” You said, and Michael prickled at that. You turned to him, leaning closer, “And a handsome young man, too. But I think I like the way you look now, better.”

Void eyes went wide. Michael opened his mouth to say something, his voice stuttering out a few broken syllables, before croaking, “ What? ”

“You’ve got a macabre beauty going on,” You said while you tilted your head, speaking more matter-of-factly than anything else. “A haunting kind of handsome for sure.”

You noticed for the first time Michael’s abrassed cheeks warmed a dark byzantium shade; something that was barely noticeable against the rot of his skin—making you wonder if you could’ve just missed that warmth before. It validated your statement that he was hauntingly handsome, and right after you realized that he was blushing. 

Then, a scowl marred his blush, and he physically turned your head back to the photos with his spongy hands, “Finish up already.”

“Maybe you’d be a bit more handsome if you smiled more.” You teased, “Not a single smiling photo of you-”

You stopped at a picture of a much older Michael wearing a smile that looked stunning. In this picture, he was dripping with charisma; his usually bent posture straightened and eyes that sparkled with both invitation and promise. His dark hair was just starting to gray at his temples, and his body filled out his uniform well. Even from just the photo, you found yourself charmed by him.

Your grin widened with mischief, “Here we go! I was right, you look so much more charming when you smile.” You held up the picture to him.

Michael stilled, solemn and quiet. You tilted your head at his sudden change in demeanor, and then he said, “That’s not me. That’s my dad.”

Your eyes went wide. You looked back at the photo. Sure enough, there were very subtle differences between the two, but he looked just like him. You turned the photo around. Writing in old smudged ink read ‘William Afton, 1983’ .

Your hand came to your throat, fingers tenderly grazing the bruised flesh, and your eyes hardened. You shoved the photo deep into the back of the pile, “I changed my mind. You look much better when you don’t smile.”

Michael didn’t respond to that, and you were glad for that.

You flitted through the last few photos idly, having a bitter taste in your mouth from the last picture, before one caught your eye. A child was with the little girl from Michael’s photos. A child who looked familiar to you.

“This kid,” You pointed to the photo of the child with unkempt brown hair. Michael came to your side at your inquisitive tone, “I know them.”

“Charlie?” Michael asked, “How could you... Oh.”

“Yeah, I told you I wasn’t hallucinating!” You said, before looking back at the photo, “But this photo is ancient... was she one of the victims?”

Michael nodded, solemnly.

You raked your nails along your scalp with a heavy sigh, “Good lord.” You should’ve guessed the child you kept seeing was a ghost, but seeing her alive and healthy in the old photo made it more real . She was just a kid...

“Why can you see her?” Michael asked, more to himself than to you. 

“Oh! She kept-” You stopped yourself for just a beat. If you told Michael she stabbed the toy phone into her chest, he’d never let you look for it. You had to come up with something else, quick. “-appearing as some sort of tall, skinny thing.”

Michael furrowed his brow. If he noticed your pause, he didn’t comment on it. He gingerly took the pile from your hands and swapped through a few photos before handing you one. He pointed at a familiar tall, odd looking puppet. “Is this what you saw?”

You nodded.

“I thought so.” Michael sighed, and the weight of it prompted you to take a closer look at him. He looked fatigued. Not just physically, but there was something heavy in those hollowed eyes of his. He carried a burden that he wouldn’t reveal to you. Regret, misery, and sorrow; all hidden behind a mask of apathy, one that cracked just enough for you to glimpse behind it. You couldn’t begin to imagine, but it looked too much for one person to bear, even for a zombie. 

You placed your hand over his. When he turned to you, his mask cracked again and you could see another burden: loneliness. He looked at you with a tragic longing. You wondered when was the last time someone held his hand or joked with him or spent time with him at all. His state of undeath undoubtedly warded off most people. You didn’t want to pity him—he saved your life multiple times, he deserved more than your pity—but you couldn’t help what you felt.

Just as quickly as the mask slipped, it was sealed, and Michael pulled his hand away. He coughed, his gaze cast to the floor, before saying, “You done with the photos?”

You nodded, and he put them away. You stood up.

“Wait,” Michael closed the bedside table while looking at you, his brow furrowed. “Where are you going? You said-”

“I’m just gonna pick up some food,” You said, slipping on your shoes. They were swallowed by the large sweatpants Michael gave you. “I can’t be persuaded on an empty stomach. We can talk over din-... breakfast.”

He grumbled, leaning back against his bed frame, “I have food here.”

You rolled your eyes, “I’m good on the popcorn and junk food stuffed in your pantry. What do you want? My treat.”

Michael exhaled, exaggerated and exasperated, “I don’t know... Just give me your number, I’ll text it to you.”

You handed him your phone. It was probably for the best that you had his number, anyway, with the whole ‘trying to avoid getting killed by his serial killer robot dad while fulfilling your own agendas’ thing. Still, you wished you had swapped numbers after you had picked up food.

Because you weren’t just picking up food.

───── (\ /) ─────

“Oh yeah,” The guy you talked to on the phone gave you a thumbs up, “You can totally take pictures!”

You had swung by the department store to pick up some normal clothes and a quality camera, which was now hanging around your neck. This trip was getting expensive... Good thing you didn’t have to pay for a hotel.

“Just, uh, just make sure not to get any pics of the ventilation... or the employees... or anything that might look flammable-”

You interrupted him, “I’m only interested in the decorations... and the animatronic.”

“For sure!” He grinned, “That’s perfect then. Uh, do you need someone to-”

You interrupted him again, “I remember my way around.” You waved at the day shift security guard, who waved back.

“Sweet, sweet...” The guy you talked to on the phone looked from the security guard, back to you, and then back to the security guard, “You know him?”

“My boyfriend works the night shift here.” He gave you a strange look, and you said, “That’s how I found out about this place, remember?”

“Right! Right, you said that before,” No you didn’t. “Well, go right ahead! And hey, mind if I check out the pictures after?”

Great. Now you’ll actually have to take pictures. “Of course.”

“Awesome! I’ll be around, just give me a holler when you’re done!”

You liked the attraction much much more when it was well lit and filled with people. Halls that terrified you were now bustling with conversation, and haunting decorations were now tacky in the light. You took snapshots of the empty costume pieces strewn about the attraction, and briefly you wondered if you had to make some poor minimum-wage worker clean up after all of your shattered toys. 

It was strange knowing that there was a murderer hiding just out of sight, and yet people instinctively knew to avoid it. Before, you wanted people around you when you first saw Spring Bonnie. Now, it was better you were alone.

You held the camera in one hand as you approached the room Spring Bonnie was in. Before, the first thing you noticed was the smell. Now, the first thing you noticed was how still the air was. Nobody was here to fix this or that, so nobody—not even Spring Bonnie—was moving. The air was stale.

You clenched your fist, determined to quell any shaking. You had a theory the animatronic would have more difficulty moving during the day, or at least the threat of being seen by the cameras would keep you safe, but you still couldn’t suppress the visceral fear screaming at you to run. Even when you believed the thing was just an old oversized toy, you had that fear. 

You were getting better at facing your fears, however.

There was Spring Bonnie, alone and illuminated by dull, droning lights. Your grip on your camera tightened. You looked back at the hall. There was no one.

“Hi, William.” 

Silver eyes flicked to you. You almost flinched. You forced yourself to steel your gaze. He wasn’t bolting for you. That had to mean something.

You were bold enough to step closer. His eyes watched you. He always watched you, so carefully. He watched you as he hunted you down, as he choked the life out of you, as he made you choose between your hand or your life, as you demanded answers from him. And now, all he did was watch.

Your eyes quickly darted to the security camera. You couldn’t tell if the security guard was looking at this cam or not. Just as quickly, you retrained your eyes on Spring Bonnie. Taking your attention away from him for too long was basically asking him to murder you. “Heard a bit about you from Michael.”

A noise that sounded like mechanical gears turning came from the animatronic, but he made no movement other than that. You took courage in that.

“Thirty years in that suit must've been pretty painful,” You stepped closer. You were baiting him on purpose. “And alone? Did you lose your mind—what, ten years in?”

Even taunting him, he didn’t move. You prayed that was proof he couldn’t. You swallowed. You set down your camera. Each movement you took was incremental. Deliberate. The slightest of motions would set you off screaming and running for others. 

You felt invigorated by this sudden power. You could move and he couldn’t. Your head felt light from the relief and arrogance. “Do you still feel the pain?” You dared to say.

His eyes clicked, focusing on you as all he could do was watch. All he could do to you was watch . You would make him watch as you eat his heart.

You were close enough for him to grab you. As close as you were in the vent. He didn’t move. “Did it hurt last night?”

He only watched.

You stepped closer. As close as you were when he choked you. He didn’t move. “I hope it did.”

He only watched.

You stepped closer. He didn’t move. “And if it didn’t.”

He only watched.

“ I hope this does. ”

You plunged your hand into his chest, and suddenly a claw was around your neck. Your breath and power were gone. Replaced with terror . You waited to be torn to shreds.

You waited...

Fingertips sharp as knives poked at your skin, but your neck wasn’t being squeezed. You looked up at Spring Bonnie, sweat dripping down your face. His silver eyes were so close, his permanent grin, and you could see the outline of a corpse deep inside. If he felt anything other than deep, encompassing hunger , you couldn’t tell. You swallowed, and your throat bobbed against his claws. 

He didn’t move. His claws framed your bruise, showcasing it in a haunting display. His silver eyes, both mechanical and human, stared at it hungrily; his own handiwork mesmerizing to the robot and the killer. You didn’t know how he managed to get a claw around your neck. Maybe it was painful or provoking enough to let the killer take control if for only a moment. Maybe he could move all along and he was toying with you. You hoped it was the former.

You peeled yourself away from his grip, wincing as the claws sliced your skin, lightly. You touched the lacerations. Blood. When you were free, you ripped your hand out of his chest.

With your best friend’s phone in your hand. 

A huge grin stretched across your face as you took steps away from the animatronic. You waved it tauntingly at Spring Bonnie, who’s silver eyes followed it devotedly, before snatching up your camera and running into the hallway.

You got it! You got it! Shattered, smelly, and all; you got your best friend’s phone back! And now, you were one step closer to finding them. Or... finding what happened to them.

Your own phone pinged. You pulled it up. It was Michael.

‘what is taking so long??’

Even Michael’s nagging couldn’t deflate your elation.

[emilyssky]

Chapter 6: Bitch, don’t kill my vibe.

PAIRING: Lee Know! X fem!reader

GENRE(S): college au, smut, angst

WARNINGS: Mentions of violence and abuse, depression, self harm, eating disorders etc.. mentions of blood, swearing, smoking, smut [ dirty talk, oral; giving and receiving, chocking, spanking, praising, degradation, pet names, sometimes Minho is a dick :)

SUMMARY: "Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?"  

"What?"

"You said; Always leave people a little better than you found them" he looked at the floor with a small smile for a few seconds and then his eyes found mine. "You really annoyed me when we first met. I envied your optimism and excitement for life. But each time I saw you, I felt a certain thrill. You made me angry, you made me laugh., you made me feel everything. Something about you made me feel a little more alive each time. I know I fucked up and I know I'm an asshole but I'm also brutally in love with you."    

Y/N's POV:

I wrap my jacket tighter around my body, stuffing my hands in my pockets. "I thought you said you don't smoke anymore."

Chan's lips tug into a smile while keeping the cigarette secure between his teeth. "I did." He circles his hand around the cigarette and lights it up. "But you know." He exhales a cloud of smoke. I tilt my head, focusing my eyes on him. He looks tired. His face seems pale and his eyes are red with dark circles under them. He stares at the cigarette, watching it slowly burn. He looks like a ghost.

"When’s the last time you slept?" I ask.

He puts his legs on the bench, bringing his knees closer to his chest, and rests his arms on them. "Wednesday." It's Friday night. "When was the last time you ate?" He questions back.

I take the cigarette out of his hand and bring it to my lips. "Thursday morning." I blow out the smoke.

"Your mother would not like that." He takes it back before I have the chance to take a second puff.

"Which one? Me not eating or me smoking?" I joke.

He doesn't laugh. "Both."

I know. "Well, my mom wouldn't be happy with you not sleeping. Or smoking."

He chuckles and throws his cigarette on the ground, lowering his foot to step on it. "Well, I guess we're both stupid pieces of shit that Miss Erica would be disappointed with ."

"Yeah." I giggle.

I didn't wanna go home after what happened with Minho in the dance studio. I couldn't cause that's all that I would be thinking about if I was alone in my room and that's something I can't have right now. Overthinking about boys who can't figure themselves out is not something I wanna get back into. I was also not in the mood to put a happy mask on and go out with my friends or worst heavy them with my problems. So I called Chan. Like I always do when I wanna be alone but not by myself. He's the person that knows me the best and the only person that I'm not ashamed to be around whenever I'm not doing good. He has seen me at my absolute worst. He has picked me up from the streets blacked out drunk, he has held my hair back when I was throwing up and he has helped me take a shower and get dressed when I couldn't even get out of bed. As much as I love all of my friends, Chan is the one who patiently sat there and helped me when I was crying over a bowl of pasta, he was the one who stayed with me until 3 am in the studio, recording me and helping me when I was practising. No matter what was going on in his life he always took me on night drives cause he knows that it helps me sleep and he always watched with me any show I was obsessed with at the time until the morning. He was always there for me and I always have been there for him. We only have one rule; Never lie to each other. I broke that rule a year ago.

"But it's different with you, you know my mom loves you. You're Jax's replacement and he was my mom's favourite." I bump my shoulder to his and feel him freeze.

"That was a bad one bro." He shakes his head and I break out in a laugh.

"I love how you're still not used to my dead family jokes."

"And never will be." His lips form a tight smile.

"My mom called me today."

"She called me too."

I scoff. "Of course."

"She wanted me to convince you to go to London with her and Will."

I roll my eyes. "God I love her but sometimes she really suffocates me. I'm 22 and she still treats me like a fucking baby." Chan takes a breath and turns his gaze to the floor. I know what he's thinking. "What? Say it."

"Come on now, Y/n." He turns to me. "First of all you really should be happy that you have a mother that actually cares." His eyes twitch with emotion and guilt starts creeping in. "And second, you're not taking care of yourself. How are you expecting her not to worry about you?" I drop my eyes to my shoes, knowing he's right and feeling like shit for the second time tonight.

I hear him sigh. "Fuck, I'm sorry." He wraps his hand around my shoulder, pulling me in. "I didn't mean to sound so harsh. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I inch closer. "You were right anyway."

"I'm just stressed. I'm so fucking stressed with work, college, and the boys. Everything is just too much sometimes and I get discouraged. Like is this even worth it?" He questions out loud. "All of these boys put their dreams in my hands and this music thing might not even work out."

"Chan, it's not like that. I know that it's in your nature to take the leading role but just because you're their leader doesn't mean that their dreams are your responsibility. They chose to do this and trusted you to lead them into this. You're all in this together." Sometimes I feel like Chan holds the whole world's responsibility on his shoulders and at times like this, I try to remind him that it's okay to be taken care of once in a while.

"I don't know. I just- I really wanna do this, I really want us to make it."

"You guys haven't even finished college yet." I let out a small chuckle, trying to lighten up his mood. "You're working towards your goal and you're doing great."

"Thank you Y/n." He rests his head on mine. "I don't know what I would've done without you. You're the reason I'm working towards my dreams. If I hadn't met you I would probably be living in the street. " He finally lets his lips turn into a small smile.

I poke the little dimple that appears which causes him to smile wider. "No, thank you."

"I haven't done half of the shit you've done for me."

"You know that's not true." I pout. "You're my support system. I probably wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you."

He pushes me away slightly and I let out a laugh. "Shut up, oh my god."

"It was a joke."

He lifts himself up and looks down at me. "Come on" He offers me his hand.

I take it with no hesitation. "Where are we going?"

His smile reaches his eyes and he gives me a knowing look. "How about we go for a drive? Music up, windows down, and grab something to eat?"

I tighten my grip on his hand and take my bottom lip between my teeth, fighting the wave of anxiety that washes through me at his words. "I don't know Chan."

He lowers his face, his eyes staring at mine. "Please, just a little."

I know he's right and I feel a lot more comfortable eating when he's around anyway. "Okay."

"That's my girl." He pulls me under his arm and walks me to his car.                                 »»————-　　————-««

Minho's POV:

My knuckles are starting to burn but I keep punching the punching bag with all the power that my body can master right now. I punch and punch but as much as my body moves, the image of her won't shake from my head. It felt too real. She was so close that my body was burning and my mind became a mess, unable to think straight. She strips me of all the self-control that I've been building my whole life and confuses me to the point that I wanna bang my head against a fucking wall. Why her? Why now? My mind has been reaching for her all this time and now that I have her right in front of my face my body is unable to hold back. She's pulling me in and it's getting harder and harder to hold myself back. I fucking hate that. I hate how my mind decides to give people power over me. I don't want her. I want this feeling to be gone and I want to bury all these memories and thoughts of her. I throw one last punch and rest my head against the punching bag. The hurt in her eyes, seeing how much my words got to her gave me satisfaction, knowing that I have just a bit of power over her as well. She hated me more and more but the more anger that I forced out of her the more it drew me in. Fuck, I wanted to kiss her so bad. Even though I knew what that would do to me, I was ready to risk it all. I had her pushed against the glass, her body pressed against mine and I would have fucking devoured her. The switch in my brain came a bit late but came nevertheless. I bite the end of the glove with my teeth and pull it off, removing it and then taking the other one off as well. I push my hair backward, feeling little drops of sweat drip from the ends and down my forehead. I peel off my shirt and shorts as I walk towards the shower. I let the cold water wash over me, making my body freeze, forcing my heartbeat to slow down and I rest my head against the wall finally being able to breathe. It's a never-ending circle. It gets better until it doesn't. Everything's going too fast until it's going too slow and I'm tired of trying to keep everything under control.

I don't know how long I stayed under the shower. At some point, my limbs turned so numb that the cold water started to hurt my skin. I place the phone between my shoulder and my ear as I unlock my car.

"Hey," Chan answers after 2 rings.

"Where are you?" I immediately ask, throwing my bag on the backseat.

"People say hi first, Minho." He teases and I can't help but roll my eyes.

"Hey, Hi, hello." I pull out of the parking lot. "Where are you?"

"I'm still at the studio." Of course, he is. We sometimes tease Chan that he's a workaholic but jokes aside he actually is. "Where are you?" He asks back.

"I just left the gym, had to blow off some steam." I sigh. I picked up boxing last year and it has really helped me. Putting all my anger and frustration into punching the punching bag instead of someone's face has definitely kept me out of a lot of trouble. Chan's actually the one who gave me the idea. "Care to go for a drink?"

"A drink?" He chuckles. "I don't know man, I really have to finish this."

"Okay new plan," I make a turn, heading to the studio. "I bring the liquor to the studio, we get drunk, and write a super emotional song that's actually going to be a fucking hit one day."

"Okay done."

"Cool, I'll be there in 5," I say and hang up.

                                »»————-　　————-««

Y/N's POV:

It's Saturday morning, and though most college students would still be drunk, sleeping on the floor of someone else's apartment, or suffering from a terrible hangover, Chan's been in the studio since 8 a.m. He's been struggling with insomnia ever since I met him but lately, it's been getting really bad, he hasn't been sleeping at all, and trying to keep up with college and work has been taking a toll on him. I decided to pass by the studio before practice to bring him a coffee. The studio is quiet as expected on a Saturday morning. I knock 2 times before pushing the door open with my free hand. Chan's sitting in the chair in front of the table with all of his equipment, the recording racks, keyboards, and all of the shit that at one point I tried to learn what they do but failed. Jeongin and Jisung are sitting on the couch and Seungmin is sitting across them in the armchair with a black guitar on his thighs. All 3 of the boys' heads snap to the door.

"Hi" I smile at them.

"Hi kid" Han smiles back.

"Hi y/n" Jengin nods.

"I didn't know you guys would be here, I would have brought you all coffee." I pout.

"Oh, it's fine" Seungmin waves me off.

My eyes turn to Chan, who hasn't noticed my arrival due to the headphones that are covering his ears. I place our coffees on the table and go to stand behind him. I bend down a bit and wrap my arms around his shoulders. I feel him jerk a bit but as soon as his eyes recognize it's me, he breaks into a smile.

"What are you doing here? You scared me." He takes his headphones off and places the around his neck. I don't move, keeping my hands around him.

"I wanted to surprise you, I brought you coffee" I rest my chin on his shoulder. "As a thank you for the other night."

His hand comes up to my hair. "Awww!"

"Shut up" I release him and walk to the table in front of the guys to garb his coffee. When I turn to give it to him, my eyes lock with Minho's. He's inside the booth, probably recording. My stomach turns and I can almost hear my pulse quicken at the sight of him staring at me, his gaze piercing me. I force myself to take my eyes off him and back to Chan. Of course, he would be here, he's fucking everywhere.

"There you go" My lips turn into a forced smile.

"Thanks, babe" He takes the coffee from my hand. "Don't you have practice today? "

"Yeah, but it's fine I'll go later." I shrug.

"Okay, can you give me a second, I need to finish this with Minho." He says, putting his headphones back on.

I nod, grabbing my coffee and taking a seat beside Jeongin.

His head snaps to me. "Hi there"

"Hi" I lean closer. "What are you doing?"

"Just writing some lyrics"

"Are you guys still working on the same song?" I turn to Jisung.

He shakes his head. "No, we've finished that on one. Actually, Minho's recording the last of it right now"

"Oh cool." I nod.

"This one's a new song that Chan and Minho came up with last night. Wanna take a look?" Jeongin turns the notebook towards me, allowing me to read what they've been writing.

Chan and Minho? Interesting. "Sure" I lean a bit closer to him, our shoulders touching. I notice that he smells like mint. "Damn," I mutter reading the words.

"Minho had the original idea of the song," Jisung says.

Seungmin nods. "Yeah, his ideas are usually ..not about happy stuff" He struggles with the words and lets a small laugh under his breath. I turn to look back at the booth. The headphones are pushing his hair back, exposing his forehead, and his lips are moving, singing words that I'm not able to hear clearly. Suddenly his eyes snapped open, finding mine. There's something in his stare, something different and I feel like the seconds are turned to hours. He looks at me like there's something hanging from his lips, words he needs to say. His eyes look almost apologetic but still cold and indifferent.

"Can I have a sip?" Jeongin says, forcing my eyes back to him. His long arm is resting on the back of the couch just behind my head, his body and face closer to me than before.

Heat spread across my face at his sudden movements. "Y-Yeah sure"  I hand him the coffee.

"Minho, can you please focus so we can wrap this up" I hear Chan exhaling loudly, drawing our attention. He's still staring at me as if his eyes never left when I looked away. And then he blinks, several times with a tiny shake of his head before he focuses back on his task. This very short moment, our exchange of looks did not go unnoticed by Chan. His eyes felt like they were burning the side of my head and when I turn to look at him, his face was completely straight, bluntly staring between me and Minho. I offered him a small smile but it doesn't do much.

I hear an exhale of satisfaction and my head snaps back to Jeongin. "Hey, you said one sip." I reach for my coffee, almost half of it now gone.

Both of his eyebrows lift playfully. "Oops."

"You guys are coming tonight right?" Jisung asks

"As far as I know yeah, all of us are coming"

"Nice. This is going to be fun" He smirks.

"You're scaring me"

"No need little one, we'll take good care of you" He drops his voice, leaning closer to me.

"Stop." I laugh, pushing him.

The sound of the door slamming makes all of our heads turn to Minho.

"It's done?" Jisung asks.

"Yep," Minho simply answers and takes a seat beside Jisung. Jisung's hand comes up to mess with Minho's hair with a small smile and surprisingly Minho doesn't move away from his touch. Chan did say that they're pretty close yet seeing Minho like this with someone feels...weird. Not in a bad way but in a way that I'm suddenly intrigued. A part of me is curious about what it takes to get him to open up like this, and maybe an even smaller part of me, slightly craving this side of him as well. Chan gets up from his chair, his arms stretching over his head as he walks our way, his white hoodie rising enough for his lower abs to show.

"Stop drooling" He smirks, dropping his hands back down, noticing me looking his way.

"It's not my fault, you're casually flashing your abs" I defend. "Sorry, I have eyes."

He takes a seat beside me, his arm extending towards the back of the couch with his fingers brushing my shoulder. The way the side of his body is pressed against mine is nothing new or unfamiliar and it doesn't feel uncomfortable until I notice the short, sharp glances that are exchanged between him and Minho.

"What time are you guys coming over?" Seungmin asks.

Minho has moved away from Jisung's grip, now leaning back against the couch with his legs spread apart and his arms crossed. His face, an unreadable mask.

"Um around 9 probably. Is that okay?" I turn to Seungmin.

"Yeah, that's perfect." He says.

"Great!" I turn to Chan. "No that that's settled, and you have your coffee, I have to run."

"Can't you stay a bit longer?" His shoulders shrug a little.

"I wish but I really have to practice." I sigh, getting out of his grip.

"I can drop you off," Jeongin says. "I was gonna leave anyway."

I don't even have time to respond before he speaks up.

"But you said that you were going to work on the lyrics with Jisung today." Minho's voice comes out low and raspy, somehow heavy in the room. A second of silence passes by until Jeongin speaks again.

"I'll come back later, I'm pretty tired" Jeongin gets up, avoiding Minho’s intense gaze and I do the same as I drag my feet to the door. I offer the rest of the guys a nod and a goodbye before walking behind Jeongin as he leads us out of the studio, to his car.

                             »»————-　　————-««

"Where's Em?" Hyunjin asks as I open the door.

I leave it open for him to come in and walk back to my bedroom. "Already there."

"What's with the long face?" He follows me. "Come on cheer up, we're going to have some fun. We deserve it, we had a pretty tough week." He takes a seat on my bed as I put on my earrings, looking at myself in the mirror. Maybe I should change my outfit. Or my hair. Maybe the red lipstick wasn't the right choice.  "Stop looking, you're gorgeous." He ensures me, almost as if he read my mind. I drop my eyes to the floor with a small smile. He gets up, coming to stand right next to me, both of us facing the mirror. His hands come up to adjust his shirt.

"You should leave your hair natural more often, you look like a baby lion." He takes on a curl and twirls it around his long finger.

"That's the hottest thing anyone has ever called me." I double-check my makeup in the mirror, unable to stop the small smile that creeps on my lips.

"That's a better mood." He says satisfied.

I sigh and confess, "I just have anxiety around tonight. I don't feel like going, to be honest."

He frowns. "Why? You know all the guys and they're all chill, there's no reason for you to be anxious. It's gonna be fun."

"Not all of them are chill. " I mumble.

"Oh come on." He understands what I'm trying to say. "He's probably into you and that's his way of flirting."

"He's trying to flirt with me by being a dick to me?"

"Yeah, a lot of people are like that." He shrugs. "Enemies to lovers, you know?"

I roll my eyes. "Whatever."

He gets up and grabs my bag from the bed. "Just ignore him and have fun."

I sigh with a nod. "You're right." I smoothen out my pants and run a hand through my hair, trying to suppress all my thoughts.

He offers me his hand. "Come on, let's go."

                                  »»————-　　————-««

"I thought that you would never come." Jisung's warm smile greets us as he opens the door.

I pull him into a quick hug. "We just like making an entrance."

"Well, you sure did." He wraps his hand around Hyunjin's shoulders and leads us into the living room, where everyone is sitting. I make eye contact with Emma immediately, who's sitting beside Seungmin on the couch, with her legs on his lap. She smiles back, biting her lip and I almost laugh out loud. I bet she's had a few drinks by now. I scan the room, taking in the people already seated and my eyes can help but find him first. Jisung takes a seat on Seungmin's other side while  Minho, Changbin, and a girl I don't recognize are sitting on the other couch. I stare at Minho's side profile while he's staring at his phone. He's laid back, with his legs spread wide and his thumb between his lips, biting his nail. All of his features calm until Chan's voice fills the room.

"Y/n!" He yells coming out of the kitchen with two bowls filled with chips and popcorn in his hands. Minho's eyes snap in Chan's direction and in seconds, they find mine. For a split second I'm backing the dance studio, my back pressed against the glass and his face inches away from mine. I can almost feel his breath tickling my skin.

I turn to Chan with a smile, breaking eye contact immediately. "Hi." I take on one bowl, helping him. Felix and Jeongin come out of the kitchen as well, with bottles of alcohol, cups, and a bunch of different sodas. "Hi, guys." I give them a quick hug after we put everything on the coffee table between the couches. Jeongin and Chan sit on the 2 armchairs while Felix, Hyunjin, and I take a seat on the floor.

"I like your hair." Jeongin comments first thing when we take a seat.

"Thanks,"  I chuckle awkwardly at his direct compliment. "I don't, but thanks." He opens his mouth to say speak again but Changbin's loud clap stops him, getting everyones' attention.

"Okay, let's have a couple of shots, and then we can get started with the games."

                                »»————-　　————-««

We have music playing in the background as we take shot after shot. The girl beside Changbin is named Lia and she's really nice. She's a theater major and from the looks of it, I can clearly tell that there's something going on between them. I throw my head back, feeling my throat burning as I drown my 6th shot, and close my eyes, swallowing.

"Okay," Chan hisses, slamming his cup to his thigh. "I think that's enough, let's get started."

"Truth or Dare?" Jisung offers, his tone challenging and I almost groan out loud. My hatred for this game is incredibly strong. I can't recall a time that I've played it and it didn't end up bad, and considering the situation and the people playing, I'm terrified.

"Fuck yeah," Changbin agrees. "Rules; If you don't do the dare; you drink, If you don't wanna be honest; you drink." He explains.

Even though since I sat down I've been trying to avoid looking his way, I can practically feel his gaze on me. And as everyone’s talking about the rules, I gave in to the heat I'd been feeling on the side of my face and, lifted my own gaze to meet his. And maybe it's the alcohol that so heavily entered my system but the look in his eyes made my breath hitch for a split second. With his hair pushed back, his forehead exposed and those thick almost perfect eyebrows, he looks like a fucking model in my drunken eyes and I can't help but unconsciously tilt my head at the sight with the smallest smile. His teeth make an appearance, wrapping around his bottom lip and I can see the corners of his mouth lifting only the tiniest bit.

  Interesting.

"I'll start." Changbin clears his throat but I don't move my gaze, I hold his eyes as he brings his cup to his lips, taking a sip. "Hyunjin," He says, and Hyunjin smiles. "We'll start off easy, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"How many people have you slept with?" He asks.

"I can answer that one." I joke, lifting my hand but he grabs my wrist and brings it back down.

"I will break your hand." He shakes his head, fighting a smile. "Um, I think about 20 people." He truthfully answers.

"Damn." Seungmin comments.

"Yeah, he's a manwhore." I tease him again.

He pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue. "Y/n, truth or dare?"

I narrow my eyes at him, honestly scared of what he might ask. "Dare."

"I dare your ass to take a shot and pass it to someone else." His smile grows. "Mouth to mouth, lips touching and all."

The question makes everyone let out low whistles or start cheering all ready for me to do it. My lips form a tight line realizing that I'm definitely not drunk enough to find it challenging or even a bit funny. "You're such an asshole." I say, not wanting my hesitation to show in my voice.

"Who are you passing it to?" He asks as he pours a shot of tequila into my cup, making the decision for me. I look at all of them carefully, thinking. I can't pick Hyunjin cause he was the one to ask me, so I'm debating between Felix and Chan, cause there are the ones I feel the most comfortable with. I could also pick Em, but it's again, the safest option. As my eyes go from person to person, searching, they stop on him. He smirks, his eyes challenging me. I shift my gaze to Jeongin for a few seconds and then back to Minho, challenging him back in a way, making the small smirk that was playing on his lips disappear and his head to drop a little lower. His eyebrows frown just a little causing his gaze to darken. Oh, how I'm dying to say Jeongin's name just to see his reaction but that would be so predictable of me. I don't wanna annoy him, I wanna challenge and intrigue him.

I smile, an idea crossing my mind. "Lia."

My choice is a surprise to everyone.

"Oh shit," Changbin says with an excited laugh. "We're starting off strong."

Lia's cheeks have a hit of pink but she sends a grin my way, lifting herself off of her seat beside Changbin. I return the grin as she drops to her knees in front of me. I stay on my knees but instead of sitting, I stand straight. She gives me a small nod, letting me know she's ready and I bring the cup to my lips, taking the liquor in my mouth. The insides of my cheeks burn as I place my hands on her jaw. She opens her mouth wide and I bring my lips close to hers, pouring the shot carefully. I hear whistles and screaming but I keep my eyes on hers until we're done. She swallows, a few drops escaping from the corners of her lips, and turns around to everyone with her mouth open.

"Fuck yeah!" Changbin grabs her hand and pulls her to sit back down, next to him.

Everyone's clapping and shouting, causing a wave of confidence to run through me.

"She's baaack!" Hyunjin whispers in my ear as I return to my previous position, smiling. I can feel his eyes on me again, and I know that I'm secretly loving the silent attention his giving me.

"Okay, who's next?"

                              »»————-　　————-««

The game continues, we get drunker and the questions get crazier. Chan's only wearing his boxers, Changbin has recreated 5 of his favorite sex positions with Lia, Emma took Seunngmin's shirt off with her teeth, Jeongin revealed that he lost his virginity at 15, and Felix that he is a bottom. Minho took a shot because he didn't want to go to the balcony and moan for a whole minute and Hyunjin took a shot as well because he wouldn't make out with Felix's foot. I find myself actually having fun, not faking any smiles or laughs and I haven't felt like that in a while. It's nice. It feels almost impossible not to let my eyes travel his way every once in a while. He, as well, looks like he's having fun, which is weird for him. Ever since I met him, I haven't seen him genuinely smiling like he is now. His face has completely transformed and it's hard to look away. He's laughing and drinking and for once, he's not tensed, he's completely relaxed. He's not glaring at me any chance he gets, his eyes have lightened up and all the rude comments are gone. He's having fun and I'm having fun and I'm scared cause I don't know how long this is gonna last, us being in the same place, getting along. Well, kinda. We haven't exchanged a single word but still, I feel like being in the same room and not wanting to pull each other's hair out is enough for me.

"Yes, I have." Emma says proudly.

"Hold on," Jisung tries to speak through his laughter. "You're bisexual?"

The word brings a light shade of red across her face."No" She shakes her head.

"Who was the girl?" Seungmin asks. Both Hyunjin and Chan clear their throats, trying to control their laughs and I take a sip from my drink.

"That's a long story." Felix looks between me and Em with a smirk.

Jisung follows Felix's eyes " Wait..." He narrows his eyes on me and I try to cover my smile with my cup. "No way" His eyes widen. "No fucking way."

Jeongin seems to catch up from beside me. "You hooked up with Y/n?" He laughs.

"Oh, my god." Seungmin covers his face with his hands.

"It was one time and we were wasted." Emma tries to explain but a laugh escapes her as well.

"They made out in front of everyone, it was legendary." Hyunjin nods from the floor.

"Okay, Okay, let's move on." Knowing how shy Emma gets, I try to take the attention off of us. "Em, you ask."

"Jeongin, truth or dare?" She challenges him.

"Dare me."

"Give someone a lap dance," Emma smirks.

"Come on, man" Jeongin throws his head back. I flicked my eyes at Emma, noticing the look on her face. She winks back. Oh, no.

"Please do it, I'm begging you" Changbin laughs.

Jeongin pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue and looks around. "I love you guys but I'm not giving any of you a lap dance."

"But you're a great dancer." Minho teases him.

"Y/n" He gets up from the armchair. "I'm already pretty tipsy, so it's your lucky day."

Fuck.

I have zero time to process what's about to happen when out of nowhere the music that was playing in the background switches to a slow, seductive song.

"Let's go" Jisung yells, clapping his hands together.

Chan gets up from the armchair and pushes me to take his place as Jeongin rolls his shoulders a bit, almost as if he's preparing himself, his eyes locking with mine. My nervousness must be clear as day all over my face, while his expression is the complete opposite. His gaze is playful, darker than before and with a smug smile playing across his lips he makes his way towards me. My grip on the armchair tightens and I feel my heart starting to beat faster. He starts swaying his hips seductively and everyone starts yelling. Due to his standing position, I'm face to face with his crotch and I can't help but look away in embarrassment. His fingers reach for the bottom of his shirt and he peels it off his body slowly, not breaking eye contact. My mouth slightly opens and I scoff laughingly at the sight of his quite defined abs. He lowers himself a bit more, his hips not stopping their movements, bringing his face closer to the side of my own. His hips brush mine lightly with each thrust and I swear my whole face heats up right then. He places his hands against the armchair on each side of my head for support and the more his hips brush up against me the more the rest of the guys scream and shout, cheering him on. He grins at my flustered expression and I turn my face to the side, unable to hold eye contact, anymore. My eyes find his. All the voices and noise fade in the background, and suddenly Jeongin's dancing is not the reason I find myself holding my breath for. His soft gaze from before is gone and replaced with absolute darkness. His eyes are dark in a way that makes me intimidated, he doesn't look amused. A shiver runs down my spine, excitement building in my lower stomach. I hold his gaze as I lightly bite my lip the minute Jeongin's hair brushes my neck. My back arches slightly, my hips meeting his. He takes a breath, clenching his jaw. His whole face, tight and cold.

'What if I push him just a little more...' I think to myself and lift my hand to rest on the side of Jeongin's hips as he continues to move his body to the beat. I turn to look back at the man dancing on top of me, his eyes wild and dark as well but before I have to lean just a little closer...

"Okay, that's more than a minute" Minho speaks up—his tone cold.

"Let the boy have some fun." Jisung nugs him with his elbow but it only takes a single glare from Minho to make his smile drop.

"Okay Jeongin, we get it, you could be a stripper," Jisung turns the music off and everyone starts clapping at Jeongin's performance. Jeongin pulls himself away from me with a grin and searches for his shirt, putting it back on. I force my body to move back to my previous position on the floor while my mind is still trying to process what just happened.

Hyunjin crawls a bit closer. "You're flushed." His hands come up to fan my face.

"Jeongin you ask." Emma reminds him.

"Right," He looks at me. "truth or dare?"

"Me?" God, give me a break first.

He nods.

"Um, dare." I pick.

"I dare you to call your ex-boyfriend and moan his name." His words make my face drop, and my body goes completely still. Silence falls upon us and I feel the eyes of all of my close friends on me. I swallow hard turning to look at Chan. His eyes are hard and his lips turned into a thin line as he pours me a shot and passes it to me, silently choosing for me.

"Come on Y/n, that was an easy one." Changbin whines as I take the shot, quietly, suddenly unable to hold my head up, until I hear him.

"And you called me a pussy before. " Minho mutters under his breath.

It was like a snap, like a switch that went off inside me and my whole body started to burn. I slam my cup onto the table. "What did you say?"

"Me?" He smirks. "Nothing"

That expression, that smug, cocky-ass grin, and the satisfaction in his eyes, make me wanna smack the shit out of him.

"What's your fucking-"

"Come on Y/n, ask someone." Felix cuts me off, trying to avoid what's about to happen like he always does when he suspects fighting coming.

I inhale through my nose, forcing myself to camp down. I don't want to give him the satisfaction. "Channie, truth or dare?" I sigh.

"Dare."

"Take 5 shots." I say, not bothering to think of anything better.

"Come on that's boring." Seungmin rolls his eyes but Chan takes the shots one after the other.

He hisses, eyes watering and he shakes his head a bit before speaking again. "Truth or dare?" He turns to Minho, looking at him with a straight face.

Minho tilts his head, holding his gaze for a few seconds. "Dare."

Both of them stare at each other like they're silently communicating.

"Take a body shot from Y/n's stomach." Chan lifts his chin.

My breath hitches.

Minho's eyes narrow slightly, still looking at Chan. I look between them, sensing that something's off. It feels weird of Chan to ask something like this. When Minho reaches for a shot, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Of course, he would take the shot instead, yet I can't keep my mouth shut.

"Who's the pussy now?" I mumble, loud enough for him to hear.

I watch as my words make him freeze, eyes darkening with the cup inches away from his lips.

"Damn." Changbin looks between us, the tension clear enough to everyone.

Instead of drinking it, Minho takes the cup and get's up from the couch. Now it's my turn to freeze.

Shit.

"Lay on the floor." He demands in a low voice that sends chills down my spine. It takes me a few seconds but my body reacts and moves on its own. I lay down on the floor just in front of the couches, silently. He walks over to me, his mouth a tight line and then, he straddles my thighs, the pressure of his body knocking the air out of me. His eyes- completely dark, staring down at me as If I'm a 5-star meal and he hasn't eaten in ages. My mind is so clouded, my body still and unable to move that it's his hand that pushes the bottom of my top up until my whole stomach is exposed. His tongue appears, wetting his full lips as he places one hand beside my ear for support. I look up at him hesitantly, his face a perfect mask with no expression and I hold my breath, not used to having him this close. Not used to having him close at all.

"Don't challenge me, angel." He whispers in my ear, loud enough for only me to hear. His words go straight to my core and I stare at him completely speechless. He pours the shot into my belly button and a little on my stomach. I flinch a bit as the cold liquid hits my skin.

"Don't move." He lowers himself, bringing his face inches away from my stomach. He grabs the sides of my waist, his cold fingers making my back arch just a tiny bit and his lips begin to suck the liquor from my stomach. The minute his tongue touches me, my stomach turns into a knot, and when he looks up at me - I suck a breath. His lips and tongue move perfectly, drawing and brushing against my skin like a feather, raising goosebumps wherever his mouth touches me as he licks his way up slowly. My mind still hasn't processed how we ended up like this. He holds my gaze, his eyes, so clear that I can see my reflection in them. As he moves his tongue back down towards my belly button, I have to stop myself from clenching my thighs together, but I can't stop this overwhelming feeling that rushes through me. I haven't been touched in such a way for far too long and I feel my body melting under him. He tightens his grip on my waist, feeling me move and I bite my lip to keep myself from making any sounds. Everyone else has faded away, although I can still hear them shouting but it's only me and him as he drags his tongue even lower, just above my now unbuttoned pants, my hand unconsciously moves to his hair. His eyes close and he lets out the lowest growl. He gives my waist a squeeze and lifts his head, looking down at me with a challenging smile before getting off of me completely. My body and mind go absolutely numb, realizing what just happened as he stands over me with the most satisfied, cocky-ass grin I've ever seen and embarrassment consumes me.

"Okay, I think we need a break. " Hyunjin clears his throat and Changbin lets out a low whistle. Everyone is silent, probably completely shocked but I don't dare to look at their faces.

"I'm gonna clean myself a bit." I get up from the floor and basically run to the bathroom. My legs feel like jelly, and I can hear and feel my heart beating so fast that my chest feels heavy. I close the door and rest my back against it. The world is spinning, and I don't think that it's only because of the alcohol.

"What the fuck just happened?" I whisper to myself, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath before moving to the sink. I stare at my reflection- my whole face is flushed, my eyes and hair wild, and when I look down, at my stomach, I have to stop myself from gasping out loud. My skin is still glistering from the alcohol and the wetness of his mouth, but it's the light red marks that are travelling from my belly button down to the top of my underwear that make heat spread between my legs.

"Damn him," I say under my breath. Why would he do that? What is he doing? What the fuck does he want with me? A few days ago he was yelling in my face about how he doesn't wanna get to know me and now he literally took a shot out of my stomach, in front of everyone. I push my hair back, trying to get my head to focus. I feel like I'm going to explode from confusion. He must be bipolar or something. It doesn't make sense- he doesn't make sense.

A knock on the door makes me groan in frustration.

"Occupied."

They knock again.

"Who is it?" I sigh and open the door, but before I can react Minho pushes me backwards until my back hits the sink, closing the door in the process. He traps me between his hands, bringing his face close to mine. His big eyes show no emotion as they stare back at my wide ones.

"W-what are you doing?" I shutter. Completely shocked.

"What are you doing?" He shoots back. I hate how he seems completely unphased about what just happened while I still can't even breathe properly yet.

I clear my throat, trying to hold his intense gaze. " What do you mean?"

A sharp laugh escapes him. "You want my attention that bad?"

"What the fuck are talking about?"

He licks his lips, glaring down at me hard. "What's up with you and Jeongin?"

"Do you care?" I challenge him back but he simply stares at me. He's close enough for me to smell the alcohol on his breath alongside his usual vanilla scent.

"Cut it." He growls

I smirk. "Cut what?"

He takes a deep breath, eyes moving all over my face. "I told you not to challenge me."

"Did you?" I push further.

He bites his lip with a small smile. "You're having fun aren't you?"

I lean closer to him, a sudden burst of confidence rushing through me, leading me to close the small gap between us. "So much." I grin. "You are the one who challenged me first." Our noses are almost touching now and I look up at him through my lashes. "And two can play this game."

"Then I guess it's your turn angel." The pet name sparks something inside me. Fuck, I've had too much to drink.

"Now you seem like you wanna talk to me huh?"

"Still salty about that?" He mumbles.

"I don't get hurt that easily." I smile.

He smiles back but I notice his grip on the sink tightening. "I'll take that as a challenge."

"Good..." I say, my lips only a few inches away from his, before pushing at his chest and walking out of the bathroom.

[meeludrawz]

I can't

I've been writing this for a while now, I rewritten and rewritten it again and again But now, it is officially done And I love how it turned out!!

At the dojo with Leo, she began to warm up her muscles with his help. The warm-up only lasted a few minutes, but she was already running out of air. It seems she wasn't as fit as she thought. Still, this didn't bother her friend. In fact, he was more than happy that she asked him to train her to become stronger. Martial arts was a big part of the four turtles' lives and if Leo got to spend more time with Bulan then that was a bonus he wouldn't turn down. “It’s great you decided to train! Just don’t listen to the others, it’s not torture and with you, I’m sure it’ll be more fun” He smiled at her. “Really? It’s that fun to be around me?” She smiled back, amused. Leo’s face went a little red, but she didn’t notice it. “Well- You are fun to be around, but I meant that training with someone is more fun” Her smile faded a little at that, it wasn't the first time people told her they felt good around her. And yet, she had never kept a single friendship since her childhood. Most left after a year or less. Maybe it was them, maybe it was her, but each time she found herself believing that it was clearly her fault. She even began to believe that she would end up alone with an army of cats or dogs. But now that she was a snake… Even dogs and cats avoided her now. Of course, she didn’t want to ruin the mood with all that so she shook those thoughts out of her head and only thanked him. With a smile that hopefully hid her sadness. Seemed like it worked because he returned the smile. “Are you ready then?”

About twenty minutes later, they were practicing for combat. But she sucked. “Not like that, here like this” Yes, she knew. He didn't need to tell her. She observed him with great attention, but she couldn’t reproduce his movement. So Bulan tried again. “You need to be faster Bulan” She. Knew. It. But she couldn't do it, and she seriously started to believe that she wasn't good enough to do it. And the more he repeated it, the more she felt like she was worthless and that he would soon lose his patience. The minute her brain imagined him getting angry, the tears came. She could already imagine the look of disappointment crossing his face. Soon he was going to stop helping her because she was too weak, she sucked, and because she wasn't worth it. He asked her to try again, but she couldn't do it anymore. She collapsed on her knees. Bulan closed her fists and the tears fell on the floor. Leo froze, he didn’t understand what was going on. Was it the training? Was he too harsh?? He hoped not, or else he’d have to apologize to his brothers and ask his father for help so he could become nicer. Suddenly, the conversation he had with Donnie a few months ago came back to his mind.

Donnie had silently walked inside the dojo, Leo was always there somehow, when the blue masked turtle was meditating. “Hey Leo? I know you’re busy, and I really shouldn’t bother you, but it’s… About our new “roommate”…Bulan “ Leonardo's eyes shot open. He worriedly looked at Donnie. “What is it?” He asked as he stood up. The purple masked turtle crossed his arms and sighed with a little smile. “Well, I saw how you seemed “curious” about her” Donnie smirked a little. “But I also observed something else” Leo raised a brow, ignoring his younger brother’s smirk. “Which is?” “Well, you see, I was reading some psychological books at some point, and it ended up being more interesting than I actually thought. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I think you should be careful around her. I think she’s um, well…” The purple masked turtle hesitated. “She’s what?” Insisted the leader. “Unstable… And not in a crazy way… More like- Uh… I mean, she’s showing lots of signs of depression and anxiety” The blue turtle nodded, a finger to his chin as he thought. “Careful, noted” Donnie also put a finger to his chin. “I mean I could be wrong, which is rarely the case because I’m quite observant, but maybe it’s just because she recently mutated, and she isn’t used to all this yet"

Coming back to reality, he bent down next to Bulan and put a hand on her shoulder. Since that discussion with Donnie, Leo had been observing Bulan from afar. They were all making sure that she was okay, but it was mostly Leo, for totally not obvious reasons. With that, he actually learned a lot about her and in a way, it was kind of fun. It was like discovering new things about your favorite subject. Like how Donnie and Bulan were total astrology nerds. Like how Bulan and Raph looked a lot like each other but whenever he’d get angry, she’d avoid him at all costs. And how Bulan and Mikey shared this strange relationship that looked like an older sister with her younger brother. They hugged and cuddled a lot. Luckily, Mikey was head over heels for Elina or else Leo would have thought he had feelings for the snake lady. Which wasn’t bothering him at all, no. Him, the leader, jealous? Psh nah, that’s stupid. He looked at the snake lady as he patted her back. Maybe it was too overwhelming? It hasn’t been a year since her mutation, well almost, but still, his father one day told him that some people took more time to heal than others.

“I’m sorry I-” He blinked at the sudden sound of her voice. “For what?” “I- You’re- Because…” Leo sighed with a soft smile, knowing where she was going. “Let’s say you’re right, doesn’t that mean it includes you too?” “But I’m… I’m strong, I can do it” Her voice cracked again which made his heart sink, he didn’t like seeing her cry, but he gave her a comforting smile anyway. “I know you can, you ARE strong but no one ever said you had to do it alone” This time she couldn’t hide it, she couldn’t shut her mouth, she had to speak. “How do I know you’re not lying…? How do I know you won’t leave like all the other friends I had?” She hissed, but she was sadder than actually angry.

Leo turned his head away from her, he scratched the back of his neck before taking a deep breath. “I didn’t want to tell you that this soon or not even like this but… It has been what? 8 months since you’re with us now?” The snake woman looked at him with that kind of glance that made his heart melt. He wanted to hold her close and tell her anything that would make her feel safe with him. Because she was looking at him with a mix of fear and hope. “I-” He grabbed the side of her face and gently rubbed his thumb against her scales. How could he announce that? Man, at that moment he wished he had seen more episodes where a character confesses to another. Maybe he’d know what to say now. “I- I have feelings for you” Crap. “B-But more than friends! In a “I want to marry you” way! I mean not now- But maybe in a few years?” CRAP CRAP CRAP, WHAT THE SHELL WAS HE SAYING. HOW COULD HE BE SO STUPID?? HE NEVER SHOULD'VE HAD LAUGHED AT DONNIE ABOUT APRIL WHEN THEY WERE TEENS! “I mean- In a few years if we’re still together! Or if we’re even together to begin with-” She looked at him with such a confused expression. He sighed, man, he sucked at this. “Or we could just stay friends- I mean- I’d be okay with it. But I’d never leave you, friend or… uh more” Bulan didn’t answer, still shocked. Like what the hell was going on?? Her crush just revealed that he liked her too?? WAS SHE DREAMING?! If so, it was a horrible dream. She didn’t want to wake up. But staying in a dream wasn’t healthy, she’d had to go back to reality at some point. Which is why it was horrible because she’d wake up and realize it never happened. Leo’s anxiety rose as she stayed silent. He screwed up, didn’t he? MAN HOW HE WISHED HE COULD HIDE.

He opened his mouth. “I’m sorry I-” The snake lady jumped and hugged him tightly. The turtle let out a yelp of surprise and fell on his back, Bulan on top of him. “I- I love you too” Leo blushed hard at her response and hugged her back. Raph walked in the dojo when he stumbled upon that scene. His face became red and he quickly turned around. “GET YOURSELVES A GODDAMN ROOM OR SOMETHING” “W-Wait Raph that’s not-!” Leo laughed, letting his brother go. Oh, well. The new couple couldn’t wish for anything better than this. It was perfect.

-----------------------

Hope you enjoyed!!

pspspspspsppspsps @ackalice

[cadet-aviator]

In trouble (1)

On the long bus drive back home from Camp I had had five hours to think it all over. 

It had not been a good experience, that was obvious. I just didn’t understand it. I could see that pushing a boy like me to the point of exhaustion could perhaps have a good effect, in showing me that I was capable of a lot more than I had imagined, but I couldn’t really see the point of how they went about it in Camp. 

For one thing, I had not had a single word of encouragement, no ‘well done, lad’, nothing. I had spent hours and hours just standing in the presence of these retired officers who didn’t even seem to notice I was there, who clicked their fingers when they wanted a drink. It was just assumed that I would perform at 100%, and anything below that was unacceptable.

The only response was negative, demerits and corrections, punishments. 

And it was all so eerily calm. I would stand there and lose focus a bit, trying not to fall asleep in the dusk, and suddenly an officer would stand before me and calmly say ‘For failure to maintain proper posture of attention, two demerits, cadet.’ And I would say ‘Yes Sir. Thank you Sir’. 

I said before: I was used to being disciplined, and I didn’t disagree with the reprimands. At first I was even genuinely disappointed in myself, for not being that 100%. 

I confess that once I got off the bus (and had undergone yet another inspection) a kind of depression set in.

I was convinced that the whole thing had been a bad mistake, something I should have avoided, something very far from the everyday practice of being a good school cadet, keeping my shirts clean, knotting my tie, doing my drills, trying to be strong and cool and pure. I loved all that, but was sure that I was not professional soldier material.

I went in to the barracks for this evaluation at 6 AM confident that I was going to say ‘Thank you, but I will not continue as an Army cadet, Sir’. 

But that was not on the cards.

They were actually a bit angry, during the evaluation, or pretended to be angry. The young officer looked over my record and said that 24 demerits in three weeks was quite bad, and very disappointing. It was particularly bad because they had had high hopes, I came with the Admiral’s personal recommendation, and it was clear that I had let him down – a major embarrassment to everybody.

So there were consequences. I had signed a form, before I went, which had made me an Army cadet for the duration of the Camp, and they now came down on me with the full force of military regulations. It didn’t matter that I was only 15, and not a Malay national, and still in school – I had ‘offended’ the honour of this Army cadet corps. 

I was given a list, and they read it out to me. I was basically given a disciplinary sentence.

The 24 demerits were changed into 240 hours of cadet ‘Disciplinary service’. Every free hour I had was going to be spent working in the barracks, doing the dishes, laundry, weeding in the garden, serving as mess waiter. Two periods of two hours during the week, and all of Saturday afternoon, so eight hours in all, for a period of 30 weeks. I would get home inspections twice a week. Also, my performance in school cadets would also be monitored, and any demerits there would be taken into account by the Army cadets, and added to my service.

I had to write a long letter of apology to the Army cadet corps acknowledging my below par performance, and to the Admiral, personally.

Finally, they would recommend that I not only do those three weeks again, but that I would be signed up for an additional three weeks of 'junior cadet officer training', which would mean putting me in charge of my own group of miserable boys.

My parents were duly informed of all this; legally the Army could not impose a sentence on me without my parents’ consent, but they made it clear that this was all very serious, and could lead to more serious measures. They had already informed my school.

I was completely dumbfounded. I didn’t talk back. I didn’t protest. I was dismissed. 

(All images are AI generated)

[kyokutsu-sama]

So this mf has been living in my head for awhile so here's something to ease the need for him a bit. Although the more I write the more depressing I feel knowing that I can't have him😫

(I feel more smut than usual when I write about him)

Imagine: Kenpachi x reader

Tw: Nsfw

---------------------------------------------

The water touched your skin, which was hot after taking down almost an entire squadron of Kenpachi during training. You were in the shower washing your sweaty and filthy body. You never thought that after joining the 11th division you could get even stronger than before and your dear captain would also like to know that you got stronger and he would like even more to see the results of that strength when he crossed paths with a whole squadron of men going to end up in the 4th division because of you. The bathroom door opened but you were so lost in your thoughts that you didn't notice the big figure behind you.

You only noticed him after he grabbed you by the waist and turned you to face him.

"Ah, you were there, I didn't even notice" - you said a little nervously

"So it was you, wasn't it? You were the one who took down all those idiots?"- his broad and naked appearance standing in front of you while his strong hands were holding your waist, was hot and intimidating at the same time.

"Admit it, you liked knowing that I'm getting strong, didn't you? That I'm able to fight anyone who messes with me"- you teased him

"And did you know you get hot as fuck when you fight ?" He said as he brought his lips to your ear.

"Yeah and you like watching me fight those idiots ? Does the way I beat each one of them drive you crazy?"

"Your strength is admirable, but will you be strong enough for me?"

"Don't worry Captain, I always do my job properly"

"Good"

And with that he leaned over you and attacked your lips. You had both hands pulling his face against you while his mouth were ravenously on yours. Both lips came together intensely with the mutual desire that was surrounding the two of you. You pulled away from his lips a little to catch your breath but he didn't wait and started leaving hickeys along your neck. You gripped his long hair while moaned his name, something he really enjoyed hearing and would get angry if you held back from screaming his name. He didn't care if anyone was going to hear you, that wasn't more important than his own pleasure. He started to run his lips down devouring your breasts and collarbone. His touch was hot, his hands were hot, his lips, his skin, everything about him was hot.

He grabbed the backs of your thighs and lifted you against the wall. You moaned when you felt his cock against the inside of your thigh. He came back up to kiss your lips and without taking any longer he put himself inside you without giving you time to adjust to him. He didn't like to be slow, he preferred to go fast and hard and he prided himself on knowing that you were strong enough to take him.

You held tightly to his shoulders while he thrust hard in and out of you. He didn't have to prepare you in advance because he knew you were already completely wet for him and it's not only because of the water that fell from the shower.

Your legs that were on his waist, were starting to shake although you tried not to show signs of tiredness, you didn't want to disappoint him after having told him that you were strong enough to keep up with his pace.

He pulled out inside you and turned your back to him.

"Make sure you shout my name out loud, you hear?"-He said close to your ear when he hit you again in the same fast and hard rhythm.

Your hands held the wall with some effort to not fall. Your legs were spread and shaking more and more. You felt his hands squeezing the skin of your buttocks and occasionally giving you a few slaps that would probably cover that entire area.

"What did I told you?"

You didn't dare to disobey him and even with some difficulty you pronounced the name on him loudly between groans. The bathroom was filled with the heat of your bodies and your loudly moans. He felt proud knowing he was the one making you like this.

"That's my girl"- he said with a smirk

You almost came right there with those words. He kept the frantic movements in and out of you. One of his hands slid between your thighs to circle his fingers on your clit while the other moved up towards your breasts. You couldn't hold back any longer with his big hands running through your body.

"K-ken…pachi, I'm…"- You moaned with tears of pleasure forming in the corners of your eyes while you felt your insides tighten around him more and more

Even without turning around you felt his satisfied smile while you were coming.

He only stopped after some time and you could feel your insides warm when he came inside you. You nearly lost your balance when he pulled out inside you but he grabbed you by the back of your neck and pulled you against his chest. You tilted your head back slightly to meet his face and he also leaned down to kiss you.

"I told you captain… I would take you without effort" - you said breathlessly

"Is this some round two invitation? because if it is, I'm going to be even more rough"

"No, I'm too tired"

"You better recover fast because we still have a long night to enjoy"

You shivered when he whispered that last sentence. You knew that was your turn to end up in the 4th division.

.

.

.

[karahalloway]

Isle of Misfits: Chapter 8 - Burnt by the Truth

Fandom: TRR x Platinum x OH x CoP x TNA (so far...)

Series: Isle of Misfits Round Robin hosted by @choicesprompts

Word Count: 1,200

Characters: TRR's Leo Rys, Liam Rys, Olivia Nevrakis (RoE's 'Katie Rys', TNA's Sam Dalton and CoP's Trystan Thorne mentioned)

Warnings: M (swearing, references to depression, references to alcohol abuse, references to suicide)

“You’re still angry, aren’t you?” Liam asked as he and Leo stepped out of the bar following their randezvous with Trystan Thorne.

Leo threw a scoff back at his brother. “Why on earth would you think that, Your Majesty?”

Liam heaved a low breath as he watched the former Crown Prince of Cordonia stride off into the warmth of the night.

Leo had always been the more opinionated of the two of them — which certainly got him into a lot more hot water with their father than Liam believed was strictly healthy for one’s constitution — and this latest ‘divergence of opinion’ was no exception.

His brother just had to be made to see that the intervention was for his own good.

Brokering a peace alliance between warring states would’ve been easier…

But, soothing ruffled feathers is what Liam had been trained to do since he could talk, so if anyone could make his obstinate brother see reason, it was him… right?

“Leo, please,” he pleaded, jogging after the shadowy form of his sibling. “If you will just—”

“Why?” came the bitter response. “So you can tell me how much of a disappointment I am? How much I let you and the kingdom down? Don’t think I haven’t heard that speech a thousand times before…”

“Actually, I was going to try and apologise…”

His brother’s words caused Leo to stop short. Turning slowly around, he regarded Liam under the moonlight. “You pulling my leg?”

“No,” Liam insisted, spreading his hands to show his sincerity. “I genuinely am sorry. The entire situation could have been handled much better. You’d come back home to try and get away from the unfortunate situation you found yourself in — quite accidentally, but all accounts — and instead of offering you the moral support you so clearly carved, I annihilated your trust by going behind your back.”

“So, why did you do it?” asked Leo, folding his arms. His brother’s words had touched him, but he wasn’t going to give Liam the satisfaction of caving to the clearly well-rehearsed words to just hug it all out. “If there was an issue, you should’ve just come to me.”

“I… I couldn’t,” Liam admitted, his shoulders dropping a fraction of an inch.

“Why not?” Leo demanded suspiciously.

“Because Katie intimated that you would never do something like this voluntarily,” Liam explained tightly. “And… if you didn’t do it, she was going to file for divorce.”

The breath left Leo’s body like oxygen being sucked out of a vacuum chamber. “She what—?"

Liam looked up at his brother sympathetically. “Why didn’t you tell me that things had become so fraught?”

“I didn’t realise that they had…” Leo admitted in a hollow voice. “I knew she wanted me home more, to be with the kids, and stuff, but… Oh, Jesus, I’ve fucked this royally, haven’t I?”

“It’s not too late,” Liam consoled, stepping up to his brother to lay a hand on his shoulder. “She’s willing to give you this chance. But you have to commit to the program. Bertrand has had success with several clients already, who were arguably in bigger strifes than you.”

“Not with their wives, though…”

“No,” Liam conceded with a smile. “But that’s why you’ve been paired with a mentor — so they can guide you through—”

“Sam Dalton is a dick.”

“I am afraid I have not had the opportunity to—”

“He left his wife to be with his maid,” Leo spat. “What the hell does a man like that know about love, commitment, the sacrament of marriage, of—”

“You left Madeleine in the lurch when you announced your engagement to Katie…”

Leo opened his mouth, only to quickly close it. “That’s not the same thing.”

“Bertrand knows what he’s doing,” Liam assured him. “Give this a chance. Who knows? You might be pleasantly surprised by the outcome.”

“Why couldn’t you have found me a normal rehab in Switzerland? Or, better yet, California?”

Liam couldn’t help but snort. “Because you escaped the last rehab centre that Father sent you to. In the middle of a blizzard.”

“Yes, that was certainly one of my more daring jailbreaks,” Leo admits whimsically. “But the food was terrible. I had to bail.”

“Yes, well, you are on an island this time,” Liam reminded him wryly. “And the Beaumonts have a Michelin star chef on retainer, so—”

“Yeah, yeah,” muttered Leo with a sigh. “I’m stuck here.”

“That’s the spirit!” quipped Liam with a grin, slapping his brother jovially on the arm.

Leo rolled his eyes at him.

“But in all seriousness,” Liam added. “I hope you make the most of it. And are able to patch things up with Katie.”

“Yeah…” agreed Leo with a low exhale. “I hope so, too.”

“Rough night?”

“You could say that…” Leo admitted, shuffling across the polished marble floor of the foyer.

Despite the tense start to the heart-to-heart, he had managed to make up with Liam before his brother’s departure back to the mainland. But the revelation that his own wife had been the instigator behind not only the very frightening kidnapping, but this mandated exile as well, was going to take longer to digest than the remnants of the copious amounts of alcohol he still had floating around in his system.

Dropping the magazine that she’d been casually perusing, Olivia swung her killer heel clad feet off the arm of the Chesterfield sofa she’d been lounging on, and moved to join Leo. “Need a hangover cure?”

“This is going to take more than a pair of raw eggs and some Lythikosian pepper sauce…”

She grabbed his arm to pull him to a stop. “Liam told you, didn’t he?”

Leo’s eyes met Olivia’s flashing emerald gaze, before falling to the floor. “Yes…”

The Duchess of Lythikos’ mouth hardened. “He shouldn’t have done that. It was not his place.”

“Yeah, well… The cat’s out of the bag now…” Leo grumbled, continuing his weary trudge back to his room. “That’s got to count for something, right?”

“Not really…” Olivia muttered. “Because now you’re going to fall into a chronic bout of depression, try to give yourself liver poisoning, and seriously contemplate jumping off the twelfth storey balcony, and I’m going to be the one who has to try and talk you out of it… Again.”

“Hey!” Leo objects, coming to a halt. “It wasn’t that bad! I—”

“If I hadn’t booked you on that Mediterranean cruise against your will, you’d be lying six feet deep, rather than merely lying to yourself.”

“Harsh!”

“But accurate,” Olivia replied. “Which is why I’m going to throttle our beloved King the next time I see him. He’s single handedly set you back by at least two weeks.”

“Well, considering that I’ve gotten absolutely nothing out of the first two weeks I’ve been here, I’d say we’re simply back to square one!”

“Eugh…” groans Olivia. “You Rys are going to— What’s that?”

“Ow!” cried Leo as Olivia’s blood-red nails dug suddenly into his forearm. “What the hell are you—?”

“Something’s burning…”

[chronic-claire-universe]

Ran Haitani: Why Do You Love Me?

Hello dust bunnies, it’s been a while but lately I’ve seen a collab which I thought I wanted to write for and here I am, really later but glad to give my contribute.

This is for @suyacho​ selfship’s collab and it’s totally self indulgent since these days I’m suffering a little bit more.

Warnings: Mentions of Hospitalization, Depression, Eating Disorders (Ran), Fluff Fluff Fluff

A.N: Reader is gender neutral, and they knew Ran during their medical studies residency

“I don’t understand” Rindou mumbles while his brother brags about you for the nth time, “Of course you don’t understand silly, it’s called love”, Rindou groans hearing his brother dumbness but he can’t help but keep on discovering this new side of his older brother, apparently waking up before noon, getting the first clothes he found in the closet, is a sign of apocalypse for the younger Haitani. “Love you say? Well that would explain why you’re doing something absurd like this” he gestures using his hands to explain the strange phenomen, “What do you mean by this?” Ran says lowering his sunglasses and putting his long hair to the side and looking at his brother with disappointment, “Nii-chan, you never went out without braiding your hair, you did it only when I got appendectomy and you rushed us to the hospital, are them that important?” Rindou asks with a stern look waiting for a reply, he doesn’t mean to sound rude but he doesn’t want to deal with a moody Ran when something gets wrong like it did last time. Ran approaches his little brother and huggin him he says “You grew up, I can tell that you’re concerned about the situation but don’t worry, y/n gets me the chance to be myself, Ran just Ran, your older brother, not the Ruler of Roppongi, not Ran Haitani, not the oldest Haitani Brother, do you understand now?”, Rindou nods and huggin him tighter he says, “I hope that I’ll get to know them” Ran smiles and before looking one last time to his little brother he closes the door’s apartment.

...

“y/n why do you love me?” Ran asks while licking his ice cream and smirks at your blush, “Well you don’t need to be so straightforward” you say looking at him with an angry but embarassed expression, “My little tsundere” he adds before keeping his ministrations, peppering your face with kisses and licks “Cmon I want to hear it again, please?” he continues with a sincere smile while getting his sunglasses on his head and looking at you intensely. “Why do you ask me this right now?”, Ran smiles and lowering his gaze he says “Because... I told Rindou today” your smile radiates your face and Ran can’t help but blush “He was concerned I’d get depressed and underweight again, so I told him that I could be myself with you”, you hug him remembering the first time you saw him, “Remember what I said during your stay at the hospital? Someone has to love you, and that’s what I plan to do from now on” and Ran smiles thinking that he finally found the one that can understand him from the bottom of his hearth, and he would be damn mad if he will let you out from his life, after all you’ve been both the savior for the other’s lfe.

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[borajibolala]

That's my interpretation..

I'll talk about spoilers so read at your own discretion.

To start:

I had forgotten completely that RM already performed it at one of the D-Day last shows.

So I got the experience of hearing it for the first time twice.

I consider that a bonus!

But let's get to the important part:

The day it was released I barely woke up and rushed to watch the video.

We knew it was in Letterbox (it's a movie rating platform, really cool) so the cinematography wasn't really a surprise.

I just checked and they took it out of letterbox 😭

What caught me off guard was the total absence of rapping.

I always rooted for RM to find his singing voice, but that certain part just HITS the spot.

Wow.

And the GENRE?? I wasn't expecting it at all.

It has a bit of folk with the whistle and the talking-singing, along with the chorus sounds very R&B.

Not only he is singing a whole song by himself for the first time, but he is experimenting with the genre too!!!

Hallelujah.

Major indie vibes.

And the lyrics hit me so hard too.

I forgot the hour. I don't wanna know 'bout the hour. I forgot to shower. Even washing my face seems like a waste of time.

In case you don't know, this is depression.

It was very bold and brave of him to talk so openly about it like this, thank you Joonie.

You keep making us proud.

If I ever doubted about the members ability to grow artistically, now I'm a believer.

And the cherry in this amazing cake:

The MV:

It's cinematic, it's moody, it's confusing, it's DIFFERENT.

We see RM going through different scenes where he's role changes with the room he enters.

The colors change, the light changes, the clothes change.

In the beginning we see him in a party looking apathetic.

Disconnected.

A drunk man offers him a cigarette twice and he refuses (which reminds me of that one picture that was posted on Instagram).

We see him walk in and out of rooms looking confused.

In one of the rooms, he is even in a baby bed! Probably my favorite part.

Do you see something familiar?

Eventually he comes across a young woman that seems to be another version of him.

From then on, he looks changed, at ease.

He looks like he's finally the

right person in the right place

A friend having fun at the party.

A husband brushing teeth with his family.

A baby playing with his parents

And a boyfriend talking to a girlfriend.

I think this MV could have a lot of different meanings.

But the feeling like an outsider and running around, the apathetic look, the being misunderstood (in the fight with his girl) and then finally smiling and going back at peace....

It seems like making peace with the past, making peace with the old self.

It's ok to disappoint people sometimes.

The scene as a baby in the crib with the parents, the scene with the angry girlfriend made me think about that. Read expectations and disappointment.

"My kid will be this, my kid will do that"

"You promised this, you lied about that"

It might take time for us to understand life and ourselves, but when we are finally ready for it is liberating.

You don't have to be, you don't have to be the anything you see

He was free to simply be a baby for his parents.

The present is the party, he's thinking about his childhood and past (and future?) relationship but he's not living in the moment, at least he wasn't in the beginning.

I am rewatching Suchwita and RM says that his dream is to live more in the moment:

While interviewing Jin, Suga also brought back a conversation between him and Jin that happened while they were recording the first In The Soup:

Those are obvious things, in theory it's easy to understand. But when it comes to real life it's just different.

Without being careful we get caught up in moments, regrets, feeling overwhelmed.

The girl he meets in the end could represent many things: himself, his inner peace, happiness, army or spring.

As he mentions in the lyrics:

spring always been here, I will sleep in her eyes

That scene represents meeting a good friend, having a laugh, letting the weight off your shoulders.

And I just noticed the sunlight moving in the room representing the passage of time, interesting. That could mean how we lose track of time when with the right people, but it could also mean something else that I don't know.

He might be referencing Army, as spring day is such a loved song in the fandom.

What makes me think he might be talking about army is the lyrics too.

You are my pain, divine.

We know this life, although very beautiful, isn't always easy to BTS.

Along with all the prizes and support comes expectations.

I like to think this could be Namjoon making peace with his love for music, army and fame.

I see you come back to me.

That's what I could think on my own.

The references

I saw armys pointing there were references to the other members in the video:

The video starts in a party with people drinking - Jimin (Like Crazy)

Namjoon is sitting beside a couple kissing - V (Friends)

He enters a room where his girlfriend is mad at him - JK (Seven)

He is in a crib with a snoop plushie - Jhope

And the tangerine - Suga

? -Jin

There was also this theme of doors representing a different reality, and I guess this is very on brand with BTS as their logo represents a door. Yoongi also used a door in his Amygdala MV. The final door he passes also has a purple shine for a second.

All in all, I love the MV.

Once again RM is flexing his sexy brain in his art for our delight.

Stay happy and healthy, Joonie.

Love ya.

[yo-yo-yeonkai]

TO MY ANGEL, ARE YOU WATCHING? - HUENING KAI - SFW

Kai x reader

Genre: angst

Warning list: big ANGST! major character death, mentions of depression, if you squint your eyes ideas of suicide, mention of : hospital, blood, sickness, not proof read!

Word count: 1,080

Summary: Kai can’t be with you anymore, those chances had long passed, but can he see you and read those letters you send him?

Authors note: This was inspired by a piece I read recently by @mazeinthemoon called [6:27pm], which I highly recommend!!!

Dear Kai,

I’m not sure if you still look down on me, I haven’t felt your presence in so long, it’s been a bit lonely without you here. The house feels empty now, and it’s not like you ever left your room anyway. You stayed burrowed up in there, so I’d have to come join you if I wanted attention. I hope you knew I loved you, it’s too late to tell you now.

I regret it, not telling you whilst you were here, but I’m sure you already knew. The way you’d text me and tell me to come to your room, only for it to be lit up with fairy lights, a fort made in the middle and once we entered the cosiest bed for us to watch movies on. You brought all my favourite snacks, you let me pick the movies, I think you even tried to hold my hand. I’m sorry I got nervous and pulled away, I should’ve just let you hold it whilst you could. Was that a date? To me it was…

I have a new confession now Kai. I haven’t felt this way in such a long time. I did get better since you left, I promise. I’m not sick anymore, but, today I feel it. I feel the way it used to feel.

I don’t feel excited, suddenly everything I’ve ever loved feels bland. As if I took a picture and put a horribly monochrome filter on. My hobbies, are a dull grey, no longer a sparking silver. It doesn’t light up my days, nor does it make me feel like I’m living.

My voice can’t even raise in tone, I’ve tried, it just stays at a continuous monotone. No more inflections as I get excited, no more shouting as I get angry, no, I’m not even sure I felt anything but bland today. Even my emotions are mono, is this even real right now? My face doesn’t lift in a smile, doesn’t frown with disappointment, I have held a straight face for longer than I’d like. I wish you were here to make me smile… you’d probably make that dumb Pokémon noise you always replicated, I’d always whine but you knew I loved it, that’s why it always came flying out of your mouth the second I had a bad day.

Isn’t it weird that people are alive. Like, I’m living my life and you aren’t, you were stolen from me, ripped away too soon, it’s just not fair. Don’t you think? Sometimes I wish it had been the other way around, but I know that’s not possible.

I’ve been better for awhile, I’ve taken care of myself, even tried to go further than just being alive, I tried to LIVE, but I’m not great at that. Ever since i made that mistake at work, my life has consumed me, everything felt overwhelming. Like I was drowning in all the endless pain I left behind me. It came back for me when I least expected it. Can you protect me from it Kai? Can you be my angel?

Who am I kidding… I don’t want you to spend your afterlife worrying about me as well, do what you want to do, live the best you can up there. I’d cry if you thought about me the way I thought about you. In fact, I hope you forgot about me, it would hurt, but I could take it if I knew you were happy.

I used to say that health was a lie… that’s because i get sick with a click of my fingers. Now I mean that both mentally and physically. Our friends must think I chuck myself down the stairs each morning with how much physical pain I come to school with.

“What’s wrong today?”

How did they know I was in pain? Oh yes, that’s right, I’m always in pain. Can I catch a break please…

“I have a terrible pain in my stomach”

Do you remember that I actually had that pain for months and it got so bad sometimes that I missed days and days of school. You took me to the doctors because I hate them, they took my blood, but there was nothing wrong with me that they could find. So I was on medication for awhile, but it didn’t help so I got taken off it. The pain comes back sometimes. The worst bit is when my lecturers ask why I wasn’t in, and I have to explain it’s been the same pain since last month. They must think I’m a liar, I see it in their eyes. You told me I was being dramatic, but I know I wasn’t…

But when you fell sick I suddenly realised that anything I went through was just a silly bug, a little thing that would go away. You… you were suffering, true pain, true agony. I wish I could’ve done something, even ease your pain, but I couldn’t. You wouldn’t even let me stay in the hospital with you like I had wanted to. You told me “Go home, keep it warm so when I get back I won’t be cold”. You died that evening, when I was making your bed, trying to convince myself you’d be home soon. It was a lie I told myself, I knew you wouldn’t be coming home, but I didn’t think it would be so soon.

Do you know what it’s like to have your heart ripped from your chest? I imagine you felt a similar pain as your life was coming to an end, that’s how I felt when the nurse called me. She had plunged her hand into my heart and tugged it out with ease, as if my heart knew it was about to be crushed. I wish you were here to make that stupid noise once again… maybe then I’d stop feeling sick, but you aren’t.

I promise this feeling won’t continue, I’ll stay strong Kai, I know you’d want me to. I’ll even go on a walk tomorrow, and try walk it off. You always told me I should get out more. But you aren’t one to talk are you….

Perhaps I should stop sending you these letters, but how can I… when I can’t let go of you. The second I stop, is the second you truly die, because you’ll be a forgotten star, and you could never be that to me.

,Forever the dumbass roommate that fell in love with you…

[raccoon-eyed-rebel]

You deserve it

Masterlist

A/N: I'm struggling, and I need a fucking hug. So I wrote this. It's probably fucking terrible but I need a fictional surrogate boyfriend to shower me with affection right now, because the real one is halfway across the country. Okay. Exquisitely self-indulgent hurt/comfort with tooth-rotting fluff.

Pairing: Mike (Hellraiser) x reader (you)

Summary: You're feeling like shit, and Mike helps you feel less like shit. That's it. That's the plot.

Word count: 1.4k

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort. Depression/ anxiety/ general really bad fucking day having reader, suicidal thoughts/ intrusive thoughts. I mention a boner once.

@geralts-yenn @deandoesthingstome @keanureevesisbae @fvckinghenrycavill @ellethespaceunicorn @peaches1958 @sillyrabbit81

“Babe I’m having a really shit day, okay?” You hate doing this. Cancelling plans last-minute is the worst under normal circumstances, but you really wanted to see this movie tonight with Mike. “You can go by yourself, it’s fine. Or take someone else. I’m just going to bed.”

“Alright, babe. Text me when you wake up, okay?” He’s so sweet. You really don’t deserve him. Then again, you don’t deserve anything. Yeah, to lay in bed, completely worn out from doing nothing, unable to move (because why the fuck not?) and hungry because you haven’t eaten all day – that involves moving, and as previously established: you can’t. Plus, even if you weren’t tired and glued to your bed, he’d probably have a better time hanging out with someone who isn’t depressed and horrible. And that rules you out.

You’re on the verge of falling asleep. Actually, you’ve been on the verge of falling asleep for weeks. It just doesn’t happen. So, like all those other times you wished there was a poison apple or cursed spinning wheel nearby, you just lay in bed with your eyes closed, curled up into a ball and trying to ignore the crushing weight of your overflowing to do list and the guilt over bailing on your boyfriend. It’s probably only a matter of time before he runs off with someone cuter, thinner, and more alive than you, anyway.

The door opens. The noise doesn’t make you turn around. In fact, absolutely nothing would make you turn around. Keanu Reeves in your doorway wouldn’t make you respond at this point, and Lord knows that’s saying something. You’re just done.

Whoever it is that’s in your doorway and likely isn’t Keanu Reeves, walks into your room. Honestly, if this is a murderer, good. No one would complain. It’s probably just your roommate, though. Massive disappointment.

“Sadie, just go please,” you sigh as you pull the comforter tighter around your shoulders. The unidentified intruder reaches your bed, and a bag drops to the floor with a loud thud and the suspicious crinkling and cracking of... Food wrappers? You freeze when this person sits on your bed – but they don’t stop there; they actually get into bed with you, which means it’s definitely not your roommate. This still doesn’t make you move, and you almost laugh at how completely fucked up a reaction that is.

“Guess again.” Mikey. It’s Mikey. You hadn’t even considered that possibility. How on Earth did you consider ‘murderer’ before ‘boyfriend’? But why is he here? He’s supposed to go to the movies and have fun, and leave you here until you’re ready to crawl out of this ditch of horribleness. You don’t want him here with you.

“Why aren’t you at the movies?” You ask timidly. He’s wrapping his arms around you and you’re resisting that, trying to think of the best and quickest way to send him packing. “Mikey, please leave. I need to be alone.”

“No.” What? What, ‘no’? “You want to be alone.”

“Yeah, same diff. Leave me alone, Mike. I want you to fuck off and go see the movie without me, and you just leave me here. Okay?” This fucking hurts. You don’t want to shut him out, but you can’t help it right now. Nothing feels right, you’re a mess, and no one needs to see you like this.

“No. Not okay. I’m not leaving.” He sounds angry. Annoyed, at least. And he’s right to be angry. You’re being horrible to him when he’s just trying to be nice. But you don’t want him trying to be nice to you right now. He’s probably only offering to stay because he feels he has to, or some shit.

“But you really want to see that movie.”

“Yeah, Sweetcheeks, I do. I really want to see that movie.” He sighs impatiently. “With you. I’m not watching it without you, so drop it. If we can’t go today, we’ll wait until we can. And if it’s not in theatres anymore by that time, we’ll rent it, or stream it or whatever, but I’m not watching that movie if you’re not next to me. Now stop being stubborn and let me hold you.”

There are tears in your eyes now, because of his little speech, and you’ve actually turned around in his – very persistent – arms.

“Hi, Sweetcheeks,” he says as he smiles down at you. “I’m happy to see your face.” As hard as it is for you to believe that, you can see in his eyes that he’s not lying.

Mike bends his head to kiss you, but you stop him.

“Baby,” he whines, but you shake your head.

“I haven’t brushed my teeth in days,” you admit. Heat surges through your cheeks, and it feels as if someone is sticking a million needles in them. The severely lacking ability to take care of yourself is one of your least favorite parts of this whole depression business. Not that the rest is a walk in the park, but being near Mike in your current gross state is embarrassing and horrible.

“Sweetcheeks, I don’t give a damn.” He kisses you hard, so hard that you are starting to think he’s doing this to make a point. “I’m crazy about you. All of you. And I’m still crazy about you when you’re like this. Although I wish you didn’t feel so shitty.” He moves off the bed again, dragging you to the edge of it as he goes along, where he scoops you up into his arms.

“What are you doing?” you ask as he carries you to the bathroom. Mikey sets you down on the toilet – the only place to comfortably sit in here – and starts to unbutton the flannel pajama shirt you have on.

“I don’t have the ener...” Mike interrupts you with another kiss as he keeps undressing you. He never tries anything, not even when he sees your boobs – although he does grin appreciatively for a second. You let him drag you into the shower, because by now you’ve figured out that resisting him is no use, anyway.

“Can you hold it together for maybe ten minutes until I get back?” He turns on the water, risking the clothes he’s still wearing. You nod.

“Mikey?” He turns around when he hears you call him. “Can you hand me my toothbrush?” Small steps, right?

When he comes back, he strips and joins you in the shower. Standing up was a hassle, so you’re sitting on the floor. He sits down behind you, with his legs on either side, and pulls your back into his chest. Mike helps you wash your hair, and your body, still not trying anything, even though he clearly has a boner from touching you all over. That doesn’t change when he dries you off and helps you into a pair of fresh pajamas.

“How do you feel?” Mike says when he wraps you up into the millionth hug.

“Better,” you say, avoiding his eyes. Yeah, taking a shower helps. It makes you feel better. But you just couldn’t do the thing. Why couldn’t you just do the stupid, silly little thing?

“Good,” Mike says, “let’s get to the rest of the evening.” He takes your hand and drags you back to your room.

“Jesus! Mike! You didn’t have to do that!” There are new sheets on your bed, and your pillows are piled in the corner, together with every stuffed animal you own, and several soft blankets. Ten minutes alone in the shower, and your boyfriend builds you a nest. It’s so sweet that you don’t even allow yourself to be embarrassed that you couldn’t change your sheets yourself.

“I wanted to. Because I wanna spend the whole night with you, watching movies, and cuddling. I brought snacks.” He looks kind of nervous when he says it. “Got you chocolate. Your favorite. But I’ll still go if you want to be alo-” The last syllable disappears into your mouth when you kiss him.

“Thank you, Mikey,” you say, no longer able to keep the tears from falling.

“You’re welcome. You deserve it.”