#which on the one hand seems like it may lead to being more objective

[deeplovelydark]

tags by @bijoumikhawal

this all tracks but like. soooo interesting to me

[myfictionaldreams]

Day 30: Freeuse - Winter Soldier

Summary: He was your patient. You were in charge of making sure all of his needs were met, no matter what they were.

Warnings/Tags: 18+ readers only, smut, non-consensual elements, dubious content, freeuse, discussion of injuries, violence, masturbation, fingering, voyeurism, exhibitionism, stalking (kinda), possessive

masterlist 📚 

kinktober masterlist😈 

AO3 Link 

He was your priority. Hydra had recruited you with the hopes of creating an experiment to see if anyone could be trained to look after the assassin frozen in a Cyrogentic state. You were trained and kept underground to be the lead carer and doctor for the Winter Soldier. He was yours to look after, physically and mentally. After each mission you sent him on, he’d return and give you the reports. Most importantly, you were always the first face he’d see before and after being on the ice.

The Soldier would answer to you and Alexander Pierce, but even that was touchy sometimes as he would look to you before answering Pierces’ questions as if he was asking for permission to talk. 

What’s more, is that you knew who he was outside of his assassin's status. James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes, born in 1917, was the best friend to the one and only Captain America, Steve Rogers, who was currently alive, having been found in the ice and unbeknown to him, his best friend was also alive with similar super solider serum pumping through his veins. Steve was Bucky’s potential saviour; one day, you hoped to be there when this could become a reality; however, currently, you were watched so closely by everyone in Hydra that you’d not even been able to contemplate a plan as to how to break him out. Until then, he was your priority, keeping him out of harm's way as much as possible.

Alexander Pierce had given you strict instructions to adhere to every single need that may affect or alter the soldier's performance as the ghostly assassin. At first, you just assumed it was to feed him, wash, cut his hair, make sure he was healthy and metal arm was working to its best ability. But the basic human need for the Winter Soldier ran deeper than that, causing your role as his doctor and carer to be blurred and something more developed.

The longer he was out of the ice, the more you would notice his increasing frustrations that couldn’t be erased with a simple afternoon in the gym or sparring with other guards. There were even days when no one could calm him down, his aggression so high that he had to be sedated if you were not available to talk to him.

For example, there was once a day when you were actually off of the unit, in your new flat, having just been granted the allowance to live there when Rumlow came knocking on your door. He only gave you the courtesy of putting on your shoes before gripping your upper arm and dragging you to the office.

When you arrived, the rooms were in disarray. Equipment smashed, blood and unconscious bodies trying to be aided too. It was a mess, and you were more nearly barging down the door to get to him, shouting for the guards to stand down and leave him to you. Yes, he was a highly trained assassin, but with the trust he held in you, there was no way he would intentionally harm you.

The underground room had no windows, which you were thankful for as they would have been destroyed in his rampage. You were only dressed in your joggers and a vest top, trainers already marked with red streaks from the puddles you’d walked through. It felt like your heart would escape your mouth with how erratic it was pounding in your chest as you tried to take in his appearance.

The shirt he had previously been wearing was now ripped to shreds on the floor. The tactical trousers had tears throughout but still seemed to be held together enough that he was indecent, and combat boots that gleamed with smudges where he’d been kicking objects and people. Each of his knuckles were busted in their own way. The flesh hand was cut, and the metal fist was red with other people's blood.

You’d not seen him become this erratic since he’d been out of his cryogenic state for too long, and his memories began to return to him as he questioned his entire existence. Whereas for this example, he’d only been defrosted for several days and shouldn’t have had any cognitive issues.

Stepping closer with your hands raised to show you meant no threat, you asked in a clear, concise voice, “Soldier? Where is the threat?”

His height seemed to tower over yours, more so than usual, as he turned his deathly glare towards you. The hulking muscles of his shoulders heaved with each breath he took as if he was out of breath, which was a rare occasion as he could run for miles and continue to breathe steadily, unaffected by the strenuous exercise. Your question was supposed to help identify what his issue was, hoping he’d find you being there to create a safe space for him, but the angry charge of his massive body had you flinching back in shock.

The warm hand of his wrapped around your throat, using the momentum of his steps to push you back up against the wall. Your hands remained up, even though you were itching to tear at his wrist to relieve some pressure. He wasn’t squeezing hard enough that you were struggling to breathe, but it was still uncomfortable and unnerving.

Your mind was working on overdrive, trying to think of a way to ease the stress he was going through. Your eyes searched over his body, starting with his head and face, but there were only minor scratches and grazes from the fights. Lower your eyes explore his arms and chest until they halted, seeing something that had never been through your consideration.

His tactical pants were tented, showing the outline of his hard-on, raging just as violently as the blue of his eyes. Was this the issue of his anger? The soldier shifted his stance, hand twitching towards his crotch like he was going to move himself to be more comfortable, but stopped as he watched you closely.

Alexander Pierce had once told you that whatever the Soldier wanted or needed, you were to give it to him to ensure that he was performing to his best abilities. You cursed to yourself quietly, unsure if this was even plausible or right to do. Of course, it wasn’t right to do. He was a prisoner in his own body, but you were his doctor, and you had a job to do.

“It’s okay. I know what will help you. I’ll show you how to get rid of the pain; I won’t touch you, I promise”.

From there, you were able to explain anatomy, the ache throbbing through his abdomen and how he could relieve himself. He did. Right there in front of you, his pants by his knees and cock in hand until he came on your shoes.

You didn’t so much as blink or flinch at the action. He didn’t understand that it wasn't appropriate to cum on someone's shoes or to masturbate in a somewhat public scenario. It calmed him down enough that you could push him back onto a chair and fix the injuries that were already mostly healed.

These situations only continued to escalate, which occurred more often than not. However, the Winter Soldier only touched himself when you were around, and you were unsure if it was because you made him feel safe or for other reasons that Rumlow liked to hiss in your ear, saying that the deadly assassin had a crush on his favourite doctor.

You blew it off as gossip and nasty rumours, unprofessional at most.

This only lasted for a few months before you noticed the changes in the Soldier, and it all came to a head one night as he turned up at your apartment after a mission. You hadn’t even told him your address, and he wasn’t due back from the mission for another 24 hours, but there he was, at the end of the bed, having snuck through the window as you were halfway through having some intimate time yourself.

Your fingers were between your legs, eyes closed, and your head tipped back, not covering your moans as you didn’t think you’d need to as you were living by yourself. The assassin watched, confusion causing his brows to furrow, head tilted to the side as his fists clenched. 

The look on your face was one he’d never seen before, and he noticed the anatomy was different to his. Of course, he was aware that not everyone had the same genitals as his, but it hadn’t crossed his mind that it could be touched like this.

The only time you were aware of his presence was when the bed dipped, your eyes snapping open and legs closing as you released an almighty scream that caused the Soldier to flinch.

“Mine”, he muttered under his breath, grabbing your ankle and dragging you closer.

“What? Soldier, what are you doing here? When did you- please stop” he paused his attempts to drag you closer as he was half crawling over your body. You were trying to remain calm, but he was acting so possessive, and why was he even here? How did he get in?

“Mine”, he repeated above you again, eyes trained between your legs.

You were at a loss for words, feeling both confused and safe simultaneously, even with someone as dangerous as this. The night was one that definitely crossed the line for professionalism.

The Winter Soldier was so interested in your masturbation and different genitals that he practically begged you to continue, shouting mine and gazing at your intimate area until you continued.

You came, and then the Soldier unbuckled his belt and ejaculated over your stomach, and this was the turning point of the relationship. Your job now seemed to be a half doctor, half a sexual release. Masturbation escalated into hands in underwear until there was no point holding back the restraint, and the two of you were fucking.

It was challenging to wrap your head around, especially when the two of you were in the work environment, but if it was what he wanted and needed that you were more than happy to be face pushed into the wall, trousers and underwear by your ankles and cock shoving so far into your cunt that you saw stars.

The most significant issue was that, even though none of the workers commented on it, they all knew the sex was occurring. Mainly because the Winter Soldier didn’t seem to understand that this was supposed to be something that was for ‘behind closed doors’ and out of view of the guards and other doctors. To him, if he was to push you over the table and whisper “mine”, then this was enough warning that he wanted to fuck, even if you were unfathomably embarrassed that your coworkers had to watch you coming undone to the man they were all looking after.

The worst time had to have been when Alexander Pierce came strolling into the ‘jail’ they kept the Soldier in during his downtime. Multiple guards were surrounding him, and three doctors in lab coats were working tirelessly around the room. You’d been in there for hours. Warm, tired and ready to eat whatever take-out you could encounter on the drive home later that night.

With Pierces’ presence, however, your posture straightened, and you tried to remain as professional as possible. This was a feat easier said than done as The Soldier eyed you from across the room, staring with his unblinking glare. Eventually, he pushed past Pierce, the guards all raising their guns expecting a fight, but there was none to have as the metal fingers of his specially made hand eased into the front of your work trousers, plain underwear and pushed into your cunt.

“What are you doing?! Now is not the time and place- Ah fuck!”. There was nothing other than a hand over your mouth that could have stopped the moan pitching from your lips as his thumb circled your clit. You’d not been at all aroused, but he had learned enough about your body to know the exact way to stimulate your bundle of nerves and curl his fingers inside of you to stroke that beautiful spot that had you whimpering without any restraint.

As he pleasured you in front of all your colleagues, there was nothing you could do but painfully grip on to his metal forearm. He didn’t even smile or mutter a single word as he made you orgasm with a knee-buckling euphoria. It seemed he was just in the mood to hear your whines as he turned around and sat back in front of Pierce, who was looking between the two of you.

“It seems things have changed through here. I’m glad you have been able to … satisfy the Asset by any means necessary”.

You tried not to visibly cringe with the way he had worded it as you tried to straighten your clothes and continue with the work you had been completing before. Nothing further was thankfully said as he was given his next mission, and you were left to continue working for a further three hours with underwear that was utterly soaked due to his wandering fingers.

[shegatsby]

Love Thy Enemy

Summary; Y/N Atreides had always been a stranger to the entire galaxy, her bed wasn’t her bed, her home wasn’t her home due to the fact that she was sent to accompany and be sisters with Irulan. She had limited access to her actual family and over the years they grew distant. She thought she would be like Reverend Mother, alone, yet powerful, and soon she would realize that there was no need of being alone when a wild creature had his eyes on her for a long time.

A/N; Couldn't wait, I had to post it lol. I hope you'll like it. Sorry for any typos. TAG LIST IS OPEN!!!!!! (Reader has a lover and Feyd's going to find out lol 😉😉😉) Don't forget to leave a comment.

Warnings; None. Female Bene Gesserit Reader x Feyd-Rautha, enemies to lovers! reader is reffered to as she/her.

Words; 2.417K

Chapter 3

Chapter Two ‘’Forcibles’’

The boy with pure eyes had grown into a tall muscular man with menace in his orbits. ‘’May I?’’ he asked not leaving his gaze from Pyramus, it wasn’t a request, it was an order and Pyramus who was coming from a small house couldn’t say no. Without a word he let go of Y/N, she felt empty. She was about to object, maybe excuse herself to rest but Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen acted quickly, like a snake he placed his hand on the small of her back and held her hand, she had no choice but to place her hand on his tense shoulder. His eyes so blue, ‘’How long has it been?’’ he asked, his boy voice was gone and classical Harkonnen tone made its home. Manly. ‘’I truly don’t remember.’’ She replied with a flat tone, couldn’t do anything but let him lead the dance. It had been only a minute and Y/N had every information she needed;

Predator

Dominant

Show off

His grip was strong, maybe he was sending a clear message to other houses. Y/N didn’t want to care but her Bene Gesserit training made it impossible not to care. ‘’You wound me.’’ He mocked. He was much taller than Pyramus. She had to look up to meet his icy blue gaze. Y/N noticed the looks they got, a Harkonnen is dancing with an Atreides…. Outrageous.

‘’I see you become a witch like your mother.’’ His tongue was a whip, was he trying to get a reaction out of her?

‘’I’ve heard you become a beast.’’ She was quick to answer, she felt the grip on her back tightened. Did she stroke a nerve? Good.

‘’If we were in Giedi Prime I would have your tongue.’’ He was amused and it made her more angry, ‘’Proves my point.’’

She noticed Irulan and Paul’s questioning look, they seemed shocked and concerned for Y/N. She gave them a small smile.

She felt like a black cobra snake swallowing her whole, Feyd-Rautha made sure to press her close to him, he wasn’t gentle like Pyramus, she looked but couldn’t see him, ‘’Looking for someone?’’ he sounded annoyed, Y/N heard how his mood changes quickly and she didn’t have time for an ugly scene. ‘’My friends. I assume you’re not familiar with the concept.’’ She thought maybe detesting Harkonnens were genetic. Feyd laughed hard which attracted stares around them, they were mostly concerned for Y/N Atreides. Up close, for a split second she saw that innocent boy but he disappeared.

The music ended and she excused herself, before she left Na-Baron grabbed her wrist, she turned in shock, what was he doing? He leaned and pressed a kiss on the back of her hand, the kiss felt so soft she couldn’t believe it was coming from Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen. She bowed in courtesy and got away from his grip, she could feel his icy blue orbits on her back, stabbing her.

Irulan came to chat with her, ‘’What was that about?’’ Irulan didn’t want to attract any unwanted attention but she wasn’t the only one who witnessed that. ‘’What do you mean?’’ Y/N asked drinking her champagne, cold liquid made her more relaxed, ‘’Feyd-Rautha ate you with his eyes.’’ Irulan signed with her hands, didn’t want pointy ears to hear. ‘’He is an intense man. That’s all.’’ She signed back.

The night was too long for Y/N’s liking. Since she was a lady she had to stand by her family and talk to other houses about spice, politics, etc. She needed some air.

Y/N chose a balcony at the back, front ones were occupied, she inhaled deeply, her hands on the stone railings, ‘’Here you are.’’ Pyramus’s soft voice made her calm. They hugged, he immediately tried to kiss her but Y/N had to be careful, she moved her head and Pyramus’s thin lips landed on her cheek. He huffed in annoyance, ‘’How long we have to hide in the shadows?’’ he loved to whine. ‘’Soon I shall tell my family.’’ Y/N kept mustering up her courage and loosing it the last minute. It wasn’t going to be easy. Pyramus held her hands, ‘’Be mine, they can’t say anything then.’’

‘’I’m already yours.’’ She was confused,

‘’Be mine… fully.’’ His dark eyes looking for answers. ‘’Oh,’’ Y/N understood. ‘’I don’t know. We should head back.’’ She changed the topic. Before she could leave Pyramus didn’t let go of her hands, ‘’Think about it, please.’’

Y/N Atreides could hear the whispers; ‘’Did you see?’’

‘’Poor girl.’’

‘’They seemed a perfect match, how odd.’’

‘’Na-Baron seems interested…’’

She only held her head high, pretended like she was deaf. Long night came to an end, she felt so tired running from unwanted company, the Harkonnen boy. Her father had to talk to them, Y/N managed to ignore them.

Tossing and turning in her bed with questions in her busy mind she bolted to her feet. The palace was quiet, guests were fast asleep. Y/N wanted to talk to someone, someone who would understand.. she wore her white satin robe and left her bed chamber. Her family were staying at the guest wing, she knew Paul would be awake. Her footsteps echoed in the empty halls, glowglobes were on the walls, giving a dim light to the corridors, her Bene Gesserit training made her stop, someone was following her, she calmed her mind.

‘’Why so hasty?’’ a rough voice echoed behind her back. She turned to face the owner of the voice. Feyd-Rautha.

‘’I could ask you the same thing, my Na-Baron.’’ Her heart beat got faster as he approached hands in his back. His manner was predatory, observing his prey. His tunic was thin and loose, ‘’Why are you wandering so late at night, little dove?’’ pet name made her blood rise but she had to keep her calm. ‘’I don’t see why it is-‘’ he was circling her now, ‘’your business.’’ Feyd came to stop in front of her which made her look up to meet his eyes. He liked having the height advantage, he could sense her fear, so delicious. ‘’Witches and their secrets…’’ he leaned and whispered to her face, his breath hot. Y/N wanted to run away and hide from him but something in her told her that no matter what he would find her.

‘’I’m good at revealing secrets.’’ His left hand rose, his forefinger tracing her arm covered in satin, both of them felt the electricity. His eyes travelled on her chest and find their place on her eyes again. ‘’How is Pyramus?’’

Y/N had to be extremely careful, or her house’s honor could be at stake. ‘’I don’t know what you’re talking about Na-baron.’’ Her tone flat yet Feyd noticed her posture change. As if she was going into a trial by combat. Deep down he wondered how would it feel to be loved like this, he could feel the rise of jealousy… a member of an insignificant house could achieve her love so easily? No. he would not allow it. A sinister plan ran in his dark mind.

She wanted to wipe that arrogant smile on his face, ‘’I shall bid you good night.’’ With that she headed back to her room. Whenever she wanted to open up about Pyramus something would stop her…

When the morning came with its shiny sun and fresh smell of flowers she was having breakfast with her family. Padishah Emperor Shaddam made majority of the house leave and announced that after breakfast he would announce his decision.

‘’You seem upset my love, is everything all right?’’ Duke Leto asked gently, she hadn’t touched the food on her golden plate, she looked around, no one but her family. ‘’I’m in love with someone.’’ She unraveled, feeling the years of burden leaving her delicate shoulders. Leto and Paul were smiling but her mother’s face didn’t move a muscle. ‘’Who is the lucky gentleman?’’ Leto asked, ‘’Pyramus, from house-‘’

Jessica cut her short, ‘’That house?! Have you lost your mind?’’ Jessica knew that Reverend Mother had something else planned for Y/N. Bene Gesserit has been working for this union for years. ‘’Let’s not lose our temper.’’ Leto warned Jessica with a calm tone. ‘’They are a small house, it is true. If he is good enough for my daughter he is good enough for us.’’ He finished. ‘’Excuse me.’’ Everyone thought Jessica was leaving in anger but she was about to send a message to Reverend Mother an change the whole course of Y/N’s future.

Harkonnens were having breakfast together, Feyd-Rautha was so fed up with his obese uncle’s eating that he lost his appetite. Rabban was in his normal self, quiet and tense. ‘’I wonder who will be the princess’s husband.’’ Rabban said curiously, was he hoping? Feyd-Rautha was seated away from them, watching them like a hawk. He knew well that Shaddam would never take that risk, to send his one and only daughter to the hellhole called Giedi Prime? Not in a million years. ‘’One way or another he has to satisfy us.’’ Their uncle spoke with full mouth, Feyd had to look away, he could feel his bile coming up to his throat. He drank his wine to suppress. ‘’What do you think uncle?’’ Rabban asked, he kept trying to impress their uncle and failed miserably. Baron’s fat fingers were shiny with the bacon’s juice he was eating, ‘’I believe we won’t leave until we get something.’’

Their Mentat Piter de Vrives knocked on the door and walked in, ‘’My Baron, Emperor is expecting you and your nephews to the throne room.’’

Baron laughed, ‘’We shall be there.’’

The throne room was packed with lords and ladies that remained, including Reverend Mother Helen. Y/N didn’t remember seeing her last night’s ball. Strange. Y/N Atreides and her family arrived early, Padishah Emperor Shaddam spoke with her father Duke Leto in private. Behind the golden throne there was a door which opened to a small room where Shaddam’s office took place. When Duke Leto came back his face held grim, he refused to look at anyone but the Emperor, was that resentment? Emperor was seated on his golden throne which had colorful ornaments, on his right much smaller and silver throne was placed and Irulan was sitting on it. Looking like a statue, she was a strong woman. Reverend Mother was at Shaddam’s left, whispering into his ear. She was covered in black, just like Harkonnens.

Y/N noticed how old Shaddam got, every child at one point in their lives come to the realization of their parents’ old age. Emperor was a second father to her, a sudden whip to her heart she focused her eyes on the floor to prevent herself from crying. In order to keep her racing mind busy she looked around to see the remained houses. Pyramus was right there, she waved at her and Y/N waved back. He had a colorful suit, just like his personality. Pyramus and other low class houses were on the left side of the room, other old and powerful houses were on the right. Everyone watched the way Harkonnens entered, they were the last one to arrive. Baron Vladimir was a man of show off, he loved to show his power given any chance. Baron was at the front, Rabban and Feyd following behind, when Y/N saw Feyd-Rautha, her mind immediately went to last night’s events.

‘’Does he know me and Pyramus?’’ to be the first one to reveal the secret she had to tell it to her family this morning but she wasn’t sure anymore. All day Pyramus was after her asking how they reacted, she felt overwhelmed.

She wanted to be brave so Y/N watched them stand close to Atreides, Feyd-Rautha wasn’t shy of eye contact, as usual he was wearing his black suit, with his boots he looked much taller. Y/N watched him eye her up and down, she was wearing a dark blue dress, her arms and neck covered in dark blue laces, her head was tightly rounded like a ball on her head, a thin silver tiara was placed. She kept her posture high, she wasn’t going to shrink because of a Harkonnen, even though Feyd looked as if he could disintegrate her with his shiny blue eyes.

Shaddam rose to his feet, his regal robe sweeping the floor, ‘’Thank you for waiting so patiently,’’ everyone were focused, eager to hear his decision. ‘’I have decided that it was due time to choose a life partner for my one and only daughter. After last night I have consulted my daughter Irulan and the young gentleman that I choose is,’’ Y/N could feel the tension in the room, she slightly observed the room and Shaddam’s subjects were focused on him but one person. Feyd-Rautha, his snake eyes kept finding Y/N. Why did he look like he knew something that Y/N didn’t?

‘’Paul Atreides, from house Atreides.’’ Applauses could be heard, Y/N got positive energy from them last night so she wasn’t wrong. Irulan was her sister and Paul her brother, she knew that they would make each other happy. Paul walked to princes Irulan to kiss her hand. ‘’The wedding shall happen tomorrow.’’ The applauses died down, ‘’If you have no objections or requests you may be dismissed.’’ Shaddam announced, Y/N couldn’t wait to be left alone with Irulan and listen every detail.

‘’Emperor!’’ a man’s strong voice echoed in the throne room, ‘’I have a request.’’ Y/N turned to see Feyd-Rautha leaving his spot and slowly approaching to stand in the middle of the room, ‘’Come forth young Harkonnen.’’

Y/N had a bad feeling, this whole thing look staged, she turned to see her family’s reaction. Duke Leto, again, trying so hard to avoid her, Lady Jessica smiled at her. Y/N was puzzled, ‘’This is for the best.’’ She signed to her daughter.

Feyd-Rautha did what Shaddam said, before he knelt in front of the Emperor he gave a last look to her.

‘’What is it that you request?’’ Shaddam’s calmness irritated Y/N.

‘’Since you raised her as one of your own it is best to ask your permission,’’ Feyd paused to get more reaction from his spectators, his head was down but after that pause he tilted his head and look into Shaddam’s eyes. Shaddam had never seen such power in a young boy before. Baron did a great job.

‘’I demand Lady Y/N Atreides’s hand in marriage.’’

TAG LIST;

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@mamawiggers1980

@landlockedmermaid77

@moonsoulk

@crystalskiesandcherrywine

Thank you for reading. :)

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

I really want the show to go into more detail about Husk's backstory as an overlord, partly because I feel like it's something the fandom is kinda glossing over and partly because it's lowkey one of the biggest obstacles that a Husk/Angel relationship would have into overcome.

'Loser Baby' emphasises the similarities between Angel and Husk's situations, but it also (probably deliberately, since Husk is the one leading it) brushes aside one of the most major differences between them.

Namely that when Husk tells Angel that he's not the only one who sold his soul, he's not just singing about himself.

Husk sold his soul to Alastor, yeah (or lost it at least, which amounts to the same thing), but he also traded in souls. He was that “psychopathic freak”, and was operating fro long enough to achieve Overlord status.

And, honestly? Having your soul owned by Husker back in the day probably sucked.

The one benefit of soul contracts for the person selling their soul is that they seem to get a fair amount of say in how the contract is written.

Angel's contract, for example, apparently has a clause stating that he's only under Valentino's jurisdiction when he's in the studio. (Which, btw, puts a whole other spin on why Val is so pissed when he moves out of studio accommodation and into the Hotel.) And Val is apparently bound to that. Even though he's pissed off and actively wants to put Angel in his place, he can't make any moves against him in the club.

Equally, since most overlords seem to be associated with a specific location/industry, you can generally choose who your working for and therefore roughly what kind of stuff you're gonna be doing.

In practice there seems to be a lot of manipulation and coercion going on on the part of the Overlords making these contracts— they're not fair by any means— but the sinners signing them are theoretically at least guaranteed the right to a (somewhat) informed choice and some control over the deals they make.

Having an Overlord who uses human souls to pay his gambling debts, however, completely undermines all that.

Imagine going into work for your job running the roulette games at the casino only to be told that the boss played a bad hand in a game with Valentino, and so you're a sex worker now.

Or being traded to someone who has you fighting turf wars for them, and realising that your contract doesn't have any clauses to protect your personal safety because you only signed up to be a bartender.

Or selling your soul for a job near your home and family so you can guarantee their protection, only to be traded to someone whose territory is on the other side of the pentagram.

Husk is a victim of his own addiction, yeah, which is one of the reasons why Angel relates to him. But his backstory implies that there must be a significant number of people out there who were also victims of Husk's addiction, and may not be as sympathetic. Dude basically owned other people as property (… we have a word for that) and then literally played games with their lives.

And like, I'm not saying he hasn't changed. He seems more empathetic on the show than his backstory would imply, and apart from anything else, he's had a pretty clear object lesson about what it's like to be on the receiving end of that sort of thing. (Ngl, I'm pretty sure one of the reasons Alastor keeps him around is because he's the type to find the irony amusing.)

But like, he's in this place where he can relate to Angel Dust's situation, while at the same time probably also being able to relate to Valentino and Alastor's perspectives (although I doubt he was quite as bad as Val to work for).

And I'm curious as to what would happen, later in the series, if the gang met someone who had sold their soul to Husk at one point. Someone who would also be able to relate to Angel's situation, but with Husk as their version of Valentino.

[cyb3rtarot]

Pick a Pile: Facing “Failure”

Disclaimer: readings are not replacements for professional advice. You create your fate, not the reading. Take what confirms and not what confuses. In this reading, I’ll look at your current perception or relationship to perceived failure & things to keep in mind. It’s great if we can find beauty in the inevitability of lessons instead of fear!

Help a Palestinian family: 1 2 3 4 5

pile 1 ✃ pile 2 pile 3 ✃ pile 4

Pile 1

[Mannaz, King of Wands rx, 8 of wands rx, 2 of swords, Follow Your Own Good Advice rx, Changed in the Night]

Hello pile one! This pile struggles with understanding how fate & time interacts with effort. There’s a complicated relationship with destiny or divine timing. On one hand, when things don’t work, you may try to reflect and understand if that has a deeper meaning. You may wonder, for example, about whether failure & rejection is divine protection, if the timing wasn’t right���if it’s not meant for you. But then the energy switches to pointing the finger at yourself and wondering if what you haven’t accomplished is a personal failure. There’s flip-flopping between where to place the blame. Even if you’re not thinking of intentionally blaming anyone or anything, there may be self-blaming tendencies or a fixation on trying to find a reason for pain. You may comb through your actions looking for an answer and are sometimes only able to see everything that went wrong. This can begin even before the outcome is achieved; you may stagnate yourself through perfectionism or through not applying yourself because every approach seems not good enough. There’s a struggle in merging what you think you could improve with the knowledge that some things are out of your control.

Of course, we wish we could understand why exactly things went wrong because we’d feel better armed. But one of the things failure shows is no matter how much we arm ourselves, there can be a wrench in our plans. Instead we must move with self-trust even when we don't know what's going to happen. This is one of the struggles of being human! Even highly intuitive people are in constant reflection to understand what’s going on. Going around in a mental loop can function as self punishment sometimes, as if we’re forcing ourselves to sit in the corner and find an answer to things beyond our understanding. You should always reflect and strive for self improvement, but this best comes from self love rather than a fixation on failure or criticism. You already have this King of Wands energy which leads you to success despite stumbles. You don't need to perfectly understand everything or perform perfectly. 

Fate, success, failure, outcomes, these are complex webs. Trying to boil fate—and related concepts like divine timing, fated chance, predestiny, free will, etc—down to a few simple factors can lead to extremes or bias, where we convince ourselves we’re totally in control or on the opposite end we convince ourselves life is out of our hands. Neither side of this polarity acknowledges the power of free will. Fate is something formed by ALL people who have lived, are living, and will live, by forces unseen, but also our own hands. It’s complex because one single person is an infinite pool of complexity within themselves, much more so a whole world. Add time and it can be confusing to understand why xyz happened the way it did. Don’t go to extremes ignoring the concept of timing nor dooming yourself to feeling controlled. The human experience is somewhere in the middle. When things don’t work out, take an honest look at what you had control over and how you feel about the way you handled it. Not to judge or criticize, just make objective notes. If we focus on these parts of reality, we can detach from unhealthy mental traps about what could’ve been or might be. 

On some level, you already know this. From your oracle cards and this King of Wands (rx), I feel you’ve already done a lot of self reflection on things you want to improve or that haven’t gone the way you wanted, but there’s hesitancy to relax and move forward. It’s like you keep re-evaluating or planning because it can’t be as simple as trusting yourself—what if it goes wrong again? Yes, it’s true, things may go wrong. But what if everything went better than expected? This is the unknowable which will eat away at our mental health if we let it. But, even if we knew what would happen, it still could not replace our effort, confidence, self love & trust. We would still need those things to make the most of our future and enjoy it. Trust that you know yourself. You’re not who you once were, because those lessons you learned prepared future-you for new things. Be honest with yourself, not because I think you aren’t, but because when you can say with evidence you’re realistically evaluating the situation, you can navigate the unknown to the best of your ability. Your relationship with failure is also your relationship with fear of the unknown. But I see someone who should trust that their honest effort does mean something, is worth something, and then your energy and talents can come out more easily. Don’t be your own bully before anything had a chance to get off the ground!

Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help! Some of you isolate or were forced into being self-sufficient. Other people add more unknown factors, but sometimes that’s what helps the most! Working with others or asking for help is often where positive surprises comes in, safety nets that catch us when we’re low, and we also learn more about ourselves through others. If you can grow deeper bonds with your peers or community, these may be a positive influence.

Failure won’t always come with epiphanies to undo it, especially when we already tried our best. Sometimes we can only understand & manage limited things. We must balance and rest in this knowledge ♥️

Extra Details: more college students in this pile or preparing for college (I see a lot of academia and big university buildings), fear of embarrassment or shyness when presenting what you made, worrying about what you’ll make of yourself, past bullying, writing & traditional drawing, letters, journal keeping, thick frame glasses, kpop, being unsure when to reach out or withdraw, drawing on a tablet/with a stylus, studying arts or liberal arts, blueberries, lots of huge creative energy

Thank you for reading! 

✃

Pile 2

[Xebo, 7 of pentacles, the Magician, page of cups, Justice]

Your relationship to failure is linked to a fear of disappointment. This pile is grounded in the idea of give and take, putting effort into goals to receive a desired outcome, needing to do the work. And I feel when faced with failure this pile may have a relatively quicker process of getting back up, because you know that’s what it takes to move forward. There’s balanced, methodical, and steady energy, a work ethic or skill of endurance. 

However, the symbolism & faces of figures on these cards seem melancholic. I see physical effort to keep it all together, but you may feel hesitant to put hope or emotional attachment into anything. There’s a sense that you let yourself have wishes but only view them as wishes. Even as you work towards them, you may not let yourself get expectations up, because you know even with putting the work in something could go wrong. Or, you might see things you want as a “forbidden fruit,” imaginary, unrealistic, naïve, etc. There’s a deep-seated fear or thorn in your emotions when connecting to desire—because doing so sets up potential for disappointment which feels too crushing. You might feel it’s illogical to set yourself up in that way, yet at the same time, this restriction of yourself can become fear based and less logical. 

There’s a need to heal this because it’s casting a dampening energy over what you do. Confronting your relationship with failure is confronting avoidance of the pain of disappointment. Avoiding pain is normal but can restrict desire and ambition that wants to be expressed. Don’t deny desire, emotionally separate yourself from it, nor be too judgmental. The possibility of failure makes you detach from deep emotion and put your guard up. Maybe you feel a very measured approach will yield the best results, and often it can, but more so when coming from a place of healthy curiosity than suppression. This may stop a lot of you from pursuing connections with others. It’s great if you’re rational, grounded, decisive, but to your inner self this may come off as a strict-parent dynamic where you restrict wants through very decisive planning—rather than directly addressing them. And sometimes what you need is to be a friend to yourself, to indulge a bit, let yourself relax and see the fun in dreaming. You already understand putting work in, so using this realistic perspective, what would your life look like if you had some of the larger desires you feel are fantastical dreams? What would a merger between your current life and that desired life look like, or what would the transitional scenes look like getting there if you were reading a story? And, what are reasonable disappointments you may encounter on a journey there? The point of the last question is not to get caught up in disappointment, but rather that facing it as a possibility may make you feel more prepared. Disappointment is not more powerful than you when you accept it as part of life’s cycles. 

As I flip through the deck I see strings of cards indicating you already know this but maybe some of you are having trouble integrating intuition with conscious knowing. I feel if you haven’t already come to these conclusions you may be at the edge of an epiphany regarding emotions and desires. Maybe because there’s something new you’re interested in with the page of wands at the bottom of the deck? The work ethic and planning skills you have can carry you far, and through reflection on disappointment as a part of the human experience, remaining fears cannot keep you down. Best of luck in whatever you pursue!

Extra Details: meditation on emotions, desires, & fears could be helpful. Revisiting past disappointments to create new perspectives (there may still be pain or disappointment to process, don’t rush it!), scared/anxious, uncertainty about seeking connection, balancing long term material goals with relationships, connecting with your emotions & wants will bring clarity to your intuition, putting defenses down about feelings, letting go of old ideas, spending time with/ thinking of a grandmother, homemade coffee, new interests/ on a search for something new, measured responses to others, lack of excitement/ feeling rigid (or coming out of this), a need for more union or sync within oneself & dualistic concepts (body/mind, emotions/thoughts, desires/detachment), changing views on connection with others and within yourself, resigning yourself to unhappiness unnecessarily, unhappiness in the home or with traditional lifestyle, prominent Virgo placements in natal/SR chart or in profection yr, or receiving help from a Virgo (take as it already resonates), internalized beliefs from family about success or passions—a lot of you may replicate your family’s criticism in your thoughts towards yourself. Interests you’ve put off because it’s “not productive” like music, some of you may enjoy going out at night to places with live music or clubbing/lounges, The Moon in tarot/deep subconscious emotional pulls, something dripping or the word dripping may be significant?

Thank you for reading!

✃

Pile 3

[Perthro, Ace of cups, King of pentacles, the Hierophant, the Hanged Man rx]

Hello pile 3! Your message is about perspective. On one hand, I see you guys have a lot of hope deep down or a tendency to romanticize. When you see things aren’t working out, it may be hard to accept because you look at potential and what's working rather than what isn’t. Especially in relationships, there are a lot of people here who find it difficult to accept aspects like incompatibility. However, when you finally come to terms with what’s happening, I see a lot of you can turn around to the next thing very quickly. This pile is aware that “failure,” or endings, are just new beginnings. It’s very hard to totally dull your “sparkle,” because there’s always some renewed sense of optimism or ability to see potential. When you realize the stage has been set for something new, you get a lot of excitement. There’s an inner & outer sense of security that allows you to make peace with the fact that living means lessons, and as long as you take these lessons in stride, you can keep going and receive new things.

However, your other message is about that momentum. The Hierophant with the Hanged Man rx and your rune suggests that slowing down mentally and having a lot of reflective or learning/teaching time may be a benefit, especially because this pile’s message seems specific to right now. You may hear a lot about waiting and working on yourself, and you may feel like, “but I have worked on myself, what’s next??” Sometimes a period of stagnation after something doesn’t work just drags & drags and makes you keep seeing or feeling the things you’re trying to move on from. However, it's this exact period that's a benefit—those moments are beneficial for the new opportunities you seek. Your cards encourage you to analyze those things—particularly in the recent past—that didn’t work, and to do a lot of reflection on what you wish to carry into the future. You may wish to rush forward, but good things come to those who are patient (not necessarily to those who wait, but those who take a steady approach). There may be things from your past that you've quickly dropped from your mind and there’s more learning to be done. For example, there may be relationships or events you look over with rose-tinted glasses, and it’s important to analyze what actions & energies led to the endings you experienced, both what you did and didn't do, and what others did and didn’t do. You may also learn something from analyzing what didn’t work in the lives of those close to you. For example, you could look at similar things friends & family did that seemed to go wrong if you wish to try a different approach. Your ability to pick yourself up and keep going is admirable, but appreciation and taking advantage of still moments is also needed. There may be some kind of lesson wrapping up right now or that’s attempting to be conveyed to you, and there may be more things to learn yet from recent “failures” that you have not analyzed from all angles because you’re ready to go. Especially those things which are emotionally painful, make sure you’ve not only made peace with these but understand how approaches may need to be different going forward if you’re to have different outcomes. Life is unpredictable, and it’s for that reason that still moments are a blessing, because when things get moving we may no longer have the time, experience, and learning to tweak our approach mid-trajectory. Quieter times allow us to set our destination and plan our trip before hopping on the plane, metaphorically. Whether in material efforts or seeking new connections, and I see a lot of you may be bringing children into the world so that's especially important. Looking into the future is not bad at all, but make sure you’re connecting the past and present into your future vision and looking at things from all different sides. There’s no need to rush forward; life constantly moves us in that direction.

It seems there are developments & surprises upcoming for you. Think of the present as us donning our armor and weapon—self-exploration and growth. The more time we put into these, the less we'll be caught unawares. We’ll be prepared to make the most of things we actually do want when we get them, instead of repeating the past from a different standpoint. There’s a particular emphasis on gaining knowledge, whether of yourself or otherwise, while new phases are in the making. Each new moment is born out of this present one, so be mindful of the energies allowed forward. As we get in control of ourselves and our perspective, we less so need to “wait” for good things to come to us, and instead can take confident steps, as you’ll know what you want and what direction those things are in.

Extra Details: pregnancy (use protection if doing risky things) ((messages about proper planning & gaining knowledge are doubly emphasized for anyone giving birth soon or trying for children)), being mindful of energy allowed towards oneself (those with rose-tinted glasses may have had a tendency to allow disrespect in relationships), breaking cycles, others sharing your developments (example, if you break a toxic cycle or start something new you may notice loved ones doing the same), realistic hope, pushing the past out of your mind due to emotional wounds or resentment (healing/shadow work needed if so), “let go or be dragged,” current Saturn transit may be significant or Saturn significant in solar return/profection year, as well as Pluto leaving Capricorn, Wheel of Fortune, never-ending flow of time, heavy natal or solar return Libra placements, midnight, interim period before change, a need to study/learn pertaining to the things you want in your future, midnight gospel, meeting up with others in public spaces like cafes

Thank you for reading!

✃

Pile 4

[Laziness, Compromise, the Outsider, Iceolation, Sowilo]

Hi pile 4! Your message is about redefining what “failure” means to you. Your cards suggest you’ve gotten comfortable with some misery or discontent, possibly because you don’t feel a life that would make you happy is accessible. Maybe you feel you’re not a person who can achieve a different life, so you resigned yourself to how you currently feel. Or, some of you have built an “acceptable” life, and you’re not confronting discontent because you might have to tear this down—or you might “fail” trying to achieve change. 

Wanting to start over, being different from others, past difficulties, none of this makes you a failure or is anything to feel shame/embarrassment about. I won’t say not living your truth makes you a failure either; everyone struggles and searches for that throughout their lifetimes. It’s not that there’s necessarily anything wrong with how you do things or how you might do things differently without the pressure of expectations. But, you may be compromising on something that’s fundamental to your wellbeing, and this doesn't have to be the answer. Your relationship to failure is significant in whatever is making you feel like you have to accept misery or “less than." There’s a sense of alienation from others through your life and from your own happiness. Maybe you feel your wellbeing is too difficult? The significant thing is on the “outsider” card, a child looks longingly through a gate they think is locked, but actually the gate is open. This card is comparable to the 5 of pentacles in that help in unhappy times is often far closer than you think. But don’t water yourself down for others or their expectations, that’s like extinguishing your flame before it has a chance to do anything.

Now’s a time where you can approach different aspects of your life in ways you might’ve thought of before but couldn’t. Maybe there’s a desire you couldn’t obtain before and now there’s a more promising opportunity. Especially in regards to your material situation, such as jobs, life goals, physical things or finances. But not only; this is a time of general personal development and spiritual growth. Things in your life that you have kept in darkness, such as feelings of disconnection, misery, resentment—these have an opportunity to be purged. It’s a time where you’re encouraged to see how the effort you put in can pay off, like sowing seeds. Don’t be discouraged by the fact that you may have once tried and failed. Life has ebbs and flows, sometimes what was once out of reach comes into grasp at another time. 

Some of you are concerned with what your life will look like to others if you change. Particularly those who are living a socially acceptable life or have something that works practically, or people encourage you into (such as a traditional job), but want to explore something unconventional or harder. This is also a fear to address, keeping yourself caged through others’ ideas. Everyone has their own path to walk and you won’t necessarily find yours by looking at your life through another’s lens, or through the person you wish you were instead of who you actually are. You may have reached goals, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay where you are if you feel misaligned. The feeling's not there to throw you off but to tell you something. It’s your choice how to address it, but don’t repress it. Life can be more than staying afloat. Not even necessarily in a material way, but mentally and emotionally you can find things that give life more meaning. If you address the ways in which you minimize yourself, or kill your hopes before you’ve tried, then your relationship to failure may take a healthy turn and you can feel assured in making changes.

Extra Details: feeling like you’re regressing, spiritual growth or incoming period of inner development, the Hermit/turning inwards to find yourself, contemplating what you want or who you are, setting new goals/ working towards dreams— especially material ones, finding confidence, reflecting on haughtiness vs confidence. Contemplating the universe, feminine energy (reflecting on what this means to you spiritually), eat nutritious foods to combat deficiencies especially iron deficiency, caring for yourself according to your bodily/mental cycles

Channeled image, I see a bush or hedge being pruned. The message is you do this to yourself—how you minimize yourself. We all grow and have to tweak our expectations, selves, goals, etc. But if you try to take care of one plant in the way another needs, you may take away what makes it most beautiful or unique, it may come out looking off. Similarly, it’s true you may have had to adjust your life in unexpected ways, and this may happen again. But, if you do this based on anything except your true self, then the end result—your life, will be more likely to feel “not right.” When you make a mistake growing a plant or pruning, the plant can make a comeback if taken care of. But if you try to care for it as if it were a totally different thing, that’s what actually creates errors.

Thank you for reading!

✃

[raayllum]

Moon Arcanum Callum + Sun Arcanum Claudia in S7?

Callum getting the Moon arcanum has been a fandom... not theory, but shall we say, prospect, since even before S4. Some of this was because of the seeming set up in previous seasons, such as:

Callum having a hunch that the cube wasn't glowing due to the Moon, and being our first hint at illusions on the Cursed Caldera (1x09)

Lujanne explaining the secret of the arcanum (as she understands it) to him in 2x02

Callum doing moon arcanum spells (3x08, Through the Moon) much the way he did Sky spells before unlocking that arcanum

Callum employing aspects of the Moon arcanum in his plans (3x01 with tricking Sol Regem, creating the illusion pearl in 6x01)

His growing relationship and understanding with Rayla, and potential involvement with her family/village

But especially:

This is of course already reflected in spades in his arc as a mage. Everyone, Lujanne included, believes that humans can't do magic. She treats this as absolute fact and destiny, but Callum perceives it as subjective truth; why can't he just make his own connection and do magic anyway? And in doing so, he changes the world. He creates a radically new, better reality.

With season seven's synopsis on sacrifice and life and death, both things we see tied heavily to Moonshadow culture and the Moon itself, I could see Callum connecting to the Moon arcanum next season for a few reasons (and potentially Claudia with the Sun arcanum, which I'll get to after). So let's get into it.

Precursor

Previously, if Callum was going to connect to the Moon arcanum, I'd speculated it'd mostly be around ideas of the consistency of Love (light or dark, the moon is always the moon) and his love for Rayla being his light in the darkness / the one constant truth of his life. I don't think this anymore, obviously, because we got all those things through the Star truth light ritual beat for beat and we're not going to be repeating, but I did think it'd be worthwhile then to revisit what a Moon arcanum could mean for Callum under new context / emotional epiphanies. I've also always thought either Earth or Sun would suit Claudia, but leaned more towards the latter, so we're gonna talk about that, too.

Truth and Lies and Aaravos

As Lujanne explains in 2x02, the Moon arcanum is understanding the true nature of the relationship between appearances and reality, and we can only understand the appearance itself. This feels like a very fitting idea to come back to with Aaravos, who ostensibly never lies but routinely withholds or presents not entirely correct information. "How may I serve you?" when you're just going to be a pawn. Not telling a mourning Claudia that he was indeed the one who killed Viren so that she'll continue to do his bidding, with Claudia asserting that Aaravos "didn't lie" about the ritual in 6x01, and he didn't. We also see him wield the truth as a weapon with people like Khessa ("would you like to know the truth of her fate before you meet yours?") and Sol Regem (more on that here.)

Everything that he says is truth to him, and then he lifts it up as being objectively true (i.e. you're destined to play into my hands) even when it isn't necessarily true. We can also see Callum veering into mindsets that Claudia and Viren have had, where he believes he's past the point of saving ("I'm ruined, it's too late for me" "Promise me you'll kill me") or removing his own agency by admission ("Finnegrin was going to kill you, I didn't have a choice" / "Every step forward is a choice").

Callum understanding Aaravos' or others' actual truths versus their lies and the ones he's believing could be very fitting in S6, especially if he might be learning more about the existence of the Cosmic Council and who made their world the way it is. I think his existence may help lead to that "slow spiral of chaos" but that it won't be just or even Bad at all the way they'd feared, etc.

Claudia is also linked to lies and truth. She lies to others, but Aaravos notes that "If you tell the truth you will lose her," and she goes looking for her own deep truth in S6, but doesn't seem to fully find it. Terry asks her "What do you need to find your one deep truth?" and Claudia says that she needs her dad, but she and her mother have also made it clear that she "needed to stay with Soren" and her family (vs Viren telling her to pick the egg over Soren). With Viren gone and Aaravos manipulating her, Soren could easily be one of her guiding lights next season or in future seasons.

The Pearl

The moon is analogous, framing/appearance wise, to the prison. This is alluded to in 5x09 through framing, and then made even more direct in 6x09: Aaravos escapes his prison thanks to Claudia and (unbeknownst to her) she has become the prisoner, much like how Callum may physically free himself from chains in 5x08 but magically/emotionally chains himself further to Aaravos, or Viren shouting while in chains that he's finally free of the dark puppetmaster.

Basically, when Callum says in 6x01 that he's inside the pearl, I don't think (as of S6 / probably first half of S7 at least) that he's ever gotten out of it. Aaravos uses him even after his nightmare, and we know thanks to the pawn intro that Aaravos' final machinations for Callum also haven't yet come to play. I've been wondering if the Aaravos intro is going to change in S7, since he's out of his prison — and it still may — but if we look at it from the angle of Callum and Claudia both being stuck within the moon/pearl rather than just Aaravos himself, maybe it could stay.

And if Callum is stuck inside the moon-pearl, shattering it by understanding the arcanum ("the whole world is like a giant primal stone, and we're inside of it, and it's also in us") and/or with Claudia moving to the opposite of the moon could be useful, especially since Karim is a corrupted sun in his own way. Speaking of which let's talk about

Light and Dark

We know thanks to Claudia that black and white, or light and dark, are not always clear cut. Her hair thanks to her dark magic use changes like phases of the moon, with the light being bad and the dark being good. Conversely, her path is a dark one with the path of truth and light being withheld from her. In a similar manner, we see Callum's light (Rayla) being what led him into dark magic use and what led him out of it, and will likely see this pattern play out again. Aaravos is a representation of a path of darkness, but we also see the cube flashing a bright light in the pawn intro, tying light and darkness together for him as well.

Callum's understanding of himself that he gained through the Ocean arcanum can not simply become untrue or disappear, so I think recognizing that darkness isn't all he is ("I'm ruined" / "your heart's not full of darkness" "Neither is yours") even if there are dark parts of him and of his life would be fitting. It also seems that could be helpful with Claudia as well, and even characters like Ezran, who will have to wrestle with darker parts of his emotions/personality next season as well with Runaan. They've all got light and dark inside them, and learning how to walk in that balance and still break away from the Cycle / Aaravos is useful. As Ezran said in 4x03:

I just want to yell stop. But that’s not enough. It won’t work. I think about a positive vision, a faith we can all share, that we might build a future together in hope. A future where we can be safe with each other.  But… It’s not that easy or simple. Because people are still hurting and they are still angry. We can’t ignore that, or pretend it will go away. Somehow, we have to hold it all in our hearts at the same time. We have to acknowledge the weight of the pain and loss, but open up our eyes and allow ourselves to hope and maybe forgive and love again. We have to give today’s children a chance to inherit a future filled with peace. To give them that, we have to hold pain and love in our hearts at the same time.

Claudia's love for her family led her to ruin, but it can also save her through Soren. Callum's love for Rayla led him to ruin, but it has also saved him (and again, we'll likely repeat this pattern). Ezran's love for his father will lead him to anger but also pull him out of it, just as Viren's love for his son caused him to begin his journey of terrible things, but also guided him to do one final, truly right thing by the end.

Love is light and dark. Claudia, who's been walking in shadow, needs the full light - the sun, in the form of her brother. She needs to accept and see the truth of what's happening and step fully into the light. Callum, who has been routinely worried of the dark within him, needs to the reminder that he's not all he is, that he has light of his own inside. In doing so, he can break Aaravos' control over him and give hope to any other dark mages / humans in general that no level of corruption is too late to come back from, and that there is always light amid the darkness.

Life and Death

The stakes have never been higher as Aaravos and Claudia are on the warpath, determined to destroy the Cosmic Order and invert life and death. With the world’s fate on the line, our heroes must be ready to sacrifice everything to save it.

In Bloodmoon Huntress, we get a very different peek into how the secret of the Moon arcanum can be thought of through Runaan, who is peak Moonshadow-sacrifice elf man:

Moonshadow form is only achieved when we understand the balance of life against death. Balance is weight against weight, and to understand the weight of death you must feel the weight and value of another's life. Think of those you love, of who you hold most dear. Now think of the souls who have touched your life. Understand that each time your weapon meets its target, each time we fulfil our duty, the potential for that soul to change a life—to love another—is gone. We may remove hate, but we remove the potential for love as well. Moonshadow form is only achieved when we reconcile this balance between life and death.

While Claudia with her hair and dark mage-assassin parallels could unlock the Moon arcanum—especially if her perspectives continue to change—I think Callum as the Protagonist is better placed at this time to be the one to understand the balance between life and death in a season where the antagonists are trying to invert/destroy it. Him therefore understanding appearances and changes, how to control his own and see through others', understanding that balance between life and death, feels very fitting.

Callum's fear of Aaravos and dark magic comes from the fear that he's changing—"I hope you're careful, cause [magic] can change people" / "the corruption takes innocent creatures and changed them"—and that death would be better for him than life if he goes too far. Learning these things aren't the case and that he can get back to the middle (and indeed, "real trust is about accepting even the dark parts we will never know" could be about Rayla accepting he may not entirely swear off dark magic again, the same way Viren kept that door open to do Good) would be useful.

It would also mean the two mage characters most drawn into Aaravos' darkness get the Moon and Sun—the arcanums most associated with light—to banish said darkness as well. Claudia finally being an uncorrupted light and chasing life, not death, and Callum, learning how to be balanced and that he can maintain his identity / use Aaravos' book and key without fearing that he'll lose control.

The fact that Claudia's eclipse imagery only started the same episode she lost her brother, and that her Laurelion dragon-scale necklace is very Sunfire-y looking...

Conclusion

TDP for Callum and Claudia has always felt like a parallel coming-of-age mage story between the two of them, leading to the amount of similarities and diverging plot beats the two have, down to doing the same spell at the same time but in different locations in S6. The Sun arcanum is associated with truth, light, and healing, whereas the Moon arcanum is associated with change, life + death, and secrets/love. All of these things could be nicely brought to a head with Callum and Claudia each unlocking an arcanum of Moon and Sun respectively, showcasing their differences, their continued room to grow, and light amid the darkness.

While I could see alternatives like Sun for Callum and Moon for Claudia, Stars for Callum or no arcanum for either of them, I think these are the ones that fit best at this time / Stars will likely get saved for arc 3 given that arc 3 will probably focus more on rewriting destinies and the Cosmic Order as antagonists.

As always hope you enjoy and Dragons out!

[ladyloveandjustice]

Someone's been in the Revolutionary Girl Utena rabbit hole for a bit 👀

I don't even know what it's about, I just see it and get happy

Mind telling me a bit on what it's about? I might watch it myself if it sounds like my thing, bc you seem to have great taste in anime and games

I do have good taste thank you! *flips hair* lol just kidding,

Revolutionary Girl Utena is a surreal and wild queer feminist deconstruction of fairy tale romance and shoujo tropes and it has a lot to say about systems of power, cycles of abuse, the ways people cling to an ideal of innocent childhood which may have never existed anyway, the concept of purity, fear of change and loss, and whether becoming an adult inevitably means being corrupted in some way. Lots and lots of gender, lots of queer characters struggling with compulsory heterosexuality... but over all, it's a deeply meaningful story about the human condition and growing up in an imperfect world.

But also people turn into cows sometimes, there are elephants of surfboards at one point, and one character has a very emotive pet monkey in a tie. at least we think it's a monkey. It can be very silly, is what I'm saying.

The basic plot is that a girl named Utena lost her parents at a very age, but a prince came and comforted her, giving her a ring and telling her to never lose her strength and nobility. Rather than taking that as an engagement offer and aiming to be his princess though, Utena actually admires him so much that she decides to become a prince who saves girls in trouble too. She's determined to find the prince who changed her life though, and her search leads her to a very fancy and phallic looking Ohtori Academy.

Then, when this shitty popular guy makes her friend cry, Utena challenges a guy to a duel to make him pay (as you do). ONLY to find out that the student council of her school are all secretly dueling each other to be engaged to "the Rose Bride", a girl who is supposed to give whoever's engaged to her the power to revolutionize the world. As part of the student council, the shitty popular guy assumes Utena wants to "win" the Rose Bride too.

So next thing Utena knows, she's been dragged into a duel to "win" the "Rose Bride" (who is actually just Utena's classmate, Anthy). Utena thinks that fighting to possess a girl like she's an object is pretty screwed up, but on the other hand, she IS devoted to saving girls, and that shitty popular guy IS treating Anthy pretty badly....

Could be that she'll end up engaged to Anthy, whether she likes it or not....

It covers a lot of dark topics, from misogyny to abuse (sexual abuse included) to child predators to incest (never framed as healthy or okay though, in one case it initially comes off as a joke thing for a character, like the typical anime comedic brother/sister complex, but throughout this characters arc it becomes clear that no, it's really not, and it is not good for the character in question). It's not a graphic show by any means, it handles its subject matter tastefully imo, and the way it explores these things is very effective. It takes a while to build up to where it's going, but the journey is worth it.

If you're interested at all in queer anime or like...queer western cartoons even because odd are they'll have a Utena reference-- it's a must see because it was massively influential. It was made more than 20 years ago and really holds up still.

I also did a review series about it here a while back that people found handy!

[raina-at]

Experiments in Compatibility

When Sherlock is 16, he decides he needs to find out what the fuss about kissing is about. So he decides to conduct an experiment. 

He can’t imagine kissing a total stranger — the practice sounds slightly disgusting and unhygienic with someone he knows, let alone someone who might never brush their teeth — so he decides to try it out with Victor, his one and only friend.

It turns out to be a grievous mistake. Sherlock likes the kissing fine, he also likes Victor fine. But Victor takes his academic interest in kissing and his non-hatred of Victor’s company as meaning that they’re in a relationship now. Which is fine by Sherlock up to the point Victor tries to stick his hand down Sherlock’s pants, and then it becomes decidedly not-fine very, very fast.

Victor is obviously hurt by Sherlock “leading him on”, but to his credit he tries to get over it when it becomes obvious that Sherlock wasn’t so much leading him on so much as their assumptions about their relationship just didn’t align at all. Also, they’re both sixteen and have no earthly idea what they’re doing. 

But Sherlock learns two very important lessons from this. One, experiments with sex don’t mix with friendships you want to keep. Two, friends are harder to find than lovers, so prioritise the friendship.

*-*

All through his twenties, Sherlock only has sex with people he doesn’t give a damn about. He also has enough of it to decide that it’s not for him. The list of things he enjoys is very short, and most people he has sex with have expectations he can’t or doesn’t want to meet. 

The few times he’s attracted to someone, the attraction never survives the first sexual encounter, and the process often leaves him either bored, annoyed, disgusted or all three. 

By thirty, he decides romantic entanglements are more trouble than they’re worth and any bodily needs he can meet more efficiently by himself.

*-*

John Watson is an asteroid strike right into the center of his carefully crafted self-image.

The attraction is immediate, but he can ignore that easily. If only John wasn’t this… interesting.

John is nice and kind and lonely and abrasive, he’s a killer and a healer, he’s a loner who craves company, a soldier who defines himself by service to a higher good, whatever that may be, whose self-esteem is tied to being useful. He’s a deeply damaged, very intelligent, exceptionally capable man, wearing the skin of the everyman, deeply vulnerable yet outwardly stoic, the very embodiment of the stiff upper lip. He’s reliable and unpredictable, angry and calm, he’s the immoveale object to Sherlock’s unstoppable force.

Sherlock loves him. It’s as simple as that. He falls in love with John gradually, helplessly, with opened eyes and fully aware of what’s happening, yet entirely incapable of stopping it. He loves John intensely, honestly, deeply and — unfortunately — passionately. 

He loves the colour of John’s eyes and the smell of his hair and the fine golden hairs on his arms. He loves John’s ugly jumpers and his compact strength and the shape of his toes. He loves John’s kneecaps, his capable hands, the economy of his movements, the expressiveness of his face. It’s ridiculous, and highly inconvenient, and frankly distracting.

He doesn’t know what to do about it. He has several options. He could ignore it and hope it goes away, which doesn’t seem very likely to happen. He could end his association with John, but the mere thought makes him nauseous. He could, to use a popular phrase, ‘make a move’. He’s almost sure that he would be successful — John spends a lot of time staring at Sherlock’s lips, chest and arse — but what then? What if he doesn’t like it? What if he loses interest? What if it ruins their friendship? What if John leaves?

And the worst thing about all of this is that he will never know if he doesn’t try it, but trying and failing could have catastrophic consequences, and not in the usual way his experiments fail. A kitchen fire is inconsequential, even mild chemical burns are of no consequence, but he could end up losing everything.

So Sherlock thinks, and broods, and sulks, and does nothing.

*-*

“You want to tell me what’s bothering you, or do I need to guess?” John says one evening, sitting down next to Sherlock on the sofa. He’s sitting far too close, and he’s wearing a patient expression and holding out a cup of tea.

Sherlock spent the last three days turning around the John Watson conundrum in his mind and is frankly running out of patience. So he snaps, “I’m trying to figure out whether sex with you would ruin our friendship. Thoughts?”

John blinks once. Blinks again. Sets down the tea very deliberately. Blinks a third time. “Come again?”

“Bang on the money, John, yes, we’re talking about coming. Sex. You and me. Having it.”

“I can’t believe you just made an orgasm joke,” John says, apparently still trying to process what else Sherlock just said. “So.” He blinks again. Wets his lips (definitely interested, then). “You… want? To have sex with me?”

“Obviously, otherwise we wouldn’t have a problem!” 

“The problem is that I don’t actually like sex all that much, and you obviously love it, given your reputation and the number of imbecilic girlfriends you’ve dragged in here,” Sherlock grinds out between clenched teeth, the frustration of the last few months spilling over in anger that’s probably misdirected at John.

“Um…” Again with the blinking. Sherlock hates himself a bit for finding it adorable. “What’s the problem, exactly? Because you want to, and I definitely want to, so…” he makes a 'fill in the gaps for me’ kind of gesture.

John, fortunately, seems to be extremely flattered and keenly interested in getting into Sherlock’s pants, and is apparently prepared to take his irritation in stride in order to get there. “Okay. Um. So. I think… so you don’t like having sex at all?”

“I like some things fine, others not at all,” Sherlock says, suddenly very aware of how close John is sitting to him, how much of their thighs are touching, and that John’s taken his hand and is rubbing his thumb over Sherlock’s finger knuckles in a very distracting way.

“Let’s start simple,” John says, and there’s a small smile playing over his face, his voice is low and he’s watching Sherlock with an intensity that’s both sexy and somewhat intimidating. “Kissing?”

Sherlock nods, suddenly beyond words. 

John leans over and presses his lips against Sherlock’s, soft and tender and oh so good. Sherlock kisses back, and before he knows it, they’re snogging. John’s really good at this, alternating deep, toe-curling kisses with soft, teasing kisses and gentle, tender kisses. Sherlock immediately loves it, wants more, knows he’ll never get enough. 

After an indeterminate time, John draws back and smiles. “I think we can work with that, what do you think?”

“But what if I don’t like it?” Sherlock mutters, unsure and hating that it shows.

“Then we won’t do it.”

“But what if I don’t like any of it?”

“Then we won’t do any of it,” John says, matter of fact, as if it’s that simple. 

Sherlock’s scepticism must show on his face, because John gives him a reassuring smile. “Look. I know it’s not easy, but do you think you can trust me with this, just a little?”

“Well, since I’m inconveniently in love with you, I suppose I’m going to have to,” Sherlock says, 

John grins at him, and Sherlock wonders how he can be this happy when Sherlock is this much of a mess. “Well, I’m inconveniently in love with you too. I think with a bit of experimenting, we can figure the rest out.”

“But you don’t like it when I experiment on you,” Sherlock points out.

“This isn’t you experimenting on me. This is us, experimenting together. Big difference.” John pushes a strand of hair out of Sherlock’s face, a gesture so unsexual and yet so tender it makes Sherlock’s heart melt. “I get that you’re scared. Believe me, I’m scared, too. This is big, and there’s little room for error. But the reward is definitely worth the risk, don’t you think?”

Sherlock considers the logic of what John is saying and decides it’s sound. “You make a good point.”

“Wow, Sherlock Holmes agrees with me. Truly a special day.”

“Shut up and kiss me again,” Sherlock says, already looking forward to using this technique every time John berates him about setting the kitchen on fire.

“As you wish,” John says with a soft smile and complies.

Thanks for the prompt, @calaisreno! Written for the prompt Experiments.

Tagging a few of the usual suspects: @meetinginsamarra @lisbeth-kk @jrow @helloliriels @fluffbyday-smutbynight @topsyturvy-turtely @catlock-holmes @thetimemoves @discordantwords @the-reading-lemon @khorazir @hotshoeagain @keirgreeneyes and whoever wants to play!

[s-che]

reporting from the Dream Library: Apocalypse World

After however many years of games pointing its direction, I finally played Apocalypse Worlds as the first leg of a long series of one- and two-shots I’m running over in the Dream Library, my weekly drop-in-game-and-design-chat discord. We’re starting a unit talking through some of the highs, lows, landmarks, and cul-de-sacs in the now fourteen-year long history of PBTA design — it’s looking something like an actual play book club. 

It’s an interesting journey to be embarking on — and I’ll talk a little bit more about where we’re going next at the end of this post — but, hey, first:

I fucking loved Apocalypse World.

Part 1: Big Thoughts & Caveats

Apocalypse World rules. That isn’t a particularly hot take, and it isn’t a set up for me to tear into the game later. I’m not being polite here. The game fucking rules. Every time I opened the book (I’ve got both a physical copy and a pdf of the second edition), I was confronted by some absolute sick nasty shit that slapped and fucked and went supremely hard. The game is good good good in a way that, tbh, makes me a little disappointed in a whole bunch of PBTA games that come after it and totally miss, imo, where all the cool shit in Apocalypse World came from. 

There’s a way in which, speaking as a mostly casual observer who was mostly not around during the big years of the PBTA boom (for those keeping score at home, I listened to Friends at the Table on and off from about 2016 on and played a handful of Dungeon World and Sprawl sessions as a result, but didn’t start actively participating in the blood machine we call design discourse until after I graduated college in 2021), what seems to get fossilized as the core of PBTA design, especially in the public pitch for various systems, is mostly the simplicity of the dice and resolution systems — make a move, roll 2d6+stat, partial successes, isn’t this so much easier than d20 rollover?

And, sure, those form a part of the marketability of PBTA, especially to a mainline RPG audience. But there’s more than just that in this book — a lot more — in a way which makes me upset that this wasn’t the shit I was hearing about at 17. Meguey & Vincent Baker have skill for designing with what you might call elegant maximalism in mind, a philosophy where you are constantly confronted — especially when handling the physical object — by a book which is impressive both in its length and in its density. 

Apocalypse World (like Under Hollow Hills, which we’ll be playing at the very end of our PBTA unit in the Dream Library) is remarkable both for the number of moving pieces and for the fluidity with which those pieces fit together. I understand why that kind of game, coupled with how easy it is to hack moves into something entirely new, leads to a design moment which emphasizes rules-light play, but — agh! There’s just so much more game in Apocalypse World than in so many of the games which build on it. The text calls for the MC to “barf forth apocalyptica” — and it feels like Vincent and Meguey have done something similar, here, cramming everything which makes the game interesting right into the text.

All that being said, I butchered this game in order to run it as a one-shot. Apocalypse World should not be run as a one-shot. There are lots of very funny forum conversations to be found, if you start looking online for advice on running Apocalypse World as a one-shot, where people tell each other not to run Apocalypse World as a one-shot. In several of them, especially on the old lumpley forums, Vincent chimes in and suggest not running it as a one-shot.

Unfortunately, the limits of trying to run a series of games in conversation with each other, in a reasonable period of time, with a rotating set of players means that I can’t play Apocalypse World the way you’re supposed to. I’m going to host it again later this month, and I may try to run that session as a a little more of an as-written Session 0 (or follow Vince’s advice on playing it con-style to the letter), but that’s getting a little close to what-comes-next talk, which I said I’d save for the end. 

All-in-all, I’m not terribly unhappy with the way my cobbled together one-shot went, but — as I talk through some of the points of friction in a moment — I’m going to try to keep in mind (and I’d like y’all to keep in mind too) that much of this is my fault, for breaking the game before we every played.

That being said...

Part 2: The Session

I had four players, who made characters ahead of time — except for Hx, which we did at the top of the session. None of them, as far as I know, had played Apocalypse World before. We got an angel, a battlebabe, a brainer, a hardholder out of it. 

There were strengths and weaknesses to prepping characters ahead — while it did save time and let us play harder and faster than we would have otherwise, I struggled at times with what felt like an almost immediate divide between player characters: the hardholder and the brainer on one side, the angel and battlebabe on the other. There wasn’t player tension or conflict — just folks interests going in different directions, which is 1. totally fine, and in fact can be fun to play with over a longer time and 2. probably my fault for giving players the full list of playbooks. Hardholder is good shit, but it’s also big and requires more prep than basically any of the others, and then grounds you in a world I wish we’d had time to explore longer. 

I prepped a holding, with the help of our hardholder Mother Superior: the Red Priory, an underground market in the tunnels beneath the ruins of a city-which-was, located on the remains of an interstate highway in the slow process of sinking into the burned and blackened mudflats left behind when the wetlands dried up. I prepped some threats: a gas supplier to the west and a gang called the Crow-Eaters who were picking off caravans to the east. And then we jumped into play, opening in media res. Mother Superior was stranded, hunted by the Crow-Eaters as he tried to make it back to the safety of the Priory, while our other players (Charmer the Brainer, Kerrbox the Angel, and Rapture the Battlebabe) set out looking for their boss. Again, a breach of how the game is supposed to run, but opening with something high-octane felt important when we only had a couple of hours to dick around in the world.

We had a brief encounter at a blockaded highway, some good chats about the safety and feasibility of offroading on a dried up swamp (don’t), and an absolutely miserable (in a good way) knock-down, drag-out shootout between Mother Superior and his pursuers, which ended when an escaping Crow-Eater rode headfirst into our other players’ search party and wound up getting dragged behind a bike some five hundred feet down the road, psychically interrogated, and imprisoned in the Red Priory. Having made it safe — but badly injured — back to the holding, we capped off the session — and our story — with an attack by the full Crow-Eater gang riding a souped up bulldozer and a fleet of bikes which Kerrbox and Rapture road out to deal with while Mother Superior drifted semi-conscious in a hospital bed, dreaming with Charmer about the Crow-Eater’s boss, Lady Magpie — who, at that moment, was dueling Rapture guitar-ax-on-chains on top of the bulldozer. Every step in the process was sick as shit. The combat felt great, the social dynamics felt great, the shifting scales of threat and tension as things amped up felt great — and even with a couple of players with pretty limited RPG experience, the game felt like it had an interesting answer (or a way to find an interesting answer) to every question we hit. As always when playing online, I did wish we were in person (flipping through a book around a table just feels better than flipping through a book on a discord call) and we ran into the usual hiccups with to do the move, do it type games: cases where players had an interesting image of what they wanted to try which the moves didn’t quite cover and cases where players knew what move they were angling for but I had to push them to frame it narratively — but both of those things are solved by familiarity, and would have been smoothed out if we’d gotten to play for longer. 

There’s a slightly paradoxical way in which a one-shot of a GM’d game tends to rely more heavily on the GM than long term play does, especially when the non-GM players haven’t spent a lot of time with the game beforehand. Even if you aren’t expected to have prepped as thoroughly as you might for a campaign, the labor of hosting and facilitating has a tendency to balloon in a first session, and there were a number of times when my players looked to me for answers when, in a longer game, I’d like to think they would have felt comfortable answering the questions themselves. Some of this is just players getting warmed up to the space and to playing with each other, but there’s another edge as well: I think some players have a tricky time feeling like they can claim authorial power in a one-shot. A one-shot is perceived as a kind of bespoke experience, something hosted by me for you — a perception which, I admit, I play into when I end a Dream Library session by thanking my players for joining me. I don’t know why I do that — I certainly don’t feel that need when I GM an ongoing campaign — but I do.

Apocalypse World is a great game for breaking this habit. Even as I over-prepped for the first session, limiting myself to developing threats (and the basic setting details worked out with the hardholder) meant there were moments when not only did my players ask me questions I didn’t have an answer to, but questions which I did not feel I was the right person to answer at all, and I passed authorship off — either back to them or to another player. Breaking up the authorial duties by making it extremely clear what the MC is and is not is a huge part of what makes the Bakers work tick — and something I’ve seen them do in other, even more asymmetrical games (like the excellent Wizards Grimoire zines which are on sale right now). 

On top of that, though, Apocalypse World gives you Agendas, and most importantly the command to “Barf forth apocalyptica” which I mentioned once already. In a one-shot, having a textual instruction to answer questions with the most grotesque, evocative, and apocalyptic answer we could find was an incredible mandate which changed the world in the process of play. The mudflats got muddier as we went, the Red Priory seedier. By the time we met her, Lady Magpie had discarded her original fit for a massive cloak strung with bits of broken metal and glass which clattered and flickered with her every movement. 

Apocalypse World enshrines the call to lean into the obvious answer into its text, reminding us that it is, in fact, fun to play in genre. It is fun to play in the trope. It is fun to make things strange and beautiful and frightening purely for the purpose of being strange and beautiful and frightening. It fucking rules.

I wish, again, that I’d gotten to play it longer, and watched the world get even weirder and more apocalyptic.

Part 3: What Comes Next

I’ve got another session of Apocalypse World that I’ll be recruiting for in the Dream Library basically as soon as this post goes up — then next month we’re moving on to Night Witches and Sagas of the Icelanders to talk a little about historical fiction and genre. The schedule beyond that has been laid out, but only tentatively (at one stage, I had games planned to run until next April, which is absurd, but I’m trying to keep things flexible and let the unit lead us where it does). If you’d like to get in on the action, shoot me a message! I’m not posting the link to the Dream Library anywhere publicly at the moment, but genuinely — if you want in, you should come on in. If you don’t want to play, you don’t have to play — we’ve got a little text-based book club talking through the games simultaneously to our unit, for folks who can’t make it but still want to talk games.

On the other hand, if you want to run a game you should for sure let me know. I’ve already got a few guest hosts lined up, and I can’t wait to see what they do. Is there a game you think is secretly the key to understanding PBTA? Something you’ve been itching to try, but never found a group for? A game you hate, but feel obligated to talk about anyway?

Come and join. We’d love to have you.

We’ve got fourteen years of design to talk shit about, after all.

[marupunch]

Hello! May I please know what exactly are your thoughts on the craftsman and why you hate him so much? /genq

(I do agree with you but I want to know why so much hatred if you don't mind)

Don't worry and thank you for asking! Sorry this took so long but I wanted to deliver something complete and objective (I had to write this 3 times because the first one looked like a rant...)

Even though I don't like Craftsman, it's not like a "I hate the character" kind of hate, more like "I don't think he's a good person but I'll try to reflect that on my art instead of downright hating the whole character" kind of hate. There's actually some background on why I think like this so I'll try to be as objective as possible with my arguments to make my point clear.

Remember, this is just a personal opinion and it's okay if someone doesn't agree with me!

These are video game characters and we're all allowed to have different perspectives about them.

(...)

⚠️WARNING OF LOOOONG TEXT AND SPOILERS FOR ORIGAMI KING⚠️

It's important that we understand that Origami King is a game that relies a lot on Japanese culture to tell a story and that's why there's a lot of misunderstanding in the western part of the fandom about Olly and his character, motivations, etc. We must also understand that origami is a highly respected and important art form in Japan, therefore, its creation entails different guidelines rooted in the culture of this country.

Let's start with the most basic. According to the rules of this art, you are not supposed to write over origami. To be honest, you are not supposed to use any type of tool on origami other than the paper and your hands. I'm not saying that it is completely prohibited but this reduces the value of a work. See it as a form of "cheating."

Writing over origami gives an aspect of informality to your piece. And it greatly influenced how Olly perceived himself, since he took Craftsman's writing as something that reduced his value as origami and even ruined him, as a work of art.

In Japan, a very important aspect of society is how people perceive you, the image you give to those around you. Olly was supposed to be a king, immaculate and perfect, but he was tainted by the very creator of him. His image was ruined and his appearance became a symbol of shame.

Hence his fury towards his creator, which is more highlighted in the Japanese version of the game and is not hidden behind a joke of "All Toads are the same", as in the American version.

At the end of the game it is revealed to us that the message were words of encouragement and good wishes. But again, these are only visible once Olly is on the brink of death, as they were inaccessible in his normal state. They were good intentions, but they did a lot of damage, in the end.

It makes me wonder how the Origami craftsman, being someone who practiced this art every day, did not know such a basic rule. Or maybe he ignored it, but this also leads him to be a bit indifferent, since it doesn't seem like he had the implications of creating a life in general in mind, much less ruining an origami work.

Which also brings us to his motivations. In the game, Craftsman mentions, and I quote, "I don't get to celebrate my craft very often, so I might have gone a bit... overboard."

(Note: I'm the Spanish version, he says "Because people don't compliment my work very often." Yeah, that doesn't help my view of him.)

Although the general perception leaves us with a father-son relationship, Craftsman never refers to Olly as such, since from the beginning, he had created him as a craft, a way for people to praise his abilities, never having in mind a family or considering what responsibility it had to create a new life.

I think he never fully understood the concept of what it was to bring origami to life beyond them being talking dolls, a striking party trick, because also, seeing what Olly has done, he mentions to Olivia that he should never have used the Fold Of Life.

The reason she and Olly are alive in the first place. Even Olivia herself understands the implication of this comment, responding to her creator "Don't say that, I love being alive!".

It almost seems that for Craftsman, the Fold Of Life was just a creative choice about whether or not to put more detail into his creations. But for Olly and Olivia, that technique was their entire lives, literally. The choice of whether they existed or not.

Clearly until now there is a certain objectification on the part of Craftsman towards his creations, seeing them as just this instead of real children. And although there are vain attempts like the doodle on Olly or giving Olivia a weapon to defeat her brother, we can agree that they were not the most optimal tools to try to guide two children who he was supposed to protect. Not like his creations, but like his children. But so far everything is normal.

At least until the end.

Craftsman's first reaction upon seeing Olly's body is to appreciate the material with which he had made it. Yes, perhaps a bit of nostalgia in the creation of it, but ultimately it's a bit insensitive to mention that given that there is a life that has been taken, his son's life, again, showing the aforementioned objectification.

Even worse when, even if he's watching Olivia's expression, he congratulates her for "using the weapon he implemented in his design." At this point I'm trying to be objective, but this is a completely off-base comment. Not only does he not come close to comforting Olivia in a situation that is probably difficult for her, but he is too focused on what HE did to her that he barely does anything to support her beyond teaching her how to make a paper crane.

She just killed her own brother PLEASE just for once be a little emphatic

By the time the ending arrives, Mario seems much more affected by the loss of Olivia than Craftsman himself, who seems much happier for someone who should be mourning his creations.

I think that the scene in the Secret Ending is the closure of why I hate this character, because as I mentioned before, it dehumanized Olly and Olivia a little, treating them only as creations that served a purpose (making him gain recognition) only for them to end...

...being that. The key problem was never acknowledged, Olly and Olivia ended up being exactly what he wanted them to be.

As I mentioned before, this is my PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE about him. It's okay if people don't see him this way but the idea of Craftsman being this kinda insensitive and irresponsable parent makes a lot of sense to me. It just feels correct, specially after how Olly shows symptoms of trauma, like not wanting to see Craftsman's face again being the reason why he wants to get rid of all of the Toads, as mentioned on the Japanese version.

I'm not justifying Olly at all because I know he's wrong with a lot of things but the game tells you he's wrong. He gets his punishment and the whole character of Olly revolves around being a young, irrational king. On the other hand, the image the game gives you about Craftsman is a poor victim who didn't do anything wrong.

I think the worst part is that he never got a single punishment after this. Maybe being trapped in his basement but considering he was the one who started everything in first place, he doesn't seem guilty or even affected. I guess creating two gods, then having them both die in front of you it's just another day for Theofold.

TLDR; Craftsman is an irresponsable, insensitive and negligent father who traumatized Olly. Also a poop head. (?)

[just-another-star-47]

Scents 🌹

How does each and every person in Hogwarts smell?

Slytherin edition 🐍

Plonbraw edition (OCs) • Gryffindor edition • Hufflepuff edition • Ravenclaw edition

Sebastian 🦊

Its own odour tickles the nose like warm, damp earth on a walk after the first drops of rain have touched the ground. It envelops without being intrusive and awakens an indefinite anticipation of more whenever dark clouds gather in the sky.

He was and is often responsible for the fieldwork at Feldcroft, sometimes voluntarily, sometimes to escape the house and Solomon. To soften the traces of hard labour, he uses a nourishing balm for his hands, the delicate smell of chamomile and marigold accompanies him even into the castle walls at Hogwarts, as his rough hands are often seen by him as very unpleasant. He also takes care of the rest of his appearance, regularly buying hair gel in Hogsmeade to tame his slightly curly hair, the delicate smell of yang-yang is the result, mixed with the rose of his hair soap.

However, the slightly sweet note of his care products does not make the soft woody odour of his skin disappear, but rather embeds it in a sweetish warmth.

Anne 🐈

A field full of flowers in May, surrounded by the light tartness of the strawy grass - the nose can't miss it and makes anyone passing by think of cheeky children's pranks on balmy summer days.

Anne doesn't use perfume per se, but perfumed soap, in memory of her mother, with whom she associates the smell. The delicate scent of violets blends wonderfully with her own floral scent and is more restrained than overpowering. The soap is one of the few luxuries that Solomon allows and eventually buys himself, ignoring the objections of Sebastian, who was previously responsible for buying it and had often helped out in the neighbours' fields in Feldcroft to earn the necessary money.

The moment Anne's spring-like odour was replaced by the stench of medicines and hospitals was the moment when hopelessness sank its claws into the siblings' minds - the delicate smell of violets now strangely alien and a mere, sad reminder of days long forgotten.

Ominis 🐇

Fresh and cool, like the smell on a path that leads through a dense forest, where you have lost your way and yet feel only security. Ominis has a fine nose and therefore refrains from using any perfumed products - they only make him feel woozy or give him a headache. Nevertheless, the smell of cleanliness always clings to him, which seems almost minty. To escape the clammy smell of the Slytherin rooms, he stores his clothes between bags filled with lavender, which adds a hint of flavour to his watery inherent odour. In addition, the purple flower helps him against his restless states, which always afflict him.

Imelda 🐍

She spends most of her time in the air, Quidditch training not only a part of her that is ingrained in her blood, but that also affects her scent.

Leathery like a well-groomed Quaffle, slightly tart and spicy, the smell of the salty coastal wind of her home village never quite fades.

Imelda wears a perfume that her brothers gave her for her birthday - a slightly smoky note with a splash of invigorating lemon and exotic vanilla.

[doki-doki-lesbians-club]

hello! please rant about the comphet subtext in ddlc. i wanna hear it so bad please please please please please

Hi! I think I've written on this before, but I can't recall when or where, so I'll try and recall as many points as I can!

This'll be a long one, so under the cut!

For starters, let's talk base game. Obviously, all four girls fall for the MC and that's that. However, watching the ways that the other club members interact, it's pretty clear to many players that they have feelings beyond just friendship.

Namely, I sight Natsuki's poems. First off, the poem "Amy Likes Spiders" can be read as Yuri's love of horror (which is how I initially read it when I first played). However, it's also pretty easy to read this as either Natsuki's experience being trans, or being gay. Either way, that makes the entire narrative of the poem make sense, and also explains lines like "I tried not to let her touch me. She likes spiders, so her hands are probably gross." as well as "It doesn't matter if she has other hobbies. It doesn't matter if she keeps it private. It doesn't matter if it doesn't hurt anyone.

It's gross. She's gross. The world is better off without spider lovers."

Seems pretty clear, right? These lines may feel intense and out of place with other readings, but when you imagine Natsuki being outed to her shit friends as gay, or trans, it all starts to make sense.

Have you ever read the poem "I'll Be Your Beach"? Because it's gay as all hell!

We're led to assume that the romantic poems Natsuki and Yuri write are about the MC, but that would be odd to imagine when reading this poem. Natsuki writes about "your heavy thoughts", "your insecurities", and "your memories" and ends by saying "You'll learn to love yourself again." When, exactly, did the MC express any of these sentiments? Let alone to Natsuki?? But I think it would be pretty easy to connect all of these points to another girl: Yuri.

It's easy to see some strong subtext here for gay Natsuki (and maybe trans too, if you wanna see that). But when we break into the Side Stories, this is where it gets real interesting...

MC is not there. The Side Stories are purely scenes to read through to watch the Literature Club form for the first time as all the girls meet each other and get to know one another. Because of this, we get to see more of them and their feelings toward each other than we could have ever dreamed of in the base game!

Without giving too many spoilers for some of the best scenes in the entire game: the Side Stories are pretty gay. It's nearly impossible to ignore. These girls are clearly imagining each other as more than just friends, are going through some feelings. Each pairing even gets their own spotlight, and we see how each and every one of them has some interest in each other, which is a stark difference from the base game.

The main difference? MC is not there.

The base game has a lot of themes surrounding control, reality, and choices (or the lack thereof). Not only are all the girls destined (or "programmed") to fall in love with MC, it can't be avoided, even by Monika, who wasn't meant to have a route at all. They were already playing with the ideas of fate, and programming, and free will, but what happens when you remove the object that decided their fate?

Well, when we removed MC from the scenario altogether, we see the girls happier, getting along better, and showing interest in one another that we only got in subtext in the base game. To me, this leads to another theme of choice and control: compulsive heterosexuality. If part of the "generic dating sim" frame of their reality is forcing them to express interest in the male protagonist, even if they couldn't care less and really are interested in each other, that's the same themes but on a whole new level.

Left to their own devices, the girls are happy and expressing interest in one another. In the "game" they are forced to play roles in, we see their problems exacerbate, their situation spiraling, as they all desperately cling to the MC as the object of their affection. Seems pretty comphet to me.

Thank you sooo much for this ask! It's been a while since I wrote a long post like this! :D Speaking outside of my own trans/gay perspective, it seems pretty hard to imagine any other future for these girls in light of the Side Stories. And to that extent, I think the Side Stories gives us a window into a happier world; one where they are all free to grow and thrive as who they are, regardless of what that means for each of them! I think that's only further fueled this wonderful fandom: seeing them happy.

and gay.

Thanks again for the ask~!

[yuurei20]

Leona Info Compilation part 15: Leona, Riddle and Idia

Riddle says Leona may be “ill-suited” to being a Housewarden due to being born into a wealthy family (a point that was removed from NA), but whenever the two overlap they seem to get along well:

Riddle compliments Leona’s stage management during Book 5 and they interact quite comfortably together during Vargas Camp and a vignette, without any insults or back-handed comments, which is unusual for interactions at NRC.

During Book 2 Riddle even says that it pains him to see Leona in one of his collars (which he has never said about anyone else whom he’s collared in the game—Riddle usually seems to enjoy it).

Riddle even recommends that Leona tries to calm himself down in his own room after Leona nearly kills Ruggie which is a very lax reaction for Riddle.

The two Housewardens seem equally unamused by Crowley during the first Tsumsted and during Fairy Gala IF, and in Book 6 Leona lets an unconscious Riddle use his lap as a pillow for three hours.

Fairy Gala IF begins with Leona actively baiting Riddle into nominating a Heartslabyul student for the event by insinuating that Heartslabyul students are “herbivores with zero initiative who’re totally helpless without their housewarden.”

Riddle takes offense and proudly nominates Ace in order to best Leona’s nomination, Jack.

The exchange concludes with Riddle extremely pleased with the situation while Azul reflects, “Leona just played Riddle like a fiddle.”

Idia is afraid of everyone, up to and including Leona, but this does not stop him from mumbling disparaging things about him during Halloween.

After Idia trips in the forest behind the school and blames Leona mumbling “I bet you’re just skipping out on your dorm duties” to his face Leona reveals he can hear everything he says.

Idia claims he was joking.

Idia’s costume gets tangled with Leona’s tail (after Idia falls on him), and Leona cuts a part of the ivy on Idia’s outfit rather than his own fur as Idia incorrectly assumes.

Idia reacts with “This is why I hate Savanaclaw students. They’re just a bunch of hooligans.”

Despite this, however, even Idia admits that Leona is objectively attractive.

In a line that was removed from NA Idia blames Leona’s long legs on being in his way in (“Are you just bragging about how long your legs are?”), and during Phantom Bride he says that Leona and Malleus’ faces are both “mega-striking.”

Idia is very fond of cats and it seems he would likely be a fan of Leona’s for this reason, if only Leona were more “docile”.

Neither Leona nor Vil are interested in saving Idia’s life during Phantom Bride, and they call him out for trying to sacrifice them to Eliza in order to save himself.

While considering Idia to be a “blubbering coward”, Leona seems very much aware of Idia’s strengths, saying, “These ghosts are no match for your magic and smarts” when Idia gets possessed.

Despite his presumed dislike of children Leona seems more patient with Ortho, saying that he is not at all like Idia.

Ortho has a voice line about trying to tie up Leona’a tail, “…but he noticed me. I’ll do better next time!”

Leona also does not become upset with Ortho during Book 6 when he presents Leona with a video game that has been proven to be popular with house cats, despite how it leads to directly to mockery from other students like Vil.

He excuses himself from the situation with the reasoning, “They’re absolutely right. I’m beholden to my feline nature, so I get REAL sleepy during the day. I’d love to play more, but I know I’d conk out before long. Go ahead and let someone else play.”

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s5 episode 8 thoughts

after the last few episodes, i took a brief break to ponder life's meaning and other such things. but we’re back. 

initial thoughts upon reading the description: PUSHER LIVED?!?!?! mulder shot him!!! fired the whole clip in ‘em!! granted, it was just one bullet, but he sure did keep going like there were more of them in there.

it’s very rare we see the same monster or bad guy of the week twice, and the first time we met pusher was one of my favorite episodes of all time, so i’m curious to see if they can recreate the magic here. no pressure.

(author's note: while a good episode that followed in the first one's tradition of having the most intense last 5 minutes you ever did see, this one did not beat the original for me. in fact, some parts even bothered me, like the writers' constant need for mulder to always always always be right!! but not the ending. they nailed that)

let’s go!!

we begin with modell, aka the pusher, doing some physical therapy. he is relearning how to walk. but he is still in prison and being re-cuffed into his wheelchair after doing very well. the doctor asks if this is really necessary, and the guards say yes ma’am. you do not wanna mess with this guy. we know this to be true.

they’re talking about him like he can’t hear. and i know his name is bobby modell, but i still kinda wanna call him the pusher. so i’m torn on how to refer to him.

older guard says to the younger guard chuck that you must never, EVER underestimate this man. and believe me. i won't. chuck, on the other hand...

i bet the actor who plays modell was pumped as hell to come back. you know you did a good job when they ask you to return. 

there is a light flashing outside modell’s cell, so the new guard chuck goes in there to investigate, pepper spray in hand. it seems modell’s pressing some sort of medical emergency panic button. and now he’s whispering to the guard…

the older guard is back in the morning, and knows something is afoot because chuck is gone!!! and modell’s cell is empty… except chuck!!!! who cannot form any coherent sentences??

ahhh, yes, in case you forgot, he pushes you to do stuff against your will with his psychic powers. hence the whole showdown last time. that is a very key detail i somehow forgot. but yeah. that was good stuff.

mulder is here, but it is scully leading the way!!!!! a power walk!!!!

into a room where skinner is briefing a large crowd!! he has a funny tie. and mulder and scully are his S.A.C.s! hold on, i need to look that up. special agent…? ah, it means special agent in charge. that’s a title that looks good on them.

they tell the people about the way modell can inflict his will onto others, how technically all of the kills from before were self-inflicted, how he thinks he’s a samurai without a master, and he loves to play games. last time he thought he found a worthy adversary in mulder. this time, i hope he realizes scully is just as worthy. i would like to see this please. and i appreciate the recap for others who, like me, may have forgotten his skill set.

modell was comatose but then just woke up!! “it’s unusual but it’s not unheard of” <- yeah girl you’d know lmao

he still has his cancer in him, though. which i also forgot about: the tumors give him the powers. outlandish? well, yes!

scully is really concerned!!! and says that mulder leading the investigation is exactly what modell wants- he’s playing his game. mulder seems offended and walks away. lmao. i know he thinks he needs to suffer, but girl, c’mon. she is talking sense. he must know that deep inside.

(cue a deep scully sigh as he storms off)

downtown in a random sports store, a guy is watching the news of modell's escape, when in he walks!! this guy goes to grab something to fend him off, but modell turns it into a rattlesnake??? huh?? now he can summon living things??? this is a serious power upgrade. or is he just making the poor cashier imagine that inanimate object is a snake...

YES, HE IS JUST IMAGINING THAT THE BASEBALL BAT IS A SNAKE!!! woah. okay, so that makes a lot more sense than him now being able to create beasts after his stint in prison

modell steals some candy bars (he loves his candy bars!) and watches scully and mulder on the TV!!! you’d think they would try to not be on TV. but sometimes it still happens

the agents are talking to modell's doctor, who says that it is impossible his gunshot wound to the head left him good as new; he couldn’t have been faking his condition entirely. she then looks up and declares “you’re the agent that shot him” and there’s a thick silence until scully cuts in with the observation that he had a visitor in prison yesterday before he escaped. typical scully saving the day. 

the doctor is explaining that she never had a problem with him personally (mulder is mad as hell) when someone runs in to say “agents! it’s modell” so they RUN OUT in great style 

ohhh, he’s on the phone asking for mulder, and skinner is here to run a trace

ohhh!!! scully was so worried modell would suck mulder in with this psychic powers again... they just needed 30 seconds to trace the call, so scully asks for a time check!! and when he starts to get invested, she reminds him to hang tf up!! which he does!!

but i am interested in what he had to say… even if it was all lies…

scully says “don’t let him rope you in” and “mulder, hang up the phone” and him listening right away did a lot for me 

off to the sports store, where mulder finds modell's candy wrapper, but no modell. he’s outside! but is it really him??

mulder is running and running in front of traffic to find this guy… but i have this terrible fear he’s just going to get hit by a car. which wouldn’t be the first time. 

there is a real guy!!! in modell's jacket!! but it’s the poor cashier from earlier who thought the bat was a snake! :( skinner asks him very angrily where modell is and he just says “he had to go” hmm hmm…

modell is looking at a picture. he gets blue paint on it. and blue paint on a lot of things. some guy is covered entirely in blue paint? can you paint yourself to death? (we later learn this man is named bowman)

modell left a huge message in japanese on the wall of bowman's house! “i’m going to take a wild stab here and guess that this is a clue” <- deeply observant as always, mulder

does anyone in the squad read japanese…? now would be a great time to come forward and admit that

scully is investigating paint guy bowman. he swallowed it???? he drank the paint to death?? damn.

THEY DO FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN READ JAPANESE!!! shoutout to this side character. 

and the blue was modell's favorite shade of cerulean omg…

bowman was the one who prosecuted modell in 1996! wait, so… what year is it in this episode? let me guess… 1998? 1999? i honestly do not know. but they’re saying “1996” and not “2/3/4 years ago”, and since i don’t see which year each episode was made in on this devious streaming platform, i am left with only my best guess

he was writing the same thing over and over… "kitsunegari"… it means “fox hunt”!! which i guess is a pretty good description of what they are doing 

LMAO MULDER’S FACE he looks briefly flattered “well, that’s a little on the nose, don’t you think?” <- why is he hunting just for mulder!!! he is underestimating the prowess of scully here.

it seems this paint guy bowman had a wife, who i shall refer to alternatively as "mrs. bowman" and "linda", so they call her. and she isn’t in her office, but the person who picks up says she went to meet a FOX MULDER!!!! a bald faced lie, that was!!! for mulder is here, on the phone!!! so they’re trying to figure out where mrs. bowman and modell went. skinner calls the town’s police department right away. 

these cops are entering this warehouse sort of place… and modell’s in there!!!! but they can’t find him… he is leading them to him!!! this must be some sort of trick…. is cop A imagining his partner is modell???

agents on the scene. wait hold on. rewind. mulder was driving, skinner was in the passenger seat, and scully was in the back. this is amusing to me. anyway, they’re off.

ohhhh no, it IS cop A pointing his gun at cop B, thinking he is modell. poor cop B is screaming. yeah. that's tough.

scully asks the question: what does he want with bowman’s wife??

aww, she thinks he’s here for a tour of the property :( and she’s crying because she just learned her husband died :( poor scully has to ask the hard questions and she is also looking very sad :(

mulder… please call me

ohhh skinner coming in… he kneels next to linda bowman and says that she is safe with them!! usually people saying this means that things will not end well. he says they’ll place her in protective custody :( and he has his hands on her back :( ohhhh skinner…

“find him” “yes sir” <- scully never ever ever forgets to say sir. mulder almost never does it. says so much about their characters in such a small detail. i love it and i love to analyze it.

mulder has his hands in his suit pockets, thinking deeply. why didn’t modell just kill those two cops? hmm. he asks for a radio. 

ohhh modell is watching mrs. bowman being taken away…. he sees mulder…. who is entering the building…. and mulder finds another candy bar wrapper, knows modell is nearby, and pulls out his gun!! 

he’s going in alone… this is a terrible idea!!! everything is so suspenseful!!!

he radios scully, but modell is trying to tell him something. and he keeps telling him to shut up, but no!!! he has his psychic claws in his brain!!

modell is very sick and sweaty… and when mulder walks out, all he says to scully about modell is “he had to go” <- NOOOO 💔💔

okay, no pressure scully, but it seems your partner is down for the count.

ohhh, wait he’s back. okay. so the brain hijacking is really only temporary.

“how are you feeling?” “well, aside from the utter grinding humiliation that comes from knowing i let our suspect go, pretty good” <- lmao awww :( he's embarrased

ohhh, modell had a special message for mulder: “don’t play the game” <- is he talking about the evil alien tricks and traps the FBI has set forth for those two?

mulder thinks perhaps modell has changed… and that he’s involved with this whole case, but not the killer… scully wants to know how he knows if it’s really his own opinion!

“what do we still agree on here? that modell was pursuing linda bowman?” <- this was, for once, a masterful act of avoiding conflict. i’m almost shocked. usually for the last 5 seasons, these nerds would get into a cat fight over the logistics of how this could or couldn’t be possible, but he totally shifted it to "what do we both need to know and how can we find it?". i’m gagged. mulder, you’ve changed! this is character development!

linda is at the safe house, being questioned by the agents. ohhhh she is saying her husband thought mulder should have just killed modell, and it would have saved the taxpayers the cost of a trial. girl, he shot him in the HEAD, he was doing his best to kill him!! scully is watching him as she says this to gauge his reaction

OHHH... linda said “brush”, and i was thinking, hmm that’s suspicious after earlier activities, and now she just said “paint him as that” and i am INCREASINGLY suspicious… and mulder says back “he was true-blue” ohhh they’re speaking in riddles… 

so what does the part about only being married two months and two days mean….? anything at all?

(author's note: yeah it didn't mean a damn thing <3)

mulder seems to think that linda killed her husband! scully is shocked to hear this. perhaps, mulder posits, it was her game he warned against playing, and modell was there during paint time, but not involved.

OHHH scully tells him that she does not agree at all..... and SKINNER SUSPENDS HIM!! he cannot be trusted after modell had access to his mind! skinner takes his gun!!!! but you have to remember, this mulder guy usually has a slay little ankle gun in his sock. so he might not be down for the count.

linda comes out and asks for water… they lock eyes and he says he’ll prove it. “GO FETCH HER SOME WATER”, he yells back at skinner. see? about what i said earlier? no “sir” there. 

mulder goes back to visit modell's doctor, who says that a nun once described modell as a “conquered warrior”. OH he thinks the nun might be linda!!! but the doctor can’t find her glasses to make an ID!!!!

OH MY GOSH??? she’s on the phone and says “oh yeah, he’s here” (why are they talking about him??) and then she GRABS the electrical box and fries herself!! he’s calling for help!!! he is doing some CPR, but idk if it’s looking good for her….

modell is being taken into jail. allegedly. who knows if it’s really him or not? he tells this guard to go home. and this does happen.

someone is now approaching linda… it’s modell!!! he locks the door behind him as he enters the safe house!!!! 

mulder calls scully to say that it must have been linda on the phone with the doctor ordering her to fry herself, because she might have identified her, and he tells her to cut off any access she has to a phone. hmm. 

NOOO they might have fallen for a trap…. scully tells all the agents to get back in the trucks…. 

skinner is seemingly alone with linda at the safe house, trying to enter the locked room. OHHH he kicks down the door!!! modell announces that he has a gun. skinner says get on the floor NOW and modell doesn’t, so skinner shoots!! he is a man of action 

linda is here too, and modell points to her on the floor…. as if to implicate her for the crimes!

mulder is back after previously having been booted, and skinner does not seem happy to hear him. mulder is trying to explain that hearing modell say he has a gun makes one sort of just appear in his vision. and that really modell was unarmed. so skinner just killed an unarmed guy, oof.

mulder thinks that modell is taking the fall for linda, and scully is asking, well why the hell would he do that for the real estate lady? and she went home anyway; she clearly wasn't a threat

mulder says he needs to be the first person modell talks to when he gets out of surgery…

i want mulder to be wrong so badly and just blaming this whole elaborate scheme on some random lady. he’s right too often. so he’s just standing there over modell at the hospital, lmao.

BUT IT TURNS OUT THE NURSE AT THE HOSPITAL IS LINDA!!! who uses her ability to walk right past mulder. so did she come to modell in prison to learn his secret power or something? are they having an affair?

she gets on his bed and grabs his hand. “why did you do it? i didn’t ask you to come after me” 

she says she’s going to finish what he started, but he asks her to stop……… 

she uses her mind tricks to try and alleviate his pain… and then she starts tricking him into dying?????? so he dies and she lays her head on his chest. i'm receiving mixed messages here on if these two even liked each other.

mulder sees someone running into the room and realizes modell died without talking to him!!! and linda left an address on her little index card that said “nurse”.

so he goes there…… and he hears scully?? but is it really her?

SHE HAS A GUN.

“you were right about her, mulder. she’s making me do this” <- HUH???

MULDER MAKE HER STOP, SHE BEGS. HE’S YELLING. HE’S YELLING. SHE PUTS THE GUN TO HER HEAD?? AND FIRES??? AND HE’S SCREAMING???

he’s cradling her head but there is only a tiny drop of blood… was it fake? but the rest of the blood follows soon

OHHHHH NOW “LINDA” IS SAYING THAT SHE’S SCULLY AND SHE’S NOT DEAD…. oh my gosh the mind games….. he sees scully bleeding out behind him, but is it really her? he has his gun up and he’s yelling “you killed her” at "linda", and i recognize this scene from a gifset i have reblogged before without context… 

“YOUR MOTHER IS TINA. YOUR SISTER IS SAMANTHA. modell warned you. don’t play her game” <- OHHHH (“linda” shoots at someone behind her)

(he turns and realizes that it really is scully he’s talking to, and she shot the real linda, who asks “you think you can hold me?”)

(see, if i were scully, i would have pulled out some more niche mulder facts than his family members' names to prove it was me. i would have gone for "YOU WERE TERRIFIED OF STICK BUGS AS A CHILD AND SCREAMED A GIRLY SCREAM AT THEM" but i understand that it was a very intense situation and perhaps that thought was not on her mind)

wait, i need to rewatch that. hold on. hold on….. 

the way he watches “scully” in distress, thinking that it’s really her. she's begging him to make her stop as she clicks the gun, screaming his name as she turns the gun to her own head… and how he screams “NOOO!” and cradles what he thinks is her dying body...

and then he talks to real scully, but he sees linda, and he growls that he’s going to kill her… he looks down and sees scully’s dead body…..

he keeps screaming at her to shut up… with this animalistic, out-of-body fury in his eyes…

and then scully saves the day and shoots the real linda, who was standing behind him….. and he sees it’s really scully standing in front of him… and she gently grabs his arm… before calling an ambulance…

that was a very intense scene that deserved such a rewatch.

(screams into my hands real quick at the angst)

(she says “we’d like an ambulance” and i think that’s interesting that she uses “we” to refer to them both as a duo even to a total stranger, but i can imagine that possessiveness is still high in her bloodstream after almost watching him kill her, thinking he was avenging her own death)

so, wrap up time with skinner. linda too had the advanced temporal lobe tumor that modell had… they were TWINS??? but they only found out 6 months ago. and scully guesses she wanted revenge for what they did to her brother

(skinner turns to mulder) “anything you want to add to that?” “no, i think that covers it” <- (visible confusion on skinner’s face) ohhh you know it’s bad when mulder actually shuts the fuck up.

OHH but skinner wants to see him after… mulder nods at scully that he is okay to handle whatever this is alone…

SKINNER WANTS TO JUST TELL HIM HE DID A GOOD JOB?? “you were way ahead of me” “i almost killed my partner” <- yes, and this will haunt him forever just the way i like it.

“you won her game” “how come i feel like i lost?” (skinner does not know what to say as mulder sadly leaves)

bro, he was trying to be nice to you… 

this episode wasn’t as good as the original, but it is hard to live up to such high expectations. however! it was still VERY good.

i liked the first one so much because they were so in sync about everything. they were even in constant close physical proximity to hear modell's phone calls. and the joking!! and her falling asleep on his shoulder!! mixed with the angst!! it was the perfect recipe.

this one felt like another “mulder is the specialist boy of all time and he is so smart, he sees what everyone else cannot” episode, which we get an awful lot of. STILL, he was tricked in the end, and the angst was delicious. i liked that they were both wrong- her about linda being evil, and him about scully being dead.

what i was really hoping for was that at the halfway point when mulder had modell get into his brain, that he would be down for the count for the rest of the investigation, and modell would shift his target to scully, realizing she was also a worthy adversary. and then the same things could happen just in a different direction. someone let me know if that is a fic.

but, just because it wasn’t as good as the first does not mean it wasn’t good at all!! okay?? i mean that!! him screaming at her thinking she was her own murderer??!! i mean come on!! where else do you get that?

and skinner overtly complimenting him, for like, the first time ever?? mulder has always seemed like he wants skinner to let him in so bad, in a way that is too much to want from your boss that probably comes from being raised the way he was. and it finally happens where skinner says "you did it son", and he’s all, "no i didn’t, i almost killed scully". he’s too wrapped up in his own eternal labyrinth of guilt to acknowledge that skinner is giving him approval. chef’s kiss

oh, and scully screaming his mother and sister’s names, begging him not to shoot… i wish we could have seen gillian anderson act that out, BUT it contributed to the illusion to not see that. and her whole faking scully’s death scene was amazing anyway, so i can’t complain with what we did see. 

scully was really worried about him, and it makes total sense, especially if you recall last time her screaming “DAMN IT, MULDER” as pusher made him hold the gun to his own head, and then as she watched him try and shoot him like a million times despite there only being one bullet. it makes sense that she wanted him to go home and stay away from the case. it makes total narrative sense. she was looking out for him, she was scared. when we see him in the OG episode, it’s probably the most overtly terrified we ever see him! i think of that scene where he’s shooting at the range, so terrified he has to brush up on his aim. so her protectiveness makes sense. but still.

i get annoyed with the “only mulder can solve this case” episodes after like, 5 seasons of them. i wouldn’t complain if the ratio was more even between them. but like. when bigfoot exists in this world and mulder’s like “bigfoot is real” and she’s like “don’t be ridiculous” and then bigfoot IS real, we get a lot of him being right already. it feels that, despite this, the narrative wants to keep convincing me that he is the smartest boy, as if i forgot. and i did not forget. i do not see why we need to emphasize how smart he is and not do the same for scully.

i was also hoping for any sort of acknowledgment about last episode, but they just kinda ignored it which is fine too i guess lmao. i mean sure, we can just give scully a baby, kill her off, and act like nothing happened /s

anyway, rereading this episode's notes was a funny experience because i fully fell for mrs. bowman's tricks. lmao. it is also funny that they were twins separated at birth, but it turned out that her husband put her brother in jail. the very sort of shenanigans you expect from such a show!

[littledeathh]

I'll add the disclaimer that this is headcanon, partly because I value dramatic impact over facts where there is a gap in the lore.

I think Varré is a Tarnished (can take you to Roundtable Hold, has seen Fingers) and has previously killed his own maiden. Being Tarnished doesn't necessarily make one a follower of the Order in your new life, as can be seen from the Dung Eater, who is a canon Tarnished and thus once served Godfrey.

Furthermore, the game goes out of its way to emphasise how rare it is to see grace. The Erdtree is an object of faith. Most people in the Lands Between cannot even see it. Varré knows what grace looks like. The vision of grace can also be lost (Boggart- "Can you see it? Enjoy it while it lasts."). Varré can/could see grace but concluded it is nonsense, broken when the ring was shattered ("path you are meant to follow even if it leads you to your grave").

Varré says "The Roundtable Hold is a gathering place for Tarnished who seek the ER. Normally your being maidenless would preclude your admission. But I can make an exception, every now and then. Besides, I like you." Surely this had to be cut, otherwise it makes little sense, does Rogier have a maiden? Who is Varré to judge whether someone has access to the Roundtable or not?

Here's arguments against Varré being Tarnished: if Varré has awoken in his new life as a Tarnished, does that imply that the fellow nameless masks did too? The chances of that seem unlikely, although it may make a bit more sense if there used to be numerous and only a handful awoke, continued about their business as war surgeons and then were kidnapped by Mohg.

Here's a counterargument to that. Godfrey is the first Tarnished, and has never died and been resurrected by Grace. If so, then the war surgeons could have been cast aside by Marika at the same time as Godfrey.

Varré criticizes the Two Fingers because they "harbour no love for our kind. That's the part that irks the most." But he never specifies what "our kind" is. It must mean something that the Tarnished and Varré have in common. It is being a "Tarnished"? Is it being a human?

To me, that reads as though some sort of betrayal on the part of the Two Fingers. As though Varré once believed they had the best intentions, but have since revealed themselves to be selfish in their design.

"My doubts had been piling up, you see. Truly, naught but rambling, senile delusions. I believe, that when the ring was shattered (...) their guidance, skewed."

If Varré wasn't Tarnished, he had to at the very least been a past follower of the Two Fingers. That makes sense to me, like the connection between Christianity and Red Cross organisations. The "misericorde" is a tool of Christian mercy, through murder.

Resources:

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Tangentially related, as other NPCs describe Varré

It is interesting to note that Varré can teleport you places (whisking Eleonora away, taking you to Roundtable if he "judges" you apt, Pureblood Knight's Medal). Varré was likely the person coordinating the Bloody Fingers and was possibly who sent Nerijus after you.

Varré is far more connected than he seems and "doesn't let his guard down". Even Sellen has dialogue related to Varré.

"But first. Listen up, wretched curse-peddler. This is a vile craft in which you engage. (...) May you shudder between breaths."

This implies that Sellen knows or assumes that Varré is physically in the vicinity, stalking you, always watching, as she speaks directly to *him*.

This means Varré is canon almost always watching you, even if you can't see him around.

Varré possesses curseblood, which is hereditary, and having a child with him with leads to the birth of omens. The Erdtree rejects curseblood and taking Varré's blood pact means your life continues only by the Grace of Marika. All other Bloody Fingers deaths are permanent including Varré's.

If Varré was the only one to tame the cessblood, and that presumes that the other Nameless White Masks got lost to the bloodlust, losing their names, does that mean that before Varré, all those inoculated were nameless, and afterwards they became named Bloody Fingers? For example, the Sanguine Nobles display the greatest amount of change to omen blood. Nerijus and Nataan wear the Sanguine Noble robes but have no horns yet. Therefore, could we assume that the stock Sanguine Nobles were pre-Varré, while Nerijus, Nataan, Eleonora etc were recruited afterwards, keeping their names?

[tavyliasin]

Disability Pride Essays - Enver Gortash, Invisible Disability, and Visible Mobility Aids

Our focus this month has mostly been on our heroes (or perhaps, in some cases and paths, antiheroes, but companions nonetheless), but what about the villains? Gortash might not be the most sympathetic character, given all the morals he doesn’t have, but he’s important, popular, and altogether quite fascinating. This bonus round will take a look at a few of the more subtle details in his character, from the mobility aid to some things people have noticed in how he moves and interacts. There is a lot to be said about his traumatic backstory and how this impacted his life and decisions to where his moral compass does not point where most would prefer, but it would be a disservice to pretend that all disabled people - and indeed all disabled representation - are beyond criticism and are somehow icons of perfection. We are, I’m afraid to say, just as flawed as anyone else~ Which of course does not mean that we’re all out there making plans to dominate the world with a captured Elder Brain. That’s a little much…

What is Gortash’s Disability?

Gortash is far from the youngest of the adult characters, but he is also not of a typical age that one would expect to see mobility difficulties. And that is exactly what we have on the surface - though it is only seen in a couple of scenes, he has a rather ornate cane which is used for walking at times. There’s also an element of mental health with Gortash, and whilst we could do a deep dive into the causes I don’t feel that’s entirely necessary - the effect is in a few subtle details that some players might have missed.

How Do We See The Disability In The Game?

A lot of what we see is in Gortash’s outfit and inventory, though some have also pointed out that the way he walks and uses stairs looks very similar to how someone with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome might move (this condition is characterised by a weakening of connective tissues, leading to a higher chance of dislocation in joints and potentially differences in range of motion as tendons and ligaments are looser). This was fascinating to hear and I feel like I should absolutely go back and look at the scenes to see if I can spot those subtle shifts in motion and posture, though it is important to point out that quite simply you cannot always tell if someone is disabled or in pain just by observing them. There is the cane mentioned before, that is only in a couple of scenes but has made such an impact that it quite often makes an appearance in fan-created works, too. Another key item is his coat, which many refer to affectionately as “The Anxiety Jacket” - this might on the surface seem like a practical item to protect him from the influence of magical effects that cause conditions such as Fear, but many like to see it as a garment that also reduced anxiety and other similar symptoms. We can also see the gauntlets he wears as being a parallel to forearm and hand braces - though they’re not particularly accurate to actual support equipment, there are plenty of people who will wear specifically adapted braces in those areas. They might even have a couple of fingers uncovered as Gortash does, in order to better manipulate objects and prevent accidental scratches/injury from natural reactions like rubbing one’s eye when it’s sore/tired.

How Does This Reflect Real Life?

The cane is a very direct parallel, even in how it is not present in every scene with him. We only see it a couple of times, but it’s there enough for many of us to take note and to perhaps feel a little validation and representation from that. A lot of people who use an aid like a cane may not need it every single day, and use it only as and when required to maintain their strength but without struggling needlessly on bad days or risking making things worse. So whilst an argument could be made that “the cane he uses is only decorative” that doesn’t quite add up, as surely he would have it with him when holding the huge event to impress all the patriars - more on that later though. With the gloves, braces and even compression gloves are common accessibility aids that can support and protect joints and reduce pain. Granted, ornate golden metal is not usually the first choice, but like the cane we can see this as Enver making his mobility aids match his outfit/style. Plenty of us do seek out more stylish mobility aids, or otherwise decorate them with all sorts of things from stickers and paint to badges and keychains. It would be very interesting to see braces or supports styled like Gortash’s bracers and gauntlets. His coat could also be a parallel to how some people find a lot of comfort and anxiety relief from weighted blankets or even weighted garments that apply a level of pressure to the body in just the right way to feel soothing. This is particularly known for anxiety and neurodivergent people, though plenty of others have also found this to be helpful and calming.

Invisible Conditions and The Importance of Appearances

So in the community you might see people talk about Visible Disability and Invisible Illness (illness and disability are interchangeable here). What this refers to is whether a condition is something that people can instantly recognise, and usually won’t question. This might be a mobility aid like a wheelchair or crutches, or a white cane for visual impairments/blindness, or a service dog, or visible braces for joints. There are some borderline ones like walking canes which are a visible signal of disability but might not always be respected as such, particularly if the user looks younger and not the expected elderly person using a cane to walk. But many people who still need accessibility services and options - like disabled parking spaces or to use the lift instead of stairs - may not have any of these visible differences. It may be a heart and lung issue, or chronic pain that doesn’t require a mobility aid, a fluctuating severity condition, mental health and developmental/learning difficulties - numerous conditions can affect people in ways that are not immediately recognisable, so we call them invisible.  When you look at Gortash only having his cane for a couple of scenes and not in others, and how the gauntlets specifically serve another purpose of holding the netherstone, you can argue that his conditions are mostly invisible ones. Or that he is attempting to keep them that way, at least. He holds a position of high regard and clearly to some degree cares about appearances given how ornate his clothing is and how he presents himself as a powerful and charismatic leader of his people.

Were he to walk out in front of the crowds using a cane, it would more than likely turn a few heads, or even appear to be a weakness to those who might use it against him for their own gain. To someone with as large a target on your back as he has, even with all of the power of being Bane’s chosen, it’s unwise to give anyone an opening.  

Mobility Aids and The Anxiety Jacket

There are a lot of different mobility aids that people use in their daily lives, and some are even ones that are not needed every day. It isn’t unreasonable to suggest that actually Gortash’s use of the cane is like a part time mobility aid user - he doesn’t need it every day, but he does need it on a bad day when a symptom is flaring up or he has to do more than he usually would. The jacket might also, as well as acting in a similar way to a weighted blanket, be akin to how some people have favoured clothing items that give them comfort. Something like a jumper or jacket, a hoodie that is comfortable and feels safe to wear. Keeping things stylised, as mentioned earlier, is just another way that people incorporate their mobility and accessibility aids into their personal tastes. It’s similar to how people prefer to choose glasses that they feel look nice - it’s not just about the function of the item, technically any style of glasses will serve the purpose of correcting someone’s vision easily. They’re there all the time, so having them coordinate with your sense of style and taste is logical, and can make you feel more confident and positive about wearing them. It’s the same as anything really - you choose a coat not just for how it keeps the cold and/or rain out, but also for how it looks. Mobility aids aren’t always so interchangeable - it’s tough to afford or even store a whole range of wheelchairs or crutches - so choosing the right one and making it fit is important at the start. Enver’s cane is ornate, and in keeping with the themes of other things he wears all the time. As a game character, naturally he just has the one recognisable outfit, but it’s plausible to say that were he to have a more varied wardrobe it’s unlikely there would be anything that clashes with gold and black as a colour scheme. 

Function and fashion, essentially, don’t need to be entirely separate, even when we’re talking about disabilities. 

City Design and Accessible Buildings

Now, I might be remembering entirely incorrectly on this point, but from my memory and the screenshots I was looking at, it seems like Wyrm’s Rock Keep might actually have full step free access. There is a lift (elevator) that goes up to the upper floors for the coronation and to upper rooms, and I don’t recall seeing steps at either drawbridge entrance or in the doorways to the publicly accessible rooms either. It’s an odd point to bring up, and hardly seems relevant to the rest of the game, but I do want to invite you for a moment to think about the game map and your own local area. In the game, there are a huge amount of places only accessed by stairs, streets that are cobbled and bumpy, a complete lack of accessible routes. Of course it is a fantasy game where there is magical healing, but if you want to go into deep lore then there can still be disabilities in fantasy settings, and magical healing is very expensive. Adventurers end up with plenty of coin, but this is from selling things they find or steal, from rewards for completing tasks that carry a strong risk of death to each, from killing foes and raiding their pockets for loose change (I’m not judging you, it’s a game and they don’t exactly have a Will tucked into their back pocket telling you who to give their coin to). The average citizen, however? The amount needed to pay for high level healing spells or potions is more money than they would make in over 50 years, and that’s if they didn’t have daily living expenses to account for. So to pull that back into the real world, look at the world around you. Each business you enter, notice for a moment - does it have a stepped entrance? Anything more than an inch could prevent a disabled person from entering. Is the speech or conference you are watching being interpreted by someone using sign language? Are there braille marks on important buttons like door openings or bus stop bells? Have textured paths that white cane users need as guides for routes been blocked by anything? Is there enough space for a mobility aid user to safely navigate between aisles and displays in a shop? Sometimes it can seem like there is no need to add accessibility, because you’re not seeing disabled people around who need them. But to that I like to remind people of two key points - first, if a place isn’t accessible, we can’t even try to be there in the first place (or we don’t want to give our business to someone who has not thought of basic access needs), and secondly we are still a minority, so the percentage of us in the population whilst still significant is far lower than abled people.

What We Can Learn From Gortash’s Story

It feels strange to say “hey let’s learn about this unrepentant villain and how he can represent us” but the thing is we do need diverse representation. Just as we shouldn’t have villains be the only characters to portray disability (directly or indirectly), it would also be unfair to have disabled characters only permitted to be pure and virtuous. Disabled people, and disabled characters who represent them, are people. Whole entire people with wants and dreams, needs and desires, faults and flaws and mistakes and everything that makes us all human. We cannot - and should not - boil them down to only being their disability. Gortash can be representative of how people’s conditions may vary, how some days they may need a cane but others they might not. He might be an example of someone who hides their condition, or whose needs vary from day to day. It’s good to remember that in real life someone who is disabled might be able to do something one day, but not the next. It doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be entitled to help that they need to do that thing on the days they can’t, nor should you be assuming they always need the support if it isn’t being requested or used. He can also show us how mobility aids and supports do not need to only be functional. If someone can afford to have a gold inlaid ornately carved cane, why shouldn’t they? If someone wants to have braces or joint supports that are decorated and match their outfits, that should always be an option available to them. I would also like to invite you to take the time to look at the world around you and thing about how things may be accessible or inaccessible to someone with different needs to your own. As a wheelchair user myself, when I started using wheels to get around I was taken aback by just how needlessly difficult it can be. Businesses with steps, curbs not properly dropped to allow for road crossings, vehicles parked too far across pavements and footpaths, even accessible toilet facilities being used to store extra bins or other supplies because there’s more space in there - forgetting, of course, that wheelchair users need that extra floor space to be able to enter, turn, and navigate when inside. If you do notice that a business doesn’t have a step-free entrance, that there’s no lift or level crossing to change platforms at a train station, that a car park has no disabled spaces, please consider speaking up or notifying whoever is responsible for the area.

I’ll round this one off to remind us all that it’s ok to find parts of ourselves in a villain’s story, and even to feel a connection to a fictional villain. Love them, too, if you like - I know I often do~ You can find a whole breakdown of why I feel we like fictional villains - and how this does not make us bad people - right here.