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oathkeeper-of-tarth · 9 months ago

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Here's another long-winded post about me combing through BG3 early access files in search of Aylin and Isobel tidbits - rummaging that already resulted in this post right here. Let me just say I'm pleased to have brought Aylin Silverblood some attention because, again, I think it's a dope name.

Now, obviously, Isobel and Aylin are both Act 2 characters, and early access only covered Act 1. So anything related to them is partial stuff that wasn't scrubbed from the game files for whatever reason, and a lot of placeholders (these are usually indicated by |the text being in vertical lines|). This all means that sometimes (usually!) there are no nice voice lines indexed by UUID and parseable dialogue trees, and you have to trawl through a giant localisation XML of every bit of text in the game instead. An additional complication is all these stories were in flux, but older bits of writing from deprecated iterations didn't get immediately removed from the files, so it's sometimes hard to tell what belongs to which version.

The biggest luck I've had with regards to these two is the 24/11/2021 version of the game - EA Patch #6 Hotfix #19, aka game version v. 4.1.1.1356845, aka the source of Aylin Silverblood (my beloved). Here's a handy list of the patch and hotfix history, if you're like me and interested in this stuff. I'm actually wrangling files from 5 versions of the game right now, ranging from March 2021 to July 2022 - it's been a fun time. This old datamining post on reddit really helped narrow down the timeframe for me to look into.

Why am I doing this? I genuinely find it fun and interesting! There's some neat writing to be found! I crave more Isobel at all times! And I'm always into WIP and "how the sausage is made" type stuff. Also, tons of cool inspo for fics and headcanons.

Note, because I know that's a popular EA tidbit: this is all from after the Halsin killing Isobel variant was scrapped. This is, in fact, the version where she gets killed and soul trapped by Balthazar, and Aylin gets framed for it.

I'm going to start this off with my favourite part, and that is snippets of an early version of the Aylin/Isobel reunion from 2021. I've done my best to put them in order, but be aware a lot of this is still me speculating.

|[CINE: Nightsong teleports the party to the plaza in front of Last Light. As she looks around trying to familiarize herself, Isobel notices your arrival from the balcony. Her reaction is pure shock, followed by an immediate rush down the stairs.]|

|[CINE: Isobel dashes out of the front of the inn, wide-eyed and out of breath. Nightsong stares at her, stunned.]|

Aylin: |(distant, shocked) Isobel.|

Isobel: |Aylin...|

|[CINE: Nightsong takes an instinctive step towards her but stumbles, collapsing to her knees, eyes blown with pain and disbelief. Isobel closes the distance between them in hasty steps, trying to help Nightsong up, but Nightsong tightly grips at her arms - as if the contact makes everything real.]|

|[CINE: Isobel's eyes fill with tears as she drops down to the ground, throwing her arms around Nightsong's shoulders in a tight embrace. Shaking, almost fearful, Nightsong returns the embrace - the first kind touch she's had in a hundred years.]|

|[CINE: Nightsong draws back from the hug, looking Isobel in the eyes. Isobel helps Nightsong to her feet. As the two of them stand, they keep their hands linked.]|

Aylin: |A hundred years. Isobel, light of my heart, where were you? (choking up) I found your body, I....|

Isobel: |I was dead, Aylin. For so long. It was Balthazar - he trapped my soul, he-|

Player: |[Doesn'tKnowRelationship] You were lovers? Did Ketheric know?|

Aylin: |(jaw tightens) We were lovers. Her father was against it. He saw nothing but future misery. I'm immortal. I would never age, but she would.|

Isobel: |He didn't understand. It doesn't matter when... (fearful, as if worried Aylin's feelings might have changed) ... I still love you so much.|

Aylin: |(her first genuine smile) And I, you. No trial or pain could ever change that. (relaxes a touch) It is why I couldn't leave your body, even when they came. Balthazar and that Sharran witch told your father that I was to blame.|

|And he believed them over you?|

Aylin: |(frowns) He believed what he wanted to believe. Ketheric saw his daughter dead, and he saw someone he wanted to hurt. Shar took that cruel thread, that moment of mortal pain, and used it to corrupt him to the core.|

Aylin: |I was put on trial, and I had no defence. The moment it was over, I was taken down to the temple and... well, you saw what they had done.|

|Isobel presses against Nightsong's side, face tight with worry, running her fingers in slow strokes up and down Nightsong's arm.|

|[CINE: Nightsong tilts her head back towards the player.]|

Aylin: |These heroes saved me. Without them, I'd still be trapped in Balthazar's soul cage, with Ketheric gripping my heart like a leech.|

|[CINE: Isobel's face falls at the mention of her father's name.]|

Isobel: |A *soul cage*? Gods.|

Isobel: |I didn't know. Gods, he didn't say a word to me. I ran away because it was Balthazar that brought me back. As I ran, I heard my father shouting... but I'd seen enough. There was no saving him.|

Aylin: |You are not your father, Isobel. (sad, wry smile) You were the only thing that kept me alive in the dark. When hope began to fade, I simply thought of you.|

Isobel: |[To player] Thank you. (smiles wide) I... I can't possibly thank you enough, for bringing Aylin back to me.|

|Nightsong smiles too, but she's lost looking at Isobel, completely tuning out everyone else around them. Isobel leans in, resting her brow against Nightsong's and closing her eyes, Nightsong's hand clutched to her chest.|

Then, there is an option to press Isobel for details:

|You said the necromancer trapped your soul. Why?| |Was Balthazar the one who killed you, Isobel?|

Isobel: |(hesitant, visibly guilty) I think Aylin would know better than I do. The last thing I remember is a blade in the dark. Too fast to feel pain. Then silence.|

Asking Isobel to go with you to Moonrise was possible at various points, leading to different responses:

Will you come with me to Moonrise? I could use your help. If we're going to stop Ketheric, you have to come with me.

Until there is a way to keep Last Light safe, I cannot leave. All I can do is pray. |Not if everyone is killed at Last Light in my absence. I'll do everything I can to help you from here, but I won't go with you.| |Not if everyone is killed at Last Light in my absence. If someone else could take my place, I would go with you. I swear it.|

|Nightsong is here, she will protect Last Light - let's go to Moonrise, like you promised.| |I want to spend the night with Aylin. Meet me at Moonrise tomorrow.| |Nightsong will protect the people while together we can stop Ketheric.|

Isobel: I... we need to get close to him, don't we? And Aylin can protect Last Light in my absence. Aylin: Isobel, I have just gotten you back. To put yourself in his hands again-

Looks like we would've had a flip of the current Act 2 boss fight, and Isobel would be the ally for the confrontation with Ketheric, not Aylin. Also, that one line right there that is our first indication of Succor™, gotta love it. Sadly, post-reunion I only have:

|TBD: Post Nightsong Reunion.| |How are you and Aylin doing?|

To borrow release version Isobel's stock line: KEEPING VERY WELL, I HOPE? In any case, I'm putting the rest under a cut, featuring options for calling Isobel out on her parentage, Aylin being from Mt. Celestia, and Balthazar being gross - among many other things.

At one point quite early on, Isobel's protection from the shadow curse wasn't a spell, but an ointment:

|Ointment of Selûne| |Ointment Container PLACEHOLDER| |Isobel filled this with precious doses of her sacred Ointment of Selûne.| |First get the ointment from Isobel.| Have you received Isobel's ointment yet? What protection can her ointment offer, exactly? You should see Isobel. If Marcus does crop up, I'd sooner you had her ointment to protect you. Can use that cleric's ointment to get you on your way. But I have to move out - now. Can I get some of your ointment? No more theories! It's time for action. Our secret weapon needs to travel to Moonrise Towers, which means they'll need your ointment. You have the ointment. You have the Gate Stone. Moonrise Towers awaits. Are you sure the ointment will last long enough?

What is now Isobel's Ominous Cough was a gradual weakening that was remarked upon and seemed to be there to create more of a sense of urgency:

I won't claim to know Isobel's craft, but Selûne's light is bright in her. Isobel's tough - though she was tougher at the start. I've rarely seen a cleric so in tune with her goddess, but the curse is taking its toll. The light used to be stronger, Isobel. How much more of this curse can you take? You look paler than death, Isobel. How much more of this curse can you take?

We have some nice concise infodumps on Ketheric:

After Ketheric turned to darkness, the Enclave joined with the Harpers to unseat him and his Sharran cohorts. We marched together, fought together, bled together... and in the end we prevailed.

Only it wasn't the end. Nothing seemed to kill Ketheric himself, so the Harpers decided to seal him in his own tomb, alive. They thought that would be enough. But they hadn't counted on Ketheric unleashing the shadow curse. We watched it drain all light and life away from this place, saw it twist people into abominations. The Harpers lost hope.

Ketheric wove the curse on this land. The moment he was sealed in that tomb, Shar's poison devoured everything in its path.

Fallen paladin. Champion of Shar. He was building an army bent on unholy conquest, but we stopped him. Killed him. Buried him.

It was not enough. General Thorm lives again. He's built a new army, and this time he marches under the banner of the Absolute.

November 2021 is the earliest mention of Aylin I found, mostly marked as not finalised and placeholder dialogue (and that reunion up there). The Nightsong as present in that patch is still very different from what we ended up getting - nobody was killing her, in fact people were coming to get her "kiss", and there was a whole thing where it seems like Shar would directly take control of her and you could help her overcome the curse, or abandon her to it - or kill her.

Embrace the Nightsong and be sworn to Eternal Shadow.

Anyway, here are her lines (all of these exist as voice files, which is rare for stuff I put in this post - but they're done by a voice actress who doesn't sound like Helen Keeley, our final Aylin VA, so I don't know what to make of it all tbh):

Shar is the Nightsinger, and I am her Nightsong. I am her instrument, transforming the faithful into shadows. I've been here for centuries. Do you know how many priests of Shar came here, full of faith, seeking my kiss? I've been here for centuries. Thousands of Sharrans came here seeking my kiss. I drink their sorrow, their loss, their grief. Then I vomit it back into the world. All of them are shadows now. That is Shar's only reward. But Ketheric returned for my kiss, over and over. You're the first to survive my kiss intact. You're the only one who can help me. Please, you have to help. No one's ever resisted the kiss before. No one has ever resisted my kiss. But you are not merely *one*, are you? That thing in your head must be incredibly powerful to resist a goddess. Perhaps it's also divine in nature. Because a mind can't survive two masters. It breaks us. Shar's attention must be elsewhere. Speak quickly. She's watching now. She's waiting to steal my voice. But it won't last. Please - listen! I was captured by Ketheric Thorm, Shar's chosen. He turned me into this creature. I'm a slave of Shar. She owns me, just like that thing in your head owns you. I want to sing my own song. Not Shar's. Not *Ketheric's*. Find Ketheric. Kill him so I can be free! Slay Ketheric. His wretched existence binds me to this temple. Oh. That made her angry. The Lady returns! She has me again! *Again!* Stop! You've driven her away!

I am not your *spectacle*. Turn away before I strike you blind. Tell them to come and receive my kiss.

Some possible relevant tags, interactions, and outcomes include:

|The soul cage has greatly weakened Nightsong| |Debug: click to save Nightsong (sets the flag to talk to Isobel)| |We sided with Ketheric and doomed Nightsong.| |Companion comment!||But if his power is linked to this Nightsong, there must be a way to unlink it.| |You have taken control of Ketheric's Soul Cage| |You are bound to Ketheric's soul cage, taking his regenerative powers for yourself| |Bound to Soul Cage| |Soul Cage Key| |Soul Cage Research| |The book details the necromancer's research on the soul cage| |There is a glimpse of Isobel's ghost, as she takes her Father with her to the afterlife.| |There is a glimpse of Isobel's ghost terrified and in agony. Both Isobel and Ketheric will disappear.|

At one point Isobel delivers her own, Ketheric's, and Aylin's backstory as "a story", but sadly I can find very little of it, just disjointed fragments:

You seem to know a lot about Ketheric. He was a devout Selûnite who converted to Shar. They say it was Ketheric's purity that drew an angel down from Celestia. You're Isobel Thorm. The daughter who died in that story.

And there seem to be many options to question Isobel about her hiding the truth about her father:

Why are you lying to me, Isobel? Everyone thinks you're dead, Isobel. Tell me the truth, Isobel. Everything. Still, Isobel might have saved us some time had she been honest from the beginning. |Why didn't you tell me what happened from the start, Isobel?|

Ketheric. Don't you mean your father? Ketheric is your father. I know the truth. Ketheric told me at Moonrise. He wants me to bring you home. I need your father to trust me. He wants you back. You sent me after your father - Ketheric. I think we should discuss Ketheric - your father - first. For all you've said about Ketheric, you left out the part where he's your father.

To which I've found some responses:

And would you have trusted her? Ketheric's daughter? Why didn't I tell you that I was murdered, that my soul was locked away for a hundred years? What would I have told her? That my father murdered her fellow Harpers, but that I can surely be trusted?

[Attempt to read Isobel's thoughts.] *You see Ketheric standing before Isobel, although the memory is hazy. His words are unclear, but his tone is not - he is pleading with her.*

Brought back by the same man that killed me. Balthazar. Standing next to my father with a smile on his face.

But I'm not sure it would have mattered. To stand with that man, my father has surrendered to deepest evil.

I would love to know what the whole pleading thing is about, and what Isobel "didn't know" that she claims didn't matter anyway.

My father. After a century, he somehow brought me back. But I saw the monster he had become. I couldn't bear it... I ran. I ran until I found Last Light. It was like a second home to me, once. I've been studying the curse ever since, searching for answers. Trying to restore the damage my father has wrought upon this land. It's possible I may have to sacrifice myself. But this is my father's crime.

And then, there is this nugget I cannot place but that I like:

|Your father's due will come.|

There is also an option to tell her Nightsong is Aylin (who was, at this point, a full celestial - no mention of being connected to Selûne, though, and in fact, if she was indeed from Mount Celestia as mentioned in the "story", she would not have been):

Isobel: My father's curse still blackens this earth. Have you found anything? Player: A celestial, chained to Ketheric's soul. Player: They called her Nightsong, but she told me her name was Aylin. Isobel: Aylin. She... she's alive. I knew she had to be, I… Player: Ketheric's necromancer took her to Moonrise. Isobel: His necromancer? Gods, you have to free her. Isobel: You have to go to Moonrise and free Aylin. When Ketheric is weak, this can all be over. Isobel: The truth is that I would give anything to see her again, and anything to stop my father. Free her, and you do both. Isobel: At least, the shell of my father. There's nothing left of the man that championed Selûne. Isobel: Find her. Free her. If Ketheric isn't stopped, all of us are doomed.

Player: |[Doesn'tKnowName] Aylin? Care to explain?| Isobel: The angel in my story about Ketheric. That was Aylin.

Speaking of Balthazar. Some lines from him:

[Introductory note: please imagine everything Balthazar says spoken with a wheezy voice, as if he's permanently out of breath.]

[I need to retrieve the Nightsong, but the temple is haunted and my minions cannot make it past the trial grounds. I cannot go there until the ghosts have been dealt with. Now that you are here on behalf of Ketheric, you will do all this for me.]

I, Fodder, am here on behalf of General Ketheric Thorm. Down in the depths of this temple writhes his desire. I am to bring it to him.

I created the Nightsong for General Ketheric, many moons... HEAR THAT SHAR? Many moons ago.

*As you hold the necromancer's mocking gaze, you can tell how it starts to dawn on him you are not the mere minion he thought you were.*

Along the way I found some more recent Patch 8 (2022-ish) gross Balthazar lines, some bits of which have actually survived to release:

She was a unique specimen even before I began my work. Aasimar. A god's blood united with mortal flesh.

Such fine clay she was. We grew quite close as I… remoulded her. Now she is General Thorm's shield. Her strength is his to drink upon. His pains are hers to bear.

If I never exceed her, I will still die happy. If I ever do something as gauche as truly dying, that is.

Utterly revolting! Makes my skin crawl! Man deserves a yeeting into the Shadowfell a hundred times over! But in order to not end on a gross note, I leave you with:

Ketheric Thorm. Murderer. Oathbreaker.

Aylin Silverblood. My true name. Nightsong was only ever a curse.

#isobel thorm #dame aylin #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #aylin x isobel #balthazar #datamine #early access #long post #i have more of this stuff actually but this post is already way too long #so stay tuned i guess

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bokettochild · 10 months ago

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👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

I mean, I've only really got the one that I'm actively working on (other than Febuwhump)

You know how Majora and the Fierce Deity were both sealed away from the world by a power greater than themselves? Well, this story focused on the idea that they are both under the same curse, so if one is freed, the other will be too.

Now, there are three iterations of the masks, one for every timeline. If you assign Legend as the Link of Triforce Heroes, he's got one of them, Time obviously has another, and Wild has the third (or does he?)

My story works on the premise that either mask can lend its power to a user, but there's some math involved. If the user has only very weak magic, then they will absorb the power of the mask over time in order to compensate for their lack of power. If they have equal power, it's a give and take, and if they have greater power, then there's no effect at all. (+ > -, + = +, ++ > +)

Time is the first, but because he overused the mask, he absorbed more power than he ought to have and it's sort of overwritten his natural born magic, hence why his appearance is changed.

Wild's mask has only a boosted attack, but it's very weak, almost like there's no spirit inside anymore, so he doesn't face many effects.

Now, you probably saw this coming, but yes, Legend's also going to use the mask. Except I gave it a twist! As Hylia's descendant, Legend's actually got ample power himself, his issue is that when he saved Koholint, it was his soul in the dream and not his body, so when he was returned to his physical form, the Windfish didn't properly bind his soul to his body. So, while he's not super affected physically, he is magically, because there's a disconnect that stops him accessing his own magical core. He has power, he just can't use it in his body. However, the FD mask latches onto your magical core in order to shift your body to match the deity's form more, so by using it, Legend can gain a body that can easily use his natural given magic. But, since wearing the FD mask basically just allows Legend free access to his own power, he's not actually drawing much if at all from FD, and thus not absorbing the magic of the deity.

The story is basically that Legend doesn't explain this to the others, and those who know anything about the mask come to think of it as a risk that Legend is taking far too liberally (Time is their proof). Our beloved captain, whose not quite himself for reasons, ends up destroying the mask, which leads to the release of the god and the demon, and the heroes have to scramble to fix the problem.

So yeah! That's my current big project right now!

#asks and answers #ketto's WIPs #linked universe #linkeduniverse #lu legend #lu time #lu warriors #lu wild #fierce deity #ketto's writing misadventures

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sanjuwrites · 1 year ago

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wip wednesday

IM BACK! i have been gone for a hot minute because my life caught on actual fire, but im back and better than ever baby <3

to make up for it, i'm posting two different snippets from two different fics, one firstprince and one tarlos! enjoy! thanks to @alrightbuckaroo, @birdclowns, and @inflarescent for the tag!

agent reyes

TK greets him in the morning with a cup of coffee.

The cup is made to perfection, and Carlos is seriously starting to doubt how much Paul is really involved in TK’s agenda here.

Carlos murmurs a quiet thank you instead of screaming like he really wants to and approaches Marjan, who’s in a hoodie with the hood up, furiously typing.

“Marj, have you even slept today?”

“No sleep when we have a crime syndicate to take down.”

“Okay,” he says slowly, “but I have access to information that the CIA has spent years compiling. Why are you botheri- oh.”

Marjan flips her laptop around and Carlos is startled to find a clone of Sean Cunningham’s l staring back at him. “Marjan, what the fuck? How the hell did you – what?”

“Turns out Cunningham’s lackeys are kind of idiots because the video was sent from Cunningham’s main compound, where he stays. Really, the asshole apparently hasn’t ever heard of a firewall–”

Paul, who’s wandered over, interrupts her. “Marj, get to the point. You do this every time.”

Marjan rolls her eyes but continues. “I traced IP addresses back from the ransom video that was sent to TK’s email address and from there I hacked into his Wi-Fi connection–”

“Marjan, I don’t think any of the intel departments at Langley can do this.” Carlos is staring at her in awe.

She smirks at him, before continuing. “You fools need to stop interrupting me. Anyway, I just hacked through the four laptops hooked up to the Wi-Fi connection until I figured out which one was his. Voila!”

Carlos ducks down, pressing a palm flat to the table as he scrolls through the laptop. “Marjan, this is insane – we have data here that I could only dream of having.”

Marjan smiles tiredly, sipping at the mug of coffee Nancy hands her. “Babe, I think coffee is the last thing I need right now, but thank you. I love you very much,” she says while pressing the mug into Paul’s hands, “but Paul and Carlos are going to play now. We,” Marjan says, pulling Nancy close, “are going to go to bed now. ” Judd whistles from where he is in the kitchen, drawing a laugh out of everyone in the room.

Nancy wraps her arms around Marjan in reply, “You heard her, gentlemen. I will be taking my girlfriend to bed now, and I expect no interruptions. My girlfriend needs her beauty sleep. It’s decaf, by the way!” she says, her voice faraway now.

alex runs for congress

“Politics hasn’t been my dream for almost twelve years, sweetheart,” Alex says softly, not really making eye contact with Henry.

“Alex, I know what happened with Richards and the emails was brutal, but we have nothing holding us back like that anymore and –”

“It’s not Richards, Hen, it’s you.”

That stops Henry cold, and he looks at Alex, mouth open in shock. “What do you mean?” Alex stays quiet, and Henry pushes further. “Alex, what do you mean?”

Alex continues to avoid eye contact with Henry as he starts talking again. “That night I came to Kensington Palace, you told me you wouldn’t trade one prison for another. You’re barely free from the Crown, Henry, and I don’t want to drag you into the circus of American politics, not when you hated being in the public eye so much, to the point that it almost cost me you. I refuse to let anything cost me you again, so I put all my dreams in a little box and locked it away, because I would rather live a quiet life with you and immigration law than a loud one alone in Congress. I was wine drunk at one of Mom’s fundraisers when I was talking to Erica about wanting to flip Texas again, and I didn’t think it would ever really come up again.”

Henry doesn’t answer, grabbing Alex’s face between his hands and pressing a featherlight kiss to his lips before resting their foreheads together. “Love, I didn’t realize you had that in the back of your mind, and that this was what is stopping you from entering politics. Listen to me,” he says, moving them so he’s looking at Alex eye to eye, “nothing is going to stop me from spending the rest of my goddamn life with you. You could lose your job, become a house husband, or go on to become the president of the United States, and I would not care.” Henry takes a deep breath, and lets it out slowly. “Do you want this, Alex? Like without the influence of anything else, deep down, do you want this? Do you want to run?”

i'm gonna tag @carlos-in-glasses, @catanisspicy, @theghostofashton, @welcometololaland, @rmd-writes, @paperstorm, @bonheur-cafe, @chaotictarlos and @lightningboltreader!

#sanjuwrites #agent reyes 👀#sanjuwrites rwrb

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missmungoe · 1 year ago

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Hellooo!

I was wondering is the fic about kid luffy sleeping in the bar and shanks carrying him upstairs in AO3? I mean it probably is not because I have already re-read most of them.

If it is not I think it would be great for download and easy access.

And I have stressful times right now, have lots of exams and work. I have to take my mind out of them a little. Soooo can I ask kindly are there any snippet that you can share? I mean I think I already memorized most of them especially Andromea 😄 WHİCH WAS JUST EPİC. Buggy and my girl Makino what a duo.

And finally thank you for all your amazing stories.💙

Hi! I haven't posted that fic to AO3 (yet) because it's a scene from a longer one-shot. I know it's been a WIP for ages and that I could just post the scene and be done with it, but I also really want to finish this fic, so once I have, I'll post it on AO3 ;)

And I'm so sorry to hear you're having a stressful time! I'm not sure this snippet will make it any less stressful, but here's a sneak peek of my next update, which believe it or not is Bind Me to the Tide - aka, the Soulmate AU I started and then didn't touch for three years (oops). But hey, better late than never!

She ran.

The darkened cottages disappeared as she hurtled past them, half-stumbling in her desperation, her skirt gripped between her hands and her breaths gasping. She didn’t even know where she was going, knew only that she had to run, even as she felt the tug where she’d cut her finger, like an invisible tether, drawing her back towards the bar, and the captain she'd left there.

The look in his eyes was burned into her mind, the moment of recognition she'd feared ever since he'd walked through her doors. Or maybe it was in her soul she felt it, a brand carved as deep as the scars on his face, and a knowledge just as cruel: that there was no running from the truth, or from him, now that he knew what she was.

She ran so hard she tasted blood, her breaths sobbing as she stumbled through the dark, the village behind her as the forest opened up ahead. It was almost too dark to see, nothing but the moon to guide her, the star-strewn sky weighing heavily over the fields where the windmills waited, their sails silent in the still air.

An idea seized her, and before she could second-guess it she’d climbed the fence, nearly falling in her hurry and scraping her palms on the rough planks, too panicked to remember that he’d be able to feel it, but she wasn’t thinking as she ran through the tall grass, her boots slipping in the soft soil as she scrambled for the door to the windmill.

The darkened interior greeted her, the round chamber lit by the shaft of moonlight piercing the mill’s only window. A stack of crates leaned against the far wall, and a ladder climbed up to the level above. As a child, it had been everything from a castle to a pirate ship, climbing the ladder with her imaginary sword, or a book tucked under her arm; had been whatever her imagination had needed it to be at any given moment.

Now Makino needed it to be a hiding place, although it wasn't chores or a scolding she was hiding from, a little girl's worries, back when she'd known no greater fear than her mother's disapproval.

Huddling behind the crates, her knees drawn up to her chest, she tried to be quiet, but even with her brow pressed to her knees, she couldn’t stifle her shivering breaths. Her heart was beating so loud it hurt, and she wondered, terrified, if he could feel that, too.

But even if he felt it, the bond only bound them through their pain; as far as Makino knew, it couldn’t tell him where she was.

Maybe he wouldn’t think to look for her here, if he thought she'd try to lose him in the forest. Maybe he’d even think she’d fled to Goa, and search for her there. If she could just stay hidden long enough, then maybe…

But even thinking it, she couldn’t forget his eyes when he'd looked at her and known, a recognition so vivid she still felt it, like the dull throbbing in her fingertip. And she knew then, in the quiet depths of her soul, that there was no escaping her fate, or the bond. That she could run and hide all she wanted, but that there was no way he would leave her port now that he knew.

No, there was only one thing that would grant her freedom now, the only thing that could sever a soul-bond. Even bound by the Fates’ will, there was one choice she was still free to make, even if it would be her last.

The door to the windmill creaked open, and her breath seized as her eyes flew up.

The pale moon outlined the tall figure in the doorway, his cloak draping from his wide shoulders, as though he'd dragged the night with him. He wasn’t wearing his straw hat, although with the moon behind him, Makino couldn’t see his face, but then she didn’t need to, a hundred nightmares resurfacing, the shadowed figure in her dreams replaced with his features as she knew them now, the high, regal brow and the chiselled jaw, and his breathtaking features warped with the wide, gleeful grin that had been carved into her memory.

Stepping across the threshold, the moonlight illuminated his scars, and she felt the phantom pulse in her own, and Shanks had barely taken a step inside when she moved, snatching the corkscrew she kept at her belt, the polished handle gripped between her white-knuckled fingers and the sharpened tip pressed to the soft underside of her throat where her pulse leaped wildly, her voice lashing from her, sharper than Makino had ever heard it.

“Don’t come any closer!”

#Shanks x Makino #Shanks #Red-Haired Shanks #One Piece Makino #One Piece #opfanfic #One Piece fanfiction #mungoe writes #Soulmate AU #and ahhhhh thank you!!!! I'm so happy you liked Andromeda<3

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knotalot · 9 months ago

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Hi ! I saw your Aether doll, and I was just wondering what's your process for the hair and the clothes? A friend's birthday is coming up (very) soon, and they really like Aether, so I'd love to know how to make this kind of stuff. I think you're really talented! :)

Hi! Thank you for your kind words :)

My process is largely on a ‘trial and error’ basis, but I’ve done my best to make a guide for you (using Aether as an example, since you mentioned him specifically). Unfortunately right now all of my stuff is in storage due to unstable living conditions, so I hope you’ll forgive me for only being able to offer pre-existing photos and hand-drawn diagrams. When I get access to my stuff again, I might do a step-by-step process for hair (for Lumine, since she’s my current WIP) but that could be quite a while yet.

Stuck under a read more because this is gonna get long lol

I’ll start with clothes because I always leave hair til last.

The first thing I do is hoard as many references as I possibly can, from as many different angles as possible. These are the one I used for Aether (made myself because I couldn’t find any online that met my needs), though I did also sometimes log into my game and rotate him in the character menu haha

From here, the next step is to start dissecting the layers. Work from the base up, and break it down specifically into what you would make as a single piece, rather than say the shirt base AND the sleeves AND the decal. If that makes sense.

I don’t normally draw diagrams or anything like I will be for this, but if that helps you visualise it by all means do!

(I also tend to go really ham on the details because I’m a perfectionist, but please don’t torture yourself unless you really want to. Making things a little more simplistic is perfectly fine and valid.)

I won’t do the whole thing or I’ll reach image limit but here’s an example of how you might break it down:

The more you simplify it, the easier time you’re going to have.

The next step for me, after I raid my cupboard and the local craft store for the right colours, is to work out which pieces of the clothing I’m going to incorporate into the doll’s base body and which will be separate.

For Aether, for example, the ‘hand’ part of his gloves are the actual doll’s hands, but the bit that flares up his arm isn’t. The boots are part of his actual legs up until the part where it flares up over the top of his pants, which I made as a separate piece. The seat of his pants are the bottom half of his base body, but the pant legs themselves are add-ons. Does that make sense?

Next, make your base body! If you’d like to use my pattern, you can find it in my pinned post :)

Once you’ve got the base doll, I start adding layers of clothing. I always use a smaller hook size for the clothes than I do for the base body. In my case I like 2.5mm (and a teeny tiny 1.25mm for fine details and thin layers – but we’ll get to that later). I normally start with the pants.

My normal method of doing pants is this:

Essentially, I crochet directly into the base body in a circle around the base of the leg (so I am not chaining, but actually single crocheting through random stitches on the base in a loose circle shape), and then work in rounds until I reach the length I want.

Because Aether’s pants are puffy at the bottom and have two colours (*shakes fist at hoyo designers*), though, the process ends up being a little different.

I made his pants in two pieces: the outer side and the inner side. So instead of rounds, it ends up being rows. To get that nice puff, just do some standard increases in the right spot and make sure to decrease on the lower rows to taper it back in.

Once you have both pieces, you can just sew the two halves together.

The flare of the boot over the top of the pants is exactly the same process. Attach and single crochet directly onto the leg from the top of the boot, working up towards the waist.

For trickier shapes like the gloves, it’s sort of just familiarising yourself with what kinds of effects different stitches do and allowing yourself to get it wrong about a dozen times before it actually works lol

If you break down the gloves properly, you end up with a shape similar to this:

(this is not great i am so sorry – I am realising once again my reference was awful for the gloves)

But you can kind of see how it’s largely bulb shapes for the brown part, which is easy to do with increases and decreases. The white part I made separately and attached afterwards. Yes it was a huge, tedious pain in the ass.

For finer details, like his jewellery and, like, the shoulder armour, etc etc, I use the smallest hook I can tolerate. Please do not attempt this unless you lowkey hate yourself because it is torture.

So when you look at yarn, you can see that it has a bunch of smaller strands wound together, right?

You gotta split em.

Like this.

(image borrowed from http://illuminatecrochet.blogspot.com/2015/03/what-is-ply.html)

And then. You are going to use that tiny ass hook. And crochet those individual strands. It sucks. It breaks constantly. It makes you want to commit a crime. But damn if it doesn’t look good.

On a similar note, don’t be afraid to use the 2.5mm/whatever hook you use for clothes with less than the full ply of the skein you’re using. For Aether’s cape, I did the outer facing white part with only 2 of the strands in my 8ply yarn, and the inside orangey part with the 1.25mm and one strand. It’s still a little fatter than I’d like but it’s better than doing the whole thing in single strand torture mode lol

I’ll wrap up clothing here but if you want some help with anything specific just let me know!

On to hair!

For hair, I use felt square sheets that are like $1 each. Except for Aether because he has to have a Very Special Hair Colour that my craft store doesn’t stock so his cost me $7 :/

It’s a similar kind of deal for hair as it is for clothes. Break down the shapes and start from the bottom up.

(This is not a good look for him rip)

Layers are your friend! As are sewing pins! For real, do not glue anything down until you’ve got the whole thing pinned down because once you glue you’re in for a bad time if you need to fix something.

I’ve made two Aethers (one as a custom gift commission, one for myself) and they’re both a little different from each other, but this should help give you an idea of how I translated it to felt. I like to simplify if I can, purely because larger pieces tend to look a bit neater and less chaotic than a bunch of smaller ones.

For his braid, I found the easiest way to do it was to just cut three really long straight pieces, braid em, and then trim the end to the length I needed.

My absolute biggest #1 tip for hair:

If it looks bad but you haven’t finished, do not stop and restart.

It will always looks stupid as hell in the early stages. Don’t make a judgement call on whether or not it looks right until you’ve at least got the whole front part/fringe area fully pinned in place. Trust me.

I think that’s probably about all I have the energy for right at this second, but again if you have any questions or want help on anything specific, my inbox/DMs are always open – and that goes for anyone reading this! I’m always happy to help :)

#hope this is useful for you!#answered

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lubelzoldyck-artworks · 2 years ago

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👁SOMEBODY'S WATCHING YOU 👁

"Illumi, having been born into the post-apocalyptic world, was a mutant. His skin was blueish with rougher, almost scaly-feeling patches. He had pointy ears, large, deformed fangs, and the right side of his face was covered with several extra eyes, as if his very large black eyes had not already been unsettling enough. He also had sharp claws and a tail which somewhat looked like a rats tail. "

...

HELLO HELLO 🌸 It's been a while hasn't it? I realized I did 0 serious fanart in April for some reasons. Nothing but that Gamzee WIP 😔 sowwy...

My mind has been everywhere lately! I still have to continue Homestuck, I also started rewatching Versailles and being extra frustrated at how badly they represented Philippe d'Orléans... I also went on vacation! T'was great 🌸 but now I have to get back to art!

I believe I have been unconsciously paralyzing myself by putting pressure on myself. I kept thinking "you have to do This Specific Artwork you have to finish it you have to do this you have to do that... I realized I really should just draw whatever I want to draw in the moment! I mean, as long as I don't habe commissions, I can draw whatever the heck I want, after all!

So today I remembered my dear friend and RP partner @forbiddenseason (check out her art blog @forbid-art !) drew my version of Illumi in our nuclear apocalypse AU! We agreed on doing a little collab witg me coloring her lineart, so that's what I did!

In this AU, a nuclear war happened and the whole world is now an apocalyptic wasteland where the remaining human beings ended up severely mutated by the now omnipresent radioactive radiations. Illumi, in scavenging duty for his family, meets Hisoka, a wandering merchant who has access to precious and much needed medicine. Illumi wants to do business with him, but since Hisoka doesn't need the services of an assassin, he ends up trading... something else. 👁👁

I had fun coloring this piece and I am really happy with it 🌸 someday I'll draw him in my style :))

If you like this fanart and / or my art in general, please consider tipping me or commissioning me! 💕

Likes, reblogs and reactions are greatly appreciated! Thank you 🙏🏼

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cherokeegal1975 · 8 months ago

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My Cabin, WIP. Almost finished.

I just need to complete the bookshelf. I'll get there eventually. This is a digital restoration project for an older work from around the 1980s...possibly from the 1990s. I can't remember when I did this one exactly and I didn't really start to make any major improvements in my artwork until my early twenties. There's a marked difference between this artwork and the ones I started to do in the early 2000s. Tutorial books were a big help. So are online tutorials, but I don't think I got regular online access until I was about 23 sometime after I got my first hand-me-down laptop.

I'm making no effort to improve anything in this redraw, only to preserve a fading artwork. It's getting up there in years, and the colors are wearing off some.

I still haven't gotten my own home. Been wanting one for as long as I can remember. First it was just a place to play when I was a kid, later as an adult...well it's still a place to play, but also a much-needed home and sanctuary. Maybe someday I will, but by now things look really hopeless. Among other things, I'd love to have my own creation space specifically set aside for the purpose of drawing. Basically a computer office space with nice bookshelves. Maybe a small space set aside within it to kick back and read in. I'm tired of making due with sitting on my bed with my computer, wires and all that just so I can have a spot to draw on. I keep thinking all those wires are a kind of fire hazard and it's not easy to get up with all that stuff on my lap. With a desk (which I have no space for even if I could afford it) I could just stand up and leave things as they were indefinitely. Now days, if I want to draw, I have to break out the equipment every time, spend time drawing, get yelled at for staying too long, get yelled at some more for taking the time to pack up and put away my equipment. The people I live with are often very mean to me. It's one of the main reasons I need to move away.

Okay, enough sad. I know this drawing looks like crap, but I think it's worth preserving because it was a step in my process of learning how to draw.

#cherokeegal1975 #digital art #fantasy #digital redraw #traditional art

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jessiarts · 2 years ago

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Mobile-Friendly FAQ

Made this so my FAQ can be accessible on mobile. Placing under cut for now to spare my follower's dashes lol

Welcome to my FAQ! Look through here for anything you’d like to know about me, my art or commissions! If you have a question that you can’t find here feel free to send me an ask!

Who are you? I’m Jessi, and this is my blog. It’s possible you may have found me from such popular posts as Infinity War Rewrite Comic, or that little sad creator blorb comic. Or, more likely, you found me completely by accident and you’re wondering how the hell you got here. In that case, hello, I hope you enjoy your stay. There’s plenty of doodles for you to entertain yourself with.

Do you take requests? Yes and no. Sometimes I’ll have posted in my Pinned Masterlist whether I have a specific type of request open or not. Other than that, I will sometimes take requests for things that I consider are “for everybody.”

What do I mean by this? Well, if you request me to make a comic or other art based off a popular tumblr post, and I can vibe with the idea, chances are I might do it, and then I’ll post it on my account so everyone can on tumblr see and enjoy it. However, I don’t really take requests for personal projects, like book covers or OC’s. I don’t consider these “for everyone” as they are really only going to be for the person asking for it, and therefore I will only take these by commission.

How do I make a request? I typically have in my Pinned Post whether requests are opened or not, and what kind of requests I’m accepting at any given time. If requests are open, simply shoot me an ask requesting something within those guidelines and I’ll see if I can draw it.

Note: I am not required to draw each and every request, and I reserve the right to simply not draw any request made, for any reason.

If there’s something you really want to see me draw (like a specific ship), or if you wish to request something that falls outside the current request guidelines, you might be better off asking for a commission. Commission Status will always be listed in my Pinned Post right below the Request Status, and you can look there to see if they are open.

Can I request a tutorial? Sure thing, I can always try! Just bear in mind there’s a good chance that it might take me awhile to finish it! Are you on any other sites? Yup. Here’s my linktree!

I’d like to support your work so you can make more! How can I do so? You’d be surprised, but even just reblogging* any of my art that you enjoy is actually a huge help in supporting me as an artist, as well as any other artist whose work you enjoy. Plus it’s free, win for everybody! Also, I have a Patreon, if you’d like to support my work financially as well as see my WIPs and get early access to upcoming projects! I also have a Ko-Fi, if you simply feel like giving me a tip for my artistic efforts lol You can also see below for my Commission FAQs or purchase prints/shirts of pieces of mine that you enjoy on Etsy or TeePublic!

(*For clarification, I’m ok with reblogging my work, which means hitting the reblog button to share it on your blog/dash with your followers. I am not ok with reposting my work, which is saving my work to your device and uploading it to your own post on your own blog/site. I clarify the difference because it’s become a source of confusion for many, hope this helps!)

Commission FAQ:

Q: Do you take NSFW commissions? A: Not currently my thing, really. Sorry.

Q: How long does the commission take? A: It all depends on how complex your commission is, where you are on the queue, and how quickly you respond to my draft approval requests. Completion time is usually anywhere from a few days to 2 weeks.

Q: Do you do rush delivery? A: I may charge extra for rush delivery, and I reserve the right to do so at my discretion. Especially if I’m being asked to complete a complicated commission in a very short amount of time. Chances are I have other commissions that I am working on that came before yours, and putting one on rush means that I will need to focus more energy on getting that one completed while still continuing the work for the jobs I’ve already started. (No one gets put on the back burner here!) I will always be upfront with how long a commission will take. I know how long it takes to complete the level of detail that I include in my Digital Painting Commissions. For example, I can not and will not promise to complete a photorealistic painting that will require 23 hours (6-8 days) total worth of work in 6 hours (1-2 days). It’s impossible. If I believe I will not be able to meet your rush deadline I will respectfully decline the commission.

Q: Will you paint real people? Can I request a portrait of my grandmother/baby/friend/etc? A: Sure!

Q: Can you paint a family portrait? A: Yes. Email me references and information (family size, backdrop settings, if pets or objects are involved, etc.) and I will quote you a price.

Q: Will you paint pets? A: I don’t often, but I can. If you would like me to digitally paint your pet send me a reference photo and I can quote you a price.

Q: Will you do any character? Even popular characters from TV Shows? A: Sure will!

Q: Do you draw OC’s? A: Of course!

Q: Can I use my commission as my avatar, character portrait, Facebook profile, etc? A: Go right ahead. I only ask that you kindly do not remove my signature or claim the piece as your own creation.

Q: Do you offer printing and/or framing options? A: I do. However, if you desire a physical, printed version of your commission I will require that we move the transaction over to my Etsy store where I handle transactions that require a physical item to be shipped to the client. We can discuss sizing, mediums (canvas, paper, etc.), framing, prices, etc. on Tumblr, but the final transaction will be made through Etsy where I will make a custom listing for you to purchase your printed and/or framed artwork.

#faq page #faq #frequently asked questions

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bangtanficsforyou · 2 years ago

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Lovefool (JJK)

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst, smut, fluff.

Au: established relationship au.

Warnings: swear words here and there, Jungkook is a sweetheart, oral (f), dirty talk, fingering. That should be it.

Summary: You and Jungkook have been in a relationship for a couple of months now but recently, you can't help the anxious thoughts that pop into your mind. Thoughts about his past.

If you want early access to all of my fics, and access to wips, exclusive sneak peeks and exclusive fics, head over to my patreon. (I've recently opened my patreon and any form of support means a whole lot to me).

A pair of hands wrapping around you, momentarily stops you from stirring the delicacy you were preparing. But your movements soon resume when you let yourself relax and get comfortable, feeling the warmth of the body that now clings to you.

"I woke up and you were not there." The voice mumbles in a complaining tone, which you find adorable. Although you can't see him, you can just tell he has his eyes closed and has a cute frown on his face.

The thought itself makes you smile.

"I can't help it if you wake up at ten in the morning!" Elbowing him on the stomach, you add salt to your dish.

A whine is what he replies to you with, letting his feelings of displeasure known. "So what? Doesn't give you the right to take my cuddle buddy away."

You gasp as if offended but you make no move to remove his arms around you. "So I'm just a cuddle buddy, now? Here, I was thinking you were serious about me."

"I'm double guessing my choices, right now."

Finally, you swat at his arms which causes him to burst into a fit of giggles but he still refuses to let go of you.

"I'm sorry, sorry!" He chuckles, amusement clear in his voice, a sound which causes a chuckle to escape from your lips as well.

Once his chuckling dies down, he sighs happily and once again, buries his head in your shoulder. "Seriously, though, I wanted to be the one to wake you up and with my head between your legs."

"Jungkook! I'm cooking!" This time you turn around to face him. Stating the obvious, you try to hide how warm your cheeks have gotten in a matter of seconds.

Come to think of it, you probably shouldn't have turned around because if anything that makes it impossible for your red-tinted cheeks to be hidden.

You swat at him once again, this time at his chest. "Let me cook," you grumble and get back to preparing your dish.

Seeing his attempt partially fail, Jungkook huffs. He calls it a partial fail because he notices the way your cheeks have turned red and if he is to go by that, you are affected by the image that must have appeared on your mind as a result of his words. He knows you're close to giving in.

A fact, you both are aware of.

He resumes his previous position and starts peppering your neck with kisses. Occasionally, sucking and biting the soft skin to leave marks.

Unwillingly, a moan escapes your lips and your breathing gets quicker. Fuck, he knows just how to make you aroused. His warm kisses make you shiver and you feel wetness pool in your underwear.

One of his arms that were around you, now move to be under your or rather his t-shirt. He rests his palm on your stomach and gently draws circles on the surface. The gentleness is in stark contrast with his kisses which gradually get rough and desperate.

"Your skin feels so soft." He mumbles, his eyes now focused on the freshly made red mark on your shoulder.

His voice, however, snaps you out of your trance and you feel a wave of anxiety hit you. The same anxiety, that has been stopping you from being intimate with Jungkook.

Lately, you have been worrying if being sexual with Jungkook will make him realise that he's not really into the whole relationship thingy. It's not that you haven't been sexual with him. You have but there's no denying that it's all still very new. What if after a few times of being sexually involved with you, he gets...bored?

You don't doubt his feelings for you. You know they are genuine, well at least for now. You don't know where they will stand in a few weeks. The reason why your brain often thinks along these lines is because of his past.

Jungkook was known for sleeping around. While he wasn't known for just that, it definitely added to his popularity. He was and is still known as the guy who's good at almost everything, be it sports, studies, dancing or singing. The only difference in his reputation is, that now he's no longer known as the guy who woos the ladies with his charms but never settles down.

The reason behind that change of reputation is you.

Although, when you had first met him, you had never thought that you'd end up dating him. Forget about you dating him, you never thought he would ever be willing to be in a relationship. That idea was just absurd.

When you were his project partner (which is how you two first got acquainted with each other), you had overheard him saying to one of his friends that he does not see himself settling down or being in a relationship and does not see the point in it.

Which is why your surprise was obvious and reasonable when he started showing interest in you. At first, you had thought that he was just trying to get into your pants and thus, you had turned down all his attempts. But he was persistent. His persistence had caused you to believe that he's just not used to hearing 'no' and it was simply a matter of his ego.

Over time, your opinions changed. You could sense the genuineness in his efforts, could see how he was different with you, could feel his gradual change from the fuckboy to the boy he always was, underneath all those layers.

After much thinking, you had said 'yes' to going on a date with him.

You don't think you'll ever forget the look he had when you said that. His eyes lit up as if he held every star in the galaxy in them. His bunny smile was full on display and his nose had scrunched up in sheer excitement.

That's when you had an inkling that maybe, you won't regret going on a date with him.

And you didn't.

He turned out to be a completely different guy from what you had imagined him to be.

A few dates later, you found yourself developing feelings for him. From then on, it was only a matter of time for you to be his girlfriend.

As his girlfriend, you get to see an entirely different Jungkook. A Jungkook who makes you feel all the butterflies, makes you feel seen, makes you feel special. You also get to see a Jungkook who's vulnerable, kind, caring and loving.

It's been two months since you said yes to being his girlfriend. But recently, with your feelings intensifying and knowing what it feels like to have him as yours, you find that the fear of losing him has also intensified. Your mind now comes up with scenarios where he loses interest in you.

If that were to happen, you know you won't be mad at him because after all, it's the first time he has been in a relationship. If he feels like it's not for him, who are you to ask him to stay?

You won't be mad but you'd be broken for sure.

Which is why you have been holding yourself back from having sex with him. So that, just in case, your fears turn into reality, you at least get enough time to savour Jungkook.

You're so lost in your thoughts that you don't notice the kisses stopping.

Unbeknownst to you, Jungkook notices the anxious frown on your face, the way your body has gone tense and your breathing pattern has changed. And it's not the kind of fast breathing that usually tells him that you're aroused.

"Baby?" Jungkook asks, concerned. He gently turns you so that you're now facing him. "Are you okay?"

You open your eyes and hope that your anxiety is not visible on your features as you try to smile at him. "I'm okay. Sorry, I'm just not in the mood right now."

Jungkook frowns. He knows that there's some lie to it. He doesn't mean to sound cocky but he knows the effect he has on you. He can tell whether you're turned on or not, just by your breathing pattern. And he knows that you were aroused. Hence, it's not about that. Something must have been worrying you for you to turn all tense all of a sudden. Something that you're trying to hide by saying that it's about you not being in the mood. Something that you're trying to downplay.

"Babe," he rests his palm on your cheek and gently rubs soothing circles. "I don't mean to sound pushy, but is there something bothering you?"

You glance away, wondering if you should talk to him about it or not. You don't want to hurt him by making him think that you doubt his feelings or him. Because you don't. It's just that no one knows, what they will feel in the future and with his given past, your mind thinks the possibility of him getting bored, is more likely to happen.

On the other hand, you know that your relationship is very fresh and new, and you don't want to bring your insecurities into it and ruin it.

Jungkook takes your silence and thinks you're taking his words in the wrong way. "It's not about you not being in the mood and all. You can say 'no' anytime you don't feel like it, you don't even have to explain it. Please, don't get it wrong. I'm not trying to ask you for an explanation for tha-"

"I know, Jungkook." You cut him off because you do know that. He's never made you feel that way. You know how much he respects you and values your words. You don't want to make him think that you don't know that.

He sighs. "It's just that, I feel like there's something more. I have noticed that lost look in your eyes recently and it makes me worry."

The thought of him noticing your lost look, makes you feel bad. You don't want to worry him. Should you just tell him about your worries? Will that be better? Will that make it easier for both of you?

He places his index finger under your chin and makes you look at him. "I know we have only been in a relationship for two months but if you feel comfortable enough to share what is bothering you, then please do. I just want to help."

His earnest eyes, his plea of letting him help and his warm touch make your eyes well up with tears and you bury your face in his chest to hide them. "It's kind of stupid." You mumble.

Jungkook lets you cry on him, not mentioning to you that he knows that you're crying. "Nothing you say is ever stupid to me." He reassures.

You sniffle. "It's just that I'm falling for you hard."

In usual circumstances, Jungkook's heart would skip a beat at your admission. But now, it causes him to feel anxious because he can sense a but coming. He prays to whatever higher power there is, that you're not giving up on him, because he does not know how he will deal with that. He was not used to good things happening to him but he took a chance with you. He wants to be good enough for you and at the same time, he wants to give himself a chance at happiness.

He does not know where he will be if you give up on him now, just when he was starting to believe that he was deserving of happiness.

But he keeps his thoughts to himself, letting out a hum as a sign to let you know that he's listening.

"I'm just scared that you'll leave." As soon as the words are out of your mouth, you feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders but that feeling is soon followed by the worry of how he'll react.

Jungkook thinks he could pass out from the relief that hits him. You're not breaking up with him. But then he realises the weight of your words. You're worried that he will leave you. He never thought that you'd ever worry about that, of all things. Why on earth would anyone be dumb enough to leave you? He thought that it was obvious.

Once again, he keeps his thoughts to himself, letting you vent. "What makes you think that I'll leave?"

"It's your first relationship, Jungkook," you whisper. "What if you get bored? What if you realise that this whole relationship thing is not really for you? What happens then?" You allow your fears to be out in the open and feel Jungkook's body stiffen under you.

Jungkook feels a sharp pain in his chest hearing your words. It doesn't make sense to him. To him, it had always made sense for him to feel that way because he's flawed as fuck, but you? You are fucking perfect in his eyes. He's lucky to be given an opportunity to be with you. He thinks you're a goddess who's decided to be kind enough to give him a chance. That part of him finds it ridiculous because he can never fathom the thought of leaving you.

But now, he thinks he should have considered that you too are a human, that you too, have your own set of fears and insecurities.

He pulls away from you, to look into your eyes. "Is that what's been on your mind, lately?" He asks, keeping his tone gentle.

You nod. "I'm scared that after a few times of, uhm, having sex with me, you'll get bored."

Jungkook's features morph into that of pure agony and hurt upon hearing your words, which causes you to hate yourself for ever making him feel that way.

"Is that what you think of me?" Jungkook feels his heart break.

"Please, don't get me wrong. I don't doubt your feelings for me" You shake your head, desperately trying not to hurt him but knowing very well that you already have. "It's just that, as my feelings keep growing, it's as if my brain screams at me to have my guard up so that I don't get hurt and it always brings back your past to remind me why you might end up leaving me."

You take a deep breath, eyes fixed on the ground. "But I also want you to know, if you ever decide that you're not willing to settle down, don't hesitate to tell me and don't feel guilty about that either. I mean, not everyone settles down and there's nothing wrong with it. It's your choice at the end of the day-"

"That'll never happen," Jungkook says, his voice firm. Although your words hurt him, he understands where you're coming from. It's human instinct to be cautious of situations where they can get hurt and your mind has been romanticising one such scenario. Plus, there's no denying that he used to jump from bed to bed. He was known as the guy who only ever did sex and never relationships.

"Listen," just like earlier, he puts his fingers under your chin to make you look at him. He wants you to see that he means the words he's about to say. "Firstly, thank you for communicating with me. I really appreciate it. Secondly, you're not an experiment for me to decide whether I am a relationship kind of a guy or not."

"I knew what I was getting myself into when I asked you to be my girlfriend. Just because I haven't been in a relationship before, doesn't mean, I don't know what it is. I have seen my parents love and care for each other, and I have seen my friends being committed in their relationships. So, it's fair to say that I know what being in a relationship with someone means." He sees your eyes fill with guilt which causes him to briefly stop. He gently places a kiss on your cheek. "Please don't feel guilty, let me finish."

Despite feeling bad, you nod at him.

He takes it as a sign for him to continue. "Thirdly, and most importantly, I am falling in love with you and there's nothing I have been more sure of, in my whole life."

You feel your breath hitch. You both have openly admitted to each other about your feelings but neither of you has ever used the word 'love' before. Perhaps, both of you felt that it was too soon to use that word.

But hearing his admission makes you feel free. Free for you to feel the emotions you have been so anxious about. It feels like you can finally let yourself fall without the fear of crashing. Because he's into it just as much you're.

"Another thing," Jungkook says, noticing how your features have relaxed and although your eyes are teary, he knows that these tears aren't the bad kind. "I know I can be stupid sometimes but I'm not stupid enough to let you go and that's what a person would be if they were to let you slip; stupid and indescribably dumb."

Deep down, Jungkook is aware that words aren't enough. He knows that they might give you temporary relief, but somewhere the thoughts of insecurities are recurring as they keep coming back. For you to let go of that thought pattern, he will have to prove his words. Which will, undoubtedly, take time. But then again, it's only with time that one learns to trust wholeheartedly.

"Just know that I'll prove it to you. I'll never let those fears come true."

Feeling an overwhelming rush of emotions, you hug him tightly and let yourself feel the relief that courses through your veins.

You feel Jungkook's arms come up to tightly circle around your waist, making you relax against him. And perhaps, for the first time in weeks, you feel yourself relax both mentally and physically.

"Are you feeling better now?"

"I am," you hum in affirmation, speaking the truth. However, somewhere at the back of your mind, you know, you need to apologise to him for the hurt your words must have caused him. "I am sorry though. I know my words must have come across in a very wrong way but I-"

"Shhh, you don't have to worry about it. Like I said before, I am glad that you communicated." He gently stops you from explaining any further. Your words had indeed hurt him but if he were to be in your place, there's no denying that he might have felt the same. He does not hold it against you. "Although I won't lie, for a second, I thought that you were breaking up with me."

Jungkook had said those words innocently if anything in a joking manner but his words cause you to remove yourself from his hold and to look at him. "Why would you think like that?"

Jungkook shakes his head, not wanting to make this about him. "I was just joking around, don't mind it."

You would have believed his words but then you know him. You know how insecure he can get at times when it comes to you and you're glad that he has always communicated to you about his fears.

"I'm not going to break up with you and I will repeat that as many times as I have to." Wanting for him to feel the same level of comfort that he has provided you with, you stand on your toes and gently kiss his lips. "You're not the only one who's falling in love."

As you murmur the words against his lips, Jungkook feels warmth spread through his body. The kind of warmth that removes the cold fears from his heart. Especially, hearing that you're falling in love with him, makes him want to hold you and never let go, simply because he never thought that someone would love him. Even though he knows that you're not in love with him yet, to know that you think he's worthy of it, means the world to him.

He will do everything he can to prove to you as well as to himself, that he's worthy of love.

For the time being, he settles for expressing his emotions through the kiss.

He kisses you gently but with passion. Occasionally, nibbling on your lower lip, he enjoys the soft sigh that escapes your mouth, every time he does that. Your hands come up to play with his hair and you gently tug them, making him groan into your mouth. The sound is enough for you to kiss him more vigorously. You let your tongue come in contact with his lips, silently asking for him to let you in. And he does. From then on, its tongues dancing and teeth clashing with each other.

When you both separate from each other, your eyes remain on his lips. The sight of his pink lips being swollen and glistening with a mix of both of your saliva makes it far too difficult for you to look away.

His thumb coming to play with your bottom lip is what causes your eyes to drift from his lips to his eyes. It's then that you notice the want in them, a replica of the look you're sure, your eyes hold. Your gaze then moves towards his messy hair and boy does it make you imagine things.

Things like would his hair have looked the same had he woken you up the way, he claims he wanted to. Or would it have been messier?

The thought makes you press your thighs together and you kiss him again, this time with a different kind of vigour.

Jungkook is quick to understand your intentions, which is why after kissing you for some time, he pulls back. "Babe, you don't have to if you don't want to."

"I want to," you confirm, breathlessly. It's true. Even when you would pull away, you would still want him. It was only your fears coming in the way but now with your nerves gone, nothing is stopping you.

Jungkook looks into your eyes to be certain that you're sure. When he finds no traces of doubt or fear but just sheer lust, his own eyes darken.

"Yeah? You want me to make you feel good?" He asks rhetorically. Seeing you nod, he gently kisses the expanse of your neck, feeling you shiver underneath his touch. "Get on the kitchen counter."

"Counter?" You ask to make sure that you didn't hear it wrong.

"Counter."

Fuck, you did not hear it wrong.

Gulping, you let your feet carry you to the kitchen counter with your mouth on his. He helps you sit on the slab and softly moans when your hips make contact with his aching-hard length.

"Fuck, baby you're so hard." Your hand comes to rest on his bulge and you palm him through his trousers, knowing very well that he's not wearing boxers. The sensation of the wet patch that greets you, makes you feel eager to get a taste of him.

Jungkook, however, seems to have different plans as he takes a shuddering breath before removing your hands from his bulge. "We can get to that later. First, I want to eat you out."

You want to object because you know it can't be comfortable for him to be that aroused and not do anything about it but then you notice the determination on his face and decide otherwise. He looks like a man on a mission and his current mission seems to be to please you. It's kind of cute with that adorable frown on his face. You'd have giggled had it not been for him taking a seat on one of the kitchen stools and positioning himself between your legs.

You are simply wearing his t-shirt and a black lace panty, which he thinks makes his job easier. He places his warm palm on your thighs and gently parts your legs. The sight that greets him, has him cursing under his breath. There's a dark patch on your dark piece of cloth, which has his dick twitching in his trousers.

He kisses the inside of your thighs and as he inches closer to your sex, the smell of your arousal greets his nostrils. "You must be so wet."

You moan at his words, knowing very well that you, indeed, are incredibly wet.

Jungkook lets his nose graze on your clothed heat and his mouth waters at the thought of finally getting to have a taste of you. His tongue comes out to gently lap at the wet spot, making it even darker.

A whine of complaint escapes your lips at his ministrations. "Don't tease me."

From where he has his mouth attached, he looks up to lock eyes with you. "You don't want me to tease you?" You vigorously shake your head. "Then what do you want me to do?"

"Eat me out." You say, not beating around the bush at all. From the few times that you have been intimate with Jungkook, you know by now that he enjoys and relishes it when you don't hold back and openly admit what you want him to do.

The effect of your words on Jungkook is visible as he quickly gets into action and gets rid of your underwear, leaving your nether regions exposed.

His thumbs come up to part your lips and you shiver as the cold air hits you. "Fuck, look at that pussy, just as wet as I imagined it to be."

You're about to let out another whine as your patience starts wearing thin but you never get the chance to do so as Jungkook attaches his lips to your clit and begins sucking harshly. The whine that was stuck in your throat, comes out as a moan, instead.

He hums against your cunt, and taps your thigh as a sign for you to look at him while he eats you out. Doing as he wants, you lock eyes with him and the sight that greets you, has you gushing. His eyes look drunk in pleasure as if he's the one who's on the receiving end. The way he sits there with his mouth between your legs as if he is having the time of his life makes you grab his head and hold him there. A move which has Jungkook groaning, sending shivers through your whole body.

"You like this?" He asks, detaching briefly but then he quickly lets his tongue tease your hole.

"Yes, fuck I love this." You state the obvious.

"Do you want me to tongue fuck you?" He knows very well what the answer to his question is.

"Yes, please." You breathily respond.

"Hmm, thought so. Your hole is clenching around nothing." He's aware you enjoy dirty talk just as much as he does. Your liking towards the crass words is only proved when your hole clenches once again, hard.

As his tongue penetrates you, you moan loudly and arch your back at the sensation that shoots through your body. Still holding the back of his head, you tug on his hair strands, something you know he enjoys. "Fuck, don't stop. This feels so good."

Although he loves it when you watch him eating you out, the sight of your arched back is something he enjoys equally. He feels his cock leak beads of precum in agreement. His arousal only causes him to quicken his actions and he gets rougher with his tongue.

"Ah, fuck, Jungkook." You remove one of your hands from his hair and start squeezing your boobs as if your life depends on it.

"Yes, baby play with your tits." He growls and puts his mouth back on your clit. This time around, two of his fingers curl inside your pussy.

You whimper as you feel his fingers reach the spot that always has you seeing stars. You feel your stomach tightening at his fast and repeated motions, knowing very well that you're close to your edge.

"Jungkook, please don't stop," you beg, desperate to have your release. "I'm about to cum."

He growls once again and starts flicking your clit with his tongue at a very fast pace. That added with the feeling of his fingers has you clenching and gripping his fingers like a vice.

Your orgasm builds and then it hits you like a tidal wave. As your back arches once more, you cry and close your thighs around his head. That, however, doesn't stop Jungkook from giving a few more licks, this time around a little gentler. It's only when you whine due to overstimulation that he removes his mouth from you.

Your chest heaves as he stands and gently kisses you. The kiss is soft and languid, enabling you to taste yourself on him.

When the two of you part, you look at Jungkook who has a soft smile on his face as if he's glad to have given you the pleasure, the afterglow of which, you're basking in.

"That was amazing," you giggle, wiping at the corner of his lips where some of your arousal remains.

"Did you expect any less?" A smug look appears on his face.

You shake your head and give him a peck on his lips. "Don't get too ahead of yourself, now."

"I'm not getting too ahead-" he mocks your tone, "-I just know I'm great at giving head." Then, his eyes light up the way it often does. "Hey, that's like wordplay! Too ahead and a head."

You roll your eyes with a smile. "That's not even funny."

"It is funny though." He grumbles cutely.

Your heart coos at the sight of his pink lips protruding into a pout. Leaning closer, you place kisses all over his face until his pout is gone and is replaced with a big smile.

"Is that your way of agreeing with me?" His big doe eyes gleam with playfulness.

"Nah, that's just my way of stopping you from pouting like a baby," you boop his nose and giggle at the way his big nose scrunches up. He's far too adorable for his own good.

"Your baby," he boops your nose back, his heart feeling full and warm at the sound of your giggles.

In this light moment, you feel your brain quip at you about how what Jungkook said are probably just words and something which will lose meaning with time. This time, instead of giving into it and surrendering to that thought, you realise that it's just a part of you that's trying to protect you. Instead of feeling scared and guilty, for feeling that way, you acknowledge that voice inside your head as if thanking it for trying to protect you. It's only then, that you feel as if you're not powerless against that voice.

Having found that place where your mind is no longer scaring you, you know you choose to trust Jungkook and his words. Because that's what love is about, choosing someone, choosing to trust in them. You'll let him prove his words to you. You will let yourself fall in love with Jungkook. You'll let that love consume you. And you'll put faith in Jungkook's love that it will erase all your worries and doubts.

Instead of giving him a verbal response to his previous statement, you loop your arms around his neck and kiss him once again. This kiss is kind of silly, with you two smiling big like fools. But it's also with this kiss, that you feel this reassurance, that the two of you will be okay.

Permanent taglist:

@bloodline1632 @embrace-themagic @jeonsorchid

#jungkook oneshot #Jungkook fic #Jungkook fluff #Jungkook smut #Jungkook angst #jungkook x reader #Jungkook x OC #jungkook imagines #Jungkook scenarios #jungkook imagine #BTS fic #bts fanfction #bts imagine

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bookwhimses · 2 years ago

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People who still leave comments on Cheer Up Buttercup, I love you all and your reviews always seem to come in when I’m having a bad week. I honestly can’t begin to describe how much it means to me that people reread and still love that fic. It makes me feel so proud of it.

I have something around or possibly over twenty-eight DGHDA wips. I haven’t been able to write for a long time, and I went through a period where DGHDA in particular was weirdly triggering to engage in for ptsd reasons (don’t worry, there's no fandom drama or anything, I just had a traumatic event happen irl and my confused brain put the trauma in DGHDA). The fic I want to finish most though is a Farah introspec fic I wrote for a Big Bang partnered with Juniper, who was extremely understanding about me having a mental breakdown* and not finishing it. Every time I try to go back to it I feel paralysed by my own promise that it would be the first fic I published once I felt able to write again.

I’ve come to the conclusion that this is dumb. In June I was diagnosed with ADHD. Prior to that, if someone with ADHD told me, “Oh, I have this thing I feel stuck on, pathologically unable to finish; for a long time I was unable to look at it, and now I feel crushed by the weight of my own lack of action and the responsibility and the imagined failure I have projected onto myself, but I told myself I’m not going to do anything easy before I finish this incredibly difficult task,”

I would have said to them, “I’m sorry, but sounds insane. You have ADHD. I’m not a doctor, but from what I understand you don’t naturally produce enough dopamine to ram your head repeatedly into a wall of things that sound like the opposite of dopamine. You’ve set up a system wherein you have one very challenging objective, and you cannot engage in any of the behaviours that would make that objective easier for you until you finish that objective. This is not intelligent game design, and frankly it shows a total lack of kindness towards yourself. It is clearly not working. Try something else.”

It is very difficult to accept that what I would say to someone else is also what I deserve to hear and what is true for me. But every other month I still get comments from people from somewhere across the globe who read something I wrote and felt moved by it. And I think it's worth noting – it's vital for me to note to myself – that having the kind of brain I have does come with other skills.

When I wrote Cheer Up Buttercup I didn’t go into it with a grand plan, let alone conceptualise it as anything more moving or deep than “AU where everything is the same but Dirk works at Lush lol”. I wrote that first chapter fully expecting it to border on crackfic. I think to anyone reading it's obvious that it starts off matching the beats of a standard low-stakes shippy fluff fic. I got a lot of reviews that said things to the effect of "I thought this was going to be a dumb bath bomb store AU, then it got serious, what the fuck" and, honestly, that happened to me too as its writer. I followed that vein of joy of was something fluffy and silly and camp until I unexpectedly struck something more introspective that touched on heavier subject material.

And I have to stress, I don't mean that as "it started as cheap and stupid and then became a more worthwhile and meaningful fic", because the thing I love most about Cheer Up Buttercup is how it is both stupid and meaningful. It's fluffy and silly and camp, traits which are not easy or meaningless things to write, and it draws on very personal experiences, which can be exhausting to read. I still treasure reviews which say that the fluff made the serious less confronting and more accessible, that they didn't expect a Ted talk on mental health and cognitive behaviour patterns in the middle of their gay slowburn bath store AU but it had made them want to change the way they lived their life every day.

Since being diagnosed with ADHD I have suddenly had something to blame for traits I have that have been difficult to bear or highly inconvenient my whole life. I have had many days where I've broken down crying and said that I wished I didn't have ADHD and I could just Do Stuff Normally, With Planning And No Time Blindess. But Cheer Up Buttercup wasn't planned. It was entirely organic. I only sketched out the barest of plot outlines, which quickly spiralled into something completely different while I was writing the chapter where Todd decides to turn his life around. And I don't think I could have written it if I didn't have ADHD.

(I've also had multiple reviewers tell me that they love the way I write Dirk, particularly the neurodiverse aspects of his character. I write Dirk's neurodivergent expression partially based on my own feelings and experiences, and I always knew I had autism while writing Dirk, so I tagged "autistic Dirk" often. Being told that my Dirk seemed very ADHD was one of the first things that made me go, huh?? hmmm. uh-oh. nahhhh.)

I realise that I may sound here like I have a hugely inflated sense of self-importance and like I think my bath bomb store AU is a culturally relevant text soon to be studied in high schools across the nation. I promise I have no such illusions, it's one fic for a relatively small fandom, posted when the fandom was already losing traction and when hope of any further content was very slim. But I can't talk about that fic self-deprecatingly, I refuse to talk about it with anything other than affection and sincerity because it means a lot to me for many reasons, and chief among them is how much it means to other people.

I've had so many people leave comments or message me telling me that reading that fic made them want to change their life, or that they've reread it more than once and each time it motivates them to care for themselves. To me it doesn't matter if they're as successful as Todd is, or if the change is permanent, or even particularly long – and I definitely don't take credit for work that, ultimately, they and/or their loved ones do. I also know that I'm far from the only fic writer who's gotten reviews like that. But even then and either way, the value conferred onto that 100k ship fic by even one person telling me it has made them care about themself, even for just a moment, feels so immense to me that I can't picture the scope of it in my mind's eye.

By extension I feel a value has been conferred onto me, and my efforts, and my thoughts and feelings. And my brain, and the way it works. Because all of those things were put whole-heartedly into that fic. Again, I don't mean this in the sense of ego or importance but in the sense that it feels like being given a gift which in itself is the awareness of having a gift. Having it in the sense of being given it by others, having it in the sense of being born with it, having it in the sense that I want to give it to another person. It expands endlessly onto itself, precious and beautiful and startling. And a gift is something to be grateful for.

So, yes, alright, I may have not planned this post out either at all, as I very clearly start off saying that I can't describe how the reviews make me feel, then go on to try to describe how the reviews make me feel. And yes, this post may in fact have just been prompted by someone commenting on Cheer Up Buttercup and reminding me that I've written something worth rereading, and I likely would not have written this post this way if I knew how to Do Stuff Normal With Planning And No Time Blindness. But, thankfully, I have ADHD, so I just spent some uncertain amount of time realising that it's dumb that I'm imposing Do Stuff Normal People Rules on me, when I'm a Do Stuff At Total Random With Zero Planning But Golly Gosh, So Much Heart kind of person. And instead of waiting another two years for my brain to suddenly not have ADHD so I can finish my Farah fic and then, I don't know, become a bank clerk or something, I should just find a fic, any happy little fic, and write that. And trust that wherever it takes me will be more interesting than this.

And I miss the DGHDA universe. It is practically custom tailored for Do Stuff At Total Random With Zero Planning But Golly Gosh, So Much Heart kind of people. I miss finding a way to put a horse in a bathroom in every fic. I'll stop doing it once it stops being funny to me personally.

*As in I literally had a mental breakdown, that’s why I disappeared from the fandom. Not that I was a prominent person in any way I just mean that I used to interact with mutuals and friends a lot on Discord and Tumblr and then I just sort of disappeared.

#i know like three people will see this most likely but pls dont reblog #i can't honestly imagine anyoen would i just put that tag on to anything i don't want reblogged #shout out to ao3 user aindia for the comments ily <3 #cheer up buttercup #this is not me giving up on my farah fic btw i will never truly give up on her #i've done a todd introspec fic and i've thought extensively about dirk introspec enough to have basically written one #farah deserves more content bc here's the thing you're honour she's a nightmare #MY nightmare

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foolsandkings · 2 years ago

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04/12/2022 - Basic Quest System, Start on Map

This week was spent fixing a couple minor bugs in what I had built so far, and creating a bunch of new art assets. Namely, I am taking the advise of Pixel Architect on youTube and approaching the map from a more painterly perspective.

I'm drawing a whole scene at once to make sure there's enough interest in each scene. This is taking super long, but I think the results will be much better than the asset mashing I started with. Problem is that I haven't planned out the whole map yet, so really it's probably a bit foolish to start this process, when so much might yet change.

Anyway, here's what my WIP looks like!

...specifically for the docks section, that is, and a part of the worker's district.

The biggest project I took on this week coding wise is a basic quest system.

Here's how it works:

I have an enum quest {} which lists all available quests in the game. Then there is a struct for each quest, which holds its name, description, quest giver, quest recipient, quest type, reward type, reward value and more.

When the player speaks to a quest giver, a script scr_add_quest() checks that this quest ID isn't already in the quests_array of our quest manager, and then adds it to the array. The active quests get listed in a quest menu. At each step, the quest manager runs a script scr_check_quest_receptor to see:

a.) if there are quests in the array whose status is "ready" (for being handed in)

b.) if the quest recipient marked in the quest ID's struct is in this room. If so, it checks a boolean in the receptor to tell them they are waiting for a quest, and the recipient, upon interaction, runs script scr_complete_quest, whcih pays out the reward and removes the quest from the active quest list.

Right now the only functional quest is picking up a quest from the lady NPC to drop something off at the post box, and the player can interact with the postbox to earn some extra money.

What makes this system work for me is that it works even when I leave the room - it should enable me to access recipients across the whole map, no matter where they are, and only interfere with their dialogue when a quest actually becomes relevant!

Because I never wrote a quest system before I'm quite pleased with this little set-up so far and hope it will be decently scalable for various quest types in the future. I've already set up the barebones of fetch quests that require the player to collect multiple different items!

My next big project will be change my dialogue setup a bit.

Right now, when an object creates dialogue it has to give it its ID, and when dialogue ends a boolean "dialogue end" is turned on. Based on this, the object could give out an item or quest at the end of the dialogue. But this means I have to run all the if-statements I ran to determine the dialogue all over again to determine what text-end condition is required.

So instead, I want to extend the create_textbox script to accept instructions for what should happen after the textbox closes. Like running a script, or adding an item or quest. Then the textbox object, when it closes, will run that script.

#gamedev #indiedev #devlog #gamedevlog #indiedevelopment #indiegamedesign #gamedesign #illustration #rpg #indierpg

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specialshinytrinkets · 2 years ago

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time passage, huh...

I used to come here quite a few times. Because on every school holidays, minus summer one, I'd go with my grandma to the sanatorium. Plus me and my grandparents would go skiing here. I struggled climbing back up — and still do. I'm afraid of sliding from large slopes, too.

Eventually though, around the time I was a pre-teen, we both stopped. Now I'm not sure whether or not we'd go back there again. I mean, it's not like we can't. It's that it isn't as necessary, possibly? Or not as effective? My grandma's health is getting more and more frail — I see it myself. I'm afraid of... her heart stopping to beat. Some ordeals done in a sanatorium wouldn't be as good for her as before, probably. Considering it's not just the asthma that is there to treat.

Or it is from me... just being selfish?

Now I'm 16. I came here by myself. I have never been here completely alone. And it's just as beautiful as it has always been... But it feels different.

I have never been a social kid. I've always had a handful of friends, and even then most of the time I spent at home watching YouTube, be it by myself or with mom in the next room. I wouldn't chat with many people, as I found it hard to find the topics — they didn't know what was inside my head. They seemed... normal. They didn't draw demonic versions of beloved cartoon characters, inspired by a let's play on a fairly crappy .exe game. I have always been the best listener to myself. Me and my sketchbooks.

And the few people that I thought were the same either weren't trustworthy from the beginning, or weren't of my taste. Yes, I'm going to say it — it's normal to dislike someone, even if they have the same interest as you.

But in either case, I was alone. Too many times, too often. I had barely anyone to share my art with. But then I was encouraged to make an instagram account to share my art.

Did it help? Not really. Since I was followed by my mom and grandparents, I knew I couldn't post everything. Plus, I was less aware of what social media was back in 2019. So ultimately, it stayed the same, except I showed my drawings to the public that wasn't the target audience I had aimed for. And at some point I saw others making accounts sharing WIPs. So I made one, and in combination it was occassionally a vent account. Problem was that my mom followed my there, so I had to put on a filter of what I could and couldn't post again, plus use only English to not be caught in captions. And then I lost access to it after getting a new phone, so it stays as a small archive of me losing motivation in drawing at one point and denying I'm bi and a furry.

And now... I'm here. I'm 16 years old. I have existed for not much time at all, compared to other artists and especially the universe. But it's not as if my life is worthless. It went through phases. Many phases. It had joys and sorrows. It had self-hatred and self-doubt. It had projects picked up and dropped. Creations made and remade over and over, in hopes to unleash full creative freedom. And through all this time...

It left a mark.

It left a mark on this world, in some way. There have been people before me, who have done the same. Who screamed into the void, hoping it would respond back. Who left symbols that say "Hey! I used to be here!" And only now do I see what these words mean. I may never meet people who have left these graffitis, and they may never meet me, but I'll know they existed. That they came here, into this sanatorium, found an abandoned structure built for god-knows-what, and left their mark. Which may not last until the end, but it's still here!

The evidence of us being alive!

... Keep living. You are not worthless. Your pictures and songs may not be passed down in museums, but they will exist as a reminder of what being human is about. You may stumble and fall, but ultimately that's what life is, right?

It's a path you make yourself.

- 29.12.2022

#trinkets.txt #dusty.photo #life fabric snippets #i'm sorry for this weird vent(??) but i just couldn't stop writing #now that picture with the cave having multiple hand marks on it hits different.#there were people before us. whom we may never meet. who were the same as us.#we mostly learn history about events. about strong; powerful people ruling over the lands. and only sometimes...#do we get a glimpse at civilians' lives. they are left behind the scenes. but even so...#we keep finding things that signal that these humans... these now long dead humans... were like us.#that they didn't exist separately as wars were waged. no. that they had lives. that they had their own mundane worries.#that politics weren't everything on mind. that they did wonderful things simply because they could!#how many songs are out there? before the oldest recorded one and after? all of those might not have been saved.#but i hope they were enjoyed by their author :)#also i put tiny Rin with my ballpoint pen. i had a knife on hands but didn't think of it oopsie #writing

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memohcomics · 2 years ago

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DOMINION ANNOUNCEMENT!

When I started my socials for my WIP webcomic Dominion last year, my goal was to have the first three chapters ready for release by this time, and to formally launch the series before December.

Spoiler Alert: It's not ready yet.

REWRITES THY NAME IS MEMOH

After I ran the series preview in the Webtoon Call to Action Contest, I noticed I was getting a lot of notes where readers were confused, probably more so than starting in Chapter 3 warranted. After doing some soul searching, for the past two months I've revisited my script and made some major changes - streamlining, adding clarity, actually writing a detailed outline for the entire series to make sure all the story beats were hitting where they should. Darlings have been killed - whole chapters, rewritten.

Finally, I have emerged from the writing cocoon with a story that is (in my mind) far stronger. In the process though, I'm having to nerf 30 panels I had already drawn and colored because the whole start of the series has been revised/rewritten. RIP.

REVISITING FORMAT

I've also had time to think critically about the format for the series. Given that Webtoon is withdrawing support for Canvas creators, I was torn on if scroll format is still the only format I want to design for. After much deliberation, I've decided I will draw page format first, then retrofit each episode for scroll reading. This will save me time later should I choose to do print releases, and it makes me able to cross post the series to more sites.

TO LIGHT NOVEL OR NOT TO LIGHT NOVEL

Since I have the whole series spec'd out at this point, I am also deliberating on releasing a light novel version. The tentative plan for this would be to release a novelization of the first half of season one as the comic launches, release the second half novelization after the midseason finale, and so on.

It would be behind a pay gate, but it would be a way for people to have a fast pass without sacrificing my health/sanity, while making sure they aren't so far ahead of the comic readers that the other followers get too many spoilers.

UPDATE SCHEDULE CONFIRMED

Since I have a full scope of the series now, I've also been able to decide on a schedule that I can keep up with (I do have to balance a full time job and have no assistants).

Each chapter will be ~15 pages (~60 panels) and will be released monthly. For the series launch, I will release the first three chapters at once.

SO WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

Now that rewrites are concluded, I'm now full steam ahead with getting pages produced. I will also be writing a draft of the light novel over the holidays and will have more clarity on if that project will proceed in the new year. I'm also trying to get my social media strategy lined up in advance, with the bulk of that work taking place over the holiday period.

Given that the first three chapters will take about 3 months on their own, (plus the extra set up chores), Dominion is likely looking at a April/May release. Which is fall in the southern hemisphere. So that counts as still making deadline, right? (< _<;)

In any case, I'll be posting some fan service Desmond on my Patreon to tide patrons over while I work diligently in the background. Patrons also get access to heaps of high res Dominion illustrations, so if you're keen on what you've seen so far go sign up!

#dominion #myart #wip #progress update

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5uptic · 4 years ago

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crewfu: fanfic spotlight!

We work together by Anonymous (5up & DK, unrated, gen | 248 words)

Summary: One likes plants and baking, the other loves to create and design video games. They stay up and create monstrosities together, it's their fun, it's their favourite game. Aka a 5up and Dk roommate au!

No matter how life tangles, I’m still here with you. by hungryandsleepy (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 279 words)

Summary: 5up has been working so hard on his new map, and of course, he needs someone to give him a motivation to go to sleep.

objectively pretty by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 462 words)

Summary: steve is drunk. he's pretty sure 5up is too. that doesn't mean being called pretty is any less momentuous.

you plus me by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 489 words)

Summary: 5up and Steve meet.

he said to me by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 656 words)

Summary: 5up and Steve share a moment.

by the snowmen by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 670 words)

Summary: Steve has a moment when it's all over.

today you got to know me (a little bit too slowly) by runninohhoney (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 675 words)

Summary: Steve lights up a cigarette. 5up doesn't smoke.

what would it take by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 787 words)

Summary: It's Steve's first mission. He hecks up. Or does he?

sorta cute by floweruru (5up/Steve, unrated, m/m | 822 words)

Summary: ‘I wouldn’t do that,’ he said. ‘That’s just disrespectful,’ he said. Yet there was 5up, crushed like a can in Steve’s embrace, feebly kicking at nothing as his feet leave the pavement.

i was gonna kill u, but ur kinda cute?? by Cthulhuer (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: Steve is a mess and 5up is worse.

I hear a Symphony by AwkwardAce (5up/Fundy, unrated, m/m | 1.1k words)

Summary: He exhaled until his lungs ached for air, fingers twitching as he opted to remove the sleek white gloves he wore in a feeble effort to soothe himself. It didn’t work. He wrung his trembling hands together as his eyes raked down the worn leather case taking in the doodles- some etched some drawn- across the faded surface. He snapped the buckles open and his breath hitched, catching in his already tight throat. For a moment the world span, his head throbbed and he wanted nothing more than to run and hide. 5up breathed out slowly, shakily.

staring by lytriis (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.1k words)

Summary: steve asks 5up out. 5up doesn’t know how to respond.

and it's four am, and yet, you're here by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: in which steve shows up at 5up's house, in the middle of the night, completely spontaneously

more than this by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: Steve catches 5up venting.

3:15 by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: Steve tries to guess Five's name. It's much more difficult than he anticipated.

things were different by fourpebbles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.5k words)

Summary: His eyes circled around to his friends, Kimi and Janet engaging in pleasant comversation, sleepy and becoming increasingly more sober. He looked, finally, across him, and caught Dumbdog staring at him. What now bro, what did this guy want. small talk, turns into not small talk, then there's no talk

Once Upon A Dream by SmearedWords (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.5k words)

Summary: 5up looks ethereal, while Steve is struggling to breathe. "You're not real either." Or: Steve has a crush and a nightmare in three parts, 5up is tired, the crew life is hard and Polus sucks.

the ones you love will call you back by homeward_bound (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.8k words)

Summary: stevesuptic: dude, is it weird that i miss vegas DumbDog: No? I do too. stevesuptic: okay [steve misses vegas and apollo. they talk about it]

cough it out by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)

Summary: Apollo thinks that Steve must be well and truly gone, at this point, because he giggles, like Apollo’s just told a particularly funny joke. He looks Apollo right in the eye and asks, “Do you trust me?” “Absolutely not.”

ivy by Secular_Czar (5up/Steve, teen rating, gen | 2.1k words)

Summary: It might be a sad day, in general, but Steve isn't about to let it get to him. His friends won't ever let him wallow either.

The Colosseum by WhenTheFogClears (general rating, gen | 2.1k words)

Summary: Five squinted, looking at the colosseum intensely. He thinks Apollo was latched onto the sphinx’s shoulder, fur matted with blood. Janet was slumped against a column, probably out, with Kimi whose bow was snapped in two, her leg twisted at an odd angle. DK was in the corner trying to cast various supporting hexes and charms with a broken arm, whilst Hafu was dragging a heavily bandaged Steve away. or 5up slaughters a cat

Oneshots :) by woofles1990 (5up/Fundy, 5up/Steve, teen rating, multi | 2.5k words, oneshot collection)

Summary: Just a bunch of MCYT/Among Us oneshots, mainly featuring 5up's crew because yes :)

the adventures of 5up and steve staying up late because they're under 30 by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.5k words)

Summary: “The night is young!” Steve yells at the ceiling, throwing his hands up in the air. “Take advantage of it! Commit crimes! Fuck hoes!” Five catches his hands in the air and laughs. “You wish you had hoes.”

unreasonably in love by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.6k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: "It was like pieces of a puzzle, everything coming together. And now, here they are, standing in their apartment, which looks more like a hollow shell than a home, filled solely with scattered boxes and the minuscule amount of furniture that they brought with them to Vegas." Or: what happens after Apollo and Steve move in together.

cant be love by fourpebbles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.5 words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: He had chuckled to himself, he felt so stupid. Who in their fucking minds names a playlist 'sugr?', he thought, internally cringing. A story where a Steve meets an Apollo, and some things happen.

Somewhere in the darkness, us together for a while by tumtummeke (Apollo & Kimi & Steve, teen rating, gen | 3.6k words)

Summary: Apollo worries about Steve. Steve breaks his vape pen. Kimi plays power washer. Self-indulgent angst, with a generous helping of friendship and cuddles.

odyssey by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 23k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: "First you will come to the Sirens who enchant all who come near them. If any one unwarily draws in too close and hears the singing of the Sirens...they warble him to death with the sweetness of their song. Therefore pass these Sirens by and stop your men's ears with wax that none of them may hear." -Homer, The Odyssey

Also: SilverSprinklez10‘s yupwaves collection.

Summary: This is a Harry Potter AU based on the characters/personas of the youtubers/streamers.

FAQ:

Wait what is this: pretty straight to the point! i’ll regularly share crewfu-related fanfictions to this blog :)

How regularly is “regularly”?: great question! LOL. it depends on the flow of fanfics that get uploaded, which i do not have any control over, but i’m looking forward to do this twice a month. after all, it’s only me doing this and i often run on a tight schedule.

What’s the format like?:

[title of fic with link] by [author of the fic with link] ([main pairing(s), if there is one/multiple], [fic rating: eg, general rating], [relationship: eg, m/m] | [word count in k] ([added prompt to specify if it’s complete or not)])

Summary: [summary provided by the author. if it doesn’t have a summary, a “No summary” prompt will be put instead]

(What does WIP mean again?): Work In Progress :)

Why are you doing this?: from the beginning, my blog has hosted conversations about RPF (real people fiction) and crewfu pairings. this has evolved into people sending me updates about certain fics in the crewfu tags every now and then, but i wanna take the next step and just do these things myself. after all, i’m already lurking in the tags often to see the fics that get posted. as someone who is both a writer and a reader, i wanna appreciate fanfic writers and help out other people that want to read fanfic and consume more fandom content!

Will it be AO3 only?: well, ao3 has a very helpful tag system that makes finding fics incredibly easy, as well as allowing people with no accounts to like and comment on fics, so that’s the site i will personally look in for fanworks. but if there are any fics you’ve written or liked in any other platforms, such as wattpad, you can always contact me through my inbox (send an ask or a dm!), and i’ll make sure to include for the next fanfic spotlight :)

Does it mean you won’t reply to fic asks anymore?: yeah, i guess. since i’ll be doing the searching myself it seems counterproductive. but if i ever skip a fic or again, it’s in another platform, or you’ve posted/read the fic a while ago and you want to get more traction on it, hit me up and i’ll take it into consideration!

Will you read every single one of the fics on your list?: oh no. again, i run on a tight schedule, and also i have my own taste when it comes to fics. i won’t be reviewing fics or any of the sort, and my intention extends to simply sharing these fics to this page so people will have easier access to them :) that’s where ao3 tagging becomes SUPER useful!!!

So what’s the criteria for the way you’ll sort out the fics in your list?: word count, going from lowest to highest. in case of fics in other platforms, i guess i’ll put them at the top of the list. i’ll also be looking for fairly recent fics, so let me know if you want any old-ish fic to be included.

I see you talking mostly about 5up/Steve and Steve/Apollo. Can I still send/see other crewfu fics?: why yes absolutely! my goal is to push every fic which heavily features regular crewfu characters - 5uptic and supdog just happen to be very popular pairings. so, to give you a list: core 4 (5up, hafu, dk, steve), apollo, aipha, annie, janet, kimi, ellum, koji... you know the drill. it doesn’t have to be centered on a relationship, or about 5up in specific, etc. my only requirement is that any of the previously mentioned members are a central part of the fic or are HEAVILY featured in it (sorry, minecraft fics with 50+ tags who only mention 5up as an afterthought won’t make the cut :/).

Isn’t shipping Bad™?: well, it’s a little more nuanced than that. i will go out of my way to discourage and shame people who often violate CCs’ boundaries by acting like so and so has a crush on this person, or that this and that are Actually Into Each Other or secretly dating. any sort of tinhat bullshit is a big nono (think larries). but i run on the assumption that people who write rpf understand that what they’re doing is simply write a completely fictional story using real life personalities, and understand the boundaries necessary to do it - aka they’re not tinhats, they understand they can’t assume everything about CCs’ thoughts and personalities, they understand that what they’re writing is strictly fiction, they keep these works only in fandom circles, etc. (but again, it’s only one me doing this, so please be kind if i don’t happen to know that this person is Actually a tinhat or whatever).

show fic: NO. (seriously. i don’t feel comfortable putting my ao3 account out there. please respect my privacy on these trying times <3)

I REALLY don’t care about your rpf/fic talk: fair! i’ll be tagging every single one of these posts as “fanfic spotlight”, so just mute the tag using tumblr settings so you’ll never have to look at these! likewise, you can follow the tag if you want to keep up with it, or search it on my blog to look at the other entries you might have missed (but this is the first one! lol).

Hey, my fic is here and I don’t feel comfortable with it being shared over here: no problem! let me know as soon as you can and i’ll take it down <3

#crewfu #fanfic spotlight

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