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endearng · 2 months ago

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Doomed

Pairing: Spencer Reid x single mom!reader Summary: If you and Spencer had a nickel every time someone teased you after witnessing your interactions, you'd have two nickels, which isn't much — but it's weird that it happened twice. WC: 4.4k Warnings: Mentions of abandonment and I think that's it. Let me know if I missed anything. A/N: HI!!! I'm so obsessed with them... in a normal amount of course. I'm thinking about writing casually for them, who knows... Also,,,, who am I if not a morcia truther….. I hope you enjoy it! Feedbacks are always appreciated <3 neighbor!au masterlist | main masterlist

You were doomed from the moment he bid you goodbye.

"So, who's he?" Victoria inquired, a sly smirk on her face and a bashful expression on yours.

"Who's who?" You asked, trying to feign nonchalance.

She groaned playfully, "You know what I mean."

"I'm afraid I don't." You winked, sitting on your couch again, between the two women. Sex and the City was playing on the TV across from the three of you.

"You're acting like us as freshmen when the seniors looked at us—" she retorted.

"I thought we didn't talk about that," Jude deadpanned.

"You're 'I don't know what you're talking about' me? I thought we were friends!" Victoria poked you in the rib.

"Ouch! He's just a friendly neighbor, that's it." You said, trying to cut the subject. Jude looked at you suspiciously. "White wine time."

From Spencer's apartment, he could hear the sound of chatter, joyful laughter and opening bottles for the rest of the night. He didn't know how to feel by your invitation, now that he had calmed down after looking you in the eye for a moment, technically, all by yourselves. He would definitely feel inappropriate at a kid's birthday where he barely knew the people who invited him, but he thought that Olivia's gesture was amazingly endearing. What could possibly be more childishly adorable than an infant trying to help and making a 'mistake'? And what could possibly be more devastatingly endearing than a mother taking advantage of said mistake to make it right?

Spencer studied the card for a moment. It fit the palm of his hand, tiny and delicate. It had a different address from yours and the time of the party, all of it lovely handwritten, just like the letters from calligraphy practice notebooks. It seemed like Olivia put a lot of effort in trying to perfect her handiwork. It read:

Hey, it's Oli!

I'm turning six and I want to celebrate it with you!

The contents of the slip of paper were adorned by dainty drawings related to birthdays: party hats, cake, gifts, some decoration and so on. It suddenly dawned on him that he was actually becoming closer to the people he always thought lived a perfect life. His mind had a tendency to wander and, for a fleeting moment, he thought about what it would be like to be part of that perfect life.

Olivia was a perfectionist child. He saw the expected behavior of the age in her manners, but the care with her work almost made him think someone else had done it for her. Something told him it wasn't the case, though.

Secured by two magnets, he placed Olivia's birthday party invitation on his fridge. You know, just so he wouldn't forget it — he tried to convince himself.

Everybody knew about his otherworldly memory, but he decided to forget it purposefully.

"Good morning, good ghost. I didn't see you anymore." Olivia greeted as she saw Spencer in front of the elevator. You were just locking your door closed, hyping yourself up for the week ahead of you when you heard it and a shiver ran down your spine. This, whatever it was, was getting out of hand.

"Good morning, Miss Olivia!" He said, a sweet tone of voice. You melted. "It's true. It's been a while. I was here on the weekend, but it seemed like you had other plans." He stuck his hand out for her to shake. She did it in a heartbeat.

"I was with my grandma and grandpa. They took me to the movies and grandpa made me lasagna." She explained as you approached them, adjusting your bag and Olivia's backpack in each of your arms. "Did'ya get my birthday party invitation?"

"Yes, I did! Thank you for inviting me. But, you know, your mother probably needed the rest of them for the other guests." He said as the elevator opened. He gestured for you to enter it first, so you did it with a grateful nod.

"Sorry, mommy. I didn't mean it." Olivia looked at you briefly, ashamed that you would call her out.

"I know, baby, 's okay. Everyone has one now." You assured her with a light tone. Breathe. "Hi, Spencer. Good morning." You said as he joined you in the elevator.

He breathed out, "Good morning. Hi." He had a big smile on his face, standing right next to you, you both facing the door and Olivia in front of you. Internally, he felt like a puppy who had his owners’ undivided attention.

Olivia pressed the button to the lobby. You noticed a book in his hands. Courage. "So, what are you reading, Spencer?"

He gulped. Were you talking to him? It took him a moment to get a grip and realize that he hadn't answered you. Struggling to find the words and suddenly unable to remember what he was actually reading. "Me? I'm just re-reading one of Dostoievski's books. Notes from Underground."

"Dosto-what?" Olivia chipped in.

You looked at her, ready to tell her to not interrupt someone, but couldn't stop yourself from giggling. Spencer watched it fondly. "It's Dostoievski, baby. D'you remember that one book with the 'ugly' cover that mommy was reading the other day?" You asked her, air quoting the word 'ugly'. “It wasn��t ugly. It just wasn’t pink.” You explained it, looking at Spencer. He grinned.

"Yeah. You didn't read to me because it was work." She said, getting distracted with one of her braids.

"Are you a teacher?" He asked, intrigued.

"No. I actually work for a publishing company. Sometimes I have interesting content to revise." You said, a tinge of irony in your voice. He smiled at you, feeling comfortable enough to joke around him without the awkwardness of that first encounter.

The elevator door opened. Olivia jumped out. "I bet it's interesting," was the best he could come up with. Tongue tied.

“Yeah. It’s a good book.”

Like a fucking teenager, he watched as you left with your daughter. Your mixed laughter echoing in the lobby as Olivia spinned around while you carried the weight all by yourself.

He scolded himself for not remembering to offer you help.

Two days later, a few states over, Spencer sat on a chair at the conference room of the precinct they were working with. The case was exhausting and he just wanted it to be over, but it wasn't that simple. He waited for Derek Morgan — he was his ride that night back to the hotel they were crashing on. He was in front of Derek as he and Penelope talked, her image on the computer screen. The man's nonchalant tone was a riddle for her to unsolve — everyone else was aware that there was definitely something between them (an unspoken dictionary worth of words), even if their interactions were deemed as jokes. Penelope, feeling very shy, tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked at her lap after a particular comment about her smile. As she did so, her eyes caught a glance of her watch. "Oh, shoot. I have to go," she murmured, relieved to have a way out of the exchange that had high chances of turning her into a nervous wreck. "I'm so sorry, handsome! Tomorrow is one of my friend's daughter's birthday."

A flash of disappointment crossed Derek's features. Not that she'd noticed. Instead of pressing her, he chose to say, "Need extra energy to keep up with the kids, babygirl?" Ah, there was it. The teasing tone. She was definitely imagining things.

"Not as much as I need to keep up with you, tiger," she replied with a wink, the dynamic between them quickly shifting back to the usual playful banter. Both of them wanted more than playful and far more than banter, but none of them had the courage to admit it, to be straightforward about it. Spencer understood it, really. Speaking made things too real. "But, seriously. I totally forgot to pick up her gift. Olivia loves reading, so I'll go to the mall. I'm glad I already bought it, so I won't get home late."

If he was a dog, Spencer's ears would have definitely perked up from how quickly he associated one thing to another. Could it be the same Olivia? Your Olivia? "Okay, mama. Be safe." Derek said.

"I will," she smiled as she hung up.

Idiots.

Maybe Derek was too serious about the "no profiling each other" rule they set.

"Let’s go, pretty boy," The dark-skinned agent stated. Spencer got up, grabbed his bag and made his way to the elevator with her.

As they chatted about nothing in particular, walking out of the precinct, he desperately wanted to ask him if she truly didn't see past Penelope's sudden shyness. It wasn't in his nature to do that, of course, but as Derek and Penelope were two of the most important people in his life, he wondered why wouldn't they be a thing by now, since they enjoyed themselves so much and were so open about their affections towards one another.

He was quickly ripped away from his thoughts when the man suddenly spoke up, “So, what's your deal lately, Reid? What's she like?"

The doctor choked on his own saliva, which made him cough like crazy. Derek laughed, but tried to help his panicked friend. "What was that, man?" he asked worriedly, once he saw Spencer had finally inhaled a gulp of air.

Face as red as a tomato, cough dying in his throat, "what was what?" Derek returned to his normal self once he noticed his friend was able to finally form a coherent sentence.

"You're gonna act dumb now that you almost died when I talked about her?" Derek questioned, teasing tone, "it was just a lucky guess, but I see you, Reid. You're daydreaming far too often for what's acceptable for the boy genius who's as focused as a laser beam."

Spencer looked straight ahead as they got to the exit. He should have cornered Derek first. "Why would you think it has anything to do with a 'her'?" He chuckled, nervous to be caught red-handed — even if he wasn't doing anything wrong.

Was it wrong to want? He felt like it was. All his life, really. Had no chance to want anything because either was a far too distant reality, person, happiness for him to grasp it or it was ripped away from him too soon, before he could even acknowledge what was happening inside him. That's why want was almost a foreign sensation for Spencer. He had been deprived of it for as long as he could remember.

"Because people get a little dumb when they're in love. At least, ordinary people do. Apparently, so do geniuses," he snickered, his mind also set on teasing Spencer.

Maybe it was dumb to reveal his secret, jaw dropping crush on his cute neighbor, but he wanted some sort of relief to that mess of tangled thoughts inside his head and the strange, to say the least, feelings brewing on his chest whenever he saw you. You barely knew each other. But he supposed it was yet another part of the want he wasn’t familiar with: it didn't need much and it took all consciousness out the door. It wasn't uncommon for him to feel like his heart was being ripped out of his chest whenever he was on the field, especially since he was often facing danger. The way the events were unfolding were scarily similar to his cases: he noticed you, made up theories based on your behavior and routine, and slowly, oh, so slowly, started to approach you. Not to put you away, but for more personal reasons.

What was different was the feeling in his heart, instead of the sensation of being squeezed painfully inside his ribcage, often leading to ragged breathing, now felt like it was being held delicately by a pair of caring, dainty hands. Either way, his heart was fighting in the frontline and relied on the other part to be calmed and saved. The least he could do was try to be careful, finally opting not saying anything to Derek.

"Just a lot on my mind lately," he chose to say, instead. Derek dropped the subject, too tired to press it further.

Olivia's party had come to an end an hour ago. You got to see old friends and talked until they got every single ounce of information about your life lately and so did you about theirs. Your daughter had enjoyed her party greatly, and hugged every. single. person. who came to wish her happy birthday and thanked them for being there. She paid little attention to the gifts, too focused on spending time with her friends, playing with them until the sugar rush wore off — all of them had a massive candy intake that day. You didn't spend much time with her, but she promised you that she would unwrap her gifts the next morning with you, the most adorable toothless grin on her face.

Despite everything flowing accordingly, all day long, your stomach churned with anticipation. You wondered if Olivia's dad would show up, since the day she was born was, quote, the happiest of his life. His parents did, and when you looked at them anxiously, his mother shot you a neutral glance. Not a word from his end was its meaning. Your daughter never asked anything about him during the day, which made you even more jittery. You feared she would have a breakdown at any time, so you paid extra attention to her.

It never came.

You had missed the deadline of a book chapter that you had to revise, too caught up on trying to balance everything in your life, so your parents told you they'd stay with her so you could go home to work and take her in the morning. Normally, you wouldn't accept it, but your father had decided you were too tired to wake her to go home, so you complied. Right after the guests left, you did all the steps of her night routine, except for the bedtime story — she was that tired of all the running around in the backyard. You were sure she would sleep all night long.

Once she dozed off, you stood for a moment in her grand-bedroom (she had come up with that and it kind of stuck with you). Your parents had decorated it while you were still pregnant. She needs to feel at home, was what your mother said when you walked in on them assembling her crib. You almost cried, overwhelmed with joy. Your fiancé, then, had rolled up his sleeves to help out. Oh, the irony.

Her room was full of photographs that held many memories of her six years of life. You could never imagine that you could love this much, let alone dedicate yourself so entirely to someone like you did for her. Even though it was hard and you often didn't feel like you were enough to raise her on your own, Olivia was a wonderful child and her gestures and overall behavior assured you you were doing a good job. The reflection brought tears to your eyes. You drove home by yourself.

Currently, in your apartment, it felt a little too big without Olivia in there — too many books, too many chairs, too much space on your sofa, too many toys scattered around with nobody to play with them. You sighed, deciding on going to the kitchen to make you a cup of tea — you felt like your brain was hammering inside your skull and you still needed to spend time in front of a computer screen. Going back to your small office to wallow in self pity and second guess yourself even as you read whatever material it was, you heard a knock on the door.

You checked your watch. 9p.m. On a Saturday.

Weird.

Through the peephole, you saw someone you truly weren't expecting. "Spencer?" You asked as you opened the door, surprise filling your being. "I didn't think you'd come, I supposed you were at work. I mean, sometimes it feels like you barely have a routine, heh. But, um, thanks for dropping by." You said, a little unfiltered. Not even five seconds in his presence and you were already making a fool of yourself in front of him.

He held a small bouquet of flowers in one of his hands and a gift in the other. To a stranger's eye, it seemed like he had missed your birthday and was trying to apologize for it. You blushed at the thought. He shut his eyes, sorry crossing his features. "I know. I'm sorry I missed it, even though I really didn't want to. You were right, I was away on a case." You smiled, dismissing his apologies and soothing his worries once you did so.

"It's alright with me. She was totally expecting you, though. Kept asking where you were for the first hour. Then she got distracted with candy," you told him, "so she's the one you're gonna need to apologize to." You joked.

"T—that's why I'm here."

"I'm just not sure if Olivia is old enough to get flowers," you said, face serious. His eyes went wide and it took him a moment to understand, but once he looked at your serious expression cracking, his shoulders shook with laughter, with you. If you had more attention, you'd seen the moment his ears turned red.

Your laughter died down. A beat of silence. "These are actually for you." He revealed.

You were stunned. "Oh," you said, suddenly at a loss of words. "Thank you so much."

He gave you the flowers and you gracefully accepted. You were mesmerized by them; colors swimming in harmony before your eyes and the scent making you feel dizzy. Maybe not the scent, but the emotions you were feeling with the surprise. He went out of his way to get you those flowers — it's safe to say that it had been a while since you felt that way. "I—I have no words, Spencer. Really. Thank you so much," your voice choked.

You looked at each other for a brief moment. You tried to show how much you appreciated his gesture. You grinned, trying to get out of that haze, "Do you want to come in? Oli's with my parents, so you won't be able to apologize today," you quipped, making room for him to enter.

"Yeah, I'd love to."

"You can place the giftbox on the coffee table." He went inside, toeing off his shoes in the small space you had before the living room. Once he was there, he saw you enter the kitchen to find a vase. He could see you from where he stood. "Make yourself at home. Do you want some tea? I have Earl Gray."

Your voice was distant as he took in his surroundings. "Yeah, I'd like it." He murmured as he looked around. Your walls were a light gray, adorned with pictures of you and Olivia, some people he assumed were some of your friends. The wall behind the sofa was entirely covered by a big bookshelf that went from one end to the other, filled with books and souvenirs from basically everywhere. The dark wood of the furniture complemented the light walls in a cozy way, some toys and kids books scattered around the floor. The apartment smelled like fresh printed sheets of paper and earl gray tea. You had a few indoor plants that looked well taken care of. Spencer was admiring your degree from Stanford, which hung on the wall beside the TV, almost close to the door.

"One of my biggest achievements. Besides Olivia, of course," you approached him with his mug of tea. Turning to you, he noticed through his peripheral vision that you had placed the flowers inside a vase and in your coffee table.

"Thanks," he said.

"So... are you okay?"

The question caught him off guard. What?

You smiled a little. "You always look kinda tired when I see you," you said, not thinking about how your words might be interpreted. Your eyes widened, realizing it. "I mean, no! Sorry! You're still pretty, don't worry. It's just— I asked because you might be going through something. Forget I said anything about your looks."

He would definitely never forget.

Spencer laughed, flustered, eyes softly gazing at you while you rambled like a madman. "I'm fine, thanks for asking. Sometimes my job is a little demanding and I'm forced to see some things that usually people don't even think exist," he confessed.

You bit your lip. "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be," he retorted, "I have a great team to work with."

"I'm glad to hear that. Sorry I brought it up, you probably don't want to talk about work right now." You said, sipping on your tea.

"Yeah, you're right, again," he chuckled. "How was Olivia's birthday?" He tried a change of subject.

"That was actually the reason I was moping when you got here," you said, trying to force a chuckle. "It was nice, I guess. I was just on edge all day trying to anticipate her emotions regarding her dad, but I guess they never came. At least, not today." You beckoned him to sit with you on the couch, now facing each other directly.

"May I ask why?" He asked, tentatively.

"Why what?"

More hesitance. "Why wasn't he there?"

"From what I know, he moved away." You said, tone unreadable.

He worried that he was overstepping and wasn't sure that he would like to hear more about it. He was scared to find out unpleasant news, such as you still had feelings for him. "I'm sorry." Was all he could muster.

"Don't be. I have a great team," you repeated his words from earlier and he smiled at you.

His brain and tongue didn't seem to be working together that night, he was so avid to know more. "Did you always have support?"

"My parents didn't like the idea of having a single mother when they first heard it. It hit me hard back then, but then I realized it was better to be alone than to stay in an unhappy relationship, especially since Olivia was already in the picture." You said, setting your own mug on the coffee table.

"What happened?" Stop it.

He couldn't help it, he was too curious. It was his first opportunity to truly know the novel sort of family that you had. Apparently, not so much.

"He was distant before leaving. Someone else, maybe?" You asked, rhetorically, a crease between your eyebrows. "I never found out, but I don't want or need to, either. His parents absolutely love Olivia and they were there today, 's all that matters."

"You’re a very strong person."

"I have to be," you said, softly. "You’re a very good listener."

A rush of courage running through his veins. Deciding on not taking the road of unsaid things, like his friends were earlier. Don’t dance around the subject, take the opportunity. Dare. "And you're just as pretty."

The world stopped. You looked at him in disbelief. It didn't last much. A knock on your door. Scratch that: someone banging on your door.

You pinched your eyebrows together. Spencer stood up, almost as if he was doing something wrong. You looked at him, apologizing, "I'm not expecting anyone."

You walked to the door and he stood behind you, telling you he was going to let you be. You didn't want to and you were already chastising yourself from not trying to talk to him and focusing on your problems instead. You opened the door and in the threshold stood Penelope Garcia, gift basket in hands. Before you could speak, both of your guests spoke at the same time.

A mortified "Garcia?" from Spencer.

A surprised "Spencer?" from Penelope.

Finally, a confused "Do you know each other?" from you.

"Yeah. We work together." Spencer replied. "What are you doing here, Penelope?"

"What are you doing here, boygenius?" Her tone now was teasing, a cheshire grin on her face. You were acting confused, but you were loving to see Spencer so out of place.

"I... I was..." He trailed off.

Poor thing. "He came to drop Olivia's gift. We're neighbors." You explained, trying to save him from further embarrassment.

She glanced between you two, eyes full of mirth behind her glasses. "I'm here to do the same." She said, smiling as she handed you the basket, which you took carefully and thanked her with a side hug. "There's her present, sweetcheeks. I'm so sorry I couldn't be there, you know how much I miss you and Olivia. But I'm sure our genius told you all about it." Her sentimental words truly held emotion, but she turned her attention to Spencer once again. The opportunity was too good to let go.

Spencer looked like a fish out of water. You opened your mouth to speak, but he beat you to it. "Garcia, can we talk?" He asked abruptly. "I'm sorry, I have to go." He murmured in a much more soft tone to you.

He could never resume whatever was going on in there because he felt like he had been caught with his pants down.

You were so surprised you didn't even process what was your answer, forgetting to ask if Penelope wanted to come in or anything. "I—Okay. I'll see you, then." With a small smile and slight disappointment in your voice. He all but dashed out of your apartment and took Garcia, who had a mischievous expression on her face, with him. You closed your door and looked at the mix of flowers. A sigh escaped you. Damn, Garcia.

Spencer was escorting Penelope back to her car, ready to bury himself alive because he knew she would run her mouth and knew precisely to whom she would tell about it. And, of course, the endless jokes he would hear during the next few days. "Sooooo..." She trailed off, suggestively.

"I—don't want to talk." She opened her mouth, but had no success in talking. "Not. A. Word."

She entered her car and started the engine as he waited for her to go. But before she started driving, she yelled, "I knew you had it in you, Reid."

From your balcony, work long forgotten, you watched Spencer hide his face in his hands in utter embarrassment.

You were doomed.

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bunni-v1 · 2 months ago

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Hello! Can I request full nsfw alphabet with jade? Afab and fem reader too please. Thank you!

🍓Jade is done as well (YAYYY!!!!) You're one of like six people to ask for him, but you were the first so I chose you. You're welcome. Anyway this isn't edited, and I feel like this doesn't need to be said, but Jade is like nineteen here in accordance to my rules. Anyway have a good day love you all <3

Jade NSFW Alphabet!

A = Aftercare: Jade is, and there is no easy way to put this, very fucking strange. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s not from land (this hardly seems like an excuse, because Azul is fantastic with aftercare), but he is very weird about aftercare. Not in the fact that he doesn’t do it, nor that he doesn’t want to do it, he’s just… ritualistic about it. He has a routine set for it: First, he ensures any marks will be very visible on you – if they are not he will fix that. Don’t worry. Second, after you are nice and claimed, he will take you to his bathroom and make sure the two of you are nice and clean. He insists that you use his shampoo and body wash, and if you don’t he pouts in that creepy way he does until you give in. Finally, he grabs you a set of matching pajamas he bought specifically for when you stay over at his, and you two cuddle and talk before falling asleep. You have to talk though, he won’t have it if you don’t converse a little. It has to be just like that, or else he gets irritated and he will give you the silent treatment. He’s petty.

B = Body Part: Starting with himself, I imagine Jade finds his hands to be his best asset. His fingers are long and slim, and he takes very good care of them. Nails are trimmed short and usually painted a pretty teal, but all around, they are rather pretty. They are a little calloused on the tips from his hikes, but it’s hardly noticeable unless they're scraping over your sides. With you, though, Jade has a very hard time choosing. There’s just so much to like! It’s your ass, Jade likes your ass. It’s just a lovely little thing to him, soft and round and perfect for grabbing, especially around others. Copping a feel in front of Azul and hearing that little squeak is such a satisfying sensation.

C = Cum: I have a feeling a lot of my Jade takes may be controversial, and this may be one of them. I think a lot of people imagine he’s a clean freak, which he is, but like… he’s not a germaphobe or anything. He lives with Floyd. With that being said, uhm, Jade likes it messy <3 Like dripping down the legs, staining the sheets, drawing on your skin kinda messy. His cum is also really unique, because of his origins. It’s tinted like a blueish color, and it’s very thick. He doesn’t make you swallow it usually because it’s hard to get down and there’s a lot, always a lot. It’s also salty because he has a high salt content in his blood. (Yes. It glows.)

D = Dirty Secret: You’re not gonna like this one, I can tell you that now. Jade is an exhibitionist and does not care where he has sex, he just wants to have it when he wants it. (He’s spoiled rotten). He’d never fuck you in the busy rush hour at the monstro lounge, of course. The average customer shouldn’t even think about seeing you in such a vulnerable state. However, he wouldn’t mind if Floyd or Azul or some random person happened to stumble upon you in a storage closet. He doesn’t want them to join, because he’d 100% cut their hands off if they touched you, he just wants to… assert to them his relationship with you. Yeah, that’s all.

E = Experience: He doesn’t strike me as very experienced, or like the type to even seek out sex outside of a dedicated relationship. So you are most likely his first sexual and romantic partner, not that you can tell. He’s very attentive and exceptionally good at his job of pleasuring you. Even if he is bad, he’s a very quick learner, so he picks things up easily and fast for you.

F = Favorite Position: Jade likes control, so any position where he has full control over you and your body is heaven to him. He also likes to look at you, just to study your face and make you squirm under his gaze. So something like the valedictorian, where your legs are pinned out in a V, or pretty much anything where your legs are over his shoulder so you can’t squirm as much. Big fan of the prone bone for the same reasons, though he doesn’t like not seeing you.

G = Goofy: Jade isn’t… goofy, per se… but he doesn’t take sex super seriously. He finds sex to be amusing, especially human sex. Mer sex is different, less physical or intimate, so it's all new and exciting to him. He will absolutely chuckle and joke, but it’s always to tease you and make you all flustered. So yes? Kinda? Not really though.

H = Hair: We know Jade is well-groomed. He keeps it nice and short and shaved, just a little tuft of teal, mostly for asthetics.

I = Intimacy: He’s not typically all that romantic during. Like I said before, sex is mostly a fun, interesting thing for him. Sure he likes you close and loves to watch your reactions but that's less of a romantic thing and more of a he’s a predator and you’re his prey thing. Still, he has his moments. Like when he’s about to cum he’ll press his forehead to yours (or to your back) and whisper out that he loves you so very much and that you’re so amazing for him.

J = Jack Off: Like… never. 1) He doesn’t have much of a sex drive to start. 2) He’s only ever turned on by something you do, maybe just the thought of you. 3) If he’s ever in a situation where he is turned on and you’re not around or you’re busy… well you won’t be separated for long! He just doesn’t like the act, unlike his brother, and especially doesn’t like wasting his ahem seed when it would do much better inside of you.

K = Kink: Okay so I’ve already established he’s a bit of an exhibitionist, but he’s also a voyeur. Like, please get yourself off while he watches you struggle and whine for him, it’s one of his favorite hobbies. He’s a sadist (obviously) and loves to see you squirm and uncomfortable (to the extent that you’re comfortable with, of course). He is also big into marking, no shit, he’s so possessive it would be insane if he wasn’t into marking you up. I’m gonna be honest, and again people may hate me for this, but he’s probably into Consensual Non-Consent so long as the two of you set up firm boundaries and safe words beforehand. (He’s a sadist, but he’d never fucking hurt his partner. His mama taught him better than that.)

L = Location: His favorite place is obviously his bedroom. Seeing you on his sheets is just a sight that cannot be beat. But other than that… anywhere with a little risk. Storage closets, the bathrooms, hell he’s even fucked you on Azul’s office couch. Pretty much down with any place so long as he can keep you nice and hidden if you do get caught. (Lord help the guy who gets a peek at you naked).

N = No: There’s not really anything Jade hasn’t thought of trying. One thing he ruled out very quickly, though, was sharing. He’s not a fan of sharing things, especially not things as cute and precious to him as you. So if you ever suggest it, he’ll probably kill the person you were considering bringing in.

O = Oral: He is big on receiving, sorry gang, he’s not big on giving. The sight of your lips wrapped around him, drool and cum dripping down your chin, it’s like a dream to our little freak. When he does give though, he’s pretty damn good. I mean, all it takes is one or two times and he’s got you down like a book. Be careful, though, he’s known to nip if you squirm too much.

P = Pace: Jade is pretty slow all things considered. While sex is fun for him, he loves making things slow and incredibly excruciating for you. Do you want to cum? Too bad, Jade’s adamant about slowly pulling out inch by inch just to slowly slide in the same. Sometimes, though, he’ll randomly swap to a bruising pace just to see how you react.

Q = Quickie: If it isn’t obvious by now, yes he’s into quickies. They’re not his favorite, okay, he likes to take his time… but if he wants sex he’s gonna get it, even if it has to be fast. Besides, the thrill of nearly being caught is enough to make the experience all worth it for him.

R = Risk: Duh. Yes, Jade loves risk-taking, and he’s willing to do anything (except share) once to see how you both like it. All you have to do is ask, talk it over, and then you’ll try and implement it.

S = Stamina: Jade can go for a really long time, but once he cums he’s pretty much out of commission. He’s so good at self-control, but keeping himself from cumming takes a lot out of him, so once he does he can’t go again. Usually, the two of you have one really long round, then it’s all tending to each other and sweet words until you knock out.

T = Toys: He does! I don’t think he’s the biggest fan of them, but if he really wants to stretch things out he’s 100% bringing out his toys. They’re all designed to aid in pleasure, but not allow you to cum, and they’re all remote-controlled. He likes to stuff you with one and send you on your way so he can mess with you throughout the day.

U = Unfair: I don’t need to answer this. (See all of the above lol)

V = Volume: Jade is quiet, he doesn’t make much noise if any at all. He’d rather hear your voice, so he keeps himself to a minimum. You’ll hear a few sighs and purrs of pleasure, but that’s all you’ll get other than his comments about how cute you are under him.

W = Wild Card: He likes being marked up too, but he won’t tell anyone that. He doesn’t want anyone else to see the marks, because to him they’re his own little trophies of being a good partner, but he loves them.

X = X-Ray: Jade is average, about 5.8 inches flaccid and 6 inches hard. It’s really pretty though, pale like him and his tip is flushed a baby pink that could make you jealous. He’s thinner than most, and it doesn’t have many veins.

Y = Yearning: His sex drive is actually rather low, there isn’t much that turns him on outside of you, and it’s rare that he gets turned on in the first place. Usually when you’re being particularly argumentative or cute, he starts feeling a little hot and bothered. Z = Zzz: He’s usually tired afterward, but like I said he needs his little chat. So he doesn’t fall asleep fast at all, usually able to keep himself up to take care of you and himself.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #x reader #bunni's treats 🧁#jade leech #jade leech x reader #jade leech twst

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unfinishedslurs · 2 years ago

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party king (steddie)

“You want me to what?”

“Go to a party with me,” Eddie says, looking at Steve like he’s the weirdo here. “What’s the big deal, King Steve? You’ve been to plenty of parties.”

“You know, no one actually called me that,” Steve tells him, abandoning his tapes to put his hands on his hips. “Billy started it. I think he just wanted people to call him a king.”

Eddie visibly considers this before nodding, like it makes sense. Which it does. Billy was, in Steve’s private thoughts, an egotistical maniac who needed to calm down.

May he rest in peace.

“But you’ll come to the party with me, right?”

“Give it up, Eddie,” Robin calls from where she’s rewinding tapes. “Steve hasn’t been to a party in forever. He’s basically a grandpa now.”

“Hey!” Steve objects. That’s rich, coming from her. Going to bed at nine some nights so he gets a few more hours of sleep before waking up in a cold sweat does not make him a grandpa. It just makes him traumatized

“Steeeeeeeve,” Eddie whines, widening his eyes until it looks like they’re going to pop out of his sockets. His exaggerated pout isn't going to do him any favors either. No matter what the kids say behind his back (looking at you, Henderson) he isn't a pushover.

“Why would I want to go to a high school party?” He crosses his arms, leaning against the counter. “I graduated. I have better things to do with my time.”

“Like lose arcade games to freshmen?” Robin asks. He flips her the bird.

“Please, Steve?” Eddie asks. “Pretty please? Pretty pretty please, with cherries and whipped cream and six little nuggets on top?”

“What the hell are you even saying anymore?”

“You want him to eat his babies?” Robin shrieks. “Like Kronos? Is one of them going to cut off his head and free the rest?”

Eddie’s eyes light up, and Steve slaps a hand over his mouth. He doesn’t know who that guy is, and he doesn’t want to deal with the two of them chattering over whatever movie villain he’s assuming is in their weird cult classic films when he still doesn’t know why Eddie is asking him to this party.

He doesn’t even flinch when Eddie licks his hand.

“I’ve been slobbered on by actual monsters,” he says flatly. “Your spit has zero effect on me.”

Eddie bats his eyes and gives his palm a kiss, right where he’d laved his tongue. Steve rolls his eyes and wipes his hand on the side of Eddie’s face.

“Hey!”

“Don’t dish what you can’t take,” Steve says. “Now, why exactly am I getting asked to go to a high school party?”

“Jessica Roberts needs some kush, and she asked me to sell there.”

“Okay? Still not answering my question.”

“There’s gonna be jocks at the party,” Eddie finally confesses, “and I don’t know if they’ll try shit. But given my track record lately…”

“So you need a bodyguard?”

“Hey!” Steve shouts, and is summarily ignored by everyone. So he does what any normal person would do, and slams an abandoned beer bottle against the edge of the counter so it shatters.

The jocks turn and look at him after that.

Steve glances down at the jagged edges of the bottle in his hands, flipping it like it’s his old ice cream scoop. Yeah, this should work.

“Leave him alone,” he says, steely inflection to his voice.

“Or what, Harrington?” One of them asks. “Heard you just been sittin’ in this room all night. What, you hanging around the queers now? Didn’t take you for a f-”

He stops talking when Steve grabs him by the hair and presses the broken bottle against his throat.

“Here’s what's gonna happen,” he says quietly, taking a look at his buddy. He’s let go of Eddie, a lot more spooked now that his friend is shaking in his Nike’s. “You’re going to leave this room. You’re going to leave Munson here alone. You’re not going to bother him, or anyone else in his dragon club ever again. If I hear that you or your little friends are fucking with him, I have a very nice nail-studded baseball bat in my trunk I’d be more than happy to introduce you to. Capisce?”

“Woah, woah, woah,” the guy that was holding Eddie says. “What the hell, Harrington?”

Steve doesn’t break eye contact with the guy he’s threatening. “Capisce?” He asks again, putting a little more force into the word.

“C-capisce.”

“Good,” he says, shoving him away. “Now get outta here.”

They scramble away. Steve walks over to the trash can and throws away the remains of the bottle, running a hand through his hair. He finally turns around to see Eddie staring at him with wide eyes, frozen.

“Sorry-”

“Fuck me.”

“What?”

Eddie’s entire face flushes, like he didn’t mean to say that. “Uh.”

Steve looks at him, and then around the kitchen they’re in. Glass and beer on the floor, music blasting loud enough to set him on edge, a crowd of people that look at him like a zoo exhibit. Fuck, his head hurts.

“Yeah, okay,” he decides. “We’re going to mine, though.”

“Wh-what?” Eddie looks like a deer in headlights, even though Steve’s offering exactly what he asked.

“I…have no idea what I’m doing,” Eddie confesses.

“Oh, are you not…” He trails off, gesturing towards Eddie’s back pocket. “I assumed…”

Eddie laughs abruptly, slapping a hand over his mouth like he startled himself with it. “You know hanky code, Harrington?”

“Can you call me Steve when you’re in my bed?” He’s already got his shirt off, for God’s sake. “Listen, man, if you don’t want this, it’s no biggie.” He starts to get off, and Eddie’s hand clamps over his thigh.

“No, no, no, don’t you dare. Just gimme a minute, I’m processing.”

“Processing,” he repeats flatly.

“Yes, processing. I’ve got the guy of my extremely virginal wet dreams shirtless on top of me. I did not think this would ever happen. I didn’t even know you were queer until tonight.”

Steve’s mouth shapes into an “o” of understanding. “You’re a virgin?”

“Jesus, could you focus on anything else I said?”

“You dream about me?”

“Let’s go back to the virgin part.” His fingers start nervously tapping against Steve’s leg.

“You’re not subtle,” Steve says flatly. “I know when you stare at my ass.”

Eddie colors in a flood of bright red. “What if I wasn’t? What if I was…uh, jealous or something?”

“I guess that’d make sense, since you’re flat as a board.”

“Wh—hey!”

#party king au #stranger things fanfic #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve being unhinged is so fun #furthering my 'eddie has a flat ass' agenda one fic at a time #honestly i don't think steve is UNpopular after s1-2 like i feel like he'd exist in this weird space #where everyone likes him but he has no friends outside the party #and maybe he went to a couple of parties post s3 with robin but they got bored and bailed

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chrrychills · 4 months ago

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Hi!!!! Do you think you could do SBG main six with a really affectionate S/O? Like there S/O is always around them and most of the time is clinging onto them in one way or another. Examples: hand holding, pinky holding, hugging there arm, hugging them, leaning on them, random kisses.

baby, tell me what you need .

main six « affectionate s/o!

ashlyn banner:

•she's not into affection at all. ashlyn gets uncomfortable when people are in her personal space, especially in public. she'll hold your hand/ pinkie while around others, but that's pretty much it. maybe she'll let you lean on her shoulder if you're tired, and that's a big maybe.

•in private, though, she's a little more affectionate but it isn't by much. when you two are alone, she doesn't mind cuddling and kisses much. if it's excessive, she'll find a way to nicely tell you to tone it down.

•the longer you two are dating, the more you end up adjusting to each other. she gets more comfortable with physical affection, and you get better at understanding her boundaries and when she doesn't want to be touched. you two end up being really in sync with the other's emotions.

•the only time she shows affection beyond hand holding is when you're hurt/in danger. if there was a close call or you got injured, she'll definitely wrap you in a pretty tight hug while scolding you/ apologizing, depending on what happened.

•overall, she gets used to your affectionate tendencies and eventually grows fond of them.

aiden clark:

•aiden's big on physical touch, so your affection is definitely welcome. be prepared to always be touching in some way– wether that's cuddling or just holding hands.

•in all honesty, he's probably the one to initiate affection most of the time. he'll stop if you tell him to, but if you don't he's practically attached to your side the entire time you two are together.

•a huge cuddler. although he's hyper, he can knock out in seconds if you're cuddling and playing with his hair.

•he literally never gets embarrassed, so he doesn't care if people think the affection is weird or gross. he's also lowkey whipped so it just might not occur to him.

•the longer you two are dating, the more normal he gets about affection. it's a lot more casual and subtle then it was at the beginning of the relationship, but it's aiden so he's obviously still touching you in some way.

•he's annoying and likes to stick his foot in your face, especially when you're concentrating on something and he wants your attention. it usually works, too.

ben clark:

•he's internally freaking out every. single. time. it doesn't matter what you're doing– holding hands, holding his arm, kissing his cheek, anything. he's a mess.

•he gets better at handling the affection a couple months into the relationship, but he's still lowkey giddy and it's hilarious. aiden's on his case about it constantly, which doesn't really help.

•ben isn't one to initiate affection, just because he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable. it doesn't bother him when you do it, but he'd be beating himself up for weeks if he accidentally did something you were comfortable with.

•he doesn't initiate a lot of affection, but what he will initiate is hugs. expect a lot of them– not that you can complain. ben gives the warmest, softest, most comforting hugs known to man. you could literally fall asleep standing while hugging him.

•100% a pinkie holder. he won't give a reason as to why he prefers it over holding hands, but you do it anyway because he always smiles a little when you wrap your pinkie around his, and it's worth the sight.

tyler hernandez:

•at the beginning of the relationship, he has a hard time accepting, much less reciprocating any type of affection in public. he isn't embarrassed, he's just nervous of making a fool of himself.

•he does a complete 180 when you two are alone, though. wether your studying, making food, sleeping, etc etc etc. if he isn't touching you somehow, he'll pout until you hug him.

•he gets better with PDA the longer you date, but it's still subtle. he'd rather perish than be the overly-touchy couple that people hate. the most affection in public is hand holding and cheek kisses when picking you up/dropping you off. maybe a quick peck on the lips if you haven't seen each other in a while.

•the cuddle bug. he loves cuddling, especially if he's in a bad mood. there's been multiple times where he's dragged you into bed and didn't let you leave until he felt better. also lowkey forced you to play with his hair, but you don't mind because he might as well start purring with how content he is.

•cheek kisses! he thinks they're cute, and he thinks you're cute. so in his mind, you = cheek kisses.

taylor hernandez:

•she loves your affection. she lives for it, and will reciprocate every time without fail.

•chronic hand squeezer. it helps her stay grounded when she's stressed, upset, or scared. you two 100% squeeze each other's hand three times to say 'i love you' without actually saying it.

•forehead kisser. she thinks it's sweeter and more intimate than anything else. her dad used to kiss her forehead to comfort her when she was a kid, so she doesn't it to you in hopes of providing you with that same comfort.

•she loves when you kiss her hands. knuckles, palms, wrists, it doesn't matter. since she does mechanics, her hands get kind of roughed up. she'll melt when you kiss any cuts, bruises, or callouses she may have.

•also a big cuddler, but not as much as her brother. she likes to take an hour or two when you can to just lay in bed, holding each other and whispering stories and quiet i love you's.

lacey's notes:

i officially don't write logan anymore. sorry to those who love him, i just feel like my writing doesn't do him justice.

tumblr has deleted this draft four fucking times the stupid cunts.

not edited because if i have to spend another minute on this i'm deleting my entire blog.

title inspo:

#sbg #sbg x reader #x reader #sbg ashlyn #ashlyn banner x reader #sbg aiden #aiden clark x reader #sbg ben #ben clark x reader #sbg tyler #tyler hernandez x reader #sbg taylor #taylor hernandez x reader

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aceofheartsstuff · 16 days ago

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If I had a nickel for every time a show had a six-year long slow burn featuring an ex-military guy who hates his wartime decorations, has an absent father and an emotional-support grandparent, a young kid who the fanbase deeply loves, AND deeply repressed romantic feelings for another lead, and a person who knows freakish fun facts, hides their true feelings behind their job, is considered "odd" but charming by their coworkers/peers, have nicknames that start with B and has older siblings that had to hide deep-seated family secrets from them for years

I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice, right?

#911 abc #911 show #911 #911 tv show #911 fox #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #bones tv #bones and booth #booth and brennan #bones fox

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httpiastri · 1 month ago

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PERFECTLY FINE – CHAPTER SIX (BARCELONA & SPIELBERG)

genre: angst, fluff, comfort, the usual.

word count: 6.8k

warnings: more heartbreak 😭 sorry but it has to get real bad before it gets good again

author's note: aaaaa thank you all for your patience!! december 7th is officially pepe day now. <3 im kinda mean to pepe here tho, but i also did one good thing which... if you notice what i mean when i say i gave him what he deserves, lmk and i'll give your head a little pat. okay anyways, hope you enjoy :) (also!! i feel like this isn't my best work but i am so so excited to write the silverstone chapter!! stay tuned for that for way more action (and heartbreak)!!!)

series masterlist

BARCELONA

returning to racing after a break always comes with a mix of emotions; anticipation, nerves, and the trace of hope that lingers in the air. this time is no different.

qualifying went great – another session in the top ten meant a good starting point for both races, a result that left the whole team buzzing with optimism for their home weekend.

but the real headline of the day wasn't about you; it belonged to someone else. the boy who had earned his first pole position in f2.

paul.

even though he was the on average fastest qualifier last season, he didn't grab a single pole – but now, he's finally done it. and when you close your eyes, you can still see the way his face lit up with a grin as he got out of his car and celebrated with his team.

it's well past sundown by now, but the paddock is still buzzing with anticipation for the weekend when it's finally time for you to go back to the hotel. having said goodbye to all remaining staff members, you pick up your backpack from the floor and make your way to the door of the truck. right then, your phone buzzes with a text – a congratulatory one from your father, happy with your results for once.

well, as happy as "congrats, good job today" can be interpreted.

with your eyes stuck on the screen of your phone, trying to figure out an answer, you don't even notice that you're about to walk right into someone as you exit the truck. thankfully, the other person does notice, placing their hands on your upper arms to keep you from stumbling into them. you almost consider not looking up, too embarrassed to want to acknowledge that this incident even occurred, but then you recognize the voice. "in a rush somewhere?"

your gaze snaps up instantly, meeting a pair of baby blue eyes slightly covered by a fringe of gorgeous, blonde curls.

right. the hitech truck is parked right next to the campos one this weekend. you already knew this was bound to cause some awkwardness.

"no, i'm not, sorry-" you shake your head to stop your rambling, instead taking a deep breath. "congrats on your pole position."

paul smiles at that – a very gentle one, but still one you recognize to be sincere. "it's pretty great, isn't it?" he asks, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. "i mean, i still have to make good use of it, but..."

"i'm sure you will."

a few moments of silence follow. it's not too awkward per se; after everything that's happened between you both recently, you feel a lot more comfortable and safe around him after monaco. but then again, the last time you spoke was in the middle of the night, when you were dizzy and weird and possibly drunk, with your boyfriend sleeping just a few feet away with no idea of what was going on.

when you try to speak again, paul speaks up, too. "i really should-"

"could you wait here for just a moment?"

you really should go – a picture of ollie pops up in your head, and you suddenly feel an urge to check that his promise ring is still wrapped around your finger – but something in you tells you to nod. paul drops into the hitech truck again, leaving you to wait outside for a few moments, before re-appearing in front of you with a little box covered in wrapping paper in his hands.

"i know your birthday was the other week, so," he starts, holding out the present to you. "happy birthday."

for a couple of seconds, you don't say anything and don't move even an inch, just blinking down at the box in his hands. "are you serious?"

"you don't have to take it," he adds at that, suddenly a little insecure after seeing your reaction. "i just thought... i don't know, i'm-"

"stop, of course i want it," you intervene, shaking your head slightly as you finally take the box in your hands. it's heavier than you'd expected; you wouldn't have been surprised if it had been just a box filled with air, some kind of prank, but this box definitely has some kind of content. when you remove the wrapper, you're left with just a classic, black jewelry box. "paul..."

"i bought it for your birthday last year, but... you know that stuff happened." he shifts a little in his place, hands moving back to his front pockets. "since we're kind of friends again, i wanted you to have it. i have no use for it anyway."

as you slide off the lid, you almost lose your breath there and then. inside the box lies a golden chain, with a little heart pendant hanging from it – engraved with your initials.

"are you serious?" you ask, but you don't wait for the answer before stepping forward, engulfing him in a big hug. paul hesitates for a moment, and it makes you freeze. was it too much too soon? too big of a reaction for just a gift he would've thrown away otherwise? but then, you feel his arms wrap around your waist, and you can relax again. "thank you so much. it's gorgeous."

"you don't have to wear it if you don't want to," he says as you pull apart from the hug, but you shake your head.

"of course i'll wear it. i probably won't ever take it off."

but despite how happy you are that he not only remembered your birthday but made an effort to bring this to you, there's one thought that just won't leave your mind.

why did he keep it all this time, when he could've thrown it away or sold it?

"don't be too hard on yourself," you say, walking over to where pepe sits on the couch in the campos truck. your hand instinctively reaches down to his hair, messing up his dark fringe. "you did well, and you're going to do even better tomorrow. i have no doubts."

the spaniard merely groans, arms crossing over his chest as he slouches down even further in his seat. "i wanted to do better in front of my home crowd, you know?" he asks, shaking his head. "last year i won, and... i just wanted to give them as big of a show."

"you still can," you tell him as you slip onto the couch right next to him. "you have all race tomorrow."

your teammate rolls his eyes at this, but you see the hint of a smile on his lips. "you're just optimistic because you did well..."

"well, finishing in fifth after starting in fourth isn't the best i've done. but points are points."

"still, you- wait, is that a new necklace?" he asks, eyes darting to the pendant hanging around your neck. "let me see it!"

you're just about to swat his hand away when he reaches for it, feeling your cheeks heat up – from bashfulness or guilt, you're not sure – but you stop yourself in the last second. "it's a birthday present."

"from who?"

your answer doesn't come out as confident as you had hoped. "my mum."

he gazes up at you, an eyebrow raised. "you don't have to lie, you know," he says before looking down at the necklace again. "it's really sweet that ollie would buy you something like this."

ollie?

you can't help but look down in your lap at the mention of your boyfriend, your eyes already prickling with unshed tears. definitely guilt this time. pepe notices instantly, as he always does, and reaches over to place a hand on your arm. he doesn't say anything, knowing that you'll explain if you want to. "it's not from ollie…"

the confusion grows even stronger in the poor spaniard, frown so deep the lines in his forehead might go permanent.

"ollie gave me a ring. a promise ring, even…"

"a promise ring?" pepe asks, a gentle smile on his lips. "so things are really getting serious between you two? where is it?"

it hasn't occurred to you before this moment that the ring isn't actually on your finger right now.

you've been taking it off for most sessions – and whenever you work out, do the dishes, shower, sleep… really any chance you get. not because you don't like the ring; it truly is beautiful, but something about it feels off.

maybe it's the fact that it feels like he gave it to you just to trap you with him. it's a thought you've been trying to shake off since the moment he slid it onto your finger; the piece of jewelry should only be bringing you good feelings. why else would someone give a promise ring, if not to vow their unwavering commitment and ask for the same in return?

but with ollie, it doesn't feel like a shared promise – it feels somewhat like a leash.

as much as you've tried to convince yourself otherwise, it's hard to ignore the underlying truth that's been gnawing at you. he didn't give it to you because he wanted to, but because he needed to. like some kind of proof that you wouldn't slip away, that no one else would steal your attention.

it was more damage control than romance.

"it's somewhere in my bag," you say, throwing a glance towards your backpack on the other side of the room, before looking down at your lap again.

"somewhere in your bag?" pepe is trying so hard not to intrude or be too rude; he wants to be supportive, but something about your actions and words is making him suspicious. "you don't really care for it, then? is it ugly?"

"it's gorgeous, but… i just…"

he takes your silence as a sign to keep going. "who gave you the necklace, then?"

the first tear falls from your eye now, accompanied by a few more slow drops that roll down your cheeks. you're not in any rush to wipe them away; you know pepe has been studying you cautiously for a while now, so he definitely noticed already. but it isn't until you remain silent, other than a few occasional sniffles, that it clicks in his head.

"you're kidding," he says with a shake of his head. "paul has got a lot of nerve, you know that?" there's steam blowing out of his ears by now, and he stands up in just a second. "let me go punch the shit out of him-"

"don't!" you manage to grab the sleeve of his maroon redbull hoodie before he gets the chance to leave, pleading eyes staring up at him now. "i wouldn't be wearing it if i wasn't alright with it, i promise."

"then- what?" confusion takes over his expression once again, and he's still struggling to find his words when you pull him down to sit next to you again. "you're a smart girl. i think you know that the charm you're wearing is a heart. and, well…" he shrugs, still unsure of what to say – and with the whole situation, to be honest. "boys don't give away hearts to female friends."

"they don't?"

pepe shakes his head. "i thought you loved ollie."

"i do," you counter instantly, though you don't sound very sure.

"really?"

"well, i- i think i do." you reach up to your cheeks, brushing away a few tears from them. "maybe… maybe i don't. i don't know, pepe."

pepe has no idea how to react or what to say, it's easy to tell – so you choose to explain it all to him.

you tell him about how you were still in love with paul, even after breaking up with him. you tell him about how ollie wasn't supposed to be a rebound, how you felt like everything seemed so perfect from the start, but you could never really grow past that initial stage of adoration and go deeper.

you tell him about all of the moments that have made you doubt; the little interactions with paul where he's acted like the paul he used to be before your breakup, and the times you've been with ollie and felt like you should've been more present than you could be.

you tell him about the guilt of knowing ollie loves you, but not having been able to say it back even once. and you tell him that no matter how much you want to love ollie, no matter how perfect he is to you and how it all just clicks, you still aren't sure if you actually do feel it.

"can i give you my honest opinion on this?" pepe asks when your sobs have died down, streams of tears turned into mere teardrops waiting at the corner of your eye. "what paul did… you may see it as just something sweet that a good friend would do. but something is seriously suspicious about it." he pauses for a moment, and when you remain silent, he speaks up again. "like, why would he still keep that necklace a year later? and why would he bring it this weekend?"

"what are you saying, that he's still in love with me?" you question, eyebrows furrowed. "that he's trying to steal me back?"

"i don't know exactly what he's thinking, but i think you should be cautious." he leans forward ever so slightly, placing both hands on your shoulders. "i think that – and i say this in the most platonic way ever – you're so lovely that if someone were to fall for you once, i don't think there's such a thing as falling out of love. i'm sure he still feels what he felt a year ago."

"and what, you think i'm just going to let him steal me away? like it's that easy?" you shake your head. "i get to choose who i'm with, not paul."

"don't think that i don't know you're a strong and independent woman. but, you also just confessed to me that you're not even sure if you're in love with ollie, so…" he takes a deep breath. "don't get mad at me for thinking that you haven't really made up your mind, or for being suspicious of paul."

"they actually called you in to pit?"

ollie groans, running a hand through his messy, newly cleaned curls. "my steering was completely off," he says, leaning back against the desk in his hotel room. "what was i supposed to do? i had like ten warnings for track limits."

you shrug, flopping back against the bed behind you. "you did what you could, ollie," you say, hoping to bring him at least some solace.

however, the tone of his voice is far from one you had expected. "well, that hasn't been enough all season, has it?" he counters, crossing his arms over his chest. "i've barely scored any points all season. even compared to rookies, i'm terrible."

he doesn't need to say the name for you to know exactly who he means.

your eyes widen at this, and you struggle to find the words. you knew he's always been setting a hard standard for himself to live up to, but since when was he self-deprecating? "darling, we still have half the season left. it'll be alright-"

"easy for you to say," he snaps. "you're not at the back of the field every single race."

you've never seen him like this. he's practically oozing with anger, his gaze drilling holes into your soul.

you knew he was mad, frustrated and about a million other things.

you just didn't expect him to take it out on you.

he realizes it instantly – he notices the way your eyes flicker to the floor, your shoulders slumping slightly and your breath hitching – and regret flashes across his face immediately.

you press your hands into the bed, pushing yourself up to stand. "i think… it's time to go back to my own room," you say, voice much lower than before. "early race tomorrow, you know…"

ollie makes it over to you in just two quick strides, hands finding your hips easily. "hey, i'm really sorry," he says. when your gaze remains fixed on the floor, one of his hands reaches up to cup your cheek, tilting your face up. "i didn't mean to snap at you like that. i'm just frustrated, and… you didn't deserve that."

"it's alright, i get it." you try to put on as much of a genuine smile as possible. you do understand it, at least partially; he's under a lot of stress and doesn't mean whatever he's saying. but at the same time, are you really the person he should snap at? "i really should go, though."

he gives you a nod. "kiss?"

he leans in, pausing just before your lips meet as if giving you the chance to pull away. you don't, and the kiss feels tentative, as if he's testing the waters. there's no spark, it just feels... mechanical. a fleeting press of lips that in no way conveys the comfort he's trying to offer.

ollie pauses for a moment, his nose brushing yours as he whispers. "i really am sorry..." his grip on your waist tightens momentarily, as if trying to hold onto something that's slipping away.

you nod faintly, not trusting yourself to speak. the warmth that usually lingers after a kiss is missing, leaving only an awkward stillness. you step out of his grasp, and before he can say anything else, you've grabbed your bag and made your way out through the door.

the sound of your footsteps against the carpet fades quickly as you walk down the hall, leaving a silence that seems to echo louder than his earlier apology.

p7 to p3 in the feature.

another good race, another podium, another congratulatory text from your father. what could be better?

the post-race media duties took ages this time, and yet, pepe promised to wait in the truck until you were ready to leave. despite the fact that he's most likely drowning in envy, seeing his teammate get on the podium in his own home race, the smile on his lips as he hugs you when you've come back to the truck actually seems genuine. "are you sure you don't want to stay?" you ask as you part from the embrace. "breathe in the atmosphere some more?"

he shakes his head softly. "with the roadshow and fans forum on wednesday, i feel like i've had tons of atmosphere by now," he says, doing his best to hide the hint of pain that attempts to make its way onto his face. "maybe i'll see some fans on the way to your hotel, who knows."

with your bag slung across your shoulder and your third-place trophy securely in your embrace, the two of you finally make your way out of the truck, saying your goodbyes and thanks to all nearby staff on the way. everyone seems to be in a good mood – even apparently your boyfriend, who walks out of his truck just as you're about to walk past it.

"congrats on the points," ollie says as he gives pepe a pat on his shoulder. "even got the fastest lap, right? well done, mate."

the spaniard offers him a smile back. "pretty alright day," he hums, before looking over at you. "though, this one was outstanding."

"isn't she always?" ollie asks, hand instead finding the side of your waist as he leans down to press a fleeting kiss to your cheek. "good job today, love."

"thank you," you answer, unable to stop smiling so brightly. yesterday night is long forgotten by now, your argument seeming nothing but tiny as you look at the bigger picture. how could something like that bring you down on a weekend like this one? "i think-"

you don't think he intended to cut you off by the action, but your breath hitches in your throat mid-sentence as you see ollie's hand nearing your throat. it takes a few moments to realize what he's doing, and when he's got your heart pendant in his hand, it's already too late for you to react. "cute necklace," he says, flipping it over to see the initials engraved in it. "where did you get it?"

now that you've practiced this answer once, it comes out more confident and believable. at least, you hope it does. "it's a birthday gift from my mum."

pepe seems to understand the subconscious signals you send him, because he remains quiet even if he doesn't agree with you lying to ollie like this. ollie puts on a smile, one that doesn't quite reach his eyes, and brushes his thumb over the initials again. "i've got some competition, huh," he says jokingly, but you hope he doesn't catch your small, nervous swallow.

more than you could ever guess.

his words make you instinctively take your hand into your other behind your back, fingers instantly reaching to check the length of your ring finger. empty. you just must've forgotten to put the ring back on after the race. no big deal, right?

pepe can't hear your thoughts but he takes the now awkward silence as a sign that your mind is spiraling again. "we were just about to leave," he speaks up, giving your shoulder a pat. "you coming with us, ollie?"

he shakes his head, finally letting go of the necklace. "i have another meeting to get to," ollie answers. "but i'm sure i'll see you both tonight?"

you and pepe both nod as you part ways with your boyfriend, gentle smiles on your lips. however, your stress is practically oozing off your skin, and pepe picks up on it instantly. he slings an arm across your shoulders, holding you close as he leads you down the paddock. "he didn't catch on," he reassures you, seemingly managing to read your mind this time. "but it's better if he hears it from you than someone else, you know."

you swallow down the lump in your throat, giving him a nod. "he won't overreact, right?"

pepe keeps quiet for a few moments, picking his words carefully. "ollie is a good guy. one of the best." he takes a deep breath. "it will be alright."

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yourusername podium for the team's home race, couldn't be more happy. thank you team for the hard work. 💗

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"it's not that i'm greedy or anything," ollie starts as he flops down on the edge of the bed, a huff escaping him. "i just… it would be nice to score some points, you know?"

if he had been greedy, you would've understood it. a mere three point-paying performances so far this season and a top result of p4 is not what he – or anyone – had expected. with the amount of pressure on him to perform, and all rumors about his future, everyone anticipates good things every time he jumps into the car.

you hum, pulling the duvet over your body as you get comfortable in bed. "you're in a good position for it, you know," you remind him. with his second top ten qualifying of the year, except for his pole in jeddah which he didn't get to claim the spoils of, he sure has a great chance for the sprint race tomorrow.

he nods slowly, pulling a hand through his messy locks before holding up his duvet and slipping in underneath it. "and you will do well on sunday. tomorrow too, of course," he's quick to add, turning to face you, who's already lying on your side. "good job today, love."

"thank you," you hum. a smile appears on your lips when his hand reaches for the side of your face, pulling you into him. his lips mold lazily against yours, fingers tapping against your cheek before tracing down your neck and arm. when he reaches your hand, his thumb draws random figures against the back of it, before finally falling down to brush against your fingers – and your breath hitches in your throat.

your ring finger is empty.

but where did you put it? when did you take it off? was it when you washed your hands before dinner? or when you showered after quali?

you don't know if ollie has noticed yet, or if the action is purely unconscious because he's too focused on your lips against his, but you pull away just in case. "i forgot my phone..." you mumble, retrieving your hand from him and scrambling to get out of bed. "have to charge it overnight..."

you rummage through your bag with feigned urgency. the phone is already exactly where it should be, on the floor where you'd placed it earlier, connected to your charger. but ollie doesn't need to know that.

what's important is that he doesn't know about the ring, or about the currently cool press of the gold heart against your chest beneath the fabric of your shirt. the thought sends a chill down your spine, and you force yourself to breathe as you stall for time.

your actions are all for nothing, however. of course he noticed.

a first podium of the season is always a lovely feeling. you would know, having already experienced it, and now you got to be happy for your boyfriend claiming not only his first podium but also his first win.

it's even better that he got to share it with pepe and paul.

even though things currently are a bit tense between ollie and paul, those two have been through so much together. they've been friends for years, and all that doesn't disappear just because they've dated the same girl, right? on the podium, you're supposed to let go of everything else and just have a good time with the other two drivers, no matter who they are.

so why were both ollie and pepe so reluctant to pay any attention to paul? why did neither of them seem to want to spray him with champagne or pour it over his head? why did they walk away from paul to pose for the cameras without him?

you saw how paul and pepe clung to each other on the podium in bahrain. that weekend, it was those two who left another driver out. what's so different now?

ollie and pepe could've been heard chattering from miles away. you only noticed the sound once they stepped out of the elevator on your floor of the hotel a little past midnight.

you hadn't seen either of them since the podium – and frankly, you hadn't wanted to, either – but you assumed they would be in their best spirits. unfortunately, the videos and screenshots of the podium ceremony, along with other content the formula two instagram account posted, have been constantly appearing on your social media feeds all day.

needless to say, this hasn't put you in the best mood.

you stick your head out through your door once you hear their voices get closer, and the two of them are clinging onto each other and giggling like never before. ollie is the first to notice you, his pace slowing and his smile faltering. "what's with the frown?" he asks before you even realize that you look about as mad as you feel. "bad race?"

he usually isn't this blunt. has he been drinking? despite the fact that he has a race tomorrow? "i couldn't care less about my race," you tell him, still staring the two boys down. pepe looks about ready to crawl out of his skin already; sure he's done something wrong, just unsure what.

"then..." your boyfriend begins, eyes flickering up and down your pyjama-clad body. "what's up?"

"what's up?" you repeat with a scoff. "the two of you are terribly immature, that's what's up."

the boys exchange a look before inching closer to you, soon standing right by your door with you. "it's really just the champagne- maybe one other drink, but..." pepe begins, words slurring and mixing in one big mess. "but we'll be okay for tomorrow."

"do either of you have any idea what the time is?" you pull a hand through your hair, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. "the feature starts in like ten hours-" you interrupt yourself, taking a deep breath. "that's not even the point."

"okay... what is the point?" ollie asks, voice weak and unsure.

"i'm so disappointed by how you both acted today on the podium." neither of them seem to understand, so you keep going. "how you treated paul... that was so childish of you."

"wha-"

you don't even let them interject. "it was obvious. you were both shutting him out, even though he's done nothing wrong. he fought just as well as you both for that podium – if not even more, considering how he gained more positions than both of you together – and he did not deserve to be ignored."

the boys are speechless.

they stand still right in the middle of the corridor, mouths hanging slightly agape, not believing their ears at the sound of your little outburst. however, you don't feel even a sliver of guilt; they deserved it. "neither of you have anything to say, huh?" you ask eventually, shaking your head. "unbelievable."

without giving them a chance to say anything, and without wishing them goodnight, you slam the door in their faces and retreat into your room.

the silence on the other side of the door confirms one thing – they got the message.

after a quite chaotic feature race on sunday, with dennis stalling on pole and ollie having to retire due to yet another engine issue, you and the team managed to squeeze every little drop of success out of the race. two podium finishes – you in second and pepe in third – meant that you got to strengthen the lead in the team's championship even further.

considering the fact that you were also shoved wide at one moment when battling with paul and still managed to secure that podium finish, you're definitely pleased with your own race. you and pepe celebrate with the team when you get out of your cars, but the only acknowledgment of his race you give him is a quick pat on his back without even looking at him.

instead, you reach gabriel with a big grin on your lips, throwing an arm across his shoulders as you congratulate him on his first win. he doesn't even seem to notice how you both leave pepe behind as you walk towards the cooldown room together, already going off about the different happenings of the race.

pepe arrives a few moments after you, grabbing his flask of water and slumping into his chair without a word. gabriel tries to involve him in conversations, seemingly too stuck in his race-winning haze to notice the tension, but both you and the spaniard stay mostly quiet throughout the cooldown.

when the cameras cut out and someone tells you all it's time to get to the podium, you're the first to stand and make your way towards the door. but suddenly, a hand wraps around your wrist, pulling you back a meter until your shoulder bumps into a body behind you. pepe's breath is warm against your ear when he whispers into it. "are you going to ignore me all day?"

you turn to throw him a glance over your shoulder – your first eye contact since last night – and after a few quiet moments, you shrug. "probably."

and with that, he's left speechless behind as everyone else hurries to the podium for the ceremony.

with dino's third place in his own race, it meant that the entire 2023 prema f3 lineup got to stand on the podium this weekend. your friend even climbed up to fourth in the f3 championship, so when you two accidentally ran into each other back in the paddock, you threw yourself into his arms instantly.

getting dino to leave the post-race chaos was no easy task. between his habit of stopping to chat with everyone and his claim that he needed to "soak up the podium vibes", you were forced to practically pull him with you to the shared f2 and f3 hospitality.

"things looked quite tense between paul and ollie on the podium yesterday," dino says with a chuckle just as you're reaching into a refrigerator for a soda, making you stop in your tracks. not only are you surprised that he brought it up; the fact that there was a joking tone in his voice is what made your eyebrows furrow.

"that's funny?"

dino blinks at you. "no, i guess not," he mumbles, brain working overtime to figure out what's gotten you acting so strange in just a second.

"i thought it was extremely childish, actually," you say with a shrug, shutting the refrigerator again. "the way that they ignored him, only paid attention to each other…" you watch as dino leans his shoulder against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. "you're still paul's best friend, so you get what i mean, right?"

"i mean, sure. but i also get why ollie and pepe would do that." he puts his hands up in the air as if surrendering when he sees the glare you throw him, yet he keeps speaking. "come on, they're just protective of you, and-"

"oh, so you're on their side now?"

"i'm not on any side!" he exclaims, dragging a hand down his face. "i just think-"

your shoulders feel a little lighter when a voice interrupts dino – and you feel yourself even smiling when you realize who the voice belongs to. "oh, look! it's the podium duo!"

dino laughs and hugs the blonde man who just stepped into the room. paul is already dressed out of his white hitech suit and into regular clothes, curls messy and still a little sweaty. "podium trio, now that you're here," dino says, patting him on the back before pulling away. "good race yesterday."

"thank you, mate," paul smiles brightly. "you deserved that second place, shame it didn't happen." he then turns to you, the brightness of his smile not faltering. "congrats to you, too. things are really turning around, aren't they?"

in more ways than one. "yeah, two feature podiums..." you let out a chuckle, reciprocating the hug he gives you with an equal amount of warmth. "i wouldn't have guessed that after imola."

paul chuckles, too, parting from you to step over to the coffee machine nearby, continuing your small talk for a little while. dino has already stepped away to talk to some prema staff at a nearby table, but you don't mind. being alone with paul doesn't feel strange at all anymore. even if you can't come up with anything interesting to say, it's not like the air is so thick with tension that you can't breathe. your skin doesn't crawl, and you feel at ease – the awkwardness is replaced by something warmer. "so..." he starts, pressing a few buttons on the machine before shooting you a glance. "i'm glad i ran into you. i was actually going to go look for you."

"oh, really?" you ask, unscrewing the cap of your soda and taking a sip. "and why's that?"

"I wanted to apologize." you bite back a comment about that being the first time those words have left his mouth. "about the situation there, when i... fought you a little too hard. it was unnecessary."

the corners of your lips twitch with a smile. "crashing into me would've been unnecessary. this was just racing," you assure him. "you got a penalty for it anyways, right?"

he nods and shrugs, picking up his paper cup when all of the coffee has been poured into it. "just figured i should say it anyways."

"it's alright. besides," you begin walking towards the exit again, and paul instantly follows. "i don't want you to race me any less just because we're friends again."

"oh, so we're friends now?" he asks with a grin, pulling the door open and letting you step outside first. "did you think to let me be a part of that decision? or did you just decide on that all by yourself-"

paul cackles when you shove his shoulder, and you roll your eyes in response. "yes, we are. but i still want you to give your all out there; i wouldn't want to win over you just because you're holding back."

he gives you a nod, opening his mouth to speak again – but when his eyes focus on something behind you, he closes it again. you raise an eyebrow, a lump gathering in your throat when you turn around to find ollie walking over to you.

his dark sunglasses sit perched atop his nose, hiding most of his facial expression, but you assume there's a frown hiding beneath it. "am i interrupting anything?" he asks when he approaches, and your hand instinctively reaches up to the side of his arm when he stops.

"nah," paul is the first to respond. "i was just about to leave, anyway." he looks down at you again, offering a quick smile. "congrats again."

you return the smile and then watch him leave, before tilting your head up to ollie once more. when ollie's gaze still follows his back many seconds later, not even throwing you a glance, your hand drops back to your side. when you begin walking in the opposite direction, ollie finally snaps out of his trance and arrives by your side in a few long steps. "hey," he says, neck craning down in hopes of getting your attention. "i wanted to congratulate you, too."

"sweet."

your chest tightens when you say it, and you know you'd feel even more guilty if you'd look back up at ollie and catch his reaction. so instead, you keep your eyes straight ahead as you try to navigate your way back to the campos truck. "you did really well, you know," he tries, hoping for a better reaction.

however, he doesn't get one. "i do know."

just as you reach your destination, ollie reaches out to grab your wrist, not letting you run away from him. when you finally face him, he pushes his sunglasses up to rest on top of his head instead, revealing those deep brown eyes you've come to love. he doesn't look as irritated as you'd assume; they're more pained and confused. "can we talk?" he asks after a few moments of silence.

you take a deep breath through your nose, turning your head to the side again. you couldn't even keep eye contact with him for ten seconds. "can we do it later?" you mumble, fingers subconsciously reaching up to fiddle with the heart charm hanging from your neck. "i really need to get changed and pack my bag... my flight leaves in just a few hours..."

he sighs, just loud enough for you to catch it over the rest of the commotion in the paddock. "you can't even spare me five minutes?"

"do you really think here and now is the right time?" you counter, looking back up at him just in time for him to turn his own gaze away. he shrugs.

"i guess not." he takes a few steps back. "see you in england, i guess."

and with that, he's gone.

you don't usually pull up your journal in public places; you wouldn't want to have to explain to some nosy staff member if they caught you with it. but right now, the truck is completely empty and silent besides the soft hum of a self-cleaning coffee machine, so you curl up in the corner of the couch with the book in your lap.

is this the end?

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